#now i have Problems and Cannot Leave
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insane how people act like charles is ‘the jealous one’ like edwin didnt spend the whole first episode screaming crying throwing up every time charles looked at crystal and not him
#obv its deeper than that#like after 30 years of almost always taking edwins side on everything#he suddenly leaves WITH SOME RANDOM GIRL while saying he has a poor attitude and hes like? do i? yeah bc the living suck right? right?#and he decides to stay annoyed when they come back bc he LEFT him ugh. for a GIRL. like they’re actually still teens in school#so he really really hopes this is a passing fancy. like a pet or something. a wounded bird that we CANNOT KEEP#and when charles points out that it is in fact jealousy (which by charles time is not at all couple exclusive) it literally takes him aback.#bro said ‘jealous?’ so breathlessly like cmon. but b4 he could let that sink in crystal wakes up so he lets it go#probably had a whole internal convo where he reconciled being able to be friend-jealous and then kicked it up. like really up#‘maybe its your outfit’ and ‘also we are punishing you’ and ‘are you ready to talk to her shoes’#‘you spoke to a demon in this friendly malt shop’ and ‘oh you love this dont you’ and ‘saved you one time and now you wont leave either’#like yes he IS jealous and yes he WILL make it everyone’s problem on purpose#do i even have to pull out ‘of course you fell for a living girl’ (looks at him through his lashes) help him#90 percent of these are from the FIRST EPISODE okay#episode 1 edwin is THE cattiest bitch so it tracks that the cat king wants him#point is they are both insanely jealous ok#dbda#dead boy detectives#payneland#paineland#bumblysdumbly
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Since we’re on the topic of video games, im tired of these fucking remakes. Ive said it before but i’ll say it again each time. These companies dont wanna invest in an actually good remaster or port and would rather waste their time with these remakes bcuz “ooh look how shiny and better the graphics look!!1!1!1” often times it has an empty feeling because everything has to be ultra realism super 6000. Its gotten so bad that now regular gamers are starting to gaslight you into playing or enjoying them. So much has been lost artistically, (like the cool UI designs) that it’s now considered “juvenile” and that i need to “grow up” and “accept it” 😂
#Being genuine and having atmosphere/lore/small details surrounding the game does a lot more.#And can we pls have built in emulators or#backwards combatibility on these newer consoles? if ur able to do all this other shit you can give us an official emulator#And ik that sometimes the developers have actually lost certain files data assets etc within the OG games that cannot be regained#But you can make an entire remake no problem🙄 it be feeling like they are getting told by higher ups “do it or else”#Im gen z and idk if its my gen or a combination of everyone regardless of age wanting these remakes all of a sudden#Bcuz i swear i remember most ppl disliked or didnt care abt them now everyone is on board with it???#No game after the year 1999 should have a remake. A rerelease or remaster is fine. But a remake? Do we really need that…#Also game design used to be cute and fun. Whatever happened to that? Wheres my clever save spots and menu screens?#Theres only a tad bit of remakes i have no problem with and even then its not “needed”#i also understand not liking smth due to its art style. But to act like majority of old games looks terrible is crazy come on now.#Why does h0rizon need a remaster and why are u not allowed to buy or download the OG version of it anymore 😐#feels like ppl think OG games are nothing when they are the entire reason#The amplified hyperrealistic my-26k-ultra-supercomputer-made-this remake exists in the first fucking place#regarding limitations of old games and consoles i could understand a rerelease port but they could just add on stuff and leave it alone lol#Emulators also exists guys….#Rant#Other
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black eyes
#my stuff#my writing#mein fucking goat i cannot keep having dreams about my ex and yet it is happening still#this is one of the less remarkable ones even. i’ve had two in the past month where i try desperately to give them a flatscreen tv#and one of those big ones too. like 40 inches across. i don’t own a flatscreen tv#i’ll admit it being in singapore is hitting me like a brick to the balls and i am grievously unwell#it’s like i come back and all the work i put in to deal with my anxiety and depression gets high in the woods and dies#but that’s not the point. the point is devoid of friends (in fucking america) and a hyperfixation (haven’t found anything that’s stuck)#i am full of nothing but yearning. good ol classic yearning. and i am so moved on from my ex but i keep trying to give them this fucking tv#!!!! ?????? huh????????????? mayne got………#a girlfriend or a cat would fix me. or leaving this country take your pick#working on it#i’ve made a to do list to combat my i have lost the will to do things problem#and on it is APPLY TO JOBS (note; outside singapore (note: outside america too))#i have a plan and it’s to get as far away as possible and live#we’re getting there#in the meantime here’s a funny poem#i was so. in the dream i actually wanted to see them which is crazy. top 10 bad fan characterizations#but it was a dream with a good color palette. all cool whites and grays and a deep deep blue for the night#cold cold white snow. etc. so of course i had to write about it#which i have done. and now i am going to sleep#good bye
