#not to mention she���s already drunk as fuck and trying so very hard to ignore the pain in her chest from oath breaking

[qtsickchiq]

SOMEBODY TO YOU

with Ken Ryuuguji

To lose someone he love is to tear his world apart. Losing someone is like losing hope of having a sane life, when he’s standing at the edge of sanity. It is like walking up to the stairs to his bedroom in the dark and thinking that there is one more stair than there is. His foots falls down, through the air, and there’s a sickly moment of dark surprise as he try and readjust the way he thought of things. He tries to pull himself together but the cuts stay fresh forever.

“It has been 12 years….”

“It is alright, Draken. You can cry I’m right here. Always here for you.” You whisper, taking a seat beside him.

“It has been 12 years since Emma’s death.” Draken swallows the lump in his throat, looking up at the night sky.

“I know.”

You met Ryuguji Ken during your middle school years. It was the first day on your new school when you accidentally bumped into the tall blonde man who was walking at the hallway with his short friend.

“Watch out where you’re going.”

“I’m sorry.” You whine as you rub the back of your neck nervously, eyebrows pulled together in a clear show of apology.

“It’s fine. Are you alright though?” He asked concern in his eyes as he stared at you.

You still remember the moment as if it was yesterday. Ever since that day, you would greet him every time you bump into him, giving him a smile and a wave. It didn’t take long for you to start hanging out with him and Mikey. You stay friend with him throughout the years. Honestly, you have been in love with him ever since you met him but a thought of confessing to him never crossed your mind. He loves Emma and Emma loves him. Draken only see you as his friend and not more than that. You respect that hence the reason you push away the thought of confessing your feeling to him.

You were there with him after Emma’s funeral, comforting him and letting him your shoulders to cry on. When Mikey left him, you were there to pick him up and snap him out of his dissociation. You’ve always been with him throughout these years. Draken always show his smile and his strong personality when he’s with his friends. But you could see past that, you could see a lot of pain behind his eyes, and notice the brokenness in his smile. You have seen him crying countless time and you don’t mind it. He has no one left and he needs you. It’s too hard for him to bear the pain of losing someone he love. You would accompany him to visit Emma’s grave anytime he needs. Whenever he needs a shoulder to cry on, with only one call away and you’re already there with him.

Draken has tried to do so many things in order for him to move on with life. He has met several women in his life and numerous one night stands but it seems like all of them doesn’t work very well with him. You tried your best to be there for him when he needs you. You would stop by his bike shop to pass him lunches. You are so used to accidentally interrupted Draken with his make out sessions with any random woman at the bike shop.

“Hey Draken, I got your favouri- HEY what the hell?” You quickly turn away closing your eyes with both of your hands. Your face turns bright red from seeing the scene before you.

“Ah Y/n, Just put them on the table there.” He smirks, waving his hand to the woman earlier signing her to leave, while readjusting his collar. You only able nod and smile to the woman as you see her leaving the shop in a hurry. That must be awkward as hell.

It breaks your heart too. No matter how hard you tried to be strong for him, you’re human too and human has feelings. You wish for him to open up to you and give you a chance to be yours. But you quickly push your thoughts away. Who are you again? Yes, you’re his friend. You don’t want to make him uncomfortable with you. You can’t bear losing him in your life. He’s your best friend. Draken has always been there with you from graduating school and to where you are standing now. You can’t imagine a day without seeing him. It’s better this way right? Right?

You are snuggling under your comforter with your hands busy pressing the buttons on the controller of your video game. Suddenly, you phone start ringing. You glance to the device next to you to see who the caller is only to see it was Inui. ‘It must be something related to Draken’ you thought to yourself.

Your brows are knitted upwards in the centre, concern written all over your face as you press the answer button, “Hello?”

“Hey Y/n, Draken is drunk. He keeps on mentioning your name. Sorry but would you mind coming over here and pick him up?” You could hear the loud music booming from the other line. You waste no time as you hurriedly slips on your jacket and ran towards the bar they are having drinks at.

“Oh y/n~ my… hic… my favourite person…is here.” Draken grin widely when he sees you running towards him with Chifuyu and Mitsuya holding him side by side. You catch him in your arms before he stumbles forward.

“I’m so sorry about this.” You bow your head to the men in front of you.

“Please don’t bother about this. We were the one who insisted him to drink tonight.” Mitsuya chuckles as he helps you to drag Draken away from the bar.

The moment he blinks your eyes he’s already in your bedroom. A frown on his lips and brows furrowed. “Y/n, what happened?” He sat up in the bed and look around, with his hand rubbing his head to ease the throbbing in his temples

“You passed out so the boys have to drag you here.” You passed him a glass of water. “You look horrible.” Only worry remains on your face. You reach up a hand to caress his face.

He took a sip of the drink. He let out a heavy sigh. “I see Emma.” He mumbles rubbing his forehead. Your eyes are wide open. “I thought you were Emma.”

Your heart reacts before your brain can fully process his words. You almost feel your heart drop. You can feel your eyes are filling with tears, your lower lip trembles. God, give me strength to bear this. I’m human too. You pray to yourself.

Draken flinch when he saw you tearing up, “Shit- what’s wrong y/n?”

“Why is it always her?” You mumble under your breath, your fist tighten around your dress.

Draken turn his head to face you. He raises a brow, trying to catch the things you were saying. “What are you talking about?” He stops, eyes wide staring at you.

“Draken, have you ever thought of me in your heart?” You whimpered, tears start rolling down on your cheeks. Fuck what am I saying?

“What the-” his sentence is being cut off when you suddenly push you lips to his.

You took a deep breath as you hold his face in your hands. “I love you Draken, I love you so much.”

“Wait- I can’t.” His troubled gaze came back to your face.

“Emma is gone. You deserve happiness too. Why are you doing this to yourself?” You brush your knuckle under the redness of his swollen eyes. “Please look at me too. Let me be in your heart too.” You pulled him closer in your arms, burying your face in his chest. “All I want to be is somebody to you.”

Draken gently push you away. “I’m sorry.” He gets up from you bed heading straight the door without even glancing back to you. The moment he leaves, you stare blankly at the wall. You began to cry, you sob muffled as you leaned forward against your arms, hugging your knees. “Why did I do that?” you murmur to yourself. Draken let out a heavy sigh as he plops down in front of your house door. “Shit” he curses while ruffling his hair, hands slightly trembling. He loves you too, but he can’t do that fearing that he’ll lose you too. He had enough. Everyone he ever loved ended up hurt or dead.

How many days has it been now since he last saw you? He lost count already. He sighs as he put down the wrench he’s holding and staring straight at the bike in front him. You haven’t come to see him at all since that day, he missed you. Of course, there’s no way you would come and see him now. He hurts you.

A voice greets him from behind, “Hey.” He turns his head to see Mitsuya standing there.

“Oh Mitsuya, what’s up man?” He gets up from his position, wiping the dirt on his hands with a towel.

“I was talking to you just now but it seems like you’re busy in your own thought.” Mitsuya give a curious stare at him, brows knitted together before a grin emerged on his face

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t hear you earlier.” Draken shrugs, running his fingers through his hair.

“It’s fine, anyway are you okay? Inui told me that you have been staring a lot lately.” His brows creased in worry. He pulls one of the chairs at the workshop as he sits crossing his legs facing Draken.

Draken takes a seat beside the lilac hair man. Letting out a heavy sigh as he continues telling Mitsuya the whole shits that has been going through his mind. Mitsuya is focusing himself with the whole story, sometimes his lips part open from the story. “And she has been ignoring me now. It’s my fault anyway.”

A scowl appeared on Mitsuya’s face, “You mean that all these years she-”

“Yeah.” Draken bows his head, staring down. It was as if his head was heavier than usual.

Mitsuya places a hand on his shoulder, “She love you deeply man.” He raises a brow, clicking his tongue. “Man, I have to tell you this. You deserve happiness too.” Draken lifts up his head, his gaze met Mitsuya’s. “I believe Emma thought the same way too.” Mitsuya grins as he continues, “It’s never too late.”

Draken tried calling your number but only your voicemails greet him. “Shit y/n I’m so sorry, please pick up the phone, I need to talk to you.” He sighs wishing that you would hear his voicemails. It’s fine if you hate him, but he needs one more chance to tell you everything, just one more chance. After that, he’s fine if you decided to leave him. It’s his fault anyway. He can’t help but to pace back and forth, biting his lips. He wastes no time as he grabs his motorcycle keys.  

You are walking down from the train station, on your way home from your office. You sigh as you check your phone looking at the amount of missed calls and voicemails coming from him. It has been days since you last saw him. You missed him too, but you were too ashamed to show yourself in front of him after what you’ve done. You accidentally confessed to him out of nowhere and what even worse is, you forced your kiss to him. AAAAAAA you scream to yourself as you slaps both of your cheeks hard making the other people at the station staring at you with a confuse look. There is a mother pulling her daughter closer to avoid you. You rubs you red cheeks as you huff your cheeks and lips forming a pout. You can’t face him now. “I would rather dig my own grave rather than seeing him now.” You mumble to yourself.

“Found you.” You have never ever turned you head as quickly as this time. You can hear a snap from your neck. Ouch.  There he is landing his back on his bike behind you with a smirk on his face. God, why are you doing this to me? Am I not being nice in my life? Is this the punishment I deserve after what I’ve done?

Your brows knitted together, “How- how did you-” You point your finger to him, trembling as he walks towards you with hands in both of his pockets.

“I can hear your screaming from there. Why are you acting like you are seeing a ghost?”

You quickly turn your body and decided to run for your life, with your heels? Yes with your freaking heels. But before you are able to sprint away from him, you can feel his big hand holding you waist gently pulling you closer to him.

“I’m so sorry! I’m sorry, please let me go!” You scream, trying to push away his grip from you.

A deep furrow ran across his forehead, gaze trailing down to you. “What the fuck are you saying?” He is damn confused now.

You place your suitcase on top of your face, in hoping to shield your bright red face from his stares. “I didn’t mean to say that. Please forget everything I’ve said before.”

“What- I’m glad you said that.” He lets out chuckles as he pushes away your suitcase from your face. He rubs your red cheeks gently, “I’m sorry for hurting you before.” You narrowed your brows at him. He pulls your face gently to his, “It’s not like I hate you anything. It’s just that I feel like I don’t deserve anyone in my life.” He sighs. “I love you too, but I still think of Emma sometimes and I’m sorry.”

“I’ll wait for you. You don’t have to feel sorry. Take as long time you need.” He freezes. You took a deep breath. “I mean after all I’ve been waiting for years already.” You whisper as you look down at your feet while twiddling with your own fingers. He arched a brown in amusement and let out giggles as he stares at you.

“I know and I’m sorry.” You can feel his fingers sliding down to your hair, gently tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ears. “But, you’re indeed special to me and I can’t bear to lose someone in my life again. You have been a wonderful girl to me ever since the time that I have known you.” He continued as his intense gaze fixed on you. The you he now loves, the you who is always there for him and the you he promises himself to protect. “You are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.” You can feel the tears start to fall down on your warm cheeks. His arm is sneaking around you waist gently to hold you closer to him “That’s my reply to your confession that night.” His lips slowly curving up into a smile as his warm lips brushed your forehead, peppering it with kisses.

“I love you, Draken.” You began to cry, you sob muffled in his chest.

“I know.”

“But, I love- I love you so much.”

He lands his forehead to yours and gently wipes away your tears with his fingers. “I know. I love you too.”

yours truly @qtsickchiq​​

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

still want that, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader, ex-yoongi x reader

summary: Fucking Min Yoongi ex-girlfriend? A terrible idea. Being hopelessly in love with her at the same time? An even worse idea. Knowing he was being used and still doing it anyway? Ah, Jeon Jungkook, what are you doing?

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, angst, a whole lot of pining; smut (fem reader, m and f-receiving oral, doggy, mentions of cowgirl, penetrative sex); a whole lot of feels; non-idol!AU; Jungkook’s POV; ex-boyfriend Yoongi is not very nice, oof

‘savage love’ is Jungkook/reader smut after she’s freshly broken up. pretty much just based on the song, lol the original one-shot is less than 3k words and this is a little over 6k XD

--

Two weeks later, Jeon Jungkook witnessed another woman crawling into Min Yoongi’s lap.

She was wearing a tight dress and high heels, with an awfully familiar face shape. Jungkook knew this because the same face shape had blown him two weeks earlier. This woman’s lips weren’t as nice though. Her eyes weren’t as pretty and she didn’t laugh the way Jungkook liked. He watched her speaking to Yoongi, his bored expression indicating he had no interest, but he was letting it happen because it was attention and Yoongi wanted attention. That’s why he finally emerged from the cave that was his apartment anyway.

Jungkook couldn’t believe Yoongi wasn’t even trying to win her back.

In fact, it made him furious.

He looked away, turning back to Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin’s bickering over… nothing really. They sort of bickered like an old married couple and then the conversation eventually turned into one of them agreeing with the other and they made up. Usually because they would say the same thing at the same time and then be amazed, even though it happened all the time.

Sometimes, Jungkook felt like a third wheel in this soulmate energy.

Most of the time, Jungkook would be out on the floor, finding someone to spend the night with. But it didn’t feel right anymore. She hadn’t contacted him since that day and yet Jungkook didn’t care. He couldn’t think about anyone else. He knew it was stupid. He knew he should let it go, because she obviously was just doing whatever and whoever she wanted, but he didn’t care.

He just kept waiting for her to come back to him.

She did promise.

She was still Yoongi’s ex-girlfriend and Jungkook knew he shouldn’t even try because they were still friends, no matter how annoyed he was with Yoongi’s behavior right now. Bros before hoes.

Or whatever.

He suddenly felt a hand slip onto his shoulder, up his neck, cupping his cheek. Jungkook jumped, turning his head. Short black pleated skirt. Tight little white top. Silver studded black leather jacket. The same teasing, cocked eyebrow, the one that belonged to the very person he had just been thinking about. His eyes widened. She leaned down, eyes shifting to her right. Staring at Yoongi. Of course, she was staring at Yoongi.

She pressed her lips to his, sliding her tongue into his mouth, making him breathless within seconds. Holding his jaw, inhaling his scent, almost as if they were lovers, almost as if he was the only one, almost as if she saved this kiss just for him.

Jungkook knew it wasn’t true, but he still wanted the kiss anyway.

She broke the kiss, releasing his face. Her eyes lingered on his, only for a second, before she smirked and turned around, walking back into the crowd.

“Jungkook!”

He started, lips still tingling, jerking his head around to face Jimin and Taehyung, who were staring at him, shocked. Oh right. They didn’t know they fucked.

“That’s Yoongi-hyung’s ex!” Jimin scolded.

Jungkook sputtered. “S-she just walked up t-to me–”

He turned around, seeing Yoongi’s vicious scowl, shoving the other woman away from him. Jungkook threw up his hands, shaking his head furiously. He snapped back to Jimin and Taehyung.

“I swear, guys, I don’t know why she did that–”

“Jungkook.”

He froze. The ice-cold snarl came from behind him. He swallowed, turning around slowly. Yoongi looked furious. Violently furious. Jungkook hadn’t answered his phone that time when she was in his apartment, completely ignoring the multiple calls from Yoongi and his friends. It wasn’t that uncharacteristic for him to ignore calls. And besides, it wasn’t Yoongi’s business anymore, right?

Yoongi’s black hair shrouded his eyes, making them darker than usual.

“The fuck was that?”

Jungkook opened his mouth, but a cool, calm voice answered for him.

“It was none of your fucking business, Yoongi.”

She appeared, holding a shot glass. Probably whiskey, a habit she had picked up from her ex-boyfriend. The former lovers stared each other down, far too uncomfortable for anyone else in the room. Yoongi narrowed his eyes at her.

“I think it is my fucking business.”

She took a sip of her whiskey, shifting her weight to one hip. “What was it that you said again?” She pretended to think. “Oh, right. That I would fuck anything that walked, isn’t that it?” She drowned the whole glass, slamming it onto the table Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook were staring. Everyone was staring now, music still blaring.

“Guess what? Jungkook’s got legs and I’m going to fuck him.”

She crossed her arms, looking Yoongi up and down, disdain in her eyes.

“Or maybe I already have and you just don’t know it yet.”

Yoongi stiffened, glaring at her. “I was right about you.”

She glared back, just as icily. “Ah, but I had the decency to wait until things were over between us, unlike you. And,” she continued, eyes flickering to the woman who was all over Yoongi moments earlier and then to Jungkook, smirk growing on her lips. “The people I choose to lip-lock with are way hotter than your choices.”

And with that, she reached over and grabbed Jungkook’s hand, yanking him out of his seat. Jungkook stumbled, his long hair falling onto his face, hand trapped in her tight grip.

“Jungkook, don’t,” Taehyung warned.

He turned around to see Yoongi’s face, the hurt evident in his eyes despite his pointed scowl. Yoongi turned away quickly, scoffing.

“I don’t give a fuck,” he spat.

“You never did,” she shot back, dragging Jungkook away.

-

“Shouldn’t you–”

She slammed him against her car, kissing him hungrily, desperately, clearly upset. Jungkook gasped, feeling her hands all over his white shirt, thighs pressed against his black slacks. She smelled strongly of cheery perfume and whiskey. His body reacted immediately, hips bucking into hers, moaning into her mouth. If he had resolve, it crumbled instantly with her touch, the way she pressed her fingers into his shirt, holding him close as she nipped at his lips.

He wanted to say, shouldn’t you cool off? Shouldn’t you go home and not do this?

But Jungkook couldn’t, because she was finally in his arms again and he couldn’t help himself, he just kept kissing her, even if he knew she was just doing it to piss Yoongi off. Even if she probably didn’t care about his feelings at all.

She probably didn’t even give two fucks.

Suddenly, she broke the kiss, panting. “Sorry I didn’t talk to you for a while,” she muttered. “Had a… lot on my mind. Didn’t see anyone, really.”

But she gave at least one and that was enough.

“It’s okay,” Jungkook breathed, chest tight. “I understand.”

She nodded. Her eyes searched his face, half-illuminated by the streetlights. He couldn’t quite figure out her expression. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, his jaw, his neck, so many kisses, all over him, making him melt and shudder.

“Wanna make your feel good,” she said against his skin. “Right here, right now.”

“You could simply look at me and I would feel good.”

She paused, lips hovering over his skin. Hands still on his waist, holding him close. Jungkook leaned down, kissing her ear softly. Her nails dug into his shirt, scraping his back a little. He whined pleadingly, his hands coming up to hold her hips, pressing them against his crotch.

“Do whatever you want,” he whispered into her ear. “Please.”

He didn’t care that he was in some random parking lot. He didn’t care that Jimin, Taehyung, or even Yoongi could run out and yell at him at any time, telling him to stop. She could have picked anyone but she picked him, even if only for tonight, and he still wanted it, knowing it was definitely not fair.

Jungkook really, really didn’t care.

“Okay,” she finally said. “But I changed my mind.”

His heart stopped.

“Gonna take you home and fuck you there instead.”

-

Her hands curled in his long hair, hips to his, dry humping him on his own fucking bed. He gasped at her roughness, her kisses firm but coy, toying with his lips with her teeth. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he wrenched it out, intending to throw it as far as he could, but she caught his hand.

“Don’t do that,” she chuckled against his lips. “Just turn it off.”

He chewed on his lip and nodded, turning it towards him. Missed calls, multiple messages. He ignored them all, sending the screen to black. She took his phone from him, sliding it under his pillows.

“Jungkook.”

He was panting hard, black curls all over his face from her hands, pupils blown wide in the semi-darkness of his own bedroom.

“You really still want me?”

She said it with a teasing tone. The moonlight reflected off of her smooth skin, her smirk, her cocked eyebrow. Jungkook couldn’t discern the expression in her eyes. They seemed almost bottomless. And yet those little moments, the way she said his name, the way her fingers tightened around his hand, that smile she gave him before she left the first time.

He held onto those moments tightly.

“Yes.”

She slid down his body, yanking his white shirt out of his pants, pushing it up, lips attaching to his abs, gentle kitten licks setting his skin on fire. Jungkook arched his back, whining, trying to get more of himself into her mouth. Her lips brushed against his skin as she spoke and he drank up every word, becoming drunk with her praise.

“Look at you,” she breathed, undoing his pants, palming him through his underwear. “You’re so fucking hot, Jungkook, you know that?” She pressed her lips against his throbbing cock through the fabric and he moaned her name, desperate for skin-on-skin, caught in her current and following it blindly. She shuddered, breath heating his aching member. “Your voice is so fucking sexy, fuck, I love listening to you moan for me.”

She grabbed the waistband of his underwear and pulled it down his legs, shoving it and his pants down to his knees. For a panicked second, he thought she was going to tease his balls again, but she wrapped her lips around his cock, tongue pressing against the head.

“A-ah, fuck, yes…”

He wished he could sound less pathetic and more in control, but the truth was that he wasn’t, especially as she hummed, lowering her head, the tip of his cock scraping against the roof of her mouth, roughly stimulated and then choked by the back of her throat. He could hear her whimper and he wanted to ask if she was okay, but then she began to move, bobbing her head up and down ferally, hands on his bed. It was like she was ramming his cock into her own mouth, building up speed, saliva slipping out, messy and filthy. And yet the deeper his cock went, the tighter it became, her throat gripping him, almost too much for the sensitive skin of the head.

Jungkook was a gasping mess, confused on how this blowjob was so different from the last one but still just as good, confused as to how there were even different blowjob techniques to begin with, confused to how he never knew about this, how could he ever want another mouth as she ticked her head with each thrust, adding an extra swipe of her tongue to increase the sensation. His eyes rolled back into his head, hands flying up and grabbing his pillows, clutching them as he came, hips rising to fuck her mouth in time with his lengthy moan, feeling saliva drip down his thighs. She tightened her lips at the base of his cock and it throbbed in her mouth, shooting strings of cum into her throat.

She held her mouth there as his body slowly descended, dipping back into the bed. His body felt electrified, shivering with pleasure. Jungkook panted, opening his eyes, not realizing he had shut them when he came. He looked down, feeling her carefully pulling her head back. He gasped as his cock popped out of her mouth, her lips pursed. Her eyes flickered to his.

A small smirk danced on her lips.

Jungkook watched with fascination as her hand came up, lightly holding his cock out of the way. Then her plump lips parted slightly. A thin white stream of cum and saliva dripped down, splattering against his balls, still warm from her mouth, coating them.

Holy fuck.

The act was so dirty that he was breathless. She swallowed the rest before her head dipped down, eyes still on his. Her tongue extended, scooping up the mixture and eating it back up, lapping at his skin with her soft motions. He felt his jaw drop, staring at her holding his cock, licking his own cum off his balls that she had spat out.

“You…”

He couldn’t form any more words. She sucked them clean, shivers running through him as she moaned around them, his name vibrating his own balls. Holy fuck. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. How could Yoongi not want her back? How could Yoongi not want this?

His hyung was a fucking idiot.

She finally rose, stretching out her neck. Her leather jacket slid off her shoulders, pushed aside. Jungkook sat up, feeling the wet spots on his sheets, but not caring as he tugged his shirt off, far too hot anyway. His eyes lingered over her body, watching her pull off the tight white top, the thick fabric releasing her breasts, large nipples already hard and poking out at him. She noticed his gaze, tweaking her nipples at him with her fingers.

“You are the most beautiful woman in the world,” Jungkook whispered softly.

She smirked.

Jungkook knew that he was turning his own world upside-down. He knew none of this was good for his sanity. He knew all of this as he crawled to her, pushing the rest of his clothes down his legs and shoving them off the bed. None of this was fair to him and this was the most savage love he would ever experience, but he wanted nothing else, nothing but her lips on his, still tasting like his salty cum, her hands caressing his body and pulling him close. He gasped as her nipples touched his skin, rubbing her chest against his. He reached under her pleated skirt, yanking her panties down her thighs.

The scent of sex hit him in the face, so strong, so intoxicating, mixing with her cherry perfume, so arousing that he felt his cock twitch, getting hard already, wanting her, needing her. And it was all wrong, remembering the pain in Yoongi’s eyes before he looked away, but she handed Jungkook a condom and he opened it, sliding it over his cock, moaning as he watched her turn around, hooking a finger and twisting her panties, slipping them down her calves and off her feet, tossing them to his floor. Ass in the air, inviting him in.

“Fuck me, Jungkook.” Her voice a breathless plea. “Fuck me like you own me.”

He got to his knees, holding her hips, sliding in slowly, bit by bit, eyes closing as he pushed in, so tight, hissing her name as he buried himself inside her warmth. She squeezed his cock, rolling her hips back into him.

“Please, Jungkook…”

She was using him to get what she wanted but he really didn’t care, biting his lip and ramming his hips into her, gasping at how good it felt, how perfectly they fit together. Her walls massaged his length as he thrust into her, loudly slapping his crotch into her ass. He watched her hands grip his sheets, heard her say his name over and over as he fucked her harder, faster, burning her voice into his memory. Because in his moment, she was his.

In this moment, her head turned, eyes half-lidded, her pink tongue licking her lower lip.

“Fuck, Jungkook, you’re so good at fucking me.”

Her whole body was jerking forward with the force of his thrusts. She closed her eyes and threw her head back in ecstasy, moaning as she came around him, pussy pulsating around his cock, hips trembling in his hands. Jungkook knew he was completely fucked, absolutely in love with the wrong person, but there was nothing be could do about it. He fucked her through her orgasm, pressing a hand on her back to get a deeper angle, groaning as he felt her tighten around him.

“Yes, Jungkook, oh, fuck, yeeees…”

She felt so good, the scent of her orgasm driving him insane, her sounds so erotic that he clenched his jaw, punishingly fucking her into the bed, his thighs screaming at him, until the taut string inside him snapped, pleasure knocking the wind out of his lungs, a choked gasp of her name as he shot into the condom, cock twitching into her walls, cum choked out by her second orgasm pumping him. She turned her head, smirking, looking satisfied and spent.

“Jungkook-ah…”

It was almost real, the way she waited as he fished for the condom, holding it to him as he pulled out, almost real as she crawled over to him, kissing him softly, almost lovingly, almost…

Jungkook got up to clean himself off and came back to her putting her clothes back on. Shrugging on her leather jacket. His heart sank, seeing her beautiful form covered back up. She seemed to notice his gaze and, for a moment, they stared at each other. Him, naked, in the doorframe of his bedroom, her next to his bed.

She took a step towards him. Then another. Then another, until they were side by side, and Jungkook closed his eyes, fully aware that it would end like this, but hating it anyway. 

He felt her hand on his shoulder, caressing his skin. 

Jungkook turned his head, eyes opening. Her index finger poked him in the cheek when he faced her, making him freeze and his lips part, staring into her eyes, the fogged windows of her soul. 

She smiled at him, shrouded by moonlight. 

"See you, Jungkook."

And then she removed her hand and sauntered out of his apartment. 

-

"You're going to get hurt."

"It's not worth it."

"He's obviously still in love with her."

"She might even still be in love with him."

Jungkook heard all these things from his friends, but he didn't care. He didn't care, because the second he opened the door and she was standing there in her leather jacket, crop top, and tight miniskirt, no one else mattered. 

"Even if she does like you," Park Jimin had told him gently. "It's obvious that you're just a rebound right now, because of everything that's happened."

He knew that. He knew it, and yet he pulled her into his arms, lips pressed against hers, murmuring her name, shutting his front door. 

"She's using you to provoke Yoongi."

Jungkook knew that too and still he cupped her face in his hands, kissing her all over, enjoying the feeling of her hands slipping under his t-shirt. He loved they way she quickly stripped off his clothes, with frenzy and need. 

He wanted to tell her, "Don't go." 

She took his breath away, body on top of his, riding him, driving him insane with her soft noises and pleas of his name. Holding his hands, slapping her hips into his. 

He wanted to say, "Please stay with me."

Her hands tangled in his hair as he folded her in half, fucking her into his bed, hot breath mixing with hers as she moaned. Always praising him and reminding him of how good he was, how nice he felt. 

He wanted to scream, "I promise I'll never try to hurt you. I promise to always try to protect your heart. I promise I love you."

But in the end, she always shrugged on her studded leather jacket, the metal causing sunlight to scatter over his bedroom wall, haloing around her like golden feathery wings, her hair glistening in the dying sunset. She would notice his gaze on her and she would lean over and kiss him with a smirk and a mischievous sparkle in her eye.

And she would say, "See you, Jungkook."

And he would say, "Okay."

His front door would close and he would bury his face into his pillows, inhaling her cherry perfume and the scent of her cum. 

-

One time, he hesitated.

She said, "See you, Jungkook." And he paused, staring up at her longingly, not saying anything. Her hand lingered on his cheek, his lips still tingling from her last kiss. His hand came up and touched hers, holding it there. 

Don't let go. 

She smiled and leaned in again. A second kiss, a deep press of lips to lips, no teasing tongue. Then she backed up, pulling her hand out from his. 

"There's no other guy," she said softly. "Only you."

And she left, as usual, but with these additional words sweeping him away, lost in these little moments she gave him, clutching his pillows against his chest and trying to calm his racing heart. 

-

It made every happenstance and mention of Yoongi's antics enrage Jungkook more and more, hearing of and witnessing the different women Yoongi took home all the time, all of them with one or two characteristics of her, but never the whole package, because the whole package was on his doorstep with a teasing smirk and cocked eyebrow. And it was so obvious that she was still hurt, that maybe even a little bit of her still hoped. Jungkook saw it in her eyes, even when he was deep inside her, her eyes trying to hide it all and bury it away.

He knew he was being used, but he still let her come back.

He wanted to strangle Yoongi, even though he was obviously in the wrong too.

But the reality was…

He just wanted her to love him back. 

Even if only a little. 

-

"I'm sorry."

Jungkook knew that low, raspy voice, laced with alcohol, most likely whiskey. He froze, backing up against the brick wall next to the nightclub. Inside was violent noise, but outside, in this night, next to this alley, it was eerily quiet.

"Little late for that, isn't it?"

And Jungkook knew that voice too, his heart sinking, knowing that playful smirk was speaking to her ex-lover once again. At least there was a hint of annoyance. Jungkook heard the rustle of leather, her soft exhale as Yoongi pressed her body into the brick wall with his. 

"Yes, but I mean it this time."

A sharp bark of disbelieving laughter. "Just like how you mean to go home with different sluts every night to try and forget about me?"

The rasp became sharper, cutting. "And you consistently fuck him. One of my best friends, no less."

Jungkook was surprised that Yoongi did not speak about him in past tense. He thought for sure Yoongi hated him, but it seemed like his rage was aimed at her, twisted with regret. 

"Guess we're both past forgiveness."

He could hear heavy breathing. Leather on leather, the distinct sound of Yoongi and her together, hands on skin, soft lustful panting. No. Please no. Jungkook's stomach turned into a heavy knot.

"We could let it go," Yoongi murmured. "Forget about it all and come home to me."

The knot inside him twisted as a vulgar smack cut through the stale night air, followed by her soft gasp. Yoongi's hand on her ass. The sound of nails on skin, and then lips to lips. Jungkook felt his glass heart tumble, tumble, cracking as he replayed every one of their moments; her grip on his hands as he heard her moan into Yoongi's lips; her smile to him before she stepped out his front door as Yoongi grunted, shoving her hips into his; her lips forming his name – "Jungkook-ah…" – as the kiss broke, shudders exchanged in the narrow alley as Jungkook stood at the outskirts, listening.

Holding his glass heart, fractured in every corner, so many facets he couldn't see his own reflection anymore. 

"That was the most insincere kiss you've ever given me, Min Yoongi."

And then there was a flash of leather and swift running as the combat boots flew past him, short skirt flaring with each step, not seeing him, only shooting past like a black comet into the black night. Upset, untouchable, unhindered by the heavy sigh in the alley. Yoongi clicked his tongue, cursing to himself, his boot kicking the brick wall, sound so loud it seemed to eat up the night. 

Jungkook clutched his glass heart and ran after her. 

-

His fist pounded at her door, hurting his knuckles on the metal, scraping them against the number. He had never been here before, never seen her apartment. She lived in a small, run-down complex. His chest was tight, lungs on fire as he had chased after her, following from bus stops to streets, almost losing her at several points. He had waited after she entered her apartment, pacing, unsure what he wanted to do. Unsure whether to scream, to plead, to cry, but, in the end, he just slammed his fist against the door and shut his eyes.

Because, in the end, all he wanted was to see her face.

The door wrenched open.

Jungkook started, throwing himself away from the door. And there she was. Wearing baggy gray sweatpants and a violently short crop top, a white t-shirt cut too high, her movement providing the daintiest flash of under-boob. She looked livid at first, but her features softened instantly when she saw him.

“Jungkook?”

Her voice small, surprised. The light behind her seemed to be low to the ground, so her face and body were lit from below, a pale-yellow glow.

His hands shot forward, his body moving before he had time to think. He grabbed her face, pulling it to him, pressing his lips to hers, closing his eyes and inhaling her cherry perfume, trying to tell her, I love you, I love you, I love you, and he almost sobbed with how soft her lips were, how perfectly they fit against his. Trying to say, please be mine, please know that with this kiss, I am giving you everything I have, his hands pressing into her cheeks, stroking her temples and her jaw with his fingertips. She gasped into his mouth and he tilted his head, kissing her harder, pushing her into her apartment, kicking the door closed behind him.

Jungkook finally backed off to breathe, still holding her face, staring into her slightly unfocused eyes, still trying to process what was happening.

“What about this kiss?” His voice cracked a little, on the verge of crying. “Does this kiss have the sincerity you’re looking for?”

And then her attention was fully on him, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“I was there,” Jungkook whispered guiltily. “Because Taehyung told me Yoongi was out and you were there and I couldn’t… I couldn��t stand knowing he was so close to you after hurting you so much.” His hands slid down, holding her shoulders, his breath shuddering. “Please… Please don’t give him any more chances.”

Jungkook pressed his forehead against hers.

“I know you are just using me to feel better. I know that. Use me as much as you want. I don’t care. But please…”

He closed his eyes, pushing the tears back, choking out his words.

“Please don’t kiss him anymore.”

And then Jungkook lifted his head, kissing her again, hungrier this time, trying to patch his fears with lust, sliding his hands down her shoulders to her arms, pulling her close. Her breathing hitched as he shoved her into his chest, feeling her nipples through his black shirt. He moaned into her mouth, touching her back and running his hands over her bare skin. She had to grab the waistband of his jeans to prevent herself from losing balance, gasping as he kissed down her neck fervently, nipping at her throat. He murmured her name into her hot skin, sucking on it.

“J-Jungkook…”

His tongue ran over her collarbones, dipping in between them, rolling his hips into hers, savoring the sensation of her body against his. He kicked his shoes off, scattering them as he walked them into further and further into her apartment. Her skin trembled under him, fingers tightening on the belt loops of his jeans. Right up against the wall, pressing her into it, yanking down her gray sweatpants, and she gasped, startled by his need. He pushed her panties down to her knees, trailing kisses down her stomach, fingers pressed into her hips.

“A-ah, Jungkook…”

And he was drunk, drunk on the way she said his name, lost in the sensation of her skin against his lips and the scent of her sex, so strong and sweet and powerful that he buried his nose into it, moaning hotly into her wet opening. He pulled one of her legs out of her pants and fitted it onto his shoulder. The moment his tongue touched her juices, his grip tightened, shoving her hips into his face. Her lovely taste coated his tongue as he thrust it into her. She whined above him, hands tangling in his hair as he began to lick, shuddering as she became slicker, the taste sharpening as he played with her clit, lapping at it roughly. Holding her in place, not stopping, coaxing her to her peak, pushing her to the edge.

His tongue, his, doing this to her, unraveling her in his arms, and overwhelming her with lust.

“Jungkook, fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Her hips rutted into his face and he loved it, latching his lips onto her clit, licking and sucking as her viscous juices slid down his chin, dripping onto his neck. He kept going, feelings her thighs tense and hearing his name falling from her lips in her ecstasy. She tasted even better, sweet with a hint of sour, and he slipped his head downwards, moan muffled as he ate up her orgasm, her soft thigh pressed against his cheek.

He licked her tenderly, working her through the aftershocks before he released her leg, standing back up. She was panting, pupils blown wide, blinking rapidly as he kissed her again, smearing her juices on her chin. She whimpered against his mouth, hands clutching his shirt as he sucked on her tongue, taking the hem of her shirt and pulling it up, only breaking the kiss to remove it from her head. It made her hair even messier than before, falling in waves around her face, framing it perfectly.

His eyes on her face, knowing he was so deeply in love that he was drowning.

“I want to fuck you,” he breathed.

His hand came up and cupped her cheek. He leaned in, eyelids closing, pressing his lips to hers, speaking into them.

“I want to love you.”

Gentle, soft pecks onto those perfect plump lips.

“Let me love you,” he whispered, placing his free hand over hers, the ones still gripping his shirt.

His heart was beating so fast that it felt like it was vibrating in his ribcage.

“Jungkook, w-wait…”

And he really didn’t want to wait, he wanted to tell her to shut up and let him make love to her, but he paused, finally opening his eyes to her ashamed expression, looking away. She closed her eyes, shaking her head, releasing him and backing up a little. It was like he was suddenly hollow, carved out when she removed her body heat from his. She still wasn’t looking at him, eyes opening to gaze at the far wall. His eyes followed hers.

And he gasped.

She didn’t have a living room. Instead, the large space littered with easels, canvases, and paper. Tubs and tubs of paint, all kinds, watercolor, oil, acrylic, gouache, all colors, everywhere. Paint-covered cups with dirty water and palettes of dried paint all over the floor. And on the far wall, a large canvas leaned against it, covered in colorful paint strokes. It took up the whole wall, and there was even a step ladder near it so she could reach the top.

Jungkook was breathless.

Absolutely breathless.

He took a step towards it.

Because in striking, full detail, she had captured his face in various shades of blue, pink, yellow, and orange. Only tiny points of black for emphasis. The negative white space carved out his features, the curve of his neck, the broadness of his shoulders. His long curly hair in blue and pink, his eyes in orange and yellow, sparkling, even with the wrinkles that appeared when he smiled, his cheeks round from how big he was smiling.

She had even added the moles on his cheek, nose, and underneath his lower lip.

It was unmistakably him. Jeon Jungkook.

“W-what…?”

He looks back at her. She looked embarrassed.

“It’s not very good,” she chuckled nervously. “Sorry, I…” She pointed at it awkwardly and lowered her hand just as quickly. She tried to start a sentence, but shook her head. Instead, she breathed in deeply so she could speak evenly. “When I paint, I don’t plan anything. I do it when I’m stressed, so none of it is any good.” She rubbed the back of her head, using her other hand to point to the mess.

“I got a huge canvas and started painting, because of the whole…”

She looked pained. She sucked her lips in her mouth, slowly releasing them. Then she sighed.

“I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Jungkook made eye contact.

“It’s me.”

She chuckled, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

He turned back to stare at it, stare at himself smiling out to the room in stunning color. This huge canvas wasn’t Min Yoongi. It was him. Him, Jeon Jungkook. She had painted him, larger than life, clearly visible in her apartment, unable to avoid the large canvas. He had only missed it because he had been so upset and focused on her. But the truth was, he was always here.

Here, smiling at her when she got home.

“I don’t look this good,” Jungkook muttered.

She laughed, that beautiful laugh he loved so much. He felt her walk up to him, nudging his side.

“Yes, you do. You always look amazing.”

“Not when I wake up.”

She shrugged. “I’ve seen you wake up after a night of drinking. You’re adorable.”

Jungkook felt his ears heat. There was a long silence of him studying all the details.

“He knows.”

She sighed, heavily.

“He saw it one night. When he came over to try to convince me to take him back. I hadn’t finished much, but he could tell it was you.” She pointed to the mole under his lower lip. “Because of this.”

“You noticed.”

She smirked. Then she turned back to painting. “He was really mad. I hadn’t painted anyone else before him. Before Yoongi, I only painted scenes and random objects. Not people.” Her eyes roamed over the large canvas. “I painted him a lot, on smaller canvases and paper. He has them all, somewhere. Maybe he’s burned them now. I don’t know. But when he saw this, I think he knew, even before me.” Her voice was getting smaller and smaller. “He knew I was falling out of love with him.”

She looked away, to a point Jungkook couldn’t see, into the past.

“I wondered if It would feel the same, if I kissed him again. I wondered if he would still give me the same excitement, the same desire.” She closed her eyes. “But I didn’t feel anything.”

She lifted her head and looked at him, the Jungkook in blue, pink, orange, and yellow.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook.” It seemed like she was speaking to the painting because she couldn’t face him. “I’m sorry for being so cruel to you.” Her lips curved into a sad smile. Her eyes flitted to every corner of the large painting, arms around her naked body, hugging herself, an empty, lonely feeling surrounding her as she spoke.

“Love is fleeting anyway.”

Jungkook reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him. He pressed his nose into her hair, inhaling deeply.

“Stop listening to his stupid words and listen to me,” he mumbled. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I’ll tell you a thousand times. A million times, until you believe me. Stay with me and I’ll tell you every day, every night, all the time.”

“You… deserve better than me, Jungkook.”

“I don’t care,” he retorted stubbornly. “Is another woman going to paint an entire wall of my face? No. I love you.” And you love me, he wanted to add. I know you do, because I can see it right in front of my face, even if you can’t.

She lowered her head, burying her face in his arms.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she mumbled, a shudder running through her.

Jungkook thought of all those times, those confident smirks, those powerful strides, her strong words and firm affirmations. Everyone thought she had it all together. Everyone thought she was over Yoongi, because she had shot him down so hard. So cool that she was able to be so self-assured.

But the truth was here, painted in vivid color.

He placed his lips on the top of her head, kissing her softly.

“Why me?” he whispered.

He heard her chuckle at the familiar question.

“If you want the truth,” she murmured into his forearms. “I don’t know. I only went over to your apartment because I thought…” She raised her head, sighing apologetically. “I thought, ‘It’s going to be easy giving Jungkook a mind-blowing orgasm.’”

“I had two, in fact.”

She really did have a beautiful laugh.

“Now I’m corrupted,” Jungkook teased, squeezing her in his arms. “I won’t leave you alone.”

She looked up at the painting. Her tone was different now, less sad, warmer.

“No, I guess you won’t.”

--

masterpost

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter four: "Hurt"

Words count: 13,7K

The gif is mine ✨

Warnings: Hardcore Spencer trauma. Mention of drug abuse,  torture, Criminal Minds usual case triggers. Spoilers of Season 2 E14/15 Criminal Minds.

Summary: An unsub abducts Spencer, and reader blames JJ for it.

A/N: Have you ever wished you were there to save Spencer from Tobias Hankel? I know I have. I know reader wants to... I'm dying to know what you'll think of this chapter! Sorry if it's a little too graphic, writing Spencer's POV of this episode was really hard.

Series Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

I remember the day Emily Prentiss arrived. We had a case in Saint Louis. Two serial killers, 'cos it couldn't just be one asshole making everyone miserable. And on top of all, Hotch was confused and upset 'cos he never signed Emily's transfer to the BAU. It was like someone was trying to force her into the team, and we all thought it was weird.

We left the bullpen off to the case and left Prentiss in the office, not knowing if she actually got the job or not. I know Elle and I weren't incredibly close, but it still felt weird to think someone might join the team and try to replace her. It didn't work that way in that job. It didn't feel right at the moment.

There is something I also distinctly remember about that day: Gideon talked to me. And not only that, but he actually trusted my knowledge. We hadn't been on the best terms for a few months, so that approach meant a lot to me.

We were at the police station. Reid and I had been analyzing the letters one of the killers had sent to a journalist to find something that might help us catch him before there were any more victims. That's when JJ and Jason walked in, and he asked about our progress.

- "He only sent this to an individual, which shows he is not confident enough to initiate contact with the masses."- Spencer explained as he projected an image of the letter on the wall.

- "Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants, and you can see the shooter maintains vertical, narrow letter writing, and both are signs of repression"- I said and pointed at the image on the wall- "And the pressure, if you look closely, it's excessively heavy, which shows that he's uptight and can easily overreact."

Gideon looked at me and nodded. It was my cue to keep on talking. For once in a long time, I was feeling approved by him.

- "You got all that from his handwriting?"- JJ asked me, surprised. Reid looked at me from the other side of the room, and I could feel his smile reflecting how proud he was of me.

- "Graphology is an effective and reliable indicator of personality and behavior."

- "But my writing is always different,"- she added, and I nodded. I was waiting for that comment.

- "Yes, because it represents your emotions at the moment, just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling while you are speaking."

- "What else can we know about our unsub from this?"- Gideon asked me.

- "Well, our killer uses simple statements, all first person, like "I won't be ignored," which means he's obviously tired of feeling this way. He may have a job in solitude or one that he feels strips of his identity. His work might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality, or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels that he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves."

I made a pause and waited for his words. I was giving my best, and I swear I was still hoping I could ever get Jason Gideon's blessing.

- "I think we are ready to give a profile,"- he said and nodded.

And damn, that felt good.

When we were back in Quantico, Hotch had a long and clearly awkward conversation with the section chief, Erin Strauss. She was scary. She was clearly trying to get rid of Hotch, questioning his work daily, decisions, and how he managed the team. Why? I have no idea.

It felt she forced him to accept Prentiss into the team. We were one man down after Elle left. Ok, one awesome woman down, so we definitely needed some help. And Emily was a great addition from day one.

We clicked right away. Prentiss was funny, smart, but most of all, she constantly had to prove she deserved to be there. Just like me. Gideon gave her the cold shoulder from day one, and that I could relate. The only difference was that she won him over in a few days, though. I was still trying to win that battle.

Garcia decided we needed a girl's night, and she hosted the first of many "BAU Girl Power get together." Basically, it was us at Penelope's place drinking and talking.

That first night, we updated Prentiss with everything that had happened with Elle. She wanted to know everything about us, what we did, how long we've been on the team, and how we all got along. It was sweet and fresh. After that year in the BAU, I had already learned to enjoy the sweet things in life. Like getting drunk with my work girlfriends.

