#now back to our many Problems and Issues that we definitely handle like mature adults.

[quietwingsinthesky]

absolute funniest thing about torchwood is how the show tries to insist at first that the rest of the team doesn't know that jack harkness can't die. jack harkness, a man known for his incredible subtlety and how much he definitely doesn't die on a regular basis. jack harkness who spends his days in mortal danger around them on a regular basis. jack harkness who has zero self-preservation skills anymore because he stopped needing them. we're meant to believe these guys never had any clue that he's immortal.

[bayern-moni]

On the scale of 0-10, how much do you want to kick Madara's ass, Mito?

Mito: It goes between 7/10 in normal circumstances to 1000/10 when he purposely behaves like a scassapalle ( = pain in the ass but not quite that exactly).

Sometimes, I do want to kick his ass because it seems to be the only thing able to stop him from being too unnecessarily contrarious just for the sake of it, in a self-(and others)destructive way. Because, sometimes, Madara isn't able to see his own bullshit if nobody points it out to him, but unfortunately the only way Madara'd let himself listen to others' reason is if that person is able to beat it into him.

So be it, I'm fine with it and he is too. We made this deal and that's the start of our friendship, did you know?

So, I don't really want to kick Madara's ass per se, most of the time, even though he IS aggravating more often than what it's healthy. And grumpy, and rude, jumpy, spiteful, unforgiving, paranoid old-born man. Although his discretion, sarcastic spite and no-bullshit attitude can even be useful and entertaining when directed to the right people (and when you know how to channel him into them to prevent him from spiraling into even more twisted dramatics than those you're trying to run from). The point I'm trying to make is: you learn to handle a fight-or-fight, cornered and blunt cat and you'll know how to deal with Madara. So, I managed to reach a mutually respectful relationship with him, in spite of everything, because when he's not being ... well, himself, he's a very intelligent man and I enjoy our conversations. Although I really did want to kick his ass when I had no choice but to seal the Kyuubi into myself to help Hashirama in the Valley of the End. Because, only because HE thought that bringing a fucking Bijou at the edge of the village in order to fight Hashirama was a good idea, it does not mean that it is one. It wasn't. Not in the least, it was unnecessary and dramatic, even by his standards. I made peace with the fact I'm the first jinchuriki in Konoha early, so it's less of a big deal than it could have been, but still.

Paradoxically, I have to admit that the moments when I find him most annoying are those when he isn't even there. I'm talking about my own husband's apparent obsession with him and the (too many, if you ask me) times he just can't seem to be able to shut up about him. He told me the river story so many times I'm sure I could recite it in my sleep. I'm starting to feel like I'll be better off asking for a divorce and leave Hashirama to him out of spite. I'm sure my sanity would thank me if I did, but unfortunately I love Hashirama very much so I won't. Madara'd send him back to me within a day when the urge to strangle him for his overbearing attitude becomes too much, anyway, so it wouldn't even be a problem. In fact complaining about Hashirama's obnoxious antics with Madara is always funny, when I hear of people thinking that Hashi is a cause of contention/dislike between us I think it's just plain stupid, it's not like that at all. I know that Hashirama loves me, like he loves his brother, even Madara in a sense as well as the village.

But sometimes I feel as if all the years he spent associating his idea of peace with the alliance with the Uchiha, consequently his unwavering conviction that the only way he could achieve both was to necessarily bind Madara, the Uchiha clanhead, back to their old bond whatever it took (because it wasn't broken it was still there no matter what anyone thought it still was a gift from the divine) made him come to unconsciously link in his mind the very village's hopes of stability with Madara's own very ill-balanced stability and good will towards it.

In Hashirama's world, if Madara is pacified and he doesn't disrupt the village's armony for any reason, then the village will be fine, but the opposite is also true. Village is peace, peace is the dream, the village is the(ir?) dream (transitive property is the key here), but there's a sour, dissonant note: that's a very dangerous, unstable line of thinking, for all of us, himself and Madara included.

Because, differently from what Hashirama thinks, in Madara's vision, himself and that dream no longer coincide since when their bond was severed and it awakened his Sharingan at the river as a consequence. Their very definitions of that dream differed at the root. The mechanism stopped working, the gears need to be rearranged, not to be seen as the same as before, in order to keep working together. He's not the same as when they were little anymore and it isn't even only about Izuna's death but Madara himself. In fact it started before that, Izuna's death is one of the aggravating factors, not the trigger. Hashirama deep down knows it but he vehemently insists on ignoring it with all his might and that's what is deepening the fracture between them.

Hashirama refuses to see Madara for what he is but he wants to see only the kid he met at the river, because that kid is the one who gave Hashirama the confidence that his dream was possible. He still, genuinely, stubbornly believes that that kid still exists somewhere, because he must exist, because if Madara still believes in their village and keeps on giving him that confidence (that is, if Madara still behaves with Hashirama like that kid would, even while slowly breaking beyond repair on the inside), then eventually all will be fine and everything will adjust itself given enough time and hope. But when he doesn't, Hashirama becomes nearly paranoid and desperately tries whatever he can think of in the hope of tying Madara to their dream of the village again, this time possibly forever and indefinitely: calling him his brother (as if for Madara their real brothers weren't the only real bond while theirs is a breaking thread next to a fine but now forever severed cloth); nudging him to see Konoha villagers as they were his new family now that he lost his own (well knowing what kind of visceral bond that'd be if it were completed given that Madara is involved); giving him hope that he could be Hokage, a hope Hashirama didn't know it'd be crushed and burned to the roots by such a public humiliation. The worst part is that Hashirama doesn't even seem to be aware of half of these psychological issues of his. However, that's the person Hashirama sees, not the real Madara, never his adult, despairing, fierce-but-borderline-suicidal version. And Madara knows it, he resents it and will keep to silently poison himself with that knowledge in total, stubborn solitude until it will inevitably make him rot to the bone and erase the rest of the world with him. All of this while seeing all the underlying not-yet-born-but-still-there faults in the village's very system and Hashirama's rule! But, instead of just saying it so we can try to limit the damage, he just keeps them for himself as the indisputable proof of how the whole system is doomed to failure. To be honest, I do know why he doesn't talk, though, and that's because nobody'd listen to what is only considered an unstable, belligerent madman's apocalyptic words, no matter how prophetic they'll reveal themselves to be in the years. These are still other big reasons why I want to kick his ass, though, and I suspect that he knows. Count another reason, then.

They are just... Ahrg. Just talk, guys, like the mature people you ARE supposed to be but will never be. You understand that I'm in the middle of that, don't you? It gives me a massive headache on a good day and lately more often than not they make it a shitty day. I'm tired of constantly having to listen to Hashirama complaining about Madara this, Madara that, just because they're not sincere enough to just TALK and settle their differences within the limits of what it's actually possible, and because they don't talk about it (and when they do it seems like they are threading through two or three different discourses at the same time that nothing have to do with the problem at hand) they will never understand each other like they clearly need to and then we have to solve all the problems their bullshit leaves behind.

I'm not saying that they could resolve those problems by just talking, because they are too big for only the two of them and they often involve how something like world peace should be achieved. So, you understand why they'll never see eye to eye on that. But talking could be a start.

Mine feels like a full-time, underpaid and overly frustrating, babysitting job. Sometimes, I just want to kick both of their asses for being purposely (Madara) and unconsciously (Hashirama) difficult.

Sorry for my ramblings, but as a woman, a kunoichi and a wife I needed to vent a bit and too few people ask for my opinion nowadays, our self-appointed author first and foremost.

P. S.: I do want to kick his ass when he steals my hairpins out of spite after I have beaten him and Tobirama at shogi. 8/10, then.

For @dinainwater

It definitely got out of hand in the end 🤣 Rambling has always been a problem for me and rarely I manage to actually restrain myself, but I promise eventual next answers won't be this long. So, I hope it hasn't bored you (?) 😅. But I felt like Mito needed to make her opinion matter, so it was worth!

(If the reasoning explained above seemed twisted and unnecessarily difficult, it's because those two have a deeply unhealthy relationship)

However, thank you for your ask like always and I hope you enjoyed it 😁 whatever other question is always welcomed, don't worry 😊

*

[lesbianrobin]

i think season three is good, but there are a few things about it that absolutely enrage me to an overdramatic amount, and here i shall list them lol. also this will be in more than one ask because i have too many thoughts. ok, the first is how hopper went from trying his best to threatening children, having that "girls can't choose who they date they aren't smart" mindset, gaslighting Joyce/not believing her when she has basically always been correct, and tricking her into a date?? 1/? lol

next, i hate how they went "here, take billy's sad childhood and him saving el and forgive his racist actions! go! FETCH!" and we were supposed to be like "yayyy! what a nice guy!!!" you know? like... a sad childhood isn't redemption? it may vaguely explain things, but not excuse them? i also was disappointed with el and max's friendship being based off them being mean to their (admittedly mediocre) boyfriends? like- yall are in 8th grade dating sucks why are we being mean just communicate? 2/?

and it felt like max and el's friendship was supposed to come of as this "wow FEMINISM!" thing, and it really wasn't at all? i mean i could totally see kids perceiving this "girls rule boys drool" thing as empowering, but i just wish that if they are going to go the whole (adorable) "sleepovers, wonder woman, shopping, normal, not-supernaturalish (if that makes sense)" female friendship, they didn't base it on... well... men?

(i'm sorry i'm saying so much lol) they are also setting up problems for character development and writing. if they continue to add characters for no reason, characters are going to keep loosing purpose because there are less roles to fill than actual characters. Admittedly, the characters they add for seemingly no reason are usually so fun that i end up shutting my mouth and taking back my complaint? like max, robin, erica, not you billy, alexi, heather, etc. 4/? (i'm so sorry i'm hyperfixated)

and don'T EVEN GET ME STARTED (lmao i've clearly started) ON THE RUSSIAN STUFF?! LIKE WHAT!??!? WHO IS THIS TERMINATOR BITCH AND WHY WAS ~HE~ THE ONE TO KILL OF A NEW LOVABLE SIDE CHARACTER??? AND WHY IS HOPPER RECKLESSLY KILLING??? (sorry i am yelling the anger is not at you, you seem lovley) LIKE WHAT?!? tHIS TOXIC MASCULINITY HOPPER CRAP NEEDS TO CEASE PLEASE, I BEG. anyway there was no point to making the terminator guy other than a reference. ok i think i'm done?? thanks for listening lol.

so i’m gonna be honest man the only thing i agree with you on is that the way they handled billy was bullshit. i wholeheartedly disagree with all the rest but i’m very glad you got it all off your chest kjdcnmnd like. i’m gonna share my thoughts on some of this and i REALLY don’t mean to be rude i just like talking about stranger things so please don’t take this as me trying to argue or whatever bc that is not my intention!!

so i don’t think hopper having a problem with el and mike has anything to do with him thinking el isn’t smart or that she can’t make her own decisions. el’s a kid, and she’s only been allowed to be a kid for like... two years, max? he’s worried that she’s growing up too fast, mourning the inevitable end of her childhood which has just barely begun, and yeah, he’s overprotective, too, but he’s pretty clearly painted as being in the wrong for how he handled things. he changed his ways by the end of the season, and through the speech he wrote it’s clear that his issues stemmed from his own fears of her growing up, not from him thinking she was stupid. change isn’t typically sudden or easy, and i really do think that hopper was trying his best at the start of s3 (he lets el hang out with her friends as much as she wants, trusts her to roam freely and keep herself safe, etc). he just still had a little way to go.

i also don’t personally see how hopper “tricked” joyce into a date when she agreed to go and then didn’t show up. joyce is an adult, and she was perfectly capable of telling hopper no (she actually did tell him no once, and then didn’t object later). he was never threatening or manipulative to her. he was a total bitch after he got stood up, and they did overdo it, but he most certainly wasn’t gaslighting her. he genuinely didn’t think that there was something going on! he thought she was paranoid due to her trauma, trauma that he personally has been through and is sympathetic to. he still helped her check things out, even when he didn’t think there was a real problem, because he wanted to give her peace of mind. while you can argue he was dumb or disrespectful not to believe her, he didn’t have any intention of making joyce feel crazy or of deceiving her.

and the reason that the kids aren’t communicating well in s3 is because they’re... well, kids. have you ever seen an eighth-grade relationship where both parties communicate maturely about their problems? if they were older i would agree that the conflict was dumb, but it makes perfect sense for kids their age. i also don’t really have an issue (personally) with how the elmax friendship started. the whole point is that el came to max asking for dating advice, and max shows el that she doesn’t have to revolve her whole life around her boyfriend, she can develop her own identity and be her own person.

a lot of people in the fandom share your trepidation about adding new characters, so i’m definitely outnumbered here, but i don’t personally have a problem with it at all. i think alexei could have been better-utilized, but his existence didn’t interfere or detract from anything with existing characters. in fact, i think he gave murray some more development and allowed for more dynamic interactions between joyce and hopper. max and robin were both “new characters,” and i’m not being hyperbolic when i say they’re two of the best-written and best-acted characters in the show. when i go back and watch s1 now, things just feel wrong without max, and robin is a revelation. i think that adding new characters makes the world of stranger things feel more organic and allows for the stakes to remain somewhat high without making the writers feel like they have to kill off one of our beloved OGs. 

russian terminator... yeah you’re right that shit was weird as fuck. i don’t think hopper killing the dudes down in the base was “toxic masculinity” or anything though like he’s a veteran and the guys he killed were all soldiers and he was just trying to get to the gate to shut it down no matter the cost, yknow? it was a matter of life and death, and with a giant monster trying to kill his daughter i think him killing anyone in the way of him preventing that is kind of... fair. but yeah i don’t really get the point of terminator guy like it was so fucking weird sdknckdnm

thanks for the asks!!! the fandom’s been kinda dead lately and it’s so fun to still be able to talk about st!!

[second-chance-stray]

(Split Ends) RP Log: Cravs, Riylli, and Rising revisit Baldur in Limsa Lominsa.

Cravendy Hound - After entrusting Baldur, the ill-fated boy, to the healers based in Limsa Lominsa, the trio decided to head back to the company...at Crav's insistence, really. Every extra second spent in the maritime city was a second too much. And so, after taking the aetheryte home, we find the three on the company lawn.

Riylli Aliapoh lets out a stretch as they arrive, a bit groggy from the teleporting. "It's a shame you missed it Cravs, Rising ran in while I was castin' one of my spells and I knocked her a clean 20 fulms in the air!" She said, grinning with a bit too much pride. She then seemed to remember Rising was still there. "...By the way, you okay?"

Rising Lotus was patched up after their encounter as well, her right arm was coating in bandages, along with some other patches along the exposed skin of her body. She winced with each step, the healers picking all the needles from her form and now leaving her body to do the rest of the healer. She merely grumbled as Riylli spoke to her, putting her weight on her spear to take some of it off her leg.

Cravendy Hound: "Magic and melee don't mix, Riylli. But, er, 'ow are ye 'oldin' up, Risin'? That injury ye got looked somethin' fierce."

Riylli Aliapoh rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, taking that as a 'no'. She turned back to Cravs, deciding to ignore the issue like a mature adult. "So... Y'wanna tell us what that was all about? Why're you goin' so far to help this guy's kid?"

Rising Lotus: "...I'll be fine. Kinda a feel like layin' down." she glanced at Riylli, nodding afterwards "Aye. I'm curious 'bout that too."

Cravendy Hound: "I'm still confused 'ow a cactaur of all things made it to La Noscea. Could be a freak accident, but somethin' about it doesn't sit right with me." She sighs in thought, brow knitted and bothered. "....Ah. Uh. I guess I owe ye all an explanation."

Riylli Aliapoh plopped herself down on the step, ready for a story

Cravendy Hound: "Oi, get up! I-I'm not gonna bore ye with all the details," Cravs stammers. "Look. I made a promise to the kid's father. 'is dyin' wish was to see his son grow strong, with his own strength."

Riylli Aliapoh tilted her head. "...Y'know... It aint really his own strength if we had to step in to help... You sure you should be meddlin' like this? I mean, it was just a little cactus thing"

Rising Lotus "...Someone might not want that. I remember the merchant mentionin' somethin' 'bout some folk not carin' for him or his family or somethin'." she shrugs, wincing in pain afterwards "...also cactuar are from Thanalan, don't know how one would of gotten there."

