#not to mention that most yt people I’ve seen asking do it because they want to honor their pets

[damconcha]

now that it’s that time of the year again, white people fuck off and leave día de los muertos alone

[georgiapeach30513]

Jen, marketing anon from last night!

I came to clarify some comments because I do not want people running to your page and miscontruing things and then bombarding you for no reason. There’s another blog on here that I’ve seen who works in the industry and she was not impressed with the interview either.

This is just my opinion and I am not confirming anything was scripted. But I can tell you I am 1000% sure that interviewer was reading from a page and she looked very very awkward and almost unrehearsed. It bothers me because she works for access Hollywood and they should know beyond better in my opinion.

I work in marketing, yes. My industry is tech - which means the people I work with are usually engineering nerds gone corporate. Very different vibes lol. But we just did a video recently celebrating a partnership with a very prominent bank and our CEO and the client participated in the video. They appeared in the video to be “answering questions” and bless them both, couldn’t make it more obvious they were reading from something on a screen (it’s in the eye contact). Also - the camera pointing right at them while they stare to their left and shift back and forth makes it even more obvious. However, these people are not entertainers, reporters, or actors. Them being awkward on screen is a little less cringe but still meh when this stuff gets posted on YT and Facebook.

Like I mentioned, I can tell that 1000% the AH interviewer is reading off something. Her eyes shifting back and forth and she’s clearly not staring at the camera though the camera is on her face directly. Something was awkward about it but she’s reporting for AH so that’s even more weird to me how unprofessional and very not camera comfortable she looked.

As for CE, he at least looked like he was answering from memory or making it look as such - but he is an actor. That’s what he’s supposed to do.

But I’ll say this: The way he sounded during most of the interview…wasn’t great. I’m not hating on him and I know he’s just doing what he’s told, answering questions that she asked him - but I mentioned the cut away from his face as he started to talk about “personal” stuff was very telling.

Old footage, as he talks over the images that basically don’t have anything to do with the dog food he’s promoting was interesting. To me, it felt like a shoehorn. You don’t see his face as he’s saying the personal stuff and people hear him mention someone’s name. Again.

In marketing, we often have to “insert topic” and add a word or name or buzz topic when we push or promote a campaign. Our writers and social media marketers have to somehow mention what we need mentioned somewhere in the promotion. It can be done in many ways and the intent is always to make it look organic but many times, it feels the opposite. When you’ve been in the field for a bit you can usually pick out the obvious tells of a marketing push, which is why I wanted to send that ask to you last night. Something sincerely doesn’t feel right about all this and I do feel bad because I can see fans who care so much about a celeb being upset that they’re getting yanked around.

But business is business. Please take care of your own mental health if something like this is truly getting to you.

I can’t put words into other people’s mouths but if my boss saw this interview and she was approving it to go live - she would have asked them to re record and ask him to put more life into it. 😂 Also, if the questions were pre approved he could have had a ghost writer come up with something more substantial to say. If this was coming from the heart, well…

Like you mentioned yesterday, that energy he had with his old costar at the walk of fame ceremony was what you can’t fake. He seems like a man who truly wears his emotions and heart on his sleeve and he was genuinely happy and fond of seeing his friend.

This interview though? Yikes. Again, people will see and hear what they want and take what they want from this.

I give this interview a 2/10 as well. 😝

Agree with all your points. To me it’s obvious she was reading from a script. The camera was too close to her face and we see her awkwardly looking to the side. He however, as you mention, does seem to at least “know his lines”. I don’t think it’s absurd to think these questions were pre approved and that he had his speaking points and what he was okay mentioning.

[streamdotpng]

UHHH YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THE PLAYLIST ?? Can’t believe that that’s what made me finally make a Spotify account lol also a lot of good songs in here, apart form the ones I already knew (Tear You Apart, Smoke and Mirrors that dug up my nightcore days in middle school.. and The Other Side Of Paradise) I really liked IN MY MOUTH, An Unhealthy Obsession, Kiss Me You Animal, The Dismemberment Song and Brutus. Idk if you’ve talked abt The Hearse Song (I liked it too btw) before but I need to know how it fits t&t

Now that I’m hooked back on t&t, I’ve got more questions. Does Enid interact with her brothers at school ? How’s their relationship ? How do they view her now that she’s part of the elders ? Are/Were they worried ? Has her view of ‘regular’ werewolves been altered by the elders ? Like, "don’t mingle too much with them, they got domesticated". The elders view Enid as family (do they all really ?) but, and even after having been kinda Stockholmed by them, she doesn’t. Her earring is for Wednesday. Does any of them know it ? suspect it ? If (when) she leaves them for good, how will they react ? Will they make her fight for it ?

And now my cents on the Jenna Ortega’s characters love triangle. (I have never seen any of the other shows) You said that Enid was like ‘just a monster’ when Tara asked abt her scars. And like, Tara’s gonna be like ‘How ?? why ?’ and Enid will just look at her and respond ‘had to protect someone’. And she will say it with A Look in her eyes, like she’s looking not at Tara but at that someone. Someone so important that now Enid is covered in scars.

Phoebe and Tara may have a place in her heart (and her bed lol) but Wednesday also has one in her flesh. Forever.

-🦎🧦

The hearse song fits bc it's this acceptance that you'll die like the rest is how I think Enid's mentality during the winter. Just this morbid mindset as she lived with the elders during her denial stage

Nightcore days is such a mood tho, when I first got into yt that was my jam and how I found most of my music taste before transitioning to actual bands

Enid does not interact with her brothers actually! Like she won't even glance at them. They didn't do the same before so why must she? It doesn't stop them from prodding however because they don't know anything about the situation other than Esther telling them to stay away from Enid.

The last time they saw their sister, there were litter of bruises along her wrist and her teeth was bared as she pushed herself into the house to move out.

I don't think enid really cares about the other werewolves bc again, idt they paid much attention to her since she couldn't wolf out. She does however find them being competitive over things that don't matter irritating. Like which one of them get to sleep with the most girls or smth along those lines, just crude things that don't matter in the end. If they were to brag about how easily they stripped flesh from bone she'd perk up but outside of that, she doesn't really bother with them

Enid can't leave though, as much as she plans too. Sure she can walk away, she can live her life but the elders will always be apart of it whether she wants too or not. Romulus is aware of her intentions but he isn't worried, his daughter is growing and what kind of father is he if he doesn't nurture her independence? He spoils his family yes but his methods of living is simply unorthodox and wrong in alot of people's eyes

Not Tara realizing that she isn't the first girl. Yknow what they say abt first loves, they'll always be remembered even if they don't stay

Do love the mention of how Tara and phoebe may hold space in Enid's heart but the wolf bled first for wednesday, different kind of devotion right there

[londonspirit]

DT Con in Goch, Germany

Proud Nerd Conventions!!! Remember that name! And if there’s a chance to go to one that covers your interests GO!!! They’re doing amazing cons (well, the one I was at, but from the looks of it, others were just as happy with them as me so…) We did go - to the middle of freaking Nowhere which still amuses me but it was the most incredible thing EVER!!! It’s small (not like the huge Cons), the location in an old monastery was insane and the vibe was absolutely impeccable!!! And if you’re lucky you spot on of the guests just wandering around, taking pics of the wildlife (mainly chickens and peacocks), being amazed by them (*coughs* DT *coughs*)

Im still in heaven! Everything was wonderful. The people, the guests (even though we missed out a few panels because we were so in awe of everything… it didn’t help that DT did his Bentley photoshoot outside where everyone could watch which was niiiiiiice!).

The panels we DID see where very chill, the host did a great job and DT’s panel at the end was just soo lovely - being amazed by said peacocks and normal German screwdrivers (some wonderful person uploaded the whole thing in YT - go and watch, it was soo good!) (And I hope the person that fainted (?) at the end was taken care of quickly and is feeling better now!)

Also: Georgia was mentioned quite a lot which lead to some hilarious comment by both her son and her husband! (Reminder to self to go and see if anyone recorded Ty’s panel *mutters ‘Big Daddy’ under breath while trawling YT and Twitter*). Here’s hope she’s going to join her family for one of these one day - the love for her there was palpable and she’d love all the love for her!!!

We got very lucky with the weather (I got a little sunburned even!) which made it even better - this location wouldn’t have worked this nicely with rain.

The whole surroundings were soo surreal and soo cool. David’s photoshoot was in an attic - you had to EARN your way there (soooo many steps) but soooo worth it. I loved that you could see him taking his pics while you waited for your turn: that man had a blast!!! He was smiling the whole time, hugged everyone who wanted it and generally was ready for ALL the shenanigans! I’ve seen a few absolutely incredible pics! He felt sooo good and his jumper was sooooo soft!! GUH!!! (Im still very impressed with myself that I stayed really calm all day (probably helped that I’ve met him a few times before even though this was the first time I had my pic taken with him) but he makes it so very easy for everyone! One of the kindest and loveliest celebrities I’ve met!)

And yes, he was wandering around in the five seconds he had in between everything - his schedule was PACKED and he was still smiling and joking at the end of the day even tho he was basically ON all freaking day! tips hat Im sure he was exhausted by the end of it (but he didn’t show it so yeah, RESPECT!!)

So yeah, overall the whole trip was sooo worth the slightly higher prices for everything - the guests were all enjoying themselves it seemed, the fans had a blast and 'Don’t pet the chickens, Sarah’ was uttered more than you’d think at a CONVENTION *giggles*

Also, peacocks are REALLY loud and nesting chicken HISS when you get too close. (I still wonder whether there were any during the Bentley shoot, they were EVERYWHERE and seemed to flock towards any Tennant when they were outside *hehe*)

The best thing though was my darling friend. Somebody asked DT whether he’d nicked something from set. And while he was pondering that, she uttered rather absently (and quietly) 'Your wife’?!’ You can hear the guffaw of laughter from me and the row in front of us if you listen carefully. I love that woman and her way of pointing out the obvious!!! That was soo freaking hilarious and I wished somebody had filmed THAT!

