#not zero and i dont remember how 4 ends lol

[nicomrade]

Who are your fave and least fave fkmtverse characters?

the first that came to mind was hyoudou senior i just dont enjoy seeing him on screen very much and i think hes boring & annoying as a character. hes fine in middle management blues tonegawa cause then its a comedy manga & we poke fun at him but like as an Antagonist in Best Gambling Manga Ever Made Kaiji Part One its like. i just dont want him ever having the spotlight for more than than a single plotbeat at a time. im less scared thinking about "what if the ending of kaiji ruins all of my analysis so far?" than when i read people talk about hyoudou being the final antag of part 7. this is my 1 singular fear but this being said, im fine with hyoudou existing. hes not that bad. the one in zero was worse and by "the one in zero" i do mean theres at least 3 (?) of them and theyve merged into 1 singular existence in my memory. im sick of them. can we stop? it makes me appreciate how fucking awesome washizu is when i see fkmt utterly fail at writing any other good character w this archetype. what did he put in washizu that made him awesome? mahjong?

i typed too much about hyoudou but i still wanna mention some absolute FLOPS of fkmt characters like the protagonist from RUDE 39 (the pachinko manga fkmt did) katagiri yuuji... whys he named the exact same thing as the protag of t*m*dachi game? RED FLAG. i actively rooted for his ruin the entire time i read that one. i dislike him greatly. can we kill him? in a similar vibe i just cannot like nikaido of hell golf fame. initially i wanted him put in a death game cause thats just what i like reading about but it progressively grew into a need to see him suffer horribly on screen. i need him tortured and NOT mentally the psychological torture of being a loser is NOT enough for him i need him in REAL ACTUAL HELL. im still keeping w the nikaido chapters tho

my blogging may sound like i hate miyoshi greatly also but thats all in jest & good fun hes a good antagonist and a good punching bag. its very fun and enjoyable to go "miyoshi sucks miyoshi should die me and my friends wouldve killed miyoshi with hammers" which makes him a GOOD character i enjoy. hes awesome. hes my singular favorite example of hte trope of "the protags friend betrays them in the death game" its so masterfully pulled. miyoshis awesome. & i love how they wrote him in life in tokyo ichijou LOL hes also very important for kaijis depth of character- heres a guy he saved who then backstabs him. does he still believe in trust? is he still incapable of (direct) violence? and paves the way for part 4+5. miyoshis awesome. hes not top 3 favorites tho. hes just an honorable mention i guess

as mentionned i love washizu also hes my grandpa and i love him. also i love akagi hes my one singular favorite fkmt character its not even close no elaboration needed. i enjoy & love & think about all the akagi characters, banger after banger, urabe u are so funny, and so on. one year ill remember to celebrate yukio day properly. lets move on

SAHARA i love sahara an abnormal amount ive just made up so much shit about him that is real to me n then i read part 1 again n i dont notice that theres very little supporting my vision. but im RIGHT. he begged to be in the death game. he BEGGED to be in the DEATH GAME over being a WORKER. this dude rocks. i know in my heart that he loves gorey movies and he laughs when the characters die & his favorite movie is funny games but he disagrees w everyones analysis of it he just thinks its a fun movie? its a fun time? i also love endou & have similarly made shit up about him to meeeee he got broken up w between part 1 and 2 and htis explains literally everything about him. the way he yells at kaiji in the bathroom is just him projecting his frustration & anger he had with his ex. its NOT about kaiji. it simply makes sense.

uhm this is already too long but i didnt even get to ten. i love ten dearly. i also enjoy mamiya greatly as a character shes funny & a very interesting protagonist for a psychological, hot mahjong action work. her kinda character would be more usually seen in comedy slice of lifey mahjong (like penchan!) so its interesting. its fun. its new

in conclusion i like the characters that are good and dislike the ones who are suck

[orionsangel86]

Listening to The Sandman Audible again and I can't help but think about a few interesting choices made including:

1. Hob and Dream have absolutely ZERO chemistry. Like there is nothing there at all. I physically can NOT ship Audible Hob and Dream the actor playing Hob is just far too Straight and kinda annoying #sorrynotsorry. I've listened to Hob's scenes with Dream in Audible a few times now for my Dreamling meta essay and its literally a zero on the chemistry front. There is nothing compelling there I'm afraid.

2. However Dream and Lucifer have amaaazing chemistry and its honestly difficult to listen too WITHOUT assuming they had a fling back in the old days. Its implied in the comics, but imo they went pretty heavy in this (clearly Michael Sheen knows all about getting fans to ship his characters lol).

3. Titania x Dream is confirmed in Audible. They talk about how they slept together in A Midsummer Nights Dream (I checked and this isn't in the comic and Titania refuses to talk about her relationship with Dream in The Wake so its only ever implied until the Audible show). This officially makes Titania the only confirmed ex lover Dream is actually still on good terms. Something worth exploring in our meta analysis perhaps?

4. What the hell happened in Babylon? Okay so do y'all remember Pharamond? The transportation guy who helps Dream and Delirium travel on Earth? Yeah I barely paid attention to him in the comic, but in the Audible show he's like a super simp for Dream. I dunno if its just me but the chemistry between them is heady... like with Lucifer I get a strong impression that something went down between them and I'm just gonna go ahead and consider "we drank wine together in Babylon" a euphemism from now on.

5. Furry Porn...? I am absolutely dyyying to know how Netflix plans to portray Lady Bast, and Dream when Lady Bast sees him, because they dont have a lot of options tbh. Either they pull a Doctor Who cat people thing (which is always gonna look clunky and low budget) or they do some form of uncanny valley style CGI (prob the most likely option) or they just go full furry outfits (the funniest option imo however unlikely). Either way though, the Audible show turns up the heat. I love the voice actress for Bast, she totally leans in to the sexy kitten persona - like Cat Woman but extra furry and in heat. I wanna see the cat lady totally come on to Tom's Dream and see his reaction to her propositioning him whilst he has a cat face. Do NOT chicken out Netflix. You better lean into the extra weird even if it does end up looking like furry porn. I wanna see it, and I'm not even a furry! 😅

6. The Goddess of Love in the strip club - honestly HOW are they gonna adapt this? Its difficult enough having to listen to Neil Gaiman's voice explaining in graphic detail how the men watched her dance whilst ejaculating over and over again until they were "cumming blood".

Also "you really don't like women do you?" One issue before "he's gotta stop hanging out with poets and stick with me, I'll set him straight."

Dream really isn't beating the gay allegations anytime soon lmao.

[kushami-hime]

I posted 1,743 times in 2022

That's 226 more posts than 2021!

924 posts created (53%)

819 posts reblogged (47%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@onetrickponi

@thebigchoo

@goodlucksnez

@thescarlettletter

I tagged 1,039 of my posts in 2022

Only 40% of my posts had no tags

#kushami asks - 365 posts

#snzblr - 227 posts

#not snz - 213 posts

#snz kink - 207 posts

#snzfucker - 202 posts

#sneeze kink - 144 posts

#snz - 100 posts

#kushami wavs - 96 posts

#snz wav - 34 posts

#b/akugou - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 100 characters

#knowing that you all care so deeply for a stranger on the internet has restored my faith in humanity

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

CW: Sneezing, Stifles, Wet Sneezes, Half Stifles, BakuBrats stank attitude, embarrassment, 3 noseblows. 

One morning at the local hero agency, the newest generation fresh to the scene is called to a meeting by their serious colleague, Tenya Iida. Everyone is in attendance, including Ground Zero and Deku. But as they get settled in, a strong smell in the cramped room begins to set off Deku’s nose...this won’t end well. 

FIRST wav since...the dragon!baku one? That was done a hot minute ago I feel like but whatever lol. I cant find the proper anon question atm and to be honest I dont remember if its the same person but when you see this, I hope it’s alright! All I remember was that someone asked for D/eku dealing with someones strong perfume either in a mission/meeting/college lecture so I went with a meeting setting. I put my own little spin on it with music from the OST and using background sounds and stuff to give it more...immersion? idk lmao.

Anyway! It’s bedtime for me but horni hours for you guys. Enjoy! <3

102 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

#4

After waking up with a terrible fever, D/eku finds himself being taken care of by B/akugou, who’s usual rash behavior covers up his worrisome feelings over his lovers illness.

CW: Sneezing (dur) Baku being a tsundere mother hen, bratty sick Deku, Baku getting sneezed on (twice I think?), general caretaking, you know the drill. 

OK guys wtf HOW did this get so goddamn long!? This is my longest wav YET! And yet...I don’t think it lived up to the hype? Im just being hard on myself I guess, you all be the judge.

I really missed doing Deku and I got like, REALLY mess and REALLY stuffy during this wav and you can totally hear it nearer to the end/in the second half.

This was originally for THIS ask and Im sorry if it sucks (I know you said soft caretaker Baku but he’s pretty angry in the first half) but HEY its super long so there’s that? Lol. I also apologize for the quality, I had to knock it down during the export cause it was too big for Discord lol...

Anyway, um...enjoy I guess! It’s been a harsh week so Im gonna go eat something and watch anime I guess @-@ 

102 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

#3

CW: SLOW BURN, B/akugou being tied up/restrained, slight BDSM vibes, feather use, a LOT of sneezing (like...a LOT) long, drawn out holdbacks/build ups, some NSFW sounds if you squint, mess/hints at a lot of mess, feather allergy, my OC Tsumeko being a real bitch to blasty boi, established Pro Hero AU, hands free stifles, forced stifles, B/akugou being loud and having an absolute potty mouth, growly noises (cause yknow angry B/akubrat), forced false starts (if thats a thing), B/akugou being winded/out of breath on a few occassions, cameo from T/odoroki and D/eku at the end, shirt being used as a tissue/noseblowing into shirt.

CHARACTERS DEPICTED ARE IN PRO HERO AU AND ARE 25+!

K/atsuki wakes up tied to a support beam in a structurally unsound building seemingly underground. When he realizes his captor is a well known thief he's been chasing for weeks, he's completely seeing red. Will he be able to tough it out against her strange test of endurance or crack under the pressure with a weakness he didn't even know he had?

Holy fuck guys...this shit is the length of a full on anime episode and idk whether to be proud of myself or ashamed like...idk what to think. All I know is that a LOT of anons wanted this wav and well...here it is lol. It took like 3 - 4 weeks of repeat sessions of JUST sneezing and also holdback training if you will. Most of them were seperate but 90% of the holdbacks in this are 100% real so enjoy my genuine battle against fresh vials of Chinknii xux;

I'm also sort of on the fence with this one, cause it's been a hot minute since I've done a B/akugou wav and I pretty much forgot how to sneeze like him, and I rerecorded certain sneezes but without much improvement so sorry about that u.u Hopefully they get better as I do a few more wavs with him coming up.

