#not to mention its been said a million times but like... ok? whats the setting? the genre? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jodilin65 · 11 years ago

Text

SATURDAY, AUGUST 31, 2013 Someone tried to shoot me in my dreams last night, though I don’t remember any details. I actually had a series of strange dreams. In one dream Tom said he was sure that a dog was living in the carport of a house further down the street, and I wondered if I should mention it to Joy.

Then I had a dream (I don’t know how I knew this) where I was sure that the police helped pick one of my blog posts out for publication for profit by some psych magazine. I then contacted both the police and magazine by email letting them know that since they weren’t authorized to use my work without my permission, they would hear from my attorney as soon as I obtained one.

I was reading back on some old dream premonitions I’d forgotten about and can now understand more of their meaning. I knew the dream where my MIL suddenly stopped sending us money (like she’d ever really give a shit if we lived or died) was a warning sign of trouble ahead. Tom was hurt and worried when her weekly envelope arrived completely empty. I asked him if he thought we’d be ok and he said, “Now, no.”

What was eerie was the date of the entry. It was right around the time the government was set to stop our checks before a red flag went up and before they notified us. It was basically the same warning as in the “whiteout” dream. In the whiteout dream, the man who’d come to give me the bad news was digging. I later realized it represented the digging of our graves till that miraculous phone call/job came at the very last moment after months of filling out every application available to fill out just to be ignored.

Now that September is just hours away I can say I still hate that month, though maybe not as much as December. I hated September as a kid cuz it meant going back to school. As an adult, I hate it due to the onset of cooler temps (though it stays warm here till November), and the holiday madness. But ever since 2011, September’s taken on an even worse meaning for me with the 16th being the day the lovely fuck off letter came and we were so sure we had just two weeks left to live since the streets were no place for us to survive an also no place to die. I still shudder just thinking about it, and I look upwards to a God that may or may not exist and my fists clench with fury. That one terrifying incident alone is enough to make me forever hate Him. I will never forgive Him and I don’t want to forgive Him either. That was a real doozy in my book. As if everything else that ever went wrong in my life wasn’t enough?

Been here 1 month and 3 weeks and I still love everything but the traffic. Tom thinks the traffic will be quieter in the winter when there are fewer companies with trucks and trailers coming to do yard work. It’s not the traffic I worry about in the cooler months, it’s next door. They don’t live outdoors like Jesse did, but will Bob want to live in his garage at that time and maybe saw this and drill that while he adds a little hammering to the mix?

FRIDAY, AUGUST 30, 2013 Not surprisingly, the fucking garbage truck woke me up, though it was only for a minute. If only the speed bump wasn’t where it’s at. Most of the loud traffic comes from service trucks. Trucks with trailers really make a loud thump when they go over that thing.

After that, I woke up a million times just because. Really hope one of the dreams I had isn’t a warning. In the dream, it finally rained and it leaked EVERYWHERE. As Tom reminded me, though, for just $60 we’d have them come out and fix it. I still hope it doesn’t leak. You never know what may get damaged if it does.

The slave (Roomba) took an hour and a half to vacuum last time around but did a great job. Its tummy was chock full of dirt, dust and hairs… till I made it throw it all up.

I may always be heavy, but it sure is amazing what a few different ab exercises can do for a backache. I did a whole series of warm-up, cardio, strength and cool-down exercises that take about 20 min. It’s been fun seeing myself get stronger and more flexible over time despite remaining so big and knowing I will never again be thin. Not at this age and with this shit metabolism.

When I first started a month ago, I could only reach the middle of my shins when sitting on the floor with my legs straight in front of me and reaching for my feet. Now I’m getting close to my ankles. Will I ever be able to touch my toes again? Probably. Will my waist ever be in the 20s again? Almost certainly not.

Tom is looking forward to his 3-day weekend and together we plan to get more things done around here.

The trolls are still behaving. No pestering me, no harassing friends, other than maybe Aly of course, but they knew her before they knew me. Not surprisingly, though, the account Kim had with a pic of herself is gone. There’s something that bugs me about Aly’s story, though. She said someone hacked Kim’s account and told Kim’s sister of her impersonations and all that shit, but who else besides Aly, does Kim know that could not only hack an account but also that would want to expose her to her sister??? Not that the sister hasn’t already been informed of Kim’s stalking and impersonations; she just chooses to ignore, deny and defend Kim. What could she do about it anyway, even if she did pull her head out of the sand and acknowledge it? Forbid Kim from going online?

THURSDAY, AUGUST 29, 2013 I was asked on Ask to keep my my-diary going cuz it displays nicely on their phone while the other blogs take too long. I think this same person has contacted me there before with similar requests. So they’re really into my blog but won’t say who they are? Really hope they’ll lose their shyness and let me know sometime so I can personally thank them for being such a loyal follower of what I would’ve thought most would consider a boring life. Really, I don’t bite!

So… Blogger and MD will be my blogging spots for now.

Got up late and went for a swim with Tom who had just gotten in from work. There was just one woman there reading at the side of the pool. I was breaking pool rules without even knowing it. I thought the pool opened at 6am, but pool hours are actually 8:30 am - 10pm.

Tammy left a message letting me know what’s up with them. I guess Mark did and didn’t enjoy his trip to Indiana and Ohio. He saw his brother but didn’t get to see his daughter. Not sure if they don’t get along or if their schedules just clashed or what. She said she’d tell me the story by phone, but I’m not sure I care. Or that it’s any of my business. But that’s Tammy for you, LOL, one to gossip and to discuss health problems.

She and Sarah both had the runs for two weeks and were on antibiotics. They wanted to hospitalize Tammy, but she’s too caught up in Mark’s problems now to worry about her own. Not sure why they got sick, but Tammy lost 30 pounds. She’s glad to have lost it, but not by getting sick.

Wish I could lose that much, but the calories required for me to do so at this age aren’t enough to live on. 1000 calories or less leaves me too hungry and tired. Wish I could lose on 1200-1500 like most people, but not with this shit metabolism. Despite still being heavy, I’ve gotten stronger, fitter and more flexible through cardio and strength training. It helps my joint pain, but if I sit still too long I’m stiff when I get up. After my cleaning and working out is done, I try to get up and get moving after every half hour or so that I’ve been sitting on my ass.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 27, 2013 Aw, no wins today. At least I slept better. I feel much more refreshed and alert today. Did my usual online work, then I entered sweeps, worked out and cleaned the bathrooms and laundry room. Took me an hour to do the cleaning. My slave will be assisting me tomorrow with cleaning the front of the house. It will vacuum while I dust and clean the kitchen.

Tonight is going to be spent entering the sweeps that expire on the 31st. The last day of the month is when most of them expire. That’s a total of 363 sweeps, though I��ll probably only enter about 250 of them.

I’m also thinking of returning to Blogger. For a while, I was scared off of anything Google (except for searches and translators) due to all the security issues they were having and their joke of a privacy policy, but there are a lot of sweeps connected to Blogger. Also, blogging is one of my top hobbies, and I do love all the different blogs/features, so I’m seriously considering it.

MONDAY, AUGUST 26, 2013 I love this house and I love this park, but sometimes I wonder if we made a mistake location-wise. I wanted to sleep till noon since I need to start getting my schedule in order in preparation for my next dentist appointment, but between 10:30 - 11:30 I heard 3 loud bangs that kept waking me up. The sound machine and earplug cancel out loud motors, but not the vibrant sounds that I can feel. I can only be jolted awake so many times before I’m unable to fall back asleep, too. So now I have to spend the day on the tired side, though I think I can still work out.

All of my guesses as to where the slams were make sense but don’t make sense. My first thought was next door, of course, but they usually come and go pretty quietly. Why would they start slamming doors like that all of a sudden?

My next guess was someone parking on the other side of the house since they’ve been showing the house that’s for sale there, but could the sound really resonate across the house like that?

My last guess was someone parked in back of us, but why would they do that? Maybe someone coming to see the house that was lost? Other than that or something maintenance might’ve been doing, there’s no reason for anyone to park in back of us unless one of the houses back there had a lot of company. They’d have to have a dozen visitors, though!

Once unable to go back to sleep, I shut the sound machine off and could hear scattered sounds of someone rummaging around in the garage next door. At least I think I did. But then not much later I saw their SUV return and ran to the bedroom to see if it was any louder than usual when they got out of it. I could hear the door close, but not feel it. It was only one door too, so one of them may’ve stayed home (the one playing in the garage?).

I don’t know what to think anymore, but I still can’t help but wonder if the grass would’ve been greener in Newcastle. Would it have been??? My only worry there would’ve been those stopping in front of the place where the mailboxes were since the bedrooms were by the road. But I would have LOVED having more space around me. Who knows, though, maybe there would have been other annoyances we couldn’t know about without actually living there.

I know we had to move when we did cuz the prices were rapidly rising and we were sick as hell of being cramped in that little trailer, though a part of me regrets getting a place alongside someone’s garage. I hated that in Phoenix, I hated it in Oregon, so what made me think it’d be ok here just because the people are older? And oh, the traffic! I wish we were on a quiet little road that got little traffic. Busy streets are ok when the traffic can whiz by at a normal speed. I’ve lived on busy streets before. But those streets (in Oregon) didn’t allow on-street parking either.

Like I said, I love the house and I love the park. It’s just that I’m sleeping worse here than with the Jes pest. That’s ridiculous. There are more distractions here, too. They just don’t go on and on for hours like with Jesse. A part of me wonders if we should have just gotten a cheap condo, but also in a retirement community, if I had to “feel” like I’m attached to others anyway, for the sake of having cheaper monthly expenses.

Thought of switching bedrooms, but I don’t see how the other room would save me, so I guess I’m just going to have to get used to going to bed knowing that my sleep is hit or miss, especially when I’m on nights. If I have to reschedule my appointment, then so be it. But damn, though, I really wish I could sleep better. I guess it’s just God’s little “punishment” for defying Him and becoming the homeowners He stopped us from being twice and never wanted us to be again.

To be cursed with such a sleep disorder is one thing, but to be such a light sleeper is really adding insult to injury. I don’t understand why some people can sleep through anything WITHOUT sound machines and earplugs while everything wakes me up no matter what I do. What am I doing wrong? What is the trick to tuning it all out? Telling myself I’m in a large, active park on a busy street and to just know and accept the traffic noise obviously isn’t cutting it, so what now?

We talked about soundproofing the bedroom, but we’d have to do the windows too, and that would mean never having any natural light or fresh air in there in the cooler months, and I don’t want to live like that. I didn’t come here for that.

sighs Guess all I can do is hope I manage to loop my schedule around and make it to my appointment. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t, but at least I can know that if anyone gets in the way of this plan, it won’t be the Jes pest.

If I could stop having so many damn appointments that would help, too. But I have two more dentist appointments after this one, not counting cleanings, and then it’s off to a primary care doctor. I’m not going to discuss the details in public, though, for I have learned it’s best to keep health issues private.

Later…

To help compensate for the sleep disturbances this morning, I won an Evian baby tee. It’s adorable and I actually wanted to win this one.

Tom thinks it may’ve been vehicles bouncing over the speed bump in back that woke me up. I totally forgot about that damn thing.

Nane got a bike, candles, flowers and perfume for her birthday. Then she got drunk and said she’d check out my newest photo albums tomorrow. Whatever.

The results of my 26 days of dieting and exercising are the usual. I eat healthily, I exercise, but the weight hangs on. I lost a few pounds, but I’m definitely not going down anymore. Oh well. A few pounds is better than nothing.

Tom asked me to look for workout vids on YouTube for fat guys, LOL, saying that the workout we did was too hard on him. It took him a week to recover, he said, haha. I may be huge and I always will be, but I’m definitely fitter than he is. Still, all this body weight does make some exercises harder than they used to be for me. But the weight’s not going anywhere cuz this is how the older me was meant to be and so I just gotta make the best of it. You adapt somewhat. Really, REALLY don’t want to gain anymore, though.

Signed up for free samples when we moved and today I got a couple of dishwashing sample packs.

Rosy, as we’ve been calling our Roomba, took over the cleaning for me after I dusted the bedrooms. It was so nice to let the slave take over the vacuuming that I would’ve done afterward, though once a month I’ll go around and get the few spots she can’t get. I turned her loose after I finished dusting because I didn’t want us getting in the way of each other.

Tomorrow Rosy gets a day off while I clean the bathrooms and laundry room, then she’ll be back on the clock the next day to do the kitchen, dining and living room floors.

My diary on MD is sooooo damn long, covering 26 years of my life, that I wonder if I should create a second diary there. I’m not sure yet, but I’m thinking about it. Got nearly 7000 entries on LJ, but that site is laid out totally differently.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 25, 2013 Had a fun day, though we didn’t go to Sam’s cuz the crowds in Target were annoying enough to deal with. It seems there was someone in every aisle, and of course most of the kids were out of control.

Got a new keyboard since my other one was getting old. This one’s wireless. It’s going to take some time to get used to. It has a different feel and some of the keys are arranged differently than my other one.

Since the purple dye never did take to the rough, wooly crème-colored blanket we had before, I ended up grabbing a hot pink one that is so much nicer and softer. A little short on the sides, but plenty nice enough for the hot months when you want something light and airy. All the different shades of pink and purple in the bedroom/bath blend well together.

Got some tiebacks for the drapes that match the rod nicely. These are plastic handles in a silvery finish. I like them better than Mrs. S’s gold ropes.

The thing we got that was the most fun was the adhesive wall décor. I got a set of colorful flowers that are large and tall, as well as an array of butterflies. Some are 3D, which means the wings stick out. They were really easy to apply and gives the place great color. You feel like you’re walking through a flower garden when you go down the hall. The bedroom really needed it. Especially the wall above the two old dressers that will eventually be replaced. There was just so much empty white wall space that really demanded some color.

I think that’s all we got today besides groceries.

So sad to learn that Linda Ronstadt has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. Because of it, she can no longer sing. Such terrible news! I haven’t been into celebrities for nearly 20 years now and even came to resent a lot of them with the way they get away with crime and adopt foreign babies that only end up being raised by nannies. Then again, so do the kids they actually have. Linda was not only someone I was attracted to in her younger, thinner days but a vocal role model as well. I never could compare to her vocally, of course, but she was the inspiration behind me getting training and going from a shitty singer to a fairly decent one. Hope she still has many years left in her, even though I’ve heard she’s a bitch, which is the impression she’s given me in some of her interviews.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 24, 2013 The couple next door may be nice, but I’ve heard this tapping sound from over there the last two days that’s getting a little old. Not sure if it’s coming from their garage or in back or what, and while it’s nothing the sound of the air cleaner can’t block, I still prefer not to hear my neighbors every single day. Them coming and going is one thing, but if they’re outside this much in 90s weather, I’d hate to see what the 60s will bring. But hey, I knew the shitster above wouldn’t let me have working neighbors or neighbors who weren’t outside much, nice or not. Kinda makes me wish they were older and not so able-bodied, but if that were the case, then they’d be ready for nursing homes, and I don’t want to lose them for people who could be outdoors even more. Besides, I don’t even know for sure it’s coming from their place.

I realized afterward that the garden they mentioned probably isn’t on their property but the community garden by the pool.

The entire trash bin emptied out for once when it was picked up yesterday, and I got a sample roll of toilet paper. They lied about sending the “free” Fire ring, though. Figured they would.

I was kind of pissed to wake up at the same weight 4 days in a row after all this dieting and the rigorous workouts. Why must it take me 10 days to get 1 lousy pound off after I lose the first few pounds? Again I wonder about my thyroid, and I’m also starting to wonder if I’ll lose any more weight no matter what I do. So I’m taking the day off to decide what – if anything – I want to do. I don’t want to damn near starve myself to lose weight I might not be meant to lose, but I also don’t want to go back to gaining either.

Doing laundry and dishes now. It’s nice having all these slaves work for me – dishwashers, disposals, washers, dryers, robotic vacuums… if only they could invent one that dusts. Dusting is my least favorite chore.

Later…

Poor Alison. She’s getting over Dustin and adjusting to life on her own, but Kim and her family are harassing her again. Apparently, someone hacked one of Kim’s fan sites and sent her sister a message all about how she impersonates people. Then Kim and her sister sent messages from various accounts faster than Aly could block them, calling her a bitch and a bully and insisting Kim wasn’t doing anything wrong.

Sorry, but stalking people and impersonating them is doing something wrong. Alison could probably hack sites if she wanted to, but for what? To try to get the sister to see what she simply doesn’t want to see? Kim had the nerve to top things off by threatening to sic the pigs on her as well. Have they forgotten that Aly herself is a federal agent?

Aly gave me her latest aliases, which were variations of her real name and that use actual photos of herself. As we figured, though, the trunkless elephant already blocked me on Facebook. This I don’t get. If you’re going to stalk and follow someone on blogging sites and Ask, then why block them on FB if you’re so interested in what they’re up to? Maybe because she knows I keep things private there? Or maybe it just makes her feel in control. Who can figure the insane? I went to the section that says: Who can look me up. Then I set it to friends. I don’t know that this will do me any good if she’s got me bookmarked or can simply go through her search history on her computer, but non-friends shouldn’t be able to find me by my name. I hate to cut Shannon out, but I haven’t heard from her anyway.

Aly said she thinks I was in on it, too. Yeah, right. Like I care to waste my time trying to get the blind to open their fucking eyes. How could I hack accounts she’s got me blocked from anyway, even if I knew how to do so?

I wanted so badly to defend my friend, but knew that would only get me harassed as well, and cause more trouble for her. There is one thing I couldn’t resist, though, and even Aly can’t wait till Kim sees it. I was able to pull up one of her bogus accounts from Tom’s account. One that had a real pic of her. It was great too, cuz she was turned to the side, making my “Who is this?” story a bit more believable. I posted the pic on Ask saying it had been emailed to me and that all the person asked was if I knew who it was. I said I wasn’t sure although it did look familiar, and that when I replied, the email bounced, and could anyone identify her? LOL

FRIDAY, AUGUST 23, 2013 Finally met the neighbors, Bob and Virginia. They seem nice and I’d say they’re in their 60s. I heard a strange noise start up an hour after I got up and was curious as to what it was, though I knew it wasn’t the same sound I heard coming from their garage last week. It was Bob’s air compressor pumping up his bike tires, so I learned when I stepped outside.

Virginia said they were beginning to wonder if ghosts lived here (I told them we always try to be quiet), though they did see Tom go to the mailboxes and thought of jumping out to introduce themselves, but they’d always be ready to sit down for dinner, haha.

So after a brief greeting, I went back inside. A moment later there was a knock on the door from Virginia. She gave me a bag containing 6 nice ripe tomatoes from their garden! Wasn’t that nice? I didn’t even know they had a garden over there, though they would certainly have room for one on the other side of their place.

My first instinct was to decline to accept the tomatoes, but she said they had too many and was going around passing them out. I asked if she was sure and when she assured me she was, I thought why not? It’s Atkins-friendly and would make a delicious snack. Hope she doesn’t come over with carrots or celery! Those would surely end up with the rats.

That’s pretty much all I know about them other than that judging by the lights I see go on and off, they sleep from about 11pm - 5am.

They seemed really glad to meet me. Guess they wanted to settle their curiosity, though it doesn’t surprise me. This isn’t a regular neighborhood. These are old people with lots of time on their hands. If they continue to be as quiet as they have and don’t make a regular habit of running loud things too often (and I don’t think they will at this point), I hope they’ll be there for the rest of their lives. That’s how it usually is here, anyway. You either die here or you go into assisted living. Almost everyone here is in the last home they’ll ever own. We’ve talked about Florida and even other countries, but I think we’ll probably be here forever, even though I’m not the forever kind of gal other than when it comes to Tom.

It gets better. I’m getting close to losing pound #8 (yes, I can tell), and our first full electric bill was only $80. $80! We were thinking it be more like $180 being the peak of summer. How wonderful it is to be a real house again! If this thing were built like the trailer, we’d owe more than $180.

Won Tom a T-shirt, too. T-shirts are no big deal to me, but he always likes them. He said it’s encouraging as far as my eventually hitting it big again, cuz if you aren’t winning the little stuff, you certainly won’t be hitting the big ones.

Was a little dismayed to see Kathy checked my blog last night. Shows she hasn’t moved on yet. She never tried to contact me, though, on Ask or anywhere else. Just discovered MD is having issues. That may be why she went to MO, even though she probably knew she’d show up on my tracker. Let me guess… she’s anxious to tell me when the “blueberry” is born, right? Ooh, how exciting! As long as her wonderful God doesn’t stop spoiling her with everything she wants in life, she shouldn’t be spitting any blueberries out till the end of the year.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 22, 2013 Happy birthday to my very special buddy overseas! Ich hoffe ihre Gebortstag war ein gute eins, aber das ist alle ich werde sagen. :)

While I don’t care what people think of me, I do care to be respectful of people’s privacy. Within reason, of course. I understand that some people are very private people that do not wish to be discussed in other people’s blogs, no matter how trivial or kind it may be and so that’s why I don’t always get into my interactions with others. Besides, my blog is mostly to share my own thoughts and experiences, not gossip.

It’s been a busy but quiet week. I just got caught up on the day’s sweeps, so now it’s off to work out.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 21, 2013 Someone tried to shoot me in my dreams last night, though I don’t remember any details. I actually had a series of strange dreams. In one dream Tom said he was sure that a dog was living in the carport of a house further down the street, and I wondered if I should mention it to Joy.

What was eerie was the date of the entry. It was right around the time the government was set to stop our checks, before a red flag went up and before they notified us. It was basically the same warning as in the “whiteout” dream. In the whiteout dream, the man who’d come to give me the bad news was digging. I later realized it represented the digging of our graves till that miraculous phone call/job came at the very last moment after months of filling out every application available to fill out just to be ignored.

Now that September is just hours away I can say I still hate that month, though maybe not as much as December. I hated September as a kid cuz it meant going back to school. As an adult, I hate it due to the onset of cooler temps (though it stays warm here till November), and the holiday madness. But ever since 2011, September’s taken on an even worse meaning for me with the 16th being the day the lovely fuck off letter came and we were so sure we had just two weeks left to live, since the streets were no place for us to survive an also no place to die. I still shudder just thinking about it, and I look upwards to a God that may or may not exist and my fists clench with fury. That one terrifying incident alone is enough to make me forever hate Him. I will never forgive Him and I don’t want to forgive Him either. That was a real doozy in my book. As if everything else that ever went wrong in my life wasn’t enough?

Apparently, I am missed on Ask where someone asked what they could do to get me to check in more often. The fact that they never tell me who they are makes me think it could be someone I don’t want anything to do with - someone who knows I don’t want anything to do with them - someone like Kim. IDK, maybe it’s Mrs. M for all I know. Even if they did say who they were, could I really trust it to be true?

Our new Roomba Robo vac is amazing. It’s like, wow! I watched it do its thing for two hours. Then the green light went red and I sent it home to its dock so it could charge itself. Amazingly enough, it never got tangled in cords or anything. If it gets stuck it turns off its brushes and tries to escape. The only trouble it has is getting onto the bathmats. If it tries to approach it by a corner, the corner of the mat folds over. But if it rolls onto it from one of its sides, it makes it on just fine.

It’s amazingly quiet and doesn’t go smacking into walls or furniture really hard. It has a sensor that causes it to slow down as it approaches things and then it just gently bumps whatever’s there. It doesn’t move that fast to begin with. The container was full when it was done, but since this is such a big house (I was shocked to find it really is just 1344 square feet when we measured it ourselves) I think it’d be best not to have it do the whole house at once. It comes with a virtual wall – a black box you place where you don’t want it to go. I’ll let it do the kitchen, dining and living rooms one day, and the hall and bedrooms the next. I’ll probably do the baths and laundry room myself cuz it’s just as easy to throw the floor vac over them that the last owners left here.

Some things it does easier than I can like under desks and beds, but some things, like tight corners that it can’t get into, are better off done by me. Roomba still saves me lots of time and I don’t mind hitting those tight spots while it’s doing the rest of the place.

Romeo was so funny, watching with curious fascination from his cage as it rolled on by.

It was quiet all week till now when I heard some landscaping start up. So I threw on some music and now I’m set to write and read/publish some old stuff.

Monday morning at 9:30 they finally came to install our water meter. Fortunately, I was up. But that meant having to have the water off again for a while which makes 3 times in less than 2 months.

I still worry about what the cooler weather may bring in a few months. Dogs barking out of open windows? Next door doing more projects? I hope not, but time will tell.

Yesterday we did some little odds and ends around the house, and Tom was able to replace my new desk’s keyboard tray with the old one, which is wider.

I have been so busy that I’m not always able to do all I want to do, and I forget what I already did do. I thought I had forgotten to mention the cute little farm animals I got, but Andy was quick to point out that I did mention them already, duh. I’m pretty sure I forgot to mention the colorful glow-in-the-dark puzzle I got. Now that we have room for things like that I said, what the hell, and grabbed a puzzle with flowers and butterflies that I can eventually donate to the clubhouse if I want to. They have a million puzzles, books and videos there already, but hey, what’s one more?

I was also mistaken in saying it was one of the anchor teeth for the braces I had that’s being crowned. It’s the one next to it.

The house across the street is up for sale at 62K. That and higher is what most of these homes normally go for. We got a helluva deal on this house.

Lost pound #7 and am amazed at how well this diet is going. So far, anyway. I’ve never lost weight this fast before, but I’ve also never counted carbs before either. I’m not trying to limit my carbs to any set number, but I am making a point of having foods low in carbs and not just low in calories.

Being able to put our food in our little pantry really helps too, so it’s not always in my face. In the trailer, we used most of our little table as a pantry cuz cabinet space was so limited there.

On this diet I’m not always so hungry, I don’t crave sweets and I look and feel so much better even with just a 7-pound loss. Got a long way to go, but just maybe I’ll get there someday. I work out twice a day now. I first work my arms and abs with resistance bands for 10 minutes, then I hit the treadmill for 10 more minutes. Later on in my day, I follow a 20-minute fitness video on YouTube. I eat mostly fruits, veggies and non-fried/breaded meats. I avoid starchy and sugary foods like bread, pasta, potatoes and sweets.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 20, 2013 I love knowing that I’m not only finally down to just 3 more dentist appointments as nice as they are, but also when my perps go to jail. :) Oh, the Valleyhead owners will never pay for the torment and hell they helped inflict upon me and my fellow VH sisters, but they sure are going down for fraud! As Nichy said, what you do in the dark eventually gets brought into the light.

The owners lived in a posh mansion on a hill above the “school” we lived in while they collected millions at our expense till the FBI shut them down. Valleyhead was an all-girls school in MA, for those of you who might not know what I’m talking about. They owned a boys’ school in VT named Bennington, but that’s about to go to hell as well. :)

Albeit childish, the thought of my fellow sisters and I sending Mathew a postcard in jail with each of our signatures is kinda funny. Ok, so it’s VERY funny! Too bad the 30 mil they’ve been ordered to repay can’t be divvied up between those who were victims turned survivors of the former hellhole they ran to “help” troubled teens. There were a few good staffers there who actually cared about us girls, but most of them can turn on their stoves and sit on them for all I care.

I asked Nichy about what was going on in a message and she gave me her number and asked that I call her which I did this morning. There was some concern about someone breaking into the mansion and stealing records, but the lawsuit is null and void since the owners are on their way to the slammer, if they’re not already there.

I blocked Ellen, their daughter, now that I know she only friended me just to see what I might be saying about the situation and to see if she could gather any support from any of us. Well, I may’ve had no problems with Ellen herself, but the last thing I’d ever do is vouch for her greedy family. I’m sure she learned this much when she found my blog link and the entry all about VH, hahaha.

Anyway, my dentist took care of a filling and I now have a temporary crown on one of the teeth that was an anchor tooth for my braces. Those damn things really damaged my teeth! The guy that put them on wasn’t nearly as good as the lady I now see. She’s so, so very nice and so is her staff. The guy I used to see wouldn’t even care to take the time to numb my gums with a topical ointment before shooting me with the Novocain thingy. She even offered me a blanket cuz it was cold in there, but I didn’t mind. I knew I’d be sweating my ass off again soon enough. I just didn’t know how much I’d be sweating, LOL. The damn car battery crapped out on us so the receptionist was kind enough to give us a jump. Then we went to Sam’s and got a new one.

The Crest Whitening strips are helping to whiten my teeth but I’m going to wait till I get the permanent crown cemented in before I start using them again. The last thing I want is anything sticking to the temp crown. My tooth looked scary before we found the best match for the temp, LOL. It’s just a little stick now cuz Dr. H really ground it down. She rocks, though. You should take all your cavities and other problems to her if you live in NorCal.

I was telling Shannon, her assistant, about the rats and I guess she may look me up and add me on FB.

After checking in with my online besties – Andy, Nane, etc. – we hit the pool and it felt soooo good. Just a couple of really old guys there.

MONDAY, AUGUST 19, 2013 My first shot at nail art stenciling wasn’t too bad. A little shaky with the first few till I got the hang of it. It’s one of those things that’s fun to try for variety, but not something I plan to make a habit of. Maybe I’ll take a pic later.

How could I forget the farm animals? I forgot to mention they had these really cool-looking plastic animals of all kinds that were quite realistic at Walmart. The horses even have horseshoes. I got a black and white horse, a brown and white cow, a gray and white cat, and a golden retriever.

The weekend was dead quiet. Wish it could be like that during the week, but we’re coming up on 8am and that inevitable drone of landscaping equipment. I just hope I don’t hear from next door’s garage or else I’m going to worry it really could be a hobby of his, and even more worried about what the winter may bring when people tend to be out and about more.

It’s been super hot again and last night it only got down to 76°. Today we’re on for 103°. The pool was nice yesterday. We arrived at 1pm when kids aren’t supposed to be there. A couple of bratty boys who were arguing over some stupid thing or another were just leaving with their grandparents at the time. The only other person there at the time was just some guy sunning with headphones on.

I’m back in the 140s and have lost 6 pounds since going Atkins on the 1st. 39 more to go! It’s going to really be hell to lose once I get into the 120-125 range cuz a woman my height and age is no longer considered overweight at that weight. I may have too much muscle and bone density that we tend to get with age to get down to my younger weight of 110, but I can always try.

I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but I’ve got a lot to do today, so if I remember anything I’ll jot it down in my notes.

Later…

I asked Marie, who is also on Ellen’s friend list, if she ever heard from her. Nope. Is there a lawsuit pending? she asked. Now why would she ask that? I’m still waiting to hear back from her, but that question sent a wave of chills through me. It really did. Why? Because I’ve wondered if Ellen was up to no good. Why would she friend us just to ignore us? If she were that curious about what’s going on in our lives, why not just ask us? And so I not only unfriended her but blocked her as well.

It also sent chills through me because it’s so God. SO God to tear us down now that we’ve built ourselves up. Really, He would send someone to take all this money from us – the money we never thought we’d ever have. And that’s scary. Very scary. He’s used others as a weapon against us before, and paving the way for some greedy asshole to find some excuse to screw us over is EXACTLY what the bastard would do. It’s always a few months after we move (to a place we own) that shit happens as if to punish us for daring to dream and getting ahead in life. Big shit that can’t be resolved in just a few days or even a few weeks or months.

When I walked free of the Arizona sickos I promised myself that no one would ever again tell me what to do or treat me like a child. No one would ever again tell me I had to be here, do this, pay that, etc. No one’s going to tell us what to do with our money. No one. I won’t let anyone screw us and I’ll be damned if I’ll fork over one dime to any possible extortionists out there just because I chose to share my VH experience and she chose to read it.

I’m sure I have nothing to worry about and that I’m just being understandably paranoid based on past experience and where we are right now in life (I don’t even know that she knows I have a blog that I’ve mentioned it in), and even though I wouldn’t let anyone screw us over ever again if I could help it, who needs the hassles?

Still, I can’t wait to hear why Marie asked that.

Someone on Ask once accused me of writing a fake bio. Wonder if Ellen’s connected to that and the psychology lessons?

SUNDAY, AUGUST 18, 2013 I’m so busy today that I can’t make much of an entry. Life is good, though, and like with Andy, I’m easily the happiest I’ve been! It’s been a fun day as well as a busy one.

We took off for Walmart at around 7:30 after our 5-year-old vacuum’s motor died. No wonder it’s been sounding funny lately. Better now when we were thinking of getting a robot vacuum instead of back when we were so broke we couldn’t even spend $40 on a vacuum, let alone $350. We considered the cheaper $110 one, but we felt more comfortable with a brand name that would let us get parts for it as needed. It does floors and carpets and there shouldn’t be many places in here it can’t go.

When we ordered the Robo vac on Amazon (Walmart didn’t have any in stock), I also ordered a floral tablecloth to give the dining area some color and make the table not seem so lost in there.

On the way to Walmart, I saw this big fancy church and thought it sad that so many people would spend such money on account of an assumed entity that no one’s ever seen or talked to and that all you hear about are stories that can’t be proven when there are so many people out there in need just like we once were, and worse. Even if there really is a God, well, He doesn’t need the things people need.

Got a ton of stuff at Walmart. Mostly groceries, of course, but we did get some household items and some fun stuff. I got a colorful glow-in-the-dark puzzle and some plastic farm animals that look amazingly realistic

Found a nail art stencil kit that oughta be the best thing yet as far as getting designs on nails. It’s hard to get things small enough for my pinkies, though. I’m still as big as a cow yet I have these nothing little fingernails. Even when they’re long they seem so tiny.

With much hunger and sweat – or enough of it anyway – my weight is continuing to drop. I’m proud of myself for getting just one no-no (2 slices of New York-style cheesecake) at the store today. You do get somewhat used to the hunger and the cravings do lessen a bit, as that’s what a high protein/low carb diet is supposed to do.

I mostly love how much better I feel and I’m getting my mobility back, too. I just slipped back down under the obese range, so now I’m just fat, LOL. Not for long, though.

Tom and I are doing several chores and projects around the house and soon it’s off for a pool break!

SATURDAY, AUGUST 17, 2013 Was up early and couldn’t resist going for a swim this morning. It was gorgeous. I took my new finger watch and timed it. I was gone for about a half-hour walking to the pool, then swimming, then walking back. No one was there, which made it nicer, though I could smell more chlorine than usual. At least I could shower it off when I got back home.

I noticed something about our place and next door that I never noticed before. I’m surprised too, cuz I’m usually pretty observant. They have quite a bit of grass next door. It’s on the other side, fortunately, but it runs all the way down to the gully. It’s more of a yard than we have, but have enough trees, flowers and bushes to tend to of our own.

I didn’t realize our patio roof in back didn’t cover cement areas only. There are some dirt sections where plants are growing, though they don’t reach the roof. Wish more of our trees and shrubs covered more of our windows, so I could feel the added privacy of “hiding behind the bushes.”

My swimsuit was noticeably looser, yes! Don’t know how much more weight I’ll lose but I’ve been having so much fun not only swimming, walking, jogging and working with my resistance bands, but doing YouTube fitness vids as well. I’m glad Tom wanted to get this nice new TV. It was funny cuz they say you should have enough space around you to take 3 giant steps left, right, front and back. LOL, we couldn’t even take one in the trailer.

I’ve always been a slow loser who can’t usually lose more than a pound every 10 days after the initial few come off fairly fast. But slow is better than never. Even though I got heavy for a while from overeating and lack of exercise, I have been there before as far as the fitness, nutrition, diet and exercise thing goes and have lost weight before in my life, so it’s nothing really new. It’s just a very slow process and a matter of consistently enduring the hunger, and remembering how important that hunger really is at least to a degree. Hunger isn’t just your stomach’s way of letting you know it’s empty, but the actual burning of fat and calories. It’s something you gotta take one day at a time, one pound at a time.

Tom says I look way down. So it’s not just psychological cuz of how much better I feel, huh? I’ve lost more inches for the pounds due to being so short. Where it takes most people 10 pounds to drop an inch, I can drop more than an inch in just 5 pounds.

The exercises are helping to reshape me as well as strengthen me. Weight loss can be stalled when you initially build new muscles, and I’ve definitely been waking up old muscles that haven’t been used in a while.

It’s almost time to call Andy, who’s as unpredictable as he is predictable, LOL, so I’ll write about my nightmare in my next entry. I thought he’d get a kick out of this young guy doing a headstand with his pants down around his knees, but nope. As I told him, though, I don’t understand why so many men choose to degrade and belittle themselves every chance they get with the half-assed pants and other things. There’s trashy, then there’s classy. There’s sexy, then there’s slutty. Men have always been sluts, but it seems each generation loses even more self-respect. Maybe it’s me, but the half-assed pants thing doesn’t make you look sexier, mature or smarter.

Later…

Had a nice chat with Andy. It’s been a long time since we were able to chat with the shitty connection I had for so long. He still sounds the same. He shared some cooking tips and suggestions, but I’m not as big on spices as he is. “Hey, I’m in training,” I reminded him. Can’t have much in the way of starchy or sugary foods. Still, he’s always been a much better cook than I’ll ever be.

We talked about the annoying things we have to live with as much as we each love our homes. With him it’s yard work and barking, with me, it’s yard work and whatever the guy next door has been doing in his garage that can be heard in here. Not sure if it’s a saw, a sander or what, but even though he technically has a right to be doing that during normal daytime hours, I didn’t come here to listen to the whirring of machinery in here.

He suggested writing an anonymous note letting him know it bothers me, but I’m not going to write a note after just two times of hearing it. If it became a few times a week, then I don’t know what I’d do. Just live with it, I guess, just like I’ve had to live with other things everywhere I’ve lived. It’s not like it goes on and on for hours, and the sound machines and music drown it out. If it were 2-3 hours a day 5 days a week, then I may speak up, but I can’t see that happening. God, I hope not! Especially since this isn’t just any old neighborhood. This is a retirement community. A place people go to live in peace. Besides, no matter how anonymously I complained, they would know it was from this house cuz we’re the only ones who could hear it. The people across the street might be able to make it out a bit if they were in the front of their houses. Tom thinks he’s like him – if he has something to fix, he fixes it, but it’s not a hobby. Let’s hope he’s right!

It’s been a very peaceful Saturday so far. No landscaping, not much traffic noise, etc.

Another thing I didn’t come here for is for the net to drop off the 5 or 6 times it dropped off yesterday. I thought cable wasn’t supposed to do that, but as Tom pointed out, cable isn’t what it used to be. That’s true. All good things do come to an end. Back when we last had it in 2007, not many people had it. Now it’s everywhere, and the more of your neighbors that have it, the less reliable it can be. It hasn’t cut out today that I know of.

Poor Tom. Turns out they also have a similar service here like Goodwill where they come around and get unwanted household items right AFTER he dropped things off at the Goodwill. I guess they do this a few times a year. A few times for furniture and appliances, and a few times for clothes and small household items.

Our tentative plans are to tackle the walls sometime soon and get a new used vehicle either in the late winter or early spring. We’ll probably use our tax return toward it.

Tomorrow we’re going to load up on mostly non-edibles at Sam’s and enjoy spending time together. Where I saw too much of him when he didn’t work, now I hardly ever see him and I miss him. Why is it that so often in life we either get too little or too much of things?

Ok, now I’ll cover last night’s nightmare, then I’m going to get into bed and read myself to sleep. I had a very long, busy and physical day. I was beat after doing the fitness video I was doing today. Gotta remember to save those for the end of my day till I get in better shape again.

It was a very sad and scary dream. I was sent to prison for 15 years, though I don’t know why. It seems I was younger in the dream because I remember thinking I’d be 47 when I got out. It was strange because right after I was sentenced, Tammy came to visit me and they let us chat outside the jail by the parking lot. I was just about to step up to her and whisper, “Let’s just get in your car and go,” But then the guards came and got me.

Inside I was chatting with another inmate at dinnertime and I nodded toward a girl in her 20s and asked what she was in for. “She beat a man unconscious, then stabbed him to death for good measure. Then just as she was about to smother someone’s baby, the cops arrested her.

The thought of spending the next 15 years living with such characters made me shudder.

At night we slept in huge bunk beds that were outdoors but with screens around them. I was lying on my side on the lower bunk with my knees pulled up by my chest when I saw the shadow of a bear approaching. I could tell it was interested in the bugs that walked along the outside of the screen. It started growling and I wondered how it would react if the girl above me woke up and made any sounds.

Suddenly, I felt a great pressure on my knees. They had been close to the screen and the bear had placed a paw on the screen, which bent inward and rested upon my knees. I tried to stay as still as I could but the pain was too much. Terrified, I woke up right as I pushed myself away.

Even Andy had a nightmare last night and we wonder why. Our lives are going so incredibly well now.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 16, 2013 Happy 56th birthday to my sister! Hope she has many more.

Andy and I are going to chat by phone tomorrow. I tried to do a voice post on LJ but it kept saying my login was incorrect. Oh well.

Wonder if the guy next door is friends with the lady in the house across the street? As I was coming out of the bedroom, I saw him walk down their driveway, cross the street, then head up his driveway.

It was quieter yesterday, but today’s the day next door does their landscaping. At least I think it is. All I heard yesterday was some mowing in back right as I was about to listen to music. When I turned it off it was quiet.

That “dark van” I thought was parked in their driveway was probably really theirs, so I realized later on. They have a silver SUV but in the shade of the carport it can make you think it’s actually dark in color. They park in the driveway as much as in the garage.

There goes a mutt walker. I’m still amazed at how quiet they are when they pass by. I thought that every time they were being walked they’d bark at everything and nothing in sight along the way.

My Ellen suspicions deepened when I saw she’d been online but had ignored my pokes, posts and messages. I realize it could be FB making sure she never sees them, but even a VH sister (Maria) said she never replied to any of her own messages after she added her. Maybe she’s just curious about our lives but doesn’t want to actually be in touch with any of us.

I feel so much better since being active again and getting back into regular workouts. My joint pain has vanished and I am slowly losing inches and regaining energy and mobility. I still don’t know how much more weight, if any, I’ll lose, but I like feeling better and knowing I’m healthy. That’s good enough for me as long as I don’t gain any more. But if I lose more, then that’ll be a bonus.

Damn! That’s twice in less than an hour I got knocked offline. This isn’t supposed to happen anymore!

Later…

Today’s really getting to be a bit of a pisser. Half the trash didn’t empty out of the trash bin when they came to pick it up. They don’t come really early in the morning like most places cuz it’s an adult community and cuz they couldn’t get into the park at 6am anyway. The only thing we hear really early is a truck delivering the paper. I forget that some people still get the paper.

We need to start making arrangements to dump our own trash elsewhere if this shit is going to keep on happening. This is twice now. Even with us placing stuff in loosely this shit happens. The bins are just too skinny.

