#nothing that happens in these audios so far is anywhere to the level of the war in heaven but that's the problem with the time war | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pumpkinpaix · 5 years ago

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HI! I'm new to the MDZS fandom and I fell in love with Suibian, but you don't see it that much. I seen somewhere that it would burn out a weaker core and I cried cause I wanted to see that, and as far as I know it doesn't happen anywhere. I'm wondering if you could tell me anything and everything you know about Suibian. I'm starving for anything about it

hi anon! ahahah, it’s always a dangerous thing to ask me about “anything and everything” on a topic because I usually have too many thoughts, most of which are unorganized. but! if you’re interested in that, then here we go!

First, re: your comment about Suibian burning out a weaker core: I am not aware of this theory (or is it something from an interview?? if someone knows, please say so!), but if it brings you joy, then it’s certainly an interesting one to consider! Unfortunately, I don’t have much more to say on it because I’m unfamiliar with it, but I do have quite a lot to say on some other Suibian concepts!

ask and ye shall receive (a very jumbled heap of thoughts as i spiral further and further out of control):

[all rough translations are mine, and thus all mistakes are mine. I am using the version of the novel that is available on luoxia because I can’t be bothered to go flipping through my print edition ahaha.]

the questions about Suibian that interest me the most are why it sealed, when it sealed, when Wei Wuxian began to wield it again, and what that might all mean. I’m going to be talking about novel, CQL, and audio drama canon all together, because I think looking at each canon alone and in combination can raise a lot of very different points!! (I have not watched the donghua or read the manhua yet, so forgive me, I have nothing to say about them. /o\)

So! the one piece of information that we’re given consistently throughout all three of the canons is that Suibian was sealed after Wei Wuxian’s death and that no one but Wei Wuxian himself (and Jiang Cheng, by proxy) could draw it from its sheathe. Thus, Wei Wuxian’s identity is revealed and the golden core swap comes to light. Wei Wuxian is surprised by this, and asks Lan Wangji, “Did it really seal itself?” (novel, chapter 63; CQL, ep 42; audio drama, S2E15).

The novel and audio drama both include a line from Wei Wuxian that emphasizes Wei Wuxian’s surprise, implying that sword-sealing is very uncommon:

万中无一的大好事竟然让我给撞上了

Something incredible that happens less than once per ten thousand times, and I actually encountered it.

the irony, of course, is that this incredible thing is what ended up blowing his cover. rip Wei Wuxian.

but what I think gets really interesting is comparing different points at which Suibian sealed itself and what that might imply in conjunction with other information. Jin Guangyao says “shortly after” his death, but CQL includes a scene in episode 19 that implies that Suibian actually sealed itself much earlier.

[ID: Gif from episode 19 of the untamed drama. Lan Wangji attempts to draw Suibian after he and Jiang Cheng storm the Nightless City and retrieve their swords. He cannot pull it from the sheathe. /end ID]

(in case anyone is curious, it’s about 30 minutes in. I spent the effort to make the gif, so I might as well give you the timestamp lol)

this scene takes place during the period of time when Wei Wuxian is in the Mass Graves (aka the Burial Mounds) after Wen Chao cast him down and left him for dead, right near the beginning of Sunshot. I’m fairly certain it’s not mentioned in either the novel or the audio drama, so this is a CQL-only detail. (please correct me if I’m wrong; I get my canons muddled all the time //hides face)

CQL basically does nothing narratively with this scene other than giving us some sad shots of Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng (honestly, valid ;A;) but!! if we decide to accept this scene as our jumping off point, we can get to some interpretations about Wei Wuxian using information from the other canons!

take this exchange from chapter 57 of the novel (immediately prior to the massacre at lotus cove):

江澄道：“还不是又为咱们的剑的事去温家了。一想到我的三毒现在说不定被哪只温狗握在手里，真是……”

他面露嫌恶之色，魏无羡道：“可惜咱们的剑还不够灵，要是能自动封剑，那就谁也别想用了。”

江澄道：“你再修炼个八十年，说不定可以。”

Jiang Cheng said, “He’s gone to the Wen sect regarding our swords again, hasn’t he. Whenever I think that my Sandu might even now be in some Wen-dog’s hands, ugh…”

His face filled with loathing, Wei Wuxian said, “What a pity our swords don’t have enough spirit. If they could seal themselves, then no one could even think about using them.”

Jiang Cheng said, “If you kept cultivating for another eighty years, maybe.”

from the novel, it seems clear that sword-sealing is something that only happens when a person’s cultivation level is exceptionally high. if this is true, and we go with the CQL timeline of Suibian sealing itself long before Wei Wuxian’s death, it means that Wei Wuxian’s cultivation level wasn’t just high, it was leagues above pretty much anyone else when he was still a teenager. (In fact, Suibian had most likely already sealed by the time this conversation takes place.)

If we don’t go with CQL’s timeline, however, I think we could make a very different argument. It’s a bit of a reach, but I think it’s a lot of fun, if you’re willing to come with me on this journey!

Jin Guangyao says Suibian sealed itself “shortly after” Wei Wuxian’s death, but we don’t really have external confirmation of that. For all we know, someone only bothered to test it sometime after his death, and Suibian had been sealed for some indefinite amount of time. All we can say for sure is that by some point shortly after Wei Wuxian’s death, Suibian was already sealed and resisted being drawn by anyone who tried it.

We’re told over and over that one can only wield a spiritual sword effectively if you have a golden core/the spiritual energy to match it. Wei Wuxian stops carrying/using Suibian because he knows that in his hands, it will act as nothing more than an ordinary sword. His method of cultivation is no longer suitable for the sword. Suibian is tied to both Wei Wuxian’s soul and his golden core.

If sword-sealing only happens when the cultivator’s level is unbelievably high, then I think we can make the argument here that by the time of his death, Wei Wuxian’s core was likewise unbelievably strong – but Wei Wuxian is no longer the one developing his core. Jiang Cheng is.

I know it’s a ridiculous reach. To be clear, I don’t think the text actually intends this or supports this in any meaningful way, but I do think that it gives us some very tasty potential!! If Suibian sealed itself sometime after the core transfer (which, honestly, we wouldn’t know – after all, who’s been trying to draw Wei Wuxian’s sword?), but just if, I think we can plausibly make the argument that Jiang Cheng’s cultivation is truly extraordinary.

:DDDDDDDD

It’s fun right?? It’s a fun concept!!! Even if it’s nonsense, even if it’s not that deep, even if this was an unintentional coincidence, I think it would be interesting to look at this as being some kind of measure of Jiang Cheng’s accomplishments. On the flip side, I also think it’s very important thematically that Jiang Cheng’s value as a person has nothing to do with his cultivation, that he is, in fact, always second-best, but that doesn’t make him any less worthwhile or deserving of love. Maybe I’m just projecting lmao. Of course, being extraordinary doesn’t preclude him from still lagging behind Wei Wuxian–Wei Wuxian might have just been more extraordinary ahahah. We can have both!!

Now for a totally different thing! Interestingly, this conversation about cultivation levels and sword-sealing (the one with Jiang Cheng) also happens in the audio drama, S2E12 (about 15 minutes in, since I just checked), but Wei Wuxian adds an additional comment:

(don’t have the transcription of the original chinese, I’m just going to translate it as I hear it)

“But maybe you don’t need to cultivate to a certain level to have your sword seal itself. What if there were some other way?”

these two versions of the conversation actually imply pretty different things, I think! this addition opens the possibility to the audience that sword-sealing is possible even without an extraordinary level of cultivation, and I think lends credence to the idea that Suibian is just an unusually loyal sword, regardless of Wei Wuxian’s cultivation level. Whether that’s something inherent to Suibian’s “personality”, or whether this says something about how Wei Wuxian inspires loyalty wherever he goes, or whether it just speaks to the strength of their bond remains to be seen.

(obviously, this could imply any number of other things as well, but I find this to be the interpretation that makes me happiest.)

If we go with “Suibian seals itself after Wei Wuxian’s death” in this canon, I think this emphasizes the loyalty aspect with a touch of grief.

If we combine this with CQL and have “Suibian has been loyal since he was a teenager”, that also emphasizes the loyalty aspect – just in a different way.

Of course, doing meta combining unique details from different canons is largely pointless in terms of crafting any real “analysis”, so I’m mostly saying all of this because I enjoy the process of building the supercanon in my head that brings me the most joy! To summarize the varied interpretations I’ve brought up in this post:

CQL-only: Suibian sealed itself when Wei Wuxian was a teenager, at latest, by the time he was thrown into the Mass Graves.

Novel-only: Sword-sealing is very rare and achievable only through extraordinarily high cultivation. Shortly after Wei Wuxian’s death, Suibian is discovered to have sealed itself, so Wei Wuxian’s core, by the time of his death, was extraordinarily powerful.

Audio drama-only: Sword-sealing is considered very rare and achievable only through extraordinarily high cultivation, but might also be accomplished by other methods. Shortly after Wei Wuxian’s death, Suibian is discovered to have sealed itself. If Wei Wuxian’s core is not wildly and improbably powerful, this implies that Suibian has become an exceptionally loyal sword by the time of his death.

CQL/novel: Wei Wuxian was already incredibly powerful by the time he was a teenager.

CQL/audio drama: Suibian has been exceptionally loyal to Wei Wuxian since at least his teenage years.

Novel and audio drama-only have a much wider range of when Suibian could have sealed itself, as mentioned, so there are further variances within those interpretations.

there’s a lot of potential here!! with my personal feelings regarding the story, I like novel-only with Suibian sealing post-core transfer, audio drama-only with Suibian sealing post-Wei Wuxian’s death, or CQL/audio drama with Suibian sealing as a teenager pretty much all equally. I think the CQL/novel interpretation gets too close to casting Wei Wuxian as a hyper-special and innately noble individual in a way that undercuts the strength of his character arc, but that’s my opinion. (As an aside, this is actually one of my major complaints about CQL in general, independent from what I’m talking about here. But that is a topic for another day ahahaha. To be clear, I still love CQL very much, despite my many frustrations!)

As for what I think is the most “likely” to be the “right” interpretation (whatever that’s worth), I would probably say the one that emphasizes Suibian’s loyalty with Suibian sealing post-death, because I think it’s the most thematically cohesive and has the textual support to back it. (I think it’s a valid interpretation even using novel-only text; it’s just slightly less explicit without the additional comment from Wei Wuxian.)

A final detail:

We don’t get anything from either CQL or the novel that explicitly addresses when/if Wei Wuxian is able to wield Suibian again, but the audio drama’s rendition of the “Yunmeng” extra very subtly indicates that by the time that extra takes place, Wei Wuxian has cultivated a golden core and is carrying his sword once more. You only get it at a couple of moments, but Suibian sometimes clinks when Wei Wuxian moves or when he bumps into something. The two instances I can remember specifically are when Lan Wangji tosses the ring onto him (the ring hits Suibian), and when he’s rowing the little boat onto the lotus pond and the motion makes a sound. It’s!!! Extremely good!!! It makes my heart very full!!!!!

ANYWAYS, if all of my scattered rambling didn’t fill the Suibian-shaped hole in your heart, I would also like to recommend @zeldacw‘s wonderful WangQingSuiChen series of comics, featuring anthropomorphized versions of Wangji guqin, Chenqing, Suibian, and Bichen. I believe the most recent comic is here, and there are links to the rest of the comics in the post. If you just want her general tag for the AU (which is more than just the comics), it’s here!

If you have interest in listening to the audio drama yourself, you can purchase it through the MissEvan app (Mao’er FM). There are buying instructions linked in this post! If you need English subtitles, @suibiansubs is the group that does them. :)

I really can’t recommend the audio drama enough, tbh, it’s really really dear to my heart, and the team clearly worked so hard and cared so deeply for the story they were trying to tell. Consider this my regularly scheduled plug for the audio drama ahaha.

As always, my meta is my meta and if you don’t vibe with it, that’s chill! I change my opinions constantly (I think I changed them like three times in the course of writing this ahahaha), and I know some of my older meta has been making the rounds and every time I see it I think about all the ways my views have shifted since I wrote it rip. For this post moreso than usual, I want to emphasize that pretty much all of the meta included in this is meant to explore intriguing what-if possibilities, not for serious literary analysis purposes. I am aware that a lot of this is reaching/overinterpreting into implications that probably aren’t there. I just think they’re fun to consider!

so this was a mess, but I hope you or someone out there enjoyed it anon!!

(ko-fi, if you’re so moved)

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its-afucking-mess · 3 years ago

Text

A little guide on ao3 (by an ao3 user and writer)

Friendly reminder for mobile users! Ao3 is a website. It doesn't have (as far as im concerned) an official app for mobile, so better get comfy with using crome on your phone.

Some video links ill leave for people who prefer video and audio:

- navigating the fanfiction sites

- popular fandom terminology part 1 and part 2

- shipping etiquette

i really reccomend coley's videos if you want to get to know more fandoms, or get an inside look to how some stuff works. There also might be more vids about fandom's and fan works, so don't hesitate to look through some of her stuff!

the explaining under the 'read more' ao mutuals wont kill me :)

(also tagging @ethanesimp since they asked for this advice )

So, what is Ao3 really?

Ao3 is a website made by fans for fans. There are no ads, and all content is free on Ao3. Anyone can post (with some age restrictions) and they can post anything.

How can I browse Ao3?

Ao3 does not require an account to view stories. You can easily browse as an anonymous user. You just are not able to view certain works, as creators have the ability to show their works to registered users only. Some cases, commenting is possible while anonymous, but again, it's up to the creator of the work.

If you want to be a creator and share works, you need an account.

An account also gives you the ability to bookmark works, so you can re-visit them, mark works for later, keeps a history of the works you've visited and allows you to favourite tags.

How do I get an Ao3 account?

When you first open the site, it gives you the option to "Get Invited". An invitation will be sent to your email anywhere from 24hrs later to a week later, depending on the amount of people in the automated queue.

After the invitation, you are able to set up your account like any other social media account. Pick a username, pseuds (name), description and bio. You can have a profile picture as well.

How do I navigate the site?

There are few ways to do so efficiently, but there's countless of ways you can experiment with to find which is more comfortable.

1st option: As the website loads, you can go to the 'Fandoms' tag.

Then, after clicking on it, this column appears. Through there, you can pick which media your fandom is from and from there, browse the huge list of different fandoms until you spot your own.

The list is in alphabetical order, so if your fandom begins with an "C", it shouldn't be too far down.

2nd option: At the top right, under your profile, and the options 'Post' and 'Log Out' should be a white oval search bar.

(im using my own account for demonstration)

When searching, there are many ways to work around it.

Personally, I press search as it is. It will lead you to a page where all the fanworks of the site are listed. (i believe its easiest, but always feel free to experiment)

From there, you press the 'Edit Your Search' button, located near the top right.

It will then lead you to a page with multiple fields.

Don't panic when you see all the fields. Only half those are of interest when you want to browse works for a fandom.

The most important ones are those under the Field name 'Work Tags'

Whatever you select under this field will be included in the works the site presents you with.

What are the work tags? What do they do?

Lets go through the options.

Fandom(s): when typing on this option, multiple fandom names will autofill in a list under the white space. If your fandom shows up, you can just click on it.

example:

From there, you can select the fandom you want to see works from. If your fandom doesn't show up, it can mean one of two things:

-there are no works for it

-it isn't popular enough to be picked up by the algorithm

After selecting one fandom, you can select another fandom, or more, to see works that are crossovers over universes.

Ratings: Ratings are selected by author. It defines the level of maturity it has in the work

- General audiences is the tag you want to use when nothing bad happens in the work. No swearing, no sexual activities, no violence or gore. It wont contain scenes that minors are not allowed to see.

- Teen and up audiences is the tag used for most works on the site. It is what would be used when you have mentions of/vague sexual content or violence. Normally, the most extreme stuff on there is excessive swearing, heavy angst and hurt/comfort with no excessive details

- Mature is the tag that is for 18+. It is mostly filled with one of following : Violence, Sexual Content, Ab*se, R@pe, Death and SH.

Reader descretion is advised by looking at the additional tags the author has provided, especially for those with triggers.

- Explicit is like Mature, but contains more graphic content. Works rated explicit mostly fall under the 'Graphic depictions of sexual content', 'Graphic depictions of Violence and Gore' or 'Graphic depictions of Ab*se, R@pe, or Self H*rm

Reader descretion is advised, stronger than mature, since it can be much more triggering. The works are scarily detailed sometimes.

- Not rated: the author has not given this work a rating because none of the other ratings fit the work. Pay special attention to the tags.

Warnings: Also known as Archive warnings by older users. The trigger warnings of Ao3. There are 6 archive warnings:

-Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings: The author didn't use the warnings, either because none of them fit the work's theme and warnings, or to avoid spoiling the story. Pay attention to the tags for any warnings.

-Graphic Depictions Of Violence: It is pretty self explanatory. Can contain any sort of violence, from wars, to simple fights, to ab*se of any kind. Can and often contain death. The type of violence is in the tags.

-Major Character Death: A main character in the story will die in this work. Pay attention to the tags always. The name of the character will be mentioned, as well as the way they die.

-No Archive Warnings Apply: None of the warnings apply. It is most times a perfectly safe work. Check the tags to make sure though!

-R@pe/Non-Con: The work contains non-consensual activities. Ranges from non-consensua sex to non-consensual use and ab*se of substances. Very close attention to the tags!

-Underage: The main character(s) in this work are underage/minors. This is normally tagged along sexual content so be aware and pay close attention to the tags!

Categories: This regards the relationships in the work:

- M/M, or better known as mlm or a relationship between two non-woment (men mostly, can include characters under the non-binary umbrella)

- M/F, a heterosexual relationship (is inclusive of trans characters too!)

- F/F, or wlw, or a relationship between two non-men (women mostly, can include characters under the non-binary umbrella)

- Gen, no sexual or romantic relationships are in this work, or if there are any, they arent of main focus.

- Multi: Polyamorous relationships, or multiple relationships are included in this work (this is also where threesomes+ are tagged in sometimes)

- Other relationships: One of the two people in the relationship is non-human (mostly), or the relationships are platonic/family.

Characters: The characters you want to be included in the story. This works just like the 'Fandom' filter, so the same things apply. You can tag as many characters as desirable.

Relationships: The relationships that you want present in the work. This includes both major and minor relationships. It can also include ended relationships (tagged Past x/y) and implied/referenced relationships. This works just like the Characters and Fandom filter.

Additional Tags: These are things the author has included to give potential readers an insight to the story. 'Angst', 'Fluff' and 'Smut' are additional tags. Works like the Relationships filter, so all same applies.

Is there anything I have to avoid/ I should avoid?

There is this very infamous tag, 'Dead Dove: Do not eat.' This tag is a warining to readers that the things in the work are really messed up, and can include anything illegal in it. PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE REST OF THE TAGS IF YOU STILL ARE INTERESTED.

How else can I filter works?

You can choose how they are:

sorted (Titles, Authors, Hits, Kudos, Comments, Bookmarks, and Best Match)

the word count (from 1 word to millions)

the language (most are on there)

the amount of chapters

if the work is complete of not

when it last updated/when was posted

and if there are crossovers.

These are all options that author has to include, and therefore you can sort freely. Most are bulletin options you can click on.

What if I want to find a specific work?

If you happen to know one of these: Author, Title, Fandom or Rating, you will find it. If you were reccomended one, it's better to ask for the author or the title, to make looking for it easier.

Can I find a specific author/ user?

People search is for finding users on the site

Bookmark search helps you look through other people's public bookmarks. Not really used.

Tag search finds works that include this specific tag you searched. Also not used a lot.

People can see my bookmarks?

When bookmarking a work, you are able to do a lot.

if you do not want your bookmarks to be visible to the public, make sure to check off the Private bookmark box at the bottom left.