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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Cannot imagine whatever is going on through Mr Leonard Echowatcher's head. You spend your life yearning for a world where you lived differently, where the day wasnt soaked in war, blood, and battle. Where you could envision a future where you have a partner and a family with friends to live gracefully with. But then you are given such opportunities only to find you were never taught to be gentle, you have a gentle, empathetic nature and yet the physicality of it is a stranger to you. You are expected to raise a child with gentle hands so that she saves the world, What does that even mean? How can you accept your growing love for your friend when you were never taught how to love, that intimate love is a luxury best left forgotten, there are no need for such things in war. He has to learn to become the things he wanted bc he grew too old to develop it naturally. He becomes a father to taimi fumbling his way into learning how to care and parent, he is defensive of Aurene bc he is from a culture where they arent expected to raise their own young and yet has to do so with a dragon. It feels like a test, He has to prove both to others and to himself he is capable of being a father, of nuturing, that calloused, stained hands can still be gentle. He has to accept that love is a terrifying leap of faith in vulnerability in order to gain a partnership that is considered a rarity. I love the idea that he spent 30 years yearning for things he thought he would never have and when he is actually given those opportunities (albeit admittedly through unusual circumstances) he has to learn how to actually live in them, becuase they were always just Concepts until now. Ohhhh my god Mr. Leo you are my everything
#rambling about my guy at 3am#its so so sos so important to leo's lore that he wishes he had freedom from the legions while still being inherently loyal to them bc he#cannot break the loyalty that is so fervent in his culture's belief so he doesnt leave and instead tries to be the change he wants to see#in savoring life and preventing reckless deaths and maybe one day allowing for more connections between the charr re their relationships#while also battling with the fact now that he has these chances hes not actually prepared for him#hes defensive about Aurene and he takes a while to admit his feelings for rytlock because of these#does this makes sense me shaking the camera do you see my vision he makes me insane#hes so tired hes sooooo tired but theres this constant weight on him at all times its just not a world ending one but a personal one#javi gw2#leonard echowatcher#this isnt even ABOUT being diallusioned with how the legions disregard lige and treat their soldiers as a numbers game bc thats an entire#different problem this is just abt his more personal struggles.#god i remember describing all his interactions with rytlock (intimacy wise) were all very passionate bc he didnt know how to allow himself#to be vulnerable and gentle#or rather hes scared to be bc its not natural to him#so when they see each other again and leo IS more gentle with him in private that is a huuuge deal#also im definitely not conflating romantic and platonic relationships bc those can be just as important#so im directly speaking about more intimate relationships or regarding whatever leo viewed himself wanting#which was like a partner and a family#sound the alarm this hardened soldier secretly dreams of a domestic fantasy he will never have#is esentially what it is#leo was made to be bbq dad who cleans gravestones and plants flowers for the feceased and is forced into [the entire plot of gw2]#sorry im rambling okay bye
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okay hear me out. i know i love science and i’m very good at chemistry and physics. but what if i became a fucking accountant
#IM SERIOUS…….#like i’ve been doing research about what career path to tailor my degree towards when i go back to school#and it seems like chemistry careers outside of phd research and academia just. barely exist in the US anymore#they’ve been largely outsourced or are extremely geographically limited. or it’s pure bench work that barely pays better than retail#and i’m like. knowing what i know now about my health i just cannot go into academia. i cant. it would take up 100% of my life#and as much as i think i could be smart enough i just like don’t. want to give up on hobbies or having a personal life.#i’m a slow reader/writer. i cant be writing all those papers and making all of those curriculums. it would be all i ever did#and i don’t want to constantly move across the country in pursuit of unicorn chem/bio jobs that would actually interest me#i need to be near my family or a few very close friends on case of a medical emergency#and as for accounting like. look at my hobbies. i love optimizing dragon capitalism on FR. i love making charts and solving puzzles#i don’t mind menial tasks. i need a job with consistent hours that i can leave at the office. bc otherwise i can get too wound up#accountants are in demand everywhere and the pay is actually proportional to the amount of schooling required#depending on the company you work for the work/life balance can be pretty reasonable apparently#i’m good at math enjoy solving problems and have job experience recruiting clients and solving their unique problems#it’s not as spiritually fulfilling as astrobiology but like does it have to be? if i could have a stable and healthy life with people i love#idfk man
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lol. i think ive reached my limit.
