#now babe. we have to wash the dishes but i cant stand at the skin because leaning over puts too much pressure on my back

[mement0--m0ri]

So, after calling my insurance company three times over two days, I finally got some answers.

It looks like at this point they are happier enough with my verbal update that I will still receive payments for the next three months. But!.. BUT.. I have to get an updated assessment report from EVERY member of my medical treatment team by the end of July 😅😅 did some quick math and Im looking at $1,400 (minimum 🫠) to get these reports done.

They also want to use my uni placement as a "suitable to return to the full-time work force" test. So basically, if I want to pass this placement I need to work well 4 times a week, but if I'm able to do that Im also expected to return to the workforce. Which I know is 100% fair, but what makes me annoyed is there is a pretty high chance this isnt going to go well. I had class (online, for 2 hrs) this morning. After sitting at a fully ergo, set up for my physical disabilities study area, I had to take the call from the insurance company laying in bed because I literally felt ill from sitting upright. I have hEDS and other conditions that cause chronic pain and sublaxations/dislocations. If I sit longer than about an hour my hips literally slip out of place and it causes pain to shot down my legs and up my spine.

Anyway, long story short (or not?) I'm still angry about the situation. I know there are people out there who con their way into disability payments or try to stay on them past when they need to. But I dont understand why suddenly out of nowhere they have decided I'm no longer trustworthy? There is only two things I can think of that would have changed their mind.

That being the last update, I explained that my pain specialist basically fired me as a client. Not because I wasn't going or anything, but because she told me there was nothing else she could do for me and basically that I was wasting money by seeing her. And my exercise physiologist mentioned that I don't need to use my wheelchair or cane anymore. Well, okay, he said I dont use them, not that I don't need them. Tbh, I really could have used one of them yesterday while grocery shopping with my mum, but Im stubborn and at a certain point you get sick of strangers asking questions when you are young and "dont look disabled".

Anyway, a little stressed out about the next three months but feeling slightly better about the situation.

I got an email today that I might be losing my disability payments. I actually missed a call because I was sleeping because the funny thing about chronic pain is that it is normally easier to sleep through oain rather than deal with it.

So I got sone bullshit email about my doctor not playing ball and apparently now they will be requesting updated medicals from all my treatment team to decide whether I am still "disbaled enough" to receive monthly payments.

Srsly this is the worst timing. I start placement in mid July for uni. Its going to be 4 days a week for 16-18 weeks, fully unpaid. And now I might be needing to find a job around that? I mean it has also taking 2 months to find a company that would take me on for placement because if my disabilities. And now I might have to find a part-time job 3 days a week, so work 7 days a week, 4 for free, to try and be able to afford rent.

I'm seriously fucked if I lose my income protection.

[ri-ahhh]

Okay, but with Grayson complaining about being lonely and wanting a girlfriend I CANT HELP but to think about how horny he probably is on top of that. Like- its been on my mind for days, so can you PLEASE write something about gray meeting a bitch, like through friend or something, and realizing he likes her and then having these dirty thoughts about her, and like he doesn't want to but he just cant help it... I will die and love you forever, you're writing is my absouloute favortie.

Ur so sweet babe haha thank you😊 hope this is along the lines of what you wanted.

Getting his dick wet has never been a problem for Grayson Dolan; not since receiving his first sloppy, inexperienced blowjob when he was on tour at the tender age of 16. There’s been a steady flow of girls in and out of his life ever since, fulfilling both his needs sexually and the fleeting desire for noncommittal intimacy. And that’s how he likes it for the longest time. Easy and no-strings-attached.

But he’s older now, and even though quarantine hadn’t stopped him from hitting up his favorite one or two booty calls every now and then, he feels empty in a way that’s becoming all-too familiar. It’s not a new feeling, but every time he leaves their homes (because that’s his number one rule — hookups stay out of his bed), there’s a longing that wasn’t satisfied and that’s becoming more and more apparent to him.

So he stops fucking around — literally. He believes in the power of the mind and manifestation almost to a fault, and considers that maybe he’s letting casual hookups interfere with what he really wants: companionship.

It seems like a breeze at first. Grayson swears he feels lighter, clearer in the head, more focused on what he wants out of his life. He puts his mind to being the best version of himself and hoping that it’s enough to attract the same kind of person that he can put all of his love and effort into in return.