And despite missing out on Peter, Sylvester and some of the other guests’ panel (as we mainly went for David), we saw them briefly as they left so that’s something. All in all, it was the most chill and laid back convention one can go to. And having done this for one of my all time fave, I couldn’t be happier! I love my picture with him, I said a few things, and I realized (pointed out by my friend again) that I have a matching set now:

… so yeah, definitely considering the Proud Nerd Cons again if/when they do anything with favs of mine!!! Much much love for the organizer(s)!!! Next DT event: Macbeth in November!!! 2024 is shaping up to be an EPIC year!!!

[fierceawakening]

Another weird thing about the difference between the way Tumblr posts supposedly by narcissistic people and YT vide about “why’d that mean person act that way? Well if they’re narcissistic, it might be x” is

The tumblr posts very rarely talk about image, where the analysis YouTubes do a lot.

According to the YouTubes, people who are narcissistic are VERY invested in how things look. The classic idea is someone who wants to be fawned over, like a celebrity or a cult leader, but… like the stuff where I’m thinking it resonates about my mom is…

It’s not that she saw herself as glitz and glamor (which is why I never would have wondered if narcissism could be part of the traits, until I started researching covert narcissism and a lot felt familiar), but there always WAS an endless obsession with how we looked and how I looked.

“You can’t look like Annie Lennox, she only gets to look like that because she’s famous!” “People might think you’re a lesbian, we can’t have that.” “Grandma will drop by and see this mess.” “Everyone is staring at us when you’re loud in public.” “That’s not what good Christians do” (said when I didn’t want to be seen being helpful, not when I didn’t feel charitable.) “You don’t want to wear that.”

It was exhausting, and I’ve only begun to realize most people don’t grow up hearing it constantly.

I talk very often about how I’m neurodivergent and awkward, and my therapist tells me she really doesn’t think I’m that strange. She might be biased because she knows me, but I’m beginning to think I rebelled against the endless “let’s look good” with “I can’t do that. That makes me a freak. But I’m not bad! Being a freak is good. Fuck yeah freaks!”

It’s funny how tumblr is so keen on how we talk about narcissism but doesn’t seem to mention how tiring image obsessing Can get.

It’s one of several things that make me wonder if tumblr and YouTube are talking about different neurodivergences entirely.

(For a trivial example: I would imagine the people I’ve met who act like what I’m describing would be affronted if you asked them about masking or said they’re secretly insecure, where the tumblr people talk a LOT about how much masking is unfun and really stinks.)

[doerrferr]

Devon Rodriguez is giving internet artists a bad name.

Ok, I know this happened like weeks ago - but there was an art critic, Ben Davis, from art net, who published an article reviewing Rodriguez’s exhibition in NY.

The article in question, as far as criticism of artwork goes, was one of the most gentle and nice critiques I have ever seen in the visual arts.

Davis starts the article with a brief overview of Rodriguez’s work and life and goes on to give his opinions on his work. This is his job.

As artists, we receive criticism ALL THE TIME, and it is vital to our development as artists, and to continue learning and growing. As an artist, you never become the “perfect artist” or “finished product” - there is ALWAYS room to grow and develop skills further, and that’s what criticism is about. It’s not a personal attack, it’s constructive criticism. Not to mention the fact that art is subjective, and how everyone views your work is going to be different.

As someone studying art at college, and hoping to study at uni and establish myself professionally, Rodriguez’s response to Ben Davis was shocking. I’ve received more intense critiques from my tutors and peers in courses, and they weren’t offensive to me in the slightest. We’re taught to ask for people’s views, because it is vital for us as artists. If you never receive criticism, you’ll always do the same things, make the same mistakes, and your work will become stale because you’re doing the same thing, with the same process, and while the subject you’re drawing/ painting may be different, every piece is going to look exactly the same. It’s not interesting.

The article barely criticised Rodriguez, in my opinion, yet he somehow took it as a personal attack and ranted on his instagram story, tagging davis in each of the stories posted, to his over 32 million followers, some of which went on to dog pile on the critic’s instagram … for doing his job.

It’s disgusting to see this immature behaviour from someone who claims to want to reduce gatekeeping in the art world. Rodriguez claims to be a role model, spreading kindness on the internet but his actions speak louder than his words, and the words of his PR team.

Devon Rodriguez, is often not known by name but as soon as you mention “the subway art guy” or “the guy who does hyper realistic portraits on the train”, people usually know what you mean then. And his art is good, the technique in his work is brilliant to achieve that level of realism. But every single TikTok, Reel, and YT Short is the same. As was the work in his exhibition. An art critic wouldn’t be doing their job if they didn’t mention that. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, sticking to one specific style/ formula, it’s definitely worked for Rodriguez. But it’s not particularly interesting, especially in an exhibition - once you’ve seen one piece, you’ve pretty much seen them all.

Again, thats not a bad thing! If you’re comfortable in a specific style and you’ve found success in sticking to the exact same thing, that’s brilliant! But most artists don’t have that luxury, and you often won’t find yourself being successful and getting jobs if your work isn’t versatile, or if your portfolio isn’t interesting. Photorealism is bloody impressive, but is it interesting? Not particularly if you’re just doing the same thing, essentially the same subject matter and colour schemes. There is a lack of expression in photorealism, that’s just how the style works. Each style has its pros and cons, and again, it varies from person to person.

There’s nothing unique about Rodriguez’s work. That’s just a fact. It’s going to happen when you keep doing the exact same thing. The only thing he leans on to distinguish himself as an individual is his story in how he rose to prominence, through TikTok. That only takes you so far if your work lacks variety, character and expression.

Ben Davis worded his thoughts in the article very nicely, and comes of much kinder than I do in this post. He was doing his job. And if he was just another commenter on TikTok, his opinions would be equally valid because he’s JUST EXPRESSING AN OPINION ON AN ARTIST’S WORK. Which anyone is free to do, and especially from art critics, or peers in the art world - is highly encouraged and useful to you as an artist.

Devon Rodriguez made an absolute fool of himself in response to Davis’ article. He’s making a fool of artists from similar backgrounds and those who hope to build a platform online for their art. Criticism goes with the job. And if art critics and those who are gatekeeping the art world think that the younger generations of artists, or online artists can’t take it , it just gives them another “reason” to keep us out.

The article was nothing but constructive, and extremely nice.

It’s awful to see such a prominent artist respond in such a childish, petty and kind of disgusting manner, and to encourage his following to do the same.

It completely opposes his belief that he’s making the art world a better place and spreading positivity, and reducing gatekeeping and negativity. He’s encouraging the exact opposite, and making it harder for artists from similar backgrounds to him, and backgrounds that often don’t get the chance to see success even remotely close to his. It’s so frustrating to see, especially given the hypocrisy in Rodriguez’s platform and because the criticism was constructive. I’ve respected his platform and his rise to prominence before all this, but i also maintain (and still do) that his work is stale. He relies on his content, not the actual work he produces.

Anyways, just needed to rant about this feel free to add your thoughts, or scroll past. Just felt like ranting to the void.

[dojae-huh]

You’re right. It’s the opinion that I’ve seen from non-doyoung fans and also first timers who react to nct about his vocals. Ironically I did get into 127 through Like A Star but seeing these reactions and other comments made me actually doubt myself. I like his voice but why do i not see people (outside of his fandom) appreciating him. Am i wrong or what? I know it’s dumb. Why would you want to seek validation from his non fans but it just makes me thinking. Why he doesn’t attract much attention vocal-wise to first time listeners of 127. Take note of the 127 here.

A lot of the time I see that people would instantly got attracted to Taeil and Haechan’s voice because their voice stands out. Not technically, but tone-wise. So i just came to conclusion that he doesn’t have the how to say, dramatic(?), extra flair to his voice? From my previous post, I didn’t touch about vocal techniques because I know he got the skills. And to be fair, most of the people that I watch and read comments off doesn’t know a thing about vocal technique as well. What I meant by him being an ‘average singer’ is actually relative to Taeil and Haechan’s more stands out vocal tone. It’s what people see because most of us don’t have the ability to dissect their techniques. Which for me is a bit unfair because he works hard when it comes to singing. But that’s just how thing works. Some people was born with more advantage. And one of Doyoung’s is his hardworking demeanour which is really favoured by his fans.

And for my comments on other fields, I must admit it was written mostly for exaggeration and to fish out comments from you guys. I’m not that invested in his other schedules aside from singing actually, so my statement was awfully biased. But nice to know that he’s doing well in other fields as well. Haters posts actually did make me feel insecure as a fan and you and most of your audience actually have this way of writing that give me room for thoughts. That’s why i asked here. I have to say it’s not very nice of me to seek reassurance this way and I’m only brave because it’s anonymous. I don’t think it’s a good practice but i think i get immediate result if i do it this way(?). What do u think

People are social animals, there is a pull to make a group and to act as one. Add to it the fact that some fans don't know English well, so they repeat positive comments they see about their bias verbatim.

Let's take Haechan. He has many qualities that can attract a fan, from his appearence and maknae image to his quick mind and stage presence. But everyone always write "unique voice!", so even a Hyuk's stan who came to like him for his dancing would be inclined to mention his "unique voice!" under a YT video. Moreover, if this stan is of a different opinion from the majority (say, acknowledges that Haechan is weaker than Jaehyun technically), he or she wouldn't be able to say it out loud without angering other stans.

Now, Taeil. He is the strongest vocalist technically in NCT. And it is easy to understand that he is a good vocalist (power notes, resonance). Thus his stans use this card to elevate their bias. It's the Ace card noone can beat. Who is given all the high notes? Taeil! Taeil has other attractive qualities. For example, he is a true musician (not just a performer), he has a chill comforting personality, he is funny in his own way. However, his stans can't use these cards. Taeil doesn't dance well, he isn't the leader, he isn't a visual (other universally acknowledged Ace cards). All his stans have is his "The Main vocal!" card. And they get super aggressive (out of insecurity) about it. Don't you dare say Doyoung is also a main vocal in their presence.

