#not to get too sob story but it's a very difficult feeling to accept when I spent my whole life being told that I can't trust myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jayflrt · 8 months ago

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𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝟕𝟖𝟔 19. attention seeker

welcome to the second act. warnings for this chapter include depictions of alcoholism and family issues

'BEING AN INFLUENCER WAS A REAL JOB THAT REQUIRED A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF WORK.'

Yeah, right.

Shin Yuna heard phrases along those lines all the time. Whenever she watched other people's content, a good majority of the influencers would rant about how difficult their life was, or how stressful their workload was when it came to recording and editing.

Sure, it took some effort to edit and upload new content. Yuna allocated several hours a week to do so, but all she had to do was set up a livestream for the cash to start rolling in. Wear something skimpy. Bat her lashes at the camera. Pout a little. Play up the damsel in distress act. It was simply too easy.

princessval***: omg girl pls stop drinking 😭 onlyyuna03: she's so messy i love her luvyuna***: you're back already? i thought you were taking a break onlyyuna03: @luvyuna*** you must be new LOL she always does this

But this—the flood of comments that poisoned her screen—was the curse of putting herself on the internet.

It wasn't like this during her first year of streaming. Back in high school, Yuna's parents were fighting every day, and since she didn't have any friends to talk to, she turned to the internet. She would stay up all night in random Discord servers, chatting with strangers and confiding in them about her family issues.

Naturally, these chats turned into voice calls, which later turned into video calls. Initiated by her, of course. No one else had their cameras on, though; Yuna quickly grew comfortable being in the spotlight, basking in the glow of praise from strangers. Comments like 'you're so gorgeous' and 'you should be a model' made her forget all about her family issues for a split second. Like that, it became like a drug for her.

Yuna, who was starved of attention, relished in the validation she got from online strangers. Strangers who wouldn't even share any personal information about themselves, going by fake names and hiding how old they were.

Soon after, she made her own Discord server, inviting everyone who wanted to see her get in front of her camera and talk about her day. She knew how to play her angles well, acting as if she was everyone's girlfriend while using them to satisfy her need for attention. It was a classic marketing strategy: Yuna knew her asset was her beauty, so she used it to her advantage.

All she had to do was send a picture of herself or talk in a cute voice, and everyone would fawn over her in seconds. In a life where Yuna's own parents neglected her, she found people who cared. Maybe their intentions weren't in the right place, but they were present and ready to listen to whatever she had to say.

She got ambitious, deciding to start live-streaming to a wider audience. Yuna started on Twitch, playing various games like Overwatch and League of Legends. She didn't have to be very good as long as people liked her face and stayed for her reactions.

As she grew a following, she moved to YouTube and TikTok, doubling her follower count in only months. Before, she would be talking to an audience of around 20 people, but now she was racking in thousands as soon as she went live.

Of course, there came drama, too. And Yuna found it exhilarating.

If someone called her out on something, all she had to do was come up with some sob story about how she didn't deserve to hear that, and everyone would come with pitchforks to defend her. She was very calculative in that way, knowing exactly when and how to turn the tide if it wasn't in her favor.

For some reason, that never seemed to work with her parents.

"You're a disappointment," her father spat at her the day she showed him her Yale acceptance letter. She had sparkles in her eyes and a bright smile all day, only for her to feel completely crushed. She couldn't understand why; it was her father's dream for her to get into Yale, after all. "This is the only acceptance letter you've got, huh?"

Yuna hesitated. The competition for all of the Ivy League schools was rough this year; she had been getting rejections left and right, but she thought her family would be satisfied with Yale. After all, it was her father's alma mater.

"Yeah," she answered in a small voice. She looked down at her acrylic-damaged nails, neglected from years of biting the skin until they bled. "I thought you'd be happy with Yale."

"Happy?" Mr. Shin barked out a laugh. "You didn't actually get into Yale on your own, you know that, right?" He scoffed when Yuna gave him a confused look. Then, Mr. Shin slammed his phone against the dinner table, causing his wife and daughter to flinch. "Five hundred thousand. I paid five hundred thousand to get you in. Mr. Nakamura only paid two to get Kazuha in, but I had to pay five. That's how useless you are."

"Sunoo? You know my old boss's son?" he would provoke her for the rest of dinner. "He got in all by himself. You know Hyejin's son—Anton—he got into Yale and Brown on his own, too."

"You need to work hard, Yuna," Mrs. Shin said before stabbing at her salad. "Your dad could only get you in as an undeclared major. You need to get into pre-med on your own."

Tears prickled her eyes, but she stayed silent. Even her college acceptance was a fraud; she had done nothing out of her own hard work.

Except her skyrocketing career as an influencer.

The high of her fame only lasted a short while, though. During the summer before her freshman year of college, Yuna's parents discovered what she had been getting up to on the internet.

Shameful, they called it, as if Yuna was committing a crime.

Yuna's parents were surgeons, and rather good ones at that. They both got their undergraduate degrees at Stanford, and then their doctorates at Harvard. The two of them became neurosurgeons after their residency and board exams, and then transferred to Mercy Health where Mr. Shin became the Chair of Neurological Surgery, which set the bar a little high for Yuna.

She was never spectacular. She was always more interested in makeup and clothes instead of science and medicine. Yuna would've rather worked toward a career as a fashion designer, often dreaming about fashion shows she could design for. She knew she would make it far, too—even Donatella Versace told her backstage during Paris Fashion Week that she had an eye for fashion, and that she could go far.

The few times she visited your house, she remembered meeting your mom, a well-known fashion designer herself, and showing off her sketches. Yuna distinctly recalled her words of approval, and she had to bite her tongue whenever your mom would offer to take Yuna on a tour of her studio, only for her parents to turn down the offer.

Her parents were so adamant about Yuna following their path to becoming a surgeon that they threw away all of her sketchbooks and colored pencils when she showed them her work. Even when she got the opportunity of a lifetime to be taken under Vivienne Westwood's wing, her parents crushed her dreams under their heels.

From a young age, she knew that hard work was only determined by her parents. Her true efforts were simply considered a waste of time.

Naturally, Yuna let out all her emotions when she live-streamed. It just so happened that her parents found out through the families of people who knew her. First, she would be grounded. When that wouldn't work, she would get all of her devices taken away. When she found a loophole around that, she would have to endure her father's rage.

Halfway through her first year at Yale, her parents disowned her.

She was on academic probation after her first semester. While she was trying to file a restraining order against someone who was stalking her (who claimed to be a fan), her grades managed to slip until she failed most of her classes. The worst part was, she had been expecting her parents to worry about the stalking incident, but they only cared about her GPA. Casting Yuna away was just protecting the Shin family's shiny status.

Everything was gone. Yuna was no longer part of the world you and Sunoo lived in. All her connections to the medical field, all her connections to the fashion industry—all out of her grasp. Still, maybe it was her flickering hope to somehow please her parents that kept her on the path to become a doctor. Not that it something she was genuinely interested in, but she knew it was the only way her parents would take her back.