Common terms thrown around by Ao3 users:

-tags: the additional tags of the work

-kudos: liking a story

-bookmarks: saving/saved stories. makes it easy to revist. you can see your bookmarks from your profile

-hits: the amount of people that have clicked on a story. Isn't necessary they liked it, but they did click on it.

And those are the basics! If you had to take one thing only, its ALWAYS READ TAGS

I hope this helped the clueless souls even a bit :)

Im open to reply to any other questions, and you can send me them in my asks, messages or comments of this post

#sofi's advice #navigating ao3 #help #advice #ao3

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theres-no-protocol-for-this · 4 years ago

Text

The Dreamer

Two original characters, one of whom is a sentient ship and the other a CatUnit.

I found the dreamer by accident.

Inside a transport box in my cargo hold, an inert construct dreamed, and somehow its dreams leaked into the feed. I caught them like wisps of cotton candy and traced them back to their source.

I shielded myself from the dreamer, fearing that my presence in the feed anywhere in the vicinity of the being would disturb its fragile dreaming. The human-bot hybrid inside the box appeared unaware of my existence, connected to the feed only loosely through its autonomous interfaces. It wasn't awake so far as I could tell.

Back then, I knew almost nothing about constructs. The polity where I had been created strictly forbade their use and manufacture, so I had to query the public databases to learn more about them. The information, once I had processed and understood it, made me sick with revulsion and horror.

Constructs were sentient, as alive as any human, and enslaved. Governor modules controlled their words and actions. Inside those transport boxes, they were helpless — completely vulnerable and dependent on humans for continued survival. The practice was disturbing enough that most polities outside the Corporation Rim chose not to create constructs at all. A few had policies that designated them as high-level bots, but most didn’t want to tackle the philosophical ramifications of sentient and sapient machines.

New Tidelands was slowly grappling with these questions because of ships like myself, who were considered sentient in our own right and were, for all practical purposes, artificial minds. I appreciated the sentiment, but I’m a ship and hard to stop on the best of days. I have a debris deflection system that can put most any rail gun to shame.

In comparison, the dreamer in my hold was fragile and easily harmed.

***

I tried an experiment of sorts.

I have all kinds of video and audio of star systems, gathered over the course of dozens of long-range research projects done aboard my hull. I cropped together a brief glimpse of what I had seen and sent it to the dreamer.

Alongside those videos, I added emotional context — wonder, joy, curiosity. The construct’s feed readily accepted my messages, and moments later its dreams became those images and reflected back at me the associated feelings. The security unit’s vital signs improved as if it benefited from the calmer dreams.

I made a decision right then, about how I wanted to handle this situation. For one, now that I knew what a construct was, I felt obligated to help the one in my cargo bay — at minimum.

Using several drones, I moved the transport box from the hold into one of the crew cabins where I could hook it up to my MedSystem. It notified me that the SecUnit’s lungs were exhausted because it was receiving minimal life support — enough to survive, but not comfortably.

I adjusted the settings to human-friendly parameters inside the cabin and used a drone to open the transport box.

Without a command to wake it, the construct remained asleep but now it was breathing more palatable air in a more comfortable environment. It wore no armor that I could see, or much in the way of clothing at all. So I used a drone to slip a pillow under its head and cover it with one of the thick, human-grade blankets that my crew liked.

I also sent a message to Andrew and Martin, the captain of the ship and his second-in-command, letting them know about the dreamer. I wouldn’t see either of them for months, not until I finished this cargo run and returned to New Tidelands, but I wanted to keep them appraised. I didn’t hide things from my family.

I did forge records to indicate that the construct and its transport box were destroyed in a minor fire-related accident in the cargo bay. I knew that would incur insurance-related fees, but the ship’s incidentals account had more than enough currency to cover those costs. That’s why we had the fund in the first place because accidents happened sometimes.

With that out of the way, I looked up the particular details of the SecUnit’s history and got another shock. It had survived to near-human adulthood — a long time by SecUnit standards — and had been a ComfortUnit before that. It had seen a lot of combat in its life and a lot of pain.

I suspected that when this SecUnit woke up, it would need all the trauma treatment we could find.

Before I could wake it up, though, I needed to create a foundation that it could reasonably use. Since I’m sentient, the ship has no need of a HubSystem or a SecSystem — I do all of those roles and much more. But the construct’s governor would not understand me. Both the governor and the construct needed something familiar to connect with.

So while I sent more dreams to my newest guest, I also worked on creating a security system that it would recognize once it woke up. I didn’t want to replicate the designs available via the public databases because they were too restrictive, but they gave me ideas for how to create something comfortable that a SecUnit would still understand.

Meanwhile, the construct began to relax. The added oxygen was helping, as were the changes I made to its resupply fluid. Pleasant emotions bled into the feed just before it entered a non-dreaming sleep phase. I continued monitoring it while working on other projects.

Andrew’s reply came first. Are you all right, Traveler?

Uninjured and still projected to reach my next destination at the scheduled time, I answered readily. Then, I sent him images of the construct as well as its history and current physical state.

I know that you’re smart, Trav, and I trust your judgment about the SecUnit, but please exercise extreme caution. The captain sounded concerned. We’ll try to explore the legal ramifications of stealing corporate property while we await your return.

It’s a person, I said.

I know, Trav. I know. But in the Rim, it’s property and we need to be careful to make sure that we make everything as legally air-tight as possible.

Understood. I gave myself a metaphorical moment to absorb Andrew’s words. I’ll be careful.

Good.

After he signed off, I finished creating the SecSystem and activated it. Once it was integrated with my circuitry to my satisfaction, I figured I was ready to wake the construct and see what there was to see. I stopped thinking of it as a dreamer at some point and began considering it “crew”.

***

The construct woke up with a startled “mew” of a sound and its eyes flickered open. Up close, through the camera lenses of a drone, they were bright, blue eyes filled with confusion and concern. It probably hadn’t expected to awaken anywhere but its intended destination.

“Don’t get up just yet,” I told it even as I felt it connecting to my homebrew SecSystem. “My name is Trav. Short for Traveler, and I’m your client for the moment. Can you run some diagnostics for me? Make sure you’re not experiencing any glitches?”

The construct nodded and sent an acknowledgment to me over the feed. I could feel its hesitation in the feed despite its personal walls, so I added some of my walls around the construct’s mind and then backed off. It needed time to adjust, and I needed a moment to compose myself.

It’s one thing to meet a dreamer and a whole another thing to meet the newest crew member.

I'm not the first of my kind to make friends with a SecUnit. That dubious honor goes to the Perihelion. Nor am I the first to invite a construct on-board, another honor that belongs to braver ships. I've always been content to explore the star-lit darkness between worlds and deliver cargo.

Until I met the SecUnit.

The construct connected readily enough to my makeshift SecSystem and finished its diagnostics. Its cat-like ears twitched with every new sound — most of them my doing as I worked to adjust the life support systems to best match the construct's needs — and its tail swished hesitantly. I understood the uncertainty.

"I am not sure what information is most pertinent," I told it. "But the facts are as follows: you are aboard a starship. I will not be delivering you to your destination. I have temporarily frozen your governor module so that it cannot punish you for what I'm going to say. There are no humans on board, and I do not want a distance limiter to fry your insides."

What do you require?

"I don't require anything. I'm doing this because I want to."

You're a ship bot pilot.

"Yes, to some extent. I'm the entire ship."

#the murderbot diaries #fanfiction #my wriitng #original characters

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skz222 · 4 years ago

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nsfw alphabet (han jisung)

A - Aftercare (after sex treatment)

Jisung would (to much dismay) immediately pull out and grab your designated cum towel and wipe you down first (as always) making extra sure to get everything, and then himself. This has been standard from Day 1 as well as him always getting you a glass of ice water and your favorite snack, most of the time straight up hurriedly running out to the kitchen butt naked and coming back as fast as possible to make sure he can take care of you as fast as possible.

On days where you guys just have a quickie or morning sex a little too early in the morning, he’ll still make sure to wipe you off first but will just wrap you up and rub your head or back until you both fall back asleep together instead.

B - Body Part (his favorites)

On you, he absolutely loves your mouth and your thighs/hips. Your smile is his favorite during the day, but at night he more so loves what you do with your mouth, if you feel me. The duality of your sweet smile and the way you absolutely destroy him by doing the swallow technique while blowing him can never not be in the forefront of his mind whenever you get intimate. Your hips and thighs are self explanatory, he loves the way they looks especially when you’re riding him and when he’s hitting it from the back (especially since he loves to spread them hard).

On himself, his favorite is his hands. He’s not one to brag about it out loud but the way his ego goes through the atmosphere when he makes you cum just from his fingers and hands alone. He loves seeing your facial expressions especially right before you’re about to cum, it makes him dangerously close himself almost immediately. He also really loves being able to hold you down by your hips and your hands and he knows that you love it too. He knows that you love his hands and it makes him really take pride in them all the time not just in the bedroom.

C - Cum

He loves nothing more than to see you dripping with his cum, especially all over your face. It gets him off on such a deeply psychological level that you’re his entirely and to have you in such an intimate position to want him all over you, gets him off. Jisung prefers when you swallow when giving him head however, because he feels like you’re taking a part of him and it also feeds into him wanting you to be absolutely his. He does like to cum inside you as well though but does so more for pleasure’s sake and to feel the intimacy of it.

Best believe he is not going to just cum on your back or stomach, he wants it to be meaningful and always intimate when he finishes.

D - Dirty Secret

Honestly, he really, really wants (almost needs) to fuck you in the studio. Just straight up on the couch or even on the mixing board just out of nowhere. He thinks about it a lot but doesn’t really know how to go about asking you for something so public. The thought of having spontaneous sex all over the studio and recording it on the audio recording and having the other members be in there later without a clue in the world really satisfies a deep fantasy within Jisung that he only ever wants to do with you.

E - Experience

Jisung has only made out with one girl in middle school for like 20 seconds and it was horribly filled with way too much tongue and hormones. That’s as far as his experience with anything goes besides the standard porn but he almost always prefers using his imagination over actually watching other people, especially ever since he met you.

He probably won’t admit that he’s inexperienced unless you make it very clear to him that you’d prefer that or until later down the line when he knows he’s gotten you in the bag.

F - Favorite Position

It goes without saying that JIsung wants to look you in the eyes as he pounds into you. He loves holding down your hands or your hips (or both, both hands in one hand, holding down your hips with the other) and making heavy eye contact, if not unbroken eye contact.

In close second place however is from the back, with you laying down flat on your stomach, legs fully down and him pounding into you from behind. Ever since he heard the way this position makes you moan the loudest and in such a new way the first time you guys tried it out, he can’t stop himself from doing it at least every other time you guys have sex. You love the way he chokes you while holding your head into the mattress with one hand and pull your hair with the other; or the way he holds your hips down/holds both hands down with both hands absolutely is not lost on him and makes him go almost feral for you. It’s also his favorite to fantasize about for these reasons.

G - Goofy

Jisung is definitely more serious in the moment and focused on you and the moment, but if something happens that’s a little bit funny or sudden like one of your farts on accident or something he’s absolutely going to laugh a little with you. But best believe he’s getting right back to work afterwards.

Afterwards though, he’ll want to laugh and talk about it but he’d much rather be in the moment and super involved with you.

H - Hair

Definitely did not do anything until you came into the picture, like it was literally peak amazon rainforest down there and all, dampness included. Now he keeps it trimmed and shaves it down or all for special occasions.

He also doesn’t mind whatever you want to do with your hair, he just prefers it to be at least somewhat maintained and not too too long or unkempt, but otherwise he could not care less.

I - Intimacy

God there is nothing this man loves more than making each time feel like the first time for you. This doesn’t necessarily mean roses and candles everywhere every time but more so the attention to detail, the time he takes on you first and the passion he keeps during sex to make it very intimate. Even the dirty talk is very personal and sometimes sweeter than what you’d typically expect.

For special occasions though, he’s definitely going all out. The rose petals, the chocolates and candies, home cooked dinner courtesy of yours truly, everything. Anything that puts a smile on your face or makes you feel satisfied is all he wants because you do so much for him day to day.

J - Jack Off

Honestly he prefers to just wait for you or until he can see you again rather than please himself alone. The intimacy and sacredness he views sex together as is way more worth it, but he still does jack off from time to time, more so to remember the routine of it all and if he’s extra bored but not really for sexual gratification.

Also, at least not until a few years down the line at least, he would stop watching porn entirely or anything like that once you guys got together. More so because he wanted to establish that he didn’t want you to look at other guys to get off and he didn’t want to look at other girls.

K - Kinks

fingering (giving) - this ties back in to the hands thing from before and pleasing you. It’s also a bit of a power thing honestly. Anything with hands and holding you down is a yes from him.

spreading (giving) - he loves spreading open your pussy and just teasing you this way, and especially after just cumming inside of you. This also applies to spreading your ass and just playing with it this way to tease you and grab it as much as possible.

sir (receiving) - of course this man likes to be called sir. Even in regular day to day he loves it.

pinning (giving) - he just loves to pin you down and feel your every reaction to his movements in and outside of you. Feeling you squirm and unable to move under him is really, really satisfying for him.

L - Location

Anywhere semi-comfortable honestly, everything from back seat of a car to a couch (even the dorm living room couch) to the floor to the bed or a chair, anything.

M - Motivation

Wearing anything even semi-form fitting (especially things that hug your waist/hips) will get him so lowkey horny but he won’t say anything unless you give him a signal that you’re also feeling ready to go.

What gets him super ready immediately though is seeing you just out of the shower in just a towel or whenever you guys play fight. He most definitely uses play fighting/wrestling and tickling s a form of foreplay (this ties into the pinning/hands kink).

N - NO

Jisung would definitely not want to do anything too painful to you or him (no blood play, no knife play) physically or emotionally. He is also definitely not going to want any form of cuckolding, it’d make hi way too jealous and not in the “oh that makes me want to jealous fuck you” kind of way.

If you wanted to try anything new though that wasn’t too drastic from what you already do or have suggested then he’d definitely want to try it at least once. If it makes you really happy/gets you really off then he’ll want more.

O - Oral

He lovessss oral, both giving and receiving. He’s more of a fingering guy for you but he will give oral almost just as much honestly. Having your thighs squeezing his head lightly and wrapping his arms around your thighs is amazing to him. The experience is more satisfying in an intimate level for him but he also finds it amazingly sexy to look up and see your eyes rolling back and see you arching your back from down there.

Receiving of course is always a favorite and he’ll never deny your head. No matter if you switch it up, hands or no hands or anything of the sort, he’s always in love with it and the sensation. It also has to do with loving having you “serve” him in this way that makes him loveeee it no matter what you’re doing because you’ll always make him cum fast from head.

P - Pace

He loves to switch things up depending on the situation, but trust and believe it’s always deep strokes and he’s rarely just jackhammering your shit with no care in the world. It’s always deep and hitting, if you feel me.

Jisung prefers a bit of a faster pace but even within the same session with slow things down to a longggg drawn out pace just to purposely tease you or stop him from cumming fast.

Q - Quickie

Now this man loves a good quickie, especially when it’s comeback or tour season and he’s only got 20 minutes to see you and only 10 are for sex - but he usually views quickies as the prologue to a longer, normal sex session later or the next time he sees you.

Definitely prefers normal, longer sex but likes the slight thrill of being on a time crunch/having a time limit. If he doesn’t have enough time to make you cum at least twice though, he won’t even risk it.

R - Risk

Jisung is okay with just enough risk to make it exciting and fun/spontaneous but not enough to where a minor or a stranger could walk in on you guys and risk you being exposed like that.

Anything regarding the members being able to see or where they could possibly intrude is fine by him though since he knows they don’t really care and that you both trust them enough to get down and nasty in the dorm kitchen and have Hyunjin open his door and immediately close it and not even skip a beat.

S - Stamina

Honestly he can go multiple rounds in a day, but not back to back. 2 is the maximum regularly for back to back unless it’s been a little bit then 3 at most. Throughout a whole day though, saying you both have the whole house to yourselves or get lucky enough - definitely 5 to 6 times.

If he’s ever too tired to have actual full on sex from practice or just from the day, he’ll definitely make sure you cum in replacement until you’re tired out and your legs are literally indisposed and shaking that you can’t even walk to the bathroom and Jisung has to carry you bridal style.

T - Toys

Doesn’t own any for himself, but he likes to keep some of yours or gets identical ones of your personal ones at home in the dorm so he can use them on you from time to time to add some extra fun. Honestly you guys don’t really use them all that often, mainly just sporadically and when Jisung is more tired or it’syour birthday sex.

U - Unfair

Not too much of a tease because he knows how you like to keep things even and how almost unbearable it is for him when you tease him honestly. He loves reciprocity so if he’s just left with a boner until later or without anything else happening at all the rest of the day, it’ll nearly devastate the man. So e tries to be as fair as possible to you and only really teases when he’s letting you know tonight is going to be filled with alone time or he wants to go, right now.

V - Volume

He tries to be quiet, but honestly he just forgets and gets way caught up in the moment and just ends up being loud anyways even if there are people right next door or nearby. The breathing and moaning are definitely the loudest when he’s about to cum or when you respond back to his dirty talking or moan in response to something he did.

Considering he rarely notices other people around or remembers they’re even there as soon as things kick off even just foreplay, I’d say he’s overall just loud.

W - Wild Card

He instantly gets hard every time you pull your hair up. I’m talking immediately. He doesn’t realize it, but it’s because you always pull your hair up when you’re about to give him head so now he just literally gets this overwhelming need to back you up against a wall, pull your legs up to your ears and pound your shit to oblivion.

X - Xray

A solid 6.75 and it’s thicker in the middle but overall thicker than average girth the whole way down. Somewhere between grower and shower also.

Y - Yearning

This man could go anywhere, any time if we’re being honest but purely bases how much of this he shows based on how high your sex drive is. If you’re not in the mood, he’s not either. If you want to go 8 rounds, he’s going 8 rounds.

Only sometimes does he obviously need you and makes it known to you, but only once you guys have been together for a while so he knows he’s not making you uncomfortable or feel pressured or anything.

Z - ZzZ

Likes to sleep after you so he can take care of you and rub your back or play with you hair, etc until you fall asleep so he can take care of you first. He will rarely fall asleep first and that’s really only if he was already exhausted or if you’re planning on staying up way later or aren’t tired at all.

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dumbbitchenergy17 · 4 years ago

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Sign of the Beast Part 3

Series Masterlist

CROSSOVER - MARVEL X SUPERNATURAL

Summary- You wanted it to stop, you thought it was just a bad dream your brain created to mess with you. But how wrong you were, with this disease in you, can you get this beast out of you or let this darkness take over.

Pairing- Steve x Reader, Sam and Dean x Sister!Reader, Avengers x Winchester!Reader, Lucifer x Reader (Forced)

Chapter Warnings: Blood, violence, angst, hallucinations, attempted suicide (TW)

A/N: There is somethings that are triggering and you can skip if you are uncomfortable it will be label

Previously

“I’m sure you know me quite well let me give you a hint Sammy was a great vessel.” he hummed standing up and began pacing the room, your heart stopped when you realized who was in front of you.

“Lucifer..” you whispered.

He clapped his hands together “Bingo oh Y/n we are going to have so much fun.” he smirks making you shrink in on yourself. You had the Devil with you. You were as good as dead.

Steve had to turn around when the window turned back to a one-way he had to focus on his breathing as he heard your cries and bangs on the glass. A single tear went down his face and a hand on his shoulder caused him to tense.

“I know you don’t like this Steve neither do I but It’s what needs to be done to protect Y/n,” Dean said trying to comfort him as he seems to be making it worse. The cries stop causing Steve to turn and see her sitting on the ground and it seemed like she was talking to someone.

“What is happening?” Steve asked as Tony switched the audio on to hear what was happening.