I’m not dropping offline like crazy like we used to but I’ve dropped off 4-5 times today! :( I’m so disappointed. I really thought it wouldn’t do this with cable, but apparently it does. Andy said he doesn’t notice his dropping off, but he’s not home as much either. He says his computer restarts every now and then, but as I explained to him, dropping offline shouldn’t cause your computer to restart. He probably just crashed or had an update come in that required a restart. I experienced that with Windows. When Mac updates it doesn’t usually restart the computer but it does prompt me to close my browser. In the meantime, I’ll have to see if Tom knows of any way we can make the connection more reliable, but I don’t think we can. This is probably pretty normal.

I really can’t wait till the posting of old journals is over. This is a project I am definitely sick of. Proofreading dozens of pages every day when I could be doing other things. Like maybe getting back into writing stories and studying languages. Too many daytime distractions for the languages as I continue to get used to being around so many people, so that’ll be a nighttime thing. As it is my fears of next door’s garage becoming a workshop are manifesting. For a few minutes, I heard what might be some kind of circular saw or sander whirring away in the garage. That’s probably the same sound I heard the other morning that I didn’t think was landscaping of any kind. I had wondered if they were having their carpet cleaned or something. Well, hopefully he won’t do this regularly, but can’t he have the decency to at least shut the garage door if he does? Better yet, can we have women for neighbors only?

THURSDAY, AUGUST 15, 2013 Why does the smoke detector go off whenever I cook certain things, like chicken wings??? I’ve had this problem everywhere I’ve lived except for our Maricopa home where we had an electronic detector instead of a battery-operated one. Someone online suggested putting a shower cap over it. After all, a real fire would never be blocked by a shower cap. Or my doggy nose.

So… what can I complain about today? Well, Hotmail (Outlook) was down a lot yesterday, and the daytime sounds around here still get annoying at times. Tom didn’t quite have it right when he said adult community living would be “like living in a cemetery,” unless it’s between 7pm - 7am. Then again, it usually goes pretty quiet here between 3pm - 5pm. Most of what I hear is landscaping and car doors. A pickup was in front of the house diagonally in front of us (I’ll call it the yellow house from now on, and the one across from us will be the gray house) with rolls of carpet in the back. They made a scattering of bumps and bangs that were a little distracting, much like the bumps and bangs you might hear in a neighboring apartment, but it’s worth it to know we have a nice big house of our own in a lovely gated community. Never again will I have to deal with pesky landlords, welfare bums, blasting music, screaming kids and tons of barking!

For years I couldn’t seem to clean smudges and streaks from mirrors and glass no matter what I used. But what should I finally discover does the trick well? The Philips glass cleaning gel that came with the TV I won years ago.

I was going to go to the pool by myself this morning, but it’s more fun to go with Tom. It’s just that the poor guy’s hardly ever home and when he is he has time to do little more than eat, sleep, shit and shower.

Passed by a couple on the way to mail Paula’s letter yesterday morning. The woman was tall and slim and may’ve been somewhat good-looking (I had the wrong glasses on so I can’t be sure) and was using hand weights as she exercised. Good idea. However, I’m not sure I want to use them on the treadmill and possibly get thrown off balance.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 14, 2013 Next door left (quietly), just before 4am. I’ve never known them to leave that early before. Hope nothing’s wrong. As in they’re about to die and be replaced with neighbors who are noisy and decide the garage would make a damn good workshop. A dark van visits them every now and then and was there yesterday.

The things I thought would be an issue, like barking and people always hanging out gabbing loudly, aren’t an issue at all. Instead, it’s the landscaping. Even Andy agrees that he not only doesn’t blame me for being pissed about the water issues here, but that yard work can be annoying, too. He said it always annoys him when the houses closest to him do that because they take so long to do it. That’s how it is here, though I don’t know why it’d take so long to do these nothing lots. I thought part of the reason for being here was so that there’d be less maintenance. It’s not like it’s 5 minutes here and 5 minutes there. It’s an hour here and an hour there and then another hour… so it adds up and gets old. Especially when I’m trying to watch vids. Winter’s Andy’s only relief from the drone of trimmers and mowers buzzing away. For me, the only relief will be the rain and that’s not a very common thing here.

Still love everything else about the place. Even the traffic seems like nothing since I started sleeping with earplugs when I’m on nights.

I miss the pool. Haven’t been there in a while. I think I’ll go first thing tomorrow morning. We’ve been having temps in the 90s, so it should be nice.

Facebook is its usual mess. Never have I seen a site so glitchy. I doubt I ever will either. The friend-invite I never sent to a guy in Ireland was accepted. I not only never sent it, but never heard of the guy. I told him this and he unfriended me.

Becky had laser surgery, Mark’s going to Ohio to visit family, and Tammy still has her good days and her bad days. She sounded fine in her last message. I know Mark is going to be dealing with his cardiologist and whatnot next month, but I’m still not sure when Tammy will undergo the transplant or how many lungs will be replaced.

Nane’s been busy but has another TR trip to look forward too, and I don’t know what the hell’s going on with Alison. I hope she’s ok. And Paula, too. She finally left a message. It’s a good thing she had one of our cell numbers after all or else I don’t know how I’d get a hold of her not knowing her new address and phone. She left a phone number for me and we talked. I always have mixed emotions for the girl, I swear! She’s annoying as hell cuz I told her not to send me anything cuz we were moving yet she did. UPS Stores don’t forward or return mail. She should’ve just left her new address in the message she left before we moved and I’d have written to her as soon as we moved in here, which was right around the time she sent stuff to our old box.

She is not only mentally slow and challenged, but she’s as crazy as ever. Not Kim/Molly kind of crazy, but she’s delusional at times. She doesn’t stalk people and she’s not dangerous (unless you’re her BF and you piss her off), but half the time she’s pretty out of it. Her memory’s shot to hell and she rambles on, interrupts and doesn’t let you get a word in edgewise, as usual, but we go way back and we’ll always be friends.

She’s now living in Granby, CT and she said no one knows where she is, not even her sons. She says they only know her number. I asked why the secrecy and all she would say was, “Because.” I wonder if recently being diagnosed with pelvic cancer has anything to do with her worsening state of mind. It’s one thing to prefer solitude, but to not even tell your kids where you moved to???

As screwed up as she is, I wish everyone I care about (besides Tom) wasn’t 3 to 6 thousand miles away. She may’ve chosen to go it alone, but it still sucks that she’s got to undergo surgery all by herself. She’s been sick due to the treatments they’ve been giving her, which make her nauseous and have caused hair loss. She said she’ll be ok, though, once they do the hysterectomy they plan to do. I hope so!

MONDAY, AUGUST 12, 2013 Today would’ve been my parents’ 64th or 65th anniversary. Instead, I hope they’re rotting in hell and that if God isn’t just as fictitious as Goldilocks and Rapunzel, He is giving them a taste of their own medicine. I know He isn’t, though. The fact that He allowed them to do what they did to my siblings and me shows He was ok with it. Therefore, He’d have no reason to punish them for it. Karma may very well be nothing more than wishful thinking; something we tell ourselves to make us feel better. But what can we really know for sure?

We had to play water games again yesterday morning. Yeah, I was kinda pissed, and I don’t care who has a problem with me saying so or who thinks I don’t see the good with the bad. We didn’t move to a luxury park just to go through this every month! One of the benefits of returning to the city (supposedly) was no longer having to deal with the problems wells tend to bring. Instead, another main broke. Well, that’s what she said when I called the office to make sure it wasn’t just us, as much as I figured it wasn’t. What’s worse is that she confirmed my suspicions by saying it happens “a lot,” like 6 or 7 times a year. So I was right in suspecting that “occasionally” really meant often when Joy mentioned it in the interview. But 6 or 7 mains break a year? That can’t be! If this happens so much, then why can’t they fix things enough to stop it from happening this often? Now I’m afraid to shower in the daytime. Fortunately, it was at the end of my day and I only had to pee twice, in which I simply closed the toilet lid and the bathroom door as well. I usually close the bathroom door anyway to help make the bedroom darker.

Still, it sucks that we have more water issues here and that I actually sleep worse here, too. Yesterday morning was quieter than I expected so I went to sleep with just the sound machine. Sure enough, a loud truck woke me up later on and so I popped in an earplug. I was fine after that. IDK, maybe I will gradually get used to sleeping here. Took me a while at first in Auburn. Despite these annoyances, I’m loving everything else about the place.

No exciting wins other than a coupon for a 6-pack of Fruit20 water. I will be getting the Golden Fire ring I won, after all. At least that’s what I was told.

I wonder if I should create a Pinterest account like I created a Twitter account for sweeping. Pinterest doesn’t run nearly as many sweeps as Twitter and especially Facebook runs, but maybe I should join. I was just never sure how that site works. You just pin things you like or want to have? Guess I should go find out.

Been getting a regular viewer of my “secret” diary from Enfield, CT, not very far from Stafford Springs where Kim lives. They even have the same provider. Could it be her? Why would she suddenly allow herself to be tracked after going out of her way not to since I dumped her?

SUNDAY, AUGUST 11, 2013 Saw 3D on our new TV for the first time ever and wow! Just wow! I didn’t expect it to be that impressive, but OMG! It was incredible. It almost made me wish we’d gotten a 96” TV, but it was still amazing on our 42”. There was a scene in a forest with bugs flying about. You’d swear the bugs were flying around the room! Some of the plant leaves appeared to extend out of the screen, too. A person was running toward the camera, stopped suddenly and kicked up dirt that you’d swear was going to be flung right at you.

I’m definitely looking forward to watching TV instead of reading or listening to music while on the treadmill. The only problem is I can’t hear much dialogue unless I blast it, so wireless headphones are a must. Even standing in the middle of the room and with a TV this big, it seems a million miles away.

In last night’s dream, I was walking down one of the streets here when some lady pulled up and asked, “How’s your monster?”

I looked at her confused and said, “My monster? What monster?”

“Your house, silly!”

“Oh,” I said, “it’s fine. Very spacious. 1550 square feet.”

“1550?” she goes. “Lady, your monster is 1800 square feet.”

Funny cuz that’s what the Italian lady at the pool said. I doubt it’s that big, but it’s definitely not 1300.

Tom and I talked about the various ways we may arrange the cavernous living room. It’s almost too big, but then again so is most of the place, LOL. The master bath is as big as the trailer bedroom was. We still have tons of empty drawers, cabinets and closet space. We could never even use most of the counter space we’ve got in here. My desk is in the corner of the living room and when I turn to look at the opposite wall behind me it seems so, so far away. Even the windows are a place one could get lost in.

Tom wants to get one of those flying toy helicopters to play with in the living room where the cathedral ceilings are. Better turn the ceiling fan off first, LOL.

Only one wake-up call last time around. Tom still thinks I’ll adapt. I still think I’m the lightest sleeper in the world and I don’t know why. Why can so many people sleep through so much shit without sound machines while I can’t sleep through shit with sound machines???

At barely a quarter to 5am the first of the loud vehicles started up, but then it went quiet again and I remembered it was Saturday. Come Monday, though, and the trucks will be back to coming and going every few minutes. But that’s just life in a big and busy park.

Still getting familiar with the Atkin’s diet and slowly eliminating processed foods and other no-nos like bread and some starchy foods that the diet doesn’t allow. I’m not always sure how to tell if something’s been processed or not, though I know I can’t have any battered or breaded meats. I just learned that those meatballs I’ve been having are not acceptable cuz they’ve got fillers. Same with things like hot dogs. Cheeses are acceptable but not cottage cheese. I’m just trying to up my activity levels and keep all the numbers (carbs/cals/fat/sugars) low except for the protein count and not make this diet any more complicated than it already seems.

I feel bad for a friend of mine who recently started blogging and is getting spammed, bullied, critiqued, judged and ridiculed in every sense of the word. I have tried to convince her to just ignore this shit and to disable comments, but she doesn’t want to block those with kind, positive and interesting things to say. I can relate! I’ve had to deal with every spammer, scammer and joker imaginable. That’s why I disable comments where I can and ignore messages where I can’t, though people are welcome to contact me on Facebook or Ask.

There will always be people who want to control and change us and who think they know us and how we “should” be when in fact they don’t know shit. Instead, they make false judgments, twist our words, or say we said things we never said. You just can’t make some people get things they’re just too stupid to get (or maybe don’t want to get). An observation is NOT always a complaint. People who complain don’t necessarily LIKE to complain but merely aren’t afraid to address the negatives in life as well as the positives. Those who see bad DO see good as well. Those proud of their accomplishments do NOT necessarily think they’re better than others. Those who may have unique experiences to tell are NOT always liars. Those who choose not to give so freely are NOT always selfish. Those who aren’t fans of God HAVE A RIGHT to follow their heart/beliefs. Just because someone does something you don’t do does NOT mean they’re bad, it just means they’re different than you.

But as I told my friend, people are always going to have a problem with anything you may say, think, believe, wear or do. For every person that agrees that honey goes well in tea or who doesn’t give a shit that I may say so, someone else will be quick to insist I’m evil for saying and thinking such a thing.

It’s a waste trying to reason with, defend or explain yourself to some folks, I also told her, because once they’ve made up their minds to believe a particular thing, nothing’s going to change that. Some people are just set in their ways and they don’t always want to hear the facts. Instead, they feel it’s their duty to try to get you to be how they think you should be, and they seem to like to take undue credit for influencing you in directions they never really influenced you in. So any attempts to try to talk some sense into them and to get them to see what’s really true vs. what’s not is often like talking to the walls. No matter how hard you try to slap some people into reality, it’s a place many refuse to ever visit! As I would tell any writer, though, don’t let it stop you from expressing yourself! Those who judge are often miserable people. If others who choose to read our stuff on their own free will can’t handle it, well, that’s THEIR problem. So why make it ours? Just the fact that some trolls choose to remain anonymous and won’t even identify themselves (honestly) is usually enough to tell you something right there.

Later…

I dyed a crème colored blanket and a white shirt dark purple. Only the shirt came out dark purple, though. The blanket is pale pink. Maybe I should’ve gotten turquoise or lemon-yellow dye.

Last night I was shocked to have gotten knocked offline twice. The second time might’ve been because my computer crashed and not because the connection dropped. This is the second crash in half a year. Tom and I wonder if the new Firefox browser is to blame for it.

What sucks more is how much “high speed” internet really isn’t all that high speed. It’s great to be able to stream music and videos and to really have cut-outs, but most of the sites I go to are at the same speed they were in Auburn. Today’s overloaded servers make things way slower than when I first started sweeping in ’05. I’d “Shazam” by the 50s, but now I can only Shazam open 15 sweeps at a time in my My Sweeps section and that alone takes 5 times longer than it would’ve taken when cable was fairly new.

I emailed the guy running the Glyteratti sweep to let him know the free Golden Fire ring worth $55 I was supposed to get for ordering within 48 hours wasn’t included with the necklace I won. Or that I won $20 off of. Then I got some lame reply about how it looks like there were some issues with the previous email they sent. In other words, they never intended to send the ring. Oh well. I probably couldn’t have gotten the $55 it was supposedly worth anyway, since everyone wants something for nothing. If I had to start all over again, though, I would forfeit this win. The necklace is ok, but was it really worth the $22 we paid for it?

Had a dream last night that hopefully means Tom will soon be getting another raise at work. I don’t know where the hell we were going or what it was, but we were about to sell mass quantities of something.

“Will we get rich off this?” I asked him in the dream.

“Not rich, but we’ll be pretty well off.”

Well, we’re pretty well off in reality, but the more the merrier. You can never be well off enough, as I learned the hard way.

I also had a dream where I felt two huge lumps on the sides of each of my breasts, something that couldn’t suddenly just happen. The odds of both breasts in the same spots aren’t realistic either. I didn’t seem worried about it in the dream and wrote it off to the little lumps of fluid that we often get during PMS, which is why we get sore there.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 10, 2013 Sure enough, “No one” completely ignored my request that she not contact me again and sent me her usual complisults. She might not have received it, but chances are she’s simply ignoring it just like she’s ignoring the fact that just because I may have things to complain about doesn’t mean I don’t see the good I’ve got going for me. Maybe she just doesn’t want to see it any more than the fact that I really don’t care to hear from her. I haven’t responded to her message. Hopefully, she’ll think – or at least wonder – if I bothered to pick it up since I said I wouldn’t read anything from her.

I don’t know why she feels so compelled to get me to “see” that I complain. Does she think it’s her duty or something?

“you seem to love to wallow in the bad as opposed to the good that does happen, as you’ve said yourself.”

I never said that. I never said I “love” to wallow in bad things; I said I wasn’t afraid to address the bad in my life.

“Finding balance is hard when you’re slipping off the edge. Hope you get some sleep.”

What edge?

"You really are whimsical with words. I think that’s why I’ve continued to read, even though your pessimistic outlook grates on me like nails on a chalkboard…and if nothing else, I’ve at least made you aware of just how much you complain. Look. I know most of us end up with shitty deals in the card game of life. I know you, especially, have dealt with some crazy ass shit in your life. However, focusing on it, feeding it, nurturing it with your attention is just a surefire way to keep it hanging around. It’s like throwing emotional chum in the ocean of life and expecting the shark of shit to NOT come swimmin’ on by. I’m sorry if my words were harsh or sharp. I simply wanted to point out that despite your wonderful husband, beautiful big new home, and a thriving imagination (which is really the secret to a great life), you seem to love to wallow in the bad as opposed to the good that does happen, as you’ve said yourself. I obviously don’t expect your entries to be 100% fluff and bullshit sunshine, but it frustrates me that you can’t see the good all around you, and that you spend so much of you creative energy complaining about mundane, everyday, we-all-deal-with-this-shit stuff. Sorry. Didn’t mean to ramble. I just wanted to clarify a bit. And really, I’m glad you’re paying more attention to the negativity you put forth. Finding balance is hard when you’re slipping off the edge. Hope you get some sleep."

Heard from my textbook stalker again, too. The one that once sent me text they copied from a psych book on sociopaths and narcissistic behavior. It’s from the book Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Dr. Robert D. Hare, Ph.D.

In between a numbered list of behavioral traits are notes this doctor has supposedly added, but I believe the sender edited some of it, like with this next paragraph.

"In addition to the above two lists of traits, the biggest trait (or magic trick as I like to call it) that makes narcissistic sociopaths so dangerous and effective is their ability to go unnoticed by the rest of us or society. They can do this, because they are good at pretending (lying) and wearing many,many masks (again, lying). Simply put, they lie to themselves and everyone else. They lie so much that some of them are convinced of their own lies, and even try to live them out, which is where evil is born."

The start of this paragraph may be the doctor’s words, but “many,many masks?” And without a space between the words many? It’s also hard to believe a doctor would use the words, “which is where evil is born.”

At the end is a section that says, "This type of person will tell you things to get you to forgive them and then say they never said that. While they are really still secretly carrying on one of their hidden manipulations, because they know they have this secret hidden hatred towards you. This is a tactic to play mind games with their victims."

This too, doesn’t sound like the words of a doctor. But who could it be??? I’m totally stumped on this one and I realize it could be anyone. ANYONE. I thought of sharing it with Alison, and then I quickly stopped myself. I just can’t always know who’s really friend, foe or random joker, even if I sure think I do. Even if there’s only half a percent chance someone close to me is behind it, that half a percent is still there. Looming over my head like a storm cloud. And so this too, will be kept private.

It came in at 12:30 am my time. Andy was up at this time because I’d just run into him on Facebook. Maliheh’s known to be up that late, but 3:30 am may be a bit late for Kim.

If the sender did add in the thing about the trying to get people to forgive them while having a secret hidden hatred, why? Who would customize such a thing? The only ones I’ve asked to forgive me in the past were Andy and Maliheh. Kim the nurse, sort of, but I received the first copy of this before I friended her. Would Andy or Maliheh think I did/do secretly hate them? Maliheh may just say that cuz I dumped her in the end (though technically she dumped me first), but if this is Andy’s work, then wow, his trust issues run deeper than I realized. I don’t think it is, though.

I still wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if it were connected to Kim, Molly or Kathy, but again, I realize it could be anyone – Dorene, Maliheh, Andy, Alison, the sickos in Arizona, Adonis, etc.

The message was sent from SociopathsCanNeverLetThingsGo@ndContinueToReliveEverythingAsPartOfManipulationFactors.com

So it is someone I’ve mentioned in either present or past entries that doesn’t like being mentioned? Clearly, this is someone harboring a lot of hatred for me. I just can’t believe this is a random joker. No, it’s someone with a grudge against me. Mary? But I didn’t try to get her to forgive me for anything because I never did anything wrong to her.

If it’s someone who’s sick in the head like Kim or Molly, then there’s no rationalizing or making sense of their words. In their minds, they could really believe I tried to get them to forgive me for something. It doesn’t seem like anything the trolls would take the time to copy and paste, but I wouldn’t put it past Kathy or someone connected to Molly. Really wish I’d saved the first “textbook” message so I could compare the two.

Also, what am I “reliving” and what am I trying to “manipulate?” Every time I think I’ve found a reason why a certain person may’ve sent it to me, I find a reason to think they didn’t. I can’t believe Dorene would read my diary, but this is something she would send. Also, if the sender added anything in, they write fairly well.

The person clearly thinks I can’t let things go and am out to play mind games. I haven’t mentioned Kathy and haven’t been contacted that I know of by her and her people in a while, so it doesn’t make sense that it’s her as much as it does.

The black bitch wouldn’t want to leave a trail from her computer to any accounts I use, of course, but I don’t doubt for a minute she’d get her friends after me. That’s what she did in Arizona with the notes and calls. Well, I’ve certainly been posting shit about my days of her tormenting me, but if the part about forgiving was truly added, she’s the last person I ever tried to seek forgiveness from because I’m about as innocent of any wrongdoing to her as my rats are. I also haven’t contacted her in nearly two years, so no one can say I’m trying to fuck with her in any way.

I suppose that in time if I keep refusing to mention them or give them a reaction in any way, they’ll either get sick of me or they’ll get more determined to get my attention, even if it may mean identifying themselves.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 9, 2013 Got less than an hour before I enter the sweeps that came in on the 9th. No win notices today, but you don’t get many at this time of month anyway.

I’m struggling to catch up on things, but lately there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in a day. I haven’t been to my old Ask account in days. Once this damn proofreading and posting of old journals are done, that will free up some time. Maybe then I’ll get back to my story writing.

I’m happy in the head, but yucky in the rest of me right now. Where my PMS is usually a 6 or 7 as far as how bad it is, this one’s a 10. My back aches like hell and for the first time ever pain relievers are worthless.

The fucking trucks in back still wake me up at times, too. Most of them are park workers, the rest are a combination of delivery and service trucks. We also hear daily yard work. Still, the amount of noise you hear here is reasonable for the number of people whereas the amount of noise we heard in Auburn was not at all reasonable for just one person. Instead of hearing the same few sounds that go on and on for hours at a time, now it’s more like many sounds that don’t last long. Despite any annoyances here, it’s WONDERFUL knowing I’ll NEVER again have to listen to barking for 10 minutes a day let alone for 10 hours like would be the case before Jesse stopped working and before he got a roommate to shut the mutts up on Go Out and Get Laid Nights. It is also WONDERFUL to know I can crash in the mornings when I’m on nights and not have to worry about him coming down to pester me, even if the traffic sort of helps make up for it. But I don’t have to go to the door and acknowledge anyone in any way. Things can happen on OUR time and when WE say they will unless it was an emergency. Yes!

It’s dead quiet at night here, but for daytime sleeping, I’m going to add foam earplugs to the sound machine. I’m sure they’ll do the trick and I don’t mind wearing them. Wax plugs work better but only if I’m sitting upright. I can’t get a good seal when I lay on my ear.

I only had one bad dream, which was a little sad and scary. I was living in a cottage-like house with 5 or 6 other women. It was almost like I was young again and they were some of my VH sisters, though it was in modern times. A vicious storm erupted and someone came in a van to bring us to safer ground since we were out in the woods. It almost looked like Jesse’s place. Anyway, I got into the van, placed my purse on the seat and then ran back into the cottage to pee. When I came out of the bathroom I saw that everyone had left without me.

I tried not to panic as the storm worsened and I realized I could be left without power for days and maybe run out of food and freeze to death. I dropped to my knees and prayed to God to back the storm off and let my purse safely find its way back to me, untouched. Instead, the storm grew even more fierce and I fell asleep. When I awoke I ran to a laptop that was set up to check the weather before the power could go out, but on my way, a strange light outside caught my attention. I peered through the blinds hoping to hell they were the headlights of someone coming to pick me up, but instead, I saw that it was just tons of lightning. I woke up as the rain beat on the window and blurred my vision of the outdoors.

We got the TV mounted. The bracket’s super long screws would go right through the thin little walls of Jesse’s place, LOL. We discussed possible ways to set up the living room. Meanwhile, tomorrow marks one wonderful month at LV!

THURSDAY, AUGUST 8, 2013 Had a long, productive and fun day, even if an hour of it was spent in the dentist’s chair. Shannon took x-rays and we made small talk along the way. She too, moved to Citrus Heights recently. She was amazed to learn I’m 47. She thought I was 37 (that’s what the realtor thought). She said my skin is in excellent condition and I have no wrinkles at all.

“That’s cuz I’m fat,” I said, and she cracked up laughing. I also told her I recently started the Atkin’s diet. Turns out she was once on that too, and got really slim on it. The diet focuses more on low carbs than low cals cuz when we have more carbs, more of them get stored as fat. I still have to watch my calorie intake, though. Unfortunately, it can’t be over 1000 a day, but having more protein, another thing Atkins stresses, helps reduce cravings and keeps you fuller longer. I’m still having some frozen/processed foods, but not as much. Then again, I’m not having as much of anything.

Dr. H came in at that time and said, “You look beautiful today.” That was a nice compliment even to one who cares more about health than looks these days. The doctor and the rest of the staff are super nice.

I told them I’m back to winning again and asked Dr. H if she’d been to my blog (I gave her the link during my last visit along with my win list which she was curious about) She said she had and mentioned me being famous. LOL

I don’t know how often she follows me, so I’ll be careful what I say in public, even if it’s all positive things anyway. Like I said, they’re very friendly and they do a great job. Today I had just a cleaning and she got all the nasty build-up off my lower i-teeth. This was caused by the permanent retainer that’s cemented in back there. For many years I wasn’t able to get to a dentist so they got neglected badly.

Gotta go back on the 20th unless one of our schedules prevents it. This appointment I’m not exactly looking forward to. I’m not a fan of Novocain and deafening drills stuck in my mouth for what seems like forever, but I have two teeth that need work. One needs a filling and the other needs a crown. It’s something like $800 worth of work but we’ll only pay $200 of it. Fortunately, my wonderful, patient, loving and understanding hubby can make that in about a day.

They even scheduled my next cleaning for February, which will be around the time of my next eye exam, another thing I’m not looking forward to. I worry the doctor’s going to tell me my OH is still hanging around. If it is, that could mean bad news for me in the future, especially if it’s worse. Torturous treatments may one day be necessary to keep me from going blind. Gosh, I hope not!

After the dentist, we got a basic membership at our local Sam’s Club and picked up a new 42” Vizio TV and some Crest Whitening strips. They taste like peroxide, but that’s pretty much what they are. I also got a new wind chime to put in front. It hangs off the awning.

Things are still going well here and we’re getting more and more done around the place a little at a time. I just wish there was less yardwork going on. They were so loud across the street when I got up that it could easily be heard in back of the house. I thought it was next door at first. Tom said the guy had been at it for over an hour. Over an hour to do that little lot?!

I wasn’t too tired today, and again I slept well and didn’t have any nightmares. It’s going to be nice being able to take a break from alarms for a while and just let my body get as much sleep as it needs.

I have sooo much to do tonight! Gotta get this posted, get sweeping, and much more. Oh, and if you’re a Facebook friend of mine, I’m not checking the news feed as thoroughly as I once did. Too much spam to weed through and not as much free time. So if there’s something you really want me to see, be sure to let me know or post it to my wall.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 6, 2013 Waking up to find my third win in two days helped brighten my foul mood. I won a $20 Glytterati Gift Certificate plus a free Golden Fire ring worth $55. I’ve narrowed my choices down to 3 pendants.

Other than this I’ve been having a real pisser of a day. Sorry, “No one,” but I must, must, must do nothing but bitch during the rest of this entry. :)

Barely 5 hours into my sleep a loud truck woke me up and it took me an hour and a half to fall back asleep. I also ended up sleeping an hour later than I’d have liked to.

I don’t understand all this traffic we got going in back here. And it’s not like they can just breeze on by either, cuz there’s a speed bump back there. Why so many loud trucks? We’re in a retirement community, for God’s sake, so where are all these large vehicles going? I thought car doors and landscaping would interfere with my sleep at times, not loud UPS-type trucks. I had even turned the sound machine up louder too, yet I could hear the rumbling over it. It’s like being back on a busy street minus the loud car stereos.

If I could only sleep at night every night!!! I could try to “justify” God siccing this sleep disorder on me and telling myself that He only gave it to me to keep me from working outside of the house, cuz if I had been lucky enough to be out there working with everyone else, a disgruntled employee would’ve come in one day and gunned me and everyone else down. Yeah, that’s the only reason He gave this to me. rolls eyes He’s just looking out for me, right? Well, others are welcome to believe what they want to believe, but I feel I would only be kidding myself if I truly believed that. Yeah, sometimes something up there may truly look out for us, but other times its intentions are solely to harm, curse and punish. I know this is a scary pill for most to swallow, but I’m only going by my own personal experience. Not everything that happens to us is for the better. What justifies the killing of innocent children? I think things may be meant to be and they may happen for a reason, but can all of them be for a good one?

I also realize we can’t help our beliefs and that while things may happen to influence them, our beliefs aren’t usually something we can pick and choose any more than we can pick what colors and flavors we like.

To make matters worse, I kept waking up a million times either just because or due to bad/weird dreams. The scariest was learning that the crazy terrorists attacked most of Europe and my first thought was, “Nane!”

There were other weird dreams like waking up in the master bedroom of the second house I grew up in back east to a loud thump. My dream self feared someone had broken in but was too tired to go investigate.

Something must’ve happened to Tom in one dream because my sister took me in after we sold this place, and I worried about what I would do when I could no longer hold my schedule on days and the money from the house ran out. Tammy tried to assure me that I could get a home job that could be done at any time of night or day.

Anyway, this is a definite, definite curse from above that makes life very hard. Really, it takes a lot of hate to sic this on someone, though I know it’s better than being blind or paralyzed.

So tired, cranky old me gets up to face a day of insatiable PMS hunger that only us women can understand. Then she gets to listen to the annoying buzz of landscaping. I wish they’d designate all landscaping projects to just one day of the week only. That way we could know we’d have the rest of the week to live in peace other than traffic noise. Tom said he could hear it when he was out watering and said it was a super loud edger that was actually coming from a block away. Wow, I’m glad that thing doesn’t live right next to us!

When I found a notice on our door yesterday I was like, oh no, now what? Well, they have cleanup days 3 times a year. This is when they pick up not trash or recyclables but things like old furniture and appliances and things like that.

Tom thinks I’m just having trouble sleeping now due to the stress of trying to hold my schedule for my Thursday dentist appointment and having PMS. I hope he’s right. He usually is. After all, I usually sleep just fine here. Only the first few days was it hard, but that’s to be expected in a new place. Just wish there wasn’t as much traffic, but had we been on a dead-end God would’ve made sure next door DID have an edger as loud as the one a block away. He really would, No one, He really would.

Later…

I chose the pink stacked garden butterfly necklace with the discount I won, and will probably flip the free ring that comes with it.

Slept better last night and wasn’t plagued with nightmares or anything like that. I can still hear the loud trucks rumbling by over the sound machine, which is the only real negative to the place. By late afternoon, though, it’s dead quiet. Most of the loud vehicles pass by in back in the mornings. Other than scattered yard work, you don’t hear much here.

I’m now down 5.2 pounds and am looking forward to getting my dentist appointment out of the way tomorrow. After that, we’re going to pick up a new 42” TV that’s more compatible than the 32” one I won in 2008. That one was worth a grand at the time, but the TV Tom likes is half that.

Maybe I’ll also find a wind chime I like for hanging in front.

Having high-speed Internet has been both wonderful and disappointing. It’s great that we can stream so much easier without having to wait for things to buffer, and it’s great not having the connection cut in and out and in and out, but many sites are disappointingly slow due to a combination of slow servers and ads. It used to be that the ads were built into the site, but now the ad hosts have to call up other sites when you access them and that helps to slow things down more than it used to when we last had cable in 2005.

MONDAY, AUGUST 5, 2013 Day 1 of sweeping and I’m already a winner. They’re small wins, but they’re WINS! A coupon for a ThermaCare product, and some Brew Over Ice samplers/tumblers. I’ve already won an ARV of over $20. Someday it will be thousands!

Up in Auburn where we used to live was a place with tons of dumpsters set up to take cardboard. We’ve got so damn much of it Tom said it just may be worth the half-hour drive to get rid of it since there’s only so much we can throw in the recycle bin, which only gets picked up every other week.

I joked about him egging the Harley while he was at it, or maybe going up to the house and asking if he got the rent ok, and just totally playing with his head, LOL. When the Jes pest goes, “But you moved!” we could be like, “No, we didn’t.”

Tom thought it would be even funnier (if Maryann’s already picked up the shed) to go up there saying, “Someone stole our shed!” haha

I had just turned my head when the rats knocked over the pail by my desk. They were pulling out tea bags, tissues, and napkins and sifting through the goodies when I scolded them away. They ran behind the drapes for a few minutes, LOL.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 4, 2013 Slept well enough and didn’t wake up nearly as tired as I expected to. I’ve also lost a total of 4 pounds. I was sure to load up on protein, fruits and veggies this week, which is what Atkin’s calls for. I did get some processed and packaged foods, but not much.

Had a dream Tom was laid off and that’s a scary dream to be having if you’re like me. Tom says it’s so unlikely with all the OT. Also, they’ve been bringing back people they’ve laid off, not letting people go. Still, I don’t need to be having these dreams. You don’t need to be rich to live here but you sure as hell couldn’t live here on minimum wage either.

Went to the pool again yesterday and saw that the clubhouse and pool parking lots were packed. I thought, wow, the pool sure is crowded today! After all, it was in the 90s and on a Saturday. But once we stepped out of the car we could hear some boring country music spilling out of the clubhouse. Just one person was by the pool sunbathing, and I wondered why so many people would rather be indoors listening to that crap than out there enjoying the pool and sunshine, even if the sun isn’t as healthy as many people think it is just because it feels good and gives us a tan (or a sunburn in my case).

The sunbather wasn’t close by, and not having my bifocals, I thought it was Joy at first. Then I thought it a bit strange that Joy would be off sunning by herself, especially with an event going on. I then thought it was the Italian hottie across from us, but when she got up when we were finishing up with our swim about 15-20 minutes later, we saw that she was Italian (and even admitted this when I complimented her tan), but not the hottie. The hottie’s a little taller and slimmer. Turns out she looked at this house a year ago and while she loved it, she got a really good deal on another place.

So much for thinking the swim would perk me up. Instead, I came back so drained from the sun itself that I had to fight to keep from taking a nap and screwing my schedule up even more. Sure enough, though, it wasn’t till after dark that I perked up. One thing to help that is that this professional sweeper went back to sweeping! Yeah, I was a pro sweeper who once won thousands of dollars in cash and prizes. It paid the equivalent of a part-time job, and then the economy soured and I had to hang it up a while. I don’t know if I can win like I used to due to all the competition out there these days, but we’ll soon find out.

Tom got our wireless color laser printer up and running again, connected the Kindle to the Internet, and now he’s going through the storeroom. In rearranging it and going through what things they left behind while working his stuff in, he learned that the guy who lived here was a financial planner. He also smoked pipes since he found a cigar box with pipes in it, along with some handy tools. He just said he thinks he may be able to use my old desk in there, and I’m glad the white pickup that parks in front of the house next door doesn’t live next door. It’s kind of loud. Almost Jesse kind of loud, but at least he doesn’t sit there gunning it for 10-20 minutes like the Jes pest would.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 3, 2013 It’s getting harder and harder to get up, though my appointment isn’t until Thursday. Wish I was one who could fall asleep earlier to make up for lost sleep, but that almost never works for me. I considered skipping the alarm tomorrow and just letting my body catch up and get all the sleep it needs, but that would only make it even harder the next day. Ugh! So frustrating. Half the time I do fine with 8 hours, but the other half I need 9 or 10, which makes it even harder. I’ll probably crash tonight around 4am and need to sleep till around 2pm, but I really should be up no later than noon. I can’t have my schedule jumping ahead that fast this soon. I’m usually ok once I’ve been up an hour, but I’m still feeling fuzzy-headed right now.

The intense hunger pangs don’t help, but I’ve lost 3 ½ pounds so far, so it’s worth it. I can already see and feel a difference because I’m so short. One won’t usually lose much weight if they don’t cut calories, especially older women, so it’s either be hungry or be fat. I don’t mind being fat from an appearance standpoint. I have a husband and good friends that would love me no matter what, so I don’t give a shit about looking fat. I’m not young and looking to date either. It’s when it starts affecting my mobility and overall health that I draw the line. We’re supposed to have extra weight when we’re older, though, so it’s going to get harder and harder. If I think of this endeavor as a whole I’ll go out of my mind, LOL, so I’m just taking the one-day-at-a-time attitude.

yawns Between the lack of sleep and food I’m rather tired today, but with my shit luck, I’ll be wide awake later on and wishing I could fall asleep a couple of hours early.

Other than lost sleep and hardcore dieting, things are great. Tom and I took a dip in the pool after work yesterday and it was so nice even though the water was cooler than I’d ever felt it to be. We had a couple of days where it dipped down into the 80s. A couple of women were sitting on pool noodles chatting, but they didn’t speak to us. One was in her 50s and the other was in her 60s, from the looks of it.

Even though we weren’t there long, we got a little burn. After our swim, we headed toward a nearby green area with a bridge over where the gully runs. I’m not looking forward to it being cold, cloudy and rainy, but I do miss the rain. It’s just so rare here, especially from May to October.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 2, 2013 How interesting it is to be friended by Ellen, daughter of the former Valleyhead owners who was a living hell for me and many others before the FBI finally shut the “school” down in the ‘90s. Never had any problems with Ellen, though, and I don’t know much about her other than that she’s a lesbian. We have a few mutual friends, which is how she was able to add me, but why now? Someone in her area visited my blog, so I wonder if it has to do with that. Let me guess, she friended me in hopes of getting my VH bashings out of public much like Maliheh friended me to keep her name out of my book. God knows people can’t just ask, right? Then again, only she knows why she friended me and maybe it’s not under false pretenses at all. Time will tell.

It’s been a very quiet day save for the garbage truck going through. Sorry, “No one,” that I don’t have complaints to fill this entry with.”

Then again, I kinda do. These trash cans are too damn skinny! Even one bag can get stuck in it and that’s what happened to us last week. After I spilled a full trash bag into it, took the bag back inside to dump the rats’ bedding in it, then took it back out and loosely added that as well, it was already ¾ full. We still have their trash to get rid of us as well like old rags, wicker baskets, broken lamps, etc.

Came down 2 pounds thanks to yesterday’s near-crash diet at just 700 calories, excluding drinks. It was tough, hunger and fatigue-wise. But can I do it over and over again till I get 40 or so pounds off of me? I have my doubts but I sure am going to try my best. A doctor may find my thyroid is a bit off, yes, but only I can help myself. Not any fantasy angel, magical fairy, mythical God, magic pill, amazing person… just me. So that means more exercise and less food. I’m not going crazy with the exercise, though, cuz that would make me hungrier. I’m doing just enough to keep active and strong. Believe it or not, I still do have a lot of muscle buried underneath all this fat. Going swimming with Tom when he gets in from work, so that will give me some exercise right there.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 1, 2013 Sure enough, the longer we’re here, the more I hear. I guess one of the houses across the street recently sold, according to the newsletter that was delivered yesterday, and so there have been some service trucks doing whatever around the place. I could see that one of them was an electrician.

Then the guy next door started with the blower, and well, sometimes I wish the mornings were a little quieter. What’s important is that it’s nothing that could override the sound machine and wake me up and that we no longer have to deal with pesky landlords.

I was a bit worried for a minute when I read the newsletter and saw that they were to be grinding streets one day, paving them the next, then striping them the next day. I was like, what are we, back with the Jes pest and all his annoying projects? But then I saw it wasn’t the whole park they were going to be doing in a couple of weeks, but just one street.

Chatted with my overseas hottie and now Tom should be home anytime now.

I have found that cutting back on food is much like when I’d try to cut back on smoking many years ago. It doesn’t last long. You either smoke or you don’t. So now I’m applying the same attitude towards eating. I know it will stunt my metabolism even more, but sometimes the healthier route fails to work and then we resort to the unhealthier route. The hunger and fatigue is a killer, though I did have a drinkable kiddy yogurt a while ago.

I love that I can turn my head and see this beautiful pink rose bush right outside the window. I just wish the bushes in front were a little higher as that would add privacy.

Now someone’s working on something across the side street. :( And I thought I escaped the hammers and the saws forever. Goes to show that if you’re me, the past will always return to haunt you. :(

Later…

What’s with the hypocrisy tonight? I get messages from this woman from time to time and every single one of them has been to complain about something I wrote in my own blog. What, does she think it’s her duty to critique and judge me? Tonight she’s complaining that I complain too much, thus being guilty of the exact same thing. Never does she point out the many positive things I’ve had to say, though she did say I was a good writer. Yeah, well, that’s very nice of her but if she doesn’t like what I have to say, then maybe she needs to go read someone else’s blog. It’s fine that not everyone agrees with me and all that, but no one has a right to judge me or try to change me. If I want to change something about myself it will be for me and me only. Not for society, not for any group, not for any person, and not to be “normal.” Also, just because I may point out a service truck doing something that was a bit distracting doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a complaint but just an observation I’m making. Still, I make NO apologies for how I am. “Never apologize for being you,” someone advised me years ago and that was the best advice I was ever given. I realize I may say, think, feel, believe and do things that some would consider different or just downright wrong, but I’m me. Period. And I’m not about to apologize for being who I am! :)

Regardless of how others perceive my words, the place went dead quiet after 3pm like it usually does. It’s so wonderful and peaceful other than the usual landscaping sounds you’d expect to hear in a nice neighborhood during the morning.

