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echodrops · 3 years ago

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Finally Finished Endwalker

I was delayed a lot by work, but I finally managed to finish Endwalker and boy do I have Thoughts™.

Under the read more to hide spoilers, but if you’re on mobile and the read more didn’t work, please be aware the rest of this post is full to brim with

Endwalker spoilers!

Things I Loved:

1. That entire sequence in Garlemald hit like a truck. Watching Jullus recognize the trauma he had experienced was deeply moving. “Alea Iacta Est” was one of the most atmospheric and stage-setting quests in the game.

2. The humor sprinkled in throughout that kept the otherwise ridiculously dark storyline from becoming too overwhelming. Finding out Estinien is actually terrible with money, that Urianger curls into a ball when he feels sick, and that Alphinaud has fanboys was all so emotionally relieving after the literal crushing despair of the plot’s main events.

3. Vrtra. Just... Everything about Vrtra, especially his relationship with Estinien. Watching Estinien play big brother to a fifty-ton dragon with self-esteem issues is just so heartwarming and fantastic. I absolutely love the way dragons are handled in FFXIV--they both fulfill that ancient dragon lore itch, of the towering beast that ferociously guards its hoard (in Vrtra’s case, the hoard is people), but the FFXIV dragons are also all incredibly unique characters with decidedly human personalities, challenges, and feelings. Seeing Estinien find such respect and care for the First Brood continues to delight over and over again.

4. Lunatender... Lunatender...

5. The character interactions were absolutely what makes Endwalker. FFXIV in general would not receive nearly as much acclaim if it weren’t for the genuine love that goes into the writing of each character and their interactions with others. Alphinaud proving himself to his father, Urianger finding closure for Moenbryda’s death through her parents, sharing stories of joy with Venat on the wall in Elpis, Emet-Selch’s utter refusal to be seen as emotionally vulnerable... Every moment of the story was overflowing with the writers’ love for their characters, and the tiny interactions between these figures who we have known and cared for for so long elevate Endwalker into something truly magical. I cried like seven times, I don’t know about you.

6. Azem. The concept of Azem in general. The absolute care and attention that went into building the concept of Azem and tying it directly into the player’s literal journey from a level one newbie adventurer to a god-slaying Warrior of Light is just incredible. Every time the idea of traveling, drinking in the wonders of the world, and the hint of adventures still left to be enjoyed comes up in the story, the profound feeling of love this triggers in the player is nothing short of masterfully done. Being “the Traveler” is simply wonderful, both in the game and as a concept applied to the real-life players. Venat being the previous Azem was a super clever way to make players immediately care for her.

7. Related to this, the cultural influences on each zone truly give the game a global feeling. Experiencing India in Thavnair and revolutionary Russia in Garlemald (this last one surprised me; always thought it had a more Roman vibe), the ancient Greece of Elpis, and the hilariously British feel to Sharlayan creates the sense that the world of Etheirys is as wide and varied as our own. Zones are good stuff in this expansion. Ultima Thule left such an impression on me, I’m still thinking about it now.

8. The music. I don’t even need to say anything else. I resented every quest sound and battle sound effect in the last zone for interrupting my listening experience.

9. The new side characters. They really nailed it with the side characters this time around. Erenville’s push to unionize the gleaners was fantastic, Loifa getting clowned on in his own quest line was endearing, Matsya’s struggle in the jungle, Ahewann’s sacrifice... Incredibly well done side characters throughout. Hythlodaeus is single-handedly the best ancient.

10. There is a lot of underlying allusion and connotation to unpack with Meteion, especially in terms of stories like “the bluebird of happiness” and the--I’m sure--intentional references to alchemy through the concept of the “Bird of Hermes.” Although I didn’t quite think that this story had the depth of allusion that Shadowbringers did, it’s not without its Easter egg bonuses for those who are well-versed in literature.

11. Endwalker selected a “moral of the story” and ran with it. This expansion had a point worth making about life and finding joy in our experiences even though we all also experience suffering. It is a valuable and timely message that undoubtedly hit many, many players very hard.

Things I Disliked:

Hoo boy. Where to start. Listen. If you take Endwalker at its surface level, it is the pinnacle of classical JRPG. It absolutely feels like being back in the 90s, playing FF6, FF7, FF9, etc., the games that reshaped your very understanding of JRPG and 90s’ video games in the first place. It has all the hallmarks of truly classic Final Fantasy through and through: quirky party members, the bizarre mash up of technology and magic that just somehow works in concept, the weird jokes, your party members following along behind you like ducklings, random mini games that appear without warning, the bosses that literally stepped out of Yoshitaka Amano artwork, the spectacular, over-the-top battles with planets being thrown around, and most notably... a high-stakes story line that makes absolutely no sense if you think about it too hard.

I loved everything about Endwalker except the actual plot. On an individual level, the dialogue of the characters was masterfully written. Everything had an incredible emotional impact. But it’s putting it gently to say the plot was a mess.

Fandaniel wants to kill everyone because he’s actually Amon, who wants to kill everyone because he enabled the collapse of his own society, because he’s actually Hermes who accidentally initiated the downfall of his society and killed everyone because he’s a member of PETA--

The elder primal, Lord of Darkness Incarnate you were looking forward to fighting for eight years is nothing but a husk to be possessed by said ancient clown and your character will kill him 1/4 of the way through the story as if he were nothing more than a stepping stone only to realize you done fucked up and now the deaths of thousands of people are on your hands--and at no point in the story will anyone ever say “Man it probably would have been better for you to not stand there and watch dumbly while Fandaniel possessed Zodiark, WoL. You could have interrupted his monologue at any moment. Thanks for kickstarting the Final Days again, bro.”

Half way through your story, the narrative will be high-jacked by a bunch of talking rabbits, who, while cute, also serve as a walking deus ex machina plot device to dump anything you could possibly need for the rest of the story directly into your character’s pocket, all while no explanation for their existence--which breaks several previously established rules of the game’s world-building--is ever given.

And then we get the fucking time travel. Let’s actually just put aside the frustrating idea that this entire scene contradicts the pre-established rules of time travel in FFXIV (that you can, in fact, change the past, and doing so just creates splinter timelines). Did I love going to Elpis and seeing Emet-Selch, Hythlodaeus (truly a joy), and learning about Venat? FOR SURE. Did Hermes pose an interesting moral dilemma in his love for all creatures great and small? Definitely. Does any of the rest of it make sense with the rules FFXIV established earlier? Not in the slightest.

It was literally laid out in previous works that things created with creation magic do not have souls. They can acquire souls by accident, spontaneously at the time of creation, or their off-spring can eventually acquire souls if they adhere to the natural order of the world. So why does no one fucking bat an eyelash at Meteion? Where did her soul come from? Is Hermes really so constantly overwrought by the deaths of subjects that, for the most part, shouldn’t even have souls?

Then we get the memory wipe nonsense with Kairos, which, honestly, while another painfully obvious plot device, would at least have made the entire fact that we went back in time to Elpis no longer a plothole-inducing nightmare... But Venat isn’t caught in the memory wipe.

Venat isn’t caught in the memory wipe. Which means she knows everything. She knows Meteion is the cause of the Final Days, she knows what is coming with Zodiark and Hydaelyn, she knows the future of mankind...

And she does nothing to stop any of it.

She lets the apocalypse happen. She lets Zodiark happen. She makes the Sundering happen.

“Oh but Echo,” I hear you saying, “the Convocation wouldn’t have believed her so she had no way to stop the Final Days from happening.” Absolute nonsense. HERMES KNOWS ABOUT DYNAMIS. You’re really going to tell me that Elidibus wouldn’t have at least listened and considered what she had to say? That Azem--who was still on the Convocation at the time--wouldn’t have sided with her if she told them an alien entity was attacking their planet? Absolute nonsense through and through.

“Oh but Echo, she had to let Zodiark happen because there was no way to shield the planet from Meteion’s Dynamis without him.” The story is really trying to tell me that people who can create entire living beings from thin air could not have come up with a better plan to shield their planet than CREATING A GOD if they were given proper warning and actually knew what was attacking them? More nonsense.

“Oh but Echo, she had to Sunder the Ancients because she needed people who could deal with despair and manipulate Dynamis to defeat Meteion.” Again, is the story really trying to tell us that there was no other way than BREAKING REALITY to develop beings capable of manipulating Dynamis? HERMES CREATED METEION. My head hurts, guys.

“Oh but Echo, Venat had to Sunder everyone because they were seeking perfection and seeking perfection is what leads to the stagnation of civilizations! They would have been their own downfall if she let them stay that course!” The story doubles down on this idea that “perfection leads to stagnation” so many times over the course of the latter zones that it’s actually painful, but it’s portrayed in such a stupidly black and white way that it breaks immersion in an otherwise fairly politically realistic story. Are you really trying to tell me that every single society in the universe that ever achieved health and prosperity eventually devoured itself from the inside out because of unflagging extremist values and that none of them ever managed to just... modulate themselves and tend toward mediocrity again? None of them ever managed to change course?

There was really no other way to prevent cultural stagnation than breaking people’s souls into tiny pieces and inventing the concepts of war, famine, disease, suffering, and violent death? No incremental social change? Ancients can create gods but can’t create the concept of activism? My head really, really hurts.

“Oh but Echo, Venat had to do all those things because she knew the WoL was from the future and she had to protect the WoL’s timeline and people too.”

Yes, the people she created by fucking up so badly in the past.

Being more serious, the real issue with Venat’s actions after Elpis is that they have nothing to do with her genuine character. None of the choices are organic. Instead, they are all done in service to the plot. The Final Days needs to happen, Zodiark needs to happen, Hydaelyn needs to happen, and the Sundering needs to happen all because the pre-established plot demands that they do. Venat’s choices after Elpis don’t happen because they are genuinely how a person in her role and with her personality would actually act--they’re just what the plot NEEDS her to do. She becomes nothing more than a sock puppet for the story rather than actually having any agency of her own. Couple all this with the retcon to Hydaelyn’s motivations that happened with Shadowbringers, and we have the recipe for truly bungled character.

And the stupidest thing is that none of these questions needed to exist--if Venat had been caught in Kairos’s memory wipe too, we would have had no doubts about her motivations and would have just said “She did all those things because she didn’t remember the future; she was only trying to stop Zodiark. She didn’t know about Meteion and had no idea they could have stopped her themselves all along...” etc. If she had just forgotten like Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus, there would have been no issue, so why???

And that bungling occurs at all levels, introducing as many plot holes as there are shards of the star. Where did the Loporitts get their souls? How do the Loporitts have creation magic? Why would Hydaelyn tell the Sharlayans to build a spaceship when the Ancients KNOW HOW TO CREATE TELEPORTERS? How did Hydaelyn “Send Fandaniel far away”--HE CAN TELEPORT!! Why turn the moon into your escape device when it also houses Zodiark? Oh no, our memory has been wiped by this mysterious Kairos “explosion”! It sure would be convenient if we had a magical power that let us view memories left behind, imprinted on each location... Yeah, too bad that doesn’t exist, right?

Then we get to the main message of the expansion: life is hard, but you can’t give in to despair. Totally fine. Great message even, very meaningful and relevant to our time. But then the story applies this message seemingly randomly.

If it had just been a straightforward: we’re all mortal, death is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make the most of life, it would have made perfect sense. The problem is that they also had the dimension of having the utopian world of the Ancients. So they had to figure out how to justify the downfall from utopia to painful mortality, and then still give people the message that life was worth living. Their solution to this conundrum was to suggest that the downfall of civilizations that seek perfection is inevitable, and that the act of seeking perfection is itself what causes cultures to collapse, and therefore mortality and failure is necessary for society to keep on persisting.

But then they’re all over the place with this idea. The dragons were literally doing nothing, just living their lives, and death came for them anyway. Sure the ancients might have been on the path to stagnation, but it wasn’t stagnation that wiped out their society; it was entirely by random chance that Meteion happened to experience what she did and happened to be able to control Dynamis the way she could. Seek perfection and you die. Don’t seek perfection and... you still die.

If any society that strives to eliminate war and famine is doomed for a downfall, then what has been the purpose of all our Warrior of Light’s peacekeeping and nation-uniting actions up to this point? We’ve spent five games’ worth of time and effort now trying to eliminate Etheirys’s wars, heal the sick, fight for freedoms--only to now hear that the only reward of the very course we’ve whole-heartedly committed our characters to for eight years now might be the eventual fall of our planet?

The ultimate point of the story is that nihility is terrible and mankind’s greatest strength is his ability to hold on to hope and not give up despite facing endless suffering. That living and pursuing your dreams in life is essential to continuing to lift yourself from the dust again and again... But also, don’t pursue your dreams too hard because if you succeed in achieving all your dreams, YOU’LL KILL YOUR ENTIRE SOCIETY.

In trying to make a powerful statement against nihility but also using fantasy races of immortals as their examples, the plot becomes an ouroboros that eats itself: The more your character strives to help people, end wars, unite countries, and make the world a better place, the closer Etheirys comes to perfection--and therefore, apparently, to total fucking annihilation.

Endwalker tried to tie too many disparate plot threads and references together to really create the sensation of a finale, but in trying to tie so many threads together, they created a tangle that will unravel if you think at it too hard.

And just... the tension was never where it needed to be in the last half of the story! How were we supposed to be afraid for the scions sacrificing themselves in Ultima Thule KNOWING that Hydaelyn had just specifically given us the power to bring them back from that exact thing??? When base Shadowbringers was ending, I was completely on the edge of my seat, wondering what would happen, how we’d overcome both Hades and the light, how we’d get back up to do the fight, how our character would get out of the recreation of the Final Days... And when Ardbert handed us his axe and G’raha summoned champions from beyond the rift, it was like watching the puzzle pieces all fall perfectly into place. The feeling of satisfaction was immense. Watching all the NPCs gather in Sharlayan was nice, but there was never any doubt or concern for that obvious outcome. There were no stakes because everything was telegraphed so blatantly. The creation magic, the personal teleporter... Ultima Thule’s plot got the wind taken out of its sails because it was supposed to be about our character “holding on to hope and not giving into despair,” but because it was blatantly obvious that no one was in any actual danger and all the scions sacrificing themselves would be immediately undone in the end, the story in Ultima Thule gives us nothing to despair over and nothing we would desperately need to hope for either. It was disappointing to not get to experience those feelings fully because the plot devices were simply way too obvious.

Anyway, look, I can’t think about the plot for much longer or I’ll get brain cancer, so let me just talk about something else:

The pacing of the story varies wildly, and the order in which you start the MSQ really impacts the flow of the beginning of the expansion.

Splitting players in to two different zones makes sense to reduce the load of players in opening areas. Doing this in Shadowbringers worked well because whether you picked Alisaie or Alphinaud, you got a similar brief experience and then were able to move into the first dungeon without a noticeable delay. However, in Endwalker, if you choose to start in Thavnair instead of Sharlayan, the pacing of the expansion’s opening is utterly destroyed. Dealing with the drama of Nidhana being kidnapped and Fandaniel being there tormenting you in the tower... only to then leave and do a bunch of joke quests about reading books and turning into frogs to stealth past your adopted kids’ dad literally sucks all tension out of the opening before the first dungeon. And, in general, the push to the first dungeon is way too long--literally twice the number of quests it took to get the first dungeon in Shadowbringers, with twice as many cutscenes and significantly fewer battles. Unless you start in Sharlayan, the pace of the opening before reaching the first dungeon is terrible.

And the same thing happens again on the moon. The Loporitts are cute, but you’ve literally just been told that your actions straight up RESTARTED THE APOCALYPSE. Trying out blue carrots and taking a bunny on a walk ring as nothing more than hollow diversions from an already tenuously held together plot line. I like the Loporitts, but having to spend all that time exploring the moon base was a disaster in terms of maintaining the natural progression of the story.

My only other truly major gripe was the villains. After writing such a fantastic villain in Emet-Selch, seeing this expansion’s meandering villains was such a let down. Anima was completely over-hyped and underdeveloped in the story; there should have been so much more to that reveal. The horror of hacking your own father up to use his limbs to create mindless slaves to the empire via propaganda is interesting, but the radio aspect under-utilized--if the radio had been the medium through which Varis’s tempering was spread, I think that would have been much more interesting.

Zenos had zero actual role in the plot except as a deus ex machina at the end; he was just... there. No contributions to 9/10ths of the story, just... there. At the beginning, I thought we might actually get some kind of character growth out of him, but even all the way to the end of the story, he is never able to bridge the gap between himself and others. All the way to the final scene, he never understands the Warrior of Light. He still just asserts his own version of events into every line of his dialogue, and that’s... sad. It’s sad to see a character that could have been really interesting just flounder in a plot that is SO RELEVANT to his (obviously nihilistic) character and yet gives him absolutely nothing to do. There is no way you can convince me “Zenos learns life has meaning after meeting Meteion, the embodiment of despair” wouldn’t have been an infinitely more logical plot for his character. And there’s so much they just never explained... Why become a reaper? Why does he get such a unique voidsent avatar? Why did he dream of the Final Days? I can only assume he isn’t really dead and will be coming back to have more of a role in the future, so they’re leaving questions unanswered for now, but it was not satisfying.

Fandaniel being Amon was interesting but also criminally under-developed. We should have gotten much more extended flashbacks to the Allagans to really highlight the comparison between the Allagans and the Ancients and to show Amon‘s struggles with the dreams of horror of Hermes’ past. To really understand his motivations and his reason for choosing to cling to “Amon” specifically instead of Hermes, we needed much more of Amon himself.

And don’t get me started on Hermes. Just... don’t. Did I sniffle a little watching him say goodbye to the liokanes that had to be returned to concepts? Yes. Did the ending voiceover of granting Meteion the Elpis flowers in Ultima Thule hit me hard? Yes. Does anything else about this character make sense? No.

His point that the Ancients are callous towards their creations would feel a lot more relevant if it wasn’t a last second retcon that the Ancients could even create things with souls in them. Since it was previously established that their creations don’t contain souls, his bleeding heart just comes across as a bit bizarre. There’s also no explanation for why he--and he alone!--seems to have this bleeding heart, when all the others are ambivalent. It’s even kind of vaguely implied that due to having so much aether, the ancients can’t interact with Dynamis easily, and therefore you might think their feelings are more muted than humans’ would be--but not Hermes. For no reason that the story ever bothers to explain, he just really, really, really cares.

He cares so much that he hears one report’s worth of terrible news and decides... to kill everyone. Including his precious animals.

Hermes: Death is NOT beautiful.

Hermes, ten seconds later: I’LL SEND US ALL INTO OBLIVION.

This character is the literal definition of “That escalated quickly.” Even if he was faced with despair on a cosmic level, the absolute and ultimate futility of life, is that really enough to make such a gentle and peaceful man actively decide to kill everyone?

The jump from 0 to 100 happened too fast and without sufficient development to make it genuinely believable.

And what’s this fucking shit with retconning tempering to be “just something the Ascians threw in”? If Zodiark wasn’t tempering people, then that meant he was literally just doing his fucking job, bothering no one, being a savior... and Hydaelyn beat the shit out of him and imprisoned him for 12,000 years for ENTIRELY NO REASON. What a horrible life for a being to have. To be honest, this idea right here is probably the worst thing Endwalker had to offer, and I hope they fix it in the future, because retconning tempering that hard just invalidates so much of the previous story that it’s actually offensive to my sensibilities.

What do I even say about Meteion? I liked her? I felt terrible for her? Her boss design was cool and very classic Final Fantasy, but... at the end of the day, she was just disappointing compared to the theories I had been formulating in my head about what the “Sound” from beneath the earth might be for the two years since Shadowbringers. I really believed we would be dealing with some cosmic invader that feasted upon living planets to gorge itself, etc. Finding out that the cause of the Final Days was instead just a single misguided familiar invented by a single misguided Ancient tuned the scale of hype down a lot.

Not going to lie, but between the idea of a sound from under the earth and the previews of Elpis looking so much like Zeal, plus the announcement of the Chrono Cross remake, I was really, really hoping they’d be linking in some Chrono Trigger/Chrono Cross material in the story, and I was SO GAME for the “sound” to end up actually being Lavos.

Sighhhhhhh.

Anyway, this is already so stupidly long, but speaking of missed opportunities, there were three other things that I really wished we had gotten instead:

1. The final dungeon shouldn’t have been random other worlds; it should have been glimpses into the calamities that destroyed the other shards. All they had to do was throw in some line for Meteion like: "Hydaelyn tried to sunder Etheirys to protect its people from me, but no heart is shielded from dynamis. I am wherever hopelessness lives, even inside your palest reflections--" And then BAM, the dungeon opens and it’s the previous shards experiencing the calamities of wind, water, earth, lightning, etc. That would have been so much more meaningful (and a better way to close out on the shard/calamity plot) than just random collapsing planets.

2. Why do Hydaelyn and Zodiark look nothing like their statues and previous hints we’ve gotten of them? I understand they wanted to match the Amano artwork but the Amano artwork doesn’t match the story. Whyyyyyy?

3. I will never forgive Square Enix for not ending the last cutscene with the question “Where will you go, Warrior of Light?” and giving us the dialogue option “Wither the wild rose blooms.” HOW COULD YOU MISS THE EASIEST FUCKING CALLBACK, HOW--!!!

(Oh and also, one last gripe I just recalled... there were way too many follow missions at the beginning of the story. I actually liked traveling and chatting with the characters when the quests were meaningful, but some of these quests just existed specifically to show off the devs’ cool new thing. I get that they were excited but it was excessive at the start. Just saying.)

Anyway, overall, Endwalker gets a solid 7/10 from me. I cried like seven times. (It gets one point for every time it made me cry.) The character work and interactions were beyond words incredible. The music, atmosphere, zones, and battles were stunning. But the story was just so full of plotholes and underdeveloped villains, so many places where the characters were ramrodded into stupid actions simply to forward the very specific moral message the developers were trying to send the players, that I can’t forgive it.

Did I like Endwalker? Yes. But is it an example of good storytelling? No.

I’ll just be over here enjoying the little things in life, I guess...

(It’s me. I’m the little thing.)

#Endwalker #Endwalker spoilers #Endwalker review #Final Fantasy XIV #Final Fantasy XIV spoilers #FF14 #FF14 spoilers #in which I express my enduring love #but also the brain aneurysm Endwalker gave me #Cry count: 7 #Rage count: Immeasurable

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veritylane7 · 4 years ago

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+mydecember+ Twilight ver. 13

( 10:50 PM ) Math-class doodle of Rukura (Raphael), airbrushed. Came out nicely. ^.^ ( 10:07 PM ) John's suggestion for a feel-good song that Mr. Rozario (school principal) should play over the PA system in the morning? Children of the Damned by Iron Maiden.... how I agree! ^____^

We're sick, sick people. Can you tell we're related??

song of the moment: "Genocide" by the Offspring. I really gotta get some of the Offspring cds... I want Smash, Americana, and Conspiracy of One.... *sulks*

( 9:57 PM ) Ribby-chan... s'all being taken care of. Mike and Matt be lookin' after me closely, and if Dan does anything else, he's in for some serious trouble. *heh* Mike or Matt my soulmate? Dooood, Mike's a pal, and Matt's like my older brother (he's actually my most recent ex-boyfriend in a way). Thanks for the concern, tho! And don't worry... I beat Dan up nice. If I have my way, he'll be singing soprano come next week.

*heehee* I think I've FOUND my soulmate, anyhoo. *pointed look at someone who's screen name rhymes with punkin' pie* *heartheart* ^__^

( 9:49 PM ) *runs around screaming fangirlishly* YUMMY! YUMMY! I GOT A CUTE, SCAAAAAAARY DOOD FOR THIS TEST!!!

Ideal anime guy test...