#i just cannot take this torture anymore#ive been at the mercy of this horrible disease for over half my life now#imagine living knowing that roughly every 3.5 weeks youre going to experience the most excruciating pain of your life#along with crushing. usually suicidal depression. and such extreme fatigue and exhaustion that you easily sleep for 14+ hours a DAY#AND ITS ALL FOR FUCKING *NOTHING*#there is literally ZERO benefit or reason for me to be experiencing this#it is 100% extraneous#and even if you go to a dr and try to get treatment their only recommendation is 1) pain killers and/or 2) birth control#which both come with their own fucking share of unpleasant side effects#not to mention theyre not even 100% effective at stopping the problem in the first FUCKING place#and imagine even tho you have this DEBILITATING DISORDER society at large has decided it straight up DOESNT EXIST#to the point where REAL ACTUAL MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS will dismiss your symptoms#not to mention people in your life who dont understand or just straight up dont believe your disorder is real#good luck keeping a job or any other major commitments#considering you'll either be out of commission for like. 1 out of ever 4 weeks#or youll have to work/whatever WHILE experiencing said excruciating pain/crushing depression/debilitating exhaustion#not to mention the GI issues and the migraines and the brain fog and the fucking. full body aches#wanna go to a concert? or plan a vacation? or just. fucking. RELAX? you better hope its not during Hell Week or youre outta luck#and youve got roughly 30-40 YEARS of this to look forward to#maybe less IF YOURE LUCKY#im fucking over it#i cant take it anymore#im making an appt to see a dr and i WILL NOT LEAVE THEIR OFFICE until they have referred me to whoever i have to talk to to make this stop#my fucking fury at having to live like this has officially outweighed my fear of invasive procedures/recovery time/side effects#let along the torture that is navigating the medical care system as an AFAB#i just. i cant do this anymore.#i want to fucking LIVE#fuck
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everyone prioritizes their family and that means even extended chacha ke chacha fufa ke tau etc and i can't even prioritize my sagi one i hate myself
#and its not that they're bad or anything#but im such a people pleaser i feel validation from strangers is more important than family#its because maybe ive watched them too closely and nothing about them fascinates me anymore i know the pattern#and my fun is meeting new people cracking the code#but still#i hate that people will cut your calls leave your message unread kyunki aaj poora din bua mausi aaye the#wish i was that focused on my relatives#ill literally text call anyone even in a middle of a fucking apocalypse#idk yall should tell me if im doing something wrong do yall keep your phones away and forget to text your friends#but i can't focus one thing for too long i cannot physically see messages decking up and not reply#i hate this#do people simply not check. there phone as often or am i an addict#or have i still not learnt to be in the moment#and tomorrow night i leave for home and my friends have planned a meet up#now frn 1 comes to home for one month in her holidays so giving one day or even two days to friends doesn't matter#frn 2 lives in hometown so there's no problem but mind you if she comes she has to leave in 2 minutes because her mom calls every five#minutes just to get her back to home for nothing#frn 3 comes home same as me aka 4-5 days so giving 1 day to friends is parents saying tumhe hamse matlab nahi hai tyohaar mei bhi har baar#milne jaana hota hai#etc#but im home past 4 days ivd literally done nothing papa bhai se utni hi baat hui jitni phone par ho jaati hai#haan for mummy i spent time with her#but most of the time i was on tumblr or scrolling insta to kya hi matlab hua mere ghar aane ka#that means unhe bas meri physical presence chahiye#na ghar par bua aayi na mama na koi#lekin ab kal mujhe jaana hai to kal mama aa jaayenge#why are things this way
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also Izzy dying kinda sucked for me as an Ed fan because his whole thing, as he lay dying, was telling Ed he only needs to be himself and that he doesn’t need to just rely on Izzy anymore, that he has a whole family who loves him. And that’s a beautiful speech and true at heart which would have made Izzy’s death narratively warranted had Ed not immediately abandoned that family to start an inn with Stede, who he needs to work on his relationship with. like girl what the hell
