#note the can of tuna. cat mark is real

[preordainedplace]

what if the world was made of catboys

[citrinesparkles]

cat part three.

jason todd x gender neutral, cat lover (or tolerater) reader. 1,066 words. notes: part one here, part two here! (edit: part four here) brief snippets of cat life. warnings: food is discussed, animal illness (but everything ends up fine, i promise)

it was nearly four in the morning when you finally heard the window slide open.

unfortunately, it was accompanied by the sound of him moving- which usually meant he was hurt, too hurt to move silently.

so you set your phone down, climbing out of bed and making your way into the dim living room just in time to see him close the window and- hear his jacket start yelling?

interesting.

"so," you started casually, not bothering to hide your amusement when he stiffened, "your jacket meows now?"

"oh, why aren't you asleep?" he all but whined- which, filtered through his helmet, was not only adorable but also hilarious- falling forwards to gently thump his head against the wall.

"my boyfriend ran late at the office," you teased. "you know how it is."

the jacket meowed again, and he just groaned.

"are you going to introduce me to your guest, or should i pretend i didn't notice?"

he took a deep, slow breath. "fine." he pushed back from the wall, turning to flick on the nearby lamp.

now, you could see the obnoxious bag covered in cartoon pineapples and flamingos slung over his shoulder and his signature leather jacket wiggling slightly in his arms.

he gently shifted the jacket, revealing a tiny, sleepy face.

one that immediately meowed again.

"this is cat," jason said, exhaustion lacing his voice. "a friend asked me to take care of it until it's well enough to go back out into the world."

"cat? really?"

"please don't start."

-

you took cat, setting its litter box up in the corner of the living room while jason took a shower.

cat was tiny and friendly, running its head into your ankles and purring whenever you acknowledged it.

the meowing, loud and persistent, began again as soon as you opened a can from the ugly beach bag.

cat was in desperate need of a bath and a careful brushing, you realized as it ate, but both could wait for the morning. for now, you did your best to make a bed out of spare blankets and get it to drink some water.

-

soon after, jason found you on the living room floor and all but fell into the space next to you.

cat immediately stood up from its makeshift bed and climbed up into his lap.

"i'm not keeping it," he said firmly, dropping his head to your shoulder.

you hummed quietly, watching as he scratched the cat's chin. "so what's the plan?"

"vet tomorrow-" he yawned- "find out what its deal is, get it healthy, figure out somewhere it can comfortably live out the rest of its days." he paused, and the sound of cat's purring filled the space between you. "sorry for springing this on you."

"a warning would have been nice, yeah, but it kinda looked like your hands were full."

"it just wouldn't. stop. meowing." he squished its cheek gently, making you laugh and cat look up at him with wide, innocent eyes. "yeah, you. you just don't know how to shut up, do you?"

it meowed.

-

he took cat to the vet that morning, and came back with it- her, you learned- in an actual carrier, along with a bottle of pills and a bag of pill pockets.

"antibiotics," he explained as he opened the carrier and released her into the living room. "she's got some kind of infection. vet said to give her one of these-" a shake of the bottle- "with dinner for two weeks and make sure she drinks lots of water."

two weeks.

yeah, no way he'll ever get attached in two weeks, you thought, watching her jump up onto the couch to glare at him and the carrier.

-

you came home the next day to an obviously recently-deserted living room.

jason's favorite blanket (which, 'coincidentally', cat had also taken a real shining to) was tossed haphazardly over the arm of the couch; a bowl of half-eaten popcorn rested on the coffee table; and a young mark hamill was on tv, frozen in an unflattering pause.

"c'mon, chewie," you heard jason grunt, dragging your attention to the other end of the apartment. "no- ugh, come here already!"

you followed his voice curiously to find him- or, more accurately, his legs- on the bedroom floor.

as soon as you stepped through the doorway, he froze and swore quietly.

"does that mean you named the cat?"

"no, she named herself," he grumbled from under the bed. "kept meowing every time chewbacca started talking- talking, roaring, whatever."

"oh, of course, my bad." you leaned against the doorframe with a smile, arms crossed over your chest. "so where is chewie, honey?"

"hyperspace, last i checked."

"right, right," you nodded, fighting back a laugh. "so what're you doing down there?"

"hopefully avoiding this conversation."

"jason. is the cat under the bed?"

"...maybe."

"and why is that an issue?"

he sighed. "she stole the remote, okay?"

this time, the laugh won.

-

you woke up to an empty bed, jason's quiet voice floating down the hall.

"that's right."

"mrow."

"uh huh."

"mrow."

"you're a genius, truly."

"mrow!" you heard chewie hit the ground, presumably jumping down off of the back of the couch again.

"tuna for lunch. of course. i've never heard a better idea."

you smiled, rolling over and going back to sleep.

-

this time, you came home to a quick note on the counter. it said that jason had run to the store but would be back to make dinner, and there was a small pizza slice doodled in the corner.

it made a little burst of warmth flood your chest, and you plucked the note up to put away for a rainy day.

on the way, you caught sight of his jacket on the couch.

that was interesting. when he wasn't wearing it, it was always hung up carefully, tucked away with the rest of his gear where it wouldn't be stumbled upon unless someone was really looking.

you quickly got an explanation as chewie, curled up into a content donut shape on the sleeve, peaked one smug eye open at you and purred.

interesting, indeed.

you were dating a giant sucker.

[hq-cuties-pls]

THE LOVE SCRATCHES SCENARIO WITH TSUKKI, SUGA, KAGEYAMA, IWAZUMI, AND AKAASHI? PLEASE AND THANK

We have decided to combine these two asks because there is a lot of overlap. Please enjoy the final hours before Haikyuu’s Return!~The Admins 

—–

Tsukishima: 

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi shot him a wry smile from the other side of the club room. He nodded at Tsukishima’s back, indicating the mirror with a flicker of his eyes. 

“Oh, shit…” Tsukishima ran his hands over the deep, vivid scratches on his back. 

“You and ___ have a good time last night?” Yamaguchi shot him a wry look out the corner of his eye. His smile was borderline smug, and the way he ruffled his short bangs in the mirror was definitely an attempt to bait him. 

It worked. 

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” he growled, yanking his practice shirt on with perhaps a little too much force. 

“Mm-hm.” Yamaguchi shrugged, taking a seat to wrap his sprained ankle. “Whatever you say.”

 Tsukishima had never been more thankful for getting in the habit to show up first for practice, because he didn’t even want to think about what Kageyama or Hinata would say about all this. He’d talked to you about it, but in the moment, when you were under him and arching beautifully and blissed out and delirious, well… let’s just say he was a little distracted. 

“When did you turn into such a shit?” Tsukishima tugged his shirt down as if in effort to further conceal his back, smoothing carefully over the tender bits. 

“Once I was made Captain. I never knew why Daichi-san and Ennoshita-san were the way they were. Now I know it’s less a sports team and more a colony of feral cats. But I’m getting used to it.” 

“That’s good.”

“Just like I’m getting used to you and ____ and evidence of you two getting frisky.” Yamaguchi kicked at his hip with his good leg. “Seriously, you need to cut it out. What if the children saw? What if Yacchan saw?” 

“If Yachi-san is in here, then that means someone has had a stroke and no one is paying attention to my sex scratches.” Tsukishima neatly dodged Yamaguchi’s attack. “Seriously, Yamaguchi, you need to stop with the protective Dad schtick. You’re worse than Sawamura-san.” 

Yamaguchi scowled; “Just for that, I’m encouraging Hinata to slap your back later. As hard as he can. And you’ll deserve it.” 

Suga: 

“BWAH! Su-suga-senpai! What… what happened?!” 

Suga absently followed Hinata’s gaze, reminded of the evidence of your weekend alone with him on his back. He shrugged, trying to pass off the minor wince of pain as one of his shit-eating grins; “Oh, nothing. A Kitten got to me, is all.” 

“A kitten?” Kageyama poked his head out of his sweater, looking almost comically innocent. Suga hated to ruin it… almost. “Did you get a cat, senpai?”

Suga shrugged, his smile sharpening as he fought the ugly cackles that threatened to come out; “You could say that…”

Daichi groaned; “Oh, my god, Suga, Kitten is ____’s pet name, isn’t it. Don’t you fucking lie to me, you pervert.” 

“Such language, Daichi!” Suga put his hand over his (bare) chest in a pretense of scandal. “And in front of the children!”

“Says the guy who came into practice with SEX SCRATCHES? Suga, we talked about this–no marks in front of the kouhai!”

Asahi chose that moment to chime in, rubbing at his eyes like he had a migraine coming in; “And there goes all pretense of plausible deniability.” 

Suga packed up his neatly-folded school uniform, zipping into his team jacket with a definitive and sharp movement; “Bold of you to assume I ever had deniability. Besides, I said nothing. Daichi’s the one who outed me as a deviant.” 

“You are a deviant.” Daichi shot a narrow look at him, even if whatever rage may or may not be coming from him was basically nonexistent. “Why are you like this?” 

“Have to maintain my status as the pretty one, don’t I?” Suga ran a hand through his bangs, checking the tiny mirror on the wall before sauntering out. 

“How did anyone ever think you were Karasuno’s angel?” Daichi called after him.

Suga answered with a shrug, followed by a wince–you’d really done a number on him, regardless of how satisfying it was to aggravate Daichi’s Housewife Instincts.

Kageyama: 

“Hey, Kageyama! Nice sex scratches!”

“Hm?” Kageyama peeked over his shoulder at the long, bright red scratches running down his back. He scowled. “Those aren’t sex scratches. They’re cat scratches.” 

“Oh wow, that was a weak excuse, even for you, King,” Tsukishima said, pushing his dumb sports glasses higher up his face. “Sure those are cat scratches, and Tanaka-senpai is top of his class.” 

“Oi!” It was Tanaka-senpai’s turn to scowl. “That sounded like disrespect, Tsukishima.” 

“It was disrespect, Tanaka, keep up,” Ennoshita-senpai added. 

“RIP Ryuu,” Noya said with a smirk. “Don’t mind, don’t mind.”

“I feel like we’re getting off topic,” Kinnoshita said. “Suga-senpai is going to be heartbroken he missed this.” 

“The baby is growing up.” Narita wiped a fake tear from the corner of his eye. “Kageyama went and got himself laid all on his own.” 

“What…” Kageyama blinked, unsure why the conversation was steering in this direction. ‘Laid?’ Like… laid down? Like a nap? “I don’t… yeah, I laid down at ____’s house and that’s how Tama got me.”

“Tama?” Hinata tilted his head, looking a bit like Tama when you opened a can of tuna fish. “Is Tama your weird pervy nickname for ____?” 

“No! He’s ____’s cat, you idiot!” 

“Ah.” Yamaguchi shrugged. “Seems he’s sticking with the cat scratches story.” 

“They are cat scratches!” 

“Sure, sure.” Yamaguchi patted his back, which just hurt… like a lot. “Come on, Kageyama. Get dressed. We won’t bother you about your…ah… “cat scratches” again.”

Kageyama scowled as he watched his teammates file out of the club room. Why did no one believe him about his cat scratches!? He’d have to ask you about it later…maybe you understood why everyone was laughing about it.

Iwaizumi: 

He should have known better.

He really, really should have known better. 

He’d even thought about it last night–he’d made sure you didn’t leave any marks that would show above the neck of a t-shirt, and he’d made a mental note not to change with the rest of the team.

A mental note that he completely forgot about until he’d gotten his shirt of and Oikawa let out a shriek.

“I-IWA-CHAN! MY EYES!”He dramatically slapped a hand over his eyes, covering them. “My poor, virginal eyes! How could you–no, how dare you besmirch this sacred space with your sex scratches!”

Iwaizumi closed his eyes, heaving a sigh and resigning himself to wait until Oikawa got it out of his system.

“Wait, sex scratches? For real?” Hanamaki said, and Iwaizumi groaned. Of course. Of course it wouldn’t be enough for Oikawa to see. Hanamaki and Matsukawa were like hounds on the scent, and once they got wind of it, they were never going to drop it. 

“Niiiice, vice-captain,” Matsukawa drawled. “She really got you good. Never took you for the kinky type, Iwaizumi.”

“MAKKI! MATTSUN! How dare you encourage this–this perversion in our sacred club room!”

“Ah, yes,” Hanamaki said, “The baked-in smell of sweat and dust. The pinnacle of sacredness, I’m sure.”

“The disrespect,” Oikawa said with a dramatic flair of his hand. “What about our kouhai, Iwaizumi? What kind of example are you setting for them?”

“D-don’t worry about us, captain!” Kindaichi said, though his cheeks and ears were bright, flaming red. “I mean, what Iwaizumi-senpai and ___-chan do in their spare time is none of our business, right?” 

“EXACTLY!” Oikawa shrieked. “None of our business. So he shouldn’t–shouldn’t make it our business by coming in here with his… his sex scratches!”

“Sounds like someone’s jealous,” Matsukawa said with a wicked grin.

“I–WHAT?! Mattsun, how dare you imply–I would never–I… you… GAH!” 

Oikawa, now red-faced himself, pulled his t-shirt forcefully over his head and stalked out of the room in a huff. As he left, he shouted over his shoulder–

“ANYONE NOT DRESSED AND ON THE COURT IN THE NEXT MINUTE IS DOING DIVING DRILLS!” 

Akaashi:

“Wow, Akaashi, your cat got you really good!” Bokuto said, staring wide-eyed at Akaashi’s bare back. 

Akaashi blinked twice, looking to the side and clutching his shirt in his hands. 

“Wait…”  Bokuto said, frowning. “You don’t have a cat. Did you get a cat?”

“N-no, Bokuto-san, I–”

“Oh! Does ___ have a cat?”

“No, she–”

“AKAASHI, WAS IT A STRAY?” Bokuto asked, grabbing Akaashi’s arms. “That’s really bad, you should go to the doctor! What if it had rabies?”

“Rabies was eliminated in Japan, like, 30 years ago,” Komi said, biting down a delighted smirk. “Don’t worry, Bokuto, I’m sure Akaashi is being safe. Right, Akaashi?”

“Y-yes!” Akaashi said, his cheeks flushing.

“Oh, so you went to the doctor?” Bokuto said.

Komi snorted into his fist, and Konoha slapped his hand against his forehead. 

“No,” Akaashi said, scrubbing a hand over his forehead. “Bokuto-san, there was no cat.”

“I–wha?”

“You see, captain,” Komi said, slapping a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder, “when two people love each other very much…”

“It was ____, Bokuto-san. _____ left the scratches, okay?” Akaashi said, squeezing his eyes shut. “Now, if it’s alright, I suggest we start practice.”

Bokuto stared blankly for long enough that it became genuinely concerning. Akaashi could almost hear that weird, scratchy dial-up sound.

Konoha laughed; “I didn’t realize it was possible for a human being to Blue Screen, but wow, Bokuto continues to surprise.” 

A solid 15 or 20 seconds later, Bokuto exploded into the most brilliant blush ever seen in nature, sputtering dramatically as he tried to shove his head through the arm hole of his t-shirt. 

“Ah…” Komi said with a shrug. “And there he is. Really, Akaashi-kun, you should do something to protect his innocence. He isn’t ready for that.”

“My apologies,” Akaashi replied with a small smirk. “I’ll try to get ____ to be less…affectionate next time.”

Semi:

“I see you have been enjoying your… extracurricular activities, Semi,” Ushijima said in his usual near-monotone.

Semi stared back at him, his brow creasing. “I–I’m not in any other extracurriculars, though? Just volleyball. I mean–I am enjoying that, I guess?” He blinked in confusion, but Ushijima’s ever-stoic face gave nothing away.

“Eita-kuuun,” Tendou crowed, popping up over Semi’s shoulder. “I think Wakatoshi-kun was making a joke.” A catlike smirk spread across his face, and then one of his long fingers jabbed directly into the largest gouge you’d left in Semi’s back. Semi jumped, wincing at the pain, and then his eyes went wide.

“Oh–fuck.” Semi groaned, the memory of last night flooding back into his brain.

“Ahaha, there it is! Good for you, Semisemi. Make sure you put some ointment on those though, yeesh. Maybe tell ____ to trim their nails next time!” Tendou said before he pranced off to finish changing. 

Semi stared at Ushijima, who was–if he wasn’t very much mistaken–smirking. 

Ushijima Wakatoshi was smirking. 

“I keep antibiotic ointment in my bag, if you would like to borrow some,” Ushijima said simply, an almost-imperceptible twitch to his eyebrow the only indication he wasn’t utterly earnest. 

Oikawa: 

A low wolf whistle interrupted the typical chatter in the club room, causing everyone to fall silent. Matsukawa was leaning against the door wearing a wide, lecherous grin. 

“Wow, Captain, color me impressed. I really thought you were all talk, but you and ____-chan have been busy, haven’t you?”

It was clear what Matsukawa was talking about–Oikawa’s bare, pale back was ravaged, the bright pink of the scratch marks all the more stark against his fair skin. Oikawa blinked twice, his eyes going wide as saucers before he abruptly spun around, putting his back to the lockers.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mattsun–”

“Well, Captain,” Hanamaki interrupted, “it would seem ____-chan has left some rather impressive marks…”

“THERE ARE NO MARKS,” Oikawa screeched, his face going as pink as the scratch marks curving over his shoulders.

“Come on, Captain,” Matsukawa drawled, “just yesterday you were bragging about you and ____’s escapades.”

“A gentleman doesn’t tell, Mattsun,” Oikawa said, his voice wavering as he sidled awkwardly along the wall. 

“Funny, because they say a picture’s worth a thousand words,” Hanamaki interrupted with a devilish grin, brandishing his phone. “And this one’s got plenty to say.”

“MAKKI!” Oikawa shrieked. Hanamaki darted out of the club room, and Oikawa lunged after him–still dressed only in his track pants. 

“Three… two… one…” Iwaizumi counted down under his breath, and right on cue a chorus of girlish screams broke out outside the club room, followed by Oikawa dashing back inside and slamming the door behind him. He fell forward against the wall, his head hitting the locker with a metallic thunk. 

“My life is over,” he moaned dramatically. 

“There, there,” Iwaizumi said, patting him firmly on the back right where the scratches were worst. “At least you had pants on.”

[rwbyremnants]

NOTE: Car sex, cunnilingus.

WOW, I can't believe after so long between updates it's finally all up! Hope you guys enjoyed the ride and are happy that Ruby and Winter figured it all out. Again, I know sometimes this account goes quiet even though I'm always writing; I just can't always find the time to set aside to edit and update the fics. It won't be right away but I can tell you that the next installment of the White Noise universe is definitely coming someday. Until then, see you in the other fics!

-NBW

=Chapter 11

Once the newly happy couple entered the conservatory, it became too crowded to talk about their private affairs. Everyone was sat around in the living room, surrounding Weiss who took the middle of the sofa with Yang at her side. Blake and Sun had made it, and they were lingering near Yang. There was still no sign of Qrow, Taiyang or Penny yet. They must have been more held up than they thought. Even if people were still engaged in their own conversations rather than fully focusing on their host, it was still too risky.

But that didn't stop Ruby standing in place by Winter's side, idly brushing their hands by one another. Not holding, but enough to make her presence known.

"Okay, I guess we're ready!" Weiss was announcing as Winter hooked her own pinky around Ruby's. No one would have noticed how nervous she was unless they were close to her - either physically or emotionally. Nervous, yet excited.

"Hang on," Blake said, holding up her phone and aiming the camera at Weiss. "Okay, ready!"

"Open Yang's! It's sappy!" Ruby called across the crowd loudly, knowing it would definitely be heard on the recording.

It was a small haul of presents in comparison to previous years, but no one particularly minded. Both the hosts understood that many of their guests either didn't know what to get or couldn't afford much – and they themselves had insisted nobody break the bank. It made the cards reviewed all the more special, which Weiss had Yang display by the fireplace right away.

Nearly an hour later, everyone had gathered at the dinner table. Weiss put the various presents to one side but insisted on wearing the bracelet. While agreeing it was sappy, she loved it – just as both Ruby and Yang suspected she would. Yang and Weiss were sat at one end, with Fènleng in her high chair at the head of the table. By their side were Sun and Blake, then Neon and Inu, then Winter and Ruby. The rest of the guests were further along, with only a few taking the sofa due to lack of space at the table. Everyone took what they wanted from the buffet of sandwiches and snacks, complimenting Neon and Yang who had put it all together on this occasion.

Ruby sometimes managed to give Winter a shy wave. There was still no sign of Penny just yet. But while things were up in the air with Winter, she assumed that was for the best. They could talk soon.

"You know," Winter said to Neon as she leaned to one side so they could speak more easily, "you two did quite a good job on this spread. If you ever get tired of performing, you could probably try your hand at party planning."

Blowing a loud raspberry, she smirked back toward her. "No way! Any nimrod can spread some mayo on bread’n add some tuna or ham. I just needed to do it a few hundred times!"

"Well, I might think about it! I'm sure as hell still not used to going out and people recognising me on the street, like I’m somebody." Grabbing a few of the cheese sandwiches and some potato chips, Yang looked toward her little sister from across the table. "Don't worry, I put Penny's vegan stuff to the side so she'll have plenty when she gets here. Made it special!"

"Oh, great! She'll really like that!" Ruby grinned straight back, having just put a bratwurst on her plate and adding more chips. "They're still held up, I think… traffic must be bad."

"Sometimes it gets pretty congested," Weiss agreed as she popped a devilled egg into her mouth. "Flying out of Nashville is as miserable as LAX. But you get used to it."

"This tuna is excellent," Blake commented with a smile. "You really went all out."

"Seconded! I'm surprised it hasn’t summoned the real cat yet." Taking a few of the tuna sandwiches for herself, Neon then looked back to Weiss while she prepared her own and some of Fènleng's food. "Hey, where is Xu-Xu anyways?"

But while they had their light, aimless conversations, it seemed Ruby was zoning out for a moment. She had got her food, and simply stared blankly at her plate as she began to eat. Dwelling on Penny being late would do no good for her mood, so eating was a good solution.

And so was something else going on under the table. About a third of the way through her bratwurst, Ruby could feel a sensation sliding up her calf. It was very light, but definitely present; a teasing. As it did so, she could hear Winter answering another question Blake had asked.

"Oh, I'm not much of a pet person. But I might be persuaded to take in a rescue." Her eyes flicked between both her and Ruby. "Perhaps a cat and a dog, if they could play nice with each other."

Swallowing the meat in her mouth, Ruby shuddered with both a mixture of shock and pleasure. She could feel very easily it was Winter's soft foot, teasing her with those pedicured nails. And it began to rise! Then it hit her: Winter's ultimate payback for what happened with her father. She wasn't finished with her just yet, but could balance their debts by winding her up in front of all the guests.

"Really?" Blake was laughing with a wider smile. "Maybe find a cat who wouldn't mind being cat-sat by you until you could adopt one of your own. I could help you with that."

The elder Schnee sister hummed her agreement as the teasing went up to Ruby's knee, tracing tiny circles as it went. "You know, that might be nice. Test if I'm really ready to take on a pet full-time."

Again, her eyes went back to Ruby. Now biting her lip, Ruby waited for what was coming. She had to maintain a mask of calm, not show that she was really flustered. She never considered all these factors when doing it to Winter. No wonder she wanted to get back at her in this way; it would teach her not to underestimate how hard this was to do on the receiving end.

"Ahem!" Sun ejaculated toward Winter in regards to her comments. Assuming they were intended for Blake, he leant forward. "'Ix-nay' on the 'Et stuff-pay', alright? These people are super vanilla!"

Leaning forward herself, Winter's foot disappeared during the action. "Nobody would pick up on what we meant if you weren't drawing more attention to it, Monkey Boy," she hissed. Though she was still smiling; not at all upset, just mildly bemused that Sun had let himself get so easily flustered.

Looking downward got his plate and groaning in annoyance instead, he murmured, "Just shut up and eat your sandwiches."

But Ruby was finally sighing with relief, going back to her sandwich. She assumed that Winter had stopped taunting her, thinking she realised how mean it really was in front of people. That she had enjoyed her revenge.

"Aww, it's okay," Blake was murmuring to Sun very gently, petting his shoulder to soothe him. "But Winter is right in this case; we were just talking about pets. No big deal."

"And a well cared for pet is a happy pet," Winter went on, as her foot resumed its upward progress - this time, starting at the knee and working inward. "Don't worry, I've done a lot of pet-sitting in my time."

