#not try to fix myself
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part of me thinks the reason its so hard for me to maintain a "normal" AKA diurnal sleep schedule is bc i truly do just prefer being awake at night
#like if im being honest#when i worked nights the problem wasnt the being awake at night + sleeping all day#the problem was _needing_ to be awake during the day for other things#like id always try to flip my sleep during my days off so i cld “do stuff”#but god it was so much easier when i didnt#my ideal sleep schedule is like 10am - 6pm lol#maybe 12pm-8pm idk#depends on the time of year ig#i like waking up in the evening tho#and going to sleep in the late morning#maybe i shld just. do that for a bit#not try to fix myself#see if it helps/is any easier to maintain a regular sleep schedule that way#its not like ive got anywhere i need to be during the day lol#tho it does make socializing with all my east coast/european friends kinda tricky#hmmm
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let time pass.
#and the tears come streaming down your face#when you lose something you can't replace#when you love someone but it goes to waste#could it be worse?#Light will guide you home and ignite your bones#and I will try to fix you#thank you tom hiddleston for making fix you the lokius anthem#I'm still in mourning over the loki finale and I had to make something to make myself feel a little better#I hope this can help you a little too#or make it worse#haha#wanted to try something new#loki#lokius#lokius fanart#loki fanart#loki and mobius#loki season 2#loki season 2 fanart#loki mobius#loki laufeyson#loki god of stories#mobius m. mobius#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#my art#fanart#digital art#lokius comic#loki comic
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started making this a couple weeks ago and then learned there's an art contest for it! had a lot more in mind for this but the deadline is as good of an excuse as any to force myself to take things manageably. Hopefully will be able to get to the end of it someday it's so epic in my brain hrgrgghgh
Song is by @sparkbirdmusic
youtube
also I have a YouTube channel now :3
#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing#sparkbird#sparkbird mayday#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#captain curly#cw jimmy#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing jimmy#anya mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#mouthwashing fandom#my animation#my art#digital art#fan art#i marathoned this this weekend#i NEED to get to my schoolwork omg#but this is officially my most ambitious project that i have a mostly completed result for#learned a lot from this#really want to get better at actually following through with large projects#side-eyes my two largest ian projects#Youtube#in retrospect there's a bunch of mistakes in this but i will torture myself by trying to fix them all#this is also an exercise in self forgiveness :')#this took about 40 hours :'D im quite slow i think idk what the metrics are comment below if this is slow#not sure if this is a capcut quirk but there's kind of a significant lag I'm not sure how to fix
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first session on this LORGE boy!!
if i had a nickel for every time i got a tattoo of a dnd podcast with 69 episodes that made me cry, i'd have 2 nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#tattoo apprentice things#it needs maybe another hour for shading + fixing some lines#i ran out of time today and i didn't want to rush it#i'm trying to do these inky grungy outlines so i'll go back with my 3rl and do some more details#and pack in more black bc i did Not go deep enough#every time i feel bad about myself i just have to scream 'i've been doing this for a month'#it can only get better it's FINE
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wanted to play with how blaze would fit into stc, so I finally got around to watching a longplay of sonic rush. i hated it. the writing made me so mad. so here's a couple fleetway blaze doodles and a LOT of "here's how i would fix this story" doodles
#sth#sonic the hedgehog#blaze the cat#fanart#cream the rabbit#amy rose#knuckle the echidna#id in alt text#doodles#not tagging feebay bc really this could be ANY mean sonic... who's to say!#i keep starting and stopping myself from rambling about all the problems with this story#bc at a certain point i just keep circling back to: this is elise's story in 06 and 06 did it better#everything wrong with rush is fixed in 06. they just did blaze again but did the story right that time#so instead i'll just explain that knuckles was ooc as FUCK he would NOT tell blaze to trust sonic with the emeralds#and cream needed to be doing something that was not just. forcing herself as blaze's friend.#she needed to like. just be trying to help someone who needs help rather than annoy her into accepting the title of friend#posts in the night time when all the notes are sleeping ^_^
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Sigh
I can't believe I have to say this
If you know of anyone who's y'know "bad" or anything of the sort and happens to follow me... don't??? tell??? me??