Andy recommended I get weekly massages cuz I sometimes have backaches, but nah. I’d only like them when I was sore and it’s not really a high priority. I’d rather save half our money and put the other half toward the house. Tom agrees though we’ll use a little of it for fun here and there. Other than nail polish and perfume, I’m not like most women who are into all kinds of things like massages, clothes, fine dining and other luxuries in life. I’m more of a simple person. I also couldn’t guarantee I’d be awake or not busy doing other things at the time of the massage. He cracks me up, though, “A hot woman rubbing my back.” But what if it was a guy?

Anyway, I look around me and I can’t believe all this is ours! I could go on and on about the wonderful points of both the house and park, but then I’d be writing till my fingers felt like they were going to break off. No, it’s not perfect any more than any other place, but it’s pretty damn close compared to how we were living before. We lived so poorly for so long that this is all the more appreciated and wonderful to us.

I try not to think of that old saying about how all good things come to an end. I don’t know why but I still get the nagging feeling that something up there did not want us to have this place. Something a lot more powerful than I’ll ever be. And sometimes I worry about being “punished” for it, especially me. If money isn’t a convenient weapon to use against us with how much he’s making at his job and what I’m generating online, I worry it – whatever “it” is – may go after my health instead. Well, the funny thing is that my feet and ankles are still swollen. I think it’s cuz I’ve been more active since getting out of that cramped old trailer, though, and that nothing serious is going on. I hope not anyway. I’ll get checked out after I finish dealing with the dentist.

If anything there have been positive changes. My schedule isn’t rolling as fast and I’m having fewer days/nights of being up 18 hours, which made it much harder to stop it from rolling. I always did say that if my schedule miraculously held steady or they came up with a cure for this thing, then with my shit luck it would be when I was too old to work. After all, I always believed I was given the damn disorder to keep me from being able to double our income. Better later than never but right now I don’t see how it could change for the better that much.

0 notes

millenialfanfictionaddiction · 3 years ago

Text

🐈Being Nekoma's Manager 🐈

Third Gym Squad Helps their

Manager Deal with a Toxic Past

Third Gym Squad (Akaashi, Kuroo and Bokuto) featuring Nekoma x GN reader

⚠️ This may contain triggering material⚠️

Warnings: mentions of abuse (nothing specified), mentions of PTSD, mentions of triggers, Swearing, Kuroo trying to figure out to get away with a crime 👀

AN: This is an Anon request. Please note that this set of HCs is about abuse and it maybe triggering. It is never ok for anyone to touch you without your consent or to hurt you.

🌠 Please Like, Reblog and/or Share to help support my writing 🌠

Chaotic? Abso-freaking-lutely

Supportive? ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY TIMES A MILLION!

Please these boys are everything 😭

They are so wholesome I cannot

I just can't, I'm signing off the internet forever

Ok I can't do that but you get it 🥰

I love them

But you know what?

They love you more 💞

Seriously when Nekoma first got their precious manager, the ever amazing YN

Kuroo thought there wasn't a team more lucky ❤️

You are so cute and bubbly ☺️ like a little cherub 👼

When you aren't being fussed upon by Kai or Yaku

You are being praised by Yamamoto and Lev 🙇‍♂️🙇

Please they all worship you

But it's Kuroo who had taken you under his wing

Please Kuroo loves it when you call him Senpai 😫

This man would lay down in a puddle of mud for you to walk across YN

But despite how cheery you might be in the publics eye, it can only go so deep

Your cheery, happy deminer had become a sort of mask 😔

Growing up, you knew your home life wasn't the best

You essentially never felt safe or cared for in the company of anyone in your home

Heck you avoided home at all possible

Thankfully being a manager for the volleyball team helped that cause

You left for school supper early and came home super late

You'd play video games with Kenma or even hang out with Kuroo, Kai and Yaku

But nobody knew why

They all just assumed that you just were a social butterfly

Nobody knew the sad truth 😔

Despite this fact, you never let on about your home life

Which is why, when summer training camp came around, you were so excited

Please you were bouncing up and down with joy as you watched all the buses pull into the lot

"Geez YN"- Kuroo 😏

"I'm just really excited Kuroo-Senpai"- YN 🤩

Enough said YN ✋️ that man already loves you

Please save some for the rest of us

I mean it YN 😐

Not only do you have Kuroo wrapped around your finger but 👀

"HEY HEY HEY WHERE'S MY YN??" -Bokuto, practically shooting off the bus to find you

"Bokuto she's her own YN"- Akaashi, following close behind because well

He likes you too 🤫😏

But you didn't hear that from me 👀

Proof is in the picture YN

And the pictures involve numerous hugs and head pats from Akaashi

Seriously he's so good at giving head pats

Tell me I'm wrong? I'm not

Bokuto and Kuroo love you because you cheer so loud for them

Akaashi loves you because you cheer loud of Bokuto 😅

When they play against each other, You are screaming so loud you lose your voice

But that's just how precious you are

Seriously Yamamoto is on such high alert with all these boys around

Between you and Kiyoko, the boys have ramped up security

When it's time for individual training, you barely get to finish your manager duties before Bokuto is dragging you to the gym

"BOKUTO LET YN GO"- kuroo, chasing after you

"No!"- Bokuto, now full on running with you

He probably threw you over his shoulder 🤣

Alaashi quick get the spray bottle or something

Now despite your home life, being in a volleyball gym has always brought you a sense of peace

I think its probably all the flying in the air and like beautiful sets 😍

It's majestic ✨️

Just watching it calms you down

Unfortunately for you, you can't control your triggers 😔

It's something you've been working hard on but it can happen unexpectedly

It's not ever your fault YN just know that!

So when you are picking up stray balls and Bokuto slams a ball hard that comes right by your head

You collapse in fear

It happens so fast, you don't have time to think

You instinctively cover your head and start to cry

Please, these boys waste no time at all

They RUN 🏃‍♂️ to you

Bokuto freaks out because he thinks he hit you 🥺

"OH MY GOD YN IM SO SORRY!! PLEASE DONT HATE ME"- Bokuto, freaking out

Voted mostly likely to panic in any situation 👉🏻 Bokuto

But Akaashi knows Bokuto didn't hit you

He's probably the first to realize somethings wrong

Kuroo is going to talk first

"YN, hey YN are you ok? What happened?"- Kuroo

He isn't going to touch you but he is going to bend down to your level

You slowly peek up from your protective ball and realize what's going on

The first thing to hit you will probably be embarrassment

But trust me YN, you have nothing to be embarrassed about!

"YN what happened?"- Akaashi

You probably won't speak but your silence gives away more than you know

I feel like Akaashi would be really in tune to stuff like this

I mean he's very in tune to Bokutos emotions right 😅

"YN has someone hurt you?"- Akaashi

Bokuto and Kuroo go completely still

Again, your silence is very telling 😔

"Come on YN, we need to get you to the coaches. Is it OK if I help you up?"- Akaashi

Pls say less ✋️

Our consent king 🤴

"It's really ok guys, just a bad flashback. I'll be fine"- You, trying to save face

Give up YN these boys are not going to back down

"Who hurt you YN?"- Kuroo

He's going to be super blunt about it

"I- I can't tell you"- You, scared of what will happen

"You're safe YN"- Akaashi

Please imma cry 😪

"My- my home life isn't the greatest"- You, slowly opening up

Please they make you feel so safe

"YN, please let us take you to the coaches. I promise, we will get you help"- Akaashi, the freaking most amazing man alive

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

They will take you to the coaches and while you talk, they will just FILL with anger 😡

Like it's radiating off them

Please they are worse than Ushijima was in season 3 when he got all fired up

Afterwards, they will walk you back to your dorm

But oh no, it's not any normal walk 😅

"Guys I really appreciate you but the coaches said they will help"- You, trying to calm the boys down

Because let's be serious YN, they are PISSED

Bokuto is literally punching the air and ready to fight

"Let me at em! Let me at em!"- Bokuto, all fired up

Akaashi isn't above letting him just do it because he's way pissed

I feel like Akaashi would be one of those people who is really quiet when they are mad

And right now Akaashi is DEAD silent

Kuroo is texting Kenma to help him find out this would be justifiable homicide 😅

BTW it's not 👀

Kuroo is still figuring out how many years he would be doing in prison if he was caught

And that's a BIG IF

When you arrive at the dorm, you give them each a giant hug 🫂

Those chemistry skills come in handy ya get me 🤫

BTW, violence is never the answer kids, these are just fictional headcannons ✋🏻

And they instantly melt 🥰

"Thank you so much for being the best"- YN

Now, you're mind might of been fuzzy when this happened ✋️ but you did it anyways

You kissed their cheeks 💋

Oh god they all die

Dead Deceased GONE 💀

"Everything will be ok YN"- Akaashi

And you know it will be

Because you have the best support squad in the world YN 💗

312 notes · View notes

ughdontbeboring · 3 years ago

Text

Stay

Syverson x Reader (WoC)

Sy adjusts to being home.

warnings: angst, ptsd (?), coping, mentions of war, smut 🥲🤷🏽‍♀️

sidenote: dammint I will finish those other wips before New Years! 😩🥲 this has been on my mind for months and I just did the outline and I hadnt been in the mood to write it but here it is! Its ANGST AF YALL! Ok so I do two things ANGST AND SMUT! Also it’s 2:30 am here and I’m at work sleepy af so yea.

do not use or translate my work anywhere BUT please do like,love,comment,reblog all that good shit if you fucks with it 🤪

Texas.

94°. It was a fucking 94° out, it may be a normal summer evening for Texas, but even after all these years she still wasn’t accustomed to this kind of dry weather, not a fucking breeze of wind in sight. Thank God the sun would be setting soon, the heat was slowly staring to break.

She shut the last bedroom door as she walked to the kitchen passing the master bedroom door, she had just finished cleaning the babies rooms. Both rooms fairly easy to clean since both children were still so young. She could relax now, the rest of the day was for her and her hubby once he finished up outside.

She looked through the cabinets for the snacks to start their binge Saturday. They usually reserved Fridays and Saturdays for their mommy daddy time since some Sundays they meet Sy’s mama for church in the morning and the evening was a big family dinner followed by time spent getting ready for the week. There was always a lot of work to be done on the ranch, though she had her own job in the near by city of San Antonio she made sure to help Sy on Sunday evenings plan the week out for his family business.

She was laying out all the snacks up on the cute tray she had for movie nights when the heavy wooden front door busted open and bounced off the wall, causing her head to snap up. He was moving so fast she hardly caught his imposing figure barreling past the kitchen and down the hallway.

“Sy?”

no response.

“Sy” she said a with a bit louder as she walked toward the hallway he just disappeared down, she could hear distant voices outside and thats when she realized the front door was still open. She moved to close it, wondering what had happened.

Before she could close the door she seen Sy’s riding lawnmower sitting idling in the middle of their lawn. Her mind started to whirl, not again.

One of the ranch workers was talking to another worker before getting off their horse and making their way towards the abandoned machine. She glanced at his face as he sent her a small almost sympathetic smile. One that no matter how kind, Sy would not appreciate. He wouldn’t want sympathy. She returned the small smile before mouthing thank you and shutting the door.

Her palms laid on the door as she took some deep breathes, sending a quick prayer that God would help her get them both past this.

Her body felt heavy, like she could feel the pain, the emotions suffocating the air as she walked down the hallway. Every step closer to their bedroom made her feel like her heart was going to beat right out her chest and die on the floor while she was forced to stay alive just to watch.

When she rounded the corner of the master suite she could make of the sound of a low buzz. If she closed her eyes she would have thought she stopped walking, everything felt at a stand still.

But her feet would not let her stop, her heart pulling her closer and closer to the heart it belongs to. That very heart stopped and squeezed in her chest at the sight before her.

His back was to her. The clippers in his hand, the buzz even louder now. Almost deafening. He was gripping them so hard his knuckles were white. His body tight, the muscles under his damp skin rolling with tension. He looked ready to pop at any moment.

His eyes, oh God his eyes broke her. She could see him staring at himself in the mirror, but his eyes were empty, so far away. No doubt replaying every moment every second of the hard things he had to do while a million miles away from home, from her. The life and duty he had lived since he was just a young man. The men he’s lost to war, the parts of himself he lost, still mourning all of it.

She had to fight back the sob that sat in her chest threatening to claw its way out. She couldn’t even stop herself is she tired as she moved forward to him slowly.

“Sy”

She waited a few feet behind him, standing to the side allowing her body to be fully visible. Though Sy would never hurt her on purpose she didn’t want to surprise him in this state.

“Baby look at me” she pleaded softly.

His eyes slowly moved to hers in the reflection. She moved forward and wrapped her hand around his wrist holding the hair clippers and the other hand resting on his back.

“Buzz?” She asked.

She watched as he shook his head yes.

“Let me help, please” she said in a gentle voice. She took it as an ok when he didn’t move to stop her as she slowly pulled him away from the counter. Once there was enough room she jumped on the large vanity, there was enough room to sit comfortably without her butt falling into the sink.

The past 2 days or so Sy had been slightly off and it made sense now. If she didn’t know the man so intimately she’s sure she wouldn’t have even noticed, that’s how well Sy hide it.

He was breathing heavy but at least he was looking at her now. Eyes watching her as she slowly brought the clippers up to his head. His hair wasn’t super long but it was getting longer then Sy had been allowed to have it since he joined right after High School. She watched the first patch of hair fall and gaged his reaction. His eyes followed it as it fell on her lap, his fingers brushing it off before looking back at her, a small nod letting her know it was ok to continue.

She let out a breathe she didn’t realize she was holding. He wasn’t in the clear but it was the first crack in the ice.

A few minutes later the last patch of hair fell, and she watched Sy look in the mirror, the icey exterior slowly melting, the warmth of a brilliant blue ocean on a summer day swirling back into his eyes.

Without warning the big bear of a man crashed into her, knocking the air out of her. A loud “oof” leaving her as he buried his face in her neck. Inhaling as his hand roamed her body.

“Hey hey, it’s ok baby” she repeated over and over as her hands ran over his tense body and scratching lately at his scalp. Her heart eased as she felt the tension slowly, very slowly start to leave his body.

“Thank you” he said startling her, she let the tears fall, he was slowly coming back.

“I love you” she replied without hesitation “always”.

She pulled him back from her neck to place soft kisses on his neck, working her way up his face, she kissed every inch on his face before landing on his lips. The salty taste of his sweat strong.

“Scooch back baby”

She jumped down from the counter and walked over to the tub. She turned on the water for a shower, her hand checking the temp. Once she was satisfied she walked back over to the father of her children and started to under dress him. She made quick work of his clothes before throwing them in the hamper, sitting his boots on the side of it. At this moment she was thankful her mother was in town and had the kids. They were having a grandparents slumber party at Sy’s mother house on the north side of the ranch.

She tangled Sy’s hand in her before pulling him toward the tub and guiding him in. She pulled her shirt and shorts off and left them on the floor before climbing in the shower with him.

She had Sy rise before working the soap into the loofah she had once she switched with him so she was standing under the water. She could feel her long box braids start to soak as she started to rub the loofah into his neck and shoulders. Taking her time as she working down each arm. She could feel his eyes burning into her.

She scrubbed his board chest and continued down, washing each strong thick leg and washing over this man hood, trying not to pull too much as she felt him start to harden slightly in her hand. She clenched her legs at the feel of his heavy cock in her hand.

Focus you hoe she lightly scolded herself.

She worked her way back up and ran up his chest, her eyes watching the suds before going over his neck and down his back. Her body pulling closer into his as she scrubbed his back. Her breathe hitching at the feel of his semi hard cock against her.

She quickly washes up while Sy rises off, his hand going to cup her breast. His thumb working over he nipple, soapy suds dripping down her full breast.

“Fuck” she moaned. Sy needs you YN! Her brain yelled, right now was not about her.

She had Sy lay down in the tub, they made sure from the beginning when the house was being built that the tub was big enough for her bear. Once Sy is comfortable, she crawls on his lap, the soap making her extra slippery.

With her straddling over his hips she grasp his cock in her hand, giving him a few strokes to get him from semi hard to just where she needed him to be. It didn’t take much, Sy’s cock growing harder and harder.

She sunk herself down into his length, slowly taking him inch by inch. They both groaned. Sex wasn’t the way to work through this, well not alone. She need Sy grounded and this was one of the ways that worked for them, after and when he was ready he would talk to her. For right now, she wanted him to feel her, ground himself, root himself deep inside her.

Once she had Sy full seated inside her, she let out a hiss at the stretch, it always took a moment to adjust. She slowly lowered her face to his. His gaze intense as he watched her every move.

Her body starting to rock, as Sy’s hand gripped her hips, pushing her into a pace he needed. Her breast brush against his hard chest as they stared into eachother eyes.

That cold ice that had went up so quick was slowly coming down more and more. She could start to feel the warmth from his body again, his body relaxing under her touch.

“I’m here, your here, your never going back so please stay here, all the way here” she whispered.

His face scrunches up for a moment as his eyes swell with unshed tears. Early retirement that been harder on Sy then they thought it would be. It wasn’t the worst case but he still had his moment here and there. That need to cut his hair as if he was going back a urge he couldn’t fight when he got like this.

It was a tell tale sign to her, their family and friends, when Sy showed up with a fresh buzz cut.

Her hips rocked harder as Sy started thrusting up into her. The feel of her tight pussy I’m gripping him in this moment just so overwhelming.

“Feel me Sy, your home baby and your gonna stay home with me and our babies, we’re all safe because of your sacrifices” she said as the tears rolled down her face again. She needed to remind him and she would whenever he needed to hear it, “you’re safe”.

“Fuck Suga” his hoarse voice said as she laid her forehead on his. Her lips pecked his check before falling to his neck, sucking gently before whispering in his ear.

“I love you Sy, you’re everything to me”

Sy groans as his fingers dig into her hips, his thrust becoming more brutal as he chased his release. She gripped his cock, her own orgasm nearing. Her mouth falling open, Sy took the chance to lick into her mouth before bitting her lip. The water from the shower head making the slapping of skin sound louder in the bathroom.

“Fucking dammint I love you more darlin’, you’re my life” He said, as his cock swelled, his milky cum spurting into her waiting warm cunt.

“Oh fuck Sy” she moaned out as her own orgasm ripped through her. Her cunt gripping at Sy’s large velvety cock. His thrusts still working them through their orgasm as her body tensed, the pleasure so overwhelming.

Sy’s thrust slowly came to a stop as YN rolled her hips gently.

She grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her. The shower water still hot as it rain down on them. Sy’s cock soften inside her.

“I know it wasn’t easy and it felt like hell on earth, the things you saw and did made you feel like you didn’t deserve it, that notice that you would be coming back for good but thank you for coming home to me, to us, you deserve this, you deserve all of this” She whispered a few inches from his face. Neither one of then wiped away the tears that blended into the shower rain.

“Bug, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me”

She smiled while cradling his face in her hands, her thumbs running over his bearded cheeks. His ocean eyes coming back to life.

Well damn

also!!!

henry would drop a sweaty selfie while Im posting this 🥲

#SY #SYVERSON #SYVERSON X READER #SYVERSON X YOU #SYVERSON X YN #CAPTAIN SYVERSON #CAPTAIN SYVERSON X YOU #CAPTAIN SYVERSON X READER #CAPTAIN SYVERSON X YN #HENRY CAVILL #HENRY CAVILL FANFIC #SYVERSON FANFIC #SYVERSON FIC #ANGST #SYVERSON ANGST #UGHWRITES #SMUT #SY SMUT #SYVERSON SMUT

251 notes · View notes

itsallyscorner · 4 years ago

Text

Bring Me Back

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Filming “Cherry” had its ups and downs for Tom. When filming finally takes its toll on him, you’re there to instantly bring him back from the world of Cherry.

Warnings: Mentions of drug abuse, PTSD, murder. A smidge of smut.

A/n: In honor of the Cherry🍒 trailer dropping, I decided to write this!

(GIF creds: @atealiers )

Any kind of project was a blessing to Tom. He loved being an actor. He was fond of telling stories through the big screen and got a kick from portraying many different characters. Acting was something he felt passionate about, it was his craft and he was very dedicated when it came to becoming his roles. Cherry was quite different from the other movies he’s been in. It was dark and contained many subjects like drug addiction, PTSD, and crime. The world of Cherry was something Tom was not used to; it was twisted. He hasn’t been exposed to things like drugs or the events that Nico Walker had been through. Which was why he was hesitant to take on the role of Cherry.

When the Russo Brothers approached him with the idea, he was excited. He was getting the opportunity to tell another story and would explore the world of a new character. Though the more he looked into it, he realized that maybe he wasn’t up for the role. Was he really ready to dive into the dark and traumatizing life of Nico Walker? As an actor, he was willing to take the job, it would give him an opportunity to expand his career and would possibly be one of his best work. As Tom, he wasn’t sure if he could handle learning or re-enacting the events that occurred in Cherry. But Tom did like a challenge, which was why he ended up agreeing to become Cherry.

He prepared himself mentally and physically pre- production. For research, he interviewed army veterans and former drug addicts to get an idea of what it was like to be in those positions. To get the look of Cherry, he did a variety of things. For example, going on a diet and losing weight, then gaining said weight again once they had to shoot the army scenes. Another thing he did was shave off the gorgeous brown curls that adorned his head. At first you weren’t too happy with his change in hairstyle, but later on you found yourself running your hands along the short strands of hair, loving the fuzzy feeling it gave your palms.

After the interviews and hearing others’ experience, Tom felt a level of responsibility to tell the story of millions of people around the world. Not only was it telling the story of Nico, but of other army veterans who suffered from PTSD and people who’ve had drug addictions. He was fully on board now and there was no looking back. He was going to push himself to the limit and to places he’s never been before.

Filming was tough. There were scenes he had to do that were so unlike him, that felt wrong, and sometimes he just had to take a step back. They didn’t feel right, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. This was his job, if he wanted this movie to be the best that it can, he was going to commit. Thankfully, he was working with the Russos, who he’s known for a while now. He was familiar with the two and they were patient with him, giving him the time to regain himself before shooting an intense scene. The cast and crew were very understanding as well, creating a safe space for him on set. Having Harry along with him helped as well, the familiarity of his brother kept him grounded and avoided him from falling into the void of Cherry. Though he had all these supportive people around him, there was only one person who could calm him down when things got suffocating on set. The only person he wanted to be in Cleveland with him but wasn’t. You. Since you had your own life and job, you were unable to fly out to Cleveland with him. Instead you stayed at your shared home with Tessa as company. All he needed was you when he felt the affects of Cherry caging in on him. Just the sound of your comforting voice over the phone could clear his head and make him breath again.

He had his bad days on set, where he would have to take a moment and hide in his trailer for a few minutes. During those few minutes he liked to be alone as he waited for you to answer your phone. The line would ring, it’d stop, then the sound of your sweet voice would be the only thing he’d hear. Sometimes you didn’t answer the first time, but nonetheless you answered eventually. It wasn’t the same as having you with him in person, you had your responsibilities, and he understood that. He just wished that one day you’d come to Cleveland. He wanted to be in your arms, stuff his face into your neck, breath in your familiar scent, he just wanted to feel you. You were his home. His safe haven. And it was all he wanted right now.

•

Glancing at your phone, you wondered why Tom hasn’t texted you yet. Not that you were itching for him to text you, but because around this time he would be blowing up your phone telling you things that happened during filming or how his day was going. You decided that filming probably went into overtime making him busy during his break. You shrug to yourself and continue working on your laptop.

You hear the sound of Tessa’s nails clicking against the floors as she enters the office of your home. You greet her with a smile as she settles herself beside your legs.

“Is it dinner time already, Tess?” You scratch her head as you glance at the time on your screen. It was currently nine at night, a bit late for dinner, but you haven’t noticed.

“Just give me five more minutes and I’ll get us dinner. How does that sound, love?” A somewhat sound of approval emits from Tessa. You get back to work, fingers typing away as you finish off the last of your work.

You finish in four minutes, finally satisfied with your work. You let out a content sigh and turn your laptop off. When you get up you stretch and let your bones crack after being in the same position for hours. Tessa joins you, stretching out her front paws then shaking her body out. You chuckle as you lead the way to the kitchen. Taking the scoop for Tessa’s kibble, you fill her bowl up, causing the dog to look up in curiosity. Once you placed the bowl down, her tail wagged wildly as she stuffed her face into her food.

You decided on going for something simple, ramen noodles. You were too tired too cook anything and ramen noodles were the quickest thing to cook in your pantry. While you waited for the noodles to heat up you checked your phone. You went through your notifications, but there were still no texts from Tom. Though you were concerned, you assumed that they had a long shooting day, making him too busy to text.

Hi love! I hope you’re doing well in Cleveland. I know you’re probably busy, but hopefully filming isn’t tiring you out too much. Have an amazing day! Don’t forget to drink some water from time to time and eat :) Tess and I miss you and love you so much! Talk soon xxx

You send the text with a smile. He won’t read it till he was free or done with filming, but you knew he’d see the message while you were asleep.

The microwave beeps, letting you know that your food was done. You end your night catching up on episodes of New Girl and eating soup. When you were done you did your nightly routine and settled in bed. You turn the lights off and snuggled under the warm sheets.

“Night Tessa.” You whisper to her. A huff comes out of her as she makes herself comfortable on the foot of your bed. When the both of you were settled, you slowly drifted off to sleep.

Buzz

The harsh vibrations of your phone shook you awake. Desperate for sleep, you blindly grab your phone and turn it off. Silence fills the room again as you turn around to stuff your face into Tom’s pillow. You were slowly drifting back to sleep when your phone began to vibrate again. With a groan you stretch back and snatch for phone off the night stand. You don’t bother looking at the caller id.

“Hello?” Your voice rasps out.

“Thank God you answered.” The person on the other line said. “I know you’re busy, but how soon can you visit Cleveland?” The deep voice was belonged to Harry.

“Uh—I’m not too sure, I’ll need to check in with my boss.” You reply. When you start feeling more awake you become curious as to why Harry can be calling you. “Why? Is everything ok? How’s Tom? I haven’t heard from him all day.”

The younger Holland sighs. He takes a moment to answer your questions making you suffer in silence, wondering what could have happened to your boyfriend. “Um, they’ve been shooting some intense scenes lately. Tom’s been trying his best but everyone’s noticed that he’s been a bit different.”

You sit up in bed feeling more awake. “What do you mean by different, Haz?”

“Well he’s snapped at the Russos quite a few times. There was this one scene, that they shot multiple times, and Tom would just break down after every one. (Y/n), I’m concerned for my brother, I don’t know what else to do. He’s locked himself in his room after every shoot. A—and I don’t know. I’ve tried to tell him that he can talk to me but he wouldn’t.” Harry explained, his voice croaked. You heart felt heavy for him. Harry was always there for his older brother, so to see him feel so helpless made you feel sorry.

“Haz, calm down, you know how your brother can get. How long has this been happening?”

Harry sniffed over the phone, “About a few weeks now. It’s only started becoming worse last week and now.”

The concern you felt for Tom grew. From what he’s been texting you, filming had been going great. He appeared happy on your FaceTime calls and sounded like his usual self. But maybe he actually wasn’t.

“Harry everything’s gonna be fine, alright?” You assure him. “I’ll call my boss first thing in the morning and when I get the ‘ok’ to leave I’ll get the first flight out to Cleveland. How’s that sound?”

“It sounds good. Can you tell me if you can make it? I’ll have someone come with me to pick you up at the airport.” His voice is quiet, almost muffled.

“Yeah I will, don’t worry.”

“Ok, thank you (y/n).” A small smile forms on your lips. You rub the sleep out your eyes as you glance at your closet. “Alright Haz, I’m gonna go now. But if there’s anything else, just text me or call.”

“I know, stay safe (y/n).” You bid him goodbye and place your phone on the empty space beside your side of the bed. Tom’s side of the bed. You bite your lip in thought as you worry about your boyfriend. You knew he was doing almost everything he can to make sure the movie came out perfect. If that meant shredding himself emotionally and physically, he was going to do it. Tom was dedicated to his work, but he’s never done anything close to Cherry, making you worried about the thoughts that could possibly be going through your lover’s head.

Tessa, who’s now woken up, waddles closer to you, sensing your uneasiness. You appreciate the dog’s gesture and pull her into your side, resting your chin on her head. You were basically sleepless the whole night. Although you haven’t emailed your boss yet, you already had a suitcase packed of your clothes. Your passport and other important belongings were already in a bag, ready to leave London.

The morning had been hectic. You’ve managed to get two hours of sleep, waking up at six in the morning. Still in bed, you sent your boss an email about a family emergency and how you needed to be out of the country for at least a week. As if the gods above knew of your situation, your boss willingly let you go, no questions asked and gave you well wishes. With that out the way, you scowered the Internet for flights to Cleveland. Luck was on your side that morning because you’ve booked a flight that took off in the afternoon. With your bags packed, you drove to Nikki and Dom’s to drop off Tessa.

Now all checked in, you were at Heathrow Airport waiting to be called for your flight. You were sat at your gate, with an iced coffee and a croissant from Starbucks, texting Harry. The two of you were discussing the time you’d arrive and how he’d pick you up. When you were both in agreement, you two decided to catch up. He had been in Tom’s trailer eating his breakfast. An hour passes and you were being called to board the plane.

You settle in your seat, but your leg bounced in anticipation. After the things Harry told you, you just wanted to have your boyfriend in your arms. You knew everything was probably getting to his head, all you wanted to do was hold him and tell him that he was going to be ok. As the plane began to take off, your lack of sleep caught up on you. Throughout the whole flight, you slept soundly, the worries of Tom subsiding for the time being.

~🛬~

The plane lands in Cleveland safely. It was night when you arrived. With your bags, you looked around the airport for a familiar curly haired boy. Harry waves wildly at you before running and pulling you into a tight hug. You laugh wrapping your arms around the slender boy.

“How’s your day been, Haz?” You ruffle his hair as he rolls your suitcase to the parking lot. He shrugs, “The usual. Was on set with Tom, ran around and got things for him, nothing much happened honestly. But you’re here now, so this is the highlight of my night.”

The two of you approach a black car with a driver inside, Harry motions for him to unlock the trunk. He lifts your case in before the two of you get into the backseat.

“How was your flight?” Harry asks you. The car began to move, exiting the airport and entering the highway.

“I slept through all of it, I don’t remember a thing about the flight besides getting on and off it.” You chuckle, leaning your head back against the headrest.

Harry nudges your shoulder, “Thanks for coming out with such short notice.” You wave him off. “It’s no worries, anything for my boys.”

The car is quiet, the only sounds that could be heard is the car’s wheels against the pavement. You turn to Harry, “How was he today?”

“He was pretty good in the morning.” Harry started. “Then filming started and he would grow frustrated after a few scenes. His temper’s been short. He snapped at me during lunch, which is normal, but I just asked him if he wanted some water. He broke down after a certain scene today, I tried talking to him but he still wouldn’t open up about it.” Tom wasn’t too open about his feelings sometimes. He struggled to voice them at times making all his frustrations and feelings bottled up in his head.

Half an hour later and you guys arrive at Tom’s rented home in Atlanta. As soon as you opened the door, you felt the heavy atmosphere. It was somber and tense, the chilliness of the weather also felt inside the house. Harry gestures up the stairs, “Don’t worry, go see him. His room is the first door on the left.”

You quietly thank him and climb up the stairs. You find his door, taking a deep breath before knocking. You hear some shuffling behind the door, “Harry I’m fine! Leave me alone!” His voice was deep, a bit scratchy. You frown at the door.

“Tom?” The room falls quiet. Suddenly you hear fumbling and the sound of heavy footsteps behind the door. The door opens and you finally see him. He was dressed in a large shirt with sweatpants. He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes, eyes glassy, and chapped lips.

“(Y/n)? You’re here?” He asks you in disbelief. A tight lipped grin forms on your lips.

“Yeah, Har—“ You were going to explain how you got there but he immediately threw himself at you. His arms wrap tightly around your figure, his head dipped into your neck, pulling your closer into him. One of your arms go around his neck while the other rubs his back soothingly. A whimper bubbles out of him, his shoulders beginning to shake. You managed to shuffle the both of you back into his room, closing the door behind you.

“You’re ok.” You whisper into his ear, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. His grip around you never falters. Though he was much taller than you, he seemed so small at the moment. His body drowned in the shirt he wore, making him look thinner. You feel tears soaking into your shirt, making your heart clench in pain. You rest your forehead against his shoulder, holding and whispering sweet nothings into his ear until he was ready to speak.

A few minutes pass until his removes his head from your neck. You frown at his tear stained face, his eyes and cheeks red from quietly sobbing into your shoulder. Your hands cup his face, wiping the trails of tears on his cheeks. Tom leans closer to your touch, his eyes shut while his lips kiss your palm.

“I’m sorry, you’re probably tired from the flight.” He apologizes but you shake your head. You lead him to his bed and sit against the headboard. Tom follows in suit, desperately trying to get closer to you. His arms wrap around your torso, his head rests on your chest, while your legs tangle themselves together.

“I’ve had plenty of sleep on the flight, how are you?” Your lips are against his short hair from holding him so close. You nails scratch softly at his hair, calming him down.

“I don’t know if I could finish it.” He quietly admits. He shakes his head at himself.

“Why’s that, Tom?” Your boyfriend takes a deep breath as he sits up, removing himself from your touch. He sits across from you with legs crossed as he holds his head in his hands.

“I—I, it’s too much. There’s so much fucked up things he’s done. And all the things he’s seen. I just—sometimes I feel like it’s me who’s committed all of those things. When we shoot the scenes in the war and when I had to do drugs and rob banks, I felt like I lost myself—“ He cries interrupting himself to take a breath in. Compared to your fingers that ran gently through his hair, his clawed at his head. His palms rub harshly at his face, turning his skin a bright tint of red. To see Tom in such pain made you sad. You hated seeing him like this.

You gently remove his hands from scratching at his face and hold them in his lap. He stares down at your hands, clinging onto them as if his life depended on it. “I get lost in the character sometimes and I have to pull myself out of it to bring me back. But it keeps on happening over and over again. Then the Russos kept telling me to reshoot the scene more like Cherry, and I lost it and yelled at them.” You feel his tears fall to your your hands, making tears well up in your own eyes. You shuffle closer to him and kiss his forehead before pulling him into you. You stay quiet, letting him get whatever he wanted to get out.

Tom’s face is against your shoulder again. He sniffs before continuing, “It’s like everyday I find something he and I have in common. Then I think that maybe I’m turning into him. I don’t want him to be part of me. (Y/n), I don’t want to be him, I don’t want to do the things he’s done.” He sobs into your shoulder. Your heart breaks at how broken he sounded. His shoulders shook again, his back burning up with tension. A few tears made it’s way down your cheeks as you pulled his face away from you.

“Look at me.” You urged him. His jaw clenched, still looking down at his lap. He shook his head in response. “Tom, please. Look at me.” Your voice cracks. He slowly tilts his head up, your eyes connecting. He didn’t have that twinkle in his eyes, it’s like they’ve lost the light in them. Instead they were dark, like there was no life behind them. There was a mix of sadness, confusion, and even fear in his eyes.

You sadly smiled at him, cupping his face with your hands. “You’re not going to be him. You never will. You’re Tom. You are nothing close to Nico or Cherry. You are the sweetest man I have known in the world, you wouldn’t even hurt a damn fly. You’re not him. I know you aren’t. You wouldn’t do the things he’s ever done even if you were forced to. I know you Tom, I assure you, you’re nothing like him.” Tom hiccups, gripping onto your wrists.

“When this is all over and you’re done filming, we can forget about him. We won’t even mention him.” You assure him, stroking his cheeks.

“What if—,” You cut him off.

“No, there’s no what if’s. You’re going to be fine Tom. You’re surrounded by people who love you and will make you realize that you’re nothing even near him. You are the kindest man ever, you love your family, you care about your fans, and your brothers. You’re busy always taking care of everyone else, I think it’s time you take care of yourself, love.” You tell him. A small smile is on your face but it falters, “You don’t have to go through this alone, Tom.”

Tom takes a shaky breath in. “You’ll be there right?” He asks like a child making sure his mother will be there when he wakes up. “You’ll be there with me to bring me back?”

Your thumb smooths the crinkle between his brows, “I always will. I promise.” He nods and pulls you into him. You climb onto his lap and settle on his legs. He stares up at you, one of his his hands supporting your back, the other pressed against your cheek. “Thank you. I missed you so much. I’m sorry for not texting, everything’s just been so taxing mentally and physically.”

“No, don’t worry I get it.” You turn your face to press a light kiss on his palm. For the first time since you’ve seen him, Tom managed to crack a smile on his lips. He moves some strands of hair away from your face before resting his large hand on the back of your head. “I love you. I love you so much, (y/n).”

“I love you too, Tom.” You whisper against his lips. He takes that as a sign to finally crash your lips together. After months being apart, the feeling of his lips against yours felt like coming home. The kiss was desperate, like it was the air you both breathed. Tom had been longing for your touch, he craved you every second of the day, whether it be sexually or just missing you. The kiss grew rough, your teeth clashing, tongues poking and gliding against each other.

Tom lays you down on the bed, hovering over you. His hands grab and stroke at your body, trying to pull off your clothes to get close to your skin. He suddenly pulls away from your lips. “I need you. Please, I need you.” He almost begs you. Panting, you nod and push him to lay on his back. “Ok, let me take care of you, Tommy.”

He yanks his shirt off, throwing it to the side. You do the same, leaning down to meet his lips again. You kiss your way along his jaw and down to his neck. When you find that certain spot, he lets out a throaty groan, head falling back against the pillows. You run your nails along his chiseled abs and slightly roll your hips against his growing length. Tom grunts, hands instantly connecting to your ass and gripping onto your cheeks. He helps you roll your hips more, deeper with more friction against you two.

“Mm, Tom. I missed you.” You moan against his neck. You bite down and soothe the spot with your tongue after.

Tom looks down at you, lifting his hips to meet your clothes pussy. “Fucking miss you so much. You have no idea how much I’ve been dreaming of being buried in you again.” You kiss your way down his chest, but Tom stops you. His hands grab onto your leggings and slide them off.

“N-no foreplay. I need to feel you.” He stutters out, mouth agape. You nod in agreement and take his sweatpants off along with his boxers. You spit in your hand, running your hand along his dick to give it some wetness. Tom helps you lift yourself over him and guides your hips down his erected cock. You let out a combination of a sigh and moan as your walls envelop and stretch around him. Tom slightly sits up against the headboard, your tightness wrapping around him. He lets out a cry of relief, your walls around him feeding his cravings. You use his shoulders as leverage to pull yourself up but Tom stops you.

“What’s wrong?” You eye him cautiously. Tom shakes his head, “Nothing’s wrong. I just—can we stay like this for a while? I just want to feel you, please?”

“Yeah, we can do that.” You send him a reassuring smile as you settle back down on him. His hands make themselves comfortable around your waist. You maneuver your arms under his and wrap them around his back. Tom smiles at you, rubbing your back and guiding you into his chest. Before you can nuzzle your face into his neck, he presses a kiss to your temple and lets his fingers get tangled in your hair.

With his eyes closed in bliss, he whispers, “Thank you for bringing me back. I love you.”

You kiss his collarbone basking in the feeling him being so close to you. “I’ll always be here. I love you too.”

#marvel #mcu #avengers #Tom Holland #tom holland x reader #Tom Holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland headcanon #Tom Holland smut #Cherry #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland drabble

2K notes · View notes

buckysgoldenheart · 4 years ago

Text

Just Us

Henry Cavill x Reader

Summary: Henry is sick and tired of you bringing dates back to your shared apartment, and he has no problem letting you know. So basically, mega jealous Henry, which I am a pathetic sucker for.

Warnings: mentions of sex, lots of cursing. I think that’s it.

Notes: this is kind of similar to another fic I did, and I try not to do that, but I just really felt the need to write this, so I did.

Words: 2732

Henry’s mood turned sour the second you walked through the door with your date in tow. You came in with a bright smile on your face that he returned with a scowl, but you did your best to brush it off. Your roommate acting like an overgrown child every time you brought home a guest was nothing new; you certainly weren’t surprised, and you had no intention of stooping to his level.

“Don’t mind us,” You called to Henry from over your shoulder as you shed your coat and draped it on the hook. “This is James.”

Henry only grunted in response, not looking up from fixing his dinner; peanut butter about to be spread messily on a slice of wheat bread. You rolled your eyes, took James’s coat and led him over to the couch where he smiled sweetly when you invited him to sit and offered him a drink.

Entering the kitchen, you opened the fridge door and pulled out two beers. “So?” You asked, your eyebrow raised as you searched for the bottle opener in the junk drawer. Henry dropped the knife with a clang on the countertop, then turned to you and crossed his arms.

“So, you just thought this was fine,” He asked, his voice dripping with aggravated sarcasm as he shrugged his broad shoulders and frowned. “Just whatever, no big deal?”

You chuckled at the weak argument you’d had at least three times before. You wouldn’t have given him the chance to say anything about your date at all if you knew he wasn’t going to hang on to it the entire night just to explode in the morning for bringing a stranger into his home. Your home too, you would often have to remind him. So, it was your mission to let him get the anger out early in the night. You’d be less likely to have to worry about it later and could focus your attention on the man sitting in your living room rather than Henry’s imminent frustration.

“Henry,” You sighed and took a sip of your beer. “As of right now, it’s just the continuation of an innocent date. We’re going to watch a movie.”

“As of right now?” Henry huffed deeply. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means that if it gets a little heated, I promise not to make out with him in front of you, but at this current time, you have little to worry about.”

He sucked in a long breath through his nostrils. “Ok, that’s—”

“And we won’t fuck on our couch. I’ll take him to my room so you don’t have to see anything scarring,” You teased with a wink.

“Ok, enough.”

“And we won’t be loud, I swear.”

“Enough!” He snapped. You quickly whipped your head around the corner to see if James heard, but he was still sitting there, playing with his fingernails as he patiently waited for you like the gentleman he was. When you looked back at Henry, he was practically quaking with anger. “Get that asshole out of my apartment.”

“Um, our apartment. And no thank you.” You smiled and cocked your head to the side as innocently as you could. “I’d like to be having sex tonight.”

“With him?” Henry pointed a long finger in your date’s general direction. The fury in his eyes could’ve stabbed James through the back of his head if the wall weren’t in the way.

You rolled your eyes. “Obviously.”

“For fucks sake, Y/N. Have some self-respect.”

