#now I can barely get out of bed or do smth creative.

[finex09]

feeling lots of feelings 2nite and man is it not good !! don’t know why I get stuck in my own head like this. I hate it

[pfreadsandwrites]

I would love to request smth for your 100 follower celebration 🥰 It’s so hard to decide which prompt to choose but since I’m a sucker for some good ol‘ fluff: 77: “ Are you jealous? ” and 54: “ I can’t stand the thought of loosing you. ”. I don’t know if two prompts make it easier or harder to write smth, I hope this is ok 😅

100 follower celebration

Yet again, I am super sorry for the delay in this. Just, the weird cold i’ve had the past few days, the last one I did hardly being read, creativity, writer’s block, etc but I really hope you enjoy this @praisingkuroosbedhead !! Thank you so much for the support you’ve shown me up until now and i just realised your icon is Bisuke... I love... Also yeah i struggled a little a lot, just because I don’t think Kakashi would show his jealousy in a very obvious way, the second prompt would usually come after something kinda serious like an argument, so Kakashi having a moment of actually showing anger in his jealousy (which is what would realistically lead into the second prompt)... So i had like 3 or 4 different outlines that were way too complicated so i found this very difficult. It was nothing to do with your request though, my brain is just... empty... . I still don’t know if this one’s any good though, think i thought about it too much which made for worse writing but i still hope you enjoy! 

warnings: jealousy (duh), slight arguments, and resolution, fluff, reader being a dumbdumb, Kakashi being a dumbdumb too i guess but he’s mostly just grumpy this time, not proofread cuz my brain has gone on strike, 2.5k

taglist: @madaras-housewife @datblobbyfish @praisingkuroosbedhead @allthingskakashi @enchantedpendant @ibukiirisha @cinam00n @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @tachibrii @drunkenfists

sidenote: if anyone on my taglist could confirm they got the notification for this that would be interesting to know, but then it’s not like i can do anything about it lol.it would be cool if this showed in tumblr’s tags but i’m not holding out much hope. 

77. “Are you jealous?” / 54. “I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

It’d only lasted a second, but you could have sworn you’d seen it.

No. Though you had no proof before you, you knew you’d seen it. You saw his fist clench - just for a moment - then his strong fingers uncurled, as if regaining composure. His eyebrows knitted to a point, furrowing nicely in that way you always found so attractive, but even that was quickly replaced with that familiar, relaxed gaze you were also charmed by. Even if you were a little disappointed to see it so soon.

But when you looked again, Kakashi had disappeared from the spot he’d occupied most of the night - leaning back with one foot against the wall, arms crossed as he pretended to read that stupid book of his.

Could he have straight up teleported out of there, sick of this party, your shenanigans or both? You had to admit, you didn’t put it past him. But before you had the opportunity to explore your suspicions, a louder, less familiar voice reclaimed your thoughts.

So, reluctantly, you shifted your attention back to the drink you’d been working on and the man in front of you. You hadn’t led him on - unless repeatedly mentioning your complete lack of availability fell under that category - but Kakashi didn’t know that. And though his apparent inability to take a hint was beginning to grate on you, you had to admit that it served nicely for something else. Nothing noble - namely, eliciting a damn reaction out of your frustratingly stoic boyfriend - but it seemed effective nonetheless.

Not that it had stopped the pang of guilt creeping up from the pit of your stomach to your pounding chest. Though you were willing to deny your principles, even if only slightly, you really hadn’t meant to upset him.

But you were no fool, either.

You knew exactly what you were doing tonight.

You knew why you had come out, why you had chosen this dress, and why you had asked that Kakashi come along tonight.

At first, he had refused dismissively. Like he tended to do these days. But when he saw that you were set on going, with or without him, dressed like that - he suddenly decided that he ‘would tag along for a bit if you absolutely insisted’. You had smirked, amused at how he feigned like you were forcing him, but didn’t challenge him. 

You knew just how immature you were being. You were sure Kakashi did too, but it was very nice of him to let himself be swayed despite that, just this once.

But it was the best you could do, considering the circumstances. Every date he had to cancel, every night he came back after you went to bed and every morning he was gone before you woke up - you were at your limit.

You were willing to get his attention in any way you could.

The fact that he was currently out of sight was a mild dampener on your plan, but no matter - surely it was a sign that you’d succeeded, albeit a small one.

It was big enough for you to decide to find him, anyway. Maybe, if you were lucky, you’d even manage to actually talk to him about everything bothering you. Imagine that, an honest-to-God conversation! You didn’t think you were being too optimistic.

You made to slip away from the stranger attempting to retain monopoly on your attention as politely as possible. Unfortunately, his alcohol-fuelled indignation appeared to have got the best of him, and he grabbed your wrist, holding you firmly in place. You tensed, but your pleasant smile barely had the chance to transform before you felt another hand on you. On your shoulder, this time, but it was familiar.

“Hey Y/N.”

Kakashi’s nonchalant voice alone quelled that surge of anger and fear that had been bubbling beneath you. When you looked up at him, your shoulders relaxed involuntarily. Not that you had needed him exactly. You could handle an overzealous drunk at the very least, but he had that knack for allowing you to just breathe. “Hi.”