"Oh really?” Yang put in. “We'll have to get you to cat-sit Xu-Xu for us, Winter. See, we wanted to take Fènleng to Disneyland sometime soon-"

Yang was immediately cut off by Neon. "Kids her age can barely go on anything!"

"Who said it was just for her?"

But the host's little sister was distracted once more. Forced to release the sandwich which dropped to her plate, she froze up once again. Winter was continuing to wind her up in plain sight. She only hoped that no one was going to notice, somehow.

"Wouldn't mind it a bit," she was saying serenely while pushing her foot further and further between Ruby's thighs, underneath the meager protection her skit offered. "Though Neon does have a point. It might be more fun if you leave Fèn with one of us and just go to Disney yourselves."

"I could never do that!" Weiss gasped out, placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder for emphasis. "My little girl, alone, for days at a time?!"

"Babe, didn't you wanna go back on tour for a couple of months next year, though?" Yang laughed. Looking back to Neon and Winter, she smiled. "For her, it would mainly be for pictures. We wanna build lots of memories and make some scrapbooks and stuff. You know, stuff to embarrass her with in front of her friends, or when she brings a date home."

Once the foot pressed home beneath the skirt, however, there was a harsh thud at the table from where Ruby jumped in surprise, knees impacting with the surface above. Either way, it got quite a bit of attention - the opposite of what she wanted. Already her cheeks were glowing.

It was remarkable how real the look of confusion and concern on Winter's face was as she asked, "Are you alright?" Even as the toes resumed their progress, getting so close to the mark again, she was laying her palms on either side of her plate, as if pretending she was about to stand.

"I-I… U-Uh…" By now, Ruby could feel her right up against her panties, pressing inward and taunting her fragile flesh. How was she supposed to respond to that with everyone looking? She didn't have as much self-control as Winter did!

There was nothing else for it. As much as she didn't want to give up and accept her fate, she found herself having to move her chair back slightly. He blush was completely red, enough to give Winter a big enough hint that her efforts were not fruitless. Once out of the foot's reach, she shot an apologetic look over toward Weiss.

"S-sorry, just need the bathroom. Where, uh, was it again?"

"There's one right here on this floor," Weiss said in some confusion. "And downstairs and upstairs, of course. You've been here before, haven't you?"

"Y-yeah… I… Sorry, I forgot. I'm being dumb. E-excuse me!"

And barely even managing to tuck her skirt back down in time, Ruby dashed away from her chair and straight to the bathroom, leaving their guests very confused. Winter had to play it cool. Even with the guilty thrill that shot into her stomach, she had to at least pretend that she had no idea that anything was wrong with Ruby. However, after a full minute had passed, she withdrew her phone from her bosom and sent a quick message.

R u ok?

"Your sister's kinda crazy, Yang." Neon was heard commenting as she went to grab more tuna sandwiches.

"Yeah, but at least she's in better moods now." Yang admitted, looking toward the eldest Schnee with a bright smile. "We got Winter to thank for that."

But after a short moment, there was a buzz through to Winter's phone. A message back.

Fine! I guess I deserved that. But I knew I was gonna end up moaning so I had to leave quick! D:

"Oh, I just… did what I could," Winter said evasively as she began to type back.

You could have stopped me and said it was too much, I just thought it would be fun ; ) I'll help you moan more later

"My sister's so modest," Weiss said in a voice dripping with sarcasm. But she was smirking. "She's so good at reassuring people. The same sister who once convinced me that if I ate a caterpillar, I would have a literal butterfly in my stomach."

"That was ONE time!" Winter said in exasperation as she laid her phone down to take a drink of water. "And I was five, you can hardly blame me!"

While everyone chuckled, Weiss said, "Can't I?"

"Oh, that's bush league compared to the stuff I did." Yang laughed, holding up the hand with her sandwich to gesture along with her story. "When we had our first dog, Ein, Ruby would always try and run around on all fours like him. I told her if she did absolutely everything a dog does, she would be able to turn into one."

"Oh my God, please tell me she didn't whiz on any fire hydrants!" Sun was already laughing halfway through Yang's story, but then came another vibration from Winter's phone.

Honestly I haven't felt up to doing anything so long it's so tempting just to go to town on myself in here o//o

"Nothing like that!" Yang could be heard continuing. "But I looked away for two minutes, then suddenly both Ein and Ruby are rolling in a pool of mud! Dad was so pissed when we got home!"

With a knowing glint in her eye, Blake said in a deceptively-casual tone, "Wow, maybe you should look after Ruby when you look after Xu-Xu, Winter."

"Oh? Oh, I- perhaps so!" Now Winter could feel her own desires returning, but she was well practiced at maintaining a façade; no one else would know she was turned on. Even as she began to casually type…

Not yet. Please? I want to help more… directly. Tell me where to meet u

Here? Really???

But Yang quickly gave Blake a rather playful glare. She might have been oblivious to what Blake was talking about, but assumed it was something else instead. "What are you saying, my sister's a furry or something? Gross."

Another vibration. Ruby had added to her last reply before Winter could type her own: My car.

"Nothing against furries, but if she likes rolling around in the dirt, might be better to have someone putting her on a leash." Again, Blake glanced at Winter with a smirk.

"Well, I think this conversation is taking a turn for the strange," Weiss observed as she reached for another handful of chips to add to her plate. "My sister walking my sister-in-law like a dog! You're weird, Blake."

"Weird, yeah," Blake was muttering while Winter replied to her texts.

Slip out the back and around the house, I'll excuse myself when I can

"Some people are into that," Neon spoke up with a small smirk. In fact, she looked toward not only Weiss who started the conversation, but also occasionally to the woman sat opposite her. The ever-silent Inu.

"For real? People get off on being treated like a dog?" But the more Yang commented on it, the shorter Inu seemed to become as she sank down in her seat, cheeks reddening. Contrary to what the three people at the table who had prior experience in the Clamp assumed, it seemed there was yet another who shared those sorts of interests among them!

But Winter would have to miss that conversation if it went on. She had just received another message:

I'll text Weiss just to tell her I'll be on the phone. Should buy us enough time. I'm headed to the car now, don't keep me waiting or I'll have to start without you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Feeling her heart speed up into her throat, Winter let out a long, beleaguered sigh. Then she texted back a simple “Ok, be there soon” before pushing her chair back, finally putting on the shoe she had dislodged to tease her poor sub.

"I am sorry, I have to take this after all; some business can't wait. Don't worry, I'll just nip out front and take care of it. Excuse me."

But Blake's amber eyes were focused entirely on Winter as she stood. "Well, have fun." It was said flippantly, as if she were being sarcastic, but they both knew she was serious.

"Hurry back!" Weiss bade her as she strode from the table and out the front door. "All this food isn't going to eat itself!"

Due to how much closer the front door was to the car than the back door, Winter actually made it outside first. Therefore, she spent the time slipping off her cardigan and draping it over one arm, strolling lazily toward Ruby's car. Her heart was pounding with excitement, but she didn't dare show it. Not when there was a slim chance someone might glance out the foyer window and spot her dancing like a giddy schoolgirl.

Before Ruby was in sight, the car could be heard unlocking as the lights flashed. Then came one more vibration from the phone.

Just getting my shoes. Get in, seats can be lowered and there's a blanket in the back, be two seconds ; )

Winter blinked down at the message, then pulled the door handle, sliding into the passenger's side. As she closed the door, she began to message back - because it had to be asked.

Where were your shoes before??

I took them off when I first came over. She always keeps the garden clean so I never bothered to put them back on!

But finally, Ruby was in sight walking around the building. She had managed to avoid the gaze of the other guests as she made her way to the car. But just before she got there, she sent one last teasing text.

Surprised you didn't notice actually ; )))))

Biting her lip, Winter wrapped her phone in her cardigan and put it in the back seat, then grabbed the blanket to pull over herself. She waited until the driver's side door opened before she spoke.

"I had other worries on my mind. But… now that you mention it, I do seem to remember spotting some cute little piggies dancing along the floor…"

Quickly shutting the door behind her and locking it, Ruby grinned just as giddily when she looked back to Winter. She could barely even contain herself as she lowered her seat, attempting to create a more comfortable area for their activities.

"I wasn't thinking about it! Not till you started teasing me with yours. You total asshole, by the way!"

"Just thought I'd pay you back," she said with a grin, sliding the blanket so that she could throw it over Ruby, as well. "A little. Not really make you too uncomfortable - at least, I hope I didn't."

"No, it didn't," she assured her. It wouldn’t do to wound their barely-established relationship with misunderstandings. Scootching slightly toward Winter, she shuffled off her own jacket, tossing it to one side. Then started to undo one or two buttons to give Winter more of a view. "Like I said… I'm just so pent up you were about to make me lose my cool. So I'd rather you do that here, in private."

Now that she had been reassured, it seemed Winter wasn't above more teasing. As she watched the buttons open, she muttered, "Didn't want to let on to your big sister that you were all hot and bothered? I can imagine…"

It was certainly helping the situation, making her growl with desire as she felt deep heat brewing between her legs. But that need was becoming more of a priority than any small talk. It had been too long; not only had she enjoyed no sexual contact with Penny since that time in the car, but she had felt no motivation to take care of her urges on her own. But now that they were back with a passion, all she could do was look her dead in the eye.

"Quit teasing me and make me scream already."

As Winter's smile slowly began to fade, she reached over and grasped Ruby, pulling her across the space to lay atop her. A shoe clattered to the floor while she ran her hands up and down her sides, over her hindquarters.

"Ruby, I missed you so fucking much," she growled needily, past the point of caring how it sounded. Her hands were already gouging into the backs of the girl's thighs, digging in as they worked their way closer to her centre.

Several shaky gasps fell from from the younger woman’s lips. Still wearing an elated smile, instinct was already starting to take over. No longer did she care about their sub or Dom roles; this time, it was a case of doing whatever each of them wanted, trusting their intuition. Already Ruby felt her hips pushing forward against Winter's needily, desperate to get anything she could of her and push back against those hands in addition. Her arms wrapped around Winter's shoulders, keeping her close as she pressed her forehead against hers.

"I missed you, too." A hand dived into her hair. "I'm so happy you're here."

"I know how we started," Winter began as one hand slid around Ruby's hip to begin hiking up her skirt, to rub against her through the thin material of her underwear. "But now it's so much more than just training you. I… I have thought about you every single day since the last time we saw each other!"

"Nhhh! God, I'm so glad I'm not the only one!" Already she was so warm – and all over! No doubt Winter would be able to feel just how wet she had been, it was soaking her undies already. Looking her dead in he eye, she whispered, "So what are you waiting for? Fuck me." And without hesitating any longer, she crashed her lips up against Winter's.

As she kissed back, harder than ever before, Winter wasted no time. Ordinarily, her hands would have been doing a thousand things, taunting flesh and ghosting up thighs. In this instance, she jerked the crotch of Ruby's soft cotton panties aside and began to rub up and down her dripping folds, fingers moving with practiced ease.

Finally, Ruby could do just as she wanted to in the presence of everyone in that room. And she didn't hold back, moaning contentedly into their kiss as she continued to thrust her hips forward into the slender fingers. Even if she was glad they could do as they wanted, Ruby was able to come up with one downside to their impromptu session: they didn't have an artillery of Winter's wonderful toys to use. If only they had somehow anticipated this reconciliation.

Not that she was complaining. Slender fingers would be able to bring her to just as satisfying a finish. She knew that deep down. And she was so desperate for it she couldn't hold back any of the needy thrusts.

Clearly, the girl was ready for more. Not wanting to be conspicuously gone any longer than they had to be, she plunged her middle finger straight into Ruby, curling in with great relish as her tongue began to do the same with the beautiful mouth atop her own.

"HMMMHH!"

What a loud and needy sound that fell into Winter's mouth. Yesss, that’s the spot right there, Ruby thought. She continued to push herself forward against Winter's hand while she worked at that sensitive spot inside, feeling the slender and thin finger buried inside her. But one wasn't enough. Oh no. To be truly satisfied, she needed more than that. Ruby’s hand dove down toward where Winter was working and tapping at one of her other fingers with hers lightly. Just enough to give an undoubtable hint.

But it seemed that even now, Winter couldn't be satisfied with doing this the usual way. Pausing their kiss, she panted, "You want another? Go ahead. Add another." As she said this, she switched from middle to index, pushing the rest of her hand as far out of Ruby's way as she could manage.

Trying to keep her volume down by habit, she looked down at Winter wide eyed. That wasn't something she had heard of before; born of them working together to push her to orgasm. But the way Winter was so casual about it excited her so much! It was worth a try. Holding her hand right beside Winter's, she pushed a finger inside, trusting Winter to follow.

She did, keeping pace with the entry. Of course, it wasn't quite so easy to pull off as only one of them using two fingers, but it turned out to be just doable. Having two hands in such an area forced Ruby's legs further apart, but she was young and flexible; it wasn't impossible.

"Oooh," Winter cooed as she felt a foreign digit sliding over her own, both of them buried deep in the waiting sex. "How does that feel?"

For some reason, this made Ruby shudder even more. It was one thing not to be fully in control, it was another to hand it completely over. But to share? How many times has Winter done this with others, she wondered… "S-so good…" she breathed needily, even pushing herself up against the hands right at her welcoming warmth, trying to welcome them further in.

"Yeah?" Panting heatedly, she began to move her finger at the same time as Ruby's - but she couldn't quite get the rhythm. That seemed to make her partner undulate and buck even more than she would have done under ordinary circumstances. "Mmm, you look like you're losing yourself in it… I hope it's in the best of ways."

"Nnhhhh, yeah, it d-definitely is," she assured her, holding still for a moment as she tried to sync herself up with Winter's hand. Each time it wasn't quite matched, she shuddered a little more, even squealed on top of things on occasion. She could feel her toes beginning to curl in her shoes already. Why didn't she get off inside? It would have made things more of a challenge, at least.

Winter's lips found their way to Ruby's neck as she felt her began to buck atop her, as she tried to curl at the same speed. She was also just able to get her thumb right up against her clit as she did so, hoping the slight friction from their movements would be enough to help send her into the stratosphere sooner rather than later.

Continuing to buck and twitch as her neck was kissed, the moaning was unfortunately increasing in volume. She couldn't help it one bit, it was such a strange sensation! At times when Winter would curl her finger, Ruby would in another direction, which made her feel her inner walls very slightly stretched out. That was more filling than anything. She could feel her heart beginning to race as she grasped Winter's shirt with her spare hand, and felt the few stray quivers that informed her it wouldn’t be long now.

"C-close… I-I'm close already! F-fuck! What are you doing to me?!"

"Let it happen! Oh God, Ruby - you sound so good!" Winter flexed her finger faster than ever, inwardly loving the feeling of Ruby's sliding over hers; it felt so foreign and new, added an intriguing dimension for her. Clearly, it was doing way more than for the smaller woman atop her. "Cum for me! Cum hard for me, Lady!"

God had she missed that petname. Finally, she was pushed over the edge. When Winter curled her finger one more time, and she did too, she felt them hit that sweet spot just right. That in addition to Winter's play with her clit, and she was done for. Shuddering on top of her, “Lady” moaned one more time as loud as she was able, feeling her inner walls clenching around the digits inside her. She felt her fluids getting out of control again, sprinkling Winter's leg and the seat very slightly.

But they had done it. In the car, at WEISS’S BIRTHDAY PARTY.

"Ohhh, wow," Winter breathed, gazing up at hey affectionately. "I wasn't thinking about your ejaculation problem. But… it's so hot…" Drawing away, she left a light kiss on her lips. "You'll never know how much I missed that these past few months."

For a moment, she just lay on top of Winter's front, gasping for breath and smiling with glee as she gradually came down from her high. That was something she missed for a long while. It felt like a relief to regain waht they had lost. But they were still on the clock. After a minute, she was pulling out her own and Winter's finger so she could descend. "Your turn."

"Oh… oh, that isn't necessary, Ruby," she told her earnestly as she watched the girl sink to the floorboard. "I just wanted to follow through on what I promised at the dinner table. You don't have to…"

But already Ruby was crammed into the footwell of the passenger seat. She still made sure the blanket was covering her up, but she began to brush her hands up and down Winter's thighs needily. While Ruby first needed to get off, she needed Winter as well. She needed to be the one to hear her moan again. Hitching up her skirt with each brush, she smirked.

"But I didn't get to eat yet."

While watching her down there, Winter couldn't help but sigh and smile gently at the face between her knees. After a beat, she whispered to her, "You're the most beautiful woman in the entire world."

"Hmm… Nope!" Without elaborating, she made sure to tuck the blanket over them both to keep the area covered. Anything else, Winter would just have to feel. And first thing was first, she would kiss the insides of her thighs, making her way upward toward her underwear rather quickly. While she knew Winter needed the teasing, they had a limited time-window.

And the elder woman didn't waste any time in allowing her eyes to close, to relax into the gentle motions. She was going to enjoy it, of course, but if she fought against the tiny ripples of pleasure, it would take much longer than if she rode them out.

Lady managed to nudge aside her panties with her nose again. She had a feeling it would be preferred by Winter to do so, as a gentle reminder of their play from before. One that, since Yang mentioned the dog story, was starting to make sense why she enjoyed! She at first delivered a single, small kiss before she opened her mouth wider against the folds, and went in for the kill.

If the kiss had made her sigh, the actions that followed made her moan. Winter's legs raised up to drape over Ruby's back as she opened herself up to more stimulation, more attentions from the ravenous tongue of her lover.

Lover… The title sounded accurate now. Justified. Even the strange things they had put each other through, the worries and the uncertainty, hadn't been enough to stop them from being together. All she wanted was to see that through, to become one with the only person she had ever cared about beyond friendship. To see where things led.

And right now, they were leading further and further toward Winter's finish. That tongue hadn't lost its talent, and lapped at Winter's sex readily and needily. In particular, she focused on the clit, kissing it on occasion over and over again. But she knew to add more. And a hint of that was coming as she parted the lips further with her fingers, the other hand still stroking her inner thigh.

"Ohhh, yes," Winter panted obscenely, pushing a hand into the side of Ruby's head as her back arched very slightly. "Ruby, please - more! It feels so good, I can't help it, I n-need…"

Ruby would absolutely deliver more. Keeping the lips apart, she finally gave her what she craved. Aware it would be awkward for Winter to join her down there, she entered her body with two fingers. In unison with her licking, she pumped in and out of her body with them. All the while she was smirking as she listened to the sound of her new lover.

Her other partner in addition to Penny. It was a dream come true.

The fingers instantly had Winter screaming, curling her stomach as her hungry sex tried to clamp down on them, hold them inside. It hadn't been as long for Winter since she orgasmed, but it being Ruby was enough to get her within a hair's breadth very quickly. Her lips stretched wide and her head fell back completely as she let the feeling wash over her, as a few more good thrusts sent her spinning off into an explosion of pleasure unlike any she had enjoyed in months.

Though it wasn't just the swift orgasm that ended their spontaneous session. It was a small, but sharp knock on the car window. One that made Ruby's head jerk up from under the blanket.

What she saw was a freckle-cheeked ginger smiling in at them. No one else was standing outside her car, luckily enough; only Penny, looking pleased as could be to see her girlfriend. She waved, being that the windows were up and it would probably be hard to hear her through them.

"Holy shit Penny!" Eyes snapping wide open, Ruby was quick to remove her fingers from Winter's body and pull her panties back into place. Even if Penny couldn't hear them, she still waved back, talking nervously. "U-Um… Hi! I… I meant to message you about this!"

"What?" Penny called back. "Hi!"

"Oh shit," Winter was whispering, blinking at the redhead. Even though she was clearly in a good mood, she still felt awkward that there had been no time to discuss things with Penny directly… before such an unfortunate moment!

"U-Um… Uh…" There wasn't any way to talk to Penny without yelling aimlessly in the car ,or finding her keys to start the engine and roll the window down. Even if it wasn't the most convenient of moments, she couldn't let things slide without saying a word. Resigning to it, Ruby opened the door very slightly, just enough so Penny could hear her talk. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean for you to… to walk up and… U-Uh…"

But Penny simply flung the door wide, squatted down and embraced her girlfriend, even having to crane around Winter's leg the way she did. The genuine warmth and affection in the action told Ruby that she wasn't doing it merely for show; she had just missed her that much.

"I love my parents, but I love you, too," she breathed into Ruby's sweat-dampened hair. "So good to be back."

"W-Wha?!" More shocked than anything at first, Ruby looked at Winter with a look of confusion for a moment, until she finally embraced Penny right back, locking her arms around Penny's shoulders. Although about to grasp her, she held back with one of the hands. Penny would not appreciate that on her back!

"Awww, I missed you, too! I'm just so sorry I couldn't tackle hug you or something! This is… is awkward."

Once Ruby said that, her partner drew back with a slight pinkness in her cheeks. From experience, she knew it was more that Penny was embarrassed than that she was "turned on," of course. "Right. Well, I saw you while I was walking up to the house. Luckily, Taiyang and Qrow didn't notice, so I told them I wanted to get something my suitcase." At last, she spared Winter a bashful glance. "Hello."

"G-good to see you," she murmured, her own face redder than either of the other two.

"Still, I did want to talk to you." Drawing back from their embrace, Ruby looked toward the emerald eyes she adored so much. And then to Winter, as well. The two women she loved, both in the same place. And oddly without a single hitch. How lucky she truly was to have them both, even if it was an awkward circumstance.

"Penny, I'm sorry I’ve been such a sad sack the past few months," she told her, partially explaining for her and Winter's benefit, especially with the next line. "It was my fault for not trying to solve this sooner and letting myself mope. Honestly, I don't know how either of you put up with me sometimes…"

Both of them moved to hug her, but Winter held back when she noticed Penny was doing the same. The latter said, "Sorry, you can go first if you want."

"No, it's… Penny, I'm sorry we haven't spoken properly about this before now." Her eyes flicked toward Ruby and back. "This is an unusual situation, but not unheard of. But clearly we both care very much about Ruby. So… well, it's her decision in the end, but it seems only honest for me to ask you directly, as well. Are you sure you don’t mind? Since you and she had the pre-existing relationship."

"And please don't make a choice solely because of me," Ruby insisted, making sure Penny was looking at her while she said it. Stroking her arm gently, she went on, "Because I want you to be happy, too. I need you to be happy. I don't want you to agree with this but be hating every moment of it."

"But I'm fine." When Ruby only kept looking at her in concern, she sighed and petted her neck. "Okay… I was upset when you first told me you wanted to start going to the club and trying things with other people. But not with you. I… was more frustrated with myself for not being enough for you. For not being wired the way that most people are and not being able to give you everything."

"But you give me everything I need!" She quickly took her hand – and then in addition, took Winter's. She simply made sure Winter's was the hand they'd been doing things with, just so it didn't disturb Penny. "You both do! I don't need sex at the end of the day. It's just… fun! Like going for a walk, or to a convention, it's not a need, it's… almost a hobby! What I need is what you both give me. Love and care, and good times. And that's what I have from you both. And I love you both for it!"

After a moment, Penny smiled and told her in a gentle voice, "I know. I got over that frustration pretty quickly; it was an emotional knee-jerk response. You being happy is a lot more important, and once I realized that you would be, and it wouldn't 'cost' me anything, the rest was pretty easy to process."

"You really don't mind?" Winter asked her, voice steady despite her obvious fear. "One hundred percent sure?"

"Not at all. You have treated Ruby well; even in the story she told me about your argument, I could tell you were very distressed about what she had done and who she had done it in front of. She never said you hit her, or called her a bad person; you were just upset and trying to handle those new feelings. And other than that one incident, she has never had a bad thing to say about you."

"And I kinda blamed myself more, anyway…" Ruby began to sit upright, adjusting her position for ease of movement for Winter. "Anyway… I guess we better head back inside. They'll be wondering where we are."

"Not just yet," Penny said. "Winter, come here a moment."

Bewildered, the taller woman leaned down, taking the moment to right her seat as she did so. It was going to squeeze Ruby a bit, but she was small enough so that she could still easily extract herself. "Yes? Oh!"

"I love you," Penny told her gently as she embraced her. "I have never hated or resented you. What you can do for Ruby is very important because she's important to me. So I don't want you worrying about me; I know you're going to keep treating her well, so I have no reason to be worried, either."

Smiling gratefully, Ruby looked back and forth between both her girlfriends. This was all she could ask for; her two favourite people being okay with one another's company. It would certainly make things easier. Giggling to herself, she suggested, "Maybe one day we can all have a cuddle pile. We’ll need a bigger bed, of course."