- "So, does Hotch ever smile?"- Emily asked, and we all laughed at the very same time. Yes, it was getting late, and we weren't as sober as we should have been.

- "He does! he does!"- JJ assured us- "You should see him with his baby."

- "He is a dad?"- Emily was shocked. I was surprised too when I found out Aaron was married and with a baby. The amount of time he spends at work always made me feel he had zero personal life.

- "And has a beautiful wife"- JJ added- "He is always laughing when he is with her and baby Jack."

- "I guess this job can drain the happiness from your day... "- I thought out loud, but before anyone could say anything about my dark and bitter comment, my cell phone rang.

- "Hey honey bunny, everything ok?"- I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt the girl's conversations.

- "Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were drinking enough water between drinks"- I laughed and shook my head. Only Reid could call to say such a thing. He was the sweetest friend on earth.

- "Yes, I am, don't worry. I'm not going to be hungover or drunk tomorrow. I know you are excited about the new exposition."

- "You are gonna love it!"

- "I am sure I will"- and I wasn't kidding. I loved when he dragged me to the Smithsonian or any museum for some nerdy fun.

- "Have fun with the girls."

- "What are you doing, by the way?"

- "Just reading a little, you left your complete Sherlock Holmes collection here, so I'll be solving mysteries while you get drunk."

- "Don't have too much fun without me"- he chuckled and ended the call. I smiled and walked back to the girls looking at me with a funny grin on their faces.

- "Was that your boyfriend?"- Penelope asked me, and I frowned right away.

- "No, it was Reid. He just wanted to confirm we are going to the museum tomorrow."

- "Wait"- Prentiss narrowed her brows and looked at us confused- "Reid ain't your boyfriend?"

JJ and Garcia's laughter was epical, as well as my frown. They nearly gasped for air while Prentiss and I waited until they calmed down.

- "No"- I finally answered- "Reid is not my boyfriend."

- "He is more than that; he is her work husband,"- Penelope clarified, and I turned to her with my mouth wide open, shocked.

- "What the fuck? Reid ain't my work husband. He is my best friend!!"

- "Yes, and you happen to call your best friend "honey bunny," right?"- JJ questioned, just like she had a few months before when we were alone in our room away on a case.

- "Reid is my best friend, and yes, I call all my close friends by weird pet names. You will get one too if you are lucky."

- "But I thought"- Emily continued- "I mean, he looks at you like you are his sun."

- "No, Prentiss, the only coupe in this team is the one between "chocolate thunder" and "baby girl" right here"- I pointed at Garcia, and she just blushed and covered her face.

- "My love for Derek will burn forever with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean, have you seen that man? he was made by the gods and sent to earth just to give my existence some sense"- we all laughed at those cheesy words, though Pen was serious about them.

- "But, have you ever...?- JJ looked at her and made a pause. We were all looking at every single facial movement or behavior she might show to read her body language."

- "My relationship with my loverman could never be tainted by something as mundane as sex."

- "Like you wouldn't lick honey from that six-pack and ride that thunder."

The words just left my lips, and I blame the buzz. BAU (Y/N) would have never said that. Drunk (Y/N) would, totally.

The girls laughed until tears fell from their eyes, and I just chuckled, honestly happy to make them laugh. I had been more of the real me than I had ever actually been around them in nearly a year.

- "Hello?"- my phone rang again when I was walking out of the bathroom. And this time, it was Paul.

- "Hey babe, what are you doing?"

- "Hey, I'm..."- I looked at the girls in front of me and sighed- "I'm stuck with paperwork"- and they turned to me immediately. I could read the "What the fuck" on their faces.

- "Well, I'm at Rob's in case you feel like dropping by. We are writing a few songs."

- "I'll text you if I finish with this early, but... have fun."

- "Ok, bye"- I hung up and sighed.

- "And that was..."- Prentiss asked, frowning.

- "My boyfriend,"- I explained and grabbed another beer

- "Sure, I could feel the passion,"- Garcia joked, but I just didn't think it was funny.

I knew my relationship with Paul wasn't alright. Actually, things with Paul weren't. Period. We were done, it was apparent, but still, neither of us had said it. That relationship was just a few phone calls every once in a while, only to make small talks. When we were together, we would just watch a movie, eat something, drink a few beers, and that was it. It had been a long time since we had sex or even made out. I don't know why I didn't end it sooner. I guess I was just afraid to do it.

But I let more months pass before I actually did something.

Spencer's point of view

I'm not proud of what happened that year after Prentiss joined the team. I think that year changed me profoundly, and a part of me never fully recovered afterward.

Maybe it had to be that way, and it was something I had to go through to grow up. I guess I'm still trying to make some sense of all the misery I put my friends through. Mostly (Y/N). She was in hell with me.

A few weeks after New Year, we started working on a case. Someone was killing wealthy people in their own homes. At first, we thought there were two unsubs, 'cos one of them called 911 after killing, and you could hear them struggling and arguing. But no, it was just one.

Tobias Hankel was a delusional serial killer. He had split personalities, not two but actually three. His father, the one who tortured me. The archangel Raphael, who was trying to make God's will, killing people. And himself, who wanted to save me, but instead, he nearly destroyed me.

What do I remember about the day he kidnapped me? I remember I was stupid enough to try to catch an unsub alone, just to prove I could take care of myself on the field. Hotch sent me and JJ to talk to Hankel at his house, 'cos apparently, he might have seen the unsub months earlier. But no, he was the unsub, and neither JJ nor me could stop him.

We hid in a barn, and I was so eager to prove I could catch him; I told JJ we had to split up to cover the place. I was counting on Hotch to get there with the team sooner than they did, and before I realized it, I was in the middle of a cornfield, and Hankel was pointing at me with my own gun.

I was sure I was going to die right there. All of Hankel's personalities were struggling inside of him. I couldn't stop thinking about why I thought I could do it on my own? Why had I been a reckless asshole? Was it because I wanted to prove I was an excellent SAA? Because I wanted to impress JJ? Maybe I tried to convince myself I could do the same job my team did. I knew I wasn't the most physical person, but I had a gun. I had been trained to capture killers.

Yes, I was an asshole that day, and I've regretted everything that happened that night many, many times in the following years.

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and the archangel Raphael had taken Hankel's mind completely. The room was dark, and it smelled awful. He was burning fish hearts and livers, 'cos he believed it kept the devil away.

I was confused and lost. My head was spinning, and my heart was about to burst into my chest. I knew I could die any second now. Raphael wasn't the one to show mercy. That's what I had learned from all the videos Hankel had uploaded to the web. He had shared with the world every murder they had committed to show the other sinners what was going to happen to them.

- "They believe you can see inside men's minds"- Raphael looked at me with dark eyes, implying he meant Tobias and his father

- "It's not true. I study human behavior."- my voice was shaking. I knew I had never been more scared in my entire life. He took out a gun and showed me one bullet.

- "Do you know what this is? It's God's will."

Things didn't look good for me. He put it in the cylinder of the revolver and spun it. He was going to let my life to luck.

- "You don't have to do this"- I tried to talk him out of it, though I knew it wasn't going to work.

- "No go, sinners, to your God."

And he pressed the trigger.

What went through my mind the seconds that passed between having the gun pointed to my face and realizing I had lived? My mom. All I could think of was how my mom would react to the news of my death. I could never bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't die. I couldn't leave her alone.

I sighed, relieved, and bit my lips not to cry. Raphael looked at me with a blank expression and walked out of the room. I had survived for now.

I struggled with my handcuff, but it was useless. My head was killing me. I could feel the open wound on my head, still dripping blood on my temple and head. I tried to focus on the pain for a few minutes, just to make sure I was awake. It was a nightmare, and keeping myself sane and conscious under those circumstances was nearly impossible.

How was I going to get out of there alive? Did the team know where I was? I had no idea where I had been taken. I had been unconscious the whole way. It was dark, and I couldn't see much around me. I wasn't afraid of that darkness. I was more fearful of the man that left me alone, 'cos he was armed and mentally unstable. Darkness had nothing on him.

I had to focus on the things that kept me sane. The things that made me want to get out of that room alive.

- "My name is Spencer Walter Reid. I'm twenty-five years old, my mother's name is Diana Reid, I was born in Las Vegas, October 28th, 1981."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the things that made me happy.

- "I work at the BAU, my best friend's name is (Y/N), and she sits at the desk in front of me. Derek Morgan is the closest I've got to an older brother."

He was. He still is. You have to be close to dead to start seeing things clearly sometimes. Derek was my brother. He treated me like a kid, but a kid brother. He was always teasing me, trying to teach me how to pick up girls, trying to drag me to the gym with him. Derek was a good friend, we were very different, and I knew if we had been classmates in high school, we would probably never have talked. He was a jock, and I was a nerd. But life had brought us together. And now I couldn't think of a better friend than him.

I tried to focus on my happiest memories. My birthday came to mind. The guys had planned a Halloween-themed birthday party at the conference room of the BAU. Of course, Garcia baked a cake and (Y/N) helped her decorate it. It was incredible, 'cos it was covered with tiny gourds and skulls.

- "Frank and Mikey sent you these,"- she announced after everybody had given me their presents. I wide opened my eyes in shock 'cos I had no idea her friends knew it was my birthday or even cared about it.

- "Why?"- I had to ask.

- "'Cos they think you are amazing. They actually wanted to come over to your house and have a few beers tonight."- I opened my mouth to say something, but Derek interrupted me.

- "Pretty boy is gonna get to work hungover again."

- "Shut up"- (Y/N) and I said at the same time, making everybody chuckle. I opened the present her friends had sent me and laughed right away.

- "Lucky Doc"- I read and took out of the bag a Sports Illustrated issue with Lila Archer on the cover. My cheeks turned red immediately.

- "Frank still hasn't overcome that story. I think he will hate you forever"- (Y/N) laughed (along with the rest of the team) and gave me another present.

- "They also sent you this. They said you were going to like the man in black"- it was a Johnny Cash's vinyl- "Frank picked it. He thinks he is some sort of musical psychic that can read people's taste in music."

- "We should get together and have a few beers one of these days. I need to thank them for these."

Gideon looked at me in silence as soon as I said those words. But I didn't care if he disapproved. I was going to be (Y/N)'s friend, whether he liked it or not.

He is the closest I've had to a dad in the latest years. He cares about me, and he tries to make the best of me that he can. Yes, he can be too apprehensive. I think that's a way to put it. But only because he wants me to be the best profiler I can be.

I never thought I would end up working at the BAU. I never thought I would love the job I do as much as I do. Back when I was in college, I thought I would dedicate my life to finding a cure for schizophrenia, but I ended up hunting serial killers across the country.

And though I was about to die, I didn't regret any of the decisions that led me there.

The morning found me shaking, cold, and scared. I was in a small cabin in the woods. Just like the worst and more cliché horror movie ever made. This was my own horror movie.

- "What are you staring at, boy?"- Tobias opened the front door carrying logs for the fire. His voice had changed yet again, so I knew it wasn't the same person I had talked to the night before.

- "You are not Raphael."- I whispered, looking at every movement he did.

- "Do I look like Raphael?"- had I insulted him? I couldn't tell. He turned to the fire, and I took a deep breath, doing my best to stay calm.

- "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe."- I said, looking at the fish hearts and livers he was preparing to put on the fire.

- "Don't try to trick me."

- "I would never try to trick you."

- "You are a liar."

- I'm not a liar."- it was hard to stay calm and not start screaming for help or mercy, but I knew that was going to take me nowhere with him.

- "Lying is a sin."

- "I'm not a liar."- he walked closer to me, and sat right in front of me, held my leg up, and grabbed my foot.

- "This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins."

- "I am not a sinner"- I whispered again. He took off my shoe.

- "We are all sinners."- it didn't look good for me, not at all, and I knew I had to talk to him with his words with his beliefs to save my life.

- "The Lord spake unto Moses saying "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord" and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy."

Hankel, this time in the personality of his father, looked at me surprised. I might have done something right, 'cos he stopped moving, and for a second, I thought it was going to be ok.

- "You know Leviticus."

- "I know every word of the bible. I can recite it for you."- but his eyes turned dark again.

- "The devil knows how to read too."

- "I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil2- I repeated, and couldn't stop shaking, 'cos my life on the hands of a sociopath.

- "I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you, and they taught me the bible, let me recite the bible."

My voice cracked at the knowledge of what he was going to do. He stood up, still holding my foot. He was going to torture me, he was going to try to break me, and I had to be strong. I didn't know how I would find the strength, but I had to be strong.

- "Time to confess, Spencer Reid"- and without further notice, he slapped a log against my foot, making me scream in pain. It hurt from the tip of my toes until the back of my skull. I hadn't felt that kind of pain, and it was worse knowing he was just getting started. Tears started falling down my cheeks in no time.

- "Confess!"

- "I don't have anything to confess."- I whimpered and closed my eyes, 'cos I knew he was going to continue his torture. And so he did. The pain was excruciating. I was sure I was going to pass out

I tried to go to a happy place in my head, somewhere when I could hide from all that pain. It was too hard, though. It hurt too much. I kept repeating over and over again I wasn't a sinner, begging Hankel for mercy, as he shouted I had to confess.

I made an effort to think about what he might want me to say. What did he want me to confess? Which sins was he talking about? But nothing came to my mind, nothing but the pain and the fear of dying.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The second we reached Hankel's cabin, I started looking for Spencer. I had a horrible feeling about it. Morgan and I headed it to a barn with Prentiss. There was no sign of anyone. It was dark and quiet. Never a good sign.

- "Shit!"- I whispered, staring at three dead dogs and a bath of blood in front of me. There laid the body of another victim that was missing from Hankel's last attack.

- "FBI!!"- JJ shouted suddenly. She was pointing his gun to us, clearly in shock- "Don't move!!"

- "JJ, it's Morgan, (Y/L/N), and Prentiss! Don't shoot"- Derek tried to calm her down, walking towards her- "Are you hurt?"- she lowered the gun and stared at us. You could read the fear and the trauma in her eyes.

- "Tobias Hankel is the unsub,"- she whispered as Prentiss rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to comfort her.

- "Yeah, we know"- I moved towards her too and put my gun back into the holster.

- "And we thought he was just a witness"- we looked around, and JJ pointed at the dead dogs.

- "JJ, where is Reid?"- Derek asked her, but she just continued talking.

- "They completely tore her apart"

- "JJ, look at me,"- I said and held her arm carefully- "Look at me, where's Reid?"- she was shaking, and her voice was cracking. I knew she was making her best effort to pull herself together.

- "We split up. He said he was going to go in the back."

And there it was. That was the reason why I had a bad feeling all along. Derek looked at me and nodded as we read each other's minds. The two of us turned around and ran outside, leaving JJ with Prentiss, waiting for the medical team and ambulance to check on her wounds.

Gideon and Hotch were inside the cabin, looking for Hankel, but there was no one there. And there was no sign of Reid behind the barn either, in the cornfield, or anywhere in the perimeter. Reid was nowhere to be found, and I started losing it little by little. I tried to repeat myself the words Hotch had said many times during my year in the BAU: "when you are out there with the team; your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case." But the case had never included my best friend missing before.

- "Hey, is there any sign of him yet?- I asked the police chief as I reached the ambulance. He was there talking with JJ, making sure she was ok.

- "We got every one of our units on the road. He won't make it far"- I nodded and watched him walk away. I knew he thought I was talking about Hankel, but I actually meant Reid.

I turned to JJ and moved a little closer to her. Her eyes open wide, staring back at me.

- "You can't find Reid?"- I just shook my head and tried to sound as casual as I could, not to freak her out. She was still in shock. I didn't want to make it worse.

- "Not yet"

- "(Y/N)"- Derek held my arm and forced me to walk away from the ambulance.- "Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged."

My heart stopped. Did the psychopath hurt Spencer? Did he kill him? Did he torture him? Was he hurt? Was he alive? Where was he? Derek looked at me, and I nodded. I bit my lips and took a deep breath. Hotch's words were my mantra now: "your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case."

- "Are you sure?"- we turned to the police's chief, overhearing his conversation- "We are on our way now."

- "What's going on?"

- "The sheriff down two towns over, he just gave directions to a man who fit Hankel's descriptions. It's to a motor lodge in fort bend."

- "Let's get Hotch and Gideon"- Derek held my arm and walked with me to the cabin. We had to find Reid, and we had to do it fast.

That was the worst night of my life. The first worst night of my life, to be sincere. I didn't close an eye. I went through every paper, every note, every detail in that cabin, trying to find a clue that could lead us to where Tobias had taken Reid.

I felt someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I had to think straight, and to do it, I had to keep a cold head. But as the hours passed, it became a more demanding and more challenging task to complete. I knew the whole team was suffering, but that didn't ease my pain. And I knew JJ felt guilty, but that didn't stop me from blaming her in my mind. She left him alone. I would have never left Spencer alone on the field.

- "(Y/N), you should try to get some rest."

Derek whispered as he sat on the floor next to me, where I had been sitting for the last half hour, reading Tobias's old diaries. Nothing but fear of his father, mentions of Dilaudid use, and bible transcriptions.

- "I'm ok,"- I answered and didn't even take my eyes from the pages.

- "(Y/N), I mean it"

- "I'm not going to rest if he is out there in the hands of a psychopath, Derek"- I had to bite my lips and shut the fuck up, 'cos if I said one more word, I knew I was going to burst into tears.

Morgan just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and moved me closer to him. That was the first time I let him hug me, and it felt good to know I wasn't alone in my desperation. I knew he loved Reid like a brother, and neither of us was going to stop until we found him.

- "Welcome to our nightmare"- JJ's voice broke the silence we had been into for the last hour when Hotch walked into the cabin with Penelope.

It was morning already. There were still no signs of Reid. Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and I had been sitting at the table, reading everything we could.

- "His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you to dissect it,"- Gideon whispered to García. You could feel the concern in his voice. She just nodded in shock and turned to Derek, who held her hand and helped her get set up in the computer room.

- "So, nothing new since I left?"- Hotch asked and looked at us. I just shook my head and continued reading.

- "Well, the good thing is the guy documented practically every second of his life"- Prentiss words took me from the pages I was reading. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The concept of "good" was poorly used in that phrase.

- "The bad news is, we are still un-piling,"- she added and sighed.

- "From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years,"- JJ managed to say. She made her best effort to be useful, but she was in worse shape than everybody else. Yet, that didn't make me feel bad for her. I was mad at her and kept making my best to put it aside, 'cos my head had to be in the case.

- "He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail,"- Emily inferred, but I shook my head as soon as I heard her.

- "No, no, no, it's more than that!"- I shook my head and took a deep breath- "Sheriff's office, 911 calls, every time he engages the police and gets away with it... he reassures himself, God's on his side. Not ours."- I added.

Gideon nodded, and we shared a moment of agreement. He was as worried as I was. I could feel it. I'm not saying the rest of the team wasn't, I'm saying Jason was as fucked up as I was, and I could sense he was having the same trouble I had making sure my head and not my sentiments were into the case.

But if anything happened to Reid, I didn't know what I was capable of doing.

At a certain point, I got sick of reading and not doing anything and decided to look around the house again if we had missed anything. Derek went along. One part of me felt he wanted to stay away from JJ too. Maybe he was as mad as I was about her leaving Reid alone. I know I couldn't blame her, but I did it anyway.

- "Guys!! I think I've got something!"- Derek yelled, and I ran over. He opened a door that led to a basement. I walked right behind him, pointing my gun and my flashlight all over. But there was no sign of Reid.

- "Tobias Hankel!!"- Morgan shouted. Someone was sitting in what looked to be a gigantic freezer- "Tobias!"- but we didn't get any response. I took a step closer and examined carefully.

- "Morgan, I think we just found Hankel's father."

Spencer's point of view

On my second night in that cabin, I met Tobias. The third personality of Hankel walked into the room, carrying what seemed to be a dead deer. He looked as frightened as I was.

- "You need to eat."

- "What's your name?"

- "Tobias."

- "Tobias, who was here before?"

- "Probably my father."

He looked at me up and down, and he immediately understood what he had done to me. It was scary how he could dissociate. Someone with multiple personality disorder is usually unaware of the other personality states and memories when an alter is dominant. In this case, Tobias knew the other personalities but considered them different persons. He didn't think they were all in his head.

- "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

He looked at me like he understood everything I had been going through. Maybe he had been through something similar when his father was alive. Perhaps he had been a victim of Hankel as well, and that's what triggered his psychopathic nature.

He walked over and took out his belt.

- "What are you doing?"- he wrapped it around my arm, and I started begging him to stop.

- "It helps"- he took out of his pocket a needle and a small bottle of what seemed to be some kind of drug.

- "Don't tell my father. He doesn't know they are here."

- "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it, please"- I cried and begged.

- "It helps. I know"- it was the last thing Tobias said before the needle found my vein.

And he was right. It helped. Every single amount of pain I was feeling disappeared. My brain shut down. Somehow, everything was ok. I never had in my entire life felt so good before.

My mind kept flashing memories of when I was a kid. I kept seeing images of the day my father left and how he called my mother crazy.

- "You are weak"- mom spit those words after he refused to take me with him. I know she said it not because she didn't want me with her, but because mom knew she was sick and wanted the best for me. And he refused.

- "I'm not weak."- I whispered as I looked at her smiling back at me.

- "I know, honey."

I don't know how long I was drugged, but when I woke up, Tobias wasn't there with me anymore. It was his father.

And the torture continued.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Gideon was trying to convince me to go out with Prentiss and JJ to see a Narcotics anonymous's contact that might give us more information about Tobias. Emily had found some flyers about it in his room, and it could be the only lead we had to find him and Reid.

- "You need to get out of this house for a while"- he whispered and tapped on my back.

I knew he wasn't the one to be loving or physical with people, less with me. But that moved me. I turned to him and my eyes watered up. I was scared, and I couldn't hide it anymore. The more hours passed, the fewer the chances were to find Spencer safe. Alive.

I felt his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight, trying to keep the pieces of me together. We were alone on the porch, and though I didn't want to fall apart, I couldn't hold it anymore.

Jason didn't say a word. He just hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I didn't say anything either. I actually couldn't because I was overwhelmed with everything.

- "Are you ready, (Y/N)?"

Prentiss whispered as she walked over with JJ. I turned my back at them for a second to hide the tears that kept falling down my cheeks. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, 'cos it was obvious I had been sobbing, but they gave me the courtesy of not saying anything.

- "You go, I need (Y/N)'s assistance with some diary entries"- the two of them walked away quietly, and thankfully, didn't argue with Gideon.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and felt his hand on my shoulder one more time.

- "You are doing a fantastic job,"- he said and turned around.

I wish I could tell you that made me feel better, but instead, I just thought I had the duty to bring my friend back home safe.

It had been at least an hour since the girls left. Morgan, Hotch, Gideon, and the police chief were in the living room with me, reading. I sipped my hundredth cup of coffee and re-read the same diary entry for the third time.

- "There's something weird going on here."- I thought out loud and walked towards Gideon

- "You think?"- the police chief turned to me and raised an eyebrow, ironically.

- "No, seriously, check this out. This journal is filled with religious ramblings. He notated hour by hour: "November 15th, 3:17, if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will", and it goes on and on: 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42."

I made a short pause and looked at Gideon and Hotch. They didn't get where I was going.

- "But then, it goes blank for days."

- "Maybe he got sick of writing"- I seriously hated that police chief.

- "I think I got it"- Hotch whispered- "Journal entry: "December 6th. Father is sick. He wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill. He said, honor thy father. Must pray for guidance."

- "So he kills his father as an act of mercy?"- Gideon asked, knowing the answer.

- "This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel's father had been dead for four months already."

- "That's exactly it"- I murmured, thinking Tobias Hankel was way more fucked up than we thought.

- "Look at the floor"- Derek pointed at a chair and moved it- "These scuffs marks are fresh. It's like two people were pushing the chairs constantly, trying to fight for control."

- "So?"- I swear to God, that chief was driving me insane.

- "This journal matches Charles Hankel's handwriting, but it was written after he died"- I explained. Still, it felt he wasn't following me.

- "What do you mean?"

- "Upstairs, Tobias' bedroom got junk piled from floor to ceiling, but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection."

- "So, are you telling me one of Tobias' personalities was his father?"

Apparently, I had to draw a picture so the chief would get it. Fortunately, Gideon continued explaining the whole problem before I lost what was left of my patience.

- "Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code, black and white, right and wrong. When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give."

- "His brain couldn't handle the moral contradiction, so he split into two personalities to keep his father alive."

Hotch tried to put it most easy and simple words possible.

- "So, who is Raphael?"

- "My guess, he is a mediator between the two"- Gideon nodded at my words and sighed.

- "Angels have no human emotions, live or die. They don't care, as long it's God's will."

- "We need to start profiling Tobias' father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid."

Finally, I felt we were going somewhere.

When Emily and JJ came back, they gave us the news. Tobias was addicted to Dilaudid, which explained the fracture in his mind, and how he lived with three distinct personalities.

The police chief announced a computer store robbery, giving us some hopes that Tobias would use them to track him down.

- "Guys!! Guys!! get in here!!- I heard Derek shouting and I ran to the computer room. I felt sick in the stomach in less than a second. There he was, Spencer. My Spencer Walter Reid, tied to a chair, bleeding, shoeless. Clearly tortured.

- "He's been beating,"- I whispered, feeling my eyes water up. I would have given anything to be there instead of him.

- "Can you track him?!"- JJ yelled by my side, and I nearly smacked her. That's how sensitive I was feeling.

- "Hankel's only streaming this to his home computer."- Garcia whispered. And my heart dropped with those words.

That wasn't what I was supposed to hear. We were supposed to find him and bring him back safe.

- "This is for us"- Gideon didn't take his eyes from the screen- "He knows we are here."

- "I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick"- Morgan was so mad I believed him. I wanted to do the same, if worse.

- "I'm gonna kill him myself as soon as we find him,"- I said and felt Aaron's hand on my shoulder as he asked Garcia

- "Why can't you locate him?"

- "He's rerouting to a different IP address every 30 seconds. I can't track him."

It knew it had to be hard if Penelope couldn't find her, but that didn't help. If anything, it made everything worse. I felt powerless. Hankel couldn't be more intelligent than us.

Spencer's point of view

- "Are you ready, boy?"- Hankel pulled my hair and forced me to look at him. I was still as high as fuck, but knew I was about to be tortured again.

- "Ready for what?"

- "My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason"- if the reason was to get me into drugs, then the answer was yes.

Hankel placed a video camera in front of me.

- "Can you really see inside men's minds?"- he asked me and made a pause, pointing to three screens- See these vermin?

It took me a second to realize he was showing me images of real people. He had put cameras in those people's houses. How? When? What kind of sick game did he want me to play with him?

- "Choose one to die. I let you choose one to live."

- "No"- I didn't even think about my answer.

- "I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

- "You are a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word is not true."

I don't know if it was because of the drugs or because I hadn't eaten or drank any water in too long, but I was somehow resigned and tired of fighting.

- "The other heathens are watching- Hankel announced and pointed at the camera in front of me."

My eyes fixated on the camera right away. My team was watching me. (Y/N) was watching me. I didn't want to make her worry even more. I needed her to know I was ok. I know I wasn't, but I didn't want her to worry about me.

- "Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved"- Hankel was sick. It was all a game, and religion was just an excuse to kill.

- "I won't get to choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

Hankel didn't like my answer, 'cos he grabbed me and pulled me up, looking into my eyes, insulted, annoyed, losing his temper.

- "Can you really see into my mind, boy?"

He was honestly scary, and it petrified me to think he could execute me right there, in front of the team, and I could never tell them how much they mean.

- "Can you see I'm not a liar?!"- he insisted. I nearly whimpered but made my best not to break- "Choose one to die and save a life. Otherwise, they are all dead."

He dropped me on the chair and turned around. It was clear he wasn't joking. I took a deep breath and nodded.

- "Alright, I'll choose who lives."

- "They are all the same"

My eyes traveled across all the monitors. It was nearly impossible to pick one person to live, knowing all the other people there would die. Hankel was sick, and I had to set a plan to escape because otherwise, I would end up dead.

- "Far right screen,"- I whispered. He turned around and nodded.

Then, he recited the name and address of the woman on the screen. I prayed for the team to find her before Hankel came after her too.

No. It wasn't Hankel this time.

- "Raphael,"- I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at the screen again. The woman we were watching picked up the phone. She was in her kitchen. He walked around, frowned, and turned to her computer. In a second, she had turned it off. My team had reached her. She was safe, I hoped.

Hankel turned the camera off and looked at me.

- "You've done your part. Now it's my turn."

I knew what that meant. It wasn't good.

He left the cabin, and all I could see were the monitors in front of me. Those people were going to die. They were going to die because I didn't pick them. I killed them. You don't need to pull a trigger to kill someone. I could never forget those words. And this time, they meant more than anytime before. I didn't press a trigger, but I had killed two innocent people. And I actually had to watch them die.

When I saw Rapahel walk into the victims' house, I tried to close my eyes and think of anything else. A part of me kept thinking he wasn't going to kill them. He just wanted to threaten me.

But not. Raphael slaughtered them.

I found myself craving whatever it was that Tobias had given me the night before. The drug in my veins had given me a kind of peace I had never felt. And I never thought I'd have either. The type of peace that can be addictive, 'cos it turns your head off. And God knows, sometimes I needed to turn my head off.

Remembering everything that has ever happened to me, especially all the awful things, wasn't a gift. It was a burden. And whatever it was that Tobias had put in my veins, it had taken that burden from my shoulders, at least for a couple of hours.

Who wouldn't want some more of that peace?

- "Reid!"- Gideon's voice took me from my thoughts. He was sitting right in front of the camera in the victim's house. He was there with Hotch and the police, investigating the crime scene.

- "If you are watching this, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? he is perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break you."

I know he meant it. But I couldn't believe any of that, not after watching a family get slaughter just because I didn't pick them.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "I thought you were going to try and get some rest,"- I said as JJ walked to me in silence. I made myself my hundredth cup of coffee, and she just showed up next to me, trying to engage in conversation, I guess.

- "Everybody else is working. I should be too."

- "We can handle it,"- I whispered and refused to look at her. I swear I was trying not to hate her, but it was getting harder and harder with every hour that passed without finding Reid.

- "It's funny, I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is... well... Reid"- she chuckled, nervously and I just looked at her and nodded. I didn't even smile. I didn't move a muscle.

I didn't want to be with her, or anyone, as a matter of fact. And I wasn't going to hide it anymore. So I tried to walk away.

- "You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

I stopped walking and looked at her. You could tell she was having a hard time facing the whole situation, and most of all, you could tell she felt guilty.

That really didn't stop me from being mad at her. I was trying to be the better woman during the investigation, but the uncertainty was getting on my nerves.

- "JJ, go get some rest,"- I tried to answer calmly, but I knew I was looking at her like she was dead to me.

- "I can tell that's what you are thinking, so..."

- "I just wanna get Spencer home safe."

- "But... if I had his back like I was supposed to do, he'd be here now"- and that was enough.

- "JJ, what the fuck do you want from me?"

- "I just...."- she was about to cry, you could tell- "I want someone to tell me the truth."

- "You want the truth? Ok, there you go: I would have never left him alone. None of this would have happened if I had been the one with him out there! 'cos I would never let anyone or anything hurt him!!"

I shouted. All the anger I had been feeling those days was finally getting off my chest. And fuck, it felt good.

- "You fucked it up, JJ, and if something happens to Spencer, I am never going to forgive you, never!"

JJ bit her lips, trying her best not to cry. But I still couldn't feel sorry for her.

- "Is that the truth you were looking for?"

- "(Y/L/N)?"- Hotch stood next to me with the most annoyed look in his eyes.

I knew I was out of line, but this wasn't about work anymore. This was personal. This was Reid we were talking about, and JJ had fucked it up. There was nothing to discuss.

- "What? You sent him with her, now she is here, and he isn't. What else is there to say?"

- "(Y/N)!"- Hotch followed me as I stormed out of the kitchen and out of the cabin- "(Y/N)! stop!"

- "What?!"- and I simply snapped- "Are you gonna suspend me for telling her the truth? Are you going to fire me for losing my shit while working a case!? Fine! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! All I care about right now is that my best friend is missing, and a fucking psychopath has him! That's all I can think of. That's all I've been thinking about for the last two days!"

I was yelling at Hotch. I was yelling at my unit chief. I was fucked. I knew he was going to fire me after that. But I couldn't help it. I was going insane. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I held my cup of coffee tight, holding onto it with my life.

- "(Y/N), we are all worried about Reid."

- "I know you are all worried. I am too, and I'm also afraid and mad and going fucking insane knowing I am standing here not knowing what to do to save him."

- "That doesn't give you the right to treat JJ like this is her fault"- I don't know if he was talking like my unit chief or like a father figure trying to end a fight between two of his kids.

- "Did she stay with Reid?"- I simply replied and looked at Hotch in the eyes- "Did she?"

- "She is not the only one who feels guilty, so do I. And I know I won't forgive myself if anything happens to Reid."

Hotch made a pause and tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. The door opened, and Gideon walked to us. He knew what was going on, and he didn't say a thing. I was sure he had already heard everything. We weren't actually arguing quietly.

- "We are not getting any closer,"- Aaron finally said.

- "Reid is brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive"- Gideon's words were way more hopeful than my thoughts. In my mind, Reid was too scared to think of a way to escape.

- "You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain. But I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."

Hotch whispered, and his words were filled with regret. I was filled with anger and anxiety, and I know the two of them felt the same. But they way better at handling their feelings.

- "Lead by example,"- Jason answered, probably trying to make him feel better.

- "What kind of example is that?"- I simply replied, and both of them stayed in silence.

I don't think my words helped Hotch, but I wasn't trying to do that either. I was just honest. And Hotch's emotional assistance was shit on the field. Even Gideon was better.

- "He'll make it,"- Jason reassured us and nodded- "Now stop arguing and go back to work."

Spencer's point of view

I was glad when Tobias came to me that night with a needle in his hand and put the drug into my vein. I needed some release after watching a family die 'cos I didn't save them.

- "I'm sorry I had to leave"- he excused himself, preparing the drug next to me.

- "You can leave again, and you can take me with you,"- I begged in a soft voice.

- "My father would be angry,"- he replied and didn't even look at me. This time, I didn't even argue when he wrapped the belt around my arm. I was even a little eager he'd do it faster.

- "Not if he can't find us."

- "He always finds me."

- "If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they'll save us."

He gave me a look, mixed with horror and resignation. It broke my heart to think for a moment of all the horrors that lead Tobias to be as sick as he was.

- "We can't be saved,"- he simply replied.

- "We can, we can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I'll save us both."

- "Listen to me. It's not worth fighting."

Somehow, I understood why he said that. I was afraid and shaking but still did my best not to think of all the pain I was in, of the terror that haunted me day and night.

- "Tell me it doesn't make it better- he said and showed me the needle."

I couldn't say no, 'cos he was right. It did. The drugs made his horrible situation bearable. I could understand why someone decided to use something to avoid the pain. I had faced all and each one of the pain and horrors in my life sober. It was time life was a little bit sweeter, in a sick way.

I remembered being twelve. Mom had had one of her episodes the day before, she was in bed, and I woke her up. I walked into her room and opened the curtains. It was already five in the afternoon, and she still refused to get out of bed.

- "The doctor says you need to get out of bed,"- I argued when she repeated she was just resting.

- "I've been reading"

- "He says you need exercise"- she sighed and tried to make a joke.

- "That's because his idea of good literature is Our bodies, ourselves."

- "Well, he is your doctor."

- "He is a neanderthal"- I gave up and started walking out of the room. She just laid in bed and looked at me.

- "Where are you going?"

- "I'm going to see if Jeff wants to play"- Jeff was our next-door neighbor and my only friend growing up.

- "Come here. Let me read to you."

I know Garcia made fun of me when I said my mother used to read me Valentine's sonnets when I was a kid. Most people think I have a weird relationship with mom, but they don't understand what it was like growing up with her. They don't know what it was like for a twelve-year-old boy to finish high school, facing bullies. Handling the pressure of being a kid genius and the fact I had to take care of a schizophrenic mother.

How come I didn't start using drugs earlier?

I remember that afternoon I sat next to my mother, and she made me pick one of the many books she had with her on the bed. I choose Proust. I knew she loved it. I loved it as well.

"For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say, "I'm going to sleep."

I can still hear her voice, reading to me. Both of us avoided reality for a while, hiding in the books. I always do it regardless. I hide in the books to forget. I hide in knowledge to avoid acknowledging the real personal issues I have. I hide in my work saving people when no one ever saved me.

I work catching psychopaths when I know I might actually have a mental issue myself. I might end up just like mom, and it frightens me so much; there are many nights I can't even close an eye. If I get sick too, then no one will take care of her. I am the only one in her life. And she is the only one in mine.

She and (Y/N), but there is no way my best friend would ever take care of me if I got sick. Not because she wouldn't want to do it, but because I would never let her. I don't want to be a burden in her life. And she would hate me, I know. And I could never live in a world where (Y/N) hates me. Not then, not now.

(Y/N). She is the best thing that happened to me in the BAU. Yes, I had a family with my team, but she was different. She was my life. She was the reason why I smiled. She was the one person that made me feel I was important to someone. I knew the rest of my friend loved me, but I loved her.

That was it. I loved (Y/N). And I was scared I was never going to see her again.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was standing next to Penelope. She kept trying to force me to eat. She knew I was living on coffee, but I just couldn't swallow anything. She held my hand as the two of us stared at the screens, hopefully waiting for Hankel to make contact again.

- "Any more signs of Reid?"- JJ walked over to us slowly and looked at me, afraid I might snap on her again. I just shook my head and sighed, doing my best to be nice to her.

- "He just posted the last murder online."

- "It had over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes,"- Penelope added, and her voice was so full of revulsion. It was clear she couldn't handle the horror in the human mind.

- "I want to see it,"- JJ said, and I frowned, confused.

- "No, you don't,"- Garcia answered and looked at me- "Come on, munchkin, just eat one cookie, please."

- "Don't tell me what I want and don't want!"- JJ's tone shocked us both. She was severe and angry. She was rude at Penelope, and for a second, I almost snapped again.

- "If I can't watch this..."- JJ whispered and glued her eyes on the screen- "I have no business being in the field."

She looked at me when she was done talking, and for once during those awful days, I felt some kind of compassion for her. She had to be feeling like shit, no doubt, and no matter how mad I was at her, she was still my friend, and I didn't want her to suffer either.

- "JJ, it's not a competition,"- I tried to say in the softest voice possible.

- "I... I need to see it."

- "If you stop being affected by things, you lose parts of yourself, you know."

It was somehow ironic that I was the one saying those things. Me of all people in that team. Me, the one who was afraid the most of losing herself in work.

- "Show me"- she finally looked at Garcia, ignoring my words, and Penelope pleased her. She pushed play and simply said

- "I won't watch this with you."

García held my hand, walking me out of the room, leaving JJ alone in the room. She sighed and wiped the tears that started falling down her eyes.

- "I don't know how you do it either"- she whispered- "I don't know how you watch those things every day and don't go insane."

- "If it makes you feel better, I don't know how I do either, and it scared me to think my heart might be numbing with each case we solve. With every psychopath we catch."

- "We are gonna find him"- she assured me and held my hands tight- "We are bringing him home safe, I swear."

- "Let's go find Gideon,"- I said, nodding at her words- "He needs to know Tobias posted the last murder."

Jason was mad, beyond furious. He was losing it. Derek and Prentiss kept trying to crack Hankel and discover where he had taken Reid. Meanwhile, Garcia, Gideon, and I made our best to take the video of the murder from the web.

- "I have a list of everyone from the file-sharing chain. I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus,"- Garcia said and started typing as fast as possible. I just stared at the screen, waiting for something, anything to happen.

But I wasn't waiting for what came next.

- "Confess your sins"- Hankel's voice made me jump, and the sight of Reid, still tied to that chair, bleeding, and being tortured, broke my heart again.

- "Confess!!"- that sick psychopath shouted and hit him.

- "I haven't done anything,"- Spencer sobbed, but it was useless. Hankel kept punching him, over and over again, even when my best friend begged for mercy.

I felt Jason hold my hand as I was holding Garcia's. The three of us felt powerless, useless, angry, and scared, all at the same time. I couldn't bear to watch Reid being tortured, but at the same time, I was so glad he was still alive.

That until Hankel beat him so hard, he pushed him back in the chair, and Reid started convulsing.

- "He is killing him,"- Penelope cried, and I closed my eyes, biting my lips. Spencer was choking, and that mother fucker just stood there, watching him die.

- "That's the devil vacating your body"- he spit those words as Reid simply passed out. I didn't know if he was dead. I didn't know if he was going to make it. Shit! I didn't know anything.

I let go of Jason and Penelope and stormed out of the room. I was unprofessional, and I knew it, but I knew I would quit if anything happened to Reid. I wasn't going to stay working at the BAU if Spencer died.

- "Are you ok?"- Derek grabbed my arm. I just broke into tears and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

- "He's dying! We can't find him!!"- I sobbed against his chest.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"- I heard Penelope yelling as we all rushed back to the computer room. Hankel was giving CPR to Reid, trying to bring him back to life.

- "Come on, come on, please,"- I begged as I watched him pushing his chest over and over again until Spencer woke up, gasping for air.

- "Thank God!"- Hotch sighed and rubbed his hands against his face. The whole team let out a breath of relief simultaneously, and I kept watching Reid. His opened eyes gave me hope.

- "Wait,"- Prentiss said suddenly- "When was the video of the last murder posted?"

- "Nine thirty"- Penelope answered

- "And when was the time of death?"

- "The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later."- Hotch added and didn't even turn to look at Prentiss. We were all still shocked looking at the screen.

- "That's just a 19 minutes difference,"- I said and turned to García- "How long would it take to post that file?"

- "Two or three minutes."

- "Let's call it two,"- I said, getting excited- "You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene."

For a second, I felt I was rambling facts just like Reid would. It made me miss him even more.

- "García, can we see it on the map?"- Aaron whispered. He was clearly affected, and it also made me feel selfish, knowing I had made a tantrum with the whole team, forgetting they were suffering as well.

- "Call chief Farraday"- Jason commanded as soon as we saw the map of the area on the screen- "I want that area locked down like it's martial law."

JJ stood up and grabbed her phone but didn't make the call. García warned us something was going on with Reid and all of us stared at the screen in silence.

Spencer was on his back on the floor, still tied to a chair. It was clear he wasn't fully conscious of what was happening.

- "You came back to life,"- mother fucker Hankel said, spitting the words in anger.

- "Raphael,"- Reid whispered, recognizing one of his personalities.

- "There can be only one of two reasons."

- "I was given CPR,"- my friend whispered, but it was clear that wasn't one of the psycho's options.

- "There are no accidents. How many members of our team are watching us right now?"

- "Seven."

- "The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail, and they were thrown to the earth."

- "He thinks it's the revelations"- Hotch explained- "The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death."

I didn't know much about religion, but it didn't take a genius to figure out he didn't believe we were the good guys.

- "Tell me who you serve."

- "I serve you,"- Reid answered right away. His voice was a whisper. He had to be exhausted.

- "Then choose one to die"

- "What?!"

- "Your team members, choose one to die"- I knew what he was going to answer at that, and I didn't want to hear it.

- "Kill me,"- he replied immediately, and I closed my eyes, unable to watch what would happen next.

- "You said you weren't one of them."

- "I lied."

- "Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies."

- "No"- Penelope gasped, and Prentiss cursed. I opened my eyes and nearly fainted. Hankel had a gun pointed against Reid's forehead.

The silence amongst the team was unbearable. Neither of us knew what to do. We were all panicking, praying, desperate.

- "Choose and prove you'll do God's will."

- "No."

Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed until Hakel pulled the trigger, and no bullet came out. I nearly sigh, but it wasn't over.

- "Choose"- he repeated

- "I won't do it"- Hankel didn't even wait. He just pulled the trigger, and we all jumped at the same time. He was safe again.

- "Life is a choice."

- "No,"- Reid repeated once again. And Hankel pulled the trigger for the third time.

- "Choose"- and for the first time, Spencer made a pause. Was going to pick one of us to die?

- "I choose"- the whispered- "Aaron Hotchner."

Derek and I looked at him, and his pale face didn't move a muscle.

- "He's the classic narcissist. He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 "Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense."

Hotch stormed out of the room as Hankel pulled the trigger one more time and shot the wall.

I felt I was going to puke. If Reid hadn't picked one of us, he would be dead.

- "For God's will,"- the mother fuck said, as he put another bullet in the gun after removing the casing.

I couldn't look anymore. I followed Gideon and Derek to find Aaron going through all Tobias's diaries on the table.

- "I'm not a narcissist,"- he said as soon as he saw us.

- "Come on. Look, you can't think anything from that"- Jason tried to calm him down, in case he was somehow affected by what Reid had just said on camera- "He is not in his right mind, Hotch."

- "No, stop, stop. Alright, everybody, right now: what's my worst quality?"

He had to be kidding. We all stared at him, muted, lost in that conversation. What was his point? Neither of us said a word. We just looked at each other, confused and awkward.

- "Ok, I'll start. I have no sense of humor."

- "You are a bully,"- JJ added.

- "You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,"- I said, and he nodded.

- "Right."

- "You don't trust women as much as men"- you could feel it in Prentiss's voice. That one was personal.

- "Ok, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. He also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it."

Hotch gave me the book. He wasn't even breathing as she spoke. He was in a hurry. We were all.

- "I'm a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead of my sight."

- "He wouldn't get it wrong unless it were on purpose."

- "He is in a cemetery."- I said and looked at him. He nodded, and I swear to God, I saw a slight smile on his lips. That smile was hope. We were getting closer.

Spencer's point of view

I took a sip of water. I hadn't drunk in days, and my throat burned. I was still a little lost, still a little off.

- "Tobias, is that you?"- I saw him nod, sitting next to me. He moved the cup of water closer so that I could drink some more.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and looked at him- You saved my life- he stared down at the ground and finally whispered

- "I'm sorry."

- "Why?"

