#not to mention that person's spelling made my eyes bleed

[itsphoenix0724]

Meet Me On The Ice (Azriel x Reader)~ Chapter 1

Summary: You and Lucien Vanserra have been skating together since you were children, but when he has an accident that takes him out right before championships you turn to your brother and his hockey team to fill the position. His best friend Azriel has lethal grace on the ice and owes your brother a favor, which seems like a match made in heaven, except you can’t stand each other. Can you and Azriel pull a routine together in time for your competition, or will it all spiral out of control?

MMOTI masterlist

Warnings: mentions of injury, blood

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: Hello everyone! Happy December, my final exams are over so I'm so excited to get back into writing! As you all know I've been planning this for a while, so I hope you're all as excited as I am!!

DISCLAIMER: I am not a figure skater or a hockey player, so while I'm trying to be as accurate as possible, it's likely some things may not be correct and/or are bent a little to fit the plot!

Figure skating is a lot more thrilling than people give it credit for. Only a few people are willing to be thrown 5 feet in the air at 20 miles an hour and completely trust the other person to catch them. 

The ice was always your happy place. The biting chill against your skin, the feel of gliding across the rink faster than light. It was thrilling, to say the least. You and Lucien had worked so hard this season to advance this far, and you only had a couple of competitions left before the both of you graduated from university. The two of you were on a winning streak, and this competition looked like it would turn out no different. Your coach smiled from the sidelines as the two of you performed in perfect sync, his hands around your waist as he lifted you effortlessly into the air before resting you safely back on your skates. It was time for the big finish, you sped in a circle around the rink executing a triple toe and Lucien built up his momentum to launch his axel. Your eyes dart to the judges' impressed faces before you whip your head back to him and- 

Something’s wrong. 

The angle– the spin, is all out of balance, and in the blink of an eye, Lucien hits the ice. His head makes a sickening crack on the ground as red floods around him, and his right leg is twisted in the wrong way. The scream you let out doesn’t even sound like yours as you race over to him, the sounds of the crowd echoing around you in a sick symphony. 

“Oh my god” 

“Someone call an ambulance!” 

“Get him off the ice quick!” 

You don’t hear any of them too busy trying to shake Lucien awake with tears streaming down your cheeks, but he’s knocked out cold. A blur of red is next to you and it takes you a moment before you realize it’s Lucien’s mother. It’s another gut-wrenching eternity of trying your best to hold a towel against his head to stop the bleeding, Lucien still unresponsive, before the gentle hands of a paramedic ease you away from your best friend. You watch with abject horror as they load him onto a stretcher, and carry him out of the rink. Helping Lucien’s mother off of the ice, she follows them outside. The ringing in your ears still hasn’t stopped, not even when your own mother and father come racing down the arena steps, a hand coming out to hold your jaw, and another wrapping your coat around your shoulders. Before you blink again they’re ushering you out of the rink and into the car. 

It’s two days before you can see Lucien in the hospital. 

You had driven in complete silence, anxiety coiled like a viper in the pit of your stomach. Parking your car in the visitor lot you look at the teddy bear you buckled safely into your passenger seat, its soft brown hands clutching a heart with cursive writing spelling Get Well Soon.  It had been dumb and cheesy, but you snagged it at the grocery store while picking up some of Lucien’s favorite snacks and couldn’t resist. 

Hopefully, it would make him laugh at least.

The nurse at the desk smiles at you kindly before pointing you in the right direction of his room. The atmosphere of the hospital weighs painfully on your shoulders as the elevator ride seems to stretch on for decades. You thankfully find Lucien’s room easily enough, his russet eyes light up at the sight of you even with the angry red stitches that run through his hair. 

“There she is!” He bellows, eyeing the bear and the bag of treats with interest. You set them on his bed and he laughs a joyous sound as he props the bear next to him on the bed, declaring it his new best friend. 

“How are you feeling?” You ask tentatively, settling into a chair next to his bed. His leg is in a cast, elevated, and you run your bottom lip between your teeth with worry. 

“I’m alright, all things considered.” He promises rifling through the bag to dig out the pack of spicy chips, “I’ve got a concussion, and my legs broken so bad I’ll be in physical therapy for months.” Lucien meets your eyes mournfully, looking as if you’d just punched him in the face. “I won’t be able to skate for the rest of the season. I’m so sorry.” He dips his eyes averting his gaze to the broken leg, like glaring at it hard enough will force it back together again. You feel your heart sink to your feet, but you refuse to let it show, trying to keep a happy smile on your face. 

“None of that matters, all I care about is that you’re okay.” You reach out to grip his hand, and his warm palms engulf your own.

“You can find another partner to finish the season,” He urges,  Lucien’s other hand comes up to cup your cheek, wiping away the silver trying to fight its way out of your eyes despite your best efforts. You had already registered in the partner skate division, so it was too late to switch now. But even thought makes your stomach turn.

“No one could ever replace you,” You promise, leaning into his warmth. It’s the truth. You had been skating with Lucien since you were small, and now you’re about to graduate from university. There could be no one else. No one else that, without fail, had such a warm touch even on the ice rink. No one else you could trust to catch you every time, even if it means sacrificing his safety. 

You had tried to skate with one other partner, once, in freshman year when Lucien caught the flu so bad he was puking for weeks. It hadn’t ended well and you hadn’t trusted anyone since. 

“You should skate your last season. Even if this new guy will never be as good as me.” It’s a lighthearted attempt at a joke, and you accept the crutch of humor, chest rising with a breath of laughter. “You could ask Rhys, maybe he’d do it? He used to skate before he switched to hockey right?” That was true, but he switched to hockey right before middle school to play with his friends, maybe he’d consider it if it didn’t conflict too much with his schedule. 

“I’ll think about it, let's focus on tearing through these snacks in the meantime,” You snag the peanut butter cups out of his bag despite Lucien’s vehement protests and turn the staticky hospital tv to shitty afternoon cartoons. 

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

You held your tears in successfully until you got home. You didn’t want Luicen to feel guilty, didn’t want him to see you cry, so here you were curled in a ball under your covers. Hiding from your problems like a child, hoping if you just ignored them long enough they would magically solve themselves. You had asked Rhys earlier about possibly skating with you, but between learning to take over your father’s business, university, and hockey he understandably regretfully declined. The bedroom door creaks open, hearing the delicate tread of Rhys’s footsteps before he settles next to you on the bed, rubbing a soothing hand along your curved form. 

“It’ll be alright I promise,” Rhys mutters. “I think I might have a solution, but I don’t think you’re going to like it.” You rise from your chosen shelter, raising a brow and wiping at your tear-stained cheek. 

“What is it?” You question, and Rhys almost flinches. “I’ll do almost anything to skate again.” He must see the desperation and he carries on anyway. 

“Azriel is still suspended from the team at the moment, and he owes me a favor…” Rhys watches your eyes catch up to his words, the disgust flashing in them. Both of Rhys’s best friends had couched surfed at your house at one time or another, and you and Azriel had never gotten along. Not like sunshiney Cassian, who may be viscous on the ice but was one of the most gentle people you knew. Cas was the one who made an effort to include you in activities, who playfully tossed you in the pool in the summer, and took you for long drives when you were upset. Azriel spent those summers by the pool brooding in the shade until you left, and was currently suspended from the Velaris University hockey team for throwing another player so hard into the glass he was concussed. “You said you would do almost anything to skate again,” Rhys raises his hands in surrender and you roll your eyes. 

“What about Cassian?” you offer. He would probably do it for you, but Cas wasn’t suited for figure skating. His style was too brutish, it was nothing against him, he just wouldn’t pick up the flow and patience you needed to skate with the music fast enough in time for the competition. As much as you hated to admit it, Azriel moved across the ice like smoke, flowing and ebbing with a lethal grace you couldn’t help but admire. 

“Cas is too busy with school and hockey,” Rhys had clearly already run through the option. You knew that if you begged Cassian he probably would, but his stance at the school depended entirely on his grades and his performance in hockey. You wouldn’t give him any chance to mess up his scholarship.  “Please just talk to Az with me tomorrow.” 

“Fine.” You relent, perhaps with a little more attitude than necessary. So you correct yourself, Rhys is going out of his way to help you. “Thank you.” He gives you a small smile, pressing a kiss to your forehead before leaving your room. 

So that was how you found yourself bundled up at the rink, at six in the fucking morning, with Rhy watching Azriel practice. He moved like a panther, prowling around the ice and slapping the puck with such ferocity the crack makes you flinch. He tears off his helmet, skating over with a mop of sweat-soaked hair. Az’s hazel eyes flick over you once in distaste before dismissing you completely and turning his attention to Rhys, which makes your temper rise to a heated spark of fury. Your brother clears his throat, nudging you on the back to speak. Azriel turns back to you and raises a cold dark brow.  

“Would you please consider being my skating partner for my last few competitions this season? Please” you choke out, trying your best to send him a pleasant smile. Then, Azriel actually has the balls to laugh at you. 

“Yeah, I heard about what happened to Vanserra. What makes you think I would ever want to do that?” Azriel chuckles out, voice dripping with sarcasm. You’re about to agree, call this whole mess off, and return to the comfort of your bed when Rhys cuts in. 

“Because you owe me,” The two of them have some silent stare-down that you wish you could be privy to. Whatever Rhys had done for Azriel in the past it must have been big because after a moment Azriel fixes those molten eyes on you again. 

“Fine, I’ll do it. Be here tomorrow at five so we can try to figure out this shitshow.” He tucks his helmet back over his head and prowls back around to the ice. You guess you’ll be meeting him here tomorrow night and you find yourself agreeing with the sentiment that this will be a shit show indeed.   

[yoonkinii]

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Baldurs Gate:

Astarion

We Were Human

Synopsis: Astarion died as soon as he became something the world has never seen before. No one noticed the damage before it was too late and the Astarion everyone loved was lost to the new one. No one could notice when the turn was slow and silent. He slowly lost the playful glint in his eyes. Lost the love he gaze upon me with. Lost everything that made him the man I loved. Oh, how I would give anything to get him back. I would gladly give up my damned soul for him.

(Aka you are transported back to the past in order to prevent Astarion from losing himself once more. The only problem? You don't have a lot of time.)

Theme Song: Vore - Sleep Token

"You have become the voice in my head Only recourse we're left after death Your viscera welcome me in, welcome me in My life is torn, my bones, they bleed My metaphors fall short in the end Your flesh and bone welcome me in, welcome me in Are you in pain like I am?"

Pairing(s): Ascended!AstarionxReader

Warning(s): Gore, blood, cruelty, cursing, death/murder, mentions of using oneself unwillingly, abuse. Its ascended astarion, prepare for the worst. (Will be updated as more parts are released)

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ...

Status: on hold

Note(s):

For the sake of the plot- Astarion will not automatically be damned from the start. In this world, Astarion becomes lost to the ascension overtime until he becomes the ascended vampire we know him to be in the game. Another note that should be highlighted is that this story will be told from the first person perspective since it benefits the story more than any other perspective.

You will also notice various things being different from the game. For example, Karlach will be able to stay in the ‘human’ world and she fixed her heart. (I love my girl, I’m not sending her back), Szaars palace has a different layout cause the one in the game was stupid. There will be more that you will notice in the future so beware. You notice many things that were not included in the game but it I ensure that it is on purpose and isn't just there randomly. It should also be noted that when I post, I post the raw draft before I go back and edit the story. I do this so I am able to post consistently without having readers wait. I will go back and edit once I am able so if you notice spelling mistakes, I apologize.

Soulless Soul

Spawn!AstarionxAbsolute!VampyreReader

 Synopsis: There he stands, eyes downcast and shoulders caving in on himself. He does not look weary as he was pricked and prodded to fit the standards of his master. He has no idea why he is here- lined up amongst his siblings in the dining hall. His back aches, scars he knows that have not healed properly catching onto the rough fabric of his shirt. He watched the floor, he knew better not to meet the eyes of the predators that lurked before. He doesn’t even look up when the hem of an emerald green dress stands before him.

“This one. I want this one.” 

He does not allow himself the privilege of hope to blossom in his chest at those words. 

Theme Song: Soulless Creatures - Aurora

All the pieces of my body's gone Look at me now and tell me how I feel inside Every pieces that I lost, I have loved

Warning(s):  mentions of sexual trauma, Physical assault, gore, death, panic attacks, cursing, (more will be added as the story progresses if needed)

Note(s): Redacted in case of spoilers. I will upload notes with the first chapter

Part(s): TBA

Jujutsu Kaisen:

Gojo Satoru

Perfectly Imperfect

Synopsis: Everyone is born with a soulmate. Everyone knows by the time they hit age 18, a different kind of soulmate mark will appear. Some are unable to see color until they meet their soulmates gaze, others have matching tattoos. These are the more common ones; ones that can be tracked down in history but others are rare. So rare that there’s rarely any information available about it. Rare like yours and the only case of this soulmarking was dated decades ago with only two lines describing it.

"Person A and Person B afflicted by this marking will discover themselves to be covered in string-like tattoo markings in certain areas. These areas are what the soulmate A or B deem unworthy of themselves; or rather, what they hate about themself."

This wouldn't be a problem for you if it wasnt for the fact that everything from the collarbone to your ankles was decorated in white string-like lines.

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x Reader

Theme song: Bonfire - wave to earth

What color is my sky painted? What color is your emotion? Close your eyes slowly and feel the wind. The bonfire is fading out. Maybe we are falling Falling down with the rain.

amore mio aiutami- Piero Piccioni (literally the song that plays when M/C looks at him)

Warning(s):

18+, Sub!Gojo (gasp!), cursing, mentions of self-hate, discussion of Self-hate, mentions of minor character death- Will be added as chapters progress but if you see something that I didn’t include here, please let me know!

Note(s):

Expect this to be a short fic. I do not plan on having this over 6 parts and even then it could be less or couple chapters more. Depends on how I write everything.

Part(s): TBA

Ryomen Sukuna

Snippets of Love

Synopsis: Glimpses of your relationship with Sukuna through prompts/questions.

Paring: Sukuna x Reader

Theme Song: Heart To Heart - Mac DeMarco

So I had a late Arrival So, we never saw the start of each others lives heart to heart

Notable tags: ModernAU, slight age gap, Canon/Fanon implements, Sukuna still has his tattoos, CEO Sukuna, uncle Sukuna, college student reader, pierced Sukuna.

Note(s): Inspired to do this series based on Kyarrcha fanart of Sukuna on Instagram! I want this to be mostly based on requests about certain moments such as when Sukuna and you first met, first date, and things like that. This can also include certain scenarios or environments. Feel free to send in requests but I will also add in my own takes.

Requests: Open.

Warnings: will be listed in the sections.

You are not required to read snippets in order, but it is recommended.

How y♡u first met Sukuna!

How y♡u met Sukuna again (and got his number)!

First date with Sukuna!

Sukuna letting y♡u doll him up!

Sukuna with drunk y♡u

Jealous Y♡u

Argument with Sukuna

Choso Kamo

Echos of Desire

Synopsis: Choso is one of the few to possess abilities that transcend human limits. His family was taken away from him and he was given to serve the king. He was trained in nothing else but to kill and follow orders. He was a man made weapon. His name whispered in fear- the kingdom's boogeyman. He hates it though. Hates how his freedom was ripped from his hands. Hates how his ‘gift’ is more like a curse. He is offered a deal he can’t deny- transport the princess to safety in a neighboring kingdom. The only problem is, she’s the daughter of the man that took everything from him and she is being hunted down by unknown forces. 

Pairing: Choso x Reader

Theme Song: my love is mine all mine - Mitski

Moon, tell me if I could Send up my heart to you? So, when I die, which I must do Could it shine down here with you? 'Cause my love is mine, all mine I love mine, mine, mine

Notable tags: FantasyAU, Fanon (I am creating my own world and using some pieces of jjk in it), major character death, burning alive, abuse, gore, blood, mentions of self loathing, anger. (Will be updated as more parts come out)

Note(s): Just a little something.

Part(s): 1 |

[oyster-sauce-tart]

SAGAU thoughts

I’ve had ENOUGH!!! of all the imposter sagau’s makinh me feel sad (as much as I love them it has completely taken over the genre and don’t like that) so taking matters into my own hands

*ahem*

So I have my own little thought about the multiverse theory in which different universes are constantly created; for every choice you choose, another universe in which you’ve made a different decision is created

Even the world of Genshin is no different.

When you, the Player, first downloaded Genshin impact the concept of a “Creator” was made. A being amongst gods who created everything, who created life to the entire world.

And technically it’s true! You are the Creator of Teyvat!

By deciding to *play* Genshin impact you created a world that is an alternative to the Teyvat you originally knew!

Heck even an another version of you exists!

In every which way this Genshin You is still you. The same appearance the same personality…

Although, this Creator you doesn’t just encapsulate how you act, but how you act and play in Genshin as well

So… if you’re one of those… bloodthirsty players that love to attack every enemy in sight…

The Original

Disclaimers: mentions of reader’s death, brief description of gore (getting hit by a truck isn’t a very nice experience), Aether is the traveler (mentioned), 2nd person pov/GN!reader, Reader is referred to as ‘The Original’ with no other name mention, I did all this on mobile w/o any spell check, implied Reader was an academic focused college student before death

You had originally thought, that when you died everything would merely turn black. Or maybe you would reincarnate into another person, forgetting your old life and starting anew.

You’d have yet to know that’s what exactly was going to happen (more or less) but we’d still have yet to approach that part of this tale.

After that spiraling truck hit you square in the body, knocking you out cold with too many injuries and too much blood loss for your body keep you breathing, you had woken up with perfect health.

Erm… well… sorta. You weren’t bleeding out with your limbs thrown every which way, with pieces of your bones poking out of your flesh, anymore but you didn’t really feel… anything. Just floaty, and a bit tingly…?

“Well, yes, transferring your consciousness from one realm to another before it drifted away at the last second can bring out that weird feeling… you may want to ask Aether about that, they might empathize with you.”

…

what.

It had suddenly came to your attention that you were laying down. On someone’s lap. Who’s lap? Well you still had your eyes closed so you decided to open them and jump up to stand in order to see what in the utter hell was going on.

You jump out of whoever’s embrace you were in and opened your eyes. You saw that you seemed to be in some kind of… space…?

The best way to describe it was like being taken to space to see the stars up close except you didn’t need a space suit, you were breathing just fine! As well as the fact that the surface your feet was under rippled like water droplets yet you didn’t sink nor stumble from the weird feeling.

“An amazing realm we’re in isn’t it? I’m glad I created this and hid up here after that dastardly war…”

Ah right the mysterious voice talking to you that suspiciously sounded like yours if you took etiquette lessons.

You finally turn to look up at the voice and your eyes widened. It wasn’t just that voice that sounded like you… the person standing in front of you looked exactly like you!

Down to the skin, hair, and eye color, the height, the body tone and shape, even those little marks that only you would recognize…! It’s like looking in a mirror…! Ah well sort of…

First of, the hair color you two may share but their’s was much longer than yours. It even reached down to drag across the water-space-floor thing. And also they weren’t wearing the same clothes at you, but rather in some really pretty and delicate looking robes. Although this person had the upper half of the robe be loosely worn hanging off the shoulders showing a moderately tight turtleneck.

You couldn’t lie you wanted some of those garbs yourself, did this lookalike had a closet you could borrow maybe…

Ah wait speaking of which…

After ogling at your mirror image’s body, you immediately pointed at your doppelgänger with an accusatory tone. As if you weren’t just admiring their beautiful wardrobe and fashion choice.

“Who are you?!” you shouted at them. You tried on a loud voice to make yourself seem more threatening.

Alas, you were more of the academic type rather than the intimidating one so this person-who-looked-like-but-wasn’t-quite-you-you-think merely chuckled and looked at you with a rather admirable look.

Slowly they started to get closer to you with a chill and calm walk and once they were close enough to you they placed their hands to hold onto yours. You had noticed their hands were as just as rough as your own, although you didn’t know why this person’s were like that you can thank yourself for your own hand texture thanks to years of taking scholarly notes until your wrists cramped up during college lectures.

They stared at your hands, having had come to a similar realization and rubbed the back of your hands in a delicate manner.

They looked at you again.

“I’m so glad to finally meet you… my Original…”

…

WHAT.

[ Prologue, The Realm of Inbetween 1: END ]

Well ummmmmm this went a big longer than I intended,,,

Originally wanted to just spew out thoughts then I blacked out and now here’s this. I’ll actually continue this tbh this is real good and I’ve been wanting to write smth for this idea for awhile soo lol

Umm anyways cue end card-

Ty for reading <3

As always, I am unable to respond to replies so please show your support for my writing with reblogs, asks, or even dms!

Feel free to read my Carrd here to keep track of requests or Masterlist!

[mxthtea]

I Am Not Your Enemy

grim x masc reader (reader does not have a specified gender, but is stated to not identify as a woman) warnings: (reader) breakdowns, online grooming (done to the reader), reader refers to themself as a slut and a whore once each, heavily self-indulgent and based on my own experiences, hand holding and hugging, use of grim's real name, mentioned self-harm, grammar + spelling mistakes, please tell me if i forgot any word count: 3107

request rules

You feel… itchy. Very itchy.

Not an itch that made any sense. A spontaneous itch that covers your entire body. But your skin isn't dry either. It makes you want to tear into it and rip out your tendons. To scratch until you're red and bleeding onto your flooring and chair.

Maybe it has to do with the anxiety pooling into your chest. the heavy weight that lays there, making your heart pound to try and escape. The quickened breaths of your suffocating lungs.

The bright screen of your laptop glares you down. The old messages you had sent to Casper glaring even harder.

The words making out more… suggestive messages. In-depth words about how you'd touch him, how you'd feel him. What your skin contact would be like. To think that it was just about holding his hand. To think that you sent those, even though it has been a while since you sent them.

Messages that you swear you've seen before. Years prior and on a social app you shouldn't've been on. After all, your parents wanted to protect you from online predators. But, they still got to you. It's not like you were exactly protecting yourself.

Suggestive messages filled with what they'd to you. How they'd touch your skin and they'd feel. How they'd undress, how they-

"Sunshine?" a voice cuts off your thoughts.

Your head snaps to the doorway to your apartment. There stands your boyfriend, Casper, donning his usual attire. Not that you can make it out well, your face is blurry from tears, after all.

When did you start crying?

Your body tells you to run. To run from Casper and to get out of there. Telling you that he's just like them. You're just a body, you aren't a person to him. No doubt he talks about you behind your back. He views you as some slut, some whore. Somebody that he'll use then discard. Who knows who else he's done that to.

He'll fuck you- or you'll fuck him- then he'll leave you right after. He'll get what he wanted then leave. Maybe he'll take your soul while he's at it! After all, he's a grim reaper! It's insane to think he doesn't want it!

It doesn't matter if this goes against everything you know about Casper. You're right, you have to be. You've been through this already.

Something cold presses against your hot cheeks and you slap away whatever's touching you. Your world blurs for a moment, a thud then a sharp pain that shoots up from your bottom.

Casper's above you. His face is too blurry from your tears to make out. Gods he's above you, he's gonna make you-

"Sunshine, look at me," Casper calls out to you. when you look at him, he's on his knees in front of you. his hands held in the air as if telling you he won't touch you again.

Your shaking hands reach up to wipe the tears that drip from your eyes. You can barely make anything out into detailed shapes. Your boyfriend is just a blur of some colors. His red eyes still stand out among the grey and whites.

"Get away from me," you choke out, "don't touch me."

The red blurs of his eyes get bigger. You assume he had widened them, but you still make it out fully. There's a distant sound of Casper's shoes shuffling against your wooden flooring. Your eyes begin to clear up from the tears. They fall down your cheeks, but you simply wipe them. You don't want to look even more vulnerable.

You look up to Casper, staring into his red eyes. He seems worried.

A part of you thinks it's fake.

A part of you knows that this is fake.

His look of worry is just one to hide his own feelings. He's pretending he's being worried so he can get you to lower your guard. Then he'll use your body. With sweet words, he'll whisper that fills you with too much guilt to say no. You'll want to die after, then he'll leave you.

Only to come back again and repeat the damned cycle.

You want to run, but you feel cornered. He's kneeling in front of you, keeping you from running away. He's gonna hold you down. He'll-

"Sunshine," Casper's voice makes it sound like he's pleading with you, "please tell me what's wrong."

His eyes meet yours. Casper takes a step back to give you space.

Will he jump on you when you try to run?

"Don't touch me," you demand.

Casper raises his gloved hands once again, he takes another step back from you, "I won't touch you. What's wrong?"

You look at him with inquisitive eyes. Why's he acting like this? He wants to touch you, does he not? Maybe he's just pretending to care about how you feel.

You see Casper's concerned expression twist into one of surprise. He looks down at you, eyes widened by a fraction, dark eyebrows raised up.

He opens his mouth to speak, "Sunshine, why do you look like that? Did I say something wrong?"

Your gaze hardens. Why is he playing dumb? He knows what he wants. He knows that he wants you. Why?

He must be trying to put you in a false sense of security. Then it's easier for him to undress you. For him to mutter in your ear how much you want him.

"You want to touch me don't you?" you look at him, incredulously, "so do it."

"You don't want me to."

"Why do you care?"

You see that Casper visibly flinches back. His expression changes several times in a matter of seconds. From shock, to anger, to a form of despair, to worry.

"I'm not going to touch you."

"But don't you?"

"Do you want me to?"

A shiver wracks through your body. You feel your blood rush and your heart beats rapidly in your chest. You feel as if it's going to burst out any second. The question rings in your ears. He's trying to tempt you, isn't he?

"Do you want me to?"

When you say no, he'll have an ugly face. One that'll haunt you. One that asks- demands permission. Permission given that completely strips you of consenting to it. Then he'll smile. He'll say you're a good girl despite you not being one. He'll hush your protests with his lips.

It doesn't matter if you say no. You might as well just be saying yes. You just need to be convinced.

The words are a lump in your throat. Those three letters, singular syllable, refuse to come out. Just say yes goddammit it saves you the fucking trouble!

"No," your voice shakes as you speak. You feel pathetic.

"Alright," Casper nods to you, "I won't."

"Why not?"

It seems like a stupid question. But, you have to ask. Why doesn't he want to?

"You don't want me to, right? I won't touch you until you say so."

There's silence in the room. You know Casper wants to speak. He opens his mouth just to close it a few times.

"I'll be back," is all he says before leaving from your apartment window. When did he even open it?

Your legs shake as you stand. Luckily, due to your small apartment, your bed is only a stumble away. As you let yourself fall onto your mattress, your mind begins to wander… to Casper.

He didn't want to touch you. Not because he didn't desire you, it's because you didn't want him to. Something that other people would scoff at and say is the bare minimum. But, it's something you aren't used to. Well, you had barely said no to anyone's demands. Always eager to please.

Despite the pain and trauma it had caused. Those same memories and emotions still haunt you years later.

You don't know when you fell asleep. All you remember is thinking of Casper and what you had experienced. Then, you woke up. With the blue sky changing to an orange.

Casper still isn't back either. It's just you, your plant, and your pet.

You take hold of your pet, gently. Holding them in your lap and gently stroking them. It's nice, creating a small bubble of pleasant feelings in your chest. It's easy.

A few minutes seem to pass. You're still in a bit of a daze from earlier events. You must've been asleep for at least an hour.

There's a distant noise that you can't really hear. Your pet looks up, you follow their gaze. A figure crawls into your room from your window. The familiar dark jacket and white hair stand out to you.

"Casper…?" you drawl. His eyes meet yours. His expression is one of concern. Why?

"I said I'd be back, didn't I?" he gives a smile to you, "I bought some food."

He places an emphasis on saying he bought it. It makes you think that he might've stolen the food. Those hesitant thoughts are cut short as Casper places the bag down in front of you.

It's some fast food place. WcBonalds, as you recall. You had eaten there a while ago, during another one of these episodes.

Casper sits at your desk chair. He stares at your hands, waiting for you to move. You notice how poor his posture is. His slumped back against the leather back of it. You wonder if a reaper like him faces back pain like a human like you.

Removing the food he had brought, you just stare at it for a moment.

"Are you… eating it with your eyes?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't…" feel hungry is what you want to say. Though you doubt Casper will take that as an answer.

Despite not eating the entire day and having a breakdown, you didn't want to eat. The thought of it makes you feel queasy. Having the flavors invade your tongue. The texture lingering in your mouth. Choking on the food as it slides down your throat.

Thinking about eating makes you tired, not hungry.

Casper's eyes still linger on you. His eyebrows pinch together in a face of worry. At least, it could be worry. You feel like he's probably frustrated, too.

This isn't the first time he has to encourage you to eat.

"Can you at least drink a little, Sunshine?" Casper relents. He carries a sad look on his face.

You look at the drink Casper brought. A simple, standard cup of iced water from WcBonalds. Perhaps he didn't want you to choke on their famously aggressive soft drinks. It won't hurt to drink. Water is nice to drink, you're thirsty as well. It's easier to do than eat something as well.

You give a nod to Casper. His lips quirk up into a relieved smile as you take a sip of it.

"Slowly," Casper's voice is gentle as he speaks. You follow his words and take small, slow sips.