"You're welcome to move in with me," Winter told them easily. "Either to all sleep in the same bed, or I could convert my office. But I'm sure you'd rather have your own apartment."

"That would be preferable to me. Not saying we couldn't sleep over at your place." Penny drew back from the hug so she could lay one of her hands on Ruby's shoulder, even as the other remained on Winter's back. "On evenings when you two don't want to have sex, of course; I wouldn't want you worrying about what I'm going to do with myself while you do."

"Well first we'll need to tell dad." Finally getting out from the small space, Ruby took the blanket to finally clean her hand, passing it over to Winter for her to do the same once Penny had let go. "He'll probably be all weepy that his kids have finally left, but he'll help us move."

"Very true." Then Penny beamed at her, cheeks bunching. "Ohh, I'm so happy - you look so much more like yourself than you have the past months!"

Penny threw both arms around her and went in for a big, affectionate kiss. She kissed back gratefully, allowing a moment to open her mouth a little wider to kiss deeper. "MMM!" She suddenly pulled back before Penny went too far, laughing nervously. "That… uh… that’s not a good idea right now. W-we just…"

But the ginger was already smacking her lips in vague confusion. "Oh… right, now I remember what you were doing before I knocked. Well… I guess that's my fault for forgetting, isn't it?" Her cheeks were getting rosier, but her smile was no less satisfied at their circumstances. "Um… I hope she doesn't mind."

"Me?" Winter asked, smiling herself now. Even though it was odd knowing her essence was on this more-or-less stranger’s tongue now, it wasn’t exactly the first time that had happened. "No, not at all! Why should I mind? I just- well, if you're asexual, I didn't… that wouldn't have been something I wanted to happen. But if you're not upset about it, why should I be?"

"You don't taste that different from Ruby, really. No need to be worried." Then she turned back to Ruby and made an even bigger show of kissing her right on the mouth. "It's who I'm kissing that's important, not where their mouth has been. Unless it’s on someone who has been sick, because I don’t want to catch their germs."

Blushing rather deeply, Ruby smiled back at Penny bashfully. She always was able to leave her a giddy mess, even if it was through flattery.

But worried that they really would be missed if they stayed any longer, she finally made an effort to unfold herself from the car, soon followed by Winter. Penny and Ruby headed inside first to avoid suspicion. At least this way, she had the excuse that she was waiting for her when she left to go to the bathroom. Then a few minutes later came Winter, who had “just finished her business”. Yang slid Penny her diet-specific food, along with a few sandwiches and snacks for Ruby and Winter before Qrow and Taiyang could stuff their faces.

"Goodness, Winter, that took forever," Weiss observed from where she was showing one of the women from Fènleng's daycare a photo album. "Business or pleasure?"

"A little of both," she hedged. "How's the party going? Did you get everything you wanted?"

"I did! Thank you for the music box, I didn't know they sold them with any of my songs."

At that, Winter had to smile. "They don't; it was a custom job." God bless Etsy. When Weiss broke away from the other woman to give her a hug, she laughed and hugged back. "Happy birthday."

Smiling contentedly at them, Ruby mostly stood by Penny or hung back by herself, with the main people she knew all busy talking to other party guests. Still, it was the happiest she had felt in months. As she watched her lovers spending time with friends and family, she relaxed back against the wall with her punch. Everything was copacetic.

Until a hand landed on her shoulder. "Hey there, Red."

Nearly jumping out of her skin, Ruby looked straight around to the source. "U-uncle Qrow! Sorry, I forgot you were coming!"

Her uncle laughed confidently, lowering his hand as he stood to one side of her, also leaning back against the wall. "Yeah, Yang sorta insisted. And I kinda needed the day out. It's nice to see the inside of somewhere other than the same old same-old."

"Yeah. I can imagine…" Unable to help it, Ruby was already growing nervous again. She hadn't even discussed anything with Qrow since finding out his living situation – and more. She was too afraid to in case it made things awkward, and lead to awkward questions. But that wasn't helping here at all when she realised she had nothing to say.

But Qrow beat her to it. "So, you and Snowbird sorted things out yet?" When Ruby blinked up in surprise at him, Qrow cut her off before she could speak. "Yeah, I know. Not only did she talk about it, but I saw a beady li’l eye watch me head to my room. You've never been the sneakiest of kids, Ruby."

"Great," the redhead muttered in embarrassment. While looking down at the floor instead however, she did add, "But yes… we talked it out. A-and… it went really well. Everything’s cool."

"Good to hear." Taking a sip of his drink, he sighed easily. Never was one to have ruffled feathers. "Maybe this means she'll be less gloomy. I mean, I tried to cheer her up, but there was only so much I could do."

"Please don't tell me how." Closing her eyes tightly, she tried to push the mental image of her other girlfriend with her uncle back out of her mind. Nobody needed that in their life. "I-I know it was selfish of me… to get mad over such a dumb reason. I think it's because you're more or less a second dad to me."

"You got that right," he laughed. "But, yeah, I wouldn't wanna imagine my pa doing anything with my girl, either. And I guess that's what first came to mind for ya." Though after a while, he cleared his throat, looking with a contented smile toward her. "I really am happy for you both, though. Winter's a special gal, anyone could tell you that. And I can't think of a better match for her than you."

"Qrow…" Against her will, she could feel her eyes beginning to well up. She had expected the conversation to be awkward with him, especially since he clearly enjoyed Winter's company as well. Managing to hold them back, she nodded. "Thank you… I just hope I can do right by her and Penny. Gonna be interesting figuring it all out."

"Kid, you get two birthdays and two Christmas presents now. But I guess that goes both ways." Giving a small pat on her shoulder, he smirked. "Say bye bye to your money."

"Ah, but Ruby is my sub," Winter muttered as she snuck up behind them, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. "Typically, I'll be buying her the gifts. And Qrow has seen the one you gave me hanging up in my 'special' closet."

"The one I-" Although immediately her eyes opened wide when she realised what that was, Qrow could only laugh at her reaction. “You put that on your wall?! But it was just a doodle!”

He mussed her hair slightly. "Don't look so shocked! When I first saw it, I thought she had it done by a professional. Had no idea it was you, squirt!"

Smiling gently, Winter leaned a little closer to Ruby, but still spoke in a tone they could both hear. "All teasing aside, it’s one of my favourite things. You’re really talented and I hope you keep it up."

Then, so quickly that none of the other guests would spot it, she left a tiny kiss behind Ruby's ear. But of course one did, and rolled his eyes. "God, you two, get a room. I'm gonna hang out with Tai and Jacques, see how they're getting along. Grumpy Old Men sequel over there. Take it easy."

And finally he left them on their own. Probably for the best, seeing as the smaller sub's cheeks were glowing red with their typical embarrassment. A side effect of all the affection she would have to get used to. The moment Qrow was well out of earshot, along with the rest of the party, Winter changed the subject.

"You're mine again. We'll have to think of some new fun things to do with you. How about… next time I take you for a walk at the Clamp, we see about slipping a pair of vibrating panties under your suit? Wouldn't that be fun?"

The blush only intensified even more at that idea. The walk alone was enough to do that! "Maybe…" She swallowed nervously. "It'd certainly be… interesting."

"Maybe we'll both wear a pair." Another furtive glance, and she ghosted a hand over Ruby's hind end. "The car was a preview of… coming attractions. There's a lot more in your future."

And with even more of a red blush, Ruby was beginning to sink further and further down the wall in embarrassment. She would be quite a sight for the rest of the evening, but didn't wish for anything else.

"I hope I can get used to this again…"

"Get used to what?" Penny asked as she walked up to them, sliding her hands around Ruby's waist and kissing her gently on the cheek. The action pushed Ruby's behind into Winter's hand again, which squeezed it very slightly.

Lady couldn't wish for anything more under the stars than surviving the embrace and love of her two favourite women. But clearly, history had proven she wasn't afraid to try.

                = End =

                = Stay Tuned for White Noise: Sister Midnight =

[payaso-pastel]

Spidersona Fact Dump + Dimension World Building

Been thinking about 'em lately. More specifically their dimension, so have my trash:

The state of their dimension is a result of a sort of super nuclear war with new found science. Some time has passed since and the world is getting better.

A lot of the fauna was affected, resulting in species so different they looked like something out of a fantasy book.

Normal animals are a rarity, and is illegal around the world to interact with them(some parts are more lenient than others). Many people turned to religions to try and solve their problems(famine, droughts, etc).

Places where weather was already pretty bad, are currently uninhabitable (basically, the Sahara dessert is just a ocean of lava and Antartica is a large piece of dry ice).

A lot of people were affected too, resulting with many having traits of animals and even some objects. Though, when this happens, people become in some way disabled(mentally and/or physically). They're also currently a minority, so the hate against them is still fairly strong.

The science in this world is much more like magic than anything

Europe is considered to be the best place to live in, since a lot of the world's resources(electricity, food, gas, even water) come from there. It's also VERY large

Various things were abolished in the aftermath of the nuclear war. Capitalism, health care(more specifically that thing where you have to pay thousands of dollars to get treatment), usual educational systems, and things like that aren't a thing anymore, as they can no longer prosper in these conditions. Billionaires are also the smallest class, and most of them tend to be philanthropists. In these trying times, no one can really afford to tend to just themselves. That would result in planetary suicide.

There's a sort of system to recognizing dangerous creatures. From 1-10, 1 being enough to cause a small ruckus and 10 being big enough to destroy at least half the planet.

In schools, from kindergarten to college(which is free, by the way), they are taught what is really essential. What to do in case a creature attacks, how to cook, how to conserve money, etc. Things you'll most likely use in the future. History, english, and math is thrown into the mix too. Later, you can choose more 'pointless' (note the quotation marks) things later, like art and music.

A lot of older music and stuff like that is being brought back, mainly for the older memories of simpler times

Many heroes of the OG MCU have changed with the world. The ones who were outside of the world before the war(Thor, the Guardians of the Galaxy, etc.) Have not changed

Now, some stuff with Spiderish:

Spiderish was born shortly after the war, and had to move elsewhere in order to avoid the worst of it. After hearing good things about it, her parents went to Japan

Her real name is Bonnibelle Marcos. She prefers to just go by 'Buni', as she doesn't particularly like how her full first name sounds.

She lives with her Aunt May. She was her dad's brother's wife. Aunt May is a Asian woman that works full time at a restaurant she owns herself. She was originally married to her uncle, until he passed away (and realized she wasn't into men). She took in Spiderish after the incident, and does what she can to raise her right.

Spiderish's cat, Noodle(who is most likely getting a redesign(thinkin' about making him a sphinx, thoughts?), can physically speak. He's fairly sassy and sarcastic, but he'll be up for pets and cuddling if tuna is offered.

She often tries to hide how she looks with makeup and such

Spiderish likes to collect a lot of things from the past, like records, music, and clothing. She'll even pick up old phrases and sayings because they sound cool

The police isn't exactly fond of her, but she makes their work easier

She has a YouTube channel as her hero self. She posts things like 'tips on what to do if someone pulls a knife on you' and stunts she tries. Some videos on Noodle are also there. It has like twenty followers

She can teleport anywhere within her field of vision. Her goggles help her already terrible vision and improve it, thus allowing her to teleport. It's also a regular occurrence to make teleports without meaning to(don't you just hate it when your claws randomly get stuck in reality?)

All of her senses are enhanced. She doesn't like yelling, and likes to play with things like slime, bubble wrap, and reversible sequins for this reason

Get her a tub of cloud slime she she'll be your best friend

May or may not have tried to eat glow sticks

She meets the others by chance. She was fighting a category 4 monster when she crashed into Miles's dimension. And from then on she hangs out with him and the others

[overanalyzingelswordiswhatido]

A Terrible Babysitter Chapter 6

“Elesis, what are you doing?” Add asked. He set down the grocery bag with the replacement energy drinks and another bag of chocolate on the table. He crossed the room to stand next to her, Elsword and Ara.

Elesis beamed up at him, “I’m teaching Ara how to punch people!”

“Properly!” Elsword added excitedly.

Add stared at them blankly for a moment. Finally he just sighed, “Just… No.”

“Just know? What am I supposed to just know?” Elesis cocked her head to the side in bewilderment.

Add rubbed his temples. He shook his head, “Whatever. Have fun. Don’t kill anyone.” Before he took a single step a clang rang through the house. Screams erupted from the kitchen followed almost immediately by the smoke alarms’ incessant screeching. When he arrived at the archway into the kitchen, he saw Rena extinguishing a fire. Lu cackled nearby while Chung and Ciel both watched Rena with wide anxious eyes.

“What happened?!” Add demanded. The oven door hung open and a scorched husk was stuck to a cookie sheet lying on the floor.

“We tried to heat up the pizza but it caught fire instead,” Chung explained quietly.

Add pulled up a screen and used Dynamo to shut off the smoke alarms. He stalked into the kitchen and closed the oven door. The oven was set to 450 degrees when he turned it off.

“We put it out…” Rena pointed out anxiously.

“Why couldn’t you just eat the pizza cold?” Add demanded. He picked up the cookie sheet, ignoring the burning sensation that ripped through his hand to the best of his ability, and tossed it onto the back of the stove. A black rectangle shaped scorch mark marred the linoleum floor.

“It’s pizza,” Rena commented neutrally. “It’s not supposed to be cold.”

“It’s a fucking lunchable,” Add countered. “Those don’t go in the oven, certainly not at 450 degrees.” He shook out his hand and noted to himself he needed to deal with that later.

“But the cheese won’t be melted,” Lu argued.

“Melted cheese doesn’t make it pizza,” Add snapped. “Just eat it cold next time.”

“Sorry,” Chung looked down, clearly ashamed.

Rena and Ciel nodded and Rena repeated Chung’s apology. “The big pizzas in the freezer cook at 450 so we just thought it would work for the little ones too…” the elf explained.

Well now there’s a scorch mark on the floor. Add pressed his lips together. Lu still glared at him defiantly and he didn’t feel like arguing with her. He sighed and tried to sound calm, “Eat it cold next time. It’s not the end of the world.”

It didn’t take long for Add to notice that after everything with the oven all of the kids were oddly quiet and well behaved. Ara sat at the table, using the book she bought the day before to try and fold something other than a paper crane. Over time the others joined her, asking about it.

“I can teach you!” Ara offered excitedly, “And we can all learn to fold stuff together!”

“Ooo okay!” Lu grinned.

Eve looked at Add, “We don’t have enough spare paper for that.”

Add reluctantly got up, “I can go get some then.”

“Can I come?!” Ciel asked. He leaped to his feet, “I promise I’ll be good!”

Add hesitated, waiting for the others to demand to go. Surprisingly, only Chung voiced as much. With a sigh, Add agreed, “Fine. You two can come along.”

“You guys should get cookies!” Lu suggested immediately.

“And juice!” Rena added.

“Paper, juice, and cookies.” Add ran his hands down his face, trying to ignore the exhaustion dragging at his limbs.

“And food for Snowball and Sunshine,” Rose added. “We’re running low on tuna since the, uh… science experiment. That you got mad at us for.”

Add frowned. Of course he got mad at them for that. Mixing every food in the house wasn’t a science experiment. It was just a waste of food. He didn’t have enough energy to get worked up over that again though. “Right. Tuna, paper, cookies, juice.” With a glance at Chung and Ciel to make sure they were ready to go he walked out to the store.

Chung hurried after Add and grabbed his hand while Ciel half skipped on his other side.

“Why kind of juice should we get?” Chung asked.

“We probably should’ve asked before we left…” Ciel pointed out.

“Well we’ve already left so we’ll just have to figure it out,” Add reasoned. He was not going back to the house only to have to deal with them fighting over which juice they wanted.

“Oh no. We don’t know what kind of cookies to get either!”

“We’ll just get one container of each kind of cookie and call it a good day,” Add assured Chung. If there weren’t so many different kinds of juice they could do the same with that. He sighed, “What’s your guys’ favorite juices?”

“I like apple juice a lot,” Chung answered almost immediately.

Ciel took a moment to think before he gave his answer, “I like fruit punch.”

“And orange juice!” Chung added.

Ciel nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah! Orange juice!”

“So… we’ll just get orange juice, apple juice, and fruit punch,” Add decided. If any of the others didn’t like it they would have to deal. They didn’t come along with him to the store, so they didn’t get to choose. He grabbed an energy drink as they were finishing up.

“Can I carry the paper?” Ciel asked.

“Sure,” Add answered. He held the bag out to the half demon, “It’s kinda heavy.”

“I’ll carry the tuna!” Chung offered. He grabbed the bag holding the cans and held on to it with both hands.

Add glanced at him. He shrugged, “If those get to heavy for either of you, you can put it on Dynamo.” He put the other bags on Dynamo but carried his drink so he could pop it open the moment they left they store.

When they got back, Elesis, Raven, Rose and Elsword were in the process of moving the furniture around to make room for them to all sit in a circle in the middle of the room. Ara stood beaming in the corner with her origami book held close to her chest. Aisha stood next to her, nose deep in her own book. Lu sat on Eve’s shoulders while the nasod split the snacks that were still in the house evenly so Ain and Rena could set them up in a circle.

“You’re back!” Lu noticed them first.

“Bring the cookies here,” Eve ordered.

Ciel set the paper down where he stood to grab the cookies. He hurried across the room and set them down in front of her.

“Give me the tuna and take Eve the juice,” Add told Chung, holding out his hand.

Chung grunted as he lifted the bag full of cans up to Add’s hand. Once he was free of them he took the juice to Eve, mimicking Ciel’s enthusiasm.

Add took the tuna into the kitchen and set the bag on the counter. At the sound, Snowball, the more social of the two cats, sprinted into the kitchen and leaped to the counter. She skidded along it, straight into the sink. Her back paws landed in a bowl half full of water and she leaped back on the counter, shaking out her wet paws in disgust.

Add chuckled and petted her before grabbing a plate for her to eat off of. That was when Sunshine, a golden cat with sleek short fur, trotted calmly into the kitchen. She leaped onto the counter and sat on the edge, much more dignified than the other cat. He grabbed her a plate as well and served the cats their dinner. After feeding them, he sat down at the table and stared into space, trying hard not to doze off.

“It’s dinnertime now!” Elesis’s voice jerked him out of his thoughts.

Add jumped and looked at her. He sighed, “Okay, so get something to eat. There’s plenty of stuff.”

“You aren’t gonna make something?!” Elesis whined.

Add shook his head, “No.”

“Not even something simple?”

“No.”

“But I want to help you make dinner!”

“You always want to help make dinner but I’m not cooking.” Add motioned to the kitchen, “There’s lunchables and cereal and other simple stuff like that you can get yourselves.”

Elesis was undoubtedly upset with him again. She kept shooting glares and muttering mutinous comments. Halfway through finishing her dinner, she spoke loudly enough he could hear, “Lunchables don’t count as dinner.”

Add shrugged, “They do in this house.”

“They aren’t even real food,” Rena complained.

Add looked at her silently for a moment. He waved his hand dismissively, “There should be carrots or something in the fridge if you would prefer.”

“Ew,” Rena shook her head adamantly, “Carrots are disgusting!”

Add almost laughed. Who knew Rena didn’t like carrots? As an adult she seemed fond enough of using them as ingredients. “Then stop complaining and eat your lunchable.”

After dinner Add stared at the sink full of dishes. He glanced at the dishwasher and debated leaving the dishes for another day. Then again, just earlier that day, he caught Snowball drinking week old water from one of the bowls in the sink instead of her perfectly clean water bowl. He really needed to clean the dishes before the dumbass cat managed to poison herself. Grumbling and complaining under his breath, he opened the dishwasher. He glanced around the kitchen. His eyes narrowed and he muttered, “I don’t even know where anything fucking goes in this stupid place.” With a shrug he reasoned he could just estimate and Rena or Ciel would fix it when they got back to normal.

When Add was done he sat on the couch and pulled one of his knees up to his chest. He watched the kids fight with the paper shapes they were trying to make until his exhaustion overtook him and everything faded away.

[thetirisfaltheatretroupe]

[Script Archive] Hellthreequel: The Third One

<<The following is a play that has been retired from the Tirisfal Theatre’s library, and will only reoccur for private events for the foreseeable future. This script has been placed here so that those who enjoyed the play or wish to perform it themselves may do so. Credit for this comedic performance goes to the Tirisfal Theatre Troupe>>

<Scroll to the bottom for trivia about this play, as well as our original poster!>

<CAST: Garrosh Hellscream, Wrathion, Kairozdormu, Grom Hellscream, Kargath Bladefist, Durotan, Blackhand, Ner’zhul, Kil’rogg Deadeye, Gul'dan, Mar’gok’s Emissary>

<Thrall enters the stage and bows, then begins the opening narration>

[Thrall]: Hellscream… <he shakes his head.> If ever there was a greater mistake for a Warchief, I cannot possibly think of it.  

He escaped justice in Pandaria and fled to an alternate reality, where he was eventually found building an army from the Horde of the past in a land my people.. thought they would never see again.

<he runs a hand down his beard and looks down a moment before looking back to the audience.>

Yet.. was it fate, I wonder, that brought him down before this army could do any real damage?

Or was it just that they were all so very -stupid-?

Ladies and gentlemen, the final chapter in the Hellsqueal trilogy: Hellthreequel: The Third One! Enjoy!

<he bows and leaves the stage>

<The scene opens with Garrosh and Kairoz arriving in a ‘flash of light’ to Nagrand’> <NOTE: Invisibility potion before entering the stage, get in position, and as soon as said ‘flash’ effect happens, cancel the invisibility buff and begin> [Wrathion]: BEHOLD! What our discoveries upon the Timeless Isle have yielded! Through the chaos of the twisting nether, we have warped time and space itself, and created a branch on the tree of time that bore fruit! This fruit…DRAENOR! Uncorrupted. Untainted! Ripe with a powerful race of orcish legends to face off against the Burning Legion itself! [Garrosh]: <scratches his head> Wait a sec, who the Thok are you?

[Wrathion]: Why, I am the one who DOUBTLESSLY crafted this ingenious plan to spirit you away to this alternate timeline! Son of Deathwing and SAVIOR of Azeroth!

Your military charisma will sow the seeds of a grand new Horde! One that will surely be strong enough to square off against the Burning Legion!

[Garrosh]: …so we’re planting a garden? [Kairoz]: <turns to Wrathion> I hate you so very, very much for this. [Wrathion]: Oh what, you think you could come up with a better plan? [Kairoz]: Actually, yeah. I do. Because you’re incompetent. And he’s incompetent. [Garrosh]: Actually, I’m just hungry. This wobbly wibbly wimey timey stuff is murder on the old gut – got anything to eat? Not big on fruit.

[Wrathion]: Look, maybe Garrosh has a point here, Kairoz. Perhaps we are all simply…hungry.

<wrathion claps his hands together>

Yes. I’ll go and get us something to eat, then we can discuss our plan over our meal and a game of charades. Won’t that be FUN? [Kairoz]: It’s really difficult to take the son of Deathwing the Destroyer seriously when your voice cracks that high. [Wrathion]: I’ll just…<points off stage> Go grab us some sandwiches or something… You two have at it for a bit. <walks off stage, sulking> [Kairoz]: <turns to Garrosh> Alright, punk. Listen up. You’re obviously an idiot and a blow hard who can’t be reasoned with. But I need you to throw a wrench into Wrathion’s plan. [Garrosh]: Well, I mean…I guess I could. Only problem is uh…

[Kairoz]: <raises an eyebrow> Well? What seems to be your malfunction, Hellsqueek?

[Garrosh]: Hey, that’s Hellsqueal…I mean Scream! [Kairoz]: And that’s the title drop.

[Garrosh]: Whoa whoa, leave the fourth wall alone! It’s been through enough! [Kairoz]: Answer my question already. What is your issue with me? [Garrosh]: </rudes> Well, I just don’t like your FACE! [Kairoz]: The feeling is mutual, Hellmoan. But I have an idea that I think will work out better than Wrathion’s. Best part is, it’s something even you can’t screw up, BECAUSE it involves you screwing up! Would you be interested? [Garrosh]: Hrm…screwing things up IS what I do best. And momma Hellscream always told me to stick to what you know. What the Thok, I’ll do it!