- "He'll win in the end."

It was sad to see Tobias Hankel's good person locked inside a sick mind that also held a psychopath like his father.

- "Tobias, I need to know something. It's important. Are we in a cemetery?"- and he nodded. I smiled at him and sighed, relieved. Help was coming. My team was coming.

- "I used to come here to get high."

- "I was right."

- "No one bothers you here. I never told anyone about it."

He wrapped his belt around my arm, and I turned to him, still smiling. I didn't know if I were happy I was right or glad I would get high again. Maybe both. Maybe the second 'cos the minute that needle got to my vein, that sweet, sweet release felt like a bath of joy that washed away any pain, regret, or guilt I could have ever felt.

Guilt. I've had my share of that. I remember the day I had my mom admitted to the hospital. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't take care of herself, and they're just so much I could do. I wasn't able to keep her safe from herself, from her mind.

- "What are these men doing here?"- she asked me as I walked with two nurses into the study. She was writing and reading. It was all she did, preparing lectures for classes she didn't have to give, in imaginary campuses.

I stood in front of her and hesitated for a second. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, telling mom I was taking her away from her own house.

- "They are from the hospital. They are here to help,"- I whispered and looked at my mother's confused expression. She was so thin. She looked so sick. I felt so guilty I couldn't do better for her.

- "I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission, tell them, Spencer."

She looked down at her books again and tried to continue writing. I took a deep breath, I knew I would break her heart, but there was nothing else I could do.

- "I called them"- she looked at me in pain. Deep, honest pain. Like I had just shattered her heart. Which I had done.

- "Spencer"- she simply whispered and stared into my eyes, begging for an explanation. I was trying my best not to cry. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. I was going to explain to her how good it was for her to be in a place where someone could continuously take care of her. I had facts and statistics, but all I managed to say was:

- "I'm doing this for you."

And I felt like a liar. 'Cos, there was a part of me that was doing it for myself too.

- "This isn't legal"- she shook her head in shock and kept trying to find a good explanation to what was going on.

- "Your son is eighteen, ma'am. He can act in your welfare,"- one of the make nurses explained to her.

- "You need help,"- I said and prayed she could understand. But she just burst into tears and begged.

- "I wanna stay here!"

- "I'm... sorry, mom."

- "Please, these are my things, this is my life..."

Those men took her. They took her from her house and put her in a hospital. No. I put her there. I put my mom in a hospital so I could live my life, 'cos I am selfish and couldn't take care of her anymore.

- "Spencer, please, don't do this to me."

Those were the words that haunted me day and night. And my mother's crying face, begging me not to take her from her own house.

What kind of a son am I? I did that to her. I put her in a mental place 'cos I couldn't deal with her disease anymore. 'Cos I didn't know how to take care of her.

- "What are you sorry for, boy?"- I heard Hankel ask when I woke up. I was muttering, "Sorry" as I came back from my trip.

- "I sent her away."

- "Who."

- "My mom. I couldn't help her."

- "Is that a confession?"- I nodded and looked around, confused. Lost. High- "You know the bible. Exodus 21:17"

- "And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,"- I whispered, scared and full of regret.

I heard him walk towards me. He kneeled and uncuffed me. I didn't know what was happening. Honestly, I was still too high to get what was going on around me.

- "Grab a shovel,"- he commanded and walked outside.

I was too weak to dig fast. I don't know how I was actually moving, but I was digging my own grave. I never thought I would ever end up doing such a thing. It's not something you think about, actually. Not unless you work in the BAU. Here, you start analyzing and considering the way you'll die: 'Cos you could, every day.

- "I ought to bury you alive in there, give you some time to think about what you've done,"- Hankel said and looked at me while I worked, playing with a knife.

- "I know what I've done."

- "Don't talk back to me! Dig!"

I pant and kept moving, very slowly, trying to buy myself some time too. I was sure the team was coming to get me any minute now. I was counting on them, though the more I thought about it, the less worthy of salvation I felt. Maybe I deserved to die after all.

I was almost certain I had seen some lights moving in the back. Flashlights. But it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I was too tired. And still too high, too.

- "Dig faster!"- he commanded me as I moved, losing my breath.

- "I'm not strong enough"- I cried, 'cos I felt like that. Like a failure, a child that aimed to be a grown-up and failed miserably. A bad son. The worst agent. A fake that deserved to die.

- "You are all weak!! Get out of there!"

Hankel took off his coat and left it on the ground. I slowly moved so he could dig for me, but the lights in the back took my attention, and he noticed. As soon as he turned around, I quickly grabbed his coat and reached out for the gun.

- "You've only got one bullet, son,"- he said as he looked at me. And I just pulled the trigger.

I shot him. I killed him. Hankel. Raphael. Tobias. I freed Tobias. Or at least, that is what I wanted to think.

- "Reid!!"- I heard (Y/N) yelling as I crawled to Tobia's body. He was still awake. He was himself.

- "You killed him"- he said, and he was relieved- "Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?"

- "I'm sorry,"- I whispered, and he was gone.

- "Reid!!"

(Y/N) yelled and ran over. She kneeled next to me and held me in her arms. I couldn't move, because for a few seconds, I couldn't believe she was real. She was there.

- "Honey, honey, are you ok? Can you hear me?"- she said, and tears started falling from her eyes- "Honey, it's me."

I just looked at her and hugged her. I hugged her as my life depended on it. There she was, next to me, finally.

- "I thought I was never going to see you again,"- I whispered and sobbed.

The urge to kiss her filled my whole body. I needed to taste her. I needed to show her how much I had needed her those days. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want to let her go. I didn't for a few minutes. I just hold onto her for my sanity. She kissed my forehead, cupping my face with both hands.

- "I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you are ok... let's go to the ambulance, ok?"- I nodded but didn't let her go. I felt I could hold her forever. I wanted to keep her close for as long as I lived.

But the rest of the team gathered around us, and I wanted to thank them too. I needed to thank Hotch. So as soon as I let (Y/N) go, I wrapped my arms around him.

- "You alright?"- he asked me.

- "I knew you'd understand,"- I managed to say with tears falling from my eyes and a knot in my throat.

For a moment, I thought I was never going to see the team again. My family.

JJ held me close and apologized. I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone, but I was the only one culpable for what had happened. I wanted to prove myself, and all I managed to do was prove I was a fool. A useless SSA.

- "It's alright, it wasn't your fault,"- I said and did my best to smile at her. But I know I failed. Gideon grabbed my arm and nodded.

- "Let's get you out of here."

- "Please,"- I whispered before we started walking- "Can I have a second alone?"- he looked at me and nodded, looking at Tobias' body lying by our side. He walked away, and I kneeled next to my capturer.

But instead of paying my respects, instead of cursing. Instead of anything, I took the Dilaudid bottles from his pocket and put them into mine.

And that's how the real hell started.

--

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @svveet-peas @muffin-cup @shilohpug

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: May 5th, 2021

[moonshineboyz]

Stupid Sorry || Kim Sunwoo

Pairing: Sunwoo x fem reader

Genre: angst, lovers to exes

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: cheating, Sunwoo is an asshole, tiny tiny bit mention of alcohol??

a/n: sunwoo baby i'm so sorry, ily okay? xjwodowndw i got a little too engaged in this one and it may or may not has been based on some personal experiences,,,

masterlist ♡

You should've listened when everyone told you that high school sweethearts not always are meant to last, or that you were too young and naïve to enter a relationship during that time. But you chose to ignore all of it, following what your heart wanted. You were too infatuated with Sunwoo to say 'no' when he asked you out for the first time, fidgeting with his own fingers and trying hard to maintain eye contact with you.

You were part of the same group of friends, even though you didn't talk much to each other back then. But you found yourself head over heels for him since day one. Sunwoo was absolutely handsome and a kind person, his sweet voice echoing in your ears every time he laughed. It was impossible not to fall for him.

And that's how you two ended up dating throughout the years of high school.

Everything was perfect in the beginning; you were always together in between classes and during breaks of his soccer training, sharing small displays of affection and little pecks on the lips. You had lovely dates at cafes, movie theaters and parks whenever it was possible. You felt so happy with him, and he seemed so happy with you too.

All your friends used to gush over how you and Sunwoo were such a cute couple, even daring to say you guys were relationship goals. Everything just felt so right with him, just a simple look into his eyes and it was enough for you to feel just as loved as he was by you.

One year into the relationship already and it was like you were living in a fairytale. But then it happened.

Sunwoo was napping in your bed while you finished a book you were reading; you had come home after your last exam for the semester and Sunwoo promised he'd treat you to some ice cream since you hadn't had much time for each other in the past two weeks. But he said he needed to rest just a little, due to the past late-night trainings with his team. You agreed and offered him your bed.

It wasn't long till his phone started vibrating on your desk, to which you brushed it off at first. But it didn't stop, and then you thought that maybe it could be something important. You grabbed his phone and a female name appeared in the notifications, there were several messages attached to it. Your heart sank. It was the same name as the girl he swore that wasn't his ex but only an old crush of his, and that they didn't even talk anymore.

"Did he lie?" Was all you could think. You couldn't seem to understand if nor even why he would lie about this, you were very open with each other and there wouldn't be a problem for him to tell you about his past lovers, or who they were.

With his phone still on your hand, you glanced at his sleeping figure and back to the screen, wondering if it was okay to take advantage of the fact that you knew each other's passwords. You didn't want to look through his stuff, it was his privacy, you felt bad in doing that but something inside you was screaming to do it. You could already feel the guilt creeping up. His phone vibrated again and it was the last straw for you.

You unlocked the screen and opened the texts, your eyes running through them. She was saying things like "I miss you"; "When are we going to see each other again?"; "It's been such a long time"; and even some suggestive pictures from her. The worst part was that your boyfriend was responding to the girl, flirting back, saying he missed her too.

You didn't even realize when you fell to the floor on your knees, hands shaking almost dropping the cellphone. Putting the item aside, the shock consuming your body, you sat there in the middle of your room, hugging your knees close to your chest while tears were starting to blur your vision, and you let them out. Crying so much but trying hard not to sob loudly so Sunwoo wouldn't wake up. Heart miles per hour and mind a total mess. For how long has this been happening?

It was hurting so bad, like a thousand knives cutting through your chest. You didn't know what to do. You didn't know what to think. Should you break up and end everything after confronting him? And how should you do it? What should you ask exactly? Even though it was painful, part of you didn't want to break up. You knew it was ridiculous to not want to do that, to not want to put yourself in the first place, but you didn't want to be alone. Sunwoo was the first guy who showed any interest in you and you felt like the only girl in the world. And not to mention, you didn't want to have to tell your parents and friends the reason why you two broke up. What would your parents say about it? And your friends? Your family liked Sunwoo so much, he was already part of it, and both you and Sunwoo had mutual friends. You didn't want to go through it.

The young boy eventually woke up to you pacing around with heavy steps, he looked at you confused and called out your name, making you jump startled. You rubbed your eyes wiping the remaining tears and faced him, waiting for him to say anything while you thought of what to say, heart beating fast again. He let out a "Baby, what's wrong?", and you felt sick at the nickname. Tossing the phone on his lap you asked who was that girl and "What the fuck does that mean?", chocked voice trying to sound firm.

Sunwoo immediately approached you dropping to his knees and holding your waist, his teary eyes looking up at you while he mumbled a lot of apologies, saying he didn't know why he was doing that and begging you not to leave him. You could only stare back at the wall in front of you, a blank and expressionless face. He hugged you even tighter burying his crying face in your belly. You wanted to scream, to yell at his face. You wanted to be swallowed by a hole in the ground and just disappear. But you couldn't even move, just listening to his lame excuses and stupid "I'm sorry"s, his voice sounding far away.

After demanding him to go and leave you alone, you let your body fall on the softness of your mattress, where he was just a few minutes earlier and his scent was still there on your pillow, which made your heart hurt even more. You hugged your pillow and cried your eyes out, until your head started to ache and you fell asleep.

On the next day you met Sunwoo and he swore he didn't do anything with the girl, it was just texts, and yes that was his ex. Didn't matter how you looked into it, it still counted as cheating for you. But you decided to give him another chance anyway, because as you stated to yourself, you didn't want to be alone. However, the time that followed wasn't easy, at least not for you. You still felt bittersweet towards all that situation and your stomach almost churned every time he touched you or looked into your eyes saying he loved you. But it was nothing like that to Sunwoo, he never mentioned the occurred and acted as if nothing had happened.

Everything was seemingly back to normal and you were living in your fairytale once again. You could ignore that fact easier now, even though there were still times where you'd catch yourself wondering if you lacked in anything for Sunwoo. He knew very well how insecure you were, how you were afraid of him finding someone better and prettier. You always thought he deserved better and questioned what had he seen in you, and he'd say he loved you to the moon and back, that you were oh so beautiful and you were his only one. You also knew some of his own insecurities, but you just couldn't care less about other guys when you had Sunwoo.

But even though he was aware of your fears, low self-esteem and lack of confidence, it happened again.

You thought of spending the soccer training's break with your boyfriend since your class got dismissed earlier. And there he was, sitting on the side bench with one of his teammates, their backs facing you as you approached them. It seemed like they were arguing and something the other guy said made you stop in your tracks.

"Okay, but if you tell my girlfriend about me, I'm telling Y/N you kissed my sister at my party last week. I don't think she'll like that."

Your world collapsed for the second time; you could almost hear the sound of your own barely mended heart shattering again. Not wanting to believe it. You already knew that feeling but it felt way more painful in the second time.

You were still frozen when Sunwoo looked back and saw you standing there, his eyes widening. You only scoffed at him and turned to get out of there before he could even move towards you. But he was faster and reached you, grabbing your wrist to make you face him.

Silence.

He stared into your eyes for what felt like a whole hour until you snapped and yelled at him to get away from you. You didn't notice the tears rolling down your cheeks as you angrily stared back at him. The boy started weeping trying to hold your hands as he kept on babbling about being drunk at the party and saying he was sorry. "Another stupid sorry", you thought. It was comic how he believed that shedding some tears and mumbling halfhearted apologies were enough to make everything alright.

That night you cried yourself to sleep once more, ignoring all his texts and calls from the moment you stepped into your house. The hurt was so much that even your body experienced physical pain.

You spent the entire following week pretending you were too sick to get out of bed, but the truth was that you didn't want to face Sunwoo and any of your friends. Every day felt like a torture, you woke up with swollen eyes and a massive headache due to crying so much, crying over someone who didn't deserve your tears, let alone any piece of your attention. And you knew that. But you still were too pathetic to let go.

If it was hurting that much, if you knew you should just walk away, then why were you still holding onto it? It wasn't even the first time. Why even bother to stay in an already broken relationship like that? Only because you didn't want to be alone? To feel lonely? To be ashamed by the other's reactions? Especially now that you'd given him another chance before and were planning on giving one more?

Unfortunately, you couldn't deny that you loved Sunwoo. But God was it painful to love him. You didn't know if you could blindly trust him like before, but you were too deep in love with him to care. Even if it hurt.

After a whole week avoiding any and every source of contact with him, you finally sat down to listen, although you shouldn't, already cursing yourself for being in this situation again.

Sunwoo told the same lame excuses, one more time saying he didn't know what he was doing, blaming the alcohol, and that the kiss meant nothing because he still loved you. To be honest you barely even listened, just wishing to go back and pretend you had a beautiful relationship where he was very loyal and honest to you.

And so you did.

You went back to your classes next morning swearing you had a really bad flu the past week and no one seemed to doubt it. Great. You and Sunwoo were acting like lovebirds again and everything looked fine.

This time you were feeling kind of numb and didn't cry every night, but obviously this didn't mean your heart wasn't broken. You wondered how he could be so insecure like you, saying he was also afraid of some more interesting guy getting your attention but still, he was the one who cheated. Twice. Or at least you thought it was twice.

Honestly the time that passed from the second heartbreak was quite okay, Sunwoo did everything you wanted to do, treating you well and telling you sweet things. But it didn't last long.  

It was scary the fact that he never felt distant for you to suspect anything, not even in the two other times and not even now. He could manage this character so well, acting all nice and sweet but doing you dirty behind your back. Apparently, he wasn't that transparent and easy to read as you were, you couldn't see through him. He was like a foggy mirror. Not even a glass window, but a mirror, only reflecting your own image because you just couldn't see his true self. And you realized it a bit too late.

This was what you were thinking right now, seeing Sunwoo seated on a bench in the park both of you used to go to have your favorite ice cream. Under the moonlight, ready to kiss this girl, face too close, hand on her chin just like the way he always did to you. You didn't know your heart could break even more.

This time you were even seeing him shamelessly cheating on you, and you wished you didn't because it hurt so damn much. But in a way you felt thankful you were aware of this trashy behavior of his, or else you wouldn't give much credit when a random guy you've never seen messaged you in your social media saying he believed his girlfriend, which happened to be Sunwoo's classmate, was cheating on him with your boyfriend. And you wanted to see it for yourself even more after the guy told he checked the girl's phone location, went to the park and actually saw them.

"Are you done making a fool of me?"

He pulled away quickly from the girl and got up, looking at you with those fake pleading eyes saying the typical "That's not what you think it is", but you knew it was. You stared at him coldly, chewing on your bottom lip to suppress your tears. The girl quietly got up mumbling something you didn't care to listen and left.

Sunwoo took a step closer and that was when you finally broke into tears, filled with anger and sadness. You pointed a finger at him asking how could he do such a thing. Running your fingers through your hair in frustration, you took a deep breath, tired of dealing with his bullshit.

"Let's break up."

"What? But we're fine." You scoffed at this; he must had been kidding.

"No, Sunwoo, we're not fine. I'm not fine. It's enough, I'm tired." He tried to hold your hand but you pulled it. "Do you even care about how you hurt me? Have you ever been honest with me for once?"

"Oh, you want me to be honest? Fine, I'll be honest with you." He furrowed his brows. "You know that first month we started dating? I cheated on you twice. Why? Because I didn't know if what he had was going to last."

And then it hit you like a truck, more than you've ever imagined. A pain that could dilacerate you. Sure neither of you knew whether or not it'd work out, but the scene of Sunwoo shyly asking you out replayed in your head. And then on your first date he confessed he'd already been in love with you for quite some time, and you felt so happy. If he was that in love, wasn't he supposed to at least give his best and try to make the relationship work?

You looked at him in disbelief. So this was his true self? He wasn't even sorry, never had been.

Glaring into his boba eyes for the last time, your entire relationship flashed in your mind. The shared sweet kisses, shy smiles and lovingly glances, the small dates and slow dances in the quiet of his room. Everything now destroyed.

"Don't ever talk to me again." You gulped feeling a lump in your throat, not having any more strength to argue with him.  

You turned your back and began to walk away, tears falling from your eyes again.

Sunwoo didn't say his stupid sorry this time.

[atlabeth]

transferred part five - atla smau

TRANSFERRED - zuko x fem!reader 

masterlist | part four | part six 

summary:  trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know that he’s falling for you as well.

warning(s): cursing, toxic relationships, mentions of alcohol 

a/n: wow the plot actually going somewhere? who woulda thought?? also ignore how much i’ve fucked up the time tags i always forget to change them. this is all happening in the morning

taglist:  @ourbestfriend-mishacollins @lil-lex1 @xxshad0wxb1rdxx @zuko-is-the-sun @akiris @irohs-teapot @thatarthistorynerd​

He laughed at your reaction and you cracked a small smile as well. Zuko gestured towards your car with his head and then held up his phone. “Having car troubles?” 

“Yeah. It’s a piece of shit so I’m not really surprised. It’s more of a shock that I managed to get all the way here without anything going wrong, but I guess it had to happen sometime. And of course it would happen right before I have to get going!” You hit your hand against the side of your car again, hoping that maybe it would somehow jumpstart it, before shaking your head with a sigh. 

Zuko tried to stifle another laugh but it got out, and you shot him a glare. “Do you think my pain is funny?” 

“No! No, of course not. It’s just you’re ignoring the solution standing right in front of you.” 

It took a few seconds for it to click, but then you immediately started rambling. “Oh! Oh no, I don’t want to impose. I don’t wanna be a burden or make you waste gas money or be annoying or-” 

He raised his hands up and you immediately stopped. Zuko couldn’t keep the smile off of his face — not that you minded, it was cute — as he interrupted. 

“Y/N, you’re not a burden if I’m offering to give you a ride. I have class soon too so I need to get over anyways.” You opened your mouth once again to protest, but once again he stopped you. “Just please let me do this, okay? I wanted to get to know you better anyways.” 

You sighed and finally conceded, giving your car one final kick in the hopes that it would magically come back to life. “If you’re sure, then we need to get going.” You checked your phone and nearly had a heart attack. “I hope your car can go fast, because we REALLY need to get going!” 

A few minutes later you were settled in the passenger seat of Zuko’s car, trying to marvel as inconspicuously as you could at how nice it was. He wasn’t very show-offy with his money from what you could tell, but he certainly had some really nice things. 

“So, you said you wanted to know more about me? Shoot, I’m an open book.” 

“Well, for starters.. I guess I wanna know about Kyoshi. How was it?” 

You laughed and settled into your seat. “Kyoshi was amazing. It was a smaller college so I knew almost everyone and everyone knew me; it’s also where I met Suki. We ended up in the same dorm, and she’s probably the best person I’ve ever roomed with. Uh, no offense.” You glanced at Zuko and he chuckled, nodding with his head for you to go on.

“I took some really fun classes, interned for a couple places, and went to some killer parties. Let me just say that I’m probably the sappiest drunk you’ll ever see.” 

“Really? I wouldn’t peg you as the type to go that way,” Zuko remarked as he went through a turn. 

“Oh? And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing! You just seem a bit closed off, at least in comparison to your siblings.” 

“Yeah, I get that a lot..” Your sentence trailed off as your phone buzzed and you got yet another text message from a number you couldn’t bring yourself to block for some reason. You frowned as you unlocked your phone and stared at the message for a few seconds.

“Y/N? You okay?” You didn’t realize it but Zuko had pulled into a spot so his full attention was now on you. 

You were already unbuckling your seatbelt and getting your bag and gave him a weak smile at his question. “Yeah! I’m fine, just— Kyoshi was great, but.. it has some bad memories I’m trying to get away from. This-” you held your phone up before shoving it back into your pocket. “-is one of them.” 

You opened the door and hopped out, already starting to back away from the car. “Thank you so much for the ride Zuko, I’ll pay you back as soon as I can. I’ll see you later, okay?” You gave him a half-hearted wave then ran off in the direction of your lecture hall, silently cursing yourself for how you acted. 

Zuko slowly waved back then settled against his seat, wondering if he had somehow done something wrong. He thought the conversation had been nice — he had a good time talking with her — but maybe his social skills hadn’t improved as much as he imagined. He took out his phone and shot a few texts off, then locked his car and set off for his own class. 

[headheartbellarke]

LIGHT A FIRE IN MY EYES | Owen Patrick Joyner

PAIRING(S): Charlie Gillespie’s sister!Reader x Owen Patrick Joyner

WARNING(S): fluff, angst

WORDS: 3.4k

SUMMARY: where Y/N is charlie gillespie’s sister, and while living with him and owen, unexpected feelings rise up. (im so bad at these)

READER’S POV

    A rhythmic knock on my bedroom door breaks me out of my trance. I push my glasses further up my nose and close my physics textbook, dropping my pencil between the pages to bookmark it. Pushing myself off the chair, I stretch my arms above my head – I’ve been sitting at my desk for about five hours now, trying to revise everything for my exam tomorrow. I walk over to my door, and unlock it, and I’m greeted by my brother, Charlie. He takes in my appearance and frowns.

     “I thought you were still sleeping. When did you get up?”

     “Uhh…” I trail off, looking behind me at the clock mounted on the wall opposite to me. 10:30 AM.  “About 5, yeah.”

    I turn back and notice my brother widening his eyes. “Are you okay, little one?”

    I’m not a morning person, under no circumstances ever. Growing up, I’ve always been the last person to wake up – Charlie being the first. So, I guess it’s awfully unusual for him to hear this.

     “This is college, honey. You wouldn’t know.” I shrug at him and he grins. I’ve always hated the fact that he got a free pass from college, since he’s an actor.

    That is also the reason why he’s here. We grew up in Canada – Charlie, me, my two other older brothers and my twin sister Meghan. Growing up, Charlie, Meghan and I were inseparable – since we’re closer in age – Charlie’s only two years older than Meghan and me. But I had to leave home for college – I got into Caltech, and that was not an opportunity I was about to give up, even though Charlie protested so many times that I’m apparently the baby of the house and I shouldn’t go to another country alone.

    Now, he’s living with me – he is shooting for his show, Julie and The Phantoms (proud sister, here), and they have a couple of scenes and some recording to do in LA, so he’s staying in my apartment for a week, along with his friend, co-star and roommate back in Vancouver, Owen. Previously, they lived with me for more than a month when they had to go through musical bootcamp or something for the sake of the show. (So proud.)

    That was also when I’d developed a massive crush on Owen.

    Charlie was living with me for a good two weeks when, one day, he took me out to meet the rest of the cast. (Who were all lovely, by the way.) On the drive there, he told me that Owen had been living in a hotel since he’s originally from Oklahoma, and that Charlie’s thinking of asking him to come live with us, if I was okay with that. Of course, I had said yes. I had ample space in my duplex apartment and living alone is boring. So, Charlie introduced me to Owen and we immediately hit it off. Of course, I thought that he was incredibly attractive when we met. But I meet a lot of attractive people at university.

    Then, we started living together, and I realized how amazing Owen actually is. He’s an absolute dork – but he’s also funny, very kind, thoughtful, compassionate, altruistic and so, so nice. Both of us have a lot in common, and there’s always been this unsaid, unacknowledged chemistry between us that a lot of the other cast members had picked up on. (Not my brother, though. He would have killed Owen.) We had so much fun when we were together – he turned everything into an adventure. The best part was that I got to be myself, completely, whenever I was around him. I got to talk about whatever I wanted with him – he never, ever judged me.

    Before they went to Vancouver when production for the show began, we had a last night out with the rest of the cast and a bunch of family members – except the kids. We went to this bar near my college. I was so, so drunk and then I suddenly started feeling queasy and Owen offered to take me home since Charlie was in the same position. There was so much traffic and Owen and I kept singing whatever song was on the radio to pass the time – LA traffic – when we were both leaning across our seats and we started kissing. I remember feeling like I would burst from the happiness and the softness, the affection, the admiration that he had in his eyes when he looked at me.

    Of course, I fell asleep pretty soon after the traffic dissipated and woke up next morning to find him packing for his trip. That was when I’d realized that no matter how much I liked him, we could never be together. First of all, long distance relationships almost never work out, and secondly, he’s my brother’s best friend. That was why I chose to just give him a quick hug goodbye and head to college – without even bothering to drop them off at the airport, or even talking to him.

    He texted and called a couple of times after that, too. But I never responded, never even opened any of his texts – because I knew that once I do that, I would definitely call him. That went on for a week, and the only time we spoke was when he’d texted me from Savannah’s phone: why are you ignoring me? I texted back all the reasons why we couldn’t ever be together, and I didn’t hear from him for another week, until Charlie called me the day before yesterday, telling me that they have a couple of scenes to do in LA, along with some recording stuff, and they’ll stay with me for a few days. I had to approve, or else Charlie might figure out everything.

    They arrived yesterday, and I think that I’ve done a pretty good job of ignoring him so far.

    Charlie’s voice breaks me out of my train of thoughts. “You have exams or what?”

    I nod. “Applied physics, tomorrow. Are you going out?” I ask, pointing at his dark blue jeans.

     “Madi and I are writing this song together. You’ll love it.”

    I smile at him. “If I’m not the first one to hear it –”

    He hums, a chuckle escaping him. I lean against the doorframe, as he continues, “Owen just woke up. He doesn’t start his scenes until tomorrow, so I told him to take care of you today, while I’m away.”

    I ignore the way my heart skips a beat at the mere mention of his name and flatten my lips. “I’m 19, Charlie, I can –”

     “Take care of yourself, blah blah blah. I don’t care.”

    I roll my eyes, and playfully shove him forward. He stumbles a few steps backwards and furrows his brows at me. “Ouch!”

     “Are you taking my car?”

    He nods. “Where –”

     “In the magnetic key holder on the fridge.”

     “Okay, sis.” He smiles at me, leaning forward to ruffle my hair – which makes it even messier than it already was. “Go away!” I grumble, trying to pat his hand away. “Never!” He calls out, turning toward the kitchen to grab the keys.

    I shake my head and laugh. “Love you!”

    He shouts back, without looking behind at me. “Love you most!”

****

    The delicious smell of pancakes reminds me of the fact that I haven’t eaten since last night. I drag my feet to the kitchen, mentally preparing myself for the person I’m about to encounter in there.

     “Uh, hi…” I hesitantly call out, entering the kitchen – and notice a very shirtless Owen, with his very shirtless back turned towards me. He turns around at the sound of my voice, and a few strands of golden blonde hair fall across his eyes. I long to reach my hand across and push those away.

    Instead, he himself does that as his eyes flit over me, and a look of pain flashes through his eyes. I hate that I’m the cause of that.

     “I was wondering how you would ignore me when we’re living in the same apartment.”

     “I deserve that.” I walk over to the stove to stand beside him.

    He ignores me and goes back to flipping golden brown pancakes which smell amazing, but all I can focus on is the curve of his back, the hollow space between his collarbones, and the way his hands grip on the pan a little too hard. I feel a warmth course through my body and find myself missing the way he used to wrap his arms around me from behind in the mornings when Charlie was still asleep.

     “Owen,” I whisper, and he inhales sharply at that. “Please. I don’t want things to be like this – I don’t want us to be like this.”

    He uses his spatula to lift the pancake and puts it atop other pancakes on a plate beside the stove and turns it off. He turns around to face me, biting his lip and I think I just had an aneurysm because of the intensity of his gaze.

    He sighs, leaning against the counter. “Y/N. You made it pretty clear that there would never be an ‘us.’”

     “I know. But we can still be friends, right? Like we were before… everything.”

     “See, that’s the thing. I can’t. Y/N, do you have any idea what you’ve put me through for the past two weeks?” He snaps.

     “Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?” I reply, hotly. “Owen, it broke me inside to ask you to stay away. Do you have any idea how much I care about you?”

     “No! I don’t, because you don’t talk to me, Y/N.”

     “I told you, there is no point in doing long distance –”

     “That’s bullshit, Y/N, and you know it, too. I think you’re just too scared to be with me because you think that I’d break your heart, leave you alone or hurt you. But that’s the thing, Y/N – I won’t do any of that to you, because that’s exactly what you’re doing to me.” He crosses his arms across his chest.

    I breathe out shakily, running a hand through my curls. “That’s not true –”

    Owen scoffs. “Please, Y/N. I know you.”

    I lower my eyes from his because I can’t handle the way he’s looking at me.

     “Y/N, do you know how fucking hard the past week’s been for me? I can’t even talk to anyone about it, because the only person I wanna talk to is your brother and we all know what will happen if I do that. He’s my best friend, and I’ve been lying to him for weeks, pretending that I like this hairdresser, when in reality, I’m head over heels for his sister. I can’t tell him that I can’t stop thinking about her, and that she’s the only person that can calm me down when I get anxious on set. I can’t tell him that she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and it’s killing me inside to not talk to her!”

    He finishes, breathing out heavily. I look at his eyes and notice that they’re gleaming.

     “Wait, what hairdresser?”

    He scoffs, annoyed. “Seriously, Y/N?”

    I shrug and breathe deeply, trying to stop myself from taking his hands in my own. “You know, there are so many guys at school that ask me out, but I can’t go out with any of them, because guess what, they’re not you. I like you so much, Owen, so, so much, but I can’t do anything about it – because you’re right. I’m scared. I’m terrified that you’ll leave me, because I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a really long time. I’m so scared that one day you’ll wake up and realize that I’m not who you want anymore. I’m scared that maybe you’ll hurt me or meet someone else in Vancouver. I’m scared about so many things because that’s exactly how much I care about you, Owen!”

    I take a step further and we are standing mere inches apart. I can feel him breathe out raggedly and see the curve of his nose and his darkened eyes flickering to my lips.

     “I would never, ever do that to you, Y/N. You mean a lot to me. Please, please believe me.” He whispers out, and I tell myself to stop, to turn back, to go into my room but instead I just stand there and watch him exhale out, and I know he’s feeling anxious. I lift a hand to his face and cup his cheek in the palm of my hand and he leans his face onto my hand, resting his right hand over mine. The gesture calms the both of us down, and I know, in that moment, that I believe him. That he, us – is a risk worth taking.

     “Your hands are so cold.” He whispers. I nod. “Yours are warm.”

    Both of us stand there, in the kitchen, trying to make sense of what just happened – trying to hold on to this moment. A silence engulfs the both of us, as I sort through my thoughts.

     “Owen,” I whisper. He flicks his eyes to mine. “Promise me you won’t do any of that.”

    He raises his left hand, jutting out his little finger. I raise my other hand too, and he wraps his little finger around mine and whispers back, “Pinkie promise.”

     “Okay.” I whisper, neither of us daring to uncurl our fingers or look anywhere else.

     “Promise me that you wouldn’t leave me for some future tech billionaire.”

    I scrunch my face up at that. “What? No!”

     “Promise me you’d call –”

     “Every single day, Owen. You too.”

    Both of us nod together, and he lifts his other hand to tuck a curl that had previously escaped from my actually-messy-and-not-cute bun. “You’re so beautiful.”

    I smile, and a tear escapes my eyes – Owen rubbing it away with his thumb. I lean forward, standing on my tiptoes and rest my hands against his bare chest for support as I press my lips to his. He smiles against the kiss, and I feel as if a zoo has gone wild in my stomach. I feel warmth and happiness course through my veins as Owen deepens the kiss, the intense longing in the both of us for each other clawing its way out to the surface. It’s almost as if I’m drinking water for the first time in a week. He tastes like banana pancakes, chocolate syrup and everything good in the world. I press myself against him, wrapping my arms around neck while he does the same around my torso. It frightens me a little how well our bodies fit against each other – but it makes me feel strong knowing that I have an amazing person who genuinely cares about me.

****

CHARLIE’S POV

    Charlie unlocked the door to his sister’s apartment, mentally noting to remind her of the fact that her car desperately needs a wash. He enters the foyer, and drops the keys in a bowl, kicking off his shoes.

    Suddenly, he pauses, noticing how incredibly quiet the apartment is – which is unlike Y/N. She always has music blasting or the TV running – she hates the quiet. He quickly walks into the living room and almost screams in surprise.

    His little sister and his best friend are curled up on the sofa, their backs towards him. Y/N is lying on Owen’s chest and she has an arm wrapped around his torso while Owen’s arms are interlocked at the front, holding her against his body. Their tangled legs peek from underneath the quilt that Charlie and Y/N’s mother knit for her youngest daughter last Christmas. She laughs at something that Owen whispers into her ear, and he presses a kiss to her forehead, and they look at each other with so much adoration that Charlie has to look away.

    He sighs, mentally cursing himself for being so, so stupid. How could he have ignored the signs? Charlie remembers Y/N and Owen meeting, both in a daze, both smiling a little too much and Y/N walking with a skip in her steps. He remembers them talking for hours on end, binging Brooklyn 99 on weekends, and always hanging out with each other whenever they went to the same parties. He remembers that morning three weeks ago when he’d woken up late, and gone to the kitchen only to find the duo springing apart from each other, both erupting in a flurry of coughs and laughs, as if he’d just walked on them robbing a bank – Owen had explained that he had apparently broken a glass. He remembers the way Owen would look at her, as if she had just done something miraculous. He remembers the way Y/N would look at his best friend, as if he was made of everything good in the world.

    Most of all, he remembers how Owen sulked whenever he was alone back in Vancouver. He remembers how Owen constantly declined to go out with that cute hairdresser. He remembers how Owen sometimes seemed out of it. He remembers how Owen would sprint whenever Charlie called his sister. He remembers how Owen would keep checking his phone every few minutes in between takes.

    Charlie also remembers his sister asking about how Owen is when they talked on the phone, and how her voice seemed like she was asking something that was forbidden, something that was evil. He remembers how she would always hang up the phone whenever she heard Owen’s voice. He remembers her always declining his invites to go to Vancouver.

    How could he have been so dumb? The signs were right there. He lived with Owen, for god’s sake! Charlie feels an array of emotions. He’s always hated Y/N’s choice in men, despised anyone putting their hands on his baby sister’s body.

    But, to see them like this – to see Y/N look so safe, so comfortable in Owen’s arms, he can’t help but feel relief flood into his system. Because he knows his best friend, and he knows what kind of person he is. And now, he thinks just how much sense they make together. Sure, Owen is kind of stupid, reckless, impulsive, and clumsy – but so is Y/N – well, she’s not stupid, he thinks. She’s the smartest person in their family. But she has a fire within her – and his best friend matches that fire. Charlie thinks of the fact that they complement each other so nicely, both are caring, passionate, and kind-hearted. Of course, they would fall for each other. It just makes so much sense – they make so much sense.

    Still, Charlie feels hurt that neither of them bothered to tell him about it. (even though he won’t admit it, it’s understandable, really – considering the way he’s bugged his sister about her previous relationships.)

    He clears his throat and the duo on the couch jump apart, both flushed and with their eyes widened. Owen stands up, moving away from couch, while Y/N looks at her brother as if he’s a ghost.

    A silence falls over the apartment. Y/N finally says, “How’d you – how’d you get in?”

    He shrugs. “I had a spare key.”

    Owen looks between his girlfriend and his best friend, with widened eyes. “Charlie, I’m so sorry –”

    Suddenly, Charlie laughs, swatting at the air. “Pfft. You think I’m gonna be the weird brother who kills his best friend for dating his sister? Come on, this isn’t a TV show. I’m actually really happy for you guys – I ignored all the signs these past weeks, but I see them now. Of course, it’s really weird for me, but I love the both of you so much. Owen, relax, I’m not gonna kill you. Dude. Just don’t kiss or anything in front of me, cause that’s gross. Ew. You know what, don’t do that at all. And I’ll kill you, Owen, if you ever hurt her, I swear. I’ll put poison in your waffles. I just don’t understand why –”

    Charlie is cut off by his sister tackling him in a hug. He wraps his arms around her body, as she whispers, “I love you, big brother.”

    He murmurs, “Love you most, little one.” He catches Owen’s eye who looks at him with gratefulness and a little smile.

 **** 

READ ON AO3 WITH OC!

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[lukestauntauns]

Telephone (pt.1)

  Warnings: Lots of angst, arguing, yelling, drinking, both reader and Taehyung being assholes to each other, mentions of jealousy, blatant ignoring, intoxicated reader, swearing, mentions of “betrayal” 

Pairings: college au! Taehyung x Reader 

Word count: 2.1K

Listen to: Telephone by Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNcvmwxoK2g

a/n : This is my first time ever writing a fic! I have been wanting to for awhile and this idea came to me while I was doing dishes and listening to this song.  I thought it was time to put my thoughts into writing. ( I think I am going to make this into a series) I hope you all enjoy it! 

You and Taehyung had been friends for as long as you could remember. You grew up as neighbors when you were kids and were forced to meet by the doings of your parents. Since then, you two have always been with each other, until you got to college. You two had been arguing constantly arguing over nothing. You had so desperately wanted back the relationship that you had with him, and not the overprotective needy boy he was being as of now.

“Why do you constantly keep bugging me?” you retort. “You still treat me as if I’m a child and can’t handle myself.” 

“You are childish,” Taehyung says bluntly. “All you do is go out and party and completely act like I don’t exist.” 

“I’m in college, Tae. Do you expect me to stay in the dorm all the fucking time?! I’m only here once and it took me fucking forever to get in my sorority and you know how much I wanted to be in it. Why do you keep acting like you have all of this power over me? It’s not like we are dating.” 

This hit him hard. He wanted you two to be together desperately, but he didn’t have a way of telling you. It was always the wrong time for him. You were never around because of your sorority and all of the events you hosted.

Little did he know that you wanted the same thing. He was just so needy that it was starting to irritate you. You are 21 years old and don't need to be babied anymore. 

“You know what,” you start, “I don’t want you to call me tonight, at all.” “I’m going to this party and don’t want to speak to you. I want to just have this one night to myself and my friends. This is our last one before semester exams, and I would greatly appreciate it if I could enjoy my evening.” 

You could see the resting anger on his face. He was not one to talk down upon. Instead he always had to be the bigger person. But this time was different. He seemed to have an angry look, but his eyes were large and doe-like wanting to say something else than what his face was demonstrating. 

“Fine.”

That’s it? Fine? 

These words stuck with you thinking that maybe he would actually listen for once and let you have a good time. 

An hour goes by and you decide that it’s time that you get ready and you pull out all of the stops. Tae always thought that you looked great in black as it complemented your skin well. 

Do I wanna be evil? you thought to yourself.

 “Yeah I think I do.”

You pull out this gorgeous short, black sequined cocktail dress. You haven’t worn this dress since your freshman year of college and decided that it was time to pull her out again. You knew that this would upset him and you were happy that it would. Was your initial intention to make him jealous? No. But were you very excited about the idea? Yes.

You finish off the look with heavy eyeliner and a bold red lip. Platforms to top it all off. Taehyung always had a thing for when you wore heels out, yet you could never decipher what it was. You were pretty good at reading people, but he was one of the harder ones. Of course you could understand his basic emotions, but when he was really thinking, you could never actually pinpoint what it was about. 

 “Where are you going?” Tae inquires.

“Out” you say. And with that, the door shuts.

Just left my dorm, ready to get some alcohol inside of me. 

You text your best friend Ally while you are walking to the car. The party is located at the other side of the university so you have quite a way to go. She was the one who insisted that we Ubered there considering you already knew that she was not going to be sober enough to drive us back. 

Tae has been on my ass for so long and we got into an argument. Told him I didn’t want him contacting me at all tonight. 

You knew that your best friend always thought that you would end up together one day, and she had even pushed for you two to start dating. You alway reassured her that nothing would come of it and that you had been friends for years now. 

You know it is going to happen at any point right Y/N? 

You weren’t even going to entertain the idea and just decided that you were going to talk to her once you got there.

You two both meet and make the drive to the party. Once you get there, all of what happened beforehand has started to melt away. You are greeted with copious amounts of alcohol and people looking like they were enjoying themselves.

“You want a drink?” your friend asks. 

“Is that even a question?” as you already have chugged one Whiteclaw and are onto your second one. 

You knew that you weren’t a lightweight and considering that the seltzers were practically soda, you knew that you weren’t getting shitfaced tonight. 

You and your best friend were having the time of your life. This was a much needed outing considering everything that has happened between you and Tae recently. The music was so loud your chest was pounding. The sight of people dancing and having fun was amazing until… 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” you sigh.

“Hello.” you say 

“It's late you should come home,” 

“Sorry I can’t hear you. I have no service,” you lied as you could hear him perfectly. You were just trying to avoid the fact that he was calling . 

The line cuts. 

You thought you just got out scott free. But even your friend knew that Taehyung was not that gullible. 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

This call you decide to completely ignore his call because you are not going to let him hinder you from having a good time. But he keeps calling and calling. Your friend starts smirking like she knows what's going on. 

More time passes and so does the alcohol and you decide that it is time for you to check your phone. Right as you check your phone.. 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

“ Will you stop calling me! All you have done is call and call me. I don’t want to think anymore. I don’t want to talk anymore. Do you understand me? I need you to stop worrying about me.” 

And with that, you ended the call. 

“Damn Y/N, you didn’t have to be so mean about it.” 

“Ally you don’t understand. I have 35 missed calls from him and 86 text messages. He’s having a fucking psychotic break right now. I am a grown ass woman and I can take care of myself. He fucking told me that I was being childish today because I went out to our parties. I am so sick of him. He’s sitting at home calling me like a collector and I’m over it.” 

You continue to drink and have yourself a great time. You and Ally are dancing along with everyone else and really living it up one more time before you are crammed with studying and tests. She mentions the idea of you guys dancing with others. You are a little apprehensive about this. It’s not like you were dating Taehyung or anything, but wouldn’t that be wrong? It’s not like anyone was to record you or anything. Or so you thought. 

“Come on loser, it’ll be fun,” All says. 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

“I’m going to say this once and only once. It’s not that I don’t like you, I’m just at a party and I’m getting really tired of my phone ringing. Do yourself a favor and stop calling me, please.” 

You can’t believe you said that. I mean yes you did like Taehyung, but you were wondering if he had taken it the wrong way. You wanted him to like you as well, but with the way that he has been acting lately, it doesn’t seem very plausible. If you really liked someone why would you constantly pester them and bombard them all the time. 

Another phone call ended and another round of drinks started. You said fuck it and decided to start dancing with others.  There’s no way that you should care about what Taehyung thinks. He’s not your father. You are allowed to do whatever you want. As you’re scouting who to dance on you pick a target that will for sure make him mad in the long run. His best friend, Jimin. Was this a little devious of you, yes, but did you care, absolutely not. You had had too much alcohol to start weighing in factors of the situation. 

Since the alcohol has already started to cloud your mind it also starts to take effect on your body and you start to slump when you walk. The whole not getting shitfaced thing didn’t exactly go to plan. One thing happened after another and there were just more shots and Whiteclaws to be drunk and you volunteered to do so. 

“We s..should make our way home,” your very drunk friend burps out. 

“God you are a mess,” you laugh “You do know that we have class in the morning? Your hangover is going to suck and you’re probably going to end up falling asleep in class.” 

You always had a knack for teasing her and she did the same. You didn’t have many girlfriends in college as a lot of them thought that your humor was offensive. Ally was the only person who had the same humor and more trauma that could be joked about. 

“Yeah, yeah I know. Thanks for coming out Y/N. I had a lot of fun and now I’m about to crash. Have fun with your boyfriend,” Ally yells. 

You proceed to flip her off and prepare for the tredge forward back to your dorm just hoping that Taehyung was asleep and you could just go to bed without anything happening. You have already taken off your platforms so that you prevent yourself from stomping in. You reach for the door and to your surprise it’s unlocked. That had set off a red flag because Tae would never leave the door unlocked. You walk inside only to find Tae on the couch waiting for you. 