#ED MY BABY#seriously why did he LEAVE THEM???? IZZY’S ONLY THING WAS ‘I CAN DIE BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FAMILY NOW’#WHY DID HE LEAVE THE FAMILY??? WHAT#ED DESERVES MORE THAN THAT!!! HE HASNT EVEN HAD ANY PROPER ALONE TIME TO DEAL WITH SHIT#and sorry but he and Stede need to be regulated by friends they cannot try build that shit alone yet#I feel confused like what actually was happening though. why did this feels so weird#they got problems that they need help with not to be isolated with a decrepit house#edward teach#ed teach#Blackbeard#ofmd#our flag means death
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sighs and collapses and disintegrates into the wind
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#cw vent post#ah yes. another restless nights sleep in a cold room bc i was too upset and sick to eat enough yesterday and my nightmares won’t let up and#my heater isn’t enough to warm the room when it’s this fucking cold outside. but it’s fine bc i don’t think i deserve to be warmer anyway#i should get water but i’ve been stuck laying here for an hour wondering if im racist and feeling like i should just. leave. or smthn. idk#i need a caregiver so there’s someone here to stop me from doomscrolling tumblr and reddit discourse for two hours before bed. lol#but ig no matter how careful i try to be there’ll always be part of me thats. unconsciously? racist? bc im white so its just part of me#idk im not educated enough to talk about it so i guess the real lesson to learn here is to keep my fucking mouth shut. which i can do!#i don’t. know how to apologize correctly. bc no one wants to hear me piss and moan abt my white guilt. if that’s what it even is#im too stupid to understand what to do or say and the more i type the worse it sounds so im just. sorry. i apologize for anything i’ve said#or done. that wasn’t right or was insensitive or thoughtless or uneducated or. whatever else it is i rlly don’t know#i didn’t mean to use AAVE. i really didn’t know. so i’ll go edit the tag where i used it but. that’s only one example. how many more am i#unaware of? how often do i put my foot in my mouth and not know it? im sorry. i’ll try to do better#but there’s so much to be mindful of that i can’t keep track of it all and it’s overwhelming me so i think i should just. be quiet.#‘always a fanfic writer at the scene of the crime’ i. didn’t know there was a connection between racism and fanfic. now im worried#was that just an easy jab to make bc it’s cringe or is it actually problematic. why does it seem like theres smthn wrong w everything i do#anyways. i have to stop thinking abt it or im gonna anxiety vomit. i could go lay on the couch#it in the only warm room of the house but it’s covered in dog hair and i hate the smell from the stupid fucking propane heater#it gives me a headache and makes me paranoid. why did he install gas heat when he could’ve gone with a heat pump. all he did was make#everything harder on everybody. so now we have dangerous gas heat in the winter and shitty mold-filled window ac units in the summer#when he could’ve installed a heat pump/ac unit combo thingy and we would’ve been good to go. why is he like this.#YOURE A GODDAMN ELECTRICIAN. HAVE BEEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. SO ACT LIKE IT.#im staying in bed. the rest of the house reeks of burnt plastic bc SOMEONE decided to take FOUR sedatives and drink a couple beers before#trying to use the stove to cook dinner :))) so now i have to figure out how to clean that up. i take back everything i said about winter#being my favorite season. this shit fucking sucks. there’s so much more to stress over and it’s all so much more expensive and exhausting#i never want another dog or cat ever again after these two pass. im not the person i once was and i cannot care for them like i used to.#i can’t even care for myself. couldn’t if i Wanted to right now bc everything is frozen solid. can’t shower. can’t do any laundry.#just get to sit here filthy cold and miserable in the one clean-ish sweater i have left for ? days until temps get back above freezing#anyways thats enough bitching abt my first world problems. time to shut up and be grateful for what i Do have bc it could be a Lot worse
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.◇ TW (vent )
(sorry if you see this ,you can scroll past it if you want i just wanted to write what happend in case i forget since my memoriescan get muddy )