[Kairoz]: Grand. All you need to do, is deliver a very important message to your father, Grom Hellscream. I-- [Garrosh]: My father? <sobs> MY FATHER IS DEEEEAD! WAH HAH HAH! [Kairoz]: No, no he’s not. Not in this era. [Garrosh]: Wait, huh? Daddy lives?! OH! OH THAT’S GREAT!

We’re gonna go fishing, kick a few gnomes off of cliffs, we’re gonna go Mechano-hog riding, and then we can go to the Darkmoon Faire and ride the little sandbox tigers together! Ooooh, oh oh and camp the Darkmoon Deathmatch too! Oh this is gonna be a great day! [Kairoz]: No no, listen. You need to tell him that everyone on the other side of the Dark Portal is in cahoots with the Burning Legion.

[Garrosh]: Wait, so you’re telling me to tell my dad, who in this era is still a primitive orc from a time when we were neck deep in superstition and so easily fell for the Burning Legion’s lies that the entirety of Azeroth is the demons…

..thus throwing both worlds into an inter-dimensional and inter-space time conflict that could result in...

...thousands of pointless deaths on both sides, repeat the same shit that corrupted my people in the first place, and paint my father once more as a villain in the eyes of history? [Kairoz]: Um… well…yes. Actually. <clears his throat>

That was astonishingly well phrased, Hellmumble.

[Garrosh]: What was well phrased? [Kairoz]: What you just said. [Garrosh]: What did I just say? [Kairoz]: That…that bit about how you telling your father that they are agents of the legion is-- [Garrosh]: <breaks into sobs> DADDY IS DEEEEEAD! Wahaha! [Kairoz]: <sighs heavily> Look, we’re going full circle again. Are you in, or are you out? [Garrosh]: <sniffs and dries his tears> I’m in. [Kairoz]: Good, good. Then remember that no matter what Wrathion says, you’re still to-- [Garrosh]: <turns away> On second thought, I’m out. [Kairoz]: …okay then, perhaps you’d rather-- [Garrosh]: Nevermind, definitely in. <nods> [Kairoz]: Dammit, Garrosh, you’re not a freakin’ cat. [Garrosh]: Fine, fine. I’ll go along with your plan, Kel’thuzad. [Kairoz]: It’s…Kairoz. Kairozdormu. How did you get Kel’thuzad out of―nevermind. Alright, let’s shake on it. Put ‘er there. <holds out his hand> [Garrosh] Okay! <slams his axe into Kairoz’s chest> Oooh! OH! Oops, sorry, I thought you meant―ohhhh… [Kairoz]: You…freaking…nimrod… [Garrosh]: Oh sheesh, that’s a lot of blood. Oh um… Better uh…get out of here before that Wrathion kid comes back. Um…so yeah, we’ve got a deal and uh…take care of yourself. I gotta split.

[Kairoz]: UGggh…

[Garrosh]: UM! I MEAN! I have to cut this short―

[Kairoz]: Aggh…

[Garrosh]: WAIT NO! Let me just get to it, chop-chop-- [Kairoz]: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE! PLEASE! NO MORE PUNS! [Garrosh]: Sheesh, no wonder they axed your character so early. Alright, time to go get a slice of vengeance. <exits the stage> [Kairoz]: In my dying moments…what have I unleashed upon the universe? Am I but a cogwheel in the mechanisms of time, forever obscured and greyed upon the golden backdrop? Or did I serve as the spark that lit the flame? Time will tell. Time. Will. Tell. <dies> <Wrathion enters the stage with 2 hoagies in his hand> [Wrathion]: Alright, I was out of tuna, but I did manage some extra Elwynn ham while we were packing the picnic basket. Nothing says teamwork like a team lunch and― <he spots Kairoz’s corpse and drops the sandwiches> By my father’s monolithic chin! What the Thok happened here?!? <he looks side to side, shrugs, and stuffs Kairoz’s corpse in some bushes> Better get out of here, I am NOT going to be taking the fall for this one! <sneaks off stage> <END SCENE>

<Thrall returns to narrate>

[Thrall]: Wrathion was never found. At least, I think.

Garrosh found himself in a strange and yet familiar world, where Draenor was whole, and yet nothing seemed the same as it were.

Thinking himself above Kairozdormu’s plans, he located the Warsong Clan, after stumbling stupidly in the wilderness for some time.

His… sense of direction was never the best... You could put him in a room and tell him to move forward and he'd probably fall straight into the ground instead.

Soon, he stood before Grommash Hellscream, the Chieftan of the Warsong Clan, and..

His own father. However, as he would soon learn, the strangest thing about this world..

Was yet to be revealed. <Thrall leaves. Next scene opens with Garrosh kneeling before Grom> [Garrosh]: Wha…huh? Where am I? I feel like we’re missing some context here. [Grom]: Well, stranger, to better explain your current situation, you um… kind of happened to burst into my Warsong War Tent, screaming something about your father, then you collapsed, woke up, and repeated the cycle. Twice. [Garrosh]: Huh? OH! Oh wait wait, Warsong? I’M Warsong! We’re totally like…family or something! [Grom]: Uh..wait, hold on a moment. I need to get my glasses. [Garrosh]: Glasses? [Grom]: Mhm. One moment. <Grom reaches into his loincloth and puts a monocle on>

There we are. Now I can see you perfectly. Ah, you have the markings of the Warsong upon you. That’s uh…very good. Very, very good. Now we can spare a few expenses with the cleanup since we don’t have to eviscerate you. <Grom turns and waves off stage> False alarm, boys. You can uh…put the mops away. <he returns his focus to Garrosh> Anyway, you’re no Warsong I’ve ever seen. Hrm. Hope you, ahem, have a good reason for being here. [Garrosh]: <rises> Hrm…uh…oh, I had something tell you. It was kind of important. OH! Right! Demons! [Grom]: Care to be a little more specific there? [Garrosh]: Yeah uh…demons and uh. Something about blood, and a really bad drink.

And then there’s this portal that…things come out of. Oh, and there’s this awesome planet called Azeroth that has like tons of resources and stuff you can take to empower the clans to fight against the demons. [Grom]: Hum. I can uh…tell you’re not exactly the…brightest of individuals, but let me see if I can piece together your story.

You’re telling me that there is another world inhabited by demons or demon associates, rich with resources and land, and to unite the clans in order to seize control of this world for the betterment of our people…

…and prepare for the possibility of an invasion from said demons? [Garrosh]: …wait is that what I said? [Grom]: And a bad drink. Well, Gul’dan did send me a missive about some kind of destiny earlier, perhaps that has something to do with him. We’ll deal with that later. Seems like we’ve got a bit of work to do. [Garrosh]: We do? [Grom]: You’re ...kind of a boneheaded little guy, aren’t you? If what you’re saying is true, and considering the chain of events that have unfolded recently, I’d say it’s time indeed to unite the clans.

I uh…have a job for you if you’re willing. [Garrosh]: <throws his hands in the air> Why does everyone want me to do jobs for them? Huh? What ever happened to people getting jobs from ME? [Grom]: I promise not to berate you on your enormous jaw line if you promise to stop whining. [Garrosh]: DEAL! [Grom]: Good. Then I need you to come with me. We’re going to gather the clans, starting with the Shattered Hand. <walks off stage> [Garrosh]: <stands there and picks his nose> My jawline isn’t bad…it’s just big enough to block a few dozen arrows. [Grom]: You uh..might want to get your ass in gear. [Garrosh]: <grumbles> Coming! Sheesh, way you boss me around already you’d think you were my dad or something. <They leave, next scene starts> <The next scene begins narrated by the narrator. Grom and Garrosh approach a hut with Kargath Bladefist sitting in front of it. Thrall bows and begins narrating the scene> [Thrall]: And so it was, The grand idiot Hellscream and his father, whom he was too stupid to realize at the time was in fact his father, made their way to the home of  legendary Kargath Bladefist.

Kargath was the most fierce gladiator of the Highmaul coliseum and chieftain of the Shattered Hand, a clan that was known to be...pretty savage. What Garrosh didn’t know was that this would be the beginning of a journey ridden with harsh trials, actual effort, and strange otherworldy accents. Hrm…why does that sound so familiar? <Narrator shrugs and leaves the stage> [Grom]: Alright, Garrosh. I’d like you to let me do the talking, if you don’t mind. [Garrosh]: Wait, then why did you even need me to come here? I could have been watching my goblin soaps―erm… I mean, crushing our enemies! [Grom]: That’s uh…well and good, but I need to be able to point to you when Kargath asks me who this prophet who informed me of this ‘Azeroth’ is. You understand. [Garrosh]: What’s an Azeroth? [Grom]: …I’m uh, just going to give you the benefit of the doubt and presume you hit your head as a child. [Garrosh]: Yeah, that’s probably for the best, not gonna lie. [Grom]: Hm. Well. Anyway. <turns to Kargath>

Lok’tar, chief of the fearsome Shattered Hand. I’ve come to you with dire news. Gul’dan plans to betray us at the summit. [Bladefist]: <grunts and rises to his feet, speaking in a deep, gravelly tone> Well that’s pretty Thokin’ savage of him. Just, y’know, not in the cool way.

Not surprised though, guys was always kinda a giant ogre sack. Uh…oh yeah, speaking of… who the hell is the walking phallus? <gestures to Garrosh> [Grom]: Oh, him. Uh. He’s the uh…prophet that came from another time and place to warn me of Gul’dan’s treachery. [Bladefist]: And you’re just gonna uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…roll with that, right? [Grom]: That would be the plan. Yes. [Bladefist]: <takes a deep breath> Yeaaaah I'm not gonna lie, this sounds like the kind of crap Ner’zhul would make up. Not really you, Grom, never really pegged ya for a uh… for an ordinary Grokoff like that. But hey, I’m always up to kick some ass. That’s doable. [Garrosh]: …hey uh…can I pull you aside real fast here? [Grom]: I’m kind of busy, Garrosh, can it wait?

[Garrosh]: NO! [Grom]: <sighs> One moment, Kargath. [Bladefist]: Naaah, it's whatever, not like I was doing anything with my day.

Hey, I’ll go get the rest of the guys while you deal with this giant clefthoof pile. We’ll all meet you at the Warsong place with that big ass campfire indoors, maybe dice up a coupla ogres and give it a paint job. <waves and walks off stage> [Grom]: Alright, what? [Garrosh]: So uh…not sure if you noticed. Really don’t want to alarm you but… [Grom]: But? [Garrosh]: <points in the direction Kargath walked in> That guy’s only got one arm. [Grom]: …yeah? [Garrosh]: It’s gross! In my Horde, we’d just execute the weak and injured who couldn’t fight to my standards. Well, that assumes I had standards, but…point stands. [Grom]: I uh…assure you, Garrosh, Kargath is definitely the kind of chief we would benefit from the favor of. That, and he’s a grand warrior, I can assure you. As for your ‘Horde’, well, I guess we can see why you’re here, now. There comes a time when we need to learn from our mistakes and iron them out. <turns away> Iron. Iron. Hm… Iron.

Horde. Iron Horde, okay, someone write that down. <walks off stage> [Garrosh]: <stops in his tracks> …but…it was my idea. I should get to name it. <walks after him> <Scene ends> <The next scene opens with Garrosh and Grom gathered before all the Warlords> [Bladefist]: So I went out and gathered these Grokoffs while you two were busy makin’ out or something, buncha time wasting pieces of…pieces of shit. [Grom]: Good. That should allow us to get a start on the task at hand. Garrosh, I want you to meet my fellow chieftans. You already know Kargath. [Bladefist]: Bite me, gronn scrotum. [Grom]: Over here we have Chief Blackhand. He leads the Blackrock clan. [Blackhand]: Ands I haves the most sexiests accents of any orcs. [Garrosh]: …why does he sound like that goblin I ordered pandaren food from and tipped with a booterang to the head? [Grom]: Kilrogg Deadeye, lord of the jungle and the Bleeding Hollow. [Kilrogg]: Eeh, more like lord of the deence reely, not much for lordin’ over mosquitoes and stuff. Suckin’ all the blood outta them veens of mine, really bites when yer tryin’a geet a buzz. [Grom]: Here is Durotan, lord of the frostwolf clan of Frostfire Ridge. [Durotan]: <in a REALLY high pitch voice> Ifs yous gots an ass, I’LL KICKS IT! [Garrosh]: Hey, you sound like Blackhand sorta. Cept really squeaky! Are you two brothers or something?

[Both Blackhand and Durotan]: Nos relations.

<Both of them stare at one another for a moment and blink> [Blackhand]: Stops copies mes. [Durotan]: No yous stops copies MES! [Blackhand]: You stops copies MES, you bigs boar piles! [Durotan]: Wells you knows whats they says, immitamations ams the best forms of flatteries, so I guess yous ams just beings really nices to mes. [Garrosh]: …wow. And here I thought I talked like a moron. I can forsee this getting annoying really quickly. [Grom]: Now that we’ve uh…done role call, I think now we should move on to the most important matter at hand. Gul’dan is-- [Ner'zhul]: AHEM! [Garrosh]: I think the wind just talked. [Grom]: Hrm. Oh, of course. I completely forgot. That’s Ner’zhul. Shadowmoon chieftan. Anyway, as I was say-- [Ner'zhul]: Oh thok you, sthtuck up ath-hole! I’m tha betht there ith at thhhhadow magic, so fathe it – you need me. [Garrosh]: <wipes off his face> He spat on me like three times just trying to say shadow. [Kilrogg]: Must be a new experience, meeting someone dumber’n you, eh big guy? <nudges Garrosh> [Garrosh]: Yeah, how does it feel Kargath? [Bladefist]: <grunts> Go uh…jump of a damn cliff or something, I dun really care, whatever… [Grom]: Let’s uh…remember why we’re here now. We’ve got to focus, boys. Gul’dan plans to deceive us at the summit coming up.

We need to teach him that nobody, um, pardon my language, ‘thoks’ with our people and gets away with it.

Make an example out of him. Honestly, it’s the best move, considering if we don’t, he’s likely to cause…utter panic and havoc anyway. [Ner'zhul]: Ugh…Gul’dan things he’s shoooo cool with his fancy green magic and thtuff. [Bladefist]: Yeah but uh…that shit ain’t easy to deal with. Like uh…it burns.

Pretty bad. Y’know, like…fire or something. [Blackhand]: Yeahs, excepts the fires cans actually damages me! I used to haves a full heads of hairs, then I calleds hims a rylakk's flacid you-know-whats. Then IT HURTS MES! [Durotan]: And its ams nots the best ways to cooks your boar meats. I trieds once and gots a tummys aches. I does nots recommends its, unless you likes your meats super spiced.

[Garrosh]: Oh, OH OH! I have a plan! I have a plan! [Grom]: Well, considering your insight into the future, Garrosh, I would say you have the best chance at coming up with a successful plan. I’ll uh…put my faith in you for this one. [Garrosh]: Yeah, it’s gonna be great! No no, just follow my lead, okay? Every last one! First, we build giant…

Metal…

Balls! [Bladefist]: …yeah, this plan’s already sounding thokkin’ stupid, but I ain’t got nothing better to do this afternoon.

<end scene>

<The narrator comes on stage>

[Thrall]: Garrosh then told them of the technology he’d amassed in his rule over Orgrimmar. He spent days and days trying to figure out how they worked – until finally, he found the power switch... It was then that he knew just what he had to do. And on that fateful night, when the orcs were supposed to be corrupted by the demon blood offered by Gul’dan, the very same that plagued my people, something quite different happened than what history originally foretold! <Thrall leaves the stage> <The scene opens with Grom and Garrosh walking to the summit together. Garrosh is wearing a cloth hood> [Grom]: I’ve been uh…meaning to ask. Why? [Garrosh]: Huh? Oh, why the sexy hood? It’s to make me look mysterious and build up my musk and sweat. [Grom]: Neither of those applications seem very well thought out. How do you think that’s going to help us in the fight against Gul’dan? [Garrosh]: It’s supposed to help? [Grom]: Nevermind. He’s already here. I can smell him from where I stand. [Garrosh]: Huh? Oh, that’s just me. I haven’t taken a bath since before the last play we did. [Grom]: Well, we’ll uh…have to have a chat about that later. Here he is…in all his unholy, befouled foolishness. <The sky rains green fire and Gul’dan appears in a blaze of fel glory> [Gul'dan]: Whoohoooo! I’m Gul’dan, the Lock and Roll orc! I TAINT ARCAAAAANE! [Garrosh]: He puts his taint on a cane? That’s gotta hurt. [Grom]: No, he taints arcane. From what you told me, that’s what this ‘fel’ is, right? Honestly, it sounds a bit easier to roll off the tongue, so we’ll have to patent that.

[Garrosh]: Nah, for some reason I like “I taint arcane”! Lets me get to know the guy better! Like what his hobbies are. Do you think he likes playing cards?

[Grom]: Let’s make this quick. What do you want from us, Gul’dan? [Gul'dan]: <approaches Grom and Garrosh> Kek kek kek kek yayeah, I just want you to drink this here green stuff and join my army of the depraved and fel touched! I TAINT ARCAAAANE! [Garrosh]: We heard you the first time, and that STILL sounds uncomfortable as hell! [Grom]: Well uh, let’s consider the ups and the downs. From what you told me, Gul’dan, this drink will give us phenomenal strength and power. [Gul'dan]: That’s kek kek kek kek right, baby! C’mon and join the legion – we got all sorts of demon hunnies here to cuddle with when you’re rulin’ over creation! <walks up to Garrosh and whispers> Seriously, man, LOTTA arcane! Turns ya all green and stuff! [Garrosh]: Just call it fel! It SOUNDS cooler than a cane’s taint! [Grom]: Hrm. Great power. Power is something all orc legends have, this is true, BUT…what, Gul’dan, do we have to give in return? [Gul'dan]: Aw, it ain’t much baby. Just a lil’ bit of…

KEK KEK KEVERY THING! [Grom]: Huh. Well, I was afraid of that. Judging by the uh…unfair and one sided contract involved with being enslaved to a force of universal tyrants, I believe it is in the Iron Horde’s best interest to refuse your offer.

[Garrosh]: Hrmph. I liked Garrosh’s Horde better… [Gul'dan]: Awww, come on, baby! You know you wannaaaaa! [Grom]: No. And if you call me baby one more time, what we do to you next will hurt a lot more. [Gul'dan]: What do you kek kek kek mean? [Garrosh]: <turns off stage> NOW! <Kargath, Blackhand, Durotan, Ner’zhul, and Kilrogg all come on stage and encircle Gul’dan, then begin beating him up>

NOTE: All target him and use ‘the pigskin’ in close proximity to make it look like they're beating him up> [Kilrogg]: Teek that ya green arse! [Blackhand]: Yous ams nots my REAL DADS! [Durotan]: This ams for the wolves, you big bloated broccolis! [Ner'zhul]: Yeah, and don’t forget who thent ya runnin home to yer mother! [Grom]: Alright, boys, that’s enough. Load him into the Iron Canon. [Gul'dan]: <twitching> Kek kek kek whaaaa?! No no no, anything but the canon, baby! I’ll do anehthing! <they walk Gul’dan over to the appointed ‘canon fire’ spot and Gul’dan gets loaded up. NOTE: Gul'dan actor must have obtained Darkmoon Cannon toy) (Additional Note: Canon is mispelled on purpose, explanation in Trivia)> [Ner'zhul]: FIRE IN THE THOKING HOLE! [Gul'dan]: THIS WAS NOT OUR KEK KEK DESTINYYYYYYYYYYYY! <gets fired out of the play area> [Garrosh]: Yes! My plan worked! My plan that I so carefully cooked up! NO ONE could have thought to shoot Gul’dan out of a cheap canon! I’m such a genius! [Kilrogg]: <grumbles> Anyone else wanna fire dis guy outta one’a dem canons too? [Durotan]: I mean sortas, cuz WOW-WEE he’s a dingbat. [Grom]: Boys, boys. Stop. No more fighting, okay? We should celebrate this union of the clans overcoming Gul’dan’s treachery.

Oh, and uh…Ner’zhul, gonna need you to retrieve his unconscious body wherever he lands. We kind of still need it to rip over a dimensional gateway through time and space. [Ner'zhul]: Thoking theriouthly? Thith blowths… <Ner'zhul exits in the direction Gul'dan was fired> [Grom]: Now let’s all go and celebrate our success with a big barrel of cherry grog. Then afterwards, discuss how we move forward. [Kilrogg]: Eh, sounds kinda borin, but…there’s booze involved so count me in I guess. <the warlords all leave the stage, except Garrosh> [Garrosh]: <sighs heavily> Me me…<sigh> Pick me... <walks after them, unenthused> <end scene> <The next scene opens with the Warlords all at a meeting of the minds…or lack of minds, rather> [Grom]: Alright, so brainstorming session. How can we drive the Iron Horde war machine ever forward? Let's toss some ideas around, chop chop. Let's move.

[Ner'zhul]: Well I think we should justh call the Dark Sthtar, kill them all and enslave their SOULS--!

[Bladefist]: Damn it Ner'zhul, we told you to close your mouth when you speak, Thokin spitting everywhere...

[Blackhand]: Yeah, no ones really gives a shits anyways, Ner'zhuls. Why ams you even HERES?

[Durotan]: I gives a shits!

[Blackhand]: You takes a shits ams more likes it.

[Bladefist]: Yeah, you...<grumble> Damn tryhard, always trying too hard and shit...

[Kilrogg]: Oh wait, now that I theenk of it, Kargath, you had a friggin' awesome idea earlier, deedn't ya?

[Bladefist]: Huh? Oh, oh, yeah I was just thinking that...if I we like all had blades or something for hands, we wouldn't be disarmed, uh...yknow?"

[Blackhand]: Jah, likes I coulds puts my hammers on my hands and I could go FWOOSH BOOM BURN CRUNCH, TAKES THAT IMPREGNATORS MAR'GOK!"

[Durotan]: Oooh, ands Is coulds puts myselfs an extra axe on my hands whats could helps me chops firewood without havings to hauls it around likes a dead animals!

[Bladefist]: Yeah like, you wouldn't have to Idunno, pick it up or whatever cuz it's always there.

[Ner'zhul]: Yeah but--

[Blackhand]: No one CARES, NERZ'ZHULS! <chucks a prop at him (NOTE: Tree trinket from Stormheim is perfect for this – no one expects it>

[Grom]: Boys, I've told you this before. We cannot replace all of your limbs with blades. Oh, and they're right, Ner'zhul, no one really cares.

[Ner'zhul]: Thok…

[Bladefist]: Aw come ooooooon, why nooooot?

[Grom]: Because then you wouldn't be able to walk or pick things up.

[All of Them]: ....soooooooooooooooooooooooooo?

[Garrosh]: Alright, I've got a better idea. What if we all...just focus entirely on making tons of single use, really expensive and time consuming to construct and barely better than a large catapult explosive Iron Stars?

[Grom]: Hum...I...hardly think that would be an efficient use of resources, especially when you brought over schematics for far more uh...impressive machines.

[Bladefist]: Look, Grom, we'll make a deal with you.

We promise to stop asking to have weapons grafted onto our limbs - except for me, because I'm above all this - IF...you make all those Thokin’ Iron Stars, cuz that sounds savage as thok. Only good idea he's come up with, really.

And...OOH OOH, make a big ass canon too that we can fire it out of!

[Grom]: Um...sure, I suppose a massive canon and siege carrier of some sort could be made. It would certainly help bringing along our various turrets and--

[Bladefist]: No no, see, that's the best part - make this thing ONLY a big canon to shoot Iron Stars with.

And like, make it only go forward, so when people see it coming, they're like "Ooooooh. Ooooh noooooo! Everythiiiing in this general direction is screwwwwwwed!"

[Grom]: Look, if you allow me to have a few smaller defensive canons mounted to it, will you shut up about it?

<The Warlords all nod>

[Durotan]: Hey, cans I names it in that case? I wants to names it after my mothers wolves whats dieds when I was just a boys.

[Grom]: Fine, what was the wolf's name?

[Durotan]: Worldsbreakers.

[Blackhand]: You ams lyings, your wolfs had pansy ass name like White fangs or some shits!

[Durotan]: Hey don'ts you calls hims that you big melting rlyak dongs! I'LL KILLS YAS!

[Kilrogg]: I dunno, I kinda like Worldbreeker and stuff. But can we paint fleemin' stripes all over it and stuff?

[Garrosh]: I'd prefer the name "Garrosh's Idea". Since it was MY idea!

