#note this is coming from someone whos read this fucking story so many times shes lost count LOL

[butchdykekondraki]

this got long. um. heres my insane rant on how vivziepop completely misinterpreted adams character and why i fucking hate it so goddamn much. enjoy

adam has, in literally almost every single writing, been depicted as nothing but kind, caring, and loyal to his wife. the idea that he is anything BUT that is not only incorrect, but also fucking stupid. in the actual story itself, adam is so trusting of eve that he bites the fruit of knowledge because she tells him to, and he does it with almost no convincing (in some versions he even does it right away with NO convincing!!!!). the idea that adam is some type of fucked up frat boy stereotype goes against literally everything established about his character, and i can only assume it exists because vivziepop has decided that she needs to have him be a villain. and i can understand that!! i can understand rewriting stories to make characters more fucked up!! but the fact that she doesn't even make adam, like, an actual villain, and instead just makes him some type of misogynistic frat bro who's only goal is to actively make the lives of women miserable is just an entirely different character. viv didn't even make adam evil, she just made a fucking misogynist and slapped adams name onto it and tried to claim it was some rewrite. which, to be completely fair to viv, i can understand. i've seen plenty of rewrites in which adam is fucked up and/or evil, and they're all super interesting and take it from a different perspective of why eve bit the apple, but the fact that she doesn't even fucking change anything else about the original story just makes it so that she doesn't even seem to be rewriting the story itself. it just makes it feel like she wanted an excuse to make a ''all men evil and misogynistic ell oh ell please laugh'' joke. adam, in damn near every iteration of the story of adam and eve, almost worships eve, because she is (quite literally) made from him. he does not view her as below him, because in his eyes they come from the same body, and therefore she is no less than he is. but the fact that adam isn't even trying to be kind about eve in viv's version is just. wrong. like. it's not even trying to make some type of rewrite of ''ooo what if adam was actually MEAN and THATS why eve bit the apple ooo'' its just adam being a fucking cunt.

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: black science fiction

As february and black history month nears its end, if you're a reader let's not forget to read and appreciate books by black authors the rest of the year as well! If you're a sci-fi fan like me, perhaps this list can help find some good books to sink your teeth into.

Bleak dystopias, high tech space adventures, alien monsters, alternate dimensions, mash-ups of sci-fi and fantasy - this list features a little bit of everything for genre fiction fans!

For more details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. And as always, feel free to share your own recs in the notes!

If you want more book recs, check out my masterpost of rec lists!

Lagoon by Nnedi Okorafor

Something massive and alien crashes into the ocean off the coast of Nigeria. Three people, a marine biologist, a rapper, and a soldier, find themselves at the center of this presence, attempting to shepherd an alien ambassador as chaos spreads in the city. A strange novel that mixes the supernatural with the alien, shifts between many different POVs, and gives a one of a kind look at a possible first contact.

Nubia: The Awakening (Nubia series) by Omar Epps & Clarence A. Hayes

Young adult. Three teens living in the slums of an enviromentally ravaged New York find that something powerful is awakening within them. They’re all children of refugees of Nubia, a utopian African island nation that sank as the climate worsened, and realize now that their parents have been hiding aspects of their heritage from them. But as they come into their own, someone seeks to use their abilities to his own ends, against their own people.

The Scourge Between Stars by Ness Brown

Novella. After having failed at establishing a new colony, starship Calypso fights to make it back to Earth. Acting captain Jacklyn Albright is already struggling against the threats of interstellar space and impending starvation when the ship throws her a new danger: something is hiding on the ship, picking off her crew one by one in bloody, gruesome ways. A quick, excellent read if you want some good Alien vibes.

Dawn (Xenogenesis trilogy) by Octavia E. Butler*

After a devestating war leaves humanity on the brink of extinction, survivor Lilith finds herself waking up naked and alone in a strange room. She’s been rescued by the Oankali, who have arrived just in time to save the human race. But there’s a price to survival, and it might be humanity itself. Absolutely fucked up I love it I once had to drop the book mid read to stare at the ceiling and exclaim in horror at what was going on. Includes darker examinations of agency and consent, so enter with caution.

Midnight Robber by Nalo Hopkinson*

Utterly unique in world-building, story, and prose, Midnight Robber follows young Tan-Tan and her father, inhabitants of the Carribean-colonized planet of Toussaint. When her father commits a terrible crime, he’s exiled to a parallel version of the same planet, home to strange aliens and other human exiles. Tan-Tan, not wanting to lose her father, follows with him. Trapped on this new planet, he becomes her worst nightmare. Enter this book with caution, as it contains graphic child sexual abuse.

Rosewater (The Wormwood trilogy) by Tade Thompson

In Nigeria lies Rosewater, a city bordering on a strange, alien biodome. Its motives are unknown, but it’s having an undeniable effect on the surrounding life. Kaaro, former criminal and current psychic agent for the government, is one of the people changed by it. When other psychics like him begin getting killed, Kaaro must take it upon himself to find out the truth about the biodome and its intentions.

Do You Dream of Terra-Two? by Temi Oh

Young adult. A century ago, an astronomer discovered a possibly Earth-like planet. Now, a team of veteran astronauts and carefully chosen teenagers are preparing to embark on a twenty-three year trip to get there. But space is dangerous, and the team has no one to rely on but each other if - or when - something goes wrong. An introspective slowburn of a story, this focuses more on character work than action.

The Best of All Possible Worlds by Karen Lord

After the planet Sadira is left uninhabitable, its few survivors are forced to move to a new world. On Cygnus Beta, they work to rebuild their society alongside their distant relatives of the planet, while trying to preserve what remains of their culture. Focused less on hard science or action, The Best of All Possible Worlds is more about culture, romance and the ethics and practicalities of telepathy.

Mirage (Mirage duology) by Somaiya Daud

Young adult. Eighteen-year-old Amani lives on an isolated moon under the oppressive occupation of the Valthek empire. When Amani is abducted, she finds herself someplace wholly unexpected: the royal palace. As it turns out, she's nearly identical to the half-Valthek, and widely hated, princess Maram, who is in need of a body double. If Amani ever wants to make it back home or see her people freed from oppression, she will have to play her role as princess perfectly. While sci-fi, this one more has the vibe of a fantasy.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

Life on the lower decks of the generation ship HSS Matilda is hard for Aster, an outcast even among outcasts, trying to survive in a system not dissimilar to the old antebellum South. The ship’s leaders have imposed harsh restrictions on their darker skinned people, using them as an oppressed work force as they travel toward their supposed Promised Land. But as Aster finds a link between the death of the ship’s sovereign and the suicide of her own mother, she realizes there may be a way off the ship.

Where It Rains in Color by Denise Crittendon

The planet Swazembi is a utopia of color and beauty, the most beautiful of all its citizens being the Rare Indigo. Lileala was just named Rare Indigo, but her strict yet pampered life gets upended when her beautiful skin is struck by a mysterious sickness, leaving it covered in scars and scabs. Meanwhile, voices start to whisper in Lileala's mind, bringing to the surface a past long forgotten involving her entire society.

Eacaping Exodus (Escaping Exodus duology) by Nicky Drayden

Seske is the heir to the leader of a clan living inside a gigantic, spacefaring beast, of which they frequently need to catch a new one to reside in as their presence slowly kills the beast from the inside. While I found the ending rushed with regards to plot and character, the worldbuilding is very fresh and the overall plot of survival and class struggle an interesting one. It’s also sapphic!

Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah*

In a near future America, inmates on death row or with life sentences in private prisons can choose to participate in death matches for entertainment. If they survive long enough - a rare case indeed - they regain their freedom. Among these prisoners are Loretta Thurwar and Hamara "Hurricane Staxxx" Stacker, partners behind the scenes and close to the deadline of a possible release - if only they can survive for long enough. As the game continues to be stacked against them and protests mount outside, two women fight for love, freedom, and their own humanity. Chain-Gang All-Stars is bleak and unflinching as well as genuinely hopeful in its portrayal of a dark but all to real possible future.

Parable of the Sower (Earthseed duology) by Octavia E. Butler*

In a bleak future, Lauren Olamina lives with her family in a gated community, one of few still safe places in a time of chaos. When her community falls, Lauren is forced on the run. As she makes her way toward possible safety, she picks up a following of other refugees, and sows the seeds of a new ideology which may one day be the saviour of mankind. Very bleak and scarily realistic, Parable of the Sower will make you both fear for mankind and regain your hope for humanity.

Binti (Binti trilogy) by Nnedi Okorafor

Young adult novella. Binti is the first of the Himba people to be accepted into the prestigious Oomza University, the finest place of higher learning in all the galaxy. But as she embarks on her interstellar journey, the unthinkable happens: her ship is attacked by the terrifying Meduse, an alien race at war with Oomza University.

War Girls (War Girls duology) by Tochi Onyebuchi

In an enviromentally fraught future, the Nigerian civil war has flared back up, utilizing cybernetics and mechs to enhance its soldiers. Two sisters, by bond if not by blood, are separated and end up on differing sides of the struggle. Brutal and dark, with themes of dehumanization of soldiers through cybernetics that turn them into weapons, and the effect and trauma this has on them.

The Space Between Worlds (The Space Between Worlds duology) by Micaiah Johnson

Multiverse travel is finally possible, but there’s a catch: No one can visit a world where their counterpart is still alive. Enter Cara, whose parallel selves happen to be exceptionally good at dying. As such she has a very special job in traveling to these worlds, hoping to keep her position long enough to gain citizenship in the walled-off Wiley City, away from the wastes where she grew up. But her job is dangerous, especially when she gets on the tracks of a secret that threatens the entire multiverse. Really cool worldbuilding and characters, also featuring a sapphic lead!

The Fifth Season (The Broken Eart trilogy) by N.K. Jemisin*

In a world regularly torn apart by natural disasters, a big one finally strikes and society as we know it falls, leaving people floundering to survive in a post apocalyptic world, its secrets and past to be slowly revealed. We get to follow a mother as she races through this world to find and save her missing daughter. While mostly fantasy in genre, this series does have some sci-fi flavor, and is genuinely some of the best books I've ever read, please read them.

The Women Could Fly by Megan Giddings*

In an alternate version of our present, the witch hunt never ended. Women are constantly watched and expected to marry young so their husbands can keep an eye on them. When she was fourteen, Josephine's mother disappeared, leveling suspicions at both mother and daughter of possible witchcraft. Now, nearly a decade and a half later, Jo, in trying to finally accept her missing mother as dead, decides to follow up on a set of seemingly nonsensical instructions left in her will. Features a bisexual lead!

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden

South African-set scifi featuring gods ancient and new, robots finding sentience, dik-diks, and a gay teen with mind control abilities. An ancient goddess seeks to return to her true power no matter how many humans she has to sacrifice to get there. A little bit all over the place but very creative and fresh.

The Summer Prince by Alaya Dawn Johnson*

Young adult. Young artist June Costa lives in Palmares Tres, a beautiful, matriarchal city relying heavily on tradition, one of which is the Summer King. The most recent Summer King is Enki, a bold boy and fellow artist. With him at her side, June seeks to finally find fame and recognition through her art, breaking through the generational divide of her home. But growing close to Enki is dangerous, because he, like all Summer Kings, is destined to die.

The Blood Trials (The Blood Gifted duology) by N.E. Davenport

After Ikenna's grandfather is assasinated, she is convinced that only a member of the Praetorian guard, elite soldiers, could’ve killed him. Seeking to uncover his killer, Ikenna enrolls in a dangerous trial to join the Praetorians which only a quarter of applicants survive. For Ikenna, the stakes are even higher, as she's hiding forbidden blood magic which could cost her her life. Mix of fantasy and sci-fi. While I didn’t super vibe with this one, I suspect fans of action packed romantasy will enjoy it.

Babel-17 by Samuel R. Delany

1960s classic. Rydra Wong is a space captain, linguist and poet who is set on learning to understand Babel-17, a language which is humanity's only clue at the enemy in an interstaller war. But Babel-17 is more than just a language, and studying it may change Rydra forever.

Pet (Pet duology) by Akwaeke Emezi

Young adult novella. Jam lives in a utopian future that has been freed of monsters and the systems which created and upheld them. But then she meets Pet, a dangerous creature claiming to be hunting a monster still among them, prepared to stop at nothing to find them. While I personally found the word-building in Pet lacking, it deftly handles dark subjects of what makes a human a monster.

Bonus AKA I haven’t read these yet but they seem really cool

Lion's Blood by Steven Barnes

Alternate history in which Africans colonized South America while vikings colonized the North. The vikings sell abducted Celts and Franks as slaves to the South, one of which is eleven-years-old Irish boy Aidan O'Dere, who was just bought by a Southern plantation owner.

The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow

Young adult dystopia. Ellie lives in a future where humanity is under the control of the alien Ilori. All art is forbidden, but Ellie keeps a secret library; when one of her books disappears, she fears discovery and execution. M0Rr1S, born in a lab and raised to be emotionless, finds her library, and though he should deliver her for execution, he finds himself obsessed with human music. Together the two embark on a roadtrip which may save humanity.

Womb City by Tlotlo Tsamaase

Lelah lives in future Botswana, but despite money and fame she finds herself in an unhappy marriage, her body controlled via microchip by her husband. After burying the body of an accidental hit and run, Lelah's life gets worse when the ghost of her victim returns to enact bloody vengeance.

Orleans by Sherri L. Smith

Young adult. Fen de la Guerre, living in a quarantined Gulf Coast left devestated by storms and sickness, is forced on the run with a newborn after her tribe is attacked. Hoping to get the child to safety, Fen seeks to get to the other side of the wall, she teams up with a scientist from the outside the quarantine zone.

Everfair by Nisi Shawl

A neo-victorian alternate history, in which a part of Congo was kept safe from colonisation, becoming Everfair, a safe haven for both the people of Congo and former slaves returning from America. Here they must struggle to keep this home safe for them all.

The Splinter in the Sky by Kemi Ashing-Giwa

Space opera. Enitan just wants to live a quiet life in the aftermath of a failed war of conquest, but when her lover is killed and her sister kidnapped, she's forced to leave her plans behind to save her sister.

Honorary mentions AKA these didn't really work for me but maybe you guys will like them: The City We Became (Great Cities duology) by N.K. Jemisin, The Lesson by Cadwell Turnbull, The A.I. Who Loved Me by Alyssa Cole

[eightstarr]

what's mine — ellie williams.

summary: the day you left for this assignment, ellie remembers thinking it would be okay— or maybe it was you who said it, your hands over her tense shoulders, her fingers tugging at your shirt, “you’ll be okay.” she goes home and knows it to be true, like words from a god. she’ll be okay and you’ll be back. what’s left to do but count the hours?

warnings: descriptions of violence (not very detailed), suggestive content near the end!

notes: uhhh i love being dramatic and i think it shows here. all i think about is the action of coming home to someone who loves you and how it is as meaningful now as it was a thousand years ago and as it will be in a hundred years but whatever haha sorry about that guys. if you read this i love you btw

don't support zionist neil druckmann.

daily click. learn about palestine. donate and share!

・。.・゜✧・. ────

Being without Ellie is disorienting. The first week feels like walking alone in a dark room, feeling the walls for a light switch, running into sharp corners that stab your sides. You miss her like it's a sickness, less a longing and more a threat to whatever you’re made of.

There's a small community way outside of Jackson offering a trade. Maria makes it sound simple, like everything else. “They know us, it’ll be quick. You pick up the supplies, drop off our part of the deal, and come back.”

It takes 26 days. The exchange is simple but the journey less so, you and three others have to carry home the much needed medical supplies through herds of infected and a heavy storm that slows you down and cuts off your communication for three terrifying nights.

Ellie wanders the house and feels like a stranger, sickly, a sleepless corpse searching for living blood. The light coming through the windows feels too bright and her skin abnormally cold. She knows, or thinks, that if she’s not careful she could get lost in it— merge every wall together until there’s nothing left to see but a stark flatness, an unfamiliar box. The space is not huge. It's not a tall castle or a manor in the countryside or anything fitting to the theatricality of loneliness, but it’s your home. So much of you is in it. Ellie finds herself focusing on a different thing each passing day, clinging to them with a nauseating desperation, a hundred random pieces of you scattered like breadcrumbs to keep her sane. A book with a folded corner somewhere along the first half of the story, your favorite mug next to the sink, an old pair of jeans ripped at the knee on your side of the drawer. Too many things for you not to come back.

“Do you think I'm losing my mind?” she asks, a soft wrinkle between her furrowed brows, her eyes focused on a random spot ahead. “I mean, it’s been two weeks,” she’s trying to sound like it's not as bad as it looks, like she finds any of it funny or interesting instead of plainly horrifying. The sole of her shoes hits the floor in an anxious rhythm, mocking her— tap, tap, tap, tap. “Isn’t that fucked up?”

Dina curses at the lighter until it flickers back to life with a weak orange flame, holding it near the end of the half finished blunt. She inhales and passes it over, breathing out, “You’re not crazy.”

A pause. Ellie lets the comment comfort her for a single second before it flies right through her head, sounding more quiet than usual when she admits, “...I have this feeling like someone took something from me.”

Dina raises her eyebrows, her chuckle cut off by a short cough, smoke itching her throat. “You mean, like… what’s her name?” she squints her eyes and tries to remember. 

The name worms around Ellie’s head like it has been for days, bold letters, clear as day. She makes no attempt to let it pass through her lips, self aware and unrelenting at the same time, maybe finding some indefensible satisfaction in the fact that it can be forgotten. Cruel, you'd tease, and Ellie would smirk a lot like she tries not to now.

Dina gives up a second later, “Whatever— the girl that volunteered to go with them before you could. You're blaming her?”

“I guess.”

“Hm. That’s a little…”

“Don’t say crazy—”

“Crazy.”

“Fuck you,” she rolls her eyes. “It’s not like that.”

“So you’re not jealous?”

Ellie scoffs, tongue pressed against the inside of her cheek. Dina argues unlike anyone else. She’s confident, her goal clear and her strategy already lined up before you get a word in, loaded like a gun. But her strongest contender, perhaps the only one, might be Ellie’s simple stubbornness. “I’m concerned. She got picked over me even though I've studied that route a hundred fucking times. I could've done a better job,” she says, steady and tireless like bulletproof glass.

“At getting the supplies or at taking care of your girlfriend?”

“You’re starting to sound like Maria.”

Dina pauses for a short moment before she shrugs. “Maria makes good points.”

Ellie takes one last hit of the blunt and flicks it across the room to die out somewhere on the permanently damp floor. She tries to believe it. No one took you, she thinks, you left dutifully like anyone else in Jackson would've, like Ellie would've. It’s a dangerous trip but a job like any other, the same risk of deadly infection that comes with any of them. She should be used to it by now. Does it not also exist every other day of the year?

Still, she can't remember the last time she didn't see your face for this long. You’ve been dating for a little over three years, living together for half of that— it's a terrifyingly meaningful chunk of your young lives, months and months of seeing you everyday, of falling asleep with her face on the crook of your neck and waking up with your fingers pressing into her waist. You've built a world where things like this don’t happen, where all Ellie can think about as she leaves home is the way you hum in the mornings, soft and sleepy and so fucking cute, when you wake up to her back against your chest and her hair on your face. She thinks about her own laugh, how shy it sounds, how your lips press to her head before she turns around to claim a proper kiss.

But now you’re not here, and she’s too terrified to even utter the words out loud, and there's a hole in her chest where you should be that makes her feel insane everywhere she goes. It's an open wound leaving a hazardous trail of shame and memories, humming in her ears like a boiling kettle, who took what's mine?

Ellie has never considered herself to be the jealous type, but she never was the type to sleep with her back turned to someone this comfortably, either. It’s different with you. It's theatricality, it’s the coldness of that bed at night, it’s your legs tangled with hers like growing roots now disjointed. It’s a thing, breathing and alive, screaming at nothing— I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.

Is that girl you went with hanging from your every word in that way she always does? Is that a shameful thought to have? Ellie wipes it clean in a second and finds it immediately there again, at the front of her mind like a message on a cloudy mirror. She can't think about anything else. Is the storm keeping the two of you awake? Does a part of you find the girl brave for volunteering? Is she turning to look at you and asking, just loud enough, are you asleep? That fall earlier was rough, how are you feeling? Is she looking at your wounds like they matter more than doing a good job? Is your blood, warm and red and yours, on her hands now?

The last of the smoke spills past her lips in a sigh. Ellie pulls her knees closer to her chest and tugs at the loose thread on your ripped jeans.

─────✧��ﾟ: *✧･

There’s a comfortable weight that keeps you under, the loving press of her arm resting over your chest, her thumb brushing your chin. The sun feels warm where it’s draped across Ellie’s back, white tank top wrinkled slightly up her waist.

She watches you until you let out a little sigh, squint one eye open and then slowly the next, a smile stretching your lips as soon as your sight focuses on her. She looks beautiful. She looks just like she did before you left, your girl.

It’s weird— you’ve showered, scrubbed your hands clean and raw, changed clothes. And still you feel like you’ve brought in something dirty, like it’ll be stuck on you for a while, the grime, the guns, the storm. Your muddy shoes must still be sitting by the front door. Something in your head screams that you should get rid of them, burn them like an evidence of guilt. Do you look anything like you did before you left? You feel like a worn version of yourself, sticky and darkened. It’s a ridiculous worry to have, but the thought comes hand in hand with embarrassment and you can feel it crawling up your neck. You cover your face with your hands and groan tiredly, shy.

Ellie laughs, warm like musk, salve on a wound.

"Are you watching me sleep?" you mutter, voice ridden with exhaustion and joy all at once. The thing, love, obsession, both— breathes along with you. "Freak."

"Yeah, I was,” she shifts to sit on your lap, one knee on either side of you, spilling her confession easily. Ellie leans over to push your hands away from your face and press her lips to yours, passionate but short lived, still softly brushing against each other when she says, "I missed this face."

You chuckle, eyes tracing over her freckled cheeks, hands squeezing her thighs, feeling strangely like you’re being washed clean. “I missed you.”

Ellie closes her eyes and rests her forehead against yours, her fingers caressing your cheeks, looking at you again when her thumb brushes against the ridge of a scar. It’s a warped line that almost follows the shape of your cheekbone, from your hairline to somewhere near the corner of your lips. She'd seen it last night, nauseous with worry and relief to have you back, her vision clouded. The morning reveals it in a different, heartbreaking light. It’s okay, you’d said during the night, your hands on either side of her face much like hers are on you now, didn't even need stitches. Ellie tries to let that sink in, make the guilt feel any better. But it can't. Maybe you’d been saved the prick of a needle, but she knows it still hurt, she knows it bled and stung. It feels like a betrayal. If I can't save you the pain, she thinks, I owe you the witnessing, the chance to clean its wry edges, pat it dry. "How'd you get this one?" she asks, as softly as she can.

You’d been prepared for the question but not the devastation in her eyes. It falls over you like a ton of bricks, her love making your chest ache and sinking you back into the memory.

There was an empty house, or what looked like one. Pieces of broken glass scattered over the rotting wood of an old, wobbly table. A man's hand placed forcefully on your head. The side of your face rammed into the table with a thud when he pushed you down, the faint pain of something slicing into your cheek made worse by your struggle to get free. A kick and he stumbled back. A slice of your knife and he fell dead. You don't think the fact will do much to comfort Ellie. So, in hopes of sparing her, you hum and shake your head. "Come here," you say, or beg, a hand on the back of her neck like fond guidance. "Let me kiss your pretty face."

She feels soft like satin on your lips, tastes like honey and black tea. Ellie kisses like she argues, experienced and unruly all at once, with a point to make— I need you and I want you to know it. Her tongue slips past your parted lips and brings a muffled sound from your throat that almost makes her pull slightly away, if it weren't for the feeling of your fingers tightening on her neck to have her closer. A faint thought crosses Ellie’s mind, a feeling like pity for the person she was before you, whoever that was, an old self who couldn't know what it's like to be devoured so caringly.

She brushes her nose against yours and you let out a sigh that sounds painfully like a prayer, her short hair a dark veil over your eyes when she turns her head to press kisses on your cheek. "You can't leave me like that again," she breathes out.

You swallow her words, a confused wrinkle between your eyebrows. “Ellie—”

A kiss cuts you off. You slide your hands up her thighs to her waist, a surprised hum vibrating against her lips when she wraps her fingers around your wrists and squeezes, as if to keep them there. She leans back and stares into you, and for the first time since you’ve known Ellie, you can't tell if she's commanding you or begging. “I won’t let you.”

It’s a gesture. It goes beyond the reality of your lives, the fact that any day either one of you could be made to leave again, that any day either one of you could die. It means I missed you. It means I need it to be me who looks after you. It means I love you.

Your stomach flutters, hungry with an urgent craving. And like you have every day since you’ve known Ellie, you find yourself unable to deny her love or the indulging promise of a different world— but maybe those mean the same thing. "I'm not leaving you," you say, breathless, and it might as well be true.

Ellie makes a sound in response that feels painfully close to a moan, a soft mmhm that clouds your head of anything that may or may not exist outside of this room. The tip of her nose brushes against your neck and then continues its way down, her fingers sneaking inside your shirt, pulling up the fabric and pressing kisses over the skin that’s revealed. "I love you," she says, almost near the band of your underwear, her blushed lips parted. You feel her breath against the burning fire in your lower stomach, reaching out to cradle her cheek against your hand. She feels hot, flushed pink under her freckles, and you’re not sure if she hears you say I love you, Ellie as much as she watches you mouth the words. She presses her face further into your hand, wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue, begging as if she’d ever have to, “Baby, I need— please.”

You don't hear yourself say yes, but the look in her eyes says you must have.

[ihavethedreamies]

Easy | Felix | Easy to Expert (1)

Lee Yongbok (Felix - Stray Kιds)

Rating: M (18+) MDNI

Word Count: ~5k

Pairing: Felix x AFAB!Reader

Genre: Reader-Insert, Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers

!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!

Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Swearing, Kissing, Oral (F! Receiving), Fingering, Biting, One Singular Spank, He Gets a Bit Rough, Unprotected Sex (Use a condom! Don't do what they do.)

Summary: In which you can't normally get off and Felix doesn't like this one bit.

Author's Note: Imagine trying to write something like this with a straight face because you are at your uncle's house in the living room with everyone else there and you can't go anywhere else...

Also your friend's name is Yuna here and she's not a reference to any idol or anything, this was just the name that came to mind.

-> Series Hub <-

-> Part 2 <-

I am cross-posting this on Archive and Wattpad. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other sites. Happy reading!

"He had the stamina of a work horse; I thought I was going to die."

"Really?" You weren't convinced.

"No, seriously. I had never came that many times in one session." Your friend shook her head and you blinked. You watched her take a swig of beer and you took another bite of chicken.

"You started without us?" Someone whined behind you, and you turned to see Jisung and Minho coming up to your table. The younger man pouted as he sat down in the empty chair next to you while Minho sat on his other side.

"You guys are half an hour late." Yuna sneered at them, waving a drumstick aggressively.

"Where's everyone else?" you asked.

"Seungmin can't make it, Jeongin is sick. Chan and Changbin are on their way from the studio. Felix and Hyunjin just left campus after dance practice." Minho listed off, waving his hand up to get the auntie's attention to get beer.

"Is Jinnie going to shower first? Poor thing looks like he fell in a pond after dance practice." Yuna bounced a bit as she talked since the waitress brought over the order of Tteokbokki you had ordered.

"That's why they're late." Jisung spoke around a mouthful.

"Anyway, he ended up breaking up with me because I apparently wasn't enough for his libido." Yuna continued her story despite the fact two of the boys had arrived and Chan and Changbin were arriving.

"Woah, what?" Chan laughed setting his bag down next to her and the other man sat across from Minho.

"Is this the same guy who said he wished he had two dicks to fuck twice as much?" Changbin asked as you watched his shirt tighten over his chest as he took his jacket off. Everything he wore was so tight…You were taken out of your zone-out when he scoffed, "My eyes are up here (Y/N)." Everyone laughed at you and your face tingled a bit, you took a sip of beer not meeting his eyes.

"Wait, what?" Chan asked again and Yuna rolled her eyes.

"Yeah. I think he was possessed by a sex demon or something, geez."

"Who are we talking about?" The oldest man asked. Yuna then recapped everything she had told you to Chan who stared blankly at her the whole time.

"Okay, way more than I ever needed to know." He shook his head and grabbed his chopsticks.

"You don't even know the half of it." Changbin huffed and the other girl gasped dramatically.

"You asked me to tell you most of it!"

"Not everything! I really didn't care about who you did everything with first, that was a long ass list."

"A list of asses?" Minho seemed to tune in at a very specific time.

"Do I want to know?" A new voice groaned as Hyunjin sat at the end of the table. Felix came around to the other end near you and took a seat.

"Yuna is sharing WAY too much again." Jisung's eyes got big to emphasize his point.

"Well, this started because (Y/N)-"

"NO!" You almost leaped across the table to shut her up. That unfortunately made the boys all the more curious and it was getting steadily louder as they urged you to share. If not but to spare the rest of the patrons and workers, you finally relented.

"I just told her that I didn't see too much point in rushing into sex in a relationship because I don't get much out of it." You didn't look at anyone, just cast a glare at Yuna, then back at your beer bottle.

"Well, you need to find someone else then." Minho told you matter-of-factly.

"It doesn’t matter, and it's not like partners haven't tried…I just can't…I-I can't finish…" You mumbled the last part, and it went deathly silent. You could feel the eyes on you but for some reason, the ones to your left were burning. Glancing up to meet Felix's stare, you're startled by his expression. He looked…intense. You shifted under his gaze. He knew you liked him, and you knew he liked you, but not much had come of it. You two kissed briefly a few weeks ago but it was interrupted, and it hadn’t happened since.

"Wait, seriously? Have you ever?" Chan asked, he had stopped eating. This was serious to him.

"Yeah, but it took forever. I had to do it myself and it wasn't easy." You shrugged. Because of this fact you hadn't had very many sexual encounters or partners. It’s just frustrating when nothing ever came of it.

"So that's when I told her that my last boyfriend might be able to do it since he got me off like six times at once." Yuna explained as she shoved more food in her mouth.

"Did you ex ever do it?" Jisung asked and you nodded.

"Once." That wasn't why you had broken up; he had moved away for work and long distance didn't work too well so you drifted apart.

"Have I ever told you guys about my college roommate's girlfriend?" Hyunjin cut in and quickly everyone was diverted over to his story of the fact that this girl was not loyal by any means. And neither was her boyfriend. Unfortunately for Hyunjin, he was both of their type and he ended up having to switch rooms. The night continued and as more food was eaten, more alcohol was consumed. The rowdiness became too much, and you were more or less kicked out. Yuna was drunk and Changbin promised to get her home in one piece, so he left with her on his back. Chan, Jisung, and Hyunjin followed suit since they all were going to the same place, and you were left with Minho and Felix.

"I'll walk her home. Go check on Jeongin, he might be asleep already but he's not texting back." Felix told the older man who nodded and said goodbye so you two were left alone. You had only one beer that night and Felix didn't even finish his, so you were not even tipsy.

"I-I can get home okay, I didn't drink much." You tried to wave him off.

"It’s okay. Just because you're sober doesn't mean I should let you go alone." He smiled softly and you internally gushed over how pretty he was.

"Thanks." Beginning to head in the opposite direction of everyone else, you two walked in silence for most of the time, but it was companionable. In your head you just kept replaying the small kiss from a few weeks before, not really sure why you were looping on it. When you got to your building, you expected him to leave you at the door, but he opened the door for you and led you toward the elevator.

"D-Do you want to come in? I have some cheesecake left that I can't finish on my own…" You couldn't meet his gaze as you waited for the elevator.

"Sure, thanks." His deep voice was so warming, and you wondered what it would sound like whispering in your ear. You shook your head to clear the thought and got in the lift to get to your floor. Keying in your pin code, the door chimed, and you let him into your apartment. You lived alone and so your place had some clutter about. You hung your coat and bag up, changed to slippers, then moved to clear the papers and pens off the couch. After moving the stuff into a more organized pile on the coffee table, you stood and turned to go to the kitchen, but instead ran into Felix's chest. He was wearing a grey turtleneck that was way tighter than you though it would be on him. His sleeves were already rolled up to his elbows and his hand moved to steady you when you stumbled in surprise at his proximity. Compared to other men, he wasn't very tall, but he was still quite a bit taller than you. When the hands that steadied you moved from your arms to your waist, you were pulled to him even closer. Your breath hitched and your hands instinctually gripped the fabric of his shirt at his shoulders. When your eyes met, he leaned in and as his lips hovered over yours, his deep voice rumbled through you.

"Can I?"

"Y-yes." Your hands moved to rest closer to his neck and he kissed you. This one was different than before. Last time was chaste and soft, but this was growing heated fast. Felix tilted his head more and licked at your bottom lip prompting you to open your mouth. You moaned softly as his tongue invaded your mouth and when he groaned back it was like thunder shook you. Reluctantly, you let him pull away so you both could take a breather.

"Was what you said true? You really can't cum?"

"M-most of the time." It was embarrassing to talk about it in front of everyone, but for some reason it seemed like Felix took it personally.

"Hm. If you let me, I might be able to help." He leaned down some to say this right into your ear, then he sucked on your ear lobe. You shuddered and tilted your head to let him get better access to your neck. He laid searing kisses along your skin, and you swallowed hard.

"O-okay." You were a bit reluctant since it hadn't worked well before. At the same time, he was turning you on way faster than anyone or anything else before. You were not blind, or deaf, he was incredibly attractive, and you would be stupid to say no. Felix's lips pulled into a smile against your throat and he sucked on that spot hard, his teeth digging in slightly. You moaned louder than you meant to, and he could feel your throat vibrate as you did. Not realizing he could pull you closer, when he did you felt him hard against your stomach. His lips moved from your neck, which now had at least three bruises on it, back to your mouth and he dominated the kiss, taking complete control. Finally, to gain more oxygen, he pulled away from you and your head was swimming. He could sense that you were dazed, so he wrapped his arms around you and picked you up, carrying you to your room. Setting you down at the end of your bed, he kneeled before you, the look on his face shocked you. You were expecting a fire there, lust, but it was so warm and soft, and you weren't sure how to react.

"I'm doing this because I like you so much. I hate that no one's made you feel good like you deserve. But at the same time…" The hand on your waist dug into your flesh and his expression sharpened, "I want to be able to say I'm the only one that can say he did. Easy." His confession made your walls clench around nothing.

"Will you let me?" Felix asked.

"Of…of course. I like you too-" He cut you off with another devouring kiss and his hands wandered under your sweater and helped you take it off. If you had known this was going to happen, you wouldn't have worn such a plain set of underwear. As the make-out session continued he also removed your socks and pants and he finally pulled back to take his own clothes off. You watched with rapt attention as his turtleneck came off, and…damn. Felix was way more ripped than you thought he would be. Not quite to the level of Chan or Changbin…You were even more enthralled as he took his belt off and undid his jeans to let them fall. His hard cock was straining against the black fabric of his tight briefs, but he left them on as he kneeled before you again. He stood as high as he could on his knees, making him eye level with you.

"Can I?" He reached around your back, and you nodded so he could unhook your plain nude bra. As he took it off, he gently bumped his forehead against yours and flashed a smile.

"You're so pretty." He cooed and you huffed, looking away in embarrassment.

"That's the pot calling the kettle black." You mumbled and he giggled. Felix laid a soft kiss on your lips then began to move down. To your neck, collarbone, sternum, then down your right breast where he latched his mouth around your nipple. You exhaled and let him do what he wanted. He didn't garner much of a reaction, but it felt better than it normally did. He hummed in thought and then he laved his tongue around the peak of your breast, then his teeth slightly dug in, and you gasped. The corners of his mouth pulled into a smile, and he sucked hard on your nipple again and your skin tingled. Goosebumps rose on your arms, and he pulled away with a pop and moved to do the same to the other side. Your breathing was getting a bit heavier and as he pulled away from your chest, he pressed his hand on your sternum, telling you to lay back. You did so and as you did; he straight up bit your left breast on the swell of the flesh. This pulled a surprised moan from you, and he smirked, pulling back.

"You left a mark!" You scoffed and he laughed, "You're going to end up with a lot more, love." You gaped at him and before you could answer, his mouth was back on you, kissing over your ribs. You sighed and he moved down to your belly button, then licked a path up to under your breasts. His actions heated your skin, and he moved back down to the waistband of your panties.