“Stop it,” You whimpered, and a few seconds after you talked again, “Lucifer..” You whispered. Both your brothers and Cas froze hearing the devil’s name

“Can she see him?” Tony asked typing stuff down of everything that was happening.

“He has part of her soul; he is able to see and communicate with her anywhere and anytime,” Castiel explained watching you focus on empty space and then you keep talking.

“The only thing we can do now is wait until she goes all She-Devil or until we find some sort of cure, so Bruce and I will be done in the lab trying to find anything about this Angel boy could be a huge help” Tony pointed at Castiel who nodded.

“Tony, are you sure we can just leave her there without anyone watching?” Steve asked looking over to you and see you laying on the bed your back to the glass. He had no idea what was going through your head and just wanted to open the door and pull you into your arms.

“Friday is hooked up and is constantly monitoring her vitals and will alert me if anything happens.” Tony console your lover and then Tony turned over to look at your brothers “All we can do is wait and I’m sure you would want to be close so Steve you wanna set up a room for them.” Steve nodded and then Tony walked out and Cas followed him.

“I know Y/n was really excited for us to meet but then all this happened,” Dean said and Sam nodded.

Steve smiles “Yeah she would constantly talk about you guys and all the stuff that happened when you guys were younger.” Both your brother smiled and glanced over to you through the glass.

“Y/n is a Winchester she’s a fighter. The best thing we can do is look for anything about this sign.” Sam reassured both his brother and Steve. Dean nodded and with one last glance they all gave you one last look before leaving the cellar leaving alone with the devil.

It had been a few days since you had been in the cell all you had were the daily food brought in and your thoughts but even then you weren’t alone. Lucifer had been a constant, pacing around the room and was now leaning against a wall, and bouncing a ball the repeating ping was slowly taking over the only sound in your head.

“Please stop it.” You sigh sitting up from your bed and looking over to the Devil as he caught the ball and smirked in your direction

“I wouldn’t be so bored if we weren’t in here.” He threw the ball again and you grabbed it before it could hit the wall again.

“And whose fault is it exactly?” You grunted throwing the ball back to him and it vanished before it hit his chest. Lucifer stood up and stretched his bones cracking and popping back into place.

“Yours. You’re the one that said yes,” he taunted you looked down at your shoes and shook your head, “No you tricked me.”

“You saw how they look at you, you tried to kill their little captain, look where you are,” He waved his arms around the room making you wrap your arms around yourself trying to make yourself smaller, “They fear you. And they should you can kill them in one snap of your finger. They see you as what you are.” his hand grabbed your shoulder behind you making you jump “You are nothing but a cold-blooded killer, a monster.” he pushed you and you stumbled into the middle of the room.

“Stop it.” You yelled and around you, the avengers appear in front of you as well as your brothers.

“Killer, Murder, Disgrace!” They yell pushing you into one another until you fall to the ground.

“I said STOP!” You threw your hands out and all the visions flew back and faded to shadow.

“There it is! That fire that power, you wanna stop you know what do.” He smirked seating himself on the bed as you felt this red hot fire flood through your veins. You look back up at the mirror and stare back at Lucifer in the reflection. Those red eyes glowing the reflection changes and you are staring back at yourself red only red

“Do It.” He whispers next to your ear, you twitch your head, and the cameras and lights spark before the entire tower shakes and the tower goes dark alarms blaring red emergency lights flash. Red it was filled in red.

“More..” he smirked. You raise your hand and throw your hand into the mirror and it cracks as it begins to splinter from your first punch the tower shakes again. You throw your fist again and the one-way window shatters glass shards falling into both room as the alarms blare through the tower and every once in awhile a tremor would go through the tower.

“You know what to do give them a warning.” He grins

TRIGGER WARNING START

You kneel down and grab a sharp shard gripping it in your hand not feeling it pierce your hand blood pouring from your hand. Rising up you make your way to the opposite wall from the window and bring the glass down to your wrist and turn back and stare back at the devil, both your eyes glow red and he grins sadistically.

“Go on.” He said leaning the glass to your wrist and a flash of pain go through you but you don’t react pressing hard as blood streams from your wrist. Making an identical slash on your other wrist letting the bloody glass fall from your hand and begin to write. The devil stepping back and watch everything with a grin on his face.

TRIGGER WARNING END

Most of the avengers and your brothers sat in the common room it had been fixed after everything happens, no one had really moved surrounded by books and computers opened trying to find anything to help you. Steve had bags under his eyes sleep had never reached him he was constantly up not being able to sleep when you were locked up.

“Anyone got anything.” Natasha asks only getting grunts and sighs there was any lore or information of the Sign of Beast on how to is got there and how to get it off.

“We’ve looked almost all the books and articles on the internet and in the bunker, the only people who know about this is Lucifer and God. With God m.i.a. and Lucifer not going to say anything we have nothing.” Dean sighed placing his book down rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“We need sleep and food and we and we can look at this again with fresh eyes.” Sam suggested the other avengers nodded and began to stand up when Bruce, Tony, and Castiel walked in all three looking just as tired as they were

“Anything?” Dean asked only to get frowns Tony runs his hands down his face yawning

“We have looked through every historical text and angel boy went up to heaven and asked around and found nothing, so we are back at square one.” he sighed walking over to the bar and making himself a drink. Steve clenched his jaw and closed his eyes and try to keep his cool.

“Same here, there is nothing on this sign.” Bucky said as Natasha tried to comfort his best friend who still hasn’t move on the couch.

Friday voices cut through the silence making everyone straighten up “Sir I’m sorry to interrupt but there se-” her voice cuts off as the tower shakes making everyone grab onto something.

“What the hell!” Dean yells

“Friday! What’s going on.” Tony yelled trying to contact his AI

“I-I’..ry..-ere..is powegri- destro-” The AI tries to speak but static fills the speakers making everyone freeze another shake goes through the building and all the lights explode causing sparks to rain down onto them the emergency lights turned on flashing red.

”Y/n..” Dean whispers making Steve stand up

“Clint, Natasha get everyone out from the upper levels. Wanda, Sam, and Thor create a perimeter around the tower and make sure everyone around the tower gets as far away from it. If this goes down we don’t want any injuries,” Steve goes into Captain mode immediately creating a plan, “Winchesters you, Tony, and I are going to Y/n. Everyone else get as many people out as you can of the tower.” Everyone nods rushing off to their assignments and Steve your brothers and Tony rush down the stairs to get the cells. “Please me ok Y/n.” Steve mumbled to himself by the time they made it stopping once or twice to help get people out of the building as the tower shook

“Tony where are these tremors coming from.” Sam yelled as the tower shook again. Tony tapped on the glasses scanning through the Tony and he stiffens.

“It’s from the cellar.” He watched as your brothers and Steve froze as well. You were doing this “I guess the She-Devil is out.” Tony said as part of his suit attached to him. They passed by the weapons room and Steve grabbed his Shield and tossed both Sam and Dean each a gun as they made their way closer to the cellar. The door was locked and with no power, Tony shot down the door causing it to blast off the wall and they rushed in ready for a fight.

“What the hell.” Tony gasped when he saw the broken glass the computers destroyed sparks flying off.

“Y/n?” Steve called out as the emergency lights flashed every so often

“Oh my god.” Dean choked out looking into your cell. When the lights flashed again the red lights you turned around and stared back at them covered in blood a smirk on your face, your eyes glowing red like before.

“Y/n..” Steve croaked out tears filling his eyes you turned your focus onto him a smile growing on your face, and then the red disappeared from your eyes and you looked disoriented and you felt pain in your wrist and saw blood, looking back up at Steve you saw he had fear in his eyes.

“Steve…” You mumbled and a wave of dizziness went through you and you felt your body go cold as you heard your name being called out as you fell darkness taking over.

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anon-e-miss · 4 years ago

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Ooo! For the prompts what about "Oh look, it's alive." (If it hasn't been done already)

“Oh look, it’s alive.”

Prowl felt the tip of a ped nudge his side.He did not move. Let the think he as incapacitated and when the moment was right he would make his move. His frame ached, unsurprisingly. The blow to his helm had not corrupted his memory. He had fallen. The ground beneath him had opened up and he had fallen down and down. Everything hurt but there was no agony, Prowl hoped this meant his doorwings had been spared. For the second time in a mega-cycle Prowl felt servos that were not his own rooting through his subspace.

“Ric, if ya don’t get yer servos off o’m y’re gonna lose’em.”

“Jazz? What the fraggin’ Pit are ya doin’ here?”

“Got into trouble in Darkmount. Now ‘m tryin’ to get back to Iacon. Figured I’d stop in at the shop since the fragger broke my visor.”

“This fragger?“

“No! Now back off. Ya know ya could actually tell me when ya go plantin’ new traps.”

“Cons have been sniffin’ ‘bout more. Tryin’ to give’em the impression this is just a real tricky cave, ‘n not worth their trouble.”

“Staniz is playin’ a dangerous game.”

“Aren’t we all?”

The invading servos pulled away and were replaced by Jazz’s. He did not probe about Prowl’s subspace but checked him for damage. Prowl onlined his optics. For a moment he was afraid he was blind as he saw nothing but blackness but Jazz leaned over his face. Those white optics glowed, the only light in the darkness. It was eerie. Their glow was bright enough that Prowl could see Jazz’s mouth turn up in a smile.

“Ya a’ight, Prowl?”

“I believe so.”

Jazz helped him to his peds. Prowl tested his doorwings and was relieved to find they were intact. His optics saw only darkness but when he softly clicked his glossa, Prowl’s doorwings saw a little more, and as the echo faded Prowl began to commit the shape of the cave to his memory. It was imperfect. Echolocation was not in the curriculum of the enforcers. Prowl had learned it from his originator, just as he had learned to break out of stasis cuffs.

“My ‘creators’ll have a medkit ‘n we can see to all these dents. Lucky ya didn’t fall on yer back.”

“It was not luck,” Prowl replied. “I turned.”

“Clever. Ya’ve spent more time studyin’ Circuit-Su than I thought.”

“I am out of practice.”

“Maybe we can work on that.”

That would be good. Prowl had not trained with a partner since he and Tumbler had parted ways. He did not trust. His procreators had taught them the importance of this. They had been right. Every time he had trusted someone it had been a disaster. But sparring with Jazz did not require real trust. He was not taking the mech into his berth or into his spark. As he walked alone, with Jazz’s arm around his waist, Prowl ached, and right knee creaked. Prowl felt sticky liquid leak between the gaps in his armour.

“What’re yer levels like?”

“40%. I have a leak in my leg. I have diverted the flow.”

“I hope ya don’t expected me to apologize,” Ric said. His red visor glowed eerily in the darkness. Did they always wear them? Even when they were in their natural environment.

“No,” Prowl replied.

“Yes,” Jazz said. Ric snorted. There was no apology.

The tight passages opened up into a great cavern and it glowed under the soft light of thousands of crystals. It was still too dark for Prowl to see clearly, but it was more like the dark-cycle than total darkness. They passed mechanisms, some wearing visors like the one Jazz generally wore. Those that did not stared at them with white optics. Stared at him, Prowl thought. More than Jazz or Ric. No one troubled them. He supposed that was a blessing. They came to a row of habsuites carved out of the rock, Ric started up the stares. Prowl was not thrilled, but he followed. Jazz did not give him much of an option. At the top of the long staircase, Ricochet held the door. As Jazz ushered Prowl through, three mechs stood up.

“Jazz!” The tallest of the three was mostly yellow, at least Prowl thought he was. The light was dim. “What trouble have ya drug up now?“

“Just a friend. Got me outta Darkmount, then he got caught in one o’ Ricochet’s traps.”

“Your brother and Geni have been digging like a couple Dwellers the last few weeks. At least they have added the acid bath yet.”

“Pit’s sake,” Jazz grumbled. “Worn me before ya set up lethal traps, would ya?”

“Sit’m down ‘n introduce me. We’ll see if we gotta bring Fixit in.”

“Thanks, Ori. Is Geni ‘round. The fragger took my visor before he got distracted.”

“Ric, why don’t ya find yer genitors. Neither o’em would be happy if they missed Jazz.”

“Sure.”

Prowl sat quietly as the kinsmech spoke around him. He heard them speak, but did not follow the conversation. As often happened, he was distracted by his own thoughts. If the Decepticons actually knew Staniz existed under the desert, not so far from Darkmount, the underground village would have been blown to the pit. They would not need to enter the village, or even properly locate it. As long as the coordinates were anywhere close they need only drop one of the bombs they had dropped on Praxus to obliterate the caves and everything and everyone in them. Were there other communities like this, hidden underground, living out of sight as Autobots and Decepticons tore Cybertron apart over their helms.

“He’s burnin’ up.” A servo touch his helm, feeling almost shockingly cool. Prowl brought his optics back into focus. It was not Jazz, it was... his originator.

“He’s been burning through coolant. Prowl what’re yer levels at.”

“30%.”

“Ya burned or leaked out 10% in half a joor. Ori, mind if I raid your stores?”

“Have at it. Prowl? ‘M gonna open up yer leg ‘n see where the leak is.”

“I appreciate your assistance.”

“Ya got manners. Jazz must drive ya crazy.”

“He puts a concerted effort into it.”

“Ha!” Jazz replied. “Two cubes, Prowl. Drink’em ‘n we’ll see where that puts ya.”

“Put a cold compress on his helm too. I think that’s where the trouble really is.”

“Ya think he’s got a leak in his helm? Frag!”

“No. I think he’s got a glitch givin’m some grief.”

“A glitch? Prowl?”

“I will not crash,” Prowl said, feeling defensive. They called him a glitch and a drone. These were just insults, they did not really know. Not even Ratchet knew. Jazz laid a compress over Prowl’s helm and sat down next to him. He helped Prowl drink the coolant.

“If ya do, ya do. We’re safe enough. How ‘n the fraggin’ Pit did I not know you had a glitch.”

“I don’t imagine anyone knows, do they, Prowl?” Punch said. His tone was gentle, so were his digits as he probed Prowl’s knee.

“No.”

"Not even Ratchet?” Jazz asked.

“No.”

“He’s gonna have yer platin’.”

“I found the leak,” Punch said, Prowl scarcely nodded, not wanting to disturb the cool cloth, it was a considerable relief. “I can patch it. Just relax.”

“Ratchet does not need to know,” Prowl said. It sounded too much like a plea to Prowl’s own audios. Even if that was what it was.

“Don’t ya need maintenance sometimes?”

“I manage.”

“Ya know it ain’t a big deal, Prowl. Red’s got a glitch ‘n no one cares.”

“It’s an old habit, ain’t it Prowl?” Punch asked. “Hidin’. Ya emerge wit it?”

“Yes.”

“Yer procreators knew.”

“They discovered it when I was a newling.”

“They must o’ been scared.”

“The assassinated the medic who made the diagnosis before he could report it to Central Health.”

“Hold up,” Jazz said. “Why’d they go that far?”

“Praxus had laws, Jazz,” Punch explained. Prowl wondered how he knew. “No matter the age if a defect was uncovered, they were ‘sposed to be reported to the state to be “managed”. Sometimes managed meant euthanasia, sometimes it meant repairs, or mnemosurgery.”

“The nature of my glitch would have required my processor all but be replaced in its entirety. My procreators could not tolerate the thought. They hid my defect well. I was home schooled, and trained to manage my glitch. I did well. Until I crashed during an enforcer exercise and my partner reported me to the CH. We were all arrested. I was detained in an CH facility to be “corrected”. My procreators broke me out and got me to Rodion. They went back for my brother but they were recaptured.”

“‘M sorry,” Jazz said. “When ya said not all cultures criminalize defects, ya were speakin’ bout yer past. He did not know.”

“Not then. I refused to allow him to perform mnemosurgery on me. He believed I could be fixed. He was angry I was too prideful to allow it.”

“Ya don’t need to be fixed. In Rodion ‘n Iacon they’d say I outta replace my optics wit standard issue blue ones so I would need to worry ‘bout visors. ‘M not effectively blind because my optics are bad. ‘M effectively blind ‘cause my optics are too good. ‘M thinkin’ yer processor’s the same.”

“That is an adapt comparison.”

“Let’s test yer knee,” Punch said. Prowl bent and straightened it as ordered. “Good. Give’m another cube o’ coolant. Just be safe. That’s how ya stop yerself from crashin’ too much, ain’t it. Ya go through coolant.”

“An obscene amount. I pay out of my own account. I am not stealing from the Autobots...”

“Takin’ what ya need to function ain’t stealin’. Ya ‘n me’ll see Ratchet when we get back. Maybe ya outta get some medgrade added to yer rations. I know Red does.”

“Okay.”

Prowl did not know why he wanted to cry. No. That was not true, he knew exactly why. He was utterly overwhelmed and utterly exhausted and having anyone care even this much was more comfort that he had been allowed in vorns and vorns. Since Praxus had been destroyed, Prowl had wondered what had become of his procreators, he had not felt the bonds break. Now he knew, and there was no peace knowing, only helplessness and guilt.

“I suppose yer procreators didn’t make it out,” Jazz said, softly as he placed another cube of coolant into Prowl’s servos.”

“Barricade broke them out before the bombing. They are detained. He could not convince them to enlist. He has kept them prisoner all this time. That was why he wanted me to defect. He thought that was the push that they would need.”

“Fraggin’ aft,” Jazz hissed. “He didn’t tell ya where?”

“No.”

“No matter. We’ll figure it out. ‘N we’ll spring them ourselves.”

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dailyaudiobible · 3 years ago

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08/24/2021 DAB Transcript

Job 12:1-15:35, 1 Corinthians 15:29-58, Psalms 39:1-13, Proverbs 21:30-31

Today is the 24th day of August welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is great to be here with you today as we come together and take the next step forward through the Scriptures through this month and through this year through our lives. We are obviously in the book of Job right now, making our way through. Things have started to get heated up in the conversation between Job and his friends. He’s been very much pouring out his heart and saying how he feels and confessing that he's confused and frustrated and in pain and anguish and depressed. His friends have tried to comfort him, but he's kinda stickin’ to his story. And the thing that he believes, you know, is making him so depressed and it’s not only the tragedy that he's experienced, but why, right, why is God judging him, which is what he believes, that what has happened to him has happened at God's hand and he doesn't know why and he would like to be told. Like he would like an audience with God to be told. Of course, his friends are like, you know, you did something wrong and you need to humble yourself. And when he won't listen to that that's kinda what's got them upset at him. And, so, we continue today with Job 12 through 15.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the book of Job, we should be seeing kind of where the rub is, or where the tension is. He's not like…Job's fighting with his friends who had come to comfort him. And they are trying to comfort him, but they have…they are at an impasse of their understanding. Job believes God is righteous, just, true, merciful, good, holy, all of these things. And, so, do his friends. They all leave this about God. So, where they have divergent paths is why this is happening to Job. Job believes he is innocent and doesn't deserve this suffering. He is confused. So, he believes in a righteous and just God, but he also in himself believes that he has been honorable and righteous before God. And, so, that this perceived judgment from God is unwarranted and he would like answers. His friends also believe God is righteous and just and cannot find an equation, right, some kind of formula that would work for God to be harsh upon Job if he didn't deserve it. So, in a matter of speaking, we have human beings arguing about God's justice. Imagine that. So, Job's friends don't really have a grid for impartiality, which is one of the things that Job is complaining about and he knows it. He knows like he's the only one that thinks he's innocent and no one else is an advocate, like nobody else is there. And his friends they...they don't have a grid for God to be doing what Job is claiming and they have no way to just be impartial and go, well, let's argue this out then because their sense of God's justice is deeply, deeply ingrained, just as deeply as it is and to Job. And, so, they have to defend God. And Job even knows that if he could get an audience with God what would…what will he say? Like he's got his case prepared, but God's wisdom and might and power, like so far beyond any human capability. What's he gonna say? Everything he says is gonna to get rebutted and he knows all this, and he feels like, although his friends are trying to argue this out and convince him that they don't know anything that he doesn't know, they’re human beings just like he is. They may be wise but he's wise too and respected too. And that brings us to one of the most, for me, riveting passages of Scripture. There are a couple of them in Job that just make you step back and go what...what kind of posture of heart…like how do you get…how do you get that level of trust? Because Job is saying one way or the other I need to see God. God has the answers. Nobody else has the answers. I’ve got to find God, but I don't know where and I don't know what it would be like if I do. And, so, Job says, “even if he slays me still I will hope in him.” Or quoting from the translation that we’re reading from this week, “God might kill me, but I have no other hope.” He’s saying even if finding God proves hopeless I will still hope in God. And this is one of the keys to the territory that we are in, and what the book of Job is dealing with. What if we can't get the answer were looking for? Where will we put our hope?