Sorry, I know I'm repeating in part what you wrote, anon, but I'm also explaining my POV to readers at large.

Taeil once said: "what Doyoung does seems easy but it is not". Many fans take Doyoung's singing abilities for granted. Some don't understand how he is better than Yuta. Not all fans pay attention or even can hear and appreciate the nuances in an idol singing. Try to explain to BTS fans that their biases are not that good technically and are not on par with SM vocals, you'd get linched.

I often see vocal teachers who react to k-pop videos scoff at fans' obsession with high notes. They know it's not the hardest part, that doing a run or a smooth transition without changing of the tone of the voice is harder. However, most average people think heigh notes are the hardest to do.

There are a lot of people who notice Doyoung's voice right away in 127 and U songs. They simply don't write about it everywhere as often as Hyuk's and Taeil's fans. As for YT reviewers, they do their homework. They know who they should point out to get the brownie points.

Doyoung has a recogniseable tone. I can't agree with you (and with him, btw) that he doesn't. However, he does need an opportunity to demonstrate it. And recent A-tracks are not tailored to him (as he is the support). It is the same for Jaehyun. Jaehyun loses the warmth of his voice in his parts in many 127 tracks.

To sum it up. I don't think Doyoung should be pitied. He is a better vocalist than Haechan and can do musicals, he is a better emotional singer than Taeil and has a better stage presence, so high chances he would be a more successful soloist than the two of them. All 3 of them lack in some departments, all 3 of them need to work on their weaker sides to achieve what they want, all 3 of them need to give room to other members in the unit and be an instrument in an orchestra.

For my part, I like 127 for having so many good voices and I'm also happy when SM manages to use them adequately in a song.

As for the fans and your validation. Read comments under Doyoung's solos and covers. See for yourself how many people appreciate his voice. Read comments under Yestoday and Boss. Remember that more than 1mln people tuned in to his Birthday mini-concert. And that most of his vlives where he sings have very high number of views. Keep in mind how Doyoung is constantly invited by directors of tv-series and producers who heard him once somewhere and fell for his voice. He is also on the second place when it comes to subscribers on Spotify (Taeyong is on the 1st place).

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Since I didn’t want to keep on adding asks and answers to the original post on fan service, seeing as that post is already so long, I thought I’d make a second post since we got two more asks. I intended for the answers to be relatively short, but well, that didn’t quite turn out that way, lol.

From anon: Since you were talking about fanservice. In performances, no doubt those were somewhat fanservice. But do you think those vmin moments we get after BTS was called on stage during award season was also fanservice. Like the moment in your header and others in MMA 2019 Or the hug and lift in MGA 2018 or in SMA 2019?

I don’t think whatever the members do after the announcement is made that they won an award is fan service. That would mean their excitement and happiness is also just a staged thing for our entertainment, which sounds and is quite dehumanizing when you think about it. I think in those moments we simply see their raw reactions and natural interactions, like the times when Tae and Jimin would hug before turning and joining the group hug before they would go on stage together to pick up whichever award they’ve just won.

Some of it is silly, like Jimin trying and failing to pick up Tae, but saying that’s fan service would imply that they decided in advance that they would do that but I doubt Tae would agree to it if he knew Jimin would drop him, lol. It’s simply a glimpse at their happiness and relief, at the members being excited together. Do they still guard their emotions and interactions to some extent? Of course since they are not only on camera but also surrounded by thousands of people in the audience watching them. But their smiles and hugs when going to pick up an award are still all real.

From anon: I saw the shipping war yesterday. So I would like to ask you for a post about the influence of BTS members on how they stand during the interview or who sits next to whom during the video shoot? Who decides who will be paired with whom during the photo session. That's why I ask, because I don't believe that the members choose their partners and common accessories for their clothing themselves. Thank you in advance because it's so annoying.

All that “drama” was sparked by part 2 of Lee Hyun’s YT video in which he takes on the role of being one of the BTS managers and accompanies them to the filming of the Dynamite and Butter performances for SeriusXM. There we see him check out the set, much the way any of the Bangtan managers and security would, and at one point he sits down on the sofa where we see name cards placed around marking who will sit where. Meaning that this isn’t something the members decide on the spot but is something that is decided by someone else.

Why is it like this? I’ve never worked at a set like this but I would say chances are it’s because the filming crew rehearses the performance before the members even arrive on set. I could imagine that random crew members either sit on those spots holding up the name cards, or maybe the name cards themselves are enough, while the music is playing and they plan out how each member will be filmed, what the order is in which they sing, and which members might sing together and be worth showing together. This makes the actual filming easier and quicker, especially for the members themselves. And we still saw that they filmed several takes out of which the final posted performance is edited together. 

What does this mean? Not much, really. Just that ship theories based on x and y sitting together in performances often or insecure asks about why x and y don’t sit together often are both pointless. I wouldn’t quite call this fan service, but surely there are some deciding factors that go into those choices though it means that, since the members don’t care, and they don’t decide this since it doesn’t matter, we shouldn’t really care or make a big deal out of it either. It also means that whoever does decide the seat placement knows that everyone in Bangtan has so much chemistry together that regardless of who will sit next to who, it’ll be great either way.

Besides this isn’t high school where besties want to always sit next to each other and everyone is avoiding the nerds or losers. It’s seven guys who love and respect each other equally, so really, what does it matter if Namjoon sits next to Hobi or Jimin or Yoongi? And sure, am I happy when vmin or namjin sit next to each other during a performance? Obviously. Do I see any kind of indication of the state of their bond in them not sitting together? Obviously not, and now even less.

It’s also similar in photoshoots with someone from the crew deciding who will stand where and more or less what general poses will work best for whichever atmosphere is supposed to be created. We’ve seen it with the jacket sh*oting of MOTS7 for the subunit photos where Jimin talks with JK about how they’ve been in photoshoot subunits for a while now and JK says it’d be nice to shake things up a bit, so it’s a preplanned thing they have no say in really, or in the jacket sh*oting for BTS, THE BEST where a crew member placed Tae between JK and Seokjin. After all BTS are seven members, and just like I said with performances and concerts, if all of them were to just do whatever they want, everything would take an incredibly long time and be needlessly chaotic.

As for accessories, it’s the same case, as in a team of stylists decides who will wear what for whichever performance. Like during the NTV The Music Butter performance where most of the members wore the same bracelets, rings and earrings from Cartier. 

Most likely the stylists, along with the set designers, decide on a theme for an upcoming performance and using that as guide, the stylists buy seven sets of outfits and jewelry that would fit it. Otherwise, if each members stylist would just buy whatever they feel like it, we’d end up with a mess, as in for instance Tae wearing only bright colors, Hobi looking like he’s a goth vampire, Namjoon went back to the 80s and Jimin emerged in something straight out of a dystopian movie.

Edit: As someone rightfully mentioned in the comments, I should’ve mentioned that the members surely have some freedom of input in the outfit choices and the possibility of saying no to certain things if they decidedly don’t like them. Same as with their make up where we know Jimin is very particular about how he wants his to look like. 

Are there sometimes exceptions where some members share some kind of accessories? Sure, like with vmin and the ear muffs during one of the photoshoots for Winter Package, as example. Or now in the preview for the Permission to Dance performance and Butterful Gateaway on NOW where they were those yeehaw cowboy outfits and vmin are the only ones with a single feather earring. Or in 2020 during the Grammys for their Old Town Road performance where Tae and Jimin shared brown and blue contact lenses, which I’ve never seen any of them do before.

[sango-blep]

Art question: your colors and lighting are always so gorgeous - what’s your process look like for colors in terms of layering/combining colors?

Ok, time for the end boss, this is probably gonna be a long one so I hope this is still gonna be understandable and not too much as a text post.

First up I’m just gonna put a quick and very basic break down of how I often approach coloring before I go more into detail.

I’d definitely recommend to not leave your canvas white while painting, I either rough in my background first or give the canvas a grey-ish blue color if it doesn’t have one. The bright white of the canvas will make it harder for you to judge colors, having a nice midtone will help you make better color decisions and get more accurate colors!

Here’s a little snippet from a previous post about how I pick color! (check out full post for some useful links)

Here is one of the brushes I really like using in paint tool sai2! Other than that I might use the standard marker tool with a square shape. In clipstudio i try to use similar textured brushes.

To blend or to create soft edges, which really helps you to sculpt your drawiing/painting, I often just start painting on a new layer above the one with the base color and then use a soft eraser! I might also use paint tool sai’s water tool, which I find really useful and pretty unique, I sadly haven’t really been able to replicate it in programs like clip studio.

In the two pictures above I already did a lot of defining and painting before I moved to a layer ontop of the lines because the lines were fairly clean already. Sometimes my “underpainting” looks way rougher though and I just put in some blobs of color for hue variation, especially the more red-ish areas and then do most of the painting above the lineart layer! Not sure if there’s much to say to the overpainting stage, as mentioned before this is just where I clean up the whole drawing and define the features more, especially the eyes, eyebrows and lips.

NOW, the real fun begins....

After I’m mostly done with painting, I start to properly establish the lighting, some people find it easier to do it the other way around, and sometimes I do so too. But often I push for the strong lighting at the end so I can focus more on painting. This is where I play around a lot with layer modes, usually I use a combination of overlay and shine to put in some bright warm light from one direction!

The way I do it is I usually put all the layers of the person/object into a folder so it’s separated from the background, then I make a new layer on top of that folder and use clipping group. It works similar to a layer mask, whatever i do in those clipped layers will only affect the layers that are in the folder! Since only my character is in that folder, my background will be left alone.

As mentioned before, I now use gradients to give the entire picture more hue variation and to properly give it strong lighting. Make sure the gradient tool is set to “color to transparency”. I use a warm orange/red color for the top right side where I want the light to hit and put it in overlay mode. And then use a colder purple/blue color on multiply mode and pull it up from the bottom to the middle.

At the end I often adjust the colors a bit, I like to use cool colors in the background to make the warm colors of the skin etc pop! So often I push those reds of the characters a little more! In paint tool sai I just adjust the hue and saturation a bit. In more complex programs like CSP I do it in the color balance option.