Damnit 

“Why were you out for so long? Why do you smell like alcohol? How come your shoes are off?”

Taehyung would just not stop the questions before you could even get a breath out. You had barely been home five minutes and he was just demanding answers for his questions.

 “You know what Tae,” you say calmly, “I don’t really feel like playing your games and answering your questions. Yes, I had some drinks and my head hurts and I would like to go lay my head down if that’s okay with you considering I need to ask for your permission before I do fucking anything.” 

You could tell that that hit him hard. He knew that he was being extra needy lately, but with no explanation. This isn’t like him. But he wanted your attention so badly, but the attention that he ended up getting from you was always negative. This was the polar opposite of what he wanted. He was pushing you away rather than pulling you towards him. He thought that by asking questions and showing he cared, it would make him look like he was really looking out for you. Instead it backfired. 

“My head is going to explode,” you say aloud. 

You knew it wasn’t a good idea to just keep drinking. But with the constant nagging from Taehyung, you needed to take your mind off of the argument and your closest coping mechanism  was alcohol. You didn’t think it would all hit you at once. 

You proceed to strip from your party clothes and make your way into a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt.  You try your best to hobble to the bathroom to take off your makeup. Once that’s done, you make your way back to your bed, take ibuprofen, and head to bed, thinking about Taehyung. 

[ssa-babygirl]

Out of my League [Part 5]

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Single mom!Reader

Word count: 4.1k

Summary: A night out with the team leaves you and Spencer with so much unsaid, despite how much he spills to you while you’re drunk and half asleep. 

Warning(s): Mentions of past addiction, alcohol consumption, some swear words, mentions of past bullying, EXTREME PINING

Author’s Note: I told yall this chapter wouldn’t take 10 years. just like... a week and a half. I promise I’ll do better lmao also enjoy the fluff cuz uh,, yall are gonna hate me next chapter oops

[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]

Washington D.C., 2009

(Reader POV)

Rossi’s dinner party would not be the last time Spencer had to drive your drunk ass home. It happened two or three in the two years since that night. Dave meant it when he said you were one of them. Whenever they went out for drinks after a case, you would get a text from one of the girls asking if you wanted to come. Your mom living a few blocks away from you was helpful because you just needed to drop Jamie off and head over to O’Keefe’s. You very rarely went overboard because you normally had to drive home, but tonight was not one of those nights.

The team had just gotten back from a local case in Bethesda, so Emily offered to pick you up on her way back. Hotch gave them all the rest of the night off after they made the arrest, but Spencer, always the workaholic, still wanted to finish up his paperwork before going out. 

Your mom came to get Jamie and take him back to her house, so you were free to get all dressed up for a night on the town with your friends. You didn’t want to look too formal since most of them were still going to be in their work clothes, so you got out a cute green button-down blouse and tucked it into some high-waisted jeans. You put on your favorite locket and let your hair down. You went with a light makeup look, just brows, cheeks, and lashes. You were all set by the time Emily pulled up in front of your place. You strapped up your wedges and grabbed your purse, heading out the door, excited to see everyone after they’d been so busy.

“Hey! You look nice!”

“And you’re not so bad for fresh off a crime scene.”

“Should’ve seen me catch the guy, I looked amazing.”

“I’m sure you did, Em.”

Emily told you about the case, or rather just the ending. You only liked to hear her stories when they had happy endings. This one was pleasant enough, but you had a feeling that she was leaving some details out since it was apparently so bad that even Spencer would be tagging along for drinks.

When you got to the bar, Derek and Penelope were already sitting at a booth in the back with Aaron and Dave. Penelope hopped up from her seat to give you a hug as soon as you approached the table. 

“Hey, there she is,” Morgan smiled over his beer.

“Reid’s not driving tonight?” Aaron asked.

“He texted me, he’s on his way, he wanted to finish his paperwork back at the precinct.” 

“So what I’m hearing is you finally have time to tell us stories about Reid in high school,” Dave said with a smirk.

“No, come on, he’ll kill me,” you settled into the booth.

Emily snorted, “I’d be surprised if he even found it in him to be mad at you.”

“Oh, it’s happened before.” Your face scrunched up at the memory of what happened that day on the football field.

“Really?” Penelope seemed shocked.

“Yeah I’d… Rather not talk about it.” You didn’t know if Spencer had told the team about the Alexa Lisbon incident, so you didn’t want to talk about how he had been so angry with you for babying him. 

“Oh, come on, the kid was in love with you,” Derek prodded, “What’d you do?”

You elected to ignore his comment, “No, it was just stupid.” You could still talk about Kyle, though. The team knew the story of how you’d met Spencer, they just didn’t know about how upset he was when he found out you got back together with Kyle just a few months after you dumped him.

“We love hearing about the stupid things you did!” Garcia squealed.

You stared at the table and fiddled with a napkin to avoid eye contact as you said, “I dated one of his bullies.”

Dave was the first to break the silence, “But Reid said you broke up with him when you found out.”

You bit your lip and hesitated before owning up to it, “Did he tell you that Kyle is Jamie’s dad?”

Emily gasped, “No way!”

“We barely spoke outside of tutoring after that between him being scared of Kyle and basketball season. We were both busy with our teams.”

“Reid played basketball?” Aaron asked, amused.

“He was the coach.” You managed to crack a slight smile, “Budget cuts. But, hey, it was for the best, that was our best season in years.”

“Hard to believe he could focus on strategy with you cheering from the sidelines.” Derek wiggled his eyebrows and took another sip of his beer.

You were quick to change the subject, “So is JJ coming?”

Emily shook her head, “She went home after the case cuz she missed Henry.”

“Oh that boy is the sweetest little thing, I miss when Jamie was that little.”

Aaron sipped his whiskey, “How old is he again?”

“Ten. I’m old, don’t remind me, it’s fucking me up.”

“Ah! Language, bella.”

“Sorry Dave. But speaking of getting effed up, I’ll go get the next round.” You stood and took everyone’s drink orders: Dave and Aaron were sharing an expensive bottle that Dave had already paid for, Emily wanted a martini, Derek just asked for another beer, while Penelope ordered the most elaborate cocktail on the menu, but luckily it was her usual, so you had it pretty much memorized by now. 

You strolled up to the bar and gave the bartender the order, which he got right on. He started with giving you Derek’s beer, then Em’s martini, then your rum and coke, before getting to work on Penelope’s ridiculously fruity drink. An older man stalked into your field of view with a beer in his hand, grinning dumbly. 

“What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

You snorted, “Has that line ever worked?”

“Truth be told, I’ve never used it.”

“Well you don’t have a great success rate right now, bud.” You looked over the man’s shoulder and made eye contact with Penelope, who turned to Derek and gave him a heads up.

“Well let me buy you a drink, maybe it’ll work better the second time around.”

“Oh, no, thank y—”

“No, come on, what’s one drink?”

You grabbed the tray with everyone’s drinks and started to pass him, “I should really get back to my friends.”

“Hey, I won’t keep you long,” He caught you by the arm and the last thing you saw before he turned you to face him again was Penelope leaping up from her seat to let Derek through, “what are you drinking?”

“Babygirl, how long does a beer take?” Derek stepped up behind you and placed a delicate hand on the small of your back, “This guy bothering you, doll?”

The man dropped his hand from your arm, “We were just talking.”

“Really? ‘Cuz to me it seems like you were trying to put the moves on my girl.”

“Babe, it’s fine,” you caught on quickly, placing a hand on Derek’s chest to keep up the ruse of holding him back, “I’m just waiting for Pen’s drink.”

“Get the hell out of here, man.” Derek glares and the other man leaves reluctantly. “You okay?”

You nodded, “Thank you.”

“Hey, no problem, sweetheart.” He withdrew his hand from the small of your back, “Wouldn’t want Pretty Boy to get jealous.”

You felt your face heat up as your eyebrows knit together, feigning confusion.

“Oh, come on, Y/N, you can’t seriously tell me you don’t see it.”

You played dumb, “See what?”

He sips his beer, “You don’t need to be a profiler to see the way he looks at you, Y/N.”

“Oh, god, first my mother, now you too?”

“I’m serious, I’ve only seen him like this one other time.”

“When?”

“On a case a few years ago. There was this actress we were helping out, Lila Archer.”

“Lila Archer? The Lila Archer?”

“Yeah, she had a little crush on Reid for a bit. They made out once.”

“They��what?”

He laughed, “What’re ya jealous?”

“No!” Maybe? “It just seems so unprofessional, I wouldn’t have pegged him for a guy who would--”

“Hook up with a movie star? Yeah, I didn’t think so either. It didn’t work out with them, obviously, he said she only felt that way about him because he saved her life.”

“What does this have to do with me?”

“Ever thought about how you protecting him his whole life may have had a similar effect?”

“Showing him basic human decency didn’t make him fall in love with me, Derek.”

“No, but saving his life did.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think that’s more of a question for Pretty Boy himself.” Derek nodded his chin over your shoulder. You followed his gaze and saw Spencer coming up behind you, grinning as he neared the bar.

“Hey.”

“Hey, haircut! Lookin’ good!” Your fingers laced through his shaggy locks and messed up his new boy band-esque style.

 A faint blush spread across his cheeks as he fixed his hair, “T-Thanks.”

“When you lovebirds feel like talking to the rest of us, I’ll be at the table with the rest of the team.”

You roll your eyes and turn back to the lanky boy next to you, “Lemme buy you a drink, Spence.” 

“Oh, no thank you. I’m driving. And also did you know--”

“You can just say you don’t want it.”

“No, I do. That’s the problem.”

Your face contorted with confusion until it suddenly clicked, “Oh… Has that ever been a problem for you before?”

“Not anymore, and not alcohol, but yeah.”

“Wait, Spence, why didn’t you tell me? I-I’m not mad, it’s your choice, obviously, but I could have helped.”

“You did.”

“I did?”

“Remember that one time I was too sick to talk on our Saturday call?”

“Yeah?”

“I had just gotten back from a case in New Orleans. Remember Ethan from school?”

You nodded, holding onto every word.

“He’s in a jazz band down there now. He talked me into getting help. When you called, I was at the lowest point of withdrawals, shaking so hard I couldn’t sleep, and completely alone. I almost didn’t pick up, but I knew you wouldn’t accept that,” he laughed nervously, “and when I heard your voice…”

He trailed off, finally meeting your eyes.

“When I said I wasn’t feeling well, you said ‘I’m putting Jamie down for the night, wanna hear his bedtime story?’”

You both found yourselves smiling slightly at the memory. 

“Not once, during any book I’ve read, had I fallen asleep so easily as I did when you read me The Very Hungry Caterpillar.”

He took a deep breath, almost shuddering, “It was the first time I slept without nightmares since Tobias Hankle.”

You remembered that name. He’d come up in conversations from time to time but you never heard anything about his case. He was always a touchy subject for the team, and now you knew why.

“How long ago was this?”

“Almost three years ago.” He didn’t even have to think about it.

“Spence, you could have told me. You can tell me anything.”

“Anything?” He gulped.

You reached for his hand on the bar and felt it tense under your touch. You’d think after how long you’d known him his touch aversion wouldn’t be an issue with you anymore, but apparently not. Feeling your cheeks heat up, you withdrew your hand as if you burnt your hand on a hot stove and let out an awkward scoff, turning away to look back at your friends, who tried and failed miserably at making it look like they weren’t watching you and Spencer. 

“We should…”

“Yeah… w-we should.” Spencer passed you and sat down next to Derek in the booth, leaving you in your usual spot next to Emily with your first of many drinks that night.

            3 Hours Later

(Spencer’s POV)

I helped her into my car and buckled her up after she couldn’t find the seatbelt. When I got into the driver’s seat, I glanced at her to see if she was still conscious, only to see her dopey smile directed at me.

“What?” I laughed nervously.

“Nothing,” she slurred, dragging out the ‘ing’ and turning her head towards the window.

“You okay?”

She nodded and leaned her head against the glass as I pulled out of the parking lot. She was quiet for the most part during the drive, so I assumed she was asleep, so imagine my shock when she piped up as soon as I parked in front of her place.

“Can you walk me in?” she asked as if I could say no to her.

“Of course.” I was going to regardless. I helped her out of the car and she stood on wobbly legs. She groaned and looked at her feet. 

“Hold this.” She shoved her purse into my arms and placed a hand on my shoulder and hopped up to take off one of her heels, tossing it onto her seat before repeating her actions on her other shoe. She grabbed the pair and marched up the path to her front door. I trailed close behind, just in case she stumbled, which she did. 

She fumbled for her key when she suddenly remembered that I had her purse. I dug through the pockets and fished it out, tossing it to her once I got close enough. She instantly giggled as soon as I met her eyes.

“What’s so funny now?”

“Nothing, Spence,” she failed to stifle a smile as she tried to open the door, “You have nothing to worry about.”

I stepped in beside her, “Well you’ve been awfully quiet since we left and now you’re laughing at me!”

“I’m just thinking!”

“That can’t be good,” I joked, prompting her to lightly slap my arm, “Kidding! What are you thinking about?”

“Don’t worry about it!”

“No, now I’m curious!”

“Just something stupid Derek said before you came tonight.”

“Oh jeez, now I have to know.” She climbed up the staircase and down the hallway in front of her bedroom. She twisted the knob and pushed open the door. I stepped in after her and placed her purse down on the dresser. She flopped down on the bed, shuffling under the covers, not even bothering to change out of the clothes she wore to the bar. I grinned down at her. She looked like an angel snuggled up in the sheets.

“Comfy?”

“Very.”

“Good. Call me if you need anything, Y/N,” I started to walk towards the door.

“Did you have a crush on me in high school?”

I paused.

“W-Where’d you get that from?” Nice job, genius, that doesn’t sound guilty at all.

“That’s what Derek said.” She was now sitting up in bed.

Okay, but how did he know that?

“How did this come up exactly?”

She explained how the team was trying to get her to tell them embarrassing stories about me as a kid (sidenote: not cool, guys) and my dear old friend Kyle came up. She said that Morgan brought up transference, where a person experiences something traumatic and associates their “hero” with safety and feelings of relief after being helped.

“He said one girl you helped in a case had feelings for you and the way you explained transference to Derek sounded like you were speaking from experience.”

Great. This is what I get for only having friends on the team. My best guy friend is also a profiler who can read me like a book. Awesome.

I let out a deep sigh and sat down in the chair next to her bed, “I was.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Yeah. Because that’s where it all started for me. A pretty girl told off one of my bullies and showed me basic human decency--”

“Aw, Spence, you thought I was pretty?” She teased, eliciting a chuckle from me.

“Of course I did. Y/N, you were the head cheerleader that came to me for help with chemistry and tousled my hair and bought me McDonald’s whenever our study sessions ran late. To twelve-year-old Spencer you were this perfect, unattainable princess--”

“Princess?” She giggled and it was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard, “I like that.”

“Yep.” I laughed with her, “A princess who lived in a beautiful castle with posters on the walls and sparkly beads on the curtains and Doctor Who playing on the TV and a mom that always invited me to stay for dinner and I’m rambling again but that’s perfectly fine with you because you actually cared about what I had to say, especially when I would talk about Shakespeare because A Midsummer Night’s Dream was your favorite assigned reading and--” I stopped myself before it slipped out. 

I love you. I’ve said it a million times to her in a million different ways but I knew at that moment that if I said the actual words that I wouldn’t be able to take them back, not that I would ever want to, I just want her to be present when I told her the first time. If I said it now it would be the first time she’d hear it from me and she wouldn’t even remember it when she woke up.

“And what?” She still smiled at me so brightly that the dimly lit room was lit up by the gleam in her eyes.

I smiled back, “You’re my best friend.”

Her grin somehow grew wider, her eyes scrunching up, but the sparkle was still there, “You’re my best friend too.”

If I hadn’t already decided against it, I would have said it then. I would have repeated those words over and over again until the words lost all meaning, only they never would because they felt like they meant the world to me. But I wouldn’t let myself start. Instead, I just looked at her like she was the moon and stars and all the space in between and said, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Spence, wait,” she murmured, further burying herself in her covers.

“What now?” I whined, the smile still present on my face.

“I think you’re pretty too.” 

It had never been harder for me to resist the urge to kiss her than in that moment. Every fiber of my being screamed to sit back down, lean over her pillow, take her face in my hands, and crash my lips to hers. And for a split second, I thought I would. I almost did. I almost gave myself everything I had ever wanted for sixteen years, four months, and eleven days, but I couldn’t.

“And I think you’re drunk.”

“Spencer Reid!” She squealed, “Just cuz I’m drunk does not mean that you aren’t pretty!”

“Oh really?”

“Yep! ‘Cuz guess what, genius?”

“What?”

“I think you’re pretty when I’m sober, too.”

If I didn’t know any better I’d say she was trying to drive me insane. And you know what?

It was working.

While I was lost in my thoughts, no doubt staring at her, she let out a tiny yawn and snuggled deeper into her pillow. A piece of hair fell in front of her eyes, hooded yet still shining. I brushed the hair out of her face and told her to get some rest.

“Good idea. I’m sleepy,” she dragged out the e and yawned again, “Goodnight, Pretty Boy.”

“Goodnight, princess.” I chuckled softly. My fingers still lingered just behind her ear, so I stroked her hair once more and pressed a small kiss to her forehead once I was sure she was asleep. Her cheeks twitched in a barely conscious smile, making me grateful for my eidetic memory again. I went to the kitchen and took a glass from the cabinet, filling it up in the sink and placing it on the nightstand with some aspirin.

I took a sheet of some stationery and scrawled out a note for her in the morning:

Make sure you stay hydrated. There’s more aspirin in your cabinet but wait a few hours to take it. Call me if you need anything. -S.R.

            The Next Morning

(Reader’s POV)

The coffee machine made too much noise. Your head was pounding despite the fact you took an aspirin a few minutes ago. Now you played the waiting game, hoping it would kick in soon. When the pot was finally done, you poured yourself a cup, hoping it would help wake you up. You normally wouldn’t drink coffee this late, but you needed it. Just as you took your first sip, your mom came through the front door with Jamie in tow carrying his pajamas in a shopping bag. He said good morning to you and ran upstairs to his room.

“Did you just wake up?” 

“Yes.”

“Y/N, it’s almost noon.” You could hear the judgment in her voice.

You took a sip of coffee, “It’s 11:05.”

“I take it you had fun at O’Keefe’s last night?”

“Yeah,” you grumbled, rubbing your eyes.

“How’d you get home?”

“Spence drove me.”

Her eyes widened, excited. She lowered her voice to ask, “Is he still here?”

“Mom!” You whisper-yelled.

“I was just checking!”

“No, he’s not, he dropped me off and went home.” You decided to leave out the whole “putting you to bed” part.

“How’s your hangover?”

“Better with aspirin.”

“Have you been drinking water?”

“A little,” you lied.

“No more coffee until you finish a glass.” She took your mug and dumped its contents down the drain.

“Wh—” You start, “Mom, I’m not a kid.”

“Just drink your damn water.”

“Jesus,” you groan, still making your way to the stairs and heading up to your room, where your water had been put on your nightstand the night before. Under the glass was a note that you didn’t notice when you first woke up. You recognized the chicken scratch handwriting immediately: Spencer.

“Make sure you stay hydrated. There’s more aspirin in your cabinet but wait a few hours to take it. Call me if you need anything. -S.R.”

You smiled as you read the words over and over. You put the note down and took a sip from the glass. You reached over to your phone on the nightstand and dialed his number. It rang twice before Spencer’s voice crackled over the speaker, “Hey, how’re you feeling?”

“Better, thank you.”

“Of course. Did you drink the water I gave you last night?”

“Some of it.”

“Good, did you eat?”

“No.”

“I’m going on my lunch break in a bit, wanna meet up?”

Your heart fluttered at the offer, a small grin tugging at your lips. You nodded, unable to find words enthusiastic enough to express how much you’d like that, before settling on “Yeah! Sounds good!”

“Perfect! There’s a new thai place downtown I’ve been meaning to check out, how about there?”

“Sure! I’ll meet you at Quantico?”

“See you then!”

“Bye,” you all but sighed into the receiver before snapping out of it. You always tried to keep that part of you beneath the surface, but it wasn’t as easy as it used to be. You didn’t remember much from last night, but you did remember calling him pretty boy and making him blush. You remember him tucking you in and calling you princess and brushing your hair out of your eyes. You remembered how your chest swelled with light as he pressed his lips to your forehead, and the soft chuckle he let out seeing you smile against your pillow. 

You hopped in the shower and got dressed, fixing yourself just enough to pass for a functioning adult who did not get sloppy drunk in front of her best friend’s coworkers last night. You told your mom you were going out for lunch, and she happily agreed to babysit for a few hours while you were with Spencer. 

“Have fun on your date!”

“Not a date!” You almost couldn’t tell who you were talking to, her or you.

You got to Quantico about a half-hour later and were met by Dave in the bullpen.

“Oh, look who’s joined the land of the living!”

“Oh, come on, I wasn’t that bad last night. I could have been Penelope.”

“That is true, bella, but it was still a Thursday,” Dave chuckled, “The kid’s in Aaron’s office, he’ll be out in a sec.”

“Thank you,” you said and walked over to Spencer’s desk, sitting down in his chair and making small talk with Emily while you waited. A few minutes later, you saw him walk out of the office, eyes immediately landing on you.

Taglist~~~

Lmk if you wanna be added! Some names didn’t work so if you don’t see your name as a tag just dm me a url and I’ll try to fix it

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[gr0vndz3ro]

Object of Desire

Demon!Bakugou x Reader (NSFW)

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Dub-con, public, barely plot??, swearing, dirty talk, degradation, choking, mentions/use of alcohol, semi public?, oral, unprotected sex

Word count: 2,459

A/N: im soRRY but ya girl is  i n s p i r e d. I started writing this at 5 am and im convinced that is when I get my best writing done, and that's on a fucked up sleep schedule. If you want the same effect I had when I wrote this listen to Leviathan by G-Easy. Art is not mine, if you know the artist let me know pls. 

It was late and you were way to drunk to be walking the streets by yourself. Your friends had begged you to come out with them to go partying, you knew you would come to regret it in the morning. You and your friends slammed drinks after drinks without a care in the world, it was Halloween night after all, what else were a bunch of single ladies suppose to do. So this is how you were now carrying a pair of heels by your side, in a dress that was just a little to short, and a headband with fuzzy black ears now digging into your head because you can’t go out without a costume according to your friends. 

Your feet patter against the rough concrete, the only thing protecting you from the ground is the pantyhose you threw on earlier in some attempt to be modest. The street lights in your neighbor hood shine a dim yellow light across the street, the only other light coming from decorations from houses you pass. No body was out on the street except for the other occasional drunks, seeing as it was some ungodly hour in the morning. 

You would have called a cab if you had any clue what had happened to your phone, you faintly remember your friend taking at the beginning of the night so you couldn’t ditch them. Smart, because you NEVER did stuff like this. You’re considered the “mom” friend of your group. At this point you just wanted to plop down in your bed and forget about tonight.

Suddenly you’re taken out of your thoughts by the sound of foot steps behind you. You end up ignoring it, assuming it’s just another person trying to get home after a long night of partying, like yourself. You keep your pace and decide to take a short cut wanting to get out of your ridiculous “costume”, dipping into an alley you were very familiar with, never realizing how poorly lit it was, seeing as you were never out this late. 

Red eyes, unknown to you, watch your every move. A smirk growing on his face as he enters the alley.

Walking down the road, you suddenly start feeling like you’re being watched so you quickly turn around to calm your nerve. Not seeing anyone behind you, you continue on your walk. You make the turn around the corner and confusion takes over as you face to face with a wall. Did I take a wrong turn? I could have sworn this was the right street.. You shrug your shoulders turning around to exit the dead end when you feel your heart stop. The only light in the alley was the moons glow, but that was all you needed to see those vermilion eyes staring into you. You go to let out a scream but are stopped as a hand covers your mouth.

“Hey, hey, we wouldn’t anyone to hear you and think something is wrong...” The man infront of you pauses, breaking your eye contact to let his eyes roam over you. A smirk takes over his face and you can see sharp canines peek out from his lip. He tilts his head to the side and reaches to your head fixing your ears “...now would we kitten”.

Your eyes dart behind him to see if there was any way someone could see what was happening and come help, but you knew deep down, no one was going to make the same mistake you did and walk into an empty dead end. The man infront takes a step toward you slowly closing the gap.

“So what’s a pretty girl like you doing out here all alone huh? Don’t you know there are bad men out walking the street at this hour.” He voice sending chills down your spine as you do everything in you power to keep your eyes off of him. Looking all around you for something, anything to get you out of that alley. You let out a gasp as you feel a hand make its way into your hair, “I asked you a question, you going to answer me?” His eye brow quirked as he waits. 

“I was heading home from a party my friends invited me to, we all ended up getting really drunk. I was going to call a cab but I think one of my friends took my phone and she went home with some guy, even though she told me the reason she was taking me out was to get laid.” The truth spilling from you mouth without missing a bet. You hadn’t meant to say a that to the stranger but between the alcohol and his enchanting gaze, you couldn’t stop yourself. Your mouth drops open as you slam a hand to your lips, mortified at what you had just said. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“You meant it though. Here I thought you were a good girl but all you want is some dick, such a dirty little slut.” His head dipping into your neck, licking a wet strip from your collarbone to just under you ear, stopping to nibble on your ear lobe. “I can make you feel so good you just got to say the word and I’ll make it happen.”

Your breath caught in your throat at the mans lewd words. All you could think of was to push him off of you but the growing heat in-between your legs prevented you. You felt as his hands traveled you body lightly, sending all types of chills down your spine and into your core. Quickly, you grab his wrists when they dip under your dress to your outer thighs.

“Oh what do have here, are you going to stop me princess. Go ahead tell me to stop, I dare you to try.” You open your mouth but no words come out. You were frozen between the wall and his gaze. You couldn’t find the words to make him stop. But honestly you didn’t want to. The burning trails his fingertips left as they dug into the sensitive skin on your legs was enough to make shiver in anticipation. “That’s what I had thought, now your going to be a good little girl for me now aren’t you? Going to do everything I tell you too”. 

“But I-I don’t even know your name” you let out as a feeble attempt to get him to stop.

“It’s Katsuki and you can bet it’ll be the only name you remember when I done with you.”

He shakes his hands from your grasp and moves them to inner thigh, nudging your legs apart. Your leg open without you even thinking and a warm jolt gets sent to your core as you feel him rip open your pantyhose. He moves his head from his assault on your neck down your torso until he is met with your lacey underwear now on view. A blush crosses you face as you watch him lick his lips when he sees how wet you are from how little he has done to you.

“You’re soaked and I haven’t even touched you yet. You really are just a dirty little slut aren’t you.” Now on his knees he brings your legs further apart as he brings his face to your heated core. Locking his eyes with yours, he runs a long strip with his tongue against your clothed core. A wine escapes your lips at the action causing your already damp underwear to now be soaked. His teeth catch hold at the top and rips the garment off of you, you gasp as the cold air hits your newly exposed area. His warm breath fans across you as he sticks out his tongue again. You soon realized the situation you were in and how dirty it made you feel.

“I..I never do stuff like this” trying desperately to clear your image. You look down at the blond between your legs and notice two horns that stick out of each side of his head. Your eyes travel down his body taking in his large build and to the large black and red wings that come out form his back. “W-wait are you supposed to be the devil or something?” His eyes light up underneath you and he smirks

“Oh you have no idea” A load moan rips from your mouth as he plunges his tongue past your lips deep into you. You squirm as you feel it travel up inside of you, what the fuck no normal tongue can do this, but you are taken out of your thoughts as it brushes against your soft spongey wall. Just as quickly as the overwhelming sensation had came it left, his tongue retreating out of you as you let out a whine at lose of contact. “Quiet now, you don't want anyone to hear how desperate you are now do you?”

You nodded your head and bit down on your lip as the familiar feeling sends warm surges to your core. His tongue was going to be the death of you. The things you’d sign away to feel like this forever. The way it moved inside of you like no other, pressing against all the right spots perfectly. With how hard you were biting down on your lip you were sure you would draw blood but it was to good for you to handle. If this is just his tongue imagine if...the dirty thought causes you to clench around him. His moan vibrates against your clit at the feeling making you roll back your eyes at the sensation. The warm knot growing bigger as you felt yourself coming closer by this stranger.

“I-I’m so close” You barely manage to get out, not able to think due to the pure pleasure seeping through you. He lets out a groan against you, giving you permission to come undone. And that final vibration was all you needed to release that building pressure in your core. You bit down most of your moan but a small whimper still manages to make its way out. You feel his tongue leave and lick up every drop that may have escaped.

“You taste so good angel, wouldn’t want any of this to go to waste.” He moves to your thigh leaving light kisses that soon turn into harsh attacks, his sharp teeth grazing your skin. Finally he manages to peel himself away and moves back up to your face, just inches away you can see his once bright red eyes darken with lust. “Now I am going to fuck you so hard you wont be able to walk the rest of the way home.” His hand finds its way around you neck lightly giving it a squeeze “But I bet a little slut like you would love that huh?”

You feel your airway constricting, not only from his hand but the words that he said, a throb surging through your already sensitive core. You hear him shuffle and then move his hand from your neck to the back of your thighs, giving them a squeeze making you jump. He lifts you up with that momentum and you instinctively wrap your legs around his hips. A whimper leaves your lips as you feel his head slide against your folds, coating in your slick.

Suddenly he drops you onto him, as he plunges fully into you. You throw your head onto his shoulder, biting at the fabric of his shirt as he stretches you out. You weren’t expecting him to be that big, but he filled you up perfectly. You can feel his smirk against your skin as he lets you adjust to his size. The cold feeling of rough brick against your back as you try to get used to it.

“Pleease… move” you let out, barely louder than a whisper.

“Oh with pleasure” He moves out of you completely, with just his tip at your entrance before slamming back into you. A groan escapes his lips at how tight your walls hug him. “For such a slutty girl you’re so fucking tight kitten” 

His movements speed up sending you into a state of euphoria. His dick hitting your g-spot with every rut. He dips his head into your neck, searching for your sensitive spot. As a moan rips from you mouth he knew he had found it, and starts his attacking, earning all kind of noises from you. 

His speed was starting to pick up even faster and you don’t know how much longer you’ll be able to with stand this. His dick moving in and out of you at an inhuman speed. Sensitive to every move he made, you could feel the way his thick veins rubbed against your walls causing your toes to curl as you felt a burning sensation start to build back up.

“I-I don’t think I c-can last much longer” was all you can say as he slams into you.

“Let everyone know who is making you feel this good, let them know who you belong to now.” He growls against your neck, teeth drawing blood due to his bit.

“You! God, you Katsuki. I’m all yours!” You scream out, pleasure starting to completely take over you, note even caring about your volume. A devilish smirk takes over his face.

“Then cum for me.” His says as he slams deep into you. His words making you come undone for the second time that night. This was so much more intense then the first one, your legs squeezing around him hard as you loose all control. His pace starts to falter as he watches you come apart in front of him causing him to reach his own high. He twitches within you, hot ropes filling you up as he moans at his release.

Your breathing rough as you try to regain your senses. He hold you in place against him and the wall as you catch you breath, as he does the same. Eventually he pulls out of you and lowers you to the ground, your knees wanting to instantly give out but they don’t. You eyes meet his as you realize what has just happened. 

“Am I ever going to see you again?” You feel dumb even asking the question, until you hear him chuckle infront front of you.

“You’ll be seeing lots of me” His gaze drops down and you follow it to your wrist. Gasping as you seeing a binding mark on your wrist with a red glow to it. You quickly look and lock eyes with him, the same red glow meeting you. He lowers his head back to your ear once again as his next words send chills down your spine.

“You’re mine now.”

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Eight

Very late, I'm sorry, I just couldn't post it without tweaking things here and there because I'm a little bitch that wants to get this right. I hope everyone has had a good Christmas!!

Words: 4k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse, explicit sexual situations

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"It's not a death sentence, Viv." Sharise assures me in the back of the limo. 

"I've really been a lunatic, Sharise, and it's not just because people have overexaggerated about how I've been acting--it's because I've actually been fucking crazy." I state as she sips her champagne. "I have a diagnosis and new medication to prove it." 

"Is it ever gonna go away?" She asks me next, furrowing her brows a little. 

"Nope, but it sure as shit can get worse." I tell her. "There's two strains of it and I have the second one which is just shorter spells of mania--a.k.a being a fucking looney tune--and leaning more depressive--a.k.a staying in bed for three months straight and not wanting my husband to touch me despite just getting married." 

"You're not crazy." She argues, lightly kicking at my leg with her heel. "You just have an imbalance in your brain. It's annoying, yeah, but you're not crazy." 

"I just don't want Nikki to leave me over this. Nothing screams stable marriage like bipolar disorder and heroin addiction." 

"Shut up, you're okay, Nikki's okay, you guys will be okay." She assures me. 

I think back to what his therapist wants us to do Wednesday...I can't tell him I'm pregnant. I haven't even told Duff and he should be the first one I tell. 

I feel like as soon as I tell Nikki, it really will be over. 

I get nauseous, my mouth watering. 

"I need air." I pull the sunroof back and stand up, try to calm down, my eyes closing and my head leaning back as we stop at a red-light. 

I hear the obnoxious rumble of a motorcycle coming to a stop in the lane beside us, and groan. 

"Whew!" I hear a familiar voice call. "Your old man let you outta the house?!" Robbin yells over his the noise of his bike and I look over. 

"He's in rehab!" I reply. 

"No shit!" He chuckles. "Whatcha doin'?!"

"Getting some air!"

"There's plenty of air over here!" He informs me. "Come get on!" He gives a grin. 

"I'm good!" 

"Oh, c'mon, Viv, I've only had a couple shots!"

"Couple shots of what, is the question!" I reply. 

"I'm not high!" He states. "Come on!"

I look at him, considering it. 

"You look too damn good to be riding around in a blacked out car where nobody can see you!" He adds and I roll my eyes. "Come get on the damn bike, Viv, a couple blocks won't kill you!" 

I rub my lips together, seeing that the light is gonna turn in a minute. 

"You're gonna get me in trouble!" I say, going to pull my heels off. 

"Not much more than what you're already in!" He says back. 

I sigh out and start to climb out of the sunroof and he puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles loudly before he ignores the cars behind him and kicks the stand of the bike down, coming and grabbing my waist to help me down the car. 

"You look like sex on ten-foot legs!" He adds and I shake my head, pushing at him playfully as we get on his motorcycle. 

"Where the hell are you going?!" Sharise pokes her head out of the roof. 

"I'll catch up to you in a minute!" I tell her.

"Viv--" the light turns green and Robbin doesn't waste any time with getting gone, cutting Sharise short. 

I don't know if it's the loudness of the bike, mixed with the wind and Black Sabbath blaring through speakers I'm assuming he managed to beg someone to build into the Harley, or him smelling like a bar, so I know he's probably drunk and I'm focused on not getting myself killed, but I manage to get my mind off of all the bullshit that just seems to keep getting heaped on loads at a time.

We get to the Cathouse, eventually, which is where Sharise and I were headed, and Robbin comes to a stop and parks his bike and I swing my leg back over the side and put my heels back on, reaching for the strap to buckle it, but failing. 

Before I can grab it, he's crouching down and putting my foot on his knee, fastening it for me before he does the other. 

"Thank you." I tell him as he finishes. 

"Wouldn't want you to break a nail." He replies sarcastically.

"Ha ha, smartass." I state and he chuckles, standing up, as I think back to earlier. 

"What 'trouble' am I in?" I ask him. 

"You think I didn't see you come running in with Duff while Nikki was OD'ing?"

"You managed to see that while you were running out of the room to get outta dodge?" I ask him, smartly. 

"I helped Slash's girlfriend for a minute while they were getting you and Duff." He explains. "I got out of there before you had a caniption and killed all of us." 

"I wouldn't have killed you." I argue. "Make you wish you were dead, sure, but actually kill you, no." 

He smiles a little and rubs his lips together. 

"So, Nikki knows about you two?"

"Yeah."

"And he still wants to work things out?"

"Yeah...no reason for him not to when he cheated on me with Vanity, first." 

He just smiles and nods. 

"I'm glad you two are doing that." He tells me. "I was really bummed when I heard he'd filed for divorce." 

"Well, we're not outta the woods yet." I mumble and he furrows his brows. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I'm knocked up, Robbin." I blurt, and he looks down at me with this expression on his face of confusion and unamusement.

"That shit's not funny, Viv." He states to me.

"I'm fucking pregnant, Robbin, I'm not trying to be funny." 

I snap out of it when Robbin repeats his question, "what do you mean?" 

"Oh, sorry...I don't know...I forgot what I was gonna say." I say next, wishing I could actually tell him I'm pregnant.

When we get inside and get to VIP, Sharise is sitting with her arms crossed, brows raised at me when I sit down. 

"What?" I ask her. 

"You ditched me for a boy." She tells me, pouting. 

"I didn't ditch you." I reply. 

"You so ditched me."

"...Yeah, I did." I admit, smiling and she nudges me with her elbow, saying, "you better be glad he's cute or I'd be more pissed over it," and I laugh as she finishes her drink.

After a night of dancing and pretending I'm not reaping the consequences of my exponential crisis, I'm dropped off at home. 

When I get inside, I see flowers on the small table in the foyer, and smile a little, seeing the little card that reads, "VIVIAN." 

I pluck the paper from the vase and turn it over to read it. 

See you Wednesday

—Nikki

My smile grows wider before slowly falling. 

I'm not sure he'll even want to be with me after Wednesday. 

I feel guilty because I know he's probably decently looking forward to getting all of this over with and starting over, yet here I come with a damn baby. 

Putting the card back with the flowers and placing them on the kitchen counter, I go to my bathroom to get a shower. 

Once I'm done, I'm staring at myself in the mirror, studying to see if there's any noticeable changes…

My boobs are slightly bigger, nothing too, too obvious--I guess Doc's observant. 

I do look like I'm glowing a little bit, but I can blame that on starting fresh with Nikki and how happy I am because of it. 

I open the bathroom drawer and pick up the little ultrasound picture I had taken. 

A sick part of me has been hoping I'd miscarry by now so I wouldn't have to turn mine, Nikki's and Duff's lives into a shitshow, but I was told the baby's healthy. 

I'm not sure why the hell my body refused to grow anything in it, I guess I should've looked into it after my third miscarriage in a row, but I didn't want to pry at myself. I just wanted to forget I was pregnant at all. 

I regret that, now, though...I don't want to get a couple months in and BAM! no more baby, like in the beginning of '86. I should've looked into it earlier and so I could have figured out what was causing it so I couldn't let it happen anymore. 

Despite us not speaking in years, I was certain my mother had, indeed, still managed to screw me over one last time. My uterus was septated and had gone unnoticed in ultrasounds for years--either by the hands of shitty technology or shitty technicians and doctors that didn't say anything about it. Apparently it was a genetic mutation that women could be born with and was a mystery in itself, but a part of me always blamed my mom.

September 1987

"Wait, wait, wait," I chuckle, Duff's lips on my neck. 

Before I even realize what's happening, my back is hitting the mattress of the bed I share with Nikki while Duff's lips are tugging along the skin of my neck, coaxing a light vapor of moans from my throat while I grab at the bottom of his shirt, tugging it over his head. 

Mine's next, lips pressing down my chest as his hands slide under my back to get my bra off. 

My back arches to let the fabric escape, all while my hands pull at my panties, getting them down my legs before I'm kicking them off, the two of us chuckling, his lips coming back to mine while he goes for his belt buckle. 

It's hard to pretend he's Nikki, like I catch my mind trying to do, because he's not as rough as Nikki is. His kiss is sweet and gentle--not weak by any means, and its still hot, but Nikki's is dominantly aggressive and attentive without even meaning to be…

"Condom," Duff says pulling his lips from mine. 

"We don't have any." I tell him, catching my breath. 

"...I'll see if I have some in the car." 

"You can just pull out." I suggest, not wanting him to give me time to change my mind about this. 

"Are you sure?" He asks me, fingertips running over my cheek. 

"Yes." I grin and he slowly smiles and leans down again, kissing me. 

I screw my eyes shut when he slowly pushes into me, letting out a groan under his breath while I take in a sharp breath, nails biting into his back. 

"Are you okay?" He asks me, and I nod, eyes still closed. 

"Yeah." I sigh out, hands grabbing at his arms, nails biting into the tattoo on his bicep as he pulls out of me and pushes back inside, huffing out a sharp breath, his forehead against mine as I lean up and kiss him, humming as he starts thrusting into me steadily, overwhelmingly so.

Unlike Nikki, he's not ferociously aggressive for the most part. He's more so gently aggressive. 

I can't contain the near squeak that emits from my throat as he continues in and out of me, my arms and legs desperate to get him as close to me as possible.

The more I show that I'm feeling good, the more comfortable he gets, and the more deliberate his movements are. 

"It--" I'm cut short when he pushes against my cervix, and my eyes roll back. 

He's about to pull back out but I wrap my legs around him and pull him back in as I beg, "no, no, please, right there." 

He looks down at me, eager to please, looking me in the eye as he pushes against it, again, a sharp shiver shuttering up my back and I cry out, arching my back when his fingers go to my clit. 

My hands dig into the sheets, gasps and whimpers leaving me as he watches me, patiently, like he's studying me in the throes of stupidity and pleasure.  

I'm trying to crawl away when he grins and starts hounding at me, repeatedly hitting the spot in me that has tears pooling in my eyes from pleasure. 

"Please, don't stop." I ask him, my voice weak, and he sits back on his knees, pulling me onto him, grabbing my hips, guiding quick movements into me, making my thighs tense up while he looks down at my tits and the sight of him fucking me, before his eyes catch at my hip bone. 

"Do you like it?" I ask him and he runs his thumb over the "D" in my skin and looks at me before kissing me, quickening his pace again, hitting my sweet spot once more several times while I tighten around him. 

"Are you gonna come?" He asks me, and I nod, not able to speak. 

I push him down to the mattress and straddle him before I brace myself on his chest and start riding him. 

"Fuck," he says as he watches me, probably not able to believe we're having sex. 

My orgasm hits me in a wave, my head back, my hands moving over his on my waist, before he sits up and pulls my lips to his hotly, our tongues dancing as he wraps his arms around me. 

In a couple more minutes, he's holding me still while thrusting up into me desperately, and I feel my brain swimming on dopamine as sweat rolls down my spine. 

"I'm gonna come." He tells me, shutting his eyes and licking his lips for a second before looking down at himself going in and out of me. 

"Then come." I say softly, leaning forward, kissing, licking, and biting up his neck. 

Duff lets out a sharp breath, his hands pulling me down onto him while he gives one last thrust into me, warmth spreading throughout me as his cum coats my insides. 

"Fuck." I whimper out, my hips flexing, at the feeling. 

"How the fuck could he cheat on you?" He asks me, reeling off his sex-high, his eyes running all over my glistened skin before he's sitting up, wrapping his arms around me. "You're so fucking flawless." He adds and I smile at him, brushing the hair from his face before kissing him. 

Once I get off of him and lay beside him in the bed, he's looking up at our mirrored ceiling, that's recently been replaced ever since I broke it throwing a tantrum. 

"That was…" I start, realizing what I'd just done, and he looks at me, his brows furrowed slightly. 

"Are you okay?" He asks me, sitting up, probably thinking I'm about to cry. 

"Yes, I'm fine." I assure him. "It's just strange to have sex without being left right after." I add, remembering the more times than not that Nikki would leave to go out after we got done. 

"I'm not leaving." He tells me, his hand brushing against my cheek. 

"I know." I reply, closing my eyes, my face resting against the pillow as tiredness creeps up on me. 

He lays back down beside me, pulling me closer to him, and comfort consumes my body…

...Right before the roaring of Nikki's Harley pulling into the driveway shatters it.

I snap up, Duff doing the same. 

"Is that…?" He asks me, eyes wide. 

"Shit!" I whisper yell, the two of us getting out of bed. 

He nearly trips, pulling his jeans back on, and I'm pulling my silk robe on, grabbing Duff's shoes, heading for the guest bedroom closet. 

Once he's hidden, having to crouch uncomfortably to fit under the shelf, I'm running back to our room, spraying a few sprays of my perfume to throw off the sex smell.

I rush to the bathroom to wet a washcloth and get Duff's cum, that's leaking down my legs now, off, just as I hear Nikki's boots stomping into our room. 

I finish cleaning up as fast as possible and get back out there to see him shirtless. 

"H-Hey." I nervously greet him, regretting not fixing my hair from its roused state. 

He glances at me and does a double take, his eyes snaking up my exposed legs before he's looking at me. 

A slick smirk falls on his lips as he says:

"Whatcha been doing?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, eyes wide. 

"I know what you look like post-orgasm, Viv. There's no shame in having fun with yourself." He adds and I nearly sigh out with relief. He thinks I've been masterbating. Perfect. "Infact," he steps closer, making me step back until my back hits the wall, and he puts his hand beside my head, trapping me in, "it's really hot." 

I shift uncomfortably as his other hand moves to the curve of my hip, slipping under the robe to palm at my ass cheek, and I have to force myself to hold back a moan when his hand suddenly comes down to harshly give one good smack to my flesh before rubbing over my stinging skin. 

"Don't stop just because I pulled up." He tells me, motioning to the messy bed. "Keep doing your thing and I'll just observe." He grins, his hand moving to my throat. "Might even get the camera out like the good ole days." 

I can't seem to make myself talk, my breathing heavy, my tongue being bit between my teeth. 

We stare at each other another moment before he loses his grin and runs the thumb of his other hand across my lip. 

He leans down and I let out a breath. 

"Nikki," I start softly, about to pull away as best as I can but he stops me, pressing his lips to mine for a second. 

Our tongues meet soon after, and he's running his hands down my back, before pulling me up to wrap my legs around his waist, causing me to let out a moan as my back's against the wall while he threads his fingers through my hair. 

I snap out of it when my back hits the mattress, his hands sliding under my robe to run over my stomach, up my ribs to run over my breasts before grazing down my sides. 

