#now 8 years post college i seem to have lost the ability to activate book reading mode and it makes me sad af

[abra-ka-dammit]

i wanna read books but i just dont have the focus for it anymore. i cant help but start randomly thinking abt shit and then i realize my eyes had passed over the last 2 paragraphs without me actually processing the words.

audiobooks wont help bc i cant focus on sound either; i cant even listen to those popular D&D play podcasts without missing huge chunks bc i zoned out either doing something or again just randomly thinking abt other stuff, then i tune back in like wait wtf is going on now. if its a story i just cant seem to ingest it.

thats why i like shit like mbmbam where its just kinda dumb shit and jokes and bits and its like. ok if i lose focus ill miss some stuff but when my brain comes back at least ill be able to just pick up in a couple seconds without what i missed affecting it yknow. bc its not a cohesive story.

[cloudoclock]

1 Year Later : My Sixth Form Masterpost 😊🧐

Last Summer, I decided to make a Masterpost of all the tips I gathered for people moving from year 11 to college of sixth form, as well as those who need any academic aids.

Today I decided to make a review of the  masterpost I made for sixth formers last year. I’m now going into year 13, so I’ve had time to think about what’s best for me and as a very determined student, I thought it would be a good idea to look back at what I thought I needed.

Websites and Resources

Revision world - I did not use this at all this year. The only useful thing that came out of this website was the ability to make mind maps because I always get lost when I do them by hand - although there’s many other sites for that. 2/10

Specs - Going to your exam board website and printing out your specifications are a big help because you can outline your own self study throughout the year. Keeping track is essential. This was very essential for my Media class and English Literature because they are essay based and the spec is perfect for planning. 8/10

Specimen Papers and Walkthroughs - we all know how useful practice is and finding up-to-date papers are essential for calming yourself into the exam mindset. Walkthoughs on Youtube are also great because it gives a condensed version of the exam thought process. As someone who struggled with improving my essay writing to A Level standards, specimen papers are essential to my own planning  and actually understanding how arguments are executed. 8.5/10

Powerpoints  or Prezi- this one is a bit of an odd one and does require a bit of digging. Search up “a level (subject) powepoint/presentation” and there may be a presentation from teachers on a unit from your subject. On Prezi there are loads of presentations that are easy to follow and vary in content. This was unintentionally the most useful resource for Media Studies. In my class, our teachers would set us up in groups bi-weekly and just give us an element of media to make presentations on. Luckily when you do a search along with “slideshare” there’ll be an array of student-made presentations. I don’t encourage copying but it cuts down on time spent searching for main facts. 10/10

Youtube - of course everyone’s favourite site is a useful resource. However, it is very easy to get distracted so look at specific channels and playlists. I actually didn’t use youtube too much this year, but I think it’s great for advice videos. 5/10

Emma studies - this is truly my prinatable queen annd planner life saver. She has all these free printables and layouts that you can just put in your binder and in your books to keep up with your work. However, I haven’t been journaling since COVID properly started in February, so I need to figure that out haha. *Note she hasn’t really been active in a while

Study Methods

Cornell Method - Not useful for someone like me. I did not practice this method enough because of its inefficiency and have now realised its totally useless for my style of work. I advise that you get a Skillshare and watch the entirety of Ali Abdaal’s study class or go look on his Youtube channel. The summary section is counter is a waste of space as I would probably rush it to just do it. Although the questions section is the most useful part, its more efficient to write the questions as a title and make additions after.

Colour schemes- Once again, another very very pretty add-on to notes but I stand by the rule of a MAX 3 colour scheme. I must reiterate that this is an add-on and it is best to stick to one colour pen, rather than switching between pens. 

Rewriting Notes after class - now I know the idea seems long winded and a waste of your time, but ... I now realised it is actually A WASTE OF TIME. I earnestly entreat you to watch the skillshare class I mentioned. The act of re-writing extensive notes from class is not active recall, even though the act of writing is partially benefitial. I would advise writing down key points and specific points for the exam, but not much more. Repeated exposure to these facts or ideas is much better because you do all the summarising in your head. Obviously, this is the time you can make reformed notes, but doing it for every lesson is strenuous in the long run.  The learning doesn’t take place on paper so save the environment. 

Music

My light playlist - this playlist is pretty chill and a bit of a autumn night vibe.

Reading playlist - there’s pretty good scores on here for reading sessions for a bit of a switch from the usual (I really loved this during the autumn term, especially for English)

White noise- I loved this and some exam hall sounds on youtube.

Supplies

Home Binder/ expanding file - Unfortunately, I am yet to have a system that works with binders. It really does help to have a small file to hold all your papers, but I would use online files and not print unless necessary.

Binder for lessons- For STEM, language and perhaps essay classes, I think you definitely need a place to store all that content. Make sure you declutter often!

Refill pad/ notebook- I hated my perforated books and I’m starting to grow hatred for wirebound books (maybe its the way I store them), but I like having an easy notebook on the go.

Post its/ page tabs- I personally think these are a little wasteful if you are not using them consistently. Page tabs are very good for books if you need to focus on themes, characters or as points for essays.

Planner- please, please, please get a planner. You need a planner regardless of how you do it - online, bujo or on daily memo sheets.

USB - not many people talk about having a usb, maybe because we are in the digital age of sharing. When you need to quickly open docs or powerpoints in school, or in the library or at home, no one has time to wait for google drive. I learned how important it was to have a usb in gcses and it is worth the extra effort.

Tips and advice

The jump in self discipline, workload and effort at a level is different for everyone, but it is helpful for you prepare in whatever way you can, so that the hit isn’t so scary. I got hit so hard and was giving up by November; those videos about being tired are no joke.

Your friends are not always the best people to organise study groups with. Unless you are sure, that work is going to get done, its best that you find people that you can get serious with. I still stand by this because I know not everyone has a nice study space at school and the sooner you get used to focusing alone or better yet with a teacher, the better.

If you feel yourself losing focus and even after taking a break, you’re uninterested,stop and refresh at another time or the next day. You’re brain is doing so because it cannot fit anything else in there and forcing yourself isn’t helping anyone. If you continuously burn yourself out, you will find it difficult to come back to the work because you’re constantly reminding yourself of how much of a chore it is. - I got burned out twice and never recovered. Please take care.

Ask your teachers and your head of year questions. The magic word “ucas” is going to be popping up and soon enough you’re going to be worrying about your personal statement.(Its popping up right now for me </3) If you have a query, find a time to talk with them because it is invaluable support. If you’re like me, write on a piece of paper the questions you have and meet your teacher in a free or at lunch so you can be comfortable and get down what you can. They’re a lot more understanding than I thought.