SO! Um...hopefully this does some numbers cause I have to be up early and I stayed up to finish this and um...yeah! Im gonna go pass out now-

102 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

#2

CW: Nose blowing, wet sneezes, sniffling, buildups/hitching breaths, somewhat horny Bakubrat, very teasing and dominant/demanding! Listener is in a servant position so there’s that if you’re into domestic servitude lmao

After a long day away from the palace, B/akugou returns from an outing drenched in freezing rain, and sneezing almost uncontrollably. He claims he’s fine...typical B/akugou. But once Y/N pesters him enough, he admits that he may have caught himself an awful illness by the name of Dragon Fever. With human blood running through their veins, Y/N is immune to this disease, so it’s up to them to nurse the suddenly teasing and feverish king back to health...

AS YOU CAN SEE, this file was too big and too horni for tumblr so I had to use soundcloud instead. A lot of people have been waiting for this, so I really REALLY hope it came out OK. You guys know Im too hard on myself these days like, ugh. The self loathing is so real...

But, it’s here. And I’ll probably take some time to write scripts and maaaaybe write a short fic? I dunno yet, Im really tired, lol Enjoy!

Minors DNI. Non-Kink blogs DO NOT REBLOG! Love you guys!

103 notes - Posted February 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

A shy, nerdy type of guy you've been friends with for so long that you've decided to tell about your kink. He thinks nothing of it, even reassures you that it's natural and it's not weird at all! He even totally forgets it...even as he's struggling with his usual hayfever.

You can't help but squirm as he's humiliating himself by struggling to fish out his used tissues to wipe his streaming nose, holding back his sneezes with messy half stifles into his hands. He looks down at the shiny mess in his palms as he hides himself from you, flushed red in the face. That's when he remembers.

"W-wait...y-you...l-like this sort of thing...don't you?"

133 notes - Posted March 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[traceofexistence]

I saw your posts and I can’t help but give some perspective lol

I’m a european who doesn’t like eurovision I have only watched ONE full episode in my long life, and I have liked about 3-4 songs LOL

but it’s a big thing in europe so no matter what you hear about it.

first rule of all:  DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

second rule: IT DOESNT MATTER IF THE SONG IS GOOD

with these out of the way, you are correct that it is political

and it’s not just the jury believe it or not, when at one time they let only people to vote, with was even more political than that, and they returned the jury because of it.

you know italy? well because they used to have one of the biggest music industries in europe after the UK they got mad at some point and for not winning and they didnt take part for decades. until recently

when russia invaded ukraine back in 2014 even though they send TATU (a world known group) they got very few if not zero points.

when the UK took part in the Iraq war, they got ZERO points which was very funny.

what wins for sure and is not based on politics is the gay shit

the only eurovision I watched dont remember the years it was in the 90s

Dana International won, the first trans woman to ever participate, the song was bomb but her vocals not the best still won

Conchita, the drug queen with a bond like song won, precisely because of the backlash from conservative countries, and they said at the end “we are unstoppable” 

Lordi the monsters from Finland won not because of the gay, but because they were so damn different and everyone wondered how the band looked outside of costume. their song as a banger too. considering that the official music video is about a queer coded girl getting bullied and the “demons” help her raise a zombie army LOL also kinda gay

the sad lesbian from Serbia won for being a sad lesbian in a conservative nation and being very brave. 

in the early 00s songs with a more ethnic identity but with english lyrics started to won:

Ruslana from Ukraine was literally XENA the warrior princess, she won

Sertab from Turkey had the right amounts of western and eastern elements to captivate. 

my country won by doing the exact same thing (we only won once lol)

these are the few cases I know, because there was so much talk about it. 

it is a mix of “extravagant, gay, poor meow meow protek, we love you because you suffer right now, ohhh that’s my bestie Douze Points!“

so my point is that it will always be like this has always been like this, and there is no reason to get upset about it. enjoy the show and and sing along lol

also most countries send clownery songs because they dont want to win, and get to host the competition because it’s extremely expensive.

These countries hold grudges that are 70 plus year old.

Hell Even longer than that!

The fact a country that stays neutral most of time won Eurovision seven times should tell you something.

It is all Political when it comes to the Jury side of Eurovision.

Also some money under the table probably as well

[skrunksthatwunk]

yakuza 6 retrospective, spoilers ahead

ok this ain't conclusive but i wanna like. babble about daigo and found family a bit.

rgg has always heavily featured adoptive/found family dynamics. it's a reallllyy common thing for the series. kiryu is an orphan. big man literally starts an orphanage. the series begins with him losing his adoptive family to the criminal underworld and beginning a new one with haruka. the rest of his life is this cycle of violence and protection and failure and it's all real tragic for him. you know how it is. he's got that need to get involved to protect something or someone or some principle and along the way the people he loves get roped in and he always, always messes up just enough for people to die where they technically didn't have to. it's essential to the series that kiryu can't leave well enough alone, or at least that others can't for him. and because he's basically invincible, the main thing at stake for him and for us plot-wise is his emotional state. who will he lose, how much will he hate himself, what new drastic step will he take to cut himself, the tumor, from the bodies of those he cares about, etc.? he gets involved for family and is tortured by it. those adoptive relationships are essential to the games' narratives.

but throughout it all there's been a kind of tension, a hesitance to treat these adoptive families as equally legitimate to bio families. every time kiryu speaks about kazama or haruka speaks about kiryu, there's this kneecapping thing going on. it's always "i consider you to be sorta exactly like a father to me emotionally and whatnot even though we're not "real" family or whatever" rather than "you are my dad". even (to my memory, so if i get this wrong it'll be REAL embarrassing) haruka and kiryu, whose father-daughter relationship is vital to his entire saga (particularly yk and y6 as their bookends) don't declare themselves literal family. it's always "he raised me like his own daughter" or "i viewed you as my daughter". (and even if it is said explicitly somewhere, the kneecapping never goes away).

and clearly the series does see these bonds as incredibly emotionally important, or it wouldn't keep centering them. even other relationships feature this, like saejima and yasuko's devoted step-sibling bond or the hirose family's relationship to their patriarch or the y3 patriarch guy and his adoptive daughter. i don't think a series that saw blood relationships as inherently superior would show these, consistently, as the most precious ones to our heroes. blood is not disregarded (see yuta and haruto, sayama and ryuji, and tachibana and makoto as examples), but found/adoptive families are more commonly positive (in the main plot) and are, i think, considered just as if not more important by the narrative.

so, why the kneecapping? i think it's a social thing. plenty of (and probably most) cultures see blood dynamics as more important than other/chosen families, or even just regular friends. more than that, it's a very vulnerable thing to admit to someone that you view them as family, let alone declare that relationship as official. what if they don't feel the same? what if they want things to stay as-is? that hesitance is, to me, one on the part of the characters rather than the games, though i think that's more of a toss up than I'm portraying it as.

and here's where daigo comes in as the last of these declarations in the saga. daigo is kiryu's son. at the end of y6 kiryu writes that he, without any right to, views daigo as his son. he says he's failed him, but that he has one more request: don't avenge him like a son would a father, because his life's not worth that. when daigo declares the order, he says it was his father's last request not to attack the yomei alliance. he doesn't say kiryu was a father figure or anything or that he felt the same way, but that he IS/WAS his father, and a good man.

he claims that relationship for himself, regardless of whether or not kiryu thinks he's worthy of it.

now, perhaps it's easier for daigo to say this because

1. kiryu's "dead", and therefore can't reject him

2. kiryu already said he felt that way, so in some ways, daigo was more grabbing a hand already offered than reaching out himself.

but i still think this declaration is really important for the series. daigo deems him worthy while still respecting his final wish, in essence forgiving kiryu for his mistakes.

throughout y6 there's been an emphasis the scene itself draws attention to on parent-child, and especially father-son, relationships, and how the parents failed their kids and the kids hurt them back and all that mess. it's about the child's willingness to forgive what the parent can't, something seen in kazama and kiryu, in haruka and kiryu, and in the hirose family. kiryu chooses to finally cut his family off completely because he could never forgive himself for their deaths, regardless of how often they would (and did) forgive him for endangering them. it's the end of his series-long struggle to choose between protecting large numbers of strangers and protecting his little family. by then he's made so many enemies in these escapades that he can't protect them; he messed up too badly to be around them safely now, even if he never set foot in kamurocho again. it was too late. and daigo, having been presented with his flawed found father's feelings on the matter, forgives him like a child (by y6's standards) would, puts his foot down and determines the nature of the relationship himself. he states it as fact, like a patriarch would. kiryu is daigo's father.

i honestly think some of kiryu's inability to leave the tojo alone (in the instances where it is his choice) makes much more sense with the daigo relationship in mind. he was torn between two of his children. on one hand, he had a defenseless girl with no one in the world but him. on the other, he had an adult surrounded by guards and who could, frankly, kick moderate amounts of ass. faced with the need to choose (the inability to split his attention without bloodshed demonstrated time and time again), he tried to choose haruka every time. daigo probably gets it, too. but, though he course-corrected and helped daigo at various key points, he still left the main protection and guidance to others, namely majima. he really wasn't there for him consistently. he was, if any kind of father, a neglectful one.

but daigo says he's his dad. like it's unquestionable.

now, whether or not it's noble or beautiful to accept neglectful parents is not really something i want to focus on much, though I'll outline my thoughts briefly. most people aren't in kiryu's position, and daigo and kiryu likely formed this relationship in adulthood (though they did interact when daigo was young, i think kiryu really assumed the father role later, during/after yk2), which is itself not typical for these relationships (or, rather, kiryu neglected him as an adult rather than as a child, so the effects are inherently going to be different and, i believe, less severe than if a caretaker neglected a child as a child). cases of emotional neglect are even more complicated because they're often unintentional, and kiryu's lack of direct responsibility for him further complicates things. and, really, if choosing a relationship with someone who's "undeserving" is valid by this narrative's standards, i think it could also mean it is equally valid to choose a lack of relationship to people, to tell the people who raised you "you are not my parents" if it is better/true for you. when it comes to forgiving lackluster parents, my view is that the individual's choice is what matters most, rather than what they choose specifically. in this case, daigo sees kiryu's regret and acknowledgement of his failures and forgives him, thinks him a good man. is this too lenient? perhaps. i find it endearing because i love kiryu, but the broader implications could be weird. idk.

my point is that daigo, and by extension, y6, believes that, regardless of if anyone's "worth it", and regardless of if they're related to you, if that relationship means something to you, it's yours to describe as you wish. your family is what your feelings make it, and adoptive families don't have to be an approximate of those family roles. they don't have to merely resemble family; they can be family. kiryu may have seen kazama as his father regardless of his crimes, but daigo says kiryu's his father regardless, and in doing so, makes official and defined the feelings they share, even if kiryu's not around to call him his son.

so, let me say it again: daigo is kiryu's son, kiryu is daigo's father, and those words from both are all that matter in proving it so.

[chongoblog]

Zero Time Dilemma Review/Ramble

Okay, so if you’ve been following me, you know that I’ve gotten into the Zero Escape series, famous for 999 and Virtue’s Last Reward, streaming both games. I recently took the time to experience the last game, Zero Time Dilemma by watching cutscenes rather than playing it proper mostly because A) I heard it was REALLY dark and didnt want to risk it on Twitch and B) I wanted to experience it more freely like while I’m at work.