Your nuisance’s confidence dissipated just as quickly as it gathered. Evidently, he hadn’t expected to encounter the Kakashi Hatake tonight, especially not alongside you of all people. Kakashi hadn’t sounded threatening, not obviously anyway, but he didn’t need to. His reputation preceded him, and he counted on that fact - and sure enough, the other man let go of you immediately.

“Is there a problem here?” Kakashi wondered. Only the gruff tone at the end of his question belied his (potentially) aggressive implications, but it was all he needed.

“No! No problem at all!,” the other man assured, and moved back, suddenly very careful to observe his distance.

It was amusing to see the change yourself, the intimidating effect Kakashi had on others without even trying. If you didn’t know him better, you’d have felt too scared to try and mess with him in the first place.

“Glad to hear it! Now, if you’ll excuse us…,” his voice trailed off. He didn’t bother explaining himself further, or giving you time to argue, before pulling you away and through the crowd of people.

You almost stumbled, struggling to keep up with him in your heels. As much as you were happy to get the alone time you wanted, his hasty actions unnerved you a little. You noticed that his eyes were narrowed, the furrowed brow from before back with a vengeance. Was he actually angry? “Kakashi, wait! where are we -”

“Let’s just get some air.”

You couldn’t deny that sounded nice, and the peace and quiet on the rooftop was a welcome change from the raucous energy of the party beneath it. But Kakashi didn’t say anything else. He only adopted a similar position to the one he’d had inside, leaning against the roof door with his arms folded and eyes closed.

The air was suddenly… dense. This was uncomfortable. You sighed, and he peered an eye open to look at you. Still saying nothing, but at least it was acknowledgement. Taking your cue to approach him, you attempted to make sense of your current situation.

“Are you jealous?”

You asked it before you knew what you were saying. In hindsight, it was a stupid question. You knew that. Even if there were any inkling of truth behind it (and you suspected there was), Kakashi would vehemently deny it. No. He was above that - obviously. He wouldn’t allow himself to be manipulated by your obvious behaviour, by an an emotion as petty and irrational as mere jealousy.

Even as his actions belied his words, as they so typically did, as he had placed that large hand on your shoulder and led you away from your latest admirer, in that powerful but completely lackadaisical way that only he was capable of. Never realising how imposing he could be until you were up close, but never betraying that control either. God forbid he ever show that you were capable of bothering him.

When you glanced back at him, though, Kakashi was frowning again. His mask wasn’t the amazing obstacle he thought it was; you’d become quite adept at reading his expression through his eyes alone where others couldn’t.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said flatly. The subtle growl that accompanied his final syllable contrasted with the joviality your question, and it caught you off-guard. You had been cheerful enough, even teasing, but his stern glare and suddenly intimidating stature (he was so good at hiding it) cut through the levity you’d tried to bring to the situation. Suddenly, you were confronted with every implication of your actions tonight.

But you could only think of one acceptable way to shroud your nascent insecurity. Indignation and   feigned confidence. “Why is it ridiculous?! Why did you pull me away like that if you weren’t?”

“Well, it seemed like he wasn’t getting it,” Kakashi shrugged. “Did I interrupt something?”

“No! But I could have handled it,” you sighed, but you didn’t have much faith in your words. You were sure you could have, probably, but you both knew you didn’t exactly hate the idea of him - specifically him - helping you like that. Even if you didn’t always like to admit it.

He hummed, amused, and you felt like he might have been smirking under his stupid mask. “Well, that’s probably true. But you were too busy playing games to notice what was going on.”

“I wasn’t playing games,” you hissed. Yet again, your words felt empty. But you hated being so transparent.

“If you say so. Care to enlighten me on what you were doing then?”

That scar that cut through his left eye, that was so engraved into his skin did an excellent job at cutting through your defences too. He was so good at seeing through you, you were surprised at the prospect of having to explain yourself. You had the inkling he just wanted you to admit it, the asshole, regardless of what it would do to your dignity. “Well, I-I don’t know.”

Kakashi folded his arms, as unimpressed by your response as you were taken aback.  “Well, by all means, go back to him and figure it out.”

That was it. How willing he was to dismiss you, again. His tone sparked your own anger, and you were suddenly hit with the frustration of not just tonight, but of everything up until now.

“Why are you being such a jerk about it? Don’t you understand that tonight is the most emotion I’ve had out of you in weeks? I’ve tried so hard to be patient, and now I’m trying to be more obvious, and maybe this wasn’t the best way of handling it, but you don’t make it easy! You barely pay attention, then you act as if another man paying attention is meaningless, and then - Don’t you understand that I just miss you, but you don’t…,” your voice trailed off, and that dumbfounded wide-eyed stare Kakashi was giving you was the final straw. You were overwhelmed. You were exhausted. You were annoyed. How could he have the gall to look shocked while you bore your (admittedly, slightly nonsensical) soul to him? Your breath eventually caught up with your words, and the embarrassment at your rare tears and even rarer outburst lagged behind. You turned away.  

“Y/N, I didn’t mean to - I just. Hey. Don’t cry.” It was Kakashi’s turn to stumble over his words. His breath hitched. “I miss you too. I’m sorry.”

