#not to say I think people should inherently find that scene funny I’m glad people loved it so much!

[withdenim]

I keep scrolling through the venom tld tag and no matter how far I scroll I cannot find anyone else who’s MAIN takeaway was utter shock from the maroon five “memories” montage jumpscare (high school graduation style)

[tjerra14]

obligatory Aloy+Ikrie ask just in case nobody asks for it (bc you know I wanna hear your thoughts)

Lou, would you be surprised if I told you that I hit the reblog on that post thinking “hmmm, Lou would probably like to hear my thoughts on this”, so I am very glad that you asked

I’ll be trying to keep this short-ish but you know I’m slightly obsessed with them, so--

Who is more likely to hurt the other? Aloy. Not intentionally, of course--but her habits, especially her constant leaving, and her silent assuming of things that Ikrie doesn’t take for granted, are likely to cause pain she never even considered. In addition, Ikrie isn’t one to voice her wants and needs, always keeping herself back as to not impose, and prone to assume the worst, so it’s a learning process for both.

Who is emotionally stronger? Neither of them, I’d say. They can both take a lot, force themselves to take a lot, trying to keep it together for themselves and for another, push on because they feel they need to. So if one of them breaks, it’s a lot. Who is physically stronger? Ikrie, no question. Bench-presses Aloy for fun. She might be of a similar height as Aloy (Certified Smol), but comes with increased density. Who is more likely to break a bone? They take turns. Last time was Ikrie’s, so I guess Aloy should beware of slippery glaciers? Who knows best what to say to upset the other? They’re both pretty capable of upsetting one another, intentionally or unintentionally, but Ikrie’s tendency to blurt out her thoughts and convictions, especially when her emotions are boiling over, puts her at an advantage at that. And faced with Aloy’s inherent stubbornness, she’s likely to be brutally honest, no prisoners taken. Who is most likely to apologise first after an argument? Weeelll.... funny thing, actually. I’ve been playing through a few scenes to that end in my head and it always ended up with both of them apologising at the same time. Who treats who’s wounds more often? They’re pretty adept at treating each other’s wounds, and sometimes have to do that after the very same fight. You annoy machines for fun, you get what you signed up for. Who is in constant need of comfort? ...Ikrie. Both. Both, but Ikrie. Listen, they find comfort in each other because they understand the other’s struggle with identity and not-belonging and loneliness and-- Who gets more jealous? I’m not entirely sure either of them fully grasps the concept of jealousy. Aloy doesn’t strike me as a particularly jealous person, and Ikrie... Well, Ikrie would probably rather assume she just wasn’t good enough, resign and explore the endless abyss of self-deprecation than be jealous.

Who’s most likely to walk out on the other? Ikrie, in the pursuit of distance, quiet, cold air and a hunt to clear her head. Who will propose? This is five miles deep into my personal headcanons and fics, but in a way, Aloy did already propose. (As much as you can call it that.) While thinking about the significance of Bluegleam for the Banuk, and gift-giving as a show of appreciation/ritual of courtship, I grew fond of the concept of the value of the gift being representative of importance the giving party regards the relationship with. What determines the value of a gift differs on the occasion and the people involved, but considering Bluegleam seems to have spiritual importance from how the Banuk talk about it in Frozen Wilds, and how difficult it seems to be to obtain it (there’s the Stormbird shrine at the end of the Shaman’s Path, which is “meant to be an ordeal” according to Naltuk; and Aloy regularly goes mountain-goating across the map to collect her crystals); I figured it would be very much up there where gifts are concerned. A lasting promise, even if I don’t think Banuk marry in a stricter sense but establish partnerships. So when I had her giving Ikrie a piece of Bluegleam because “it always seemed to belong to her”, that was, to Ikrie and unbeknownst to Aloy, entering such a partnership. Outside of that, you can’t catch either of them proposing, I’m sorry. Who has the most difficult parents? Ikrie’s parents dropped her off at a Banuk Baby Hatch shortly after her birth, does that qualify as difficult? Other than that, both of them suffer the No Family Allowed-Curse Horizon likes to inflict on its characters so much, so they can avoid all difficult parental relationship other than struggling with their absence. Who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? They’re not much for hand-holding (especially since those hands are usually busy with climbing or weapons or just gesturing excitedly as they tell each other stories), but Aloy’s far more likely to brush against Ikrie’s hand or take and squeeze it shortly when she notices her being somewhat hesitant and unsure. Or just because she can. Who comes up for the other all the time? I’d be lying if I said I understood this question. Who hogs the blankets? Ikrie. It’s a bad habit and Aloy’s the one much more prone to freezing even in a more temperate climate, but well. Many blankets and a fire were crucial for survival in Ban-Ur, so she still does it. Should they actually be in colder areas, they usually have enough for both of them on hand and share warmth whenever possible. However, both are ridiculously restless sleepers, so it’s not always a nice, refreshing experience.

Who gets more sad? Sad? No one’s even marginally sad. What do you mean you can sometimes find one of them sitting alone on a rock overlooking a lake or meadow or entire valley staring into the middle distance with a weird shadow on their expression? Who is better at cheering the other up? Definitely Ikrie. She’s practised in that. Mailen used to get sad from time to time and since she didn’t know how to deal with that, she resorted to what she always felt was fun: hunting, or a new challenge. It always worked. It also works on Aloy. Who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes? Ikrie ended up with a Slap Subscription, but it’s her own damn fault. Aloy lives for her smirks and smugness and carefree laughter when she dodges her hand, though. Who is more streetwise? Ikrie’s grown up with her tribe, and without parents. They may have taken care of her so she could survive but other than that it seems she was mostly left to roam free, and in doing so, picked up a bunch of tricks and skills Aloy, Rost-grown outcast, might be unfamiliar with. Who is more wise? Wisdom runs away screaming whenever one of them comes near. ...okay, that might not entirely be fair to them, but they’re young and reckless and impulsive and feral gremlins at that so wise decisions beyond basic survival skills happen less regularly than unwise ones. They’ll learn. Who’s the shyest? Depends on the situation. Surrounded by a large group of people? Ikrie, even if she does her best to not show it. In intimate settings, with each other? Aloy. Who boasts about the other more? Less boasting about the other as a person they’re with, but praising their skill--Ikrie would be insufferable in that. Aloy politely smiles, nods, and pulls her aside to tell her to tone it down a little, after all, she absolutely sucks with a sling, and-- Too late, the entirety of the Forbidden West now knows about that one time Aloy managed to topple over a Thunderjaw with a well-placed shock wave from her spear. Who sits on who’s lap? Depends on who sat down first. Although laps are less seats and more headrests.

[im-like-if-a-girl]

*THE* mean-girl-dean-girl's Supernatural reboot MEGAPOST!

I'm gonna stick a little "keeping reading" here because hoooooo boy, this is a very long post.

Let's start with

Plot

Season 1

Dean kills John while they are out on a hunt in a crime of passion, but Dean doesn't remember because he blacked out. Cue Dean going to Stanford to get Sam and tell him "Dad's on a hunting trip... and he hasn't been home in a couple days."

The audience doesn't know what happened to John, but slowly figures it out with Dean and Sam as Dean slowly remembers what happened that night.

The entire first season, the boys are following the trail John left and fighting monsters as well. They find out Dean was with John, Sam realizes Dean has an unreliable memory, they have heart to hearts about their childhood and the fire, they find John's body, "how could you kill Dad?" but maybe Dean didn't kill dad, whooaaaaaa, misdirection.

It was actually good ole yeller eyes (Azazel) and he made it look like Dean killed John.

Okay, now let's move on to the first episode

Not sure how the opening would work, I would like the story of the fire to be revealed over the course of the first season, but maybe the opening scene could be a little bit of an establishing character relationships and backstory, idk, I haven't thought that far yet.

I'm thinking maybe it's like, Dean gets back to a motel room covered in blood and he listens to a voicemail on his phone from John saying he was on a hunt or something, I don't really know lol.

HOWEVER

I do know that after the intro rolls, we get a scene of Sam waking up to his alarm and "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton starts playing.

Y'all know where this is going.

Cue a montage of Sam's normal Stanford college life (him sitting through lectures, walking through the campus with friends) spliced with scenes of Dean absolutely slaughtering a nest of vampires (or some other monsters, whatever works best.)

But

Now onto

Characters!!! (And descriptions)

Dean Winchester

Some lovely person on this site made edits of Dean with platinum blond hair and it made me feel some kind of way so we're doing that, homie's gonna have platinum blond hair

Side note about the hair, later when the brothers are running from the FBI he dyes it a dirty blond/light brown (insert jackles hair color controversy here) as a disguise.

He also gets tattoos because we were robbed.

Speaking of tattoos, concept: when Dean comes back from Hell, all of his tattoos are gone. His body is a clean slate, devoid of tattoos, scars, etc. So he gets his tattoos done all over again, which he doesn't mind because he made some bad, drunk tattoo decisions in his youth.

(And before you ask, yes, he does get one for Cas, either a bee or Cas's name in enochian, something cute.)

Dean goes to therapy after Sam gets sent to the Cage.

It's actually court mandated because he got in trouble, lol, he would never go to therapy on his own.

Along with the hair, Dean gets to be the grade A twunk we all know he is.

Sam Winchester

His hair gets longer in every scene he's in

No jk, but imagine

King of Microaggressions

Sam starts off like the sweetheart he is in season 1 but in later seasons he starts enjoying killing a little too much...

It's that demon blood, ba-by!!!

He brings up issues of morality to Dean, i.e. killing monsters who aren't hurting anyone. (Yes I know this is contradictory to my previous statement, but these two facets of Sam can and will coexist.)

Sam and Jess's relationship is explored further, meaning we'll need to start with a different inciting incident, but that's fine, I think everyone can agree fridgings are *(thumbs down)*

Sam doesn't truly know what happened the night of the fire until later, and then he understands why Dean is so protective of him.

Jess

She gets to live beyond the first episode

She is also trans

No, I don't feel like I have to explain myself and I won't 💜

She urges Sam to join Dean in a search for their brother, kind of gets pulled into the hunter lifestyle by association lol.

She dies on a rusty nail after fighting vampires on a routine hunt with Sam

No jk!!!

But imagine....

She's amazing and I love her and Lucifer also uses her as leverage against Sam and possesses her because I think that'd be cool.

She supports Sam 100% and also she and Dean are buddies, pals if you will.

She meets Cas Thee El and immediately she Knows, that is a homosexual.

She dies still so that we can have a Saileen Endgame but she's not dying the first episode or in a fridging. Not on my watch.

Castiel

He gets to keep his raw, light-fixture-exploding power.

I want more of that "I pulled you out of hell, I can throw you back in" energy except over dumb shit like Dean not cleaning up after himself.

He looks like a Dilf in every scene he's in, yeah, that's right, dilf with a capital D for *(GUNSHOTS)* *(gets sent to horny jail)*

Claire

She gets pink hair

And more time with Cas

And maybe a nose piercing

Feel like she should be able to kill a couple angels onscreen, punch a couple homophobes

She gets to meet Jack and teaches him swears and fun slang words.

She deserves it.

Jack

I says "that's my baby and I'm proud."

Jack starts off as a baby, but like Amara he grows up super quickly.

Like, baby to 11 year old in a couple days or less.

This is because Jack's emotional age on the show is on par with that of a 5th grader.

It's at this point when he's a young kid that he runs away from the Bunker and shenanigans ensue.

It's also at this point that Dean threatens to k*ll him.

(Still not sure if I want that in my Supernatural (threatened infanticide? In my Supernatural? It's more likely than you think) but we'll see. We'll see.)

Throughout a majority of season 13, Jack is like an 11 y.o. kid

Season 14 he's like a 16 y.o. teenager

Season 15 he's 21, you get the picture.

Listen, I love Alex Calvert a lot. He's great.

But Jack is a child and should be a child.

Kelly Kline

Kelly, baby, stay right where you are, you're perfect.

Eileen

SHE DOESN'T DIE

SHE GETS TO BE IN THE FINALE BECAUSE SHE'S AMAZING AND I LOVE HER.

BLURRY WIFE WHO? I ONLY KNOW SAILEEN ENDGAME!

She teaches Claire and Jack swears in sign-language. Castiel is not impressed.

John

J*hn W*nchester stans, DNI.

He's dead.

We only see him in flashbacks and only sometimes hear his voice in voice overs.

He's not "down the road" from Dean in Heaven, in fact he instead gets to wander around in some Purgatory like Hell for the rest of his time :)

People who get to say "fuck" on the show:

Cas (but only Once)

Jody

Bobby

Now onto other things

I want more of

Ghostfacers

(they need more screentime because I love them)

Dean/Benny

We know they had a thing.

They definitely had a thing.

Demon Dean

Again, I feel like more should've been done with this. All that build up for what, 2 episodes? was not utilized well at all.

Dean's Bisexuality

Straight Dean truthers DNI, my Supernatural is a show about love and being true to yourself

You think Supernatural is a show about 2 straight brothers fighting monsters?

Naw bitch, this is a show about the Gay Experience

He will get to have relations with men on this show.

Of course, only after John dies does he, y'know, display it. Maybe he kisses Cas on his dad's grave just to fuck John over, make him roll in grave.

We all agree John would be/is a homophobe piece of shit, right?

Okay, glad we're on the same page.

Dads

3 men and a baby with Jack is what I'm saying.

I love it when the Trio are father-figures to younger troubled characters they see themselves in, even better if it's like reluctant-but-loving father figure, oh, that trope gets me every time :'^)

Dadstiel and DadDean are my favorites, but I like it when Sam plays "Uncle Sam" to kids too lol.

"Fellas, is it gay to want a tight knit family with your husband, his son, his vessel's daughter, your brother, his wife, your cop mother figure and her wife and their adopted daughters? Asking for a friend."

Garth

Biggest flaw of Supernatural was underutilizing Garth.

I will never not be bitter that Garth was only in like, 7 episodes out of the whole 15 season series.

Every episode with Garth gets immediately 5 times better.

I love Garth.

Follow ups on characters who had entire episodes featured around them and then just... vanished???

This is mostly about Jesse, the magic kid whose imagination ruled an entire town like, his daddy was a demon and nothing came of that kid??? Only one episode about him?? No follow up???

KID CAN MANIPULATE REALITY AND WE'RE NOT GONNA GET A FOLLOW UP ON THAT?????

Uh, there was that one episode with Ennis the guy whose girlfriend was killed by a monster? I think?? Who we never see again, that was weird.

Tamara from season 3, episode 1.

And of course-

Cassie

She was so cool, and then we never saw her again :////

She gets to be a badass.

Religious imagery

As a former Catholic school student who has become for the most part, disillusioned with religion, religious imagery in TV shows like Supernatural make my brain go "brrrrrr."

Fun episodes!!!

Like, after season 6 or so, there's a drop in funny episodes

I'm talking Changing Channels, The French Mistake type stuff. (Scoobynatural is an outlier and should not be counted.)

So anyway

In my version we would have more fun episodes

I'm thinking

GENDER-SWAP EPISODE, BABY!!

(why they didn't do that in the original, we'll never know.)

An episode where Dean gets to wear eyeliner

That's it, end of post.

I want less

Racism

Yeah I feel like this is self explanatory, nearly every reoccurring character in SPN is white, and black side characters normally die in the episode they first appear in, or they'll be featured as a villain (Uriel, Raphael, Billie, etc)

Also there's a lot of... uh... asian fetishism featured in the show (what with "Busty Asian Beauties) that's really gross, also Kevin was a bit of a stereotype...

Also also it's super yucky how they kill the gods from other religions like???? Uh??? That's super disrespectful, let's not do that????

I know Supernatural is like, inherently racist because monsters are a separate race that are seen as some dangerous "other" that must be eradicated by hunters in a form of genocide-

Okay we won't get into that but

Still

Stop killing all your POC

Fridgings/Unecessary murders of female characters

I know Supernatural starts with a fridging, so this will be a hard thing to remedy, but

One death that really pissed me off was the death of Charlie

Yeah, that was pointless and we're not doing that. Charlie gets to live and be an awesome aunt to Jack.

And also Claire

Charlie Bradbury Superiority

Charlie and Garth get to meet because they're nerd/geek solidarity.

British Men of Letters

I fucking hate these guys

They're "litcherally" the worst.

The worst part is that the actors they have playing the British AREN'T. EVEN. BRITISH.

And you can tell

Uh, and that's all for now, I'll add more later.

tag list for people who liked my "if this post gets one like I'll post my SPN reboot masterpost" post.

@darianyunidi @sarasidlesaid @crazybananaalpaca @playfulpanthress @ultfreakme @fififeelsmellow @heller-char @luna8eaton @princessmeganfire @insanebot109 @queenofnightsnow @mongoose-underthehouse

Thank you for the support, hope the wait was worth it.

[ardenttheories]

Homestuck's always been antagonistic and insensitive, but I don't recall seeing any of you try to dox Hussie? But please, continue to rationalise how cyberbullying lgbt people for not being nice enough and having opinions about a fictional character you disagree with puts you in the right. A story doesn't go the way you'd like and this is how you respond? You COULD have just not bothered reading it instead of CHOOSING to make your online life about something you hate like a toxic weirdo.

Hi, Kate. I’m so glad you could find my blog. (Edit: that was a joke. Apparently, some anons find it impossible to tell that I don’t actually think you’re Kate). It’s clear to me that you didn’t take the time to read through any of the content that’s actually on here, since you’re throwing around rather wild accusations, so let me take this down step by step.

Homestuck has only rarely been antagonistic and insensitive. Things like the Alpha Trolls - which were clear criticisms of fandom culture - were relatively few and far between, and when we complained about them, they actually stopped. Remind me, for instance, how relevant the Alpha Trolls were to the plot? How long they stayed as mockeries towards the fandom? Yeah, not long. I actually have talked about this before on the blog - alongside other things I thought were negative towards the fandom from the original comic - but the difference here is that... in the entirety of Homestuck, these things were outliers and inconsistencies. They stuck out because they were in stark contrast to the otherwise wonderfully handled content Homestuck went over.

For instance, Homesuck is critical of abuse - especially in terms of relationships. We see through a critical lense the shit normalisation of parental abuse can do to a child - with actual talk of triggers and of the mental and emotional scarring left behind, and the complexities of the child’s feelings towards the parent’s death through Dave - and we see how self destructive relationships can be, how harmful they are, and how hard it can be to leave them - such as Terezi’s very toxic blackrom with Gamzee, which was always portrayed as something negative and harmful especially with how worried Karkat was for her and how withdrawn she became during its run, and Dirk’s relationship with Jake, which goes very much over how communication can cause a deterioration in romantic relationships especially when the two participants have conflicting mental illnesses. 

It also goes over how men, though they can be mired in toxic masculinity, can choose to be good. How sometimes we’re not born as good people, but we can become good people through the love we have for the people around us, through frequent attempts to check what we’re doing, through the sheer willpower to be good. Dirk’s entire arc, knowing that he could very easily become Bro but deciding he doesn’t want to be, that it’s something he wants to work on, is so important and incredibly powerful. Mental illness in men is often just given as an excuse to make them violent with no attempts at betterment - so Dirk actually existed as proof that you don’t have to be that stereotype. 

In contrast, Homestuck^2 completely uncritically gave Jade, who was cis, a dog dick, made her, a bisexual woman, a sex maniac and the yaoi “woman who gets in the way of the gays” trope, made her a cheater and someone who forced her partner into the relationship to begin with, and made her a neglectful mother after having cheated with her best lesbian friend in something that has incredible recall to just about every futanari video ever - and they tried to claim that this was good representation of trans women, actually, and that the only reason we didn’t like it is that Jade is “a woman” who “has sex”.

Likewise completely uncritically, they made Gamzee, an anti-black stereotype, enter a relationship with Jane, a fascist, and then made the entire thing into a cuck joke wherein Jake being frequently drunk and sexually assaulted was funny because he wasn’t “man enough”. They then forced him to go back to his abuser after he left her in a scene that read very much like, “ridiculous man thinks woman is abusing him, go back and do your manly job”. 

This, of course, doesn’t even go into the travesty that is any form of trans representation in the comic. Roxy, a trans man, is barely even focused on as trans; they make no attempt to enforce in the fandom that he’s a trans man the way they do that June is a trans woman, and even then, they seem to think that just saying someone is a trans woman is actually good representation. Not, like, bringing it into the comic - just saying that it’s a thing. And of course, that’s not even going into the completely uncritical lense they have of Vriska, wherein her being a trans woman completely frees her of any and all blame for the past abuses she has comitted, and once again she becomes an amazing character to save the day without a single flaw - which in turn inherently associates trans women with abuse apologism, abusers, and the ideology that just because we’re trans we can get away with anything scott free. 

I honestly cannot think of one instance of good and genuine representation in Homesuck^2, nor can I think of any scene where negative content was actually treated as the negative thing it actually is. There’s no critical lense at all, not like we have in Homestuck; there’s just no fucking comparison. And this isn’t a one-off situation, either. Whereas Homestuck does do fuck ups - isn’t perfect - in between the otherwise brilliant content, Homestuck^2 is just founded upon these horrific takes. There’s almost no good content in between, and what is left is a slog to get through when surrounded by the thick slurry of shit that compromises futa Jade, abuse apologism Vriska, and victim blaming Jake. 

Of course, we didn’t “doxx” Hussie. Hussie actually listened to our complaints, for the most part, and worked with us to create something that worked well. The way Homestuck^2 was touted to work. You know, since it was meant to be written with the fandom in mind, influenced by the things we suggest and react to. We went into Homestuck^2 with the explicit idea that we were going to be listened to and taken into consideration when it was being written - the way we were with old Homestuck. I’m very sorry to say that, when you make these expectations, people are going to be a titchy bit upset when you then commandeer the entire thing and exclude the fandom from any of the process that you said they were going to be part of.

Additionally, it’s rather funny, isn’t it, that what you call doxxing is actually just people upset with how triggering content is being handled, and going to the people who actually wrote the content in order to voice their complaints? It’s almost as if social media exists to allow this communication between reader and author, which is a fundamental thing you’ll learn in any creative writing course, such as the one I’m on currently, wherein you’re actually taught how to respond to social media and to build up your image with your fans. 

Homestuck^2 is an ongoing piece of media. We’re well aware that we have a potential to change these uncritical takes and the horrific way they’re being handled if the writers will just listen to genuine criticism. This is, frankly, no different to the people who go to J. K. Rowling’s Twitter to tell her how harmful her transphobic comments are; because if she believes these things, they will work their way into her texts and will perpetuate harmful ideologies. 

The literal same thing is happening in Homestuck^2 - again, such as futa Jade, which normalises the point of view that bisexuals are cheaters and completely trivialises what it means to be trans, or Gamzee, which perpetuates just about every anti-black stereotype possible. Media does have a very powerful impact on what people see in the real world. This is why, for instance, positive black characters are so important in media; if they’re always portrayed as villains, then people will see real world black people as villains as the ideology is perpetuated to the point of fact. This is especially true if the people already believe in the ideology.