Prayer:

Father…Holy Spirit come into that. That…this is very, very deep within us. This is core stuff down deep within us because so often it is our lack of knowledge or understanding that sends us off on some kind of wild chase that leads us nowhere but a big circle. And we suffer so much more than we have to. Our hope is in You and we can declare this and we do declare this. Even if we’re for declaring it in faith our hope is in You because there is no other hope. And yet there are plenty of times that we find confusion and uncertainty. And in the book of Job, we see a person who has been stripped down to nothing, a person who has lost everything that can be lost and would find death as to be a relief. That’s about as far stripped away as a human being can get. And yet we see in Job, even though he's stripped to bedrock he still has hope in You, even if there is no hope. Help us to ponder that, meditate upon that, consider that, till that into the soil of our hearts. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

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So, check out the resources that are available in the Daily Audio Bible Shop. Yeah…over the years we’ve developed a number of resources, whether that be just fun things to have and accompany our journey, like the Global Campfire collector coin. I know that sounds weird, but I collect those things when I go to national parks and stuff like that. And, so, yeah, I had to have one of those in my pocket. Wherever I go I reach my hand in my pocket it doesn't feel like coins, it doesn't feel like change. As soon as I feel it…it's a connection to the community here. Just all kinds of different resources there, things to take the journey deeper, things to read, things to write with, things to listen to. So, check it out at the Daily Audio Bible Shop.

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And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can at the Hotline button in the app, which is a little red button up at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Family just come together with me as I pray for our brothers and sisters in Afghanistan. I'm reminded of the time I was in Israel with DAB a couple years ago. We were up on the Golan Heights and Brian shared how the brothers and sisters in Syria said they just felt forgotten sometimes and asked for prayer. And we are hearing of the deliverance of the Jews through Esther right now and there's no coincidence with God. It's for such a time as this. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. And just a couple days ago Brian read psalms 35 and that is my declaration, my decree that I am praying over the people of Afghanistan. My brothers and sisters there, the innocent there. And just agree with me. Father God oppose those who oppose them Lord and fight for those that fight against them Lord. Take Your shield and Your armor and come to their rescue. Lift up Your spear into war axe against those that pursue them and promise that You will save them. May those who try to kill them be defeated and disgraced in the name of Jesus. May those who plot against them be turned back and confused. May they be like the straw blown by the wind as the Angel of the Lord pursues them and may their path be dark and slippery while the Angel of the Lord strikes them down. Because without any reason they have laid a trap. But God I will say I am glad because of the Lord. I am happy because You have saved them. If their hearts will not turn to You Father God then just destroy them but rescue Your children in Jesus…

Dear DAB family this is Russell from superior. I'm just feeling sad about everybody that's left behind in Afghanistan. You know, a lot of these people feel like they're in a holy war. I don't know. But, you know, they're talking about Christians that are left behind over there, behind enemy lines and, you know, why they're going to do what they do. I just would like to remind us all we need to be praying, you know, and using the only weapon that we have, the power of prayer. I know we all are strong in this prayer, and I've seen a lot of miracles happen with this prayer group. So, just if everybody could join me in a prayer. Dear heavenly Father God please protect those that are there, those that are willing to die for Your name. Please, you know, protect them, please watch over them, you know. It's sad, You're the only true God and these people are dying for nothing. Please protect those ones that You can dear heavenly Father. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Hey siblings it's your little sis His Little Cherri in Canada. And I'm show glad we're reading the story of Esther in the Old Testament. And I'm seeing something different in it that I've ever seen before because I'm in a different place then I've ever been before. Esther strikes me as someone who is quite shy and hesitant, at least that's how she comes across in the story. And when Mordecai asks her to go before the king she doesn't want to. And of course, no one would. Anyone would be freaked out. But I just I just see her as being like me. I am not a __ flamboyant person. I mean I have been at times in the past when I was passionate and on stage and on the ministry teams and blah blah blah. But since my health issues I'm in a very slow quiet place. A lot of my flamboyant friends have faded into the word work because I can't keep up with them and most of my close friends now have health problems like I do. And, so, I find myself and the company of the afflicted and it's a very different place to be. And yet it's a good place, it's such a good place to be. And the story of Esther just encourages me because I see that God used her in a powerful way even though she…she was hesitant. And, you know, she kept inviting king and Mordecai to dinner after dinner before she got around to the point. And if she'd done it any other way, I don't think it would have worked out as well. So, I'm so encouraged that God can use me exactly where I am.

Greetings and salutations thanks and praise to the most-high this is Tim Pickle here from the corn state. If you could please be praying for my wife Bailey. Our baby is due October 6th woo. But my wife suffers from high blood pressure so they're talking about even taking the baby out before 37 weeks. So, if you could please be praying for just peace and God's hand to be over the situation and everything turns out the way that He wants it to be. Amen. Thank you all very much. I hope you have a…

Hello DAB my name is people on the water and I'm from Indiana calling in for a young man named Jonathan. It's crazy for me to call him a young man because he's two years older than me but I'm still assuming that 18 and 20 is still a young man. Either way, Jonathan as I was hearing your call even before you said pornography or lust that's what I was thinking about. And you came in, you just said you feel disgusting. Although you are new here, I don't know if it was a week or a month that you've been a part of the DAB but I'm glad you're here man. I'm glad you're here brother. I don't have the words to encourage you right now, honestly but I just I…I lift you up in the name of the Holy Spirit. As someone on the 14th said, it's as simple as just trusting God. And I pray that you see that simplicity through your trials and through your temptations, that you might submit yourself therefore to God and watch the devil flee because it is a free and it is a possible thing. Man, thank you for sharing. Love you DAB. In Jesus’ name I pray and I ask. Make it a great day. Amen.

Hello DABber family this is the Burning Bush that will not be devoured for the glory of our God and king. Today is Friday and I just heard a prayer request from one of our DABber kids and it sounded like we were praying for grandma who has multiple myeloma and praying for grandma to have energy to play with them in the pool. And that just put a big smile on my face. I am definitely praying for you dear. I am praying for your grandma. I'm praying that God will supernaturally heal her. I pray that she will have so much energy that she will have so much fun with you in the pool. I even pray for extra energy for her to do more stuff with you, play with you, run with you, whatever it is you need grandma to do. I am definitely praying for you. And I know that God heard your prayer even before I called. And I believe that He sent angels, that He released angels in heaven to execute to your request because He loves you so much. This just made my day. It's exciting to know that we have kids listening. I have a 14-year-old now who came to me a couple days ago and said to me, mum can listen to DAB before I go to bed? And it just made my day because I used to play it for him from his birth. Like all his life I'd play it for him before bedtime. And, so, I'm glad that he's picking it up again. I love you guys. Love all the kids out there. God bless. Bye.

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eat-the-richard · 4 years ago

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Sonic’s 30th: What it could be and what it won’t be

Well folks, it's about that time again. Our beloved Sonic thee Hedgehog is turning the big three-oh this year.

I say that time “again” because, y’know, it seems like we just went through this. The last mainline Sonic releases, Sonic Mania and Sonic Forces, were both revealed as part of Sonic’s 25th anniversary. In a sense, that’s all us fans really have to look forward to anymore. Waiting for about five-or-so rotations around the sun to pass until SEGA can slap that big number next to Sonic’s mug to usher out as much celebratory marketing material as they can, all for the chance to get a smidgen of new video games to get our hands on.

This anniversary feels... different, though. Last anniversary SEGA had an absolute winner on their hands in Sonic Mania. There was no way the team behind that one could possibly mess up. And even if Sonic Forces turned out like... that, it at least made sense from SEGA’s perspective to greenlight a game like it during that time. But the five years since those games were announced have done little to assuage my worries about what exactly is planned for this year’s big game.

You see, Sonic has kind of vanished. He’s lost. M.I.A.. Which feels strange. Even during the supposed “dark age” of Sonic, he never really went anywhere. New games were still being produced like clockwork for a whole host of gaming systems. From mainline titles to spinoffs, dedicated Sonic fans had a lot to sink their teeth into back then. Since the release of Forces, all we really have to show for ourselves is a (personally) insignificant expansion to Sonic Mania and a new racing title which, frankly, didn’t set the world on fire when it was released. I suppose there’s a whole host of mobile titles that I didn’t mention but it’s difficult to get excited over yet another Sonic auto-runner. Perhaps most bafflingly, there haven’t even been many ports of older Sonic titles to modern hardware. If the mid-2000s were the dark ages of Sonic, perhaps right now we’re living in the “silent age,” where basically nothing is even happening and the franchise is at an eternal standstill.

The sole exception to this self-titled silent era was the Sonic movie, which I don’t think anyone anticipated being as big of a success as it was. Including the studio behind it. And especially including SEGA. It was utterly baffling to me that, upon the film’s release, there was nothing in the way of a tie-in game. Nothing directly associated with the movie. Nothing separate to release alongside the movie. Nothing. Some have speculated that SEGA was supremely unconfident in the film and it's hard to argue otherwise. It seems that, in a sense, the movie was a success in spite of the company the IP is linked with.

That’s why this anniversary feels more peculiar than the last one. At least Sonic was doing something in the early 2010s. Perhaps nothing groundbreaking, but he was at least around. If it hadn’t been for the movie, how in the world would the series be attracting new fans? This anniversary needs to be big. It needs to be the explosive re-emergence of Sonic to not only please the jaded oldies but the next generation of kids. And… I just don’t anticipate anything of the sort.

To me, Sonic Team has about four directions they could take the 30th anniversary game. Here they are, listed in descending order of likelihood.

4. A new “boost” game. Sonic Team ain’t opening that can of worms again.

3. A new “classic Sonic” game. While Christian Whitehead’s new studio has been deafeningly silent since forming, I believe that we’d have a bit more information about a Sonic Mania sequel by now if that was indeed in development.

2. Something entirely different.

1. Sonic Adventure 3 (or comparable analog).

Now, your reaction to that list may differ depending on your preferences and the year you were born. To me, something evoking nostalgia to the two Sonic Adventures is the safest and most likely choice for SEGA and Sonic Team. Just as classic nostalgia permeated through the 2010s, Adventure nostalgia will trailblaze full force through the 2020s. There are a lot of people whose only exposure to Sonic at all is playing Sonic Adventure 2 Battle on their GameCube. And the only way those people could potentially get funneled back into the series is through a proper Sonic Adventure 3, or at least something like it.

This, of course, says nothing about the overall quality of what this new Adventure title would be. And really, this is my main concern with the 30th anniversary. Can I even trust Sonic Team anymore to put out a good game?

Regardless of style, I’m unconfident to say the least. The staff that worked on the Adventure titles are not at SEGA anymore. The staff that spearheaded the “boost trilogy” of Unleashed, Colors, and Generations are not at SEGA anymore. And modern-day Sonic Team’s idea of something entirely different is, well, unappealing. Sonic Lost World proved that trying to change the core of the series for its own sake leads to a bland and uninspiring experience. And Forces? Oh… Forces.

Really, Forces is the main reason why I’m so disillusioned. Maybe it was that I was excited for the grand return of the boost. Maybe it was that I loved Generations so much that a proper sequel to it couldn’t possibly be bad. Instead of being a sequel to Generations, though, it tries to be everything at once. A game to appeal to the classic fans, the Adventure fans, the boost fans, those whole love complicated narratives, those who love the many characters this series has, and, obviously, the Original Character Artists™. Jack of all trades, master of nothing. A directionless, soulless game that in some instances is seemingly artificially-generated.

If this spectacular 30th anniversary Sonic game is something entirely different, it had to break an astounding amount of new ground. It had to rethink and reshape the series so drastically that, honestly, I don’t think it's very likely. I don’t think Sonic Team has even the slightest clue about what makes their flagship IP so appealing to so many people. If the nostalgia-fueled 2010s are any indication, SEGA only understands what makes Sonic so popular on a superficial level.

They know we liked the 2D games, so now EVERY game has 2D in it! Oh, they didn’t like that Sonic has green eyes. Well, let’s bring back the CLASSIC version of Sonic. Let’s actually make him his own character who will also appear in every game!

New zone ideas? LMAO how about we reuse the same set of classic levels over and over! Green Hill? YES! Chemical Plant? Of course! Let’s make an entire game that has both Sonics running around in a bunch of old zones. Wait, didn’t we just do that idea last year for Sonic 4 Episode 1? And aren’t we going to do that idea NEXT year for Sonic 4 Episode 2? WAIT DID SOMEONE SAY CHECKERBOARD PATTERNS IN WINDY HILL ZONE!???!!!!

Oh wait, Christian Whitehead just pitched to us a brand new 2D Sonic game with classic physics and new levels? We’ll let him do it, but ONLY if it is ANOTHER nostalgia game that reuses old zones!

Let’s inundate our fans with the same images of their childhood to activate their dopamine receptors!

I can hardly wait for what this team’s idea of Sonic Adventure nostalgia looks like. Hope you really like City Escape.

Really, while such appeals to nostalgia are welcome the first few times, after a while it starts to get grating. Sonic Team leaning so hard into it during the 2010s reeks to me of desperation. As if the constant callbacks are the only thing the team knows how to do to link new games with the rest of the series.

In actuality, fans don’t like Sonic because of the classic design or 2D-platforming or Green Hill Zone. They may like those things, but it isn’t why they continue to support the series. Fans love Sonic so fervently because, when he hits on all cylinders, he really hits. His games play in a supremely rewarding way where skill mastery is key. The better you are at Sonic, the better you feel while playing it. The personalities and designs of all of the different characters, from Sonic to Tails to Vector the freakin’ Crocodile, are not only distinct from each other but bleed through into gameplay in the way that they control and in how they are animated. Sonic’s best stories are ones that people can really relate to, dealing with a whole host of themes such as environmentalism, resisting fascism, surpassing expectations, and even the concept of free will among nonhuman entities. Not especially deep, but certainly thought provoking, especially for kids. All tied together with top notch visual and audio design that will stand the test of time. I’d posit that, while people like Sonic for a whole host of reasons, their starting point lies somewhere in the above explanation.

Hopefully, Sonic Team has realized by now that nostalgia will only get them so far. While a Sonic Adventure 3 would turn heads, it wouldn’t push the series forward. While a proper sequel to Sonic Mania would be a critical darling, it would continue to keep Sonic’s feet firmly planted in 1991. Sonic needs to evolve. He needs to change. And it seems like a change is happening. Roger Craig Smith, the voice of Sonic for the last 10 years, is no longer working with the series. The new TV series, Sonic Prime, is set to take place in a “strange new multiverse.” Even the Sonic movie refuses to lean on nostalgia too hard.

So maybe the future will be set in unfamiliar waters. But if this is the case, I don’t want SEGA to half ass it. I want them to boldly step into that abyss with a vision of Sonic that appeals to the heart of the fandom. Because, even if it's been down recently, that heart is still beating, and after the abuse it's already taken, it’s going to take a hell of a lot to get it to stop. And if SEGA can get this heart pumping to its full extreme as it had in years past, we may have something legendary to look forward to.

They could also just release a bunch of old Sonic games on Switch. I’d like that too.

#sonic #sonic 30th #essay #sonic team

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letterboxd · 4 years ago

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Exorcism.

Film-obsessive documentarian Alexandre O. Philippe tells Aaron Yap about watching The Exorcist for 30 days straight, mining William Friedkin’s personality for his absorbing new documentary, and the films that floor him.

“Sometimes you can be watching a romantic comedy but what you’re really craving is a film noir.” —Alexandre O. Philippe

William Friedkin loves to talk. A consummate storyteller off and on screen, the director is known for recounting wild tales of his storied life and career as the charismatic wunderkind who ascended to New Hollywood’s elite with 1971’s Oscar-showered cop procedural The French Connection. A couple of years later his reputation would grow two-fold, adapting a novel by William Peter Blatty called The Exorcist and unleashing what is still perhaps the most revered and discussed horror film of all time.

To this day, the film, which broke new ground for its grounded, rigorously methodical interrogation of demonic possession and faith-in-crisis, continues to terrify and haunt our imagination. But as Alexandre O. Philippe reveals in his Shudder documentary Leap of Faith: William Friedkin on The Exorcist, it’s in ways that are more intangible and unfathomable than we imagine.

From the William Friedkin papers of the Margaret Herrick Library, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. / Photo courtesy William Friedkin

Throughout the intimate one-on-one session, it’s clear that the 85-year-old’s gift of gab has not diminished. As ChainsawMasacre writes on Letterboxd, “his mind and memory is still like a steel trap”. Philippe, a Swiss-born cinephile-centric doco filmmaker who’s covered everything from zombie movies to George Lucas, captures Friedkin’s contagious ranconteuring in all its prickly, contradictory, exuberant bluster. It’s so absorbing that from the moment he opens his mouth, you’ll be hooked in and suddenly an hour has vanished without you even realizing.

It’s true that considerable swathes of Leap of Faith may feel like old news to Friedkin/Exorcist obsessives—anyone who’s listened to the DVD audio commentary, read The Friedkin Connection, or watched Francesco Zippel’s Friedkin Uncut will be familiar with some of these stories. But Philippe’s incisive, thoughtful, highly accessible approach, excavating deeper than anecdotal interest but eschewing academic stuffiness, makes the documentary as much of value to newcomers as to seasoned fans. “The intersection of influences between music, film, fine art and personal travesty made me admire Friedkin on a whole new level”, writes Databaseanimal.

How many times have you seen The Exorcist, and on average how often would you need to rewatch a film in prep? Alexandre O. Philippe: You have to watch a film over and over and over again. I can’t tell you generally how many times I’ve watched The Exorcist but I can tell you when I was preparing for my interviews with Bill, I watched it every day for 30 days straight. That’s part of the process.

Leap of Faith is a bit of a departure from your previous two deep-dives—Memory: The Origins of Alien and 78/52: Hitchcock’s Shower Scene—in that you’re only talking to one interviewee, and that interviewee happens to be William Friedkin. What was that experience like? It’s wonderful. It’s really hard to put into words how incredible it’s been to spend that amount of time with him. Getting my own personal masterclass with him is invaluable. There’s no film school in the world that can give you that experience. It’s been really something.

Did spending that extended time reveal something about Friedkin that you weren’t aware of prior to shooting? Oh sure, that’s the beauty of that extensive of an interview—six days—and multiple conversations in between. Without giving it away, in the final sequence when he’s talking about Kyoto Zen Gardens… this is the stuff you can only get from someone like Friedkin once the comfort level is there, once you’re in the groove of conversation. It’s an aspect of his personality we’ve never seen before.

We all know him as a storyteller and a showman but he’s probably been very guarded in the past. There’s a certain amount of vulnerability even when he talks about the climax of The Exorcist, and how much to this day he’s not sure he understands some of the choices he made shooting that scene. That’s a remarkable thing to say about one of the most iconic scenes in the history of movies.