Now she had to keep up her influencer career to support herself financially. There was no way she would be able to pay off tuition, even if Sunoo had generously paid the deposit for her small apartment. She had to keep up with bills, rent, and utilities all at once, and it was all too much for an eighteen-year-old to handle.

She got used to accepting help because of that. You helped foot some of her bills, Sunoo helped with tuition, Anton helped make sure she was eating, and the money she got from streaming and posting videos was enough to cover the rest of her expenses.

Even with an outlet to express her concerns to her fans, though, Yuna was struggling with barely making friends. You, Sunoo, and Anton were the only ones who lent a shoulder and an ear for her to dump all her pain and worries to. But she still had to hold them at arm's length. After all, all of their upper-crust families were in close contact with each other.

And then there was Lee Heeseung.

He was a new face in the socialite scene. No one had heard of him or his family before. Heeseung was probably Yuna's ideal type—handsome, intelligent, popular, and someone who hadn't been sucked into her world yet. Although he was alledgedly close to you and Park Sunghoon, no one else had any idea of what his family did.

Over the years, Yuna was terrified that she had built a reputation among the rich families that were in her circle. She could feel the disdain in their eyes when she was at social events, steering clear of every adult that looked as though they wanted to probe her for information about her college admissions.

Heeseung, however, was like a breath of fresh air. There was no judgment in his eyes when Yuna spoke to him, and that might have been the very moment she fell for him.

He was different. He didn't have any expectations of her nor did he feel uncomfortable when he found out she was a streamer. She liked that he came from a humble background, and he never judged her from where she came from. Even when Yuna confessed that she had been disowned, Heeseung never looked at her with pity in his eyes. He simply told her that he would be there if she ever needed him, and he left it at that.

She tried her best to get close to him, but the closer Yuna got, the more she saw under the surface—the more she realized she was heading toward heartbreak. It was clear as day that Heeseung was deeply in love with you, and it seemed as though he had no intention of considering any other woman. Even Yuna could tell he would give up everything in a heartbeat for your sake.

Yuna did her best to avoid conversations about Heeseung with you. She figured that if they never brought him up, then you wouldn't start to feel differently about him.

To her relief, you started dating Park Sunghoon.

Yuna used Heeseung's vulnerability to her advantage. As much as she liked him, he was a coward when it came to his own feelings; Heeseung could only bring himself to come clean about how he felt for you after you started dating another man. Of course, he was turned down—ignored, even. In your mind, you just wanted to keep up the fantasy of having a close childhood friend to the point where you had Heeseung bottle up everything he felt.

Yuna thought you were cruel back then, but she was even more so.

She knew that Heeseung couldn't do anything about his feelings no matter how much it ate at him, so Yuna pretended she wanted to listen to him go on and on about how miserable he was. It was all because of you, and, for a period of time, Yuna despised you for it.

Months rolled by, and Yuna found herself going over to Heeseung's dorm room nearly every day. They talked about anything and everything, and then the conversation would eventually shift to you. Yuna felt something chip at her heart every time he mentioned your name, but she braved through it all.

"Thanks for coming over," Heeseung murmured, running a hand through his already-messy hair. Yuna could smell the alcohol on his breath when she sat down next to him on the floor. Heeseung laughed. "One-month anniversary. Y/N always told me she found those stupid."

Yuna pressed her lips into a thin line. She remembered walking to class with you last week and hearing you gush about everything you bought Sunghoon for your one-month anniversary as a couple. She thought it was sweet back then, but hearing it come from Heeseung made Yuna feel sick.

"You don't have to thank me," she said, hugging her knees to her chest. "I just wanted to be here for you."

The first time she tried to kiss Heeseung was that night.

The first time Heeseung rejected her was right after he stopped her.

"I can't," he said at the time, drawing away from her. "I'm sorry, it's just—"

"You're not over Y/N," she finished for him with a twinge of bitterness.

He shook his head, saying nothing. Yuna felt a surge of misdirected anger.

Yuna knew from the moment she met you that people like you were the shiny gold coins that everyone wanted to have, and people like her were rusted-over pennies on the sidewalk to be stepped on and forgotten. She was a fool to think that Heeseung would see past that.

"I know that." Her tone was sharp as she got to her feet, and Heeseung followed suit right after. "But I suggest you get over her soon because it's not gonna happen."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said. Y/N would never go out with you. She already turned you down, anyway."

"Is that so?"

When Yuna turned around to look at Heeseung, his expression was like stone. Something ugly was twisting its way around her heart, squeezing out every semblance of affection she ever had for you.

"Yeah," she replied with a simpering smile, "because she's just too nice to choose the guy who broke her friend's heart."

"Broke—?"

"And," she said louder, cutting him off, "Sunghoon doesn't know, does he? Wouldn't he feel really betrayed if he found out?"

Heeseung kept his face impassive, but Yuna could tell he was seething. She cornered him quite well.

She kept that farce up for years. It was easy keeping Heeseung in line when you only had eyes for Sunghoon, and Heeseung was just so easily discouraged by Yuna's words. It was almost like he had no hope that you would take his word over hers, and that sent Yuna on some sort of power trip.

Her relationship with you was strange. Maybe it was at that moment when she realized that she was someone important to you, and that made her feel invincible somehow. She could do anything as long as you were on her side.

She liked drinking. Not because she particularly liked the taste of alcohol, but she loved the feeling of forgetting all her responsibilities. Every rotten memory of her parents would bury itself under the sand for the time being, and all she could feel was adrenaline pumping through her blood.

But she was never exactly in control. It only took a year to slip up in front of her friend group (thankfully when you weren't around), so she begged Karina, Yeonjun, and Giselle to keep quiet about her crush on Heeseung. They weren't even extremely close at the time, but they knew better than to tread on a situation between you and Sunghoon, whose parents were far more influential than theirs.

"It's only gonna cause more problems if she finds out," Yuna told them through choked sobs. "If Y/N finds out, things will never be the same between us, and Sunghoon doesn't even know that Heeseung has feelings for Y/N." As Giselle stroked her hair gently, Yuna said, "I can get over him on my own. Just please keep this from Y/N."

Karina and Yeonjun exchanged nervous looks before they reluctantly agreed. She had always been wary about Karina. Giselle was overly-empathetic to her situation, Yeonjun was a good listener because he thrived off of drama, but Karina had always seemed more skeptical.

And, as Heeseung knew, Yuna always found a way to silence people who she felt she couldn't trust, so she played dumb when she outed Karina on live.

It was a stupid move on her part, to be fair. Yuna deeply regretted it as soon as she realized what she said. Karina iced her out for months, and everyone else was on the colder side—even Sunoo, who had been her close friend for so long. She always felt strangely jealous of Sunoo, who got the approval of her father when she couldn't, but seeing him give her the cold shoulder nearly sent her over the edge.