You didn’t say anything, though you couldn’t exactly grant his request. How were you supposed to stop crying, when this was the first time he’d shown any regret, any realisation, over your feelings tonight? Had he honestly no idea? On second thought, you didn’t doubt that after all. The concern in his voice was genuine, and you knew he was even worse at working through his feelings than you were.

“I can’t stand the thought of losing you,” Kakashi whispered, just loud enough for you to hear. You turned back, something in that gravelly timbre of his voice pulling at your heartstrings. When you met his sincere gaze, he quickly closed the gap between you. When his thumbs moved to still your tears, your hands travelled to meet his. This was the closest you’d been in weeks. 

“You have a funny way of showing that,” you admitted with a sniff. 

He hesitated. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t figure out how to fix it. So with work, I let myself get distracted. I didn’t know what to do about… any of it”

His words and intent eyes render you touched, but ultimately, confused. You struggled to assuage both you and himself. “You’re the one that pulled away. Don’t you get that I don’t like the thought of losing you either? But at least I was doing something about it.”

“You think that was doing something about it?” His tone was a little too accusatory, and he knew it, relenting with a sigh before you had a chance to argue your case again. “Right. You were. It wasn’t very effective, or sensible - I know, I know - but it was more than what I was doing.”

You remained silent, ruminating on his words. It was nice to hear, affirming to have some admission that you weren’t the only one, that you were justified in your feelings. But you knew you weren’t guiltless either.  “But I’m sorry. It was stupid to make you jealous. I should have just talked to you.”

“Yes, it was, and yes, you should have,” he agreed, a little too readily. You rolled your eyes, but he leant in close, as if in response, completely aware of the fact that he made your cheeks flare up. He leant down, lips dangerously close to your ear now, and went on in that huskier whisper that sent a shiver up your spine. “But it did work. It drove me crazy.  Seeing them all look at you like that. Seeing him look at you like that. Watching him trying to get close to you. When he tried to touch you. ”

Wait? Did Kakashi just say it worked? Did you finally get him to admit that he was jealous? You allowed yourself an internal cheer of triumph. “I knew it!”  An external one, too.

Never one to let you revel in your victories, least of all the petty ones, Kakashi stood up straight and went on. “Anyway. I’m sorry for being as distant as I was. I’m the one who put you in that position. I suppose I should have just talked to you too.”

“You suppose?”

Kakashi chuckled, tugging his mask down. You saw a glimpse of that genuine, handsome, smile - and you realised how long it’s been since you’ve really seen it. You were still pondering it when he kissed you. It was soft, sweet, apologetic - but much too short, and he was pulling his mask up before you could protest. “It’s nice to be gracious, Y/N. You were right. For the most part. Can’t we leave it at that?”

You gave an obnoxious sigh before grinning at him. “I suppose.”

“Thank you. Now, can we please go home already?”

You giggled, forgetting your self-consciousness for the moment, and placed a kiss on the masked part of his cheek. “Sure. Hey, make me a promise, though?”

He looked at you expectantly, even a bit apprehensive.

You reached up, your lips just as dangerously close to the shell of his ear as his had been to yours, and whispered. “Do you promise to make up for the distance, if I promise to make up for driving you crazy?”

Kakashi didn’t say anything, but you got the feeling that he didn’t have a problem with your terms. Something in the way he led you out, just as he had led you away from that nuisance. Something in the way he’d picked you up and carried you to bed that night, and in the way he held you close afterwards, his grip unrelenting. Something in that smile that you had missed so much, that was only for you.

It only lasted for a second, but you could have sworn you’d seen it.

[alchemist-shizun]

About that Carry On Prinxiety AU

For now I laid out a bit of the plot, if you want to share some ideas just hit me up~

This is going to be a LOT to take on my shoulders but I will try and probably fail BUT TRYING IS KEYWORD (i really do believe in myself don't I? Everything under the cut!)

Since they all have their peculiarities, I'm gonna say that yes Virgil might be the Baz and Roman could be the Simon of this story, but I think either would fit for different reasons so they just have the same energy and will keep their own characterization. (If I'm able to not go ooc on this one wish me luck)

If I'm creative enough I'll try making an American school that is located in Florida, so that the characters know nothing much about what's happening in Watford and I can still make references without chronological contradictions.

Thomas could probably be the head mage too. I'm imagining him being very interested in the Normal culture and dressing like a Normal adult instead of the head of a great magical school, his "obsession" (kind of like Arthur Weasley's, if you will) is not really well-liked by most of the mages (especially the Old Fams), some believe that the students should have a better example instead of a man that always seems on the verge of leaving the magic world behind. The students, on the other hand, love him very much thank you. (yes even the ones whose parents insult him)

Oh my god I just had an epiphany: imagine Thomas obviously being in love with Disney and maybe Roman is very close to him so like he's talking about Virgil and Thomas just STRAIGHT UP STARTS SINGING SMTH LIKE THE MUSES' PARTS IN WON'T SAY IM IN LOVE OR LIKE THAT LION KING ONE AAAAAAAA and Roman is like ssss t o p but in the end joins in because he's w e a k (same)

Anyway for the main bois what I was thinking was that, with the prophecies about the Chosen One being there for a long time and them not knowing about Simon or anything, (this is becoming like Skam, there are many Snowbaz in the world) they just so happen to find in Roman an extraordinary amount of magic

Everybody is convinced Roman might be the Greatest Mage, the info flies out into the magical world of America but they decide to not share the info with other states. Roman gets very excited about this and works hard and trains himself in preparation for the big moment where he was going to have his big fight.