You can see how I pushed it a bit more towards red here, to make it stand out more against the blue-ish background. I also pushed the blue’s in the hair color. Giving dark hair blue-ish undertones can make for a really good contrast compared to the warm colors in the skin! I think this last part is really the most important to me,lighting can REALLY change your entire picture, and I think gradients are a super easy and fast way to do it! If I pull up the picture from the beginning again, you can see just HOW MUCH the picture changed again after I was pretty much done painting by adding strong lighting! It’s a good way to pull the attention to a certain spot, in this case the faces/the kiss, where all the strong saturated colors are!

I also think that a good contrast between warm and cool colors is really important! As you can see I often use that to make my characters stand out from the background. If you put everything in cool colors or everything in warm colors it’s easy to make your object get lost in the background. I recently found this guys YT channel, he talks alot about warm vs cold colors, which I think is so helpful! I’ve hardly seen any other artists talk about it that much. If any parts were unclear or I left something out/ someone wants to know more about a certain topic just let me know! Thanks to everyone who’s sent me asks

[stopbeingrude]

Warning rant:

( Sorry for any mistakes)

I have been seeing lots of Juvia/ Gruvia hate lately again. You know the same things :stalking, schtockholm syndrom , abuse..... yeah you know nothing new. I've also seen video on YT-(presentation) about why Gruvia is toxic made by psychology student ..........and i still can't believe on what i saw...

Ok first of all i can't imagine analyzing relationship of characters from shonen comedy anime where most od characters are potrayed as freaking CARICATURES , and not including the fact that they are well .... from comedy anime( really?). The person who made this video claimed, that their talked about gruvia with their teacher and they agreed with them about everything. I think this person is not aware that , when you discussing certain topic, you should be... OBJECTIVE. While analyzing characters , you're supposed to write/talk about them in objective way, it doesn't matter if you hate them or not. If i were to analize for example Gray or Gajeel, i would still mention their disadvanteges even though i adore both of those characters.

I decided to talk to my father who is also same kind of teacher , I wanted to know what he thinks about this. I told him about Fairy tail, lil bit about both characters in OBJECTIVE WAY , about their backstories and show some clips of them. He agreed with me( he's also a big anime fan and is well acquainted with various anime tropes). Fairy tail i SHONEN. COMEDY.ANIME. Very often many actions done by characters are strange, incomprehensible or even absurd ,so It's obvious that we should not take them seriously. The tropes where someone is madly in love, girls are getting accidently groped or someone loses their clothes are part of japanese comedy. Quoting someone: understand your media before you'll try to write something about them.

Besides do they really thing that Mashima would made supposed ,,sexual abuser "one of the main characters?

I was pretty calm till i saw slide about Juvia supposedly gaslighting Gray....

..... WTF people?

Why do they use term, they not understand meaning of ?

Yess sure ,Juvia trying to cheer Gray up after Ultear death is sure gaslighting, because sulking on sadness/ staying depressed is healthy as hell🤡

What really made me mad was saying that on the end of Tartaros Juvia gastlighted Gray on front of his parents grave ...i just...

Juvia holding Gray's hand is sexual harrasment, even though he innitiated it( dear God 😶). Also when Gray asked Juvia why She's holding his her , this person count this as a rejection??( Yeah i don't get how is this question suppose to mean rejection , but yyy you do you?). Ok. So let's say that i see model on magazine ,according to this person's logic this is sexual harrasment because She's not aware that i have her photo. It doesn't matter that She agreed to pose for this magazine. Yep totally makes sense😏. Stop acting like Juvia harrases Gray, he likes her company, he loves her.

Oh and apparently Gruvia fans harrased Mashima to make ship canon?? Eeh?? And he said it in interview ?? Where that came from ??Im not saying that all Gruvia shippers( shippers in general) are saints but the closest thing to harrasing Mashima were, people spaming about 100yq anime and some Gray x Lucy shippers ( no offense to Graylu's ) being mad at Mashima at the and of main series. I though that Mashima himself said that he likes this couple?

Another thing Gray being in love in Juvia does not ruin his character , it's didn't make him horrible person, or more stupid. So Gray is at his best when he is depressed, because being in love makes him boring buhh. Im not sure if they're aware but most people wants to find love/ start family . It's not really nothing odd

Going by those people logic all of fairy tail characters are sexual abusers , criminals ..

The best one at last... ,, Those who like Gruvia are not normal, many will say that..." when in reality those who critisize them are minority, cause in reality most people seems to like them or are neutral towards them.

I'm sorry this is so long , but whenever i write It always makes me feel better and i wanted to remind Gruvia shippers to not bother with this kind of people , they think that them having unpopular opinion makes them some kind of modern prophets. Let's just ignore those .

[bvccy]

how did you plan NtD?

I'm decided to write something long and solid (??) right now and I could use some advice 😬 if you have any

Gah I'm not sure if I have any advice, really 😳 The best thing to do, really, is just to plan it. Like, this is how it starts, this is how it ends, and for it to end this way, in the middle I must have x, y, and z.

1.) Write down a skeleton if you can, in chronological order. If you're like me, as you write it you will find new needs ("this needs to happen, oh and this needs to happen as well") and you can also play around with that ("how about I put some foreshadowing 10 chapters in advance haha for fun").

This is how, for example, the lunch scene at The Salt Plate happened:

Would Bucky, realistically, stick with the fake SHIELD-bought wedding rings for their real wedding? No, he'd get personal ones.

So how do I write that in? Can't just have him pull the rings out of nowhere, can I? Solution: introduce a jewellery store.

Where could we see that first? How about a dinner scene to present some Dochian cuisine, give a shout out to some true and quite crazy European dishes like cock testicle stew and Italian cibero, and the Romanian sarmale and Greek dolmades which is cute and humanises the side-characters, and THEN they have a walk and I can give a nod to Bucky having read The Hobbit as introduced in TFATWS, AND mention a jewellery store too.

I was about 6 chapters ahead when I thought to introduce that scene, so I went back and wrote it in, even if the chapter it was in was already finished. If I were a smart girl, I'd have done it from the start.

So yeah, figure out what you want to happen, and the needs of the scenes present themselves.

2.) I spent a lot of time daydreaming, like just sitting in bed and picturing the scenes of the story one by one. Sometimes, I'd think of specific dialogue too, and at those times in particular I stopped and wrote them down (there are definitely some bits I didn't write down, and of course those are forgotten completely, so always be ready to take notes).

So yeah, daydream a lot, picture it all in your head as a movie, always take notes.

3.) Decide what, if anything, you want to pay a homage to. This will serve as your point of reference, like points of gravity in the story that scenes will revolve around.

For example, I knew I wanted to create an atmosphere of continental Europe, so what does that mean? Beautiful, old, slightly worn-down buildings, big old trees, flocks of nuns, Church bells ringing in the morning, those little porcelain statuettes old ladies always have around the house, great food but also weird food, all of the pastries, fancy alcohol.

And I wanted to present the sort of people I've met, and how I've met them: some old, some young, some thin, some fat, cheerful or generally sad, with whatever aches or illnesses they have in their old age, just present them as human and as valuable as anyone younger or prettier or whatever, and always a joy to be around.

So as I knew I wanted to have these types of things/characters as decorations of the story, I needed to create scenes in which they are presented.

I also wanted to talk about certain topics like, reader and Bucky's sense of worthlessness and their (resulting) reluctance to have children. So how do you present that? You have a dialogue in which, one way or another, reader has to mention it, which pushes Bucky to disagree with her because he sees her as wonderful, which makes him re-think the way he thinks about himself. As an aide for this change in Bucky, I also mentioned the bit in the Church where he saw a young family with a baby and got envious.

I wanted to give Hamelin some scenes where he is also humanised, to emphasise the grey-ness of so-called evil characters. So I put in that scene at the bar, where he comforts reader after she's upset with Bucky (why is she upset? a scene is created as a result), and also their dialogue in the garden (why is she in the garden? again, the need creates the scene).

Now, I'm giving this "vague" sort of advice because what I have found to be most helpful is to start from the end. Start from where you want to get, and see how you get there - because you can get there in a lot of ways. You can have a scene, you can have a dialogue, it's up to you.

4.) Write, then re-write, and re-re-write. As there are several ways to resolve your issue of "how do I show the thing I want to show", and as you have the (smart) idea of writing before you start to post, you have all the time in the world to experiment with how you tell your story. So don't be afraid to write something, only to delete it completely. Don't be afraid to write a scene then notice it doesn't fit there, and move it somewhere else.

As an example: those few paragraphs where Bucky was thinking "She was dull and tender by comparison, a little sensitive and a bit sad, etc.", those whole like 3 or 4 paragraphs of his thinking about her are in Chapter 12, but they were originally in Chapter 5 when he woke up after their first night in the hotel. They were in Ch. 5 for two whole months, but I eventually decided his opinions were too complex for how little he'd known her, so I moved them and did some re-writing to fit everything because both those respective chapters were completed by then.

There are some scenes, I wrote them and decided they were stupid, so I deleted them. I guess I just needed to write them to get them out of my system, and move on.

5.) Do whatever research you need to do for the story, or just use things you know are cool.

For example, there are some videos from a lockpicking YT channel that I found inspirational (they are referenced in the notes on AO3, but I'm talking about this and this and this). I don't remember exactly if I first saw these before I started writing or shortly after, but in any case, it was around the beginning, and I was like "man, I really want to have a scene where I use this", so I created some lock-picking scenes that did that, and also served as scenes of bonding between reader and Bucky. There were lots of other videos I've seen from that channel (it's a great channel) but these are some that fit in the story.

There was also a news article I saw at some point with those breast pastries (also referenced in the respective chapter on AO3), and I wanted to have a scene to show that too, so I created the one at The Fountainsoul 😂 Some scenes, for sure, could fit almost anywhere. Like, I could've introduced the minnuzzi while they were on the cruise and married, but figured the earlier scenes needed a bit more meat.