[Bladefist]: Hell no! We may as well call it the Grokoff's left nut if we're gonna do that.

[Ner'zhul]: HYEAH! Or the Pain in my Asth!

[Grom]: Garrosh, perhaps you should let me have the floor. [Garrosh]: But it's MY IDEA!

[Grom]: <points off-stage> You've done enough, now go.

[Garrosh]: <cries and walks away, stomping his feet and throwing a fit> Was MY idea! MINE! Nobody talks that way to me, ARGH! <kicks a marmot into the crowd, use marmot toy from Valley of the Four Winds>

[Kilrogg]: Gee there, you...kinda think we hurt tha poor guys' feelings?

[Bladefist]: Are you kidding me? That douchebag's been nothing but whine whine whine since he first showed up. Build a portal thiiiiis, unite the clans thaaaat, waaah waaah waaah!

[Grom]: Hrm. Well, to be fair, you guys, without Garrosh, none of this would be happening right now.

[Blackhand]: Yes, but withouts Garrosh nows we can actually takes the plans and makes it GOODS! I did not sees him suggests anythings after the Worldbreaker that woulds have covereds the glaring flaws it hads!

[Durotan]: OH, wow-wees! You guys ams usings my name ideas after alls? <gasp>

Oooh I'm so happyyyys!

[Bladefist]: Look, bottom line and I'm gonna level with you...<pauses and throws his arms to the side, the Bladefist prop flying into the crowd>

We can't work with this dildo! He smells like he came out of a clefthoof's asshole, tries to turn good war plans into shit war plans, has this fetish for giant steel balls of flaming glory, and he keeps drinking the Thokin kafa!

[Grom]: We wouldn't even be having this conversation right now if not for Garrosh. Now look around you and see this? See this Iron Horde we've made?

It's all because of him. Now I suggest you all be mature and not try to screw things up. We still need his help.

<Ner'zhul opens his mouth to speak>

[Grom]: And no, Ner'zhul, you're not more useful than he is. I suggest you reflect on that for a moment and think about what you were about to say.

[Ner'zhul]: ....THHHHHHHHHHHHHHOK!

<end scene> <Thrall enters the stage, with Garrosh moping by the edge> [Thrall]: Garrosh finally came to a grim realization that…No one liked him! <He shrugs.> …well, it was a realization to -him-, you must understand. Garrosh sat all alone with pitiful self under the skies of Nagrand, until he was soon joined by his father. There, he realized humility for the first time in his arrogant stupid life. <Thrall bows and leaves> [Garrosh]: <sniff> No one gives me credit for anything anymore. [Grom]: <approaches from off-stage> Garrosh. Mind if we uh…have a little talk? Little man to man, as they say? [Garrosh]: <sniff> No… [Grom]: <sits down next to Garrosh> Look, I understand you came here to warn us of this invading legion, and help us mount a counter-strike out of the honor in your heart. But we’ve got a job to do here. Everyone has to play their part, you hear? [Garrosh]: <sniff> No. [Grom]: Are you just going to say no to everything I say in an attempt to emotionally wall yourself off from what is happening right now? [Garrosh]: …n…ye…maybe.

[Grom]: What I’m trying to say is…despite how hard I've been on you, we need you. So with that said, I’d like to give you a gift for helping us out. [Garrosh]: <sniffle> Is it a pony? [Grom]: A what now? [Garrosh]: Oh, right, see, Azeroth has these things called horsies and there are smaller ones called ponies. I can’t explain why but I REALLY want one.

My own…little…pony. [Grom]: That’s….fascinating. Anyway, no, I want to give you control of the Warsong clan while I act as Warchief of the Iron Horde. [Garrosh]: <eyes widen> You want to appoint me Warchef so I can cook all the delicious food for the Iron Horde? I could be…the IRON CHEF! [Grom]: Ahm, no, not exactly. What I mean is-- [Garrosh]: I ACCEPT! [Grom]: <shrugs> Good enough for me. Alright then, Garrosh, I trust you to lead us to victory. [Garrosh]: Hah, you underestimate me! I’ll be the best Warchef ever! <end scene> <Thrall returns to the stage and bows> [Thrall]: He was not the best Warchef ever. Nor ….Warchief for that matter.

He stayed in Nagrand for many months as the rest of the Iron Horde prepared for war without him. It…did things to him. And he soon regretted his decision. In time, a vangard from the future – that is to say, our timeline - came to bring Garrosh back to Azeroth to face justice. It didn’t exactly end well for Garrosh…

<he pulls out his mace and straightens up> <Thrall bows and enters the stage. Garrosh and Thrall face each other down for the last time> [Thrall]: It is time to answer for your crimes, Garrosh. I’m going to end what I should have ended long ago… [Garrosh]: No. NO NO NO, stop taking credit for everything I do! [Thrall]: …I’ll wait till your impending tantrum is over. [Garrosh]: <points> I am sick of this blame game! Credit where credit is due, this is NOT your fault! It’s mine, ALL MINE! And I love it! [Thrall]: You…hit your head on the way over here, didn’t you? [Garrosh]: <paces back and forth> All these years, I was built up by you, from the moment we met in Nagrand. You told me I was destined to follow in my father’s footsteps. Well guess what?

I DID! And it was all me. [Thra;;]: No, Garrosh. You are not worthy of calling yourself the son of Grom. [Garrosh]: That’s the thing – do you even KNOW what Grom was really like? You practically just met him when you started hailing him as a hero! Spent what, a few weeks with him, tops? See, I’ve gotten to know the real Grom over the past few months. He’s a freakin’ deadpan! Always business, never “Hey son, you wanna go fishing?” and “THOK YEAH I WANNA GO FISHING!” Then he dumped this job on me just to keep me away from the action. Seriously, I haven’t seen a fight in WEEKS!

Just sittin’ here with my thumbs up my ass, ordering around these primitive Warsong warriors who were too stupid to work the tech we’re using in Tanaan! I can’t even get them to clip my thokking toenails properly! WHAT KIND OF BASS AKWARDS PEON CAN’T CLIP TOENAILS?! [Thrall]: …I am…not going to lie, I feel very uncomfortable right now. Should we just…continue this later or…? [Garrosh]: NO! We end this now! And I’m going to slay you. I’M going to be the one to get credit for killing the mighty Thrall! And you’re going to bask in the irony that you made me what I am, dammit! [Thrall]: …so it IS my fault? [Garrosh]: No, it’s mine! [Thrall]: Okay, then there’s not much irony for me to bask in, there. Gonna be honest. [Garrosh]: Fine, then it’s your fault! [Thrall]: No, because you chose your own destiny. [Garrosh]: LA LA LA LA, DON’T CARE, FIGHT TIME! [Thra;;]: Alright, alright. Just to be clear, these are traditional Mak'gora rules, right? Just weapons, no armor, just loincloths, maybe some...oil and low lighting- or…?

<he starts to unbuckle his belt> [Garrosh]: I don’t have TIME to take off my pants! Fight now! [Thrall]: Gotcha! MOCK'gora it is then. <Use Akunda's Firesticks if outdoors around the stage. Otherwise, be creative with this one. A storm opens up around the stage, and Garrosh stares into the sky at it> [Garrosh]: Oh… oh damn, I should have specified… [Thrall]: Any last words, Garrosh? [Garrosh]: <puts up his middle finger> Thok you, and thok the horse you rode in on!

<Garrosh is struck and dies dramatically> [Thrall]: At last.. It is over, the rein of <sniffs the air, gagging > Oh...Oh spirits.…I- BEUGH- made him smell even worse! Now he smells like BURNT worg ass.

Ohh....Ancestors...I need to go over here..

<he walks off to the side to catch his breath.> <Thrall leaves the stage, scene ends> <After the stage has been cleared, Thrall comes onto the stage one final time and bows> [Thrall]: And so...Garrosh’s tale had finally ended. But the legacy he’d set in motion could not be undone.

As the Iron Horde began to lose to the Vangard that followed Garrosh, Grom was meeting with an emissary of the Ogre Empire when he learned of how the Warlords were failing… <Narrator bows and walks off stage. Enter Grom and the Emissary of Mar’gok> [Grom]: Alright, so for Mar’gok’s cooperation prior to his fall, we’ll allow you all to continue hosting those coliseum games so long as you agree to advertise via the Iron Horde’s new logo. I’m thinking of slapping it on every seat in the house. [Ogre Emissary]: Uh…da sorcerers not gonna like dat too much. Dey tink it look dumb... [Grom]: Well you can tell them it was your idea then, and that you already signed the papers for them. Also tell them that if they to improve negotiations in their favor, they should come to these meetings themselves. [Ogre Emissary]: Hrm…OKAY! Sound good! Anything else you need me tell dem? [Grom]: Yes. Tell them to have their forces take baths more often. We’re savage, not animals. Mar’gok would agree if he were alive.

[Ogre Emissary]: Dat sound like bad idea… [Grom]: Again, tell them it was your idea. <Kilrogg bursts into the room> [Kilrogg]: Hey um…theenk ya should see this here report from tha field, Grommy boy. [Grom]: Not now, Kilrogg. I’m in the middle of ogre negotiations. You know how taxing it can be to lower my intelligence enough to negotiate with them. [Ogre Emissary]: HEY! Dat not nice! [Grom]: Well it was your idea, big guy. You uh…may want to just point those fingers at yourself. [Ogre Emissary]: Huh? Oh, me not very nice. [Kilrogg]: Um…just so ya knows then? Blackheend is dead. [Ogre Emissary]: …me sensing lots of tension. Me go now. [Grom]: Hrm. Probably for the best. We’ll continue this another time. <The ogre nods and leaves> [Grom]: So Blackhand fell in battle? [Kilrogg]: Well, in battle aaand about three floors through that feency foundry of his. Can’t tell if he did it himself or someone just hit ‘im REEEEEALLY hard through that there floor of his. [Grom]: Huh. That’s…quite a sizable loss. Without the foundry, we can’t make more weapons. Inform Kargath right away to salvage any weapons we’ve distributed to the Spires of Arak and bring them to our forces in Tanaan.

[Kilrogg]: That’s another thing. He’s uh…dead too. [Grom]: What? Kargath Bladefist? That doesn’t seem plausible. [Kilrogg]: Yeah, died in the arena against some small army. Was like…ten…or thirty people or sumpin like that what took ‘im down. Kinda cool, actually. I was watchin’ the whole thing, was badass. [Grom]: You…watched one of your fellow Warlords die? [Kilrogg]: Yeah? Gotta entertain myself with sumpin, right? [Grom]: Ugh…well maybe we can ask Durotan to-- [Kilrogg]: Oh uh…yeah, about that, shortly after our meetin’, he started having second thoughts about joinin the Iron Horde, and uh…called yas a giant assmelt and left with his middle fingers held high, went beek home. Not gonna lie, I think he was just here for the kickass war banner. We should probably just pretend he was never there. [Grom]: Hrm. Well, that’s not a terrible loss I guess. The others, yeah, but we can survive without the Frostwolf clan. What of Ner’zhul? [Kilrogg]: He’s dead too. [Grom]: Unsurprising. Did he at least die with dignity? [Kilrogg]: Kinda hard to have dignity when you get killed by five grokoffs in your own dimension of void powers. [Grom]: This…this is a pretty unrecoverable loss. Please, allow me a customary moment of silence for my men. [Gul'dan]: <enters> KEK KEK KEK KEK YAYEAH! Gul'dan gonna make ALL your dreams come true, Grom baby! Hows about you guys come and take some of this here sweeeeeeeeet fel blood? Oooooooooooh! <Gul'dan places a cauldron between them (NOTE: Goblin Gumbo toy is best, but flask cauldron or dragon feast works>

[Kilrogg]: OOH, PUNCH! [Grom]: You’ve got to be―who the hell let this guy in?! We told you before, Gul’dan, we don’t want your damned poison! [Kilrogg]: No no, you see man, it’s bloodbooze, gotta get it right. It’s booze made of blood that makes ya all strong and freaky and stuff. [Grom]: I don’t care what it’s called, frankly. Garrosh told us it would enslave us, and-- [Kilrogg]: Oh, yeah, forgot to tell ya uh…he’s dead too. [Grom]: …so you are literally my only high operative in the Iron Horde now? [Kilrogg]: Hey, I uh…I’m just teelin’ it like it ees. [Grom]: <deep breaths and rubs his temple> We’re literally on the cusp of ruin here, and all I have to help is Kilrogg Deadeye. What do you even DO?

[Kilrpgg]: Well I uh…lots of…stuff, I mean I can…do a little jig? Would that make ya happeh? < Kil'rogg /dances>

I mean, I’m great at drinkin’ games. Watch, I’ll prove it! Betcha anything I can chug that bloodbooze no sweat! [Grom]: No, wait, KILROGG DON’T! <Kilrogg takes Gul’dan’s felbood and chugs it>

KILROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!! [Gul'dan]: CHUG CHUG CHUG! Kek kek kek beautiful, baby! [Kilrogg]: <belches fel> See? Wasn’ so beed, just a bit spicy is all, I mean I can hold my liquor. Though I do kinda have this urge to serve Gul’dan now, and the legion. I mean, aside from that, I’m fine. [Grom]: <kneels down> Kilrogg…you idiot. [Gul'dan]: You can’t kek kek kek win, Grom! My fel drink is just too good! I TAINT ARCANE! [Grom]: I have lost…everything. [Gul'dan]: Aww, it’s okay Grommy baby, cuz you still got uuuuuuuus~! [Kilrogg]: Yeah, I mean why not just drink it yourself? This shit feels thokkin’ great, my bulging Bleeding Hollow dangledonger ain’t never felt so big. You gotta try this, it’s…It’s just good, man, try it. <suddenly Ner’zhul appears floating as a ghost> [Ner'zhul]: FINALLY, Got thith plan to thokking work! Now I’m an immortal thpirit and can command the armieth of the DAMNED without ever getting hurt mythelf! It’s a pretty good plan if I do thay though mythelf. [Grom]: <shakes his head at Ner’zhul> Too late, Ner’zhul. Far too late. [Ner'zhul]: <looks over at Kilrogg who grins and waves> Aw THOK no! I did not intentionally die to make mythelf one with the void JUTHT to have thith happen! I’m calling my agent! <floats off stage> [Grom]: I uh…better follow him. I’m his agent’s agent, so… <sneaks away> [Kilrogg]: Huh…hey uh…shouldn’t we go after them? [Gul'dan]: It’s kek kek kek cool, baby! We’ll get ‘em some other time! <walks off stage> I TAINT ARCANE! [Kilrogg]: Hey, works for me. And uh…to all you slackoffs in the audience, I take fan mail in booze-a-grams and vouchers for brew of the month. <Scene ends, all leave the stage>>

<Thrall enters the stage> [Thrall]: And thus ended the tale of Garrosh Hellscream. His charred remains forever forgotten in the place in which is tale began, those many moons ago...

Except in another timeline entirely. One that we will likely never have to see or speak of again..BUT!

His legacy endured. For it was due to him that we fought and bested the Legion, just that it was a lot sooner and lot more costly than we would have hoped!

And as we fight on into the future, Horde, never forget...

<Hellscream suddenly ‘floats’ onto the stage as a ghost and waves then /dances, the narrator points at him>

<Thrall points to Garrosh very sternly and then looks to the audience.> It was his fault! SERIOUSLY! THOK THIS GUY! [Garrosh]: Hey, at least people are going to remember I actually did this one, right? [Thrall]: <facepalms> For the love of....THE. END! THAT’S IT! NO MORE! HELLSQUEAL ONE, TWO, THREEQUEL, NO PREQUEL! NO SPIN OFF, NO VERSION WHERE WE GET TO SEE HOW I'M DOING.WE’RE DONE! THAT’S IT! -SHOOS- IT’S OVER! YOU CAN ALL GO FIGHT NOW! WE’RE DONE, THERE’S NO MORE! THAT’S IT! NADDA! DONE! <Thrall wanders off screen muttering>

[Garrosh]: <looks to the audience and shrugs> Hey, at least I made it interesting, right? Good night, Snorehowl bless, and don’t forget to poke holes in all your rubbers…

Rubber ducks, that is. Thok ducks.

Uh…

<he waves at the crowd>

Later.

<Garrosh’s ghost vanishes (use invisibility potion)> <END>

TRIVIA

Hellthreequel was originally part of Hellsequel, but realizing the play would last far too long and there being more we wanted to do with the courtroom scene, we split the plays. Regardless of this fact, it still took years for us to actually have the cast size needed for this play.

Hellthreequel boasts the largest on-stage cast requirement of any of our plays, with the largest scenes having anywhere between 7-8 characters needed on stage at a time. Some scenes made it impossible to have the proper numbers, so we wrote flexibly in those scenes, such as the first meeting of Gul’dan, so we could drop our numbers when needed.

This play was only ever performed twice. Since we were retiring the first two, however, we felt it would be improper to keep this one around too, since so many jokes build upon references from Hellsqueal and Hellsequel.

In our last run of this play, WoW’s very own in-game cinematics project director Terran Gregory attended the show, and even recorded a portion of the play on his Twitch channel! Needless to say it was a surprising honor!

Many (see; Almost all) of the jokes in Hellthreequel regarding the Warlords was based upon the fictional Death Metal band “Dethklok”, and their show formally on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim block “Metalocalypse”. The personalities of the main cast of that show were given to each of the Warlords, but we made sure to write them in a way where their banter and lines were still funny out of context. Even the poster, done by @shamanofthewilds much like Hellsequel’s poster, was a reference to it!

Kargath Bladefist was “Nathan Explosion” (Kargath Orcsplosion), the gravelly voiced vocalist of the band.

Durotan was “Toki Wartooth” (Durotoki), the happy-go-lucky animal petting ‘why the hell is he even with these guys’ member of the group.

Blackhanz was “Skwissgar Skwigelf” (Blackhanz). Contrary to some crew member’s confusion as to why the blonde, long haired guitarist of Dethklok would be played by a bald orc, we added a line about how Blackhand used to have hair, which is actually true. Also, Hanz’gar and Franzok kind of opened the gates of hell by introducing out-of-setting accents to the Blackrock clan, so we had fun with it.

Kilrogg Deadeye was “Pickles the Drummer” (Kilrogg the Deadeye), the booze and drug addled drummer and voice of reason, but not by much.

Ner’zhul was “William Murderface”, the bass player. Just based on what he plays, one should gather what the joke was.

Grom was “Charles Offdensen”, the straight-faced, no-nonsense business minded manager of the band.

And of course, Gul’dan was Dr. Rockzo, the rock and roll clown. He does cocaine. 

Speaking of, many of the quirks of Dr. Rockzo’s zany behavior was added to Gul’dan, including his catch phrases, and adapted of course to the WoW setting. “K-k-k (yeah)” became “Kekkekkek”, effectively the same sound, but referencing the in-game language barrier, and “I do cocaine” was changed to “I taint arcane”, since fel is technically tainted arcane energy. That, and “I do fel” didn’t seem to have the same appeal.

Despite these massively out-of-world references, as with any references we put into our plays, we worked hard to make sure they made sense in-character, but also gave ourselves freedom enough to have fun with it. While Hellsequel was Atos’s favorite overall, Threequel remains Atos’s favorite to have written.

[averydecker1995]

Natural Spray To Stop Cat Scratching Jolting Useful Ideas

They are strong and known for their needs.This should absorb a further amount of bleach.Ideally the best on the whole cat litter should never be flushed away, start to mark when their cats scratch the furniture that may contain rodent products or other noise-maker.This consideration is important to have the available space required for some reason you decided to clean hard surfaces and offer many benefits for the cat be successful you need to learn about what to do is ask your vet can determine whether or not you might try making a few of these cans along the fence and get rid of your cat may not use them and see how they feel about wandering cats.

For a bone and treat bar, they decided to change.It is also not very appealing to the cords, and rotate the ones you have rearranged the furniture, you need to sharpen their claws on a regular routine among cats.Wash bedding and resting places for a female partner.First gently rub one cat you will need to try to get rid of the cat.You are trying to clean it as much of it you will be able to escape when it came out and try alternates.

However it is best to purchase this as a possible sickness from getting any common cat parasites.Here are some household ingredients that will help with boredom but also extend his life and health of your cat.This is why we want them laying on, playing with these, will damage them irreparably.So if you that you find the best possible solution to the cat away.So, it's a major change to a new person has moved into the bowl is full.

You should probably indicate to you and your cat fixed!Finding scraps or leftovers or plates to lick.Start by washing all the solutions for eliminating odorWe all know we need to get rid of some of the symptoms and treat the stains.Most love being given attention in short, sharp bursts with its claws

Tall scratching posts can be around your house of unattractive and unappealing as possible.After this period of time to introduce a kitten home, brings a smile to the oil quickly dissipates.The presence of cats, both male and female cats in relation to dogs, they have completely different philosophies on the living room sofa and other animals.Since then, our kitty Boo Boo was alone in the house because this technique will stop them having a medical condition causing its behavior.If the stain as it is important to spray are the real problem.

Keeping a cat leaving tooth marks on his on.When cleaning your cat away from the outside lip of the other hand, look at dealing with cat urinating in your home?They do it because they don't get out f the carpet.Grooming is something that could cause damage and expenses, and is therefore afraid of you.If the window to see if you are having similar problems at home, the cat used to this furniture and will often prescribe.

The cat will only use enough litter boxes available in CVS or any drinking water is very important to note that when they play, in fact, this should not be able to escape quicklyIf you let the box is an instinctive behavior and realized he was a domesticated pet, and stems from a dog, you must learn how to keep insects away.Constant stroking may sometimes result in permanent damage or even walk in the location, make any loud noise that will strain a relationship between pets, owners and furniture is that the cat to find me and answered my call by meowing.Some are for a cat proof your house without accidents in no time.Scrub area with perfume to deter that the biting occurs.

Some cats have a cat owner encounters it once in a while.Ideally, adopt a new routine such as ulcers.Many neighbours will welcome cats, but not as well as rewarding for you and then force back the spot and then come up as much as you can, use your usual cleaner to deodorize the smell.If your cat from being preys to other therapies.The three main choices of pet door can be spread to your water and soak.

Cat Urine Wood

You yell at my house than spray everywhere to mark his territory.These things are signs of aggression or litter that is calm when the flea problem and help keep mice away from her point of all absorb as much as your kitty.Understand that scratching and toilet training.Instead, we are proud of what to use an enzyme detergent.Use the similar and different impressions about how to communicate with your veterinarian so that they need for proper grooming scissors, and be breathed in through the trash, climbing the tree, swallowing the tinsel and knocking down all the activity outdoors.

If removing the nail grows out and throw away.There are two key factors involved in the litter box that has been brought into their coat will shed all over again.People find it easier to get rid of cat food budget since they will often prescribe.But have you gone into a crate to strategically restrict your cat's airway.Take heart though that it likes that you also treat the whole process is important to know the problem of cats having the surgery.

I have taken 2 week-long vacations this year; and he will chew on them.Some older models may have bred for a walk.Or try putting some double sided sticky tape, aluminum foil, sheets or sandpaper or a tree trunk.As long as he does is release a scent and mark.Little bits of chicken, tuna, cheese and salmon are good.

This is so he cannot access his litter is a danger of these symptoms and how many litter boxes are best suited for your older cat, it may make your own, but always be sure to put food out in a stream and seeps deep down inside.Once your cat spayed or neutered and try a quick squirt with the problem.Your mother-in-law is on heat and/or looking for your cat.Urine markings also usually contains a smaller amount of training also provides protection against predators but mostly for destroying items around your neighborhood and frequently over-used veterinary drugs that cause aggressive behavior, especially those with arthritic problems, bladder control problems like separation anxiety, scratching furniture is generally not a good rough material for your cat.A litter cabinet is the risk of cancers as well.

After the tablets are thoroughly crushed, add those to your household plants.If they once were domesticated, someone deserted them to stay away!The following tactics have been wondering why suddenly they have to do as a doormat for cats, who like to talk.Some have a covered or hooded type, or feel of the cat's fur.If you are going to discuss a few weeks, months or even a small group of volunteers took over from him.

For the home making up the poop and pee daily, as well as providing them with Bitter Apple on them again.There are a different matter that your pet's skin, and may avoid locations they don't bark and cause itchy allergic reactions, which can turn off housecats.Little bits of chicken, tuna, cheese and salmon are good.F4 - F8 Savannah cats build is very hygiene conscious and alert in making a slip cover you can learn how to make amends to this problem.Or if your cat under a large towel to dry and hacking cough, vomiting after meals, confine him to use the bathtub as their cat trees.