Virgil is his roommate (oh my god they were roommates), and of course, they can't stand each other at all. Virgil is definitely fed up with this story about the Chosen One, which Roman brings out in any possible conversation, so he uses it against him to tease him. Just imagine Roman bragging about something and Virgil being like "yeah but for a Greatest Mage you still haven't done anything so Great", or like Roman is having trouble with a spell or a subject? "Aren't you the chosen one?", Virgil only brings it up to make him mad and loves his flustered face. (keyword "loves" *wink*)

As much as I'm hopelessly in love with the idea of Vamp!Virgil (which would fit if he had Baz's role), I just had an angsty idea so I'm saving it for later c:

Hey how about a half-elf Virgil??? Anyone? Sorry I love elves

As for the time they spend together, they do the same thing as Simon and Baz, they avoid each other, spend time out of their room if the other's in there, make up different routines so they don't have to share anything and only really stay in the same room if they have to sleep. (idk why i said "if" like they don't need sleep)

Let me remind you that the beds are very close.

One time Roman woke up in the middle of the night and screamed in fear upon seeing a figure on the window.

It was just Virgil and he almost fell out, he would have probably smacked his head if it wasn't for the roommates' anathema or whatever it is called in english.

Virgil said he just couldn't sleep but he will never admit it was because of a pretty violent nightmare.

Roman does really think that he doesn't sleep at all and just uses his magic to stay awake judging by the dark circles under his eyes.

idk about you but I like the idea of Logan being something similar to Penelope, so Logan is Roman's best friend, they had met in the first year and Logan seemed one of the only ones who didn't approach Roman only because of his fame about being the Chosen One. Logan is simply amazing and brilliant at all subjects and surprises everyone since he's said to come from a family with weak powers.

Roman finds in him a very valid studying companion and he has to admit a lot of his best spells come from practicing/learning them from Logan. Also Logan loves explaining the stuff he's learnt, while Roman has this insatiable will to know everything to be able to defeat whatever bad guy will present in front of him. They basically become inseparable, despite having some friendly fights that are always solved with a snack break.

They !! deeply !! care !! for !! each other !!

Out of the other characters idk if Patton would fit anybody entirely, but I'm going to keep the 3v3 groups, so Pat will most likely be hanging out with Roman and Logan, he's actually very good friends with Virgil (none can escape Patton's friendliness) and tries to reason with Roman when he's mad about something Virge might have said. He's probably the reason why he hasn't killed Virgil yet. Patton doesn't come from a big family and lives with his grandmother when he's out of school. (I still have to develop this)

Forget about Dev and Niall and get ready for Deceit and Remus. I don't wanna give a headcanon name to Deceit bc I don't have one so he's gonna be a mysterious boy and everyone will call him Dee since it's the nickname I use for him. Both of them are two chaotic messes in their own ways. Dee, despite still being composed most of the times, is VERY fixated on his society discourses and arguments, he could come up to you one day out of the blue being like "so about the plan to overthrow the government" and you probably never even heard of it in the first place

JUST GIVE ME PASSIONATE DECEIT

Remus, on the other hand, messes a LOT with spells and you can see him traveling to the weirdest places. One day he was found trying to make the water creatures do a circus bit for him. People don't know how he's able to make his way through tests, but it's actually because he loves bugging Dee since he doesn't give the slightest shit about the weird things he suggests and they often end up studying together.

(I had the wildest thought thinking about Remus as Trixie)

Virgil, Deceit and Remus are what people call the "Untouchable trio", only because they come from the highest and oldest of the Old Families. They had been friends ever since kids since their Families met quite often, they never really fell apart despite being very different from one another. They're actually pretty chill people, it is only their surnames that make some people wary of them. They're not generally approached by anyone.

Idk if I wanna bring Emile and Remy in this, but I am tempted™, I'll think about it

So, Roman, am I right? Forgot to say he comes from a pretty big fam of hunters, they're the types of people that are lovable but won't hesitate to kill a bitch if needed.

But Purp, where's our creativitwins content? Thing is, yes they're actually brothers, but they were separated ever since kids for reasons none really knows? They never talk about it, even if asked to. They were given to two different families. They're aware of each other, but none has ever seen them interact. (I might find some angsty backstory on this just you wait)

Up until here Roman has always believed himself to be destined to the greater good, he's the chosen one, his destiny is the one to be the protagonist of the magic world and its hero.

At least that's what he thought until the fifth year.

One day during the fifth year, Virgil was doing homework on his room's table when Roman bursts in, louder than usual, and throws himself face-first on the bed, uncaring about ruining his hair or his clothes. That was an unusual sight since he never came into the room before evening or even before dinner. Virgil immediately knew something was wrong, but he didn't realize how serious the thing was.