So whether you do your research around the sort of scene or story you want to tell after you know what story you want to tell, or whether you know some cool or weird facts you want to reference, that can also help you built up the structure of the story, and provide that skeleton of scenes I mentioned.

I know this advice is kind of lousy 😖 You ask me "how do you plan?" and I say "lol just plan". But this is as well as I can put it into words, at least what I used to write, and what I'm still using.

tl;dr: decide what you want to write, and it helps you figure out how to get there and what you need to write

I hope it can help you, my dear! If you need any other help or just to bounce ideas off me, let me know 💗 I will be here for you.

[woogurl]

WOOSAN FANSERVICE

what is real and what is not real? now, a lot of people think woosan is fanservice because how obvious and in your face the are. while i do think they do give very obvious fanservice, i believe with my whole heart that their relationship is very genuine. 

now let’s discuss fanservice, while i do think every company advises their groups to give fanservice and it’s literally ingrained in their minds(kpop idols) on how to give fanservice. whether it’s sexy dancing, acting cute, or passing along a sheet of paper to a member with your mouth, san constantly exposing his sarms.. these are all clear indications of fanservice. i want to be clear, fanservice in my opinion is always obvious. company’s do not emotionally invest in shipping the way you think they do. because why would they invest on giving obvious hints that their idols are dating? especially in a place like korea? their careers would literally be over. it would literally affect everyone in the group, including them and it would not just ruin the group, but any career path they decide to go in in korea. 

so, i’m gonna show you guys the difference between fanservice and genuine reactions when it comes to woosan. 

let’s talk about fanservice.

let’s talk about this whole ass VCR that KQ put together for woosan, it’s clearly fanservice, but i thought it was interesting the way they filmed it. the way this was filmed was like, they’re each others others other half. which we know they often say this a lot. so my question is the company capitalizing on their relationship or are they supporting? could be both? now, i know it sounds crazy as the most important thing for every company is to make money. even though this does not exclude KQ, i’ve noticed that ateez has a lot more freedom than other kpop artist. they let them eat as much as they want, they spoil them with presents all the time which is proven with their vlogs. they give their idols freedom to speak on things, like hongjoong really says what he wants. especially when he wants to give atiny a reality check. lol. they also give them creative freedom, allowing hongjoong to speak on such a heated topic like race during his black and white cover is really something. but are they still a company whose best interest is to make money? yes. let’s talk about some other moments during the tour.

these moments were all during the tour, the woosan umbrellas, the hand holding the making hearts with each other and even the most obvious one of all which is the one where they had to promote the hats for the tour and KQ picked woosan to do it. ya’know, very cute, but also clearly fanservice. lol. though, there’s an interesting moment, which i don’t think is fanservice, and that moment was during the time woo hugged seonghwa and jongho was like san’s gonna get jealous, and san was like no no, even tho he looked so jelly(you can find a lot of these moments on the yt channel skzo planet, credit to them, they’re great.)  let’s continue. let’s talk about the asmr/lie detector video on yt. which i consider less obvious fanservice because people tend to think these moments are not planned. i know why am i taking the best moments awayyyyyyy. ;c

it’s clear that KQ understands that woosan is the most popular ship, because they have them go on these programs together which highlights their chemistry and interactions together. i think a lot of these moments here are fanservice but i also think they’re genuine. like their moment afterward where they have a deep conversation about their feelings. while i do think the company sets these up to capitalize off their relationship, i don’t think it’s to the point where they give them a script to read and say, “hey, memorize this script” no no. lmfao. if there’s one thing the company’s understand completely is that fans want real human beings. not robots. which is why vlive exist. it’s also one of the reasons kpop is preferred from western pop. they understand that fans love real people and genuine reactions between their fans. so you have to remember that. i think they just seized an opportunity to capitalize off their ship or support, who knows? they seem very grateful towards their company.

here’s the lie detector one, obviously, the company sets these up. which i think is ultimately a fanservicey move. but again, i don’t think the company gives them any script to read these are just their genuine feelings. in which san said woo is his other half and that he would literally give his kidney away for him. the company sets these circumstances up, but they do this to highlight their relationship. the company has them do many things together, but i honestly do not think they force them to pretend to act like bestfriends. i mean that’s just outrageous. lol. 

yup, i have to go there, yes, i’m going to take away everything you’ve ever loved away from you, because this is obvious fanservice. the stares, the sexy sexy dancing tHE STARES. listen, these people are well-trained professionals, never forget that. they know what fans want. while i do think this dance is probably the most common of fanservice for woosan stans i don’t think the reactions are fanservice. there’s just some moments where woo gets really shy and flustered. because i do think san makes him genuinely shy because this boy can be very tense and reek of pure devilish and demonic behavior. woo is someone who has a very commanding presence and demanding personality, and he seems fearless and shameless at times, but there are plenty of moments of san making woo completely flustered and nervous with a simple look. which i think is genuine since discomfort is very noticeable because it’s almost always an immediate reaction to something.

now let’s talk about genuine interactions (a lot of these were probably mentioned in my woosan relationship analysis).

let’s talk about their relationship in general, outside the cameras, that already ultimately prove that their relationship isn’t fanservice. now something that we learned a while back during the christmas vlive with the woosansang drama(i’ve done a post about this). is that woo and san hang out so much with each other that the other members are jealous. obviously, this has nothing to do with the company. they just genuinely hang around each other because they like each other. we know this to be true because the members explicitly say this and have mentioned before. i also did a post where woo mentioned san at least 5-7 times during a vlive with jongho. 

they literally spent the whole day together guys, like you just don’t spend that much time with somebody you don’t like. there’s a bunch of kpop groups with ships who don’t even hang out in real life. they’re literally hanging out with members you least expect them to be. lmfao. it just shows you that the reality is that most kpop ships are not real. because to me, it’s obvious that they aren’t that close irl and that’s the most important factor here. i wanna talk about some other important moments in the woosansang vlive.

there talking about real circumstances here, and yeosangs grievances with woo, ‘cause he feels sad that yeosang doesn’t hang around him anymore. this happened a few months ago. so don’t worry.

mingi said that this was a private conversation that he had with yeosang, so again these are private matters. just in case you don’t know company’s do not like discord in the group, which is why they freaked out during the recent vlive when mingi didn’t have yeosang’s number even though i don’t even have my siblings number. loool.

this is what yunho said when woo wanted him to go to the bathroom with him, and he was sulky ‘cause he only hung out with san. now let’s move onto how clingy they are. 

let’s start with san’s vlog, yes, i said san’s vlog(side eye’s woo). 

this vlog, that was supposed to be san’s, included moments with woo, more so than the other members. they even ate together, and they often do eat together from what i can tell. woo says he goes out to eat with san to relieve stress. he also called him during that time on vlive with yeosang to go out with him. which is why i thought the call was genuine, because they always seem to eat together. i mean the call wasn’t even on speaker and the fact that woo used aegyo with him is also telling to me. do you think the company sets them on dinner dates to please the fandom? lol. no there are other moments of them clinging and you can find them throughout my other posts. but i just wanted to stress that they’re not clingy for fanservice, they’re this way because they’re naturally close and intimate in real life. i have never seen a kpop ship share this type of intimacy.

here’s another moment, where they went out to eat together, mind you they were asking seonghwa if he was happy to join them as if they were an already married couple. i wanna add the moments here with seonghwa wanting to join woosan, and them being like “no” or “we’ll think” about it, but i’ll leave that for my woosanhwa analysis. 

let’s talk about the fact that they created their own ship name, and them being happy about it because i honestly don’t think that if they were not okay with it and the company was forcing it, they wouldn’t milk it for all it was worth.

let’s talk about the ship name and the thousands of other stuff the’ve come up with. could the company have come up with woosan, possibly, but you can’t convince they sat a round table discussing the thousands of handshakes they’ve come up with. you also can’t convince me that the company made woo go online to find a special meanings for a friend that stays with you forever(amicus ad aras). as i said before the company isn’t as invested as you all may think they are. the second one is literally them introducing themselves as woosan to some poor person recording them. like you can’t tell me that they aren’t proud to be woosan. now i know a lot of people get annoyed on twitter because some fans don’t know how not to mention woo without san when he’s doing a solo live (death stare at those fans). but the thing is it just goes to show that they’re comfortable enough with the ship that people can tell that it’s genuine. are there some moments where they’re uncomfortable sure? but is it the company’s fault. i don’t think so, i think it’s the fans(some shippers) that require them not to be their own person. esp woo. 

the stares, to me, the eyes never lie, and most people realize this, even people who’ve only had a gentle bump into the fandom notice the way the look at each other. even in the recent vlive, but you can tell woo tends to avoid san’s stare. even though woo wants to seem comfortable around san to not make it seem obvious, it’s very obvious that he makes an effort not to. i literally had an online friend that ships vkook ask if they were close during the recent vlive because woo never looked at san. xD lol. which is another strong point i want to make. while there are some moments of woo clinging to san on camera. most of the time he does it off camera. i don’t think the company asked to look like they were in love but here we are. one last thing is...

is their trip to jeju, in which seonghwa coicidentally went as well. now this is a family vacation where all the members went with their respective families. now, a lot of you may not know but during a fansign woosan planned a trip to jeju. seonghwa just happened to be there with his family as well. lol. i wanted to mention this because obv the company doesn’t really have any say in the matter. but also because i mean they’re on vacation together. like do you know how many groups are desperate to be on vacation away from each other? lmfao. like nah woosan planned to go on vacation together. while seonghwa talked a lot about it, woo did not and continued brushing it off which makes me wonder....

anyway, that’s it.

oh, here’s a bonus for you greedy ones.

i wanna mention a moment that i thought was interesting. which was a game they played on kbs a few moments ago. they were given a penalty to kiss each other. which is obv fanservice, but i do think reactions matter. as soon as it’s mentioned san’s eyes automatically go to woo? he doesn’t have much time to think about it, his body just reacts, why woo tho hmmm san? 

now, i wanna also mention the moment after, which a lot of people were confused by. like why is he touching himself like that so suddenly? lol. so what i think is happening is that san is “preening”. he’s experiencing nervous excitement and he’s stroking himself. when your attracted to someone your skin becomes sensitive. esp your lips and it feels good to touch. 

woo also whined and hit mingi out of jealousy. lmfao. 

anyway. that’s it.