After experiencing it. I have......feelings about it. And because there’s MASSIVE spoilers involved, I’m making it its own post under the ReadMore below.

tl;dr LOADS of bullshit, flawed execution, and stupid decisions, but still REALLY enjoyed it

Okay so a LOT of this is going to be complaining, and like I said in the tl;dr I still legit enjoyed this game, so I’m gonna make this a compliment sandwich by saying something nice now, loading up on complaints, then ending with more compliments. Carlos is good. So is Sean. Sigma being voiced by Matthew Mercer actually makes him more interesting imo. I REALLY like Phi’s new design and the way they build on the initial concepts brought up in VLR more accurately portray the ideas that started all the way back in 999, that being the idea of taking thoughts across timelines, just like the player. From the beginning, the theme/gimmick was always “what if your character remembered information when you savescummed?” In 999 that began as flashes of information, and in VLR the characters’ consciousness actually time traveled at the very end. ZTD now uses the idea of the consciousness traveling across time and space and RUNS with it. I also think that Delta has a cool design.

I’ll be nice again later, but now for the things I Did Not Like.

Emo Moody Junpei makes sense from a writing standpoint, but that doesn’t mean I have to like him. Maybe I just got spoiled since Evan Wilson did a spectacular job with his deliveries in 999 and in ZTD it seems like his soul got sucked out. Not the fault of the delivery as much as it is the writing. Eric is bad, and I feel like that statement isn’t controversial. I don’t think anyone likes Eric, and if you do, then sorry for shitting on him so much, but god I just don’t like him. And the abusive childhood thing doesn’t give me a drop of sympathy, but then again I’ve always hated the writing trick that “this person is shitty and pathetic but it’s because abuse!” (see also Mikan). Diane is boring (sorry).

But I fuuuuuckin HATE Mira. I hate Mira so much. Like, at first I thought she’d be alright, yeah she’s definitely The Boob Character™, but I liked Lotus well enough and Alice grew on me significantly, so I don’t see why Mira won’t. Then she’s like “surprise I’m a serial killer”. Now if they just made her a serial killer, it would be kinda boring so I’m glad they TRIED something new. I just think the result was bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Like....”hmm I never felt any emotions so when my mom told me they were kept in hearts I just ripped em out of people :)” is some garbage I’d write in middle school when I felt especially edgy. Also yeah seems p ableist. I won’t go too deeper into Mira, since she’s a sociopath and I don’t know enough about the actual disorder to put a candle to the real thing, but....bleh.

I won’t touch on THIS aspect for too long because I’m aware that it had barely any budget and it wouldn’t have happened without a kickstarter (don’t know the details), but the animation is just....so stiff. It really takes away from the dramatic impact some scenes are meant to have. But even IF the animation wasn’t stiff, I still am not a big fan of the darker and moodier direction it went. Although that’s moreso down to personal preference. Final note about the presentation (which is by far the game’s weakest aspect) is that I noticed multiple points in the sound mixing got to nearly Sonic Adventure 2 levels of being unable to understand what people were saying.

Alright. Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Let’s talk about Delta. This is going to make up a MAJORITY of this post so strap in.

Delta is a meme. There’s no other way to say it briefly. He’s just such a huge fucking meme. Almost everything about him, from his plan to his “complex” motives to his backstory to his powers. I mentioned liking his design, but fuck it. That’s a meme now too. Delta is the stupidest part of the game, and as much as I kind of love it, I also need to complain about it.

First let’s talk about Delta’s plan (because it starts with the nicest part of this segment). His motives are “complex” which is actually greek for “he’s probably either a liar, an idiot, or both”. I said there was nice things, so I’ll start with those. The very ending’s “ah ah ah. I never killed any of you in this timeline. If you arrested someone for crimes of another history, there would be criminals everywhere” was something I actually legitimately enjoyed. Yeah, intent was still there and he’s still a bastard (plus there was kidnapping and non-consensual drugging involved so kind of a stupid take), but I still thought it was a fun attempt. And also the “I had to make sure I was born” thing is a mindfuck, and I love those. Basically the first retort is “well I’m alive, right? So I don’t need to make sure I was born with powers because I WAS born with powers, which means it happened in another universe. So I don’t have to.” Only to then realize that we’re just in the universe where he DID do that but then the only justification is “someone had to” right? Wrong. Let’s talk about the rest of his “complex” motives

So I give a pass to “I had to make sure I was born”, but now we see why he had to do this whole deal and what he declares at the end of the game. That there’s some religious fanatic who intends to blow up the world and completely end humanity. And he released Radical-6 in the VLR timeline hoping that it would kill the terroris only killing 4 billion people instead of 6 billion people. In the timeline at the end of ZTD, he says that they had used this experience to hone the skills of the Shifters that way they could use their newly honed take down the religious fanatic WITHOUT Radical-6 and save the world.

What?

Now......before I tear into this.....I have ONE nice thing to say. The “unleash radical 6 and kill 4 billion vs let a terrorist end humanity” gambit IS cleverly foreshadowed with the radical 6 decision game with Q Team. But also wouldn’t that have made, like 1800 times more narrative sense to give that decision game to team D who KNOWS the impact of radical 6, or team C who he explains this plan to later on? Damn, even my nice thing was backhanded. Alright let’s REALLY tear into it.

FIRST of all, this is the exact same plot of Virtue’s Last Reward. Only difference is that somehow Akane and Junpei are just as skilled at this technique as Sigma and Phi despite the latter going to do Moon Training (granted the moon training was also to give them enough of a jump to go back 45 years). Speaking of Virtue’s Last Reward, this game also reveals that Delta is Brother, the leader of Free the Soul. A group of religious fanatics. So I wouldn’t be especially shocked if the religious fanatic is working with Free the Soul. But for the sake of this argument, let’s just say they aren’t with FtS. How in the Flavor-Blasted FUCK does he know this? Did somebody Shift back from that timeline and then just get Mind hacked (and we’ll fUCKING talk about Mind Hacking dont you worry)? How would that be the only piece of information known about the end of the god damn world? And if there IS more, then why the fuck wouldn’t you tell them the information? How does he know that it’s inevitable when apparently a god damn snail can unleash Radical-6?

I call bullshit on the “religious fanatic” thing. Wanna know why? Because at this point, Delta had already founded Free The Soul. He started this shit in 1938. At this point in time, he and the rest of the Free the Soul had already kidnapped Alice’s dad to create clones of his dead brother. He was pushing for a new world order and then in the VLR timeline, tried to PREVENT this whole thing from happening by sending Dio to the Moon. So if he actually gave a shit about “honing their abilities” then why would he do everything in his power to stop it? There is ONE out that there can be, but it’s something not even HINTED at (and I’ll talk about this later), but I think that "religious fanatic” is a big ol’ lie that he made up to try and save face when he was faced with a consequence, but even that explanation makes no sense since he’s like “lol shoot me if u wanna I wont mind hack you”

And let’s talk about mind hacking. Let’s fucking talk about Mind Hacking. Adding Mind Hacking was stupid, completely pointless, out of left field, and actively makes Delta a worse character. For those that don’t know, Mind Hacking is an ability that only Delta has (and I guess the player character technically but that’s a whole meta thing from VLR that doesn’t get followed up on) where you can read people’s minds and also fuckin control them. Why? Why was this necessary, ZTD? You wanna know what I thought was really neat? When I saw that different timelines produced different X-Codes. I thought “oh shit, I know this is Game Stuff, but the sheer foresight of the villain to do that? That’s some Moriarty shit.” It would require some insane explanations, but we’ve had enough sci-fi that we could imagine with enough advanced tech, you could set up systems that could use conditionals to give certain responses based on certain outcomes. Like if someone dies after the decontamination room button is pressed, then the central computer outputs a different X-Code than if it’s after the initial vote. Just make up a new tech that accounts for Shifting (plus the QUANTUM COMPUTER you have RIGHT THERE) and you could make a villain with so much calculated foresight that he’s just a god damn genius. But no. Mind hacking. None of that interesting stuff, just “lol I read ur mind idiot”. No outwitting anyone, just “lol get mindhacked eric u scrub bang bang”.

Honest to god, honest to FUCKING god, do you want to know how cool the final cutscene would have made Delta look if he walked out and just KNEW what happened in another timeline because of his plans. Like everyone recognizes him as Delta and he just goes “ohoho I see you had a fun time in my other timeline” using that deduction alone. But nah, he’s just like “yo I just mindhacked y’all, nice experience y’all had” I hate mind hacking so much. There’s no part of his plan where he NEEDED to mind hack in order to succeed that could have been written without mind hacking.

Now there’s a bit of a missed opportunity here that could both make mind hacking relevant, made his motive not shit, and also maybe even developed him into a SUPER interesting character! I know this is a bit fanfic-y, but hear me out. Make Delta a VICTIM of the stable time loop/bootstrap paradox. For those who don’t know, the bootstrap paradox is when time travel makes certain events happen seemingly out of thin air since they are their own cause. Basically it’s this clip from Milo Murphy. This is something that seems like it’s KINDA there in the subtext, but if they actually dove into it, they could have a GOLD mine.

What if we keep the mindhacking, and before he even MAKES Free the Soul, he mindhacks someone who experienced the events of the “religious fanatic”. But not just anyone. An experienced SHIFTer who made it their goal to stop this religious fanatic. After hundreds of attempts, they still fail. Delta sees this and determines it to be inevitable. So he’s having fun, cursed by the knowledge of an inevitable apocalypse. Then he meets Akane, Phi, Sigma, or Junpei after they had undergone the events of VLR and ZTD. He learns that particular timeline. A bleak future, yes, but one single future where humanity is alive. He sees two futures, one in which all of humanity dies, and one where he is the leader of a religious cult that wipes out 4 Billion People with a deadly pandemic. And the idea of being that person disgusts him. He despises it. But he’s completely resigned to fate. He knows that things must go precisely as he’s seen at the price of humanity, too frightened by such a burden to even take a toe off of the predetermined pathway. His motive is that he’s so tightly bound to fate and so afraid to let it slip that he has no choice but to commit the atrocities, despising himself for it every step of the way, but considering it better than the inevitable alternative. It would give a purpose for the mindhacking powers, it would give him a solid motive, and it would make the ending SO much stronger, showing the contrast between a group of SHIFTers confident that they can change fate and the man who is completely resigned to his own. Fuck, I might steal this character concept because I REALLY think this idea would work to make an interesting villain!

Like I mentioned, this is KINDA there in subtext (with him quite frequently saying “life truly is unfair”) and this could be an interpretation of the character, but if ZTD had explored that theme, then holy hell what an interesting character Delta would be.

But even WITH this fix, holy hell, this plan is stupid. Because guess what, dingus. You just created like 30 new timelines that all end in annihilation.