Fiction is one of the best ways that we can counteract this cycle. If you make a character that they like, and they happen to be positive representation, and then they watch more media that is likewise positive representation, it’s more likely to stick that these positive representations are the actual experiences of minority groups. Also? It’s important TO those minority groups. A black person, especially right now, doesn’t want to see an anti-black stereotype fuck a fascist, engage in sexual assult, and then enact pedophilia - only to die at the hands of a hero and be laughed at for the death. Surprisingly, shit like this is why we need to tell the writers that what they’re doing is harmful, that they’re perpetuating phobic ideologies, and that we need better representation - especially in a comic that is this widely read, and also has a very large minor fanbase. 

I shouldn’t need to explain why exposing minors to anti-black stereotypes, transphobic, homophobic, biphobic, abuse apologism, victim blaming, and the trivialisation of rape and sexual assault (especially towards men), might be a federal fucking issue. 

So, no, we’re not actually cyberbullying LGBT+ people. We’re trying to hold shitty writers accountable for the incredibly toxic and harmful ideologies they’re forcing into a text that has always been written with critical thought in mind. 

I should also point out how funny it is that you’re focusing on how some of the writers are LGBT+ - as if we’re not? I’m trans, I’m gay, and I’m ace. Yes, I can actually be these things and absolutely furious that a trans women is writing some of the most transphobic shit I’ve seen in a while into characters she then claims to be completely free of blame. We can be furious that people within our own community are enforcing negative stereotypes.

Being LGBT+ does not make them free from blame. We cannot give them a free pass to be racist, to be transphobic, to be homophobic, biphobic, to be abuse apologists, just because they’re LGBT+. Not only because that’s just a terrible fucking idea to begin with, but because it also reflects so, so badly on the community as a whole. As if being part of the community instantly means that you can do no wrong? As if there can be no toxicity within our own community, despite the fact that there very much is and it is still an issue to this day?

That is such an issue, one of the biggest issues even shown just in Vriska and the way Kate handles her as a whole - and, once again, is WHY we need to get them looking at this shit more critically. This view that LGBT+ people can do no wrong and cannot be criticised is shoved into Homestuck^2 and, once again, perpetuates the ideology. This isn’t something to be proud of. This isn’t something that’s actually okay.

Also, your point that the writers aren’t nice enough and that we disagree on fictional characters - well, I’ve already been over the second part. But for the first part, I would like to remind you that they aren’t just random LGBT+ people on the internet that we’re going to because we think their takes are a little shitty. They’re actual writers working on a piece of media. They are official content creators. 

Again, one of the first things you learn on any creative writing course is that when you become a writer, you gain a significant amount of responsibility for your interactions with the fandom. This is something that you genuinely have to expect, and if you don’t, then, unfortunately you just don’t know what it means to write something that thousands of people have a potential to read. As a writer, it is your responsibility to portray your image online; it is your responsibility to engage with the fans in a meaningful way; it is your responsibility to not cause drama and to listen when criticism is brought up, to have genuine discussion and not to perpetuate hatred - especially towards your own fanbase.

Consider, for instance, the way I’m talking to you right now. This is the sort of tone that someone should take when talking to a fan about genuine criticism. When things are brought up, you go over them step by step, you listen, you write back - you don’t go on a flurry of “fuck yous” to a minor who asked you why your team didn’t post anything about the BLM movement on the official Twitter, and you definitely don’t respond to every comment with genuine criticism with the word “pigshit”. You almost definitely don’t tell your trans masculine and masculine-aligned nonbinary fans that their opinions don’t matter.

As a writer, Kate and the rest of the team have a responsibility with their interactions with their fans. They aren’t just normal fandom voices anymore; they’re official fandom voices, voices that have more weight behind them than anyone else. They’re who people are going to turn to when it comes to anything regarding Homestuck^2. Their words now reflect literally everything about Homestuck^2, the future of Homestuck as an expanded universe, and the opinions of the group as a whole. They have to be careful with what they say. They have to be held to the same standards as industry voices because that’s essentially what they are - especially now that Homestuck is something you pay for. 

Also, this isn’t a point of the story not going the way I want. This is a point of many of people in the fandom being upset with how content is being handled, upset that their voices are being shut down, upset that triggering content is being laughed at or used flippantly and without care or respect. This is people being upset that trigger warnings were removed specifically to make the comic unsafe for them as a punishment for daring to say that something was wrong. This is people being upset that a piece of media that used to be so fucking good at portraying sensitive content in a critical light, that used to be so good at normalising LGBT+ identities and healthy representations of those identities, has suddenly turned to this. 

The story can go whatever way it wants - and frankly, that’s fine be my. What isn’t fine is that content is being used specifically to hurt and to incite.

And, of course, that final piece; nothing will improve if we don’t say that it’s wrong to begin with. Someone needs to voice the complaints of the fanbase, othrewise these toxic ideologies are going to go unchecked. One of the biggest things I’ve come to understand while making these posts is that a significant portion of the fandom feels isolated in their hurt; they don’t think other people feel the same way they do, and several people have mentioned feeling like they were going crazy because they were upset with things that the text and writers are normalising. It’s so important to make sure that these people know they’re not alone. It’s so important to make sure that our voices are heard. It’s so important to try and create critical discussion and debate over something that so many people still fucking love. 

The thing is, I don’t hate Homestuck^2. I actually really, desperately wish I could enjoy it. I wish I could read through it and theorise, could go in depth about how amazing the characters are, could write long and extensive posts on how creative and engaging it is - could even just go on about how interesting the Meat-Candy divide is, and all the points they’re trying to make about canonicity. But I genuinely fucking can’t. There is just so, so much wrong in the text that is completely unrelated to plot and to the overarching Point that makes it impossible for me to read, to want to read, to try to encourage other people to read. They’re things that literally don’t need to be in there, either; stereotypes and toxic ideologies and uncritical or badly handled sensitive topics that could be rectified so, so easily. 

Homestuck^2 could be amazing for a lot of the fandom. It could be something that we all rally around the same way we did for the original comic. For for a lot of people, it has ruined their fandom experience, has ruined their desire to want to read anything more to do with Homestuck, and has caused a significant portion of the fandom to just drop out entirely. That in and of itself should be a sign that this isn’t just a little fandom drama. That this is something much bigger and much more serious that, just maybe, needs to be looked into, talked about, understood - and, potentially, changed. 

[morethanonepage]

everything divisible by 3

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

hmmm i’m not sure what stands out most for other people but when i read my own fic, the thing i find most genuinely funny is when i slip and throw in some vocab or sentence construction that’s obviously from ~my day job. my absolute favorite example of this is from a sex scene:

(a million years ago, in college, i took a lit class that was like, literature for STEM majors or w/e, looking at books from a more scientific perspective, and we read dr jekyll and mr. hyde and did a whole thing about how Robert Louis Stevenson had studied engineering so a lot of his work has elements of like -- the conservation of matter & the forces required to do something, etc, etc. so i’ve always been a little charmed by the idea that as a ~writer~ certain other aspects of my background show up sometimes, entirely by accident.)

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

Coming up with plots that i then never write.

But yeah in general I’m good at like, plotting out an AU (or even an in-world) fic that could be interesting, and posting about it vaguely, and then doing absolutely nothing with it.

When it comes to things I actually DO write -- idk nothing comes easily but sex scenes are actually much easier (if more embarrassing) for me to actually get on paper (as it were) than almost anything else.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

i have trouble writing characters i just don’t like very much but feel like i have to include for some reason -- like rey is never my favorite character in a star wars fic but as i talked about recently, she’s so important to finn that it feels OOC to write finn and not have her around in some capacity. but i have a hard time getting a read on her/her voice so i uh. sometimes cheat and just have her off stage for most of the fic. 

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

I’m excited to have the massive oft-abandoned finnpoe AU done with! I call it the The West Wing/Bunheads mashup that -- literally no one would ever think of, why does it exist? who knows. But it features some political snarking and some explorations of race and sexuality and rose is really fun in it (imo) and there’s some good leia & poe vibes that aren’t them being like, replacement family for each other (since they still have actual families of their own). and i’m still working through it but there’s also an element of dealing with an issue that i’m still not over, i.e., the fact that leia is so relentlessly and obviously pushing poe into a leadership position when it really doesn’t seem to be what poe wants. 

I’m also vaguely excited for some random johnchas stuff that I keep planning to write based on chastantine anons i’ve gotten -- I really hope those folks are still around and haven’t been scared off by how -- slow I am at writing anything.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

Les Mis lmfao. Like Les Mis fandom is so fucking wild on every front -- so, so wanky -- and i felt like a total outsider the whole time i was in it. there’s some good valvert stuff but for the most part, man, i’m glad to be out of it.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

Oooh tie between the John Constantine/Jake Peralta things (WHY) and the John/Chas/Trenchcoat fic, bc also, WHY.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

Shamefully, it’s still John & Chas. Like I can’t even really say why -- the show is so long ago, none of the new stuff John is in really deals with it, but I just -- i’m love them, your honor!!!

they just idk hit the exact right vibe that i like, to wit: 

1) Friends to lovers

2) Foundational angst

3) Inability to speak of Feelings on both sides (so I don’t have to do the exhausting “Pls talk to me!!!”/”No I SHAN’T” fights)

4) Size difference

5) Unabashed physicality (which ties into...

6) The fact that they don’t talk but have a lot of FEELINGS and at least one of them is really into sex means they theoretically would eff a lot but not talk about it and idk i just enjoy that

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

One shots. I find chaptered works so stressful -- I try to NEVER post anything multichapter without having completed the whole thing (every single time I’ve tried to post something that’s still a WIP, with the assumption that ‘well i know where this is going it’ll be easy enough to get the next chapter up within the week’ i have NEVER succeeded in finishing).

But since I don’t start posting till i’m done, it’s hard to get the motivation to finish, bc I’m not getting the necessary praise and attention that I really bank on to have the motivation to keep going. 

And even when I DO finish, the new stress becomes -- how often should i post chapters? how often should i read & respond to comments? if the comments seem to suggest readers believe something is going on that’s NOT what’s going on, should I tell them? Or should I change the fic according to those comments? Or should I not read ANY comments till it’s done?

Or -- and this is usually how exhausted i am with the whole process -- should I just post the whole 60,000 word fic at once, and leave it at that?

One shots are the best. NONE of those stressors. A nice, solid, 10k word one shot that has some smut and some plot and some angst and some fluff is -- the ideal.

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

Someone once said that john/chas shippers were lucky to have me in the fandom and i just about cried. 

also:

In general I just get such lovely comments -- someone once said one of my john/chas fics felt like “something that would’ve happened on the show” (god bless them, bc it did not, but isn’t it pretty to think so), and one time someone was surprised at how few kudos a finnpoe fic of mine had bc they’d liked it so much. that sort of thing always makes my day.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

i’m all about the (un)happy medium -- a bittersweet moment of fluff that acknowledges the inherent/unavoidable angst of existence. but i don’t like to write characters actively suffering in very -- in your face ways. i like inner turmoil that is repressed/ignored and is always just about to be unleashed (but usually isn’t).

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

i mean i feel bad for always complaining about how hard writing is for me -- like, the privilege of being able to write at all is very real, so for me to bitch that it requires effort seems a bit douchey. but writing is genuinely very rough going for me, partly because i’m always kind of embarrassed about it, partly bc given how hard i am on other people’s writing, i’m in some ways EVEN HARDER on my own. but for all that whining i do -- get genuine joy out of completing a fic, and having it be enjoyed by others. i really am so glad to bring -- any kind of moment of happiness (or, if the fic calls for it, sadness or melancholy) to others. 

[vaguely-concerned]

Some more mass effect andromeda thinky thoughts as I run around heleus getting some achievements! 

- the murderous angaran ai is genuinely so fucking funny. “How are you feeling here on Aya?” “I hope you die” “Is there anything we could do to make you more comfortable?” “BURY THIS PLANET UNDER FIRE AND ASH” “o.oookay. Goodbye then.” “I HATE you.”

- I hope I never become irresistibly moved to write mass effect andromeda fic b/c there really is no other description for a good 70% of the expressions reyes makes than :> and how could one capture that in words

- as mentioned I’ve been doing a bit of achievement hunting and in the process I’ve been switching up a lot of gameplay stuff from how I handled it the first few times around and let me tell you it’s baller as fuuuuuuuuuck -- it just looks so awesome and is so satisfying between the maneuverability of the jetpack and biotic charge and the effects. special shoutout to what happens if you biotic charge a frozen victim enemy and the biotic pull/push combination. (throwing people around like ragdolls is actually so much fun I’ve kept doing it even after I unlocked the achievement lol)

- lol lol when you get meridian online there’s the montage of every planet coming back to life, right? well the one on kadara is from inside kralla’s song, with umi looking out at everything that’s happening. and all I can imagine is her jaded-ass voice going ‘what the fUCK did that asshole kid do now I only just cleaned up after the bar brawl he started with his krogan grandpa and now he’s rearranging the entire fucking planet right from under us goddess I need a drink’ 

- the implication that reyes ‘cards so close to my chest you won’t even know I’m playing’ vidal just does not shut up about how amazing ryder is to anyone who’ll listen gives me so much life. when you try to be mysterious and laidback but the human pathfinder is so fucking cute tho Y____Y (also go watch his scenes if you’re being standoffish with him the entire time -- he clearly wants ryder to like him so much right from the beginning, he’s doing so much work to no avail and I feel sort of bad for how funny I find it haha. interesting that it really does seem to be an emotional thing as well as y’know the practical/tactical benefits of having the pathfinder on his side. methinks the charlatan might be a bit lonely there behind all his masks lol) 

I think this is why I’m willing to give him some benefit of the doubt too, despite all the cloak and dagger stuff -- he’s so immediately drawn to ryder, who you can never make a bad person, really. something in him must respond to that, if potentially only in the ‘attracted to traits I do not possess myself’ way hahaha

- I love sam. so so much. some of the open world implementation is still grating (yes sam. yes I know I can mine this area for resources through my mining interface. we’ve been doing this for a hundred hours sam. you’ve been right here with me the entire time sam. please sam), but he’s SUCH a good and I’d argue underutilized concept (emotionally at least) and the best boy. the fact that he can get SARCASTIC on you fsdhfjsadh he’s growing and learning! he’s doing so from inside your brain which is kind of unsettling but also SO COOL! there’s something about that level of intimacy, of always knowing there will be someone there with you in your head that is super interesting and deserves to be examined more fully -- both how it could be comforting and how it’s  r e a l l y  not how people or ai are generally designed to work lol. 

he also gives us a unique link with our dad and I wonder if the writers would have explored that in more depth if there’d been more development time -- it practically SCREAMS out an invitation to get to play/see things from alec’s POV in short bursts, like the memories you unlock except you could go through playing it as him since sam is common to both of us. (see my ‘our dad comes back through either kett or remnant nonsense in the sequel and we need to find some way to connect with him’ idea. it would be. amazing. listen alec already looked at the ethical guidelines involved in creating ai and went ‘huh interesting ideas but not for me thanks!’, don’t tell me he wouldn’t have left some loophole in so this could happen)  

- reyes literally says ‘the cavalry’s here’ when we get to meridian and I for one love him more than words can express (he also asks us if we’re okay in sort of a sweet/worried way right before we get to the control room. aw buddy) 

- like we don’t think of them like that because we’re in control of them and see all the stumbles and awkwardness and how young they are all the time, but damn the ryder twins must look like something else to everyone in andromeda haha. they literally stride around like demigods restoring entire planets. on voeld spring non-metaphorically follows in their footsteps. shit dude if we’re talking realpolitik here the angara must feel  p r e t t y nervous about this -- there’s no one saying they can’t turn off the vaults as easily as they turned them on. I hope we get them somehow teaching the angara how to do it too, on a smaller scale at least, as a show of good faith or something in a sequel, because that power imbalance is disconcerting  

- I’m glad sam and I have such similar priorities whenever we’re on kadara. ‘maybe mr vidal would know. perhaps we should ask mr vidal about this. mr vidal said something relating to this pathfinder maybe we should speak to him’ . yeah sam i know the feeling, same (it does undeniably read as sam having a bit of a crush which is. hilarious?) 

- the fact that alec ryder thought ellen responded to his bad boy act in any way when what really charmed her was that he was a great big nerd <3 it’s kind of nice to see a fictional marriage that seems to have just been. nice and stable and chill? just two intellectual equals who like and respect each other very much and not a lot of drama until alec went full alec and started developing rogue ai instead of watching his wife die lol. again I would love for the sequel to involve ellen finally waking up and being like ‘death? trying to claim MY husband? I do not think so, I can die he can’t he’s not leaving me behind’ and helping out and you realize that the reason they were soulmates was that under the relatively rational and unemotional surface they’re both, at heart, batshit crazy mad scientists who are insanely devoted to each other. imagine it tho! the people of andromeda realize alec ryder is back from the dead somehow and doing some Shit out there, they put a ton of resources into curing ellen’s disease because their best shot is something to do with the implants she made, hey presto we’ve got all ryders on the board and in play. 

- just want to make it clear that I’m still sad about avitus rix and hope he’s having a good day

- do you think ryder ever asks sam to read something to him ‘aloud’ in his head if he’s anxious and can’t sleep. or just to talk at him about something boring until he nods off. again the possibilities inherent in the concept!!! he has someone who’s closer to him than any other person could be, what’s that like? 

- *me sticking to my sidewinder pistol the whole playthrough even though it’s laughably inefficient* I just wanna feel like a cowboy bioware please work with me here

- the male ryder voice actor has such amazing comedic timing, there’s a lot of reaction stuff out in the field he absolutely nails. I enjoy the female voice too and I like how much emotion she manages to convey towards the end of the game especially, but there’s a casual comedy in male ryder’s voice that can’t be beat. (well, it’s not hawke levels, but then nothing ever is, that’s too much to ask)

- I love vorn and kesh so much. nerd krogans unite & make out

- I still want to sit peebee down and have a long serious talk with her about emotional abuse, maybe give her a hug :( fuck kalinda 

- this game does not get enough credit for how stunningly beautiful it is, it all got buried under criticism about the animations and it’s a fucking shame. the last few vaults you go through are just mindboggling in scale and visual uh striking-ness. it makes me so sad to think there won’t be any more of it D: 

- I really like this mainly casual + logical dialogue options ryder I’ve found; it makes him sound like a younger and more irreverent version of his father, but also softer and less closed off and much more willing to show affection for his family especially. 

- i wonder if different people’s individual SAMs will take on a certain tone/unique pattern when they’ve coexisted long enough. have I mentioned. how much I want a sequel to this game 

- one last reyes note because don’t look at me okay -- I wonder how much we’re meant to read into ‘being honorable never got me anywhere’. on the one hand I’m fully prepared to believe he’s never even tried doing anything the honorable way in his entire life lol but on the other there’s also some interesting potential in the interplay of that sentence and ‘to be someone’. (there seems to be a deep fear in him both of powerlessness and of being truly seen/recognized -- he equates secrecy with safety pretty explicitly -- which seems... telling? of what I don’t know but telling all the same hahaha) like he might be saying he’s tried doing things the ‘right’ way and it didn’t work and the price was too high, so he just went for this instead with the ends low-key justifying the means. hmmm. :Ia (this is what happens when I get Attached to a character with like an hour of screentime my friends, and I’m already primed to give my entire heart away at the sound of nicholas boulton’s voice)

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 3x04-- The One With Lucca Becoming a Meme

Under the cut! 3x05 coming... sometime. 

The One with Lucca Becoming a Meme is one of the most complex, layered, reflective, and thoughtful episodes this show’s ever done… and I don’t think I’ll have that much to say about it. Sure, there’s a lot to think about, but I don’t have answers-- and I don’t have much to add to the conversation that hasn’t already been said. I don’t think my perspective on most of the issues this episode raises is going to be very interesting!

It’s still storming in Chicago. TONE SETTING!

Maia’s in with the partners, explaining her actions and her arrest. The charges are under review. Maia denies having a drug problem (she sounds surprised Julius would even ask) and says the drugs were “foisted upon me by Roland Blum.” “Foisted, but not planted,” a partner points out. Maia doesn’t try to argue the point, which leads me to believe that after Blum gave her drugs and warned her that if she turned on him, he would have the police search her car, she decided to knowingly piss him off and kept the illegal drugs in her car. Maybe she doesn’t have a drug problem but my goodness that’s a big common sense problem.

She says she accepted the drugs from Blum because “the standard playbook goes out the window.” Fair. Why’d she keep ‘em, though?

Speaking of things going through windows, the next subject is the laptop Maia threw! Adrian admits that everyone loses their temper sometimes. Maia, interrupting, insists she didn’t lose her temper. Yes. The way to show you didn’t lose your temper is to not even let a name partner finish his sentence in defense of you. Also, I feel like she DID lose her temper in that scene. “I had to let him know I wasn’t intimidated,” she explains.

“There may be better ways of doing that,” Diane chimes in. Maia agrees, and so do I. Maia breaking that window may show she’s unpredictable, but it also shows a lack of self-control and ability to direct her anger. Maybe to Blum it shows that she’s not intimidated, but to me it shows that she so badly wants to be seen as a badass that her judgement (along with the standard playbook and that laptop) goes out the window.

Anyway, Maia apologizes for breaking company property and offers to pay to replace it-- the right, mature move.

After Maia leaves the room, the partners are divided on what to do. Some want to fire her since they fired someone else for a similar offense (he was using, though) and others think Maia’s charge isn’t as bad so she should be suspended. Shock of all shocks, Diane is in favor of suspension.

Diane points out that Maia doesn’t have any other issues, and Julius mentions her arrest at the end of season 1. That’s not fair. Being privileged enough to believe your foundation is “helping Africa” or whatever is ignorant but it’s not criminal, and that’s really all she was guilty of then.

The partners are going to vote on Maia’s fate in four days. In the meantime, Diane is attempting to bring Liz to what I can no longer call the #WhiteLadyResistance.

Diane goes to visit Maia in her newly-windowless office and jokes about closing the door. Wait wait wait, Maia still has that office? Her case is over and SHE BROKE THE OFFICE.

“Am I fucked?” Maia starts off the conversation. “Wow, Maia, all grown up. No, Maia, you are not fucked,” Diane replies. What a professional way to start a conversation.

Maia will have to be drug tested. She sounds surprised.

Maia apologizes to Diane and Diane doesn’t accept it. She says, correctly, “you should’ve had some supervision with Blum.” 100% agree. I said it in an earlier post but I’ll say it again here: this is the only argument I can see for why Maia should keep her job, for why an exception to the drug arrest policy should be made. Maia was not capable of handling this case on her own-- even before Blum showed up I thought she seemed to be doing a bad job-- and it is the partners’ job to be aware of that. Would every associate have accepted the drugs? Highly, highly doubt it. Is it clearly Maia’s fault that she gave into pressure when she had no support or supervision? I don’t think so. If Maia is underperforrming (and I think she is, though it’s not clear whether or not the show thinks she is) then the partners need to understand what projects to staff her on and what projects she can’t handle. There should be a clear process for discussing case strategy, for reporting new developments in a case like working with Blum, or for partners looking out for foreseeable issues like having a co-defendant represented by a deranged addict. A large part of this mess is bad management. That doesn’t excuse Maia’s terrible judgement, but she never should’ve been put in this position.

