#nothing i can get myself excited about for the next few weeks and I'll be busy so i can't make up fun stuff either

[feathers-little-nest]

.

[tsxkkis]

# tsukishima kei - perfect match

a/n: watch me suddenly appear out of nowhere after the school year has finally ended to post something!! i'm sure absolutely no one is surprised that tsukishima is the centre of this fic, but tbh idk how to feel about it (it's definitely longer than my usual ones but i didn't proofread it, so idk if the lenght is an advantage or not) but i hope you'll like it ^^ with school being over for the next two months i'll finally have time to write, so expect more works soon!!

summary: you and tsukishima decide to help your friends get together, but the plan is long forgotten when you realize what your own feelings are.

warnings: nothing really, canon yamayachi (my loves), some light swearing, bad writing

tsukishima kei did not expect any of his friends to bother him in the middle of the night. hell, he didn't even expect any of them to disturb his alone time at all. and yet at exactly 2.34 in the morning, right as he was about to turn off his currently binge watched tv show and go to sleep, he felt his phone buzzing on the nightstand. 

his eyes focused on your name, written in white font on his phone screen, surely shocked by the sight.

'why are you calling me at 2 in the goddamn morni-'

'is yamaguchi interested in anyone?'

your question caught him off-guard even more than the call itself, his brows furrowing in a weirded-out look. 

'if you're asking for yourself, i'm positive that he is not interested.' 

tsukishima heard a sigh of annoyance on the other side of the call and could only imagine the exact look on your face in this very moment. 

'well, thank god, because i'm not asking for myself.' you said. there were muffled sounds of someone preparing food in the background. 'i'm asking for yachi.'

the blonde boy smiled unconsciously.

'he does like her.' the boy stated, turning off his laptop as he put it back on the desk. 'so much so, in fact, that it can be kind of annoying sometimes.'

you squealed with excitement, a giggle leaving your mouth at tsukishima's remark. 

'perfect! now, listen carefully.'

that singular phone call created an alliance between you and kei. an alliance with only one goal; getting your two best friends to finally confess to each other. to both of you, it was almost infuriating how blind they were; how they didn't notice just how obvious it was that they both shared the same feeling. constant blushing at as little as a mention of the other's name, the stolen glances, the very obvious pining - all of it seemed to be non-existent in the eyes of both yamaguchi and yachi.

but lucky for them, you had a plan.

his eyes lingered on you for a few seconds, as if awaiting a sign from you. tsukishima still thought of your 'master plan' as rather silly, but seeing the determination on your face, and the frown that appeared when he called your idea stupid was enough for him to sigh and go with it this once.

the four of you were currently occupied with studying for a math test coming up next week, everyone nose deep in their notebooks. well, everyone except for kei.

the boy cleared his throat almost theatrically, drawing the attention of the three of you.

'yamaguchi, i think i'll have to pass on the movies this weekend.' he said, the tone of his voice as lifeless as ever. 'akiteru insisted that i go to one of his games, so i guess you'll have to take someone else.'

the freckled boy looked a little troubled upon hearing the information. both you and tsukishima were well aware that the tickets to the cinema were already paid for; yamaguchi would definitely be sad if it all went to waste. 

'well, i guess i can ask hina-'

'yachi, didn't you tell me last week that you wanted to go to the movies with someone?' you barged in before the boy could even finish his sentence, your friend freezing in her spot at the mention of a conversation you had not that long ago, cheeks flushed pink at the mere thought of going somewhere with yamaguchi one-on-one. 'maybe you'd fill in for tsukki?' 

the girl glanced at you, panic in her eyes as an awkward silence filled the room, everyone waiting for her to answer. you gave her an encouraging smile, as if trying to non-verbally tell her to go for it, to use this as a chance to get closer to the boy she liked for so long. 

'if yamaguchi doesn't mind...' she mumbled quietly, head turning to face the boy who was already shaking his head. 

'of course i don't.' yamaguchi smiled, his small dimples showing up in the process. 

you glanced over to look at tsukishima, a triumphant smile on your face as if you just won a volleyball tournament. his hair was slightly messy, and his glasses were sliding off his nose, two of the top buttons on his school uniform unbuttoned, showing a bit of his collarbones. surprisingly enough, the blonde boy smiled back; a small, quick smile that your eyes barely noticed. you had no idea what it was, but something about that singular smile made your heart beat faster. 

don't. the main focus of this entire thing is to get yachi and yamaguchi together. not to think of tsukishima and how attractive he looks- 

shit.

developing a crush on tsukishima kei was certainly not part of your plan. 

at first, you tried ignoring it as much as you could, focusing solely on your friends and getting them to date. as time went on and yamaguchi and yachi started getting closer, you almost felt a sense of relief - you could finally stop spending so much time around tsukishima, which made your chances of getting over your stupid crush higher. 

but it wasn't as easy as you thought. tsukishima was intelligent, pretty, and his snarky remarks and judgy personality actually drew you to him even more with each passing day. through the countless conversations and numerous phone calls, he proved himself to be more than just a salty, mean guy that everyone viewed him as.

'soon enough, they won't even need our help.' you mumbled to yourself as you opened your bento box, a smile on your face as you noticed your mom homemade onigiri inside. 'i don't know what i'll do with myself then.'

tsukishima scoffed, closing the textbook in front of him.

'maybe start focusing on your own love life for once.'

'hey! it's not my fault that i'm a good friend.' you stated, mouth full of food, as you looked up at your friend sitting on the opposite side of the table, looking through the tasks assigned for next week. 'besides, it's not like i'm the only one.'

tsukishima adjusted his glasses, looking up at you for a mere second before focusing back on his notebook.

'touché.'

'oh, come on.' you whined out, dissatisfied with the lack of response from the blonde boy. 'you won't miss this even a little bit?'

alright, maybe just a bit-

'no.' tsukishima stated firmly, fixing his posture as he highlighted one of the important sentences written down. you heard a bit of hesitation in his voice, and the few seconds of silence before hearing an answer couldn't help but make you wonder. you decided to ignore it this time - he was focused on something else right now, there was no need to disturb him. 

'do you think yachi will like my outfit?'

tsukishima was sitting at the edge of his best friend's bed, mindlessly scrolling through his phone and occasionally looking up to see the twelfth - no, thirteenth shirt that yamaguchi has tried on already. the boy sighed, turning his device off. 

'it's your first official date, i'm sure she doesn't mind what you wear.' he stated, gaining a frown from yamaguchi.

'you didn't answer my question.'

'alright, i think she'll like it.' the blonde haired boy said, reaching out for a bag of chips, opening it with a loud sound. 'but i'm sure she'll focus more on the date itself rather than what you're wearing.'

ever since announcing to their friends that they're going on their first official date, both yamaguchi and yachi were full of stress, constantly overthinking every little detail from their outfit to whether or not the date will go well or not. tsukishima found it rather comical - it was only a date after all. why stress over it so much? he never went on one, obviously, but he always thought that when the day came, he'd approach it calmly.

'do you have any tips on how to not freak out?' yamaguchi asked suddenly, catching his friend off-guard. 'during the date, i mean.'

'how can i know? i've never gone on one.'

the freckled boy looked at tsukishima, a confused expression on his face as he processed his words.

'oh.' he paused for a second, his voice quieter when he continued speaking. 'i thought you and y/n were, you know, a thing.'

huh?

to say tsukishima was shocked was an understatement. he genuinely had no idea what to say; he never even let a thought of you and him being more than friends, 'partners in crime', as you loved to say, slip through his mind. never did it occur to him that someone from the outside would see your relationship as being something more than a merely platonic one. 

well, maybe there was something to it after all. 

yamaguchi's words made him wonder - although he did find you annoying at times, it was only occasionally and to a very little degree. that in itself was very rare in tsukishima's eyes, as he found most of the people surrounding him at least normally annoying. you, on the other hand, were a completely different case. your jokes, no matter how awkward or downright cringe, made him crack a silent laugh more often than not, and every time he saw you smile, his lips uncontrollably curved up into a small, barely noticeable one themselves. 

'oh, no, absolutely not.' the blonde blurted out after a long minute of silence, the tips of his ears turning a bright shade of red. 'there is not a single bone in my body that would want to date her. now get up idiot, or you'll be late to your date.'

the moment tsukishima opened his bedroom, after walking his friend to the bus stop, he immediately plopped down on his bed, phone in hand, instinctively opening messages to write to you. surprisingly enough, a message was already waiting for him.

'yachi almost cried because of how stressed she is T-T'

'do you think we should spy on them to make sure it all goes well?'

he found himself smiling at the words on his phone screen, quickly typing back an answer. 

'do you really not have a life of your own?'

'idiot.'

only after a few minutes did he get a response from you.

'can i come over?? i'm bored :33'

a harmless message, one might think. in reality, tsukishima was freaking out at the mere thought of hanging out with you for a reason other than setting up your friends, his cheeks a light shade of pink as his eyes kept digging a hole through his phone. 

you weren't any better than him - hands slightly shaky as you awaited a response for what felt like hours, but was actually just a few minutes. you had no idea what took over you; was it a sudden wave of bravery or rather an idiotic spontaneous choice to ask tsukishima that. but nonetheless, when you finally got the response, you felt ecstatic.

'alright.'

'bring some snacks.'

'kei, i think yamaguchi is he- oh, that's certainly a new face.'

you stood in front of the door with an awkward smile, facing tsukishima's older brother, akiteru, his eyes scanning you from head to toe. to say he was surprised was an understatement - he looked as if he'd seen a ghost. as if a friend that's not yamaguchi coming over to tsukishima's house was so out of the ordinary that it could become a national holiday. 

'come in.' the younger male appeared in the back of the hall, an oversized dinosaur shirt and shorts on. his expression was softer than usual; not until he looked at his brother, whom he gave a sharp stare, signaling him to let you inside and don't make such a fuss about it. 

you sat down on his bed, awkward silence filling up the room. not wanting to make the conversation about your friends as per usual, you slowly realized you don't know what to talk about, trying to think of something, anything, as you began unpacking your bag filled with snacks. 

surprisingly enough, it was tsukishima who spoke up first. 

'wanna watch a movie?' he asked, opening his drawer to pull out two bottles of soda, hidden there so that his brother doesn't devour all of them. 'unless it'll make you even more bored than you were before.'

'well, if you have a boring taste in movies-' 

'says the one who looks like their favorite movie is mamma mia.' tsukishima scoffed under his breath, turning his laptop on and starting to search up movies. you looked at him, a dramatic expression as you pretended to be offended. 

'and you look like you're about to mansplain the godfather to me.' 

a short silence filled the room before you heard the blonde boy let out a short, muffled laugh at your comment. 

'you couldn't be more wrong.' he sat down next to you, a small smile still on his face. 'i found it kind of boring, actually.'

'what do you like, then?'

'horror movies.' tsukishima stated, eyes focused on the screen. 'but tadashi gets easily scared, so i often don't have a chance to watch them.'

'same with me and yachi.' you said, unconsciously scooping a bit closer to the boy as you tried to get a better look at what he was searching up. 'i love them, but yachi jumps at every small scare on the screen. sometimes, she even gets scared when there's nothing happening at all.'

'they really do match each other.' he mumbled, putting the laptop on the bed as he pressed play on a movie he chose. his eyes quickly glanced your way to get a nod of approval on his choice.

'yeah, they do.'

and we could, too.

'are you and tsukishima dating?'

you almost spat out your drink, the words coming out of hinata's mouth catching you so off-guard you were close to choking. 

the three of you, along with kageyama, were currently cleaning up after volleyball practice, the boys racing on who would clean more balls off of the floor.

'no, we're not.' you said in a clearly sad tone with an obvious hint of dissatisfaction in your voice. 'what the hell made you think that way?'

the orange haired boy stopped in his tracks, his signature smile disappearing for a minute as he got lost in his own thoughts. 

'oh! i remember now.' he said after a short while, his grin coming back. 'yamaguchi told me that you two are close.'

'he did also mention that he seems happier around you.' kageyama added, joining the conversation. 'seeing tsukishima happy must be pretty scary.'

not really, you thought. but at the same time, what confused you more was what kageyama said right before. 

he seems happier around you.

yamaguchi has been kei's friend for the longest time, so any of his observations must be true, or at least that's what you liked to believe. but would that mean that tsukishima kei, the salty, closed-off guy whom everyone finds intimidating could possibly like you? was there truly a possibility that he enjoyed spending time with you? 

as you finished cleaning up the hall, saying your goodbyes to your two friends who ran off to practice volleyball somewhere else, a familiar, tall figure appeared in the doorframe, sharp eyes staring at you with an expression that you couldn't exactly decipher. 

'want me to walk you home?' he asked, hands in his pockets. 'it's getting late.'

you looked at him, trying to hide the blush creeping up onto your cheeks before quickly nodding as an answer.

'sure, let's go.'

most of the walk was filled with silence on both parts, exactly as you expected. even though it might've felt awkward for some, you did enjoy his presence in itself enough that a conversation wasn't necessary. 

the boy stopped in his tracks mid-way, reaching into his backpack and pulling out his phone and an old pair of white, wired earphones, showing them to you as a silent question of whether you wanted to listen to music with him or not. you agreed without a second thought, a small smile on your face as he put on one of his playlists. 

'i really like this song.' you mumbled, eyes lighting up upon hearing the familiar melody. with both of you wearing the same set of headphones right now, you were practically forced to walk closer to each other - hands constantly brushing against one another, a faint blush on your face as you tried to ignore it and focus on the music. 

tsukishima, on the other hand, couldn't shake away the thoughts roaming around his head. he felt as if what he was doing now was incredibly unlike him; and maybe it was. but for some reason, he didn't mind being like this around you. less cocky, sarcastic, mean and more... gentle.

he could feel his fingers brushing against yours from time to time, and it drove him crazy. should he go for it and play it off nonchalantly, or just ignore it? should he even make the first move or wait for you to do it?

before he was able to decide, tsukishima felt your hand reaching for his, heart rate immediately speeding up as your fingers shyly intertwined with his, looking the other way to hide your anxious expression.

his hand was much bigger than yours, but somehow it fit perfectly with yours. as if they were created solely to hold one another and nothing else. the plan to get your friends to be together was long forgotten by now - your mind was clouded with thoughts of tsukishima only, and little did you know that his wasn't any different. 

you glanced his way only to find his eyes already on you, hiding his true feelings behind a nonchalant look. only now did you notice that the two of you were standing in front of your house, the boy adjusting his glasses as he waited to see what you'll do next. 

'i guess i should go home now.' you mumbled, but you still didn't move an inch, hand not leaving his. 'see you tomorrow?'

his hand squeezed yours tightly before taking it away, an unusually warm and welcoming smile on his face. 

'sure. see you tomorrow, idiot.'

but as you slowly made your way towards the door, tsukishima couldn't shake away the feeling in him, telling him to go for it. and as much as he tried to resist it, he just couldn't anymore. 

'wait.’

before you could fully turn away, tsukishima kei's lips were already on yours, a sweet, long kiss that felt as if he was waiting to do it for years. his hand traveled to your waist and it didn't take long for you to react; lips moving swiftly with his, noses bumping into one another before you pulled away, a giggle escaping your mouth as you saw just how red tsukishima's face was.

‘don't laugh at me, moron.’ he said, immediately catching the reason for your laughter as he flicked you in the forehead. ‘your whole face is red, too.’

‘i didn't expect you to do this.’ you mumbled, eyes focused on his as you reached to hold his hand again. ‘didn't expect my feelings to be mutual, either.’

‘i'm glad we feel the same.’ his face leaned in closer to yours, a wave of confidence taking over him as he placed a short kiss on your forehead. ‘but i would still prefer to properly ask you out. if you'd say yes, that is.’ 

‘of course i would.’ you smiled, ‘i'd be stupid not to.’

‘should we bet on how long it takes the others to realize we're dating now?’ tsukishima smiled at you, eyes not leaving yours for even a spare second. you laughed at his idea, giving his hand a squeeze. 

‘get ready to lose, kei.’

‘you wish.’

taglist: @moonswolfie

[mattyriddlesbitch]

Sunscreen

Blaise Zabini x F!Reader

Warnings: Kissing, nothing else.

Third week of Jinxed July that @thatdammchickennugget and @finalgirllx are doing.

It was the last few days of your time at Hogwarts. Classes were done. Tests were done. Graduation was tomorrow. A lot of the 7th years decided to play in the lake. You'd never seen everyone get along so well. It wasn't house vs house. No Gryffindor vs Slytherin. No Ravenclaw vs Hufflepuff. Just a bunch of 18 year olds who are excited to graduate and become actual adults.

You played in the lake with everyone for a bit before you took a break, laying on a towel just on the lakeside, basking in the sun, eyes closed.

“Caught you daydreaming about me again, didn't I?” You heard that all too familiar voice say next to you. The voice that flirted with you every chance during classes. The owner of that voice checking you out every time you passed by. The same owner, who touches you every excuse they can get.

“You caught me. I can't help myself.” You said sarcastically, opening your eyes to see Blaise standing over you.

“Sorry, ma. I know I'm just so sexy. You can't take your eyes off of me.” He was smiling at you, sunglasses perched on his nose, drops of water in his hair and, the best part in your opinion, he was shirtless.

“Well, at least you know it.” You said, shamelessly checking him out. Not like you'd probably see him again after graduation. You'd very much like to, though.

“Let me help you put on some sunscreen before you burn up.” He said, kneeling down and pulling out the bottle from your bag by your towel.

“I think that's just an excuse to touch me.” You smiled at him as he squirts the sunscreen in his hand.

“Can you blame me? You look hot, especially in this little bikini. Hard to resist.” He started rubbing the sunscreen on you, starting on your arms.

“You're as shameless as ever.” You chuckled.

“You like it. Makes you feel all good and sexy, huh?” He teased, moving down to your legs.

“Mhm. Shame that I won't get to hear your flirting in a few days.” You said, sighing softly.

“I can still do it everyday if you'd like.” He said, coming back up to rub sunscreen on your chest and stomach.

“How so? Not probable we'll even run into each other.” You looked over at his face.

“It's a simple solution. We can start going out. I can text you everyday how hot you are. Then take you out on dates where I can say it to your face.” He said it like it was such a casual thing to say, like talking about the weather.

“What?” You leaned up on your elbows, looking at him in confusion.

“Come on. I like you. And you definitely like my flirting at least. I've been playing the long game here. Give me a chance.” His hands paused as he looked back at you.

“This was some long scheme to get with me then?” You let out an amused scoff.

“I'm literally on my knees here, baby.” He said with a playful smile.

“Yeah.” You smiled, looking down to where he kneeled on the ground before looking back up at his face. “You're begging then?”

“If that's what it'll take.”

You smiled at him for a moment biting your lip in thought. “Beg then. Say ‘please’.” You said playfully.

He huffed out a chuckle. “You're killing me. Please go out with me, ma. Give me a chance.”

“You didn't even question me. I like that. Alright, I'll give you a chance.” You said, laying back down, closing your eyes again.

“For real?” He asked, sounding like he was in disbelief.

“Yeah, for real.” You chuckled. 

“Fuck, all those years and all it took was a little ‘please’.”

“You never even asked.”

“Let me ask this then-can I kiss you?”

Your eyes shot back open as you looked at him. “Yeah.”

He smiled as he leaned down and kissed you gently, his hands moving to support himself on either side of you. He gave your bottom lip a little nip before pulling back to smile at you.

“Now finish putting on my sunscreen.” You said jokingly.

“Right. Yes, ma'am. Anything for my baby.” You could practically hear the smile in his voice as his hands resumed putting the sunscreen on your stomach.

Taglist:

@jeannie-beannie @yourenogoodforme @mixvchelle @helendeath @evaslytherpuff

@soaked4abby @hpnsfwaddict @mayamonroem @brittney-121 @leovaldezsbitch

@dracoslovergirl @littlemadamred @mattheoriddlesbitch @acornacreacure @opheliamalfoy236

@demieyesore @akira1246 @queenshu @prettypinkprincess15 @starryslytherin0

@jolly4holly @st0n3dbarbi3

Let me know if you wanna be added!

[girlgenius1111]

i can't hide from you like i hide from myself

part 3 of cool about it. reader almost relapses. almost.

tw for mentions of self harm.

Recovery was just as hard as you remembered it; the only difference was that you didn't know how the hell you did it without Alexia the first time. She had kept her promise; she was right there with you, every second of everyday, someone always anticipating what you needed.

The hardest part was getting rid of the guilt you felt; so far, you hadn't struggled with needing to do it again. You were just overcome with shame. You were back in therapy, though, and the necessary adjustments were being made to your medication. Things were looking up. Recovery, though, is evidently not just an upwards slope.

-----

You'd insisted that Alexia go out with her sister and her sister's friends. She'd been by you side constantly, and you knew she needed to get out. You weren't really feeling up to that yet, though, so you assured her you would be fine, and all but shoved her out the door.

In your defense, you hadn't been feeling bad when she'd left. Alright, maybe a little down, but nothing you couldn't handle. You'd had a calm night in, watching TV and catching up on emails. You were doing alright, admittedly excited for Alexia to return home.

The catalyst was a simple nick in the shower; you were shaving your legs, mind on the next day's practice, when you felt a sharp sting. You dragged the blade to the side slightly on accident, and there was a small cut on your shin. You dropped the razor in shock, watching in horror as blood dripped from the wound.

You hadn't done it on purpose. You hadn't. Suddenly, though, all you could think about was doing it on purpose. Somewhere in your panicked brain, you remembered that this was an addiction, like any other addiction. Even if you didn't want to do it for the normal reasons, your body still craved the release.