# 1 Zagato from Magic Knight Rayearth # 2 Ashitare from Fushigi Yuugi # 3 Chichiri from Fushigi Yuugi # 4 Hotohori from Fushigi Yuugi # 5 Kiryuu Touga from Shoujo Kakumei Utena # 6 Taikoubou from Senkaiden Houshin Engi # 7 Hayama Akito from Kodomo no Omocha # 8 Kyoichi Saionji from Shoujo Kakumei Utena # 9 Morisato Keichi from Ah! My Goddess # 10 Nakago from Fushigi Yuugi # 11 Ohtori Akio from Shoujo Kakumei Utena # 12 Ryohji Kaji from Neon Genesis Evangelion # 13 Eagle Vision from Magic Knight Rayearth # 14 Gabriev Gourry from The Slayers # 15 Ikari Gendo from Neon Genesis Evangelion # 16 Nagoya Chiaki from Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne # 17 Chiriko from Fushigi Yuugi # 18 Li Shaolan from Cardcaptor Sakura # 19 Tsukishiro Yukito / Yue from Cardcaptor Sakura # 20 Eriol Hiigarizawa / Clow from Cardcaptor Sakura # 21 Ikari Shinji from Neon Genesis Evangelion # 22 Kinomoto Touya from Cardcaptor Sakura # 23 Shiirou Kamui from X (X/1999) # 24 Tamahome from Fushigi Yuugi # 25 Monou Fuuma from X (X/1999)

( 9:46 PM ) Ideal anime girl test... how'd they know that I adore Skuld, Ami-chan, and Misato? o.O

# 1 Skuld (Oh my Goddess) # 2 Amy (Sailormoon) # 3 Misato (Eva) # 4 Belldandy (Oh my Goddess) # 5 Kari (Digimon) # 6 Rei (Eva) # 7 Lita (Sailormoon) # 8 Mina (Sailormoon) # 9 Fuu (MK Rayearth) # 10 Serena (Sailormoon) # 11 Hikaru (MK Rayearth) # 12 Sora (Digimon) # 13 Bulma (Dragon Ball) # 14 Mimi (Digimon) # 15 Misty (Pokemon) # 16 Rei (Sailormoon) # 17 Umi (MK Rayearth) # 18 Videl (Dragon Ball) # 19 Asuka (Eva) # 20 Urd (Oh my Goddess)

( 9:44 PM ) Slayers kyara test... now THESE results are good.

# 1 Gaav the Demon Dragon King # 2 Beastmaster Zelas # 3 Luna Inverse # 4 Valgaav (Vally-girl! ^_^) # 5 Xelloss Metallium # 6 Zelgadiss Greywords # 7 Gourry Gabriev # 8 Lina Inverse # 9 Rezo the Red Priest # 10 Filia Ul Copt # 11 Martina Whatever-Her-Last-Name-Is # 12 Amelia Wil Tesra Seyruun # 13 Naga (Wil Tesra Seyruun? I think so) # 14 Kopii Rezo # 15 Prince Phil

( 9:41 PM ) Sailor Moon test results... scary. O_O

# 1 Nehelenia # 2 Setsuna/Sailor Pluto # 3 Artemis # 4 Galaxia # 5 Haruka/Sailor Uranus # 6 Taiki/Sailor Star Maker # 7 Hotaru/Sailor Saturn # 8 Michiru/Sailor Neptune # 9 Minako/Sailor Venus # 10 Rei/Sailor Mars # 11 Yaten/Sailor Star Healer # 12 Luna # 13 Makoto/Sailor Jupiter # 14 Princess Kakyuu # 15 Ami/Sailor Mercury # 16 Chibiusa/Sailor Chibi Moon # 17 Seiya/Sailor Star Fighter # 18 Mamoru/Tuxedo Kamen # 19 Usagi/Sailor Moon # 20 Chibi-Chibi/Sailor Chibi Chibi Moon

( 9:39 PM ) Pokemon test...

# 1 Satoshi/Ash # 2 Shigeru/Gary # 3 Nyarth/Meowth # 4 Kasumi/Misty # 5 Pikachu # 6 Takeshi/Brock # 7 Kojiro/James # 8 Musashi/Jessie

I'm Ash and Gary... isn't that damn close to weird?

( 9:37 PM ) *laughing again* CHECK IT OUT!!

CCS Kyara test results:

# 1 Kero-chan # 2 Syaoran Li # 3 Touya Kinomoto # 4 Tomoyo Daidouji # 5 Eriol Hiiragizawa # 6 Sakura Kinomoto # 7 Yukito Tsukishiro

I'm Kero-chan!

( 9:35 PM ) EEEEEEH!!! O_O; For the X/1999 test... I'm Satsuki! O_o

# 1 Yatouji Satsuki - dragon of earth # 2 Kuzuki Kakyou - dragon of earth # 3 Sumeragi Subaru - dragon of heaven # 4 Monou Fuuma - dragon of earth # 5 Nataku - dragon of earth # 6 Shirou Kamui - dragon of heaven # 7 Kishuu Arashi - dragon of heaven # 8 Shiyuu Kusanagi - dragon of earth # 9 Kigai Yuuto - dragon of earth # 10 Sakurazuka Seishirou - dragon of earth # 11 Aoki Seiichirou - dragon of heaven # 12 Arisugawa Sorata - dragon of heaven # 13 Kasumi Karen - dragon of heaven # 14 Nekoi Yuzuriha - dragon of heaven

( 9:32 PM ) *laughing like a total idiot* CHECK THIS OUT! HOW FUNNY!!! I find that the results for my taking the Eva kyara personality test are very well done!

# 1 Asuka Langley Sohryu # 2 Gendou Ikari # 3 Ryouji Kaji # 4 Misato Katsuragi # 5 Touji Suzuhara # 6 Kaworu Nagisa # 7 Kouzou Fuyutsuki # 8 Ritsuko Akagi # 9 Aoba Shigeru # 10 Makoto Hyuuga # 11 Shinji Ikari # 12 Maya Ibuki # 13 Hikari Horaki # 14 Rei Ayanami # 15 Pen-Pen

( 5:56 PM ) Speller!!! You owe me Mickey ears, and I want Lance's underwear!! AND FEEL MY WRATH!! *wraths Speller* MWAHAHAHAHA! JOYCE IS DEAD! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! ( 7:36 AM ) Morning Blog!

Nah-nah-nah! Riot Ink business caaaards! *heehee*

I'm okay, really.

I am headachey!!! As Amy would say... my head is doing the achey brakey dance of PAIN. So, I imagine I will get nothing done in class. Ms. Fotinos is gonna kill me for skipping anyway... *sighs*

Querida! I shall continue my efforts to make dad buckle!!

Meagen-san.... really, I know what you mean. Technically, I can draw, but I kinda lack depth in my art (from what I can see). There are very few pictures that turn out with the emotion or realism I want them to come out with..... and funny enough, that kyara that I tend to make look how I want is good ol' Lucas.

Lucas: What can I say? I'm perfect. *mutters* Yeah, right...

And yes, you're getting fanart. Now if only I can manage to scan it....

Meg's Art Corner! Raphael-chan, or as I refer to him in RPs, Lian's Rukura. This is a fine example of what I draw in math class on scrap paper. And querida? It's not THAT good. ^##^;;;;

That's all from me!

Over an' out!

( 10:48 PM ) Of course my idea is good, querida! I'm so smart after all! *tosses away IQ test scores that say only 142* Lucas with blue hair.... streaked with green!!!!!! Yeeaaah, baby! ( 3:23 PM ) Warning, incoming rant!

STUPID! GODDAMN FLIPPIN' STUPID!! What a GOOD way to get yourself killed! Doing f*cking drugs! STUPID STUPID!!! Goddamn it! I mean, pot, okay that's bad. Bad and STUPID. But 'shrooms?!! HOT DAMN IS THAT STUPID!! And not only that, getting yourself into a situation where you get thrown out of your mom's house?! F*cking stupid! *fumes*

(note: never mind, needed to vent.... friend issues)

( 2:00 PM ) At home and skipping civics class.... *whistles and rocks back on her heels* 9.9

You know what's scary? It's scary when a dood whom you eat lunch with even jokes about wanting to rape you. That's scary. Even scarier is when he pins you against the wall and you have to fight him off, and when he comes back, your best (guy) friends beat the living sh*t out of him. Not quite sure what to make of this.... big super duper hugs and thank yous to Mike and Matt, my new bodyguards. Dan, touch me again, and they'll kill you for sure. I'll see to it. *sweet smile*

( 7:32 AM ) Morning blog!

Querida: Yep, the Mark plot is similar to our dj idea... except a bit more profound. *heh* And seriously, tho, a good plot would be something to the effect of Mark goes baaaad-niichan and tries to end the world, and you gots to stop him. There's a plot. Hooray for plots! Cam's efforts on trying to get Mark to put some sort of value on his own body should start working someday. I mean, HOW many times has Cam explained it? Not to mention, Mark has a nice idea of how Cam thinks now that he's been inside his mind. Mark-niichan's a slut.... but I love him anyway!

Cam: *pounds the living daylights out of Meg for calling Mark such a thing*

*heeheehee* Animal comparisons! *heehee* I gotta try that! Rukura = gecko Poya = otter Yuken = viper Lucifer = duck Michael = horse Zachariah = pot-bellied pig (personality wise) Gabriel = peacock Kanson = crocodile (someone patch in a call to australia, let's get the Crocodile Hunter in here, please... *crosses fingers*)

Meagen-san: I'm working on a fanart for you of SailorM. I shall prolly CG it tonight or tomorrow, okie?

School blows! I don't wanna go to school! WAH!

over and out.

( 6:35 PM ) For fun, and just to annoy him... Rukura's stats!

Name: Raphael Harrison Nickname: Rukura Age: 17 Date of Birth: February 28th Hair: purple Eyes: green Height: 6'4 Occupation: student Descent: Angel Family: human family includes Jacob [father, deceased] and Mary-Anne [mother, deceased]. Original family includes Kanson [father], Europa [mother, deceased], and Uriel {Yuken} [half-brother] Friends: Lucifer, Pandora {Poya}, Michael, Zachariah Current Residence: Atlanta, Georgia Likes: music, reading, daydreaming, being anti-social Dislikes: homework, unwanted attention, medication, and fighting Skills: singing, getting weirdly good grades Setbacks: has a rather serious heart condition, which despite medication and various attempts, is damn near impossible to treat, suicidal, and generally miserable Notes: reincarnation of the Messiah. Human mother died in childbirth, human father committed suicide a few months later. Is considered a "problem child", as he usually gets into fights at school. Been shifted around to foster homes all his life, never staying in one particular home longer than 1 1/2 years. Most recent foster family died in a car crash, leaving him the only living "relative" to claim his foster father's fortune. Lives alone.

( 6:24 PM ) Chris-kun: Dood, a meant the person playing as being Mark... ^__^;;

Meg-chan's on net restrictions, lalalalala... she's gonna get in trouble if she gets caught on the internet, lalalalala... she's rewriting stats for LotM, lalalalala.... she's TOO attached to Raphael-chan, lalala--

Rukura: *belts Meg in the head* Don't call me that! Meg: It's your legal name, isn't it? I like it better 'an Rukura...

Dan wants me to hit him. In the eeeeeew kinda way. Do I really come across as that much of a dom? @_@

( 7:16 AM ) Morning blog!

This is bound to be a short enrty, as mom is home. Sooo...

I had a really funky dream last night, but I don't remember it. All I remember is waking up a lot, upset, and trying to recall where I was. Bennett was curled up to me most of the night (good spiritie dood ^_^), but I don't think it helped much.... ah, well, it's the thought that counts.

Yesterday, I blew $44 on prismacolor pens. I got the box set of cool greys, plus a replacement 60% warm grey as mine is running out. That's me broke for another month now.

BMB is cuuuuuute today. *giggles* I want my verra' own Mik! I *heartheart* Mik! Rach, you better get me a Mik for my birthday! Or else!

I can't draw worth beans lately. *cries*

to Chris-kun: Thanks for the comment on the layout... and maybe now I'll bug querida to do an AH game (I honestly didn't think about that @_@).

*ponders* Yeah, you could go arouns as Mark in the game, and you could sleep with every second person you run into---

Cam: SHUT UP! *thwacks Meg* Meg: Hey, it's not my fault that your hubby is a total sl--- Cam: *throws a table at Meg* Meg: Itaaaai. X_X

Otaaay, enough out of me. Over and out.

( 11:44 PM ) Hal is GOD... lalalala! Hal is thy holy master! ( 11:27 PM ) Purple is a nice colour! It's the colour of hentai. ^__^; ( 12:30 AM ) BEHOLD THE NEW LAYOUT!!!

....very purple, isn't it?

( 3:58 PM ) This close >< to shooting myself... ( 3:56 PM ) I WILL get this to work.... I swear I will. ( 3:53 PM ) HTML is annoying. Background image, where are you? ( 3:50 PM ) Let's hope for the background image now.... *crosses fingers* ( 3:45 PM ) Playing with the layout... ( 3:25 PM ) This is the temp layout, as I'm altering this puppy to look how I want it to. New version should be up tonight. ( 2:43 PM ) Chris-kun: the Boa cd has two names. One is the japanese release, the other is for the international market. It's either called Race of the Thousand Camels or Twilight (like this here blog!). And the Limp Bizkit cd is called Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavoured Water. And Hannibal is a lot different than the Silence of the Lambs, isn't it? I liked it, but I stand by the fact that Jodie Foster made a much better Clarice Starling than Julianne Moore could ever hope to be.

Anyway.

My Bennett still isn't home... Dora, is he still with you? If not, you'd think he'd be home by now... *sighs*

Okay, time for me to book it outta' here for a bit afore dad calls and has a fit 'cause the line is busy.

( 8:05 PM ) Interlude...

Meg: Cain and Yuken! KAWAII!!!! Yuken: *giggles and twitches his neko-mimi, looking all innocent* Rukura: ICK! Who the HELL would touch HIM!? *points at Yuken* Meg: Well, you 'touched' him once... Rukura: NOT BY CHOICE, GODDAMMIT!! .... *sneezes* Yuken: *eyes Rukura venomously* Rukura: I'll be running off to Lian now... *heads for the hills as fast as his (verra' long) legs can carry him*

( 8:00 PM ) Querida, thank goodness it's not bronchitis. That's something I get a LOT, and it's not fun at all. And ten pounds? ALRIGHT! You GO, girlfriend!! *tackleglomps* You'll be okay.... I know so! ^.^

I got the "Play" cd (Moby), which came with the edit of South Side for free. Bonus, baby! ^_____^

( 7:24 AM ) Morning blog!

Well, I feel mighty stupid this morning. Yesterday, I kinda pulled a muscle in my left leg (riiight in my calf), but it stopped hurting. Woke up from a funky dream and got up to find it hurt. Now, being the idiot I am and not usually restricted by physical pain (hey, that's what ended up breaking my ankle), I went for a shower. Feeling headachey and cramped, I worked my way down the stairs, only to pull the same muscle again and fall about halfway down and land on the cat at the bottom. ^___^;;; <---- feels very dumb

*falls over* Meagen-san, you had me scared a minute there! If you had MEANT Mark, I would have had to call in paramedics and stuff to make sure you weren't doped up on anything!!!! @_@

List of kyara and colours this blog is gonna be themed on in order of layout updates: Cam/purple (this weekend, hopefully) Lucas/red (whenever) Mark/blue (whenever) Sybandial/pink (whenever) Jesse/green (whenever)

Each layout will have a background featuring the kyara, too! ^_^

I really need a life. Over and out!

( 9:51 PM ) Song lyrics... one of Cam's most recent themes! "Learn to Fly" by the Foo Fighters

Run and tell all of the angels This could take all night Think I need a devil to help me get things right

Hook me up a new revolution Cuz this one is a lie We sat around laughing And watched the last one die

I'm looking to the sky to save me Looking for a sign of life Looking for something to help me burn out bright I'm looking for a complication Looking cuz I'm tired of lying Make my way back home when I learn to fly

I'm done nursing the patience I can wait one night I'd give it all away if you'd give me one last try We'll live happily ever trapped if you'd just save my life Run and tell the angels that everything's all right

I'm looking to the sky to save me Looking for a sign of life Looking for something to help me burn out bright I'm looking for a complication Looking cuz I'm tired of trying Make my way back home when I learn to fly Make my way back home when I learn to

Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone Try to make this life my own Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone Try to make this life my own

Looking to the sky to save me Looking for a sign of life Looking for something to help me burn out bright I'm looking for a complication Looking cuz I'm tired of trying Make my way back home when I learn to fly Make my way back home when I learn to fly Make my way back home when I learn to...

( 7:06 PM ) Tay, I've decided the theme for my next layout... good ol' Bennett and the colour purple. How... fitting. ^__^

Now if only I can get this stupid HTML editor thing to work... *binks it*

( 11:05 AM ) Morning blog (late again)!

WHOO HOO! I GOT INTO THE ADVANCED VISUAL ART STUDIO CLASS!!! BIG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ON MR. HALL!!!!

Yeaaah, I just went to first period class this morning and got my classes for next year reviewed. Then I came home because the muscles in my abdomen are spasming and it hurts like bugger all.

To all my blogging friends; I'm gonna change the layout of this blog in the next week (I have a LOT of links to add). I'm gonna theme it around an AH kyara, so lemme know who you think would be best, please. Just post your opinion in your blog, as I read most of them daily anyway. ^__^;

( 8:23 PM ) Yeah, I've neglected my duties as a blog-person lately... I have a life, you know. (Hey, the LEAST you can do is smile and nod! T_T)

Not much is happening, really. My civics class keeps getting cancelled, so I think I'll skip it tomorrow and come home early. What else to say...? Ummm, not much.

Song of the moment: "The Kids Aren't Alright" by the Offspring. I'm on a REAL Offspring kick right now... dunno why exactly. Maybe 'cause they just amuse me. ^_^;

Grammy awards. Bleeeek. *makes a face*

Amy, kids who don't like cheese are stupid! HA HA!

( 3:33 PM ) ...afternoon.... blog!

This morning I spent the whole time trying to get my scanner to work, so thus, no morning blog. But I've got some stuff say for a change!

Today, lunch period was spent bothering Dan for the most part. He really ticked me off yesterday, and I'm extracting my revenge. So, I was making him jealous by glomping Matt at every opportunity (Matt doesn't mind too much, and he's nice to hug 'cause he's always warm.... and no, Mike, he's not my boyfriend! JUST A FRIEND!! T_T). It was rather comical. Civics class was cancelled, since Ms. Fotinos was at the Raptor's game with the people who signed up to go... the half of my class that was at school for the last three periods of the day got transferred to a Grade 12 geography class, in which was SO awkward that the teacher took pity on us and sent us all home. Redoing Angel Hunter again. This time, on the right sized paper... I'm sticking with the page layouts, tho, as I think I've got the look I want.

And, for fun! Rukura's theme song lyrics!

Home by Depeche Mode

Here is a song from the wrong side of town Where I'm bound to the ground by the loneliest sound That pounds from within and is pinning me down

Here is a page from the emptiest stage A cage or the heaviest cross ever made A guage of the deadliest trap ever laid

And I thank you for bringing me here For showing me home, for singing these tears Finally I've found that I belong here

The heat and the sickliest sweet smelling sheets That cling to the backs of my knees and my feet I'm drowning in time to a desperate beat

And I thank you for bringing me here For showing me home, for singing these tears Finally I've found that I belong...

Feels like home I should have known From my first breath

God sent the only true friend I call mine Pretend that I'll make amends the next time Befriend the glorious end of the line

And I thank you for bringing me here For showing me home, for singing these tears Finally I've found that I belong here.

( 7:11 AM ) Morning Blog!

This song is tripping me out right now, but goddamn, do I love it! *grooves to "Home" by Depeche Mode* It's a really dramatic song... and it's sooooo making me think of Rukura. >_<;

It's very cold this morning. At least I think so, anyway, so I'm sitting here wearing the couch blanket as a cape. I feel like a doooork.

Meg's Art Corner (Freckle-chan, you copycat! T_T)

A special little picture; Lucas in his newest style of dress. Drool factor, out of 10? 12.

What else to say... ummm... Mom didn't leave me lunch money again. T_T;

Over and out!

( 2:12 PM ) Cam: EVERYONE RUN WHILE YOU CAN!!!! THE END IS NEAR!!!!!

....yep, for the first time in YEARS, I'm the proud owner of twp pairs of blue jeans. I've not worn blue jeans since I was about 5... and these ones fit niiiiice. I have hips and a waist.... @__@

Anyway, mom and I went to Sears and then to Curry's Art Supplies. I got my two pairs of jeans, two men's dress shirts (one white, one black), a new sketchbook, 4 new warm grey prismacolors, and a new 05 pigment pen. I am a happy Meg-chan!

Blue jeans that fit... *in shock*

( 9:09 PM ) I have officially started rewriting the Chronicles of Benjamin Carter! WHIHAI! Here's a bit of what I've written so far.

Frail. Benjamin was frail. He was about 5'4, fifteen years of age, and pale. He was small and slight in build; a boy and not yet a man. Right now, he looked more fragile than he really was... curled up under the blankets of his rather small bed, bruised and crying. It was a familiar scene.

Benjamin wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand in a vain attempt to push the tears away. However, it was pointless since more just spilled down his cheeks as if to spite him and his efforts to stop them. He hated crying. Hated it. But at times like this --- only at times like this--- he couldn't help himself. He was so tired of being forced into the clutches of rich men; predators that liked their pleasure taken out on the young boys who could be bought if the price was right. He was sick of the violation and the abuse. Most of all, he was sick of his father pushing him into it. His own father. He hiccupped in his efforts to restrain his tears.

Benjamin wanted more than anything to run away. Run away to another city, another country, anywhere but where he was. Just out of the clutches of the people who hurt him so much. But he was trapped like the birds his father kept in the iron cages that lined the back yard. He was a prisoner, shackled to the bars of his perpetual cage. Derkshaw would catch him if he ran. Derkshaw always caught him.

"Damn him to hell," Benjamin thought bitterly, though he regretted thinking it for reasons he couldn't quite explain.

There was a tap of boots in the hallway, and Benjamin closed his eyes, breathed deeply, and pretended to be asleep. The heavy, even steps stopped outside his door. The door squeaked as it opened slightly.

Benjamin tried to keep his breathing slow and deep, tried not to flinch. He felt Derkshaw's gaze on him. It burned.

'Go away, papa, go away....'

The door opened a bit more, and the tap of boots carried into the room.

It would be a good half hour before Derkshaw left, the blood on his hands and shirt not his own.

( 2:28 PM ) Man, am I grateful for mom. She just brought me the most wonderful little care packet of a bottle of ibuprofen and a Terry's Dark Chocolate Orange bar. *sniffles happily* Thank you, mommie!

Amy, Amy, Amy.... you have no idea how much stress is gone already. *heavy sigh* I can't thank you enough.

Spellleeeeeeerrrr, next weekend is go for coming over to my house to watch movies! You like freaky movies, I'll make you watch freaky ANIME movies! On the roster so far: Perfect Blue and X. Maybe I'll make a trip to Roger's Video and snag Devil Man or something. But I will get you hooked. I will. Your time will come (*sings* thy will be done!).

*laughing at BMB* Yeah, Mik, you dirty minded cutie! You think those nasty thoughts about Harley! *laughing*

Oiiii, Freckle-chan... you posted a nice list of couples you like. I think for fun, I'll do the same!

Cardcaptor Sakura Touya and Yukito - kawaii! KAWAII!!!! Sakura and Tomoyo - so sue me!

Oh My Goddess! Trobadour and Urd - they were cool! Too bad he's such a dork. Keiichi and Belldandy - well, DUH!

Magic Knight Rayearth Ascot and Umi - I'm a sucker for Ascot. What a little cutie! Clef and Presea - ditto that, 'cause Clef is so cute and so short!

Dragon Half Mink and Lufa - not likely, I know, but still.

Bakuretsu Hunter Tira and Carrot - feh on Chocolate. She's not half as cool as Tira. Marron and Gateau - I don' like Gateau too much, but Marron is so hot. *_*

Ranma 1/2 Ranma and Shampoo - not likely, either, but I think Mousse is too wussy for her. I've always been a Ranma/Shampoo 'shipper.

Shamanic Princess Kagetsu and Tiara - it's a sad relationship... Sarah and Tiara - um, don't ask.

Slayers Lina and Gourry - he's so funny around her... ^__^

Sailor Moon Usagi and anyone but Mamoru! T_T; Chibi Usagi and Pelulu [Perelu, Perele] - *heehee* Cute fae-ish boy with white hair!

Neon Genesis Evangelion Shinji and Asuka - I think she really does like him. She just doesn't know how to show it. Misato and Koji - funny funny! She's a player, tho.

RPing kyara [involving mine] Cam and Mark - for obvious reasons. Rukura, Lian, and Gabby - yes, a yaoi threesome. They're all so cute. Sola [Soren] and Sybandial - so innocent and sweet. ^_^ Jyrian and Quoik - I don't talk about these two much, but their relationship is really cute. Jesse and Rach - how can I not like this? He's cute, she's cute (haha, Rach!) Lucas and Lila - I liked this possibility... too bad she's dead and we won't find out what woulda' happened. Lucas and Carter - this is a slightly more demented relationship. Cadence and Lexiel - a more intellectual relationship... even if Lexiel is kinda big on sex for sick reasons. ^_^; Cadence3 and Cam - I'm a sick, sick girl. Lucifer and Setsuko - if we get Setsuko back, then we can resume this. They're cute too. ^_^

Other Stories Kiih and Ro (from Dora's "Three O'Clock") - I don't really know why... these two just kinda hit it off in my mind. Len and Yuri (see above) - ditto the above again.