Maia and Diane have no clue what’s up with Julius and Marissa. What’s happening is that Marissa’s giving Julius good advice. That’s about it; don’t have much else to say except that I laughed at Marissa saying “twelve kids” when she knows he has six.

#WhiteLadyResistance now has at least two black women in it, so I’m going to just have to call it #Resistance. I could still call it #LadyResistance but I don’t think that works. Anyway, does anyone find it odd that Diane is totally on board with a group assembled by a con artist? I guess she did fall for it too…

#Resistance wants to go after Not!TaylorSwift, who just so happens to be a client of RBL.

Without Diane’s presence, #Resistance went through her client list. Does that mean she turned over her client list to this group!?

Maia phones Lucca (who is off of work) to ask about her drug test troubles. She wants to know about false positives in drug tests. She just expects Lucca to have the answers (and Lucca does, because Lucca’s great).

An obnoxious white lady overhears Lucca discussing drug tests and decides it’s her place to judge Lucca’s skills as a nanny (it doesn’t occur to her that Lucca could be Joseph’s mother). This lady is terrible: she can’t take a joke (and Lucca makes some really funny ones in this scene!) or even consider for a second she could be wrong.

Obnoxious white lady calls the police on Lucca because Lucca… exists. Awful and, sadly, realistic. I’m glad TGF took on this plotline.

Credits!

Republican leadership thinks Julius is a strong candidate but they don’t want him working with Eli Gold’s daughter. Don’t think I have that much to say about this plot. It’s fun that Marissa gets to do her dad’s job, it’s nice that Julius gets a plot of his own, it’s understandable that Marissa thinks Julius is the lesser of two evils if she knows there’s going to be a Republican judge. That’s… all I got.

The next day at work, Lucca begins to get anonymous hate emails. Maia, wearing another one of her strange outfits (this one looks like she’s wearing a blouse under a sweater, except part of the blouse is a scarf and the sleeves of the sweater are too short), comes into Lucca’s office and asks for more advice on drug testing. The internet wasn’t clear, but Lucca is an expert on drug testing apparently.

Maia hears the incessant email notifications Lucca’s getting and reads a few messages. “Woah. Those are the kind of emails I usually get,” Maia replies. This is maybe my favorite Maia line yet? Shows self-awareness and shows that she’s strong enough to deal with the harassment while still reminding the viewer it’s something Maia has to deal with on a daily basis.

Maia drops the pretenses: she actually used Blum’s fentanyl lollipop. She. Tried. It. It was her first time doing drugs, but she still did it. On her own time. Yikes. Idk if I think experimenting with drugs once is enough to warrant firing, but it is highly illegal and… Maia knows that shit’s illegal and addictive as fuck. She also knows that Blum is unstable and should’ve been able to see enough steps ahead (even without his warning) that he could accuse her of being an addict.

How the HELL did Maia manage to delay a drug test? If drugs can leave your system and she’s given warning of a test, then of course more time is better for her. They would test her immediately if they tested her at all.

Lucca answers a call and gets sworn at. She answers a second call and it’s the Washington Post asking for a comment on the Mothering While Black video. Seems that someone (many someones) recorded Obnoxious Lady confronting Lucca and it’s gone viral.

“Congratulations, you’re a meme,” Marissa informs Lucca. Is that what a meme is? Just anything that goes viral? That is not how I use that word.

Everyone at the firm is watching the video. Diane and Liz only look up from the video to follow Not!TaylorSwift into Adrian’s office. She’s been photoshopped into looking like a tiki torch Nazi and she’s not happy about it. But she refuses to denounce Nazis because that’s too political. Get the fuck outta here!

How the FUCK did she write a song about Carl Reddick that got mistaken for a KKK anthem???? I want to read the lyrics.

NotTaylor and her manager are idiots who think suing her fansite is the way out of this. Diane, Liz, and Adrian immediately point out that this is… ill-advised.

Also the photoshopped pic is coming from #Resistance so why did they really need NotTaylor to be Diane’s client? Everything Diane says to NotTaylor is something that any good lawyer or PR person would say, and I feel like NotTaylor is only Diane’s client to make the plot more engaging and resonant.

Why is NotTaylor even RBL’s client? She wouldn’t likely be based in Chicago and if she’s so big on being apolitical, RBL is a bizarre choice of a firm.

NotTaylor’s speech about music not being political is nonsense, garbage, incorrect, etc. Oh no! Art might be political! To my mind, art is INHERENTLY political.

It’s time for another TGF short, and this one kind of loses me. It’s not really explaining anything and the only people who will understand it are… the ones who don’t need an explainer. Meh. The animation’s fun, as always.

The partners want Lucca to have security (Jay) and Lucca wants to forget this ever happened. As the partners explain their case (with an assist from Marissa), Lucca realizes that all of the black people in the room know the names of the black police brutality victims, and none of the white people know them by name. It’s a good point.

Diane insists it’s not true, but Lucca gives an example and none of the white people can answer. Shows what they actually pay attention to-- all of them would claim to care, but none of them know the names.

One quibble: Laquan McDonald is not the example the writers should’ve gone with here, just because these are lawyers in Chicago who worked at a firm that regularly handles police brutality cases while a police brutality case that drew nationwide attention was in the Chicago courts. They would ALL know his name for that reason alone. (Lucca’s point, of course, still stands.)

Everyone’s shaken by Lucca’s observation, including her friend Marissa. Marissa confronts Lucca and asks “do you think I’m racist?” Really, Marissa? You know better than to say that. Also, yes. You asked that question. So, yeah, a little bit.

“My grandparents went to Selma,” Marissa points out. Stop digging yourself a hole, Marissa. Lucca’s not attacking you personally. Being called out is not the worst thing in the world. If you don’t like that she’s right, then do what Diane does and fucking SAY THEIR NAMES instead of being upset that someone might think you’re racist.

Lucca points out that her white colleagues don’t bother learning the names of black victims and Marissa’s response is to worry that she’s being seen as racist, not to worry that racism exists or that people have died because of the color of their skin. Ugh. I expected better from her. It can’t feel great to be told you’re not as woke as you thought you were but even still.

Diane handles this SUPER well, googling the names of victims and saying them out loud. She, unlike Marissa, understands that Lucca’s right.

Adrian and Liz talk about Lucca’s comment, too. Adrian says he’s “accepted that there’s a certain amount of bias in my life no matter what, and I’m just looking for some everyday kindness and respect.” Liz pushes back, wondering what it means if white colleagues are kind to them in good times but would “break off into their own tribes” in bad times. Adrian’s response is to worry about the racists he can see, not the racists he can’t see.

Lots of highly visible racists are flooding Lucca’s inbox, still. Julius swings by and asks Lucca to talk to a new crop of associates because “they need to hear from a fourth-year.” Is Lucca both a fourth-year associate and the head of matrimonial law? I feel like she doesn’t need the fourth-year title anymore.

Lucca notices-- and comments-- on the racial makeup of the new crop of associates. They’re mostly white.

It’s time for Maia’s drug test, and what does she do? Fake it with Marissa’s help. There’s someone else in the bathroom, another lawyer, and it’s unclear to me if this is to up the stakes and make Maia worry that it’s Jay or if it’s a seed planted for later.

Jay’s driving Lucca home. Lucca still thinks it’s silly; Jay doesn’t. Lucca shares her observation that the new associates are mostly white with Jay. He’s surprised she noticed, which strikes me as odd. First, I was under the impression that Diane, Marissa, and Maia were the only white people employed at the firm, so I feel like just about anyone would take note if a new batch of hires were majority white. Second, Lucca NOTICING doesn’t seem weird or new to me. Lucca VOCALIZING her observation is new.

Then Jay mentions there’s a pay gap. The best offices and salaries go to the new white employees. Jay doesn’t want to say more, but Lucca insists. She asks for the data so she can decide whether or not she’ll help.

The way Jay explains it in this scene makes a lot of sense-- not sense as in it makes sense the white people are making more (that doesn’t make sense, of course) but sense as in it answers my questions. It sounds like it’s only recently that they’ve started hiring lots of white people, and it’s those white people (not ones who were promoted from within the company) getting the best offices and best pay. That’s consistent with what Adrian will say later about the market.

“You fire that bullet, it will start a war,” Jay warns.

#Resistance is-- obviously-- responsible for the alt-right embracing NotTaylor. One member of #Resistance even goes so far as to insult Diane’s skills as a lawyer.

Jay has the salary information for Lucca in the morning. Most incoming senior associates are white, most junior associates are black and have lower pay. Oh, and Marissia got a large raise (large enough that she’s being paid as much as Jay is, even though Jay’s got several more years of experience). Lucca worries Marissa will get dragged into this and tries to back out, but now Jay’s even more pissed.

“Look. This isn’t just about money. This is about value. And I don’t know why my contribution is valued less,” Jay explains. That’s the crucial thing, I think, when discussing salary.

“It’s not. And it would be good to not attach it to individuals,” Lucca suggests. How can she know that, though? I know she just wants Jay to stop, but it’s a valid point. Is Marissa outpacing Jay? And if not, why is she making more money? (Just to note: I think that if Marissa is doing better, faster work than Jay, she absolutely should make as much/more than him, as long as he’s making enough to live comfortably on and her work is better even after you control for stuff like Marissa getting more assignments from white associates.)

Frank Landau comes to scream at Marissa. I wish it were Eli, but he’s in Albania.

Anyway, Marissa explains why she’s helping Julius, and it’s for very pragmatic reasons: the seat’s going to go red no matter what, and she’d rather it be Julius’s than a “creepy drunk frat boy.” Fair.

NotTaylor comes back and, shocker, suing her own fansite was a bad idea. Now she wants to issue a statement… about “love.” And unity. It’s… nah.

Jay goes to just Adrian and Liz about his salary concerns.

“It’s a mistake to equate salary with value,” Liz explains. Is it, though? Especially when it’s relative to another employee doing the same job? How else are you going to figure out how much you’re valued? And if you’re so valued, why aren’t you making more money? You’re valued, just not enough to be paid more.

Adrian says the partners won’t discuss financial decisions. Feel like there’s probably a better policy than that, but I see why they wouldn’t want to open that can of worms. Like, being aggressive towards an employee who somehow got his hands on confidential salary information is… not a good look.

Jay asks if it’s because Marissa’s white and Adrian swears at him. Adrian, you’re a name partner, YOU FUCKING KNOW BETTER.

Liz wants to know why they’re paying Marissa as much as Jay. Adrian says Julius suggested giving Marissa a nice raise last week. I hope he’s also paying her independently for her consultation because it would be really horrible of him to get his company to pay her more for work she’s doing just for him… (It sounds like this could be in addition to the consultations she’s doing; he’s just seen how much value she adds for the company.)

“This company keeps working because we don’t look at certain things, we don’t pick at certain scabs. We pay people more who we think we’re losing, we pay people less who we know are not going anywhere. Nothing to do with Marissa. It’s capitalism, Liz,” Adrian explains to his fellow managing partner. Liz understands this, but she also understands that (much like “pure meritocracy”) this idea in practice is often racist.

She, I would assume correctly, points out that the white people are more likely to leave their firm than the black people. “Hell yeah,” Adrian agrees. “What, you thought I’d say no? The ugly truth, Liz: Women are valued less than men because we think the men can leave us for better paying jobs. And black people are valued less than white people because we think the white people can leave us for better paying jobs. I hate it. But that’s the reality and that’s what I have to deal with. If we don’t keep this place afloat, no one survives.” I don’t manage a business and I have no idea what RBL’s margins are, but I buy this as an explanation-- not an excuse.

If RBL valued paying employees equal pay for equal work even if that meant having smaller offices or less pay for themselves or fewer employees, I’m sure they could find some compromise that would allow them to be equitable and profitable. Or, at least, they could strive to find one. Just saying, “but capitalism!” isn’t as much of an excuse as Adrian thinks it is. He’s just reinforcing the system.

Even though Adrian’s decided he’s the only partner responsible for planning for his firm’s future (seriously though, why is he always explaining his strategies to Liz and Diane), I don’t mean to say he alone should be working to end the pay gap. All I’m saying is that if everyone accepts that the system is the system and doesn’t work to change it, the system’s going to stay in place longer. If Adrian declines to take advantage of the opportunity he has to make a change, I’m not going to drag him for it-- he has many competing priorities and it’s gotta be very hard to balance the budget when you pay more than the market rate but can get away with paying less. But I certainly am going to say that Adrian is CHOOSING to reinforce the system. He has his reasons, but he has enough power that he could at least TRY not to be part of the problem.

(Also it seems like Adrian is actively hiring white associates for more $$, thus reinforcing the idea that they are worth more and have options.)

Liz points out that while she understands where he’s coming from, if this gets out, people are going to be angry. She’s right.

Jay, in fact, is angry and he’s sending the salary information to the rest of the firm so they can be angry too. Lucca warns him against it, but he knows he’s starting a war.

Julius insists on having Marissa as his campaign manager, which is a terrible idea I’m certain Marissa would’ve advised against. His meeting doesn’t go well.

Man do I wish we could see the salary information for any of the main characters, particularly Maia. I’d like to know how she compares to the other third-years.

Jay joins a group of black associates in a conference room. Everyone takes turns expressing their concerns over the types of cases the firm’s taking (more ChumHum, less police brutality), Maia getting an office, white associates choosing Marissa over Jay, etc.

Maia cluelessly interrupts this meeting, looking for Marissa. Not a good look.

NotTaylor is back. Now the alt-right is going after her trans sister and NotTaylor is in tears. And she’s ready to denounce the alt-right.

Liz and Diane confront #Resistance about it and #Resistance eagerly claims responsibility. Duh. Diane acts stunned they’d be willing to hurt someone for political gain, completely forgetting that she sicced the press on Tara in hopes of destroying 45 just weeks ago.

“Salaries are driven by seniority, Lucca,” Adrian explains in a meeting about salary concerns. First, his tone is going to solve nothing. Second, what does this mean? That if a white associate comes in as a fourth-year he’ll make the same as Lucca, even though Lucca’s a fourth-year good enough to run a department? Seems wrong.

Another big complaint: Maia’s new office and her drug arrest. Everyone except Adrian thinks it’s about race. Maia is absolutely getting the benefit of the doubt a black associate would never get, regardless of whether or not her offense was actually lesser than Alan North (the last associate fired for drug use). After all, for all we know, he could’ve used drugs once and gotten caught too.

Diane isn’t as hypocritical as I made her out to be above. She and Liz both decide to stick with #Resistance because it’s effective.

WHY IS THE SCENE WHERE THE PARTNERS DECIDE MAIA’S FATE SHOT ON SHAKYCAM, THIS IS A BAD CHOICE. (This director is the one I complained about in 621 and he otherwise did a fine job with this episode, but the shaky cam is really bad.)

Diane really tries to defend Maia, but it doesn’t work: the pay gap controversy tips the votes against Maia (Liz is the deciding vote), and she’s fired.

I wrote a post earlier this week about whether or not I think firing Maia is justified, so I won’t write it out again, but to summarize my thoughts in one word: Yes.

There’s a song by The Wild Reeds playing over the scene where Diane tells Maia she’s been fired and I am very proud of myself for recognizing the artist.

Lucca watches through the window-wall as Diane delivers the news to Maia. You know what this (and, tbh, every?) episode could’ve used more of? LUCCA! QUINN! One the pay gap war starts, we don’t hear about the viral video again, and we should’ve. The experience made Lucca more interested in taking a stand at work… anything else? Is that it?

I like that we get to see Diane walk into Maia’s office, greet her, and deliver the news. It would’ve been easy to just imply it, but it adds a lot to see the firing actually take place. It’s clear how hard this is on Diane-- Maia is her goddaughter, after all-- and showing the whole sequence makes Maia’s firing feel more consequential.

Also, THERE WAS NO ROLAND BLUM THIS EPISODE AND FOR THAT I AM GRATEFUL.

[doubled-helix]

book thoughts: the hearts we sold (spoilers)

the hearts we sold, emily lloyd-jones

(disclaimer: all of this is my opinion because i decided it’s better for my own writing to reflect upon books i read (thanks college profs). in fact, i’m not even putting it in the main tags so no one should be reading this except future me anyways)

overarching conflict: all books should have one of these. usually it’s to defeat the big bad, which doesn’t quite fit this novel since there wasn’t one defined big bad. i mean, there were the burrowers, which were pretty creepy, but i’m personally fond of the classic puppetmaster villain, who pulls the strings and monologues and bemoans the state of the world or whatnot. think the mage in carry on or luke/kronos in the pjo series. call me old-fashioned. 

my prof told us that books, especially sci-fi/fantasy ones, should have a looming threat that’s constantly hanging over the heroes even as they defeat or are defeated by many smaller threats. like harry facing quirrel, tom riddle/the basilisk, the dementors/sirius black/peter pettigrew (the “one true baddie” was a bit more vague in thisone) - all the while knowing that voldemort’s the final boss. 

in this book, i guess you could say the final big void was the ultimate baddie, but considering neither our main gal nor us knew about this until three quarters of the way through the book, it wasn’t exactly a looming threat, even as the characters did close many smaller voids (the in-between threats books have - the ones between the exposition and climax). i say a bit more about this later, but i think the lack of a dominant big bad may be one of the reasons the book felt stagnant for a good portion of the first half. this, combined with the lack of strong motive dee had - well. it certainly slowed things down. 

things that didn’t work: 1. the “team”: i’m a sucker for a tight-knit group of people who’d kill to protect each other, who poke fun and laugh and joke around à la avatar the last airbender. i’m even more of a sucker for found families, also like avatar the last airbender. but this book’s “team” absolutely did not work for me, and the most probable cause i can think of is that the author just didn’t let us spend enough time with them. 

the main dude james had been with cal and cora for almost two years, and i got none of that from the way he talked about them. in fact, main gal dee actually says that she’s glad james and her have a closer bond than the other two - which, sure, romance, i get it, but if you want to make a dream team you can’t throw half of its members into the wind. 

when cal died, that evoked nothing in me as a reader because i cared about him as much as dee did, and she maybe shared 20 lines total with the guy. similarly, she barely interacted with cora, who was supposed to be the leader, but other than the author telling us that she was the “leader,” there was nothing showing her fulfilling that role. i absolutely hate saying this because it’s the most cliche advice one can offer but “show not tell.” if you want to show a fall from grace, from cool and collected cora to frantic and panicking cora, you gotta show us the grace first. 

riley: don’t get me wrong, i fucking love riley, but she didn’t show up until 70% of the way through the book. and there was a sort of insta-friendship between her, james, and dee. at one point towards the end, she says something like “if we die tonight, i’m glad i met you two” which would be very nice if they hadn’t met 20 pages ago. (i feel like i should note, a few weeks did pass world-wise, but that really doesn’t do much for the reader, who didn’t get to feel any of that time)

it would have been fantastic to have riley with us from the very beginning. her relationship with james and dee felt like it actually had the potential to blossom into that dream team/found family thing. cal and cora felt like they had their own separate lives, which is fantastic in reality because no one should spend all their time with a single group of people, but the thing about stories in my experience is that to be effective, everything - every interaction or desire or situation - should be Too Much. 

also, riley seemed a little too cool with everything that was happening. it took dee at least a few weeks to accept the whole voids and homunculus and world-ending thing, but riley was like “fantastic, let’s do this, i can blow things up” which was a bit sudden. 

cora: i mentioned already how she was the “leader” but didn’t really do anything to show that, but also - i felt like we were supposed to feel sorry for her, or at least understand her motives, but i got absolutely none of that. she killed cal, who i didn’t feel much for, but it was still fairly unforgivable, and she never had an act of redemption. i’ll talk about this later, but i feel like james’s sacrifice at the end should have been hers. she wanted “everyone to live,” that was her motive. sacrificing herself would have been the loop to close her character arc, instead of her just dropping out of the story completely. and speaking of motive...

2. the motive: oh boy, i don’t even think i have authority to talk about this because “motive” is a biggie. they have entire writing courses dedicated to character motives. i read a post a while back that said something to the like of “every character should want something and should want it to the point of obsession.” 

going on my avatar the last airbender comparison (that show’s story is literally my baseline for everything else i read or watch), every character in that show wants something desperately. aang’s is easy - he wants to learn the other three elements and save the world. katara, at least in the first season, is completely focused on mastering waterbending. zuko - capture the avatar, regain his honor (and this one’s definitely an obsession). my point is, if your characters don’t want something desperately, there is no story.

now applying that to this story is a bit tricky because the premise is that these people did want something strongly, strong enough to sell their hearts for it. dee wanted money for boarding school, wanted to get out of her awful home situation. and the daemon gives it to her - the first thing, at least. and then for at least 100 pages, it was like she was just being pulled along with anything that happened, without any intense desire of her own. i felt this most strongly when she was out collecting rocks with james. i understand it was a bonding scene, etc. but goddamn. rocks? it just felt a bit shoehorned in, like there needed to be a good reason for the two to start hanging out that was at least semi-work related.

for a moment, i thought dee’s motive would become trying to break out of the deal, to join cora and end it all - it certainly seemed like she was freaked out enough to do it. but something magical healing romance-esque happened and afterwards, she seemed cool with accepting that she had no other choice. i understand she wasn’t a voluntary hero, but it still feels a bit stale when the savior of humankind is doing it not even to save her own skin or that of her friends, but out of sheer obligation. (however, i will give it to her, there was a nice little scene on the bus towards the end where dee was people-watching, and the part at the very end where she said that she did believe that people were inherently good, what a great development from beginning of the book dee)

things that kinda worked 1. the romance: okay, i understand that “kinda worked” doesn’t sound like the most glowing review for a romance, but from me, it’s practically a declaration of adoration. more often than not, romance in young adult novels just do not work for me, whether because it’s instalove or some love triangle’s at play or the  premise is just problematic. but this one? ehhh, i can’t say i hate it.

james, thank god, is not the dark, angsty, “why are you even speaking to me” male love interest (four, i’m describing four from divergent) that i feel like i see too much. he’s funny, a bit dorky, super big on consent, and basically a sweetheart. the author obviously took some care in building up their relationship a bit before taking it to a romance - though in the process, i think she had to give up a lot of development dee could have had with cora and cal. 

their little fairy tale research road trip was actually one of my favorite parts of the book (i’ll talk about this more later). i did, however, groan every time dee became hyperfocused about the oh-so-scandalous fact of being in a car with a boy, sleeping in the same hotel room as a boy, blah blah with a boy. and i facepalmed quite a bit at the extended hesitancy dee had about calling james her boyfriend. i understand why she hesitated (trust issues, negative body image), but it doesn’t mean i have to like it. which leads me to this next thing.