You can buy all the supplies and ask all the questions but implementing these keys are all on YOU. If you feel yourself slipping, be honest and accept it because if you keep running from it, you could seriously damage your physical and mental health. Keep a diary so you can notice patterns in your energy.

Your best is your best. Succcess is subjective blah blah blah and no one can take that from you. When you get your results, you know what you put into those exams/coursework , so you are entitled to disappointment or joy.

This took me a while to make so I appreciate any comments or reblogs. I love you random person.  If you got to this point I would appreciate it if you could follow my general account on Instgram @fairy_lierre, as I’m going to rest my studygram. Stay tuned for lots more on a level advice and life update <3

[melvinfeller]

Stress, Stress and More Stress.  Melvin Feller Discusses How to Overcome Stress in Today’s World!

According to Melvin Feller CEO of Melvin Feller Ministries and President of Melvin Feller Business Group, everyone deals with stress at some point, and Christians are not immune to the pressures and pitfalls of life.  Feller has dealt personally with over 60 plus surgeries as well as both Colon and Melanoma Cancer.  On top of that he endured a divorce from Hell where his ex-wife destroyed 3 companies and stole more than 2 million dollars.  So, when it comes to stress Melvin Feller has learned that true peace comes from God!

Stress tends to hit us when we're overtired, when we're sick, and when we're outside of our safe and familiar environment. When we've taken on too many responsibilities, during times of grief and tragedy, when our circumstances spin out of control, we feel stressed. And when our basic needs are not being met, we feel threatened and anxious.

 Most Christians share the belief that God is sovereign and in control of our lives. We believe he has given us everything we need for living. So, when stress dominates our lives, somewhere along the way we have lost our ability to trust in God. That's not meant to imply that a stress-free existence in Christ is easy to obtain. Far from it.

 Maybe you've heard these words from another Christian in one of your moments of stress: "What you need to do, bro, is just trust God more."

If only it were that easy.

Stress and anxiety for a Christian can take on many different shapes and forms. It can be as simple and subtle as slowly backsliding away from God or as debilitating as a full-blown panic attack. Regardless, stress will wear us down physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We need to be armed with a plan for dealing with it.

 Do you find life more stressful than it was even a few years ago? If so, you are not alone. Even in the United States—a nation currently enjoying a financial upturn—stress is a dominating influence in the lives of many. In its Global Emotions 2019 report, the Gallup organization noted, “Even as their economy roared, more Americans were stressed, angry and worried last year than they have been at most points during the past decade” (“Americans’ Stress, Worry and Anger Intensified in 2018,” Gallup.com, April 25, 2019).

 The New York Times reported the details: “In the United States, about 55 percent of adults said they had experienced stress during ‘a lot of the day’ prior, compared with just 35 percent globally.… About 45 percent of the Americans surveyed said they had felt ‘a lot’ of worry the day before, compared with a global average of 39 percent” (“Americans Are Among the Most Stressed People in the World, Poll Finds,” New York Times, April 25, 2019). A healthy economy, it seems, is no insurance against the burden of stress and worry.

 As we accelerate our technology and pace of life in the 21st century, millions experience increasing stress, depression, and physical illness. The Washington Post featured an article with this headline: “Not only are Americans becoming less happy—we’re experiencing more pain too.” The article reported on research by David Blanchflower of Dartmouth College and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick, who examined “cross-country data on the experience of pain.”

In 2011, the International Social Survey Program asked respondents in over 30 nations how often they had experienced bodily aches and pains in the past month. Americans were the most likely to report frequent pain, with 34 percent saying they experienced it “often” or “very often.” The average across all countries surveyed was just 20 percent. “As the US is one of the richest countries in the world, and in principle might be expected to have one of the most comfortable lifestyles in the world, it seems strange—to put it at its mildest—that the nation should report such a lot of pain,” Blanchflower and Oswald write (Washington Post, December 6, 2017).

 Yes, stress affects us in profound ways! But while health experts can give us useful strategies for coping with stress, there is another source that has been proven for millennia to be filled with the best guidance of all—God’s word. Yes, your Bible reveals powerful ways to overcome stress, fear, frustration, and anxiety.

 SEEK THE HIGHER GOALS!

The book of Proverbs reminds us to pursue true values. We read, “Receive my instruction, and not silver, and knowledge rather than choice gold; for wisdom is better than rubies, and all the things one may desire cannot be compared with her” (Proverbs 8:10–11). Those who seek money, luxury, and glittering possessions must always worry about holding on to what they have and acquiring even more. But our Savior, Jesus Christ, commented on those who worry about gaining possessions: “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things” (Matthew 6:31–32). If you trust in God and follow His guidance, you will gain wisdom and will not find yourself worrying about the obsessive search for more physical things. You will be seeking something far higher. Read it in your own Bible: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). God is the giver of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). He has promised to fulfill our needs (Philippians 4:19). Do you believe Him? Confront your stress by seeking the highest goal: God’s Kingdom.

 STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES!

In today’s fast-paced world, do you ever stop to take a deep breath? Do you take a moment from your activity to “smell the roses”? You may start your workday stressed in congested commuter traffic. Then, with one appointment or stop after another, you may only take time for a quick snack for lunch—if you don’t skip lunch entirely. “Soccer moms,” as they are called, transport their children to and from school and from one activity to another. Some people work two jobs just to keep their heads above financial water.

 Some are so addicted to technology that they stay online constantly and lose touch with their environment. Many in the U.S. may think of Internet activity as a problem unique to their country, yet we find otherwise in an eye-opening report from the London Telegraph: “British teenagers spend more time on the internet than virtually anyone else in the world, leading them to become unhappier and more susceptible to mental health problems, a new report has found. Nearly one in four pupils in the U.K. are now considered ‘extreme’ internet users, with tens of thousands spending three times longer online than the average dwell-time of children living in the rest of the developed world” (“British children are online more than almost any other developed nation—and are unhappier as a result,” April 19, 2017).

 What does God offer as an alternative? We read, “The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows His handiwork” (Psalm 19:1). To reduce or even prevent stress, try to connect with nature. Take a break. If you can, find a rosebush or some other source of beauty in nature that you can appreciate. At night, pause to consider the awesomeness of the stars above. And take the time to stop and pray for a moment, telling God of your appreciation for the marvels of His creation. God tells us, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge” (Psalm 46:10–11).

PRAY!