He coulda said ONE line about “even if there is only one history that ends nicely, that is solace enough”, that might have been dark, but still powerful. You know, add some depth. But instead, he’s just like “hmm hmm shoot me”

And the Q Twist? I’m honestly not as mad at it as I should be. On one hand, it does that cute thing where there are little bits of foreshadowing so when you rewatch it, you notice little bits like shadows and stuff, but on the other hand, there are PLENTY of points where either the camera just straight up lies to you and doesn’t show him when he should be there or Delta’s just been fuckin SHMOOVIN on his wheelchair around the room constantly to stay out of the camera and everyone’s just been kinda chill with it. Maybe if they had been more careful with the camera it could have delivered a TOUCH better. Like, even if the shots are a bit off, that’s noticeable enough to be part of the hint, no? I don’t have as much to say about this, mostly because this post is getting long as fuck so I’m gonna wrap it up so I can move on with my life for a bit.

So even with ALL OF THAT, I still enjoyed playing the game. That’s right, compliment sandwich time. The three wards all being one ward was a really neat reveal. The fact that you can shoot Delta in one scene is creative with its replay value. I’m glad they touched on the philosophical idea of what happens to the people who made it out from the coin flip only to get SHIFTed into the exploding lab, and exploring that idea was fun. I absolutely lost my mind at the idea of the gun to sigmas head had a random chance of firing and then seeing it elaborated on in the dice scene directly after it. Gab is a good boy.

Cant wait to play AI

[kanmom51]

This gonna be long lol but i have to disagree about your opinion that Jungkook's behaviour towards Jimin changed in late 2014. I was already a fan at the time (NMD army + Jimin biased) and i can confidently say he didnt change his ways until around late 2015 and he only did so after Jimin started to act different towards him and the camera. I can sense the change in Jimin's behaviour during INY era because he started to be more reserved and would shy away from the camera unlike how he used to be. Maybe he had other problems he was dealing with but the change was SUPER directed at Jungkook too. He started ignoring Jungkook and not responding to him when he spoke etc. In mid 2014 Jungkook was still comfortable with insulting Jimin's looks and saying he can't dance (for reference watch 2014 kkul fm, yes, i know ridiculous). And bangtan still made "Jungkook hates Jimin" jokes in mid 2015, like if you see this music show backstage clip they had around Dope era the other members asked Jungkook if he truthfully hates Jimin and he didn't say no so Jimin got mad. The same question was brought up during their vlive in Thailand around august or sept 2015 i cant remember the exact date but that's the first time he actually denied and he look kinda offended that half of the members actually voted yes. And Jimin was super happy he said no. I wasnt a shipper at the start i actually hated jikook and their shippers because as a Jimin biased i dont see why anyone would wanna ship Jimin with someone who hated him but i did secretly came on tumblr to check the jikook tag and back then a new post gonna pop our every 3-4 days bc theres literally zero moments. Twitter jikookers basically didnt exist back then. Taekookers had a free reign on twitter and all they did was insulted Jimin for being "desperate" and made fun of him bc "Jungkook hates him". Jungkook was nice in 2016 onwards but they never got super obvious until around 2017-2018. Especially after tokyo. Crazy times lol. I cant help but ship them after seeing how close they have become despite being the ship's biggest antis at first.

Each to their own anon.

You may not see what I see, and that's ok.

I have tackled everything you write about in past posts and asks. In my eyes there is a clear shift in JK's behaviour towards JM from the end of 2014 into 2015. By the end of 2015, as far as I see it, they were already in a relationship of sorts. If you check out my timeline and the content pointed out there, all while keeping an open mind, you might start to see things differently. In 2016 they were well into the relationship.

BV1 2016 as one example. You can see the shift in dynamics between them. How much more obvious do you have to be than playing footsies with another's privates?

I will also remind you that both Osaka and Tokyo lives were in 2016, JK's coming of age dance and 'Own it'.

My masterlist.

[a-moment-an-eternity]

Yashahime season 2 episode 3 ( ep 27) thoughts and opinions:

( note: I skipped my thoughts on ep 2. Because to be honest I didn't have alot. So. in summary I'd give it a 4/10. I didn't totally hate it, or totally love it. it was just plain old fine filler lol I did like that Setsuna and Moroha went without Towa. But that's just kuz I don't care for Towa 🤣)

Anyway ...🤗

Summery:

Rating : 7/10

I actually really enjoyed this episode! There was alot to like and just a few points I wanna make with dislikes or some I guess..."hot takes" in this fandom lol! But yeah I'm excited to see where we go from here🥳

Dislikes:

Jakens random saying of Rins age. It felt forced and just there for show. Really It just seemed oddly placed, and unnatural timing...

(opinion on the age since I'm sure it'll come up later on: Her being 18 also doesn't line up with the lore they laid out from season 1 if I remember correctly. (I also dont have a very specific memory of the timeline. But I'm pretty sure it's all wacko now haha. I am glad they atleast are making her of age, it still doesn't help the icky factor imo though. It's better than what it was. I don't like it, But whatever, I'll try too look past it...kuz these aren't real people lol )

I'm not the biggest fan of Riku being Essentially a walking window for Kirinmaru , but maybe they can do something with that and I'll change my mind.

I dont like that the pearls were basically scattered for NO REASON at all because Zero already has them all.

How can Jaken literally try to give over the twins as infants and still be liked lol

What I liked!:

The pacing was great. This episode felt jam packed with information but didn't feel like it flew by or dragged on. We saw alot, did alot and moved the plot along significantly, all while not leaving the feeling of being jolted.

As I stated I'm not the biggest fan of the pairing, however, I thought the Rin flashback was actually really good. Emotional and informational. I hated jaken here for obvious reasons (at least he was in character lol) but otherwise it was enjoyable. To be clear I'm saying that despite my distaste , if I take that out of the equation and imagine Rin as any other character, the writing and acting here was good. I felt like Sesshomaru was in character and Zero was as menacing as she needed to be. It was emotionally moving to see how Rin ended up in the tree and how she, as the twins mother cared for them. Regardless of how I feel about the pairing.

Moroha was funny as hell amd I loved seeing her shine here.

Setsuna needing to practice with her naginata is great. No major power boosts yet haha!

Hearing Towa be mentioned as "someone who needs protected" was kinda nice tbh. Because she's often played up as a the strongest of the 3 girls. So it was a nice change of pace.

The animation was great! Very few instances did I feel were lesser.

Set up for next week was phenomenal! It made me extra excited to see where this is all going!

Final Thoughts:

As I stated above I give this episode an 8/10. It's probably one of my favorites of the series as a whole. I've been worried about getting this lore for awhile and how I'd feel about it. I wasn't totally thrilled but it went...better...then expected lol! I still enjoy and want to keep enjoying the series which is good lol 😆

(Side note /theory note: I was kinda holding out hope that different timelines were at play here... That perhaps The twins were actually much younger than Moroha and just thrown into a timeline where they were the same age haha. )

But this episodes quality, acting and pacing really was some of the best I've seen in the show so far and I can't help but admit it. There was alot to like!

See you next week! I'm super excited for it🤗

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

'requiem for a dream' discussion XD

update 1: finished requiem for a dream

update 2: depressed as fuck.

update 3: why did no one stop me from being a naive piece of shit and having even an ounce of hope for the characters XD.

update 4: these are not updates anymore. i am genuinely sitting and thinking about why i expected it to end happier.

for real tho, i really liked the book. i wouldnt say it's in among my favourites but i wont be forgetting about it for a while. the way all these characters, think of drugs as something that will HELP them reach their dreams, their goals is drenching me in so much sadness that i cannot process being in that state. at first i was rooting so hard for harry and marion and then halfway through im like- well yall are FUCKED up now so no italy, no coffee shops and no paintings. and then i questioned whether their dream to be on the come up was just something they could find an excuse for getting drugs. but then i was like hm harry and tyrone do everything by themselves so if that was the reason why would harry still be with marion if she played no actual role in helping them get drugs. and then i thought maybe its an excuse to THINK theyre going to get off them, their dreams were built on the hope that buying drugs would give them enough money to fulfill those very dreams. the denial to the addiction was INSANE tho, like inSANE.

i feel the worst for sara. absolutely destroyed by the progression of her character and i say not only because she ended up in such a terrible place, but also because as someone who's had a terrible relationship with food and body image, watching her cling on to her physical appearance and thinking that all her loneliness would be gone by going onthat show LOOKING a certain way, just made me say 'dont do it please dont please please'. her narration with the repetion of zophtic and thin and the refridgerators talkign was horrifying im just so so so sad she did NOT deserve any of this. its funny how tyrone was disgusted by the man in the jail. and then went on to be without alice and thinking the exact same way the man did about women and relationships. im sorry for ranting i just have a lot of thoughts about this book and its totally fine if u dont reply. also if im not wrong was a-dick-ted inspired from this? i think i remember u saying something along those lines but im not too sure if i got it right. brb gonna reread that series lol

side note: im gonna watch the movie with my crush im terrified and excited at the same time its AWESOME

um, the movie is very accurate to the book, unsure if you want to watch it with your crush LMAO the movie spares absolutely zero expense in how graphic it is and how incredibly messed up the entire situation is

and the ending is exactly like the book

EXACTLY

yeah

your crush might never look at you the same way again lol

'Requiem for A Dream' is about the fruitlessness of the American dream and how that concept can ultimately destroy you. It uses drug addiction to parallel this fixation. All of the characters are trying to "make it". The American dream is a concept that doesn't pertain only to America; it is the idea that anyone can attain their own version of success, regardless of their background, and that upward mobility is possible for everyone. America sells itself as the "land of opportunity", so it is as much a marketing scheme as it is a valid hope. Many countries outside of America still view America as the land of opportunity (and then you live here and, well... XD).

In theory, this is not a terrible mindset to have. Who doesn't want their own version of success? The problem lies in the word itself - success - and how people equate it to money, fame, fortune, and then take it to excess - a little is not enough, once you have a taste of success, you need more, more, more.

See the parallels to drug addiction? XD

Originally, the 'a-dick-ted' au was not inspired by this. It wasn't even supposed to be a series at all LOL It was just a one-shot ft Yoongi fucking you next to a sleeping JK (oop). But then I wrote 'dreaming in reality' and an idea began to form. 'Requiem for a Dream' has influenced a lot of my writing (can't tell you how many essays I've written on this book, it's so easy from both a film and character development perspective); it was only a matter of time before it touched something on here lol

In the 'a-dick-ted' au, I used the concept of love. The reader is fixated on the idea that love does not exist. Yoongi's character is fixated on the idea that he is too mentally broken to be loved. Jungkook's character is fixated on the idea of a "perfect love". All three use sex to cope in one way or another. When they have sex, they are "dreaming", in a delusion where their own self-imposed rules don't apply. When they stop, they are looking for their next fix. However, the reader and Yoongi would be too passive to push their emotions to the extreme, which is why the introduction of Jungkook escalates everything. There's a purity in Jungkook's indecency (lol), almost ironic that he is the most honest of all three. He is the foil that pushes them to their dreams. The line becomes blurred; maybe, after all, reader and Yoongi do feel love and it's not as unattainable as they thought? And maybe Jungkook's perfect love is as imperfect as they come in this strange harmonious triangle of confusion?

lol

'Requiem for a Dream' basically influenced the idea that one can be consumed by an idea to the point of unhealthiness and being blinded by your own dreams - or nightmares, depending on how you look at it. If you reread the 'a-dick-ted' au, you will start to see the connecting themes, use of language, changes in word choice by the characters over time, etc.