Cravendy Hound nods to Riylli. "I agree, and originally, I just wanted to see if 'e was doin' okay. But this cactaur business...I think someone /else/ is meddlin' with 'im. And if we meddle to remove the meddler, then it'll cancel out, right?"

Riylli Aliapoh 's ears perked up in interest. "Y'mean someone left that cactus out there to take the kid out? Who exactly was this kid's sire? Why's he got so many enemies that would go so far as to try and kill his kid after he's already gone?"

Cravendy Hound shifts in place, heat under the collar. Unusually, she speaks slowly and thoughtfully, as if the wrong word could set off a mine. "Kid's father was a pirate captain, but one with...'onor, I suppose. Steal from the rich, give to the poor. Which lead 'im to rob from the same, powerful set of targets."

Cravendy Hound: "If ye got raided by Captain Thorne, ye didn't -just- lose yer shite. It was a kind of...a mark. A blow to yer pride, and that didn't sit well the rich."

Riylli Aliapoh thinks about this for a moment. "...So if we know who the targets are, why don't we just hop over an' kick their teeth in? Bet that'd gettem to stop messin' with the kid!"

Rising Lotus huffs, closing her eyes tightly for a few moments before glaring at Cravs. "...So what's gonna happen when these powerful targets  learn we're helpin' the kid? Last thing I need is to be marked like the boy, or if they learn we work for Heartwood an' create problems for the others."

Cravendy Hound: "That's step one. Gotta find who's still got it out for the kid, out of a handful of options." She then turns to Rising. "As long as we don't do anythin' illegal we should be alright. And we can threaten to expose 'ow they torment a kid to keep them from doin' anything to us."

Cravendy Hound: "Nothin' illegal, alright? That means even if they're an ass, we can't just kick their teeth in." Cravs lectures to Riylli.

Riylli Aliapoh frowned. "It aint illegal if they're a bad guy! And ain’t kickin' teeth in how pirates settle their differences anyroad?"

Rising Lotus tried to give Cravs a skeptical look, but just ended up grimacing from the shift of posture, then just looked exhausted. "That ain't how it work if you're rich. Can get away with anythin'."

Cravendy Hound: "That's not 'ow the law works! And while that may be 'ow we settle problems on water, on land...under the Admiral's stink eye, we'd probably cause more trouble doin' that."

Cravendy Hound: "The rich still 'ave their pride. I'm thinkin' if word got out that the bugger pesters a goddamn child for 'is late father's legacy, it'd be enough to twist their arm."

Riylli Aliapoh looked to Rising, then to Cravs, and then up to the sky as she let out an exasperated sigh. "...Y'see? This is exactly why we Miqo'te got our own rules..." She grumbled, before finally looking back down. "Fine! We'll do it your way! But if any of 'em tries to swing at me it's fair game, yeah?"

Rising Lotus grumbled, pretty much done with the day. "Well in the case it does go tits up, we can handle ourselves much better than that boy I 'spose."

Cravendy Hound nods. What an exhausting day. "...well. Ye look like ye could use two days worth of sleep, Risin'. That's all I 'ad to say."

Riylli Aliapoh hops to her feet and dusts off her pants. "Alright! Just gimme a shout whenever you get a lead or whatever. Always happy to lend my skills to a good cause!" She flashes Cravs a grin, and very pointedly tries not to look over to the wounded Rising

Rising Lotus "...Aye. You know how to reach us. Though we ought to expect somethin' worse than a cactuar next time." she sighed and started making her way toward the door.

(Cravendy Hound) seems a good place to timeskip to next scene? any last posts and then :P )) (Rising Lotus) I'm good!)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Timeskip ready! (Cravendy Hound) AAAHH that outfit!!! )) (Cravendy Hound) the blade harness xD )) (Rising Lotus) Oh yeah I don't think you've seen her in it yet!)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (No fair, its so hard to get glams for Riylli ;-; (Cravendy Hound) it looks extremely good )) (Cravendy Hound) *timeskips in same outfit* xD )) (Cravendy Hound) HERE we can at least start in the company so it doesn't feel like, literally seconds after xD )) (Rising Lotus) Guess we'll have to have a fashion montage for Riylli at some point)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Yknow what, its totally canon that RIylli only has one set of clothes (Cravendy Hound) ahahaha )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Oh, I DO actually have a glamour change! (Rising Lotus) so pick out something new then we can figure out how she got it!)) (Riylli Aliapoh) (alakazam (Rising Lotus) mask (Cravendy Hound) fjkdslf just the gloves?! )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Theyre bandages ^o^ Shes been practicing the fire spell! (Rising Lotus) Damn I thought you were just going to throw that mask on xD))

Cravendy Hound - A week later, Cravs has reached out to Riylli and Rising for company (or maybe help?) again. It's related to the business in Limsa Lominsa, and she's wearing her disguise dress again. Oh boy.

Rising Lotus was eyeing the bandages wrapped around Riylli's hands. "...How's that fire spell going?"

Riylli Aliapoh grins to Rising. "It's goin' well! I got the basic formula down, just gotta work on intensity and duration!" She beams proudly, giving Rising a bandaged thumbs up.

Cravendy Hound: "That...looks painful."

Riylli Aliapoh gives a mock bow. "You gotta suffer for art y'know"

Rising Lotus couldn't help but smirk at Riylli's enthusiasm. "...We'll get it down before you touch anythin' we fish up..or the lava." she turned her attention to Cravs, holding back a snicker at seeing her dolled up again. "You find out more 'bout the boy then?"

Cravendy Hound: "Seems ye got some more sufferin' to do then," Cravs notes in a bright tone.

Cravendy Hound: "Right, the Baldur business - I narrowed it down to a couple of names. But that's as far as I can go gatherin' information out 'ere. Thought it'd be more efficient to ask the kid 'imself. Which means." Cravs gestures to her outfit. "I'll need some escorts to talk for me once we're in Limsa again."

Riylli Aliapoh was clearly enjoying the attention, but quieted down to let Cravs speak. "Why not just talk to the kid as Cravs? If he's lost his sire, it... might be nice for him to know he's still got people close to him out there..."

Rising Lotus "Hmm...'spose maybe she doesn't want him to turn her in for the gil? If he really needs to be supportin' him an' his mom anyway." she shrugged. "Doesn't look like the type to sell out someone who's helpin' him though."

Cravendy Hound went as white as a sheet at the suggestion. "A-ah, that's...Uhh, we've got, um. A misunderstandin' between us. If 'e knew it was me, 'e'd flip out for sure. Trust me, it's easier this way." Cravs clears her throat and then hurries out before Riylli or Rising can ask further.

Cravendy Hound - The trip over is pretty awkward. If the subject was brought up again, Cravs would simply pick up the pace and pretend not to hear. And, once the trio were in Limsa, her lips were sealed, clarification frustratingly out of reach. That said, she was definitely walking somewhere with purpose.

Rising Lotus gave up askin' fairly quick, she knew she wouldn't get anywhere at the moment. She'd pry it out of her later though, one way or another. "So... you know what he'll be up to today? Or you jus' hopin' we run into him?"

Riylli Aliapoh wouldn't bring it up again, at the very least smart enough to see Cravs didn't want to talk about it. Instead, she would offer fun facts of things she had learned so far in her research. "...So, did you guys know that a forge runs hotter than lava?"

Cravendy Hound mimes holding something heavy and swinging it around. And to Riylli's fact, she gives the miqo'te a doubting look. Really?

Riylli Aliapoh nods. "Yeah! Turns out lava is only like... half as hot as your average blacksmith forge! It aint even hot enough to melt iron! Makes my job easier, but it's kinda disappointin' y'know?"

(Riylli Aliapoh) (Thank you for subscribing to Lava Facts)

Cravendy Hound desperately wants to ask if that's how Riylli has been testing her fire shield spell - by dunking her hands in a forge. Cravs moves her hands around as if dipping them in something.

Riylli Aliapoh tilts her head, unable to figure out the mimicry. "Can't you like... at least whisper or somethin' when were alone? Surely they don't got ears everywhere?"

Cravendy Hound looks around and finds it acceptably empty. "Did ye dunk yer 'ands in the forge to test yer spell?!" She whisper-yells.

Rising Lotus narrowed her eyes at Cravs "...So he's... carrying somethin'.. then puttin' it in the oven?" she seemed to be combining the conversations. Then Cravs actually spoke. "Oohh you're talkin' 'bout that. I hope you didn't do that, use a fire or somethin' first Riylli."

Riylli Aliapoh blinks at her. "What? You crazy? What if the spell failed?" She said, shaking her head. "Nah, I've been usin' a campfire! Got a problem with the magic runnin' out too fast though..." She muttered, rubbing her poor cooked hands

Cravendy Hound stifles back laughter, and pats Riylli on the back. There there.

Rising Lotus: "I can get ya some cream for that. Know a gobbie that makes some quality stuff. Don't worry it works too, used it after gettin' a nasty burn from some giant bug sparyin' me with gunk."

Riylli Aliapoh grumbles and glares up at Cravs at the treatment, but lets it slide since she couldn't tell if it was meant to be mocking or not. "...That'd be great, thanks. I don't gotta pay for it, right?"

Cravendy Hound: "Bug....gunk? Bug gunk...That sounds. Hm." Cravs raises a brow at Rising but doesn't say more.

Rising Lotus "Well I ought to considerin' how you made me a pin cushion on our last outin' together." she snickered a bit, the first time she cracked a joke about it. "But nah, he owes me one anyhow. Next time I'm up there I'll grab ya some." she gave Riylli a firm pat on the back.

Riylli Aliapoh grumbled again, but couldn't really argue back. "...Thanks." She muttered, not exactly enthused about all this back-patting she was receiving

Cravendy Hound had earlier given Rising a notepad with names written in it. One of them, hopefully, belonged to the person who was harassing the kid. Her heels clicking on the docks, Cravs would eventually lead the little crew to a dusty corner of Limsa where the kid (B) was presently practicing his form with the ax.

Cravendy Hound - The heavy ax is far too big for the kid. Every swing pulls him comically forward with the weapon. He stops his 'practice' and looks up at the approaching trio with a wide smile. "I remember you two! You helped me with that monster the other day."

(Cravendy Hound) more back pats )) (Cravendy Hound) i demand more )) (Rising Lotus) I feel like Riylli and Rising would have back pats that would eventually devolve into a hitting contest)) (Cravendy Hound) actually cravs and rising would have to squat down to pat Riylli's back ahah - otherwise it'd be a head pat )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Cravs and Rising know it's too dangerous to headpat Riylli, they'd probably get bit (Cravendy Hound) sometimes my tall friends would use my head as an arm rest.....annoyed me, and yet I can see Cravs doing that to Riylli lmao )) (Rising Lotus) I've done that to my shorter friends before xD))

Riylli Aliapoh perked up as she got recognized by the kid, offering him a friendly wave. "Hey! How are you holdin' up after all them needles?"

Rising Lotus watches the boy fling himself with his strikes, smirking with every swing.  "Aye that was us." she eyed up his weapon for a few moments. "You ought to get somethin' a bit lighter by the way, gonna leave yourself open if you take too long liftin' your weapon."

Cravendy Hound - The kid bashfully itches the tip of his nose. "I'm doing fine, thanks to you all...Woke up on the softest bed I've ever been on in my life, healing expenses all covered." Baldur's eyes drift over to Cravs, and then back to Riylli and Rising. "Oh, I plan to! I'm just using this old thing because it was the only thing I could afford. Once I earn enough, I'll buy a better one...after everything else, haha."

Cravendy Hound turns away, avoiding eye contact. It's overkill given that she's wearing a mask.

Rising Lotus eyed Cravendy, she had to pay for the needle removal out of her pocket. "...well I'm sure them healers were excited for the chance to de-needle someone. Don't see many cactuar over here after all, bit strange." she nodded as he brought up upgrading his armor and weapon. "A good set of armor is jus' as important as a good weapon, smart thinkin'."

Riylli Aliapoh nudged Rising with her foot to try and bring her back to the task at hand, snatching the list out of her hands. "Hey, so... Were kinda lookin' into something, think you might be able to help us out? You know any of the names on this list?"

Cravendy Hound - Baldur nods enthusiastically, dreads bouncing on top of his head. Admiration for Rising and Riylli is practically gushing from every inch of the kid. "So that was a cactaur? I've never seen one before."

Cravendy Hound - Baldur snaps into attention. "Oh, right away! I'd be thrilled to help you two out. Let's see..." He takes the list and scans it. "Only this last one. Mindred Rot. She's who I go to if I need a loan."

Rising Lotus "Aye, I grew up 'round them, used to hit them with sticks then ru-" she glanced at Riylli as she bumped her and had the list snatched away.

(Cravendy Hound) dfsd hit them with sticks and run???? chaos child )) (Rising Lotus) She didn (Rising Lotus) didn't have toys or anything xD Played with bugs and lizards and cactuars))

Riylli Aliapoh raised her eyebrow at the name. "...'Mindred Rot'? Well that's a bad guy name if I've ever heard one." She said, nodding along until she remembered Cravs' full name. "Er... Right, anyroad, what's she like? If she lends you money she can't be that bad, right?"

(Riylli Aliapoh) (Poor riylli about to learn the horrors of capitalism)

Cravendy Hound - Baldur smiles as he hands the list back to Riylli. "Oh, yeah, her name's pretty rotten. But in some ways...she looks after me. No one else'll give my family loans."

Rising Lotus "You need to get out of the woods more..." she shook her head at Riylli's comment. She hummed at Baldur's words about the woman. "Hmm, how generous of her."

Riylli Aliapoh wrinkled her nose. "Honestly I'd rather get out of the woods less... How in the world do you lot handle that salt in the air?"

Cravendy Hound - Baldur's gaze wanders to Rising's axe, and then to Riylli's staff. "So, you two must be adventurers, huh? You think you could teach me a thing or two? Punch better, smarter, harder? Oh, and! I didn't mean to be rude." He turns to Cravs. "Who's your friend?"

Rising Lotus Grinned, giving him a nod. "Aye! Do a lot of guard an' merc work. Takin' me all over, mostly back an' forth between Idyllshire an' places though. This one is still gettin' her footin' for it though." she snickered a bit as she eyed Riylli. "Oh, an' that's Singin' Gull. She's uh...a great singer an' has to save her voice most the time. We're guardin' her on her...singing journey?"

Riylli Aliapoh puffed her chest out. "Yup! Name's Riylli, Warrior of Earth!" she declared proudly, possibly forgetting Cravs and Rising were in earshot. "I'm a master of earth magic, but I'm sure I could give you some tips! Oh, and this is..." She trails off, staring at Cravs as her mind blanks on what her alias was. Thankfully Rising was there to have her back, though the Roegadyn still earned herself a glare from her little comment

Cravendy Hound 's frown twitches slightly. Singing Gull the Singer. Really? But she goes along with it anyway.

Cravendy Hound - Baldur's mouth forms an 'o' in awe. "Idyllshire? Never even heard of the place. Sounds cool though...And magic? How would I even start?" He turns back for a second to rest his rusty axe against a crate, and then hops right back into the conversation. "Like, just think really hard and magic happens? Hrrrghhhh.."

Riylli Aliapoh shook her head at the kid. "Nah, it aint that simple. It's more like... Y'know how you can move your fingers with your mind? You basically do that, but you move your aether about instead, and get THAT aether to move the aether OUTSIDE of you, and... Honestly I might not remember all the lessons, it's kinda just a reflex at this point. But you shouldn't be wastin' your talents on magic anyroad! You're a highlander right? You're gonna have plenty of muscle when you grow up, you should use-

Riylli Aliapoh -that instead!"

Rising Lotus could talk for hours about Idyllshire, but she resisted and tried to steer the conversation back on topic, which of course meant giving Riylli a light smack to the arm to get her to focus up. "Anyway, you know were we could find this Rot lady? Gull here is lookin' for gil for her next performance an' were hopin' to find some donations."

Cravendy Hound - Baldur is trying so hard to follow Riylli's explanation, but it leaves the poor kid's brain all tangled. "Huh, what? Huh? Uhh, oh, you want to meet Miss Rot? She's usually really busy so I have to schedule in advance. But I can ask if she's free to meet you all next time."