"I apologized so many times!" she cried to him. Sunoo kept his guard up, but he always heard her out when she needed him. "I just don't know what else to do. I keep fucking up."

Sunoo frowned. "Do you even feel bad about what you did, or do you feel bad because you were caught?"

Yuna didn't respond to his question, but she knew exactly what the answer was. Was she pathetic? Probably.

She ruined everything. She always ruined everything.

Maybe it was just easier that way. Yuna knew that if she tried her best to please everyone, it would still never be enough. Hurting them before she cared too much was just a defense mechanism, as selfish as it sounded. If you chopped down the tree before it grew too tall, it wouldn't hinder the plants under its shade from growing.

The thing was, Yuna received blow after blow all her life without any acts of mercy. She was struck over and over again, and no one delivered the final coup de grâce.

Naturally, Karina came around and forgave her. Another missed blow. It was like Yuna was drunk off the drama itself because if she kept acting out and causing all these problems, then she could keep everyone's attention on her.

And then she wouldn't have to be so alone.

But the cycle went on and on, so when Yuna found herself texting Jay and Sunghoon in her drunken stupor, she hardly considered the consequences when she mentioned the long-kept secret of Heeseung's first love. You trusted her to keep your conversation with Jay about breaking up with Sunghoon to herself, but she violated that as soon as she could, too. She wasn't sure what it was, but whenever she looked in the mirror, all she saw was that she was as bad as her parents.

Yuna was fated to fall into the same destructive cycle over and over again until it stabbed her in the back for good. Until she bled out, though, everything was fair game.

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SUMMARY ▸ private investigator jay park just wants to complete his mission quietly and move on with his life. you, his new assignment who keeps consuming his thoughts, don't make that very easy for him.

TAG LIST ▸ @zdgx1 @smouches @heesdazed @teawithbucky @leep0ems @peachpie4you @niniissus @kgneptun @jaeyunluvr @hooniesuniverse @zerasari @enhalov @sophiko22 @iselltulips @hoondiors @baekhyunstruly @jays-property @woninluv @heerinnie @fakeuwus @yizhoutv @en-happiness @theothernads @y4wnjunz @dammit-jjk @en-happiness @mari-oclock @enhypens-baby @soonyoungblr @jakeslvt @taetaenic @jebetwo @fairysungx @hsgwrld @shmooooo @ineedsomezzz @mrowwww @enha-stars @isawritesss @seongclb @lockburn-castle @alyssajavenss @enczen @calumsfringe @w3bqrl @luvyev @uhsakusa @luvnicho @wildflowermooon @navsnct

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honeygrahambitch · 6 months ago

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One for sorrow, two for joy

Plot: Will and Hannibal are having a difficult but very needed conversation the day before the birth of their surrogate child.

"Hello." Will said as he sat next to Hannibal on the porch of their house. The sun was casting its final rays before completely hiding before the mountains. "Just so you know, we are not the worst parents on earth because we don't have a name for our kid. I've read many stories where parents just knew exactly when they saw their baby for the first time. And that will be our case as well."

Hannibal had been out there sitting on his own for most of the day, which was exactly why Will had decided to join him with two glasses of white wine. Hannibal accepted his in silence. He didn't say anything to Will's encouraging words.

Will looked properly at his face only when he heard a sniff followed by a deep sigh, filled with sorrow.

He freaked out for a split second, seeing the tears run down his cheeks, knowing it was a rare sight.

"Do you know when we will be the worst parents?" Will asked, guiding Hannibal's head to rest on his shoulder. "When we won't like her first boyfriend. Or her second. Or third. Fuck it, none of them will be good enough. Or when we will say "no" when she will want to go to a promiscuous party. But I promise that when we meet her tomorrow, we will just know exactly what to call her."

Hannibal let out another sniff and Will could actually feel his tears on his shirt. "I thought I knew what name would be perfect for her." He said eventually.

"And I told you I'm down with calling her Mischa if that's what you feel." He replied softly as he let his own head rest on Hannibal's.

"After doing some self-reflection, I realized I don't want that for her. She shouldn't carry my regrets." He said, his gaze following a magpie trying to build a nest in the pine tree which was shading their house. "Every time I would look at her, I would think of my sister." Hannibal said as he let out a soft sob. "I want her to be her own person, not to grow up in the shade of someone else who already carries so much weight."

"What else is on your mind?" Will asked empathetically after a few seconds.

"During the last years I knew that if we had a daughter I would definitely name her Mischa. I figured I would do that only to give myself the delusion of having her next to me again." Hannibal said. "Or maybe I need some sort of closure that I won't get. Truth is, I need to let her go. It's been too long."

"You know, you don't have to let her go. She is not here but she is still your sister. And she will always be. You don't need a physical reminder to get your closure. And we will make sure our daughter knows about her."

Hannibal let out another sob as he buried his face in Will's shoulder.

"There are days when I feel haunted by my own regrets." Hannibal whispered. Will knew. He had learnt to read his every expression and gesture in time.

"I also feel haunted oftentimes. But then you say something stupid like "Will, have you missplaced the corkskrew again?" And all my ghosts are gone."

Hannibal laughed bitterly for the first time that evening.

"I'm sorry, your own nerves must be wrecked as well because of tomorrow." Hannibal said as he lifted his head off Will's shoulder and wiped his tears.

"Pretty wrecked. But seeing my husband weeping tears on the porch is a rare sight. Poetic in fact."

"I'm envious of you." Hannibal said, finally taking a sip from his glass. "You're managing your emotions better than I do."

"Am I? I woke up at 5 and took apart the washing machine piece by piece because yesterday it made a subtle but weird sound. By noon it was in one piece again. Then I reorganized my lures. Then I reorganized all your spices."

"Pardon?" Hannibal asked as he suddenly turned his head towards Will.

"I was surprised you haven't noticed me spending an unusual amount of time in the kitchen, sitting on the counter and labeling spices. Some of them I had no idea what they were so I drew a question mark instead."

"I..." Hannibal started but didn't know what to say, amused by Will's coping methods. "You didn't touch my suits, did you?"

"No, I am not a psychopath. I did want to organize your ties based on warm and color tones. But I decided I wanted to be alive by tomorrow."

Will clinked his glass against Hannibal's and this time, he was the one to rest his head on his shoulder.

"And we are supposed to raise a child." Hannibal said as a conclusion. "Sorry I avoided you the whole day. I was completely unaware you took the whole house apart. You must have had a lot on your mind."

"It's not like you were doing better. But this" Will said gesturing to where they were sitting"-is a lot better than labeling your spices."

"I agree."

The sun was completely gone, a purple shade coloring the horizon. The lonely magpie was soon joined by a second one, who was carrying some straws as well, probably helping with the nest.

#hannibal #hannigram #hannibal lecter #will graham #hannibal nbc #hannibal series #hannibal fanfiction

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moreespressoformydepresso · 8 months ago

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TBOSAS where the thing that fixes the pain and suffering is the Capitol’s cruelty. Because I love positive irony like that.