As months roll on, however, he realizes that sometimes the universe just doesn’t listen right away. And for the first time in his life, Grayson discovers the monotony and reality of what it’s like for the ‘regular’ guys out there, whose only sexual pleasure comes from their own hand and the porn category of choice for the night. He was used to that as a filler, for sure, but not as his one and only outlet.

Plain and simple, he’s horny. All the time. Which makes him grumpy, and irritable, and frustrated with both himself and everything around him. So when Ethan tells him in passing that his girlfriend is flying in from New York with her friend to visit, it just makes him grunt. The fact that his brother is in such a happy and healthy relationship himself is a point of contention for Grayson in his head. He’s thrilled for Ethan, but he can’t help but dwell on the creeping jealousy in his chest. Here he is, starved for both intimacy and sex now, and Ethan will get served both of those the following night in excess while Grayson lies in his bed alone.

The next night, they’re all having dinner at the kitchen table ��� all four of them, including her. The friend. The friend that Ethan had mentioned would be coming but that Grayson had so brusquely ignored. The friend that had his eyebrows raised the second she walked shyly through his front door, drawn in immediately by her beauty.

The friend he can’t keep his eyes off of now as she goes to town on the roasted sweet potatoes and black bean burgers he had made himself. She’s quiet but witty and has a cute laugh that makes his heart flutter a little in a way he hasn’t experienced in a long time.

He feels a nudge against his ribs, and startles when he jerks to the side to see Ethan staring at him pointedly with a knowing little smile on his lips.

“You’ve got ketchup on your shirt, bro,” he says, nodding to the blob of red on Grayson’s white shirt that had dropped from the forkful of sweet potatoes, which had only made it halfway to his mouth as he listened to her talk.

“Shit,” he mumbles embarrassedly, flushing a color near the tomato-red that’s now stained his shirt. Of course, the first time he’s feeling real feelings around a beautiful girl, he has to revert to awkward, clumsy Grayson rather smooth, relaxed Grayson.

He starts to scrub up the mess with his napkin, but she reaches out from her seat across the table from him and grabs his wrist in her petite hand. “Oop, wait! Dab, don’t swipe, or you’ll make it worse. I know how to get that out as long as it’s not smeared around into the fabric.”

Grayson swallows, his arm flaring with goosebumps at her gentle but insistent touch, but tries to keep his cool. She’s grinning at him amusedly, then sits back in her seat when Grayson follows her instructions.

“I thought ketchup was one of those things that you’re just kinda fucked if you get it on your clothes, Ethan says, filling the silence left by his brother.

She shakes her head. “Nope. Peroxide will get it right out, especially if you wash it after. Do you have any?”

Ethan cocks a brow and looks at Grayson, hoping he’ll use the opportunity to speak to her. Thankfully, he does, even if it is lacking a little bit of gracefulness. “Huh, peroxide? Oh... uh, yeah, I — yeah, in my bathroom.”

“I’ll help you when we’re all done, if you want,” she offers before taking a modest bite of her burger.

Grayson nods, and can’t help but watch the way she sucks a bit of barbecue sauce off her thumb once she swallows. His heart picks up and he has to shift in his seat a little when she winks at him, his pants tightening under the table. Damn it. He’s been trying to avoid that reaction and those thoughts, determined to do this right.

He fixes a smile to his lips, and hopes his face isn’t giving him away. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

Everyone helps clean up the table and dishes, and Grayson leads her into his room while they leave the other two to have some alone time. He prays that he made his bed that morning and that there’s no dirty underwear on the floor or used tissues on the nightstand.

Luckily, the floor is relatively clear, and the bed is made, if haphazardly so. She follows him into the en-suite bathroom and watches him dig under the cabinet in the first aid bucket he has down there.

She’s wearing jean shorts and a loose-knit sweater, and when Grayson starts to stand back up he takes a moment to appreciate the tone in the muscles of her legs and the flashes of skin he can see through her top, hoping he isn’t being too obvious.

She takes the brown bottle from him and tugs on the hem of his shirt. “It’ll be easier if you take this off.”

