#now i opened the favorites section in search for another good i put there and stumbled to that dress again

[rudnitskaia]

If I have time in May or June I'll definitely draw Mau in this wedding dress. Maybe it will be some kind of a wedding art with Rocky, since my dear @aghostnamedcalamity encourages me to, heheh. ^/////^

[heywriters]

how to make a tumblr post (and get notes!)

Have never seen any post discuss these exact things, so i'm sharing my insights with y'all*

Use images. They don't have to be good or spectacular like this extremely coherent thing I just made. They just need to catch the eye break up dashboard monotony.

The gif search feature is an unreliable wild card at best and a NSFW eye gouge at worst, but it gives credit to the op of the gif

If you're an artist your whole post is your images, so skip to the links and tags section of this post because the rest won't help much.

-> Image Descriptions

When making a post that contains images, hover over an image and click the meatballs icon in the lower right corner of the image. Click "update description" to add a description. It isn't always necessary, but it is very courteous for a variety of accessibility reasons.

-> Text

Break up your text. Run-on sentences are standard here, lack of punctuation too, you can really do whatever you want, but avoid massive blocks of text. unless you've got a really incendiary opening line and the entire center of that granite chunk of text is actually comedy gold, hard-hitting tumblr journalism, or one of those zany confessional posts that can be followed up by the drive thru meme

break up

your text.

and go light on the ALL CAPS. save it for emphasis or when you're feeling very unhinged or saRcAStiC y'know how that goes, i don't need to explain it. this site has a very dry tone to its posts so caps are rare. also periods

Bullet points and numbered posts are good and fine. The "Chat" post option is used less often these days, but different groups found uses for it so it sticks around.

Titles Matter

they help break up text and put people at ease. they are best for informative, mature posts but can make you look like a square in more relaxed conversations. sometimes they are also great for emphasis in a comedic sh*tpost (censorship is entirely up to you, btw. you don't have to censor much on tumblr except titties and genitals).

Tumblr automatically shortens long posts now, but etiquette asks that you tag #long post if you want to avoid clogging up someone's dash. It don't matter too much though, this is the "color of the sky" site, so get used to posts being too long

That being said "READ MORE" is a fantastic feature. Use it when you want some level of privacy like "hey, only click below if you want to hear about my problems" or "click below to read my 18+ fanfic." Read more is also great in case you want to delete something forever. If a reblogged post has a read more, but op deleted the og post, that content is gone (readmore has to be on the og post at time of posting for this to work, btw; edits to og post do not span all reblogs)

the other bells and whistles like colored font or italics are helpful in improving text, but we don't really rely on them. every mode of looking at this site alters those aspects somehow so we often ignore them

-> Links

Hint: People don't want to click links. We don't know where they're taking us. Most of us are on our phone and don't want to open another tab or leave the app to go on the browser. We're cozy here on Tumblr and do not wish to be whisked away (unless it's a rickroll)

Don't leave the link thumbnail to do all the work, like so

add a little sneak peak info, maybe your favorite line from the article or a reason why it's important for people to know the info on the other side of that link. Sell it!

When you're adding a link into a list, i.e. no large thumbnail just a line of text leading you to another site, try not to copy/paste the link as is

"https://......"

No one wants to click on that it's gross and scary. It's screams "meh, i'll click later if i feel like it." If the build up to the link is too good to resist ("if you want to save the orphaned puppies here's the link") then that http mess is sufficient.

Otherwise, dress your links up a little by including the title or a description of what the link goes to:

Or, if it's an informal post where you're just popping info in to back up whatever insane thing you just said, just write something like "link here" or "(x)" and hyperlink it.

-> Tags

artists, writers, and other creators: leave a tag on your creative content that makes it easy for blog visitors to see it all at once. e.g. "My work" and we click on that while on your blog and see only your works

You can have up to thirty tags on any post. All will make your post show up in searches and followed tags (it used to be only the first five tags that got you traction). However,

Please. Do not tag everything you can possibly imagine being relevant to your post because

It's called tag spam and it's against TOS

Everyone here hates that

No one is going to check all those tags ever. Someone might search one five years from now and accidentally find your post hanging out in the ether and they'll still ignore it.

Your imagination is wicked tiny because I guarantee the perfect tag is going to be something indecipherable and seemingly niche.

Follow popular tags (or at least be aware of them)

If yours is an off-the-cuff post and you don't have time to find out what a niche group is into then wing it, sure, idc. this is also the shitposting site do whatever you want

Don't put your hate in the fan tags. This is the unapologetically-like-dumb-things site and your negativity is not wanted. You can still complain, just avoid tagging to get the attention of the fans of whatever you're complaining about. That enables pvp and even nonfans will know you deserve the backlash

-> Audio & Video

clickable by nature because we all love noise and moving images so there's no special way to share posts like this. just post them with good tags and maybe a one-liner, and they'll sell themselves

Tip: it's nice to add descriptions to these too but it isn't common

Protip: if the audio is the best part of the video (e.g. a baby burps REALLY loudly and it's hilarious) please caption or tag "Unmute!"

-> mkay bye

that's all i can think of right now. will update later if i remember something

---

*this is year eleven of my time on tumbles and i studied marketing in college for like six of those years and have been applying that bupkis to tumblr ever since. every post i see that gets no traction and every lovely artist that goes nowhere on here bothers me so deeply and i sincerely want y'all to succeed <3 <3

+ If you find this helpful and want to support my blog, I have a ko-fi!

+ If you're concerned about my mental health from being on Tumblr so long and want to contribute to my "get better" fund, I have a ko-fi!

[abbyslev]

𝑪𝑳𝑶𝑺𝑬𝑹- 𝑯𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬 𝑿 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹

A/N: here’s a stupid idea i’ve had in my brain for a min and i FINALLY finished it! also don’t mind typos or anything, slightly tipsy rn. (dont drink tequila and vodka and use beer as a chaser??? EVER ???) anyway, enjoy enjoy😊👍🏼 my trip is so good currently like you guys i’ve never been so happy :(

WARNINGS: thigh riding, eating out, praise (IS THAT BAD IDFK 🤯), lots of kissing, fingering and whatever else i added in here idk i cant think rn 🤷🏻

You set your coffee down, eyebrows furrowing. “Problem?” Erwin looked up, eyes searching your stressed face. 

     “Yeah, uhm, just some bio homework. I really regret taking this fucking class.” You laugh, spinning your computer around to show him. His eyebrows raised, pushing your computer back to you. Levi approached you two, handing Erwin his food and placing your sandwich beside your drink. He read it over your shoulder before scoffing and sitting down next to Erwin. “Thank you.” He mumbled to Levi before kissing his hand. You scrunch your nose up, making a gagging noise. “In public is crazy.” You tease them with a smile. 

          “How am I supposed to figure this out?” You slap your hands on your face, dragging them down. “Your fault for choosing that class for extra credit.” Levi chuckled. “Shut up.” You roll your eyes. The three of you always met up at the library to study a lot, and today was one of those days. Unlucky for you, you were learning some pretty hard stuff, and had a hard time understanding it. It was starting to stress you out. “Just leave it for another day, email your professor and tell them to explain it better.” Erwin looked up from his computer, meeting your stressed eyes.

        “Hiya, everyone! Oooh, is that stem cells and the tissue formation process?” They leaned over, taking a glance at your computer. You perk up, meeting their excited eyes. “Yeah, do you know anything about it?” You question, watching as they set all their stuff down. They pull up a chair, sitting beside you. “Now you got them riled up.” Levi scoffed. “Oh shut up.” You sigh. “This is one of my favorite topics, since there's so many theories around it and the things that actually happen, which is why it's considered one of the harder topics. I passed this section with an easy 100.” Hange smiled.

         “Do you think you could help me? I can pay you!” You smile. “There's no need! I can help you anytime, you just text me the time and place.” Hange seemed fine on the outside, but on the inside they were exploding. Hange met you through Levi and Erwin. You guys lived next to each other and you hung out with Erwin and Levi a lot. Hange had some lengthy conversations with you but they never hung out with you one on one. This was a big step for them. Levi bumped Erwins elbow, eyeing you two. 

      “That would be great!” You pulled out your phone, allowing them to put in their number.  “What do you study?” You look up at them, admiring their excited brown eyes. “Biology!” they answer with a huge smile. You two engulf yourself in a conversation, completely forgetting the time. It wasn't until Erwin lightly tapped your shoulder, showing you his phone. “Oh, thanks.” You smile. 

         You two pack up your stuff, following Erwin and Levi out. “They’re so cute.” Hange points at their hands. Erwin had clasped him against Levi’s, leading him towards the car. “Did you need a ride home?” Hange turned to you, smiling. “I usually ride with them, but i don't mind riding with you if it's not a bother.” You smile. “Of course not!” Hange lead you to their car. “I’ll meet you guys later!” You called towards the two. “Sounds good.” Erwin waved, but gave Levi that knowing look. Hange opened your door, smiling. A certain item caught your eye.

       Hange had a frog plush sitting on their dash. “Where did you get this? Do you know what rare item you hold?” You slowly turn to them as they turn on the car. “Oh, yes. Do you know how much that cost me?” They push up their glasses before pulling off to your apartment. They played quiet music on the way back, occasionally cracking a joke or pointing something out. 

        They pull to a stop, unlocking the doors. “Thank you so much, I owe you lunch tomorrow! Do you just want to come over? It's gonna be crowded tomorrow.” You grab your bag and cup, turning to them. “Oh! Sure!” They nod quickly. “Sweet. Drive safe.” You close their door and wave, before walking inside. You peek out your window to see that they had only started driving off. They waited for you to get inside your apartment. You slap a hand over your mouth, screaming. You run to your bed, kicking your feet and squealing. God, you felt like you were a teenage girl with her first crush. 

        You always admired hange from afar. You had a math class with them last semester and you occasionally talked to them when Levi and Erwin were around, but never alone. You shook with excitement, too excited to do anything else. Hange was perfect in every way and now they were going to help you? You thanked yourself for keeping calm in front of them. You got up, heading to the shower. You had no idea how you were going to go to bed with this much excitement.

-

        You deep cleaned your apartment, and it felt like you were overdoing everything. A knock echoed through your home. You opened the door, smiling. 

          Hange had many books and a bag of food in their hand. “Come on in.” You smile, moving aside. “You can sit on the dinner table.” “Thanks!” They sit down. You join the, pulling out your computer. “You didn't have to get me anything!” You shake your head as they slide a bagel towards you. “Want anything to drink?” You offer. “A water is fine!” You stood up, grabbing two bottles from the fridge. You hand them one, sitting back down. 

       “So, where do you want to start?” They lean over to see your computer. “Here,” You pint. “Thats where we have to start, but its hard to understand it, i cant find theories in out book so i cant understand it.” You sigh. Hange opened a book up, trying to find a section. Their eyebrows furrowed, pushing their glasses up. “Oh! Here it is. This book practically answers everything youre looking for!” Hange slides the book over. 

        It had been a couple hours, and neither of you could explain how you ended up like this. You typed your last paragraph as Hange was above you, arms on either side of you and chin on top of your head. You two spent hours figuring stuff out, and even getting to know eachother. You typed the last sentence bewfore leaning back into their chest, groaning.

“Finally!’ You hit submit, stretching you neck. “See? That wasnt so bad!” Hange smiled. “Not for you!” You joked. “Thanks a lot for that, in really needed it. We have about three more assignments until the final quiz, if you want to help me with those too id be down!” You turn to look at them. It took all your might to not stare at their arms. In the hours of studying, Hange had taken off their flannel, leaving them in their black tank top and sweatoants. 

       “Sure! You just let me know and i can help.” They smile. After cleansing up and making sure they werent forgetting anything, they said their goodbyes and went on their way.

_

FIVE WEEKS LATER

          In the time that had passed, Hange and you had become close, inseparable you could say. The two of you did everything together. It had went from tutoring sessions to hangouts and eventually sleepovers. Erwin and Levi had caught on pretty quick, thanks to Hanges rants about you.  

       Levi handed Hange their food, sitting in front of them. “Levi, you have no idea how cute they are! LIke the way they caught on so quick asnd now they understand more than they could! And they got us this lego set to build, and we had pizza after! So good. And they did my hair too, doesnt it look so kuch softer?” Hange went on and on, their face turning red and eyes sparkling with excitement. Levi raised a brow, drinking his tea. “So youre in love with them?” Levi spat out. “Wha- no! Levi, that’s my friend! Nothing more.” Hange huffed, rolling their eyes. 

            From then on, Levi and Erwin kept an eye on you two. It was the small details that they had caught onto. You wore Hange’s favorite flannel, you always had a hair tie on your wrist if Hange ever needed one, Hange always carried your favorite chapstick and favorite gum. They started to form their own theories about you two. 

        Hange had woken up nervous, today was your big day! You finally had your big test on the things they had helped you study with. They knew how it had been eating you inside, but you had gotten a perfect score on all your small quizzes, so you should nail this, right? Hange sent you a long, sweet message making sure that you were prepared and that you were going to crush the test. You replied back, making Hange squeal. They invited you to dinner afterwards, at their house. You two could bake cookies and watch movies after. You accepted, saying it would ease your nerves.

-

        Hours had passed, and Hange nervously chewed on their fingers. How long would it be until you texted them?

       Suddenly, their door burst open, you running in, shaking a paper everywhere and cheering. Hange stood up from the couch, watching you with a smile. “What is it?” Hange tried to calm you down, but you couldnt stop jumping everywhere. “What is it, lemme see!” Hange grabbed your wrist, trying to get ahold of the paper. A pair of lips met Hamge’s, catching them by surprise. Hange’s eyes closed slowly, hands on either side of your face. You dropped the papers, tangling your hands through their short, soft hair. You two pulled away from the kiss, breathing in for air.

      “I passed with a one hundred.” You smile. Hange’s mouth dropped, eyes meeting the paper on the floor. There it was, a big 100 in red pen. Hange turned to you, pulling you back in for another kiss. You happily kissed them back, smiling against their lips. Hange’s hands slid under your shirt, hands rubbing up and down your waist. You hold on to their arm, whimpering. 

     Hange pushed you against the couch softly without breaking this kiss. You push them back down, throwing your leg over them and straddling them. You pulled your shirt off, the cold air sending shivers down your spine. Hange placed a hand on your bare back, pushing your body closer. They kissed all over your chest, leaving you in a mess.

     You grind your hips against their lap, lips whispering their name. “Be patient.” Hange laughed against your shoulder. “But I deserve it, no?” You pulled back, hands on their side of their face, lips ghosting over theirs. “I’ll show you what you deserve.” They pushed your head towards them, kissing the corner of your mouth down to your jaw.

      “Mngh, fuck.” You unbutton their shirt, hands running up and down their soft stomach. Hange pulled off their shirt, lips busy on your neck. You dig your nails into their skin, sucking in a deep breath as they focus on that one spot. 

         Hange picked you up from their lap, laying you down on the couch. They straddled you, hands palming your chest. Your face scrunched up, lips trembling. Hange kissed down your stomach, eyes focused on your pretty face. 

         They pull down your sweatpants, pressing a wet kiss on your hip bone. “Hange, please.” You yank your pants off, your core aching for some attention. Hange traced shapes on your thighs, running their lips up and down your inner thigh. You bucked your hips foward, hands in their hair. 

       Hange pushed your hips down with force, nails digging into your skin. Seeing you all spread out like this, begging for them was all they could ever ask for. Their lips finally met your wet cunt. Your legs closed around their head, a loud moan leaving your lips. You covered your mouth, stomach caving with every stripe of their tongue. 

         Hange pulled your hand away, placing it on your chest. They squeezed your boob, before slowly trailing their hand down to your thighs. They pushed them up, giving them more access. They pushed two fingers in you, watching as your back arched, fingers trying to find a grip on something. 

        They started off slow, thumb playing with your clit. They rested their head on your thigh, kissing it softly. Their soft, brown eyes met yours, which fluttered with every move they made. Your cheeks were tinted pink and lips were swollen from you biting down on them. 

        “Such a good baby. You worked so hard.” Hange praised you, fingers starting to speed up. Your legs threatened to close at any second, but you tried with all your might to not let them. It felt as if you couldn’t control your body, you were being washed over with euphoria.

      “God fucking damn, Hange!” You manage to spit out. Hange replaced their thumb with their mouth, sending you to the edge. You run your hands through their hair, legs shaking. Hange goes faster, watching as your legs close around their head once again. You arch your back, uncontrollable mewls leaving your mouth. Hange pulls out their fingers, immediately licking you up. 

         “Fuckfuckfuck!” You slur out, eyes shutting closed. Hange cleans you up, holding your waist down again. They come back up to you, kissing you. You messily kiss them back, body too tired to do anything else. 

        They sit down beside you, pulling you back into their lap. It felt like your legs were going to give out at any moment. “Hange…so tired.” You lean into their chest, kissing their neck.  “One more, baby… just one more.” Hange kissed your lips. You slowly started moving your hips against their thigh, light whimpers leaving your mouth. 

      “That’s it, just like that.” Hange helped you, their large hands moving you back and forth. “You did so good. Im so proud of you.” Hange pressed a kiss against your forehead, down to your lips and then your jaw. You fastened your pace, ignoring the ache in your legs.

       Hange looked unreal. Their hair had gotten loose from its usual updo from you messing with it, cheeks were dusted with pink and their eyes were dark and lustful. Their glasses slid off their nose slowly, lips crashing against yours

       Their glasses fogged, making you giggle against their lips. Hange gripped the fat of your hips, crescent-like pink shapes marking your skin. They placed their mouth on your cheek, warm breath fawning your face. They sloppily kissed the edge of your mouth, brain too fuzzy to think of anything else. 

       “I love you so much.” Your hands were on either side of Hange’s face, eyes meeting theirs. Hange felt their heart swell, just a couple weeks ago they were daydreaming about you and now they had you into a moaning mess for them.

        “I love you so much more.” They kissed you hard, wanting to bring you impossibly closer. “Hange, fuck.” You repeated over and over again, legs shaking and fastening your pace. “That’s it.” Hange pushed your hair back, nose against your cheek. 

        Your fingernails dug into their back, curse words and Hange’s name slurring out of your mouth. Hange held the back of your head, other hand on your lower back, bringing you closer. “Fuck, just like that.” They kissed your neck.  You slowed down, feeling their stomach and back, eyes closed. 

      “Should’ve asked you for help sooner.” You said, out of breath. “Mm, I guess we just found a new stress reliever, though.” Hange laughed, kissing your lips. 

[genofae]

Let me be Yours part1

Nanami Kento x Afab Reader

Content: Office sex, oral and fingering. POC reader

TW: smut. MDNI

Sometimes you wonder what happened for you to stay at your job past 10 pm, especially when you consider how much you despise this side of your job. No, you were not a masochist, even though your browser history has some funny searches, you were just in love with your section chief Nanami Kento.

When you first joined the team you didn’t have many expectations; maybe one or two coworkers you could hang out with during lunch; perhaps a cute guy you could watch once in a while. But Him? Nanami-please fuck me against my desk- Kento? You were one step from combusting in your shitty pink blouse you bought years ago, pretty much wetting your underwear like a horny teenager first discovering porn.

He wasn’t just another man. No, he was way more.

His first impression was just the beginning. His put-together appearance like he had everything in control and the way his deep calm voice would give the team's instructions to function as a piece of well-oiled machinery, heaven and hell itself teamed up to create that hottie of a man. But you were aware that it was a temporary and physical attraction, one you could control.

Too bad the universe made sure to remind you how wrong you can be.

At first, you spent a few minutes of your day looking at him. Then those few minutes got longer. Now you couldn't stop staring at his surprisingly strong arms, the size of his hands that could choke and please every inch of your body, how his fingers parted his hair, or how desirable his chest looked whenever he ditched his blazer over the chair during busy days. But you still thought that it was some silly hobby you did from afar.

But by the time you realized you were in love, it was late. Nanami quickly became someone special.

You weren't sure when, but you were not complaining either. He was responsible and kind to your coworkers, especially to you. He would thank you when you brought him coffee whenever you saw him tired, and help him organize his desk in case he was in a hurry. There were days when you both decided to stay until very late to finish a project and spend an insane amount of time together.

And that's exactly what happened that day. Although; you enjoy each other's company, overtime on a Friday night was a mood killer.

"Oh, Mr. Nanami! Guess who bought you a sandwich from the one food truck that was still open," you said while holding, proudly, a plastic bag with his food. "I was one step from ordering something from WacDonalds, but fortunately I found one. They said their food was good but the final verdict it's up to you boss."

Nanami hated overtime. Yes, everybody does, but he never failed to express his despise towards staying until very late working, so you suspect he didn't prepare any food beforehand, unlike you who always had one or two snacks just in case.

"Here, your favorite." You said, leaving his food on his desk, away from the papers and computer. He just looked at you with a tired yet grateful smile.

"You didn't need to do that. I can eat greasy food without dying. But thank you nonetheless," He said, looking briefly at your appearance and feeling guilty. You look out of breath and messy from all that running, but he couldn’t say more because he knew his dark eye bags and wrinkly shirt were ten times worse.

You chuckle at his answer "You do? I always thought you were too old to enjoy some old-time favorite junk food," you said sitting down in the nearest chair, exhausted. "Sorry, I couldn't get anything to drink. "

"Again, you don't have to, water it's just fine, " he took a bite of his sandwich, leaving a soft moan savoring the food. You were relieved it was tasty enough. "Ok, maybe you do. This is a nice one," he said, licking at his lips, one gesture you'd normally find unimpressive, but Nanami always made sure to catch your attention with the most simple things.

His lips were slightly shiny, tempting. Imagine how soft they might be from afar. He had a respectful way to speak to others. Did that also apply to his kisses? Or his gentlemanly appearance would turn into a disrespectful passion that would put anyone to their knees? Maybe, you knew how sarcastic his persona became when angry. Nanami was a man who carefully humiliated with elegance, you've seen it before, and deep down, you crave being the one put in their place by him.

"Are you alright?" his voice got you out of your trance bursting your bubble. "I'm serious, you don't have to stay with me. Go home and rest, I can finish this tomorrow morning."

"Mr. Nanami, you know I won't let you do that." you stood up in front of him as if you weren't dying a moment before. And unconsciously approached him forgetting any professional behavior " It's the third time this month they left our team extra work for gods knows why! And we both know who takes said extra responsibility. I'll not let you handle this by yourself, you look exhausted!"

Then he said, "So you do," and he was right about that. Within the past months, your concealer has gotten more covering to hide your dark circles. So you sighted defeated

"Are you sure there's something else?"

"Not really. It's either mine or someone else's job."

“Nothing?”

“Not a thing, Miss Guerrero. I’m dead serious.”

"Alright," you accepted his answer. The least you wanted is to sound like a pushover. "I'll get my stuff and organize before leaving."

The clock just struck 11 o’clock, and the temperature in the office got worse, security turned off the air conditioner long ago, and your blouse was paying once again the consequences. You also wish you could get rid of your hosiery right there, but that would be inappropriate.

Thankfully all your things were in order, unlike yourself. As soon as you feel the sweat over your body, you take a look in your pocket mirror.

“Fuck!” you said horrified. Everything was a mess, from the hair to the makeup. “Nanami saw me like this?!” checking and fixing to some degree your appearance. Hopefully, the rest of your foundation could hide your embarrassment. How can you confront him after that?

Well, it was already late. You fixed the rest as much as possible before saying goodbye and finishing the night.

Barely crossing the door to his office, you saw him immersed in his computer. You also noticed he finished his sandwich and left behind a trail of disposable cups with coffee and water along with other folders and documents. You doubt he heard you coming.

"Mr. Nanami, I'm leaving." your voice was low, trying not to distract him more. “I hope you have a good night”

He nodded and said, "You too Miss. Guerrero." while settling in his chair trying to be less uncomfortable.

Then a crack sound, one very loud crack.

You, who were almost closing the door, turned around both surprised and worried. Nanami; in the same manner as yours, looked shocked.

"What was that?" you asked, kinda knowing the answer. "Mr.Nanami!" you approach him immediately.

"Everything is fine, I'm alright!" he tried to say but it didn't matter, you were already in front of him trying to figure out where that sound came from.

You never intended to be bold, but your hands were currently on his neck and shoulder, looking for something. Right at the moment, you didn’t stop, you left aside the fact that he was your boss and you were crossing his boundaries.

Your hands traveled and touched without noticing how red his face was and how nervous his breathing got. In his mind, Nanami tried to convince himself it was because of the situation; but not even he could ignore how close your chest was from his face. He thanked the office for having feeble lights, otherwise, he could have been able to tell the color of your bra.

“Mr.Nanami your body isn’t supposed to sound like that,” you said, doing a bit more pressure in between his neck and shoulder. “How long have you been like this? ”

“For a while.” His answer was vague, like many others that involved his health, so you assume it has been more than a while. “My vacations are in less than a month, I’ll be ok”

“Mr.Nanami, don’t lie to me. I know how much you hate overworking” you said. “If you needed to relax you could have said so. I can give you a massage” you suggested.

Nanami was scandalized, “Miss Guerrero, I can’t let you do that!” He was attempting to dismiss your idea.“It would be unprofessional of me, I don’t want to compromise you.”

Being rational, he was right. Nanami might put you in danger as an employee under his care. But there was more about his answer, he refused to let things escalate because he knew how much power you had over his body.

The slight touch of your fingers over his neck was enough to destabilize him. His legs trembled anxiously anytime you moved closer to him, yearning for more.

In the privacy of his home, he could imagine, whispering your name as a lover does, and you'd do the same. If he focused enough, he might even taste the sweetness of your lips, the softest of your skin, and the way your body reacts to his own.

Nanami would take you in as many ways as possible. Listen to your demands. Harder, slower, deeper. You'd be whimpering and digging your nail on his back lost in pleasure, and he would be pressing down your thighs to make sure you take every inch.

"No, I must stop," he thought.

This wasn’t the privacy of his home and your presence nor part of his imagination.

"You don't have to," he whispered.

"But I want to," you replied. "Now get comfortable and leave it to me, Boss"

"Now that I think about it we should move somewhere less chaotic," you remark. His desk wasn't necessarily easy, full of obstacles. Perhaps that one sofa at the corner of his office would work, there were a few things out of place, but nothing you couldn’t solve. " You know what? Why don't you get more comfortable while I prepare some stuff?"

"Yes...sure," he said quietly.

Meanwhile, he took advantage of your absence to calm himself. His chest moved faster, looking for more air than he normally needed. Unfortunately, the real challenge was hiding the bulge in between his thighs, Nanami doubted the lack of light could conceal his arousal.

Nanami always considered himself someone respectful. He avoided unnecessary conflict as much as possible, just like swearing or violent outbursts, and the fact Gojo still walked with all his teeth was proof of it, however being around you was an exception.

He knows it’s not intentional, he trusts you. But in moments like this Nanami didn't trust himself with you, someone so sweet, so bright. A living temptation that torments him every day he is beside you.

“I’m done, Nanami. You can come” you said with a playful tone, maybe it was intentional.

Thankfully the sofa was big enough for you two. You saw how he left his tie over his desk and came near, undoing his first two buttons and sitting in front of you, giving you his back.

“You can start, I’m also ready,” he said, not looking at you.

When you proposed giving him a massage you never thought it would be naughty because of your previous experience working as a masseuse before changing your career path. You had the training, and the skill, and have seen multiple people with barely anything, not the actual situation, but the point is understandable. Your intentions were never about taking some advantage of; however you'll soon realize how odd the whole situation is, not now, but you will.

As soon as you let your hand reach his shoulder you noticed how his body reacted immediately. The stiffness of his posture was concerning, Nanami's muscles were so tense you could compare them to a rock. You left a sight and started.

You keep massaging his lower neck and shoulder blades. Sometimes a bit further on his back, but never crossing his waistline, now fearing that it would make him uncomfortable.

Up and down, and applying bits of pressure. His breath became slower and his stiffness began to fade. Nanami melted on your hands like butter.

"How are you feeling? It's everything alright?" you whispered, coming near to his ear. He just shook his head with a soft motion.

His voice sounded raspy and lower, maybe he was finally relaxing. "No," he answered almost out of breath. "It feels good"

For instance, you realized that providing these services, in particular, wasn’t your brightest idea. Hearing his voice had an immediate effect on your body; as if it had awoken a dormant kink, but you had to be professional and keep going. You'll deal with your wet underwear later.

"I know it's not my business nor my responsibility," you said. " but I'm honest when I said that I don't like it when you push your limits."

He chuckled softly, which was a relief because you were beginning to sense the difference in his posture.

"Considering the things you do for me, it's kind of obvious that you care for my well-being," He said softly "and I don't think I could be more grateful that you're by my side, especially now. I haven’t talked to anyone but..."

"But?"

"but I think you deserve to know that I decided to leave... "

"You are quitting?!" you asked, obviously surprised by the news.

"Yes, I've been thinking about it for a long time and it's time to move on. We both know this job isn't exactly my passion."

He couldn't be more miserable.

Even when you stopped to process the information, you felt a great discomfort in your belly, as if instead of butterflies you had wasps in your stomach. The universe decides to give you the middle finger and laugh at your face. But you couldn't complain either, at some point, your paths were going to part, you just wished it wouldn't be so soon.

"Oh..." was all you could reply.

"Don't worry, before I leave I'll make sure to make up for all the sandwiches you bought me," he said, trying to cheer you up.

His proposal wasn't bad, that way you'd figure out how to make up for what you had left as partners and coworkers. "You mean go out to dinner or literally pay for them?" you asked jokingly using a more cheerful voice since it wouldn't do to let on how much you were affected by his departure. "Because those gourmet breads you like so much aren't cheap at all."

Nanami, who was still mostly turning his back on you, took the opportunity and that he was more comfortable, to slightly lean his body on you and rest his head near the hollow between your neck. Nanami smiled, his lips almost touching your neck. "Whatever you want, I've always intended to spoil you, even if it's with small gestures" he finally said, his voice just as husky as before. "It's the least I can do for my favorite assistant."

“Nanami, please, I’m your only assistant!”

“Even better, that way I can give you all my attention”

You couldn't hold back the smile "You already do that every day"

“ I do” he asked

“Yes! I couldn't ask for a better boss " When you mentioned his position it was in an attempt to keep what was left of your sanity. Your body temperature was rising with the minutes, your clothes were making you uncomfortable and getting in the way. The reasons had nothing to do with poor office maintenance.

His skin, his voice, the closeness of your bodies, and the subtle scent of his cologne, notes of tangerine, tonka bean, and sandalwood. You could try to hold your breath as long as you wanted, but at the end of the day, this man was the main source of your despair.

"I don't think you understand what I mean " Nanami broke away from you and adjusted her position to face you. "I want to show my gratitude to the one person who has kept me sane all this time. I don't think I could have made it through these last few weeks without you, please let me show you how grateful I am that you're by my side; even if it's just for one night."

"Nanami... I" you murmured without paying much attention to your surroundings or the blond's newfound closeness. At no point could you look away or move, you just stood there enraptured by his eyes as his hands gently cupped your face and deposited a chaste kiss at the corner of your lips.

The sensation was short, basically imperceptible, but that was enough to elicit a desperate gasp from you, eager for more.

He didn't wait, still avoiding your lips, Nanami began to kiss your cheeks. Tracing a map of caresses until he reached the junction of your jaw and lightly tested the ground on your neck. From chaste strokes to more intense strokes, sometimes you felt the brush of her teeth. You felt even more heat on your cheeks and the blond's mouth on the most sensitive part of your neck, biting and kissing more and more vehemently. None of this was helping to keep your moans in check.

"Please y/n, tell me we can go on."

"Nanami" you whispered, your mind was softly and slightly lost in his caresses. "Please" you finally agreed. "Please don't stop"

You sounded desperate for more and rightfully so. Nanami pulled away from you completely and for an instant, you felt cold even as your body kept rising in temperature.

You wanted to beg him to come back, but he just put his fingers on your lips preventing you from saying another word. And with all the gentleness in the world, he started to walk up and down your legs making you more comfortable on the couch, your back was completely laid back on the sofa while he continued his tour of your thighs covered by your stockings.

His hands covered most of your thighs, gently squeezing the soft flesh and tracing his lips over your body again. You already knew how warm his lips were on your skin, but feeling them on the most sensitive part of your inner thighs was a different experience.

“Do you like it, y/n?” he asked looking directly at you “Because I know I do” he said giving a quick kiss to the part where your underwear limits your body. “ But I need an answer unless you want me to stop here”

You gasped before giving him an answer, he began teasing your pussy with kind licks that wet through your hosiery and took your sanity in the process “Yes… Yes please” you finally responded to him.

“Good girl,” he said, smiling at you.

Nanami caressed your thighs until she reached the edge of your underwear and stockings. The blond smiled mischievously as he began to play with the elastic and then carefully slid your stockings down your thigh and calves until he reached your ankles. When he finally managed to get rid of them he didn't hesitate to kiss your ankle before moving your legs over his shoulders.

Repositioning her face again between your thighs, you could now feel the warmth of her skin directly against yours. Nanami couldn't wait any longer, with one last look he brought his tongue close to that wet patch in your underwear. The first few licks were tentative, but once he heard your sweet gasps and felt you moving against his face in search of more friction, he didn't hesitate to grab your thighs and dive into your covered pussy and lick more.

The sounds were obscene. His tongue was hard against your panties, It was getting more and more soaked with your arousal and his saliva. Unconsciously you moved your pelvis looking for more pressure, but it wasn't enough. You needed the contact to be even more direct.

Nanami enjoyed your neediness. Looking at you almost gone in pleasure sure was a spectacle. He was a good man, he could feel what you needed the most, but not yet. For an instant, he separated himself from you. You protested his absence, and he just smiled. Nanami moved to the fabric of your underwear and exposed your pussy lips to the environment.

— So pretty. — he kissed them briefly before submerging himself fully into your cunt. Licking, sucking, and teasing your hole. Nanami was merciless as you began to pant.

His nose hit your neglected clit more than once, the friction was delicious, but not enough to make you cum. In an attempt to intensify the sensation, you grabbed his hair and hump his nose as he dived his tongue inside your pussy. — Oh, please!... Kento, please. — you moaned with a bit of desperation. He let go a little laugh to your annoyance, and before you could protest he dive one of his fingers into your pussy replacing his tongue and moving his lips close to the hood of your clit, but not enough to make contact.

— Oh, is this what you need, darling? Do you want me to suck here? — his tone was playful, mocking your desperation. Nanami gave a quick lick to your click and you clenched your walls over his fingers. You nodded but he didn’t look pleased. — Use your words. Do you want me to suck your clit? Do you want to cum on my fingers?. —

This time he began to move his digits in and out of your pussy, they were bigger than yours and a lot more skillful since it didn’t take them a lot to find that little rough patch above your pelvis. He looked at you, loving how easy it was to make you yearn for him. His mistreatment didn't stop. Nanami kept hitting your spot waiting for your words even if you couldn't articulate his name without babbling.

— ple…aSE! Aah!... Kena…ToO! –

— What you say, darling? I can understand. Do you need something from me? — he teased.

— Cum! I need to cum, pleaasee!

He smiled — Whatever you need. —

He put aside his own arousal and concentrated on moving his fingers with more precision, hitting your g-spot. Your body couldn't hold it anymore, your breathing became irregular, your sight blurry. Walls were ready to finish all over his fingers. And when you did, your eyes closed tightly as your body trapped Nanami's fingers, covering him and the sofa with your juices.

Nanami pulled out from your body, amazed by your beauty. Then he proceeds to lick his fingers moaning from the taste.— Am afraid we need somewhere comfier. My apartment perhaps. — he said. — What do you think?

As you incorporated more, you saw how little his pants were counseling his boner. To say you wanted to reciprocate the favor was an understatement, but he was right. His office was not the place for that, as if he didn't already make you see stars minutes before.

— Well… we do deserve a break.

He nodded. — You’re always right. What would I do without you? — Nanami leaned to your height and kissed you one last time before helping you dress. The night was young, and for to new found lovers, that was the best news they could receive.

Hopefully, I will finish this someday. You guys have no idea how much dust this shit was collecting.

My first smut, not entirely proud of the outcome, but I've seen worse things being done.

if you guys find a mistake, my bad.

Bone appel teet.

[studywave]

PDF Readers: What Do You Want? What Do You Need?

Hey all! I promised a series of posts on resources that have helped me during undergrad, and I'm going to start with the basics: how to read your coursework. I'm going to tag a few people who mentioned being interested in this series, but please let me know if you'd like to be untagged!