2. character’s response to abuse: let me preface this by saying that i absolutely despise child abuse as a plot device. this is a personal opinion,  i’m not going to get on any high horse and preach about moral quandaries. 90% of the time, i just don’t like it. a lot of this is because i feel most of the time, the character never gets to confront their abuse - never gets the chance to recognize “oh, what happened to me wasn’t right, and a lot of the negative thoughts i have about myself stem from this abuse, and i should not let it define me.” and more often than i like in ya novels, especially for female victims of child abuse, it’s their male love interest who runs in and beats up their abuser/yells at them about how they were a horrible person, which really doesn’t grant the victim any catharsis at all, and i hate how often that is portrayed as “romantic” or a good way to deal with abusers. 

this book, well. let me just say that dee finally standing up to her father about his alcoholism and telling her parents that when THEY finally decided to change, they knew where to find her - that was some good shit. there was a bit when james came running in that i covered my face and went “oh no, here it goes” but to my pleasant surprise, all he did was support dee and didn’t try to insert himself into the situation at all, which was, you know, fantastic. and gremma casually pulling a fire ax out of her purse in front of dee’s parents? lesbian solidarity.

the thing i disliked the most would have to be dee’s image of herself due to the abuse. i understand you don’t need to overcome trauma solo, but i do wish that she could have realized that she didn’t need to be thin or that she wasn’t broken without james telling her so. also, there was that one line where she tried to minimize her abuse - which i know is a common thing for victims of abuse but once again, i don’t have to like it - and james had to talk her out of it that made me groan. i just generally dont think dealing with the effects of abuse should be anywhere near romance, let alone hand in hand like so many books like to treat it. 

3. the sacrifice: i pride myself on not being easily surprised by books anymore, but i did not expect james to die. and i definitely felt something when that package of harry potter books and dee’s picture and the ct scan of the brain tumor arrived in the penultimate chapter. and i hate to be that person, but...

james got his heart back before the final void opened. he could have not been there, like cora. which means the daemon would have still needed him. why didn’t he just sell his heart once more in exchange for the daemon removing his tumor? sure, this way, i have no idea how they would have gotten out of the manual timer thing - then again, who knows if they would have been so targeted if james had not been carrying the heart into the void in the first place, but i still think the sacrifice should have belonged to cora, who definitely required some sort of redemption act if we wanted her to matter to the story in any way. it could’ve been a nice scene -  a “i couldn’t save cal but hell if i’m going to let you two die” act of closure. really, i keep going back to my grievance over how utterly insignifigant cal and cora felt to the story, especially compared to riley, who only jumped in near the end. 

things that worked 1. diversity: can i get a fucking hell yeah?? i’m so goddamn happy that more and more ya novels are recognizing that the world isn’t full of beautiful white straight people. our main gal dee is half-latino, we have a badass lesbian lady who carries axes in her purse, a fucking awesome trans girl who blows shit up (the fact that she doesn’t show up until near the end is a travesty), and our latter two ladies have a cute as hell romance that i wish we saw more of. side character romance is always more awesome because it doesn’t have the kind of baggage that really kills the vibe of main character romances. 

just - diversity.

2. the research road trip scenes: okay, this is very specific. but i’ve watched far too much supernatural for it to be healthy, and james and dee’s little road trip where they ate bad diner food and spent time at the library reading about old fairy tales and old gods and speculated about angels - i just got such a strong supernatural feeling from it. more specifically, the parts where they have no idea what monster they’re hunting and are flipping through old books to figure it out. it had some really calming good vibes, i loved all the speculation and discussion of how people in the past processed magic. no fancy analysis here, it just really resonated with me. 

final rating: 3 out of 5 stars 

note: it would have been 2.5, but the ending surprising me and making me Feel Things really bumped it up. also, writing this ridiculously long review made me feel more invested and charitable. 

[engazed]

1) Yesterday and the day before yesterday I watched the last two episodes :-) After finished the second one I understood that the creators wanted to show us that the image we have of John was more perfect than the real one, and I really think the final scene was so touching (his confession and the hug). I loved it because of the emotional charge, but my rational side tells me that it does not fit the story because John would never do that so the remorse was a tricky resource.

2) The last episode was darker than usual and it made me wonder if a person really can forget such an important part of his life but I loved how the relationship between Sherlock and John was healing. (and also Mycroft´s development. I am glad we could know him better) To me the ending was perfect because since the first season I have always pictured them living together. Their friendship is so strong that before Rose was born, I think Sherlock was the most important person to John. 

3) And I think that John keeps being the most important person to Sherlock. My favourite season is still the second one, but I love how the characters have grown during the episodes. It saddens me that their story has ended but perhaps it is the best. It is difficult to maintain the quality in a long series. (Forgive my mistakes. English is not my first language). Looking forward to your thoughts :-) I have read all your posts about creativr writing and I have learned a lot :)

Thank you for your patience while I’ve formulated my thoughts. 

The primary objections I have seen regarding John’s extramaritalflirtations/emotional infidelity have come under two categories: (1) For John,whose core characteristic is loyalty,this is out of character; and (2) it makes no sense with the story. Although Ihonestly didn’t like to see John going down that road, I will take exception toboth objections and here argue within the context of the show—not widelyaccepted head canons—that the John Watson of series 4 was not, in fact, ‘out ofcharacter’, but the groundwork for this type of behaviour has beenlaid in previous series. If you cannot manage sympathy for him, it is my hope atleast to engender a little understanding of his very ‘human’ nature, asSherlock calls it. I will also argue that it makes sense within the context ofthe series 4 storyline.

What do we know about John Watson? Where do we get the ideathat he is loyal? This character trait may be inherent, but let’s not pretendthat John is some slathering, obsequious disciple. He’s not. He’s prickly, quickto anger, ready to go for a long walk when Sherlock gets under his skin. Mycroftmay think he’s quick to follow (‘You’re very loyal, very quickly.’), but John’sbrand of loyalty is considered and deliberate, not a default position. In the beginningof his relationship with Sherlock, what does he really stay for? In those earlydays, it’s the danger. The fondness and affection (seldom expressed, we note toour own aggravation) for Sherlock as a partner and flatmate comes later.

But there are two indelible characteristics shown to us in ‘AStudy in Pink’ that we ought not forget. The first is that John is a danger addict.As Mycroft shows both us and John,John misses the war. It’s when John realises this himself, and stares at hisown un-trembling hand, and smirks to himself, that he decides yes, he’s goingto stick by the madman. Sherlock’s life is dangerous, and it’s what he likes. Though that phrase isn’t put to him untilseries 3, it’s evident from the start.

Okay, so he likes danger. What else? He likes romance.He’s high on adrenaline, about to return to Baker Street and continue hisadventure, has just collected his pistol, and what does he do? He makes a playfor Anthea, not once but twice in the episode. So not only is he interested inwomen he perceives as possibly dangerous (she’s working for Sherlock’sarchenemy, of course she’s dangerous!), he’s not shy about flirting with them.

This isn’t a one-off, either. Essentially, it’s in hisplaybook. He’s intrigued by Irene Adler (just look at his face when Mycroftsays dominatrix), although hisannoyance with her quickly overrides any impulse to flirt. And when a strangewoman on the street just outside the flat appears to be flirting with him, hesays he willing to ‘heartlessly abandon’ any other plans to spend the eveningwith her. Just days before, he had broken it off with Janine, and—as Sherlocktactlessly points out—she’s just one of a string of women (probably boringones; he doesn’t pay much attention to them when they’re boring, so it’s nowonder he forgets and confuses the details, and moves on from them all ratherquickly, until Mary). The point is, he likes the attention of women. He likesdanger. He likes dangerous women.

Series 3 went further with this, suggesting that John hassomething of a sixth sense for dangerous women, and that he can’t control hisattraction to them, even if it’s hidden below the surface. Initially, Marypresents herself as innocuous, normal, rather the opposite of what John is actuallyattracted to (only, she isn’t, as his sixth sense picks up on: she’s exactly what he likes). We knowthat John trying to have an uncomplicated life is mostly a coping mechanisms.But he’s not very good at it. He keeps finding himself drawn to the extraordinaryand perilous, as if his subconscious radar knows exactly where to find it,despite himself. It’s how he is drawn to Mary, an ex-assassin, who ‘wasn’tsupposed to be like that’ (one of the most heartbreaking things John eversays).

In marriage, these two key aspects of John’s character (needfor danger and romance) don’t simply melt away. He’s still attracted to dangerouswomen, maybe especially to those whoappear ordinary but have something dangerous simmering beneath, and certainlythose who express an interest in him first. And in the context of the show,there is no woman more dangerous that Eurus. It is entirely keeping in linewith John’s history and character that he should be drawn to her.

Imagine, for a moment, that in T6T, John is not married. Basedon my above argument, I conclude that it is entirely unsurprising that heshould be drawn to the woman on the bus. She’s attractive, she’s paid him attention,and there is an element of danger to her that draws John in, subconsciously atleast. But the thing is, he is married,and he loves Mary. However complicated that love may be, there’s no doubt thathe loves her. He has no desire to be disloyalto her. But John, like all people, is complex, and there are other desires arework. We do not have the same John Watson here as existed in ASIP. Experiencesadd dimensions to a man, layers, complications. What remains true to hischaracter are the first two elements I’ve presented. What has been added arethe relationships he has established with Mary, with Sherlock, with himself.

I’ve been in dialogue with my fellow fic writer and friend,Fang’s Fawn (how’s that for alliteration?), about this very issue, and with herpermission, I quote from her observations on where John sees himself at thestart of series 4 with respect to the two most important people in his life:

Mary and Sherlock bothshow a tendency to marginalize John – quite without meaning to, I’m guessing,because it’s obvious they both adore him, but that scene where John leaves aballoon in his chair, while funny, is really rather sad when one thinks aboutit, if it’s an indication of how he thinks of himself. And then Mary andSherlock comparing him to the dog later…of course, they were teasing him, butwhen your spouse is supposed to be firmly on your side and gangs up on you withyour best pal, well…And then Mary’s tendency to make decisions without evenconsulting John…I get the sense that her character, as portrayed in the show,is rather like Sherlock’s in that she hasn’t had a lot of experience with closerelationships. I feel like she and Sherlock both are clumsy in their affection.John points that out when they catch up to her after she goes on the run. Ithelped restore my faith in him when he broke off the flirtatious texting and itcertainly sounded like he was getting ready to confess to Mary and perhapsinitiate a conversation about how he was feeling when she, tragically, gotcalled away by Sherlock.

I add my own view that John, perhaps feeling a little like hismoment in the sun has passed, is flattered by the attention of the woman on thebus (having no idea that it is not a chance encounter but that she’s, well,hunting him). Perhaps he is surprised to have attracted notice at all. I thinkthis a very human thing to feel, when you’re no longer in the dating scene,when you’re married, newly a parent, knackered every minute of the day. Wait,someone noticed me? She’s giving me her number? Can I still turn heads? Fang’sFawn agrees:

Suppose the woman on thebus hadn’t been Euros, but only what she appeared to be – a nice,ordinary, uncomplicated, and attractive girl who seemed charmingly taken withJohn (and who could blame her, right?). Is it really so far outside the realmthat even a good, loyal, faithful husband would be flattered by such attention?I’m middle-aged myself and very happily married, but I have to admit I’d beflattered if a reasonably attractive man flirted with me on the commuter train – inpart because I feel like I’m past the age where a random stranger would slip mehis phone number, and it would be a boost to my ego to think I’m not. Butgetting an ego boost doesn’t mean I’d dream of cheating on my husband (in fact,I’d probably brag to him about it!).

John knows he shouldn’t keep her number. His first impulseis the right one: to throw it away. But John weakens, keeps the presumablyharmless slip of paper, and sends a presumably harmless text: Hey. Of course, all infidelities startout harmlessly. We don’t throw our necks in a noose; we weave a flaxen cord,thread by thread. It’s a mistake. It’s disappointing. It’s heartbreaking. Thisisn’t the John Watson we want to see.We want him to be above reproach, loyal to a fault, blameless in a sea ofsinners, the victim not the victimiser.

I, too, have set him on a pedestal, denying him his humanity,and humanity means to fuck up, sometimes badly. ‘I fear we all might be human,’Sherlock says. He knows. He’s fucked up quite a lot. John has forgiven him. Heneeds to be willing to forgive himself. Even John Watson is human.

But let’s not imagine, either, that he is a villain. Let usnot forget: he breaks it off. He isn’tcoerced to do so. He isn’t caught and thenbecomes repentant. No one knows, outside of him and the woman, and still he chooses to end a relationship that isnothing but texting, despite his own interest and desire, because he does knowit is wrong. His moral compass is not shattered. For a moment, yes, he lookedaway, stuffed it in his pocket, ignored it. But he looks back, and he does theright thing in the end. And yes, he was going to confess it to Mary, notonly to ease his own conscience but to ease hers as well, for she believed shewas sinner and he saint, and he couldn’t let her believe that. That, in myview, is noble.

And maybe his confession came too late. But it came. And itcame in the presence of perhaps that only person who could really understandand help him. Sherlock knows what it feels like to disappoint people, to betraythem, to hate oneself, to feel worthy of punishment.

I quote at length from Fang’s Fawn, who expounds further onJohn’s emotional state as the third wheel the John-Mary-Sherlock trio:

Mary didn’t really treatJohn very well. We already know she married John under false pretenses, lyingto him from day one about everything, even her own name. When the truth startsto come out, she panics instead of coming clean and tries to cover everythingup. Few things can do more catastrophic damage to a relationship than lying –the breach of trust is hard to get past. John forgives her, but it would benaive to think things weren’t still at least a bit raw during the timeframe ofTST. Then there’s Mary’s relationship with Sherlock. Mary andSherlock seemed like a very close brother and sister to me in TST, similar intheir humor, the way their minds work, and their world views. Having yourspouse and your best friend like each other and get along great is fantastic;having them form a sort of mini-clique, exclude you, and make jokes at yourexpense together is definitely e scene with Toby the dog made me wince– Sherlock calling Mary without telling John because “she’s better atthis than you,” Mary showing up and handing the baby off to John, tellinghim not to wait up, then the whole exchange where they compare John to the dog,saying he’s “handy and loyal,” and wondering if they should “lethim come with us.” Obviously Sherlock and Mary were just teasing John in whatthey clearly thought was an affectionate way and didn’t mean a word of it, butif I were in John’s place I’d find it pretty hurtful and also disloyal…

Then there’s the baby. John confidently introduces her as“Catherine” to Mrs. Hudson, Sherlock and Molly, but Mary immediatelyinterjects with “yeah, we’ve gone off that.” I get the sense thatMary probably wanted to name the baby after herself (her former self?) almostas soon as she learned she was having a daughter, probably as a promise toherself that THIS Rosamund’s life would be better. But instead of talking toJohn about it, she clearly manipulates him into going along with it unawares.Then he figures it out on his own, and now his daughter’s name will serve asone more deception on the part of her mother. Is it any wonder John might look at his crazy, complicated life and thensee what appears to be a simple, smiling, uncomplicated person looking at himand wonder, “what if?”

John’s story arc in series 4 is a hard one to watch; it’s thelowest we’ve ever seen John—morally, emotionally, feeling sorrow and betrayalto a painful extent. But it is also beautiful and redemptive. I personally amhoping for a series 5, maybe a few years down the road, where we can see Johnis a much better place, having healed from all his hurts and having forged ahappy, healthy life with his daughter and best friend. I love John Watson—alwayshave, always will—and this latest series has not diminished that. In fact, themore time I spend analysing the storylines and his character particularly, themore I love him. He’s loving, brave, funny, intelligent, and loyal, perhapseven more so, now that he’s been through the refiner’s fire. Sherlock Holmesgot it right in calling him the kindest, bravest, wisest man he’s ever known.But those kind of people don’t arrive in the world fully formed. The question,really, is how did he become that way? Well, that’s precisely the story we arebeing told.

[sunlitroom]

Gotham - s3e19 - All Will Be Judged

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

Lee and Mario’s very short honeymoon at the cabin from the Godfather II. Mario could have lived a normal life!   Barnes wants to judge Jim.  The court has a virus.  Kathryn orders what must be the 100th hit on Jim Gordon.  Does she get a fabulous prize?  Bruce never left that alley.  Selina is defenestrated again.  Ed just doesn’t shut the fuck up.  Jim and Oswald have a tense conversation in an alley.

As always, long post will be long - reaaally long.  There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot may appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)).  There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism.  Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

Oswald and Ed in matching cages in a Court building.  

Oswald

Oswald turns slowly, rage making the turn of his head jerky.

You're alive

Oswald walks closer, and smiles briefly – before making a grab for Ed through the bars

Ed looks terrified, and lurches backward.  He sounds furious that Oswald dared to survive his punishment.  Oswald grins venomously – Ed gave him something to live for: revenge.

Ed -  being Ed – needs to check he’s real, and smacks his head. Oswald fulminates.

(An aside – this will pretty much set the tone for the rest of their interaction.  It’s virtually all played for comedy – squabbling children who hate each other)

Ed says that Oswald’s habit of survival makes him more cockroach than penguin.  He also tells Oswald:

Don't you dare call me Ed. I am the Riddler.  I became him when I killed you.

It sounds massively silly when he says it here – and I’d pay good money for Oswald to see a hallucination of Fish right now, waving one long fingernail and asking him what the hell he was thinking?

As it is – Oswald rolls his eyes.  He’s not dead, though.  Ed concedes this.  Oswald says he came back from dead to kill Ed – although Ed points out he wound up in prison. Oswald says he has him where he wants him.  Ed hits the bars of his cell - not for long

 Wayne Manor, where an alarm is sounding.  Selina has broken in.  Bruce2 smiles – it might sound strange, but he’s glad she’s alive –Selina says that is strange, but she came here to do one thing.  They brawl – and she calls him a freak – a cheap knock-off – and stabs him, but he won’t bleed.  Alfred tries to split this up as Selina screams that he’s not Bruce – but this temporarily gives Bruce 2 the advantage, and he hits Selina on the head with a poker.

Alfred goes to an unconscious Selina’s side and says they need a doctor.  Seeing Bruce 2’s weird non-bleeding wound – he realises the truth. Bruce2 says that Bruce is serving a greater purpose than himself, as is he.  He says Alfred was always kind to him - even when he thought he wasn't Bruce, and – despite his begging – wallops Alfred over the head.

Bruce is back in Gotham with dreary guru guy. Zzzzzz.

Lee sits dozing in front of a fire on a stormy night.  Mario wakes her.  She tells him she was having the worst dream.  There was a virus loose in city – that brought out the darkness in people, and he had it.  And there was this boring love triangle with Jim and Valerie Vale - and Ed and Oswald were trapped in a tedious ooc storyline totally disengaged from the main plot, and Victor Zsasz was hardly in it at all!  

Mario – though – is only interested in what darkness the virus brought to light in him.  Lee tells him he was jealous of Jim

But I'm taller than he is

(An aside – lol)

Lee continues – right up to Mario’s death on their wedding day.

He reassures here – I’m right here

He tells her to take her medicine and go to bed – voice soothing – before slitting his wrist, draining the blood into a glass.  Lee watches, and then says

I'm so sorry

Mario’s face is the virus face now – and his voice is distorted

I know - now drink

Lee wakes up for real, and knocks her wine glass from the table.

GCPD, where Jim is looking at the court's holdings to identify where the bomb is hidden.  He thinks he’s found a secret room in a secret house.  Harvey wants him to get information from Kathryn -who trusts him.

(An aside – right: I’m fucking mystified by that one.  Harvey thinks Kathryn still trusts Jim?  But...but - the dead talon?  The fact that Jim evacuated the hall where the bomb was detonated – and was seen doing so by several witnesses?  The fact that no-one was infected or hurt in their test detonation?  Why would she still trust Jim?  If anything – she has ample evidence of his treachery.  Has she just not looked yet?)

Harvey snarks a little about Lucius being smarter than him before they head to the secret house.

 At the Court safe house, Harvey grumbles about why these can’t ever be in places he’d like to go, like a brewery, stripjoint, or a casino?

(Another abandoned bike in this room – like outside Jim’s apartment.  Are bikes inherently sinister?)

Harvey lucks out at a control panel and opens a secret door to a room containing a glass owl.  They discover that when the light shines through it – it reveals a map with markers, which they hope denote similar safehouses – which might contain the bomb.

They’re interrupted by smashing glass and a grenade, and......

Oh, dear.  Barnes looks silly as hell

He knocks Harvey and Jim out, and reiterates his promise of punishment.

��Wayne Manor – where Alfred can’t get Jim on the phone.  Selina has related the whole story to him.  He tells her she should see a doctor – but quickly accepts her refusal and says she’s going to going to help him find him.  Selina says she won’t.  Alfred goads her, asking if she’s still angry at Bruce because her mother was a con-artist. He becomes irate – saying that Bruce is a good, loyal friend, and she won't lift a finger.

(An aside - did Alfred not listen very carefully when Selina presumably told him that Bruce 2 pushed her out a window specifically to stop her coming to tell him about Bruce’s abduction and the Court’s plans?)

Selina’s face is sullen

What good will it do me?

He rounds on her.  He tells her that she’s a disgrace, that’s she’s just like her mum – and that she should run away and never come back.

Selina doesn’t look at him as he leaves, her face hard.

(An aside – I know Alfred is panicked, but his lack of any understanding here seems glaring.  Selina would have been dead if not for Ivy. She’s probably hugely traumatised.)

 At the crime scene a very odd witness gives information on the van Barnes escaped in.  Harvey tells officers to look out for that van – and find Jim Gordon.

 Oswald is whittling a blade while Ed critiques it.  They snipe back and forth, Ed demanding that Oswald not call him by name – while Oswald does so repeatedly.  Ed snarls enough – and then calls Oswald pathetic.  At least he got here because he wanted to know who runs the city.  Oswald’s just here because Ed didn’t love him back.  Get over it, he spits.

Oswald acknowledges this – but says that’s not why he here.  He’s here because Ed destroyed his empire and shot him.  No-one does what you did and lives.  

They snipe some more. Ed attempts an escape, Oswald foils it, and then passes out – blissfully smiling at the sight of Ed being beaten by the guards

More of this new age stuff? Locking away pain again.  Bruce is to put his mother’s pearls in the safe – but can’t do it.  Boring guru says it’s time he knows the truth, his truth.

Jim is chained to a chair in an abandoned courtroom.  Barnes and Kathryn are very disappointed parents.  Jim made a fool of them, they had such high hopes.  How can he insult them both by lying to them? Kathryn wants to know who else Jim is working with.  She’s already figured out that Hugo played turncoat, and Harvey is obvious.

Jim sneers – and asks if this is an exit interview.  Kathryn pushes, but Jim reminds her that the Court ordered his father murdered and drove his uncle to suicide – trying to prod justice-obsessed Barnes into action. When it’s not enough – he pushes harder, calling him a lapdog, and telling him he used to stand for something – even still did, despite his lunacy

(An aside – Jim and Barnes had such an interesting relationship – but it’s really hard to fully get at the pathos of that relationship when Barnes is wearing smokey eyeshadow and has an axe on his arm)

Kathryn reiterates that Jim is an enemy of Gotham, and that Gordons were always stubborn.  She also repeats that this is the end – the city will fall – and leaves

Barnes sits at the bench and spouts the appropriate legal talk.  Jim’s trial will begin.