Are you what some call a “worrywart”? Do you let your fears and worries produce emotional and physical stress in your life? The patriarch Job lamented, “For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me, and what I dreaded has happened to me” (Job 3:25). What should he have done? The Apostle Paul made it plain: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God�� (Philippians 4:6). In other words, share your worries, your fears, and your concerns with God in prayer!

 Perhaps you are worried about your needs. Again, go to God! Jesus tells us that God knows your needs even before you ask Him (Matthew 6:8), but He wants you to ask in order to develop a closer relationship with Him.

 Are you worried about the state of your country? In an article discussing its “Stress in America” survey, the American Psychological Association reported, “Nearly two-thirds of Americans (63 percent) say the future of the nation is a very or somewhat significant source of stress, slightly more than perennial stressors like money (62 percent) and work (61 percent)” (“US at ‘Lowest Point We Can Remember;’ Future of Nation Most Commonly Reported Source of Stress,” November 1, 2017). As diverging ideologies continue to polarize people, many in the last few years have faced the stress of losing long-held, valued friendships. So, what should you do if you are feeling stress about the governance of your nation? Your Bible gives the answer: Pray about it!

 Certainly, we should pray that rulers in government show mercy to those faithfully seeking to obey God, allowing them to live in peace. We read this in the Apostle Paul’s advice to the young evangelist Timothy: “Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence” (1 Timothy 2:1–2). However, there is another aspect that many people, even Christians, too easily neglect. If you are feeling stress because you do not like your nation’s leader, you need to understand just who arranged for or allowed that person’s rule. “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God” (Romans 13:1). When you understand that God is in charge, you can let go of your personal stress about your nation’s leaders and focus on praying for God’s will to be done.

 And how should you pray? Notice that Paul said to pray “with thanksgiving” (Philippians 4:6). Yes, ask for what you need and what you want, but do not forget to thank God for all your blessings. As you learn to recognize your blessings and not only your challenges, you will learn to see your problems in a bigger context—and that larger perspective will reduce your stress.

GOD’S PROMISES!

As you pray, do not be shy about also claiming God’s promises for you! Your Bible is a treasure house of His sure and wonderful promises. The Apostle Peter gives us powerful encouragement! He writes to us:

 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust (2 Peter 1:2–4).

 As you claim God’s promises in prayer, you can overcome stress. What are a few of those promises? God has promised to answer our prayers (Matthew 7:7–8); He has promised to fulfill all our needs (Philippians 4:19); He has promised to guide our lives (Proverbs 3:5–6); He has promised to give us the desires of our heart, if we delight in Him (Psalm 37:4–5); He has promised us peace of mind (Philippians 4:6–7); He has promised the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38; Luke 11:13); He has promised us the gift of His love (Romans 5:5); and He has promised us eternal life (1 John 2:25). Those are just a few. There are many more promises in the Bible for you, your friends and loved ones, and for all human beings on the earth—if you will come to God in prayer and in faith, through our Savior Jesus Christ.

 AWAYS PLAN AHEAD!

Is stress all bad? Endocrinologist Hans Selye defines stress as “the nonspecific response of the body to any demand made upon it” (Stress Without Distress, p. 14). This definition accounts for “good” types of stress or “eustress,” such as the stress that comes with a job promotion, as well as “bad” stress or “distress,” such as what you experience when you discover you have bounced a check. Physiologically, both types of stress are the same: They result in increased blood pressure, increased respiratory rates, increased digestive activity, increased sugar and fatty acids in the circulatory system, increased metabolism, increased sodium retention, and decreased immune function.

 When we make plans, we can use stress in a positive way. Indeed, we need positive stressors in our life to make it fun and interesting, and certain stressors also help us be more productive. Deadlines and rewards for completing tasks, for example, motivate us. Health researcher Jerrold Greenberg emphasizes this: “The goal of stress management is not to eliminate all stress…. Our goal should be to limit the harmful effects of stress while maintaining life’s quality and vitality” (Comprehensive Stress Management, pp. 12, 14).

 For many, even planning a few days ahead can seem a big challenge, and setting a consistent schedule with steps toward our major goals can change our attitude for the better. You may have heard the time-management tip that when you are faced with what seems to be a difficult task, you should break it down into many smaller tasks that are each manageable. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by one huge challenge, you can then overcome a series of smaller challenges.

 But what is the greatest project of all, the greatest challenge? As we discussed earlier, our most important plan should be to seek the Kingdom of God. As regular readers of this magazine know, God has planned for us a wonderful future as members of His Family—a plan that can seem almost unimaginable in our present state. But it is within our grasp if we use what God has given us. We can have the power of Christ to help us achieve our goals! For, as Scripture states, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). Remember the Apostle Peter’s admonition on the day of Pentecost: “Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 2:38). Have you repented of your sins? Have you received proper biblical baptism?

 SUSTAIN A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!

How do your personal challenges compare with those of the Apostle Paul? He told the Corinthians about the stress, trials, and tribulations he had endured: “From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep” (2 Corinthians 11:24–25). How did he cope with those stresses? He focused on maintaining a positive attitude. Even while Paul was in prison, he encouraged others to do this as well: “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:8–9).

 Think about those things that are true. What is true? Jesus prayed to the Father, “Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth” (John 17:17). The Bible, God’s word, is truth. Think about those scriptures that are important to you. Read your Bible. Mark, highlight, or underline those verses that mean something special or significant to you! Dear reader, you and I must read the Bible. I encourage you to read your Bible every day! God’s word will inspire you. It will help clean up your thoughts and mind. As Jesus said, “Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you” (John 15:3, King James Version).

 Paul also asks us to meditate on “whatever things are lovely” (Philippians 4:8). Sometimes, when I want to counteract stress, I focus on lovely, picturesque scenes that I have seen in my travels. I think of the sunsets I have seen around the world. I think of lakes and mountains and beautiful rainbows. Meditate on the positive and you will reduce stress!

 FIRST COMMANDMENT IS TO LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR!

Selfishness is a major cause of stress. An excessive focus on self only adds to the stresses in life. Your Bible emphasizes a simple but profound principle. The Apostle Paul experienced many trials in his life, but he emphasized this key principle as given by the Lord: “I have shown you in every way, by laboring like this, that you must support the weak. And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’” (Acts 20:35).

 Perhaps you know the story of the Good Samaritan. A lawyer had correctly answered a question Jesus had asked him, implying that he understood God’s command that we love our neighbors as our own selves (Luke 10:25–28). But notice: “But he, wanting to justify himself, said to Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbor?’” (Luke 10:29). In response, Jesus recounted the story of a priest and a Levite—respected members of society—who chose to walk past a man who had been attacked by thieves, neglecting to offer help. Instead, the injured man received the help he needed from a Samaritan—a man looked down upon by the Jewish population of the day—who was even willing to pay his expenses to recover from the thieves’ attack (vv. 30–35). Jesus then pointedly asked the lawyer, “‘So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?’ And he [the lawyer] said, ‘He who showed mercy on him.’ Then Jesus said to him, ‘Go and do likewise’” (vv. 36–38).