"I thought a grim reaper wouldn't know how to take care of someone," you move your lips from the straw and put it down. The food still stares up at you, waiting for you to eat it.

You sigh. Taking a fry and eating it. The expected salty taste invades your senses. It makes you feel sick, but you also realize how hungry you are.

"I'm good at taking care of you," Casper corrects you, "every other human I either fight or take their soul."

You give a nod to him, continuing to eat.

Now that Casper is with you and you aren't breaking down in front of him, you can ask him a question. The question that had been bothering you since he had left.

Why?

"Casper," you start. He looks to you, red eyes meeting yours, "why didn't you touch me?"

His expression is one of bewilderment, as if your words cut into him. He opens his mouth just to close it. You think Casper looks more like a fish than a grim reaper right now.

"You told me you didn't want me to," Casper sounds offended as he speaks.

"And you listened, why?" you eat a fry after the words fall from your lips. The salty taste lingers on your tongue.

"Why wouldn't I listen to you?"

"Because-"

Oh.

You can't come up with any response. Any reason that he'd go against your words die before they could even leave your mouth.

Casper lets out a sigh. He approaches you, sitting on your bed. His eyes still meeting yours.

"Can I hold your hand?"

The words sit in the air. You look down and stare at your hands.

Unlike a bit ago, you don't ache at the mere thought of being touched. In fact, maybe you want to be. For no other reason than you just crave a bit of contact.

So, you nod. Casper clicks his tongue. He doesn't seem satisfied with that response.

"I want your verbal consent, Sunshine. Not just a nod."

Another gap of silence. It's easier to just nod or shake your head than have to say it out loud.

"Yes," your voice shakes a bit with hesitancy. It's not that you don't want Casper to touch you- it's just hard to say you do.

"Sunshine," Casper's gloved hand brushes over your fingertips. When you don't pull your hand back or give any other sign of not wanting to be touched, Casper takes your hand in his.

His hand is cold, even through the gloves he wears. You know this. You've known this. Ever since Casper had gifted you a bouquet of roses all those weeks ago. You've continued to know it ever since that first week of "meeting" each other.

"Sunshine," Casper repeats, "look at me."

Your eyes meet up to his. Casper looks at you desperately. There's a bit of hurt in his expression. The cocky bastard of a grim reaper you know is replaced with someone filled with worry. You don't think you've ever seen him like this.

His hold on your hand is light, gentle. As if you'd break at the slightest bit of physical pressure. You don't know if that's true or not in your current mental state.

"Sunshine. I am not your enemy," his hold on your hand tightens the slightest bit, "I have never been your enemy. I will not do anything you don't want me to."

"But-"

"No," Casper's voice is firm, unbreakable. He's blunt in his statements, just as he has been before, "there is no but, if, and, or whatever else you mortals say. I am not working against you. Unless you are doing something truly stupid- which you probably will- I don't want to hurt you."

The statement flows through the open air. You can't seem to grasp onto it. The words Casper speaks are foreign to you. Reassurances that he won't use you like you have been before. You're… hesitant to accept such things being said to you.

It's not supposed to be like this.

Casper is supposed to use you, he's supposed to go against what you say, he's supposed to make you uncomfortable. But, he isn't.

In fact, he's doing the opposite.

He's helping you, he's doing what you want. He's touching you when you say he can.

Something warm drips down your cheek. You reach up and try to wipe away your tears. Emotions overflow and reveal themselves in the small space of your apartment. With only two other living beings to witness it and some food you've half forgotten about.

"Sunshine," your nickname falls from Casper's tongue. He says it so much these days. As if he's just stating the weather.

You look back up to Casper. His other hand hovers just before your face. The sheer frigid temperature he has goes against your heated body.

"May I?"

This time, you know he means that he's asking for your consent. Casper won't do anything without you saying so. If you say no, he backs off.

"Yes…" the words are sniffled out.

Casper's gloved hand wipes away your tears. The one still holding your hand squeezes it reassuringly.

Casper is different.

You can trust him.

"I love you, Sunshine," the words are whispered to you. Sweet, loving words falling from the lips of your boyfriend.

It makes you want to break down.

A weight feels as if it's been lifted off of your shoulders. Casper's reassurances and actions go against what you had expected from him just hours ago.

More tears fall from your eyes. The air is filled with your stifled sobs and sniffles. The overwhelming emotions crash down onto you in rapid succession.

You don't have to go through hell once again. There isn't a need to feel fear from him.

Casper reaches closer to you in an effort of comfort. He asks if he can hold you, comfort you. Another time where he doesn't force his presence upon you. It only makes you want to cry more.

"Y- yes… please," you sob out.

As the final syllable leaves your lips, Casper embraces you. The entirety of him is cold, a direct contrast to your still-hot temperature. Your tears fall onto his shoulder as Casper leads your head to be as close as possible. Despite it, his presence isn't overwhelming. It's comforting.

Your hands find purchase against his jacket, tugging at the fabric in an attempt to ground yourself. You hear Casper whisper words to you. In your fuddled mind it's impossible to hear what he's really saying. The syllables being all mixed together in some gibberish.

"Focus on my voice, Sunshine," is all you can clearly make out from Casper's words.

So, you try to.

It sounds like he's underwater when you try to focus on him at first. Despite that, it helps to hear him speak. Casper's voice brings you down from your overwhelming emotions. The fabric of his jacket and the coldness of his shoulder helps as well.

As the last few sniffles and sobs leave from you, you gently pull yourself back. Casper does nothing to keep you against him. His arms are loose around you as he looks into your eyes, you gaze back into his.

"I love you, Sunshine," he whispers, "I won't do anything you don't want me to."

"I know," a small smile finds it's way to your face, "I love you too, Casper."

You reach forward and hug him again, fitting yourself into Casper's embrace. You hear an exhale of amusement escape from your grim reaper, but no words do.

For now, you're content with just soaking in his presence.

[writethrough]

The Diviner (Part II)

(Morpheus x Prophetess Reader)

Synopsis: Morpheus could be murdered at any time, but you've found a lead to stop it from coming true.

Warnings: Mentions of blood, hostage situation

Word Count: 1544

A/N: Thank you for all the love I've received on the first part of this series! I hope you enjoy this next one. Don't forget to reblog! I'd love to hear what you think.

Series Masterlist | Part III

You never considered an Endless could bleed as any human could.  

You also never considered what fear would look like in their eyes.  

You suppose you don’t have to think about it anymore.

—  

That first day, you and the others pulled all the resources you could. Hob reached out to a few of his colleagues that dabbled in rare and mystical artifacts. Death kept an ear out on the job, calling in some favors with certain people. Morpheus entrusted Matthew and Lucienne with reconnaissance within the Dreaming. And you touched base with some occultist friends and light magic users.  

Morpheus wanted to know what you saw in your vision, but after telling him, he remained silent.  

“I told you it was vague,” you said, flipping through your book.  

It was nearly sunset, and you hadn’t found anything about this mysterious person. So you switched to looking up protection spells, but they were all too weak. Whoever you were looking for had enough strength to murder an Endless—everyday incantations and ruins wouldn’t measure up. They'd never ensure Morpheus’ survival.  

“Are all your visions like that?” Morpheus asked.  

In retrospect, this vision was different, but not because of how unspecific it was—you’d been dealing with that since you received your gift.  

“No. It was strange. I felt disconnected from it somehow.”  

Morpheus sat beside you, waiting for you to continue.  

“Usually, I can feel something: temperature, pain, emotions, and most times, I can smell or hear what’s happening. But this,” you shook your head, “it was like I was a spectator, except everything was muffled.”  

The thought of being so distant from your power almost made your throat close up.  

As if reading your mind, Morpheus handed you the glass of water on the table.  

You sipped slowly.  

It was all in your head. You needed to calm down and figure out what was going on.  

“Does it concern you?” he asked. “How different it was?”  

You squeeze your eyes shut and rub the heels of your hands into them.  

“I don’t know. Everything about this is unusual, and I…I don’t know what to trust.”  

That was the most frustrating thing about all this; who was right? It was a matter of you and Death. For all you knew, she was never wrong. 

But neither were you.  

“Trust that we will find the solution.”  

He said it so simply it made guilt pool in your stomach.  

Morpheus had the most to worry about, yet he seemed calm.  

“Do you believe we will?” you asked, hating the uncertainty in your voice.  

“With all I am.”  

—  

“It’s been days, and we have nothing,” you said. “How is it that among two Endless, two immortals, and all we have at our disposal, we have not a thread of a lead?”  

You were beyond frustrated. Whoever Morpheus’ would-be murderer was, they were doing an exceptional job at hiding.

“I’ve seen nothing in the dreamers,” Morpheus said. “However, if he can kill me, he must know how to avoid the Dreaming.”  

You ran both hands down your face. The same thought occurred to you, but hearing it voiced—and by Morpheus no less—felt like a nail in his coffin.  

“My sister has yet to know my demise?”  

How could he ask that so casually?  

You shook your head. “She said nothing’s changed. So, according to her, you’ll be fine.” You sighed. “So, I have to believe we’ll find something to fix everything.”  

“Perhaps we need not find anything,” he said.  

“What do you mean?”  

“If Death herself cannot confirm my end, must we search for a solution?”  

“Morpheus,” you started, “when you let Destiny into my head, I had no idea how to use my power or why he gave it to me. But I’ve had the past six centuries to figure that out. And when I tell you, it’s to prevent catastrophic things from happening. I’m not exaggerating.  

“So, if Death hasn’t seen yours yet, I have to assume we’re on the right path, and if we stop, you die.”  

Morpheus stood silently.  

Had your bluntness angered him? Who were you to speak to him like that? Especially since you had your first real conversation a few days ago.  

“My apologies.”  

You hadn’t expected that.   

“I often forget it’s been so long since my brother shared his gifts with you. I will do better moving forward.”  

You sat there frozen, unable to think of a proper response.  

“I’ll return to my realm to check in with Lucienne. She may have discovered something,” Morpheus said.  

You nodded. “I’ll reach back out to my resources.”  

Before he left, Morpheus regarded you carefully.  

“Thank you,” he said.  

Your brow pinched. “What for?”  

“Not many would help me as you are. I am grateful.”  

And with that, he was gone.  

—  

You could barely contain yourself. You finally found a lead.  

It wasn’t much, but your network got the word out enough that someone called you. A new customer of that someone was looking for a specific ingredient few shops sold, and even fewer would admit to selling. But they knew where that customer could find it.  

You wrote down the address and hastily threw on your shoes.  

If you planned this right, you’d intercept them after the exchange once the dealer left. You’d sneak up on them, use the taser Hob got you, and call for Death or Morpheus to handle the rest.   

The dealer only did business within a small window, and you didn’t have time to gather everyone, but you could handle it yourself. You were no stranger to a sticky situation.  

The abandoned building you arrived at had probably seen many deals over the years. It was surprisingly sturdy. The only giveaway of neglect was the broken windows covered by garbage bags.  

You slipped through the opened door and kept to the shadows, waiting for movement.  

Five minutes passed, and you were beginning to doubt the legitimacy of your source until cold metal pressed against your throat.  

“I’m so glad you could make it tonight.”  

You went rigid, trying to keep as far away from the blade as possible.  

“What do you want?”  

He laughed. “What do I want? My dear, that’s no way to introduce yourself.” His hot breath invaded your ear. “My name is Warrens. And what I want, of course, is Morpheus.”  

It all came together. Warrens faked the information and tricked you.  

“So why bring me here?”  

“You’re my meal ticket to the Dream King,” he said. “Now, be a good girl and summon him for me.”  

—  

You never did well with following orders—that got beat out of you at a young age. You became a survivor, and for the longest time, that meant fading into the shadows. Avoiding notice was your number one priority.  

However, centuries of men telling you what to do brought that fire back.  

“Who said I was a good girl?” You breathe out a laugh, hoping that would piss him off.  

The knife slices across your forearm, and you clench your teeth to keep from screaming. Then he’s pulling you toward a pipe.  

“I’ve done enough research about Morpheus and his little diviner to know he gave you your powers—to know you owe him and that he has a special little spot for you.” He touches the tip of the knife to your chin when you struggle too much. “So, if you won’t call him, it’s only a matter of time before he shows up to fetch his pet.”  

Even with your hands now cuffed around the piece of metal, your features remain neutral save a quirked eyebrow. “I’ve never heard so many incorrect things come out of one person’s mouth.”  

His nostrils flare, and he draws the blade down your cheek.  

Still, you remain silent, glaring. 

He sighs heavily, like what he’s doing pains him.  

“You know, I’m not so stupid as to think you’d help me—it would’ve made things easier—but I didn’t give you that vision for nothing.”  

Your brow furrows. “What the hell are you talking about?”  

A slick grin pulls at his lips, his pleasure seeping out of his pores, and a pit forms in your stomach. 

“Come on now, a vision of Morpheus dying? I had to give you a reason to make him come out of hiding. And as the loyal lapdog the stories paint you as, I knew it’d be a sure thing.”  

You shake your head. “You couldn’t have known that. There’s no way you could make me have false precognitions.”  

He laughs, head thrown back. “And yet, here you are. It really wasn’t that hard at all. I thought a centuries-old being like yourself would be more conscious, more perceptive.”  

You narrow your eyes and pull at the cuffs, ready to wipe that grin off his face. But it's mostly to keep the horror off your face. 

That's why it felt different. That's why you couldn't feel anything. 

He leans down so he’s level with you. “It was easy enough, swiping a used coffee cup. And the spell was even easier, considering I learned from the Order.”  

Your heart sinks. Warrens is a disciple of the Burgess'. 

And he wants to finish what they started.

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[renlyslittlerose]

Another Moonlight Serenade ‘B Side’. Based off the prompts that @ghostlingpupskywalker and @kittonafoxgirl suggested, regarding Obi-Wan’s reaction to finding out that Anakin was more grievously wounded than he first let on!

All’s Fair in Love and War (2k)

‘1944/05/23 Skywalker Queen Victoria Hospital East Grinstead, England

Dear Kenobi,

I hope all is well. Still stuck at the hospital, but I can’t complain too much. The food is warm, the beds soft, and the nurses are pretty. Did I mention we get free beer on tap whenever we want? I guess there are some perks to being wounded. But I can’t wait to get back out in the field. I miss the skies. I also feel like I’m not doing my part like I should. Rex keeps telling me that he can win the war without me, but I beg to differ.

My arm is still on the mend, as I am sure you can tell from the different handwriting. One of the new nursing sister’s has volunteered her time today, in exchange for a game of bridge later on. The RAF boys have been playing “Shove Ha’Penny” in the mess the last couple of nights. I still don’t find it all that appealing, but it’s the only thing going on, so I find myself learning the game despite my best efforts.

Well, there isn’t much doing. I’m due in for another surgery but rumour has it I’ll be discharged soon. Can’t wait. I’m getting sick of the smell here - too clean and sterile.

Wishing you well. Stay safe, and leave some fighting for me.

Skywalker.’

Obi-Wan fiddled with the edges of the letter, running the thin blue paper against the pad of his thumb. Anakin’s words stared up at him in unfamiliar, feminine handwriting. He’d been through six different nurses so far, each with their own particular way of spelling and writing, though their penmanship was universally legible and neat - unlike most of the officers’ who wrote as if they were being chased by a herd of wildebeest. Obi-Wan wondered when he’d get to see Anakin’s again - all sharp angles and the occasional misspelled word.

Anakin kept promising in his letters that there would be one more surgery - just one more - and he’d be right as rain again, but after three different hospitals and numerous surgeries later, Obi-Wan was beginning to suspect that something more grievous had happened. The facts didn’t add up, Anakin’s assurances sounding less and less comforting each time Obi-Wan opened a letter only to be greeted with the sight of another person’s handwriting.

He loathed to pry; he had no right, really. He knew he ought to take Anakin’s word as it was given, and believe him despite it all, and yet…

Worry sat in Obi-Wan’s guts, tangling deep in with all the other anxieties he’d swallowed at the start of the war. Though he’d only known Anakin a short while he already knew his habits, the little ways in which he carried himself bleeding through the letters he dictated. He was scared - scared and grieving and so terribly sad. It made Obi-Wan want to weep; to ask if he could help; to pack his bags and swim across the channel to see Anakin with his own two eyes - touch the scar on his cheek and kiss away whatever it was that had hurt him so. He wanted to hold him in his arms and tell him that it would all be okay, even though Obi-Wan wasn’t sure it would, or could, ever be right again.  

Folding the letter up, he slipped it in the front pocket of his shirt before leaving the mess tent. It was early afternoon beneath the hot Italian sun, the stink of petrol and oil thick in the muggy air. Most of the men had taken shelter beneath the trees that sprouted up in the hills, the tents far too hot to spend any time in unless you absolutely had to. Squinting back the sun he headed toward the tent at the end of the camp next to the freshwater source.

He found the field medic, Captain Buck, sat at a table, sweat beading down his forehead as he filled out a form in front of him. Next to him were a stack of other such sheets along with an opened water canteen, the contents probably long since dredged. Behind him a man lounged on a cot, bandages thick and white wrapped around his skull and his knee - a victim of an early morning motorcycle accident awaiting transport to a nearby field hospital.

Buck smiled when Obi-Wan stepped inside and sat back in his chair, the wood creaking beneath him.

“I’m sure one of the boys would share his shady spot with you outside if you asked,” Obi-Wan said.

“Why?”

“It’s rather hot in here, isn’t it?”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” He smiled despite the beads of sweat that dripped along his temple.

“I suppose it’s a state of mind,” Obi-Wan remarked. He resisted the urge to tug at the collar of his shirt. “How’s our Lieutenant doing?”

“He’s fine; just a little banged up. Probably more embarrassed than anything - I guess he got spooked by a passing goat and swerved into a ditch trying to avoid it.”

“Did the goat survive?”

“It’s who alerted the locals to his presence!”

“Perhaps we should take the goat with us - have it aid us as an early detection alert.”

Buck chuckled before sitting forward again, his hands locked together on the table. “Not that I don’t appreciate the visit, but is there something I can help you with, Major?”

Obi-Wan hesitated a moment. It really wasn’t his business - Anakin had kept whatever it was from him for a reason. And yet…

“Queen Victoria Hospital back in the UK - have you heard of it?”

Buck nodded. “They’re known for their plastics unit - specialize in burn trauma and recovery.”

“Is that all they do?”

“No, but that’s why they send our men over there. Why? Do you know someone who’s there?”

“Yes - a fellow with the R.C.A.F. He was shot down a few months ago, but has been rather tight lipped about the extent of his injuries.”

“Stands to reason he was burned in the crash. It’s common for airmen to suffer from burns due to the fuel tanks in those things. They tend to… explode when filled with bullets.”

Obi-Wan had seen burn victims before. During his first year of service in the war he’d help drag a man from a burning Blenheim, a memory he’d tried to forget. He could still smell the scorched fabric of his uniform and hear his screams as their commander tried to put out the fire, touch brutal as he beat back the flames in an attempt to stall its quick creep up his legs and across his chest.  

The smell of his burning flesh reminded Obi-Wan of grilled pork, and he felt mildly sick for weeks any time he caught a whiff of cooked meat.

Obi-Wan’s gut twisted. Anakin was such a near perfect creature, youthful skin marred only by nicks and cuts caused by the errors of youth. The thought of his skin, bronzed and dotted with freckles and beauty marks, being twisted and torn and warped by the heat of flames made Obi-Wan want to be sick.  

“If he’s up and talking and walking, he’s going to be fine,” Buck said, his voice creeping back into Obi-Wan’s consciousness. “They’re doing some fabulous work over there; best of the best. He’d in good hands.”

“Yes, of course,” he said quickly. Swallowing the sour spit in the back of his throat, Obi-Wan smiled tightly as Buck. “I have one more question, if I may.”

“Of course.”

“Your typical arm fracture wouldn’t require multiple surgeries, would it?”

“Not if it’s just a regular break. Maybe one or two, if the surgeon didn’t know what he was doing, but setting the bone and casting it is typically good enough.” Buck sat back again and rested his hands on his stomach. “Did your friend hurt his arm?”

“Yes.”

“How many surgeries?”

“A fair few, though I’m doubtful they were all for his arm, if what you say about Queen Victoria is true.”

“Would I lie?”

“No,” Obi-Wan replied. “Though I wish you would right now.”

Buck’s smile tensed, sympathy flashing across his eyes. “I’m sorry, Kenobi, I wish I could offer you more reassurances.”

Obi-Wan nodded and tugged at the bottom of his shirt, pulling the fabric of his shirt off of his sweaty chest. “It’s as you say - he’s receiving the best care available.”

“He is.”

“Thank you for lending me your ear.” Buck nodded, smile once again softening. “And let me know if you need any help when the truck comes for the Lieutenant.”

“I will.”

Obi-Wan slipped out of the tent into the marginally cooler air. As he walked back to his tent the letter in his pocket sat heavier.

XXX

‘I think I owe you a proper explanation for that. When I said that I was recovering, I wasn’t being entirely truthful. I’m fine, but there were complications with my arm. They had to amputate it.’

“Oh, darling…”

“You alright?”

Obi-Wan glanced up from his letter to peer at one of the men from across the table. It was late at night, the tent buzzing with men and moths as they congregated around the kerosene lamps that dotted the tables in the mess tent. Off in the distance Obi-Wan could hear the distant rumble of aircraft engines a few short miles away as night fighters took advantage of the cloudless skies.

“Fine,” Obi-Wan said, his breathing catching on his throat.

“You sure? You look a little piqued.”

“I’m fine.”

Folding the letter up he stood and left the tent with haste. It wasn’t until he was in his tent, sat on his cot, with a flashlight pointed at the letter did Obi-Wan read the rest of it. Anakin’s assurances he was alright and the photograph he’d sent of his garden did little to reassure Obi-Wan that he truly was okay. Losing an arm was traumatizing enough, but losing the ability to fly was like asking Anakin to breath without air, or sing without a voice, or love without a heart. Flying was everything to him.

And Obi-Wan couldn’t reassure him; couldn’t be there to help him in the ways he knew he needed help.

Instead he was stuck in the middle of Palestine, constrained by his duties, beaten down by grief and misery, made to stay and fight in a war that had already taken so much from him, and had stripped what little left Anakin had from him. All he could do for Anakin was write useless words of encouragement on blank sheets of paper while censors held him back from declaring his foolish, delirious love for him.

Anakin deserved better; they both deserved better.

It wasn’t fair. It was all so unfair.

Those who didn’t know loss and fear like a soldier did would remark that life wasn’t fair; that life was filled with ups and downs and we were powerless to stop them. Those religious would even state that things always happened for a reason, as if to make it sting a little bit more; as if to make you feel more inadequate, more powerless. But things didn’t just happen, and life should be fair. It was easy to say that it wasn’t because then it absolved humanity from even trying - for striving for something better.

Anakin wouldn’t have lost his arm, been burned, been tortured, stripped of his life’s goals and aspirations because there should have been no war - no conflict, no death, no misery. And if there had to be conflict then let the old fight’ the men in their suits in their offices who signed the papers and made the choices. Let them take up arms and come to blows while the youth lived in peace and security.

Life wasn’t fair because they made it so.

Obi-Wan was sick of it.

Standing, Obi-Wan kicked over his cot, watching the sleeping bag fall on to the sand covered floor as the wooden frame clattered in the quiet space. Next he kicked his side table, sending documents and a compass down on to the floor next to the bag, the two creating a mess that was satisfying for only a moment. It wasn’t often he acted out in such a way - not any more - but the anger came through him, hot and sudden and biting, making him want to scream and tear, to rage and cry. It was almost overwhelming, the sudden build up of grief, like a torrent of rain and waves against the hull of an already battered ship, continual and never-ending.

But the release only lasted a moment - a sudden violence followed by a calm that Obi-Wan wasn’t sure what to do with. It was almost easier to remain angry.

Taking a deep breath he looked down at the chaos he’d created, the light from his flashlight flickering off the turned over cot and messy sheets. As far as temper-tantrums went it wasn’t very impressive. The sheets could be cleaned up in moments, the bed righted in much the same amount of time. But at least it could be fixed, unlike everything else in the world.

He cleaned up the mess in the relative dark, his flashlight waving about the tent walls as he righted the bed and sorted through the papers. Once finished he kicked off his boots and collapsed on top of the sleeping bag, head cushioned by his arm. The letter sat in his free hand, the paper crinkled and worn. If he tried hard enough he could almost smell Anakin’s cologne on the sheet - cinnamon and something else, something that made Obi-Wan nostalgic for soft embraces and laughter against his neck.

He’d write a letter tomorrow, when the sun had risen and the crush of Anakin’s loss wasn’t felt as deeply. For now, Obi-Wan would wallow in his sorrow. He knew Anakin wouldn’t begrudge him for that.

[luckyshotwrites]

Ch. 100 // You're Getting My Help, Dumbass // Day Off

Contents (Warnings): Three (Angst, slight blood warning, hard vore mentions, character and monster info as always). Read full chapter on A03

Wordcount: 2,400+

Song I correlate to this Chapter: Again like far too many!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Wicks

Throbbing with adrenaline, his mind raced. Millions of thoughts bucked in his skull.

They needed more information on Andras. He used elemental magic the most. Wicks wasn't supposed to worry about curse magic with him. Naturally, Andras could have learned, but overtaking Wicks usually took more effort than the average training magus could expel. 

Not that it mattered—Wicks's head wanted to find a way out. 

How would anyone know?

There wasn't one. Wicks messed up, and now his family would pay for him. The loathsome, heartbreaking reality that Andras would play pretend asWicks made him wish he never existed. He didn't want Andras to talk or touch any of them, yet he would. Any of them could be another of his sick targets, overwhelmed and devoured by Andras using Wicks as a disguise.

Everyone, I'm sorry.

Andras's oscillating inner flesh rubbed against his body, siphoning his energy quickly with its saliva. However, the teeth that pricked his back never closed. Something prevented it from doing so. 

Wicks, bound by Andras's orders, could not move to see what was behind him. 

The fleshy walls retracted immediately, and Andras issued his following command. "Kill him, please, Diageo."

Wicks assumed the mimic pulled back to watch, because he looked far more entertained than worried. It's not Garter.

Garter had his third eye, which perfectly combatted the curse magic controlling Wicks.

Against his will, Wicks twisted on his heels and gazed at the person who had temporarily saved him.

It was the one he considered an enemy. 

Run Away. 

Every part of his body tensed with energy and magic. Wicks didn't want to end someone without it being his choice. Not even him. 

Please, you idiot-

Wicks's hue fumed as their need to end the blonde intensified. They locked on, keenly observing every part of him. 

RUN.

...

Alexander

His sight was useless so he solely focused on their scents and energy. He found one person along the way. Barely breathing, bleeding, a flickering flame of energy. He healed them, though he couldn't stay, and told them he'd be back. 

Mainly because it sounded like the building would collapse under the chaos further inside if he didn't help stop it.

He knew one was Wicks, the smaller blob ahead of him at the far end of the room. There was a flurry of colors trailing Wicks head like Drake earlier. Magic. Magic was the only thing he could see clearly enough.

The other being with Wicks lacked a scent. They only had energy. 

Based on his experiences, the only species he met without scents were mimics. 

He used the band of magic around Wicks head to determine where to place his barrier. He threw one up, since he couldn't human case whatever was in front of Wicks properly without his sight. It collided with it and backed off from Wicks.

His under its curse magic...

Alexander's hair stood up and his instincts strangled every muscles in his body.

Wicks is facing me, isn't he?

Alexander strapped a cloak to his body as he shot straight at Wicks. He would have used 'blink' if he could guarantee he'd end up where he needed to be to undo that band on Wicks head.

The alarming concentration of spells Wicks conjured called his attention. His fist. Alexander swiftly slid his hand across the air in front of him. A barrier struck Wicks's wrist and redirected his punch away, stealing its momentum. 

Due to his assault, Alexander shifted gears, creating a balustrade in a rush instead of a wall on Wicks's side. He flung himself at it and kicked off to reach Wicks's head. 

Wicks threw his arm through the barrier beam Alexander used prior. He broke it, and right before the blonde's fingers could touch Wicks's head, Wicks yanked his head to his right shoulder, and turned his motion to slam his curled hand into Alexander's gut.

Alexander lurched, his body pulled inward by its force, knocking every bit of air out of his lungs in a sputter. His cloak had long shattered, so he took the rest of its force with his wendigo durability—not that it could beat Wicks.

It sent him upward, and Wicks's barely recognizable blur was gone. His energy swirled behind the half wendigo, and Alexander cloaked his body and tilted his palm behind him to conjure a barrier in futile protection. 

It didn't matter, as Wicks appeared behind him, spinning in the air, sent the back of his heel into his target. It snapped the barrier, burst his cloak, and the weight sunk deep into the lower back part of Alexander's neck. 

It sent him down to the floor without the time to catch himself. His body, used like a cannonball, shattered the foundation. Every muscle twitch hurt, his ears rang, and he couldn't feel his face just taste the blood.

Get up. 

He barely willed his hand to lift and wave to his side. He created a barrier under himself, causing it to slam into and push him out of the recess—seconds before Wicks bashed into it from above. 

The strength rippled and caused the interior to shake. Alexander used reversal magic, rapidly healing himself as Wicks got up from the ground where Alexander's head once was. 