Grayson nods, and can’t help the laugh that escapes him when she turns her back to him. “What are you doing?”

“Giving you your modesty! I don’t know you, for all I know you might be super insecure.”

“At the risk of sounding like a total douche, I promise I’m not,” he answers, reaching behind his neck to tug the collar up and over his head. “Here you go.”

She turns back around, and Grayson doesn’t miss the way her eyes travel over his sculpted torso. He can’t help but smirk a little, thrilled at the cute blush that tinges her cheeks when she meets his eyes and realizes she’s been caught.

He hasn’t had a woman look at him like that in months, however, and he’s grateful when she tells him, “This will need to go in the laundry tonight if you want to make sure the stain comes out, so you’ll need another shirt anyways.”

It gives him an out to duck into his closet, taking a moment to collect himself before grabbing the first T-shirt his hand touches and slipping it over his head.

“Cold water first,” she informs, smiling at him through the mirror when he re-emerges as she leans over the sink with the water running. She shuts off the water and squeeze out the excess, then takes the peroxide and pours some onto the stain.

“Woah,” Grayson says, eyebrows raised in surprise at the fizzing bubbles visibly picking up the bright red from the fibers of his shirt. “Where did you learn this trick?”

“I work in the toddler room at a daycare. We keep this stuff on sight and scene to avoid 20 outfit changes a day on a few two year-olds. I’m sure you can imagine the amount of ketchup and blood stains a toddler procures on the daily.”

Grayson chuckles. He feels himself growing more fond of her by the second. “You like kids?”

“I love them,” she replies with a grin. “Working in childcare is pretty rough, but it’s been a great college job. Lots of experience for my degree. And, you know, good practice for the future one day.”

If he hadn’t been sold by now, that does it. Beautiful, smart, and good with kids?

He takes a moment to assess himself and his thoughts. He doesn’t think he’s letting his dick lead him right now, even if he does want her that way. He’s just as attracted to her mind as he is the curves of her body and the features of her pretty face, and finds himself wanting to talk to her for hours on end.

He doesn’t realize there’s a heated silence, both of them standing there staring at each other, until she clears her throat and holds up his shirt. Grayson glances down at it to see just a faint brown rim around what use to be a bright red mark. “All done.”

“Thank you,” he says, taking it from her and tossing it in his laundry basket. “Come on, hopefully we don’t walk into something we can’t unsee.”

“You make a pretty good meat shield,” she says jokingly, following close behind him. “All big and broad. I can just hide behind you and keep my eyes unscarred.”

Grayson laughs loudly, his ego swelling, and he has to resist the urge to take her hand in his. That would be too much. Right?

Thankfully, the couple is just cuddling innocently on the loveseat when they enter the living room.

“Movie?” Ethan asks when the two of them settle on the couch, a respectful and calculated distance between them — not too close and not too far.

“Sure.”

They’re all in a fun and lighthearted mood tonight, so they settle on Moana. Grayson wants nothing more than to throw his arm around the beautiful girl next to him, who sings along playfully to the songs she knows, her enthusiastic movements shuffling her closer to him. He doesn’t know if it’s intentional, but he doesn’t really care; her presence in both body and spirit feels good to him.

Ethan’s girlfriend only makes it about halfway through the movie before she’s passed out, tired from the long flight earlier that day. He looks down at her fondly and chuckles when he sees her nuzzled sound asleep against his chest.

“I’m gonna take her to bed,” he announces quietly before standing with her in his arms. “Goodnight, guys.”

They both murmur back “goodnight” and watch Ethan disappear down the hall. The movie plays on for a couple of minutes, before she’s turning to him and making small talk. Which turns into broader conversation about bigger things. Which leads to them settling so close that their knees touch. She finds an excuse to pick an invisible fleck of something off his hand, which turns into their fingers playing with each other’s teasingly.

Which turns to Grayson checking his watch in a quiet but not unpleasant lull, and muttering, “Oh, shit,” in surprise.

She checks her phone lying on the couch cushion behind her. The time shines back at her 1:27 AM.

“Damn, when did it get so late?” she wonders aloud, looking at him amusedly.

Grayson shakes his head. “Time flies,” he says. Whether it’s the late hour, or him getting his mojo back, or just the fact that he’s so naturally comfortable with her, he suddenly feels bold enough to reach out and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “Are you tired?”