Somehow, the zoo enclosure where the kids are kept is destroyed. Since it’s so unbearably hot in the books say something caught on fire and the tributes were taken out of the enclosure because there won’t be any games if all of them are dead. This conveniently sidesteps Brandy’s death because it happens either just before or right after she stabbed Arachne. If she did kill her bitch of a mentor the fire was so beautifully times that all evidence of her little crime was destroyed and nobody knows it was her. How convenient. One could almost say it’s divine intervention. Now, the kids need to be kept somewhere, and the zoo was sooooo annoying for the mentors, so the tributes are put in cages around the city. Near the academy so those poor oppressed rich kids who aren’t about to die don’t have to suffer even more for traveling 10 minutes to see the vile district scum. This… backfires horribly for the Capitol. See, the tributes are separated. For the sake of this story they’re all in separate cages on their own.

How does this lead to a fix-it? Well, it’s now much harder to not interact with the tributes. You don’t have to go to the zoo to see them, and you won’t have to pay money either. The tributes can’t hide in the enclosure, so everyone can see the discomfort plain on their faces as they try to cling to some kind of privacy. The cages have one side agains some kind of structure, so seeing these kids ducked agains the one solid part of their cage is very hard hitting because it’s impossible to ignore what they’re going through now. Even the biggest tributes look small, all alone and helpless.

And then the mentors get involved, and things really kick into high gear. All the tributes like Sejanus, and at first people thought it’s because he’s district. Now they can see it’s because he’s actually nice to them. The nicer mentors are trying their best to help their tributes, and the less amazing ones receive a bit of a cold shoulder. Several fights between different pairs of mentors and tributes happen, and all of them color in the kids’ perspective of everything in a way that’s undeniable. I feel like a big part of why the Capitol citizens had so little empathy is because they refused to see things from the tributes’ perspective due to not seeing them as people. But when massive crowds witness these arguments, it’s hard not to. When all you see is a figure deep in the enclosure and a face on a screen it’s easy to chalk their anger up to some irrational grudge or just vile beasts being their vile beastly selves without thinking about it too much. It’s a lot harder to do that when you have Facet screaming at Livia for treating him like a disposable object and shirking all her duties as a mentor, such as providing his basic needs, while pretending she’s done jack shit for him. When the citizens hear the raw emotion in his voice, it’s very difficult to not feel even the slightest bit of empathy.

And when they watched Lamina cry on a screen, it was easy to laugh at her for being so weak. But when this young girl is sobbing right in front of you, and you can see the pain on her face? Suddenly it’s a whole lot less funny. Even more so when she calls Pup over and ignores the food he offers her in favor of asking about her district partner. The crowd can’t ignore what they’re putting these kids through when they watch a clearly starving girl only accept food when she’s reassured a boy that has to die for her to live is being fed. When Lucy Gray sings for food it feels like the beggars in the city until she asks her mentor to bring more than half of what she got to Jessup and whichever tributes have gotten the least that day. And when all the tributes keep asking about each other with clear and obvious worry, even for the tributes from other districts who they’ve only known for days, suddenly the people find themselves stuck with the unescapable notion that these are kids who are being forced to perform like circus animals, who are about to be forced to kill each other, yet still find it in themselves to show empathy. It’s especially inescapable when the tough, strong tributes who everyone expects to be vicious are the ones doing this. Reaper and Coral for Dill and Mizzen, of course, but even more impactfully Marcus for Sabyn. Two of the stronger tributes showing concern for one another, despite neither having that underdog or innocent air the younger tributes have.

At one point, Treech is performing for a crowd and some of the mentors pass by, including Vipsania. As soon as they approach he stops what he’s doing and retreats to the one solid side of his cage. Vipsania calls for him, and he utterly ignores her existence. All he dignifies her with is a hateful glare. Then Pup comes into his line of sight, and he shoots up immediately to ask whether Lamina’s okay. It’s only when Vipsania gets huffy about this that Treech actually acknowledged and responds to her. Not nicely though. Rather, he goes “now why ever would I not want to talk to you? It’s not like you starved me so I’d perform or anything. Gosh, it’s such a mystery!” Before turning back around intending to sit down. Vipsania tries to defend herself and it goes about as well as you may expect. By which I mean, a one-sided screaming match ensues. More like Treech giving into the urge to start ranting and raving about all the shit he’s been through while finally telling Vipsania how he feels about her treating him like a toy to use and discard once he’s no longer of use to her. When she says she just wants to help him now, he reminds her that her “help” so far has come down to actively making his life harder for her own benefit. “You’ve done enough, Sickle. Go back to your prissy princess palace and leave me alone.” Very similar to Facet when he finally gave Cardew a piece of his mind, actually.

And slowly people start giving the tributes food, even when they’re not performing. Slowly they start to change their minds about the games, and once the interviews happen they finally realize all these kids have families and friends waiting for them in the districts. And only one of them gets to go home. But… they’ve seen how sweet these kids are to those that don’t treat them like shit. And honestly, nobody really wants to see them die anymore. And they realize if they don’t act now it’ll be too late. So they act. And long story short the games are finally stopped for good.

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mysteryshoptls · 2 years ago

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SSR Malleus Draconia Dorm Uniform Personal Story: Part 1

"Briar Valley's own."

Part 1 (Part 2) (Part 3)

[Mirror Chamber]

Crowley: Now, the Dorm Leader meeting will come to order.

Crowley: Today's agenda begins with…

Lilia: Apologies! I'm terribly late!

Crowley: AAAH!!!!

Crowley: V-Vanrouge-kun… When did you slip into the Mirror Chamber? Don't startle me so!

Lilia: Ah, thousand pardons. It's only, Malleus has disappeared.

Lilia: While Silver and Sebek are currently out searching for him, for the time being, I will attend the meeting in his stead as the Vice Dorm Leader.

Crowley: Eh? …AH!

Crowley: NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT... DRACONIA-KUN ISN'T HERE!!

Lilia: …Did you all forget? About poor Malleus?

Kalim: S-Sorry… I totally thought someone else would let him know.

Leona: Hah. I ain't his babysitter, and why should we have to go so far as to say, "Oh, Malleus-kun, let's go to the meeting together."

Vil: You know, I've been thinking ever since I became a Dorm Leader this year…

Vil: Malleus isn't ever at these meetings, is he?

Idia: Yeah! I want to know about that too.

Idia: Even I'm forcing myself here remotely, even though I def don't wanna be here.

Idia: IT'S NOT FAIR THAT MALLEUS-SHI GETS TO SKIP ALL THE TIME! OBJECTION!

Azul: Indeed, these slights against us does not foster a good feeling.

Azul: He is continuously absent. On occasions where he actually does attend, he is constantly tardy. I can only assume that he thinks very little of this meeting.

Lilia: Malleus has no such intention. I know he must be hoping to participate in these meetings with you all.