@anyto @wocinstem @youneedtostudyives @studyblr-perhaps

Now, I'm an English major, so I can't speak on behalf of the sciences, but almost all of my course materials have been given to me in the form of PDFs. I also download almost all my research in PDF format, and when I find books for free online, they're usually PDFs. Clearly, this means I need some easy way to read and edit PDFs. Below the cut, you'll find information on how to choose a PDF reader that's right for you, as well as information on Xodo, my personal favorite reader.

What should you consider when choosing a PDF reader?

Well, first, there's cost. There are all kinds of PDF readers at all kinds of price points. Xodo, my favorite, is free. I've never used the paid version, because for my purposes, the free version is more than enough. Now, let's talk about those purposes.

As an English student, I'm mostly concerned with annotation. I want to be able to mark my documents up, highlight them, write on them, leave comments, all that good stuff. However, what I need might not be what you need. Do you need to sign a lot of documents? Do you need to build PDFs from scratch? Are you more concerned with appearance, or with functionality?

Once you've answered these questions, you'll be able to search online for reviews dealing with the specific kinds of functionality you need.

Why should you use Xodo?

Well, for starters, the free version has more than I will ever need. I can edit, I can annotate, I can sign, I can highlight. I can do pretty much anything my English major heart desires, and I can use my Apple pencil to do it (I'll make another post about ipads and Apple pencils and link it here once it's finished).

This screenshot shows a lot of my favorite parts of Xodo. I can highlight in different colors (I use green to make information on further reading stand out) and I can write (also in different colors) with my Apple pencil, all while scrolling and navigating with my hand. I don't have to constantly click back and forth between marking and scrolling like I do with some apps, and I can lay my hand on the screen without disturbing anything. This, the ability to confine the text marking to the pencil, is really important to me. I don't like to be constantly clicking around and making accidental marks.

I've also been able to read almost every PDF I've put on here without much trouble. Between the size of my ipad screen (which will be the subject of another post), the high resolution, and the ability to zoom and scroll at the same time, I can read even pretty low-quality PDFs with very little trouble.

You might also notice the little box with the "4" in it in the upper right corner. This indicates the number of tabs I have open because yes, you can have multiple tabs open in Xodo. I've had over ten tabs open at a time, some containing 300+ page documents, and I've never had lagging or glitching problems.

Here's a selection of other actions Xodo allows. I've never scanned anything to PDF using it, but if the rest of the app is anything to go by, it probably works just fine.

I've had the occasional problem with glitching (maybe once per every five hours of reading I do, if that) which usually just involves a section of the text going black and can be solved by closing and reopening the app. Closing and reopening is no problem, either, because Xodo saves your place.

All this to say, I've used Xodo for a little over a year now, and I have no complaints. I cannot recommend it highly enough, and I'm sure the paid version is even better. That's all for now. Happy reading!

[fancy-allude]

Sleep Deprived

Akaashi Keiji x Reader

-------------------------

Staying awake for 17 hours straight or more is equivalent to being drunk, and right now your boyfriend is very much drunk. Running on caffeine and snacks every now and then he is trying his best to stay awake in class. Eyes so red and bags so deep, he does his best to stay alert and it was partially your fault.

-------------------------------

Every now and then you’d notice Keiji looking at his phone whenever you passed by a bookstore and when curiosity finally won you over. You just decided to ask him straight on what was going on to which he showed you the list of books he was planning to collect whenever possible. You weren’t quite familiar with books but you were able to take a mental note of a few.

The following day while hanging out with a friend, they managed to take you to a bookstore which was well hidden in between some buildings which your friend has declared a ‘treasure island.’ You parted ways as they searched for their books while you scanned through the different sections, admiring the hardbound covers as well the intricate designs embedded in them. Suddenly you were caught yourself staring at a book with familiar words. You reached for the book and turned a few pages, the images displayed in between showed great attention to detail and words seem to be drawing you deeper in the book. You could see why Keiji has it on his list, and it made you ecstatic knowing you could help him complete his collection.

Your friend was just around the corner looking for you after having purchased what they were looking for.

“Ohhh, that’s a good one.” They coo staring at the book you have in hand.

“Do you know anything about this?” You ask hoping to ensure that you didn’t get the wrong one.

“Yup, one of my favorites and a classic. Though I never knew you were into books seeing as to how you picked an incredible one.”

“It’s not for me silly.” You retort while chuckling.

“Aha, should have known.” They tease as you make your way to the counter.

Exiting the shop and realizing it has gotten late, you said your goodbyes and parted ways. Book in hand you couldn’t hold back your and went straight to his place. Overwhelmed with excitement you were frantically knocking on his doors. He was quite confused when he opened the door but before he could say anything you held the book in face.

“Keiji, Keiji I got you something. I just couldn’t wait another day to hand it to you.” You say with an adorable smile. Just as you expected, he held the book with the goofiest smile on his face.

“Thank you for the gift and or remembering.” Setting the book aside he cups your face and kisses your forehead.

"No problem, just saw something that reminded me of you." You reply. Noticing how dark it was outside, your boyfriend put on a jacket and took a shawl placing it on your neck.

“Now, let’s get you home before I start worrying about you.” Taking your things on one hand and holding your hand with the other, he walked you home while you rambled on about your day.

It was just a sweet and innocent gift, a token of appreciation per say but at that moment you weren't aware today that your boyfriend isn’t an ordinary bookworm but an addict.

He arrived late to school and was obviously tired, he kept on stumbling on his steps and bumping everywhere. Worried about his well being you approached him during break time.

“Keiji is everything all right? You’re usual on time and you look more tired than ever.” You ask worriedly holding a hand to his forhead.

“You don’t seem to be sick and we didn’t have any school work, so what happened to you?”

Instead of answering he just snuggled into your presence, not being one for PDA you tried to pry him off fully flustered at the situation.

“Uhm Keiji, we’re at school so you might want to have to wait until we’re somewhere private.” You say in a hurry still trying to get him off you.

“Book.” Is the only answer you get.

“Please elaborate, I can’t read minds you know.” Trying to coo him out of your waist to which you succeeded. Yet you were once more taken aback when he openly pouts at you.

“You don’t love me anymore.” Which had you stumped with a hand on your mouth stopping yourself from laughing out loud.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Can you tell me what happened that got you in this situation? Please?” Still no answer from him.

“I’ll give you a hug if you answer me.” You try to bribe him into talking to you as he is acting very much like a child.

“I read the book you gave me last night. It was too nice to stop and when I finished it was already morning.” He answers quickly with his arms wide open waiting for his hug.

"Did you finish it in one sitting?" You doubfoundedly ask as you were frozen in place.

"Yes." He answers hastily while waiting for your hug.

Facepalming at the situation you couldn't help but think about how dangerous it is to hand him a book.

[albino-parakeet]

Dinosaur Season

I’m so glad you guys enjoy my Dinosaur sky art! ^_^ A bit surprised how much attention they’ve gotten!

I saw in some comments/tags of ideas for a Dinosaur season. News flash! I also had ideas for one, tho some of stuff looks kind of similar to Season of Abyss. (Clarifying that I don’t think TGC took the designs or whatever, I never publicly posted these, so it’s just pure coincidence.)

Luckily I got my poor, poor laptop to boot up so I can transfer the art here. Just a heads up most of these are just sketches, getting a feel for the idea. If I worked on it now I’d probably change a few things, but I don’t have the time -_-‘ Unfortunately most of the brainstorming was done in DM with one of my friends almost 2 years ago, I’ll try to piece together what I can from it and try to update it with the current lore

Heads up it’s very wordy. (Also sorry for the varying quality of the images)

So when I started brainstorming this Sky was in between The Little Prince and the beginning of Season of Flight. So some of the story from the Season of Flight is connected to this Fan Season. I could never figure out a name that stuck, I just called it Season of Rediscovery. It’s heavily inspired by James Gurney’s “Dinotopia”, if you haven’t read it just look up some of the art it’s beautiful.

Similar to Season of Prophecy, the entrance is a cave that had recently been unblocked. I don’t have a great idea about what realm it would be held in. The entrance cave is big but has an opening on the top that let’s sunlight in. In the middle of cave is a steep drop where the Season is.

Based on the Son Doong Cave, it’s a cave with its own ecosystem. (And it’s own light creatures ;) ) I realized too late that it’s similar to the one area in the Hidden Forest, but I love it too much now so. The main peak in the middle is speckled with Gingko like trees, with a kind of heavy mist wrapping around it. A shallow lake surrounds the main peak, save for a skinny path that curves left into a darker section.

Glowworm cave is a dark cave filled with an array of lights produced by the Glowworms that inhabit it. I’ve thought about how it would affect people with light sensitivity and epilepsy. The lights don’t flicker but slowly pulse and aren’t too bright. I think it would be similar to the meditation room from Season of Aurora. It would be like a quiet get away for anyone who needs it, honks are muted and there’s a soft tune that plays.

On the other side of the opening, past the shallow lake is an expanse of rolling grassland, with posts that hang an arrangement of flags that follow a well worn path that leads to the city/town. This is where my favorite spirit is located.

Cloud gazing Shepard!

He’s the Shepard of a herd of Diablocertops, it’s not a big herd but a good size. He takes this herd out to the field area near the entrance where the sun comes through at the top of the cave. And they sit on this one rock almost every day, he takes this herd out just to look at whatever clouds pass by the opening at the top or the ones that form around the mountain at the base of this cave. 

Sadly they are the only spirit I have a basic design of, which sucks cause there’s another spirit with a cute short story with them. So I’ll just put that blurb here.

Meticulous Artist- “ Coincidentally another spirit seems to come to the same field at the same time as them, carrying an easel, paints, and a canvas. The Shepard didn’t think much of it since it seems they’re painting the same scene he’s looking at. But one day when The Shepard decides to take a nap, they get tapped on the shoulder by the Painter Spirit holding the canvas that they’ve been lugging out there almost everyday. And it’s a painting of him staring at the clouds without a care in the world”

Since I only have my Shepard boy to show I’ll tell what the story is for all the spirits. So the spirits that live in this city/cave are all families that realized what was happening, leaving in search of someplace safe. (This was way before Season of Remembrance or Aurora came out so this whole war thing was based on the theories and hints from other seasons.) As the war went on any soldier or civilians mortally wounded, and any spirit seeking shelter would be given passage to this settlement. A good few have prosthetic limbs ex. Cloud gazing Shepard and Meticulous Artist, and a large number of the other spirits are young, (either too young to fight or basically dodged the draft) too old to fight or sick. It’s unsure how long they’ve been settled but they do have access to trading.

If you notice on the Diabloceratops from earlier it has a bell similar to the Chimesmith from Season of Flight. I’d like to believe there’s stacks of documents, covered in dust, in the Chimesmith’s area, and maybe some in the other spirits too, that are trading papers and such from this town. But every document doesn’t state where this town is because “who wouldn’t know about them. No need to write where they’re at” a real “Land of Punt” situation.

Your Sky kid arrives to the city, it’s dressed in decorations and lights, the quests that are given are related to preparations for a celebration of the city. You help the Shepard with dressing the dinosaurs for the parade, help the Artist in charge of the decorations, and help the Outgoing musician compose for the Dance. An outlier spirit is the Excitable Youngster, a kid just so excited for the festival. Towards the end of the Season it’s revealed why the path to this city was blocked. In an effort to keep the darkness from spreading, they sealed off the entrances and ultimately trapping themselves inside as well.

Mask designs, Nasutoceratops belongs to the Musician and the Carnotaurus is most likely an Ultimate. There’s a Parasaurolophus mask but I lost it :(, it would belong to the Youngster.

The masks are based on Opalized fossils. Nasutoceratops is Opal and Carnotaurus is Amber. The Parasaurolophus was like a Lapis Lazuli. They are sadly unfinished.

(Ignore the duck mask, I was using it as reference XD)

The Musician’s instrument(s) are Ringing Rocks, a special rock that rings when hit with a hammer. This is the stage, positioned in the middle of a city plaza like area. No clue if it could be an instrument for Sky kids haul around, but it could be an interactive thing like the Sanctuary bells.

This is a good example of the ringing rocks for music. Heads up, It’s a little loud. Music starts at 1:14.

A doodle of the parade, featuring Olorotitan. (Rip quality)

Sorry there’s not a lot of art with it, and it’s mainly just text but I wanted to share it. Any questions about it, I’d love to answer or critiques work too. This was just for fun anyway.

[notebookmusical]

that would be so helpful! no pressure if you're busy though xx

hello dear anon!! so sorry for the delay — here are some ARC tips! 🤍 feel free to send me a message if anything isn't clear, or if you (or anyone else reading this) have any more questions! 💌

requesting ARCs as a book blogger/bookstagrammer:

something that i did very early on after making my book blog + bookstagram was google search "[publisher] publicity email" (for example "harper voyager publicity email" or "simon teen publicity email"), and then email them introducing myself and asking to be put on their mailing list/to join their influencing program! some publishers will send out periodic forms to see what upcoming releases you're interested in, and while that doesn't always guarantee an arc, sometimes they'll send you one!

if you want a specific ARC, you'll want to email the publicity team directly! you can find the email by googling the publisher of a specific book + publicity team. be sure to double check who the publisher is in your country! for example, a book could be published under harper in the states, and another publishing house in a different country. some imprints have their own emails, whereas others may group several imprints together (for example: all YA, etc.). sometimes, authors will also list a specific contact is on their website as well!

in your email, you'll want to include a little bio introducing yourself, your statistics/following count, why you're interested in the book (if you're an ownvoices reviewer for that specific book, and you're open to disclosing that, i would also add that), and then your email + mailing address (if you want a print ARC). print ARCs are a little harder to acquire, so be sure to note if you need one for accessibility purposes. don't be discouraged if you don't get an ARC, or if you get ignored — i still get my emails ignored sometimes, and it took me a really long time to start getting print ARCs.

netgalley tips:

update your bio periodically! i used to be very diligent about updating mine every month, but i haven't done that in a little bit.

my bio essentially follows this format: [introduction about myself + my platforms + statistics], [examples of past reviews of mine], [a few sentences about my favorite books/genres/authors], and then a way to reach me [email]. of course, mine is geared towards ~ bookstagram/book blogging~, so adapt this however you want/need to!

under any circumstances, do not mass request ARCs. i warn everyone about this when they first start out on netgalley, because i made the stupid decision to request like, thirty ARCs, thinking i wouldn't get approved for any, and then of course, i got approved for a good chunk and got overwhelmed.

the ideal netgalley ratio is 80%! it'll take a while to build it up to 80%, so be patient and don't be discouraged if you get declined ARCs. remember that ARCs are first and foremost, a marketing tool.

keep an eye out on the read now section — it'll help you build up your ratio, but also, every once in a while some publishers (forever, wednesday books, etc.) will add some highly anticipated ARCs as "read now" for a limited time period (24 hours, 48, etc.). if you have emails turned on from netgalley, you might get emails about this periodically too!

[starlightkun]

hiiii mel <3 i’m.. thinking of starting to write for nct.. mostly jaemin.. and i more or less have an idea for formatting but it’s been a really long time since i’ve had to do graphics for fic’s (like the banner and stuff!) and i was wondering if you had any tips for that? like where to find good pictures (solid backgrounds seem like the best choice for not clashing with the lettering, a problem i ran into unfortunately…) and also is there any particular place you get your fonts from? if you aren’t comfortable answering that (or any of this!) then that’s totally ok and feel free to just give general advice or ignore this completely :]

now i leave you with renjun… https://www.instagram.com/reel/C117-m9JGuo/?igsh=aXI1YmZ6M2YycHg1

hiii! under the cut!

so you've already got a good idea with using solid backgrounds for fic headers to make it easier for the text to show up! i source pretty much all my images from the groups/idols' official social medias. i just caution you not to take screenshots of say, instagram uploads, because this will degrade the quality of the image. either download it from twitter or wherehaveyou, or from an updates account like neocatharsis or wayvment here on tumblr! another word of caution: DO NOT DOWNLOAD TEASER IMAGES/PHOTOSHOOT IMAGES FROM CONTENT CREATORS WHO MAKE EDITS TO THE IMAGES, SUCH AS CHANGING THE COLORS, UN-WHITEWASHING, ETC., WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION. THAT IS THEFT FROM OTHER FANS. updates accounts like neocatharsis and wayvment simply reupload the original images posted by the entertainment company/idol in the exact same form without making changes to them. editors make alterations to the image and that new image is their own creative work, separate from the original one posted. you need the editor's explicit permission in order to use their edited version as a fic header.

i do all of my editing on my phone for my fics (except for the thin section dividers that i use, which i make in pirated photoshop cs6 so i can get specific dimensions, 540x2 pixels, and make the gradients super quick in a way that i know how to do. there may be a super easy way to do this w an app on ur phone too, that's just how i know how to)

anyway, if i have a photo that i really like, that i just knowwwww matches with the image of the guy in the fic in my head or smth, that i just rlly want to use but has a busier background, sometimes i'll use the portrait editing settings on my phone to blur the background a little bit and that makes the text a lot more legible (i have a samsung but im 99% sure iphones can do this too)

i typically don't bump it past 1 or 2, or the edges of the blur start looking a bit harsh, and i find that i don't really need more than this for the text to pop against the background anyway!

as for putting the text on the photos, i've the used the app phonto for years! it's completely free, doesn't put any watermark on your photos, comes with a bunch of fonts pre-installed, isn't super ad-heavy (it has a rlly small banner ad all the time at the top, and only shows u a skippable 10s ad when u save a finished photo), and you can download fonts from the internet to install straight into the app!

my favorite free font website is dafont.com, i literally will spend hours just browsing on there looking at fonts to download lmao. anyway here's how i find fonts for stuff and download, install, and use them with dafont and phonto:

once you have phonto downloaded, open dafont.com

up at the top, it has a bunch of different categories of fonts. for this example, i chose fancy > groovy, and then on this first page, i liked this font called "lostar" (there's also a search bar up there, but it only searches font names, not kinds of fonts, so if you're looking for a groovy-feeling font and you searched "groovy," only fonts with the word "groovy" in the name would come up)

i then press download, and open in my browser (i use firefox btw, which is why it looks like this lol). make sure you're opening the .zip file with the phonto app (it opens directly into into phonto on my phone, you may have to choose to open the .zip file using the phonto app from several options, instead of your phone's file explorer or some other app on your phone)

in the phonto app, you have to click install, then install again (it gives you the option to rename it, but i just keep the original font name bc why would you rename it?).

that READ THIS.txt file is a message from the font maker, it's the personal use license for the font (most of the fonts on dafont.com are free for personal use ONLY, and these .txt files that are contained in the .zip files are notes from the font makers telling u what u can and can't use the fonts for. generally, as long as ur not a business, u should be good this is not legal advice, please read them. also there's usually little thank you notes from the font makers in here as well!)

click ok.

then you've got to slap some text on an image. you can choose an image from your camera roll, use one of their plain images, or open a pre-saved work-in-progress. for this example i used one of their premade gradients to make it easy

type whatever it is you want, click font. the left tab is the pre-installed fonts, the middle tab is the fonts that you've downloaded from elsewhere. here's the lostar we just got!

oh can't see it.

there we go! how fun! i'll probably use this in a fic header in the future. download button in the top right.

[inkabelledesigns]

I'm seeing a lot of comments where people are trying to figure out where to go to roleplay with real people. So I wanted to add on with some advice for you.

If you're unsure where to go, there are many places to find fellow roleplayers. Look around on Tumblr's search feature for RP and askblogs, or consider making one yourself and tagging it with your fandom to be seen. If you write fanfiction, maybe put an offer at the end of your fic to roleplay with people in that fandom.

Search around for fandom Discord servers that have an RP section. I recently found myself in a Kirby server where the roleplaying scene is really fun. I'm mostly a spectator, but it's amazing how many tools there are for that, from typing regularly to making character profiles with Tupperbot and similar tools. Look for forum websites to see if they have any RP forums. I used to be a part of a forum on TV Tropes for a roleplayl called We Have All Been Gender Flipped, or WHABGF for short. Genuinely had a lot of fun there.

Heck, back when YouTube had a comments section on people's channels, my earliest internet roleplaying days were there. If you want to go make a YouTube video and use the comments section for roleplaying, by all means, go for it. It's unorthodox, but so long as everyone consents to it, why not? XD I mean there were days where my high school friends and I would make color coded Google Docs to roleplay together, we had some Sly Cooper level adventures that were so much fun. When you have friends or mutuals, reach out to them directly to ask if they'd be into it. I remember briefly playing around on a website called Chatzy for private chat rooms. I can't vouch for how it is now, but maybe that would be up your alley.

If you want more than text, then there's always a good drawing roleplay. Maybe you open up a Magma canvas and open it up to some friends or the public, and you doodle out some scenarios of your characters together. Maybe you find an online multiplayer game where you can goof around together. I can't say I know enough about VR chat to recommend it, but I'm told it's good to go in with a group of people you already know for that (and to be cautious about spicy stuff). Heck, you could probably do stuff like this in stuff like Minecraft if you wanted.

I know it can be scary to reach out to someone about this stuff, but I promise you, it's worth it. Be kind, be polite, and remember, the worst thing they can say is no. And it's okay to say no, that's not the end of the world. One door closed means another door is open somewhere else. Just remember, the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person. They have a life outside of their phone that has them doing all sorts of things, and sometimes roleplays will be slow because of that. I know it's hard to wait, but waiting is worth it to have fun with someone whose company you enjoy.

If you're still anxious about being with real people, there's always playing life simulation games like The Sims. Most of the time, the base game is free for Sims 4, and there's so many mods you can download without ever needing to use Expansion packs. And on stuff like the Gallery, you can find lots of Sims of your favorite characters made by others, and you can tweak them to your liking. I personally love designing OCs and characters from my favorite media in games like this to play out their lives, romances, etc.

If you like text based games and want to imagine a character, a lot of my friends have been enjoying Fallen London recently. There's a lot of imagination and character creation you can do within the different scenarios they give you, and seeing all of their OCs from this has been a treat. There's also a messaging system there (that I keep neglecting to use, I'm so sorry guys) for a little bit of roleplay adjacent communicating between characters from real people, but it's not required. I'm sure there are other things like it out there that fit this niche, this is just the one I know of.

There are many ways to fill the part of your heart that loves roleplaying, and I promise you, it's worth it to take the time to try them. You will become a better writer and get better at socializing the more you exercise those skills, and ultimately, you'll find your people. And it's going to be so much fun! Just remember, be kind, get consent, and talk things out if you're unsure of where the boundaries are. It's gonna be okay, you've got this, you are gonna find something that works for you. I believe in you!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go take my own advice and try to be less scared of roleplaying with some cool people I know. XD Because boy did I need a reminder that it's not so bad, and things are gonna be okay.

reminder that being against ai also means being against character.ai and not using character.ai and not interacting with character.ai

i've never talked to chatgpt i've never talked to character.ai i have no interest in talking to a chatbot even if it's fun or based on my comfort character. if we want companies to stop using ai we need to tell them we aren't going to interact with it - so don't.

don't talk to robots. full stop.

[chou-de-chambers]

My Valorant Agent Headcanons: IKEA (Part 1)

Oh no, you're lost in IKEA and got separated from your companion! In which section will you find them?

content tags: sfw, wholesome, humor, no proof-reading, one-sitting, up to reader interpretation (platonic/romantic)

A/N: Hi new and existing mutuals! Sorry for my lack of posts. University has been a challenge lately. I know I fell behind the "weekly Kinktober" pieces but I'm currently polishing the next one now! It should be out this weekend. For those who submitted requests, thank you and I assure you I'm slowly working on them! For now, please have this HC that popped in my mind before sleeping last night.

After searching everywhere, you see Brimstone facing one of the computer stands with his face almost sticking to the monitor and his finger simply hovering over it. You knew he wasn't versed with modern technology, so you quickly came over and asked him what he was trying to do. He told you that he recently got complaints about HQ being "too dull", so he requested assistance in checking the catalog for colorful decors to put up in the lounge and hallways.

Viper would be looking at the assortment of utility carts displayed, deciding which style would fit her laboratory best, and measuring by eye how much of her reagents will fit per shelf. She's been having trouble moving around the lab, so she thought it would be handy to have a small cart she could push and pull to each station. You pointed at one of the carts. "I usually won't pick that because it might stand out too much, but since you chose it, so be it. Thank you, little mouse," she casually said with a nod.

Omen wouldn't dare to get lost. He'd always stick close to you in fear of what people might think of him. You kept your arm clung to him while you continuously soothed the back of his hand with your thumb. He'd casually tug you a few times though to check some throw blankets and couch pillows in the Holiday section.

You'd see Cypher roaming around the Smart Home section, fascinated by how these small household products could do so much beyond surveillance, like his cameras. He even discovered one tiny device that could control several other devices and house functions, which he thought would be useful for him. You decided to surprise him by commanding the Smart Assistant to play his favorite tune. "Ah, you found me, habibi!" he said in a cheerful tone while slightly grooving to the music. This made you giggle.

You will notice Sova's tall figure standing out from the shelves of portable containers. Before you can even get to him, he'd immediately see you and walk towards you, "I found wide insulated flasks over there. Can those keep soup warm for a long time?" You nodded enthusiastically. He sighed in relief, "Spasiba. No more roaring stomachs during missions. Let's buy one for everyone."

Sage will not get lost simply because the chances of you getting lost are higher. She's a very patient person, so there's no means for her to hurry into another section when you're clearly not done with the current one. She also handles the money (if you're both shopping for VP) and has her ears open to any suggestion you have to make HQ feel more like home.

Good luck finding Phoenix in IKEA. He'd be all over the place, checking out each cool stuff he sees. Jett won't come to the furniture store with both of you but expect her to be on a video call with the fire Radiant, laughing at every shenanigan he's pulling out. That was until you phoned him and found him through his ringtone, echoing by the glassware section. "Phoenix, I'm not gonna pay for any damages you make," you huffed in distress. "Relax fam, I'm careful," he assured with a chuckle, "By the way, I found the infamous stuffed bear earlier. Want it?"

[comphy-and-cozy]

A Night in Paris

Pairing: Top Gun pilot!JT Compher x Reader (f) x Top Gun pilot!Tyson Jost

Summary: Anything can happen on a Friday night at the Hard Deck. When you run into some old friends in search of a night to remember, you just might end up getting exactly what you wished for.

Word Count: 10.6K

Author’s Note: I’m… speechless. I’ve labeled other fics as ‘the filthiest thing I’ve ever written’ but this time I mean it. @jostystyles inserted the idea of hockey pilots into my head and I immediately went insane and have been ever since. So, here we are, 10K words of filth later, and I’ve written it for Emmie’s 2.6k challenge! My song was “Bad Habit” by Steve Lacy. Side note: Definitely do not need to be a Top Gun fan to enjoy this!

Warnings: Smut (18+ ONLY). Threesome (MFM), alcohol use/mention, kind of a medium burn?, swearing, light objectification of reader, oral sex (m + f receiving), unprotected sex, choking, spitting, swallowing, light degradation/name calling, creampie, absolutely filthy dirty talk.

NHL Masterlist

Friday nights in San Diego aren’t quite as vibrant as in LA, or as posh as in NYC, but there certainly is no shortage of activity on a warm spring evening. 

Confidence flows through you in waves, brewing from the moment you opened up your closet doors in search of the perfect bombshell outfit. A touch of makeup, a good push-up bra, and a few spritzes of your favorite perfume seal the deal. Simply put: you look good, and you know it. 

After the week you’d had, it felt all too good to get dolled up and let loose, determined to unwind. In an ideal world, it’d be at the hands of a beefy naval officer, but you’d accept some free drinks, shitty pickup lines, and the black wand in your nightstand drawer if necessary. Of course, there was no better place to do that than the Hard Deck, crawling with fit naval officers and promises of a night spent horizontal.

Walking through the familiar, creaky wooden doors, you’re engulfed with the background buzz of a Bruce Springsteen song amid the loud chatter of a sea of aviators — a telltale sign of a Friday night in San Diego. The bar is crowded, but not so crowded that you can’t easily sneak through the throng of people, aiming for a section of the bar that looks somewhat less congested. Debauchery and the scent of hops floats through the air, raucous laughter echoing off of the nautical rope and netting hanging from the ceiling.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” a voice sounds from behind you, followed quickly by a low whistle. “God damn.”

You’d know that voice anywhere.

“Jost,” you greet as you turn, far more intrigued by the prospect than you are at getting a drink. If history is to repeat itself, you have a feeling there’ll be one in your hand sooner rather than later; after all, Tyson Jost is a creature of habit. Your eyes flash to the name on his crisp uniform, then glance up to meet his gaze. “Or should I say, Rainbow?”

“Whatever’s easiest to moan when I’ve got you spread out and cryin’ out beneath me.”

You can’t help the amused smile that forms on your face, almost taken aback by his forward nature. Almost, but not quite. 

“Now, now, Rainbow, that’s no way to speak to a lady,” cuts in another deep voice behind him. Your eyes flick to the redhead who flanks his friend, thick auburn mustache resting above his lip. “Hiya, darlin’.”

“Nice to see you, Compher.”

“Pleasure’s always mine,” he replies, smugness oozing from his figure that leans lazily against the wooden beam beside him. His eyes trail shamelessly down your body, admiring the black satin of the lace corset you’re wearing, sheer in all the right places, no doubt admiring what it would look like without the skin-tight jeans you’re wearing.

Tyson scoffs. “You wouldn’t be calling her a lady if you heard the things she’s said to me.”

JT’s eyebrow raises quizzically. “You told me.”

“Kissing and telling, are we, Jost?” 

Shrugging sheepishly, Tyson sends you an apologetic glance. “Sorry, sweetheart. Couldn’t help myself.”

“Considering you two share one single brain cell, I can’t say I’m surprised.” 

“Can you blame me for telling him after last time?” presses the brunette, his tone in disbelief.

You hum, the memory of his lips on your skin and hot words whispered in your ear flashing through your mind, and you resist the urge to shiver. Let’s get weird. “With how good I am with my mouth, no, I can’t say I do.”

Your words take JT by surprise, who coughs mid-sip into his beer. His eyes glitter in your direction as he recovers, intrigued by your cheek. Blinking prettily, you hold his gaze for just long enough to see if he’ll squirm. 

He doesn’t.

“Haven’t seen you here in awhile, sweetheart,” Tyson says, breaking both your eye contact with JT and the moment. 

Your eyes flick to his brown ones, warm like cinnamon. Beside you, you can still feel the heat of JT’s eyes on you, burning against your body where you know his gaze is trailing. “I’ve been busy.”

He ignores your statement, pressing to continue, “S’like you knew we’d be here.”

“You’re always here, Jost.”

He hums, then gestures to you. “So you wore this on purpose, huh? Wanted to grab our attention with this skimpy little thing? You know how much I love you in lace.”

Shrugging, you cast a demure glance over your shoulder at him. “Had a bad week, wanted to find someone to relieve some stress.”

“You have my number, sweetheart,” Tyson winks. “You know I’ll always come when you call. No need to go through the effort to get all dolled up. Though, can’t say I’m complaining.”

It’s almost comical how obvious they’re being, the thinly-veiled puns and innuendos almost acting as foreplay for something you haven’t even agreed to yet. The confidence has always been part of what attracts you to them, their cockiness an unusually appealing trait — because you know that unlike others in their company, their big talk is warranted. And as much as you try to deny it, the confidence sets off the animalistic desire in you. Paired with your stressful week and the night’s unspoken mission to get railed within an inch of your life, you can’t help but feel that fate is intervening, placing two more than viable candidates right in front of you — almost too easy.

With another shrug, you smile back at Tyson. “I thought I’d see who the prospects were. You’re not the only one out there, Jost.”

“But I am the best one.”

“You sure about that?”

“Please,” Tyson scoffs, “take a look around this bar and tell me that any one of these plebeians is gonna show you a better time than me.”

“Who says I don’t want something different?” you ask, eyes flicking briefly to his comrade who definitely notices, smirking in response. Then, shifting the dynamic slightly, you say, “Maybe I want a challenge. Maybe you’re too easy.”

“Too easy? Between the two of us, I’m the one that’s too easy?”

You shrug, accepting what’s meant to be a lighthearted dig as a compliment. “We weren’t debating your preferences.”

JT’s voice cuts through the banter with a cheeky warning to his friend. “Play nice, Rainbow. Everybody knows it’s nice to share your toys.” 

Tyson’s eyes find yours, glittering and velvety, a smirk forming on his face at the innuendo. You can’t help but notice the way your skin heats up at the words, a vague promise of what might come if you choose to accept their advances. He leans forward, close enough to have you catching a waft of his cologne, sandalwood and something else that’s equally intoxicating. He knows the game you’re playing, knows that it is just a game and that you’ll be slipping into his car without complaint before the night is over.

“You’re okay with him joining this time, aren’t you, sweetheart? You told me last time how cute you thought he was.”

“Think I used the word ‘smoke show’, actually,” you retort, letting your eyes trail over JT’s thick thighs. The consent is there, enthusiastic, the subtle invitation out in the open for anyone to take. 

“You wanna get out of here?”

You mock offense, pressing a hand dramatically to your chest. “What kind of woman do you think I am? I’m not going anywhere with you until you buy me a drink like a proper gentleman. Then we can talk.”

“Okay, deal, a drink,” Tyson agrees, amused by your feigned modesty; you know that behind his light eyes he’s reflecting on his last interaction with you, which you recall was far from ladylike. “How about a round of darts? If we win, you come home with us. And if you win…”

“You make me breakfast in the morning,” you finish for him, a wicked smile on your face. There’s no need to place any bet; they know and you know that despite your ‘hard to get’ facade, you’re going home with them at the end of the night. But, you think to yourself, it doesn’t hurt to play the game, right? “I’m talking the works. Not boxed pancake mix and shitty orange juice.”

Tyson glances at his friend, their eyebrows raised at each other in a this is too good to be true shrug. “Deal. Your order, miss?”

“Cosmopolitan. With Grey Goose or Belvedere, Jost, don’t cheap out on me.”

Tyson nods curtly, making a beeline for the bar with his strict orders. In his absence, JT eyes you warmly over the rim of his beer as he takes a long swig, the amber liquid matching the shade of his mustache a little too perfectly. 

“Come sit in my lap, darlin’,” he purrs, extending out a thigh from where he’s leaned back in the wooden chair, scraped from years of use.

You obey, unable to ignore the honey in his voice, slinking out of your seat and closing the small distance between you. His leg is warm against your already warm center as you perch on the firm muscle. An arm slips around your waist under the guise of holding you in place, but it lingers a little too low on your hips to believe it.

“You gonna come home with us tonight?” you feel the ghost of JT’s lips brush over your shoulder blade, feather light, the fringes of his mustache tickling your skin. “Know you know how to handle two at once, don’t you, pretty girl?”

Shifting against his leg, you adjust yourself to accommodate the throb that’s begun in your low abdomen, suddenly scorching hot and needy all over. The rise and fall of his chest behind you has you struggling to breathe, in combination with the way the heat from his hands has your heart fluttering in your chest.

“Have you ever… done… this before? With him?”

A soft chuckle, then a smooth exhale. It’s the first — and only — inkling he’ll get of any nerves, but he appreciates the small glimpse of the real you underneath your confident display. “Shared a girl?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Twice,” he admits. “But never with a girl like you.”

“Which is what, exactly, Tiger?”

He hums. “Different. Captivating.”

“Look at you, Mr. Big Shot who knows how to use a thesaurus.”

His chest rumbles with another chuckle, accepting your jab. It’s incredibly sexy, and, truly, captivating, just like he said, the way you match him step for step, sharp tongue quick to strike back. Instead of engaging in a battle of wits, though, he opts for a different approach.

“Can’t wait to see you all spread out in this lingerie for me,” his voice lowers to a velvety whisper in your ear. “Been dyin’ for a taste of you since the first time I laid eyes on you.” 

If you’re taken aback by his forward nature, you don’t show it. “You have, huh?” 

“Mmhmm. Was so jealous when ‘Bow got to you first. Nearly fucked my fist raw when he told me about how tight you are.”

The crassness of his words have the pulse between your thighs roaring, aching almost uncomfortably at the promise of what’s to come. Around you, the other patrons continue chattering, laughing, bantering, completely oblivious to the filth emerging from the top-of-the-class Lieutenant’s mouth in the corner of the bar. 

“I wish I knew you wanted me,” you murmur, soft, a sharp contrast to the scorching words you’d exchanged up til now. 

“Y’never gave me the time of day, sweetheart.”