She blushes and bites her lip, allowing him to keep his warm palm pressed to her neck while his thumb strokes the ridge of her jaw gently.

“Not really,” she answers, scooting that much closer to him. “Not ready to go to my bed, anyways.”

She’s referring to the guest room she’s already settled her things into. Grayson smiles. Rules be damned, he thinks, until he realizes in the next moment that there’s no way this amazing girl is going to be just a hookup. There’s no rule to be broken.

“Why don’t you come to mine, then?”

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

[hanbinsharem]

Best Friends

Part 1 Part 2   Part 3 Part 4

Note : This will get very intense if what i am thinking gets on here exactly like i want it. Please do not hesitate to stop reading if you feel triggered :) Sorry for grammar and shit... Word Count : I think over 2000 ? Who cares :P

“Mr Kim, please tell me exactly what you did on Saturday night and Sunday ?” Hanbins heart is hammering against his rib cage, trying to run away from all this. They had been talking for 15 minutes now but the woman didn't seem like she was suspecting the boy.

“ I was togheter with my best friend Jiwon. “ He explains.

“Can your friend testify ? “ She asks tipping something in her thick Laptop. Hanbin is sure that Jiwon judge her for not getting a light Apple Laptop and carrying around a heavy one.

“Yes. He came with me today. I - I am still shocked that my dad died. “ Hanbins voice sounds painful and its the first time the women is looking up and into his eyes, like she can symphatise with him. “ I am sorry. It must be a painful experience for you, but can you recall your father having enemies or someone who he is indebted to ? “

Hanbin wants to scream Me, you idiot. I was his fucking enemy.He hated me and I killed him. Instead he shakes his head ”There is always people you don't like, i guess. But it was never to that extend that someone would try to kill him. “
 “Any drug use ?” She asks, looking straight into hanbins eyes.

“I-I dont know” Hanbin stammers.  

“Okay Mr. Kim” And his eyes water and her features seem to soften. “ I am sorry. This must be hard for you. Can you tell me if you saw a red haired boy with blue eyes? “ She asks him. Hanbin shakes his head confused “ No, I am sorry. Is he a suspect ?”

“He was seen 5 minutes before the fire ignited. “ She explains “ But his face was not seen, because he had a black hoody on.”  

Hanbin nodds, because the police officers seem to believe him, but he is also confused on who the boy might be.

“Thank you Mr Kim.We will try to catch the murderer of your father “ She smiles at him, and hanbin responds “ Please do” His voice is weak and he really wants them to know the truth, want them to punish him for his own mistakes, but there is a difference between talking and thinking and Hanbin would rather keep it to himself. Because its not just Hanbins sin anymore, Jiwon is his partner in crime and while Hanbin deserves to be in Jail, he strongly believes that Jiwon doesn’t.  

After Hanbin is done with the Interview, Jiwon is called in. He wants to wait inside of the police station but decides to go outside, because he feels suffocated inside. Jiwon comes out smiling 15 minutes after and Hanbin sighs relieved. They hug each other and Jiwon kisses his forehead. “We will get trough this together”

Hanbin believes his words for the first time.

—

When they sit in the Car, Jiwon calls his girlfriend smiling and starting the Car. Hanbins heart clenches but he remains silent.

“ Hey Babe” Hanbin knows that Jiwon still tries to lower his voice more when he speaks to his girlfriend. Apparently its more manly, or so Jiwon explains him every time Hanbin makes jokes about it.

“Yeah, I was busy. Sorry, babe. I know you were worried” He sighs and holds the phone away from his ear when his girlfriend starts to shout. He waits until there is silence again, before he puts it anywhere near his ear.

“Of course I am listening. I will make it up to you okay ? Be ready tonight. Lets go eat.“ He starts to drive while nodding to whatever his girlfriend has to say and Hanbin looks out the window.

“I will pick you up around 8. Yeah be ready.” He pauses before adding “ Okay see you tonight babe.” After ending the call he smiles.

“Getting laid tonight, huh?” Hanbin says dryly and Jiwon is grinning like a idiot, nodding and although is smile doesn't contain the same amount of Hapiness it used to, it still contains the sun.