Your playful smile instantly dropped, and if you weren’t leaning against the wall, you would’ve stumbled. Henry had said a lot of things before; Hurtful things, things that made you want to slap him, but something about this felt worse. Assuming you were devaluing yourself by wanting to have sex with a man who was sweet, and kind and generous, and million other lovely things men, other than Henry, have never been to you, was like a stab to the gut. Henry was your best friend; you were his. You supported his choices and dreams, and it seemed Henry did the same for you unless it came to this very particular subject. He hated every man you brought around, but bringing them around or getting involved with them did not make you a stupid girl who cannot take care of herself.

“Jesus Henry, stay in your lane, would you?” You said, shaking your head and rubbing at your temple with your free fingers. “I don’t need my best friend giving me shit. Why can’t I bring a guy here without you acting like a complete dick to him and me?”

He stepped closer until you had to look up to meet his glare. “You’re a very smart girl, Y/N. Figure it out,” he growled, then moved around you, but you grabbed his arm before he could escape yet again. Every time, he tried to escape. Every time, he stomped away from you like a grump as if you had some reason to be sorry or ashamed, and you weren’t having it any longer.

“We aren’t children, Henry. I’m not playing this game. If you’ve got a problem with me, say it to my fucking face.”

He stared at you for a long beat, but then shook your hand off him and made his way down the hall, slamming the door to his room once he was inside.

-----------------------------------------------------

James was better than most at kissing you, and you’d kissed your fair share. He knew what you wanted--how you liked things--without you needing to ask, and it was like its own little miracle. There was no fumbling around. His lips were firm and his arms around you were strong. He was confident in his touch on your skin as you straddled his lap, and all of it combined had you a moaning, whimpering mess.

“I wasn’t sure we would actually get to do this,” He said between kisses as you both tried to catch your breath.

“Why?” You lightly chuckled, your fingers skimming down to the little buttons holding his shirt together and easing one open. “I’m certainly having a good time.”

“Believe me sweetheart, I am too, but Superman there looked like he wanted to kick my ass.”

Fucking Superman. That asshole had come out of his room at random, inconvenient times as you and James lightly pawed at one another throughout the movie, and you both could feel Henry’s eyes on you. After the look he gave you the first time he came into the living room, you stopped turning your heads his way when his heavy footsteps thudded against the hardwood.

You made a low humming sound that had James’s cock twitching in his pants, and you moved your head down to peck your lips against his. “Don’t bother with him,” You whispered.

He leaned into the light scratching your nails were giving the side of his scalp, and with a groan, said, “If you say so, babydoll, I won’t give it a second thought.”

“Good.” You smiled, satisfied, then kissed him again but he pulled back barely a minute later.

“It’s just…the way he looks at you.”

“He’s a protective friend.” You snickered and ground your hips down on his a little harder to get him back on track.

He groaned as his fingers dug into your waist, but it didn’t distract him. “No, it’s not only that. It’s like…” His lips pursed trying to find the words. “He looks at you in a way that friends normally do not look at one another.”

“He’s got some weird attitude tonight, ok? It’s nothing.” Grabbing his cheeks, you forced him to look directly at you when you said, “Now keep kissing me before I get too impatient.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

At two in the morning, you figured you were safe. You figured there would be a direct and easy path to the front door of your apartment as you let James out with a smile and a goodbye kiss and promises to text one another the next day, though you weren’t sure how much either of you really meant it. And you were right, there was an uninterrupted tiptoeing to the door. It was when you turned back for your bedroom that you realized the path had a roadblock.

Henry stood in front of you, the fumes nearly visibly wafting off him, with the harshest look he had ever directed at you taking over his entire face. It was a disservice to his handsome features and made your stomach twist uneasily.

“Is this for fucking real right now?” He growled so intensely it vibrated in your ears. “Did I just see what I think I saw?”

“Jesus, Henry, you scared me.”

“You actually slept with that guy?”

“Wh—”

“Un-fucking-believable.” Laughing half-heartedly, he ran one of his hands down his face, but that was all it took for the shock to wear off and for your annoyance to set in.

“Ok, I’m done with this. What is your goddamn problem?”

The two of you didn’t fight this way. Not for long anyway, and even so, this time was significantly worse than any other. Outbursts happened for the both of you, snapping, and words you wish you could take back, but Henry was still looking at you the way he had earlier in the night; like you were a reckless child he was losing respect for by the minute, and it broke your heart.

He stared at you as if expecting you to have an answer to your own question, but when you didn’t continue, he shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck, and said, “I’m going to a hotel. I can’t be here right now.”

“What? Henry, why?”

His keys were in hand, his phone and wallet tucked into the pockets of his sweatpants, when it finally registered to you that he wasn’t kidding. He was leaving so fast he didn’t care to take anything other than the necessities with him. That’s how much he wanted to get away from you, and you hated it. You never wanted to get away from him.

Light from the hall streamed through the doorway as you finally began to follow after him. You grabbed at his t-shirt when he wouldn’t respond to your repeating calling of his name, and he whipped around fast with a frown down at you. Your mouth kept opening and closing, unsure of what to say.

He sniffed once, thinned his lips, and removed your hand from his body, then as calmly as he had spoken all night, said, “I’m in fucking love with you.”

Then door was slammed behind him, jarring you and leaving you to soak the night in.

----------------------------------------------------------------

When he said those words to you, the six words that he would never be able to take back, the ones that irrevocably changed your friendship in the blink of an eye, everything inside of you began to tremble and vibrate and beat with such intensity you could almost feel the functions of your body. Your blood was pumping a hell of a lot faster and you heart was ready to burst.

Your brain, your skin, the nerves and veins under that skin; every bit of you was working overtime to help process what happened and keep you alert as you did so, and maybe it was all a little overkill, but he had said the one thing you never thought you’d hear.

I’m in fucking love with you.

It would repeat over and over in your head, bouncing around the walls of your skull as it tried to find a way to escape, but there was no use. You could never forget his confession, or the way he said it. There was something desperate about it, weak. There was exhaustion, as if he were tired of holding it back and had given up on even trying.

It was too much. You’d never dismiss it, and God, when he got his ass back home you wouldn’t let him brush it aside, but for now, it was too much.

You wanted sleep after sitting completely still for two hours, staring into space. So you carried your body to the closest room, his room, crawled into his bed, and tangled yourself within the sheets until you wouldn’t be able to unwrap yourself without effort you did not possess at such an ungodly hour. You were stuck, trapped, engulfed by him, just like you wanted to be. Then you took his king-sized pillow, massive like his body, and hugged it to your chest, tucking your face in it. It smelled like him, all musky and piney and perfect in a way that always made you dizzy when he would sit a little too close and drape a long arm around your shoulders as you watched tv or read a book.

And you cried yourself to sleep, wishing he was beside you.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Henry came back in the morning, though he wasn’t sure how he gathered the courage. Maybe it was the fact that it was you. Just you, his best friend, his roommate. He loved you in more ways than one, and perhaps it was that knowledge that made him a little stronger.

He’d face you, and he’d do it with the intention of making everything clear. He was in love with you and it wasn’t going to change. He loved you as his friend; that wasn’t going to change either, and no way in hell was he going to lose you twice over.

Taking a few deep breaths, Henry unlocked the front door and eased his way inside. You weren’t around the sunlit soaked first floor of the apartment, and when he traipsed upstairs and nudged your door open, you weren’t there either. He wanted you tucked in your bed, not gone and probably terrified at the thought of seeing him, so running to James’s or Jake’s or Jason’s apartment to avoid him. That would be the perfect painful exclamation point on the disaster of his poor decision making.

Then he found you. Not missing, but snug in his bed, warming the mattress with your body as it dipped the slightest under your weight. Everything about the sight killed him and melted his heart simultaneously. There you were, laying peacefully angelic, right where he had wanted you for months. And it looked so beautifully natural.

Not even stopping to think, Henry inched his way to the other side of his bed, lifted the duvet and slid beneath it. He reached an arm around your waist and pulled you close to kiss your forehead, then tucked his face into the crook of your neck. When you stirred, he leaned back to take in your face as your eyebrows scrunched and your lips parted in a yawn.

You didn’t open your eyes but rose a hand, placed it on his cheek, and ran a thumb along the corner of his mouth. As the goosebumps spawned all over his body, he wasn’t even sure you were fully awake, but then you whispered, “It was always you, Henry. Always.”

Henry swallowed hard as your sleepy voice continued.

“I figured you weren’t an option, and I was doing my best working around that.”

After running a hand over your hair and tucking some behind your ear, Henry pressed a kiss to your lips. A short, soft one to see how you’d react. Then you opened your eyes slowly and met your Y/E/C with his blue.

“Do it again,” You said, and so he connected your lips a little firmer, tightening his hold on you, and rolling on his back until your body splayed over his.

You moaned when he caressed his tongue against yours after opening your mouth an inch. Your heart fluttered in your chest the stupid way dramatic, moony-eyed women often described it in novels. You thought it was a myth, the idea that anyone could make you feel so loved just from a kiss, and you’d lost hope for that kind of thing long ago. But Henry ripped your pessimism to shreds in a matter of minutes.

“I want you to be mine,” he mumbled against your lips. “Just mine.”

“Then I’m yours,” You said without hesitation, tilting your head back enough to look in his eyes. You nudged your nose against his. “Just yours.”

---

Tags: @dugan365 @moonlightimagination @pietrotheavenger @marvel-fanfiction @hawkeyeharrington @dani-si @wintersoldier98 @then-there-was-me-emily @prxttybirdz @jazzwoman897 @meganwinchester1999 @ufffg @debra77 @rebelliouscat @anise-d-castle6 @projectxhappiness @lowkeysebby @stringgeek13 @notmyfault404 @jjamesbbarness @guera31 @sophiatomlinson23 @thisismysecrethappyplace @hiddles-rose @picapicapicassobaby @lokilvrr @sunshine-seven @harrysthiccthighss @agniavateira @forthebrokenheartedthings @tumblnewby @summersong69 @starlite13 @mstgsmy @purplelove75 @defffcc @the-soot-sprite @kissthatlifeaway @atomicpaperhairdouniversity @aquariuslavenderhoney @the-problem-of-leisure @amberlokabrenna

1K notes · View notes

blessednereid · 3 years ago

Text

Pity the Living

Daniel Sharman x Reader Series

A/N: The Much Requested, and By Requested, I mean @rogershoe wanted me to write this, MY DANIEL SHARMAN FANFICTION!!!!!! The character that Y/N plays is based on my OC for FTWD and is not an actual character in FTWD. Basic Premise of the setting for this chapter is that they're in high-school/ secondary school. But for the majority of the story(minus flashbacks) it's set in 2016/17 when s3 of FTWD was filmed.

Story Summary: When (Y/N) (L/N) reunites with a high-school friend on the set of the job she's been working on for the past 2-3 years, not only is she excited to work with the guy who inspired her to go into acting, but to hear about what he's done since she's seen him. But the more they talk, the more she realizes, this reunion is not going the way she had planned.

CW: Cursing? brief mention of alcohol, anxiety, mentions of food, fake dagger, fake blood, bets,

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Career Day

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

Most of the students around you were chorusing to the tune of your school anthem, but not you. You had heard the melody and sung it almost a million times. Whether you were exaggerating or not, not even you knew. Instead, you were whispering and laughing with one of your best friends, Daniel Sharman.

You met Daniel when you first came to the school. You didn't know many people. You didn't even know yourself in this place. It was a completely foreign experience, but he stuck by your side and showed you around.

Since then, you had made friends, joined the swim team, learned your way around the school without ending up in the boys' restrooms instead of the girls' ones. Despite not needing Daniel to show you around anymore, he still provided plenty of comedic support and pick-me-ups and was a great mate all around.

Your teacher had just finished introducing all the parents who were presenting at career day. The assignment being after the presentations were finished, you were supposed to think about what you wanted to be in the future. You had no idea what you wanted to be. But of course… Daniel did.

"An actor."

"An actor?" he nodded. "Like Macbeth?"

"No, Macbeth is a character. An actor is a person who plays the character."

"Why an actor?"

"Dunno. Just seems right."

You frowned. "Huh, that's nice. Knowing what you want to be."

"You could always try acting. It's worth a shot."

"Hah, if I ever tried acting, it would probably be when I'm old, senile, and look like Betty White."

"Oh, come on. You're a great actress!"

"What's that supposed to mean, Sharman?" you gasped.

"Just that you tell fibs and stories as if they were the truth. That's all acting is."

"I DO NOT!"

"How did you convince your mum that your dog jumped onto the table and ate the cake without making any noise last weekend, then?" You opened your mouth to speak before closing it.

"Cat got your tongue?" he teased.

"Shut up, Sharman."

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

L/N Residence

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

You and Daniel were both swimming in the pool in your backyard when Daniel asked you the question.

"Did you think about it?"

Still floating, you asked, "About what?"

"Acting."

You laughed incredulously. "You were serious?"

"Of course I was." He swam closer to you and pulled your leg down, making you flop around and splash water.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"Was just trying to get your attention," he remarked innocently.

You coughed. "You had it."

"Picture this," he waved you off. "Us, on the red carpet-"

"Who's red carpet?"

"Does it matter? We'll be each other's dates anyways."

"Why is that?" you asked.

"Because we're best friends."

"What if one of us has a boyfriend or girlfriend?"

He shrugged. "Ok, whatever. We're on the red carpet separately. It's both of ours red carpet-"

"So, does that mean we're in a movie together?"

"Yes, Y/N," he muttered exasperatedly.

"But that's impossible?"

"Why do you say that?"

You leaned closer to his ear. "BECAUSE I'M NOT BECOMING AN ACTOR."

He jumped away from you, proceeding to splash you with water.

"Mark my words. I know talent when I see it."

You sighed. "Could this just be you not wanting to be lonely in the acting world?"

He jutted his lip and spoke in a whiny voice. "Maybe…"

You laughed before splashing a giant wave of water at him. While he still had water in his eyes, you dove under and pulled him down.

He flailed around before his head popped up, and he calmed down.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"PAYBACK, SHARMAN!"

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Announcement

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

The intercom gave a heavy buzz, and static-y noises ran amok over the building before a voice actually came through the speakers.

"Hello, Teachers, Students, and Faculty. Welcome back to school. We hope that you all enjoyed your holidays and got the rest you needed to pay attention in class today," the last part was passive. Your principal gave more announcements for clubs and sports around the school, such as upcoming games or reminders for students to buy the school yearbook.

You were nodding along interested, or looking for interest really when something caught your best friend's attention.

"The school will also be hosting its first-ever play, Romeo and Juliet. Interested people should report to the music room before the end of the week to receive information."

You saw Daniel's eyes widen only moments before he spoke up. "Hey," he waved at you. "You should audition!"

"Daniel, are you insane?"

He chuckled, "No, but I think you'd like it."

You tried arguing, but he wasn't taking no for an answer. "You're the one who said you didn't know what you wanted to do after you graduated. Doing this cannot hurt."

"Yeah, it can't hurt until I trip on my costumes and break my neck!"

"That rarely ever happens," he said exasperatedly. "Ok, how about this? You audition, and if you end up getting a role and actually doing the play, I'll give you fifty pounds."

You squinted. "Do you even have fifty pounds to give me?"

"Do you even have to ask," he feigned shock in the accusation? You gave a sour face before he truthfully answered. "Fine, I don't have it now. But I will by the time the play comes around."

"What do I get just for auditioning?"

"I'll convince my mum to make that cake you like."

"Fine."

"BUT!" he exclaimed. "You have to audition for Juliet."

"You're kidding?"

He laughed. "No, I'm not. You have to audition for Juliet."

"I hate you," you mumbled before sighing a whispered 'fine.'

He gave a toothy smile. "Then we have a deal."

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Auditions

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

You reluctantly walked onto the stage, Daniel's widening grin so visible in the audience. He said that he only put his name on the audition sheet so he could watch the auditions. He would've already been gone by the time it was his turn.

"Hello, My name is Y/n L/n, and I am auditioning for Juliet," your lips pressing into a straight line after saying the sentence.

You stammered through your first few lines. "Sh-Shall I speak ill of him— that is my husband?" You said with a laugh.

"Ah," you paused and clicked your tongue. "Poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name… When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it?"

You said your following line in an accusatory manner. "But wherefore, villain... didst thou kill my cousin?" you said, though your voice squealed trying to pronounce 'didst.' "That villain cousin would have killed my husband."

"Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring!" Your voice rose and fell several octaves. "Your tributary drops belong to woe, Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy." Fake tears spring to your eyes, your voice cracked, and you began slowly falling against an invisible wall.

You looked down at your paper for what to say next. "My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain; And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband. All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then?" You wiped your cheeks dramatically.

"Some word there was, worser than Tybalt's death, That murd'red me. I would forget it fain;" your lips quivered, and you sucked in deep, heaving breaths before speaking your line.

"But O, it presses to my memory. Like damnèd guilty deeds to sinners' minds! 'Tybalt is dead, and Romeo--banishèd!" You shouted.

You stood back up in a startling jump, and with a proud smile, you said triumphantly, "And Scene!"

The directors and some students in the audience, especially Daniel, gave a round of applause before the director dismissed you.

You took the steps to the stage and sat next to Daniel as the director called the next student to audition.

"You were amazing! The director might as well have given you the role right then and there."

You laughed, "Hang on, charmer. There were a bunch of Juliet's who literally said that entire thing so… fluently. I stammered through the whole thing."

"But you showed more emotion than anyone else. You only had a week to prepare. The actual show will be like child's play."

"They want people who can memorize and recite. The emotion can be added later, but it's worth nothing if they forget their lines."

"There is such a thing called improvising for a reason," he reassured.

"Who in their right, bloody minds wants to improvise Shakespeare?"

He turned his head and chuckled before waving a five-pound note in front of your face. "Here, I got to go before they call me, but you earned this at least."

"Five pounds for being forced to audition for a stupid play so you can prove a point? Wow, you must really fancy me, huh, Sharman?" you said sarcastically.

"Goodbye, L/n," he whispered before sneaking out the back door of the auditorium.

"Alright, next up. Daniel Sharman!" The director shouted your friend's name a few more times before giving up.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Headmasters Office

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

A week after your audition, you were called to the headmasters' office. Thus is the cause of the curious looks from your classmates. Oohs and Aahs flooded your ears as you grabbed your bag and headed out the door to the front of the school.

When you got to the front of the building and went into the headmasters' office, you saw the Theatre director, Ms Parker, standing behind the desk. "Headmaster Leo allowed me to use his office to do this. Isn't that cool?"

Ms Parker was one of the younger teachers in school. She was twenty-four, and this was her first year teaching after receiving her bachelor's degree in education and a master's degree in music production. A fact she could astoundingly ramble about for fifteen minutes. As proven at the auditions.

"I didn't want to call you to the theatre room. That would be too predictable, correct?" You'd come to realize she was a very eccentric woman. "I have called you in here to inform you that you have been selected to perform in this year's play of Romeo and Juliet."

A wave of shock coursed through your body, and you were sure it reflected on your face. "Are you sure?"

"Darling, I'm positive!- your audition was totally spectacular! So brilliant-in fact- that I am completely sure in my choice to make you our female lead- Juliet!"

"What!" Your eyes widened into a blank stare. Your thoughts were running rampant in your mind. You thought that performing on the stage would be a breeze when you weren't the lead.

"Ms Parker, I didn't actually want the part of Juliet! It's just that my friend dared me to audition for Juliet! Is there no way I can get a smaller part? I'm no Juliet. The show would be ruined," you rambled.

The directors' facial expressions softened, "Darling, you are the only choice. None of the other people who auditioned can even compare to the amount of passion you produced in that audition. I am determined to have you as our Juliet."

You whimpered out an "Ok." Professors had a strange way of convincing you to do extra credit assignments or things that aren't necessary.

"We have a chemistry read for you and a few of our other choices for Romeo after school today. Do you need to contact a parent to let them know where you'll be?"

"Uh, yes, please."

After you made your call, you walked back to your classroom with shaky hands. The class period was almost over, but you had to tell Daniel that you had gotten a part in the show. Not just any part- THE PART!

You shuffled into the classroom reluctantly. All eyes were on you as every student had assumed you'd been in trouble. Either suspended, expelled, or told your parents were going to have a sit-down with the headmaster.

You took your seat next to Daniel before taking out a piece of paper and writing out a note, encompassing the words, "I got the part!"

You slid the sheet discreetly onto his desk. When he read it, his eyes widened, and he quietly moved his hands toward yours, beckoning for a high five.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

First Rehearsal

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

After the chemistry read, the role of Romeo was given to a kid named James Mercer-Allen got the part. Though it was more because the directors were starting to become tired.

The next day was the first rehearsal. Swimming season was last semester, so there was no clash in schedules with the play.

"Alright, this rehearsal is to get acquainted with the stage, your fellow actors, and directors," she insisted. "Now, let's introduce ourselves. Can our Romeo please stand up?"

James stood up and gave a brief introduction. You were called on next. You stated your name, "I was on the swim team last semester, and I'm in my thirteenth year. I hope I can do this role justice."

More students stood up to introduce themselves. The entire process took more than thirty minutes.

The next thing to happen was that the rest of the students were called to recite lines for various roles. The only parts that had been cast preliminarily were Romeo and Juliet.

You and James had sat on the wooden stools unless there was a scene going on that needed Romeo and/or Juliet.

By the end of the first rehearsal, the majority of the speaking roles were cast. You went home exhausted but not expecting the conversation that waited for you.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

The Talk

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

"We're moving?" you shouted at your parents from your seat across from them in the sitting room. "What do you mean we're moving."

"Honey, your dad got a job in the states, so we have to move," your mother argued.

"But what about school? No school will take me in the middle of the year, and it's my last year of secondary school. I don't want to spend the rest of my last year knowing nobody."

Your dad, the man of the hour, spoke up. "Dear, we're moving at the end of the year. After school ends."

"But- What about Uni?"

"You said you were taking a sabbatical year!"

"Yes, so I could intern in London!"

"Can't you intern in California?" Your mother whined.

"We're going to California? It's the furthest state?"

Your dad attempted to reassure you but failed. "Darling, it won't be that bad. Maybe you'll like it there more than you like it here!"

"I could never like anywhere more than I like it here!"

You agreed to go to your room and spent the rest of the day there. Later on, after you finished moping, you ringed up your closest friends to tell them you were moving. You did that until you were so tired you fell asleep on the phone with Sarah before you even called Daniel.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Confrontation

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

"Why am I hearing from everyone besides you that you're moving?" Daniel appeared out of thin air behind you, and the accusation was an assault on your conscience.

You could lie and tell him that you wanted to reveal that to him in person, or you could just tell him the truth- say you fell asleep. Mix-and-Match? You ended up just telling the truth. "I fell asleep when I was making some of my other calls. I was going to tell you, I swear!"

"Why didn't you call me first. I'm your best friend?"

"That's why! It was too hard. I kept putting it off and putting it off and putting it off because I didn't want to tell you, I don't want it to be true, and telling you of all people would make it feel real."

"Why can't you stay for Uni?"

"I already told my parents I was taking a gap year. I didn't apply to any colleges."

"Crap!" he sighed. "Ok, well, we're going to have to make the most of it. And! You're getting a going away party!"

"Daniel, I don't need-"

"No debate! You are getting a going away party!"

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Opening Night

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

Four months later, after all the rehearsals and memorizations of lines. After much running around the entire film department, it was finally opening night, and your nerves were shot.

You were scrambling all morning to find everything you needed. All your costumes were at the school, but you still needed to bring your black leotard, skin-coloured tights, and wear your hair in an up-do style.

You decided to do your skincare routine, but your panic got the best of you, and you forgot what every single product was used for.

Daniel came over and helped you get ready but found you practically hyperventilating.

Your parents drove you both to the theatre, and when Ms Parker told you that Daniel couldn't be backstage, you promptly told her that he was your emotional support. After much arguing, she finally let him backstage.

Around an hour before showtime, the director told Daniel that he had to go wait in the audience if he already bought his ticket or that he had to go do it now.

Before he left, he gave you a pep-talk. "Hey, so one time, I was in this play, and the idea was that I was expelled, and there was a piece of paper I had to give my 'mother,' but I lost it. So we had to improvise, but I couldn't find the paper, and I felt horrible. So just know, even if you forget your lines, you must improvise, and remember, it still probably won't compare to the embarrassment I felt that day. So you can laugh at my humiliation. "

You chuckled, "I will. Ok, go before you get in trouble."

"Ok, me, our parents and all your friends will be in the front row. I've already reserved the entire row. I brought a whole bag of jackets just for that reason!"

"You can't do that," you said in between cackles.

"For you, I'll do anything," he grinned.

A few hours later and the show was almost done. "What's here? A cup, closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end," you wept.

"O, churl! Drunk all and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips; Haply some poison yet doth hang on them, to die with thine restorative." You leaned over James and let your hair fall to the side of your head to cover your face. You pulled back without actually kissing James.

"Thy lips are warm."

A whispery voice came from offstage, "Which way?" The cue for you to take the poison, which was actually cranberry juice.

"Yea, noise? Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!" You grabbed the dagger and brought it near your chest. "This is thy sheath;" you drew the fake knife back three inches from your chest and stabbed it to where the bag of more cranberry juice was and punctured the bag. 'Blood' soaked through your dress. "There rust, and let me die." You fell dramatically onto the altar and waited for the scene to end as the crowd cheered.

After the show, you dashed into the crowd where your friends and family waited for you. Ovations and Applauses were passed, lauded boxes of chocolates and gorgeous roses were given.

When you got to Daniel, he practically tackled you with a hug. "I actually thought you died for a split second. The blood looked so real."

"Daniel, most people don't bleed that fast, do they?"

"I don't know but fear kicked in, and I couldn't make sense of anything."

You grinned and almost went to your parents before Daniel grabbed your arm. "You don't have a date to the Leavers ball, do you?"

"No, I don't. Why?"

He sighed. "Well, I was thinking that you could go with me. I don't have a date either."

You squinted, thinking there was some ulterior motive behind his actions. "Ok, I'll go with you if you give me the money you owe me before then."

"It's right here," he smiled.

Your face scrunched up, but you reluctantly agreed. You only had a month of school left, and you might as well spend it having fun with your friends.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

The Leavers Ball and the Getaway Party

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

You were dressed in a light blue, pleated, Mikado prom dress that cut off at mid-thigh. You had black wedges on your feet and a black pearl-beaded bracelet on your arm.

You were wearing a half-up, half-down style that framed your face and a silver necklace with a circle-shaped diamond.

You were sitting in the parlour when Daniel rang the doorbell. He was ten minutes late.

"Sorry," he said when your dad answered it. "I know I'm late. I was picking up Kat and James."

Kat and James were your and Daniel's respective friends who'd started last year after you and Daniel introduced them.

"Hi," you popped out of the shadows. "Alright, Mom, Dad, we're late, so we're just going to get goi-"

"Wait! I have to take pictures! Go get Kat and James."

"No, Mom. No pictures!"

"It's only right. I just want a few. We can take it outside."

You sighed but reluctantly caved into your mother's will.

The four of you took pictures outside of Daniel's Jeep Wrangler. You took ones with silly faces, just girls, just boys, and ones with all four of you before your parents allowed you to leave.

You were forty minutes late, and the ball was already in full swing by the time you got there.

You got on the dance floor immediately because one of your favourite songs was playing, but the DJ switched the song as soon as you found a decent spot. It was a slow song. You chuckled, and Daniel put his hands on your waist.

"Well, this is awkward."

A few minutes later, Daniel posed an interesting question.

"Did you know that I had a crush on you when you first came to school?"

"Uh, you stammered. "No, I didn't know that."

"Yeah, I did. It was short, though. Surface-level."

"Oh," you said. "Should I take offence to that?"

"What?" His eyes widened in realization with what he said. "No, that's not what I meant. You have an amazing personality. I just meant that… I just meant I like you more as a friend than to ruin that with any of those feelings."

"Oh, ok. You wouldn't have, though."

"I wouldn't?"

"No, everyone needs an ego boost every once in a while."

"Haha!"

"And besides, I've had feelings for you at one point too. But it was very cliche, so I tried to shake it as hard as I could."

"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows. "And did you?"

"Like I said, as hard as I could. If it's still there somewhere, it's buried very deep, so much so that I was embarrassed."

"Embarrassed to like me?"

"I mean embarrassed to try and make my life seem like some movie."

"Oh, well, if you did, it would've just made you that much better as an actress. Speaking of that, would you consider acting in the least?"

"Maybe, now that I'm leaving, it's basically the last thing I have to connect me to you."

"No," he said, pointing to your bracelet. "You have that."

You had forgotten that it was Daniel who gave it to you, but the realization brought a smile to your face. "Oh yeah, I'll never take it off."

Later on, long before the ball ended, you saw many of your friends leaving.

"Hey, are you ready to go?" Daniel approached you.

"Where is everyone going?"

He wriggled his eyebrows. "Afterparty!"

"But it's not over?"

"Quit being a party popper and just come with us, L/N!"

You gave in, something you did a lot, and you all started driving. When you got there, you realized you were at Daniel's house.

"The afterparty is at your house?" you asked.

"Well…" James answered.

Kat joined in. "It's really an afterparty!"

"This is your going away party!" Daniel finished.

"But I'm not going away for another month."

"Well, now you have an entire month for people to give you gifts and stuff, and you don't have to worry about the party!" He reasoned.

"But why did it have to be after the Leavers ball?"

"Because you're already in a dress, and it has to be a surprise! Surprise!" Kat exclaimed.

"Alright, fine!"

The entire night you partied and danced, and though you didn't drink alcohol, plentiful amounts of pop and mocktails were passed around. The music was a delight to your ears with all your favourite songs. There were chips and pizza with all your favourite toppings.

"This party is awesome!"

Daniel grinned. "Well, I am an amazing party planner if I do say so myself."

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Airport

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

Daniel's parents drove your family to the airport. Your parents had sold the car. Your dad would return in a week to close a deal on the house. Everything was official, and now you were leaving.

You got out of the car, and the tears forcefully began to fall.

"I'm really gonna miss you, jerk," you said disdainfully to Daniel.

He chuckled. "I'm going to miss you more."

"Impossible!"

He wiped the fallen tear from your eye, and for a moment, you could see every single multi-coloured speck in his eyes and noticed how sometimes they looked blue, and at others, they looked grey or green.

You noticed the curvature of his smile and the chisel of his jawline.You saw the hurt in his eyes that said, 'why do you have to go? You're killing me,' and wanted to never move from that position.

He continued to rub the tears that fell onto your cheek, and the sad moment was as sheltered as it could be. You felt safe with him, in his arms, just looking at his face and being reminded of how he comforted you in a place that felt as familiar as Oz felt to Dorothy.

"What am I gonna do without you?" you whispered.

"Get at least one acting job, get an assistant and an agent, I'll do the same thing, and then either one of us has our assistants reach out to our agents, so we get back in touch in case we ever lose touch."

He sounded so grave that you couldn't help but laugh. "That's assuming I do become an actress, Daniel."

"You're right," he whined. "But don't forget me."

"I promise."

And you tried to keep that promise. Throughout your first year, you interned at UCLA, working in the lab. You then applied to go to school there, and you still tried to keep Daniel in your mind. Maintaining a social life on campus combined with schoolwork already wasn't easy. However, you still wouldn't let yourself forget your best friend.

It wasn't until you entered your senior year and you were about to graduate that he started to wane in your memories. The things you did together became obsolete as new friends and memories replaced the old. The things he taught you were thrown out to make space for the new lessons you learned each day.

Even when you did become an actress, you never really remembered why you decided to. You remembered that your friend pushed you to do that play, but it was almost ten years ago, and for the life of you, you couldn't remember his name.

But you did do it, first as an extra, then a body double, and then you started getting l roles on smaller shows. But your big break was getting a quasi-lead role on the spin-off of a big television show, The Walking Dead. For two years, you enjoyed going to conventions and playing the complex character, Valeria Bishop, and you thought you had it all figured out.

But life has a funny way of coming full circle and throwing you a curveball that knows you off course and changes your life.

#Daniel Sharman x reader #daniel sharman fic #Daniel Sharman imagine #Daniel Sharman fluff #Daniel Sharman angst #very angsty #ftwd imagine #twd imagine #troy otto imagine #dylan obrien imagine #that last one is for exposure #I have no regrets

111 notes · View notes

wish-i-wasnt-a-coward · 3 years ago

Text

I won’t leave you, not again

Pairings: Anxceit (can be read as platonic if you’re determined) platonic/familial DRLAMP

Warnings: violence, food, mention of injury, fear that someone is dead, cursing, crying, angst with a happy ending :)

Word count: 1170

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Virgil pulled himself off of the ground, wincing as his wounds protested painfully. He and Janus had been stuck in Remus’s side of the imagination for hours. These shadow monsters had found them almost as soon as they ended up here. Virgil had done his best to protect Janus as attack after attack was thrown at them but he was losing stamina.

Janus stood across the clearing pushing back the shadow creature with his shepherd's crook.

“For the record, this is your fault” Janus yelled over the screeching of the monsters. “And how’s that asshole?” Virgil called back, sprinting towards Janus. “You started the argument that got us here,” Janus said dodging a tentacle, “I did not!” Virgil stabbed the tentacle with a strand of his spider web and pulled Janus back. “You started it! And you got mad enough to send us here”.

Janus opened his mouth to shout an insult back but nothing came out. Virgil turned, following Janus’ line of sight. He tightened his grip on Janus and cursed loudly.

Another shadow monster had risen behind them. The three demons shrieked in joy as they circled the two sides.

“Cover your ears” Virgil commanded. Janus clamped his hand around his head as Virgil screamed in his tempest’s tongue.

The demons backed away convulsing in pain.

One of the demons recovered faster than the others and shot towards Janus, opening its tentacles to consume him. Janus stood helplessly as the monster thundered towards him.

“NO!” Virgil cried in tempest’s tongue and he threw himself between the two. Janus made a strangled noise reaching out for the anxious side only seconds too late.

Virgil was enveloped by the darkness.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Virgil opened his eyes the first thing he saw was grey carpet. He dragged his head to the side.

Virgil blinked and looked around, the dark side’s mind palace loomed around him. He could hear someone in the kitchen and footsteps above them.

The anxious side sat up slowly, “what are you doing down there?” a voice questioned from behind him.

Virgil wiped around, shifting into a defensive position on instinct, “are you ok Virgil?” a young Janus asked, kneeling next to him. Virgil’s mouth opened and closed as tried to make sense of this.

Janus looked at Virgil with soft concern. “Can I touch you sweetheart?” he asked, snaking his soft arms around the taller side when he nodded. Without thinking Virgil wrapped his arms around Janus’ thin frame and pulled him close.

His mind was racing a million miles an hour, where was he, why didn’t Janus hate him, why was he so young, what had the shadow monster done to him, was he ok?

Janus pulled away from the hug. “better?” Virgil nodded and the deceptive side beamed, “terrible, I wasn’t making dinner, would you like to come eat? Remus is here” Virgil nodded again and let himself be pulled up by the smaller side.

Their hands stayed firmly clasped as Janus pulled him into the kitchen. Virgil looked around in wonder, the mindscape looked exactly like it did before Virgil left... Janus looked like he did before Virgil left.

The anxious side was pushed into a chair. Janus dropped a bowl of pasta in front of him and sat across the table. He didn’t have food himself, he just looked at Virgil lovingly as the anxious side tentatively picked up his fork. Virgil took a bite.

..verge

“Janus what's going on” Janus furrowed his eyebrows, “what do you mean??” he questioned.

you have to wake up

Virgil sighed “you know what I mean. All of this... you. It isn't right” Janus looked confused, “what do you mean it isn’t right, we're happy. Isn’t that what you want?”

please

“It’s not real Jan,” Virgil said sadly, “as much as I wish things could be as simple as they used to be, I have to live with my decision, there’s no going back.”

I can’t do this alone

Janus’ eyes filled with tears, “You can’t go back, he doesn't love you, he’ll never love you again. Please don’t leave me”. His form flickered in and out of existence.

Virgil crumpled a bit, “I love him enough for the both of us, I’m not leaving him,” he said as determinedly as he could. The not-quite Janus growled, lunging towards Virgil.

Virgil closed his eyes.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Janus, the real one this time, held Virgil's limp form as the last shadow monster fled. He frantically checked for a pulse, slumping in relief when he found one. “Come on Verge” he murmured, “you have to wake up. Please” tears welled up in Janus’ eyes, “I can’t do this alone” he whispered.

Virgil jolted, yanking Janus down into a tight embrace. “Oh god, Verge. I thought you were gone” Janus cried into the anxious side shoulder. Virgil breathed deeply, inhaling Janus who was here, was real. “I’m not leaving you, not again” Virgil murmured.

The two sat holding each other for a few minutes and would have forever but it quickly became clear that Virgil’s injuries needed tending, badly. Janus didn’t know first aid so he acted as Virgil’s crutch as they trudged towards Remus’ palace where hopefully they could get back to the mindscape.

The moment Virgil and Janus set foot inside the dark castle Remus appeared, looking a lot paler than usual. “What the fuck happened to you two!!!! Here let me help,” he blurted, reaching towards Virgil's other arm and taking some of his weight.

The three sunk out into the mind palace.

Logan and Patton looked up from the couch. Roman stopped his pacing and raced to catch Virgil as he slumped forward out of the other two’s arms. Logan summoned a first aid kit and went to work on Virgil’s injuries as he was lowered onto the couch.

Janus hovered over Virgil, batting Patton away as he fussed over Janus’ scratches. Eventually, Remus had to push him into a chair and hold him down while Patton cleaned Janus’s wounds.

After Logan was satisfied that Virgil would be ok Janus recounted what had happened. Remus looked incredibly guilty, despite Janus’ protests that he wasn’t to blame.

Once Janus was done with his story the twins went off to “seek glorious revenge” or “murder the mother fuckers who hurt you” depending on which one you asked. Patton went off to stress bake and Logan followed to assure he didn’t accidentally set the kitchen on fire.

Janus sighed leaning against the couch where Virgil lay. He carefully intertwined their fingers as Virgil blinked down at him with doe-eyes. “You alright,” he croaked. The deceitful side laughed, “you should definitely be asking me that. But yeah, I’m fine. You?”

Virgil relaxed, blinking slowly, “good” he murmured. “I’m glad” Janus smiled softly pressing a kiss to the groggy side’s head.

Virgil blinked up at him with an adorably shocked expression, “we shouldn’t talk about this later” Janus said, “but now, sleep.” Virgil nodded and yawned. He opened his arms for the deceptive side who happily burrowed into his embrace.

Janus smiled into Virgil's warm chest, they were gonna be ok.

#anxceit #ts anxceit #ts virgil #virgil sanders #virgil anxiety #sander sides virgil #Janus sanders #ts Janus #platonic drlamp #familial drlamp #platonic anxceitmus #tw food #tw violince #sanders sides #sander sides #sander sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #ts remus #remus sanders

109 notes · View notes

icequeenbae · 4 years ago

Text

Desert Flower (m) Ch. 1 | BBH

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader x Baëkhyun

Characters: EXO and X-EXO (not all of them mentioned)

EXO vs X-EXO dynamics, complicated relationships, angsty, action, smut (as usual)

Warnings: sorta mingling with your ex’s ‘evil twin’, mentions of blood/ violence (nothing too graphic… I suppose), Y/N gets teary a lot(?), explicit content, rough sex, unprotected sex

Word Count: ~13.5k (full), ~3.7k (Chapter 1)

Summary: Baekhyun, your beloved boyfriend of three years, suddenly breaks up with you and disappears from the city in an attempt to protect you. But leaving you alone and clueless means trouble will surely find you. For it is easy to spot a flower in the desert.

Masterlist >> One >> Two (m) >> Three (m) >> Four (fin)

Author’s Note: Yay, this is happening!!! My first BaekBaёk, oml I’m gonna-

Ok. I’ll admit right off the bat that I wouldn’t be posting this any time soon without my lovely beta @baekshoney 🖤 She’s the person I turn to when I think there’s a million little things I could’ve done better, because that’s what I always think. I had to give myself a cut-off date to finally give up editing this 😅 So, I’d really appreciate it if you guys could share your thoughts and opinions on this too. My asks, dms and comments are places where you’re always welcome! Now, let’s get into this!

Tags: @blahblahblah-boo @baeklightsx @wooya1224 @baekklove

Chapter 1. The beginning of the end

It was all too sudden.

The words he’d said deafened you. Refusing to believe what you were hearing, you shook your head and took a step back, as if doing so could start the conversation you’d just had over. Or rewind the time and allow you to prevent the words from coming out of his mouth in the first place. But he was firm, unyielding in his stance.

‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated. ‘It’s my fault. I should’ve known better.’

Than to start this relationship, was what he meant. That he should have avoided getting in a relationship with you altogether, and breaking up with you would’ve never become an issue.

‘Why?’ You tried to speak, but your lower lip started to tremble, silencing you at once.

This was all wrong. It couldn’t have been true, what he was saying.

He licked his lips, looking away, hands forming tight fists at his sides as he tried to recollect himself and urge his body to stay frozen on the spot.

That did not work for long – the sight of you, so small, so stunned and defeated, with tears welling in your eyes while you tried to stifle them… He couldn’t. It was stupid of him to break his act so easily, but you were too precious to him to just leave you like this.

Sighing and cursing himself out in his mind, he took a stride towards you and gathered you tightly in his arms.

‘I am sorry, Y/N,’ he continued softly, hearing you hiccup in his unexpected embrace. ‘But I have to leave. We- I should’ve stayed away from you from the start. Forgive me for being so weak.’

You sobbed at his words, shaking your head stubbornly and clinging to his broad chest as an act of desperation.

‘I can come with you!’

‘No,’ he interrupted your crazy idea. ‘I’m leaving you behind. To keep you safe.’

‘Safe from what?’ You questioned, half-annoyed now.

He kept insisting that he wished to protect you, but how was leaving you all alone ensuring your security? And why would you even consider it, when you only felt safe while with him?

‘I cannot tell you. The more you know, the more dangerous it is.’

‘Baekhyunie, please,’ you wiped the tears and grabbed onto his vest as he moved to pull away. ‘You can’t just decide this on your own!’

‘Y/N,’ he took hold of your wrists, not removing them just yet. ‘I know it’s hard, and I never wanted to hurt you like this. But there’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind. I’d rather break your heart than risk your life, so it’s not really a choice.’

He looked around as if to make sure you were not being watched, and then leaned in to place a farewell kiss on your temple – his favorite spot. You sniffled, realization of the inevitable setting in.

‘Just let me go, flower,’ his voice lowered to a whisper, and you sobbed at the pet name. ‘You’ll be better off without me, I promise.’