So of course, he teases him a bit trying to get some info from him but only makes the situation worse. When Virgil calls him Greatest Mage as a joke, that's when Roman finally snaps at him in a way that Virge would have never expected. Roman really is enraged, yells at him and throws his pillow across the room since he can't hit him. He storms out of the room when he feels tears forming in his eyes, but can't really hide his sobbing as he goes away.

Virgil is just standing there, aware that he had just made Roman cry for the first time in his life and hated the sight with his whole being.

Roman had just learnt that he wasn't, in fact, the Chosen One, nor the Greatest Mage. Just an ordinary mage, like anybody else, who, in his opinion, had no other destiny than to finish school, find a job and just ... live?

So he's destroyed, all those dreams revealed themselves to be castles built in the air.

School is ending and Roman is just a bit numb, he's not really failing his classes but he's not as bright as ever. He barely leaves his room and doesn't talk to his friends as often, who are very concerned. Even Virgil tries to talk to him at some point. Thomas visits him when he has time and tries to work through the issue with him, but for the rest of the fifth year, there's nothing much to do to cheer him up.

Things seem to go back to normal as years pass and he's not in the spotlight anymore, none really talks about the Greatest Mage anymore and mages just carry on with their studies as they've always done. Everything's fine and normal.

And Roman hates it. But he's working in the shadow, so none notices his discomfort.

It only happens when he reaches the eighth year. It's impossible for Virgil to not recognize that Roman is slipping away at night and only comes back after some hours, either with dirty clothes or things tangled in his hair, he always came back different from when he left, meaning he definitely was wandering off outside.

One night he really can't stop thinking about how worried he is that Roman might get in trouble by himself, while he could probably prevent that, so he decides to follow him. Apparently, Roman is trying to find some kind of important and scary adventure to prove to himself that he's not as useless as he thinks himself to be, but Virgil still doesn't know this.

Virgil doesn't know what to do about the situation and decides to talk to Patton about it, in the end, the two of them decide to make a plan to talk to Roman with Logan, too.

On the other hand, Roman had been seen hanging out with Deceit or Remus, or both at the same time, trying to pry out information from them about how to get to certain forbidden spots of the school if he ever needed to. Surprisingly they don't ask many questions.

Chaos ensues when one night everything goes horribly wrong.

SO YEAH these are a bunch of things that I got right off the bat, I still have to think about the entire plot but don't want to spoil anything, basically the story would begin on the eighth year, just like Carry On, when Roman starts sneaking out. There might be things I need to fix but still I repeat that this is just a draft or a bunch of ideas that I got together somehow.

Tags: @soul-of-a-vixen & @flowersheep who wanted to know more about it~ (I'll write it as soon as I can!!)

[blustersquall]

here’s a thing I started writing to force myself to write and I lost steam half way through.

Uploading for posterity. Maybe I’ll come back to it. I want to. No idea what the hell i’m doing with tenses. Someone please come and give me my creativity back, plsthx.

Feedback welcome.

Thancred x WoL (female, raen Au Ra) sorta smutty but like, not graphically. Set just after the reunion of Thancred with the group in Heavensward (So, like... 3.2 ish?)

======

Its late when they arrive in Ishgard and make their way to the Fortemps manor house. Later still when Phaedra is sure everyone else has retired for the night after an evening of drinking and catching up with their recently returned rogue. She disappeared from the revelries earlier than everyone else. The run in with the Warriors of Darkness weighed on her mind, but more than that, being near Thancred again has put her mind in a whirl.

He’s different to the man he was; not just in appearance but in temperament as well. He’s broader across the shoulders and his hair is longer, and the bandanna that covers one eye is hard to miss. The muscles in his arms seem more defined and he even appears a bit… taller. He laughs less heartily but does manage to laugh. He speaks less, letting others monopolize the conversation while he listens. He drinks very little, and in the moments he lets his guard down there’s a severity to his expression. There are matters weighing him down.

But he smiles. Oh yes, he still smiles. And it’s the smile he gave her when he appeared as if sent by the Gods themselves that lingers in Phaedra’s mind. That smile… So soft. So affectionate. So… different. It set her whole body tingling to see it, and more so to recall it. He’s smiled at her before. Many times. A sarcastic grin here, a cheeky, flirtatious smirk there, all expressions he used on many to win their hearts and get his way. Never has he looked at her with such open warmth and sincerity. Never, in her wildest dreams, did she ever expect to see a gaze like that from him focus on her…

That, among other things, is what keeps her awake. Its what causes her to stir from her soft bed and rise, determined to find a way to distract her mind. She waits by her door listening for sound. It is dark outside the windows and she strains to hear.

Nothing.

Stepping out into the hall she is surprised to see him – Thancred -  down the hall. He’s still in the same clothes he arrived in. He doesn’t look like he has slept yet, either. He looks as surprised to she her as she feels, yet neither of them make to move or speak. They are each caught in something invisible, yet tangible. Something so primal and instinctual it doesn’t have a name to call its own. Her gaze is locked with his, unable to look away or unwilling; she’s not sure. Her breath grows shorter and she can feel the constriction around her rib cage.