There's a lot of intention behind every line, every word, words spoken / unspoken, even the stories that just seem like PWP XD I'm well aware it flies over the heads of most, but occasionally someone chooses to read 'Requiem for a Dream' and pop into my inbox to talk about it. I love that book :D

hey

it got me through a lot of essays for many classes, from psychology to film to literature LOL

[ourravenboys]

rating east asian ya book characters written by white authors

some disclaimers!!! 1) im half chinese 2) this is in no way the cold hard facts or anything this is just my opinion + the things ive seen/heard other people say so feel free to (nicely) tell me your thoughts on it!! especially other asian people :) 3) im not saying you have to suddenly hate the books these characters are from. in fact, i like most of these books! im just saying its important to be critical of the things you like. also this is a joke post. ok enjoy lmao

frank (heroes of olympus): 5/10

he really should be ranked lower but...i like his character so

was part of the 7 but uhhhh zero character development

also why did r*ck have to make him suddenly “hot” there’s already a stupid stereotype that asian men arent attractive unless theyre ripped as hell 

was called a “baby man” and “panda” several times um,,,

was put in a relationship w/ a girl much younger than him ://

henry (the raven cycle): 4/10

first off? hes kinda iconic as a character i love him

however

blatantly the token diversity character

his race is mentioned so so many times like skjdfhkds we gET IT PLS

dealt with internalized racism (which is not inherently bad HOWEVER he is one of the only poc in the entire series and...)

that was only “solved” by a white (i am a fan of blue as a poc but lets be real mst*ef wrote her as white) girl telling him to love himself

ALSO ronan and adam were racist towards him so,,kinda hated that !!

park (eleanor and park): 0/10

i did not like this book lol

so! lots to unpack here

park is half korean half white and......he hates himself !!! surprise surprise

(also park is a korean last name,,,,not a first name)

he wishes he was more like his brother because he’s white passing, he’s embarrassed of his moms accent, he tries to make his eyes look bigger? using eyeliner i think??? 

everyone is casually racist towards him!! all the time!! like even eleanor!!

his internalized racism is ALSO “solved” by a white girl telling him to love himself

theres so so much more...

(also dont support the movie when it comes out pls)

minho (the maze runner): 8/10

i remember like nothing from this book

he seemed pretty good? i liked his character i think he was one of my favs

also ki hong lee !! loml

idk no real complaints from me here 

riko (all for the game): 1/10

he was um the main villain and did terrible things to everyone

like terrible things

kinda rubbed me the wrong way that like other than nicky he was the only main canon poc

also like....the entire mafia were japanese except the two people who fled from it (kevin and neil).....?

also sjdfkghdfgsjk apparently nora is like a japanophile?? so i hate that a lot

i hate him </3

cinder (the lunar chronicles): 9/10

im gonna be real honest i dont think i realized she was supposed to be asian when i read it lol

also i remember nothing from this series

but i liked the first book pretty well

also someone told me i looked how they imagined her so thats cool

no real complaints from me here 

ok the end thanks for reading 

[mayabishopapologist]

station 19 - season 4, etc

this is long but i want to put down my thoughts before thursday comes and i guess i have A Lot To Say.

honestly didn’t pay much attention to this show until halfway through season two—  always liked maya and was glad that they gave her more to do. going into season 3, i was excited for more character development &stronger storylines. however, by the end of  301 the dip in quality was glaringly obvious. a quick google search revealed that there was a new showrunner and, well, it showed. 

while the show had been going in a really good direction with balancing the screen time between andy and the other regulars, this season, the plot was all over the place. it was uber dramatic and just. so much happened just to happen? seemed like every other episode had a major event(deaths alone; ryan,rigo,pruitt?!!?). they were so frequent, it was hard to process. it was also hard to get invested as the characters themselves moved on(or were shown to have moved on, extremely quickly!) 

i enjoy the show for what it is and i have no delusions about broadcast tv shows (or shondaland productions, for that matter)but the suspension of disbelief.... i mean: a stabbing, a robbery, a shooting and a car crash? all in one episode? please! lmaooooo. drama for dramas sake is always boring and weakens the story.  

& as for the characters... .

everyone felt like a hollow version of themselves this season and it was hard to watch sometimes, actually. characters switched motivations /personalities for the sake of the current episode and i know this show is very ‘monster/emergency of the week’ but. some consistency! please! like—

maya: she’s always been determined and focused but they went so far with it this season, it was almost cartoonish. her competitiveness was hinted at in season 2 but she was always portrayed as self aware. ‘the beast,’ as she dubbed it to andy, was something she knew of and tried to contain, because she knew it could get out of hand. 

yet, in season 3 she suddenly forgets this and just. becomes the most power hungry/singularly focused person, ever. she goes after the captain position behind andy’s back, (citing andy’s emotional state, because of the death of her best friend as a reason she shouldn’t get the job?? huh. since when is maya this purely callous??!) she just doesn’t give af, suddenly, about andy at all, and goes for a job that she is hardly qualified for(she was lieutenant for like, a few months?)

and then after she gets the position, she just. loses all sense of reality? literally she was so unhinged(fun to watch but so much) and it was like. um?? maya has never been the uptight one (they've mentioned and depicted andy as being the one like this, multiple times!) and we know she knows how to have fun, so, for her to all of a sudden just. not know how to read the room? yeah okay. to make her so intense and severe, especially w the drills and training was, a choice. a bad one, on the writers part. like, i get that they needed her start as captain to be dramatic or whatever,  but there were ways to do that. and even the animosity with the team and her went so far, i just think that whole storyline was amazingly lazy, honestly.  

and the friendships!! andy and maya’s friendship is just, a mess. at this point they've spent more time at odds, and the idea that they're supposed to be best friends with this super close bond? yeah, i just... i dont buy it tbh. if they'd spent more time building up their connections and making us understand why they would be friends and showing them being there for each other past a few scattered scenes her and there? maybe. but so far, that hasn't been the case.  making that bond real, solidifying that friendship, would have made this conflict have more of an emotional impact. but doing it now? making maya ‘turn’ on andy, this soon and this drastically just. it made her seem like she was extremely jealous and had been waiting to pull the rug out from under andy all along. and also, why would they stay friends when, so far, maya has showed, time and time again, that she’s willing to let her wants/ambitions leech on her loyalty to andy? (jack thing, job thing, etc). although, it’s not like andy’s a good friend to maya either, she’s selfish and seems to like it when maya is in her corner but isnt always there for her. they went so far with the idea that maya was this coldly calculating asshole that she was almost a villain?? it was so silly to me.

and the traumatic home life plot they gave to maya was clearly their attempt at some adding nuance to her character and trying to explain why she would act the way she did, but to me? it fell flat. it was rushed, and they went from zero to 100(why did her mother come to talk about her divorce/abuse at maya’s job? like she was literally working? idgi. no boundaries lmaoo) 

and i actually relate and sympathize w maya a lot. and while i liked that they were exploring the many ways abuse can present itself, it was very... hm, ham-fisted. just super rushed and then wrapped up so quickly. they have, i think, written themselves into this dark place i fear they have no intention of exploring. 

and while i understand it, i hated how far they let maya go, especially because i don't feel they’ll adequately address it. they move on so quickly( maya was deaf for like half a season and then. she just. wasn't) and i hate the idea of her just being ‘fixed’. a relationship and an apology doesn't undo years of abuse, idc. also will they ever address maya’s um, thoughts about death??? because that was super heavy and not just something someone gets over? going to need for her to get actual professional help. that isn’t her girlfriend, like. asap. 

speaking of carina, i do like her and maya together a lot. big part of why i watch, ngl. but i need their relationship to be a lot more reciprocal. like, lets dial it back on the codependency, maybe. carina cant (and shouldn't have to) hold her up so much ! that’s not love. also maya needs to start being a good girlfriend. they started off that way, i know they can get back there. but like, we hardly got to see them settle into it, we got those cute 30sec clips of sweetness then maya was lashing out and cheating and it was like. wait a minute! what??? 

for s4, i want to see them working at reconciling—im talking, groveling, awkward in-between moments where carina isnt sure she can trust her. okay, tough conversations, hell, even jealousy because let's be real. maya working with jack is a lot for carina to just. take? i know i absolutely would not be happy about that, but i also wouldnt take maya back so... anyway! brushing over that would not just be a missed storytelling opportunity, but it would also be super unfair to carina and do a huge disservice to their relationship as a whole. as cute as they are, having cute moments with no real depth would get very old, very quickly.

carina: what can i say but-perfect, amazing, fantastic, WOW

seriously, carina is almost unrealistically perfect. she takes a lot and has been through the most (can they be nice 2 her this season? like just for fun) going forward, im going to need her to be more than a plot device to calm and soothe maya. i get that she was introduced as a love interest, but in season 4(as a season!!regular!!) that cant be all she is.

speaking of, it was really weird to me that she was promoted to station 19 and not greys because... what is a gynecologist going to do at a fire station? the general consensus seems to be that she’ll join warren’s PRT but like. she’s not a general surgeon so that’s a reach but, i want her around so ill buy it. i just want better and more for her tbh. not just screen-time, but also character development and depth! also friends! tired of carina being isolated, they did it on greys which. a waste! i meaaan, amelia was RIGHT. THERE. just look at the material! for s19, i want her, vic and travis to be friends or even just her and vic, like yesplease! i also want to know more about her and im tired of her being treated badly. like, i think society had progressed past carina being shitted on, thanks!

vic: my fave!!! they did so lazy by her this season ugh. she’s so charismatic and charming and just so good!! yet, her storyline was all over the place. we hardly got to see her sit with her grief  (spontaneous crying aside; barrett doss is so good!) she was just kind of... around. and that relationship w jackson. lol. it was so obviously for crossover potential and well. i didnt hate it or like it. actually, i was mostly indifferent. bored, even when they were onscreen together. i just didn't care and wanted more of vic, not vic and whoever. i know they're up in the air rn but i wouldn’t be torn up if he doesn’t come back. 

i want more for vic past just romantic entanglements. i know we’ve gotten a bit of her past, but i would like to see more! also, what about employment accomplishments? her artsy theatre friends? her family? just. more vic, please!!

she’s so fun and cool and when they let her, she shines. they need to let her! 

jack: my boy! so dumb, but i love him sm. he def needs like. major help, though lmao. and maybe it’s just me but im tired of his sex addict plot. like, we get it, but can we move on now? kthanks. they need to let him work on himself especially, the constant self sabotage. it's getting old. for ALL of them, actually, seriously, how many times can they all get in their own way.

andy: don’t really think about her. the mom storyline seems like it would be wonderfully dramatic, im intrigued. she and sullivan are cute, i guess. hope they make it.

ben: no major issues w his storyline, hardly remember it honestly. i liked the rapport he was building w vic and want them to explore that relationship more, its cute. 

travis: so funny and adorable, let him do more.

dean: loved him in all his entitled first born African son glory. i didnt so much love the baby plot but that always bores me. his sudden love for vic though. lol. since when? it def, came out of no where and while i really enjoy their friendship, to me, there is zero romantic chemistry there so i would prefer it if they just. stopped. lmao. also. the way he treated her because he could get a handle on his emotions? ridiculous. has humanity not like, gotten past the ‘he’s mean bc he likes you’ thing?? like grow up maybe?

and this isnt just about dean but like. are there not more single young people in seattle? why do they all have to sleep with the same 5 people. ik for the sake of plot, workplace relationships are easier but still. i think they should branch out. really. 

overall, i want better for all of them, and i think if the writers would just. take a moment and stop trying to tell so many stories in such little time, they could do better! also, whoever’s out there. please, enough w the crossovers! dont want to be forced to watch greys just to know what’s happening on 19. i get that they're in the same universe. it’s only mentioned every other episode. we. get, it. i liked what they did with private practice, it was like once every few seasons. and i know they won’t do that, but maybe, two a season. 

this is so much. but this how does have a ton of potential and i just really want it . like, get there.