"Nikki." I say after a moment, the two of us catching our breath. 

"Take your robe off." He ignores me, pressing a kiss to the center of my chest. 

"Nikki, no." I deny him. "It wouldn't be smart for us to do that."

"Why not? You've already drawn up divorce papers or something?" He stands up, pulling away from me.

"You're drunk." I bite at him, annoyed. "And what are you doing home? You don't come back home until morning, usually." 

"Tommy puked on me, I had to change shirts." He says. "Not that I owe you a fucking explanation."

"Never said you did, Nikki. It was just a question."

"No, but you're looking pissed that I'm here so that's why I am."

"I'm not pissed, can you stop assuming things?" 

"Whatever, Viv." He grumbles as I stand up, too. 

"Yeah, whatever, Nikki." 

"Oh my God, just shut the fuck u--" he stops abruptly, and I'm confused until I see he's focused on my hip bone, that's been exposed by my robe failing me when it shifts, and I see he's focused on the "D" on my hip. 

He steps closer to me, angling his head in every direction to see it clearly, even laying on the carpet and looking at it from below, the same confused expression on his face. 

When he gets off the floor, he's on his knees, holding at my hips to look at it from centimeters away. 

"Nikki, cut it out." I scold him, trying to move away from him but he stops me. 

"Ya know, the funniest thing is happening. I haven't taken anything hallucinogenic, but I swear I see a 'D' on your hip bone." He tells me and I finally get out of his grip as he stands back up, studying my expression. "Oh, hell fucking no, you did n--I know you do not have a fucking 'D' on your fucking body."

I had one in me a few minutes ago.

"It's not a 'D', Nikki." 

"I may not have graduated but I know my ABCs, Vivian, and that's a fucking 'D'!" 

"It's a Roman numeral for '100'!" I say back, smartly. "To represent the least number of times you fucked Vanity while we were together, so I'll never forget!" 

"We're still together, Vivian!" He screams.

"Really?! Is that why you screw groupies almost every night on the road?!" 

"Because I get lonely because my wife refuses to acknowledge me without screaming my fucking head off!"

"You were screwing another woman even when I wasn't perpetually angry at you, Nikki, what the fuck are you talking about 'lonely'?!" 

"You know what I mean!" He yells back. "See, I can't even come home without you starting a fucking fight!" 

"Then freaking get out!" I throw my hands up. 

"I am!" He shouts, getting his shirt on and grabbing the keys to his bike and heading to the door and I follow him. 

"Good!" I scream back. 

He leaves, slamming the door, and I exhale sharply, forcing back tears, letting out a frustrated groan before throwing one of our wedding photos at the wall. 

When I start back to our room, Duff is cautiously waiting in the hallway looking at me with a sad expression. 

"Don't worry about it." I assure him, kissing his cheek, before stepping back to the bedroom. 

"Don't worry about it." He didn't have anything to worry about then, but look at what five months did.

I shut the door of my car, looking at the apartment Duff's now sharing with Mandy, and let out a breath. 

Tucking the picture of a teeny-tiny little thing growing in me into my purse, I head up and knock on his door hesitantly, hearing Mandy call, "coming!" 

She opens the door and her eyes light up when she sees me, a big grin coming to her face, a softness to her sweet eyes that makes my stomach turn with nausea. 

"Hey, Viv!" She greets me, stepping aside as if it's muscle memory. 

Why does she have to make this so hard on me? Why can't she be a raging bitch? 

"Hey, Mandy." I reply, going inside, glancing around. 

"What's up?" She asks and I rub my lips together. 

"I really need to talk to you and Duff." I reply and she furrows her brows. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Just have a seat." I tell her. 

"O-Okay…" she goes to the living room and sits down. "Duff, c'mere!" She calls as I sit across from her, nervously fumbling with my hands. 

"What's u--hey, Viv." He says, smiling at me as he dries his hair with a towel. 

"She said she needs to talk to us." Mandy says, her tone causing him to look at me, cautiously. 

"What's wrong?" He asks and I can hear my blood pressure in my ears. 

"...I just...really, really, need to tell you something important." I say as he sits down. 

"Alright." He clears his throat, the two of them staring at me and I realize I'm not freaking talking to them at all. 

Just looking at them like a scared puppy. 

"What's going on, Viv?" He asks me. 

I decide maybe speaking right away is best, opening my purse and grabbing the photo, leaning forward to hand it to him. 

He takes it and Mandy both look at it where I have him/her circled in a red marker, confused…

"Is this…" Mandy starts and stops, eyes shooting up at me. "Are you pregnant, Vivian?" 

I swallow the lump in my throat. 

"I'm pregnant." I admit out loud. 

A smile comes to their faces, which throws me off completely. 

"This is good, isn't it?" Duff asks me, handing the picture back, "I mean, you and Nikki are working things out and he's sobering up...I think it's a good thing, you know?" He shrugs, his smile reaching ear to ear.

"Yeah." Mandy agrees and I have to take deep breaths to keep from crying. 

"Duff, Mandy," I start, my voice cracking, "Duff," I repeat and his smile slowly, very, very, slowly fades as if he knows exactly what I'm saying before I finally say, "I'm pregnant."

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

Jon Snow x reader

Pairing: Jon Snow x young reader (platonic)

Summary: reader is a captured wilding and is forced to be Jon's steward. Shes tough and stubborn but one day something happens and her feelings for the crow begin to change.

Warnings: Swearing, violence, attempted assault, mentions of rape. Mentions of blood.

***************************************************

A/n Hello my loves! Just a quick note about this story. Reader is a young teenager, also her relationship with Jon is non romantic. Hes protective of her like a brother. I hope you like it!

***************************************************

"Whats your name girl?" you wanted to roll your eyes but refrained as the new commander of the nights watch, barely a man in your opinion tried to be intimidating in a room full of equally unintimatading men.

As dumb as they looked they still outnumbered you like 100 to 1. So you begrudgingly decided to answer.

"Y/n"

The lord commander, or more commonly known as Jon snow the bastard of winterfell, nodded once, satisfied that he finally gotten a word out of you.

"Well y/n, seeing as your people are gone-"

"Dead you mean" you couldn't help but bite out. "You crows saw to that"

Those damn crows had raided your village and slaughtered everyone save yourself.

"You're lucky we didn't gut you along with the rest of those filthy wildlings" one man spat out stepping forward but was halted by the commander, "Enough!"

"We had no choice, they trespassed and started to cause trouble-"

"Trespassed?! That land has been ours for generations, and just because some rich folk came and decided to put up a wall and cast us out, we're the criminals?!" You felt your anger rise again. "We didnt do anything wrong! We were just trying to survive like everyone else in this stupid godsforsaken world!"

The lord commander sighed with fustration, he tried to have patience, after all she was more or less a child. Well a child with the mouth of a 40 year old sailor.

"I'm sorry y/n, but there are rules, and they broke those rules"

"Rules?" You scoffed, "And who decided on those rules hmm? Certainly not the people who lived here, so tell me Snow, why the hell should any of us listen to rules that were forced on us?! In our eyes you are the enemy. We were just people, trying to not starve and freeze to fucking death and you slaughter us like animals!" You felt the burn behind your eyes as you remembered the screams and smell of blood. But you would die before you cried in front of these heartless butchers.

"I'm sorry that you had to witness it, but you have a choice to make now" he looked into your eyes with seriousness. "You can either be sent back beyond the wall or..." he paused hesitantly, "you can serve as a steward here"

You almost laughed, "Are you drunk Snow?!? Or do you actually think those are fair options?"

"Considering I'm already bending the rules by letting you live, yes I do" he said firmly.

You let out a humorless laugh, "So you think throwing me into the wilderness alone is fair? Or I suppose making me a slave to the nights watch is somehow better?" You glared at the men around you. Half of them fithly pigs who would no doubt use you whenever they got the chance.

"No harm would come to you if you stayed, of this you have my word. And you wouldn't be a slave. You'd be my steward."

But I wouldnt be allowed to leave, so a slave... but it's either that or what's beyond the wall.. I wouldn't last a day alone... after a while of silently debating I looked up into the killer's eyes, and sealed my fate with a nod.

************************************

The first week was hell. All you wanted to do was murder every crow you saw.

If you had poison you would've wasted no time spilling it in the stew you had to carry to commander stupids room every evening.

He acted like he cared, asked about if you had enough to eat and if anyone had been bothering you. But you ignored him. He was just trying to get you to trust him, and then he would turn on you. It was all a sick game, you were sure of it.

Another few weeks passed in a similar manner, he gave up on trying to make conversation which you were ever thankful for.

Not having anyone to talk to was the worst part. Your days were horribly dull. You cleaned, did laundry, prepped meals and repeat. Other than glares no one had messed with you which you were kinda disappointed in to be honest. You would take any excuse to blacken and bruise those ugly mugs of theirs...

Apparently the gods had a sense of humor because the next day you found yourself cornered by two of them.

"You should be on your knees thanking us girl" one of them sneered.

"We coulda left you for dead with those other savages but we didnt. And all you've been is given attitude."

"It ain't right"

"No it ain't" they agreed.

While they yapped you were mentally figuring out how you were gonna fight your way out of this one. Three against one wasnt exactly fair, and it's not like snow let you carry around your weapons. And the fact that you were far away, gathering firewood when they cornered you wasn't ideal.

Ugly man number one tsked when he saw your wandering eyes, "no use screamin girl, no ones gonna hear you"

"What the fuck do you want, the sooner you tell me, the sooner I dont have to look at your ugly faces" you couldn't help but want to anger them.

The bald one shoved your shoulder against the wall, on instinct you swooped your arm over his and brought it down, severing the hold and then you kneed him in the groin...hard.

"You bitch!" He faltered and you took that opportunity to try and get away. Ugly number 2 grabbed the cloth of your shirt and pulled back but you quickly shoved an elbow hard into his face.

While you were distracted, the third man, let's call him horse face, pulled your hair harshly until you were tumbling to the ground with a grunt.

It didnt take long for the other 2 to recover and help horse face pin you down. P

A deep rooted panic spread across your body. "Get the fuck off me!" You tried to hide the fear in your voice as you thrashed.

"Shut up wilding whore!" You heard the sharp smack before you felt the pain blossom against your cheek.

"You got the mouth of a slut, now let's see if you've got the body of one" your eyes widened and you felt a rough hand slide under your tunic.

"S-stop it! I swear I'll kill-" he shut you up with another sharp slap. You could now taste copper in your mouth.

"I swear to God if you say one more word I'll cut out that sharp tongue of yours" he pulled his knife out of its sheath and pressed the cold metal against your cheek. You winced as he pressed in and you knew he had broken skin.

You tried to be strong but you were terrified. These men were going to rape you and you didnt have the strength like you thought you did to stop them.

You closed your eyes praying to whatever gods were out there that this would not happen. But the gods were cruel. They had allowed the crows to wipe out the only people you had to call family. No they weren't yours by blood, but they had taken you in and cared for you. Taught you how to hunt, how to fight, and now this is how your life was going to end.

"That's a good girl" he took your silence as compliance and started to kiss down your neck.

You shivered in disgust and fear, one hand placed firmly on your neck keeping you in place and the other was exploring beneath your shirt.

You didnt want to give up, you wanted to fight. You didnt want to be raped and killed. How would you ever face your family in the after life if you didnt put up a decent fight. Taking a deep breathe , with the risk of losing your tongue looming in your mind, you clenched your fists and let out your last shred of hope,

"GHOOOOOST" you hoped the wolf you had come to befriend could hear through the walls.

"WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU" he clamped a crushing hand over your mouth.

"W-we should g-go, what if that mutt heard?" Horse face looked around nervously.

"Shut up Pud, no way that he can hear all the way in here"

"But-"

"Oh for god sakes, hold her down and be quiet!" He motioned for horse face to clamp my mouth shut instead whilst he began unbuckling his trousers.

"Before I cut that pretty tongue of yours, I'm gonna see how it feels around my c-AHH FUCK" a giant streak of white crossed your vision.

"HELP YOU IDIOTS, DONT JUST STAND THERE, FUCK!" You heard growling and tearing sounds.

The mens hold on you immediately loosened and you took that chance to sit up and see what the hell was going on. And when you saw the familiar white fur and black eyes you almost cried in relief.

Ghost had launched himself at your assailant and was currently biting away at his arm. The other two turned tail quick and made for the door, thinking they could escape, but what they did not expect was a very angry lord commander blocking their way.

"Ghost" he called back his wolf who growled at the men before walking back and standing beside his master.

You couldn't tell whose eyes were more threatening, the wolf, or the bastard wolf..

Before you knew what was happening several crows flooded the room and arrested the bleeding man and his friends.

The commanders attention was now on you. You rolled onto you knees and tried to stand up but found that someone had traded your legs for jelly cakes.

"Y/n" you immediately looked down, not wanting him to see how afraid you were.

You were surprised at how soft the commanders voice was now compared to two seconds ago when he ordered they be taken to the prisons. "Are you alright?" He knelt down in front of you and reached a hand out to your face.

You flinched and he hesitantly pulled back, "Its alright now, your safe, please... let me help you" he said almost pleading.

You don't know what came over you but something was telling you that it was ok to trust him so you nodded.

This time when he reached a hand to lift your face up you didnt pull away.

You met his eyes and found anger and regret in them, "I'm sorry"

You were instantly confused, "For what?" You questioned as he continued to inspect your injuries.

"I said that no harm would come to you, I shouldve kept a closer eye on you" he apologized with a look of deep regret.

You didnt know what to say. Why was he being so nice to you?! It didnt make any sense, weren't the crows supposed to be the bad ones? But he saved you...well ghost did lead them to you so you really should be thanking him but...

You didnt really know how to respond so you just stayed quiet. He moved to help you up, gentle hands supporting you. When it was clear you couldn't stand on your own he asked if you would let him help you to maester aemon.

Reluctantly you nodded and was surprised when he swooped down and gently lifted you up like those dumb princesses you heard about in fairy tales.

You thought he was just gonna help you walk with a slung over arm or something.... if you weren't so exausted you probably would've been way more embarrassed.

Wordlessly he carried you through the halls and into Maester Aemons infirmary. He set you down on the bed with care and said he would be back to check on you later. The maester was already by your side examining your injuries.

You dont know what came over you, but before you knew what was happening your mouth opened and halted the lord commander through the door.

"Thank you snow..." you were glad he was facing the door, you were sure your face was bright red.

But if he had been facing you, you would've seen his smile.

Maybe not all the crows were so bad after all...

********

Ok soo it was kind of short I know, but my idea was for this to be a sort of prologue to a mini series of Jon and the reader. Please let me know if that's something you guys would want! Thanks for reading🥰

[songsoomin]

Let Me Down  Part 2 (A, S)

Synopsis: CollegeStudent!Mingi x CollegeStudent!Reader, Friend!Yunho. After you left Mingi due to his neglect of you, you’re both finding it tough to move on

Song inspiration: ‘Need You Now’ Lady A

Genre: Angst, smut and eventual fluff (but not yet)

Warnings: Drunk unprotected sex, fingering, oral (m and f receiving), mentions of using alcohol to cope with the pain, threat of sexual assault (by random character, of course not any of the boys), physical violence (towards same random character). 

Word count: 9K (sorry)

Posted: 27th June 2020

Part 1 Part 3

It was the third time you'd heard the gentle knock on your bedroom door and for the third time you ignored it.

"Y/N...." Jina's worried voice filtered through, "...please come out and eat something."

You buried your head further under the covers.

"You haven't eaten properly in days. Not since -"

"Jina...let her be. She just needs some time." Suzy interjected before Jina could mention him. Both your roomates had been tip-toeing around what happened three days ago. The day you finally broke up with Mingi. They'd both been waiting for you to see sense and dump your selfish, unreliable boyfriend of five years but hadn't forseen the fallout from that decision. Now they were both worried for you.

When they came home from their lectures that day to find you lying on your bed, red-eyed from crying all afternoon. They had thought that as you were the one who broke it off, you'd cry it out and then get over it - after all, it wasn't like you were the one who'd been dumped...you'd chosen to end it. They had got it very wrong, though, because you still loved Mingi, despite leaving him and you felt like your world had caved in on you. You left him because you couldn't stand knowing he didn't love you the same way anymore, knowing you just weren't that important to him. You had to leave because you knew the way he was treating you was wrong. It didn't mean you didn't love him anymore, though, and right now you were starting to question whether this pain you were feeling was worse than the hurt you felt while you were with him.

"You did the right thing, Y/N." Suzy said with confidence later that evening when you had finally given in to Jina's worrying and come out to pick at some toast. "You can't allow yourself to be taken for granted like that."

"I know it hurts now but you'll start to feel better soon and one day you'll find someone who isn't too stupid to see how lucky he is to have you." You almost rolled your eyes at the cliched line coming out of your best friend's mouth but you didn't want to offend her; you knew she was trying her best to cheer you up.  

"It might not be too bad, Y/N..." Jina added, "At least you don't have any shared classes with him and there isn't long left before graduation anyway. You'll never have to see him again after that."

The feeling you got when Jina spoke of never seeing Mingi again was like being punched in the gut. You felt sick so you ditched your toast and made an excuse, trudging back to your room to lay on your bed, willing this feeling to go away.

By Monday you had come to the realisation that you couldn't stay in your room forever so when Suzy - the 'mother' of your trio - came in to ask if you were going to return to your classes, you surprised her by already being awake. It was wholly unlike you to be up and dressed early but you hadn't been sleeping properly for the last week anyway.

As the weeks went by you found that you could return to life as normal for the most part; you went to classes, your part-time job, even a few social gatherings and you seemed almost normal again but Jina and Suzy could see it. You weren't ok. You did a good enough job of pretending in order to get through the day but you weren't quite the same anymore. You also knew this but the only way you knew to manage was to ignore the pain; you buried it as far down as you could until it was just a dull ache in the background, a constant reminder that he didn't love you.

                                                   ********

Mingi POV

"So she finally dumped your sorry arse?" Hongjoong asked once Mingi told him why he was slumped on the couch staring blankly at the TV screen. To be honest he hadn't paid any attention to what was on and now he looked at it properly it appeared to be some kind of gardening programme - certainly not what he would normally watch and what must've caused his friends such confusion when they came back to the dorm Mingi shared with Yunho and Hongjoong.

"You did have it coming, though..." Yeosang said matter-of-factly, earning a glare from Mingi but he continued undisturbed, "I mean, did you think she would put up with being neglected forever? You barely made any time for her, at all."

Mingi contemplated that and realised he had never thought about it. It would be a lie to say he was unaware that he prioritised his friends over you but he just assumed you were ok and would always be there.

"You ok, bro?" Yunho asked, jolting Mingi out of his thoughts suddenly. The tall blonde, as his best friend, was more worried about how Mingi felt than the others were.

"I'm fine." Mingi said trying to sound a lot more happy than he felt. "In fact, I'm great. I can do whatever I want now, spend as much time with you guys as I like without being nagged about it. Now I can enjoy our last months at college before we have to join the real world."

Yunho looked at him as if he was crazy and maybe he was but if he kept telling himself that this was a good thing for him then maybe he would start to believe it and get rid of this painful aching in his chest.

"You know, you really didn't deserve her." Yunho muttered as he walked away.

It had been about two months since Mingi had really seen you - not that he hadn't looked but he seemed to only catch a glimpse of you as you crossed the campus grass or disappeared into one of the lecture halls. He thought he'd at least see you in the cafeteria or eating lunch with your friends on the grass as the weather was so nice now but he never did - it was almost like you had completely disappeared from his life. He hadn't spoken to his friends about you at all - still stuck in his delusion that if he pretended to be happy without you, he would be - but eventually he asked Yunho, who was on the same course as you, if you were still attending lessons.

"Yeah, of course she is." Yunho answered, not thinking much of it as he was distracted with the choice of pizza in front of him at the lunch counter.

"Do you talk to her much? Is she ok?" Mingi attempted to seem nonchalant but the questions caught Yunho's attention now that he'd settled on his usual pepperoni and a diet coke to wash it down with.

"Why?" He asked, raising an eyebrow in challenge. Mingi kept pretending he was having a great time single, going out to clubs, drinking, flirting with girls, but Yunho had been his best friend since they were five years old and he wasn't swallowing that crap. It didn't escape his attention that Mingi was drinking too much and, as much as he flirted, never accepted any of the girls' advances.

"No reason. I just hardly ever see her around - I just wondered." Mingi looked away fast, not wanting Yunho to see just how much he wanted to hear anything about you.

"Uh-huh, sure." Yunho shook his head at Mingi, "Just go try to win her back or something. The others might not notice but I know this is tearing you apart."

"Hey! She dumped me! If she loved me so much she wouldn't have left." As his voice faltered on those last words, Mingi couldn't help but let slip how he really felt. There was no point hiding it, anyway. Yunho already knew.

"You're so stupid, Mingi." Yunho replied, sighing because what he also knew was that you looked like shit all the time because you weren't sleeping or eating properly. He knew you were just as unhappy but Mingi was still just as self-absorbed, only thinking about how hard this was on him when really he should just take some fucking responsibility for how he treated you and realise it was all his own fault.

                                                      ********

In truth you very much had been avoiding any place you knew Mingi would be; you knew his schedule and his habits so you simply made sure you took a different route if your classes ended around the same time. You always went off campus for lunch, as well, somewhere you knew Mingi wouldn't go. Jina and Suzy were really supportive, they knew that it was still hard for you to see him and would do anything to help you through it. As time wore on you actually found that not seeing Mingi helped a lot and slowly you were starting to feel better. Your best friends were also delighted to see you starting to eat better, taking it as a sign you were getting over him. It didn't always work, you were bound to see him occasionally as you were at the same college. When you did see him, though, he would be laughing with his friends, looking so carefree. Sometimes you would see him talking to girls, though, and that same dull ache that never really went away clawed its way back to the surface.

"We're going out tonight!" Suzy announced as she breezed into the living room of your shared dorm.

"Who is?" You asked, confused.

"We are. The three of us." She threw you a look that dared you to say 'no' and carried on so you wouldn't have time to protest. "Lucas invited us to a bar with his friends tonight so I've decided to take you out to have some fun."

"Fun?" You weren't sure about Suzy's idea of fun; it usually involved a lot of drinking and dancing and, more often than not, making fools of yourselves.

"Yes. Fun. That thing you never have anymore. It's about time you got back out there instead of moping around this place. You might even meet someone nice - Lucas has a lot of hot friends, you know." She added with a cheeky wink. "So get in your room and get ready now. I want a hot-looking Y/N in one hour. Jina, that goes for you too!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Jina mock-saluted and headed towards her room, laughing.

You weren't opposed to going out; maybe it would help but you didn't care about meeting anyone. You knew very well how good-looking Lucas's friends were and you used to think Johnny might have a thing for you but you weren't there yet.

The bar itself was really nice and the music wasn't too noisy so you could still have a conversation without having to shout. It had an 80's vibe with coloured neon tube-lights and music of the era but didn't overdo it, still being able to pass for a normal bar rather than a themed one. As soon as you were there, Suzy made a beeline for Lucas and virtually leapt into his arms, kissing him passionately; given their size difference he easily caught and lifted her up when she jumped, wrapping her legs around his middle. They were a really cute couple, you thought; him tall and blonde and Suzy smaller with dyed red-hair. You and Jina followed along, greeting him once she'd let him go and getting introduced to any of his friends that you didn't know already.  

You were actually having a pretty good time, surprisingly, Lucas's friends were fun and made you feel welcome. Some of them might have been a bit too eager to make you - and Jina - feel welcome and you suspected it was to do with what you were wearing and you knew you looked good. Your blue dress wasn't too revealing but it clung in the right places and emphasised your curves and you'd completed the look with a pair of high heels. You may not have been interested in catching anyone's eye but you still liked to look nice because it always made you feel more confident. Jina, however, was loving all the attention she was getting from the boys and was flirting shamelessly, making you laugh to yourself - something you hadn't done much of in months. An hour or so in the drink caught was making it's way through you and you decided to head to the bathroom but, as you wound your way through the crowd of people, you heard something that made you stop in your tracks. You knew that familiar, deep voice all too well and it cut through you like a knife.

You looked to where the voice came from and saw Mingi sitting with some blonde girl on one side of a booth with Seonghwa and a brunette on the other, looking very much like they were double-dating. Your heart twisted painfully as you watched the blonde girl very evidently flirting with him and taking every opportunity to stroke his arm or put her hand on his broad chest. As you stood there dumbstruck, Mingi looked around and you could see the shock cross his handsome face as he registered you standing there.

"Y/N." He called your name almost apologetically, like he'd been caught doing something but you weren't hanging around to find out what he had to say; you almost ran to the bathroom and flew into one of the stalls breathing hard. You sat there processing the situation - so what if he was on a date with some girl? He can do whatever he wants - he's a free man. It wasn't for you to care anymore, you said 'goodbye' to him. You can't afford to care now, you'd come so far trying to move on. Like this you reasoned yourself into a kind of calm and made your way back to your friends, taking a route in which you wouldn't walk past him again. It must have been a little obvious that you weren't quite ok as Johnny seemed to notice but then he had been paying you a fair bit of attention tonight.

"Are you ok? You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine..." you lied as best you could, "Just need another drink is all."

"Comin' right up!" Johnny smiled and ordered you another Purple Rain cocktail while you forced yourself to look happy and normal. You drank the drink pretty quickly and ordered another, hoping the alcohol might ease the ache in your chest that had now returned with a vengeance.

                                                     ********

Mingi POV

"Mingi....Mingi!"

"Oh.. uh.... what?"

"Dammit, Mingi, I've been talking to you for the last five minutes - why are you never with it anymore?" Hongjoong asked, exasperated with his roomate's behaviour.

Yeosang snorted, "We all know why he's never with it anymore."

"Shut up, Yeosang!" Mingi spat back at the smaller blonde man.

Hongjoong sighed and looked at Mingi with concern in his eyes, "Mingi, we're all worried about you. You don't sleep properly, you either mope around the dorm or you stay out partying all night long.....and we've all noticed how much you're drinking these days."

So what if he was? Mingi was tired of his friends' interfering. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

"You know what you need?" Seonghwa added as he plopped down on to the couch next to Mingi, "You need a good fuck."

"Oh my God - that's your answer to everything, Hwa!" Hongjoong despaired, throwing his hands in the air at the oldest member of their friend group. "He needs to deal with his feelings, not hook up with random girls."

"No, it's exactly what he needs." Seonghwa turned his attention over to Mingi now, "Get back on the horse, bro; you haven't been with anyone since Y/N." The mere mention of your name caused Mingi's heart to clench and the pained look on his face didn't go unnoticed by his friends.

"Getting back out there and meeting girls is the best way to forget about her and move on." Except Mingi didn't want to forget about you.

"How on Earth would you know, Hwa?" Yeosang interrupted, laughing, "You've never had your heart broken. In fact, do you even have a heart to break?"

Yeosang laughed harder at the rude gesture Seonghwa threw his way as he replied, "You're just jealous I get laid so much more than you do, Sangie. It's the safest way - if you don't get attached, you can't get hurt."

"Hwa's right!" Mingi jumped up, surprising them all, "If that's what it takes to prove to you all that I'm fine and stop you nagging at me, I'll do it."

"Great! I'm seeing this new girl tonight so I'll ask her to bring a friend along for you." Seonghwa grabbed his phone and started texting, "Go get ready, Min."

A few hours later Mingi was seated in a booth next to some blonde girl he'd just met with Seonghwa and a brunutte opposite them. He had started to realise that Hwa was not right, after all. He didn't want to be here with this vapid girl that was meant to be his date and, to be honest, he'd already forgotten her name. The girls Seonghwa hung around with were all very pretty but he didn't look for much more than that - why would he when he never intended to get to know them? To him, the girls he dated were just for a fun night - maybe a few if he liked them enough - they never lasted long. Seonghwa was tall, dark haired and, arguably, the best looking of them all; his aura just seemed to attract girls without him even trying.

Mingi couldn't help but compare this girl to you; you were beautiful and intelligent. You could have fun together and proper conversations, you had a connection - this girl was so dull, just talking about celebrities and clothes...he really didn't know how Seonghwa could bear it just to get his dick sucked at the end of the night.

He really was trying his best to be friendly and polite but this stupid girl just kept pawing at him, laughing at anything he said as if it were the funniest thing she'd ever heard. He downed his third drink and ordered another just to try to get through this ordeal.

As he was getting through the fourth drink, Mingi felt eyes on him, turning around he saw you standing there looking back at him and the girl. You looked so beautiful to him, in the blue dress he used to love on you the most but he couldn't look away from your face and the look of utter hurt in your eyes.

"Y/N..." He called out, throwing the girl's arm off himself, but to no avail. You darted towards the bathroom and away from him.

"Is that girl someone you know?" The blonde asked him with almost a jealous tone to her voice.

"Just...stop talking." He ground out, annoyed at her very presence, and stalked off towards the bar, downing his drink as he went.

Once there Mingi ordered another drink and two shots; he didn't want to feel what he was feeling and alcohol had become the only thing that came close to helping. Why did he feel like he'd been caught cheating on you? It was you who left him! He laughed bitterly at himself for ever thinking that if he just pretended to be fine, he eventually would be. It had been months now and the hole in his heart was still just as raw.  

"Min..." Seonghwa appeared beside him, "What are you doing?"

"Hwa, I know you're trying to help but I can't do this." Mingi said, downing the shots one after the other as  Seonghwa stood there, eyebrows raised in concern.

"You're going to have to move on at some point, Min... It looks like Y/N is." Seonghwa said gently, tilting his head in your direction.

Mingi looked to where  his friend nodded and felt anger rise up in his chest as he watched you take a purple cocktail from Johnny, laughing at something he'd just said. He couldn't stand this; just the thought of Johnny - anyone - taking his place at your side, holding you, kissing you, touching you..... No! He wouldn't even think of it. He couldn't bear to. Mingi downed his last drink and marched towards the door, leaving his friend just staring after him.

Next morning, Mingi woke up feeling sick, not knowing if it were more from the alcohol or the memories of seeing you looking happy and carefree with Johnny. As far as he could see, you didn't look close enough to be an item but who knows? The thought of you with another man still filled him with anger but you weren't his anymore. He had to get used to that.

He texted Seonghwa to apologise for running out so suddenly.

It's ok, bro, I understand why you didn't want to be there anymore. Came the reply, followed quickly by,

Oh.. and don't worry, I made sure your date had a good time ; )

Mingi laughed to himself, thankful for Hwa's easygoing nature.

                                                     ********

You sat with Suzy and Lucas at the breakfast table next morning, Lucas had stayed over and made pancakes for the three of you and you sat eating and chatting about the night before.

"Jina really went home with Jaehyun?" You asked wide-eyed. You'd thought she was sleeping in and that was why you hadn't seen her yet this morning.

"Yeah," Suzy giggled, "...She's had her eye on him for some time; I guess she must've felt brave enough to make a move last night."

"Wow, good for her, I guess." You said forking another bit of maple syrup covered pancake into your mouth.

"Jaehyun's a nice guy," Lucas added, "he'll be good to her."

You sat quietly as Suzy and her boyfriend talked together about the events of last night. The ever-present dull ache throbbed as your mind replayed the image of Mingi with the blonde girl's hands all over him. He wasn't yours anymore, you told yourself, he could see anyone he wanted to.

Your only concern now had to be trying to get through your exams and graduate and you couldn't afford to be distracted by anything else if you were going to do that. You finished up your pancake and cleared your plate into the sink, thanking Lucas for making it as you went.

"What are your plans today, Y/N?" Suzy asked.

"Oh, I think I'll just study; I'm still a little behind on my coursework and I'll have no hope of graduating if I don't get this done."

"Ok...work hard!" Suzy chirped as you wandered back into your bedroom.

You'd done it. You'd got through your exams and were graduating. It had been really hard and you'd had to keep forcing yourself to concentrate on your studies because Mingi was never far from your thoughts. It was easier being without him now than it was in those first months but the dull ache never entirely went away - always reminding you of it's presence if ever you caught a glimpse of him around campus. Jina and Suzy had done their best to pull you through it but you found yourself having to accept the reality that the pain would now always be a part of you. You ached for Mingi, to be back in his arms, but you knew he wasn't right for you. He didn't feel the same.

The actual day of graduation passed by in a blur - the calling of names and collecting of certificates had been terribly boring but you'd daydreamed your way through most of it, having to be nudged by Jina when you missed your name being called. Your parents had come along and taken you out to dinner - just like everyone else's parents so the restaurants were packed. Despite trying your best not to think about Mingi over the last few months you had decided to talk to Yunho about him briefly during class.

"Yunho?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could do me a big favour?" You ventured nervously. You were close to Yunho from sharing classes with him all throughout college but he was still Mingi's best friend so you weren't sure how this would go down with him.

"Uhh...sure. Well...depends what it is." He laughed, flashing his blindingly bright smile at you. You'd always thought he was kind of cute but now his dyed blonde hair started to grow out and his natural black peeked through he was even more good-looking.

"Could you try to find out where Mingi and his parents are planning to go for his graduation meal?" Yunho looked a little surprised so you tried to explain your request. "It's just that...I don't want to run into him because I know it will be awkward. Our parents will probably start to chat because they used to be friends when we were dating and I don't think I could deal with that."

A look of sympathy crossed Yunho's face and he reached out from his seat next to you and rubbed his had up and down your back in a reassuring manner. "Sure, Y/N. I'll do my best."

Yunho had come through so you were able to relax at dinner, knowing you wouldn't have to deal with the unwanted situation.

Although the dinner was nice and it was lovely to see your parents after a long time, you were more excited about the bigger celebration tomorrow; it was generally tradition for the graduates to go to out clubbing the day after (given that the parents wanted to celebrate on the day itself) but the next night you could really unwind and enjoy yourselves. You were a bit sad because the end of college meant your best friends would be moving on with their lives but you were trying to see it as an opportunity yourself - you felt like this city was your home so you wouldn't physically be moving but, metaphorically, you could move on from this last painful period of your life.

The next morning you saw your parents and wished them a good journey home; they had moved since you started college so they were further away than they used to be and didn't want to make the drive home late at night. They stayed in a hotel overnight and you met them for breakfast before seeing them off but once they were gone you started to get excited about the evening to come. You, Jina and Suzy had made reservations at a salon to have manicures and pedicures, and get your make up done; partly because you wanted a treat but also to spend the day being pampered with your two best friends before you wouldn't have them in your life so much anymore. You also went to get your hair done - nothing drastic, just a trim and professional blow dry - you wanted to look great tonight and you'd never felt you were any good at doing your own hair. A new dress and heels and you were ready.

The chosen club was the favourite one for the students to visit, it played the best music and didn't charge a fortune for drinks - best of all though, it had a 2-for-1 offer on cocktails and shots, knowing all the students would flock there for their post-graduation celebration. As you walked in you felt amazing, your dress was a black, sparkly material, fitted in all the right places and shorter than you normally went for. You matched it with strappy, black stilettos with a glitter heel and subtle silver jewellery. It wasn't just your look that made you feel amazing, you just felt better than you had in a long time; maybe it was optimism for a fresh start.

As the night wore on, the drinks kept flowing and you were well on your way to being drunk and having a great time with your own group of revellers. You, Jina and Suzy were there with Lucas and his usual friends but he'd also brought along some others from his course who you'd never met before. You'd normally be shy around new people and keep to yourself but the alcohol and excited atmosphere made you braver and you were all happily dancing together. There was one guy in particular who seemed to have taken a liking to you and was dancing very close, trying to grind on you; you were happy to dance with him but politely tried to keep a distance between you. After a while he was getting a bit too handsy so you excused yourself to go get a water from the bar. It was there that you spotted the one person you had hoped not to see and he was heading in your direction right now. As he approached you noticed he had cut his black hair slightly shorter than before and had a fringe. A lot of students chose to dye their hair bright colours but you loved Mingi's naturally black hair - with that and his beautiful dark eyes and plump pink lips, you'd always thought he looked stunning.  Just to make it harder for you he had worn a dark blue shirt with the first two buttons undone so you could see the thin silver chain he wore draped across his well defined collarbones and it made your heart beat a little faster.

"Y/N, can we talk?"

You looked up at Mingi, wishing all the feelings you had been trying to supress for the last few months weren't trying to claw their way to the surface.

"I don't think that's a good idea." You said, looking away from him, still waiting for your turn to get served.

"Oh, but dancing provocatively with your arse in some dude's crotch is a good idea to you?"

You snapped your head up and stared at him in shock. Was he really doing this?

"What has it got to do with you if I do, Mingi?" You were starting to get angry, he can't just decide to start caring now after taking you for granted for so long.

"Maybe I just don't like seeing some other guy with his hands all over my girlfriend." He said, raising his already naturally loud voice a little, making the few people in earshot look round curiously.  

"Except I'm not your girlfriend, am I?" You spat at him and the look of hurt that flashed over his features sent a pain through your heart - or was it really the fact that you weren't his that was hurting you?.

"Y/N...please." He looked like a hurt puppy and your resolve wavered - only for a moment, though, because you remembered the blonde at the bar and anger rose up in your chest again.

"You think can go out and date random girls with Seonghwa but get to tell me who I can and can't dance with?"

"What? That stupid girl from the bar? I just went on that date to stop Hwa bugging me about it and I left just after I saw you there. I never wanted her - I only want you!" The look Mingi gave you was so earnest you wanted to believe him but the truth was he had hurt you so much.

The bartender came then to take your order. You should've just asked for the water you came for but the dull ache you had come to live with was turning into a sharp, tearing pain again.

"Two shots of tequila, please." Mingi waited silently beside you while you got your drinks and paid. When you were done he grabbed your arm, trying to stop you from leaving.

"Y/N... Please give me another chance." He looked so broken but you couldn't go back to him, back to being neglected and ignored.

You downed both shots and put the glasses back on the bar. Steeling yourself against the pained look he was giving you, you turned and looked up into the face of the man you knew, deep down, you still loved but were still too angry at.

"No, Mingi. I can't."

You walked back to the dance floor, knowing full well what you were doing was petty, and started dancing with that same guy whose name you didn't even know. This time you did dance provocatively and you let him grind against you. You knew Mingi was watching you, you could see him looking over at you while he drank with his seven friends. It was a bad idea, you knew that but you wanted Mingi to know that he didn't own you. You were his once but he ruined it.

You were having a lot of fun but eventually you started to feel the alcohol catching up to you as your movements became less co-ordinated. It was pretty late anyway so you told Suzy and Jina you were calling it a night.

"Do you want us to come with you?" Jina asked but you knew they were still a long way off from being done.

"I'll be fine; there are still lots of people on the streets and I won't go through any secluded areas." You promised.

Hugs were exchanged and you stumbled you way through the mass of clubbers to get to the door. Outside you stopped a little way from the club and enjoyed the feeling of the cool night air on your hot skin.

"Hey." You turned in the direction of the male voice to find the guy you had been dancing with had followed you out of the club.

"Oh. Hi." You said uneasily, hoping he didn't want what you thought he might.

"So I thought we could go back to my place and have a little more fun, yeah?" He took a few steps closer to you with a look in his eyes that made you uncomfortable.

"I'd really rather go home alone, thank you." You said as confidently as you could despite feeling anxious, hoping he would accept your refusal and leave you alone.  

He closed the distance running his hand down your arm and closing his hand around your wrist. "You see...I don't really think it's fair for you to tease me all night like that and then not give me a little something." You swallowed nervously, looking around and trying to think of how to get out of this awful situation.

"Don't you agree?" He added a little menacingly, leaning in closer to you.

The male tightened his grip on your wrist and started to pull you in the direction of a nearby side street; it was dark with no one down there and panic started to rise up in your chest, causing it to tighten horribly.

If you were able to think rationally you would have screamed to alert the other people on the streets that something was wrong but the fear had gripped you and all you could manage was a futile attempt at breaking free of this man's hold. He wasn't huge but you were still small compared to him, in height and build and his grip was firm.

As he pulled you, stumbling because of your stilettos and the alcohol, into the side street you managed to find your voice and, as loudly as you could muster with the fear still constricting your throat, you tried to shout, "Let me go! I don't want this!"

The man didn't listen to you, he simply stopped some way down the dark street and pushed your back up against the wall, holding you in place.

"Get your hands off her NOW!" His voice was low and full of anger but it was so beautiful to you in this moment.

"Get lost. She's mine tonight." The man said not even looking in the direction of the intruder but still looking directly at you with a nasty smile on his face.

All of a sudden he was yanked back away from you; he still had one of his hands on your wrist and pulled you over as he flew back.

"Are you ok?" Mingi asked, scanning your face. His voice held none of the anger it had a moment ago as he spoke gently to you. You let Mingi pull you up and steady you on your feet, feeling just a slight pain in your knee as it had been grazed by the fall.

"What's your problem, dude? I'm just trying to have a little fun."

The anger flashed over Mingi's face again as he straightened up and turned to the man and before you knew it he punched him hard in the face, the man stumbling and falling to the ground. Mingi turned back to you and gently said, "Let's go." and you could see he was doing his very best to hold in his fury. It already made him angry to think of another man touching you but to do so without your consent - and to hurt you, as well - took him beyond angry.

"She's just a tease anyway. If she's gonna act like a whore, she'll get treated like one." The man angrily called out after your retreating backs but Mingi couldn't let that pass, he wanted this scum to be sorry he ever touched you. He let you go and strode back to the man who was still sitting on the pavement, he grabbed his collar roughly in his left hand and started raining punches down on him. You stumbled your way over the uneven paving stones to try to calm him before he did any real damage but Mingi was in a rage; the man now lying on the ground having his face pounded by both of Mingi's large fists as he straddled his body.

"Mingi, please!" You cried out, worried someone would see this. The man was scum and didn't deserve any better given what he would've done to you but you didn't want Mingi getting into trouble because of his temper.

"MINGI, STOP!" He finally stopped, breathing hard and looked down at the bloody man under him. He was nowhere near calm but he let you lead him away.

You walked mostly silent back to your dorm, holding Mingi's arm for support with just the occasional query from him as to how you felt and if you were hurt, to which you tried to reassure him that you were fine now and it was just a graze. At your dorm you invited Mingi inside, partly because you didn't want him going off still so angry and partly to clean him up - his knuckles were cut and bloody and, at some point, the man must've got at least one punch in as you could see a fresh cut on Mingi's lip.

You sat Mingi on the couch as you prepared some water, cotton wool and antiseptic spray to treat his wounds. As he sat there with his head in his hands you could see the amount of anger still bubbling inside him.

"Mingi, I'm ok. Really." You said gently, startling him as he hadn't heard your approach.

"I'm not." He said simply. "I wanted to kill that guy for what he was trying to do to you."

Not knowing what to say to that you simply took one of Mingi's big hands in yours and started to clean the blood off his knuckles before gently drying them and spraying a little antiseptic over the cut skin. You laughed lightly when he hissed at the sting of it.

"So you can take the pain of repeatedly punching a man in the face until your knuckles bleed but you can't deal with a little stinging?"

Mingi smiled but it didn't reach his eyes, "You've calmed me down a bit now. The anger overtook me so much back there, I guess I didn't feel the pain."

You didn't reply, just moved quietly on to his other hand, cleaning it as he sat on the couch with his eyes closed and his head laid back. You smiled to yourself when he fussed about the antiseptic again.

Mingi looked up when you gently started to dab at the cut on his lip with wet cotton wool. While you were concentrating on cleaning off the blood, you could see that Mingi was staring intently at your face. A couple of times you looked up at him from you position next to him - kneeling on the couch but sitting back on your feet - and each time your eyes met you could see something blazing in his beautiful, dark eyes. It was definitely affection but you didn't know if it was love; that was something you had been sure he didn't have for you anymore. You looked closer at Mingi, looked into those intense, dark eyes that you loved so much and thought that maybe he did still love you.

Although, you knew it was a bad idea, you slowly leaned up and gently kissed the corner of his lip where he was cut. "Thank you for saving me." you added softly.

Mingi looked at you for a few seconds before grabbing your face with his large hands and pulling you in for a kiss; asking for entry with his tongue as he licked across your bottom lip. You knew it was wrong but you gave in and melted into it, kissing him back eagerly. You'd never been able to let go of your feelings for Mingi, even though you'd tried to bury them and, in your still slightly drunken state you didn't have the strength to deny him.

Mingi placed his hands firmly around your waist and pulled you onto his lap so you were straddling him, your short, black dress riding further up so the only barrier between you and the growing bulge in his trousers was your delicate underwear. He left your lips and kissed along your jawline, moving to your neck, pulling a gasp from you as he sucked hard against your soft skin. You couldn't help yourself and started grinding your core against him, feeling the bulge grow harder still underneath you. Mingi grabbed a hold of your dress and pulled it over your head in one fluid motion, almost growling as he took in the sight of you in your matching black lace bra and brazillian panties.

"I've missed you so much, Y/N. You have no idea how much I want you right now." His rough voice was deeper than you'd ever heard it and it sent shivers down your spine, the excitement making your core clench instinctively and wetness start to pool. As you moaned his name, Mingi unclasped your bra and tossed it to the floor, immediately latching his mouth onto one of your hard nipples while his large hand caressed the other breast before pulling harshly at your delicate nub with his thumb and forefinger. You let out a loud moan and ground down harder against his clothed erection wanting to feel more friction on your heated core and Mingi, knowing what you wanted so well by now, lifted you slightly and slipped his hand under the waistband of your panties and entered your warm, wet hole with his long fingers, reaching deeper than you ever could yourself.

The only thing you could hear was your own moans of pleasure and the wet sound of Mingi's fingers fucking in and out of you harshly. Suddenly Mingi lifted you into his strong arms and carried you into your bedroom, while you kissed down his neck, taking in the familiar scent of his cologne. He laid you on the bed and slid your panties off you, groaning as he took in the sight of your bare, wet pussy. Mingi crawled between you legs, firmly grabbing one in each hand and spread them further apart. Slowly he placed wet kisses along your inner thighs but gradually something more animalistic came over him and he started to mark you, biting and sucking hard and making bruises start to appear almost instantly. He ran his mouth all the way up from your soft inner thighs to the delicate skin between your thighs and your aching pussy and, finally, pulling you closer to him roughly he marked his way over your hips. He was like an animal that had fought and won for his mate and you loved that he was now marking you as his own before he took you as his own, too.