“I hope so” he answers “ But if you need me, I will stay.” Hanbin rolls his eyes. “ Yeah sure, big boy”

But Jiwon doesn't laugh “ I mean it, you idiot. “

“Just go”  Hanbin relpies and looks out the window again. “ I need time for myself anyway.”

Jiwon nodds, turning the car right. “ I wont be too late. Tell me if you need anything, yeah? “

Hanbin lays his head quietly on the window, crossing his arms.

—————

Its quiet in the house after Jiwon leaves. He bought Hanbin a burger and forced him to eat it on the way home to make sure he ate before he left him alone. He also told hanbin again and again to call him if something should happen.

Hanbin doesn't know what to do. Everything feels so unreal and empty. He still feels like his father will be home when he gets back to the house Jiwon burned down.

He doesn't know what to do with his life. He probably needs to start searching for a Job. Maybe he could become a bartender ? or a waitress and save up some money to study medicine. And its ironic how he wants to become a doctor, when he poisned his father.

But it was his childhood dream and the only thing he can hold on to right now, not to sink in the deep ocean. Because the ocean will swallow him up, suffocate him, and while his skin will be ice cold, his insides will be burning because of the lack oxygen.

Hanbin sighs and lets himself fall on the couch closing his eyes.

He wants to help Jiwon somehow, until he finds his own place. Because he feels like a burden anyway and he would like to feel less like a burden.

So he decides, maybe he should clean up Jiwons house and he could also give a part of his earnings to him.

He stands up and moves to the kitchen. There is not a lot to do here. His washes the dishes and wipes the tables. Then he moves to the living room and Jiwon´s living room is far more messy than the kitchen. Clothes are lying around and he remembers vaguely Jiwon once telling him that he had worn some of his boxers over 2 weeks.  So his face turns sour, when he picks one of his boxers up.

He divides them by colour which is easy. Because Jiwon either wears black or white. He rarely has other colours like red or blue.

He the moves to Jiwons bedroom and there he is immediately sees a poster of a naked woman.  If Hanbin looked up the definition of straight white asian boy in a lexicon, he would probably find Jiwon´s picture in there.Hanbin sighs starting to pick up the clothes that are lying on the floor and divides them in their different colours as well.

While he is differentiating the different colours, the door bell rings and Hanbin wonders why Jiwon came back so early considering his “getting laid” plans.

But when he opens the door he is met with equally confused blue eyes instead of brown ones. “May I help you ?” Hanbin asks leaning onto the door, hands crossed.

“Yeah, is Bobby home ?” the boy asks. His voice is smooth like butter and he looks like someone who has more money than Hanbin could ever dream off. Not like someone who belongs here, to this little apartment.

Hanbin eyes him suspiciously. Although the boy looks rather innocent, he doesn't look like he is in the right place. “Who is asking ? “ Hanbin raises one of his eyebrows.

The boy frowns “ My bad. I should introduce myself. My name is Jinwoo. Bobby and I are ..” He stops as if to look for the right word. “ Friends from work” he decides in the end.

“Really ?” Hanbin asks “ Its weird I never heard of you then. I am his best friend, you see.”

“I see. You must be Hanbin then. “ He offers Hanbin his hand but that just confuses Hanbin more.

He takes his hand back after a few seconds, realising Hanbin doesn't want to shake it. “Jiwon mentioned you a few times.” he explains.

“Look I am not here to kill anyone or something. I just couldn't reach Jiwon and I have something important to tell him regarding work. “

Jiwon was just a bartender. What could be so important that his “friend” would come and visit him? Hanbin doesn't voice out his thoughts. Instead he replies a simple “okay. I´ll tell him to call you.”

Jinwoo thanks him and leaves.

He has a bad feeling about the boy. But he cant pinpoint why. Maybe, he thinks, he is just overreacting again.

So he goes to Jiwon´s room again and starts to make the older boy´s bed. He opens Jiwon´s closet. He is uneasy but tries to suppress it the best he can. He had promised himself that he wont be a burden to Jiwon and yes Jiwon could have other friends. Hanbin had other friends too. Its just that Jiwon knows every friend Hanbin ever had. It never occurred to the younger boy that Jiwon had other people in his life that hanbin never knew about.