 Arkham, where Lee is visiting Jervis.  Jervis delivers an appropriately creepy and unpleasant rhyme, and waits for her to talk – with some glee – pointing out her tired appearance.  She wants to talk to him about something that seems funny to her – and Jervis does love funny things.  

She tells him that she never blamed him for Mario – because he’s insane.  She blamed Jim instead.  Jervis is disappointed.  He concedes that’s wise - but not funny.  Lee continues – and asks why her infected Mario – and not her – if he meant to hurt Jim.

Jervis tells her that it was apparent at their tea-party that she still loved Jim – and that love doomed Mario.  Jim Gordon does not deserve love, he doesn’t get love, and so he decided to turn Lee’s love to hate by infecting Mario, and making Jim seem blameworthy.

Lee looks ill

Jervis laughs – and tells her that was a funny thing.  His face turns venomous, and he continues, pointing out that poor Mario is cold in ground, and she blames Jim – but Lee is really to blame for everything

Now see - that's funny.

Lee agrees that she’s to blame, her face bleak, broken.

I am

 Oswald wakes - holding head. My hand hurts – so they snipe some more and agree to work together so they can escape and murder each other.

 More bullshit spiritual training.  We see guru guy’s truth.  We are in a room, where an Owl/talon/whatever is kneeling before past guru.  Apparently – the Court exceeded their authority in killing the Waynes.  They’re just a means to an end for us – although he refuses to explain who that is when Bruce asks.  He does – though – want Bruce to help make the Court pay.

 Jim is chained to a chair while Barnes reiterates his fatherly disapproval.  Jim points out the virus will infect innocent and guilty alike – but no dice, because Barnes thinks the virus is great.  He sneers at Jim’s disbelief – just like Lee Thompkins - and tells him the story of Lee’s visit.

He gets ready to pass sentence.  Jim pretends to want to die wearing his badge.

One soldier to another

That never really meant anything to Jim, though, and it doesn’t now either, as he pulls the pin on a grenade on Barnes’ belt as he leans in to pin the badge.

There’s an explosion, GCPD runs in, and Barnes leaps out the window

 At GCPD – Harvey asks if there’s word on Barnes

He’s a nutjob in a leather jumpsuit with an axe for an arm!  I know this is Gotham, but come on people!

Jim is planning to get to Kathryn before she realises he’s escaped, but she’s been arrested and is being brought in.

Alfred appears – he’s been looking for Jim all day: Bruce has been abducted.  Harvey groans.  They realise they’ve both been after the Court, and the clone story comes – and yes, why haven’t they talked in - like – forever?  Long story short – Alfred rushes off to fetch the broken crystal owl.

Back in the makeshift prison - Oswald wails: Ed has a knife to his throat.  It’s all a ruse and they escape.

GCPD, where Jim is interrogating Kathryn.  She’s alternately stony faced and smiling poisonously – especially when she tells Jim he knows nothing if he thinks that she runs the Court.

 Alfred brings the owl. Harvey says he can't even do a jigsaw puzzle – so they’ll ask the guy who makes moulds of the faces of murder victims.  He lets slip that Jim is interrogating Kathryn, and Alfred storms in as Harvey chases him – realising his mistake

Oh god no -  not that

(An aside – Harvey’s little moments of comic relief in the background are joy)

Kathryn is scornful at Alfred’s arrival – assuming a good cop/bad cop routine – but is less scornful when Alfred stabs her in the hand.

Meanwhile – Barnes has arrived outside.  Harvey hears the commotion, and goes to see what’s happening.

In the interrogation room, Kathryn writhes in pain.  Jim tells Alfred that’s enough – but he twists the blade, and Jim remonstrates again. When Harvey returns, he separates Jim and Alfred.  They head out – Kathryn at gunpoint.

You all corrupted this house with weakness and compromise.  This place was a church to me!

Kathryn calls Barnes for help.  Jim tells him they will take him in.  Barnes is livid.

You dare threaten me!  You destroyed the thing I care most about and -  for that - the sentence is death.

A fight ensures Barnes knocks Jim to the floor, and easily takes out Harvey and Alfred.  Kathryn screams at him – demanding protection – and oh my God I was not expecting the decapitation

Barnes tells Jim it’s fitting he should die here – a demonstration that no-one will escape sentence.  Jim turns and blows his hand off with a shotgun. Barnes screams that he will face judgment.  Jim tells him

This place is a church - mine.

He stands alone in the wreckage

 An alley, where Ed and Oswald emerge through a metal door, and face off – their 5 hour truce in place before they can attempt to kill each other again.

Ed smugly informs Oswald that Barbara runs the underworld and that they have the gangs of Gotham at his back - while Oswald only has himself - and this, this is where the flimsy plotting and world building really starts to become intrusive for me.

Barbara, Tabitha, and Butch murdering key family members like they did would have caused a turf war. A turf war that - really - I'm not remotely convinced they would have won.  Let's consider their respective c.vs:

Barbara has about 5 minutes of experience in the crime world and a reputation for insanity. Tabitha has a reputation for cruelty - but no real background in the underworld.  If anything, you can imagine them being dismissed as 'poor little rich girls', playing at crime.  Butch is known as an eternal second fiddle and worse - in the mindset of Gotham's gangs - second fiddle to a woman, a 'freakish little man', and then two women who don't even have Fish's experience or clout.

As for Ed, he's flashy, conspicuous, and erratic.  He has a compulsive need for the attention that organised criminals would strive to avoid. Gangs would see him as a liability. They're also not going to take kindly to his obvious contempt for anyone he deems less intelligent than himself - which is everyone.

So - the notion that Barbara and co apparently rule the underworld with an iron grip is just chronically unconvincing to me.  Even if you hypothesize that they murdered every member of the old families - we saw the younger set of gangsters at Oswald's meeting early in season two, who seemed to enjoy the prosperity and stability his brief reign had brought. They apparently just decided to do as they were told?  Why? Because Tabitha has a whip and Barbara has a great wardrobe?  Nope.  Not buying it.

As for telling Oswald that all he has is himself - well, we all know why that comment proves that Ed is much dumber than he'd like to think.  Oswald is tough, resilient and - unlike Ed - knows exactly who he is.

 In the wreckage of GCPD - Jim holds a bandage to his shoulder – eyes wide as Lee walks in.  He asks what she’s doing here.  She asks if he assumed that she came to help, and assures him that she didn’t actually know what had happened, and wouldn’t have helped even if she did.  She says that if Barnes wrecked this place he loved – maybe it’s because he discovered the truth: there’s no justice here, but she – Lee – is willing to pay for what she’s done.

Jim frowns, confused – and asks her what she’s done, but she brushes him off and walks away.  Harvey asks what she wanted – and Jim says he has no clue. They need to find the hiding places,  but who is above Kathryn?

 Bullshit meditation man - that's who – who induces Bruce to finally place the pearls in the safe. Bruce looks pained – like it’s a betrayal – but does it.

Tell me - how do you feel now when you think of your parents’ murder?

I feel - nothing

He tells a nasty story about how the Talons are taken from orphanages and trained like Bruce has been. He orders the Talon in the room to cut off a finger.  They feel no pain but – equally – this leaves their mind pliable, to be moulded by him - just like Bruce’s has been.  His face turns malevolent.  They will destroy the Court, but Bruce will do whatever he says. Bruce agrees – blank faced.

GCPD – where Jim and Harvey stare at the owl map, before calling in the strike force.  Alvarez interrupts them.  Not only is Barnes missing – but someone took the virus sample. Jim is momentarily confused – and then remembers that Lee has the combination.

 Lee sits alone at the dining table.  She holds up the syringe, and injects herself without hesitation.  She breathes fast for a few moments, then her eyes darken, and she smiles.

 You destroyed the thing I care most about and, for that, the sentence is death.

Barnes claims that Jim destroyed his notion of justice and faith in the law and, for that, Jim must die. Ed took away Oswald’s empire and power – his prize and drive since day one, his tribute to his mother’s faith in him, and he tried to take away Oswald’s life and – hard though that life might be – Oswald holds on to it tightly.  For this, Ed must die.  Oswald took Isabella away, and for that Ed deems the sentence to be death.  Selina seeks to kill Bruce2 – both for his attempted murder of her and his role in Bruce’s abduction.  Kathryn took Bruce from Alfred, and Alfred is certainly willing to kill her to get him back.  Jim seeks to destroy the Court because they murdered both his father and uncle, and threaten the city, which he loves.  Lee’s case is more complex.  Jervis has put the idea in her head that she is to blame for everything – and so she sentences her old self to death, infecting herself with the virus – an eye for an eye with Mario’s fate.

I don’t think there’s as much in the way of character development in this epsidoe - they’re largely setting the stage for the finale now.  Motivations are being clarified, and pieces are being put into place.

Sundries. 

Jervis Tetch plays a very long game. 

And still no Victor.

Thoughts?

[thesymphonyoflife]

2018 Favorite Movies

It’s been a while since I’ve made one of these lists. This year was filled with great foreign films and documentaries, as (spoiler alert) you will see many of below. As always, I have not seen every movie of the year, but I think I have gotten better over the years at understanding what kinds of movies I would find interesting, and what directors I will always look out for, so in that regard, I think I have been as exhaustive as I can to make this list.

Honorable Mentions:

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs: I’ll watch anything the Coen’s do, and if history suggests anything, I’ll probably like it. This is one of the most unique formats I’ve seen a Coen film (anthology), but I’m glad I got to see their take on this film format, because I do enjoy films like this (Paris, Je’Taime, and Wild Tales are two of my favorites). This film did a good job of keeping with the overall western theme they were going for, even if some of the stories were more engaging than others. The timings were a little uneven as well, as some stories were (and felt) longer than others, which kind of threw off the pacing and rhythm of the film. If I know the Coen’s though, they might not be done exploring the genre of the Old Western.

Green Book: One of the more “meh” best picture winners of the past several years, maybe since The Artist. Viggo Mortenson did a great job and the chemistry between him and Mahershala Ali felt authentic, but I wish there wasn’t so much cheese spread across the film. I wish I could have a caution sign that pops up in front of a director’s eyes before they shoot a scene, reading: “Does this scene require this much drama (cheese) to effectively move the plot or build upon the character(s) in an appropriate manner? If it is not a resounding YES, please RECONSIDER altering the scene to be more authentic!!” I’m rambling and may be piling on this movie for the shortcomings of a lot of Oscar “bait,” but I (and many others) see it every year and every instance of it gets more and more frustrating.

They Shall Not Grow Old: War documentaries are nothing new, but I was thoroughly impressed by this take on the documentary format by Peter Jackson. I highly recommend sticking around to the very end of the film (after the credits) to see a mini-documentary on how they made the film and their thinking behind the structure, layout, and overall design of the film. The amount of work they put into the project is even more apparent after seeing that, and it just underscores the grand scale a world war was. 

Minding The Gap: This documentary does a great job of utilizing time to its advantage. I’m not talking about run time or pace, but rather telling a fluid story about several people over a period of several years. It felt very natural and allowed you to take a journey with these people and understand their story even more. It’s a documentary that is easy to empathize with, not just for the struggles the characters deal with but more so the journey the film takes us through, and how we can relate to the themes of childhood, family, community, friends, dreams, escapes, our future, mortality, and many other heady themes. 

Cold War: There’s a lot to unravel when watching this movie, from the shot compositions, to the juxtaposition of the music, to the journey of the relationship between Wiktor and Zula. I love the way music is used as a storytelling device, and the beauty of the minimalist style of music plays perfectly with the beautiful cinematography (black and white never looked so colorful). A lot was done well, but the pacing and the ending kept it from being an even better film.

10. Burning

I admit I needed to be aided in terms of figuring out what all happened in this film exactly. But once I started delving into what other people had to say about the film, I think that’s exactly what was supposed to happen. I love how even as slow prodding of a film this is, it still manages to simultaneously leave time for you to think and not at the same time. For as many times as I felt like I was going to fall asleep, I still feel like the pacing of this film was done as best as it could have been. This is a film where ambiguity is the end goal, and that’s perfectly ok, especially with how the film is laid out and shot. 

9. Eighth Grade

The passage of time is never kind to us. Even with the most positive outlook on life, and a happy childhood or upbringing, there is just something about reflecting on a period of time in your life (i.e. nostalgia) that brings about an inherent sadness. Not because the memories may be sad or because you wish you could go back to that time in your life, but because there is this huge amount of pressure we give ourselves when assessing our impact through the lens of time. A time capsule is the perfect representation of this concept. I have done this many times now (it is ever so easy to do now in the age of the internet. Hey, even this blog is basically a time capsule!) and each time it makes me feel like I have not grown or accomplished as much as I (maybe unfairly) should have in that time period, however long that may have been. I think it is just incredibly difficult to gauge how much we will actually change or “accomplish” in a given amount of time, or at a specific age. There is this pressure that comes naturally with time that hits everyone, whether or not it is fair or not. It is that constant reminder of the competitiveness in the world, and the brutality of time that may be wasted, which is one of the scariest and worst feelings anyone can have.

Rambling aside, I thought this film did an excellent job of encapsulating this thought in the eyes of the main character. It felt odd being so disconnected but also connected at the same time with the tribulations of the main character, as the setting and environment was so different from my childhood, but the fundamental change we all go through during that time period was very much the same. It’s tough to capture a specific time frame in our lives (especially in our formative years), just because nothing is ever static during our lives, we are in constant dynamic shifts. But this film was brutally funny and sad at times, which, if anything, encapsulates so much of what life at that time (and all others too) is all about.

Oh and I thought the music was outstanding (content and timing).

8. Roma

Professional filmmaking. That is one thought I had after coming out of this movie. As much as the story felt heartfelt and authentic (because it was), the film really showcased a director (Alfonso Cuaron) who knows his style, how to compose shots, and how to invoke authentic emotions. I go back and forth debating whether I think going with black and white was truly needed, but one thing is for certain in that it helps give the film a “timeless” feel to it. One that I know he thought about when making it, in that I believe he did not want to simply capture a snippet in time, but rather focus on the story and characters at hand, one which generations to come would relate to in their own way. 

7. Shoplifters

This was another foreign film that had a timeless feel to it. It’s always nice to watch foreign films, for a multitude of reasons, but in particular to be immersed in another culture for a brief period of time. That is certainly the case in this film, as the production design and sets do an outstanding job of putting you right into this world and help establish the atmosphere which helps understand the characters motivations and story a little more. The film had a unique plot and great acting, and the pacing felt very natural and thought out. 

6. If Beale Street Could Talk

I love the way dialogue is shown in this film. The composition of the shots, the intensity of the delivery, everything is heightened when there is dialogue in this film. And it is imperative that this be the case, as this is what drives the fairly simplistic plot along. This is certainly a film that shows more than it says, but Barry Jenkins does that extremely well in this case as he does a good job of portraying the themes in subtle ways that give the audience just the right amount of room to interpret themselves. It is always a difficult balancing act, in dialogue heavy films, to spell things out too much or show too little leaving audiences lost. Another aspect this film does well is the music. The score is imperative in setting the mood in atmospheric, melancholic movies such as this one, and Nicholas Britell does a fantastic job creating a nuanced, rich, and evocative score, and implementing at opportune moments throughout the film. There are some directors that just “click” when watching their films. Barry Jenkins is starting to become one of them.

5. The Favourite

One of the best part of watching movies (or art in general) is when you see something truly unique that it changes your perspective on what you like or how it can be portrayed. For Yorgos Lanthimos, his films have changed my perspective on comedy and how I feel it can be portrayed. His films have the shell of a distinguished drama, but the core of a slapstick comedy. I never knew comedy could be so funny and portrayed so differently than how he does it, in particular here in The Favourite. The acting, writing, and plot all work seamlessly together to create genuinely hilarious moments all while advancing the story, developing strong characters, and establishing strong themes that lead to a wonderfully crafted ending, wrapping up the film in a beautiful way. I can’t say enough good things about this film, and am in awe at how someone can craft a style and execute it so brilliantly in such a short amount of time (just 3 films to date). He’s certainly made the list of “directors I will see films they release no matter what unless they make 3 bad movies in a row.”

4. Spider Man: Into The Spider Verse

I have admittedly been far behind on my superhero movies, but I got a recommendation to see this one and I am extremely glad I did. I hope, when we look back at this decade of films, this one is the example of how much animation has grown over the years. The colors, the creativity, and even the technicality of it are all showcased in this film, but what makes this film so great is that it does not rest on just this alone. The characters, even with the high amount of them, are all relatable in some way, contribute to the story in their own unique way, and help establish this film as one different than any other superhero movie. The film does an excellent job of crafting a story truly fit for anyone, and it is a great film to discuss with others because they will certainly have a different way to relate to the story/characters. So that is a not so subtle suggestion to not only watch this film but tell others about it and talk about it with them!

3. Isle Of Dogs

This list is just starting to sound like an expose on my favorite directors, but it is hard not to talk about the director for this film, because it is so inherently Wes Anderson-ian. I find it incredible that he can utilize his techniques and creativity in similar ways for such nuanced and unique stories. Characters are always at the root of his stories, and there are no shortage of good ones here. He has an uncanny ability to write and craft characters around the voice actors as well, as it is so seamless in the way the voice acting portrays the characters in this film. His writing style never ceases to garner guffaws throughout the film, and I am always impressed with the amounts of twists and turns the story takes. It is a craft he has certainly mastered and one that makes it easy to just sit back and enjoy everything that unfolds before your eyes. The film does a great job of being topical as well, with underlying satire that is tastefully done and never over the top. Wes Anderson’s movies are always so dense that it’s so easy to watch over and over again and find new things to fall in love with. It’s one of the reasons why he’s one of my favorite directors and also on the list that I mentioned above, although I’m starting to think it’s pretty unlikely he’ll make a movie I dislike.

2. Free Solo

After the initial shock you have when trying to comprehend the magnitude of the athletic feat Alex Honnold is trying to accomplish, you start to shift your attention to the filmmaking. And that is almost (ok, not really) as impressive. The shots need to do the scale justice, and I think they did an excellent job of not only crafting a well shot film but also immerse you in this world many of us cannot even comprehend. I think they also do a good job of outlining this as much of a character study than anything, because it really is imperative to showcase the reasoning behind his actions, just for us mere mortals to understand a little better. And it turns out, in my eyes, he is just a supremely motivated individual seeking perfection and solitude. And as a result it is easy to come out of the movie exhilarated, energized, and motivated to accomplish any goals you may have. It’s a mark only a true story could do. Even if everything he does is so hard to believe.

1. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

“If you want to truly do a bio-pic justice, just make a documentary.” 

I made that statement after watching Bohemian Rhapsody, but the juxtaposition between that film and this one even more so justifies that statement. I won’t get into my thoughts on Bohemian Rhapsody, but I will just say that the documentary medium is really the only way to do Fred Rogers’ story justice, just so that you can show audiences, in this day and age, someone like that really did exist.

I will preface by saying I did not watch Mr. Rogers very often as a kid growing up. I knew when it was on, but I was more into Arthur and Wishbone on PBS. I also think the timing was everything, as there was a limited window to watch TV (cough I mean do homework) after school before my parents came home. And that’s ok, for his story does not need to be fully appreciated by watching him as a kid. Sure, I would love to go back to my childhood and sit down and watch him through the eyes of my inquisitive, imaginative young self, but I think no matter how or when you digest his story or listen to his words, you will wholeheartedly appreciate who he was and what he stood for. 

I really started to take a deeper dive on him in high school, when he had just passed away and there were news stories on him. I watched some youtube videos and gained an appreciation for what he did, but it was only when I was thrust into a situation where I had an impact on another kid did I feel like his story was more pertinent and important than ever. I mentored an elementary school kid through the national honor society for 2 years during high school, and as an introvert, that terrified me. What scared me more was that these kids were there for a specific reason, either hardship at home or just needing someone there in their lives. I did not know how to communicate to people older than me, let alone people younger than me. I didn’t know what to do. So I remembered what Mr. Rogers would do. He would talk to kids like his equals. And I did just that. I would play games, run around in the snow making snowmen, make arts and crafts (many of which his was better than mine), and just try to take his mind off of things. If I felt like it was appropriate, I would ask him how things were going. He wouldn’t always answer at first, which was fine, but once he got more and more comfortable with me around, he would open up a little bit at a time. And believe me, just that little bit was some of the most rewarding moments I have had in my life. It wasn’t a normal feeling of success or accomplishment either. It was a feeling of unparalleled joy by seeing someone else happy and growing as a human being. 

Joey, if you’re reading this, just know that I miss you, hope you are doing well, and I hope you continue to instill the values that Mr. Rogers had on others around you as well.

That was the power of Mr. Rogers. The power of being an inherently good, kind individual was a weapon we could use in times of struggle or hardship. Being a decent, respectful individual has gotten me more than any textbook or class ever did (not to say those aren’t important). It’s just that life is made up of all the relationships you have with people. The memories you have. The friendships. The laughter. The fights. The adventures. All made better by people at your side, and all made better (and easier) by living it with kindness in your heart. 

They say that a mark of success is to leave an impact on society. Well I would say that Mr. Rogers did that and much more, as he will hopefully force society to to teach the next generation to be better, which in turn will teach the generation after to be even better than the one before. It’s the best pyramid scheme ever invented.

Even as I grow older, I will always refer to him as Mr. Rogers. I will always look up to him, and I don’t know if I could ever duplicate what he did at that grand of a scale which his accomplishments were. But if I just impact a few people in my life, and live it with joy, imagination, kindness, and respect, I think even he would say that’s a job well done. 

The word neighborhood has always had a positive connotation in my life. Growing up, that meant friends, sports, sleepovers, endless summer nights, and no worries. Now, I associate that word with childhood, friends, kindness, respect, and joy. 

And Mr. Rogers.

Thanks, Mr. Rogers.

[mfmagazine]

Debby Ryan

Article by Kelli Kickham

Photo by Everette Perry

The life of an 18-year-old girl usually centers around boys, graduating high school and wondering "what next?" For teen star Debby Ryan, things are a little different. You probably know her from her role as Bailey on The Suite Life on Deck, and now she's getting ready for the premiere of her new show Jessie this fall. Ryan's pretty face has graced the covers of many teen magazines. There's plenty more to come from the talented young actress. She's known for her impeccable comedic timing and adorable smile, both of which she carries with an extraordinary level of poise. Rumor also has it that she bakes some pretty amazing pastries and plans to own a jet-pack sometime in the future. So, you may be wondering, "How can I even start to get to know the ins and outs of one of teen America's favorite stars?" Aw, I'm so glad you asked! Trust me, you've come to the right place.

You decided to pursue acting as a full-time career when you were 10 years old. That's a young age to be making any life decisions. Can you remember the thoughts that were going through your head when you made the decision "Yes, this is what I want to do"?

I realized that every amount of work and sacrifice was worth that moment: sitting by a velvet curtain, pulsing with the adrenaline of preparing to get lost in another world, and take people with me. I wanted to use every minute of free time between school, chores, dance, and homework to immerse myself in that realm. I found myself captivated with spending hours studying characters and acting styles, running lines, go to bed early so I could rehearse before school. That, to me, was better than going to the mall, and worth not having free time.