Once his legs listened, he forced himself to stand. Alexander lowered his body like a wrestler. I fucking can't dodge him. He's too fast. 

Unlike the half wendigo, Wicks had no problem using things like 'blink' to cover the distance.

Alexander was far too weak, unskilled, and stupidly refused to do anything that could possibly hurt Wicks. 

The dangerously powerful magus sprang up and ran, then closed the distance instantly, aiming right for Alexander's skull. He has no reprieve, every single shot was to kill him. 

Alexander tilted his head, his eyes focused the best they could be behind Wicks, and his already up arms moved higher. He used his left one to block the up-and-coming blow while the other hand tried to touch Wicks's head. 

The danger's fist pulverized his flesh, muscle, and bone in its way. Alexander's arm stood no chance against a full-powered attack. 

And as soon as his fingers grazed the bind, he yelled out in sharp pain. "DISRUPT." 

Right before his head was next to go, he used 'blink' to teleport behind Wicks. His body panged in inescapable agony. His left forearm was eradicated, blood pouring from what was left, and a scalding sensation ran across his head. He couldn't see past the blood in his left eye. 

He fell to his knees, huddled over, and attempted to quickly fix what he could. 

...

Wicks

He heaved. The air that entered him was his again. His distraught sight threw itself back, catching Alexander and the blood pittering from him. Wicks could even feel some of it on his face. 

Alexander's scalp was partially exposed on one side, and his left forearm and hand were completely gone.  

But he was alive. 

He risked his life to undo it.

Wicks's chest compressed. He hated Alexander, and still...the idiot went out of his way to help him. He has no obligation to me.

The enemy didn't let either of them rest.

Alexander worked on repairing himself and Andras took advantage. He slung his right arm like it was a fishing pole and pitched it ahead at Alexander. Being cast, his arm split into a string of squelching bloodless flesh. Its serrated teeth wrapped around Alexander's neck and fortunately his arm stopped Andras from cinching and strangling him.

"Got a big one!"  Then Andras whipped his arm and Alexander back into the wall. His arms flesh returned to normal after.

"This is so sad. I had been wanting short fuse for a while now," Andras's stare fell to Wicks. "But I'll gladly settle for a better prey like you." 

His energy was halved by Andras, who remained full and spry. 

Even so, the pissed-off Hispanic shot at Andras. 

"You want another hug so soon!" Andras yelled as Wicks's body collided with him. Wicks could feel the teeth underneath trying to penetrate his cloak, and the saliva from its mouth dampened it as it took energy.

Wicks got him into the wall, too, but risked Andras's body opening up to consume him again. 

He drains just as fast as I would by touch with his saliva.

He popped his cloak, and Andras dove in. At no point during this fight had Andras been on the offensive. He'd always strike after Wicks. 

Andras hunched and threw his hand out to grab him. Wicks hurled his to counter it. But Andras split his arm down the middle. Each end was serrated with fangs. They curled around Wicks's midsection. He put up another cloak just as Andras threw his head down and wide open, engulfing Wicks's head inside. The feeling of being inside the villain's mouth was kept back by his protection. 

Andras jaw snapped shut to break his cloak. He couldn't. 

¡vete a la mierda! You're not eating me! Wicks went to strike at Andras's abdomen, and instead, it opened up. So he hit into its surprisingly resistant gooey and energy-dampening insides. It was still a powerful hit, rippling Andras's body, but it didn't stop him from trying to consume Wicks.

He soon let go and reduced his size. Wicks saw a size-shifted Alexander over him. It seemed he went to grab and pull Andras's head back. Andras quickly ducked between Alexander's legs and got behind him. 

"Such wasted potential, short fuse, you've had years." Andras's arms latched into Alexander's skin. He didn't break it but ran the electrical currents up it. It made Alexander's body convulse, and the sharp teeth injected from his arms and into Alexanders legs. 

Wicks didn't let it go on when he captured his senses. He went straight between Alexander's legs, too, and ducked low. Andras's abdomen opened up in response, taking the punch. It still sent him back.

Wicks shook off his fist, burst the cloak, and redid it. 

He glanced back at Alexander, who smoked but healed himself relatively fast. 

"I'm sorry," Wicks said, catching his breath. 

Alexander shifted his eyes and dropped down to his resting height. "focus on the fight, not me, dumbass." He exhaled snappy, short breaths, "I'll live."

Andras threw himself at them again. Wicks retaliated, colliding with him. And with his free hand, Andras flicked a finger up, and the spiraling pillar of a barrier rammed its point into Wicks's body. 

"Barriers rely so much on sight. I'm surprised you can even do them with your pitiful eyes." Andras made more of them spring up, then surround and crush Alexander between them. 

Wicks shattered the spike before it sent him to the ceiling. 

Andras laughed as Wicks directed himself down, dropping his 'gravity' using gyro-telekinesis. "Much like Wicks-" Andras's hands sparked with their blue electricity before he threw the blast into one of the barriers instead. 

He used 'blink' to appear behind Wicks in mid-air.

"Focus's too much."

Wicks altered his 'gravity' for a second time, spinning his momentum to strike Andras's ribs with a roundhouse kick. At the same time, the lightning he threw earlier curved off the spike and hit Wicks's back and sent him toward another spiked pillar. His cloak was on the verge of breaking. 

Wicks landed on one of the points that resembled a bamboo shoot and pushed off it. It snapped under him as he launched like a peregrine falcon after its prey. He always aimed for the head. Andras, from the ground, split his apart, and his hands twisted around the arm Wick's failed to connect.

He brought Wicks into his, raised his feet in a drop kick from the ground, and enhanced them like Wicks. Andras struck his torso so hard that the left side of his body spun out, and his right arm loudly popped as Andras dislocated it from his shoulder.

He swung him down by it. 

Only a few individuals, besides his dad, could throw back as hard as Wicks could. So it reminded him how weak a magus was without powerful cloaks and how his lungs slowly filled with blood. 

Wicks scrambled to gather himself and his collapsed chest. Andras tried to take the opportunity to steal another chunk out of Wicks, but Alexander locked his human case again and made a barrier slam into his jaw from the ground. 

Andras snapped through it, the barrier turning to dust in his mouth. He glanced back, not expecting Alexander to have gotten so close.

Arguably weaker, he still delivered a blow directly into Andras's spine. The mimic's chest raised forward. And Wicks lifted his left hand and shot out a basic force blast. 

It sent the mimic spiraling the other way toward where the entrance used to be. 

Alexander dropped down and assessed Wicks.

"You should-" Alexander used reversal magic to speed up the process. 

"Save your magic." Wicks groaned as he sat up. "He's almost dead."

Alexander groaned weakly. "Whatever. Listen..." He squinted in the direction Andras was. "He's using our magic every time he takes a part of us." he held his arm to Wicks. "And since you're the only one capable of killing him, take my energy since you're more drained than I am."

Wicks pushed his arm away, "no-"

"Odds are if it's left to me, I'm not winning, and if he eats your ass, there's nothing any of us can really do." Alexander threw his arm back in Wicks's face, "so take it." 

"ARGH," Wicks grabbed Alexander's forearm. "Distance yourself after this." He carefully took it. There wasn't much between them, but he still left Alexander with enough to do one final thing. 

"I need him to stand still, get him stuck there, and I can kill him." 

He had to end this; they'd both be Andras's meals if he didn't. 

Alexander listened and did what he could. He manipulated the barriers like hands and trapped Andras between them. The daze Andras had lasted less time than Wicks wanted.

Wicks tried to read his mind and distract Andras, and the mimic freely let him. So, Wicks intercepted his thoughts, feelings, and memories. Wicks realized Andras won.

He underestimated Andras's priorities. The psycho focused on releasing his human case. Thus, he opened it before Wicks, begging him to strike the form and become one with it. 

But then, his form unexpectedly shifted back, someone human cased him again. Though he felt it wasn't Alexander. 

Andras's surprise and utter shock said it all, and Wicks could feel his final moments.

The real Andras didn't know what he fought. Mimics were so rare, so far in few. They're generally killed as soon as they're found. They could be anyone; they'd kill them, get their memories and powers, and be able to integrate themselves into anyone's life.  Andras was unlucky. A desperate mimic attacked him without a chance, and he ultimately lost to it. However, his will overtook the mimic. "I hope you burn!" Andras shouted as the mimic encapsulated everything that was him. It adopted every aspect of Andras while keeping its base tendencies. Thus, it never reverted to a complete mimic, which is why instead of being scared.

It smiled at its bitter end as Wicks's fist went through its head. 

...

Hey, you, thank you so much for reading. I'm glad I put out a story that people can enjoy! I hope you continue to enjoy it as WE have a LOT more to go! YOU BETTER KEEP PROSPERING! (Nonnegotiable, as always~).

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Catch up, see some maps/art, or check the latest release dates down below  ↓ ↓ ↓ 

What I’d do for a Livable Income Part 2 (Synopsis/Chapter - List)

[wonderland-smile-stories]

~ Chapter 3. 03 ~

I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes and how poorly written this fanfic is. English is not my first language and together with my dyslexia ass things can go wrong I'm sorry.

My eyes went to the door while I bit my lip. I'm happy that everyone is okay and alive. To be honest I was shocked to see Miss Im and Hyun-su awake and looking normal.

It's like they weren't attacked and almost punched to death by a monster a few hours ago.

A knock at the door brought me back out of my thoughts. 

"Mi-na. Can I come in?" To my surprise, it was Miss Im's voice.

I cleared my throat before telling her she could come in. A soft smile was placed on her face when she came inside.

"How are you feeling?" She asked with a gentle voice.

"I think I'm alright. Just the wound on my side hurts and is still bleeding." I explained.

She nodded her head before kneeling in front of me.

"I'm glad you're okay and awake. We were all worried about you."

I was worried about everybody else but me.

I let out a deep breath.

"Is everyone okay? The kids..."

She quickly cut me off putting her hand on my leg before speaking up.

"They are fine, they are a little shaken up, but they are fine thanks to you." I was happy that they were okay.

It was our goal to get them here safely, it was a whole struggle, but they're safe and well here.

"Why won't you come with me to the others, we had just begun to eat. I'm sure you must be hungry." I haven't eaten anything since I left my apartment to go to Ji-su.

It's a wonder I haven't passed out yet.

My eyes looked at the door while I bit my lip deciding if I wanted to go out there and face them or just stay here for who knows how long.

Miss Im gave my leg a little squeeze which made me look at her.

"Nobody is judging you on how you woke up. In situations like this, everybody gets nightmares."

Yeah, but I have been having them for months now. I swallow hard nodding my head.

"O....okay. I'll come."

A big smile came on her face before she stood up.

She offered me her hand to help me to stand up which I gladly took.

All eyes were on us when we walked out of the bathroom. There was an awkward silence before Ji-su spoke up.

"Mi-na, you can sit here." She patted the place between her and Hyun-su.

I gave her a small smile before walking over to her.

"Are you okay?" She whispers to me.

"I'm fine. It was just a bad dream." I whisper back nodding my head.

She smiles back at me patting my leg.

"Let's eat." Mister Han said seeing that all of us were together now.

In silence, we began to eat. Too hungry or too tired to say much and not to forget, most of us are just strangers to each other. I think I'm the only one who knew them before everything happened.

"Kids, what are your names?" Mister Han said breaking the silence.

We all look at the kids waiting to hear them, well I already know them, but the others do not.

"I'm Kim Yeong-su." He said looking at Mister Han.

Su-yeong looked at her food for a second before speaking up.

"I'm Su-yeong."

I feel really bad for the kids. First their mom and now their dad. Not to mention this whole mess that has been going on with the world. I wish I could just take them away from here so that they don't have to see the horrible things that were happening.

Mister Han said something about their names and showed they were similar to each other.

"Dad named us," Su-yeong said looking down.

A frown came on my brows when I saw a sad look washing over their faces.

Would I react the same if I still remember my family? I have never known them so I don't know how it feels to lose someone.

The only person that was ever close to that I could consider family was Miles. I can still remember how his eyes filled with tears when I left that night.

I wish I could have taken him with me, but it would have been more difficult to escape with a kid. I was eighteen and could leave on my own, but he couldn't. They would have been able to find us quickly and who knows what they would have done to us.

I snapped out of my thoughts when a can of beer appeared in front of my face. Ji-su quickly took it chucking it down. Ji-su knows how to drink. I have seen her do it a couple of times, luckily she knows her limits and doesn't go over them.

"Here, you can have one too." Mister Han offered Hyun-su.

"Oh, I'm.." He began.

"Oh, right. You're a minor. Right, there are kids here. So let's not break the law. I'll buy you a drink when you become an adult. Just like I have promised Mi-na. You two are probably around the same age." Slowly I nodded my head remembering him promising me.

I didn't mention to him that it wouldn't be my first drink though. I had probably my first drink when I was sixteen. You know going to a party and there are drinks there that shouldn't be at a minor's party.

"Do you think..."

Hyun-su started.

"That day will come?"

I was about to put food in my mouth but stopped when he said it. Slowly I put my spoon down not really in the mood anymore for it. I looked around and saw that everyone had the same reaction as me.

Who knows what will happen?

Are we all going to survive or are we all going to die or turn into one of those monsters? The only one that may change into a monster is Hyun-su, but who says he will? If he really was going to be a monster shouldn't he be turned by now?

Then there is another thing. He had the same symptoms I have had for a week now. Does that mean I'm going to turn as well? The only thing we don't have in common is the healing part. He looks totally fine for someone who has been crushed and punched by a big ass monster just a few hours ago.

I'm still bleeding from my side and my head also hurt from when I was thrown into the wall. Maybe I'm not the same as him and my stuff is just a stress or medical-related thing. I guess we just have to wait until one of us truly turns.

Previous Chapter ~ Next Chapter

[muwitch]

The Chariot and The Devil for Lucius?

tyyyyy so much, I had fun doing those! <3 part of those epic tarot asks, more to go in next issue!

The Chariot: How does Rook fight? What are their preferred abilities and damage type?

Technically Lucius is a Spell Blade, his preferred style of combat are lightning abilities and roguish dagger and sphere combination. From the classic Tevinter school he uses area abilities for controlling larger crowds but his “jam” is a swift, jagged motions with one swift critical strike. His damage type therefore is shocked and close-quarters combat Void Blade as a basic modus operandi.

In setting reasons for such are few:

Element wise he does not only prefer the “bloodlessness” of a lightning strike. It’s quite convenient when fighting venatori, where accidental bleeding (whether his or said venatori) is rather a disadvantage. Lightning is much more elegant and leaves less mess. It combines nicely with other elements, should he not work alone. It has a flare. It’s partially suiting both his quite spontaneous nature (not beating slight ADHD allegations) yet being a more controlled form of fire magic.

While he can use a polearm/staff as part of a classic Tevinter education, it’s not very fooling your enemies into thinking he is not, in fact, a mage. He likes to pull that one off so much! He has an enchantment cutting dagger for that, so. Besides he could find himself in a situation without a foci or a staff. In most dire cases a dagger can be used for blood magic, even if he doesn’t need it that much to draw blood, the amount is just more sufficient for something bigger.

Yes, he does use blood magic, but, as said, in most dire cases. It’s been years since the last time he did at the beginning of Veilguard and he honestly struggles to keep that one in check due personal conviction and a promise.

Attempts on his life are just another Tuesday, so Luc he was trained to fend off against different kinds of opponents, and he once trapped a Crow assassin with a blood magic spell. Said Crow was bargained into teaching him the moves for a prolonged period of time, and that’s why his fighting style and general roguish attitude toward his fighting style is so Crow-like. 

Since I just want to share, a codex for that matter I wrote as an exercise:

An assorted collection of short, withered notes, written in sharp handwriting:

“The little pendejo said I should start writing notes. Keeps mind occupied and all. As if I’d leave evidence for Ezio to skin me alive when I get home. When. Not if. There could be better ways to waste ink, however…”

“He’s got some guts, alright. Maybe would’ve made a decent spell blade, should the Crows have taken him under the wing. I wonder how’d he like my knife when it can actually hurt him. Alas. Magister’s spawns are not made for blood and sweat.”

“Inquisitive. Maybe too much at times. Not yet properly formed as any fledgling, but I can make this work…I should. Mierda. I’m not a handler. Concentrate on physics.” 

“If he wants to kill mages, he should forget he’s one, told him today. His eyes almost glowed at the mention. Odd. Let his sphere down, and knife on knife he’s no opponent to me. Couldn’t harm, but at least he’s got the idea. I shouldn’t be rejoicing seeing too much vigor on his face.”

“Making progress. The little shit has some weird way of making me speak. Apparently he likes the stories of Antiva and different jobs. Poor sod probably had never traveled, I almost feel bad for him. Then I see the vial of my blood around his neck and it passes.”

“My teaching takes root. There’s improvement on his moves, less reliant on the sphere. Swift, quick thinking. Almost fried me when we were sparring, the horror on his face was delectable. Taking him out to the roofs now; hoping he’ll fall and break his neck. But I can only have this much luck.”

“Not a proper assassin. Not suited for this profession, but swift on the kill. Warded at least five attempts now, four of which without my help. I should probably be proud anyway. Not when the boy reeks of blood, gut and something bitter.”

“This whole ordeal would probably feel like a vacation once I’m back to Treviso. If Lucius keeps his word, then maybe I could…Nah. No going soft here.”

- signed as Acantha Valisti

The Devil: What type of demon is most likely to target Rook? Why?

Oh, that’s definitely Pride first. Baby’s got an ego and is a (trying to be former) maleficar, so it’s partially a given. His ambition connected to his past and his lineage draws them more than desire demons, who seek to bargain and target less spiritually formidable people. 

Pride demons also pose a challenge to overcome, especially intelligence wise, and he loves a good challenge, despite better judgement sometimes. The ultimate humbling lesson. Would he outwit himself? What would be his folly?

Despair demons become drawn to Luc after blighting of Minrathous. The city has been a food mall for them ever since (as evident in-game), but his own personal guilt struggle is also delectable for them. Lucius already struggles with grief and despite his awareness is more suspensible to their influence: demons frequent his nightmares more than it is for comfort, making it harder to get a grip sometimes. And hence add to his insomnia as a cherry on top of vigilante activities when Lighthouse is asleep.

[mangosmoothiepussyv3]

trauma and magic

this is abt my ocs world not like. real world magic nd trauma. also tw for mentions of trauma and ptsd

every monster is born with magic. magic can do many things. apperance changing magic is the most common magic, esp among monsters who live on earth. they change their appearances to look more human. humans know about monsters but arent widely accepting yet

theres other types of magic, such as siren abilities (mind controll via singing), elemental magic, sex energies feeding (for the cubi) etc etc

but, trauma can heavily alter ones magic. lets take my oc eris for example

so just to preface, my ocs are alters in a system, i made these ocs while i was questioning if i myself was plural. im not, but i love these ocs dearly

eris is a succubus who was created to be the ideal woman that their then bf now ex would love. she was made to love him

eventually when that ex gets arrested for cp, she has a major meltdown

before this meltdown, she had long blonde hair and blue eyes

but she was poisoned by love and her hair and eyes turned pink. her pupils turned heart shaped

this is one of the many ways trauma affects magic.

another oc, payne, is a trauma holder. their also a life sized ball jointed doll. when they get triggered, their nose begins bleeding pretty badly. their magic causes that. also when they front, the body begins to cry, no matter how they felt prior to them fronting

this isnt a part of the ocs but i rped a person who physically age regresses due to trauma. thats the most common side effect of trauma, usually among people who experienced csa and the like

theres also my oc val who isnt in the system but is married to the host, who experienced having sex changing spells cast on them against their will. now his body slowly shifts sexes which causes chronic pain. the only upside is that she learned she was actually genderfluid. they're also the representative for cubi (incubus/succubus) at the demon house of reps

uhhhhhhh i feel like theres more but ill cut the post here. thank you for reading this far if you did!!!

[pics-and-fanfics]

Take it or Leave? (part 2!)

Pairing: Loki x F!Reader (established relationship)

Warnings: toxic/abusive mom/parent person?, mentions of Reader having to take care of her younger sister bc their mom is a piece of shit. Angst, abuse and violence

Summary: You grow a pair and try to leave as Loki looks for you, scared. Were you alive?

Other works here on my Masterlist!! :) (read at your own risk!)

Click! You scramble away from the door, wiping at your face. Your cheek had stopped bleeding a while ago, but the tears streaming down your face apparently had not gotten the memo.

“Y/n?” The door swings in slowly, and Amara collapses into your arms, hugging you tightly. You sit there, crying, for who knows how long.

“Are you okay?” You look at your little sister, nodding. “I’m fine as long as you’re alright, okay?” You watch her nod, and you kiss the top of her head.

“Where’s mom?” you ask, and you see fear spark in Amara’s eyes. “What did she do?”

📿

Loki walks around, up and down streets, trying to find out where the spell was pulling him. Where were you? Were you okay? Were you- No, he couldn’t think like that.

But he’d seen the bruises. So the only question left to ask, were you alive?

📿

You shove handfuls of things into a bag, including your work clothes, which you’d change into at work, and out of at work. You were fighting every instinct that was screaming at you to go downstairs and confront your so-called “mother”.

Instead, you shoved clothes and all your money, cards, everything you’d bought with your own money in various bags. Amara was doing the same thing, getting clothes and things she needed.

You were leaving, even if that meant in a cop car or an ambulance.

“Ready to go?” you ask, slinging your bags over your shoulder. Amara looks up, and you see fear evident in her eyes. “It’ll be okay, I’ll make sure nothing happens to you, Amy.”

📿

Loki was ready to just teleport to you, but he didn’t want to scare you. Or- or get you killed, he thought. He held back tears, frustrated that he hadn’t made the tracing spell better, more accurate. It was just barely pulling him at this point, so he knew he was close, but he wanted to be closer, by your side.

📿

You go down the stairs quietly, grabbing one of the bigger knives out of the knife block. Amara was gripping your hand tightly, and you were glad to know she was right there, right behind you.

Inching towards the door, getting ready to sprint, when you’re spotted.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Her voice makes you jump, startled, definitely not scared, no sir. “I’m leaving. You won’t have to worry about me anymore.” you say, and she scoffs.

“I wasn’t fucking talking to you, I couldn’t care less. Amara, did you let her out of her room? And what do you think you’re doing with all your bags? You’re not leaving.” You felt your sister’s hand grip yours even tighter, and you squeeze hers in response.

“She’s coming with me, Janet.” you spit, and you feel the fury of your mother turn on you as she slowly looks at you. “What did you just say?”

You feel calm, for once, all of your anger leaving you as you glare down at her. Again, you see the size difference, and you almost laugh.

“I think you heard me the first time. And don’t you DARE touch her!” you say, whirling, the edge of the knife hovering just above your “mothers” boyfriend's throat. “Hands off. Or you won’t have any.” You watch as he slowly backs away, and you smile.

“Good. Now. I’ve been more of a mother to Amara than you ever have, ever will be. I raised her. I raised myself. So don’t you dare pull any stereotypical excuses. I raised her, she is more like my daughter than my sister, I never wanted that. I wanted- God what I wanted.

“I wanted a normal childhood. Not- Not getting scared every time I heard yelling from downstairs, running to Amara’s room and shoving music in her ears while I kept you out.” Your hand lets go of Amara’s as you fumble for the doorknob behind you.

📿

Loki looks through the windows of the houses as he walks, giving up. He’d never find you. Even if he did, would you be alive? Would you remember him if you were? Or would you have a clean slate, a second chance?

It’d probably be better that way, you’d get to have the life you never had, the life that Loki was helping to keep you from. He reaches for the chain of the necklace, looking down at the charm sadly.

A moon and stars, one of your favorite things, the night sky. Just before he can break the chain, he yanks his hand back, his hand burnt, the charm suddenly hot again. Loki looks around frantically, but doesn’t see you. Where were you?

📿

“And if I let you stop me from letting myself give me or Amara a somewhat normal future, I’ll be damned!” You shove Amara out the door behind you, slamming it shut as your mother leaps at you.

You jump to the side, the knife flying from your grasp. You wince, the charm on your necklace suddenly growing hot. What the-

BANG! You scream, picking your head up.

📿

And- That’s where we’ll end it today folks! Bc why the fuck not? And good news- I made an AO3 account! I’ll be posting my stuff on there (eventually)

Thank you so much for reading, and let me know just how much you want part 3, bc I already know one line i’ll put in it, but that’s it.

Let me know if you want to be tagged, and ill do it gladly! Have a wonderful day or night, my wonderful lovelies!

@vbecker10 @silverfire475 @huntress-artemiss @vickie5446 @sheris532 @lokixryss @lokidokieokie @stupidthoughtsinwriting @crimson25 @peaches1958 @sititran

[leaderpinhead]

Maddox (OC) - A Mother's Legacy

For context, Maddox is one of my OC’s. He has an empathic ability that allows him to see people’s emotions as colors (which aids his signature spell). His mother, Monique Bonnet, was a fashion designer who helped mentor Crewel when he was younger, so Maddox, his mother, and Crewel have a bit of a past together. This would have been an event that occurred during winter break and was very briefly mentioned in Deuce’s chapter of my main story. 

Maddox tipped his head from one side to the other. The angle didn’t alter the actual design in front of him, but it made him feel a bit more self-important. Especially since it made the wardrobe assistant huff with impatience. Maddox wasn’t necessarily one to provoke another, but he couldn’t help but think the brownish green surrounding the man complimented his frog-like demeanor. He felt sorry for the model though, whose modest periwinkle was becoming a tinge of gray to match her nervous shuffling. 

Maddox turned to the man beside him. Crewel didn’t appear at all fazed by the circus of pacing models and the clothing flinging in all directions around them. Maddox would assume as much, not from the cool slate depicting his professor’s calm demeanor but because of the man’s experience within the fashion industry itself. He was never allowed to create as big of a name for himself as Maddox’s mother, but every model and wardrobe assistant hired for the show had greeted them with startled gasps and pleasurable shades of color. They were already ecstatic to wear the last line from Monique Bonnet but knowing Crewel would help with any last-minute altercations had sent a wave of whispers throughout the theater. 

Crewel’s cool gaze flicked to him. Maddox met his eyes without hesitation. Crewel didn’t possess the same ability he did to see a person’s colors, but he could tell by the deep blue bleeding into his slate gray that his professor could read his demeanor. Crewel placed a hand on his shoulder, but instead of stepping forward himself, he gave Maddox a slight push. “Go on, pup. You will get nowhere here if you refuse to speak.” 

Maddox nodded, his face flat of expression. His stomach turned when he looked at the model again. It wasn’t her fault—and he fully acknowledged that—so he turned to the frog-man instead. “That’s not my mother’s design.” 

The man blanched. A bright red streak mixed with the sickly brownish green. “I beg your pardon? This is most definitely Monique Bonnet’s design! You clearly haven’t inherited her genius.” 

A sharp twinge of pain behind his eyes made Maddox wince. The colors at the edges of his vision were already beginning to gray. Perhaps this hadn’t been as smart of an idea as Crewel had proposed leading to winter break. Untangling all the colors inside himself was still a challenge. It was too easy to welcome the gray. 

Crewel’s hand squeezing his shoulder grounded him. He lifted his chin a bit higher and stared the man dead in the eye. “This is not my mother’s design.” 

Frog-man huffed loud enough to make it sound like he was croaking. He swung a hand towards the model, making her reflexively flinch out of the way of the almost violent gesture. “And what proof do you have? All of these designs were delivered by her personally before her death.” 

Maddox wasn’t one prone to fits of anger. Madness? Yes. Anger? No. The sudden flush of heat made his stomach turn again. 

The nausea didn’t keep him from stepping forward though. He pointed at the asymmetric zipper crossing the torso of the dress. “My mother never allowed her zippers to cross a model’s torso in such an unflattering manner.” 

“That’s—.” 

“The stitching down the side is atrocious,” Maddox continued, cutting the man off without hesitation. He circled the model, pointing at each flaw as he encountered them. “She swore off tassels after her third line. The collar is ten centimeters too wide for her tastes. The ribbon bunching in the small of the back is both unflattering and distasteful. This bowler hat she supposedly designed is off-center and not in a purposeful way.” 

Maddox came to a stop in front of the model again. Her periwinkle had fully transitioned to a foggy gray, and she stared at the wardrobe assistant with a questioning gaze. Frog-man's face had become an interesting shade of plum that wasn’t very flattering when paired with the sickly yellow now surrounding him. 

Maddox extended his arms to frame the model. “Lastly, it’s black. All black. Like a lifeless void sucking all joy out of life.” 

Frog-man sputtered like an ill-kept engine. “Monique Bonnet is well known for her sophisticated designs.” 

Even Crewel clicked his tongue at the poor argument. “Is that what you consider sophisticated? The hue is only one facet of a design.” 

Maddox spun in a wide circle. He hadn’t realized the amount of attention they had gained until he saw the face of just about everyone turned towards their corner. A palpable spectrum of colors filled the small backstage area, from shocked whites, to angered reds, to trusting blues. It gave him the encouragement he needed to spin back around on the perpetrator. “Let’s say, for argument’s sake, this was indeed my mother’s design. Why would she absolutely ruin the rest of her vibrant line with this one dull shade?” 