[theropoda]

thinking about mirei...major spoilers for yakuza 5 and a bit of 4

mirei def has her flaws but when i see that people hate her (like specifically Her, not her writing, bc i agree w ppl who hate her writing) it really just strikes me as "fictional woman is Rude and gets called bitch but male characters worse than her dont get as much hate" syndrome lol

also tw for discussion of age gaps :/

i liked mirei a lot she rlly is gatekeep gaslight girlboss, she's cool. but she's also, scary in a way. i remember reading that someone described her convincing kiryu to let haruka become an idol under her agency as emotional manipulation and they're right...

you watch that scene and it honestly is clear she is using kiryu's fears against him, he doesn't want to do this but he's lead into thinking it's the best decision (it isnt!!!!!!!!!! imo).

and mirei's own motivation for this...haruka says that she thinks mirei wants her to succeed and become an idol with a japan dome debut because mirei wanted that but she didn't get it. im sure she also wants to see haruka shine but i bet those lost dreams of mirei play a rather big part in her motivations tbh

it's not like haruka's being forced to do this...haruka definitely wants this. to become a star and all. but the weight mirei has put on her makes me uncomfortable about it, idk how to explain it. i honestly think she's really hurt kiryu and haruka and i wish she lived long enough to be able to reflect on this. and for kiryu and haruka to realize that they've been hurt in the first place honestly.

mirei is a cool character, i like that she has her flaws, but what. is the purpose!!! of making her do that if you AREN'T going to make her realize what she's done and atone for it in some way. AND I WANT HER TO MEET MAJIMA AGAIN

AND SPEAKING OF THAT-- i honestly...have mixed feelings on her connections with majima. on one hand i like that in majima's past, which is riddled with so much crime and conflict there's This Part--him and mirei-- that is proof he had some...semblance of normalcy for a while. as crazy as his life has been, yeah, he was married like any other guy (but ofc you dig deeper and its not at all happy as it seems, or so it didnt end that way) so i like that they gave that to majima, it makes him feel more human in a way.

on the other hand, is their ages. this is the part i warned you about because uh

if my maths is right, that's an entire decade of age gap, 28 year old majima marrying 18 year old mirei. this is literally something that is deserving of being stoned to death imo LOL i cannot fucking wrap my head around the fact they just DID THIS AND DIDNT THINK ABOUT IT?

"ah but the events of yakuza zero, when majima was 24--" Cool. y0 didnt exist, in game form or THOUGHT form when yakuza 5 was made and up until this point all the lore we had on majima was "he was 21 when he was tortured by shibata and co" and thats IT.

why couldn't've majima been younger? 23, 24, with mirei being older? 21, 22??? i literally cannot wrap my head around either this, or the people who thought this and were like This is fine. it's Not!!!!!! Lol!!

the rest of their relationship bothers me a bit, too. i don't know why but it just does. as much as i do like the way that the factoid of majima being married makes you go "oh, shit, really? there was a time in his life where majima goro had an intimate relationship outside of the yakuza, outside of a life of crime and violence,when he had something...normal?", the way it makes him more human and reveals a softer side to him capable of love... the idea, and the rest of the story doesn't sit right with me at all. just can't explain why, but it simply does.

it....honestly MIGHT be the fact that i once read someone say "it feels like they gave majima a wife just to prove he's straight cause god did he look gay as hell in the past 4 games". MIGHT be. and whether or not this WAS rgg studio's intention. it feels like it but I Hope Not!!!!!!

[whatthefuuuuuuccckkkk]

okay this is my last post I know I'm being very annoying and I hate to clog the tag but I just have to scream into the void for a while if you disagree or you're annoyed with me please just scroll past this rant thank you

- the hitman plot. god. we all hate that shit. what I realllllly hate is how long and drawn out it is. should've been one episode tops, like when dean tried it. I want to say, that obviously it's not gonna work bcz it would be stupid to kill off the character carrying the entire show, but at this point maybe they are gonna kill him off??? idfk. maybe it's a punishment for all the people (everyone) who like him. truthfully the whole "murder is our only way out of this" attitude is disappointing and seemingly out of character for all of the girls. Boomer attacked annie and they let him fuckin live. They knew he was a fuckin rapist piece of shit, and a regular piece of shit too, but couldn't kill someone. But apparently killing someone beth, at one point, felt some typa way about...smh..apparently that is A ok and they don't even explore other options or feel the least bit guilty?? even when they "mourned" boomer it was more about marion than him. But rio and his whole ass innocent child are not a thought at all??? Wild. Truly. Also....what do they think will happen?? If I were a gang leader's right hand the first person I would check upon seeing my boss get murdered would probably be the person who tried to murder him last time lmao. Do they really think they would get away with it? Even if they didnt get caught, they wouldnt be off the hook. Surely mick would just keep things going, with even less leeway. And what happens when their illegal activities bite them in the ass when Rio is gone? Who are they gonna blame everything on? Who is gonna clean up their mess? No one. And this whole "I'm not doing it, wait yes I am, wait no I'm not, wait I'm gonna do it" thing the hitman is doing is...not it. I'm assuming were gonna get an explanation about how he knew that this was a crime of passion (lol)

-beth beth beth......you know there is a theory floating around that she has serious ptsd and I actually would love to see that explored but that shit ain't happening lol. I'm tired of feeling like I'm analyzing her character. At what point is it too much. She's hard to read but I think it has crossed the line over complex and ventured into poor characterization. She's gotten chances and chances and I'm tired. And dean. God I'm tired. I feel like all season I've been watching beth do the same thing, play good wifey, risk her (and Annie's and Ruby's) life by doing stupid shit..and that's basically it. Face some fckn consequences for your actions please. Take some responsibility. I feel like the show is showing us inklings of...something...bubbling underneath the surface but it's not our job to fill in the blanks or interpret shit. I do not work for nbc. I'm not getting paid for this. What is this girl thinking trying to get rio to invest in hot tubs (bless her calling dean an idiot. fuck this show for making him suddenly a good salesman) while trying to kill him. Does she think he dies and suddenly she owns it?? Makes zero sense. Also unpopular opinion i dont like that she caused a scene with the pool ball. Like....of course he isnt listening to you....you shot him...3 times....then stole from him....and have been screwing him over repeatedly.

-dean just....no. I understand that beth has so much going on in her life right now that divorce isn't exactly on her mind and dean is the last trace she has left of a normal life so shes holding onto it for dear life.....actually no. I do not know if any of that is actually true or if I'm just interpreting wrong. Because the subtext and editing and parallels and all that would be fine and dandy but not when that's all the show is at this point. If dean cheating yet again is not gonna make beth leave him, nothing will. I want his screentime to be 30 seconds and nothing more.

-im just not invested in the boland children. Annie and ruby have both struggled real bad, but beth, the one in the deepest, has 4 children who are somehow unaffected by this?? Not to mention the whole divorce, wait never mind, oh look a gang leader hanging out with mommy again, oh look our house is empty, type stuff happening. Beth's kids should be going through it but for some reason they arent? Maybe it's because child labor laws or something lol.

- rio. At this point I'm rooting for him for than anything. But I genuinely do not know why he hasnt killed beth. She's proven herself to be more of a liability than an asset and I just cannot understand why he hasnt killed her. Unless it's the whole "feelings" route, which wouldve made him look dumb, but made sense based on what we were given. This is actually the direction I thought the season was going but now it just seems like he is a bad businessman lol. Obviously she cant die for the sake of the show, but its like they didnt even try to make it make sense. He definitely knows about the hitman btw. I dont really blame him for anything he's done with beth so far. He robbed her in retaliation. He had to cut her off when she started acting shady. 🤷‍♀️ he let's her get away with too much tbh. It's a shame that this character isnt being utilized. Its like they are banking on this mysterious aura to keep working, but we are 3 seasons in and it's a little old now. I personally think that they just don't know what to do with him now. Also can I point out how dumb he looks showing beth that he is doing business at the carwash, why would he give her more information than she needs when he is suspicious of her? I cant tell if I was happy with how unphased he looked about her outburst or if I wish he checked her.

-mick. Did his side plot with beth die? How does it seem like this show simultaneously moves through plots every episode but is also stuck in the same one for the entire season? I also think mick is not being utilized. As funny as it is for him to be a built in 3rd wheel all the time, they could do so much more. Like can you imagine if beth mouthed off or fucked up and mick checked her? The possible ways a plot like that could go...untapped potential.

-ruby. Ah...I remember when I thought her and stan's fight was dragging for too long. Miss those days. See even tho ruby and stan seem to have the same issue over and over it's not the same story. Pen cap, new job, sarah stealing, all the same fight, but with different stories. And it really seems like Ruby's always going through it but I appreciate the variety. Stan's storyline has been interesting but I dont know how much it relates to the central plot. Sarah....great. that actress is so talented and even tho shes an attitude machine (what preteen is not) i just love her scenes. Harry seems to be missing a lot. The hills are the only part I seem to enjoy anymore. Really wish the show would explore why ruby seems to be the one who keeps getting caught up with the law...I wonder what it could be....what is different about her..hm...

- annie. Backtracked so much. Wish she had a single plot that didnt revolve around men. Now shes trying to cheat on her GED. Where's the snark? Where's the wit? It seems like all she is now is a codependent insecure mess. And I'm tired of this fuckass therapist. I thought her study montage was gonna end in a "she didnt need anyone but family (:" lesson but it did not for whatever reason. I thought by bringing a therapist into the show it was gonna give us more of a look at Annie's and Beth's upbringing and relationship. Or help annie work through her issues, the boomer thing too. Or maybe lead to Beth's ptsd diagnosis. Therapy could've helped move the plot forward or help the characters grow, but it's doing the opposite of that. If its not contributing to the main plot, what is its purpose? To give annie yet another terrible love interest?

To summarize....I hate it here.