‘No,’ you protested as he freed himself from your grasp, and took a step back. ‘No, Baekhyun, don’t leave,’ you clawed at his forearm, trying to stop him. ‘We can deal with it together, we can think of something! I don’t want to be without you,’ you whimpered sorrowfully.

He shook his head, shying away from your touch, while you desperately tried to hold him back.

But you couldn’t. He gently peeled your hands off to walk away, and you missed the pained crease between his eyebrows when he turned his back on you to escape your apartment.

‘Please, don’t do this…’ You whispered, voice breaking in anguish. Just as your heart was.

Yet, Baekhyun kept walking. Leaving you to weep in the unwelcoming emptiness of your home.

Leaving you for good.

***

Your relationship with Baekhyun started almost three years ago.

Still new to university life, you found yourself in the midst of a soap opera worth of drama when a bunch of transfer students joined all at once, some even in the same year as you. All highly attractive, they usually hung out together and spent less time than needed socializing with the outside world.

Not that you cared too much – sure, the excitement going around was making you curious, but they looked too handsome, almost to the extent that you found it intimidating. Ironically, the most intimidating you found Baekhyun. His then long dark hair with strands of red and a mullet hairstyle, the sharp green eyes, the pierced eyebrow, and the lip ring that made him look like a very attractive hooligan... The piercings turned out to be just as fake as the eye color, which did not disappoint you at all.

Funny enough, you only got to know this bad boy because he took a liking to retreating to the campus library. Hiding from all of the attention, of course. While some members of his clique actually basked in it, he preferred to disappear to the remote aisles of the quiet space and read a book, or, more likely, sleep with one on his chest. You saw him like that often, since you were stuck in there yourself – essays for different classes were piling up rapidly. As a diligent student, you were determined to do well in your first year of university, so dragging yourself to the library to stay glued to your laptop was the best option.

Coincidentally, you also preferred to stay in the less lively spaces, as you tended to seek peace and quiet to focus on your assignments. Your attention span… wasn’t impressive, to say the least, so you did your best to avoid any distractions. However, you didn’t count on a certain sleep lover to be one of them.

It was not the first day you spent close enough to notice the tranquil expression he wore on his face as he was snoozing. It was, however, the first time he caught you staring mindlessly in his direction. Burning the deepest shade of red in your cheeks, you grabbed your books and quickly made yourself scarce, thanking heavens for the multiple aisles of books around. You walked around for ten minutes or so, actually placing your books back where they belonged and finding a secluded corner to check out what else was on the shelves. Squinting, you tried to read the name of the tome that had gotten your attention, and raised your arm to get it from the level that was clearly too high for you. Thankfully, someone reached over your head and helped you obtain the book. You turned around to say thank you but instead were suddenly pushed back into the shelf by the taller figure with neat red strands. Speechless, you only held your book close and gaped at him, as he leaned forward.

‘Ever heard about the cat killed by curiosity?’ He hummed, eyes piercing you from above.

You swallowed, knees getting weaker as you registered the fresh musky smell coming off of his brightly colored shirt.

To push your buttons, he decided to get even more scandalously close to you, arm holding onto the rack behind you to keep balance.

‘Nothing wrong with being curious!’ You jabbered. ‘In fact, if people preserved the curiosity they have as kids they would’ve had a much bigger learning capacity as adults.’

He huffed. You weren’t sure if he was shocked or amused, because your eyes looked anywhere but his face. In fact, they lowered enough to fix on your forearm, resting across his rib cage, and your fist pressing slightly into his pec to keep him at least at a minimal distance.

At this you gasped, eyes widening and returning to his face, only to catch an inquisitive spark in his retinas as he nudged the lip ring with his tongue. Sighing, he took a step back, finally allowing some space between you.

‘Can’t write a philosophy essay with this, little flower,’ he chuckled. ‘Or if you can… I’d be impressed.’

You looked down in confusion, understanding that the book you were holding was from a Botanics section. ‘The Oxford Book of Wild Flowers’, read the title.

But… How did he know about your philosophy assignment?

***

Only later had Baekhyun confessed that he had had an eye on you for a while by the time this incident took place, but the moment of your outburst was what got to him. When he looked down at your cornered form, holding a book to your chest so innocently, and keeping him away instinctively with one arm. He had to bite his tongue to prevent a smile from making its way onto his face. That was it for him, and even though he wanted to avoid you and keep interactions with you to an absolute minimum, he couldn’t help but find ways to draw your attention. Like that one time, when you walked out of the library because the loud noises from the outside made your concentration for the night crumble.

The source of that noise was, in fact, a certain convertible, blasting the music for the entire campus to hear. You would have come up to complain that your studying was cut short if you didn’t have perfect eyesight. It allowed you to see that there was a red-haired problem sat in the car, with a bare foot resting lazily against the panel. Ready to run the other way, you turned around, meeting a solid chest with your forehead. You discovered that it was a rather cheerful guy in the same year as you, Jongin, and the other one with him was Sehun. And those two stalled you long enough for Baekhyun to make an entrance.

It was the first time he tried asking you out. And got rejected.

However, as much as you wanted to take ownership of that and say that you were playing hard to get when you walked off and left him stunned by your refusal, that was not the case. This guy made your throat go dry at the mere sight of him! He was way too handsome, and he also looked kind of… well, he looked like he’d break your heart without thinking twice about it. And that you couldn’t allow.

But then again, good girls do tend to fall for bad boys. Or was he only pretending to be bad? You’d never heard anything that discredited him, except for the way he stared people down sometimes. That once happened to a fellow student in your class. After he sat next to you during lunch.

Actually, almost the entire week following that incident you had lunch alone because everyone kept making excuses to sit elsewhere. That was how you became friends with Jongin and Sehun. Having had a few classes together, you were more or less acquainted with each other, so you didn’t mind when Jongin suddenly appeared out of nowhere with a tray and asked you if they could join. He even had lunch with you when Sehun wasn’t around – you figured that it made Jongin even more chatty. So much so, that one day he leaned across the table to get slightly closer, and used his most clandestine voice on you.

‘You know, hyung could burn a hole in anyone next to you with his glare, but I’m immune to his ‘charms’, thankfully,’ he giggled and added, ‘Still, I think you should give him a chance. Baekhyun’s a good guy, and he’s kinda torn as it is. Asking you out was a pretty big step for him.’

Honestly, you had a hard time believing that. Baekhyun… was probably the kind of guy, who never even had to ask. You could look around and easily spot a dozen eyes that were fixed on him at this very moment. Why in the world would he want to date you, clearly not the ‘easy-going’ party type? He probably wanted to get into your pants just for sport, like the rest of the pretty boys.

‘Whatever you’re thinking, it’s far from the truth. Ugh, Junmyeon will kill me for this!’ Jongin cursed himself and continued, before you could ask. ‘Hyung looks rough around the edges, but he’s really a softie. Trust me on this.’

‘Are you his wingman or something?’ You snorted dubiously, getting a little timid from this discussion.

‘Ha, are you kidding? He’s gonna strangle me if he finds out. Like I said, he’s torn between staying away from you and persisting in his efforts to take you out. Just think about it,’ he ended with an attempted (but failed) wink.

As if to take away your chance to process the unexpected input, Jongin shoved Baekhyun in your direction the very next day. Disappearing from the cafeteria right after, of course. Envy his subtlety. But, apparently, what he said earlier had an effect, so you only nodded when a flustered figure asked for permission to sit with you. He looked quite different from the previous times you saw him up close – much less confident and intimidating. But he seemed sincere when he said he just wanted one chance.

And that was how your relationship picked up. It took a whirlwind course from the very beginning, and the hot summer before your second year of university was the most torturous time ever for the both of you. Still wary of getting played, you only trusted Baekhyun enough to get intimately close months and months into dating. And he was patient with you, going at a slow pace, letting you pull away whenever you wanted. Until you didn’t want to anymore.

That last leap of faith was a beginning in itself – a true beginning of you and Baekhyun. The final seal was broken, and you entrusted yourself fully to him, which he repaid by showering you in his affection and feelings that he himself had not come to acknowledge just then.

After a year together, you were not simply allowed into the inner circle, but also educated about the special abilities that Baekhyun and his friends had. You were first interrogated by their leader, Junmyeon, who wanted to make sure you had no ulterior motives and were not going to tell a living soul about them. He called it ‘a quick chat’ as he dragged you in a scarcely furnished room where he sat you down at the small metal table across from him. The leader asked you questions and tried reading your verbal and non-verbal cues, so it was clearly an interrogation. Junmyeon was pretty experienced in this, so he could instantly tell that you were harmless. And you also passed the test, answering the most ridiculous questions about Baekhyun – apparently, that was to make sure you were not ‘faking it’ – so, he accepted you into their family.

However, knowing too much was dangerous, so you only learned about their powers and how they came from the so-called EXO Planet when they were young (talk about dating an alien!), and that the organization they called ‘the Red’ amongst themselves wanted to hunt them down. They also used to be held hostage by these people – and that was just about as much you knew about the issue because Baekhyun kept you away from the ‘unnecessary details’. He only told you that they seemed to be hidden well in this town, surrounded by just enough people to blend in and disappear. And you worried, always, because you knew too little about the dangers surrounding the group, and even less about how you could contribute to their safety.

Baekhyun laughed when you once brought it up, finding your concern nothing but cute.

‘You don’t have to worry about it, flower. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe, not the other way around,’ he then said, playing with the curly ends of your hair.

You frowned at that. Why was it not your job to take care of him? If you could help, you wanted to help. But he always brushed you off, saying that the only thing you should do to help is staying out of trouble. Like that was a challenge – you either studied or hung out with him and his friends, not much room to stir trouble. The only other person you talked to regularly was your roommate, and she was also pretty harmless.

As time went by, you got closer to your own graduation, basically, one year left before you had to figure it out for yourself again. Your boyfriend was always supportive, but you couldn’t help but wonder how he imagined your future. He was always up to something but never shared it with you since it was ‘nothing for you to worry about’. Had he not shown you his actual abilities before, you would’ve certainly thought that it was a crazy lie he told you to cover up for some kind of illegal activity. In reality, some illegal activities were going on, especially since hacking and cracking was one of Minseok’s specialties (but mostly because they needed to keep their identities out of sight). Another reason why they didn’t all go to the same school when they arrived, and also why they changed their appearance ever so often. The lucky mullet was long gone by the time you had your first Christmas together, and you had had the pleasure of seeing him in multiple hair colors throughout almost three years of your relationship. Notably, the first dozen or so make-out sessions you had with him took place when he had just cut his hair and dyed it pitch black. And he still wore his fake lip ring at the time, which was an experience in itself. He did know how to use his mouth…

Admittedly, you were kind of used to being the object of the boys’ shameless teasing every time you hung out together. The way Baekhyun kept you close and fussed about everything was, apparently, atypical for their usually chill and humorous hyung. He was their second-in-command, after all, the genius behind the strategic planning of the group, and the mind that kept them hidden for so long in one place.

Because of you.

One of the boys had previously let it slip that they hadn’t lived anywhere for that long before, maybe not even for one full year. But this time Baekhyun was determined to stay for a while, now that he had an anchor.

But the day came. When he found out that they might’ve been compromised, he got scared. The way he’d never feared anything before. And he’d been through a lot, to put it mildly. Baekhyun could maintain a cold and sharp mind at all times, that was his thing, but not when it came to you. Once he figured out that there was a real chance, that they could’ve found the EXO hideout and, thus, could connect you to the boys, he couldn’t think straight. Overwhelmed by a sudden panic, he sought advice from the leader.

‘You know it’s not me who’s supposed to decide,’ Junmyeon sighed, looking at his disheveled second. ‘I told you a relationship wasn’t a good idea. I also think that keeping her close means putting her life in jeopardy.’

His words were cutting through Baekhyun as he paced the room, long fingers grasping his own hair.

‘But it still may be a safer option than leaving her here,’ the leader added, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘We need to relocate fast, and you have the ‘better of two evils’ situation on your hands.’

‘I know I should leave her,’ Baekhyun stopped in his tracks, turning his head to the leader. ‘But what if they already know, hyung?’

‘Minseok had every trace of her erased, not a single camera in town had a glimpse of her with you. They might have found our footprints in the sand, but those don’t necessarily lead to her. I suppose they should move on as soon as they come here and realize that we’re nowhere around.’

‘Most likely, but what if-’

‘They can very well catch up to us while we run. Like I said, there isn’t a right answer, but a choice. And I think that you’ve already made it when you should give her a voice, too,’ the leader pushed.

‘I-’ Baekhyun turned away to hide the glassy eyes from Junmyeon. ‘I have to give her a chance, hyung. I cannot sentence her to a lifetime of running and danger. And I know she’s silly enough to throw herself into it if she has a say in this.’

‘And if you’re wrong? You’re going to break her heart as a precaution?’

‘She won’t die from a broken heart. Can you imagine what they’d do to her if they find out?’

Junmyeon bit his lip. This time, the choice was completely out of his hands. He thought his second was making a mistake, but it was not his place to decide. Exhaling again, he nodded.

‘Tell her in the morning. We’re moving out as soon as the rain starts.’

>> Chapter 2

A/N: So, what do you think? This is more of an introductory chapter, I know, but it covers quite a lot of their relationship with Baek. You must be excited to see where this goes and when Baёk appears? Or if Baekhyun is coming back? Me too, me too 🙈

#baekhyun smut #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun x you #baekhyun #exowritersnet #icequeenbae fics #x exo #Desert Flower #2baek #baekbaёk #exo fanfiction #baekhyun fanfic

209 notes · View notes

lesbianrobin · 3 years ago

Note

What do you think are the good and bad aspects of each season of ST?

ok 1. thank u for this question omg and 2. this answer may or may not be a mess, but either way it’s long (almost 7k words lmao) bc i’m insane, which is why it’s under a cut. it’s still by no means an exhaustive list but these are the things that just kinda came to mind.

also i realize you asked “good and bad” and i wrote this whole post as “strengths and weaknesses” which um. is not Exactly what you asked. but close enough <3 i also ended up including a lot of au ideas ksjdckmn bc like i personally hate when people say a certain plot or whatever was bad without suggesting anything that could have improved it yknow so whenever possible i tried to provide Some idea for fixing the issues i had with the show!!

season 1

strengths (this is probably gonna be the longest section but that’s because a lot of these strengths also apply to s2/s3 by default)

nostalgia and authenticity

this one’s pretty simple, but i think that season one did a good job of blending classic eighties media homages (such as the many many e.t./el parallels) with explicit pop culture references (such as mike’s yoda impression, mentions of the x-men, etc) to create a show that’s essentially dripping in early eighties nostalgia without it feeling too forced. before st, i think the most popular depiction of the eighties in mainstream media was that overly exaggerated neon scrunchie aesthetic from the mid to late eighties, and it was usually done in a comedic sense first and foremost. st took a different approach, instead focusing on the early eighties, a time that’s often ignored in favor of going either Full Seventies or Full Eighties, and i think that this choice likely resonated with adults who lived through the eighties and hadn’t yet seen something that felt quite so accurate to their own adolescence. a lot of young people who watched st were totally unfamiliar with this period of time, unfamiliar with books/movies like “stand by me” that st borrows from heavily, and i think st lent more seriousness to the eighties than most young people had experienced so far, and this was refreshing and interesting!

the use of dnd in the show is also quite genius in a way i’m not sure i can articulate?? it isn’t something Everyone would have played at the time, but it’s something that existed within a different context back in the eighties than it does today, and it really lent a sort of authenticity to the naming of the show’s sci-fi elements. like, of course these kids would name parallel dimensions and monsters and superpowers after these similar things in their favorite game! it just feels so real and it grounds st in our reality moreso than you might expect from the typical sci-fi or horror universe.

utilization of existing tropes

almost every single character in st clearly originates from some popular trope. the plot itself is riddled with classic eighties movie tropes. almost every single element of stranger things can be clearly traced back to some iconic eighties film or just to, like, overused horror/sci-fi/mystery/coming-of-age movie tropes in general. this might sound like a bad thing, but it really works in st’s favor! starting off with familiar tropes gives st the ability to easily create a lot of complexity and make a big impact by selectively deviating from those familiar, comfortable tropes!! while el’s whole plot, hopper’s character, etc, are all examples of this in action, i think the steve/nancy/jonathan plot is the greatest example. even from the start, the fact that good girl barb dies while nancy is off having sex with her asshole boyfriend is an incredibly thorough inversion of the most well-known horror movie trope in the book. how often do girls in horror movies have sex for the first time, walk home alone in the dark of night, and live to tell the tale? nancy and jonathan’s dynamic at first glance is a sort of classic “good girl meets boy from the wrong side of the tracks, discovers he’s actually got a heart of gold” thing, but instead of following this well-trodden path, st diverged. nancy is brash, impulsive, and at times downright insensitive. jonathan is angry, bitter, and actually a bit of a creep at first. while they have the capacity to emotionally connect and support one another, they can also bring out each other’s darker side, which is not what we’ve come to expect from that initial tropey dynamic.

in addition, steve, the popular rich asshole boyfriend, is actually... a human being! unlike the cartoonishly evil jocks that we’ve come to expect (especially from eighties movies), steve has complexity. despite his initial immaturity and selfishness, he’s also kind to barb, he backs off when nancy says no, he’s gentle and sweet when they sleep together, his first big Dick Move of the season is in defense of nancy, he realizes the error of his ways after the fight and does what he can to fix it, he’s worried about nancy when he sees that she’s hurt at jonathan’s house, and to top it all off, he ends up saving both nancy and jonathan’s lives when he could have just walked away, and the three of them all work together to fight the demogorgon. like... steve began as the most stereotypical character of all time, and by the end of the season, he had one of the most compelling and unique arcs among the whole cast!

finally, at the very end of the season, instead of dumping steve for jonathan as expected, nancy ends up getting back together with steve, and they’re both on friendly terms with jonathan. i realize that i just kinda. summarized s1. but my POINT is that i don’t think the dynamics between the monster hunting trio would be nearly as fun and interesting had the characters of nancy, steve, and jonathan not been set up to follow certain paths that we already had charted in our own heads. like, within the first couple episodes of s1, it’s pretty obvious that nancy and steve are gonna break up, nancy will get with jonathan, and steve will either die or go full evil or just never be seen again. like, duh! you’ve seen this story a million times! you know that’s how it’s gonna go! so, when the story DOESN’T go that way, the impact of each character’s arc and the relationship dynamics become stronger due to their unexpected complexity and authenticity.

distinct plotlines separated by age group

this one’s rather obvious, but the way that the adults in s1 were essentially in a conspiracy thriller while the teens were in a horror flick and the kids were in a sci fi power-of-friendship story and all three converged at the end... wow. brilliant showstopping etc. not only was it just really well done and unique, it also gave stranger things near-universal appeal. like, there’s genuinely something for pretty much everyone in season one!

casting

obviously this applies to every season sorta by default, but when i think about what made season one So successful, i always think about the cast, and not just winona ryder. yes, she’s absolutely amazing in the show and it’s very doubtful that st would be as big as it is today without her name being attached to it from the start!! however, i think the greatest determining factor in st’s success is the casting of the kids, particularly millie bobby brown. like... el is just absolutely incredible. she’s amazing. this has all been said many times before so i won’t harp on it, but millie and the other kids are all So talented and charismatic and i think their casting has been instrumental to the show’s success.

strong visuals

the way that multicolored christmas lights which have been around for decades are now kinda like. a Stranger Things thing. jesus christ. those lights are probably the biggest stroke of stylistic genius on the show.

atmosphere and setting

this is probably like. the least important one here for me sdjncdsc because i think s2 and s3 both had like Even Better atmospheres and shit but s1 was good too and it laid the groundwork!! i know a lot of people would have preferred st be set somewhere more Spooky with lots of fog or giant forests or whatnot, and while i do enjoy thinking about alternate st settings and how they might alter the vibe, i think hawkins indiana was a good choice. as the duffers have said, placing stranger things in a fictional town allows them more flexibility than if they’d gone with their original plan of using montauk, new york. besides that, i think the plainness and like... flatness... of small-town indiana just Works. like, the fact that hawkins is never really scary on the surface is a big part of the horror in the lab’s actions and their impact. hawkins isn’t somewhere that people just disappear all the time. it isn’t somewhere known for strange occurrences (prior to s1, that is). it isn’t somewhere shrouded in mist and secrecy. hawkins on its surface seems like the sort of place with no secrets and nothing to fear, and that’s the point! the lab is out in the open! it’s right there! everything is so close to the surface, yet so far out of the public eye, and i think that really works.

the byers family’s whole deal (specifically the joyce/jonathan dynamic)

this is going here bc i miss it so bad in s2 and s3. i’m not one of those people who believe The Byers Are The Whole Point of the show, because st is and always has been an ensemble, and el, hopper, and the wheelers are just as instrumental to the plot as the byers, but ANYWAY, i do think the byers were one of the most interesting aspects of s1. joyce’s difficulties with supporting her sons as a poor and (implied mentally ill) single mother, jonathan’s stress as a result of having to earn money, care for his brother, and keep the house in order when his mother is unable to do so, and the resulting tension between them when will’s disappearance and supposed “death” brings the situation to a tipping point? holy shit! it’s so good! that argument after they see will’s “body” is just incredible and gut-wrenching. their relationship feels so real and messy and i think it’s just... good. also winona ryder REALLY acted her heart out and she carried a lot of s1 which i think people often forget to mention so i’m saying it here.

weaknesses

pacing/timing

ok so pacing is probably going to go in each season’s weaknesses, to be honest, because i think they all had a blend of some good and some bad pacing. good pacing is invisible pacing, though, so i probably won’t be putting it in any of the strengths sections and will only be focusing on it in the weaknesses. i’m also probably not going to talk about weird day/night cycle things, just because i don’t want to get nitpicky on timelines because that would require going back and rewatching things to double check timing which i don’t wanna do at the moment lmao. anyway, when i think of bad pacing in season one, i primarily think of two things: nancy’s little trip into the upside down and subsequent sleepover with jonathan, and the sort of staggered nature of the climax in the final episode. the latter is simple so i’ll explain it first: while i understand that each group’s respective climax is like part of a chain reaction and that’s why each big moment happens separately and at different times, i think that st is strongest when the whole group is together, and i think that makes the stakes feel higher too, so i’m not In Love with the way s1 separated everyone and gave each group their own climax.

okay, now on to the nancy/upside down thing! idk if i’ve ever talked about it before, but i think the worst decision made in s1 by far is the inclusion of nancy’s brief trip into the upside down, wherein she dives headfirst into another dimension with absolutely no backup, watches the demogorgon chow down, freaks out and runs around for a minute, and then leaves. like... what the fuck? even putting aside what an idiotic decision this was (because i do think nancy’s tendency to rush into things headfirst is an intentional and consistent character trait), it just kind of destroys any remaining suspense surrounding the demogorgon and the upside down, and it accomplishes basically nothing besides scaring nancy enough to have jonathan sleep over, which is lame. i will break it down.

like, first of all, nancy just getting to waltz in and out of the upside down and get a good, long look at the demogorgon makes the entire thing far less mysterious, and by extension far less scary. like... before this scene, we the audience haven’t got a good look at the demogorgon. we’ve seen its silhouette briefly and we’ve seen a blurry picture of it, but nothing more, and i think that is far more effective at building fear than this jaunt nancy goes on which gives us a full view of the thing and makes it into less of a horrifying nightmare and into more of a humanoid animal. like, maybe this is just me, but i found the demogorgon far less intimidating after that scene than before. it also lets nancy and jonathan know For Sure that they’re right without providing any crucial information that they need to fight the demogorgon (aka it’s unnecessary to the plot), which removes a very compelling story element (the faith nancy and jonathan need to have in order to keep going against a vague and poorly understood enemy, the doubt they might have about each other and their own sanity, the possibility that they might be wrong, the trust they need to have in each other) a bit earlier in the plot than i believe is ideal. at the end of episode 5, nancy goes into the upside down and jonathan doesn’t know where she is and it’s intense!!! you’re thinking like, oh fuck, not only is nancy missing and fighting for her life now too, jonathan might be implicated in her disappearance!! some people already think he’s the one who killed will and people know that he took creepy pictures of barb and nancy before they both disappeared, maybe this is gonna cause some serious problems for him!! maybe nancy will find will in the upside down and she’ll help him survive!! fuck, maybe she’ll actually die!! this is huge!! and then episode 6 starts and they’re immediately like oh nevermind jonathan found the tree and got nancy out and she’s fine. my point with all of this is that nancy entering the upside down could have done A Lot in the grand scheme of the plot, but all it did was just... get jonathan to sleep over so he and nancy could have some awkward romance moments and steve could see them together and pick a fight. which could have honestly happened at Any point while nancy and jonathan were working together to hunt down the demogorgon, without ruining the demogorgon’s and the upside down’s mystique. so yeah <3

weird behavior and dumbass decisions that make no sense (aka the whole camera thing)

gonna go off about the teen plot again sorry but: why was nancy so unbothered and quick to forgive jonathan for taking those pictures? girl what the fuck are you doing? why wasn’t that a bigger deal? why was jonathan’s motivation for doing it so weak and why did they just kind of forget about the whole thing? why did nancy TRACK HIM DOWN AT THE FUNERAL HOME while he was PICKING OUT HIS BABY BROTHER’S CASKET to be like hey can you tell me what’s in this creepshot you took? it’s insane. it’s so insane. i mean i think the funeral home thing is hilarious and i don’t mind it being in the show necessarily but like my point here is that i think a lot of character decisions in s1 just kind of.. happened because they Needed to happen for the plot. like, they wrote this plot that required jonathan to be secretly taking pictures of the party and required him and nancy to work together after seeing something odd in the pictures, but they didn’t like... really consider what that event would mean for their characterization and relationship. the whole thing was sort of just dropped with minimal discussion and i think it did both nancy and jonathan’s characters a disservice and was really mishandled.

lighting and saturation/color grading

i am literally begging horror/sci-fi shows to let me see shit. i GET IT okay i understand that when you’re doing cgi effects it helps to keep the lights down and i’m not mad at any of the lighting in the demogorgon/upside down scenes!! i’m really not i think the demogorgon scenes in s1 all look sick!! but like... dude. the colors. where are they. why does everyone look like a vampire. i know blah blah this was probably an intentional stylistic choice intended to mimic film at the time blah blah but dude a lot of old movies are very colorful!! please just let people have color in their faces so everyone doesn’t look like a sheet of paper!!! also i’m white and not a professional lighting designer so yknow grain of salt but i think lucas was kinda poorly served by the lighting sometimes in s1. not Hugely so, not to the degree that i’ve seen poc be poorly served by lighting in other shows, but there were some times where it felt kinda like the lighting setup was just not designed with darker skin in mind.

horror

i just personally don’t find s1 very scary like... ever. i don’t think they were really Trying to be extremely scary yknow so i’m not counting this as a big deal, but i do think that each season has improved on the horror aspects. i think s1′s horror lies more in the mystery and the unknown than in what’s seen onscreen, and as i’ve said already, i think s1 kind of fumbled that suspense ball.

season 2

strengths

the possession plot

i’ll warn u rn this whole s2 strengths section is probably gonna be really short bc idk like. how much there is to really say i feel like it’s all so self-explanatory skjncmn. anyway yeah the possession plot!! eerie as fuck, and noah OWNED. so did winona tbh and finn and sean etc but like. noah. wow! i think the possession plot helped the show maintain a good amount of tension and suspense throughout the season, and a lot of scenes with possessed!will are flatout disturbing to watch. in a good way. i think the mindflayer and will’s possession were far more genuinely frightening than s1′s demogorgon, and it provided a new layer of depth and intrigue to the antagonist besides just “bad monster want eat people.”

tone and aesthetics

halloween season... literally halloween season. halloween season. that is all.

actually i will elaborate a bit and just say that i think s2 did a good job of having the sort of foreboding vibe that s1 was often going for, but without the annoying darkness and desaturation. so points for that.

also st2 is like one of the best Autumn pieces of media ever like it just. like steve and dustin on those train tracks with the fallen leaves all around them.... god. god the vibes are unparalleled. all of the halloween stuff also really contributes to the nostalgia st runs on yknow it makes you think about childhood and trick-or-treating and you kind of get transported like damn... i remember going to the rich neighborhoods to score the good candy..... idk i just think the whole thing is incredibly effective.

“babysitter” steve

by sending nancy and jonathan off together, the show created a problem: what to do with steve? this problem pushed them to create the unconventional and unexpected duo of steve and dustin, and the world is so much brighter for it. seriously though we all know steve and dustin are great i don’t need to argue that point. all i’ll add is that i think allowing steve to grow in this way, serving as a mentor figure and becoming genuine friends with someone so unexpected, really took the originality of his character to the next level. no longer content just to defy his archetype, in s2 steve begins branching out in ways that never would have been considered in s1, creating an incredibly complex and interesting person from the sort of character that most shows would have simply written out or killed off for convenience’s sake. and it works and steve and dustin are such a joy to watch and i love them. <3

the lucas/max plot

so first of all max mayfield is the most perfect baby girl on god’s green earth and idk what i would do without her but anyway. i think lumax is the best romantic relationship in the show and not just because they’re the only ones with like an age-appropriate approach to the whole thing. it’s also because their relationship accomplishes more than just putting the two of them in a relationship!! lucas and max spending time together motivates billy to do his evil shit, providing more conflict in the narrative, and it also helps establish max as part of the group in a relatively natural way while giving both her and lucas a great subplot. lucas (and dustin) has a crush on the new girl, they start spending some time together, and lucas ends up needing to decide whether he’ll keep the secret of the upside down and lose her, or risk both of their lives by telling her the truth. that’s a pretty big, character-defining decision that he gets to make!! max has to choose whether to trust this boy she barely knows and endanger herself, or to walk away and stay safe, yet another great character-defining choice that also contributes to the sense we get as an audience of max as somebody who’s incredibly lonely and desperate for love and connection. this post is way too long already and i have a ton more to say so i’ll stop now but yeah i think lumax really Works in the show without ever distracting or detracting from the overall plot and narrative in the way that some other ships (coughjancycough) often do.

balance between the normal and abnormal

s2 i think did a pretty solid job of melding daily life with more fantastical sci-fi horror elements. i enjoyed seeing so much of the kids at school in the first few episodes!! you really get a strong sense of where they’re at in life, what their daily lives are like, and you get a sort of gradual shift into madness that makes everything feel more grounded than i think it would if they had just leapt straight into the horror shit, yknow?

the el and hopper dynamic

go back and rewatch s2 and tell me that’s not one of the most moving portrayals of parenthood and trauma and growing up that you’ve ever seen. you can’t. or well you can but i won’t listen. i really can’t imagine stranger things without el and hopper’s relationship, and it’s my absolute favorite part of s2. their whole dynamic is so beautiful and complex, and gives them each amazing personal arcs in addition! the black hole scene is literally one of the show’s greatest moments of all time. any given scene between the two of them in s2 is just guaranteed to be heartwarming as well as heartbreaking, and i think that makes for an incredible show.

weaknesses

flashbacks

okay this applies to Every season they All have too many flashbacks but in s2 specifically... please stop showing me shit from season one. i watched it. i know what happened. you don’t need to spoon feed everything to me!! flashbacks can be a really helpful way of delivering information to an audience, but st has a bad habit of not only being kinda demeaning in how often they flash back to shit that the audience already knows, but they also have a bad habit of using flashbacks almost as a crutch to avoid having to deliver information subtly and naturally.

you know i gotta say it... the lost sister

this is so sad. the lost sister really is like a great concept for an st episode, and i’m not mad about the idea of st taking a break from the normal action to focus on one story for a full episode, but the execution of it was just dreadful. kali and her crew feel very over-the-top and stereotypical, and its placement in the season totally kills the tension and excitement that was built in “the spy.”

i think the lost sister honestly could have gone over far better, even with the stereotypical fake-feeling gang kali has, if they had just swapped it with “the spy” like... ok, the end of episode five has el setting off to find kali and will collapsing on the ground seizing. right? imagine if, instead of immediately following will to the lab, we’d followed el. we don’t know what’s happening with will, but it’s a very simple cliffhanger that leaves us on edge without making us feel cheated by the show cutting away. we follow el on her little journey, everything happens much the same as canon, and then at the end, el sees hopper in scrubs. she sees mike, screaming, sees that they’re both in danger. holy shit!!! what the fuck!!! what’s happened since we left will seizing on the ground??? we feel el’s fear and confusion. she decides to go home. and then... boom. “the lost sister” is over. now, we rewind, right back to will seizing on the ground, and “the spy” commences. we learn how they got into the danger that el saw in the end of “the lost sister,” and we sit on the edge of our seats all through “the spy” and “the mind flayer,” KNOWING that el is on her way back to save them but not knowing when she’ll arrive!! idk i don’t think that would have necessarily saved lost sister but i think it may have alleviated some of the issues that i and many others have with it, timing-wise.

the nancy/jonathan sidequest

once again, the idea of nancy going off on her own little mission to find justice for barb after s1 is like. amazing. genuinely i love that plot for her and i can’t imagine anything better for her to have focused on in s2. unfortunately though i think her and jonathan’s little trip to see murray was just kind of... lame. the whole thing just felt like an excuse to get the two of them alone together, yknow? which is fine i guess people contrive all sorts of situations to get characters alone together for romance reasons but in this case i think it just really doesn’t work for me because of what it’s juxtaposed with. like, will is POSSESSED, and jonathan is just off on a mini road trip and sleeping with his bestie, and jonathan never seems to communicate to joyce/will that he left town, and joyce never like... thinks to tell him that will is like sick and fucked up and they’re looking at him in the lab??? like it’s so weird i know joyce always forgets about jonathan when shit’s happening with will but jfc you’d think at some point in that like... 72-ish-hour period where jonathan was out of town she would have thought about him. like at least once. maybe i’m forgetting something and she mentioned him sometime and i missed it but even still, i hate the juxtaposition of nancy and jonathan just like cheers-ing at murray’s place and sleeping together and whatnot while everyone else is dealing with possession or trying to hunt down dart yknow? it feels really boring in comparison and i think it could have been done far better. like it was SO insanely easy for them to get into the lab and get an admission of guilt and escape with it!! i think it might have been a lot more engaging if maybe someone from the lab tailed them to murray’s place and they had to like lose the tail and race to get the recording out to as many news outlets as possible before they got caught, or something like that. the tension in their plotline is completely resolved in episode four!! episodes five and six are just them screwing around and addressing envelopes. while there were a lot of strong ideas in this plotline (i really enjoy nancy going out of her way to get justice, and the fact that they have to water down the story to make it believable), i just think the focus on nancy and jonathan getting together hindered it a lot without adding a ton to the plot or their individual characters.

season 3

strengths

starcourt mall as a setting

while i don’t think the mall was utilized quite to its full potential (something i could make a separate post about if anyone’s interested), i do think that starcourt was a genius addition to the series. i’ve said this before, but building a new mall is a literal Perfect in-universe justification for a significant leap forward in fashion and aesthetics, and it provides a great location for characters to just... be characters. idk how else to articulate this i just think that the mall is a great setting to let people interact with each other and to bring people together who may not have been otherwise (i.e. scoops troop). not to mention how sick it was to see the mall get wrecked toward the end kdjncdkm like they were able to do so much more with the mall in terms of like The Finale than they could with just the byers house or the cabin or the school or even the lab. i love all the back tunnels they run through it’s such a fun like acknowledgement of how this glitzy eighties mall is just a real place where employees get shipments and take out the trash and shit idk it’s all about the perfect facade and what’s hidden what’s underneath what’s hiding in plain sight etc etc i’m just saying words now. anyway.

willingness to experiment and go against expectations

gay robin. neon aesthetics. giant fucking meat monster. i know some people hate both the neon and the meat monster but i personally think they were kind of amazing and like. yknow regardless of personal tastes i think it’s impossible to deny that s3 had a lot of incredible visuals, and they’re all visuals that just wouldn’t have been possible if the show were too afraid to stray from its s1 aesthetic. robin being canonically gay (and her resulting friendship with steve) and the season’s striking visuals are two things that most everyone (besides like homophobes skjncdknm) can agree were great, right? and they were both departures from where the show began and what we all expected!! so yeah i think while some of the experimentation in s3 wasn’t ideal it was also that experimentation that allowed for some of the season’s strongest elements to come about.

the hospital sequence (and the season’s action/horror scenes in general)

this one is fairly self-explanatory. while they may have underutilized the “body snatching” element of the season, the hospital sequence with nancy and jonathan fighting off their possessed bosses did an amazing job of building tension and creating a genuine sense of really intense and personal danger.

in general i think that s3 melded action and horror rather well, particularly in the sauna test, the hospital, and when the mindflayer busts through the roof of hop’s cabin. horror can come from many things, and in this case, st elicited horror largely from the feeling of helplessness, and it was really effective for me personally. i think it worked better for me than s1′s brand of horror because it doesn’t rely so much on a lack of knowledge or a sense of suspense that inevitable disappears upon a second viewing.

the body horror we got in s3 was also really fun! that’s it i just think all the blood and guts and slime were fun and i would like more of them. once again, the impacts of body horror are less dependent upon the viewer being in the dark or unsure as to what’s happening, and as such i think it tends to be a little more effective at eliciting reaction in the long term.

timing and mechanics of the battle of starcourt/finale

i think the battle of starcourt is just fucking awesome, and beyond that personal opinion, i think it’s the most high-stakes and intense finale of all three seasons, and this is for two main reasons! 1. el is out of commission, and 2. (almost) everyone is in the same cental location. this means that (almost) everyone is in danger all at once, and they are all working together at the same time to fight the same threat. s1/s2 have their groups more fragmented for the finales, and while i understand why in each case and i wouldn’t call either season’s finale necessarily weak, i do think the centralized nature of the s3 finale just Works on another level. in s1 and s2, large segments of the cast are already perfectly safe by the time el dispatches the primary threat. in s3, however, everybody save for dustin and erica is still in danger up until the last moment, and el is seemingly (you can def debate how much power she still had in her when she peeked into billy’s mind and whether the memory broke the mindflayer’s hold on him or if she was actually controlling him to some degree) completely vulnerable. this increases the tension and raises the stakes, making the finale a real crescendo to fortissimo as opposed to a series of little mezzo forte moments. i hope everyone reading this knows music idk how else to phrase that my brain is stupid.

emphasis on friendship and adolescence (but in a different way than s1/2)

this is definitely a controversial one but i think that s3 really did like... show a side of friendship that had been more or less unexplored thus far in the show. el and max were amazing, and i think it’s really nice that we got an opportunity to see the kids have some growing pains as well as see them support each other through Normal Adolescent Stuff like boyfriends and breakups instead of just like. death and trauma. this is maybe just a personal preference, but i think it can be really enlightening and provide a lot of depth when you get to see how characters respond to normal everyday conflict and not just how they respond to giant world-ending conflict!! letting el use her powers for goofy teenage shit like spying on boys and messing with mean girls at the mall is not only fun for her and the audience, but it also really emphasizes just how much those powers are a part of el, making it that much more devastating when she loses them at the end of the season.

weaknesses

tonal dissonance

so this is like. obvious. but it must still be said! i won’t go on and on about it since we all know this so i’ll try to like talk about it from an angle people don’t usually? anyway. it seems to me like they were maybe a little worried about s3 being too dark. while the choice to really lean into humor was definitely driven by the sorts of eighties teen films from which s3 drew inspiration (like fast times at ridgemont high), i think it was also done in an attempt to alleviate the more troubling implications of some events in the season, particularly the russian bunker plot. like, yeah, st can be incredibly dark, but if they’d played the whole “children being stuck inside of a foreign military base, tied up, tortured, and drugged” thing completely straight without the humorous elements that exist in canon, it had the potential to be like... disturbing on a new level. steve and robin don’t have powers like el yknow their kidnapping/torture doesn’t have any sci-fi elements to sorta soften the blow. they’re just innocent teenagers being brutalized and traumatized by grown men. so anyway yeah i think maybe the writers were concerned about this storyline coming off as too dark and they wanted it to be a little more whimsical but they ended up pushing way too hard in that direction and creating extreme dissonance at times. this goes for joyce/hopper/murray/alexei too, but to a lesser extent. i think the ridiculousness in that group felt a lot more like... realistic. but still.

newspaper plot

once again i feel like i don’t even need to say this skjdncmn we all know it was insane how the show basically ended up delivering the message “while misogyny is a serious problem poverty and classism are not” and i’ve said it on this blog a million times so i don’t need to repeat myself. i’ll focus on another weak point of this plot: the fact that it completely separates nancy and jonathan from everyone else. once again, the show’s preoccupation with j/ancy held them back! like... can you imagine a version of s3 where nancy and jonathan both worked in the mall? i have a lot of ideas about this possible au and like how the plot could play out differently if they worked in the mall but first of all it’s just more realistic, second of all it further utilizes the mall as a central setting, and third of all, it would bring everyone together. as it is in canon, nancy and jonathan were unnecessarily isolated from the rest of the group, and this isolation was detrimental to both of their characters. like, they only ever get to interact with each other! if they’d gotten summer jobs in the mall, they could have had more interactions with the kids/steve/robin, and they absolutely still could have had a similar argument! maybe in this case, nancy notices the rat thing (or something else odd) herself when taking out the trash behind the mall, and she wants jonathan to ditch work with her to check it out bc she thinks it may be related to the lab. jonathan doesn’t want to ditch work because he needs his job, nancy argues that they’re working shitty mall jobs anyway and who cares if they get fired, and we get more or less the same thing as s3 without the cartoonishly over-the-top misogyny. i mean honestly i think the rat shit could have been cut entirely it didn’t rly... accomplish much of anything. in my opinion. like imagine s3 without the rat plot you literally would not be missing anything except it would be more surprising when the dudes melted into goo at the hospital. so yeah i think it would have been better if nancy and jonathan had jobs at the mall, weren’t isolated from everybody else, and were maybe absorbed into the party’s plot or the scoops troop’s plot from very early on, allowing them to interact with more characters and have a less... dumb.... plot. like god splitting up nancy and jonathan between the party/scoops troop would have been So Much better i just. sdkjcnksdmn anyway yeah.

briefness of group reunion/separation of groups

remember in s2 at the beginning of “the gate,” where mike and hopper had a confrontation and max and el met for the first time and el hugged everyone and steve and nancy had their sad little moment together outside... where’s that energy? obviously the s2 reunion wasn’t that long either, but it made space for some significant emotional moments to take place. s3′s reunion had some hopper/el/mike resolution, but besides that... there was nothing, really. i just think that the whole group getting together in s3 was SO exciting and powerful the way they did it (with both the scoops troop and the adults having their own Big Moment reconnecting with team griswold family), but the emotional potential was more or less squandered.

i also think in s3 at times they were really stretching to keep everybody separated even though it made no sense. and like... in s1 the separation worked bc nobody else knew that (x group) was experiencing weird shit too, and beyond that, each group (as i mentioned in the s1 section) was sort of operating within their own genre and bringing something unique to the season. they’ve stopped doing that though! now, the groups aren’t separate bc each plot is tonally/structurally different, the groups are just separate bc... they need to be, because it’s a big ensemble cast and you can’t just have them all be together for a whole season or it would be way too difficult to coordinate things and keep the show dynamic. all this is to say that i’m excited for s4 because the location differences make it so there’s a Reason for each plot to be separate at the beginning, and i think that’ll work better.

general ridiculousness

i dont mean like i think it’s bad that they made jokes this is just me lumping in all the dumb shit like hopper not worrying about el and not wanting to check on the kids, him and joyce bickering long after they both know they and their children are in danger, max seemingly forgetting that billy is a racist abuser, etc etc. i think many of these are just a symptom of the show 1. trying desperately to keep the groups split up a certain way even though it may not make any sense, and 2. trying to fit into a certain genre/trope mold when their actual characters are more complex than the tropes they’re imitating. this is so fucking long already i am not gonna elaborate further rn but i trust u all know what i mean.

soooo... yeah, that’s about all! i mean it’s not all there are definitely many more things i could talk about and i know i focused sorta disproportionately on the teens which is my bad :/ but i’m done for now. thank you for asking, and apologies for the delay in responding!! i’m sure some people reading (if anyone read this far) will disagree with some of what i’ve said and that’s alright like i’m not The Authority on st or anything i’m just trying to talk about like my own thoughts yknow? so yeah luv u all i hope someone enjoyed reading this!!