Maddox felt that was his most compelling argument. No one knew his mother as well as he did. No one would ever know the personal battles of Monique Bonnet more intimately than him. Not even Crewel had seen the vicious battles of monotones that had plagued her for so many years. 

Which was why Maddox was 100% certain his mother would never shoehorn a blot of ink into her rainbow of vibrant creativity, not even to round out the number of models. Color was too precious a commodity to her, just as it was to him. Colors meant everything. 

Maddox jerked a finger at the bowler hat on the model’s head. “It doesn’t even have a feather! Why would my mother give all the other hats feathers except this one? It shatters the harmony!” 

Crewel’s hand reappeared on his shoulder while the frog-man sputtered. Maddox felt a muscle in his cheek twitch when he heard Crewel’s low chuckle. “You have made your point, pup. No need to send him off in his own coffin. Good job.” 

The singular praise zapped all of the tension from Maddox. He glowered at the wardrobe assistant still attempting to sputter out an argument. The model took off the bowler hat and spun it in her hand. She released a startled noise and spun it again, holding it closer to her face. “This doesn’t have the Bonnet monogram in the seam. Look!” 

She hurried over to Crewel and showed him the inside of the hat. Maddox didn’t need to see it to know the B his mother sewed into every seam of her hats wasn’t present. It was a telling detail of the imposter’s lack of skill. Everyone knew his mother ended her stitches with a tiny B. So tiny and precise that not even the machines they used to mass produce her line of everyday affordable wear could replicate it exactly. It was her calling card before the fashion world had even noticed her. 

Crewel hummed. To Maddox’s surprise, he passed the hat to Maddox. “Tell me the issue with that seam.” 

Maddox took the hat, holding it between the tips of his fingers to minimize the area he touched. He barely had to glance inside the hat. “It looks as if it was hacked with a chainsaw and then glued together with a pair of feet.” 

Frog-man croaked. His voice pitched high above the rumble of muttering from the rest of the staff. “Not all of the designs left in Monique Bonnet’s warehouse were complete! This was merely a prototype the director wished to display.” 

“I thought Monique delivered these herself,” Crewel snapped. Maddox dropped the hat and kicked it away from him, no longer wanting it anywhere near him. The model shuffled to stand behind him. “There are many things I have come to despise within the fashion industry. Spineless designers who attempt to use a show paying tribute to a recently deceased fashion icon as a means for a breakout success story has skyrocketed to the top of my list. You could use a bit more discipline when it comes to common decorum.” 

Maddox quickly glanced at Crewel. His usual shades of steel, cinnamon, and navy blue were outlined in a deep scarlet red. This wasn’t the quick temper he had in the classroom. Crewel was beyond furious with the man in front of them. Maddox applauded Crewel’s extreme discipline not to strangle the man with the botched fabric he called a dress. 

“Now, now, darlings. What is all of this?” 

The crowd parted to allow the shorter man passage. He stopped beside Crewel, standing nearly two heads shorter than the professor, and impatiently flipped the bangs of his bowl cut hair off his forehead. A waft of cigarette smoke reached Maddox’s nose. “Divus, dear, I invited you here out of a deep respect for Monique. She wouldn’t hesitate calling me all kinds of names if I didn’t, some of which I'm sure only her son could correctly pronounce. Now why are you scaring all the ducklings in the room? I worked so hard to ensure they were swans.” 

“Wonderful timing, Edwin,” Crewel said. The wide smirk that appeared on his face sparked a dull yellow across his scarlet. Frog-man's own yellow was becoming a sicker green to match his new pallor. “I was just thinking of dragging you out of your improvised smoke room. Tell me, how do you feel about this dress here?” 

Edwin’s accentuated cheeks grew more pronounced when he turned in the direction Crewel gestured. His hand hovered over his open mouth while he circled the model. “Oh, darling. Who threw you into the trash compactor? What even is this ribbon here? Is it a cape? How many times must I say this: no capes! They are nothing but frivolous excess fabric you could have used for a proper overcoat.” 

Edwin furiously shook his head and wiped his hands against his shirt as if to wipe himself free of the image in front of him. “No, no, no! Who brought this...this thing in here? My eyes are watering every time I look at it. Like a bad onion I've been forced to chop. My dear Monique is rolling in her grave as we speak. Was this hat a part of the outfit?” Edwin stomped on the bowler hat Maddox had kicked away from him. “Trash! Absolute trash!” 

Frog-man emitted another croak. The sound immediately caught Edwin’s attention. His eyes drastically narrowed behind the thick frames of his glasses. “You. I should have known. You reeked of desperation the moment the agency plopped you here. Out! Get his name, address, social security, shoe size—never will he cross paths with my shows again!” 

Edwin’s assistant, who had just caught up with him, immediately jumped to escort frog-man out of the theater. Once he was gone, Edwin dramatically sighed. He dapped at his forehead with a handkerchief. “Why must I deal with such cretins? Divus, dear, you were smart to divert into teaching as a career. We would have murdered half the industry for their incompetence at this point.” 

Crewel’s low chuckle softened the edges of his scarlet. “It is always a pleasure to work with you.” 

“Don’t flatter me. I’ve told you many times, I'm happily married. Monique indulged you far too much.” Edwin fluttered around the model. “Now, what to do with you? Of course, we’ll strip you of this heinous thing immediately. Is there even a design for you to wear now? Curse that little cretin for inflating our numbers with his filth. What is the point of having wardrobe assistants if they sabotage an entire show?” 

Maddox kicked the bowler hat again, feeling a personal resentment towards it. Edwin’s head snapped in his direction. Maddox only caught a flitting deep gray across the man’s colors before it exploded in bright violets and deep pinks. It took Maddox off guard when the man grabbed him by the hand and yanked him and the model through the crowd. “Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! The old ushers in the new. We only have a few hours to finish this, darlings. Trust me though, that is plenty of time to piece together a masterpiece.” 

“What?” Maddox sputtered. He twisted around to shoot a panicked glance at Crewel. The professor hadn’t moved, and Maddox saw the barest hint of a smile in his smirk. His colors had settled back into his usual pewter and cinnamon with a faint edge of dark green. “What’s happening?” 

“Keep up with me, darling,” Edwin said, pulling Maddox out of his stupor. Maddox tripped over his foot scrambling to keep up with the shorter man. The model didn’t seem to be having any easier a time. “How do you plan to design a fitting piece if you’re too busy catching flies in that gaping mouth? Your mother left you a legacy—take it and make it your own. Monique always said she couldn’t wait to share the runway with you.” 

An overwhelming warmth battled with the sudden influx Maddox felt. He easily recalled the memories of working side-by-side with his mother in her little boutique, learning how to sew and work all types of fabrics. She had never said anything as explicit as Edwin did, but he had felt the sentiment every time she complimented the sketches of his designs or suggested an easier method for embellishing his hats. She would never have the chance to see one of his originals walk down the runway. 

Edwin flung bolts of fabric at him once they reached one of the mending stations. Edwin shooed one of the wardrobe assistants away from a sewing machine and ordered the model to stand at the ready once she was stripped of the heinous contraption suffocating her very soul. He pointed at the sewing machine, a wide smile showing the slight gap between his front teeth. “Well, now, Bonnet Jr. Show me your talent.” 

Maddox ripped a square of fabric from the bolt. His mother would never see his work, but he would be sure her final pieces were be celebrated to the fullest. Already, the colors were coming together in his mind’s eye. 

No one would question the harmony of his Mad Original and her Signature Bonnet.  

[hoodievixen]

Things I didn't get to cover in With My Own Eyes (I think) that I want to talk about:

1. Sibyl accidentally got her brother killed doing witchcraft, which in turn made it so her blood cna be used in place of anything in a spell.

2. Sibyl's aunt was meant to pass down the knowledge of witchcraft to her second daughter, but she only had two sons, so Sibyl was taught instead. (Second daughter of the first daughter)

3. The price Sibyl's aunt payed for witchcraft was being paralized from the waist down, while her grandmother gave up her hear. (All the named Sibyl) Aft Sibyl became the Hecate she returned this abilities to. Them, being the Godess of witchcraft after all.

4. Sibyl is an art teacher.

5.This gets into spoiler territory, so skipp this one if you don't want those. I mention Sibyl killing Orpheus in the last chapter. She had tow reasons behind it. First being she felt bad for Orpheus and wanted to help him. Second, doing so made it so Morpheus can't die. The Wicked Sister can't come after him if he hasn't killed his son. (Also idk if they even exist anymore cause of the whole Sibyl being fate now. And complicated name/being stuff)

6. The Gates became a single human baby. I never decided if Sibyl gave her to her aunt to raise, cause she always wanted a daughter, or if just dropped her off at a near by police station.

7. Sibyl preformed the summon of the fates at Stonehenge. Legend has it her car still sits there to this day.

9. Sibyl's dagger is sorta symbolism for her humanity. It's first mentioned as she uses it to protect herself, and then to make herself bleed. Both pretty human things. It dosent get mentioned again until Dream his reminded of her humanity for her chronic pain. It is a gift from Johanna, her only friend and person she can rely on. Using it to cut Orpheus' threat of fate symbolizes her ladt human act, taking revenge against Dream and acting on pity. Leaving it is leaving behind her humanity.

[eugene-not-flynn]

@runningracingdancingchasing​ mentioned wanting to hear more (and also a vigilante verse?? color me intrigued). I’ll try to keep things as concise as I can, but I also get easily excited about my dnd character so... lol 

So my character’s name is Kyssarda: half-elf monk who follows the moon diety, Sehanine. Her parents died in a fire when she was four, and her brother took her to the monastery that same night (rescuing her), but left her at the front door and vanished in the night. She spent the better part of 2 decades waiting for him to come back for her, but he never did. 

Personality wise towards the beginning of the campaign, she was very bubbly and deeply empathetic. She wanted to be everyone’s friend, and had deep-seeded, borderline crippling abandonment issues. It made her cling hard to people, and she became ride-or-die for the party pretty quickly because of it. 

A hop, skip, and a boatride later... she starts getting these weird memories when she meditates and focuses on her brother. The first time, he was bloody and burned standing with her at the front door of the monastery before leaving her. The second time, she’s in her childhood bedroom with the smell of blueberry pie, when she suddenly hears a piercing scream, and her door cracks open. The third time it happens, she learns that it was her father. He’s bleeding from the stomach, and calling her “Kee” and telling her that she has to go with her brother (who is standing in the doorway, injured and afraid). The most recent time was last night’s session, where she learned that her father put her brother and her in Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere, told her to close her eyes, and for her and her brother to run. She didn’t close her eyes (my choice. the angst potential of the guilt she’ll feel about not listening to her father’s final wish for her will haunt her for a while), and turns out it was a Death Knight. It almost killed the two of them as they ran out of the house, but her father cast a spell to keep the Death Knight in place to give his kids a chance to get out. Very... Lily and James Potter (without the transphobic writer). 

 Now as for her anger issues, Kyssarda started experiencing issues with it after losing her first ever real friend (a former PC, wherein the player had to leave). We had an arc trying to get him back, and it was in that arc that she really started to struggle with deep anger. Anger initially, mostly, as a result of feeling helpless to do anything as we kept running into dead ends and having to run from fights. But the anger also was somewhat rooted in these flashbacks, and the general feeling that the world had been beating her and being on her over and over and over, and she could never really do anything. By then she was 9 or 10 levels in monk, so I flavored it as there being a block to her ki. The first time she raged was when she found that first ever friend--now undead. She’s raged a few times since then (her eyes glow green when she does), and always when she is confronted with loss and/or the thing responsible for that loss.  I’m excited for where the character arc goes with her barbarian classes, because I’m going to take her three levels with path of the ancestral guardian (who is going to manifest as a spectral form of her mother, because her mother was a fighter and that’s really where that deeply, ferociously protective instinct in her comes from).  If anybody read this far, thank you so much for reading and engaging with my ramblings about Kyssarda! Anybody is always free to ask me about dnd stuff at any point: Kyssarda or more broadly! 

Thinking a little about how my dnd character was originally somewhat inspired by rapunzel early on and now she had deeply rooted anger issues (she’s taken levels in barbarian) and also got a backstory bomb dropped and smxnznsndbsks

[ginnyweatherby]

how do people think dolores hates mirabel? i feel like they only interacted like 4 times the whole movie 💀

Literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard, and clearly they didn't watch the same movie I did. Nobody in the family hates Mirabel, yet people always seem to accuse them of straight up neglecting her. But that's an argument for another day, I suppose.

In regards the comment in question:

First of all, I don't know where they got this idea that Dolores blabbed to benefit herself? She helped set up the engagement dinner. She was the one to tell Isabela about Mariano wanting 5 babies - with a smirk on her face. She has never shown any ill will toward Isabela. Even if she had, how does gossiping benefit Camilo, Felix, or Pepa - who all also blabbed?

To speak on your point, Dolores and Mirabel don't interact often, but when they do, Dolores is helping Mira, not hurting.

I have my own theories on whether or not Dolores actually knew where Bruno was hiding, but I'll stick to what's said in the movie.

Before breakfast, Dolores is the one to tell her that Luisa was nervous too. She even tells her she can hear "the rats talking in the walls". What rats talk, exactly? She's hinting!

During WDTAB Dolores is the one speaking about him in more or less the present tense, while Pepa and the villagers talk strictly about the past.

Don't even get me started on her being the villain. That might be worse than those that call Alma the villain. I've seen this argument made a few times and... seriously? Use your brain please. Dolores is far from the bad guy here.

[neowinestainedress]

shattered glasses (all distorted) | lee jeno

title: shattered glasses (all distorted) | part 1 | masterlist | playlist

pairing: lee jeno x fem!oc/reader (no name used, written in third person) | side member: jeong jaehyun, oc's brother!jaemin | mentioned: lee haechan, park jisung, lee mark, suh johnny

genre: smut, fluff, angst, yandere-ish

summary: there’s only one way to survive in a cage made of rose-colored glasses: don’t shatter the glasses, reality will be painful to accept. 

warnings: yandere behaviours, stalking, possessiveness, (a LOT of) gaslighting, love-bombing, fights, violence, implied undefined mental health issues, dark themes overall, smut, voyeurism, masturbation (implied public masturbation), overstimulation, dumbification, oral sex (f/m), unprotected sex, dirty talk, praise, degradation, mentions of anal f receiving, Jeno is not mean as in the first one, but it doesn’t mean he’s better (sigh) | this one is darker than the first one so PLEASE read the warnings and make sure nothing triggers you. Just like the first one, it has no intentions of romanticizing these types of relationships, it’s simple fiction, written to dig deeper into morally grey characters and toxic behaviours that happen even in real life. If you recognize any of these signs of manipulation in your or your friend’s relationship reach out for help.

words: 28.723k

a/n: this was a lot to write, twisted my stomach but I also loved doing it. It would mean a lot to know what you think about it with comments, reblogs or asks. Especially how you feel about the ending because I had so many different ideas in mind and yeah, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

If you click ‘read more’ you agree you consent to what you’re reading and you’re fully responsible for the media you consume.

“Hi, bunny.” 

Her face lit up when she raised it and met Jeno’s eyes. “Hi, love.” Her voice came out loudly, cheering happily as she pushed closed the door of the bar she worked at. The spring breeze ruffled her hair. “I wasn’t expecting you to pick me up.” 

Jeno smiled, leaning down to leave a peck on her lips and giving her his arm so she could intertwine it with hers. “Finished earlier and I missed you, so I thought of passing by. Also, you know I don’t like it when you take the metro.” 

She chuckled, “I’m safe, nothing bad will happen to me.” It had been by now six months since they were dating, to be more correct, since they got back together. Forgiving him and trusting him again hadn’t been easy but not even as hard as she imagined, it was like Jeno had put a spell on her and he was also really good at being forgiven. He took care of her in a way nobody else ever did, maybe too much care. 

“Everything fine?” Jeno asked when, sitting in his car seat, he quickly turned around to stare at her and saw how she was nervously playing with her fingers. 

“Yeah, just, uhm… nothing.” 

Jeno quirked a brow before starting the car, looking at the street to make sure he could get out of the parking lot, but he had no intention to drop the conversation. “What’s going on? Is something bothering you?” 

“Not really, I just… Okay, there’s a new guy at work, and I don’t like the attention he gives me.” 

Jeno almost messed up changing the gear but the tone of his voice was composed as he tried to dig deeper. “Attention?” 

She nodded, thumb trapped in her teeth as she pulled her skin hard. 

He glanced at her, “Don’t do it, you’ll bleed,” he said, grabbing her hand and intertwining it with his, placing them on the stick. “What’s his name?” 

“Oh, you don’t even know him. But it’s fine, I guess he thinks I’m single. He’s nice, though, it’s just clear he’s trying to hit,” she chuckled, smiling dumbly at the way Jeno’s hand squeezed hers tighter. But Jeno didn’t find it funny at all. 

“Of course, he doesn’t know…” The words come out in a whisper, and for a moment he thought about stopping with this bullshit of keeping her a secret. “If he keeps bothering you let me know.” 

“Yeah, but you don’t have to worry. Tomorrow I’ll tell him I’m not single and I’m sure he will stop.” 

“I hope so,” Jeno grunted, letting go of her hand, placing it on her tight, because if he held it as tight as he was holding the wheel he would’ve broken her bones. 

“Can I stay at your place?” She asked when silence fell in the car.

A soft smile crept on Jeno’s face, “Sure, to be honest, you’re always there anyway so why would it bother me today?” 

“I don’t know…” she answered, leaving the phrase pend in the air. 

“Is this again about him?” 

“Who? Jaehyun?” 

“Jaehyun? So that’s his name?” He impressed his name in his brain, with the memo of reminding himself to dig deeper into him. 

“Yeah, but I told you, you have nothing to worry about.” 

“Then what is this about?” 

“My dad, Jeno. We had another fight,” she confessed, sighing heavily, and rubbing her temples in circles. 

“Another?” He asked, holding the wheel tighter. 

“Yeah, you know, the usual. He says he wasted money on me and that I’m a failure. He wants me to pay to live at their place.” 

“Are you for real?” Jeno’s tone got scarier and she turned around to reassure him, but her smile was fake and Jeno knew exactly what her fake smile looked like. “Don’t play with me.” 

“I just don’t want to think about him. You know he always says the same things and then never does anything.” She leaned against the window pane, hoping Jeno would’ve let go. Her relationship with her father had worsened in the last months. Since Jaemin moved out and got an amazing job in a company, her humble work at the bar was something to be ashamed of. And to add to the humiliation her parents felt since she still lived with them, they also rubbed in her face that she was always out — too much for their liking, as if they ever care to worry about them or what they were doing when they were the ones always around the globe for work. 

Jeno was about to talk again but decided to keep his mouth shut, turning on the radio because he couldn’t stand the silence between them. 

But there was something bothering him, thoughts running in his brain the whole evening, running so fast that a painful headache was starting to form. He shook his head, trying to push them out, but the more he stared at her, cuddled up against him on the sofa, laughing at a joke from the tv show they were watching, the more they haunted him. 

“I think you should move in with me.” 

She blinked repeatedly, not sure if he was talking to her or maybe was saying something out of nowhere. 

“I mean it, move in with me.” 

She scoffed, shaking her head, shifting in her seat to have a better view of his face. 

“Do I even have to remind you that you still don’t want my brother to know? Or wait, nobody has to know.” 

Jeno huffed, sighing loudly. “And? Do they have to know where you live?”

She furrowed, was he being serious? 

“And what do I do? Come here without telling my parents?” 

“Just tell them you’re moving out. They don’t want you there anymore. And, it’s not like they’d come visit you anyway. You’re not Jaemin, you don’t get any special treatment.” 

She didn’t answer, gulping because yes, he was right, but why did he have this habit of being so honest? Even if he didn’t have bad intentions he always hurt her so badly. 

“Don’t do that,” he said, making her lift her gaze again. “You know they don’t care about you, not like I do,” he added, caressing her cheek, gently rubbing his thumb on her skin. “You deserve so much better, bunny.” 

She hummed before turning around to face the tv again but this time with a heavy heart. “I — I’ll think about it.” 

“I don’t understand why you always treat me like this!” She screamed, slamming the door of her bedroom, knowing that for sure her father was going to get even madder. And as expected, the door slammed open. 

“Slam the door again and I’ll kick your ass out of this house. You have no idea of all the sacrifices we had to do to build up everything we have and you are a disgrace to your family.” 

“Honey, let her be,” her mother tried to calm him down, but her husband had no intention to listen. 

“Let her be? We gave up, paid for her art school, and look at her now, working in a fucking bar. And all she does is cry. Grow up. Be at least a quarter of what your brother is and then you’ll have my respect.” 

She fell to the floor, hugging her body to try to push her father’s harsh words away but it was a trick that didn’t work anymore. It never worked, not even when she was ten, and hid under the bed, hoping the pain would go away just like that. 

“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I’ll look for a better job, I’ll pay the bills, I’ll be the daughter you want me to be.” 

“You will never be her,” her father spat out before the door slammed close again. 

Her first reaction was to grab her phone and search for her boyfriend’s contact but then she stopped. Jeno would’ve told her once again that they didn’t love her and didn’t deserve her but those weren’t the words she wanted to hear. She even thought about calling Jaemin, but he had never been one to support her. He probably hated her more than her parents did. Calling her friends was off the table, they didn’t know what was going on behind closed doors and they couldn’t know. 

So the only solution was to lay on the cold floor and let tears flood her face, trying to don’t be too loud because she got on her family’s nerves even if she breathed too loudly. 

But while she laid there, she thought about what to do about her life. 

Of one thing she was sure, she couldn’t keep going on like this. 

“You feel weird?” Her best friend, Ningning, had asked her, a cute furrow on her face because she couldn’t understand what her friend meant exactly by that. 

“It’s a weird sensation, I don’t know how to explain,” she sighed, letting her head fall on the bed, watching her get ready for a night out she couldn’t go. 

“Maybe you just need to take your mind off this whole new ‘revolutionising your life’ thing,” Ningning proposed, turning around on the chair, while she applied the blush on her cheeks. “Come to the party.”

“I can’t,” she sighed, hugging the pillow. It had been around two weeks by now since she started trying to make her father happier, nothing had changed for now, but she was hoping for better results soon. She started sending her resume to different companies and was also looking for a small apartment she could afford on her own. 

“Hyuck told me Jeno will be there, too,” Ningning said, raising a brow and smirking. 

“Hyuck? Really? Are you two…?” 

“Shut up, this is not about us. Focus on Jeno, I saw the way he was looking at you the last time we went out.”

Right… Jeno. Jeno and all of her friends not knowing what was going on between them. Jeno and the break she took with him two weeks ago so she could fully focus on her life. 

“I don’t have a crush on him anymore,” she replied, sitting on the bed, looking for her phone because she wanted to make sure Jeno wasn’t going to the party with them. But then guilt took over, they had barely spoken in the past days, just a morning and night text every day and some casual checks up two days a week, that was all she could afford; he was too much of a distraction. But it didn’t seem fair to break her own rules because she was afraid of him being surrounded by pretty girls without her around. 

“Are you sure?” Ningning smirked, fixing her black dress, grinning at her friend from the mirror. 

“Yeah,” she sighed, standing up from the bed. “By the way, you look amazing, and I have to go back home.” 

Ningning smiled at the compliment but then her face turned serious, “Wait, about that feeling,” she stopped her before she could get out of the door. “My mom’s a therapist, maybe she can help you with that. You’re really stressed lately,” the blonde cooed, cupping her cheeks and leaving a peck on her forehead. “I want my cheerful baby back.” 

She chuckled, kissing her friend’s cheek before opening the door. “I’ll reach out to her if things get worst.” 

Jeno didn’t want to appear like a perverted psycho, obsessed with her, but he couldn’t understand how everything seemed to be completely fine for her. 

Why didn’t she miss him like he missed her? 

Why was she always so happy? Not that he wanted her to be miserable but wasn’t she going through some shit? So why was she always smiling? Especially with Jaehyun. 

To be completely honest, Jeno didn’t want to stare, not the first time, at least. It happened that he casually passed by the bar she worked at and saw her, giving him her back, cleaning a table that was close to the window but not enough that she could see him. A smile formed on his face, after five days he finally saw her again, soft hair pulled back into a bun by the silk rubber band he had gifted her and her delicate smile dimpling her cheek.

That was all Jeno needed to see to make his day better, right before someone else appeared in his line of sight. A man who must have been no older than four years of them, he was tall, and from the white T-shirt that hugged his body, Jeno could glimpse the outlined muscles beneath the thin fabric. Light brown hair fell softly over his forehead, long enough to cover his dark eyes if he did not move it with his hands. 

But Jeno could care less about him as a person. Why was he so close to her? Why was she laughing with him? Why was she touching him? What could he possibly have said that was so funny that she felt the need to rest her hand on his bicep and smile at him like that, tilting her head, pinching her tongue between her teeth, and scrunching her nose? 

Repressing the urge to enter by slamming the door and dragging her away from him was difficult, but after taking a deep breath he decided to leave. The blood boiled in his veins, and he could not get those images out of his mind. They ran through his mind like the end credits of a movie, something he did not want to see but his mind replayed and replayed as if it wanted to torture him.

So it was just obvious that the next day Jeno found himself there again. 

Jeno had no idea anymore about the shifts she was working, he knew what it was like to work in that bar, practically never the same routine because there was always someone with problems popping up at the last minute. But by the middle of the week, Jeno seemed to get the hang of it. 

She was working every day, all day. Excluded the few hours when she went out, presumably to go to job interviews with the agencies she had contacted. He even wondered how legal all of that was but once again, he wasn’t surprised knowing the place. 

But why?

He huffed, taking off his jacket as he died from the heat even though the car, parked in a strategic place that allowed him to see without being seen, was not started. He had discovered that parking lot a few months earlier, total causality, but he had always liked it because there was something thrilling about being able to spy on her from a distance. And luckily, it was coming in handy now. 

‘How are you doing? Everything okay at home?’

There it was; the first extra message of the week was gone and he could only hope to receive a response that would reassure him. 

But the answer was not coming, and he was beginning to lose patience, puffs of air escaping noisily from his lips as his slender fingers and feet in the black converse tapped at a pace present only in his mind. 

His nervous movements stopped when he saw her exit the bar, smiling as she held the door for someone else. 

Him. 

Again. 

His eyebrows curved as his lips rippled in an expression mixed between confusion and anger. Eyes darkening as the two leaned back against the short wall to...eat? 

Jeno’s eyes moved quickly to the watch around his wrist. 

4 p.m. 

Definitely too late for lunch.

A snack? While they laughed together? And stayed so close to each other?

“Fuck,” he muttered, wanting to roll down the window to hear what they were talking about, but to do so he would’ve had to start the car and they would’ve surely heard him. “Why the fuck does she always laugh so hard when she’s with him?”

Then he remembered that she still didn’t answer, and his fingers tightened even more firmly around the steering wheel. Only to relax when she reached for her phone to answer...

“She’s not answering?” He whispered, watching in disbelief as she said something to him before putting the phone back in her pocket and smiling once again at something he said. 

“Who the fuck does he think he is?”

Jeno had no idea who he was, but he was sure he was going to find out.

When another week had passed, she was wrecked. Not only the full shifts to make some more money were mentally and physically killing her, but that weird sensation seemed to be growing instead of disappearing. She felt constantly watched and Ningning kept telling her that it was just stress, she just needed to relax, or maybe call an exorcist because ‘you’re never sure about the people who have died inside your house and never left.’ 

But she rolled her eyes at her friend’s words, deciding that the best solution was the first. 

So she laid on her bed, luckily for her, her parents weren’t home, so she had this whole Sunday night to herself. 

The temptation to call Jeno was high. She missed him like crazy and even if she wouldn’t have called him over, maybe hearing his voice through a call was better than trying to reminisce him, his tone, his sinful words, or his touches. 

But then she decided not to. 

She had learned a lot of things in these past months, but she was still a bit ashamed of talking about this and the idea of sexting, or whatever it was called, so that stopped her from picking up her phone. 

She could use some imagination. So she tried to replicate what Jeno did. Letting her hands wander on her body, slowly, taking time to let all her nerves wake up and get drunk at the sensation. It wasn’t like getting touched by him, the goosebumps erupting from her skin weren’t even close to the ones that Jeno’s fingers provoked, but it was better than nothing. 

When the teasing got too much, not satisfying her enough, she slipped out of her clothes, laying bare on her bed, sheets crumpled at the end of the mattress as she tried to relax against the soft surface. Her fingers already knew the path, tracing down her skin by memory until they reached the spot she needs to touch the most. Fingertips circling on her clit after gathering the wetness that pooled out of her. 

Her head rolled back as her fingers quickened the pace, moving fast to reach the first climax that already made her feel better, but it still wasn’t enough. So her fingers slipped inside her with ease, pumping and curling inside of her the same way Jeno did, they didn’t reach as deep as him, and she felt like she didn’t know herself as deeply as Jeno did, but if she closed her eyes, she could see him. His body hovering over hers, one hand to keep himself up, pressing on the mattress close to her head, while the other was buried deep into her. Praising how good she was taking him, how messy she was, how desperate she was for him. Already looking wrecked just with a touch. 

