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How You Turn My World; Chapter 4
You finally find your way into the labyrinth, coming across some new and old faces; both friendly and malicious.
Character; Lilia Vanrouge
Content; Gender-neutral reader, reader is getting tired of being stuck here and smelling like a bog
Content Warnings; Swearing, some talk of death, reader passes out
Word Count; 2.2 K
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |
As per usual, don't put my work into AI.
You were finally making some decent progress, what, with not being stuck in some bog and knowing somewhat of where you were going. A vast improvement really! Well, it would be, but unfortunately, you still reeked of rotten eggs and skunk — apparently the bog stench only got worse the longer it stayed on.
“Why did it have to dump me into the swamp,” you huffed, rounding yet another corner. “Like, it could have dumped me beside the water, but, no, no, let’s dump the magicless human right into the putrid bog water! A good guffaw, don’t you think? Ha ha ha HA!”
At least your au de Bog of Eternal Stench kept any would-be assailants away since you hadn’t run into anything (besides a rose bush, ouch) since you started making your way through the labyrinth. So maybe it wasn’t all that bad… damn, maybe your sense of smell was just used to it… hey, if stink helps you not die, then you would gladly stay stinky! Well, bitterly stay stinky is more like it.
“Assholes,” you muttered, rounding another corner.
But it wasn’t a corner; it was a crossroad. Three paths merged off of the one you were on.
… aren’t labyrinths just one long line? THIS IS A FUCKING MAZE?! You groaned, looking at your possible options which all looked exactly the same.
Decisions, decisions, decisions. Of course nothing is easy here, no no no! Gotta make things difficult now.
The hedge behind you rustled, and you whipped around, getting into a stance where you could either land a pretty good sucker punch to the hedge-stalker or make a mad dash away. But out of the hedge crawled out a small, fuzzy, caterpillar. And back at home you would have thought it was cute, but you learned your lesson from the doors; don’t trust it, or anyone for that matter.
You looked down at the caterpillar, and the caterpillar looked up at you, blinking slowly.
What are the chances…
“Do you know a way out,” you asked the caterpillar, crouching down so that you didn’t tower over it.
The caterpillar blinked at you again (apparently caterpillars in the Underground have eyelids, which isn’t the weirdest thing considering everything). “No,” it chirped and continued crawling on its merry way, wherever that may be. “But you’ll find the way.” And it disappeared into the growth of the maze, humming a little tune to itself.
You sighed, and pushed yourself back up, straightening out your shoulders and looking up to the sky. “I’ll find a way,” you breathed, looking up at the cloudless sky which was starting to turn a brilliant amber with the setting sun. “I might want to find a way is more like it.”
You looked back down to the ground, looking at the three paths in front of you. They all look the same, save for the ground making up paths themselves, with the middle and right paths looking well worn with travel. And while they may be well worn, there was a voice at the back of your head that was whispering caution. The left-most path was not as well travelled, with dead vines covering parts of it.
“Hopefully you’re right, little buddy since I could use all the luck I can get.” And you made your way down the path, hoping that it was the correct one and didn’t lead you to your death or some other unpleasant thing.
…
…
Lilia was at the entrance of the labyrinth, in front of the two doors.
“Have you seen a human, about this tall, a bit of a temper, and smelling foul,” he asked the doors.
The doors looked at each other before looking at Lilia. “And what’s it to you,” they said in unison.
Lilia smiled, but it was one of mild annoyance, not joy or amusement. “Royal orders I fear. You wouldn’t want the mistress finding out about you both tampering with a royal matter, would you?” The smile turned cat-like since Lilia had backed them into a corner.
The doors paled, with the blue door speaking up. “No no, sir! We would never dream of such a thing!!! Yes, there was a human, a wretched one at that, horribly rude!”
Lilia hummed, cocking a brow at the door. “I do think wretched is a bit of an overstatement now,” he whispered to himself. “Well, tell me where about they are then. The sooner I can collect them, the better for you lot.”
The red door sighed, “Near the heart of it, they took the left path.”
Left path? Why the left path leads to… Shit. Lilia mentally groaned, knowing that regardless of the path you took, you would end up having to deal with them eventually. “Your cooperation has been noted,” is what he said though, giving the doors both a nod before turning into a bat and flying over the labyrinth, trying to find you before you ran into whoever them was.