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hello again ☺️Yes, that would have been really cool! I already read two of your recomnendations and i love them so thank you again for sharing! I can understand you being unsure of your writing but i bet there are people who will love it. Judging from how you answer your asks and how much you love John i have no doubt that i would love it. But if you dont wanna post it anywhere i would completely understand too. (1)

Im glad i came around to like Root cause otherwise it would have been hard to watch season 4 & 5 cause she appears a lot. I think part of it is cause i watched it witch my family and my dad loves her so i started to like her more too (you know who you love sth cause someone else loves it?) and then eventually i liked her to. Shaw i loved from day one and i loved her sibling energy with John. The John and Shaw dynamic was one of my favorites. I love their teasing and their chaotic energy (2)

As for Shoot i think its kinda cool that the writers just went with it cause of the chemistry and i like Shoot a lot. John and Harold would be amazing too (i mean whats better than one queer couple? Two queer couples!) And there are some parallels between the ships so there was room for both of them. Eventhough Harold and Grace is cute too. And i feel John has chemistry with almost everyone (not always romantic chemistry but also platonic chemistry if thats a Thing 😂) and (3)

in Addition to rinch i also really liked John with Zoe. The only one he had zero chemistry with was the theraphist imo. That ship was just weird. I wish they would have used that time for more Rinch scenes instead. -- yes someone who agrees about the happy end! I dont understand people who wish for a sad end. Like John is my fave character ever and i just want him to be happy with his newfound odd family and maybe someday adopt a cute baby with Harold or become an uncle or idk just be happy (4)

But in my Imagination he didnt die and someday he and Harold retired and started their quieter Happy life with Bear. --- yeah poi Reddit loves the later seasons and hates the first and i noticed they can get a bit mean with people who dont agree (thats why i only read and never write anything). Also said you could skip most of S1 which is just sad cause its a great season 😔 i will accept that i lost validity (is this even a Word?) for liking Root 😂 also yea 4x20 is the ep with the carter hallucinations so check it out. But a warning: Root appears :D sorry this ask got so long, but i just love talking to you and i always look forward to your replies :)

Hi !! Happy to see you're back :)

Glad you liked my recs ! I think there's quite an amount of fics with suicidal John out there actually. Not that surprising since it's canon.

I appreciate your support ! In the long run idk if it's healthy for me. Like a few months ago I fell back into ace attorney and I read a lot of fics about Miles being suicidal and it affected me negatively. Sometimes I purposefully seek out suicide fics. And it may not be the most healthy thing to do. So I'm not sure about that fic. Bc I do wanna write it, but idk if it'd be healthy, as catharsis, or unhealthy, as rumination. I mean I've been writing that body horror fic with some projection of my body issues and it's fine. But yeah I'm pretty sure that if I ever finish it I think I'll post it – after all I posted a fic in which John jumped off a bridge a long while ago before I got suicidal (foreshadowing my own life here lmao). I also wanna try to work on my other wips

Yeah I see, that's understandable. Ngl Root makes me not motivated to get to these seasons during my rewatch (which technically wouldn't be a rewatch). It's wild how I feel nothing for Shaw (she do be kinda hot tho,,,, muscles,,,,,) but I think it's mostly bc I wasn't that interested in her back then and it's been so long since I watched the show I don't remember shit about her. She'd be able to grow on me I think. Yeah I've seen a lot of posts about that "mayhem twins" dynamic around here it does sound cool. Also it's refreshing to have a male/female relationship that isn't turned into a forced romance. But I'll always have a soft spot for S1 and its four core characters.

It's nice if they have chemistry, I didn't feel like they did. Yeah I'm still disappointed that they didn't go for Rinch too. I mean come on their chemistry is so painfully obvious ! I dislike the word queer but mood pls just give me canon Rinch I'm fucking begging hhhhhhh. I'm quite sure the notion of chemistry works with non romantic relationships as well. John is definitely good with people. He looks scary and brooding but he's just a good man who wants to help people ! I love him so much and same he's my fav character of all time !! Also I love seeing him interact with kids he's so good with them. But I also love when he's being an absolute badass. Damn I always forget about Grace gkjdfkjfd I don't have anything against her though, Harold and her are cute together. (Not much into the grace/harold/john OT3 tho, I've seen it around after return 0 but :/ not my thing. But hey good for people who like it.)

I liked John and Zoe too. Even if he had chemistry with Iris it's so cringe, didn't think poi would fall as low as portraying such a relationship between a therapist and a patient. Guess that shows the decrease in quality in the later seasons. Sad they did that shit when as you said they could have showed more Rinch. Like come ooon Rinch is just. Right fucking here. Just make it canon you cowards.

Yeah fuck sad endings (John didn't die obviously) I want my men to be happy and in love and live a good life together with their dog is that too much to ask. Like sometimes I read fics with MCD bc why not but most of the time I just want happiness. Fluffy domestic Rinch is so good ! Gives me so much life. I have a soft spot for married Rinch as well. Also while we're at it let me rec this domestic fluff fic:

Yeah not surprised. And you're right don't waste your time arguing on reddit lol it's not worth it. It baffles me when people say S1 is boring like ??? Where ?? There's literally soooo many eps I love in this season !! 📣📣📣number crunch is the best ep📣📣📣 Glad they stay over on reddit with their last seasons and their shit opinions about S1 smh. Like imagine being a fan of a show and disregarding the season that created the basis of the show and developed characters and relationships. Big brain time uh

I'm quite sure validity is an actual word, and that's how it be if you like root :/ I don't make the rules :/ you're the half valid anon now 😂

Oh well I shall endure root if it's a good ep ^^

It's cool !! I love your long asks !! I hope I didn't get lost in my own reply lmao

[troybarnesbucky]

I woke up and decided to analyze each 9-1-1 pairing with regards to timing and also buddie

I just woke up and all im gonna say right now is this: this is long-winded but basically it takes a look at all the relationships on 9-1-1 and compare the timing and level of intimacy to that of buck and eddie’s relationship. 

at the end of season 1 of 911 I remember watching and realizing they were gonna push the whole bobby and athena relationship, and I was surprised, because I didnt think there was any preamble or much hinting to it. but I guess it made sense to me - they were both single, both in the same social circle, they got along. sure, made sense. and then season 2 comes along and they’re smack dab in the middle of their relationship and we have zero time to adjust to it as an audience, but once again, we quickly did (mind you, I did not watch it live as intently as a fan would, but I do recall a lot of episodes because my mom watches the show and I remembered a lot when I was catching up myself). at this point bobby and athena are happily married and I really do love them together, genuinely.

then, maddie comes along and there’s a bit more to the story. she has a lot going on, a lot she’s been through and we spend much of her first season getting to know her and watching her confront her past and create her own present. chimney had a bit of a rough start with relationships (.... tatiana, sorry love, but you could’ve had it all sis). her and chimney start out as friends but it’s very clear from their blossoming friendship that the writers intend for us to want a relationship for them, and we DO. because theyre adorable together and genuinely have so much chemistry and they’re good for one another. it’s a bit of a slowburn but we get there eventually, so much so that in the season 3 finale, we find out maddie is pregnant! which yes, did make me cry shut up. 

hen and karen had a rough start. even if they did look happy, they went through a ton of shit in the first and second season, especially the first season. which is fair; hen cheated on karen, and a large part of her storyline revolved around her ex and having to fight for denny. but there’s so much love between them, and a heavy history that is palpable through the screen. by the time season 2 comes around, they are a bit more grounded, and more so by the time season 3, too. it was interesting to think about their relationship is comparison to the others, which we watched blossom in real time. especially in season 3, because we see their love and support of one another during their attempt to have another child, and yes I also did cry when they met nia for the first time and no I will not elaborate. hen also went through a lot of shit this season; karen, despite what she went through, was and continues to be super wonderful and supportive, if a bit wary (but its okay because drunk karen and chim was a gift and we were well fed) for a second. their relationship is everything and also karen carries the whole show’s sense of humor on her back, I said what I said. 

then we have three more main relationships: michael and athena’s, which is over in episode 1; buck and abby (im not counting ali because genuinely she was in three episodes, im only looking at the main relationships for each character), which starts and ends in season 1; and eddie and shannon, which technically starts before season 1 and kinda ends in season 2 but then she dies. 

personally I dont think there’s much to add about michael and athena’s relationship. firstly, michael is a doll and if they hurt him in season 4 I will riot. but more so, the show gave us a LOT to work with in terms of their past relationship. also, it was interesting as a viewer, to learn about them from the bottom up. we see the tail-end of their romantic relationship and watch it get replaced with a genuine love and care for each other and their family. it’s a stark contrast to what a lot of shows on television would go for; it has a bit of rough, bumpy start, but by midway through season 2, they’re both on steady ground in terms of personal family life, and it’s actually a breath of fresh air. their dynamic is heavily surrounded by love for family, and we love love love that. 

I think with abby and buck we all liked it a little, at the start. buck was sweet to her and we see a change in attitude and an effort from buck that is clear to have never been made before. abby is also a pretty admirable character; she takes care of her mother, is incredible at her job as a dispatcher, and she struggles with maintaining personal relationships but still gives it a go with buck. and buck, from the start to end of the season, grows a lot, both independently from and surrounding their relationship. as a viewer I watched the show way later on, so I knew abby was leaving and honestly, I really did like her and their chemistry. as we go into season 2, we have buck, who is still living in abby’s place, and then the introduction of eddie.

so here’s the thing; this is where I was trying to get to. the show (the writers) made and continue to make interesting character and relationship choices. with eddie and shannon, there is a very clear closeness and chemistry between them that yes, does get revamped for a little. there is also history, which is very important and can’t be disregarded. but more than anything, we are looking at timing in this meta. eddie comes along in season 2 and there are a lot of things happening: hen and karen are getting back to normal, athena and bobby are suddenly dating, buck and abby are - despite what buck thinks - very over, and chim is single and ready to pringle, plus maddie is new and freshly separated from d*ug. as we go through season 2, we see development with athena and bobby, very clearly on their way to a stable relationship and marriage. hen and karen are working through things, we don't really doubt their relationship either. both maddie and chimney are single, and they become friends, and we very quickly, as viewers, realize where the writers are taking us and what they want us to think. 

so now im gonna get on my clown shit when I talk about buck and eddie. specifically, regarding the writers and their timing and why I think they’re either really stupid or actually very smart.

listen, everyone loves slowburn. hell, I'm writing a buddie au that will probably end up being like, upwards of 80k words and it’s gonna be a slowburn. buck, at the beginning of season 2, is in denial. im not gonna go through details but I will say that like..... okay, he’s heartbroken and thats fair. eddie, through means of “what a man,” is introduced and within one fell swoop, buck is immediately jealous and then like, twenty four hours later, they’re besties. tea. totally fair. in terms of timing, especially regarding relationships, there really aren’t many things to note: buck goes through that weird thing with taylor kelly, eddie goes through his drama with shannon, and when shannon wants a divorce, it kinda all goes to shit. by the end of season 2, we have buck trying to move on (and also nearly dying by means of a firetruck but thats not my point but also writers wtf) and dating ali (guys how do you spell her name lol) while eddie deals with the aftermath of his (ex, technically but I don't know if its mean to say that) wife. there are more than a few moments between buck and eddie that hint to a potential romance and feelings, like the santa scene and multiple others. then, season 3 is very very interesting. 