 When we love our neighbors and help those in need, our own stresses diminish and we have a more positive perspective on life. Even if we ourselves are suffering, we need to do good to others. We read, “Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator” (1 Peter 4:19). Or, as it states in the New International Version, “So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.” Yes, God expects us to love our neighbors and continue to do good to others, even while under stress—and we can benefit from shifting our focus toward the needs of others.

 Even in the workplace, some companies are discovering that concern for their workers’ stress is good for the “bottom line.” Mark Bertolini, former Chief Executive Officer of the Aetna insurance company, was sobered to learn that the most stressed 20 percent of workers at his company spent $1,500 more annually on health care than did less-stressed workers. Bertolini responded by making changes to company policy. To help reduce stress, Aetna not only addressed financial stress by raising entry-level wages and helping workers to pay back student loans, but the company also instituted a $300 bonus for employees who were able to get 7.5 hours of sleep for 20 consecutive nights. What was the result? Not only did employees report subjectively less stress, the company increased its operating margin from 8 percent to 9.1 percent (“Stressed-out workers spend $1,500 more on health care each year,” CNBC.com, June 19, 2019). Yes, the principle of Luke 6:38—give, and it will be given to you—applies even in the business world. When we practice the “way of give,” we can reduce our own daily stresses and those of others around us!

 Love is outgoing concern. When we practice a “giving” way of life, we can thrive amidst our daily stresses. This is also stated in the second great commandment, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39).

 We must pray and obey! This means we make a commitment not to live based on the culture around us but by the leading of the Holy Spirit, who lives in us as born-again believers in Christ. Our mind-set should be: With God's help, I'm ready to make a change. Then as we do what He shows us to do (or what He shows us not to do), we'll be able to live in peace.

 Pursue the peace Jesus is offering you today. It's not the kind the world gives — the kind you have as long as your circumstances are the way you want them to be. The peace Jesus gives makes you calm and undisturbed on the inside, in your soul, no matter what's going on around you. Study other scriptures about peace, like Philippians 4:6-7, Colossians 3:15 and 1 Peter 3:11. Put your trust in God completely and enjoy the life Jesus died to give you. Through Christ, you can learn how to manage the stress of this world, instead of letting stress manage you!

[soulstream-rp]

Hi Joyce! Welcome to our RP group. Valeria has an interesting story that fits into our little world. Her shop in Port Ashborne will definitely a good place for plot! /We have no doubt that she would be a great addition to the group!  Please make sure to follow everyone on our masterlist and to follow the tags for announcements, starters, follows & unfollows, as well as events. Also, make sure that your submit is activated for OOC chat link purposes. Congratulations and see you soon!

OOC Info.

Name: Joyce

Age: 22

Preferred Pronoun: She/Her

Timezone: est

Activity Scale (1-10): 6 on weekdays 8 on weekends. I have school and a job so i’m busy on weekdays, but less busy on weekends.

IC Info. Original Character

Character Name: Valeria “Val” Ortiz

Age: 27 years old

Character Type: Medium

True Name: “Hunter”

FC: Daniella Pineda

Sexuality: Bisexual

Date & Place of Birth: June 26th, Tijuana, Mexico

Occupation: Artifact and Relic Hunter and Collector

Background:

Valeria and her older sister, Selena, had always been close to their grandmother. The two sisters would sit on her lap or in front of her, listening to the stories she had to tell about the world so very similar to our own. Their grandmother told stories of souls traveling across the sky, lights touching the earth, and of a magic that connected them all. Their mother didn’t approve of her own mother telling her children such stories, but the young girls wanted to be just like their grandmother when they got older.

As the two girls grew up, their mother eventually forbid them from listening to their grandmother. Still, they would sneak out of their rooms in the middle of the night and learn from their grandmother. They took over the family business, running an antiques store. After school, they helped their grandmother at the store and started to practice magic and attempt to connect with spirits. When Valeria turned eighteen, her sister and grandmother along with several other employees were murdered during a robbery at their family shop. Valeria was severely injured from the shootout, but survived.

It was in that moment that Valeria understood her powers as a medium. Her connection to her sister and grandmother allowed her to stay in contact with them as well as her lost father. Her mother finally revealed the truth about their family. Their family business wasn’t just about collecting antiques, but about protecting and preserving artifacts, some dealing with the supernatural and occult. They stole from hunters and thieves and returned the artifacts to whomever they belonged to. Valeria’s father died during a job. The men who shot up their store were looking for artifacts that were stolen from them. Valeria’s mother tried to prevent her daughters from the same fate as their father and push them to live their own lives.

Her mother thought this would deter Val from following the same path as the rest of their family, but it only encouraged her. Val went to a college close to her home so she could still run their store. After she graduated, she started to take a more active role by tracking down artifacts and either buying or stealing them. She would take them back to her shop or return them to their rightful owners, just as her mother and father and grandmother did before her. After a few years, she was able to get their store back to its former glory and had several trustworthy employees take care of things. Valeria made the decision to move to the United States to open another branch of her family’s shop. The first place she thought of was Port Ashbourne after finding a old post card her father sent her and her sister while on a business trip.

Additional Information:

Valeria frequently has nightmares from the robbery at her store. She has a scar on the right side of her chest from the gunshot would she sustained. It’s been years, but it still gives her pain. She also suffers from depression and anxiety, which she takes medication for.

Valeria majored in Classics and Psychology at her university. She was going to only do a major and minor, but ended up loving psychology so much she decided to do a double major at the last minute and stayed in school an extra semester.

She carries around a picture of her family in her wallet. It’s the last family portrait before her father’s death when she was seven. She hates how she looks in the photo because she’d just lost a tooth, but she loves to see all of her family members happy. Val hates it when people think about her being the girl with a dead family, so she never brings them up.

Personality:

Valeria is generally a quiet and introverted woman who always chooses her words carefully, especially around people she doesn’t know. She used to be boisterous and hyper all the time, but has mellowed out since all the deaths in her family. She’s somewhat pessimistic and morbid, having lost faith in most of humanity. However, she can still be just like her former self when she gets to know people and get closer to them. She despises how greedy people can be and dislikes people who are not loyal. Valeria believes in loyalty to a person more than she believes in loyalty to a cause. She continued the family business because of her love and devotion to her sister and grandmother. Valeria doesn’t always follow what is strictly right and wrong. She believes in the gray areas and usually follows her own standards to do what she thinks is right or what she thinks her grandmother would have wanted.