William Friedkin in ‘Leap of Faith: William Friedkin on The Exorcist’. / Photo by Robert Muratore, courtesy Exhibit A Pictures

I could listen to him speak for hours. Did you challenge him at any point? I definitely pushed him as far as I could. The whole sequence around the climax of The Exorcist that I was just talking about. There’s only about three minutes of that in the film but we talked about that scene for an hour and a half. I kept pushing and pushing him because I didn’t understand where he was coming from. I feel as a film fan that I understand that scene. For me, Father Karras sacrifices himself. It’s an act of complete selflessness. But he kept going back to the idea of suicide and that suicide in the Catholic Church is a sin and how he didn’t understand it. And that’s why you see him a little on edge during that scene. It was very important to go there.

I love the obsessive detail that goes into your examination of the creative process. Was there any detail—something that is interesting in and of itself—that you left out? We had a really great conversation around Carlos Kleiber, one of the conductors he admires the most, who essentially taught him to direct in metaphors. It’s a fascinating conversation. We actually built a scene around that and it just didn’t work with the film. There’s a point in any film where it becomes autonomous and its own entity in a way and you have to listen and pay attention to what the film tells you it wants to be.

We also had a great conversation around his first documentary The People vs. Paul Crump, and the technique which he used of slapping him in his cell on death row, which is the same technique he used for Bill O’Malley in The Exorcist. I had a long conversation with [executive producer] Karyn Kusama about this and we felt it was a little too over-the-top to go there and it wasn’t necessary to take the film to that level so we eventually left it out.

Friedkin talks about The Brink’s Job at one point, which is great to hear as it’s probably my favorite underrated Friedkin film. What’s yours? [Laughs] If you’re talking underrated or one that’s not much talked about, for me it’s Bug. Bug is ummm… [pauses]

What can you say about Bug? I mean honestly, truly, have you ever seen performances that pushed to the very edge of what’s even reasonable to expect or see from actors? It’s mind-blowing stuff. How does he even get performances like these? I mean they are wonderful actors but Michael Shannon and Ashley Judd, like, really… Like, really? You know what I mean? That’s Billy.

To me, you’re talking about Billy when he was in his early 70s when he made that film, a filmmaker who’s still really interested in pushing the envelope and going as far as he possibly can. It’s absolutely remarkable and I wish we talked more about that film.

Tell us about one ‘holy grail’ film or filmmaker you’d like to cover. The one I really want most to make a film about, and I will, is Vertigo. To go back to Hitchcock. I definitely have a healthy obsession with that film—have had since I was a kid. I love melodrama, and it’s the greatest melodrama ever made. I can’t think of a better film for my money from anywhere. It’s a glorious, glorious piece of filmmaking, but it’s also a very complex, tortured, complicated film that alienates some people.

I was on TCM a couple years ago as Ben Mankiewicz’s co-host on “50 Years of Alfred Hitchcock”. We did 24 movies together and when it came to Vertigo we had a fun conversation because he’s not a fan. He’s basically like “what’s the big deal about that film?” That really fascinates me. That’s a really amazing thing and he’s not the only person I highly respect who said that to me. I’d love to not only do a deep dive into Vertigo but also what’s so polarizing about it. That’d be fun to do that.

In Leap of Faith, Friedkin talks a lot about non-horror-specific aspects, such as grace notes, and the mysterious, magical aspects of filmmaking that can’t be easily explained. What movies are you drawn to but can’t explain completely through the technique and science of filmmaking? Any great work of art, not just film, that has a lasting impact on us and on society, works in ways that are much more mysterious than not. You can explain away the many different tangible reasons why Psycho, Alien and The Exorcist continue to have an impact, and had a massive impact on audiences when they came out. But for every tangible reason or every fact that you can provide, there are a million mysteries as well.

I’m much more interested in the mysteries of the creative process than I’m interested in the behind-the-scenes anecdotes or little tidbits of movie history. Because you will never get to the bottom of it and that’s the real beauty of it. And the lesson to learn from that is there’s nothing to do beyond just being in awe of it.

Documentarian Alexandre O. Philippe / Photo by Bas Bogaerts

What’s a documentary that uses the form in a way that’s inspiring to you, or one that made you want to pursue this form? I don’t watch a ton of documentaries. I don’t like the term ‘documentary’. With that asterisk out of the way, there are a number of documentaries I absolutely adore and filmmakers that are pushing the form that are remarkable. I think of Allan King, one of the great documentarians.

There is one that, formally speaking, absolutely blew me away and is very hard to watch. It’s called Caniba. It’s a documentary about this French-Japanese man who killed and ate one of his classmates. He did a whole comic book on it, and his brother is equally disturbed. It’s one of the few films, along with The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, where I had to literally stop halfway through ’cos I just couldn’t handle it. The remarkable thing about this film is that the entire film is extreme close-ups. You’re watching basically his face and his brother’s face in extreme close-up the entire film and it makes you absolutely nauseous.

The formal choice that was made, in committing to that, it’s so much more horrendous and horrible than what’s on the periphery of the frame. You’re trapped in the geography of that face and you can’t get out. I’m not sure if ‘exciting’ is the best word I can use here, but to say this kind of approach excites me when I see a documentary filmmaker doing this, is accurate.

How do you spell that? I’m going to put it on my watchlist. C-A-N-I-B-A. Good luck watching it my friend [laughs]. Don’t eat while you’re watching it.

What films have you caught during the pandemic and completely loved, old or new? I watch almost exclusively the Criterion Channel. They’re the gold standard. I don’t even know where to begin. Recently I just watched the three Joseph Losey/Harold Pinter collaborations: The Servant, Accident and The Go-Between. I’ve always been a huge fan of Harold Pinter but what Joseph Losey has done with those three films is astonishing. The Go-Between, especially. Wow. That film just floored me.

They had a whole sidebar on Western noir films, and I discovered a bunch of incredible titles like Station West and Blood on the Moon with Robert Mitchum, which is an absolutely magnificent film. Some of the early Douglas Sirk movies. I can watch that stuff all day.

Oh there’s another one I would like to recommend as it is a criminally not just underrated, but completely under-the-radar film: Sun Don’t Shine.

Kate Lyn Sheil’s performance is amazing in it. Oh my god. Why didn’t she run away with the Screen Actors Guild Award, Oscars, Golden Globes? Like seriously. Some of the recent nominations Meryl Streep has been getting, like give me a break. It’s not even close. It’s not even in the same ballpark [laughs]. It’s really one of those rare performances that I think about, like Isabelle Huppert in The Piano Teacher. Once in a generation you see something like this and you go “Holy cow, what a performance”. It does not exist on DVD or Blu-ray and it kills me. I want that film in my collection so badly.

Kate Lyn Sheil in Amy Seimetz’s ‘Sun Don’t Shine’ (2012).

Maybe this will be the thing that will get them to push it out on physical media. I’m trying, I’m working with them, and I’ve done some with them. I need to send them an email and say “Can you please do something about this?”.

What’s a film that you were cold on first viewing but has grown on you with repeat viewings? The first one that comes to mind is Donnie Darko. I really hated the film the first time around, and it’s weird because there was always this voice at the back of my head that kept saying “watch it again”. I did and it completely blew me away the second time around. Often I will give a film a second chance. Especially when I know the film is well-respected. There are films where you can intellectually understand why the film is respected, but you don’t connect with the film.

I’ll tell you one that I’m really looking forward to giving a second chance. Not because I hated it but it left me really underwhelmed. A film that everybody loves: Moonlight. I also do remember when I was watching it, actively thinking I was not in the right frame of mind for that film. Sometimes you just have to recognize that. Sometimes you can be watching a romantic comedy but what you’re really craving is a film noir. That’s really not going to work.

So we’ll see, we’ll talk about it after I’ve watched it a second time. And hopefully it will be a revelation. There’s nothing better for me than these moments when you watch something the second time that didn’t work and you go “Holy cow this is great”. That’s an awesome thing to experience.

Related content

The Films of Alexandre O. Philippe

Follow William Friedkin on Twitter

Aaron’s list of documentaries on filmmaking and Hollywood

Vince’s list of narrative films about filmmaking

Follow Aaron on Letterboxd

‘Leap of Faith: William Friedkin on The Exorcist’ is streaming now on Shudder.

#william friedkin #billy friedkin #the exorcist #horror film #alexandre o phillippe #documentary #documentary making #filmmaking #filmmaking process #life in film #filmmaker #director

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dvp95 · 5 years ago

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quiet on widow’s peak (10)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 2.8k (this chapter), 32.4k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

They try everything. Sophie handles the cameras and phones while Phil and Chris spend way too long cleaning up files on their laptops and doing what they can to get any clear images out of the mess. It's no use. By the time PJ returns from driving Dan home, all they've accomplished is figuring out that the corruption is on their devices, not on the exported files. No matter what they do, the videos and pictures they took have the effect of being scrambled, like someone has pressed fast forward and also put a noise filter over them. The sound is no better - there's a high-pitched sort of ringing in all of the video and audio recordings that Phil can't understand the source of. Some files won't open altogether.

"How does this even happen?" Sophie mutters, bent over Chris' phone with a furrowed brow. "There's nothing left. Like, at all."

"We still have footage from the first night," says Phil. He's trying his very best to stay positive, but this is unbelievably frustrating. They experienced something last night, even if they can't agree on what it was, and they're supposed to start driving back to Brighton before it gets too dark. They don't have time for this. "With the shadow, you know."

His friends make grunts of irritated agreement. Phil knows that all of them are disappointed and a little angry about the lack of evidence for their hellish night, almost like they went through it for nothing, but he doesn't have anything comforting to say.

Phil has never been very good at comfort. He's good at distracting people and forcing optimism, but seeing such visceral emotions from his usually mild housemates makes him want to retreat into himself. He takes his glasses off to rub at his eyes, fighting off a budding headache.

"That's not really enough for a video, though, is it," says PJ. "I mean, you're not going to convince anyone with just a shadow."

"Well, we can't stay to try and get more," Chris says with a little huff.

"I can," Phil points out. He doesn't think he wants to, really, because this whole situation skeeves him out and going back alone would not help, but he needs there to be a purpose to his friends' suffering or he'll never forgive himself. He stares at his unfocused laptop screen, full of files that don't work, and wonders if they're going to bother to try and stop him. "I mean, you guys all have work tomorrow. I don't have anywhere to be. And I kind of want to see this through, so I can, like… take the train home when it's done."

There's a moment of quiet. Phil feels his shoulders tense at the possibility that he's going to have to argue his way into this. It's his job. Plus, he already knows his parents are going to have a problem with him staying longer to investigate, and fighting with yet another set of well-meaning people is more than he wants to do.

"Normally I'd be like, whatever," says PJ. "You know what you're doing and you do this sort of shit alone all the time. But, Phil, how the fuck do you think the paralysis will work if you're by yourself?"

"I won't try to sleep there," Phil decides, shoving his glasses back onto his face. "That's the only time it's happened, right? When people are already falling asleep?"

PJ's mouth twists unhappily, but he doesn't protest further. Phil wonders if he's actually won this argument or if PJ is just too tired from bickering with Dan about cryptids, or whatever they talked about on the drive. Thinking about Dan is a distraction, and not exactly a welcome one. Phil doesn't know how he feels - or even if he should be feeling anything at all - and he doesn't want to add that crisis on top of the one he's already dealing with.

"So you're just going to go there," says Chris. "Alone. And then poke around and go home?"

"That's what I do in most haunts."

"Fair play. Carry on."

It's almost funny how quickly PJ's expression nosedives into aghast. "What? That's it? You're not putting up more of a fight?"

"Why bother?" Chris asks with a little shrug. "He's a stubborn bellend."

"Hey," Phil half-heartedly protests. His friends don't deign to acknowledge it.

"You should bring a sigil with you," says Sophie. Her voice is soft and tired, but her eyes are kind in a way that PJ and Chris don't bother to be. "Why don't you bring something down that you'd have on you, and we'll all put something on it?"

"Really?" Chris asks. It's impossible to tell what he's thinking. Phil doesn't know if he thinks the idea is good or stupid, but he nods after Sophie does. "Alright, we can do that."

PJ is looking off into the distance while cogs seem to turn in his head. "Something you'll have physically on you, Philly, since we can't put it on your skin itself. Let us draw on your glasses or jacket or -"

"Knickers," Chris chimes in.

"Or your knickers," PJ agrees, far more solemnly than Phil thinks is necessary.

It doesn't seem like it'll actually help, but Phil feels so much affection and gratitude for his friends wanting to protect him in any way they can that he doesn't argue.

Phil doesn't really like the idea of going to the Wilkins place alone, either, but he's a lot more comfortable doing that than dragging his innocent friends along for the awful ride again. He thinks about Sophie's kind eyes staring up at the ceiling blankly, the way PJ gasped when he woke up, Chris trying to hide his own concern about the situation, and he feels his resolve stiffen even more.

Maybe he is a stubborn bellend. This is his responsibility, though. It's not right for him to keep asking for help. Phil lets the conversation flow to what snacks they're going to get for the drive and thinks about how he's going to break the situation to his parents.

It doesn't feel as satisfying to shut the door of his childhood bedroom, now. Maybe it's the fact that he's too mature to slam it, or maybe it's that the room itself isn't the haven it used to be. All the neutral colours and boring pieces of art are like a constant visual reminder that his life isn't here anymore.

He doesn't want it to be here. That isn't the problem. It feels stupid if he thinks about it for too long, but he grew up in this house. He's got scars from the sharp corners of the old furniture and more memories than he has in any other singular location. Sure, it makes sense that his parents are retiring and want to downsize from a big, empty house, but Phil really isn't comfortable with this level of change. He kind of assumed he'd always be able to come visit and feel at home again.

Phil sinks onto the mattress. For a long moment, he seriously considers going to sleep. It's barely past seven, but he didn't sleep well this morning. At least if he's unconscious he doesn't need to deal with the crushing weight of his parents' disappointment and worry.

The decision is made for him when his phone buzzes with a notification from Tumblr.

tell ur parents thanks for letting me stay and tell pj thanks for bringing me home and tell urself thanks for the uhhhh experience lmao its deffo not one im gonna forget anytime soon

Phil huffs a laugh and gets comfortable. You're very welcome. I'll tell them when I come out of hiding.

arent you in a very small car on your way to brighton mate… how tf do you manage to hide in there when youre huge

Oh I'm not in the car, I'm still at my parents' place. It's a long story and I hate typing a bunch on my phone. Phil grimaces at himself for the way that sounds, like he's cutting off any questions Dan might have before they ask. He sends another message. Voice call me on Skype or something if you wanna hear about my no good, very bad day.

He doesn't expect Dan to actually call him, let alone immediately, but Phil's phone starts buzzing with a Skype call before he's collected himself enough to find his headphones. He's still detangling while he answers with a sheepish, "Oh, hello!"

"Hi," says Dan. Their voice is low and amused, and Phil can't believe how nice it is to hear after only a handful of hours.

"I'm woefully unprepared, as per usual," Phil rambles, finally getting his headphones in and grinning at the bland wall in front of him. Nobody is here to judge him for it. "You, er, got home alright?"

"Obviously yes," says Dan. "So, you had a bad day?"

"'Cause you had a bad day," Phil sings back to them. The sound of Dan's giggle makes any embarrassment worth it, he thinks. "Yeah, uh, it was rough. So we wanted to look over the footage from last night to see what the camera caught, y'know, but… I don't know how, I don't have an explanation for it, but everything is corrupted. Our audio, our video, our photos. They're all beyond repair."

There's a few moments of silence, where Phil would think Skype had frozen if he couldn't still hear the faint music on Dan's end. Then, "What? You - what? We don't have anything?"

Phil likes the sound of 'we'. He probably shouldn't.

"We tried everything," Phil explains, his heart feeling heavy all over again at the reminder that they spent hours terrified for nothing. "But the corruption isn't even in the exported files, it's on our devices themselves. Chris' phone, our cameras… they're all fucked."

"If you're swearing, it must be fucking serious," says Dan. Phil wants to interrupt then, explain that his policy on bleeping out curses is more about staying monetized and keeping his parents happy than any personal morals, but Dan has already shot past the topic at the speed of light. "So basically we've got no proof we were ever there, let alone that something weird happened - which I'm not saying is some kind of fucking paranormal shit, by the way, but it was weird - and now you've got nothing to make a video with and I never should have told you about this place to begin with?"

"Dan, breathe." Phil waits until he's sure that Dan is at least trying to follow the directive. "It's okay. I'm glad you brought me here. And that's why I'm still in town - I'm going to get more footage."

"Not alone, you're not," Dan says fiercely.

"Peej and the other Scoobs already went home. I just didn't go with them."

"I don't care where your friends are," says Dan. Phil can almost see their hand waving dismissively. "You're not going back there alone. End of story."

The clear insistence in Dan's voice should be getting Phil's back up against the wall. He hates being told what to do with his own projects, needs to be in complete control whenever possible. Instead, he finds himself thinking that it's sweet of Dan to worry like that.

Christ, but he's got it bad.

"I'm still in town either way," Phil says, picking at a loose thread in his sleeve absent-mindedly. "Which my parents are, uh, not thrilled about."

"Really?" Dan sounds genuinely surprised. "They seem like they really love you, mate."

Love has never been the issue. That feels strange to think, cocky almost, but Phil has never really worried that his parents won't love him. Even with the secrets he keeps from them and their fears about the way he lives his life, the worst he's ever expected is disappointment. That just isn't the way their relationship works.

"Oh, they do," says Phil. "But they hate my job, and they think that it's stupid of me to keep investigating a place that clearly doesn't want to be investigated. They believe in ghosts and demons and all that jazz, y'know, they think I'm inviting evil into my life, so they said they'd let me stay here while I work but that we're going to have a 'serious discussion' about my life trajectory when I'm done."

"Ouch. I'd hate that conversation."

"Trust me, it's going to suck. I just got the preview today, and I already know I'm going to want to run away to Iceland."

There's a beat. Then, Dan says, "At least when you're there you can look into the hidden people. You know, the Icelandic elves or whatever that live in a parallel world. That seems up your alley."

"Your mum lives in a parallel world," Phil mutters.

Dan giggles. The sound of it is soft, like they're aware of their own volume, and Phil remembers that Dan lives in some kind of housing with a bunch of other students. He still loves the sound, so much so that he drifts into a nonsensical daydream of making Dan laugh as much as possible and almost misses Dan's voice coming through his headphones again.

"Since you're still in town," Dan is saying, and Phil makes a conscious effort to tune back in, "you should come by the shop tomorrow. I have an early class, but I'm starting work at eleven."

The prospect of seeing Dan again is such a good one that Phil doesn't even hesitate before he's agreeing. It'll be a bit of an effort to get out of bed early enough to avoid his parents and catch Dan for a good amount of time, but Phil feels like it's definitely going to be worth it. He likes Dan, likes being around them if absolutely nothing else, and the ill-advised butterflies in his stomach aren't enough to make him fall on the side of finding this a bad idea.

It isn't until after he's hung up and getting himself a sandwich so he doesn't have to eat an awkward dinner with his parents that Phil realises he's going to have Dan all to himself tomorrow. Well, to himself and to whatever patrons come into the coffee shop. The force of those warm eyes, just focused on him… it's going to test Phil in a way he's not sure he's ready for.

He turns away from the fridge and almost jumps out of his skin.

"Mum," he complains, free hand clutched to his chest. "Don't just stand there, you scared me!"

A smile tugs at Kath's lips, but her arms are crossed and her eyes are staring into Phil's very soul. He feels cornered all of a sudden, like he ought to be clawing for escape.

"Philip," she says, all warmth. There's that slight edge that he remembers so clearly from mishaps as a child, but for the most part it seems like she isn't here to lecture him. He imagines that's going to come from both of them. "This thing that you insist on doing… it's dangerous. You must know that, love."