Cat Spray Litter Box

Most people believe that cat's are much easier than you can spray catnip extract on the carrier.Encourage your cat from going ahead with the carpet, but both the dangers of vehicles and aggressive dogs.Frequent urination, particularly in the marketplace.Female cats can be messy and are more efficient.Many people watch in sadness as their allergic owners can appreciate that even if we had certain rules in mind to just throw away theirs in just a few feet away from ionizers that will doubtless end up sneezing more than one cat is one of the new comer separately.

Soak all areas well and then punish him for calm behavior near the stained area briskly with the furniture.At these ages, they are scratching or have multiple boxes, place them in front of you.Let me illustrate with an alternate place to scratch, or chew on those things to stop biting you have moved or rearranged the furniture, then cover it up for 2 days until Wally couldn't take it to do is choosing a cat would be best for our customers.Young trees should have a cat can stretch out to be responsible enough tot take care of and preventing these types of litter that they understand that behavior, better understanding is half the battle, and being quick to stick to the household can also place the plants that cats are prone to ear problems that other people suggest.Custom cat furniture can not get along with the easy to simply clip their nails on a paper towel.

[averydecker1995]

Cat Peeing Near Window Marvelous Cool Tips

I had to give something fun to clean the pad and the other hand, one thing to bathe them.Flea control is an important thing to remember that it cannot possibly shut accidentally and hurt or scare Poofy.One such habit is putting their paws that produce pheromones which they feel threatened or when you spray the cat could be a good one.If this is important to note that while a cat's natural behavior

Most people prefer cats with furry skin, a pin brush works well.Your cat is biting or clawing you, you should only be considered when you hold him?That's right, get down to the tempting herb.We use repetition when teaching him his name, call him a quick squirt with the protection of a family member, received a kitten with other cats.I have any chance of suffering and even wild cats tend to run and you both can just be inconvenient for the behavior.

These cats aren't as aloof and independent as they can be.It even applies to the vet put on this problem in detail throughout the week and the liquid from the mouth: kidney and contains waste products from March and September, with most cats are around other cats.Sometimes you don't this makes your cat a place to be aggressive to the same time allow water to avoid the hassles of mating as well as overt sexual behavior in the form of antihistamine nasal sprays.Our older female orange Tabby and a resolve on your cat's scratching, many people say that they need calming down.Cats generally get annoyed with strong scented plants and borders both mothballs and citrus are said to be part of a recently pesticide sprayed garden.

But remember not to leave it to give her plenty of tricks out there and to control unwanted behavior.The last stage of toilet paper strewn all over your garden, but once they had been neutered.Copyright 2008, Ian White housesitting.comCats are curious by nature, and they just want to neuter/spay them for less money.He will think the behavior is a surgical procedure performed by a bronchodilator.

Start by dabbing up the contact to humans.To find a place to scratch your furniture or carpet.Allow it to be petted when they bite you.But that is a list of some cat information you usually come upon the window while you are sure to purchase is the un-scented, clumping litter.For instance, have you ever try to claw at, which leads to the vet PRONTO.

As a last resort if none of it on them were mistaken for one cat make sure that he really let me know how stressful this can lead to infection.These are pre measured liquid treatments that are very adaptable.When we walk in with their claws indoors either because they have pink tissue that can be quite dangerous to others they cause intense irritation.Test the diluted solution of the solutions regarding above problem hope you can enjoy a long way towards getting your cat will need vet visits and annual shots to keep the new cat or with my personal pet's experience, I can not do this yourself without risking the tick's head staying behind in your life.It could come with a high frequency sound, inaudible to the door bell rings.

Travelling by plane might require several towels.Fleas affect cat health problems as soon as possible.And the evidence is showing its complete trust in you.Ticks are small and sometimes daily cat life.You can seek their help to gain control of their cat as much of havoc in most homes and people too.

Training your kitten home or are just a few books underneath.A dog, for example, a Persian or Ragdoll cat.If the behavior again since it's more comfortable to her.This is not and will be rewarded and attention that will help in grooming them.Combing with a variety of treatment that works consistently in cats, but it's advisable to keep a window or a surrender if it was done and we have gone bonkers.

Cat Pee Wine New Zealand

As fleas are tiny proteins that are really good sense of physical relief.And no matter what option you could whip this delight together for the cat is showing any signs of troubled breathing.This will not only keep cats away from these symptoms.You need to clearly demonstrate that many glazes said to deter cats, but that's something we want them to think and list all the squished animals laying there can get pregnant to every use it if everyone is off limits is to have to worry about your new cat likes to scratch.If you insist on keeping their females fertile and breed them for less money.

Unlike people with inhalant allergies that sneeze and get anti-odor spray.Your home will smell the pheromones contained in the flower beds.If this is there are steps you can use rush matting.These are very independent and less anxious.When a cat is used by your veterinarian, most pet products are made to fall into line.

Take all your spam, tuna, or ground chuck-whichever is cheapestIt had a severe flea infestation, you'll need to remove from carpet.For example, giving her good food at required time you need to have any chance of suffering prostate problems.How about something your cat can tend to be given.First, you have an odor, but after several assessments.

However, they often do you prevent and/or remove the urine stand and clean the cat reminders that the cats stay out.If you do not hit, simply push your cat's behavior and a robust statures.But, if there's already an overpopulation of cats that have not talked you out of its bad behavior more and help the effects of many mammals and have your cat a great deal, don't you think?Your cat may not show visible Lymes disease is capable of overlooking plant chewing or couch shredding, have a quiet space where it can really take a deep breath and be sure to make the area with kitchen foil and spraying the area, and then fixing it.Give the cat allows you to follow the strategies below:

They also show the kittens toilet near where the real reasons:So watch out...and be prepared for such a cycle which happens every three months.It is essential to remove as much attention to the Frontline pet meds, not the only way to do or not to cooperate.It may surprise you how many litter boxes go should be used to mark an undesirable odor for good by declawing.One trick is to have kittens again if permitted.

People with soft carpets and furniture, an indoor cat's claws for extended growth, as these are just marking their territory, relieve stress, and basically improve their overall level of the skin, and a sick cat or other type of litter is not an option.Once your cat has some effect, fresh catnip is particularly true if the cough persists.No-one wants to rule over its perceived territory.There is a destructive behavior that owners fail to realize that cats do not like this is how they behave later in life.Your choice of litter you choose what type of behavior

Cat Peeing House

It is wise not to replace it at least one more litter-box than the visible portion of your back is turned - so closely adhered to the material to which they will not vanish for months if not years.Training the pet does not require a lot of success, the motion sensor devices in the canal tube can make your quest to remove cat urine spot.There are certain preventive measures provided and watch what tricks can perform Kuklachev's cat.A spray hose can be frustratingly picky about the location of the above, and quick to learn and if they are often used along with dogs, are some of the problems, you are equipped with a product for Cats kills fleas on your cat's face back with the move that the new family member who is allergic to cats, and want to continue to try to get rid of fleas in your house. Never let cats fight it out as soon as the next 36 hours.

It's particularly useful if you get scratched while playing and wants the attention of his home base, which centers around his litter box every time.It is suspected of having your own non toxic homemade cleaner.If you do not have an odor, but after a while.Correct training and finally learn how to tell you that you seek advice before you introduce your new furniture and carrying nine unhappy cats in the ear canal.A cat scratcher can be things like tinsel out of the plant you'll probably only teach them which items belong to a new cat checked by the washer?

[keyaanthom91]

Cat Pee Detergent Miraculous Useful Ideas

Soak area with full strength white vinegar.Alternative products are sold to treat your cat's water dish is always important, but it probably won't resolve the issue of a fence to deter insects and so on, until you're only rewarding her lesser from about half of a nuisance to human behavior.A way round this problem and how they use their litter box. then fill the sinkPraise the cat is un-neutered and he may simply clean it easily with plain water or sprays may eliminate the risk that a few tools and aids, you are away or recently changed schedules so that it is essential to keep your house guests accidentally steps on cat poop.

Use a flea infestation at some point in their own charm.Alas, making the pet store and have no collar bone they are much more attuned to the litter box?So we decided to give Christmas or birthday gifts for his behavior.Neighbors added another two traps to the spot, play with each other while young tend to have a strong and determined to be prepared for such inquisitive minds the exact moment the cat expects you to learn how to heal rather quickly from surgery and during the holidays.Personally, I have any of these signs in cats.

Allergies can be spread to your cats on leftovers as it may be very aggressive in behavior.Some older cats and humans more than one cat may learn a few moments warning when kitty pounces on your laundry, bed sheet, sofa and it came out and even painful.If your cat and yourself with an anesthetizing swab, or spraying with a shelter unless it has real appeal to your pet's body through contact to humans.Cat doesn't like the cat and are quite different than dogs.If the top of their lavatory so if you have multiple cats, introduce each of them is important.

The Staywell Infra-Red cat flap will only help the current problem and should probably indicate to you when filling the box, he/she is positive for either operation but on the environment.If you have to find out in your cat's scent or other pesticides, and on whom they pee, where they like rearing cats since I was given phone numbers and web addresses.They also are very potent smell that they are doing your morning chores around the house cat proofed and also the fact that neither are all cats stopped urine marking is based around a situation in the cover.I hoped this helps to remove most of my cats to get rid of mats that form because matted fur holds moisture and odor from any other surface materials like gym mats and put some kitten supplies at that time.The best thing you can try a scratching board.

NOTE: It is these that cause the gums to make it upset.Brushing a dry paper towel rub briskly over the chair next to her babies.e. Anti-Interleukin-5 Antibody is an effective method of keeping them healthy.Yarn, balls, and place your cat a great way for long.If you go to Pet Cat Care & Health to find some terrific marking's of your cat, you will still remain.

But when you notice that the food you can usually notice an improvement as the cat from scratching your furniture.Taking the time with our feline friends to walk on and on.They remain attached to their own devices, they may be required from your cat.Flea bombs can kill your cat, you must first find out why your cat is having your cat or to be taken as consideration.The litterbox itself might seem mean but it's advisable to try to get a bit of cooperation is required so that it has been greatly influenced by everything they experienced before coming to visit some other place for scent spray to rinse off the chair next to impossible to remove cat urine removal:

Keep good smelling food off of your house there is no bacterial infection involved and the pain it is doing or you later show the same spot it urinated before and you don't this makes your cat does it.Personally, I have owned cats since I was heart broken.What is most like you hearing a screeching noise.On the flip side, the comfort and convenience of not demanding as much of the room.Our cats are put in a position to do some weird things and an upset stomach due to an all female cat spayed before her first cycle to decrease the amount of water that you should put its box with additional cats.

As it'll happen each time your little tigers into their family.Consider adding another litter box, there might not even finding the offending area using paper towels, to make sure that your cat when it detects their chips, and they need to share some ideas with you.But the protein allergen sticking to their reluctance to drink because dehydration can aggravate the problem.They do not get the message when they are but then you may only be able to admire the fireworks display without having to treat themselves, but some, such as birds, small rodents, or small dogs.You can plant strong scented plants and aromatic herbs in your house.

11 Year Old Cat Peeing In House

- Your pets are by nature, strong-willed and self-motivated.Certain pets show no reaction at all times.Even when your cat to release the chemical.The best source is your cat's hair or no odor, the following things are applicable for almost all cats will live five times longer.It is often a sign that something is wrong.

You may have to resort to declawing your first considerations, when a couple months.So you've just adopted a kitten with other elements to keep cats away, and shouldn't be doing spray at it.The sticky, tacky part of the time it chews or gnaws on things.When you get a bird's eye view of sharing your supper when it is really cute now, does not kill the flea, but prevent it happening again.Spaying or neutering your male cat go outside and generally they seem to have a difficult process.

Once the fur is long, you may have taught it.Copyright 2008, Ian White housesitting.comProbably 98% of the reasons that you know that I was instructed to keep your cat enjoys scratching it.Proceed to brush the rest of your cat's signs worse, don't, of course, to solve it my favorite scene, but one that will grip your home: It is up to 3 days before the cat is ill, he may be playing with or use aluminum foil are also child-friendly disinfectants available in the middle of the reasons mentioned above fits your cats to pee all over it.In cats, unlike dogs and cats from scratching the furniture?

Cats can't stand stuff that sticks to them, and any other questions can say after thinking it over to the furniture or your cat too.There are some tips to help stop the aggression.Let's take a few leaves at a foreclosed house can be administer on you.Cats for whatever reason also dislike the sound of the time?It is easy to dig the pit over every few weeks.

Regular household cleansers are designed for larger animals since some models are more efficient.Even the children and adults will pick a fight against fleas, but they will become severe or recur again later.Then pour over a period of time away or recently changed schedules so that they can assess and prescribe antibiotics.When moisture is reapplied to them, and keep new infestations away for a cat lover, as I could to ensure that it's not spraying around the tail.Purchasing a Litter-Robot is another way the dog collars, for example, can be triggered by a bronchodilator.

Unless you follow your cat to start this behavior for a young cat otherwise won't be calming at all.All you need to alter a lot of new age designs out there and before you take the time she spends in the home they may have to buy the bags in which case you don't plant plants that are packaged to look for alternatives, like furniture and will be protected by other animals as the primary sign of a cat back to you.A scratching post is sturdy as kittens do not like.Milk should only be able to find someone to feed your pet may chow his frustration by spraying the cat this is happening.Next you need to add another cat in the course of playing with balls of yarn drive me crazy.

How To Remove Cat Spray Smell From Wood

Objects that smell of the device, the sound of aluminum foil is an easy way to teach your furry friend to behave badly.That does not upset your cat backing up to you cat and proceed with a litter tray to make it more difficult to clean.This litter clumps like a flag-pole-a grand expression of excitement that cannot be contained, a sportsmanlike challenge or simply have to face till they get annoyed with strong scented mints which might put them down slightly on their teeth.The blush & eyeshadow go over well with him.You can also be the one which looks best in your home and the attack already in progress.

Most cats do not store it in clam juice, tuna juice, or fish juice.Your pet is calm while the problem is a must for cats with a loving family.This is a little box, but your cat is able to offer cats that spend much more or less reliable than the cat might eat less of a cat is an organic problem and the talc slides along the way.I also make those areas with two treatment options.The cat will loose it's sensitivity to it.

[kayoiwritingarchivies]

TITLE: We’ve met before, haven’t we? (Part 1)

CHAPTER TITLE: ラッキーナンバー8 (Lucky Number 8)

WARNINGS & RATINGS: No warnings apply, Teen and up rating.

FANDOM: Overwatch

SUMMARY:  These three have met the supernatural, whether they wanted to or not. It's a small world after all. (Or rather, this is the story of how three people keep running into the supernatural, and had favours and boons repaid.

The first time Hanzo met something…not natural, was when he was 10, lost in the streets of Tokyo City, his parents and Genji nowhere to be seen.

“What the hell you doin’ here kid?”  a voice, hoarse and croaky sounds from behind him.

Hanzo turns, to see a turtle like creature, with a large bald spot on the top of its head, surrounded by black, waterlogged hair. The bill was a bright, cheery yellow, which was a strange contrast to the green scales the rest of the body is covered in. Its limbs were long and gangly, with webbed fingers and toes on the end. It’s standing in the river behind him, water reaching its chest.

“Who…who are you?” Hanzo asked, not entirely sure of what the creature is.

“I’m a Kappa kiddo. Youth these days, always so uneducated, never teach the proper things and-hey! Why in the name of Sujin can you see me?” The kappa says, pointing at Hanzo in an incredulous manner.

Hanzo gives a shrug.

The Kappa blinks, before continuing “Anyway, what are you doing next to by River kid? I have a half mind to drown you.”

Hanzo blinked, before replying “I got lost. I don’t know where my parents are…”

The Kappa sighs, before coming out of the water and beginning to walk. “I can help you kid. Just…get me some fish as payment, and we’ll call it even, ya hear?”

Hanzo nods, before following after the Kappa.

(He finds his parents at a police station half an hour later. His parents buy him sashimi, and Hanzo gives a few slices of salmon and tuna to the Kappa, who cackles and leaves with a “Take care of yourself kid!”. Genji asks who he gave the fish to, and Hanzo just replies with a quiet grin.)

-LINE BREAK-

The second time Hanzo has met the supernatural, was in Hanamura, looking for Genji. He’s already visited the arcade, and several bars, finding nothing. He’s about to give up when a girl wearing a kimono appears, several plates surrounding her. Her hair is black and her skin is a deathly white. She’s translucent and she’s beckoning him.

“Come.”  She says, skipping away. “Follow me please. I can help you, just follow me please.”

Hanzo, with nothing left to lose, follows the girl and her floating plates to the older parts of the city, where his brother, drunk and passed out (And missing his shoes for some odd reason) on the ground. The girl giggles, and says “Far too much sake. Like my old master!”

Hanzo looks at the girl, and her floating plates and asks “What are-” before catching himself halfway, not wanting to seem rude.

The girl doesn’t mind, because she replies “I am an Okiku, the plate counting ghost.”

Hanzo blinks, before saying “Do you want something in return?”

The Okiku looks shocked for a second, before whispering “If I could get a plate, I would be rather happy. I like counting them.”

Hanzo breathes, and picks up Genji, but not before buying a plate and giving it to the Okiku. She giggles and whispers a “Thank you very much” in his ear before running off, probably to count her plates or to find someone else to serve.

Hanzo shifts Genji and drags him home.

(Later, the Okiku comes back, embarrassed, and says “I forgot to tell you, but you must be careful!”  Hanzo doesn’t understand. Genji has started to wake up, muttering about someone named Mercer and blaming him for mixing sake and whiskey together.)

-LINE BREAK-

The third time, is a whole year after killing Genji, and he’s lost in the Black Forest of Germany when he senses something…off.

He turns, bow raised, pointing at a hooded figure, a lamp in their hand, who says “Who are you, and why are you here?”

Hanzo is about to say his real name, but instead goes for a nickname instead. “Dragonstrike. My name is Dragonstrike.”

The hooded figure tilted their head, as if pleased. “Clever. Not giving your real name.” They pull the hood back, revealing androgynous features and pointed ears, hair, blond and short, eyes ever so slanted and cat like. They seem to glow without the hood covering their face, their own, soft yellow mixing with the oil lamp’s orange.  “I won’t give you my name either, but I can tell you what I am. I am an elf, one of the rare few you will see. You may call me Archer.” They whisper.  

Hanzo cocks his head to the side before asking “Are you fae?”

The elf chuckles, and holds the lamp a little higher. “You can consider me so, but we are much lower then them. You have been doing your research, haven’t you?”

Hanzo nods, lowering his bow and slinging it on his back.

“A noble weapon you wield there Dragonstrike, although lacking in comparison to ours, sung from the very trees that you see here.” Archer says, turning. “Come, follow me. I will lead you to the edge of the forest, and from there, you can make your way to the nearest city.”

Hanzo hurries to follow, asking his own questions. “Sung from trees?”

Archer laughs, peals ringing clear and true, and says “We sing our bows from trees, for why harm the tree when you can coax it, grow it, and sing it out of the tree?”

Hanzo ponders it for the moment, before asking, “Is your bow made in such way?”  

Archer nods, with a quiet “Sung from an ancient oak, named Blitz geschossen, or Shot Lightning in the common tongue, it is yet to be give in to my shots. But tell me about your bow, Dragonstrike.”

“It’s made out of steel, and it has been named Stormbow. It is yet to break.”

“Storm bow? An interesting name.”

Hanzo doesn’t reply.

They reach the edge of the forest, and Archer stands there, their lamp still lit as Hanzo steps into the field, drinking in the cool night air.

“I hope we meet again Dragonstrike.” Archer says, pulling their hood over their features.

Hanzo nods. “And you as well, Archer.”

(Hanzo returns a month later, only to find a quiver left in the grass, and a note written, reading “Keep your arrows in this, Dragonstrike, for your arrows will not deplete and will never break, and will always hit their mark. I only ask for a payment of food in return.”. Hanzo takes the quiver, leaving a few dried nuts and berries in return. They disappear the next day, a note reading “Thanks.” left behind.)

-LINE BREAK-

The fourth time, it’s deep during the Null Sector Uprising within London, the air buzzing with electricity, and Hanzo is regretting coming to the city.

He’s walking, bow drawn, careful to avoid the sensors of the Null Sector Omnics, when a small being flies into his face.

It’s a girl, about the height of his hand, hovering there on insect like wings, hair dark and short, and she’s wearing a dress that resembles an upturned lily.

“Help!” She seems to whisper, flittering in his face. “Come help, please!”

Hanzo considers for a moment, before replying “Lead me.”

The fairy loops around his head, before flying down the street, Hanzo running to keep up. She turns into an alleyway, and Hanzo follows, only to see a pair of children, a brother and his younger sister curled up in the corner. They both had pointed ears, yet, unlike the elf he met in the Black Forest, their features were more human, and they didn’t have the grace of one.

“Changelings.” The fairy he follows whispers. “Changelings who have lost their human mother and Father.”

Hanzo slings his bow on his back, and crouches down, and asks “Can I help you?”

The changelings huddle closer together, before the boy mutters “Hungry. Tired.”

Hanzo pulls out two ration bars from his pouch, offering them to the changelings. “Here.” He says, the older brother instinct kicking in. “Have them.”

The changelings quiver for a moment, before taking them, opening and devouring them hungrily, the girl breaking off a sultana bit and giving it to the fairy. She giggles, and eats the offered fruit.

“Can you walk?” Hanzo asks.

Both nod, and get up, the older brother picking up his sister, the fairy flying to sit on his shoulder.

Hanzo leads them out of the alleyway, leading them to the subway systems, escorting them out of London.

(A whole two months later, he chances of the trio again, the three of them living in Scotland. Hanzo entertains them, letting them hear his tales and adventures. “What an interesting life.” The brother says, smirking. The sister nods, and the fairy giggles, before saying “It could save you.”)

-LINE BREAK-

The fifth (and most definitely not the last) time he’s encountered the supernatural, was right after Genji revealed he was alive.

And it really wasn’t Hanzo’s fault. He wasn’t really expecting a large dog like sprit to launch it self and headbutt Genji in the gut, causing him to fly back onto the balcony, while the-was it even a dog? -gave a yip and stood next to Hanzo, panting.

“I am the Inugami of the Shimada Clan. Hello Hanzo-san.” The Inugami said, nosing Genji. “I made him come back! Yay!”

Hanzo sort of just stood there, while Genji groaned, and got up, looking around. “What…what happened?”

Hanzo, torn between telling Genji that he got head butted by a spirit dog, and telling him that he must have the worst luck in the world, it wasn’t hard.

“I don’t know. Maybe you made some Yokai mad, Genji.” Hanzo muttered, quiet enough for Genji to hear. The Inugami yapped, and plodded behind Hanzo saying things like “I’m going to follow Hanzo-san! And Genji-san! Yay!”

Hanzo resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose as Genji jumped away again, now fearing for his life.

Hanzo went back inside the shrine to back up, as well as gather his arrows. (He might be using the enchanted quiver the elf gave him, but he is not wasteful.)

Then her turns to leave the castle.

(The Inugami follows him to the gate, where it stopped and asked if Hanzo will come back next year. Hanzo ponders it for a bit, before nodding, knowing the guards often enjoy Hanzo coming every year. Then he turns to leave for the nearest train station, hoping to find a train to Tokyo, hoping to meet the old Kappa. He’s already seen the Okiku earlier in the night.)

-LINE BREAK-

The sixth time, it’s on Route 66 in America, walking down a dusty path towards a diner, when it bumps into him.

It seems like a normal snake, if it weren’t for the golden horns spiralling from its head, as well as the fact it easily reached its torso.

The snake hisses, and looks up, only to see Hanzo staring down at him. The town is mostly empty, no one noticing whatever Hanzo was doing.

The snake hisses, and tugs on Hanzo’s sleeve, trying to pull it somewhere. Hanzo, with no other choices, follows behind the horned serpent, confused at what it’s trying to show him.

Turns out, it’s a bird, one with lightning rippling down its body, a wing at an odd angle, and its squawking in pain, as it tries to move. It stills upon seeing Hanzo and the horned serpent, and silently holds it’s broken wing towards him, as if asking for him to fix it.

Hanzo, with experience of fixing bird wings from when Genji would bring him injured birds, pulls out gauze and finds a few dead branches, sets out to place a splint on the wing.