You hum quietly, ignoring the way your heart thuds in your throat as you approach unfamiliar territory with JT. He adds, “I always thought you were too good for me. You should’ve made a move.”

“You went off to Singapore.”

He’s quiet for a beat, pondering, or maybe reflecting on his deployment. “Hope you’re not just messing with me.”

At his admission, your confidence is at a high, so you mentally shrug and reply, “Feel between my thighs right now and find out if I am.”

Beneath you, JT shifts — in surprise, or in earnest, you aren’t sure. You hear the sharp intake of breath and the heavy pause as your words sink in.

“That an invitation?”

“Are you accepting?”

JT’s large hand nudges your jaw, turning your head to the side to face him. His eyes examine yours, searching for truth or teasing, ready to accept the latter but hoping it’s the former. “Without question, darlin’.”

For the first time, heat blooms in your cheeks at the sincerity of his words. Shyly, you cast your gaze down to avoid the intensity of his eyes. 

“Y’feel how hard I already am for you?”

He grunts, followed by a deep chuckle when you shift again in his lap, very intentionally brushing your ass against his groin. And yes, you do feel how hard he is, can feel the way he throbs against the material of his uniform. Another shift of your hips grinds you against him, earning a rough squeeze of the side of your thigh.

“Bet you like takin’ it raw in that little cunt, don’t you? Yeah, I bet you do, little slut.”

You shudder, near ready for him to take you on the pool table just a few feet away. As you open your mouth to reply, maybe even suggest it, Tyson approaches. Smoothly, he sets your drink down on the table beside you, then pushes another beer toward his friend before raising his glass in a toast.

“To a night well spent.”

The three glasses clink loudly and there’s a pause as each of you sip your drink, completing the toast and, by extension, the oath that the night will, in fact, be well spent. The vodka burns your throat — Tyson did deliver on his promise with Grey Goose — and you feel the heat settle into your cheeks.

Licking his lips, Tyson’s eyes flick to JT with a nod. “You want to do the honors, Tiger?” 

Slipping off of JT’s lap and feeling instantly cold from the lack of scorching heat, you step aside to let the redhead approach the board, gathering the darts in his hand. With a wink, he easily flicks his wrist, the movement comfortable from years of practice, landing directly in the center of the bullseye. 

All of JT’s hit their mark, and while Tyson isn’t quite as successful, they’ve both made more than decent headway toward hitting zero. 

Taking the handful of darts from Tyson’s extended hand, you approach the faded line of tape in front of the dart board. You can feel the heat of both of their eyes on your ass, surprised there isn’t drool dripping from each of their mouths. With a perfected pout, you glance over at the redhead, who isn’t quite as familiar with your antics as his curly-headed co-pilot. “Comphy, can you help me?”

A smirk tugs at Tyson’s lips, though he stays quiet as JT saunters up to you, all too eager to take a place behind you, pulling your hips against his own as he murmurs instructions on the proper stance. Naturally, you’re a little dramatic, pressing your ass into his hips a little more than you need to, but the hitch in his throat tells you he doesn’t mind. 

“Keep your elbow still, like this, then hinge it to move your forearm,” instructs the redhead, hand pressed gently against your arm. “Release the dart when your wrist is about parallel with your elbow.”

“Like this?”

The expression on JT’s face is priceless when you hit a bullseye, turning to smirk at him.

Tyson guffaws on the barstool beside you, hooting as JT stares in surprise, returning to his beer to nurse his bruised ego.

“Didn’t your co-pilot tell you how he ended paying my tab and a round for the entire bar the first time we met? He tried to hustle me and lost a round of darts.”

“No, he failed to mention that,” JT says with a grimace. 

Shrugging, Tyson sends an apologetic glance in JT’s direction, though all three of you know he isn’t really sorry. 

Your next two throws are successful, right on JT’s heels in scoring. The round carries on, flirtatious despite the now competitive edge to the conversation.

The game slips by amid some chatter and a brief pause for JT to head to the bar for another round of drinks. No one else is even eyeing the dart board, so the three of you are leisurely in your pace, taking your time to soak in the Friday night feeling, enjoying yourselves even if nothing were to progress past casual conversation amongst friends. 

‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ blares through the jukebox in the corner, AC/DC bellowing a harbinger to what is waiting for you after one of you strikes 0 on the scoresheet. Your hips shake to the beat, singing to Tyson and JT into your dart-turned-microphone. They watch you, amused, speechless for once as you perform an impromptu karaoke routine, sure to rub up against each of them albeit briefly.

With a saucy alcohol-infused wink, you line up to throw, the second cosmo causing your dart to hit slightly off your usual target. Your trail behind JT lengthens, but you only smile as you go to collect the darts before handing them off to Tyson.

His next turn puts you in last place, giving JT the opportunity to seal the deal and close out the game on his next turn. Twirling the stem of your drink, you watch as he lines up for his first shot, and you hum thoughtfully.

“What’re you thinking about, pretty girl?” Tyson asks, right on cue.

“Oh, just debating who I want in my throat first.”

JT launches into a choking fit, completely flubbing his toss, the dart landing solidly in the worn wood beside the board. He looks at you darkly, fully aware of your scheme, even more peeved that it worked. With a wink, you allow your eyes to trail blatantly to his groin, imagining all that lies beneath the tan uniform.

“And? What’s the verdict?”

With a smile, you take another sip of your drink. “I guess you’ll have to find out.”

JT grimaces, disappointed, though he knew you wouldn’t divulge that information. Not here. Not yet.

Led Zeppelin’s riffs sound from the corner, Tyson eagerly finishing his swig of his drink to offer his hand as ‘Whole Lotta Love’ begins playing. You accept, and before you can process, he’s tugged you into his arms to dance, hands slowing the movement of your hips. To the outside world, it’s harmless, silly dancing fueled by alcohol and a favorite song, but you know better. The heat of his body melds into yours, thickening the already absurd tension in your corner of the bar.

Tyson twists you around so your back is to his front, pulling your hips back against him in a clear invitation to dance on him. Though still conscious that you’re in public, you do, a watered-down version of what you might do if you were back at his place in the privacy of his bedroom. JT’s attention to the board is shot, staring at the way your waist sways against his co-pilot. 

Lips ghost over the skin of your shoulder, not kissing, but teasing, tickling your neck before his mouth lands behind your ear. He sings lowly to the song, accentuating in particular the line, ‘I’m gonna give you every inch of my love.’

Giggling, you push him off of you, though you’d be lying if it didn’t spark a fresh throb between your legs and send a wave of heat to your cheeks. JT’s still staring, eyes roving over the lace on your chest, like he suddenly forgot how to play darts.

Needless to say, he’s more than distracted when he takes his final shot, making your victory within arm’s reach.

“I like French toast,” you taunt. “With raspberries and powdered sugar. A Bellini would be nice, but I’d accept a mimosa, too. You got that?”

JT grumbles, returning to the board to hand you the darts. Your final three shots are enough to pass JT’s low score, solidifying both your lead and your win, and with a cheer, you grab your drink and down the rest in celebration. 

“A well-deserved win,” JT congratulates you, impressed with your tongue and your skill with a dart, even despite the slight impairment from the alcohol. He raises his glass toward you in a mock salute before clinking it with Tyson’s. 

Watching Tyson drain the remainder of his beer, licking the foam off of his upper lip, the air between you suddenly changes, the tension even thicker than it had been before. You swallow thickly, eyes locked with the rich chocolate of his. Anticipation hangs heavily between you, and the invisible surface groans under the weight that JT adds when he sets his drink down with a hopeful smile.

“You about done? Want another round, or want to go home?”

Tyson nods in your direction. “You make the call, sweetheart.”

Your lip slips between your teeth, heart hammering in your chest as your eyes slide from his to JT’s, then back to his. “Take me home, Tyson.”

The brunette nods, his eyes locking wordlessly with his friend. 

“Meet you back at your place. M’gonna close our tab,” JT says, understanding Tyson’s glance. 

“C’mon, pretty girl,” he urges, slipping an arm around your waist as he maneuvers through the crowd.

Outside, without the noisy chatter of the bar, the reality of what will come in the next few hours sinks in. A beachy breeze passes as you step into the parking lot, and you shiver; from the wind, or from the whispered promises of two pilots, you aren’t sure. 

“Are you good?” Tyson asks, pausing as you approach the teal blue Bronco, the color as boisterous as its owner. He’s sensed your nerves, mistaken them for hesitation. “We don’t have to… if you don’t want to.”

The warmth of his body against yours is comforting in more ways than one, cool air licking at your arms, and you blink shyly as you glance up at him. His eyes are amorous, looking deep into your own as he searches for a sign of doubt. He’s caught by surprise when you press up on your toes to place a heated kiss against his mouth, instantly igniting the scorching flame that’s been simmering between you all night. Tyson quickly recovers when both hands land on your hips, pulling you tightly against his body with a low sound, halfway between a growl and a moan.

You allow his tongue to flirt with your bottom lip, accepting his familiar taste, this time stained with a pilsner. Your heart beats heavily in your chest as you murmur, “I want to, Tyson.”

He hums against your lips with a wry smile. “Then get in that car so I can get you home and back into my bed.”

Reaching around you, Tyson opens the passenger door and extends his hand to help you step up into the lifted vehicle. Heat settles into your cheeks and between your legs when he slams the door beside you, jogging around to the front as he hauls himself into the driver’s seat. 

“Are you good to drive?” you ask him, trying to remember how many drinks he’d had. You’d only had the two drinks, but the thrill and buzz of what lies ahead had you feeling all but drunk.

“All good, sweetheart,” he assures you with a smile. “Tiger and I both took it easy. Wanted to make sure we remember every single second of this.”

Nodding, you shiver at the implication, the anticipation once again settling further into your stomach as he pulls out of the parking lot. 

The drive back to his place is familiar, as is his hand that rests on your thigh. Tyson interlaces his fingers with yours, a sweet gesture, when he walks you up the same stone path toward his house, tossing his keys in the same dish by the door. He’s not ceremonious, doesn’t need to be, when he tugs you into his lap after he plops down onto the blue couch in his living room, instantly attaching his lips to yours.

It doesn’t take long for your thighs to find his hips, straddling his lap as you allow the desire that’s been building inside of you all night to lead the way, reveling in the feel of his tongue against yours after so much time. 

Tyson’s hands grip your hips, inhaling sharply against your lips. His mouth makes a wet path down your jaw, finding the place on your neck that makes your knees weak, the spot that hasn’t failed to get you naked in his bed during your last three run-ins with him. As he’s sucking a mark into the flesh, tongue hot against your skin, you hear the front door swing open along with the sound of JT’s voice announcing his arrival.

“Started without me, huh?”

“You were taking too long,” Tyson mumbles against your chest, mouthing at the lace hem of your corset along your breast. 

JT grumbles, something like a, “bet you didn’t even try to wait,” as you hear him kick off his shoes, tossed carelessly against the hardwood floor. He’s not wrong, but you’re amused at the childish disappointment in his voice. 

“Don’t pout, Tiger,” you say, eyes fluttering open to meet JT’s, boring into you. His presence ignites a flutter in your chest, the anticipation that’s been sitting between you all night ready to come to a head. “You want a taste?”

He smirks, nodding, and he steps closer, bending slightly from behind the couch to claim your mouth with his own. The kiss is otherworldly, wings beating in your chest, aided in part by the way that Tyson’s mouth attaches to your nipple. JT tastes of hops with a slight hint of cinnamon, and his lips are plump on your own, slotting perfectly against your mouth. It doesn’t take long for his large hands to find themselves on either side of your face, cupping your jaw posessively while his tongue slips past your lips.

With four large hands on you, you’re in heaven. The two of them massage and grope and squeeze your body, all of it drawing more and more heat between your thighs. You’re pleased to find that they’re both enjoying this as much as you when you place a hand on each of their groins, finding them both already hard and tenting the zipper of their uniforms. The action makes your mouth water, an impatient expectancy coursing through your veins.

It isn’t long before they’re maneuvering you, encouraging you to shift to your hands and knees on the couch. JT sits down beside you, and you glance up at him with wide eyes as your hand eagerly works his zipper down. The redhead aids your movements, lifting his hips and shimmying his jeans off before he helps you tug the waistband of his boxers down, freeing his cock. Your mouth waters, and you lick your lips. He’s beautiful, in every sense of the word, hard and leaking at the tip, and it’s all for you.

Timidly, you wrap your palm around him, hot and heavy in your hand as you stroke him slowly, acclimating to the feeling of him beneath your fingertips. His eyes are warm, watching you with a slow exhale, savoring finally having the feeling of your hands on him.

Tyson, on the other hand, has the zipper of your jeans undone, working the skin tight denim over the curve of your ass before tugging them down your legs. You can feel the heat of his breath on your skin as he drags the material of your panties to the side, painfully slowly, probably to tease himself more than anything else.

“Shit,” he groans. “Almost forgot how pretty this little cunt is.”

“Did you forget how sweet it tastes?” 

“Never,” he shoots back. “Go on, pretty girl, show him that thing you do with your tongue.”

You feel his hand trail up the ridges of your spine, and before you can process, your head is being pushed down onto JT’s cock. Despite the surprise, you still take him eagerly into your mouth. 

He’s thick, pushing past your lips as your head bobs in a rhythm. Your tongue swirls around his head, teasing as you familiarize yourself with his size, and JT groans when you suck on just the tip. It’s a bit lewd, kneeling at his side while your entire sex is laid bare to Tyson, who’s kneeling behind you and kneading the supple flesh of your ass in his large hands. His mouth soon joins, pressing open-mouthed kisses against the insides of your thighs.

“Could eat this sweet pussy for days,” he mumbles against your skin. 

You pull your mouth off of JT’s length for just long enough to quip, “You haven’t even eaten it yet,” before JT’s hand is pushing your head back down. “Didn’t tell you to stop, darlin’. Keep sucking.”

If it was any other man, you’d tell him off in an instant, but the redhead has you under a spell, eager to please and submit to his heady and libertine commands. Obedient, your mouth returns to his length, and you’re rewarded with the feeling of Tyson pressing his tongue flat against your core. 

A muffled moan leaves your throat as he reacquaints himself with your pussy, his tongue delving into the depths, pressing open-mouthed kisses against your lower lips. Your mouth matches his, doing your best to keep your practiced tongue in motion despite the pleasure that Tyson is working on your cunt. 

“Think she likes your dick, Tiger,” Tyson hums against your core, pausing to sink a finger between your soaked folds, groaning at the way you squeeze just one thick digit. “She’s fucking dripping.”

To affirm his observation, you shake your hips and press your mouth further onto JT’s dick, lowering yourself until he’s brushing against the back of your throat with a groan. His hand tangles in your hair, pulling it out of your face so he can watch the way he disappears between your lips. Another time — maybe later tonight, for all you know — you’d like to truly dedicate yourself to worshipping him the way he deserves, intimately learning every single inch and curve of his cock, but you’re distracted when Tyson adds another finger to your aching hole, the stretch drawing a strangled moan against JT’s length.

“Jesus fuck,” JT grits out, head thrown back against the couch cushion. “M’gonna come if you keep doing that, darlin’.”

Fighting against the urge to collapse forward from the way Tyson’s fingers work your cunt, you press up to kiss JT, tongue tangling with his while your hand continues to stroke him attentively. Softly, you murmur against his lips, “Come in my mouth, J. Want to taste you.”

He groans at your request, hips tightening when your hot mouth resumes its sinful work. Tyson, too, is determined to push you over the cliff, his fingers pumping with vigor, aided by his wet tongue. Your own tongue swipes a few more times over the pulsing vein resting just beneath his head, warranting a long groan and a warm explosion against the back of your throat as JT hits his climax, a string of curses under his breath.

You’re rewarded for your work by Tyson pressing his digits deeper, hooking in just the right way to hit your g-spot, and soon you’re following JT into euphoric oblivion, crying out as you do your best to swallow the salty liquid in your mouth amid your orgasm.

“Fuck, that’s a good girl,” JT groans, watching the way your back inadvertently arches when you come.

“Taste so sweet, like always,” Tyson adds, further accentuating his point when he sticks his wet fingers in his mouth.

JT helps you to sit up, a dopey expression on your face as the dopamine settles into your body.

“Heard how good you were at that,” he winks. “Turns out my co-pilot was right about something for once.”

“You know I’d never lie about something like that,” Tyson says solemnly. It’s only then that you realize he’s still fully clothed, and as you wipe a remaining dribble of cum off of the side of your mouth, you desperately desire to change that.

“Are you gonna take me to bed, or what?”

Your sass earns an amused chuckle from JT, and a sadistic glitter shines in Tyson’s eye as he regards you. Somehow, you know he’s undressing you entirely with his eyes and is envisioning everything he’d like to do to you, and the thought makes your skin hot.

“You know the way, pretty girl,” he says, gesturing with his hands for you to lead the way. You can feel the heat from both of their eyes on you — more specifically, your ass — as you make your way up the stairs and into the door on the left.

The room is the same as the last time you were there, the cluttered desk on your left and dresser along the right wall, a photo of Tyson and JT framed on its surface. His bed is made for once, the knit blanket folded neatly on the end almost enough to make you wonder if a feminine presence had placed it there — if you didn’t know better. 

There’s a brief pause, a beat of silence that’s pregnant with anticipation as you turn to the two of them. Your body is hot, has been hot from the moment they both greeted you at the bar, feeling the all-too-familiar throb between your legs that happens whenever the two of them are in proximity.

“Gotta get this off,” JT breaks the silence by stepping forward, reaching behind you to expertly unhook the clips of your corset, letting it fall unceremoniously to the floor and leaving you completely bare in front of them. “Wanna see all of you.”

Heat rises into your cheeks as they both drag their eyes along your bare breasts and over the miles of skin you present for them. Tyson smirks, glancing at his friend who is all but mesmerized at the sight of your naked body. 

“Told you,” he brags, matter-of-fact. “C’mon, princess, want you to ride me.” 

Haphazardly, he tosses the pillows on the bed to the side so he can lay more comfortably on his back. Climbing onto the mattress, you move to straddle him, and his eyes glitter before he’s wagging his finger. “Face Tiger. Don’t want him to miss out on the fun, now, do we?”

Another wave of heat blooms in your cheeks at the sentiment, but you comply with the request, turning around and facing the redhead, who’s still watching you intently. Your legs settle around Tyson’s, sitting back against his erection and savoring the feeling of it pressed up against your ass. JT smirks, eyes trailing slowly down your naked body, unabashedly admiring your curves. Hungry eyes watch your hand grasp Tyson’s length and you shift backwards slightly to line his tip with your core.

Your mouth falls open as you press back onto his cock, eyes fluttering shut as it slips into you inch by inch. You hear JT hum lowly with appreciation when Tyson bottoms out, the neatly trimmed hair at the base of his pelvis tickling your lower lips.

“Fuck, that’s a good girl,” Tyson rasps from behind you. A pleased smile curls upward on your face, his words encouraging you to move your legs to begin an upward rhythm.

JT’s eyes follow the sway of your breasts, mesmerized by your pebbled nipples. His audience creates an additional stream of desire, tapping into your deepest, most vulgar fantasies of being manhandled, enjoyed in all of your beauty for two — or maybe more — lucky men. 

Tyson’s hands move to grip your hips, aiding your movements as he watches you bounce on his lap. 

“Jesus,” he groans. “This never gets old.”

Determined, you lean forward slightly to simultaneously create a tantalizing view for them each, your breasts pressed together and your ass on full display behind you. While confidence wasn’t always your forte, tonight, you’re glowing, the embers in your belly stoked by the heated coals in JT’s eyes and Tyson’s hands.

“Fuck yeah, baby, ride me,” Tyson mutters, the encouragement enough for you to begin rocking your hips. You begin a slow, hypnotizing rhythm that has Tyson all but salivating as he watches your pussy swallow him whole, engulfed by your tight heat all the while your ass bounces in mesmerizing jiggles.

JT, on the other hand, is enjoying the frontal view of you, watching the lust invade your eyes while your arousal is driven higher with each roll of your hips. He’s tempted to drink the moans that fall from your pretty lips, torn between wanting to stand back to admire the artwork in front of him, and wanting to join the creation himself.

Fortunately for him, it isn’t long before his co-pilot is thinking the same thing.

“Lean back, sweetheart,” Tyson commands you gently. “Let’s give him a better view, yeah?”

Tyson shifts underneath you, tugging you backwards so your back is resting against his chest. His knees beneath your thighs spread your legs wider in a very lewd display, earning a low whistle from the redhead in front of you. His eyes are glued to your center, watching the place where you and Tyson connect. Your cheeks burn, partially from the effort of riding him, but mostly from the heat in JT’s gaze.

“That cunt looks so good stuffed full like that,” he muses. “Can’t wait to put my cock in it.”

“She feels like fuckin’ heaven, Tiger.”

JT grunts, hand moving to leisurely stroke himself, hard again, as he watches his own personal porno unfold before his eyes. Your head spins from the influx of sensations and the heat on your skin, the hands on your waist and the fervor in JT’s eyes nearly enough to set you on fire. Slowly, Tyson punches his hips upward to continue fucking into you, the angle perfect for striking the hot spot deep within your core. You find yourself meeting each of Tyson’s thrusts, desperate for the release his steady rhythm promises.

“Hold still for me for a minute, darlin’,” JT instructs, and your hips falter under his command, pussy fluttering dreamily around Tyson’s length. When JT leans forward to flatten his tongue against your clit, you let out a wail. 

Distinctly, you see him spit on the place where your body connects to Tyson’s, and you moan when you feel the saliva sliding over your lips, coating Tyson’s dick. Beneath you, you feel Tyson begin to pump his hips again, pushing back into you while JT watches the two wet liquids combine into a frothy mixture swallowed greedily by your pussy.

“Tiger — JT, please —”

“You want my tongue back on that clit, pretty girl?”

You nod with a whine as Tyson presses into you with a deep thrust, bottoming out with a groan. He continues his movements, steady, while JT adjusts himself between your legs. He spits again, aiding the already absurd slickness, before his tongue flicks your clit.

“Fuck,” you cry out, the sensation of Tyson inside you paired with JT’s wet tongue almost too much to bear — no vibrator could replicate this feeling. “God, don’t stop.”

“Not God, sweetheart, just Tiger,” he winks at you before his tongue is back on you.

“Shit, keep doing that, Tiger,” Tyson groans beneath you, hands gripping tightly onto your hips. “She’s squeezin’ me so fuckin’ tight.” 

“Yeah? You gonna come with Rainbow’s cock inside you and my tongue on this pretty little clit?” JT asks, attention toward you. You’re a sight to behold, he thinks, with your thighs spread and wet pussy swallowing his best friend’s dick, swollen clit dripping with his saliva. 

“Yes, please — please —”

“The lady gets what the lady wants,” he complies, pressing his tongue against you once again. He’s skilled, flicking and sucking with the perfect amount of pressure in tandem with the push of Tyson’s hips, and you come with a resounding cry. Your head falls back as Tyson groans beneath you, holding your waist steady while JT coaxes you through the waves of your orgasm with his tongue.

Dreamily, you blink in your coital haze, unable to stop the movement of your hips, chasing the feeling even as the euphoria slips away almost as quickly as it came.

“Jesus, m’gonna come,” Tyson announces.

“Come inside me, Tyson,” you call with a moan, willing your body to prolong the blissful elation. He feels so good, thrusting beneath you, aided by the slick from your own orgasm. “Please, want you to come.”

JT curses lowly as Tyson lets out a guttural groan when he reaches his own climax, hips stuttering once he’s pressed deep inside you. The warmth of his release splutters against your walls, filling you and earning a soft moan from your lips.

Once Tyson’s caught his breath, his hands grip your hips to gently lift you off of him. Instantly, you can feel a warm glob of cum slipping out of your used cunt, dripping back onto his still-hard dick.

“God fucking damn, what a fucking sight,” JT whistles, squeezing his dick in his palm.

As Tyson shifts out from beneath you, he gently helps you to your back and you sigh contentedly. Your eyes flick to JT’s dick, bobbing freely, and you feel another throb between your thighs, your pussy not ready to be done yet. With a smirk, you spread your legs in a silent invitation.

“Want more already?” he asks, eyes catching your line of sight. His lips curl up into a smirk that matches yours perfectly. “Greedy little whore.”

“You gonna fuck me like one or what?”

The redhead growls at your snark, his big hands gripping your sides to tug you roughly toward the edge of the bed. It’s a display of his physical strength, the military training making it all too easy to manhandle you in a way that has you stifling a moan. With one hand, he holds your thigh open while his other presses the tip of his dick against your opening, collecting all of Tyson’s remaining cum before nudging it back toward your aching hole. 

“Fuckin’ filthy,” he mutters, smearing the liquid over your swollen, already sopping lips. His actions earn a fresh flood of wetness to the exact spot where his dick is caressing, and you preen with desire. Beside him, Tyson’s got a hand wrapped around his own dick that’s twitching with interest again at the sight of his own creation, dribbling between your thighs and catching on the head of his best friend’s cock.

JT teases you, prodding gently at your entrance, barely nudging past your folds even as you arch your back to draw him in. You whine, frustrated, glaring at the way he smirks, refusing to give in to what you want.

“You gonna ask nicely, darlin’?”

“Please, JT, want you to fuck me,” you say sweetly, shifting immediately and batting your lashes. “Want that big cock to fill me up.”

He smirks, enjoying the way you stroke his ego and allowing himself to indulge, listening to your agitated whimpers as he continues to prod at your clit. You watch his eyes drop between your legs again, moving his tip to push the latest bit of cum drooling out of your hole. “All this cum won’t stay in this slutty little cunt. Guess I should help push it back in where it belongs, huh?”

Beside you, Tyson nods hungrily and JT hums briefly, barely allowing you the moment to process before he’s pushing into your tight heat. Your head falls back in relief, quickly drawing a moan from you once JT’s snug inside you.

“Even better than I imagined,” he grunts out through a grimace. “Fuck, you feel good, darlin’.”

“Move, JT,” you sigh, then open your eyes to smile sweetly at him. “Please.”

Tyson chuckles. “So polite.”

“You’re lucky I’m dying to fuck this pussy or else I’d be making you beg for me for hours.”

“Guess it’ll have to wait til next time,” you quip back, closing your knees on his hips as you wrap your legs around his waist. 

“Not even done and already talking about next time? Greedy girl,” Tyson chirps.

“If you could feel how hard Comphy is inside of me you’d be confident there’ll be a next time too.”

In response to your snark, JT punches his hips forward forcefully, any remaining sass exiting your mouth in a moan. He’s quick to find a brutish rhythm, gripping onto your thighs tightly while his eyes bore into yours. The furious pace is enough to render you speechless, your mouth hanging open as you’re unable to do anything other than take what he’s giving you.

You catch Tyson’s eyes, warm brown of his irises nearly swallowed whole with his lust-blown pupils. His lower lip, now a flushed pink, is tucked between his teeth.

“Do I look good getting fucked like this, T?” you breathe, watching the way his eyes zone in on the way your breasts bounce with each determined thrust.

“Fuck yeah you do, baby,” he groans, stroking himself leisurely. “Look so good takin’ dick like that.” 

JT’s hand floats over your collarbone, grabbing your breast and kneading the supple flesh. “Perfect tits you have.”

“Taste good, too,” you shoot back, craning your neck to look back at Tyson expectantly.

He doesn’t need more encouragement than a quirk of your eyebrow to shift so he can scoot closer and wrap his lips around one of your nipples. You moan as he sucks, the additional stimulation driving you wildly close to your third orgasm of the night as JT holds onto his steady pace.

“JT — fuck, don’t stop, I’m gonna come.”

A smirk blooms beneath the thick mustache, amusement written on his handsome face. “Already? Barely fucked you yet, darlin’.”

“Thought you said you were gonna spoil me.”

Tyson glances up at you from his perch at your chest before reaching around your body, hand gliding over your hip to press his finger against your clit. A loud moan sounds from your throat as he circles it teasingly, returning his mouth to continue his work on your breast. 

“You want to come?” he breathes. 

Before you can even get words out, you’re nodding, tears pricking in your eyes from the buildup of your release. You’re desperate for it, only able to beg. “Please — please.”

“Come, baby,” Tyson murmurs against your chest. “Come all over his cock for me.”

His words are the catalyst for your climax, his permission all you need to let go of the band held tight in your belly. Pleasure shoots through you as your head falls back with a cry. Distantly, through the haze, you can hear a low groan — whether it belongs to JT or Tyson, you aren’t sure. The orgasm pulses through you, even as Tyson removes the pressure of his finger from your clit.

The two pilots admire the sight of you, sprawled on the bed and looking beautifully and thoroughly fucked. Your skin is glowing, hair tousled in that perfect bed head, your eyes lustful as you catch your breath. Groaning softly when JT pulls out, missing him instantly, your eyes close while your heart thumps inside your chest.

Your eyes open when you feel JT nudge the tip of his dick against your face with a cheeky grin. “Gotta clean this up, now, since you made a mess all over it.”

It’s meant to be in jest, a jab at you for your quick reload, but you know he’s more than pleased with himself for making you come so quickly. Biting your lip, you ignore the way your legs shake and move to kneel on the floor in front of him. You allow yourself a moment to admire his dick, glistening with the mixture of yours and Tyson’s cum, and Tyson chuckles beside you. “She’s lookin’ at you like you’re her last meal, man.”

JT responds by carding his fingers through your hair, resting his hand on the back of your head, not pushing, but enough pressure to encourage you to take him into your mouth. With a show, you lick a long stripe up from the base of his dick, collecting some of the cum coating his dick. Tyson whistles when you turn to show him the mixture melting on your tongue before swallowing fully with a moan.

“Yeah? You and me taste pretty good together, don’t we, sweetheart?”

“Why don’t you try for yourself?” you ask, repeating the action to collect another mouthful of cum.

Tyson hums, gripping your jaw to pull your mouth to his, tongue immediately delving between your lips. He groans at the taste, the mixture tangy on his tastebuds, eager for more as he deepens the kiss. Blindly, you reach your hand for JT’s dick, wrapping your fist around it and giving him a stroke while Tyson’s tongue explores your mouth.

“Your hand is nice, but I’m feeling a little deprived here, darlin’,” JT husks beside you. An impatient quip bubbles up in your throat, but Tyson’s mouth is far too tempting to bother. Finally, you tear yourself away from him with one last apologetic kiss and return to your original position in front of JT, looking up at him with your biggest doe eyes.

“What a fuckin’ sight,” he muses, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “Always imagined having you on your knees for me.” 

“And what is it that I do on my knees for you in your imagination, baby?” 

His hand returns to the back of your head with a smirk, inching your mouth onto his dick. “Somethin’ just like that.”

Words are no longer necessary as your mouth envelops him. Your tongue runs alongside his shaft, lips wrapped tightly around him while you focus on his head. Now, you think, is your opportunity to blow his mind — literally — and you decide to take advantage of the time and study each inch of him. 

So you do, dragging your tongue down his length, pressing your lips against his hard flesh, savoring the weight of him in your mouth. You explore the sensitive spots, noting which ones make him grunt and twitch in your mouth, throbbing against your tongue. He groans loudly, accompanied by sharp curses from Tyson, when your mouth trails to the base of his dick, dropping to tenderly kiss and lick at his balls. You’d do this for hours, if you could.

“Darlin’, as — fuck — insanely wonderful as you are with that mouth, y’gotta stop. Gotta be inside you.” His voice is deeper, raspy, his pupils blown as he gazes down at you, lips flushed from tucking them between his teeth. 

You smile at him, smug, and send a wink to Tyson, who was enjoying your performance almost as much as his copilot. JT’s large hand reaches for yours to help you up to your feet, and you move to lay back on the bed. He watches, hand stroking himself, aided by your saliva.

“Can you flip over for me, sweetheart? Want to watch this ass bounce on my cock.”

Obediently, you shift to your hands and knees, arching your back in a way you know he’d like. It doesn’t take long for him to line back up with your slit, pushing into you again with a grunt.

“So fuckin’ tight, Bow was right.”

Tyson, taking his cue, smirks down at you, enjoying the blissful expression on your face as you’re stretched around JT’s dick. You feel the curl of his fingers wrap around your jaw and he lowers his voice. “You like that, sweetheart? You like takin’ his dick, huh?” 

“Y- yes —” you wail, stuttering when JT delivers a particularly hard thrust. 

“Yeah? Knew you would, little slut,” he coos. His gaze is hot, eyes ablaze while he licks his lips. You whimper when his thumb trails over your lip, swollen from the kisses and the dicks pushed between them. 

Another whimper leaves your throat when he pushes your head back slightly so that he can spit into your open mouth. It’s warm on your tongue that you stick out to show him, his eyes watching it slide down your throat. JT groans behind you, fingers gripping tightly onto your hips as Tyson leans forward to kiss you again. His tongue is hot against yours, probing your mouth while he pulls the moans from your throat.

“Bet you fuckin’ love being between two big dicks, don’t you?” he murmurs, breath hot against your lips.

Your response is a whimper, all words completely void in your mind. 

“So brain dead for dick she can’t even talk,” JT teases. Again, meant to be a jab, but honestly, he isn’t wrong.

“Yeah? You like being a pretty little slut, taking both of these cocks, don’t you? Spreadin’ these gorgeous legs for us two pilots?”

Tyson’s words are honeyed, sweet, but the way his hand shifts to wrap around your throat as he reclaims your mouth is anything but. The wet sound of Tyson’s tongue in your mouth is overpowered by the slap of JT’s hips against your ass, clapping rhythmically with his powerful thrusts. You already know you’re going to be aching tomorrow, body nearly pushed to the limit of pleasure.

“You ready for another one, sweetheart?” Tyson asks, standing up and wrapping a hand around himself.

Biting your lip, you nod, looking at him desperately. You don’t know if it’s the way JT’s fucking you, or your inhibitions flying out the window, or maybe you really are just a whore, but suddenly you’re desperate to feel him in your mouth.

Tyson shifts onto his knees in front of you, gently slapping your face with his erection, drawing another moan when JT slows his thrusts down to allow you to enjoy the moment. Your eyes look up into Tyson’s, who’s looking down at you like he might eat you alive, and he grunts when your tongue darts out to flick the tip of his dick.

“Open wide, darlin’,” JT coos behind you.

When you reflect on the night later on, you’ll wonder if they really had studied telepathy or if they were just that in sync with each other from years of drills and missions together. Either way, they’re able to read the other’s eyes with ease, anticipating the other’s next step every time. Seamlessly, Tyson follows his cue, pressing his hips forward until your mouth is full and you’re gagging. He takes his time, building up his pace slowly, until the two of them are thrusting in tandem, making you a literal human spit roast, but you don’t mind in the slightest. You feel so full, so complete with both of them in you, and it’s a sensation you’ve never experienced before. The sound of your slick blurs with the wet sound from your mouth, and you lose yourself in the filthy symphony that fills the room. 

It certainly wasn’t what you had in mind when you stepped into the Hard Deck, but with pleasure radiating through your entire body, every nerve and cell in your body buzzing with heat, you can’t bring yourself to complain. 

A slight shift of JT’s hips have you pulling your mouth off of Tyson’s dick to moan loudly, your eyes shutting in a moment of pure bliss. 

“Fuck, Tiger, right there,” you breathe, pressing open-mouthed kisses against the base of Tyson’s cock to allow yourself a brief reprieve from his onslaught of your throat. 

“Ah ah,” JT tsks from behind you, pausing the movement of his hips. You whine, and he slaps your ass in punishment. “I know it feels good, baby, but you gotta keep sucking him, or else you don’t get to come again, okay? If you stop, I stop.”

Your cheeks burn as you glance up at Tyson, who’s smirking far too smugly for your liking. With a motion of his hand, pointing lazily at his own dick, you debate if you should dish out some attitude. But then your pussy throbs around JT, desperate for a release, for him to keep striking the perfect spot deep in your core, and you have no choice. Instead, you opt to roll your eyes, opening your mouth to take Tyson’s length between your lips again. 

“Good girl,” comes the praise from JT, along with another slap of his hand against your ass, this time a reward. “Know you like having that cock in your mouth, don’t you?”

Tyson doesn’t allow you the chance to answer, instead pushing his hips forward to render you effectively speechless, gagging on the dick he’s pressed into your throat. He knows you do, though, by the way you eagerly hinge your jaw to accommodate, blinking away the tears at the blunt intrusion. You can’t help your earnest, hungrily sucking on the smooth skin, tongue admiring the firm appendage. 