It would have been so easy to just give in. Alexia wasn't due home for a few hours, and you were already bleeding. You shook your head, trying to clear your thoughts, picking up the razor and chucking it out of the shower, into the sink. You washed the remaining conditioner from your hair, hands shaking, before shutting the water off and climbing out.

You didn't even want to look at the cut on your shin. It was a combination of reminding you of what you'd done just a few weeks ago, and what you desperately wanted to do right now.

You left the bathroom, getting dressed quickly, before forcing yourself to apply some pressure on the cut. It wasn't deep, or serious by any means, but shins had the tendency to bleed a lot, and if you didn't want to drip blood all over your apartment, you had to do something.

Your hands continued to shake as you held a washcloth over the cut, and you felt your control slipping. You were panicking, and you knew what you should do. What you needed to do. Without letting yourself think too hard, you grabbed your phone off the bed, sitting down on the ground. You clicked Alexia's contact, reminding yourself that she wanted you to call her, she'd told you to call her.

"Hola mi amor! Everything alright?" She asked, clearly trying to mask her alarm at the call from you.

"Yeah, um. I mean, no. I'm sorry. Can you come home? I need you." You said weakly. Alexia's tone shifted instantly, and you heard her tell someone, presumably her sister, that she had to go, before she was speaking to you again.

"Of course, mi amor, I'm leaving right now, I'll be there in 5 minutes. Stay on the phone with me, vale?" She said, and you let out a hum of agreement. She didn't ask you to explain, or ask you what was wrong. She knew that you needed her, and that was enough for her to speed home. The sound of her breathing over the line was enough to keep you grounded, until you heard her shut the car door behind her, rushing up into the house. "I'm coming up, okay? Where are you?"

"Bedroom." You mumbled. You were really starting to panic now, head spinning with anxiety. You heard the front door open and close, and Alexia's fast footsteps as she rushed towards the bedroom. She threw the door open, her phone forgotten in her hand, as her eyes frantically searched for you. The minute her eyes met yours, and flew down to your leg, you realized what it looked like.

"Oh, mi amor," she sighed, and you couldn't help but feel like she was disappointed in you.

"It wasn't on purpose, Ale, I promise, it was an accident," you told her frantically. She moved to sit down next to you, moving your hand away from your shin as she inspected the cut.

"Okay." she said, believing you. Still, you insisted, not really hearing her response.

"I was shaving and the razor slid, I promise, I didn't do it on purpose, Alexia," you cried, and it sounded like you were begging her to believe you. With her free hand, she cupped your cheek, shushing you.

"I believe you, mi amor, it's alright. I'm here, and everything is fine," she told you soothingly. You were still panicking, though, still completely distraught, eyes glued to your shin.

"Look at me, bonita, eyes up here," she said, drawing your attention away from the cut. She gripped your chin gently, holding your gaze there. "Deep breath in, with me," she told you, exaggerating a deep breath. You stumbled over another inhale, but Alexia's attention stayed on you, reminding you when to breathe in and out.

With her help, you managed to calm down. After a minute of following Alexia's breathing, you opened your mouth. You had to be honest, you had to tell her the truth, before you lost your nerve.

"It wasn't on purpose," you said again, and Alexia looked at you sympathetically, nodding her head. "I almost did though, after. I almost did it again," you told her brokenly.

"Okay, mi niña. You didn't though; you called me instead," she reminded you. "You asked for help when it would have been easy not to, and I am so proud of you, bebe," Alexia insisted. You looked at her uncertainly.

"I shouldn't have freaked out, though, I don't know why I did," you reasoned, not really prepared to except her praise. Alexia shook her head, though.

"No, amor, that's not true. What happened before was traumatic, and this was something so similar to that experience; it makes sense that this was really upsetting to you." She sounded so sure, so convinced, you couldn't help but internalize her words, just a little.

"I'm sorry you had to leave dinner," you told her quietly, still feeling incredibly guilty.

"Don't be sorry. I want you to call me when you need me, no matter what I'm doing," she replied. Her words made you feel so loved, but at the same time, you felt so unworthy of that love.

"You're too good to me. I don't deserve you," you mumbled attempting to slightly farther from her. She reached out to stop your movements, lips pursed in dissatisfaction. She hated that you didn't see yourself the way she did; that you didn't recognize that every hard moment was worth it, because the good you brought her was unmeasurable.

"You deserve good, y/n. You deserve everything good. Even when it's hard to accept, even when you don't feel like it. You always deserve to be treated with love, and care, and patience," she paired her words with an arm wrapped around your shoulder, pulling you to lean against her chest, until you were enveloped by her soft sweater, by her comforting scent. "I'd sit with you here for as long as you need me. I love you, and I'm always going to love you, even when you don't feel like you deserve it," she promised.

You tried to burn her words into your memory. You didn't want to ever forget them. Not the way she said them, her chest vibrating under your ear, or the way she spoke slowly, wanting you to hear every sentence.

Leaning up, you softly kissed Alexia's pillowy lips. It was slow, and somehow meaningful. It communicated how thankful you were for her words, for how patient she was with you. She kissed you back, cradling your face like it was breakable, lips moving against yours perfectly. You broke apart after a minute, and you looked up at her, at the adorable way she her eyes crinkled slightly when they met yours.

'Thank you for being here," you said.

"Always," she replied, without hesitation. She'd promised it before, but something about this time was different. You believed her.

-----

soft alexia <3

[unmaskingdisability]

So you want to die (but shouldn't do that)

A list of ways I force myself to keep going even when my entire body is on fire & my brain feels like it's going through a cheese grater

MAKE A PLAN WITH SOMEONE YOU ACTUALLY LIKE - Not a friend you have to gear yourself up to hang out with. A good friend, that will cost low spoons, and plan to do something you enjoy. Nothing extravagant that requires a lot of energy, and it doesn't even have to be in the imminent future. Make a dinner plan for next week and think about that lilac lemonade you've been wanting to make for them. Make a plan to hang out later this month and watch anime with your friend that's good at bullshitting and making you laugh. You won't want to do this when you can't imagine leaving your bed. Do it anyways.

DRAG YOUR EXHAUSTED ASS OUTSIDE - Dress in as many layers as you need or just wrapped in a blanket. Wear sunglasses and headphones if you need. Don't force yourself to do anything, except being outside for at least a few minutes. Sometimes it's cold and wet and all I can handle is walking out for a minute. Sometimes it's warmer and pleasant and now I'm exhausted slumped in the sun or under a pine tree instead of in a dark dirty (mine is anyways bc of the wanting to die and pain) room

VENT - Look I'm the master hypocrite. I run a disability group and I still haven't told pretty much anyone in my life I had to quit my job after my body broke down too far too fast. I advocate emotional vulnerability all day and will legitimately enact it constantly, about everything except how fucking miserable and hopeless and depressed and in pain and scared I am. You don't want to tell anyone because you're convinced they already hate you or are about to leave. I'm not gonna say you need to get over that tonight. But you gotta get it out of your head and your muscles and your body. You've gotta write or draw or splash paint (I will literally fingerpaint just colors sometimes) or hack up invasive plants or make poetry or cry to the person you do feel comfortable talking to. You've gotta get it out You've gotta get it out and also! If being honest about your life and difficulties does push people away fuck them!! Community is everything and that's something they never were, so it's space for something real

GO SOMEWHERE NEW AND BEAUTIFUL - This is one of the hardest things to do when depressed, but if helps so much when you can get yourself somewhere new & exciting and show your brain good things are still happening. For me, this looks like going to a new park, or science/art museum, or to see some pretty lights strung up for the holidays. Nowhere so crowded or busy it'll be too overwhelming, you just need to show your brain everything isn't awful static and get some dopamine pumping.

I'll keep adding to this because I'm full of too much spite and exhaustion and reluctant extreme caring so much to leave you all alone in this shithole

[asena-graywolf]

Sex Sessions

That evening, you decided to focus on a problem you had been experiencing for a long time. Nishinoya, your boyfriend of 3 years, also agreed with you. You have been together for a long time, but you have never had a sexual conversation or relationship with each other until now. Even though you didn't think of including this in your relationship at first, the lust urge inside both of you was preventing this.

You had absolutely no experience. However, you had no idea whether Nishinoya was experienced or not. It would be helpful if she had never had sex experience before. Because he would have his first sexual experience with you. Even though you wanted to ask him this, you completely gave up asking because you thought your boyfriend might be hurt by this question.

You and Nishinoya had talked about this issue last week and decided that you had to start having sexual intercourse somewhere. Nishinoya was ready for this job yesterday. But you had a strange hesitation and fear. In your first experience, you were afraid that something would go wrong, you would get hurt, and you would regret it later.

Of course, these were just bad scenarios. You were relieved that the chances of it happening weren't very high. You took a deep breath and directed your gaze to the ceiling. While you were watching the ceiling of your room, you heard your phone vibrating on the nightstand next to your bed.

You took your phone in your hand. There was a video call from Nishinoya. You couldn't understand why he was making a video call at this hour. He usually didn't make video calls at night. Still, you were dying to see your boyfriend's cute face, so you picked up the phone.

Within a few seconds, Nishinoya's image on your phone screen cleared and he greeted you with his sweet smile.

''Hello sweetie! How's it going?''

It was obvious that she had just come out of the bathroom, as his hair was wet and had gone down unlike usual. He had a towel around his shoulders and was wearing a worn-out white T-shirt.

"Oh! Just a second!" you said and immediately took your headset and plugged it into your phone, then placed it in your ear. Now only you could hear your boyfriend's voice.

You didn't want your parents to wake up to the sound of your voice and come and check on you. So you didn't take any chances. Otherwise you would be deprived of your boyfriend's handsome face

“Noya? You wouldn't call at this hour. What's up? Did something happen?''

''None. I just missed you. "I wanted to see your face." Then he gave you his usual smile.

You responded the same way

''I miss you too. "Do you want to do something after practice tomorrow?"

Looks like you were thinking the same thing at the same time

"I was going to talk to you about this. Shall we meet at the material warehouse after the game tomorrow?

The material warehouse was not a preferred place for meetings. Therefore, although you were a little surprised by this offer, your boyfriend later made the necessary explanation.

"I know this may sound weird, but I thought it was the ideal place for our first sexual experience."

You shuddered as if something cold had flowed down through you. “A-But…why?”

''Don't worry!I won't push you too hard."

“Nice but, Noya… I haven't prepared myself for this yet. So I have to say it was a bit sudden for me.”

"Come come, baby. I thought we had this covered. How long will we keep on like this? We have to start somewhere. Don't worry, I won't push you too much. I guess I'm not going to suddenly do something that will hurt you."

''I know. I trust you but you know my problem is with myself. "I'm inevitably nervous because it's my first time doing something like this."

"There's nothing to worry about, I'll try every way to comfort you," he said, grinning at your image on the screen.

"Okay, okay. Oh I'm excited already"

Nishinoya took advantage of your excitement and thought you could do a little rehearsal in front of the camera.

"I'm as excited as you. Y/n, while we're on video, can't we at least try something to get you used to it?"

"Like what?" you asked as you heard your heart beat faster and felt your blood heating up.

After saying "Watch and see", he lowered the camera a little so that his body was visible and rolled up his white T-shirt to his chest.

The prominent muscles on his abdomen were revealed. You've noticed him taking off his shirt in the living room a few times, but you haven't had the chance to see him this closely. For as long as you can remember, Nishinoya's muscular body has been impressing you. Despite his short stature, no one else had the abs he had.

"Oh my God! "I want to touch your muscles," you said quite eagerly.

Nishinoya covered his stomach and stuck his tongue out at you, grinning

"Come and lick me baby. "I taste like honey"

You laughed with each other

'I'm sure it is. "I would sacrifice anything to touch those muscles"

"Can you show me too?"

Your cheeks turned red involuntarily.

“What?” you asked curiously and a little nervously.

"I don't know, any part of your body. This could be our warm-up lap. "If we start seeing each other's bodies, it will be easier for us to get used to it."

“Oh, I'm not so sure about this, but…” you said, a little worried.

"Come on, don't be shy! I didn't want you to show your genitals directly," he said, trying to keep you as calm as he could.

"Okay" you agreed

After saying "Wait", you slid down the bed a little and positioned the camera to show your entire body.

You rolled up your pajamas but were a little shy to show your breasts.

''Come on baby! You have a very nice body. I want to see those beautiful boobs.”

Your face turned red as you said, "But Noya…"

''Come on! You can do it," he encouraged you.

After agreeing by saying "Okay", you rolled up your pajama top up to your neck.

Your large and full boobs were visible to Nishinoya. You could clearly see that he was drooling as soon as he saw your boobs

''Wow! God I don't believe it! The sexiest boobs I've ever seen in my life! Like grapes. Big and plump. I'm sure it tastes great too. "I want to bite those beautiful boobs"

"Come on and bite" you made fun of your boyfriend by saying

"I'll bite you until I'm bruised."

Nishinoya was assertive about this

"My wild baby. Should I breastfeed you? Would you like it?"

You grasped the tip of your breast with two fingers and showed it to him.

"I want to drink your sweet milk, beauty," he said and licked his lips hungrily.

"Do you know what you did to me?" he continued, making you curious.

"What did I do?" you asked curiously.

He moved the camera downwards. He was only wearing his boxers and you could spot his penis through his boxers. It was obvious that he had hardened and stood up.

"Thanks to you, my dick was attached. Oh y/n, what did you do to that? You are so sexy. Why didn't I think of fucking you all this time?''

"I don't believe it Noya! How impatient you are. If just seeing a pair of boobs gets your dick going, we have a lot more work to do with you."

He positioned the camera back on his face. Now you were looking face to face again

After saying "I have a lot of work to do with you too", he yawned and covered his yawning mouth with his free hand.

Your boyfriend's yawning made you sleepy too.

''I feel sleepy. Otherwise, believe me, I would love to keep on. Anyway, see you at the supply depot after practice tomorrow.”

''I'm excited already. "See you later, honey," you said and waved at you.

''I love you.Good night''

After saying "I love you too", you hung up the phone and put it back in its place.

You fell asleep thinking about how impressed Nishinoya was with your breasts and what you would do tomorrow.

The next day, after school and after training, you met at the gym's equipment warehouse, as agreed. Nishinoya locked the door from the inside.

"Baby, I'm a little sweaty. You wouldn't be disgusted, would you?"

''No. "I would never be disgusted with you," you answered confidently.

After saying "I'm glad about that", he smiled happily with the answer he received.

''Yes. What are we doing? Where do we start?''

Nishinoya put his hands on his hips

"We will continue where we left off yesterday"

"How so?" you wondered.

“You managed to lift my dick last night… today you will suck it with your beautiful lips. I'll teach you how to suck a dick. "If you are successful, I will lick you afterwards."

You were excited. You were going to see your boyfriend's dick for the first time and experience sex for the first time.

''I didn't think about getting into it the first time. "I thought it might be a more enjoyable start if we started with licking."

“You thought well,” you confirmed to your boyfriend.

“Okay now…you will follow my orders to the letter. "Like I said, if you're successful, there's a reward afterward."

''I agree''

''Ok. Then kneel down"

You did what he said. You obediently knelt in front of him. Nishinoya took a step closer to you

Just as he was about to pull down his shorts, you intervened.

"I can help you if you want"

"Are we impatient?" she mocked you.

"Well then, put it down" he said and allowed you to pull down his shorts. You grabbed both sides of his shorts and pulled them down. As soon as you pulled it down, his thick and long dick popped out erect.

"Oh! God is so much bigger than I thought. "It's like a big candy bar."

“Then start licking this candy bar, baby. Come on, come closer. Feel free''

"But, Noya?"

Nishinoya was getting impatient now

''What happened again?''

“I…well. Is it okay if I close my eyes while sucking?"

“I would love for you to look at me with those eyes. That's a shame''

"Please, this is my first time. Try to make do for now. I promise, next time I'll open my eyes"

"Okay, whatever you want. But now put this in your mouth. "I'm starting to get angry!" he said as he grabbed the back of your head and pulled you closer to him.

"Open your mouth!" he ordered you sternly.

While you opened your mouth a little, he immediately inserted his dick into your mouth.

"Suck it!"

You closed your eyes, holding Nishinoya's big and thick cock with one hand. You wet the tip with your tongue and then, while pumping the dick you held at the base back and forth, you started licking the part you took into your mouth by moving your head back and forth.

Nishinoya was holding your head tightly and pulling you towards him. After a while he started to push you. You were having a hard time taking the entire huge dick into your mouth. You were out of breath.

You were careful not to gag or vomit, but you couldn't say you could hold it back for long.

You were afraid of falling out of favor with Nishinoya if you threw up the first time.

To forget the feeling of vomiting, you decided to pleasure your pussy as it licked Nishinoya's cock. Your wetness had seeped into your panties. You put your hand under your skirt and then you dipped your fingers into your panties and started rubbing your clit, feeling your wet pussy.

''Wow! So you know how to enjoy it, baby"

Nishinoya was pleased with the way you pleasured yourself. Nishinoya urged you to increase your speed a little more. He held both sides of your head tightly and suddenly pressed himself against himself. You gagged and made strange sounds because you took his entire dick into your mouth.

''Open your eyes y/n! "I want you to look at me while experiencing this pleasure."

Nishinoya had become aggressive. He insisted when he saw that you couldn't open your eyes.

''Y/N! "Open your eyes, I tell you!"

He slapped your cheek lightly. It didn't hurt you, but your cheek was slightly red.

You opened your eyes to avoid making him angry even more. He gripped your chin tightly and forced your eyes to look at him.

"I'm about to cum, I want you to look at me while I cum"

You nodded and continued licking. At the same time, you continued to caress your pussy. It was only a matter of time before you both orgasmed. Nishinoya started to push you harder as he neared ejaculation. You were turning red from breathlessness.

"Come on slut! Make me cum!”

This time, he grabbed your hair tightly and pressed you to himself, while he squirted all his semen into your mouth. The head of his cock had reached almost all the way into your esophagus. His hot semen burned your throat. When you took his dick out of your mouth, you coughed and then vomited, spitting out all the sperm in your mouth.

"Jeez! I am sorry. "I think I must have pushed you too hard because I got carried away."

After cleaning himself up, Nishinoya put his shorts back on and leaned over next to you, touching your shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked you.

You looked at him with pink creamy liquid overflowing from your mouth.

"I actually saw his aggressive and cruel side for the first time. “Are you always this cruel and harsh when it comes to sex?” you asked.

''Not always. Since this was a first for me, I was just a little carried away, that's all. I didn't hurt you too much, did I? After all, I made you vomit."

“Absolutely not. This was very enjoyable. "Now that I've achieved this, I'm looking forward to you licking me."

"We won't do that here."

''Why?''

'Come to me tomorrow evening. I'll be home alone anyway. "I want us to reach the peaks of pleasure together in our comfortable bed."

You stood up

''Ok. Obviously then. I'm looking forward to tomorrow"

''Me too. But before that, we'd better both clean up. You're not thinking of going out like this, are you?"

“Of course not,” you responded with a laugh.

''Great. Then wait, I'll get you a towel."

----------------------------------------------------

It will be continue in Part 2

[cattimeswithjellie]

The New Life Series is Just For Me

I have decided that the new Life Series getting started, with all its attendant hype and excitement, is a gift specifically made for me. Maybe it's from the players, maybe it's from the universe, I'm not gonna look a gift Life Series in the mouth, it just is.

Cause you see, there was this hurricane and it took my whole world and shook it like a little kid with a can of Sprite and a vendetta against upholstery, with the similar results of everything being wet and kind of unpleasantly coated and smelly afterwards. Don't get me wrong, I'm super lucky! Compared to what some people near us went through, losing my carefully stocked up freezers and having both my jobs end abruptly and needing to wipe ick off half the surfaces in my moisture-riddled basement is basically nothing. We only lost power for five days! But it has been kind of crappy and stressful these past few weeks and I have really needed something to occupy my mind because volunteering and trying to prove to people on Facebook that your town is not, in fact, a lawless hellscape abandoned by the government because someone on television told them so will only get you so far.

And so... NEW LIFE SERIES! Suddenly I'm not out of work, I'm on a sabbatical to more properly immerse myself in the fandom! Suddenly there is so much to talk about besides where to get bottled water and doesn't it suck that every night is a little colder! Suddenly I can take a few hours and just have everything be good-normal again. I can feel my blood pressure dropping already. So I'll say a preemptive thanks to all of my fandom friends who are already sharpening their pencils and cleaning crumbs from their keyboards, because I absolutely cannot wait for what comes next. Let's gooooooooo!

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 11

♡ Chapter Inspo: Song Lyrics; State Of Grace - Red(TV) TS "And I never saw you coming, and I'll never be the same"

♡♡》》𝟙𝟠+ 𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕐 𝔽𝕀ℂ! ℕ𝕆 𝕄𝕀ℕ𝕆ℝ𝕊 𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔻《《♡♡

♡ Summary: Carm goes to see Winnie after a long day at work, Winnie discovers that famous chefs like Carmy have fans & she introduces him to the world of fandom. They have a chat about BDSM and possibly exploring it more.

♡ W/C: 8,384

♡ Posted Date: 03/07/2024

♡ A/N: Helloooo all!! FIRST Just so y'all know for the story - Winnie is like 4'11 on a good day, Carmy/JAW is like 5'7/5'8 - so that's why Winnie seems so 'small' , they really have a normal height difference for a couple lol JAW is a short king. Anywho I saw a post abt. how there are actually fanfics for famous chefs and stuff and I looked it up- it is totally true!!! Loves it, So of course it inspired this chapter hehehe I feel like Carm would totally be an old man and not even KNOW what fanfic is but Winnie is a professional fangirl. Also - I am currently watching TS in Singapore & DBATCxBabe?!?!?!? IM SCREAMING!! Dead dead gone!! I predicted thissss heheheheh

♡ Warnings for BTC: Smutsmutsmut, BDSM talk, OH period sex (sowwy ik some people don't like that but u can skip and winniexcarm will be back next week with some fluffy goodness) getting lazy w these warnings but if you've made it this far in the fic nothing will trigger you i've already gotten most the triggering shit outta the way.