Book Series Ron and Hermione - need I explain? Sirius and Remus - again, need I explain? Lestat and Louis (Anne Rice's VC books) - strange but yummy relationship Lestat and David - intellectual and alluring. Marius and Amadeo - Stokholm syndrome. Cal and Meg (A Wrinkle in Time) - KAWAII!

That's that done. ^__^;

( 10:41 PM ) Sap warning ahead!

I have the best best friends in the whole world! My best friends are Speller and Amy!

Speller, who I know I don't mention on here too much (I'm sorry! ;_;), is the smartest person I know. She's also one of the most talented writers, too. How many people can write a whole novel before/during high school? Aside from Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, not many. And her poetry kicks ass! She has a lot of it published. She can also draw better realistic stuff than I can, which makes me mondo jealous. It's not fair, I tell you! And she must learn to watch out for Hannibal. Beware him. Speller likes pudding. And pears. Damn those pears.

Amy and I have been friends since 7th grade, when she was the "new kid". We actually first met in drama class. She ran over a possum on her way to work. Yeeeah! She, too, is an amazing writer. It's not FAIR! She came runner up in the story writing contest a while back. I was proud. And I SCREEEEEEAMED the loudest when she won the Todd Bayless award. I live to embarrass.... ^_~

I am grateful to have such good friends. I love them. This concludes the sap. ^___^;

( 9:04 PM ) Querida, you're cooler than Simon and Milo! (Personally, Milo's a tad too butch for my liking, but Simon is a cute little brit guy with the sweetest little sentiments!) ....anyway.... yes, you have a neck. I hope. ^_~

And to complete the phrase you know you have problems when...you obsess over a cartoon with no neck, no nose, and huge eyes!

( 7:29 AM ) Morning blog!

I watched Perfect Blue last night. It downright scared me! Seeing Hannibal didn't scare me, seeing the Rage; Carrie 2 didn't scare me.... but Perfect Blue DID. The "real Mima" (the one who's forever in the Cham costume) is SCARY!!! And the Mimaniac is pretty scary too. o_O Iffen you haven't seen this movie, get it. Especially if you like stuff like Neon Genesis Evangelion, X, or Serial Experiments Lain. I warn you, there's nudity, a rape scene, and a lot of gore. This movie freaked me out more than Eva did.

In other news... going to the art store tomorrow!!! And, I'm also skipping 5th period today. Maybe even 3rd, 'cause I'm stuck doing NOTHING all class anyway. -_-;

Hopefully they have the 10x15 paper I want... 'cause, you know, that being the traditional dimensions for comic drawing. Y'all knew that, right? *gives you a loooooook*

And I best be off to get ready... JA!

( 7:02 PM ) Blogger hates me.

OH! OH! EVERYONE GO READ TODAY'S BMB!!! CY AND SKIDS FOREVERRRRR!!!!

I'm having a hell of a lucky streak this week. Today, in the mail, I got an AUTOGRAPHED Simon and Milo picture, FRAMED!!! *swoons*

And I got Perfect Blue!!!!

( 5:14 PM ) Gonna go see Hannibal with Mike and Chris in about half an hour! ^__^ ( 7:21 AM ) Morning Blog!

Last night, began a really angsty RP with Cam and Mark (well, it was angsty on Cam's end). Now, I only just realized that I think up really weird stuff that follow pretty much all the major time/space/reality laws. And all on a whim and at random. It's strange. You know you study this stuff too much when.... Yep, it's not every day when I come up with plots like that puppy. Using the imprints left in the reality weave to reconstruct a Mark.... that's some strange stuff (but it actually makes sense, which is what throws me). Huh.

I feel guilty... I got mad at Amy last night. She was being a little more depressing than usual, and I just couldn't stand it. I'm sick and stressed and I don't need to boost her ego all the time.

I've had this urge for the past couple of days to draw Cam shaking Lucas by the shoulders and looking very upset while Lucas looks blank. I don't really know why.... the caption for it has been running through my head, as it is this: "What am I to you?!" Trippiness.

Well, being the idiot I am, I didn't do my civics homework. My group is gonna love me for that.... then again, they're sticking me with the job of reading the presentation on Spain because I'm the only one that knows how to speak some Spanish. *sweatdrops*

I'm having urges to draw the weirdest things.... I hate it when Cam angsts at me from his little spot in my mind.

Meg's Art Corner A really weird little picture of c3 and a Chibi Cam. C3 is drawn more in my gothic anime style than my normal one. Turned out quite well! ^_^

Over and out!

( 7:16 PM ) Neeee, imouto! If you're not gonna be doing Yunga Neko for a while, you should get a guest artist to do, like, weekly panels just until you can work on it again. *volunteers* ( 7:14 AM ) Morning blog time again, kids!

I'm feeling okay this morning, so school for me. *sigh* School is so boring. Lunch is okay, mind you, because I have (as Speller said) "so many male bitches that work" for me. ^__^

I've been doing a lot of drawing since I got those pens. It's scary... can't wait to get more! ^__^ I also gotta get me some 10 X 15 paper, 'cause that's the standard comic size. I don't feel up to fighting with printers because the size ratio on 8.5 X 11 is uneven. Screw it. I'll just redo it all on standards.

I'm having the straaangest breakfast. Pork chops. Don't ask me, it was the only thing I could find...

Song of the moment: "Cruel Angel's Thesis (Harmonia Remix)" from Evangelion. *slobbers* I forgot what a COOL remix this is!!!

Meg's Art Corner Ben Carter, looking cute and vaguely distant! (Hey, he's a Blink fan, too!) Mark makes a scarilly cute girl. o_O Appearently, so does Lucas. Onna-Cam makes me think of Rally from Gunsmith Cats for some reason.... How cliché.

Over and out!

( 5:30 PM ) Nah nah naaaah! Meg has Sympatico access!!

Anyway, Meg also got herself some niiiiice grey prismacolor pens yesterday! Meg drew some pretty pretty pictures with them, too! Meg is happy, so she is!

Meg's Art Corner With her new prismacolors in hand, Meg is proud to present her latest creations! Angelique, the evil evil bitchy whore of a Demon from AH. She's pretty, tho. ^_^; "Legacy of the Messiah" cast shot; Rukura, Lucifer, and Pandora as kids! Carter and Lucas, a strange relationship these doods have. Carter looks somewhat like Cam, doesn't he? Quoik, Meg's only fae kyara!!

( 2:25 PM ) Tiredtiredtiredtired....

At the Office Place, they have a set of 24 prismacolor markers for about 40 bucks. I WANT THEM, but mom says "no, I don't have that kind of money right now". So, what we're gonna do, is I'm gonna drag her to Curry's Art Supplies store in a few hours and see how much THEY'RE selling them for.... maybe she'll buckle and take me back to the Office Place. ^_~

I need grey markers...

...oh, note to all who talk to me at night online. I won't be on until really late 'cause the network will be down. Unless mom hooks us up with Sympatico tonight, I'll be on around 2am. *sniffles* I'm gonna be without my querida fix! *snifflesniffle*

( 8:34 PM ) Lack of bloggingness today, as you all may have noticed. Dunno why, I was home again....

song of the moment: "Under the Bridge" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I *heart* Flea.... what an AMAZING bass player. Too bad this song doesn't showcase him much. If you want good bass by the dood tho, "Californication" is an order.

*cheers* The restrictions to see Hannibal have been changed from R to AA! In other words, I can get in to see it! Heeey, Dan, Amy, Speller, anyone? Wanna come with? I warn y'all, tho, it's been said that this movie is grotesquely violent.

Tomorrow is gonna be a very busy day. I'm going into town with my mom and brother for most of the day, then it's home for a few hours (like, two), and to the mall where I shall meet with Quinn-chan and Chris to go for our ritual Riot Ink business meeting. Then I shall return from the depths of Quinn's anime/transformers shrine of a home and return to my humble lair around midnight. Then I'll prolly talk to my baaaaybeeeeee (aka: querida) for the remainder of the dark hours of the evening.

Oh! Celeb Jeopardy! Two of my faaaaavourite doods were on there! Seth Green from various shows such as Buffy, and Steven from the Barenaked Ladies! DOOD! And Seth has his hair buzzed in sooooo damn short that he looks bald. 0_o

Kick ass! 3 Doors Down are playing at the Warehouse on March 11, and tickets are only $27... man, I wanna GOOOOO!!!

( 12:37 PM ) For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica Make his fight on the hill in the early day Constant chill deep inside Shouting gun, on they run through the endless grey On the fight, for they are right, yes, by who's to say? For a hill men would kill, why? They do not know Suffered wounds test there their pride Men of five, still alive through the raging glow Gone insane from the pain that they surely know

For whom the bell tolls Time marches on For whom the bell tolls

Take a look to the sky just before you die It is the last time you will Blackened roar massive roar fills the crumbling sky Shattered goal fills his soul with a ruthless cry Stranger now, are his eyes, to this mystery He hears the silence so loud Crack of dawn, all is gone except the will to be Now the will see what will be, blinded eyes to see

For whom the bell tolls Time marches on For whom the bell tolls

( 12:17 PM ) Okay, today's guest BMB is quite good. ^__^

*points out the window* Heehee, a mini-plow!! *giggles*

song of the moment: "Sunny Came Home" by Shawn Colvin (so sue me, I like this song... ).

( 12:08 PM ) Why is it on days that it's not supposed to snow, it snows the most? We've gotten about 13 cm since last night and it's still coming down... -_-;

song of the moment: "For Whom the Bell Tolls" by Metallica. Heeheehee....makes me think of AH. I shall post the lyrics on here later.

( 7:42 AM ) The Wheel of Excitement on Neopets loves me... I just won another 10 000 np. O_O ( 7:35 AM ) Morning blog!

Here I am, killing time while I wait for either mom to call me or for me to call mom. Stupid morons in Wal-Mart, you call the main office and ask to be patched through to Electronics, and they put you on hold and hang up on you. Figures, it was mom's boss that just did that to me. Moron.

I got slim to no sleep last night due to sickness. Man, do I hurt... I feel like my guts are being put into a dryer's spin cycle constantly. And after drinking 3 L of cranberry juice, I'm not too good right now. I'm kinda waiting for mom to call so I can ask her what to do... I dunno if I should stay home or go to school. I bet I'm missing a fair bit. Well, there's always Fiona and Harpreet to ask. ^_^;;

I bet Dan's gonna kill me if I'm off another day. Mike's prolly beaten him up a few times by now without me there.

*drums her fingers* Mom, I asked you to phone me... you've got 10 minutes, and then I phone YOU....and hope I don't get hung up on...

Oh! BmB's on it's guest week. Y'know, with guest artists doing the panels. I'm not liking it too much. Yesterday's was a tad too blunt, with not enough joke 'ahind it. Maybe next time, I'll try for a guest spot on there. I'd be sure to do something involving Cy and Skids. I love Cy and Skids. ^__^

I'm running very low on straight kyara. Querida manages to turn them all gay! *shakes her head* Bennett, Lucas, Rukura, Sy.... who next? *turns to Tiirak* Dood, you're not gay are you? Tiirak: No way. Meg: You sure?? Tiirak: Yes, I'm sure. Meg: *looks suspicious*

Mommie bought me the Silence of the Lambs yesterday. It's such a good movie, and all the better if you've read the book. The casting for the movie is very good, too... Jodie Foster makes such a cute Clarice Starling. It really pisses me off that Julianne Moore is playing Clarice in Hannibal (which comes out tomorrow, check your local listings ^_~). She is SO not Starling material. But as long as Sir Anthony Hopkins is still good ol' Hannibal Lecter the Cannibal, I'll watch it.

*calls Mom* Wow, I got through....!!! Maybe that's because I cheated and used the associates-only code. How would I know THAT? 9.9

Looks like I get to stay home again today... *feh* Boredom and a half. Amy, if you're home, feel free to phone me or something.

Over and out!

( 10:50 PM ) Yeeeeeeeee! Querida can read my mind and alter my dreamstate!!!!

No one should have to drink 2 litres of cranberry juice in 5 hours. x_X

( 9:21 AM ) Morning blog!

I'm home sick! And it's only the 4th day of semester 2. Seems that whatever the hell was wrong with me before is wrong with me again... pain hurts, you know. T_T;

I've not much to say today... doesn't that suck when you wanna say something but you're outta' stuff to say?

OH!!! GOOD NEWS! AH Issue one is officially coming along WELL! Looks like I won't have to go to version 16... ^___^

( 9:32 PM ) Rukura and Lian... I got bored and messed around with PC Paintbrush... ( 6:41 PM ) *looking from her cat CC to her mug of hot chocolate* CC is staring at the marshmellows like they're evil..... *inches away* ( 6:29 PM ) The Angel Hunter church stainglass window...? ( 4:00 PM ) Okay, I know.... I didn't blog this morning. I was running mighty late. I had to hop fences to get to school. ^_^;;;

What did I do today? Not much. I got yelled at three times and nearly booted out of my history class (why? for drawing! >.<;;), and I nearly fell asleep in comm tech. Thankfully, Mr. Dewitte let us out early.

The layouts for pages 1-4 of AH have been redone. This is version 15... and I'm LIKING it! FINALLY!

Heeey, imouto! Mercutio was the best kyara in that play. I also liked Benvolio, he was cool too (my once-best-friend Brittany took to calling me 'Volio 'cause I liked him so much). Mercutio, tho, had one hell of an attitude, and he was interesting and VERY funny. Too bad he had to die... I'm glad you liked the little snippet. Allow me to post another, just for you! ^__^ This is another bit I quite like.

Benjamin found it facinating to watch him, he was so calm and so... well, he was the very picture of freedom as far as he was concerned. Yes, that was it. Benjamin admired Lokistrant's blasé attitude towards life. Envy, almost.

When one night, Lokistrant was late on his ritual visits to the plantation, Benjamin worried. Could he have been hurt?.... no. This was Lokistrant. He didn't GET hurt. But maybe he just didn't want to see him anymore?

Abandonment. A reoccurring issue. His throat felt dry suddenly. He curled up on his bed, blond hair over his eyes, and wished for morning, when he KNEW that Lokistrant would not come. No second guessing when daylight was involved.

Minutes passed. And quite unexpectedly, Lokistrant was there, startling the boy. Leaning against the far wall, watching quietly, decked out in his usual dark reds and silvers. Benjamin sat up. "How long have you been there? You scared me!"

Lokistrant smiled his usual enigmatic smile, the impression of fangs something no longer unexpected. "Carter, deepest apologies for being so late." The smile was kind, but the voice was final, the tone stating that there was to be no questions asked. Lokistrant held out his hand to the boy. "Care to come with me into town for a while?"

( 7:45 AM ) Morning Blog, part II

Oh! I saw Cast Away over the weekend! It's SO good! Tom Hanks is a surprisingly good actor... I mean, who else can get away with talking to a volleyball so convincingly? And we all know that Amy likes to imagine him naked (Tom, not the volleyball). You should all go see it! NOW!!!! That's an order!

Heehee, now a little quote for fun from a story I am going to re-write.

Benjamin stared across the table at the stranger, worried. The man seemed in his twenties, if that, and had long brown hair that spilled over his shoulders and down his back. His eyes were an unnatural ruby red, and they were very intelligent eyes. Benjamin had learned early in life to be cautious, especially with the smarter ones.

The man crossed his hands on the table in front of him, casual. "Benjamin Carter, correct?"

Benjamin could dect a vague, though unrecognizable, accent. "Yes sir."

"You're fifteen?"

"Yes sir."

"Such a shame to see someone so young forced into... what you're familiar with."

Benjamin sunk down in his chair. "Why are you here? Why did you pull me away from papa?"

To match Benjamin's withdraw from the table, the man leaned forward, and smiled. Benjamin could have sworn he saw fangs. "You remind me of someone."

( 7:22 AM ) Morning blog!

Man, do I feel WEIRD this morning. I'm not sure why, exactly, but I just feel weird. I dunno. I think a certain spiritie dood slept in my bed with me last night.... *points at Bennett* 'Cause I actually slept.

Last night, during a particularly good RP, my ISP died and wouldn't let me back on. I wasn't happy. It was getting SO good, too... *pouts*

I'm so quickly out of things to say.... ^____^;;

O'er an' out!

( 11:17 AM ) Meg's random contemplations I'm considering re-writing Carter's story, which ties in with a fair bit of Lucas' story. Been considering it for a while... Carter's got some serious problems, and he's fun to write because he's so screwed up. He's got a really weird past. His dad was SUCH a jerk.... and up until becoming a vampire, Carter was good little Bennie; never had the nerve to fight his father. *ponders* It's an interesting story. Maybe I'll start on it again after I get home from seeing Cast Away.... ( 10:56 PM ) Okay, people, special announcement!!!!!!! Congrats to Bennett and niichan on the birth of their daughter, Candra Arael Bennett! ^___^ ( 3:32 PM ) Woohoo! I got switched from Casement's class to Apostolou's class! Hooray!!! And I am already SO ahead of all the people in my comm tech class. I seem to be the only one who knows how to use Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, Publisher, and Premier, as well as Quark and a few other programs. Damn, am I ahead. *_* ( 7:36 AM ) Morning blog!

Wow, I only slept 3 hours and I feel okay.... *falls out of her chair laughing at today's BmB* Cy and Skids are a riot! I hope they do turn out as a couple! *laughing*

New semester starts today. I'm not too happy about this, as I have history and math this semester, and history is my homeroom class. With Mr. Casement. *cries* NOOOO!!! If I get called by my last name ONCE in his class, I'm gonna commit suicide (okay, not really).

My room is now a nice shrine of large wall hangings. On the walls around my bed, I have three Card Captor Sakura wallscrolls (two anime, one manga), and one kick-ASS Prozzak Saturday People promo poster. Thank you, John. *smilesmilesmile*

On Neopets, I am neopoor. Looks like my pets are gonna be eating at the soup kitchen a lot. -_-;

Meg's Art Corner! I know, I've not done much in the way of art lately. You know what's weird? I tend to draw more in school than at home. I think it's because I'm around so many people. Cam's SD Panther form, doodled in MS Paint. I was bored, okay? And it DID turn out cute. Part of my MS Paint family portrait. I still have to finish the pictures for John and Dani, and the kids too if I have enough willpower after screwing around with the stupid program afterwards.

Song of the moment: "When Doves Cry (Fatboy Slim remix) by Depeche Mode and Prince. I love this... don't ask me why. ^_^;

Quote of the moment: "Listen sister, if I want your opinion, I'll BEAT it out of you!" -- Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

Okay, that's it for now. Ja matta ne! *disappears in purple smoke*

( 12:38 PM ) Song of the moment: "Misere by Andrea Bocelli and John Miles. I have a very....expansive taste in music. So sue me. *sings along* ( 11:45 AM ) To Chris-kun: Dooood, I don't hate you, and I'm not mad at you..... jus' chill, man. S'your blog, you can say what's on your mind...

I got my pretty pretty new cladagh ring in the mail yesterday! *kisses said ring* Mi querida gave it to me!! Isn't that sweet? ^__^

I have come to the conclusion that Cam would make a really scary bad guy. Like, not c3... but if CAM were bad. He'd be scary. I mean, he's already got some issues with where his loyalty lies... and he's pretty much infinite in power. Not to mention, after being killed about 200 times, I think he knows the painful ways to kill people. Wonder if niichan (currently my neechan) sees this? Well, at least now he knows about Cam's possibilities for becoming nothing more than a lethal weapon.

I have three neopets! My blue wocky named Cadence, my green shoyru named Lokistrant, and my yellow eyrie Poyania! ^__^

"My December" is © Linkin Park. The art is mine. Don't take. Information on the layout is thus; this is Damien McKinnley, a character of mine whom I've been roleplaying for a little over a year now. He's Simon McKinnley's oldest child, and he's kinda angsty and depressive. Art done in paintchat and added some snow in Photoshop.

Name: Meg Graham AKA: DJ Rabid Armadillo Age: 17 Birthday: May 1st Identifies as: a depressive and obsessive compulsive bisexual artist and writer Hair: black Eyes: grey Bands: Depeche Mode, Iron Maiden Movies: Fight Club, Velvet Goldmine, Hedwig and the Angry Inch Books: As I Lay Dying, Harry Potter, Fight Club, A Clockwork Orange, and the Repairman Jack series. Anime: Fruits Basket, Kare Kano Manga: Fruits Basket, Kare Kano Artists: Takaya Natsuki, H.R Giger, Tony, Firefly Family: Tony, Julian, Dora, Poe, Mina Lives for: Firefly, art, music

Legacy of the Messiah Deviantart

Brittany Deanna Lisa Firefly Dora Becky Dan Julian Tony (blog) Alex Heidi Megan Hana Gerrad Kiran Amy Zalina Katarina Matt Ribby Chris Meagen Poe Tsua Frecklegirl Rikki Mina Blair

Journeys Down Boy Meets Boy Little Machine Litost Satellite Yunga Neko Lean On Me Chronicles of a Drow Sorceress Spider Born Haato no Kagami Arcana Tiger/Tiger Separation Anxiety Nymphs of the West

Aesiraven.com Aesiraven Oekaki Kaki-riffic! Neopets KikiWai b3ta

Name Contact? Speak to me. (smilies)

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cosplayinamerica · 4 years ago

Photo

AUTHOR INTERVIEW : Ryan La Sala

The best thing about being in Artist Alley is the opportunity to meet people. You are sitting behind a table and basically the entire convention comes by you. Over three days you are chatting, laughing and sharing stories with the community. It was 2019 and I was sharing a table at Anime NYC 2019. It was my first time back to New York in a number of years and this is how I met author Ryan La Sala who just released his first book Reverie at that time. He mentioned he was working on a book related to cosplay. Fast forward to now Jan 2021 and his new book Be Dazzled is out!

But before we jump into the book, let’s talk to Ryan about his experience cosplaying. I mean I do run a cosplay blog!

EJEN: So Ryan, after digging around on Google I discovered you cosplayed at New York Comic Con previously. Take me back and let’s talk about how you discover cosplay, what do you love about it and take me through your experience cosplaying and convention going.

RYAN: I’ve always loved crafting costumes, and I’ve always loved cons and anime, but for some reason I didn’t cosplay myself until I started dating this guy who needed help on an iceman look. We dated for a few years and it was through him that I got really into the world of cosplay, even building us matching Hawkman cosplays for NYCC one year. I started writing a book about cosplay soon after, and fell deeper in love through the process of research. I love cosplay for so many reasons.

Dressing up is such an effective way of outsmarting reality and inhabiting the body of someone powerful, or eccentric, or dramatic. It feels good and it looks cool. Plus, I have profound respect for the work that goes into building these looks. I love that cosplay is half armor, half art, and entirely fun.

The irony of writing a book about crafting and cosplay is that I rarely had time to work on my own cosplays. The result was that despite being super crafty, I was constantly the only one in my group of con friends not dressed up, which meant I got to hold their stuff and take photos of them while at cons. Which I actually love! It gave me the ability to absorb the atmosphere and appreciate everyone’s hard work, and observe. That’s what I needed while writing, but now that the book is done I’m super excited to get to work on all the things I couldn’t create these past few years. Soon, my friends will be forced to hold my things and take my photo!

EJEN; Cosplay is like any creative process faced with barriers and difficulties, some of them interior battles and along the way I think we find ourselves through this process. Share with us how cosplay has informed you and your writing.

RYAN: There is nothing more humbling than that task of taking something imagined and attempting to make it material. Cosplays are like that. So are books. The mark of a job well done is often the lack of any signs of effort, but the truth is that effortless excellence comes at the steep price of a lot of rejection, failure, and determination. I learned this early on in my own crafting ventures, and it prepared me for the monumental task of taking the worlds in my head and trying, despite physics and reality, to put them into the heads of others.

If you’re me, you start every project with half the knowledge you need to finish it. Half if you’re lucky. The rest has to be figured out as you go.When I create something--a craft, a cosplay, or a book--it’s often an exercise in trust and vulnerability. I trust that if I just keep going, I’ll finish, and maybe it won’t suck. And that’s a vulnerable thing to do--to know perfectly well that you’re not nearly as skilled as you need to be to accomplish something, yet setting out to accomplish it anyways.

EJEN: So your new book Be Dazzled has been tagged as Project Runway meets Comic Con. I’m sure your con experiences help create the characters Raffy and Luca, can you talk about how these two came into being as well as the genesis of your second novel?