“Make him come with that hot little mouth of yours, darlin’,” is JT’s command, voice ragged at the way you feel around him. 

In any other situation, you’d bring a hand up to aid your movements, stroking in unison with your mouth, driving him to insanity. But with the rough way JT is pounding into you, your body can’t hold itself upright on just one arm, so instead you open your mouth wider, jaw aching, with a glance up at Tyson. He takes the hint, pressing a hand to the back of your head as he fucks your mouth, thrusting roughly into your throat the same way he did to your pussy earlier.

Your vision blurs with tears, breathing as steadily as you can to avoid gagging. Soon Tyson’s hand is gripping tightly onto your hair as his hips still with a groan, your lips pressed snugly against the base of his pelvis while he spills into your throat. It’s all you can do not to cough, tears spilling down your cheeks from the effort. Tyson pauses, holding himself in your throat while JT continues to thrust, and it’s the last inch of movement that has you gagging, causing a stream of cum and saliva to spill out of the sides of your mouth. You’re a mess, but you know Tyson wants you like that.

When he finally pulls out, you gasp for air, and Tyson smirks. “God, you look so pretty like this, baby. Turn around and show Tiger.”

Instead of turning, though, JT simply tugs on your hair and pulls you backward, twisting your head with his free hand to kiss you, his hips never faltering in their rhythm. 

He hums, licking his lips at the taste of your saliva and Tyson’s cum. “Gorgeous.”

JT releases you, and you fall forward onto your hands again, bracing yourself against his brutal pace. Tyson catches his best friend’s eye, a silent message sent between the two of them.

“You gonna flood that tight little cunt, Comph?”

He grunts in response, and you turn your head to look at him with pleading eyes. “Please, JT, come in me.”

He responds by gripping your hips tighter, his other hand reaching to press your neck down into the mattress as he adjusts to drape himself over your back, his hips pumping at an even deeper angle that has you moaning. His breath is hot in your ear, panting, and you hear him whisper, “Fuckin’ come for me, sweetheart. Want you to cream all over my cock like a good little whore. Gonna fill up this tight little cunt with my cum. Yeah? Would you like that, baby? Gonna make you fuckin’ mine.”

All you can do is whimper, his filthy monologue filling your brain while the force of his thrusts destroy all other thought. He’s hitting spots you didn’t even know existed in you, the sound of his hips slapping crudely against your ass. 

“J —” is all that leaves your throat, a hoarse whisper before you’re forced to succumb to what has got to be one of the most powerful orgasms of your life. Your limbs go rigid, the force of the release paralyzing you as it rips through your body. 

JT’s hips stutter like he’d barely been hanging on, coming with a shout, pausing deep inside of you. You swear you can feel his cum hitting your insides, warm as it spills into your waiting and eager womb. He’s throbbing against your walls, near enough to send you spiraling into another final euphoric release.

Panting, he slumps against you, and Tyson chuckles observing the scene. Distantly, somewhere miles away, you hear the sound of feet padding on the hardwood floor, the feeling of being alone with JT registering vaguely in your brain. Your body buzzes, vibrating all the way down to your toes.

“Feeling less stressed now, sweetheart?” 

Wincing slightly when JT finally sits up and pulls out of you, you nod blissfully. Your eyes are still closed, brain fuzzy as you process his question. “Yup.”

“Told you we’d show you a good time.” Tyson’s voice. Briefly, you wonder if you imagined him leaving the room or if he’d just returned that quickly. 

“Never doubted you for… a second,” you say, breathless, rolling over with great effort once JT gently taps your hip.

“Tyson drew you a bubble bath, so I’m gonna help you, okay?” he asks. You open your eyes, vision still slightly blurred, to meet his own. All of the previous lust and heat in them has been completely replaced with care and a rich, warm russet. 

“Wh —?”

“He got it going while we were… recovering.” He chuckles, amused at his own choice of words.

“W — why?” 

“Darlin’, as incredibly sexy and hot as all of that —” he nods toward the bed, “— was, we definitely used this gorgeous body for all it’s worth, and you need to rest. You’re going to be sore.”

Oh.

Tyson laughs when you mutter, “Worth it,” against JT’s shoulder when he tucks you into his arms, picking you up. He’s warm and sturdy against you as he carries you to the bathroom, setting you gently into the tub that’s filled with warm, bubbly water and —

“Is that lavender?” you ask, the scent taking a moment to register. “Are you serious, Jost?”

JT snorts, laughing that your first real sentence is a jab at Tyson.

“Essential oils are a godsend when I have a hard time sleeping,” he shrugs from his post leaned against the doorframe. 

You hum, only then realizing as the water soothes your muscles that JT was unfortunately right and that you are, in fact, already sore. The redhead takes your hand delicately in his own, pulling it toward him to press a kiss against your knuckles in a simple gesture that you’re ashamed to admit has your heart melting. “Rest. We’ll check on you in a little bit, okay?”

Tyson offers a smile and a nod before he turns away to head back into his bedroom, mumbling something about finding pajamas. JT stands up with a grunt, placing a lit candle on the edge of the tub by your feet before he, too, turns to leave.

“JT —”

He turns back, holding your gaze, and you try to say everything in your head without saying any words, unable to form a coherent thought even if you wanted to. 

“I know, darlin’. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”

Your heart flutters at the thought, and you smile and nod, whispering, “Okay.”

Returning the smile, he goes to close the door, pausing just before he does. With one more glance at you, he adds, “After your homemade french toast.”

[dejwritesarchived]

DEBT, CHAPTER EIGHT

➣ warnings: yakuza boss!toji fushiguro x black coded reader, mentions of sex, mentions of sex work, profanity, gang violence, yakuza au, baby!megumi, drug mentioned, alcohol usage, drug usage, stripping, naoya being naoya, ➣ chapter summary: y/n learns more about nanami and bonds with her favorite fushiguro's.

➣ tags: @maydayaisha @eiflawriting @thicksimpx @hellavile @ihateliyah @galaxness @ceeriusly-dumb @stephanythedramaqueen @littlemochi @babe-im-bi @todo7roki @whatdidhesayyyy @imperatorkhaleesi @caribbeanwifey19 @etaerealboy

[ masterlist + previous + you can aslo read it on ao3 ]

YOU STARED INTO THE MIRROR APPLYING ANOTHER COAT OF LIP GLOSS. You rubbed your plump lips together, mixing the combo of your clear gloss and brown liner. The pastel blue top that has your boobs sitting perfectly and pretty. You were so nervous. It was your first time working a shift at such a provocative club and you could feel the nervous knot in your stomach twisting and turning constantly. You heard someone place something next to you on your personalized vanity that was for you. “Take a shot of this, the first night is always the roughest.” A girl said.

You turned to look at the girl. She had on a cropped tank top and you could see her black push-up bra that pushed her boobs up. She also was wearing a pair of black shorts with a Fanny pack that you assumed was for her to collect tips. Her head was filled with curls that fell in her face perfectly. “It’ll go by as quickly as possible.” She adds while she would grab some lotion from the vanity next to yours.

After you down the alcohol, letting the harsh brown liquor burn your throat, you watched as the girl would put lotion on her legs. Her light brown skin glistened with each stroke on her legs. You now were taking in her features as you noticed that she could have been mixed with black. She smiled at you before extending her hand, the scent of vanilla lingered up your nostrils as she waited for you to introduce yourself. 

“I’m Hana.”

“Y/N.” You shook her hand. 

“You’re the new dancer? I’ve heard some little things about you.” Hana picked up the bottle to put the cap back on it.

“Hopefully good things?” You asked. 

“Something like that, but you know a club where a lot of the employees are women can get messy,” Hana says. She glances at the clock, “Ah, it’s been thirty minutes since we opened. I should get back to my station behind the bar,” She extends her hand for you to grab. “Let’s go. You can’t hide in here away from the money for long. Plus, I’m positive it’s some gangstas in here that like to spend their money on pretty women like you.” Hana explains as she nudges you. 

You couldn’t help but smile at her as you took her hand. The once nervous pit that sat heavy in your stomach washed away as you made a new friend at work. You two walked into the main space where music blared through speakers and the scent of expensive cigars swirled around the air, you took note of your surroundings. Some women were giving some men lap dances and others were swirling around the pole. You remembered your manager mentioned that they rotate who dances on the main stage, but due to you being new it would take some time for you to get your time to shine. Tonight your role was to just do some lap dances to be able to cover the percentage you gave to your manager and then some for you to take home. 

Hana would give your hand a comforting squeeze as she was searching the room for a free man. She finally spotted a man in the corner in one of the private sections. All of his friends were chatting it up with a woman on their lap, except for him. She dragged you to the bar like a lost puppy searching for its owner, she went behind the bar and grabbed a bucket with ice and placed a bottle of whiskey in it. “Take this over there.” She motions her head to the section. “He looks rich.” She adds.

“I don’t know Hana, he doesn’t look like he wants to be bothered.” You said as she shoved the bucket in your hand. 

“Y/N, he’s staring at your ass,” Hana says as she would give you a look. “Go let him grab on it for an expensive price. Now go!” She gave you a light shove in the direction of the man.

With your head held high, you walked with so much sex appeal that many men you walked by heads turned to cop a look. You approached the security guard that was blocking anyone from coming into the section. You batted your eyelashes up at him and smiled at him, “I have a bottle on the house.” You held up the bucket. 

“Let her in.” 

You glanced behind the huge bodyguard and saw that the man who was staring at you had finally spoken. The guy moved with quickness letting you walk into the section. You smiled at him before you placed the bucket on the table. You were completely speechless, expecting the mysterious man to shun you away. However, here he sat with his thighs spread apart and drinking in your looks with his alluring hazel-colored eyes. Some of the buttons on his button-down shirt were undone and you could see the noticeable scar that was imprinted across his neck.  “You want to make yourself comfortable or you’re just going to let me keep staring?” He questioned as his lips curved into the most gorgeous smile you’ve ever seen. 

You searched around and saw the majority of the seats were taken before catching the flow of his words. His lap, you thought to yourself. You forced a chuckle before taking comfort in his lap. Even though he was the one to suggest taking a place on his lap, you could tell that you had him quite riled up to the point where he didn’t even know where to put his hands. As you shifted yourself on his lap, you grabbed one of his hands and placed it right on your lower back. His fingertips were able to trace the line of the g-string you were wearing. 

“I can pull you a drink if you want,” You leaned over to do just that but stopped you. 

His fingers snapped after he stopped you from pouring the liquor into one of the glasses. The bodyguard that once was guarding the entrance of the section hurried to pour the alcohol you brought over into the glasses. You sat in complete shock before your eyes met with his and you leaned over closer to his ear so he could hear you. While also letting him get a complete view of your cleavage and for him to be entrapped with the expensive scent of you, “You seem like a quite important man,” You said before leaning back. 

You watch as he chuckles, feeling his fingertips tapping at your lower back before he’s leaning towards your ear. 

“That’s because I am.” He said with confidence.

“Hello, earth to Y/N. You can’t zone out like that if you’re going to have to fight someone.” You heard Nanami say behind the punching bag he was holding in place. 

“I’m sorry, I just have a lot on my mind with this charity ball coming up.” You sighed as you brought your forearm up to your forehead to wipe away some sweat.

You’ve been training all morning from seven to now. Nanami taught you basic methods like getting out of chokeholds and defense methods. Then he ended the session by just letting you punch away at the punching bag that hung from the ceiling. Just to see how hard you punch, which according to him he thought you punched pretty good considering this was the first session. 

“I told you the first time when we met, don’t think too deeply into the tasks you’re assigned. You should be used to it now,” Nanami would walk to the mini fridge that was in the corner of his at-home gym. He grabbed two bottles of water and handed you one. 

“But come on, you’re telling me it doesn’t sit heavy in your mind when Toji assigns you a task?” You questioned as you took a sip from your water. 

“Of course it does. All the time considering that I’m the only engaged one in the damn gang.” Nanami admitted as he would prompt himself onto the floor. 

You joined him on the floor, stretching your tired limbs. “Engaged? I didn’t know you were freakin’ engaged Kento!” You shriek in excitement with a smile. “Congratulations, oh my god. We should throw you an engagement dinner or something,” You clapped your hands.

Nanami's lips parted to argue, considering that he and his fiancé have been engaged for six months now. It was a little too late to congratulate him with dinner parties. They had already set up meetings with planners and such. “Thank you.” He smiles. “She went to go visit her parents, I would love for you to meet her.” He said.

“Aww, look at you all in love and shit,” You say with a smile. “So, you think about her when you do illegal shit?” 

“Of course, all the damn time. I fear that maybe one day it’ll come back to bite me in the ass. The money I earn by doing what I do is what got us this house and anything she asks for, which she makes it clear she doesn’t care for. But to me, it’s what she deserves.” Nanami explains. “So of course, all of this shit sits heavy in my mind especially when she’s pregnant.”

“Nanami! She’s pregnant too! Oh my god, we need to plan a baby shower too!” You said in excitement. 

“She doesn’t know that I know,” Nanami says as he watches you give him a confused look. “I know her so well that I can tell when something is up. She was eating a fucking banana one morning, she hates them things. Then I found the test in the trash.” 

“And you haven’t talked to her about it?” You questioned.

“No, she has me reading this book she likes and I’m pretty sure by the time I get to the very last page of the book, it’s going to have a sticky note on a page stating she’s pregnant,” Nanami explained. “Books are kinda our thing.” 

Nanami looked at you and he let out a sigh. “Please don’t cry, what I said wasn’t even that sad.” 

You didn’t even notice that your eyes began to water at the way Nanami described his relationship with his fiancé. You went up to wipe your eyes before speaking, “Please let me at least throw you two an engagement dinner. It can be a surprise for her, I’ll even let you take the credit for it.” 

“Toji was right. You never let anything go. Fine.” Nanami threw his hands up in defeat. “We’re all done here, I’m sure Toji is on his way to come to pick you up.” Nanami stood up extending his hand for you to take which you did letting him help you up with grace.

“Thanks for this. I feel like a Charlie’s Angel now.” You giggled before following him up the stairs. You took note of how Nanami’s and his fiancé's house was decorated. It felt so homey and welcoming. You knew that the two of them would be wonderful parents. 

Nanami heard a horn honk outside his house. He would look at you, “You ever shot a gun before?” 

“Of course not. I’m a stripper,” You responded bluntly.

“Well, you’re gonna have to learn. I may have to talk to Toji about it first, but I think it’s for the best and your safety,” Nanami explained as he was walking towards the front door. 

“Do your fiancé know how to?” You asked out of curiosity. 

“She’s a military brat, of course, she does,” Nanami says as he opens the door. The two of you saw Toji waiting outside in his freshly cleaned jet-black Benz truck. The sun was out and he had the tinted windows down so you two were able to see him. 

He sat on the driver’s side with a pair of Ray Bans on with a white t-shirt. You could even see his muscles flex with just the littlest movement while he was waiting. Sometimes you found yourself staring at him due to his attractive looks. He always had you feeling all hot when you weren’t supposed to. Having to remember that getting attached wasn’t the best thing considering the things that were going on. However, you couldn’t just let the way he stared at you on some occasions just get brushed under the rug. Sooner or later, you had a feeling that either he was going to make a move or you were going to get too impatient with him and make the move yourself. 

“Wow, she gets even cooler the more I hear about her. Remember, let me do the planning for this dinner and you take the credit. I’ll keep you posted. Thank you for today Kento,” You would smile at him as you walked down the pathway towards Toji’s car. 

As you got closer, you would smile at Toji. “The training session went well,” You spoke as you got into the passenger side of the car. You could hear the baby babbles in the back of the car. 

Toji begins driving towards his house. “I have been doing some thinking,” He says. His hand grasped at the steering wheel before he’s tugging the shades off his eyes to get a better look at the road.

“It better not be another little Zenin-Fushiguro favor. You and Naoya are driving me insane,” You folded your arms over your chest. “For now on little Megumi is the only one I will do favors for.” You joked causing Toji to chuckle.

“Oh, so you’re in debt with Megumi now?” He asked.

“Maybe,” You laughed. “But seriously, what were you thinking about? It better not be to talk me out of this charity ball. I can’t pass up the opportunity to get more information about my father’s whereabouts and wear that gorgeous dress.” You admitted.

And you wanted to see him. You haven’t seen that man that Naoya suspected of being the head of the Endo yakuza gang in months. The last time you saw him, he paid you so much money before just disappearing and it frustrated you that you didn’t even know his name. Just knew he was handsome, pretty powerful, and had a thick wallet. 

“It doesn’t have anything to do with the charity ball. I have to trust Naoya to keep you safe during the ball since I’m not invited to it,” Toji explained. “He knows clearly that if something happens to you, I would kill him,” Toji said with a grin.

The grin he had on his face showed you that he was extremely serious about what he said. 

“Well, what were you thinking about?” You asked as you looked at him. 

“Let me cook for you tonight.” Toji firmly said as he stopped at a red light. His eyes glanced over at you waiting for a response.

“You cooking?” You asked as you met his gaze.

“I know how to cook a few things,” Toji pointed out. “I was going to suggest going out for dinner, but I thought this was better to get to know each other some more.” 

“I would love that Toji,” You said with a smile that he returned. 

“Great!” Toji says. “But if it’s gross, you have to be honest with me and tell me.” He sighs.

“Oh believe me, I will!” You said out loud. “But I’m sure it can’t be that bad, just make it with love,” You said. “That’s what my mom used to tell me when she cooked for me.” 

“And if I do and it’s still nasty?” Toji asked as he stopped at a red light.

“Then we order carry out,” You said with a laugh. “You can’t go wrong with that, right?” You flashed him a grin that he would slyly return before continuing down the street in his nice car.

When you returned to Toji’s house, evening settled the Fushiguro household quickly. While the moon shined down on the luxury mansion, you found yourself showering and changing into something more comfortable. You followed the savory scent of food back downstairs, you could even hear Megumi’s babbling as he was in the playpen playing with his toys. The loud sound of his baby drum set attempted to overpower the sound of Toji cooking in the kitchen. When you stepped into the kitchen, you washed your hands glancing at Toji who was reading from a cookbook (that you didn’t even know he had).  “Do you need me to help?” You asked and you watch as Toji’s eyes averted from the pages of the book to you. 

“I think, I have it handled.” 

“You think?” You asked and he gave you a blank look before closing the book he was reading through.

“Please cut those onions over there for me, I’ll greatly appreciate it.” He flashed you a kind smile that made you chuckle. 

“You got it, chef,” You jokingly say before you’re doing the task he asked you to do. 

The two of you basking in each other silence. The only sounds that occupied the first level of Toji’s home were Megumi’s chaotic noise of him drumming on his toys and the sound of something boiling. “So, I think we should throw Kento and his fiance an engagement dinner,” You said out loud.

“It’s a little late for that, they’ve been engaged for a while now.” Toji stirred what was in the pot he was boiling. 

“I know, but I’m just learning of the engagement. I think it’ll be a nice gesture even though I told him, I’ll say it was all his idea.” You explained. “Plus, it’ll be fun for everyone to whine down once in a while. Which I understand, you guys have dangerous things to handle—” 

Your rambling was interrupted by Toji. “If that’s what you want to do for him and his fiance, do it. I kinda took you away from your job to help me and I understand you’re probably bored as hell. So, if planning a dinner party for the lovebirds would cure your boredom, go for it. Just please let me know when you want to go out and look at venues and such, just so I can make sure someone takes you.” Toji explained. 

“It’s what Kento deserves. I’m happy that he’s happy, so it’s on me. You know where to find me if you need the card,” Toji told you before he went back to stirring the substance in the pot. 

“Urgh, I’m never going to get out of debt with you.” You said jokingly while cutting up the onions.

“You are, we just need to figure out this situation with the Endo gang,” He says. “But no debt talk tonight, this is supposed to be me cooking for you,” Toji says as he lowered the flame on what was on the stove. He took a couple of steps forward to collect the knife from your hand, his hand lightly brushing against yours while he took it. “I got it from here, just relax, and please see if it’s another toy Megumi can play with. The little rockstar is giving me a headache with the banging,” He lightly nudged you towards the exit of the kitchen, eventually going back to his Gyudon recipe he was trying to cook. 

You did what you were told, letting your feet be met with the grey-colored rug in the living room that contrasted the living room sofas very well. You walked towards the playpen where Megumi was continuing to bang on his toy drum set. You wanted to assume either Gojo or Geto brought him that toy, you felt like those two were the type to buy the nosiest toy for the baby just to spite Toji. You leaned over to collect the toy, but you watched as Megumi's green hues stared up at you before he’s extending his arms for you to pick him up. His baby hands sprouting outward and his fingers wiggling with an innocent doe-eyed look just so you can embrace him. 

“Do not pick him up! He does that look when he’s ready to get out of the playpen!” You heard Toji say, but his statement was too late since you already scooped Megumi up in your arms. 

You held him closely while the scent of baby powder and Toji linger up your nose. It was a pleasant scent that you had grown accustomed to within your time of living here. Your hand caressed his head feeling his soft dark hair as she was waltzing around the living room with him in your arms. He was laying perfectly on your chest with his pacifier in his mouth before you walked into the kitchen with him. 

“You picked him up?” Toji said as he tugged out dishes from the cabinet. 

The smell of nicely seasoned beef now swirled around the kitchen as you were holding Megumi. “He gave me a look and I couldn’t resist.” Your lips form a cute pout. “Look at the green eyes, you can’t say no to that Toji.” You said.

“Was it this look?” Toji mimics the same look Megumi gave you for you to pick him up. It took you by shock to see the striking resemblance between the two. Obviously, they were going to look alike, but their shared green-colored eyes were what caused your heart to feel heavy. 

“Yes.” You answered as you sat Megumi on the kitchen island. 

“Where’d you think he learned it from?” Toji chuckled as he exit the kitchen to go set the table. 

As you stood in the kitchen with Megumi who was toying with the diamond pendant from the necklace Toji gave you, you felt a sense of home. The soft feeling of being comfortable around Toji and Megumi was a feeling you never experienced before. It was like finally being able to unclench your jaw and relax your shoulders after having your guide up your whole day. You felt safe here. 

Even though once your tasks were over with and your debt was cleared up, you would have to unravel yourself from them. And the thought of that hurt. 

“So much for getting attached, huh?” You asked yourself lowly and Megumi only glanced up at you leaning his head to the side like a confused puppy. 

[just-come-baek]

one of a kind

Pairing: Na Jaemin x female!reader

Themes: fluff | comedy | slight angst | smut | strangers to lovers!au

Word count: 12.3k

Summary: Your first encounter with Jaemin at the local convenience store goes terribly wrong. Unfortunately, this ill-fated meeting seems to be the highlight of your day because later on you get dumped via a text messange and Jaemin catches his girlfriend in bed with another man. Good thing, you help one another cope with your heartaches.

Warnings: alcohol consumption | infidelity | poor choices | poor coping mechanism | cursing | self-indulgent fluff but what’s new | threats | ill-wishing | cringe | protected sex | daddy/baby girl dynamics (I got carried away with this one, oops) | oral both parties receiving | handjob both parties receiving | spanking | praising | dick riding | I think that’s all but coud always be mistaken

A/N expect to see more jaemin fics this week as I am whipped af

[05:34 P.M.]

You were in a hurry.

Lucas was about to come to your place in about thirty minutes now, and you were nowhere done preparing the first-anniversary dinner you had decided to surprise him with. While the food was getting ready in the oven, you still had to dress up and make a run to the local grocery shop for some last-minute items that had slipped your mind yesterday.

Quickly, you took off your apron and put on a pair of old trainers. You looked like a mess, but you couldn’t afford to lose another minute, so you put on a cap on your head, hoping not to run into any familiar faces.

As soon as the doors slid open, you grabbed a basket and bolted to a modest-looking wine section. The shop didn’t offer a vast wine selection to choose from, but thankfully, one specific brand of a cheap semi-sweet rosé kind of grew on you.

You marched to aisle 13, stretching your arm to swiftly pick up the last bottle. No wonder there was only one bottle left on the shelf – it was Friday, and demand for alcohol was high.

Just when you were about to wrap your fingers around the slim bottle, you held your hand in the air, staring at a man who picked it up a few seconds before you.

“Excuse me,” you cleared your throat, gently patting him on his shoulder, obtaining his attention. With a confused look upon his face, the man turned around, raising an eyebrow. “Hi, there! I was wondering if you’d be kind enough to let me have this wine. You see… it’s my favorite, and I’m making an anniversary dinner for my boyfriend. And I would really appreciate it if you helped me make it absolutely perfect,” you politely explained in a high-pitched voice, giving the man probably too many details than necessary.

In all honesty, he looked awfully undecided. The man must’ve been weighing his options, picking up your drink of choice only to inspect the label and ingredients. He would probably hand you over that wine without having to listen to your back story.

“No,” he shortly replied, sending you a fake empathetic smile before he put the bottle inside his basket. Asshole, you thought as you tapped his shoulder again, ready to keep fighting for the wine. After all, you always have it with Lucas when there’s an occasion to celebrate.

“Bu–

“Listen up, lady. My girlfriend only drinks rosé, and that’s the only one left. If you really want to buy this one, ask the shop assistant if they have some on the back because I am not giving you this one,” he rudely spoke, taking a cautious step back as if he expected you to try taking the wine out of his basket by force.

“I–

“It’s not my problem. Have a nice day,” he added as he turned around and walked away.

You didn’t have time to go elsewhere for that specific wine brand. With a tired sigh, you decided to look around, searching for a different type of beverage. Your eyes scanned the shelves, analyzing the most suitable drink for tonight’s celebration.

Ultimately, you decided to buy a bottle of peach-flavored sparkling wine. It was your first anniversary – it seemed appropriate to celebrate it with delicious bubbles.

As soon as you put the bottle in the shopping basket, you felt your phone vibrate. Quickly, you answered the call. It was your friend, Renjun. He had some sort of sixth sense when it came to you – Renjun could always predict when you were in need.

“How are you? Is everything going according to your plan?” Renjun inquired curiously as if he already didn’t suspect everything went wrong.

“Almost,” you sighed, ready to tell Renjun what had happened a while ago at the wine section.

“Yikes,” Renjun replied, trying to comfort you after your misfortunate encounter with the rude stranger. “How is the food? Did you follow the recipe exactly how I told you to?”

“Almost, I might’ve added some more cayenne pepper, but that’s fine. Lucas likes it spicy,” you explained as you marched around the store, picking all the other items from the shipping list.

“If you fuck it up, don’t go telling people it was my recipe. I have a reputation,” Renjun warned, and you rolled your eyes, finding his reaction amusing. Lucas wasn’t a fastidious eater; there was no way he wouldn’t enjoy it. “What are you going to wear tonight?”

“I am not sure… I was thinking about that one red dress you helped me pick the other day,” you started, already knowing how much Lucas was going to enjoy that look. It was hugging your body perfectly, accentuating your best features. According to Renjun, you looked like a sex bomb, and you decided to trust him this time.

“You’re spoiling him,” Renjun spoke matter-of-factly, and you hummed in agreement. It would be a big fat lie if you said you didn’t like spoiling Lucas. “Anyway, Sicheng and I made a bet on what Lucas is going to eat first: you or the food. Let me know if I won.”

At first, you wanted to scold your friends for making that bet, but a few seconds later, you decided not to. After all, you were sure you would also take your chances if any of whom was in a similar situation.

“I’ll let you know,” you said as you reached your final stop. It was beyond you how, on Earth, you had forgotten to buy condoms yesterday, but you were in front of the shelf right now to correct your error. “Tell Sicheng I am planning on wearing that see-through lace body so he can raise the stakes.”

“That’s not fair, you can’t–

You ignored Renjun’s ramblings when you saw that asshole approach your aisle. Of course, you would meet him here again. He was planning something with his significant other. It would be such a shame if the shop completely ran out of condoms just when he was about to pick up some.

Quickly, before he managed to notice you, you swiped your arm across the shelf, letting all packages of condoms fall into your shopping basket. It’s going to be a little awkward at the checkout, but the man had been mean to you, and you wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine.

“We meet again,” he dryly said as he finally looked up and saw you standing in front of an empty shelf. “No way, it’s impossible,” he added in irritation as he realized the shop was out of condoms. Then, he peeked into your basket, and everything became crystal clear. “So you’re not just mean; you’re also a hoarder.”

“Me? A hoarder?” You wheezed, trying to keep it together. You had exchanged a few sentences with him, yet it was more than enough to make your blood boil. He was getting under your skin, and you wished you never had to see him again. “My boyfriend is just horny all the time. But don’t worry, you can always ask the shop assistant if they have more on the back,” you added with a polite smile before you made your way to the cash register.

You could swear you heard him call you a bitch, but you decided to pretend you didn’t catch that. You were content with the way you left him empty-handed after your mic drop.

“Hi, Taeil,” you greeted the cashier before you emptied your basket on the checkout counter. Just as you had expected, Taeil gave you the look when he began scanning all of the condom boxes. “Do I wanna know?”

“Let’s call it karma,” you said, not in the mood to tell this story again. Besides, this rude man could approach the cash register any moment, and you really wanted Taeil to check out your groceries so you could come back home. You had food in your oven, and you didn’t want to burn the house down.

“Your boyfriend must’ve saved a country in his past life,” Taeil jested, and you politely laughed. Unfortunately, that mean stranger approached the cash register before you managed to leave.

“Excuse me? Do you have condoms on the back? I wanted to buy some, but a psychotic witch threw all of them into her basket and flew away on her broomstick,” the asshole asked Taeil, and you squeezed your fists in irritation. How could one spit venom but sound sweet at the same time? It was absurd.

“Who are you calling psychotic?” You asked angrily, resting your hand on your hip.

Enough was enough.

“You know each other?” Taeil asked in confusion, scratching his temple, trying to comprehend this situation. It was a peaceful neighborhood, such quarrels rarely occurred, and Taeil regretted he didn’t have popcorn to munch on when watching this drama unfold.

Your blood was boiling in your veins. You needed to come back home soon unless you wanted Taeil to witness you bite this asshole’s head off.

“God, no!” You both denied Taeil’s accusations in unison. No, you didn’t know him, and you were pretty sure you weren’t missing out on anything special.

Taeil looked at you and the man and decided not to get involved.

He must’ve concluded it was for the better, and you had to admit, it was really smart of him.

“Thank you so much! See you around,” you bid farewell to Taeil when he handed you the receipt. “Have a nice day,” you added before you grabbed your shopping bag leaving the store, wishing to never cross paths with that rude asshole.

 [06:21 P.M.]

It wasn’t supposed to take this long.

Jaemin already wasted too much time arguing with you in the grocery shop, and right now, everything else seemed to go the wrong way. Having bought condoms at the drug store, he made his way to his girlfriend’s favorite Italian restaurant to pick up the delivery.

Today, Jaemin planned a surprise. Due to overload at work, he and his girlfriend didn’t have much time to romance, and today’s surprise date was supposed to make it all up. At first, they would have some dinner and wine, then he’d take her for a romantic walk, and later, at the very end, they would roll in the sheets till morning.

“We’re having lots of orders right now,” the waitress said, offering Jaemin an apologetic smile. “Average waiting time is forty minutes,” she added, and Jaemin sighed. He didn’t have a plan B, so he just had to suck it up and wait for the food to be ready.

“It’s fine. I’ll wait,” he replied, reaching for his wallet. “I’ll take two spinach and ricotta ravioli servings to go,” Jaemin ordered as he took his debit card out.

Having sat down at a small table near the entrance, Jaemin pulled out his phone, browsing through his social media feed. He checked his emails, liked his friends’ posts, and even found an interesting recipe to try at home.

Preparing food was taking lots of time, and Jaemin’s patience was running thin. He really missed his girlfriend, and he just couldn’t wait to finally see her.

“Here’s your food,” the waitress approached him and handed him a paper bag exactly forty-seven minutes after he had placed his order. “Bon appetite,” she added, and Jaemin thanked her before he bolted out of the restaurant.

There were some bumps on the road tonight, but finally, everything seemed that he got back on the right track. The food smelled delicious, and everything else was already prepared.

In excitement, Jaemin marched to his girlfriend’s apartment. He had the route memorized by heart, and he was only two blocks away.

Once Jaemin approached the doors with number 13 stuck to it, he stopped in his tracks to take a breath and pull out the keys, which he had been given a few months prior. Quickly, he opened the doors and walked inside, cocking up his eyebrow when he heard moans.

He was puzzled, but he trusted his girlfriend and opted not to jump to conclusions.

Then, it struck him.

“Are you watching porn without me again?” Jaemin hollered, a mischievous smirk dancing across his face. Apparently, they would have to fuck first and eat later.

Absolutely ecstatic, Jaemin marched to the bedroom only to find her girlfriend jumping someone’s dick as if her life depended on it. At first, he couldn’t believe it. However, when he heard his girlfriend moan somebody else’s name, it finally downed on him.

The worst thing about it was probably the fact that they were so invested in their activities they didn’t even notice Jaemin when he entered the room. She bounced on his dude’s dick with so much vigor as if it was keeping her alive, and it made Jaemin blinded with wrath.

Unable to control his emotions, Jaemin looked at the wine bottle in his hands and hurled it across the room, having no idea what it smashed against. It could’ve been either the wall or the guy’s head, but at this point, he did not care.

Jaemin just wanted to leave.

Once the pair finally acknowledged Jaemin’s presence, the room grew awfully silent.

“Jaemin,” she whispered his name, unsure what else she could say to defend herself. Unfortunately, no such words existed that she could use to put Jaemin’s heart back together. The damage was done, and no matter how much Jaemin wished to unsee things, he couldn’t.

Without saying another word, Jaemin turned around and marched out of the apartment, shutting the doors close with a loud thud.

Jaemin was furious; he needed to calm down, but he would rather do that in solitude. Right now, he felt nauseous when he looked his girlfriend in the eyes. Maybe in a few days, he would quiet down enough to have her explain her infidelity.

Any other guy would beat the guy up. Luckily for that guy, Jaemin wasn’t a violent person – he would never start a fight, even under these circumstances. Maybe he felt an urge to ball his fists and smash the guy’s face, but he suppressed it.

Jaemin would manage his anger on his own and then try to move on, knowing none of it was his fault. Perhaps he wasn’t always at her disposal, but when he was, he made sure to give one hundred perfect into anything he was doing.

One thing was sure – Jaemin tried his best for this relationship to work, and the fact that it wasn’t ideal didn’t justify what he caught her doing.

 [07:53 P.M.]

Lucas was getting late, but you didn’t even notice how late he was. Though he should’ve arrived almost two hours ago, you noticed just now. You completely lost track of time when you were dressing up for tonight.

Once you realized that everything was ready and Lucas wasn’t there, you whipped your phone and dialed him a couple of times. Each call was sent to a voicemail, so you did what any reasonable adult would do in this situation – you spammed him with text messages.

To Xiuxi 💖 | 19:58 | where are you?

To Xiuxi 💖 | 19:58 | you were supposed to be here two hours ago!

To Xiuxi 💖 | 19:58 | is everything okay?

To Xiuxi 💖 | 19:59 | why aren’t you picking up your phone???

To Xiuxi 💖 | 19:59 | Lucas! Pick up!!!

To Xiuxi 💖 | 19:59 | I am worried

To Xiuxi 💖 | 19:59 | Please call me back

To Xiuxi 💖 | 19:59 | Are you alright?

To Xiuxi 💖 | 19:59 | So you’re reading my messages…

To Xiuxi 💖 | 20:00 | Where are you???  

To Xiuxi 💖 | 20:00 | Why weren’t you picking up???

To Xiuxi 💖 | 20:00 | Answer me. It’s not cool

To My Baby 🌟 | 20:03 | Baby...

To My Baby 🌟 | 20:03 | I think we should break up

To My Baby 🌟 | 20:04 | I’ll get my stuff on Monday when you’ll be at work

You stared at Lucas’ messages, reading them over and over again. You couldn’t believe he actually wrote them. You couldn’t comprehend how cowardly Lucas was. However, what hurt you the most was probably the fact he had the audacity to do it over a freaking text message!

What a freakin’ loser!

Knowing Lucas was still using his phone, you dialed his number. Unfortunately, he chose to dodge you, sending your call immediately to a voice mail.

To Xiuxi 💖 | 20:08 | COWARD

To Xiuxi 💖 | 20:08 | pick up your damn phone!!!

To Xiuxi 💖 | 20:08 | fine.

To Xiuxi 💖 | 20:08 | Consider your shit burnt.

You texted before you threw your phone onto the couch. You realized there was no point in reaching Lucas right now. He didn’t want to talk to you. He wouldn’t pick up his phone even if you begged him to.