Skills:

Valeria is ambidextrous, but she prefers to write with her left hand. It helped her when she started practicing Krav Maga and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu so she could defend herself while on a job.

Valeria has trained herself in picking locks, picking pockets, and some hacking. She is not the best hacker, but has enough knowledge to get through basic firewalls. She has become a better liar over the years, which often times gets her out of trouble.

Valeria still practices magic to this day. She sometimes uses her mediumship to contact her sister and grandmother. She never tells people about her abilities. She focused mostly in the school of elementalism and has attempted to practice alchemy with few successes.

She is a skilled pianist thanks to lessons her parents made her go to everyday. When her father died, she wanted to quit, but her mother forced her to continue. Her mother wanted her to become a concert pianist. She hardly plays these days, but every now and then she’ll play a tune.

Sample Paragraph:

“Val, come here!” Valeria lifted her head from her book as her sister called her to the front of the store. She closed the book after placing her leather bookmark between the pages. She walked towards the front desk, but froze when she saw guns pointed at her grandmother and sister. Three other employees at the store also stood, frozen in place with their hands on their heads. Val broke out into a cold sweat and her heard started to pound like a drum. Before she could even say a single word, the man barked at her in Spanish. Their accents were terrible, telling the young woman that these men in masks were not from around here.

Every store Val read, every tv show or film she watched told her situations like these ended up with the protagonist feeling like everything slowed down, but for Val, everything sped up. Pop! Pop! Pop! The guns went off, one after another. Bullets flew all around. The glass encasing all the antiques shattered. The glass rained down, sparkling in the light. Any other day, it could have been beautiful. But the glass today was stained with dark blood. The gore seemed to coat everything in the store. Val closed her eyes as a bullet struck her. She fell backwards, struggling to breathe through the shock and pain of hot metal ripping through her insides. Her eyes fluttered shut as the men searched the store. She could hear their heavy footsteps running away when sirens echoed from down the street.

When Valeria opened her eyes again, she was in her hotel room. She was sweaty and shaking when she ripped the covers off. The pillows were strewn everywhere. It was a bad night again. She couldn’t shake the memory of what happened, even nearly ten years later. She forced herself to get to her feet. She went into the bathroom to wash her face and get a sip of water. Val pushed her hair back and looked into the mirror as she took in several deep breaths. She glanced back at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was five am and she knew she wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon. She braided her hair back and went to the desk in the room.

Val tapped the pen on the wooden table as she perched her feet on the surface. She reached over to pick up her phone and dialed a number. “Mama…oh, no, I’m fine,” she said quietly. She put a hand to her head. “I wanted to call and see how you were doing. Is the shop doing well?” Hearing her mother’s voice was calming and comforting. It was her last source of comfort. “I was up early for a run and thought I’d call since we haven’t spoken in a while,” she told her mother. Anytime she called her mother, her mother would get worried about her. “I’m glad things are going well. I’m just in the States for a job. I’ll be careful, I promise,” she said. She put on a small smile, even though her mother couldn’t see it. She glanced at the hotel’s brochures on the desk. “I’m staying in a hotel at this town called…Port Ashbourne. I like it. I think you’d like it, too.” Val sighed softly and stood up from the desk chair. “I love you, too. I’ll let you know how it goes. I think this town will be interesting.”

[marcusssanderson]

10 Lifestyle Changes You Should Make In Your 30s

Our whole life, we hear that we need to be healthy. “You have to eat your vegetables.” “You need to work-out.” “You need to floss.” The list goes on and on, and it seems to only grow bigger and bigger as we get older.

While there are many “aha!” moments in our lives when we have the realization that we are “behind the ball in life”, this article will focus on our third decade: our 30s.

It’s an incredibly unique point in our lives where we are physically, mentally, and professionally capable of accomplishing an incredible amount….BUT only if we make the changes necessary to truly make the most out of our physical and mental abilities, leaving a positive indelible mark on as many people as possible.

Teamwork makes the dream work. So let’s get to it! Here are several lifestyle changes that could help you feel AND look healthier in your crucial 30s.

    10 Lifestyle Changes To Make In Your 30s 

1.) Get in physical shape.

Our 30’s offer us the time in life when we are physically capable of enduring anything (many of the Tour de France winners are in their upper 20’s to mid 30’s). AND, we are still capable of adding vital muscle mass (without a lot of struggle).

This is our last chance to take advantage of a deck that is still stacked in our favor. GET TO IT.

ACTION ITEM: Try a group fitness class twice a week. Make it something you genuinely enjoy! If the gym isn’t for you, but you really love ballet, cycling, running, or rock climbing, then do that!

It’s important that you start with what you enjoy. Just know that no matter what sport or activity you choose, you’ll need to add some proper strength training to it as well – a three days a week is best – as increasing your muscular strength and the balance of muscles at each joint are the cornerstones of living a healthy and active life well into your 90s!

  2.) Floss.

Dentists rejoice! Someone listened to you! While yes, I DO mean floss your teeth (seriously, at least twice a week), I also mean mental floss – READING (let’s kill two birds with one stone here, eh?).

Listen, I don’t know if you realize it yet, but LeVar Burton was right (that’s a Reading Rainbow reference for all you PBS kids out there):

“Take a look, it’s in a book!”

A saying I heard recently that’s been running through my mind:

“We stand on the books we’ve read, in order to reach those top-shelf things which we desire.”

Let that sink in for a minute. It’s a deep one.

Kindle, Amazon, your local library…Knowledge is there for the taking! Accessible at the tip of your fingers for free, or at super low costs. Go TAKE IT!

ACTION ITEM: Head to your local library, or jump on to Amazon and pick up ONE book on a subject that interests you. Read at least ONE page a day for the next 60 days. (Don’t forget to renew that library book though!)

  3.) Start saving and/or investing.

As we enter our 30s, we’ve now lost over a decade of time when we could have taken a big bite out of our journey to financial freedom and retiring comfortably.

How? By taking advantage of saving and investing opportunities.

Now I’m not any kind of financial expert, so I won’t try to make any recommendations (although I have read quite a bit on the subject – see item #2 on this list), but I will point you to three fantastic reads:

Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki

A Random Walk Down Wall Street by Burton Malkiel

The Little Book Of Common Sense Investing by John Bogle

There are many other books for aspiring investors. Find what works for you, but GET STARTED. Even just $20 a week makes a big difference. Don’t put it off any more as you’re already 10-12 years behind everyone else.