"You okay with this?" His fingers had slipped under the fabric to run along your butt, his face close to your covered pussy. He could smell your arousal already and couldn't wait to bury his tongue inside you.

"Yes. How about I tell you if I'm not and you just do whatever you want." You finally told him. You loved that he asked and made sure, but you just wanted him to keep going.

"Whatever I want?" He whispered to himself, and his intense gaze met yours.

"Are you sure, love?"

"Y-yes." You felt like a small furry creature about to be devoured by a tiger.

"Hm." He smirked and his fingers dug into the flesh of your ass, dragging you to the end of the bed. Felix pressed his face into your covered cunt and licked at your clit through the fabric. You twitched a bit, but not enough for his liking. He clicked his tongue and instead of pulling your panties off, he tore them off. The side hem was fraying a bit and it allowed him to rip the fabric and he tossed the remnant away. You would have complained if it was a nicer pair. The display of strength was incredibly attractive. Once again, Felix's hands gripped your ass, hauling you closer and immediately shoved his tongue into your cunt. You exhaled harshly, laying back. It was if he was a man lost in the desert and you an oasis. He was practically drinking from you, devouring you. His nose bumped your clit as his tongue reached as deep as he could get it. You grunted slightly, surprised at how good it felt. He noticed that every time the tip of his nose hit your button that you flinched very slightly. Removing his face from between your legs for a moment, he took his thumbs and spread you open, and you squealed. It was embarrassing, but you didn't say anything, so he kept going, smirking as you covered your face. Licking another stripe from your core to your clit, he sealed his lips around the little bud and sucked as hard as he could. Your hips jumped slightly, and your breathing picked up, but it wasn't enough yet. Furrowing his brow, he pulled back again, tipping his head. If he wasn't doing what he was it would have been rather cute. He had one more trick up his sleeve. He took his thumb once again and rubbed a circle over your clit to see how you reacted. Glancing up he pushed harder against it to fully expose it, then he leaned forward to suck again. It was a stronger feeling than before and it made your hips jump again but then he did something unexpected, he placed your clit between his teeth and bit down a bit.

"Fuck!" You twitched hard, he wrapped his arm around your hips to hold them down, then he sucked again and gave another little nibble.

"F-Felix-" You gasped, and you were getting close. It was a different feeling than even the few times before. As he abused your poor little clit, he quickly inserted two fingers in your rapidly wetting cunt. This made you gasp again, and he could feel how tight you would be, but he was figuring out you needed a little bit of pain. Once more, he nibbled down, and at the same time he crooked his fingers up hard against your sweet spot and you fell apart. You saw white, you had never felt anything to that extent before. You had slammed your hand over your mouth, but he could still hear you nearly scream out a moan and he smiled cockily; your pussy walls clenched hard around his fingers and cum spurted out of your cunt. He held your hips down, feeling the muscles twitch and spasm. It seemed like it lasted forever and when you finally came down, you were panting hard. He kneeled straighter, pulling his fingers out of you, and noted that you had draped your arm over your eyes, and he couldn't tell if there were tears or sweat flowing down your cheeks. As he stood, Felix licked his fingers clean, and he kneeled over you some and pried your arm from your face. You looked dazed, and he still couldn't tell if it was sweat or tears.

"You did so good, love." He stroked the hairs back that were stuck to your forehead.

"How the actual fuck did you do that?" You gaped and he guffawed.

"It seems you like it to hurt a bit?"

"Hurt? It didn’t?" You seemed genuinely confused. Were you really that insensitive? With how tight your cunt was around his fingers he thought for sure it would have stung a bit. Most of the time getting bit somewhere that tender would hurt some even if it felt good.

"Interesting…" He thought for a second then looked back down at you.

"Do you wanna keep going?" Felix brushed a drop of the moisture from your cheek and you glanced at him.

"Why wouldn't I?" He huffed at that.

"You look like you just ran a marathon."

"Felix, if you can make me come, I'm going to let you do it as many times as possible." You deadpanned and his shocked expression softened, and he hummed. He bent over and kissed your forehead gently. His hand grabbed yours and he brought your knuckles to his lips so he could press another kiss there.

"(Y/N), I just want you to know, that I really like you, and I want to just hold you and love you all night." He admitted and your heart began to thud.

"But I think what you need is to be fucked senseless." His voice deepened even further, and his gaze sharpened. Your heart raced even more, and it seemed he was waiting for permission.

"Oh, god, please." You said quickly and he chuckled.

"Scoot up." He kissed your hand once more then let go and he got off the bed, letting you do as he requested. He went and turned your lamp on and shut the big overhead light off. He came over as you pulled your nightstand drawer open to make sure you did have condoms and that they weren't expired.

"What's this?" He had stopped next to you as you grabbed the box and his hand reached in a grabbed something else.

"Oh, uh-" Before you could answer he opened the box. He knew what it was before he asked. Inside there was a series of sex toys and it seemed none of them could do the trick. Bullet vibrator, one looked like a rose with suction, there was a rabbit vibrator, but the one that shocked him the most was the butt plug. It vibrated too and the plastic still hadn't been taken off of the box.

"Woah." He teased, pulling it out and you groaned.

"Haven't tried it?"

"I…Nothing else worked so I figured it was worth a try but I got nervous…"

"Hmm." He was thinking something, and you weren't sure you liked the look on his face.

"Another time." He shook his head and dropped it back in the box and put it in the drawer again and took the condom box from you.

"Hm." He hummed again and you shot him a look.

"What?"

"Have you tried anything with like ribbing or whatever?"

"Yes…didn't do jack. Even did the ones with like warming lube and stuff."

"…I have an idea but only if you're okay with it?"

"What?"

"I know it’s good to be double sure, but you're on the pill, yeah?"

"Yes."

"It seems you have trouble feeling stuff there, you would probably feel more without this." He rattled the box. He had a point, the only reason you used both was for security.

"We can get the morning after thing if you want-"

"That's fine." He seemed to know what he was doing, and you weren't overly worried about it.

"You sure?"

"Yes, Felix." You assured and he nodded, dropping the box back into the drawer, "They're the wrong size anyway." He muttered that to himself, but you caught it. Closing the drawer, he crawled back onto the bed and kneeled at your feet, then cast you a look. You nodded and he pulled your knees apart and for some reason it was still embarrassing even though his tongue had literally been inside you. You were neither a virgin nor a prude, but for some reason, since it was Felix, it felt different.

"Relax, love." He smiled, pressing his lips to yours again and his tongue slipped into your mouth. You whined when he pulled back and he chuckled, then maneuvered and removed his underwear and threw them somewhere.

"Fuck." You whined and you wanted him in your mouth.

"This is about you, love, not me." He pinched your nose, able to tell what you were thinking from the expression on your face.

"Fine." You pouted and his fingers went back to your cunt and gathered the wetness there and you watched as he stroked himself to get ready. What the fuck was he fed that despite his small size his cock was that big? Whatever it was also probably made his voice as deep as it was as well.

"Ready? I'm going to be rough with you." He warned, his sharp gaze rehardened, the softness still there underneath.

"Please." You let him just grab you, he spread your legs open wide, a slight burn in your hamstrings. There was very little time between the head of his cock meeting your cunt and him burying all the way to the hilt. It took your breath away and he grunted at how tight your hot core felt around him. He had honestly never had sex without a condom before either. After being inside your wet heat with no barrier, he didn't think he could ever do anything but, especially since he planned on being with you longer than he consciously realized. You were shivering at the sensation, his hot flesh searing through you, spreading you open so much so instantly. It stung some but it felt better than any other time and you weren't sure if it was because he was fucking you raw or that he was that big. You didn't even want to know how much bigger Chan supposedly was. He contemplated letting you get used to him, but Felix was losing control fast, and it seemed like you liked it rough. His hands on your thighs spreading them open gripped the flesh, easily swinging your legs up so he folded you in half, your knees at your ears.

"Hold on, love." Using his dancing skills, he snapped his hips as hard as he could, and your next orgasm hit you. If you whited out before, you practically blacked out that time. It was like water rushed over your head, your rapid pulse thudding in your ears, your blood audibly racing. He grunted and you could barely hear it through the ringing in your ears and he dug his fingers hard into the flesh of your thighs to hold back his own orgasm. Your walls were hugging his cock so tight, and you were practically gushing around him. He hoped that he had pulled some kind of seal off of you, and that he could get you to fall apart over and over and over. He wanted to be the one that could say he fucked you stupid and that no one could ever finish you simply because they weren't him. His ego shot through the roof, and he wanted to ruin you. When he first thought of going through with this, the plan was to show you how much he loved you, what you meant to him. But he had no idea what you liked and what would finally get you off. If you needed rough, he would do it. Looping his thoughts to keep distracted from the vice of your cunt, he finally felt you relax, and you nearly went boneless, your legs in his grip losing all strength. You were heaving for air again, not sure which way was up or down, how old you were, or even your own name. All you could think of was Felix.

"No!" You yiped as he pulled out, but he rolled you over onto your stomach, hauled your hips up, your face buried in the pillow and he buried his cock back into your needy pussy, making you white knuckled the sheets. He began a truly relentless pace, and it was the best thing anyone had ever done to you.

"You like my cock, love?"

"Fuck, yes!" You managed to get out, each thrust made you silently scream, forming words became nearly impossible. Maybe the fact that he got you to orgasm allowed you to be more sensitive; then maybe because you had tried for so hard for so long with no success, your body could finally let go. Felix had the key to not only your heart, it seemed, but your cunt as well.

Leaning forward, he gripped the frame of your bed for leverage and kept his thrusts just as hard but extremely shallow. The fat head of his cock beat against your back walls so hard that you were sure they would forever be molded to only him. You felt another climax rising and your own hands scrambled to grip the wooden rods of your bed frame as well.

"F-Felix!" You managed to get out and you watched one of his hands leave the frame above you, and he smacked your right ass cheek and upper thigh hard, and you fell over the edge again. This time, he couldn't hold back either, and he fucked as deep into you as he could and filled your womb with his cum. That sensation made your climax flare to max again even though it had begun to dissipate, and your fluttering canal helped him ride out his own orgasm. You thanked the Lord birth control existed because you never wanted him to cum anywhere but inside after that. As you both caught your breath, he slowly pulled out of you and the adrenaline left you and now you were sore. Your clit, your pussy, where he had smacked you, everything. You didn't think you would be able to walk tomorrow. When he had fully withdrew, your hips slumped down and you flopped flat onto the bed, not able to move.

"Hold on, love." He leaned over you and kissed your hot cheek, covered in tears from the intensity of what he just reeked on you. You felt him wipe your used cunt off with a towel and you whined when he moved you to pull the blanket out from under you. He made a note to remove the comforter before fucking you on the bed again, because he sure was planning on doing it again.

"You're fine, pretty girl." He chuckled and crawled into bed with you. He shut the lamp off and the room was cast in shadow before your eyes got used to the dull light of the streetlights behind the curtain. Getting settled, he saw you had laid on your side already, the only way you could fall asleep. Smiling he curled around you, wiggling his arm under your head and wrapped his other around your middle. He rested his hand on your tummy, holding you close. He had to be careful, your cute little butt pressed against his now-covered groin was enough on its own to get him riled back up. The arm under your head bent so his hand could rest on your forehead, and he kissed the back of your head.

"Goodnight, love." Felix hugged you as close as possible, loving being your big spoon.

"I won’t be able to walk tomorrow." You mumbled and buried his nose in your hair and smiled smugly.

"If you can I won’t have done my job right."

"Thank you, 'Lix."

"Of course, sweet." Another kiss to your head.

"Go to sleep. I'll take care of you tomorrow. And every day after that you'll have me." His deep but quiet voice rumbled next to your ear, and you linked your fingers with his on the hand on your stomach.

"I'll have you always, Felix."

"Good, because you're stuck with me now."

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[imagine-you]

all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me [Logan/Reader]

Summary: Sequel to won't somebody come take me home? and closer to where I started. Now that you've decided to put the past behind you, you're focused solely on what the future holds for you, Logan, and your family. Whether that means teaming up with the X-Men to help stop the escalated attacks around the city or sitting down for a nice dinner with Logan, Laura, and Wade, you're ready for all of it. You're so close to being completely happy until you find yourself a victim of one of the attacks and find out that someone from Logan's universe has managed to return. You never expected your new life to be easy, but you certainly never thought Logan's wife would show up and disrupt everything you had built for yourself. Word Count: 9k Author's Note: This chapter may contain: Angst, Reader Whump, Surprise Cameos, Angst, A New Villain, A Disrupted Villain Origin Story, Training Montages, Angst, A Smidge of Hope, Illusions, and…Angst. (but I swear the angst gets resolved. y'all have to trust me!! there will be a happy ending for this fic.)

When I'm With You I'm Home 'verse

won't somebody come take me home? // closer to where I started

Read on AO3

If anyone had told you while you were stuck in the Void that there was a future where you found yourself in another universe and your greatest wish had come true, then you would have chalked it up to a pipe dream and left it at that. If anyone had told you there was a future where your worst nightmare had come true, well then, that would've been easier to believe.  

"What are you making?" Laura asked, peering over your shoulder to get a look at the stove.  

"Something special," you told her, winking at her when she let out an impatient huff. "Steak and pasta," you clarified, turning your attention back to where you were spooning sauce over the steaks, hoping the flavor carried through for you.  

After getting back from your original universe, you had felt like the weight of the past had been lifted off your shoulders. You didn't give a fuck about your original Logan and as far as you were concerned, he could fuck off into whatever happy existence he wanted with Jean. Did you want them to suffer? Maybe. But it was no longer a requirement for you to heal.  

Your Logan had made sure of that.  

Now, weeks had passed, and you felt like a new person. Gone was the obsession with the past and in its place was now your excitement for the future.  

Your future with Logan and Laura and even Wade. Your future with a new family and a new team. Life hadn’t given you a moment of rest, but you were happy to know that when your back was against the wall, you had people ready to jump in and protect you from whatever hit came your way.  

All of you had spent the last couple of weeks wrapped up in the escalated attacks happening throughout the city. There weren't many indicators about who exactly was causing them. Half the time, there were explosions and other times it was just an outright slaughter.  

Logan and Wade were out trying to help the X-Men clean up the latest catastrophe. You had opted to stay home with Laura, taking a moment of well-deserved rest from running from one tragedy to the next. Logan had left you with a promise to return that evening and a kiss that hinted at more later.  

You thought it was cute how Logan kept insisting he was retired, but the first sign of trouble, and he couldn't help but jump right in. It was why you loved him, because even though he had spent years spiraling after the devastation he faced with his old life, he still couldn't help but try to make things better for others.  

You liked to think you had a little something to do with that.  

Even though you were just within reach from a perfect existence, you knew it still wasn't without its problems. You and Logan still had a lot of work to do. Both of you were still holding things close to the chest, afraid to show them and lose everything you had earned.  

Sometimes, you caught Logan simply watching you, wary and concerned, as if he thought you were about to leave him. Other times, when Logan woke in the middle of the night and reached for you, you wondered if he knew it was you or if he still held onto the memory of his wife, seeking her for comfort. Logan had been open and honest with you, but you sometimes got the feeling that he wasn't telling you everything. Some nights, when you couldn't sleep, you would lie awake and watch him, terrified that if given the chance he would leave you in a heartbeat for his old life.  

You always had the feeling like the other shoe was about to drop, so you had taken on the mentality that you were going to enjoy every day you got with him. Which was why you were hellbent on making the perfect dinner and having the perfect dessert all ready to go when he got back home. 

"Shit," you hissed when you started stirring together the ingredients for the pasta sauce. "I forgot one thing," you groaned, glancing over at Laura. "I've got to go out to grab something. Will you keep an eye on this for me? Just make sure it doesn't burn," you instructed her when Laura gifted you with a skeptical look. 

"What if it burns?" Laura wondered, reaching out to take the spoon from you when you handed it to her.  

"Then we'll order takeout," you answered with a shrug of your shoulders. "It won't be a big deal, but I still want to try to get this right," you told her, reaching out to flick her ear. 

Laura turned a glare on you, and you knew if you were anyone else, she would have already brought out her claws. You saw a fond smile take the place of her scowl before she shook her head. "Hurry," she urged you, turning a wary look at the stove.  

"Ten minutes," you promised, reaching out to grab your keys and wallet. "Just going down to the corner store." You saw Laura open her mouth and you knew what she was going to ask. "Yes, I'll get the cookies," you told her, thinking of the chocolate monstrosities she was so obsessed with lately.  

Laura grinned at you, pleased, and cautiously began to stir the sauce.  

You locked the apartment door behind you. You knew Laura was more than capable of taking care of herself and she had already been through hell and back, but you couldn't help but want to protect her in every way you could. She was still a kid, even if she would point out she was seventeen.  

You made it to the tiny market just around the corner from your apartment within four minutes. You were eager to get back and finish dinner. You couldn't wait to see the look on Logan's face when you had dinner all set up and told him that Laura even helped make it. You knew Wade would invite himself to dinner, so you would of course have extra just for him. You knew you wouldn’t be here without him, and while he drove you crazy, you now couldn’t imagine your life without him in it.  

You were a family, fucked up and weird, but full of love.  

You grabbed the cookies Laura wanted and searched for a can of black olives. You caught sight of the spices and started in that direction to see if there was anything extra you wanted to add to the sauce. You figured you had maybe five minutes to get back before Laura insisted she did everything she could to salvage dinner, but maybe you should just order pizza.  

You were reaching out to grab a bottle of parsley flakes when you noticed something pass right in front of you. You startled at the sight of the playing card, faintly glowing pink, as it sailed towards the shelves in front of you.  

You didn't even have time to prepare before the card landed and the shelves exploded. You brought your arms up, trying to shield your face from the shrapnel. The force of the blast was strong enough to throw you back into the shelves behind you. You felt your head connect with the edge of one the shelves and stars exploded in your vision.  

There was a ringing in your ears and the taste of blood in your mouth. Your head felt like it was spinning as you struggled to open your eyes, not even sure when you had closed them.  

You could hear footsteps approaching you and you managed to squint up at the person standing in front of you. Your gaze drifted from his boots to his trench coat and then up to his eyes. They were glowing a faint red.  

"Remy?" You groaned, reaching up to press a hand to your forehead. You blinked a couple of times, trying to make sense of what was going on. You looked at your fingers and they were stained red, blood coating them. Your face was stinging from the bits of shrapnel you hadn’t been able to shield yourself from and the back of your head was aching in a way you had never felt before.  

Remy crouched down in front of you. He reached out and tucked his fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at him. "Now, I know we've never met before, so how is it you know my name?" He turned your head one way and then the other, considering you for a brief moment, before he made a thoughtful noise. "Oh, but believe me, we're going to get to know each other real well, bon ami. Just you wait." His eyes were no longer glowing, but there was a devious look in them you didn't like.  

You attempted to sit up, but your vision swam and you felt like you were going to throw up. “What the hell are you doing?” You attempted to ask, but your words were slurred, and you were having a hard time concentrating on him even though he was right in front of you.  

"Let's get you home, hm?" Remy said, gathering you up in his arms. He stood, lifting you with him, and you tried to wriggle out of his hold, but he was clutching you tightly enough that you couldn’t move.  

The last thing you saw was the underside Remy's jaw and the blur of the ceiling tiles above you before darkness swept in to collect you.  

You woke to sunlight that had escaped past the curtains in your bedroom and crept right towards you. It was an unwelcome intrusion and you brought your hand up to shield your eyes.  

You groaned, forcing yourself to sit up, before squinting at your surroundings. Your head was aching, each pound of your heart sending a bolt of pain right behind your eyes. You didn’t remember drinking the night before or even crawling into bed, but it felt like the worst hangover you had ever experienced. 

"Fuck," you grumbled before forcing yourself out of bed. Logan seemed to already be up, and you wondered if he had liked your dinner the night before. There was something wrong, something off, but you didn't know what it was yet. You were having trouble thinking past the pain.  

You walked towards your bedroom door, intent on hunting down the bottle of painkillers you kept in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. You tried to think about what happened before you fell asleep and finally your memories came back to you in a dizzying rush.  

Making dinner, leaving Laura in charge, and locking the door behind you. Going to the store, a playing card that ending in an explosion, and Remy promising to take you home.  

"I had the weirdest dream," you muttered as you stumbled out into the living room. The pain in your head spiked with every footstep and your mouth was so dry your tongue felt like it was sticking to the roof of your mouth.  

The first thing you noticed was that Logan was sitting at the kitchen table and the second was that he wasn't alone. You froze just a few feet away from the table trying to make sense of what was in front of you.  

Because Logan was there in his usual seat at the table and he had his hand outstretched over the surface. His hand was clutching the stranger's like a lifeline and he looked as if the person in front of him had just saved him from his own personal torment.  

You slowly rounded the table, a twisting feeling of dread in your gut, as you got a look at the stranger.  

It was you.  

Well, not you. She had a scar crossing one of her eyes and her hair was a different color. She carried herself with more confidence, her shoulders not slumped and head held high. She was wearing the same yellow and blue X-Men suit you first saw your Logan in when you were trapped in the Void.  

But she was still undeniably you. Just a variant you could have been in another universe.  

"What?" You felt helpless as you looked to her and then to Logan. Pain had been overtaken by confusion and now you felt like you were going to pass out for an entirely different reason. "What's going on?" 

"My wife," Logan said, finally tearing his gaze away from her to look at you. "She's back. A portal opened up last night and she walked right through it." His voice was filled with incredulous awe, and it felt like there was a knife digging into your chest. Your breath hitched and you tried to push past the feeling being carved out right where your heart resided.  

You didn't think it could get any worse until you noticed the look of pure love and adoration he gifted her. You had only ever seen that look aimed at you and seeing it given so freely to someone else had you clenching your fists at your sides, anger washing over you.  

"So, what?" You snapped, trying and failing to keep the hurt out of your tone. "She's just going to live here now? We'll all be one big happy family?" You didn't want to fight anyone for Logan's attention. Not again. Not after what happened with Jean in your other universe. You couldn't lose again. You wouldn't.  

Logan stared up at you before he finally looked back at his wife. "We're still married," he pointed out, brushing his thumb gently over the wedding ring on his wife's hand. "And she was my first love," he continued, twisting the knife deeper and deeper. "I'm sorry, but I can't leave her again." 

You watched the couple in front of you, frozen in that moment. Hurt and indecision rose within you and you felt trapped.  

"So, what does that mean for me?" Your voice sounded so small and scared that you almost didn't believe it was yours. You had never felt this way with your Logan before and you didn't know what to do.  

Logan finally tore his gaze away from his wife to look at you again.  

"I'm sorry, but now that I have her back...," he trailed off, letting you assume the rest for yourself. "You can stay until you find somewhere else to go," he offered, as if it was any consolation.  

You let out a hollow little laugh as you took a step away from him. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Logan, after everything you had been through together, was giving you up as if you meant nothing to him. The same ache and loneliness you felt back in your original universe was descending on you again. You thought you had put those feelings behind you, but now you were having to confront them again in the worst way.  

Because this Logan had loved you like the other one never had and this one had promised never to hurt you. But here he was, crushing any hope you had that this Logan would be different.  

You forced yourself to turn around, putting your back to them. You couldn't stand to look at them anymore.  

You were faced with Laura standing there in the doorway of the apartment. She was silent, watching you, and you had a sinking feeling in your gut that told you this wouldn't go your way either.  

"Laura, I--," you started as you approached her, not even sure where you would end up. "Do you want to come with me?" Was what you settled on, because evidently you couldn't stay here. You had been through so much with Laura. You had survived the Void together and fought together just to survive. Surely, that had to mean something to her. ‘Don’t leave me all alone,’ was what you wanted to beg, but you didn’t want Logan to have the satisfaction of seeing you brought down to your lowest point.  

Laura took a few steps forward and you wondered if she would meet you in the middle. Instead, she walked past you and stood at the table, joining Logan and his wife. "I can't lose him again," Laura said, echoing your thoughts. Except, Laura could stay and you had to go.  

You saw Logan's wife, the other you, the one he was choosing over you, reach out to flick Laura's ear. Instead of snapping at her, Laura turned a fond, soft smile on the other you and you felt another piece of your heart break.  

That was your thing with Laura and that should have been your smile. Logan's wife had swept in and cleared you out, leaving no room for you.  

You could feel the fight or flight instinct rising within you and you chose to get the hell out of there. It wasn't your home anymore, because someone had filled your role. You were no longer needed.  

You didn't even know where you were going to go, but you somehow found yourself right at Wade's doorstep. You brought your hand up to knock, terror and despair coursing through you.  

Wade answered the door in a suit and tie. You would have asked him what the hell was going on, but he didn't give you a chance to talk. He leaned on the doorframe, considering you with a grimace. "I thought you'd show up here after you found out." 

"You know?" You weren't sure why it felt like such a betrayal, but you always thought Wade would have had your back. Why didn't he track you down and warn you? Why had no one just given you some kind of heads up that you would be completely ousted from the life you had built for yourself with Logan? 

"Sure do, baby bird," Wade confirmed with a quick nod of his head. There was something off in his tone. This didn't feel like the same Wade you had come to know and reluctantly love. This almost felt like a stranger wearing a Wade mask. "I was there when she showed up. Just walked right out of that portal and into Logan's arms like she hasn't been dead for the past who knows how long." 

You hated that you could picture that perfectly, as if Wade's memory was playing out in your head.  

"Yeah, well, it looks like I'm not needed anymore now that he has who he really wants." You felt like an idiot for ever thinking you were more than just a placeholder for Logan's wife. You didn't want to cry in front of Wade, but you could feel the sting of tears in your eyes.  

Wade tilted his head to the side, watching you with an intensity that was almost unnerving. "So, what are you gonna do now?" 

"Can I stay here?" You tried, knowing that you couldn't go back to your apartment. You didn't want to ever step foot in there again, knowing that the bright, happy memories you had created were now tainted with misery.  

Wade brought his foot back, kicking the door to his apartment open enough for you to see Vanessa seated at the table. "No can do," Wade answered with a wince. "You see, I'm trying to win her back over and I'm already sharing a one bedroom apartment with Blind Al, so it's a little cramped around here. But hey, if you join the X-Men, it usually comes with free room and board. They'll take anyone," he got out on a laugh, before he waved his hand. "Well, except for me. You shoot one person," he lamented, shaking his head in disappointment. "Or, hey, I hear Love Island is casting. Might be time to find you a new boo." 

"So," you started, trying to reconcile the fact that you no longer had a home with Logan and now you couldn't find one either with Wade. "I can't stay here," you said, and it was no longer a question, it was just a fact of your new lonely, pathetic existence. 

There was something so off about everything that had happened that day and you were trying to make sense of all of it. You had just spent the night before making a special dinner for your family and now you didn't even have one.  

Everything was happening so fast that you felt like you weren’t even really processing it. Why hadn’t you just stayed at the apartment and fought for Logan? This was your life. Your home, your family, your love. Why were you just giving it all up so easily? You didn’t understand, but now you weren’t even sure you would be able to force yourself to go back. 

"No," Wade admitted, with a sheepish grin. "It's not only Vanessa, you see, but Logan. I mean, Deadpool and Wolverine are a package deal now. There's no breaking up that superhero wet dream team and if I'm harboring his ex? Then that'll just make it more awkward than the time I used his toothbrush on Dogpool. Trust me, he made me regret that one. There are some places those claws of his should not go," he warned with a shudder.  

Hearing Wade refer to you as Logan's ex broke something inside you. You could feel hurt begin to overwhelm you, swiftly replaced by anger. You let out a short, sharp scream of frustration. You didn't even realize you had formed a forcefield around you and pushed out with it until you realized Wade had been knocked several steps back.  

"Y/N--" Wade started, but you turned away from him.  

You didn't want to be placated and you didn't want to deal with anymore of Wade's nonsense. You let yourself go invisible, knowing that it was the only way you would feel safe now.  

You wandered around the neighborhood for hours, trying to figure out where you belonged. You trudged from street to street before unerringly finding your way back to your apartment complex once night fell. You didn't dare go inside, but you stayed out on the sidewalk. People passed by you, never knowing you were even there, and you kept your gaze up on the window that shone brightest in the dark.  

Logan was up there. He was with his wife and Laura and they were a family in their home enjoying a night together. You were no one with nothing and no home to share with anyone. 

You weren't sure why you stayed there for so long, but you thought it had something to do with hope and an inane wish that he would come downstairs and tell you it was all some sick joke. You thought of his promise that he would always find you, even when you were hidden, but that hadn't been true either.  

Logan was happy without you, because he had what he really wanted all along. So, why would he come find you when he didn't even need you anymore? 

Or worse, Logan knew you were down here and just didn't care about you anymore.  

With that revelation, you turned and walked away. There was a swirling mess of thoughts stuck in your head that dredged up the same old insecurities you thought you had shed once and for all.  

You would never be good enough. You were unloved. You didn't matter. You weren't worth anything. 

You had no one.  

You felt tears slide down your cheeks as you aimlessly roamed from place to place. You next found yourself outside the X-Mansion, wondering if you should take Wade's advice and join up with the X-Men. As much as you longed to feel like you belonged somewhere, you didn't think you could go back to saving people with a smile on your face like you weren't slowly withering inside.  

There was a whisper of your name on the air. You glanced over your shoulder, looking to see who called your name, but you found no one. It had been so faint that you might have imagined it, but there was a feeling, an electrified touch, that had briefly set your nerves alight.  

You weren't sure what time it was, but you were exhausted. You found it pathetic and sad that you didn't have anywhere to go. You didn't even have money for a hotel room. All you could think to do was find a park and drop down onto a bench. At the very least, you knew you could protect yourself if anyone tried to attack you.  

You formed a forcefield around you, ignoring the fact that it would only slip away while you slept, and let yourself drift away.  

When you woke, you weren't alone. You jolted in place, suddenly wide awake, and scrambled to sit up. On the bench across from yours, a man was sitting reading a newspaper.  

He quirked an eyebrow at you when he realized he had your attention.  

"I was wondering when you would wake up," he said, lowering the newspaper.  

He had dark eyes and darker hair. He wore a suit with a black trench coat, but the illusion of a businessman was ruined by the combat boots he was wearing. His skin was pale and there was a faint ring of red around his eyes that had you wondering if he was wearing makeup. His appearance, oddly enough, seemed false, but the grin on his face was genuine, if a bit unsettling.  

"Were you watching me?" You couldn't help but wonder, half-torn between becoming invisible to make your escape and staying to get answers.  

"Yes," he answered, unashamed by his actions. "I thought it fascinating that someone would let you stay out here all alone. You don't deserve that, so I stayed to keep watch over you." 

You wanted to tell him you could take care of yourself, but you didn't feel so sure about that anymore. The reminder of your loneliness crept up on you and you could feel doubt settle over you. You were on your own now without a team. No one was going to come save you if you found yourself in trouble. You would simply have to claw your own way out.  

"What's your name?" You decided to ask instead, studying him from across the small concrete path that separated you.  

"Nathaniel," he introduced himself with a smile. "And you are?" 

"Y/N," you returned, with a half-hearted wave.  

"Now, I know we just met, but I do have one thing on my mind," Nathaniel started, leaning in towards you after placing his newspaper on the bench beside him. "What on earth are you doing out here all by yourself?" 

You felt your lips twist to the side in a frown as you bit down on the side of your mouth to keep a lid on the emotions that threatened to boil over at the reminder of the previous day. "I--," you cut yourself off, not sure how to phrase your situation to a stranger without making it seem as if you had completely lost your mind. "I lost my home yesterday," you settled on with a grimace. "My family kicked me out." 

Nathaniel made a sympathetic noise before he stood up. "May I?" He asked, gesturing towards your bench. 

You shrugged your shoulders in answer but moved over to leave him enough space to sit down beside you.  

"In my experience, family is a fickle thing," Nathaniel continued once he was at your side. "People come and go, but you have to be able to stand by yourself and forge your own path once it all falls apart." 

"I don't know if I can do that this time," you whispered, ashamed to admit that you were on the brink of losing whatever control over your emotions you had managed since waking up.  

Nathaniel turned so he could watch you. It was a bit unnerving, but you figured you had no one else for company. A smirk tugged at his lips as he studied you. "You're a fighter," he assured you.  

"Oh?" You wondered, returning his stare. "And how would you know that?" 

His smirk was still in place as he tapped his temple. "I'm psychic," he proclaimed, holding up his fingers and waving them before imitating a ghostly wail.  

You couldn't help the laugh that escaped you and it felt so wrong.  

"There we go," Nathaniel murmured with a pleased smile. "Look, I know you don't know me, but how about a drink? Coffee?" He prompted, moving to stand and holding out a hand to you.  

You didn't want to wallow in your misery on the park bench all by yourself and you figured Nathaniel made a decent enough distraction. "You're paying," you told him, reluctantly grabbing his hand and letting him help you up. "Only because I don't have any money." 

Nathaniel laughed, the sound briefly jarring to you, and cocked his head to the side. "In that case, I'll buy you breakfast too." 

You found yourself in a diner booth sitting across from Nathaniel. He offered to buy you whatever you wanted, but you settled for a cup of coffee and a stack of pancakes. You weren't all that hungry and you couldn't get your mind off Logan. You wondered what he was doing right at that moment and then you dashed the thought. He was probably happy with his wife and Laura and had forgotten all about you.  

"Hey," Nathaniel called, getting your attention. "Where did you go?" 

You shook your head, biting your lip to distract yourself.  

"Thinking about your family?" He prompted, shooting you a wary look. "I know I'm a stranger and it's none of my business, but do you want to tell me what happened? Maybe I can offer some perspective." 

You scowled down at your pancakes, pushing them halfheartedly around the plate with a fork. You glanced around the diner, spotting a blonde woman wearing a white suit watching you curiously from a booth not far from yours. You shook your head at Nathaniel, not wanting anyone to overhear you.  

"Let's get out of here," you told him, pushing yourself out of the booth. "I could use a walk to clear my head." 

"Alright," Nathaniel readily agreed, standing as well. While he placed a twenty on the table, you made for the door.  

There was that whisper again in the air that had you looking over your shoulder. Someone was calling your name, but you didn't see anyone you recognized. No one was even looking at you except for Nathaniel who was slowly approaching you.  

"You okay?" Nathaniel interrupted, stealing your attention away.  

"Yeah," you muttered, briefly nodding your head. "Just c'mon," you said, barely waiting for Nathaniel to follow you before you pushed through the door and walked outside.  

You didn't think you would be able to confide in a total stranger, but there was something strangely freeing about unloading all the burdens on your mind to someone who didn't know anything about you. You even managed to drop the mutant bomb on him and were surprised when Nathaniel only took it in stride, as if he had expected all along you weren’t quite normal. He mostly seemed focused on what you told him about your family and how you lost them all in one fell swoop.  

"Sounds like you're better off without them," Nathaniel mused. "Anyone who would let you go like that is an idiot." 

"Maybe," you begrudgingly agreed. You didn't think it was possible, but Nathaniel had managed to make you feel better. Maybe letting out all your worries had briefly unburdened you. Or maybe since you lost everyone, you had been desperate to hear someone tell you it wasn’t your fault.  

"They're all ungrateful idiots," Nathaniel continued. "You're special," he told you. "And you deserve more." 

His tone brooked no argument, but you were a little thrown off by how serious he seemed.  

"I don't know what I'm going to do now," you deflected, scowling down at your hands. "I don't have anyone or anywhere to go. And I've just spent the day with a stranger telling him my whole pathetic sob story." 

"I'm not a stranger anymore," Nathaniel offered with a grin. "You know my name and everything." 

"I know literally nothing else about you," you pointed out. You were starting to feel apprehensive about trusting someone you didn't even know. Your head was beginning to hurt and you could feel your hands trembling. You weren't sure why panic had hit you all at once, but you could feel your heart beating overtime in your chest and a cold sweat begin to break out along your skin. You were beginning to hyperventilate, confused and overwhelmed, when Nathaniel took you by the shoulders and forced you to look into his eyes.  

"Hey, it's all going to be okay. Just trust me, alright? Y/N, you with me?"  

You tried to focus on Nathaniel, but there was a ringing in your ears and you swore someone else was trying to get your attention. You shook your head, trying to keep yourself from falling right into a spiral. You forced yourself to take slow, deep breaths, realizing that Nathaniel was also taking them, trying to coach you through your anxiety attack.  