RYAN: I was a mess at my first NYCC. I stayed up every night for like a month prior building matching cosplays for me and my boyfriend, who wasn’t very useful at crafting but was super hot, so we balanced each other out. Anyways, on the day of NYCC I was irritable and exhausted, but also elated and inspired. It was a strange, super-specific scenario, and immediately afterwards I called my agent to tell her I wanted to write a rom com based on it.

That’s how I got Raffy and Luca, and their fraught relationship drama taking place during a cosplay competition. Raffy is this super determined artist that fights through perfectionism and anxiety to deliver amazing work, yet Luca, his ex-boyfriend, gets tons of recognition cosplaying because he’s hot. The book is fiction, and the story is made up, but it’s rooted in a real experience and a real relationship.

And for anyone wondering, me and that guy broke up. It wasn’t because of cosplay though, I promise! We’re still best friends, and the book is actually dedicated to him.

EJEN: How was the writing process with the second book? I mean with your first book there was definitely many, many years put into that book. This time I assume your writing time has shortened plus you definitely have more experience under your belt.

RYAN: I’m careful about saying this because I don’t want the Novelist Mafia to put a hit out on me, but writing this book was a lovely, painless process. I think it’s because this book is made out of pure love and joy. Even though it starts with a breakup, the book itself is about all these things I love, and have loved forever.

Crafting, anime, costumes, cons, new love, second chances, teamwork -- it’s all readily available joy that I just had to write down. And it also helped that the emotional plot of the book was something I myself had gone through, so much of this felt like therapy.

And, of course, there’s the deadline. First books are hard because no one is asking for them, usually. You can just go on and on until you’re done. Second books, however, are often developed with a deadline looming. I’d like to think I’m a better writer the second time around, but it may just be that I’m a tad bit more….inspired.

EJEN: I love your story how growing up you didn’t see queer people represented in the books you read so you were inspired in a way to make own path plus the way you found yourself a book deal makes it sounds like a dream. Though you know as well as I do there are many curves and many paths to reach your goal. What are some nuggets you would give creators out there hustling for their dreams?

RYAN: Take your dreams seriously. Afford your dreams the dignity of your best effort. There’s lots and lots of advice out there meant to ease off the pressure, to give you a break, to treat yourself, to take care, to take a break -- all of that is good advice. But I always tell creatives that it’s also okay to know exactly what you want to do, and to pursue it with unremitting resolve. I especially want queer creators to know this, because so often no one is asking after our art. We have to create it without any promises it’ll be recognized, and it’s so easy to give up as a result. So I’m here to tell you to take your work seriously, because it deserves it. And you deserve it.

EJEN: What would you hope readers would take away after finishing your book.

RYAN: My greatest dream is that someone will put down my book and be inspired to make something amazing for themselves. It doesn’t have to be a cosplay or a book. It could be a dragon made out of laffy taffy for all I care. I just want people to get in touch with their own ability to make cool stuff, and to take risks expressing themselves.

My second greatest dream is that readers realize that stories like this--that are joyful and queer--are too rare. I hope they put down my book and ask for another just like it.

EJEN: So how are you handling the pandemic ? Are you using the time for your next book?

RYAN: I certainly should be, but I’ve found instead that the pandemic has created an oddly perfect scenario for me to focus on all the arting and crafting I didn’t get to do while I was writing a book about arts and crafts. I’m writing more, but I’m also working on lots of mini-projects. I’ve started a crafting channel on YouTube, for instance, and separately a podcast in which me and another writer are reading a fantasy novel written by Tyra Banks as if it’s a IRL Bookclub. Stuff like that.

EJEN: Awesome, thank you Ryan and good luck with what comes next, I hope to see you in the future at Anime NYC or New York Comic Con!

Be Dazzled is available now. Read the first chapter here.

#author #interview #author interview

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chillyravenart · 5 years ago

Note

Hi, I'm curious about your opinion on a seldom discussed asoiaf matter: Rhaegar Targaryen's relationship with his mother, Rhaella. It's bugging me since there's little to no mention of it in any of the books. Safe to assume that Viserys was close to her, her crown was his last joy according to Dany. Dany herself sadly doesn't count, she only has stories about their mom. But Rhaegar has plenty of years. He must have seen her misery as well. Surely he didn't just stand aside and did nothing right?

It's a seldom discussed matter for a reason, we simply don't have enough material on their relationship and only mere snippets on them entirely. I have opinions and views of my own, but none of them are fully backed up by canon- because the info just doesn’t exist :(

Rhaegar was born to thirteen-year old Rhaella during the Tragedy at Summerhall- an event that was said to overshadow him throughout his life. As per royal etiquette, I can only assume that baby Rhaegar was brought up by wetnurses and tutored by maesters as a child, with limited access to his mother. This would have been exacerbated by the fact that within the first eleven years of Rhaegar’s life, Rhaella lost FIVE babies. Her role was to provide Aerys with heirs and spares, and for a very long time, it ended in grief. I’m sure Rhaegar would have known of his mother’s misery, but there’s literally nothing to illustrate that point. Royal children did not share the same maternal relationship as children today, and whilst I’m certain Rhaella loved her firstborn, I just don’t know if they were super close on account of her losses, as well as Aerys’ increasing madness.

I’ve done some rambling below the cut just to try and explore this further. Hope it makes sense lol!

To start off with, Rhaella and Aerys’ marriage was never a happy one. Aerys was unfaithful, and Rhaella clearly disapproved.

Sadly, the marriage between Aerys II Targaryen and his sister, Rhaella, was not as happy; though she turned a blind eye to most of the king’s infidelities, the queen did not approve of his “turning my ladies into his whores.”

This led Rhaella to eventually dismiss her friend and lady-in-waiting Joanna Lannister, who as everyone knows, married Aerys’ Hand, Tywin Lannister. Her marriage suffered as did her health when she lost 5 babies in a ten year period.

Relations between the king and queen grew even more strained when Rhaella proved unable to give Aerys any further children. Miscarriages in 263 and 264 were followed by a stillborn daughter born in 267. Prince Daeron, born in 269, survived for only half a year. Then came another stillbirth in 270, another miscarriage in 271, and Prince Aegon, born two turns premature in 272, dead in 273.

This tidbit had escaped me entirely but when Tytos Lannister died in 267AC, Tywin returned west and Aerys accompanied him with Rhaegar.

Though His Grace left the queen behind in King’s Landing (Her Grace was pregnant with the child who proved to be the stillborn Princess Shaena), he took their eight-year-old son Rhaegar, Prince of Dragonstone, and more than half the court. For the better part of the next year, the Seven Kingdoms were ruled from Lannisport and Casterly Rock, where both the king and his Hand were in residence…

This highlights a period of almost a year where Rhaella and Rhaegar were separated. Again, I can only assume they missed each other- as any mother and child would- but nothing is written of it. It was also during this time that Aerys’ relationship with Rhaella began to show cracks.

At first His Grace comforted Rhaella in her grief, but over time his compassion turned to suspicion. By 270 AC, he had decided that the queen was being unfaithful to him…

Aerys began imposing restrictions on Rhaella at this stage, forbidding her to leave Maegor’s Holdfast and having two septas share her bed. This probably extended to her relationship with Rhaegar too, sadly.

The march of the king’s madness seemed to abate for a time in 274 AC, when Queen Rhaella gave birth to a son. So profound was His Grace’s joy that it seemed to restore him to his old self once again … but Prince Jaehaerys died later that same year, plunging Aerys into despair….

Nothing is mentioned of Rhaegar during these troubling times, but again, I can only assume he was kept separate from the inner workings of the queen’s court and wasn’t fully exposed to his mother’s troubles. We also know he was a solitary child during his early years and preferred books until the age of ten when he decided to take up arms too. He was seventeen when Viserys was born, and was “everything that could be wanted in an heir apparent” and yet it was still overcast by Aerys’ deteriorating mental health. It’s also worthy of note that once Rhaegar came of age, his role in the workings of the court would have increased; he may have sat at council meetings and been prepared for the role of heir. This paired with the fact that he continued to read, train vigorously, and travel to Summerhall on his own indicates that he didn’t really have much of a “family environment” to speak of. I always wonder where he got his love of music from, and I’d like to think Rhaella enjoyed his sad songs and harp skills- but again, WE DON’T KNOW :’(

The birth of Prince Viserys only seemed to make Aerys II more fearful and obsessive, however. Though the new young princeling seemed healthy enough, the king was terrified lest he suffer the same fate as his brothers… Even the queen herself was forbidden to be alone with the infant…

I don’t think Rhaella and Viserys were as close as could be hoped during Viserys’ early childhood. Aerys was extremely paranoid, particularly after the defiance of Duskendale which broke him irrevocably and turned him against his wife and heir.

Convinced that the smallfolk and lords were plotting against his life and fearing that even Queen Rhaella and Prince Rhaegar might be part of these plots, he reached across the narrow sea to Pentos and imported a eunuch named Varys to serve as his spymaster…

Similarly, when Rhaegar wed Elia in 280AC, Aerys did not attend, nor did he allow Viserys to attend. Since there’s no mention of Rhaella being prohibited, we can safely assume that she was in attendance.

They were wed the following year, in a lavish ceremony at the Great Sept of Baelor in King’s Landing, but Aerys II did not attend. He told the small council that he feared an attempt upon his life if he left the confines of the Red Keep, even with his Kingsguard to protect him. Nor would he allow his younger son, Viserys, to attend his brother’s wedding…

Rhaegar and Elia took up residence on Dragonstone after the wedding, presumably because Rhaegar and Aerys were definitely at odds at this stage and rumours and paranoia were rampant. There were talks of Aerys possibly disinheriting Rhaegar, Rhaegar deposing Aerys etc. Again, no clue on how Rhaella would have felt about this- but you can probably guess! The only slight snippet we have is when Rhaegar presented Rhaenys in court.

When Prince Rhaegar returned to the Red Keep to present his daughter to his own mother and father, Queen Rhaella embraced the babe warmly…

This certainly gives us an insight to how pleased Rhaella would have been to be a grandma, so I can imagine this reunion would have been very dear to her too. Fast forward to the Tourney at Harrenhal, neither Rhaella or Viserys were present, and had been left behind at the Red Keep. During the Rebellion, we know Rhaegar meant to win the war and bring about change- for his own family too, “... changes will be made. I meant to do it long ago, but... well, it does no good to speak of roads not taken…”

But when Rhaegar was slain at the Trident,

When the word reached court, Aerys packed the queen off to Dragonstone with Prince Viserys…

Nothing is mentioned of her reaction to her firstborn’s death (but we can imagine) nor the nine months Rhaella and Viserys spent together, but it must have been a time fraught with worry and fear as King’s Landing fell and House Targaryen was unmade. I feel most deeply for Rhaella’s life, and I wish we had more detail on her direct relationship with her children- particularly Rhaegar- but alas, there is not much to work with. All I can say is, despite her woes and losses and the abuse she suffered, Rhaella was a strong woman, she held her own and was dignified until the end. I’m certain she adored all her children, and the pain she suffered throughout her life affected her acutely, but she remained with her faculties intact and was able to possess the fortitude to carry Daenerys to full-term and deliver her safely, before sadly perishing herself.

RIP Rhaella, your daughter is amazing and you would be so proud of her, and Rhaegar’s legacy also lives on. VIVA LA HOUSE TARGARYEN!!!! I really hope this answered your question, if not, it certainly made me sad AF to research all this.

#anon asks #chillyravenart answers #rhaella targaryen #rhaegar targaryen #its depression hour #gosh this breaks my heart man

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kor-ra · 5 years ago

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Fun challenge for you based on your recent tags: Explain to me, someone who has never watched a single episode of the 100, why you ship Bellarke? I am curious, and I'm hoping this is entertaining for you to do lol

Oh gosh ok you asked for it, the flood gates have been opened. Sorry this took so long to answer but I wanted to explain it in the best way I could (or at least try to). I’m going to do a short version and a long version so people don’t have to read my entire explanation lol. Also I’m only going over the plot as it relates to their story, so there will probably be some holes.

Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake are soulmates, plain and simple as that. The growth that they have had since the first season till now has been a long and winding road. They were enemies then became co leaders then best friends and now are (hopefully) on track to admitting that they love each other. The amount of parallels the show draws between them is insane and they both have such a profound understanding of each other due to their shared leadership role and constantly being the person that the other one goes to when they need someone to comfort them. Time and time again they choose each other, even during some of the most difficult decisions they will ever have to make. Their growth almost always comes back to how they influence each other to try and be better people. Canonically, they make better decisions when they are together: The Head and the Heart. They cannot exist as their full selves without each other in their lives because their lives have become so intertwined with each other that they are fundamentally different people when they’re apart. No matter how often they’re apart, they always find a way back to each other. And if nothing else, the gazes and longing hugs that they give each other just oozes love and understanding.

Ok that was the short version. Here’s the Long Version🤪

Ok so Bellamy and Clarke definitely did not start off this way. From the very first episode they are at each other’s throats. Clarke is trying to be the practical leader to get these kids to survive while Bellamy is the dynamic leader inspiring these kids to “do whatever the hell they want”. They don’t see eye to eye and Bellamy even says he’s willing to cut off Clarke’s hand to get what he wants. This doesn’t change until 1x03 when Bellamy sees Clarke mercy kill Atom, another kid on Earth.

This girl, who he thought was a pampered princess, was able to make this tough decision while he couldn’t. After that they begrudgingly try and coexist together. Then “Day Trip” happens and Bellamy and Clarke go off on their own and almost die by a rogue delinquent. They kill him and while they’re recuperating Bellamy wants to run away from all the hardships and mistakes that he’s made. Instead of holding it against him, Clarke gives him forgiveness (“if you want forgiveness, I’ll give it to you ok, fine you’re forgiven”)

For the first time they are truly vulnerable with each other and make their first decision to lead together. This is the turning point. From then on they co lead together, sharing the burden and responsibilities of leadership and being the person that the other depends on. They don’t always get along but they learn to rely on each other. The season ends with them separated at the end of their first big battle. Clarke closes the drop ship door to save her people from the enemy and she thinks he didn’t survive the blast outside

Bellamy and Clarke are separated (a common occurrence that you will soon find out) Clarke is trapped in Mt. Weather and although the rest of her people are comfortable there, she is determined to get out and find out if the rest of her people -cough cough Bellamy- are alive. Bellamy likewise also starts to look for Clarke. Angst and drama ensues, but the important part is that we get our first ever Bellarke hug and man is it a good one (and an absolute fan favorite)

Like Bellamy is so stunned by the way she RUNS and wraps her arms around him and slowly after the shock hugs her back. But this hug cements just how important they’ve become to each other. From here on out they protect each other. Bellamy saves Clarke from being poisoned, he volunteers to go into Mount Weather and Clarke (originally) violently opposes it saying that “She can’t lose him to” in reference to losing the boy she loved, among other things (imo this is when Bellamy starts to develop real feelings for Clarke). Finally towards the end of the season when they face off against the “big baddie” they have to make the choice to kill hundreds of innocent people among the guilty to save their own people. An impossible choice, and Clarke being the self sacrificial puppy that she is wants to “bear it so they don’t have to”. But Bellamy won’t let her do that, they’re going to share that heavy burden. And they pull the lever together

So they return home, people rescued and the guilt hanging high above their heads. But for Clarke the guilt is too much to bear and she tells Bellamy that she has to leave. And Bellamy BEGS her to stay, even repeating that same line that she said to him in the beginning of the show. However, she leaves him and her people behind, which would lead them both down a path of hurt.

And hurt they do. Clarke leaving didn’t fill the hole of guilt in her heart, and Bellamy was left to (try lol) and heal his broken heart on his own. I will also say that both Clarke/Bellamy get their own significant other with Lexa/Gina respectively and this is because (imo) they both go down paths where the other is not in the picture I’m so certain that if they stayed togehter, they would’ve been together and that’s why they’re always separated. But then for the first time in the 3 months since she left, Bellamy finds Clarke, while she’s being taken captive and literally DROPS EVERYTHING to rescue her. When he finds her it is the most tender thing.

This is soon interrupted when Roan (her captor) comes back and Clarke BEGS him to save his life, saying “I’ll do anything. I’ll stop fighting just please don’t hurt him.” Bellamy gets stabbed in the leg and and Clarke and Roan get away. Unlike a normal person, Bellamy Blake is hopelessly in love and devoted to Clarke so he STILL TRIED TO GO AFTER HER WITH A HOLE IN HIS LEG AND WE GET THIS BEAUTIFUL SCENE RIGHT HERE

Cut back a little while later Clarke is safe in Polis with Lexa, trying to unify their two clans and Bellamy finds her again. He tells her to come back to Arkadia (their home) but she says she needs to be here (in Polis). This breaks his heart and is what sets him literally down a VERY DARK PATH of murder to try and justify a war (complicated stuff, what matter is he fucks up). Clarke eventually does come back to Arkadia only to find a very angry and heartbroken Bellamy who tries to justify his actions (You Left Me). They have a very Bellarke™ talk full of emotion and love.

And just when you think everything is going to be alright, he handcuffs her to a chair lol. And they spend a good chunk of the season apart.

When the going gets tough however, they know that they need each other. And after episodes of not speaking to each other they have another one of their Bellarke™ talks and hugs where Bellamy says “I was so mad at you for leaving. I don’t want to feel that way anymore” And then they hug like this, like c’monnnnnnn platonic my ass.

I’m going to speed up for the sake of getting to more stuff. But they end season 3 as they always do, fighting the evil together. Other highlights include Clarke’s (brainwashed) mom using Bellamy as her 1st choice to sacrifice in front of Clarke. There’s also a cute hand holding scene hgngnghngg

For all the angst however, this is the first season when other people call them out on their feelings (mainly Bellamy’s tho) for each other well Octavia already called him out during the first hug but that doesn’t count because She knows him too well. His other friends call him out for not being devoted to his old girlfriend Gina (who died) and Murphy comparing his feeling for Emori (his CANON love interest) to Clarke.

Ok, I know a lot of this post has been focused on Bellamy’s feelings and that’s mostly because Clarke has had a love interest in every season so she hasn’t had time to recognize her own feelings. However during s4, we get to see the extent of just how much Clarke means to Bellamy as well. There are a lot of moments in this season so I’m just going to try and focus on the big ones/my faves.

(This isn’t super important, but in the 1st episode of s4, Clarke is still grieving her gf Lexa who died and IMMEDIATELY AFTER, we get a cut to Bellamy like way to be subtle guys. no platonic explanation for this edit)

Ok basically what you need to know about s4 is that the world is going to end by a nuclear radiation cloud thingy called Praimfaiya and it’s up to Bellarke (along with some other peeps lol) to save everyone from it. So one of the things Clarke has to do is write a list of 100 people to choose for a potential bunker. So of course Clarke puts Bellamy on spot 99 but can’t bring herself to write her own name. So Bellamy who is sleeping on the couch wakes up because his Clarke is sad sirens are going off to tell her to put her name down. (If I’m on that list, you’re on that list) Still she can’t do it sO BELLAMY DOES IT FOR HER (because this boy needs her to be with him). and then he puts his hand on her AND SHE LAYS HER HEAD ON HIS HAND....so tender.

Ok so a few episodes later Bellamy (and Kane) get held hostage and Clarke has to sacrifice part of a large shelter that they need to escape Praimfaiya for them, it’s a tough decision but one that Clarke obviously makes. (Literally the only reason Bellamy was even taken was because Roan knew how much he meant to specifically Clarke). I can’t find a gif, but trust me it’s worrisome

Ok god next episode is when we start getting into that high stakes shit (THAT I LOVE). So basically Clarke and Bellamy are going to be separated AGAIN and right before he leaves Bellamy says this

LIKE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ARGUE THAT HE WAS NOT ABOUT TO CONFESS HIS LOVE TO HER LIKE CMON PEOPLE LOOK AT EVERY TROPE OF THIS EVER. Clarke of course was like “No, we will see each other again” but uhufhdjejdwkndwk he was going to say “I love you” in my book

Ok now towards the end of the season, most everyone in Skaikru is in this Bunker except for Octavia and most of the grounders (people on earth who survived the original radiation). I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this yet but Octavia is Bellamy’s younger sister and throughout the show he has sacrificed so so much for her and risked a lot of things to keep her safe. So now when Bellamy learns that Octavia is alive and outside the bunker he rushes to open the door for her. But here’s the catch: if they open the hatch, there’s a chance the radiation is bad and everyone in the bunker (THE HUMAN RACE) would die. However, because Bellamy needs to save his sister he’s willing to take that risk. For Clarke, that isn’t though and POINTS A GUN at him. But Bellamy says if she shoots she’s “going to have to make it a kill shot”. AND SHE CAN’T BRING HERSELF TO SHOOT HIM. CLARKE CANNOT KILL BELLAMY EVEN IF IT MEANT SAVING THE HUMAN RACE. Of course it was fine but still man c’mon.

And then later in order to try and lighten the mood, when they’re trying to drive the rover, Bellamy makes Clarke laugh and IS SO DISTRACTED BY HER SMILE HE CRASHES THE CAR. ok moving on

OK HERE IS THE BIG LEAGUE MY FAVORITE BELLARKE SCENE IN THE SERIES. So Bellamy and Clarke have this big heart to heart cause Clarke thinks she’s gonna die and it is the softest scene ever. So Clarke, thinking she’s going to die says “You’ve got such a big heart Bellamy. People follow you, you inspire them because of this (his heart). But the only way we’re gonna make sure we survive is if you use this too (his head aka what Clarke represents in their relationship” AND TO THAT RESPONDS “I got you for that” IN THE MOST TENDER WAY LIKE THEY’RE SO IN LOVE. And also they have one of the best bellarke hugs of the show.

So Bellarke and like 6 of their friends head off to the space station to avoid the death wave. However, the satellite that allows them to get in isn’t working, so Clarke sacrifices her self to go and fix it while the rest of her friends can go to space. Bellamy makes the HEARTWRENCHING DECISION to leave her behind in order to save the rest of his friends from the death wave. So Spacekrew go up to the station to wait 6 years until Earth becomes habitable while Bellamy grieves Clarke’s death.

Except she’s not dead

Clarke has special blood called “nightblood” that made her immune to the radiation. She spends the next six years on the only available plot of green land left with her adoptive daughter Madi (who has nightblood and she found when she survived the radiation.) So for the next 6 years CLARKE CALLS BELLAMY ON THIS RADIO EVERY DAY. This radio doesn’t even work, but Clarke calls him anyways to keep her sane and (imo) this is when I truly think Clarke realizes the depth of her feelings for Bellamy, because I for sure wouldn’t call my platonic buddy EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for 6 years (THATS 2199 DAYS) like c’mon

Ok so 6 years have passed, and Clarke is waiting for Bellamy + Co (Spacekru) to come back to Earth. But before Spacekru comes back, another ship lands on Earth full of escaped prisoners who have been cryogenically frozen for the past like 150 years. So basically they come to Earth, capture Clarke and hold her hostage, while Madi (her adoptive daughter) escapes.

Literally a little while later Spacekru finds their way back to Earth and stumble upon Madi who tells them Clarke is alive, much to all of their shock but ESPECIALLY Bellamy (cause ya know the love of his life is back from the dead). So he goes to find and rescue her his wife from the prisoners. When he finds her they threaten to shoot him on sight, but he has leverage. He can send a signal back to the spaceship so, he trades 283 lives in order to save Clarke because of course he does.

Bellamy and Clarke finally have their moment to reunite 6 years in the making and it’s as soft and sweet as you could ever expect it to be and they have another one of their classic Bellarke™ hugs.

Ok so happy ending now for them right? They’re finally back together !!! Well NOPE because after Bellamy was done grieving Clarke he got himself a girlfriend :))))))) named Echo (context Echo was an assassin/spy the “bad guys” until end of s4, then she went up to space w/ them) but Bellamys whole schtick is forgiveness, which he learnt from Clarke COUGH COUGH . Anyways when Clarke sees them making out for the first time she is let’s just say ~taken aback~

and the second time she sees them she looks straight up heartbroken !!!

Now that Clarke has finally realized her feelings for Bellamy he’s with another girl :///// But Clarke still holds a very dear position in Bellamy’s heart and we see that when he confronts his sister. Remember Octavia? The sister who he would do anything for??? Well now she’s kinda lost her marbles and became an evil dictator when she was leading everyone in the bunker. So now due to ~plot~ Octavia wants Clarke dead. Bellamy CANNOT have this happen. I mean he just got her back !!! And he pleads for Octavia to save her life and Octavia says this

HIS SISTER WHO KNOWS HIM BEST (well besides Clarke lmao) CALLED HIM OUT ON HIS FEELINGS. And the best part is that Bellamy doesn’t even try to deny it. Then he says “I can’t let you kill Clarke , O” AND PROCEEDS TO POISON HIS SISTER. THE ONE WHO HE HAS RISKED HIS LIFE FOR LIKE FOREVER (she doesn’t die tho) Bellamy choses Clarke over her without hesitation, and that has come a long way my friends.