#I hate my mother . yesterday on christmass eve#When i tried to talk to her about something she keep on ignoring me not listening to me even when i asked her first before someone else w#A conversation with her she stops an talk to a family member i got angry an refused to talk with her and leave an went upstairs#She then started to behave agreesive with me by holding my hand harshly or my belongings by carelessly moving it#When i was washing my legs with soap and water since i didnt get a chance to properly take a bath and my legs wasnt able to be wash#She angrily started to shout when she walk by me saying i dont behave right that not right in the head that if i psycho i will end up i#Ward one with crazy people and that no one will come for me#I Dont understand how wanting to clean my legs make me psycho sure i might have taken some more time than someone else to wash their legs#Does not mean im pscho or have mentel illness?!#Even if i do have one instead of being understanding they act as it wrong an that the problem lies with you like they arent the#One who donate to the problem . i cannot completely remember what she said it was more but that mostly about it#Just now today just because i was standing she saw me and aggresively trow the pee bucket near me that belong to a family member it#splathered on me The reason i know that is because she is one good terms with that family#Member she woldnt have trow it carelessly without a reason
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it happened so early in the morning and i am STILL frothing with rage over this text my boss sent me
#unreasonable unbelievable targeting me bullshit like what is your problem what is your PROBLEM#are you punishing me preemptively for telling you i'm going back to school? LOL? cuz sure That makes me wanna stay!#i am splitting so viciously on her right now and i can't even care to wish i wasn't#this was the last fucking straw mentally for me on Trusting This Boss#and i sure as shit can't trust the one above her#i am soooo mad i am so mad i am so mad i am so mad#i just want to be transferred out already and start part time work somewhere else NOW#if i can leave earlier i fucking will#i will be without insurance for a bit but i can try to get on some fast#i just. ooh! ooooh!!!! you little fucker!!!!!!!!#i cannot trust a single person in the front of the building anymore#and i have to sit next to my least favorite person in the back now#and i am just. utterly miserable right now i am Miserable at this job that isn't even as bad as it could be#but holy shit the petty condescending bullshit is driving me fucking up the wall#i can't look at any of them!!!! without feeling intense hatred!!!!#i have no social life outside of work and i can't talk to ANYONE there about this because it'd just find its way back to her!!!!#i can't tell HR because it's not that serious! except it's driving my mental health into a tailspin!#but i still can't tell anyone!!!!!!!! because what proof do i have that she's singling me out!#even tho she has NEVER FUCKING DONE THIS TO OR ABOUT OTHER PPL#i can't Prove that and i sure as shit can't sit down with her and talk to her about my feelings#no job is ever fucking safe to do that in#i just want to walk into a river honestly like i need work so i can pay for college but i wanna be in college already and be Out of here#i just wanna skip to the END of college when i'm actually able to be a nurse and i can feel less like the butt monkey at work#i hate hate HATE being at the bottom of the totem pole i am literally nothing there even though they need me to function#but oh my gd the Looks people give me when i walk in a room like they expect bad news or to be annoyed#sorry for asking questions! would you rather i fuck up and you have to clean up the mess?#i clean up everyone else's messes all day!#they ARE going to feel it when i am not there anymore#you'd think they wouldn't be such cunts to me now but Nope. nope! almost All cunts.#i am so fucking angry at my boss in particular though that text fucking triggered rage i haven't felt in months
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Bitches will see a cat outside and be like “is this anyone’s cat?” And trap it without waiting for a response (I’m bitches)
#the pumpkin speaks#hot take#if you leave a cat where I can take it that’s my cat now#(or at least a problem for you to retrive from animal control)#if I can physically get the cat into my car I’m taking it#if you didn’t chip your cat or give it ID and let it outside that’s a you problem#kitties belong in homes where they cannot become coyote snacks or roadkill#the real journal entry is in the tags#anyway I have 8 cats to take home rn lol
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my brother keeps taking my dang water cup c'mon man ! !