“Please be clever enough not to die,” he whispered to no one, hoping that he didn’t have to deliver your body to the Queen.
…
…
The left path brought you to what looked like a forest; with old-growth trees, ferns and moss covering the ground, and a list mist hanging in the air. It was peaceful and beautiful, with the setting sun illuminating the mist without burning it away.
But that would not last, night was fast approaching and you had nothing to protect you this time; no rowan tree to haul your ass up, and no sort of weapon to protect yourself besides the oh-so-lovely smell of the bog to deter something from eating you. You were pretty sure it would also keep away anything that wanted to otherwise snatch you up.
“AH!” Something jumped out from a tree, and you couldn’t fully register what it was since you were also screeching, much like the creature was at you; you with fright, the creature with amusement and joy.
Two other creatures jumped out from behind the trees and startled cackling, jumping, and clapping. Together, they surrounded you, with no way to really escape them without fighting through.
… you really should have read about fae species, since you didn’t know what they exactly were, or how dangerous they were either.
One pulled you near a pit and lit a fire, cackling in glee and dancing, trying to get you to join them. “Ah come on, human, have some fun! DANCE BABEY!!!!”
But you stayed still as more creatures came out of the shadows, dancing around the fire, giggling, cackling, and pulling a bit at your clothes to prompt you to join them. You didn’t know, cementing your feet down, your eyes watching their movements with caution.
‘Should you dance with the fae, you shall not stop dancing until you exhaust yourself. And once you wake up, you will continue dancing. This cycle will repeat itself until you dance to death.’
At least that was what the book said, and so you stayed still, regardless of how much the creatures pulled at you. While it looked like a grand old time, you remained where you were.
“I don’t have time for dancing,” you answered coldly, flinching from pinching fingers. You were also a bit shocked that Eau de Bog of Eternal Stench wasn’t keeping them away. Either, they couldn’t smell, or, they didn’t care that you smelled downright awful. “So this ‘baby’ won’t dance.”
And should I be offended by you calling me ‘baby’ or am I reading too much into it?
The main creature just shrugged and spun its dancing partner around. “Your loss human! More fun for us then! YIPPEE!!!” And it threw something in the fire to where you could feel the heat on your face.
What now? You were just standing there awkwardly as the creatures danced about, singing something that you couldn’t really make out. All you knew was that the heat, noise, and the dizzying dance of them was making your head pound, and throat scream in thirst. You hadn’t drank anything for over a day(?) — no, bog water did not count — and the heat from the fire made the thirst only worse. Shit.
“Ah, you don’t look too… hot there human,” one of the creatures snickered at its own joke at your expense. “Maybe if you dance with us, loosen up and have a bit of fun, then you can have a drink? Hmm? Dancing won’t kill you!” But its failed attempts at covering up its own malicious giggles were more than enough to stand your ground… which was coming at you quite fast since you practically collapsed.
Was it the thirst? The pounding migraine that wanted nothing more than to crawl into some dark hole and hide? Or your exhaustion from making that tiring trek, crawling yourself out of the bog and making the trek again, or the hours you had spent wandering around the maze with no real idea of where you were going? All you really knew was that you were now on the ground with the creatures poking at you to see if you were still alive.
“Aw, man! Are they already dead? That’s no fun!” One of the creatures pouted, raising up your arm, and you let it plop back to the ground. “Come on human! Get up! You’re not a party pooper are you?”
Scre you buddy! Can’t you read the situation?!
You were trying your best to stay quiet, which wasn’t all that hard, since all of your energy was gone.
“They best not be,” a familiar voice called out.
From your position, you couldn’t see who it was, but you could make out the creatures jumping away from you like you were the hot fire instead of the fire pit. But someone else was approaching until you could make out a pair of shoes in front of your face.
They crouched down beside you, placing their fingers gently at the base of your throat; taking your pulse. “Hmph, playing dead, are we, Beastie?”
That irritating chuckle. The annoying nickname. Those mischievous magenta eyes that now looked at you with curiosity and amusement.
It was him — Mr. Sparkles.
And he had just blown your act of playing possum (well, not really, since you had actually collapsed).
But you didn’t say anything, instead favouring to give him a dirty look. Yet he just shook his head in jest, and proceeded to pick you up and wrap you around his shoulders and neck like some sort of bizarre ermine pelt; better than being carried like a sack of potatoes or the bridal carry you supposed.