Regardless of the circumstances and actions of the person, I say this with the utmost respect and fear: I don't want to get involved
What people who follow me or don't or have me blocked or muted or whatever do in their free and irl time is not my business
I know not to mess with english-speaking communities' personal affairs now. Like, no offense, but y'all are pretty fucking creepy when it comes to stuff like that, and that's why, again, I don't want to get involved
I have enough problems in the real world currently. Please understand that! 🙏
#im not trying to be mean or anything#im just gonna put it out there#im legit traumatized by the way english speakers and gringo cultured ppl handle these situations#im not even using that word lightly#getting the anon ask that spawned this post into existence made me want to puke and do not very nice things to myself#so please i beg you#dont tell me about it like im supposed to do anything to fix things#I also understand that many people believe larger accounts have a responsibility to get this sort of stuff out there#but im not strong enough for this kinda business#yall scare me way too fucking much atp#ughhh#aneh wont shut up
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some business to take care of
#i was tempted to caption this as she was a skater boy and she was also another skater boy but#duck scribbles#midoyuzu#enstars#whats up guys im being embarrassing again on main#been wanting a new phone wallpaper and this was born. its the lesbian version though im not showing that#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#yuzumido#ensemble stars#also have additional doodles that r kind of corny and im too ashamed to add into the main post so i might add on a reblog or maybe not#midterms were so awful i had to keep reminding myself i can go ham drawing whatever i want once im done. and naturally its this#anyways ive always liked midos city rider fit it suits her so well#always wanted to find a good one to pair w it and the wink killer 2nd half xscout was toooo good i was inspired immediately#finally could use this good ref pic ive had saved since forever i need to draw backgrounds more too it was rather fun somehow#mental state has been yoyoing an insane degree lately like come on i dont need to be reminded i am a useless hunk of meat every other day#with nothing good going for them. college is amazing at reminding me of such god bless#i have bad tendencies to self isolate behind the excuse of concentrating that i am trying to fix . but its hard to get back when i do#not to mention the entire Big Event happening over in good ol amerika serikat!!! my apathy is naturally immense#but whats some peace of mind here and there idk. im gonna read yuri
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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hi again
#HE DIDN'T EVEN QUESTION THE HEART STABBING BUSINESS#HAN YOOJIN SAID#i'll stab you it'll fix ya“#AND SHJ WAS JUST LIKE ”mmh maybe i'm going to instinctively try to defend myself sorry for the inconvenience#ARGH#they're so disgustingly in love#like every moment reeks of care and tenderness and#i'm going to jump in the sea your honour#han yoojin#sung hyunjae#jinjae#tsctir#sctir#the s classes that i raised#meme#mine
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im a child of divorce
#the bit is over when i say its over and even when its so joever for these two its not over for me!!! (once again i am on heavy copium)#anyway. thoughts behind the spoiler tags#gempearl#shiny duo#wild life smp#life series spoilers#wild life spoilers#i feel like. i actually was expecting that#no but its so funny the one time the negative consequences of something does actually get acknowledged its the SL finale ‘betrayal’/j#like cmon fuck me i guess/j (BIG EMPHASIS. ON THE SLASH J. OKAY.)#but honestly though i did expect Gem to hold a grudge over the 2v1 in SL. and. its good that there are consequences???#it IS a ‘betrayal’ in Gem’s eyes. they were friends. they were murder besties for the last two sessions and then Pearl chose Scar over her#and its awesome man. [through gritted teeth] this is awesome man this will be good for character development ok ok ok. ok?#its also got something to do with Pearl having the red creep in. i think#because during SL Gem was like. nearly idolising the Scarlet Pearl persona while vaguely aware that her own reputation has a similar effect#and yknow. the horrors. the fact that their image is so heavily built on what others deem them to be and they can only play into it#but by the end of SL Gem gets ‘betrayed’ by this persona that she looked up to#and also her own ‘GeminiSlay’ intimidating image is also starting to fall apart. partly of her own will#and now shes watching Pearl slowly turn red again. and this time she knows its not good for her or Pearl#so shes distancing herself from it. shes ‘trying to fix her reputation’. she sees Pearl falling into it again and just. no. i dont love you#you betrayed me last season#but on Pearl’s end of things she’s already deep into the idea that as long as you say you ‘forgive’ someone then everything thats happened#in the past doesn’t matter and they can all be friends. and nooo absolutely no grudges will be held. no emotional repression here#so. because thats happened to her in her own team she thinks the same can happen with her and Gem#and thats so. im going to blow myself up now
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MOTA + My Spotify Wrapped 2024
[Spotify Template]
#masters of the air#mota#bucky egan#buck cleven#curtis biddick#everett blakely#john brady#benny demarco#harry crosby#rosie rosenthal#robert rosenthal#alex jefferson#ken lemmons#mine#*my gifs#the lighting on so much of mota is complete shit to work with and i remember this every time i try to gif#how did i decide on the songs? vibes only <3#not completely happy but i'll drive myself crazy if i keep trying to fix it lmao
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Don't care + Didn't ask + Your stimboard incorporates the requested themes haphazardly and without connecting them to the character it's based on
#i opened my asks again partially bc i saw a stimboard so bad i felt obligated to try and fix the state of stimblr myself#mod speaks#stimblr
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"See you tomorrow"
MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 4 [prev parts]
#better drawn mdzs#MDZS Disco Elysium AU#mdzs au#Lan wangji#wei wuxian#yiling laozu#Happy Belated Halloween!#digital art#Thank you all for your patience as I drove myself into a madness only known by those lost at seas alone.#I put a lot of time into this one! It's not perfect but I am very happy with it + I am so happy to put down the tablet pen.#Digital art has some nice features but I'm sticking with traditional! I need a month to recover from the 2+ weeks of torture.#Okay lets talk about the AU and the comic now#Disco elysium has some of the best existential-horror-dream sequences I have ever seen.#The dialogue here is heavily inspired by The Final Dream - A scene I'd love to talk about more were it not so heavy with spoilers.#My AU is a lot more complex than a simple character swap but I really felt like LWJ + YLLZ fit this scene.#The final dream is about being unable to move on from a lost love. From something You made holy. From something You ruined.#It is about realizing that no matter how smart you are or what you offer or how you try to change -#You will never be able to turn back time. You will never ever be able to fix what is broken. That you also have been broken for a long time#You are a fuck-up who worships the nail covered ground of someone who did not want to be holy. And even though it hurts-#You cannot let this nightmare go. The pain keeps the love close. It is worse to forget. You promised to remember.#WWX died thinking LWJ disliked him. LWJ lost someone he thought was revolted by his love.