Driven by anger, you picked up a photo frame of you and Lucas and hurled it into the sink. The glass broke into a dozen pieces, yet it didn’t bring you solace. Your wound was still fresh, and one act of violence wasn’t going to make the pain go away.

“Fuck you, Lucas,” you whispered as you took the photo out of the sink and put it into a trash bin – exactly where he belonged.

Break-ups hurt like a bitch, but this time around, delivery pained you more than the break-up itself. Though you suspected Lucas wasn’t the love of your life, it still brought you anguish. Maybe if you saw it coming, it would’ve been easier to process.

Right now, you were too angry to cry over him. Lucas was the one who hurt you, and you refused to shed a tear because of him.

You were supposed to have a magical night, and you weren’t going to let Lucas ruin your plans. You wanted to have fun with him, but since he had decided to put an end to your relationship, everything seemed you had to have a blast solo.

In haste, you turned off the oven, grabbed your wine bottle, and left your apartment. That’s not something you had planned, but you were great at improvising. It was a Friday night, after all – you had hundreds of options to choose from.

 [09:37 P.M.]

Jaemin decided to walk his anger off. Right now, he was strolling alongside the riverside. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to help. He walked and walked, yet anger didn’t seem to leave his side. It didn’t discourage him from trying, though. Maybe he was just a mile away from reaching internal peace. Perhaps, he just needed a few more steps to calm down.

It would’ve been easier to erase this terrible image in his mind of his girlfriend fucking some other man if he didn’t see so many happy couples passing him by every few seconds. Really, it was driving him insane. Jaemin was aware that other people are happy in their blooming relationships – he really didn’t have to be reminded of that all the time.

Then he saw or rather heard something out of the ordinary.

Amongst parading couples, Jaemin saw a woman lingering dangerously on the edge of the riverbank. She was wearing a beautiful red dress, but it didn’t distract him. When Jaemin saw her wobble in her high heels, he became anxious. She had a wine bottle in her hands – she was one unfortunate step away from tragedy.

“Watch out,” Jaemin hollered, running up to the girl, wanting to pull her away from the edge. She was visibly drunk; it was just a matter of time until she’d trip over her feet and fall into the water. “Stay away from the edge,” he yelled but got no reaction from the girl.

Quickly, Jaemin ran up to her and pulled her away. The girl mumbled something incoherent when she was being hauled, but Jaemin chose her safety over good manners.

“Hey, what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” You yelled, trying to wriggle out of the stranger’s grip. “Let me go! I was doing something,” you carried on, leaning over to bite his arm, hoping he would release you.

“Yeah, you were trying to throw yourself off the edge,” Jaemin grumbled, letting go of your hand once you two were far enough from the riverbank. “That was extremely irresponsible! You might’ve fallen and killed yourself.”

“I wasn’t going to throw myself off the edge,” you argued back, stubbornly folding your arms across your chest as if you were trying to make a point. “If anything, I would push my ex off. Fuck him,” you added, smiling at the thought alone.

Lucas was a professional lifeguard. Nothing bad would happen to him if you actually pushed him into the water, but it still sparked joy when you thought of actually doing so. It’d most definitely bring you an immeasurable amount of pleasure.

“Oh, that’s you. You’re that jerk from the grocery shop!” You exclaimed as soon as you recognized the man from earlier.

“That jerk has a name,” he reminded you, rolling his eyes at you. “I’m Jaemin, and if someone’s a jerk, then it’d have to be you,” he concluded, and you sighed, having no energy left to start another argument.

“Whatever,” you whispered with a shrug. “You can go now. I was pretty busy.”

“Yeah, I saw how busy you were…” Jaemin deadpanned, staring at you, seizing you up.

“Listen, Jaeman.”

“Jaemin,” he corrected you, but you only offered him an eye roll.

“Whatever. I had a pretty shitty day. Don’t make it even worse,” you said before you spun on your heel, ready to leave.

“I can bet mine was shittier,” Jaemin spoke, and you stopped in your tracks, craning your neck to look at him. Admittedly, he looked pretty beat up. Perhaps, you started off on the wrong foot, but everybody deserves a second chance.

“My boyfriend broke up with me on our first anniversary over a text message,” you announced before you swung the wine bottle, taking a large gulp. You knew you were oversharing, but chances of running into Jaemin again were slim. You could throw the weight off your shoulders, vent to your heart extent, and never see him again.

In all honesty, it seemed like a perfect plan to you.

“I walked on my girlfriend riding some dude’s dick when I was trying to surprise her with wine and her favorite takeout,” Jaemin confessed. You had to admit that he was way better at managing his emotions than you. If you experienced anything slightly similar, you’d go full psycho mode.

“Well… holy shit. You won,” you replied in your serious tone, only to giggle out of nowhere. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that,” you apologized quickly, trying to explain your bizarre reaction. “Here have some. You obviously need it,” you offered him a sip, and Jaemin gladly took it. Though he wasn’t a big fan of alcohol, he had a valid reason to get shitfaced drunk.

“It’s not a competition, but I think I am winning,” he admitted, and you gave him a comforting pat on the back. “I waited almost an hour for these,” Jaemin grumbled as he threw a plastic bag on the bench.

“Do you mind if I have some?” You inquired when you leaned over, noticing Styrofoam food containers inside the bag. “I’m starving, and it smells delicious.”

“Help yourself. I completely lost my appetite,” Jaemin said, giving you the green light to munch on his food. Impatiently, you took one container out of the plastic bag and put it on your thighs before opening it. Jaemin sat down on the bench beside you, greedily drinking your wine. “It tastes bad,” he hiccupped as he put an empty bottle on the bench next to him.

“Well… somebody has already bought the wine which tastes good, so I had to improvise,” you reminded him, stuffing your mouth with ravioli. “Wine may be pretty bad, but these are delicious, even though they’re pretty cold now,” you added, speaking with your mouth full. “You really should have some. Otherwise, I may eat all of them.”

“Yeah, I am not hun–

Jaemin opened his mouth to answer you, but you were fast, quickly shutting him up with a ravioli. Though he didn’t appreciate it, he grumpily chewed it all up.

“You’re gonna thank me later,” you proudly spoke before you stuffed another dumpling into your mouth. “One should never drink alcohol on an empty stomach.”

“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even be drinking tonight,” Jaemin said when he took a deep breath and leaned back on the bench, staring at the sky in thought. “Actually, I just could’ve given you that wine earlier.”

“It’s okay,” you muttered, shrugging.

“We need more,” Jaemin announced, and you looked at him.

You didn’t expect to hear that. Not from Jaemin anyway. You both just got dumped, and you considered whether you should let him join you on your night escapade or not. Though neither of you got over the break-ups, you could tell he still didn’t begin grieving. You two could have a blast of the night and then go your separate ways to properly process your heartaches.

“Let’s go,” you ordered as you stood up and threw an empty container into the trash bin. “We’re gonna have so much fun tonight. Our exes are gonna regret breaking up with us.”

“Will you tell me your name, at least?”

“Buy me a drink first.”

 [10:22 P.M.]

“I’d like some coffee,” Jaemin said when the two of you miraculously found empty seats at the bar. “I think I’ll order coffee,” he added after scanning through the menu.

“You’re not ordering coffee,” you announced as you tore the menu out of his hands. Obviously, Jaemin was less experienced than you in that area. You’d gladly guide him through the night of alcohol and bad decisions. “We should do shots.”

“I don’t really like the taste of alcohol,” Jaemin argued, and you rolled your eyes.

“No one does,” you said matter-of-factly, heaving a sigh. “We’re not drinking alcohol because we like how it tastes. We’re drinking alcohol because we like how it makes us feel, and right now, we both obviously need to take the edge off.”

“So… what do you propose?”

“Vodka shots,” you offered, and though Jaemin wasn’t particularly fond of your proposition, he didn’t oppose it. Yes, Jaemin preferred cocktails where alcohol was barely perceptible, but right now, he needed to take the edge off fast, and shots seemed to do to the job just fine.

You and Jaemin had a little argument over which flavors of vodka shots you ought to get, but then you concluded you should get all of them. You both had a pretty rough day, after all. Maybe you and Jaemin would get a killer hangover in the morning, but in all honesty, you knew it wasn’t going to be the worst thing to go through tomorrow.

“Go order them,” you told Jaemin, and he unwillingly stood up.

The moment he returned to your table with a tray of shots, you smiled, excited to get shit-faced drunk.

“Should we toast?”

“I don’t toast with people I don’t know,” Jaemin pointed out, and you properly introduced yourself, stretching your arm out, giving him a firm handshake.

“To the best night of our lives,” you cheered before raising your shot glass.

Jaemin winced when the alcohol burned his throat, and you giggled, finding it adorable.

The night went on, and you and Jaemin kept talking about everything but your messed-up relationships. Rather quickly, you also got drunk. One moment, you’re downing shots, but a few minutes later, you’re getting ready for karaoke.

“I am a terrible singer, so once the song is over, we gotta bolt,” you warned Jaemin the moment you handed him the other microphone. You couldn’t remember whose idea it was to perform, but you’re about to do it now, and there was no backing out.

Your and Jaemin’s performance was all around cringeworthy. You chose to perform a duet song from the most popular teenage musicals of the last decade – High School Musical. What’s more, you were so drunk, neither of you could properly read the lyrics. Thankfully, no one booed you out, though you could swear that some people in the audience must’ve considered it.

Maybe you had an okay stage presence, but except for that, it was really, really bad. At some point, sometime after the first chorus, you decided to fuck it up even further, shouting at the top of your lungs both Troy’s and Gabriella’s parts.

Without a shred of doubt, it was the longest 3 minutes and 30 seconds of your lives.

“Do you think I was out of tune?”

“What? No! Of course, not,” Jaemin quickly said, but you could tell he was trying to be polite. You doubted you managed to hit any note properly, but you chose not to question it further. Though it was false, you were content with Jaemin’s answer.

“Let’s get the hell out of here before the angry crowd kicks us out,” you proposed, handing the microphones to the DJ. Quickly, you grabbed Jaemin’s hand and yanked him outside, feeling the chill breeze hit your face. The pub was really stuffy, and now when you finally exited the establishment, you could take a deep breath.

 [11:15 P.M.]

“I really want to drive,” you said when a crazy idea popped up in your mind. You and Jaemin were strolling down the street without any purpose, and you assumed it was still too early to call it a night. Tonight, you really got out of your comfort zone, and you wanted to try out even more things that you had never pushed yourself to try.

“You’re not driving anywhere. Not after all the shots we’ve drunk,” Jaemin replied, and you rolled your eyes. It was evident Jaemin wasn’t your close acquaintance. If he was your good friend, he would understand what you meant. Maybe, in the future…

“Not like that!” You argued, shaking your head, determined to explain what you were getting at. “I don’t want to drive a car; that’s dangerous. I meant bumper cars.”

“Oh,” Jaemin whispered, finally making some sense out of your drunken speech.

“Where has your enthusiasm gone? Don’t you want to drive over some children?” You questioned, poking his side with your forefingers.

“It’s past bedtime,” Jaemin reasoned, and you groaned.

“There’s a fair not that far away from here. I bet there are still some children we could drive over,” you announced before you pulled Jaemin to the side. You were impatient to strap the seatbelt across your body and go on a risk-free, completely safe form of entertainment.

Jaemin was mumbling something under his breath, but since he didn’t put his heart to it, you concluded he was protesting for the sake of protesting, and not because he genuinely didn’t want to go. He just needed a little push to unleash the fun person he was on the inside.

Once you found the bumper cars station, you bought a few tickets, excited to get into this tiny car and cause havoc. Though it was already late, some children were still around, spending their parents’ money on various rides.

“I really want the pink one,” you whispered to Jaemin as you two waited in the queue for your turn. “Is it just me, or are there some bloodstains on the bumper?”

“It’s just you,” Jaemin deadpanned, taking a closer look at one of the two pink vehicles.

“Don’t forget to fasten your seatbelts. I am not going to go easy on you,” you warned, and Jaemin sighed, wondering how, on Earth, he got sucked into this.

“I am so scared. I am shaking, brrrrr…” Jaemin mocked, and you bit your bottom lip, determined to prove how dangerous the bumper car rides could get.

Soon enough, it was finally your turn. Once everyone left the metal platform, the new batch of drivers could choose their vehicles. Quickly, you ran to a pink one. You fastened your seatbelts and turned around to find Jaemin. In the sea of children, you located him in a yellow vehicle on the other side of the platform.

“Bring it!” You hollered at Jaemin, bringing lots of attention to the two of you. Well… attention as well as disapproving looks from children’s parents. Jaemin smiled out of embarrassment, trying to hide his face with his hands.

Once it was safe to begin the ride, the machine operator turned on the power, letting everyone go absolutely crazy.

At first, you drove across the platform, smashing into Jaemin’s tiny vehicle. In response, he quickly turned his car around and gave you a taste of your own medicine.

Not tooting your own horn, but it was a great idea to try bumper cars. Both you and Jaemin had lots of fun. You were giggling all the time, the fact that you both got your hearts broken was on the back of your minds. You were caught in the heat of the moment instead of worrying what had gone wrong on in your love lives. And most importantly, it was an incredible way to let out you repressed anger.

After a couple of rides, you actually felt better. It really helped you to calm down – now the number of thoughts of murdering Lucas in his sleep significantly decreased. Now, you were thinking of him stepping onto a Lego block or having the hairdresser trim his bangs too short.

And that was what you would call progress™.

“That was great,” Jaemin said in excitement, displaying his beautiful grin. He was genuinely happy, and it made you proud that you helped him feel better after the break-up.

“What should we do now?” You inquired, thinking of ways to make the night even more memorable. It was most definitely one of the best nights of your life, and it surprised you that you spent it with a complete stranger.

“I don’t know. You’re the one with ideas,” Jaemin answered with a shrug, smiling at you. “What would you do if you caught your boyfriend drilling some random chick?” Jaemin asked, but there was no sadness to his statement. He must’ve been too high on endorphins to still feel sorrow over stuff he had witnessed.

“I don’t know… I would’ve egged his house or something,” you blurted the first thing that came to your mind. Maybe it was childish and seemed like a Halloween prank, but you figured it would be the most possible and the least incriminating thing that you came up with. “Okay, it’s a stupid idea. Forget I even mentioned it,” you added, trying to laugh this off as you saw Jaemin’s indifferent reaction.

“It’s not a bad idea, but I still think we shouldn’t,” Jaemin replied, and you giggled nervously.

 [01:21 A.M.]

Though you both agreed it was a childish and stupid idea, it didn’t stop you from executing it. Alcohol was still running in your veins, so maybe that’s why your judgments were faulty. If only there was someone sober to supervise your nightly shenanigans…

You and Jaemin marched to the 24/7 grocery shop and bought a large crate of eggs. You knew Taeil would be suspicious if he saw you with Jaemin, so you picked a different shop. Of course, the young shop assistant was still hesitant to sell so many eggs in the middle of the night. It was fishy, but the shop assistant wasn’t paid enough to care. However, if he, in fact, wanted to question you about your bizarre purchase, you had a fake scenario already brewing.

“No wonder we met today at the grocery shop. Your cheating ex is my neighbor,” you concluded once Jaemin revealed his ex’s address. She lived on the 3rd floor, three blocks away from your apartment. “Are you sure you want to do this?” You asked Jaemin, looking at him in concern.

“No,” he answered, putting the crate of eggs onto the pavement. When you thought that alcohol wore off and Jaemin became his mature self, he crouched down, picked up two eggs, and tossed them on his ex’s balcony. “Holy shit,” Jaemin exclaimed when the eggs cracked against the window. “You should try it,” he encouraged, handing you the eggs.

“It has no right being this fun,” you commented when you joined in. One egg after another smashed against either the balcony’s window or doors. At first, you felt bad for Jaemin’s ex because she was going to have a lot of problems to clean it all up. However, once you remembered what she had done to Jaemin, all of your empathy towards her magically disappeared.

“Oh shit, someone opened the balcony doors. Quick!” Jaemin shouted before he grabbed your arm, pulling you away, so the two of you wouldn’t get caught. You could see someone who looked awfully like Lucas groan on the 3rd floor, looking for the culprit.

“Are you sure we’re egging the right apartment?” You asked, wondering if your mind was projecting the darkest scenario it could come up with.

Jaemin caught his girlfriend cheating around the same time you got your break-up text from Lucas. Maybe, it was a stretch to assume Lucas had an affair with Jaemin’s partner, but on the other hand, you weren’t that drunk to see Lucas’ visage on random guys’ faces.

“Yes, that’s positively her apartment. Why?”

“I know it may sound crazy, but I think I saw Lucas on her balcony. Lucas, as in my ex,” you explained, trying your best to ignore your shaking hands. “Is this the guy you caught in her bed?” You asked as you unlocked your phone, showing Jaemin the photo of you and Lucas, which you used as a lockscreen picture.

“Hmm… I was too shocked to stare, but it could be him,” Jaemin answered, scratching the back of his head, trying to remember any detail about the guy that had been fucking his girl.

“This fucker,” you cursed, boiling in rage. No, you could not let it slide. “What’s the number of her apartment?” You inquired, running up to the intercom. Enough was enough. Maybe Lucas was bigger and stronger than you, but you were blinded by fury, determined to whoop his ass. Breaking up with you over a text message was wrong, but cheating on you with your neighbor was despicable.

“Violence won’t fix your broken heart,” Jaemin said as he stopped you. Firmly, he put his hands on your shoulders, pulling you away from the intercom, making you face him. “His cheating ass is not worth a single breath.”

“You’re right,” you whispered, offering a faint smile. Jaemin was glad that he could reason with you, so he let you go, only for you to stubbornly try running inside the building to give Lucas a piece of your mind. “Let me go!” You yelled when Jaemin wrapped his arms around your waist and yanked you away from the entrance.

“Calm down,” Jaemin ordered seriously, and you hiccupped a little intimidated. Maybe, Jaemin was right. It wasn’t a good idea to barge in and start a fight. Your hurt emotions got the best of you, and it was for the better to face Lucas after you’d calm down. “You’re not going anywhere, especially not after what we’ve done.”

“Okay, fine,” you grumbled, taking a few deep breaths to quiet down. “Is he gone?” You asked, and Jaemin craned his neck upwards, checking if Lucas came back inside.

Once you made sure the coast was clear, hand in hand, you ran away.

“Thank you.”

 [02:03 A.M.]

“I’m hungry,” Jaemin mumbled as you two hung out on the neighborhood’s playground.

“Your appetite has returned,” you concluded, trying to refrain from smiling. Jaemin wanted to eat, and you considered it significant progress. When you bumped into each other by the riverside, Jaemin was really sad, and now, he seemed better.

“Is there any restaurant still open at this hour?” Jaemin asked, knowing you knew your way around this area. He might’ve visited his ex-girlfriend often, but it was you who lived here.

“I don’t think there is,” you answered, scratching the back of your neck. You could have some noodles in the convenience shop, but then you remembered you had a whole feast in your apartment. “We can go to my place. I cooked way too much food. Unless you help me, it’s gonna waste,” you started, and Jaemin licked his lips at the thought of supper.

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” Jaemin smiled, and you thought he looked ridiculously handsome when there was a big smile on his face instead of a frown. “Lead the way,” he added, pulling you out of your train of thought. You were inappropriate.

Slowly, you walked toward your apartment. You were dragging your feet along the pavement, and Jaemin followed behind you.

“The sky is beautiful tonight,” Jaemin commented, and you stopped in your tracks to look up and admire the magnificent view. The sky was pitch black, and you barely could see any stars, but it was nonetheless gorgeous.

The moment you looked up, you felt a large drop of water hit your face.

“Please be rain,” you whispered, hoping it was rain and not bird poop. With your luck today, anything was possible.

“It is rain,” Jaemin whispered as he extended his hand, letting droplets fall onto his palm. “We should get going before it starts pouring.”

“Jaemin,” you muttered, obtaining Jaemin’s attention. His eyes were on you. Jaemin was scanning your face, trying to read what you’re going to say. The rain was getting more and more intense, but Jaemin waited for you.

“What’s the matter?” Jaemin asked, still staring at you. It was raining cats and dogs now, and it was difficult to maintain eye contact, but he tried. His hair was all wet, sticking to his forehead. Your clothes were getting drenched, too.

“Can I kiss you?”

“What?”

“Can I kiss you?” You repeated yourself, staring at your feet in embarrassment. “I’ve always wanted to kiss in the rain. Do you know how hard it is to find proper timing?” You asked, but Jaemin didn’t reply, leaving you in awkward silence. “It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just a kiss. I’ll kiss you, and we can forget all about it.”

“I’ve never kissed in the rain, either,” Jaemin finally spoke, and you looked up. Shyly, Jaemin was smiling. “Let’s do it,” he added, walking up to you, resting his hands on your hips. “It’s just a kiss.”

Jaemin leaned in, and you cupped his cheeks, puckering your lips, excited to meet his. At first, the kiss was gentle and innocent. Your lips were tightly pressed against his, slowly moving in sync.

Jaemin was a good kisser.

The sound of rain hitting the ground echoed in your ears as you closed your eyes. The atmosphere was serene, and although you didn’t harbor any feelings for Jaemin, your heart skipped a beat. If only you were kissing someone that you loved dearly, you might’ve got a cardiac arrest.

Jaemin’s hands roamed your body, pulling you closer against him. They inched from your hips all the way up to your neck. You slightly parted your lips, and Jaemin took his chance and deepened the kiss, making you feel dizzy.

Suddenly, you heard a loud thunder, and it made you both pull away.

“It was…” you started when you parted but were unable to form a coherent comment. It was difficult to describe. A kiss with a stranger shouldn’t feel this good. The romantic rainy atmosphere must’ve made it better than it actually was. You had no better explanation.

“Agreed,” Jaemin spoke as he took a step back, giving you your space. “Let’s go to your place before one of us gets struck by lightning,” Jaemin urged, and you complied, running away as fast as you could in your high heels.

“Hurry up,” you yelled in hopes that Jaemin was trailing behind you.

You both were utterly drenched, but now when Jaemin mentioned lightning, you didn’t want to get struck by one, so you bolted. Your feet were hurting, but thankfully, you got to your building in a few minutes.

“Which floor?” Jaemin asked as his finger hovered over the buttons in the elevator.

“Fourth,” you answered, and Jaemin pressed the right button. It was completely silent inside the elevator, but you were too busy fidgeting with your keys, looking the one to your lock.

“Make yourself home,” you spoke as you kicked off your shoes and stormed to the kitchen to heat up the food. Quickly, you put the food into the oven and set the temperature.

“I don’t mean to overstay my welcome but do you have anything I could change into?” Jaemin asked as he stared at you, hoping you could help him. “My clothes are soaked. I am all sticky,” he added, showing you how uncomfortable his outfit was right now. His pants looked like a second skin, sticking to his sexy thighs. His wet shirt also left barely any room for imagination, letting you see how muscular he was underneath it.

“Yeah, sure, of course,” you answered as you stopped drooling over him. Get your shit together; you scolded yourself, offering Jaemin an apologetic smile. “I think I have something that shall fit you,” you spoke, marching to your bedroom, avoiding his scrutinizing gaze.

Cursing under your breath, you sought a clean set of clothes.

“Here, you can change in the bathroom.” You handed him a pair of sweatpants and a simple white T-shirt, pointing at the doors behind his back.

“Thanks,” Jaemin replied, beaming. “I’ll be right back,” he added, and you nodded, panicking. It was unusual for you to behave like this. You shouldn’t have kissed him. If only you could have kept your mouth shut, you wouldn’t be all fidgety.

Since Jaemin was in the bathroom, you decided to change your clothes, too. You had no idea how much time he needed, so in haste, you unzipped your dress, trying to pull it over your head. Unfortunately, your dress, as well as your sexy see-through body, was uncomfortably stuck to your skin.

Turning to the window, you took off your lingerie and put on an oversized T-shirt and a pair of leggings. This set was your go-to pajama set, and you as soon as you replaced it with your drenched dress, you felt incredible comfort.

“I put my clothes on the rack in the bathroom,” Jaemin said after he cleared his throat. “I must admit you’re pretty funny,” he added, and you shook your head, feigning innocence. “I mean… really?” He giggled as he turned around, bending forward, showing his cute flat butt.

“I am sorry, I don’t get what you mean,” you spoke, batting your eyelashes, pretending to be clueless. “Do you want me to spank you or what?” You laughed, covering your face.

“Juicy? Really?” Jaemin said, rolling his eyes. Yes, there was a gigantic shimmering juicy written across his velvet tracksuit pants, and you had to admit that Jaemin didn’t look that bad.

“Yes, really,” you whispered, trying your best not to laugh. Maybe you could name a few people who had butts more fitted for the pair of pants, but it still looked fine on Jaemin. “Anyway, I think the food is ready.”

“Good. I am starving.”

 [03:32 A.M.]

Jaemin was sitting on the edge of the couch, leaning in for every bite. You, on the other hand, were seated on the carpet right next to him. Though the both of you were famished, you barely ate half the feast you had prepared for you and Lucas. You were sure you consumed at least four hundred thousand calories, even though you ate maybe a quarter of the supper.

“I don’t get these people. It’s not really that hard,” Jaemin complained, getting too invested in a TV reality show you had randomly played on Netflix. You were in the middle of the second episode, and it was about the sixth time Jaemin groaned at the screen in irritation.

“Relax, it’s probably staged anyway,” you replied, poking his leg with your shoulder as you tried to stuff one more bite in your mouth.

“I understand being horny, but they’re feral 24/7 for complete strangers,” he carried on, and you decided to let him vent to his heart content. You’d much rather listen to him complain about a stupid TV show than let him sulk after the break-up. “They act as if their dick is gonna fall off unless they get it wet every day.”

“Oh, come on. You’d try to get some, too. Don’t act so prude,” you concluded, but Jaemin looked at you seriously. “What?”

“They are literally getting paid for not fucking, and all they do is look for someone to suck them off,” Jaemin carried on, and you chuckled, finding his shenanigans absolutely adorable.

“Maybe I should pick something else,” you proposed, and Jaemin shook his head. He was having too much fun complaining. “Okay, let’s keep watching it, but if my neighbors call the police, you’re the one who’s gonna speak with them,” you warned him as you put your plate away, slipping on the couch beside Jaemin.

“If I was on the show, I would probably just chill by the pool and enjoy the cocktails,” you started dreamily, thinking how nice it would be to go on vacation to such a luxurious resort. “Besides, these guys aren’t really my style. Who would like to interact with such notorious players?”

“So… what is your type?”

“I like reliable men who are fun and can make me laugh,” you answered after serious consideration. “My type would be any male character written by a female writer, but such men don’t exist in real life.”

“You have to be more realistic,” Jaemin agreed, heaving a sigh. “You’re smart, fun, and beautiful. And the food you made is to die for. I am pretty sure you’ll find someone who will appreciate you the way you deserve it.”

“Thank you, Jaemin. That’s really sweet of you.”

“Lucas is a loser for treating you like that,” he added, and you meekly smiled, getting emotional at the mention of your ex’s name. Though you were on the verge of crying, you decided to suppress your tears. Lucas wasn’t worth it. If there’s anything you should cry over, it’s all the time you had wasted on this piece of garbage.

“Thank you, Jaemin. You really know how to lift up the mood,” you chuckled, looking into Jaemin’s eyes. You hadn’t noticed it before, but Jaemin had beautiful eyes and long dark eyelashes. Surprisingly, these breathtaking orbs were focused on your lips. “If you want to join, I am planning on setting Lucas’ stuff on fire tomorrow,” you added jokingly, trying to make the atmosphere less tense.

“I don’t condone any of it, but it’s dangerous to do it alone. If you’re gonna do it, then I’ll tag along and supervise you. I’ll bring the fire distinguisher. Just in case you need one,” Jaemin replied halfheartedly, caressing your shoulder to provide a sense of comfort. Not being judged was a nice feeling, and you were glad Jaemin provided that instead of a lecture on how immature you were acting.

“Thank you, Jaemin. You’re a real friend,” you replied with a sigh, pleased that you decided to give him a second chance. Even though you two had had a rough first encounter, Jaemin proved himself. With ease, he became one of your favorite people.

[04:47 A.M.]

“I should head back home,” Jaemin announced as you two sat through yet another episode.

“Nonsense,” you yawned, not wanting to end your spontaneous adventure with him. “It’s raining cats and dogs outside. I am not letting you go out in this weather,” you reasoned as you sighed, glad you came up with a faultless excuse.

“It was the most fun I had in a while, but I really overstayed my welcome here.”

“I thought we were friends…” you pouted, staring into his eyes. “You’re gonna help me finish the food in the morning. You have to stay,” you stated, and Jaemin decided not to argue. You seemed to have valid reasons for him to stay, so he complied.

“Should we get some sleep? It’s almost morning,” Jaemin inquired, and you hummed in agreement. You weren’t super tired, but you concluded it would be reckless to pull an all-nighter. You had a free weekend ahead of you, and you didn’t want to spend it all on sleeping.

Having turned off the television, you and Jaemin headed to your bedroom. You were too lazy to preparing bedding for Jaemin in the living room, so you told him to sleep with you on the bed. At this point, Jaemin was too lazy too to even argue if it was inappropriate or not.

“The sun will rise soon,” you whispered as you looked through the window, seeing the dark sky brighten up slowly. “It was one hell of a day,” you quietly added as you closed your eyes, ready to force yourself to sleep.

“It really was,” Jaemin agreed, genuinely smiling. “You’re literally the last person I expected to hang out with, but I am glad we did. It was fun.”

The sounds of raindrops hitting against the windows slowly lulled you to sleep.

“Are you asleep?” You heard Jaemin’s soft voice.

“No,” you replied, turning to your side to face him. Jaemin’s soft gaze was trained on you as he lay beside you. “What is it?”

“I have a confession to make,” he whispered, and you purred, trying to focus on his voice.

“Go on.”

“I should’ve told you sooner, but I was embarrassed,” Jaemin started, and you rubbed your eyes, trying your best to stay awake. It was getting juicy, and you didn’t want to fall asleep in the middle of Jaemin’s confession. “I kind of saw you changing and didn’t look away.”

“What?” You whisper-yelled, being fully awake now.

“I know it was creepy, and I’m really sorry for it. It was right after we kissed, and I was confused, and you looked so hot, I just… I don’t know what got into me,” Jaemin blabbered, and you giggled, thinking he was adorable. “Why are you smiling? Aren’t you angry?” he asked, adjusting his position. He had his hands tucked under his cheek as he stared at you.

“Only a little bit,” you answered proudly. “You’re hot, too, so if I had a chance to check you out when you were changing, I’d probably do it,” you elaborated frankly, having no shame. “What did you see?”

“Your ass, and thighs, and a bit of a boob.”

“And?”

“And then, I had bad thoughts.”

“What kind of bad thoughts?” You egged him on, curious what he thought of you.

“You know what kind of bad thoughts,” Jaemin argued, and you giggled, shaking your head, acting clueless as ever.

“I really don’t,” you laughed, pressing your mouth against the pillow, trying to make your laughter less obvious. Of course, you failed. Jaemin saw right through you. “OK, fine. I know what you mean. If that makes you feel any better, I might’ve had similar thoughts. When we were watching that stupid reality show, they were talking about sex all the time, and it made me a little bit horny.”

“We really shouldn’t,” Jaemin stated as he inched closer, resting his face on your pillow. “We just got out of our relationships. We’re not thinking straight,” he continued, and you cursed under your breath because you knew he was right.

“I still kind of want you to kiss me, though,” you whispered as you leaned forward until you could feel Jaemin’s breath on your lips. You were lingering dangerously close, yet you waited for Jaemin to make a move.

Jaemin didn’t need to be told twice. He took the initiative and closed the gap, giving you a gentle kiss. His hand found purchase on your cheek as he held you in place when his mouth slowly moved against yours. “It has no right to feel this good,” Jaemin breathed out, tickling your skin.

“I want to go all the way,” you confessed, biting your bottom lip in anticipation. You were bold, and you hoped you didn’t misinterpret this situation. You and Jaemin were going through a rough patch in your respective relationships. It wasn’t the right time to start anything serious, and you were fine with that.

Tonight, sex didn’t have to mean anything. Maybe, once you figure your shit out, you could go on a date, but right now, you were more than okay with casual, meaningless sex.

“What are you into in bed? What are your kinks?” You asked as you propped your head on your elbow, staring at Jaemin. He was now lying on his back, looking at the ceiling. Having analyzed his body language, you could tell he was embarrassed, so you decided to go first.

If you were to have sex with Jaemin, you wanted him to know what turned you on and off beforehand. Though you didn’t doubt Jaemin’s skills in bed, you’d gladly tell him what you liked. If your relationship with Jaemin had a future, you’d let him figure out your preferences over time. Just in case you would never meet again, you gladly laid out all your cards.

“I really like to be spanked,” you started, giggling. “Oh, and I like riding dicks.”

Your boldness turned Jaemin on more than he initially thought. You were just listing stuff you liked to do in bed, giving him tips, and Jaemin was getting hard.

“Lucas always tried to dominate me, but I think I’m more of a switch. Oh, and I like when men are vocal! There’s nothing sexier than man’s moans,” you carried on, completely oblivious to what was going on inside Jaemin’s pants. “So… Jaemin, what kind of stuff are you into? Do you like being babied? Or are you into restraint? Or maybe roleplay?” You inquired, but Jaemin remained silent.

“I like to spank,” Jaemin revealed, and you nodded, excited to hear the rest of his kinks.

“What else?” You urged him, but Jaemin hummed, thinking. Was it that bad? “Come on, I am pretty freaky myself. I think I can handle whatever is on your mind,” you confessed, but it still wasn’t enough for Jaemin to be completely honest with you. “Okay, let me guess,” you tried a different approach, gently tapping your lips with your forefinger, pondering. “I think I know what you’re into.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, and I hope I am wrong,” you replied, covering your giggles with your hands. “I mean, it gotta be something big if you’re so reluctant to tell me,” you concluded, and Jaemin let you finish your thought. “I can’t believe I was going to fuck someone who’s into feet.”

“What?!” Jaemin yelled, sitting up, staring down at you with cocked eyebrows. “No! I don’t have a feet fetish! God no! What’s wrong with you?!” Jaemin exclaimed, and you pressed a pillow against your face, trying to cover your loud chuckles. “I like both receiving and giving praises. I like to overstimulate, and I am kind of into daddy/babygirl roleplay.”

Jaemin loudly listed his turn-ons, but you didn’t pay him your full attention as your laughter still echoed against the walls of your bedroom. Your reasoning was hysterical, and you needed more time to collect yourself.

Unfortunately, Jaemin wasn’t having it. With determination written all over his face, he straddled you, pinning your hands against your mattress on both sides of your head. You were still giggling, but when you looked into his dark eyes, you shut up.

“I didn’t appreciate your joke,” Jaemin said in a low voice, his tone all serious.

“I am sorry, daddy,” you whispered, knowing he’d enjoy it. “I will not joke like that. I am gonna be a good girl to daddy,” you added, batting your eyelashes innocently.

“I am happy to hear that, baby girl,” Jaemin said with a lopsided smile. “Now, what should I do with you, huh?” Leaning forward, Jaemin whispered into your ear, pressing a delicate kiss against the sensitive skin of your neck. “Do you want to suck daddy’s cock?” Jaemin inquired, and you held your breath, nodding your head.

Delighted with your timid non-verbal response, Jaemin smirked as he got off you, resting on his back with his arms folded under his head. Obediently, you straddled Jaemin’s thighs and pulled the trousers down, releasing his semi-erect cock.

“Go on,” Jaemin urged, and you bit your lips as you took a hair tie off your hand make a ponytail. Once you were ready, you wrapped your hands around Jaemin’s length, giving him a few strokes before you took him in your mouth.

Jaemin was staring at you fondly as your head was bobbing up and down his shaft. You took your time taking more and more of him, and Jaemin grunted in pleasure, enjoying the way you swallowed him. Gently, Jaemin grabbed your ponytail and guided you, forcing his cock down your throat until he could hear you choke.

“Is my cock too much for you, baby?” Jaemin innocently asked as he held your face up, rubbing your cheek with his thumb. “You sucked me well. Now, lie down on your back and let daddy take care of you,” Jaemin ordered, and you obeyed him, awaiting your reward.

Slowly, Jaemin pulled your leggings down your legs, leaving you only in your oversized T-shirt. With one fluid motion, Jaemin crawled between your thighs, spreading them even further. Though he didn’t even touch you, you trembled in anticipation.