#asks #em talks #lesbianrobin.canon #stranger things #if u actually read all this i love u and im sorry #these r just my opinions!! and im sure i misremembered some shit my brain is swiss cheese #i did my best tho

85 notes · View notes

plant-flwrs · 4 years ago

Note

Can I request a ilvermorny transfer x one of the twins? I think it'll be cool if she wore roller skates to school (charmed by yours truly) since it's the 90s and she's cool but super sweet and caring - maybe when they invite her over to the burrow for the summer or their birthday she can give them a pair? Thanks ily!!!

roller skates // fred weasley

masterlist!

a/n: ok i always feel bad when my fics take so long to set up and theres barely any like actual romance and i am trying to work on it. i think its hard for me to go into a fic where a relationship is already established, so i like writing them coming together and the immersion of it. but i hate reading fics where it takes forever to get to the good parts so just know that i will be trying to work on that flaw in my writing! thanks so much for reading! (i made the reader from florida just because my mind blanked on any other places that don’t have snow lol, but it’s not really relevant in any other situations so ignore it if u please) also just realizing all of my summaries sound scary and ominous also just realizing how i say way too much in these author notes im so sorry bye

summary: The American transfer student draws attention to herself with her accent, but Fred is drawn to something else about her.

(10.4k hehe sorry :D)

-----

Looking around at the students bustling past you, the only word you could think of was “proper”.

Looking down at your muggle clothes, loose and mismatched, your hair resting naturally, the only word you could think to describe yourself with was “improper”.

A boy with a permanent scowl and striking blond hair glanced your way, and the taller adults behind him followed his eye line. The three of them looked you up and down and their mouths all distorted into nasty grimaces. You felt your father’s comforting hand clasp over your shoulder, trying to help you remember everything he had said to you before arriving at King Cross Station.

“They aren’t that different from us,” he repeated, and you could tell he was doubting himself as he glanced at the uptight children and their matching parents.

He guided you forwards, and you pushed your large cart in front of you, navigating through the crowd. It started to separate around you, and even more odd glances were thrown your way. You supposed you should have felt a little insecure- you looked quite out of place- but the feeling could not overwhelm the excitement you felt. You had read all about Hogwarts, its history, its architecture, and you even picked up a few books about muggle London.

You were stood in your father's embrace, about to board. Your things were stored away, and you heard the train roaring louder and louder. You glanced around, the fathers in their dress shirts and ties, mothers in long skirts and blouses. Their children wore sweaters and jeans, or suit jackets and dress pants.

Something caught your eyes, though; a few feet away there was a large family, mingling in embraces. They all had flaming red hair, and their clothes looked like yours. In fact, your clothes resembled the oldest woman’s clothes, mismatched and colorful. Her eyes watered, and she smoothed down the hair on a fidgeting boy.

“Ronald, hold still!” she shouted at him, and he reluctantly allowed his mother to soothe his red hair down into a part on the side.

Once the woman had moved onto another child, Ronald roughed his hair back to the mess it was before. The woman now clutched a smaller boy, who looked like he was Ronald’s age, by the shoulders. She moved a hand to soothe his unruly hair off his forehead. Your eyes widened when you saw the lightning bolt on his forehead.

The books you had bought about the English Wizarding World did not neglect to mention the boy who lived. Elbowing your father, you both cast glances at the family. Your father nodded his head, looking impressed at the sight of Harry Potter.

“Thanks again Mrs. Weasley,” Harry said, and it sounded like he had said it millions of times before.

Mrs. Weasley waved off the two boys, who went to gather a girl with large bushy hair.

“Come on ‘Mione! We’ve got to get a good compartment,” Ronald said impatiently, tugging the girl's arm onto the train.

Mrs. Weasley was left with four other children. One of them looked like all the other proper British people you had seen at the station, a permanent sneer on his face. He shook his head stiffly at his mother and shook his father’s hand. You thought it was quite odd, and two identical boys standing with the family couldn’t contain their laughter.

“Yes,” one of them started, doubling over in a bow, “good day, mother,” he said pompously, imitating his brother.

“May you have a wonderful few months,” the other started, moving to shake his father’s hand as his brother had moments ago, “I’ll be looking for your owl,” he said, sounding incredibly posh.

The younger girl, with the same fiery hair, began to giggle, earning a scowl from the eldest brother as he boarded the train.

The girl pulled her mother in for a hug, and then her father, and waved to them fervently as she followed after her brother.

“You boys, stay out of trouble!” Mrs. Weasley said to the remaining twins, waving a finger at them.

“We always do, mum,” one said, and it was obvious by his tone that they didn’t often stay out of trouble.

They waved to their parents at the same time, stepping onto the train with a certain enthusiasm.

You averted your gaze, looking anywhere but at the family you had been staring at. You looked up at your father, hugging him one last time. When you pulled back, you heard his name being called.

“Mr. Y/n?” the voice called out, approaching the two of you.

It was Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Mr. Weasley already had his hand stuck out to your father.

“I’m Arthur Weasley, I’ve been the one to hire you at the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office at the Ministry. This is my wife, Molly. Funny to meet you here,” he said politely, looking at you and your father in a nicer way than any other wizard had during your time at the station. His eyes didn’t wander down to your brightly colored shoes, or your patterned pants, and he didn’t even cast a second glance at your oversized, offensively colored sweater. You beamed at him.

“Oh! Yes, it’s great to meet you,” your father said, shaking his hand. He squeezed your shoulder, jostling you a bit, “This is my daughter, Y/n.”

“Oh, would you hear that accent, Arthur!” Molly gasped, smiling as if she was astonished. Your father chuckled at her reaction. You supposed it would happen to you a lot at Hogwarts.

They both smiled at you, and Arthur offered you his hand to shake. You held your hand out, but the sleeve of your sweater swallowed the limb. You shook the extra clothing away, and Molly chuckled. Finally shaking his hand, you held it out to Molly. She bypassed your hand and began to roll up the sleeves of your sweater.

“Thank you,” you said, and she nodded, accomplished, at you.

“Better get her going,” your father said, and the Weasleys nodded at you.

“Have a good term, dear,” Molly said to you, patting your shoulders the way she had done to Harry.

“Thank you,” you repeated, moving past them and heading onto the train.

You waved one last time at your father, and the door closed behind you.

You wandered down the isles, looking for an empty place to sit. You pretended to look like you knew where you were going, hoping fewer people would stare at you if you did. Your plan didn’t work, and you caught the eyes of almost everyone you passed.

You had made it to the end of the train, and your eyes peered into the last cabin. It was empty except for a girl and a boy. They seemed friendly enough, so you slid open the door.

“Mind if I sit with you guys?” you asked, and the boy looked at you quizzically when he heard your voice.

“Not at all,” the girl said.

She had strikingly blonde hair and gray eyes that poured deeply into you. She had a faint smile on her lips, and her head was cocked to the side.

“I’m Luna Lovegood,” she said, and her voice was light and airy, “This is Neville Longbottom.”

The boy shifted in his seat, casting a shy glance at you. He raised a shaky hand and gave you a curt wave.

You smiled widely at the two of them, glad you seemed to have picked the right place to sit.

The train ride went fast enough. Luna asked you all sorts of questions about America, and you asked her all sorts of questions about England. When Neville warmed up to you, he asked some questions about Ilvermorny. They asked what house you had been in there, and you told him you were a Thunderbird, the soul of the witch.

“Where do you reckon she’ll be sorted into here?” Neville asked Luna. You leaned forwards, curious for the answer.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, peering into a magazine she had balanced into her lap, “but if I’m lucky, it’ll be Ravenclaw.”

“Which one is Ravenclaw?” you asked, trying to remember what you had read.

“The wise and witty,” Luna said, moving her robes to show the crest on it. It was blue with a bird over it.

“A raven, clever,” you said, looking closer at Neville’s red-trimmed robes.

“You’d think,” he said, “but it’s an eagle. I’m a Gryffindor, we’re meant to be brave but,” he trailed off, and Luna placed a comforting hand on his arm.

“Oh, stop it, Neville,” she said gently, her gaze back onto you, “there's Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin.”

You nodded, recalling what little you read.

“My dad said he figured I would be a Hufflepuff. The Ministry told him he was a Ravenclaw, he had to do the silly sorting hat and everything,” you said, and Neville smiled at you.

“Hufflepuff? They’re quite nice, I suppose,” he said, sounding disappointed that you weren’t in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw.

“Well, we won’t know for sure,” Luna said, closing her magazine, “until-” but the train’s brakes began to screech.

Her smiled widened, and you looked down at your robes you had changed into. Maybe now people would be less inclined to stare, you thought.

You were right, but only briefly. Once you had gotten to the Great Hall, you were shuffled in with the first years. Your face burned a slight red the whole time, your larger and older stature standing out amongst the sea of younger students. Your name was called, and you heard a faint whooping coming from the table of red.

You glanced at it, seeing Neville lowering a cheering fist from the air. He looked around nervously, and you saw one of the Weasley twins glancing at his quizzically. You smiled at Neville’s support and sat in the stool.

An old and tattered hat was lowered onto your head, and suddenly it began speaking in your ear.

“Hm, very interesting. You’re not from here, that’s obvious,” it spoke quickly, echoing in your skull, “but I think the choice is simple. I’d say,”

Suddenly the voice left your skull and boomed into the room, for everyone to hear.

“Hufflepuff!”

Cheers from a table full of yellow sounded off, some raising from their seats and clapping for you. You beamed, moving off the stool and skipping cheerfully towards the table. You walked down the aisle between the red and yellow, and Neville’s hand stuck out at you.

“Congratulations!” he said excitedly, holding his hand up for a high five.

You hit his hand, and he waved you off.

A girl with a yellow tie and dark hair waved you over. She inched over, giving you room to sit with her.

“I’m Sarah, happy to have you in Hufflepuff!” she beamed, and you didn’t think you would ever get used to the British accents.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you watched her eyes widen at the sound of your voice, “I’m Y/n.”

“You’re American! You must have come from that American school, what’s it called, Ilmorny?” she asked, ducking her head and whispering as the sorting continued.

“Ilvemorny,” you corrected her, still smiling.

Sarah asked you a lot of the same questions Neville and Luna had asked, but you didn’t mind answering them. She had even offered to give you a tour of the school tomorrow, with the promise that you would choose the bed next to her’s in the dorm.

Sarah had lived up to her promise. You walked with your head permanently tilted upwards, admiring the greatness of the castle. Sarah ate with you at every meal and even insisted on walking you to your classes until you knew the way on your own. She had been so nice to you, and when Luna told you about the upcoming Hogsmeade trip, you knew you had to ask her to go with you.

The two of you walked through the snow, wrapped up in matching yellow and black scarves. She had linked her arm with yours and pulled along to all her favorite shops.

The two of you ducked into The Three Broomsticks, sick of the ice sticking to your face.

You saw a red scarf and a blue scarf sitting at a table, and when you saw the flow of blonde hair peeking from the blue one, you knew who it was. You pulled Sarah over to Luna and Neville, and Neville told you to pull up two chairs. You introduced Sarah to Luna and Neville.

“We’re just waiting for Harry, Ron, and Hermione to meet us,” Neville said, smiling cheerfully.

“Oh, should we go?” you asked, offering to free up your chair.

“No, no, stay,” Luna urged you, pulling your arm back down, “I’ll introduce you.”

This was how you were going to meet Harry Potter, you thought, huddled up at a small table, drinking a foamy beverage that left a little white mustache on your upper lip.

Harry was just like every other kid, and he was with the people you had seen at the station that day.

“What did you say your last name was?” Ron asked, leaning over the table so you could hear him.

“Y/l/n,” you said.

“Does your dad work for the Ministry?” he asked, and you nodded, “Our dads work together!” he said, elbowing Harry.

“Her dad is the bloke my dad was raving about all summer, the guy from America,” Ron said to Harry, and Harry nodded at you.

“What a coincidence,” you said, dipping your head to take another sip of the drink Sarah had ordered you.

You all fell into a natural conversation, and Hermione asked to switch seats with Sarah at one point. Sarah had no protests, filing easily into the seat next to Harry, glancing at him dreamily.

“Will you tell me about America? I’ve been to other parts of Europe for holidays, but never America. What’s it like? How different are the wizards?" Hermione sounded off questions like she had them rehearsed, but you were happy to answer them.

You and she were in a fit of laughter after she had told you about her parents’ reaction to her letter. Your eyes were shut, brimming with tears, as Hermione recounted her mother’s jumping up and down.

You were so involved with your conversation with Hermione, you hadn’t noticed Ron’s brothers come into the restaurant.

“Hello, Ickle Ronniekins,” one of them teased, messing a hand through Ron’s overgrown hair, “when are you gettin’ a hair cut?”

“Mum’s gonna cut it all off the second you get home,” the other said, pulling a chair in between Luna and Ron. The other pulled a chair in between Harry and Sarah, and you didn’t miss Sarah’s annoyed sigh at the interruption.

You and Hermione were recovering from your laughter, clutching your stomachs and breathing heavily.

“What’s so funny ladies?” one of them said, shoving Ron aside so he could rest his elbows on the table.

“Just telling Y/n about how my parents reacted to my letter from Hogwarts,” Hermione sighed, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

“You’re the famous Y/n?”

“The American?”

Ron elbowed each of his brothers in their sides, frowning at them.

“That’s me,” you answered cheerfully, smiling at them, “Are you Ron’s brothers?”

“More like,” one of them started.

“Best friends,” the other finished.

“He really would be nowhere if it weren’t for us,” they said at the same time.

A smile slid across your face; it was easy to smile around your new friends, you found.

Hogwarts was better than you could have ever hoped. You wrote to your father nearly every week, recounting the amazing things you had done with Sarah, Luna, Neville, Harry, Hermione, and Ron. The seven of you were becoming inseparable.

Luna’s blue tie dangled over your face as you lay on her lap, she was trying this odd head charm she had read about in the Quibbler. Your head rested in between her legs, back on the ground. Her skinny fingers were pressed to your temple, and they hesitantly pressed into your skin.

“Is that right?” she asked, consulting the cartoon pictures that moved on the Quibbler laying next to her.

“I don’t reckon, it doesn’t feel like anything’s happening,” you said, sitting up and rubbing where Luna’s fingers had been.

“Neville,” Luna said, motioning him over. His face grew white as she pulled him into him, moving to where you had been. Luna’s fingers pressed against Neville’s head, and his eyes fluttered closed. Luna began to hum to herself, and Neville smiled.

You crawled over to sit by Ron under the tree. Sarah was talking to Harry, her eyes dazed over as he gently brushed off a leaf that had fallen on her shoulder. Hermione was near, her head resting on her bag, laying on her back with his legs crossed. She was deep into a muggle book you recognized, and you couldn’t blame her for not wanting to put it down.

“Hi, Ron,” you snapped him out of his thoughts, ending his obvious staring at Hermione, “enjoying the weather?”

“Yeah, it’s just about my favorite time of year,” he said, twisting a blade of grass in his fingers.

The snow had melted, winter break had ended. Ron was able to shed his mother's heavy knitted sweaters and wear some of his more comfortable shirts.

“I quite liked the winter,” you said, your head leaning against the tree, “it was my first time seeing snow.”

“Are you serious? Why didn’t you tell us that?” Ron asked, seeming bewildered.

“Don’t know,” you shrugged, smiling at him.

“Hermione! Oi, Hermione! Y/n had never seen snow before she came here,” Ron said, calling out to Hermione.

“I know, she’s from Florida,” Hermione said, uninterested, head still buried in her book.

“Florida? Why didn’t I know that?” Ron asked, feeling out of the loop.

“Don’t know,” you repeated, shrugging again.

“Because you don’t ask, Ron,” Hermione said, sounding unpleased with Ron’s loud volume.

You stifled a laugh, but Ron looked at you, feeling guilty.

“Hermione’s right, I guess,” Ron said, casting a sad glance at you.

“It’s alight, Ron, I won’t hold it against you,” you reassured, and Ron perked up a little.

“Tell me one thing no one else here knows about you,” Ron said urgently. To this, Hermione closed her book and lay it on her chest, interested in what you were going to say.

You thought about it. You didn’t have anything to hide from your friends, but you felt yourself blanking on even the littlest fact about yourself. You tried to think of any special abilities you had, besides being a wizard, or any life events that were significant. The only thing you thought of was the hesitance you had when packing your trunk for school, debating on whether or not to bring your roller skates with you. Ilvermorny had allowed them, and you skated to nearly all your classes. The school's cold granite floors were just begging to be skated across, you had thought, and it was ten times faster than walking.

You thought about your skates, you missed them more than you thought you would. The white boots with slick, black wheels and rainbow laces were one of your most prized possessions. You wondered now, again, if you would have gotten in trouble for bringing your roller skates to school.

“Oh, alright, I’ve thought of something,” you began, and Hermione sat up a little, resting on her elbows.

“I really like to roller skate,” you said proudly.

“Roller skate?” Hermione and Ron repeated at the same time. Ron sounded confused, but Hermione sounded entertained.

“Yeah.”

“Like from the 80′s?” Hermione asked, still sounding entertained.

“They’re making a comeback,” you defended.

“What’s roller skate?” Ron asked, looking between you and Hermione.

“It’s like shoes with wheels on them,” Hermione said, used to having to explain muggle inventions her friend, “You tie them up and you skate around.”

“What do you do that for? Do they go really fast?” Ron asked.

“They can,” you said, “but it’s really just for fun. I used to take them with me to Ilvermorny and go to my classes on them, but I didn't know if Hogwarts allowed them.”

“Why wouldn’t they?” Ron asked, “Are they dangerous?”

“They're not dangerous, I suppose you could fall on them, but it’s not as bad as that Quidditch game you guys play,” you explained, “I just didn’t know if Hogwarts allowed those kinds of muggle things.”

Ron and Hermione nodded, and Hermione looked to be in deep thought.

“I’m sure they would,” she said, returning back to her book.

“What do you reckon they’re doing down there?” Fred asked, looming over George’s shoulder as he held the Marauder’s Map in his hands.

“Do you think Ron’s finally gonna get a girlfriend?” George teased, looking at you and Ron sitting together under the tree.

Fred sneered at his brother. Ever since he had told George he thought you were cute, it seemed George wanted to push his buttons any way he could. He would make jokes about you and Ron flirting, and for some reason it made his blood boil. He hadn’t even spoken to you on more instances than he could count on a hand, but he was enticed by you.

Your eyes were always moving, and they were always wide with excitement. He thought you were beautiful, you were always wearing your muggle clothes when you didn’t have to wear your uniform. You dressed kind of like his mum, he realized one day, but in a cooler way. That’s the word, cool, he thought you were cool. You fit in easily with Ron’s friends, you could talk about anything, and you were always so sweet.

“Where are they going now?” George wondered out loud, watching the names on the map begin to move.

You got up and dusted off your pants, feeling the baggy jean material under your fingers. You helped Ron up, offering him a hand and pulling him off the ground. You, Ron, and Hermione trailed after Harry and Sarah, who trailed after Neville and Luna. You had all been feeling a bit warm outside, so you decided to go to the Gryffindor common room for the rest of the afternoon. You and Sarah were always excited to go to the Gryffindor common room, feeling it was a nice change from yours in the basement.

Fred’s eyes watched as you, Ron, and Hermione walked together towards the Gryffindor common room. He suddenly felt nervous, even though he was up in his dorm with George. He stood, and looked at himself in the mirror. He pulled down at the bottom of his shirt, tugging uncomfortably at the way it clung to his arms. He hadn’t been dressed to impress, and he usually didn’t, but at the sight of your name getting closer to his on the map, he ignored George’s torments and changed into nicer pants and a more flattering shirt.

Harry stepped passed Neville, who had forgotten the password, and held open the portrait for everyone as they stepped through. You, Sarah, Luna, and Hermione occupied the biggest couch in front of the fire, and Neville and Ron took the armchairs on either side of you. Harry sat on the floor in between Ron’s chair and where Sarah had sunk into the corner of the couch.

Sarah beamed at you, taking notice of the small action, and you wiggled your eyebrows back at her. She blushed and leaned over the side of the couch, resting her chin in her hand and starting a conversation with Harry.

Hermione pulled her book from her bag again, reading the pages eagerly. You and Luna sat shoulder to shoulder as Luna began to tell you about her plans for the summer.

“I think I’ll try to learn French,” she said, toying with some sunglasses she pulled from her pocket.

“You’re going to learn French?” you repeated, a smile pulling up your lips.

“I think so, might also help my dad with his plums,” Luna said, turning to you as she slipped on the sunglasses. They overcame her face, entirely oversized and wonderful. They were bright green and had purple lenses that were reflective. You could see your wide and amused smile in them.

“Your father grows plums?” you inquired, always enjoying conversation with Luna.

“Yes, they’re Dirigible Plums.”

“What are those?”

Luna pulled her hair back and showed you a pair of earrings she wore. They looked like little orange balloons, but leaves hung from them.

“Oh, those are very pretty, Luna,” you said, admiring them.

“My dad says they make you wiser,” she explained, “so he grows them in his garden.”

“And you wear them as earrings,” you said, smiling at her.

“Yes,” she nodded and gave you a crooked grin.

“What are your plans for the summer?” Luna asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. My father will be working, so I’ll probably be home all day,” you said, feeling a little lonely already, “I’ll have my roller skates though.”

Luna looked at you, confused, but you were more talking to Ron anyways, who you noticed was listening to your conversation.

“You should come to the Burrow this summer! Everyone does, even for just for a week,” Ron said, standing and moving over to sit on the coffee table in front of you.

“That sounds cool, I’d love to,” you said, grinning at Ron.

You looked around you and felt so lucky, lucky to have found such kind and accepting people at your new school.

Pacing upstairs, Fred smoothed down his hair before ruffling it again and then smoothing it. He knew you were downstairs, and he knew he wanted to talk to you, but you just made him so nervous. He never gets nervous.

George sat with his elbows on his knees, eyebrows raised, watching his brother obviously losing his mind.

“Just go down and talk to her,” he said, a little afraid his brother might explode, “you’re gonna wear a hole in the ground.”

Fred stopped where he stood, near the door. He sighed heavily and nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, swallowing hard, “I’ll just go talk to her.”

Fred recalled the day he had formally met you at the Three Broomsticks. He was smooth, able to mask the way your curious gaze had made his stomach flutter. He couldn’t very well go down there and make a fool of himself, could he?

“Oi Fred!” he heard Lee call from where he stood near Harry, which was also near you, “Come over here a minute.”

Fred sauntered over, forcing himself not to stare at you.

Hermione had put down her book, and Luna had left to go to her own common room to do some homework. You and Hermione sat cross-legged facing each other, playing a muggle card game.

“Yeah?” he asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets and leaning against the banister of the fireplace.

Harry and Lee sat at two wooden chairs near the fireplace, only a few feet away from the couch you were on. This angle allowed him to watch you as your head threw back in laughter as Hermione scowled at her losing the game. His eyes easily flickered back to Lee, who pulled him into the conversation he and Harry were having about Quidditch.

Ginny walked through the portrait hole, returning from some Quidditch training she had been doing. Ginny was taking Quidditch very seriously this year and had taken to exercising on the pitch with Angelina every weekend.

“Ginny!” Ron called out to her, putting down the newspaper he was reading. He waved her over with a hurried hand.

“What?” she said, plopping down on the empty space next to Hermione, “What game are you guys playing?”

You looked up from the deck of cards you had begun to shuffle as Hermione told her.

“Ginny,” Ron said again, pulling his sister’s attention back to him.

“Hm?” she said, and it was very obvious she was tired from her day's activities.

“Have you asked anyone over for the summer yet?” Ron asked, and his eyes flicked to you, “I just invited Y/n, so I don’t want it getting too crowded.”

Ginny looked over to you, her gaze becoming analytical. You raised a hand to wave and cast her a kind smile, and she returned it.

“I don’t have anything planned, it should be fine,” Ginny turned away from Ron and back towards you and Hermione, “When are you lot coming? At the same time?”

You looked towards Hermione, not knowing the answer.

“Oh, I didn’t have any specific ideas yet, Ron’s just asked me. Still have to write to my dad,” you said, and Hermione nodded.

“Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be the usual time for me, though,” Hermione said, and Ginny smiled.

“What’s the usual time?” you asked, beginning to deal the cards to you and Hermione.

“A few weeks before school starts, Mrs. Weasley takes us all to Diagon Alley for our school things,” Hermione said, speaking fondly of the memory.

“Should I ask my dad to come then, when Hermione does?” you looked towards Ron, “Unless I should come at a different time,” you said, not trying to intrude.

“That would be perfect! Harry comes ‘round that time too, so we’ll all see each other,” Ron said.

He looked over at Harry, and upon seeing his brother, he called Fred over the way he had done to Ginny.

“Fred, have you invited anyone home for summer yet?”

Fred’s gaze immediately went to you, and he found you looking at him too.

“Yeah,” he said, pushing himself off the wall and over to Ron.

“Who?” Ron said, curious because his brothers usually didn’t have people over to the Burrow during holidays.

“George,” he said, smirking.

“Git,” Ron mumbled under his breath.

“Why do you ask, Ickle Ronniekins?”

“I just wanted to make sure it wouldn’t get too crowded when Hermione, Harry, and Y/n come ‘round,” Ron said, squirming as Fred forced himself into Ron’s seat that was only big enough for one of them.

Fred’s cool demeanor dropped for a moment, his eyes widening. He quickly recovered, wrapping an arm around Ron.

“How considerate of you,” he said, giving his brother an unwanted side hug.

Ron got up from his seat, leaving Fred to sit by himself. He watched you with unblinking eyes as you listened to Ginny talk about her time with Angelina on the pitch.

Looking down at your packed to the brim suitcase, you glance to the corner of your room. Your pristine roller skates sat there, one on their side. They looked sad and forgotten, but you knew that wasn’t true. Ever since you had gotten home from Hogwarts, you had taken to skating around ‘muggle’ London. You had also just gotten used to saying ‘muggle’.

Your father left early and got home late, and part of you was jealous that he got to see a Weasley every day and you didn’t. To ease your envy, you took to your skates.

You weren’t sure if you should pack them with you for Ron’s house. You were leaving when your father got home for work, the two of you setting off just before dark. You shoved a sweater deeper into your bag, making room for the skates.

Your father was to eat dinner with the Weasleys, sleep on the couch, and set off with Mr. Weasley for work in the morning. No point in two trips, they figured.

You were traveling by Flu powder, and your father went first. He heaved your bag into the fireplace with him and erupted in green flames. You carried a backpack on your shoulder, filled with little things that couldn’t fit in your suitcase.

Fred was more nervous and excited than he had ever felt in his whole life. He was determined to chat you up this summer, at least do something to make sure you knew he existed. He had been pacing in he and George’s shared room, but George pulled him down to the kitchen and made him drink some tea, hoping to calm him down.

You twisted your fingers, looking nervously into the fireplace. You were extremely excited to spend the remaining weeks of your summer with the Weasleys, but a small part of you was scared. You were nervous that Ron’s parents wouldn’t like you as much as they did at the train station. You were nervous that Ron, and his siblings, would get sick of having you around. You were nervous that you would become a burden.

You had been writing with Hermione, and she ensured you of how kind the Weasleys were. She told you that you had nothing to worry about, and you felt a little relieved.

You had visited Sarah a couple of times during the summer. She lived fairly close, close enough for you to take muggle transportation. Her family was welcoming and all had wide eyes at your accent. Thinking of their kindness, you felt confident enough to finally step into the fireplace.

Green flames surrounded you, and within seconds, you were stood in a different fireplace. It was a little shorter, and you were glad you had hunched over a little. Mr. Weasley and your father were shaking hands off to the side, over by a large couch. Mrs. Weasley was looking into the fireplace and waving you out. Ron was trudging your suitcase upstairs already, and Hermione and Ginny stood by Mrs. Weasley smiling widely. You noticed Fred and George sat at a large wooden table near the kitchen both drinking some tea and eating.

You took a step from the fireplace, making sure to wipe off any ash that may have stained your clothes, and allowed Mrs. Weasley to pull you into a hug.

“Oh, so good to see you again, dear!” she said, rocking you back and forth in the suffocating hug.

You didn’t care if you couldn’t breathe, you decided at that moment that Molly Weasley gave the absolute best hugs. She released you, patting your shoulders and running a loving hand through your hair, tucking it behind your ear. You beamed at her, and she smiled back at you.

When she moved away, Hermione quickly replaced her. Hermione’s arms pulled you close, wrapping around your backpack.

“I missed you!” she said, smiling at you.

“I missed you too!” you said, nearly ‘awing’ at everyone’s kindness.

Ginny hugged you too, and when you stepped away, Ron had come back downstairs. You hugged him, and then Harry, and finally you were left to be able to breathe your own air.

The house around you was adorable. It was better than you could have ever imagined. Magic was everywhere, and everything just felt like home.

“You’ll be staying with me and Ginny,” Hermione said to you from her spot next to you at the table.

“Perfect,” you replied, the same awestruck smile plastered on your face since you had arrived.

Fred looked at you from across the table. He felt like his dinner was moving in his stomach, and his hands were sweating. He’d nearly dropped his fork three times. He breathed deep, and when the conversation lulled, he took his chance.

“How has your summer been, Y/n?” he asked, and you looked up from your plate to him.

He nearly died, your happy eyes looking at him.

“Great!” you said, wiping your hands on your napkin in your lap, “I’m glad to finally be here.”

He smiled back at you, and it took him a moment to realize he’d been staring for a little too long, and that you had asked him a question.

“My summer? Oh, my summer’s been good too,” he replied, nodding.

You looked to George, who was next to him and raised your eyebrows, inviting his answer.

“It’s been good,” he said casually, and then an evil grin spread across his face, “but I think Fred’s just about worn my ear off talking about you.”

Fred coughed, choking on his mashed potatoes. His face went red, and he looked at his twin with an anger George had never seen before. Fred quickly looked back at you, as if to gauge your reaction. Your head was tilted down, but a shy smile was on your face and a blush crept on your cheeks.

Fred’s anger subsided at the sight of it, but when George kicked him from under the table, he was reminded.

“What is wrong with you?” Fred asked, nearly yelling at his brother in the privacy of their own room.

“I gave you a push,” George answered, not looking up from the Zonko’s catalog in his hands.

Fred simmered, coming to the realization that George was right. He fell onto his bed, thinking back to the pink on your cheeks and the bashful curl of your lips.

He didn’t know how he was meant to sleep, painfully aware of the fact that you were asleep just a room away.

“Did you hear what George said to Y/n at dinner?” Hermione asked, pulling Ginny into the argument you were having once she got out of the shower.

Ginny shook her head, removing the towel from her hair, “No, what’d he say?”

You rolled your eyes at Hermione as she divulged into every little detail of what George had said.

“And Fred could not stop staring!” she finished, and you let out an exaggerated breath.

“He was not staring!”

“Yes, he was,” Ginny said cheekily, sitting down on her bed.

“Ginny!” you said, giving up hope of having her on your side.

“He totally fancies you,” Hermione said.

Your face twisted for two reasons: the word ‘fancies’, and the fact that she thought Fred Weasley might fancy you.

“He does not!”

Ginny sat on her bed, listening to you and Hermione go back and forth. She knew Fred fancied you, he had since they had been at school. She saw his longing looks, the way he looked at you first after he told a joke, and the pure admiration he had in his eyes any time he looked at you. It especially convinced her when Fred had been talking about you all summer. She came to a decision.

“He does,” she said, watching Hermione’s face change into the proud one she wore when she answered a question right in class. Your mouth hung open.

“What?” Hermione’s gaze turned towards you, and she smiled widely. You liked to think it was her infectious smile that made your mouth turn up, and not the idea of Fred liking you.

“He has been talking about you all summer, I’m surprised Ron didn’t tell you earlier,” Ginny said, bringing the towel to her hair again to catch some dripping water.

“He probably hasn’t even noticed,” Hermione said, the tone of annoyance dripping off her tongue.

Ginny flashed her a sympathetic look, but Hermione ignored it, continuing.

“Do you like him?” she pried, and the whole room felt like it was frozen.

They both looked at you expectantly, waiting for your answer.

You didn’t know. Fred was handsome, and funny, and clever, but you hardly knew him. You knew he was mischievous, and that he tormented Ron, but other than that you might as well have been strangers. You could not deny, however, that he was attractive.

“I don’t know,” you said, honestly.

“You don’t know?” Ginny repeated, confused.

“Yeah, I mean, I barely know him,” you answered, the obvious energy in the room shifting to something of deep thought.

“Do you fancy him, though?” Hermione asked, her eyebrows raised.

“I think he’s cute, yeah, but how can he fancy me? We’ve barely spoken to each other. Are you sure Ginny?” you asked again, still doubtful.

“I’m sure he’s noticed the little things more than you think he would, Fred can be pretty considerate when he wants to be,” Ginny said, and you breathed out loudly. You flopped on your back, the mound of blankets around you and Hermione soothing your landing.

“See? I wouldn’t know that!” you said.

You knew it was a little silly, to focus on something like this. You had an older, attractive, popular boy head over heels for you, but you were harping on the fact that you didn’t know whether or not he was considerate.

“You’re being ridiculous,” Hermione said harshly, “I mean it’s not like you’re forced to marry him. You go on dates with people to get to know them, after all.”

You were nearly offended by Hermione’s tone, but you figured she was just getting irritated on the subject of crushes.

“I know, ‘Mione, I’m just confused by it,” you reassured her.

“Well, test the waters tomorrow,” Ginny said suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows.

You cringed away from her, and swells of giggles were coming from Ginny’s room nearly all night.

The three of you slept late into the morning. The Burrow’s eventful noises were nothing compared to the sounds of muggle London, so you slept peacefully. It wasn’t until something began tapping on Ginny’s window, did the three of you wake up.

“What the-?” Ginny started but soon fell silent at the sound of a loud crashing noise. Shards of glass scattered around the room and Hermione was lucky that she had rolled away from the window in her sleep. You put your hand up, flinching at the noise, and when you dropped it, the warm summer air flooded into the room.

A small golden snitch was soaring around the room, averting every swipe of Ginny’s hands, and ducking behind her dresser.

Ginny slipped on some shoes, and carefully navigated through the glass. She leaned cautiously out of the window, and that's when the screaming started.

“Harry! Are you mental?! What on Earth-” her screams divulged into threats and insults, and you looked over her shoulder, watching Harry hover many feet away on his broom, his face looking quite guilty.

You found your shoes and moved over to the window. You then realized that Fred and George were hovering closer to Ginny’s window, silencing the snickers and amazed faces they wore. At the sight of Fred, your eyes widened, and his eyes met yours. He smiled kindly at you, and before you knew what you were doing, you ducked behind the window, crouching by Ginny’s feet.

You heard George’s laughter, and Ginny’s ramblings stilled.

“What are you doing on the floor?” she asked you, lowering herself to crouch with you.

“I don’t know,” you answered, whispering. Your cheeks were red and your eyes were wide. Ginny’s threatening look turned into a smile.

She began to giggle, and soon enough, Fred and George hovered just above the window, peering into Ginny’s room.

“What are you girls doing down there?” George asked, resting a hand on the part of the windowsill with no glass on it, peering into the room.

Ginny looked at you, her smile wide. You looked around and began to pick up large shards of glass.

“Cleaning up the glass,” you said casually, although you could still feel the distinct burn of blush on your cheeks.

You could only safely pick up two large shards of glass without cutting your hands, so you raised yourself from the ground, meeting Fred and George’s eyes. Ginny followed you, crossing her arms and smirking.

The boys wore their practice robes, their names and numbers on the backs. They both had discarded goggles hanging from their necks, and their hair was wild. You looked between the both of them, swallowing thickly.

“Could you keep it down?” Ginny finally said, trying to ease the situation, “We’re trying to sleep.”

George removed a hand from his broom and glanced at his watch, “It’s nearly 12 in the afternoon,” he said sarcastically.

“Really? Well, we need our beauty sleep,” Ginny said, and you noticed she nearly reached out to close the window.

George rolled his eyes and zipped away on his broom, leaving Fred.

“I’m gonna go get a broom, clean this up,” Ginny said, huffing as she navigated her way back through the glass on the floor.

You and Fred were left there, staring at anything but each other. Fred moved slightly up and down on his broom as he hovered. He finally cleared his throat and looked at you.

“Sleep well?” he asked, eyebrows raised.

You nodded and smiled, rocking back and forth on your feet, “You?”

He nodded too and looked away quickly.

“Oh, I think George, is calling me,” he said, and it was obvious George was not calling him. He flew away on his broom, and you closed your eyes, letting out a restrained breath.

You groaned and threw yourself on Ginny’s bed. Hermione rolled over, a large and entertained grin on her face. You covered your face with a pillow and ignored Ginny and Hermione’s imitations of the incident while they swept up the glass.

Mrs. Weasley was furious to see Ginny’s window. She had come in later in the day, a basket full of laundry on her hip.

“Hello girls,” she said pleasantly, “Do you have- what the bloody hell is that?”

Ginny’s eyes widened at the sound of her mother’s deep and serious tone.

“Mum! It wasn’t us,” Ginny leaped from her bed and ran to her dresser, she quickly caught the snitch from where it had been hiding behind her dresser, “It came through the window this morning when the boys were playing.”

Mrs. Weasley looked at you and Hermione, and you both nodded your heads furiously. She huffed out a breath and pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers.

Finally looking up, she set the laundry down and stood in Ginny’s doorway.

“BOYS!” she shouted, and you heard the sudden halting of George and Fred’s laughter, and Harry and Ron’s footsteps upstairs silenced.

The sound of four hesitant feet walking to Ginny’s room was the last thing you heard before Mrs. Weasley’s screams burst your eardrums.

The Burrow was crowded now that the boys had been banned from leaving the house. They had only briefly been allowed out of the house to de-gnome the garden, but Mrs. Weasley stood at the door, making sure they had absolutely no fun.

Your suitcase lay open in Ginny’s room, the three of you dressed and having absolutely no ideas as to what to do. You had all already ran through your spending money going to Diagon Alley on your first days there, and without the boys offering some entertainment, the three of you were idle.

Ginny paced, looking through her own things with interest. She twisted her broom in her hands, offering the idea of Quidditch, but Hermione wasn’t interested. Ginny was scanning her room, and her eyes fell on your bag. A pair of white shoes with wheels on them lay tucked away in the bag. She walked over to them and pulled them out hesitantly.

“What the bloody hell are those?” George said from the doorway.

The three of you girls turned, looking to the door. The four boys crowded in the hall, all peering into the room with interest. It seemed they were bored too.

“Are those the roll skates?” Ron asked, mispronouncing the word and shoving past George and taking the roller skate from Ginny.

“Yeah,” you said, your eyes flicking up over the top of your magazine.

The rest of the boys filed into the tiny room, nearly all of them shoulder to shoulder. Hermione rose from her spot next to you, picking up the other one from your bag.

“I remember seeing commercials for these things when I was a kid,” Hermione said, spinning the wheel in her hand.

“Commercials? What are you on about?” Ron said, and Harry caught your baffled look and smiled.

“What are they?” Fred asked, taking Hermione’s seat next to you on Ginny’s bed.

You lowered your magazine and looked at him, only to find him already looking at you. He gave you a crooked smile and nodded in greeting. You successfully fought a blush and smiled back at him.

“They’re roller skates. They’re like shoes with wheels,” you explained, taking the skate from Ron.

You rolled up your jeans a little and slipped on the skate. Fred watched your delicate fingers lacing up the shoe, noticing the way your hair fell into your face as you looked down at them.

Hermione handed you the other one, and you did the same to the other foot. You stood easily from the bed and nearly lost your balance. It was lucky that Fred’s strong shoulder was there for your hand to clasp onto, or else your feet would have slipped from under you.

You looked down at your hand still on Fred’s shoulder, even though you were standing fine. He slipped your hand off but kept it in his hand. You then became aware that you were just holding hands at this point. He stood with you and turned to face you. He pulled your other hand into his, and pushed you away from him, smiling widely as you rolled easily on the hardwood floors.

Everyone knew then that they had found their entertainment for the day.

The sound of joyful laughter flooded your ears as Fred pulled you around the limited space in Ginny’s room. Your hands fit together perfectly, and he walked backward as he pulled you, keeping his smiling eyes on you the whole time. Soon he was pulling you into the hallway, and everyone trailed after. You felt Ginny’s small hands pushing your back, and you began to gain speed. Fred hadn’t caught up, and you were coming closer and closer to him. You looked down but didn’t want to put your toes down to brake, in fear of scuffing up the floor. So, you let yourself fall into Fred’s arms.

The two of you stayed upright, but his long arms were wrapped around your waist. Your hands fell to his chest, and his chin pressed against his neck as he looked down at you. His hair fell into his eyes, and yours fell gracefully in its natural place. You smiled, and he smiled, and soon you erupted into giggles at the silence behind you. George catcalled, and you stuffed your giggles into Fred’s chest, tucking your head under his chin. You felt him take a sharp inhale, and his arms became a little tighter around you.