Riylli Aliapoh sighs. "Y'mean we gotta come all the way out here again..? Fine, I guess... Not like we can just go kick the doors down and demand to talk to her after all..." She muttered, offering a small glare to Cravs out of the corner of her eye

Rising Lotus cleared her throat, glaring at Riylli as she glared at Cravs "We'd appreciate that, jus' say that..uh..an up an' comin' singer is lookin' for fundin'. " she gave Baldur a nod, hoping that selling Cravs like that would make her the perfect target for a loan shark.

Cravendy Hound looks similarly annoyed, but shakes her head no to Riylli. It's not like they could go in there with wild accusations anyway - seemed worth strategizing over first.

Cravendy Hound - With the night fast approaching, Cravs motions with her hand to signal her intention to head home. Without bothering to wave goodbye to Baldur, she walks on ahead.

Rising Lotus watches Crav hurry away. "Uh sorry..." she put her hand to her mouth to muffle her words "Sort of a diva that one. Good luck out there lad!" she gave him a thumbs up before hurrying after 'Singing Gull'.

Riylli Aliapoh sighed once for not being allowed to rampage mindlessly, then once more as Cravs walked away without saying bye to the kid. She offers Baldur a wave. "You keep practicin' okay? We'll come by and see you again later, and maybe I'll share some of my adventurin' secrets with you!"

Cravendy Hound is a good distance ahead. As she passes by a stranger, there's some kind of odd collision that ends up tripping Cravs. Her mask drops off and rolls a few ilms forward as the stranger awkwardly, but quickly, makes their escape without even a sorry.

Cravendy Hound scrambles to recover the headware and fasten it back on. By the time Riylli and Rising have caught up, she's still kneeled over on the floor, troubled.

Riylli Aliapoh pretty much has to run to keep up with Cravs' long-legged walking, blinking in confusion as she notices her state. "H-Hey, you alright?"

Rising Lotus hurries to catch up to Cravs, quickly stepping in front of her to shield her face as she glanced around. "Aye..did you know that man or somethin'?"

Cravendy Hound: "I'm fine. Rattled is all." She whispers as she wobbles back up and takes a deep breath. ".....no, I didn't recognize them."

Rising Lotus looked around at the few bystanders eyeing the scene. "Maybe it'd be best to get out of here...before there's a chance to cause more of a scene." she said the last part in a whisper. Last thing they needed was the yellow jackets upon them.

Riylli Aliapoh raises her arm up seemingly to try to comfort her, only to hesitate and lower it back down. "...Let's talk outside of the city, all this salt is starting to make me sick..." She says, awkwardly attempting to give Cravs an out

Cravendy Hound: "...Right. No point in worrying about it now. Let's just get out of 'ere." She mutters.

[justfinishedreading]

I started October thinking ‘man, I have so many manga to review I’m going to be posting stuff every other day!’. Didn’t happen.

A Bride’s Story, Volume 1, by Kaoru Mori

This manga is set in nineteenth-century central Asia, along the Silk Road, it’s the story of a twenty-year-old woman sent from her nomadic tribe to marry a twelve-year-old boy in a settled clan. They arrange the marriage in order to maintain family bonds between the two households.

This was never going to be an easy read but let me start with the positive; visually A Bride’s Story is utterly beautiful, Kaoru Mori draws with a level of detail I have never before encountered in manga. Written literature is often placed above graphic novels with the excuse that there’s more artistry and depth when a world is bring created solely through vast amounts of words rather than images, and yet here is a case where literature could never compete. The written word could never compete with Mori’s exquisite illustrations of nomadic dress, patterned carpets and wood carvings. In A Bride’s Story we get a full visual experience of a culture and way of life that is now rare.

Story-wise this manga falls neatly into the ‘show, don’t tell’ approach of storytelling: lesser mangas would have the characters openly and plainly discussing themes, telling the audience exactly what they should think and what they should take away from the book, but A Bride’s Story presents this time and culture in a neutral way, with both negatives and positives alongside each other, leaving the reader free to assess their own feelings.

Spoilers ahead

Amir, the female protagonist, is warmly welcomed into her new husband’s family. When we think of a young woman having to marry a child in our minds the situation is horrific, to not be able to choose your own husband and on top of that to be forever tied, socially and legally, to a child is the sort of thing made for tragedy. Luckily for Amir her new husband, twelve-year-old Karluk, is good-natured and is full of admiration for his wife. Amir came from a nomadic tribe, she can shoot rabbits with a bow and arrow whilst ridding a galloping horse, she knows how to travel the lands, rear sheep and skin animals. Karluk sees her like a hunter, almost like a warrior, and he sees her like a mother in the way she frets and worries about his health and looks after him.

Amir is lucky because her new family openly accepts her and they view her differences with curiosity and wonder. They are a large family who have created a safe, happy home and together they work to keep it in peace. So the fears that the reader might imagine about an arranged marriage with such an age gap are not necessarily the ones that appear. The antagonists are actually Amir’s own clan, who realize that there’s a potentially more advantageous match to be made and intend to remove her from her current situation and marry her off to someone else.

Another nice surprise is that although this is a patriarchal society in which men make the life-changing decisions, we do a great character in the matriarchal grandmother of Karluk’s family, who displays a strength and resolve that even the men from Amir’s clan revere.

Onto the negatives: there’s a scene in which Amir is telling Karluk to strip naked because out in the desert, in a yurt, it is common practice to sleep nude because it gets very cold and it is warmer to sleep skin to skin. Karluk is clearly uncomfortable with this. Amir’s naked breasts are exposed and sexily drawn. In the next panels we see that sleeping naked together makes Karluk think of lambs sleeping snuggled to their mothers and for him there is nothing sexual in this experience. While the scene is implying that their relationship is more of mother and child, it is still a shock to see Amir’s naked adult body, and it makes us wonder what will happen when Karluk becomes physically more sexually mature but not necessarily mentally mature.

Japan has a deep-rooted obsession with sexualizing youth, it is something that comes up often in manga, anime, literature and media, and I’m always weary of when it might be sneaking its ugly head in more subtle ways. For example a couple of months ago I watched Beastars, which is a anime about anthropomorphic animal-humanoids (e.g. like Zootopia) and while I enjoyed the anime, there was something disturbing about the central couple; a wolf and a bunny rabbit. Compared to the large size of the humanoid wolf the small humanoid bunny looked child-like. The size thing and species thing is done to create sexual tension between the large scary wolf and the cute sweet little bunny, but there was something about the bunny’s small yet sexually developed form, in a school girl uniform, next to an adult-looking man, which just rang alarm bells. Interestingly I think the manga handles this better as the bunny��s body isn’t drawn in such a sexualized and realistic way as in the anime. In the anime there are moments where there is definitely a subtle catering to paedophilic appetites, especially as issues of uncontrollable desire and danger and predator and prey are brought up.

Back to A Bride’s Story, I don’t feel that this is a book that encourages or excuses paedophilia, it is presenting us, in a neutral way, with things that would have happened at the time. When Karluk presents his wife to some distant family members they are shocked, not with the fact that Karluk at age twelve is already married but because a twenty-year-old bride is considered an old bride. The custom is to marry women off young so they have longer to produce children. At the back of the book in the Author’s Notes Mori writes that women would normally be married at the age of 15 or 16, and beside this comment the author has drawn a picture of a young bride, with the following remark “Hey you! Yeah, you, big guy, looking at her like that! Let’s step out into the hallway and have a talk!” So while there’s no direct comment about paedophilia or the sexualization of youth, this one comment does hint that the author is aware of the issue in society, past and present.

One of the things that I am looking forward to in the series is that it will not centre just on Amir and Karluk’s relationship, it seems that other volumes will introduces other bride’s stories, including women who are lesbians or bisexuals and women who perhaps do not identify with a female gender. There is a secondary character in volume 1 called Smith, an Englishman who is studying the culture and customs of Central Asia and I believe that as he travels to different countries this may be how new storylines are introduced to us.

One difficulty I had in reviewing this manga was that I kept wanting to say it is about people from a specific country, however nowhere in the book does it say in which country the action takes place. In a way this is a western problem, it is an understatement to say that many, many a problem has arisen from the West’s desire for defined borders in countries where, at the time, it was not common to have them, places where tribes moved about depending on the seasons and trade. So after some brief research I believe this book explores the cultures of Mongol Nomads, of countries such as Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan that make up Central Asia, and with the potential of exploring influences from neighbouring countries such as China, Russia, Iran and Afghanistan. In the Author’s Notes she also mentions being interested in the Caucasus region of Central Asia, so that may also be countries like Armenia, Azerbaijan and Georgia, and the Caucasus Mountains which create a natural border between Eastern Europe and Western Asia.

One thing is for sure: since A Bride’s Story follows the path of the Silk Road, the crossroads from which Europe and Asia traded, it promises to be a wonderful melting pot of traditions and ideas.

Review by Book Hamster

[phoenixglacier]

Today’s song analysis: Because Of You by Kelly Clarkson

(If you’re new to this place, hi. I don’t really focus on the song much. Sorry.)

I can’t remember how old I was exactly when I first heard this song. Primary school? I didn’t have the CD or anything, so I guess somehow I managed to grasp the entire song from listening to it playing overhead in the shopping centre.

(Quick note: If Kelly Clarkson herself has said anything about what this song means to her, I have no knowledge of it. I’m here sharing the story I got from this song personally, with no other source except listening to it.)

So. In terms of storyline, it’s pretty straightforward:

The Speaker is addressing their Parent. Their Parent was in an unhealthy, probably abusive relationship with another person. As a result of growing up with this happening to their Parent, the Speaker is unable to let down their walls and trust anyone else in their life now, and it’s highly disruptive to their ability to live.

I originally thought, as a child, that it was a straightforward song blaming the parent for getting into an abusive relationship at all. In a way, the Speaker blames the Parent for not taking care of themself better, because it had an automatic impact on the Speaker even as a bystander in the scene.

But that’s not all, is it?

I realise when I listen to it as a young adult: It’s not about the situation. The Speaker isn’t actually so naïve so as to blame their parent for something they aren’t at fault for. Instead, the Speaker blames them for not protecting them.

And here, I don’t mean ‘protecting them’ as in protecting them from attacks themself, I mean protecting them from the knowledge that was going on. The Speaker says “I was too young”. Allowing their child to witness the abuse at all was where the Parent failed. It’s not the fact that the Parent was in a scary-looking relationship — it’s the fact that the Parent showed them, again and again, how painful and terrible it was.

Imagine it like having a child see movie characters shoot each other, versus the extended dying scene where they see the character’s body die slowly with a pg-13 slapped on it. These scenes are pg-13 for a reason. /j

The Speaker says it explicitly: “I watched you die”

I’m not sure whether this is very clear, so let me interject with a slightly personal example.

So, a family unit that I’m very close to is going through a difficult time right now, a long-coming explosion that’s finally been catalysed by COVID-19. I’m close to the children, as well one of the parents. There’s no need to explain what the full situation is: currently the parent is trying their best to appease their partner for the sake of their children. It is, I think, a common statement for a person to say that they’ll stay in a marriage just for their children. 

Listen up: You are a parent. You have a responsibility to a child, who honestly should be the first and foremost thing in your mind, because you’re responsible for this human being in its entirety. 

So I don’t think that the motive itself is wrong, but it’s worth it for anyone who says that to take the time to step back and consider that statement. You want the best for your children, correct? Then think about your options, and whether staying in a damaging relationship is really ‘the best’ for your children.

It might be. But it’s not automatic. It just isn’t.

This isn’t the place for a whole spiel on my opinions of divorce, but let me start with this: If your children know that their parents are constantly hurting each other, are constantly walking on eggshells, and are constantly seeing their loved ones cry, then they’re already affected. This piles up, and if your children don’t learn that people can’t be trusted and distance themselves from others completely, then they’re going to learn that this is how a normal relationship works and grow up to be the next victim or abuser.

This parent in my story is trying their best not to involve the children, which makes me relieved that they at least know to try.

I always think open communication is good with children. Children don’t need to be sheltered from every little bad thought in the world, and it helps for children to have an accurate understanding of the world, and gives you better ground on getting your child to see your side of things (when my parents give me advice with an explanation, it definitely increases my chances of listening). But that doesn’t mean ‘treat your children as adults’ or even worse, ‘treat your children as your personal therapist’. Yes, children are fragile. Even adults are fragile. And you, as a parent, have the responsibility to make sure you don’t traumatise them.

Here’s another analogy: You know your child will fall down, physically, many times in their life, and sometimes it will be painful and potentially even leave lasting damage. You might be the type who lets your child fall down while they explore, because you don’t want to coddle them when they inevitably grow up and you can’t watch them twenty-four seven anymore. That’s fine. But if they’re a tiny infant and their clearly too fragile to take a fall — DON’T LET THEM FALL. You hold on tight to them because you know that while they’re gonna have to be exposed to falls one day, they’re literally not physically ready to handle that yet. If your infant falls, they might get severe head trauma or spinal cord injury or anything, and then you’ve just messed up at the very start of your parenting. And then when they’re a little bigger, and they can toddle around, do you let them fall off the top of the monkey bars? NO. Because no matter how old, some falls are just going to be too supremely bad, and you don’t want your child to end up in the hospital with broken bones if you can help it.

This is the same concept. Your children have a mental trajectory, just like they have a physical one. In the same way, it varies considerably from one child to the next. There’s no need to go around talking about how some children are ‘way more mature than others’ because, yeah, that happens. That still means it’s a continuum. To be honest, a child can be doing great discussing social movements with their friends and then not be able to take the emotional toll of coming home to a warzone every day. Adults are like this too. I promise you that thousands of people who watch Avengers totally won’t be able to take the emotional stress of an actual alien invasion. 

As a child, I was aware that my parents had very little money. It’s a little hard to grab an adjective, but I’d say I felt ‘negative’ that I couldn’t buy things like my friends could and my parents were rarely at home, as far as I was concerned. But I never fought with my parents on these money-related issues, because I understood the reasoning behind why I couldn’t have what I wanted. But I was also very secure, because my parents made it clear to me that they had it all under control. At stores, I could negotiate purchases with my parents, because I knew I couldn’t comprehend how much we could realistically spend, and I knew that my parents wouldn’t give into me if it would make our lives harder overall. They never gave me the opportunity to even consider that they might not be able to send me to university. This means I grew up pretty secure in terms of money, despite having significantly less than my peers at the time — not that I could spend a lot, but that I didn’t have to worry about it, as a child.

My parents were being honest about their expectations for how our situation would go. In a lot of situations, like unhealthy relationships, forget honesty when you can’t even see the future yourself. But you still need to shield your child a little. They’re still learning about life, love, relationships, confrontation, aggression, problem-solving, self-respect, self-protection, and more. What my parents taught me about money and spending carries on until today — I have zero concept of money apart from whether I have it, buy things only on impulse, but buy absolutely nothing. For the past several years, my parents have dragged me out on shopping trips trying to get me to buy new clothes, because I would never buy myself them until my old clothes wore out beyond repair. This is my money model, and it’s not the worst but it’s also not the best, and I have it because it’s the model I grew up with in my formative years.

So back to the song. The Speaker says they will be stronger. But this isn’t going to work. They’ve learned the desire to be loved from their Parent, so they can’t really close off their heart from danger completely, yet they can never truly open it up. Furthermore, they only have this one model of a relationship, so they’re left only with this vague idea of being ‘stronger’. And lastly, they have trauma from sharing the experience of what their parent went through. Oh, and one more thing, “I will not cry, because I know that’s weakness in your eyes.” Yeah.

[taraninja]

Review of A Ghost of a Chance

Just in case my review is too long for fanfiction.net, I’m posting it here. 

To start, I want to apologize for the tardiness of this review. I actually began writing it after finishing Chapter 34, but thanks to College finals and the holidays it’s only getting out now. I like my reviews to in some way reciprocate the amount of effort the writer/writers spent in their fanfic, so this was definitely a multi-day project.

Firstly, I’d like to go over the characters and characterizations. Others have pointed this out as well, but you truly do get their personalities down perfectly. There were multiple occasions where I was tricked into reading this as if it were an episode screenplay, which is perhaps the highest praise any fanfic could achieve. Master Splinter is as elegant and effervescent as always, but you delve more into his character than the mere surface level; he also shows off humor, worry, empathy, concern, and of course, the love he feels for his sons and daughter is truly palpable. A great example is in his dealings with the Lotus; he is able to disagree in a way which shows honor and maturity, and even when the Lotus leave, he does not press the issue but let’s both parties (Donnie/April and the Lotus) have their disagreement and move on. It sent a perfect message to Leo that sometimes, interference is worse than simply letting an argument run its due course. I wish someone had taught that message to 2003 Leo, so maybe he could have avoided getting entangled in the gang wars.