The Suite Life on Deck is all but wrapped up. Are you going to miss your cast mates? Did you make any friends you think you'll keep in touch with?

Of course. I realized I talk to at least one person or another from Suite Life almost every day. When you work with a group of people for 9 to 12 hours for three of some of the most monumental years of your life, it would be pretty hard not to form bonds. You see so many sides of these people, more often than family sometimes. Honestly, the cast and crew of Suite Life was such a diverse collection of people with so many different skills and experiences; I'm very excited to see where everyone goes from here.

So, moving on to the present-day, congratulations! You are starring in the show Jessie where you play the lead role as-- you guessed it-- Jessie. How are you feeling about the new show?

I'm proud- watching this artful machine with my name on it. Disbelief- that I get to come to work everyday and do what I do. Restless- always looking for some way to make it better. Anxious- can't wait to show my fans what I've been pouring my heart into for the last seven months. Developing this project was some of the most fun work I've ever done. Now that we are in production, it's not only meeting, but actually exceeding my exceptions. It already feels like a family, of such talented people. I get to tell such funny stories, on gorgeous sets, in amazing clothes, alongside talented people. What else could I possibly ask for?

Do you relate to your character at all?

Yeah, I mean, one of my favorite things about this role is that I get to play someone who was raised sort of similarly to my own upbringing. Except Jessie is a much cooler version of myself. She's sweetly strong; confident in her strength that she doesn't feel the need to try and prove it all the time. Plus, she's a funny chick. You know, we both babysat growing up and it seems to have really helped prepare us for the roles we've just found ourselves in. Jessie, as the nanny of 4 crazy kids with the world at their fingertips. Myself, at the helm of a young cast who's brand new to the sitcom world. We both grew up around the military world, and family is very important to us. Both Jessie and I have been encouraged from a young age to find our strength, and fight for the things we believe in.

All the Debby Ryan fans out there already know that singing is a huge passion for you. Do you get to do any writing or singing for this new show?

I always loved to write, and express myself through art. As I watched my brother Chase channel his passions into music, my words started to come with rhythms, and melodies. I'm most interested in the writing/producing side of music, but I can't go five minutes without singing or humming something. Plus, sometimes I write a story that I just need to tell in my voice. That's how "Open Eyes" and "Made of Matches" both were, even though they're insanely different...and Yes, I do get to work on and sing the theme song. Plus, we may or may not work some of my hobbies into the show, as well as how the cast and I have been spending our time [jam sessions!] but Disney and I have established that Jessie is not a music show.

When you work on your music, where do you look for inspiration?

I don't look for it. I couldn't. I never want to sit down with the intention of writing a song. That's when it becomes forced and contrived, and not art and expression. A lot of my writing comes from my acting; feeling what others are feeling and telling someone's story. Come to think of it, last night I wrote lyrics from the perspective of someone whose heart I've watched get broken. I see the situation as it is, why he does what he does, where it leaves him, but sometimes you need to blind yourself of the full view. When I look at him, alone by his own hand, and start to feel his cold of loneliness, trying to chase it away with unfulfilling sparks, holding too tightly and smothering the embers, and letting go the second the orange starts to fade, because it's all or nothing in his fairytale mind, and he's so afraid of being left again.. when my heart starts to break for someone, that's where I get the best songs.

Alright, so we know you're a busy girl. Moving from one TV series to another, working on your music career... assuming that you have any time to do anything extra, what do you do with your spare time? Any hobbies or interests that we might not yet know about?

Well lately, I've been obsessed with taking my kids on cast excursions. Glow in the dark mini golf, breakfast, Disneyland, etc. I go to concerts with my friends, download records, make playlists for my friends, and write about these experiences in my music blog, whoisdebbyanyway.tumblr.com.

Do you have any actresses that you look up to? Have you had the chance to talk or work with her/them?

Emma Stone, Tina Fey, Sandra Bullock, Zooey Deschanel...Growing up, I watched a lot of Amanda Bynes. There's something about a girl who can lose themselves in a role, comedy in particular, in such a ridiculous but genuine and earnest way. Smart, professional, directably, and fearless. Also, I totally see Tina Fey's business sense as a road map to my ideal career. I met Emma Stone at a premiere very briefly, and was enamored by her approachability. Some people fake it on screen. She's genuinely relatable, but still inherently cool. Zoe Saldana's that way as well. That's such a cool balance.

What's the most valuable piece of advice you've ever been given (career oriented or otherwise)?

Learn. Always listen. Ask questions. Soak it all up and use everything as a lesson and an opportunity to become better in every area. Also, learn multiple sides of your trade. I never learned certain things as an actor until I sat in the editing room on Suite Life after work, or the writer's room on hiatus, or shadowed a director during other people's scenes.

You're doing great with family-oriented shows on the Disney Channel. Are you hoping to branch into other genres?

I initially wanted to be in independent drama films, but I fell in love with multi-camera sitcom style. The older progression of what I do would be something like The Big Bang Theory or Friends. But I would like to branch into another genre of television: I watch a lot of NCIS, so something like that, or Psych or the Warehouse. That feels like a mini-film, with plenty of drama and splashes of comedy. Also, I've discovered randomly enough how much fun I have with my hosting gigs. As far as films go, ultimately, I'll be kicking butt in a fast paced action adventure.

What would be your dream role?

A sort of rogue modern-day superhero. Lara Croft, James Bond, Hit Girl, Indiana Jones' -hybrid chick. If Emma Stone's character in Zombieland had a setup like Catwoman.

Do you ever have trouble balancing your career and your personal life?

I learned early on that one of the biggest tools you need to be a successful actor is the understanding that you will have to give things up on one side to keep your priorities on the other side. I'm a person first. A daughter, sister, granddaughter, and friend first, and I have to be willing to say no to exciting or important things and keep promises to loved ones at all cost. It's all about balance, and you can never find the perfect one, but you should never ever give up trying.

Ok, you're a talented actress and singer, but let's talk about some things outside of your career!

Okay. I bake some pretty mean gluten-free brownies. ..from a mix, but still.. they're mean.

Do you have any pets?

Yes. My nugget Presley was the best 17th birthday present ever. He's a toy poodle, and totally converted me to a little dog person. I've been wanting a Siberian Husky or a lab, but I saw him and we pretty much fell in love. He's strong and tough and doesn't quite know he's a little dog, and I'm determined to keep it that way. I bought him a spiked collar, and whenever he goes anywhere, he walks or runs on his own four feet. And our family has a sweet older Yorkie named Daisy.

If you were able to be any animal, what would it be? Would you be domesticated (cared for, pet, spoiled) or wild (freedom, fighting, killing-for-your-food)?

Wolf. I'm definitely a pack animal, and I'd rather go hungry than be sustained by something canned and set in front of me.

Do you like to read in your free time?

Yes. I used to read a lot more when I was younger; now, it's more like I collect books with hopes of absorbing them through osmosis. Just began Frannie and Zooey by J.D. Salinger. Salinger's tone is so cool. I'm usually into Shakespeare and C.S. Lewis, where you do a bit more translating of words and concepts, but this book vibes conversationally offbeat. Actually, the book was a gift. On the inside cover, it explains that, with the way I use words, I'm reminiscent of a modern day Salinger.

When it comes to things outside of the acting/music industry, who do you look to for advice or guidance?

My brother, Chase. He's got a great head on his shoulders and doesn't mind telling me the things I don't want hear, in a way where I can receive them.

Let's say you're taking an astronomy class, and as you're looking through the telescope you see a star not in the book. "Wow," your teacher explains-- you've discovered a brand-spanking-new star. What will you call it?

Wow, I'm honored. Go me, with my little telescope...I'd name it 'Galadriel', or 'a UFO'. "Hey look, up there! What's that star?" "Oh, that's 'a UFO'." "NO WAY!" "yes way. Debby discovered 'a UFO', last week. She saw it with her own two eyes." "gnarrllyyyyy!"

Another scenario: The world is being torn apart by a war. It's a war between ninjas and pirates. Which side do you choose?

Ninjas. They're agile and shifty, and I use words only when necessary.

Now you've chosen your side, a regular human name just won't do... what will your alias be?

Redemption.

There are a lot of young girls in the world who feel lost-- be it about family, relationships or what they want to do with their lives. Do you have any words of advice or encouragement?

I don't think you ever fully figure yourself out, because you are always growing and changing. Own that! Find the joy in surprising yourself. Explore the world around you and finding out how you feel about what you see. Try out new hobbies, styles, foods, cultures.. see what sticks. Its natural if you don't know just yet what you stand for, but you need to know what you stand against. Have an anchor so life doesn't toss you around. It's good to have a mentor who has achieved what you want to achieve. They can help you so much and you can learn from their mistakes.

[weasley-detectives]

Brave and Merida in a Trumped up world

It's a little surprising to me that the Disney fandom went absolutely apeshit over the "Disneyfication" of Merida in their merchandise - something Brenda Chapman even spoke out against, calling it a cheap ploy to sell merchandise - yet there hasn't been any commentary on other Brave spin-offs.

Merida's a Disney/Pixar heroine who, in Chapman’s own words, was created to be a different kind of Princess. Now, I don’t think it makes me a good feminist to sit here and pit Disney Princess against Disney Princess; I think popular perception of the “Disney Princess” is a different beast altogether when compared with the actual source material, which has both positive and negative aspects. But when it comes to Merida the writers intentionally set out from the start to try something new. She has a fuller, rounded figure, a nuanced relationship with her mother, and romance plays no part in her story. You could argue there’s evidence of a romantic interest, but that’s not the same thing as a romantic subplot, and it’s not overt enough that you can say with any certainty. The writers admit the original idea was to have Merida walk off into the sunset with Young MacGuffin, the suitor who briefly catches her attention early in the film, but that epilogue thankfully only exists in the artbook and deleted scenes.

And let me be clear, there's nothing wrong with Merida having a romantic interest. In fact, I came to love that Merida is subtly shown to be a little interested in Young MacGuffin. 

I was watching Mulan the other night with a @pale-silver-comb​ (who is 100% responsible for my newfound love of Disney- well, that and the fact I need bright happy escapist animation as the rest of my time is spent neck deep in miserable politics). We were cackling over the scene where Mulan ogles a shirtless Shang and later wound up ranting over how rare it is to see women checking out guys in films. When women do make their attraction known, they tend to run the risk of being framed or labelled as shameless, or worse, sluts. On the flipside, how often do we see guys ogling girls in media? Yeah, exactly. It's a shitty myth that women don't own their sexuality in the same ways men do. That's one of the things I love about Mulan and Merida as heroines - they're not "strong female characters" (god I hate that term, can we please kill it?) just because they kick large hairy man arse. They're great characters because they are so relatable. They're funny, they're giant dorks, they stuff their gobs, they check guys out, they can be crass, proud, and make mistakes. These are all things women do, but aren't shown to do nearly as often as men are in mainstream media.

I’m glad the Brave epilogue with Merida and Young MacGuffin didn't make the final cut, because the story wasn't about Merida finding romance - it was about Merida's relationship with her mother, and the two of them confronting their pride, opening their minds to new ways of thinking, and admitting their mistakes. The epilogue had no place in Brave’s narrative. To have included it would have harmed the message of the story by adding romance for the sake of romance, rather than for any narrative purpose. But at the same time I don't want to downplay Merida showing even a subtle interest because yay women owning their own sexuality. One of the things that has driven me crazy since I was a kid myself is the patronising infantilization of girls. A crush is normal, you can pretty much get them at any age, it does not mean you’re not enjoying your childhood to the fullest. Fuck that noise. I had massive crushes from the age of 4 and still managed to climb trees, get into fights and battle Captain Hook and Shredder on my T-Rex with imaginary best friend Gollum at my side (what? fuck you we had a bond). That Merida might have had a bit of a crush on Young MacGuffin reinforces for me the fact she’s a character who doesn't want to get married because she doesn’t bloody want to, not because the suitors are conveniently horrible people she vehemently dislikes. I actually find that even more inspiring. So yes, Brave is a great film with a pretty amazing heroine.

Which is why it pisses me off when spin-off writers take something so progressive and shaft it.

This isn't a ship shaming post at all - fandom is a ship & let ship space, ship Merida with her bow for all I care, it's all good. This critique is aimed at crappy spin-offs and I’m taking Once Upon a Time as an example. Now, OUAT isn’t all bad. Sometimes it takes Disney canon and transforms it into something really interesting, progressive and original. Or, well, it used to. Recent seasons not so much. The actress who plays Merida is the only good thing about OUAT's Brave arc. The rest is unbearably lazy (HA! pun.) writing. The gravest injustice has to be King Fergus, who looks like he's wearing a wig knitted from a highland cow's pubes.

Don't get me started on his accent. I’m scottish. No Scotsman sounds like that. Not unless they’re squeedging out an enormous post-curry-hangover shit. I love Fergus, but honestly I was relieved OUAT!Fergus was bumped off before my ears could go on strike.

The suitors are also sexist pigs. Dingwall and MacGuffin don't even say anything, they just play the lazy mindless followers/minions to MacIntosh who’s probably the most unlikeable aspect of the arc. Really says something about OUAT when the original animation, aimed at a younger audience, portrays its characters as more nuanced. In Brave, Young MacIntosh is all bluff- he’s a show off, a sore loser and generally a bit of a prick, but there are also glimpses of genuine empathy. He's also the suitor Merida is openly put off by in the film. So yeah, in Brave, Young MacIntosh is a bit of a lanky fucktrumpet, but he's not anywhere close to being the scabby sexist cockwomble he is in OUAT. This would be fine if it had some sort of clever narrative purpose, but who am I kidding, it’s OUAT. OUAT!MacIntosh is a proper dickhead and there’s no reason for Merida to like any of the suitors, because unlike in Brave, they’re all fucking assholes. And yet the OUAT arc still ends with Merida giving him the smitten googley eyes. Because romance or something. cool.

Another Brave novelisation published by Disney Random House ends with Merida confirming to the reader that yes, she did eventually marry. Well thank fuck for that! My frail girlish heart couldn't possibly entertain the idea of Merida never marrying. Thank you book, you've reassured conservative parents everywhere.

In addition to that bollocks is.. probably one of the worst offenders. I recently picked up a couple of the Merida chapter books by Sudipta Bardham-Quallen, again published by Disney Random House. They're for wee kids, but I wanted to see more of @gurihiru​​ 's lovely art which I’m fully smitten with. The writing isn’t great, but the stories involve challenging enough themes for very young readers. To the author's credit there's a bit of an effort made to retain a Scottish feel to them and there’s a nice focus on female friendships as Merida encounters new characters. It’s a bit cutesy-poo BFFs!!, the kind of thing I hated as a kid, but hey, we need more female friendship stories. The new characters are even quite likeable, so thumbs up there.

Then I picked up the second book, The Fire Falls (also written by Sudipta Bardham-Quallen), and cringed. Basically bad Merida and Young MacIntosh fanfic involving some classic tropes like: 'I'm not jealous, I’m just better than all those shameless slags flirting with him' and 'arg he's such an asshole but i'm inexplicably attracted to him though there's nothing to show in the story why I should be!' and my favourite - ‘He’s a bad guy but I can change him!’

Here's my main issue: why is it when a female character shows or says she’s not interested in a guy's advances this all too often becomes a springboard for their romance? Why do these stories have such an obsession with positioning the sexist hyper-masculine asshole as the romantic lead? (I'm sure that couldn’t have any dire implications for the worl-oh fuck). And in Brave's case, when the source material and original epilogue show Merida taking an interest in the big fat guy, why don’t any of the spin-offs build on that? Young MacGuffin also happens to be the only one in the entire film to vocally stand up for Merida’s rights. That’s pretty cool! So why don’t spin-offs celebrate that? The cynic in me says we all know the answer - much like Merida had to be “sexed up” to sell Disney merchandise, the fat suitor had to be swapped out for the skinny. 

Really, in a film that revolves around Merida's frustration that people aren't listening to her, it sort of amazes me that these spin-offs don't realise they AREN'T LISTENING TO HER.

And yeah, obviously I know it seems really silly picking on kids books and OUAT, neither of which are ever going to win awards for great progressive writing, but considering America just elected a vile celebrity as President and populism is on the rise, maybe it’s time we all said screw that academic snobbery and paid more attention to popular media. This stuff is common, these tropes are common, and it’s consumed mostly by young kids who internalise these crappy messages.

I make a big deal of it because these coded messages have a profound effect on us as we grow. These messages tell us to ignore a girl's decision and choice: that when she says 'I'm not interested' what we hear is 'I am'; that the most "attractive" and most "masculine" guy will always be the “natural” choice; that being fat or shy or awkward are inherently negative qualities and will always be overlooked by the loud wanker distracting everyone by waving his tiny hands around.

I'm now a published historian and I plan on publishing children's books in the near future; I work part-time in a bookshop, so I talk to kids about the stories they read, the stories they want to read, and their frustrations with the stories they HAVE read, all the time; I studied child psychology as part of my degree in Social Anthropology: this is why it matters to me and why I know all too well how much these coded messages affect us. I know it from my own experiences as a half-Moroccan kid with a dead father, growing up in a classroom of white kids who all came from middle-class households with two parents. This was all brought back to me when I rediscovered some of my old journals and stories I had written for class where I portrayed myself as being blonde/white and talked as if my dad was still alive, because I desperately wanted to be *normal*. I never got to encounter a character like Merida growing up, and I wish to god I had.

Children's authors and publishing houses have an enormous responsibility to make their readers feel included and heard. They also have a responsibility to challenge toxic ideas - not reinforce them. We have to keep pushing boundaries, not limit them.

[drink-n-watch]

  Genre:  Supernatural, romance, comedy yokai

Episodes: 12

Studio: David Production

  You know what’s tough? Having a defence mechanism that makes you lash out and be rude or mean to people whenever you feel shy or awkward even though you would really like to be friendly. Oh no wait, you know what’s worse than that? Having everyone think you lead the perfect life just because you come from a super rich family when in reality you’ve been isolated your whole life and most people just want to get something out of you. But that might not be as bad as having been separated from and ignored by your parents your whole life just because you are a little different from your sister. I mean it’s no wonder you’re having a tough time connecting with others. Wait wait, there’s more! As if all of that wasn’t bad enough, what if you are a half human descendent of an ancient and powerful Yokai, granting you all kinds of amazing powers with all kinds of strings attached. Actually that last part sounds not too bad. You can even go live in a mention full of half Yokai. Really attractive half Yokai. With your own amazingly loyal bodyguard! Things are looking up!

A little while ago I watched Blast of Tempest. Some of you may recall that I had picked up the series because In/Spectre had just finished and I wanted something in the same vein so AniList suggested Blast of Tempest. It was a fine series and I’m glad I watched it but it turns out that what I actually wanted to see was Inu x Boku SS. Why didn’t AniList suggest that??? Why isn’t the website psychic?

apology accepted

I’m not quite sure how to describe the production of Inu x Boku SS. I would call is flashy maybe? Here’s the thing, it a well made anime. A really well made anime. But I have a feeling it was on a budget. It’s super pretty, with really nice character designs, good backgrounds and very consistent art and animation. But at the same time there isn’t that much animation, the backgrounds repeat a lot and although nice enough aren’t very intricate, and the colours lack a certain depth. But it looks great! Am I making any sense? Wait, this was made in 2012? So maybe it’s just a little aged. It looks great!

Fine, let’s get to the important part, I drooled over most of the characters which was a little uncomfortable cause some of them seem very young…

Also the cast is amazing. One of my favourite ensemble casts in a while. Individually, most of the actors are worth noting but together they are even better. Great chemistry!

I’m over it, Karuta is adorable

Inu x Boku does one thing that I usually don’t care for at all. I has a plot relevant end scene after the closing credits. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that but it does mean I can’t simply skip the end credits and go on to the next episode when I’m binging a series. And I did finish this one in just a couple of days.

However, this was heavily mitigated by the fact that Inu x Boku has an entirely different ED almost every episode. That means a new song (often sung by one of the characters) and completely new visuals and style. Even the few repeat EDs have some differences here and there to keep things fresh. I can’t quite explain why this impressed me so much but it really made a mark and I felt like I really needed to mention it in the review. You know, I might just want some more of this show.

I guess that’s good too….

When I say this is what I wanted to watch to quench my In/Spectre thirst, it might give you a good idea of the story. It reminded me of a mix of In/Spectre and Pandora Hearts. Which sounds pretty weird but it seems I really like that!

Structurally, Inu x Boku SS is closest to a Slice of Life, surprisingly. It follows Ririchiyo, a very socially awkward girl, as she slowly learns how to come out of her shell and make friends in her new living arrangement and at school. There is some big complicated back story of ancient Yokai and powerful families but that’s merely a backdrop. It does give you the impression that the series is just a tiny part of a much larger adventure. I may cave and get the manga eventually but I still really enjoyed it for what it was.

And what it was was a surprisingly light hearted and occasionally really funny comedy that got super romantic at the end. Like the last episode may have been a bit too romantic for my tastes but by then I liked the characters enough to just go with it.

I *might* have awwwed

Which is the crutch of it all. Like most SoL shows… I have a feeling some readers might feel cheated if I don’t clarify this a bit. I wouldn’t say it’s an actual Slice of Life. There is a very loose connecting thread that goes over the entire season but the action of each episode is fairly stand alone and a lot of it is just Ririchiyo and friends having fun at school or the people at the Ayakashi house playing pranks on each other or having little competitions. One episode is them burying a time capsule, another is Ririchiyo’s long lost fiancee reappearing out of nowhere to classify everything around as either a Masochist or a Sadist (a running gag I really liked). So let’s say it’s Slice of Life like.

Back to what I was saying, like most SoL like shows, your enjoyment of Inu x Boku is probably going to hinge entirely on how much you like the characters. There’s a pretty big spread of archetypes so most people should find at least one to their taste but I won’t deny a certain shoujo sensibility in the characterizations. Still, I’m going to venture that if you liked In/Spectre or Pandora Hearts, you’ll likely enjoy Inu x Boku SS. If you liked both, then you definitely will enjoy it!

everyone loves Zange…almost

Favourite character: Zange

What this anime taught me: Yoshimasa Hosoya is an amazing actor!

“You’re riding a horse full speed.. there’s a giraffe beside you.. and you’re being chased by a lion .. what do you do?.. get your drunk ass off the carousel”

Suggested drink: A Last Love Letter (isn’t that a lovely cocktail name?)

Every time we see falling sakura petals – take a breath, there are a lot

Every time Ririchiyo is in her Yokai form – take a sip

Every time Sou (Inu) is being clingy – take a very small sip

Every time we see chibi Ririchiyo – awwww take a sip

Every time Sou sparkles – Sparkle too!

Every time anyone other than Yuki wears glasses – take a sip

Every time Yuki flirts with any of the girls – raise your glass

Every time Ririchiyo gets dressed – take a sip

Every time Ririchiyo talks about her family – take a sip

Every time Karuta is eating – get a snack

Every time Sou says good morning – say good morning

Every time Ririchiyo collapses in bed – stretch

Every time anyone mentions the letters – take a suspicious sip

Every time anyone swoons over Sou – agree

Every time Watanuki gets yanked by the tail – feel bad for him

Every time Watanuki is a delinquent – take a sip

Every time Kage comes bearing gifts – be jealous that you aren’t getting any

I would not have minded a bit more of Renshou either…

I filled up a pinterest board and I have enjoyed revisiting it! I hope I didn’t give you the impression that Ririchiyo isn’t great… She is! I have the pics to prove it!