“Her majesty sends her regards for not turning or killing her guest,” Lilia offered the creatures. It would be such a waste and pity to see such an entertaining Beastie leave us too soon now. “But do know she won’t take to their condition lightly.”
My condition? I’m not some Victorian child with some unknown illness wreaking havoc on their body you know?! But all that you did was groan and cough. You couldn’t even cough in Mr. Sparkles’ (Lilia’s) face, since you had a lovely view of the moss-covered ground and the fae’s shoes.
He patted the back of your calves, and you would have kicked him if you had more energy, but you didn’t. “Now, we really should be off, since Beastie has… an hour to get out of this maze before they turn into some sort of worm, or a hedge; never know what this old labyrinth will decide on really.” Lilia chuckled at the thought (was it merriment, or was he happy that you weren’t joining the caterpillar you met earlier?).
“No,” you wheezed. “WoRm!”
“See! They said it themself! No worm! How lovely that we are on a similar wavelength, Beastie! Marvellous even!” Lilia exclaimed, and the both of you started levitating off of the ground. “Now, do enjoy your party, Fireys!”
The creatures (Fireys apparently) groaned but got back to their party, dancing around the fire like they didn’t just try to lure you to your death mere minutes before.
“Tsk tsk, Beastie,” Lilia’s tutting brought your attention back to him and you grumbled. “You owe me two favours now, you know. Lucky that I found you… although that part wasn’t hard. I thought you learned your lesson the first time you decided to take a dip into the Bog of Eternal Stench?”
You lightly kicked him, letting your irritation be known, but Lilia just hummed. “Now now, no need to be like that! Do you want to smell like a bog when you meet the mistress? She wouldn’t take kindly to your… unique aroma.”
You hissed out a breath since he decided to pinch at your ear rather harshly — prompting for you to answer. “No,” you whispered hoarsely.
“Also, do read up on that book, since you will want to know about the government and fae species etiquette!”
From a smelly bog and fumbling around a maze for hours on end, to finding yourself being taken to fae high society… was it too late to become some worm in the maze? I think being a worm actually has a better chance of me living.
But sadly, you were saved from an eternity of being a worm. Hopefully, Mr. Sparkles (Lilia) would cover for your blunders a little for when you found yourself in front of ‘the mistress’.
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To be continued!
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Tags; @afunkyfreshblog @cheezy-moon @eynnwwyjth @identity-theft-101 @ithseem @lucid-stories @ryker-writes @twistwonderlanddevotee @xxoomiii
Link to Masterlist
#twst#twst x reader#twst x gn reader#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#twisted wonderland x gn reader#lilia vanrouge#lilia vanrouge x reader#lilia vanrouge x gn reader#yup! we're moving away from the labyrinth but fret not! the shenanigans shall continue and relationships will be built!#i forgot how fucking terrifying the fireys are and i now remember way labyrinth gave me nightmares as a kid#twst labyrinth au#also i shit you not i went to go eat at a burger joint last week and 'magic dance' was playing and i lost my fricking mind#like HELLO?! WHAT THE HELL?!#apparently the radio was telling me to fricking work on this fic...#i should really start posting this on ao3 as well... but idk where this is going to go#also posting a standalone fic (oneshot?) tomorrow; you guys will be eating good for a bit. here some crumbs for you and for you and for you
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???? something something deep discomfort with body image is it generational?????????
#does your soul ever leave your body when your mom says something and youre like a) Ah. thats where this specific pain comes from#and b) not for anything would i perpetuate this to my own daughter should God bless me with one#anyway mother casually dropped mid conv that i ought to weigh myself once a week just to make sure i was eating right#and by Right she means not too much and not too much of what she considers Junk#also my soul left my BODY when i told her what i was wearing to the date tmr#(red pinafore mini dress with tights and a cute little cardigan situation that i actually feel GOOD in)#and she was like is your stomach bloated right now? if it is dont wear it#(the word she used can be bloated swollen or big in chinese)#MA'AM??????????#anyway im glad theres been fortifying work done in my heart bc this wouldve devastated me last year. absolutely CRUSHED me.#but im like okay........ well i look cute and im at a healthy weight. and im starting to eat better. and i only feel nauseous#thinking abt food occasionally. and i dont weigh and measure myself daily anymore. so thats progress.#also i personally think i look cute in that outfit so i think i SHALL wear it tmr.#anyway. thoughts!!!!!