When Mr. Weasley got home, he was accosted by his children.

“Dad!” They said in unison, all waiting for him by the door.

He jumped at the sight of them all, then began taking off his coat.

“Look at these!” Ginny said, pointing to your feet.

You did a little spin, careful not to make any marks on the floor. Fred watched you spin elegantly, your arms coming out a little like a ballerina.

“Remarkable!” Mr. Wealsey cried, moving to look at them.

Questions came from his mouth faster then you could answer them, and you slid the wheels against the floor under the table while you ate dinner.

“We had an idea, Dad,” Fred said, looking at you proudly.

“Yeah, think you’ll like it,” George added, glancing at you with a smirk and then looking back at his dad.

“We need you to conjure some sort of track outside,” Ron finished, talking with his mouth full.

“A track! That’s brilliant!” Mr. Weasley exclaimed, missing the worried look from his wife.

“It was Y/n’s idea, she’s brilliant,” Fred said, looking across the table at you.

You giggled as George made a gagging noise.

“With what? Stone?” Mrs. Weasley inquired, placing a hand on her hip.

“Oh no, they’re usually made of wood or asphalt,” you explained, “they have a whole building of them in the muggle world. People rent the skates and pay to skate on a big rink.”

Mr. Weasley's eyes widened with excitement, and Mrs. Weasley’s worry tamed.

“Let’s do it tonight.”

The eight of you walked to a clearing on the side of the house. It was where the boys usually played Quidditch, but it hadn’t been in use for days. Mrs. Weasley hadn’t stopped the boys from helping with the track, and you were grateful.

“Hold it higher, Ron!” Mr. Weasley called out, and Ron raised his father's wand with a bright orb of light coming from it.

The track was nearly done. It was huge, a large hoop secured to the ground. There was an enchanted orb of light in the center of the circle, and it illuminated the entire rink.

Your friends watched you blaze around the track, your hair whipping around behind your face, the sides of your cardigan flapping in the wind. You heard loud cheers when you successfully began skating backward.

The rest of your trip to The Burrow was spent out there. The boys were lifted from their punishments, and the rink became the one place you all went to when you woke up, and the last place you were before bed. Soon enough, though, your father appeared in the fireplace with your school trunk by his side. He quickly took back the bag you had been keeping at the Weasley's, and you went through your trunk one last time, making sure you had everything.

This year, walking through the train station, you were still stared at. But you didn’t care because an entire family surrounding you, and they all looked like you.

Your father gave you a lasting embrace before Fred followed you onto the train. He had waited for you, watching as you hugged your dad. He waved to your father, and his hand grazed your lower back as he walked behind you. The two of you found the compartment that had to be the most crowded of the lot.

Lee, Luna, Neville, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Sarah, George, and now you and Fred, packed into a compartment, the entire room filled with busy conversation the entire ride.

It was weird to be in the Hufflepuff common room, your bedroom devoid of Ginny’s huffs as she rolled over to get comfortable, or Hermione’s anxious mumbles she said in her sleep. You pulled your blankets off of you, your legs feeling sore from the constant skating you had been doing for weeks.

Speaking of, you had made the decision to bring your skates to Hogwarts. You slipped them on, tightening the rainbow laces. You pointed your wand at the wheels and cast a silencing charm, so the turn of the wheels would be silent.

You carefully climbed the stairs from the Hufflepuff basement and looked both ways before you skated towards your destination.

Fred had been sitting under his covers, looking over the map as he usually did before he snuck to the kitchens. Out of habit, he looked at the Hufflepuff common room for your familiar name. He was shocked to see you across the castle, in a long-abandoned classroom. He suddenly lost his appetite and slid into some slippers.

He rested his forearm in the crook of the door, leaning against it. He watched you illuminated by the candles lit on the wall. You easily glided between the desks, twisting and turning, spinning, and navigating between them. His eyes followed you, your body moving naturally. He watched the sway of your hips as your wait transferred from foot to foot, the skates rolling against the smooth stone. You moved to the open space in the room, skating backward, your back to him. You turned just a few feet in front of him, and when you saw Fred, your surprise ran through your body. Your feet faltered and you bumped into a desk, making a loud crash.

He jumped from his spot in the doorway, closing the door behind him. He moved to you in two long strides, crouching to reach you on the floor.

“Are you alright?”

“You scared the shit out of me, Fred!” you said, smiling up at him.

“Couldn’t help it, I had to come see you,” he said smoothly, bringing the map from his back pocket.

“What? How did you know I was here?”

He unfolded a piece of paper and held it out to you. You took it in your hands and realized what it was. Before you could look at it for long, Fred took it back, a worried expression on his face.

“Filch is coming, he must have heard the noise,” Fred folded the map and put it back in his pocket.

Suddenly, his hands were on your waist, and he was guiding you to your feet. He looked around the room and saw the door to the supply closet.

With a wave of his wand, the flames of the candles were extinguished and he was pulling your gliding figure to the closet. The door closed just in time, and Filch burst in. You and Fred were pressed together, his hands still on your waist. You opened your mouth to ask him about the map, and one of his hands covered your mouth. He felt your soft lips, and his eyes locked onto yours. You heard Filch’s heavy feet stomping around the room and the screech of the desk against the floor.

Your mind was occupied by the lack of space between you, your back pressed to the door, and Fred’s warm hand on your face. He looked deeply at you, and his face was inches from yours.

You thought back to the day Ginny told you about how Fred felt, and you realized that you no longer had any hesitations about Fred. Standing this close to him, his leg slid between yours, his chest against yours, you felt what he felt. You fancied Fred.

Fred felt your lips curl into a smile beneath his hand. It was dark, so he couldn’t see your face, but he wished more than anything that he could. He heard the door close, and Filch was gone, but neither of you moved. Fred’s hand retracted from your mouth, moving to your neck. His fingers slipped under your hair, and his thumb rested in your jaw.

“Why did you come here?” you whispered.

“I like to watch you skate,” he answered, his voice devoid of any laughter.

“You’ve watched me skate for weeks,” you said quickly, inching your face closer to his, craning your neck to look up at him.

“I like to watch you,” he said without thinking, “I like you.”

You closed the space between you two. His lips were slow, and so were yours. You arched your back against the door, anything to get closer to him. His face was warm, and yours was cold. His lips pressed hard against yours, and the kiss held everything he had felt since he talked to you in the Three Broomsticks. It was all the nights he had ranted to George about you, all the times he had mentioned what little time it was until you’d finally be at The Burrow, all the times he looked at the map just to see your name, all the times his stomach had flipped just at the thought of you.

You pulled away, breathless, and he lowered his head to rest on your shoulder. His breathing was heavy, and your eyes had fluttered closed. He reached for his wand and said “Lumos,” just so he could see your pretty face and swollen lips.

He walked you back to the basement, and you shared another slow kiss. He had almost followed you down the stairs, watching you leave with your skates hanging from around your neck.

The next morning in the courtyard, Ginny was the first to notice.

“What happened?” she said, skeptical of your dazed face and the constant flush you had from just being near Fred.

He sat a few feet away in his own world, avoiding George and Lee’s conversation about the upcoming Hogsmeade trip.

You smiled at Ginny, and she furrowed her brows at you. You were about to tell her, but Ron fell with a thud onto the ground next to you.

“It’s been three bloody weeks and Snape’s already assigned 100 pages of reading,” Ron groaned, pulling a heavy textbook from under his arm. Hermione and Harry trailed behind him, sitting with much more grace than Ron had.

Hermione also noticed your at peace look and looked at you analytically.

You were finally able to tell them in the hall, during an extended period between classes.

“He kissed me last night,” you said with a blush.

“I told you!”

“Finally!”

You hushed them, a bashful smile coming to your lips. Fred passed the three of you, his eyes locked on yours as he walked. Over his shoulder, he sent you a flirty wink. You felt weak at the knees and was glad that you were leaning against a wall.

“Maybe he’ll ask you to Hogsmeade,” Hermione said, tugging you off the wall and in the opposite way Fred was walking. You looked over your shoulder to see him walking backward, watching you walk away.

“Knowing Fred, he’ll probably pull some elaborate prank or get fireworks to spell your name out,” Ginny said, watching you look at her brother.

Fred did something like that, the two of you in the courtyard, laying in the grass. He had pulled you from dinner just after you were dismissed, and he led you to the courtyard. You both stared at the sky, and he looked at you. You met his gaze and then he pointed at the sky.

In huge, shining, red words read “Y/n, Hogsmeade this weekend?”.

You smiled at him and nodded. His hand snaked to cup your cheek still laying down. He pulled you towards him, and you moved to look down at him, propped up on your elbow. His lips met yours, and the sound of more bursting fireworks flooded the air around you.

It was nearly Christmas now. You and Fred have been dating for a few weeks, and he invited you back to the Burrow for the holidays.

You accepted, and you trudged your heavy bag into the fireplace. It was filled with gifts for the Weasley’s, and you were feeling quite confident about it.

Ron, Harry, and Hermione stayed at school for the holidays, leaving you, George, Fred, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley sat in front of a fire on Christmas eve.

You had called your father on your flip phone he had given you as an early Christmas present. He was coming over tomorrow for Christmas morning, and you felt incredibly content.

Coming back to the couch, tucking your phone into your pocket, you slipped back under Fred’s arm, curling into his side. Mr. Wealsey had already had a go at the device, and he just watched amazed at it fitting into your pocket so easily.

The next morning you were woken up by the sound of your father’s booming voice downstairs. You sat up, stretching, and looked over to Ginny’s bed. It was empty, the covers were thrown aside. You slipped on a large cardigan, pulling it around your cold arms and going downstairs.

You were met with what felt like a dream. All the Weasley’s sat around the table, eating a huge Christmas breakfast and drinking tea. They each wore matching sweaters with their initials on them, and your father was standing with Mr. Weasley by the couch.

“Happy Christmas!” they all beamed at you.

Ginny tugged you over to the couch, sitting on one side of you while Fred sat on the other. Your father stood behind you on the couch, and a pile of presents were stacked in the room. You had brought your presents for the Weasley’s down last night, and you saw them on the ground.

Wrapping paper was everywhere, and the sound of happiness flooded the room. It finally came time for everyone to open what you had gotten them, and Fred went first. He tore away the red paper and held the plain box in his hands. He shook it, holding it up to his ear and smiling at you.

“Careful!” you told him, and he tore away the tape holding the box shut.

Inside, a brand new pair of garnet roller skates. He gasped, his large hands holding a skate up.

“Oh, my-” Mrs. Weasley said, already thinking of the awful thing he and George could do with those.

“It’s amazing!” he exclaimed, wrapping his arms around you.

You returned the hug, and whispered in his ear, “Merry Christmas, Fred.”

Soon, all the Weasley’s were holding different colored skates, even Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.

#fred weasley #fred #weasley #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley request #fred weasley fic #fred weasley fanfiction #fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter #hogwarts #hufflepuff #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley x you

726 notes · View notes

mrsalwayswrite · 4 years ago

Text

To Call Forth Love - Chapter 10

I’m sorry its taken me so long to update. I haven't had much time to write lately due to....well, life. But here we are and its long, so hopefully that makes up for the length.

Side note- the Norwegian used is from Google translate so....

Warnings: swearing, mild sexual content, Lothbrok family dynamics (yes, its a warning), threats of violence

Words: 15,700 (yep, my longest chapter yet. I packed ALOT into this beast)

Tag List: @youbloodymadgenius @evelynshelby @pomegranates-and-blood @heavenly1927 @zuxiezendler @punkrocknpearls @love-all-things-writing @southernbe @ecarroll1978 @breezykpop @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie

Series Masterlist

"Where are we going? I thought we were going to your flat?"

Gyda slyly smiled at Kari, sitting in the passenger seat of her bright yellow Porsche. "Change of plans."

��Kari stared at her friend. "I'm scared to ask."

"Torvi asked for female reinforcement. So, we are going to keep her company."

"Ok…. But where is that?"

"At the brothers' house." The blonde answered nonchalantly as she made a quick right-hand turn. "It's tradition. Kind of a last family summer party before it's too cold to swim anymore. They have a pool in their backyard."

Kari felt her stomach drop. Ivar had told her he lived with his three other brothers. Gyda had her own flat while Bjorn and Torvi owned a house nearby. Whenever she tried to ask Ivar about his home, he would shrug off the question or ignore it completely. Eventually she just stopped asking. Curiosity certainly reared its head when she wondered what his home was like. For how much money meant nothing to him, she guessed it was massive and expensive. Maybe he knew she would not fit in and that was why he never brought her? Even through his speeches of wanting her to be his girlfriend, he knew she would not fit into his lifestyle. Why else would he keep her away? It was a valid truth that she had come to terms with. Even if she found herself secretly desperate to ease into his life, she never would.

"Of course, they do…." Kari rolled her eyes at the notion that obviously, there was a pool in their backyard. It fit the stereotype in her mind. Then she thought about what Gyda just said. "Wait. Do you have a swimsuit with you?"

Gyda raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow at her while keeping her eyes on the road. "Don't worry, I've got you covered. Torvi brought an extra of hers for you."

"You had this planned, didn't you? We never were going to your flat, were we?"

"I don't kiss and tell."

"Yes, you do. There was that guy you hooked up with two weeks ago that kept sending you dick pics after."

"That guy was way too proud of his dick. I mean it wasn't even that big."

"I don't want to hear this again." Kari groaned, tugging on her diamond earring. She enjoyed Gyda but she had learned far more about the woman's sex life than she had any desire to know.

"Okay, fine. And yes, Torvi and I planned this. Ivar doesn't know you're coming."

"Why?"

Gyda smirked. "Because he's been so secretive and only Hvitserk has seen you two together. Besides, the rest of the brothers want to meet you. We may be at each other's throats most of the time but we do care for one another."

The brunette let her friend's words sink in. Hvitserk had mentioned the others wanting to meet her, but she had not fully believed it. Sure, she wanted to meet them and was curious after hearing Ivar talk about them, but why would they be interested in her? She glanced down at her clothes, the capri leggings and tank top that were practically a signature look for her. For once, she wished she dressed nicer regularly. "I wish you had said something before."

"You wouldn't have come then. You'd have created some excuse why you couldn't come." Gyda pointed out the obviously painful truth without remorse.

Kari slouched in the passenger seat, butterflies doing somersaults in her belly. Slowly, she pulled her ponytail down, letting her hair hang loose past her shoulders, running her hand through it absent-mindedly in hopes it looked decent.

At a red light, Gyda looked over at her with a bright smile. "It'll be fun."

"I don't know…. isn’t it supposed to be just family?"

"Ubbe sometimes brings his girlfriend but yeah, it's usually just family."

There was another long silence before Kari spoke again, unable to fully conceal her nerves. "You should drop me off and just go. I don't want to intrude."

"You're not. I'm bringing you because there is always way too much testosterone." Gyda groaned, then reached over and swatted Kari's leg. "What are you so worried about?"

"What if they don't like me?" She whispered. The weight of her confession hung over her like a dark cloud.

"What?"

She kept her gaze out the window. "The…. the others. What if they don't like me?"

Gyda laughed. "Kari, don't worry. They will love you. I promise. And if they say anything fucking stupid, I'll slap them or Ivar will stab them. See? Simple."

A smile grew on Kari's face. "That shouldn't make me feel better…. but for some reason it does." Maybe she had already spent too much time with various Lothbroks if the idea of people resorting to violence made her feel better.

"You aren't alone, if anything we'll steal Torvi and Asa away and have a girls' party."

"Asa? That's her daughter, right?"

"Right, and Hali is her son. I swear that boy is going to be a miniature version of Bjorn."

"I've never been around kids much."

Gyda chuckled, waving a hand dismissively. "They are great, Asa is a sweetie who prefers to cuddle in someone's lap. It's Hali who is a bit wild but all his uncles love to play with him. He'll probably be swimming in the pool the whole time anyway."

Still staring out the window, Kari thought about everything Gyda had said. Of course, she was still nervous about just showing up to a family event unannounced, even if she was sort of being kidnapped by Gyda. Some of her nerves faded away with the knowledge that Gyda and Torvi both wanted her there. She really would not be alone. She had friends. She had people that wanted to spend time with her. Hopefully Ivar would be pleased to see her. His potential reaction was the only real wrinkle in her fluctuating confidence.

"Okay. I can do this." She said aloud, wondering if she was trying to fully convince herself.

"Good, cause we're almost there."

Kari stared out the window as they approached a gated community. Gyda showed her ID to a guard who chatted with her like they were old friends. As the yellow Porsche drove by the houses in the community, Kari just stared in awe. She had seen houses, mansions was a better term, like these before but it always amazed her that people lived in them. What did they do with all that space? All of the homes were set back from the road so Kari only caught glimpses of them but it was enough to remind her how out of her element she was.

Finally, they pulled up a long driveway to a massive two-story house. It was white with an insane number of windows, and a huge garage attached on the left side. On the right side looked like an expansive addition that made Kari wonder why they needed more space. The roof was made of some slate gray tiles, with a balcony above the front door and ivy draping elegantly over the corners. There were various sized potted plants and shrubbery around the front of the house and leading down the sides. Several European beech trees were strategically placed in the front yard to block most of the view from the road in an attempt at privacy. Whoever the grounds keeper was, for surely they had one, needed a raise.

Kari could only gape for a long moment, unable to move as she took in the immaculate, beautiful house. To think this was where Ivar lived and he always came over to her tiny townhouse. It was a struggle to tamper down the post embarrassment.

Gyda started talking as she parked in front of the house. The only other vehicle in sight was a silver four-door Audi, that Kari recognized as Torvi's. "Aslaug chose the house for them. When she isn't traveling for work or staying at their family home in Norway, this is where she stays. So, she insisted on this place. Something about the natural sunlight and old aesthetic blending with the new vibe. Or some other shit. I can't remember."

"Huh." Kari said as she followed the blonde out of the car. She noticed there was no mention of the father, Ragnar, and wondered where he stayed but knew it was none of her business so she kept her question to herself. Maybe Ivar would explain it to her.

Gyda opened the solid, wood front door, waltzing in like she had done this a million times. Kari took two steps in and froze. The vaulted ceiling in the foyer was enough to stare at but it was the large chandelier that caused her to stare. The way it caught the afternoon light through the many windows and gently cast it about was truly gorgeous. This view was worth owning the house for itself, in her opinion.

A tugging on her arm made Kari squeak as she found herself suddenly being dragged along like a ragdoll.

"You can stare later, Torvi is waiting for us." Gyda stated, a large purse over her shoulder and her heeled boots clicking on the shiny, wood floor with each step.

Kari caught glimpses of other rooms as they passed down the long, straight hallway. A living room with a TV that took up most of the wall it was on. A kitchen that would make any celebrity chef drool. Pictures and awards displayed along the walls in the hallway that were obviously put up by their mother.

The two finally stepped out into a room with glass walls, where the pool and expansive backyard lay before them. Most likely what used to be a porch before being enclosed. Still being pulled along, Kari followed Gyda through a side door onto the stamped concrete that surrounded the pool and lounge area. A pool in a rectangle shape dominated the area, a diving board on the far end. A quick glance around showed a jacuzzi on the other side, closer to the house, the water bubbling like a cauldron. There was a large grill, several short tables and lounge chairs spread over the stamped concrete. At the far end was an adult size statue of the Buddha with two flowering pots on either side of him and some kind of cheap, plastic crown on his head.

The backyard was several acres wide and at least that many in length. Trees and large shrubs blocked the views of the neighbor's properties and made the place feel almost like a hidden oasis. Further down in a corner was a lovely gazebo with a cobbled stone path leading to it and gardens decorating the way.

"Gyda! What took you so long?!" A distinctly male voice called out.

"I had to pick up a package." She called back, pulling Kari into full view of the others.

The brunette gave a small, self-conscious smile at the many pairs of eyes that she could feel land on her. Before she could really get a good look at who was around, a shout of her name startled her.

"Kari!" Hvitserk jumped up from his lounge chair, wearing only dark green swim trunks, and walked over to her with a beaming smile.

"Hey…. OH!" She started to greet him only to be swallowed into a hug and spun in a circle. Unable to deny him, she hugged him back and laughed. It was funny since last time she saw him, he was in business attire, coming to check on her per Ivar's instructions. Now she could not help but notice his toned body. His form reminded her more of a runner, while she was used to seeing Ivar's muscular torso. A couple tattoos on Hvitserk caught her eye and she wondered if all the brothers had them.

When he finally set her back on her feet, he kept his hands on her shoulders, green eyes twinkling with a mischievous glint. "I didn't know you were coming here."

"Yeah, I didn't know either until Gyda told me on the way."

He chuckled, glancing over her head to his half-sister. "Yeah, not surprising."

"Uh huh. Watch yourself, boy. I could still beat your ass if I wanted too." Gyda quipped.

"Maybe fifteen years ago. You don't have a chance now."

"Keep telling yourself that, Hvitty." She teased, then yelled at Torvi. "You got it?"

As soon as Kari was released by Hvitserk, she could sense a pair of sharp, blue eyes boring into her. Skin prickling under the sensation, she hesitantly looked up and immediately met Ivar's intense gaze right away, as if subconsciously her mind already knew where he was without having to search for him.

Reclined back on a cushioned, lounge beach chair, he wore loose black sweatpants, instead of swim trunks, under his leg braces, but without a shirt. His tattoos were a stark contrast on his skin and shamelessly on full display. Her fingers twitched with the urge to trace them again. It was his penetrating gaze though, the lack of emotion on his handsome face, that made her wonder if being here was a bad idea.

Before she could make a run for it, Gyda grabbed her arm as if sensing her desire to flee. "C'mon, let's get changed."

With one last glance at Ivar, she followed behind Gyda and Torvi, who had joined them, back into the massive house. They headed to the kitchen and Gyda pointed out a bathroom across the way.

Placing the beach bag on the kitchen counter, Torvi dug in it for a moment before murmuring a quiet "here it is" and handed Kari something. "Here. I bought this forever ago but never wore it. Bjorn said he didn't like the colors."

Kari took it, guessing it was the promised swimsuit, and peeked down at the two pieces of clothing in her hands. "Um…. where’s the rest of it?"

Laughing, Gyda rolled her eyes. "Get in there and change or I'll do it for you."

With a concerned look between the swimsuit in her hands and the two blondes staring at her expectantly, Kari finally conceded defeat and stepped into the bathroom. It was only a half bath, with a toilet and sink, but it was still roomy and felt fancy somehow. The mirror above the sink was large and there was a small, pretty flowering plant on the counter that upon inspection, turned out to be real.

Quickly, she changed out of her leggings and tank top and into the swimsuit, figuring it was best that way, like ripping off a band-aid. Plus, if she stopped moving, her nerves would get the better of her and she would somehow find a way to sneak home. Even if she had to crawl through a window. A smile grew on her face remembering Hvitserk's enthusiasm to see her. That had honestly surprised her but she found she did not mind. Hvitserk seemed like a good guy and the little bit of time they had spent together, she felt comfortable with him. He was funny and caring.

Then Ivar's blank face came to mind and all of her excitement slipped away like water down a drain. There had been no acknowledgement, not even the hint of a smile, only a hard stare that made her anxious and self-conscious.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to remind herself what Gyda said. At least the two Lothbrok women wanted her here, and apparently Hvitserk was happy to see her. That was what she needed to focus on and not Ivar's reaction.

Once done changing, she finally took stock of what Torvi had leant her and gasped.

"Oh no. No, no, no. Hell no."

She stared down at the wide-band bikini. The top and bottom both had alternating white and light pink stripes, strangely reminding her of cotton candy. The design was certainly something she would never pick out for herself but she did not hate it. The real problem was the way half her ass cheeks hung out of the bottoms and more of her breasts saw the light of day than they ever had before. Never had she been so exposed. Even swimsuits she bought in the past were never this revealing. Her gaze immediately zeroed in on her fuller hips and thighs, fully exposed. Faint whispers that sounded like her mother's taunts echoed in the recesses of her mind as she stared at herself. There was no way she could go out in this. She would rather wear her leggings and tank top than have anyone see her wearing this. They would all laugh at her.

"Kari? You done yet?" Torvi called through the door.

"I'm…. I’m not coming out in this!"

"Let us see it first!" Gyda shot back.

"But…." Kari tried once again, unsuccessfully, to tuck her breasts into the bikini top. "It's padded!"

"Open this door, Kari." Gyda demanded, suddenly sounding closer.

She took one more look at herself, feeling the embarrassed tears welling in her eyes. With a deep breath, knowing she could not escape Gyda just yet, she opened the door. Immediately her blue-green eyes scanned to make sure it was only Gyda and Torvi in the kitchen before she further opened the door so they could see.

"Shit, Kari, you look great." Gyda said after giving a wolf whistle.

"Half of my butt is hanging out and most of my boobs. I can't wear this out there." She said, almost panicking now.

"No, they aren't, you're overexaggerating."

"Kari," Torvi said kindly, drawing the brunette's frenzied attention, "you're more curvy than I am and let's be honest, your ass and tits are bigger than mine. I'd kill to have a body like yours. You look beautiful. But if you're uncomfortable, I think I have a cover you can wear over it."

"Please." She replied softly, hating how she sounded like a fearful child.

Torvi smiled at her. "I'll be right back."

Swiftly, Kari stepped back into the bathroom before Gyda could say anything. Her nerves felt alight and not in a good way. Grabbing her phone, she scrolled through her Pinterest, anything to distract herself from this nightmare. If it was just Gyda and Torvi seeing her in this, she might have been uncomfortable but she could tolerate it. Even with Ivar she might have shied away some but he always made her feel so desirable that she doubted her nerves would have lasted long. It was the thought of prancing around in this in front of the other brothers, men she had never met, that made her stomach twist into knots and her breathing quicken painfully.

Finally, a gentle knock on the door and a quiet, "It's me," had Kari open it to take the cover from Torvi. It was a solid white oversized V-neck cover with a simple pattern around the neckline. Without wasting a moment, she slipped it on over the bikini, immediately feeling better. The hem of the cover touched the tops of her thighs, higher than she would have liked, but it was better than before.

She looked up, running her hands over the cover. "Thank you."

Torvi smiled softly with understanding. "I understand. I don't wear swimsuits that show my stomach anymore. Stretch marks." She shrugged casually, moving back to slip onto an island stool.

Kari trailed behind her with her bundle of clothes and purse. Without a word, Gyda slipped into the bathroom to change, leaving the other two waiting for her. It was now that Kari really took note of Torvi's swimsuit; it was a classy black and white one piece with thin crisscross straps across the back. The blonde could easily wear a bikini and look amazing in it, but it made Kari feel marginally better that she was not the only one self-conscious about her body. Perhaps that was why Torvi shared about her stretch marks?

"Is it…." Kari started then stopped, leaning against the black marble countertop. Surveying the grand kitchen for a second, hoping to gather her thoughts, she took a deep breath before continuing. "Is it okay that I'm here? Gyda said this is a family event and I don't want to intrude."

Torvi turned to face her fully, green eyes gazing at her before she shrugged again. "Normally we try to keep it just family, Ubbe sometimes brings Margrethe, but I doubt anyone will be upset you're here. Honestly, the brothers keep asking about you, so now maybe they will finally shut up and stop teasing Ivar."

Kari fiddled with the hem of the swimsuit cover. "He didn't seem happy to see me."

"Ivar?" At Kari's nod, Torvi snorted. "I don't think it's you he's upset with. He's a very private person, as I'm sure you know. If I took a guess, I'd say he was keeping you hidden."

"But why?"

"Look, I've known the Lothbroks for about ten years and during that time, I've seen Ivar go through some ups and downs…. well, as much as he lets anyone see. I mostly heard it from Bjorn. Point is, he's allowing you into his inner circle. Hell, you're probably at the center of his inner circle. I saw how he acted with you at the yoga studio. You mean something to him. It's no secret he wants you to be his girlfriend. Maybe he is worried that you'll meet his family and decide we're too much or that you find one of his brothers more attractive or easier to deal with? He pretends to be super confident but it wouldn't be the first time that a woman chose one of the others over him."

Every time Kari heard that, her heart broke once again for Ivar. How many times had he been overlooked because of his legs? Or his harsh demeanor? Something that she was beginning to realize was just to protect himself, to keep others at arm's length. It made her want to hug him and never let him go, to remind him he was more than just his disability. That he was worth being cared about by more than just family.

Kari must have been lost in her thoughts for longer than she realized. Suddenly she was drawn out of her inner musings by Gyda coming out of the bathroom, having changed into a plant print cutout tankini. Of course, looking like she just stepped out of a magazine cover. There had to be something in the Lothbrok blood for everyone to be this damn attractive.

"Are we ready?" She asked, her large bag in hand, presumably with her clothes in it. "Kari, you can put your stuff in here for now."

Torvi touched Kari's shoulder. "Don't worry. If anything, you are here to keep me and Gyda company, okay?"

Kari smiled, finding herself reassured and grateful for the two women. "Thanks." She slipped her clothes and shoes into Gyda's bottomless bag. They stashed their bags in the glass room and then headed back out into the backyard.

Soon as they stepped out, a little girl came running over. Torvi swept her up into her arms gracefully. She turned to Kari with the little blonde girl on her hip. "This is Asa. How old are you, Asa?"

The little girl stared at her mom before shyly tucking her face into the crook of Torvi's neck, while her blue eyes stayed on Kari. After a moment, she held up two fingers.

"You're two?" Kari asked. When the little girl shyly nodded, Kari's smile widened. "I wish I was that old. It's nice to meet you, Asa. I'm Kari."

Torvi pressed a quick kiss to the top of her daughter's head. "Did daddy let you play in the pool yet?"

Asa shook her head.

"Alright, let's go kick his butt. He did promise, didn't he?"

That made the little girl giggle and Kari could feel her heart melting slightly. She was just too cute and most likely spoiled by all her uncles. Even her swimsuit was a purple halter top and green bottom with a little skirt that was very The Little Mermaid-esque.

A happy scream followed by a splash drew Kari's gaze to the pool. A young boy resurfaced laughing loudly. Bjorn, she recognized, was in the pool also, but turned to look up at Torvi as she approached with Asa on her hip.

"Let's go sit down." Gyda slipped her arm through Kari's and pulled her along to where there was a grouping of lounge chairs. Ivar, Hvitserk and a curly-haired blond reclined with beers in hand.

Kari could feel Ivar's gaze tracing over her form as she approached, like fingers trailing over her skin leaving a fire in its wake. She sneaked a peek at him, only to find his ardent gaze on her. She blushed and kept her eyes downward. At least he did not look impassive anymore, but she still felt hesitant.

"Hey boys. What are we drinking this time?" Gyda questioned.

Hvitserk turned the beer bottle to show the label.

"Ew. I don't why you drink that shit. I'm going to get some wine. Kari, you want some?"

"Ah, sure." She murmured.

"Good. You boys be nice to my friend, especially you Ivar." With that Gyda walked back towards the house but not before giving Kari a subtle wink.

"Take a seat, Kari." Hvitserk gestured to an open chair next to him.

For a split second she considered slinking into the seat, anything for the attention to be taken off her, but realized that was not what she actually wanted. It had been two days since she had seen Ivar and the last time they hung out, it was when he returned from his trip to Italy. He had picked her up the next day to take her out to eat but he ended up spending the majority of the time on his phone, yelling into it in a foreign language and seeming on the verge of throwing his phone or punching a wall. She ended up ordering take-out for them that they ate at her townhouse but he was too wired to really relax and left soon after. The next two days he had been busy with work so they could only text. The one time they managed to Face-Time, she could not help but notice his bruised knuckles and when she asked him about them, he said he did some boxing to release stress.

With butterflies doing somersaults in her belly, she took a step closer to stand near Ivar's lounge chair. Tugging on the hem of her cover as she quietly spoke. "Hey, Ivar. Can I sit with you?"

"Oh, you're acknowledging me now?" He snapped, never removing his severe blue eyes off of her.

She blinked owlishly, surprised by his sharp tone. Her stomach dropped to her feet and she could feel an embarrassed flush rising on her cheeks. "Yeah, I'm sorry." She whispered, dropping her chin, unable to meet his eyes anymore. This was all a mistake, she knew it. This only sealed her poor decision.

Shifting to look back at the house, she wondered if she should find Gyda and beg to drive her back home, or if she should find the closest bus stop. Before she could take a step away, a calloused hand snatched hers in a firm grip. Startled, she looked down to see Ivar holding her hand. Her eyes jumped up to stare at him in shock, confused by his conflicting actions. In those vivid, expressive eyes she could easily read the regret in them. Without her conscious decision, her heart softened.

"Sit." He said quietly, what most likely meant to come out commanding but sounded more as a plea. She nodded and allowed him to guide her onto the wide lounge chair next to him.

A furious blush warmed her cheeks when Ivar wrapped an arm around her waist, tucking her into his side and pressing a quick kiss to her temple. What she assumed was his nonverbal apology.

"Hey, this is Sigurd." Hvitserk said, gesturing to the unknown blond sitting with them. "I don't think you've met him yet. Ubbe had to take a call, so you'll meet him later."

"Hi, it's nice to meet you." She said, looking at the other Lothbrok. He had light blond, curly hair in frazzled braids and brown eyes. At first glance she would not have guessed he was one of the brothers, but she figured genetics were always weird. He had a lean body similar to Hvitserk with a tribal tattoo sleeve and a Thor's hammer necklace laying on his bare chest like the other brothers wore.

He silently raised his beer bottle at her, still stretched out in his chair like a lazy cat in the sun.

Thoughtfully she peered up at Ivar, keeping her voice low. "I'm sorry, I didn't know Gyda was bringing me here otherwise I'd have told you. She literally didn't tell me until we were pulling up."

"It's fine." He murmured evenly, but Kari got the feeling that was not how he truly felt.

"Do….do you want me to leave?"

He sighed, his grip around her tightening for a moment, before he seemed to relax. "No. I'm glad you're here. It won't be boring…." a wolfish grin grew as he slid his hand up her exposed thigh sensually, ".... especially if you take off this cover and let me see what's underneath."

"No!" She squeaked, grabbing his roving hand before it could migrate further.

He chuckled. "Come on, kitten…. just a peek?"

"Ivar, no."

"Why not?"

"Its…. it’s scandalous."

Hvitserk raised his hand, a devious smirk on his face. "I want to see."

She covered her face with her hands, embarrassment flooding her. "Oh gods, this was such a bad idea." Then she had to rapidly grasp Ivar's hand as it slipped under the swimsuit cover to caress her hip and trace her bikini bottom. "Ivar…."

"Fine." He slipped his hand back out but splayed it over her exposed thigh. "You can show me later."

Thankfully, Gyda reappeared with a glass of white wine in each hand and another blond male in tow who carried the wine bottle. He had short, cropped hair and a muscular body that spoke of many hours in the gym. Kari wondered if this was the brother that Ivar regularly worked out with.

"Why are you sitting with Ivar? I brought you here! I'm even bringing you wine!" Gyda teased, handing a glass to Kari.

"You also dragged me here unknowingly. Wine is the least you could do." Kari said without thinking, making the others laugh.

"You know damn well you're happy to be here." Gyda winked then took the open lounge chair next to her. "Right, I'm guessing you've been introduced to Sigurd." She flicked a hand in the curly-haired Lothbrok's direction followed by vaguely gesturing to the last unknown brother. "Now this pain in my ass, over here, is Ubbe. Ubbe, this is Kari."

Sitting between Hvitserk and Gyda, Ubbe rolled his blue eyes but leaned forward to shake Kari's hand. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"Yeah, likewise."

Ubbe sat back with an impish glint in his eyes. "So, you're Ivar's girl?"

"Um…. we’re just..." She started, unsure what to say to his family.

Ivar broke in, his single word answer almost coming out in a growl. "Yes."

She whipped her head to look at him, only for him to stare her down as if waiting to see if she could refute his claim. Logically, she knew she should say something, argue that they were only friends. Yet any rebuttal died on her tongue under his fierce gaze. Instead she chose to sip on her wine generously.

"Right." Ubbe finally said, watching the two with an amused look.

Sigurd scoffed loudly before taking a swig of his beer.

"Something you want to say, Sig?" Ivar turned narrowed eyes at his brother.

The curly-haired brother smirked, seeming to debate saying anything. Finally, he sat up and his gaze zeroed in on Kari. "How much does he pay you to fuck him?"

The reaction from those around was instantaneous. Next to her, Ivar tensed, ready to spring up and fight his brother. A sharp reprimand of "Sigurd!" came from both Gyda and Ubbe while Hvitserk pinched the bridge of his nose.

Something rose up inside Kari though. She understood enough to know about the animosity between Sigurd and Ivar. His comment felt more like a cruel jab at Ivar than her. She was just the pathway to try and cause torment between the brothers. But if no one else was going to stand up and defend the dark-haired Lothbrok, she would.

So instead of taking his words personally, she just smiled sweetly at Sigurd, placing a hand on Ivar's thigh as she responded. "He doesn't. I'm happy to do it for free. Besides, he has something you never will."

"And what's that?"

"A cock big enough to pleasure someone….is that why you go through girlfriends so quickly?"

The rising tension evaporated in a flash. Gyda snorted so hard she almost dropped her wine glass. Hvitserk threw his head back laughing while Ubbe tried to cover his smile with his hand. Kari was sure her eyes were comically wide as what she said without thinking sunk in. Her face flushed and she pressed her face against Ivar's shoulder. Sure, she had meant to defend Ivar but she had not meant to be so crass. The statement seemed to fly out of her mouth before her brain could catch up.

Next to her, Ivar laughed as he nuzzled her. She squirmed under his onslaught but also at realizing she just insulted one of Ivar's brothers. Even if it was the one he liked least of all. For a fleeting moment, the idea she had just made herself an enemy crossed her mind.

When she sneaked a peek, Sigurd quickly drained the rest of his beer and walked away murmuring something about getting another one.

"I think you'll fit in, Kari." Ubbe stated, still trying unsuccessfully to hide his amusement.

Kari was unsure of that. She quickly took a large sip of the wine to settle her fraying nerves. What had she been thinking? It hurt to hear Ivar's brother being so blatantly cruel to him and if this was a regular occurrence, no wonder Ivar wanted to spend most of their time at her place.

"I didn't realize you liked my cock so much, kattungen." Ivar whispered salaciously into her ear, drawing her back to the present. His tongue flicked her earlobe, making her jolt. "I think I'll have to give you a reward later."

She shivered at his tone, her core clenching without resistance. It was unfair how just at his husky tone alone, her body betrayed her desire. But they were in public though, in front of his family no less, so she willfully attempted to cool the heat warming her veins. With a smile, she tried to nudge him away from her but he was too strong, only tightening his grip on her and laying a quick kiss to her neck.

"I can't believe I said that." She whispered, hoping only he heard her.

He smirked, an unmistakable fire in his eyes. "It was sexy as fuck."

Thankfully, Torvi came over to join the group, a welcome distraction for Kari as she was sure the fire in Ivar's gaze was enough to set her ablaze and further stoke her own heat.

Torvi settled into Sigurd's now absent spot. "What did I miss?"

"Kari said Ivar's cock is bigger than Sigurd's." Hvitserk stated smugly.

Torvi stared at Kari with a tilt of her head and an amused grin. "Really? And how did we get on the subject of dicks already?"

Some of the group laughed as Kari covered her face once again, mortified that she was the center of attention because of what she thoughtlessly said. She had the sneaking suspicion none of them would ever let her live this down.

"Alright, enough. Come on, it's girl time now." Gyda grabbed Kari's hand and dragged her to her feet, much to Ivar's obvious chagrin. She scoffed, meeting her half-brother's gaze. "I'll give her back later."

The three women wandered over to some open chairs further down from the guys and closer to the Buddha statue. Gyda carried the wine bottle and her glass while Kari carefully held her own glass. Torvi snatched a beer from a nearby cooler as they meandered over. Gyda settled on a single, lounge chair adjacent to a cushioned two-person seat which the other two sat on.

"Alright, we have a very serious matter to discuss. Your answer may or may not break our friendship." Gyda started, leaning forward as she pointed a single finger at the brunette.

Kari found herself straightening in her seat, hand clutching her wine glass tighter.

Eyes intent, Gyda's voice dropped conspiringly. "Who is sexier: Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes?"

Shock rendered Kari momentarily speechless. At Gyda's serious tone, she had imagined a topic that would involve confessing a secret, not…. not a movie franchise. "Um…. Bucky." She hesitantly answered.

"Yes!!" Gyda shouted, throwing her arms up and almost spilling her wine. "I knew I liked you! Ivar, she is mine now!"

Kari laughed at her enthusiasm; all concern having vanished instantly. "I take it you like him too?"

"Hell yeah. I would willingly choke on his cock or he could pound my pussy to pulp and I wouldn't complain either way."

Torvi shook her head, a hint of a smile tilting the corners of her lips up. "Something's wrong with you."

"You prefer Steve?" Kari inquired, once she recovered from choking on air at Gyda's blunt statement. Her friend always had a way of surprising her, and giving her second-hand embarrassment.

Torvi shrugged. "A tall, handsome blond. That's my kind of man."

Peeking over at Bjorn who was still playing in the pool with both kids, Kari hummed thoughtfully. "Huh. Makes sense."

"No wonder you are with Ivar if you prefer Bucky Barnes."

"But we aren't…. together." Kari fixed her eyes on her wine, knowing her answer sounded lame even to her own ears.

Gyda patted her leg. "You keep telling yourself that."

"We're just friends."

"No, you aren't."

"Kari, it's fine." Torvi shot Gyda a look. "It's between you two, it's not really our business."

"She's our friend!" Gyda whined, throwing herself back in her seat dramatically.

"And she will let us know if something changes. Including telling us if Ivar does something stupid and we need to kick his ass."

Kari giggled as Torvi tapped her beer bottle against her wine glass. "I promise. Hvitserk already made me swear too."

"Good. So is Ivar really that good in bed?"

"Gyda!" Kari exclaimed but laughed at how shameless her friend was.

Torvi thankfully changed the topic of conversation to Ubbe's birthday coming up next month. Asa wandered over, wrapped in a green and brown towel with long ears sticking out that made her look like baby Yoda. When Sigurd eventually appeared, Hali dragged him to the pool where they jumped in together. Not long after, Hvitserk joined them, doing a cannon-ball with the splash almost hitting the ladies.