        Inu x Boku SS -Why did it take me this long to watch this? Genre:  Supernatural, romance, comedy yokai Episodes: 12 Studio: David Production You know what's tough? Having a defence mechanism that makes you lash out and be rude or mean to people whenever you feel shy or awkward even though you would really like to be friendly.

[turnabouttoothbrush]

Shared Secrets

Damn you all for making me actually produce content for my blog! Damn you!!

Today’s sporkers

(We open up in our sporking theatre, which will soon be the scene of a terrible disaster.)

Fallen: Terrible disaster? I’m not sure that’s what I’d call our first real sporking since we moved out to Utah!

Hawksky: The collabs with Sith were real sporkings, Fallen.

Fallen: Yeah, but it is nice to get some OC on this blog for once, right?

Aziz: We just did, like, two liveblogs, too.

Fallen: Anyway! Roll fic~!!

It wasn't like Liquid had actually planned this. The word had just slipped out unbidden, and when he realized what he'd said, it was already too late to take it back. Liquid was bent over the table in Big Boss's office,

Aziz: I wish we could make fun of the pairing, but not only have we written it ourselves but we also have it on our recommendations page...

Hawksky: C’mon, Aziz, when has being a hypocrite ever stopped us?

Aziz: Point. I don’t even know where to start with this, though.

just like he was so many times already, although it had been a long time since he was invited here last. Liquid kept on telling him that he would do better this time, but got nothing but a disapproving grunt out of Big Boss. This time it all went a bit different though.

Fallen: This time he [insert something suitably ridiculous and meme-y here]

Aziz: Fallen! That’s a cop-out!

Fallen: Well excuse me if I didn’t want to go into Bum Tickley-tier random access comedy myself!!

He was trying his hardest not to struggle too much, while still rocking his hips into his father's thrusts, his head pressed on the table with a strong hand. Liquid's mind slowly crumbled while the thrusts of Big Boss's hips kept their steady rhythm, seemingly unimpressed by the blond's enthusiasm.

Fallen: But alas, not even sex could get his father’s attention.

Hawksky: This is in-character, actually.

Liquid's face was distorted in an expression of pleasure, almost drooling on the table beneath him. It had been weeks since someone had fucked him like this. After Big Boss had fucked him the first time, Eli just wasn't able to

Fallen: Hold up- don’t just change what you’re referring to a character as in the middle of a paragraph for no reason! Consistency, dangit!

Aziz: Not to mention that, outside of Liquidmantis fic, it’s pretty much an accepted convention to use “Liquid” when you’re referring to him as an adult and “Eli” when you’re referring to him as a child.

Hawksky: Because more pedo shit is exactly what this blog needs?

Aziz: We really need to start archiving these sporkings just in case we get banned and have to migrate to... I dunno... back to LiveJ--

Hawksky: Never again. Fucking website kept eating our HTML!

Aziz: Oh yeah, I vaguely remember that...

find anyone to fulfill his desires anymore. He wanted no one else, but his father didn't really want him.

Hawksky: #canon

Panting heavily, the word just slipped out of his mouth.

“Harder... daddy!”

(And just like the last time we sporked one of these stupid kinkfics, everyone just collectively loses it at the word “Daddy”.)

Fallen: Okay, is it- hehehe-- is it bad that I could, like, totally see Liquid being the type of person who is ridiculous and over-the-top enough to actually post DDLB memes on social media?

Aziz:

Hawksky:

Aziz: I think that’s a little too on-the-nose here.

Hawksky: Yeah? So is Liquid calling his literal father “daddy”.

Aziz: True.

He could feel Big Boss stutter in his movements

Hawksky: To be fair, I’m not sure how I would react to that either.

Fallen: I don’t think any normal person does. Not that that precludes Hawksky or anything, ehehe...

Aziz: *as Big Boss* Wait, what’s a “daddy”?

and for a tense moment, neither of them was moving. Shit. Liquid was sure Big Boss was going to straight up kick him out of his office and never invite him here ever again.

Fallen: Well, it’d probably be better in that case, soooo...

He made a whimpering noise when his father pulled out of him, almost preparing himself for his soul to get crushed. His father whipped him around with a force that was truly fitting for the legendary soldier.

Aziz: Glad he’s making good use of those skills.

Hawksky: The Boss ain’t die for this

Liquid felt frozen in place, unable to even take up a defensive stance. He would catch the full force of his blow if Big Boss decided to deck him across the face. 

Fallen: Aww, not the face! He’s so pretty :(

Aziz: The rest of the body is fair game, though. Within tasteful limits, obviously.

Hawksky: Don’t your “tasteful limits” start at disembowelment?

Aziz: Like you’re one to talk, Hawksky. (And they just start at traumatic lacerations, chill out...)

Slowly he could feel his fathers hands resting on his hips and he was unexpectedly heaved on the table behind him. His eyes went wide when he saw Big Boss watching him with an intense gaze. Eli was

Fallen: Ugh, not again...!

Aziz: Author, pay attention!

holding his breath, not daring to move until he got the verdict for his actions. Everything seemed to play out in slow motion when his father grabbed his hair and brought his mouth to his ear and Liquid could only stare at the wall behind them, panic rising in the pit of his stomach.

"Say that again." Big Boss commanded him, his breath hot on his ear.

Aziz: I guess it wouldn’t be much of a fic if BB weren’t into it.

Hawksky: Correction: it would be a shorter, but much funnier fic if he weren’t.

Aziz: I’ll admit the concept of someone getting literally drop-kicked naked and screaming out of a tryst for having a daddy kink is pretty hilarious.

Eli slowly released the breath he's been holding,

Fallen: And now a tense change? Huh, the author really wasn’t paying attention, were they? Well, it isn’t happening constantly, so I guess it’s just a slip here and there, but...

Aziz: ...but the author really should have gotten a beta reader. As hypocritical as it is for us to say that considering we don’t have one ourselves.

Hawksky: Yeah, but how do you ask someone to beta read your BBLiquid fucking daddy kink fic?

Aziz: Shit, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

barely able to process what Big Boss had said. It was definitely a command, just like the ones that came out of Big Boss's mouth during training, but the demand was very different. Was he really okay with this, or even more unbelievably, was he enjoying this too?

Hawksky: I’d make an “at least someone is” joke but honestly this really isn’t all that bad.

Fallen: It just happens to involve one of the most inherently ridiculous kinks out there.

Hawksky: Along with a pairing with a, uh, really good potential for schadenfreude.

Liquid almost couldn't get the words out of his mouth but he slowly pulled his legs apart, leaning back on the table.

"Please, fuck me harder, daddy." he said,

Aziz: Protip: if a line of dialogue is immediately followed by the dialogue tag (”he said”), then you’re supposed to put a comma where that period goes. I don’t know how so many people miss this.

Fallen: Apparently they don’t teach this in schools anymore?

Aziz: People should really pay more attention to what they’re reading if they’re setting out to write something, though...

Hawksky: Yet another problem that could have been solved by an editor! Seriously, writing a BBLiquid daddy kink fic isn’t that shamefuhuahahahahahahahaha dammit I can’t finish that sentence with a straight face.

looking into the other's blue eye, still afraid to be kicked out any moment. After all, Big Boss could just be playing with his feelings, like he already did so many times. He was almost waiting for the blow of Big Boss pushing him from the table and knocking him on the floor, but that blow never came. Instead Big Boss just moved closer, pressing the head to his entrance again, pushing back into Eli with a force that he loved.

Fallen: ...you know, considering this is a daddy kink fic, maybe the randomly switching to a name usually used a shorthand for “he’s a kid” is intentional? Like, it’s supposed to be the ‘littlespace’ thing?

Hawksky: It doesn’t happen at the right times for that to be true, though.

Aziz: Excuse me while I try to wrap my head around what ‘littlespace’ would be like for a former child soldier.

They both let out a deep moan when Big Boss was buried deep inside of him again, from a different angle this time. That moan of approval was so much softer than any noise Eli had ever heard out of Big Boss's mouth, and it went straight to his groin.

"You really are a naughty boy, do you know that, Eli?" Big Boss growled when he picked up his rhythm again, hitting Liquid in just the right spot every time. His dick twitched at the sound of his first name from Big Boss's lips, his cheeks turning a bright red. He couldn't believe his luck.

Hawksky: “I can’t believe my luck! I get to fuck my dad!”

Was he really able to find Big Boss's secret kink just like that? And would he finally look at him, now that he's able to fulfill his desires? Liquid never thought being called a naughty boy would turn him on so much, but it just did. Especially since the words came out of his father's mouth.

Aziz: I’m kinda of the opinion here that if you’re already having incestuous sex, you don’t really have the right to be surprised that something turns you on, no matter what it is.

Fallen: DDLB is kind of a logical procession from boning your father, anyway, isn’t it...

"Yes, I'm a naughty boy, daddy!

Hawksky:

Please fuck me."

Aziz: I was so focused on the period even being there that I forgot to point out that ending that sentence with a period makes him sound... kind of bored.

Fallen: Liquid having sex with Big Boss to try and get his attention is funny enough on its own, Aziz. Him phoning it in is just too much.

Aziz: *extremely flat British accent* Yes, daddy. Ooh. Fuck me hard.

Liquid moaned, wrapping his arms around his fathers shoulders like he was never allowed to do before. He just wanted to take the risk and pull Big Boss closer to him. And instead of swatting his hands away, Big Boss leaned down and bit his neck, leaving a dark bruise. It felt like Big Boss was claiming him and Liquid had never felt this happy in his life.

Hawksky: Well hey, I guess if that’s what it takes to get some parental acknowledgement...

Fallen: On AO3 it certainly is!

He didn't want this bruise to ever fade away. He wanted to wear it with pride and show everyone who he belongs to.

Fallen: Liquid’s never heard of keeping his kinks to himself, apparently! ...which kind of strikes me as fairly in-character...

Aziz: I’m sure BB will be just pleased as punch about this.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he was revolted with himself for living solely off the approval of his father, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It didn't matter at this point anyway. He was sure he had one of the most naughty expression on his face, with his cheeks flushed and his lips parted,

Hawksky: It’s okay, author, you can say ahegao. We aren’t that fancy around here.

when Big Boss pulled away again, his face now mere inches from Liquid's face.

"Can you be a good boy and hold back until your daddy comes?" he purred, nipping at Eli's earlobe, making him whine before he could even attempt to answer him. He was playing with him, and Eli was all too eager to apply.

Fallen: Apply? Apply what?

Hawksky: Himself?

Aziz: Liquid is absolutely the person who would have gotten the “You’re a very bright child but you just need to apply yourself” speech four times a week at school... y’know, if he ever actually went to school, which I’m pretty sure he didn’t.

Hawksky: Hey, it explains why he’s so horrible at genetics.

"Yes, please fill me up, daddy! I'll be a good boy for you." Liquid breathed out. He didn't even have time to be embarrassed because of his words when Big Boss picked up the pace again and thrust into him without holding back. His dick was already spilling pre-cum with every rut of the other's hips, but he was determined to hold back and not embarrass himself like the first time they did it.

Aziz: Oh right, I almost forgot this is a sort-of sequel to another BBLiquid fic this author wrote...

Fallen: Yeah, but that one was decent and didn’t have ridiculous dialogue, so who cares?

Big Boss was touching all the right places that he never did for Eli before. He was pulling his hair and biting a purple bruise around one of Eli's nipples. All the things that his father knew would turn him on so bad, but never did because he was still the boss and didn't need to do anything for Liquid.

Hawksky: If he never did them, then how does he know about them? That kind of thing is pretty trial-and-error.

Fallen: Ummm... maybe it’s just because he’s into it, and kinks are genetic in the MGS universe! Which I could totally buy.

Aziz: Shit, that explains why they ended up boning, too, if an incest fetish is hereditary.

Fallen: Omg, it all makes sense! Maybe the author’s more subtle than we’re giving them credit for!

Aziz: I’m not sure I would go that far...

He could hear himself spilling out needy moans and hushed pleads for his daddy to fuck him, when he already felt his climax nearing. Liquid held his breath in an desperate attempt to get back from the edge to hold out longer. Why was he touching all the right places when he wanted Liquid to hold out longer than him? His father just couldn't keep from torturing him it seems. His vision started getting blurry, when Big Boss thrusted deep into him with every rock of his hips, Eli's mouth hanging open in a silent scream that he couldn't let out yet.

Hawksky: This is absolutely ahegao.

Aziz: Should we pull out the Liquid Snake ahegao image we have lying around already?

Hawksky: Well, the one that we didn’t draw would have to be sourced to a now-deleted private Twitter account, so... no?

He heard the low panting of his father getting louder with every second until he came inside with a drawn-out moan. It was sheer torture to hold back at this point, but Eli didn't dare to come without his fathers approval, so he lay still on the table, biting his lip in an attempt to keep himself from spilling his load just yet. He needed this. He needs his daddy to tell him that he can let go right now, or he might go crazy.

When Big Boss pulled back, still panting heavily, he grabbed the back of Liquid's head, leaning closer to him and whispered something against his lips.

"Now come for me, my boy."

Fallen:

(Everyone just completely fucking loses it again.)

And with that Liquid came without even being touched.

Hawksky: Huh... ya know, I think he’s been touched plenty.

He was 'his boy' for the first time ever and it just felt so good to hear that from his father's mouth. It was just too much for him to handle any longer, and he was mumbling incoherently while he covered both of their stomachs in his white load. Dazed, Eli almost attempted to pull Big Boss down for a kiss, but immediately abandoned the insane idea when he met Big Boss's cold gaze. The moment was over as soon as it came and they were simple recruit and superior again.

Aziz: Who fuck sometimes.

Fallen: And also happen to be related.

Aziz: And are both into daddy kink.

Fallen: *giggling again*

Big Boss let his gaze slide over Liquid lying on his office table, and watched the slight squirm when he pulled out of him. His father let his hand slide through the blond hair beneath him for just the blink of an eye, before he turned away to light his obligatory cigar.

Puffing on his cigar, smoke curling in the air, he looked down at Liquid with a cold gaze. It was only then that Liquid got the hint that he was supposed to dress up again and leave the room, like he was always supposed to do. How could he even think that anything would be different now, just because Big Boss played along with his weird fantasies?

Hawksky: On the plus side, this is prime blackmail material!

Fallen: What’s he gonna do, pin “Big Boss is into DDLB” to the FOXHOUND community corkboard?

Aziz: I’m sure it’s had worse.

As Liquid left Big Boss to enjoy his cigar alone, he let a triumphant smile curve his mouth, feeling victorious for once. Who would have thought that he could catch Big Boss off guard by a simple slip of the tongue? He knew something about his father he could use now. Not as blackmail material or anything, 

Hawksky: Fool!

but at least he knew how he could get Big Boss all hot and bothered and that was everything he needed.

Some things changed after that day. Even though his father would never admit it, he couldn't deny that Liquid got called into his office more often. Big Boss didn't seem too bored with him anymore, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. And Eli could almost feel just a little bit superior,

Fallen: Now that’s just out-of-character.

Aziz: *snorts*

if his father wouldn't still have full control over him.

Yet again he got invited into Big Boss's office and Liquid slipped into the room with a big grin on his face. His father was sitting at his desk, looking through important files that needed to be checked by the boss himself.

Hawksky: You’d think he’d get that shit sorted before booty-calling his son.

"I'll be done in a minute. Prepare yourself." Big Boss mumbled without looking up to see who just came through the door. Liquid knew he shouldn't feel disappointed anymore, but he could never shake the desire of Big Boss to really look at him. He listened to him regardless and wordlessly stripped off his clothes until he was standing there, naked. Liquid stepped behind Big Boss and leaned over his shoulder to get the lube out of his desk's drawer. No reaction from his father yet.

Fallen: Do you think there’s, like, cleaning staff or something that ever wondered why the heck BB has lube in his desk drawer?

Aziz: Maybe he keeps it locked.

Fallen: BB’s dumb as bricks. The whole family is.

Aziz: Maybe the cleaning staff minds its own business?

Eli decided to try and push his luck today. He sat on the desk next to all the important files and started to work himself open, pulling his legs up to his chest for better access. He could see that his father tried to focus on the papers before him, but couldn't resist from glancing at the blond boy on his desk

Hawksky: >calling him Eli again >referring to a grown-ass man as a boy, in the narration

Yeesh. It’s like it’s trying to summon the “CGL IS LITERALLY PEDOPHILIA!!!!!” discourse.

from time to time. Eli's mission was a success so far, but now to get to the real thing. After working three of his fingers in up to the knuckle, he pulled them out again and stood up from the table. Still very cautious about his actions he carefully sat down on his father's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck.

"Daddy, I can't wait any longer."

Aziz:

he whispered into the other's ear, bucking his hips slightly, pleased to feel a bulge in Big Boss's pants already.

"Patience." his father mumbled

Aziz: I don’t think Liquid has a lot of that.

and Liquid wasn't sure who this statement was meant for. He wasn't thrown off yet, so Liquid took that as an invitation to keep going. His father just sat still, staring at the papers on his desk and clenching the pen in his right hand. He went back to writing something down while Liquid started bucking his hips. So he tried to ignore him, but Eli was prepared. He knew what to do.

Hawksky: Get the hell out of Dodge and never let anyone with an AO3 account near him again.

Fallen: It’s sad how tame this is compared to some of the stuff involving him on our AO3 account...

Hawksky: Emphasis on “anyone”.

He carefully opened the fly of Big Boss's pants and opened the zipper to free his already half-hard dick. He couldn't keep from licking his lips in anticipation, palming his father's cock to get it fully hard. Liquid could see him clenching his teeth from the corner of his eye and Liquid's face brightened up with the joy of success.

"I need your cock, daddy." Eli breathed out

Fallen:

and not even waiting for an answer, he let himself sink down on his father's dick,

Fallen: Woah, man. Consent!

spilling out a drawn-out moan right into the other's ear. Big Boss let his left hand rest on Liquid's hip, while he still insisted on keeping the pen in his right one.

Hawksky: I kind of feel bad for however would have to see this paperwork afterwards. “Hey, how come his handwriting goes all funny?”

Aziz: “And why does the paper smell like sweat and... lube?”

Fallen: ...implying that BB uses girly-ass scented lube? Or that anyone who’d be handling paperwork from FOXHOUND just kind of knows what it smells like anyway?

Aziz: Maybe BB would be the guy who uses that aggressively masculine gunpowder-scented lube.

Hawksky: After the M1911A1 scene in Snake Eater, I could honestly believe that. Big Boss is the second most likely person in the Metal Gear Solid franchise to just straight-up fuck a gun, after Ocelot.

Fallen: But that’s just a theory.......... a game theory

Oh, he would make him drop this pen soon enough. Liquid started moving his hips, quickly finding a good rhythm for both of them. He was already panting hard against Big Boss's neck when he could feel the hand on his hip dig into his skin.

"Liquid…" his father growled, his single eye still fixated on his desk. He could no longer suppress the obvious arousal in his voice.

“Yes, daddy?” Liquid purred

Hawksky:

and put an open mouthed kiss on Big Boss's neck, knowing very well that this was far more then he was allowed to do. That was the tipping point for his father. He threw his pen to the side and quickly yanked the papers away from his desk with one hand.

Fallen: Aren’t those, like, important?

Liquid got pressed on the table with the force he knew and loved from his father, faster than he would have thought was possible. His eyes went wide when he saw Big Boss stare down at him with a mix of pure arousal and anger.

Aziz: So, when does this turn into a snuff fic?

Fallen: It... doesn’t?

Aziz: Tch.

"You're being a very bad boy today, Eli." Big Boss spoke in a low voice. He gripped Liquid's throat to pin him down to the table, not that Eli would have tried to free himself anyway.

Aziz: Oh for God’s sake, don’t change it in the middle of a sentence, at least!!

"I'm sorry, I only wanted to- aaah!" He got cut short by his father thrusting into him again without mercy. He hit so deep, and with the hand still on his throat, Eli wasn't able to breathe for a couple of seconds, the air being pushed out by the last whine that came from his lips. Just when he started gasping uncontrollably, Big Boss withdrew his hand from his neck and instead pushed both of Liquid's legs up for better access.

"Oh, I don't care what you want, my boy,

Hawksky:

Aziz: I can’t believe I have to live in a world where that image exists.

Hawksky: If it makes you feel any better, it literally only took like five minutes in Photoshop, tops.

Aziz: It doesn’t, thanks.

but now you have to finish what you started." his father replied with a wicked grin on his face, picking up the pace with no regard to the boy lying under him. Liquid clenched his teeth to bear the momentary pain, but eventually started to rock his hips in rhythm, when his father started hitting that sweet spot in him over and over again. Tears that had collected in his eyes started to run down his cheeks,

Fallen: Thank you, hentai, for normalizing crying during sex. Now insecure people the world over have an excuse.

but he knew his father loved that look on him.

"Yes, I'm sorry, daddy, I'll do my best to please you! Please use me however you want."

Fallen: ...that really should not be a period.

Aziz: *as Liquid, filing nails* Ooh, mm. Harder, daddy, harder.

Liquid sputtered out between his moans and gasps for air. He was a lost case at this point.

Hawksky: Wasn’t he already?

There was nothing that mattered more than being useful to his daddy. No sense of honor or pride left in him, at least for the moment.

With his eyes rolling back in his head and his mouth hanging wide open, he tried his best to move his hips, feeling his orgasm build up. He wasn't allowed to touch himself and after so many times, Liquid wasn't able to come without his father's approval anymore. He noticed when he tried jerking off after Big Boss hadn't called him into his office for a few days. He had felt the need to come in the pit of his stomach, but he couldn't get over the edge without his father's permission.

Hawksky: What’s he gonna do when his brother lights BB the fuck up?

Aziz: Go celibate.

Fallen: Well, I bet Mantis’ll find that a much more palatable lifestyle.

He felt like he was reduced to a mere toy at his father's mercy, but he couldn't be happier.

Big Boss pushed his legs further apart and leaned down, roughly biting one of Eli's nipples which made him gasp at the sudden sensation. Liquid tried to keep his mouth closed while his father licked the sensitive skin on his chest, rolling the other nipple between his fingers. But his mouth was forced open, when his father pushed some of his fingers into it.

Aziz: Either that or the real reason why he wanted revenge on Snake was because he lost his psychological crutch for orgasms.

Fallen: I think starting a terrorist insurrection and hijacking a bunch of nukes might be a bit of an overreaction to being cut off from orgasms.

Aziz: Ahhh, spoken like a true asexual.

Fallen: ???

"I wanna hear you, my boy."

Hawksky: Hey, it’s not like this is the first time MGS has been crossed over with the LoZ CDI or anything...