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You know she would be parading around in a different fancy outfit everyday just to show off to the farmer ♥
#stardew valley#sdv#sdv emily#stardew valley emily#bird#parrot#fashion#fanart#art by op#yeah i know the second one has green hair i dont CARE its fashion baby!!!#she's the type to switch it up like every week anyway#anyway i literally did my best on those like embarrassingly so#and i still get to a point where if i try to render it more i just automatically fall asleep on my cintiq#but at least by god i put my whole pussy into these sketches#and now i see so much shit to fix but i shall restrain myself#one has to draw the line somewhere#love you emily xoxo you are my wife (along with shane who is also my wife)
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Delete later. Just need to get some stuff off my chest
#lol does anyone else feel like they’ve made all the wrong decisions in the last 5 years trying to improve their quality of life#like I’m so physically and mentally exhausted I don’t even think about drawing or doing my favourite things#I’m not phishing for sympathy. I just feel like if I don’t express myself something worse will give#and farming is so thankless I just want some of my struggles to be acknowledged. in some way. however that might be#I went to school for education for 5 years and now I’m locked into a full time math teaching contract when I went to school for Eng/social#so while I’m teaching MYSELF the material so I can teach it to the kids#there is a cattle operation to somehow run after dad died 5 years ago. somehow hasn’t gotten easier#put down 2 animals in 2 weeks and spent 6 hours yesterday in -40c fixing a frozen waterer#spent 6 hours today in -40c chiselling actual frozen cow shit off a cow’s tail#got sprayed cow shit all over me btw lol that’s lowkey funny now#but my chronic migraines and headaches have not improved despite finally going to the doctor. couldn’t find anything wrong so she asked#about my mental wellbeing and lowkey cracked and cried in front of her but backtracked so hard because the shame is actually sickening#the constant headaches and migraines have been around since I was little but I don’t want to live like this anymore#I have no clue how I will manage full time teaching and farming when April hits for calving.#do check in on your farming neighbours. there is a reason why suicide rates are so high among farmers.#I’m not trying to hint at anything I’m genuinely just saying. there is no reason for young people to stick in the profession#there is so much that goes on behind the scenes behind picking up your triple A beef from the supermarket#know there is a 22 year old girl out there who isn’t sure how to make this all work out but she knows it’s both or nothing at all#and misses her dad more than any words can come close to describing#there are so many big problems that have made me grow up very very quickly#I’ve tried to stay positive through the absolute worst times of my life but I sometimes wonder when I will get to live on my terms#I don’t want to work until it kills me#like my dad#thanks for reading this far if you did#and thanks for sticking around.
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the dbh brainrot has been hitting hard & i have nothing else i can do rn so have a quick rk1k sketch ;)))
#dbh#detroit become human#dbh connor#dbh markus#dbh fanart#digital art#sketch#rk1k#rk1000#to be clear i like north and i do like her and markus but at the same time#multishipper brain go brrrrrr#jericho is just one big polycule \hj#might fix this up more and properly polish it in the future#but for now im just happy with myself for having drawn this :)#also ive been struggling hard with 3/4 perspective so im decently happy with how markus turned out#also is it noticeable ive actually put time into studying connor's face structure and have drawn him before vs just looking up#a quick reference for markus xD#also i did not look up how exactly the skinless hands looked because i didnt wanna go down the research rabbit hole#like research can be fun but at the same time if ur trying to get something done it can just ruin ur drive
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