You closed your eyes once you finally felt like you could stand on your own two feet without freaking out. You took a moment to center yourself before allowing yourself to open your eyes again.  

"Thanks," you whispered, nodding at him when he shot you a skeptical look. "I'm fine. I'll be fine," you claimed, even though you knew it was a lie. You were tired of loving and losing. Your heart ached for Logan and you knew that you would never recover from losing him. But Nathaniel, odd as he was, had managed to help you feel like maybe you didn't have to spend the rest of your existence completely alone.  

"I know you will," Nathaniel confirmed with another one of his smiles. "Because you're coming home with me." 

You stared at Nathaniel, waiting for the punchline, but it never came. "I could be a serial killer," you warned him with a scoff. "And you're inviting me into your home?" 

Nathaniel shrugged his shoulders, a smirk on his face. "I'm not scared of you." 

He sounded so sure of himself that you couldn't help the disbelieving laugh that escaped you. "You're completely insane, aren't you?" 

"So, is that a yes?" Nathaniel wondered, holding his hand out to you and waiting for you to take it. "Will you join me?" 

You stared down at his hand for a beat too long to be socially acceptable. It felt like you were about to make a deal with the devil, but Nathaniel had been nothing but kind. He had given you a shoulder to cry on and was now giving you a place to go so you wouldn’t have to spend another night on a park bench. 

You knew it was probably a bad idea, but you still found yourself reaching out to take his hand.  

"Okay," you reluctantly agreed. "I'll go with you." 

You thought it would be weird once you found yourself in Nathaniel's apartment, but it felt oddly familiar. He had a guest room that he had designated as yours and made sure you could take whatever you wanted from the fridge. You didn't know how to return his kindness, but you knew you would have to find a way.  

Nathaniel had gone out to get dinner while you waited on his couch, idly flipping through channels. You were starting to doze off, exhausted, when you heard someone calling for you.  

You squinted at the television, wondering if you were hearing things, when it happened again. You had stopped on a news report, catching sight of the woman from the diner. You assumed she was a news anchor, but the way she was looking at the camera gave you the eerie sensation that she was somehow actually watching you. When her gaze drifted over, as if looking at someone behind you, you rushed to turn off the television. 

You cautiously glanced over your shoulder, half-expecting to see someone standing there. But you were alone.  

 “Y/N,” the voice called again. It was faint, like they were outside, but close enough for you to hear.  

“What the fuck is happening?” You growled, growing frustrated. “Where are you?” 

You stood, wondering if you should go looking for whoever was trying to reach you, when Nathaniel walked into the apartment. He held up the bag of takeout and nodded towards the kitchen table.  

"Ready to eat?" 

Time dragged on as days and weeks passed. You still thought of Logan practically every waking moment, but Nathaniel had done his best to distract you.  

You were grateful for him, because you didn't know how you would have lived without someone there to fill the void in your life.  

You weren't sure what day it was or even how long had passed since you last saw Logan, but you knew that you had started to heal.  

"Sometimes," Nathaniel told you once you voiced that thought to him. "You have to let something break so you can piece it back together to get something new. To get what you truly want. What is it that you want, Y/N?" Nathaniel studied you with the same unnerving intensity he always did and you hated to admit that you were finding it less weird each time it happened.  

Logan was the first thought that came to your mind. You wanted Logan and you wanted your home and you wanted your family. You wanted to show Laura how to cook and you wanted to follow Wade into crazy situations, knowing that he would have your back just like you had his back. You wanted to crawl into bed with Logan at the end of each day knowing that you were wanted and cherished.  

Nathaniel made a disappointed noise before he shook his head. "There's no going back," he told you "I'm sorry, but it's just not going to happen." 

You didn't like the way he sounded so sure of himself. Nathaniel didn't know Logan and he didn't even really know you. You had spent weeks with him, but years of your life had been devoted to a Logan. Your Logan had been better, you knew it, so maybe you were the one who wasn't worthy.  

Nathaniel made a tsking noise before he reached out. He wrapped his hand lightly along the underside of your jaw, his thumb pressed to the other side of your neck over your pulse point. He considered you for a long moment, as if he was searching for something.  

"He left you," Nathaniel reminded you, as if it hadn't been eating you up inside since it happened. "You are special. You deserve to be cherished," he continued, and you started to worry about the potentially romantic direction he was going with his lecture. A brief smile flitted across his face, as if he could read your mind, before his expression slipped back towards something more serious. "You're lost and you're broken," he added, gently sweeping his thumb over your pulse point. "Let me put the pieces back together." 

You weren't even sure if you trusted Nathaniel, but you had spent so long hurting that you were tempted to say yes.  

You suddenly felt like someone had brushed their hand over the back of your head and you heard someone call your name. It was the same voice as before and you knew better than to look for someone you wouldn't find. But Nathaniel's eyes strayed just over your shoulder, as if he had heard it too. There was a brief flicker of irritation on his face before he gifted you with a sincere smile.  

"I've got you," he promised. "No one is ever going to get near you again." 

"Okay," you finally agreed, if only because you were curious about what he had in mind. You also couldn't deny that you were just so desperate to not fall back into that desolate pit of isolation you had begun to dig for yourself. Nathaniel saw you and he wanted you. There wasn't much else you felt like you could ask for now.  

And if Nathaniel's sharp smile sent a shiver through you for all the wrong reasons, then you were the only one who had to know about that.  

Nathaniel seemed insistent that in order to move on, you would have to make yourself stronger. To him, that seemed to mean training day and night, improving upon your power in new and terrifying ways.  

You spent hours, days, weeks, stretching the limits of your power. Your power had always been meant as a defense, to protect and contain, but now you wanted to wield it as a weapon.  

Your progress felt excruciatingly slow, but you had to admit that you were pleased with the results. It started simple enough with just a thought. You wanted your forcefields to hurt. The barriers you would have erected to protect yourself should also be used to hurt anyone who dared get too close.   

Nathaniel had rented out an abandoned location in a strip mall and set up targets for you to use. More often than not, he was watching you, as if he was waiting for something. Other times, he seemed content to leave you alone, trusting you would have something new to show him when he returned.  

You practiced on the targets, first forming forcefields around your fists and breaking anything that stood in your way. Nothing held up to them and you started growing bored of that tactic. You started to think that if you could form a forcefield, then it could be any shape you wanted. Spikes, swords, knives all began to adorn the edges of your forcefields, facing out and ready to maim anything that was in the way.  

Nathaniel seemed eager when you first formed a forcefield that was outlined with spikes and used it to repeatedly stab holes into the brick fence that lined the back of the property. You were sure he was never going to get his deposit back, but he didn't even seem to care. He only encouraged you to think bigger and do more.  

With time, you were even able to produce two forcefields at once. It was exhausting and drained all your energy, but you liked the idea of protecting yourself while also using a different forcefield to hurt an attacker. From there, it was only natural to think of taking a forcefield, forming it around an enemy, and turning the projected spikes inward, letting them impale your target without a way to escape.  

You felt stronger and invulnerable. You had never thought to test your power like this, and the feeling was nearly intoxicating. Logan and Laura and Wade were still on your mind, but now you knew that you didn’t need them. Like Nathaniel told you, you could stand on your own and forge your own path ahead.  

No one would hold you back now.  

The first time you felt the full force of your own power was when Nathaniel was taunting you into a reaction.  

"He doesn't care about you anymore. He's moved on with the true love of his life and you are nothing to him. You don't need him anymore. You can show him that you're better off without him." 

There were targets surrounding you, but you didn't care about them. All you could think about was Logan and the stupid lovelorn look on his face as he looked at his wife. He looked like he had been saved. Saved from you and whatever pathetic existence he was ready to settle for in her absence. You deserved better and you wanted to rip that stupid look right off his face. You wanted to make him and her regret it.  

You let out a scream of frustration, punching out with your forcefield at one of the targets, but it got carried away from you. All the targets snapped back, taken out at once from the blast. It carried farther out, nearly ripping the door off its hinges and shattering the front windows.  

You looked at Nathaniel, where he was splayed on the floor, staring up at you in awe.  

"You did it," he praised as he began to push himself to his feet. You crossed over towards him, holding out your hand to help get him up off the floor. “I knew you could do it.” 

"What was that?" You wondered, breathless and ecstatic. Your power had never quite felt like that before. You wanted to try it again, the rush of it addicting. If you could hone that and strengthen it, then you could use it on multiple enemies at once. You could become nearly unstoppable.   

"A repulsion field," Nathaniel answered, reaching out to rest a hand on your shoulder. "With time, I expect you'll be able to direct it and control it. You’ll be able to take out a whole city if you want." 

"Shit," you breathed, still shocked that you had managed something like that. "I didn't think I could use my power in that way. It was...exciting," you decided with a grin at Nathaniel.  

"I told you that you're special," he reminded you. "I knew you had that in you all along." 

"Thank you," you found yourself saying. You considered the targets on the floor and wondered if there would be any more use in them.  

"I have extras," Nathaniel assured you. "Want to try again?" 

You felt a pleased little thrill shoot through you at the thought. "Fuck yes," you answered.  

A week passed since you found out about the extra perk your power allowed you. You felt more confident and assured of yourself. Gone was the self-doubt and in its place was a feeling that you could defeat anyone or anything.  

You were walking to the store with Nathaniel, thinking about what you might want to make for dinner. Nathaniel was being unusually quiet and leaving you alone to your thoughts. You wondered if something was wrong, but then you spotted her.  

It was you. The other you. She was alone. No Logan or Laura or Wade in her vicinity.  

You couldn't help the way you froze on the sidewalk or the fury that rose up swiftly enough you felt nearly sick with it.  

She was to blame for everything. She had stolen your life away from you and now she got to be happy while you spent the rest of your life wanting someone you would never have again.  

"Is that her?" Nathaniel asked, rounding back to standing at your side. "The one who stole your life from you?" 

You nodded your head, attempting to keep a lid on your anger.  

"Why don't you make her regret it?" 

The idea was so simple, but so damn tempting. You could just imagine the look on her face when she realized she was incredibly outmatched now. You could destroy her within seconds and she would never be able to stop you. 

You knew it wasn't something you should entertain. You had lived your whole life as a hero. There was a line you would have never dared to cross before but after everything that had happened, you were starting to realize that line was blurred beyond recognition. As far as you were concerned, she had stolen your life from you, and it was only right that she realized what a mistake that had been.  

"You're better than her now. Stronger," Nathaniel continued, leaning in closer to you. "She can't do half of what you can. Show her what you've learned." 

"I don't know," you tried to deflect. You wanted your revenge, but there was still a tiny voice in your head saying it wasn’t right. It wasn’t what you were supposed to do. 

"Aren't you tired?" Nathaniel hissed, his hand coming up to clutch your shoulder in a near-painful grip. "Tired of being the doormat. The hero. The martyr. Don't let them get away with it. Don't let her walk away." 

You didn't even realize you had made up your mind until you were walking up to the other you. She was checking out a display of plants that had been left outside of the market for customers to choose, but she seemed to sense your approach, because she turned to consider you.  

You weren't sure what she saw when she looked at you, but her eyes went wide with fear, and she immediately pulled up a forcefield. You stalked forward, intent on your target. You didn't care if anyone was watching, because you felt like you were completely justified in your actions.  

You passed right through her forcefield and pushed her back. She fell to the ground, staring up at you in terror. You pulled your fist back, forming your own forcefield around it. You let spikes form along the outside facing towards her. All you had to do was bring it down onto her face. It would be a killing blow, and you would never have to think about her again. Logan would lose the love of his life, but maybe he would come back to you. Maybe you could return to him stronger, better, and without any more competition.  

For a moment, as you looked right into her face, it was like gazing into a mirror. The scar was gone, her hair was the same as yours, and you were wearing similar clothes. She looked just like you.  

You were convinced that she was you.  

And that made you pull back, horrified at what you had almost done.  

Her eyes were closed, ready for a blow that you weren't capable of dealing any longer.  

"I'm sorry," you whispered before stepping away, propelling yourself right out of her forcefield.  

"Y/N?" Nathaniel called, pulling your attention towards him. "What are you doing? She's right there. Kill her," he demanded, his lips pulling back in a sneer.  

You shook your head, feeling something indescribable but ultimately terrified swell within you. What had you become? What had Nathaniel done to you? You had let him so far into your head that you had almost done something unspeakable.  

You made yourself go invisible before you took off running. You didn't know where you were going or where you would even hide, but you knew that you needed to get away from Nathaniel. He had pushed you to do more, be more, and you had never once stopped to think about which road you were heading down and whether it would lead you right to the point of no return.  

You could hear Nathaniel yelling for you to stop and come back, but you didn't listen. You wanted to get away from him and just think. It felt like you had let him take up residence in your head and now you wanted to figure out how the hell to evict him.  

You ran until you felt like you were going to collapse. You finally stopped outside of a library. You rushed inside, catching a glimpse of the news anchor flipping through a book as you went right for the back corner.  Two bookshelves met there and you sank right to the floor in front of them. You dropped your head into your hands and forced yourself to take deep breaths.  

"Y/N," you heard someone call. It wasn't Nathaniel and it wasn't anyone else you immediately recognized. But it was familiar. They had been trying to get your attention all along.  

"What," you snapped, already feeling like you were on the verge of crumbling. Nathaniel had been right that you were broken, but who was going to put the pieces back together this time? It felt like Nathaniel had managed to piece them back together all wrong and you didn't even feel like yourself anymore.  

"Y/N," the voice called again.  

You closed your eyes and focused on the voice. You reached out for it, desperate for any sort of lifeline. It was a spark right at the back of your mind. You rushed to meet it, eager to figure out who had been trying to talk to you.  

"My name is Charles Xavier."  

You startled, nearly letting the tenuous connection between you and Charles drop, but finally throwing everything you had towards it.  

"This world is a lie," Charles continued once he realized you could hear him. "Do not let him break you. They're coming to find you." 

"Who?" You couldn't help but ask, hope and fear clashing inside you, threatening to overwhelm you.  

"A rather odd group of saviors," Charles answered, a hint of amusement clear in his words. "But stay strong and do what you can to break free of his hold. He has a way to keep me out, so once he finds you, I’m afraid I won’t be much help to you. Just hold on until they get there." 

You didn't know how you were going to get yourself out. You were starting to think it was hopeless, because you hadn’t even realized you were trapped in the first place. The more you thought about it, though, the more obvious it became that something had been wrong since the morning you woke up and Logan’s wife was sitting in your kitchen. The fact that she had come back from the dead, Logan’s quick dismissal of you, Laura and Wade both turning their backs on you. Nathaniel’s convenient timing and the way he watched you as if you were nothing more than an experiment for him. A pet mutant he could poke and prod and play with while you were none the wiser.   

“Who’s coming to find me?” You didn’t dare to assume that you were worth the rescue, but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to know. You had to hold onto the one little spark of hope you could feel burning defiantly inside you.  

For one terrifying moment, your mind was still, and you felt crushingly alone. Just when you thought you had been abandoned, Charles left you with one final word.  

"Logan." 

Author's Note: There will be a fourth chapter! Did I have you going for a while there? I felt so evil writing this. I truly did. If you liked this, please let me know. Not to sound needy, but comments/reblogs/etc. literally fuel me to write more and inspire me so much to keep coming up with fun stuff. Thank you to everyone who has shown this series any support! Also, if you would like to be added/removed from the taglist, just let me know!

Taglist: @wonderfrost @mrsyixingunicorn10 @blackbleedingrose @arrozyfrijoles23 @elianamarie-blog

@sarahskywalker-amidala @whiskytoast @shizzybarnaclee @zbeez-outlet @halepack2011

@facelessfionna @i-left-my-cat-on-the-stove @whyam1heree @serendippindots @janilovecookies

@lollipopsandstuff @4ria790 @jtthompson @id-rather-be-in-middle-earth @the-gentle-spirit

@hazel2928 @gothicknightz @mkay33 @bibblesdiscordkitten @albionfay

@songwizard @kailera @zeeader @amandarobertsboyce @shilohh28

@astudyoftimeywimeystuff

[hyunniesgirl]

Bad intentions | Part 1

Pairing: nerd!Han Jisung x popular!reader(afab)

Summary: you thought you could turn Han Jisung into the perfect boyfriend material so you can get revenge on your cheating ex. Little did you know that you would end up getting much more than just a guy to show off.

Genre: fluff, angst, smut(for the story in general, this part has no smut)

Words count: 8,056

Slightly inspired in the movie She's All That

*This is the second fic to my series Love is a mess. The stories can be read as standalones but they are all connected so some details mentioned may sound off.

Disclaimer: Jisung is proud asf, OC has kind of a sad backstory and has anxiety(not explored very deeply but there are descriptions of her symptoms), this part is just suggestive so no smut

Part 2

This story is NSFW and is going to have +18 themes so MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

A/N: okay for the sake of the plot let's pretend for a moment that Han Jisung can be considered anything other than smocking hot, alright?

A/N²: My idea was for all the stories from this series to be oneshots but I just kept writing and writing and this one was almost 13k already and I haven't even gotten to the good part so I thought "I almost never read anything over 10k" so I split the oneshot for the sake of my readers attention span.

Jisung likes to think that he's better than all the guys fawning over you, he likes to think that even if he had a chance, he'd never lust over you. But well, sometimes a strong denial turns out to be an implicit affirmation.

It all started in social studies, he was trying to go over his notes for the test but the conversations happening at the same time didn't let him pay any attention to what was written in the sheets. There were five different conversations happening at the same time, but they all had the same subject: you.

Apparently, you had a boyfriend who cheated on you with a girl from a rival university? Or some trivial shit like that. Jisung doesn't understand why that matters to anyone but you and the said boyfriend. He doesn't understand why everyone feels like such a painful experience is any of their business. But he guesses it comes with the job.

Everyone knows you, you're the classic cheer captain, who dates — or dated — the infamous quarterback in the football team. People envy you, cherish you, they want to be you and he always thought they loved you, but after hearing so many snarky comments about you in the last 20 minutes, he's actually starting to pity you.

You wanted to kill him, Seunghoon, that bastard. He destroyed a relationship of a year just to get in someone's pants? Fucking idiot. You hate him so much for cheating on you, but you hate him the most for not showing up kneeling at your door and asking for forgiveness. Who does he think he is? He would never have gotten his position on the football team if it wasn't for you, everyone knows that.

It's an understatement to say you are always the best in everything you put your mind into and if you're not the best by nature, you work hard until you become the best. You are smart, pretty, popularity is your thing, you're used to getting everyone's attention wherever you go. Everyone loves you, or at least they pretend well enough.

So when you started dating this guy, who was a nobody it was pretty shocking for everyone else. You turned him into the most popular guy so he could stay by your side, so you expected a little bit of loyalty from him. Guess that was expecting too much from a horny dog like him.

You did love Seunghoon, you wouldn't have dated him for a year if you didn't. But his character was always questionable, that, you won't deny. There's that saying that love makes you blind but you knew that he's no good and yet stayed with him, that's on you.

You can't stand the pity looks people give you when you walk down the hallway, they could at least pretend they are not talking shit about you behind your back.

To think the semester has only just started, you wish you could take a year off to make sure things die down nicely. But if you do, you'll definitely lose your position as cheer captain, there are too many people willing to get rid of you so they can get your title.

It's best for you to try and get rid of these thoughts, so you hold your head high turning on a corner, decided to pretend everything is okay. That's when you bump into someone, dropping the books you have in your hands and your phone screen down on the floor, gasping immediately, the last thing you need right now is a broken phone.

When you lean over to collect your things, the person who bumped into you does the same, going for the phone at the same time and touching hands with you. A strange wave of electricity makes your whole body shiver by that touch, making you snap your head in the direction of the person.

You know him. He's one of the members of 3racha, a music group everyone loves. Curiously, this is the first time you have seen him outside of a presentation. He's clearly different from the other members, wearing baggy clothes and displaying a hair that's undeniable too long with some questionable choice of colors on it. You can't even really see his eyes, however, he has something about him that makes you refuse to take your eyes off him.

He grabs your book and phone, ignoring your shameless stare. Standing up and handing your things to you.

“Sorry, I can pay for your phone's repair”, he says and for the first time in a minute you can divert your eyes from him, looking at the screen, absolutely shattered and sighing.

“No, it's okay. I was the one who was distracted”, you smile, tucking your hair behind your ear. Why do you feel the sudden urge to flirt with him? He's not even your type. Or at least, that's what you think.

He hums, not really interested, taking a paper out of his bag and writing something on it.

“Here, this is my number if you change your mind”, he gives you the paper, saying goodbye and disappearing somewhere in the hallway.

When you finally meet Seunghoon, he doesn't even apologize, actually, he doesn't look regretful at all. He has a smug smile, as if what he did is not serious, as if he's better than you now.

You always had a thought in the corner of your mind that maybe he had some kind of inferiority complex when it came to you, but you didn't think he would go as far as to cheat on you just to prove he is better in some way.

“You don't harbor hard feelings, right?” He smirks, chin up. “I know you're much better than me, I'm sure you won't mind what happened and we can still be friends”, he's mocking you, you recognize that tone.

You're grasping the fabric of your skirt under the table, did he really pull you away from your practice to say this? The audacity of this man.

“Of course I don't mind”, you smile kindly, acting as unbothered as you possibly can. This is something you learned in so many years of having eyes on you all the time: pretend. You won't give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry or even get mad. If you are able to pretend you don't care at all about him, that's what you're gonna do.

“I'm glad-”, his smile falters a bit, you are sure he expected you to break. That shows how little he knows about you, you would never make a scene in public.

“Actually, I'm even seeing someone else already”, you blurt out, trying to make him more baffled and it works, he frowns and the look of confusion in his face is priceless.

“Well, that's great for you”, Seunghoon clears his throat, trying to regain his composure. “We should definitely go on a double date sometime”

“Of course, I'd love that”, you nod, standing up. “I'll be going now, but it was great seeing you”, you lie, turning around and walking back to the gymnasium.

When it sinks in what you just did, you want to hit your head against the wall. What the hell was that? Why would you even tell him you're seeing someone when you're not? For fucksake, you're sure he's too proud to let this go, he'll try to find out who it is that you're seeing and when he finds out you lied, you'll be done for, faced with utter humiliation again.

“Why would you tell him you're seeing someone?” Mina asks, looking at you like you are the dumbest person alive, and honestly, you do feel like that at the moment.

“I don't know”, you cry out, “I guess I wanted him to feel miserable”

“And look where that got you”, Miyeon says, worriedly.

“I know, I'm an idiot”, you tell them and your friends nod, making you glare at them. “Well, I guess I'll just have to find a new boyfriend”, you say, dreadfully.

“You know it's not that easy”, Mina says, “you built Seunghoon from the scratch to the guy he is today, it won't have the same effect if you get just anybody that people already see everyday, it has to be shocking”

“Well, I don't know”, you sigh, “is there even someone like that here?”

“I don't know”, Miyeon says, “you need someone charming, someone who people can't take their eyes off”

“It won't be good if he's already known, it should be someone who's usually invisible”, Mina completes.

You sigh, there's only one person you can think of who instantly fits that description.

“What about him?” Miyeon takes you out of your thoughts, pointing to someone behind you. “Isn't he part of 3racha?”

“I mean, he fits what we are looking for”, Mina says.

You turn around, finding the guy you bumped on a few days ago sitting at the table behind you, you're sure you can remember his name if you just try a little harder. He's sitting with Changbin, the other guy from 3racha who is kind of your friend.

“But is there something for you to do there?” Mina looks at him with squinted eyes, trying to see how you could improve him.

“He's cute”, you check him out shamelessly, nodding to yourself.

“I'm not sure if you could make Seunghoon jealous with cuteness”, she shrugs.

“He's not just cute”, you bit your bottom lip, thinking hard. “He could use a different haircut and maybe a new wardrobe but I see a lot of potential in there”

“Well”, Mina sighs in defeat, “let's make a bet them”

“Are you in middle school?” You ask her, rolling your eyes.

“If you can make Seunghoon regret cheating on you, I'll give up on trying for cheer captain next semester”, she ignores your question, stretching her hand for you to shake it.

“As if you were going to win anyway”, you joke.

Of course she could win, Mina is your best friend and also the best dancer you know, she could easily steal your position if you didn't try so hard to keep it, so you do what you have to do, shaking her hand even though you don't have a good feeling about it.

It's been a few days since you decided to make Jisung your new boyfriend, you just haven't figured out how to approach him. For starters, you can't even find him in this damn university, how the hell can a member from a trio as popular as 3racha just walk around without being noticed? That's a mystery you'll have to solve later.

“Jisung? Why would you want me to set you up with him?” Changbin asks, confused.

“Well, I find him cute”, you shrug, that's not a lie.

“He's not your type, he's totally different from Seunghoon”, he stares at you with a brow raised, sipping from his drink.

“Why would I want someone like Seunghoon? My reputation is almost ruined because of that guy”, you say.

“You got a point”, Changbin sighs, “let me talk to him first”, he can feel something is up but with all the mess happening in his life already, he doesn't have the energy to dig any deeper.

Jisung stares at his friend for about five minutes, no words being said. Why would someone like you want to go out with someone like him?

He's pretty popular because of 3racha, but not near as popular as you or your friend group. Everyone knows he's an awkward guy, when he's on stage his personality changes, he's confident, it feels great, like he could conquer the world, but when he goes back to real life, he just doesn't feel the need to be perceived. Jisung doesn't have a reason to be popular outside of the stage, he's fine with being invisible.

“So, what do you think?” Changbin asks.

“I don't know”, Jisung shrugs.

“Think carefully, it's not everyday that someone like y/n wants to go on a date with an ordinary guy”, the older one insists.

Well, maybe he likes being ordinary. He always thought he wouldn't be like those guys who would do anything for a pretty girl, now it's his chance to prove it.

“You can tell her that I appreciate the thought, but I don't think it's a good idea”, Jisung says, confidently. Even though he wants to punch himself after saying it.

Changbin sighs.

“If you're sure about it”, he shrugs, standing up and walking to the kitchen.

What if he's just letting his prejudice get in the way of meeting someone nice? He sighs to himself, there's nothing he can do about it now.

Well, that's unexpected. Did you go so low as to be rejected by just anybody? How could Jisung not even accept a single date with you? Are you ugly? No, you're sure it's not that. Are you boring? It's not that either, of course. You don't think there's a single thing that would make him turn you down. Maybe you're not his type? No, you're everyone's type.

You won't give up, though. Han Jisung has too much potential for you to just leave him be, you're sure you can make him be even better than Seunghoon ever was. So you march to social studies, you asked Changbin who reluctantly told you that Jisung takes that class.

You enter the classroom earning a few glances, smiling kindly at the people you know and introducing yourself to the ones you don't.

Jisung is seated in the corner, writing something on his notebook, earbuds on. You walk up to him, sitting by his side and waiting for him to notice you, which doesn't take long. He feels a presence too close to him, making him turn to look at you.

He frowns, taking his earbuds slowly, trying to process your present so close to him.

“How can I help you?” He asks and you tilt your head, he's even cuter up close.

“I heard you turned me down”, you say, leaning over the desk to watch him.

“Yeah, sorry”, he shrugs nonchalantly, hurting your pride even more. He should feel at least a bit apologetic, shouldn’t he?

“What do I have to do for you to go out with me?” You push more. You even came here looking for him, you're not going to be discouraged just by a bit of indifference.

“Why do you want to go out with me anyway?” He frowns, it’s not that he doesn’t want to say yes, it’s just that every time that he feels tempted to actually lust over you his pride gets a little more hurt, did you think there was no chance of you being rejected by him?

“Well, I like you. You're cute”, you tell him as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

“You don't even know me”, he scoffs, ignoring the fact that you called him cute.

“That's exactly why I want to go out with you, dummy. So I can get to know you better”, you smile, knowing he won't be able to get out of this situation without telling you why he won't go out with you.

“Well, you’re not my type”, he clears his throat, adjusting himself on his seat and trying to sound convincing, you’re clearly everyone’s type. “And I don’t think we would have much to talk about”

You’re going to fight him on this, argue that you’re a very interesting person that can talk about a lot of things, but the professor enters the classroom, eyeing you and tilting his head in confusion, since you passed this class last semester.

“I’m going to let it go for now”, you stand, “but don’t think you’re getting rid of me”, you huff, walking out of the class. He sure is stubborn, but you’re more.

Jisung feels like he's in those movies with a stalker following him around. You know, when the protagonist is sure that someone is watching them but every time they look around there's no one there? Except that in his case, you're always there. Every place he goes has you in it, glaring at him.

You're not actually glaring at him, even though he thinks you're. You're just shocked that he still hasn't come around to accepting going out with you, so you have to stare at him because you have to understand him. Why is he so different from the other guys? Of course you don't think you're better than anyone, but since news of your break up with Seunghoon broke out, your phone has been blowing up with texts from guys you didn't even know had your number, saying weird things and asking you out. So why is the only person you want to hear from, not giving a shit about you?

You ask Changbin's help but he refuses to meddle anymore than he already has, saying that he knows your intentions are not entirely good so he won't help anymore.

“Did you know we have a class with your new crush?” Mina says while looking at herself in the mirror of the clothes store you're visiting.

“What?” You take your eyes out of your phone to look at her, you have been staring at your screen for thirty minutes, trying to fight the urge to just call Jisung. He gave you his number so you could charge him with the repair of your broken phone but you already had it fixed, maybe you could use that little incident to your advantage.

“We have French with him, you chose Spanish, right?” Miyeon asks, looking around to see if she likes anything.

“Are you for real?” You ask and she looks at you, nodding. “Do you think there are still open spots in your class?” You ask, lost in thoughts.

“You're not going to switch classes just so you can get close to him, right?” Mina turns around to look at you, a brow raised in questioning. “Right?” She presses after you don't answer.

“I kinda prefer French though”, you smirk, standing up. “The school's office is still open now, isn't it?” You ask and both of your friends exchange looks, sighing and shaking their heads, sure that you're a lost cause.

It was not difficult to switch classes, you used up all your charm with the office’s secretary so she wouldn't argue too much about it. You just need a warm smile, some tiramisu and to compliment her nails.

You enter the class smiling victoriously, seeing your friends seated side by side and finding Jisung sitting alone in the back. You waltz over there, putting your things on the desk and sitting by his side.

Jisung takes a deep breath, side eyeing you for a moment.

“Are you serious right now?” He sighs, “you know you can't just keep coming to my classes, right? That's lowkey stalking”, he argues, making you chuckle.

“I don't know what you're talking about”, you shrug, “I'm enrolled in this class”, you tell him, pulling a paper with your schedule printed on it and showing it to him. “This is the only spot available”

He looks around to check, biting his bottom lip, embarrassed. He should have checked before assuming things but that doesn't change the fact that you have been around him too much lately.

“Okay”, he sighs, fidgeting on his seat.

“If I'm really making you uncomfortable I can find somewhere else to sit”, you say, even though you want to make him give in and accept to go out with you, you don't want him to feel genuinely bothered by you.

Jisung on the other hand feel likes he can give in at any moment, the second time he saw you looking at him he wanted to stand up and just go to you, telling you he would accept to go out with you, fuck his pride.

“It's okay”, he clears his throat, “You can sit whatever you want”, he says, making you smirk.

“I mean, are you sure?” You lean in his direction, glancing at his lap.

Jisung chokes immediately, coughing so much he thinks he's going to die, you didn't mean what he thinks you do, right?

Class starts before you can mess with him a little bit more, you didn't think you would have so much fun teasing someone.

Jisung stands up and leaves as soon as the professor says the class ended, he doesn't want to stay close to you for a minute more. He couldn't pay attention to class because your scent kept coming his way. He would glance at you and you wouldn't even be acknowledging him, paying 100% of attention in class. It did make him upset that he didn't seem to cause the same reaction in you as you do to him.

Except that, as stated before, you're very good at pretending. You really wanted to tease him every time you caught him staring at you, you could see everything he was doing with your peripheral vision and you wanted to giggle with every time he pouted while looking at you.

That's proof enough for you that not being his type it's not the reason why he's reluctant to go out with you but you didn't even think about the possibility of him not liking girls at all.

“As far as I know, he does like girls”, Changbin tells you. “I'm not sure about guys though, maybe he does too?”

“Well, that's good then”, you sigh, crossing your arms and nodding to yourself, lost in thoughts.

Changbin stares at you for a moment, with a brow raised. “Binnie, can't you help me out? Just this once” You plead again, giving him puppy eyes.

“Nope, I'm not sure what your intentions are but what I know is that you don't do things without a reason”, he shakes his head.

You sigh, poking the inside of your cheek with your tongue, you know how to convince Changbin but it's the first time in your life that you have to resort to such dirty methods.

“You know, I met someone really nice one of these days”, you tell him, smiling friendly. “She's really cute and she has been helping me in a class we have together”, Changbin glares at you. “I think you know her, but she doesn't seem to like you at all…” You pout, making a show.

“What are you trying to say?” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I'm trying to say that if you help me out, I can do the same”, you shrug, “you have so many virtues, Binnie, I'm confident I can make her see you in a different light”

You can at least try to convince her that Changbin is a good guy even though she's absolutely sure that he's bad news.

“Are you saying I should sell out my best friend so you can help me?” You see Changbin hesitate and that's when you push a little more.

“Come on, it's not like I'll do something awful to him”, you say, “I just want one date”

He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, alright”, he grunts. “I'll help you out just this one time and that's it”

“You're the best!” You say, clapping your hands excitedly.

This is definitely not how you thought the help would happen. The sun is burning your skin and the giggles of people around you are making you stressed. A pool party, why did he think this was going to be a good idea?

Just because you're at the same party as Jisung it doesn't mean you'll get a chance to talk to him or even accomplish your goal but even though the odds are against you, you are still going to try.

The day is too hot, the pool is bustling with people and you're uncomfortable in your bikini. In most days you love your body, you think you're pretty just the way you are but sometimes you have bad days, where you feel like everyone is staring at every single flaw you have.

You came to the party because you couldn't lose the opportunity but you can't see Jisung anywhere and your anxiety is only growing bigger. So as soon as you get the chance to escape, you do it. You wander around the frat house, looking for a place with no one, maybe Changbin's room is empty since he pretty much doesn't live in the house.

You walk up the stairs, swerving in the middle of the crowd who are talking and laughing with drinks in their hands, it's very overwhelming.

The corridor where the rooms are have less people, so you walk until the end to find Changbin's nameplate on the door. You knock twice to make sure there's no one there, the music in the pool is pretty loud so you can't hear if there are voices in the room but you wait a few seconds so people can get dressed if there is someone fucking there. You open the door slowly, finding the room empty. Hurrying inside and closing the door so no one sees you going in.

It's a pretty huge room with things that suit Changbin's personality to a T. There's gym equipment all over the place, a big bed in the middle, a door you can only guess leads to a private bathroom and a TV that you're not sure was ever used. But again, your friend only comes by the house once in a while since he lives in an apartment downtown with Chan and Jisung.

Changbin managed to convince Jisung that it would be a good way to promote 3racha if they threw a party and it didn't take much convincing to the frat president since that guy loves partying.

You sit by the bed, trying to take deep breaths. The burning sensation in your chest is easing a bit with the calm and silence of the room. Silence that is immediately interrupted by the door of the bathroom being opened, just to show a half naked Han Jisung coming out of there with just a towel wrapped around his waist.

You two stare at each other for a minute, both not sure what to do next, both frozen. You manage to stand up, turning your back to him, face burning with embarrassment.

“I'm sorry, I didn't know there was someone already here”, you clarify. “I- I knocked on the door”, you inform him as if that could change anything.

Jisung finds your reaction funny, he didn't take you for the shy type, who gets flustered by seeing a man like this.

“I was showering, I didn't hear the knock”, he says, walking to Changbin's wardrobe to get some clothes he leaves there for eventual emergencies since the frat house is closer than his house to the university.

“Yeah, I guessed that”, you gulp, trying to calm your beating heart. You didn't get to take a good look at him, but the little you did made you quite surprised. Jisung is pretty athletic and hot.

“You can turn around now”, he says. You do it slowly, still embarrassed.

“I'm sorry again”, you sigh.