Vil: All this lip service means nothing so long as no results follow.

Vil: Leona, Riddle. You must have indulged him a considerable amount last year to allow Malleus's despotic behavior to continue like this.

Leona: Us, indulge him? …You can say that because you don't know how much I had to deal with last year.

Riddle: Leona-senpai just dictated, but I was the one who really had to handle everything.

Riddle: In the beginning, the Dorm Leaders last year attempted to enact many a plan in order to have Malleus-senpai attend the meeting.

Riddle: We would send him several reminders via email, send physical letters, and even went directly to his dormitory…

Idia: Aaand how'd that go?

Leona: A total failure. That bastard doesn't check his email, and that bat over there kept losing the letters.

Leona: When we went to the dorm, those zealous draconians'd be on alert and wouldn't let anyone in.

Leona: It's the biggest pain I've ever had to deal with. Why does everyone else have to run around for him, instead of him workin' on it?

Riddle: Like I said earlier, the one running around was me… Ahem. Anyway, we did all we could.

Riddle: Everything else is up to Malleus-senpai.

Azul: So, essentially…The two of you gave up on Malleus-san.

Vil: Even Leona the slacker gets dragged here by Ruggie, and Idia the shut-in participates by way of his technology.

Vil: Do you truly believe it is appropriate that Malleus is constantly absent for these meetings in which we discuss important decisions for the school?

Vil: Perhaps it was acceptable up until now. However, I do not approve of his negligence.

Crowley: Hmm. It rather feels as though it will be difficult to continue this meeting amidst this uncomfortable climate…

Crowley: Vanrouge-kun, could we have you contact Draconia-kun and have him come here right away?

Lilia: I would love nothing more, but…

[beep!]

Smartphone Voice Assistant: The number you have dialed is either in a non-service area, or is not turned on, and therefore your call cannot be connected.

[beep!]

Lilia: …No matter how many times I call, I still cannot get through. It was working last night, though.

Lilia: It's most likely that he broke his phone today.

Crowley: Well, it can't be helped. I suppose we should all go out and search for him.

Leona: Hah? Why should we? He ain't a lost kid. Don't baby him.

Lilia: Sob, sob… What unfriendly folk…

Kalim: Hrrrm, if there was something I could do, I'd like to help out…

Azul: Kalim-san, this is not an issue that can be solved by simply "helping out."

Azul: Do we intend on starting every meeting with a search for Malleus-san? He must learn to better himself.

Lilia: Tch. Crocodile tears didn't work, huh…

Vil: There is no way that such a terrible performance would successfully deceive us. It seems both the Dorm Leader and Vice Dorm Leader both are just fooling around.

Leona: Kukuku. Maybe that guy's the least suited to be a Dorm Leader outta all of us, ey?

Idia: Is that kinda boss really gonna be ok? Makes me sooo worried for the future of Briar Valley.

Lilia: Hmph… What a thing to say towards the heir of the Draconia family.

Lilia: …Malleus's reputation will be tarnished at this rate.

Lilia: I understand. Malleus will attend the next meeting, I swear it.

Part 1 (Part 2) (Part 3)

Requested by @x0-luna-mix-0x, @sakurakudo, and @symphonyprincessuta

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shiorimakibawrites · 8 months ago

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Idea: A Fragile Thing (Daredevil)

Brainstorming notes - Thoughts, comments, suggestions and other feedback are welcome.

Warning: Spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame - Temporary Character Death - Pregnancy Fic - Kid Fic - Grief - Eventual Happy Ending

A Fragile Thing

Matt Murdock / Daredevil x Reader

Title Inspiration: Hope can be a fragile thing seems to be a general phrase, not a specific author.

Possible Ch. Titles –

You are married to Matt Murdock / Daredevil.

You haven’t been feeling very well lately – very tired, achy, nauseous and vomiting, odd or increased sensitivity to smells . . . you are pretty sure that you have the flu but Matt (the hypocrite) wants you to go to the doctor.

But WORK is very busy and the last thing you want to spent your energy and limited time on, is going to the doctor.

(1) Compromise by promising to talk to Claire. Who agrees that it could be flu but also asks if you are sure that you aren’t pregnant.

(2) Makes the appointment because you know that look, Matt was not going to let this go.

(3) Combination where on Claire’s suggestion, you take a home pregnancy test but go to your doctor for confirmation.

Either on, on the day you were sure, you go home to tell Matt but before you can tell him that he is going to be a father, the Snap happens. Matt turns to dust.

Neither Karen or Foggy were dusted.

Rest of the story is trying to get through your pregnancy and raise your daughter Hope without your husband.

You name her “Hope” as reflection of that your hopes that Matt wasn’t gone forever, that one day Matt would get to meet his child . . . and little Hope wouldn’t just know her father only from stories and pictures.

The sheer unnaturalness of Matt’s ‘death’ makes it very difficult to accept as permanent – it feels more like he’s missing rather than dead.

You want to believe that you’ll get Matt back but it gets harder and harder with each passing year.

You understand that some encouraging you to move on are just trying to help but particularly if they don’t lose very much, part of you just wants to punch those people. Hard.

Maybe the only person whose sympathy doesn’t feel like pity or seems best understand your combination of anger and helpless from watching your husband disappear in front of your eyes is Frank. Absolutely no romantic feelings for Frank – your relationship is entirely platonic. He’s like the big brother you never had.

You love Hope fiercely but she reminds you so much of Matt and you can’t stay that it doesn’t hurt.

Maybe as part of your attempts to maintain hope, you make a memory box for Matt. Like maybe a recording on Hope’s heartbeat during your pregnancy, swatches from her favorite clothes, molds of the her little hands and feet – you take pictures too and write things down so when (if) Matt comes back, you can give him as much as that missing time as possible.

When Matt comes back, he is very confused. One minute, he was hearing people start to panic – then he suddenly feels weak and ill – he fell to his knees – the last thing he heard was your pained, terrified voice saying ‘no, no, Matt, please . . .’. The next, he’s standing in his living room – feeling fine – hearing the city erupting into chaos – you are clinging to him sobbing – there is a little girl calling you ‘Mommy’ he doesn’t know in the apartment . . .

Maybe as the happy ending, about nine months after Matt’s return, you and Matt have another daughter named Joy.

#fan fic ideas #upcoming fics #daredevil #mcu daredevil #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #pregnancy fic #angst #the snap

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prettyiwa · 2 years ago

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I do not authorize the translation or reposting of my work anywhere. Do not mention me or my work on Tik-Tok.

Relationship: Edward Elric x F!Reader Content Warnings: Post-Story Events, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, PTSD, Angst to Fluff, Aged-Up Edward Elric Summary: Years after the events that took place in Central, Ed still struggles with nightmares. Word Count: 1,300

A/N: I had taken this down from Tumblr and left it up on AO3. Since I've made my works only accessible to registered AO3 users in the past week, I thought I would repost it here as it started as a tumblr request.