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

When I heard a light knock at my door, I giddily jumped up from my comfy nest in bed I’d created for myself and dashed over, opening the door right away and Carmy dropped his hand away from the peephole, smirking. 

“And what if I was a killer this time, did you even look?” he stepped in the doorway, wrapping his arms around my waist and his hands sliding down to squeeze my bum gently.

I laughed a bit, wrapping my arms around his middle, crossing my fingers, and draping my arms around him lightly. “I guess I was so excited to see you I’d have been dead, kisses now” I puckered my lips up and closed my eyes expectantly. 

“Mmm…I’m expecting my test to be aced next time I come over yeah?” he pecks my lips sweetly and I open my eyes, furrowing my brows a bit before giggling.

“Test” I repeated, “You’re testing me?” I rested my forehead against his, gazing into the blue eyes I’d missed so much even though it’d only been 8 hours since I’d seen him last. 

“Y’can’t open up the door without checkin’, baby. This is a decent area- but Chicago is fuckin’ nuts” he nudged the door closed with his foot and tightened his grip on my waist slightly, the feeling of the calouses over his fingers causing goosebumps to rise over my flesh..

“Fine, but only cause I’m sooo obedient..for you” I pulled him into another kiss, wrapping my fingers in his frizzy curls and humming happily. I ran my tongue over his, enjoying the taste of tobacco and the minty gum he must have gotten rid of just before he got here. I feel his tense muscles relax slightly under my touch as I gently scratched my nails against his scalp. We made out for a few heavenly minutes, our noses bumping sweetly, him running his hands up my waist to my lower back, rubbing soft, soothing strokes back and forth.

He pulled away slightly, causing my eyes to flutter open and find his gaze. “Hm?” I questioned and he smiled a bit.

“I uh- I smell like work, I need to shower, honey” he kissed my forehead tenderly, his lips lingering for a sweet moment. 

I buried my face in his neck, inhaling deep and dramatically, letting out a satisfied hum which made him laugh, his chest shaking with movement.. “Mmmm…you smell soo good I love the way you smell Carmy, a little kitcheny, but still you,” I mumble into his shirt and he rubs up my back, his nails brushing over my ribs..

“You are fuckin’ weird babe,” he said, causing me to giggle and look up at him, resting my chin where it met his sternum and gazing up at him with a cheeky grin.

“Better get used to it, go and shower, pretty-boy- I can give you a massage after and everything if ya want. And I promise I’ll control myself this time” I said, pulling away with a step back. “Maybe” I added and he chuckled, grabbing his backpack from where he dropped it on the floor and heading to the bathroom.

“We both know you have shown little self-control around me while shirtless” he nudged it open, zipping open his backpack and dropping his usual grey sweatpants and boxers on the bathroom counter before tossing the bag on the floor. 

I gasp playfully at his accusation, “I’m Sorry- are you calling me thirsty?” I stood in the doorway, arms crossed with a playful grin.

He hummed and shrugged, turning on the shower and tugging his hoodie off, and undershirt as well. Of course, I watched- what male-attracted person wouldn’t watch him undress if given the chance? 

He brushes his hair back from the ruffling of the fabric, turning to pull the shower curtain open and I got the stellar show of watching his toned muscles flex beneath his skin as he does so. 

He reached down, unbuckling his belt, the metal buckle jingling as he pulled it off with one long tug, an action that had me readjusting my stance in the doorway to ease the now pulsing ache between my thighs. 

He unbuttoned his jeans, pulling the zipper down casually, and stepped towards the door, breaking my trance. “Mmhm…thirsty” he said softly with a smirk, pecking my lips before shutting the door in my face.I scoffed, blinking a few times in surprise and my cheeks going hot at the very true accusation. 

“Oh wow! Wow! A girl can’t enjoy free eye candy in her own damn house in which she pays the bills!?” I called through the door as I headed to my room with a smile, hearing him chuckle a bit. 

I laid back on my bed, opening my phone and going back to my scrolling on Tik Tok. It was about 10 minutes of senseless scrolling while listening to the water run- before, for some strange reason, I had the urge to click the search button and type in Carmy’s name. 

It felt…a little creepy. But- I pushed the shame off telling myself its normal to want to see someone you’re seeing’s social media, so I decided to feed that little voice in my mind telling me it was a good idea. 

And boy was it a great idea. 

The first 20 or so videos were absolute fan-cams of Carmen from different interviews he’d done for different events, award shows, etc. and the comments were absolutely filthy- and also spoke to my very soul for the way he made me feel..

‘Oh- I KNOW it’s big- FS fs!!’

‘I need him in a way thats concerning to feminism- like..strip my rights away’

‘He seems SO unhinged&crazy abt his craft…I NEED him’

‘Chef- more like DADDY’

‘You KNOW he's ripped, look at the armsss- and the HANDS?! NEED EM AROUND MY MF THROAT!!!’

Each comment i’d read I was giggling more, but then- an even better thought popped into my mind, if theres fancams… There has to be fanfiction.

 I nearly sprained a thumb opening my Tumblr app and typing in his name in the search bar. I giggled maniacally as if I just struck gold about 5 minutes later of digging through reposts of photoshoots he’d done fore magazines that I was amazed he didnt post on his personal instagram- when I struck the first one. 

Little gasps and giggles left my lips as I continued to read through the post. Being honest with myself, I wasn’t giggling at the people posting- I was giggling because I knew Carm doesn’t have a clue about this- and I can not wait to see the look on his face when I tell him about it.

I was so engulfed in the story of some fantasy someone had about Carm roughly fucking them in over the counter in the kitchen, giggling at the idea, that I hadn’t even heard the shower water cut off.

 I wish we could do that in the kitchen after everything was closed - but truth be told, Carmy is way too shy for public stuff, at least right now. But damn- after he leaves me in the mornings? I should be reading up on his tumblr tag for ideas because holy fuck- these bitches are filthy whores in the best way.

The bathroom door clicks open and he flicked off the bathroom light. “What’s all the gigglin’ out here missy?” he asked amusedly, coming over to now his side of the bed. I looked up to see him shirtless, clad in the light grey sweatpants I’d come to love so much that hung low off of his toned hips. 

“Uh-” I said, the meer view of him completely erasing all previous thoughts from my brain. Fuck his curls are so much more pronounced when they’re wet, it drives me nuts. No wonder his chest is so curly…

“TikTok?” he asks when I don’t reply, instead just admiring his frame, kneeling on the mattress and getting in bed next to me and he sees the Tumblr app open with a screen full of text. “Readin’ then, baby?” he asks now, and I realize I still hadn’t said anything, my focus on the little curly patch of hair that adorned the middle of his chest.

“Everyone wants to fuck you” I said the first thing that came to my mind, my eyes flickering to his finally, and he laughed. His head fell back on the headboard, eyes crinkling up in amusement adorably. 

“What?” he asked, poking my side playfully. “Who wants to fuck me? I haven’t gotten any offers as of late other than you, of course” he snorts and pushed his wet curls back off his forehead.

“N-no you’re like…famous, Carm, like- alot of people want to fuck famous chef’s.. I didn’t realize it before but it’s like..a kink? I guess? Like.. how I wanna fuck winged dudes, but some girls ultimate kink is a super sexy, awarded, top of the line chef ” I giggled and his eyebrows raised, a smirk forming on his lips.

“A kink?” he shakes his head amusedly, rolling his eyes lightly. “And who told you this baby. Sadie?” he asked and it was my turn to laugh.

“No! No, It was me, I figured it out… have- have you not looked yourself up on TikTok? People like, they make fancams with the interviews you’ve done at those um- the James Beard award things for the last few years? And the other interviews about how you’ve come up that you did back in New York..they’re like- people want you, Carm, really- like, you have these bitches pussys meowing.” I said with a giggle, smiling wide as a blush crept to his cheeks.

“The fuck is a fancam?” he asks, causing me to giggle.

“You are such an old man sometimes, you know that right?” I pecked his lips and he squeezed my cheeks when I try to pull away, smushing my lips into a dramatic pout.

“I’m only three years older than you, you know that right?” he said and kissed my lips once more before letting me go.

I laugh at his firmness on the matter. “Three years closer to 30, mister 27 and 24, 2 very different check points” I teased and went back to my tik tok likes. His eyebrows raised as he leaned in, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me closer when he saw my last 13 likes in the previews contained his face.

“Should I be scared?” He mumbled into my neck with a soft chuckle, his minty breath hitting my senses.

“Mmm…Knowing you you’re gonna be all flustered, especially by the comments” I said, clicking on the first one. I smiled as I watched, “Look at that sexy little chef” I teased and he pinched my waist playfully as ‘Serpentine’ by The Gorillaz played in the background.

“S’what- people just like, look at me with music? Wait- why-why does it keep cutting to pictures of my hands from that article?” he questions, causing me to laugh and bury my face in the pillow at his pure obliviousness. “Hey! Tell me do I have weird hands?” he asks causing me to giggle harder. 

“Carmen oh my god!” I catch my breath. “You are so oblivious to your hotness, its adorable. No babe, no. Everyone is turned on by your hands, your hands are like…girlporn.” I explained, and his eyebrows raised in confusion, his cheeks bright pink.

“Girlporn.” he repeats, and I nodded enthusiastically with an amused smile.

 “I don’t believe that- I think y’re all makin’ fun of my hands, open the comments” he said and I roll my eyes playfully, obliging and reading some of my favorites out loud.

“Wow- these girls get me, Carm. ‘I know its big’ , ‘I need those hands around my neck-oops.’, ‘do you think he’s as passionate in bed as he is about the kitchen?’ oooo- I wanna reply and say yes to that one” I giggle and he takes my phone from my hand, scrolling. The light on his face accentuated his blush and he bit his lip in concentration as he scrolls.

“Who are all these people” he muttered to himself, causing me to laugh a bit. 

“Your fanclub baby, I told you - people love you, and they love what you do and the passion you have for it” I kiss his shoulder gently. “You haven't even read the fanfiction yet” I giggled into his skin and he looks down at me, offering the phone back quickly. 

“Show” he ordered, and I laughed. “Seriously, honey! Show! I’m frankly a little freaked out.” he said and I took the phone, going back to Tumblr.

“Babe, its nothing to be afraid of, they’re just horny 20-somethings like we are. And you’re like- mega famous? You’re like….Like- the Harry Styles of chefs! Of course like every bitch in culinary school is gonna be after your dick” I said, causing him to laugh.

“Oh my god- you really are something. C’mon, Read to me, about me- er how people think I am?” he chuckled and got comfy in bed, wrapping his arms around my waist and snuggling me into his chest. 

“Mmm so I’m your personal book slash fanfiction reader now?” I said teasingly, resting my head back against his chest and he kissed the top of my head sweetly. 

“Mhmm, and we can stay up as late as we want, I have tomorrow off” he said and I gasped happily, looking up at him with stars of pure joy in my eyes.

“You are?” I squeak with a broad smile and he beamed at my excitement, kissing my lips tenderly and resting his forehead on mine. 

“Mmmhmm, all y’rs t’morrow babygirl, you workin’?” he asked and I withered a bit, realizing I did, in fact, have obligations tomorrow.

“No- well…kinda, I have therapy at 1, and then I have the rest of the day, but my sessions are 3 hours.” I said my eyes fluttering to his lips before meeting his again. 

“Good girl” he said softly before kissing my lips dearly. My tummy flutters, and I feel warmth rush to my core at the name. He doesn’t know how much praise like that does to me. 

I delicately run my fingers through his damp curls, opening my mouth for him and humming in satisfaction at the minty taste that flares across my tongue almost instantly. I looped a curl around my finger absentmindedly, relishing in the taste of him. 

I interlaced our legs together, so every bit of possible flesh was being touched by him, soothingly running my calf along his. He huffs a small laugh into my mouth before pulling away. 

“Are we close enough now baby?” He kissed my jaw gently and nuzzled his face in my neck. I smiled wide, interlocking the fingers of my free hand with his. 

“Nope” I respond jokingly. Abruptly, I was being rolled over on top of him with one swift motion, only needing one of his arms to flip me like a ragdoll. I squeak in surprise, catching myself by straddling his hips with my thighs tightly and wrapping my arms around his middle, my phone lost someplace in the mass disarray of the blankets. 

“There we go angel, can’t be closer.” he said, pleased at his work. He wrapped his arms around my back and tucked his hands under my shirt, rubbing long strokes over my skin. 

“Mmm” I said happily, comfortably tucking my icy hands between his warm muscular back and the mattress “sooo warm” I said, giggling a bit when I sense him shiver slightly at the contact. 

“Jesus babe. Why the fuck are y’r hands so cold” he murmured, gently grazing my back with his short nails causing my eyes to flutter shut in ecstasy

I sighed softly in appreciation “keep doin’ that bear, it feels really good” I expressed, nuzzling my face in the crook of his neck comfortably. 

“Course babygirl” he said tranquily, causing a small smile to form on my lips. 

“I love it when you call me names…” I said calmly into his skin, gently kissing his neck. 

“I love it when you call me Bear” he replied lightly, squeezing my hip with the free hand that wasn’t doing the scratching. 

 “Good cause I love calling you Bear, it fits you, baby.” I kissed his jaw adoringly before sitting up slightly, resting my hands on his chest for support. 

“Alexa, lights out bitch.” I said loud enough for the speaker to pick up, before laying back down. 

“Okay, lights out, bitch.” The speaker replied before my tv shut off, as well as my lamps, the only glow in the room being my soft fairy lights. I feel Carms chuckle beneath me and I look down at him. 

“I can’t with you..Y’re not gettin’ out of reading that to me, y’know. I wanna know what people think I’m like” he said and I roll my eyes with a smile. 

“Fine- but I was only sparing you, a lot of the stuff they wrote is really filthy and I know you’re kinda shy” I settle back on his chest, holding my phone to the right of his shoulder where I could see. 

“Now I’m really interested” he snorts and I roll my eyes. 

“This one, is called Yes, Chef” I whispered the title in his ear seductively and nibbled at his earlobe, giggling when I felt his palm come down on my ass in a gentle spank. 

“Cut it with the theatrics and read, honey” he said with a smile 

“Okay! Ok fine. Here’s the summary; ‘Valerie is a 20 year old college student, who got a summer job as a food runner at Chicagos finest restaurant- The Bear, with world famous chef prodigy Carmen Berzatto, things got hot and heavy on her first day in the kitchen.’ ”

I read and he snorts a laugh. “Wow ok so firstly- she can’t even drink, way too young for me, and second- her first day?! Jesus people must think I’m a fuckin’ douchebag. The prodigy thing was a nice touch though.” he said simply and I giggled. 

“Just wait. It’s not supposed to be like…realistic. It’s only a fantasy.” I explained and started reading. A few paragraphs in when it started to hit the plot point, he interrupts. 

“Okay- what?” He laughs and I look up at him, an amused smile on his lips.

“Have you ever seen me wear rings in the kitchen? Ever?” He questions, raising his eyebrows. 

“Oh my godddd” I groaned dramatically, giggling into his chest. “Carmy! Fantasy. The rings have purpose, just wait.” I said and he rolled his eyes, leaning down and kissing the top of my head. 

“Fine. Continue, but this isn’t realistic. Rings are so unsanitary baby I’d never wear them in the kitchen” he rubs over my back gently. 

I continued on getting through a few more paragraphs before my sneaky eyes betrayed me, reading slightly ahead “ooo this is where it gets really good babe. ‘I could barely reply, and he must’ve known that because he lets out an almost mocking laugh, and growls in my ear “like that mm? Little slut loves getting filled out by her boss on her first day?” he spanks me so hard the sound bounces off the walls, and I’m sure there will be a bruise-“ 

“Okay woah- I’d never hit you that hard what the fuck” he said, a bit shocked causing me to giggle. 

“Why not?” I look up at him and his eyebrows furrow in concern. 

“You want me to hit you during sex?” He questioned, his hands going still on my back. I shrug a bit, thinking it over. 

“I’m more of a praise person, but if degradation like that gets you off- I think it’s hot. But…scenes like that where it’s all rough- it’s pretty emotionally draining. I’d just need more aftercare.” I said softly, gently tracing over the triangle on his chest with my forefinger absentmindedly as I spoke. 

“Like…BDSM? You’re into that?” He asked and I put my phone down, nodding a bit. 

“Yeah..I mean- yeah. You aren’t?” I asked, slightly anxious for the answer. 

It didn’t bother me if Carm only wanted to have the same vanilla-esc sex we’d been having, but I would be much more fulfilled sexually if he would try more daring things out with me. 

“I-I’ve never um…done it. Like- not…not anything real like- spanking, sure- but I’ve heard it’s like a whole…culture of stuff, and I don’t- I don’t really understand it.” He said quietly, his cheeks going pink. 

I smiled a bit, leaning in and kissing his lips tenderly, gently cupping his cheeks and rubbing my thumbs along his stubble. Had he even went home, or did he come straight back here? My heart fluttered at the idea of him being so excited to get back to me, he didn’t even bother stopping at home.

“We can learn what you like, together baby.” I said softly when I pulled away, gently stroking his cheekbone with my thumb. 

“What do you like?” He asked, equally as quiet as he gazed into my eyes. I could see all the curiosity behind his icy blues, and it almost made me giddy that I was the one who got to properly introduce him to this world. 

“The part of BDSM I like, is more psychological control than physical. I do like bondage, I love breath play, impact play is a maybe. I like being spanked, I’ve thought about belt play for sure - but I do not want you to slap me across the face or shove me around in like… a mean way. But what really turns me on is the dom-sub dynamic outside the bedroom. I’ve never had like- a real dom but I’ve wanted one. A soft dom... But I don’t do like…hookups, or friends with benefits. I want it intertwined in to my actual romantic life..which can be kinda hard to find. But…I could see you being really good at the soft dom thing.” I expressed, playing with his curls gently as I talked with my cheek flush to his chest. 

“I know what Dom and sub is..but what’s soft Dom? Like- a Dom that isn’t good enough er- like.. Strong enough to be a full dominant?” He questions and I sit up from his chest, my gaze meeting his one more quickly. 

“Baby, no…no. Absolutely not. You are fucking amazing. A soft dom is a preference. Just like I said how I love praises, soft doms use rewards more then punishments. Instead of demanding something out of a sub, like- forcing it out of them, they’ll give an order a precise order, and patiently wait for their submissive to follow it, and then they reward their sub, instead of punishing because they were made to wait or something... That’s an attitude I think you’d take on really effortlessly, just cause of your job and the tolerance it requires” I explained and he nodded a bit, his hands once more continuing to rub soothing strokes along my skin. 

“So…you like being told what to do, but in a nice way?” He questioned, and I nodded with a smile. 

“Exactly. And I love praises when I’m doing something you like. Soft dom’s aren’t about humiliation or degradation, which I don’t think you are. Just from what we’ve done…but- do you like degrading?” I asked and he bit his lip for a moment as he thought. 

“No…no- I dunno…I don’t wanna hurt your feelings baby, isn’t the point of sex to feel good?” He questioned and I gently stroke his cheek, my heart turning to goop at his honesty in the question. 

“Mmhmm, some people feel good when they’re being mean like that though. It’s all consensual, I think if I was into that it would be because I want to take back control, y’know? In a way, being slapped around as a woman- I guess in a situation that you’re controlling it can help us feel…safer?” I shrug a bit “but you aren’t a sadist Carm, we don’t have to do that.” I rest my cheek back on his chest, continuing to rub my fingers over the little curly patch of hair in the middle of his pecs. 

“Well t’me it would just feel…wrong? Like..to call you a slut or something.” I giggled a bit, resting my chin on his chest again to look at him. 

“You can do it in a nice way y’know? I’m talking about like- for instance ‘all you’re good for is being a slut’ I don’t like that. But if you were like ‘That’s it my good little slut you’re doing such a great job for me’ I’d probably love it. Because to me it’s like- If I’m your slut, if I belong to you.. it’s different than being just a slut- I guess I probably have a bit of an ownership kink.” I giggled and he raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

“Where’d you learn how to talk like that Jesus” he muttered, his hands sliding down and squeezing my ass firmly. “I…” he trails off for a moment. 

“What baby? Tell me” I said encouragingly.

“I think..” he clears his throat. “I think I like praise too?” He said his cheeks going flaming red at the admission. “I-is that normal f’r guys t’like that?” He asked quietly, clearly anxious that he’d possibly said something wrong. 

“Yes, yes baby, thank you for telling me, what kind of praise do you like?” I asked, gently tracing the veins along his neck with a feather-light touch. 

He swallows thickly, goosebumps covering his skin. “Um..I- I dunno…but it- I-I guess the idea sounds nice? C-can you give me some examples..maybe?” He asked nervously, his thumbs rubbing circles into the flesh of my bum that he was still holding on to firmly. 

“Mm..well it’s not so much of an example as it is a real thought I just haven’t said out loud.. when we were in the shower and you were all bossy telling me to bend over, that was so fucking hot. I think about it all the time when I’m getting off, it always gets me there.” I smirk, gently playing with his chain between my fingers, tugging lightly. 