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OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever
#jrwi fanart#cw blood#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#arthur bennett#OUHH THIS ONE WAS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOR SO LOOOONGwhen i took it out there was mould on it :sob:#BUT i think i was able to fix it up okay#i keep seeing SO MANY MISTAKES RRAAAHHH BUT YOU DONT SEE THEM RIGHT?? THATS ONLY ME. RIGHT?? EXACTLY.#THE KEY IS TO SAY. AND REPEAT AFTER ME. 'FUUUCK IT WE BALL#so anyway. arthur bennett huh? grizzly says that arthur is reaal fuckin difficult to play. and i SUPER get that. i mean LOOK AT HIM..#grizz often needs a minute to think abt what hes gonna say in a way that matches w that Stoic Personality. which is FAIR but also that#ends up making way for awkward confrontations like: the lady in the parky lot. he took too long to answer and scared her away.& I LOVE THAT#arthur is tragic and sad and cool and stoic but hes ALSO awkward and silly and kinda dumb and short sighted. HE HAS COMPLEXITIES#I LOVE WHEN TTRPG CHARACTERS HAVE A GOOD SET OF SHORTCOMINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN U FIND THEM ONLY AS U PLAY THEM.#I COULd go on and on saying the same things w different words abt arthurs intriguing and entertaining character but i shall spare u. for no#ILL ALSO MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS FLAVOR THO.. I LOVE TALL HOT BOY WHOS ONE W THE DARKNESS.. I REMEMBER WHEN HE FIRST MENTIONED THE#BADLUCK. N I WAS LIKE OOOHH THATS WHY HIS DESIGN IS SO COOL N CHAOTIC N ASYMMETRICAL. HES UNLUCKY!!! i love love love his design so much...#GRaaauruguguraguhhghghgh what else what else is there for me to spew on abt...i think im reachin a limit here..OH MAGNUS. i hope that#we get to know more abt how magnus and arthur met.. like How they became besties... ouuhh... I ALSO WANNA KNOW MORE ABT MARY DAVIS. LIKEHOW#he also apparently spent alotta time in a zone dominated by edward twilight? all he remembers is constant partying? I WANNA KNOW MORE..#i think i got room 4 one more ramble SO. THE ART PIECE.as i said its gone a lil stale BUT. im still very proud o the bits where hes allScar#I WANNA SEE HIM GET SCARYMORE. I like the idea of shadows solidifying to make him strange and eerie.like TEETH n CLAWS n SPINES n YESS#also the SILVER EYES.no1 does silver eyes like the show Claymore. they make em look so striking and eerie...i also like to think that#human arthur had deep beautiful brown eyes.just in my beaitufl heart.i mean look at him..i wanna cook him n eat him.ANYWAY#i think thats all my ramblin for this piece. now i gotta go cancel a single day i had ata hotel bc my work schedule change last minute FUCK#feel free to ramble in my tags aswell tho i read all of them and i chew on thenm and i love them so sos os mcuh
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anyway How Great Thou Art is SUCH a song of all time
#gonna be okay i think.#gonna drive home now#and then buckle down to ??? several hours probably. working on my assignment. at least. i need to finish the first question completely and#if i have to leave the other one and hope i get it done in the time i might or might not have before going out for the evening after an AM#shift- then i shall#and ultimately? i'll eat the 5%. if i have to. and handle it friday instead#i am SO ready for this placement to be over honestly. i love it but also i cannot handle much more. i need a break.
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Oh yeah uh. No I didn't get the Chica design stuff done yesterday I got absorbed in the maths of horses on car parks. Uhhh sorry?
If things go well, I may start offering doodle requests for good reference pictures of Mazercise though so we have that to look forward to I guess lmao
#there's no good ones on image searches it's truly devastating :(#I really wanna draw horsies though#I'm. very tired right now though so imma eat and go sleeps as early as possible I think#might be able to be awake for more than uhh half of the time my meds are meant to be active?#also yes. i'm going back to sleep after taking my adhd meds. so sue me lmao#'theyre meant to keep you awake!' sounds like a skill issue.#lmao nah it's a new type of med so I'm on a really low dose and also I think it's ACTUALLY lasting the intended amount of time??#wild... strange... crazy even... none of the others ones did that lmao#anyway yeah I'm gonna try that and see if it improves ability to create things#it should! I don't see why it wouldn't! I have SO MANY horsie drawings to make you've no idea#and a few cupcakes to finish up the chica design thing#and maybe more!! we shall see!!!#I'm gonna save everything for next Sunday and you're just gonna have the most PACKED Sewerhell Sunday ever lmao#pop rox talks#IF it works#it might not#so.... we shall see!!!