#just me hi#i have a cup specifically for water because if i don't i will simply Not Drink Water#and that can go on for much longer than healthy so lmfvsh#but he keeps TAKING it to wash it. i don't have a problem with the washing but he doesn't bring it BACK#Please brother. i'll die. audibly. that last part will be purposeful and loud. please#/i also have a cup specifically for everything But water#bc you cannot just simply rinse or wash a sticky cup. you have to use some funkin Elbow Grease in there and i Hate That lmdhv#plus i don't want to be thirsty and then have to go through the Process every single time. like i said i will just die. audibly. instead lo#it Is a little plastic cup that my mother bought when my youngest siblings were toddlers but man every other cup hurts my dang hands so it'#My cup now ehehehgh#<- that's the Sticky Liquids cup. Water Cup is green :) and also yellow but mostly green :)#it was not the colour i wanted but the other one was an awful shade of pink (<///3) and i like being able to just Know where it is on my#table when i need it lol :3#'keeps what about the bacteria' listen. Listen Listen. i'm going to die. audib-#//anywho i'm gonna ship off rn lol#that $1.75 is really in my brain atm.. ourgh........#it's either that or the pink brain disease gets me again. and ooouh boy will it Get me i know it hgkkfjvsh#//^ looked up pink brain disease and it gave me results for mercury poisoning#that kinda checks lmfvshjgb#/okay NOW i go. POW [poofs into a couple dry leaves]
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wow I hate everything abt the world
#this is about everything and nothing in particular. just one of those fucking days#I hate that there’s a fucking genocide and that joe fucking biden is going to lose this fucking election bc he’s fucking aiding and abetting#I hate that republicans are actively voting to make raped children give birth and that Trump is going to be fucking reelected#and that will be fucking national policy#I hate that some (white) bitches like to get up on their high horses abt how sexism isn’t a big problem for white women bc woc have always#had it worse#this is objectively true but it is also ok to acknowledge that white women have also been seen as property for hundreds of years#and have been blamed for being raped and forced to marry their rapists and been institutionalized bc their husbands said so#and have had no economic power and have been reliant on men for literally fucking everything until Extremely recently#YES this is all magnified for woc but it is so performative for white women to write screeds like this#on a fucking goodreads review (hypothetically speaking)#wow! I am angry about everything!!!#normally I can keep it in check but tonight it just one of those nights when I cannot. and here we are#also on a much more micro level! I hate that my dog was bitten by another dog and now is hurt and scared of other dogs!#and we can’t do almost anything to help her!#and I hate that all I wanted for dinner was pizza from my favorite spot in my hometown but that is 800 miles away#and I hate that I would love to be near family again but they live in a red state that is actively trying to overturn the will of its voters#and I hate that my husband wants to move back to his home state which is even redder#and I’d have to leave my job that I love and move to a state with much more existentially terrifying policy#and I love working for the state government but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to work for THAT state’s government#it’s just all bad I’m so pissed
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Tag drop: Solas
#[ solas: ic. ] the dread wolf inspired hope in my friends and fear in my enemies. not unlike “inquisitor” i suppose.#[ solas: inquiries. ] let me help you. / you cannot. there is no glory here. only a price that i alone will pay.#[ solas: countenance. ] i was solas first. “fen'harel” came later. an insult i took as as a badge of honor.#[ solas: introspection. ] war breeds fear. fear breeds a desire for simplicity. good and evil. right or wrong. chains of command.#[ solas: meta. ] just remember; an enemy can attack but only an ally can betray you. betrayal is always worse.#[ solas: etc. ] i have people; seeker. the greatest triumphs and tragedies this world has known can all be traced to people.#[ solas: mythal. ] they killed her. a crime for which an eternity of torment is the only fitting punishment.#[ solas: elvhenan. ] imagine beings who lived forever for whom magic was as natural as breathing. that is what was lost.#[ solas: fade. ] everything is a memory; they are easily muddied. they contain truths but reason and sense are required to extract it.#[ solas: skyhold. ] there is a place that waits for a force to hold it. there is a place where the inquisition can build… grow.#[ solas: inquisition. ] you created a powerful organization. and now it suffers the inevitable fate of such; betrayal and corruption.#[ solas: inquisitor. ] you hold the key to our salvation. you had sealed it with a gesture; and then i felt the whole world change.#[ solas: vhenan. ] you have a rare and marvelous spirit. in another world— / why not this one? / i can't.#[ solas: dorian. ] is that a problem for you? / no. no. you're a special and unique snowflake. live the dream.#[ solas: varric. ] you know what i like about you? your boundless optimism. / it's comforting that what qualities i lack; you invent.#[ solas: cassandra. ] i am impressed by your honesty and faith. it is a difficult path; but if anyone can walk it honourably. you can.#[ solas: cole. ] never forget your purpose; cole. it is a noble one. even if this world does not understand.#[ solas: vivienne. ] i leave you with the greatest curse of my people. dirthara ma. / what rustic curse is that? / 'may you learn.'#[ solas: blackwall. ] you have seen a great deal of battle. / we all have. / not like you. you live and breathe war. it's home to you.#[ solas: sera. ] i suppose now you’ll switch to how i’m the same but different? / you are the furthest from what you were meant to be.#[ solas: bull. ] what you think is what you say and do. / even peasants may find freedom in the safety of thought; you take even that.#tag drop#[ solas. ] to the people i was fen'harel. to my enemies i was the dread wolf. but i was neither. i was just solas.
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