“Fuck,” she moaned loudly when she came for the second time, walls clenching around her fingers and chest heaving. 

She stood there for a while, combatted between stopping there or doing more. But then her needs took over and she turned around to search for something in her bottom drawer. 

The toy Jeno had gifted her. 

She could still remember how embarrassed she was when he gave it to her, but she couldn’t deny that it had turned out useful. Not that Jeno ever left her without him for long, but during those rare occasions when they weren’t together, or when they wanted to do something different, she liked it. 

She brought it to her lips, slowly starting to suck it to get it wet, and then pushed it past her entrance, the tip stretching her out before she let it fill her completely. 

“Mhh, so good,” she breathed out, eyelashes fluttering as she moved it in and out. Legs parting more to make it reach deeper and angle it better exactly how she liked it. 

“Jeno,” she started moaning out his name, eyes closed as her brain pictured him instead, his touch still lingering on her skin, his moans filling her ears, his cock rubbing against her insides. 

“Louder.”

“Jeno,” she screamed. It was like she could hear him. As if he was right there, at the edge of the bed, staring at her, boring holes into her skin. 

“Je — Jeno,” she breathed out, so close to coming again… 

Her blood froze in her veins when a loud sound came from outside and the bushes moved. She gulped, toy falling to the side when she pulled it out so fast that she almost hurt herself. Her legs started shaking more, and this time not from pleasure, as she slowly started walking to the window after throwing a blanket on herself. She looked outside, but there was nothing, or better, nobody. She took a breath of relief, maybe it was a stray cat or the wind, it surely was that. 

But when she turned back, she saw her phone on the bedside table, forgotten while she was trying to destress. She walked to it, not even knowing why, but worrying when she saw so many texts from Jeno’s contact but her heart dropped for another reason as she scrolled through them. 

“I miss you.” 

“I know I shouldn’t text you.” 

“I know it’s hard for you but I can’t help it.” 

“I’m thinking about you.” 

“I’m thinking about you while I’m touching myself.” 

“I miss your mouth so much.” 

“are you thinking about me when you touch yourself?” 

“your fingers are not like mine” 

“I wouldn’t stop like you”

“I’d make you come over and over just with them” 

“Are you thinking about me while you pretend – 

That that toy can satisfy you like my cock” 

“what I’d give to feel you again.” 

“to have you spread like this on my bed.” 

“Moan my name” 

“louder”

“I want to hear you”

“you’re so fucking hot when you’re about to come”

She looked around in panic, holding the blanket that was covering her tighter, and ran back to close the blinds. That was just a coincidence, right? He simply missed her and masturbated thinking about her and as a mere coincidence she was doing it too. He must’ve only guessed she was fingering herself, and that she was sucking her toy before fucking herself with it. Probably he was drunk and was just ranting about how badly he missed her. 

It had to be a creepy, odd coincidence. 

She would’ve talked to him the next day. 

“I was thinking that if you need a good job maybe my dad could set you up somewhere,” Jeno proposed. They had finally met after what felt like decades, it wasn’t the type of date Jeno wanted to have — grocery wasn’t exactly how he wanted to spend time with her — but it was better than nothing. 

“If my dad finds out I work for your dad he’d be even madder about it. And why would your father hire me? Because I’m your girlfriend? He doesn’t even know it. And I don’t want to get a job like this.” 

“Well, but you’re smart, I’m sure he can find a place for you.” His father was never a presence emotionally but when it came to money and favors he believed they could replace a hug or a word of comfort, so Jeno was sure he could help.

She shook her head, cancelling something from the list before pushing the kart again. 

“Thanks, but no, I’m dealing with this by myself.” 

Jeno hummed, looking at her while she searched for something on the shelves. “I miss you,” he said for the nth time. “I know why you’re doing this, I know I promised I was going to wait for you but… not seeing you at all is too much.” 

She turned around, pushing him to the side to let an old lady walk next to them. “You think it’s not hard for me? You are the only good thing I have in my life right now and I’m pushing it away to make proud of me a man that probably will never be. How do you think I feel?” 

“But that’s the point. You’re doing this for your father, not for you. When will you put yourself first and stop trying to please others? Especially him. He paid you dust all your life, and gave everything to Jaemin. You could be the Ceo of Samsung one day and it still won’t be enough for him so why are you tearing your happiness apart for him?” 

She swallowed hard, “Lower your voice, please.” 

Jeno scoffed, pushing the kart past her, and ripping the list from her hands. 

“Jeno, stop,” she said, running after him. “I don’t want to talk about this in public.” 

“Sure, or you don’t want to talk about this at all because you’re too busy licking his boots, right?” 

She stopped, feeling on the verge of tears again. “You’re supposed to be my happy place not another source of pain,” she replied, facing him and glaring at him. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized immediately, pulling her into a hug. “I’m sorry, I know this is a lot for you but it gets me so mad seeing you crawl for him when he doesn’t deserve you. But at the end of the day he’s your father,” he said, pulling away, caressing her nape, “and I can’t come between you two. I’m sure you’ll make him proud.” 

She lowered her head, rubbing her hands against her arms before she started walking again. 

“Hey, I’m sorry.”  

“I know, I… I know you are. I promise you just until I find a better job and then we’ll get back to before.” 

“He offered you a job?” Ningning squealed, looking at her in disbelief, and shaking Yeri’s shoulders. 

“Are you sure it’s not a scam? Didn’t he just start working at your bar?” 

“He needed some money to have more safety for his and his friend’s business. But when he heard about my degree he was so happy to propose me a place.” 

“Oh, well, that’s good then. I hope it turns well for you, you deserve it.” Her friend cheered, finally happy she could stop stressing over work. 

“Yeah, and now I can also finally spend more time with J — with you, I had missed you so much.” 

“Talking about that,” Ningning said, a grin curling her lips, “Hyuck’s throwing a night at his place. He told me to bring some friends.” 

“Oh, I think I’ll pass.” 

“Weren’t you happy two seconds ago about spending time with us?” Yeri asked, pouting at her and crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

“Yeah, but you know I don’t get along with his friends, we only got close to them because apparently, these two can’t stop fucking.” 

“Hey! Watch your words,” Ningning warned with a threatening pointy finger. “I’m sure it will be fun, come on.” 

“I don’t know, I’ll let you know tomorrow, okay?” 

“You can be so boring sometimes,” the blonde joked, “but it’s fine, we get it if you want to get some of the sleep you didn’t have these weeks.”

“Bunny?” Jeno answered the phone. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, never been better.” 

“Never been better? What happened?” He wanted to ask if her father died but seeing the way she reacted to critics against him it was better not to. 

“I found a job!” She exclaimed cheerfully. 

“Really? That’s amazing, bunny. What company hired you?” He should’ve gone back inside to work, but he was more focused on this. He could finally have her back. 

“Well, it’s not exactly a company,” she explained. “It’s a new business but it’s related to what I studied for. Jaehyunnie was so hyped when I casually talked about my studies that he immediately offered it to me. I had an interview this morning with his other friend that technically will be our boss when we’ll fire ourselves from here and he was so happy about me —”

“Wait, wait, wait…” he said, stopping her in her tracks. “Jaehyunnie?” 

“Oh, yeah, Jaehyun. Remember? The new guy at the bar.” 

Him. 

“And you got so close that you call him by that nickname?” 

“Yeah, I basically taught him everything, it was impossible not to get close to. He’s a really nice friend. And most importantly he gave me this job.” 

Jeno scoffed. 

“What’s so funny?” She asked, not understanding his reaction, smile dropping because she expected him to be happy. 

“No, nothing. When I wanted to offer you, my girlfriend, a job, a well-paid one, in an already started business it was a nasty way to get there with connections, but this is fine.” 

“It’s different,” she replied, her enthusiasm dying as soon as she heard his tone. 

“Oh, really, how? No wait, I know how. You let a stranger help you terribly but not your boyfriend.”

“But — but it’s what I like to do. You said that I shouldn’t have crawled for my father but do what I like.” 

“Yes, but do something that gave you an opportunity. If he had this job why would he work there?”

“It’s already a started business, they’re simply bringing it to Seoul and finally with a physical building. I thought you were going to be happy for me…” Her heart sank in her chest, this was the last reaction she expected. 

“I am, I’m so happy for you. I hope it won’t let you down.” 

“You’re not really —”

“I have to go, bye.”

When the phone shut down, she felt a bitter taste in her mouth. Grunting, she let her body fall against the bed, the sheets hollowing around her frame. She couldn’t get why he acted like this. Why couldn’t he just be happy for her? 

She thought about calling him again or texting him to explain the situation again, but she was too happy to deal with his mood swing, so she grabbed her phone again and texted Ningning instead. 

‘If you save some time to celebrate me, I’m coming to Hyuck’s place.’ 

It took Ningning two seconds to respond and making her smile again.

‘Ofc! I knew I could count on you.’ 

‘I’m sorry for the way I reacted the other day. I know how big you dream I’m afraid he might get your hopes up and you will be even more hurt, and you know why…’ 

‘Make-up dinner at my place? I’ll pick you up at 7?’ 

She sighed, watching the phone light up just when she was done getting ready for the small gathering with the others. She couldn’t lie to him, Hyuck would’ve told him if she went there, and there were high chances Jaemin was going to be there too. So one way or another, Jeno was going to find out the truth. 

‘I can’t tonight, I already have plans. Sorry.’ 

That was not the message Jeno expected to see. 

That was not a message Jeno wanted to see. 

‘Plans? With who?’ 

He typed it out calmly, but inside of him something bubbled, leg throbbing nervously as he waited for an answer that was slow to come. 

What the fuck was she doing? What games what she playing? 

‘I wanted to ask you if you went when I called you yesterday, but then you got mad and I didn’t.’ 

‘I’m going with the girls to Hyuck’s place.’ 

His body froze. 

Haechan? Since when she liked his company? And why the fuck he knew nothing about this? 

‘Is he throwing a party?’ He typed because it was the calmest question that was running in his brain as he walked to his bedroom to change into new clothes immediately. 

‘he didn’t tell you?’ 

‘well, anyway it’s just something small. And it’s also a small celebration for me.’ 

He groaned, picking up the phone and calling her. 

“Where are you?” 

“What do you mean where I am?” She answered, surprised by his tone, a mix between angry, worried and something else she couldn’t point out. 

“Where the — where are you?” He calmed down, opening the front door to jump into his car. “I’ll take you there.” 

“You don’t have to. Ning is coming, it’s the only way to don’t make her pass out.” 

“I don’t care, I’ll pick you up.” 

“You didn’t even know about the party, why can’t I go alone?” 

Jeno stopped the car, afraid he was going to get in an accident. “Now you want to go there alone? Am I getting heavy?” 

“No, I didn’t say that. But, we have to be extremely careful and we can’t be together anyway so just stay at home.” 

Jeno clenched his fist around the wheel. 

“Why do you even want to go there?” 

“To spend time with the girls,” she replied, trying to muffle the annoyed sighs that were threatening to roll out.  

“As if they will spend it with you,” he snorted. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Ningning will be all up Haechan in less than half an hour and Yeri will be kissing Mark as soon as you step inside. What are you left with? Your brother and Jisung?” 

“It’s not a party, they won’t leave to make out…” she mumbled, starting to get nervous, nervously fidgeting with the zip of her dress. 

“Why don’t you just let me pass by and I’ll celebrate you?” 

“You weren’t even happy about my job,” she replied bitterly.

“I explained it to you, please.” 

“They are here,” she replied when the bell rang, grabbing her purse, and rushing to the door. “We’ll see each other another time.” 

Jeno punched the wheel before he started driving to Haechan’s place anyway. He wasn’t going to let her go alone. 

The party, or night together, was a bit of a bummer, right at the moment she didn’t want to prove Jeno right but his predictions came true. 

Her friends had disappeared and she was left alone with her brother, Jisung and two other people she had never met. 

She was even tempted to call Jeno, find lame excuses about how the party ended sooner and spend some time with him, but she didn’t want to humiliate herself like that. Sure, Jeno couldn’t know this had been a failure. 

But Jeno knew it. He had grown up in that house and he knew all the exact spots to see inside without being caught, also helped by Haechan’s habit of keeping all the blinds open. He could see her sitting on the couch, an empty glass in hand and a fake smile on her face as she talked to Jisung. 

‘having fun?’ 

He smiled when she grabbed her phone and smiled after reading his name, but his smile dropped as soon as she locked it again and didn’t answer. 

What was she doing? Was it a way to pretend she was so caught up in the party she had no time to answer him? Smart move, he had to give that to her. 

“Can you go call them?” She asked her brother when it was getting too much, and he rolled his eyes. 

“Why do you want to ruin their fun? Unlike you, they’re having it.” 

“They can fuck when they don’t have guests at home.” 

“They’re not fucking, you would hear them,” he grinned, backed up by Jisung, “but fine, I’ll go call them.” 

As soon as he left she grabbed her phone again, a small smile on her face while she answered Jeno’s texts. 

‘yep, it’s chill but nice. I missed the girls.’ 

‘and you?’ 

He smirked, shaking his head, before bringing it on her again, nervously scratching her neck and looking around. She was so out of place, he would’ve never got why she tried so hard to fit in them. 

‘like shit without you|’

‘like shit|’

‘like|’ 

‘going to sleep soon.’ 

‘can we see each other tomorrow? fix this like adults?’ 

But her answer never came since the girls came back downstairs and her phone slipped into the back of her mind. And Jeno almost hit the window with a punch, he didn’t like how easy it was for her to push him in the back of her mind. 

“This room is so expensive; you spoil me too much.” The suite they were staying in for the weekend was luxurious, she had no idea how much Jeno had spent on it, but it was surely more than she could imagine, and for now, even afford. 

“Had to have you all to myself for a few days,” he replied, grabbing the bottle of champagne and winking at her. 

“I basically moved in with you.” She walked closer to him, sitting on the big crème armchair, watching attentively as he poured the alcohol into the flutes. 

“Basically, but not officially,” he reminded her, eyebrows raising, and a hint of bitterness in the tone of his voice. “Also, your new job is taking you away from me.” 

The laugh that rolled out of her mouth was carefree, but Jeno found it slightly annoying, he wasn’t kidding. The hours of her shifts were weird, and never the same, even if they wanted to, they couldn’t plan anything during the week. 

“So, that’s why you’re taking me away? This is like the third weekend we spent traveling around.” 

Jeno hummed, sitting on the armrest before handing her one of the two glasses. “Don’t you love it? You have me all to yourself for two days straight,” he said, caressing her cheek, before his hand moved down her neck, making her close her eyes at the tickling touch. “No work,” he whispered, taking a gulp of champagne and kissing her, passing the liquid into her mouth, making her squirm and moan once she swallowed. “No annoying father,” he added, kissing her again, tongue playing with hers. “No worries,” he finished, pulling away, placing the glasses on the closest table and pulling her in his arms. 

No friends. And especially no Jaehyun. He wanted to add, but those were thoughts he had to keep to himself. 

So instead of thinking of them, he laid her on the bed, he was going to make her forget about them in another way. 

“Let me take care of you,” he hummed, kissing her jawline, nibbling her earlobe, and making her giggle. “What’s so funny?” 

She shook her head, “I’m sensitive there, it’s ticklish.” 

He smiled, “Do you mind if I kiss you… here?” His lips landed on her neck, precisely on the spot between her jaw and neck, sucking it and pulling away with a loud pop. And then he moved down, kissing her collarbone. His hands promptly pulled her dress off her, revealing her body to him. “The set I got you, uh?” 

She nodded, arms covering her chest, the bralette pushing her boobs up, making her feel exposed. 

“Still hiding from me, bunny? Really?” 

“I’m not used to seeing myself in these things…” she confessed.

Jeno snickered, hand moving behind her back, unclasping it. “Off it goes, then.” 

A moan slipped loudly out of her mouth when his lips wrapped around her nipples, sucking avidly, already making her squirm at the bare touch. 

He had her in the palm of his hands, it was so easy to maneuver her. 

“Will make you feel so good bunny, you will even forget your name,” he whispered after pulling away from her with a loud sound. “Need you to be relaxed, can’t stand seeing you come home from work and be exhausted,” he whispered, moving his hand on her laced panties, rubbing his fingers on her lips, already feeling the fabric get wetter. 

“Please,” she mumbled, the word coming out muffled as she kept her lips trapped in her teeth. 

Jeno chuckled, “Please? You want that baby?” He hummed, fingers pressing harder on her clit as he moved them in circles. “Want me to turn you into a brain-empty bunny?” 

“Yes, please,” she replied, voice barely higher than a whisper, while she forced her eyes open to look at him. Chest already raising faster as he kept teasing her, moving his fingers up and down on the panties, not leaving a single inch of her sensitive zone untouched. 

“Stop squirming, baby,” he ordered, keeping her in place by pressing an open hand on her stomach. “I won’t give you more, need you to be patient.” 

“But I want you,” she pleaded, still trying to stay still and listen to his orders, but it was quite hard when his fingers felt like a mocking tease, barely grazing her and then giving her what she wanted, a back and forth that was driving her insane. 

“I know, bunny, I know, but good girls aren’t greedy, remember?”

She hummed, giving up, it was useless, he always got what he wanted anyway. 

“Come here,” he ordered, swiftly getting off the bed, and waiting for her to follow. “Now,” he ordered when she was staring at him with a confused — slightly disappointed — look on her face. “On your knees,” he said, watching attentively as she positioned on the floor in front of him. “Oh, look at your face, bunny. Eager to suck my cock?” 

She nodded, a shy smile on her face, “You never let me do it…” she whispered, hesitantly placing her hands on his belt, waiting for his nod to start undressing him. “Sometimes I fear I’m not good at it.” 

“Oh, honey, no,” he cooed, thumb caressing her cheek, smirking when her eyes lightened up when she freed his cock from his underwear. “You’re so good, came so far from the messy girl of your first time, remember?” 

“Unfortunately,” she whispered, lowering her gaze, but Jeno cupped her face and forced her up. 

“Look at me, bunny. Keep your eyes on me when you take it all in your mouth, you can do it, right?” She nodded, tongue rolling out, waiting for him to push his tip inside. “Good bunny,” he praised, hand moving back to grab her hair and gently push her on his hard cock. “If you’re good I’ll give you everything you want. I’ll fuck you all night, baby, you want that? Yes, you do, come on, suck it.” 

In a second her head started moving back and forth, at first slowly, wetting it before she started sucking with force. 

“Fuck,” Jeno groaned, throwing his head back, tightening the hold on her hair but not forcing her head against him, giving her complete control. “You’re so good, bunny. So fucking good.” 

The praise got to her head, ass swinging side to side as she shifted closer to him and started reaching deeper, the tip of his cock hitting her throat, nose rubbing against his abs with every thrust. She could feel she was already making a bigger mess in her panties, the way Jeno was looking down at her and how deep his moans were, almost making her come on the spot. 

And Jeno loved how concentrated she was even if she was barely holding it together, always such a good girl, his good girl. A cute furrow creating deep creases on her forehead and big eyes looking up into him.

“That’s it,” he groaned, nails grazing her neck, causing more moans to vibrate around his length. “Want me to fuck you?” He asked, dark eyes staring deeply into hers while she nodded eagerly. “Beg for it,” he ordered.

She was about to pull away but Jeno pushed her flush against him, keeping her there, looking up with confused eyes. “I said, beg me to fuck you.” 

He chuckled deeply when she gagged around him, gargling around his size while she tried to speak, “I know you can’t talk, I don’t really care, you sound so pretty with your mouth stuffed. Beg.” 

She huffed, placing her hands on his thighs to hold herself somewhere and started muffling around him, not a single word made sense and it only caused her to make more of a mess, spit drooling down her chin to the floor.  

“Fuck,” Jeno groaned, throwing his head back. “You sound so pretty when you can’t form a single coherent thought, bunny. Just a mess in my hands, aren’t you?” 

She hummed, trying to nod but the hold he had on her barely made her move. 

“Want me to fuck you dumb, bunny? Yeah? Until your mind goes completely blank?” She nodded, gasping when he pulled her away, sucking in the air in her lungs with greed. 

“Yes, please, please. I want to — want to think about nothing at all.” 

Jeno smiled, thumb brushing her lips, smearing the mix of drool and cum before he pushed it deep into her mouth, thumb pressing on her tongue, triggering her gag reflex. “You don’t gag around my cock, though,” he chuckled while pulling out, cock twitching at her already fucked out eyes. He couldn’t wait to ruin her even more. 

“Open up again for me,” he instructed, a deep moan rumbling in his chest when she obeyed with no hesitation. “I’m gonna grab the back of your neck and fuck your pretty face just how I want,” he said, pushing into her, moving slowly, making her feel the veins of his dick, and pulling out just to tease her lips with his head, “and then I’ll give you all you want,” he groaned as he pushed in, “everything you deserve.” 

Jeno wasn’t gentle, he never was when he lost his mind at the sight of her looking like a mess under him, letting him do whatever he wanted. His hips slamming with force, the lewd sounds of his balls hitting her chin, and the gargling and gagging sounds he was eliciting out of her mouth. He couldn’t last when she started squirming and he knew she was trying to squeeze her thighs to feel something. 

“Fuck, fuck, that’s it, bunny. Take my cum,” he said through gritted teeth, keeping her still against him, while he came into her mouth, so deep into her throat, she had no choice but to swallow, not that she would’ve spat anyway. 

When Jeno pulled out she finally breathed again, head low as she tried to clean the mess on her face, not really making it better since it dripped on her body even more. 

“Jeno,” she screamed when he lifted her up without a warning. 

“What? I doubt you can walk to the bed,” he joked, kissing her and lying her on the soft mattress. “You did such a great job.” 

“No-now can you fuck me?” 

He chuckled at her shyness, shaking his head as he positioned himself between her legs, fingers hooking in the band of her panties, drenched panties, to roll them down her smooth legs. 

“I promised you I would, and I always keep my promises,” he winked before his fingers slipped into her, a broken moan sticking into her throat at the unexpected intrusion. “You’re so wet, you really love sucking my cock, don’t you?” 

She started to answer but Jeno shushed her, “Don’t talk, I don’t need your words, your body is already answering me.” After a few knuckles-deep thrusts, he pulled out, cleaning his fingers on her thighs before starting to pump his cock up and down. Jeno didn’t add any more words before parting her legs more and slowly pushing in, eyes closing as he enjoyed the sensation, every time like the first time. “You always feel so good, bunny, I will never get used to you, fuck.” 

The comment made her smile, eyes rolling in the back of her head, and hips rolling up against him, it was always so much and yet never enough. It was like Jeno made her addicted to him, every time slipping under her skin a bit more, a bit deeper, just enough until there was nobody else left inside of her. 

Just like right now, his big body caging her underneath him, almost folding her in two so easily, playing with her like a chess piece. A frown on his face as he concentrated on the deep and intense strokes inside of her. 

But it was almost as if there was something different, she had no idea if the expensive room had something to do with it, or maybe it was the dinner they had before, probably the alcohol, but her body was on fire, nerves out and head already empty. 

“Jeno,” she could barely sputter out, trying hard to focus on his frame. 

“Yes, bunny, just let go,” he replied before kissing her again, hips fucking against her in a steady rhythm that was already triggering another orgasm out of her. “I want your brain empty,” he moaned. “Don’t want you to worry about anything, just — just focus on me.” His finger quickly pressed against her clit, a buzzing sensation sparkling up in her body, climax hitting before she could even do anything, leaving her gasping with eyes open at the unexpected wave of pleasure. 

Jeno didn’t stop though, he had no intention of being nice that night, he meant it when he said he wanted her brain empty. 

She could barely whine in complaint when he pulled out, swiftly turning her over, strong arms turning her around as if she was lightweight, and that only made her cunt squeeze around nothing. In a few seconds his cock was inside her again, hitting deeper and harder. 

“So pretty, bunny, so fucking pretty,” he moaned, cupping her asscheeks with rough tugs.  

“Jeno, I —”

“I told you, you don’t have to think,” he groaned. “Need to fuck you harder. Come here.” He pulled out again and lifted her up in his arms, walking around the bed. 

She wanted to ask what he wanted to do and if standing up was a smart idea but his words shut her up, he knew what he was doing, she just had to trust him. A scream rippled out of her mouth when his arms slipped behind her knees, holding them up flat against her chest while his cock slipped into her again. Her head rolled back but Jeno groaned, “Keep your head up, I want you to look at me fuck you stupid.” 

Moans and whimpers rolled out of her mouth, barely thinking he already fucked her stupid, he couldn’t do more than this. But Jeno still proved her wrong, they never tried this position before and she felt like her breath was getting caught out. It wasn’t only the position, it was the way his toned arms were flexing with the struggle of fucking her up and down on him, it was the thin layer of sweat pearling his smooth skin, it was in the way his moans and groans hit right against her ear and drove her insane. 

Jeno was everywhere, all over her, inside and outside. 

“See how pretty you are? How good your pussy’s opening up to me?” 

She shook her head, too ashamed to let her eyes meet her reflection in the mirror right where their bodies were meeting. 

“Look down, come on bunny,” he ordered, locking his fingers behind her neck and forcing her head down. 

She moaned louder, the lewd image of cum dripping down his balls and to the floor and the wet sounds caused by his deep thrusts, making her toes curl up. 

“I’m — I’m clo-close,” she whimpered, tears starting to pool at the corners of her eyes. 

Jeno wanted to tease her and tell her to hold it but he couldn’t hold it anymore, and he wanted to wear her out. So his hips started moving faster, hitting her wet spot and making her come in his arms, triggering his orgasm too. He almost fell down on the bed before he laid her down on the mattress. 

“More, please, one more,” she begged, voice hoarse and eyes shiny from tears. “Want to feel you again.” 

“My stupid bunny wants more?” Jeno cooed, fingers slipping inside her, making her shiver, pumping in and out just to tease, thumb rubbing her clit sending sparks down her body. “Want more cock? Need more cock, bunny?” 

She hummed, lips trapped in her teeth, chest heaving, and sweat rolling down her forehead. 

A grin formed on his face before he pushed inside her again, “So warm and wet, bunny. So fucking good for me.” 

A fucked out smile showed on her face but there were truly no thoughts, not coherent at least, in her brain. Too fogged by pleasure and him. 

And Jeno was getting high at the sight of her, nobody else distracting her from him. It was only them. Chants of his name the only word that came out of her plump, swollen lips, together with soft moans and cries. 

“So, pretty, you’re — fuck — you’re so, so pretty,” he groaned, pulling her closer to him, lifting her hips, hitting deeper, fingers dipping with force in the skin of her waist. “My beautiful, precious bunny.” 

The praise shouldn’t have had that effect on her and her heart but it did, because after all that time it still felt surreal that she was his, that after years of yearning she was there, in his arms, that those words and that love were for her. It wasn’t a fantasy anymore, it was their reality. 

“Jeno,” his name came out like a scream, hips rolling back, making him slip even further, causing him to growl at the sight and how much he could feel her. He was about to lose it again, his brain spinning swiftly too as he got lost in the way his cock was stretching her, slipping back and forth with quick strokes. Cum spilling out of her. “Please.” 

“Please, what? Tell me what you want. If there’s any thought left in your empty brain, bunny, tell me what you need.” 

She gasped, nails clenching around the bedding, and jaw locked while hisses rippled out. “Your — your cum, please, please, please,” she wept, tears rolling down her burning cheeks, broken sobs muffling her moans. 

Jeno’s hips started slamming faster against her ass and thighs, so fast she wondered how he didn’t leave marks on her skin. His eyes rolled back when her cunt started squeezing around him with more force, barely giving him space to pull out and fuck into her. 

“Gonna come all over my cock?” He groaned, cupping her cheek, running his hand in her wet hair, before his thumb circled her cheek, rubbing the burning hot skin. “Yeah? All empty in the brain and full in your cunt?” 

“Y-yeah, please,” her voice broke in her throat when the pleasure became unbearable, back arching forming a bow and orgasm rushing all over her body leaving no trace of sanity behind. 

The groans coming from Jeno were groggy and deep, almost animalistic, cunt incredibly tight sucking him, cock throbbing inside her while spurts of white painted her insides. “Fuck,” Jeno muttered through gritted teeth, climax dimming slowly, eyes dropping on her face, tears still rolling copiously on her cheeks and lips letting out heavy puffs of air. 

“You okay?” He asked, lips leaving wet kissing on her jaw, fingers caressing her hair while he slowly pulled out, a river of cum dripping down on the mattress. She could barely nod, eyes already shut, and a small smile on her face. Jeno grinned, kissing her lips, and pulling her close in his arms, he would’ve cleaned her later. 

“I love you so much, bunny, even more when you go dumb on me.” 

Jeno didn’t like it when she lied. And lately, it was happening too often. 

He didn’t even mind if she could feel that he was mad from the way he was looking at her, or that he seemed more distant. 

Why? 

Why was she lying? Why was she treating Jaehyun like a secret? 

“You’re home already?” He asked surprised when he heard the sound of the keys in the slot door. He knew she was home, he was staring out of the window when he saw her get out of a car that wasn’t his, and not even of their friends, and he even knew who dropped her by. 