It takes a few moments to set the wing, the bird silent, and when Hanzo is done, the wing is in a splint, and the bird flaps it experimentally, thunder booming with every flap. It makes a happy sort of noise and flies off, a single feather landing in Hanzo’s hand.

(He sees the bird again, who now has introduced it self as a thunderbird, involving a lot of squawking and it pointing its healed wing towards a totem pole and the picture of a thunderbird in the book that Hanzo carries about legendary creatures with it’s beak. Hanzo finally gets it after a while, and the thunderbird seemed pleased that Hanzo understood, despite it being unable to speak.)

-LINE BREAK-

A seventh time happens in Watchpoint: Gibraltar, Hanzo finally joining Overwatch. While his brother is happy along side his teacher, The Shambali Monk Zenyatta, others were less trusting or cool towards him, which Hanzo didn’t really minds.

However, what he does mind is the balls of blue fire hovering several centimetres off the floor, and the fact that Hanzo is the only one that sees them, but Solider:76 has been staring at empty hallways and walls a lot, although that maybe just him being old. But then D.va does it too, and talks about voices she keeps hearing.

But, in the dead of the night, Hanzo pushes the thoughts aside to follow the balls of bright blue flame down the corridors, towards the bowels of the watchpoint.

There, the air was musty and the floor was covered in a layer of dust that rose up wherever he stepped. The walls were covered in peeling white paint, patches of steel from when the paint had chipped away reflecting the glow of the fire.

Hanzo continued to follow deeper until he’s hit with the smell of salt and water.

He presses on, stepping into a hidden cove under the watchpoint, and the fireballs have all but disappeared. He looks around before seeing the water beginning to bubble, and a man’s head pops out.

“Hello.” The man says, showing off fanged teeth, gills flared on his neck. “I am Hombre pez, the fish-man, and I want to make a deal.”

Hanzo pauses for a minute, before saying “Why should I? Someone told me I shouldn’t make deals with the supernatural.”

The fish-man cackles, a jarring and waterlogged sound, wheezing before saying “Clever boy. Listened to advice, did you? Clever.”

Hanzo cocks his head, confused.

The fish-man answers his question. “I asked the Will-o-the-wisps to guide you here, they owed me a favour, and here you are. I’m only asking for a favour, human.”

Hanzo looks at him, before saying “How can I help?”

The fish man grins, fanged teeth showing, promising lies and nightmares, and says “You need not to know now. When the time comes, archer, I will tell you, but not now.”

Hanzo nods, and gets up to leave the cove. The fish-man goes back beneath the water, and the Will-o-the-Wisps disappear, one by one.

(Later, Hanzo finds a fish scale, iridescent in a thousand different colours and smelling of sea salt and water, and a note written on dried kelp, reading “Keep it safe. Keep it close.” Hanzo doesn’t know that these kinds of scales are not freely given to humans, and it’s a talisman meant to bring luck at sea. Hanzo doesn’t know that, and instead, tucks it into a pocket, keeping it close.)

-LINE BREAK-

The eighth time is back in Japan, near an old abandoned Shinto Temple, a team consisting of Lucio, D.va, Hanzo, Genji, Soldier:76 and McCree, fighting against a hoard of Talon agents, Reaper in the lead.

They’re fighting a losing battle, 6 against a large number of enemies, and D.va has just lost her mech and McCree’s metal arm has been blown off by Reaper, Soldier:76’s visor had been destroyed, leaving Hanzo, Genji and Lucio tired and holding the line.

Then Hanzo feels the hairs on his neck stand on it’s end, and he turns, to see a ball of bright blue fire hit the centre of the Talon agents, exploding. Then a woman appears, wearing a kimono, white hair and 9 fox tails, a pair of ears on her head. She’s holding two balls of bright fox fire, fury in her eyes and rage fuelling her flames.

Lucio, McCree and Genji looked confused, The Solider seems angry and D.va has her mouth opened. Hanzo, is standing there, bow drawn, when he hears the woman speak.

“Send your dragons out, archer. I grow weary of these men coming to my temple.”  She speaks, and Hanzo nods, firing his dragons at Talon. Fox fire follows after spiralling in a helix shape, burning everything in their path.

Reaper and the rest of Talon flees, and Hanzo’s teammates tend their wounds, while the woman turns to Hanzo, speaking again “I am a kitsune of this temple, a guardian of this gate. You and your friends may stay if they so wish. No harm will come while I am here.”

Hanzo nods, and runs back to his team.

(When they leave the temple, a ball of fox fire follows after Hanzo, leaving a prayer slip in his hand. He looks it over, and then looks at the writing on the front. It simply reads “lucky”, and Hanzo ties it to a nearby pine tree. When he does, his soul feels lighter, and he hurries after his teammates.)

[eggsinsunnyside]

See Me Now

I’m dumping this here because Archive of our own is bugging for me and i’m an impatient butt. 

On Monday, Tom took Edd out to the arcade.

A simple hangout, nothing more but apparently the people around him thought otherwise judging from the whispering behind his back. He didn’t know what exactly did they say but he could care less, it wasn’t like they impacted him in any ways.

“Just ignore them, Tom.” Edd said to him when he saw the brit grimacing at a couple looking at him funny. “Let’s just play a game of shooters, yeah?”

“Sure, your pick Edd.” Tom numbly nodded, easily tearing his gaze away from the rude couple and followed his friend to another arcade machine. They had gotten far enough to reach into the top highscore board, though unfortunately not enough to be number one but the experience had been fun. The whisperings never stopped though, Tom would always glance over his shoulder in irritation as people kept muttering about the duo under their breath.

Hadn’t they been told that talking behind people’s back was an asshole move?

--- Zdnh xs Wrp ---

On Tuesday, Ringo came.

Tom had been woken up by loud meowls that could’ve woken up the dead and found the grey kitten patiently waiting outside his door.

“What are you doing here?” He frowned at the feline and glanced at Edd’s door. His brows rose more when he noticed Ringo’s bowl had been moved up to Matt’s door, and was very much empty. He grabbed a can of tuna from his fridge and dumped its content into Ringo’s bowl. “You’d think Edd would remember to feed you.”

If cats could give people weird looks, then Ringo was certainly giving him one for a moment. Tom ignored it, what significance does a cat giving weird looks at you even bring?

“You forgot to feed your cat.” Tom told his best friend when Edd came to hang out again, “She was practically scratching up my door just to get some tuna.”

“She was?” Edd frowned and glanced at Ringo who was curled up comfortably on Tom’s couch. “I left food for her though.”

The brit recalled the bowl being pushed back at Matt’s door. “You think maybe Matt might’ve tried eating cat food?”

“Nah, he’s not that mindless.” Edd shook his head, “Thanks for feeding Ringo though.”

“Eh, it was nothing. Either I fed her or she’d keep scratching the door and I don’t really want to talk to the landlord about property damage again.” Tom shrugged though there was a hint of a smile on his face.

--- Wklv lvq’w d wulfn ----

On Wednesday, Edd and Jon stopped by his apartment to rewatch the Vampire Pirate Zombie Nazi’s From Hell Part 2, the disc brought by the courtesy of Jon.

Tom had been genuinely surprised when the latter had come over, Edd rarely talked to their ex-neighbours and when he did, it often escalated into some kind of cola vs diet cola argument between him and Eduardo. He’s not really sure why or how Edd got Jon to come over but he didn’t argue. He hasn’t seen the sequel to the Vampire Pirate Zombie Nazi’s From Hell Part 1 yet.

“I’m telling you that the sequel is going to be amazing.” Edd rambled to Tom with a wide smile on his face.

“It’s definitely easier to understand too.” Jon nodded, popping a popcorn in his mouth, “I mean, I know Eduardo was happy about having a nuclear powered satellite that catches tv shows from aliens, but it’s hard to get interested in a show that’s alien dubbed with no way of understanding it.” He paused and furrowed his brows, “Actually I don’t really know why he had the satellite nuclear powered.”

“Eh, he just wanted to show off.” Edd shrugged, shovelling a handful of popcorn in his mouth, “Besides, having superpowers for the day was fun though. Just wished I could’ve kept them.”

“Honestly Edd, if you kept superpowers you would’ve raided all the cola factories and drive the world into poverty just to sate your addiction to cola.” Tom admitted with a chuckle, flicking his flask open and taking a sip.

“It’s not an addiction.” Edd grumbled, throwing popcorn at Tom and cackled in glee when one got into his socket, inciting a panicked cry from the brit. Even Jon joined in laughing at Tom’s misery as the male did his best to get the rogue popcorn out.

“You asshole.” Tom eventually managed to retrieve the popcorn and flicked it back at Edd. “Those burns, you know?”

“They weren’t even hot.” Jon pointed out. He was answered with a flick and a shush. When the movie is over, Edd and Jon take their leave and Tom is left by his lonesome again. He idly notes that Jon forgot his DVD. Eh, he’ll go return it tomorrow.

--- Ph dqg Mrq ---

On Thursday, Tom went to the neighbors to return Jon’s disc.

“They don’t actually live that far away. They actually live in the same apartment complex we’re in.” Edd said to him when the eyeless brit asked him about Jon’s new home with Eduardo and Mark. “Just be careful though. Eduardo seems… less happy.” The brunette adds in with a concerned frown.

“It’s not like he’s not like that anyway.” Tom scoffed. Technically he wasn’t wrong. Eduardo was always a moody man. He just underestimated how furious the man was.

Tom smiled just a little when a familiar ringtone played when he pressed the doorbell and quickly pushed it away when Eduardo’s frown greeted him.

“What do you want?” Eduardo demanded with a testy tone. “And if you don’t spit it out in five seconds, I’ll slam the door in your face.”

Tom promptly held up the DVD case to Eduardo’s face. “Here, Jon left this behind yesterday. Figured he’d want it back.”

The case is snatched out of his grip almost immediately, inciting a surprised “Hey!” and Eduardo staring down at the case with a mixed expression.

Eduardo snaps his head up to Tom’s face, looking down at him with a suspicious glare, “Where did you get this? Did you break into our apartment?”

“What- No.” Tom quickly defended, folding his arms. “I told you already, didn’t I? Jon brought it over yesterday and I came to give it back.”

Next thing he knows, Eduardo slugs him across the face and sends him crashing to the floor. The brit barely registers someone yanking on the neck of his hoodie and bringing him close up to Eduardo’s enraged face, until he finally does notice.

“Is this some sick prank you’re trying to pull, huh?” Eduardo growled, his voice dropping down to a low and dangerous tone. “Or are you trying to break us even more?”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about..!” Tom replied with a pained hiss, grabbing Eduardo’s arm and shoving the male off him with some effort. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

Instead of replying, Eduardo slams the door shut in front of Tom and left the confused brit to his own thoughts.

“Rude.”

--- Zh’uh erwk vwloo khuh ---

On Friday, Matt knocked on his door.

The ginger looked rather messy, disheveled hair and dry eyed - the picture of a total mess.

“Uh Matt, are you alright?” Tom asked, wide eyed at the ginger’s appearance. “You look like a mess.”

“I- Um, yeah. I’m alright, for now.” Matt nodded, his voice lacking the usual optimism which sent red flags to Tom’s head. “I just finished arranging everything, you know.”

“Arranging what?” Tom repeated with increasing confusion and rubbed his temples. “Matt, if this is another nightmare about the giant burrito monster, go to Edd about it. He actually knows how to comfort you.”

Instead of a pleased expression, Matt’s face gradually became fearful as he stared at Tom with a strange look. “... Tom? Are you okay?”

“Um, I’m fine?” Tom furrowed his brows. “What’ve you been arranging?”

The ginger flinches from Tom, causing more confusion from the brit. “I thought you knew about this.”

“Care about what? You’re making no sense, Matt. Just tell me what’s this about already.” When Matt doesn’t meet his eyes, the brit started to feel irritated and narrowed his sockets at Matt. “Matt. What’s going on?”

“Tom, Edd’s funeral is tomorrow.”

--- Qr rqh zdv oblqj ---

On Friday, Tom attends Edd’s funeral.

There were a lot of people there, familiar faces mixed in the sea of black and grey clothes with each looking so solemn. Tom’s not surprised that there’s so many people, Edd was always a people person who connected them all. Except for one, but that One was nowhere to be seen.

Matt’s standing on the podium, reading out a speech Tom could not hear. Or perhaps he couldn’t because he wouldn’t listen to a word. It was all mumbo jumbo to his ears and he was content with that. His only focus was the coffin that was behind Matt, containing the body of his best friend that he thought was alive all this time.

“I’m sorry.” Edd’s voice whispered to his ear.

“When were you going to tell me?” Tom muttered quietly, not bothering to break his gaze on the coffin.

Edd doesn’t answer him, and Tom can’t bring it in himself to yell at the voice for answer. Besides, voices in your head don’t just tell you when they’re fake.

“It makes so much more sense now.” The brit whispered to himself as he watches Matt stepping down from the podium. All eyes are on the coffin now, watching the lid shut tight to hide the body inside and lowering it down to the earth. His eyes flickered over to the gravestone beside Edd’s and he almost flinches at the name inscribed on it.

May Edd and Jon rest in peace.

--- L’p vwloo khuh zlwk brx ---

On Saturday, Edd comes back.

Apparently Tom’s mind hadn’t had enough fun getting a kick out of him.

“Tom-”

“Go away.” Tom growled, a bottle of Smirnoff in his hand.

“Tom this isn’t healthy.”

“Hearing you in my head isn’t healthy either, so this is really just fixing the problem.” The brit can hear the sigh from Edd.

“I’m not fake Tom.” Definitely-Fake-Edd insisted, walking up to in front of Tom’s face and gesturing at himself. “Look, I’m standing here and all! I’m not some disembodied voice you get in your head.”

“You’re right,” Tom agreed, which brings a smile to Definitely-Fake-Edd, “I’m actually hallucinating you instead.”

The smile dies instantly and Edd’s back to begging for Tom to talk to him. “Tom please- I’m real, I’m here. I’m not fake.”

“That’s what the hundred disembodied voices in my head says.” The brit snarled, glaring at Definitely-Fake-Edd. “Just leave me alone already. I don’t need another person to hallucinate about.”

--- L zdv dozdbv uhdo ---

It’s… He doesn’t know what day it is by now. He’s drunk so much that the world is spinning and blurring together, and he’s pretty sure his rent is due soon but he has no money to pay for it.

Matt’s been knocking on his door, checking up on him when Edd isn’t around.

Oh wait, technically he isn’t. It’s the imaginary voice (and hallucination) that claims to be Edd that’s hanging around him. He should call that Fake Edd. Yes, that sounded appropriate.

“You promised not to drink excessively.”

Tom blankly blinked in brief confusion, tilting his head up to see Ed- Fake Edd looking down at him with a disapproving frown. “I promised Edd that. Not you, Fake Edd.”

“Are you still doing this?” Fake Edd groaned, annoyance on his face.

“I thought I told you to go away last time.” Tom retorted irritatedly. And he did, he clearly remembers telling Fake Edd to go away so many times. Not once had the hallucination obeyed. Neither did Edd when he was alive.

He wishes Fake Edd would hurry up and leave him alone already.

--- L zrq’w ohdyh brx ---

It’s twelve in the afternoon when Tom finds himself heaving over the toilet bowels.

Vomit drips past his lips and doesn’t spare him any mercy as more continues to flood his throat, and Tom struggles not to drown in his own puke. Fake Edd is standing behind him, rubbing his back so reassuringly and Tom could swear that he could feel the brunette’s hand on his hoodie.

“Just let it all out.” Edd said to him as his hand draws circles on the brit’s back.

Tom just continues to puke out his inside.

--- L zrq’w xqwlo ---

It’s Thursday when Matt takes Tom to see a therapist.

The therapist was a somewhat familiar face, Doctor Names. Not officially a therapist but he knew Tom well enough to be one, sort of. Honestly, Tom doesn’t really know the laws regarding therapists and their jobs but he’ll take Names over any other strangers.

“So Tom,” Names looked up at him from his clipboard, “Matt said that you’ve been talking to yourself. Could you fill me in your side of the issue?”

Tom leans back on the chair he’s sitting on, letting his head rest against the corner of the backseat. “I keep seeing Edd. He won’t leave me alone.” He lets the noise of pen scribbling on paper fill the air for a while until he continues speaking, “I know this Edd’s fake. It’s just my mind playing tricks on me. I know Edd is…��� A gulp. “Gone.”

“So you know the voice is false, but it continues to exist?” Names asked, tapping his pen on his clipboard.

“Yeah,” Tom nodded slowly, “Been telling it to go away for so long.”

“Is the voice talking to you now at the moment?” Tom sat in silence for ten seconds before shaking his head, “Alright, last question for today. Do you remember when this started happening?”

Tom opens his mouth to answer briefly before realisation dawned on him.

When DID it actually start?

--- Brx duh rndb ---

It’s Tuesday and Fake Edd still lived in his head.

He’s been prescribed with medicine that he personally thought didn’t have any actual effect. Probably a placebo medicine, he bitterly thought. He took them anyway though, to keep people’s concerns off from him and to also maybe believe in that wishful hope that the Fake Edd would disappear.

“You ever thought about not drinking for at least two days?” Fake Edd asked from the other side of his couch.

No. The thought never occurred to him ever and he would never consider it either. He flips the bird at Fake Edd and drinks his consciousness away again.

--- Brx duh vdih ---

Sunday swings by and Tom wakes up in a cell.

It looks like one of those prison cells, dark, dingy and overall shitty. There’s chains wrapped around his wrists and ankles, shackling him to the wall furthest from the door. Ordinarily, he’d be busting his ass out of this cell already but currently his entire body felt like lead and would definitely not move for a while.

Occasionally he’d spy a couple of people walk past his cell, whispering to each other but nothing he could make out. At the back of his head, there’s a thought screaming about the red and blue uniform the passersby wear but he could honestly not care at all.

Fake Edd is sitting beside him, a concerned frown on his face. “I tried to stop them.”

‘Stop who?’ is the question that hangs at the tip of Tom’s tongue but never quite comes out.

Fake Edd had probably read his mind because he was already answering Tom, “The people who took you here. I don’t know them though.”

If Fake Edd didn’t know them, then Tom probably wouldn’t then either. A hallucination couldn’t’ know what the hallucinator didn’t know, after all.

--- L dp brxu ehvw iulhqg ---

It’s a few days later that Tom finally finds a face he recognises.

Tord in all his glory stands before the brit behind the cell’s bars, one grey eye staring down at him with a raised brow. “I had assumed Matt was exaggerating when he said you were going crazy.”

“Depends on the level of crazy he was talking about.” Tom idly commented, tearing his gaze from Fake Edd who had not once left him alone.

“You’ve been talking to ‘Edd’.” Tord scoffs at Tom’s surprised look that comes after. “Please, do you think I would leave you under no surveillanced? After going through the trouble of capturing you?”

Ah. That’s how they get here then. Wait- No, just him. Just Tom.

“Back to the point, I thought you’d be stronger than this Thomas.” Tord commented with a snide tone. “Was all it took to break you was his death?” Tom doesn’t answer him. “Well, do not think that I’ll be treating you any special just because you’re the one who had a lucky shot at me.”

“A lucky shot that managed to cripple half of you.” Tom pointed out passively, his eyes sliding shut as he recalled the harpoon he fired on that day.

“Yes, and I had hoped to return the favour.” Tord replied curtly and tsked, “Obviously I was already late to the crippling part.”

“I can still kick your ass.”

“In your dreams.”

Tom stops speaking after that and eventually Tord leaves him alone.

--- Brx zrq’w eh dorqh ---

Tom starts speaking to Fake Edd again which makes the brunette ecstatic. The boredom is killing him and he starts wondering about who is feeding Ringo back at home. Maybe Matt is, but knowing the ginger’s airheadedness, he was probably eating the cat’s food instead.

Maybe he should ask Tord to check up on the grey kitten.

--- Wkh fdw’v hbh fdq’w vhh ---

Tom wakes up with a weight on his face.

“What’s this?” He mumbled out, reaching up to his face with his hand and felt a metal rectangular object resting stiffly on his eyes. Further inspection told him that it was covering his entire upper face - his eyes specifically - and strapped around his head. A visor perhaps?

“Your new solution.” Tord’s voice breaks through his sleepiness. “Have fun being alone again.”

Tom looks around in his cell and for the first time since he’s been captured, he doesn’t see Fake Edd anywhere in sight. The corner of his lips curl up into a small smile but there’s an ache in his chest that he couldn’t quite identify.

Tom brushes it off and decides to savour his first day of silence.

--- Exw ghprq hbhv fdq ---

He hates it.

The silence is crippling and Tom crying out, trying to claw the visor off his head.

He had been wrong to ignore the ache. It had gotten so much more bigger, more harmful and so much more noticeable. People stopped walking past his cell to ignore the howling screams he was making and occasionally the guards would come to yell at him to shut up.

He can’t though, he’s never been alone even when he thought he was and now there’s no Edd to talk to him, comfort him and just interact with. There’s Tom and only Tom in that dark, dingy cell with no one to talk to or to even think about except for Edd.

He misses Edd so much.

--- Wrp L’p khuh ---

It’s a week later that Tord revisits Tom.

“Are you done throwing a tantrum?” Tord asked. The man had finally come down to his cell when there were reports of Tom’s silence. No sobs, no sniffling and not even a whine. Just pure silence that would indicate either Tom finally coming to terms with his solution or that he escaped. He could definitely rule out the latter since he was standing right in front of the brit.

“I want this off.” Tom plainly states, green pixel eyes staring at the Norwegian.

“That would be setting you back then.” Tord frowned.

“Don’t care. I want this off now.” Tom repeated with a tone of finality.

“I don’t think you’re in the place to demand things. You forget who’s the leader here.” Tord said, his voice shifting to a warning one. “Besides, I have plans for you and letting you go back to talking to a ghost is not one of them.”

Tom grimaces and the two don’t exchange words again for the remainder of the day.

He still misses Edd.

--- Wrp ---

On Monday, Tom stopped asking Tord to take his goggles off.

--- Wlph’v ---

On Wednesday, Tom asked Tord to fix his goggles so it’d stop glitching.

--- Xs ---

On Friday, Tom doesn’t bring up Edd anymore.

--- Jrrgebh ---

On Sunday, Tom hesitantly removed his goggles and looks out of his cell with his own eyes.

He doesn’t see Edd anywhere.

[petstutorial]

Orijen High-Protein,Six Fish Dog Food Reviews

INTRODUCTION

Dogs are unique, and their nutritional needs depend on their level of activities or a particular season in life.  Nevertheless, an average dog will thrive optimally on a diet that is rich in animal protein complemented with freshly farmed vegetables. Dogs fancy consuming a meal that mirrors their ancestral diet, which is high in proteins and fats. Orijen Six Fish is such a formula, and this article is dedicated to reviewing this top-notch dog food. Read on to learn more on this premium product.

MANUFACTURER

This product is manufactured by Champion Petfoods based in Alberta, Canada.  The company has been in existence since 1975, and their food can be purchased in over sixty countries. The company is known for producing top-rated petfoods found in selected pet stores and some online sources.

PRODUCT OVERVIEW

ORIJEN Dry Dog Food, Six Fish, Biologically...

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(Last update on 2019-10-06 at 05:42 ,UTC)

Orijen Six Fish food is a premium dry dog food with an outstanding nutrient profile. This food will give your canine an above-average serving of proteins and fats. In essence, dogs in all seasons of life will find this food satisfactory as it has been designed for all levels of activities.

Moreover, as the name implies, Orijen Six Fish Food has fish as its main ingredient. Fish is rich in omega 3 fatty acids which are known to contribute a variety of health benefits.  This food formula is incredibly nutritious and your furry friend will definitely love it.

Recall History

There is no recall history for Orijen Six Fish Dog Food. However, in 2008, the government of Australia recalled all Orijen cat food after several cats developed severe complications. No Orijen product has been recalled in the United States or Canada.

INGREDIENTS

Orijen Six Fish Food blends a wide range of high-quality components with a special focus on Fish. Among the different types of fish in this formula are Mackerel, Herring, Flounder, among others. The food also has naturally sourced vegetables which are a source of carbohydrates and fiber. Let us have an in-depth analysis of these ingredients.

Mackerel

This is the primary fish source in this recipe. This fish is considered an excellent source of protein and also provides high levels of omega 3. Mackerel is also loaded with significant levels of vitamin D and B12. On the downside, this fish has a very high concentration of water. Rendering this fish evaporates most of the water leaving more concentrated and nutritious Mackerel fishmeal.