Marking complete, Mingi dove between your legs and licked all the way up your smooth, wet folds. You moaned out loud in pleasure as he finally slipped his tongue between them and straight into your tight hole, lapping up your juices and moaning against you.

"You taste so sweet, Baby. You don't know how badly I've wanted this." The vibration of his deep voice quickly drove you to the edge and when Mingi moved his mouth up to suck hard on your swollen clit you thought you were going to explode right then. Mingi shoved two of his long fingers back inside your entrance, which was now soaking with both your own wetness and his saliva, curling them up to hit your sweet spot and you couldn't contain it any longer. Intense pleasure flooded over you as Mingi continued to suck and lick sloppily at your clit while pumping his long fingers into you at a maddening pace, forcing your release to continue on for longer and longer. As you finally started to come down from the high, your body shuddered at the overwhelming sensitivity and you had to gently push Mingi's head away from your abused clit.

"Did you enjoy that, Angel?" He growled out lowly, "I've missed having my tongue inside you so much."

"But I'll bet you've missed my tongue on your cock so much more." You teased, blinking up at him through your lashes. Mingi always loved when you looked innocent but said the dirtiest things. He quickly undressed, stripping everything off entirely and you felt a thrill of excitement as you took in the sight of his hard dick standing against his lower stomach, pre-cum glistening on the tip.

"Let me take care of you, Mingi." You purred as you took his hands and pulled him down to lay on your bed. You crawled between his legs and gave him a long, sultry look as you lowered your head and kissed his wet tip. Mingi groaned at the sight of his pre-cum staining your lips and grabbed the back of your head, pulling it down, desperate to feel those soft lips around his cock. You happily obliged, wrapping your wet lips around the head and licking at the sensitive spot just under the rim. You felt his dick twitch in response but pulled away, only to lick all the way up the underside and finish with a flick against the rim again.  

"Oh God...please!" Mingi was never good at being teased, always desperate to be inside you already so you gave him exactly what he wanted and, in one smooth motion, took his entire length in your mouth.

"Oh...fuck!" Mingi's cries of pleasure filled the air as you bobbed your head up and down, dragging your mouth almost all the way up to the tip only to slide right back down until he was hitting the back of your throat.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" The sounds of you gagging on his cock were the most beautiful to Mingi and you knew how much he loved it so you deep-throated him as best you could, which wasn't easy given how big he was. You pulled away for air when you felt him start to twitch more, knowing he was close and you crawled up to straddle him, rubbing your bare heat against his throbbing member.

"Mingi, I want you inside me." You whispered in his ear as you bit on his earlobe then moved down to bite and suck on his neck, leaving marks of your own.

He groaned in frustration, "Baby, I don't have any protection on me. I didn't expect this to happen."

You didn't have anything either, having not been with anyone since him but drunken desire took over you, drowning out the tiny sober voice in the back of your head which told you this was an incredibly stupid idea.

"Mingi! I need you. Please fuck me."

Being somewhat impaired himself, Mingi didn't have the willpower to resist, he flipped you over and held himself above you with one hand beside your head and the other stroking his hard dick. He positioned himself at your entrance and stroked his tip up and down your wet slit to lubricate himself before slowly sliding in to you. The feeling of sheer pleasure overwhelmed you as you felt his thick cock stretching your walls to accommodate it and you clenched around him instinctively.

"Shit...I forgot how tight you are." He breathed out as he pushed all the way in as far as he could.

"And I forgot... aaahhh...how big and thick you are...." you cried out as Mingi hit your G-spot perfectly. He had always been big - and perhaps it was just because you'd missed him being inside you so much - but right now he felt huge and you wondered how on Earth he was fitting in your tight little hole.

Mingi leaned down and kissed you deeply, never stopping his hard, deep thrusts. His soft lips moved down to your neck leaving wet kisses down your hot skin until he reached your collarbone and resumed marking you.

"God, I love your tight cunt." He growled out between kisses as he continued to thrust hard and fast. The feeling of Mingi's big, hard cock sliding in and out of your aching core was more than you could bear and the intensity of it overtook all your senses until you couldn't feel anything else but him.

"This sweet little cunt belongs to me." He said as he continued to fuck you roughly. "Tell me you haven't let anyone else touch you. Tell me you're still mine." Mingi's voice was a mix of possessive and desperate as he begged you for reassurance.

"Mingi..." you panted out as he continued to rock his hips against yours, "There was never anyone else but you."

"Tell me you're mine." He demanded, his deep, powerful voice forcing you into submission.

"I'm yours, Mingi. I'm all yours." A tiny part of you knew this was all a bad idea but it felt so right. Mingi being inside you made you feel complete and, for once, you couldn't feel that dull ache in your chest anymore.

Mingi could feel you clenching around him and, knowing you were getting close again, he reached down between your boddies and began to circle your still very sensitive clit while whispering praises to you.

"That's it, beautiful girl, cum for me again." He let out a deep groan as he felt your walls convulse around him and your warm, wetness release all over his thick cock.

Chasing his own high, Mingi lifted your legs to rest over his shoulders so he could reach deeper inside you and his thrusts got harder but sloppier as he came ever closer to orgasm.

"Baby, you feel like Heaven...I wanna fill you up so badly." He was so close now and you desperately wanted him do it.

"Mingi, cum for me. Fill me up. Make me yours, Mingi." It was all he needed to hear and with a couple more thrusts he released deep inside you, filling you up with his hot, thick cum.

Mingi remained inside you as you both breathed heavily, coming down from your highs, before pulling out and laying beside you on the bed. He pulled you into his arms and, as you were succumbing to sleep, you could hear him murmuring,

"You're mine, Angel. You'll always be mine."

                                                    ********

As you woke to the sun's rays filtering through your window, you had a mixture of thoughts running through your mind as the memories of last night came flooding back. Mingi was laying next to you, still with an arm wrapped around you and he roused as he felt you moving to sit up.

"Good morning, Baby."

You smiled at him but it didn't reach your eyes. You were so confused; what happened last night had felt so right but now you were entirely sober and could think about it clearly, you were scared. Mingi had hurt you before and it had taken so much to get over it that you were scared to let it happen again.

"Y/N, what's up?" He could see by your expression that something was wrong but didn't know where your thoughts were taking you.

"Mingi...What happened last night. It shouldn't have."

"What are you talking about?" He asked, confused.

"We can't be together. You hurt me before, I can't go back to that - I can't go through that again."

"Baby, you're mine." He said desperately, "You said you were mine." In his eyes you could see tears forming, shaking your resolve. You couldn't bear to see him like that so you looked down at your hands which were in your lap, playing with your fingers anxiously.

"I can't be yours anymore, Mingi. Last night...we were both drunk." You said it gently, willing him to understand.

"I may have been a little drunk but I know it wasn't a mistake. I love you, Y/N."

"I'm sorry, Mingi. Please...just go." The words sounded wrong in your ears but you were so scared of being hurt again.

"Don't do this to me again. I can't be without you, Baby." His deep voice sounded so desperate but you couldn't look at him, couldn't afford to let him change your mind.

"I'm so sorry." Despite the tears falling, the finality in your tone told him that you meant it. You felt the bed move as he got up and heard the rustle of his clothes as he picked them up and silently dressed. You held in your sobs until you had heard the front door close, knowing if he heard how broken you were he would come back. Once you were all alone you let all the pain debilitate you and sobbed into the pillow which smelled so much of the man you still loved.

                                                      ********

Mingi POV

Hongjoong and Yunho looked up as their other roomate walked in the door looking disheveled.

"Hey! Where did you go last night? You suddenly disappeared." The shorter of the two asked.

They watched as Mingi silently walked to the kitchen side and picked up the half-drunk bottle of bourbon sitting there. Unscrewing the cap and tossing it onto the side, he took a long swig. He hissed slightly as the alcohol stung the cut on his lip, causing some of the brown liquid to drip down onto his shirt.

As your ex-boyfriend walked towards his room, the bourbon bottle gripped tight in his hand, his two best friends really took in the state of him - cuts all over his knuckles, a cut on his lip which was starting to bruise.

"Mingi, what the hell happened to you?" Yunho called out, alarmed.

"Just....leave me alone."

[megastarstriker]

{𝐀𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫}

      ~Nikki Sixx x reader~

======================

★Prologue★

“Pilot: When L.A. Burns”

Part 2

====================================

< Prologue (Part 1)

Warnings: Cussing, suggestive jokes, slight angst and mention of violence

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Nikki Sixx x Female Reader

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩:

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: When her step-brother and ex-roommate ,Casey Jensen(Cage), decides to leave home to go to L.A. and form a band. Although hesitant, she decides to take his invitation to go with him to escape her alone and pain-in the-ass life behind. Looking back as she leaves, she wonders if she made the right decision or if she should go back.( I don’t own Mötley Crüe or the actors used in this story, I only own the plot and the band characters I made up. This book and maybe for the entirety of it, will be based off and detailed from the books the Dirt and the Heroin Diaries. Some lines are used from the movie the Dirt, all of these books or movie lines that I mentioned that I will use for the story belong to their creators.)

Taglist: @leatherandheels @xxqueencolourxx @suranne-doesstuff @littlemisscare-all , @niksixx, @nikkisiexx, @nikki-fucking-sixx @prettyyoungandbored @matchaandhoney @savannahgrace98, @metalheartofgold, @dustnbones , @sikinikx, @seventieshead-modernlover, @tbonelee, @mrsixx, @queen-crue, @mikaiya1313, @ginny-rose-sixx, @bus-jackson​,

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANNA BE TAGGED TO THIS STORY WITH AN ASK MESSAGE 💕

𝙆𝙚𝙮𝙨:

(Y/N) - Your Name

(L/N) - Last Name

(N/N) - Nickname

(S/C) - Skin Color

(E/C) - Eye Color

(H/C) - Hair Color

(H/L) - Hair Length

(F/S) - Favorite Shirt

(F/F) - Favorite Food

(F/D) - Favorite Drink

(L/C) - Lipstick Color

(F/A) - Favorite Animal

Characters:

BEN HARDY as CASEY CAGE

MÖTLEY CRÜE as THEMSELVES

WILLIAM FICHTNER as ROBERT JENSEN

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1978, L.A. - Whiskey -a- Go Go, Backstage. 

“You’re out of the band”, The man said simply as he was holding a cigarette to his lips as he looked at a young man with messy blonde hair and deep blue eyes. Holding the guitar in his hand, he gripped tightly as he looked at the guy who gave him the news as he stood there, still smoking his cigarette,” You’re obviously not cut out for this. Too slow and too much of a waste if we kept you.”

Casey stood there with a shocked, yet pissed look at the man as the sharp and hurting words reached his ears. He turned his attention to the other members who didn’t speak up or anything and simply just minded their own business.” So this is how it is then.”, Casey said as he looked down, trying so hard not to punch the asshole that took him off the band he formed,” Alright. I see. If you’re gonna seriously take someone of the band it should be yourself you fucking asshole.”

“We don’t need you anymore. We already found another guitarist.”

“Look if you’re gonna whine like a baby. Do it outside.”, The other man, with brunette hair and who was next to the guy said in a pissed manner as he approached him. Holding his hands out as he shoved and pushed him away in a rude manner.,” Back off.”

Casey took this as offense and punched him in the center of his face. When this occurred the brunette and him started to fight each other punch after punch and kick after kick, as the others were alerted immediately and tried to get them from each others claws and from killing each other.

As they separated the brunette from the blonde on the floor, Casey’s lip had a tear, that started drip with blood and the side of his eye had an ugly bruise, but it wasn’t any prettier for the guy standing above him who was being restrained by two other men.  His nose was busted, and blood was slowly trailing from underneath it towards his lips as it reached down his chin, in a brutal manner. 

Casey then stood up from the ground, slightly wincing in pain as he held his side, looking at the men with a furious gaze. If looks could kill those men would be dead in the most gruesome way possible, like a tiger ripping a part its prey. “ What the fuck is wrong with you?!”, one of the members shouted at him.

He stood up as he tried his best to not limp, looking at the members, his brows still furrowed at them as he looked at his bruised knuckles.” I’ll tell you what’s fucking wrong. I quit!! ”

He then took the strap of his guitar and swung it to the wall, smashing and breaking it in half. He then threw the broken neck of the guitar that was still in his hands and threw it above the group.

“So Fuck you and go to hell with you all!!”

“Because you’ve just lost yourself a musician who can actually play unlike the rest of you cunts.”

He then looked at the lead singer who was behind the guy with the broken nose.

“Just so were clear....”

He then took a glass cup with a few drops of whiskey and threw it at the guy a few inches away from him. Smashing at the wall behind him with a clear shatter.

“Your singing sucks balls!”

He then exited the room before taking the bottle of Jack Daniels with him and leaved the area outside. It was cold and dark, neon lights illuminating the streets, with crowds of people in every corner in the Sunset Strip. There was many people around him doing a load of crazy sort of things. Whether it was smoking, doing drugs, drinking, or having sex it didn’t matter. He was now busy in trying to figure out how to tell (Y/N) about the fact that he was out of the band. 

“Shit, I seriously fucked up now. Didn’t I?”, He said under his breath as the wind flew past him, brushing few of his messy strands to the side of his face.,” Fuck!”

He grabbed at his hair in frustration as he cursed at himself. He thought about how you would feel about all of this. If she would be angry or sad? or worse? He was supposed to be the responsible sibling and friend. Yet, here he was messing everything up for the both of you. Ever since that day... when they both made that deal. He promised himself and mainly to her, he would try his best to make a living together, and never break it. He didn’t want her to leave back to they’re parents. They were bad people. He knew it and he knows she knew it too. But she was very sympathetic, always ignoring the bad and trying to change it for the good. That’s how she managed to even befriend him. 

Thinking about you now that the show was finished, Casey then decided to enter the bar once again as he finished getting his stuff packed. Not wasting, anytime he finished the beer he took from the backstage and threw it on the ground, disposing of it. He knew you were waiting in there, as he saw you watching the gig at a distance swaying a bit to the music. So that’s what he did, he went inside the bar and just like that....

 ════  ════ ⋆★⋆ ════ ════

“Get the hell off of me!”, I yelled at the guy who was obviously shitfaced from too many drinks. I tried my best to be polite to the guy and told him I wasn’t interested, but he wasn’t having any of it apparently. So here I was in the most horrible situation any girl could ever be in.” Let me go, Damnit!”

I said as I repeatedly slapped his gripping hand from mine, only to figure out it only made him grip it much tighter. Knowing it wasn’t working I took the opportunity and used the heel on my boot and with whatever force I could muster brought it down to his foot and squished it.

“You Little Bitch!”, The man shouted in a groan filled with pain from the impact on his foot I gave him. In one swift movement he slapped me with his free hand, causing me to stumble and fall on the floor as I held my burning cheek that stung, making me wince by just touching it. “Now you’re really gonna get it.”, He said in a menacing tone as he stood above and towered over me, making me feel cornered with no way out. I ,of course, started to panic and without thinking I quickly kicked him in the groin. Causing him to bend down and grab it in pain, I tried scooting myself away from him and try to stand up. But as soon as I did, the guy just grabbed me by my neck and propped me against the wall. Alarmed and extremely anxious, I started to breath heavily as tears started to brink at my eyes. I tried clawing at his hand that was gripping slowly at my neck. “P-please stop!”, I said loudly and a bit out of breath from the pressure at my throat. 

“Listen here. You can cry and shout all you want girly, but no ones gonna hear ya. Got it.”, He whispered lowly and uncomfortably next to my ear, causing me to gag at the strong smell of booze coming from him,” So why don’t you be good girl and shut that pretty mouth of yours.”

 “The hell’s going on here?”, A voice said from nearby, from a slight glimpse I could see a young lean and tallish man with long, brown and slightly curly hair, wearing a leather jacket over a plain white t-shirt with leopard printed pants that looked a bit small on him. The guy had this look of suspicion, but then changed as he saw what really was going on. “Hey! Back off you’re hurting her!”, the guy said.

But the man didn’t do anything I looked at the young brown-haired guy with a pleading look as tears stained my reddish cheeks. “ I said let her go you jackass!”

Suddenly, as if a miracle just happened I caught a glimpse of blonde hair rushing behind the drunk man who was gripping my neck harshly, and felt his weight pressed against me disappear as he was pulled and ripped away from me. I then fell on the floor as his hand lost its grip and coughed a bit violently as I breathed the air heavily. I then noticed someone else punching one of the men who assaulted me, along with the blonde guy who had the shitfaced guy pressed up against the wall.

Casey...

“Is that how you treat a chick you fucking asshole”, Casey sneered at the guy as he kicked the guy on his side. The guy that was being brutally kicked and punched by him shuffled away from him as Casey panted.

Slowly, I started having a panic attack as tears started to drip from my eyes,  I then felt two hands grip my shoulders softly, and as I traced them they belonged to the guy who tried helping me. My (E/C) irises locked with soft hazel ones as they traced my terrified and teary eyed ones in concern. He then put his hands on my face gently and gingerly, causing me to flinch at the contact, not only because it was from a complete stranger, but because of the bruise I had that lingered on my cheek.

“H-Hey, are you okay.”, He asked me as he looked at my face, a bit out of breath as he scanned my face to look for any injuries. He then noticed me wince as he made little pressure with his soft hands on my cheek. He then left his hands of my face as he held them up slightly in defense and mumbled a little ‘sorry’ that sounded genuine and quite sheepish. “ I just want to make sure you’re okay, Dude. I’m not gonna hurt you like that shit-faced guy did, Okay.” 

I nodded silently and whispered an ‘okay’ completely trusting him as I was still quite traumatized and panicked with what just happened. I then saw Casey from the corner of my eyes as he looked at me. His baby blue eyes that were fused with rage and anger turning into concern and worrisome as he rushed over towards me before turning to the other guy. 

“Are you another one of those assholes!”, He shouted at him as he raised his fist up his whole body leaning over his sitting figure.

“Woah, Chill man! I didn’t try to do anything to her I swear, Dude.”, He replied as he held his hands up slightly to tell him that he wasn’t part of the almost sex assault that just happened,” I just saw the chick getting strangled by the guy and sort of kicked his ass for it, but that’s it!”

Casey then as he still held his fist to the guy, turned his eyes to me for confirmation and I slowly nodded a ‘yes’ towards him. He then lowered his fist and backed away slowly from my ‘savior’. Casey then went to my side and reached over to look at my face and noticed the marks on my neck and cheek,” That fucker.” he muttered harshly under his breath with furrowed brows as he gulped slowly at the lump in his throat.

“Thank you”, I told the guy as he looked between me and Casey.

“Its cool, someone had to step in to teach those men a lesson, and with the many punches we gave to those dickhead’s....”, He replied as he made a punching motion as if he were boxing in a comedic manner, ”They’ll never wanna come back now and mess with us.”

I laughed a bit with a wince as he did that.” You’re not a boxer.”

“Whose to say that? You never know what’s under these fucking fists.” He replied with a grin as he held his fist up in a fighting stance.

I chuckled again at his goofy manner as he joined in along with my brother who was trying so hard to keep a bold hard face, but couldn’t from how ridiculous the guy was being and so he joined in the laughter.

“Name’s Tommy Bass, but my friend’s call me Tommy”, the guy said as he held his hand out in a greeting and friendly fashion.

“(Y/N)”, I answered as I held his hand shaking it softly. The guy named Tommy seemed very enthusiastic and excited in his own childish but cute way. 

He then looked to my brother over my shoulder while he was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, sitting next to me in the ground.” Casey Cage, but Casey is just fine.”, Casey simply said followed with a sigh.

“Rad name. You were also pretty fucking hardcore, by the way when you kicked that guy in the nuts, you really showed him.”, Tommy complimented with a happy smile as he then went to fumble something on his pocket and took it out to reveal a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. My brother in return just shrug his shoulders, like he didn’t really care whether he thought it was cool or not, but the smile on his face proved he was kind of happy to hear it.,

We all talked for a few hours making me feel more calm and relaxed and a whole lot stressed from what just happened a few moments ago.

“ Look I know we just got out of some messed up shit, but I was thinking maybe we could all go down to the diner down the street and hang out there. It’ll cool things down, lighten the mood Y’know. They’ve got some killer pancakes too. That’s if you dudes are cool with it.”

I laughed softly at Tommy’s adorable behavior, and thought about what he said for a moment. To be honest, it was a great idea. The last thing I wanted to think about was getting almost raped and my virginity away by those bastards. It’ll calm me down from my anxious and shocked state. Besides, Casey being there it will make me feel safer. His suggestion was all for good intentions too and he did save my life it was the least I could do. Plus, he seemed pretty friendly, and I want to get to know him better. After all, he did just comfort me and beat the guy’s ass and teeth off.” Well, I am kind of hungry and I think you are pretty cool. Sure. Lead the way.”

“Okay then, Let’s go.”, Tommy cheered as he stood up and took the cigarette out of his mouth for a moment, letting the smoke leave his rosy lips, before putting it back on his mouth, giving me a tight-lipped smile that adorned his face very nicely, the sense of its comfort making me smile as well.

Casey gave me and Tommy a face that read “seriously” to us both, as he raised an eyebrow.

“What?”, Tommy and I said in unison as we looked at him in confusion, as we started to walk away from the cramped and dark alleyway, that had barely any light.

                     “Nothing.”, Casey replied as he shook his head in disbelief as he uncrossed his arms, letting them fall gently at his side, as he let his back scoot away from the wall and walked towards us, dusting his pants of as he did. Following Tommy,  we walked side by side all three of us on the sidewalk of the street.

A few moments passed and it was somewhat quite. Awfully quiet. I thought of asking Casey about his broken lip and his bruised eye, but I somehow decided against it. I knew it couldn’t have been from the fight, being that he didn’t get punched rather he was the one who attacked first.’ Did something happen to him while he was backstage?’ I thought  as I pondered a bit over that fact. I knew he was perfectly fine with defending himself and standing strong, being that he did just punched that bastard and he has been in many fight in the past. But as his closest friend and only sibling, I couldn’t help but feel a bit worried about him. Sure he was sometimes a jerk and all, he sometimes got himself into trouble, but still...

“So, what kind of music do you like?”, Tommy asked breaking me from my thoughts and the ice that was growing between us as we walked quietly,  his bright eyes met mine,” Rock ‘N’ Roll?”

“Yeah, we listen to rock n roll. Both of us.”, I answered with a sweet smile as I gestured to Casey who was walking silently beside us both, his shoes grazing the pavement beneath him with each step, limping slightly as he did.

“Really?! Sick!”, He replied as he held a rock sign on his hand with a joyful grin on his lips, ”What bands do you listen to?”

“We listen to AC/DC, Kiss, Queen, Black Sabbath, The Rolling Stones, and a whole lot more than I can count.”, I laughed a bit as I listed.

“Nice, What’s your favorite. Mine’s is KISS, their music is fucking fire.”, He said in a almost awed manner as he talked about them.

“Well, I think every band has their own charm and flaw that makes them unique and a favorite to everyone. But since you asked, I love AC/DC.”

“Not Bad, babes. I think their pretty sweet too.”, He said as he glanced out at me through the corner of his eye, as he smoked his cigarette.

As we were approaching the diner up ahead, a few drops of what appear to be rain came to fall from the late midnight sky, wetting my jacket a bit. Tommy and Casey noticed it too as they felt the raindrops that turned into almost pouring water to fall on their dry heads.

“Last one to the diner is an old chicken!”, Tommy yelled as he ran his fast legs carrying him to the diner. His hair flying behind him as he ran like crazy as if his life depended on it.

“No fair! You got a head start.”, I yelled as I laughed a bit, running behind Tommy, as Casey started to run beside me, the rain pouring down to the grown and underneath our feet each second.

“Slowpoke!”, He yelled back as he kept running at a fast pace, reaching the diner’s doors. He held his arms wide in the air, as he released two rock signs on both of his hands.

I then stopped running as I stood in front of Tommy, Casey right beside me, holding his mouth as he tried not to laugh at my tired expression.

“Finally, for a second I thought you were gonna be last!”, Tommy laughed out as he held the door to the diner.

“What is that suppose to mean?”, I asked in a sassy remark with my arms crossed as I furrowed my brows.

“Ooh, Cocky are we?”, He replied as he held the door for me with a grin,” Ladies first.”

“Asshole”, I muttered lowly but a bit louder enough so he can hear me, as I tried to suppress a growing grin on my face.

Looking at inside the diner, it was pretty much packed with a lot of people in different booths. Luckily there was an empty one from between a couple of ones that were full. We took a seat on the empty booth, Casey went on the front, inside as I followed and entered on the edge of the seat, Tommy sitting across from us both and waited until the waitress came to take our order.

The place was loud and filled with chattering as the people around us talked, the only ones quiet and waiting patiently was us. Tommy was impatiently tapping his foot on the ground like a little kid waiting for the school bell to ring for the end of school, while Casey with a bored look took a napkin from the tabletop napkin holder, rolled it up a bit. As he held his nose with one hand, leaning his head back, and with the other placed the rolled up napkin inside, as hints of blood started to drip from underneath his bruised nose.

“Damn, that nose looks seriously fucked up. Did you get into a fight with someone?”, Tommy asked directly at Casey as he looked at my brother’s wound on his lip, nose, and on the side of his eye, hissing at the sight. Casey simply turned his head away as he dabbed the napkin into his lip holding it in place to stop the bleeding, ignoring his comment as he simply didn’t want to talk about it, avoiding his question. Tommy took this as away to not lead that conversation forward and simply dismiss it, as he leaned his upper half body on the table, both of his arms standing and laying on it for support as he scratched his head, while his head was turned away to look at something else.

Then as if it were a miracle, the waitress came and stood before us. Tommy instantaneously sat up as he looked at the young attractive waitress that was holding a small notepad and pen in her hand. “May I take your order?”

“I’ll have Blueberry Pancakes, please and maybe something a little extra...”, He replied to the waitress as he flirted with her. Getting the message, the waitress simply rolled her eyes at him and looked towards the both of us, awaiting our order so she can write it down. 

“Umm..”, I tried to think as I looked at the menu that was placed in front of me,” a (F/F) and (F/D) would be nice.”

Then the lady looked towards my brother, in which in return he stared at her, while she tapped her foot at the outside corner of the table.

 “I’ll have a Jack-”Casey managed to say, before I stomped his foot that was next to mine from underneath the table, not letting him finish his sentence at all. 

“A coke, please.”, I replied sweetly as I turned to Casey, who was pissed at me for not letting him speak to the lady and order what he really wanted.

The lady then nodded to us as she then flipped the page on her notepad and wrote, what I assumed was our orders.

“Your order will be out shortly.”, She said as she placed the pencil to her ear with a hand on her hip, as she finished writing and closed the notepad,” In the meantime, I’ll bring you guys some water while you wait.”

“Thank You.”, I said to her as she hummed in response as she left the table.

Once she was out of ear shot, Casey then spoke out,” What the hell was that for?”

“You’re not drinking. Especially, when you are gonna be the one driving the van.”, I whispered-shouted at him.

He then rolled his eyes at me and simply answered,” I wasn’t gonna get wasted like that.”

“I know, but still...”, I told him as I looked down at my lap fiddling with my fingers and my hands. 

I then pressed the jacket closer to my neck trying to cover the slightly marked bruise spot there, so no one can get the wrong idea of one of the boys hurting me in any way. The world seem around us seem to move on, except for us three who where still sitting in awkward silence.

“Here”,  The woman who was first attending us brought us our water,” I’ll come again when your order is ready.”

Placing the tray in front of us and then putting the glasses of water in front, she then left as she took the tray along with her.

 Casey then took the water as he drank from it. I on the other hand played around with the straw inside the glass. While Tommy, was surprisingly quiet this whole time, probably feeling a bit awkward. Who am I kidding? This was awkward. We were all feeling awkward.

“So...”, Tommy started to say as he drummed his fingers on the table, pursing his lips as he tried to think of something to say, with slightly wide eyes as he looked at the table as if it were the only interesting thing right now.,” Are you guys....like a thing?”

Casey as he heard that choked on the water that he was drinking, that was brought to us on the table by the waitress as we waited for our food, and holding the napkin he had on his nose that was keeping it from bleeding in surprise, making him cough as he tried to compose his fit, his eyes watering and wide as he covered his mouth with his left arm.

“You okay?”, He asked worriedly as he watched him coughing. I looked at him as well, a hand resting on his shoulder as I tapped it gently.

Casey then in a raspy voice managed to say ‘I’m good’ as he let out a few coughs, before he finally finished.

“We...aren’t a couple.”, I responded Tommy’s question,” We’re related to each other” .In which he let out an ‘Oh’ in response, as he realized. 

“Sorry, It’s just. You guys fight like an old married couple. It sorta gave me the idea you both were hooking up or dating, some shit like that.”, Tommy said laughing a bit, as he said that.

“No we are not.”, I said as I laughed a bit too, nervously.,” But you do have the arguing part, down right.”

I then looked around the place of the diner a bit as I watched people eating or just talking.

“This place is really nice, I didn’t think there was a diner near the bar we were just at.”, I said with a smile as I looked at Tommy.

“I know, right. I usually come here often after I watch a few of the gigs down at that bar,. Speaking of which...Care to tell me what a pretty chick like you was doing in a place like that?”, Tommy asked out of nowhere curiously, as he sat across me from the both we were in, trying to be flirty but at the same time to not be awkward.

“Umm, I was seeing him play, his gig, at.. the bar ,‘Whiskey-a-Go Go’.”, I replied nervously, pointing at Casey as I stared at Casey through the corner of my eyes and explained to Tommy,” He invited me to come see his show.”

“Oh, Now that you mention it....Wait a minute! I think I’ve seen you before”, Tommy said as he looked at my brother with furrowed brows, squinting his eyes and pointing at him as he tried remembering something,” No fucking way! You’re the dude that played that rad guitar solo onstage at the Whiskey.”

“Yeah, So?”, He asked slightly annoyed and defensive, I elbowed him gently as I glared at him at the corner of my eyes, trying to remind him to be nice.

“What you did onstage was so awesome. You had the whole audience begging on their fucking knees for more!.”, He said followed with a laugh as he finished his sentence.

“Well, some of them didn’t think so. Those crackheads kicked me out of their shit-show. We’re done and over with. Couldn’t be more happier about it.”, He replied lowly, mumbling the last sentence to himself, as he looked down at the napkin that he pressed on his lip, that was stained with dried blood as it trickled a bit from his torn lip.

“Dude! That’s definitely their damn loss, they are seriously gonna miss out on your skills. What you did was pretty badass. The show, not the nose, but...the Nose looks pretty badass too.”

“Yeah, the singer was such an ass.”, Casey replied in a muffle as he held the blood stained napkin in his fingers, pressed against his mouth and nose.

“Yeah I saw the banter that happened onstage. Hey, fuck him, though. He deserved it. Besides, he wasn’t much of a good one any ways.”, He said with sincerity as he looked towards my brother and then to me.

“He is right, you know. You were pretty good up there.”, I said 

I nodded at him with a smile, as Casey looked towards Tommy a small smile starting to reach on his lips, but silently dismissed it as he downed more of the clear liquid from his glass of water and turned his head away from him.

“Do you play in a band?”, I asked Tommy as I drank from my still full water on the table.

“Not at the moment, But I’m planning on joining a band called ‘Suite 19′. I’m gonna be their new drummer.”, He said taking out from his belt, in what looked like to be drumsticks,” That’s when the guys decide to kick the other guy out. I talked to them about it too, But I don’t know. They are still kind of thinking about it.”

Casey then looked at him with furrowed brows as he saw the drumsticks he was carrying.” Do you carry those with you, everywhere you go?”

“Yeah.”, He said as he began to play around with his drumstick in his hand, twirling them around in a very fast motion, without making a mistake as to drop it.

“That’s great. Casey also knows how to play the drums.”, I said as he  kept twirling them at a quick pace keeping his gaze at us. 

“Nice. Does that mean you can do stuff like this?”, He said as he began to do many twirls around his fingers with the drumstick, in different movements all in one hand. Only for him to drop them by accident as he made the drumsticks stop turning around and rested them on his hand. Leaning down to pick them up from the ground as he muttered ‘shit’ under his breath silently.

“Huh. Not bad. Where’d you learn to do that?”, Casey asked Tommy as he kept twirling his drumsticks between his fingers.

“I’ve been practicing since I was three. Also, High school marching band. ”, He said with a sigh and laugh as he stopped twirling his drumsticks, letting them fall on the table gently, as he gave us a tight lipped smile.,” Hey, but I rock too.”

Casey looked down at the table shaking his head as he let out a chuckle to escape his mouth followed by a smirk.” Yeah, I can see that.”

Then from a distance the woman held a tray of our order towards us. She held it down on the table. and passed each of our plates in front of us. Afterwards, she placed an icepack right next to me and my food on the table. I then looked towards her only for her to respond, “Its for the bruise. It will help with the swelling. Enjoy the food, hon.”

She then left leaving me shocked and a bit happy as I thanked her shyly for the ice pack, I then placed the small ice pack around my neck, tensing at the coldness of it coming into contact with my stinging skin that still hurt quite a bit from earlier. A few moments later though I relaxed as I adjusted to the feeling.

“You seriously eat that at this time?”, I heard Casey asked Tommy from beside me.

“Yeah, I mean its Pancakes. Nothing is late ”, He said  as he started to take a bite of the delicious and warm stack of pancakes.

“I know that, but Don’t you think its a bit late for that?”, I asked him with a laugh.

“Hey, food isn’t late for anything, especially Pancakes. Besides, they taste fucking amazing.”, He said  a bit muffled as he started eating his Pancakes with a smile, like a kid eating a sweet treat.

“Yes, we fucking now that by now. Now can we please just eat, right now”, Casey said as he laughed afterwards a small smile on his face. 

“Okay, Geez....”, I replied with a tiny laugh.

We all three laugh together, as we talked and talked, while we ate. The mood was comfortable and relaxing. Everyone was having a good time, even Casey surprisingly as well. But then it was already time to go as we finished eating our food and I checked the time on my watch.

“Anything else, you want?”, The lady prior to coming at our table with our orders said, as she stood in front of us. 

“No just the check. I’ll pay”, Casey spoke as he looked at the lady in front of us taking out his wallet from his jacket’s pocket.

She nodded and went to the cash register at the front, passing around a group  of people behind it. We then left the booth, and approached the register as Casey paid for the food. Afterwards, we left the place walking on the streets.

“So, what did you guys think?”, He asked as he walked beside us.

“It was nice. you’re pretty cool and you aren’t so bad at all.”, I responded a bit shyly and Casey replied with a simple ‘yeah’ as he walked to the right side of me.

“Thanks, you dudes are pretty cool too.”, He said with a laugh as we both walked towards the parking lot, where our van was parked right next to the ‘Whiskey-a- go go’.  “ Do you come to this place often?”

I nodded with a yes and a small giggle,” Usually, to see bands play.”

” Guess we will be running into each other a lot, huh.” Tommy said as he put his hands in his jacket’s pockets

“Yeah, I guess so.”, I then said as I moved towards Casey.

From there, we parted ways and said goodbye to Tommy, hoping to meet again tomorrow at the same time and place for the last day of the weekend.

Entering the car and pulling away from the parking lot that was next to the bar as we drove away back to our house. It was pretty quiet. Too quiet. I wanted to talk to him about the situation about how he got fired from his band, but I new that was a very strong subject, especially since he was more calmer now then ever.

The rest of the way home was quieter than ever as a random song from the radio was playing in the car. He then parked away next to our place. and just stood there.

“I can’t believe that fucking happen to you.”, He told me all of a sudden as he kept his eyes on the wheel, making my hand pull away from the car’s doorknob as I was ready to leave the car and into the house.

“T-tommy was there when it happen and h-he saved me from that, I-its ok-, ”, I mustered to say as I kept my eyes down, and sunk my body deeper in to the passenger seat.

“No its not fucking okay, those fucking creeps could’ve raped you, because of me!”, He said guiltily with anger as he gripped the wheel a bit tighter and yelled at me,” What if- what if he wasn’t there at all! Damnit”

“Casey!”, I yelled at him so he could hear what I had to say, as he scolded himself for leaving me,” I’m fine, and that’s what matters. Stop blaming yourself for it, It wasn’t your fault. None of it, Okay. You were there too, and you prevented it from happening. Those bastard got what he deserved. I’m safe right now, because of you. You’re a good brother. And a good friend”

He looked at me from the corner of his eyes before leaving his gripping hands away from the wheel and wrapped them around me. He hugged me.

“I know. I’m just afraid that one day I’ll mess up and fail.”, He said his voice cracking by just a bit as he sucked in a breath, trying to hold his emotions together.

The grip he had on me was strong but not too tight either as he buried his face on my neck, embracing me. It startled me at first, but then I let my arms wrap around his strong frame.

“You won’t”, I reassured him with sincerity as I soothed him by rubbing his back gently. Burying my face on his firm shoulder.,” You never did.”

 We stayed there for a few moments that almost lasted forever, before he moved himself away from me giving me my space.

“How can you say that. How do you know for sure?”, He said almost as a question as he stared at me softly.

“I just know.”, I told him as I held his hand in mine gently,” Trust me.”

He nodded silently at me as his blue eyes soften as he stared at mine. 

We held hands and walked towards the house. As soon as Casey opened the door and turned on the lights to the house, I rushed to my room and to my bathroom. Looking at the bruise more clearly, it wasn’t that bad but it was a bit noticeable. Laying down the icepack that I carried all the way from the diner on the pale sink. Quickly, I went to the bedroom and took my midnight clothes. Then I moved on to the bathroom and closed it behind me taking my clothes off and ready to take a shower. Letting the warmth of the water above me soothe my skin and bruises, as I let my brain and thoughts relax and escape.

....

 A few minutes after I got dressed and dried my damp,(H/L); (H/C) hair, I opened the cabinet underneath and pulled out a cream that helped with the mark. I applied it gently onto my skin, careful not to press or put pressure on it too much so it wouldn’t sting. Afterwards, I laid down on my bed wandering what I should do now. I thought writing in my diary or lyrics in my notebook could help. That and there is also my sketchbook in which I spend many ours drawing. As my feet came into contact with the floor, I made my way towards the closet and, reached my hands to the top it, where a bunch of boxes were resting in along with my composition books. Taking the books out from above the box, I accidentally stepped on a shoe as I backed away, causing me to slip from having to stand on my tippy-toes from how high the books were in the closet. Groaning, I stood up and looked at the box that was now opened and had a bunch of photos scattered around in the floor along with the three books. The sound of clatter caused my brother to yell.” Are you okay?!”, He asked from his room as I heard his voice through the thin walls with a yell. “Yeah! I just tripped.”, I yelled back letting him know I was fine. I then gazed towards the photos in the floor, ‘Shit..’, I thought in my head  as I looked at the mess,’ Better clean it up.’

As I brought the box on my neatly made bed, I then leaned down to pick the photos each one catching my eye. I then stopped to look at them, sitting on the bed. There was a boy with blonde hair and bright eyes in the picture as he smiled with a toothy grin, one of his front baby teeth being lost, as he held a large hockey stick and wore a warm uniform in the snow. The young boy looked a lot like Casey as he had the same eyes and growing blonde hair. ‘This was Casey!..”, I thought in my head as the young boy in the photo looked exactly like him, examining further as I realized it.

I then brought my attention to the box next to me looking inside and taking the top of it, placing it gingerly to the side. Inside the box, was a photo album. Taking it out and fixing it as it was all messy from the fall and impact, I looked at the photos inside it all being the same boy; sometimes younger or a bit more older and sometimes with a moan, presumably his father, along with other people I didn’t recognize or know of.’ Was this his photo album?’, I thought as I focused on some baby pictures with the same boy, having short blonde strands on his feeble head, looking curiously at the camera in pure adorableness, as he stared with a big and cute smile on his face, that made my heart melt in awe gushingly.

Flipping through the pages, I found one that caught my sight through the corner of my eye. Stopping my actions to look at it, I inspected the photo. It wasn’t just him in the photo. There was an older yet young blonde boy wearing a light blue puffed jacket with a beanie made out of wool and jeans along with dark blue gloves, and a small girl wearing a sweater underneath her warm and big jacket along with warm gloves on her tiny hands, holding a stuffed bear as they stood in the snowy winter behind them. Staring at the camera with serious yet warm expressions in their faces. It was a photo of Casey and me. 

What made it more shocking was that I remembered this day that it was taken, despite how young I was. Because it stuck to me for a very long time. It was very important to me. 

========================================

1974, L.A. - New York (During Winter)

I was playing around in the snow as I was giggling happily at the sight of it. Aunt Donna was standing beside the car as she stared at me with a warm smile. Grandma was on the porch in her chair on the left side of the porch,

Then I saw Uncle Robert in his brown coat and bored look on his face, as he lit a cigarette on the right side, and Casey standing a few feet away from him leaning on the side of the door.

I then looked towards Auntie and rushed towards her with my tiny feet up the stairs until I reached her on the porch.

“What is it, sweetie?”, Aunt Janet asked as she saw me approach her with a sweet smile.

“Can I, please, go to the park?”, I asked her as I held the stuffed bear close to me.

“Of course.”, She said with a giggle as she walked towards me and leaned down to my level,” I won’t be able to. But I’ll ask Casey to take you.”

She then called Casey over to her, as he stood they’re groaning approaching Aunt Donna as he rolled his eyes, coming down the few set of stairs only to hit the snowy ground to stand right in front of her.

“I need you to take (Y/N) to the park, while I go to the store to pick some things.”, Aunt Janet told him as she then gave him money,” I’m trusting you to watch over her. Buy yourself and her a treat on the way here, Okay.”

She then ruffled my head and Casey’s and went towards the front of the car as she closed the door behind her, starting the car. Pulling away, she waved at me in which in return I did slowly with a gloomy face,” I’ll be back soon.”

Casey and I stood there in the road as she drove away. I went to take Casey’s hand in mine, but he then tugged it away from me rudely, giving me a mean look. I timidly looked down as he did that a bit afraid of him, cowering in fear.” C’mon dork, Let’s go.”, He said as he released a heavy sigh that turned to smoke from the cold, walking away from me.

Walking towards the park nearby, I started to rush towards the swings happily. Playing around the park, I started to look around for Casey only to realize he wasn’t there. This wasn’t the first time he has left me though. Back in school when we would leave after the school rang, we were both supposed to walk to the house together that way I was safe, but he ended up leaving me to walk alone all by myself to the house, not caring what Aunt Janet said about it, even though sometimes she herself would pick us up sometimes from school after work. Once she found out about it, she started to yell at him for doing that and grounded him. But he later sneaked away a couple of times, but I didn’t tell anything to her about it though, because Casey threaten me sometimes. 

That didn’t help me from feeling sad and lonely, though, since I was always alone most of the time. I started to walk towards the direction to the house only to be stopped by four boys around 12. 

“Looks like, we meet again crybaby.”, Tyler ,One of the boys said as he looked at me, noticing I didn’t say anything back to him,” What not gonna say anything about it?”

He then snatched my teddy bear away from me.

“Aren’t you too old to be playing with toys?”, Tyler mocked as he raised it high above me.

“G-give it back.”, I stuttered silently as tears started to prick at my eyes, trying to act tough and remembering something Casey would say when they messed with him from a few fights I have seen him in at school.” or e-else.”

“Or else what?”, He said his face contorting to anger.

Those boys were the bullies at my school. They made fun of me for liking rock music, plus many other things and would embarrass me in front of the whole class with they’re stupid and cruel pranks, they would also harass me constantly nonstop afterschool. They would push me or fight me a bunch of times. No one knew about it though, because I was scared and just weak. Sometimes, I would come to school with bruises on my knees or arms or I would wet myself on the bed because of how panicked I was, even my Aunt notice it and ask me about it. But I would brush it off as a nightmare or that I accidentally tripped on my. There was one person who did though, Casey. I knew because the fights were always after school and he would just stand there from a distance watching me as he drank from a bottle of booze that if Auntie saw he would get punished for it.

“Hey! Did you hear me, you little bitch.”, He shouted at me as he grabbed me by my shoulders shaking me violently.

“L-let me go.”, I told him as he gripped my arms tightly,” Y-you’re hurting me.”

He then shoved me hard on the floor as he then stood above me.” Ouch!”, I yelled as he kicked me making me tear up from the pain.

“Aww, the little baby’s gonna cry.”, One of the boys said as the other two chuckled cruelly at me.

Tyler then snatched my hair as my back was towards him on the ground, then pressing my head against the ground.

The other boys then started to gang up on me and surround me as I felt small beneath their gaze. 

They all started kick me, each impact of their feet making me tear up and suffer much worse. It didn’t help it either that they were wearing shoes. I begged them with tears in my eyes to stop, but they only kept kicking me and mocked me for being weak.

I begged and cried I then scooted away from them with as much force as I could to my already throbbing legs, I then felt my leg being grabbed. As reflex and defense, I used my other leg to kick the person hard in the face causing them to let go of my leg and grab at their face, groaning. I then leaned both of my arms as I looked at the person that snatched my leg ,Tyler,  in shock at what I did. 

As he let his hand fall away from his face I notice his lip begin to drip with something red as he spit some on the ground, tainting the pure white snow with it. He then looked at his hand as hand that had a few drops of them and stared at me with a steely look that could kill anyone.

“I-i’m sorry.”, I whimpered out as I sniffed out, still scooting away from him as I laid at my side, looking at him with tears in my eyes, my nose red from the cold and from crying too much in agony. 

“You are so dead.”, He said with a dark stare as he angrily approached me. Tyler then snatched my hair as my back was towards him on the ground, then pressing my head against the ground., ” No one is gonna fucking hear you, because you are the annoying, fat , weak, freaky ,little crybaby that you are. You hear me!”