Ok while, we’re riding this high it gets kinda worse. So, remember Clarke’s adoptive daughter Madi? Well now Spacekrew wants to put this thing called the flame (ok sorry I glossed over it before but it’s really important to the show, I just hate it !) which all previous leaders of the grounder people had, in Madi’s head because she’s the ~destined~ leader (it’s confusing I know just roll with it). Clarke is like fuck no because she also hates the flame (queen) and doesn’t want Madi to become a leader and carry that burden. So Bellamy locks Clarke up to get to Madi, but then Clarke grabs Madi and leaves Bellamy to die in Octavia’s apocalyptic fighting pit to fend for his life.

Not looking great right? Bear with me for a moment lol. So flash forward to the end of the season and one of the prisoner dudes accidentally sets off a bomb that’s going to destroy the one green valley that was left. Bellamy is pissed at Clarke for leaving him to die, but Clarke was only trying to save Madi but doesn’t know how to fix this. Then Madi (our mini bellarke shipper) tells Bellamy how important she is to him. Like this girl probably watched her make these calls every morning, SHE KNOWS

And just like that Bellamy cannot be mad at Clarke anymore, because he realizes the bond and isolation and dare I say LOVE she must have for him to do that. So they all make it back up to space as Earth explodes for the 2nd time (RIP). So remember that prision ship with cryogenic pods? Yea so now basically everyone who is on Earth is going to rest in these pods until Earth heals itself. Except it doesn’t (at least not in the 10 years they had hoped for). So two of Bellarke’s friends and couple named Monty and Harper stay awake and spend their remaining years finding another planet to live on. And when they find one 125 years later guess who they picked to wake up first. You guessed it, the co leaders themselves Bellarke. So they have a tender moment watching the sun rise over this new planet

Ok this is the last season before we’re caught up but my god it’s a big one for Bellarke. Ok so the season starts off on this new planet and everyone is distrustful of Clarke for what she did on Earth to protect her daughter and make ONE personal sacrifice when she sacrifices everything for everyone all the time god Anyways, on this new planet due to this like “red sun” they hallucinate on the surface and Bellamy says to Clarke “I don’t need you anymore Clarke”(remember this it’s important). After the red sun fiasco, the actual residents of the planet show up (they were descended from an earthship that came there like 250~ years ago).

(I can’t believe I almost forgot to put this but Bellamy tells Clarke about the radio calls before they hallucinate and it’s such a whole some scene and helps to bridge the gap between them once more)

So the people show Bellarke + crew their customs which includes a ceremony where they repent and let go of their past mistakes. Clarke uses this to apologize to Bellamy for her actions as she declares to him “Hey, you’re my family too. I lost sight of that. But I promise I will never forget it again” like boyo that scene brings me to tears like fuck !!! and then once again they have a classic Bellarke™ hug and god it’s a GOOD one.

So yay, they’re on good terms !! That means something bad is about to happen again per usual. So it turns out the leaders of this group of people have been alive for 100s of years using these “mind drives” to back their consciousness up and put into new bodies when their current body dies (fun!). And take a guess as to who has the special blood and can be a new host :))))))))))

Clarke gets stolen and *dies* so Josephine can take over her body. While Josie!Clarke fools everyone for like an episode, guess who is the first to think ‘hey that’s not really Clarke’ ofc our boy Bellamy. AND THEN THEY GIVE BELLAMY AN ENTIRE EPISODE TO GRIEVE CLARKE LIKE HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO LOOKS THIS SAD THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE. way to be subtle JR

But then guess what !!! Clarke isn’t dead. She’s trapped in her own mind, but very alive. And you’ll never guess how Bellamy finds out. Josie!Clarke taps her fingers on her legs and Bellamy interprets it as morse code that translate into “ALIVE”. LIKE IMAGINE TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE THAT YOUR SUPPOSED DEAD WIFE BESTIE IS STILL ALIVE CAUSE SHE SENT YOU MORSE CODE, LIKE MY BOY I KNOW YOU LOVE HER BUT THAT’S QUITE A STRETCH.

Anyways, this sends Bellamy into overdrive mode, because goddamn it he is not losing her a 3rd time. Throughout the next episodes we see Bellamy prioritize Clarke over everyone, including his girlfriend Echo when she is in danger. He risks himself and even the lives of others to try and save Clarke to get Josie out of her head. And it all culminates to this masterpiece of a Bellarke scene.

Clarke’s heart stops and she won’t get up and Bellamy arguably becomes the most desperate he has ever been. He whispers, “the head and the heart” before LITERALLY BECOMING HER HEART AND PERFORMING CPR ON HER AND BANGING ON HER CHEST TO GET HER TO WAKE UP (HOW MUCH FURTHER CAN THEY TAKE THIS METAPHOR). Even when Octavia gives up, Bellamy yells at her that she’s not dead. “I need you” the first time he has openly admitted that he PERSONALLY needs her in his life. “You’re a fighter Clarke now get up and fight”. Clarke literally (in her mindspace) finds the will to get up and fight by hearing Bellamy’s voice. And like a miracle she wakes up and AN ICONIC AND BEAUTIFUL Bellarke™ hug occurs, even though it looked like she was literally about to kiss him !!!!!! Like tell me these aren’t heart eyes ?!!??!

So then for the rest of the few episodes Bellamy is still super protective of Clarke but they have to split up again because ~plot~. BUT WE HAVE ONE MORE GREAT HURT/COMFORT BELLARKE MOMENT IN THE FINALE. Clarke’s mother had just died, and who does she seek in a crowd for comfort: Bellamy...hopefully you know this by now. God they give each other such meaningful looks in this last scene and have another once again iconic Bellarke™ hug, but it’s a hug where they run into each other like from s2 !!!!! parallels

So they end s6 closer than ever and now we’re all caught up in the present to s7 and lemme be honest besides 7x11, it’s been a HORRIBLE bellarke season, but last episode has had things shake up finally god. So basically everyone assumed Bellamy was dead (including Clarke!!!), but *surprise surprise* he’s alive, but as they soon find out he’s been brainwashed by an evil cult. NOW IT’S CLARKE’S TURN TO SAVE HIM BY BEING HIS HEAD LIKE HE WAS HER HEART LAST SEASON (or I at least hope so). As of writing this post, Bellarke isn’t canon but I’ve been watching this show for 5 years and these two have such a hold on my heart it’s embarrassing, but I hope this explained to you why I and many others will be ridiculously obsessed when it comes to them hehe. Pray for us to be canon, we only have 5 eps left for this beautiful story to come to a conclusion.

#the 100 #bellarke #bellamy blacke #clarke griffin #bellamy x clarke #answered #seriously tho thank you for indulging me #I had a lot of fun #sapphosapprentice

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manuscripts-dontburn · 5 years ago

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READATHONS:

Eyreathon (2 books)

Medievalthon (7 books)

Down Among the Sticks and Bones

Author: Seanan McGuire

First published: 2017

Pages: 187

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 1 day

Given that I was rather underwhelmed by the first book I did not expect any great shakes from its sequel. But I am pleasantly surprised and must say that this one, from the very start to the finish, was just great. I loved the character descriptions and development, and while the first book seemed unremarkable and choppy when it came to writing, here, in a more fantastical setting, the author uses a language so beautiful I could only be amazed.

Wonderstruck

Author: Brian Selznick

First published: 2011

Pages: 640

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 1 day

Wonderstruck is a wonderful middle-grade book that can be enjoyed by readers of any age. The format combining very cleverly (beautiful) illustrations with written word add a certain unique quality to a story which is in itself, frankly, perhaps a bit too straightforward and moves forward steadily and with Ben overcoming every obstacle very quickly and conveniently. At the same time if you are looking for a "quiet" book which will warm your icy heart, you cannot really go wrong with this one.

Hamnet

Author: Maggie O'Farrell

First published: 2020

Pages: 384

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 6 days

Open this book and you open a window through which you will see a moment from a distant past. A family, tightly-knit yet also broken, and how its people came together, lived together, lost something precious and grieved together, yet each on their own. This book is a painting, a portrait of a short span of time, which pulls you within it and fills in all your senses. You see, you hear, you smell, you taste, you touch. You are a part of that moment. You are overwhelmed by the beauty of nature and the depth of feelings. You cry. You hope. You heal. The words dance on the pages. This book, in all its profound sadness, is stunningly beautiful.

Cybele's Secret

Author: Juliet Marillier

First published: 2011

Pages: 424

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 5 days

It was lovely to revisit the world Juliet Marillier has created for Wildwood Dancing. The magic is still there, though it is flavoured with a different setting and vastly different kind of plot. Cybele´s Secret has a very slow first half, which I enjoyed for the most part but I can imagine many others getting restless reading it. The adventure bit was fabulously paced, even if it made me a little dizzy. The ending need not have been that long. Still, this was a very pleasant read.

Lilac Girls

Author: Marthy Hall Kelly

First published: 2016

Pages: 502

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

How long did it take: 4 days

At first, I was rather bored. The book felt exactly like many other (interestingly always American written) run-of-the-mill WW2 novels which are so popular. It felt exactly like the underwhelming Nightingale by Kristin Hannah, it was written in a language as unimpressive as the Bronze Horseman by Paulina Simmons. Then things got more interesting with the introduction of Herta and for a while, I was hoping that getting the story from the point of view of an actual Nazi in opposed to just her victims would turn the whole thing around. Unfortunately, the last part of the book made the whole story just fall apart and there was no redemption to it. The story was told but never "shown". The WHOLE plotline involving Caroline was painfully uninteresting and had she only been introduced as a side character in the final chapters, it would have completely sufficed. What could have been in-depth and heart-wrenching journey into the Ravensbrück hell and the way it functioned was never explored. There is no time given to tell us how the characters learned to live there, how they felt, what their experience was beyond the basic physical realities. Then there were little things I resented. From the use of the extremely formal and detached word "matka" for a beloved mother (Slavic languages have a whole variety of loving addresses for our Mamas) to the thickly-layered sentiment of American culture being everything Eastern Europe craved for (Why would Kassia´s favourite singer be Eddie Fisher? Why would her mother have Gone with the Wind on her night table? Yes, everything American felt exotic and as such was desired, but Polish - and other European - culture is so rich that these mentions felt forced and oh, so very unwanted). This is an example of a good intention of the author to present a case not many people are aware of (and that I definitely count as the biggest positive of the book), but unfortunately, her writing abilities failed to do the topic justice.

Anne of Green Gables: A Graphic Novel

Author: Mariah Marsden and Brenna Thummler

First published: 2017

Pages: 232

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 1 day

The graphic novel reminded me perfectly why I loved the character of Anne so much. The illustrations do full justice to the poetry of nature that L.M. Montgomery captured in the original novel as well. I am not sure how well some of the relationships would translate on the page if I have not already read the book itself though.

The Dream Thieves

Author: Maggie Stiefvater

First published: 2013

Pages: 493

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 9 days

At times I had no idea what was going on, but this was entertaining

Midnight in Chernobyl: The Untold Story of the World's Greatest Nuclear Disaster

Author: Adam Higginbotham

First published: 2019

Pages: 560

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 4 days

Excellent. Tip: Read alongside The Prayer for Chernobyl by Svetlana Alexievich to reach the most nightmarish reading experience.

Blue Lily, Lily Blue

Author: Maggie Stiefvater

First published: 2014

Pages: 391

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 4 days

This is just such a cool adventure to be on! And that cliffhanger was really unexpected!

Holy Rus': The Rebirth of Orthodoxy in the New Russia

Author: John P. Burgess

First published: 2017

Pages: 280

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 19 days

An interesting look at the current Russian Orthodox life by a Protestant American. On one hand, his Protestantism gives him an unemotional and critical advantage. On the other hand, his Protestantism prevents him to actually experience the orthodox faith and therefore we cannot take his words as anything than that - his own opinion.

Kristin Lavransdatter: The Cross

Author: Sigrid Undset

First published: 1922

Pages: 396

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 9 days

What a glorious study of human characters this book is! Also: I cried.

Galatea

Author: Madeline Miller

First published: 2013

Pages: 37

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 1 day

Nobody writes mythology that feels so realistic as Madeline Miller does. And few authors write short stories which are as powerful as a full-fledge novel.

The Raven King

Author: Maggie Stiefvater

First published: 2016

Pages: 439

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 7 days

Do you also like it when there is a big, unexpected reveal in a book? How about 30-40 of them? Yeah, this whole thing was a wild ride! Beautifully written, super imaginative and completely unpredictable.

The Palace of Illusions

Author: Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

First published: 2008

Pages: 360

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 12 days

If nothing else, I am grateful that this book has given me some knowledge and explanation to the epic Mahabharata (which I am not brave enough to read just yet). Unfortunately, this book is more of a telling than a re-telling. The happenings are described only from afar for the most part, some of the most emotional moments are only related in passing. And finally, the main character of Panchaali is without development. She is the same from the first page to the last, which is rather inconceivable given the traumatic events she has to go through. And so I am a bit torn about how to rate this book. The story is stunning, but not the product of the author. I suppose somewhere in the middle of all the possible rating scales will have to be enough.

#booklr #wrap up #May 2020

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eldritchsurveys · 5 years ago

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588.

What's your name? >> Mordred.

How old are you? >> 32.

What's your hair and eye color? >> Dark brown, both.

How tall are you? >> 5′5″.

What's your relationship status? >> Married outworld, bonded inworld.

What's your favorite song? >> I guess it’s still Death is the Road to Awe by Clint Mansell. I don’t feel the need to actually have a favourite song, but that’s a good working answer.

What does that song mean? What is the message behind it? >> It seems to be the culmination of the leitmotif on The Fountain’s soundtrack. When I listen to it, it feels like a journey through a lifetime, a gradual and sometimes uncertain and sometimes rushed and sometimes dramatic and sometimes quiet crescendo towards the one singular moment of complete and utter awe. It feels like the most exultant piece of music I’ve ever heard, to the point where it’s painful.

Is it your favorite because you relate to it, or do you just like the beat? >> I feel comfortable with naming it as a favourite because it has a profound visceral emotional effect on me that no other song can really claim.

Have any pets? If so, what are they and what's their names? >> A black cat named Spooky Mulder.

Have you ever met your idol? If so, were they nice or were they kind of an ass? >> I don’t have any idols, but all of the musicians and celebrities I’ve met have been friendly.

What's your favorite method of gaming? (PC, Xbox, Playstation, etc) >> PC.

If you're in college, what's your major and why did you pick it? >> I’m not in college.

How're you doing today? >> I’m all right.

What color are your bedroom walls? >> Beige.

Describe your favorite shirt. >> Okay, naming favourites is hard enough with media and such, but there’s no way I can name a favourite shirt. I only keep the shirts I really like as it is.

Use this space to tell someone off. >> I’d really rather not.

What's your view on smart watches? Cool or a waste of money? >> I think they’re neat. But I don’t have the kind of income where I’d feel comfortable buying one, and I don’t want one anyway. I’m happy with the electronics I have.

What is one poster that you have hanging on your bedroom wall of? >> I only have one poster on my wall (the other things are art pieces), and it’s a Cradle of Filth promo poster that I found lying around with the free flyers and zines at the record store.

How many times have you moved in your life? >> So, so many.

If you moved, do you like where you are now better than where you were? >> This most recent move (almost 4 years ago now) has done wonders for me, even though I still don’t particularly like the location itself.

What's your favorite color and why? >> Gold. It just is, man.

Do you have a calendar? If so, what's the theme? >> No.

Have any famous person's autographs? >> Not anymore.

Do you draw well? >> Not anymore.

What type of cell phone do you have? >> Motorola, bleh. I’m never leaving Samsung again.

Should you be doing anything else right now or are you just bored? >> I’m doing this because I want to do this, not because I’m procrastinating or bored.

If you're in school/college, what's your favorite subject and why? >> ---

Are you a cat or a dog person? Why? >> I’m a “I’d rather not share my living space with animals” person. Outdoor-kept animals are absolutely fine (and those tend to be dogs, which I favour).

Tell me about the plot of your favorite book. >> ---

Do you wear glasses or contacts? >> No.

What do you think about horror movies? If you love them (I do), what's your favorite? >> I do love horror movies, although I can be rather particular about them. I wouldn’t say I have a favourite, but I’ve been obsessed with the Hellraiser franchise (movies, novels, comics) for like 12 years, so there’s that.

Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? >> No. I’m going to try to see if I can get a pre-owned copy of Super Mario Odyssey at GameStop, but otherwise I have no idea what I’d get Sparrow as a full-on gift, especially since I’m low on funds right now. I just have a bunch of small things that I’m going to put in her stocking.

Do you do Black Friday shopping or wait for Cyber Monday? >> I don’t do either, really, but I prefer Cyber Monday as a concept.

Have any mental illnesses? >> Probably, but the only reason that’d matter is for the purposes of retaining my government income.

What's your favorite word and why? >> ---

What is the most expensive thing you own, and what is it? >> My gaming laptop, probably.

Did you buy that item yourself? >> I did.

Where do you work and what is your postion? >> ---

How often do you cuss? >> Quite often.

What type of car do you drive, if any? >> I don’t drive.

Are you happy with it? If no, what's your dream car? >> ---

Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Which ones? >> No, I just have facebook and tumblr. I might do some research into Mastodon soon, because I’m curious.

What is your favorite genre of music? >> ---

Does your family have holiday traditions? If so, what are they? >> ---

If you're in a relationship, are you happy with it? >> Sure.

How long have you been with your significant other? >> Eight or so years.

Do you like psychology? (It's my college major). >> I... sigh. I think it’s interesting to study, but I think the way it’s used has done a lot of harm for me personally, so I have very little confidence in it as a practice.

What is something your state is popularly known for? >> I don’t know... beer and wine? Snow? Apples? Detroit?

Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what's the coolest thing you made? >> I don’t mind doing craft projects, but I don’t do them often.

Do you watch sports or do you think they're overrated? >> I don’t think they’re overrated, I just don’t care about them.

What's one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn't deserve to? >> I don’t have an opinion about this.

Do you straigthen your hair? >> No.

Ever dyed your hair a color that isn't natural? (blue, pink, etc) >> Purple, yeah.

How's your relationship with your parents? >> Completely nonexistent.

Do you still live with them or do you have your own house? >> I obviously do not live with parents.

What's something you are currently saving money for to buy? >> Nothing.

Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? >> No.

Ever done drugs? >> Yes.

Tell me one of your worst habits. >> Meh.

What's a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? >> I don’t know, I don’t pay enough attention.

If you game, what type of headset do you use? >> I have a Razer headset.

What type of computer do you own, and do you like it? >> I have an MSI computer for gaming and a Lenovo one for everything else. I love them both, they’re good machines.

What's the thing that annoys you the most? >> Meh.

What brand of TV do you have? >> Samsung.

Are you excited for Christmas? (It's December 1st today when I made this) >> Yes!

Tell me about your favorite vacation you've taken. >> This most recent one to New Orleans, because we got to spend a whole week and we were there for Halloween. Also, there was a wedding.

Tell me something cool about yourself. >> I was born with twelve fingers. Fuck you, that’s cool.

Did/do you get good grades in school/college? >> ---

What's your ringtone on your phone? >> I have no idea, it’s always on vibrate or DND.

What's your favorite store to shop in? >> ---

If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy and why? >> Dude, I don’t even play the lottery.

How long have you had a Bzoink account? >> I don’t know, like 9 years.

Ever been to Field of Screams? If so, what's your favorite attraction? >> No.

Do you own a Polaroid camera? >> No.

Do you have hardwood floor in your room or carpet? >> Carpet.

It's a Saturday night, what are you typically doing? >> I don’t know, messing around on the internet as usual.

Do you have a lot of friends or do you not have any at all? >> I have... er... I don’t know. Two? One? Three? I don’t know what a friend is, ask me some other time.

What's your all time favorite movie and why? >> The Fountain. Similar reasons to the song question (especially considering the song comes from this movie).

How many blankets do you sleep with at night? >> I sleep with a sheet and one of the weighted blankets.

What's the last TV show you watched? Did you enjoy it? >> Grey’s Anatomy. You’re damn right I enjoyed it.

Do you prefer cable TV or do you use Netflix? >> I use streaming services.

What is your dream job and why? >> ---

Do you think you would be a good therapist? >> No.

What's your favorite brand of clothing? >> I don’t have one.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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jungle321jungle · 6 years ago

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Book Rants: The Storm Runner by J.C. Cervantes

Page 304 out of 426.

That’s the page I’m on as I’m writing this because I lowkey can’t stand it anymore.

What I can’t stand is The Storm Runner, by J.C. Cervantes.

I’m not gonna touch on all the representation and all of that or anything. Simply because well, I need to rant. So, if you’re looking for a spoiler free review I’ll make it short for ya: Zane exists. He has a dog. He meets a girl. He’s told not to do the thing. He does the thing. Evil dude is released. Goes on a mission to put evil dude back with girl and uncle. And uh I haven’t finished the book so I can’t say more than that right now. Anyway to the rant!

Warning this rant will be a certified mess. I’m just writing whatever comes to mind.

The first thing which pissed me off about this book, is Zane himself. Like this kid- God. So Zane is your main character and he has a limp, and he’s a godborn, and he kinda likes the girl. And he’s trying to undo everything he did.

That’s legit all I can say about his character rn that’s not negative.

So Zane, Zane, Zane’s inner voice. The monologue of the story. Is just so bad. Here’s so examples of actual lines from this book from the most recent section I read.

"It was party city!"

"If only they knew I was godborn, too. And not just related to any god, but Hurakan, the creator and destroyer!"

Like cringe? I don’t know what else I can say besides the word cringe.

Like I have seen reviews where people says Zane’s voice is Percy-esque. And what annoys me is that’s true. But only a small percent of the time. It flips between lines I just read, to bland, to boring and then you get a full on sarcastic thing and it just seems badly timed and out of place for Zane. There’s one I just read but I’m not gonna torture myself with trying to find it.

Another thing which annoyed me about Zane is how forgettable he is? Like he’s the main character that shouldn’t be possible. But like when reading this there was about a three month gap in between me putting the book down and picking it back up a few days ago. And while reading a few days ago I could remember what had happened in the last chapter but I couldn’t remember Zane’s name.

So I text my friends as I read to vent. And I literally sent: “wow i read like four chapters and i didn't realize until now when it was mentioned that i forgot mcs name”

I shouldn’t be able to forget his name.

So another thing which annoys me about Zane are his decisions and how it moves the plot. But before we even touch the plot let me touch on the other characters.

First off Brooks.

She’s the mysterious girl who’s there to help, the living expert on Maya everything. And a girl so full of secrets and depression she belongs back in 2003.

Oh and she can turn into a hawk... until she can’t.

Next up we got Hondo.

Hondo is my fav of the three. He’s Zane’s uncle and he’s there for the wild ride just because. Like I’m sure there’s a logical reason? I think it was just cause they needed someone with a car? I can’t remember it was three months ago. Actually it could be longer, cause before that last time I had set the book down for a long time too. Anyway he has the best personality. And I would pay to see him be the main character instead.

So while my favorite of the three is Hondo, my favorite character is actually Ah-Puch. Mr. Evil Dude himself. He’s more interesting than the other three combined, and I just read when broke into the Twins’ lair and all that jazz and I got so happy. To be honest I much rather watch him destroy the world than anything else.

Of course my happiness was immediately undermined as it always is with this book, but I’ll say more about that in a sec.

So the plot... Oh the plot.

I will say the plot on the whole is brutally fine. The gist is that Zane is the prophecy kid (cause we’re in the realm of Riordan) and he's supposed to be the one to free Ah-Puch and he does, because he wants his dog brought back to life. I’m not gonna go into people and love for dogs and all, but I just think a smidge more thought could be put into things? Like theres another point where the seer old lady Ms. Cab tells Zane to stay home ‘cause his house is the only place with special protective wards. And like I didn't expect him to stay there, since the story needs to happen, but it seemed like he didn’t even try to make an effort to stay in the house? It was just like welp, there’s danger and murderous creatures, but nah I need to go talk to my mom.

Like just think a tiny bit more, just a little. Please.

When Ah-Puch shows up at the twins (I’m gonna keep mentioning this part cuz it's what I just read) he was super badass and him and Muwan was super cool. Watching the Twins shake in their boots was a bit satisfying especially because something unexpected was happening. But during that Ah-Puch goes on and on talking about how the Twins are liars and this and that, but like Zane believes every word. He doesn’t even doubt the validity for half a second. This man- this super evil man who wants to destroy everything. Like look Zane may be thirteen but there's gullible and then there's ridiculous.