[mc-critical]

Asking because I’ve seen you say it on here: What is it that you disliked about Mahifiruze and Aysë as characters (writing or otherwise?)

It's not a problem of sympathy alone, because while these characters have quite a few offputting qualities and have certainly done some heinous deeds, it would be unfair to judge them only by that. There are way worse people in the franchise, which turn me off way more, after all. (*cough* MCK Turhan *cough*) Sympathy-wise, I'm overally ambivalent towards both Ayşe and Mahfiruze and if we only take that into account, I can take or leave them. It's their writing, however, where things take a different turn. Almost everything went wrong there.

The critical problem I find with both of the characters is that they're engrained in one and the same character archetype the writers refuse to get them out of. That brings harm not only to their characterization and the way they're built up, but also to the sympathy we're supposed to feel for them, because, more often than not, it didn't have a ground to stand on. It's true that archetypes often risk to make a character bland and one-dimensional, but the way they went with it is strange and unfortunate, because this all could've been averted quickly.

Magnificent Century's character core is mostly built on archetypes of a soapy drama and Magnificent Century: Kösem seemed to be following that trend. I understand that choice, in a way, because well, it could've just been easier for them, they could've thought they would win their former MC audience once again, playing it "familiar" and "safe". Thing is, the whole franchise overally does pretty well with archetypes: they either subvert them, deconstruct them or break them entirely later, either (in the case of MCK where we saw many previously established MC archetypes) use them with some core conceptual changes and a different theme in mind, which, as far as writing goes, worked very well with many characters. (see: Dervish - Ibrahim; Dilruba - Mihrimah; Atike - Mihrimah; Davud - Rustem, etc.) The thing is though, the writers didn't give Ayşe and Mahfiruze any of that and their archetypes felt like they only were in the beggining line, going almost nowhere beyond that and making the characters feel very often as cardboard cutouts as a result. They're going with archetypes, but they somehow give only a single fraction of these archetypes to figures that play a relatively big role in the story.

Comparisons to other usages of the character archetype of Mahfiruze and Ayşe's help even less, because everything now not only turned out to be a bad concept, but and a shaky, underdeveloped attempt at something done way better before. Mahfiruze and Ayşe both fit in Mahidevran's early season 1 archetype - the rejected, jealous woman, previously valued and loved by the Sultan, which loses everything quickly, planning and ready to do anything to take the rival down, including petty sneers, irrational decisions and will for murder. But even at its worst, Mahidevran's characterization was balanced overall, having moments where we could sympathize or condemn her respectively and had character fleshing out come to the surface as often as the reducement to this one sole archetype, which was lacking severely in Ayşe and Mahfiruze. I'll talk about the similarities they share with Mahidevran only briefly when I analyze them, because I'm admittedly very biased when it comes to this (especially with the double standarts I encounter with the YT comments, where the same people judge Mahidevran and Ayşe by the exact same metric and yet, they love one and can trash the other all day, eh.) and I don't want that to take over the topic at hand so much.

Mahfiruze has the problems I listed above to a much lesser extent than Ayşe, but that doesn't mean they're not present at all. She has a very familiar character role and personality - she is a mother to the eldest heir of the throne and gives jabs and insults to her rival. And.. that's all there is. It's undeniable than Dilara Aksuek's Mahfiruze definetly had a tough act to follow, since the former Mahfiruz screamed potential and promise the latter character was expected to fulfill, but they did the barest possible minimum. (and I don't think Dilara's a bad actress by any means: she acted amazingly in the show Istambullu Gelin as Ipek, an arguably similar and much better written character.) It definitely felt as more of a regression than a progression, because Mahfiruze had no fleshing out or development at all. Her meanness to Kösem seemed central to her character, she barely had any interactions with the rest of the cast and what is worse, used her as a plot device for a plot-line with Ahmet's enemies and then when her role was fulfilled, they.. killed her off just like that without any warning or elaboration. She was the very definition of a one-dimensional obstacle to Kösem that seemed to exist only for the sake to be an obstacle to Kösem. It was as if she didn't matter. And when she did, it was only as a narrative instrument to stir the conflict between Kösem and Osman (which I find very interesting, but I feel it would've been way more impactful if Mahfiruze wasn't only... this.) It was as if the writers ran out of stuff to do with her, which is a very lazy copout for me, because she could've had interesting storylines, if only they just wished to "shake up" the traits of her archetype for a bit.

Ayşe's character is where this repetitive problem shines through the brightest. We can argue that the love triangle plot and Farya's Mary Sue stance ruined it all for her from the get go, but for me, the foundation of her character is what truly did. Ayşe wasn't used simply as a plot device as much, she wasn't even underutilized at all, she was put into an archetype which undermines how different she is as a character in practice and the greatly dissimilar circumstances she's under. They tried to fit Mahidevran's S01 archetype in an environment it would never do in the first place. It not only becomes a stagnant, more over exaggerated repetition of a concept and forces unnecessary drama to prop another character up, it way too often puts a sole angle of Ayşe's character into focus, making Farya the center of her writing. Not to mention that for long, we didn't have a cohesive reason to root for her, her early love for Murat being the thing that was the least fleshed out about her and could make her too obsessive and yandere at times. Her interactions are criminally underdeveloped, as well, and unlike Mahfiruze, that could honestly be cut shorter except for Osman, they were something Ayşe desperately needed. We got only hints of her relationship with Kösem, Silahtar and Gevherhan and that was far from enough. Most of her scenes were either with her maid or Farya. Her alliances with Gülbahar and Sinan respectively were... fine interarion-wise, to be honest, but writing-wise, they only enforced the fairly consistent endorsement of the soapy aspect of her character beyond any measure.

Now, I can't doubt the development in her later episodes, where the writing admittedly improved. I'll always love her scene before the death of Gevherhan and her message to Murat, because that's the Ayşe I wish I saw more often. The self-awareness she gained of how Murat screwed her over was amazing and something I wish happened more gradually and over the span of more episodes. But it was all somehow "too little, too late" for me and it didn't completely save her messy writing. And it's a crime, because Ayşe played a much bigger role than Mahfiruze in the narrative, she was basically a main character and she got robbed of a good, organic fleshing out and arc.

Ayşe was the most egregious example of the severe flawed writing of repetitive archetypes and catch me forever mad about it, because she could've been much more. It's a mistake that had no business being there at all. And it was anyway.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Gladly | Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Modern AU

Summary: you receive an unexpected call while on a very well-needed vacation.

Request: do you listen to asmr boyfriend roleplay (on yt)? Some of them would be great as fics.

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, surely language, fluff, mentions of panic and anxiety, like a single sexual mention.

Based off these YouTube videos: one two | Gif credit @sebastiansource

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Slipping his cellphone into his back pocket, Bucky took a seat on a stool. The bar wasn’t too crowded anymore yet the snippets of chatter, the clinking of glasses and the sounds of pool balls clashing livened up the place.

Sam and Steve hadn’t stopped teasing him since he said he’d call his friend. Sam couldn’t shut up about it, making question after question.

“You guys aren’t going to let this go, huh?” Bucky sighed heavily, motioning for them to allow him to take his shot. His friends watched him in expectancy. “Man,” he sighed. “Yes, I have feelings for her.”

“I knew it!”

“Shut up, Wilson,” Bucky barked.

Steve stifled a laugh, “I did too, Buck.”

“Is it that obvious?” He asked, scared of their answer. Both his friends nodded their heads. “I hope she hasn’t noticed, she’s my best friend! No offense to you guys but she’s... just different.”

Bucky asked for a beer, wanting to have something in his hands, needing it before going insane. Steve must’ve known what it meant because he stopped Sam from pressuring Bucky to continue speaking. Once the bottle was in his grasp and he had taken a sip, he told them the rest.

“I can be actually me with her and not feel like I have to hold back like how I am right now with you but better because with her it happens always and I’ve never felt that with other people, that’s a big reason why I like her. I’m comfortable being me, she makes me like myself and it doesn’t feel right if I don’t talk to her, if I don’t see her....”

“Why don’t you tell her?” Steve inquired as to if the solution was in Bucky’s hands. Oh, how Bucky wished.

Every time people said the two of you should date he had to play coy when the only thing he wanted was to tell you that he was up for it if you wanted, that he wanted to give you the world if you let him. If only it was that easy.

“I don’t wanna ruin what we have, Stevie. It’s a good thing. Imagine if she doesn’t feel the same?” Bucky changed his voice to emphasize, “hey, best friend who I wanna secretly make out with! Light of my eyes! Highlight of my existence!” He traced the bottle up and down with his index and middle fingers, catching its sweat. “You see what I’m getting at here? I’ve thought of laying it all out on the table and just— I’m scared of losing her. It’s my worst nightmare. We have a good connection, why would I do anything to jeopardize that when she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me?” He choked up at the end, inwardly cursing for opening up that much.

“You okay?” Steve and Sam asked at the same time.

“I’m fine,” Bucky rasped, “I’m gonna take a cab home.” He withdrew his cellphone, sobering up upon looking at the screen “shit! Oh, fuck!”

“What did you do, dumbass?”

“Shut the fuck up, Wilson!” He exclaimed, in panic.

Fuck, how he could be so dumb to butt-dial you? Putting the phone on his ear, he swallowed saliva. “Uh... hi.” A nervous laugh escaped him. “Uhm, how much of that did you hear?”

You sat up on the bed, placing your free hand on your chest as the beating of your heart thickened to the point where you were 40% sure you were in the brink of a panic attack out of how much adrenaline was pumping through your veins. Still, you confessed, “all of it.

“Great,” he gritted, “fucking great.”