Four years later and it still affects him as though it were yesterday. The mounting anxiety and anticipation in the week leading up to it, the concern he held for Al, the frustration he felt at seeing Hohenheim一at first, anyway一working alongside Scar and the chimeras. Some parts are a blur, like how they got into the underground tunnel or the way they had to fight those mannequins, but others? Others are ingrained so deeply in the folds of his brain that, when he closes his eyes, he can still see it, still feel it.

Like no time has passed.

But it has passed. It’s passed marvelously. Al is visiting Mei in Xing right now, whole and in the body he had been deprived of for so long. Winry and Granny are in Resembool, happy and healthy with increased business thanks to Winry’s time in Rush Valley. And now he has you.

Constant. Patient. Brilliant and luminous, just as your paintings.

Each time he finds himself reliving that day, you are here to remind him of the present. Each time he wakes from a nightmare, you’re right beside him, content to hold him to you or to nestle closer in his arms. You’re here.

But this dream is so vivid, so real, it muddles the line of distinction, making it difficult to discern dream from reality. He calls it a dream一a persistent, desperate hope more than anything一but he can’t quite tell.

His heart thunders in his chest, rewatching the familiar scene in horror一Mei sobbing over what remains of Al’s armored body, too destroyed for Ed to do anything; the rebar pierced through his left arm while his right is achingly malnourished, disgustingly weak; the acrid smell of smoke that fills the air, mixing with the dust raised from the destroyed buildings.

Everything is too familiar, but it makes it easier to go through the motions, to do what needs to be done, to end this fight. Because he does. He knows he does. He knows what it’s like to see Al in his body again. He knows that day is coming where you walk into his life and irrevocably alter it.

Except that, when the time comes to make the trade for Al, he can’t quite remember what he trades. He knows that this is a problem that he’s already solved, but the answer is sitting at the back of his throat, just out of reach.

In that moment of hesitation where his mind blanks, he hears the sardonic laugh that’s taunted him in nightmares for longer than he cares to admit and two things happen.

The first is that Al stands before him, completely healthy, unlike his appearance on that day. He wears a look of concern, confusion, eyes not meeting Ed’s, instead focused on something just behind him.

The second is the scream, terrified and in immense pain. He knows the voice, even if he’s never heard the sound.

He seems to freeze in place, unable to turn and look at you, unable to accept that you’re somewhere you’re not supposed to be, that you’re hurt, that something is very, very wrong. It’s the way Al calls out your name, pushes past him to get to you that snaps him out of it, that makes him turn around.

The air surrounding you is purple as metaphysical hands pull at you, unraveling you, mirroring the scene from years ago. Your eyes find his as you reach out, pleading for him to help you, to make the pain stop, to save you.

It’s the breaking of his heart as your hand falls into his just before you’re gone, the aching of his soul at your absence. It’s the immeasurable pain that wakes him, that finally allows for his consciousness to win out, to pull him back to reality where you’re okay and here and 一

You’re not.

You’re not here.

The sheets cling to him, weighing him down as he jolts up, as he tries to force his eyes to adjust to the darkness in an attempt to find you. Outside of the warmth on your side of the bed一which isn’t comforting given how the summer heat is making everything so damn warm一there’s no indication that you were here.

His throat seems to close and it becomes impossible to breathe, to think. Just as in his dream一at least, he’s desperately hoping it was a dream一his heart is pounding, the sound of his blood pumping the only thing he can hear.

Maybe… maybe you stepped out? You like the heat just as much as he does, and, according to you, he’s a furnace when asleep. That’s a very real possibility. Or maybe you went to the restroom and are about to come back?

Whatever it is, wherever you’ve gone, he feels the nerves building up within him, the need to find you, to ensure that you’re safe and whole. He needs to be proactive, can’t afford to wait. He’s never been good at waiting, at sitting still, even less when the people he loves are at risk.

Potentially.

Assuming that you’re in danger. Which you’re not. You can’t be. There is no danger to be had, not anymore. Right?

Stumbling out of bed, he makes his way out of the room, scanning it once more before opening the door. The bathroom door is open, revealing a dark, empty room devoid of you. He releases a shaky breath and turns to check outside before he hears a faint click! and is faced with his diffused shadow, illuminated by the kitchen light that’s now on just down the hall.

“Ed? What are you doing up?”

Swiveling, he finds you illuminated by that same light, almost creating a glowing halo around your being. You’re leaning against the entryway to the kitchen, tired eyes taking in his appearance. Before he can truly process it, he’s stepping forward, wrapping his left arm around your waist as his right hand cradles the back of your head, pulling you to him, letting him crush you against him.

A puff of air escapes you, surprised by his reaction, but you’re quick to wrap your arms around his middle, quick to offer some kind of relief. His hold on you tightens and you seem to understand his unspoken need for reassurance, for the harsh reminder that you’re here. Mimicking the strength with which he holds you, you press him to you, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

“Wanna talk about it?” you mumble into his skin.

“No—not right now.”

A small nod is all he gets in response and you’re in no hurry to be let go. You wait, as you always do, allowing him to calm down as you hum a nonsensical little melody for him. When his grip starts to loosen, you explain.

“I woke up because it’s hot. I thought you might want a glass of water when you wake, so I came to the kitchen to get it. ‘M sorry, love.”

“Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that you di— disappeared in my dream. I panicked,” he replies, unable to even admit that in his dream, you died. It doesn’t matter now, anyway. Not really.

“Oh. Well, I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” It’s a promise, one he’s heard many times before. “The truth is that you’re stuck with me, Ed.” You press a kiss to his cheek, releasing him to grab the aforementioned glass of water. Offering it, he drinks the water, remembering the conversation you once had about how water helps with panic attacks.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” It’s his truth, the one that harmonizes with yours.

Please reblog this fic if you enjoyed it!

#fullmetal alchemist x reader #fma x reader #edward elric x reader #ed elric x reader #edward elric angst #edward elric fluff #fma request #✒.ix writes #✒.the truth that lingers #🦾.fma #fma.✒

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fortheloveoffanfic · 2 years ago

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The Holiday Arrangement

Andy Barber x Reader

Summary: When co-parenting during the holidays becomes difficult to navigate, Y/n brings a proposal to her ex-husband, Andy; spend Christmas together- for the sake of their daughter. Their already complicated arrangement becomes even more messy new memories dredge up buried feelings. Masterlists Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter Summary: A tough night brings Andy and Y/n closer. Andy starts makes some changes. Warning: Angst, mentions of SMUT

One week later Simultaneously, the day had been tiringly long and so short that Y/n had felt like she’d blinked and missed half of it. They’d started off with breakfast at a cafe that she and Andy had been going to since they started dating, then they'd gone to the Christmas village-as a family that time- and then, when they'd gotten home, they finally decorated the tree. By the time dinner had rolled around, everyone was too tired to sit at the table, so they'd piled onto the sofa, turned on a movie and had their food, which in retrospect, had not been the best idea with a five year old.