Phil doesn't actually know that. For the most part, his career hasn't given him anything but boredom and a complex about his own creativity. It's just the odd cases, the ones like the Wilkins house, that get him squirrelly.

"I know, mum," he says anyway. It isn't worth the argument. "But this is my job."

"It doesn't need to be," she presses, and Phil realises that his assumption was very, very wrong. They're going to divide and conquer. She continues like she hasn't noticed the way his whole body is tensing up. "You have such a wonderful mind and loads of ambition, my dear. And that imagination! Gosh, you could do anything that you set your mind to."

Anything he set his mind to - if he actually tried. Phil can hear the words that she isn't saying, that his dad will have no trouble voicing later, and he feels the familiar burn in his throat like he's going to start crying.

He won't. He doesn't cry much, as a rule, but he's well-acquainted with the sensation of holding it back.

"I know that I can," says Phil quietly. He looks down at his sandwich. He isn't very hungry anymore. "Mum, I'm not - I don't do this because I - you know, I like my job."

That's not exactly the truth anymore, but Phil is also well-acquainted with the art of lying to his mother. She doesn't need to know about the doubts that plague Phil, the way that he's felt like he's slogging through videos until they catch his interest properly. That's something he can figure out on his own. He forces his eyes back up at her to drive the point home with a sincere, pleading sort of look.

Her mouth twists, unhappily this time.

"You need to grow up sometime, Phil," she says, so soft that it almost cushions the devastating blow of her words.

Almost.

#quiet on widow's peak #words words words

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brideofedoras · 5 years ago

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Soulbound

Disclaimer: the usual... I only own my OCs

Word count: 3200+

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Stalking, mentions of self-harm/scarring

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Her chest grew tight again at the detective’s words. “That case… haunted him,” she gripped the table Arnold was laid out on when her knees wobbled. “He… Daddy always called me every night to let me know he made it home. It didn’t matter how late. I knew by the tone of his voice if it was a good day or bad, if the case was solved or if it was a rough one. He hated that the trail went cold on him.” She winced when her lungs rattled on a breath. “But he was like a dog with a bone.”

“He wouldn’t let it go,” John nodded. “Marty and I helped Sam on that case when we could, but a big lead on inSyndicate dropped right into our laps. Sam tabled his investigation to join me on that raid.” Haunted hazel eyes met hers. “I should’ve told him no.”

She shook her head. “Daddy always did what he wanted, you know that probably as well as I do,” her voice rasped as her lungs constricted. She patted at her pockets as she pushed the words she needed to say out, “He talked about you... a… a lot, Detec...tive, he thought the w… world of you… and y… your dad.” Her vision greyed at the edges.

“Emily, where’s your inhaler?” Rudy’s voice sounded muffled.

“She left it on her desk,” John shoved away from the table, jogging to the desk and returning quickly. “Here,” he uncapped the inhaler before he pressed it in Emily’s hand.

Emily’s hand shook as she lifted it up to dose herself. “S-sorry,” she rasped out. “Anx-anxiety is sky-high.”

“Do you have medication for the anxiety?” Dorian asked, cupping her elbow to guide her to her desk.

She nodded as she sank into her desk chair. “It doesn’t help.” She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “What did you find on our friend Arnold’s ownership history?”

“Three owners have been registered, but I don’t believe the last owner legally acquired him,” the DRN looked over his shoulder at John. “I’ve sent everything I’ve uncovered so far to you but I need to look at his memory again.”

John nodded. “I’ll call Maldonado and let her know what we’ve found so far,” he stepped back as he pulled out his phone. “You gonna be okay?” He turned back to Emily.

She lifted her eyes to his, surprise flooding her to find genuine concern in his hazels. She shrugged, “I just need to keep busy.”

He frowned. “Can you get me a list of the…” he motioned toward her computer, “... uh, product that uses the same type of synthetic skin and a list of stores that carry those things?”

“I was already working on it before you guys arrived,” she twisted her chair to face her computer. She reached for her notebook instead, not willing to turn the monitor back on if Kennex was still standing behind her. “I’ll get the list to you before I go home tonight.”

“Thanks.”

When he didn’t walk away she turned her head to look over his shoulder. “Is there anything else, Detective?”

He hesitated before shaking his head. “No… Actually, yes.”

Her brow furrowed as she avoided meeting his eyes.

“Sam preferred using notebooks to tablets and computers for his notes,” he propped his hands on his hips. “Always wrote everything down before typing them up for official documentation.”

“He said by writing things by hand helped him retain information better,” she shrugged. “And typing them up further ingrained the information into his memory. Sure, he could record the interviews and review the audio and visual later but this way he could jot down facial expressions, make notes on body language, tone of voice, eyes, little details you can’t see clearly when reviewing any recordings of the initial interviews.”

“Huh,” John frowned thoughtfully. “Never thought of that.”

“Daddy was old school,” she shrugged.

“And you?” He motioned to her notebook.

“It’s easier.”

It doesn’t irritate the scarring on my left arm.

She kept that to herself. “I’m sure you have more important things to do than discuss the merits of archaic forms of taking notes, Detective Kennex,” she tugged at the cuff of her left sleeve when she realized she could see the faint line of an old scar. “I need to finish compiling that list for you, anyway.”

She waited for him to walk away before she turned the computer screen on.

“It’s Kennex,” she heard him as he paced away. “Hey, you remember Sam’s last case? The Community U murders? I need everything we got on that case. We’ve got a new lead. That android at the bank heist this morning? Dorian accessed some old footage from one of the murders. I want to be lead on this one. We’re still at Rudy’s, why? She’s stunned but otherwise fine, she’s working on getting a list compiled for me on the android.”

“John, you need to see this,” Dorian spoke up.

“Sandra, I’ll touch base once we get back to HQ, Dorian’s got something for me. What is it, D?”

Emily turned away from her computer and the unpleasant task of scrolling through sex toys (why the hell would anyone use toys that felt like that?) and made her way over. She halted in her tracks when both Dorian and Rudy looked at her, shaking their heads.

“Emily, you don’t need to see this,” Dorian immediately shut down the footage he was projecting.

But not before she saw the images.

Not before she saw her own face.

“That… That was me,” she stammered.

“Yeah,” Rudy nodded. “It looked like you were at Community University.”

“Dorian, pull it back up,” Emily approached the table.

“You don’t want to see this, Ms. Williams,” Dorian shook his head, his blue eyes flicking from hers to John when the detective moved to stand beside her.

“There for several months I felt like I was being followed,” she folded her arms over her stomach. “I’m not sure when it started but I remember a couple of my visits to the hospital, to see…” She shot a quick glance at John before looking away, “to see you, Detective. I mentioned it once or twice that I felt like I was being watched.”

“Do you remember when it started?” Kennex stepped in front of her.

She shook her head, tightening her arms around herself. “I was in a funk for a while, with losing Daddy and trying to keep going with my education and my dreams. There at first I thought it was my anxiety making me feel things… It may have been happening the entire time, I don’t… I don’t know,” she looked up with a silent apology in her eyes. “I just didn’t really realize it until a few days before I interviewed for the internship with Rudy, didn’t say anything to anyone until I told…”

“Until you told me,” he finished for her. “Why tell me, why tell someone in a coma?”

“I told Sandy,” she flashed an uneasy smile. “She knew. But without any proof, other than me getting anxious, there was nothing she could do. The department was already stretched thin, she couldn’t spare even an MX to shadow me. I made sure to always be vigilant about my surroundings. I was either at school, here at the lab, or at the hospital. I always texted Sandy to let her know where I was, and every night when I got home I made sure every window was secured and the door was locked up.”

“Emily has three locks on her door,” Rudy interjected.

“Do you have a gun?” Kennex shot Lom an exasperated look for the unnecessary interruption.

“Daddy’s guns are locked up in a safe in the back of my closet,” she frowned. “I don’t know how to handle a weapon.”

“You’re gonna learn.”

Her eyes widened at the do not argue with me, you’re gonna do it whether you like it or not look he leveled on her. “I don’t like guns.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he grumbled. “Can’t believe Sam never taught you.”

“He was afraid it would trigger my anxiety and my asthma,” she pointed out. “I was afraid, too. Guns scare me. Just the thought of actually holding one in my hands is enough to spike my anxiety.”

“Ms. Williams,” Dorian spoke up, drawing her attention from the hard hazel eyes of the detective towering over her. “John’s right, you need to learn how to handle a gun. I can work with you to help you overcome your anxieties regarding firearms. With this case reopening, I’m afraid you’ll be stalked once more. Whoever it is thinks you know something.”

She shook her head, “But I don’t know anything about it,” she turned her attention back to John. “Daddy never told me any details about any of his cases. When he talked to me about his day, he would tell me if it was a good one or a bad one, if he was getting anywhere or if the lead turned cold, but he never told me anything else.”

“Sam was a damned good detective,” Kennex nodded. “He knew how far to bend the rules to get results. But you’re his daughter, they know that. And with you working with Rudy, working with us, that puts you in the spotlight again. We’ll make sure you’re safe, but you need to get a gun and learn how to use it.”

“And tell us immediately if you feel like you’re being watched or followed,” Dorian added. “John, I’ve downloaded the footage. I would feel better if Captain Maldonado was viewing it with Ms. Williams.”

The detective nodded in agreement, his jaw ticking. “No arguments, Emily,” he leveled that look on her again. “How long will it take to finish your list?”

“There are too many stores in the city for me to write them all down,” she reached up to massage her temples. “Most… the sketchiest ones are near the Wall and in the Koln Avenue District. I’ll get it typed up and sent to you--”

“If I could see the list, I could scan and send it out,” Dorian suggested. “You won’t need to type it up.”

“Finish up that list and head to the precinct,” John instructed her. “And call me when you’re on your way.”

“I don’t have your number,” she pointed out.

He sighed heavily before turning toward her desk. He pulled her notebook toward him and leaned over to write something down on a blank page. “I should get your number, too.”

Emily joined him at the desk, carefully taking the pen he held out to her. She wrote down her number before adding her name and gingerly tore it from the notebook. “Don’t lose it, I don’t give my number out to just anyone. I don’t want it falling into the wrong hands.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t lose it,” he promised as he took a step back. “Let me know when you’re heading to the precinct.”

She nodded, looking up to meet his hazel eyes. “Detective?”

“Yeah?” He stopped his retreat.

“Am I in danger?” She blanched at the slight tremor in her voice, but it could not be helped. Dorian’s refusal to let her view the footage he’d uncovered scared her.

“I don’t know,” he shook his head, his brow furrowing. “Sweetheart, I’m not gonna lie to you. I really don’t know if this is just old footage or if there’s more to this than we know or understand.”

She wrapped her arms around herself, one hand on her shoulder, the other on her hip in a defensive hug. That one word hurt, a stinging reminder of the chilling rejection weeks before. She closed her eyes and drew in a slow, steadying if rattly breath before exhaling. “I… um… I appreciate you being honest,” she cleared her throat to speak. I’ll arrange with Dorian about learning how to handle a gun, even though I don’t want to.”

“Emily,” he stepped forward. “I won’t let anything happen to you. Your dad was--”

Emily held her hands up, “If that’s the only reason you’re protecting me, because of some sense of duty to my dad, don’t bother. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got work to do.”

“Emily--”

“I will call when I’ve got the list finished, Detective,” she turned her back to him and dropped into her chair before he could see the pain reflecting in her eyes. She reached for her notebook and pen, determined to focus on the job and not dwell on the hurtful words she’d stopped him from saying. But when her eyes dropped to the half-torn page and landed on the phone number and the words John had written down she clapped her hands over her mouth to keep from gasping out loud.

Put this in your phone and memorize it too. If you ever feel like you’re being watched or followed, call me. I don’t care what time it is. I’ll answer.-- John.

Tears burned and blurred her eyes as she reread the note. She knew that handwriting. She was achingly familiar with it.

It perfectly matched the words imprinted on her thigh.

Her dismissal stung.

John bit back a sigh before turning away from Emily to join Dorian and Rudy once more. “We should head back to the precinct. I need to talk to Maldonado and get that case file. And we need to figure out why that thing,” he pointed at the android on the table, lowering his voice, “was surveilling Emily.”

“I am running background checks on his previous owners,” Dorian murmured. “Perhaps there is a connection between one of them and the case Detective Williams had been working on.”

Kennex nodded. “Look for a connection to any of the cases he’d worked, including the ones he helped me with,” he suggested. “Rudy, keep me posted on anything else you learn about the T-1.”

“I am curious about the liquid in the hypodermic needle,” Rudy nodded toward the upgraded hand. “Once I’ve removed the hand I will take it to the crime lab.”

“Don’t leave Emily here alone,” John’s hazel eyes narrowed. “I don’t want her by herself.”

“I’ll wait and deliver it when she heads to the precinct later,” the scientist promised.

“Good. D, let’s go,” John tipped his head toward the stairs.

His eyes landed on Emily’s back as he turned to head out. “Let me know when you do, Rudy,” he tossed over his shoulder. “And have McGinnis call me with the results, too, will ya?”

“Sure thing, John,” Rudy replied.

Kennex reluctantly tore his eyes from Emily before jogging up the stairs behind Dorian. Once they stepped outside he glanced over at the DRN. “What else did you see, Dorian?”

“The earliest footage I’d found of Ms. Williams showed her with her father having dinner at a diner,” Dorian opened the passenger door of the car. “I also found footage of Detective Williams with you, your old partner Martin Pelham, and Captain Maldonado.”

John braced his right hand on the roof of the car as he glared at his partner. “On a case?”

“Yes, and at McQuade’s,” the android frowned worriedly. “There’s also footage of you in the hospital, John. With Ms. Williams.”

“How the hell--”

“Surveillance,” Dorian’s jaw tightened. “They hacked the surveillance.”

“How?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out.”

“You do that,” the detective muttered before climbing into the driver’s seat.

“The conversation you were having with Ms. Williams earlier seemed intense,” Dorian spoke up moments later.

“She thinks I’m only interested in protecting her because her dad was a friend,” John admitted. “She shut me out.” He reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose before dropping his hand to the wheel, “I remember one night Sam, Marty and I were on surveillance. Sam’s wife had called, something she never did unless it was an emergency. Lizzie was upset with herself for pushing Emily too hard about something and she shut down, shut her out.” He glanced over at Dorian before turning his attention back to the road. “Sam called Captain Hennings and pulled a few strings to get someone to replace him so he could go home. Hennings called my dad to come in. Sam didn’t open up about that phone call until shortly after Lizzie died. She was sick, Emily wasn’t taking it very well and when Liz wanted to talk about it, Emily shut down. It was… Sam said it was her default way of handling situations that upset her. She would shut down, shut everyone out if someone pushed her into opening up.”

“Like you?” Dorian watched his partner grimace. “You refuse to speak at the anger management classes.”

“That’s different,” John shot him a glare. “I’m not opening up to a damn stranger about my problems. Yes, I said problems. I’ve got ‘em. No group therapy session is going to help me come to terms with any of this,” he gestured toward his leg and head. “I shut down any attempt to get me to open up, I don’t completely shut down and shut everyone out for days on end.”

“No, you just threaten to throw them out on the freeway or you go to the shooting range to blow off steam,” Dorian shook his head. “How can you know for sure Ms. Williams shut you out?”

“The look in her eyes,” the detective frowned. “She was stunned, upset, scared, hurt, then nothing. It’s like she flipped a switch on her emotions. The blank look in her eyes told me she was shutting me out.” He gripped the steering wheel in a white-knuckled hold. “This case is already opening up some old wounds. I don’t want to add to it.” Any more than I already have, he added silently.

“Your concern for Ms. Williams seems to go deeper than her being your mentor’s daughter,” the DRN looked out the passenger window.

John’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. “I’m remembering bits and pieces of her visits,” he admitted. “Her conversations.”

“Is she your soulmate?”

Kennex glanced over, meeting his partner’s eyes. “I don’t know. She’s familiar to me, very familiar, but I don’t remember anything more than her scent, her touch, her voice. Her laugh.” The pillowy press of her lips on his stubbled cheek. Dorian did not need to know that. He cleared his throat as he focused on the road.

“She wrote her number down, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, it’s in my pocket.”

“You gonna compare her handwriting to your soulmark?” Dorian reached up to touch the St. Christopher’s medal still dangling from the rearview mirror.

John glared at the pendant. “No.”

He already knew Emily’s handwriting matched his soulmark. She’d left cards for him at the hospital for his birthday and for Christmas, even one for Valentine’s Day. Those were safely tucked away at home, along with a short note she had written and apparently discarded before Sandra had grabbed it and slipped it into his bag the day he was discharged from the hospital.

He huffed out a breath. “Even if she is, D, it’s not real until I remember.”

Dorian gave him an understanding smile. “Do you want her to be?”

“She’s too good for me,” he grumbled.

The DRN’s smile widened into a grin. “That’s true.”

“You’re not supposed to agree with me, Dorian,” he grumbled.

“And you didn’t answer my question,” Dorian pointed out.

“Not going to, either,” John pressed his foot down even more on the accelerator. “Let’s just focus on the case and find out why someone’s had Emily under surveillance. I have a feeling that damned android was planted at the crime scene and I want to know why.”

#almost human #john kennex #john kennex x ofc #soulmates #self harm

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beautifulharmonyrebel · 4 years ago

Link

Mind entanglement.

It is one thing that some people swear to make it work, some people think that it is B.S. And most of all, don't understand.

If you are among those who have heard of this before, but do not know what it is or how it works, I do not blame you. Google it and you will find a complex scientific explanation.

You will learn about frequencies and brainwaves and how the brain works and many other things that make your head spin. I'm surprised that you don't need to do a PhD to know about Brainwave Entrance, because honestly, it seems complicated at times and I'm a person who wants to know how to do it.

Therefore, with theta and gamma states, instead of giving you a more complex definition of it, I will ask you a basic question.

Have you ever had moments in your life when you thought you were "attracted"?

You know what i'm talking about? You walk on the street and you feel that people love you. They smile at you, shake their heads at you and you feel connected to the people around you.

You go to work and your boss is really agreeable and amazing to work. If it is the same every day, then you will love your job. You meet your friends and they are so kind and sociable and you feel that way.

Or maybe you too attract some amazing things in your life. You meet a wonderful person who becomes your significant other. Or some big amount comes from somewhere and you have no idea how it happened.

Has that ever happened to you?

Chances are it did.

Attract luck

This happened to all of us. We all have rare moments when everything starts working fine. In those moments, the universe comes in order and you get exactly what you want.

After a lot of good things happen to you, you scratch your head and you ask yourself two questions…

"How was it messed up for so long after everything in my life?"

And…

"How do I recreate it?"

The answer to both questions is simple. You were working at high vibration levels. You were keeping pace with the world around you and because of this; You were doing all that good and blissful.

This is nothing random. Perhaps you, as a person, saw and acted in exactly the same way. But your energy, the rate at which your body vibrates was very different. They were at an optimal rate and because of this, instead of facing disappointment and pain and loss as we usually do, you attracted love and money and success.

Its as simple as that.

Call it whatever you want, but when you are at a low frequency, you are disconnected by the people around you. You are banished from your world. You are like a piece of an engine that no longer fits. This causes friction. It hurts more than it helps.

When you are at a high vibration, high frequency, you look like a well, well maintained engine and everything comes to you effortlessly. Life works. And yes, maybe modern science cannot explain it, but it is true because we are all experiencing it.

Everyone, from average people to CEOs, experienced times in their lives where everything fell, where they would attract everything they wanted. And like you, they asked themselves how it all happened and what they can do for it again.

So where does brainwave entrance come into play?

It is a tool.

This is a device that we are very lucky to know about because it allows your brain to adapt and operate at that high vibration level. Brainwave syncing is for the human brain that is a Formula 1 pit crew for a high performance car.