His pupils dilated, drinking in my words and I could see that he was contemplating something behind his gaze. “So…you like it when I give you orders like that? Like..Bossin’ you around? I honestly felt kinda bad after” he said softly and I nodded. 

“I love it. Also when you praised me for how well I take your huge cock, that was so good baby.” I kiss his neck, gently nipping the sweet spot below his pulse point and he groans softly, his grip on my ass tightening. 

“Fine… Then get on your back.” He said lowly, his voice husky with lust. Without a second thought, I plop on my back, spreading my legs to make space for him. 

“As you wish.” I said with a satisfied smile and he straddled me, his weight pushing me into the bed and he held himself up by his muscular arms on either side of me, caging me in. His chain dangled in front of my face teasingly, and I took it between my teeth. 

“Fuck you look so hot like that baby” he said softly, causing my proud smile to grow. 

I dropped it from my teeth “I want you to own me Carmy” I said softly, my hands trailing up his muscled chest. 

“Ye’ baby? You wanna be mine?” He kissed my neck with hot, open-mouthed kisses, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. My eyes fluttered shut, my stomach full of a swarm of butterflies, and my core on fire. I gasp in pleasure as he nips the spot on my neck that drives me wild, my chest arching up and becoming flush with his. 

Suddenly, I’m reminded of my current situation. 

“Wait” I said softly and he immediately stopped, pulling away and sitting up slightly. 

“Did I do something?” He asked nervously, carefully pulling down my shirt that had been pushed up in the heat of the moment. 

“No…it’s…” I blushed, covering my face in embarrassment. “It’s my fault- We can’t t’night I’m sorry,” I said shame lacing my voice. I feel his hand around my wrist, gently tugging. 

“Honey, look at me- what’s wrong?” He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed it gently. 

“I’m- I’m on my period and…I don’t wanna disgust you so- so no.” I huff, crossing my arms over my chest, staring at the ceiling more annoyed with myself than anything. 

“If it’s a me thing baby- I don’t care. I’ll wear a condom if you want, we can put down a towel. I’m definitely not afraid of a little blood.” He said sweetly, gently resting his hands on my hips and squeezing affirmingly. 

I felt a hard lump in my throat, and tears began pooling at the back of my eyes as my lip begins to quiver. He noticed and his lips curled into a small frown “we- we don’t have to angel, I’m just telling you that I don’t care if you’re bleeding- It’s- it’s fine, princess, we can just cuddle” he said gently and I nodded. 

“I know-“ I whisper, the tears making their way to my lash line and threatening to spill over. 

“Then why’re you cryin’, pretty girl?” He gently swipes his thumb under my eye, collecting the tears that had gathered. 

“Cause” I sniffled. “Cause you’re perfect Carmen.” I cup his cheeks and pull him into a deep kiss, my eyes squeezing shut and more tears falling down my cheeks.

He pulled away gently “don’t cry Angel, please don’t cry” he whispers, brushing away my residual tears and kissing my damp cheeks before resting his forehead on mine. “Do you want to? I want to, baby. But what I want more is what you want.” He whispered, looking in to my eyes honestly. 

I smiled a bit, nodding slightly against him. “Yes” I whisper. “But I just feel…all mushy now- and…I don’t wanna fuck” I said and I saw the disappointment behind his eyes, but of course he didn’t let it show otherwise. 

“I want you to make love to me.” I whispered, kissing his jaw tenderly in a line up to his lips. He smiled softly against my lips, humming softly. 

“Anything you want, princess.” He said softly before kissing my forehead tenderly. 

I smile warmly, my hands trailing up his sides, “let me go get a towel..” I said softly, and he shifted onto his side of the bed, sitting up against the headboard. I sit up and looked at him before getting up, grabbing his hand and squeezing gently. 

“Promise if you get grossed out- we’ll stop? A-and…and that you won’t see me differently.” I said meekly, in frantic need of reassurance. 

“I told you, honey, you could never gross me out, and being intimate while you’re on your cycle won’t change my feelings for you. I love being close to you, nothing could change that” he conveyed sincerely, before bringing my fingers to his lips and kissing gently. 

I nod, “ok,” I said quietly. I got up and padded off to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I used the restroom quickly and prepared myself by wiping down with some baby wipes, even though I’d just showered a few hours prior (you could never be too careful) - and washed my hands before grabbing an old towel from the bathroom closet. I took a deep breath to settle my nerves before opening up the door again. 

“I just- don’t um…finger me. You can touch me but- no- no fingers..please” I said shyly and sat on the bed, plopping the folded towel on the edge. 

“You got it, honey, thanks f’r tellin’ me- now c’mere” he patted his lap gently. I shuffle over on my knees, straddling him and sitting on his thighs gently. 

“Can we…can we turn off the lights?” I ask softly and he nodded. 

“Whatever will make you most comfortable baby, I’m fine with whatever you want.” He kissed my jaw sweetly. 

I leaned down and kissed his neck gently, leaving soft, lingering kisses down and around his throat, trailing down, grazing my teeth along his skin as I did so and kissing his collarbones gently. “You have such a nice chest Carmy” I said softly, kissing the base of his throat sweetly. 

“I could say the same thing about you, can I take this off honey?” He tugged the hem of my shirt gently, and in response I sit up and lifted my arms. He slips the fabric off, throwing it somewhere on the floor and sat back, eyes racking over my frame causing my cheeks to heat. 

“So fuckin’ perfect.” He mutters, his large hands cupping my breasts and thumbs rubbing over my nipples causing them to perk up almost immediately. 

“Do you like my piercings?” I asked softly, one of my hands coming up and cupping his gently. He looked at me as if he was shocked I'd even ask the question. 

“Babe- y’re so fuckin’ hot. You have the nicest tits I’ve ever seen. I’m obsessed with these” he squeezes them together for emphasis, causing me to giggle and I felt all of my tension and insecurity melt away. 

“Yeah? What do you like about ‘em?” I asked with a smirk, amused at his boyish affinity for breasts, running my hand down his forearm and squeezing gently. 

“Fuck yes. So many things. I love how they’re the perfect handful for me, like they fit fuckin’ perfect in my hands honey. And they’re so soft, and so perky, and fuckin’ bouncy- c’mere I need ‘em” he pulls me to him, kissing over my flesh with hot, wet smooches before taking one of my nipples in his mouth and suckling gently, his tongue playing with my jewelry causing me to moan out loudly in pleasure. 

I’d never been ravished this time of the month before- and to be quite honest, it was slightly overwhelming just how sensitive I was. 

I gasped slightly at the feeling of his teeth gazing at the sensitive bud, my chest arching into him and pathetic whimpers falling from my lips. “Carmy - fuck I love your mouth s’much” I grind my hips into his, feeling his length already rock hard beneath me. He moaned slightly into my skin, the vibrations against my nipple sending a crashing wave of pleasure to my core that caused my hips to buck into his and my hand to fall flat to his chest to try and ground myself, his thumping heart resting beneath my palm. 

“Fuck - take these off” I said, tugging at his sweatpants. “I- I don’t wanna ruin them with a stain they’re my favorites” I breathe out, pulling at the waistband more. He chuckles into my skin, pulling away from my nipple with a pop and gazing up at me with dark, lust filled eyes, the blue almost completely swallowed by the black saucers of his pupils. 

“How do you want me angel?” He asked, resting his chin on my breast and not breaking my gaze. His lips were puffy and swollen from the assault on my nipple, glistening with saliva. 

“I-“ I felt my cheeks heat, my stomach flipping with anxiety at the realization of the intimacy I really wanted. I swallowed thickly before continuing. “I- I want you to be on top of me…like…like earlier? When you were pressing me into the bed it…it made me feel safe” I brushed a hand through his curls. 

A small blush heated his cheeks and he smiled a bit. “Yeah princess? Ok..I liked that too. I wanna see y’re pretty face” he said softly, brushing my fringe away from where it had hidden my eyes slightly. 

I kissed his lips tenderly before grabbing the towel, laying it down on my side and smoothing it out. I realized, without the glow of the moonlight pouring in that was cut off by the curtains, it was pitch black on my half of the bed. “Can you- um…open the shade a little?” I ask him when he got up to slip his sweatpants off. 

“Course baby, no one can see us right?” He joked, going over and pulling open the curtain and soft moonlight flooded the whole room, just enough. 

“I think it’s dark enough in here for no one to get a free show” I giggled, laying back and making sure my hips were fully on the towel so I wouldn’t stain my silk sheets. I sat up a bit, pushing my hair behind me so I or he wouldn’t pull it by accident before settling back down, spreading my legs once more for him. 

He stood at the end of the bed, like me, in nothing but his underwear. His large hands curled over his hips as he admired my frame. I blushed, suddenly feeling as naked as I was, and I resisted the urge to cover up my breasts with my hands. “You are so fuckin’ beautiful, Winnie” he said softly, kneeling on the bed and coming up to me, wrapping my thighs around his middle and kissing up from my navel to my neck in long, open mouth kisses, marking me with his saliva. The chill of the air conditioning after each kiss eventually brought on a small shiver that turned into raised goosebumps. 

 “You make me feel so beautiful” I said softly, my eyes fluttering shut and head falling back to the pillow in bliss as he ravished me with adoring kisses over every inch of bare skin. 

“Mm well that’s because you are, you’re the most captivating girl I’ve ever seen” he whispered in my ear gently, his voice laced with a certainty that he believed what he was telling me. 

I swallowed thickly, my breath hitching when he bites down on my neck gently, sucking on the sensitive skin. “I want to be yours Carm. Only yours- please” I breathe out, my arms curling around his back and fingers drawing little patterns over his muscles lightly. He bit down on my skin harder, sucking roughly. 

There will surely be a bruise. 

I moaned softly, one of my hands trailing up to wrap in his soft curls and play with them between my fingers. “Yeah?” He mumbled into my skin, peppering kisses down my jaw “Y’want me to own you, baby? Mmm? Y’want everyone to know that you belong t’me?” He asked gently in my ear, his hot breath and husky voice laced with desire hurling waves of warmth to my core. 

“Please-please own me Carmy. Make love to me” I begged quietly, my voice trembling with want and anticipation. He rested his forehead on mine, nuzzling the tip of his nose against mine sweetly. 

“You’re the only person I’d ever want to make love to, honey” he whispered into my lips before kissing me hungrily. I moan at his words, opening my mouth for him and dragging my tongue across his, needing more of him.

 I lifted my hips when I feel hip pat my bum, and he pulls my panties down to my knees, breaking our kiss to trail kisses up my leg before he drapes it over his side to peel off the barely-there fabric, flinging it to the floor before wrapping my leg securely back around his waist. 

“I need you” I voiced softly, my fingers trailing down his chest to his happy trail, delicately hooking my fingers in his waistband and pulling him free. His length eagerly pops out and slaps against his stomach, making me smile proudly.

 “Do you need me?” I ask quietly, wrapping my fist around his length and stroking him gently, giving him the firm tug he loved. 

He groans, his head falling back slightly and eyes fluttering shut as I run my thumb over his slit, spreading the precum all over his rosy head. “Fuck baby- so bad. I miss your pussy so fuckin much” he breathes out, whimpering and grabbing my wrist when I started massaging his tip firmly with my thumb. 

“Ah-ah-mmm-baby” he whines, gripping my wrist tighter “fuuck- shit Y’re gonna make me cum, s-stop- please- I-I still wanna fuck you” he whimpered and I gently lowered my hand, continuing to do slow languid strokes over the bottom half of his length and I see his muscles relax as if I’d just taken him right off the edge. 

“That’s how it feels when you rub my clit- more or less.” I said and he gently pushes me to lay back, causing me to lose my grip on him. 

“I’d say less considering-“ he spread my lips with his ring and forefinger, dragging his middle finger just barely brushing over my clit causing my hips to buck into his palm and a soft moan to escape my lips. “Takes barely anything t’get you worked up baby, you were chokin my cock- not a fair comparison” he teased with a smirk, leaning in and kissing me warmly. 

I cry out in his mouth when he flicks his finger over the extremely sensitive bud, “see baby? Y’re already so worked up… I love those sexy little noises you make” he hums in my ear, rubbing me in achingly slow circles. 

“Oh- fuck yes- yes-yes Carmy just like that” I whine out, tightening my heels in his back to pull myself closer. He adds more pressure and I gasp out, grinding my hips against his hand, so aching for more friction he barely had to move his fingers to get me off at this point. 

“That’s it honey” he leans down, taking my nipple back in his mouth and my core clenches around nothing which he feels beneath his hand causing him to smile lightly, his tongue flicking over the nipple.

I let out a breathy “ahh” at the wave of pleasure that washes over my core at the action.

“Mmm you’re humpin’ my hand like a horny little bunny right now baby, it’s adorable” he mutters into my skin and I smiled lazily, opening my eyes to look at him. 

“Not my fault your hands are better at the job then mine are” I circled my hips, and he took back over, rubbing quicker but lighter circles into my heat that made my stomach tighten and head fall back on the pillow with a breathy “oh”. My breathing quickens, my core tightening, that familiar building beginning to wash over me and my eyes twisting shut, nose scruching in focus. 

“Y’gonna cum f’me, bunny? Mmm? I know that adorable face baby, you close? Y’gonna cum f’me angel?” He cooed teasingly, kissing my collar bones and nipping gently. I whimper at the use of the new name, my eyebrows furrowed together in pleasure. 

“Ah! mm-mmhmm” I managed to ramble out, my mind going blank other than the overwhelming tightness in every muscle. 

“Hey, hey, lemme see those pretty eyes, princess” he kisses the corner of my mouth sweetly. “Mm? Please Baby? Can I see those pretty eyes while you cum for me?” my eyes fluttered open and met his, seeing him smiling sweetly. “Oh you are such a mess and we’ve barely started angel, such a good girl- my good girl” he said, and with that- I was thrown over the edge into my orgasm full force. 

My hips bucked up, my clit pulsing, warmth flooding every inch of my body as the pleasure overtook me. “Yesyesyesyes” was all that I could manage to get out of my mouth, my breathing ragged. I pulled him to me, kissing him feverishly, the sound of lips the only audible while I rode out my high.

 “I need you” I mumbled between hot, wet kisses. “I need you inside me,” I said, before kissing him again. 

He adjusted my hips, pulling away briefly and ripping open a condom with his teeth that he blindly grabbed from my nightstand he’d left out for us a while ago, and rolled the latex over his throbbing member. “Ribbed huh?” He raised his eyebrows teasingly and I giggled. 

“More fun f’me- especially with a huge cock like yours” I pull him back to me with my legs and chuckled as he lines himself up, holding himself up with one arm. 

“I’m honestly surprised you can take all of it.” He said, nudging his tip in and I moaned, dropping my head back and eyes fluttering shut.  “Fuck” he grunted, pushing in deeper. “Y’re fuckin tight babe- are you sure y’re ok?” He looks up at me and in response I nod, my jaw dropped wide in pleasure and eyes shut lightly, breathing heavy.

“Fuck- oh my god please- please- more” I begged him, grabbing his hand and interlacing our fingers. He gently kissed my forehead as he pushed himself into me to the point our pelvises were flush and I let out a loud whiny cry at the sudden pressure. 

“Yes fuck- I feel so full-s’good” I whine out. He moaned softly as he thrusts out to the tip before going all the way back in, the ribbed tip of his cock brushing right up against my g-spot in a way that makes my hips jerk and I let out a soft “ah”, stars forming behind my eyes. He wrapped his forearms around my thighs, pulling me higher up in his lap and wrapping his arms around my back, holding me over the bed with his hands on my shoulderblades as he started a quick snap of his hips, moaning out as his head fell back. 

“Fuckkk baby. Y’re so fuckin’ good t’me letting me have you like this- shiiit- s’fuckin’ tight baby y’re swallowing my fuckin’ cock right now” he grunted out in absolute ecstasy.

But it fell on deaf ears because this new position he had us in had me swimming through an ocean of pleasure and I couldn’t think of anything other then how deep he was, and how he was hitting spots I’d yet to discover myself or with any other partner. I could feel him in my stomach - and I’d have thought before now, someone so big would hurt, but it was as if we were molded for each other's bodies, he filled me up like a fucking puzzle piece.

“Mm? How’s it feel baby? You ok?” He slows down his movements,  breaking me from my trance and I cupped his cheeks, resting my forehead on his. 

“Carmen” I whisper, my hands trembling with pleasure. 

“What? What- baby, am I hurting you?” He asks his voice laced with worry. 

“No- no. I need you- I- I need you to keep fucking going. Don’t stop. Unless I tell you. To stop. Understand me? I’ve never felt so fucking amazing- I can’t even think baby- I can’t even fucking cum right now- i’m trying to process this level of pleasure, you’re fucking me dumb right now- please, please don’t fuckin’ stop.” I rambled out and stroke his jaw gently and he continues his slow pace. “F-Faster, and harder. Please” I said, kissing him deeply and moaning into his mouth when he did so. 

I pulled away, gasping in pleasure as he thrusted into my gspot, my hand gripping his shoulder and the nails digging in to the skin, causing half moon shapes “there” I squeaked, my eyes screwing shut. He rested my back against the headboard for support, before snapping his hips faste straight into that spot. The only sounds in the room were now his soft satisfied grunts, wet sounds of him drilling into me, the clapping of skin, and short sweet little ‘ah…ah…ah…’ noises spilling from my lips unintentionally at the force of his every thrust. 

Before I could even warn him, my walls are pulsing and fluttering around him wildly as one of the most intense orgasms of my life crashed over me like a tsunami, my hips bucking wildly and thighs quivering uncontrollably. I cry out, my back arching up and my fists white from grabbing the sheets so hard. I could have sworn I felt one of my nails crack under the pressure of my grip.

“Mmmm- cumming- cumming!!” I muttered urgently between heaving breaths when I could finally get a coherent word out, causing him to whimper softly as he continued on the same pace to his release.

 He grips my hips tight enough to bruise, his head falling forward as he chases his own release “fuck- gah- me too babe- ah” he grunted as he spilled into the condom, laying me on the bed gentle as he could in his exhaustion and limply collapsing over my frame as he catches his own breath. 

He lets out a breathy moan as my walls continue pulsing around him as I come down from my own release “holy fuck babe.” He breathes in to my skin, “fuuuuck” he sits up slightly, pulling me in to a heated kiss. I hum softly, my mind still fuzzy but happy he didn’t pull out right away. 

Once he pulled away from the kiss I smiled lazily, utterly fucked out from one round. “That was so amazing Carmy. I’ve never came like that before- like- that was a round three kinda orgasm, you did sooo good Bear, thank you” I said sweetly, playing with his chain gently and adjusting the pendant. 

“It was perfect honey, ‘took me so well” he kisses down my jaw and neck, I hummed in satisfaction. 

“Don’t pull out yet, I wanna stay like this, please” I said softly, running my fingers over his back. He chuckled softly into my skin 

“Okay babygirl, whatever you need” he gently brushed my hair out of my face and cups my cheek. “I like it when we get to be so close like that…when we have sex” he said quietly, bringing a smile to my lips.  “Me too” I whispered, leaning in and kissing him tenderly.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

[the-bad-batch-baroness]

Caution to the Wind

Wrecker x Fem!Reader

Summary: For her birthday, Omega asks you and Wrecker to ride the roller coaster with her at the fair.

Pairing: Wrecker x Fem!Reader

Characters: Wrecker, Omega, Hunter, Echo, Crosshair, Tech

Tags & Warnings: modern!AU, family fluff, roller coaster, anxiety, fear of heights

Word Count: 2k

Author's Note: Two fics in one weekend 😱 I think I broke a record 😂 Even though it's shorter than most of my one-shots, rest assured, this idea was predetermined at the beginning and didn't come from my panic that I only have a week left to finish my bingo card 😅 I love the Bad Batch and their characters, but inspiration is a very fickle thing. As always, please enjoy 💚

@clonexreaderbingo Square: Wrecker

It's a beautiful summer day, and as you walk through the crowds of people your senses are filled with the smells of funnel cakes and fried oreos, and the sounds of kids screaming on the fast, colorful, rides at the midway. Today is Omega's birthday, and to celebrate she wanted to spend the day at the local fair with her brothers. Their girlfriends were also allowed to come, making for a fun family day for everyone. It's been forever since you've gone to a fair, so you're also excited.

Omega sits atop Hunter's shoulders and points out everything she wants to do, eat, and ride. Tech keeps a running list of what she says so they don't forget something, including the firework show at the end. Echo is in charge of the map to make sure they take the most efficient path. Crosshair isn't much of a fairgoer, but he would never pass up an opportunity to wipe the floor with the dads at the fair games and win Omega the biggest stuffed animal available.

Then there's you and Wrecker. He's just as excited as Omega to enjoy the fair, but what he's most excited about is the food. Fair food is the best. There's nothing quite like deep fried candy bars and cheap corndogs smothered in ketchup and mustard. You're not sure where he keeps packing it away, but you had to stop after the fried pickles and take a break. You sit down on a bench to rest for a minute, when Wrecker walks over carrying a massive red and blue slushy.

Your eyes widen. "Please tell me that's not for me."

Wrecker laughs. "It's for both of us."

"Oh, thank God," you breathe in relief. You rub your stomach when you feel it gurgle.

"Not feelin' well?" Wrecker asks as he sits down and rubs your back.

"Just ate too much," you answer. "I'll be fine in a bit."

"Guess I'll have to drink this myself then," Wrecker says.

"Knock yourself out," you chuckle.

You continue to relax on the bench under the shade of a tree while you wait for your stomach to settle. It's the middle of the day, and the sun is beating down hard and hot. Everyone is taking a break now around the same bench, making sure to hydrate so the fun can continue without issue. You also end up taking a few sips of that slushy. Omega becomes restless as she plucks pieces of grass impatiently while sitting on the ground waiting to have fun again.