“It's okay, it can happen”, he shrugs, sitting on the bed. He can't help but look at you too for a moment, you're wearing a deep green bikini that goes perfectly with the tone of your skin. You have a thin transparent shirt that doesn't leave much to the imagination making him bite his bottom lip. If you try to make a move on him again right now, he won't be able to say no.

However, his not very pure thoughts are interrupted by your uneasiness, shifting your weight from a leg to another, hands trying to cover your thighs. Did he look at you for too long? Did he make you uncomfortable? Jisung diverts his gaze from you immediately, he's always proud to say that he's not the same as the other guys who are just horny and nothing more, but look at him now.

“I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable”, he stands up, ready to leave the room, “I'm sorry”

“No, you didn't make me uncomfortable”, you say, taking a step closer to him to stop him from leaving. “I was already feeling not great”, you clarify.

“Did something happen?” He asks, worried.

“No- I-”, you stop yourself from talking more, why do you actually want to talk to him about your problems? You don't even know him. “I'm having a bad day, my self esteem is kinda low so I feel like everyone is staring at every single flaw I have”

Jisung stops for a moment, malfunctioning. His head tilting to the side as he stares at you with furrowed brows.

“Exactly which “flaws” are we talking about?” He asks, making quotes with his fingers.

“I don't know”, you glance down to your feet, feeling embarrassed. “There are so many girls here who are much prettier than me”, you sigh, “oh, I'm not jealous of them, they are great. I'm a huge activist of women hyping up other women”, you add quickly. “Usually I won't let myself compare to other people, but when I'm having one of these days I just can't help to think things like: is my hair pretty enough? Should I go on a diet? Maybe I should hit the gym more often so I can look like that”, you sigh, you sound ridiculous. You are supposed to make him want to go out with you, not scare him with all your insecurities.

Jisung stares at you for a few seconds, realization hitting him. So you're human too, he already knew that, but seeing the pretty and popular y/n come out of the pedestal people built for her, makes him believe that maybe you're very different from what he thought about you.

“I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this”, Jisung clears his throat, trying to not sound like an idiot, “but I think you're pretty and even though you may have some flaws, everyone has. I can assure you yours are not in your looks”

You feel your cheeks growing hotter, that's surprising, a guy never managed to make you blush.

“But you said I'm not your type”, you pout, seizing the opportunity to tease him.

“Well, I had to say something so you would stop coming after me”, he sighs, “clearly it didn't work”

“So, will you go out with me?” You ask, hopeful and he sighs.

“Why do you want to go out with me so badly?”

“I already told you, you're cute. Also, you make me feel at ease”, it's not a lie. Jisung is the first person other than your friends that effortlessly makes you comfortable.

“Fine”, he huffs, “I already gave you my number so just text me”, he tells you and you smile, is this finally happening? Did he finally say yes?

You planned a whole date in an amusement park, it's cliche for a first date, although you never really went on a date there. You have never done this before for any guy you dated, but there's something about Han Jisung, you just want him to like you.

He's waiting for you in front of the park, looking nervous while scrolling through his phone. You bend down a bit, tilting your head to make him notice you.

“Hey”, you smile waiting for his greeting that doesn't come. Jisung is not easily impressionable but you just leave him speechless every time, he always takes a few seconds to take in your beauty before his brain starts functioning again.

That's the reaction you wanted from him and you are glad you managed to get it. You spent almost four hours getting ready, changed outfits at least ten times and did and redid your makeup over and over. In the end, you chose a natural look. You put on a tight high waisted skirt, a tank top and sneakers since you would be walking a lot. Your hair is down and your make-up is light, so it won't get smudged by hot weather.

“H-hi”, Jisung says, trying to recompose himself, he's not sure if he should comment on how pretty you look or if that would make you uncomfortable.

He can't help but think that it's wrong of him to be there with someone like you, someone totally out of his reach.

“What should we do first?” You ask excitedly, it's been years since the last time you went to an amusement park with your family.

“I think we can walk for a bit and see what catches our attention”, he says and you nod, walking into the park.

There are so many people, Jisung can't help but notice how you're looking around like a child getting to know a new place.

“Do you come often to these kinds of places?” He asks.

“Hm, not really”, you answer, turning around to look at him. “The last time was when I was a child probably”

“Oh?” He frowns. “You seemed excited, I thought your ex boyfriend must have brought you here at least a few times”

“Yeah, well, he was not really the romantic type”, you shrug, a sad smile on your lips.

Jisung doesn't like that, you always look confident and happy, he doesn't want to see you sad again.

“He is an idiot then”, he avoids your gaze, looking around while speaking, “If I had a girlfriend like you, I would move heavens and earth to make her happy”

You feel your heart skip a bit, your cheeks growing warmer and in a few seconds your whole face is burning. You can't believe Han Jisung is making you blush again, saying these words that are messing with your heartbeat.

“Should we go to the haunted house?” You ask awkwardly, trying to change the subject, pointing to the building at the end of the park. You try not looking at him, not sure if your cheeks are still red.

He hums, not really understanding why you look so flustered, he's sure you must hear this kind of thing all the time.

You two enter the house, looking around while walking into the dark. You were very confident in the beginning, you love horror movies, but jump scares are really not your cup of tea and that's the problem. The moment a doll(you assume) holding a knife with a ghost face mask pops out of nowhere you jump… into Jisung's arms. The way his arms immediately wrap around you in a protective position does something to your heart and honestly you feel hot all over.

You didn't even notice the little scares he got, or how he squeezed you every time some scary character showed up. The only thing you noticed was his unexpected strong arms embracing you the whole time until you left the haunted house.

Jisung didn't want to let you go. The moment he felt the cold breeze touching his skin, he knew he had to step back, you are not scared anymore. But he just doesn't want to. You look fragile, shy, endearing. Jisung shakes his head, he shouldn't be thinking this, he thought he would be immune to your charms, but it turns out that he understands now why all those guys fawned over you.

He tries taking a step back, threatening to get away from you but you snuggle closer to him, a hand swinging fast to your shoulder so you could grip his hand in place.

“Can- can you keep holding me for a bit?” You ask awkwardly, not really wanting to look him in the eye.

You had no idea you missed being touched this much, you never noticed how cold Seunghoon’s touch was until you felt Jisung's warm hands on you. You're embarrassed for looking so fragile in front of him but not enough for you to let go, not at that moment.

“Yeah, sure”, he tells you, coming closer again and squeezing you against his chest. “Should we walk around for a bit?”

You nod, too lost in his scent to say anything.

Jisung felt strange for a moment. He's not used to letting his instincts take control, he's a very restrained guy. But he can't help but peek at your thighs when the skirt you're wearing rides up a bit, you're tiptoeing while trying to shoot the target with the water gun you have in your hands, like that would help you win.

“Do you really want that plushie?” He asks when you lose once more. “You could probably buy a better one with the money you're spending”, he points out and you pout.

“Where's the fun in that?” You cross your arms in front of your chest. “It's so much more exciting to win the prize”

Jisung finds you cute, you are just so different from all the rumors and how he thought you would be. Other than being someone who's high and mighty or arrogant, you're cute and funny.

Defeated, he sighs, paying for another round. This time he's the one trying.

It's difficult the first time. He never played this game so he has to get used to and understand how to win.

Jisung doesn't notice but you're not looking at the booth or to the target, you're looking at his face. He looks more handsome when he's focused, he has his lips pressed in a thin line and his grip on the water gun makes you shudder just thinking about how that grip would feel on you.

After a few tries, Jisung wins, asking you to choose what plushie you want.

“That one”, you point to the big quokka hanging in the wall. “It looks a bit like you”, you say when you get the plushie, lifting enough so you can compare it with Jisung.

“I'm cuter”, he pouts.

“Definitely”, you assure him, hugging your new plushie while Jisung’s ears grow hotter.

“Should we go to the ferris wheel?” He asks, looking at the time. It'll probably be your last ride since it's already late.

“Yes!” You jump excitedly, “I never had the chance before”, you say while you two walk in the direction of the big attraction.

“Not even when you were a child?” He asks, remembering you said that was the last time you went to an amusement park.

“My parents are not very fun to be around and my little brother was too young”, you say, shaking your head, “I was never very proficient in doing things by myself so I just didn't go”, you shrug.

Jisung feels that there's more to unpack into that topic, but he's not sure if you want to talk about it with him or right now. So he just slides his arm over your shoulder, surprising you by his bold move. You can feel your cheeks growing hot, are you blushing again?

When you hear the gears turning, excitement spreads all over your body but as soon as the cabin stops in the air, you're not so confident anymore.

“It's quite high, isn't it?” you say, looking down, feeling a little dizzy.

“Are you afraid of heights?” Jisung asks, panicked, seeing your face turning pale.

“No, of course not”, you shake your head frantically while shrinking in your seat, “I can't, I'm always at the top of the pyramid in our cheer stunts”, you tell him.

A sudden wave of air brushes over the cabin, making it shake slightly and you turn even more pale if that's even possible.

“You know it's different right?” He grabs you by the arm, pulling you closer to him. Jisung slides one of his hands on your waist, squeezing you close to him and with the other hand he cups your face, making you look at him. “Keep looking at me, you don't have to look down”

Jisung doesn't know why he feels this urge to protect you, of all the people he knows, you're probably the one he thinks needs the least protection. You keep staring at him, he is pretty, his lips are plump and inviting.

“Are you going to kiss me?” You ask when he licks his lips, huge doe eyes staring at him and waiting.

“Do you want me to?” He asks back, not really sure of what to do. Jisung is not certain, his heart is beating fast and his hands are sweating, you look so beautiful, so close to him.

So when you nod, he just loses control of every part of himself that was holding him back. He's sure after this, there's no going back, he's lost forever, but maybe he doesn't mind if it means it's you he's lost in.

His lips are soft, clumsily pressing against yours. You can tell he's unsure of how to proceed then why does his grip on you make you burn? He's squeezing your waist against his body like you're going to disappear if he doesn't hold you strongly and the hand he has cupping your cheeks, slowly slides to your hair, pulling it lightly, making you whimper.

In an instant his lips are not on yours anymore, he's trailing kisses down to your neck. You shiver, feeling his warm lips against your cold skin.

“Ah, Ji-Jisung”, you gasp when he bites your neck, sucking the area so deliciously it makes you bite your lips so you won't moan.

He hears your plea, kissing you once again and you notice you are the one that didn't know how to proceed. You've been squirming in his hands this whole time without touching him at all. You take a hand to his face, caressing his cheek and the other goes to his hip, pulling you even closer to him but before you can go further, the shake of the cabin going back down takes you out of your haze. You're in public, you had absolutely forgotten about that.

You stop the kiss, giving a peck on his lips before moving away. He looks disheveled, lips swollen and eyes searching for yours in an attempt to know exactly what you are thinking. Did you like it? Did you hate it? Now that he got a taste of something he should have remained oblivious to, he's not sure he'll be able to let go.

The ride home was awkward, to say the least. You are silent the whole time and Jisung is freaking out. He can't help but think he screwed up really badly. How the hell could he make you lose all interest with just a couple of kisses? Did he go too far by giving you a hickey? Maybe you don't like this kind of thing, you're a cheerleader after all, your image is important.

You on the other hand, have too many thoughts running through your mind, never did a man make you feel so desired with just a kiss. The way he embraced you so possessively was too much for you, Seunghoon never did anything like that. You were always the one searching for his touch, for some affection but it was never quite enough. His touches never really gave you what you wanted, you always thought it was weird, you thought maybe there was something wrong with you.

But how could Jisung make you feel so many things with a simple touch? A simple kiss? You're so lost in thoughts that you don't even notice when the car stops.

“We’re here”, Jisung says, not really looking at you.

You look at him, seeing him biting his bottom lip while squeezing the wheel.

“I had fun”, you tell him, shyly. His head snaps at you, a deep scowl on his face.

“You did?” He asks confused and you giggle, tilting your head.

“Yeah”, you bite your bottom lip, leaning over him without breaking eye contact. “I thought I made it clear by almost melting in your arms while you kissed me”, you tease, seeing his ears growing red.

“I thought maybe I did something wrong, you were quiet”, he looks at you waiting for some more reassurance.

“I'm sorry”, you cup his face, caressing his cheek, “it's been a long time since I felt the way you made me feel, I needed time to recover”, you tell him, pulling him in for a brief kiss.

“Wait, but what about-”

“That's what I'm telling you”, you chuckle, bitterly, “can you imagine feeling more in a night than you ever felt in a year with someone else? It really makes a girl think”

“Ah”, he nods, understanding what you're saying now. “Then, can I call you when I get home?” He asks eagerly, now that he knows that you did enjoy your time with him.

“I'd be mad if you didn't”, you give a peck on his lips, getting out of the car and walking to your front door, waving goodbye to him.

Walking into your empty house you come back to reality. For a moment, just a moment, while having fun with Jisung, you forgot how lonely you really are. It's always been like this, you're already used to it.

Your parents always wanted a boy, so it was disappointing for them when they had a girl. They tried for years to have a boy, getting more and more frustrated as time went by. You were five when they finally made it, their desired son was born and you were left aside.

It's not like they gave you any attention before, but after your brother was born, you were completely forgotten. The first time you went to an amusement park was when you were eight. It was your birthday and you begged them to take you there but in the end you couldn't really enjoy anything. Your brother was too little to play in anything and your parents didn't really want to play with you.

You feel a single tear run down your cheek but you shake your head, you shouldn't be doing that right now. You had fun with Jisung but that's that, you don't want another heartbreak the same as with Seunghoon.

You feel your phone buzzing, taking it out of your pocket to see Jisung's name lightening the screen and an involuntary smile grows on your lips, completely ignoring what you just thought.

“Hey, did you arrive safely?” You ask, walking up the stairs.

“Yeah”, he says, not sure why exactly he wanted to call you. He already said goodnight to you, did he want to hear your voice again? Why is he being so weird tonight?

“Okay, that's good”, you chuckle, putting the phone on speaker to start undressing.

Jisung sits in his bed, he knows you're probably tired but he doesn't want to hang up.

“What are you doing?” He asks, hearing the shuffle on the other side of the line.

“I'm changing”, you answer nonchalantly, not knowing how red his whole face turns the moment you finish saying that.

He doesn't say anything, making you look to the phone to check if he's still there.

“Want some pictures?” You ask playfully, making him choke on his own breath, coughing violently.

“No, I mean we- we just had our first date- I- I don't want you to think- it's too soon”, he rambles saying all that in half a second, making you laugh genuinely while you wander around your room.

You snap a picture of yourself, sending it to him and he freezes when he sees the notification. When he opens the text though, you're wearing a cute pajama with bees stamped on it, making him laugh too.

“You're cute”, he says and you stop in your tracks.

“It's been years since someone last called me cute”, you pout, sliding under your covers.

Jisung guessed that much, your type of beauty is not on the cute side. You have sharp features, most people could say you're on the sexy side and he would too, before tonight. Now, under the cover of a popular hot girl, he found a girl who's hot and popular but can be cute and funny too.

“Goodnight, y/n”, he says, throwing himself back in the bed.

“Goodnight”, you say, feeling your eyes heavy after hearing his goodbye.

Part 2

A/N: If you like what I write please reblog or let me know in the comments, feedback gives me motivation to keep writing.

[cartoonistcoop]

ShortBox Comics Member Interview: Sloane Hong

Throughout the month of October, the Cartoonist Cooperative will be sharing interviews with members of the Co-op who have a new comic available at the ShortBox Comics Fair 2024! 

NOTE: The Cartoonist Cooperative is not affiliated, associated, authorized, endorsed by, or in any way formally connected with ShortBox.  

Today’s spotlight is Sloane Hong ( @plaest2k ) and their new comic for ShortBox, Expiry Date.

We’d love it if you could introduce yourself and tell us about your background in comics.

Sloane Hong: Kia ora, my name is Sloane Hong (she/her), I’m a Korean-tauiwi illustrator, comic artist and tattooer based in Aotearoa, New Zealand. I only started making comics professionally about five years ago but they’ve always been a significant part of my life for as long as I can remember.

Tell us more about your new comic?

SH: Expiry Date is an erotic, body horror, sci-fi short story about coming home from a long day at your shitty, minimum-wage job, crashing on your couch and fantasizing about how fucking good it would feel to just die.

I mean, it’s also about transness, labour rights, our relationship with our bodies and death under capitalism, etc but it’s mostly about shitty jobs.

My friend described it as “what if David Cronenberg was a transsexual dyke who grew up reading ero-guro”.

What are some early experiences as a cartoonist that shaped you or your process?

SH: My brother’s also an artist, probably better than I could ever be, and I basically owe any good taste I might have to him. Growing up, I always got home from school first so I’d sneak into his room to admire his drawings and read his comics. He had most of the usual stuff you’d find on any Korean kid’s shelf in the 90’s: Akira Toriyama, Masamune Shirow, Yoshito Usui, etc, and a couple of Korean manhwa that are all now damn-near impossible to find. As he got older, he started getting into American comics and brought home stuff like R. Crumb, Daniel Clowes, Fletcher Hanks, etc from the library.

But it’s not just that I had someone to introduce me to all this stuff, it’s the fact I’m six years younger than him and he was already reading this stuff earlier than most. So I think I started looking at all those misanthropic underground comics by horny white men when I was, like, what… about 10 years old?

Besides my brother, the trauma of working shitty jobs for years on end, The Terrible Boredom of Paradise, and this weird and fucked up miracle we call life are probably the wellsprings of both my inspiration and ceaseless burnout. 

Tell us about your creative process; how did you develop this comic and what are the steps you took to bring it to the final stage?

SH: I did something really stupid for the 2023 ShortBox Comics Fair. I have ADHD and one of the many ways it manifests is that I have a debilitating habit of overthinking my stories. “Are the themes too obvious? Is it too heavy handed? Are the motivations for this character clear enough? Is this the right way to phrase this? Is this the right word? Is this the right letter? Is this the right punctuation?” etc, etc.

On paper, it probably sounds like something every writer goes through but when I say debilitating, I mean interferes-with-my-ability-to-live-a-normal-life-kind of debilitating. It’s kind of impossible to articulate how bad it was but it got to a point where I was so sick of myself and all the stories I never finished that I said fuck it–maybe if I just jump into a comic with nothing but a stupid premise, no planning and an impending deadline, I won’t have time to think about all these inconsequential details. So I sat down and forced myself to write, pencil and ink a comic, page-by-page.

It was essentially an exercise in automatism: I was still thinking about draftsmanship, composition, flow and everything but I kinda just let the story tell itself by writing/ drawing whatever felt like a natural progression for the narrative.

That was how I ended up with Marrow, which was kinda funny because the whole point was to make a goofy, low-stakes comic about nothing to circumvent the pressure of having to write anything good. Instead I’d inadvertently made something that was layered and deeply intimate and won the sci-fi category in the 2024 Minicomic Awards. But, more importantly, the whole process helped bring everything together. It reminded me of something I used to tell young artists: developing a style isn’t something you really set out to do, it’s something that just happens. You don’t practice drawing to get better at drawing; you do it to better channel your voice. It’s only when you can stop thinking about how to move your hand that your heart can take the lead.

I’d forgotten my own advice. I was so concerned about the technical details of how to write a story that I was basically assembling components rather than writing anything at all. Marrow helped me realize I’d already internalized everything I needed to write long ago. I just needed to stop thinking.

Expiry Date was a continuation of that process and made in basically the same way. There was just significantly less stress involved now that I knew I could trust myself.

Mostly.

Read the rest of the interview HERE! And dont forget to check out the Shortbox Comics Fair to support these lovely creators!!

[ficjoelispunk]

TIPSY’S GIRL

"Say yes to heaven,

Say yes to me.

I've got my eye on you."

Summary: Sometimes everything you want is right under your nose. All you need is a little push.

Word count: 7.4k

Warnings: just a love story, happy without anguish, thank God.

Oneshot

A/N: As everyone is already tired of reading in my notes, this is another translated Oneshot. I hope I don’t disappoint so much with English. Please don’t give up on me.🙏

-

"Good night, Joel"

You said as you passed by for the thousandth time, a damp cloth through the counter.

"Good night"

It was visibly noticeable that only his carcass was present there. Deep and tired eyes, hair with curls slightly - perfectly - messy.

"You look tired, a lot of movement outside?" You asked with a gentle smile on your lips.

Joel leaned over the - now, clean - counter.

"Yeah…" he hummed, "with the winter many hordes of them move in search of warmer places"

You were pouring an shot of whiskey into the glass. You didn't need to ask, Joel always came to Tipsy after long patrols, sat in the same place since you remember, and drank exactly the same thing, every time.

"Smart Creatures..."

He smiled with your comment.

"Since I arrived in Jackson, I've never left these walls again" you handed the glass to him "we used to do walks, picnics, hiking, all the fucking weekend..." your eyes were stuck in the wood of the counter, several images taking over your mind, like flashbacks, "I miss nature" you snapped your tongue "well, I'll let you rest" your hands patted the counter "enjoy" you smiled.

Joel raised the glass towards him.

"Thanks"

***

Tiredness took over Joel's old and worn-out body. It had been three long days of patrol. Sleeping outside was becoming a big nightmare for the back. He just wanted to get home, take a long shower and rest.

He just needed a drink first. It was what he repeated to himself, as if, the fact of repeating this to himself sometimes enough, was capable of deceiving his own brain.

The truth is, he started attending Tipsy more for a single reason. You.

A woman with such a beautiful smile, that if the light of the world ran out, your smile could certainly illuminate the planet without a shadow of a doubt. Your lips filled the contour of your smile so perfectly. Your soft skin. The curves of your body. You are so beautiful. Kind. Polite.

Every time he’s close to you, his nerve endings fall asloment. He's afraid to say something wrong. He’s afraid you'll misunderstand him. Whenever he thinks about the possibility of having you, touching your skin, your lips, your body... he drives away the desire. He's not worthy. The things he's already done. It didn't seem right that the same hands that kill could be able to touch you correctly. You deserved more.

Too old for that kind of thing. So, all that was left was for him to observe her. At least from afar he couldn't lose you.

"If you keep looking at her like this, you'll make a hole in her skin," Tommy whispered to his brother, squeezing his shoulders.

"Shut up, Tommy"

"Seriously, you're a man, Joel. Call her out, it's not a big deal"

Joel just stared at his brother.

"C’mon man… She looks at you too... you're a nice guy"

"She's just being polite. Very kind to just kicking me out from this place"

"No other man would be good enough for her here, and you know that, if you continue with this shit, you'll end up having to watch any asshole take her home..."

Tommy shakes his head while waiting for you to come and serve him too.

***

Working at Tipsy was a quiet thing, most of the time. There were few nights that you had to put up with someone who ended up drinking too much, and inflating the courage to say things to you that would be at least impolite. But overall, it was something quiet. Decreased the feeling of loneliness - which you had also been used to dealing with - the end of the world does not provide healthy experiences, and keeping mental health in line is a daily exercise.

You had just left the library, selected another book - which you knew you would read in a maximum of three days - the plan was to sit on your old couch, cover your legs with the wool blanket you had knitted, and keep next to a good herbal tea that you had harvested in your garden in the morning.

The cold this afternoon was more severe, you walked looking for the sun, to warm it up, thinking about removing your heavier coats from the closet.

"Hey!"

The known and panting voice had just rested a soft hand on your shoulder.

"Hey! Maria, how you doing?"

"I’m fine. You? Did I get in the way of your thoughts? You were closed in your private world"

You smiled.

"I'm fine, thank you. I was making a mental note to remove the married people from the closet, it seems that we will have a merciless winter this year"

She nodded.

"Do you work tonight?"

"Not really, today is my day off. Do you need help with anything?"

"Yeah, I do. I was wondering if you could help me with the recipe for that Arabic salad you make, I've tried it a thousand times and I don't get it... Tommy will get sick if he doesn't eat this salad..."

You smiled.

"Yeah, shore. Tonight?"

"If you don't care..."

"No, of course not. At 6 p.m.?"

"Sounds great! I'll wait for you."

You nodded.

“See you there”

Maria has always been an amazing woman since you arrived in Jackson. She and Tommy welcomed you in the best way, with patience and care. As much as your plans were to stretch your legs up, you could never say no to this couple to whom you owe so much. If you were in a safe place today, it was because they had provided you with it. You know that Jackson is the closest to life you once had, and no matter how much it was a long way of pain and suffering, living was still an act of courage, which you were proud of day after day for having the courage to choose to live.

Tommy welcomed you with a smile on his face.

"Maria is making the baby sleep, can I help with anything?" He said as they walked to the kitchen.

You took a look at him, smiling.

“What? I'm a great co-pilot in the kitchen"

You raised your arms.

"I didn't say anything"

You laughed. Tommy taught you how to navigate the kitchen, left the ingredients at your disposal, while killing time talking. He was a very communicative man. It was no wonder that the community respected him, he was able to maintain order and protected about 300 people. Only someone articulate enough was able to keep the nerves of 300 people under control.

You were teaching how he should cut the tomato, when he got distracted looking behind you.

"Look at you man, did you take a shower!? Well, thankfully, because definitely Joel is more skilled than me in the kitchen"

You turned around smiling, Joel was... just Joel, a man whose presence did not have any explanation. He was a little older than you, a crease always demarcating the forehead, fierce eyebrows, outlined face, beard covering the face, perfectly messy hair, demarcated jaw. He had all the characteristics of a man, masculine, strong with a striking presence.

He wasn't a talker, few times you have the pleasure of seeing him smile, always worried, nervous or too tired, you had the feeling that he not had a good night's sleep for decades. The tension he carried on himself was something so poor that sometimes you have already found yourself wondering if you would be able to relieve the lines of insistent expressions that he carried on his face. If you would be able to make him feel relaxed, calm and serene.

But, although you could also swear to see him several times - a considerable amount - looking at you, every time - also a considerable amount - that you tried to pierce his shell, he always pushed you, gently and respectfully, away.

Today, however, you had never seen so many expressions passing through Joel's face at the same time. Surprise, nervousness, hesitation... he seemed paralyzed since he entered the kitchen.

"Hi" you said, your voice seeming to pull you into the world again.

He blinked.

"I'll see if Maria needs help" Tommy walked to her brother "can you help her?"

He stared at his brother, still motionless, but nodded. He slowly approached you.

"Are the tomatoes giving you trouble?" He asked pointing out where Tommy left the job in half.

You smiled.

He reached the cutting board with the knife to continue.

"You don't have to, I can..."

"I'll help you"

He looked at you so deeply, the luminosity of the house was dim, you have never been like this side by side, always separated by a counter, or far enough away to just greet each other with a nod. You had to look away, focusing on the cucumbers you were cutting.

He followed the cutting pattern you set to Tommy, and clearly more skilled, in fact. The big arms holding the small fruit, in such a subtle way, contrasting with the big hands and long fingers. The movements outlining the muscles over the tissue of your flannel. Hypnotizing your eyes with every movement.

"Am I doing something wrong?"

You almost got scared, when you heard him, too concentrated in that man's hands, making it difficult to take care of policing yourself so that he didn't realize that you had your eyes fixed on his movements. It was only then that you realized that you were biting your lips. You cleared your throat.

"No" you shook your head, trying to clear your mind, returning to focus on the cucumbers "no, you’re natural, like a Cheff. I didn't know you were a good cook"

He snapped his lips. A crooked smile crossed his lips.

"I have some skills"

You smiled.

"How does it feel to be on the other side of the counter?"

He shrugged, and looked at you again.

"At this moment, I feel better than ever"

You was fully aware of the heat that invaded your face, and burned in your stomach. You couldn't say many other things.

Joel stayed by the side until the end of the salad preparation, reaching all the materials you needed. Sometimes your arm or hand ended up brushing Joel's skin and body. Your body was so tense that it seemed difficult to breathe. The air was a little thick and the kitchen seemed very small.

Maria and Tommy came back for a while - which seemed very long - later. Maria prepared a meat, removing it from the oven as soon as you had just prepared the salad. You dined to the sound of maternity reports. Raising a baby was not easy, and raising a baby in this world was twice as difficult. Although Maria and Tommy had been blessed with a calm and healthy baby, a child who slept all night, and was quite calm during the day.

Maria served you a wine that someone from the commune had produced, with natural fermentation with grapes produced there inside Jackson itself. Tommy helped Maria organize the dinnerware, while you and Joel were sitting outside the house, in upholstered chairs that Tommy and Joel had made before last winter.

You hugged your knee, holding the glass with the wine, in the hope that the liquid would make its due effect and warm your body.

"Are you cold?" It was the first thing he said after cutting the tomatoes.

It was surprising that, although immersed in a silence, there was nothing uncomfortable to be next to him and to be silent.

You sighed.

"I haven't taken the coats out of the closet yet..."

Joel got up, covering your back with his jacket. You closed your eyes with the feeling of warmth around your body. He was hot. Your hands pulled the fabric to cover more of your body, which made you think how small you were close to him, the jacket could easily become a blanket.

"Better?" He was sitting in front of you.

You nodded.

"Thank you"

Your cheeks pressed your shoulder. The smell of him invading your senses. You were warmed by the heat that radiated from his jacket. And it was numb by the smell that the fabric exhaled. So comfortable. So cozy.

When you had finished the wine. Your eyes blinked lazy, it was time to leave.

You got up, unrolling yourself from your jacket.

"Time to go" you leaned over to deliver the jacket to Joel, but he also raised "Maria, Tommy, always a pleasure to spend time with you guys"

"There is no possibility of eating this salad if it is not made by you," Tommy said, hugging Maria.

You smiled.

"Always available, for you. Maria, give a kiss in that little one for me"

"Of course! Thank you for dinner, it was delicious"

She leaned over to hug you.

You were still holding Joel's jacket. You was going to say goodbye to him, but he was faster than you.

"I'll follow you to your home"

"You don't have to..."

"I make a point, I'll also take advantage of the ride and go home"

You nodded. He said goodbye to his sister-in-law and brother. Walking next to you to the exit of the house. Once they were walking through Jackson's deserted streets, he pulled the jacket from your arms, stretching it on your back again.

"It's cold, you can get pneumonia and die"

You smiled, making a face.

"So dramatic"

He was close enough to bump into your arm, with every step you took, his hands in the front pockets of the jeans. Slow steps. Your house was not far away, but the path seemed to drag under your feet.

"I'll stay here" you stopped in front of the stairs on your balcony.

You was going to start sliding the jacket.

"No, stay with her" Joel said.

"No, I'm going in and I'll be safe and warm. You still have the way home" your hands stretched the jacket for him "I don't want you to get pneumonia and die" you smiled and rolled your eyes.

His big hands held the jacket, brushing your hands. Even with his jacket, your hands were cold, the warmth of his touch could easily melt your skin. He was so warm. You two faced the place where your skins were. His thumb stroked your hand.

Your body was taken by an anticipation, an anxiety was making room in your stomach and it was as if you were getting hollow inside, burning the cells of the body.

Joel took a step towards you, shortening your distance. He was dangerously close to you. Your face were tingling.

His free hand rose slowly towards your face, as if he were giving you time to scold him. But you didn't. He touched your face. You stared at each other painfully, his warm fingers slid down the side of your face, and from your neck, moving your hair away from behind your shoulder.

He took another step, his eyes danced between your mouth and your eyes. He was leaning slowly, in your direction. His eyes holding your gaze. His hand holding your head. His nose touched yours.

"Tell me, if I do something you don't want" he murmured, close to your lips.

You nodded, your noses sliding on each other. Your head tilted to the opposite side of his head. Joel pressed his lips on yours, hesitant, kind. Moving away millimeters, bringing his body closer to yours, and pressing his lips on yours again. Longer.

You felt the softness of his belly, his firm breasts. You slowly opened your mouth to him, his tongue slid down your lip until he found yours. He tasted like the wine you had. You sighed.

Joel threw his jacket on the floor, his hand slipped down your waist and then down your back, pulling your body to him. One of your hands slid down his waist, grabbing his shirt. The other got entangled in his hair, your fingers in the middle of the messy curls.

The kiss became more and more intense, your breaths were heavy, your body was glued to his hot body, his heat taking over all your senses.

His lips separated from yours, his foreheads were united, Joel joined your lips in a long kiss, moving away again, you smiled. Still hugging. He moved far enough to find your eyes, running his fingers through the length of your hair.

"Do you want to come in?" You asked, almost pleading.

Joel brought your head to his lips, placing a kiss on your forehead.

"I should go home, sweetheart" his lips brushed the top of your head.

You were numb, your face practically glued to his chest, his smell, his body. His eyes were closed trying to record the maximum of this sensation.

"Okay..." you murmured.

"But can I see you tomorrow?" He asked, holding you against him.

You got just far enough away to look at him.

He smiled.

"I wanted to take you to a place"

You smiled, unable to prevent your lips from arching in happiness.

"Is it a date, Joel Miller?" You bit your lips.

His hands went up to hold your face.

"Yeah... would you grant me the honor of your company on a tour?" The thumbs of his hands caressed your face.

Your arms were around his waist. You pretended to think, pouting in the corner of your mouth.

"Yes, I would grant..." you ended up finishing.

He pulled you for a hug, caressing your back.

"Good! I was already thinking about how to persuade you"

You laughed, - as if it were necessary - you took advantage of the warmth of his arms for another moment, until you walked away, reluctant - it didn't seem that neither of you were happy to let go - taking a few steps back, until you climb your stairs.

"See you tomorrow morning" Joel said as he took his jacket from the floor, and took slow steps back.

He waited for you to enter the house.

-

It was difficult to contain the outbreak your body exhaled. You were feeling like a fucking teenager. Since the first time you saw Joel, your pupil has dilated. He was a man who drew attention, the kind of guy you wanted to wrap you in his strong arms, the kind of guy who made you fantasize about things. The way he walks. The way he speaks. Always looking so distant and mysterious, but shy and gentleman.

You noticed his looks at you. But he seemed so distant, he seemed to be so involved in this end-of-the-world thing, so hurt by the pain that, obviously, everyone went through that, it didn't make sense for you to fantasize something, it seemed unlikely that he was willing to be distracted to the point of risking having feelings for someone.

People always commented on him. When people can't pierce someone's bubble, when they can't explain their questions, they always end up attacking. There have always been buzz about how cruel and merciless man Joel is. About the things he was able to do, because he had already done.

But with you he has always been kind and respectful, up to this point, this is a matter of education, only. However, you knew hundreds of people who were very good and not even if you wanted education could sustain for a long time, depending on the scenario.

There were, of course, many women who were sentimentally frustrated with him. Joel wasn't really in the mood. Beautiful, strong and intelligent women, fragile and petty women, he was the kind of guy who made any woman's type. That, for sure, also raised a lot of gossip.

Working at Tipsy was something that made you, whether you like it or not, end up listening, seeing and being a victim, of all kinds of things, even more so in a bunch of people, in which everyone knows everyone, and, unfortunately, everyone is busy with everyone's life.

Little by little you learned to filter the things that reached your ears. And, anyway, for you, Joel has always been a respectful man, above all. Your mind was clear and aligned with the possibility that he was someone difficult before Jackson, but who wouldn't be? There are things that could be justifiable, and there are things that perhaps, were not justifiable, maybe not necessary. But the moment wasn't the best either. Extreme moments, sometimes they ask for extreme attitudes. Anyway, it didn't make much difference to you.

What made a difference was that he was a kind man, he was never rude, not even when someone was being inconvenient. It was never disrespectful, not even when he drank too much. He was always willing and available to the people - which he certainly knew - spoke of him behind his back. And, what caught his attention the most, he was always protective, careful and loving with his daughter, Ellie.

It wasn't easy to raise a teenager before, you knew, now it should probably be terrifying. Even so, he kept himself patient, eyes always attentive and full of tenderness, ready for any sign that Ellie could think of giving. Always ready for her. That was one of the things that moved your heart the most. It was visibly noticeable that he would cut without blinking a limb for this girl. This kind of love was something you appreciated.

Joel knocked on your door, shortly after the sun settled in the sky. The morning was cold, there was a considerably dense fog hovering over Jackson's streets. The snow would not take long to start giving its first signs. The thermometers already marked low enough temperatures to roll up scarves and wear three layers of blouse, and maybe a cap, if you wanted to increase the look.

"Hi," you smiled at him.

"Morning, sweetheart" he leaned hesitantly towards you.

Your feet forced themselves to stay at the ends, in an attempt to reach him halfway. Joel pressed his lips on yours, time-consuming, needy. You smiled, he slowly walked away, you climbed up your body to give another quick kiss.