Hearing these words made me tear up even more making my cheeks red and damp as he kicked me with each word said in my ear, it also got me thinking if whether that was true or not. If I was really alone right now, that no one was gonna help me. I then laid my head down as I kept crying silently, giving up.

The boys kept kicking me of course, as I begged them to stop. Then suddenly I heard someone yell.

“What the fuc-!”, Before they were cut off.

Tyler’s grip on my hair loosened as he watch the scene, giving me the perfect time to quietly escape from his grasp. Hissing and groaning slightly from the suffering that was inflicting my body. I tried to crawl away from the scene. I then looked over my shoulders to see a boy with blonde hair on top of someone punching Tyler’s face over and over again. Only to stop and get off of them. The boy then turned around to look at me only for their face to be recognized. It was Casey, who’s nose was dripping red with blood. He then rushed towards me and leaned down, with his eyes wide and sucking a breath as he saw my state. He then looked towards the boys who were helping Tyler out from the floor. Breathing heavily in the middle of a panic attack, I curled into a ball crying silently.

“Do you need a fucking hint?”, Casey yelled at them his eyes pissed with furiousness in them as he pierced them with his intense stare.,” Fuck off!”

The boys as soon as they heard that dashed away, dragging Tyler along with them. 

Casey ignoring them and looking at my traumatized face, with guilt and regret.

“Fuck!”, He said as he looked at my legs and arms.

“Y-you’re hurt.”, I whimpered out as I was still curled into a ball looking at him.

“What.”, He said as he looked at me with worry.

“You got hurt because of me! I’m sorry!”, I cried out as I closed my eyes letting my tears to fall down my already puffed and red cheeks. Casey seeing this panicked and held my shoulders gently. “No no no no It’s not okay. Forget about the fucked up nose. I’m fine. Okay.”

He then extended his hand towards me which I took in mine with a tremble. Helping out from the snow.

He then hugged me tightly all of a sudden, catching me by surprise and making me flinch but later I, with shaking and feeble arms in pain, embraced him back, as I sniffled. Calming down from the embrace, Casey softly and slowly released me letting his hands to fall on my shoulders. “You wanna go on the swings.”

I then nodded sadly as I sniffled, he then grabbed my hand gently, not letting it go or shooing it away. I in return gripped it tightly, afraid that it would soon disappear from my hands as I stuck closely by him shaken a bit still from what  happened.

We then walked silently towards the park again. I couldn’t help but look at his nose in shame as it kept dripping, staining his shirt.

“Y-you’re nose. its red.”, I told him in a whisper only for him to look towards me.

“What?”, He asked as he kept walking, his feet scrunching beneath the snowy white ground.

“Y-you’re nose is red.”, I commented this time a little louder so he could hear me clearly.

“Yeah, No shit sherlock.”, He said sarcastically as he looked ahead, making me looked down sadly. Casey noticed this and muttered a small ‘sorry’ to me

We spend the rest of the day, on the park hanging on the swings. Casey sitting on one of them next to me, and I on the other as we both held hands, afraid to say any words or to let go.

“Casey....” I spoke quietly not looking at him.

“Yeah...”, He said as he didn’t look at me as well.

“Do you think I’m annoying and a freak?”, I asked weakly as casted my eyes down sadly at the white and pale snow on the ground.

“Well.....no.”, He said as he turned his head away,” I think you are a whole lot  more than those things.”

“You mean it.”, I said as I looked at him with wide eyes.

“Yes I do. Trust me.”, He said as he squeezed my tiny hand into his large warm one for comfort and to reassure me.

“What if those bullies come back?”, I asked worriedly as my hand and body stiffened at the thought, suddenly unmoving.

“They won’t”, He said with confidence as he looked towards me with soft eyes.

“How do you know for sure?”, I asked him not convinced with his answer or trusting his words, filling my mind with doubt.

“Because, I will kick their asses again if they do.”, He said firmly as he held my hand in his tightly and softly as he squeezed them.,” and  I- I will always be there for you....”

“I promise”

========================

{AUTHOR’S NOTE}

Hello again dear reader’s this is the last part of the prologue. We finally met our adorable and crazy Tommy in this one. I hope I wrote his personality and his character as I accurate as I can. This took me a lot to write too. Anyways, thanks for anyone who reads this and loves it as much as I do. Sorry for any one who was awaiting a lot for it. Comment your thoughts about it if you liked it. Hope to see you again on the next update. Love you guys and Hoped you Enjoyed it!

{LIKE AND REBLOG IF YOU LIKED IT 💕}

[haro-whumps]

Group Whumpees 4: Responsibility

CW: referenced noncon, transphobia (out of ignorance, not malice, but VERY present), modern slavery, aftermath of abuse, multiple whumpees, abrasive language

Tag list: @bleeding-demon-teeth @theycomeinthrees @redwingedwhump @whimperwoods @inpainandsuffering @whole-and-apart-and-between @whump-whump-whump-it-up @whumpingupastorm @newandfiguringitout @lonesome-hunter @looptheloup @icannotweave @cowboysrappin @deluxewhump @whumping-every-day @yeet-me-out-a-window @what-a-whumpy-world @burtlederp 

This is... a LONG one...

First

Nyla and Evan helped Lilah clean up her open injuries and scabs, the many hands making light work, and they were off to join Greyson and Sasha in the kitchen in hardly any time at all. On the way there, Nyla detoured to the front facing window, and Master’s car from the night before was, indeed, gone.

She was the last to the kitchen but was able to smile and announce his absence. The nervous energy settled into relief and a bit of joy, and Nyla recounted the morning’s encounter to the others, Sasha frying up five sausages. 

“He’ll be gone most of the day,” Lilah repeated, thoughtful, and Evan flicked a lock of her hair.

“And he doesn’t eat breakfast, so the bread’s all ours.”

Lilah and Evan shared a smile, and Nyla sighed. Troublemakers, both of them, Lilah couldn’t keep her face from twisting up sourly or going vacant and Evan couldn’t keep his mouth shut to save his life, and the moment they got an inch of leash they started acting like hooligans. She was so fond of them both; she just wished they’d stop getting into trouble.

“We should talk, while he’s out,” Nyla asserted, fingertips drumming on the kitchen counter. “Compare observations and start up some guesswork on how to please him. He told us to ‘not push ourselves too hard’ today, so we can spare an hour or so for conversation, I think.”

“Is th-that really s-s-safe?” Sasha asked.

“He told us to,” Nyla repeated, fists balling, “I’ll take full blame for any ire, but he told us to, and we need to know what we’re going to do, here out. Grey, tell us what happened last night. Why were you in bed with us?” 

“He didn’t want anyone, last night,” Greyson stated calmly, though his normally immobile brow furrowed. “He cited being drunk, and said he wasn’t going to hurt us, but he was displeased, though by what, I cannot tell.”

“He probably wanted a fuck,” Evan said, and everyone tensed at his angry words. “Grey and I aren’t gonna cut it, anymore. We’ve got a Master now.”

“If that’s what he wanted, he would’ve sent for one of us, then,” Nyla dismissed with a shake of her head, washing her hands before checking to see if the bread was done. Close, but not quite yet. “He might have actually been too drunk to act on whatever he wanted, and that was what caused his displeasure.”

“I wouldn’t be so quick to assume either of those,” Greyson said contemplatively, and they all turned a wary eye on him. He leaned forward, even though there was no one else in the house to hear, and they all instinctively leaned towards him in response. “Things are… more complicated, with Master Galo. He’s one of those transvestites. I don’t know entirely what that means, for us, but I think that we shouldn’t rule any possibilities out.”

“He’s a girl?” Lilah asked, screwing up her face in confusion.

“Mm,” Greyson confirmed with a nod. 

“Should we call him ‘she?’”

“I think that would be a good way to make him angry,” Nyla discouraged, crossing her arms. “Greyson, why didn’t you bring this up sooner?”

“I’m honestly still not sure what to do with this information,” Greyson said as Sasha pulled the bread out of the oven and set it on the counter to cool, waving away the steam with an oven mitt. “I didn’t want to throw us all into unnecessary concern and confusion last night, when we were all already concerned and confused.”

“And if Evan or I had gone to lay at the foot of his bed?” Nyla asked, trying not to sound accusatory, but she was a little peeved with her friend.

Greyson simply shrugged. “Then I would have told you, since it would have been relevant.”

“So if he has a cunt, does that mean Grey and I are still on fucktoy duty?” Evan asked, changing the subject in a way he probably thought was subtle.

“Don’t, um, t-trannies get s-surgeries?” Sasha asked.

“I do remember Mistress complaining about that fairly often,” Nyla agreed, and Greyson frowned.

“He hadn’t mentioned surgery when talking about his life events. Or maybe that’s what ‘going on T’ meant…”

“Going on penis? No, that starts with a p; going on… the surgery table?” Evan sounded out, pulling a sausage link and two eggs from the skillets and accepting a slice of bread from Sasha, then passing the plate to Lilah. He did it twice more with Nyla and Greyson, before accepting one for himself, and Sasha filled her own.

“Regardless,” Nyla said, accepting the plate from Evan, “we should remain respectful. Master Galo has not indicated that we should call him anything but Master, and we’ll just have to see who he wants to fuck when we guess right.”

“I h-hate all this gu-guessing,” Sasha said miserably, stabbing her fork into the sausage a little harder than she normally would. Nyla sighed, just barely, and her expression softened.

“I’ll ask him again for foods that he likes,” Nyla promised. “For tonight, potatoes. I don’t think there’s been a single guess of Mistress’s that didn’t like potatoes,” Nyla decided, looking to Greyson. He nodded in confirmation; as the designated waiter, he’d seen more of Mistress’s guests at the dinner table than the rest of them combined.

“I c-can do pot-tatoes,” Sasha agreed, and Nyla smiled.

“Do you think he’ll want the garden redone?” Lilah asked, staring at the door that would lead to the back exit. Nyla screwed her lips up, and took a bite of bread and egg, buying herself time to think. 

“Do you think he’ll care?” Evan asked, rubbing a hand up and down Lilah’s back. “Worrying about gardens and flowers doesn’t seem very manly.”

“Lawncare is ‘a man’s job,’ though,” Lilah reminded.

“But if he’s not a-actually a m-man..?”

“I think we should probably operate under the assumption that he is a man, just not one that Mistress would approve of,” Greyson stated.

“Grey’s right,” Nyla agreed, “And Mistress is dead, and Master is here, so it’s his outlook that we should be concerning ourselves with, now.” Nyla smiled at Lilah reassuringly. “I’ll find out if he wants anything changed. Until then, carry on normally, and skip mowing for now.”

Nyla turned to Greyson next. “I’ll Attend, tonight, and if the displeasure continues we’ll take a new approach. Serve less wine at dinner tonight.” Greyson nodded.

“Are you gonna solve my problems too?” Evan asked, and she knew that although his tone was flippant, he was only half joking. She wasn’t though.

“Yes,” she said firmly, approaching him and crossing her arms, having to crane her neck back to stare up at him from this close but that was fine. She knew he was unsettled by this kind of proximity. “You, keep your mouth shut around Master. Don’t go peeving him for no reason; he’s not like Mistress.”

Evan met her gaze, and she couldn’t handle that, she could not handle that.

“Evan,” she said, a little harsher and a little more desperately, “You’ve seen how big he is,” she couldn’t help the crack in her voice on the words seen, “He could break you, Evan, he could kill you without too much effort. I know you made a habit of getting Mistress angry just so it would be over quicker, but you can not do that anymore.”

Evan’s eyes no longer met hers, sweat beading but that wasn’t enough.

“Promise me.”

“Nyla…”

“Evan, promise me you won’t do anything stupid or deadly. Promise me.”

“Ha… you’re really not having it, huh?”

“I’m not,” she agreed, voice smoother, now, controlled. She’d always had the best control, out of all of them. 

“...I promise I won’t get myself killed,” Evan said, and she huffed. It was as good as she would get without this turning into a full on spat, and none of their nerves could handle that at the time.

“Alright. He hasn’t hurt any of us yet and he’s very friendly. He liked dinner last night, regularly attends the gym, and has claimed the turquoise guest bedroom. He’s a transvestite, Mistress Bethany’s nephew, and he likes spinach, apples, celery, ginger, pasta and carrots. Do we know anything else about him?”

“He doesn’t care for his father,” Greyson answered. “When he was a child, he enjoyed the pool and antique musicals.”

“The pool and musicals are things we can work with,” Nyla said, feeling a little better just from having that much more information to go off of, “And we’ll be careful to steer clear regarding his father. Anything else?”

A quick survey of the kitchen confirmed that that was it, Sasha wringing her hands, Lilah gone all distant and Quiet again, Greyson’s eyes both sharp and tired, Evan sulking.

“Alright.” Nyla brushed down her apron. “We’ve been ordered to take it easy, today. I don’t know what that means, but focus on completing the smaller, more specialized tasks than heavy maintenance, alright?”

Four nods met her words, and she nodded as well. “Good. Let’s hop to it then.”

A loud noise from the front of the mansion had the blood in Nyla’s veins run like ice, porcelain smile reflexively stretched across her face and her spine ramrod straight, hands clasped neatly in front of her. Sasha jumped, Greyson stood from the kitchen stool with his face void and posture perfect, Lilah’s arms wrapped around herself like snakes, and Evan’s eyes blew wide.

Three more times, the sound came, the loose branch from the front maple finally swinging low in the strong winds outside.

“...Actually, Evan, would you go ahead and help Lilah with that branch in the front yard?” Nyla suggested, not quite able to pull the perfect smile off her face just yet.

Evan nodded, slinging his arm around Lilah’s shoulders--and Nyla smiled more genuinely at how his presence always managed to bring her back out. Her eyes were never all the way glassy, with Evan paying attention to her, even on the worse nights. She took a deep, only somewhat-shaky breath, and then patted her apron again, a few more times than strictly necessary.

“Right. Meet back here for lunch, everyone.”

And with that, she spun and strode out into the house. She woke up the tablet in the computer room and ordered the groceries Master Galo had requested, as well as more pasta, carrots, some beans, potatoes, and rice. She’d make a second, more comprehensive order when Master Galo gave her a better idea of his desires, but for now it couldn’t hurt to stock up on dietary staples. She pulled her notepad out of her apron’s pocket and jotted down “groceries 1” then immediately crossed it out, and wrote “groceries 2” beneath it. She quickly wrote down her list for the day, and then set out to complete the tasks.

She met Greyson in Master’s bedroom, helped him strip the sheets off the bed and put on new ones, then left him with Master’s discarded clothes from the night before and the unwashed bedding. She watered the potted plant Master had brought in, simply because she wasn’t sure if that should be Evan and Grey’s job or hers, and when that was the case she defaulted to taking it as hers. She made a list of the personal grooming tools Master Galo possessed, lifting the bottles of shampoo and soap to check how full they were. If it were mistress, Nyla would add another bottle of conditioner to the second list of groceries, but Master Galo had significantly less hair than she did. Better wait on that.

Master Galo did not, judging from the pile of items he’d removed from the walls and tables and whatnot, like the particularly gaudy form of art Mistress Bethany liked. She made note of that, and decided to revisit that later. She checked the stock on laundry materials--good--and if Lilah had enough gasoline--she did--before moving onto Mistress’s craft room. 

Nyla stared at it helplessly for only a moment. Mistress had required highly specific amounts of thread, beads, and fabric. Too much and there wouldn't be room to store them, too little and Mistress might run out, and that meant Nyla would be thoroughly beaten. Mistress never told Nyla what she had or hadn’t used; it was Nyla’s job to catalogue supplies every day, and make new orders every single day.

Learn Master’s hobbies and buy supplies, Nyla added to her list, closing the door to the craft room behind her. She would ask Master Galo how he would prefer to dispose of the materials. Ideally some other cousin or somesuch would want to inherit the supplies and would take care of it. Otherwise, Nyla felt the project looming over her head. She added garbage bags to grocery list 2, and then added totes and other moving containers as an extra precaution. 

Her most time consuming task suddenly no longer relevant, Nyla assisted her family with theirs, jotting down notes and their concerns as they came. Every now and then, worry would ping at her. She’d Attended Mistress plenty of nights, but never for sex, only for pain and to offer midnight assistance. Nyla had never worked on her back before. Evan uniformly hated it, but Greyson gave mixed reviews. Master Galo was large, and strong, and frightening, so Nyla couldn’t spend too much time on those lines of thought, always dragging herself back to cataloguing belongings, checking in on her family’s progress, and she even had the time to stop by the boiler room and check the water heater for any new leaks. At lunch, she felt fairly accomplished, almost-ready to face their Master. 

How to approach him, though? Mistress was at her most approachable between dinner and Jeopardy. The wine wouldn't have made her too likely to strike, yet, still moving through her system, and Mistress never took well to requests after her nightly show. But Master? Nyla had no idea. 

It meant guessing. It meant relearning everything she’d been viciously, painfully taught when she was fourteen and new here. It meant just… going for it, with no experience to take comfort in. Fine. 

She was the head of the household, and that was her job. So she'd do it. 

--

Galo had hoped that a trip to the gym would help clear his head. It had been a nice distraction, but not much else. So he called up the funeral place and got some groundwork laid out, and then wrote the email to his family and called his father preemptively, hopefully getting points for the fact that he’d called first, but probably not. And then his sister called, so he managed to weasel his way out of his father’s call with only an extra ten minutes after the beeps, and he called his sister back, and then his uncle called, and then a cousin wanted to know why the hell Galo had been the one put in charge and it had taken everything left in Galo’s fraying patience not to scream back, “Because I'm the only responsible member of this family!”

And so phonecall after phonecall went, and Galo had taken a painkiller before he’d dialed his father but he was still left with a headache when he was done. He couldn't even blame dehydration for it; he’d drunk plenty throughout the calls, wishing his water was alcohol. 

He had hoped, rather vainly, that his subconscious would process whatever was happening in Auntie Bethany’s house while he worked out and talked to his godawful family. He tried to think about the people there, about the enormity of what had happened to them, and his brain still hit a blank wall. 

It was too much, so, break it down. What did he, for a fact, know?

He pulled an old, beat up notebook out of his computer bag, flipped past the work he’d done in college, and clicked his pen.

The Den is a bad place

Nyla doesn’t like having her face touched

Galo felt his head clear, a little. He drew a line down the middle of the page and started a second column.

Auntie Bethany kept five slaves in a perpetual state of fear, and tortured them.

Back on the first column:

Greyson has burn scars all over his arms and whip/knife/??? scars all over his back

Sasha cannot speak, y/n questions only, or get Nyla

Don’t flex in front of them

Nyla is in charge(???) Probably.

Lilah is the gardener

Sasha is the cook

Greyson is a waiter? Probably?

Evan… housework?

Galo genuinely wasn’t sure what Evan and Greyson’s jobs were, but, whatever. They knew what they were doing. A sour thought twisted in his stomach, and he made another bulletpoint in the right column.

Auntie Bethany

It was too awful to write. He didn’t want to acknowledge it, didn’t want to spell it out. Not his own family, his flesh and blood. But shying away from the truth would probably only cause them harm, down the line.

Auntie Bethany raped Greyson. Probably Evan, too.

Auntie Bethany had been a deeply queerphobic individual. Galo could at least be certain that she would never have fucked Nyla, Sasha, or Lilah, as pathetic of a comfort as that was. But the fact that she’d--

Focus.

Lilah is very injured right now. Reassign her?

Nyla orders groceries, she wants foods I like. Think up some ideas.

Did he still have his blue highlighter? He did! He highlighted that one, since it required him to do something. Do something, ha, good idea. He really, really needed to think of what to do. These people needed help, and at present he was the only one who could give it to them. He flipped the page over and started, on a blank sheet, a new list, separate from his observations and theories.

Ideas!

Give clear, achievable orders.

Look into therapists who have a precedence with treating abused slaves.

Reassign Lilah?

He’d written that on the first list but eh, it belonged here more.

Keep acting cheerful?

The problem was: he wasn’t sure if that was working. His flighty reflex-brain had been insistent on acting calm, friendly, approachable, like nothing was wrong and everything was okay, but was that the best option? He frightened them so badly… But if not that, then what else?

Briefly, he thought of maybe scaring them into acting out, and then showing them it was fine for them to do that, but he quickly discarded the idea. He’d seen enough of Greyson and Sasha to know that whatever he did, they’d just accept it, and probably break down crying part way through. Whatever Auntie Bethany had done to them, she’d snuffed out their resistance. 

He instinctively rejected the idea of playing pretend at a cruel master, but then forced himself to reexamine the idea. Not a cruel master, no, but maybe… a strict one? Give them order, stability, expectations.

Yeah, right. Galo was a reliable dude, but he’d never been strict a day in his life. He’d… half-play at Master Galo, since that’s technically what he was, but given his own abilities, what he’d seen so far, and what he knew of human psychology, keeping things friendly and chill would probably be the best route, especially at the start. He could settle into something more serious as they got to know each other better, and the five of them started to accept that he wouldn’t hurt them, but right now? Right now they’d surely take anything other than 100% happy as a sign of displeasure, and catastrophize accordingly.

Oh… maybe they could help Galo with funeral plans. A way for them to feel helpful and successful, and genuinely so.

Aunty Bethany had more than enough flowers on her estate to bury her in.

Funeral plans: flowers, setup, catering?

Galo wondered what Sasha did all day. Cooking for six surely couldn’t be… that time consuming? Maybe she was just slow.

Ask Nyla how quickly Sasha is able to cook large quantities of food, and if catering is an option

Asking Sasha herself, even if it could be framed as a yes or no question, would probably just give the poor woman the shakes again. 

Galo read over his lists, and felt… better. Like, still garbage, definitely still garbage, but less headachey and less helpless in the face of it all. 

He went back to his apartment, and surveyed his belongings. He’d brought his necessities to his aunt’s--his house the night before, but that still left, like, everything else. Hm. He was rich now. He could hire movers. He could pay people to do this shit for him. But also like… did he need the bed? The couch? No. He had no emotional attachment to most of his furniture, thrifted or found on curbs or given to him by a college roommate, it was mostly just the smaller stuff that was important.

He took some pictures, listed some craigslist ads, and then looked at a couple different moving companies. He skimmed reviews, searching through services that were pricey enough he would’ve once never even glanced at them, searching for people who took their time and packed things sensibly, and carefully. Satisfied, he called up the one he liked best, and scheduled the day after the funeral.

And then, because he was rich as hell now, and he could, he typed out a two-weeks notice and printed it out from his apartment’s printer. He would swing by his work… tomorrow or sometime, and drop this off. It was more of a “Hey I’ll be there next week” notice, since he’d taken this one off for funeral related reasons (and also slave related reasons, he knew now), and if his boss wanted to let him off the same day, he’d absolutely take it. It wasn’t like they were short-handed, at the moment, so Galo very easily could be staring down a very early retirement. He thought again of going back to school, once he sorted out everything with the slaves.

That would be nice.

He packed up his game systems, the book he was in the middle of, and his good luck charm, and left his apartment to head back to his house. He should probably start the process of letting his landlord know he was breaking his lease, and pay that off, but eh. He could do that… later. It was early enough in the month that he had plenty of time.

When he got through the front door (had it been oiled? He remembered it being heavier, the night before) he did a double take at the pile of gaudy garbage he’d made of his aunt’s weird… “art.” It was bigger than the night before.

He squinted down at a little green-red-white-gold “Egyptian” bird statue. He definitely hadn’t seen that the night before, though he couldn’t exactly say he was unhappy to see it in the garbage pile. 

“Welcome home, Master,” Nyla greeted, gliding into the foyer with that unnatural grace of hers. In a different life, maybe she could’ve been a dancer.

“Hi, Nyla. I’m glad you’re here, I wanted--”

Galo cut off when Nyla dropped down to her knees, fluid as silk, cupped Galo’s hand and wrist, and placed a delicate kiss to his palm. Right. Hand kissing was a thing, he should add that to his list. He briefly considered discouraging it, but, well, it was a harmless gesture, and he needed to be careful about picking his battles here at the start.

“Thanks, Nyla,” he said, giving her a little pat to the head. He then extended his hand to her, and said, “I wanted to ask you a couple questions about how things, like, operate around here?” She placed her hand inside his, but when she rose it was weightless, no pressure to his hand in the slightest. Maybe not a dancer, maybe, like, a wraith or something. 

“I would be happy to answer all questions, Master,” Nyla said, her hands clasped neatly in front of her, her smile looking genuine. Galo smiled back; maybe this wouldn’t be so awful after all? “If now is a good time, Master, may I ask you questions as well?” 

“Yeah, yeah, now’s good.” Galo shifted his duffle on his shoulder. “Let me set this stuff down first? Is the living room good for you?”

Nyla bowed a little, eyes lowered deferentially. “The living room is a fine choice, Master. May I assist in carrying anything?”

“No offense,” Galo said, giving her a very brief once over, “but I’m pretty sure I’m better equipped to be carrying heavy shit than you are, Nyla.”

“Of course, Master,” she said, and there was that nervous little twitch, the way she locked up. Nyla was… a very good actor, Galo thought to himself. It would be hard to suss out what was a genuine reaction from her and what she’d been trained to show. Knowing Aunty Bethany, she’d probably told Nyla that girls are prettier when they’re smiling with their mouths shut.

Galo settled his duffle to the side, where hopefully no one would trip over it. He’d unpack it later. “So, Nyla,” he said, sitting down on the weirdly shaped, petite couch-adjacent thing that looked best able to hold Galo’s weight, “what is it you want to know?”

Nyla moved like water over well-worn stones, the way she knelt down at Galo’s feet, shoulder touching the couch lookalike but all of her weight on her ankles. He hoped his brain got over how fluidly she moved soon, because it was gonna get old fast, if he got taken aback every time Nyla did literally anything. Did his aunt insist on this, too? Was this part of what she did to them?

“Master, if I may trouble you for your preferences in meals, I would be grateful.”

“Oh, yeah, here,” Galo pulled a folded up piece of notebook paper from his back pocket and handed it to Nyla. “I mostly just jotted down general ideas and like, overarching stuff I like? Instead of specific meals, but I trust Sasha’s judgement.”

Nyla took the paper in slender fingers (she was too thin; was his aunt responsible for that, too?) and unfolded it with silent delicacy. She read over it briefly, and then refolded it and tucked it into her apron pocket.

“This is perfect, Master, thank you for your thoughtfulness and effort.”

“Yeah, sure. Hey, Nyla,” he said, coaxing and gentle as he could, but it still made her lock up, smile looking fixed, “would you sit with your legs bent in front of you? Like, sit with your butt on the floor and your legs, like, criss-cross-applesauce, but both of your knees facing the same direction. Yeah, like that, and lean your weight against the lip of the couch here--perfect, Nyla, thank you.” Galo smiled at her, glad now that her poor ankles weren’t taking the weight of literally her entire body. “Would you be okay if I touched your hair?”

A moment’s hesitation. “If Master wouldn’t find it troublesome…”

Galo chuckled, just a little, even though his heart ached for her. He placed his palm gently on her head, and pet slowly, carefully down, before repeating the motion. She seemed, at the very least, not to mind it. “What else did you need?”

“At your leisure, Master, would you find time to survey the estate gardens and see if they are to your liking? We will gladly change anything you disapprove of.”

“Oh, yeah, no, I’m sure they look fine, but that’s actually related to one of my questions.”

“Yes Master?” Nyla asked, and Galo would call the tone there eagerness.

“Should Lilah be the gardener? I know she’s not, like, young-young, but I’ve seen some of my aunt’s yardwork equipment and it seems kinda big for someone that small. Especially since she’s, y’know, all injured and stuff.”

“Lilah is the best gardener of the group, Master. I doubt anyone would do as well as she does, and she’s never been injured by any of the equipment, Master. However, if her role displeases you, Master, we will not hesitate to acclimate to your desires.”

So… Auntie Bethany had put each and every bruise and cut on Lilah’s body. It was a hard thought to swallow. “It doesn’t displease me,” Galo said, voice quiet. “If you all think she’s the best fit, you’d know better than me. Please tell her to ask for help if something’s too cumbersome for her, though.”

“Yes Master.”

Galo gave her a little scritch, smiling encouragingly. “What else?”

“Hobbies, Master. I would like to know your routine and hobbies, so that we may best provide for them.”

Galo tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“Mistress enjoyed needlework and beading, Master. Her craft room is very full of her supplies, which I regularly stocked. I would delightedly do the same for you, if I knew what your hobbies are.”

“Oh, uh, video games, mostly, which don’t really require… like, physical materials. I like working out, but I’d prefer to go to a gym than have equipment here. It gets me out of bed in the morning, y’know? Um…”

Ha, Galo was a pretty boring person, huh? Working out and gaming, not exactly the most interesting set of hobbies…

“Thank you for informing me, Master. What would you like done with Mistress’s old craft room?”

“Uhh, probably just pack it up. If none of my cousins want it, I’ll drop it by a thrift store or something. Maybe donate it to one of those places that does crafts with kids? I dunno, I’ll find somewhere to donate it.”

“Yes Master, thank you sir.”

“Anything else?” Galo asked. She sounded like she was done but it was better to ask.

“No, Master, thank you for indulging your servant.”

“Uh, hardly an indulgence, Nyla. It’s good for you to ask questions: I don’t know what you don’t know.”

Was that worded weird? It took Nyla a moment to process, it seemed, before she answered back, “Yes Master, I will continue to ask questions, Master.”

“Good girl, Nyla,” Galo said, giving her hair another scritch. “So, hey,” Galo wished he knew how to start sentences without making her stiffen, “does Lilah grow flowers, do you know?”

“Yes, Master, is there a kind you like?”

“Uh, lilies?”

“There are a number of lilies that can be brought into the house for you, Master.”

“Sweet. So this would actually be for Auntie Bethany’s funeral this Saturday, and I would need them in arrangements. Do you think Lilah could make flower arrangements, or would I be better off hiring a professional?”

“Lilah is very competent, Master, and has done well enough to please Mistress for the past few years. She can do a sample arrangement for you, Master, so you may see if her work is to your standards.”

“Sure! Have that be her job for tomorrow. Thanks. And, on the same subject: do you think Sasha would do okay making horderves for the funeral, or should I cater?”

Galo was careful to provide a second option. If he gave a “no” answer, that would make it more okay than telling Galo no unprompted. He was trying, trying his absolute best, to remain delicate here.

“Sasha is quite competent, Master, and I am certain would be relieved to have enough work to keep her so busy. May I know what you would like to serve, so I may order the materials?”

“Yes, but not tonight. I need to call the funeral place again tomorrow morning and get some suggestions. I’ll get that to you then?”

“Thank you, Master. You are generous, sir.”

Galo frowned. That wasn’t generous. It wasn’t anything worth mentioning. But he needed to be clever, redirect Nyla, not shut her down entirely.

“And thank you, Nyla. You’re being a big help.”

He watched her lips part, her chest expand with a breath and then hover, uncertain, but before she could figure out what to say they were interrupted by Greyson very quietly announcing, “Master, dinner is served.”

It was delicious, and this time, Galo asked Greyson to pass along his appreciation to Sasha. He couldn’t avoid her entirely, he knew, that wouldn’t make her any less scared of him, but he could keep things infrequent at the start. After dinner he took a quick jog around the property, amazed once again by the sheer vastness of the garden. Was it fair that only one person, and a little person at that, was in charge of maintaining all this? Galo had second thoughts about Nyla’s advice, but unless he saw Lilah being actively exhausted by the labor, he would follow Nyla’s direction for now. It would be important to show that he valued and trusted the things they said to him. Just not at the expense of anyone’s wellbeing, which he thought a fair compromise.

He looked at Auntie Bethany’s craft room, but was quickly overwhelmed and left. That was a lot of tiny drawers, a lot of baskets of fabric, a lot of embroidery hoops and pincushions and things Galo didn’t even know the names of. Movers. He’d have movers deal with… that.

The pile of weird, gaudy shit had grown even larger. Galo sifted through it, checking that it was indeed all awful, intolerable junk that he wanted gone, and it all was.

Nyla and Evan entered the foyer, each of them on a side of the fugliest imitation Greek statuette Galo had ever seen. Where had Auntie Bethany even kept that?

“Master Galo!” Nyla greeted when she saw him, after setting the statue down. Evan sank fluidly to his knees, head low, while Nyla approached him, hands clasped and smiling wide. “Do all the items present fail to meet your standards, Master?”

“Yeah, yeah they sure do. You guys are doing great,” Galo praised, slowly reaching out and patting Nyla on top of the head. She seemed to like that? He had no way of actually knowing, but he was pretty sure she enjoyed it. “Thanks, Evan, for all your help,” Galo said, approaching him. He extended his hand half-curiously and sure enough, when Evan raised his head he kissed Galo’s palm. Galo smiled at him, admittedly befuddled but, hey, of all the weird habits Auntie Bethany could have and likely did drill into them, this one wasn’t so bad. Carefully, he pat Evan’s head, but retracted his hand when the man went entirely rigid.

“I’ve had a long day,” Galo said, turning back to Nyla. “I’m turning in early. Night.”

“Goodnight, Master Galo,” Nyla and Evan chorused, perfectly in sync.

Galo did not see Nyla standing there, smile unmoving, eyes unblinking, hands clasped so tightly her knuckles turned white. Galo did not witness Evan slowly stand, and place his hand warmly on top of hers. Galo didn’t hear Evan lean in and whisper that Nyla would be alright, that with men it went faster, anyways. Galo did not hear Nyla press a kiss to Evan’s cheek and tell him that she would be fine, yes, and to tell the others that they were done for the day.

Galo did hear her knock on his door while he was pressing his fingers gently into the soil of his potted plant, befuddled by the moisture there, and he did see her enter, her hands smoothing down her apron before she folded them once again in front of her.

“Nyla?” Galo asked, his memories with Greyson the night before vividly returning, sickly aware that this was probably going to be round two. “Why aren’t you in your room?”

Nyla didn’t move, barely twitched, her smile relentless. She took longer to respond, that time, than she had since Galo had arrived. “I watered the plant earlier today, Master,” she blurted, for a certain value of blurted. It was probably blurting, for her.

“You, oh!” Galo turned back to it, cup of water still in his hand, unpoured. “Thank you, Nyla. I appreciate how attentive you are, but please don’t do that anymore.” Galo left the windowsill and placed the cup on the bedside table. He smiled at her, he wasn’t unhappy, he didn’t want her to feel like she’d messed up, he just wanted her to not do it anymore. “I like having something to take care of, okay? Watering my plant is part of my routine. It’s a responsibility I enjoy.”

“Yes Master, I apologize. I will do better, Master.”

“Thank you Nyla,” he said, approaching her very slowly. He wished he hadn’t taken his shirt off already, getting ready to shower. It made this encounter feel even more charged, and that wasn’t exactly something he wanted. “If that’s all, then why don’t you go ahead and go to your room?”

Nyla kept smiling at him, although now it definitely looked forced. “I am here to Attend, Master. My body is present and available for your service and ple--”

“No,” Galo cut her off, raising a hand between them. He was far from her face, but she flinched anyway. Galo took a deep breath. So much of him was screaming, he just wanted to send her away, maybe cry, maybe hit something. He wanted to storm down to the mortician and revive Auntie Bethany so he could strangle her with his own hands. But he needed to address this, as much as he absolutely hated it, because it clearly wasn’t going to go away on its own.

“Nyla,” Galo said, trying very hard to keep his voice even. “What do you mean when you say you’re here to ‘Attend’ me?”

“You may punish me, if you like, Master. Beat me or whip me or slice me as you see fit.”

“You haven’t done anything worth punishing, Nyla,” Galo said, gentle and firm as his nauseous voice could manage.

“If not punishment, then simply a reminder of my place, that I am subservient to you and you are always able to do anything you wish with me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Galo said, hating how this sounded like she was reciting something, like she’d been forced to memorize these words exactly. How could he stop playing into her script? What could he do to break this? But at the same time, he needed to know. He hadn’t known that Auntie Bethany would ‘remind them of their place,’ he hadn’t known that there was some sort of ritualistic punishment. It was almost as bad as--

“Then, of course, you may fuck me, Master. I am,” a hitch of breath that hit Galo like ice in the gut, “open, Master, and available to serve you however you wish.”

Galo reached out a hand and stopped himself, hovering near her cheek. Nyla didn’t like her face touched. He changed course and set his palm on top of her head, staring down at her with an ache inside him.

“I’m not going to rape you, Nyla. I promise, I swear to you.” He gently reached out his other hand and delicately pried her hands apart. She was gripping them hard enough to hide their shaking, but she trembled in his palm. “No more of this, alright? I don’t want you to, to Attend me. Any of you. No more coming to my room at night and offering things, okay?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Will you promise me, for all five of you?”

“Yes, Master. I promise, we will not come to your room at night or,” Nyla licked dry lips, “offer to Attend you any longer.”

“Thank you Nyla,” Galo said, rubbing a thumb over her pale hair. “Now go to bed, alright?”

“Yes Master,” Nyla whispered, and swaned away, light as a ghost.

Next

[wafflefries13]

The Consequences of Late Night Calls

Happy birthday to the world’s best blasty boy! 

This is the first fic I’ve written for tumblr, so let me know what you think!

Warnings: None, I think. Some cursing, some guy talks smack for a bit. 

Genre: Fluff

~~~~~~~~~~

The call shocked you out of a deep but impromptu sleep. You jerked up from the noise, a page of lecture notes sticking to your check. It fluttered back to the desk covered in its own mess of loose leaf documents, used textbooks that cost more than a weekend trip to Disney World, and a laptop missing three of its letter keys. 

You dragged your tongue against your teeth, trying to get rid of the cotton feel coating the inside of your mouth. Rubbing stars into your tired eyes, you wondered when exactly you had fallen asleep. Was it somewhere near memorizing the latin terminology for court rhetoric or around reading the case file and trial records you were going to be tested over on Monday? Deciding wondering was basically pointless, considering you had pretty  much forgotten all of it anyway, you pawed blindly around for your phone. 

“Hello?” You answered, eyes still closed, although it probably came out and more of a mumbled groan than anything else.  

“(Y/NNNNNNNNN)!” 

You pulled the phone away from your ear, wincing at the sudden loud noise. Blinking bleerally, you looked down at your phone. You had taken the caller ID picture a year ago, at a sorority Halloween party you barely remembered aside from the copious amounts of alcohol consumed followed by an ill-advised scavenger hunt that ended with a call to the police and the dean’s car somehow ending up in the agriculture department’s greenhouse crowded with Jack-O-lanterns. It was a profile shot of Bakugo Katsuki, his mouth opened in a mid-yell scowl, as was his standard expression, and eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. One hand extended to try and block the camera, the other clutching a brown bottle. He was wearing a fantasy barbarian king costume, chest bare to show off the taut muscles he worked so hard for all of high school to get. When he’d shown up in it, or, rather, when Kirishima had dragged him along in his own dragonborn costume, you couldn’t believe he still had it. You remembered sitting in your basement in 9th grade, pricking your fingers with a sewing needle as you and the rest of your newly formed D&D group, Bakugo and Kirishima included, spent way too much time and effort into creating your costumes. 

Rubbing at the bridge of your nose in a vain attempt to chase away the headache you could already feel forming, you brought the phone back to your ear. You could hear the low thump of bass heavy music in the background. 

“Hi, Suki,” You said, trying not to sound condescending, but it came out like that anyway. 

“Hey!” He said sharply. The rest of his reply was slurred smooth. “I told you not to call me that.” 

You smirked. “It’s cute.” 

“It’s embarrassing! ‘M not cute.” 

“No, you’re calling me at-” You pulled the phone away again to check the time. “Katsuki, it’s like two in the morning, what the hell?” 

You heard someone shout something on the other side of the line that Katsuki mumbled a reply to. To you he said, “Was thinking about you.” 

You felt yourself blush despite yourself. “You were thinking about me?” 

There was a clunk and a bump. You could imagine him falling against a wall and sliding down to sit until the room stopped spinning. “Yeah. I don’t like it.” 

You ignored the jab in your heart. “Well, thanks.” 

“It keeps happening. I’ll just be, like, doing stuff, and then I just think, ‘What would (Y/N) think of that?’ ‘I wonder what (Y/N)’s doing right now.’ ‘(Y/N) would know what to do now. She’s so smart. And her hands look so soft. And her eyes are so pretty.’” He was quiet for a second. “It’s annoying. I can’t stop thinking about you. And it’s worse when you’re here.” There was a shuffling as you heard him try to stand up then give up again. “Why aren’t you here? I want you here.” 

You were wide awake now. You clenched and unclenched your hand, trying to process the information your obviously drunk friend had just confessed. Your stomach churned in a mix of anticipation, anxiety, and straight up butterflies. 

What the hell did all of that mean? Well, of course you knew what it meant, or you knew what it meant when spoken by a sober person of sound mind and body. But there was no way, you tried to rationalize, that The Bakugo Katsuki, the guy you’d known since freshman year of high school when he’d punched a guy who had flipped up your uniform skirt on the first day, the guy who had surprised just about everyone in home economics when he busted out a three tiered cake like it was no one’s business, the guy whos ego was big enough to have its own gravitational pull, was confessing his feelings to you in a drunk rant at two in the morning. 

“Katsuki,” You said in a soft voice. “I-” 

There was a retching sound from the other end of the line. Katsuki coughed, tried to say something, then threw up again. “Aw, fuck.” 

That headache was back with avengence now. You sighed, looking for your keys. “Katsuki, where are you?” 

“Uhh, on campus? At the Kappa Alpha Betta Whatever house. There’s a party. Why aren’t you here?” 

“You know I hate all the Greek life bs. Stay where you are, okay? I’m coming to get you. You’re completely wasted.” 

“‘M not. I can handle what I drink.” There was another pause before he wretched again. 

“Did you just throw up again?” 

“...No.” 

“Cool. I’ll be there in ten.” 

You didn’t wait for him to respond before hanging it. You didn’t think your heart could take it if he kept going on like he had been. Grabbing your keys and heading out of your crowded studio apartment, you hopped in your car to go save your drunk friend from making any other ill advised decisions that night. 

You realized that you were probably over thinking the whole phone call as you drove through deserted streets. You couldn’t help it, it was a bad habit you had formed as a kid that now  made you obsess over court documents and testimonies in class. But now, instead of helping, it was picking you apart. What did Katsuki’s tone imply when he was talking to you just now? Could you trust the tone of an inebriated person? What did he mean when he said he thought about you a lot? You’d known each other for years now, being involved in almost all the same activities. Wouldn’t it be natural to think about someone you spent so much time with? But you’d known Kirishima for just as long, not to mention the rest of the self-named “Baku-Squad.” You’d never gotten a late night drunk call from any of them. Heck, Katsuki had known Izuku way longer than he had known you, and you were pretty dang sure Katsuki had never called him going on and on about how he always thought about him. 

Stopping at a red light, you pressed your forehead into the soft faux-leather of your steering wheel, willing your thoughts to calm down and just come to a rational conclusion already. Expect, you know, a rational conclusion that wasn’t that the guy you had carried a torch for for almost as long as you had known him might actually have feelings for you back. 

You turned on to the street lined with sororities and fraternities across from the main campus. You had to slam on your breaks almost immediately to avoid running over a tipsy, giggling co-ed who was stumbling out into the road. She didn’t even look up at you. 

You didn’t know exactly which house Katsuki was stranded at, considering you could see at least three different parties all going on at first glance. His “Kappa Alpha Betta Whatever” wasn’t very helpful, either, considering all the Greek letters adorning the houses blended together in your mind at some point. And you really didn’t want to tramp through a bunch of different houses tonight. 

Thankfully, you were saved the trouble when you saw Kirishima’s 1969 Chevrolet Chevelle park half off the curb in front of one of the houses. You’d know that car anywhere. Kirishima had dragged your group to various scrap yards and auto-repair stores all summer after he got his license, the first of you all to do so, in an effort to fix up the worn down Chevelle that he’d bought for a hundred bucks and a turkey sandwich. 

You parked on the other side of the street then jogged across to the house that was practically vibrating with heavy music and Greek life energy. Stepping over a semi-conscious frat boy laying in the doorway, you scanned around the house for any sign of Katsuki’s pomeranian-puff-ball hair. 

You spotted Denki lounging on a couch, a lampshade on his head and a tangle of phone chargers clutched in his fist. His hand sparked every now and then as he used his quirk to recharge the collection of phones. 

You lifted up the edge of the lampshade. “Hey there, Pikachu.” 

“Heeeeeey~” He said, giving you a thumbs up. You could already tell he was too far gone, although you didn’t know if it was from drinking or the over use of his quirk. 

“(Y/N)!” You heard a voice call behind you. A body fell heavily against your back. Sero wrapped his arms around you in a backwards hug. “Where you been? We missed you!” 

“Studying. I’m boring, remember? I’m looking for Katsuki, you seen him around?” 

Sero snickered. “Bakugo, huh? He’s been looking for you for a long time, right, Denki?” 

“Heeeeeey~” 

You swallowed hard. “And what’s that supposed to mean?” 

Sero snickered again, flopping on the couch next to Denki. “Can’t tell. Part of the bro code. And he said he’d kill me.” 

“That does sound like Katsuki.” 

Sero covered his eyes with his arm, head leaning back. With a wide smile, he waved his hand in the vague direction to the back door. “I think he’s out by the pool or something.” 

You waved bye. “Thanks, I’ll go check it out. You guys take care of yourselves, okay?” 

“Look at ‘em go,” Sero said to Denki as you left. “You think they’ll have a spring wedding?” 

“Heeeeeey~” 

*~~~~* 

You managed to weave your way through the crowd of bodies clogging the house to finally spill out into the back yard. You had no idea how people were able to stay this energized this late into the night with this many other people around. You remembered once being stuck at another party, early on in your college days. When it became super clear you didn’t want to be there, overwhelmed by the noise, the crush of bodies, and the suffocation of social enterprise, Katsuki had dragged Kirishima over to you, planting him in front of you as your ‘extrovert shield.’  He’d stayed with you behind the boisterous redhead for the rest of the night. 

You wondered if Katsuki remembered doing that, if he remembered any of the small nice gestures he did for you over the years. And now, with his call, with what Sero said, with your over analyzing brain, you were dissecting every interaction you could remember. Was the time he opened a door for you a signal? Was the reason he would ask to study with you for chemistry, when he was way better in practically every subject than you, just so he could be close to you? Were the times he had given you his jacket when you were cold meant to be a more intimate moment? 

God, you were going to go crazy. 

Walking around the pool, you finally spotted the hot-headed blond. He was sitting slouched over on the end of one of the reclining pool chairs, forearms braced on his knees.  You almost called out to him, stopping cold when you saw the girl behind him. She had draped herself over his back, chin rested in the crook of his neck, one had massaging his shoulder, the other conspicuously sneaking under the hem of his shirt to rub circles on his abs. 

You clenched and unclenched your hands, worry gnawing at you as a headache at the back of your skull. Had something changed between the time he had called you and now? Had there been nothing there to change at all? Had you been misreading this situation the whole time? 

Katsuki looked up, his permanently affixed scowl even deeper. The second his jewel-red eyes met yours, you felt your heart skip a beat. He jumped to his feet so fast the girl behind him fell back against the chair. He tried marching over to you, which was made only slightly less intimidating by the drunk sway to his step. 

You didn’t remember him being so tall. You’d just seen him this afternoon. There was a flushed blush across his face, adding a surprising softness. Were his arms always that strong looking? Were his eyes that piercing? Was his jaw that strong? 

“You came,” He said, voice rough as whiskey soaking into gravel. 

You spread your hands. “Well, you said my name three times, so, here I am!” You laughed nervously, trying to ignore how his gaze pinned you down. 

He took another step towards you, hand reading up. “(Y/N), I-” 

His cheeks turned from pink to green. Lurching to the side, he vomited into the pool. You tried to help him back up, hunched over and trying to catch his breath. The crowd of people around you groaned in disgust before rolling in to sarcastic applause. Katsuki flipped them off. 

“Alright, Suki,” You said, rubbing his back. “Let’s get you back home.” 

He grumbled, leaning his full weight against you. You almost stumbled and fell with the sudden shift of balance. Katsuki slid his arm around your waist, hand firmly grasping your hip, as if he was the one trying to prevent you from a drunken stumble. His fingers felt like fire through your clothes. 

You decided to go around the house instead of trying to push your way through it. Soon you were making your way across the street. It took some maneuvering to unlock and open the passenger door. You practically dropped Katsuki in where his head fell back with a groan. You grabbed his seat belt and stretched across him to fasten it. It wasn’t until he started petting your hair that your realized your position of half-way laying across his lap. You jerked back, some of your hair getting caught in his fingers. He made a disappointed sound at the loss of it. 

You slid back into the driver's seat, trembling hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. You had to take a few steadying breaths before you were ready to start the car. Pulling out of the neighborhood, you glanced over at Katsuki. His eye brows were furrowed, eyes closed, mouth pulled in a small frown. 

God, he looked adorable. 

You hit the break harder than you meant to at the light. Adorable? Where the hell did that thought come from? He’d probably be furious if he knew you ever thought that. 

But…

You risked another look at him. When he let his face relax like this, you could see the slight chub that still clung to his cheeks. Another thing he would hate to know that you thought was how much you loved the softness that it leant him. It was cute. 

Almost without your realizing it, you lifted your hand. You were overcome with the sudden urge to poke his cheek. A car horn blared behind you when your finger was less than an inch from his face. You let out an undignified squeak, hands slamming back to the wheel. Katsuki grumbled and turned in the seat, head resting against the window. You could feel the blush burning up your face. 

A few minutes later, you pulled back to the apartment complex. You both lived in the same building, Katsuki directly below your own unit. And now you were overthinking his reason for not living on campus. 

When you opened the passenger door, Katsuki almost fell out. You jerked forward to catch him then dragged him out. He half woke up, as feeble on his legs as a newborn horse. 

You lugged him through the lobby. He was muttering under his breath, but most of the words you could make out were curses. Not unusual for him. You pressed the button for the elevator repeatedly. It just blinked back at you. You sighed in frustration. They had been doing maintenance on your building all week, but now might have been the absolute worst time to do the elevator. 

You shook Katsuki’s shoulder a little bit. His head jostled like a bobble-head. “Suki, I’m gonna need your help here for a minute.” 

His head lolled forward, forehead coming down to press to yours. In a quiet voice, he whispered, “I’d do anything for you.” 

You shoved him upright, face burning. “Then walk up the damn stairs yourself!” 

Despite that, you still ended up half-carrying him up four flights of stairs. You were uncomfortably sweaty when you reached the door to Katsuki’s apartment. The two of you had traded copies of your apartment keys when you had moved in. “In case something happens to your dumb ass and I need to come save you,” He had said. He would frequently stop by, usually when you were hours deep into an all-nighter. He’d bring his laptop and work on whatever 12 page essay way due on your bed while you poured over case reports. You’d sit in silence, just together, sharing the same space, content with nothing more than knowing the other was nearby. Or he’d bring you real food to make sure you weren’t just eating ramen all the time. In turn, you’d pull him out for game night with the squad, make sure he’d actually call his mother once in a while, and lend an ear to his semi-nightly rants on whoever he decided to hate that night. 

You fumbled with the keys, jamming the key in the lock then pushing it open with your shoulder that wasn’t currently occupied by a half-asleep, full-drunk boy who had at least 50 pounds and ten inches on you. 

There was always an expectation with the rooms of single college boys. Greasy pizza boxes, empty bottles of booze displayed like expensive decor, at least one poster of a half-naked girl somewhere, probably a basket of clothes that should have been washed weeks ago. And while you knew plenty of guys who fit that description, Katsuki defied expectation. His apartment was always immaculate. His shoes were lined neatly by the door, a calendar above his desk  color-coded with assignment due dates, bed made. Katsuki may give off the persona of a punk, but you knew he was a straight-laced nerd through and through.  

With the last of your strength, you lugged him across the room, dropping him on his bed. With a groan, you stretched your arms up until you heard a satisfying pop in your back. Hands on your hips, you watched as Katsuki moaned, burying his face in his pillow and pulling his feet up from the floor. You sat on the end of the bed, tugging his feet to you to unlace his shoes. You let them fall haphazardly to the floor, too tired to care about his level of neatness.  

You grabbed a bucket from his hall closet, putting it next to the head of his bed for when he inevitably woke up vomiting in the morning. Checking his bathroom, you put a couple of painkillers and a glass of water on the nightstand with a post-it note saying “Drink Me.” 

Brushing your hands off, you looked around and checked your work. Satisfied that he wouldn’t kill himself between now and when you would inevitably check on him in the morning, you decided it was finally time to head back upstairs and get some well deserved sleep. 

But… 

You turned back at the door. Katsuki was splayed like a starfish, gently snoring with his mouth wide open. You also noticed his blushing red fluffy cheeks. 

You tapped the door knob a few times before sighing in surrender to temptation and turnin back. You knelt down next to the bed. For a moment, you just watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful now. You reached out. Your index finger sunk into his cheek like it was a marshmallow. You couldn’t believe you had never done this before. God, he really was adorable. 

Your thoughts were abruptly cut off as Katsuki’s hand shot up and grabbed your wrist with an iron grip. With a shriek, you tried to scramble backwards. Katsuki lazily opened his eyes, not at all bothered by your struggles. With seemingly no effort on his part, he tugged you forward. Off balance, you fell into his chest. Katsuki wrapped his arms around you in a bear hug, slinging a leg over yours, trapping you on the bed. 

“Katsuki!” You hissed. You squirmed in his hold, not getting any extra room. He just hummed, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. You were pretty sure your face was hot enough to start a fire. “Katsuki, let me go!” 

“No,” He mumbled. His voice rumbled against your skin sending shivers through your whole body. 

“Katsuki!” 

“You can’t leave. If you leave, you won’t come back.” 

You stopped struggling. “What are you talking about?” 

He squeezed you tighter. “I’m loud. I get angry real easy. I fight a lot. And you…” He trailed off, his breath catching and rattling in his chest. “You’re so much better than me. You’re nice and smart and talented and pretty and caring and… and…” You could feel the hot tears landing on your skin. He was starting to shake. His grip had loosened enough for you to get out, but instead you brought your arms up and pulled him in closer. “If I let you go, you’ll see how much better you are than me. And you’ll leave. You’ll leave me because you’re better and you deserve so much better. But I’m a selfish bastard and I just want you for myself because I love you so damn much.” 

Your heart dropped into your stomach. You wiggled your hand up, threading your hand into his hair and tilting his head to look up at you. 

“I love you too,” You said softly. “And I’m not going anywhere.” 

Katsuki crushed you to his chest, letting out another loud sob. You could feel hot tears pressing against your eyes. You had no idea Katsuki felt this way about anything; about you, about himself, about your relationship. 

But one thing you knew for sure: You loved Bakugo Katsuki. 