Swiftly, Jaemin put his hands on your butt cheeks, dragging you closer to his mouth. His fingers were digging into your flesh as he licked your folds. Passionately, his tongue twirled around your sensitive bud, making you hiss in pleasure.

“Stay still. Be a good girl, and don’t buckle your hips,” Jaemin gave you the first warning as he forced you back onto the mattress. You knew you’d have a hard time controlling your urges, but you were going to try your best.

The moment you fully relaxed, Jaemin’s face reconnected with your entrance, teasing you with no mercy. Gently, he sucked on your clit, getting hushed whimpers out of you. His nose brushed against your pelvic bone as Jaemin ate you out with hunger. Your juices mixed with his saliva provided close to no friction as his fingers slipped inside of you with ease.

“Aaahh…” you hissed when the cold ring, which was around Jaemin’s forefinger, stroke past your folds. “Jaemin, I need more. I can take more of your fingers,” you moaned, shutting your eyes close.

Unfortunately, Jaemin didn’t comply with your plea. Instead, he pulled away, letting you realize your mistake on your own.

“I’m sorry, daddy,” you apologized, using Jaemin’s nickname. “Daddy, please. Give me your fingers. I want to come around them,” you whimpered, pouting in hope Jaemin would forgive you for not addressing him properly.

“How could daddy refuse you when you beg so nicely,” Jaemin whispered before he pushed three fingers at once, stretching you out. “You’re so tight. Daddy will have to work really hard to get you ready for his cock.”

Jaemin pumped his fingers in and out, and you grabbed a fistful of sheets, trying not to thrust your hips against his hand. With vigor, Jaemin curled his digits inside of you, searching for your sweet spot, trying to make you come.

Every flicker of his fingers inside of you got you moaning. Shamelessly, you breathed out his nickname as you felt your first orgasm approaching. Your walls were tightening around his knuckles, and as soon as Jaemin put your clit back between his lips, you felt completion. With a loud shriek of his name, you came undone.

“I am sorry, daddy,” you whispered, wishing for Jaemin to let this one slide.

“It’s okay, baby,” Jaemin answered as he lay on top of you, pressing his hard erection against your drenching folds. “You made daddy proud,” he added, leaning down for a kiss. You were still high after you had reached your peak, but you kissed Jaemin deeply, welcoming his tongue, massaging it with yours. “Do you want to ride me?” He asked, staring into your eyes.

“Yes,” you nodded, and Jaemin smirk, flipping you around, so now you were on top of him.

“Go bring the condoms,” he ordered, spanking you to hurry you up.

Obediently, you hopped off him to get a package of condoms. In the meantime, Jaemin took off his clothes. Within a minute, you were back, and you couldn’t believe your eyes. Jaemin was lying on your bed, gently stroking his length, waiting for your return.

“Strip,” he firmly spoke, and you grabbed the hem of your shirt before you pulled it over your head, tossing it onto the floor. “Now, come here, beautiful,” Jaemin commanded, and you made your way toward your bed, crawling on top of Jaemin’s thighs.

“Can I?” You pleaded, playing with the condom packaging, eager to roll it down his length.

“Go ahead,” Jaemin encouraged you, and you carefully draped a condom on his erect cock. “I can’t wait to finally be inside of you,” he whispered in a seductive tone as he put his hands on your butt, pulling you closer. “Hop on top of it and ride it.”

Being the good girl you were, you grabbed his erection and aligned it with your entrance, slowly sinking down, enjoying the way your walls stretched to welcome him.

Jaemin’s hands didn’t leave your butt cheeks. At all times, he was either kneading or spanking them. You, on the other hand, moved up and down his length, moaning and groaning his name like an incantation.

“Do you want daddy to help you?” Jaemin asked as he felt you were slowly losing all your energy. Your movements fell out of rhythm, and you significantly slowed down.

“Please,” you breathed out as you leaned forward to get a passionate kiss.

Though you were still on top, now it was Jaemin’s turn to do all the work. From underneath you, he thrust his hips upwards, pushing his cock deep inside of you.

“Play with your clit for daddy.”

The sounds which were leaving your mouth were obscene. Jaemin’s cock filled up well, hitting all the right places, but when he gave you permission to touch yourself, you were on the verge of the second orgasm.

“I want to cum at the same time daddy does,” you confessed, and Jaemin smirked, increasing his tempo. At this point, he was pounding you hard.

“Daddy’s close,” Jaemin announced, giving you a powerful slap against your butt cheeks, making you yelp. You were sure his hand left an imprint on your skin, but in all honesty, you enjoyed this kind of pain.

“I’m coming!” You shouted as you arched your back, completely losing your composure when an electrifying sensation ripped inside of you.

“Fuck,” Jaemin cursed when he bottomed out, shooting his load into the condom.

Your body tingled as blissful feeling slowly fleeted. You needed a moment to fully return back on Earth after your climax. Underneath you, Jaemin was still panting, basking in post-orgasmic ecstasy.

“It was world-shattering, daddy,” you giggled as you lay down on Jaemin’s chest, pressing a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth. “We’re quite compatible in terms of sex,” you added before you gave him a deep kiss, sucking on his bottom lip.

“I wish I wasn’t so spent,” Jaemin confessed as he pulled out his flaccid cock, dropping the condom onto the floor. “I could fuck you for hours.”

 [09:27 P.M.]

Your body didn’t exactly work like other people’s. It was strange, but over the years you got used to it, considering it your superpower. While others suffered terrible headaches after a night of alcohol, you woke up feeling energized and well-rested.

Despite having maybe three hours of sleep, once you opened your eyes, you couldn’t drift back to dreamland. You had too much energy for it, so you chose to get out of bed.

Jaemin was sleeping right beside you, cuddling you. Regardless of how nice it felt, you decided to slip from underneath the covers. Thankfully, you didn’t wake him up when you were trying to escape his gentle embrace.

At first, you took a long shower. Nothing felt more relaxing than standing under the hot waterfall massaging your skin.

Then, you did all the house chores. You did laundry. You cleaned the living room after your and Jaemin’s late supper. You even watered the plants and took the trash out.

At last, you grabbed the largest cardboard box you could find and threw everything that belonged to Lucas, still pondering whether you should toss it into the trash, wait for him to pick it up, or set it on fire.

You were sad to close this chapter of your life. The only good thing about this drama was the fact that your relationship with him ended before you entirely devoted yourself to him. You had no idea how much it would’ve hurt you if you were head over heels in love with him. Thankfully, you’d never get to feel it.

Around noon, your apartment turned into a Lucas-free zone. Everything that reminded you of him was put away, waiting for your ultimate decision.

“What are you doing up? What time is it?” You heard Jaemin’s raspy morning voice as you walked inside your bedroom, wanting to double-check if any Lucas’ shit was still there.

“Rise and shine,” you chipped, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at the sleepy man. “It’s half-past twelve,” you informed him, reading the time off your wristwatch. “Are you hungry? I was about to heat up yesterday’s leftovers. You want some?”

“With pleasure. I’d die for a cup of coffee, though,” Jaemin purred, snuggling closer to the pillow, definitely not ready to love the bed yet.

“Okay, what coffee do you usually have?”

“Americano with six espresso shots,” Jaemin whispered, and you creased your eyebrows, hoping you heard him wrong. It had to be a joke. It wasn’t healthy.

“The best I can do is a decaf hazelnut cappuccino,” you revealed, curious how he would react to your counteroffer. Since your body didn’t handle caffeine well, you only had decaf blends, and Jaemin didn’t seem to be the type of person to enjoy coffee-flavored beverages. “Or I can hook you up with my downstairs neighbor. He should have some cocaine to get you through the day,” you proposed, wondering which offer Jaemin was more likely to take.

“Never mind,” Jaemin said as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Can I have some tea, then?”

“Of course,” you voiced, approving of Jaemin’s drink choice. “I’ve prepared a clean towel for you. Go take a shower. I’ll be waiting for you in the kitchen.”

Twenty minutes later, you and Jaemin were sitting next to each other on the barstools by the kitchen island, munching on leftovers.

“How come it tastes even better than last night?” Jaemin commented as he put some more food onto his plate, still hungry to devour the rest of it. “I’m gonna take it to go if we don’t finish it now,” he added, and you giggled.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you shook your head before you put your fork down as you reached for your cup. “We’re friends. I can make some more when we’re gonna hang out,” you added, carefully watching his reaction. You had met Jaemin not even twenty-four hours ago, but in your opinion, you were already friends. Hopefully, Jaemin thought the same thing.

“I’d love that,” Jaemin said, smiling, making your heart skip a beat.

Though it was already lunchtime, you and Jaemin finished breakfast in a friendly atmosphere. You were talking about nonsense until all the food disappeared from your plates. You didn’t want to say goodbye to him yet, but you understood that Jaemin had to leave.

Just as you had to get rid of things that reminded you of Lucas, Jaemin needed to deal with his own relationship drama. However, you were hopeful that once you both mend your broken hearts, something could happen between you and Jaemin.

“Call me,” you whispered as you kissed Jaemin on the cheek before he went through the threshold of your apartment.

“I will,” Jaemin smiled, waving at you.

You watched him approach the elevator. You really wished he could stay longer, but when you thought of meeting him again, you smiled. You had no idea how much time it would take to overcome your heartaches, but Jaemin was worth the wait.

“Wait,” Jaemin hollered when he turned away and ran back to you. “I don’t have your number,” he added sheepishly, and you shook your head. You were relieved that Jaemin remembered that you had never exchanged contact information.

“Here,” you giggled as you handed him his phone back after you saved your number. ��Call me sometimes,” you added before he walked inside the elevator.

“I will!”  

[yyxgin]

lee felix’s guide to hating you

— ♡ FIC BANNER MADE BY THE AMAZING @chogiwow !!

pairing: lee felix x fem!reader genre: college au, tutor au ; fluff, angst, slice of life, slow burn word count: 21 k warnings: mentions of alcohol, mention of weed, swearing, bad family relationships

a/n: this story is very briefly inspired by jaemin’s drama ‘the way i hate you’ :) also this idea has been in my mind for such a long time, so i’m happy i finally managed to write it. this is also my longest fic so far, i hope it’s worth it. uhh yea enjoy <3

taglist: @feyregels​ @missskzbiased​ @hyunyin​ @koishua​ @crispy-chan​ @rindomo​ @soulssung​ @thatrandomoneinthecorner​ @90shermione​ @chogiwow​ @creatichee​ @freckledberries​ @hyunnies-stars​ 

There’s a list of things Lee Felix knew before applying for college-- and that is: 1) he really, desperately needs a degree for his grandparents to value him as an equal adult, 2) college in young adult movies seems like fun and partying and alcohol really does sound like his wettest dream, 3) he doesn’t need to work for another 4 years, which is fun and 5) he is really, horribly bad at studying.

Here’s a list of things Lee Felix, however, did not know before applying for college, and even though it’s fairly shorter, it hits you in the guts deeper, and that is: 1) studying for college means never ending chapters of insomnia and 2) he is always going to feel like the second choice for everyone. 

You see, girls don’t like Felix that much. Well, that’s a lie-- girls do go after him, tell him he’s cute and his freckles are adorable, but that’s only after they find out there’s no use in chasing after his best friend Han Jisung when he gets himself a new significant other. Boys don’t go after Felix either. Why, you may ask? Read the paragraph over again-- just change the word girls to the word boys. It’s as simple as that. He’s always the second choice, the back-up plan. It feels silly to drag his grandma into this, really, but the truth is, he’s a second choice in every aspect of his life, and that, too, includes his big (and still growing) family that treats him as something less than a human just because of the fact that his grades aren’t as good as his cousin’s are and he doesn’t have a degree in biological science, although he’s too young for that and his college years only started. It’s hard, living in his shoes.

What is Felix, however, really good at? 

Cheating.

Yeah, well, you see-- it’s not funny to be the outcast of the smart Lee family and it’s also not enetaining in the slightest to be the only single one at family gatherings (read as: weddings, because every single one of his relatives decided to fuck up their life with marriage in the past three years for some unknown reason). So Felix does what he’s the best at, and that is going by his favorite life motto: fake it ‘til you make it. 

He cheats on every single one of his exams and believe me when I tell you he’s the top of the class just because he’s the best cheater in town. Good cheating techniques equal good grades and suddenly, Felix’s life seems much brighter when he spends his sleepless nights with creating cheat sheets instead of studying and copying essays written in korean, translating them to english and submitting them as his own because no one will ever notice-- his degree is within the reach of his hand and he can already feel all the grandmas of the family clapping in joy, maybe even wiping away a stray tear on his graduation ceremony in a few years with bouquets of flowers in their hands and expensive watches in their gift bags, ready to welcome him back into the family.. 

What he doesn’t expect, though, is the cute little saying of ‘every lie has short legs’ he swears he heard sometimes in his linguistic class before, coming to life right in front of his eyes as the professor of his Biology class makes him the assigned tutor of the sweet Y/N Y/L/N, because, well, he clearly doesn’t know anything-- what’s he supposed to tutor now? 

The best cheating techniques?

The freckled boy sitting in front of you looks at you with furrowed brows and you wonder what’s the matter with him. Is there something on your face? Are you not dressed appropriately for the occasion? I mean, it’s only a tutoring session, so you didn’t put that much effort into it, but judging from the casual outfit enveloping his body, he didn’t really try to look fancy either. So what was it with him that made him stare you down as if you had horns on your head?

“Shall we start?” he asks once he’s done staring, voice sounding determined. You wonder if he sees the hints of nervousness on your face and if he notices the way you shrink in your seat in the mention of biology, but you guess he doesn’t know you that well to know that you fear the subject as much as you fear dying. 

“Yeah, sure,” you nod, scooting closer to the edge of your seat so you’re not so far away from the table. Felix-- your new biology tutor-- is sitting opposite of you and it’s quite difficult to read the text book once it’s upside down, but you don’t dare to mention it to him for a reason that’s unknown to you as well. It’s like you don’t want to overstep any invisible boundary on your first tutoring session, and telling the person that is teaching you to turn around the text book so you can actually see and learn something seems to be one of the taboos in your eyes. 

You take a quick glance at the waiter that just stopped next to your booth and smile, opening up your mouth to order yourself a meal. “Can I get you anything else?” she asks.

“No-” Felix offers her with a shy smile, but you cut him off with a voice a little higher in the octaves, not wanting your tutor coming in between you and reaching your biggest goal you’ve set for yourself.

“Actually, yes. Could I please get the chicken wings? With fries?” you ask, trying to look as innocent as you can, smiling at her in politeness. You ignore the confused look Lee Felix is offering you from the other side of the table. You mentally send him a signal to tell him to mind his own business, watching the waitress leave with a nod and a polite smile. 

“Okay, now we can start,” you nod at him and focus all your attention to the boy with sandy hair in front of you.

“O...kay?” he answers, obviously trying to bat away his rising confusion, because ordering yourself chicken wings on your tutoring session is prohibited now, apparently. “So,” he starts, sighing and scratching the back of his neck, “what do you not understand from this section?” 

You nervously chew on the bottom of your lip. Well, that’s a sweet question, you think. It would have been much sweeter and much easier to answer, though, if you understood at least a bit from the things you’re supposed to know. You went to university with the urge to prove something to yourself, but the only thing you’re proving to yourself right now is the fact that you are actually kind of useless, when it comes to biology.

“Just like the… whole thing, actually,” you nod, trying not to look as defeated as you feel and also trying not to burst out in a manic laugh as you always do when you feel slightly nervous about anything.

“Cool, cool, yeah,” he nods, taking a deep breath in, turning the textbook around and sighing, “I don’t think I can help you with that.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” you ask, confused. 

Lee Felix is the top of the grade. He is the best at biology, he is the best at chemistry, he is the best at his farmacy class. You’re sure he’ll be a fine biochemist in a few years, when his college times are over. Lee Felix is the smartest boy in your biology class and you are, coincidentally, quite the opposite on this spectrum. Which is exactly why your teacher managed to make Felix tutor you in his free time. You weren’t surprised at the fact that the blonde boy agreed to this-- he was quite the sweetheart, really. All the girls in your class fawned upon the way his freckles shined in the sunlight and the way he opened the doors for older professors. He was quite the boy you would want to introduce to your parents. Not quite the one every girl goes after, but the one that you would want to settle down with after your college years are over.

So why is he, the sweet, but also smart boy that agreed to tutor you, now telling you he can’t help you?

“It’s just.. I’m not really good at this section, I mean-”

“Felix, you’re the top of the class. Of course you’re good at this section.” you mumble, gazing deep into his eyes, trying to search for an answer.

“I-” he says and takes a sharp breath in, stopping himself in continuing his train of thought and just opting to shrug, not giving you a proper response either.

You feel like someone just punched you in the gut, and that’s when you realise-- here it is again. Another person that doesn’t believe in you-- another person that needs proving that you really can do it, you just need a little push. You can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t think you’re smart or bright enough to pass the exams, you’re not good enough to get good grades. It’s nothing new to you, but it still haunts you just the same.

“Is it because you know I can’t do it?” you bluntly ask, sighing. 

“No! No, no, I never said that-” he says, almost panicking with the way his hands fly into the air hurriedly, waving them around as if it was meant to calm you down. 

“You’re acting like it, though. I promise I’m not stupid- well, maybe I am, but-”

“You’re not stupid! It’s me! I’m the stupid one here.” he says, effectively silencing you with his words as you stare at him, dumbfounded. He’s joking, right?

“How can you be stupid when you get only the best grades? Felix, if you just don’t want to waste your time here, tell me, but don’t try to hide behind poor excuses.” you roll your eyes, feeling frustrated at the boy’s antics. Does he really think you’re that stupid that you can’t see right through his lies?

“I cheat.”

You blink a few times as if to reset your brain, gazing at him with pure confusion written in your orbs. He cheats? No. That’s a lie. A person as good at biology as Felix can’t cheat. All his exams are on 100% and he never makes any mistakes. He’s the epitome of the smart kid. The little Einstein. The prodigy. There’s no way it’s all cheating.

“No.” you shake your head in disapproval. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying! Look, I genuinely, really want to help you. I really do. The thing is, though, I don’t know how to study. I make cheat sheets and I use them at every exam and every test, that’s why everyone thinks I’m super smart, but that is really not the case,” he shakes his head, staring into your eyes with his wide open in honesty, wanting you-- no,-- needing you to understand. “I would tutor you if I could, really, but I just don’t know how to,” he sighs finally, acting like he’s just given birth or ran a marathon, exhaustion written all over his face.

“So why did you offer to tutor me, then?” you ask.

He takes a moment for himself to collect his thoughts, before he speaks up again. “Well, I didn’t really want to get caught. You see, I would never turn my back to anyone. Really. So I thought I could at least try to learn something? So I could help you? But I failed, as always, so I’m just coming clean in front of you and you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

The moment the last sentence leaves his mouth, you notice the apparent fear in his eyes, realising that he just shared an information with you that nobody really knows. It’s a secret he’s been hiding and keeping from everyone just to appear as the smartest one-- fooling everyone, including you. You feel even more stupid now, under his gaze. You feel played. You came to the tutoring, hoping to finally get a grip, when all you get is a person that is stepping all over the sandcastle of your fragile dreams, kicking every little piece of sand away with his lies. You know you shouldn’t feel so invested in this. You shouldn’t feel so hurt. But somehow, you still do. 

“So you just told me you are lying to everyone and cheating on tests and you want me to keep it a secret from everyone?” you ask in disbelief.

“Yes.” he nods, eyes hopeful. He’s been lying for the last year as if his life was depending on it and now he wants you to do the same-- keep quiet in front of everyone.

“And what do I do when the professor asks me why I’m not getting any better? Huh? Ever thought of that?” you leash out, harshly chewing on your bottom lip in nerves. “I want to pass. And I want to do it fair and square.” you get out in between your teeth.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think of that yet, but-”

“Leave.” you say, looking him sternly into his eyes.

“What do you mean, leave?”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore. And you’re clearly not here to teach me anything, so you can just take your things and leave.” you spit out, crossing your hands over your chest.

“You leave, then,” he mutters, looking rather offended. You’re not sure why he’s the one hurt right now, but you guess that’s just how men and their egos are, there’s nothing more under his hurt eyes and shattered self-esteem.

“I ordered food, I’m not leaving.” you calmly respond. Once you say this, you’re reminded of the little quest you made for yourself. Never once did you feel silly for taking it so seriously in front of your other friends, but now, in front of Lee Felix with freckled dusted cheeks, you feel almost invisible as you realise why you even ordered the chicken wings and how you’re going to write a yelp review about them later.

Well, someone has to do it, and if not you, then who will, right? It’s the only valid way to find out who makes the best chicken wings in the town and not even your traitor-tutor is going to stop you now, when your list is only getting shorter and shorter. 

He stares at you for a few moments, dumbfounded, before he sighs and accepts his defeat. “Okay, I’ll just have to text my roommate to pick me up,” he admits.

You nod, just in time the server comes back with your food, offering her a welcoming smile. “Fine. But don’t even think of talking to me from now on. I’m not interested in more lies,” you spit at him, scowling as you take a look at the plate of chicken wings sitting in front of you in their full glory. You sense a very bad review, judging from the way the chicken wings look nothing like wings, rather full on small chickens dipped in oil, but dive in nonetheless. 

“Why do you have to be so dramatic?” he asks, voice coated in disbelief.

“Because I was scammed!” you yell out, mouth full of chicken, not caring a second about the way you might look in the boy’s eyes. Yes, you could have at least swallowed before speaking to him, but did you do it? No. No, you didn’t. 

“Oh come on-”

“Don’t even try arguing with me!” you spit at him-- quite glad that this time, it’s not literal-- and huff out in annoyance, when the door opens and a short boy with a bucket hat on steps into the bistro, the red fabric of the seats of the booths contrasting with his shoes in a way that makes you feel captivated, your eyes refusing to tear themselves away from him. 

The boy is taking quick steps to your booth and you almost choke on your chicken wings as you admire his full glory-- tanned skin and car keys in his hand, but his eyes meet the boy sitting opposite of you and that’s when everything clicks. This is not the boy of your dreams, this is Han Jisung. Your tutor’s best friend and roommate-- also known as the resident heartbreaker. You shouldn’t feel weak in your knees when you look at him, but that’s exactly what happens and you won’t feel ashamed about it. Well, not now, at least. In a few hours when you’re lying in your bed? Maybe. But I’ll tell you then.

“Yo, dude, I texted you like five minutes ago that I’m waiting for you outside, what are you still doing here?” he asks, furrowing his brows at his roommate and slowly moving his eyes to you, scanning you up and down, leaving your heart to do the stupid cartwheel you haven’t felt since, like, middle school. 

“We were in the middle of an argument, so I didn’t hear my phone ring.” Felix answers, glaring at you with spiteful eyes. You almost prepare to kill him with yours, but you focus on wiping the oil from the corner of your mouth and smiling heavenly, trying to look like a lady in front of your new visitor.

“Was Felix being absolutely unbearable again?” he asks you, surprising you with his subtle way of engaging you into the conversation.

You giggle, rolling your eyes slightly. “Yeah. You know him too well, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately,” he admits, looking defeated, when he moves his eyes to Felix, looking rather sulky on the red seat in front of you as you chat with his roommate, when Jisung’s tone of voice changes into a more worried one, speaking up again, “does she… did you…?”

“Yeah,” Felix just nods. 

Jisung sighs, sitting down next to his roommate, pushing him a little so he has more space in the booth. “What are you supposed to tutor her anyway?” he asks.

“Biology,” you mumble sooner than Felix gets the chance to speak up, motioning to the textbook still sitting at the table in front of you. 

The boy takes a look at the papers, his face changing from a focused one to a one more lighter, his eyes scanning the papers with ease. You notice his mouth moving a little as he reads the words under his breath, catching yourself from staring when you feel Felix’s eyes burning into the crown of your head, snapping you back to reality. 

“You know… maybe I could help you with that.” he says, looking like a business offering you a deal that you’re sure involves something illegal. He looks like a focused squirrel with his cheeks puffed out a little in what you sense is pride, something in his eyes glowing as you nervously chew on your bottom lip.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m actually quite good at biology, to be honest. Well, not as much as Felix over here-” he jokes, scowling when the blonde boy punches his arm, “but I think I could tutor you a thing or two.”

“What’s the catch?” you ask, nervously watching him. Something in his composure is telling you he’ll want something in return, but you don’t know what yet. You’re quite sure you’ll sell your soul for the adorable boy in front of you if he asked you to, but it never hurts to ask beforehand, right? 

“What do you mean, what’s the catch?”

“Like… what do you want in return?” you muse out, taking a bite of a fry, noticing how soggy it feels under your teeth.

“Woah, you spend 15 minutes with Felix and you already think there’s something illegal behind everything? I’ll let you know, I’m better than that.” he scoffs. “I’m just doing it because I see how miserable you are. And I also don’t want you to tell on my buddie over here.” he adds, smiling warmly.

You take notice of the way Felix’s eyes grow twice their size and how Jisung’s knee lightly bumps into his under the table. It’s subtle, but you think that maybe this is when you fully fell for the short boy in front of you-- when he offered to save his best friend’s ass by helping out a lost girl with biology. And who are you to say no now? I mean, you need the tutoring nonetheless. Who cares if the boy tutoring you is someone else? Maybe it’s even more appealing to you this way, but you’ll never admit that out loud.

“Okay then, sure.” you nod, grinning from ear to ear, feeling satisfied.

“Great. Now, give me half the fries and we can arrange our next tutoring session,” he smiles, “oh, and I’m Han Jisung, by the way.”

He winks. 

You should be disturbed, but strangely, you’re not. You grin back at him, offering him the soggy fries you’re sure you’re going to give a really bad review in the evening, watching his composure change into a more laid-back one, engaging you in a conversation and slunging an arm around his best friend’s shoulders.

Lee Felix remains silent. He feels it once again-- he feels the loneliness of being left out. 

And he’s sure it won’t be the last time.

Lee Felix knows damn well how it feels to be the third wheel. He’s hung out with Jisung and his potential love interests multiple times, he’s even been on double dates with the said male, yet, he always somehow ends up being left out. So why does it still feel the same? Why does he still feel that restless feeling in his stomach, the emptiness in his chest, just like the first time? I guess you never get used to some things and emotions are one of them. No matter how much you argue that you know a feeling so well it doesn’t even surprise you anymore, it still hurts the same. That’s funny about emotions. Sometimes, they can’t even make you numb.

“Hurry up dude, the bistro closes in an hour and half!” Jisung rushes the taller male (not tall, just taller. Don’t misunderstand.) with his car keys in his hand, twirling them around his fingers in a nervous manner. Felix notices his roommate has put some effort into his outfit today, considering the lemon supreme shirt enveloping his body that he saves only for special occasions, yet, Felix doesn’t realise why he had to put it on when they’re literally just going out to eat some soggy fries in the bistro close to their house. He doesn’t ask, though. He doesn’t want the car key stuck in his forehead. He also doesn’t know why they have to rush so much, since they have an hour and half left before they close, but again, he doesn’t dare to say it out loud. 

Felix quickly puts his shoes on and rolls his eyes at his roommate. “I’m ready,” he announces.

Jisung swiftly takes a bottle of cologne from the table in their small hall (it’s so small they don’t even have a mirror in it, because there was no use in taking mirror selfies when all you can see on the picture is your phone case due to the fact that the room is too narrow for you to move further away) and sprays his body wit hit, efficiently confusing his roommate. “You wanna smell great for the waiter there? Because from what I remember, he was a stoner-”

“Oh, shut up. You never know when you’re gonna meet someone cute, am I right?” he asks, grinning from ear to ear like a cat, taking his backpack with him and opening the front door, “gotta look and smell presentable at all times.”

Felix wonders if this is why everyone always goes after his best friend. 

No, he thinks, it cannot be the cloud of cologne hanging around his body. It’s heavy and it makes Felix cough a little, but he tries to mask it, because he’s fairly sure Jisung won’t pay for his fries today if he doesn’t. And Felix is a simple man-- if he can get something for free, he will do anything to achieve it.

They arrive at the place in a few minutes and Felix can already feel his mouth watering at the thought of the salty fries and cheeseburger he’s going to get himself, joyfully skipping inside the bistro and waiting in the queue. Jisung follows him, standing next to him, efficiently covering the smell of the oil and all the good things on this earth-- read as fast food-- making Felix scowl. The boy behind the register, is, in fact, Na Jaemin-- the resident frat boy. Felix’s heard all about him from the girls staying at the dorms and to be honest, he’s quite glad he doesn’t have to live the stories of getting caught with weed at Jaemin's party on his own. That, and the fact that hot water runs in his apartment. Na Jemin might have the weed, but he surely doesn’t have that in his college dorm room. 

“Three milkshakes, two large fries, chicken wings and a cheeseburger, please.” Jisung orders, confusing Felix in one sentence. Since when is his best friend a bottomless pot for food? Is he really going to eat all of that?

“Coming right at you. Anything else?” Jaemin asks, voice considerate and polite, still turned on his customer service mode, even though Felix is sure him and Jisung have had shared a joint or two on one of his parties before.

“No, that’s all. Thanks, man,” Jisung answers, leaving with Felix right behind him. 

“Who’s gonna eat all of that? I hope you know you’re paying, and before you protest, yes, I did purposefully leave my wallet at home-” he rambles, still moving, when his train of thought is cut off by a person in his view.

You are sitting there in your full glory, smiling brightly at the boys approaching you. You’re dressed nicely, he notices-- you look like you put some effort into what you’re wearing. You don’t look that much different, but he can still see the slight changes you made to look neat. You’re glowing, Felix notices. You look excited.

“Hi, Y/N,” Jisung greets, taking a seat opposite of you. He doesn’t even give Felix an answer, he doesn’t even give him an explanation. He’s left there only to take a seat next to his roommate after collecting his thoughts, chewing on his bottom lip.

The conversation never moves his way. He is silenced. Felix wonders why he was even invited, watching the people behind the window laughing with their friends, happy to order some tasty food and have fun on this Thursday evening. He watches his friend and his classmate have fun-- well, as much fun as a tutoring session could be. You’re laughing at every single one of Jisung’s jokes and he swears Jisung’s eyes never leave your face, even when he’s explaining something to you. He wonders why Jisung didn’t tell him where they’re going. He wonders why he even had to come.

Lee Felix knows how third-wheeling feels. Yet, it still makes his little foolish heart hurt just the same every time.

You nervously chew on your bottom lip, cracking your knuckles in a habit your friends always scream at you for, waiting for your tutor-- well, he’s not really your tutor anymore-- to appear in the bistro on the other side of the town. You admire the decorations for a while, liking the way it looks modern here and the purple led lights make the whole place look aesthetic. You can already imagine multiple college kids going here and taking instagram pictures to look cool. It’s nice and you’ll definitely include it in your yelp review-- it won’t make it more stars, though, if the chicken wings don’t taste like heaven.

You tug on the sleeves on your hoodie, as if you were trying to make yourself disappear. I mean, you do feel embarrassing. You feel pathetic that it had to come down to this, but you guess desperate times call for desperate solutions. You’re not here to look put-together anymore. You’re going to show him your full glory and although you regret it a little, you still have a little spark of hope in you that Han Jisung-- the boy you, admittedly, were crashing on real hard right now, won’t find out.

Felix comes into the bistro in his full VSCO boy glory, as always. He is wearing a jean jacket and his freckled cheeks are dusted pink, you’d almost think he’s blushing all the time. He doesn’t quite fit the aesthetics of this futuristic looking bistro, you notice. The retro places you’ve been to so far fit him much more-- his sandy hair contrasted well with the yellow walls and red booths. It was starting to get a little repetitive, though, you must admit.

“Hi,” he greets you as he takes his seat, smiling at you with what you can only describe as a feeling of full uncomfort. You wonder what made him feel this way about you, but you don’t dare to think of it twice as you focus on the main quest of the day-- forcing him to teach you his ways.

“Hello,” you smile. 

Felix notices how natural you look-- it feels like now is the first time he’s seeing you in your full glory. You aren’t wearing your neat clothes for a meeting with Jisung and you’re not too casual like you were at your first ‘tutoring session’ either-- you’re just you. The way he doesn’t even see you in classes. He likes the fact that no one else than him can see you like this-- he likes the fact that Jisung is nowhere around, yet, he wonders why is that, exactly, since the two of you seemed to be hitting it off quite well so far.

Felix hasn’t been with Jisung when he last tutored you. He figured there’s no use, he’s going to get ignored all the time anyway. 

“So… what’s the matter?” he asks, folding his hands into his lap. He dares to take a quick look at you, noticing your worn-out shirt and dark circles under your eyes, worry washing over him. Did something happen? Was Jisung a jerk to you? 

“Well, I sort-of have a little problem,” you mumble out, tearing your gaze away from him. You seem shy for the first time in front of him and he wonders why. He doesn’t understand your sudden change of behaviour. This isn’t the you he’s used to. “Well, turns out, I am really stupid.” you propose, leaving Felix to gaze at you in surprise.

He chuckles. You swiftly look up at him with piercing eyes telling him to stop, and he almost does, but your face looks too adorable when it’s scrunched up like that, so he only giggles once more. “You’re not stupid.”

“I am!” you whine out, finally letting your whole shy facade fall, exposing the true you once again right in front of Felix’s eyes-- direct and fierceful. “Even Jisung’s tutoring isn’t helping and I feel so stupid with him! And I don’t want him to think that I’m stupid, even though I am, and I just… I can’t pass my exams like this, so I need your help.” you say, eyes big, looking almost pleading.

“And I am supposed to help… how? Exactly?” The confusion is written all over his face, and it almost makes you frustrated. You knew he must be smart, if his cheating has been so good he’s getting through college with straight As, but really, is he really that smart if he can’t read in between the lines?

“Help me cheat.” you quickly get out, biting down on your lower lip just as you say it, as if you were regretting it.

The silence that overtakes the two of you feels like it’s slowly going to eat you up alive, angrily biting into your skin. It feels heavy and suffocating, your palms sweating as you watch Felix blink at you with mouth agape, breathing in and out. You pray for him to make up his mind soon, or else you’re going to run out of the bistro without a yelp review, tearing the skin of your cuticles as you see him blink quickly a few times before shaking his head in disbelief, clearing his storage.

“You want me to help you cheat?” he asks for clarification, furrowing his brows at you.

“That’s correct.” you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. You haven’t been this nervous since you took your college entrance exams, and that shows a lot, considering you used to say that has been the most difficult experience of your life so far.

“Because Jisung…. isn’t tutoring you well enough?” he asks again, making you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Hey, don’t put the blame on Jisung! I’m just stupid, that’s all.” you say, looking down into your lap, because his gaze suddenly feels like he’s judging you and you really don’t feel like maintaining eye contact with him when you’re under pressure.

“If you don’t stop saying that, I will kick you.”

“You wouldn’t dare-”

“I would and I will-”

“Okay, but is that a yes, then?” you look up at him with hopeful eyes, resembling a puppy just a little too much, and, well, Felix can’t just reject you now, can he?

“I.. guess…?” he says, watching your face light up in joy as you clap a few times in excitement. 

“Great! Can we start today? We have to start today! I brought my text books and papers and sharpies and-” you are cut off by Felix’s face lighting up at the sight of you, his eyes looking warm and admiring. You quickly shake away the excitement before it goes too far and you actually go to hug him or something, taking a deep breath in and out to calm yourself down.

Just in that moment, the server appears with two servings of chicken wings and two large fries, making Felix look at you in confusion. 

“I ordered you food, since I thought we’ll stick around for a while..” you mumble, seeing him eagerly nod and take one fry into his hand, biting down on it with a face full of pleasure. 

“Perfect. Just let me eat a few of these and we can get right into work, I promise,” he mutters with a mouth full of food, prompting you to take a bite yourself. It doesn’t taste the worst-- the bistro you went to after prom last year was definitely worse than this, but still, you don’t think Felix’s face quite resembles how the food tastes. He looks as if the Queen of England made it. In reality, it’s just a soggy fry. 

“Why do you always order the same thing? Aren’t you tired of eating the same thing over and over again?” he asks suddenly, examining your face with real interest. No one’s ever noticed your eating habits before, just shrugging off what you order every single time. Your little fast food experiment has been a secret so far, even though it wasn’t that hard to cover it up-- nobody really cared until now. 