"Ready?"

You nodded.

"I hope so, should I bring something?" Your eyes catch the backpack on his back.

He shakes his head.

"No, don’t worry, I have everything we need"

You nod, closing the door behind you.

***

Anxiety has always been something that tormented Joel's head. Before he thought too much for fear of not being a good father to Sarah. Then he blamed himself for Sarah's mother having left, and how it would affect Sarah's life. And then came the concerns about how he would solve life and be able to provide a good future for Sarah. Oh, how painful it was to think about the future and Sarah.

There was a moment when anxiety and sadness entangled so much in his mind that there was only room for these two feelings. Apart from, of course, the responsibility of keeping Tommy well, alive and safe.

Of course, things got better when Ellie arrived. There was the time when the fear of losing her consumed him. Now she was big enough to push him away, to make the decisions by herself. Even so, she will always be a good child, and he loves her unconditionally, he will always be there for when she needs it. There was the anxiety and the worry of keeping her safe. There would always be. But he knew Jackson was safe. He himself made sure to keep Jackson safe for her.

But now for the first time in a long time, the anxiety he felt was whether he would find you on Tipsy, if he would know how to answer your questions well enough that you didn't think he was an idiot. He felt the anxiety of, needing to contain himself, of needing to control the desire to touch you. Or one day you end up knowing that you finally found someone to be. He needed to control the impulses to drive away the men who flirted with you. To observe the malicious eyes that lingered on you. Joel could read the guys' minds as if their fucking brains were on a big screen. And just that, it was enough for him to long for just an opportunity to punch these men in the face.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt like this, about someone else. He dreamed of you. He was nervous about the idea of meeting you. He liked your voice, your smile, the way you moved, the sweet way you looked at him. Your hair... he knew that if he approached you, he would be at risk of wanting you for him, for the rest of his life.

Tommy invited him to dinner, without telling him that you would be there. He knew the moment he saw you, that Tommy was pushing him. And he can't blame him. Tommy knew him as well as he could know himself. Joel saw you arrive, he saw you settle down, he saw you building friendships, he saw you wisely dealing with people, he saw you being simply you, as if the fucking world was not over, and you had managed to stay perfectly good.

At all times, he can't take his eyes off you. He vividly remembers the day you met him - because, he already knew you - the soft and basically sacred skin of your hands gently shook Joel's hands. Your big Corsican eyes, slightly closed when your lips drawn by God's own hands, opened in the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

And then he was there, holding your body against his, your mouth merging with his. Your heavy breathing, as inviting as he could imagine, was difficult to hold the impulse of wanting to drag you to his bed, immediately undressing your body, and warm it up with his body on yours. Finally being able to feel the taste and flesh of your lips. Your smell and the small sounds you made when he pulled your body closer to his.

He had found the passage to paradise.

Now he could only be anxious to be good enough for you, good enough to have it, and enough to keep it.

You were beautiful in the morning, properly wrapped up, which was good, you were a little cold person, he had already noticed. Maybe it was because you were a small woman, the wind overtook you easily. He smiled with the thought.

Joel bends his arm next to your body, so that you could hold his arms. You hooked yourself next to him, leaning your cheeks against his arm for a moment. It was deliciously satisfying to feel you snuggling next to his body.

"It's cold today" you speak rubbing a hand on his arm, in an attempt to warm your fingers with the friction.

Joel puts his hand on your own, which firmly hold him, feels you shudder little by little.

"It will snow soon” he watched the sky, and then you.

"What are you taking me to, Joel Miller?"

He smiles.

"You'll like it, trust me"

You two walked towards the stables. Joel had already left Callus prepared for you.

"Are we going to ride a horse?" You ask, your voice seemed curious but hesitant.

"Are you nervous?"

You shook your head. But your eyes said something else.

Joel finishes checking the sadle buckles, and walks up to you. He slides a lock of your hair behind your shoulders.

"Do you trust me?" He asks.

Your deer eyes force him to get a little closer to you.

"Yes, I trust you"

Joel kisses your forehead, holding your hand, to lead you to the horse.

***

How to explain how difficult it was to trust someone these days? You trusted Joel, he was a man to whom you naturally transmitted security. But it was impossible to avoid the butterflies dancing in your stomach.

He helped you get on the horse. Your arms around his waist, as he led you out of the gates.

"Joel?" You couldn't stand it.

"Mhmm?"

"Where are you taking me to?"

"Isn't you a fan of surprises?"

You laughed. Feeling unfair to him, whatever it was, it seemed unfair to steal whatever he took the trouble to plan. So used to always having everything under your control, knowing very well where you are stepping, what to do and when to do it, you was not used to not having control. Trusting without knowing what to expect.

"I'd like to show you a place, just it"

You smiled. It was almost as if you hadn't stopped smiling since the night before.

"All right, sorry”

You two rode for a long time, but it wasn't boring at all. You couldn't remember the last time you left Jackson. It could be a fantasy of your head, but the air looked different outside, everything was so much more alive. Nature was something imperial, only it had a place outside. The burning orange colors of the leaves of the trees with winter coming, the almost dead landscape had a melancholic beauty. The silence, only the horse's paws, you and nature. Joel stopped Callus on the slope of a mountain.

It helped you go down, holding your waist, sticking you to the floor.

"Let's walk a little now, okay?"

"Yeah, sure"

He held your hand.

"You said you liked hiking, that you missed nature..." he looked at you "I thought it would be a walk you would like."

Your heart almost jumped. You said a lot of things to Joel when he passed by Tipsy, but you could swear that he was just nodding out of politeness, it didn't seem like he was absorbing the information, keeping your words to himself. That was very cute.

The trail went up the mountain, and at no time did he let go of your hand. He said that he had already come here with Ellie, - which was very sweet, you understood that it was an important place for him - you talked about trivial things in life before the outbreak. You already knew some things, such as, for example, he and Tommy worked with construction companies, contractors, things like that. It was a surprise for him, when you say that you was a biologist.

"Fancy..."

You shook your head.

"It's not like this profession is very useful now, you know. Builders are much more fancy."

He smiled.

You said that you did a lot of field work, research and always ended up in the middle of the woods, these experiences were what ended up helping you survive in the first years of the outbreak.

Being walking around there, next to Joel, the strongest of him holding yours, surrounded by nature, one of the places where you felt most comfortable, filled your senses with peace and calm.

There was a patrol post in the middle of the way, Joel passed by, he didn't take long, he just removed a guitar from somewhere very well kept there.

"I'll leave it here for when we're going to do longer patrols..." he explained as he slides his hand through the instrument.

"I didn't know you played..."

"You will find out why, of almost no one having the joy of knowing," he said ironically.

You laughed.

When you reached the top, you had to hold back the urge to cry. Joel let go of your hand, watching you take small steps, looking at the view in front of you. You've been to beautiful places before, but being there, with the world in that scenario, next to a man who thought about the fact how much you would like something like that, was simply indescribable. Such an affectionate gesture on his part.

Your hands covered your mouth. You looked at him with teary eyes. The view was stunningly beautiful, exciting. The mountains in the background. The green, the trees. The sky. Him. Everything was perfect.

"Did you like it?" He asked quietly as he approached you.

"Joel..." you looked back at the landscape that looked millimetrically hand-painted "it's perfect... I loved it, this place is amazing"

He smiled, hugged you from behind, resting his chin on your head, his arms around you. You stayed there for a while. The cold wind cut you, a painfully pleasant feeling of knowing that you were closer to the sky.

Joel opened his backpack, extending a blanket on the floor, removing fruit, water, and a bottle of tea. You sat down, Joel leaning against a trunk of a tree, you in the middle of his legs, resting on his breasts, his hands on yours, separating just to reach some drink, or some fruit, your fingers intertwined stroking each other's hand.

He played the guitar for you. This man's voice is a threat to your heart.

"I wanted to be a singer when I was younger"

"You would have been a star. Women would go crazy"

He laughed.

“You are such good lier”

You tried to convince him that he was really good at that. But he was a modest man, and too shy to receive so many compliments.

The silence was comfortable too, you had a book in your hand, feeling the sun on your skin, the birds flying in the sky. Joel was also reading.

"Joel?" You tilted your head back, leaning against his chest, to look at him.

"Mhmm?"

"Did you plan all this?"

He nodded behind you.

"You simply, you just eliminated any kind of competition, you know that, right? After today, it will simply be impossible for anyone to surpass you"

He sighed a smile.

"When you told me you missed nature, this was one of the first places that came to my mind.”

“Thank you, I really liked it”

“Yeah… I just didn't imagine that I would have the opportunity to one day bring you here"

You turned to look at him.

"Why?"

He seemed to be embarrassed.

"I didn't think you would give me a chance"

You settled to face him.

"What do you mean?"

He looked away, looking beyond you, at the landscape. He seemed afraid to say the words. One of his hands that were at your waist, reached a small and thin branch on the floor to distract his attention.

"Did you really think I was going to Tipsy just to drink that damn whiskey that Seth serves?"

You kept analyzing his face. Without answering.

"Tommy and I got better whiskeys when we went on patrol" he threw the branch on the floor, looked at you again "I'm going to Tipsy because I wanted to see you"

It took you a while to process the information.

"Joel..."

"I wanted to spend time with you, but look at you..."

You frowned.

"I never imagined that a woman like you would waste some time with a man like me, and... besides, I didn't want to bother you"

You tilted your head, your hands held his face, affectionately directing his gaze to you.

"Joel, what could a woman like me want, if not a man like you?"

He smiled, embarrassed and tried to divert his face from his touch.

"Look at me," you said, holding his face again, "you are a kind, generous, polite, respectful, honest man, I would waste any time with you"

His eyes seemed painful, as if your words were being stuck in his skin, as if he were being forced to believe your words, as if he himself was not able to recognize the man he was.

You caressed his rebellious hair, approaching him, to kiss him, soft and gentle in the beginning. But this was gradually being replaced by a needy pain, when his hand went up to your neck, the other fixing your legs so that you were on his lap, putting your legs around his hip, your arms leaned on his wide shoulders, he pulled you close, his hand sliding through the hem of your blouses, letting some fingers brush your skin. You moaned in his mouth, your skin shivering, his tongue plunged into you, making you press yourself against him, putting your body stuck to his, his hands went down to your hip, but his fingers squeezed the flesh of your ass. You were about to start moving your hips in search of relief when he walked away from you panting.

His forehead stuck to yours. You smiled.

"Sweetheart” he said “Maybe we should go back..."

"Yeah, it seems like a good idea"

You made a slight cuddle on his hair, he pressed some quick kisses on your lips, before you got up, put things away, and made the trail back.

The way back to Jackson was faster. Joel left Callus in the stables, it was almost incredible that you spent almost the whole day together, it was almost the end of the afternoon when you were making their way back to your house. You still had to work at night. Everyone who passed by you two, delayed their eyes, your eyes caught some women whispering among them. You pretended not to see it.

You were almost in front of your house.

"I hope I didn't make you tired, you still work tonight, right?"

"That’s right, but I'm not tired, it was basically like recharging the energies"

He smiled.

You were about to climb the stairs from your balcony. He held your hand.

"Can I see you tonight?" He looked at you looking for any kind of approval on your face.

"Joel, you can see me whenever you want"

He seemed satisfied.

"But you can come in if you want. I still have some time, until I start my shift"

You held his hand harder. Almost as if he had no choice but to accept. He nodded. You went up the stairs, opening the door, pulling him behind you.

As soon as you were inside your house, he pushed you against the door. Kissing you, slipping his tongue inside your mouth, he put his knee in the middle of your leg, causing a perfect pressure for the friction you needed from the heated kiss you gave on the mountain, you shook your hip, he moaned in your mouth. His cock was already hard and arching.

Going down kisses down your jaw, your fingers pulling his hair.

"I won't be able to wait until after work for this," you murmured.

"I was hope not" he said in his skin.

He could feel your need by rubbing your hip on his leg. Fuck, he wanted to feel you, sink into you, he thought about it so much for so long, that it was the realization of a fucking dream, kiss your beautiful mouth and have your perfect body like that for him.

His hands slid up your ass, pulling your body to him, you moaned. Your hands pushed his coat to the ground, desperately unbuttoning his shirt.

He pulled you up, so that you were on his lap, your legs crossed his waist, his hands on your ass holding you.

"Where is the room, babe?" He asked panting.

"Third door on the left"

He walked with you in his arms, while you kissed messy, you pushed your coat to the floor along the corridor. Cursing the - now - exaggerated amount of clothes. Joel put you on the floor, helping you undo the buttons on his shirt. Pulling his blouses by his arms, you undoed his belt, the button of his pants, he pulled the last shirt he wore by his body.

God! He was beautiful, so hot. You kissed the firm skin of his chest, he pulled your last blouse by your arm, and almost whimpered when he saw your naked breasts for him - you were not a fan of bras - your nipple was hardened, your skin goosebumps.

“Fuck, you're more beautiful than I could imagine," he murmurs, pushing you to bed.

His hands deliciously squeeze the soft skin of your breasts, he goes down a path of kisses through your collarbone, slipping his lips through your skin, until he finds your nipple, he gently passes his tongue through him, while the other hand squeezed your other breast, your silky skin against his big, calloused and warm hands, his mouth closes over your nipple, sucking you there.

You can't contain the moan that rises from the bottom of your chest, arching with the feeling of his mouth on your body. He slides his mouth to the other chest, doing the same to him. Your hands get tangled in his hair.

He slides his lips down your belly, deposits a kiss just below your navel.

"Are you sure of that?" He pauses, looking at you.

“Yes, Joel”

He kisses your belly once again and pulls the jeans by the legs.

Your panties had a shamefully damp spot.

"Fuck, babe" he slid his finger over hot and wet fabric "are you needy for me all day?"

"From the moment you suggested leaving" you were panting. "You are a bad man"

He smiles.

"I'm going to reward you"

You smiled. Breathing stuttering.

Joel hooked his fingers pulling your panties, throwing somewhere lost on the floor, crawling to the middle of your legs. He put a leg on each shoulder, it took him a second to appreciate the image of your pussy in front of him, you felt his warm breath approaching you, until he pressed a kiss on your clit. Your breathing trembles with the sensation.

He ran his tongue painfully from wandering from your hole to your clitoris.

“Tastes so fucking good..."

You moaned and he sank his tongue in your heat, moaning too, without avoiding the good taste you had, his hand passed by you, reaching your clitoris, your back arching for him.

He was literally eating your pussy, devouring you while you moaned arching at his touch, you were dripping, more and more wet while his tongue worked on you in a way you didn't even know was possible. He sank a finger inside you, feeling you contract as he stretched you, your breathing getting more and more panting, your hands ran to his hair. He bent his finger inside you, making you choke on the perfect feeling, pressing your clit more, you arched and undone around it, with a strangled moan, pushing deeper into you. He smiled, as he felt your body collapsing with pleasure for him.

He dragged his lips through your body, the wet and shiny beard, you were out of breath. He separated just enough to look at you, your hands were around his face.

"You're still sure..."

You pulled his face to yourself, kissing him, tasting you on his tongue. Your hands went down to push his jeans. He got up to take off the rest of his pants and underwear.

And, it was almost impossible for your to get better, but you had, he had a gloriously perfect cock, leaking from his swollen, big and thick head.

He knelt in the middle of your legs, taking his hands in your middle gathering your wet, passing over his length. Joel lowered his cock so that his head was in your hot and wet entrance, lay down on you, his body warm and heavy.

"Tell me if it hurts, and we'll stop, ok?"

You nodded.

***

He rested his forehead on yours, closing his eyes trying to focus on something other than your soft and naked body for him, something other than your incredibly hot pussy in which he was about to sink.

You passed your hands through his hair.

He pressed the head of his cock, and only then your pussy already clung to him tight. He pushed slowly inside you, little by little, giving you time to get used to him, desperately trying to focus on anything else, but your hands slid down his back pulling him against you, it was amazing. God! You feel so damn good.

He knew, he imagined it would be amazing, you were equally amazing, your beauty, your skin, your smile, he did not contain the grunt you made when you felt your hips meet and know that it was totally inside you. You clung to it, squeezing it, so hot and soft. The volume of your breasts below it, your body. Your mouth. You licked his lips.

It had been a long time since Joel felt this way, you fell so good, the feeling was painfully too hot, he could never dream of something as good as you taking him totally, deep in your wet heat.

"Fuck" you gasped in his ears “you feel… oh my God”

He felt you, every part of you, every muscle contracting, the weight of your breathing, your arms moving as if you wanted to touch most of it you could.

“I know, sweetheart” he kissed you while he was deep inside you. Starting to move, your hip moved to meet him, you moaned in his mouth “You taking me so well”

Joel was slow, he couldn't press too much, he would cum too fast. He took his time, savoring every part of you, every kiss, and every movement he made, listening to the beautiful sounds you exhaled through him.

When his cock was painfully tight on you, he moved faster, more urgent, your fingers stuck in his skin, your legs intertwined his back, he knew you wouldn't last much longer, your walls squeezing around his cock. Your breathing stuttering.

"I won't last much longer..." he murmured on your shoulders "where...?"

"Inside me..."

He growled. While fucking you harder, faster, sinking deep inside you, your body faltered, with involuntary spasms, Joel held your body against his.

"Fuck, that’s it, cum for me" he said, feeling your walls pulsing around him “c’mon babe, that’s it”

He can't stand it, falling apart inside your heat, pulsing inside you. Your hands pressed his back causing him to somehow sink deeper into you. He moaned on your shoulder, feeling his fucking leaking from you, through his balls, on your leg.

His body collapsed on top of you, you kissed his shoulder, his neck. After his breaths stabilized, he raised his head to kiss you, soft, affectionate. He moved so you could lie down and bring you to lie on his chest.

"You're amazing" he said, moving your hair away from your back.

"And, you wouldn't ask me out, like, never"

He smiled.

"I think you need to reward me for lost time"

He looked at you. Smiling satisfied.

"I can start with today, after your work"

You snapped your eyes, you were going to get up quickly, but he held you.

"You can be a few minutes late"

You snuggled up on his skin.

“Sweetheart?”

“Mhmm?”

“When you said I eliminated all the competition, were you serious?”

You looked at him smiling.

“It’s not like there��s a line of men at the door of my house, but, yeah, I was serious, I mean, I’m not crazy not to take advantage of you”

He kissed the top of your head.

“You are a dangerous woman”

"Yeah?..." you bit your lips.

He pulled his leg to be on top of his.

"Yeah" He said quietly, knitting his eyebrows.

You kissed the skin of his chest, he slid his hands down your spine. Your arm grabbed his waist, his fingers caressed your arms.

“You’d better get ready, because if you’re willing, I intend to be the last man of your life”

Maybe you missed your work on this day.

[the-bird-and-the-flute]

My experience reading william's so far

I'm at chapter 12 btw. Also, if you didn't read liam and harrison pls don't read this. Also, this may be an unpopular opinion about kate

yall, seriously. wiliam's route is sth else hahaha

So far, his MC to me is so so. I was not expecting her to fall in love so easily, which frustrated me. I thought it was going to be a slow burn like liam's but apparently that was not the case ('I'm reading chapter 12).

idk if kate is always like that in other routes (I'll definitely try to read all of the boys cuz they are all so batshit crazy and I love that) but she is way more gullible than I expected. Girl, you just don't trust a bunch of villains like that. They are not ordinary guys. Wake up!

I know it's not as if we could control who we'll love, but she deadass fell in love with harrison and william so fast imo. Particularly, I didn't like that.

In harrison's, I think she fell in love because he is so nice and polite. He seems the most normal guy of all of the boys. Just like lots of you mentioned when they released the EN server.

And in william's, it looks like that good girl falling in love with the bad guy, that one your parents always tell you to never get close to. Also, she could have fell in love with william because he was the one who taught her how to express herself and show her true colors.

It gives me the impression that kate sees william's as some sort of savior or deity. No matter what he does, she will trust and follow him. Not a fan of that tbh. And I'm saying that as a william lover.

But, at the same time, I like the fact she is not trying to erase her personality like other MCs in otome/josei just to please others. I'm pretty sure she will do something crazy in the next chapters, so I'm looking forward to it.

Also, I loved that in chapter 11 or 12, she realized she wanted william to kill avatus (is that his name? ahaha). Thank god a MC that is not that prude girl who accidentally is caught up in the middle of a bloodbath and tries to convince the suitor not to kill someone because killing is bad.

And william is so vicious. And that's exactly what I love him lol I highly recommend you read his route if you want to know who he really is. Just playing the events is not enough.

I noticed playing the events and his bday story that he loves freedom. But it never occurred to me that that was not only because he valued free will, but because it is some sort of kink of his.

While reading his route I have this impression that he is also being selfish doing that. And he is aware of that. After all, he is a villain. So, in the end, he also gains from their freedom.

And he not only applauds people when they do what they want but he is also considering letting people use him as they please in this process.

How many other women did he have sex with just to please them? And that reminds me of liam's route. Because liam and willliam to me look the same when it comes to that. I remember when liam implied he fucked a woman just because she wanted to.

I was shocked they had sex so soon on his route ahahha. I liked that kate was honest saying she wanted to have sex with him. I wonder if it's canon she is a virgin. She doesn't seem to be experienced at all.

But, at the same time, I have this bittersweet feeling that she is going too fast to experience everything she didn't try before without thinking about the consequences. I know in the end she will get what she wants, as she is the MC, but this could have ended up on a REALLY bad note for her because william is not in love with her. And if they say later on that he was in love with her since the beginning, I don't know if I'll buy that tbh. Let's see if I'll change my mind.

Did you imagine if the bad end was william rejecting her after fucking kate over and over again for 1 month? This girl would be devastated.

That being said, I love william to death. He is exactly the bad guy I was looking for - manipulative, strong-willed, seductive, has good manners and he is not ashamed of living his best life.

But I can't self-insert in his route. Kate sometimes seems too emotionally dependent on william for my taste. Luckily, in william's events, I think she has a more pleasant personality and is more independent.

I also love the plot so far. Seeing William exterminating butterfly is so fucking entertaining. He has the most wicked ideas of how to order someone to die.

And the revelation he killed his dad was also shocking to me. As I saw in liam and harrison's route that liam's dad was alive and harrison loved his father, and roger's seems to have a nice or normal relationship with his father, I thought we would get the chance to meet william's dad too. But yeah, that is not gonna happen lmao. And I'm glad william killed his father. That guy was hideous.

I wonder if other people in william's family have that curse as well.

Oh, and harrison was so accurate in describing william here. William is not only cruel when he kills people, but when he flirts with them too, even if it's unintentional.

[pinknightsinmymind]

【 abby anderson as a gf hc's 】

a/n: this is just super fluffy and cute <333 i wrote a lot so it's below the cut

first and foremost, lots of ppl make assumptions about abby and what she's like because of her appearance. she has somewhat of a rbf, and she's insanely buff, so many ppl are intimidated by her automatically.

that being said, abby looks to be understood and known at a deeper level, and wants to be treated like anyone else no matter what she looks like

i think she's the typical "intimidating but a huge softie" type like HEAR ME OUT

anyone can look at her and know that she's insanely strong and that she could easily take them out, and while true, underneath all that abby is extremely kind and caring

she may look scary, but she loves reading, she loves animals, she loves nature, she has a soft spot for lev, she's grown to understand the world outside of herself and that there is more than what meets the eye, she's learned from her mistakes, and she's deeply loyal

so while, yes, she is tough and strong, she is much more than that and wants to be seen for all parts of herself rather than the surface; she wants to be understood and she wants her partner to be someone who isn't intimidated by her and is willing to look beyond her exterior

so while everyone else avoids her and you willingly approach her despite what ppl say? and you treat her like a person—like she were anyone else? that immedately gets you on her good side and gains you her respect

you two begin to seek each other out more and more bc she enjoys your company and begins to open up to you

she lets you see every side of her, even the ones she typically wouldn't let others see

other ppl may be confused as to how you joke around with her so easily when they'd fear for their lives if they did, but that's simply bc you're close enough to her that you know how much of a huge softie she is

okay okay enough of my intimidating softie abby agenda and now time for more interesting stuff

im FULLY convinced that in a modern!au and college!au she'd be in pre-med studying to be a doctor or a surgeon; she'd do it bc she wants to help ppl but also bc she loves and admires her dad for his work

bc of this i also see her bragging to you all the time that she'll be your doctor wife who makes big money so she can spoil you

(and she lives up to that promise)

when she comes home late from work she's quick to make it up to you

ABBY IN SCRUBS

knowing her love of novels, i feel like she struggled to pick between pre-med and english as her major, but at the end of the day being a doctor called to her passions much more so she chose english as her minor

HOWEVER, i feel like her brain is so sexy especially when talking about novels she's read

like imagine her going on tangents about the book she's read and what she thinks the meaning is, then bringing up the story's historical context, and then interdisciplinary studies and just being like "omg she's so sexy i'm going to take my clothes off rn" bc of how smart she is

her book collection is HUGE and she lets you borrow whatever you want from her shelves, and you can see all the things she's scribbled in the margins, her silly annotations, small drawings in the corners, her cussing in her notes about the characters saying stuff like "what the fuck is wrong with you?" so seriously

she'll find poems she really likes and tell you about them especially the ones that remind her of you

i feel like she'd love emily dickinson and the bronte sisters idk i can see it

she's SO excited to introduce you to her dad

she's a huge family person and wants you to feel like a part of her family too

in a modern!au lev is probably a kid who lives next door to her that she babysits and tutors sometimes but she absolutely adores him and sees him as her brother

can you imagine how much of a hopeless romantic she is

she's probably so cheesy and loves romance and being cute with you where if it were anyone else it'd be cringy but its HER and she's just so sweet and so endearing how could you hate any of it?

asks you to be her valentine every year even if you're her gf bc she still feels the need to romance you

will make a spectacle of every holiday in order to treat you somehow

okay maybe gift giving would be a love language of hers too i can see it

but i feel like her top love languages are physical touch and acts of service tho

she's definitely the type to cherish any moment with you, and values being able to sit with you in silence in general but also while you do your own activities together (so parallel play basically)

.... i think she'd love to play video games to destress but not necessarily violent ones i think she'd play more calm games like animal crossing to relax or maybe minecraft where yall can build a world together and have a little farm bc she thinks its cute

teases you when you get lost or when you die in the games tho bc she's a bully (jokingly) like that

definitely the type to be like "only I can bully you"

very protective in general she wouldn't let anyone lay a hand on you and she'd take such good care of you

worries about your well-being (physical, emotional, mental) all the time and will do whatever it takes to make sure you're okay

if you need her at 3 am, she doesn't care she goes to your place right away

if you're sick she won't hesitate to buy you medicine, clean up your place, make you soup, whatever you want

when taking care of you while sick she calls you her number one patient and her favorite patient bc she's corny like that

there's nothing she wouldn't do for you bc when she's committed, she's committed

she's such a devoted and loyal person in general that when she cares about you, she cares about you, and there's no bluffing involved

just a very sincere and honest person who is willing to grow and learn, especially with her partner

i bet she's VERY open to communication and to talk things out with you she's the type to listen to you wholeheartedly and give you all the reassurance you need

she's the type of partner who's SO open to communication and good at it that you're like omg??? how are you so calm??? i'm screaming and crying and shitting my pants rn???

she's a huge softie and such a loving person who looks to be understood the way she understands others; she craves unconditional love and wants to give to others

she's just gf (and wife) material like come ON

[spoilmesweetieforficssake]

Hiii

I have to say that I love your work. I was reading your last story where Mel gets overprotective with the pregnant reader and I have a idea.

The reader is just in fact pregnant, will be a solo parent and is so in love with Mel and thinks Mel could never love them back.

Can you make it with a happy ending, please? Thank you so so much!

You love my work? *Grins like an idiot* Positive comments like that make for a very happy writer!

I'll be honest, your prompt hasn’t been the easiest thing in the world to write (which isn't to say I haven't enjoyed it - I have!) and I hold my hands up now and admit I that what I know about pregnancy comes from Grey’s and Holby, hence, things might feel a bit detached from reality and out of sync with a ‘normal’ pregnancy timeline.  But hey, I’m no doctor, I’m just some little lesbian who dabbles about with word documents in her spare time so I hope you enjoy where this goes!

(Also, I know this request came off the back of another pregnant reader prompt.  In my head this became a different story altogether.  I do, however, have a plan to carry on the other fic with a few little one shots in the same verse.)

~*~

“Fuck!  Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!” you groan as you pace in the tiny bathroom.  You jump at a sudden knock on the door.

“You all right in there?” 

A voice you’d recognise anywhere.  Melissa.  “Just peachy!” you call back, trying to sound as cheerful as you can muster in the midst of your breakdown.

“Yeah, ‘cause that’s how my day’s going when I say fuck fifty times too!” she drawls.  “You’re a worse liar than Janine!  Come on, open up.”

You can’t face her right now.  You can’t face anyone right now.  “I’m fine, honest,” you protest.  “I just…need a minute?”

“You sure?” comes the red head’s voice, soft and full of concern.  It makes you want to cry even more than you already do.  As much as Melissa puts up a tough façade, once she lets you in, you’re in.  You need to hide a body, she brings the shovel.  You need to make someone into a body, she brings the bat to make it happen. 

“Yeah,” you sigh, leaning your head against the wall.  You hear her footsteps as she retreats.  You take a minute.  Many minutes, in fact, before finally turning to the mirror and making sure you look presentable.  Taking a final deep breath, you push the door open, only to halt as you see Melissa leaning against the wall opposite, scrolling through her phone.

“You look just peachy,” she comments, eyebrow raised as she pushes away from the wall.  “Come on.  I’m not that scary.  You can tell me.”

“Are you kidding?” you hiss.  “You’re terrifying!”

She merely rolls her eyes.  “Yeah, only when I’m not on your side and…well…you know, I’m on your side.”

You tear up a bit at that.  Fucking hormones, you think to yourself.  You’re still note quite sure what you did that landed you lucky enough to be friends with her.  Sometimes, you wish you weren’t.  It would be so much easier to be in love with her if she wasn’t nice to you.  

Stepping back into the bathroom, you jerk your head, indicating for her to follow.

“You know I don’t normally sneak off into the bathroom with pretty girls, right?” she smirks.  “Especially at work with all those innocent little minds around.”

You could almost wish she was flirting, if you weren’t holding a fucking grenade tucked behind your back.  You’ve fucked this up big style.

“Seriously, what’s up?” she asks after a moment when you don’t say anything.

You pull the pregnancy test out of your pocket.

“Fuck,” she breathes.

“Yeah,” you sigh, sitting on the close lid of the toilet.  “Fuck.”

“I…didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”

You don’t look up, not wanting to chance seeing disapproval on her face. 

“I’m not,” you admit.  “It was the last time I went home,” you mumble.  “One stupid night with an old ex.”

The tears that have been gathering in your eyes start to fall as you feel a gentle hand on your shoulder, rubbing soothingly. 

“What the hell am I meant to do now?”

*

You hear your phone chime and subtly slip it from your pocket.  You’d tried to call your ex, resorted to a voicemail and when that got no response you’d finally messaged him.  That had been four days ago. 

Seeing his name on the screen, you quickly open the message, only for your face to fall.  You knew it would come as a surprise to him.  Hell, it had to you too.  But you hadn’t expected him to be quite so brutal in his reply.  You read the words again, not quite able to comprehend why he’s being so cruel. 

Shoving the device back in your pocket you take a deep breath, willing the tears not to spill from your eyes.  The last thing you need is for the kids to see you cry and ask you what’s wrong.

Instead, what you find is Barb crossing the lunch hall, quietly asking if you can give her a hand with something.  You nod dumbly, letting her lead you out into the hallway.  She remains in the doorway where she’s able to still keep an eye on the kids. 

“Is everything okay?”

You quickly wipe at your eyes.  “Just a message from my ex,” you sniffle, looking up at her.  By the blank look on her face you realise those words mean nothing to her.  She doesn’t know.  You thought for sure with how close she is with Melissa the red head would have told her, but it would appear that’s not the case.  “I’d messaged with some news and he didn’t take it well,” you go on, keeping your words deliberately vague, not quite sure Barb would approve.

She puts a gentle hand on your arm.  “Why don’t you go and take a moment, I can handle things here.”

Nodding, you thank her before slinking off to the bathroom.  Inside, you close the lid of the toilet and sit with your head in your hands.  It’s starting to feel like an all to familiar position. 

*

“What did that asshole say?”

You look up from the worksheets on your desk as Melissa marches into your classroom. 

“Barb said you got all upset at lunch duty after a message from your ex?”

You sigh.  “I always knew he was a bit of a dick, but I didn’t expect this…”  Reaching for your phone, you open the message and hold it out to her.  You really don’t want to read it again.

“Where do I find this guy?” she growls, slamming your phone down on the desk. 

“You don’t!” you warn.  You’ve seen her temper.  Your ex wouldn’t stand a chance.

“Seriously?  You’re gonna let him say things like that to you?” she asks, stabbing a finger at your phone. 

“He didn’t ask for this!” you hiss.

“Neither did you!” she’s quick to remind you. 

You let out a long breath, sitting with your head in your hands.  When you finally look up again, she hasn’t moved.  “You didn’t tell Barb.”

She frowns, confused at the abrupt subject change.  “What?”

“At lunch duty today, she took me aside because I was upset, but she didn’t know why,” you say.  “You didn’t tell her.”

“You trusted me enough to tell me,” she says softly, moving around your desk until she can perch on the edge of it close to you.  “I wasn’t about to break that trust and tell anybody.  You might wanna think about telling her though if you want someone else on your side.”

“But...”

“But what?” she asks.

“What if she doesn’t approve?  It’s not exactly an ideal situation,” you mumble.

She smiles softly down at you, her hand finding your shoulder.  “Oh hon, Barb has her morals, but she knows the world ain’t perfect.  You tell her you’re about to pop a kid she’ll have your back.  Believe me, she knows pregnancy ain’t no picnic.”

“I could make this all go away,” you say in a whisper, hanging your head.

“If you were seriously thinking that you’d have done it already,” comes the red head’s softly spoken words a few moments later. 

You look up, tears in your eyes.  You know she’s right.  “I’m gonna be a single mom.”

Melissa pulls you into her side, her arm settling more firmly around your shoulder, letting you bury your face into her sweater.  “You’ve been here long enough to know we’re a family here at Abbott, right?”

*~*

“Try this,” says Melissa, holding out a Tupperware tub in your direction.

You turn away.  You want to at least be polite, but at this stage your morning sickness is all round the clock sickness and everything and nothing seems capable of setting it off.

She doesn’t move.  “Seriously, Barb could barely eat a thing with Taylor, but she could eat this.”

*

“I still haven’t vomited!”  Not exactly what you meant to say when you arrived in her classroom door after the school bell, but the words are out before you can stop them.  You’re embarrassed to find tears in your eyes.  “Shit!” you hiss, wiping them away quickly.  “I was never someone who cried, now I’m crying at everything.”

Melissa just chuckles.  “I’m gonna take it as a compliment.  You want me to make you some more?”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” you say, even as your mouth waters at the thought of it. 

“You’re eating for two and it’s apparently the only thing you can eat.  I’m making more,” she tells you, her tone not allowing for argument. 

“Thank you.”  You manage the words you had meant to say when you arrived in her classroom. 

*

You come out after your first scan, grainy picture in hand and sink onto the first bench you find.  Yes, you knew you were pregnant, but you’ve just heard the heartbeat of the tiny life growing inside you.  You literally have a picture in your hand as proof of the tiny human you’ve created.  It makes it feel so much more real. 

You’re aware of someone sitting next to you, but your eyes remain on the picture in your hand.  It’s not until you feel another presence sit on the bench on your other side that you look up to find Melissa and Barbara sat on either side of you.

“You okay?” asks the red head.  “You were outta that school like a man on the run when the bell went.”

“I’m having a baby,” is all you say, your voice shaky.  “I mean, I knew it was but…this makes it feel so much more real.”  You wave the picture in your hand, not protesting as Melissa slips an arm around your shoulders and pulls you to her.

Barb takes the picture from your shaking hand.  “Real and scary, right?”

You nod. 

“But amazing too,” smiles the kindergarten teacher.  “This little life inside you is a miracle and as terrifying as it seems right now, I promise you it won’t feel that way.  You’ll see.”

You manage a watery smile.