~~~

The first thing Katsuki noticed when he woke up was the head ache. His head felt like he had a railroad spike jammed through his temples. God, what did he do last night? There was the party at Kappa Alpha Betta Whatever house. It’d been fine for a while, hanging out with the guys, playing beer pong, winning some extra cash from freshman in poker (where did he put that money anyway?). And then…

And then someone had said your name. He’d heard it across the room, an amazing feat in and of itself, but his ears were trained for any news of you. He’d jerked up right when he heard it, missing his shot at the beer pong table. He gladly took his drink and went prowling through the house. Who had said your name? Were you here? Were you coming?  

It might have been selfish, he knew how much you hated loud crowds, but damn it, he wanted you here. He remembered the last Greek life party you had been at. He’d lost you at some point between getting into an argument with that damn Deku and pulling Denki down from a keg stand. He’d finally found you huddled into some back corner, looking like a rabbit about to dart from a hungry fox (he wouldn’t mind being that fox, honestly, he could eat you right up.) You’d lost the color in your face, hands shaking as you clutched your red Solo cup almost hard enough for your nails to pierce the plastic. 

He snatched Kirishima by his collar as he carved a path through the room. He planted the extroverted red-head in front of you, creating an extrovert shield between himself and the love of his life you. He’d spent the rest of the night talking to you. Nothing special, he couldn’t even really remember what about. But he did remember the relaxed slope of your shoulders, the spark in your eyes, the smile that played on your lips at whatever lame joke he had just made. 

Back in the present (or last night, whatever), he was still stalking through the halls looking for whoever had mentioned you. He heard it again, the tail end of your name, coming from the living room. 

“-(/N) never had it so good.” There he was, lounging along the bottom stairs with a smug look on his face as he regaled the small crowd he had attracted. Katsuki recognized him as one of those legacy kids, the one who showed up to the first day of orientation in a sleek black Bugatti and took up three parking spaces, talked in almost every one of his classes when he even bothered to show up, and was, without a doubt at every party on or off campus. 

And now he was telling a story about you. What were you ever doing with an asshole like him? 

“You would never guess it from how she dresses, you know,” The guy continued, lazily waving his half-empty beer bottle. “But she is stacked.” 

Katsuki tensed up, his heart jumping into his throat. He pushed aside the crowd until he stood right in front of the bragger on the stairs. “What did you just say?” He asked through clenched teeth. “You're talking about (Y/N) (L/N), right?” 

He lazily swept his gaze up, grinning wide when he saw Katsuki. “Yeah, (Y/N)? You know, she comes across as a frigid bitch, but let me tell you, she’s an incredible lay.” Katsuki’s vision went red. The crowd started to subtly shuffle away, feeling the cold change in atmosphere. “Not much besides that, honestly. Thank god her tits and ass are amazing, cause her face sure wasn’t doing it for me. Super boring, too, heard she’s failing her classes. Oh, well. Hey, I could use a side-piece when I’m running my own firm, you know?” 

The asshole never saw it coming. In the span of a heart beat, Katsuki had grabbed his designer jacket and hoisted him off the stairs, pinning him to the wall so his feet kicked to try and reach the ground. 

“You listen to me, asshole,” Katsuki hissed. “You never talk about (Y/N) again. You never look at her, you never talk to your shit-stain friends about her, you sure as fuck never tell another lie about her, or so help me, you’ll get to find out what color your liver is.” 

Katsuki was half-way sure the jerk had pissed his pants. He dropped him in a heap, landing in the puddle of spilled beer on the floor. He brushed his hand off on his jeans, eager to get whatever germs the gossip had off him.  

He was almost out of ear shot when he heard the rich kid spit and say, “Fine. She’s probably crawling with it if you’re dicking her down.” 

The kid’s head made a dent in the wall as he richoched back from the impact of Katsuki’s punch. He would easily have a black eye and a broken nose, the chipped tooth would just be a  bonus. 

Katsuki’s head was fuzzy with rage, stalked through the house, bee-lining it to the nearest source of inebriation. How dare he? How fucking dare that absolute ass-wipe ever even think of saying such horrible things about you? He wasn’t even worth knowing your name, much less saying it. Not to mention the fact he must be blind to think you were anything less than stunning. Ever since he had known you, you had been nothing but kind and smart and caring and funny and…

“Baku-bro, you doing okay?” 

Katsuki didn’t realize how tight he was holding his fists until he relaxed. His nails had made half-moon indents in his palms, his knuckles brushed red from the punch. 

Kirishima had his mouth pulled down in that stupid puppy dog pout. “I’m fine,” Katsuki brushed him off. He grabbed a beer out of an iced cooler, twisting off the cap in a single motion and chugging half the bottle. 

“Well, that’s good, cause I don’t think Tim Flood is making it out of here without a few stitches.” 

“Good.” Katsuki finished the beer and chucked it into a recycle bin. He grabbed another and stalked out of the room. Everything felt too hot, too tight. His head was pounding. If you were here, you’d get a bag of ice and press it against his forehead. You’d probably call him an idiot for getting into another fight, that he needed to learn how to manage his temper better. He’d call you a dumbass but let you lead him away somewhere dark and quiet, away from all the other more insufferable dumbasses. You’d find some pain killers, get him some water, because that’s just the kind of caring person you were. Maybe you’d bring him upstairs, lead him to an unoccupied bedroom. The two of you would sit together on the bed, maybe just a little too close. You’d hand him the water, his hand would brush against yours. You’d look down, shy, blushing cutely. He’d lean forward, thread his hand through your incredibly soft hair, angle your face up to him. Your plush lips would part slightly and he’d lean forward and - 

“Are you sure you’re good?” Kirishima asked, abruptly cutting off Katsuki’s impromptu fantasy. “Cause you don’t look so good.” Katsuki bit his tongue. “Is it because of what that guy said about (Y/N)?” Katsuki whipped around, glaring daggers. Kirishima smiled and put his hands up in mock surrender. “Hey, bro, it’s okay! No one believed him, anyway.” 

Katsuki scoffed, taking a swig of the beer. “(Y/N)’s too good for him anyway.” 

“I bet you think (Y/N)’s too good for everyone here, right?” 

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“It means you need to hurry up and tell (Y/N) you like her!” Sero shouted, jumping in out of nowhere. 

Katsuki dropped his bottle, Kirishima catching it just in time, and grabbed Sero by the front of his shirt and lifted him up. Sero just grinned his stupid, wide grin. 

“Come on, Katsuki,” Denki said, slinging an arm around Katsuki’s shoulders. “We all know you’ve had a thing for (Y/N) since high school. Why don’t you just put us all out of our misery and tell her already?!” 

Katsuki felt his face heat up. “I don’t- I haven’t - Fuck you!”  Katsuki couldn’t remember why he was friends with these three idiots as they all burst out into laughter.

 He snatched his bottle back and pushed through the crowd. He needed some air. He heard Sero yell after him, “You have to tell her eventually!” 

And… That was mostly it. Katsuki’s memories of last night sort of started to trail off after that. He knew that he drank, he drank a lot. At some point he ended up by the pool. And maybe he’d called someone? Oh, hell, he hoped he hadn’t called someone. 

His eyes snapped open at the soft groan. There you were, just inches away from his face, fast asleep and tucked in his arms. You were pressed close, breasts pushing against his chest, legs tangled with his, one hand clutching his shirt. Your lips were parted ever so slightly, breathing heavy and even. 

And you were so fucking close. 

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. His arms tightened around you and he tensed. How the hell did this happen? Did you actually come to the party last night? When, and why? What had called you down there-? 

Oh. Oh, the call! He had called you last night? Some time in his drunken haze he must have figured out to bypass the timed lock he had put on it specifically to avoid calling people with a too-honest tongue. But had you…?  Nervously, he looked down. He sighed in relief. You were both still dressed. At least that was one mistake he knew he hadn’t made. 

Alright, that was one problem. Now, on to the next one: How was he going to get out of here without waking you up? Craning his head around, he checked out the room. Wait, this was his room. He was in his apartment! A picture of last night started to form in his mind. He’d called you, blabbering God knows what, and then you’d been a good person (why were you such a good person?) and had come to get him, to make sure he was okay. And then what? He’d somehow seduced you into his bed? No, it was more likely you had stayed to make sure he didn’t choke on his own vomit, maybe sat on the bed because it was the middle of the night and you were exhausted, and then… This. 

Okay, okay, no, this was fine, he could fix this. He could slip out, let you keep sleeping. He’d make some breakfast in the kitchen and then you’d wake up, wander in rubbing the sleep from your eyes in that cute way you did when you pulled an all-nighter studying. He’d chastise you for lugging his drunk ass up here, for being out so late at night. You’d wave him off, compliment his cooking, tell him to take better care of himself, and then smile up at him with that blindingly beautiful smile and sparkling eyes. 

“Morning.” Katsuki yelped at your greeting. He stared, wide-eyed, down at you, as you look back up at him lazily with those sparkling eyes. “It’s kinda hard to breathe here.” He realized then just how tight he was holding you. He jerked backward, his shout of surprise cut off as he fell off the bed. He rubbed his sore hip, looking up when he heard your giggle. You were leaning over the bed, smiling shyly when he caught you staring. 

He gulped hard, feeling his face burning up. “Hi.” 

You tucked a loose threat of hair behind your ear. “Hi.” 

He should say something. He needed to say something. God, why wasn’t he saying something? 

“I-“ Katsuki stopped with an incomplete thought in his mouth. He suddenly felt uncomfortably hot, his stomach clenching and throat going dry. Your face dropped as you lunged forward, dragging a bucket in front of him (where did that even come from?). He surged forward, clenching the sides of the bucket in a white knuckled grip, and threw up. 

You slid off the bed and knelt next to him. You rubbed small circles in his back, whispering small comforts as he coughed up bile and alcohol and who knows what else. You reached over behind him and grabbed a glass of water from his nightstand. 

“Here,” You said. “Rinse and spit. Don’t swallow or gargle, it’ll just mess with your gag reflex.” Rubbing the spike of pain growing in his forehead, he did what you said. When he caught his breath, he accepted the pain killers you had and dry swallowed them. You really had prepared for everything, huh? 

Katsuki shoved the bucket away with his foot, leaning back against the bed. “Fuck…” 

You hummed in response and scooted to sit next to him. “So,” You said. 

“So,” He said back. 

“I don’t suppose you remember much from last night?” 

He clenched his jaw, mouth going dryer than it already was, if that was possible. He tried to laugh, but it sounded forced and strained, even to him. “Hey, we’re both still wearing pants, right?” You didn’t laugh back. 

“So that’s a no then?” The seriousness with which you said that made him pause. 

“I, uh, think I called you?” 

“MmHmm. You didn’t sound too great, so I came to pull you out.” 

“Huh. Thanks for that.” 

“Yup.” You paused for a second. “Do you remember… anything else you said?” 

Fuck. 

“Uhh, I owe you breakfast?” 

You looked away. “Is there anything you maybe told Sero that you wouldn’t want him to tell me?” 

Double fuck. 

“If this is about Halloween last year, Mina was the one who brought the Ouija board.” He smirked at you, waiting for you to laugh with him. Instead you didn’t even look up, staring a hole in the carpet with the intensity of your gaze. 

You let out a sigh through your nose, pushing off your knees to stand. “I’m gonna head out,” You said, rubbing the back of your head and still not looking at him. 

Katsuki jumped up, immediately regretting as his head began swimming. “(Y/N), wait-“ He cut himself off with another surge of nausea and lurched towards the bucket. 

“Katsuki,” You said, sounding frustrated. “Look, I…” You sighed, running a hand through your hair and turning back to him. “We’ve known each other for a long time now, right? And for all the time I’ve known you, you’ve been stubborn and pig-headed and aggressive and just, you know, you. But still, in all that time, despite everything, I still…” You pressed your lips, looking for the right words. “I’m happy when I’m around you, Katsuki. I feel at ease, I feel protected, I feel like I can be better at anything. And I’ve thought about this a lot, so much that it makes my head spin and my heart hurt, but through all the trouble I still think it’s worth it. Because at the end of the day it means I still get to be with you and sometimes I just feel like that’s enough, but now I…” Your lip was trembling, tears gathering at the corners of your eyes. Katsuki wanted nothing more than to take a big step forward and wrap you in the biggest, tightest hug of your life. Finally, you sighed in defeat. “But if you can’t say it, if the One and Only Katsuki Bakugo can’t say it, then how the hell can I?” 

Your voice broke on the last word. Katsuki was so stunned and suddenly pinned with guilt that he couldn’t move when you spun on your heels and rushed out of his apartment. 

Oh, fuck. 

~~~

“Idiot,” You murmured to yourself as you fled up the apartment stairs, furiously wiping at your eyes to get rid of the oncoming tears. “Idiot, idiot, idiot.” By the time you reached your apartment and slammed the door behind you, you weren’t sure if you were talking about Katsuki or yourself. 

You felt sick. Anxiety gnawed at your mind like a starving coyote. Had you really just confessed your feelings to Katsuki? Had you really just confessed your feelings to Katsuki like that? Would he ever speak to you again? Would things just become too awkward that you’d be edged out of your friend group? They had known Katsuki much longer than they had known you, after all. God, what if he was calling Kirishima right now and telling him about the disaster of a morning, after you had taken advantage of his blitz out state and slept in the same bed with him? 

Well, no. Kirishima was probably still knocked  out from his own night of heavy imbibing. Not to mention that even he, the most kind-hearted and patient person you knew, would have to draw a line at listening to Katsuki rant while dealing with a massive hangover. 

And no, Katsuki wouldn’t do that to you. Despite his rough deminor, his abrasive personality, and his profane tongue, Katsuki was actually a sweetheart deep down. Maybe really deep down, but still. He wouldn’t be so intentionally cruel, even if you told him that you shared all of his baby pictures of him playing in his All Might onesie online. 

So then why were you still huddled on a heap on the floor, back pressed against the front door, crying? Why was this pit of loneliness blooming in your chest?  

You yelped at the sudden banging on the door. Who could be here so early in the morning? You had paid rent this month, right? You sniffed, rubbing your eyes and smoothing out your clothes. You hoped your cheeks weren’t the blotchy red they got whenever you were upset. You took a deep breath to steady your voice for whoever was outside. 

Opening the door, you looked up at a wide-eyed Katsuki, panting hard with determination set on his face. You groaned internally. 

“Katsuki,” You began,” About what I said, I’m sorr-” 

Without waiting for you to finish, Katsuki surged forward. You tried to take a step backward, almost falling, but he caught you, a strong grip on your shoulders. Without waiting for you to get your bearings, Katsuki leaned in, smashing his lips against yours. 

It wasn’t a graceful kiss, all clashing teeth and urgency rather than romance. His eyes were screwed closed. He stayed pressed against you, not moving, grip so tight on your upper arms you thought there might be a mark later. 

Just as suddenly as he had come forward, he jerked back, but kept his hold on you. You both breathed heavily, eyes locked. Your mind whirled, a hundred voices shouting at the same time. For once, you decided to ignore them and let your body do what it wanted. 

You reached up, wrapping your arms around Katsuki’s neck and pulled him back in. This kiss was controlled, soft and sweet. His hands dropped from your shoulders to wrap around your waist. He pressed in harder, adding desperation in the kiss, as if he thought you would vanish any second. When you both pulled away this time, he leaned his forehead against yours, noses bumping into each other, sharing the same breath. 

His voice was rough. “Sorry,” He said. “I had to brush my teeth first.”

[imaginedcreaderinsert]

Reader and her boyfriend get into an argument at the tower and he hits her? Dick is furious because he’s in love with her but the reader is just embarrassed?

Thanks for the request and I’m so sorry it took so long! But alas, here it is. I really wanted to write this one, as well as some other I have pending, but I just couldn’t find the words. I’m not 100% satisfied with this one (there’s no lemoney or anything unu), but I think I made my point across towards the important thing of this relationship. Don’t stay in one where physical abuse is condoned!

SUMMARY: As stated by ask, thought I think I took some liberties, Reader has been a Vigilante for some time in California, all on her own. The Titans arrive, and both join forces: Dick and Reader click specially well together, but to his demise, she is already in a relationship. A happy one? He cannot really say, specially when the red flags start to arise and a surprising discovery comes up.

WORD COUNT: 4780

TW: Swearing and past mentions of physical abuse in a relationship. It’s not hardcore, as always I try to make it somewhat vague, but I thought I should let my readers know. Oh, and warning, I THINK, Dick in this one is somewhat OOC. I think it might be due to my lack of sleep, but just beware.

Please don’t give it up — Dick Grayson x Reader

They all dealt with their own human affairs in the best fashion that they knew. The secret identities were given; it was something that no one was supposed to share unless absolutely necessary (which hadn’t been the case yet), and thus the exertion of powers was forbidden (unless, again, of absolute necessity). No one got into no one’s business, and as hard as it was becoming, Dick himself made that rule after having Kori meddled into his own private relationships. So now he couldn’t come between (Y/N) and his stupid human boyfriend, as much as he wanted to. It was stupid anyways – as much people liked him in, he was definitively not supposed to be there.

           But he should start from the beginning. (Y/N) had joined the group a little after the Titans had settled themselves down on the Tower. She had already been a Vigilante in San Francisco; thus “they” were the ones entering her territory. She worked the city alone, and as such received the help without resentment or suspicions. After all, all she wanted to do was keep safe as much as anyone else. It was her home after all. As a lonely vigilante (Y/N) tended to go on her own, and maybe that’s why she had such a crazy magnetism to Dick. She never spoke too much of anything unless questioned, she was intelligent and clearly knew everything she talked about. In that sense she was a bit like Tim: definitely not the star or talker of the room, but the most intelligent by far. She had started to join forces with the Titans before her official joining months before their first crisis on the city: massive bombings, attacks on civilian areas. It was pure terror, specially in the famous Golden Gate Bridge (who would have said they would be JUST like those superheroes in movies?). That was, if Dick remembers correctly, the first time he saved (Y/N)’s boyfriend. Now he wishes he would have just let his car sunk in the bottom of the ocean.

           The crisis had made them both coordinate; she had taken care of a certain area of the city all by herself (she had been backed up after with the help of the Titans, reluctantly he must said), while his group and some more had taken care of the other. They had been a good team, good leaders. (Y/N) accepted her place within them, as one more but always above everyone else. Dick and everyone else thought something would flourish between them that same night, when they got tipsy and drunk celebrating the latest addition: they had been a bit touchy, jabbing each other with witty jokes and comebacks, until… She had just excused herself, saying she had to go back to her own apartment. He perfectly remembers the conversation and the silence following it:

           “You know the Tower is just your home as much as-“

           “Yeah, no, absolutely. You’re the sweetest. Seriously, I just have to go check on somebody after the crazy day. And I should definitively feed my dog.”

           “Oh yeah? I had one too back in Gotham. Well, half. Ace was never really mine.”

           “Really? I’m sure he misses you. I would.” And yes, she must have been flirting; the rest of the Titans had given them space, moving towards the windows while they appeared to be exiting. Her small and hot hand had paused on his chest, maybe just trying to keep stable. “Byron is always like crazy when I get home. I really hope Daryl has taken him today to the vet, though. Ugh, who knows, he told me-“

           “I’m assuming Byron is your dog and Daryl your br-?”

           “Boyfriend, yeah. We’ve been now some time.”

           At that point they had been at the elevator, she almost in and him in a “suave” manner leaning into the iron of the doors so that the conversation could go in a little bit more. But he almost stumbled into it as soon as she said that: and everyone else could, seeing as there was a bit of a silence and after some not-so-glamorous half-laughing half-choking sounds from Wally.

           And that had been one of their last nights alone. At least for some time, seeing as Dick thought it would be just a momentary infatuation, a bit of a crush. Something temporary based solely on lust, seeing as he knew little to nothing on her. She was secretive still, quiet, as commandeering as she could be at times. She was an enigma that Dick liked to detangle and know more than he would admit to himself. It had taken months for him to finally acknowledge that what he felt was definitively something more meaningful that a simple crush or shallow sexual desire.

           That’s when he knew he was fucked.

           …

           “Oh, no, no, he is currently working at the San Francisco Chronicle. Yeah, he’s a photographer. Would you mind if maybe we… Posed sometime for him? Or gave him something exclusive? I mean, I would do it myself but he knows me too well. He would know it’s me.” Dick, Wally and her had been sparring for a bit. More concretely, she and Wally had been. He was correcting both of them from aside, seeing as it had become increasingly difficult to talk without actually falling for her. Wally honestly felt bad for him.

           “What do you mean? Haven’t you-? Does he know?”. Wally was probably the only one with a stable healthy relationship. Linda knew. They were perfect. Everyone knew they would get married, and that’s why Dick had backed off, thinking that was the case for (Y/N) and the nameless perfect boyfriend he had pictures in his own mind.

           “No! No, fuck, no. Daryl is… Difficult, to say the least. He thinks I’m working at some crappy editorial. He’s a bit protective. And a bit of an asshole.” It sounds slightly bitter, added in the last second, improvised. Like she didn’t mean to say it. Her eyes cross his, and she quickly averts it, going back to Wally’s. “We’ve been together for years, but it’s not the type of thing I would tell him”

           “Yes, I know. It’s the type of thing you tell to a stupid bunch of teenage kids with delirious dreams of sweet greatness and-OUCH. That hurts!”

           “Keep your head on the game, West.”

           He gains hope. That small breach he has caught you on, after some months half-ignoring you half putting distance between you both, he thinks he may be able to fill. He can be the glue. He will try, as douchey as it can sound.

           …

           “You are insufferable, Dick Grayson!”. She shouts, as they enter the kitchen. She is using a small towel to take off the sweat from her forehead. Wally had been more of a tutorial in comparison with Dick’s force. He had full on challenged her. “So smug, fuck… And now I have to go back home like this. I hate you.”

           “Can’t help it. You like to be riled up”. He is bold. Wally chokes on his water, and quickly excuses himself, probably knowing which way he was trying to take things to. And he definitively was not good at hiding emotions.

           “Oh, come on, like you don’t like to be defied and challenged. You have a huge masochistic streak, Grayson”.

           YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW, he screams inside his own head, smiling just a bit, in that way that makes her roll her eyes off. Even if she claims some kind of rush when saying she has to go, he can see she doesn’t want to. Her arms rest on the kitchen counter, cool marble that has her face in pure bliss, and her legs, he imagines, are jelly. She should just-

           “Why don’t you take a shower at the Tower stay? Or… At the very least I can call you a taxi.”

           “I don’t have clothes here, and it’s fine. I’m not spending much time at home anyways; I think it will be good…” There’s a small silence, where he thinks he might have fucked it up. Did it sound too forward? Could he ask how things were with the famous boyfriend? No, that was probably too petty, too jealous-“… But I won’t say no to the taxi. Just today, though.”

           “Sure. Let me call it up.”

           …

           That brings the problems.

           “I’m sorry, I will be back in a second. It’s urgent.” They were in the middle of a debriefing. Patrols for the week, which she takes more seriously than anyone – but the mobile had started vibrating like crazy, even she had it on silence. Apparently, that one contact was special and overruled every control and silent tone. Dick could only imagine who it was. “Just continue.”

           She takes it up, and her voice changes immediately: sweet, cheerful, giggly. Even as he continues talking, Dick can hear her feet on their way to the lounge, as far as possible. Is it that private? He can’t get distracted as he is giving out missions, but her tone makes all of them stop, stare at the door where (Y/N) is elevating her voice. Dick shushes the Titans up like a bunch of kids with the latest gossip and orders them to stay, as he gets out of the room towards her.

           “No! What the fuck is your problem, D.?”. Ouch. She had been using the same name with him in their latest sparring session. That fucking hurts. “No! Of course I’m not, how-! No, oh my God, if I have to repeat myself one more time, Daryl! I’m not cheating on you!”

           There’s a deafening silence, a small dance of victory in his own head. He knows he should be taking it more seriously (they might break up and he knows she loves him), but he can’t help but take this small point from Daryl’s ghostly presence whenever they talk and he gets brought up.

           “A friend, Daryl. He got me the taxi because I was tired, I had been at the gym, I told you! Fuck, you never listen to me. And after that I even had to take Byron out, even when you promised-“. She gets cut off, again. It’s annoying really, and she sighs, loudly and exasperatedly. “Listen, if you are just going to shout like a fucking caveman be my guest, but I’m not listening to anymore of this bullshit”.

           “(Y/N)!”. He shouts so loud from the phone he can even hear it. Then she hangs up and lets herself drop on the sofas. She looks tired; his smug and hopeful detective abilities tell him, shout him, it’s because this is not the first time you’ve had that conversation, at that level of heat or shouts. Has his name been brought up at any point? He feels really like a small kid, wishing for little and petty things like that towards her.

           “Eavesdropping is not very nice, Grayson. Care to come in or are you going to make me stand up?”. She asks, sarcastic as ever and inviting him to sit in the place next to her, patting the velvet slowly of the furniture. “Just come in. And don’t say anything. Just hug me.”

           He complies.

           …

           They have been flirting a bit more this time. (Y/N) is not sleeping there anymore, and from what Dick knows, they talk everyday for a couple of minutes, in an almost muttering tone, sometimes with too many silences and too many breaks on both behalves He wishes he could feel bad for her, she is suffering a bit after all, but every time they laugh together and she punches his arm, jokingly, he thinks he makes her forget about it.

           Until that happens.

           It’s a shooting in one of the top-rated working areas of San Francisco, where a lot of offices are conglomerated together. It is a panic. The fact that they have to deal with human weapons, rather than with some random and new alien race, makes it easier to control, but nonetheless it’s hard to see the blood, get in the midst of the terrorists. Especially when they get into the Chronicle’s tower where (Y/N)’s boyfriend is working at that same morning. None of them had truly made bonds with the city or its inhabitants, but she has been raised there. It’s her home. Without thinking, not too much, she gets midst of the flames, with all the smoke and possibility of collapse when Daryl tells her that he is still inside, trapped with some colleagues. There’s no time to do anything other than follow her; Wally helps, but he is the only one save (Y/N) and Dick to enter the building, save the civilians left inside and… Fuck, her boyfriend who immediately recognizes her. It was not too difficult, to be honest, especially when they know each other so well and with half a mask broken (bullets, fire, desperate attempts to get there as fast as possible).

           It’s a week after that and no one knows a thing about them. (Y/N) has completely disappeared from the tower, and save the occasional “I’m okay” texts he sends to Dick, just so that he can sleep, no one knows what’s going on… Until she appears in front of the doors of the Tower with him by her side. It sickens Dick to the pit of his stomach.

           …

           They are mostly staying there. He goes back for Byron, for work, for meeting some friends, but he waltzes around the Tower like he is one of them, when he isn’t. When he voices his concerns, he is met with protests and mumbles of him being too grumpy, too attached to the rules. He is not! But it is supposed to be top secrecy, and there they have a civilian who is… Too touchy for his own like. For anyone’s, really. Dick is not comfortable at his own home and that (Y/N) starts to notice. They still spar, talk until late, but it weird to have Daryl always gazing directly at him: he is sure, he knows. But he never says a thing, and thus it is… Okay. Until it stops being and the red flags appear. The incredible rage within Dick Grayson wakens.

           “You are just so controlling! All the time!”. She shouts. There’s no one else at that hour in the tower. It’s way too early, and his early-birds are already on patrol outside. “You don’t-can’t control me! Okay?! This was MY thing even before you knew about it! Nothing has ever happened to me, fuck, and if it were to happen-“

           “You are a woman, (Y/N). Biology-“

           “Oh my God. If you are going there Daryl Lane-“

           “But it is true! It’s just-!”

           “No, shut up or I’m going to punch you, I swear on everything!”

           Things are silent after that, but there’s an obvious tension on the room until he decides to leave, in a rush. Dick hides in the shadows, at a corner, hoping he won’t see in time, but he is too blinded by rage. He turns around, hoping maybe she will come to him. But he doesn’t know (Y/N) at all. She won’t come, specially not on a subject like that. And as he expects, he gets alone on the elevator before disappearing from their sight. He is tempted to go by her side, but she needs space. And more than anything, he doesn’t want to get accused of being a stalker.

           …

           Daryl stops coming. Fall passes, and winter comes in: thus the appropriate parties, alcohol, and inevitable encounters are to happen. Their final one is the night before Christmas Eve. They are celebrating, as usual, some white Christmas with a wave crime that has almost disappeared from California. They can actually take time for themselves, and (Y/N) and him are closer than ever; they talk until very late, then sometimes take it to one of their bedrooms, a midnight improvised snack, or sometimes marathons of stupid black and white movies (which she loves, adores. She is going to love her gift, he knows). Everyone knows they are crushing on each other hard; one would think that her boyfriend would be still an obstacle, but they are not talking anymore. She went to see him once, and that has been it since; after, she has just perfectly fitted into the Titans, like a second family. And of course, she has brought Byron with her… Who is the first that knows someone has entered the Tower.

           “B.?” She asks, confused as the dog runs from the table where they are all clinking their glasses. Dick doesn’t notice, hasn’t been paying attention to security these days, and that might have been his fault. It wasn’t supposed to happen. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

           The tone makes everyone turn around – and there he is, Daryl in the flesh, slightly drunk and freezing, it appears. He looks embarrassed, but confident at the same time. It’s strange. She gets up, in all her elegance, and grips Dick’s shoulder before going to him. She mutters, almost only to him: “Don’t come”. The rest will understand, but he knows she considers him the closest one. The only one who could actually come and intervene, if he wanted to. They are close friends, after all.

           “I’ll be back in a sec. Stay here”. He says, after a couple of seconds, getting up and coming onto them, the closest room where they have entered to talk in private. The door is slightly opened.

           What he sees shocks him. From his position, she is giving Dick her back, thus letting him see the tense and anxious lines of her shoulders and neck: almost scared, fearing the encounter. Her legs are in a battling position, even when he is not doing anything, just talking-

           “I’m sorry, you have to believe it. I didn’t mean to-I would never-you know I’m not the type. I didn’t mean to shut you. Slap you.”

           Out of everything, he did not expect that. If anything, he sounds honest, but his own blood is boiling and there’s nothing that can stop that for the moment. It is her business to deal with… But still, they had grown closer, she could have told him.

           “I don’t know what the fuck you are doing here, but you should go. You have no right over me, over anyone, woman or man, to put your hand on them like that. You are a piece of trash, Daryl.”

           “I know, I-“

           “No, you are scum, I-I don’t really know what you expected. That you would come here, sit with us for dinner and after-what? Go home, have sex and everything okay?”

           “(Y/N), I-“

           “No, fuck off! I have been hiding so much for your sake, so that you wouldn’t feel like less! I feared your reaction about my other life a lot, Daryl. I felt s bad because I know how much you hated lies, how you felt about it, and I loved you. I loved you so much, but you are just a piece of shit, trying to put me in your small traditional box! I am not going to do your dishes, clothes or work! I am not your sweet little girl for you to care and patronize-“

           “What, so you are his?! You are such a hypocrite, (Y/N).And the worst kind, a bitch. You are for his use alone or what? You never let yourself be pampered like that, treat like his own little princess-“

           “Who are you talking about?!”

           “Your friend Nightwing! Fuck you, you have been having these little chats, secret meetings… Have you fucked him? Have you sucked his cock while I was here, waiting for you on bed and cheering you on?”

           “You are piece of scum, Daryl! I have not been rejecting you these last months because of him. Yes, I do like him, but I would not go behind your back like you did! Fuck you!”

           “You are such a-“. His arm moves. His hand gets higher. He knows he has to act quick, and thus opens quickly the door, shoving her behind him, directly going against him to push him brutally into the wall against his back. It cracks behind them, pictures hanging on that same wall falling to the floor. The commotion makes everyone move, to their room, worried to what might be happening. “Fuck!”

           She gets in the middle, Dick already up and prepared to get into a fight at any moment, while the other is still confused on the ground. He can feel his own raged breaths: fury, instinct taking over rationality. He is destroyed on the floor but he still wants to annihilate him. How dare he, how would he-?

           “Dick, Dick. Hey, look at me. Richard!”. He looks at her, smaller in frame, tugging at his chest in the opposite direction of the room. She is trying to separate them. “Just go, please, don’t do anything else. Shut up, please, go and-“

           She seems to be close to crying, desperate in her voice and trying to get him out, as she is making him go through the door. Her eyes won’t even reach his, and he is now desperately trying to make contact, even as she shoves him out the door, with a whimper and finally closing the studio off. He is just as confused as the rest of them, but he won’t talk.

           …

           “Can I come in?”. Dick looks surprised. Did he not hear her? She had been looming around her own room for some hours now, everyone in their respective rooms after the night had been fucked up like that. No one felt like partying or drinking anymore. Still, his door had been opened, explicitly for her. He nods, and she finally comes in, closing the door behind them. “Okay, I’m going to talk, and I really don’t expect you to understand but… Okay.”

           >> Daryl and I had a very complicated relationships for some years. His family is fucked up and he had substance abuse problems in the past. I’m not excusing him, Dick, don’t roll your eyes. I just want you to understand where he comes from, why he is the way he is. He is not a bad person. No one is… But he thinks like that. He has to be the very best man, the most masculine out of everyone and always the best. It is his problem, but I tried to make it mine and help him. It did not work and it only put me in a difficult position, you know: always trying to be less so that he could be more. That’s partly why I never shared my secret identity with him. And why Cali’s own Vigilante was born. I needed something like this for myself. I was drowning, otherwise… And then you appeared.

           She laughs in pure incredulity; her hands gets buried in her own hair, as she brushes it off and goes to his bed, where he has been laying waiting for her. She sits down, her hand resting on his leg.

           “Okay, “you” as in “The Titans” appeared. That saved my ass because… Well, California is enormous. I could definitively NOT cover it all, so you all appearing was a miracle, honestly… But you appeared, Dick. You, as in Nightwing, as in Richard Grayson and the rawest “you” possible.” She looks at the door, almost embarrassingly, laughing a bit to herself. “I had such a big crush a couple of years ago I almost didn’t believe that you were right in front of me. Or that we got on so well, apparently… I kinda wished I didn’t have to go back home a lot of times, and… That’s because I felt something for you. And that was dangerous, because I had a boyfriend but-but things didn’t click with Daryl the way they dd with you, D. Really, truly. It is such a big cliché, but you made me feel seen, heard. You made me feel special, and I got hooked onto the feeling but-but I’m not like that. And I still had a boyfriend. Fuck, hell, I thought I was only lusting for you, but then-then months came by and it was still the same. And then we talked night after night, we cuddled under blankets, we took care of each other and… And things started going bad at home. He knew I was not in love with him anymore, and who could blame him? And while I didn’t want to act on my feelings with you, he did. Physically.”

           She sighs, like it’s taking a bit out of her. She frowns, looking at her own thigs as she gets both legs on the bed. Dick has the urge to embrace her.

           “The second time you offered me a bed here I wanted to take it in so badly, Dick. I swear to God I didn’t want to back there. No one had ever hit me, and-“. She chokes. She is… Strangely embarrassed, panicked. She won’t look at him, making herself small in the bed, vulnerable. “I didn’t know what to do. I still loved him; not like before, but wanted to stay true to him, be loyal, and he hit me. He said sorry after, he had been too drunk, but I knew he wanted to. And I just didn’t know how I could stay there after that, but still I-he promised things would get better, and I believed him, Dick. And then they didn’t.”

           She confesses she trusted things to get better because they normally did. She had been hit before, but she couldn’t tell anyone; she was alone, isolated from her family. And the Titans, they would mock her! Obviously not to her own face, but someone like her being slapped by her very normal and human boyfriend?! The laughing stock. She felt embarrassed by it, not being able to stop him, the red mark on her cheek, shameful and making her weak, less.

           He felt enraged. Not at her, of course not: at Daryl for making her feel powerless like that, stupid and less of the incredible woman she was because she was being hit. No one should feel embarrassed by it, much less be silenced for it. Dick embraces her, piecing the rest together all by himself. Things had started to go well, but the taxi had made him feel insecure, and thus they had exploited at each other not much later, resulting in a second slap in a short period of time which made her put distance between them. Intelligent. But then he had come and-

           “I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have felt like that all by yourself… But I understand. It was your own struggle to deal with, and you didn’t want anyone else to know, but… There’s people here that love you, (Y/N). I love you, for starters.” He blurts it out naturally, taking both by surprise. He gets red, closing his eyes and trying to keep his cool. “I meant-What I mean is that I feel something strong, or rather strong for you. Since the start. Or something like that, fuck-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to come off so strong, but… But fuck yes, I-I do love you.”

           She climbs him. Slowly, almost torturing him in the silence of the room, sheets rustling as he moves his back up to straighten it. He is nervous, maybe as much as she is.

           They kiss. Lips trembling, fear still in he system, an intense desire to care for the other in his. It’s a long but caring kiss as he opens slightly his mouth and she enters his cavity, her tongue conquering space and his hands going for her hips, stabilizing them. He has been dreaming with that for at least three months.

           “Be my girlfriend.” And she can’t help but nod, as she kisses him up again. And again. And again, until they both are a mess of juvenile panting and squirming under the sheets.

           “Get properly into bed, I want to cuddle you.” She says, turning off the lights and getting closer to his face, climbing him up until her face can be buried in his neck. He kisses her forehead, heart beating fast but tranquil, at the same time. They have time, she loves him, and the only thing he wants now is to protect her between his arms.

           And she couldn’t feel any more secure, as she gets into bed and closes her eyes near his neck, protected and cuddled up by his strong arms on her waist.