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i miss hlvrai… like being into it, not WOAH RTVS FUCKING MAKE MORE HLVRAI N O W
nah i just miss “being in the community” and making stuff for it lol
n maybeee im gaining motivation to work on that fanfilm again
#really really want to work on that fanfilm but my anxiety around scheduling and asking frienfs for help with it is eating me alive#‘anxiety’ honestly idk what the emotion or vibe is i shall just call it that#PEOPLE AND FRIENDS HAVE LEGIT SAID ITS GOOD WRITING N PLANNING!! And I still sit here going:#‘nooo its cringe :(‘ even tho cringe culture is dead to me n idc but its different when its me#u knowv#also i gotta wait until no ones busy n right now we’re all busy lol#summer come faster n slower pleaseee thanks#i also need to go location hunting cause. this isnt gonna work otherwise#and set up a weekend to do it :3#snazum talks#more like snazum rambles in the tags like a f reak XD
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KITCHEN. IS. CLEAN. TOP TO BOTTOM.
unsure if I can replicate my Three Days of Cleaning like last year bc I'm SO tired like. IDK IF I CAN DO THE REST OF THE APARTMENT!!!!
but that doesn't really matter, the kitchen was the place I kept putting off cleaning all year bc "I'll do that on Christmas break!" so at least that's done!!
also switched up the tupperware and baking supplies cabinets and I hope that makes it easier to access. the problem is the baking stuff was in a corner cabinet that's huge and super deep (like deep enough I can't reach the back) but has a super small doorway so I can't fit anything larger than a bag of flour in it.
anyway if I sound incoherent it's bc I haven't eaten since breakfast, bc I'm an idiot and couldn't easily make anything I wanted to eat for lunch and refused to put pants on and get takeout. I am heating up soup and turkey leftovers now though so I'll be normal In A Minute.
#also got my keyboard!!#i want it noted amazon wouldn't let me deselect one day delivery#otherwise I would've had it shipped after the boxing day rush. i feel back for the deliver drivers 😬#oh well. its here! and i shall test it after i eat! bc if i test it now and it doesn't work I'll just start sobbing hysterically
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some autumn outfits~ 🍂🎃
#oc#not fanart#mori kei#hello friends! it's been a while again hasn't it#I meant to post this last month but then forgot I hadn't haha#oh well! if the shops are going to start stocking christmas stuff in october I reserve the right to keep posting halloween stuff in november#holiday creep works both ways now. I don't make the rules sorry#anyway anyway#autumn is the best season for fashion#like... you can layer! you can wear cute sweaters and knit socks and big stompy lace-up boots!#you can replace your head with a pumkin!#pumpkin heads are VERY in at the moment. trust me I'm a fashion design major#the dress on your right is actually one I made myself irl! it's sort of based on a regency morning gown#can confirm it's insanely comfy and very easy to use as an impromptu basket haha#(and yes of COURSE it has pockets what do you take me for)#anyway I hope you're all having a lovely autumn so far! eat some nice stews. jump in some leaves#watch over the garden wall if you haven't already. watch it again if you have#I shall see you anon! hopefully sooner than two months this time though haha
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Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this
#speculation nation#daydreaming of the early discacc days when i wrote 70k words in 3 weeks. those were the days...#im just... so tired and wrung out and everything is so fucking hard#im barely even Doing anything besides working. my apartment is in horrible shape rn.#what is it about grief that makes life so hard to live man. you lose a cornerstone to your life and suddenly everything is in shambles#and i know he wouldnt have wanted this for me. for me to be Barely functioning bc my brain has been so bad in response#im alive im going to work im feeding myself and showering every day#but i havent been doing the dishes i havent taken out the trash theres Stuff all over my floors and cat messes i havent cleaned#and i dont have the energy for any of it. i get home i eat and then i climb into bed. rinse and repeat.#im just... tired. im so very tired.#i keep wanting to turn to my hobbies to cope with things but it's so fucking hard to stick to#constantly oscillating between manic moods where i think i can finally start moving on (but i dont have the focus to do writing)#and depressive moods where Good Fuckin Luck doing anything besides laying in bed#if you couldnt tell im in the second boat right now. in bed as we speak. and so i shall remain until it's time to go to work#at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think#get out of the apartment. experience nature. pick up a snail. you know how it goes.#i kinda feel bad for entering a fandom and trying to dig out a place for myself and Kind Of succeeding#i have a good handful of followers. people who wanna see more of my analysis and fanfic#but i havent posted anything significant in like a month bc i have belonged to the void. all month.#losing family will do that to a person i guess. doesnt stop me from being frustrated though.#negative/
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PHANTOM!HOMELANDER IS GONNA LIVE IN MY BRAIN RENT FREE
SIGHS AND ADDS IT TO THE LIST.