"Can we go now?" Omega asks while tugging on Hunter's pant leg.

"Ten more minutes," Hunter says as he leans against the tree and looks down at Omega.

Omega flops onto her back and groans. "The fair will be closed in ten minutes."

"Actually, the fair will close in approximately eight hours," Tech adds.

 "See?" Echo says as he pats Omega's leg. "Plenty of time to enjoy the rest of the fair."

Omega sits up and rolls her eyes.

"So," you begin, while trying to change the subject, "what's next on the list?"

"Hmm," Omega thinks. "The rides! Definitely the rides."

"Are you sure you don't want to save those until it gets dark?" Echo asks. "The lights on the rides are pretty at night."

Omega pouts.

"Let the kid go on the rides," Crosshair argues. "We've got the wristbands, so we can always come back after it gets dark."

Omega's face lights up and she tugs harder on Hunter's pant leg. "Hunter, please? Can we go now? I want to go on the rides."

Hunter sighs.

"Aw, c'mon, Hunter," Wrecker says. "It's the kid's birthday."

Hunter glances at Echo and Echo shrugs. "Fine. Let's go."

"Yes!" Omega exclaims as she jumps up from the ground.

You smile at her excitement, and stretch your arms above your head as you get up from the bench. You definitely feel more rested, and your stomach has settled since you sat down and stopped eating food. You're not sure about going on any of the rides though. You love the fair as long as you stay on the ground. You mostly enjoy the little shops, stands, music, food, and the animals, but not the rides. They make your stomach queasy, but mostly, you're afraid of heights.

However, for Omega's birthday, you will play along for as much as you can, even if you stay behind to hold everyone's belongings while they go on the rides. Someone has to do it, so it might as well be you. The first ride Omega chooses is an easy one, the carousel. Now that's a ride you can handle, and everyone can still carry their belongings onto the ride. It's not too fast and not too high, just perfect for someone like you, and possibly the only ride you'll go on.

After the carousel, the group hops from one ride to the next. Your plan of staying back and holding everyone's belongings is working out very well, and so far, no one has questioned it. Wrecker knows your apprehension towards rides and fear of heights, so he doesn't have to ask. Even through his own fear of heights, he still goes on the rides with Omega and everyone else. You admire him for working through his fear, for his little sister's sake, and wish you could too.

After a couple more hours of rides, the sun starts sinking lower in the sky and the heat of the day passes, with a slight breeze blowing in from the east. You thought that Omega would be tired by now from all of the walking and rides, but no, she is still moving like she was this morning. You don't know where she gets all of the energy from, but you now understand why Hunter is so tired all of the time. Keeping up with that ball of energy must be exhausting for him.

Just as you think you'll be leaving the midway to get more snacks and drinks before the firework show, Omega pulls everyone to one last ride. The roller coaster. You look up at the colossal giant of twisting metal and lose your breath as a cart of screaming people flies by across from you. That's one big nope from you. You are happy to just stay on the ground and let everyone else fly down that hill to their deaths. You take a seat on the bench by the line and try to relax.

"C'mon," Omega says as she pulls on your hand. "We're going on the roller coaster!"

You instinctively shrink down further onto the bench. "Oh, no, Omega. I can't."

"Please?" she pleads. "I want us all to go."

"Really, I–"

"It's for the kids' birthday," Crosshair interrupts. "If I have to put up with it, so do you."

"I don't like roller coasters," you explain. "They're way too high and scary."

"The probability of getting hurt on a roller coaster is one in one hundred and seventy million," Tech adds. "You will be fine by my calculation."

Echo elbows Tech and gives him a look. "Really?"

Tech pushes his glasses up. "My calculations are never wrong."

"Guys, please," you say. "I'm really afraid of heights. I can't do it."

"Wrecker is afraid of heights," Hunter notes, "and he's gone on everything."

"Well, maybe my fear of heights and his fear of heights are different," you argue.

"Mesh'la," Wrecker says as he sits on the bench next to you. "If you sit next to me, you know I won't let anything bad happen to you."

"But–"

"Just this once," Wrecker insists. "For Omega."

You sigh and look into Wrecker's soulful eyes. "Promise nothing will happen?"

"Promise," Wrecker says with a comforting smile.

You take a deep breath and exhale slowly. "Okay, let's go before I change my mind."

"Yes!" Omega exclaims. "Roller coaster here we come!"

The wait in line for the roller coaster is rather short, so you don't get a lot of time to overthink your absolutely horrible decision. You're not sure how you let them talk you into it, but here you are, stepping into the car of a roller coaster and regretting every second of it. You chose a car in the middle of the roller coaster, because both being in the front or the back is terrifying, then Wrecker squeezes in after you. He pulls the safety bar down and drapes his arm over your shoulder.

"Wreck," you say with a shaky voice. "I don't think I can do this."

"Just hold onto me," Wrecker says. "I gotcha."

You clamp your hands onto Wrecker's arm as best you can and squeeze your eyes shut. You want to get off, but the ride hasn't even started yet. You can hear Omega in one of the cars in front of you giggling in anticipation, while you, on the other hand, are hyperventilating and hanging on for dear life. Every terrifying possibility and horrific outcome races through your mind all at once and you wonder if you should have written a will before you let yourself get on the ride.

It's too late now. You feel the car jerk beneath you and the chain clanking as it pulls the line of cars down the track and towards the first hill. Every muscle in your body is tense and you don't dare to open your eyes, but you still feel it. You feel it moving beneath you along the track and your anxiety grows when your body leans back against the hard seat as the coaster is pulled up the first hill. Every alarm bell in your head is going off, warning you that you won't survive the drop.

Then it stops, and for a moment you let yourself relax, thinking you must be at the top of the hill. Of course, where else could you be? The anticipation of what's to come overwhelms your already tense body and you steal a peek, but instantly regret it. You're up, high up, very high up, and the only way down is to let the coaster take you there, but you don't want it to move. You feel sick and you hold onto Wrecker's arm even tighter, wondering if he feels the same way.

Before you can get the answer, you're careening down the hill at top speed. The rushing wind blows your hair wildly as your stomach enters your throat as the feeling of weightlessness takes over. But before you can pass out, your weight returns, pushing your butt back down into the seat. Now that your breath is back, you can finally scream. You scream for dear life, and you're pretty sure Wrecker is having as much of a horrible time as you are, but he stays strong for you.

Thankfully, the ride comes to a stop back at the station. The safety bars release, but you've got one solid grip on the bar and another on Wrecker's arms, refusing to let go, even though the ride is over. Your body has clamped down and you're stuck. You won't even open your eyes. Even if you try to move, you know your legs will be wobbly and you'll probably fall over, or at the least look ridiculous trying to exit the ride. Then you feel two strong arms lifting you out of the seat.

"I've got you," Wrecker soothes. "You're okay."

"Am I alive?" you ask with a shaky voice, eyes still squeezed shut.

"I think so," Wrecker says, then pinches your arm.

"Ow!" you yell and open your eyes.

"Yup," Wrecker says. "Alive and well."

You can't help but laugh. "Thanks."

Wrecker smiles and gives you a soft kiss on the forehead, which you lean into to help soothe your shot nerves.

"C'mon, guys!" Omega calls. "We're gonna miss the firework show!"

"Can you handle that?" Wrecker asks.

You sigh as your body begins to relax. "As long as I get to stay on the ground I can."

"Can do," Wrecker smiles, then drops your legs so you can stand.

"Actually, can you carry me?" you ask with big doe eyes. "I'm so tired and my legs feel like jelly."

"Always," Wrecker says, then picks you back up and follows after the rest of the group.

Masterlist

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[mrs-santoss]

I miss you - Neymar Imagine

Summary:

Neymar is in Qatar for the World Cup, and you haven't been able to travel there yet because of work. You Facetime each other every night, he needs your support every day. I get home and throw my bag and jacket on the couch, and I run to pick up my laptop to call Ney. I don't even bother to change into something more comfortable first. I click on his contact, and he answers in a matter of seconds. His cute face pops up on the screen, making me tear up. It's been 3 weeks since I last saw him in person. "Hellooo, linda. I miss you," he blurts out immediately, making his cute puppy face; he knows I can't resist. "Hii, meu anjo. I miss you too. How are you? "Are you feeling better since the injury?" I say back to him, smiling now that I'm talking to him after a stressful day at work. "Yeah, it's healing finally. "I'm hoping to be on the next game after this one," he responds. "You will, bebê." You'll come back stronger than ever. I'm actually very excited to tell you that I have booked a ticket to Qatar. I leave in 3 days, so I will be there to see you play the next game." I say, waiting for his response. "YOU WILL? Why didn't you say that sooner? Oh, god, finally! I have missed you so much. I need your hug very badly." he says excitedly after hearing the news and blows me a kiss through the camera. "I wanted to surprise you right now. I miss your presence here so much. Things have gotten very stressful at work, which is why I couldn't take a break earlier. But, I'm going to be there in a few days, everything is perfect, don't worry about me, bebê." I say, I don't want him to worry about me and lose his focus on the competition. "Y/N, meu amor. You work so hard, you need to take a break sometimes. "Your time here will help you relax also." He says this to me in a comforting manner.

I tear up a little bit. I miss his touch, his smell, his voice, everything. This is supposed to be harder for him than me, he's the one away from home. I can't let him know I'm sad, that'll just make him worry, but he always sees through me. "Y/N?" he asks after a brief silence to which I do not respond.

"Bebê? Can you look at me? He says trying to make me lift my head up so he can talk to me.

I blink a few times, trying to make myself more presentable before I look into his eyes.

"Yes, Ney?" i say back to him.

"Please, don't cry, meu amor. It'll only be 3 more days before we see each other." He says, he wants to comfort me and lighten the mood. "I know, Ney. I'm sorry, I'm just extremely tired, and you not being here makes it 100% worse." I say back at him, now more calm than before. "Why don't we fall asleep "together" tonight too? I can see you're still wearing your work clothes, go change into something comfortable and lay on the bed." he says while also getting ready to go to bed himself. "Of course, amor. I'll be right back." I say and I put the laptop on the bed in the bedroom. I get something comfortable to wear from Ney's closet, obviously. Before he left for Qatar, I "stole" a few hoodies from him so I can still smell him after he's gone. I put on an oversized black hoodie with nothing but underwear since It's warm at night and the hoodie covers my butt. I run to the bathroom really quickly to wash my face. After I'm done, I go back to the bed seeing Neymar already done this his routine laying in his bed waiting for me. "I'm back, amor." I say while getting under the covers and placing the laptop on Ney's side of the bed facing me. "Aww, meu anjo. You are wearing my hoodie." he says to me in a cute voice. "Yesss, this makes me feel less lonely." i say back to him.

Neymar's POV:

I could tell she was exhausted from the moment she called me. It broke my heart a little, but I felt much better when she told me she would be here in a few days. Her voice calms me down, and her eyes make me forget every burden in my life. I wanted her to get a good sleep, so I told her to go change and lay on the bed. I did the same night routine much faster than she did, as always, and I laid back on my hotel bed waiting for her. When she came back, she was wearing my favorite black hoodie, which she "stole" from me. She looked extremely cute and cozy; I would just hop on a plane right now and lay there next to her. I was talking to her about my day when I realized my voice was putting her to sleep, so I kept talking. She was only responding with "mhm" or nodding her head. I keep talking until I hear her cute little snore from the laptop. "Sweet dreams, meu anjo. I can't wait to see you. Good night!" I say that to her even though she's passed out by now. I put my head on the pillow myself and fell asleep to her beautiful face and cute snores.

[thebookreader12345]

Newborn

Pairing: Evan Hawkins x reader

Summary: Evan didn't think he could be any happier, but that all changes when he gets to hold his newborn son in his arms

Requested: Yes, by anonymous

Warnings: mentions of c-sections/surgery

Word Count: 1,165

"Hey beautiful," Evan greeted and peaked him head into our bedroom. "You up yet?"

"No," I grumble sleepily from where I was snuggled up in blankets. "I don't want to get up."

"But you have to get up," Evan retorted and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Today's the day! We're finally gonna get to meet our little munchkin!"

"Please stop calling the baby that," I beg. "I'm only excited for today because we'll finally give the baby a name, and then you don't have to use that ridiculous nickname."

"You secretly love it," Evan teased and leaned down to press a kiss to my forehead. "Now come on and get up. We've gotta be at the hospital in like an hour."

"Ugh," I groan and sit up. "All right. I'll get ready then."

"How are you not as excited as me right now?" Evan asked. "I'm freaking out!"

"I am excited, honey. Seriously," I assure him and send a small smile his way. "I'm just not excited for this surgery."

"I get that," Evan confessed and put his face down by my swollen stomach. "You just had to make things difficult, didn't you?"

"Babies are breech all the time, Ev," I notify him. "It's actually pretty common. But I'm glad the date is finally here because in a few months I can get back to work!"

Evan laughed. "You and your work, Y/n. You're a workaholic!"

"I'm not a workaholic. I just love my job!" I defend.

I was working as a firefighter at Firehouse 51 on Squad 3 when Evan and I had met. He had worked with Violet on Ambulance 61 for a few shifts while Sylvie was off in Oregon visiting Matt. We hit things off right away, and the rest was history. I hadn't been able to work on Squad 3 since I found out I was pregnant, so it's been about 9 months. Luckily, Chief Boden let me work in the office with Kylie so that I could still be around everyone.

"I know you do, Y/n," Evan confirmed and hopped off the bed. "I've got all of the hospital bags downstairs by the door, so as soon as you're ready, we can head to the hospital."

In no time, I was all dressed and got myself situated in the passenger seat of the car. Evan loaded the rest of our things into the backseat, and within half an hour, I was set up in my hospital room in the labor and delivery wing of Chicago Med. I was on my phone when Evan walked in with the ice chips I had asked for, and he set them down on the tray next to my bed.

"Thanks," I murmur and continuing typing away at the keypad on my phone.

"Who are you texting?" Evan inquired.

"I was texting my mother that we got to the hospital. But then Stella texted the group chat with me, Sylvie, and Vi, and now they're blowing it up with messages on how excited they are to meet the baby. The amount of emojis being used right now...." I trailed off and placed my phone on the table next to me. "I need a break."

"I think I can provide a distraction from that. Since the moment's finally here, what do you think? Boy or girl?" Evan posed.

"I know that you and all of the guys at 51 want it to be a boy," I bring up. "And the fact that your side of the family is mostly guys only helps with that."

"But?" Evan prompted.

"But nothing. I'd be happy with either," I admit. "I think a girl would be easier, especially if I'm gonna be doing this whole parenting by myself for the first few months."

"Whoa whoa whoa," Evan interrupted. "What gave you the idea that you'd be doing this all alone?"

"Well I just figured that it'd be hard for you to take all that time off," I reason.

"Y/n, you and I are in this together. I already put in time off for the first week after the baby is born, and after that I'll only be going in 3 days a week instead of 5 with shortened hours," Evan informed me.

"You're the best, Ev. I love you," I say and lean over to peck his lips.

"I love you too," Evan returned. "Not get some rest. You're gonna need it. That means you too, munchkin."

A Few Hours Later........

"You doing okay?" Evan asked from where he was seated next to my head in the operating room.

"Yeah," I reply. "I'm good. Are you okay? You look like you're about to start bouncing off the walls."

"I might just do that," Evan revealed jokingly as his foot tapped anxiously against the floor. Suddenly, it felt like a huge pressure was lifted off of me, and then crying pierced the air.

"Congratulations you guys. You're now the parents of a healthy baby boy," the doctor announced.

"Did you hear that, Y/n? We have a son," Evan gushed.

"You do. And he's beautiful," the nurse told us and placed the baby on my chest.

"He's got your nose, Ev," I note as I held the baby against me.

"That he does," Evan agreed and pressed a kiss to my head.

The next hour or so was a blur. The rest of the surgery went by pretty quickly, and before I knew it, we were back in the recovery room excited to spend time with our newborn. The nurse wheeled our son into the room and placed him into my arms, and the baby cooed softly.

"You guys have a beautiful son," the nurse asserted.

"Thank you. Um, our co-workers and family are waiting for a name and a picture," Evan claimed and held up my phone. "They can't come in until after work. Would you mind taking a picture for us?"

"I would love to," the nurse responded and took my phone. As soon as she took the picture, the nurse handed the phone back to Evan and excused herself from the room.

"All right dad. Here you go," I offer and pass him our baby in exchange for my phone. "I know you've been dying to hold him."

"Hey munchkin," Evan greeted softly and rocked the baby back and for.

"Evan, we agreed that once the baby was born you wouldn't call him that," I lecture.

"Sorry," Evan apologized and stared down at the baby lovingly. "Hey, James. Welcome to the world buddy."

As Evan was busy gushing over the baby, I was typing out a text message to all of Firehouse 51. They were very impatient, so I figured I should do this now rather than later. I sent the picture that the nurse had just taken, and below it I typed out a text before hitting send.

"Welcome the newest addition to the Firehouse 51 family, James Christopher Hawkins."

_________________________

Tag List:

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[honeyjars-sims]

2.19 Dolly Would

Cece: It was so awesome! I thought I was going to be too nervous to perform, but I just asked myself ‘What would Dolly do?’ and the nerves just melted away.

Ben: Yeah, I even convinced her to sing a solo! She absolutely killed it!

[Cece plays a video of her performance]

Cece: [singing] I’ve never hurt nobody, never buried a body, never killed no one, no no. I ain't afraid to get a little crazy, baby, when I'm in love. You say you've had your fun and that you're done and I'm the one. Just know that if you fuck around, boy, I'll hunt you down.

Lexie: Wow you sound amazing!

Johnny: I wish we could’ve been there to see it in person!

Lexie: Who is that I hear screaming?

David: Oh, that was me. I screamed so loud I lost my voice for 2 days.

Solomon: [off-screen] Ah, 2 days of bliss!

David: Oh, stop! So, how was Granite Falls?

Johnny: It was great! The weather was perfect. We rented a paddleboat. I even caught a couple of fish!

Cece: See, I knew you two would have a great time without us!

Solomon: Chantal, you’re awfully quiet. Is everything ok?

Chantal: Yeah, I’ve just been a little stressed about some work stuff.

David: Oh? What’s going on at work?

Chantal: Nothing I want to talk about. 

Solomon: That’s not like you. Normally you’re as chatty as your dad.

Chantal: I’m a big girl, I can figure it out for myself.

Solomon: If you say so. Anyway, not to take away from Cece’s big moment, but your Dad has some exciting news.

David: I got a call from the casting director at Drag Superstar and I made it on the show!

[Everyone reacts with excitement to the news and congratulates David]

Chantal: I'm so happy for you! When does filming start?

David: In a few weeks, so I have to scramble and get everything together by then. It's all so surreal.

Cece: I can't believe this is happening for real! If you need anything, we're here to help!

Johnny: Yeah, I don't know much about fashion, but I can work a hot glue gun like no one's business.

David: Thanks, I need all the help I can get! I have to admit, I'm a little nervous about being on TV. I hope people like me.

Johnny: Don't be so humble, Dad! The audience is going to love you!

Chantal: Yeah, they totally will!

Cece: I can't wait! When I finally see you on the screen, I’m going to scream as loud for you as you did for me!

Solomon: I doubt that’s possible!

[laughter]

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

Bonus pics from Cece's show below!

Deco sims by @xldkx-cc, lazysimmies, and @softpine (I might be missing someone, sorry if I did). Rock Festival lot by VirtualFairytales (TSR) /gallery ID: mighty_isa. This was a bigger stage than what I intended to use, but I couldn't pass this one up!

[soulprompts]

I had a few quick thoughts in the middle of the night when i read your prompts and comments, so, i thought: ''Just made this roleplay blog a week ago and i'm too insecure to ask anyone for roleplay''

But here i am, reading to get some inspiration even if i don't roleplay right now or have mutuals because everything is foreign to me, thank you very much, at least i can daydream about silly scenarios :")

hi my friend! let me start by thanking you for sending this in, i'm so glad you like my prompts, and i'm very touched that you reached out! i also wanna say that you can absolutely skip the next two paragraphs, i'm waffling, i love waffling, i refuse to change this about myself!

now i wanna respond with a few little-known facts about myself. when i first joined tumblr, years and years ago, i made a natasha romanoff blog because i thought it'd be the best way to start up in the rpc. it took me a month, a MONTH, to so much as follow another soul on that blog. and it was a mess, like i didn't have a rules page, i didn't have a bio, i had very limited understanding of the rpc, i was just this teenager who was beyond pumped to write with people! then i realized my anxiety outweighed the excitement and i did nothing for a solid month.

then, after that month, i guess i just chose a rare moment of confidence to start following people, and they helped me massively, i still write with them to this day! but part of the reason that i wasn't hitting it off with a lot of people was because i really didn't feel comfortable writing natasha romanoff. like, it felt like an obligation. and i suppose i picked her to please people, and i'll always stand by this, it was the dumbest thing i ever did! so then i started writing my female OC, and i am still so lucky to have surrounded myself with friends who love and support her to this day, and because i was passionate about writing her story, i began to gain more mutuals! bc people can pick up on that, yk? they can always tell when you're really invested in something. i wrote five paragraphs about my OCs moisturiser (nivea) and honestly i'm very proud of it!