Phaedra parts her lips as if about to speak but her voice fades on her tongue. Thancred’s visible eye instantly went to the subtle movement of her mouth and she is sure he gulped on something. Without a word, she retreats back behind her bedroom door and to the sanctuary of her room. She leans on the door, body quivering inside and out while she chases shaky breath after shaky breath. Thancred has always been able to make her blush with a word but this is… different. This is… something entirely new.

She would be lying if she said she never thought about him in a more intimate sense. Lying to herself and to whatever Gods might have been looking in to say she never thought about him romantically. She would be lying to say his words never hit a mark, or that she never experienced a sense of longing. She would be lying if she didn’t admit that losing him after the banquet didn’t hurt the most. That after finding safety she spent the first few nights mourning his loss more than any other’s. Mourning him, and the thought of what might have been. What could have been. Mourning the loss of a love she wanted and yet was denied. First by duty as a Scion, then by Lahabrea, and then again by the machinations of the Syndicate.

There’s a knock that surprises her, and she turns to open the door on instinct. Thancred is on the other side, and he requests entry without uttering a single word. Phaedra steps back a little and he closes the door behind him. For what feels like an eternity they’re just staring at each other in silence. The intensity of… whatever is between them is more palpable now there is less space between them. Its like a string or cord has wrapped around them both and is urging them together. Phaedra breathes, her chest rising and falling on each measured inhale and exhale. She’s trying to give the air of calm. Of someone collected. She doesn’t want him to see the thud of her heart or – Gods – how much she wants him and has missed him. Missed his stupid face, and his stupid voice, and his stupid laugh.

And his smile. His stupid, foolish, wonderful smile.

Before she can register what is happening, he has crossed towards her in a few short strides and his mouth is on hers. She melts into him without hesitation and lifts her arms to burying her hands in his unkempt hair. She sweeps it away from his face, deepening the kiss and standing on her toes so he doesn’t have to strain so much. Thancred cradles her face just beneath her horns, stroking her skin and scales with a touch that is practiced but also hesitant. His breath shakes when he breaks away for a moment, adjusts the angle of his mouth and kisses her again.

They both know their friendship will never be the same after this.

Neither of them care.

Her fingers search for buckles and buttons and he slowly loses each item of clothing covering his top half. She relishes his skin beneath her hands. Hard muscle, soft, warm flesh, a few scars from altercations. He is marble and clay, hard but maliable. He is proud, strong, and for the moment, he is hers in a way she never dared to hope he would be.

Thancred’s kisses are practiced and sure. He leaves her mouth to kiss down her neck, burying his face into her skin and pausing to bite at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Phaedra barely conceals a gasp and digs her fingers into his bare shoulders for good measure; that earns a chuckle from low in his chest that vibrates all the way through her down to the tip of her tail. His fingers, certain of their task, make quick work of her clothing helping her shed each garment and leaving them to decorate the floor. He lifts her with ease, carries her across to the large bed and places her down upon the sheets his gaze locked on hers the entire time. She can see him well enough in the candlelight, the expression of certainty and determination on his face is uncharacteristic, but it fills her with a sense of anticipation she’s never experienced.

Phaedra shifts on the covers a little, leaning back on one hand while Thancred removes his boots, trousers and his small clothes with them. His cock is already hard, though he gives Phaedra little time to look before he climbs onto the bed with her, one knee positioned between her legs and claims her mouth again. She strokes her hands down his back mapping his shoulder blades and his spine, opening herself up to the larger size of him and the weight of him as he guides her to lie back.

He keeps most of his weight on his knees, careful not to crush her or crowd her and his hair tickles her nose and neck when he trails more white-hot kisses across her skin. It feels like his hands are everywhere at once, caressing her breasts, her back, her ass, her thighs and then between her legs. She lifts her hips when his fingers slide along her lower lips, probing and stroking while he tends to a nipple between his lips. She swallows loud enough that its audible. When Thancred chuckles, she knows he heard it, too. Weaving her fingers through his white hair she rolls her hips into the gentle wandering of his hand and fingers. He eases them inside her gently, exploring and learning and memorizing with every touch.

The rhythm his sets is slow to begin with as he lets her grow accustomed to the intrusion of his fingers. Slowly, he begins to spread her, slipping a third finger inside. Phaedra is sure she is soaking the sheets beneath them and attempts to close her legs to prevent leakage. Thancred stops and withdraws from her a little.

“Do you want to stop?”

She blinks rapidly up at him, eyes focusing in on the concern evident on his face and in his uncovered eye. Her breathing is harder and faster; she can’t remember when or why she closed her eyes in the first place.

Phaedra shakes her head several times. “I just don’t want to dirty the sheets…” Her cheeks, already hot, grow hotter when she realizes what a foolish thing to say that is. Thancred gives a breathless chuckle before he cradles her face again in one hand and brings himself in to kiss her. He kisses her deep and searing with heat, his damp fingers moving to card through the hair that has come loose from her ponytail.

“That’s just like you…” he sighs against her lips. “Worrying about the workload of others… Even something as mundane as washing dirty sheets.” He brushes his nose against hers and kisses the curve of her jaw. “I missed you… In the expanse of the life stream, I missed you… more than I can say.”