Speaking of Leo, there are several facets of his character which have been masterfully delved into here. Something I prefer in the 2012 show is how they show that Leo is much more than just a serious and dutiful leader; he can also be awkward and silly at times, and this is perfectly encapsulated in his conversations with Karai within this story. Instead of distracting from the main plot, it melded perfectly with it and even helped to add to the plot. Karai has trouble getting used to life in the sewer, but has no problems understanding Leo and getting him to hopelessly unravel himself when talking with her. In contrast, Leo seems unsure of where he stands with her, and sometimes doesn’t know what the right approach is. Should he flirt back, or would that be too forward? Are their conversations one big game, or do they mean something to her? And are her questions meant to be taken literally, or as part of a running joke? As a master of deception, I can imagine how confusing talking with her must be. But on Karai’s part, it must be lots of fun, since it’s really more like she’s gently prodding him into taking the first step. I can still vividly imagine the chapter where they spar together, both teasing each other and then that one moment Karai thought she might have pushed too far. The tension between them was so thick that I could feel it past my computer screen, and I inadvertently held my breath as Leo drew closer and almost, ALMOST kissed her, but then revealed that he had just been teasing her back. That scene was perfect poetry, and it really showed me that you get their dynamic. You understand how and why they work, and that’s always great to see in a fanfiction.

Of course, Leo and Karai aren’t the only two lovebirds who have amazing development here, and the next two I want to gush over are Raph and Casey. I’ll admit that I didn’t really ship them before, but after reading this, you’ve made me a believer! There are of course, multiple ways a gay romance can go wrong; it can either feel too pushy, or not pushy enough, depending on the way it’s written. However, I think it was perfectly handled here. Our titular Raph and Casey start as more on the ‘bromance with benefits’ side, which works; a slow beginning helps get new shippers like me to see just how it can develop. Both of them have very similar outlooks and personalities, so there’s already that common ground between them, and then the scene where Casey gets drunk allow us to see them acting uncharacteristically caring for each other. Seeing adult Casey and Raph making out is definitely a—unique way to kickstart the romance, and a rather believable one. As someone who’s bi, I’ll readily admit that curiosity is what often causes a spark in a relationship like theirs. And again, the slow burn is the smartest move when it comes to them. Their kiss was left open-ended, as you could say ‘oh, they didn’t like it’ and not ship it, or you could think ‘hmm, I don’t think their answers were all that truthful’ and continue to ship it. I personally count myself among the latter category, but either way, their scenes have been written exceedingly well so far and I can’t wait to read more of them.

And, of course, my personal favorite ship, the one that made me get off my butt and read this fanfic; Apritello! After Chapter 34, I was squealing for literally hours. It got so bad that my roommate, who is not even a little into TMNT, forcibly grabbed my shoulders and ordered me to stop jumping around like a ping-pong ball. So suffice it to say, I have a lot to comment on when it comes to this dynamic within your fanfiction.

To begin with, I am SO glad that the music box was brought up again! When April pushed it aside in the “Bigfoot” episode, I felt so sad for Donnie and was more than a little peeved at April. It was no wonder that Donnie felt like ‘just a mutant’ with the way she was treating him; she pushed aside his heartfelt present, never lets him speak about his feelings with her, and yet continues to lead him on with hugs and kisses instead of actually being clear with her emotions. This is not to say I entirely faulted April, as having two boys crushing on you is never fun and is a situation I’ve had trouble with in the past. But nevertheless, it felt like a breath of fresh air to see the event be brought up and mentioned again between the two of them here. It gave the ship some well-needed groundedness and maturity, so that it could develop beyond just two lovesick teenagers. And oh, how beautifully developed it is! Of course, it begins rather bumpily (April, why d��ya have to take your anger out on Donnie? Him who would never fault you, ever?) with April asking out Casey for dates, keeping it a secret from Donnie, and then trying to get closer with him while not revealing anything to him. But there’s been tons of cute build-up too! The whole ‘evil scientist and best lab assistant’ bit has to be the most adorable love-speak ever, and of course, the silent glances at each other and the secret armor Donnie built is super sweet as well. And there’s no possible way I will ever forget when Future Donnie shook current Donnie to his senses and sent him chasing after April, which resulted in the most romantic scene of all time. Oh yes, it was certainly sappy; but it was a sappiness that felt VERY well-deserved and had been a long time coming. And I’m also really happy that you had Splinter inform and reassure Kirby on all the goings-on; I always feel bad for parents when their children hide things from them within stories, and it was yet another source of relief when Kirby was not only fine with April and Donnie but gave them the go-ahead. I knew he was a good father, but now I’m absolutely certain of it. And that means that April can continue her relationship with Donnie and the others without fearing for her father or focusing solely on college. Not to mention, dating Donnie can only mean good things for a future college career.

Oh yes, and then THAT ABSOLUTE BOMBSHELL in episode—I mean chapter (oh boy you know it’s good when I start calling it an episode!) 35, where April had to watch Donnie get knocked out in front of her. My heart definitely wasn’t shattering into a thousand tiny pieces at that moment (sarcastic tone intended). I’ll get into more detail later when I discuss the pacing, but man, did that scene hit like an oncoming bus.

Of course, I can’t leave out Mikey, the Future Turtles, or the Lotus from my gushing on the characterization! Mikey was at his most hilarious within this fanfic, and I’d even go so far as to say he was handled better within this story than in the usual 2012 episodes. Able to be light-hearted, a prankster, a gamer, and life of the party while still having a certain level of gravity and groundedness goes a long way to show that though Mikey may be the party dude, he has a charm and worth that is so much more than just cracking the odd joke here or there. While Leo and the others were certainly excited to have the Lotus staying with them, it was Mikey who went the extra mile to try and learn as many names as possible. And Mikey is the one who coordinated their family movie night to try and get ‘Karaiwa’ cheerful again. He’s an absolute gem who I want to protect, yet I also know that he is beyond capable of protecting himself.

I’ll admit that the Lotus took a bit of getting used to. When I heard there would be another ninja clan, my impromptu thought was ‘ah yes, the perfect way to insert OC’s’ because that’s usually how I’ve seen it handled within other fanfictions. But it definitely didn’t feel that way here. Though they were all original characters, they only served as big of a part as the plot required and were beneficial to the story’s development, instead of detracting from it. Hachisu-no-Hana served as a great parallel for Splinter, as both are heads of a clan who had been wronged by Shredder, but who took very different responses to said wrong-doing. Wakai wasn’t around long, but he emanated a youthful simplicity that made it hard not to like him, and of course Juro and Atsuko were easy to like as well. In the end I found myself liking the clan quite a bit and was hoping for their well-being just as much as I hoped for Karai’s.

Finally, we have the Future Turtles. It’s a bit harder to speak on their personalities, since they are literally different versions of the same characters within the story, but I think they were sufficiently developed enough to stand out from their current counterparts and show how the passage of time can truly make a difference. Leo has of course become a lot more serious, and along with all the other future characters, his moral compass is more black and white. Either you are on his side, or you are an enemy that deserves death; there is no in-between. This change is devastating to see when compared to how Leo currently is, and I would certainly be interested if you ever decided to do a spin-off fic detailing how the future turtles got to their current states. A lot of details have been divulged already, but like any good reader, that just leaves me wanting even more.

Future Raph and Casey seem to do a lot more laughing and have lot more fun than I would have thought, but it makes sense in the context of their relationship and is yet another great addition to their dynamic. Being in a relationship not only strengthens their bond, but themselves as people. Current Casey definitely can’t be described as sensitive, but Future Casey is not only willing but able to lend April an ear along with some solid advice. And Raph is seen helping Leo out more than arguing with him, which really warmed my heart. After Future Splinter’s death, I can imagine how hard it must have been for the turtles; but especially for Leo, who already had a heavy burden as the team leader, but with Splinter gone, that burden can only have hardened. I’m glad Raph decided to step up somewhat and help support him, instead of escalate their rivalry. It shows maturity and caring on his part, both attributes which I believe Raph already possesses, but doesn’t choose to emphasize.

In contrast, Future Mikey and Donnie seem much more solemn than their current selves. Mikey still has that fun-loving spark, but through his calmer mannerisms and way of speaking it is evident that the future events have tampered him down just as thoroughly as they tampered down his brothers. And while Donnie’s seriousness could be attributed to the important matter at the forefront of their time-traveling visit, I believe there’s more than the fate of his family which keeps him grounded. He’s always been the problem-solver of the group, and his brother’s reliance on him can only have escalated after Splinter’s demise. Plus, he lost the ‘best lab assistant in the world,’ so there has been an additional mental and emotional burden for him to carry. And though you didn’t go into the repercussions for this in too much detail, I imagine it must have been absolutely soul-crushing to see Casey go from dating April to Raph. The thoughts of “April is so great, I would have done everything in my power to make her stay,” “how could he abandon her like that?” “Maybe April feels the same way; maybe she was never into guys” and even “maybe she only dated Casey so she could finally get away from us mutants, and now that she has, she doesn’t care anymore.” I don’t know if he’d actually think like that or not, but I can envision him doing so. It must have caused at least a temporal shift between him and the two lovers and cooping himself up within the lab has obviously become a habit at this point. If he still remains within the lab while brought back to the past while his father is alive, then there’s no stopping it at this point. But hopefully he pulls himself together in a similar fashion that current Donnie did, and fixes his relationship with April. That would certainly be an ideal ending, if not an altogether realistic one.

Alright, now to more boring aspects of the story. First off; Grammar! While this has for the most part been on-point and smooth, there are some small things which could have been better to give the story a better flow. Most of these are nit-picks, because there aren’t many faults within this fanfic, but I think they bear mentioning. There were some misplaced words here and there, like “to” instead of “too” (slightly hypocritical since I KNOW I’ve probably made a similar mistake in this review alone) adjectives which were repeated three or more times in a paragraph, and one particular (and this is the most nit-picky comment of all) word phrase which stuck out and really bugged me, which was ‘portable portal.’ I believe the first time you used it, you had just described how the portal was transferrable, and my first thought was “well, if you wrote a whole section describing it as mobile, why did you describe it as portable again?” And then I saw that phrase repeated more than five times, which just led my OCD brain to go crazy. It might also have more to do with the fact that both words have a “po-“ beginning and an “able” or “al” ending, so it sounds like a repetitive description word, but nevertheless that’s more of a me problem than an overall issue.

Next, there is the plot. I read somewhere that the best plots can be outlined in a sentence and described in ten paragraphs, which I believe definitely applies to this story. While my descriptive powers are not great enough to fully divulge ten paragraphs, I shall do my best to review it properly.

It starts out simple enough; Donnie gets a message from his future self and learns that not only can he communicate with himself past the bonds of space and time, but eventually he can meet his future self without the fear of a time paradox. As Donnie and his brothers prepare to meet their future selves, they meet up with a fellow ninja clan who also has a beef with Shredder, and multiple cases of drama ensue as a result. However, there is so much more than that to pick apart in the plot. There’s action, mystery, romance, secrecy, plus a lot of confusion and mixed feelings which help to add tension and character development. And all the character dialogues don’t seem abrupt, out of place, or like mere exposition; they all blend perfectly together to give the story the feel of a big mixing pot, with multiple themes, characters, and motives blending together to give the story/soup an exquisite taste.

I could be wrong, but I think the main message behind this story is that ‘it is not our actions in the past that define us, but our actions in the present.’ In the very first chapter, we see a lot of characters mingling together who all have argued or slightly resented each other in the past. There’s Splinter and Karai, who used to believe she was Shredder’s daughter and wanted revenge on Hamato Yoshi; Casey and April, the former who used to see Raph as a villain, and then later saw Donnie as a romantic rival; the latter who blamed the turtle’s for her father’s mutation, and avoided them for weeks afterwards; and though it’s more minor, the turtles have all had big arguments with each other in the past. But the fic starts with them all united, sharing ‘Sensei Day’ together and really rallying together as one big family. Yet even though they’d love that moment to last forever, it can’t. There’ll be new hardships, arguments and struggles they’ll have to go through, and sometimes it may seem that the bad outweighs the good, like when Karai leaves the lair to go with the Lotus. But if they don’t keep striving for tomorrow, to make the best of fate while at the same time carving their own destiny, then they’ll never know just how beautiful life can be. This is the message I think Future Donnie learned when he urged current Donnie to run after April, and what all of the Future turtles realized when they learned they could time travel to this point. It may have happened in the past, and it might be too late for their happy ending; but who says they couldn’t help bring a happy ending to other versions of themselves?

And of course, this message is closely intertwined with Splinter, Karai, and Oroku Saki. Shredder chose to follow in the footsteps of his former clan; to carve for himself a path of bloodshed and vengeance, which would dictate all the future choices in his life. Splinter had the choice to follow a similar path, but instead took the path less traveled on; the path of peace. This has opened new options for him, as he gained a new family, obtained happy memories to replace the bad, and got to know many amazing people he wouldn’t have otherwise. Who knows if he would have met April, Kirby, Murasaki, Leatherhead, or Kurtzmann if not for his sons? And while Splinter tries to tell Karai that to choose peace is to choose the higher option, Karai has been raised by the Shredder for too long, and her thoughts are obviously tainted by her false father’s teachings. After all, surely someone who hides away from a fight is the bigger coward…? Surely more honor belongs to the man who seeks out his opponents and does away with them…right?

This is all part of why the Shredder-Splinter-Karai relationship is so compelling. Karai is literally the gray line, separating Splinter’s white and Shredder’s black; she has parts of both of them within her, which makes her choices and actions truly interesting. Someone who is neutral is more relatable than someone who is wholly good or wholly bad, and (at least for me), we want to see what she does because we want to know how we’d react in those same situations. Personally, I can’t fault Karai for a single one of her actions and could see myself making the same mistakes. Even if every part of my rationale told me to trust Splinter, I wouldn’t be able to wholly turn myself away from someone who’d raised me from birth. I’d want to cut off that wrongness, that falseness from my life so I could truly feel free, and that perfectly describes what Karai does. She can’t separate what happened in her past, so she wants to cut it out; even though Splinter and the others don’t care about her past, they just want to help and support her current decisions. I hope Karai comes to realize this by the end of the fic, and that her bond with the others becomes stronger as a result of this whole experience.

For the final tidbit of this review, I’d like to go over the pacing. Like everything else within this fanfic, the pacing has been very smooth and well-handled, with one event following another like dominos falling one after the other. The first chapter starts with a peaceful scene, which leads into a comedic scene in the next chapter, which in turn leads to a romantic scene gone wrong in the third chapter. The progression feels very natural, and the slow as syrup beginning is perfect to help ease the reader into the action. I described the fic as a screenplay earlier, because the events really do take place in a movie-like pace. The tripartite structure has long been lauded as the perfect story system, and that still holds true to this day. Having three big acts which are either followed or preceded by a consecutive list of smaller acts is the perfect way to hype up your big scenes and give them more weight, which your fanfic certainly did.

I promised I would go into a little more detail for Chapter 35 and go into detail I shall. At this point I think you have the three-part structure down so well, that you’re even starting to instill it into your chapters! The first act starts out peacefully, if slightly tear-jerking; the Future turtles say good-bye to Splinter for the last time, and he had some great advice to give the four of them. Once again I found the fanfic hitting close to home with me, as my grandmother has Alzheimer’s and I know any day could be the last day I say bye to her. I swear, your fanfic is going to be one of those I return to over and over again just for the little personal tidbits of emotion it gives me!

Anyways, returning to the topic; the second part of the chapter sees the different groups initiating their plans. Leo, April and Mikey taking the secret passage by the church catacombs, and Donnie, Raph and Casey entering through Baxter Stockman’s lab. Of course, things don’t start out well for either group, as Leo’s group/Team Nerf gets the ceiling caved in on them, and Donnie’s group/Team Roof has some mutated human kids attack them. I was thinking this would be the point the Future Turtles come in to help, but since they don’t I’m sure there’s another aspect to the plan that the Leo’s are looking out for. Perhaps they realize that Karai would have split off from the main Lotus group and want to save some man-power to help her when the time comes.