'blue, why are u talking about this?' excellent question! it's because in the month i was literally taking a vow of silence, i still scrolled through the dash. i wanted to understand the rpc in my own space! i read prompt lists, headcanons, ooc posts, threads, drabbles, metas, you name it. and while i was reading them, like you mentioned, it DID feel foreign!! and that's the BEST way to describe it! it's a whole new language, a whole new set of rules and norms and systems to understand! isn't it absolutely wild how we just expect people to figure it out over night?? madness! you're doing so so well just by being here and getting yourself familiar with this place! even if you spend the next year just reading prompts and thinking of scenarios, you're still doing a fantastic job!

tumblr can be a fantastic place, but it's still a brand new experience, and most of us have been here for so long that we understand the general gist of what's going on. we know the good, the bad and the ugly sides of everything. and what i always strive for in this particular blog is to have a space where people can ask for help and support one another, because let's be honest, if we can't do that, then why on earth are we calling ourselves a community? so if you have any questions, or if you want some help, please don't be scared to ask! i can already tell that you've got the perfect mindset for the rpc!

[seospicybin]

ONE OF A KIND.

Felix x reader. (s,f)

Synopsis: When you live in a small island there’s nothing more exciting than meet a new man in town, Felix. It’s getting more peculiarly nostalgic as if you feel like you’ve known him for years. (12,7k words)

Author's note: Last one of my One series and I'm sorry?

Out of all the days in the week, your favorite is Friday.

Not because you're working a 9 to 5 job and the next day after that is the weekend.

You like Friday because you like how everyone seems to be more relaxed on that particular day. It's a day you choose to do everything you wanted to do.

You wake up to the sound of the waves crashing from afar and the sound of the wind-chime you hang in your window, you look out to see the glimmering surface of the sea blinding you.

As the smell of the ocean fills your nostrils, you can tell that it is going to be a good day.

The warm shower washes your sleep away and you pick your favorite summer dress from the closet. Blue like the sky with tiny white roses dotted the fabric and it fits you perfectly.

It's always sunny on this island, it's so small that you can go anywhere with your bike and you know it like the back of your hand, but that's why you like it.

It feels like your small private island.

The first thing to do is visit your sister's bakery for breakfast.

Your choice will always be the cinnamon roll and just from the smell alone, already make you salivate. But what makes cinnamon rolls taste so good and leave you wanting more is the sweetness of the glaze which is made from cream cheese, confectioners' sugar, warm butter, and vanilla extract with a hint of salt.

It's sweet and savory, the perfect treat to start your day with.

"Coffee?" Your sister offers.

"I'll get it myself," you say, going behind the counter to prepare a cup of coffee for yourself.

"Be careful, it's hot!" Your sister warns like she already knew you're about to touch the wrong side of the coffee pot.

You chuckle at the sheer luck, "thank you!"

Carefully, you pour the hot coffee into your cup and before you can get it to the table, a customer enters the place and walks up to the counter to order.

Your sister is in the back kitchen, probably getting a fresh batch of bakery out of the oven. It's not a loss to help her even though it's your day off.

He smiles as soon as you face him, a kind smile, not a flirty one, but one that you rarely get especially in the morning when people haven't gotten caffeine in their system yet.

"Good morning!"

"Morning!" He greets back without looking at you.

"Can I help you?"

He looks at you for a few more seconds as if to wait for you to offer something else than coffee or bread.

After a moment, he finally comes up with an order, "I'd like a cup of latte."

It surprises you how his voice doesn't sound like it belongs to him. It's deep and low, in contrast to his pretty features and slim figure.

"One latte!" You repeat and add it to the till machine.

He saunters to the display counter filled with all kinds of bakery goods and a selection of cakes.

"And... one pain au chocolat," he adds.

A chuckle escapes your mouth.

"Something funny?" He asks with a confused smile.

You feel bad for the way you behaved, making it seems like you make fun of him, "I'm sorry, it's just that people usually called it a chocolate croissant," you explain with an apologetic smile.

"It's the first time someone addressed it by its French name, huh?"

"I'm sorry. I feel bad for laughing," you apologize again with your head down, can't look him in the eyes.

"That's alright," he assures you.

"Anything else?"

"That's it!" He says.

You calculate everything and inform him how much he should pay, take the money and hurriedly hand him the change.

He waits by the end of the counter for his order and you make sure that you get it right, you don't need another embarrassing moment to share with him.

You slide the tray with his order to him, "Enjoy!" You keep it short then run to the back with your coffee and cinnamon rolls.

You're planning on spending the morning drawing a thing or two before you start cycling around the island.

"May I sit here?" Someone asks.

You glance to see the man who spoke little French earlier with his coffee cup in hand.

You consider it for a little while but he doesn't seem like the type to chat a lot, you shrug and gesture for him to sit.

"Thank you," he mutters with another gentle smile and sits across from you.

With the morning sunlight shining through the window, you can see the freckles on his face, like God sprinkled the stars on his face.

He pulls out a book from his bag, you can't see the title since he puts the book down on the table, reading it quietly with his eyes and the beautiful eyelashes that rest along his eyelids.

That makes your head wander off without you intending to. You remind yourself to hurry up and take out your journal from your bag. Nothing makes you feel more excited than a new, clean page.

You look around for anything to draw and see magpies perching on the tree across the street.

In the middle of it though you wonder why your journal seems so empty despite you feeling like you have drawn a lot of things in it.

You take a bite of your cinnamon rolls and a sip of your coffee after.

"You like drawing?" He suddenly asks.

You are too busy drawing and didn't notice he has been watching you. It's too late to hide it now, you decide to let the journal open, then answer him, "yes."

"I like that one," he points to the drawing on the previous page.

You smile and look at it, "it's a drawing of the sunset on the hill."

"The hill?"

You nod, "have you been there?"

"No," he shortly answers.

You take a look at him again and get this feeling that he feels so oddly familiar but you swear you have never seen him before.

"Have we met before?" You dared yourself to ask.

He pauses for a moment and closes his book, "No, I'm new in town."

He puts his book into his bag, "why?"

You awkwardly chuckle and rub your chin nervously, "I don't know why but I feel like I have seen you before."

"Ah!" He nods, "maybe you have seen me around before."

"Maybe," you vaguely answer but that's plausible since it's a small town anyway. You decide to pick up your pencil and continue drawing.

"How long have you been living here?" He asks out of the blue.

"All my life," you answer.

"That means you know everything about this island?"

"I guess I can confidently say yes to that," you answer with a polite smile.

He sips his drink, "Actually, I haven't gone around much," he says.

He leans forward on the table, "I wonder if you can show me around?"

You snort in response.

And just like he knows you thought he was joking he quickly adds, "I'll pay for the service, of course!"

He is serious and he's willing to pay you just to be his tour guide for the day. You make a quick observation and assess it in your head, that he seems smart, polite, and warm, as warm as the morning sun feels on your skin that morning.

There's no harm in taking a sudden job offer, consider this killing two birds with one stone even though you're not that keen on killing animals for that matter.

"Why me?"

He shrugs, "because you are a true local, there's no one who knows this town better than a local," he eloquently answers with that kind smile.

You call it a kind smile because there's no hint of malice in it, just pure kindness like he was born into the world with a smile like an angel.

He's a decent man with no intentions to harm you, that kind smile assures you that.

You chuckle at his remark, "then you should hire the chief, not me."

"I've seen the chief, he's not my type," he jokes with a low laugh.

"And I am your type?" You joke back.

"A beautiful girl like you is my type," he innocently answers like he's prepared that answer beforehand.

You laugh at how straightforward he is and that is enough proof that he's not from this town.

"I can show you a few places," you say while calculating how many places can you visit in one day.

"A few places is enough," he says.

You close your journal and put your pencil back into its case, "can you ride a bicycle?"

He props a hand under his chin, "as far as I remember, yes," he answers.

After telling him that the two of you will be riding the bicycle, you're going to the back of the shop to borrow your sister's bike to lend to the new guy in town.

It comes to your realization that you haven't introduced yourself to him, you bring the bike to him, then introduced yourself.

He holds his hand out at you with that sweet smile on his face, "I'm Felix," he introduces himself.

The moment your hand touches his, you get a funny feeling that resembles something like reuniting with an old friend. You clearly mistake it and decide to laugh it off.

"Get ready!" You quickly hold the handlebars of your bike.

"So, what is our first destination?" He asks, following you and walking the bike to the front of the bakery.

You get on your bike and look over your shoulder at him "we're going to see the stars," you answer with a sly smile.

"Stars? But it's only 9 am!" He says, perplexed.

You ride your bike at a much slower pace since you're guiding someone for a trip around the town and the first destination is close enough that there's no need to rush.

"The observatory?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

You nod and parked your bike on the available spot, then help him with his.

The head of security of this place is a regular at the bakery, you know his order by heart, half a dozen of glazed donuts and a cup of coffee with two sugars and cream.

He always reminds you to come to the observatory and you're more than happy to come here every day but let's not be inconsiderate because this man works there and you may get him in trouble.

"Don't get your hopes up, we're not going to the observatory," you tell him as he follows you to enter a building.

"But we're going to the planetarium," you add before he gets disappointed, pointing to the other building in the vicinity.

Someone stops you from entering the place with your hand already holding the handle of the door, "I'm sorry miss, but the planetarium only opens to the public on the weekends," he says.

If you haven't seen him before that means he's probably new security. You softly laugh and calmly explain, "I understand that you don't know me but can you tell Mr. Park that it's me coming to the planetarium?"

He stands between you and the door to the planetarium, "I'm sorry, miss, I can't allow you," he persists.

You glance at Felix and it's obvious that you're not the only one uncomfortable about this. It's your first destination and it's already getting embarrassing that you feel like wanting to shrink into a microscopic size.

"Can you at least try and call Mr. Park first, please?" You plead one more time.

"There's no one named Mr. Park in here," the new security says.

You scoff in disbelief, "he's the head of security here," you almost snap but remind yourself to keep calm. It was only yesterday that you packed him a half dozen of donuts and a coffee to go.

Felix has a right to be confused by this but he looks just as upset as you, he steps into the matter and says, "I think we can surely make a phone call to confirm."

He then takes the security aside and you can't hear what they're talking about because they're out of your earshot.

After a moment, they're walking back to you and the security pushes the door open.

"Not more than an hour," he warns as he lets the two of you inside.

Felix grabs your hand leading you inside. Even though the matter is solved, you can't stop feeling embarrassed because of it.

"So, what are we going to do here?" He asks.

You keep looking down at your feet, suddenly feel stupid for taking him here just because you know someone from the inside, "I don't know why I'm taking you here," you meekly say.

"Well, it must be because you find this place interesting," Felix says.

For someone who has just met you roughly an hour ago, he puts his faith so much in you. You don't know whether he's overly chivalrous or you should be suspicious of him.

"It's a bad idea to take you here," you sigh, regretting your choice for taking him here of all places you know on the island.

He gently grabs your elbow and says, "come on, we don't have much time!"

That makes you realize you've been wasting time contemplating your choice. Since you're already inside anyway, there's no use to fret.

You start walking and showing him around with both of your footsteps echoing in the empty planetarium.

You skip right to the place you wanted to show him, to the dome where there's a projection of stars on the dome. Mr. Park has shown you how to turn the projection on, you're not forgetting to turn the lights off before joining Felix in the center of the room.

"We're going to be standing here?" He awkwardly asks.

You shake your head and pull him by the hand to sit down next to you.

"Oh okay, we're sitting," he says as he gets comfortable sitting on the floor

But then you lay down on the floor and Felix follows suit, slowly laying his body next to you. In a second, the ceiling of the dome is filled with countless stars and they're the closest he has ever seen yet they're still out of his reach.

"What's your star sign?" You ask.

"Virgo."

You scan the projection to find his constellation and look between the Leo and Libra constellations.

"There!" You point to the constellation that forms a lazy Y shape.

He looks to where you point at the ceiling of the dome and gasps, "oh, that one?"

"It's the second largest constellation in the sky," you explain.

"Oh, wow!" He exclaims in awe and sounds truthfully fascinated by it.

You turn to look at him to know if he's enjoying this little amusement that is personal to you because you never show it to anyone else before.

Notices that you're looking at him, he turns his head and smiles at you.

"Beautiful!" He softly says.

And you can say the same thing about the constellations his freckles made on his cheeks.

You look away thinking you'll weird him out if you look at him for long, "yeah, it's beautiful."

With the absence of lights, the stars look more vivid and the dark that surrounded the two of you, makes it feels like the two of you floating in outer space.

Just the two of you.

-

The sun is shining so brightly but the winds are a bit cold for a summer day.

You're not complaining though because it helps you not to sweat a lot, it feels refreshing that the wind slips through your hair as you keep pedaling your bike.

Once in a while, you look over your shoulder to make sure you don't go too fast and leave Felix behind.

"You're supposed to take me to a gift shop at the end of the tour," Felix says but doesn't look like he's complaining at all.

You chuckle, "It's so that we don't have to go back and forth..."

You stop explaining as he keeps staring at you, it's the eyes that tell so much more than just a stare, the eyes making you feel embraced.

It almost feels like he sees someone that he hasn't seen in a long time.

But that's only possible if the two of you had met before.

"Are you sure we never met before?" You blurt out as you park your bike outside the gift shop.

Felix chuckles and parks his bike next to yours, skipping on answering your question.

The gift shop sells handmade products that are made by the locals, ranging from t-shirts to little figurines made of glass.

You let him look around the shop before taking him to the second floor where there's a room with dozens of wind-chime hanging around the room.

"It's where they make wind-chime," you say.

There's a big wooden table in the middle of the room, cluttering with materials from seashells to feathers and tools scattering around.

"Have you ever made one yourself?"

You nod, "I have one in my house."

"I'd like to see," he says.

You chuckle because he takes your answer as an indirect invitation to come to your house. You'll never get used to his bluntness but you don't mind it either. It surprises you how much you tolerate him even though he's a stranger you've just met hours ago.

"Yeah, sure," You joke because it's the only proper way to respond to that.

When a gust of wind blows in, the wind-chime clink together and collectively make chiming sounds that filled the room with music.

They keep swaying in the direction of where the wind blows.

"Do you want to try and make one?" You ask.

"I'm bad at DIY," he answers with a grimace.

You laugh at how honest he is, there's no pretending in everything he says or does which is very rare. When you meet someone new, they usually hide behind their facade of what kind of person they wanted to be perceived as.

Something about Felix convinces you he has no fear of showing his true self to you.

That scares you a little but at the same time, keeps you intrigued.

Felix takes a few pictures with his phone before going back to the first floor where he continues looking around the shop for something to buy.

You wait for him by the cashier while looking at the beaded bracelets on the counter when all of a sudden a little girl comes to you and hugs you.

"Hi, hello," you greet with a confused tone.

She doesn't say anything but wraps her hands around your waist and looks up at you.

"I'm done looking around," Felix comes back while clutching a few things in his chest and sees the little girl hugging you.

You shake your head at him, "I have no idea," you lowly mutter to him.

Felix puts down the things he's going to buy on the counter and squats down to be at the same eye level as the little girl.

"Can you please tell your mom that I need to pay?" He sweetly asks while fixing the little girl's hair endearingly.

The little girl still not saying anything but nods at him.

"Good girl! Now go, go, go..." he's cheering for her as she gets inside the house to get her mom.

You tip your head to the side even more confused than before, "how do you know she's the daughter of the owner?"

He shrugs, "well... that's the only thing that makes sense," he vaguely explains while uneasily looking at a cart of postcards.

A few minutes later, the owner of the gift shop comes out with the little girl trailing behind her.

"I'm sorry for making you wait," the owner says and immediately packs Felix's things while counting them.

"I don't know you have a daughter," you say because as far as you remember, the owner of the giftshop lives with her brother who made all of those wind-chime and they're both not married yet.

She awkwardly chuckles and answers, "she's my... uh, little cousin."

You nod and take a look at the girl again, how she shares an uncanny resemblance with the owner, "she has your eyes," you pointed out.

She takes Felix's credit card to process the purchase, "yeah, many people said the same thing," she sheepishly says.

Then she returns Felix's card and hands him his things, "thank you!"

Felix smiles at her while putting his card back into his wallet, he then turns at you, "shall we go?"

"Sure," you say.

You smile at the owner and wave at the little girl before exiting the gift shop.

-

After having a quick lunch at a food truck by the beach, you take Felix for a short walk to the ice cream parlor for desserts.

"They have the best ice cream on the island," you brag to him while pushing the door to get inside.

"Oh yeah?"

You turn around as Felix enters after you, "and it's my treat," you say.

The ice cream parlor is a place to go especially after spending time at the beach and you know the owner well, you have been a regular since you were little.

And on Friday, they always give an extra scoop of ice cream.

"Hi, can I take your order?" The girl says in her pink and yellow uniform that matches the interior of the ice cream parlor.

"In a minute," you say and give time for Felix to choose a flavor from the selection displayed on the counter.

"They're all looking good," he says with wrinkled brows like this is a life-or-death decision to make.

"What would you recommend?" He asks you.

You point to the display counter, "Cookies and cream or the... peanut butter?" you recommend but to be honest, you're indecisive too when it comes to ice cream.

"They're all good," you add.

He laughs because you're only making it hard for him to choose.

"What are you having?"

"Chocolate chip cookie dough," you reply.

Seeing that he still needs time to decide, you order first while taking out your wallet from your bag, "I'll have one chocolate chip cookie dough on a cone."

She takes your order and types something on the computer.

"Do I get an extra scoop?" You ask.

"I'm sorry?"

"I get an extra scoop on Friday," you point to the poster on the wall for the promotion. It's clearly written extra scoop on Friday in bold fonts.

"Yes, but it's not Friday," she calmly explains.

Felix grabs your elbow and once again, steps into the matter that you guess he's about to solve.

"And I'll have the butter pecan," he adds and pulls out his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans.

"Hey, I'm paying," you remind him and hurriedly pull out your card from your wallet.

He looks at you and smiles, "I'll just cut it from your pay later," he simply says.

Felix hands the cashier his credit card and says, "and don't forget the extra scoops."

The cashier looks at him with a baffled expression but after a moment, she takes his card from him.

In the end, you get your extra scoop but something is tugging at your chest. When you look back at all the strange things happening today, it's like you know you missed something but you can't pinpoint what it is.

"Are we going to watch the sunset at the beach?" Felix asks as he walks beside you.

You softly laugh seeing the ice cream on the corner of his mouth, you grab his arm and turn him to face you.

"Stay still for me," you order and take a napkin you brought.

You slowly dab his mouth with the napkin and can't help but notice that he's looking at your lips, you hand him the napkin after and look away.

"I have a better place to watch the sunset from," you say.

The bike ride to your next destination is going to be a tough one since the road is steep and bumpy.

But if you want to make it there for the sunset, you have to keep pedaling even though your legs are screaming in pain.

You both eventually stopped pedaling and get off your bikes, deciding to walk them for the rest of the journey up the hill.

Felix fortunately puts all of his trust in you, he doesn't complain or keep asking where you're taking him, which is normal if he does.

Surprisingly though, he's very calm about it.

You put the bikes next to a tree and you take out a bottle of water from your bag, handing it to him.

"Thanks!" He mutters to you and impatiently uncaps the bottle to drink it.

You take another one from your bag and take a big long gulp before start walking to where you're going to watch the sunset.

"What is this place?" Felix asks while taking another sip of water.

"Ruins of a castle," you answer.

There's a crease formed between his eyebrows in a curl of a question mark.

You softly laugh before explaining further, "not exactly a castle but there used to be a birdwatching tower here."

You lead him climbing up the stairs that remained from the ruins and stopping by the concrete barrier, looking out at the sea that seems to be one with the sky.

Felix stands next to you, taking in the breathtaking view in silence while you're observing him.

"You don't seem to be impressed," you say and you've never been this blunt to someone you recently acquainted with, somehow with him, it feels like okay to do that.

He smiles and takes a long deep breath, "which one do you think matters the most? The place or the people you're with?"

Instead of answering your question, he asks you with a new one that got you thinking long and hard.

Your head starts to make scenarios in your head. One is that you go to a beautiful place but you come with your least favorite person to be with and the other one is you go to a horrible place but it's with someone you love.

If you compare those two, the latter seems to be a better answer.

"The people," you answer.

Felix's head is tilted up to see the sky turning golden as the sun is going down with the day and after a moment, he finally turns his head to look at you.

"I really like this place," he says.

He stares into your eyes as if the reflection of the sunset in them is more stunning than the one happening at the end of the horizon.

Then he leans in a little closer at you, "but I like the person I'm with more," he finishes with a soft smile with his eyes filled with warmth. Even with the daylight almost gone, he's luminescent and bright, how come you've never seen such a face?

However, this feeling and this moment you're sharing right now are almost nostalgic like it has happened before.

Is this what people called as fate? Everything about him puts the pieces right in their places.

"Do you want to go see the wind-chime at my house?" You blurt out the question as if he wouldn't get that the wind-chime is just an excuse.

A smile rises on his face as the sun set for the day, "sure."

-

Before it gets too dark, you slowly ride your bikes down the hill and take a few shortcuts to your house.

You arrived just in time as the sun fully disappeared and the moon has taken its place in the sky.

You turn on all of the lights in the house before letting him in and quickly excused yourself to the bathroom, aware that he can see all the beads of sweat on your face.

You wash your face, apply lip balm, brush your hair, and spray a little perfume before getting out of the bathroom. You may still look exhausted but at least you smell nice.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I haven't offered you a drink," you say the moment you see him standing there in the living room, looking out at the back garden with the view of the sea.

"That's okay," he says.

You go to the kitchen and suddenly forgot where you put your things in there, "water? Soda? Juice?"

"Anything will do!"

You take a glass from the top cabinet, "a glass of anything then!" You joke as you open the fridge to get a carton of juice.