#ask and you shall receive#i should honestly make like. an actual list so people can see what i'm working on. maybe i'll add it to my pinned post??#bc right now i have two yandere!homelander wips#i'm almost done ch3 of eat your ego#i have a supe!reader fic that i started awhiiiile back#i'm like 2k into a 3rd chapter of the say it verse#and then i have that predator/prey cnc roleplay one that i want to start working on asap#and now THIS??#i'm all over the place
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Should I just go out and buy a cake for myself....
#Realistically I'm really bad at eating a lot of sweets#Which a cake would be#But i worked hard today#I feel like I deserve some cake now!!#Also could just put the rest in the fridge foe tomorrow........#We shall see#Talks
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My family went to florida and I’ve been dog and house sitting and hosting my brother for two weeks and taking my cat to the vet and finally my brother is gone and the cat is okay* and I have 24 hours until my doctor appointment and 48 until the family is back and I’m chugging beers sitting back trying to fit two weeks of relaxation into one evening and it’s not working but I’m tipsy and throwing my head back and wanting to make bad choices yeeeaaaaaah boooooooiiiii!!!!
#this was my chance to relax then my brother decided to come#which is fine but basically it means he works in the house and then I make him dinner or we go out to eat rinse and repeat for 14 days#he also Has To Eat Three Squates A Day or gets hangry and I’m more of a…one meal a day person#i feel so bloated and crappy so the beer isn’t sitting well but I want to relax and I don’t really drink anymore so#not excited for the dr tomorrow but whatever#*cat is as good as she can be. I’m coming to terms with the fact that she will not ever get better. she’s old and it might be cancer but#anything we do is just treating symptoms#she has a depressed immune system and is getting monthly chronic utis. i need ti be Frank with her quality of life#this is so much harder to confront than her amputation. i Leah’s thought she would just…get old and slow down gracefully#but she feels young. and in between the uti pain she seems normal. but so much of her life now is sleeping and crying in pain#she also has sores on her feet. vets not sure why but thinks it’s immune system related#aaaaa. i want to call my science teacher and talk to him#he gave me Chloe sophomore year but I think I’ll cry#oof I want to talk to anyone really but I don’t have those type of relationships. so I shall talk in tags and drink beer.
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It feels like the exhaustion is in my soul. Or perhaps exhaustion replaced it.
#personal#vent#the troubles increase#i can just slightly lie down on a more comfy chair in the library or on my couch at home and instantly feel how tired i am#I’ve not been eating the best at work since my priority is to get away from people and one guy makes so much noise in the break room#triggers my misophonia something fierce to hear grunting and coughing for 30-60 fucking minutes#so i know whatever this is is partially my own damn doing#and while i tire of complaining about work for nearly a semester straight it would be nice to have people acknowledge it#more than a ‘that’s rough’ or a ‘you’ve been there a long time you’ve seen all sorts of ups and downs’#i KNOW that#i work too hard at making it look like i don’t work hard#because someone needs to be the reliable one especially in a place with such high turn-over rates#and i want to be someone people can depend on during this mess#sorry this went on longer than i expected i shall shut up now#carry on
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Guess what, I've worked what probably amounts to half of my total hours, in one fucking month. My store is resting on my shoulders, it seems, and boy do I feel that. I have not had a moment's rest since my vacation, and uh, it's probably not sustainable? Maybe?
Anyway. Guess who's going to be travelling for hours on end and then arrive just a day before a mandatory University lecture? It's me!