And then, the third/final act of the chapter comes and gives me a minor heart attack. Three mutants aptly named Lock, Shock and Barrel enter the fray thanks to Rahzar, and don’t only injure most of the main fighters; Barrel knocks out Donnie as well. The turtles, Casey and April barely manage to defeat Barrel before the focus returns to Karai, who places herself straight in Shredder’s den amidst a throng of enemies. While cliffhangers aren’t my favorite things in the world (again; intended sarcasm), I do think it was perfectly timed here. Any more action taking place would just be too much, and at least you ended it in a way that reminded us readers of the important stakes behind their battle. Even though the turtles may be beaten and battered, it is imperative they push on; not just for their sakes, not even just for Karai, but also for the Lotus, Future Turtles, Splinter, and everyone else the Shredder has hurt. While it is true they can’t turn back time and reverse all the evil he has done, they can at least stop his hand right now, and save those that matter most to them. And that is truly the most important cause the turtles could have for their fight.

[en241]

Friday, 17 April

Week 11: The Secret Garden, Chapters 19 - end of book.

First, More of Your Comments: 

I am just catching up to the end of the book so I thought I would check in. As most said in the comments you shared on Tumblr I would have to agree it takes a lot for me to get into a book so it did take me a bit for this one but I was surprised how much I liked this book. The ending was really surprising as well it was very sweet and just made you feel good. I have noticed that the author uses sensory imagery throughout this novel which allows the characters and reader to connect with nature making you rethink your own life in positive ways, I really enjoyed this aspect. Mary’s positive thoughts and attitude makes you want to be the same. This even makes Colin interested in the outdoors as well despite his illness. I did really enjoy this book!

From this weeks reading, I have observed how the garden is changing People and things as a way of resurrection.  Not only are Mary’s waxy features changing but, Colins skin is changing as well. Colin is no longer ivory skinned, he looks like he has flesh. It seems that the garden is bringing life back to them after all of the bad things that have happened to them. It may also be helping things like the tree his mother fell from. Although the tree is dead, new roses will cover its outside. I feel the new roses symbolize the spirt of the children and Colins mother who have never really left the garden. Colin planting the single rose represented ownership not only of the garden but of the spirits left there. 

We all have that one place where we want to be, or think is our fairy-tale.  The garden is the fairy tale in this story. The flowers create the fairy-tale. The tale or what it once was and what it could be. This has become such a part of Mary’s life she claims to have stolen it. I have experienced this situation as well. I have claimed a horse that was not really mine. I had so much pride in her I did not realize I was stealing her like Mary.

Now, some Thoughts from Me: Please bear with me and read them . . .

I’m so glad that so many of you liked the book so much. I love this book & I love teaching it, but it’s never been as meaningful as it has been this semester. And that’s because of all your comments. 

One big thing: the way all the book’s major characters are on their own maturation plots, and how each of them help the others, so that in the end they all overcome their own personal traumas and grow. (And the garden itself is one of those characters -- maybe because it’s Mrs Craven’s spirit or maybe because Nature.) 

I wish we could talk about all the details of this book and how they work together in order to make a coherent narrative argument. And I wish we could talk about this book -- especially its characters -- and compare it with the other books we’ve read this term. I could write up notes for you about this, but that wouldn’t be the same as discussing it together. It wouldn’t be fun.

I also wish we could come back to the big issues of the course -- the maturation plot, the adult/child identity problem, the three modes (nonsense, realism, and fantasy), and all the thematic patterns like food and appetite, indoors vs outdoors, reason vs imagination, sorting, stacking & counting, adventure vs safety, honesty vs dishonesty, etc. Because, you know, that’s the point of the class. 

I also wish we could talk about all the different ways we can read Children’s Literature from a cultural perspective -- not just its history, or its connection to things like theories of psychology and education, but also its relationship to issues like race, gender, dis/ability, and ecology. Because, well, college. 

It would also be really interesting to think about issues like illustration (have you spent time with the illustrations I’ve been posting?), book design, and adaptations into other media. Because words are great, but words are not enough. (Although tbh the new movie version of The Secret Garden looks like absolute shite imho.) 

Aaaand it would also be fun to talk about more recent children’s literature and how reading these books together might go

 But we only have one week left. 

And we are all dealing with a lot of stuff. 

So next week, if it’s ok with you, I will finish out the term by giving you a couple of new things to read and/or watch. (Kinda like what we did at the beginning with Struwwelpeter, the Gashlycrumbs, and the Wild Things. Only nicer. Much nicer this time. Happier. I promise.) And I’ll ask for your comments, and post them, just like we’ve been doing. With a final reflective assignment at the end. 

Meanwhile, read this article: 21 Ways The Secret Garden Prepared Us For Adulthood . If you hadn’t read the book, it would look like a list of 21 cliche phrases . . . but now? 

Take care, stay safe, be kind, and wash your damn hands. 

AAAAAnd one more comment:

I just finished the book , absolutely loved it. Heres some thoughts...

So I think Mary is a super super interesting character. Most child fantasies start their adventures with a likable, honest and pure protagonist. At first, Mary isn't the most likable of characters .. She’s privileged, kinda annoying and just isn't the most relatable. This made it really hard for me to like Mary in the beginning but to slowly realize no - she's just damaged, really flipped the whole narrative for me. Life as a neglected, lonely orphan must have caused a lot of internal dysfunction in Mary and left a hole of hurt and pain she wasn't able to deal with and heal.

- I mean she is a child; she doesn't know how to handle these things. Imagine having your parents die at that young an age? Must be a horrible thing to deal with. Then getting sent off to the middle of nowhere to live with your weird uncle? that would suck - I definitely would cause a scene too -

I think Mary was destined to find the key to the garden and I think the robin - yes! i also think this is symbolic of Colin's mother - specifically chose to give it to her because she needed to see the garden. She needed a physical thing to take care of and nurture so she can see how attention to something leads to blossoms and beauty .. this helps her accept how important it is to give attention to herself and how planting a seed of self-love and acceptance will lead to strength and happiness.

The garden helped Mary heal wounds of the past, understand human failure, forgive herself and her circumstances to grow. Mary needs to go through this transformation to achieve maturation which is a super super prevalent theme here .. pretty much the whole book focuses on the healing and growth of Mary, and Colin later in the book. The garden is her “Wonderland” - it’s her safe place that wants to instill some sort of lesson or narrative in Mary that she absolutely needs to hear.

Mary and Colin are very alike at the beginning of the story and they get along best because their relationship is so honest .. they’re both at Stage I of childlike naiveness, with no self-awareness. I think maybe they were also destined to meet and their growth together is a beautiful thing to witness. I think the friendship they share is so important and fundamental to both of their growth. Mary and Colin aren't romantically engaged either - well because they are cousins - but this makes their bond even more special and important - definitely a relationship that’s important to have irl too .. a true friend , someone to grow with - I kinda wonder how the story would unfold if they weren't written as cousins .. would they have fallen in love??

The garden is an important place for Colin too - it gives him the motivation to want to live .. a super powerful and almost magical thing.

Anyways I'm kinda obsessed with this book now , the journey to learn how to love and accept yourself - at least that's what I took out of it - also how beautiful and valuable a strong relationship is.. definitely an important thing to note.

illustration by Inga Moore

[themian]

What are the top reasons why men pull away?

Well as you commented, there are many broad reasons why a man will pull away. There is no doubt that it can be a very unsettling experience. Think about it, one minute he seems really into you, he may even have told you he loved you. Then literally overnight, he has pretty much disappeared, he has become distant all of a sudden.

Before I get into what I believe the top reasons why men pull away are, I will say this…

Some men are simply just jerks, some will run a mile when it comes time to settle down, and in some situations there is absolutely nothing you can do to get him back again. As hard as that is to deal with, just realize in the long run, you are better of without him!

However …. the good news is, that despite what media and Hollywood may tell you, most men aren’t jerks, and really do want to settle down with someone they can form a truly strong connection with.

To answer your question, in my opinion there are 3 broad reasons why a man will pull away all of a sudden. The good news is, that you can often change your behavior to help resolve the situation.

Being Too Emotional:

If it’s relatively early days in your relationship, then there is a risk that you can be too emotional too quickly with a man.

If you wore your emotions on your sleeve, or you became to needy or clingy with him, then you have very likely scared him off.

The good news is, if you back off a little, and don’t put too much pressure on him, he will most likely come closer again. Be cool for a while, and he will wonder whats going on, and come back.

2. Lacking A Connection:

Contrary to popular belief, men do actually want to meet someone, just like a women does. They like the idea of settling down with someone they can connect with (when they have matured a bit)

Men are actually looking for someone to have a strong emotional connection with. When they are young, they tend to go looking for it by looking for sex. But this matures over time, and they grow up. All they want is someone they can connect with on a strong emotional level. For a women who he feels like, will support him through thick and thin.

Just like you, most men have dreams, and they want to know they have the support at home, to have the guts to go out and chase those dreams.

3. Putting Too Much Pressure On Him:

This is common in couples who have been dating or in a relationship for a while. When you start putting pressure on a man to move the relationship to a new level, he will often pull away.

This may be a commitment for moving in together. Or to get married, or have children. Anything really. But if he feels like he is being pressured into something, he will pull away and become distant.

You need to make him feel like he is making a mutual decision with you, not feel like he is having an ultimatum put on him.

These are the 3 main reasons why a man will pull away. His specific behavior will be as a result of of one of these things. (Unless he is truly a jerk). The good news is this is completely fixable. For more information, on how to turn this situation around, check out our website Why Men Pull Away In Relationships

Men are strange creatures. With a few words or a simple sentence, you could have him pulling away for reasons you just cannot comprehend. If you have been in a relationship for a while and find that your man is pulling away from your fear not, it may be something you are completely unaware of. Here are three reasons that he may pull away from you.

Moving too quickly

This is a common reason he may get distant. If he has been single for most of his life except for the occasional relationship, then he is most likely a slow mover. If you have been dating for a short amount of time and by men's definition short equals in a year, then talking marriage and kids just might scare him off. If you are trying to move him along too quickly, he may pull away from you to protect himself. Ease up on the marriage and kids' questions so he can come back to you.

Past hurts

If your man comes from a home where divorce happened early on and happened messily, then he may suffer from those past hurts. Unbeknownst to many, we carry the hurts from childhood into our adult lives. Those hurts may manifest in funny ways. If he grew up in a home where the marriage ended badly, he just may be carrying those hurts with him and is afraid that getting married may bring back those hurts. Handle this with care as he may not be ready to deal with these kinds of issues just yet.

Insecurity

All men feel like they are built for something bigger and better. They feel like they have a big goal to accomplish ahead of them and until they get there, then they will be on that journey. If he has yet to achieve his life's dreams he may be feeling inadequate and just not good enough for you. If you make more money than him, have a better job, and drive a better car, it just may be his own insecurities that is causing him to pull away from you any time you mention marriage or anything long term. Starting an open conversation about his feelings is a start, but he may not be ready to open up fully just yet.

There are many other reasons why he may be pulling away from you, but from past experiences and talking to many male friends, these three are at the top of the list. If you have been moving too quickly for his taste then slow things down. If you know that he comes from a broken past, then you may need to ease up and move at his pace and be as encouraging as possible. If he is suffering from feeling insecure then you need to start showing him that you love him for him and not what he has. You can get him to be the man you know he can be and make a commitment.

If you are looking for ways to get him to stop pulling away or to get him to say "I Do" as quickly as womanly possible go to my profile.

Being clingy, crying a lot and giving yourself away too much, trying to change them, to name a few.

When girls start calling every hour, and the ratio exchange of messages between man vs women is “1:10”, you keep asking them where they are and why haven’t they called you back, what happened in their day, why aren’t they giving you importance, etc. it pushes a man away. Also, threatening to do something if they don’t do what you want them to do (like - if you don’t meet me, I will do ____) It could be anything - self-harm, blackmail, reveal info to friends, call up parents and tell them about the relationship, etc.

Also, wanting to change the man - you may think they are damaged and bad boys and that they need to change - however they won’t unless they want to. If they smoke, they will not stop if you keep nagging at them. You either accept it or stop nagging - they will stop talking to you but continue to smoke if it gets too much.

If you don’t like his friends, don’t tell him that. Don’t stop him from hanging out with his friends - give him the space to enjoy his guy time. Don’t isolate them from their friends thinking they should only hold you important and no one else.

Also, doubting them pushes them away - “who are you with, but you said this, are you cheating on me? Are you with a girl? If no, let me check your phone and prove your innocence” kind of shit

Let a man feel like a man and don’t do any of the things that are mentioned above. If he wants to be with you or meet you, he will. If he isn’t showing the same interest as you, calling him again and again, crying, threatening, blackmailing, won’t help in any way and it’ll only push them away further.

Remember, you don’t have to force someone to do anything. Let them be the way they are. If they show love and interest, they will be there for you. If you see they are distancing themselves from you, have a conversation of what’s happening and please let go if it isn’t working out.

Nagging, controlling, attempts to change the guy.

“I love you just the way to you are, now change”

Examples:

When we were dating, we always listened to the rock station while driving. Now we have a fight if I don't turn on NPR.

“You're strong enough, you don't need to go to the gym anymore”

You want me to get dressed like it's a “date” just to go to target with You?

I recall one relationship. I like to go to the show. I go to very specific types of movies. Ibwant my popcorn and cherry coke. I kike to sit dead center and at a distance wear the screen exactly fills ny field of vision. I like to show up early enough where I get the good seat and have time to get popcorn and use the toilet and not have to rush. But somebody wanted me to skip the popcorn and soda and show up late, get crappy aisle seats and miss the previews. So after the ditching the “hey, wanna go to the show?” routine, it became “hey, I'm going to the show and I'm leaving at 5:00 pm. If ya wanna go with, be in the car at 5:00 pm”. Caused a fight. So I switched gears again, lying about the start time, so we'd get there on time. Caused a fight. Then it just became a quick text that “I'm going to the show.”, which caused 40 texts during the show. Then it was “im gping to the show, gotta turn off my phone”, which caused a fight. Then I tried the “im seeing scavengers at 7:00 pm. Hope you meet me there.”. Eventually I just stopped saying anything but “I got stuff to do, call ya later.”

That's how it happens.

The premise, I presumed, was that if I really loved her, the time together would be more important than what I wanted.

And so forth.

Don't be that girl/woman.

I cannot answer for all guys, but the only times I have ever pulled away is when I have witnessed severely emotionally unstable behavior. Witnessing a woman start arguememts for no other reason than the fact that she created an issue that didn't exist, ran it all the way to a conclusion, and brought it into the real world to in turn, try to make it a real problem - is very troublesome… especially when emotion clouds their ability to see it.

In any case I have witnessed this behavior, I have left. Just to see more instability surface, which of course, proves my entire point to begin with. And, in these cases where more eradic behavior surfaces, (calling, emailing, stalking, texting, etc.) their emotions cloud their judgement so much, that they actually feel justified in what they are doing. Regardless of how crazy it really is.

It really is amazing how someone will be your best friend, support system, and lover, until they start shit that you call them out on. Then, they go on a slew of downright scary and sometimes illegal behaviors, thinking they have the right to do so.

Hell hath no fury like a person completely out of touch with reality and their own power to destroy themselves and others.

The sad part is, no lesson is ever learned. And they will soon move onto their next victim.

There is many reasons.

Things are moving to fast and he needs a breather from the intensity of his emotions. Common one for guys, women actually have better emotional comping ability then men. This is because women have a larger Deep Limbic System which is a part of the brain that’s responsible for emotional coping.

You are pressuring him by asking question about his feelings If he is experiencing an internal conflict, it can be good to not pressure him, this can make things worse

He’s falling out of love There is many reasons for this, what you can do about it to make sure you’re being the best person you can be. Make sure you give him time to get back in touch with his feelings for you before you start to question him on them. Here is a youtube video I made that may give you some more info:

Men pull way when the woman is way too draining and being with her is far worse than being alone, when she is never satiafied, annoying, drains his energy and acts as if he has no business in her life despite them both agreeing to be together then its time to go, and most men do just that .

If i have to chase a woman, to constantly prove my love or commitment then its time to dump her and i have done it in the past .