“Now,” says Melissa.  “How about we go have a virgin cocktail to celebrate that little miracle?”  She takes the print out from her friend’s hand.  “And someone can explain to me which end of this jelly bean is which?”

*

You knew it would happen sooner or later, but it comes as a shock the first time it happens.  You jump, eyes growing wide.

“You okay?” asks Melissa already halfway out of her chair.  It’s just the two of you in the break room; she on a free period and your kids in PE. 

“Yeah,” you nod.  “I think…I think it just kicked.”  It happens again and you press a hand to your stomach.  “It did, it definitely did!”  You look up and find her barely a couple of feet away, her hand reaching out before she quickly snatches it back.

“Can I?” she asks sheepishly.  “I mean would it-“

“You wanna feel it?” you ask.

“Is that weird?” she asks, screwing her face up.

You shake your head, smiling as you reach to take her hand and guide it to where she can feel it.  You know the moment she does as a wide smile spreads across her lips.

You laugh, tears in your own eyes as you watch her look down at your stomach in wonder.  You can’t help but think about how you’re sharing such a huge moment with her.  Of how she’s been there through a lot of your big moments.

She looks almost giddy as she looks up at you, tears in her brilliant green eyes.  She looks adorable and you could almost believe…  You shake your head.  That’s dangerous territory.  She’s a friend being supportive, nothing more.

 *

“What if it’s not even human?” you ask, aware you’re being ridiculous but unable to shake the fear.  Today is your next scan.  Today is the day you’re going to find out the sex and see actual features.  You’d be too terrified to ask the first time around, still too overwhelmed at hearing the heartbeat of the tiny life growing within you.

Melissa shrugs, “So you have a cute baby Yoda and get on with it.”

“You know the baby is actually called Grogo, right?”

The red head rolls her eyes.  “Not the point, Jacob.”

“Extra fingers and toes would probably come in handy,” Ava chimes in.  She’s not here for the baby chat, but rather, the pink and blue cupcakes Janine brought in.  “What?  At least the kid’ll have a talking point?”

Barb sighs, shaking her head.  She turns to you, reaching for your fidgeting hands.  “Don’t listen to them.  It’s going to be fine.  Everything was just fine the first time around, you’ve had no reason to worry, no symptoms that are out of the ordinary and you’ve even started to feel the baby move.”

You nod, releasing the breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding.  Melissa had been right, Barb did indeed have your back.  She’d been your voice of reason when you panicked, the one who was able to reassure you that as strange as it all felt, what you were going through was absolutely normal. 

More than just being right about Barb though, Melissa had been right about your little Abbott family.  Yes, there had been a few shocked faces when you’d told everyone, but they hadn’t judged.  They’d been helpful, kind and more patient than you often deserved. 

*

“Hey.”

You look up to find Melissa leaning against your doorframe.  You’d been too busy trying to cram everything into your handbag while keeping a lid on your anxiety to hear her approach. 

“I just wondered if you might want a ride to your scan?” she offers.  “Not that you can’t drive yourself,” she adds quickly, stepping further into your classroom.  “Just, you know…wondered if you wanted some company?  You seem pretty nervous and I didn’t want you to think you had to go in there alone like you did before.”

By the time she’s finished speaking she’d standing before you, wringing her hands.

“You’d really come?” you ask, your voice quiet and shaky even to your own ears.

She smiles softly at you.  “Course I would.”

 *

“It’s a girl.”

Those three words are enough to bring tears to your eyes.  It’s not as if you’d been particularly hoping for a girl, but somehow the knowing really brings it home.  You’re going to have a little baby girl. 

Melissa lets out a long, slow breath, blinking against the tears that have gathered in her own eyes.  It’s a battle she’s been losing since she heard the baby’s heartbeat sound loud and clear.  She looks from the screen showing your little girl to your face and back to the screen again as she presses a kiss to your hair. 

*

You sit on the edge of the uncomfortable hospital bed, holding the print of your scan between your fingers. 

“They said she was perfect,” you smile softly, stroking your finger over the image.

Melissa puts your bags down on the edge of the bed, moving until she can see the picture in your hand.  “She is,” she smiles, looking from the image to your smiling face.  She’s moving before she can comprehend what she’s doing, and suddenly her lips are pressed to your own.

The squeak of surprise from you is what brings her back to reality ands he quickly steps back, immediately apologising. 

You reach out, catching her hand.  “Don’t apologise…or at least, don’t apologise unless you didn’t mean anything by that.” 

Taking a deep breath, the red head steps forward, looking terrified but trying to be brave.  “I meant it,” she admits softly, reaching out to cup your cheeks, thumbs tracing your cheekbones. 

Your own trembling hands find purchase on her hips, the feel of her strong and solid and real before you grounding.  “Really?”

She nods, tears gathering in her eyes once more.  “I don’t know when it happened,” she starts, her voice soft, but sure.  “But I think somewhere along the line I might just have fallen in love with you and that little girl we’ve yet to meet.”

You sniffle, tears already making tracks down your cheeks once more.  “Any hope I had of ever having a chance with you I lost the day I saw that positive test.”  You shift to wrap your arms around her, burying your face into her stomach.  You feel her hands stroke soothingly up and down your back, the gentleness of the gesture only serving to make you cry harder. 

When you’d arrived at the hospital you’d half expected Melissa to wait in the car, but she hadn’t even hesitated before she was out of the truck and moving round to open your door.  The only time she had hesitated was when the nurse had called you in, unsure whether you would want her there for such a private moment.  When you’d held out your hand, however, she’d been out of her chair in a heartbeat, linking her fingers with your own.  As you’d settled on the bed, she’d been right there, a comforting arm around your shoulder, cheek pressed to your hair as her eyes took in the little miracle on the screen.

You hadn’t been sure then whether your tears were of relief that everything was fine, that she was fine, or whether you were simply overwhelmed at how different it felt to have someone, to have Melissa by your side for this scan. 

“I wouldn’t lose hope just yet if I were you,” she says softly.

Loosening your grip on her, you look up to find her smiling down at you.  It feels too good to be true.

Your little bubble is burst by the nurse returning.  “Sorry!  I didn’t realise you guys were still in here.  I was just coming back to clean up.  I’ll give you some time.”

Melissa shakes her head.  “No, don’t be silly.  We were just on our way out.”  She lifts your coat, holding it out to you as you stand before helping you into it.  With a soft touch, she adjusts your collar before lifting your bag along with her own and reaching out to take your hand as though it’s perfectly normal.

Smiling at the nurse as you leave, you can only look at the woman next to you in wonder, feeling as though you’re floating as she leads you back to the car.

With the doors closed, the reality of the last few minutes begin to sink in. 

“We should probably talk.”

You tense up at those words, and Melissa sees it.  She’s quick to reach over and take your hand. 

“Why don’t you come back to mine and I’ll make dinner and we can talk?” she suggests.  “Just some food, some conversation.  No pressure, no nothing, just talk?”

As if on cue your stomach growls, even as it twists anxiously at the conversation that you know is to come.

*

You expect dinner to be awkward, but as you watch Melissa move around her kitchen as she brings the meal together you can’t help but relax.  She looks happy and content as she cooks, and your heart almost bursts each time she checks in that you’re okay with a new ingredient.  She says nothing of the tears that once again gather in your eyes as she casually comments that she can’t be upsetting the little princess by feeding her things she doesn’t like. 

It's only after dinner when you’re sat at opposite ends of Melissa’s couch that things become awkward.

Melissa finally breaks the silence with a loud sigh.  “Okay, I planted one on you so only fair I go first.”  She takes a deep breath, turning to face you more fully on the couch.  “I don’t know when it happened.  Hell, I didn’t expect it to happen, but I meant what I said at the hospital.  I’m in love with you and that little jelly bean.  I’m not expecting you to feel the same, but I want to be there for you both even if-“

“I never really thought you could feel that way,” you say, cutting her off.  “Even before,” you pause, gesturing at your every growing bump.  “And especially after.”  

Scooting forward on the couch, Melissa finds your hand, linking your fingers together.  “So it’s not perfect,” she says with a crooked smile.  “But it’s real.”

You look down at your joint hands.  “Yeah…it’s real.”  You find yourself blushing furiously.  It feels almost ridiculous to think that somehow, despite everything, she wants this.  She wants you.

“You okay?  You burning up?” 

As Melissa reaches out with her free hand to press the back of her hand to your forehead, checking for a temperature, you find yourself blushing harder.   “I’m fine,” you reassure her.  “Just thinking…if this is real does that mean you actually want to kiss me?”

At this, the red head grins.  “Yeah, this is real.  I love you, and yes, that means I want to kiss you.”  She holds your gaze as she speaks, her voice steady and sure. 

“Even though I look like a beached whale?” you ask.

Melissa shakes her head, chuckling.  “You look beautiful.”

You raise an eyebrow at her.  “Don’t give me that ‘you’re glowing crap’.  I’m a mess.”

“A hot mess,” she smirks right back.

“A huge mess,” you argue. 

At this, she rolls her eyes.  “Are we just gonna argue about this or can I kiss you again?”

This time, there’s no come back on your lips, only Melissa’s pressed deliciously against your own. 

[ash-rigby]

Between the Flowers (Female Plantfolk) [M/F/F]

Featured characters: A male human and two plantfolk women. All are adults.

Description: A week after leaving the area inhabited by Solveig the Silent, Caelan stops to set up camp for the day and comes across two plant women fucking in the woods. His intention is a quick peek, but he is caught and these women have a unique method of punishment. Contains: Femdom, Heavy Degradation, Light Vine Bondage, Aphrodisiacs, Fellatio, Anal Play (on a male character), Nipple Play, Edging, Overstimulation, Brief Creampie Eating, Plant Genitals.

Completion Date: December 27th, 2023

Word Count: 5508

Note: This story is technically a continuation of Solveig’s Lair, but it’s not essential to read it before this one. Its events are briefly referenced and it otherwise has nothing to do with this one besides featuring the same human. Caelan just keeps running into monster ladies that want to bully and fuck him.

-

Caelan stopped and set up camp much earlier than usual that day. Sometimes the days-long treks between towns wore on him; plodding down the path on his horse, becoming accustomed to having a sore ass, and only rarely seeing another person. There were times when it was nicer to pick out a quiet spot and disregard any responsibility for the day.

It was around an hour after midday when he dismounted Bandit and led her off the road and into the woods. There was a flat, relatively clear space a little way in where he chose to settle. He relieved Bandit of her saddle and his gear, letting her roam untied; even when spooked, he could always trust her to return to him. She set about feeding on the grass, her dark brown coat dappled by the sun streaking through the leaves above.

Caelan set up his tent and readied a small fire pit for when the night’s chill arrived. He relaxed at the base of an old oak, heaving a contented sigh before lighting his pipe. An aromatic scent surrounded him as he indulged. He sent a few smoke rings up into the canopy, watching them lazily waver and dissipate as his thoughts wandered.

They landed on Solveig of all things; that beguiling, insatiable beast. It had been a little over a week since Caelan left the area she inhabited. Mainly because of her, he spent more time there than he originally intended. She made for more than interesting company. He visited her many times after that first sensual encounter, sometimes winning her lewd game and other times losing. But he had departed on an intensely satisfying victory.

He reached into his pocket to retrieve his prize. The polished coin glinted in his hand. It was of an ancient, outdated currency and he probably could have sold it for a hefty sum. But he elected to keep it as a memento. Solveig had taken exceptional care of it for so long and part of him detested the thought of it gathering dust in someone’s collection. As he danced it across his fingers, nature called.

Caelan snuffed his pipe and stood, dusting the dirt from his backside. He turned to his horse before stepping out into the woods.

“If anyone tries to make off with my shit, you kick their knees backwards, alright?” he told her.

Bandit snorted loudly against the ground. He imitated the sound back to her and chuckled.

“Good girl.”

Caelan walked a long way out, not wanting to piss anywhere near his campsite, and did his business against a tree. He was set to return when he began to hear noises. They were strange in this setting, but not unfamiliar in the slightest; distinct moans of pleasure. The realization rooted him to the spot. Who would be out here fucking in the middle of nowhere?

He knew he should ignore them. Leave whoever was to their private passions. But he ultimately followed his curiosity—and his dick—in their direction.

Mentally cursing himself the entire way, Caelan stepped lightly through the grass. Just for a little bit, he thought. Enough to make some memories to use later. The voice grew louder as he approached. He hoped that those amorous sounds and the distraction of the acts causing them would make certain he wasn’t found out. He kept his ears strained but still startled a bit when there was movement in his peripheral.

Caelan ducked behind a tree, heart pounding with equal parts shame and excitement. He poked out his head and sucked in a breath at what he saw. About thirty feet away, standing at the foot of a wide trunk, was a young woman; not human.

She had rich, green skin and white hair that had a tinge of yellow and fell about her shoulders. On either side of her head were two large, golden flowers. From their centers grew long tendrils that cascaded down her back, their ends reaching her mid-calf.

Kneeling in front of her was another plant-like woman. It was harder to make out her features, but she was pear-coloured. Large, wide leaves made up her shorter hair; slightly darker than her skin and fading to reddish-pink towards the tips. She was licking at her partner’s pussy and doing a good job of it if the moans she was garnering said anything.

“Mmm! Fuck, Priscilla!”

Caelan watched on, transfixed. He could see Priscilla’s arm moving, certainly touching herself. She had a plump, round ass and his mind was swiftly filled with images of the way it might bounce with a rough pounding. Heat began to pool in his groin.

They were both so damn gorgeous.

The first woman’s moans and whimpers had raised to a higher pitch. Her hips rocked against Priscilla’s face, one hand buried in her partner’s leafy hair while the other teased her own breast. She fondled the whole of it, trapping her nipple between two fingers so she could simultaneously roll and tug at it.

The quick look Caelan intended turned to minutes. His cock had started twitching insistently. No, I can’t go that far, he told his wavering resolve. He wasn’t some dirty voyeur lurking in the shadows. But then why couldn’t he tear his eyes away? Why couldn’t he move? The impatient throbbing was getting harder to ignore.

Breath and pulse quickening, Caelan gripped himself over his pants. I’m fucking disgusting, he thought. He sucked in his lower lip against a hiss, gently stroking the shaft with his thumb. It took the edge off but he ached to bury himself in someone. To sink into the warmth of a lust-swollen cunt. He was holding back a moan when he became aware of something wrapping around his ankles.

Before he could properly process it, his feet were yanked out from under him. He was sent crashing to the forest floor. A breath left him in a pained yelp before he was dragged a long distance across the grass and dirt. He cried out as his world shifted jarringly and he was hoisted into the air, all too suddenly hanging upside down between the two women.

“Caught you!” came a sing-song voice.

It had come from the darker-skinned figure in front of him—whose face he was level with. Her eyes were strange; a vibrant, otherworldly green with three dark pupils in each iris laid out in a petal-like array at the center. There was no anger in her tone. More like Caelan had been found out in a game of Cheat.

“Shit, I am so sorry, ladies. I—,” he began.

“Ladies, he says,” scoffed Priscilla from his side. “If you’re looking for prim and proper, you’re sure as Hell not gonna find it here.”

The other woman giggled. “You found Polly and Priscilla instead.”

“And we’re far from the road, so let’s not bother with the ‘just passing by’ excuse, okay?” Priscilla said.

Caelan’s face was hot. And not just from his hanging position. He was wracking his mind for any sort of explanation, but he really had none. Polly’s hands cupped his cheeks, turning his head this way and that as she grinned.

“Aw, he’s cute though. Look at him blushing!” she said. Caelan felt another of whatever was holding his feet snaking down his leg. He gasped as a light, exploratory touch found his clothed erection, teasing up and down the length. “Mmm, and he’s hard.”

“He would be,” Priscilla said. “Didn’t even take it out. You into cumming in your pants, pretty boy?”

Caelan tried to speak, stuttering over every syllable that tried to exit his lips. Arousal and mortification warred in him; though he found they were one and the same. He couldn’t help feeling like their toy as they likely saw him. He shut his mouth and said nothing, deciding to act like it and see where it got him.

Priscilla chuckled. “Flip him around, Polly. His dick will make better use of that blood than his head.”

The change was a relief. A rush came over Caelan as he was situated upright. The tendrils held him, their movements elaborate as they managed to also get him out of his shirt without losing their grip on him. He looked up at them. They were thick, green vines with faintly glowing markings. He had seen similar marks on Polly’s shoulders glowing before he had felt the vines move; she was the one controlling them.

Caelan felt more than a little stupid, thinking that he had been well hidden. And then he was so preoccupied by his dick that he hadn’t heard the vines slithering at him through the bush. Now he was left standing, arms and hands tied above his head, awaiting—eagerly—to be put in his place.

He got a better look at Priscilla, mouth going dry at the revelation of how much taller she was than him; he was head-height to her substantial chest. The leaves on her head obscured her eyes. Her mouth seemed just slightly too wide for her face and as she laughed once more, laving a long over her bottom lip, he could see it was filled with deadly fangs. She moved behind him as Polly pressed up against his front, hands resting on his chest.

A scent came to him then, thick and sweet. Its effect was pleasant; warmth swimming in his head and travelling down his body. Something about it had his cock straining against his pants and throbbing madly. The flowers on Polly’s head, which upon closer inspection seemed alive beyond what was usual for flora, had parted further and begun twitching. The likely culprits.

Polly looked up at Caelan with those wide, odd eyes of hers. The tendrils originating from her golden petals moved. They tickled his ribcage before finding his belt buckle. His pants loosened and fell about his ankles, leaving his nearly-full cock to bob up into the air. It was quickly wrapped up in thin bindings that stroked his length.

Caelan panted, a pathetic whine escaping him as the tendrils teased the sensitive head and slit. He swayed a bit where he stood, but then Priscilla came up to his back, her breasts against his neck. Tied and sandwiched, he was completely at their mercy.

The tendrils upped their pace and Polly mouthed at his neck. He thought for a moment that this might be his punishment; cumming without the privilege of ever getting to be inside either of them. Maybe made to lick up his cum from the dirt like a dog. It’s what he deserved. But the tendrils released him.

Polly slowly kneeled, palms dragging down Caelan’s heaving chest and stomach as she went. Her eyes, sparkling above a devious grin, never left his.

“Please…more,” he begged.

A hand reached under his raised arm and found his throat; not squeezing enough to cut off his air but his chin tilted upwards instinctively as he sharply gasped.

“And where was that ‘pretty please’ earlier, hm?” Priscilla said, voice low and falsely saccharine. “That’s all you needed to come and say instead of spying.”

“Maybe he likes being a pervert, Scissy,” Polly said. Her breath ghosted over Caelan’s dick as she spoke. Warm and delicate like gossamer threads. He shivered.

“N-no,” he tried to refute, cut off by a moan as he felt the head of his cock being enveloped by Polly’s mouth.

“You really want her to stop?” Priscilla asked.

Caelan had been sorely misunderstood. “Fu-fuck, no.”

Polly teased, only sucking onto the tip while her hand slowly pumped the rest of his length. He wanted to go deeper; she seemed the type to be able to take it all. But a single, shallow thrust of his hips had them suddenly bound with vines. Everything stopped, the soft lips around his cock pulling off. He whimpered mournfully.

“Nuh-uh,” Polly chided with a quick slap to his thigh. “Who said you could do that? Be good.”

“I will,” Caelan said, hyper-aware of every heavy throb of his dick in this pause. “Sor—sorry.”

Polly continued pumping him, her tongue gently licking the underside of his head. Her tendrils caressed his thighs and balls. Slow strokes, light touches; still enough to have him seeing stars. He moaned, eyes fixed on the tree branches above and swallowing against the hand on his neck. It gave his throat a brief squeeze before joining the other in finding his pecs.

“Nice tits,” Priscilla said, derisive as she fondled and squeezed; long, dexterous fingers going for his nipples.

She lightly thumbed at them. Then rolled them between the soft, warm pads of her fingertips. Caelan hissed when she would surprise him by flicking or tugging at one of them, pleasure jolting from his chest to the end of his cock. He was sweating, finding himself unconsciously arching into Priscilla’s touch. She stopped, leaving his hard nipples feeling used as she dragged her nails over his abdomen.

Caelan felt her move, not sure what she was doing until her hands were on his backside. She gripped the meat of his ass and spread him open. A shiver ran up his spine as he was exposed. He gasped at the feeling of a puff of warm air against his hole, followed by impish laughter.

“We’ve got him twitching back here, Polly,” Priscilla said, fingers digging into his flesh. “Think he’s the type who likes it in the ass.”

Polly retracted her tongue for only as long as it took her to speak. “Ooo, lucky! It’d be so rude not to indulge him.”

“I want to hear it from our little pervert first.”

Caelan’s heart pounded, his face and ears burning hot as his head spun. “Wha—? Ahhh.”

“Should I give this nasty hole what it wants?”

“Yes.”

“Details, boy,” Priscilla ordered sharply. “Spare. None.”

“P-play with my ass,” Caelan said. He groaned as Polly took the leaking head of his cock back into her mouth. “Fingers…t-tongue…god, whatever you want. I’ll take anything—mmm, fuck! I love it. I love it so much. Please!”

Priscilla gave an appreciative growl. “There’s a good boy.”

Caelan felt her tongue on his hole moments later. She licked at him, making him drip with her saliva. The tip ran around his quivering rim and dipped shallowly inside. It was a nearly unbearable tease. His mind fixated on the memory of how long that tongue was and he caught his lower lip between his teeth, holding back his begging to be fully filled.

Instead, he moaned, feeling incapable of coherent speech even if he wanted to give in. They were keeping him on the edge, just enough pleasure to have him raging and wanting but far from release; wet clay in their hands. He looked down at Polly, her gaze locked onto him. Her petals twitched, almost erotically, sending that pleasing scent dancing around them.

Priscilla gave a slurred, muffled chuckle against his ass and pushed in deeper. He thought she might torture him with small increments but she kept going—long past a regular tongue’s length. His legs shook as it squirmed its way against the tight walls of his hole. It felt filthier than a finger or cock would ever come close to but he reveled in the unique way it twisted and writhed, trailing slick saliva to his deepest parts.

The tongue reached that sweet spot inside him and his vision briefly whited. He let out a loud yelp of a moan as he squeezed onto it. A triumphant hum vibrated the muscle and Priscilla began to thrust it into him, aiming for his prostate. His insides grew hot and accommodating the more they were prodded, ecstasy sending his toes curling in his boots.

Polly’s hand slipped away from his dick and, apparently not to be outdone, she started to take the whole of him into her mouth. It was heaven. The softness of her tongue as it glided over the underside of his shaft. His voice wavered as he felt himself penetrate her throat; no gag reflex, no resistance. Her nose met coarse hair where she stayed for a moment before bobbing her head in long, slow strokes.

“Fuck…shit,” he hissed.

Receiving pleasure at both ends was driving Caelan wild. He could feel his cock leak into Polly’s throat with every nudge against that bundle of nerves in his ass. His shaft, full and straining, throbbed with desire; the need to burst. Breathing hard, he tried to focus. This would not so quickly be his undoing. He was already humiliated enough. But even without communicating, these women knew to begin upping their pace in tandem.

Priscilla was no longer giving his prostate a break, barely off it for a second at a time. His ass quivered and clenched but it didn’t deter her. She kept up a mercilessly quick thrust, her tongue shifting with lewd, wet noises. Copious spit dribbled from his hole and down the backs of his thighs.

Polly practically swallowed his cock. She slammed it into her throat over and over. His tip would be squeezed by the tighter space, released, and forced back in again.

Caelan’s head lolled against his bicep. His mouth was dry, open on moans that rode on panting breaths. Something about this was destroying the stamina he had built to best Solveig. Perhaps it was the flower’s scent hanging in the air. His dizzy mind couldn’t place it. All he knew was the pleasure surging in him beyond his control.

“Ah, fuck!” he cried. “I’m close, I’m close! I’ll cu—I’m gonna cum!”

Priscilla and Polly stopped, pulling off his cock and out of his ass. Caelan couldn’t stop the loud, pitiful keen that quavered from his lips. He breathed hard; his torso swaying, boots kicking at the dirt, his dick twitching and weeping in the open air. His eyes burned but he blinked defiantly; he couldn’t believe they almost had him crying.

“Oops, we can’t have that just yet,” Polly teased, standing and brushing a feather-light touch across his stomach. Even that was enough to make him throb in this state.

“P-please,” Caelan begged. “Please let me—I can’t take—I need—.”

Priscilla gripped his jaw from behind. “Quiet, boy. You’ll get what you fucking want.”

He pressed his lips together, feeling their traitorous trembling.

“But,” Priscilla continued as she released him, her breath hot on his ear. Sweetness clung to her tone like syrup. “Like before, you’ll have to ask nicely. We’re going to let you spill that dirty, peeping tom seed of yours inside us. Be grateful and beg for it.”

Caelan swallowed, heart racing.

“I…I want—ahh!”

He was interrupted as Priscilla reached around and began swiftly stroking his cock. As he nearly came again, she stopped.

“Didn’t catch that, sweetheart,” she said.

Caelan caught his breath. “Please—I want t—oooh, gods!”

He was teased to the edge and then pulled back.

“Speak up.”

It went on for an agonizingly long time. Caelan tried to voice his desire. Priscila’s request of him. But he would get a varying number of shaky, desperate words in before he was stroked mute beyond pleasured cries and had to start over. He lost count. His cock raged in her hand; flushed dark, veins popping. Finally, he spoke quickly enough, frustrated and tearful.

“I want to cum inside you! I need your pussy. Let me cum! Please, please, please, let me cum inside!”

“There…not so hard, was it?” Priscilla asked, cloying.

Polly giggled. “He makes such stupid faces when he’s all blissed. I can’t wait to see more!”

Caelan tried to glare but he doubted it came across. The vines manhandled him once more, ridding him fully of his pants and laying him out beneath the tree. As before, they kept his hands above his head. They also wove about his ankles to tie them down. His hips were once again immobilized. He looked down at his body, seeing his cock straining away from his body, eager for the hole he had earned.

A shadow fell over him and he looked up to see Polly standing above, hands on her hips and smirking down at him. His eyes roamed down her body. It was the first real look he had gotten between her legs. He blinked at the sight, though he should have expected it. White petals flared out and pressed into her thighs. At the center of them, which faded to a delicate pink, was some mid-point between floral and what he was used to; he could see folds and a clit amid the shapes.

Priscilla stepped up beside her, giving a similar reveal.

“Talk about stopping to smell the roses, eh?” she said.

Caelan could see fluid dripping off both their petals. For all the—albeit sexy—shit they had put him through, it had clearly excited them more than they would verbally admit to him.

Polly lowered herself, straddling Caelan’s thighs. She took his cock in her hand and thumbed the leaking tip. He shivered. Hold it together, he told himself, distantly mortified at the thought of cumming all over her when his prize was so close.

“Excitable thing,” she said. “So twitchy and wet. Adorably pathetic.”

Caelan throbbed at the word and she laughed, situating herself so she could line his dick up to her hole. He expected more teasing but within seconds his tip was breaching her. Inch by inch, she sank down until she was sitting snugly on his hips.

His breath caught. She felt incredible inside; the walls of her cunt felt like they were covered in thousands of small, independently moving cilia that were already caressing his shaft.

He was dying for her to move. The words got stuck in his throat. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to beg for that.

Polly started to grind down. Her movements were short, keeping him nestled deep inside her. She was only a few thrusts in when a hairline crack showed in that smug exterior she had been keeping up.

The smirk quivered. “You’re…big. I knew you were from how far I got you in my throat, but…wow.”

Priscilla knelt down, reaching out and gripping Polly’s hair by the base of her skull and making her whimper.

“No way was I letting him get those first pretty little noises out of you,” she said.

“Mmm…Scissy.”

They kissed as Polly rode him, deep and messy. Priscilla busied her hands; one arm wrapped around Polly’s back to tease her nipple and the other in front at her clit. It made her twitch around him even more, moans muffled in Priscilla’s mouth.

Caelan lay there, staring at the arousing display as his buried, aching cock furiously pulsated. Everything had slowed down and he found himself panting and loudly groaning after being denied for so long. All he could think about was the satisfaction of feeling thick cum pumping out of him; exploding, filling. He wanted to flood her.

Any part of him that wasn’t tied down quivered and shifted, his head lolling between his shoulders. He grunted like a beast and if he started drooling, he didn’t admit it later. Priscilla pulled away from Polly’s lips to give him a sideways glance and a sly look.

She scoffed. “Noisy bastard.”

Caelan whined as she returned to Polly, less from the insult and more from his burning need to thrust. To take control, fuck her hard, and not care if he came when they didn’t want him to anymore. He would accept the ridicule—any punishment. They could parade him naked on a leash through the nearest village for all he cared.

He needed to cum or something might have just broken in him.

Polly began to bob on him a little harder, the breast not caught by Priscilla’s hand bouncing with her. The walls of her hot, sopping cunt squeezed his cock. He could feel her dripping down his balls. The cilia upped their pace as well and squirmed fiercely like tiny tongues, tasting every inch of him.

Caelan didn’t bother giving them a warning at the risk of being refused again; damn the consequences. He tossed his head back and moaned, feeling the first of those deep, rhythmic throbs overtaking him. Warmth rose through his shaft and burst from his tip. That building, roiling pressure released. All he knew was relief and intense pleasure; pump after copious pump.

Polly moaned. “Ohhh, he’s cumming. He’s—ahh, there’s so much. He won’t stop. It feels—it feel—Scissy, I’m gonna cum. He’s making me cum—ahh!”

She paused on top of him, coming apart and held up only by Priscilla. The rich green of her sweat-glistening skin looked all the more vibrant somehow. Even the flowers upon her head had taken up an orgasmic throb. She quivered and came apart, Caelan’s cock pressed deep inside of her spasming pussy. It clenched around him, milking out his last few spurts with its wild twitching as the cilia seemed to clamp onto him.

“Good girl,” Priscilla praised, running her hand down Polly’s trembling side. “You might have gotten a punishment if you came before this little rat.”

“Aww,” Polly whined. Her words were laced with erotic breathing. “Can I have it anyway?”

“Maybe.” Priscilla paused, looking down at Caelan. “When we’re done here.”

Caelan swallowed. “Wh-?”

Polly pulled off of him. He gasped at the sudden sensation of sliding out of her coupled with that of his cock flopping down onto his stomach. It pulsed lightly, softening and pulling back towards his body. He watched, head spinning, as Priscilla took it into her hand.

“Thought you were getting off easy?” she asked, grinning as Caelan jolted at her touch. “There are two of us, boy.”

She started stroking and Caelan cried out, squirming under his bindings.

“P-Prisci—ahh! I’m s-s-sensitive. I just c-came—I—.”

Any further words were stolen from having those ignited nerves teased again. It was veering dangerously towards being too much. His legs were practically numb. But despite that, he felt his cock making weak attempts to harden again; when did he become this insatiable? Did Solveig make that much of a whore out of him? He could almost hear her harsh barks of laughter as his shaft twitched to no avail.

Priscilla smirked. “How about giving him a stronger hit, Polly? Poor thing can’t get it up.”

Polly laid out beside him, pressing in close.

“Oh, now he can’t,” she teased.

She ran her hand over his chest, settling over his pounding heart. He could see those telltale movements in her flowers again and it clicked what was about to happen. In an instant, that floral scent intensified. It flooded his senses and he moaned, eyes rolling as the resulting rush slammed down to his groin.

His cock sprang back to life, throbbing with an unnatural vigour as it rapidly filled once more. It felt overly swollen; thick and radiating heat. Excess cum squeezed from the quivering slit and ran down his shaft over Priscilla’s fingers. She took her hand off of him to lick up the mess from her knuckles. His engorged dick stood freely, veins pulsing.

“That’s better,” Priscilla said.

She licked her lips and extended her tongue, coiling it around the first couple of inches of his cock. Saliva dripped as she moved it up and down. Rivers of precum streamed from him to add to the slick mess. Caelan shook, the wet sounds barely perceptible over his whimpering.

A second tongue joined in; Polly lapping at one of his nipples. Even that seemed to be throbbing under the influence of her scent. So much power from an unassuming plant; something so pretty bringing out an utter, desperate filth in him.

Priscilla released him, panting heavily.

“Fuck, Polly,” she gasped, her voice rough. “That’s even getting to me a bit.”

She moved and positioned herself over Caelan’s dick. She was soaked; clear, warm fluid dropping onto him. Her petal-like folds seemed to quiver in excitement as she lowered them and lightly thrust her hips to tease the head. Caelan whined alongside Polly’s playful hum.

“Don’t break him, Scissy,” she said. An indirect hint for him to fucking brace himself. “He’s already pretty dumb. Don’t want to make him all cock-brained.”

Priscilla chuckled. “It’d be an improvement.”

She ended her sentence by roughly slamming herself down onto Caelan’s cock. He yelped at suddenly being enveloped in pulsating heat and squirming cilia again. The pleasure stole his breath.

“Isn’t that right, boy?” Priscilla inquired, slowly rising until only his tip breached her.

Caelan inhaled shakily. “Y-yes.”

“Your dick’s the only useful part of you. This is what you’re for.”

She dropped again. Hard.

“Ahh! Yes!” Caelan cried.

“Now, go on,” Priscilla said, rolling her hips to give the barest amount of friction to his raging cock. “What do we say?”

“Please, Priscilla! Fuck me. Let me be your toy! Please! Fuck me!” Caelan begged without a second’s hesitation, any pride left in him laying shattered at the feet of his desire to please her.

“Good boy.”

Priscilla began to ride him and she was nothing like Polly. Her pace built within moments until the quick, slapping sound of their slick flesh seemed to resound through the area. She grunted around her lolling tongue from the force of it, drooling as her pussy swallowed him up. The bounce of her large breasts sent her sweat flicking outwards.

Caelan could barely breathe as he lay there taking it. The ache in his ankles, wrists, and hips from being bound was forgotten. All he could feel was his dick—hot, wet, throbbing—and the kiss of Priscilla’s folds when she bottomed out. He was distantly aware of Polly licking and sucking his nipples, marking him up with her lips and teeth. But it was a little thing amid the shocks of pleasure that came with every rapid drop of Priscilla’s hips.

He moaned, loud and ceaseless. If there were words, they were nonsense. His vision blurred as he peaked again. It was dry. He knew it was dry. But everything throbbed wildly; his cock, his balls, even that spot deep in his ass. He came down from it. Still hard. Still being fucked.

Priscilla had clearly felt it.

“Not a drop left in you, huh? You gave it all to Polly, you stingy little shit,” she said. “But that’s okay. You’re gonna make me cum even if you can’t. That’s what perverts get. Fucking. Used.”

She interrupted her brutal rhythm to punctuate her final two words before resuming. Tears sprung to Caelan’s eyes, his moans becoming littered with sobs. His voice kept cracking to a higher register as overwhelming pleasure engulfed his body. His cock continued to pulse in Priscilla’s swollen, clinging walls. It couldn’t even muster a simple weep of precum anymore; just stay hard for her like a good toy should.

It was euphoric; this loss of control. To feel like an object made for another’s pleasure. No thoughts, no words; just a cock attached to a whimpering, whining, disgusting mess of a thing. Compliant to any erotic whims one wished to exact upon him. All that mattered was serving his purpose and making her cum.

Priscilla was throbbing inside and her pace became erratic. She had ceased her degrading words in favour of a stream of moans and grunts. Her fluids flowed in excess, every plunge into her cunt made audibly sloppy.

With a teeth-baring grin, she thrust down upon him a few final, quick times before dropping to bury him deep as she came. She was loud in her satisfaction; mouth open, tongue sticking out and dripping with saliva. Her orgasm was just as intense as everything else about her; walls squeezing down tightly, pulsing with fervour, a sweltering heat clamping down on his every over-sensitive inch.

Caelan’s heart knocked against his ribs so hard it ached. For a moment, he thought it might give out. His eyes rolled back. Priscilla wouldn’t stop cumming. Her pussy had him locked, endlessly twitching around him. A last orgasm was wrenched from him and darkness edged his vision, ears only privy to a high-pitched whine and his own rapid heartbeat but he knew he was crying out in mindless ecstasy. His throat was raw.

In a haze, he saw more than felt Priscilla lift off of him. His cock was still lewdly straining from him, throbbing and slick. It couldn’t want more. It couldn't possibly be ready for more.

Priscilla’s face dropped into his line of sight.