The weight of his words, the heaviness of them and the roughness of his tone – thick with emotion he doesn’t yet know how to say – is enough for Phaedra to know he isn’t joking or playing with her. He is serious. As serious as she has ever heard him, and her heart aches behind her rib cage.

“I missed you, too.” Pain prickles behind her nose and she forces it back with a smile.

Tbc or smth

[tesspng]

late night self reflective asks 🌙

(this is actually an ask meme but I barely get those so i just took it and did it for myself. Seemed like a good time & I’m always a slut for self reflection)

cosmos: what's one thing you wish you could say to someone you are no longer friends with?

I understand why you feel this way about me, and I’m sorry you suffered because of me. I see a lot of things clearer now. It’s probably best that we parted ways, since I weren’t good for me either. But I still can’t but wonder how you’re doing sometimes.

galaxies: what are three things you want to do before you die?

- Get a (big) Tattoo from my favorite tattoo artist - learn to love myself - create something that inspires others

waxing: what is your proudest accomplishment?

I’m pretty proud of my art and that I still keep doing it. Like, I’m not the best at it, but it’s still something I can proudly show and each day I learn more, too!

waning: what is your biggest regret?

Nothing pops into my mind right now, which is probably a good sign. Let’s hope it’ll stay that way.

full moon: what type of person do you hope to be?

I don’t know the right word, but mostly I hope I won’t be a ghost to others anymore. I wanna be better in talking to others, feeling them, helping them expressing themselves, but also be better at communicating my own problems.

Basically I wanna be someone you can talk to, you can care about, that shows interest in others and also IS interesting to others, that others can trust or feel save around, and all in a honest way, too. .. y’know. That kinda thing. Not quite there yet.

contemplation: if you could wake up one morning and everything in your life was perfect, what would that look like?

Well... I wouldn’t wake up alone for sure, in a place I’d feel home and safe. In a loving environment with my friends close by too, and a lot of plants. The place doesn’t have to be big, but big enough to have everyone fit in there. I’d be passionate about my work, and I wouldn’t be scared of small things that usually give me anxiety. I wouldn’t have to worry about money, maybe I could even pay for my friends medicals and therapists. And my own. I’d have my cats here, too. My family close by. I draw for a living, but have other jobs, too, so it doesn’t get too monotone. I’m successful with what I create. After work we’d spent the evening together. Not all the time, but sometimes. My nights are intimate with others, both physically and mentally. Not always, but every now and then.

Some parts of this I already have though, I just wanted to add them because it felt nice writing it down knowing it’s real. <3 For the rest, I have to work a lot  harder on myself still to reach it!

night light: who/what makes you feel safe?

My cats used to make me feel safe, but any animal or person I have a connection to will do, haha. Especially at night when my nightmares or panic attacks hit.

ponder: what do you want to do with your life?

Man I really just wanna create, be creative and productive really and stop being such a slacker.

sunset: who is someone you thought would be in your life forever, but you no longer talk to?

There’s been too many.

midnight: are you a different person late at night than in the early morning?

I can be super grumpy in the morning, either that or super dumb? Please wait until I’ve had my 2nd cup of coffee. Otherwise I also get super tired super fast so. That also sucks. I guess I’m more open at night though? like, when I’m not tired. You probably get more out of me and I’m more keen on asking questions, too.

candle light: are you an indecisive person?

This question is so vague, but I probably am. I struggle a lot finding out what I really need or want in certain situations.

reflection: have you ever changed something you liked about yourself to satisfy someone else?

I used to be such a gullible person, so yeah I probably did that.

sweet dreams: are you happy?

Not quite there yet. It’s a roller coaster of emotions still.

nightmare: what are you most afraid of?

I’m... so scared of ending up lonely with no one to turn to. I need connections, contacts, being a part of something. If that crumbles, I do too. Which is odd, because I’m so introverted. But I guess at least KNOWING I have people I can go to when I need to s just very calming to me.

constellations: who is someone you could talk to for hours and never stop?

Dunno, I’m usually the not-so-talk active one in a pair. I can say for sure though that I’m very comfortable with @bleed-in-black-and-white when it comes to not talking to each other while in the same room for hours.

reminder: who is someone you will never forget?

The first person that pops into my mind brings bad memories so I’m not gonna name them. In the end I think every person or animal I had a connection with at one point in my life will be remembered by me. After all they shaped me and helped in who I am now.

11-11: what's something you want, but feel like you will never have?

I think that’s too early for me to decide on, unless you want me to get dirty.

shooting star: who is someone you trust to help you make the right decisions?

I think my friends I live with will make sure I’ll be going the right direction <3

earth: where do you feel most at home?

In my bed.

soothe: what's one thing that always makes you feel better when you're upset?

Good food (like spaghetti) & the feeling of accomplishment. Probably sex, too.

slumber: what's one thing that helps you fall asleep when it feels impossible?

thinking of a nice plot for my OTP where they do smth cute and sexy and ... masturbating.