His laugh is deep and echoing in the house, "do you mind if I take a look around?"

"Oh please, make yourself at home," you kindly reply and watches him making his way out to the back porch.

You bring the glass of juice in your hand knowing that he must be in your little studio and find him looking at your drawings.

"Here you go!" You give him his glass of juice.

"Thank you," He doesn't waste time taking a sip and puts the glass down on the table.

He then continues looking at the drawings you put on the wall and doing it so attractively, you get to see his side profile of sharp jaws, a small nose, and lips.

"Your drawings are beautiful!"

His deep voice is enough to get you out of your reverie, you immediately mutter your gratitude, "thanks!"

"You're a great artist!" He praises once again.

It's the way he delivers the praise that got your heart palpitations, "I'm not an artist yet but I got a scholarship to attend an art school this year," you don't want to brag but this kind of opportunity doesn't come often.

"In fact, I'm leaving next month," you add with an excited laugh, still can't believe it yourself.

Felix's gaze turns a shade dimmer like he has just heard something awful, "wow, congratulations!" He says but the excitement isn't there.

"Thank you!" Yet you sincerely thanked him for it.

You remember you haven't asked him his intention on this island, "how about you?"

"Huh?"

"Are you here for a vacation or do you plan on staying?" You ask out of curiosity.

"Or do you like my sister's pain au chocolat too much?" You add a joke at the end to not make it seems like you're pressuring him to answer.

He smiles and turns to face you, "I'm staying."

"Permanently?"

"It seems like that, yeah," he answers.

It's too early to assume that he was sad to know that you'll be leaving soon when he only started living on the island but you can't help it either.

"Well, you'll love it here," you tell him, and deep inside you got inexplicably sad that you only met him now.

You both exchange a gaze that elicits the same emotions, of something tender but sorrowful. How do you even have these sorts of feelings toward someone you know barely hours ago?

It's a mystery but you like how you can comfortably look into his eyes and drown yourself in them.

Felix breaks the eye contact first and asks, "so, where's the wind-chime?"

You slightly got a bit jittery, "it's uhm... it's in the other room," you can't find yourself saying the exact location but leads him there.

You both go back inside the house and turn to the right to enter one of the rooms.

Once he stepped inside, Felix calmly walks up to the window and pushes it open to let the air in.

The wind-chime sways and makes clinking sounds, "yours is beautiful," he compliments.

"I bet you know the wind-chime is just an excuse," you shyly say.

He sheepishly smiles and nods.

You approach him and stop right next to him, looking at his face under the pale moonlight that adds a mystifying glow, and makes him appear like a mythical entity.

"Can I kiss you?" You know your curiosity can only be answered with a kiss.

"I swear to you I've never done this before," you start to blabber because that's what you do when you're nervous.

"But you feel so oddly familiar to me like we've met and known each other for years, I just wanted to—"

Before you can finish your sentence, he leans in and closes the gap between your bodies.

It's like the stars aligned the moment your lips touched, it's ethereal and just right.

Your eyes are still closed when he pulls away and you try so hard to find a name for this peculiar feeling, one that resembles a feeling of coming home.

"Is it bad?" He asks with his hands still cupping your face as you stay quiet for a good minute.

You open your eyes and slowly shake your head, "kissing a stranger," you lowly mutter.

You jerk your head back in confusion, "I've never done that before..."

Felix softly chuckles, "yeah, you told me."

You touch his face and swipe your thumb over his small lips, "can we kiss again?"

Strange that you don't see any signs of confusion on Felix's face, "of course, yeah," he answers while laughing.

You're the one leaning in this time and gently place your lips on his, feeling his warm soft lips against yours for a few seconds then let go.

"Interesting..." you sigh in a perplexed tone.

Felix drops his hands to hold you by the waist and you like how he feels around you, safe and comfortable.

You look at his face and laugh at this funny thought that crossed your head, "can we do more than just a kiss?"

Felix once again doesn't seem to be surprised by the question but cracks a laugh at you, "is that what you want?"

You laugh again while burying your face in his chest, drinking in his natural scent mixed with sunshine and sea breeze.

Then you shyly nod without looking at him.

"We can do that," Felix says with his mouth close to the top of your head.

After a while, you look up at him and do not hesitate to kiss him, "maybe after a few more of this," you say between kisses.

And he caters to your wants, returning the kisses with the same passion while holding you close.

"Should we go to bed?" You ask.

Felix doesn't answer but takes you to your bed, patting the space next to him.

However, you choose to sit on his lap and straddle him, kissing him again only to be the one who breaks it again, "I can't believe I asked you that," you say with a low laugh.

You plant a long kiss on his lips and sigh, "I swear to you I am not the type to ask someone I barely know to have sex with me, I—"

You pause to catch a breath from your constant blabbering.

Felix brushes your hair to the side and endearingly cups your jaw, "are you nervous?"

You put your hands around his neck, "a little."

"Do you want to continue?"

"Yes," you answer rather too quickly but you're way past embarrassing yourself at this point.

Felix sweetly smiles as he puts all of your hair away to the side and holds them there, "you're so beautiful."

It's the sincerity in his voice that assured you that his compliments aren't just empty words, they are genuine.

You want to adore him in the same way, one hand slips in his dark locks, and the other trails his defined jaw, you use the chance to play connect the dots with the freckles on his face.

"And you are so, so beautiful," you mutter back as earnestly as possible your voice quivering along with your heart.

The kisses he places on your lips next feel softer and longer than the previous ones but they hold intensity in them, hungry and a little possessive as if someone will take it from him.

And the next kiss is explosive as if this one unlocked the insecurities in both of you, setting them free.

Felix starts to take the dress off of you, exposing your skin to the cool night air and raising goosebumps all over your body.

"I have to warn you that I might be bad at it," you say as Felix puts your dress away.

"At what?" He asks back.

"Sex," you meekly answer.

He takes your hands and put them on his chest, "I'll be the judge of that," he calmly says.

Somehow your hands know what to do and start working the buttons of his shirt, impatiently parting it open after seeing the muscles he hides underneath that shirt.

He helps by taking it off of him and putting it aside, drawing you close to him again, kissing you hungrier than before.

You both collapse onto the bed and tangled your bodies like two slithering snakes, touching and kneading, lips endlessly attached.

More pieces of clothing are off until there are none but mere skins and limbs on the white sheet.

Felix sinks his mouth onto your neck and kisses you there, wet kisses that make you flutter on the inside. Like you aren't intoxicated enough, he slides his mouth down your chest and hovers there, taking your breast in his mouth in turns.

Your soft moans fill the space and echo in the room, your hand slips into his silky fine hair. 

You tug a little harder at it as he sucks harder on your nipple that Felix lets out a yelp.

"I'm sorry," you quickly apologize.

You gently rub his scalp with your fingertips to soothe the pain, "it's just that... they're so sensitive," you meekly admit.

Felix uses his index finger to rub your nipple in circular motions with his eyes looking at you through his lashes, "are they?"

You bite your lower lip to stop yourself from moaning and nod, "If you keep doing that, I may—" your words got cut off as Felix tugs your nipple between his teeth, then takes a mouthful of your ample flesh in his mouth.

Felix lets go with a popping sound, leaving your breast swollen and wet with his saliva.

He hastily kisses your mouth then brings his mouth close to your ear, "you know what?"

You turn your head to the side to look at him and mutter, "what?"

He presses his mouth into your other ear, "I can't wait to be inside you," his hot breath tickling, sending a shiver down your spine.

You feel the knot inside you ever so slowly tightening the more he aroused you.

Felix's hand is reaching for the drawers on the bedside table and you guess he's looking for condoms.

"It's on the second drawer," you tell him while watching his hand pull it open and take a condom out of the box.

It's probably a common thing that people keep condoms close to the bed, you reckon since Felix seems to know where you put them.

He sits on the edge of the bed, tears the wrapper open, and put the condom on, crawling back onto the bed once he's done.

He's smiling so sweetly as he hovers above you, placing small fluttering kisses on the side of your face. A hand glides down your body to part your legs open.

You capture his lips for a long, lingering kiss before letting him go, spreading your legs open for you.

Felix gives his cock a few pumps, wetting it with your essence as he rubs his length down your slit repeatedly.

He then put your legs over his and aligns his cock with your entrance, he holds your thighs as he slowly pushes in.

You grip the sheet underneath you and lowly moan as he keeps pushing the remaining length deeper into you.

The hand that holds your thigh, clawing into the flesh and making crescent marks on the skin.

With the last push of his hips, his cock is fully sheathed in your tight walls and he lets a low growl of satisfaction.

Felix lowers himself on you and places a kiss on your lips, taking a moment together to adjust to being inside each other.

You wrap your legs and arms around him, absorbing the heat his slim body emitting, feeling him skin to skin.

The quietness in the room only adds to the intimacy, there's nothing but the sound of your breathing and your body against each other.

Felix slowly thrusts into you but it's the stares deeply into your eyes that make you feel vulnerable under him. A hand holds the side of your head and brushes your hair to the side with such loving.

He softly smiles before speaking, "you're so quiet," he says and your eyes flutter shut as he places a long peck on your lips.

He cups your jaw and holds your gaze, "Is that good or bad?"

You lowly chuckle, a little hesitating to give him an honest answer but he needs to know.

"Good," you shortly reply.

He raises an eyebrow at you with his head slightly tipped to the side.

"Too good to be honest," you shamelessly admit.

The sweet smile returns to his face although he's deep inside you and fucking you like no one ever did to you.

He kisses your open mouth with his tongue invading yours, tasting more of you.

The moment he lets go, you gasp for air and feel a little lightheaded.

He wipes the mess around your lips and gives you a long peck after.

Felix is back kneeling on the bed, hands gripping your waist as you arch your back for him, giving him the right angle to thrust into you deeper.

He picks up the pace and you can feel yourself slipping away, drunk in pleasure. Your hands seek his but ended up holding his forearms.

"Oh my—" you start mumbling incoherent words and moaning at the same time.

Felix seems to be enjoying the sight as he lowly grunts through his gritted teeth, he lets go of your waist to hold your hands, intertwining them with his.

"You're so beautiful, my love," he murmurs.

Did you hear it right? Did he just call you that? 'My love'? Isn't it enough just by fucking you that he needs to call you that and makes your heart flutter in a heating moment like this?

Unexpectedly, Felix only lets the moment lasts for a while, he lets go of your hands and pulls out of you.

You let out a whine at the sudden emptiness and your eyes snap open, confused at this abrupt stop when it's getting really good.

It seems like Felix isn't as annoyed as you, he flashes you a sly smile and makes space on the bed.

He puts his hands under your thighs and holds them up, parting them open to sink his head in between.

A moan escapes your mouth as his hot mouth touches your dripping cunt and Felix makes out with it, using his tongue and lips.

It's messy but inexplicably hot, he licks you up and down your slit then drags his tongue to your clit to suck so hard on it.

You almost clamp him between your legs but he lifts his head at the right time. Felix makes a trail of kisses on your inner thigh while his hands knead the flesh.

It's like he knows how to touch you the right way, there's not one that you find uncomfortable. It's only possible if you had sex a few times together, it's either that or he knows how to please someone.

Next thing you know, he's back hovering above you, kissing you, all over your face and neck. He lays next to you and turns your body to face the other way with your back against his chest, then he holds his arm out to be your pillow which you gladly rest your head on.

He's peppering your neck and shoulder with wet little kisses and one hand makes its way to your wet core, fingering you even though you're already dripping down your thigh.

When he deems you're wet enough for him to penetrate again, he enters you once again from behind.

You can clearly hear his low groans as his mouth is so close to your ear.

"You feel so good," he murmurs into your ear, lips grazing your ear shell as he speaks.

"Gosh, I can feel you tightening around me," he adds.

Well, guess he knows that you like how he softly speaks into your ear and the deep voice doesn't help but make you even more aroused.

You curve your hand around his face and bring his head closer, turning your head to meet his hungry mouth for your lips.

Felix starts moving once again, a hand pulls your leg higher and thrusts deeper into you.

The knot inside you keeps tightening as well, your hand keeps holding his hand as Felix maintains his slow yet intensely hard thrusts.

"Close, mmh?" He asks you along with a sloppy kiss on your cheek.

Unable to provide a verbal answer, you stifle a nod at him.

Felix wraps your body with his arms and holds you so tightly as he picks up the pace of his thrusts, harder and deeper.

"Let's cum together, yeah?" He tells you.

Still, you can't force your foggy brain to form a verbal answer so you nod again. You can only grab his chin to kiss him again and moan into his mouth.

You cum almost at the same time not long after with your bodies sticking together like you are two puzzle pieces that fill each other's nooks and crooks.

When you think about it, it has been a long tiring day, tiring yet fulfilling, and now you feel so tired.

Felix kisses you and holds you close, cuddling you under the cover without pulling out yet. You like how each kiss gives you the same tingling feeling that you giggle like a schoolgirl. When his mouth is back on yours again, you kiss him back wholeheartedly until your heart aches.

"That was so good," you praise him with a shy smile.

"And you said you're bad at it," he says while clicking his tongue.

Just like your body can't find another time to interrupt, your stomach grumbles and you realize you haven't had dinner yet. You close your eyes in embarrassment as if that would hide you from him.

Felix lowly chuckles and kisses your cheek, "I'll go clean up and cook dinner for us," he says.

He kisses you again to finally get up from the bed and goes to the bathroom, leaving you on the bed alone still high in pleasure.

You allow yourself to lie for a minute before getting up as well, putting on a t-shirt. Since Felix plans to cook dinner, a thought runs into your head, you doubt you have something to cook in your fridge, so you hurriedly go to the kitchen to check the fridge.

You don't remember doing grocery shopping and stocking your fridge with a lot of vegetables, you give up on trying to remember things and shrug it off.

It's a relief that there's something for Felix to cook besides the packs of ramen in the top kitchen cabinet.

It takes Felix a long time in the bathroom and you figure he must be looking for towels or something, you jog back to your bedroom to tell him.

You knock his bag off the dining table on the way there and the contents scatter out of its bag, book, pens, wallet, notes, keys, everything.

"Oh no!" You immediately squat down to pick up the things on the floor, putting them back into his bag.

The book is the last thing you pick and it's the book he was reading at the bakery shop this morning, you turn to see the cover.

It's your favorite book from a Russian writer and Felix comes out of your room.

"I accidentally dropped your bag," you quickly explain before he gets the wrong idea.

"You're reading my favorite book," you blurt out of excitement.

“I think... if it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.”

You proceed to recite your favorite quote from the book with a smile on your face then flip open the book.

The smile fades as you recognize the handwriting on the first page, of your initial so you wouldn't lose your copy of the book.

You glance up at Felix whose eyes turn dim like a candle in the wind, "Is this mine?"

He doesn't answer but takes a few steps closer to you.

"Stop right there!" You snap at him with your hand outstretched to stop him from coming close to you.

"H—how do you have my book?" You ask him and lift the book right at him.

Felix seems to struggle to stay where he is, he keeps wanting to get close to you but resists the urge. He takes a deep breath, then says, "I can explain everything."

He takes a careful step towards you but you take a step away from him, maintaining a big gap between you.

"Don't come any closer!" You snap again and hold the book by the spine, ready to throw it at him if he tries to get close to you.

"Give me a chance to explain everything," he pleads with his arms reaching out to you.

His plead means nothing compares to the fear you're feeling right now. Not knowing who he is yet he has been keeping your book in his bag this whole time and you have no idea how he gets ahold of it. On top of that, you feel betrayed because he has been nothing but nice to you.

"Just tell me how the fuck you have my book?" You raise your voice and aim the book at him, something slips off from between the pages of the book and onto the floor.

It looks like a pamphlet from an art exhibition and you're about to glance away from it until you see it, a picture of you on the pamphlet.

"What is this?" You ask Felix.

"Why my picture is on this?"

He looks so sad rather than panic with his hands staying on his side with his face drops, "Let's sit down and I'll explain everything to you, please?"

You refuse to reconcile with him, you put the book down on the armrest of the sofa to read what the pamphlet says since it has a picture of you.

It has your name on it then a short biography of you, you skim the part you already know about your life, then to the part where it gets strange.

"... known opulent colors and dynamic compositions, she's considered to be one of the best artists of the past decade. With just a few confident lines, she could convey gestures and emotions.

Her love for drawing started at a young age and in her early 20s, she planned to move to the capital city of art after accepting a scholarship to the prestigious art school that's also an alma mater to many talented artists.

A month prior to the plan, she got into a terrible accident that caused severe brain damage which got her diagnosed with amnesia anterograde, a type of memory loss that occurs when one can't form new memories. She permanently loses the ability to learn or retain any new information.

Ever since she wakes up living the same day over and over again, that is August 21 when the tragic accident happened.

But what remains different from her day is the drawing she made that captures the beauty of the island she lives in through her eyes.

Every drawing shown in the exhibition is taken right from her personal journal and has been carefully selected by the person who discovered her talent, a retired dancer, Felix Lee.

This drawing series proves two things: that there are no boundaries in art and just like the title of the exhibition itself, her talent is one of a kind."

It's like reading about a life that isn't yours. You refuse to believe it and throw it across the room. That is not you, someone has been pulling a prank on you.

"I would have known if I got into a tragic accident? What brain damage?" You laugh it off while pacing the room.

"You got hit by a car when you were on your bike, you were on your way to the castle on the hill," he speaks with his eyes closed as if it hurts to tell you that.

"No, that didn't happen!" You shake your head in disbelief and try to block him from messing with your head.

Felix remains where he is but looks terribly sad, "you have a scar on the right of your head to prove it," he meekly says.

"No, I don't!" You strongly deny his words.

He just stares at you with those sad and dim eyes, the ones that you hate to see on him.

"If this is some kind of joke to you, just know that it isn't funny!" You look him dead in the eyes as you warn him.

You know he's lying but you have to prove it yourself, your hand reaches for your head and slowly traces your scalp for any kind of...

There, you feel it, the indentation of a scar along the side of your head. You didn't feel it until you acknowledge it, it stings that your eyes start to water.

"What is this? I don't—" you keep denying it because you don't want it to be true.

You break down onto the floor as tears roll down your face, "I don't understand. I never got into an accident, I swear, I—"

Felix comes to hold you and you don't have any energy left in you to stop him, so you let him. You let him hold you so tight as if he wants to squeeze the sadness out of you.

"It's okay. It's not your fault," he says to you and tightens his hold around you.

"I don't believe it!" You deny still even though now you know that it's true and it hurts so much like a ton of bricks falls onto your head at once.

Felix lets you cry into his chest until you calm and your body stops shaking, he brings you a glass of water, then sits across from you.

He explains everything about how you got into the accident and what caused your memory loss, how have you been living. Everything starts to make sense, the familiar feelings, and the people, how this island stays the same but feels so strange to you.

"Are you the Felix Lee? The one who discovered me?" You ask while holding the glass of water in your hands.

"Yes."

"What are we?" You ask.

The question seems to surprise him, maybe it's too personal or too complicated for him to find a definite answer. You think of another question to ask him.

"Since when did you know me?"

"Last year." He answers.

"You've known me for a year?"

He nods.

"Did you know right away about my condition?"

He shakes his head and leans forward, clasping his hands in front of him, "I met you at your sister's bakery shop."

"Just like today?"

He nods again, "that's pretty much how we met," he confirms.

"Then?"

"You didn't recognize me the next day and we had a little argument, at one point you're about to splash me with your cup of coffee," he awkwardly chuckles.

You cringe hearing that from him but that's one of the things you'd likely do.

"Then your sister explained to me about your condition," he adds.

This is the part that intrigues you, he has the option to leave and remains a stranger to you. But why? He said it's been a year since he knew you yet he's here.

"Then why are you still here?" You ask.

"Because I fell in love with you," he shortly replies as if it's an obvious and the only right answer. As if those words won't make your heart aches from hearing it.

Tears start pooling in your eyes again, "why don't you fall in love with someone else?" Your voice breaks at the end of the sentence.

"Because they're not you," he answers.

You can't believe that he's been doing this for a year when he can have a life out there, and falls in love with someone who can make new memories with him every day.

"Why?" You croak as tears caught in your throat.

Felix's eyes are glossy and they're shining under the lights, "Because I love you and I want to be with you," he reaches for your hands and holds them.

"But I—" you pause to catch a breath, "But I won't remember you—" you can't finish your sentence as you start to sob.

Felix comes to your side and holds you again.

"I'll keep forgetting you every day," you say again and let it sink, in how tragic it is to not be able to remember him.

He holds your face in his hands, wiping the tears on your cheeks with such loving, "But you do remember me," he says.

But that only hurt you more, how you can't remember him and how it's frustrating to you. You kept saying how he feels familiar to you but can't remember who he is and that he's been by your side for the past year.

That explains the feelings you have for him, that it's there and it's real.

"And I don't want to forget you again," you sob into his chest.

It seems that it's not the first time Felix finds you like this and that's sad. Why did it happen to you? Who should you blame for this? The driver who lost control of his car? God?

All you know is blaming anyone or anything won't solve anything but make you suffer.

You're lucky you have someone who stays by your side and tries to remind you of him.

You look up at him and hold his face, "I wish we met the day before the accident," you say.

He shakes his head, "No, I wish you never had to experience all of this," he corrects you.

You kiss him with all of your heart and yes, you do remember him. This kiss, these lips, these hands that hold yours, and the warmth of his embrace.

It's him, your heart remembers him.

-

To put it simply, you have all of your memories from the earliest you remember until the day of the accident stored in your brain.

You just can't retain any new memories and your slate is wiped clean every night when you go to sleep. You wake up every day thinking that it's the day of the accident, August 21.