buck and ally(? seriously I don't know) are broken up, eddie is focused on christopher and actually, also buck, and then the tsunami happens. there is also not much going on in terms of other relationships on the show; maddie and chim get their shit together while also having a crazy season starting and ending with talking about having kids with a brief intermission of “I cant say I love you” and nearly dying on both parts and albert appears lol (and then disappears, too?? wtf). athena and bobby are pretty cool, hen and karen are trying for kids and hen wants to be a doctor. we have some others, like josh, who go through too much shit for my liking and deserve better, and michael, who...... deserves the world. 

okay. cleared that up. but timing-wise, if we look at the writers and their regard for timing, then we see this: any time two characters are single and there’s an ounce of friendship even hinted, they end up together. fine, that’s fair to say because we’ve seen it, right? after the tsunami, which is a WHOLE OTHER thing im not getting into, we have the lawsuit, eddie fighting, lena bosko (yall can be mad but she was hella cool), hen killing that cello (I think) player, michael getting sick, wow this season was fucking insane holy shit.

but in terms of character relationships and timing, a lot goes on with buck and eddie. in this one season alone, we go from eddie being the first one to hug buck at his surprise party and christopher giving buck a card with “bff” on it, then buck almost dies (again) and eddie is, quite frankly, the only one who takes no crap from him after he quits and then the tsunami and buck literally tearing himself apart to find his best friend’s son and collapsing at the sight of them reunited and then “there’s no one I trust more with my son than you” (is that the quote, I don't know it by heart) and THEN heart eyes, and then the lawsuit and supermarket and “you’re exhausting” and “christopher misses you” and “I couldn't even call you to bail me outta jail” and then the “I’m hearing a lotta ‘I’s, buck” and “I forgive you” and then the Infamous Kitchen Scene and me endlessly screaming WHY WAS BUCK’S HAND ON HIS BELT LIKE THAT? but also very pointedly I will say eddie fighting specifically when he can’t talk to buck and then it stops around the time he can hmmmmm. and also “this is eddie’s house im not really a guest here” then the fuckaifajfgkjfglgakjdgag tunnel collapsing and buck literally, once again tearing himself and everything apart for a diaz, digging with his bare hands and the defeated look on his face and refusing to think about eddie dying and eddie very nearly dying but then recalling christopher, his family, buck, then christopher and buck, then christopher and buck again, then a rare shannon appears, and then it’s just-

okay. OKay. O K AY. ok. here’s what I think. either the writers are incredibly smart or just viciously stupid, or the third, lesser liked option, they know what they’re doing and don’t give two shits. they are sitting on, and quite frankly they have created, a fucking goldmine. but in terms of timing, and relationship choices, we have eddie and anna(?) as a brief thing that will either reappear in season 4 or never be touched again, then abby’s lame-ass apology that was just her attempting to justify her actions by claiming she simply just should’ve told buck sooner. but a lot of this season explores buck’s loneliness, and in a way, too, eddie’s. 

yes, eddie has christopher, and the others? they have families and significant others. buck has no one (except maddie but you get my point) to go home to. I think, in terms of timing and thematic elements, this season took the time to explore the loneliness of two men, but also by doing so, only high-lighted their need for one another, their love for one another. in the past, that has lead to two couples getting together: athena and bobby, and chimney and maddie. 

so, my point is, season 4 is the make it or break it point. we got (weak-ass) closure with abby, eddie’s anger and regret with shannon (and yes, christopher), an exploration of both of their loneliness, and a very, very clear rocket launch of their closeness and dependence on one another, in season 3. it started with a lot and ended with closure on all extraneous factors that could have possibly deterred the two of them from a potential relationship. more so, abby is getting married and buck has no choice but to move on; he may not have loved her anymore but he needed the closure (and no I do not think it was good enough and I think buck deserved more but that’s not my point).

this can’t be read that much into. it’s not subtle, it’s not subtext. it’s very clearly there on our screens, with every small or big line. they mean a lot to each other. anyone with eyes can say that, has to say that. the problem is, what’s the intention? like, are the writers actually doing what I've just said, setting up for a slowburn, taking it season by season. you can look at it that way, and it actually doesnt take a lot to get to that point of a thought process. there is a HUGE, fundamental shift in buck and eddie’s relationship in season 3. there is a perceived difference in their friendship versus both their relationship with others and the friendship between others. denny doesn’t call chimney his best friend, “his chimney.” athena has never once told hen she trusts her children with her more than anyone in the world. 

there are a lot of interesting choices that have been made over the course of three season, particularly this past season. there are also a lot of possibilities for the upcoming season. we may see a return of that teacher, we might see buck fall into other women, we may see eddie not fully over shannon, or (hopefully not) an abby return. it’s just a matter of waiting, but there’s no denying the way things were left off; buck and eddie were both single throughout the entirety of season 3, considerably closer and not guests at each other’s place, both very lonely in spite of the people around them, closer to each other than the rest of the 118, both have a family member (or more than one for eddie) to keep them anchored. buck is, yes, more lonely, but they are both left off in the same place. my question, more than anything, is whether it’s intentional after all that’s said and done. and if it’s not, then why, pray tell, are the writers following their OWN very clear and self-fulfilled pattern of timing and relationships to an even stronger extent than they ever have? 

[scullyeffect]

i love reading your posts about being a nanny, its something i like the idea of but i dont think id ever be able to do it

it definitely takes a certain type of person i think, but you can also learn with experience. i have friends who suddenly become very ~aware of themselves~ when talking with a kid. like making sarcastic jokes or something and it’s like um...be yourself?? nobody likes being talked to in a patronising tone, or spoken to like a well behaved dog. but seriously, just be yourself. they already think you’re cool af for not being mom lol. and most kids don’t judge. the amount of times i’ve been self conscious about my appearance at work? zero. the amount of times i’ve been scared my boss will catch me on my phone? zero. the amount of times i’ve plucked a wedgie with confidence? every day. i’d been babysitting kids for like 8 years (including one 5 y/o girl who got dropped off at my house at 8 every morning and was picked up at 6pm five days a week for the entire summer when i was 16...wow) before i became an au pair, but i know people who wing it and are completely fine.

i think the real key to it being a job you can enjoy or be “good” at is patience. because at the end of the day you’re not the parent. it’s not fully up to you to discipline the kids. you get to go home at the end of the day. sometimes you have to bring problems up with the parents to deal with because you’re unsure about their protocol (the kids i take care of aren’t allowed to watch tv or use electronics, so when i showed them a trailer for a movie 6 was like ooooh i’m gonna tell mom!! and i was like fuck). one time 6 peed during a 5 floor elevator ride and i had to reassure her that it was okay, then spend ten minutes wiping up the mess with paper towels hoping to hell no one would need the elevator. luckily that sent her right into the shower so there was no war. like i could have lost my temper and been like WHY DIDN”T YOU JUST HOLD IT. YOU CLEAN IT UP. because she had been holding it for like 30 minutes and she’s 6. i learned from this and whenever one of them says they need to go i’m like WHO WANTS A PASTRY REAL QUICK LET’S GO SPEND 5 EUROS TO PEE.

but at the same time you end up being a really important factor in a child’s life. sometimes they’ll ask you questions they feel like they can’t ask their parents: the 15 y/o teenager i lived with for two years came into my room in tears saying she couldn’t figure out how to use a tampon and she didn’t want to ask her mom, the 9 year old got “the talk” from her mom but admitted to me that she didn’t understand and could she ask me some questions. you’re the one (in my case), who’s making sure they’re clean and have eaten and brushed their teeth before the parents come home. you’re the one helping with homework (and it’s really amazing to be able to be the one teaching a kid how to read at home. i’ve gotten to do this twice and it’s so exciting when they start wanting to read some of their bedtime story instead of letting you do it). at the end of the day it’s a really humbling job.

but patience and understanding is really key, also confidence. sometimes babysitters are the good guy, and you can get away with anything because mom and dad are out for the night. i think that’s normal and fun. but when you’re with the kids every day you don’t get to just be the good guy, or they won’t learn anything. and that’s hard!! because again, you don’t have the full parental authority. 

the absolute ABSOLUTE most important thing, which can either be the easiest or most difficult, is getting a solid routine going. especially with younger kids, but it’s good for all ages. once you have the routine set up you’re good for life. obviously sometimes you’ve gotta roll with a doctor’s appointment, or in my case the occasional public transport strike (”who wants to walk a mile today ladies!!!”) it’s especially nice when the kids unconsciously pick up on it and will sometimes prompt you like “how much time do we have to play until bath time?”, or “today is wednesday, so we’re going to the park, but can we go to this one instead of that one?”. so like with the kids i take of now the afternoon routine (except wednesday, which is different) is:

4:30pm: pick up from school, snack while we’re taking the metro back (bc otherwise they get antsy, they haven’t eaten since 11:30)

5:00-5:30pm: homework

5:30-6:30pm: play/read

6:30-7:00pm: one of them takes a bath/shower while i make dinner, the other one sets the table and helps with dinner, or she can read/play

7:00-whenever dinner is finished (normally 7:45pm)

7:45-8ish: second one takes a bath/shower while the other helps clear the table, then she can read/play, after that they both brush their teeth

8:00-9:00 the older one reads while i read to the younger one, or they’ll both listen to me read

also keep in mind this is france where eating late is normal, bedtime is probably later than the US (when i think about putting kids to bed at 7:30 in the US i feel like it’s the afternoon)

idk if you remember, but in september when i started taking care of 6 and 9 i was absolutely miserable. their parents had separated literally weeks before i arrived so the emotional dynamic was chaotic as hell, both apartments were in boxes, they were sleeping over at their grandparents’ house most nights, and here was this new girl they were supposed to trust. i met the girls for about 10 minutes in june when i had an interview, but the next time i saw them was the first day i picked them up from school. they still stress me out way more than the girls i lived with for two years (who were older, but overall just more well behaved), but i love them a lot. for the first two months i seriously thought i’d quit. i was so stressed out every day and felt like i was getting no support from the parents when i brought up problems i was having with their kids. now i really love them and i think they dig me too. 

so i think if you want to do it maybe try to get more experience babysitting and trying to get a steady babysitting job! i remember i would babysit the same toddler pretty often and i always had a loose routine with her so that when i came over she knew what to expect and i didn’t feel so harried at age 17. if you’re looking to be an au pair though, especially in a foreign country, you’ve gotta be picky as hell. i learned that from experience. if you don’t think you can handle a baby but you want to live in paris, you’ve gotta put your job before the location. if you do better taking care of boys (i do way better with girls. they’re so awful to each other if they have a sister, but the chaotic physical energy boys seem to have does not agree with me. they’re like dogs i’m like “time to play frisbee i need to wear you out”) look for a family with boys unless you think you can adapt. if you’re fine with both, go for it. if you want to learn/improve a foreign language, try to find a family that’s cool with you speaking their native language. people looking for anglophone nannies often have a 100% english policy. when i plugged in all my search criteria in 2016 i think i found five families total who fit the specifications. and then in addition to that i skyped all of them so i could try and sense if a Vibe was there. 

i’m sorry this is so long but i don’t have any au pair friends who kind of like...were there for the job as well as the city...so i never got to gab childcare. ask me all the questions.