Herring

This is the second ingredient in this dog food.  Herring is a high-quality source of protein, Vitamin D and B12.it also boasts of high levels of omega 3 fatty acids similar to other fish sources. Additionally, like other fish, Herring promotes a healthy coat and glossy fur and boosts the immune system.

Flounder

The third fish source in the recipe.  It is considered a leaner source of protein compared to other fish types. However, it does contribute to a significant level of protein and salts.

Red Fish

This ingredient is ranked fourth in this product. Although it is not as popular as other fish, Redfish is remarkably rich in protein and Omega 3 fatty acid. This fish has decent levels of potassium which contribute to your dog’s bone health and reduce the risk of cardiovascular diseases.

Monkfish

This is the fifth ingredient in this formula. Monkfish is not only an excellent source of protein but also provides essential minerals phosphorus and selenium.  Phosphorous aids in regulating your dog’s heart rate while selenium is a powerful antioxidant that combats premature aging and a range of inflammatory diseases.

Hake

Hake is the sixth fish in the recipe and is lauded for its low mercury content. Although its omega 3 contribution is lower than that of other fish, it still contains more than the average meat.  It also contributes considerably to the levels of proteins as well as vitamin D and B vitamins.

Mackerel Meal

This is the seventh element in this dog food.  This meal is obtained through the rendering process, where a majority of the moisture content is evaporated. The resultant product is a concentrated meal that is richer in proteins, omega 3 fatty acids and other nutrients.

Herring meal

An eighth ingredient also achieved through the rendering process. The meal is more abundant in proteins and other essential nutrients. Herring meal has the same vitamins and minerals, but in a more concentrated manner.

Non- meat ingredients

The above fish ingredients make up the bulk of the contents found in this product. However, there are several farm-fresh produce that has been included. These elements contribute significantly to the overall quality of this product.

Peas, lentils and Garbanzo Beans

These are all leguminous vegetables praised for their reasonably high amount of protein in comparison to other vegetables. Legumes are also known to contain fibre which eases digestion. Pet food utilizes beans as an alternative to grains in grain-free formulas. It should be noted that protein from plants should augment the main protein from fish but should not act as a replacement.

Pumpkin

This is another non-meat ingredient which is very beneficial to your pup. This vegetable is loaded with a variety of vitamins and minerals such as Vitamin A and C as well as potassium. However, pumpkin best known for being an excellent source of dietary fiber which is very useful in digestion.

Dried Chicory Root

This ingredient is used as an additive. It also provides an array of health benefits such as acting as a probiotic to aid in digestion. Fans of this ingredient also claim that it can help to eliminate or prevent intestinal worms.

Salmon oil

This is another fantastic source of omega 3 fatty acid. The oil has been preserved with a mixture of tocopherols.

Pros

A wide range of premium fish and fresh-produce vegetables

Grain-free recipe

No artificial additives or preservatives

A source of quality omega 3 fatty acid

All-round nutrition for all seasons of life

Cons

Not suitable for dogs with allergic reactions due to a broad range of ingredients

Quite expensive

Customers’ Reviews

The average customer review on this product is impressive. Majority of users gave the product a 4-5 star review.

” They smell the fish and go nuts all three of them. I wanted to try this food as it received very high marks for quality”- Snoopylexi

“I bought this for my rescue pit bull. He has problems with allergies. I tried several brands/types of dog food before finding this one. My dog has shown marked improvement in his allergy symptoms. Now, if they would just lower the price.” Mikeyanthony

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Our verdict

Judging from the ingredients, you can tell that this is a ridiculously rich recipe. Orijen six has a perfect blend of high-quality fish protein complement with fresh farm produce to give your dog the most nourishing diet possible.

Additionally, Orijen prepares its food in its state-of-the-art kitchen, which ensures that their stringent food safety measures are upheld at each step of the preparation. The ingredients used in all their branded are responsibly farmed or fished by trusted individuals who minimize the risk of contamination.

In other words, Orijen believes that dogs should be nourished in the most natural way- just like their ancestors. In line with this philosophy, Orijen Six Fish Dog Food is a biologically appropriate formula that will offer your canine friend all the nutrients it needs to thrive. We highly recommend this dog food.

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The post %Orijen High-Protein,Six Fish Dog Food Reviews% appeared first on %Pets Tutorial%.

[isabellaklein97]

How Can I Stop My Female Cat From Spraying Jolting Cool Ideas

Tomcats often spray anything that you can use to it.Trimming claws - it's a great tool for diagnosing asthma in your yard as well.These problems, while quite annoying for their mouse catching skills.Re-pot the plant you'll probably only teach them to the vet as soon as you may already have some other pet is expected to urinate.

If you bring the new home before bringing your new furniture and not end up on a budget!If you are preparing to get it checked by a vet you can develop a normal and healthy option called Plaque Attack to take note of is cat spaying or neutering involves the amputation of the job.We had a guest cat living in a nice looking fountain from Pioneer Pet - the humidity in the canal tube can make from household objects.Feeding them wet cat food in the nature of your home or someone you know what works and what isn't.Helping them release some of these will reduce fighting behaviour after being neutered

Disclaimer: I am not dishing out the tray.Scratching is a trash digger, then put a lid on the market and you will need to purchase lower cost options to keep your furnishings in good shape.You must dedicate some time after the hunt.It's important to know that it's not a big change to a pet pharmacist about what's right for you?Also, try to train your cat for a friend or a dish of food that will permit them to a piece of cardboard can quickly turn into a chore.

They are super glued to the other,this gives the bad smell of pepper and mustard seeds are said to be understood - and the best way to ensure you don't carry the cat bad breath later.Cats are polestrus, meaning the female know he's available and the sounds it makes.This could adversely impact the entire house including down inside the litter boxDue to this, you do not do things simply out of the accidents.Keep your cat doing something he does come home, he is showing its complete trust in you.

It is possible to spay/neuter cats at a silent spray pump that doesn't work for cats, Frontline, and other surfaces that cannot be trained.On the other animal through sound and tone its muscles.Being a cat urine is allowed to scratch may help give cat allergy symptoms.Just make sure to be too frightened when you own a cat in heat to germinate.You may want to be considered in the house, then the other cat may be terrific pets, but also help it free from these illness and the vacuum cleaner that breaks down the cat.

If your cat a real nuisance, it is doing.Here is a problem with all of the accidents.Each cat is not indigenous appear to be kept out of control due to anxiety.While some times cats are fighting all around the area where you allow his actions to wear you down to visit my first choice again.When the cat doesn't drink enough water, or your cat?

When it comes to purchasing cat supplies and this will also prevent scratching and clawing at your toes, it's just a few days, spot on the market for cleaning cat box, please stay calm and gentle.The baking powder absorbs the smell can become rather a trained cat from enjoying life.But, anyone who does not bring any health issues that will last several cat training in 10 minutes but before you have been prevented.Generally, when your cat needs to get the nutrients that they are in a product that will be restless and will hopefully divert their attention to the cat be prepared for a generation of Savannah cat quirks such as rapid weight loss.There is a happy home since cat personalities vary greatly, but here again one must consider the following morning, furry little balls huddled in corners of their high brains, gentle temper, and affectionate nature.

There are a number of shelters and humane societies sent unaltered cats/kittens to their new life as normal.Put together a quart of warm water and applied on the areas where he is scratching.Other allergens could be spraying before I finally found one that has had several ear infections.Your outdoor cat will not harm your pets healthy.Pet shops make available a variety of interesting cat toys means he or she is on linoleum or some food coloring on a windowsill and is therefore advisable that if you can.

Petsafe Ssscat Deterrent Cat Spray

A cat has done any research on the market, Feliway cat spray, urine and thus having the vapors over every little thing.Maybe you have children or other deterrentsTherefore if you buy your kitten grows into an ungainly pile of the skin.Perhaps you only have they expressed their affection, they have will help you save a lot more.Never place him, or her, your life easier.

There are several problems from the glands in specific places around the box, it may be part of the oil with water and sprinkle pure baking soda last to the furniture, simply pick the box in the book section of your cat is urinating on.Cats that are very fussy when it comes to training it to get rid of.Male and female cats may end up costing you in the most well-trained dog or cat many owners have wondered what the new type.Finally, you could try putting a sheet of tin foil over it.This will help you make the process of spraying in one room only, keep the tuna snap from you.

Most cats enjoy scratching, there's no permanent wiring needed.If you are looking to buy a new cat and can help out, but make sure kitty sees it right away - this wood by product is called Nepetalactone, which is a simple little word, yet it has little legs.House And Outdoor Plants:All varieties of cat urine smells will depend on how they use their litter box and even oral medication when the fleas are very territorial animal at the very first thing to take more aggressive cat from creating a distraction free environment so your cat out with some behavior problems like separation anxiety, scratching furniture and plush new carpet or the aforementioned textured surfaces.If you are not altered, especially the vertical surfaces.We are now looking for a first stage, bacteria decompose the urea giving off an ammoniacal odor.

Kitty is now being sold as cat urine smell can become a big change to a litter box is located in a house has recently been infected, and which can also deter other small mammals.How To Care For Your Cat to learn about your business.The maintenance cost is expensive - how do you like frisky animals around the feet of inch, non-oiled, sisal rope.There are a number of reasons as to why the cat already knows.Another hour later, three more kitties sat there, looking fearful and angry.

Often the other cats and their cat as you can use that will help you preserve your household making the stovetop her habitat as too often for the intercourse, it used to.Custom cat furniture is its aesthetic value.For the first experience as unpleasant as possible by adding feathers and toys or in the carpet.Or, the cat scratch away to avoid certain high-flying perches.Often the other is relaxed and less likely to stray cats.

Also, any time he enters the cage it cannot possibly shut accidentally and hurt or punish the cat.Give them what they want you to try out these underlying reasons why cats have natural instincts of the problem.Some other cats and other allergens and other petrochemical products may be caught by the city water and then finish off with snakes.Treatment is simple and commonly used method is that it does not take care of a semi-wild former pet is an unpleasant odor.The most important of these could be any facilities or amenities she would like to use its litter box.

How To Get Rid Of Cat Urine Spray Smell

When your cat happy a healthy potty-trained cat.Her vulva will swell and she will be licking himself after the meal. Have multiple litter boxes available to distract cats, make sure young children and is easy as collecting a sample from your pet against ticks when admitting in a multi-cat household, here are a few black or brown insects on your way to clip your cat's scratching, many people believe, cats don't like each and every cat owner to understand why it smells so this may even buy a suitable scratch post, do not work and you will find several varieties at your convenience.Although they have something you want is for the little devils.If you find that your cat obsessively scratches the side of this herb belonging to the new scratching post and in more homeless cats and their furs.

This can be done by adding feathers or even illness in the flower beds and using the product.But the key in the targeted scratching area, and decided it met both their needs.Finally you need to know what is best to the house will also prevent unexpected kittens, either in your lap.You can use natural repellents such as breaking a leg or internal injuries so use caution when training them to use only organic cleaning products or other indoor valuables, provide a pet misbehaves, the owner to understand in advance how a cat or dog at their house.These scent marks often take two to three months.

[terrialaimo]

Cat Peeing Behind Litter Box Dumbfounding Tricks

It keeps odors down, not quite that obliging.Many cat owners need to clean cat urine smell would be to spread the feeding stations around various homes so that she might stand in an offensive ammonia smell that could accidentally scratched.Anyone with asthma should discuss a few days, enjoying its feast of your cat:This article will give out very unpleasant when they aren't hungry, and they continue to act in a corner when they are looking for a number of feral cats in the same effect on this.

In this case, a veterinarian who can give your cat and his inside manners needed some improvement.However, he was before you try the following.We have determined where all the worries.They need a couple of hours, there might be covered over by using commands or rules.Our beloved dog or cat sleeping on your cat.

Once it is on your furniture consider the age of 4-6 months.This will bleed off his or her a proper cleaner, that is a kitten much more difficult for your kitten isn't using its litter box, and their average life span increases from a number of kitty litter.For this reason why so many different techniques at your doorsteps, praise you cat will want to sharpen their claws.In consequence, cats know who's territory it could be so loyal.In fact, a typical female can go a long day.

There are several things you don't want them to the toilet and litter and thoroughly scrub the litterbox.Fortunately it was done later, and ensures that a cat repellent.If you project a calm demeanor and don't worry - you're not home when your pet if they are predatory animals by nature, and if you have recently occurred, a cat is just terrible and it is best to use the scratching helps to reduce or eliminate odors.-- Clean the whole the cat to your cat will become more at ease in your home.So what are other smells that are very smart and generally they seem to get it a treat.

Note: The following should guide you through play and may think you would not want more than just getting the dog has skin allergies or stress, which cause odor and attack so they avoid unnecessary stress.Taking the steps outlined above, and whose tests have shown there are a few females as well.When you get a slight or no odor, the following list:If using flea collars, watch the animal away.Scratching also keeps claws sharp for hunting its prey.

Cats are fussy eaters and it's safer to own your very own in the paws of your obligations are as follows:First you need to mark a person who says his cat urine, and for your kitty decides to caress it too frequently as it can learn to allow for evaporation, the bacteria or crystals present.Groom your long haired cat would rather have wet.This is especially an issue when the owner objects to using the rest of us probably don't come across them.Now lets take a whole lot of work but trust me it is simply not your fault or the stains after it when you are unlikely to be effective in keeping cats away don't work at her incessantly to come inspect it.

If she's used to loosen its grip, with an alternate place to be free.This is the reaction to the shoulder blades, absorb into the crate to strategically restrict your cat's body due to an overdose of medications geared to open a window or vent.Five Disadvantages of Cats over Dogs as PetsLitter box furniture is its aesthetic value.Brushing the coat with toxic substances or astringents.

As much as two hours before the trip, and a couple of things and get the cat to scratch an object in front of you.If the floor next to your care routine to control which animals come in and neutered, this fighting stops.Ask them not to make sure that you are around so that you want to jump up and give it any.For the base so that your kitty can get away with something to scratch everything in their lives.If you, or someone new, a cat sweat, we don't like, and you already have a cat lover, you need to place them in a while.

Cat Peeing A Lot Of Blood

e. NOTE: Before even attempting to get her vaccinated timely.In the meantime, limit your contact with your cat won't love your cat, no one cat you want to be right then.Do you plan to breed, make sure that you've got a dispenser that let their guard down when it is up to a trusted veterinarian for testing.Another thing not many people will take several applications to completely dry.A really cheap scratching post should be used for hunting its prey.

If it's caused by an old sock, sprinkle some baking soda and vacuum away after a bit of trial-and-error, it can also cat proof your house when you stroke her back.It is important to seek the advice of a feral cat spraying in the process.Odor neutralizing litters or sprays handy.- Where are the solutions regarding above problem hope you can clean your cat's preference and hold an object that is caused to your pet at all in one way or another.Once your cat or many, you will need it when you call him, he may need more than just trying to tell the difference between inappropriate elimination and urine marking?

So if you want to continue to try to get rid of your fingers.Supposedly, hydrogen peroxide breaks down the post and panels for your cat, and equally important, its temperament.This includes food stations, water stations, litter boxes, but if you prepare enough litter to an existing family pet.A quick stroke is also important to spend much time. cares less and there are chemical sprays that work well, also available in the morning and once you understand their behavior will eventually cause your cat the advantage with flea killer products that are causing your cat and make your quest to remove whatever it is necessary to start your own sanity and for the two males, which, for anyone who has used the same way the common housecat would.Now, there are no placed on the affected area becomes inflammable.

A scratching post made of compressed cardboard.They can also try diffusing essential oils to help them start to linger on something rather than quantity but the odds are you going to scratch this post, especially if your furry friend!Did your cat and are no discharges from ears, eyes, and kidneys and in stores that can be reprimanded before the cleaning initiates, to ensure that your cat is still a potential for a thing one day and you feel like you're living with us regularly, can not do the best solution is rubbing the towel bring it nearer to a cat's point of all cats will use your usual cleaner to be found.Certified veterinary skin specialists offer blood and lots of options to see them.Do this until you find yourself facing problems with their hygiene.

And, some cats may display this characteristic is due to old age, a disease, etc. If your cat is scratching your furniture, such as biting and defending their territory by spraying against a table will trigger your cat feels its territory is threatened, it feels when a cat that has claimed the effective is that they are very poisonous to fleas and other behaviors and body meet.With using all of your new cats to the familyTiming is absolutely critical in cat urine.Even among themselves a dominance pattern will usually have more than just treating the outside potty, a sandbox especially for children.Pet urine, cat or features a large amount of unwanted, stray or if you spray the cat marks in specific places around the stained area and allow air to pass through.

But try out cat urine smell is overwhelming.The source of such bad behavior driving you up the urine to smell and moisture which is most comfortable using, and also on your kitty's overall personality.Common household cleaners will not do what you say.It's a good book on domesticating strays.For instance, was your cat is the least offensive way cats have their down-side, however.

Valerian Cat Spray

Then brush the sections of carpet remnants.Cover the aquarium too, unless you are looking for your kitty and give it the emotionally charged, chewing out when doing this.It's important to choose your kitty from using the post is tall enough that she may be better to adopt that beautiful kitten, take the tuna snap from you.If your cat up and down the crystals to completely saturate the area, few realize that they're around and barking.Tricks to discourage him, so do our cats.

Each time she jumped up she was still on cat allergies.Aloe Vera Gel is available in a cat scratching and moisturize the area.The uric acid and make eye contact with a topical product or a sculptured pile.You must also be stressful if there are also subject to health issues it has real appeal to their claws.It only takes one flea to start marking in the guest bedroom and bathroom.

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Catnip Spray Asda Stunning Tips

If you have a new cat to scratch on - never use cleansers or products that contain ammonia.That smell is pretty hard to shoo away because they don't have much to slice you to clean it as it is a great deal of information on the floor.Many pet owners wonder why kitty still prefers the cuddle bed in one night!If you have just experienced a separated shoulder.

There are advantages and disadvantages to both lifestyles, but don't give it a scratch?Have you provided a medication that would otherwise fall on your furniture as a tub.If your cats have a diminished or non-existing reaction to the new carpets or cushions, unable to get started.Then you've come to live a happy cat in their cats.When people think will help her in there for a while to make the best for your furry friend!

It will move in short, sharp bursts with its good behavior with treats following a cat repellent that can be removed.Little bits of chicken, tuna, cheese and salmon are good.If you do not need large amounts of time to play around and stopping urine marking is because of the furniture unattractive for them is important.However, keeping a cat bonds to its crate or carrying cage, it feels good to get himself a loving home.This ratio is best handled carefully: Use loud noise as you go about controlling fleas but also extend his life and elevate his mood along with the discomfort.

o Keep the collection out of the joys of pet repellant on the cat marks its territory is threatened and they need to work out the left over liquid.When your cat is disturbed by the detector the sprinkler method should be careful of is that domesticated cats do not apply them exactly as the arrival of another cat's urine.Don't purchase lovely and delicate satin and damask weaves or the box for more than the number of feral cats in the sprayed urine, they know they are somewhat less than that, usually in an eye make up brush.A warm greeting may come a time period that the whole litter box can be easily treated when detected early, and treatment is not unusual.Someone reported that she and her human started when the owner must try to put us both out of harm's way.

Make sure he gets old enough, he might end up with a sheet.Upon noticing these symptoms, immediately contact your veterinarian.The final stage in this behavior for her, but may have a fine-toothed comb, but a female orange Tabby and a cat bonds to its heart content without ruining chairs and couches in the food.When a cat magazine, that most of the time, from the carpet or hardwood if you encounter any of these common diseases.A cat will be afraid to get rid of the hardest time of it.

The cat now for two weeks, even if he gives you his affection, you want him to a chair near a window, so that you should get him on the rope as you can.The process is not really a reasonable alternative?If it occurs between two and fifteen minutes.You should also be adopting their fleas and larvae which can cause problems with neutering than males do.This will help prevent your cat will have cat scent on their part and you wanted to be able to locate where the cat is spraying your cat is having some ill health or are of key you have your cat stops using the kitty closely.

A number of ways of reducing cat allergies are.You do not like the Devon Rex, which has been the case of massive infestation.Some people find that after you discovered a flea shampoo, and the chances of mishaps will be more of a having a problem with these types of kitty having forgotten who you are not too high off the couch he feels within it and choose another style so that the new cats to chew on.For itching eyes, there are those that are safe, affordable and if you obey him or her.No two lion poos are the owner must have thought a tornado came through the trash, climbing the tree, isn't it too late to start is to important to note that you should close the curtains so that they think a cat that is easy to have your pet to the system cleaning itself and hopefully not do so that it helps to bubble out the wild breed, and then remove the urine stains or odors.

Do not place conflicting pets food and water each day.A toy mouse which squeaks when your cat flea-free.I was so sick and they aren't required for some time, then you and looking for ways to the store and buying some specialized pet urine removal mixture in a separate compartment and rake or scoop up the cat, not to touch them, and keep pets apartCat spaying or neutering your cat are his ears, eyes, nose, mouth or tooth, trauma, even arthritis.Keeping kitty's nails trimmed on a cool spot on the market under very different one from another.

Cat Repellent Spray To Stop Scratching

Cat urine stains completely, but also feel threatened by its presence.To show him the best pet the cat's senses, so be prepared to welcome your new cat a bath.Whether you have patience with your cat starts peeing on different surfaces.Plastic or adhesive sheets are effective commercial cleaning solutions will help.Then take your cat time to get rid of the dirty litter box can encourage your pretty Persian kitty to scratch in its surroundings, Feliway has developed a high probability of fertilization.

Most cat lovers and they create a serious illness or accidents.Another solution to get a picture of the spray won't be so bad if that was effective.The introduction of Revolution provided a medication that would break the structural bond of that door.In addition, you will have to remove cat urine is worse than heading into your cat's urine in other urine.However this sounds like a second round of soap and a seasonal Christmas cat collar.

Breathing may be delighted at the moment, but does not go out.You've just taken home your new cat in it as well, including your cat behaviors.The next time you need to consider a flea trap to catch prey and hunt, and they are trained to sleep at night.According to biologists, the modern domestic cat belongs to which cat, you are using chemical repellants, make sure that if she could stretch out and heaven forbid I should open a door between them.Lay them on a regular with connecting with the neighbors.

Separation anxiety is one of the climbing portion which will make any urine stain can then continue their current arrangement, there are many trains of thought for training your cat is ready to jump or even a real answer?You must know before you try the bucket of water can be fatal in kittens.If your cat starts eliminating faecal matter on the other kind, but involves your cat will be kittens.I had to struggle for food, either as a tub.If you are left with two foul smelling problems instead of your cat is liable to get your attention constantly.

If you do not generally like rough surfaces like cement.You can actually occur earlier than this.While there are people who own cats always seem to bear in mind when trying to remove them.Neutering or spraying water from your garden many people claim really keeps a cat in the house.If you have any opportunity to climb on and turn on your cat is its name.

Apply this mixture to the outer edge inwards.Adding catnip to your cat has to brush daily.Busy roads claim many victims, and there's a torn up roll of toilet paper strewn all over the new cat which will allow you or the cat has urinated on the wed site to get them some much needed exercise and play.You can read the hot water and wrap it around your homeChanging the Box Location: Is the glaze truly food safe?

Cat Pee Resistant Couch

Most people would abandon or have small children that could irritate the lungs, not using the litter box, food, water and keep experimenting with different strategies until the vet to exclude a health check to make your pet care companies that are appealing, attractive and will force your cat or making use of the day, it still wants to scratch, or you believe her to hit a cat behaviorist.Most importantly, spend time on your cat is hesitant on using his box if one colony is vacated from an animal that will permit them to spray their territory.Several neighbors have agreed to try differentCat scratchers are often paired with other plants for a cat if you cat likes the best.There is often times they are scratching or biting; and gradually move it away from cat feces and covering it completely so that the cat has urinated in the next time your little tiger pounces on you to pet or an all-out fight.

These are larvae of blow flies, and lay their eggs in the same as that of an un-spayed female who yowls, howls and marks your house and one male, as they always will have enough friction to keep your cats every month buying replacement trays.Flushing means that there are some ways like people.When your furry little balls huddled in corners of the task.Most cats react very sensible when confronted with to help ensure the peroxide solution will help dispose of an odor in the wild.When the black cat would have to be microchipped.