“Yeah, finished early,” she replied, rushing to him to leave a peck on his lips. “But I didn’t want to make you run there so I came alone.” 

“Took the metro?” He asked, raising a brow, staring at her as she stretched and slumped next to him on the sofa. 

She hummed without looking at him, busy trying to grab the remote controller to turn the tv on. 

“You know I don’t like when you take the metro,” he said, trying to don’t make his voice come out like a growl. No, he didn’t like the metro, but he liked it even less if Jaehyun drove her home. And he liked it even less when she lied to him. 

“I know, but as I said, I didn’t want to bother,” she replied, leaning close to him. He glared at her, but she couldn’t see. “It was empty anyway.” 

That wasn’t the first time she lied, but it was the last straw. 

They were mostly white lies, but Jeno couldn’t understand why she felt the need to tell them. What had happened to be honest with each other? And most importantly, what did she have to hide? 

He had to act. 

“Did you hear something about crime rates being higher, lately?” She asked out of the blue, it was late during a Wednesday night but they both were still up because they couldn’t sleep. 

“Crimes?” Jeno asked, tilting his head to look at her, expecting to find her with the phone in hand, maybe asking the question after reading an article. 

“Yeah…” she replied, “Jaehyun told me that he found all the tires of his car slashed,” she sighed, thinking about what he told her that morning, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. “He was terrified, didn’t sleep all night and was still shaking when he told me what happened.” 

Jeno had to suppress the smirk that was forming on his face and replaced it with a sad pout. “Oh, that sucks.” 

Oh, that worked. 

“But no, I didn’t hear anything, if that calms you down,” he added, upper body twisting so he could look at her and caress her face. 

She hummed, smiling at him. “He was so shaken that he took a week off, and I think he went to stay for a while at a friend’s place.” 

Jeno’s face wasn’t showing the emotions that were going through his mind. But he still couldn’t get why she cared so much about him. And all that for some slashed tires? What kind of man he was? 

“Maybe some time off will be good to think,” slipped out his mouth and she quirked a brow. 

“To think?” 

“Yeah, to process it. And realize that it surely must’ve been a mistake or you know, those teenagers that have fun making trouble.” 

“Oh,” she said, only then getting what he meant. “I guess so.” 

“He’s a grown man, anyway. I’m sure he has nothing to be afraid of.” 

She hummed, moving closer to him. “But it must suck being all alone. I’m so glad I have you, I have nothing to be afraid of.” 

Jeno smiled before kissing her. 

Maybe sanity was starting to fill her brain again. 

No, bunny, you have nothing to be afraid of as long as you have me.

“How do I look?” She asked swirling around, showing off the thigh-length pink dress. 

“Beautiful, bunny. Where are you going?” 

“To the disco, the Kaleido.” 

“There?” He asked, a furrow on his face.

“Why?” 

“Oh, nothing, not a big fan of that place,” he said, showing nonchalance, sure, not happy about her night out but also too lost in the way she looked. 

“You’ll start drooling if you keep looking at me like that,” she joked, drifting her eyes away from his intense gaze. It was the look he had on his face when he wanted to fuck her and she couldn’t say no to that look. But she really wanted to go out with her friends, she couldn’t let him keep her at home. 

“You look amazing in that dress,” Jeno hummed like a melody, getting up from the couch and hugging her. “But I’d love to see it on the floor.” 

“Not now, Jeno,” she replied, trying to push him off, smiling at the pout that formed on his face. He almost looked cute as if two seconds before he didn’t look like a starving animal eager to eat her alive. 

“Let me at least kiss you then.” Their lips met in a heated kiss before she could say anything. His hands cupped her ass and lifted her up. 

“Jeno,” she moaned in the kiss, heart jumping in her chest because she loved when he held her like this and he was the only thing keeping her from falling.

“What?” The smirk on his face was smug and in his voice there were hints of arrogance.

“You know we won’t stop if you keep doing this.” 

“Fine,” he sighed, letting her feet meet the floor again, looking at her in awe. “You know what I’m thinking?” 

She scoffed, “How badly you want to fuck me?” 

Jeno rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “How lucky I am to have you.” 

“Stop,” she whined, pushing him away playfully, trying to calm her heart from beating so fast. She hated how pathetic he made her. Like a teenage girl hearing her first compliment from her crush.  

“You truly are the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

She turned around, eyes skimming the clock before going back on him that was sitting on the couch again. “Are you trying to win my heart to get to my pussy?” 

“I was just telling you how much I love you,” he pouted before making her sit on his lap. “One kiss before you go?” 

She leaned in, kissing him with the intention of pulling back soon after but it was like Jeno was drawing her in, and in a second her hands were in his hair while his caressed her back. She really should’ve pulled back but instead, her body turned to him and when her hips started grinding against his lap, the groan that rolled out of Jeno’s lips was the last straw that made her change her mind. 

“You’re not going anywhere tonight,” he moaned, lifting her up, and flipping her body against the couch. 

His hands were fast on her body, lifting the pink dress over her shoulders, leaving her half exposed to him. 

“Gonna give you a good reason to make you stay here every time, so you don’t even think about going in a dirty, shitty disco club.” 

Her head rolled back, ashamed at how hot she found him and his voice. Ashamed that she found him so attractive when he turned so protective. 

“Jeno,” she cried out when he wrapped his lips around her covered cunt, wetting the panties as he sucked her lips and pulled away with a loud pop. “White lace, wore this for who? Some average man that doesn’t know how to fuck you right?” 

She shook her head, trapping her lip in her teeth when he started to rub her clit through the underwear. “For you.” 

“For me?” He snickered, tilting his head to the side. “And you were going to leave me?” 

“When I — when I came home,” she whined, rolling her head back in reaction to his mouth wrapping around her again. His slick soaking the panties with every rough movement of his tongue and lips working in sync. 

“They were already wet,” he hummed against her, nose rubbing against her clit, sparking fire into her. “Should be glad I added to mess to hide how desperate you are.” 

“Nngh,” she blubbered, nails scratching the sofa, moving her feet messily to get rid of the heels so she could plant herself on the surface under her. 

“That’s it, just moan for me, no need to answer. You are desperate. Always have been, always will be.” Jeno’s fingers pressed against her entrance, the cold of the wet panties sticking to her skin making her shiver even more, adding to the teasing of her hole begging to be filled and sucks on her clit. 

“You — you’re messy,” she breathed out, looking down at Jeno and how wet she was down there. 

“I am messy?” He asked, chuckling, pulling away, ripping the panties off her before facing her cunt again. “This,” he collected the cum dripping out of her, “it’s not mine. But if you want I can add to your mess,” he smirked before spitting loudly on her clit. Her head rolled back, eyes squeezing shut and lips parting open. “I will give you that we are messy.”

No reply came from her when he restarted where he had stopped, eating her out loudly and intensely. Strong hands wrapped around her thighs and ass to keep her spread open and deep moans vibrating through her body making her stomach twitch. 

It wasn’t possible to hold back the pleasure, so strong it was almost painful as he kept torturing her clit with sucks and licks, riding the waves of pleasure until she was left hiccupping on moans and sobs. 

“Jeno,” she screamed out, hands pushing on his head to pull him away. Shame creeping on her body when he lifted his head and his chin was covered in her juices.

“Fuck, I — I need to warn them I won’t go,” she breathed hard, lifting her upper body up, and turning around to look for her phone. 

“Searching for this?” Jeno asked, pulling it from behind him where her small black bag laid. 

She hummed, shaky hands searching for her friends’ contact as soon as she could and she was about to do it if only Jeno didn’t slip two fingers inside her, phone falling badly on her chest as the grip on it loosened. 

“Jeno, please.” 

“Text your friends,” he ordered, pumping his fingers faster. “Tell them you can’t go because getting fucked is so much better than dancing with them all night. Tell them how badly you need me and my body.” 

The moan that rolled out of her lips was embarrassing, a natural affirmative response to his dirty insinuation. 

“I — I need to come up with — fuck — an excuse,” she cried, fingers typing out words before she cancelled them over and over again. 

“No excuses baby, tell them the truth. Tell them how desperate you are. Tell them how you started grinding on me like a bitch in heat.” 

“Fuck,” she moaned. Swiftly typing, ‘can’t come, period came before the due day, hurts like hell.’ 

“Did you tell them?” Jeno asked and she could feel the smirk on his face even if her eyes were closed. “No? You don’t want them to know? Want to keep this a secret all to ourselves?” 

“Yes,” she breathed out, hips jerking against his palm. “Need you.” 

“Oh, I know you do,” he cooed, pulling out to slap her clit sharply. “Dripped all over my hand, stained my new couch with your arousal.” 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, trying to say more before Jeno cut her flow of air, slipping into her cunt with no warning. “Jeno, fuck,” she cried out, eyes wide open, staring down where they met. 

“Didn’t you want this?” 

She nodded, trapping her lips so tight it started bleeding. “Yeah, yeah.” Her head rolled back since he immediately started with powerful fast strokes, pushing her legs flat against her chest, sliding into her deeply. 

“You’re so pretty when you look like a mess under me, bunny. No trace of that innocent girl you used to be,” his voice was deep, rumbling in her ears while he lowered to mark her neck. 

“Do-don’t…” 

“Don’t?” He snickered. “Don’t want me to mark you? Don’t want people to know you’re mine?” 

She mumbled no sense. 

“As I thought, it’s not your place to think, bunny. I got it. I know what’s best for you, fuck,” he groaned, sinking his teeth deep into her skin, ripping a scream out of her throat. “Gotta make sure nobody comes close to you, baby girl.” 

“I — I wouldn’t let them,” she whimpered, back arching when he started thrusting into her harder. 

“I know, you’re my good bunny, aren’t you? You know who you belong to. Who do you belong to?” 

“You, I — I — fuck — belong to you.” 

“Good bunny, good fucking bunny,” he groaned before he kissed her again, roughly and messily, pushing her legs up, hips slamming against her ass with loud sounds that resonated in the whole room. 

“Jeno,” she screamed, pleasure fucking her brain just as hard as he was fucking her physically. It was true she didn’t have anybody but him, her ex aside, but fuck, he was so good, he knew exactly what she wanted and needed. It wasn’t possible to resist it. 

“Wanna come? Already?” 

She moved her head swiftly, threads of moans slurring out of her lips as the knot on her stomach tightened incredibly hard. 

Jeno groaned, “Fuck, you’re so perfect taking my cock, bunny. So, so good for me. Come for me, come for me, do it,” he urged, rubbing her clit, making her body still as the orgasm hit her hard. “Fuck,” he growled, head falling in the crook of her neck. “Always so fucking tight and warm.” 

She didn’t reply, no more air in her lungs to emit a single sound but it seemed that Jeno wasn’t done at all. 

“Come here,” he ordered, pulling out and moving her so that her elbows were resting on the couch back rest. 

“What — what are you doing?” 

“Fucking you again.” 

“A-agai — fuck,” she gasped when his cock eased into her swollen cunt another time, pushing out a disgusting amount of cum and stretching her sensitive walls more. 

“I can’t let your night go to wasted with just one round, bunny.” 

She hummed, head falling limp in front of her, body trembling because it was the third round technically and she felt weak in the knees. She wanted to whimper how good it was, but she could only cry out moans and whimpers, the position too good, sending the waves of pleasure straight to her brain like electric shocks, knocking her out. 

“You love it when I fuck you like this, don’t you?” She hummed. “I know, bunny, I know. Feels so good, doesn’t it? Cock turning you into a brainless mess, you love not having anything to worry about.” 

“Yes.” 

Jeno slapped her ass. “Maybe I should fuck you here.” He spat, saliva dripping on her rim, thumb pressing against the tight hole. 

“Jeno, no,” she cried out, cracking her neck to turn toward him. 

“Don’t want that? Don’t want me to fuck your pretty ass?” 

She shook her head, pussy clenching when he kept pressing on it without pushing past the tight ring of nerves. “Feels wrong.” 

“Oh, bunny, no. You’re with me, it can’t feel wrong.” 

She wanted to articulate more but the thoughts weren’t even forming in her brain. Jeno surely wasn’t going to do it anyway, so she let it fall. But when she felt the tip of his thumb press in she turned around. “Jeno, no.” 

“Just my thumb,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss her. “Can you take just my thumb? I won’t even move it.” 

Her eyes moved around with rapid movements, shame creeping up on her just at the idea. And he smirked. “Oh, bunny, you think it’s too nasty?” 

She nodded, biting her lips, and drifting her gaze. 

“No, look at me,” he ordered, cupping her chin with his free hand. “It’s not nasty for me, nothing of you will push me away.” 

She blabbered something but it wasn’t a proper answer, more like another useless complain or vain try to make it make sense. 

“Let me take care of you.” When another loud spit sound filled the room, she closed her eyes, too ashamed to focus on what he was doing. Moans choking her when he pushed his entire thumb in, never stopping the hard thrusts of his hips. 

“Was it so — fuck — so traumatic?” 

She shook her head, finding it odd but not painful, somehow feeling his thumb press against her front and rub against his cock that was stretching her wide. 

“I told you, you have to trust me, bunny.” 

“I — I do,” she whimpered, voice almost gone. 

“Touch your clit,” he ordered, head rolling back when she immediately followed the instructions. “That’s my good girl, fuck. Rub it fast.” 

Their moans got louder, the pleasure doubling when she started touching herself, her walls clenching around him tighter, wetness dripping out with every move. 

“Fuck, so tight I can barely pull out of you,” he groaned, jaw clenched and head thrown back, some strands of black hair falling on his forehead. “So good, the best in the whole fucking world, bunny. My perfect girl.” 

The comment got to her head, fingers stopping for a second as it was getting harder to concentrate on anything, even if it brought more pleasure. 

“Please, wanna come,” she babbled, looking past her shoulder to glance at him. 

Jeno pulled out of her ass, grabbing her wrists and holding them together behind her back. 

“Want to come?” 

She nodded swiftly, drool dripping out of the corners of her lips, shamelessly rolling down her chin and dripping on her boobs. 

“Say thank you,” he groaned, pulling her hair back, pressing her flat against his broad chest. “Come on, babe, you can do it.” 

“Tha-thank you,” she cried, “thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

“Fuck,” he groaned, hips slamming against her ass with so much force to leave marks behind. Pace faltering when she clenched around him and came, tight walls squeezing so much they triggered his orgasm too, emptying himself into her with loud moans. 

“Oh, God,” she screamed, clenching her teeth and trying to let her head fall but it was impossible in his firm hold. Feeling another orgasm rip out of her. “Thank you, tha-thank you.” 

Jeno huffed, body collapsing on hers, pressing her against the backrest. “You’re welcome,” he moaned, kissing her shoulder and smirking when he saw her lidded eyes. “You’re so welcome.” 

“Another weekend where you won’t be here?” Ningning asked, positioning the phone better so her friend could see her and not the make-up she was applying. 

“Can you please hire me for this new job, too?” Yeri joked, coming into the frame, and pushing her blonde friend to the side. 

She chuckled, shaking her head at her friends’ antics. “It’s not with the job money.” 

“Your dad?” 

“Nope, not even him.” 

“Oh, God, you have a sugar daddy and you didn’t tell us?” Ningning squealed, sitting better on the bed, almost pushing Yeri on the floor. 

“Shut up, I just won’t be here,” she huffed, tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“Are we even sure we’re doing that bbq? It should rain on Sunday,” Yeri commented, watching the weather app on her phone. 

“It’s raining? I should warn Jeno —” She chuckled awkwardly, trying to quickly come up with something to fix her mistake, “he’s driving you there, right?” 

But her friends were already staring at her with an expression mixed with shock, curiosity and incredulity. 

“What are you hiding? Be honest.” 

“Nothing,” she replied, trying to fake her honest voice but they knew her, even if her hands weren’t in the frame they could bet their life she was pulling a hangnail nervously and her anxious nibbling on her lower lip was a giveaway she was lying. 

“Nothing my ass,” the blonde said, placing a closed fist on her hips and glaring at her. “What’s going on between you and your mortal enemy.” 

She licked her lips before sighing undefeated. “Promise you won’t tell my brother?” And those words were all it took for them to erupt in a loud cheer from the screen of their phones. And she couldn’t really resist their questions and soon she found herself explaining them everything — well, partially everything, she surely couldn’t talk about the bet. But she was finally free to rant about her story, too. It was thrilling, she only had one boyfriend all her life and it had been some time before Jeno, so she was never the one going around telling her love adventures. 

“So, he’s been spoiling you all this time and you didn’t tell us anything?” 

“He just takes me on those trips almost every weekend. It’s a nice getaway. He says it’s to stay away from everybody. Just us.” 

Her friends cheered again, complaining how they deserved someone that would spoil them so much too, and also still shocked because he was the last person they expected would treat her like that. “And wait, are you planning on moving in with him?” 

“He asked me to, but technically we’re a secret.” 

“Not anymore,” Yeri exclaimed, pointing between her and Ningning.  

“Well, yes, nobody else knows. And please, keep it like this.” 

“But why? Is this your choice or his?” 

She forced a smile on her face, the whole thing still made her quite said, but tried not to show it. “His, just because of Jaemin.” 

“I don’t think Jaemin would mind,” Ningning said, and Yeri nodded in agreement. 

“I don’t know, he’s so balked about this whole thing…” 

“Maybe you should talk to him. You make such a pretty couple, it’s a shame the world doesn’t get to see it.” 

And with the idea of maybe finally being free in plain daylight, she confessed to him that it slipped and her friends knew. Sure, she knew he wasn’t going to be happy about it, but she wasn’t even expecting this reaction. 

“What do you mean they know?” His tone was calm, scarily calm, the typical one that promised a storm. 

“They were asking why I was away again and one thing led to another and then I brought you up out of nowhere.” The smile on her face dropped when after looking into his eyes she saw they were dark and a furrow was almost connecting his brows.

“You’re fucking absurd.” 

“What? Why are you mad?” 

“Why am I mad?” He asked, a bitter, low, scary, chuckle rolling out of his lips. “You had one thing to do. We had a promise, we fucking swore to don’t tell this to anybody.” 

“They basically dragged it out of my mouth,” she tried to defend herself. “We were talking and you crossed my mind and it slipped.” 

“Yeah, you never do anything thinking about the consequences of it. First, you didn’t mean to dance with Haechan, then you didn’t mean to cut me off your life for a month, and you didn’t mean to always stay late at your job. You never mean it. You just fuck things up. You don’t think about me. And I have to act cool about it.” 

She stood there frozen, chest moving faster as she felt her pulse accelerating. “Why are you…” she stopped, shaking her head. “Okay, half of these things are not my fault or are not real. I fucked this up because I was thinking about you. They asked why I couldn’t be at their bbq and I said I was busy and then Yeri brought up that it was raining and I thought about telling you. It was a whisper but they heard and it’s not my fault you don’t even want to pretend we’re friends. Maybe like that I could’ve hidden it, I could’ve made them believe that your name crossed my mind, but do I have to remind you that people think we hate each other?” 

He snorted. “People think I hate you. Everybody knows you have a crush on me, so yeah, you could’ve found a way to turn this over. But I guess gossiping with your friends it’s better than thinking about our relationship.” 

“I think about our relationship. How is this damaging for us?” 

“Are you for real?” 

She groaned, clenching her fists hard, “Yeah, stop… stop doing this and just answer me.” 

“Your little friends can’t keep their noisy mouths shut, so guess who will find out?” 

She rolled her eyes, head moving back in an exasperated movement. “You grew up with him why are you so afraid of my brother? Are you hiding something? Are you once again hiding something from me?” 

“God dammit. You see, in every fight you do this. You always bring it there. I don’t want people to come between us. I don’t want people to speculate about me and you. I don’t want people that never cared for you to come between us just so they can drag you away from me.” 

“But he’s my brother how could he? He only would do it if he knew something about you that I don’t know about… and it wouldn’t be surprising.” The last words were supposed to be a whisper but nervousness made them come out like a bitter retort. 

“It wouldn’t be surprising?” Jeno asked, raising a brow. “Fine, you know what, tell your friends that just how they found out we’re together they find out we’re done.”

“What?” Her eyes snapped open on him, thinking she heard wrong, that a small thing like that couldn’t lead to this, but there wasn’t a sign of joking on his face. 

“You don’t trust me. You lie to me. Always. You… you don’t love me. Why do I have to be with you like this?” 

“I do, I never said I don’t. Jeno, please, don’t,” she almost screamed when he tried to walk past her. 

He sighed, crossing his arms on his chest and staring down at her. “Then why do you say those things? What would I hide from you? I do nothing but treat you like a fucking princess all day, protect you from all the shit that happens in your life, take you to pretty places to be together, and spoil you some more and you think I have something to hide from your brother, or you. Tell him,” he ordered, making her shake at the coldness of his tone and the tenseness of his jaw. “I said, pick the fucking phone up and call him.” 

“No — no,” she stuttered, backing away, feeling the tears clog her throat. 

“No?” He cooed, tilting his head. “Now you don’t want to? Why? You were so eager to let your brother know you’re dating me, what happened? This is a fucking revenge, isn’t it? He mocked you since he first found out you were head over heels for me and now you have to slap him with our relationship. That’s all I am to you. A vendetta.” 

“What? No, why would you… what makes you think that?” 

“The way you act makes me think that. The way you need constant validation from others because you can’t think with your brain. Once it’s your father and then it’s your friends and then it’s your brother. Why can’t you just enjoy what you live for yourself? Why do you want the whole world to know what you do or who you love? You need them to side with you, right? Were they happy? Were they cheering for you? Do you think they are truly happy for you?” 

She didn’t know what to say, dumbfounded by his attack of words and the emotions she was feeling. 

“They… they are my friends, I… I just wanted to share how good you make me feel.” 

He nodded dismissively. “Sure, they will always have your back, always stick up for you and support you, right? Until you do something they don’t like…” 

“They are not like that, they care about me, they were so happy for us —”

“Yeah, and how long will it take for that happiness to turn into jealousy? How long will it take before they will go around putting weird thoughts in your mind? Making fears and doubts creep in?” 

“They… they—” 

“They won’t ever do it, yeah, I know. You still can’t see who you surround yourself with,” he almost groaned, tugging his hair, irritated. 

“I… I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice trembling. “I will tell them it was a joke, you, you can… we could fight tomorrow if we go with them so they will believe me. I didn’t… I would’ve never imagined it could hurt you this bad or else I wouldn’t have done that…” Her eyes could barely look at him, even if his face had softened all of a sudden, and his shoulders had dropped while he started walking closer to her. She hated being a disappointment and it seemed that with every step she took she would hurt him.

“I’m not mad for me. I’m mad because I know my reputation and what people think of me, and I don’t want their biases to haunt you too. I don’t want their ignorance about my persona to make you fall out of love with me. I don’t want them to drift us away because we deserve each other. You… God, life has been so unfair to you and now that you have a good thing, I’m sure people will try to take it away from you. That’s why I’m so mad. That’s why I wanted you to keep this, us, a secret, your little secret that nobody could ruin and stain with their unwanted opinions.” 

She hummed, bringing her thumb to her lips and biting the skin while looking at the floor, trying to hide that and the tears that were filling her eyes to the brim. 

“Your friends might not do it, I give them the benefit of doubt, but everyone will know, and some other people will love to try to burst our bubble of happiness apart. And I don’t want it taken away from you. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be loved, so loved that… that your heart will explode with how much love you’re feeling. I don’t want people to hurt you.” 

She nodded, falling into his hold. It always ended like this. Her poison and her remedy. 

“I’m doing this for you, bunny,” he whispered, breath fanning against her hair, while his hands caressed her back. “Everything I do is to protect you.” 

There were many reasons why Jeno didn’t want to be public, but one of them was that since their friends knew about them, they were forced to go out together. He couldn’t use the excuse of hating having her so close and not being able to touch her, or kiss her, or even talk to her because technically they couldn’t even stand each other before they dated to convince her to stay at home. 

And so here he was, trying to make his way into a crowd of people, looking for her. She walked away from their booth to get drinks by now more than five minutes ago and he was starting to worry. 

“Where the fuck is she?” Jeno murmured to himself, gagging when someone hit him, sweaty bodies getting on his last nerve. “God, when I find her…” But there she was, at the bar counter, drinks in front of her while a man was talking to her. 

He stared at the scene, trying to calm himself before reacting badly. He couldn’t react there. And he was trying to, he really was. That was until the man’s hands lingered a little too close to her and his eyes bored holes into her, staring at her as if he wanted something more. Something that belonged to him and him only. 

“What the fuck do you want from her?” Jeno’s voice coming out in a growl made her jump, scooting over to give him space to move between her and the stranger. 

“We were just talking,” she replied, confused by his reaction. 

“Just talking? You just don’t see how men look at you, don’t you?” 

“Man, calm down.”

“Don’t give me that tone and don’t look at me like that,” Jeno warned, glaring at the stranger, fist clenching at his side. 

“Getting too heated up for a cheap slu—” he didn’t finish the remark, a punch hit him straight in his face, making him stumble backwards. 

“What the fuck!” The man screamed, touching his aching face in surprise.  

“You watch your mouth before you talk about her.” 

“Nobody wants to steal her from you,” the man replied, the arrogant grin on his face still there. 

“You seemed rather interested.” 

“Her ass is all out man, everyone would want to smash,” he mocked, and Jeno was about to punch him again but she pulled him away, blocking his wrist. 

“Let’s go home,” she whispered, a fight in public was the last thing she wanted to happen.  

“Yeah, go home to fuck her like she has been begging me to… if you can satisfy her.” 

She was about to tell him that she never said those things but Jeno slipped out of her hold before she could do anything. The mess that blew up was enough to make a crowd surround them, their friends included, and Jeno only stopped punching that man when Haechan, Jisung and Mark pulled him away. 

“Man, stop it! Come on, stop it,” Haechan shouted, trying to block him. 

“You know shit about what he said,” Jeno retorted, eyes fuming and chest panting. 

“We should go,” she intervened, shielding his body, hoping nobody there pulled out a phone and filmed a video if they both wanted to have their reputation intact. That was the last thing she needed to get on her father’s nerves more and disinherit her forever. “Jeno, come on, let’s go home,” she said, cupping his face to make him look at her and not at the man behind them. 

“Are you okay?” Ningning asked her, going for a hug, but Jeno’s arm came between them as he moved his girlfriend to the other side. 

“She’s fine, we’re going home,” he snarled, giving a quick glance at the others.

“You won’t even tell us what happened?” Haechan asked, shocked by the way he was behaving. Jeno never backed down from troubles but get into a fight? And for his girlfriend? Haechan had flirted with some of them straight to his face and Jeno never blinked an eye, so what the hell was going on there? 

“It’s none of your business.” And with that, they walked out of there under their friends’ shocked gazes. She could barely follow his hurried steps while she looked back and murmured apologies to her friends. 

The ride back home was silent, music blasted to shut down their thoughts. And she felt grateful for that because she couldn’t hide how scared she was at the moment. Jeno never acted like that, the punches that crashed against that man’s face were hard and full of strength and she wondered what else would’ve caused that reaction in him. 

He didn’t believe what that man told him, right? He wasn’t mad at her, too? She wasn’t sure and she was too terrified to even ask one of the thousands of questions that were tormenting her. Jeno probably had his own version of the story and would’ve never listened to hers, probably he would’ve even blamed her because at the start he had proposed to get the drinks while she waited with the girls, but no, she had to insist and now here they were. 

When the car stopped, she gulped hardly before making her way out, the slam of the driver’s door, causing her to jump in her place. Jeno didn’t even spare her a glance as he walked to the porch, broad shoulders lifted up and head low, jaw tense enough it could cut like a knife. 

She tried to don’t cry, at least to don’t sob like a child, but it was hard when the front door closed behind them and he still didn’t say a word. 

“You — you’re bleeding.” Her voice was shaking, broken by silent tears that were all clogged up in her throat. 

“I’m fine,” Jeno replied while sitting on the couch with his head low. 

So that was it? Acting as if nothing happened? 

“I didn’t tell him those things, I was trying to go back to you when he kept talking to me.” She couldn’t go to sleep with no closure, she couldn’t sleep with him by her side if she didn’t feel safe knowing he wasn’t mad at her. 

The sound that came out of his lips startled her, a laugh? A bitter sigh? She couldn’t describe it, but she couldn’t even get it because there was no reason for anything other than ‘I know, I’m not mad at you,’ to come out of his mouth. 

“If it’s not him, it’s somebody else…” Jeno whispered, head still low, lips pulled in a tight, bitter smirk that she couldn’t see — luckily she couldn’t see, or else it would’ve scared her even more. 

“Who are you talking about? I spent the entire night with you. I thought we were having fun until that happened.” 

When Jeno got up, she took a step back, heart jumping in her throat but he didn’t walk toward her, he didn’t even answer as he made his way to their bedroom. 

She took a deep breath and ran after him. Yeah, ran. Like always. Running after him like they were on a wheel, running until her feet hurt and the pain was unbearable. 

“Jeno?” 

“Leave me alone.” 

“I can’t leave you alone, I didn’t do anything, it’s not fair that we go to bed angry because of a stranger.” 