If you don’t believe me, pick up a small quick read by Darren Hardy called “The Compound Effect”.

ACTION ITEM: Pick one of these up as your first or second book to read. Make sure to take notes, as each book packs a TON of information that can help you get started on the right path. Do this and you check off TWO items from our list of lifestyle changes in one fell swoop!

  4.) Stop drinking all those energy drinks.

Coffee and tea tend to be far healthier than energy drinks (unless you add tons of sugar to them). Start practicing the “less is more” mantra for these lifestyle changes. Start with your coffee: those fancy lattes pack hundreds of extra calories that are not being kind to your waistline or cardiovascular health.

ACTION ITEM: Start by dropping off all those additives or syrups. Look for quality tea or coffee houses. Tea and coffee offer us a fantastic and seemingly endless spectrum of flavors… but you have to look beyond what’s on the shelf at the grocery store!

OR, even better, hit up #5 on our list so you don’t need those drinks.

  5.) Get more quality sleep.

While those with kids will LOL at this one, we still need to think about a regular bed time for ourselves. This is so we can at least have some sense of rhythm to our lives. This can help the body replenish and rejuvenate itself, even when life throws you a few curveballs.

Note that it’s NOT “get more sleep”, but “get more QUALITY sleep”.  The quality has a big impact.

ACTION ITEM: No TV in the bedroom, and no falling asleep in front of a screen. Aim to wean yourself away from gadgets for a full 30 minutes before you head to bed. This is another great opportunity to get some solid reading time in!

  6.) Stop eating like a college student.

Your body is starting to “hate you” for having those nachos at the ball game, and Chinese takeout after, well, anything. Our bodies are starting to change. We want to make sure we are giving it what it needs.

Start eating like a healthy adult. Keep those junk meals to fewer than twice a month, preferably as far apart from one another as possible. This will allow you to still “live your life”, but get on to healthier lifestyle changes that will improve the quality of life in your later years.

ACTION ITEM: Start by taking out ONE junk food or poor food choice from your weekly grocery list. Replace it with a fresh fruit or vegetable instead (frozen are acceptable as well!).

  7.) Get a mentor.

If you haven’t done this yet, you’re missing a fantastic opportunity to really excel in your personal and professional life. Having a mentor can really accelerate your professional and personal development, and truly help you become more productive. They can also support you in your quest to provide a positive impact in the world.

ACTION ITEM: If there is someone whom you’ve often sought counsel from, ask them if they would mentor you in that area. If you don’t have anyone in mind, start putting together a list of things you’d like to improve in your life, and begin asking around if anyone has suggestions for people to learn from for those areas.

 “When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready… The teacher will disappear.” – Lao Tzu

    8.) Practice gratitude everyday.

There is a post making its way around social media these last few months of a shop that posted new price guidelines for ordering coffee that goes something along the lines of:

“Large coffee”- $2.50

“Large coffee, please”- $1.75

“Good morning! Large coffee, please!” – $1.25

Life is the same: the more gratitude and positive feelings you put out there, the more you’ll get back. Don’t be a d*ck. Be positive and grateful, and the world will pay you back tenfold. It’s one of the easiest lifestyle changes to make and doesn’t cost a dime.

ACTION ITEM: Each morning, within two hours of waking up, you must say at least five things you are thankful for, out loud. Yes, some days having that big mug of your favorite coffee counts. But try to get a bit more creative as the days go by.

  9.) Work when you’re at work, and play when you play.

Seriously, put the phone away! Be present when you’re away from work with others. The work will always be there, but the time with your friends/ family/ significant others will be what you remember 10, 15, 40 years from now – not what Mr. Shields needs you to finish.

ACTION ITEM: Put your phone (or other gadgets) on silent mode, or leave them at home.

  10.) Take time to travel.

Whether it’s an hour-drive with the kids to a farm for fall harvest, OR a 10-hour flight with your significant other across the globe to a far away destination, traveling to meet new people from different places can help you have a greater understanding of how the world works – and learn more about yourself.

Besides, it’s fun to get out of your routine and try something new. That’s how we grow, and growth is one of the keys to success.

ACTION ITEM: Start small! Take a day trip somewhere outside of your area. Take a bike, a train, plane, or boat. Whatever your chosen mode of transport is, go explore some other part of town or a new region.

  ~

Implementing these 10 lifestyle changes can have a powerfully positive impact on your 30’s and beyond.  But you have to start. So get to it!

If you have other lifestyle changes that YOU have made and which have had a significant impact on YOUR path to living a fulfilled, successful life, please share them below in the comments!

The post 10 Lifestyle Changes You Should Make In Your 30s appeared first on Everyday Power Blog.

[morsmordrehasbeensaved]

CONGRATULATIONS ALYSSA, YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED AS LILY EVANS WITH THE FACECLAIM OF SOPHIE TURNER!

We definitely had a hard time deciding on who would be the one to portray our wonderful Lily Evans, but in the end decided upon your application. You captured her personality and biography perfectly, but it was your additional info that pushed you over the finish line for us. We loved the way you described her boggart and patronus and the little quotes you added. We can not wait to see what you do with this character and to write with you!

Check out our acceptance checklist right here on what to do next!

♔ OUT OF CHARACTER INFO ♔

NAME/ALIAS:

Alyssa

AGE:

21 – My birthday is December 20!

PREFERRED PRONOUNS:

She/Her

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY:

CST/GMT -6

Out of ten, I’d say that my activity is typically around an 8! I get on periodically throughout the day, and most evening/late nights. I am a college student, majoring in theatre, though, so this can all change depending on rehearsals, homework, and of course, whatever life decides to throw at me. I try to let people know if a particularly rough week is coming up!

TRIGGERS:

REMOVED.

ANYTHING ELSE:

REMOVED.

♔ IN CHARACTER INFO ♔

FULL NAME:

Lily Josephine Evans

-       Lily, for the ‘garden’ that her mother wanted through her children. The Evans family has always had a fairly large and beautiful garden in the back, something her mother started when she and her father moved in after getting married. She always intended to name her children for the blooms.

-       Josephine, the feminine version of her father – Joseph. Lily keeps her middle name to herself – most people know that she is Lily J. Evans, and she keeps it at that. She adores her father more than almost anyone in the world, and having a little almost secret between them keeps her grounded, especially when the world feels like it’s beginning to fall apart.

BIRTHDAY AND AGE:

Lily was born on January 30, 1960. It was the first good snow of that winter, a fact that made her birth rather eventful. Her father will tell anyone who will listen about driving through the streets of Cokeworth, trying to get to the hospital as the snowflakes ‘as big as my hand, really!’ came down.