Women think men pull away because they are afraid of marriage, tell that to all those attractive, classy, nice and good women who have a man by their side, iam sure they would be more than willing to disagree with you .

You flake

Don't make plans and cancel or show up late. This is the fastest track to a guy losing interest.

Talk shit about your friends and other people.

It's okay to vent, but if it's constant, you look toxic and he'll wonder what you're saying about him behind his back.

Send mixed signals

If he's second guessing you all the time, you two are done. Every guy is afraid of being seen as a creep, desperate, or a possibile “R” word. Seriously, sit on the couch with him if you like him. It's a simple signal you're interested.

This is early day stuff, but it's usually when guys will cry uncle and decide you aren't worth his time.

Wow, in my opinion, there can be MANY things that push a man away. Men can be hard to understand and decipher for women, but mostly because women often do not pay attention to what a man says. Instead of hearing what the guy said, we tend to obsess later with our friends (“…What do you think he really meant by that?”)

So, here is a brief list of what I think pushes a man away. I’m not trying to be unfeeling or insensitive, believe me, I’ve experienced my share of heartache with men and relationships.

You have nothing going on in your life - but him. This is way too much pressure to put on anyone.

You are nagging and constantly “making him wrong”. No one wants to hang around for this type of treatment.

You have too much drama in your life. (Family drama, work/school drama, friend drama, Facebook drama…you get the picture…(At some point, it’s just not a coincidence anymore and you have to gain some control over your situation and actions).

You try to keep him away from seeing his friends, or doing what he wants to do when you aren’t together. (He is his own person, you don’t own him. Think about if the shoe was on the other foot!)

You are constantly texting him and checking up on him.

You act insecure and you don’t trust him. (If you truly have reasons to not trust him, then find someone you CAN trust!)

You are available every minute of the day and night. He never has a chance to “miss you”. This one relates back to #1. I’m sure there are more, but hope this list helps. Remember, if you are having trouble with keeping a man’s attention - he might not be the right man. There are tons of great guys out there. Don’t settle for someone who is not treating you the way you want to be treated.

[jocelynbass1991]

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[flyonmylovee]

A Long, Long Post on Kyousei

A day and one rewatch after Tri 5 premiered, I have to say that I’m one happy fan. I know those sentiments aren’t shared by everyone, but I’m really digging Tri thus far. I wrote out some thoughts about Shoushitsu here and would like to make a similar post for Kyousei. 

I’d like to tell a quick story to start this off. Over the summer, on a whirlwind trip to Europe that had me buying tickets for upcoming legs of my travels after landing in my first foreign country, I got a crest of courage tattoo. My host in Barcelona poured me a glass of sangria, set me up in her living room, and had her buddy, an up-and-coming tattoo artist, give me the tattoo in exchange for a spot on my futon when he travels to Washington, D.C. 

“Why do you want this design? What does it mean?”

I took a sip of sangria to try and suppress my nerves. “Uh, courage. It means a lot to me.”

He nodded, and a half hour later I had a digimon tattoo on my foot. 

In the midst of all this, though, we had a discussion about the risks of getting a tattoo inspired by an ongoing show. God forbid the meaning changes, I should be sure I’d be happy with it anyways. 

I’m sat at my kitchen table right now with my feet kicked up on the chair across from me. My tattoo is staring back at me like it knows our favorite protagonist is dangling in cartoon-character limbo. 

“You idiot” Yamato mumbled in that moment, gripping Taichi’s goggles.

“You idiot!” I yelled at my computer, instantly thinking back to my conversation in Barcelona. 

Perhaps I should have waited. For a split second, I found myself conflicted. Waiting would have probably been smart- the tattoo artist I worked with had plenty of examples of meanings gone amiss- logos of shows that dropped off after a few seasons, symbols of superheroes gone bad, lyrics from artists who turned out to be closet bigots. Back in Barcelona, the tattoo artist passed on his ‘wisdom’ but ultimately, he told me to go with my gut. If I wanted the tattoo, I wanted it, and that was all that mattered. 

I know getting a tattoo might not be a huge decision for everyone, but I was really nervous to make the call. My “gut” has always been a problem. I’m a pretty anxious person, and I’m proud to say that very recently, I’ve conquered it. I went through with the tattoo. I was fucking ecstatic about it. I still am.

The crest of courage means so much to me. 

Yet here we are- in the exact situation my tattoo artist warned me of. Taichi is obviously coming back, but what’s to make of how he does it? What if the sixth movie is a huge disappointment? Would it be possible to look down at my tattoo when I need a reminder of my courage and not get the same motivation I feel from it now?

I don’t know. I guess what I’m trying to say, though, is that I don’t have any regrets. Tri has meant so much to me so far. I’ve loved it, for better and for worse. I love digimon’s commitment to creating new stories. I love the thought put into callbacks. I love Meiko. I love Daigo. I love that the worst snippets of animation may still be better than an average clip of adventure, and tbh, I laugh about it. 

Maybe my expectations were too low. I purposefully kept them that way when this all started. I spent 15 years sure that we’d never see these kids again, the ones we spent our afternoons with after elementary school let out- yet here they are. Tri has blown me away simply because it exists, and to me, the effort is there. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have no fears about the meaning of my tattoo changing. I have faith in this. I have reasons to have faith in this, and fuck, tattoos on my body are not things I take lightly. 

So, that’s the context I headed into Kyousei with. I really believe Tri 6 will pull through, and if it does, this is all going to be incredible. Tri spoilers below the cut.

For some reason, it was jarring to be reminded that Kyousei picks up right where Shoushitsu left off. The start of the movie worked perfectly for me. You’re dropped right back into the walking terror that is DarkGennai, Sora’s recently overcome trauma (please, someone give her a hug), and Meiko nearly dying. The mature tone is set once again. Just like it’s audience, the show has aged, as have the characters. 

There were two overarching themes in Kyousei for me: grappling with what it means to be “chosen” and realizing that the world is a complex and often, a disappointing place. Taichi makes a point of saying that there are things you see as kids, and there’s things you see as an adult. He’s not sure which he’s supposed to see. Later, he’s not sure who the enemy is. 

“Who are we fighting?!” he yells out, seemingly in harmony with the groans of frustration from a fandom left with many unanswered questions. One criticism of Tri is that there’s too much missing information, but to me, that’s turning out to be a key theme of the show. I think a point is being made here- perhaps in childhood, one has the luxury of having clear-cut adventures. Morality is a decision. You are right or you are wrong, and if you are wrong, we have to defeat you. 

Morality in Tri resembles the morality your eyes are opened to as you age. It is a spectrum of different choices, different friends, different enemies. Your enemies aren’t always clearcut and sometimes, you don’t even know why you’re fighting. 

I can’t think of a better way to “age up” the kids than by putting them in this sort of situation. I appreciate the realism of it all. It may not seem like a classic “adventure”, but I do believe if we were given a classic “adventure”, it would have felt rather stale. It is clear that Tri committed to something new, as digimon is prone to do, and their means to an end is Meiko Mochizuki. 

I’d like to make the case that, whether you like Meiko or not, her focus in Tri shouldn’t be as shocking as it feels. We are constantly introduced to new characters that project the story forward. In adventure, it was Hikari. In 02, we witnessed Ken transform and enter the main group. In Hurricane Touchdown, Wallace took center stage. I think Meiko seems especially jarring because these characters have been missed for 15 years and we’d like to get to know them again, whereas the introduction of other characters was rather sudden. While Meiko may not be appreciated, I don’t buy that Tri would be better without her, especially when you acknowledge the character development that takes place parallel to her story. 

We see a flashback from Fall 1999 which now, knowing Meicoomon contains a shard of Apocalymon, makes sense. Meiko’s dad meets with researchers from Tokyo (Maki, I’m assuming? It’s interesting to think she’s been in touch with the family all this time). 

Jumping back to the present day, the world “is falling apart”. Maki’s motivations become clear. “This time... I will be chosen.” Her uh, unrealistic expectation of saving the world with Tapirmon helps me understand why she may have started working with DarkGennai in the first place. Maki gets a “redo” of her traumatic flashback from Shoushitsu, and DarkGennai knows sparking this sort of apocalypse will end in ruin. I do wonder how long Maki’s been aligned with DarkGennai- did she have anything to do with the shard of Apocalymon? Did she need to play a role in Meicoomon’s birth? Either way, Maki is the hero of her own story- I wonder what means she’ll continue going through to be “chosen”.

The meaning of being “chosen” is explored further with Daigo and Mr. Mochizuki. I found this scene really interesting:

If you replace “Yagami” with “Maki” and “them” with “us”, it makes a lot of sense and showcases how traumatic that final battle was for Daigo’s crew. While he is definitely concerned for Taichi and the other kids, his concerns stem from his own experiences, and I wonder how much of his good-natured persona comes from him not wanting the kids to experience what he and Maki did. His natural niceness faded throughout this movie (although to be fair, it sounds like Daigo just lowkey lost his job lmao- “But we’ve been protecting them all this time!”) and his intentions were still A+, but it seemed like Daigo became comfortable using a bit more aggression as the situation grew more dire (i.e. talking some serious smack to the cops). I’m starting to think that Daigo’s repressed a lot of shit too, but was probabblyyy better at dealing with it than Maki was. 

But, that’s fair. The world (almost?) met it’s end on his watch. The love of his life is losing it (and as we’ve learned, he blames himself). Lots of foreshadowing here, lots of questions swirling about what it means to be chosen, so...

On being chosen: I SO enjoyed the conversation in the cave! First and foremost- Sora! In my post on Shoushitsu I voiced my concerns about whether Sora’s character had actually developed. To me, it didn’t seem like she grew. Her issue with Piyomon was temporarily solved but I made the case that if the reboot happened all over again, Sora wouldn’t be able to handle it any better. I was pleased to see everything come full circle in Kyousei. Sora admitted, in front of EVERYONE, that she has a tendency to close herself off, that she’s LONELY, and that she knows what it’s like to have a THORN in her HEART. Piyomon was sleeping while all this went on, but I’m proud enough for both of us. 

I also particularly liked the tidbits from Yamato. It was a nice callback to his cave scenes in adventure, and it’s a small reminder that these kids are developing in ways that aren’t always obvious in the overarching plot:

Takeru seems to instantly get what he’s saying, and the kids continue with their conversation of how they cope with being “chosen” and how they attempt to be good partners. Mimi straight up says that she balances Palmon out, and Sora ponders if that’s what it means to be a partner in the first place. Throughout all this, and throughout the movie, we see Meiko dealing with crippling sadness due to ‘being a bad partner’. I know some folks think it’s overdone and shouldn’t be as much of a focus, but I get the feeling this depression is supposed to be that obvious. Given Maki’s motivations and connections to the Mochizuki family, I wonder if Maki has been gaslighting Meiko, in a sense. I’d bet Maki is incredibly envious of anyone chosen, and if Meiko has a particular responsibility, or if Maki believes Meiko shouldn’t have been chosen, she’s probably primed her over years to be doubtful of her capabilities. 

While everyone knows Meicoomon is to blame for the infections, etc, Maki was the first one to openly admit it, and she did it so dryly. I don’t know. It always stuck out to me. I don’t trust Maki as far as I could throw her, and I’m not very strong. I wouldn’t be surprised if the extent of Maki’s cruelty is revealed in Tri 6 and that the focus on Meiko’s depression serves a purpose. It’s dark, but this is Tri, and we’re all adults now thank you very much, Toei, I get it. 

I’d like to make a case for Meiko’s sadness. I know the fandom is split on whether it’s too much of a focus or not, but I really think it’s necessary. When you go back and watch scenes from past movies after learning new information, everything is so purposeful. After learning that Meiko is meant to be Meicoomon’s balance, it becomes VERY obvious why Meiko was so hesitant and overly-apologetic in the past. You suddenly realize that every time Meiko apologizes for Meicoomon’s destruction, every time she bursts out crying, each day she skipped school after watching Leomon die, it’s because she genuinely believes the death, destruction, and trauma is due to her failure as the Libra’s balance. When Takeru told her Patamon was infected, she freaked because in her mind, it was her fault. I don’t think Meiko’s depression is overdone because it’s realistic. Can you imagine how much pressure she must have been under? From her father? From Maki? She could never fail. What if she got sick? Heck, what if she died? Who would control Meicoomon? That’s so fucked up. SO fucked up. And if her father is being truthful in Kyousei when he seems to just realize how much pressure his daughter is under, it leads you to wonder how Meiko came to understand she was responsible for containing Meicoomon’s powers. My money’s on Maki, and I’d bet a million dollars Maki was manipulative as fuuuuck. Since past movies have given us so many hints about what’s to come in the next installment, Meiko’s sadness leads me to believe we’ll learn the extent of what Maki’s done with the Mochizuki family all these years. What did her gaslighting ential? Why did she help them move to Tokyo? HOW DID HER HANDS “FALL INTO DARKNESS”? Put a pin in that last bit, because I’m gonna come back to it.

So, anyways, Daigo serves as a nice parallel to Taichi, and even Yamato, and I think Maki is meant to showcase a potential future for Meiko and Hikari. Meiko’s potential is obvious- a lost partner, a chosen being unchosen, the list goes on. At some point, though, DarkGennai mentions how those who are the most compassionate or fragile (or something along those lines) are the easiest to break and control. He’s referencing Hikari when he says it, but I wonder if he thought the same thing about Maki at some point. As Homeostasis can speak through them both, I think the similarities are there. 

And the similarities continue for Tailmon and Meicoomon! I’ve discussed the importance of their similarities before, but while watching Tri 5, I noticed some similarities to episode 34 of adventure which seem especially relevant now that we’ve seen hints of Wizarmon on the Tri 6 poster:

If you remember episode 34, or if you’re like me and needed to recently find a terrible streaming site to rewatch it on, you’ll know that Wizarmon is incredibly lonely when he meets Tailmon, that he has a heart of stone from being lonely, and is convinced that he’s going to die from it. Tailmon saved him, and Hikari saved Tailmon. Back in the cave in present times:

(Mr. Mochizuki references Meicoomon’s loneliness when his daughter wasn’t around, and Meiko’s been separated from her partner an awful lot recently. Hackmon talks about how Meicoomon was isolated and feared due to it’s power.)

And then Hikari jumps in all too knowingly...

Interestingly, Wikimon has Meicrackmon VM’s card translated as follows:

And wow, what a Fan Moment™ it would be for Wizarmon to swoop in and fix all of this (which hopefully he doesn’t literally do because THERE’S NO TIME LOL). In all seriousness, though, the meaning of being chosen, of being a partner, will definitely be a huge theme in Tri 6 and I’m excited to see what happens. I’m also wondering if anything will come of Maki’s cold heart- I believe Daigo described it that way in one of the prior movies?

Anyways, let me reel this back in for a second to discuss more briefly some smaller things I appreciated in Tri 5 before jumping in to the conclusion of it all:

The mature tone: I touched on this before, but a part of the movie that stood out to me was Mrs. Yagami’s naivety about her children’s success. She briefly displays some worry, decides Taichi + Hikari will be okay, and starts making them a ton of food. I’m sure half of his is denial, but I also think this scene wouldn’t have been second-guessed in adventure. Of course the kids are going to be fine because the heroes always win. Now though, Mrs. Yagami’s hope seems out of place. This is highlighted further when Taichi talks to her on the phone. Mrs. Yagami lightheartedly states that it’s been a long time since Taichi’s had a summer filled with so much excitement. When she said this, I instantly thought about how Taichi must have been reeling for adventure after returning home from the digital world. I’ve always imagined him sitting in class, staring out the window, daydreaming about what Agumon must be up to in the next world over. I was kind of shocked when his response was “What are you talking about?” This isn’t an adventure to Taichi anymore. It was always serious, but the innocence of childhood is long gone. 

The attention to details: I need to respectfully disagree with the assertion that Tri is lacking details. I’ve found it to be full of callbacks, if you’re looking for them, and I think it’s taking the time to highlight little things it doesn’t necessarially have to show us. One example of this is the Ishida-Takaishi family dynamic. To me, it was unclear whether Yamato’s dad even answered the phone, and Yamato outright denies the chance to speak with his mother. When I was wondering what the chosen children were up to in the years before Tri, these were the sorts of details I was wondering about. The fact that Tri took the time for this scene, amongst others, is what gives me hope about the sixth movie actually being able to wrap things up. 