“It wouldn’t have happened if you listened to me and stayed home,” he remarked while he unbuttoned his shirt, bleeding knuckles staining the white texture. She shivered at how it seemed that he wasn’t feeling any type of pain, before her brain turned its attention to his words. 

“You’re blaming me?” Her brow quirked, and her lips twitched in a confused grin. 

“Who’s the one that always wants to go out with them? Who’s the one that hates spending some fucking time with me alone? Who’s the one that never listens to the other? I told you to stay with your dear friends and let me handle the drinks, but you had to go there, alone. Wearing that skimpy dress that had already attracted too much unwanted attention on you. But you don’t notice, you never notice anything of what goes around you. Too busy dancing and swinging your hips because you have me to protect you and you know it, but then I do, I protect you, and I am the bad guy.” 

Her brain tried to follow him, but he was saying so many things, accusing her, attacking her, defending her, loving her that she didn’t even know what to say or how to feel. 

“We — we were together, I thought you enjoyed it as long as we were together,” she mumbled the only things her brain could come up with, the only things that seemed to make sense.  

“I hate those things.” 

She blinked. He had spent his high school and college years throwing parties, how could he hate them now? But she had no time to dwell over that because his words were falling on her like a rain of arrows, attacking from any side, leaving her too astonished to actually react. 

“But you wouldn’t know. You’re too busy paying attention to your friends that barely know you. They don’t even care about you. Have you seen how they were looking at me because I defended you? They hate you. They don’t think you’re deserving of love and protection. If he said the same things to their faces they would’ve laughed and maybe even encouraged you to leave with him.” 

“Ningning would never, she was worried about me.” 

“She always drags you into these problems first, don’t you see? She convinced you to go to Hyuck’s party and didn’t pay attention to you. She makes you buy all these dresses that bring trouble. She started talking to you seriously again just so she could arrive at Haechan.” 

She stared at him, tears falling down her cheeks silently. “That’s not true. She was in China, of course, she didn’t talk to me just as much.” 

“Good, also licking her ass because licking your father’s not enough.” 

“Leave them out of this,” she tried to fight back, but all the rational thoughts had seemed to slip out of her mind. “And I’m free to dress however I want. If they look at me, they are the disgusting pervs, you can’t get mad at me.” 

“Good, next time I’ll let him touch you, call you a slut, and why not, maybe even fuck you in the middle of the club so you’re happy about it.” 

“I never said any of those things,” she cried, fingers dangling in her hair, feeling at her limit. “Can we please talk?” 

“We are talking, you don’t want to listen to the truth,” he hissed, walking past her to go out but she stopped him. 

“You’re still bleeding.” 

“As if you care about me.” 

She stared at his back in disbelief. How did a night out turn into this? 

“I love you,” she screamed, opening the bathroom door he had closed himself into. 

“Then prove it to me. You almost left me for a month, then you only focused on your job and your new little friend, and now you always spend time with our group of friends. Where am I in your life? Do I even matter anymore?” 

“I can care about you and other people at the same time, it’s not, it’s not like one thing excludes the other, please. Be fucking serious.” She got mad. Voice louder and tone firmer as she gained back some confidence. 

“See, you’re doing this again.” 

“No,” she retorted firmly. “You are doing this. You are the fucking problem. Punching a man in public knowing our families’ reputations could go in shambles, treating our worried friends like shit because you think you have some kind of control over me and then coming to our home and treating me like shit because my life doesn’t revolve exclusively around you. You are insane. Fucking sick in the head.” 

She was done. Head exploding and heart racing for the adrenaline and also for the fear that rushed down her spine when she met Jeno’s eyes. Black. Empty. Before they got back to normal. But she had no time to stay there and watch him going through his usual thousands of different changes.

Rushing back to the bedroom she grabbed her tote bag, opening the closet to put in some clothes for the night, and her phone. 

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Jeno groaned, reaching her at the front door with big steps. 

“To Ningning’s, because she cares about me unlike you!” 

When his hand wrapped around her wrist and with a swift movement he pulled her body from the door she gulped, shaking as she watched him lock the door before facing her again. 

“You’re not going anywhere,” he said. “And don’t even think that I don’t care about you! Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you are the problem. You never really forgave me about that stupid ass bet so you lead us here. Fighting because you don’t trust me. Screaming because my love is not enough. It will never be enough for you. Tell me what should I do. Tell me what the fuck should I do to show you how much I love you? Do you want me to go to the end of the world for you? Do you want me to climb the highest mountains? Do you want me to kill for you?” 

Her breath got stuck in her throat when Jeno broke down crying, body slumping on the floor, knees cushioning the hit and head low as sobs resonated loudly through his ribcage. 

She let her bag fall to the floor before her body did the same, kneeling in front of him to caress his wet face and meet his broken eyes. 

Jeno had never cried. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, letting their forehead touch and pulling him closer. “I didn’t mean it, I was angry, I wasn’t in me. I would never think that your love is not enough, Jeno. I swear I forgave you, I trust you so much but… but all this screaming and crying and the way…” The way he talked to her. The way he twisted her words and used them against her, words that most of the time she didn’t even say. The way she never knew what to expect from him. All of that and so much more, fucked her up, but she didn’t say it. It was just a dumb fight, they were both tired and it happened. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not listening to you when you worry about me. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I don’t love you enough. I do… I love you so much,” but I also love my friends, “I promise I’ll try to make up more time for you.” 

Jeno hummed, falling apart in her hold, letting her warmth embrace him as tears wet her clothes and the blood still rolled down his hands. 

“Let’s take a warm shower and heal those wounds,” she proposed, lifting his face, wiping away his tears, finding comfort in the way his eyes got back to normal, still sad, but there was no craziness behind them. 

So water was running over their bodies, warming them up and washing away the tiredness and the adrenaline. Her hands combed his hair, massaging them gently before she started cleaning his body too. 

“Is this scar new?” She asked when she reached his back and saw a scar she never saw before, it was a weird place, between his hip and thigh and it wasn’t too big but it looked like it had been sewed badly. 

Jeno shivered when her hands ran there. “It was an accident.” 

“An accident?” She asked, raising a brow, trying to read his expression. 

Jeno only hummed. “I’m fine, I don’t want to talk about it now.” 

“Yeah, it’s okay,” she replied and then finished in silence, but her brain still wondered there, it was an odd place to have a scar, especially if it was given by accident. What could’ve happened? 

But she was too tired to let herself get dragged in that, so after getting out of the shower and dressing up again, she prepared the first aid kit to heal his wounds. 

Jeno stared at her silently, following her fingers delicately moving on his knuckles, disinfecting the skin, cleaning the area, and then applying the band-aids with light pressure so it wouldn’t hurt. 

“You also have some cuts on your face,” she pointed out, facing him, smiling when she saw how he was staring at her. “What?” 

“Nothing,” he replied, voice still broken, coming out barely louder than a whisper. “I love you.” 

She couldn’t hide the smile that spread her lips, and her eyes briefly looked down where his now banded hands were caressing her waist. “Stop it, I have to fix these cuts on your cheeks.” 

“I’m not doing anything,” he smiled, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. “Just thinking how lucky I am to have you.” 

“Then don’t scare me away,” she replied lightheartedly, leaning in to kiss him after she placed the bandaid on his cheekbone. She pulled away but Jeno’s lips were on hers again, and his hands moved on her back, pressing her against him. 

“I won’t,” he whispered. “I love you so much it drives me crazy. I never felt something this strong, I never imagined I could feel something like this.” 

Her head rolled back when his lips started kissing her neck and his hips ground up against hers, the top of her pj’s falling on the floor soon after, leaving her chest exposed. 

“I’d hide you away from everything if I was sure that could never make you go through any kind of pain,” he whispered before his lips closed around her hard nipples, looking up at her teary eyes that were already staring at him.

“Then — don’t stop, don’t stop showing me what you feel for me.”

“There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do to prove how much I love you.” 

“Is your sister alive?” Ningning asked Jaemin when she finally got him alone for a moment, they were hanging out like usual on Friday at their favorite place but even this time she passed. 

Jaemin raised a brow, “I guess, aren’t you her best friend?”

The blonde shook her head, wetting her lips before talking, “I am, technically, but lately she’s... it’s like she’s disappeared.”

“Disappeared?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, “she almost never answers my texts, as you can see, she never hangs out with us anymore. I mean, I know she’s happy with Jeno but... she never struck me as the type that stops hanging out with her friends when she starts dating. I know her last relationship sucked and this one is like a fairytale but to me it’s odd.”

Jaemin hummed, well, she was his sister, but he never paid much attention to know if this was true. On the other hand, Jeno was truly a dream come true to her, he wasn’t surprised if after years of drooling over him, now that she finally got him, she was so hyped that she locked herself into their golden castle, or whatever their story seemed to be. But he knew Jeno and if he didn’t find it weird for his sister to be so in love, he found it weird how Jeno was so defensive of her. He never cared. 

“Are you worried?”

Ningning took a deep breath, rubbing her temples and then meeting his eyes, “A bit, probably I’m just seeing things because I miss her but I don’t want her to isolate herself.”

Jaemin hummed, “I think she’s just very happy she can finally have him, you know how obsessed she had always been with him.”

“I don’t know... Jeno is acting weird, I’m happy for them, I swear I am, but it’s hard to believe that’s him. We all know about his past.”

Jaemin let out a loud huff, yes, he knew it better than anybody else, and Jeno was never the romantic type. 

“I can dig deeper into this if it makes you feel better,” he proposed, not really knowing why, but maybe just one talk and a beer with Jeno would've cleared their doubts. 

“I’d appreciate, I feel like I can’t reach her lately and I’m worried sick.”

“Flowers?” She asked when she saw Jeno lean against his car, waiting outside of the building where she worked. She couldn’t hide the smile on her face or the way her heart was beating. Lately, he was spoiling her with little things every day, but it still brightened up her day. 

“I saw them and thought of you,” Jeno replied, handing her the bouquet and opening the car door. “Get in,” his voice came out almost harsh but then turned sweet again, “so we can get home faster, you must be tired, right?” 

She nodded, smiling harder, thinking that he was being so sweet, not even seeing that Jaehyun was passing right behind them and was trying to greet her goodbye. She didn’t even look outside, too busy studying the pretty flowers and the scent she loved so much, noticing how prettily they were wrapped in the pink paper. 

“These are my favorites.” 

“I know,” he replied without realizing it. 

“You know?” She raised a brow, staring at him with a perplexed expression, but he was turned toward the window, focused on the street. 

“Yeah,” he coughed, “you told me.” 

She furrowed, trying to remember when, but then shrugged, she might’ve done it during one of her rants about anything and everything.  

“How was your day?” He asked, changing the topic.

“Good, me and Jae are working on a new project together, it’s tiring but exciting.” 

Jeno had to suppress a grunt. He hated the way his name, worse, his nickname, rolled on her tongue. He hated even more that she always found a way to slip him into conversations. This was about her day, not him. And he couldn’t even get what he had so special. He was bland and boring. A quick glance at his social confirmed everything he had to know about his personality after the few times he, unfortunately, had the chance to talk to him. 

“I’m sure you’ll relax at home,” he replied, forcing a smile to form on his face. “I was thinking you should seriously move in with me. Now that everybody knows, you can take all your things and set them in my place. And then we can go and buy new things for the house so it will be truly ours.” 

“Are the flowers to ask me to move in?” She giggled, still smelling their scent.

Jeno chuckled, “I popped the question months ago, bunny.” 

“Yeah, but… it’s such a big step.” It was and she wasn’t sure she wanted to make it, sure, she loved sharing a place with him but what if things didn’t work out? Her father surely wouldn’t have wanted her back, she wouldn’t have had a place to go in case of an emergency.

“Where are you always? Where am I driving to?” 

“Fine,” she gave up, rolling her eyes and huffing out a chuckle 

“When was the last time you stayed at your place?” 

“I had to go back there a few weeks ago, remember? My mom misses me.” 

“She sure does,” he replied sarcastically. 

“Hey! She’s not like my father.” 

Jeno looked at her, raising a brow. “Are you sure about it? Or maybe she pretends she cares about you just so she can control you? She never truly stood up for you, she only cares about the company’s reputation.” 

She opened her mouth to answer but shut it after, she didn’t know how to retort it, or if she could do it. 

“See,” he whispered before bringing the attention back on the road. 

“My parents don’t know about you, though.” 

“You wanted to tell everybody about me but not them? I know them already, you don’t even have to introduce us.” 

“No, but yeah, well, fuck,” she stuttered, throwing her head back. Already feeling the headache, stomachache, and tears caused by a dinner together. “I don’t want to hear my father’s remarks about me.” 

“About you?” 

“Yeah, he will joke and tell you to find something better, you have no idea of the humiliation he put me through when he met my first boyfriend. Why do you think he ran away? My father’s words about me were bigger than any kind of affection he felt.” 

“But that’s not me, my love for you won’t disappear because of your father’s jokes.” 

She sighed, looking out of the window and humming lowly. “Is dinner ready at home?” 

Jeno raised a brow, why was she changing the topic? Didn’t she believe in it?What more he had to do to prove to her that nothing and nobody would’ve changed what he felt for her? 

“There’s a surprise for you.” 

“It’s not my birthday.” 

“I know, bunny. I remember clearly all the important days, trust me. Just wanted to spoil you.” 

“Can you drop me by Jaemin?” She asked, finishing applying the lipstick and ruffling her hair to fix them in place, it was a mess anyway. 

“Your brother?” Jeno asked, coming out of the kitchen, and studying the way she was dressed. 

“Do you know another Jaemin?” She joked, turning around, smiling at him. 

Jeno shook his head. “No, it’s just odd. Do you need something?” 

“He texted me to come over, I don’t know what he wants. Probably something that has to do with dad,” she explained, but the truth was that she didn’t like the tone of the message. If everything was going well since they were public, there was a problem.

Her brother. 

Jaemin had been quite, scarily silent, if she had to be honest. Well, from what she knew. She didn’t dare to bring the topic up with Jeno, scared of whatever answer he was going to give her. 

The idea of Jaemin not even approaching Jeno to ask him to treat her right broke her heart. She didn’t want him to be jealous or overprotective, there was no reason to be anyway, but she still wanted to know that Jaemin cared she was being treated well. 

On the other hand, finding out that maybe Jaemin had snapped and they fought because of her would’ve saddened her more. She didn’t want to be the reason to come between them. 

“I can’t drop you by,” he said, “I have a meeting to be at.” 

“Oh, it’s fine. I’ll take my car.” 

“You should buy another one.”  

She rolled her eyes, “We’ve already talked, I can’t afford it.” 

“It will get you killed one day.” 

She chuckled, “You won’t get rid of me so easily. Bye, see you later.” 

Her old car in terrible condition didn’t get her killed but she kind of hoped it would’ve now that she was listening to what Jaemin had to tell her. 

“You don’t know him!” 

“I don’t know him?” Jaemin scoffed, throwing his hands up in the air. “I grew up with him, I probably know him more than I know you.” Saying that Jaemin was worried was an understatement. He had never seen Jeno act like this, but he didn’t like it. He trusted Jeno, well more or less. He trusted him when it came to himself, but he was the last person he wanted to see her sister with. He couldn’t call himself a protective brother, and probably it wasn’t his place to be worried after the way he acted for ages with her, but he didn’t like this relationship at all. And the conversation he had with Ningning was the last thing he needed to disapprove of it. 

“That’s exactly why you should leave me alone. You don’t know me. How — how can you call me up after ignoring me basically since — since forever to tell me he’s not right for me?” 

“Because he’s not. You’re more than opposite of each other, there’s… there’s no way you two can work.” 

She laughed bitterly, running a hand in her hair and pulling tightly. “We are working out.” 

“God,” he groaned. “You will always be the dumb, hopeless romantic girl that can’t see through rose-colored glasses.” 

“What are you even implying?” 

“Someone like Jeno can’t be with someone like you. He never paid you attention, what happened all of a sudden?” 

She gulped, licking her dried lower lip, and feeling a stab in the back. The bet always running in her brain like a thief ready to steal her happiness at any given moment. But Jeno loved. Jeno had truly fallen for her, it didn’t matter how it happened. They were happy, no matter how different they were. 

“He’s a player,” Jaemin sighed. “He never loved in his life and nobody ever loved him back.” 

She sniffled. “He’s… he’s not a monster. He loves me, and I love him. You can’t judge him for his past.” 

“He can’t love,” her brother snapped, pulling his hair. “And the way he acts around you scares me.” 

She chuckled bitterly, “Now you’re stepping over some lines.” 

“I’m protecting you.” 

She snorted, eyes wide in utter disbelief. “Protecting me? Where were you when I truly needed that? When your friends were laughing at me? When I was the butt of the joke? When they would bully me in the school corridors and you would pass right beside me as if nothing was happening?” 

Jaemin didn’t reply, he should’ve expected she was going to bring that up. And she was right, he was a piece of shit for that, but this was different. He had a terrible feeling in his guts. 

“You never cared about me. Not you, not our parents, nobody. I’ve always been on my own and now you want to teach me some lessons.” 

Jaemin kept quiet, only staring at her while he rubbed his temples. 

“You never cared about me, so why do it now? Why? You don’t want to protect me, you hate seeing me happy.” 

“You’re not happy, he’s tearing you apart,” he retorted. 

“I’m not slapping you and I don’t even know why.” 

“You are always together. You barely even answer your friends’ texts, he… Ningning told me he brings you somewhere every weekend. And he punched a man in a public space risking his reputation for you.”  

She started shaking, that was love. Why was it so wrong that he loved her? 

“He loves me.” 

“Everything he touches turns into ashes; he doesn’t know how to love.”

“What a shame he loves me so much, and he proves it to me every day. I deserve to be happy and he makes me happy, I won’t let you take that away from me,” she huffed, rushing to the door. “And next time, I only want to see you if we’re forced in the same room by our parents.” 

Jaehyun didn’t like Jeno. He didn’t like the way his hand wrapped around her waist so tight he suspected she had marks on her skin. He didn’t like the way words rolled out of his mouth, almost as if he was casting a spell on someone, her. He didn’t like the way Jeno looked at him, as if he was silently daring him, hating him. He didn’t even like how most of the days he was waiting outside, not even letting her have the time to say bye or chat some more after an entire day at work. 

“He’s late, there’s traffic or something,” she huffed, leaning against the wall next to him, shielding her body from the rain under his umbrella. 

“I can drop you home if you want to,” Jaehyun proposed. 

“No, he’ll get mad,” she said, chuckling but her smile dropped when she saw Jaehyun’s quirked brows. “He’s keen to come pick me up, it’s a pamper.” 

But even those words didn’t change the expression on his face. 

“Leaving you out under the rain is a pamper?” 

“He thinks I have an umbrella,” she replied. “But if you need to go I can always ask Johnny if I can get back in —”

“No,” he stopped her. “That’s not the point. I don’t mind waiting here with you. I just… nevermind.” He shrugged, looking at the raindrops splash on the asphalt in front of them. 

“No, what? It never happened before.” 

“It’s not that either. I was about to make an unrequested comment about your relationship so I kept it to myself.” 

“Oh,” she gasped. “Wait, am I the annoying person that talks about her boyfriend too much? I didn’t think I did it so often, I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s not about you either,” he stopped, smiling tenderly at her reaction. Jaehyun found it endearing how she was always so considerate of everyone around her.  

“Hey! Don’t make fun of me,” she joked, faking a pout and nudging him with her shoulder. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he apologized still grinning. 

“But… what is that about?” After what her brother told her she couldn’t help but panic when people told her how they perceived her relationship with Jeno, but she still wanted to know if it was the same opinion. 

Jaehyun sighed, holding his purse tighter. “It’s not a nice opinion, I don’t think you want to hear it. It probably only comes from my petty, single ass,” he joked but no, it wasn’t because he was single, and petty and hated that she was taken. Jeno gave him weird vibes and he was never wrong about it. 

“You’re lying.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Yes, you are. You’re not making eye contact with me, you do that when you’re bullshitting people around.” 

Jaehyun laughed, shaking his head. “Fine, I am, but I still think you don’t want to hear it.” 

“Is it that bad?” 

Jaehyun thought about it. If he was in a relationship he would’ve wanted somebody to open his eyes, but then he realized that wasn’t his place. He barely knew him, he barely knew them together, that was just a big accusation, no matter how real he believed it was. 

“I don’t like him,” he blurted out in an honest confession. 

“That’s it?” She asked, raising a brow. 

“No, but it’s the only thing I can tell you.” 

“What if I wanted to know everything?” 

He sighed. “Fine. He seems… a little… possessive over you. He gave me those vibes the few times he stopped by but also… also from the things you tell me. It’s like he wants to control you, always.” 

Her heart stopped for a moment. That couldn’t be true. Her brother was jealous because he hated seeing her happy and had to screw it somehow. But Jaehyun? Sure, Jaehyun liked her, at least in the past for sure, and maybe he was just mad that he couldn’t get to her so he had to hate on Jeno for no reason at all. 

It had to be that. 

“He cares about me a lot. We’re perfectly fine,” she replied, forcing a smile on her face before turning around, wanting Jeno to come pick her up as soon as possible. 

“Sure…” Jaehyun’s answer got on her nerves but she didn’t reply. 

“You know, maybe you should go. It’s Friday night, I’m sure you have things to do,” she said, moving away from him. 

“You’ll get wet.” 

“I’ll wait under that balcony there,” she reassured him before walking away, not looking back at him, missing the pity written on his face before he turned around and started walking to his car. 

But being alone didn’t help her mind don’t obsess over his and Jaemin’s words. Not even when Jeno finally arrived after more than ten minutes and they were driving home, the silence in the vehicle weighing on her chest. 

Jeno glanced over, eyes moving quickly from the road to her. “You’re off, what happened?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Don’t lie to me,” he said, voice firm even if there was a faint hint of apprehension under it.  

She sighed lowly, battling with herself whether to let it all out or not. “I talked with Jaehyun about something…” 

He raised a brow, fist clenching around the wheel as soon as he heard that name. “About what?” 

“Us.” 

“You talked to him about us?”  

She hummed, looking down, tapping her shoes nervously and playing with the seam of her jeans. “Do you… do you think we’re toxic?” 

“What?” 

“I don’t know, Jaemin told me the same thing, kinda, maybe we are… we are too close to each other.” 

Jeno clenched the wheel tighter, the same anger rising in his blood, his eyes shifting for a second before he forced himself to think straight again. 

“Or maybe people hate seeing others happy.” 

“I don’t know…” 

But trying to keep calm wasn’t easy if she acted like that, how could she let others get inside her head, and heart, so easily? “What did he tell you exactly?” 

“Nothing, just that… you’re… well, you are…” 

“I am?” He urged, losing his patience, finger tapping nervously on the gear. 

“You are…” Obsessed. Possessive. Crazy. Controlling. “…caring.” 

“Caring?” He raised a brow, studying her face, but she was avoiding him, too busy playing with a loose string of her denim pants. 

“Yeah, he thinks you care too much.” 

“He knows shit about me and us. Why don’t you tell him to mind his business, uh? I know how to treat my girl right.” 

“Yeah, I think that too,” she whispered, gulping before turning around to look at the window. 

Jeno cursed internally, knuckles white around the wheel and eyes blank. 

Jaehyun was becoming a problem Jeno didn’t put in his plan. And he was crossing too many lines. 

Jeno had to do something about it. 

She tried to stop thinking about what her brother and Jaehyun told her, just like she tried to ignore the words of her friends, whining about how little time she was spending with them. But her brain always went back there. 

Every single thing that Jeno did, felt amplified. Maybe Jaehyun was right. He did care too much. 

Maybe what she always thought to be love was an obsession. But where the hell did it come from? It didn’t make a lot of sense considering how their story started and how he never acted like this with other girlfriends. She didn’t know much about his past stories, but she knew enough to know that Jeno never cared that much about someone. He never acted like this with anybody else. And if at the start it seemed like a fairytale, she started to suspect it wasn’t. 

She shouldn’t have felt like a thief in her own house but that was what she felt as she tried to look for more clues around the place. But she couldn’t find anything. There was nothing suspicious, nothing that could add to her theory of him being obsessed with her. 

Yet, the sensation couldn’t seem to fade away and she was sure Jeno got that there was something wrong with her. 

She was acting different, almost as if she was pushing him away, but it wasn’t her fault. The more he did, the more it seemed like he was proving her doubts right. 

And even when she went back in the timeline she remembered she felt the same. Jeno had always been caring. Even when it was all a bet, even when they were hidden from the world. It also was never an option, he insisted on picking her up from work, and accompanying her when she went out with her friends, or at medical appointments. He hid behind ‘safety reasons,’ but she wondered if it was truly only that. 

Maybe he didn’t trust her? But why?

“I have an amazing night planned for us,” Jeno cheered, entering their bedroom, wrapping a hand around her waist as she stood in front of the mirror. “I’m taking you out, then I’ll take you to another beautiful place to drink special cocktails and then we’ll come back here and you’ll see what else I have planned for you.” 

She smiled, caressing his hair back. “I’d love to, but did you forget I had a dinner tonight?” 

“A dinner?” 

“Yeah, with my coworkers, I told you. A party that the boss organized since we’re doing so well.”

Jeno knew it but he thought she didn’t want to go. 

“I thought you didn’t want to go?” 

She snorted, trying to mask the same sensation that was assaulting her in the last days, “I never said that.” 

Jeno gulped, watching as she pulled away from his hold to finish getting ready. Long burgundy dress around her body, legs covered by thin thigh-high tights, high heels, and her furred jacket on the chair. Surely too dress up for a simple company dinner. 

“It’s going to be so boring.” 

She shook her head. “No, I’m surrounded by nice people, I’m sure I’m going to have fun,” she said, turning around and smiling at him. “It will be just a dinner and then I’ll come back home.” 

“Do you need a ride?” 

“No, I can take the car by myself.” 

“I can —”

“Jeno, I can drive,” she stopped him, walking out of the bedroom to reach the front door and pick up the keys of the house and the car.  

“Why do you don’t want to —”

“Bye,” she cut him off, kissing him. “Gotta go. Love you.” 

“Yeah, bye. Love you, too,” he slurred, heart clenching in anger because she never refused a ride.  

Jeno didn’t want to follow her. He truly didn’t. He was trying hard to suppress that urge, walking back and forth in the living room, clenching his fists so tight that blood wasn’t flowing there anymore. But he couldn’t help but think about her. It wasn’t even that he didn’t trust her, or that there were other people, it was the fact that there was Jaehyun there too and Jeno was sure he was going to be all over her all night, probably telling some other bullshits about him and their relationship. 

But it wasn’t like he could anything about it, right? He couldn’t get to the restaurant, he couldn’t even be outside. She kept her promises, she would’ve come home straight away and he had nothing to worry about. 

But he had a lot to worry about. 

And when his eyes fell on a crumbled piece of paper with the address on, he took it as a sign of destiny. He couldn’t stay at home. 

When his car pulled in front of the restaurant, he spotted her car parked close to the entry. He couldn’t see inside, he didn’t even want to risk walking on the sidewalk to spy in, the place too elegant to go unnoticed of suspect movements. 

So he waited, and waited, hours passing by slowly. And just when he was about to lose hope, he saw the door open and a crowd of people come out of there. 

And there she was, it was impossible not to notice her, she looked so beautiful, and Jeno smiled at the sight, until he saw that Jaehyun’s hand was placed behind her back and that she was way too close to him. 

“What the fuck are they doing?” He groaned, squeezing his eyes to see better, hoping he was insane and just seeing things, but Jaehyun’s hand didn’t move, worst, it moved lower, and wrapped around her waist. 

“Why aren’t you moving him away? Why would you let him touch you like that?” 

What he couldn’t stand were the laughers, and the continuous talk, why couldn’t the night just be over? Why couldn’t she come home? 

“Finally,” he whispered, slumping in the backseat when the group parted in two and she started walking to her car. But he couldn’t relax for long, his heart started racing when Jaehyun sat on the passenger seat of her car. What was going on?

He hit the honk when he accidentally punched the wheel, he couldn’t see what they were doing, he couldn’t even get why it was taking them so long to start the car. 

‘sorry I’ll be home later. don’t wait for me.’

When the text popped on his screen he wanted to get out of the car, drag Jaehyun out of there and punch him until he was covered in blood, but he couldn’t. So he tried to rationalise the insane thoughts that were filling his brain like loud voices screaming to him his worst intentions. Maybe she had to drop him home, that’s why it would take more, but why couldn’t she just tell him? Why did she have to lie and be so close to him? 

Her car started, sprinting past his, and he started to follow behind them, hoping to go unnoticed. There were some cars around, so he could blend in with the others well without losing them in the late-night traffic. 

He was trying to calm down but when she didn’t drive toward his place his anger started to get harder to suppress. 

“Why are they driving to the Han river?” 

When they parked and walked away, Jeno didn’t know what to do. Following them on foot was going to be much more dangerous but he couldn’t let her go like this. He was terrified something too big was going to happen. 

He was losing count of the time passing as he watched them sit on a bench while eating ice cream and laughing and talking. Jaehyun couldn’t be that funny, could he? Why couldn’t she see the way he was looking at her? Why didn’t that make her uncomfortable? 

‘are you still up?’