Assuming that you’re starting near the beginning of the school year, Lily is seventeen. She knows that this technically makes her an adult in the wizarding world, but she’s a little freaked out as to what that means. The Prophets tells darker stories as the days go on, and while she knows that she won’t be sitting on the sidelines come graduation, she does wish that she had a little more time.

PRONOUNS:

She/Her

SEXUALITY/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:

Heterosexual, heteroromantic.

-       Note: I would love to explore the idea of Lily being demisexual/demiromantic, however, as someone who doesn’t have a ton of experience with that, I feel the need to do research, and explore more before fully diving into a portrayal. I don’t think it would be fair, given my limited knowledge base, to automatically put it on the application. It is something I’m interested in and will continue to study, and hope that it can be worked into Lily’s psyche as time goes on!

EXTRACURRICULARS:

I think that Lily’s extracurriculars are perfect!! (I really love that there’s a knitting club, also).

PERSONALITY TRAITS:

+ Quick-witted: Lily is always on her toes. While she might get herself into some tricky situations, and especially on the battlefield, her mind is constantly racing, thinking of not only her next move, but of what her opponent may respond with, and her best course of action following suit.

+ Talented: No one can deny Lily’s abilities. She received tremendous marks all throughout her Hogwarts education, and has been able to use that knowledge outside of the castle’s walls. She has an almost photographic memory, recalling small passages from text books and essays in the most vital of moments.

+ Kind: Lily genuinely cares for those close to her with her entire heart and being. She hates to see people hurting, and is very typically known to go above and beyond to make things right. In the end, it is her kindness for which she is remembered.

+Passionate: Matching her fiery mane, Lily’s passions burn bright and long. When she cares about something, anyone who will listen is bound to get an ear full. She refuses to stand for injustices, and is thankful to be able to stand up for herself, and all those like her.

-Too proud: Lily likes being intelligent, and enjoys knowing that she has accomplished great feats for her age. However, this can frequently come of as if she were bragging, or being a know it all. It’s not that she’s trying to do those things, but if she knows the correct way to do something, she’s going to make it known to those around her.

-Judgmental: First impressions mean a lot to Lily, and though she sometimes wishes she didn’t place so much on them, she does. Her first year at Hogwarts was eye opening, in a way. Everyone around her was judging her on her blood, her first actions in the classroom, and her early friends. Now, they’ve rubbed off on her.

-Sharp-tongued: Always saying what’s on her mind has gotten Lily into her fair share of trouble throughout recent years. She does not hold back, and a flowing vocabulary has leant itself to quick witted comebacks and insults. Those close to her have learned not to set her off, and if she is angered, to not take most things that come out of her mouth extremely personally.

BIOGRAPHY:

As a young girl, Lily’s life was spent in gardens. Her mother had dozens of flowers planted in the backyard, and Lily and Petnuia spent summer days chasing each other among the blossoms. Fall afternoons were spent under the shade of trees, trying to get the falling leaves to land on her. Winters were bundled and chilled as she dodged her sister’s snow balls, and a young Lily could be found climbing trees to find the perfect reading spot in the spring. The first years of her life came and went with the largest conflict being which sister got the larger cookie after dinner.

As Lily’s magic began to show, things started to change. Petunia started acting differently, and she found solace in the strange boy from up the hill. Severus and Lily grew close, and she was delighted when she received her Hogwarts letter. Leaving behind her family was hard, especially with her sister’s penchant for being spiteful, but nonetheless, Lily went. Her first years at Hogwarts were everything she hoped for. She thrived, made new friends, and quickly rose to the top of her class.

The later half of her years at school brought more difficulties than she could have ever known. Lines were beginning to be drawn, and Lily knew that soon she would be deposited right in the middle of a full out war. She tried to keep the struggles hidden from her family – her parents didn’t need to worry about this, and Merlin only knew how Petunia would respond. Her letters became shorter and shorter back home, and she began to take a stand. Her life was turning upside down as she lost friendships, and by seventh year, it seemed that even being Head Girl did not guarantee and sort of safety in the halls.

As time goes on, she gives her family little information on her future plans. To be fair, she didn’t really know what exactly it was that she wanted to do with her life. Keeping her family in the dark seems, to her at least, the best way to keep them safe. While they remain clueless, she continues to learn and train. Though nothing can prepare her for what is to come, she’ll get as close as possible in her time remaining in the castle.

A war is on the horizon, and Lily is going to be fighting.

ADDITIONAL INFO:

Some of this is from former accounts, some from former apps, but I think it all shows a wide array of how I think about Lily!

https://wallflower-lils.tumblr.com/post/159474830378/lily-evans-moodboard(the theme is a bit funky here, but scrolling through shows all the gifs!)

https://wallflower-lils.tumblr.com/post/159115880373/not-afraid-of-anything-lily-evans-musical

https://wallflower-lils.tumblr.com/post/156016019823/a-playlist-for-the-fiery-gryffindor-girl-001-when

https://wallflower-lils.tumblr.com/post/161451254003/what-if-its-us-a-musical-theatre-playlist

https://wallflower-lils.tumblr.com/post/161413494768/once-and-for-all-a-first-order-musical-theatre

Quotes: “Some days I wanna raise a little something more than heaven.”

“Have courage, be kind.”

“I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want.”

“Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.”

Wand: Lily’s wand is 10 ¼ inches, willow, swishy, and has a unicorn tail core. It is exceptionally good for her charms work, and makes for good healing spells. She fell in love with it the moment she saw it, hardly believing that something of this power could belong to her.

Boggart: Lily’s boggart has undergone quite a few changes since her first encounter with it. The first time she saw it in third year, it was a rather large bird coming after her (don’t ask – there was a bad experience as a child). As she grew and the world around her changed, so did her fears. By sixth year it had transformed into her friends tearing her down, calling her a mudblood, and spitting at her feet. It will continue to change after she graduates, growing to be those she loves and cares about in peril.

Patronus: It took Lily ages to be able to properly produce a patronus. It was just thin wisps for a good four months during seventh year. When she was finally able to get the full one out, she looked back at James gleefully, but his eyes were left wide. Looking back to where his eyes were fixated, she couldn’t quite understand why he seemed so shocked. It was just a doe after all. It was only later, when James produced his own stag, that she understood.

[krumpwrites]

MHAM Post #14: A Mentor

The writer of this piece is someone I consider to be not just a friend, but in many ways, a mentor as well.

I actually couldn’t even tell you when I first met this writer. I was probably like 8? I attended the same camp every summer throughout my childhood, and as a teenager I began working there too. That is when me and this writer became closer. 