Big Boss rumbled low in his throat. Keeping his hand where it was, he bit and sucked on Liquid's neck, what made a choked sound escape Eli's throat. The blond boy started moaning his daddy's name, his father's fingers still holding his mouth open so he drooled on the table beneath him.

His father's thrusts were getting faster and only moments later, he could feel his cum filling him up completely.

Aziz: Welp, that was fast.

Fallen: I guess Liquid can stick “Big Boss ejaculates prematurely” right under “Big Boss is into DDLB”.

Aziz: At that point, it’s not a community corkboard anymore. It’s a journey of discovery.

Pressing his eyes shut, he tried to focus on the sensation of being pumped full of Big Boss's seed. It was something that didn't happen very often, his father usually pulled out before he came and covered Liquid in his cum. His neglected cock was twitching painfully and he wanted nothing more than to let go.

"Daddy, please!

Aziz:

Hawksky: Wrong Snake.

Please, please…" he babbled, clenching his hands and arching his back. He couldn't last any longer and he needed permission right now. Big Boss just stared down at him, still buried deep inside and catching his breath.

"Please what?" he purred, knowing the answer full well, but not able to let Eli off the hook so easily. Of course his father had noticed Liquid's psychological problem by now. Liquid was arching off the table, clawing at his father's shoulders just to grip something, anything.

"Please, tell me I can come, daddy!

Fallen:

Open offer to any and all readers: I will literally PayPal five bucks to anyone who will do the cummies song in their best (worst) Liquid Snake impression.

Please, I need to come!" Liquid sobbed through his tears, wrapping his arms around Big Boss's neck, trying to get over the edge somehow, but he just couldn't.

"And why should I give such a bad boy permission to do so?" his father growled, holding Liquid by his jaw so he would look him in the eye. Tears were running down Liquid's face, his dick red and swollen pressed between them.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, daddy! I'll do anything you want. I'll be a good boy from now on, just let me come please."

Fallen: You could also do any of the lines from this fic in the most bored tone of voice you can muster with that exaggerated accent. I’m not paying for that, though.

Aziz: I unironically, sincerely hope you’ve just unleashed a monster, Fallen.

Eli whined, gasping for air because of his father's tight grip on him. Big Boss slowly leaned down and for a moment, Liquid's clouded mind thought he was about to kiss him, when he leaned to the side to whisper the relieving words into his ear.

"I'll look over it just this once, because you tried so hard. Now come, my boy."

Hawksky: One last CDI joke for the road. ...shit, I’ve used all of mine.

Aziz: Blew your creative load with that edit, huh?

Hawksky: Maybe we could start some discourse about how King Harkinian is an objectively better father than Big Boss.

Aziz: How? That’s 100% undeniably true.

Fallen: Especially in the context of this fic!

Hawksky: Hey, in the context of this fic, Big Boss is King Harkinian.

he whispered and that was all Liquid needed to finally get over the edge. He coated both of them in his white seed,

Fallen:

flopping back on the table as soon as the last spurt of semen left him. When his father pulled out of him, Liquid was still breathing heavily, his head spinning.

"Clean yourself up." his father mumbled, throwing an old towel at him.

Hawksky: Does he have a towel on-hand specifically for sex with his son, or does Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy just have good life advice?

Fallen: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is FULL of good life advice.

He did as he was told, still staring up at the ceiling, allowing himself a moment to collect his thoughts before sitting up. Big Boss had sat down on his couch, smoking his cigar like he always did. Eli couldn't wipe the grin from his face when an idea occurred to him, an idea that really had no good outcome, but he really felt like pushing his luck today.

Aziz: Didn’t we already do this like a dozen paragraphs ago?

He stood up from the table and wiped away the cum that was still dripping from between his legs, quickly throwing on his clothes before he went over to where his father was sitting. He could already see the order of "You're dismissed." on Big Boss's lips when Eli pointed at the cigar. Confused as to what Eli was trying to say, the older man looked down to the cigar in his hand and that was when Eli took his chance. He leaned down and kissed his father's cheek.

Fallen: The fact that that’s, all things considered, pretty normal just makes it really weird.

Hawksky: Welcome to socially unacceptable kinks, Fallen.

Not giving Big Boss any time to react, Eli sprinted to the door, fleeing the room. Just as he shut the door behind him, he heard a low growl deep from Big Boss's throat.

And even if he would be punished the next time Liquid would get called into his father's office, he couldn't care less.

Aziz: Well, judging by the pitiful state of the BBLiquid tag on AO3, the author never followed up on that last line.

Fallen: I’d say “shame”, but it’s really not.

Aziz: I’m always down for obscure pairings.

Hawksky: And I’m always down for making fun of them! But we’re done here, so...

Fallen: So I’d call this sporking a success!

Aziz: To be honest, I was worried we wouldn’t be able to come up with enough jokes...

Fallen: CGL’s a meme right now, we didn’t need jokes.

Aziz: Point.

Hawksky: We’re serious about the PayPal offer, by the way.

(Which brings today’s sporking to an end. There, content. Y’all happy? Yes? No? Hey, I updated, I did my part. Now to bum around for the rest of the day uselessly, and maybe play some Pokémon Sun...)

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 3x03-- The One Where Diane Joins the Resistance

Thoughts on this episode under the cut. I believe this is my shortest recap of the season even though it’s the longest episode ever of The Good Fight. 

I don’t like this episode title. It should be called “The One That’s An Hour Long” because that’s what I’m going to remember it as. This episode doesn’t feel padded-- there’s too much going on for it to feel padded-- but it does feel unnecessarily long.

A previously introduces Blum, again. I watched his antics three times last week; I can assure you I don’t need a reminder of what he’s like.

This is my second time through this episode, btw. The other episodes I’ve watched three times (morning of release, with my roommate, while writing these posts) but I told my roommate to go ahead and watch this one without me. Tbh, I’m not looking forward to sitting through it again. Y’all may be in for some nitpicking and ranting.

Lots of music this season: this ep starts off with a song about how 45 is hurting us with misinformation. This is the brilliant plan concocted by the resistance group Diane found while throwing axes. Diane thinks this video is terrible (she’s not wrong) but the rest of the crowd eats it right up.

Parts of this scene-- which satirizes liberals-- are funny. Other parts I’m not sure about. I can’t tell if the ASL interpreter is there because a gathering like this would, realistically, be inclusive or if I’m supposed to roll my eyes at how inclusive liberals are trying to be. I really, sincerely hope it’s the former.

Diane tries to ask a question and she’s overruled, but then some dude in the audience gets to ask a question. If I’m reading this right, they certainly got the sexism of liberal bros right.

The most accurate part of this satire happens next: an audience member points out that the video didn’t mention single-payer healthcare. The filmmaker, reasonably, says they couldn’t touch on every issue, but the audience member insists that single-payer healthcare is THE issue. Another audience member argues that THE issue is global warming. Then the entire crowd starts arguing. That is about how I’d expect this sort of meeting to go.

A middle-aged blonde woman taps Diane on the shoulder and asks her to follow. Diane does, as the entire crowd starts chanting “re-edit” at the filmmaker (which I don’t think would happen but whatever).

Outside, the blonde asks Diane if she wants “a mission.” “You have two options. You could go back in there and they’ll make you the co-chair of the subcommittee on bake sales [...] or you could do something. I’m looking for people who are sick of just bitching and moaning. People who are sick of screaming at the news,” the woman explains. She hands Diane a card with an address and walks away. (There’s no time on the card, but time doesn’t matter on this show.)

Roland Blum is back, and he’s fallen asleep on the RBL elevator. Lucca’s listening to a kid’s song (with no headphones!) when she notices Blum. Maia’s waiting in reception and tells Lucca that Liz wants to see her. Lucca worries she had a meeting scheduled and Maia goes to deal with Blum.

What if I just didn’t recap him? God, I’m tired of him existing.

Blum makes fun of Maia’s small, unassigned desk, which… can’t she just book a conference room for them? “Oh my fucking God, how can anyone take you seriously?” Blum asks. This is… one of the less offensive things he’s said, because it’s kind of true.

Blum notices that someone else has an office and asks Maia who it is. Instead of answering that she’s a co-worker, or with her name, Maia says “she’s a third-year too” which can only make the problem worse. Now it doesn’t just look like Maia works for a firm that’s pressed for space; it looks like Maia is one of the weaker employees at a firm that’s pressed for space.

Good lord. BOOK A DAMN CONFERENCE ROOM.

Lucca’s apologetic when she comes in for the meeting with Liz, but Liz says they didn’t have a meeting scheduled. Liz asks how matrimonial law is going; Lucca says it’s going well. Then Liz says she has a divorce referral for Lucca: herself.

“It’s a long time coming. We’ve had our tensions and, uh, barely even, uh,” Liz explains. That’s most of the explanation we get for why she wants to divorce. I wish we got a little more insight into what her marriage is like, but I don’t mind that much. Plus, we did see her husband being kind of awful with the client list in 2x10.

Also, Liz hasn’t yet told her husband she’s asking for a divorce.

Maia has found a conference room to use, finally. ASA Zschau walks in. He’s taking over the case for Matan and now I miss BrainDead. Also, Spencer Zschau has been an AUSA every time we’ve seen him and now he’s an ASA.

(Yes, I think it’s more important to note the change in Zschau’s job and that Maia found a conference room than it is to note anything plot-related in that scene.)

Liz asks her husband for a divorce the second he arrives home. Maybe not the best strategy. He does not take it well. Okay, I lied, I do want to know more about their marriage. Then again, I think that Ian’s sudden switch to BURN IT ALL DOWN mode (despite Liz’s plea to keep everything civil for their son) says a lot.

Diane goes to a creepy underground meeting spot and finds the Resistance. It’s full of white ladies, mostly around Diane’s age. It’s run by a Valerie Payser, who claims she worked in the Obama White House. All the white ladies eat her story right up.

This is another plot I don’t care much about, especially the second time through. My main comment on this scene is simply that it got New Rules stuck in my head.

Diane eats it right up. The Kings have mentioned that they considered bringing Alicia back for an episode where she and Diane meet at “the resistance” and if it was supposed to be this episode, I’m SO glad they didn’t. I don’t want Alicia back on the show. I don’t want Alicia on the show in a Diane plot (if she comes back it’s gotta be a Lucca plot). And Alicia would NEVER fall for this resistance bullshit. Diane I believe; she’s always been a little impulsive when she’s angry. Alicia? No.

LOL, I see we’re still doing the fake-but-could-plausibly-be-real-even-though-they-feel-like-a-hallucination news stories this season. (This one’s about cynaide in school lunches.)

Liz is no longer working with the DNC (Diane asks) because she was too radical. I thought that was exactly the reason they hired her?

To be fair to Diane, she does seem to want to check her sources on this underground resistance group; she says she wants to make sure it’s real. This is… not what she proceeds to do.

Maia has called a meeting of the name partners + Julius. “You told me last year that if I wanted anything at this firm, I have to ask for it. I want an office,” she declares. Go Maia! (Yes, I said that.)

“Uh, well, Maia, the issue here is space, and we wish we had more. We’re growing, and we hope that all associates, even second-years, will have an office,” Liz responds. Heh, Liz thinks Maia is a second-year and I see why she has that impression. Plus, does Maia’s first year really count since she didn’t do ANY work during it?

Maia corrects her. “I try not to make a fuss, but, Jenna Diamond. She was given an office, even though she joined the firm six months after me,” Maia argues. Well, is Jenna Diamond a more valuable asset for the firm? I’ve seen people at my company be promoted over others who have been there longer, and I don’t think that’s inherently unfair. Given how terrible Maia is at her job, I’m guessing that Jenna is just… better.

Or, as Julius explains, Jenna was on a big case and needed the space. This seems like a bad way to decide who gets offices. Why not hot desk the offices or give them for the duration of a case? Either base it off of performance/rank or don’t assign it permanently.

“And I’m working with Roland Blum,” Maia informs the partners. She informs the partners of this well after she deliberately causes a mistrial. So like, Maia’s now asking for an office because she didn’t ask for help or keep the partners posted on any development of a case they should’ve been looped in on AND she’ll now need to rework. The firm can’t be making much money off of this. If they were, Maia wouldn’t be handling it on her own.

I still don’t understand why Maia is handling ANYTHING on her own in the first place.

Maia says it’s embarrassing to work at her hot desk. Fair.

“She’s using Roland Blum to get an office,” Julius says after Maia leaves. “She still has a point,” Diane responds. “If we give her an office, we’ll have 20 other associates pounding on our door,” Julius continues. And that didn’t happen when they gave Jenna Diamond an office? This seems like a problem that would continue to happen if third-years are working cases without a second chair (or without being the second chair) but don’t have their own offices. Why not just have a few open offices you can hot desk in when you’re meeting with clients?

Liz steps out because Lucca’s got info from Ian’s lawyer. Ian wants to void the prenup, retain ownership of the house (which I think Liz got in her divorce from Adrian lol), and full custody. He also thinks Liz is hiding money at the firm. That escalated quickly.

He’s also going after Liz for adultery (it voids the prenup if she cheated). Lucca looks so uncomfortable talking to her boss about this!

Liz wants to know who Ian is accusing her of sleeping with. Lucca glances at Adrian’s office, but since Diane is still there, Liz initially thinks that Lucca is implying that Ian thinks Liz and DIANE had a thing. But no, he’s accusing Liz of sleeping with Adrian.

Credits! Is it me or did the opening of the theme music change this week?

Michael Sheen is credited with “special appearance by.” This gives me hope he won’t be in every episode.

Jenna’s office is now Maia’s, and I hope the partners understood what they were doing when they kicked someone out of their office for MAIA RINDELL. I don’t think they did, because Jenna’s left a note pad with the top sheet reading FUCK YOU on Maia’s chair. At the same time that I applaud Maia asking for things if she wants them, could she have worked out a deal with Jenna to use her office when Blum comes in?

Maia pastes the FUCK YOU note on the window-wall and smirks at Jenna. Yes, because what you really want to do when you’ve fucked over a coworker for funsies/because you’re entitled is to piss her off even more. I think we’ve established that Maia and I follow different logic.

Marissa-- who is not lacking in sass-- also disapproves of the FUCK YOU sign, but Maia doesn’t care. And then Marissa gets distracted by some resumes in Julius’s office and leaves.

Marissa walks into Julius’s office and says he’s running for a federal judgeship. She doesn’t ask, she says. She recognizes the campaign manager from one of her dad’s campaigns (I would LOVE an Eli cameo this season) and advises Julius not to keep campaign manager resumes out in the open. Good advice, but not immediately clear to me why Marissa is interested in advising Julius on how to successfully become a judge when she knows that he’s conservative.

Lucca, Liz, and Adrian discuss whether or not Liz and Adrian have recently had sex. Lucca is very uncomfortable and suggests that Liz hire another lawyer because of how personal this is becoming; Liz resists. Liz and Adrian insist it won’t get personal, then immediately begin whispering about the times they hooked up after their divorce (but before Liz’s second marriage). They’re not whispering quietly enough, which means that Lucca hears enough to look grossed out and I can hear enough to realize their dialogue ~what happened in the bathroom~ is very similar to Alicia and Will’s dialogue in 5x04.

Court stuff happens. Blum lies outrageously.

Maia praises Blum for lying outrageously in court.

Ian’s divorce attorney is the guy they didn’t hire at RBL last week. Wow, Ian isn’t playing around.

Marissa’s campaign advice is, as you would expect, great advice. And Julius wants more of it. Is Marissa doing this for free? Is she doing it because she wants to feel like she could do her dad’s job?

Ian had his detectives spy on Liz and Adrian so, yeah, I can see why that marriage failed. Liz and Adrian spent 3 hours together after Adrian was shot. Yes, so suspicious. The only thing they could possibly have done in three hours is fucking.

Adrian insists it was caretaking, not sex, and Jay is all, “for three hours?” Is it really so unreasonable that two people could spend three hours together and not fuck?!?!?!?

Maia realizes her client (and Blum’s client) are guilty. She’s stumped. Blum teaches her, yet again, how to make the facts fit the story. We get it. WE. GET. IT.

Also Blum’s story is so over the top no one would believe it. At least, I hope not…

Diane’s #Resistance decides to go after troll farms. Excuse me. They decide to go after a specific troll farm. But they only make that decision after an explainer song about troll farms. The troll farm song, actually, understand what this subplot does not: “we won’t ever beat ‘em ‘til we learn how not to feed ‘em.” Outing an office full of trolls is not going to shut down any of the other offices of trolls. It’s not even going to shut down this office of trolls. (Also, are troll farms literal offices? This seems unnecessary.) Teaching people to fact check and pressuring tech companies to prevent abuses of their platforms will do far more than whatever it is this #Resistance does.

(Of course, I get why Valerie thinks this is a good “mission”-- because she doesn’t give a fuck about missions-- but I don’t get why savvy computer woman, who would almost certainly know better, thinks it is.)

Blum is chilling in Diane’s office and they have a very long conversation about justice and politics and the necessity of lying and blah blah blah, these are not new themes.

The psilocybin is still in Diane’s desk even though we saw her throw it out.

Blum knew Jonas Stern. Oof. I buy that. I don’t necessarily think Stern (who I assume was liberal) and Blum were close, but I can see them being of the same era and even hanging out despite political differences.

Is Blum meant to be older than he looks? The people he mentions as his contemporaries are all way older than he is.

Diane calls Valerie and shares a brilliant idea we’ve only seen this show already do three to five times: CREATE THEIR OWN FAKE NEWS. WOWOWOWOW GROUND BREAKING.

Oh and the NSA nerds are back. This time they’re listening to Diane. Joy. Can’t we be done with this? Also, why did Valerie Payser, who isn’t real, get a cell phone registered to that name? She could just get a burner.

The White Lady Resistance (I think @Nikkaphon called it this first and that’s what it is) is having a great time making up fake news.

“Melissa Long” sounds so much like “Marissa Gold” that for a second I thought Marissa was volunteering to manage Julius’s campaign long before he asked.

Why does Jay think Liz and Adrian fucked?! He is like, very intent on proving this. I think he’s playing bad cop but it doesn’t sound like it.    

I’m not recapping every line of this-- mostly because I don’t have the patience to-- but the Liz/Adrian/Lucca plot was far and away my favorite plot of the week. It felt grounded, character-driven, and revealing… and it provided an excuse for Audra McDonald to sing!

(It’s a little strange having a character-driven plot in this VERY theme-driven episode of this mostly theme-driven show. It’s a reminder that I do tend to prefer character-driven shows to theme-driven shows. I prefer both to plot-driven shows, but I don’t think TGW or TGF will ever be plot-driven.)

I repeat: Audra McDonald is singing! I like that they have her sing in flashback so it’s not 100% clear if Liz has an amazing voice or if Adrian perceives Liz’s voice as amazing.

Isn’t this the same song that played over Cartoon Villain Rindell’s suicide attempt? Interesting choice. I am fully in support of reclaiming that song.

It’s fall in this episode but I think it’s meant to be spring. As I’ve said, this show does not care about time.

Blum misses court and Maia seizes a kind of shady opportunity to cut a deal that’s good for her client and bad for Blum’s client. Maia’s method involves tricking someone over the phone, which is the one thing Maia’s actually proven she’s good at.

Liz and Adrian’s innocent story works up until the point where a detective reveals he saw Liz buy the morning-after pill at Rite-Aid.

There are too many clowns in this season.

There was a riot at the troll farm and Diane jumps for joy. I’m kind of embarrassed for her.

Liz is in Diane’s contacts as “Elizabeth Reddick-Lawrence”

Diane calls Valerie to share word of the victory, but Valerie’s gone! The NSA is suspicious of Valerie’s disappearance.

It’s still storming. Melissa Long, Julius’s potential campaign manager, wants to charge him for an interview; Julus thinks that’s ridiculous. He then asks Marissa to run his campaign, and Marissa agrees. Next week-- or whenever we pick this plot up again-- can we please delve into her motivations for agreeing? I think right now it’s just that it inflates her ego.

Why did Liz buy the morning after pill? She didn’t want to have another child… with Ian.

Geoffrey Payton’s next attack is on RBL’s financials, specifically on the payments to “Reddick” in March. These are the payoffs for the women (four of them, which means there are actually at least five since Wendy wouldn’t accept payment) Carl assaulted, but Liz and Adrian don’t want to divulge that. It would ruin Carl’s reputation and, now, make the firm look bad (cover-up, not the crime), so Liz refuses to let this line of questioning go any further.

Lucca takes a minute-- and I really appreciate this-- to be disappointed in her hero. “I came to this firm because of him,” she says.

Liz demands full custody-- the one thing she’s unwilling to compromise on-- but gives in to Ian’s other demand to void the prenup. Poor Liz.

“I hate that he wins ‘cause of this,” Lucca says. “So do I,” Liz agrees.

The judge asks Adrian out. Curious where this will go.

Destroying the troll farm knocked two points off of 45’s approval rating. I don’t believe it. Valerie is missing and no one can find her. Diane says she’ll have her investigator look into it.

Diane sends Jay a text that says “no more texts” and contains sensitive information. This lands Jay on the NSA’s list. What is the point of a text saying no more texts? Just say you have something for him to work on, can you meet?

The NSA stuff isn’t bad, but haven’t we done this enough?

Blum is PISSED at Maia. He’s also being a hypocrite, but that’s the least of his character flaws. He growls and breaks Maia’s office’s window-wall with a laptop. Maia isn’t intimidated. She tells him off, and she actually had my support right up until she picked up the laptop (that is the property of the firm that employs her) and broke a second window-wall (of the firm that employs her and just gave her an office because she asked for one). I already thought her entitled ass was lucky to have a job, and now she’s going to go breaking her own firm’s property just to show her badassery? Just go back to the sunglasses, Maia.

Marissa gives her a look that encapsulates everything I just said, to which Maia responds, “The fuck are you looking at?” Okay Maia. Just because you’re a badass now doesn’t mean you have to be rude to your friends.

(As I’ve mentioned in past weeks, I’m just criticizing how terribly petulant Maia’s behavior is… somehow, I do think this is good character development for her. Maia turning into an entitled lying ball of resentment with a grudge against everyone who didn’t give her the world simply for existing is, in many ways, the natural place for her character to go. It doesn’t require her to suddenly become strategic, it doesn’t require her to become a brilliant legal mind, and it doesn’t require any rewriting of the fundamental traits of her character. I may not like or agree with new Maia, but likability is bullshit. If they can make this arc interesting, and justify its existence,  maybe I’ll even like it.)

Jay finds out that Valerie Payser doesn’t exist; she’s really a criminal who preys on rich liberal white ladies with lots of money. What a shock that a secret underground resistance of white ladies might be a scam.

Diane hallucinates/daydreams Blum singing “I’ll be there” in front of terrible green screen backgrounds and my only thought is NOPE.

Inspired by Blum and the strategy of LYING WORKS, Diane decides to fake an email (she is reading off a blank screen but she totally would’ve drafted this) from Valerie and let the White Lady Resistance continue.

Blum has Maia arrested for having hospice drugs. I assume he planted them recently, because if Maia had kept them around after Blum threatened to do exactly this last week, she’s even less bright than I thought.

Well, that’s over.