(Semi off topic: during this scene Brooks just kinda vanishes. She says they need to run then kinda just sits there next to half dead Hondo watching until it's time to remind Zane to run again via telepathy- oh yeah she has telepathy)

Now switching gears to my previous comment about undermining my happiness. It seems like everything I enjoy is immediately shot in the face not much later.

When Zane is doing a coin toss with the Twins, he picks the death side of the coin and the way its written and the fact that the chapter ends with this. It sounds so profound- so powerful.

Then on the next page we learn it’s a mind game the the coin is weighted so he picked the wrong side. Yes, I understand that the Twins always win and whatever and this shows that. But it felt like such a quick switch in tone, in Zane it completely dashed all happiness I just had on the page before. Ah-Puch showing up during deadly basketball is the same thing. I loved reading him swooping in and the glass shattering violently over the crowd, and I thought it wa so cool how he had done that. The Twins thought they were untouchable but then here comes Mr. Evil Dude to destroy it all. It was perfect.

Then you learn he just followed the tracking device he put on Zane.

I will admit I had forgotten about the tattoo deal thing- given my few month break- but had I read this book consistently it wouldn’t have been a surprise whatsoever. It’s super expected. Also I thought it would show just how powerful Ah-Puch is. Even not at full strength,and freshly back in the world he tracked them down and was ready to give them a slow painful death.

LOL NOPE HE FOLLOWED THE LEASH HE PUT ON ZANE.

I hope you can just feel how much I am groaning and sighing right now.

So after that Jazz shows up to save the gang and you’re like cool cool good timing whatever. I’m glad he agreed to come, but then he admits he put cameras in their clothes insert more sighs. So this guy was just watching them agree to play deadly basketball and meet Mr. Evil Ah-Puch and did nothing until the dangerous people were gone? They could’ve used some help sooner Jazz. A lot sooner.

Well, I think I got the rant mostly out of my system purely because I haven’t read the last 100 or so pages, but if you’re probably wondering why I read this book if I can’t get through without getting annoyed.

Honestly I think the whole reasoning is the fact that my boss gave it to me. She was the one who told me about Riordan Presents and gave me the book as a gift. So I think I just feel sort of pushed to finish it (and read the next one she gave me)? Regardless of if that's the reason or not that I keep reading, for some reason I am still pulled into this book?

I am driven insane by it- and yet I still read it, and I might even read the sequel ‘cause I am trash. But I think this factor is what annoys me the most overall.

I want to like this book and I want to hate it. But I can’t do either. It's the definition of a love hate relationship. And I don't think I’ll ever get out of it.

Idk if I’ll post something about the end of the book yet, it depends on how much I want to pull my hair out

Someone please kill me before I finish this thing

#book review #book rant #the storm runner #rick riordan #riordanverse #read riordan #pleaseicantbetheonlyonewhoisannoyedbythisbook #stopthepositivereviews #saveme #help #mystuff #thingsssssssssss

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travllingbunny · 6 years ago

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The 100 rewatch: 1x02 Earth Skills

I’m a new fan of The 100, who first binged it last year, August to November. This is my first full rewatch of the show. I was planning to start it anyway and finish it before the season 6 premiere on April 30, and when I saw that Fox Serbia was airing a rerun (Monday to Friday, 40 min. after midnight, with repeats the next day), starting on 1st February, it was a great opportunity to start my rewatch in HDTV on my beautiful new TV. I decided to do write-ups and tag other fans on SpoilerTV website, as I did when I was first watching the show. But my posts turned into full blown essays. So, finally, after over a week, I’ve realized: Why don’t I post them on my Tumblr blog, too? I’ll copy my write-ups of the first 7 episodes, and then I’ll post my rewatch posts after I watch each episode. (The next one, 1x08, is on Monday’Tuesday.)

Spoilers below for all 5 seasons of the show. I go of on a tangents and make a lot of references to future events.

...........................

The first 2 episodes of season 1 are its weakest, just as I remember them. But initially I thought episode 1x02 was worse - I had mixed feelings about the Pilot, but then really disliked the second episode. This time, however, the Pilot was much worse than I remembered it, while this episode was... well, pretty much the same, but I enjoyed it more this time. Because, when I first watched the Pilot, I focused on all the new info on the show's premise, the setting, the universe, the SciFi stuff, and pretty much ignored all the cringey early teen soapy stuff (which I didn't even remember). But then the second episode came, and all the cringey teen soapy stuff in that episode just came right at me and annoyed the heck out of it. So this time, I already remembered it, so I could focus on other things.

BTW, I need to have good laugh at the often stated claim that The 100 doesn't focus on romance or do much romance or set up ships. The show does romance all the time. There are ships all over the place, but most of them pretty much suck, especially since most of them are poorly written insta-romances. And these early episodes are full of various romances and potential romances, and love triangles (which some people say the show has stopped doing... except it never did - *cough season 5 *cough* - but at least it scaled back on it a bit).

Now don't misunderstand me - I don't mind that there's a lot of that, what I did mind is how badly all of that was written in these early episodes. Later, the show did lose most of its early CW-ness and start doing romantic plots better, in some cases at least. (But it also started doing them even worse, in some other cases.)

Rating: 4.5/10

First introduction of Raven, and she immediately shows that she's smart, capable and awesome. At this point, she seems almost perfect, but we know she was just initially meant to be a temporary supporting character and romantic obstacle for Finn/Clarke. We find out that she's the youngest zero G engineer in 52 years. She's also the first person to figure out that the Delinquents aren't dying, but simply taking their trackers off. How come this never crossed the minds of any of the Ark leaders? They came off a bit dumb here.

First meaningful interactions between Abby and Raven - the start of their friendship/pseudo-mother daughter relationship. Abby enlists Raven to fix an old escape pod so she(Abby) could get to the ground. Raven insists she will go, too, since she also has a loved one there. Multiple mentions of her boyfriend, and I can now see the big hints with the origami that Finn is that boyfriend. I missed that the first time, which is lucky, or I would have hated this episode even more, for trying to set up more than one annoying insta-love-triangle involving Finn and Clarke. I think this is the first time we get a mention of a year? But not the year when the show takes place. The escape pod is a 130 year old piece of junk that was found when they rescued MIR-3 in 2102. At least that gives us an idea of what century it is. ( The 100 wiki has a timeline and says the year is 2149, IIRC, but I don't know where that info is from.) I remember that Clarke, Abby and Raven were my favorite characters by far, followed by Monty, and pretty much the only characters I really liked (I was intrigued by Bellamy, and to a lesser extent Octavia, but I didn't exactly like them), since they were the only characters doing smart and good and pragmatic stuff and trying to save people. Then later, during season 1, Raven fell down a few places in my rankings, because I was so frustrated with her moping over Finn. Well, Wells was OK, but I didn't like some things they were doing with him here. One of the things I remembered best from this episode is that it clumsily tried to set up a Wells/Clarke/Finn love triangle, and that it made me roll my eyes so much. And for whatever reason, Bellamy was the one to talk about it to Wells and go on about how Clarke supposedly doesn't see Wells next to Finn, blah blah. Octavia isn't the only Blake with cringey dialogue anymore. Sorry, I'm gonna go on a mini-rant. Why was it necessary for the show to imply that Wells was in love with Clarke? You know how some people claim that the show is so into platonic male/female friendships (which somehow always is all about Clarke and Bellamy, because other male and female characters on the show aren't ever friends or something)? Yeah, right. Clarke and Wells were BFFs from childhood, grew up together - if you're looking for a "sibling-like" relationship between people on the show who are not related, that's the closest thing to it, but apparently, Wells couldn't have done all those sacrifices for Clarke if he wasn't in love with her. Right? But Clarke only sees him as a BFF, and he is so important to her... that the show had her mourn him for about 10 minutes in episode 4 after he was killed, and then never mention him again. If they ever actually wanted a great completely platonic, sibling-like close relationship between a man and a woman, that was a great opportunity. But they obviously didn't care. And speaking of people who grew up together and refer to each other as family, so they would therefore fit the idea of sibling-like relatively well (unlike Clarke and Bellamy, who didn't even know each other or interact with each other till they were 23 and almost 18, respectively)... well, there's also Finn and Raven. Who are also boyfriend and girlfriend. Kinda weird. I wonder when the writers decided to kill of Wells. I think it definitely was only after this episode, because this episode spends a lot of time building up Wells as a heroic character and setting up that love triangle that never goes anywhere, because Wells dies in 1x03. I think that, if the writers were at all planning an "endgame" (though I hate that word) love interest for Clarke, it was probably Wells at this point, because I don't think they were considering Bellamy that way at this point, and Finn, while clearly meant as the initial love interest, has False Romantic Lead written all over him. I sometimes wonder what the show would look like if they hadn't killed off Wells. I think Finn's "peacemaker" role in season 1b was probably planned for Wells. But I'm really relieved that we didn't get a love triangle that's all "Unlucky Childhood Friend/nice guy in unrequited love with a girl who is into another guy who is charming but kind of a jerk/cheater, until she finally realizes he's the one for her", because I hate that trope so much. Sorry, Finn lovers, if any of you are reading this - but Finn comes off even worse on rewatch than he did when I watched it the first time. He was always a guy who's just there and whose only interest seemed to be following Clarke around and flirting with her, but his time I'm noticing things like, even when he does good things, he only does them after he's realized Clarke would like him to do it, and tries to make himself look good and be the guy that she needs in her life. When I first watched this, I just had profound indifference towards him, which grew into active annoyance in this episode. And I didn't even realize at the time that he had a girlfriend on the Ark. Or that, after Clarke shamed him for not wanting to come and help rescue Jasper, he only changed his mind and came after Clarke had made Bellamy join the rescue party. My annoyance was initially mostly because of the scene where they are on the way to finding Jasper and saving him, and Finn decides to instead convince Clarke that she's wound up too tight and should just relax and they should splash each other with water. Which would be OK, if Jasper wasn't potentially dying. Priorities? And there was also his pop psychology where he tells Clarke that she is so desperate to save Jasper because she couldn't save her father, and we're obviously supposed to see it as super--meaningful. Is it just me that thinks that wanting to save people in general, and especially those you know, is a normal human reaction? Which is why Clarke was the character I immediately liked and related to. And also why this scene annoyed me so much. My feelings on it are exactly the same now, except maybe now I'm not sure that the show ever even meant for the Finn/Clarke pairing to be seen as an especially good one. Meanwhile, it seems that the show staff had realized between the Pilot and the second episode that Bob was super hot, so now Bellamy gets to be shirtless and with ruffled hair that looks much better on him, and is just friendly parting from some random Delinquent girl he's had sex with and who never appears again. I guess the casual sex (and later threesomes) were supposed to be a part of his 'bad boy' persona, since it pretty much stopped once the show started making him into a more heroic figure. Even though there's actually nothing wrong about single people having casual sex for pleasure, so it's not like that marks him as 'bad'. (The show, however, seemed less judgy about casual sex in later seasons, so I don't know.) However, he does a lot of other thing in this episode that are actually bad, like making the kids take off their wristbands so they'll have food, or acting dictator-like ("I will not be disobeyed") and over-protective of Octavia, including punishing Atom for making out with her. I didn't hate Bellamy early on as many did, but he frustrated me a lot, and was definitely at his most annoying in 1x02. However, I always had a lot of leeway for both him and Octavia, no matter how annoying they acted at this point, because of their backstory. And now I can even understand his over-protectiveness a bit better, knowing hat happened the last time he tried to let Octavia enjoy life. Much of the episode was about Octavia trying to find a guy to make out with, and specifically trying to make Atom (the guy Bellamy charged with protecting her). make out with her. She's being a huge brat at this point, but it's understandable - she was isolated, under the floor and locked up, all her life, and now she wants to be free and enjoy it. One interesting moment is when she told Atom: "Wall won't stop what's out there, we need weapons" - which is the first time she sounded like later Octavia. But her later love of fighting also makes sense for her character - fighting, especially with bare hands or cold weapons, is an energetic activity that produces an adrenaline rush, kind of like sex/making out. The scene where she chases butterflies in the woods and then makes out with Atom was one of the most visually beautiful. It looked very romantic, in the sense of enjoying life and nature. Not in the sense of actual romance, unless by 'romance' one means 'making out with a random person you met a day ago and barely know.' But to be fair, even Octavia's upcoming big OTP romance with Lincoln began with little more than physical attraction, and she knew him even less than Atom by the time they hooked up. The best interactions Ocfavia had in the episode were with Monty - the start of one of the better, underrated m/f genuinely platonic friendships on the show. This exchange was quite interesting: Monty: "Living under the floor all your life, it's amazing that you're not a complete basket case". Octavia: "Who says I'm not?" Monty was really cool in this episode - while Octavia was having some drama with Atom and some other guy, he was like "quiet, guys, I'm working" and was just calmly working on trying to make radio communications with the Ark possible. A bit more backstory on him and Jasper: they obviously have known each other for a long time, and Monty compares his relationship with Jasper to the Blakes, saying that Jasper may not actually be his brother but they are just as close. However, the Blakes aren't really like a regular sibling relationship, it's one of those sibling relationships (like Katniss/Prim in The Hunger Games) where the elder sibling had to grow up early and take care of the younger, so it's more like a parent/child relationship. Which is really one of the main problems of their relationship - Bellamy sees Octavia almost as his child and is extremely protective and sacrificial (the way we otherwise see parents act towards their children in The 100), and Octavia is constantly rebelling against him as kids rebel against authority. First significant interaction between Monty and Clarke, too. When Wells and Monty volunteer to save Jasper, Clarke tells Monty to stay behind because he's too important for the group's survival - he was raised on a Farm station, trained as an engineer. "food and communications. What's up here (*touches his head*) is going to save us all". (And how right she was!) That's some good, smart, pragmatic thinking - and she also managed to convince him without having to say that he also wouldn't be the most useful in a fight. I notice so many gender stereotypes in how the characters are written in these early episodes, more than the show usually has afterwards. Jasper and Monty were constantly talking about impressing girls in the Pilot, Jasper thought Finn had "game", and in this episode, we constantly have women shaming men into doing things by implying they would look weak or cowardly otherwise. Octavia tries to make Atom let her make out with guys/make out with her by saying he would be her brother's "bitch" otherwise (when did she learn to talk like that? I guess, during those two-three days on Earth?). Clarke tells Finn how disappointed she is that he refuses to join the rescue party, calling him a coward. (Though Monty shames Finn, too, saying "Jasper looked up to you". Which doesn't mean much, since the reason Jasper looked up to him is because he thought Finn was good at impressing girls.) And then Clarke makes Bellamy join the rescue party by implying he will look scared in front of the others/less brave than she is, otherwise (though that was more about Bellamy having to maintain authority in the group - which he needs for his own reasons), Then Bellamy enlists his sidekick Murphy to come, too. Murphy: "What are we doing? I didn't think we were in the rescuing business." Oh, you have no idea. The interactions between Bellamy and Clarke in this episode were quite interesting. I didn't ship them at this point, but I know now that some people already did, and I can see why. The scenes where they are into each other's faces and being antagonistic... well, this is the scene where Clarke says she will never take off the wristband, and Bellamy calls her "Brave princess" sarcastically (?):

What are you doing here, Bellamy? If he means to try to be snarky or antagonistic, he's not doing a good job, because "Brave princess" is not an insult, it sounds like he's impressed by her. (Which he probably is, though I'm not sure he's aware of it yet.) I'm sure he thinks she should hate her, because she is making things difficult for him and she's one of the privileged high class people from the Ark. That's what Bellamy means, at least at first, when he calls her "princess" - he's not using that nickname to flirt with her, like Finn. At least, I'm sure he does't mean to flirt. But... he kind of looks like he's flirting. I think, at this point, he's really, really confused.

And that's exactly the moment when Finn comes along, finally having decided to join the party, and says "Come up with your own nickname". Finn seems very possessive over... that nickname.

Later when they find Jasper, he gets all take-chargey and tells Wells to keep an eye on Bellamy, and Murphy to come help him take Jasper down from the tree. I can't help but think of another, far less successful and very unfortunate rescue mission, in season 2, where Murphy will also end up as Finn's reluctant sidekick.

I love the way that Bellamy acts like he's so ruthless (which he probably believes himself to be, much more than he actually is), when he tells Murphy he will take Clarke's wristband off even if he has to cut off her arm to do it...but then later, when she almost falls into the pit full of spikes, he instinctively grabs her arm and saves her life - and then has the look on his face "What did I just do? What am I doing? Why I am doing this?" He really is confused.

Early season 1 Bellamy is such a hot mess. Kind of like Clarke will end up being a hot mess in season 5, and similarly impulsive, emotionally damaged and preoccupied with just protecting their "child" while ignoring the big picture, while season 1 Clarke/season 5 Bellamy are acting pragmatically while trying to save everybody. They've really switched roles. And I expect season 6 Bellamy to help Clarke to get back to who she used to be, just as Clarke helped him find himself in season 1.

I love the song "Can't Pretend" by Tom Odell, which closes this episode. (I'll be seeing him in concert in a week.) But I didn't initially even notice it in the episode - I only paid attention to it when I saw some The 100 fanvideos with it. It's too emotional and the lyrics don't really fit either of the rather shallow romances (Finn/Clarke and Octavia/Atom) whose scenes it covers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUmtXzuSGu8

#The 100 #the 100 rewatch #the 100 1x02 #earth skills #clarke griffin #bellamy blake #octavia blake #monty green #raven reyes #abby griffin #wells jaha

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huangjuuns-blog · 7 years ago

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unrequited - high school!au - reader, renjun & jaemin

note; Okay so originally this was supposed to be longer and have more of a plot but as I was writing this I was worried it was becoming a little boring and I personally find it difficult to write long pieces for highschool aus!! if you want, I may do a part two?? I didn’t want to initially and instead wanted a longer one shot but oh well! I just wanted to have something posted for you all!! I hope you enjoy and REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

- Where you are best friends with Renjun but have had a long time crush on Jaemin. With your final year of high school approaching quickly, new feelings emerge and some uncertainties arise. (not a great summary I tried) -

warnings; none! ❀

word count; 4.7k

✮ masterlist ✮

| YOUR POV |

You definitely were not the romantic type. You didn’t believe in love at first sight and you definitely didn’t believe in falling in love in highschool. How could anyone meet their soulmate in highschool? There was nothing pleasant or romantic about it. You also didn't expect to end up having a profound infatuation for the carefree, smiley boy whom everyone adored. You would pretend to pay no attention whatsoever to him and for no valid reason, he annoyed you. Maybe it was because you had just the tiniest crush on him and didn't want to admit it to yourself so you felt the need to conjure up some reason to dislike him so that your tiny crush wouldn’t spiral into anything more than that - a simple, harmless crush.

You had entered your last term of high school and although college entrance exams were over and you had received your university offers, it had never been a busier time at school. You were the well liked, diligent student who was involved in literally everything. You were head of the debate team, played soccer, helped direct school plays and class president - a title you had held for three consecutive years. On the outside, you would appear to be a super serious, studious girl who spends most of her waking hours in the school library (yes, you did spend a lot of time in the library but that didn't matter), but you were a normal teenager who enjoyed wasting away weekends doing absolutely nothing with your friends.

“Have you heard anything yet?” you asked your best friend, Renjun, in relation to college offers.

A sigh escaped his pursed lips as he balanced his lunch tray on one arm while simultaneously pulling the chair out. You still had no idea why he did this. Why didn't he just place the tray down on the table first and then pull out the chair? You would never know why.

“Nope,” he smiled meekly. You reached over and friendly pushed his shoulder.

“You will! It’s completely normal to be waiting, besides your application was flawless,” you said, trying to create a positive atmosphere.

“I overheard Jeno got his acceptance letter this morning…” Renjun sighed, casting a sorrowful look down at the cafeteria’s table.

“So? Everyone gets theirs at different times,” you said.

“We applied to the same school…” Renjun trailed. He stabbed a piece of broccoli with a chopstick and sighed, looking sorry for himself.

“Hey, still be optimistic, okay? That doesn't mean you haven't gotten in!” you cheerfully reasoned.

You passed your carton of chocolate milk over to your best friend as a kind gesture. Renjun smiled up at you, but his eyes looked sad and empty.

“Hey, do you want me to skip practice and we can go and get ice cream?” you offered.

“No, no. That's okay, don't skip. But I might come to practice with you if you don't mind. I could do with the fresh air and I don't really want to go to art class. Our teacher has been constantly asking for updates on my application,” Renjun mumbled.

“Of course you can! Come and cheer me on!” you laughed.

Although the sports season was over and there were no games left, you still enjoyed spending your afternoons out on the field with your team mates. Even if it meant you had to share the pitch with the boys team. And maybe, just maybe, it made your day just a tiny bit better seeing the captain of the boys soccer team. Although you'd never tell anyone, you couldn't help denying that you had a crush on quite possibly the most popular boy in school - Na Jaemin.

As you made your way out onto the school’s soccer pitch after a rather long day of classes, you glanced up to the stands to see your best friend sat up in the very back row. Renjun wore an oversized sweater that made him appear more thin, his earphones in his ears and a sketchpad perched on his lap. You tried to get his attention by waving frenetically. He didn't look up. You felt sorry for him and not in a patronising way. It upset you that you couldn't chatter excitedly about your college plans like most teenagers did when he had yet to hear if he had gotten accepted. It also hurt you that you couldn't sympathise with him or give him any helpful advice since you didn't know what the right thing to say or do was. You were just trying your best to be as positive as you could - for him.

“Well done today!” a cheerful, yet deep voice exclaimed, tapping your arm slightly. You would recognise that melodic voice in a heartbeat. You spun around immediately to face Jaemin.

“Thanks,” you mumbled.

You glanced nervously down at the pitch, as if the grass and dirt were the most fascinating things ever. How could he look so effortlessly perfect after exercising and running around a soccer pitch for an hour when you were flushed and perspiring with a myriad of lose hairs falling out of your messy ponytail? It just wasn’t fair.

“Some of the guys team are heading out for ice cream and I was wondering if any of you would like to come?” Jaemin smiled.

“Oh, em… I’m really sorry, I actually have plans, thanks though,” you lied, clutching your right arm with your left hand nervously.

“Oh that’s okay! Next time, yeah?” Jaemin smiled. You didn't utter another word but nodded your head as if to say yes.

This wasn't the first time you had turned down invites to after school ice creams and bubble teas. You kept using the same excuse but you just felt far too nervous to be around Jaemin and you just couldn't bring yourself to go. I mean, he was only being friendly as captain of the boys team.

You met Renjun walking down the steps of the football stands on your way to the changing rooms. He pulled his earphones from his ears and smiled at you.

“You did great today Y/N!” he exclaimed, slinging his lanky arm around your petite shoulders. You smiled meekly up at your tall friend.

“I don’t feel like going to the library today,” you began. Renjun gasped, a mocking look of horror etched onto his face as he placed a hand on his chest.

“Are you feeling okay?” he joked, placing a hand on your forehead.

“Shut up,” you laughed, swotting his hand out of your face.

“So what do you wanna do instead?” Renjun asked. You thought for a moment before smirking at your friend.

“Bubble tea?” he laughed, raising an eyebrow quizzically.

You nodded your head profusely while Renjun chuckled softly at your behaviour.

After changing back into your school uniform you skipped out to the front of the school building to meet Renjun. He sat by the water fountain, scrolling aimlessly on his phone. He looked up to see you and smiled.

“I forgot my purse,” you bluntly said, waiting for your friend to complain about how you always did that and that he would soon be broke by funding your bubble tea addiction.

“It’s okay. It’s my treat,” he chirped. Instantly, you knew something was up with him. How come he went from being really down to being his cheerful self within the span of like, twenty minutes?

You spun around to face him.

“Huang Renjun tell me now, what is going on?!” you exclaimed, walking closer to him.

He smirked, raising his phone. You let a frustrated sigh escape from your lips.

“So?!”

“I may have just gotten an email. For an interview…” he began.

You squealed out in joy, jumping up and throwing your arms around his shoulders. There was no need for him to say anymore.

“Hey, hey. Don't get too happy now okay? I still haven't actually gotten in you know,” he reasoned.

“Yeah but, an interview? That’s pretty positive for an art school. Told you your application was amazing!” you gushed.

Although it was Renjun’s future, you couldn't help but feel just as delighted as you had when you received your college acceptance letter.

“I suppose you’re right,” he smiled, looking down at the pavement happily.

“But I don’t want to get too excited. I have yet to hear from the schools,” he added.