Growing up, if you had asked me to describe him, I would say he was filled with nothing but love, positivity, and happiness. This writer literally made the kids at camp light up with joy every day. He seemed to be constantly be overflowing with energy and passion.

I know I’ve said it a million times before, but you really can’t judge a book by it’s cover. So many people you are surrounded by everyday are battling their inner demons in silence. 

It means so much to me that the writer of this piece was willing to share his words. I’m so happy to know that we are able to still connect now, years after working together, to share our experiences with mental health. 

As you will see in this piece, it is HARD to open up about what you’re going through. Mental health struggles are a catch-22 in that sense. Not only do they cause you to feel unstable, but they often also make you feel less capable of opening up about what you’re going through. Then, to top it off, the stigma surrounding mental health makes it, in many ways, even more difficult to share your experiences openly. It’s no surprise than so many people grapple with these issues silently. 

Having the courage to share your experiences is extremely commendable, so, without further ado, check it out: 

When I graduated from high school in 1997, I had the vaguest notion of what bipolar disorder was. I certainly did not understand its destructive power, its ability to tear away at the life one built with terrifying swiftness. I would not know that I was bipolar until August of 2009. What I do remember knowing without any doubt when I was seventeen, and entering my first year at Penn State, was that I did not feel emotionally well-balanced. I do not mean this in the sense that I was feeling down, or going through a transition in my life that made me feel more stressed and emotionally drained. I felt shame, guilt, embarrassment, hopelessness, and uselessness to such a degree that I would hide from the world for days at a time, which progressed to weeks, and eventually months. I eventually spent the better part of seven years locked away in a studio apartment with the blinds drawn, trapped in my own mind.

No family, friends, or medical professionals knew of the way I lived until March of 2008, when I hit a breaking point, but I was not properly diagnosed with cyclothymic bipolar disorder until August of 2009. It was only then that I allowed myself to begin healing. Until recently, I rarely spoke or wrote about my mental health condition for various reasons that were grounded in the shame that fueled my protracted silence, in addition to the pernicious stigma that unfortunately continues to surround mental health issues. My voicelessness, however, did not stop me from learning about my own condition. I read as much as I could in the scientific literature, in addition to memoirs about people’s experiences associated with being bipolar. I am finally able to share my story more readily; I hope it helps anyone who reads it.

Nearly everyone I have known has felt depressed at some point in their life, which is a normal phenomenon. They understand that depression tends to shut people down and draw them inward mentally. Most people, however, are fairly resilient and find that mental balance without any help, so they are soon back on their feet and functioning normally. This resiliency is the line in the sand where my diagnosis separates me from those who are able to bounce back. It is critical that I emphasize two points. First, this separation is not my choice. I would never choose to continue to be depressed. Second, the severity of the depression that I suffer from is far more serious than what most people have ever had to deal with.

Looking back, it makes sense that I was bipolar at Penn State. I loved learning, reading, hanging out with friends, and playing competitive sports. Yet, very soon after I started college, I began to withdraw. The life that I worked very hard to build throughout high school was fading as life started feeling less important to me, for reasons that I may never know. Feeling that depressed, my natural reaction was to hide, both physically and emotionally. As professors and friends told me, when they did happen to see me, it was as if I just fell off the face of the earth. From time to time I did leave my apartment, and some classes were able to motivate me enough to participate and do well. For the majority of the time, however, I was hiding in my apartment. I cried, read, and slept. A few times a week I would eat. I was fortunate to have loving parents who worked hard to put me through school, which made me more ashamed of my lack of attendance and participation in college. Until I spoke out years later, my parents paid my tuition, I tried to recover from my depression, and I would continue to fail most of the time. When I was not failing because of never attending class, I was withdrawing from a semester of courses that I never went to. I was not a party animal who blew off everything academic. I was a lost person hiding from the world, and trying to run from my mind and my pain. This was my life for many years. When I was supposed to have graduated from Penn State, I remained in my apartment and lived off of my own savings from high school. My sporadic academic victories against bipolar disorder were marked with As on my transcript. My academic shortcomings were not indicative of blowing off college; they were the markers of my suffering. Medical research strongly suggests that people with a bipolar disorder often lose social functioning that is so easy for others and do not recover it for many years. I am living proof of that.

Throughout those difficult years in my life, there were a few genuinely bright spots. I did have windows in my house of misery that brought rays of happiness into my life. I enjoyed photography, and I especially enjoyed working with children in the summer when I had to live at home. To be sure, my years working at a summer camp saved my life, and sparked my interest in education. I am certain of this, which makes me grateful for the happiness and sense of purpose the children brought into my life. I do not speak much about working with children in this particular summer camp beyond the superficial comments of how fun it was. The truth is, that summer camp holds such a special place in my heart that I find it hard to articulate how much it really means to me.

In early 2008, I finally hit bottom and broke down in front of my parents. The stress and emotional toll that the silence brought was starting to kill me. I was a shell of my former self. I told them everything. I explained how their son left his apartment once every few weeks to every two months, and learned to subsist by getting food delivered. I apologized for wasting their money, and for failing them. One of the most profound moments of my life came after I apologized. My father picked me up off the ground, wiped the tears from my eyes, and told me that the only thing lost was money and time, but that I was still here, still alive, and should be proud of that, not ashamed. From that moment on, I never allowed myself to feel like I was too weak to overcome this disorder.

It has not been an easy road, but the faith I placed in myself has helped me tremendously. I never completed my degree at Penn State, but I am proud to say that I am a recent graduate of the University of Pennsylvania who is currently pursuing a masters degree at the University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education. I am studying how institutions of higher education can do more to promote mental health awareness. I have a wonderful wife, and three beautiful children who have redefined what it means to be happy and to love unconditionally. There are indeed quite a few things in this world that are far more powerful than the destructive nature of bipolar disorder. Most of all, I have learned to stop hating who I am and what I suffer from, and began to love the face I see in the mirror, as well as the mind behind that face.

Although my own struggles with bipolar disorder prevented me from actively raising awareness over the years, I truly believe that my academic and professional work regarding mental health conditions, combined with my efforts to raise my voice and share my story, are in themselves forms of activism and resistance to the stigma associated with living with bipolar disorder. I learned that my lived experience, combined with what I learned throughout the past 20 years, can effectively be used toward making the lives of others like me thrive. No one should ever make others feel like they are not worthy of love or acceptance, or loving and accepting themselves. Loving oneself is a radical act. Loving oneself is an act of resistance in a world where so many forces seek to make groups of people feel lesser. There is much work to do….