That was actually when she learned for the first time that a mustard stain on gray tweed was extremely noticeable.

After putting Grace to bed, Y/n had just started using some cleaning solutions and a handheld vacuum on it, while Andy had busied himself with the dishes when she’d come downstairs in tears again. The sixth time in almost two weeks. She’d been having the same nightmare- a monster coming after her with Y/n or Andy nowhere in sight, though it seemed like it was Andy’s absence in particular that had unnerved Grace. He was a hero in her mind, and it didn’t help that they’d always told her that her father’s job was to make sure that bad guys got ‘locked away’- to Grace, he was the designated monster fighter in their family, her very own ghostbuster.

Every time she had the dream, it got harder to get Grace back into bed and took longer for her to fall asleep. Y/n was also gathering the sense that Grace was beginning to dislike bedtime, equating sleep with her bad dream, she’d started finding excuses to postpone actually getting under the covers; she was thirsty, had to use the bathroom, wanted to hear another story or needed to kiss all her toys goodnight. At first, it was easy to let it slide, but that night had been the toughest- it had taken two hours to get her into the bed the first time and then she’d taken another three to fall asleep again. By the time she and Andy had left Grace’s room, it was two am and neither of them wanted Grace missing that much sleep.

While getting ready for bed herself, Y/n had started toying with the idea of having Grace see a child psychiatrist.

She knew what Andy’s response would be if she brought it up though; ‘she’s a kid and kids have bad dreams.’ Besides, Y/n thought she knew what the problem was anyway; it was no coincidence that the recurring nightmares had started just when Andy had temporarily moved back in. Grace, or some part of her, was scared that Andy would leave again because even if she did ordinarily spend three and a half days a week with him, it wasn’t the same as having him in the same house. And with that thought came another;

What if she was the monster?

It wasn’t a secret that Grace blamed her for Andy having to move out, and in a way, she was right. She’d given him the ultimatum; couples therapy or separation. She’d been the bitter one. She’d hired the first divorce lawyer. She’d given him the papers. It was all her fault.

Maybe if she’d just tried harder to work with him. Maybe if she’d been more forward about what the problem was. Maybe if she’d just waited it out until Grace was older.

Maybe if she’d accepted that he was who was and made love enough.

Each thought was like a wave breaking violently over the back of the last- and Y/n felt like she was under them all, drowning. Midway through pulling the duvet over herself, a hitched breath parted her lips, acting as the first inklings of an avalanche of sobs. She couldn’t even bring herself to reach over and turn off the lamp, much too occupied with clasping hand over her mouth to muffle her crying while the other hugged her pillow. She didn’t think she’d ever felt worse; she was ruining her daughter.

She didn’t think she’d been crying very loudly, but a soft knocking on her bedroom door followed by Andy’s concerned voice calling out to her was enough to prompt Y/n to fruitlessly double down on her efforts.

“Y/n?” Andy’s voice was clear after a creak signaled that he’d inched the door open a bit. “Are you okay?” He probed when she didn’t answer.

Sniffling, she tried to steady herself enough to respond. “I’m fine,” she managed, though the words were thick with emotion and just after she said them, another choked sob vacated her trembling lips.

Clearly unwilling to take her poor attempt at keeping it together for an answer, Andy came to sit on the bed. Like that, their backs were to each other, but he turned slightly to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder, “What’s wrong?” She could hear the worry laced in his tone and her guilt doubled upon realizing that she’d brought him into her pity party.

Still, she confided in him, possibly because he was still the person she trusted the most.

“I-” A shaking breath and bitter sob cut her off, and it took another moment and her finally sitting up for her to admit what she’d been thinking, “I’m a horrible mother.”

“What?” By the yellow glow of her bedside lamp, she could see the furrow of his brows and the way his jaw had slackened in surprise, “No, why would you say that?”

“Well I’m obviously the monster in her dreams,” saying it out loud made Y/n’s breath catch and the tears raining down her cheeks were hot and rapid.

Andy stuttered, obviously desperate to help but totally thrown for a loop by her peculiar admission, “I…..what?”

“The monster,” Y/n repeated with a new firmness, “In Grace’s dream a monster’s trying to get her and she wants you to save her but you’re not there. I’m the reason we’re divorced, I’m the reason you don’t live here anymore. I’m the reason we’re doing this,” ragged breaths punctuated her sentences and Y/n felt as immature as a child crying on the playground at recess, “I’m the reason everything is such a mess. Its my fault she misses you half the week-I’m the monster, Andy.”

“Hey,” Andy took her tears soaked face in his large hands, gently urging her to look his way, “You’re not the monster-”

“How do you know that?” She sniffled, still crying.

“How do you know that you are?” He quirked a brow and when her only response was a roll of her red rimmed eyes and a scoff, Andy continued. “Grace could never see you as something horrible and scary; you’re her mother and everything you’ve ever done for her has been out of love and care. She knows you’d never hurt her.”

“She blames me for you not being here-”

“Because she’s five and she’s angry. But that’s just for now, one day she’s gonna grow up and realize that you only did what you did because no one should stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy,” he paused for a moment, possibly in a short bout of self reflection, “You taught her one of….the most important lessons of her life,” because of him; he didn’t say it, but she could tell he was thinking it.

Her tears slowed and Y/n sniffled loudly and reached to hold Andy’s wrists, “How can you say that when you didn’t even want to get divorced?” There was no accusation in her tone, it was more so meant as an observation; how could he say she was right when he’d totally against her decision?

He shook one shoulder, “Just because I didn’t want it, doesn’t mean I deserved to have you in my life like that,” he glanced down at the patterned fabric between them, “I know that now, just like you know deep down that you’re not the monster.”

Shutting her eyes for a moment, Y/n slid her hands up his forearms, settling them on his firm biceps, “Can I tell you something?” She rasped, and Andy searched her eyes, wordlessly pressing her to continue, “I regret giving up on us.”

Andy didn’t respond immediately, and his long pause almost made her worry that he didn’t feel the same. Had she misread everything up until then? “Me too,” he relented, just as softly, “But I get why you had to,” he stroked her tear streaked cheek with the pad of his thumb.

“I should have accepted you for who you are,” she confessed remorsefully.

“I shouldn’t have been so comfortable with being that person,” Andy countered, “You were right to not settle for less than you deserved.”

“I was so mad at you all the time; you didn’t deserve that,” she shook her head, unconsciously leaning closer while he did the same.

“You were lonely,” when they were within a couple inches of each other’s faces, he admitted shamefully, “You deserve someone better. Someone who puts you first and makes you laugh……someone like Peter.”

Y/n knitted her brows, “I don’t want Peter. I want….” trailing off, she squeezed her eyes shut again, “I don’t know….”

“I want to be better,” their noses touched and she tilted her head a little, “I’m going to be better,” were his last words before they kissed. One of his hands slid past her ear to tangle in her hair while Y/n’s fingers crept further up his arms to clutch his broad shoulders. “We probably shouldn’t,” he murmured against her lips when Y/n urged him closer so their chests would be flush against each other.