“Is it true?” You mumbled the question, not wanting to get ideas into your head.

“Every word,” he breathed.

“Say it.”

“Say what?”

“How you feel,” you instructed him, looking up at the yellow sunray hitting the ceiling due to the window’s angle.

Bucky breathed a laugh, “I’m in love with you.”

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Bucky cursed under his breath. He was the biggest dumbass he knew, not even Sam was at his level of stupidity. He was sure now the spectrum for dumbassery would be from one to Bucky and he had to learn how to live with it.

He always forgot to do things, you often told him he needed to be more organized — he was getting better but he had a long way to go. He should’ve bought that spare phone charger to keep in the car like you had told him to, he also should’ve changed his car’s battery like you also had told him to. And because he hadn’t done what you told him, because he was a dumbass, you were trapped in the middle of nowhere in a dead car.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, closing the door as he got back into the car, “I imagine this isn’t how you wanted your night back to go.”

You let out a small laugh, “it’s okay.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No, it’s not your fault.”

He shrugged, “I dunno, part of me thinks you are. At least I am mad at myself.”

“That’s enough punishment, Bucky. Besides, the night is nice.”

It truly was, the weather wasn’t too chilly nor warm at all. Although you were in the middle of nowhere you weren’t bothered, you never got to be surrounded by so much nature, there were even fireflies that you hadn’t seen since you were a teenager.

There wasn’t anyone you would rather be stuck in the middle of nowhere than with Bucky. It probably was a good thing that you were, that way the topic couldn’t be avoided.

You had been anxious to get back after his call. You still didn’t quite believe it to be true, what could he have seen in you? A part of you thought he had been talking about someone else and had lied to you to spare your feelings — it wouldn’t be the first time someone feigned being attracted to you, that seemed to be a common experience in fat folks.

“Are we acknowledging the elephant in the room?”

Bucky stuttered, swallowing the excess of saliva he had started producing out of nervousness when the car died. “I was hoping you wouldn’t want to talk about that. I’m scared of what’s going to happen if we do.”

“Why? What do you want?”

“What do you mean?”

You clarified, “what do you want from me?”

“It’s... hard not to think about you. I don’t mean it sexually— I mean,” he huffed, “that too, but I’m talking about your feelings. What you want, what you need, how awkward this is, do you hate me? Are you moving out of the country because you don’t want to have me near you? I wouldn’t blame you—“ he stopped himself to take a breath, he was sure you wouldn’t judge him.

Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he had been so nervous, the first time he had to go to the doctor by himself was close, after all, he remembered being terrified, but that had been different. His happiness hadn’t depended on that, or the most important person in his life, or his motivation to put up with himself and others. It wasn’t always easy for him to stay focused, how messy the world was didn’t help, but you always had a way of encouraging him — to be better, kinder, more patient, to sometimes not be too selfless, to give his best.

“I wanna be your boyfriend,” he dared to let it out. All of it. “I want to do cute coupley shit with you, hold your hand, have my arm around you all the time, kiss the back of your hand while we drive like in the movies and go on dates and do romantic stuff for you. Prepare a candlelit dinner that I cooked myself after I put up with Sam’s cooking lessons because my cuisine sucks at the moment. And like... drive you to work or pick you up from work and go visit your parents with you and cuddle you at night and...” he breathed in, deeply, hoping he hadn’t fucked it all up. “That’s what I want.”

“I want that too,”

“Don’t just say that, (Y/N). You don’t have to spare my feelings.”

“James,” you said sternly. He finally looked at you in the eyes. “I want you. I feel the same way as you.”

“Since when?!” He blurted.

“Since the beginning.” Who wouldn’t have fallen for him upon merely meeting him? Bucky was gorgeous and so nice one thought to be dreaming when in his presence.

“Are you fucking kidding me? All this time all I had to do was tell you?”

You nodded, pursing your lips to keep your laugh in for you didn’t want him to think you were making fun of him.

“I was too scared to tell you how I felt. I love you, being friends is awesome but this is not platonic love, it hasn’t been for a long time. I figured that if I fucked it up there was no going back and I didn’t want to lose you, that’s why I waited so long”

“You technically didn’t—“

He shushed you. “I know, I know it was an accident. Don’t remind me. I think I’m gonna pass out soon from the adrenaline I’m feeling, is that normal? I just feel so happy!”

“Are you drunk again?”

“No. I am always happy with you but right now I’m at another level.” He said it easily like he was talking about the weather.

You marveled at it. How open he was with you — you shouldn’t have been surprised after everything you had heard him say to and about you, yet there you were in sheer awe of how comfortable he was around you, how free.

He cleared his throat. “Uhmmm... this might be awkward, and you can say no, but can I kiss you?” You nodded, saying yes verbally. Bucky continued talking, “ I’ve been nonstop thinking about kissing you since I saw you get off the plane. Are you sure? You’re not doing this just to patronize me?”

You were about to explode. “Kiss me already, Barnes.”

He leaned in, hovering over the console of the car. Bucky placed his hand on the side of your face, he had the intention of teasing you but he didn’t have the patience himself at that moment. He covered your lips with his, heavily so, devouring your mouth as he kissed you with everything he had to give. You kissed back as passionately, taking him by the collar of his jacket.

“Does this mean we’re a thing now? I don’t know,” he asked through a huff, “I wasn’t expecting this to happen. I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I did not plan for this.”

“Just kiss me again.”

“Gladly.”

[renlimotroll]

BinTRoLL guidelines!!

Today, I tried to translate (with the help of some friends) the Bintroll guidelines. I've always been meaning to do it but I always forget. 😅 Please read below!

-ABOUT-

■ What is BinTRoLL?

It's a laid-back Let's Play group launched by Siruko.

We won't do anything else but to have fun playing.

We said we won't so we won't.

-GUIDELINES-

■ A Request From BinTRoLL

Please refrain from using BinTRoLL's copyrighted works (videos, images, etc.) beyond the scope of private use.

Let's keep good manners and have fun interacting and creating.

■ About voice actor Hanae Natsuki and Hanae Natsuki channel videos

It is not under the category of the BinTRoLL guidelines.

Please follow the rules of the person himself or of Across Entertainment to which he belongs to.

-Q&A-

These are the questions and answers that have been given so far.

Please take note that we may post the questions from everyone as they are.

Q: What is the extent of private use, distribution and sales? 

A: There are no strict rules as to what private use may entail,

You can make it yourself and enjoy it privately, give it to your family and friends as a present, publish the pictures (images) on your personal SNS such as Twitter, and so on.

Regarding distribution, it refers to the unspecified number of third parties that has been licensed.

Regarding sales, it refers to the act of making profit such as money.

Q: I want to create derivative works using the characters of BinTRoLL.

A: There are basically no restrictions. We look forward to your masterpiece.

Q: I want to distribute and sell doujin works.

A: There are basically no restrictions on doujinshi and doujin goods,

Please refrain from distributing or selling official works or works that can be mistaken as official ones.

Q: I want to create works that partially uses official works such as tracing, printing, and clipping of videos.

A: There is no problem as long as it is for private use without distribution or selling.

Q: Are BL and Ero-Guro safe?

A: BinTRoLL members stated that they don't particularly mind being the subjects (of such works).

However, some viewers may be underage or uncomfortable with it, so,

It would be helpful if you refrain from including R18 elements in public as much as possible.

Q: Why the sudden guidelines?

A: Because we didn't establish our policies, it caused our viewers to have some conflict of opinions.

BinTRoLL doesn't want viewers to feel uncomfortable.

We have created guidelines so that you can have as much fun as possible without worrying about anything.

Click this for the original post!

Author’s Notes:

*Definition of some terms:

Derivative works- anything (like fanarts or fanfiction stories) that has copyrightable elements

Doujin works- you may have heard of doujinshi! 同人 (doujin) literally means 'people of shared interests', so doujinshi means a self-published magazine that caters to a specific group of people. Bintroll used the term 同人作品 (doujin sakuhin).

Ero-Guro- エログロ (eroguro) is a Japanese term based on the english words 'erotic' and 'grotesque'. It mainly refers to works that has elements of horror/gore and sexy/erotic scenes.

*Some additional information: (these are my own words based on previous statements from BinTRoLL)

× Please refrain from DM-ing Siruko-san, as he has said that important messages get pushed down.

× Depending on the streamer's rules, it causes some conflict when you mention BinTRoLL names in other streams. For example, Mintosu-san has strict rules about mentioning other streamers, but Limone-sensei doesn't mind. However, some fans may feel uncomfortable if other streamers are mentioned in the stream they are watching (ex: "Siruko-san started streaming now!", "Siruko-san did this and that!") It's a difficult area to navigate, so for me I'd rather not mention BinTRoLL in other streams as a general courtesy. If the streamer brings it up, it's all good. Still, it depends on the streamer themselves.

× Try not to ask too personal questions. Out of all of them, Siruko-san is the most likely to answer personal questions, but other members? Not so much. Try not to ask Siruko-san for other member's personal information too. A good rule of thumb is to let the members bring up the information then follow up on it rather than outright asking them (do not DM for the love of gods!)

× Believe it or not, people do actually ship BinTRoLL members (like me! teehee!) Some post FAs and fanfiction (believe me, I’ve seen both Japanese and Korean ones) Bintroll shipping is termed "nmmn" in japanese; it’s kinda like they're not just 2D charas and they're real, so shipping is hidden and found only by fujoshi fans. Of course we know it’s just our imaginations, and we know the limitations and boundaries. There’s a thin line of shipping real people, and we know better than to cross the line. That’s why I started this tumblr, after all, because I can never comment on YT or tweet so much about shipping, especially that public. All my shipping posts will be tagged as such and will have warnings, so you can steer clear of that. But just so you know, BinTRoLL said it’s fine to make BL, so if anyone comes to me criticizing my shipping posts, I’ll slap the BinTRoLL guidelines in their face. 😆

× Please, and I cannot stress this enough, do not pressure the members to appear. Remember, they do streaming for fun; they do have lives and work outside of this. I get what you feel, you have a favorite member and you want to see that member all the time, or you want to see them in complete attendance, but don't be greedy. I've been a fan long enough to always see questions like, "Where is this member?" or "This member hasn't appeared in a long time." and some push it to the extreme and DM BinTRoLL (yikes!!) Let the members appear when they want to and be content with it.