I also appreciate the details that don’t necessarily involve callbacks. Very pleased about the fanfiction fodder that is Yamato being terrified of ghost stories, and Takeru totally willing to throw him under the bus about it. Uh, I also noticed how unnervingly quick Takeru was to whip up an excuse for the police. He seemed, er, a little too calm when running away.

The Sorami: I mean, did you think I’d make a post about this movie and not mention the Sorami? I APPRECIATE THEM SO MUCH LOL. IT HAS TO BE CANON, RIGHT? They were literally sleeping holding hands. I can’t. I digress...

The cramming of everyone digivolving into one single screen: THANK YOU.

Whew. This is getting long, but this brings me what I really want to talk about: The ending. 

So, the second half of Kyousei is a lot. I may or may not have cried twice. Oh, and, surprise! There’s the dark ocean. I really didn’t mind Taichi & Meiko’s conversation but I also don’t really have much to add about it besides what I discussed before. I definitely noted that Meiko interprets “you shouldn’t have been born” to include both her and Meicoomon, and I’m not surprised Taichi snapped at her. I would also like to note that Meiko & Agumon’s conversation (was super cute) was kinda revealing. Meiko envies Taichi, along with everyone else. She apologizes for scaring everyone early, Agumon says he wasn’t scared, and Meiko flashes back to a bunch of moments in which Meicoomon was scared. That... didn’t sit right with me. I do believe that Meiko yearns for a more typical partnership with Meicoomon, but yet again we have an instance of Meiko seemingly toying with the idea of giving it all up. 

On Yamato: WOW! Okay, so, my absolutely favorite part of the movie is when Meiko asks the chosen children to kill Meicoomon. Yamato’s been pushing Taichi to stop hesitating, to stand with his friends, to do what’s right. After sprinting into the digital world monologueing about the importance of protecting friends, much to Yamato’s satisfaction (...i presume), he makes the decision that Meiko is right and that they should, indeed, kill off her partner. Not only is this in obvious contract with Yamato’s crest, but it’s got to be fucking infuriating to watch your closest ally step up to the plate just in time to kill off someone the chosen have spent a lot of time protecting. I understand Yamato as the type of character to keep his grievances private. He’ll shoot you a glare from across the room and fight back if you’ve hit his temper, but I don’t think he’s the type to let other people see his anger make him weak. This... I think this was Yamato’s low point, and he aired it out in front of fucking e v e r y b o d y. After grabbing Taichi by the collar and pushing him away, Yamato just stands there and screams. I can’t think of a time he’s ever done something like that. He is SO internally conflicted, and frustrated, and sad, and dare I say... lonely? You SAW how sad he was (he blushed!) when confronting Taichi about Omegamon breaking up early. I think this is foreshadowing a major plotline for the final movie. After all, Yamato hasn’t truly had a solo-arc yet. 

On Hikari: Hikari’s another one who will be front and center in the sixth movie. Her arc is definitely not over, and I’m excited for the potential of her plotline intersecting with Yamato’s. I’m reminded of the Vamdemon arc from Adventure and how horribly awkward it was for Yamato to take care of Taichi’s little sister. I hope we see that sorta tension again. And listen, I truly understand everyone’s frustration with Hikari not being the main focus of her movie. I do think it’s a bit problematic that we base our expectations on who shows up on the next poster, but I understand. I do. It sucks. I would have been mad if this was Sora, yet while I understand, I’m not particularly bothered. It’s obvious that Hikari will play a huge role in the final movie. Also, if you can imagine me holding a giant flashing arrow and pointing it towards 02, that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. All you Hikari fans got like, a season and a half and two movies where Hikari played a major role. There’s also the potential that if Tri goes on to Tri 02 (please, hear my prayers, amen), she’ll also play a huge role. I do think that we’ll learn more about older Hikari as Tri finishes up, so this is where I’m at right now. I’m fine spending more time with some of the other kids. I’m fine watching them interact with a new character. Not everyone has to agree with me, like please, be mad about it if that’s how you feel! This is just my two cents. 

On Taichi: You selfless, stupid idiot. Youuu infuriating contradictory little shit. You in all of your poorly-timed nobleness pulled a Jack-from-Titanic and let yourself die when Omegamon could have TOTALLY swooped on over to you and picked you and Daigo up. THERE WAS ROOM FOR EVERYONE UNDER HIS ARMS. Dammit, Taichi. You just killed your sister, broke Sora’s heart, and jump-started Yamato’s looming mid-life crisis all in one go, and beyond the fourth wall, we all know you’re kicking around underground with Daigo having a heart-to-heart about what the morality of adulthood entails, every once in awhile stopping to say “shit, we should probably try and get back up there, right?”

Okay, okay, I’m being unreasonable. I really do love the angst. Taichi falling into a very cartoon-y certain non-death makes me wonder, though, if he had a sense something like this was coming. Once again, the focus on his hesitation and reflectiveness seems purposeful. It reminds me of the way people might act before they die. What am I here for? What can I do? What’s the purpose of it all? It makes sense that he’s stuck with Daigo, as I think he’s been asking himself the very same questions. His easy-going nature conflicts with his role and remembering how got all serious with the police and so on... it seemed unnatural for him (although I was here for it tbh, hey Daigo). Perhaps he’s also still stuck in this kid-adult limbo. ANYWAYS-

In my Loss review, I discussed how it’s actually fairly common for Taichi to hesitate. He truly does go back and forth between being a hot-head and overthinking things, but it’s struck me recently that many of the moments in which he hesitates involve a realization of his own mortality and relative insignificance in relation to everything going on in the universe around him. Going back and watching the other movies, watching Taichi + Yamato bicker about what the right thing to do is, how to avoid the most death and tragedy... it seems sort of cruel. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional but as Yamato made the case for saving more civilians by doing something, Taichi’s blank stare, his hesitation... it’s almost as if he knows he’s stuck in purgatory and yeah, they could do something, but hey Yamato, “I don’t wanna die. I’ll die too.” 

As I type that out, I’m now realizing those are the words I’ve been looking for all of Tri. Taichi’s moving like he’s trying to navigate purgatory and he’s not sure which choices will show him the light. 

As Taichi made the ultimate sacrifice, I was reminded of this scene on Loss:

Taichi did something. And I’ll leave it at that. I felt a lot of sadness going back and watching this scene but I’m not quite sure what to make of it yet. All I can say is that when Yamato demanded that everyone stand, I was glad Sora was the first one who did.

On the ending: As Hikari’s digimon chased after her, calling her name each time Hikari called for Taichi, I wanted to reach out and tell it to be quiet. Hikari was so shocked and mournful, but still, that sentiment is so anti-ethical to who Hikari is. We’ve had all this talk about partners, and I found it peculiar for Hikari to mumble that she was supposed to be at her brother’s side. She over-relies on him so much that even Takeru gets annoyed with it. So what can a partner do? Evolve to Ophanimon FM, I guess. 

Ophanimon, born from Hikari’s despair and closed off heart, Hikari, being the one DarkGennai references as being so easy to manipulate due to her fragility.

Which is all... fine and evil. Just... after the perfectly creepy jogress evolution we saw... what the ffuck digimon is that? It definitely is not Mastemon but it reminds me of Mastemon, given it’s description. It doesn’t really make sense, but I felt like I needed to contribute something lol. It’s listed as being able to evolve from Meicrackmon VM but... I don’t know. I really have no evidence putting this forward as even a basis for what we saw in Kyousei besides “I just think it sounds kinda similar” so I’m gonna go ahead and wrap up with my final thoughts.

The Dark Ocean: Well, they committed! The dark ocean is involved in Tri and is seemingly the third world that the title of Tri may be referencing. If the Dark Ocean is here though, I’m also assuming Demon is too. It would make sense I suppose, him swearing revenge on the 02 kids and promising to free himself as revenge against the ultimate being of good in the digital world.

So, nothing is creepier than Maki standing over the dark ocean, gun in hand, arms outstretched like she’s the world’s savior: a holy trinity all in one person. The waves knock her down and that’s the last we see before flashing to Daigo’s memories.  

I’m left wondering how Maki got into the world of darkness in the first place. I remember Ken using his own darkness to open a portal and am wondering if his image being used as an avatar was some type of foreshadowing. Have the 02 kids been trapped there? Is there where Taichi and Daigo are busy tumbling to? Is the dark ocean’s existence throwing off the balance between the human world and the real world, grabbing hold of the link between them and dragging it down? 

In any case, there’s a lot to ponder here. When the kids don’t even know who they’re fighting it’s difficult for the audience to figure out the players. At first mention of Apocalymon, I wondered if the intent was to bring him back. I then wondered, after seeing the dark ocean, if he manifested as part of the dark world himself, or if he manifested as Maki’s manipulated dread and jealousy. Are her emotions in a sense, Apocalymon, and the source of the shard? I’m now enticed to think about Demon sitting in the dark ocean for years, plotting revenge. Demon originally came to light because Ken dipped his hands into darkness. Apparently, Maki’s done the same. Word. For. Word. I think it makes sense for her suffering to resemble Ken’s. I think she is a true chess piece of a victim and tbh I don’t see her making it out alive. Send Daigo my regards. Movie 6 will be rough and I would not be surprised to see her atone for her sins before a very Oikawa-like death, sacrificing herself to restore balance to all.

As I said in my Loss review, I’m really not that familiar with all the lore in this fandom and most of what I learn comes from my own research (aka late night searches on wikimon). While perusing Demon’s page, I noticed this:

Note that it’s fanmade, but I’m wondering if anyone knows where this came from? It makes sense so in the context of Tri I almost feel like I’m being trolled. Anyways.

I’d like to note that after the “reboot” Maki notes that the net ocean hasn’t appeared yet. I wonder if the overarching goal is to birth a new digital world from this ocean of darkness instead. I can’t really think of anything more guaranteed to throw off the universe’s balance than that.

So here we are. Much like everyone’s feelings about Tri, this review is a mess. I’ve edited it so much and I’m still left with something I’m terribly unhappy with, but I wanted to put it out there before Tri 5 got too far away from me. If you read all of this, thank you? It’s a jumble of thoughts and unverifiable theories that you all can probably debunk in a matter of minutes. See u all in spring/summer 2018 oh my fucking god. Until then, our kids are left on a no-man’s land resembling the place where the original chosen and the 02 kids fell. Meiko, in her envy of Taichi, now carries Koromon in her arms after Taichi’s apparent death. And I don’t want to be the one to say it, but... As we all ponder the meaning of being chosen, whether being chosen matters if you can so easily be cast aside, and how to stretch the limits of being a good partner...

Mrs. Yagami’s food is going to get awfully cold.

[harrisonkitteridge-blog]

The Lying Detective: I’m Actively Hate-watching Now

SPOILERS FOLLOW

I didn’t like the first episode of the new season of Sherlock, but I sincerely hoped having the risible nonsense of the Mary Watson/AGRA storyline tied up would free things up a bit. I think the Culverton Smith case might have delivered, but they went all in on the “I’m so beset by grief I’m hallucinating my dead spouse” gambit. Really? In what we keep being told is “clever” television? Grief is about absence, about a space that can’t be filled, about feeling trapped and asphyxiated by it. But we were never actually shown Mary and John’s relationship, so all the emotional heavy lifting is being done retroactively, and it’s heavy-handed, saccharine, out-of-character claptrap. John being with Rosie, struggling to parent alone would have had me in floods, but Moftiss always chooses exposition when there isn’t a gun being pulled or a joke being cracked. There is something about genuine, non-sensational emotion that seems to make them uncomfortable; it always has to be book-ended by effacing humour. As much as I dislike the “I see dead people” shortcut to exploring grief, I understand that it probably worked for most of the viewing audience, but Moftiss could have at least allowed some of those moments sink in. They just had to cut off the opening scene in the therapist’s office with police sirens and helicopters in service to a gag about Sherlock’s penchant for grand entrances.

Twists>Action>Jokes>>>>>>>>Characters.

The “Culverton Smith is a serial killer case” was serviceable (in spite of the horrible pun they worked in), and I liked Toby Jones’s performance, but they oversold him as a villain, and it didn’t really live up to the hype. There was too much extemporizing – all that soliloquizing in the boardroom had me staring off into space after a while. Giving Toby Jones all the scenery in Greater London to chew isn’t the same as making his character “evil”. There being no victims was a huge omission, in my opinion. You have to see what they’ve done, whom they’ve hurt or none of it really matters. Them erasing all of Smith’s victims sits really poorly with me, and it goes back to the heart of my problem with the direction of the show – the people don’t matter. Not really. Nevertheless, the story held my interest, and (before the twist at the end) I actually quite liked Sherlock’s interaction with Culverton’s “daughter” (even though it was a bit drawn out).

The middle episode of each season tends to be the weakest, and The Lying Detective was definitely one of the better offerings, and I loved Mrs. Hudson deducing Sherlock, her recognising that he’s not a “cold reasoning machine”. So why am I actively hate-watching?

That third act…

Gurl…

Where to begin?

“I killed his wife.”

No you didn’t, Sherlock. Stop making everything about you. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the potential source of the guilt – he thinks he should have seen it coming and is gutted that he didn’t. That feeling that there’s something incongruous about his reaction stems from Moftiss’s story being driven solely by plot. The entire premise of The Lying Detective is that, even off his head on drugs, Sherlock can predict other people’s behaviour a fortnight out. So why the Norbury deduction, then? You didn’t have to be a genius to see that de-escalation was the only play. So, is Moftiss’s Sherlock clever or isn’t he? It depends on what direction they want to take the plot. They play up his intellect for style when it suits them and ignore it when it gets in the way of having a trigger pulled. If he’d given it all he had, used the full power of his mind and still failed, Mary had still died, that twinge of the ego and John’s irrational feeling of betrayal would have been more warranted. All the stubbled, Byronic theatrics would have been earned. He would have been replaying everything in his mind to see what he missed. But he didn’t miss anything. He just acted like a not very clever arrogant cock.

I’ve made it pretty clear that I think the Mary Watson/AGRA storyline was a steaming pile. I didn’t like or believe her character. The character is head-spinningly inconsistent because they keep shoving her around in the plot and not reconciling the conflicts that arise. Nevertheless, I’m sickened by how ill-used she’s been. If The Six Thatchers didn’t already demonstrate it, Mary’s story was all in service to ramping up the man-emo quotient – to get John and Sherlock to gnash their teeth and rend their garments. The loving spouse, smiling beatifically and giving emotional advice from beyond the veil – that’s where they decided to take the BAMF assassin. They can take that nonsense straight back to the vomitorium where they sourced it. But that’s not really my biggest problem with the narrative.

“The only way to save John is to make him save you.”

As, Moftiss has written it, the entire construct of the Sherlock-John-Mary relationship is organised around John being an object – there to be manipulated. Mary couldn’t advise Sherlock to treat John like an adult and be patient and do the unsexy, heavy lifting of being a best mate. That would mean treating John like a person, not a series of buttons to push. Do you know what works with most non-personality disordered people who have “trust issues”? Persistence. But that’s not flashy enough, though, is it? Telling a drug addict who has a history of reckless behaviour that might reasonably be classified as self-harm to put himself in terrible danger to spur John into action is something a psychopath would suggest. That is Moftiss’s vision of the loving spouse whose spectre is haunting John. Except I honestly don’t think they even see the deeply disturbed psychology they’ve conjured. In their minds, Mary has been completely rehabilitated, and her egging Sherlock into self-harm is noble, just like shooting and nearly killing him somehow was. Are mature adults who’ve actually been in relationships or who’ve just interacted with other human beings for any length of time really meant to be taking any of this seriously? And then there’s the notion that someone as warped as Mary had much to teach John about being a good man – that her vision of him was somehow superior to what he already is. John Watson isn’t perfect, but this idea that he needed Mary to improve him and get him up to scratch is not only unsupported by everything that’s come before but relies on the grotesque stereotype that every man is a bumbling dumb fuck who needs a “good woman” to straighten him out. Disgusting. Moftiss have constructed a reality in which a person who is willing to shoot and kill people to hide her past ill deeds has a superior moral compass to someone who inappropriately texted a woman he met on a bus. All the brutal violence Mary did to the eponymous hero of the show is inconsequential, but John flirting via text is of great importance. It’s no wonder the story is careening out of control. The things that should matter don’t.

The return of Irene Adler.