You playfully linked your arm between his and looked up at him, a large grin plastered on your face.

Renjun went up to the counter in the all too familiar bubble tea shop which was located near both your houses, to order for both of you. He recited the same order as it had become a custom; the owner of the tiny shop knowing the order anyway but still taking it every time. Jasmine milk tea for Renjun and Lychee Green Tea for yourself.

You slid into the comfortable booth next to the window at the back of the shop where you both usually sat if no one else had taken it.

“Here you go!” Renjun exclaimed, carefully placing your drink in front of you. You thanked him before taking a sip. Before you could start a conversation with your best friend, you looked up to see someone you weren't expecting - Jaemin. Well, Jaemin and a few members of the soccer team. You slid down your seat, hoping he wouldn't see you. Why would he even be here? As far as you were aware, he lived a good few neighbourhoods over. There were plenty of other bubble tea shops closer so why would he be here? Not that you really minded all that much …

“What is it?” Renjun chuckled. He followed your eyes, turning his head to see Jaemin with his friends.

“Oh right,” Renjun said with a nod of his head.

You continued to sink further into your seat, hoping Jaemin would order and leave as soon as possible, with you going unnoticed. Unfortunately, you stared a little too long as Jaemin locked eyes with you for a split second before you immediately looked away. Renjun tried making conversation with you so that it wouldn’t appear unusual - you practically hidden underneath the table.

“Hey,” Jaemin’s smooth voice said as he approached your table.

“Oh um hi,” you awkwardly stuttered. Why did you do this to yourself? You always felt as if you were embarrassing yourself in front of him. Jaemin acknowledged Renjun with a “hey” as well.

“You come here often? I never pass by here usually but I’d heard great things about this place,” Jaemin asked, making conversation.

“Y-yeah sometimes,” you stuttered. You felt Renjun’s foot gently kick yours. You shot a look of annoyance in his direction.

“Would you like to come here sometime, like after school or something?” Jaemin boldly asked, a bright smile on his face, radiating confidence. Renjun shot a confused look in both yours and Jaemin’s direction.

“Oh um yeah, sure sometime…” you stuttered.

Renjun kicked your foot again. You discreetly kicked him back. Jaemin smiled one more time before turning around to walk away and collect his order.

“What was that for?!” you hissed at Renjun, leaning closer to him.

“You! You’re stuttering! You got all flustered! I was trying to be a good friend you know, like stop you from embarrassing yourself further,” he replied, stirring his boba with the straw. Renjun looked unusually distant.

“Well okay then. Thanks?” you mumbled, your eyes falling to the table. Renjun’s bad humour was starting to upset you a little bit but you brushed it off, putting it down to college application stress.

“I’m going to head home, I have committee stuff to do,” you stated, hopping up out of the booth.

“I’ll walk you home,” Renjun said, standing up.

“No, no you're all right Jun, I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?” you softly said. He smiled sheepishly, nodding his head and waving you goodbye.

Prom was only a mere three weeks away and the committee (including yourself) were quite stressed. One good thing that had happened in these last few weeks was that your life long crush began messaging you. Yourself and Jaemin texted most nights, even FaceTiming each other every now and then. You couldn't be any happier. You both had a lot in common and to you, everything about him was just so perfect.

After you came home from school one Friday, you got a call from Renjun. You had really only been talking to him at school these days and not as much outside school. You felt bad for your best friend and knew he was just very stressed out. You were in the middle of making some ramen for dinner since your parents were out when he called.

“Y/N… Can we please talk? Like right now, if you're free of course, I mean…” Renjun rambled.

You couldn't decipher what was wrong with him, but you were concerned.

“Of course Renjun. I’ll meet you out by our hill in ten,” you replied before hanging up.

You pulled a hoodie on over your head and slipped your feet into a pair of boots. You really didn't care how you looked. After locking the door behind you, you made your way through the city's night. It was only slightly drizzling, but quite cool. Ever since you and Renjun became friends when he moved to Seoul ten years ago, you had your spot in the park. The park marked the half way point between both of your houses, automatically becoming your spot. You could make out Renjun’s silhouette on the hill in the park. The park was technically closed since it was ten o’clock, but there was no high security so it was easy to sneak into. After seeing Renjun waiting there, you broke out into a run.

| RENJUN’S POV |

I hopped from foot to foot and blew some warm air onto the palms of my hands in an attempt to keep warm. It was usually cool for a May night but I was also only wearing a loose hoodie so I only had myself to blame for being cold. My heart was beating so quickly and loudly I was convinced I could hear it and so would Y/N once she arrived. At least my hands had stopped trembling. I just couldn’t believe it. Suddenly I saw a petite silhouette approaching in the distance. I waved my hand high in the night’s sky to attract Y/N’s attention. Once she saw me, she quickly ran up the hill. Her expression was mixed, one of confusion, worry and strangely, happiness. Her cheeks were a cute shade of pink and lose hairs had fallen out from her pony tail. She looked slightly out of breath too.

“Are you okay?” I chuckled, softly placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Yes yes! Now Jun! Tell me what’s up?!” She exclaimed.

“I really don’t know how to um, say this? But I got accepted...” I began. Y/N’s face lit up.

“Oh my god Jun that’s amazing! But why don’t you seem ecstatic?” She questioned.

“Well, you know the way I applied to college here in Seoul and also China?” I explained.

“Mhm, I know,” Y/N nodded her head.

“I thought I wouldn’t get into art school in China as the uni I applied to is very prestigious, well so is Seoul, but... I got accepted to both,” I elucidated. I bit down on my lip, waiting for Y/N to reply.

“What?! That’s just, amazing Renjun! Really, I’m so proud of you and so happy for you!” Y/N gushed, running towards me and pulling me into a tight embrace.

Then it happened again, my heart beat sped up and my breathing stopped for a second. Y/N hugged me all the time but things just felt different now. I really like her but she doesn’t like me and it’s not fair to confess now that we’re finishing high school. Y/N slowly began to pull away. Since she was slightly shorter, I looked down into her eyes and smiled down at her. Before I could prevent myself, I bent down and closed my eyes. Y/N didn’t move and my lips were so close to hers that they brushed.

“Renjun, what’re you doing?” Y/N spoke, her voice slow and low. I opened my eyes and instantly pulled away. I bit my lip and shook my head.

“Nothing. Nothing, sorry.... I-“ I stuttered, shaking my head.

“It’s okay. Come on let’s get some boba and talk about your amazing news,” Y/N brightly announced, grabbing my left hand.

“It’s like half ten,” I bluntly said.

“So?! Let’s go,” she smiled, pullling my arm.

Did she think I was about to kiss her just because of my news and that it was just an accident. Does she know how I feel? Or is she embarrassed and want to forget about it? She didn’t kiss me back so why should I confess? It’s not fair on her either. She likes Jaemin and always has, besides, they’ve been getting closer lately. It wasn’t fair to tell her I’ve liked her for years or she’ll think our friendship wasn’t real or something.

| YOUR POV |

Your mind was spinning. All you could think about was Renjun and how you almost kissed. For some reason, you decided to brush it off. Did you like him? Have you ever had feelings for him? Not really and it wouldn’t have been fair to lead him on and kiss him back.

“I’m buying!” You stated upon entering your local boba cafe.

“No, let me please,” Renjun tried to argue.

“What?! No! We’re here to celebrate your news!” You reasoned, walking over to the counter and ordering your usual drinks.

The cafe was silent with no other customers and the cashier looked immensely tired.

After paying, you carried both drinks over to the booth at the back of the store that yourself and Renjun always sat at if it was free.

After a few moments of unusual silence and sips from your bobas, you decided to ask the question that was on both of your minds.

“So, what’re you thinking? Here or China?” You asked, stirring your boba.

Renjun pursed his lips together and shook his head.

“Y/N, I really don’t know. I want to stay here of course and I would miss you way too much-“ he began, but you had to stop him there.

“Jun, yes of course I will miss you like crazy but you can’t let other people, myself included, be the reason for you not taking that option. You’ve gotta do what’s best for you and I know it must be so difficult to pick, but you have got to do what feels right,” you explained, leaning on your elbows so you’d be closer to him.

“I know, I know. I just, I never thought I’d get accepted to China,” he said, resting his chin on the palm of his right hand.

“You did because you have worked so hard and you’re an insanely talented artist! That’s why,” you stated matter-of-factly.

“Thanks. If, hypothetically, I choose to go back to China for school, we’ll try and visit each other yeah?” Renjun asked, his tone soft.

“Are you really asking me that?! Of course! I’d love to visit China anyways! Oh and we’ll FaceTime every day if not every two days! You’re not getting rid of me!” You laughed, picking up his hands.

Renjun smiled, suddenly feeling much better and less stressed. Once you both had finished, Renjun walked you home. Moments like this that were so normal in your ten years of friendship were suddenly precious to you. You needed to appreciate the weeks you had left with Renjun because you knew what decision he was going to make.

There was only one week left of school and prom was a mere five days away. You felt sick at the thought of it. Since you were too busy with organising the event, you hadn’t got a date so yourself and Renjun were going as friends.

After school on Monday, you went down to the gym hall to help with set up. As you were walking down the empty corridors of the school, two heavy cardboard boxes in your arms, you felt a tap on your shoulder which startled you slightly.

“Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Jaemin’s soft voice apologised.

“You’re okay!” You laughed.

Before he said anything else he had taken the boxes from your arms, ignoring you telling him to leave them and that you were okay.

“Is it okay to help or do you have to be on the committee?” Jaemin asked whilst both of you walked side by side to the gymnasium.

“At this stage, no one cares since we really do need all the help we can get,” you explained.

“Perfect!” He chirped with a bright smile.

You thanked him before pushing the double doors of the sports hall open to make way for him and the boxes. Upbeat pop songs were playing loudly from speakers and about ten students meandered their way through the large hall, frantically shouting orders at each other. You sighed. One more late night of dance duties.

Jaemin dropped the boxes on the shiny floor with a thud. When the song that was playing came to an end and the next one started he suddenly began to dance. You couldn’t believe this boy. He had no shame whatsoever, spinning around and freestyling, yelling every now and then. You hid your face in embarrassment. He picked up your small hands, twirling you around. Since he was stronger than you, you were unable to pull away.

“C’mon you’ve been too stressed lately! School dances are supposed to be fun!” He shouted, twirling you around some more.

“Jaemin stop,” you laughed, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Fine,” he pouted.

“Um, Y/N? I know it’s really late and last minute and not as cute as I’d like it to be but I couldn’t think of the right moment-“ Jaemin rambled, speaking far too quickly for you to keep up with.

“Whoa whoa Jaemin, slow down I can’t make out what you’re saying,” you giggled.

“Will you, no sorry, would you like to, go to prom with me?” He finally blurted with a sheepish smile.

You couldn’t believe it. It was surreal. Jaemin has been your life long crush. Why did this feel like a dream?

“I’d love to, like you have no idea how much I’d love to, but I already told Renjun I’d go with him,” your explained. You’d never bail on your best friend for a guy.

Jaemin smirked before saying,” You see I knew you’d go with Renjun since you’re both practically joint to the hip. For months I presumed you two were actually dating. I asked Renjun this morning for his permission and he said that I should ask you.”

This was all incredulous. Your phone suddenly pinged, indicating you had a new message. You pulled your phone out of your backpack to see one new message from Renjun:

to; y/n from; junnie 17.20pm

so has he asked you yet????!!! ;)

to; junnie from; y/n 17.21pm

yes!!!! wait, are you really ok with it??

to; y/n from; junnie 17.21pm

of course y/n!!! now go back to jaemin! talk later!

You slid your phone back into your backpack before turning your attention back to Jaemin. Jaemin never looked so awkward before but you found it kind of adorable.

“Yes Jaemin, I’ll go to the dance with you,” you beamed.

“Really?!” He smiled, eyes lighting up.

He pulled you in for a quick hug. Both you and Jaemin spent the rest of the evening setting up the hall for the dance.

“Do you wanna grab some food? Or have you got other plans?” Jaemin teased, reminding you of the numerous times you rejected his invites to food and movies with the soccer teams.

“No, I think I’m free,” you replied, walking towards the doors of the hall. Since it was late, everyone else had already left.

“The school is kind of scary when there’s no one else here,” Jaemin admitted, eyes widening as he took in the eerie corridors in the pitch black. You just shrugged your shoulders since you were used to it.

You both agreed on pizza for dinner. Jaemin claimed he knew where the best pizza in Seoul was. You didn’t argue and followed him to the subway station closest your school. The subway ride was ten minutes long but you both spent it chatting away to each other.

“How come we never really spoke until recently?” Jaemin randomly asked once you arrived at your stop. You both walked out onto the platform, the warm underground air making you cough.

“I don’t know, well to be honest I thought you were kind of annoying, not in a bad way though,” you admitted. Jaemin stood still, feigning a hurt expression.

“You thought I was annoying? Why? What’d I do?” he asked.

“Well, nothing really. I suppose I was envious of how carefree and naturally happy you always appeared and because of that everyone always adored you. And because I always found you kind of cute too ...” You blurted. Jaemin grinned.

“So you think I’m cute huh?” He smiled.

“That’s all you took from that?” You laughed, surprised at Jaemin.

“Well that’s okay then,” he said, turning around towards the steps that led you both out onto one of the many busy streets of Seoul.

“Huh?” You questioned, confused.

Jaemin picked up your left hand as you both walked up the stairs of the subway station.

“I think you’re cute too,” He smiled, intertwining your fingers. Your eyes fell to your laced fingers and a small blush crept its way onto your cheeks.

This evening couldn’t get any more perfect in your mind. The night’s air was cool yet comfortable. Even though it was a Monday night there was still plenty of people flitting throughout the city’s busy streets. Most importantly, Na Jaemin was by your side telling some story in his soft and low voice that you adored so much.

The pizza must be good since the restaurant was packed with people. Fortunately, you both managed to grab a table. Since there was far too much choice, you decided to let Jaemin choose what you’d get since he went there a lot. As you both sat in the restaurant’s booth chatting happily to each other, your phone began buzzing.

“I’m really sorry, you don’t mind if I check? It could be my parents,” You began. Jaemin shook his head.

“No no it’s fine, go ahead!”

You scrunched your eyebrows together in confusion upon seeing multiple messages from Renjun. He was asking if he could meet you or call you and that he had some news. You quickly typed a message back to him explaining where you were and that you wouldn’t be back until later.

to; y/n from; junnie 19.03pm

that’s okay! sorry for interrupting you y/n. just give me a call when you get home if you’re not too tired. i have news, it’s just college stuff don’t worry!

to; junnie from; y/n 19.04pm

sorry jun :( yes i’ll call you tonight or come over if you need to talk

“Is everything okay?” Jaemin questioned, a slight look of worry etched onto his face.

“Of course!” You smiled.

You felt a little bit guilty for not being there for Renjun in that moment. He was always there for you. However, he reassured you that everything was okay. You tried telling your brain that Renjun was fine and that you’d talk later, but that you were with Jaemin now and needed to focus on that. Everything would be okay.

#nctwriters #nct fanfic #nct scenarios #nct jaemin #nct renjun #nctzen #nct imagines #nct 127 #nct u #nct dream #nct drabbles #nct one shots

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alixofagnia · 7 years ago

Text

Get to know your fellow Reylos meme

This will be fun! Thanks for the tag @emperorren.

Answer these 10 Star Wars related questions, reblog and tag your favorite Reylo blogs to join in!

1) Who is your favorite Star Wars character of the new trilogy (excluding Rey and Kylo)?

Wow, that is so unfair because Rey and Kylo are truly my favorites from the ST so far.

Since TLJ came out, I would say Holdo. I love how she was introduced: you didn’t quite know what her deal was (or if that was all just in Poe’s head), but you gradually understood that there was way more to her than met the eye. Some people think she was a wasted character –because apparently showing up for the first time and then dying in the same movie amounts to a wasted, pointless character (Qui-Gon, hello, is that you? Rogue One squadron, are you there?). But I saw TLJ four times in the theater and every single time people literally gasped into the silence of Holdo’s death.

So, yeah, fuck off.

2) What is/are your favorite quote(s) from a Star Wars movie?

The OT movies were my “stay-home-sick” movies when I was a kid – I played the shit out of those VHS tapes, let me tell you. So, there are a lot of quotes from the OT that are just kind of pure nostalgia for me. I’m not a huge fan of the PT and since dialogue is one issue I take with them, I hardly ever quote them except to mock “she’s lost the will to live” because I find that line so problematic, and I just hate it.

It hasn’t been until the ST that certain lines of dialogue have actually resonated with me, probably because I’m seeing them as an adult. There are a lot of terrific quotes from TLJ, but I gotta let them stew a bit longer. So the two I picked are from TFA:

Maz Kanata: The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes. Feel it… The light… it’s always been there. It will guide you.

My liking this quote probably has a lot to do with Lupita N’yongo’s lovely voice and line delivery, because I remember tearing up in the theater when she started talking about the Force, and I swear to you I was not high. I just think it’s so beautifully spiritual, and when you put it into context with Rey’s journey and Kylo’s journey, or any SW character’s journey, really, it carries this deeply profound message of hope and faith.

The entire bridge scene dialogue, but mostly the moment when Han touches his son’s face:

I know it’s not a quote, but so much is contained in that single gesture.

It wasn’t shock at Han’s skewering that made my breath catch and bring a tear to my eye. It was the utterly heartbreaking grace of his final action. It’s such an unexpectedly visceral reaction and, actually, far more profound than I previously believed Han Solo capable of since he was largely a one-note character over the course of his SW career. This moment has taken on much more depth and meaning since TLJ’s release, in terms of Ben Solo’s arc, and I think it will continue to do so after Episode IX.

3) Do you think Kylo/Ben will survive Episode IX?

I have a lot of thoughts about this. Well, mostly just one.

YES.

As is obvious, Kylo Ren is one of my favorite new characters. That has nothing to do with Adam Driver, whom I had never watched before, and nothing to do with what I knew about the character, which was zero. [Srsly, I was in such an ‘I heart SW’ bubble for TFA that I did not even think about, let alone suspect, his heritage until literally the moment he was talking to Vader’s helmet.].

No, it has everything to do, instead, with the complex villain story-line and Byronic heroes. I love complex villainy. I adore Byronic heroes, with their tortured souls and black clothing. OF COURSE I was going to fall for Kylo/Ben. Just a bit.

But he’s also the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa and I love them, too. So, out of loyalty and like the good SW fan I am, I care about their son and what happens to him, and there’s just no hope to be found in Kylo’s death. There’s no good message in it. Even say that he’s “redeemed” or finds salvation or suffers through atonement, fine, whatever. Death is too simple. Vader was not a complex villain. Maybe in his youth he was supposed to be, but after his fall? No. He made his choice, and he chose the wrath and the Dark every day for 20 years until his son came along to rile up the long-buried conflict in his heart. No one conflicted Ben Solo more than Ben Solo himself. He’s his own worst enemy, as we all can be at some point in our lives.

It’s repeated all the time, so I’ll say it again:

Star Wars is a saga predicated on hope.

The message with a dead Ben Solo at Episode IX’s end is simply that of ‘well, you can find a way back from hell, but only if you die’, and that’s really bleak. Yet, it worked for Vader because, in the OT, he was largely an unsympathetic, “more machine than man” character.

Consider: How was Darth Vader going to find salvation and atonement for 20 years’ worth of galactic terrorism and oppression?

Answer: He wasn’t. His crimes were so great and extensive that 10 minutes of “goodness” couldn’t even begin to ease them. Narratively-speaking, his story was complete and it was time for him to meet his end. Character-wise, fueled as he was on hate and anger, and sustained by machinery for so many years, you have to also wonder if Vader wanted to die, ever since the moment he was told that he’d killed his wife and, by extension, his child[ren].

This greatly contrasts with Kylo Ren.

Consider: How is Kylo Ren going to find salvation and atonement for 6 years’ worth of galactic….wait, what?

Answer: The FO as a military and political threat is fairly new. It was not a fully realized organization during the events of Bloodline, though it was (if I remember correctly) in progress in the far regions of space. Ben, aged 23, was still with Luke at this time; he’s 29 by the start of TFA. So, in the span of 6 years, Kylo Ren canonically

destroyed a temple, killing a handful of classmates

started training under a Dark side master

became the leader of a mystery group

killed an old man from his past for withholding information during war time

ordered the mass killing of a small village during war time

interrogated some prisoners during war time

committed patricide during war time

fired on his mom’s ship during war time

killed his abusive master

led a full-scale yet futile attack during war time

tried to kill a projection of his uncle during war time

all while exhibiting acute internal conflict. It’s important to consider the majority of these crimes strictly within their context of war, primarily because it’s in the damn franchise title, but also because it again contrasts with Anakin’s crimes, which were not always within the context/name of war. It’s such a different villain treatment from OT Vader that I think Kylo not only deserves, but demands an equally different resolution.

Therefore, here’s a much more hopeful message on which to conclude the complex villainy of Kylo/Ben and, thus, the entire Skywalker saga:

You can find a way back from hell, if you live well.

4) What is your favorite scene featuring Rey and Kylo?

Ah, shit.

Well, the throne room battle was amazing and the closest to definitely-on-the-same-page as they’ve ever been to date. But I think I have to say the fourth Force bond scene. Hand making-out aside, this scene truly can be read as merely platonic, which I actually love because it’s another example of how this movie as a whole is so versatile and open for varying interpretations and discourse, for years to come!

AT THE SAME TIME, I personally feel that the hand touch (from the skin-on-skin contact, which the camera lovingly and reverentially sexualizes, to the forbidden connotation of Cock-block Luke) sent these two really rolling on a romantic trajectory. This scene also won over many viewers, whose previous feelings about Reylo were lukewarm at best and are now overwhelmingly positive. And that’s because of one undeniable thing:

This is the most emotionally vulnerable we’ve seen either Rey or Kylo.

It’s a major turning point in both their shared interactions and as individual characters. There’s a lot of amazing meta out there right now about Rey and Kylo, articulated far better than what I can produce. So, what I want to quickly add is that, for me, this scene reveals how utterly unselfish they can be with one another. Born from a place of intense, mutual knowing, they offered one another sincere support and reassurance from opposite sides of a political and ideological war. We later learn that this moment of reaching out yielded a shared vision, one where they saw themselves together.

A key takeaway is that they not only acknowledge this vision as truth, but earnestly –almost desperately– welcome it.

For me, this scene alone transcends the depictions of other cinematic romantic pairings within Star Wars itself, the wider genre of sci-fi, and the scale of big-budget franchises. I know I’m biased, but it’s quite frankly unbelievable how much was established and advanced between Rey and Kylo in two and a half hours of screen time, which they had to share with two other interwoven plot lines. For comparison, we have a good 80-90% of AotC entirely devoted to Anidala, and the most I’ve ever felt for them is a tepid interest because George Lucas and the OT said I had to. Written on paper, the Force connection scenes honestly sound super corny, this one especially. That they’re actually some of the film’s strong points is a testament to the story-telling/directorial abilities of Rian Johnson as well as the chemistry and talent of Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver, of course. And the great thing is Reylo isn’t even over! Think how much screen time will be devoted to them in IX and what they could do with that!

This is bound to change upon repeat viewings and/or after IX comes out. But for now, yeah, this is my favorite Rey and Kylo scene.

5) What order did you initially see the saga films in?

I think I was 5 or 6 and I think it was Return of the Jedi first, then A New Hope and Empire (in that order) shortly after. The rest I’ve seen as they’ve been released.

6) If you had a lightsaber, what color would you want it to be?

Maybe like an ice white blue…I’m not much of a lightsaber gal.

7) What are your top 3 favorite Star Wars films?

I’m tentatively going to say Empire, Force Awakens, Last Jedi.

8) Which droid would you most like to own/ have as your sidekick on intergalactic adventures?

What’s that Empire/FO “mouse” droid called? Maybe that one.

9) Which Jedi master would you most like to train under: Luke, Yoda, Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan?

Pfffft. Please. Reylo, obviously.

10) What is your ideal ending for Reylo in Episode IX?

So, I really try not to look at a Reylo ending through rose-tinted glasses. Reylo is a pairing that at this point cannot be taken lightly: it’s dark, it’s deeply complicated, and it’s very imperfect. In other words, it’s an honest, unfeigned pairing and I identify with it so much more because of its mesmerizing humanity.

We inevitably hurt the ones we love; shit happens, people miscommunicate, feelings get hurt. Kylo and now Rey have exercised misguided, even manipulative, behavior toward each other and failed in basic ways to understand and accept one another’s differences despite having shared and attained a powerful moment of clarity in their way forward. People call this ship abusive; I’m not that sorry, but they’re wrong. At worst, it’s unhealthy.