—

Its 4 in the morning when Jiwon enters the home, screaming “ I am home”. Hanbin flinches awake and rubs his eyes. He is relieved that his friend arrived home safe but at the same time he is angry to be woken up in 4 in the morning. He should have known. “Hanbinnnieee” Jiwon slurs  and plumbs on the couch on hanbins legs.

Hanbin groans and he sits up sighing. “ How was your night out ?” He asks.

Jiwon shrugs “Borring “ Jiwon suddenly looks sad.

“Why ?” Hanbin is suddenly wide awake. Sleep leaving his body. “ Did you not get laid ?”

“Well “ Jiwon pauses and looks and the younger boy. “I was about to.”

“What happened ?” Hanbin puts a hand on Jiwon´s shoulder.

“ I broke up with her.” Jiwon´s voice is quiet and Hanbin almost doesn't understand, almost misses the words and it hits him like a truck. He is not relieved. Instead his heart clenches and hurts, because he knows, understands that the stars and the moon inside of Jiwon´s eyes are dying out.

“Why?” Hanbins voice is equally quiet.

Jiwon just shrugs “ I don't know”

Its a lie. Hanbin knows because Jiwon cant look him in the eyes.

Hanbin realises that he didn't just kill his scumbag of a father, he also was slowly drowning Jiwons soul.

“I think we should run away Hanbin” Jiwon says but Hanbin shakes his Head and he doesn't cry like in the morning. He wont allow himself to drag his friend more down.

“I dont want to” he crosses his arms.

Jiwon is drunk and desperate so he clutches hanbins arm “Please. Lets just move somewhere and have a new beginning.Only us.”

“Jiwon you are obviously drunk and cant think straight.” the younger boy scoffs and he sees one more star inside of Jiwon´s eyes die. His face is becoming more and more cold and Hanbin doesn't know how to get the stars to live again, to shine brightly.

His face softens“Lets just talk about it tomorrow, alright ? Then we can decide. But its too late for this shit.”  

Jiwon just nods , mumbling a small okay.

“Lets get you to bed” Hanbin stretches his hands and Jiwon takes them. The younger boy pulls him off the couch  and leads him to the small bedroom, helping him to change.

“Hands up” Hanbin demands while he pulls his shirt up and Jiwon just follows his orders. “Good boy” Hanbin teases and Jiwon laughs. “Only for you binnie” he answers smiling. For a moment they forget why they are here in this room. But its true. The only person Jiwon is ready to follow to the depths of hell his the boy with sleepy but beautiful eyes and a awkward but genuine smile. Hanbin brings him his newly washed and dried pjs and helps jiwon to dress. They both laugh when Jiwon stumbles and falls onto the bed.

And this situation is sad really. Because the reason Hanbin is miserable, is Hanbin and the reason Jiwon is miserable is Hanbin too. Hanbin knows although Jiwon will deny it with all his might, jiwon knows too. Hanbin tucks the older boy to bed and wishes him a good night. Hanbin turns off the lights but he doesn't move until he hears Jiwons peaceful light snoring. He looks much younger in his sleep and Hanbin hopes that his sins will not steal Jiwon´s peaceful sleep with nightmares.

Hanbin hopes that Jiwon will at least not have to deal with the boy in his dreams.

And exactly when hanbin leaves the bedroom quietly to go to sleep on the couch again, he sees how Jiwons smartphone vibrates on the couch. The older must have forgotten the device when hanbin pulled him up.

And hanbin isn't curious really, but he thinks that maybe its an emergency considering the time.So he takes a look at the Id.

Mino- huge boy is written on it and hanbin cant decide if he should take the Call or just ignore it and give it to Jiwon in the morning. But before he can decide, the caller ends the call. Seconds later whatsapp messages are sent and hanbin doesn't hesitate to read them.

Mino-huge boy We took care of everything. 
You don't need to worry anymore.
 Both of you wont be caught.

Hanbin´s heart beat picks up and he really just wants to throw jiwons phone out the fucking window.

Mino-huge boy TeaTea told me you have that new stuff delivered next week. By the way boss wanted to talk to you about everything but you weren't home ?

Hanbin throws the phone on the ground like its a hot fucking potato.

What the fuck was going on?