#text_loke#i'm also curious what my boss is going to say when he gets back. and looks at my nightmare hours#because uh. i've worked. wayyyy too much these last few months#and i am. halfway. tempted to make a little bit of a racket to the higher ups to argue my way for a higher percentage position#because i have not worked 20% in a WHILE. gimme my 40% because i for damn sure have earned it#i also. somehow. need to squeeze in the time to read the books for my Masters. because uh. i'm also doing that#can you tell i'm living by a thread rn? my sister legit just moved out yesterday and i have NOT had time to process that#i still don't have time! i won't have time!#so i shall grin and bear it as i always do!#ahjshdd legit tho. yesterday i had barely had anything to eat due to my schedule being PACKED#i woke up after five hours of sleep finished the postbox for my sister RAN out the door for Uni at 11. and when done at Uni went work#my coworker thought me insane yesterday for bouncing on my feet with barely any food in my body. or sleep#however. it's just how i am. i can just. grin and go on with my day and function when my body is Barely Responding#i will just. not be quite intelligent because my brain is Slow#also. i was NOT happy being one hour extra at work today. like it WAS worth it and i did it freely#but also i wanted to go home. but. closing shift needed my help and i had to make sure everything was ok before i left#however. i have. so much bullshit i must do tomorrow. fuck#anyway. if y'all are curious as to where i've been these last few months. my answer is dying (work and uni). i am perished#i have barely any time for myself anymore. i'm not mad about it or anything. not even like. burnt out (knock on wood)#however. i do feel the toll. i do wish i could just. do fun things again. hopefully when uni properly starts and i go to my ACTUAL CONTRACT#i can then finally relax. right now however. not so much#hopefully they won't need me next week tho. because i cannot. at all#anyway. if i didn't already know i was a workaholic i sure do now!
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strattera update: hot.
#they turned my skin into the surface of the sun i sweated so goddamn much today#im hoping this evens out bc good lord.#the good news tho is no other negative side effects other than a bit dizzy 🤔#unsure if its working yet i mean its day one and i think most meds like this dont start working that fast#but then again my body seems to be really eager to adapt to new chemicals so who knows#i do feel a bit . manic but not too bad. like similar to mania but without the !!! and the killing. manic heads know what i mean#point being its not really mania. so maybe its just like. closer to normal functioning. but also idk idk maybe i am manic#i cant shut the fuvk up for one thing. but also i dont feel like ill DIE if i shut up or stop moving like w mania#its more just. i WANT to ramble and do stuff#which seems like it should be the effects of the med but again...day one? really?#so. We Shall See#also wasnt exactly expecting much from a non stim tbqh but skerples has had good results w this med!#so maybe i will too <3#going to takw a nap now i tbink idk i just got hungry..........but i may just eat when i wake up snnnzzzz
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figured out the recipe for the perfect smoothie consistency and taste so now i'm gonna eat smoothies everyday
#i have a blender immersion blender AND an air fryer now#so i shall never go hungry or eat only processed again#tentative#we'll see if it works this time#i've tried to make my kitchen as accessible as possible so i'm not afraid of using it#weird bc i love cooking but still not used to this apartments kitchen i guess#but its improved a lot since move in#vacuum helps with food crumbs immediately#i need a chair for the kitchen tho#i'll put my current desk chair in once i build the computer chair i bought#so i can sit if i wanna cook stews or stir fries#while i wait for it#i also got parchment liners for air fryer so its easier to clean and so i will be motivated to use it more#immersion blender to mash vegetables together when i dont feel like eating them whole so i can just make soup/broth to cook beans or meat i#its all about texture and how easy cleanup is#and having these tools make clean up quicker bc less dishes and tools make different textures#chunky smooth crispy ...#best of the best...#oksy bye#🧃#now if only my work schedule would stop getting in my waey and making me spend money grrrr#i only work 3 days a week but somehow i still haven't managed to prep meals in the other 4 days i have off in the last 3 weeks of working#but i am excited after having a numerous good attempts in the kitchen last few days#so maybe tmrw i can come home early do some kitchen stuff#i wanted to go to the park but i feel i should do this first#usually i would say just go to the park bc fuck chores but this chore will make me feel better and improve quality of life#meal prep spend less money less consumerism better mental health#and clean kitchen means more food at home more nutritious and also tastier bc i can adjust flavors and balance it#i'll still go to the park just not the big one
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