“You’ll stay and play for a while, won’t you?” she asked sweetly. “We’ve got some friends who would love to meet you.”

He nodded weakly, need twitching between his legs. “Please.”

Polly rose from his side, moving to straddle his head. He looked up into her wet, still-quivering floral folds and his mouth watered.

“I almost forgot,” she said. “Don’t good boys clean up their mess?”

She came down on Caelan and he readily lapped at her pussy; tonguing the hole, tasting his own cum flooding his mouth, and feeding that depraved part of him that loved getting into these situations.

End

Masterlist

[1-helluva-hazbin]

Always Something Underneath

Chapter 4 - Sprig of Thyme

Content warning: slow burn, writing the accent, discussion and portrayal of depression, self isolation, crossing boundaries, quick proofread

Summary: Lucifer had been receding into himself for weeks and finally had pulled a vanishing for one of the hotel's events. While you had sat idly by until that moment with concern gnawing at you, his absence finally propels you into action.

Author Note: Depression does not have one face. This is a portrayal of one of the many ways depression can look. An amalgamation of my own battles, struggles talked about by my friends and family, as well as stories I've read of those who have suffered from it as well. Depression does not manifest in everyone the exact same way. It is not the same intensity with every depressive dip. Everyone needs different forms of support. Please be gentle with the people you love if they have depression. Please be kind to yourself if you are struggling with it.

Word Count: 4364

Chapter 1 𖤐 Chapter 2 𖤐 Chapter 3 𖤐 Chapter 4 (You Are Here) 𖤐 Chapter 5 (WIP)

Hypervigilant.

That was what Husk had called you off handedly a night or two ago after you had gotten off work and hunkered down at the bar for a nightcap. You hadn’t even realized you had been looking around every few minutes with your mind elsewhere to the point the bartender had to repeat himself on a couple of occasions. Well, you knew you were looking around. You just hadn’t realized how apparent it had been.

It had eventually come out that you had allowed yourself to be killed at work. You could only hide in your room for so long and while the bruises healed faster down here in hell, it still took time. So, when Husk had mentioned you seemed hypervigilant and had asked if work had been okay, you were actually kind of relieved it seemed like he linked it to that. You didn’t want to admit you had actually been looking for Lucifer.

Since having had tea with Lucifer, a couple of times you had also shared an evening over drinks. Of course, with other hotel guests around and Husk. Yet, you had started eagerly looking forward to your time with him. He always asked how your day had been and seemed to attentively listen. He had even started learning some of your co-worker’s names so when you’d spill some drama that happened he knew who was who or would ask a clarifying question to make sure he did. It was thrilling to finally get to talk to someone about it who wasn’t directly involved who seemed genuinely interested. 

Husk would let you talk to get it out but, would usually zone out.

Angel would launch into his own work drama stories. Sometimes you were cool with that because, you knew it was how he was relating. You think. Sometimes you just wanted to vent though.

Charlie and Vaggie would listen but, always offered advice on how to solve whatever the underlying issue was.

When Cherri was around and heard your tales she would basically just tell you to fuck them bitches and quit before shoving another drink into your hand.

Alastor cut you off to change the topic or find a reason to walk away.

The other guests usually did some sort of variation or combination of those.

Lucifer… listened though. It tugged at your heart in the same way he had when you had shared tea and he said that everyone at the hotel wasn’t going to just be abandoned. To be seen without having to vie for it. You liked that. You liked being around him. Sort of craved being around him, especially when you had a hard day. So, at some point you had started hoping he would show up. You had started looking for him.

Maybe that was why you had noticed over time he had slowly been becoming less interactive. Not as enthusiastic to partake in conversations. His prior boisterous self muted. Withdrawn. While you could tell he was still trying, he progressively seemed more taxed; strained smiles,losing focus, providing less input.

Tonight though was the first time he had missed an event he told Charlie he would be at. Charlie liked to plan group dinners together from time to time as a way for residents to bond. Lucifer had attended a few before, so they could bond as well, and he had originally seemed elated to be invited again. Yet, Charlie’s texts and calls had been left unanswered. 

The whole scene, seemed eerily familiar to you. While you wanted to ask Charlie, it didn’t feel like your place to ask about something as personal as his mental health. Especially since she was his kid. What made you more concerned was the fact that Charlie seemed in the dark. Completely unaware of why her father might suddenly do this.

Additionally, while Lucifer seemingly had a plethora of acquaintances, you questioned who his confidants were. Many of the beings he spoke of were fleeting mentions, merely characters in his story or passing mentions.

When you had realized Lucifer likely wasn’t going to be showing up for dinner, you debated whether to take action or not. While the two of you certainly had become closer, if this was what you were worried it was, you knew it was beyond the bounds of your current relationship. It would very possibly ruin everything which made you hesitate. You liked what you had with him. 

You’d miss what you had if you lost it.

Yet, if he didn’t have anyone and he was alone just enduring what you were concerned about… You couldn’t just not at least try.

So, after dinner, you made your exit during the lull between dinner and some of the other bonding activities Charlie always had setup. Board games and card games primarily but, there was one drinking game a few of the sinners had picked up that she had reluctantly allowed considering the positive impact. You’d come back down afterwards if your excursion proved fruitless with some flippant excuse about needing air or just a walk to digest the food. Stealing away and excusing your absence had become second nature long before your death. A skill developed in the paving of your path to hell.

You reached the door to his room relatively quickly; the elevator making the skyward trip exponentially fast. As you had strolled the hallway down towards his room though, the space felt barren. Like you were walking the halls of a recently abandoned building. You had grown so use to the hallway on your floor; the doors decorated with stickers, graffiti, art, or caution tape along with the resident’s name on a placard that Charlie had each person make on their first day. One of the more recently departed souls had said it gave off ‘college dorm room’ vibes. You hadn’t ever been to college, though you always pondered whether it might have been a fun experience. Not that you would have been able to afford it.

Yet this floor lacked any semblance of living. All the doors along the hallway empty of adornments or name plaques. A musty odor having settled into the air. The carpets still plush and full of color from disuse. There weren’t even the pictures on the wall that Charlie had hung on many of the lower floors. You couldn’t recall if anyone had ever claimed a room on the upper floor outside of Lucifer’s in his apple designed suite and Alastor’s studio, which he always shadowed himself away into. 

Even Lucifer’s door remained a pristine white. The golden handle and hinges practically glowing. This part of the floor, seemingly enchanted with some spell to keep the dust from settling despite the stagnant air that betrayed it’s appearance. An unwelcoming aura despite the grandiosity. Your face twisted with concern. This was the perfect place to seclude yourself away especially if he could teleport in and out to remain unbothered. 

Your knuckles gently rapped against the door with solid sounding thuds that echoed into the void. Your breath stuck in your throat as you listened. Straining your ears to hear anything over the beating of your anxious heart. You bit your lip and knocked again. “Lucifa?”

Again you paused. Holding your breath hoping to hear something. 

Something was nagging at you. A gut feeling that was attempting to wrench the meal from your stomach with constant churning and twisting. You wanted to be wrong. Desperately. You needed to know you were wrong.

“Lucifa… I’m comin’ in.” You waited a moment to see if that might elicit a reaction, if he was there, before you pushed open the door to a darkened room. The stench of body odor and mildew immediately hitting you; exacerbating your tortuous gut as your heart seized.

You let yourself in, closing the door behind you. You found it hard to breathe but you made your way over to the wall of windows pulling the curtains back before cranking open the first set of windows. The door to the suite complaining with a gentle rattle at the influx of airflow. You turned using the city lights to examine the room better quickly spotting a lump in the bed.

You couldn’t see very well but, by the smell of the room he had locked himself away at least a full 48 hours. A plate stacked with food on the nightstand next to the bed appeared to be untouched with his phone next to it. As you examined him, you noted his chest slowly rising and falling. You hadn’t realized just how much you needed to see that until you sighed out, relieving a massive weight in your chest.

You turned drawing back the curtains and opening the rest of the windows. You then made your way over to the bathroom flicking the light on. Thankfully, there was an untouched stack of towels perched on the vanity. You pushed the showerhead slightly so it aimed more towards the far wall before you turned it on to let it run, throwing one of the towels down onto the floor to catch any of the stray spray before exiting the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” You looked up to see Lucifer, sleepily propped up on one arm and clearly flabbergasted by your presence given his incredulous tone. You knew this was a gamble. Despite the rapport you had built, it hadn’t been nearly enough to confidently stampede into his personal space as you were; especially not actually knowing the situation and going off a hunch.

Yet you doubled down. “Oh, don’t mind me Luci babe. Chawlie said you weren’t answerin’ your texts or cawls so I figga’ed I’d check in. ‘specially since you haven't seemed quite right for a lil while.”

His brows shot skyward and he turned to grabbed his phone. Groaning as the time flashed up onto the screen. “I…missed the dinner…” he sounded defeated as he fell back into the bed, hand hanging off the side letting his phone fall to the floor.

“Yeah…yeah ya did.” Your voice was soft. You made your way closer to him, seeing he was still fully dressed. You didn’t see his shoes on the floor so you were guessing they were in the bed too. “That’sa problem for tamarrow though.”

“What are you doing here? Why are you in my room?” he growled, unmoving from his collapsed position.

“I told ya, cheeks,” you said pulling the blankets off of him, revealing you were right about the shoes, “I came up ta check in. Ya gawt me a little worried honestly. First ya was actin’ awff the last couple weeks and ta’day ya ghosted. If ya want though, I could get Chawlie.”

His head whipped to the side, his eyes wide before they narrowed. His voice deepening as he growled out, his horns poking through his skin and eyes flickering red as he pulled himself into and upright position, “Don’t. You. Dare.” 

The two of you stared at one another for a long moment. The sound of the shower running in the background masking the city sounds quietly wafting in on the breeze. The curtains softly rustling as they swayed, their shadows dancing across the floor. You give him a lopsided smile in an attempt to break the tension. He tore his gaze away from yours as his demonic features receded.

Slowly, you sat yourself down onto the edge of the bed. The frame creaking from the additional weight and the mattress sagging. Your hands found their way into your lap laying on top of one another as you pondered your next words for a moment. “My ma use ta get into a mood from time ta time. Couldn’t get outta bed. Didn’t care ta eat. Didn’t wanna go outside. She didn’t even like the t.v. or radio awn. Couldn’t pick up the book she had stawted an’ said she loved eitha. Best thing I could do for her was open the windas an’ get her into the showa. Clothes ‘n awll. She use ta say it made her feel a lil’ bit human just sittin’ an feelin’ the wata.” Lucifer’s face scrunched and he turned his head away. Plopping backwards onto the bed to bury his face into the pillow. Unwilling to admit how familiar all that sounded. 

“I know I’m bein’ pushy bein’ here. I can leave if ya want me ta though.” Your eyes locked onto the floor. You counted the breaths he took; each of them slow and even. When you counted 15, you slowly turned your head to look at him. You could only see a small portion of his face since he had turned away. You wondered if he had spent all the emotional energy he could muster on lashing out before.

He wasn’t defensive and he hadn’t sent you away. So you pushed. “Do ya wanna stand or sit in the showa?” 

His head turned enough for his eyes to pin you down, his face impassive now as he studied you. You let him ponder the question, as you reached out to gently pull off his boots. He rapidly blinked, sucking in a breath as he rallied another surge of energy only to be cut off. “I swear no funny bis’ness. I’m just takin’ awff what I can. Ya pants an’ shirt’ll stay awn.”

Slowly, Lucifer’s tension eased from his posture. You continued pulling off both of his boots, carefully setting them off to the side. You saw his hoofs and bit back a smile. Now wasn’t the time to gush about how cute this new aspect of him was. Not the time at all.

You scooted up the mattress, getting a better look at the condition he was truly in; his hair slicked back with grease, deep bags under his eyes, and his usual glowing skin seemed dulled. “I’m gonna sit ya up. ‘kay?” You waited a moment to let the idea grow on him before you slowly worked your hands under his back and brought him forward just enough you could undo and push back his jacket and subsequently his striped vest.

The whole time, he wouldn’t look at you. His eyes finding anywhere else to be. His lips pinched into a tight line. Yet he didn’t pull away. Didn’t make a move to get out of the bed on his own. Didn’t open his mouth to tell you to leave.

When you stood, his head started to turn towards you until you suddenly scooped him up to whisk him away from the bed -thanks monster strength!- catching him off guard. He didn’t struggle to be freed. After a moment, his head even tilted slightly to rest against your shoulder though it lulled forward to hide his face as you strode across the expanse of his room towards the bathroom oozing steam.

The mirror above the vanity had a thin layer of condensation across it, blurring the two of you which you figured was for the better. You turned, ensuring you maneuvered yourself so you nor him would hit off of anything, before you kicked off the heels from your feet and slipped one into the shower. Despite the throng of steam, it had erred on the cooler side which was better than too hot since you didn’t have a hand to spare. “I’m gonna sit ya da’hn unless ya wanna stand.”

“Sitting is fine.” he mumbled before you carefully, and rather awkwardly, lowered yourself and him to the floor of the tub with the showerhead raining water down across his chest. He shuddered at the temperature of the water, leading to hurried movements from you to increase the hot water in small increments. You figured you hit the sweet spot when he sighed out.

“Warma?” you asked softly and he shook his head from side to side as he leaned forward into the stream letting the water run down across his face and through his hair. He sighed again and slowly he pulled his knees up to his chest before his head tilted forward to rest his forehead on them. His arms slowly snaking around his legs to hold it all together. As the water ricocheted out of the tub, you were hesitant to move away. “You gonna be okay if I go swap the sheets out?”

Momentarily, he didn’t move. After a second though, he nodded his head. “Holla if ya need me.” you uttered standing up leaving the curtain drawn back. You made your way out of the bathroom and in a whirlwind had the sheets off bed and the pillows stripped of their cases. You had heard Niffty, or maybe it was Charlie -not that it mattered-, mentioned in the past that there were fresh sheets at the end of every hallway.

You peeked in on Lucifer, statuesque in his huddled position, before bolting out of the room to the end of the hallway, finding a closet packed with sheets. You took a whiff to make sure they didn’t smell musty before pulling out what looked like a set in the right size. You hurried back into the room and checked in on the unmoving Lucifer before beginning to make the bed. 

The endeavor took a few minutes but once you had the sheets done, the pillows re-sleeved, and his comforter back on the bed you slipped into the bathroom once more kneeling down next to him. His shirt, pants, and hair were all thoroughly soaked now. The thin fabric of his top clinging to his nearly matching skin tone, almost looking as if it had molded to his form. Everything about the moment making him look picturesque in a renaissance style way. 

 “Ya want me ta wash ya hair?” you asked softly pulling yourself from your observations, your arms resting on the damp side of the tub. Lucifer turned slightly to side eye you, processing the question, before he nodded. You looked at the space, quickly trying to formulate a plan. “Ya think ya can twist so ya back is against this side of the tub?” you asked, patting the side of the tub you were leaning against. “That way ya body can stay in the wata.”

He nodded again and slowly started to twist until he had pressed his back to the side of the tub near you with his feet propped against the opposing side. You reached for bottle of shampoo you noted in the corner of the tub as he adjusted and waited for him to get as comfortable as he could. He leaned back, letting his head hang over the edge looking back at you.

After getting enough soap to cover the palm of one hand, you gently touched the back of his neck with the other before cupping the base of his head. He held his head up, not relying on your hand. Slowly, you ran the soapy hand up from his neck towards the top of his head, sliding your hand over in small increments as you spread the soap through his hair making sure to get both sides of the head. Once you had spread the soap around, you began to message the soap into his hair in small circles. Carefully, using both hands to work the soap in with your fingertips making sure the soap thoroughly lathered. As you had started to message his scalp, you steadily felt the weight of his head baring down in your hands until you were entirely supporting his head. While it made it a little trickier to work, you didn’t say a thing and just continued with your task finding ways to work around it.

Once you were certain you had worked out most of the grease from the back and sides of his head, you lifted a soapy hand and placed it on the top of his head. Using your fingertips again, you began the circular motions again as you had before to work up a lather before moving your hand in a spiral motion from his crown outwards to spread the shampoo.

At some point you had started humming as you worked. A nameless song. One you had heard in passing and only recalled the melody of. It had been a happier song from what you could vaguely recall but, your humming came out in a lower octave. The once airy tune taking on a more melenonic and ethereal air. One that unintentionally fit the current mood far better.

As you began to finish up working with his hair, your humming tapered off. A subtle shift. “Awlright, time to rinse Luci babe.” the whispered words just audible over the water. He hummed, his eyes fluttering open. You gently propped his head up, letting him gather his bearings before you pulled away just enough so she could twist himself back into his prior position under the stream of pelting water; knees to chest, forehead to knees, arms around his legs, with closed eyes.

“I’m gonna run m’hand through you’re hair.” you announce, giving him a moment before reaching forward to do just that. Your hand squeegeeing the shampoo from his locks as you ran it over his scalp again and again until he was free of suds. You did it a few extra times for good measure though before you pulled away.

With your drier hand, you reached for another towel to dab off your arm and hand before standing up and looking around for a bathrobe. You knew not everyone had one but, considering his usual self, you figured there was a chance he might. You opened the small closet in the bathroom to no avail before helping yourself to the closet in his bedroom. Thankfully, once you opened the door a beautifully royal red robe, with an embroidered gold L over the heart, revealed itself to you hanging by a hook on the back of the door.

 Re-entering the bathroom, you kneeled down to Lucifer’s level. “It’s time ta get aut. Now, I gawt’cha robe… so I was thinkin’ I’d get’cha stood up an put it ova ya shouldas. From there, if ya hold awn ta it I’ll unbutton ya shirt an pants. Then I’ll take ova holdin’ the robe if ya can shuck awff the wet cloths. I’ll take ya back ta bed afta. Kay?”

He gave a lethargic nod and the events proceeded fairly close to how you had described them. Getting him standing had been easy though unbuttoning his shirt and pants had been more of a pain than you had anticipated. Your awkward fumbling leaving your cheeks slightly tinged a rosey hue despite your usual callousness to all things sexual or physically intimate. It hadn’t seemed to phase him thankfully, though you were certain he was spent since his eyes had remained closed through the entirety of your fumbling. The disposing of his clothes, bundling him up in his robe, and getting him back was effortless. You had even managed to grab the last towel and laid it down on his pillow before laying him down and tucking him in.

As you finished getting him sorted, you glanced at the plate of food gone to waste on the nightstand. “I’d like ta see ya eat some’in but, I know I awlraedy put ya through the ringa. Is there anythin’ you really want right now?” 

You looked around the room as you gave him a moment, figuring you could close a majority of the windows back up and draw the curtains again. A decent night of sleep might help and he didn’t need hell’s sound pollution soiling it. Before you could move to take action you heard him finally respond. “Hum that song again.”

You blink and looked back to him seeing his eyes cracked open as he looked at you. “The one from earlia?”

He responded with a slow nod. It made you let out a breathy laugh before you started up the tune. As you hummed, you flitted over to the windows and closed all but one of them. Drawing the curtains back again to darken the room. The open window giving a little life to the curtain hiding it as it pushed and pulled it in a tidal motion while blocking some of the obnoxious city sounds.

You returned to the bathroom, cleaning up the pools of water as best you could with the towel you had haphazardly cast to the floor. Once you were certain the floor would dry on its own, you wrung out the towel in the tub as best you could before hanging it up and taking your leave of that room for the final time turning off the light.

All the while you continued to hum the melody on repeat; sometimes adding notes here or there, playing with the vibrato, or drawing out notes to give different pacing. Not all of the vocal playing worked in your favor but your audience didn’t seem to mind. He looked as though he had fallen asleep. His breathing even and his head having lulled to the side on the pillow.

You contemplated taking your leave. Your presence didn’t seem to be needed any further if he had been able to fall asleep though, you hesitated. Your humming quieted to a whisper and then died off. Shortly after, you heard a soft ‘hm?’ from Lucifer. 

The melody began again and you made your way over to the far side of the bed. Slowly, you lowered yourself to the edge and began making yourself comfortable. You sat down with your back propped up against the headboard and shifted a pillow this way or that before grabbing your phone and turning it on silent. Thankfully you didn’t have work today and if anyone from the hotel asked, you had gone back to your room for the night. You then placed it in your lap with your hands overtop of it. Your head falling back against the headboard watching the sway of the curtains as you zoned into the rhythm. The warm gusts of air caressing the both of you, beckoning you into an entranced momentary haze before eventually succumbing to slumber.

[writingshushf1]

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

Summary: the one where going back to your hometown is never a good idea.

Rating: +18

Warnings: pure angst (w/ a happy ending), derogatory language, psychological trauma, negligent parents, mentions of abuse, anxiety, depression, mentions of teen pregnancy, ab*rtion, self-harm, addiction and ending your own life

Word count: 8.5k

Note: it’s a very loooong and heavy fic, all the possible triggers are mentioned above, so please see them before you read this one, because it has a lot of uncomfy moments. I wrote it originally around christmas (so themed fanfic?), also available in my ao3.

masterlist

The cold wind whipped against her body and she shivered slightly, the city was colder than expected. She looked around, people walking, chatting; she knew most of them, many had not changed at all since leaving the city for a better life. Since the day she finished high school, she swore she would never set foot in that city again, yet there she was. The only cousin she still considered family, recently had her second child, so the relative begged her to spend some time together; as she was busy, the only time off she could extend was precisely during the holidays.

Going back to that city gave her the creeps, she didn't like to remember everything she'd been through here. Still, she would never deny a request coming from her cousin, since whenever her relative had time, she would go visit her in London.

Her story was a complicated one. A high school plagued with problems at home - her parents never stopped fighting and consequently all the marital problems reflected on her, physically and psychologically. Several times she wished the world would take her away from that suffering. Not only that, but inside the school she was excluded, considered as stupid and someone who would not have a promising future, as a girl who only served the body, since the mind was empty. Boys cheated on their girlfriends with her, turned her into an inside joke, while girls hated her for everything. It was all jokes and games until she got pregnant when she was 16. Her parents freaked out, Christmas that year was terrible, her father's screams were so loud that the neighbours could hear his swearing.

She managed to get to London, going to a public clinic and begging the secretary to have the procedure done without her parents' permission, then she would just use the excuse of having had a miscarriage. That night on December 24th, sitting on the curb, looking at the Christmas lights in the big city, she had promised she would live there.

Until she turned eighteen, she tried to be erased from other people's memories of the city, just doing the school-home commute, doing all the endless chores demanded by her father - since her mother was too busy with her face stuffed into a glass of wine, and making enough money to get out of there through nights working as a cleaner at the roadside diner. It wasn't glorious, her past still ached in her heart, having this profound journey when you're only a teenager had scarred her life. Her cousin, Rosie, was still the light at the end of the tunnel in all this chaos she could call her past; the one who paid for her train tickets to the capital had been her, the one who fetched her from unpleasant encounters with boys who purposefully sought her out for an easy fuck, the one who fought with men for harassing her, the one who was there when she tried to take her own life and stood by her hospital bed while she became an even bigger laughing stock, not only among her peers but also in her entire family, who proudly pushed her away from everything they could.

So going back to that epicentre of her traumas was what she was doing for her cousin, a way of thanking her for everything she had done to keep her alive.

In 12 years, a person can change a lot; her hair was no longer in its natural colour, her body was strong, her head held high and the confidence that was built in many intense therapy sessions; plus an overcoming of an addiction. Some people recognised her on the street, with shocked expressions at seeing her dressed so well, others ignored as soon as she said hello and there were also those who pulled nasty conversations - obviously those who peaked in high school and were now in mediocre jobs. She responded with the utmost happiness, being in a job that valued her and still paid well was a difficult thing these days.

The woman parked her bike in front of her cousin's house, looking around, the houses were still the same, just some renovations or painting. That feeling of panic started to hover, her old house was across the street, right in front of her cousin's house. She took a few seconds to remove her helmet and grab her backpack, walking in dragging steps down the driveway, knocking on the door lightly. Nobody answered, how strange. She sighed loudly, looking at the time on her mobile phone, she was probably shopping. She walked slowly and sat on the steps, watching the movement on the street; she sent some messages to Rosie, who answered, apologising for the wait, but the line at the supermarket was huge.

Suddenly, a black Mercedes stopped there, almost crushing her bike. She stood up quickly, to check if there was any damage, ready to curse the reckless driver. A dark-skinned man with braided hair and fancy clothes stepped out of the driver's side, looking straight at her and walking calmly towards her - which made the woman's blood boil even more.

"Oy! Sorry for almost messing up your bike, I didn't mean to."

"Mate, you're lucky nothing happened." She retorted, looking the motorbike up and down.

"Oh... Okay, you don't need to get mad at me." He raised his arms and she rolled her eyes.

Before they could continue their conversation, Rosie parked her car, flashing a smile at the sight of her. She ran over and hugged her tight, which removed her tough-guy composure in front of the stranger. The older woman looked at the man who was standing there, who was waiting for the other man's answer, for a few seconds they stood still, until the owner of the other car went to him, hugging the man, who smiled and kissed her cheek back.

“Lewis freaking Hamilton, you’re back home!” The blond said to him. “The only time of the year we can actually see each other. I bloody missed you.”

“Me too. Fancy a cuppa?” He said, letting her go.

“Oh! I- I don’t know! My cousin just arrived and I need to set her down, right?” Rosie looked at her, circling her short arms around her younger cousin’s shoulders. “Maybe tomorrow! You and bring your niece and nephew, Bandit will love to have a playdate with them.”

“Deal.”

They dispersed, with the women going to the eldest house, while Hamilton headed to his parents' house.

Rosie's house was cosy, family photos on the walls, very colourful and well decorated. The blonde showed around, finally showing the room she would be staying in; there were a couple of clean towels, soap, shampoo and conditioner on top of a neatly made bed. The room was smelly and well lit, even if it was small, it gave a feeling of comfort.

"You can go pack your things, I'll start dinner. Jam is with the baby, he's gone for a routine doctor's appointment and will pick Bandit up from school later." She placed a hand on her cousin's shoulder. "Thank you for being here, you don't know how grateful I am to welcome you into my home."

"Only you could bring me to this place again."

They both cracked a warm smile, with the older one walking off and leaving the girl alone with her thoughts. She grabbed one of the towels, the toiletries and went to shower in the en suite bathroom. After undressing, she spent a few seconds staring at her body in the mirror, the scars across her torso that revealed her past, the stretch marks along her breasts and belly that hid a story she preferred to keep to herself. She took a boiling bath, letting the water do its effect and easing the pain in her back from driving on the motorbike all day. When she got out, she had only the fluffy towel wrapped around her body, she walked over to the bed, opening her backpack and pulling out a sweatshirt and trousers, she was too distracted by what she was going to wear to notice that her window faced the neighbour's window - which was consequently the room where Lewis Hamilton was staying and in the same situation as she was, with a towel around his waist after a hot shower, choosing a comfortable outfit. They both raised their heads at the same moment, exchanging a few seconds of eye contact, which was soon broken by the girl pulling back the curtain of her window. The man was visibly intrigued, his cheeks reddened by the intimate moment with the stranger.

In parallel, she went to dinner with her cousin and her family, while he had fun with his family, his niece and nephew running around the house.

…...................................................

During the afternoon tea they arranged, Rosie hosted not only for Hamilton, but also his entire family. The Londoner knew him very well, they were the same age, went to the same school from kindergarten to high school; she didn't know where to stick her face, her parents would recognise her too, she was a big topic among the adults in town. She tried to keep calm the whole moment, focusing her attention on Bandit, who called her to play together with the other children, she would surely thank him later, probably giving her some exaggerated and expensive gift. When it was time to eat, she walked further behind the children, helping her cousin set the table for afternoon tea, avoiding looking her neighbours in the face. She sat down next to the little boy who saved her skin, helping him serve himself and soon after putting food on his plate. She hated eating with strangers, however she would try her best for Rosie.

"I feel like I know you." one of Hamilton's sisters said to the woman.

"You probably do, this town is small and we are always bumping into each other." She shrugged.

His sisters seemed to have recognised the girl, however they kept quiet on that subject for the rest of the day.

By the time night was coming on, it was just her and Hamilton, sitting on the front steps of the house. The silence was not awkward, much less uncomfortable, it seemed they understood each other without any words being exchanged.

"Sorry about yesterday, I was a brat with you, mate." She said low.

"Nah, it's alright, I guess you're just a bit of a crikey... As my teammate would say it." He cracked a smile, as a result she lightly slapped his arm, which earned a laugh from both of them. The silence lasted a few more seconds after they stopped laughing, then he broke it. "My half-sisters know you."

"Yeah? One of them commented today, but we didn't follow up on it."

"They told me some things that got me gutted." Oh no, here it comes. The judgement, the past mistakes being brought on by this guy you barely knew.

"What did they say?"

"Well... We already knew a little about your parents, but they told me how you were treated in high school." She felt a wave of emotions invade her body, she didn't know whether to start swearing at him, or cry, or run far away. "It wasn't fair." Lewis said low, wiggling his fingers in each other's. "And I'm sorry my sisters never did anything to prevent it."

"It's not their fault those people were a bunch of arses." She stood, ready to go inside.

"Hey, wait!" He stood as well, holding her wrist so she couldn't leave, pulling her against his body in a warm hug. She closed her eyes, feeling the embrace, it was so good to just let it go.

They kept hugging for a while, him running his fingers through her back and she was squeezing the fabric of his hoodie.

“Tomorrow, there will be the Christmas event downtown, want to come with me? A lot of people from my former friend group will be there.” He said. “If you don’t want to, it’s okay, there will be people you know from your high school too, but I would love to have a good company so I can be there sober.” He chuckled at the end, to make the request lighter.

The ask came with a shock, they knew each other for 48 hours and he seemed so comfortable to be with her. She also felt amazing, the way he listened and cared about his relatives, during the afternoon he would often check on the kids, bring them snacks, then talk with the women about the most varied subjects, which made her question what he worked on. Lewis looked hopeful, waiting for a response.

“Okay, only because you’re a good one, but if people start giving me the shits, we’ll leave and for revenge, you’ll watch the Grinch with me; because I’m his reeincarnation and it’s the best coping mechanism.”

“Oh. So you hate Christmas?” He was way focused on the details then the overall request.

“Of course, bad things always happen on this daft holiday.”

“So my job is to make you see like I do. The past is already gone, we should celebrate the present and hope for the future, darling.”

“So I’ll wait for tomorrow night to be the best of my life?” She teased, feeling her heart beating faster than usual.

“It will be, trust me.”

…............................................

She was getting ready, happier and more nervous than usual, she wanted to look good, obviously the motive didn't pass through her mind. Rosie was walking down the corridor, but stopped when she smelled the citrusy perfume in her guest’s bedroom; the woman smiled, looking at her cousin, who was putting some makeup on.

“Ooh, getting fancy? For whom may I ask?” The older one leaned on the door frame.

“Lewis invited me to go to the Christmas event, he doesn’t want to go alone, maybe people won’t bother him as much.” She answered, grabbing her purse and fixing her beanie.

“Right.” Her irony could be spotted from miles away. “A smoking hot single guy asking you to go out with him in a sorta romantic setting is just because he doesn’t want to be surrounded by people from his past.”

“Rosie… Shut up! We’re going as friends and if it’s too daft, he’ll be forced to watch Grinch with me.”

“Not romantic, at all.” She chuckled and the doorbell rang. “It’s your prince charming!”

“I swear to God, you’re such an arse!” The girl ran downstairs right after the blonde one, seeing that she was talking with him, so the younger one stopped on her tracks, smiling nervously.

“There you are.” Lewis said, with his beautiful bright smile. “Looking amazing, love.” She walked towards him, smacking his arm slightly.

“You’re so cheeky.”

“And you’re lovely.” He responded, hooking their arms together. “Let’s go before we get late.”

They waved at Rosie, going to his car.

….................................................................

“I’m nervous.” She said, playing with her ring. “People still look at me weird.”

“It’s horrible.” He sighed. “I know my situation is way different from yours, but I understand this feeling, those racist pricks who talked shit and said I would never be a successful driver and here I am.”

“Oh… Really?” She put a hand on his shoulder slightly, squeezing it before lowering to her thigh again. “This must be a very silly question to you…”

“What?”

“A driver? Hum… I know I’ve seen your face somewhere but, what do you do? I mean... Driver?” Her cheeks were bright red.

“Formula One driver.” He smirked, it was a nice change to go out with someone that wasn’t interested in his fame or fortune, a woman that wanted him for him, his company, his odd sense of humour and a lot of style.

“Oy. That’s why.” She chuckled. “You must be really good then.”

“Seven titles and counting.” His cheekiness made her stomach flutter. “How about you?”

“I work on the creating process of a clothing brand for kids. It’s nice and colourful, my office? Full of stuffed toys, different wallpapers, one day I’ll show you.” She was proud about her work, it was something that made her happy, connected with a part of her life that she had lost and it was a good salary.

“I would love to.” He parked his car. “The way you talk about it, it’s lovely.”

They got out of the car and quickly he hooked her arm with his, walking through the closed street of the city centre. Immediately she felt the eyes on them, people whispering and trying to be discreet while taking pictures of them. He looked at her with a reassuring smile, muttering ‘everything is going to be okay’. Some kids ran to him, asking for pictures, which he happily complied, hugging them and taking his time with them while she was standing a bit further, cracking a smile on how gentle he was. However, things weren't perfect, so when she looked at the parents of the kid, her smile fell; the woman slowly came closer to her, saying her name.

“The one and only.” She answered, uncomfortable.

“I haven't seen you since…”

“We’ve finished high school. A long time ago.”

“Oh… Yeah.” The ginger was checking her from head to toe, with a disgusted expression. “You changed a lot.”

“London does wonders to you.” She joked, passing her hand around her neck, looking away. “Anyway! You stayed here?”

“Yeah, me and Rob went to university in the neighbouring city and then came back, we got married and had our beautiful boys.” Oh wow, how cliche. “And you?”

“Got out of here and tried. Failed a couple of times…” She chuckled, looking at Hamilton. “And now working in the creative process of…” She saw the kids come back, excitedly from meeting their idol and she immediately noticed the brand of their jackets. “The brand your kids are using right now.”

Lewis walked back at her, putting his hand on her shoulder, analysing the situation and seeing her slightly uncomfortable.

“Impressive.” The passive-aggressiveness in her voice was enough for the British man.

“Well, I’m very sorry to interrupt the chat, but we have to keep going if we want to get the best hot chocolate before it’s over.” He put the other hand on her shoulder, slightly massaging it. “Maybe we’ll have another free time to catch up.” With that, he held her hand pulled away from the couple, waving goodbye to the kids.

“Thank you.” She murmured and he held her hand stronger than before.

He stopped at the hot chocolate booth, buying for both of them and they kept walking. They didn’t know when they intertwined their fingers or started to walk closer, sharing small smiles and more intimate conversations, although none of them wanted this moment to stop. The beautiful stage prepared for the local band to play was ready and people started to gather around. Hamilton insisted on buying some street food for both of them to share while they listened to the mayor talk and all the boring speeches.

More judgmental looks from people were shot at them and she recognized all of them, which hurt more than expected. When the music started to play, the man let his body loose, moving with the rhythm and she got closer to him, letting Lewis pass his hands around her waist and rest his head on her shoulder, looking at the stage. She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in and out, feeling the things around her, the sounds and the smells; she knew herself too much to know she was close to a panic attack, not because of him, but all the situations since they got out of the car.

“Alright, love?” He whispered.

“Bit rubbish, but I’ll be fine.”

He hugged her closer, leaning his forehead against the side of her head, murmuring the lyrics and swaying in a slow pace. It was good, she still let her eyes closed, calming herself down; he was just the best to be around. She lowered her hands, putting on top of his and caressing slowly, the feeling of it was nice, his cold rings against the warm skin. At her head, the words of Rosie before the date repeated over and over, that it was an actual date and he didn’t invite her only as a friend. They only backed off from each other to clap when the band was finishing, now some regional singers would be up and people were more interested. The passionate looks between them were so intense that they took a time to see someone calling for her name; she got out of the trance, whispering ‘fuck’ a few times, before putting a fake smile.

“I thought you were dead or something, you vanished from earth.” the brunette smiled.

“I moved out. London.” She looked at Lewis, who held her hand. He was already in flight or fight mode.