Let me tell you my observations. Mintosu-san is not the type to talk about himself, so you might notice he only appears to play games. He has his own MCup with his fans every Saturday too. Then, there was a time when Ichihachi-san was busy with his real life (I call it The Great 18san Drought), and during that hiatus many fans always asked where he was. Even Hakotaro-san gets these questions, and he is the type to prefer working behind-the-scenes.

Now, let me tell you why it's better to let them be from my past experiences. Whenever Mintosu-san appears in the videos, the feeling of great joy from the surprise is amazing. It's like, "Hallelujah! YATTA!!" When Ichihachi-san came back, everyone had a field day and kept rejoicing. It was a party! When you, out-of-nowhere, hear Hakotaro-san's greeting during a livestream, you'll just suddenly go "AAAAAH!!!" and it's the best feeling ever. The feeling of being pleasantly surprised is nice, because you don't expect anything so you were never disappointed. It's better this way, trust me. After all, everyone performs better if they're not pressured, and BinTRoLL are people too like us, so it's better to let them do their own thing and enjoy whatever content we get.

× Siruko-san has mentioned that it's okay to comment or chat in English (or any language), which is great for us international fans! He said that he's not that good in English (although I believe he's good enough) that he may not always understand it though. However, and these are my own opinions, please remember this before chatting and commenting in English.

Use simple english that's easy enough to understand.

Do not use sarcasm. It does not translate well.

Always, always be polite. Choose your words carefully.

Why do I say this? Sometimes I see English spams and I cringe. The difference between cultures can be great sometimes, and Japanese is known for the politest way of speaking, and they are often straightforward with their words. It's better to be careful than accidentally offending someone, right?

× Regarding distribution and sales of official works, this may be a gray area and it's difficult to explain. For example, you can use BinTRoLL character images which are the intellectual property of the creator Hakotaro-san and by extension of Bintroll, to tweet or even to screenshot and DM it to other people to discuss. You can also clip video highlights and share them on your sns. I think that the moment you profit from it, for example, selling keychains and mugs with official Bintroll art, or re-uploading whole Bintroll videos on youtube or other video-sharing websites, is where you violate the rules. As long as your use is for community-base and personal use, you're safe, but when you gain something official from it (like money or subscribers), that's not allowed.

BinTRoLL members are one of the kindest people ever. Siruko-san always hearts and reads comments on their Youtube, and he also used to like or RT every fanart and even follow back his followers (but he can't do it right now as Twitter almost froze his account). They even read the names of superchat donators at the end of each stream even if they don't really have to (and sometimes it takes hours!) That’s why I hope people won’t abuse their kindness. I hope people follow the guidelines (seriously, it's not that hard) and do not cross the fan line so that we can all get along with each other! In everything you do or say, remember to have manners and be kind, and surely you'll enjoy even more. ^^ 🥰

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me! I may not know everything about Bintroll, but I'll do my best! Let's all follow the rules and guidelines so that we can enjoy all the videos and live streams to the best we can. Have fun watching and interacting! Have a nice day~  🌻 Think before you click!

[a-sweet-violent-urge]

Michael Jackson

Yeah, I know, I know what state the world is in right now but trust me, this post has been a long time coming. I just never got around to write it. And I’m sitting down to do it now because I’ve been locked at home for a week so I guess it’s now or never. 

One look at my blog will tell you that I very rarely post personal stuff on here. I just reblog things and sometimes express opinions about my fav shows but that’s it. But I’m gonna get personal now.

I guess now’s the time to point out that I’m also not the most eloquent person around so to anyone reading, this might seem a bit all over the place, you’ve been warned. 

The last few months have been really hard for me and my family. My father died last December. I still can’t wrap my head around it. I was used to not having him around at home, he was always working, you know, to bring money home, and now.. I ... I think of him as not home, not gone. Don’t know if that makes sense. You’re probably wondering what does this have to do with Michael Jackson? I’ll get to that, be patient with me. 

Anyone who really knows me, and to be honest this is not a lot of people, I’m introverted, knows that listening to music is how I deal with things. I remember being a senior in high school, we were doing a speaking exercise in my English class, and my teacher asked us what influenced us the most in life, like, what helped shape our view on life and the world.  When it was my turn to answer, I said that it was music and the artists I listened to. The rest of the group (I’m saying group not class for a reason, but I don’t want to go into that much detail) probably thought it was weird, they talked about their friends and family. But this was the truth for me. It still is. The music I listen to (along with the books I read) is what has influenced me the most in life, it’s what made me the person I am today. This is the reason why I’ve always hated talking about music, my favorite music has always been something very personal to me. I’ve always hated the question who’s your favorite artist. People would think it’s an easy one to answer but it’s not, not to me

This is where I start to talk about Michael. He was one of those artists (who influenced me) but I only realize that now, in retrospect. Actually, around the time I answered that question, the artists I meant were 30STM, or Linkin Park, MCR or whatever the hell I listened to back then. 

I think the first time I listened to MJ intentionally was sadly after he died. I was born in September 1994, so I was not 15 yet. Up until that point, MJ was just a name in my head. I knew he was a singer, I knew what he looked like (’cause who didn’t or doesn’t), I know what he was very famous (though I had no idea why), I had heard songs, of course, though I didn’t really realize they were MJ songs. And despite all of that, me not knowing basically anything about him, I remember how hard his death hit me. I don’t know why. I felt like my fav artist had died, I felt like I had lost someone. To this day I can’t explain to myself why. I remember in what room I was when I heard the news. I watched the memorial and cried my eyes out. 

After that, I decided to listen to his music. I listened to a lot of it and for a month or two, (or probably more, I don’t really remember) I listened mostly to him. I learnt more and more things about him. Like, about his philanthropic work, about the allegations (I’ll talk about that later), actually I remember being like 10 and watching the trial being covered on the news here. Songs like The way you make me feel, Dirty Diana, Give into me quickly became my favorites. But I remember the first times I heard Man in the Mirror, Earth song, Heal the Word, We are the World. And especially Man in the Mirror. The lyrics If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change had become like my motto in life and I didn’t even realise it until the past few months. I realized that often when I had to make a choice about something, those lyrics would pop up in my head. When I saw or read something about the environmental problems that we’re facing, Earth song ended up popping in my head. Yeah, MJ had helped shape my view on certain things and I didn’t even know then.

After my 2009 MJ phase, I hardly ever listened to him. I would listen to some songs from time to time when the mood struck me, but that was it. 

Fast forward to October/November 2019. I was on YT and I ended up listening to some MJ songs., it was one of those times when the mood struck me, and I was going through the comment section (as I always do) while listening, and I noticed people commenting about .. a certain documentary. I don’t even want to say its name. So I was like what the fuck has happened and I looked it up. My initial reaction was seriously, this again?

Ok, I’ll go back to 2009 for a bit. When I got into MJ 11 years ago, as I mentioned earlier, I read about the allegations, I remembered even seeing it on the news as I said. But he was found not guilty. It was good enough for me. I didn’t think much about it. I didn’t care much about it. Plus he had just died. Nobody had one bad word to say about him. Ironic, huh? Also, I couldn’t do research even if I wanted to. I was young, I didn’t really speak English that well, and honestly, in the last few months I realized that when it comes to Michael Jackson, the truth is buried under so many false stories and dare I say, blatant lies, that you need an excavator to dig it out. I’m putting this in bold, in case a none MJ fan reads this, if you want to find the truth, know what you’re getting yourself into. Anyway, I couldn’t even fully appreciate some songs, because you need context to fully understand them, and I didn’t have that context then. 

Fast forward to 2019 again. So I found out about you-know-what and I started reading about it and watching videos, educating myself on the matter. In other words, I had gone down the rabbit hole. But it was not just that what sparked my interest in Michael. I noticed something. Something many people were writing in the comment section of different. Michael was an angel. Michael is/was love. What would have Michael done (about whatever) if he was alive? I was like what?! Look, I have spend my life fangirling over different celebrities and I had never seen people saying things like that. And this was the moment, I asked myself the question, why was this person so famous and so loved by so many people from all over the world? Why HIM? Yes, he was immensely talented but that applies to a lot of artists. So why Michael? Now I know why. If you’re a fan reading this, you know why, too. If you’re not, go figure it out on your own. 

It’s funny how a movie filled with not even clever lies, made so Michael’s name could one more time be run through the dirt, made me his fan (ugh, I hate that word, I almost feel like it has a negative connotation nowadays). Made me more than just a fan. If you remember, I started this post by saying that my father passed away in December. It all happened very fast, in less then 3 months, he wasn’t sick and then he was, and then, before we even knew it, he was gone. I was in the room when he died. So you see in what period of my life Michael’s music entered my life again. In a period when I needed a little light, something to keep the faith. In those months (and even now, more than 3 months later) Michael’s art was my lifeline. Keep the faith, Gone too soon, Had enough, Will you be there, Little Susie and so on. 

Here are some lyrics that really hit me hard

The feeling of terror she felt as a youth Has turned from a fantasy into the truth (Scared of the moon)

I drowned my pain in his music. His love, his kindness and generosity reminded me of my purpose in life. I won’t go into details about what I experienced because this already got more personal than I’m comfortable with. Plus, my vocabulary is not good enough to do it justice. I’ll finish with this. I’m in complete awe of him and the things he did. Like, yesterday I found out he made a song about sign language. Seeing voices. 

So, that’s my MJ story. I hope it’s comprehensible, you don’t know how hard it was for me to put this into a somewhat coherent narrative. But I really needed to get it off my chest. I probably missed some things that I wanted to say, if I think of something more, I’ll add an edit.

By the way, as you can see, I’m new to the MJ community and I’d love to make some friends, so feel free to message me.