You feel blush creeping on your cheeks as you shrug, feeling a little embarrassed for like the hundredth time today, when you reply to the boy in front of you. You know his secret, so it only feels valid for him to know yours. “I have this experiment… like, I try chicken wings and fries at every single bistro, restaurant and fast food chain in the town to find out which one’s the best…” you mumble, looking into your plate instead of facing him out of the ugly feeling of patheticness creeping up your back.

“Oh, that’s cool!” he exclaims, pointing his fry your direction, a response you didn’t quite expect, “Where do they have the best ones so far?” he asks, genuine interest painting his features.

“Oh,” you get out, feeling your lips unvoliteraly tug into a smile, “I don’t.. I still have a few bistros and the McDonald’s on the highway out of the city left, but I’d say the best ones so far were at Wendy’s. I didn’t quite like the chicken wings there, though, so…”

“Hmm,” he nods, deep in thought, “we just get food at where’s the closest.” he says, munching on a chicken wing. “I guess we could pay a little more attention to the food from now on, because after eating this, I’m never going to eat the food from the bistro right in front of our flat again.”

“Yeah, that bistro’s really awful. I only gave it around 2.5 stars, I think-” you say, before you realise you just spilled out another secret to him, feeling your cheeks heating up. 

“2.5 stars? What, do you write yelp reviews or something?” he asks, clearly amused by your accidental spill-out.

“And what if I do?” you defend yourself, glaring at him with fake annoyance. No man will ever make fun of you because you write yelp reviews. Not Lee Felix, even though he seems too nice to actually make fun of you because of something, not anyone. 

“That’s cool, though! Those help so much when you travel,” he says, eagerly nodding at you with big eyes and an adorable grin plastered on his face, making you feel understood and happy with just the sudden sign of acceptance. Turns out your little weird obsession isn’t as embarrassing as you thought it was. Or Lee Felix really is the sweetest guy walking on this earth. Either one is fine in your books.

You stay there for a few hours and Felix teaches you the basic cheat codes-- never meet the teacher’s eye, never finish your tests too quickly, always forcefully pick the wrong option before scribbling it out and putting in a correct one to not seem too suspicious. He even takes a piece of paper from you and scribbles down the basic cheat-sheet making structure. 

He feels good with you. He feels useful. He knows he shouldn’t be teaching you this, but really, is it really doing any harm? We all have to go through college somehow.

Yet, all evenings always end the same for Felix, with a bad feeling in his gut and a fake smile on his face hiding the true meaning behind his actions. He’ll never be the first choice and you remind him even today, after you leave the ‘tutoring session’ with a quick hug to the male, lowering your voice so only he can hear when you pay him your goodbyes.

“Don’t tell Jisung, okay?”

Of course. It’s all because you don’t want to look embarrassing in front of his best friend.

It goes all how you planned it to-- you’re sitting at your next tutoring session with two males in front of you. One of them is your supposed tutor and one of them is a boy that’s helping you pass your exams for real. You’re into one of them, even though you shouldn’t. You wonder how you even ended up in this mess. You swear you were a good student in high school, always submitting your assignments on time and making sure your tests were on 100%. It was kind of fueling your ego, in a way. You had no other plans in your life to hold on to, no dreams to dream, so you reasoned to do the only thing that you were good at-- getting good grades. You had to prove to yourself that there was a reason, a meaning behind your life. You had to prove to yourself that your existence was valid.

You watch Jisung with interest. You pray to god that he doesn’t catch you in your act, because that would surely be embarrassing. You don’t want him to find out that you’re just fine with cheating, because that meant your tutoring sessions with the male would end and there was no other reason for you to see him. You knew Han Jisung wasn’t interested in you. You were sure you’d see it on him if he was. And even then, you weren’t interested in only a short relationship without any good point. You liked Jisung, but you didn’t like his reputation. One week wasn’t long enough for you to waste your time on him and get your heart broken. You weren’t sure if he was a player, or if he just wanted to desperately find the one by trying all the possibilities, but you weren’t going to find out. 

Felix watches you with interest in his eyes-- but you don’t notice. He prays that Jisung doesn’t find out about your secret little ‘tutoring sessions’, because that would mean he wouldn’t have a reason to hang out with you anymore. And Felix really doesn’t want that to happen. For some reason, he doesn’t want you to ever frown. And he’s sure that’s exactly what would happen if Jisung cancelled.

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening inside of his little, foolish heart when he sees you smile at Jisung and his stomach fills with worry. 

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening with him when every time Jisung subtly takes your hand in his makes his insides twitch in frustration. He thinks it’s just because of the fact that he’s third-wheeling again, like all his life, and maybe that is partly true, but it’s not the whole reason behind the cloud around his head.

It clicks only when him and his roommate are back home, sitting at the dinner table with the left-overs from the new bistro you three went to, munching on the chicken wings and another pack of soggy french fries and the cola they had in their fridge.

“So… what do you think about Y/N?” Jisung asks suddenly, making Felix furrow his brows in confusion.

“What should I think? She’s smart, I guess…” he mumbles, mouth full of food, not quite grasping the full meaning of his roommate’s question. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung quickly nods in approval, “she’s getting really good. I mean, you can still see she’s having some troubles when I’m tutoring her, but at least she always gets good grades on tests now,” he says, biting down on another piece of chicken wing. Felix feels a wave of pride wash over him after hearing the words-- of course you’re doing well on exams. It’s all Felix’s doing. You’re a quick learner, when it comes to cheating. 

“Yeah, she’s good,” he says. 

“Well,” Jisung suddenly starts, meaning to sound nonchalantly, but only sounding like he’s determining his biggest life secret in front of his friend instead, “I like her.”

Felix almost chokes on the piece of chicken in his mouth, trying to play it off with a small chuckle. “Oh? You do?”

“Yeah. Should I.. Should I ask her on a date or something?” he asks and Felix swears he can see his friend’s cheeks reddening a little, even though the last time he’s seen Jisung embarrassed was when he accidentally called their Math’s teacher mum in eleventh grade. 

“You don’t date, though,” Felix opposes.

“That’s not true-”

“Two weeks long relationships aren’t relationships, Jisung.” 

“Not my fault they’re never the one! It gets boring after a while, Felix, I can’t just-”

“Why are you even asking me this?” Felix suddenly cuts him off, glaring at him. He doesn’t know why he’s reacting in such a way. It’s not like it’s the first time Jisung is going to date someone for two weeks just to break their heart, it’s not the first time they’re going to run after Felix a week after just so they can still be around the one that broke their heart. This time, though, he does not want to see another heart get broken.

“Jesus, chill, man… I was just asking, since you two seem closer. Did she mention anything about me? Is she dating anyone?” Jisung asks, eyes lighting up.

Felix could be an asshole. He could tell Jisung that you’re already dating someone, he could tell him to back off and that you’re not interested. However, he does not do that. Instead, he does the quite opposite. He pushes his best friend into asking you out, he tells him he should try it, because that’s just the kind of person he is. Besides, he knows you’re into him. Maybe the smile on your face could make him forget about the fact that you’re going to get your heart broken. 

“Sure, go for it.” he shrugs, “I don’t really care anyway.”

“Fine, then-”

“I’m gonna shower.” Felix says, quickly standing up from his chair and moving to the bathroom, quickly escaping the conversation.

Only then he realises what he feeling in his gut means, only then he notices the way his sigh feels like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders and he can’t breathe any time you’re around Han Jisung. 

He realises he likes you. 

And clearly, you don’t like him back.

Emotions are something you never quite get used to. Even the emotion of feeling rejection, the emotion of always being behind his best friend’s shadow. Lee Felix is always just the friend. Never the love interest. This time, though, it feels even more heavy, because in a way, you seem way more special in his eyes than the people that went after him just to get with his best friend.

This time, he does not want to see another heart get broken. Because it’s your heart we’re talking about.

And to prevent his heart shattering to even more pieces, he has to do something.

He has to stop liking you.

As soon as possible.

“Y/N?” 

“Mhhm?” you ask, raising your eyes up from the cheat sheet you’re creating with Felix’s help, the grease of the fries you’re eating glistening on your chin. You’re with him in a yet another crappy bistro, trying yet another soggy fries, and even though there’s nothing special on you to a stranger’s eye, Felix’s heart can’t help but run twice the speed of light. 

“How do you stop liking someone?” he mumbles, furrowing his brows a little, deep in thought. 

“Oh, do you like someone?” you ask, and Felix momentarily lights up at the thought of you caring if he’s interested in someone, but when his eyes meet yours and he notices them glistening and lightening up in curiosity, he realises it’s just because you’re happy for him. As a good friend should be. 

“No, no,” he quickly shakes his head in disapproval, snickering to himself, “I’m just asking. Because, think, what if, hypothetically, there’s someone who is into someone else. Easy, right? But what if their best friend likes the same person? And you know you shouldn’t like them because they’re into their friend as well? What is there to do at that point?” 

You scan his face for a few seconds, thinking to yourself. “Hmm,” you start, “I guess you have to start hating them. So the feelings disappear.” you nod, satisfied with your answer.

“How’s that possible?” he asks, scoffing.

“Well, I don’t know, since it’s all hypothetical anyway,” you giggle, focusing back on your cheat sheet. Your notes are getting smaller and smaller and Felix notices the improvement in your small lettering, making your cheat sheet less noticeable. You’re learning quickly.

“Oh come on,” he whines, kicking your leg under the table, “talk to me. How can a person start hating someone? Give me a tutorial.” 

“Well, since you really need to know,” you roll your eyes, putting away the pen from your hand and resting your back against the seat of the booth, “there are a few steps you can take.”

“For example?”

“Well, you have to stop hanging out with them, first thing’s first.” you start. “Because if you don’t hang out with them, you will eventually hate the fact that they’re not near, which will, logically, make you hate them instead.”

“Is that really logical, though?” Felix asks, furrowing his brows at you. In his books, this made no sense at all, but you seemed pretty satisfied with your answer.

“Of course it is! Then, you have to find something about them that you can hate. Anything. Find even the smallest thing, and blow it up in your mind until you hate it. Easy, right?” 

“...I don’t think that’s helping at all,” he says, tone of voice unsure. 

“Of course it is! You’re just refusing that it can be true, because you think I’m stupid.” you stick out his tongue at him, focusing on your work instead.

He kicks you under the table, making you scowl. “Ow! What was that for?”

“I told you that if you’ll make that comment again, I will kick you. So I just did right that.” he says. “Besides, your ideas are stupid. Not you. There’s a difference in that.” he smartly points out, making you roll your eyes at him.

“So, who is it that you like?”

“No one. I told you, it’s hypothetical.” he glares at you.

“Right,” you nod, sighing, “well, I’ll just stick to that, since that means Jisung doesn’t like anyone and I still have a chance.” you smile at him, obviously missing out on the way your words just punched him into the gut. Felix laughs it out, kicking you in the shin instead.

“Right. Of course you do,” he nods. He wishes he didn’t mean that.

You two remain in silence for a moment, while you get back to your work and Felix pretends he’s playing a game on his phone. You don’t notice the way his eyes scan you over, admiring you, once in a while. No one ever does. He guesses this is the perk of always being just the friend. The one people are friends with just because they want something from him. The one that gets taken advantage of. He chooses not to think about it more. Maybe if he did, he could hate you over it, if he wasn’t so used to that feeling anyway. 

“We should hang out on the weekend,” you say, taking him by surprise.

“Oh?” he mumbles out, “with Jisung?”

“No?” you furrow your brows, “look, I know I look like I’m obsessed with him, but I actually just want to hang out with you alone as friends once in a while, you know.”

“We’re hanging out now, though.”

“It’s midnight, Felix,” you point out, “and we’re working. I want to hang out with my friend, like a normal person, you know.” you shrug.

“Yeah…” he says, when your words resonate in his mind like a broken curse. ‘Don’t hang out with them.’ Don’t hang out with her. You have to hate her. He has to start hating you-- there’s no other way. And so, he turns to taking your words into consideration. He can’t meet with you if he’s not ‘tutoring’ you. There’s no way. “We’ll see. I’ll tell you if I’m free.” he smiles warmly instead, because truth be told, he’ll never tell you no to your eyes. He’s always been a bit of a coward. And he also doesn’t want you to frown. Ever.

“Great!” you smile. 

And when Felix comes home that night, at 2am in the morning when his roommate is already asleep-- not knowing of your secret meetings, he lays down in his bed and repeats your advice like a broken mantra. He can’t like you. He has to hate you.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. Only meet her when it’s necessary. If you don’t meet her, you’ll start hating her absence, resulting in hating her altogether. 2. Find a small thing about her to blow up so much you start to hate it. 

That’s not difficult. He hates that you like Han Jisung. It’s a small mistake, a small flaw, but he’s ready to blow it up so much he hates you for it. He hates that he’s not the first choice. He hates that you don’t like him.

Maybe he would hate you more if you were dating his best friend for real.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. 2. Find a thing to hate about her. SUCCESS! 3. Set her up with Han Jisung.

Now, this plan is bulletproof, isn’t it?

Felix unexpectedly breaks the first step of his guide only a few days later-- on a chilly friday afternoon, when his body is hurriedly skipping to the edge of the town centre only to meet with you. Just for the record, though, Felix didn’t intend to break the promise he gave to himself. He really wasn’t going to hang out with you if he didn’t specifically need to, but, well… you called Jisung to hang out. Felix’s heart almost skipped a few beats when he was added to a three-person big group chat with you and his roommate and at that point, he wasn’t going to reject an invitation to the fare in town, because he was fairly sure Jisung didn’t like rollercoasters and he wanted to see you laugh your ass off at him in front of everyone. Is it a little spiteful? Possibly. Does he care? Not that much.

Besides, it’s only one time. It will never happen again!!

He finds you with your black leather jacket on, stepping from one leg to the other, looking around like a lost puppy. Felix mentally curses at himself for not coming sooner so you wouldn’t feel so alone and awkward in the mass of people, when he realises he’s already 15 minutes late because of his afternoon class and his roommate is nowhere to be found.

“Thank god! I thought you were going to bail on me as well,” you call out when Felix is close enough, smiling at him.

“Where’s Jisung?”

“He texted me like 5 minutes ago that he can’t make it today. Something about his mum being in town? I’m not sure,” you furrow your brows, “at least you’re here now, though.”

Felix is met with the realisation that he’s left alone with you again, mentally cursing at himself. This surely does not look like a plan to hating you. It looks like a bullet-proof plan on how to fall even deeper for you, with how your stray hairs are flying around your head and you adorably scrunch up your nose and sniffle from the cold. 

“Should we go?” he forces out of himself, looking at you hopefully.

“Yeah!” you nod, striding a few steps in front of him like a happy school girl excited to go to school for the first time. Felix can’t surpass the gentle smile forming on his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. You look so cheerful and so joyful, making his heart swell with how easily you manage to make him feel so young again. 

He follows you gladly, managing to match his speed with yours, almost forgetting for a moment that he’s not on a date with you, almost forgetting about the fact that you like his best friend and the smile you’re giving him is nothing against the wide grin you offer to his roommate.

“Let’s go on that one!” you cheer, taking Felix by the hand and tugging him your way, not once giving him the opportunity of letting go as you drag him all around the fare. You remind him of his younger sister with how excited you get about the smallest things and he realises he wants to protect your heart from the world just as much as he wants to protect his little sister’s. It’s not the same feeling, though. The affection he feels for you is different. 

Felix doesn’t find it in him to tell you no whenever you tug him on another ride, even when his legs are tired and his jaw hurts from smiling. He finds himself wanting to capture your image into his brain forever, imprint the happy memory in there so he can find it and look at it whenever his heart feels lonely. For the first time in ages, he forgets about everything. He forgets that he’s just the friend, the other choice. He completely forgets that Han Jisung was supposed to be there, at his place, sitting next to you on the ferris wheel as you watch the night city under you with cold cheeks and frozen bodies.

“You must be sad that Jisung isn’t here with you right now. That would surely feel much more romantic than sitting here with me,” Felix says bitterly once the reality hits him for a second, once his heart is unsheltered for a short moment and your eyes meet.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” you roll your eyes, “Jisung can’t be romantic. Besides, if I really wanted a date with him so badly, I wouldn’t have asked you to come with us, would I?” you smile at him, swinging your legs forward and backward, focusing your eyes somewhere into the distance again.

“Well, if you really want to go on a date with him, you can just ask him, you know?” he mumbles, playing with the dead skin on his thumb.

“So he can stand me up and go on a date with his mum again? I don’t know, Felix, is that really worth it?” you giggle, not noticing the way you’re messing with the boy’s head, not noticing the way a small spark of hope lights up somewhere in the deep pits of his stomach when you mention not wanting to ask his best friend out. 

“I don’t know, is it?”

“I’ll have to think about it.” you muse out, and the spark is gone. Of course it’s not that simple. 

Felix just nods and grins at you. The chilly air helps him hide his red cheeks when he thinks of how embarrassing his thoughts must have been in the past quick seconds. He focuses on your face, on the way your eyes crinkle up a little when you stare somewhere far into the distance and your hair flies a little with the breeze. The ferris wheel just reached the top, so he has plenty of time to keep admiring you from so close, but somehow, the moment still feels so short and he wishes he could stop the time. He wishes he could stop the time so he didn’t have to face the reality when he comes down from the ferris wheel. He wishes he didn’t have to see you fall in love with his friend, he wishes he didn’t have to act like he doesn’t care at all. 

“Thanks for helping me, by the way. I wouldn’t have passed my exams if it wasn’t for you and that… that would be really hard on me.” you get out, locking your eyes with his sincerely. He sees your eyes shining even so high above the ground, convincing him the sparkles really must be the stars, when he takes a deep breath in and responds.

“It’s no problem, I get it… I mean, it’s what you gotta do. What we gotta do, when we want to pass. And graduate,” he chuckles. 

Does he really want the degree, though? Or does he just need it to feel like he has some worth? Does he want to graduate or does he just want his parents to value him as an adult, does he really want to continue working so hard on passing or would he just be so much happier if he just dropped out. And saved himself so much stress. He should have known he was never smart enough for college.

“Yeah. I despise the smart kids in our class. I wish I were them,” you scoff, “I despise Jisung, in a way, too,” you add after a dramatic pause.

“Jisung?” Felix furrows his brows.

“Yeah,” you nod, like it’s the clearest thing in the world, “I mean, he’s smart enough to pass. He’s… he’s got his life figured out, in a way. He’s just fine. Getting all the girls and the guys, getting good grades, going on dinner dates with his mum on Fridays,” you giggle, “I mean, I want that. That sounds nice.”

Felix huffs, staring into the distance, “I guess you’re right.” He knows damn well how jealousy feels. 

“I came to college to prove to myself that my life has some worth, but I guess the only thing I prove to myself is that I can’t even pass my exams without help.” you sigh, sounding defeated.

“Hey,” he nudges you a little with his foot, “don’t say that. Life isn’t about grades, degrees and that shit. Of course you have worth and value.” 

He sees you smile in defeat, leaning your head on his shoulder. The feeling of acceptance, pure understanding washes over the two of you, when you gently speak up again. “Try to explain that to my brain.” 

He lightly giggles. “I’m trying, as you can see.”

You look up at him from his shoulder, scrunching up your nose and leaning closer to him, whispering. “It’s not working.” you laugh.

“I know it’s not easy,” he shakes his head, “I’ve been trying to tell that to my family for the past 21 years.” he slips out. Something about you makes him spill out even things he’s never told anyone before, but he finds himself not caring as you approach his eyes with pure serenity mixed with melancholy.

“Is it all because of your parents?” you ask, “the cheating, I mean.”

Felix feels his eyes giving him out, so he chooses not to look at you anymore. “I mean, I would have dropped out long ago if I didn’t have to feel so worthless around my family then. Every single one of my cousins is smart, has a degree and earns a killing. I’m just me-- living from the money I earned over summer, trying not to lose my mind with biology.”

He hears you humming next to him, your head moving as you nod in understatement. The ferris wheel is slowly reaching the bottom again and Felix finds the fact quite relieving. He doesn’t mind having deep talks with you, he just fears he might spill out something both of you don’t want to hear.

“I’m glad you came with me today, Lix.” you smile at him once the two of you reach the bottom, “wanna hear a secret?”

“Spill it out,” he dares you, grinning.

“I only invited Jisung because I thought you didn’t want to hang out with me alone.” you confess, quickly turning around in your spot as you jog a few steps in front of him, carelessly, as if you just didn’t make Felix’s heart stop and insides twitch in excitement. He prays and hopes it’s not just you giving him false hope, he wishes it’s not his mind playing tricks on him. 

“I-” 

“And now that I know you don’t mind being around me, do you wanna go to the dog cafe with me next Wednesday? You know, the one I talked about.” you turn around, flashing him a smile worth a billion dollars, taking him by surprise as his breathing hitches and he doesn’t find it in him to reject you ever again.

“Sure.”

Second step of Lee Felix’s guide to helping you: find a small thing about you he doesn’t like to blow up so much he starts hating you altogether. 

He was so sure that he found the small thing just a few days ago. He thought that the fact that you like his best friend could be enough for him to start hating you. He could sit on that thought for long enough to pick it up to the smallest pieces and over-analyse it to the point he could start hating you. 

And he tries to do just that-- he lies awake at night thinking of how every single person he’s ever been interested in slipped right between his fingers just because of Jisung’s existence. He wonders why he’s never good enough to anyone, why he always has to be the second choice even for tutoring (even though it’s not even tutoring, but we won’t talk about that anymore). He thinks of how you’re so foolish to think your relationship with Jisung is going to last, because Jisung’s feelings never stay the same for long. He over-analyses the smallest things he notices on you when you’re in Jisung’s presence until the point he’s almost sure he can do it, he can hate you for it just a little, in a way, but then, the thought flies right out of the open window as his roommate crashes into his door in the middle of the night.

He startles awake, sitting up at his bed, watching the short male going in with much difficulty, sitting on his bed without a word.

“Jisung?”

“Lixie, I fucked it all up, didn’t I?” Jisung whines, laying down on the bed next to his friend. Felix doesn’t think it’s only due to the late hours of the night that his friend’s words aren’t making any sense, but he doesn’t dare to put his finger on it until he makes sure for himself.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N.”

Your name coming out of his lips hits Felix like a baseball bat, hurting in all the right places, as the young male finds it in him to continue the conversation.

“What about her?”

“She asked us to hang out together. And I didn’t go. I know it wasn’t my fault, because my mum was in the town, but still, I feel so bad, because now it must look like I’m not interested in her and that I don’t care and I really don’t want that, you know?” he stummers, making Felix realise his friend talks a lot when he’s under the influence of alcohol just the same second Jisung’s breath catches in Felix’s nose, only proving his point. 

“You didn’t fuck it up, don’t worry.” he muses. And it’s true. Jisung could never truly fuck it up with anyone. Even his exes always crumble up around his feet, wanting attention even after getting their heart broken. Will it be the same with you?

“She must think I don’t like her. And that’s horrible-that’s- that’s- I like her. Very much,” he whines again, getting closer to Felix and wrapping his arms around the blonde’s torso in a wave of affection that only washes over him when he’s drunk.

“Sung-” he stutters, desperately trying to push him away, but even though Jisung doesn’t look like it, he is a strong individual when it comes to involuntary cuddling. Felix can never escape his arms.

“I think she’s special, you know? She’s like- I can’t explain it. It’s like with her, I actually want to try. I want to ask her on dates and love her and give her my heart, because you know, I never dared to give my heart to anyone. And no one’s ever made me feel truly special before…” he mutters, forcing his nose to Felix’s neck, “I’m rambling too much, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” Felix sighs, nodding. He doesn’t battle his arms anymore. Jisung is his friend, at the end of the day. He can hold him when he needs it.

“Sorry.” he says shortly, sighing as well. The room falls into silence and Felix’s head spins again, his thoughts spiral like a tornado and the eye of the storm is you-- standing there with that stupid smile on your face and he once again realises that he needs to hate you in order to shelter his own heart, because you’re like a hurricane when it comes a to a person’s emotions.

The fact is, though, he could never hate you for liking his best friend. 

Han Jisung is too likable for his own good. His heart is too big for this world, and truth be told, he’s been sharing it with everyone for such a long time now, he deserves to find someone he’s willing to give his all to. 

He could never hate you for liking Jisung-- the boy who smiles at everyone in the halls, the boy that offered him to live in the flat his parent’s bought for him in freshman year, the boy that helps him hide his cheating secret every day. He could never hate you for liking Jisung, because he himself knows too well how much of a treasure his dear friend is. 

He gets it. He gets why people always choose Jisung over him. He could never blame you.

“Sung?”

“Hmm?”

“Ask Y/N out to the dog cafe on Wednesday. She'll love it.”

Felix could never hate you.

Step three of Felix’s bullet-proof guide to hating you is quite simple and actually the only one he completes with success. Setting you up with Jisung on a date is easier than he ever imagined, considering the fact that his roommate decided to finally take things into his own hands and call you on a date after the drunken weeping episode in Felix’s bed. 

Jisung invites you on a date to the dog café in town. The two of you go on Wednesday and although Felix feels like he just gave his roommate a piece of him, an invitation that was never meant for him in the first place, he feels at ease, because at least one part of his plan is working. He could never hate you, but at least now, it will be easier for him to ignore his growing feelings for you when you spend all your time with Jisung on dates and ice cream runs. He only has to ignore his feelings in school and at your ‘tutoring’ sessions. He wonders how long these will be a secret in front of your new boyfriend. Jisung’s not your boyfriend yet, but Felix can only imagine how short the time he isn’t is going to last. 

Felix does the stupid mistake of opening the instagram app in the evening, when he’s curled up in his bed with an embarrassingly big bowl of popcorn on his bed side table, serving him as his depression food. He sees your post show up, an adorable picture of you from the dog café, a big golden retriever in your lap as you giggle at its face. The picture is candid and looks like the kind Felix would like to keep as his lock screen if he had the chance. He’s sure his best friend took it for you not only from the fact that you went out with him tonight, but also for the fact that he’s tagged in the post’s description with a big blue heart emoji. 

He could stop staring at the picture if he really wanted, he could mute your posts and pretend you never existed to shelter his poor heart. He could do everything in his strength to cut all his ties with you. That would make it so much easier for him, wouldn’t it?

But he doesn't. And maybe he doesn’t even want to-- he’s used to the pain anyway, isn’t he? The bitterness, the feeling of being pushed away, ignored and left forgotten. 

He was supposed to be in Jisung’s place now, but that doesn’t change the simple fact that he isn’t-- maybe it was never his place to claim anyway. 

Felix stares at the picture for minutes, wondering of how things could be if you only didn’t fall for his best friend. Or if he came with you today. Who knows, maybe it wasn’t too late for him to ask you on a date. Maybe he could still change your mind. Felix likes to give up on things too quickly, though, and that is the curse that will follow him his whole life. 

Lee Felix is good at cheating. He is insanely good at it, he would also say it’s the only thing he’s ever been good at. Pretending.

It’s his time to shine again. It’s time to pretend he doesn’t like you, pretend you don’t hurt him, pretend he isn’t in love with his best friend’s crush. He’s been always the best at cheating and now it’s time to cheat his way out of liking you. 

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

“You must be really hungry, if you’re planning to eat all of that in one setting,” Felix mumbles, watching you as you eat yet another plate of chicken wings in yet another pointless bistro in town. Felix wonders how you even know about all of these, since the one you’re both sitting in right now, in the middle of the night, looks rather lonely. It doesn’t even seem that welcoming-- it has graffiti on the walls and the seats are a little torn on the edges, but you don’t seem to care as you munch on the chicken, eyes big when you stare back at your companion.

“I eat a lot when I’m stressed,” you mutter in between your bites, mouth full. You look natural like this and Felix realises this is you in his mind-- cheeks full of food, that little wrinkle in between your brows when you look at him, eyes staring big into his like a loyal dog. This is how he knows you, in your rawest form, and this is coincidentally, also, how he likes you the most. He loves and treasures every single version of you, but your late-night meetings feel of different kind of intimacy to him that he’s sure he’s going to think of even when he’s old and his college years are dusty like an old polaroid picture.  

“Stressed?” he asks, tone of voice a little more worried than usual. Felix always worries about you. Even when you quietly take out your cheat sheet from under the table and write your answers down. He doesn’t fear being caught-- he frankly doesn’t care that much, but he knows that you are having a battle with yourself and he really doesn’t want you to feel like you lost. He didn’t know it was so easy to put someone else first when you worry for the future. 

“The finals are coming up.” you clarify, the words coming out a little bashful and smitten.

“Oh.” he nods. 

You’re both quiet for a while. It would be cheesy to say the silence was comfortable, and Felix knows, he’s seen enough teenage dramas to know these words are used in situations like this, but the truth is, there’s no other way to describe it, and he understands that now. Your determination shines through all your edges and he’s glad you’re doing what you can with the resources you have. You’re not exactly studying for your Biology finals, but it’s still as hard and as stressful as that. It can feel a little embarrassing at times, but there’s no other way around it. You have to battle your enemy, even if it means the game is not fair.

“And those chicken wings are fucking good, dude,” you mutter after a while, offering him one of the paper baskets the server brought you a few minutes ago, looking rather stoned and not interested in your presence at all.

“Don’t tell me this rotten place is winning your chicken wings and fries contest,” Felix snickers, taking a bite that, to his surprise, actually tastes the best out of the amount of fast food chains and restaurants you’ve brought him to. You should never judge a book by its cover and this bistro is clearly one of the examples.

“I have only one place left to go, so we’ll see then, but I guess it might just be the top place right now,” you muse out, a wide grin decorating your features as you glance up at Felix that watches you scribble down your notes on a mini piece of paper.

“Wanna go with me there? After the finals, of course. We can celebrate if we pass,” you point out, licking your lips in nerves, “I don’t think I’ll need these ‘tutoring sessions’ anymore then, but I still want to hang out sometime.” you say, putting air quotes around the words tutoring session, looking at him with expectations in your eyes.

“Oh, sure,” he agrees, nodding. “I have to be there when you finally declare your last yelp review.”

You only laugh at him and shake your head, eating some more as you look down into your notes again, lost in work. “I still don’t get how you can do these so fast.”

“I already know what’s the most useful. You don’t have to copy the whole textbook on there.”

“You can never know! What if I’ll need it all?” you exclaim, only making him laugh harder.

He points his eyes out of the window, watching the empty parking lot. You didn’t come in your car today, telling Felix your house is close anyway, and Felix doesn’t dare to drive his car anywhere unless he doesn’t need to. He has a little bit of a trauma since the last time he drove with his dad and he almost ran the car into a tree, getting a shower of swear words and exclamations from his dear father, so he only drives his small white Renault when he needs to go home. Which is, coincidentally, next week. 

“I really don’t want to go home next week,” he sighs.

“Your family is still onto you for the smallest shit?” you ask, tone of voice sympathetic.

“Yeah. Can’t wait to graduate so I don’t have to listen to them talking about a degree anymore,” he rolls his eyes, “I only have to find myself a partner so my grandma can shut up about me being single all the time.”

You softly laugh, making Felix look at you for a moment, his heart skipping a few beats when your eyes meet for a little more seconds than usual. “I’m sorry. You can always text me, though, if you need anyone to talk or gossip with.” you say, averting your eyes from his.

“You’d have to be on your phone 24/7, then. My mental stability comes down by 70% when I’m back home and it’s already only on 15% now,” Felix snickers.

“Oh, I don’t mind. I’ll be staying here anyway.” you say, giggling.

“You’re not coming back home?”

“No,” you shake your head in disapproval, quickly glancing into his eyes before speaking up again, “it’s my parent’s wedding anniversary, so they’re going on a holiday. There’s no use in me coming home if I’m just going to be alone there anyway,” you shrug.

Felix hums, nodding in understatement. “That makes sense. I’m sorry you can’t meet your family on holidays, though.”

“It’s okay,” you say, “I see them often anyway. One Christmas won’t kill me. I have a whole season of Game of thrones to catch up on anyway.” you light-heartedly laugh, sounding like Felix’s favorite song. He smiles with you, shaking his head in disbelief at how positively you can always see the world, when he glances out of the window for a moment again, only to be met with a surprise. 

There are white flakes of snow falling from the sky and something in Felix wakes up-- something he’d call happiness, maybe even joy, when he quickly shoots up from his seat and calls you with excitement coating his voice, “Y/N! Y/N! Come on!”

“Come where? Felix, what are you-” 

He doesn’t let you finish as he takes you by the hand and tugs you on your feet, tugging you out of the empty bistro out into the dark parking lot, admiring the snowflakes falling onto the ground and every surface in his sight. He sees some stick into your hair, making him giggle as his outstretched hand dusts them off subconsciously, when he starts running around like a happy child, laughter coming out of his throat filling the silence.

“It’s snowing!” you exclaim, when Felix reaches your body frozen in its place again. He reminds you of a golden retriever when he jumps a little in his place, his feet happily crouching in the snow. You laugh at his antics when he starts acting like a little boy, this side of Felix being so new to you, yet you can’t help but feel your heart swell with admiration when he asks you to catch some snow into your mouth.

“Felix! That’s disgusting!” you refuse, laughing.

“Oh come on! It’s just water!” he cheers, leaning his head back and opening his mouth wide, waiting for the snow to fall into his mouth. 

“But it’s unhygienic and dirty! You have to be kidding me!” you still reject his idea, standing your ground firmly as always in your life so far, when a face of a boy looking like an angel takes you by surprise and his big eyes plead you in a way that makes you drop all your grudges and all your beliefs down, rolling your eyes when he pouts, leaning your head back as well and opening your mouth with a loud ‘aaaa’ sound to satisfy his foolish heart.

Once you both feel a snowflake hitting your tongues, you look at each other with your tongues out, laughing at how stupid the other one looks, pointing to your tongues. You shake your head. “It melted off, you stupid!”

“You did the same thing!” he bursts out laughing, bending over in the force of his emotions. You watch him with a wide grin plastered onto your face. It feels like watching a movie. You don’t think you’ll ever have a brighter memory with the boy in front of you, with his cheeks red from the snow and smile so wide it hurts both of your jaws.

You instinctively take his hands into yours, looking down on your feet as you start going around in a circle with him, going quicker and quicker as you watch your footprints in the snow mixing with his, the dry skin of his hands making you feel strange. You laugh out when your head starts spinning, looking up at him to find him already staring at you with stars in his eyes, when you wonder,

isn’t this how love is supposed to feel?

All of his life, Felix had thought that family gatherings could always either go two ways, and that is: 1) a normal, boring meet-ups where your grandma asks about how school’s going, when you’re going to finally find a partner and another one of your cousin’s announces their engagement party, or 2) the actual engagement parties-- every single family member including the senile grandma from mum’s side gets drunk and you don’t have to think about more fake reasons why you have yet to lose your virginity.

You see, Felix is wrong in a lot of things. And this was surely one of them-- it’s the December 27th and he’s sitting in his grandma’s old kitchen, the wind blowing through the cracks of her window and the sweets on the table have already melted from the heat being too high, because his aunt is always cold and they can’t compromise. That sounds fine, even usual, Felix would say, however, the fire lights up a few moments later when his head starts to hurt from all the talking and he begins to dissociate a little too much, meaning that his grandma now has to shift her attention from all of his other relatives to him, because how dare he stay quiet on a family gathering where he has nothing to add to the conversation, right?

It starts off as usual, the answers to these questions digged deep into Felix’s brain since the first year of college. He doesn’t even bat an eye when he answers the questions directed at his studies and grades, telling all of his interested relatives that he’s working hard and it’s paying off. Nobody complains or disagrees-- his grades are awesome. His degree is here soon. Felix almost thinks he’s over with when his grandma laughs at a poor joke that comes out of his mouth, but that was only a bad prediction as he moves on to questions about his love life, which are, believe me or not, much more boring and much more ego-hurting for the blonde.

“Do you have a girlfriend yet, Felix?” she asks, tone of voice sounding rather interested, but don’t believe her-- it’s only an act. She’s ready to laugh into his face when he gives her the answer she’s hoping for.

“No, not yet, grandma,” he mumbles, averting his eyes from her wrinkley face as soon as possible. He really doesn’t need to look at her any longer to know she’s silently judging him on the inside, because that’s just how his grandmother is. 

“That’s such a shame… I wonder why… You’re such a pretty young boy, aren’t you?” she mutters under her nose, tone almost whiney, “what about your roommate? Jisung, was it?”

Felix takes a deep breath in, closing his eyes for a second to calm his rising heart beat. He could have predicted questions like this coming, because the conversation always somehow diverted to his roommate even when he was at home with his family. It’s crazy, how everyone just seems to adore Jisung much more than their own family member. 