Kari chatted with Torvi and Gyda for some time, enjoying herself immensely. The topics varied, but she never felt unincluded. More than once, she glanced over, only to find Ivar's gaze already on her. After the third time, he tipped his head to the side and patted the spot next to him. A not-so subtle invitation or demand, depending on how you looked at it.

A smile teased her lips and she nodded. She started to rise, with her second glass of wine in hand, when the sound of a loud "shit" from Gyda distracted her.

"What is she doing here?" Torvi quietly asked with an undertone of frustration.

Curious, Kari followed their gazes towards the door leading into the glassed-in porch. She was met with the sight of two blondes emerging in matching, white swimsuits that barely seemed to cover anything. Both strutted as if they were on a runway, while chatting with one another.

"Kari, go sit with Ivar." Gyda encouraged, snatching her hand and leading her back without a moment's hesitation towards where Ivar and Ubbe were still sitting. The wine was left forgotten on the side table.

"What's going on?" Kari asked in a hushed tone.

"Drama. I can't believe that bitch brought her. What was she thinking?"

"Gyda?"

She clicked her tongue but hurriedly whispered back. "That's Ivar's ex."

Surprise made Kari almost stumble but she managed to catch herself at the last second. Further explanations had to wait because they came upon the brothers at the same time the two blondes did. Soon as Kari was close enough, Ivar held out his hand, a sweet gesture, but she could see the tension and anger in the set of his shoulders and the thin line of his lips. Silently, he guided her to sit between his spread legs, arms banding around her waist and pulling her indecently close. For once though, she did not complain.

"Hey, baby." One of the blondes said in a sickly-sweet voice as she pressed a kiss to Ubbe's cheek. "Sorry we're late."

"It's fine." Ubbe slowly answered as he shifted his gaze to the other blonde. "I didn't know you were bringing someone."

"This is supposed to be family only." Gyda snapped, having dropped into her seat next to Ivar and Kari.

The blonde, who stood next to Ubbe still, narrowed her eyes at Kari. "Then why is she here?"

"That's Ivar's girlfriend." Ubbe answered.

"Uh, hi, I'm Kari." She decided to speak up, hoping introductions would somehow break the rising tension. At her words, Ivar momentarily dropped his head to kiss her shoulder. Unsure if his actions were encouraging or reprimanding, she laid her hands over his, which were still wrapped around her.

"Hmmm…. Margrethe." She replied flatly, with a pinched look, as if talking to Kari was beneath her. "I'm Ubbe's fiancé."

The other blonde smiled pleasantly as she looked Kari in the eye. "I'm Freydis. It's lovely to meet you."

"Yeah, nice to meet you too." Kari managed to say around the suddenly tightened grip around her waist. She would be a liar if she said she was not intimidated by Freydis. While both women were beautiful, something that seemed required to be in the presence of the Lothbrok family, Freydis was a step beyond that. With her doll-like features, lovely blue eyes and flawless skin, she was gorgeous. Kari could feel all her own insecurities screaming at her in the presence of Ivar's ex. How the youngest Lothbrok went from someone as stunning as Freydis to as girl-next-door as Kari, she had no idea….and it made her uncomfortable.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" Ivar demanded, ignoring Freydis' presence completely.

Margrethe rolled her eyes as her hand slowly stroked across Ubbe's shoulders. "I get bored and wanted to spend time with my best friend, so fuck off." She turned her head to look at Freydis beside her. "Come on, let's get something to drink."

After a quick kiss to Ubbe, the two headed back towards the house but not before Freydis glanced back at Ivar and Kari one last time.

Once they were far enough away, Gyda rounded on Ubbe, not even bothering to contain her ire. "Fiancé? Really, Ubbe?" She sneered.

"Hell no. I haven't proposed. I damn well don't plan to and she knows it."

"Why are you still with her? She's a greedy bitch."

"Gyda, I know you don't like her but she's still my girlfriend."

"Who the fuck knows why."

Ubbe turned his attention to Ivar. "I swear I didn't know she was bringing Freydis. I'd have told her not to come then."

"As long as she stays the fuck away from me, I don't give a shit." The dark-haired Lothbrok growled at his older brother.

The residual tension in the air was painful to abide in. It felt like a caged animal, pacing, waiting, ready for the moment to unleash a terrorizing attack.

"Hey, I have a question." Kari blurted out, unable to take the way the tension made her skin feel like it was being sunburned. Once Gyda and Ubbe shifted to watch her, she posed her question. "Ah, well, I've been wondering for a while but why don't you guys have bodyguards or something?"

Ivar snorted, brushing her hair over her shoulder to press his face into the crook of her neck, making her squirm although he did not relent his position.

It was Ubbe that answered with a wide grin. "Eh, we don't need them. We can handle ourselves."

"But you guys have drivers, isn't the next step to have bodyguards?"

"You worried for us?" Ivar whispered, nipping at her skin, only to soothe the spot with his tongue.

"I'm serious."

"Let's just say we know how to protect ourselves. Besides, no one is stupid enough to come after us." Ubbe concluded, raising his beer in a mock salute.

Gyda snickered. "This is why I stay out of the family business."

"You've no issue spending Father's money though." Ubbe retorted in a jovial way.

She shrugged and sent Kari a playful wink.

A minute later, Bjorn, Torvi and Asa came over, taking open seats with Asa sitting in Torvi's lap. Even though Kari had met Bjorn before, it still shocked her to see how much larger he was compared to the other brothers, both in size and physique. Now sitting next to Torvi, he appeared larger. With his long, braided ponytail and shaved sides, a short beard and sharp, blue eyes, he seemed quite formidable. Kari wondered briefly if that helped with the family business.

"See Kari there, she is the one who teaches yoga." Torvi softly said to Asa.

Asa peeked over at Kari, shyly smiling, still wrapped in her towel but with a juice box in hand.

"I bet if you ask nicely, she might show you something." Torvi said then looked up at Kari. "Lately she loves watching me do yoga at home. It's cute when she tries to do it with me."

Bjorn chuckled, slinging an arm over the back of his wife's chair. "And usually falls down onto her face."

"Hey, she's trying!" Torvi defended, elbowing Bjorn in the side.

Looking at the little girl across the circle of seats, Kari smiled. "Want me to show you something I've been working on? I'm not very good at it though, so if I fall over, you can laugh at me. I'll be laughing at myself too."

Asa nodded fervently, eyes wide in anticipation.

"What do you say?" Torvi tapped her daughter's nose.

Asa looked up at her mom then back to Kari. "Please." Even though it came out sounding more like "peas".

"Sure. I need to stretch some first." Kari stood up and immediately had to slap Ivar's hand away that prowled down the curve of her ass. She tried to glare at him over her shoulder, only to be met with a mock innocence. Overly aware of the eyes on her, she chose a spot nearby in the plush, green grass, trying to keep her nerves to a minimum. Carefully, she warmed up her muscles, doing a few simple stretches so as not to hurt herself. Honestly, she was nervous since she never did advanced poses in front of others. It was not that she was unable to, for she did them frequently at home on her own time. It just felt like she was vying for attention or trying to show off when she did advanced poses in view of others. Conflicting memories of her grandmother's encouraging voice fought with her mother's reprimand in her mind as she stretched.

"What are you going to do?" Gyda called over, returning from retrieving her wine glass and bottle.

The question pulled her from her mind's internal war, bringing her back to the present. "Um, it's called the super soldier."

"Oooo, I like it already."

Once stretched, Kari stood frozen for a moment realizing she was going to need to take her cover off to do the pose.

"Kari, you look sexy as hell, now take the damn cover off." Gyda called out.

Kari hesitated, fears and insecurities rising afresh within her.

"Do it or Ivar will get his ass up and help you. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"I hate you." She mumbled but gave in. Slowly, she walked back over to the circle of chairs, pulling the white cover off and dropped it on the lounge chair Ivar still sat on. Her eyes briefly flickered up only to meet Ivar's smoldering gaze. Instantly, she could feel herself flush. Hoping no one noticed, she moved back to her grassy spot. A loud wolf-whistle came from the direction of the pool, most likely from Hvitserk but Kari ignored it, knowing if she thought about it too much, she would make a run for it. Mentally preparing herself, she pulled her hair back into a bun on the nape of her neck, then faced the group but kept her gaze downward, too scared to look at them.

After taking a deep breath, she bent over to lay her hands flat on the grass without bending her knees. Next, she hooked her right shoulder behind her knee and extended her left arm for balance. She took a long, deep breath before continuing onward. Then she lifted her left foot and grabbed it with her right hand, still tucked behind her right leg. After another deep breath, she pulled her left leg up until her knee was pointed towards the sky. She held it there for three breaths before slowly releasing her leg back down and carefully straightening back up.

A small round of applause greeted her when she straightened.

"Another!"

"You go, Kari!"

"Do another one!"

Blushing furiously at the cheers, she leaned forward into downward facing dog. Carefully, she slid her hands forward until her elbows touched the grass with her ass still in the air. Taking a deep breath and hoping she did not make a fool of herself, she engaged her core and kicked her legs up so she was doing a handstand but still on her elbows. Once she felt stable, she pressed her legs together and slowly bent her knees until they were almost parallel with her forearms on the ground. Feeling the burn in her core and arms, she hoped she could finish the pose without falling on her face. Next, she lowered her legs, knees apart now and big toes touching until her feet touched the top of her head. She could not help the smile that stretched across her face as she held the pose for a couple seconds, making sure to breathe slow. Scorpion pose was one she was still trying to master on her own, let alone in front of others. If anything, this felt like a victory for her. Methodically she unfurled, bringing her legs up and then back to the ground.

When she finally stood up, brushing the grass off her forearms, it was to another round of applause.

"That was amazing!" Torvi said.

"I was thinking sexy as fuck!" Hvitserk exclaimed, a smile on his face from where he now stood, leaning against Ubbe's chair.

Self-consciously, Kari tugged on her swimsuit, making sure everything was tucked into place, as much as it could be, before pulling her hair out of the bun. She walked back over to the lounge chair quickly and yanked the cover back over her body.

"I'm going to wash my hands." She said without meeting anyone's eyes, skirting around the group and heading towards the glassed-in porch.

Laughter erupted behind her as she approached the door but she ignored it as she walked inside. She padded through the porch, stomach twisting in knots, and turned into the kitchen. Her feet stuttered to a halt as she noticed Margrethe and Freydis standing there with bottles of something in hand. For a split second she thought about turning and heading to the bathroom but it was too late as the two blondes noticed her intrusion.

"Hi, I just need to wash my hands." Kari explained. After a moment's hesitation, she walked around the opposite side of the massive island from them and towards the kitchen sink.

"So, you're Ivar's girlfriend?" Margrethe stated with a mocking undertone. "I didn't think someone like you was his…. type."

"Margrethe…." Freydis chided.

"What? Look at her. I mean she's got tits and an ass, and I guess she could be pretty but that's it."

"I'm sorry." Freydis apologized kindly. After a long, awkward pause where the kitchen was silent besides Kari washing her hands, she asked, "How long have you and Ivar been together?"

"Um, we aren't…. we’re just friends." Kari found herself admitting, as she finished drying her hands and turned around to see them both staring at her. Though Freydis had a gentle smile on her face, Margrethe looked nothing less than the cat that caught the canary and planned on lording it over everyone.

"Oh?"

"See. Told you, Dis. He is still single." Margrethe smugly said, flicking her hair over her shoulder. "He's just playing the game."

"Game?" Kari muttered aloud.

Freydis set her glass down and came around the island to stand in front of Kari. Her blue eyes were bright as they met Kari's. "You seem like a nice girl and clearly the others like you too. So, I'll be honest because I don't want you to get caught up in the Lothbrok drama and get hurt. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Ivar and I are getting back together. We're just taking a break right now. Truly, I know we are destined for each other and he agrees. We had a bad fight and needed some space but he loves me just as much as I love him. So, I know he will come back to me when he is ready. I'm so sorry to tell you that you're just the rebound girl. I'm sure he likes you but that's as far as it will ever go. Gyda likes to try and mess with the brothers' love lives so I am sorry if she dragged you into this without telling you the whole truth. It's not your fault. I am sure Gyda lied to you and probably Ivar too. But it's good for you to know now. I don't hold it against you if you've have had sex with him but just know your time with him is limited, okay? How long have you two been 'friends'?"

"We met last month." Kari whispered, dread and despair a writhing mess of snakes churning in her stomach. Air refused to fill her lungs, leaving her struggling for breath.

Freydis sighed. "It probably will be soon then. Just take advantage of the things he purchases for you, so when he leaves, you can have something to sell if you're in a pinch. Yeah?"

"Ah…. sure."

"Good. You seem like a nice girl. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this."

"It's…." Kari choked back a sudden sob. "It's alright. Thank you."

"Of course, we girls need to look out for each other. Is there anything I can do for you?" She inquired, sounding so genuine in her desire to help, her gaze imploring and lips in a faint, comforting smile.

"No…. no. I just need to check my phone. Have you seen Gyda's bag?"

"I think she left it on the porch." Margrethe helpfully added, never having lost the smug grin on her face as she watched Kari with a hawk-like intensity.

"Oh, right. Thank you." Kari shifted back and forth on her feet, body primed to run, to flee before anyone could see the tears that welled pathetically in her eyes.

Freydis reached out and squeezed her arm, a brief exchange of understanding, then strutted back around to grab her drink and follow Margrethe to the porch and outside.

Once alone, Kari pressed a hand over her mouth to try and stifle the sob that lodged itself in her throat. She knew it. Everything Freydis said made sense.

Without a second thought, she rushed around the island and onto the porch, quickly locating Gyda's bag. She scooped her purse and clothes out only to hurry back inside. A quick check of the time and she figured she might be able to catch a bus, but in this gated community, there was no way buses came through so she would end up walking somewhere. Feeling the sting of tears in her eyes, she sniffled, trying desperately to hold them back. She looked up the nearest bus stop on her phone, pleased it was only a few blocks away from the gated community.

Once positive she knew where she was going, she stared down at her clothes on the counter, wondering if she should change before leaving. It would certainly look odd for her to be walking down the street in the swimsuit cover and sandals in such an upscale neighborhood. Then she thought about any of the Lothbroks finding her trying to leave and pushed the potential oddity of her attire from her mind. It appeared there was a gas station nearby when she found the bus stop, it would be simple to change there quickly. Somehow she could give the swimsuit and cover back to Torvi…. but not today. Right now, she needed to leave.

She tried to shove her clothes into her purse, only succeeding by making it look like an over-inflated balloon but it worked. Lastly, she reached to grab her phone off the kitchen counter but froze. Ivar bought it for her. Freydis' words came back to her about taking advantage of the things he bought for her. Bile burned the back of her throat at the idea. She promised herself she would not be one of those girls to him. Slowly, she retracted her hand, forming it into a fist by her side. Ivar could give the phone to Freydis or throw it in the trash for all she cared. Even with the feeling of her heart being ripped in two, she refused to take advantage of him or his money. She was a better person than that. Or so she hoped.

Worried someone would come in soon, she tossed her purse over her shoulder and swiftly headed towards the front door. She passed through the hallway she entered in, but the pictures and awards blurred before her eyes as the repressed tears threatened to make an appearance. Hastily, she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand but knew it was ultimately futile.

"Kari?"

Her stride never faltered towards her escape, even after hearing Hvitserk call her name from what sounded like the porch.

"Kari? Where are you going?" His voice came from behind her, probably standing at the entrance of the hallway now.

"I have to go." Kari said, not bothering to turn around, unsure if he could even hear her. She could barely hear footsteps behind her over the sound of her sniffles and ragged breathing. It did not matter since she was close to her escape, just a couple more moments. Her hand touched the handle, just beginning to pull the door open when Hvitserk's hand appeared in her direct line of vision and slammed it closed. Although the sound was muffled, it echoed in her mind like a gunshot.

"What's going on?" Hvitserk stood directly behind her, his hand still firmly planted on the door as if to prevent her from even considering leaving without permission again.

"It's nothing." She murmured, staring down at her feet.

"I seriously doubt that if you are trying to sneak away while crying…. what happened?"

"Nothing. I just…. I just want to go home."

"Okay." He shifted to lean his shoulder against the door, ducking his head to try and catch her eyes. "Does this have to do with the yoga stuff?"

"No. Just…. please, Hvitserk."

"You need to tell me something. Look, I'll give you a ride, we can leave right now but you have to tell me what happened."

She swallowed thickly, still refusing to look at him. It was taking all of her willpower to keep the tears at bay. At any moment she felt the tears would come forth with all the power of a hurricane, reducing her to a sniveling mess on the floor, nursing a broken heart. It was all her fault though. How could she have believed someone like Ivar Lothbrok would actually be interested in her for more than just a one-night stand. She was just a challenge for him, someone to pass the time. Then once she gave in, once they finally had sex, he would walk out of her life and back into Freydis' arms and bed…. where he apparently belonged.

"Kari?" Hvitserk softly prompted.

"It's…. I just have a better understanding now…. of where I stand…. of my purpose here."

"Your purpose?"

She sniffed, wiping her wet eyes once again before the tears fell. "I'm just a rebound girl….and that's alright. I get it. But I just want to go home now."

"Fuck. Freydis said that, didn't she?"

"It doesn't matter. Can you please just take me to the bus stop, I can get home from there." She knew she was begging but she did not care anymore.

"Kari, give me that." He grabbed her purse from her and tossed it onto a wooden side table. His hands held hers in a manner that was comforting verse restraining. His thumbs rubbed along the back of her hands as he softly spoke. "Look at me, you know it's not like that."

"It doesn't matter." She shook her head, even as her hands gripped his tighter, the feeling being the only thing keeping her from falling apart at the front door. "I shouldn't have let Gyda bring me here. I should have made her drop me off."

"Kari…." He began but was interrupted.

"Hvitty?" Ivar's loud voice boomed from the kitchen. "You better not be trying to fuck Kari!"

Kari flinched at the sound. The facade of strength she fought to maintain evaporated like smoke. The tears she had been trying so desperately to withhold slipped free, rolling down her cheeks like a cleansing rain.

"Over here!" Hvitserk called back, releasing her hands but not moving away.

Ivar's measured gait could be heard coming down the hallway like the footsteps of doom.

"What the fuck is going on? You disappear to find Kari and then…." His voice trailed off as he entered the foyer, piercing gaze zeroing in on her tear-stained face. What sense of jovial teasing transformed into enraged fury. When he spoke next, it came out in an animalistic growl that bespoke impending violence. "Who fucking hurt you?"

"I'm fine." She mumbled, wrapping her arms around herself. Her chin rested on her chest, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "I just want to go home."

"Freydis….and I'm betting Margrethe also said something to her." Hvitserk snitched, leaning fully against the door. He watched both Kari and his brother as if ready to intervene at a moment's notice.

Ivar snapped, stepping closer. "What did they say?"

She was unsure who he directed his question to but she still shook her head, refusing to look at either brother. Hearing his wrath, it only made her heart ache more. All of this was a show, it had to be. Why would he truly care? The sound of his heavy gait coming closer brought a fresh wave of silent tears.

Moving to her other side, he cupped her cheek. When she resisted looking at him, he shifted his hand to grab the back of her neck, forcing her gaze to meet his. A tempest swirled in his icy blue eyes. "What. Did. They. Say?"

"Why does it matter?" She questioned, bottom lip trembling as a sob rose from her chest.

"Because they hurt you."

"But I'm no one. I don't matter." She shook her head, pressing a hand over her mouth to contain the cries bound to escape at any moment. "You're just going to get back together with Freydis when you get bored with me."

His eyes widened as if she had sucker-punched him. His mouth dropped open for a moment before he collected himself, the maelstrom rippling under his skin on the verge of breaking free. "Did they say that?"

"Freydis said…. she said you two were just taking a break….and I'm the rebound girl."

"Fuck. Fuck!" Ivar stepped away, running his hands through his loose hair. In an instant, he grabbed the decorative bowl off the entrance table and threw it. The shattering against the wall reverberated in the foyer followed by Ivar's guttural shout. "FUCK!"

"Ivar." Hvitserk softly said, warily watching his younger brother.

"I'm going to kill her. Fuck! I can't believe she would fucking say that!" Ivar ran his hands through his hair again, looking on the verge of ripping the strands out. The ferocity in his eyes was unmatched as he glanced down the hallway, clearly wanting to go after his ex, then shifted back to Kari, who remained silent and unmoving. "What else did she say?" He barked at her.

"You're destined for each other." She confessed after a moment's hesitation.

Ivar stormed over to her, devouring the ground beneath his feet as he invaded her space. Standing before her, he cupped her face, eyes imploring her to believe him. "Freydis is a crazy, jealous bitch. She manipulates to get what she wants. Don't believe a word out of her fucking mouth. Fuck! Please, Kari, don't cry. I'm right here, kitten."

His words seeped into her mind, slipping in through the cracks and delving deep into her soul. His words alone should not have reassured her like they did. Between his pleading eyes and his gentle touch, her few walls surrounding her heart crumbled, unable to fight him. She believed him, even before her mind fully recognized it.

She lightly placed her hands on his bare chest, one directly over his heart, feeling the rapid tempo under her fingers. "Promise?" She whispered wetly. "You're not just…. I’m not just a rebound girl?"

Ivar groaned, pressing his forehead to Kari's. "I swear. I never thought that about you."

And she believed him again. The truth falling from his lips resounded in the very core of her being. It made no sense how she knew, but somehow, she did.

After a long second, Hvitserk pushed off the door from next to them. "I'm going to head back and keep an eye on them. Kari, if you still want a ride just text me, alright?"

"Thank you, Hvitty." She reached out and snagged his hand, giving it a quick squeeze. With a smile, he responded in kind before heading down the hallway towards the backyard.

Soon as Hvitserk started walking away, Ivar grabbed her hand and led her in the opposite direction. They hurried through a short hallway to arrive at a closed door. Impatiently, Ivar thrust the door open and pulled her into a room, slamming the door shut behind them. She had a brief moment to scan the new room and notice the two walls with floor to ceiling bookshelves packed full and the couple couches near a large window.

Before she could do anything, she shrieked as she found herself suddenly yanked back, her body colliding with the closed door. Immediately Ivar's mouth claimed hers in a hungry, feverish kiss. His body pinned her to the door, hands kneading her hips. It was all she could do to just breathe. Her hands clung to his broad shoulders, desperate to stay above the waves of passion-fueled desire that surged unchecked within her.

Ivar withdrew his mouth from hers, but only to place kisses over her cheeks, washing away her tears with his affections. "Don't listen to her. Her and I. We are through. I will never go back to her. She has been sniffing around but that ends tonight. I won't fucking let her talk to you again. I fucking swear it."

"Ivar…." She whined, tilting her head. An open invitation which he took.

He swooped in, continuing to speak between leaving open-mouth kisses on her neck. "It's you. It's you I want. It's you I think about all the time. Fuck, kitten, you have no idea how much I want you. And seeing you do those yoga poses in that swimsuit…. fuck! You looked so goddamn sexy; I got a hard-on just watching." He grabbed her thigh, lifting it up and curling it behind him, pressing himself against her core. At the touch of his hardened length against her, she whimpered. "Do you feel that? That's for you, søte Kari."

She could not help but roll her hips, grinding against his erection, body automatically seeking friction.

"Yes! Fuck." He growled against her neck. "Come here."

She whined when he released her leg, letting it fall down to the floor. Her breathing was unsteady already, heart hammering away in her chest. A part of her knew she should stop this, open the door behind her and walk out to avoid the temptation. Yet when his hand latched onto hers once again, tugging her towards one of the couches, she followed willingly, unable to deny the sweet sin that was Ivar.

He dropped onto the couch and settled her into his lap to straddle him. As she settled, he grabbed a handful of the cover over her and yanked it off, tossing it haphazardly onto the floor. Her first instinct was to cover her chest, but as her arms moved to do that, Ivar guided them behind his head. His gaze drunk in the curves of her body, an unashamed starved look in his eyes that made her shudder as it further ignited the fire in her belly.

"Kattungen min." He whispered reverently. "Fucking hell, so gorgeous. No one else gets to touch you like I do. Got it? You're mine." He started lavishing her chest and neck with his mouth, alternating between his lips and tongue.

She knew she should feel more self-conscious straddling Ivar's lap in only the swimsuit that barely covered all of her assets; but it was as if his touch banished the thoughts away. Instead she felt beautiful and cherished.

He palmed one of her breasts and the moan that escaped her was pure wanton. Hands tangled in his long locks as her hips ground harder against his erection in response. His leg braces were only an afterthought that did not impede her actions.

"Ivar, please."

"That's it. Fuck, you're so beautiful. I can't wait to fuck you senseless."

Suddenly he shifted under her, his hand fumbling between them. Her mind barely took notice as he sucked the skin between her breasts, something that would definitely leave a mark. Next thing she knew, his cock was freed, standing at attention between them.

Before she could protest, he spoke up. "I know you're not ready." He slid it under her, pulling her hips back down. At the sensation of his cock rubbing her slit with only the thin barrier of the bikini bottom between them, she threw her head back with a whine. Desire roared through her like a freight train as his cock rubbed against her soaking core.

"You like that, kitten?"

"Yes." She sighed out, head tilted back as she rolled her hips.

"Good, my turn." He reached behind her and promptly untied the straps of the bikini top behind her back.

"Ivar!" She tried to cover herself but he swatted her hands away.

"Trust me."

Once she relented, he laid a hard kiss to her lips then tugged the top over her head, the band behind her neck without a tie. She desperately wanted to cover herself, now before him feeling on full display. But it was the look on his face that stilled her movements.

"Guder. Du er utsøkt. Faen. Den vakreste kvinnen." He murmured with adoration and awe dripping off each word.

"What did you say?"

Instead of answering her, he lowered his face to her chest and captured one of her perky nipples in his mouth. His other hand moved to grab one of her ass cheeks, encouraging her to keep riding him.

All breath vanished from her lungs. All thoughts and insecurities fled under his touch. Her hands tangled in his hair, keeping his mouth on her. All she could feel was him. All she wanted to feel was him. Gasps and moans slipped from her as she allowed herself to be overtaken and drawn into an ocean of pleasure.

She could feel herself rising higher and higher, riding the wave. Her mind was becoming delirious from fire in her veins and the motion of her hips rocking over his exposed cock.

To her surprise, Ivar grabbed a handful of hair at the back of her neck. "That's it, beautiful. Fuck. Let's see what that bendy spine can do." Carefully, he pulled on her hair, not in a painful way but as if to guide her. Willingly submitting herself, she bent her back, following his lead. When her chest was parallel to the ceiling, he stopped pulling, keeping her suspended with her back arched.

Ivar groaned loudly, thrusting against her. She met his action, too absorbed in the bliss to care about decency.

"All the dirty, fucking things this makes me want to do to you." He licked a scalding line up her sternum, only to swirl his tongue around one of her nipples, making her mewl as she continued to move her hips faster. "Come for me."

"Yes, yes." She chanted. "Ivar, please."

"Keep begging, kitten. Let me know how much you want my cock."

As her climax hit, the tightening coil in her core sprung loose, her mouth dropped open in a silent scream. Wave after wave rolled over her. She could feel Ivar grunt and thrust a few more times beneath her before retracing his cock and spurting onto her exposed stomach. After he released her hair, letting her rise back up to face him. Their eyes fixated on one another, chests heaving as they struggled for breath.

Gently, she reached out and touched his cheek, a shy smile on her face. Then, when he made no move to pull away, she leaned forward, uncaring of his cum slipping down her stomach, and drew him into a lazy, slow kiss. He responded, lips melding to hers in a way that was full of softness and contentment. After a moment, she felt him reach behind him for the blanket laying on the back of the couch and wipe her stomach off, all the while never abandoning their kiss.

Once she was clean, he dropped the blanket to the floor and somehow managed to keep their lips locked as he guided them to lay down on the couch, their bare chests pressed together and his arm under her head, legs tangled.

"Do you believe me now?" He eventually asked, leaning back but only far enough so the tips of their noses almost touched.

"Mmmm?"

"That it's you I want. Freydis and anyone else can go fuck themselves for all I care."

She bit her bottom lip and dropped her gaze. "I don't understand why."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean…. Margrethe said I'm not your…. type."

He snorted and muttered under his breath, "fucking bitch".

"But she's right." Kari pressed onward, her hand running up and down his side as if to ground herself. "I mean, I could never compare to Freydis…. or Torvi or Gyda or any of them. They are all beautiful and….and in perfect shape. I'm not. My thighs and butt are too big and I'm maybe pretty but that's it."

"You're right. You're not my usual type. But those girls, I'd fuck them and then never look their way again. You though, fuck, I can barely take my eyes off you when you're around. And these," he reached down and grabbed a handful of one of her ass cheeks, making her squeak. "I love them. And these thighs, fucking hell, kitten, I want you to suffocate me with them when I finally eat you out."

She gasped, a bolt of electricity shooting through her at the image.

A devilish grin grew on his face, his hand stroking her ass cheek. "You like that idea? My tongue teasing your folds before slipping inside of you. Your thighs wrapped around my head as I feast on your pussy."

"Ivar." She whined, unable to stop the sudden roll of her hips.

"Soon, sweet Kari." He chuckled darkly, ceasing her movement by melding their hips together. "And your tits, gods, they are perfect. I could stare at them all day."

She giggled even as she flushed under his praise. "I'm sorry for doubting you. I guess, I'm still just surprised you'd…. well, that you want me."

"You are mine. You're my woman." He stated resolutely, gazing directly into her eyes so she could see how serious he was.

"But we aren't dating…."

"Doesn't fucking matter. You're mine. And one of these days you'll change your mind and stop playing this game of trying to keep me away."

She sighed, wishing it would be that easy. Before he could continue with that argument, she changed the subject. "You know, I think we exceeded our kiss quota for the day."

He snorted. "I didn't see you complaining earlier."

"That's true. Do you think we should head back out?"

"If I see Freydis or Margrethe right now…." His voice trailed off, but the fury from earlier lingered in the unspoken threat.

"I know. We don't have too. I'm okay right here."

A grateful smile on his lips, he kissed her quickly then rolled her onto her back and laid his head on her chest. They relaxed like that for several minutes in silence, her hand running through his hair, just enjoying the feeling of complacency and peace between them now after their fight. If you could even call it that.

Finally, she spoke up in a hushed tone, a random question coming to mind. "Do you ever get in the pool?"

"No."

"Oh." Was all she could say after his sharp, barbed answer. Clearly it was a subject that was not open for discussion. Her mind wandered, wondering what happened to cause such a response from him. An uncomfortable tension hung over them after his response. Something she was not sure if she should try and dissipate or ignore for now.

After a minute of continued silence, he kissed her chest, letting his lips linger there as if using the extra time to mentally prepare himself. Before she could tell him it was none of her business, he spoke. His tone was quiet and, in anyone else, almost shaky.

"I…. I used to try when I was younger. They'd put me on one of those stupid floating things and pull me around or someone would hold me. Then, when I was about seven…. Sigurd and I got in a big fight earlier that day. He claimed I broke one of his toys. Fucking asshole. I was sitting by the pool, this in our childhood home in Kattegat, I liked to watch things float on the water. Sigurd walked by me and….and pushed me over the edge."

She gasped. "Oh Ivar…."

"Ubbe jumped in and pulled my half-drown ass out." He nuzzled against her skin; his tone having lost the insecurity as he reassured her. "I'm alright, Kari."

She drew his face up and gave him a long kiss, their mouth connecting with a deeper need and alleviation. "Remind me to thank Ubbe when I see him next."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't. He's never let me forget the fact."

"Still."

They laid there for some more time, wrapped up in one another and content in the peaceful stillness. She could not help but think about the memory Ivar shared with her. How far back did that resentment go between the brothers? Had there ever been a time where they cared for one another? And how bad was the animosity between them if one was willing to kill the other, even as children? If her arms tightened around him, neither one mentioned it as they continued to lay there.

A loud knock on the door followed by a yell through the door of "are you two done yet?" disturbed their peace.

"Hvits, fuck off!" Ivar called back, burrowing his face between her breasts.

"Do you have clothes on at least?!"

"I do!"

Kari swatted the back of Ivar's head at his admission. Leaning up slightly, he gave her a cheeky wink before laying his head back down.

"Well cover up, I'm coming in!" Hvitserk yelled through the door.

"Ivar, get up." Kari softly said, a panic setting in at the brother coming in and seeing them in this suggestive position and her topless.

"No." He mumbled.

Before she could shove him off, he snatched the throw blanket off the floor and threw it over his head to cover her chest. As she began to protest, the door cautiously opened. In an instant, she tried to spread out the blanket over them as best as she could, keeping the blanket over her chest and spread it somewhat over their torsos. Although how much good it did was questionable. She peered over to see Hvitserk standing in the doorway with an amused look before shaking his head and stepping in, closing the door behind him.

"What the fuck do you want?" Ivar asked, muffled by the blanket and his face still pressed against her skin.

Kari raised her gaze to the ceiling for a moment then mouthed to Hvitserk, "I'm sorry."

Hvitserk winked at her before answering. "Bjorn and Torvi want everyone together before they leave. Sounds like they have an announcement or something."

"Are the bitches still here?"

"Yeah." Hvitserk sighed.

"Then no."

"I'll go." Kari softly said. "It must be important."

"No, you aren't." Ivar nipped at the side of her breast, making her squirm.

"Well everyone is waiting on you two." Hvitserk pointed out as he watched, clearly entertained if his broad grin said anything.

"I'm coming."

Ivar pulled the blanket back slightly to stare up at her. "Why the fuck do you want to see them?"

"Is it….is it terrible I want to show Frey…. her that I'm still here. That no matter what they said, that I'm not going anywhere."

A positively, feral grin spread over his face. He swooped in and pressed a devastating kiss to her mouth, not letting up until she thought she would suffocate from the intensity of it. "Let's go."

He started to rise up but when she squeaked and tried to clutch the blanket to her, he froze.

"Hvits, leave."

"You sure I can't stay?" His smirk grew as he caught Kari's eye and watched her flush deepen.

"GO!" Ivar bellowed, glaring at his older brother.

"Fine. I'll wait out here for you. If you're not out in three minutes, I'm coming back in." Hvitserk stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

Ivar carefully slid off of her, standing up beside the couch, the blanket in hand. His predatory, blue eyes remained trained on her form, raking over her body like a sweet he wanted to devour completely. A familiar warmth awakened in her core, even as she shyly glanced away, covering her naked breasts with her hands.

"Fuck, you're gorgeous. On second thought, I think we should stay. I need another taste of you and to hear you moaning my name for everyone to fucking hear."

She squealed, quickly skirting away from him before he could pounce on her. "Ivar, no!" Yet, miraculously, he managed to snag an arm around her waist and drag her back against his chest.

"Should we make an announcement of our own?" He asked, running his nose along the shell of her ear, chuckling under his breath when she shivered against him.

"What do you mean?"

"That you're my girlfriend. That this just-friends is shit."

"I…." She balked, eyes wide and heart beating a painful staccato in her chest. “We…. we can't."

"Why the fuck not?" He grasped her breasts, rolling her peaked nipples between his fingers.

She practically swallowed her tongue, biting back the moan lodged in her throat. When she was positive she could control her voice, she replied. "We've talked about this. I'm just…. I’m not ready."

"But you'll practically let me fuck you?"

At his harsh snap, she tried to push out of his embrace, unwilling to have this conversation in their current predicament or maybe have the conversation at all. The innate desire to flee rose up in her but she tried to force it down as she squirmed in his arms. He held her firm, not giving up an inch, her body flush against his own.

"Ivar!"

"What aren't you telling me?"

She hated both herself and him in the moment as she ceased her escape attempts. She hated him for continuously pushing her, for ignoring her words and trying to force her where he wanted her to be. Even more though, she hated herself. If she had kept away from him, however unlikely that was, if she did not have to hide, then none of this would matter. If she could be honest, truly honest, he would most likely reject her. And that was why she hated herself most. Because she was selfish and wanted his attention and affection, even knowing if he knew who she truly was, he would walk away.

Carefully, she turned her head to meet his stormy eyes. "I promise one day I will. I just…. can we please just enjoy this? What we have? I just need…. time."

He stared down at her for a long time. She wondered what he read in her face when he finally gave a resigned sigh. "Fine. I'm telling people you are my girlfriend though."

"You're unbelievable."

"I think you like that about me." He matched her smile with his own before letting her go.

She quickly found her bikini top, noticing Ivar not-so-subtly adjusting his sweatpants. She slipped it over her head but when she went to tie the straps, a pair of calloused hands covered hers. Without a word, he tied it behind her back. Once done, his hand slowly prowled down her back to lightly smack her ass.

"Hey!" She whipped around, only to see a Cheshire grin on his face.

"That's my sexy ass."

"Oh my god. Unbelievable." She muttered to herself as she snatched up the cover and pulled it over. She looked down at the blanket piled on the floor.

"Leave it. I'll deal with it later." He took her hand and walked with her towards the door. When they opened it, a still-shirtless Hvitserk stood leaning against the wall across from them.

"Took you two long enough. Damn. Almost came in and threw Kari over my shoulder to get you out."

Ivar spat something out in their language that made Hvitserk roll his eyes. Before they could move further down the hallway, Hvitserk reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, freezing her in place.

"Hey, whatever they said. Just try to ignore it. We all want you here. Hell, all of us would kick them to the damn curb if Ubbe would let us. But Ubbe and Bjorn have already approved of you."

Ivar scoffed but Hvitserk kept his gaze on hers, letting her know he was serious.

"Just know, we're on your side."

"Thank you, Hvitty." She squeezed his hand, warmth blooming in her chest at his words.

"Either one of them tries to talk to her, I'll strangle them." Ivar growled, starting down the hallway, towing Kari behind him.

"You can't kill them, Ivar. Mother said murder is wrong."

Ivar laughed, looking over his shoulder at his brother. "Mother still loves me."

"Yeah, yeah, we all know you're her favorite."

"Can you blame her? Look at me. I'm far superior and more interesting than the rest of you."

"Keep telling yourself that."

Kari could not help but smile at their teasing, a mock argument that sounded like it had been executed many times before until now it was said out of fondness and mock sibling rivalry.

The three walked back outside through the glassed-in porch. On the way, she noticed her purse back next to Gyda's bag and wondered if Hvitserk moved it there for her. Outside, everyone else sat on chairs or lounge chairs that were grouped in a haphazard circle, obviously waiting for the remainder of the group to join.

"What took you so long? Thought we'd have to send a search party to find you." Bjorn called out as the three approached.

"I got 'em. The library reeks of sex though." Hvitserk said, dodging Kari's swing.

Ivar guided her back to the lounge chair they had been sitting in earlier, tucking her into his side with a hand laying possessively on her hip. Hvitserk sat on her other side instead of pulling a new chair over. She tried to ignore Margrethe and Freydis who sat across from them, keeping her eyes trained on her lap, fiddling with the hem of her cover.

"Ok, now that we're finally all here." Bjorn said, standing up with Asa in his arms. "We just wanted to tell our family the good news in person."

"Torvi is pregnant!" Gyda blurted, staring at her sister-in-law in shock.

"Fuck! Gyda!" Bjorn groaned.

"Daddy said a bad word." Hali looked over at his mother from his spot next to Sigurd.

"Yes, he did, thank you, Hali." Torvi replied smiling then addressed the group. "I'm about two months along. So right now, we are only telling family, so please don't share this with anyone else yet."

"Wow! A third! Congrats!" Ubbe started, others immediately echoing their own congratulations and well-wishes.

Kari jumped up and moved to give Torvi a hug after Gyda. "I know we haven't known each other long but I'm so excited for you. You're an amazing mother."

"Thank you, Kari. Maybe your own time will come soon." She shooting her eyes over to Ivar for a second then meeting Kari's again.

"Oh, I don't know." She blushed at the thought. After another brief hug, Kari returned to her seat.

"How old are you?" Hvitserk asked suddenly.

"Um, I turned twenty-five this summer."

"Ha! Still the baby of the group." Sigurd laughed, pointing his beer bottle at Ivar.

"Hey, nothing is wrong with an older woman. We're in our sexual prime." Gyda defended.

"She's not that much older." Ivar retorted, his hand skimming up and down Kari's thigh. "Just a year."

"And a few months. You're turning twenty-four after the new year." Ubbe helpfully added with a grin.

"Fuck off."

"Mommy, Uncle Ivar said a bad word now."

"Yes, he did, Hali. I think it's time for us to go. Say goodbye to everyone." Torvi said. After a round of goodbyes and hugs to all the uncles and aunt, the small family headed back through the house to head to their own home.

"Did you know Ivar is younger than you?" Hvitserk asked conspiringly, once conversation started around them again.

She tilted her head as she looked at him, slowly answering his question. “Yeah…. we talked about this a while ago."

"Good. Do you want kids?"

"Hvits, what is this?" Ivar butted in.

"Just testing the waters to see how she feels about having my babies. You know they'd be beautiful." Hvitserk chuckled when Ivar glared at him.

"Be nice you two or I'm moving." Kari chided.

"Yes, mom." Hvitserk said, sneaking a kiss to her cheek before jumping away. He turned around and pointed at her as he walked backwards. "One day you'll have my babies!"

She laughed, shaking her head. She could practically feel the smoke coming from Ivar's ears. Before he could burst a vein, she leaned closer to him and laid her head against his shoulder. "He knows I'm yours."

"He fucking better or I'll beat his ass to remind him." Ivar murmured, nuzzling her temple.

She relaxed against him, looking around the backyard. Hvitserk and Ubbe had started some kind of wrestling competition in the pool, both looking like they were trying to drown each other. Gyda and Ivar called insults from their seats. Sigurd was texting on his phone but occasionally looking up and making a comment. At one point he caught her eye and gave her a brief nod, which she smiled back, hoping any animosity between the two of them from her earlier comment was gone. She purposefully ignored the whispering between Margrethe and Freydis, taking a note from Ivar's book and acting as if they did not exist.

Looking at the Lothbrok family around her, she smiled at the group, still amazed she found herself in their midst and how welcoming most of them were. For almost two years she had been alone in a new country, thinking that was what she wanted. Now though, she wondered if she had just been missing a group that accepted her without question.

She peered up at Ivar, heart swelling with gratitude and affection. Without second guessing herself, she kissed his cheek and leaned back against his shoulder. He hummed, placing his own kiss to the top of her head.

She wondered if she should just give up fighting this, whatever this was between them. Maybe it would work out. Maybe everything would not fall apart as soon as the truth fell from her lips. Maybe he could accept her past and who she was.

Silently, she shook the thoughts away. It was still too soon to tell and if she was honest, she did not want to lose this.

Or lose him.

109 notes · View notes