It takes a worse situation than the sync brain, one that operates at very low frequency and attracts constant aches and pains and makes it work. It brings attention and energy and passion and elevates the vibration of the user to a level where his life changes completely. It is so effective that some people call it "smart drugs for the mind" or "the best self-development tool that was ever made". And I believe they are right. I have seen better results using Brainwave Entertainment than anything else. Better than reading, better than journaling, better than meditation, better than paying high price energy healers.

This is how Brainwave Entrance helps you.

Behind all those scientific words, behind all those imaginary words that almost no one understands, Brainwave Entertainment works because it amplifies your vibration. They help your brain function better. He made you harmonize with the universe. And they help you attract the right people and situations in your life.

I mean, just think what your life would be like if your every day was the best for you. If every day you have that rare energy and focus and passion that attracts the right people and situations in your life. If every day, instead of pain and problems and obstacles, you should bathe with good fortune.

Imagine how you can manifest your most precious goal in the next 24 hours. You can attract the person you love or attract money into your life or maybe get an opportunity to get ahead at work.

And now, depict a life where it happens every day, day in and day out, where good luck is not a rare occurrence, which happens twice a year, but a daily occurrence.

Do you want to do this?

Then I get what you want.

We have created a unique program designed to bring your mind to higher frequencies for discussion. It is plug and play. You do not need to do any homework with it. You do not need to research what the different frequencies do or how to use them properly.

You play them at night or while you are resting and it will gradually make your brain adapt and bend to the higher vibrations you want. It is like vitamin C. You listen to it and things get better, but when vitamin C will prevent you from having a cold and make your immune system better, what I have for you will help you manifest wealth, love, power or something else. . you.

So here's the deal.

I call this program "Manifestation Magic".

This is the only program that, as far as I know, is specifically designed to help you manifest what you desire in your life. Most brainwave entertainment programs are only designed to help you concentrate better or perhaps to have more mental strength.

It is commendable but I do not want you to do fast math in your head. I do not want to make you more productive. It is good but it will still take you years to get what you want.

I want you to manifest life as you wish.

I want to attract you, today, love, success, wealth, prosperity which is your right.

You don't have to study anything

You do not have to study.

You do not have to actively participate in it.

You need to use it and let the brainwave power tweak your brain and bring it to a higher level of vibration. You download it, keep it on your phone and play it tonight, before bedtime.

Playing audio while sleeping. You do not need to do anything special.

Put your headset on, listen and let it change. Then soon you will see how things are different in your life. How people are more receptive. You have not thought about opportunities from anywhere. How everything feels right and you know it's "your day".

And with the help of "Manifestation Magic", every day will be your day. Click the link here to learn more about how Manifestation Magic can help

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violetsmoak · 5 years ago

Text

Philtatos [12/?]

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20101543/chapters/47690671

Blanket Disclaimer

Summary: During a patrol where Red Hood and Red Robin cross paths, Jason is infected with the blood of the Eros, the ancient God of Love, who informs them that they must track down his missing bow and arrows, or Jason will go slowly mad with an obsessive desire–for Tim. Though overwhelmed by the sudden attention being paid to him, Tim sets to work trying to solve the case, before Jason succumbs to madness. In the meantime, Jason discovers that there’s more than godlike powers at work here, as well as a legacy that reaches back through the sands of time.

Rating: PG-13 (rating may change later)

Beta Reader: None at the moment.

JayTimBingo Prompts This Chapter: #undying love #reincarnation #secrets #oracle #betrayal #prophecy

First Chapter

________________________________________________________________

Tim might be on the verge of panicking.

“It’s handled, I promise,” he insists again, stomach tightening in dismay at how much Cassie isn’t buying it. “We’ve got a system.”

“A system,” she repeats in clear disbelief.

“Yes, a system. And yes, it has a few kinks—but it’s working! According to Eros, most people that have been infected with his blood completely lose it in days, but it’s been two weeks and Jason’s still himself.”

“And you actually trust Eros isn’t just saying things you want to hear?”

“Not even a little,” Tim acknowledges. “But considering what I’ve seen when Jason lapses into his episodes, he could be doing a lot worse right now.” He remembers the older man’s condition in the containment unit before Tim figured out how to help him. “A lot worse.”

“That doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.”

“Besides, Batman will flip if you guys descend on the city while he’s trying to deal with everything.”

“Do I look like I care?”

“Seriously, you know how possessive he gets of Gotham, but it’s turned up to 11 whenever the Family’s involved.” Especially when that family’s Jason; their issues aside, if Jason’s in trouble, Bruce will drop everything for him. “I think piling anything else on him right now would make his brain explode.”

Cassie snorts. “Might we worth it then.”

“Cassie….I promise. We’re okay,” Tim insists. “I’m okay. And Jason’s so freaked out about this, he’s been cooperating more with us now than he has since he came back from the dead. He was the one who reached out for help from B, even. None of us could ever have seen that coming.”

Whether she’s surprised or not by Tim’s words, she continues to look doubtful.

“So where is he now?” she asks instead. “I don’t see him with you.”

Tim shifts in discomfort, glad she can’t see his body language below his head and shoulders. “I did tell you things weren’t as bad as they could be. It’s not like he has to be constantly glued to my side.”

Doesn’t mean he does well when he’s far away, though.

“I’m probably in more danger from Dick right now, and we’ve got him on lock-down. Hopefully not for long, if I can get Eros to help. Or if Jason can help.”

Wonder Girl continues to look like she’s waiting for a more convincing argument on Tim’s end, but he knows she trusts him. After doubting him when he believed Bruce was still alive and lost in time, she’s become the first one to believe even his most farfetched ideas and theories.

“Alright,” she says at last. “I’ll back off. For now. But I fully expect you to check in with me on the regular.” She jabs a finger in his direction. “If you go radio-silent on me again, we’re showing up there whether your or Batman like it or not.”

“Got it.”

“I mean it, Tim. I expect you to text me every hour or two to check in. And gods all help you if you’re downplaying any of this.”

“Acknowledged.”

She gives him one last worried look and then says, “Okay then. Take care. And I’ll talk to you in a few hours.”

“Yeah.”

“Good luck.”

The call ends and Tim lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. That was a close one.

“Does it ever bother you, how good you are at lying?” Steph’s voice asks from behind him and he winces.

Not out of the woods yet, I guess.

“Lies are a necessary evil in our line of work,” Tim dismisses, turning around to face her. She’s clearly returned to see if Bruce left him in pieces, which is both appreciated and slightly annoying. “You of all people know that.”

She snorts, acknowledging the dig, but doesn’t comment on it. Instead, she stays her course. “I’m not talking about our line of work; I’m talking about with your friends.”

“If it will protect—"

“They’re offering to help, Tim. I don’t know if we’re exactly in a position to be looking down on that.”

“We’re not at that point yet,” Tim insists.

“Oh, really? Sure you’re not avoiding accepting help because you don’t want any other people knowing about your feelings for Jason?”

His cheeks burn. He should have known she wasn’t going to just leave it. “That’s not it.”

“Really? Because honestly, if you’re ashamed of this—of him—that’s a pretty good indicator that this thing with him isn’t a good idea.”

“You think I don’t know it’s not a good idea?!” Tim snaps, his forced calm abandoning him all at once. “Like I don’t remember every reason why it can’t work? Or everything Jason’s done?”

What he could still do. Because if—when we fix him, it’s not like he’s going to stick around. Even if he’s not sick of looking at me after being forced to want me, he’s not about to settle down in Gotham and follow Bruce’s rules.

He clenches his fists, takes a breath and talks himself back down.

“I’m aware of all of this. I just don’t find it a good use of my time to fixate on something that’s not going to change.”

Steph is wary. “Sounds like you’re the one under some kind of spell.”

“Yeah, well, if I am, then it started years before we met Eros,” he mutters, earning a confused look from Steph.

“What do you mean? Like when he first came back?” She appears thoughtful and then shocked. “No way. You mean when you were following him and B around as a kid? There’s no way—!”

“It was different back then,” Tim defends, feeling something inside him loosen a little. He’s been holding this one secret back for so long, and with everything going on, something’s got to give. “It wasn’t what it is now. I was drawn to him. More than Dick. There was something about Jason that…” He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I felt a connection with him. I really can’t explain it. It should have gone away when he died.”

He remembers that dark time, and how it felt like a part of his insides had rotted away upon hearing the news of Jason’s death. How he hadn’t even been allowed to grieve openly about it because he technically hadn’t known the older boy.

Hell, it should have gone away when he came back.

Even now he can still feel the impact of fists beating him down, of wire cutting into his throat and the searing slice of metal ripping into his chest.

“But it didn’t. It just…got buried in everything else that was going on. And then…”

“Be my Robin.”

“Hey there, Replacement.”

“I wasn’t always the nicest guy in the world to you.”

“Timbers!”

“Sorry you got dragged into this.”

“Aw, babybird…”

“You did good.”

“And then it all came back,” Tim concludes, defeated.

Steph is still looking at him, mouth parted in surprise that flounders for a response to that. He decides not to give her the opening for it this time.

“Forget it. As I said, it doesn’t matter. The point I’m trying to make is I know it can’t go anywhere, and that I don’t expect it to. And the fewer people who know about it, the fewer people I have to put up with pitying me when everything goes back to normal.”

“And by normal, you mean back to you bottling it up and hurting yourself,” Steph reminds him with a scowl.

“I don’t know where you’ve been the past few years but that sort of comes with the territory.”

“Tim—”

“I have to update Bruce on what Cassie told me about Eros’ arrows.”

She rolls her eyes. “Oh, awesome subject change. Real subtle.”

“We don’t have time for subtle,” he shrugs and heads for the study. She follows him, and he can practically hear her grinding her teeth at him.

Guess I should just be glad that Cass isn’t here too, or that would have gone very different…

He knows Steph still isn’t satisfied with his answers, but he doesn’t care. At least bringing up the mission, he might be able to buy himself an hour or so before she starts again.

Taking the stairs down to the cave, he coaches himself to pretend like this is a normal case and that nothing of note happened down here. That Dick isn’t locked up on the lower levels, and that Jason didn’t kiss Tim and then run away.

He’s gratified to find Barbara is already there when he gets downstairs, just pulling herself into the wheelchair friendly area they designed for the conference table.

“Tim,” she greets right away, a wan smile on her face. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m not the one in trouble,” he dismisses. “Jason is.”

“It’s why I’m here, kiddo. I think what he had me working on is related to everything that’s happening right now.”

“Explain,” Bruce commands.

“Shouldn’t we wait to get Jason back first?” Tim asks.

“I would, but I get the sense this is time-sensitive,” Barbara replies, jaw set as she brings out a thick metal disk that Tim recognizes as a microprojector. “Jason contacted me wanting to see what I could dig up on Carrie Cutter’s recent movements. It led us to her involvement in the murder of a girl we believe to be the actual Oracle of Delphi.”

“That’s not possible,” Damian says. “The last Oracle of Delphi disappeared before the fall of Rome.”

“More likely, moved underground,” Bruce muses.

“Exactly,” Barbara agrees. “I searched the web and official data servers and couldn’t find any information about the information besides what was in the newspapers. No surveillance, no video, audio—nothing. So I sent Duke to investigate the site.” She taps the device on the table and a holographic image appears, projecting a likeness of Signal in front of them at one-eighth the size. “He just arrived there.”

“What took so long?” Damian huffs.

“Unlike you rich kids, Greek wasn’t one of my high school electives,” Duke's voice deadpans across the comm line. “And real-time language translation software doesn’t exactly pick up the regional dialects very well.”

“Have you had time to go over the scene?” Tim asks.

“Not yet. Better to have you guys standing by instead of having to tell it all again later.”

“Even if this oracle said anything, Signal’s abilities don’t allow him to hear sounds,” Bruce points out.

“Witnessing everything firsthand will still give us a better idea of what’s going on,” Barbara answers.

“Might give you a better idea,” Duke replies. “It’s just going to give me nightmares.”

“What do you see?” Bruce asks.

There’s a sigh. “It’s not pretty…”

Right now, Tim is glad Jason isn’t around. Child deaths hit him hard.

“There’s a family sitting down for a meal,” Duke relates. “Mother, grandmother maybe—and the kid, it looks like. And she’s not just blind like Oracle’s reports said—she doesn’t have eyes at all.”

Steph swears.

“She hears something. Looks up. Mom’s heading for the door, and—and that’s Cutter. Exactly like the picture in her dossier. She’s just walking in and she—okay, that’s weird.”

“What?”

“She didn’t just burst in here with knives drawn. And she’s…kneeling?”

“That’s weird, right?” Steph asks.

“Oracles were intermediaries for the gods,” Barbara says. “It’s probably a formality. Like not turning your back on a king or something.”

“Cutter’s asking her something. Can’t really get the right angle to see what it is though. Now the girl’s talking.” A long pause. “She seems to have a lot to say. And Cutter’s hanging on to every word.” He glances at something invisible to the rest of them. “Mom and Grandma there seem more worried about all this than she is. If this kid’s a seer, you’d think she’d know what’s about to happen and try to—oh.”

He looks away then, the image of him balling his hands into fists.

There’s no need to ask why.

“It was quick,” he says after a moment, his voice heavy with anger and something else. “For her, at least. Not so much for the others. And she’s leaving now—that’s.”

He shakes his head, coming back to the present.

“Is there any indication of what the girl said to cause Cutter or whatever god is possessing her to lash out?” Bruce wants to know.

“Not really. I mean, I’ll try watching it again but—wait.” His image goes utterly still for a few seconds and then startles. “Okay, you guys are not going to believe this.”

“Stop drawing things out and get to the point!” Damian commands.

“Robin,” Bruce reprimands, earning a scowl but compliance. “What is it, Signal?”

“She’s talking in English.”

That makes them all look at each other.

“Are you sure?” Tim asks, at the same time Steph wants to know, “How can you be sure?”

“I know I haven’t got as much lip-reading practice as you guys, but I’ve gotten good enough to recognize someone speaking English,” Duke deadpans. “And everything this girl said, she said it in English.”

“That’s not possible,” Barbara says, frowning. “No one in the area speaks English. I checked.”

“Maybe she’s been getting private lesso—whoa.” He straightens up then, posture more alert. “Missed that before. She’s not looking at Cutter while she’s talking like I thought she was.”

“That matters?”

“Little bit, I think. Since she’s looking at me.”

Tim’s mouth parts a bit. “What?”

“She knew you were going to be there,” Barbara realizes.

“Tell us what she’s saying,” Bruce orders.

“Give me a sec. It’s not like an instant replay button, you know.”

Everyone waits with bated breath as Duke tenses again and focusses. Then he speaks, careful and halting.

“' The…unseen…darkness…cannot keep…it’s captive…for mortal masks…the divine that seeks—'” Duke stops and shakes his head. “It’s too fast after that. Going to take some time to get the whole thing.”

Barbara breathes out something that could be a curse. “It’s a prophecy. An actual prophecy from the Oracle of Delphi.”

“Duke, make sure you record every single word exactly as it’s said,” Bruce orders. “With ancient prophecies, the smallest inaccuracy can change the entire meaning.”

“You suddenly believe in prophecies, B?” Duke asks.

“No. I believe in having the most complete picture possible. And rushing you will compromise that. Take the time you need to transcribe what she said and upload it to the system.” Bruce straightens up. “We’ll figure out the meaning behind it once we have the whole thing.”

“Whatever you say, boss. Shouldn’t take more than a few viewings for me.”

His image sputters and then vanishes.

“I know you’re good and all, Bruce, but ancient prophecies were created to be beyond what humans could understand,” Barbara points out. “And even if you figure out everything, there’s still all the double and hidden meanings.”

“We have access to Eros, though,” Damian points out. “Have him decipher it.”

Bruce shakes his head. “We can’t trust that he won’t twist the meaning for his own gain.”

“Or we can just ask Jason,” Tim points out.

“What?”

“Well, apparently part of being infected by the blood of a god means being able to read the languages and word of the gods. So somehow, his brain is operating on the same plane or wiring that Olympian gods do,” Tim explains. “Stands to reason he might be able to shed light on things that way.” There’s an air of hesitation in the air, and he continues, “Besides, we have to find him anyway. Other than the fact he might be hurt right now, Cassie said there’s a possibility he could help cure Dick.”

“How?” Damian demands immediately.

“Convoluted Olympian reasons,” Tim says, not wanting to get into it. “The point is, we need to find Jason before we do anything else.”

He meets and holds Bruce’s gaze, almost challenging him to find something more important. There’s a beat where the older man considers him with the full Batman calculation, and then he nods.

“Then we’re going to need the most up to date information on his usual bolt holes. You have the most up-to-date list.”

Tim is hesitant.

There are several safe houses he knows of that he’s sure no one else in the Family is aware of, not even Barbara. He’s kept to himself what he knew because Jason values his privacy. He won’t be happy if Tim rats him out.

But then again.

It’s been almost two hours since Jason left, and the last time he was away from me for so long things didn’t go well. He could be sitting in a corner with slit wrists for all we know.

His stomach twists painfully at the mental image, and that’s what decides him.

“Okay,” he says, and slides over the computer to type the addresses and coordinates of the mental list he’s been keeping.

Twelve locations pop up on the giant map of Gotham. Bruce’s eyebrows draw together as they rove over three that he clearly didn’t know about. If anyone thinks it’s odd that Tim has such detailed knowledge of Jason’s comings and goings, no one mentions it. Instead, Bruce’s shoulders set and he turns to the others.

“We’ll cover the ground faster if we split up,” he declares. “Alfred will stay here in case he comes back to the manor on his own. Stephanie, cover these three—” He gestures to the blinking dots across the East End, “—Damian, the ones off the Financial District. I’ll take the docks and Tricorner—”

“What about me?” Tim interrupts.

“You’re still benched.”

“I know that. But shouldn’t I still come alone to calm him down?”

“No. You need to remain in one place so it’s easier to bring him to you if required.”

Tim wants to argue, but he knows Bruce has a point. Whether Jason elects to return to the manor on his own or the others find him, they need to know where to bring him.

“It’s just as well,” Barbara says. “We need to speak to Eros. We can go to Tim’s place and wait there.”

“He’s unlikely to be honest,” Bruce says.

“Maybe, but even lies can give us an idea of the truth. You see it a lot in historiography. Lots of sources are biased, the trick is to get as many as possible to form the most accurate picture possible.”

Tim pounces on the opportunity to do something.

“We can get Eros to tell us what all this means, and then we ask Jason when we find him. He’ll be able to fill in anything that might have gotten ‘lost’ in Eros’ version.”

“Assuming he’s even lucid anymore,” Steph asks. “How do we know he hasn’t devolved into a gibbering idiot already?”

“He hasn’t,” Tim says immediately.

“And you know this how?”

He recalls the mysterious blades Jason was so evasive about. “I just do.”

Stephanie’s eyes narrow, and he knows she’s likely trying to decide how much of his confidence is justified and how much is due to his feelings.

As if I’d be that unprofessional, he thinks in annoyance as he goes to copy the recording of Duke’s findings.

“Let’s go,” Bruce says and turns toward the stairs. Then he pauses. “And Tim?”

“Yeah?”

“Civvies only. I haven’t changed my mind about that.”

Tim rolls his eyes but decides to allow it—for now. “Okay, Bruce.”

“Come on, kiddo, let’s go,” Barbara says, wheeling toward the elevator. “Time to interrogate a god.”

He makes a face. “Are you sure you want to subject yourself to that? He’s kind of a jerk.”

“I spent the last ten years dealing with immature man-children. This will be a breeze.”

⁂

“Now that we’ve got the broad terms of the agreement sorted out, there is one tiny, slight hiccup,” Eros says.

“Only the one?” Jason retorts, unimpressed, rubbing at the site of the wound which started all of this.

“Only one that matters,” the Olympian says. “See, I did have a vial of Stygian Sleep on me—always do, since you never know when you need to make a quick escape from a family dinner.”