“He’s.. Yeah. He’s always with someone, you know him. Not now, though, now he’s single,” Felix nods, explaining.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll find someone soon,” she admits, “he’s such a gentleman. And so handsome as well, isn’t he?” she asks, his aunt from her right side nodding quickly at the mention of Han Jisung. 

“He always has so many people around him, he’s so charming. If only you were more like him, maybe then someone would date you as well,” his grandma says calmly, not even noticing the way her words cut deeper and deeper into Felix’s heart, kicking him and punching him like a boxing bag, “you should try to be more like him.”

Felix bites down on his lower lip, rolling his eyes. Frustration coats his voice once he speaks up, the built-up anger living inside of him like an animal kept well in its cage. He doesn’t want to let it out, because he fears what it might do once it’s free, but he still retorts to a dig addressed to his grandma, huffing in annoyance. “Should I send Jisung home instead of me next time?”

“Oh no, Felix, what are you even saying right now?” his grandma looks rather offended, eyes twice their usual size as she glares at him.

“Well, since you like him so much.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I was just saying that-”

“Leave it.” Felix says. 

The atmosphere is too heavy now, all eyes on him as if he was in a circus, watching him just moments before his breaking. He realises he no longer feels welcome in this place and maybe he never did, he just chose to ignore it by now, because that’s what he always does when a problem appears-- he chooses ignorance. Ignorance is Felix’s best friend, and although it may sound like he’s running away from his problems all the time, it’s always worked so far. He’s just protecting his heart, building walls around it. 

He doesn’t want to fight. He hates conflict. So, even though he’d like to snap, even though he’d like to leash out like an animal, he doesn’t. He steps back-- as he always does, taking the car keys from the table and escaping the house, hearing the calls of his mother after him. He doesn’t bother to say goodbye, he doesn’t even bother to look back nor take the Christmas gifts his grandma brought for everyone. 

He sits into the small white Renault he drives once a year when he comes back home, starts the engine and speeds up to the limit, driving away from all of his problems. He doesn’t want to hear their complaints, he doesn’t want to listen. It’s the best this way. He wants to ignore the words that came out of his grandma’s mouth, but he can’t find it in him as he hears them resonate in his head over and over again. 

He’s the second choice even in his own family. He’s a joke to everyone, isn’t he? Just the side character, the one that never gets the spotlight. It hurts, it hurts him so much, but he pays no attention to his blurry vision, because even though he’s fairly sure no one from his family would miss him, he doesn’t want to drive off the road and kill himself with his escape.

He parks the car in front of his and Jisung’s flat after a few hours. He’s fairly good at it, considering he never drives, and mentally puts up a middle finger to his dad in his head for screaming at him so much. He was in a much calmer headspace when he was driving with his dad than he was now, yet, he didn’t manage to drive anyone over. 

Putting his feet into the cold, empty apartment, turning the heating on and plopping down on the sofa, he once again realises how lonely it feels. Not only because of the feeling of abandonment the dark flat resonates, but also due to the fact that it truly feels like now, he’s all alone in this world. The silence screams louder than any words ever could, his ears lowly ringing without any sound in the small room, which makes him wonder if he’s truly the only one that has to spend his holidays pretty much alone. Maybe it’s his fault that he’s fucked it up with his family, who knows-- but that’s a topic for another overthinking session of his, when he decides to let it go once his eyes meet the snow silently falling down behind the window. 

The dark mixed with the white balls of fluff in the air remind him of you. Your bubbly laugh, the feeling of your skin on his when you held his hands and danced around with him in the snow. He feels a smile growing on his face, despite everything he’s heard today, his fingers involuntarily texting you to see if you’re doing anything and if you can hang out with him today. 

He meets you at the door a few minutes later, your nose runny from the cold and hands dry, smiling at you with a sense he can only describe as belonging, because he realises, maybe you feel just as lonely as him on holidays and suddenly, he no longer feels sorry for leaving.

“Why are you even here, Lix? Shouldn’t you be at home?” you ask him when you’re taking off your shoes and hanging your coat on the hanger by the door. He bites down on his lower lip to suppress a bitter chuckle. 

“Christmas got cancelled this year.” he shrugs. 

It’s not like he doesn’t trust you. You know better than anyone what his struggles are-- he asked you to keep his secrets numerous times. It’s just that now that you’re here, it’s like his soul finally feels calm and he no longer wants to whine about his grandma or his aunts anymore. It’s just you and him and the empty apartment. If he was anyone else, maybe he’d try to get into your pants. He’s just Lee Felix though, and he’s absolutely, wholeheartedly in love with you, he realises, and believe me, it kind of takes him over the edge, and so he doesn’t try anything. 

And you look at him in understatement, no other questions asked.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s all a capitalistic holiday anyway,” he shrugs.

You follow him into the living room and he throws the remote control into your lap, telling you to choose a movie before he comes back with popcorn. 

“If you don’t pick anything before I’m done, we’ll just watch Venom, I don’t care,” he says, seeing you adorably scrunch up your nose at him in response. 

When he comes back and you’re waiting for him with Howl’s moving castle paused on Netflix, he can’t help but grin at you. He places the popcorn on the coffee table and notices himself staring onto your body next to his far more often than the TV and wonders if he really drove away from all of his problems or if he just drove away from one problem to another, because now, it’s getting really hard to focus on staying away from you. 

And when you shiver and curl up into his side, placing your head onto his shoulder, he can’t help but jolt at the contact, staring at you in surprise. 

“It’s cold,” you mumble, pouting.

Felix smiles. He rolls his eyes at you, even though on the inside, he finds you absolutely adorable, taking a blanket from the side of the sofa and putting it over your cold bodies, tucking you both in. You feel warm against his side, your hand resting on his chest. He wonders if you can feel his quickening heartbeat, his stiff body and the nerves rising in his heart. Everything else disappears, the fight back home long forgotten and Han Jisung left somewhere home with his own family, the weight of your body overwhelming him when you fall asleep and that’s when he stops and thinks,

isn’t this how home’s supposed to feel like?

The halls of the university building are empty as Felix stands right in front of the closed door, silently pacing around the corridors and bumping his knee up and down. He just got his final’s results and even though his soul was supposed to be at peace, he finds himself stressing over you, currently sitting in the room behind the closed door in front of him, getting your final’s results from biology back. The professor decided to split your class into two groups for the finals so you can, quote, ‘focus better when there’s less people around’ and even though you managed to cheat on your exams without any problems, he still wonders if you did well and if you passed. 

Once the voices behind the closed doors get louder and louder, he figures it’s near the end of your lecture and he can finally see you again and ask you how you did. 

The last time he talked to you without the stress of finals breathing onto your back was back on Christmas break-- more than a week ago. Ever since then, you two have been meeting in the middle of the night again, preparing for your upcoming tests. You didn’t really manage to talk a lot about anything else and even though Felix didn’t mind, he still missed your mindless rambles and weird jokes you used to crack when you weren’t stressing your mind off. 

The door opens and reveals people coming out, a few of them wearing a toothy grin on their faces as they glance on the paper in their hands, a few of them frowning as they pin their eyes to the ground. It’s not easy to differentiate the ones that passed and the ones who did not do that well and even though Felix feels sorry for them, he wonders why they just don’t cheat their way out of bad grades just how he does. It’s not that hard. It just takes a lot of practice. 

Once he finally sees your face, a big, toothy grin decorating your lips, a big stone falls off his heart, a weight lifts itself from his shoulders, because frankly, you wouldn’t look so happy if you failed, right? You’re not a total psychopath.

“How did you-” 

His words are cut off from his mouth, all air kicked out of his body once he feels you so close, the soft skin of your lips pressed up against his in a happy kiss. He’s startled, to say the least. His cheeks are reddening in the instance and he doesn’t even know if time stopped or if it’s just the rising anxiety and excitement in his chest, but he bites down the confusion and kisses you back finally, closing his eyes and bringing you close by your shoulders. The kiss is a little sloppy and messy, but he doesn’t mind-- all that’s occupying his mind right now is you, your sweet lips, your mouthy kiss, your excited hands creeping up around his neck, your bag that fell to the ground next to his feet, your exam paper marked with the big red A+ flying around the two of you when you let it fall from your grasp, your hair tickling his cheeks, you, you, you.

There’s only you. In the air he breathes, in the ground he walks on, in his hands and on his mind. You’re everywhere. Intoxicating.

You pull away from him after a while, grinning at him. It still manages to startle him a little-- how just the small gesture can light up his whole world, how your smile can make him feel like he’s the luckiest person on this earth. He sees stars in your eyes and he wonders who put them there, hoping to be the one, believing he could finally be the one, with how you look at him and hold him in your arms-

but it’s Felix’s life we’re talking about. There’s only you, you, you and maybe somewhere, far away in the distance, there could even be him, but who’s always there for sure is Han Jisung.

Han Jisung staring at the two of you from the open door, mouth agape in shock. Han Jisung with trembling hands, Han Jisung with his books clutched close to his chest as Felix’s heart drops and reality finally hits him. You were never supposed to be his to kiss. You were supposed to be Jisung’s-- his roommate’s, his best friend’s -- you fell for him long, long ago and that’s how it’s always been. 

He opens his mouth to say something, anything, to comfort his dear friend that looks like he’s heart’s being broken, but he finds no words in him to console his actions. He feels bad, he feels so, so guilty when their eyes meet, but he doesn’t manage to say anything before Jisung turns around the corner and leaves. 

The sound of Jisung’s quick steps is the only thing resonating in Felix’s mind like a bell, a signal for him that he fucked up, he did a really, really bad thing. 

His insides clutch and eyes water in the empty college corridor when he wonders,

is this how it feels to break someone’s heart?

You kick the small rocks beneath your feet, gazing into the distance. The cold in your bones makes you shudder, your eyes trailing around the neighbourhood so foreign to you, putting your hands into your pockets so you shelter your fingers from the frozen air. You think how this place looks exactly as you imagined it to-- tall apartment complex and a single big tree in front of it, the cars parked in the driveway obviously having their spot as the neighbours have lived together for a long time to know not to park anywhere else, because it’s more efficient this way. 

You’re waiting and waiting, hoping to see the one you’re waiting for soon, because you doubt your confidence will last you for any longer if you don’t talk to him now. You could lie and tell yourself it’s okay and that you’re not nervous at all, but after Jisung ran away the other day and his roommate followed him a few moments later, you feel nervousness creeping into your skin after not seeing or hearing from Felix for three days now. 

You remember him telling you that he likes to go for late-night convenience store runs every evening to get his favorite snacks. It wasn’t hard to find out where he lives-- it’s the 21st century, for god’s sake. You asked a friend of his friend and here you are, waiting  for him to appear in the door of his apartment complex, ready to talk to him about the events of this week.

Once you hear the door opening, you feel your head snap to its direction quicker than the speed of light, knees almost getting weak at the sight of Lee Felix standing there, confusion written all over his face once his eyes meet with yours. The frown forming on his face only deepens your stress as you wonder if he didn’t want to see you today, which, considering the fact that he’s been ignoring you for the past few days, might just be the case, but it still makes your heart break just a little when you hear him sigh once he makes his way over to you, the sound of his sneakers on the ground being the only thing heard in the middle of the night.

All the snow has melted-- as if all the bright things have left just in time with it, leaving you sad and cold, the clouds of your breath hitting the cold air being the only thing reminding you of the weather as you feel your body heating up in his presence. 

“Can we talk?” you ask, voice steadier than you expected it to be.

“I- I mean,” he starts, a shaky and husky voice hitting your ears, signaling that he probably hadn’t spoken to anyone for a long time now, “you’re already here, so I guess…”

You nod at him, averting your gaze quickly to the ground, when you realise you suddenly don’t know what to say. You try to search for words, yet none come out of your mouth. Your mind is blank and it seems like his presence took away all your vocabulary, but deep on the inside, you know damn well that if you don’t speak up now, you won’t have a second chance and you really have to get it now.

“Why- why…” you mutter, “why did you leave without saying anything the other day?” you ask.

The silence is overwhelming as you start to hate the sound of your own breath, opting to hold it for a few seconds as you await his response. 

“I mean, isn’t it obvious?” 

You shake your head in confusion, finally meeting his eyes again. “No.”

“Jisung… Jisung saw us. I didn’t feel like it was right,” he explains, cracking his knuckles in a nervous habit you noticed in him a long, long time ago when he first tried to teach you how to cheat in class without getting caught.

“What does he have to do with anything?”

“You two like each other.” he says bluntly, taking you off-guard.

The moment these words come out of his mouth, you realise not one, but two things. One of them is fairly new to you, the fact that Han Jisung liked you back was something you never knew you could experience, but even though you should be flattered, you realise it no longer holds a meaning in your heart. The second thing is connected to the first-- and that is, Lee Felix doesn’t know that you like him now. His foolish, silly mind convinced him you were still in love with his best friend, his confused and frustrated brain didn’t let him realise that for a long, long time now, the freckled boy in front of you has been the only one you thought about when you were falling asleep at night.

You don’t even know when it happened. You guess it just did. You wondered how it’d feel to know what exactly made you fall for Felix, what that moment was, but something inside of you is telling you that maybe, it was even more wonderful this way. Unexpected, but totally reasonable.

“Why would I be kissing you if I still liked Jisung?” you ask, the fear of directly confessing to him and getting rejected creeping up in your shadow.

“I- I don’t know-”

“Exactly.” you cut him off before he rambles and manages to find a stupid, silly reason in his head to justify his wrong expectations. You know how he is-- if he overthinks things hard enough, he’ll surely find an answer. There’s none, though, so you don’t dare to give him time to think about it and ponder on the thought for any longer.

“But that doesn’t matter now anyway,” he shrugs, putting his hands into his pockets.

You wonder what’s going on inside of his head right now. You wonder if he regrets what he’s done-- if he wants to turn back time and never let you kiss him. The nerves make you bite down harshly on your bottom lip and you only catch yourself when you feel iron in your mouth, quickly licking your own wound on the surface of your mouth and take a deep breath in. 

“Why?” you ask. 

“Why would it?” he says, eyes boring into yours.

“Because… I thought it meant something to you? I mean, it meant a lot to me, at least. That’s why I’m even here in the first place,” you chuckle airly, feeling your throat get dry.

“I’m not saying that it didn’t, I just think it had no point.”

His words feel like knives thrown into your chest, like a fire burning the pit of your stomach. You feel your legs getting weaker at his arguments, your fingers harshly tugging at the skin of your cuticles hidden in your pockets. You don’t trust your voice to sound steady this time when you speak, but you don’t care. Maybe it’s time to show your real emotions. Maybe it will change Felix’s mind.

“And why is that?”

“Because people like you don’t date people like me. You’re supposed to be in love with Jisung. You’re supposed to be dating him, he’s supposed to date you. You’re too good for me anyway.” he shrugs.

“Is this all about Jisung?” you ask, eyebrows furrowed.

You watch Felix sharply inhale in and out, averting his eyes from your figure. The distance between the two of you is unnatural, as if to singal how the two of you are slowly drifting apart. You see him fold his hands on his chest, preparing for what he’s about to say.

“It hurt him, back then. And I hate that. He loves you and I just.. I can’t do that to him, when I know  how much he cares about you.” he says.

Love is a strange thing. You hear Felix say how much Jisung loves you, but is that really true? Does Han Jisung even know you? The real you?

Does Jisung know how you look with your mouth full of fries and a greasy forehead? Does he know how you look when you’re stressed out of your mind because of finals? Does he know your favorite bistro, does he know your favorite movie? Did you cuddle up with Jisung on the couch just because you wanted to be close to him, comfort him and tell him you’re there just a few days after Christmas? 

Or does he just know the self you put up in front of him when you went to meet him? The put-together you that cares even about the sound of your own laugh, not wanting it to sound ugly in his ears? 

Han Jisung can’t love you. He doesn’t even know you.

And you never loved him-- just for the same reason. The feelings you had for him were merely a feeling of attraction, so far away from love.

But now you know how you feel about Felix, how his smile lights up the world and how his presence makes you feel understood. How even the silence with him speaks louder than a million words, how he knows you like the back of his hand and how he treats you like his closest friend. You know that what you feel when you’re with him is stronger than anything you ever have and although it used to scare you for a moment, now you’re ready to embrace it and live with it, if he lets you.

Lee Felix doesn’t tell you he loves you. Maybe you can see it in his eyes.

Why does he have to put everything above love? Why does he care about Jisung more than you? It’s breaking your heart. 

“Felix… I’m sure he’d understand. He’s a good person. I’m sure he’d want you to be happy.”

“Y/N, you don’t understand-”

“He’s a grown adult!” you yell out, the built-up emotions coming to the surface in the form of frustration, your words sunding spiteful and angry. Maybe you are furious, maybe you are full of fire right now, but it’s all because of the boy in front of you and the things he refuses to let himself enjoy.

“Why do you even care about it so much, huh? I was your fucking second choice all along anyway!” 

You look at him in shock, your eyes watering at the sight of the frown sitting on his face. Something inside of you breaks and you think it’s safe to say it was your heart, choking you up as you shake your head in disapproval. 

“Felix-” you protest, but there’s no use.

You see him turn around on his heel, opening the door to the apartment complex and leaving. It feels like you’re losing him, it feels like he’s gone forever. He turned his back on you, refusing all the love you were willing to give him, all the love you were offering to him right here, your heart in your hands.

He gave up on your love.

People in movies go out to party after a break-up to get drunk and numb their feelings. They either go to the club or go to a stupid college party, which is, coincidentally, your case today, but you’re not here to get drunk tonight. You’re not here to drown out your feelings and numb your pained soul-- you’re simply here to try to have some fun.

Your mum told you long, long ago that happiness is a choice. You could argue with her and tell her that depression and heartbreak aren’t a choice and that they, by themselves, are causing people the most sadness, but you had to give your mum a point. If you don’t choose to try, if you don’t do anything to at least try to stimulate your own brain, you can’t expect happiness to find you by itself. That’s just, sadly, not how life works, and you weren’t going to drown out in your own tears just because of Lee fucking Felix, because if you weren’t worth trying for him, he’s not worth any of your tears.

You appear on Lee Haechan’s end of the semester party. You have A+ finals to celebrate and although you would be much happier to drink to them with the one that basically helped you get through the semester, you won’t pass the chance to socialize. You worked hard and you did a good job-- you deserve a party. Alcohol truly isn’t the best for your brain, but you will just decide to call it selfcare. It’s not like you’re getting blacked-out drunk tonight anyway.

You manage to have small talk with a few people from your class. Though it’s not exactly what’s stimulating your brain, you don’t mind it. You barely know these people and you couldn’t care less, but you guess this is the downside of socialising. 

The alcohol in your veins doesn’t give you a chance to loosen up, though. You only feel your body warmer with the beer hitting your system, but your feelings still taste of salt, your brain not cooperating with your grandiose happiness plan and you think the people talking to you notice, since no one really tries to keep you in a conversation long enough when you start to absently nod at them and pay zero attention to what they’re saying. You don’t blame them, though. You’d probably do the same in their place.

Your feet move their way to the front door when you decide that maybe your mum wasn’t right, completely ready to go home and pity yourself for a few more days before coming back to life, when a familiar voice calls you from behind, making you freeze in your spot.

“Y/N, long time no see.”

Han Jisung watches you with glossy eyes, yet he tries to look nonchalant at the sight of you. It doesn’t feel like his heart is breaking when he sees you right here and there, chewing on your bottom lip, more or less, it feels numbing to his heart and his head. It’s like he expected it all from the start-- the outcome that once so surprised him. But after all this time he spent overthinking and dwelling on the memory of seeing you kissing his best friend, it made sense to him. 

“Jisung…”

He can see your eyes growing worried when you watch over him and he mentally slaps himself for not handling his emotions with more care back then. He could have spared you a lot of pain and trouble if he hadn’t reacted in such a way in the doorway of your classroom, but the truth is, Han Jisung hadn’t really known just how much a true heartbreak feels and nothing could ever prepare him for the physical pain numbing his chest. He didn’t know it could hurt so much. 

He doesn’t want to worry you. You are still his friend, after all, right? That’s all you always have been and he should have understood it from the first moment he saw you gaze at his friend so lovingly in the university halls one day. He thinks you, yourself, didn’t even recognise the emotion in you when you watched over Felix with so much care, with so many stars in his eyes and a big grin on your face. He could never compare himself to Felix.

He doesn’t want to worry you anymore, and so he decides to talk to you like a friend would. You looked like you could use a friend tonight.

“How have you been?” he asks, smiling at you. He hopes his eyes convey the emotion he feels-- how after all this time, he still feels comfortable with you and desperately needs you to do the same. He can’t lose another friend. Not to love. 

That happens every single time. Truth be told, Jisung used to have a problem with differentiating true love from platonic feelings sometimes. He used to think he falls out of love just as quickly as he falls in, but the truth is that it was never even love at all. Sometimes, it was just pure admiration. Feelings for a friend. And he managed to ruin all his friendships just because he started dating them. 

And then, he just kept searching and searching for the right one, because no one ever felt right. No one ever made him feel loved, no one ever made him feel love. It felt suffocating, but so, so addicting. He could never give up on trying to find love.

And then he met you. And it finally made sense-- it finally felt right.

“I’m… I’m fine, thanks,” you say, smiling at him with that smile that still, admittedly, made his heart race and swell with love. He’s not afraid to call the emotion by its name. It doesn’t feel wrong. He used to think he wants it to stop, but the truth is, it still feels nice. 

Love feels like loneliness sometimes. It’s a bittersweet feeling. But it’s still so, so addicting.

“Are you sure?” he asks. He knows you. He knows when something’s wrong.

He also knows your eyes have been searching for his roommate for the past few minutes of your conversation. He knows you want to meet him and avoid him all at once, love him and leave him-- it was a paradox. 

He knows his roommate way too well, though. He knows he can’t fall out of love with you. He knows, though, that he’ll never act upon it. Lee Felix has always been the sweetest person in this whole entire world-- putting the needs of others before his own. He can’t keep doing this to himself.He can’t keep doing this to you.

“I think you know the answer, Jisung. Why do you keep asking, then?” you bitterly snicker, going around him and escaping the noisy house. Jisung doesn’t know if you want to leave, if you want to escape his presence, but he can’t leave you just like that, and so he follows you outside, seeing you sitting at the doorstep, as if you were waiting for him.

“You don’t have to think of me, you know that, right?” he says once he takes a seat next to you, watching your expression change into a pained one. 

“It’s… I don’t know. It’s complicated. And Felix- he doesn’t think it’s right. I can’t force him into anything. It was his choice anyway,” you mutter. Jisung sighs heavily, the feeling your words on his chest heavy and solemn. He hates the fact that he is standing in the way of your happiness. He hates the fact that he is the problem, the invisible wall keeping you two from each other. 

“It’s simple, though.” he shrugs.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. He takes it upon himself to explain before you begin to tell him that it’s not, opting to open your eyes on his own.

“You two are in love with each other. So you should be together. Isn’t that simple?” he asks, smiling at you subtly.

You scoff and shake your head. “He gave up on us.”

“Did he, or did he just do what he felt was right?” Jisung argues. “You can’t keep hiding from each other. You can’t keep trying to ignore your feelings just because I like you. That’s not fair for either of you.”

You don’t argue with him this time. He wonders what’s going on inside of your head at the moment, with your eyebrows furrowed and your bottom lip trapped in your teeth. You look just like all the times he watched you during your tutoring sessions-- focused and lost in thought. It will feel weird to not see you in that way anymore, but he has to try.

The same way Lee Felix always tried for him.

“You’re too sweet, Han Jisung. What a shame our timing’s off.” you say, bitterness coating your voice. He looks up at you again, wondering what your words mean. “I used to like you back then, you know,” you smile.

Here it is, the strange emotion again. The emotion of almost physical pain, a hand squeezing his heart, a knife stabbed into his back. It feels like his world is crumbling down on him, because he’s stupid-- so stupid. He could have had you back then. He could have been with you all this time, only if he wasn’t late. He missed his biggest chance, the biggest opportunity, the happiest time of his life. All because he was too hesitant. 

He didn’t deserve you anyway.

“But now your timing’s right with Felix. Don’t waste that,” he says, biting through the pain.

Because the truth is, if anyone deserved love, it was his roommate. The one that refused you for him, the one that rejected you for him, the one that set him up on a date with you even though you invited him in the first place. The one who gave up on his love only so he wouldn’t hurt his friend. You could say that Jisung was too good for this world, but Lee Felix is the one that deserves the whole entire world, in his eyes.

Maybe these two were just too good of friends. Caring about the other one twice as much as about themselves. And that’s exactly why Jisung will get over this-- he’ll push you to his friend. So he could be happy, finally. 

“Jisung, I don’t know-”

“Do it,” he cuts you off, “reach out to him again. Try it. For me.”

y/n: meet me at the 8Bistro at 9 

Felix can’t believe himself when he finds his legs moving to the direction of the bistro at the edge of the town. He knows it’s the last one on your list, the one you invited him to so you could celebrate your finals in and he finds himself wondering if he could have gone here with you earlier only if the two of you didn’t share that kiss back then.

That damned kiss he couldn’t stop thinking about for the last few days-- even weeks, every time he opened his eyes in the morning and closed them when he was about to sleep. It kept following him like a curse, a thing he couldn’t escape, as if it was testing him like the snake tested Eve in paradise. Foreign fruit. 

You’re sitting there already when he arrives, fingers playing with each other as you gaze at the door in expectation. He sees your usual order already on the table, assuming you got here early, but it’s untouched as your knee bumps up and down under the table and you bite down harshly on your bottom lip.

He takes a seat, allowing himself to look at you again after such a long time. It feels like it’s been ages, yet you still look the same to him-- the same beauty that hit him when he first met you and shared his biggest secret with you.

“Why aren’t you eating? You have to finish off your list,” he mumbles awkwardly, motioning to the food at the table.

“I wanted to wait for you.” you say. Your voice is quiet, almost shy, when you speak to him. He wonders just how much he fucked up that it made you act this way. He knows it’s probably a lot, but considering he’s sitting here right now, he can still fix it.

At least he hopes so. 

“Did you.. Do you want to talk to me about something?” he asks, nervosity filling his veins as he feels his hands form a little swimming pool with just how much he’s sweating.

“Yes,” you nod, taking a deep breath in and out. He wonders if you’re just as nervous as he is. The answer is probably yes, considering your tense shoulders and restless legs, but he doesn’t comment on it as he watches you begin speaking again. “I wanted to tell you that I’m- I’m in love with you. And that it’s for real, and it’s for you and no one else,” you start, quickly wetting your lips and continuing again, “and I know you must feel like a second choice, or like you weren’t important to me at all, but that’s not true.”

“You helped me so much, really, but the more I hung out with you, the more I realised just how wonderful you are. And how your heart is so big, how you’re fun to be around…” you ramble, taking Felix by surprise with your heart-felt monologue, “and that Jisung is not the one for me, because, well, it was just.. it was just a crush. I didn’t know him. He didn’t even know me that well. Crushes… they don’t mean anything. They’re silly. But what I have with you, Felix…” you say, drifting your eyes away from him for a second,

“I know you. The real you. And you know me. You’ve seen me at my worst. You’ve seen me struggle and you know exactly how to help. You know me and I know you and the feelings I have for you are much more than a silly crush. I love you, Felix. And I don’t want to just forget about us.” you complete and Felix swears he can feel his eyes watering at your words. He chooses not to speak up, afraid of his voice breaking, afraid he’s going to embarrass himself in front of you. His emotions got the best of him and right here and now, no one else matters. 

It’s you. You that feels like home, you, the only girl he’s ever loved. You, the only girl that ever loved him back, you, who he foolishly rejected. 

You’re everywhere. In his veins, in his heart, in his foolish, stupid mind.

“Felix… I don’t want you to give up on us.” 

He looks up, seeing your sincere eyes and a look full of worry. You seem so wonderful to him, even now. You’re everything he’s ever dreamt of, a home without a roof and walls. With you, he feels at ease. He trusts you. He’s never felt this way for anyone before.

He watches you and he hears your laugh, he hears your whines when he used to tease you so much. He hears the sound of your memories when he chased you around in the snow. He hears the opening song of Howl’s moving castle, reminding him of the warmth he felt when you hugged him so close that evening.

He used to want to hate you. He should have known that could never be the case.

You’re all he needs-- all he wants. You’re everywhere he looks, in every beauty of the world and in everything that’s dear to him. 

You, you, you, you.

And so he decides-- it’s time to change his plan.

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 1) hold her hand, 2) get rid of the guilt, 3) lean in and kiss her.

“Does that mean you’re giving us a chance?” you ask, hopeful eyes glaring at him with millions of stars in them, sparkles swimming around in perfection.

“We’ll talk after you eat. You have a yelp review to write,” he laughs.

“Feli-”

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 4) shut her up by forcing french fries into her mouth.

“I love you too.”

[apompkwrites]

reader impact || first meeting

series masterlist characters: xiao, albedo genre: fluff summary: a game has been released entitled genshin impact, consisting of otherworldly abilities relying on the basic elements of nature. the game follows the story of an interdimensional traveling twin in search of their other half. along this journey, they meet different characters that live in this world. including you. notes: have i read a few genshin impact x game character reader stories and impulsively decided to make one too? maybe. you can't prove anything. i don't know if this will be a series but we'll see :D

xiao's playthrough -

xiao, named as alatus on his streaming platform, has made himself known as a gaming streamer with an awkward personality and blunt words.

he's the type of streamer who wouldn't have a set type of game and would, instead, play whatever his viewers recommended.

valorant? sure, he'll try it out.

hitman? why not?

animal crossing? it's a complete 180 from the other games, but sure.

when one of his viewers recommended genshin impact, he was quick to say yes and search for the game.

once the game finishes downloading, he quickly begins the game.

once the opening cutscene passes, he compliments the overall aesthetic of the game, pointing out the smaller details such as the footprints made by his character and the sound their clothes make when they move.

as always, his expressions are quite monotone to a point where it seems nothing draws his attention towards the game.

one of his mods, however, knows xiao well enough to where he knows which character he would like.

they convince xiao that the game is worth sticking with towards the second half of chapter 1, act 1.

he doesn't understand but he trusts his mods so he promises to continue.

it takes a few hours, especially because of the grinding, but a few streams later he's finally made it.

after fighting a one-sided argument with cloud retainer, he immediately begins his trek to the wangshu inn. and yes, trek, he enjoys walking/gliding through the world of teyvat rather than fast traveling everywhere.

he walks up the stairs to the top floor of the inn, resting his hands in his lap as the cutscene begins.

"to the blind, everything may not be as it appears..."

xiao is normally stoic during games, even ones with scenes made to fluster the player and catch them off guard.

but not this time.

once xiao's character is faced with yours, he just stops. his chat is spamming messages, asking if he's okay and if he's actually emoting for once.

he just stares at your character for a good five minutes.

and trust me, at least half of his viewers clipped that.

"... who are they?"

that was his only question after those minutes of silence. never before had he been attached to a character within the first few minutes of meeting them. his mind is racing and all he can think about is how amazing your character design is and how nice your voice is and how cool your character is and--

oh right, he's streaming right now...

anyway, the more your conversation goes on, the more he loves your character.

you're just so sassy and snappy but he loves you either way.

once you turn away with your back towards the camera, he just stares.

he stares at the intricate tattoo on your exposed arm and the mask hanging off of your belt.

and then you're gone.

his face drops so quickly and his viewers are very quick to point it out. he grimaces once paimon starts talking and he's very tempted to just speed through her dialogue.

he just wants to see you again.

once he hears from verr goldet that you've never smiled (at least around her), he immediately turns to the camera and says, "we better make them smile in this game."

once he finds out about your favorite food, he's already asking his viewers if he's able to get the recipe for it.

the next time he gets to talk to you, his face just lights up once he sees your character standing on the balcony.

however, once his characters tell you about rex lapis's death, his heart sinks when he hears how sad your voice becomes, even if your tone is still as harsh as before.

he gets all sad again when the quest ends and he has to wait to unlock the next archon quest.

he ends the game there and decides to spend the last few minutes talking to his viewers.

"i'll stream genshin again soon."

his viewers all know it's only because he met you.

albedo's playthrough -

albedo often does art streams and the occasional science-y stream.

if he does games, he mainly uses them to admire the art/mechanics of the gameplay.

genshin impact was one of those games he decided to play on his own solely because of the beautiful scenary.

(and the opportunity to draw more characters).

he's definitely the player that cares about elemental reactions above all else. pretty much every character he uses is built for elemental damage instead of physical.

most of his genshin streams are him walking around teyvat and pointing out the scenary.

he was definitely excited for the dragonspine event because that meant a better view of teyvat!

what he wasn't prepared for, however, was the reveal of a new character: you.

he isn't too into looking at the updates for genshin on his own, so he didn't find out about who you were until his stream asked about it.

he decided to react to the newest updates live since his chat seemed excited to hear his input.

once he pulled up the latest update details, he spent a few minutes talking about the new subzero mechanic.

but once he scrolled down to the characters... OH BOY

he's able to keep his composure but he definitely spends longer talking about you.

he almost gasped when he saw you were the chief alchemist of mondstadt.

combine that with the fact that you rely on elemental damage instead of physical...

your honor, he's fallen hard.

he'll put a countdown on stream to when your character and event drops, even on his non-genshin streams.

speaking of those streams, on the week just before your event, his streams will all be based around you and the information he's seen on you.

his art streams will consist of you and how he thinks your attacks will work just based on the description (he purposely avoided all pictures of your attacks for this stream).

his science-y streams would probably be based on your element.

once your event drops, that's the only thing he'll stream until it's over.

your assistant used to be his favorite character to play as but they just never clicked. it's not like he hates your assistant, it's just he didn't immediately fall in love with them.

his party definitely has your assistant in it, though.

he would have normally taken his time to look around dragonspine and admire the new scenery, but he couldn't help but speed through it until he finally gets to see you onscreen.

once the cutscene officially introduces you in front of a canvas, he's internally panicking.

you like art too?! and science?! how perfect can you be?!?!?!

he will genuinely feel bad when he scares the hilichurls because he knows that that's what you were sketching.

"who are you? why did you alarm them?"

NOW HE FEELS EVEN WORSE

even when you tell him you've finished sketching, he wants to make it up to you :((

if he were able to, he would've lured more hilichurls to let you sketch more.

some people in his chat would probably spam him to skip your dialogue because it's so wordy, but that's the exact reason why he listens to it all.

he likes listening to your character ramble on, especially because you have a soothing voice.

anytime your character does their idle animation where you give life to something, he will always let it play. even if your dialogue is finished before the animation, he would not progress until it's completed.

once your character asks for help, he would immediately agree before you finished your sentence.

man just wants to spend more time with you.

he likes staring at the tattoo on your neck whenever the camera is close to you. he just thinks it's really pretty on you.

once your other nonplayable assistant begins talking, he'll skip through the dialogue. he doesn't care if it goes more in depth into this world's alchemy, he just wants to hear it from you.

"hmm, looks like the potion's ready. i'll try a little first."

"please don't..."

he doesn't want you to try it just in case it hurts you :(

anytime he is allowed to walk freely with you around, he'd definitely put his traveler character next to you for a few minutes and just let you two stare at each other.

someone asks him why he spends a few minutes doodling on his desk when you talk.

he shows them the notebook that he had been writing notes in. it's filled with little doodles of you and some more information you give on the world of alchemy.

for future streams the involve you, he'd set up another camera to show the notes and doodles he's making about you.

sometimes he'll spend a few minutes on a single section where the camera is focused on you just to recreate the picture in the notebook.

he absolutely loves whoever planned out the camera angles because of how cute you look in every one of them.

he definitely gets a bad vibe from rosaria when she hints at the fact that you may be using alchemy against him.

he will defend you and alchemy to his grave!

that one scene where you create a flower in front of you is one he will always treasure.

he makes sure someone clipped that moment just so he can draw that, make it a print, and put it on his wall.

since most of his viewers most likely consist of artists, he will encourage them to draw you and send him fanart. he will put them all on a wall and dedicate every picture that goes there to you.

"if i one day lose control... destroy mondstadt... as well as everything around it..."

"huh?"

"will you be there to stop me?"

"wait... no."

if people were only listening to that portion, they would still be able to hear the pout on his face.

he'll end the game there but change his stream into an impromptu art stream.

he will only be drawing you in nice situations to distract himself from the fact that there is something going on with you.

"hm? what do you mean something's wrong with (name)? i have no idea what you're talking about."

poor boy's in denial...