A few months ago, in an Instagram post, I theorised that Sherlolly was the ship Moftiss would most likely go for (there was never going to be Johnlock). I knew an attractive woman was always going to be their play, so, barring a newcomer, I assumed it would be Molly. Irene Adler would be next in line. Sherlolly just seemed like the likeliest outcome given Molly helping Sherlock fake his death and the way she came out of her shell and started calling him on his bullshit. But I underestimated just how much Moftiss esteem flash over substance. I do not like the handling of Irene Adler in any of the recent incarnations of Sherlock Holmes and will continue to argue until there is no breath left in me that: Irene Adler is not Delilah to Sherlock Holmes’s Samson! In the original Arthur Conan Doyle story, A Scandal in Bohemia, she beats him while keeping all of her clothes on and by outstrategising him, not by distracting him and drugging him. Not-quite-dead Mary cackling, “I bet you saved her! The posh boy loves the dominatrix!” made me want to rage puke. The whole point of Irene Adler, what makes her “The Woman”, is that she doesn’t need anyone, least of all Sherlock Holmes to White Knight for her. She handles her business better than he ever could.

Moving on.

I can’t believe they actually had a middle-aged adult tell another middle-aged adult: “romantic entanglement would complete you as a human being.“ Our relationships (romantic and otherwise) should enrich and improve our lives, but this notion that we’re all hobbled and shambling through life and need to be repaired by our “soulmates” has got to stop. It’s why so many people can’t have healthy romantic relationships grounded in reality – they’ve set their significant others (and themselves) unmeetable, fairy tale standards, and their disappointment and ensuing resentment are foregone conclusions.

Take it all straight back to the vomitorium.

Miss me?

No, Jim. I don’t. Whenever a show circles back to the vanquished supervillain, Fonzie is prepping his water skis.

The secret brother is really a secret sister whose name is The East Wind, and she’s completely unhinged and may be Moriarty or is at least connected to him, and there’s some weird psychosexual element between her and her brother who doesn’t seem to know what she looks like, and…

GTFOH AND GTFOH FOREVER!

Once Mary Watson said “It’s a skip code”, a preposterous story became virtually inevitable, so I’m not surprised Sherlock has descended into near pantomime. The real reason I’m pre-emptively upset about the finale is because I know Eurus’s mental illness will be treated solely as a plot driver. Moftiss will only scratch the surface of the pain, the fear, the feelings of failure, the societally enforced shame, the hopelessness that a family goes through when one of them is diagnosed with a mental illness serious enough to require long-term institutionalisation. Really think about what it means to be related to someone who is criminally insane and how much good drama lives there. There will be helicopters and gunfights and fisticuffs, maybe even abseiling, in the finale, but virtually no real examination of the damage done by the emotional claymore mine that went off, kept going off and is still going off in the Holmes family after Eurus was diagnosed. And Eurus herself? Maybe they’ll show her as a child strangling a cat or hurting Redbeard (if they even pay her that much attention outside of letting her gorge herself on the scenery), but she’ll be a caricature, a monster with no inner life. How do I know they’ll do this? Because they spent this entire episode using visual and auditory hallucinations – signs of extreme mental disturbance and distress that require urgent psychiatric intervention – as shorthand for “I’m grieving the death of my spouse”. They couldn’t show John alone, struggling with a newborn, suffering through the feelings of abandonment and intense isolation that underpin grief because it’s too ordinary.

Everyone has been pointing out all the call-backs to previous episodes and what they mean. Here’s my go at it: I predict that John’s grief and psychiatric issues are now magically fixed, just like his limp and his PTSD. Moftiss told us from the very beginning that Sherlock was shallow and emotionally incoherent. But:

I’ll hate-watch the finale just for the sake of completion and as source material for the inevitable rant.

Moftiss…

Ugh…

Thank goodness for the palate cleanser of Elementary…

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

So Jazmine was trying to get her DNA changed to be Brian's child.

She asked me to remove the "daddy's race girl" clothing from the baby registry. So i looked and turns out there wasn't an actual item that said that. So we are good and kept those items.

The nursery section is still under construction and I agree with Alex wait till you see me to buy. Although what he was saying was he has no intention of me going.

Well he's an ass hole and i am not.

And my no the refused to change the twins DNA Only because Jazzy didn't include Annabelle.

Who is Alex Laughlin's biological child he chose to neglect and abandon and doesn't pay child support.

Jazzy says "i meant.. Us.. All. To change our DNA"

"Yep that i can do since you're verbally including Annabelle as well to make sure." Replied my mom

My mom is SO SO SO SO SO SO mad at Alex Laughlin right now. She could choke him out to death in 5 point 6 seconds.

Regardless whether their DNA is changed.

The point i want to express is that i will allow my children to pick who is in thier lives, I always have with Annabelle. When she wanted her gramma Denise I allowed it even if i declared war and was not on speaking terms with her and made it clear i didnt want her in my life.

Alex is from Planet Timbuktu which had imploded in the 1960s and was from a galaxy next door. They were out to visit an their equipment broke down and they just stayed. So anyone trying to find them and succeeding was allowed to stay. They were turkey shaped. Which caused Thanksgiving to be a world wide holiday before it was an USA One.

Of course Zulululu doesn't want to talk about that as they are unwanted invaders and dont want anyone to know about invasions or even aliens.

So Alex was about two years old and he hasn't matured greatly since then. An LLPD said they all adore Alex, always all "come here give me hugs!" But Brian they stand up straight with respect and love and gratitude. And are all "do you want a hug?"

Brian says no. Usually I will say yes until I have a person to person issue to cause me to say no. Or my back hurts.

Brian will say yes when its been earned. Like trust or some form of respecting quality.

Anyway my point besides all the side stories is my kids will face the same as many of you.

My daughter is 16. Does she keep the past company or does she look to the future with Alex? If she has a choice. And i will make sure she does. And if Alex has a problem then my fist and his face will have a close and frequent relationship.

My twins can make their choice up front. They have that right. Hurt him now or risk being hurt themselves.

Windy says she would like two dads. But Jazzy screams "Noooo!" When Windy says that. So I tell her she can stay home with mommy.

Now if this fucking idiot just thinks hes gonna be all willy nilly about just picking up my kids as he sees fit. Well he's fucking wrong.

I'm talking like 16 grown ass men that know fear and hate standing around with AK47 and M16 and shit. I'm not fucking playing. Hes dumb. Plain and simple.

Like dopey he's all cute and shit and the odd one out. But he's not respectable. And definetly not trust worthy in any adult fashion.

He's just a party boy. Which makes him a good friend to have. But. A parent? No. A husband? No.

Windy is all "fine an uncle then"

Alex is all "wow you make it sound like you want nothing to do with me"

Really? He fucking lies. I really don't to be honest. For why would I want to be friends with a liar that treats me like I'm worthless?

I've had at least two husbands I treated tbat way because to me they were. Like they were worthless but I didn't lie to their face. I embraced their inequality and tried to support and encourage them. And I never took their kids from them. Someone's trash is someone else's treasure.

So Alex wants to continue treating me and our kids like trash. Then bye bye.

He doesn't even see that he does. He thinks hes right. Like I said his maturity is very low. Very Dopey. From Snow White and the Seven Drawves if you haven't caught my drift yet.

But he's creative. Just irresponsible. Careless and clueless.

His feelings are more important. Because he fainted when Annabelle was born he decided to flee. Like she would be crawling out my vagina every day. Can't handle diapers. Fucking weakling.

So she's 16 and in just a few short months she will be 17. And we definitely will not be at that race. But somewhere celebrating her life. Because her birthday falls on a race day.

Whether he wants to do something the week before or not that's up to him, but she's not gonna be at the Races when she can be someplace exotic and un ordinary.

Because im the mom. Im the single mom. And her and i have been a team. He's never WANTED or made an EFFORT to be in her life.

Whether or not i would want him in my life doesnt matter. Because I am UNINPORTANT to him.

It makes me angry. I can't even be sad although my anger is stormed by sadness. For him. And mostly my almost 17 year old daughter.

He's fucking weak. And my daughters all need to know that.

Brian does dumb shit because hes too over protective. 8 tours in Iraq. So yeah he's a bit afraid to cause me daily stress if he's gonna die. So he's stayed out of my life. It didn't work though, I figured it out. But also I didn't worry. And believe me. He got his shit beat from him. I wasn't nice about it. For years. If i got in a bad mood. He heard ALL about it. Straight from me and if he didn't he got scared.

So he got his karma. The difference is he's not afraid or whiny about which formula is best for each twin or if they do or don't want a dirty diaper. Or want to use the potty.

And he's not selfish. Which is why people are all "oh give me hugs little Alex" vs standing up straight and asking with respect if ole boy can do with a hug. Steal a hug from the little selfish boy. Ask from the generous man.

I wasn't intending to rant

But to encourage other people to allow their children to choose their parents.

There's a lot of death happening and sadness and people feel hopeless, so to "rant" and compare people is imperative right now. It IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.

Imperative. I relate the word to inoperable and operable. Which means able to operate. Which means work. Imperative means the most important to cause something to work.

So be imperative to your child's companions. Parents are dying.

They need to decide who their replacement is. Gramma. Uncle. Cousin. Stranger.

My 3 girls are no different.

I also had to do the same. I was an orphan and due to amnesia, I'm with who I was "stuck" with. My uncle and a Zulululu I'm aimed to kill.

So Annabelle was stuck with an abusive surrogate Alex picked. Until I got a divorce. The summer after kindergarten, he moved out. Legal divorce didn't come for years because he became abusive about it and so as long as he moved out and left us alone.

For awhile Annabelle wanted to be with her surrogate. So for 2nd grade I gave in and let him for October to March split the week. But she decided she didn't like it

So I had to deal with his whining and crying and bull shit about wanting to see her more

She didn't like him. He was dumb and a Zulululu and selfish. So I stood up to him. It didn't matter to him she didn't want to see him.

Just like I know it won't matter Annabelle will want to see Alex to Alex or his little pathetic friends he finds so important.

But I also know she doesn't give a shit any more. You all think I'm harsh?

Ill be all "this is your biological father he chose Michael to be your dad" she will spit in his face. If I add "because he fainted when I was in labor with you" she would laugh in his face, tell him he's pathetic and ask when we can leave.

It's the truth. I could list all his great qualities and all it will do is hurt her. Because if he's so great, why doesn't he care about her? She would cry.

So fuck that. "Here's him. This is what he did. And why"

Intuition and past experiences takes care of the rest.

I think its extremely important who i am with because of her. But she says "why the fuck would i care?" Uhh duh cause you're still my kid. Her answer is if he's a piece of shit you'll drop him and if not ill fucking move and take care of myself.

And me "well lets get down to it if he's in there raping and molesting you or beating you then you better dam well tell me. Tell me it doesn't fucking matter because it sure as hell does matter your opinion"

"Those are about facts" im told.

Well fucking a relief, we are in this together!

"Well it does matter if you like him because if we go it to eat or to the movie or something"

"Well i will just use him for money"

"Well that's not a high quality of life. Id rather you use someone for money that you actually like and enjoy being with"

"That's not using them for money! That's something different! Idk what its called. What's it called?"

"Allowing someone to be generous and enjoying companionship or company with them. And that's not a bad thing as long as you appreciate it"

"Appreciation! Its called using someone for money but liking it! I mean appreciating it! Am i right?!"

Well yeah, in all technical terms.

"Or allowing someone to be your daddy?"

"How come not mom?!"

"Because im not gay or bi sexual"

"I am already through with dads. Can you be gay or even just a little bi sexual, a little for me please?"

"No"

Same shit since she was 8. Half her life.

And Alex is the one that made sure she would be through with dads. Brian was standing right there. And he picked someone known to be abusive and on drugs and an alcoholic.

So really. If you ask me. Spit is kind. He deserves to be shot in the face.

She won't hold me back. But i can't make her uncomfortable or unhappy because she gives me freedom.

That would break my own heart.

So i encourage others especially those suffering wirh COVID to make your plans.

I have in my WILL actually an 18 year old when I made it to take her. I have a house with the social security she would get from my death it would be enough to split the mortgage and bills. The 18 year old works.

It allows him, its not her soul mate but what I believed to be a blood relative, to get out on his own and be with a young adult that needs to be looked after during her time of need in case of my death.

Make sure food is available, the home is clean, bills are paid, doctor appointments are done and so on. And that life has a bit of fun, on top. And little stress due to him not wanting to be a parent but a friend.

An 18 year old more responsible than her own father or the other he had picked.

For him an affordable safe place to live and for her an adult to be legal guardian so she can be left alone by Denise and Michael. Both aggressive enough to lock the door and not open it when someone on the other side isnt wanted. And kind enough to take time to understand why the other chose to not open the door and support that or at least let it live.

Because that is what my daughter needs. Someone to support that and someone of legal age and capabilities to provide decent living conditions.

And enough in common to enjoy life. And enough respect to allow differences the other may not prefer to do or have.

And so that is what i have set up.

He's not full of infinite wisdom or even all the time patient or unaggrevating. But he's kind enough. And he's not altogether selfish. Self orientated but so is she and so am I.

That's independent with a demand to be cared for and about.

And luckily they mesh well enough.

Alex could have but he chose fear. Not responsibility.

Although he promised he wouldn't. Swore up and down..

His friend Ben that goes by Matt, "she's never going to get pregnant just come on with me"

They left. So i sent a pregnancy test over to where they were. "Oh that's fake" said Ben.

Well i have an almost 17 year old that DNA4U says is Alex's.

But Ben mattered. Not me. Not her.

And certainly not Alex.

While that makes me sad that Alex doesn't even care about himself i know there's nothing i can do about that and i def will not make excuses to him to any of our daughters.

And I would just as soon want to write him off myself.

No point in caring for someone like him. Not any proof of that in my life. Its just a waste of time and energy

So please write a WILL and email it to those that are leaders in your family and who it includes.

Example:

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

I want Sam to have my 3 cars.

I want Janice to have my house.

I want Jacklyn to have guardianship of my kids. She can find my life insurance and bank information in my safe. I have provided that information about my safe in a place I will tell my friend Sally.

For my last testaments those will also be located by Sally and given to whom needs to know.

Then i sign my legal name and i email it to Jacklyn, Janice and Sam as well as Sally.

Then Sally comes over and i tell her "look on top the fridge, i taped the envelopes you need down" or "look under my drawer, pull it out and look above youll find the info in case I die"

Jacklyn doesnt need to know all my insurance or bank info now and it might change between now and then. I told my kid, just look in my wallet. She's beneficiary and so she gets all everything. And some banks offer life insurance.

I chose someone my daughter can get along with and won't change her or force her to feel her choices are wrong. Someone whom will accept her and she can accept without changing her lifestyle very much.

So please do do so for your kids and please do ask.

Sure there are more legal ways but this is pretty desperate times and so a judge fully understanding it is your true will and testament and can prove it by your IP address and email address it is valid even in court

Further you can text from your phone number "I've emailed you my last will and testament to email@email.com from my regular email, email@email.com if you're worried about securing that legality

I text my entire WILL then emailed it. So They have two proofs. Then emailed it to myself.

So. The point is to validate the identity of the writer.

Once that is done what is written is the legal will.

Sally also knows where the title of the cars are -- in my safe and Sally is named my executer of my will although I didn't use the formal words that's who she is.

Jacklyn is younger and knows Sally so she will let Sally take the kids and so on. Which I wrote in request in the safe because I don't want to negoatate or questions. Its what I want.

And Sally will give that to Jacklyn in a sealed envelope even Sally didn't look in. "Family plan for Jacklyn" saying EXACTLY how I want my children raised. No spanking. No drugs or drinking under 18. No sleep overs with boys. No disrespect but facts. And to see Sally twice weekly. Plus normal clothing and feeding and shelter. Which Jacklyn has proven capable.

Even more I could just emailed the above and said "Sally has my last will and testament" if i wanted to keep the peace and not hear about how im driving Sam's inheritance wrong according to Sam.

I gave everything to Annabelle which is what her guardian would need to know so I told them both.

Of course the future will change that but...

Even so that's all her life. The twins aren't born yet and didn't have nearly their whole life in that house.

And of course saddling an 18 year old with nearly 17 year old is different than new borns. And by the time it gets to it she will be 18. So. She won't need a guardian...

So. I encourage you all to grasp your future and atrmpt a control of it after your death.