“Right…”

“But like I said, I wasn’t expecting you two to burst into my digs—just like I wasn’t expecting bird boy to lock me in this glorified hamster cage. So that vial is still hidden in one of the pieces on display at my warehouse.”

Jason groans. “Which was repossessed by the cops right after we busted it up.”

“Probably.”

“So now a deadly Olympian poison is in evidence lock-up at GCPD headquarters?”

“Possibly? Though they won’t even know what it is or where it is. It’s hidden in something that looks like a stone slab, so I doubt they’ll be cracking it open looking for drugs or anything.”

“It still leaves me with the problem of gettin' in there and grabbin' it, doesn’t it?” Jason snarls.

He paces a bit back and forth, trying to think up the best way to get inside without attracting attention. He’s got his own base of operations under the building, but he’s not keen on potentially burning that location just for the sake of finding Eros’ lost property.

Assuming it’s even there in the first place. Maybe it’s still back at the docks; they might not have confiscated everything yet. Unlikely, but possible. I’ll have to go there first. Possibly run into whatever scavengers or light security force is hanging about.

Not something he wants to do when he’s this compromised.

“Look at that, I can practically see the cogs spinning behind that sexy brow,” Eros says. “Hopefully whatever you come up with is more successful than your last plan.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, in your dramatic entrance, you seem to have forgotten to let me know how the ritual went. Since you’re here and my arrows aren’t, obviously you failed.”

“And got shot for my trouble,” Jason grumbles. “Speakin' of, any idea why your all-powerful arrows wouldn’t work on me, but they did on my br—on Nightwing?”

“The golden arrows can’t invalidate a match that they’re responsible for creating,” Eros says. “To do that, you’d have to be hit first with a leaden arrow to invalidate the feelings.”

“But we weren’t hit with any arrows this lifetime. Think we would have noticed by now.”

“Not in this life. Keep up, precious. You were joined together with Patroklus since the first time you were alive. Normally, that kind of bond vanishes with death—the whole Lethe deal, right?”

“…Normally.”

“But you died loving each other. Your last thoughts in both your lives have always been on each other. That’s powerful magic, older than me even. It seems to have given you a measure of protection your Nightwing doesn’t have, by confusing the diviners into thinking you’re still matched.”

“So I’m what, immune?” That could be a good thing.

“Maybe? I wouldn’t put money on it. You probably just got lucky. If you get hit by the lead one next time, it could sever even that. So, try not to get shot again, m’kay?”

“Great advice,” Jason seethes.

Though if he didn’t have any kind of connection to Tim, it would be that much simpler to foil the machinations of this entitled godling and whatever entity is working with Carrie Cutter.

The instant the thought enters his mind, he wants to throw up. The idea of hating Tim now—even though he can remember what that felt like—sends a visceral terror slamming into him with the same force of the Joker’s crowbar.

So much for having any kind of advantage in this whole situation.

Damn it, what am I even supposed to do about Tim?

His personal feelings (and the supernatural infection) aside, the best thing would be to avoid him. He’s not quite sure how he’ll be able to interact with or even just be around the younger man now that he knows the truth. Especially since with every passing minute he’s remembering more bits and pieces of lives long forgotten—he recalls the promises they made each other, can remember the feel of Tim’s skin beneath his fingers and the taste of his lips—

Stop it.

No, he can’t tell him.

Tim, like both of his past lives, will put what he thinks are Jason’s needs in front of his own. Worse, it will all be him humoring him, which puts a sour taste in Jason’s mouth. The idea of devaluing the bond between them that has spanned time and space and civilizations is almost as painful as the knowledge that bond is about to be severed—and by him, no less.

There’s a distant sound of a motor, the hum of the secret garage door of the Nest opening, and Jason tenses.

Shit. Tim.

He needs to get out of here before he’s noticed.

Except, he can’t seem to make his limbs move.

If he were completely himself, he could be out of here in an instant without even evidence that he was here. But—

But Tim is close. He’s nearby and—

And Jason knows that he’s not going to get anything done unless he gets a fix, something to hold him over while he figures out the next step in his plans.

Shit, now I’m comparing him to drugs. What the hell.

Somehow, the decision to not leave before Tim allows him some measure of movement.

Jason shoves the gold coin into his pocket—he can figure out what to do with it later—and forces himself to act. He has to delete whatever surveillance footage is on the Nest from the last hour before Tim arrives.

He can’t have him knowing what’s going on. Not unless Jason can think of a better explanation than, ‘hey, by the way, reincarnation is real, and we used to be in love with each other and I’m pretty much looking at a suicide mission in my near future.’

That definitely won’t go over well.

He looks up as a car pulls in, tires barely squealing to a stop before Tim is out the door.

“Jason!”

He’s in civvies now, less covered in grime and bruises than before, and instead of a mask, he’s wearing dark shades to hide his eyes.

Jason swallows the growing lump in his throat and fights down the temptation to hurry forward and wrap his arms around the smaller man. Seeing Tim now—now that he’s remembering—Jason is reliving moments long forgotten, soft laughter in his ear and fingers running through his hair and warmth and safety and—

He inhales sharply, shaking away the images.

That’s over, he tells himself as Tim comes to a stop a few paces in front of him.

“You’re here?” His surprised expression blossoms with what Jason can only describe as relief, even though he can’t understand the reason behind it. He doesn’t remember their pasts, he has no reason to care about Jason beyond the parameters of this mission.

“Yeah,” he replies cautiously, folding his arms and taking a half-step backward.

He needs to keep his distance, no matter how much his fingers are twitching to thumb Tim’s lower lip, how much he wants to wrap him in his arms, bury his face in the crook of his neck and—

“I needed a face-to-face with the source of all our problems,” he says, voice hoarse as he nods toward Eros.

“He was very rude,” the Olympian agrees. “Told me he’d kill me and everything. Isn’t that right, Jason?”

Tim barely spares a glance at Eros, face still pulled into a concerned frown as he steps forward. “I was worried. Driving in your condition, you could have gotten into another accident.”

“Someone gave me a lift.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s…” Tim trails off, perhaps seeming a little lost before his features arrange themselves into careful blankness. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

He reaches out to put his hand on Jason’s shoulder, and Jason pulls back.

“Not a good idea.”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Really? Have you looked in the mirror? Your pale and sweating, your eyes are bloodshot and your knees look like they’re about to give out under you.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

“Well, neither are you,” he shoots back. “Why are you even here? You shouldn’t be anywhere near me after I…”

He trails off, remembering suddenly that they’re not alone.

“You just shouldn’t be here,” he finishes, a little lamely.

Eros is watching all of this with a smarmy grin on his face, and when Jason hears a noise behind him, he turns in time to see Babs just lowering herself out of the passenger seat of the car into her wheelchair. She’s also wearing dark tinted glasses to hide her identity, and he sort of wishes he had thought to do the same before staggering in here to confront the Olympian.

Tim continues to frown at Jason like he’s trying to figure out a puzzle, and then his expression softens a bit.

“Let’s talk, okay?” he offers. “Just talk. Like adults, okay?”

“Oh, this should be good,” Eros says, and the asshole actually rubs his hands together.

This time, Tim shoots him a glare. “Not here.”

“Take your time,” Barbara says, wheeling closer to the containment unit and glaring up at Eros. “Tweety Bird and I need to have a little chat anyway. There are a few things that probably make more sense from the original source.”

From the way she’s looking at the Olympian, if it were anyone else, Jason would feel sorry for him; considering what he’s holding over Jason’s head, he kind of hopes Barbara has him crying before the end of the night.

Before he can get too detailed with his inner imaginings of how to make the god of love miserable, the hair on the back of his neck and arms raises and Tim walks passed him—worryingly close to him—and heads for the entrance to his apartment. “Coming?”

And he really, really shouldn’t.

But the hunger that isn’t hunger is stronger, starving just to be in the same general radius as the younger man.

How am I supposed to sneak off to find Eros’ supply of Stygian Sleep if I can’t even think around this?

He tells himself it’s purely tactical, that he’s just getting his fix of being around Tim, enough to make getting out of here and getting what he needs to complete his deal with Eros.

“Fine,” he replies, voice strained.

He follows Tim out of the Nest, keeping a carefully calculated distance between them as long as he can. Once inside the apartment, Tim heads for the kitchen and opens the fridge.

“You hungry?” he asks, as casually as if Jason just happened by for a visit—except it’s not casual, because it’s never happened. “After everything that’s happened tonight, you need to keep your energy up.” He pauses and then looks apologetic. “I mean the fight with Carrie and your magic swords, not the, uh, other—”

“I’m sorry,” Jason blurts out. “About what happened.”

“Jason—”

“I wasn’t thinkin'—shit, obviously I wasn’t thinkin'—but I figured I had a handle on the impulses.”

“It’s not—”

“You shouldn’t even want to be around me right now.”

“Jason, it’s okay,” Tim insists, slamming the fridge door and raising his voice. “I just didn’t think you were at the point where you…I didn’t think you wanted—”

“Well, neither did I!”

Jason’s still not sure if it was the infection that prompted him to make a move on Tim, or the latent memories trying to get out. If anything, the kiss is what woke him up, so maybe it was the latter.

In which case, it’s even more important to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

“We’re not doing this…this anymore,” he decides gesturing between them. “You’ve already let me push the boundaries on this one way too far, and you shouldn’t be expected to let someone full-on grope you—"

“You didn’t grope me.”

“Whatever I did, it wasn’t okay because you don’t want me to—"

“I want you to,” Tim says, so quickly that he blushes, looking like he surprised himself.

Jason freezes, wondering if he’s hearing things. He takes an extra few seconds to review that. “What.”

“Not like that,” Tim rushes to explain, words tripping over each other; he glances away. “I mean—it’s just…it’s not as big an issue as you’re making it. Don't look at me like that, it's not a big deal. In the grand scheme of stuff you’ve done to me, kissing me doesn’t even register at the top of the Horrible Things That Could Happen List.”

“Stop tryin' to make me feel better. You suck at it.”

“I’m not just trying to make you feel better. It really could be worse.” His words continue to rush into each other, betraying his obvious discomfort. “And I know you won’t read into it beyond this being me helping you, and we’re all aware of your views on consent, so I know you didn’t mean anything by it. And it’s not like if I had to make out with Ra’s al-Ghul, right?”

Jason growls, remembering Eros’ threat. “Thanks for that scarring imagery, and the comparison with the creepiest creeper we know. That makes me feel so much more on board with this.”

“The point is if it’s something that helps you, if this grounds you…if you want to…whatever it is, I’m okay with it.”

And doesn’t that just tear into Jason?

“There’s two people involved in this, Tim!” he snaps. “And I’m not okay with it just because it’s supposed to help me. If you even knew…”

Knew what I want to do with you. To you. What we’ve already done, and you don’t even remember—!

“Look, we just can’t, okay?”

Tim lets out a frustrated puff of air. His cheeks puff in a way that has Jason swallowing hard, contemplating how suspicious it would seem if he took off back to the cave.

“Okay, let’s try a compromise here,” Tim says after a minute. “What if we made a list?”

Jason blinks and can’t help glancing back. “What?”

“Of things that we can both agree beforehand are…acceptable. If I’m telling you beforehand exactly what is and isn’t okay, then maybe you won’t feel so much like you’re taking advantage if you need to—if you need to do something to anchor yourself.”

“Tim…”

“No, listen—you were right before. Me just giving a blanket statement that everything’s okay, it isn’t me being honest with you. This way, we can both have boundaries.” Jason is already gearing up to protest until Tim adds, “It might not be a long-term solution, but it’s something, right? And anything not on the list, you can just ask or try to remember if you have the sudden compulsion to do something. And if I’m not comfortable with it we can—I don’t know, try to redirect somehow.”

“You mean if I suddenly get the urge to stick my tongue down your throat?” Jason deadpans. “Give you a warnin' so you can knock me out?”

Tim’s cheeks flare pink. “Um…not…exactly. But yeah. That’s sort of the idea.”

“Except I couldn’t stop myself before,” he points out. “What makes you think I’ll be able to now?”

Tim thinks about it, bites his lip—oh, don’t do that, please don’t do that—and then shrugs. “I trust you.”

So not a good answer, kid.

As if he can sense the direction of his thoughts, Tim narrows his eyes and juts his chin out. "I do."

“This is such a bad idea,” Jason croaks.

“Got any better ones? Whether we manage to cure you or not, we’re on limited time here. We’ve all been trained to withstand torture for days. I know you can do this.”

Just what every guy wants to hear—that the person they’re hitting on is comparing it to torture.

And that’s what it would be, too, for Jason at least.

But he’s still thinking about it—gods above, he’s thinking about it.

Because this is Patroklus and Hephaestion all over; this is Tim. Always has a plan, always has a scenario and an answer to everything. He means it as an olive branch, but Jason can’t help seeing it as a lifeline.

I should just tell him. If I tell him, we can figure this out together.

But he can’t.

Because he remembers.

Letting Patroklus plan, giving him the reigns of control, allowing him to know the full story, that’s only ever gotten him killed. In both their previous lives he planned everything in their lives around Achilleus or Alexandros’ legacy—around his glory and survival.

At least keeping Tim in the dark will keep his mind on the case—on stopping Carrie and her unnamed god friend from unleashing whatever trouble they’re seeking on Gotham. The city needs Tim’s brains focused on that, not on Jason’s past lives’ feelings.

As it is, in the long run, it won’t matter. There might be a cure for Jason’s condition, but Eros all but told him he’s not going to be the one benefitting from it. Even if they find the diviners beforehand, Eros has made it clear what will happen.

What’s the point of bringing it all up when there’s no getting out of it?

Jason’s pretty much signed a new death warrant for himself and he won’t just be going to the green paradise of his memories when this is over. And he won’t be seeing Tim or any version of him ever again.

He studies Tim now, watching him shift uncomfortably as he waits for Jason’s response to his plan. A plan that is hopeful and sweet in the face of a life they both know is anything but. Ignorant of the entire situation, Tim is still trying to give Jason as long as he can as himself.

Which, if I’m going to be spending an eternity alone in some fresh patch of hell…why can’t I have a few days?

Being with Tim as long as possible, even if Tim doesn’t remember the truth of it all…maybe that would be okay.

He feels his misgivings ebb away—gods, I’m weak—and allows himself to relax.

“So,” he begins, tentative, “what would be a definite ‘no’ for you?”

Tim’s eyes widen incrementally, surprise flashing across his features, but he is quick to hide it. He obviously wasn’t expecting Jason to give in.

Tilting his head to one side in thought, he is silent a further few seconds, and then says, “Don’t slap my ass.”

It’s so unexpected that Jason can’t help the startled laugh. “Really?”

“I mean, I might forgive that sort of thing in private, but in front of other people definitely not. I always found it kind of tacky.” Tim pulls out one of the stools along the kitchen island and sits down in a careful attempt to be casual.

“I’m insulted you think that I’d slap someone’s ass in any situation.”

“I’ve seen you slap Roy Harper’s ass.”

“Bullshit.”

“You know how much surveillance footage we have archived of you and the Outlaws?”

“Fine. Stalker.” But the word is more affectionate than anything else. “But to be fair, it’s Roy. He does it too. It’s a…a brother’s thing.”

Mostly. Except not really. And I really hope that all that surveillance footage doesn’t extend to the interior of Kori’s ship…

“Really.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And how many times have you and Dick played ‘slap-the-ass’?” The minute the words are out, Tim turns red and makes a face like he’s just had the oxygen sucked out of his lungs; Jason himself is having a bit of trouble breathing. “I did not mean it like that,."

His face falls into his hands.

“Gods, I hope not. Way to add to the list of shit I need therapy to deal with.” Noting the younger man’s utter mortification, Jason decides it’s high time they moved this discussion along. “Okay. Fine. So, what else? No mackin' on you, obviously.”

“I told it’s fine.”

“I can tell by your tone it’s not.”

He gets a frustrated look for that, and then Tim rolls his eyes and huffs. “I’d prefer if you have to, not to do it around anyone in the Family. We’ve got enough issues to deal with beyond the commentary and worried staring. But more than that, I’m not a huge fan of PDA. It’s uncomfortable.”

Jason thinks about it and nods.

“I guess I can understand that,” he muses. “You get followed around by the paparazzi all the time. Sucks havin' people’s attention on you all the time.”

“It’s not just that. When I was a kid, my parents…well, they just were never the overly affectionate type. I’m not saying I was deprived,” he is quick to add when Jason’s brows begin to draw together, “I was just used to a more reserved kind of affection. Because in public, it all became an act. The spotlight was on us to look overly warm and loving and…it was basically the Drake version of Brucie.”

Jason gags.

“Ever since then, I try to avoid having people look at me like I’m their entertainment unless I’ve planned it out that way.”

There’s a wary, almost vulnerable edge to Tim’s words that make Jason think that this is the first time he’s ever told anyone this rather personal bit of information. He’s simultaneously grateful to have Tim’s trust, while at the same time wondering if this is just him exposing himself to make Jason feel better about his own vulnerabilities.

“What else?” he asks, hesitant but at the same time desperate for him to keep talking. To keep opening up to him.

Tim thinks again. “Uh…don’t touch my neck.”

“Huh?”

“Like, don’t rest your arms along the back of my neck, or hold it with your palm. Shoulders are okay, but my neck, that’s…I don’t like it.”

And that’s…oddly specific. Before he can fully form a question about why that is, he’s hit by another flash of memory. This one, however, isn’t of warmth or safety, but of Jason himself holding Tim up high, wire wrapped around his throat and choking the life out of him.

His heart thuds in dismay and realization.

“I’m sorry.”

“Jason—”

“What I did to you wasn’t right.”

“We’ve been over this already—”

“We’ll never be completely over it,” Jason cuts him off. “It’s always going to be there, in the background of everythin'.” He clenches his fists. “I was puttin' my anger on the wrong person, and you got hurt because of it.”

“You weren’t in your right mind back then.”

“And how many creeps have we locked away for crimes they committed when they weren’t ‘in their right mind’?” Jason counters.

“The difference is that before this situation—before what was done to you—you were a good person. You protected people—you protected kids like me. And you're still a good person where it counts.”

Jason recalls three blood-soaked lifetimes that disprove everything Tim just said. “I was never a good person.”

“Agree to disagree.”

“No, there’s no disagreein', there’s just fact. I’ve been damaged since before I was stupid enough to get caught by the Bat.” Jason takes a step back. “We need to forget about this. After everythin' I did to you, this is a bad idea—”

“Jason, for god’s sake would you—” Tim stops talking all of a sudden, touches the comm in his ear. Then he scowls. “On our way.”

“What’s going on?”

“Babs needs us back,” Tim replies in a flat, irritated tone. Clearly he's not happy to have been interrupted. “Duke’s sending along what he found in Delphi. That’s actually another reason we wanted to find you.” He levels a sharp look at Jason. “I think it’s important we continue this conversation, but not now.”

“Small miracles,” Jason mutters under his breath.

“Probably not. Based on what Duke and Babs have said, apparently there’s a prophecy involved in all this.”

“Of fuckin' course there is,” Jason groans. "Does it say I got a starrin' role in it?"

I swear, if this involved me being a Chosen anything again, I’m out. I’ve done enough of that for three lifetimes…

"I guess we're about to find out."

Tim stands up and heads for the door to his base, and then pauses to look back at Jason. He raises an eyebrow, somehow challenging and questioning at the same time, and then holds his hand out.

Jason stares at it for a moment, almost the same way he would assess an enemy for hidden weapons, but it's just Tim's hand and he hasn't touched him in hours...

Every argument against it has already crumbled before he's reached out to lace his fingers through Tim's.

"You fight dirty," he accuses, weary.

"You like it."

That's entirely the problem, babybird.

⁂⁂⁂

________________________________________________________________

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