You can't believe that the whole town is keeping this from you but you also understand why they chose to do that, they don't want to hurt you with the harsh truth of your condition.

You believe that Felix has the same good intentions, he just wanted to protect you.

"Breakfast for dinner, huh?" You say as he serves you a plate of food in front of you. It consists of sautéed veggies, a baked potato with cheese, bacon, and toasted mini waffles.

"Is this my favorite of your cooking?"

"No," he replies.

Felix makes himself a plate of dinner too then sits next to you at the dining table, "your favorite is the grilled cheese but we had that yesterday," he adds.

When you think about it again, it's sad that you can't remember anything that you like about him. Just anything about him for that matter. You also understand that it takes a lot of patience to be with you and you're so grateful beyond words for him.

You take his hand and hold it there on your lap, "So I guess Mr. Park is no longer working at the planetarium?" You ask while taking a spoonful of food.

"He moved out of the island a few months ago," Felix answers.

"And the child at the giftshop is the daughter of the owner?"

He nods, "her name is Nana and she likes you very much."

You smile while chewing your food, "and what day is it?"

"It's Monday."

"You paid for the extra scoop?" You guess again.

He nods again.

You shove another spoonful of food into your mouth, "I think this is my new favorite cooking of you," you say.

Felix chuckles in response.

"What?"

"You said that to everything I cooked for you," he answers with a sheepish smile.

Apart from your memory loss, you know yourself well that when you compliment someone or something, you mean them.

"Well then that means I love your cooking," you conclude with a smile.

He brings your hand close to his lips to softly kiss your knuckle, "thank you," he mutters so sweetly.

After washing the dinner down with a few glasses of wine, you're snuggling with Felix as he holds you close on the bed, looking out at the night sky through the open window.

You rest your head on his chest and listen to his steady heartbeat, "Did our days always end like this?" You ask out of pure curiosity.

Felix removes the strands of hair from covering your face and gently kisses your forehead, "not always."

"No?" You ask with sad eyes.

"There are good days and bad days, days in between," he vaguely answers.

"Some days are like today, some days you didn't and sometimes, I just let you be," he explains while caressing your cheek with the back of his hand.

There's a possibility that you hurt him on one of those days too but he chooses not to let you know.

"It must be hard for you," you feel bad for him, for being stuck in the endless cycle to try and make you remember him.

He shakes his head, "as long as you're happy," he says.

You put your hand across his chest and hold him, feeling him as a whole person with a beating heart that loves you regardless of your condition.

You tilt your head up and look at him, you probably have done it more than a hundred times already but your heart flutters still.

You place a soft kiss on his lips because words can't truly fathom how thankful you are for him.

You pull away from the kiss with a smile while admiring his pretty face from up close, wiping your thumb over his lips.

He holds the side of your face affectionately, "you seem to have another question for me," he narrows his eyes at you.

You get flustered even though you haven't said anything, you lay on your stomach and prop a hand under your chin, nodding at him.

"You can ask me anything," he says with his hand on the arch of your back.

"Did the sex always this good?" You shyly ask.

Felix gets flustered as well that he closes his eyes and scrunch his nose, "I think so, yes," he answers.

You keep nodding while smiling, you hover over his body and have him pinned under you.

"That's all I need to know," you say before lowering your mouth for a kiss.

Felix puts his hands around your waist and holds you still, "are you sure you only need to know?"

He certainly knows you well.

If the sex is always that good, it would be a missed opportunity to not have another round with him. Adding to the fact that he's not a total stranger to you changes everything significantly.

You feel a lot more confident, comfortable around him, and safe.

And he's just so... oh, he's so gorgeous, you wonder how this man comes into your life. What is the possibility of a star falling onto your lap just like that? You're so lucky.

Felix intensely looks at you with his half-shut eyes, shifting between seeing his cock going in and out of you and the way you bounce on his cock.

You lean back with your hands on his legs as support and your feet are on each side of his body.

Your breasts move along with every movement you make on top of him and Felix allows himself to fondle them with his hands.

His other hand steadily holds your waist, gripping it so hard you're sure he's making a mark there.

"So good, my love, oh..." he murmurs as he pinches your nipple between his fingers.

You slow down the pace and roll your hips in circular motions, making him feel you whole.

He squeezes on your breast as a groan escapes his mouth, "the way you clench around me, baby," he sighs with eyes closed.

You fondle your breast together with his hand, giggling at how he looked so intoxicated by the pleasure you brought to him.

You continue rolling your hips, back and forth, slow and steady, feeling his length inside you, nudging the sensitive spot repeatedly.

"I don't think I'll last long this time," he says with a mix of delight and desperation in his voice.

You take both of his hands and clasped them with yours, using them as a support as you pick up the pace of your movement.

You hear him cursing under his breath plenty of times already but that only makes you want to please him more, picking up the pace because you can feel that he's so close to his release.

You're enjoying yourself by pleasing him, whining in pleasure, and touching yourself.

A moment later, you can feel his cock twitching inside you as he fills the condom with his seed. A mix of grunts and moans spilled out of his parted mouth.

"And you said you're so bad at it, huh?" He breathlessly says to you.

You chuckle then lower yourself on top of him, sloppily kissing him on the mouth.

He takes a fistful of your hair in his hand as he kisses you back so hard that your lungs burn from running out of oxygen.

The night is getting late and it has been a very long, fulfilling day. The exhaustion got to you and your eyes start to get heavy while Felix held you close with no gap left between your bodies.

"You're sleepy," he says while brushing your hair with his little fingers.

You widen your eyes to prevent them from drooping, "I'm alright," you lie.

He gently pats your head then kisses it, "it's okay, you can rest now."

You shake your head and bury your face in his chest, "If I do then I'll forget you," you sadly say, feeling a lump forming in your throat.

He places his two fingers under your chin and tilts your head up, forcing you to look at him.

"That's okay," he assures you with a tender kiss on your lips.

He holds your gaze and the warmth oozes out of his brown eyes, "I'll make you remember me."

He gives your lips a quick peck on the lips, "tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, for the rest of the week, for as long as I live..."

He takes your hand and kisses it, "I promise that I'll make you remember me," he finishes.

The tears just start to flow out of your eyes and roll down your cheeks, your heart hurts so much like someone stabbed it repeatedly.

"Why did you do this?" You speak between your low sobs.

Felix sadly smiles but his eyes remain kind and warm, "I told you, I want to be with you."

You dive into his arms and into the safety of his embrace where nothing can hurt you. You'll soon forget how his body feels against you, his gentle touch, and his intoxicating lips that always entice you to kiss.

Then a pair of hands that always knows how to wipe your sadness away and protect you from harm, hands that know how to please you and put you at ease.

For the first time you feel so sure about everything, this moment and this person, this feels right because he's right.

With steadfast conviction, you look into his eyes and say those words that are meant to be said to him, "I love you." You dare to let your heart wide open because you know he wouldn't break it, and it does feel like you have said it for the umpteenth time. You don't remember it but your heart keeps the count.

Your brain would soon dismiss him from your memory but your heart will remember him as the one who says, "I love you too."

-

Felix likes watching you sleep with your hands folded under your head, lost in your peaceful dream.

He would stay the night up, guarding you against the bad dreams that might invade your sleep and admire your beautiful face that you're so unaware of.

When the dawn breaks, no matter how much he wants to stay, he knows it's his time to go.

He allows himself to have a moment to take a long look at your face, caressing it so tenderly like you would break if he touches you the wrong way.

"We'll meet again today," he whispers into your ear then gives a long, lingering kiss on your forehead.

"I love you," he finishes with another kiss on the back of your hand.

He lingers by the doorway to see your sleeping figure under the cast of bluish light, where he questions himself if this is right to keep doing this.

He refuses to give up just because that's easier. He has faith that in that caged heart of yours, you remember him.

He knows his answer would always be to stay with you then blames himself for letting the doubt take over him for a second.

He opens your journal to rip the pages of drawings you did that day and put everything back into your bag. He gathers his things and makes sure that he left no trace of himself in the house.

On the way out, he meets your sister who's going to help him put things back into their place like it's August 21 all over again.

"How was she?" She asks while holding the copy of the same dress you wear every day in one hand.

"She remembered me," Felix answers.

She lets out a sigh of relief, "That's good," she comments.

"You'd better go home and get some rest," she adds.

Felix nods and takes your sister's bike with him, going back to his cottage not far from your house.

He compiles the drawings you did into the collection he has saved in files, email the gallery director if she's interested to display new drawings of you.

He rests for a few hours before getting up and getting ready for a new day.

You always come to your sister's bakery shop around 7.30 and Felix comes a few minutes late on purpose.

When he enters the bakery, he sees you already sitting in your favorite spot in the bakery and silently drawing on your journal.

Felix orders himself a cup of coffee and a pastry from your sister.

"She looks bright this morning," your sister says as she hands him his orders.

Apart from your swollen eyes, your sister is right.

You are as radiant as ever, your smile is scintillating and the morning shining through the window adds a glow to your heavenly presence.

He takes slow walks to your table and he tries not to startle you by clearing his throat to make his presence known.

You look up at him, wide-eyed and curious.

"Good morning!" He begins.

"Morning!" You greet back with zero enthusiasm.

No matter how many times he received this cold expression from you, he believes he'll never get used to it.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" Felix asks and careful with the way he says it. He doesn't want to come off as if he wants to intrude on your day, he just wants to be a part of your day, no matter how small it is.

He did this a handful of times already, sometimes you accepted him, sometimes you rejected him, and a few times, you didn't even let him in at all.

He's prepared for both the best and the worst of outcomes.

He feels your eyes scanning him for any signs of red flags and then looks down at your drawing.

"You may sit," you answer without looking at him.

This is categorized as a good result, it's better than you flatly rejected as you did a few days ago.

Felix doesn't want to rush things so he pulls out his book, sips his coffee, and tries not to notice how you quietly glance at him.

He bites into his pastry and that seems to evoke your curiosity.

"What are you having?" You ask but keep your eyes on your drawing.

"Oh it's a..." he pauses to think of a clever way to answer you and one that would make you laugh.

"Pain au chocolat," he answers.

You snort in response.

"What?"

"That's not a pain au chocolat," you say.

"It isn't?"

You put your pencil down and drink your coffee, "that's a chocolate croissant," you correct him.

"I thought it was the same," Felix says with utmost surprise even though he heard it before.

" They are made from the same dough but pain au chocolat is shaped in a cuboid piece rather than a croissant," you explain and take another sip of your coffee.

"Ah!" Felix exclaims.

"I've been misinformed this whole time!" He says with an irritated sigh.

"That's okay, the internet can be misleading sometimes," you sneer.

"How do I know your information is legit?" Felix dares with a sly smile.

You cross your arms in front of you, "my sister owns this bakery," you say with a smirk.

The mischief in that curl of your lips, he likes it on you.

"So that proves your pastry profiling skill?" He leans forward and raises an eyebrow at you.

You got quiet for a while then all of sudden, burst into laughter.

"Pastry profiling— What?"

Gosh, seeing you laugh makes his heart full and he wants to keep doing that: making you happy.

Felix points to your journal, "are you drawing sketches of pastries, huh? Let me see!" He jokes.

"No, I'm not," you say while still laughing.

The laugh dies down after a moment and it's the first time you look into his eyes that day, "How come I've never seen you here before?"

"I'm new in this town," he answers.

You put your journal aside and lean on the table, "and you are?"

"I'm Felix, nice to meet you!" He introduces himself and holds out his hand at you.

You seem to hesitate at first but confidently take his hand and shake it for a few seconds, "Nice to meet you!"

And that's how another day begins.

Another day of trying to make you fall in love with him all over again.

-

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[shallyne]

The Diary of Feyre Archeron Ch 4

CHAPTER FOUUUUUUR! YAY!!! All chapters on A03

Words: 1.6k

TW: signs of a panic attack, death, implied murder

July 19th

It's barely daybreak and we already got bad news. Mom had a stroke last night, so severe that she's now in a coma. I tried talking to Nesta but she didn't reply and just left, Elain still seems in shock. I don't know how I feel, it all just seems going downward right now and there is no way to stop it. Is it possible to feel nothing about mom's stroke? Maybe I am in shock but I don't feel like I am in shock, I just, I feel nothing. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe it does, maybe I am a bad person but if I am a bad person, then mom is a bad person, too.

I'm trying not to think too much about it, Elain and Nesta are more important right now because they do feel something, and I want to make sure that they know I am there for them if they want to talk. I doubt they will but it's always nice to know that there is someone, right?

Also, should we tell dad? Should we tell him soon or wait for some news? He's going to be devastated, like we were when we lost everything because of his antics.

I shouldn't go down this route right now, maybe another time.

Well, I guess it's time now to get ready for school, maybe Rhys will distact me from this shitshow my family is right now.

July 20th

Rhys told me today that he needs to talk to me soon about something important, whenever I have time. I only have time next Saturday and he was okay with meeting in the little park close to school then, so it can't be urgent.

OMG, maybe he's asking me on a date? That MUST be it!! I don't know how I am just thinking about it. Maybe I can borrow a dress from Nesta for Saturday and wear a little makeup. I don't know much about makeup, maybe Elain can help me. This is so exciting. FINALLY!! I'm totally saying yes but not instantly, he took long enough to ask me on a date.

I'll let my hair open, I know he likes it. I did it once and he told me I looked pretty, so that's a given. I also have this perfume I'm only wearing for special occasions, I'll use that, too.

Maybe I can get some details about it in the following week.

This is the best day of my life!!!!

Also, Ianthe has been a bitch to me. Rhys had told me she kept flirting with him after he rejected her a bajillion times and I told her to go away after she tried AGAIN. Unbelievable, right?

Such a shame she smashed her hand in her locker door in the PE changing room where no one could see us her.

I hope it heals just fine, would be sad if it didn't.

July 21st

I'm trying to draw and I just can't. Everytime I try I'm staring at a blank canvas, which is just as blank as my mind. I thought the maybe-date with Rhys would inspire me at least a little but it's impossible. I have a creative block. Even thinking about picking up a pencil or a brush takes all my energy, I never felt this way about painting. Painting was always my escape, I was always good at expressing any feeling through art. Now, I just get angry. I want to take the canvas and throw it away. I like having this diary but it's not the same as painting, I can't express myself in words like I do in sketches and paintings, or even scribbles. That part of me just feels empty now, like someone stole all the colors, all lights and feelings and shapes. It's a void.

Elain looked at my canvas and told me to give it a few days, maybe she's right. It's a stressful time for us all. We will get through this and then we go back to our normal lives because everything will be okay.

I'm trying to tell myself that at least, like Elain does, but there is always a little voice in my head that doubts any happiness will come our way.

The feeling of impending doom is still there, gripping me everyday, reminding me that all is not okay. Maybe it's just a puberty thing, I'm sure Nesta and Elain went through the same thing. I wouldn't know, talking about feelings in the Archeron household is like eating a steak as a vegan. You don't do it.

July 26th

Rhys is dead to me.

He and his stupid father don't exist anymore, not in my world. They are dead. DEAD.

Rhys hadn't invited me to ask me on a date, I didn't get ready, borrowed Nesta's dress, let Elain do my makeup, use my good perfume, because he wanted to ask me on a date. No, he invited me to tell me that he is the reason for ruining my life. My whole family's life. That we have NOTHING! Okay fine, it's his father's fault but what's the difference? I AM SO ANGRY. He just moved here to ruin my father's business because of some stupid deal my father broke. Speaking of father, my father is just as dead to me. He can rot in hell, I hope he rots in prison. My sister's are suffering because of HIM. Because of his decisions, because of Rhysand's family. I hate my father, I hate Rhysand's father, I hate Rhysand.

I must have looked just as distraught as I feel because Nesta knew instantly that something happened when I came home. I told her everything, her and Elain, and she is seething.

I can't believe I fell for Rhysand, I can't believe I fell for a fucking lie.

I'm just so angry I can barely breathe. I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe.

How am I supposed to see Rhysand everyday at school and not scream at him, at the unfairness of it all. How can I ever look at myself, live with myself, for falling foe his tricks to get close to me like a fool.

It was all a lie.

Dad's business was a lie.

Our life was a lie.

Rhysand was a big fucking lie.

I can't breathe.

July 31st

I'm sitting in a train.

The last twenty-four hours five days felt like a bad nightmare, one I just want to wake up from. But it's not a nightmare, is it? It's real.

Mom is dead. They said it was the stroke. Rhysand said it wasn't. I don't know why I believe him but he looked genuine. Maybe I am a fool for trusting him in this but Nesta seems to believe him, too.

Ruining my father's business wasn't the last of Rhysand's father's plans for my father. My father ruined a big deal, now Rhysand's father ruins his life. Meaning that he sends out his men to kill the people my father loves. Which includes my mother. And his daughters.

I think this is how shock feels, feeling like an empty shell. Every movement feels robotic, only muscle memory making me move.

Nesta told me that Rhysand's brothers knocked like crazy on the front door, the tall one was even short of breaking the freaking door down, to warn them about the threat on their lives. Meanwhile Rhysand dragged me out of that diner, kicking and screaming. I didn't want to listen, I didn't want to touch him, but he didn't budge. He brought me to my sisters. Telling me the plan.

The plan to send us away, to a friend who can help us. I think his name was Jurian. We are traveling to him now, he lives in a little city near Austin.

After that we won't be the Archeron’s anymore, we will live under another name, in a city far away.

I don't even know why Rhysand helped us, why would he care. He used me as a pawn for his father and now he helps us running away? I know that he said he never used me but the timing of befriending me seemed convenient. He also said he wouldn't track us after we got our new identities in Austin, but I don't know if I believe him. Maybe his friend will rat us out.

I made a promise to myself when we entered the train station this morning. I promised to keep Nesta and Elain safe, whatever it takes. They used me, they got my mom but they won't get my sister's.

Also, dear diary, this will be my last entry. Nesta wanted me to burn my diary, so it couldn't be tracked to us, but we compromised and I would keep it hidden wherever we end up. Never touch it again.

It was nice to have you as a silent companion as long as it lasted.

Bye

Excerpt from a group chat between Rhysand, Morrigan, Cassian and Azriel

Azriel: They just left Jurian’s house.

Cassian: so, that's it?

Morrigan: no contact anymore, it's to keep them safe, Cassian

Cassian: I know but how sure can we be that Aamon’s men won't track them down?

Rhysand: they won't

Cassian: but can we be SURE

Azriel: yes

Morrigan: Rhys, have you told Feyre?

Rhysand: no, it wasn't the time

Morrigan: there will never be the perfect time to tell someone you love them but it was your last chance

Rhysand: I know

Cassian: maybe it won't be forever

Rhysand: maybe

Morrigan: maybe

Azriel: maybe

Feysand Taglist:

@captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @starfall-spirit @rhysiedarling @corcracrow @sydney-fae25 @tothestarsandwhateverend @aayo-whatt @dreamlandreader

[genericpuff]

ULO user here! I recently went back and found several old comments I'd made on LO while I was a huge fan of it in 2019.. so embarassing looking back lol. You mentioned that you used to send a bunch of "fangirl" messages back in the day- would love to see your old thoughts/opinions back when you loved LO to compare as a fun(if a bit melancholic) journey, if you'd be willing to share a few? Your thoughts/analysis are always amazing, but I'm super curious as to how you felt back before you realized what a shitshow it was

Haha yeah, I was a fangirl in the sense of like... always being on time for new updates, even if I was out doing other things, messaging my real life friend who got me into the comic to talk about it. Back then Saturday was the height of my week, sometimes the cliffhangers would get me so excited I'd spend the entire week thinking about what could happen next. I suppose I do still look forward to Saturdays now, but for much different reasons.

It's a lil' shameful looking back but I did used to be one of those "don't like it don't read it" dickheads LOL I also used to "not see the issue" with the age gap thing, not because I was okay with age gaps, but as someone who tends to write about immortal beings, I followed the same line of thinking that "they're gods, it shouldn't matter", until I realize just how silly it was that if that were the case, the comic wouldn't be constantly calling out the age difference and drawing Persephone to look as young as possible. I had to really sit on LO for a long time before I started seeing the issues with it. Ironically what opened my eyes to it was lurking in the #antiloreolympus hashtag every now and then, I'd be reading the opinions like "these opinions suck! they don't get it! they're just being nitpicky/mean/etc.!" and yet I duped myself by doing just that because it exposed me to other points of view which became more and more relevant as the comic declined in quality. I think it was around the trial arc that I started to notice the holes (one of the big tells for me that maaaybe LO didn't know what it was doing was when Persephone chose Hades to be her lawyer despite him being one of the judges and someone she was romantically involved with, like hello?) and then when the series returned from its mid-season hiatus and skipped right over Persephone's time in the Mortal Realm, that was when I realized the criticisms weren't coming from nowhere and I got off the high horse and started to read their points with more of an open mind.

Of course, I can safely say I wasn't as shitty as some of the stans can be, most of my opinions were just in the weekly discussion threads in the LO sub, but I was still giving my opinions on LO as if it was a Canvas comic, failing to recognize that 1.) just because webcomics are a budding industry doesn't mean they should be exempt from criticism, and 2.) LO isn't anywhere near the same level as Canvas, it's a #1 NYT best selling book with a creator who's won awards, so it absolutely should be subject to criticism and analyzing as LO is representing that same budding industry in a lot of ways.

I'm trying to find stuff from my pre-ULO days but unfortunately nothing from my main profile is loading past the last 9 months LMAO But if I do find any specific examples I'll definitely post them so we can roast past me together (*≧︶≦))(￣▽￣* )ゞI definitely remember back when ULO was created, it came at a perfect time I think LOL