Jeno raised a brow when his screen lit up, why would she text him that? But he ignored it, focusing on the view in front of him. A view that was irritating him more and more as time passed. Jaehyun was too close, and she wasn’t stopping him, letting their bodies touch in a way Jeno didn’t like. 

His hand clenched when the other man leaned closer and tried to kiss her, and the only thing that made him feel better was that she pulled away. Jeno could barely make out some faint apologies coming from Jaehyun from the tree he was hiding behind, but that still wasn’t enough. 

Jeno was going to make him pay for that. 

“You?” 

She rolled her eyes, pushing her brother to the side and making her way into his place. 

“Excuse me? What if I don’t want you here? Do I have to remind you of the fight of the other day?” Jaemin asked, still closing the door behind and following her on the couch. 

“It was a month ago…” she whispered, looking down at the floor. 

“And?” 

She raised her gaze to him. “I need to talk to you about Jeno.” 

“Did he hurt you?” Jaemin panicked, reaching for her. 

“Would he?” 

Jaemin stopped in his tracks, “I don’t think so, but you don’t seem happy so you are either mad at him or me.” 

She shook her head, sighing. “I know we’re not winning any best siblings award, but I still trust you and I know you think I’m dumb, and maybe I am but… I need your help.” 

“For?” Jaemin could see her legs bounce nervously, and he knew this was worst than he could even imagine. 

“I feel like I don’t know Jeno at all. And I’m not sure I’m going to like who he really is,” she confessed. 

“Why? Who do you think he is?” He wanted to answer that ‘yes, congratulations! You discovered the obvious. He is not who you think he is,’ but he needed to know what kind of doubts she had. 

She gulped, words crossing her mind, but she was terrified of saying them out loud, once Jaemin knew of her doubts, of all the fears and suspects, her and Jeno were over, and she wasn’t sure she wanted that. And precise as a clock a text grabbed her attention. 

‘There’s the fair back in town, are you free tomorrow?’ 

She blinked a tear away and then looked at her brother. “I just… I feel like he can’t open up with me, and I wondered if he was the same with you, or if I’m the problem.” 

Jaemin raised a brow, staying silent for too long, feeling that wasn’t what she wanted to talk about. 

“Did he text you?” 

She nodded. “We’re going to the fair tomorrow. Where it all started.” 

“Are you sure this is a good thing?” 

“What?” 

Jaemin sighed, sifting uncomfortably in his place. “You and him. I still don’t get how you ended up together, I know you took it as an attack and I… I also get that I should be the last person to worry about you but you two have nothing in common. How does it work?” 

She bit her lip, avoiding his gaze. It worked, somehow, in her fantasy, in her delusion. It worked because she kept falling for his fool’s gold because at the end, maybe, everybody was right, she was dumb and madly in love, and that is never a good combo. 

Jaemin took a deep breath, reaching for her hand, making her look at him in surprise. He was never physical with her, avoided her like plague so much she couldn’t even remember the last time her brother touched her. 

“Are you running after a teenage dream?” 

“Why do you always have to think that I’m the stupid girl madly in love with him?” Because you are, she replied instead. Because you will always be. 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt. You loved him for so long without truly knowing him I fear you fell for an idea in your brain.” 

She pulled away and stood up. “I know him. We’ve been together for almost a year that is not the problem. I’m not the dumb one. Things are fine, they are — they are great it’s just…” I’m afraid. “I don’t want this to break, I don’t want this spell to end because I’m fine with him. We’re good. We…” She sighed, maybe Jaemin was the last person she should’ve spoken to. Maybe she should’ve talked to Jeno directly. 

“I have to go now.” 

“Wait,” Jaemin stopped her. “I can tell you what you need to know about him.” 

“Trust me, you can’t.” 

“Were you at home the other day?” After beating around the bush, she finally found the courage to talk to Jeno. The sound of the food frying in the pans in front of her was actually annoying as it filled the silence when no words came out of Jeno’s mouth. 

“The other day, when? Can you be more specific?” 

“When I went out for dinner with my colleagues.” 

Jeno hummed, shrugging, stopping from scrolling on his socials, “Yeah, why?” 

She breathed deeply, shaking her head before giving him her back again. “Nothing, just wondering.” 

“Are you the only one allowed to have fun?” He stood up, reaching her side, two fingers caressing her cheek gently. 

“I never said that.” 

“No, but I don’t get the random question.” 

“And the day after? You didn’t pass by at work, where were you?” 

“I told you I couldn’t come, bunny. I had a thing to do.” 

“Yes, but what? You never let me take the metro alone.” 

Jeno scoffed and she quirked a brow. 

“What’s funny?” 

He shook his head, leaving her side, but she had no intention of letting the conversation drop. 

“Am I lying? You say it loud and clear.” 

“Yeah, and I also know that you don’t take the metro for some months now.” 

Her eyes widened, and it got harder to swallow the saliva as she stared at him. 

“I saw Jaehyun drop you by weeks ago,” he said calmly. “I’m not worried about the metro because I know you have him and he would never let you ride that.” 

“You don’t even like him,” she chuckled bitterly. 

“As long as he has your back and knows his place, I’m fine with his existence.” 

“Somebody attacked him,” she blurted, trying to study Jeno’s expression, she didn’t like what her thoughts were suggesting her for some days but she couldn’t sleep at night with those doubts. Jaehyun was avoiding her, he didn’t even greet her anymore, he barely explained what happened and she had to put the pieces together by asking Johnny what was going on. She heard that whoever attacked him told him to ‘keep his distance from what wasn’t his,’ and she could only think about Jeno. 

“Oh, on the metro?” 

She was taken aback by his answer and shook her head. “No, out of his house. They almost fractured his nose and he has a broken arm.” 

“Really? Shit, were they trying to rob him?” 

“They threatened him.” She kept her eyes locked into his, more shivers turning her skin full of goosebumps. Jeno was impassible, deep down his concerned frown she could see there was no glint behind his eyes. 

“See, that’s why I don’t trust him around you. He must be in a bad circle or something. The place he lives is nice, why do those kinds of people only attack him?” 

“Jeno,” she breathed out, voice shaking and tears menacing to fall. “Was it you?” She expected a bigger reaction but not that. The calm behind his eyes and voice, terrified her more than his outburst of anger did. 

“Me?” He only replied nonchalantly. “You think I’d ever hurt somebody?” 

She started crying, “You said you would kill for me.” 

“Is it a bad thing?” He asked, walking closer to her, reaching for her hand, shaking like a leaf. “You know I’d never hurt you.” 

“But others? Would you kill for me? Would you… would you ever hurt somebody?” 

Jeno didn’t reply but somehow that silence had all the answers she didn’t want to have. He would. And he did. It surely had been him. 

“Why — why would you do that to him?” 

“Do what?” 

“Beat him? He has wounds all over his face, he doesn’t even look like himself.” 

“Why do you care what he looks like? Do you like him?” 

“No, we’re not doing this,” she replied, shaking her head and walking backwards, hands in front of her as if she could stop him from vomiting out words that would’ve pushed her down a spiral of madness. 

“Yes, we are. Because you’d rather accuse me, your boyfriend, of something like that, rather than come to terms with the fact that probably your bestie from work is not who he tells you to be.” 

“You don’t know him.” 

Jeno scoffed. “Should’ve taught a lesson to you, instead.” 

“What did you say?” She asked, unsure she had heard right. Hoping she didn’t because at this point lies were better than what seemed to be the truth. 

“Nothing.” 

She groaned, slamming a hand on the table. “Why can’t you just be honest for once? You always lie to me.” 

“I never lie to you.” 

“I won’t tell him if you did it but just confess to me and we’ll work it out. If there are some problems in our relationship we can fix them.” 

“You are the problem in our relationship.” 

She gasped before her body started shaking even more, voice vibrating full of fear, insecurity and sadness. “What?” 

“You and your lies and the way you keep listening to everyone except me. No matter what happens, no matter how much things have nothing to do with me, you will always find a way to blame it on me.” 

“I —”

“Shut up,” he cut her off harshly. “I know you talked to Jaemin,” he scoffed. “He never gave a fuck about you. He treated you like shit and the first second we falter, you run in his arms to make me the villain? That’s why you needed him to know, right? Why do you hate me so much?” 

“I don’t hate you. What did he tell you?” 

He laughed, but it wasn’t a familiar sweet sound, it was mocking like a sharp slap straight to the cheek. “Afraid he spilled more than you wanted to reach me, right?” 

“I barely talked about you.” 

“It doesn’t matter what he told me, honestly, he was nice, I got by his weird talks that whatever he was ranting about was coming from you. But you need his words, right? You have me right here and you go ask anybody about me except me. You don’t like me. You never liked the real me. You hate I’m not whoever is in your head.��� 

“Please, not this again. I do, I love you so much. I… I…” 

“You what?” He screamed, scaring her, back hitting the wall as the tears started flowing down her cheeks. “God, here we go. Crying like a baby just like when you were a fucking child.” 

She didn’t answer, only wrapped her arms around her body and looked at the floor. This was just like when she fought with her father, or with Jaemin when they were younger and he picked on her for any reason. It was a knife piercing deep into the old wound and twisting with cruel indifference. 

“Fucking answer me! You’re not throwing the rock and then hiding your hand. Ruining our weekend to defend your work boyfie.” 

“Don’t call him that…” 

“No? And what should I call him? Why don’t you run to him? Go, the door is there and I’m sure he’s waiting for you.” 

“He doesn’t talk to me anymore all because you scared him away,” she snapped just to regret it right after. The furious look on Jeno’s face was the last thing she wanted to see. 

“You’re just an ungrateful bitch,” he spat out, turning around angrily. “You don’t deserve anything of what I do for you. This place, defending you from your father, risking my relationship with your brother, hanging out with your friends, dropping you by and coming to pick you up every day from work, spoiling you with small vacation and dresses. But most importantly, you don’t deserve my love. You deserve to be left in the misery you were when you crawled to me on your knees. I should’ve treated you like shit like everybody else always did with you, you would’ve appreciated that more. But here you are.” 

“Jeno, please.” 

“Shut up,” he replied sternly. “And leave.” 

“What do you mean, leave?” 

“What it means? Are you that fucking dumb you don’t know what words mean?” 

“I… I think this is escalating, I didn’t, I didn’t mean this,” she blabbered, a mess on her face as the sobs got louder, too much spit menacing to spill out of her mouth in a pathetic drooling mess. Feeling the floor fall through right beneath her feet,��free falling.  

“You never mean it. And I’m tired of your words, of your lame excuses.” 

“No, no, wait,” she said, reaching for him, but he pushed her away. “Tell me what I did wrong and we can fix it.” 

Jeno laughed. “You don’t trust me. And instead of working on it, you just proved to me more and more every day that you’d let other people’s opinions come over your love for me, just like I told you. But I was paranoic back then, wasn’t I?” 

“But this time it’s not words…” 

“What if I did it? What if I beat him and what else did they do to him? Broke his arm?” 

She nodded, lips quivering, brain pulsing for how hard she was trying to keep herself afloat.  

“Would you leave me if I did that?” 

She didn’t reply, gulping hard, blankly looking into his eyes to see if that was a confession or not. 

“Yes, you would, so why would I risk losing you for him? What do I get from beating him?” 

“But he doesn’t talk to me anymore,” she cried, breaking down in another loud sob. Hoping he would open his arms and hold her in, and save her again from the death he pushed her toward. “Nobody else would threaten him over me.” 

“Who said they threatened him over you?” 

“But why wouldn’t he talk to me?” She sniffled. 

“Because people are shit. They use you until they can get what they want from you and then leave you there. Didn’t he have a crush on you?” 

She hummed, rubbing her arms with her palms, sinking her nails down her skin through her clothes to stay grounded.

“And did you ever flirt with him or gave him a hint of giving him a chance?” 

“Of course not, I have you. I love you.” 

“I know, and don’t you think he knows it too? Don’t you think he’s mad because he sees how strong our relationship is? Wasn’t he filling your brain with stupid doubts to make us fall apart?” 

“He wouldn’t…” 

“He wouldn’t? Bunny,” Jeno cooed, caressing her wet cheek. “Men are trash. You don’t know the things they would do just for some sex.” 

“But he’s different… we were friends. I liked spending time with him.” 

“I know, bunny, I know,” he said, pulling her in his arms. “That’s why I’m mad I can’t protect you from the world. I try to, but you don’t listen. You wanted to trust him and here you are, crying because he just wanted to get in your pants and as soon as he realized he couldn’t, he dropped you out of his life.” 

She didn’t answer, only sobbed harder in his chest, arms weakly holding his waist. 

“For how sick he is, he might’ve also hurt himself to make you believe I’d do something like this.” 

“I’m sorry I doubted you,” she said, pulling away. 

Jeno caressed her cheek. “But I need you to trust me, bunny. We can’t go on like this.” 

She nodded. “But you need to trust me too. I love you, I truly do. I don’t care what people say, but I… never mind.” She took a step back before turning around, wiping the tears with the back of her hands, and then walked into the kitchen again, hoping the food didn’t burn, not that she had any appetite left. 

But when her hands placed on the countertop after turning the fire off, she just cried, shaking and sobbing while Jeno stared at her, leaning on the door frame. The silence was louder than any words. They both knew they were walking on a fragile line and it was bound to break. No amount of sick games and lies was going to save them now. But leaving it as a thought was better than saying it out loud. It was safer than starting another fight where maybe none of them would’ve come out alive. 

“We should leave,” Jeno was the one to break the silence, “just for a while. Detox from everything.” 

She didn’t answer, sniffling harder while she held her body close. That wasn’t going to make things better. She knew she should’ve shut things up a year ago, the bet should’ve been a red flag big enough to tell her this wasn’t going to work, but she ignored it, and now she was paying the consequences. Because loving Jeno had always been like this, a rollercoaster with no seat belts. She felt shivers run down her spine when his arms wrapped around her and his chin rested on top of her shoulder.

“I hate when we fight, I really do.” His hot breath on her skin made her feel uncomfortable, it was like the spell ran out of its magic and all of this lost its spark. Like Cinderella, nothing of the fancy dress or the carriage was left, just a scattered pumpkin on the cold ground, but in this case, the pumpkin was her.

“Why aren’t you answering? Why do you act like this?” 

“Please,” she begged, lifting a hand to her ears when he raised his voice, wanting to shut him out. “I’m tired, I’m — I’m exhausted. I can’t, I’ve had thoughts running in my brain for days and I can’t shut them off, I don’t know how to make them stop, I can’t make this pain go away.” 

But it was like Jeno couldn’t get it and thought that everything could’ve been easily fixed. 

“Don’t kiss me,” she said, squirming away, slipping out of his hold. 

“Are you mad at me still? I thought you were mad at him two seconds ago and now you’re turning against me again?” 

“I’m not turning against you,” she retorted. “The world doesn’t turn against you just when a small thing doesn’t go in your direction, I’m… I need some sleep.” 

“No,” he stopped her. “I don’t want to go to bed without resolving this. Why do you pretend?” 

“I’m not pretending, I can’t talk to you because everything turns into a fight. And… I don’t like listening to what other people say about us but maybe they are right, why can’t you just… let me go?” 

“Let you go?” 

She hummed, barely finding the courage to hold his gaze. “Don’t be so protective over me.” 

Jeno’s features were tense and she didn’t like it. 

“Fine,” he whispered. “Maybe we should take a break.” 

She let out a scream of exasperation, why did her every word have to be twisted into something else? “I didn’t say that.” 

“But I did. I can’t take this just like you can’t. I proposed to leave, put the stress to the side and then come back, but you still doubt me.” 

“Leaving will just push our problems back.” 

“What problems? Because we were fine until you brought him up accusing me of hurting him for some kind of… of what? Revenge? Threat?” 

“So it’s my fault?” 

“Yes, it is, we were supposed to eat and go to the amusement park like one year ago, and here we are. Over.” 

“We’re not over, don’t say that,” she huffed, feeling a terrible pain in her chest just hearing that. “We can still go, we can… we can.” 

“You’re tired, go to sleep.” 

She squeezed her head, brain about to explode in confusion, vision blurred because she had no idea what the right path to take was anymore. There wasn’t even a path to follow, just a land of fallen leaves where traps hid underneath, and with every step, she could’ve tumbled inside. 

“My problem is that I think you are too protective of me.” 

“Too protective? Can you please tell me how? The last time we talked, you were lucky you had me, what changed?” 

“I am, I feel safe around you but… I feel like you don’t trust me. It almost seems as if I am a child in your eyes, and I don’t know what to do with myself.” 

He scoffed. “Caring for you makes you feel like that? You know why it does? Because nobody took care of you when you were a child. Because your brain wished somebody took some weight off your shoulder when you were younger, and you’re not used to other people helping you instead of leaving you in the shit. I know that you, more than Jaemin, had to raise yourself on your own. I was there when you always knew how to get out of a situation. You were never dumb, silent maybe, introverted, shy, clumsy, making everything that you touched break or fall or trip directly yourself but fuck, you were never dumb. You… you have always been so fucking interesting and I,” he sighed. “I envied you so much. Because growing up on my own without my father having my back didn’t make me come up like you. You’re right, I’m a mess, and I’m not half of what you are. Why do you think I hated you? I wanted to break you down so badly. But it seemed like the more people would push you to the floor the more you would bloom, and it was always so subtle, so sneaky, you were a master at getting unnoticed and I wanted to be like that so bad. But instead of pushing me away, you attracted me so much, still, no matter how much I studied you, I never got your tricks. I still don’t, not even now. I have no idea how you didn’t turn into a monster, and I do fear I’ll turn you into one if you stick with me. And I try, I try so hard to be the best version of myself, I don’t even realize when I fuck it up but the idea of losing you, kills me. It kills me. And I’m afraid because I… I know that if only you took a glimpse inside of me, of my true self you’d be terrified and you’d run away. God, you already want to run away.” 

She blinked, staring at him with a curious expression, his defences crumbling down like a house of cards. “You noticed me? I wasn’t invisible for you?” 

Jeno sighed, tears rolling from his eyes again, slipping on the floor. “You haunted me. I saw myself in you. And I wanted to destroy you as much as I wanted to destroy myself.” 

She gulped, sitting in front of him. Well, at least now it all made more sense, all the pain he put her through, all the wasted years and tears. “It doesn’t seem really nice.” 

“I have very bad coping mechanisms,” he shrugged, a bitter smile on his face as he stared at her, dried tears marking her beautiful face. 

She reached for his hand, caressing the palm. “Don’t you think we all hide a bad side of us?” 

He shook his head, pulling away. “You wouldn’t get it.” 

“But if you said that I’m the better version of you, how can I not?” 

“Because you are the good I don’t have.” 

“Shut up, you’re an amazing person, why would you say those things now?” 

“It’s not about being a good or bad person, it’s about having scars that healed in a terrible way and having prices to pay because of them.” 

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” 

“Am I better in your head?” He asked, tilting his head to the side, voice clipping in his throat. “The version of me that lives there, he’s fine, isn’t he? Maybe he’s just like you.” 

She stared at him, trying to read him deeper, to push past those walls she believed he had pushed down, but they were still all there, too tall to even think about climbing them. “I don’t understand you, Jeno, I… I don’t know if I’m tired or if you’re just saying nonsense but… it’s confusing.” 

He smiled, cupping her cheek. “That’s why I told you, you can’t get it.” 

“Where are you going?” She asked when he got up and walked to the door. 

“Out,” he replied calmly as if they weren’t having breakdown after breakdown, always collected as if nothing fazed him, not even when he was the one underwater gasping for air. 

“No, please, I don’t want us to be alone.” 

He turned around, staring at her standing with her fingers playing together. Jeno gulped, looking down before leaning against the door, and inhaling deeply. The images of the fights of before were burning in his brain like a wildfire that had no intention to stop, her wet cheeks, her eyes full of fear, trust faltering, her screams and her words, he was the monster he wanted to protect her from. 

When Jeno started sobbing she rushed to him, holding him in her arms. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, apologizing for things she didn’t know. Cursing himself for being so dumb once again, for hurting everybody even when he wanted to protect them. Hating himself because he was never going to learn. “I’m so sorry.” 

She caressed his face, shushing him with small kisses. 

“I don’t deserve you,” he said, pushing her to the side, running to the bathroom, locking himself in. And if only she didn’t see his eyes being empty and blank again, she wouldn’t have felt that weird warning sensation in her gut. 

“Jeno, open the door,” she screamed when she felt an alarming silence interrupted by sobs and objects falling on the floor. “Jeno, please,” she screamed louder. “I’m here to help you.” 

“I don’t need your help, you don’t know… you don’t.” 

“Jeno, I don’t care, I don’t care about what had been, but I care about you. You are not your scars.” 

“Yes, I am. I am fucked up in more ways than you could even imagine. I’m so toxic for you and I… I’m so selfish because, fuck,” a groan of pain stopped him. “I can’t be without you, I can’t. I want you so bad because it’s so easy to fool myself I can be like you, that if you chose me there must be something good in the mess I am, and I,” another groan, louder this time, reached her outside of the room, but when nothing followed, she started panicking more. 

“Jeno, what are you doing?” 

Nothing. 

“Jeno,” she banged against the door, screaming and crying, “open, please, please don’t do anything dumb.” 

Only after a few seconds he opened, heart on his knees when he noticed the state she was in, the state he put her through. And his heart sank even more when she fell into his arms once seeing he was fine. She loved him too much. 

“I hit him.” 

“What?” She asked, pulling away. 

“I hit Jaehyun, I slashed his tires, I even spied you one night, more than once. I followed you when you went out the other night.” 

She stood there, frozen in her tracks, shaking. The realization falling on her like a cold shower. 

“No, you didn’t. We’re both tired, we need some sleep.” 

“No, I did it. The scar on my thigh? I hurt myself while hiding after slashing his tires and I had to fix it myself.” 

She was speechless, feeling like she could pass out. It couldn’t be true. Yes, she feared it was for weeks by now, but it couldn’t be true. Why was he even confessing? Why couldn’t he keep lying? He was so good at it, and she loved falling into those lies. 

“But why?” Her voice came out like a tremble, salty drops dripping down her face, she couldn’t calm down. 

“Because I’m terrified of losing you.” 

“But what made you even think I would leave you? I… I loved you when you treated me like shit, how could I don’t love you now?” 

“It’s my brain, it’s… it’s the fact I’m never worth more than a fuck for nobody, it’s because I’m bad at love and I’m only good at tricking people into me and manipulating them. It’s because I didn’t learn anything else in my life.” 

“I…” She couldn’t find words to say, she had so many things to let out but they made no sense. Nothing made sense. He was capable of that? Of hurting the people she loved? He spied her? So that night wasn’t a coincidence? Trying to put together all the pieces was driving her insane, and the more she did, the more the picture looked blurry. 

“You were the only one that never looked at me up and down. The only one that never judged me for anything. The only one that truly stood by my side. No matter how much I mocked you for it, or pretended I didn’t notice. I still have all your birthday cards, the ones I always laughed about in front of our friends. I have the Halloween costume you sewed for me when you took your sewing class. I have the small notes you would leave in my bag every time I stayed over with your brother. I have everything.” 

She tried to breathe but it was getting impossible and she leaned against a wall. It was like the world was spinning at light speed and she had no ground under her feet. It was like a Ferris wheel falling to the ground and having nothing to save herself with. 

“So why did it have to take a fucking bet to get to me?” She cried out, voice full of anger but it still didn’t quite come out, too mixed with the disappointment. It all could’ve been so much easier. 

“Because I was in denial. I thought I loved the attention you gave me, the — the pathetic kind of love you felt for me made me feel so fucking important. I believed I could bathe in it and then jump out free once I was done with you. Using you like any other person but then… then you made me discover what love truly is and I couldn’t stand it.” 

She hummed, a small, crooked smile curling her lips. How could she even react to all of that? “But you still love the power you have over me, don’t you? That’s why you’re here, you know I’ll always come back. You know I’ll let you trap me in a cage if it meant being with you, so why this? Why hurt the people I love?” 

“Because I don’t know how much your love for me will make you come back. I… I thought that if I made you feel safe with me, if I cut other people out, you… you wouldn’t have seen how terrible I am.” 

“Then why are you confessing?” 

He lifted his head up, glossy, red eyes meeting hers, nothing but a brown pool of sadness, rancor and so many other emotions she couldn’t point out. “Because I need to be honest with you before you’ll leave me like everybody else.” 

She sat on the floor, legs too tired to support her body, and stared at him, crying and shaking, mumbling apologies, bleeding on the floor since something must’ve cut his hands by mistake. It was another red flag, wasn’t it? A warning as big as a house that was screaming at her to leave now, before it truly was too late. But she also thought of the man of before and how he was trying to manipulate her, how easy it was for him to do it, and now he was confessing all his crimes. And the same questions that assaulted her when he was begging on her knees to forgive him for that bet were filling her brain again. What was he gaining from this? Why did he fight so hard to keep her? But this time she knew he couldn’t have anybody else, that the whole façade of him being a fuckboy was as fake as everything else she had believed lately. He didn’t grow to love her. He always did. Did he? Or did he love the power and the tears and begs and screams? 

After all, it was them. It had always been them. It was falling. It was death, by his side, and it wasn’t sweet or tragically romantic.

She sighed, resting her chin on her bent knees. 

He had done everything to prove her how much he loved her like he had promised. He had done too much. 

“You want me to leave you?” 

Jeno nodded, feeling his heart clench in his chest just at the idea of lifting his head and not seeing her anymore, but that was just another price to pay, he deserved it. 

She pursed her lips together, staring at the floor blankly. She wanted to ask him questions, if he ever got himself checked up for something, if there was something he could do to fix this instead of hurting himself and the people he loved, but she didn’t. 

“I want you to take me to the amusement park tomorrow.” 

He raised his head, shocked to even hear her voice and see that she was still there. 

“I think me and you have to start brand new.” 

He shook his head. “I can’t change. And before I’ll hurt you too, I want you to leave.” No, he didn’t, he could barely survive a month without her, he didn’t even want to imagine an entire life like that, but he had to.

She moved closer. “Maybe instead of pushing the problems back, you could face them?” 

“Drop it,” he warned, but she didn’t listen. 

“I don’t know anything about love, nobody taught me anything about it either. But I guess love is taking care of the people you love, right? I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m here, Jeno. I’m standing close to you after you confessed you stalked me and threatened one of my friends. If I was like anybody else I would not only be out of that door but I would probably be at the police, suing you. But I’m here. I’m here because I listened to you before and I think that maybe there’s a reason why you’re like this, and you can fix this. You don’t heal from the pain of the past, nobody and nothing fills certain voids but instead of letting them drown you and take opportunities away from you, there are ways to walk past them and move forward.” 

He didn’t answer, chewing the inside of his cheeks nervously, thinking about it. “I’ll do it, I promise. But without you, I can’t drag you in this.” 

“You won’t do it if you don’t have a reason to do it, you know it, too.” 

“So you know me a bit, don’t you?” 

She nodded, caressing his cheek with her thumb, and her body relaxed a bit when he snuggled against her touch and shifted closer to her. 

“Maybe we should get up from the cold floor, don’t you think so?”

When the clock struck midnight, Jeno was sleeping, leaning on her, on the couch. And as much as she was exhausted, she couldn’t close her eyes thinking about everything that happened. Tormenting herself, wondering if it was another one of his traps or if he was so good at hiding his demons that not even Jaemin, Haechan, or Jisung had a mere idea of everything that was going on inside him. Thinking how much different he looked when she walked him to the couch and cleaned his wounds and he opened up a bit more. Questioning which of the many versions of himself he had shown her was the real one. Wondering who she was going to wake up to the next day. She hoped it was the same Jeno that chuckled lightly while they ate a bowl of ramen, talking about the future. She hoped it was the same Jeno that promised her he was going to be a better person. She hoped he could be his true self around her, but she started to fear that maybe that version of him didn’t even exist, that he tried so hard to conceal it that it simply disappeared and he, himself, had to find it somewhere he didn’t know. 

She sighed, struggling to grab a blanket, and covered their tired bodies, holding him closer, inhaling his scent before she tried to close her eyes, hoping the heavy sensation on her chest wouldn’t have been there by morning. 

But for now, it was, their hearts were beating as once with the same demons. He was right. They weren’t different, they were a different outcome of the same situation. Probably that was why they worked. She craved his bad, and he craved her good. But she doubted that foolish fantasy could last for long. 

Probably it was better to leave, to run and hide, maybe she was still in time to don’t miss him as if somebody cut her heart off her chest, still in time to don’t let his demons drown her too. But after all, she was a dumb girl, a fool for him. 

She would’ve always wanted him. In any way she could have him. 

And when she looked down at his relaxed face, eyelashes resting on his cheeks, and breath normal, she realized she couldn’t leave him. If she brought the better out of him, this couldn’t go wrong. It couldn’t be worst, at least. 

But the realization of how tricky the path they were going to take kept her up at night some more. 

Jeno was terrified of losing her, the only good part of him, the only person he could somehow mirror himself even though their apparent incompatibility. 

Somebody could’ve called it dedication, some other something darker. After all, the line between love and obsession is thin, and Jeno had crossed it for a while. And she had no idea if there was salvation for that. 

Jeno wasn’t only in love, Jeno was obsessed. 

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