“Wow, I never thought someone like you would do so…” The woman dragged the ‘o’ while looking at the driver. “Well in life. At least get someone as incredible as Sir Hamilton.”

The brunette’s partner approached them too, with whatever he went to grab to his noisy girlfriend. Oh shit. She felt like she was sixteen again, the guy who was already in university and went after a sixteen year old girl because women of age wouldn’t want to be with him, nevertheless got her knocked up by lying to her. She held Lewis’ hand tighter, looking at him and back at them.

“Hey! You.” The guy pointed at her. “It’s been a while.” He smiled, looking at his partner. “Hamilton! I haven't seen you since the big school reunion… It was what? In 2018.”

“Yeah, long time, mate.” He said, trying to maintain as neutral as possible.

“I didn’t think you would be with someone… You didn’t seem the relationship type of person.” The guy said, sipping on his drink. “Because, you know… Your… History.”

The driver was close to beating that man up, however he knew the girl holding his hand, almost crying, would not like the attention, so he got closer to her, running his thumb around her hand, trying to calm both of them down.

“I’m sorry! Uhm… Sometimes Patrick doesn’t shut up.” She tugged at him with his arm. “He likes to keep honest, right?” Of course she would stand by him. “I mean, you had quite a bad reputation…”

“You can say it.” The girl in a verge of tears said, taking a deep breath. “You kept your whole adolescence saying it. It won’t hurt you, I know that.”

“Fine.” The brunette crossed her arms. “I hope you really knew about this Sir.” She looked at Hamilton. “But this lovely girl with you was the biggest whore in our high school and it wasn’t just rumours, she even got knocked up and claimed that lost the baby. So if I was you I would stay away, she’s just into your money and body.”

Lewis didn’t answer, just pulled his girl away and walked to his car again, trying to not call as much attention as that horrible couple already tried. Meanwhile, her head was low, no response, just some sniffles; her head was full of different voices saying all the horrible words she heard during high school, the rumours and how they treated her in that time. It was the first time in years that she felt the need to drink herself into forgetting her own name. The dark-skinned man opened the car door for her, but before he did, he lifted her face with his fingers, seeing her eyes glistening from tears; his first reaction was to take her in his arms, hugging her gently, running his fingers through her hair as the woman held back her crying. He kept holding her for a few minutes, until she broke away from the hug, sitting on the car seat, looking at him and murmuring 'thank you', in reaction, he kissed her forehead, closing the door and going to the driver's side.

The drive home was quiet, only the radio filling the silence of the car. The worried glances from the driver left her even more cringed in her seat. When he parked in the garage of his family's house, he made a point of getting out of the car first to open the door for her and escort her to her cousin's house. She hadn't said a word yet, much less acted beyond walking, so he pressed the doorbell and saw Rosie's worried look settle on both of them, yet she hurried off to her room, not even saying goodbye to their date.

"What happened?" The older woman's expression was serious.

"People from her past. They were horrible, no matter how hard she tried to be nice.... I pulled her out of a conversation before it got any worse and brought her back." He bowed his head, he was disappointed in himself, he had planned a nice date and hoped to see her smiling, enjoying life and leaving the bad feelings the city left in her. "I should have protected her, but I didn't want to make a scene. I know she would have hated being the centre of attention again. More than she already would have been for hanging out with me."

"Lew..." Rosie put her hand on his shoulder. "I know you just wanted to have a nice night out with her.... I know what you see in her. Don't give up, just... The people in this town can be the worst."

"That's exactly why I left here." He muttered.

"Well, she commented on the Grinch movie before she went out with you."

"Oh! Yeah, in case the night was bad, but I imagine she doesn't want to watch it now."

"Come in. Go into the bedroom and ask about the movie. She doesn't want to be alone."

He walked slowly up the stairs, he was nervous, afraid of what her reaction would be to him being there, somehow invading her personal space. Lewis took a deep breath before knocking on the bedroom door at the end of the hall.

"Not now, Rosie..." The woman said in a tearful voice.

"It's me, love." He said low and the door was suddenly opened.

She had her make-up all smeared on, now wearing a sweatshirt twice her size, pyjama trousers and slippers. The pilot stood leaning against the door frame, watching her.

"I remember you talking about Grinch..." He watched her expression soften, making room for him to enter.

He removed his coat, cap and shoes, sitting on the edge of the bed. She handed him a pair of slippers, before sitting down next to him.

"I don't know where the TV control is." She said.

"So... Go clean your face, take that makeup off, even take a shower if you have to, and I'll get Rosie to help me find it. And also for her to make some tea, bring some snacks and we'll watch the movie together. The two of us or she can come watch it with us and we'll be here..." He wiped the tears that were falling from her face. "To be with you. You can cry, feel angry, feel sad.... We will listen and take you in."

"You don't exist." He laughed, a little confused. "Seriously, Lewis, you just took me in.... Even though people are telling me about my past."

"But I'm seeing you from now, a woman who bloody loves her job, her cousin to the point of coming to the place that gave her trauma to be with her, someone brave who never gave up on what she wanted. Someone amazing that people insist on hurting." She hugged him one more time before he got up and went after Rosie, who was anxiously waiting at the edge of the stairs.

"Alright?"

"Where's the TV remote?" He asked.

"In the second drawer in the desk."

"The three of us are going to watch Grinch." The man smiled. "We just need a cuppa and get some snacks."

Rosie chatted with her husband and kissed him goodnight before packing everything up by the pilot and heading to the room where her cousin was. They put the movie on the television, with the younger girl lying in the middle of the two of them. Rosie hugged her, running her fingers between strands of her hair, while Hamilton felt his hand being pulled by the girl, leaving her back against his right leg. He knew she wasn't paying that much attention, from feeling her fingers wander through his rings, so he squeezed account of her fingers, seeing the smile that appeared on the woman’s face.

They ended up sleeping all scrunched up together before the half of the movie.

….................................................

When morning came, Lewis left a note on the table next to her mobile phone, written.

"hey, had to go home, text me when you wake up. your cousin has my number. - Love, LH"

It was December 24th, Christmas Eve. She woke up around noon, alone in bed. The girl didn't want to get up as soon as she remembered all the humiliation of the day before, being called a slut in front of the man she was having a chance to have something with. She sighed loudly, getting up and going after her mobile phone, finding his note. A smile appeared on her lips, he was the best person she could have ever met.

After putting on some comfortable clothes, she went downstairs and made herself a cup of tea, soon hearing the front stall open and Bandit rushing over to her. The woman cracked a smile and took the boy in her arms, watching Rosie with the baby and Jamie with the groceries.

“Oh, look who’s up! Good morning.” The husband smiled, leaving the groceries on the table.

“Oy, Jams.” She smiled, getting her nephew a cup of water.

“How are you feeling, darling?” Rosie said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Better.” She sighed. “By the way, do you have his number?”

“Oh, someone is fancying Lewis?” Jamie asked, putting the groceries away.

“Maybe. But don’t be cheeky, we’re just trying our luck, okay?”

“Sure! But he’s buff! And tidy.”

“You’re so cheesy, baby.” Rosie kissed him on the cheek.

She got his number and by 2pm, she laid on the bed, texting him.

oi! It’s me ;)

lh: me who?

lh: jk

lh: good to know you went after my number

after yesterday?

i would be an arse if i didn’t

lh: ok

lh: you have a point

anyway

thanks for yesterday, even if it didn’t go as you planned

i’m happy

you’re the kindest

lh: anything for you

maybe we could go out again?

before new years?

lh: i would love to

but maybe a home date

nothing in public

not wanting to repeat yesterday's horror

lh: agreed

The day was very quiet, they stayed at home and prepared everything that would be needed in the evening and on the 25th, being with the couple was such a relaxing thing, they were amazing people who were always available for a chat and were grateful that she was so committed to helping them. During the afternoon she played with her nephew in the backyard, making a snowman, snow angels and a little snowball war. Even though the day marked more than one bad memory in her life, she would not let it hold her back, for she is living in her present and not in the past.

From afar, she could also see Lewis playing with his niece and nephew inside the house. The woman cracked a smile at that, waving to him as soon as the man noticed.

Meanwhile, Hamilton had just stopped playing with the children, making his way to the kitchen and watching his half-sisters chatting. He grabbed a cup of tea and sat down at the table, picking up his mobile phone and trying not to pay attention to their conversation until they decided to include him.

"So you went out with her?" One asked.

"We heard some rubbish things. Of you walking out of the middle of a conversation and pulling her along."

"And that you didn't want to hear what they were saying about her."

"They called her a slut." He replied, not taking his eyes off his phone.

"Well..."

"People change." He shrugged. "She didn't want to go out downtown. She hates Christmas and those stuff, but she still went with me and people were fucking arseholes to her." The pilot sighed, remembering the image from the night before, her running into the bedroom, her face wet from tears. "She doesn't deserve this nonsense hate that her old classmates have for her."

"You didn't spend the night at home." They changed the subject before he got too angry.

"Yeah? And?"

"You were with her?"

"Yes. Rosie and I lay with her and watched a movie, she slept cuddled in the middle of us." He took a deep breath, leaving his cup in the sink. "She's changed. She's a grown woman who still bloody suffers from everything she's done, but at least she's managed to get back on her feet and live her life."

He left the kitchen, going to the back of the house.

From then on, days 24 and 25 passed quickly, as did days 26 and 27 and soon Hamilton knew he should be heading back to London, there would be a New Year's Eve party with other drivers at Russell's house and he had been invited. An idea popped into his head and soon he was in front of Rosie's house, ringing the bell. The woman's husband answered.

"Lewis! You can come in! The girls are in the kitchen." He cracked a playful smile. "I know who you're after."

"Jam... Mate, I swear..." He cracked a smile too, slapping his shoulder twice before walking quickly to the kitchen.

When he saw the scene, his heart started beating faster. She was dirty with flour as she made cookies with her nephew, her smile was huge and the boy's laughter could be heard from afar. Rosie was holding her daughter as she turned up the music. The Londoner was having her movie moment, the soft laughter, the wonderful family and a man who loved her watching from afar.

"Oi! Am I interrupting something?" The dark-skinned man said, walking slowly.

"You can come in!" Rosie said with a smile, as the other woman tried to clean herself up.

"Can we talk?" He said as he got close to the younger woman; she removed her apron and they walked out into the yard through the kitchen door, the tension in her could be seen from afar, so he held both of her hands, standing very close to her. "Calm down, it's nothing bad."

"I always hope for the worst."

"With me, it's always for the best." They both smiled before he took a deep breath and looked at her. "I'm going back to London tomorrow, I need to sort some things out.... But that's beside the point. I've been invited to a New Year's Eve party by my teammate and I was wondering if you wanted to go as my date."

"Oh. Lewis, that's... I don't know if I have the right clothes for the occasion!" She laughed softly, placing her hand on his cheek. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! I want to introduce you to people who will love you, who will treat you nicely and see that you deserve nothing but the best." He put his hands around her waist. "And don't worry about clothes that I can manage."

"I'd love to go with you." The woman kissed his cheek. "I'd have to talk to Rosie, though. But I don't think she'd be mad, she's the best and as soon as she can, she's going to spend a weekend in London with me."

"I can't wait to see you in a gala dress. You’ll look so lush." He murmured, bringing his face closer with hers. It was an automatic movement, like muscle memory, their noses already brushing against each other from their faces being so close. A little more and they'd be with their lips together, however a loud Rosie saying that the cookies would burn broke the mood, making them both laugh before heading back inside.

Hamilton was invited to spend the day at their house, which he didn't refuse as he felt very comfortable with his family. The two's passionate glances could be seen from afar by Rosie and James, who were smiling, as if they were playing cupid. They might have spent the whole day on the outskirts of the house, without revisiting other places in the town or buying different things at the local market, but for them, they didn't have to, because each other's company was already enough.

When Hamilton left, the designer was cornered by her cousin and her husband - who were certainly far more invested in everything than she was.

"You guys spent all day together and no kiss? Nothing?" Rosie said in exasperation.

"It's just that we spent the whole day with you guys."

"You could have disappeared and we wouldn't have given a shit, you're a couple in love!" Exclaimed James.

"We're not a couple."

"Yet."

She laughed low, running her hand over her face. "Anyway... I'm leaving tomorrow." She could see the sadness in their gaze. "I'm going back with Lewis, he invited me to a dinner party with his friends. We're spending the new year together." Their reaction was squealing and hugging the girl.

"Then we'll pack your bag and tomorrow morning you'll be waiting for him and you can be at peace together in London. Without horrible people and privacy." The older woman put her hands

on her cousin's shoulders, pushing her up to her room.

…

December 31, 2022. Last day of the year. She was sitting on the floor, the day started badly, she managed to break a plate when she went to make breakfast, cutting her palm. Then the shower wasn't getting hot, then the heel she had separated to wear that night, broke just as she decided to test it. And to make matters worse, it had been 5 years since she had drunk herself to the point where she couldn't stand up and tried to take her own life. Her head was leaning against the bed, mobile phone in hand, part of her wanted to cancel tonight's plans and hide under the covers until the first of next year. Slowly she dialled the pilot's number, listening to the sound of the call until he answered.

“Hey, love. Alright?”

“No. Everything went wrong.” She murmured.

He was going out with his fellow driver friends, they really needed someone to pick their outfits for tonight, however, when he heard her voice, so low and weepy, he walked from them to a quieter place.

“What happened?”

“I cut my hand, my shower stopped working, the heel I was going to wear tonight also broke and to top it all off, today is not a day with very good memories…”

“Hey… This must be very frustrating.” He said in a soft tone.

“It is.” She sobbed, passing a hand in her face to wipe the tears away.

“Okay, how about… I can get a new shoe for you and I can also pick you up… So you’ll get ready with me for the party.”

“That sounds good… I live close to Green Park station.”

“I’m at Picadilly… Pretty close, so as soon as we finish here, I’ll pick you up. Okay, love?”

“Okay.” She smiled.

“Because they don't have any fashion sense.” They chuckled together before hanging up.

She took a deep breath before getting up again, looking at herself in the mirror, even if she was going to go and get ready at Lewis' house, she couldn't look like that. Slowly, she packed her make-up and an extra outfit into a backpack, then put on a nicer outfit; she also washed her face and put on some perfume - it didn't matter if she was going to shower later and would have to reapply, what mattered was to be smelling good for him. He asked if she could go to the shop he was in. He wanted to know if the heel would fit her, so he walked there. As that boutique catered to more famous people, everything was more discreet and safe, no one could see from the outside what was going on inside, so neither of them would have to worry about people snooping in their lives.

She walked in and was impressed at how beautiful the place was, even feeling underdressed there. Hamilton walked over to her and greeted her with a hug, leaving a kiss on her cheek. He led her over to where some of his friends were, introducing her to the others, before getting straight to the point about which shoe she thought was the best. They took a while to choose which one would be ideal, but they managed to agree on a model.

When they arrived at his mansion, the man took her directly to the large bathroom of his master bedroom, leaving her free to shower and get ready while he went to his wardrobe, which also had a bathroom.

Later, when he was ready, he went to where she was, getting jaw dropped to see her, the purple dress had been perfect on her body, her hair was loose and she wore the jewels that he had separated especially for her. Noticing that he was watching her, she cracked a silly smile, walking over to him and putting her arms around his neck, thanking him for everything and that she had no words to say how amazing he was, from welcoming her to being willing to introduce his friends to her. They drove off with his driver, so the journey was quiet to George Russell's mansion.

As she entered, she felt the distinctive atmosphere of the place, people had no idea who she was - and that made her so relieved. During the first few hours, she was introduced to his friends, made short conversations and took a few sips of water. She was more focused on how he introduced her, as his partner and also said how amazing her work was. When he reached his friends, now mostly with their respective girlfriends, she felt calmer, seeing other women also taking the same seat she was in. The girls joined in and the bomb of questions - completely respectful, began.

"Where did you two meet?"

"What's he like?"

"He is the one who fell in love first?

The personal questions were answered, but every time it got into the relationship thing, she just said they were taking it slow, taking their time.

Meanwhile, Hamilton was being questioned by his friends - and even Toto had entered the conversation. They were already more playful, wanting to know more spicy aspects. The driver laughed at the haste they were in to find out - besides having Sebastian Vettel with a 'where did I go wrong?' expression, which earned even more laughs.

"We haven't even kissed yet." The older man confessed.

Even more questions surfaced.

"We haven't had a moment together... That's all. I want to take things the right way, she deserves only the best from me."

"And that's how you win a woman, boys." Vettel added and the group burst into laughter.

It was almost midnight, everyone with glasses of champagne except her, at first Lewis hadn't noticed, but the moment he saw it, he handed his own over and was ready to look for another.

"I don't drink, Lew." She said close to his ear.

"Sorry." He took the cup back.

"Five years. Today." The pilot turned his face close to hers, surprised.

"Wow…"

"Actually, it's January first, but I prefer to count it as today."

Then he quickly left his cup with a waiter, putting his hands around her waist, leaving a kiss on her shoulder. The action left her confused, it was okay in case he wanted to drink, it wasn't his problem.

"I'm not going to drink. I want to be able to enjoy your kiss."

Before she could answer, the countdown was on.

5

4

3

2

1

Happy New Year!

She didn't wait for him to speak or do anything, she just pulled her body against his, bringing their lips together in a passionate kiss, passing her tongue into his lips until he opened his mouth to reciprocate it properly, letting their tongues move together in a rhythm. His hands went to her waist, caressing the spot and pulling her even closer. The kiss ended with little pecks and goofy smiles.

“I waited so long for this.” He murmured against her ear.

“Me too…”

They ended up calling for an early night, saying they were too tired and she had to work the next day - it was a lie, she would only be back on January 2nd. Soon they were laying in bed, cuddling.

“I’m proud of you.” She looked at him, a bit confused. “Five years is a long time.”

“Thanks…”

“There’s something else?”

“What?”

“About it. You can tell me, or not, only if you feel comfortable.”

“So…” She sighed, sitting on the bed. “I was an alcoholic, and it was getting worse, my family… Didn’t care, except for Rosie. I’ve lost my job, my partner and was losing my flat. Let’s say that at the end of 2017 was horrible for me. And with my drunk mind… I thought it would be better if I wasn’t around anymore.” He sat up, putting both of his hands on her face, looking the most worried she had ever seen. “After that… I decided to get clean, mostly because of Rosie, she said that I should give life a chance and that everyone who did bad for me would get their consequences. Then I went to rehab, started studying what I loved, made goals. It was hard, still it is… There were some days that I just wanted a sip, but I knew I shouldn’t, so I resorted to other coping mechanisms and they weren’t healthy, at all.” She lifted the shirt he gave her to wear, showing her inner thighs. “But I’m also clean… Almost two years. I really put my life back together. Not that I don’t have bad days or sometimes things may trigger me… Mostly, I’m fine, on my meds, clean and sober.” She didn't notice when tears started to fall, nor when he was hugging her, stroking her hair and leaving light kisses on her face. Her eyes closed, enjoying his show of affection.

"I'm proud of you, for the amazing woman you've become and that you've managed to get back on your feet." He kissed her forehead, before placing a quick kiss on her lips. "You're amazing and I'm going to give you the world, if it's possible, I'll go to the moon and back to show you how amazing I think you are."

"I... I'm completely in love with you." She admitted, surrendering to the embrace and causing them to fall onto the bed. The woman ran her hands through his tresses, soon beginning to trace the tattoos she could reach, as she watched his smile grow wider and wider. The pilot's hands hugged his waist, caressing the spot. "And I hope you know that I'm going to do everything I can to be by your side. Every race I can go to, I'll be there, if not I'll be here, watching on TV. Regardless of whether you win or lose, I will always be with open arms and welcome you with kisses." She left several kisses along his bare collarbone. "Because life isn't just about winning, it's about the journey."

"I really want you to meet the rest of my family." He murmurs. "They will love you."

"And you need to meet my friends." She laughed, starting a kiss.

This time, their lips were more desperate for each other's touch, like it was urgent, like the only purpose of life was to have this passionate kiss. Their tongues were moving in a unique rhythm as his hands roamed her back and she held his shoulders tightly. Hamilton's touches became lower and lower, reaching down to her thighs, where he touched them tenderly, as if they were fleeting and he wanted to remember that sensation forever.

Her kisses descended to his neck, which he responded with a low moan, grabbing the other's waist, pressing against his body. Her legs were on the side of his body, pinning him against the mattress.

"Baby... If we keep this up, I swear... I don't know if I'll hold on." He pulled her face so they could look at each other. "I don't want to push you into anything, I want it to be the best way possible."

"Okay. I agree." She cracked a smile, getting off his lap and cuddling up next to him. She left small kisses on his chest, before rubbing her face against his body.

"What?"

"Thank you. For thinking of me above sex."

"Always. You're my Christmas miracle."

"Damn it, Lewis!" She started laughing uncontrollably. "I still hate Christmas you know, don't you? You just showed me that I don't have to hate that town as much as I do, even if the people are awful."

"But..." He couldn't stop laughing either. "Okay, that was pretty dumb."

"But at least... It was you being my arse."

They continued to laugh for a few more minutes, until tiredness hit and they fell asleep like that, hugging each other so tightly as they were afraid of losing the other in the middle of the night.

Before Valentine's Day even came, he was already posting pictures of her, with declarations of love, it didn't matter to anyone why they were together and who she was. They were them and no one had the power to intervene in their little bubble of happiness. At the beginning of the season, he took her to her first race, where she met more people from his world and was even more in awe of how amazing he was. It seemed like every day she was impressed with new parts of him, he was more like a little box of good surprises.

"I never thought I'd be here, in this position, watching a race and cheering for my boyfriend, but... Lewis changed me. And I'm very grateful for that." She commented to Angela - who approved of the relationship before they even had their first kiss, not least because she loved that her best friend was happy.

"You've changed him too. For the better." Her words caused the designer to fill her eyes with tears. The pilot was ready to put on his helmet and go to his car, but he stopped to give her a kiss, yet he found her all weepy.

"What happened, honey?"

"Blame her." She said with a smile, pointing at Angela. "She said some nice words to me."

He giggled, leaving a kiss on the girl's lips, before putting on his helmet.

"I believe in you." She murmured before he got into the car.

[texasthoughtsaboutnothing]

The Stranger and my thoughts on where each LCB Sinner is at (Long)

Hey, I actually sat down and read L'etranger, Meursault's source novel. I've got some fucking feelings about it, especially relating it to Limbus Company and what it might mean for his Canto in like 2 years.

Firstly, you should read or listen to this book. It's short, surprisingly punchy, and easy to follow. I (probably) don't have autism but I can absolutely see a read of this where the character does or is neurodivergent in some other way; beyond his relationship and evaluation of social queues and norms he also seems to deal with sensory issues. There are better people than me who should talk about this and I'm probably not adding a lot to the conversation but keeping this reading in my head for the climax added an extra layer of discomfort (intentional discomfort for the benefit of the story's message, I should say) to the whole book. But It's worth experiencing even if you disagree with that reading or have a different one.

Limbus Brainrot/Spoiler stuff from here on in.

There's always the question of where exactly each Sinner is in their story as they're on the bus. Their stories have been reinterpreted and/or jumbled in ways that make it fun to guess, so to go over each Sinner and where they are based on what we know or my theories:

Yi Sang - I'm not gonna front, I don't really get The WIngs, but this seems like a Good End AU for him. He already escaped his "Wife's" control and the sunless room and is now flying again (metaphorically, or maybe literally? i dont know help me).

Faust - Likely in the middle of the part where she's using Mephistopheles' power to do good in the world and prior to her being damned to hell. Side note, she's last to get a Canto and I bet it's not a coincidence that (afaik) she and Dante are the only two with Hell in their stories directly. My long shot call is that Faust is also Beatrice and there will be so much DantexFaust ship art in 2026.

Don Quixote - The biggest enigma. La Sangre de Sancho has gripped the imagination of the fandom and I am no exception. She's next after Heathcliff so we'll get her some time in August at the latest and I can't wait. My best guess is she's currently gallivanting and will be forced home in her Canto, assuming Don is Sancho theory isn't true. Praying her Canto is called The Impossible.

Ryoshu - In Hell Screen, the reason the painter is obsessed with torture is that he can only paint what he has seen and is trying to paint the Buddhist Hell. In his quest for his art he destroys his life and those around him, and ends up committing suicide over it. But there is a villain in the form of the Lord who beyond driving the story by requesting the screen in the first place is guilty of SA and murder. I'm expecting we're post story; the Lord is related to the five fingers, the daughter might be recast as a friend or something, and the sword Ryoshu carries is likely the screen. Nothing revolutionary in my guesses here, but it's either going to be that straight-forward or insanely abstract, where she's the lord and the painter and the daughter and the screen and the sword is the monkey or some shit.

Hong Lu - I have not yet read Dream of a Red Chamber, it's next on the list. Forgive me!

Heathcliff - Oh boy. Like many, I expect he is post-spurning by Catherine and is on his journey for his fortune on the LCB. So, his Canto will be about coming home to a beloved who is with someone else. Yes, the beloved blorbo will suffer for my amusement. Let's go 3 hours Heathmael sex scene!

Ishmael - We now know her story already kinda happened, as many expected, making this a bizarre sequel to Moby Dick. I think it gave PM a lot of room to do whatever they wanted to while still sticking to the themes of the story. Already wrote about what I loved about this and the recontextualizing of Ahab as a whale unto herself (which I don't actually know if it's in the original novel, but it wouldn't surprise me).

Rodion - A weird one. Her inciting incident happened, the murdering of the landlord/pawnbroker, but the unintentional death of the innocent sister was shifted to the entire damn block. So if I had to guess she's in the period after her crime trying to avoid being caught, but no police officer allegory has really been introduced yet. I read Crime and Punishment years ago so I can't say for certain but it feels the most loosely adapted and suffers a tad for being part of the intro. Rodya's story is in no way finished so it's up in the air. Praying for a Petrovich just so people can meet the OG Columbo.

Sinclair - Still need to read Demian, but I have a rough understanding of the plot. Also unfinished in his story, Sinclair has a long way to go to his self-realization. This feels more intentional however, I remember someone made an observation of Cinqlair as representative of his drunken college years where he's popular but unfulfilled, and I think we can extend that to all of his IDs. He seems to have the most potential of all the Sinners, so much so that I wouldn't be surprised if there's a mirror world where he's a Color unto himself. I digress, the point is he's pre Frau Eva (who if she turn's out to be the Purple Tear I will lose my mind) who is also called Beatrice at some point so what's up with that PM?

Outis - Another big mystery, especially as she isn't Odysseus but Outis, a name referencing a particular part of the Odyssey with the Cyclops. I have to imagine she's on the Odyssey, journeying home after the Smoke War (which might have some parallels with the Trojan War beyond the obvious). It's interesting all the Greek myth named Abnormalities are Hospital themed, might be something there but nothing I can parse from my limited knowledge of Greek society and folklore. While she' might be a traitor, I'm thinking she's joined Limbus Company to hide while on her journey; she might be wanted dead by something and is concealing her identity after what happened in the war.

Greg - Again, a character post-story. He was locked in a room, he metamorphized, and... well he's alive? So we've diverged from the source novel, as it's taken the allegorical meanings and made them more literal, but Hermann is still around and a major player so who knows where this will go?

Meursault - I have so many thoughts. Meursault could be anywhere in his story, but I'm going to guess it's one of two places. First guess, we're completely pre story. His Canto opens with him getting a message that Maman died today, or maybe yesterday, he doesn't know. So the whole story plays out over the course of the Canto. But more likely, and my prediction, is that he's currently in "jail" awaiting his execution or acquittal. He has already murdered a man (or done some other crime) and instead of being tried for that, he has been tried and sentenced for his peculiarities of character. Bound in the chains of others, the multitudes have tightened their hold (I'm very clever and not cringe at all).

So I have to wonder what light blinded him, overwhelmed him so much that it led to his crime? The Bright Nights and Dark Days are an obvious choice, and I'm not the first to suggest it. Perhaps he distorted? Anyway, his story ends with him having given up on acquittal and instead hoping for a crowd of people hating him as he approaches the guillotine. I'm super interested in how this will play out in Limbus, especially as he must survive for gameplay purposes.

Also, Meursault is so horny. Like, oh my god. Half of his thoughts are of Marie, specifically of wanting her and all the connotations that contains. He spurns God in the face of a Chaplain, saying that He is worth nothing compared to a single hair on a woman's head. Meursault is not a romantic but not just some horndog either, his desire for sex and women and their bodies feels like an extension of his worldview centered on the immediacy of life and not just debauchery or hedonism. It's a part of the idea life is lived as today, yesterday, and tomorrow, and there is joy and happiness in that simplicity. I feel like this will get cut for Limbus but I hope it isn't, I want Meursault to casually admit he desires every Sinner on the bus carnally (yes the men and NB too, probably just a HC but I do believe that the City is a binormative society based on its already loose relationship to gender identity).

So uh, that's the thoughts so far. Merry Christmas, I guess.

[rubyuji]

Enough for Me (Moon Junhui) 𓏲 ๋࣭  ࣪‧₊🪼˚‧ ✧𓍢ִִ໋˚.

Genre: Angst, Comfort

Warnings: Heavy mentions of depression and being suicidal, gaslighting (not from Jun or the reader though), a death of a loved one being mentioned, A LOT of long dialogue and cursing.

Synopsis: No one could handle you and you seemed to be the problem because everyone had always walked out on you. Not in Jun’s case though.

Note: Reworked, I apologize for how this is all loosely based on a true story (not adding too many details as to how) but I swear none of the idols mentioned as mean friends supposedly act like this in person in the story. As always, happy reading and don’t forget to support me by liking + reblogging my works! If you’re ever in a bad place, don’t be afraid to reach out.

WC: 1.5k

“Listen Y/n, I think it’s seriously immature of you to constantly delete your messages after you vent about something. Do you not think we care? You’re almost guilt-tripping us in a way, and it’s not like we constantly have time to respond to you, we have important things to take care of outside of our friendship,” Your friend, Jungkook, grits his teeth.

You stood still, shell-shocked at what had just come out of his mouth. Throughout the times you needed your friends most, they were never there for you, and now that your grandmother died they decide to drop a bomb on you? It hadn’t even been a day since she had passed.

“Jungkook, I don’t want to argue with you so as an explanation, I don’t delete my messages as a form of guilt-tripping. It just hurts my head and clogs my brain to see them in our group chat. Seeing how no replies with it just being there makes me feel even worse like I’m bringing the mood down, so I delete them because I also consider how you guys would feel,” you reply quietly, completely avoiding eye contact with everyone else as you play with your hands nervously.

“Honestly Y/n, we’re not the best at comforting but we can always listen to you. You just make it seem as though we could care less,” Nana says harshly.

Why were they doing this to you? You had a lot going through your mind and things were slowly escalating into an argument, but you were cornered, it was just you against everyone else it seemed.

“Y/n, we care about you ok? I don’t want you talking about killing yourself or that suicidal shit because I care about you. God, stop acting like a depressed piece of shit,” Jungkook continued to press on.

“I always consider how you guys would feel because I get you’re always so busy with class, but do I beg for you guys to listen? No, because I always put you all before me! Just let me be selfish for once. I do not wish for you guys to experience the pain I’m feeling,” You blew up but immediately kept yourself grounded by slouching beside Eunwoo on the couch.

“Guys, can you give Y/n a break? Fucks sake, someone in her family just DIED and there is still school to think about. Do you not realize that losing a close loved one is a lot to take in? Leave Y/n alone and let things work on their own because there can only be so much on someone’s plate,” Eunwoo sighed, clearly agitated at how your friends were acting like complete idiots by arguing with you at the worst possible moment.

“Y/n, you’ve always been the same, you wanna die right now? Fine, and you can have all the space you want, I don’t fucking care. At least come back when you’re mentally stable and respond normally will you?” You remained silent as everyone stared you down. If looks could kill, you’d be shot from every direction.

You were so close to breaking down that you simply ran out of the apartment and didn’t look back once.

You were grateful that at least Eunwoo cared but right now you needed to find solace in someone else who cared about how you felt about all this rather than how they felt. That’s when your feet led you to the apartment below yours, it was Jun’s.

You bring your hand to knock on the door, but it swings open before you can even land your knuckles on the wood to make the sound. Were you that loud?

On the other side stood a worried-looking Jun, the man immediately rushing you inside and leading you to his couch where he held you in a tight embrace.

That was the last thing you needed before you cracked, and suddenly all the tears you held in are streaming down your face.

“What happened? I heard about your grandmother and went to check on you but you were with your friends so I came back, thinking they were comforting you. Yet you’re here crying?” Jun was confused.

He heard your friends through the apartment door talking to you, deciding to come back once they were gone, but you beat him to it after he heard the pattering of feet down the hall.

You wipe your tears and smile off the intense pain you were feeling, disregarding it as nothing when you were really at your full capacity with everything going on.

You had a lot to think about, your family, how you were going to cope with everything. It was all too much, everything happening in less than a day.

“Jun, they were just agitated with me because I acted immaturely. I’ll spare you the details for now, but I deleted my vent messages in our group chat, they got mad and I gave them an explanation but then they go and gaslight me, which is all too much to handle,” You blabbered while Jun listened intently.

“Y/n, why would you let this happen? I remember you mentioning their lack of response towards you and how you never complained once, but then they go and do this. You don’t deserve any of the pain they caused,” he replies in a whisper, before bringing you into another hug that you desperately needed.

“It’s a lot, Jungkook told me to stop acting like a depressed piece of shit, immediately bringing up my past of being suicidal, then Nana acts like she did so much for me when they were never there. At least Eunwoo cared,” you muttered the last part to yourself, but Jun caught it and chuckled.

“Well, of course, he’s Eunwoo. Not a man of many words but always has the right ones when needed, I’m glad he stood up for you,” Jun then got up and handed you a blanket he found on the loveseat in his living room.

He hands you the blanket and you take it with a grateful smile. You’ve been through a lot today, and having someone finally care about you made you feel comfortable to be a bit vulnerable for even just a moment. Jun just felt like home to you.

“Y/n, they were shit friends towards you ok? They’re just mad because they’ve finally realized their mistakes and now that you’re putting yourself first, they think you’re being selfish,” he poked your cheek and you almost laughed through your tears, before Jun continued to speak.

“Listen, you are the most selfless person I know, you care so much about everyone else that you’ve reached a point where you pleased them too much, that now you can’t even do the bare minimum for yourself,” You take in his words and tears stream down your face again.

Had you been too lax? You never even thought of putting yourself first in anything, always opting to make everyone happy because you thought that it was enough for you.

“Everything I do isn’t enough, there’s always a problem with me. Everyone just leaves me Jun, I’m so tired of it all,” you huff out in frustration.

Jun’s brows knit and he pulls you even closer than you thought possible, almost flustering you, but he continues to comfort you.

His heart cracked at the sight of you, you looked so tired, exhausted, and devoid of life. It hurt Jun to see you that way when you’ve been hiding it for the longest time.

“You’ve suffered enough Y/n, let everything work by itself. To me, everything you do is enough, it’s enough for me ok? You were there for me during the times I needed someone, you kept me sane and comforted me even when you weren’t doing well by yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over something that isn’t your fault,” You nod and wipe your tears.

You knew what he meant. Jun had it just as hard as you are having it now, and you made sure he knew he was heard and had a shoulder to cry on.

It wasn’t just him either, you always made way to listen to everyone and tried your best to comfort them in any way you could.

“You know, you always make everyone feel heard, you’re just an amazing person, Y/n. Don’t ever think one bit that you aren’t enough when you would do so much more for everyone, and I’m glad you come to us because we do more than what those other friends of yours could,” Jun stared at the photo of you, along with his other friends on the wall.

Since your friends were never available, you felt happy to reach out to Jun and his other friends, Wonwoo, Soonyoung, Jihoon, and Minghao, when you needed a listening ear.

They all made you feel safe and secure during the times you had to stay strong for your grandmother, and even if they weren’t the best at comforting sometimes, they still tried, way more than anyone could bring themselves to.

“Thank you Jun, I feel much better now, even for a moment. Can we watch a movie or something with the other guys? I wanna get my mind off things for a while,” You ask softly.

Your eyes were still glassed over but your tears already dried. Jun nods at your request and immediately runs to order food and call the others.

Honestly, you couldn’t ask for anything better, because even if life is shitty, you get stronger and the pain is only temporary.

© rubyuji 2024’ -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.