Well, guess what. You can get healthy.

Since I can’t even begin to predict or shape an ending for Reylo, I would just say that I wish for them to be sound in body and sound(er) of mind, and preferably together in some way. I personally want to see that union be romantic, but I will also accept a platonic union. I love and respect these characters so much that, honestly, I just want them to finally find what they’ve been longing and suffering their entire lives for. Now that they’ve at least partially found –and briefly possessed– that, I hope they also find a way to hold on to it in whatever way they can.

So much for not looking at it through rose-tinted glasses.

Tagging: @maleficentrox; @crez0le; @reylotea; @adambenkyloren; @paper-radio; @violet-is-maybe; @mooshygirl; @dr-porkchop1; @him-e

#reylo #rey #kylo ren #ben solo #star wars episode ix #can you guess at what i actually wanted to talk about #complex villains #byronic heroes #humanity #meta

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years ago

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like? i honestly don't get people (haters and those who stopped watching) who say spn has bad writing? of course not ever episode will be as good, but for a show at it's THIRTEENTH season the writing hasn't let up at all (it's just more simplified), sfter all those years i still find the dialogue utterly fascinating. i really don't get it but maybe i'm just biased :/

Yeah, and the thing is the show has gradually moved from what was good writing for season 1 or 4 or whatever, to whatever makes it still work after 8 or 13 seasons…

Like, the internal mirroring in season 1? It’s there, it’s good, there’s a lot more than you think and you’d basically have to watch the season twice, once forwards and once backwards as soon as you’re done before you forget all the little details to catch all the stuff. I mean there’s some things which are obvious like the Mary and Jess dying either end of their episode things. And then there’s stuff like 1x09 and 1x17 both having Sam and Dean obsessed with drawing something that they’re trying to capture on a piece of motel notepaper or whatever. Little motifs that barely mean anything but give a sort of coherency and nod to earlier writing, which is basically just stuff you do to assure the viewer there’s a sense of having things under control.

Cycle all the way up to season 13 and you can have so many nuanced references going on that just the MotW in 13x05 mirrors 5 different season 1 episodes, a season 8 main arc thing, a random season 11 motw, or 7x19 even, for the house full of ghosts thing… and probably some other stuff I can’t even remember now, and that’s before we get to the main plot half, and the emotional arcs. And those references aren’t just in there as a competency check, but because it means stuff and it’s relevant. The parallel to Lucas the mute kid in 1x03 who Dean related to? SUPER RELEVANT to his emotional state now. For like the entire season we’ve had 1x02′s “saving people, hunting things” speech lurking around in Dean’s actions visibly decayed and broken from its original meaning. 1x10 was visually referenced and that is important because of the Sam and Dean at odds stuff, and some of their most important yelling at each other about how they see each other and how John affected them and how they see John through each other happened there, all of which is being recycled in how they’re treating Jack. I could keep going but point is, the writing is good surface viewing, and a really rich soup of past canon references for people who want to analyse it, because just showing they understand the story they’re telling is a huge sign of good writing, and makes me confident to assume they do mean basically everything they imply.

But on the other hand in season 1 you can really feel scared and alone and confused and like the entire universe around them is too big and filled with evil and they’re small and incompetent and just want to find their dad and go home, and that aesthetic is excellent, but you can’t keep going with that past even season 1, so they start to get more people in their lives, even just passing acquaintances at first, and a couple of settled locations. And the story can’t just be the same simple goals over and over again or what’s the point in setting up a big looming battle between good and evil from the very start if it’s just escalating and deescalating clashes with a few important demons, a 4 episode per season main arc about family, and then a bunch of monster hunts? For one thing they’d run out of hunts :P So more plot, more characters, and it all starts eroding the original aesthetic because better writing for what they’re working with means abandoning what originally made the show good because it can NEVER make the show good again IN THAT WAY.

And by season 6 the mytharc is all concluded, and you basically have to pick the show up and turn it around, and start telling it all backwards, and make it personal instead, because not only is escalating threat meaningless after the victory in season 5, but they have a massive world full of characters and resources and KNOWLEDGE and you can’t have the Winchesters alone against the world. There’s jokes about how in season 1 they wouldn’t know a vampire if it bit them on the arse but then in season 8 Dean just goes and clears a house of them out for his vampire BFF. Or season 1 Dean vs demons and then just cut to him and Crowley drinking together. Like… it’s experience and competence and also just the story can’t maintain itself if it never explores new avenues where monsters stop being scary for being monsters and start being scary for what they say about the characters… Which 2x03 does for Dean, and everything since has been post-picking up the story and turning it around. I mean, that can happen at any point really, but the season 1 approach to monsters was completely unsustainable because they’d run out of monsters. Look at how werewolves never came back until season 8 and when they did, Robbie retconned the crap out of them so they could be used in different stories. Werewolves who transform unknown to themselves and can be monsters without ever knowing it? Are good for like 1 story only, and that was the one they told in Heart. And until you suck it up and retcon it, you can NEVER use werewolves even as incidental monsters. We didn’t even see them in season 6.

And all these changes are happening all the time, and bit by bit things like “can’t have the Winchesters without any reoccurring side characters to help/hinder them” and “monsters aren’t all evil” and “escalate the mytharc at least a notch higher than previously or start over but make it personal” and all these changes happen one at a time for good reasons, until you end up with a show which looks nothing like the original one but still has its DNA. It’s just grown up into an adult version of itself that can carry its own weight. And that’s good long-form writing.

I don’t actually think the writing has simplified, it’s just behaving in a different way now. Season 1 and 2 were pretty raw and full of character dynamic stuff but the main plot was very simple and tropey because it could afford to be because the show was a bunch of world building and a focus on the MotW episodes, and the main plot was a bonus and a mystery to string us through episode to episode, so the main pull WAS the character stuff between Sam and Dean as an identifying feature of the show. But you can’t tell that story over and over where they don’t know what’s happening and it never comes near them until shit hits the fan. For one thing, they blew all their cards ages ago on things seeded into their life from birth that they had no idea about but were always fated to happen, unless there’s something that happened to Dean that’s just been idly ticking away waiting for him to hit 40 for him to be slapped with some ancient curse Millie Winchester activated poking around with artefacts Henry brought home from work or something. Again, once the demon blood reveal comes you basically pick up the show, turn it around, and start telling in the other direction from the build up to that reveal, and we’re still going in that same direction that Sam’s been reacting to since 2x21. That’s the hugest thing to happen in their family history in terms of plot so everything has to loop around that somehow, and new reveals are just “why” ones not “what” ones, in 4x03 and 5x13.

The show the hardcore original couple of seasons fans are longing for is one that wrote itself out of existence with its OWN good writing. Sam and Dean DEMANDED more characters to interact with to show more facets of themselves and for them to be challenged, so they got Ruby and then Cas. The plot was rolling along building up steam so excitingly that it COULD go to an epic fated apocalypse, and sell that our guys were the ones caught in the middle and ready to save the world. They weren’t the same dweebs as season 1.

And instead you get this INCREDIBLE character writing… Like, Sam and Dean leap off the page as it were right from the start, and without them being good characters the show would never have amounted to anything because Sam and Dean was all the show depended on to start with. And it’s still going on their charisma and chemistry, but it’s FAR from all that now. They get characters thrown at them to see what sticks, and increasingly characters begin to stick. Characters would basically never be seen again originally. And then a few began to show up over and over after Bobby and then the Roadhouse lot, and season 3 had a whole bunch of actual reoccurring characters and stuff like surprise returns for the Trickster or whatever - things that began to make it feel like the world was populated with more than the Winchesters. And by season 8 when the narrative shifts to being primarily character-based and action driven, repeat characters are allowed to show up and stay in ways that they never would have in the past. You get in season 8 Garth, Kevin and Charlie all coming back since season 7 first appearances, Cas and Crowley get their first season they’re actually both in all the way through at the same time, and then there’s repeat characters introduced in that season for its story. Amelia and Benny, and Abaddon and Metatron. It’s CROWDED. The Winchesters are being defined by the people around them and it’s how they react and make their decisions that affects the story. Which allows for delving right down into them and doing masses of character building because all the plot stuff is affected by character things.

And I think Destiel gets so compelling around this time because the shift to emotional storytelling means it’s less what they do and more how what they do affects them and each other. Everyone’s getting defined more by the people around them but Cas and Dean have this whole weird profound thing going already.

As we go through all that the story becomes more and more self-reflective. 6x01 and 8x01 both reboot the story in weird various ways, going back to the pilot for inspiration. 6x01 just again is about picking up the story and turning it around and telling it in another direction, but 8x01 gets really meta about it… Dabb era snuck up on us because it starts somewhere in the middle-end of season 11, but the end of season 11 is another pick up and turn around moment, but instead of re-telling it begins to completely deconstruct and break down everything that the story had been previously defined by. Which means in many ways the drift back to trying to tell simpler episodes with season 1 themes and style makes it look simpler, but after you stick out 12 years of the show and then get to it, if you look at what they’re doing, part of the reason why the episodes feel SO good, is because there’s a deep intelligence to it all, at least in storytelling terms. Finding what is fresh by taking the things which are worn down and tiresome and trying to do something with them. Subtly, in season 12… A bit louder for the people in the back in season 13 :P But there’s a clever purpose behind it, and the episodes are engaging for other reasons and as a bonus we’re seeing the characters in ways we haven’t really seen them before. Or as we haven’t seen them for a long long time.

I think a lot of intelligence in good writing is not forgetting the beginning of the story halfway through or at the end or anything. Which is a serious problem when the show is so long. It’s why you sometimes get lines like in 5x21 where Sam and Dean have an exchange where they talk about remember when we used to just hunt Wendigo (*takes a shot*) or in 12x06 why that was the monster they had that game about… It’s meta commentary for mentioning it to go back to the start, to examine their lives (as we were doing to Asa) and remember how it all began. To get a sense of context and continuity that these are the same guys from the start of the show, who have been through *all that* and are still here, being themselves, in their further adventures.

I think the style has obviously, necessarily, changed a lot but I don’t think it’s simplified anywhere, just that the changes and evolution it’s been through means that the way it’s told now is different, in this case blending nostalgia with trying to convince us we need to keep watching, still, after 13 years, for some of the weird ideas they have going forwards… I think that involves a LOT of character emphasis like being able to take most of 13x01 to mourn Cas when we know he’s coming back, or this whole grief arc, really. Or look at the evolution of Dean worrying about Cas in season 8, 11 and 12 when he’s missing/possessed and how each time it was significantly louder and more important as what Dean was dealing with and how it was affecting him and how important it was to the narrative as a whole. It’s like someone saying a sentence over and over but repeating it with different emphasis. And louder. And the longer the show goes on the less it can rely on one type of telling and the more it has to rely on the other, although I sort of feel like season 13 is hitting a point where I’m not sure where else they GO from here :P

It’s flipped right back to season 1 in a way, that there’s very little “main plot” intruding on them, right now, except via grief or having Jack around, which of course just elicits a bunch more character development and emotional arc stuff. But the entire history and complexity of the show is still there, so a regular MotW can turn into a chat with Death, who talks to Dean about cosmic matters. Their world is never not going to be huge now after it’s been escalated so far, but on the other hand, you can go back to that season 1 feeling where character development was basically all they had lying around… It’s all massively complex, but on a sublime lower level to what’s going on in the main plot.

Same as last year, the plot stuff all just served the emotional arcs and it could be literally anything as long as it gave the right nudges to the characters. So far this season it’s been going much better, probably because it feels simpler and there’s been less direct main plot nonsense going on and letting the characters breathe and deal with the emotional stuff…

Idk, tl:dr I sort of feel like everything season 11 onwards has just been rewarding fans of the show who kept watching that long, made by people who love the show and are delighted it’s been around this long… Like, if anything, the writing might seem simplified because they’ve written so much show that it’s like a self-fuelling self-nostalgia perpetual motion machine for the last couple of seasons. But the very fact it seems easy and simple is betraying how intelligent some of the writing actually is, because at no point has it let up on the depth it’s written at, and with more show it just means MORE stuff to mirror, parallel and build off of. The writing is probably proportionately better than it ever has been because it’s not a level playing field, it’s a MASSIVE MOUNTAIN of past canon all the new writers have to wrangle, learn, and love before they can start writing. And they show that they HAVE and produce great episodes out of it.

#Asks #asdsfdfhjkld I will never be free of this show

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mrsrcbinscn · 5 years ago

Text

Script Excerpts: Franny’s Top Albums of 2019

[playlist]

tl;dr: A selection of script excerpts from a video on Franny’s YouTube channel called “My Favorite Albums of 2019″. Pretend I finished this in December like I wanted to and that January isn’t nearly over okay

Her channel doesn’t have a super regular upload schedule. She doesn’t feel like adding ~~~youtube personality~~~ to her long list of wikipedia page job titles. And she keeps her social medias (YouTube, Twitter, Instagram) firmly in the “this is for fun” part of her mind. She doesn’t make any sponsored videos or posts on social media but when the mood strikes she’ll upload videos about music, music history, current trends in the industry she’s noticing and her thoughts on them, album reviews, and her favorite content to make is videos where she signal boosts several lesser-known artists in one video and fangirls over how much she loves them and why y’all should, too.

INTRO: Susadei*, hello, and welcome to my channel, where I, Franny Sor Robinson, share my pesky lady opinions about music on the internet.”

*susadei is the informal way to say hello in Khmer, Franny’s first language

TOPIC INTRODUCTION: It is almost Christmas, which means! It’s time to talk about my favorite albums of 2019. As always, this list is in no particular order, because I believe that especially when talking about multiple genres of music - which we’re going to today - music isn’t something you rank on a linear bad, worse, worst, good, better, greatest scale.

RULES: Now, the rules!

The album can’t be one I had a part in “And I don’t just mean not a Franny Sor Robinson, Seoul Hanoi’d, or Dara & Danny album. I am an active songwriter and composer even durin’ years I don’t personally release an album. I have co-written substantial amounts of, or entire tracklists, on several albums where I don’t sing or play an instrument on the recorded album, but I’m all over the credits. I think I do enough shameless self-promotion leading up to, and shortly after, the release of anything I work on. So as much as I loved working with Sariya Ibekwe - who is a fabulous Nigerian-American jazz singer - on her debut album this year, I co-wrote a good amount of that album. But, I’ve already talked about Sariya’s album extensively this year, and will link to it in the description box below anyway.

The album can’t be by a close personal friend of mine “I would spend these videos talking only about my friends’ releases if I didn’t have a strict no cronyism rule in these yearly roundups. I hype up, like, Daniel, Vanessa, Yulia, Delia, Lora, Andreas’s, and so on’s stuff whenever anything new drops, so they already got their signal boosts.”

Beyond those two rules, that’s really it. So without further stalling, let’s get into it.

Traveling Mercies by Emily Scott Robinson

The first album I want to talk about is Traveling Mercies, by North Carolina singer-songwriter Emily Scott Robinson - no relation, but oh my god, I wish. I’d love to just meet her, once. She’s so talented, I just - ugh! Anyway.

Emily Scott Robinson is a country singer whose first album, Magnolia Queen, came out in 2016 but I didn’t come across it until after I fell in love with Traveling Mercies. Daniel Maitland - the other half of Dara & Danny - sent the Spotify link of this album to me, and I just ate it up. Her songwriting gets me good, y’all. Her imagery is somethin’ else, her voice has the clarity of Alison Krauss, and her ability to deal with some very heavy themes poetically without sort of...glorifying? or trivializing? them is unreal.

I should trigger warning this upcoming bit for discussion of sexual assault, so if you’d like to avoid that, I’ll put a timestamp right here [points] for you to skip to. I’ll give you oooone more second to skip, and...okay.

I had a hard time listening to The Dress at first, because whenever I consume any media that deals with sexual assault, I have to mentally prepare myself. Even the song I wrote about my own experience with it, I don’t - I don’t perform it. Very rarely, I will. It was a write it, record it, release it for your healin’, and try to be done with it kinda thing. But once I psyched myself up to listen to it, The Dress pretty much immediately became one of my favorite songs on this album. I do sometimes have to skip it if I’m not feelin’ up to it mentally, but it. It is a beautifully written song about a very ugly thing, and I think- I think its a wonderful thing that she wrote that song.

[...] and then there’s my favorite song on this entire album, the one that honestly gave me a moment of “oh. OH, she went there.” Pie Song. It starts out by literally, she’s literally singin’ about how to bake a pie, and it made me so nostalgic for home, because I remember being taught by my friend’s mom to make a pie just like that. Don’t skimp on butter for the crust, add a little moonshine, but then she just, the next line goes right into the chorus and its, “but nothing you can make, can make you good enough, if you’re cooking for a man that doesn’t love you.” When I first heard that shift in the song - honey, when I tell you my chest just [both hands go up to her chest] it was powerful. Even though it isn’t the saddest or heaviest song on the album, it’s my favorite. The clear imagery - I could smell the pie she was singing about, I could feel the flour on my clothes - , the plot twist.

Among the songwriting circles I’m in, this album is pretty popular with them for her songwriting. We go absolutely bananas for it.

Her songwriting is gonna take her places. I really can’t wait to see what she comes out with next. I’m a fan. I love her. SO much.

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP WHERE DO WE GO? by Billie Eilish

This is probably the most quote unquote, mainstream album on this list. Billie’s undeniably a known name, and rightfully so!

This album, y’all? Amazing. Flawless. True art. I’m always hesitant when my son tells me what the Kids TM are listening too, because I usually- mm. Far be it from me to gatekeep music, to say what’s good and what’s bad, so I’ll just say that it. Usually isn’t. My, uh, my thing. It doesn’t appeal to me, and that’s fine!

But I- the first couple seconds of ‘bad guy’ got me payin’ attention, at ‘all the good girls go to hell’ I was just like Wow, capital W, and ‘bury a friend’ had me floored. Billie Eilish’s album is probably one of the most interesting, unique, and complex albums I’ve ever listened to. I really- I love this album.

Walk Through Fire by Yola

We’re back in the underground country music scene because of course we are! Yola is a fantastic singer from Bristol, England. On iTunes this album is classified as rock, but her EP titled Orphan Offering was under country, and her music has a very americana-indie-country feel.

Yola’s voice is the best part of this album but that’s not to knock on the music and the songwriting because they are also amazing. I can’t talk about this album and not talk about Yola’s voice, specifically, though. Her voice is like a warm cup of ginger tea on a cold day. It’s husky, and bluesy, on some songs kinda jazzy, and the musicality she displays on the album is really dynamic. She’s soft and smooth, then she’s belting out some high notes, but she’s not spending the entire album hittin’ you over the head with her belting. She really gives you a sampling of what all she can do on this album.

My favorite song off this album is Shady Grove it’s just - it’s - I love everything about it. The string section. The sitar sound. The gentle percussion, and ohhh my good god, the melody is just beautiful. It makes me wish this album was out when my son was little, because [pouts] its a song that reminds me of the song I used to sing to him when we first adopted him, and I’d just kinda hold him in my arms ‘n sway and sing to him. It’s such a beautiful song, it isn’t even the deepest or most profound song on this album but it is the most beautiful song to me musically. And I was want to hold a baby and sing it to the baby, so bring me your babies. Gimme.

Seneca by Charles Wesley Godwin

I’m going to get into this album in a second, but first. We all know I am a slut for odes to one’s roots. I made a whole video talking about how despite its memeability, John Denver’s Take Me Home, Country Roads is actually a masterpiece. The short film I co-wrote and co-starred in with the director Lydia Viravong, a Lao-American I grew up with, is filmed and set in our hometown and based on our mothers. The Dara and Danny album ‘Progidal Children of Clayton County’ is a loveletter to me and Daniel’s hometown in Clayton Count, Georgiay.

And that’s exactly what the album Seneca is. Seneca is an album about West Virginia. Charles Wesley Godwin grew up in Morgantown, West Virginia, a coal minin’ town. The Seneca Creek ran through his back yard, his daddy was a coal miner, mama’s a schoolteacher - he had a very quintessential coal mining town upbringing. And you know, your upbringing shapes you and this album is all about his love for where he comes from.

The imagery in his songwriting is just [chef’s kiss] perfection. And as someone whose affection for her roots is just as strong, I really - this album made me emotional as all hell. A lot of it is really sad, if I’m being honest, but that’s also because its so honest. For example, the song Coal Country, tells the story of how West Virginia’s coal industry was the lifeblood of the West Virginia mountains, praises the union heroes of the Battle of Blair Mountain, and laments that in place of prospects for West Virginians, there’s now only food stamps and opiod addiction.

Seneca Creek...the full version is beautiful, but the acoustic version gives mechills every single time. He wrote it about his grandparents’ love story from when they met in ‘49 to when his grandmother got sick and died in ‘94. It reminds me of Holly William’s 2013 song Waiting on June. It isn’t the happiest song, but even after the verse where the wife’s passed away, the chorus following it isn’t sorrowful. It just goes

We built a home by Seneca Creek And raised ourselves a family I worked on the farm, you worked the store We had everything we'd ever hoped for

The narrator of the song is just talking about how he lived a simple life with the love of his life. That’s what the song is about, ultimately. And that’s beautiful. It makes me really, really feel lucky to be married to my husband when I listen to it, because for me, that’s what being married to him is like.

Strawberry Queen is ro-man-tic as HELL! It’s about his WIFE, and as someone who is also trash for their spouse and writes way too many cheesy-ass love songs about him....I love it. It’s beautiful. I cried a little but don’t tell anybody I have emotions.

The last sad one I want to mention is Sorry For The Wait. It is a beautiful song where the narrator’s been killed in a mine explosion and he’s telling his wife not to cry for too long, that he’s buried in the clay and so will she someday, and he’s sorry for the wait. The third verse gets me bad.

When you miss talkin' at me, holler t'wards the mine It's amazing how your voice echoes inside When the winter breeze tugs at your hair Jus know that it's me with a grin standing there

I’m not! Okay!

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Before I talk about the final album I want to gush about, I do want to mention four albums that I truly enjoyed but in an effort to not make this video go on forever and ever, I didn’t write a whole explanation about why they’re so great. But I really do think deserve a shoutout!

LOVE + FEAR by Marina

Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent by Lewis Capaldi

Closer Than Together by The Avett Brothers

Wildcard by Miranda Lambert

Farmland by Gabe Lee

I can’t believe I haven’t plugged this guy yet because Gabe Lee’s album is fuh-king amazing. Gabe Lee is a country singer from Nashville whose sound you can tell has been influenced by classic country, modern americana, and like classic singer-songwriter types like Bob Dylan. It’s hard for me to interpret 100% of the time what his lyrics are about because at times his writing is pretty abstruse - oooh, pull out your thesauruses, kids - but the imagery in vivid. Its easier for me to talk about what this album makes me think of and how it makes me feel than to outright tell you what its all about. Farmland makes me think about drivin’ out in the woods in my high school boyfriend’s pickup to makeout and drink beer under the guise of deer hunting; or trying to sneaky-clean my muck boots after cuttin’ school to go fishin’ with my brothers; or pulling into a gas station in the middle of nowhere and handin’ some cash for pump one to a clerk that looks like he’s been there since the invention of petrol. There’s this grit to it that’s plain at the same time. Like there’s nothin’ particularly rebellious about skippin’ school to catch some fish, but it’s gonna get you muddy and sweaty.

The music is very simple and that’s one thing I like about it. It doesn’t feel overproduced, it just feels very classic. Like this album would easily have been made in 1979, 2009, or 2019. The standout song on this album, to me, is Last Country Song. Daniel [the other half of the bluegrass-folk-americana duo Dara & Danny] thinks its Eveline, which is another one of my favorites. The most fun song on this album? Lyra, for sure. I have a lot of feelings about this album, I love this album, and I really hope you give it a listen.

Also, y’all know that as an Asian woman in country music - well, kinda. I got one foot in jazz, and one foot in bluegrass-americana-country-southern-folk, and then I got a hand in indie - [jump cut] LOOK, genre is a social construct, okay? I make whatever music I wanna make and you can like it or hate it. What was I talking ab-- oh! Gabe Lee!

Right, so, y’all know, clearly you can see, I’m very Asian. [*gasp*, puts on a generic American accent] What do you mean you’re not white? [normal voice] Shocking, I know. I like to highlight other artists of color as often as possible, but of course I’ll signal boost whoever I think is fantastic. But whenever I come across another Asian artist in these [air quotes] “white people” genres, I get really excited. And Gabe Lee is Asian-American, which again, we don’t see very often in country music, or like, other genres that we consider “Americana.” So yeah, I think that’s really cool.

#&&...hc

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