[misfit-among-the-angels]

Do ALL the questions!!!! 😇

1. describe yourself.I hate to doing this because every time I have job interview they ask me pretty much the same :/ So yea, I’m not gonna do that sorry :c

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?Bavarian Alpes 

3. do you have siblings?Yep, 7 years older sister

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?I don’t think I have one

5. favorite color.Black, red, green, purple

6. what kind of music do you listen to?Metal, classic rock, industrial, neo-folk, 80s pop, darkwave 

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)Tulip, forget-me-not

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?Hmmm, first spell, probably the spell that would help me to learn all languages that I wanna learn

9. favorite childhood memory.Countless trips all around my hometown with my grandma

10. have you ever been cheated on?Yep

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?Lots of posters on the walls, guitar in a corner, comfy bed, lots of CDs on the table. Idk, this sucks sorry

12. favorite animal.Wolves, big cats, horses

13. what was the last photo you took of?

14. do you believe in soul mates?Yep

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?Over

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.Express pizza. Always ordering the spiciest pizza they have

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?Kinda. Some things indeed happen for reason

18. guilty pressures?Idk if I even have them

19. favorite mythical creature, why?Dragons, because they are so damn awesome and powerful

20. something most people don’t know about you.People on tumblr probably know everything about me at this point lol. Idk, I guess some people don’t really know that 8 years ago I became a metalhead, but I discovered my first metal band 11 years ago

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?I grew up in the second biggest city in Lithuania - Kaunas. Idk, I barely remember things from my childhood 

22. do you believe aliens exist?Ayye

23. what was your last google search? “phantom of the opera“

24. what did your last relationship teach you?Perfect relationships exist. Also long distance relationships suck ass

25. would you relocate for love?It would depend, but I guess yea 

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?It depends what that person has done to me

27. favorite book.LoTR trilogy and tbh every J.R.R. book, It by S. King, The name of the Rose byU. Eco and many more

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?Extrovert with some introvert traits

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?I have kept it when I was a teen, now I only have travel journal

30. top 5 favorite movies.LoTR/The Hobbit trilogyAtomic BlondeKill BillAs above so belowInterstellar

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?same question and same answer

32. what is your greatest fear?Spiders

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.Wine, beer, mead, whiskey 

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.Wrote all those really creepy thirst tweets about Rammstein back when i had obsession over them

35. do you believe in ghosts?Yep

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?Best - I’m out-going and I’m always ready to helpWorst - I can be really stubborn 

37. should you split the dinner bill?Idk, should you?

38. are you a good liar?I guess yea

39. what keeps you up at night?My mind and my love for night

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?Phone

41. do you believe in god?I believe in gods

42. how do you relax when frustrated?Well, it depends on how I’m frustrated, but I usually listen to music or watch some vids on youtube

43. what’s something that offends you?Sexism  

44. favorite foodPasta!

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?I wanted to write a very specific person, but let’s leave that person for another time. I think it would be Tuomas Holopainen from Nightwish

46. when do you feel the most confident?When I’m with my favorite outfit, or when my makeup is cool, or when my mind let’s me feel confident, or when I’m wearing something sexy

47. what do you do on your free time?Listen to music, watching films/tv series, tumblr, sleeping, fangirling, going to concerts/fllm festivals, traveling, photography, being with friends, being in nauture

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respectYep

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?Yep, unfortunately 

50. did/do you play sports in school?I used to play sports in elementary school

51. when are you happiest?When I’m traveling or in a concert, or being with friends, or doing something creative, or being in nature

52. coffee or tea?Tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?My camera (and my copy of Moonglow artbook)

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?Their eyes, sometimes their hands

55. what is your favorite season, why?Autumn and winter. It’s just perfect weather and it makes me feel alive

56. what makes you laugh?Idk how to even answer this lol Good jokes, stupid/adorable things

57. are you a clean or messy person?Messy

58. what is important for a successful relationship?Trust, loyalty, being open and honest

59. what was your upcoming like?I don’t really understand the question tbh

60. favorite holiday?Christmas probably 

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?Buy all the stuff I need 

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?Anything, as long as it is spicy 

63. favorite outdoor activity.Going around the city or being in nature

64. how are you? honestly.I dunno, kinda good but kinda bad

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?Camping in the woods of course

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?EVERYTHING! 

67. favorite type of candy?Chocolate lol

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?“I need to read what the shit is this” - or smth stupid I said once lol

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?I barely use them tbh, tho I do use “precious” a lot

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?Being emo

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?I honestly can’t remember 

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?Metal evolution 

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?I suck at describing things but nooo, i’m not gonna post a picture even tho I think I have few, but let’s say it was pretty bad

74. what do you like to cook?Pasta or basically anything that I can or want at that moment

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?Moose

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?The Simpsons I guess

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?Heart

78. what is your favorite quote? “Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.” - Good omens

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?Idk, I don’t think I had any really weird crushes

80. what’s your love language?I actually went and did a test about this and so my love language is physical touch. I actually agree on this

81. do you ever feel alone?Almost always

82. ever been bullied?Yep

83. are you usually early or late?Sometimes bit early sometimes late

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?Books, films, music, photography

85. what do you wish you knew more about?I wish I’d know more about filmmaking, photography

Thank you!!!! And sorry that my answers suck ass..