#nothing really matters

[godshideouscreation]

[alex003sworld]

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. 😈

[mulderscully]

has this election killed my whimsy for fandom forever or will this pass? though to say

[itsallmadonnasfault]

Nothing Really Matters

[opheliaplath]

“I’m transforming and realigning

I’ll take you with me”

Addison Rae newest song “Aquamarine” creates from a sample of “Nothing really matters” from the first Madonna’s album “ Ray of light”. And yet the song sounds so original and fresh between all the pop song of the music industry right now! Art is transforming and reshaping in new and at the same time old images that last forever.

[jgabriel1920]

It's been a week... Since I started Johnnytober. Normally I wouldn't be saying how many days have passed but with the fact I without YouTube it's worth it because I don't have much to do.

I mean, god I do have a lot I can do but I simply... Hate myself. There's no other words. When I stuck in place all I can think is ending it all.

Fucking hell, I going to have to block certain tags on my tumblr because I see "men don't interact" about how much men are vile creatures and I think "well there's a way to resolve at least one of this issues and it's with a bullet to my head." Jesus, is not even funny anymore.

I'm volatile it seems, probably because of the depression Im carrying. I hate this bloodsucker, draining me even if I literally just breathing.

I don't know what to do. I not actually having "problems" my life is good! I mean, as better as it can be. My parents are wonderful people to me (even if they are kinda homophobic, didn't tell them the spy I am lol) I spent my day "relaxed" but still feel like I want to disappear.

I want to scream, pull my hair out, beat my head in the wall until I go unconscious. I not brave or stupid to do it, and sincerely wish I was.

I telling you all this because, well I can't say it at real life. Only thing people can give me are sweet words that don't mean anything.

...

Well, I guess that's all. Trauma dumping on social media, let's go... Eh...

Johnnytober is certainly helping me, even if it's kinda word vomiting. I don't care if it doesn't get many hearts or reblogs. I know how to get them, it's a social game where you play what everyone wants to see.

I want to write what I want to see. It's egotistical? Extremely. But fuck it, I don't care. That's what I taking this, or what's to understand. I going to continue to scream, make art by cutting my heart and letting it all here.

Thank you for the people who see what I do and interact. Thank you to the mutuals I have. Thank you.

[itsmyfriendisaac]

The Celebration Tour 💋

[cerehja]

[thegoodmorningman]

When life throws a 500 mile tall mountain in your path, don't ask "how?", just abandon everything and climb it.

[eyes-of-laura-mars]

[raurquiz]

#otd @madonna #madonna #rayoflight in #japan #drownedworld #substituteforlove #swim #candyperfumegirl #skin #nothingreallymatters #skyfitsheaven #ShantiAshtangi #frozen #thepowerofgoodbye #ToHaveandNottoHold #LittleStar #MerGirl @warnermusic @soundstoryuk @Albumism

[dontyouloveher]

“When i was very young nothing really matters to me but making myself happy…”

[nocturnal-desolation]

My mind has been slowly poisoning my soul to the point where it doesn't feel like it belongs to me anymore, like it's not my own life. Despite being very disciplined, I lose focus more often lately and lack the motivation to do things. Most of the time, almost every day, I force myself to fulfill my responsibilities, force myself to do chores and "live" a little, as if you could call it that. Life itself has become a chore. And as always, I try not to show any of it, to keep up appearances, stay fit, what you gotta do to live a lie, I suppose… Why even do that? Well, it would take even more energy to listen to what others would say if they knew how I really felt. I want to be spared their "wise" words that lack any kind of meaningful understanding. "You just have to…" is how they usually start. As if they know, they know nothing. No, it's never "just" do something and everything will magically get better. Of course, some things help to get better in the moment - not long term in the mind. Others take time or feel good for a while, but don't last… Nothing has ever lasted for me, it seems to be a real tragedy that I got used to it, don't really think about it, because everything else keeps me thinking and occupied anyway.

It's odd, the dichotomy between body and mind. My body doesn't feel any different than it did when I was 18, certainly it helps to stay active, but it's much easier than with the mind or the soul. My soul feels so old, as if it has already lived several lifetimes, and in a way it has. Because it's running in circles a lot, burning through thoughts, feelings, emotions and therefore mental and emotional energy much faster than it does for most. I'm at a strange point in my life. I've come too far, far enough that it's not just spiraling down because I've learned to deal with some of this stuff better over time, but all my dreams, goals and aspirations are still out of reach, maybe unattainable forever, which makes it hard to find a meaning, a purpose, or to simply make sense of it all. It's both comforting and frightening that nothing really matters. Yet I wish it did, that I made a difference, that I mattered... and I don't.

I just don't.

[itsallmadonnasfault]

[27paperlilies]

The self realisation we're a bacteria colony, on a spec for some kids science work, or a flea on alien cattle ranch, or a lost package in an interstellar delivery service, really gives me the energy to give no f#cks.

[g0blinm0d3]

The majesty of Mother Nature is a reminder of my own insignificance and in that I find great comfort. -me

📍Cape Flattery, Makah Indian Reservation, Washington State