Y/n hummed, “Don’t you want to?” Her hands started roaming again, that time reaching for the hem of his white t-shirt.

“Of course I do,” he kissed the side of her lips, before pulling away slightly to press his forehead to hers, “But you’re upset and I don’t want to take advantage-”

“You wouldn’t be,” Y/n protested, angling her head to catch his lips in another deep endearment, “I’ve missed you,” when she grabbed the hem of his t shirt again, Andy didn’t ward off her effort to start undressing him, and after she’d cast it to the side, he shifted to properly climb into bed with her.

As he positioned himself over her, Y/n pulled the covers over him, and before they continued, he cupped the side of her face with one hand, weight propped on his elbow as he reached for the switch on the lamp with the other, “I’ve missed you too.”

Later that week The kitchen looked as if a little tornado had siphoned all the baking ingredients out of the cupboards and fridge, only to spill them all over the counters. The sink was piled with dishes, more than she could even have recalled them using, but at least the kitchen smelt deliciously of cookies. A warmth from the oven, which she’d only turned off recently, added to the house's heating system, granting them a cozy warmth that served to make the afternoon a little more enjoyable.

In the living room, It's a Wonderful Life was on, but because no one was watching, the audio acted as background noise to their chatter and loud spells of laughter. “Bunny, no,” Y/n reprimanded with a giggle when Grace moved to scoop out a finger full of red icing to pop it into her mouth.

“Oh, come on,” Andy chuckled as Y/n guided Grace’s hand away from the bowl, “Let ‘er live a little,” he joked, taking some icing onto his own finger and slipping it into his mouth.

Shocked, but unable to hide her amusement, Y/n scoffed. “Fine,” she let Grace’s hand go, “Just once and you two have to wash your hands after,” she warned pointedly. Excitedly, Grace brought some of the icing to her mouth. When she'd thoroughly cleaned it off her finger, Andy lifted her from her perch on the marble counter and they both went over to the sink, washing off their hands as she continued decorating a Christmas tree shaped cookie.

When Andy was through, he walked him and Grace over to where he was standing, absently letting his hand skim her waist and then lower back as he moved by. It was intentional, she knew that much; there was more than enough room to pass by without them making physical contact, but things had been different since that night he'd come into her room. As he did it, she stole a glance his way, a faint, warm grin tugging at her lips when their eyes met. Grace hadn't noticed, thankfully but Y/n did think that she'd gathered that things had been shifted between her and Andy; she was a little more excitable than usual and had started requesting that they do everything together- playing, bathtime and bedtime.

Still, they'd both been very careful to not be outwardly affectionate towards each other, so they didn't confuse her.

Andy had just set Grace back down on the counter, that time closer to where Y/n was standing. “Can I have one?” She pointed to the tray of gingerbread cookies, already decorated with white icing, “Please?” Grace pouted.

“I don’t know Bunny,” surprisingly, it was Andy who’d been first to deter her- he was usually the one that gave in at a whim when she flashed him her puppy eyes. “You’ve already had a lot of sugar today, and its almost dinner time.”

Disappointed that he hadn’t permitted her, Grace turned to Y/n, “Please mommy.”

The hopeful look in her big, icy blue eyes was almost enough to have Y/n bending- how could she say no to such a sweet little face?

When she knew that cute face was attached to a body that wouldn’t finish her dinner if they let her have one more treat, was how.

“I think you’re daddy’s right, baby,” Y/n pressed her lips together when Grace frowned deeply, “Tell you what,” she set her piping bag down and wiped her hands off on her apron before reaching to tap the tip of Grace’s nose with her pointer, “You eat all your vegetables tonight, then you can have one.”

Grace considered her proposition for a moment, “Promise?”

“Promise,” Y/n confirmed.

“Okay, deal,” Grace nodded astutely, the firmness in her little voice making Y/n and Andy giggle.

Y/n was just going to say something else, when from his back pocket, Andy’s phone rang loudly. Setting down the dishtowel he’d been using to dry his hands, he reached for the shrilling device and cringed apologetically upon announcing that it was his boss again. At the mention of her name, Y/n’s heart dropped, but she tried to hide the fall in her expression, encouraging him to just take it. “Right, okay,” Andy too seemed a little disappointed, “This won’t take long,” he promised, swiping the screen.

Yeah, she’d heard that before.

Shaking her head, Y/n lowered her face and rolled her eyes as Andy stepped towards the living room, where she could still see him as he answered the call. In a bid to distract herself- and Grace- she reached for a big, round sugar cookie, a piping bag filled with white icing and a little bowl of sprinkles, suggesting that they decorate together.

She didn’t mean to, but as she covered the cookie in icing, Y/n found herself listening in to Andy’s phone conversation.

“Yeah, I get that its important but-”

Finishing with the icing, she set the cookie down on a little saucer so Grace could start covering it with colorful sprinkles.

“No, I don’t want Neal to take over- that’s my case and you know it.”

Reaching for another color icing, she started on another circular cookie, eyes shifting between her task and Grace, to make sure she wasn’t sneaking any sprinkles into her mouth all while still catching Andy’s end of the conversation.

“How long?”

Such a simple question, with very little context, made Y/n’s heart sink further and she swallowed thickly- so much for things changing. Sniffling, put the cookie down so Grace could decorate it, that time joining her on covering it with the mixture of seasonal and regular sprinkles.

“I….don’t know.”

When she lifted her head, it was just in time to see Andy glancing back at her and Grace. His expression was taunt with remorse, and flashing him a faint, sympathetic smile, she bent her head again, hoping to not give her hurt and disappointment away.

“Look, Lynn, if you want it done before New Years….then maybe you should just give it to Neal- or anyone else. I’m on vacation.”

Upon hearing the words, Y/n stopped and lifted her head again, that time meeting his eyes. Her brows were knitted and he wore the faintest hint of a fond soiree.

“No, the holidays aren’t more important than my job,” Andy licked his lips, “But my family is.”

“You’re family’s more important than your job?”

A bright smile tugged at her lips and there was a glimmer in her eyes that Andy hadn’t seen in a long time. Ducking his head, he rubbed his palms along his thighs, clad in grey sweatpants, “Yeah,” he paused before lifting his gaze again, “I’ve been thinking about what you’ve said and I don’t want her to look back and remember that I left when we were having so much fun,” he frowned a little and Y/n’s smile dissolved, “It probably hasn’t seemed like it for a long time, but you two are first priority- its time I start acting like you are.”

Frowning a little, Y/n reached for Andy’s hand and let him lead her from where she was sitting in the corner of the long sofa to the recliner so she could sink down into his lap. They’d put Grace to bed a couple hours ago, before getting showered and changing themselves. Then, not wanting to be caught together in Y/n’s bedroom, they’d decided to lounge around in the living room for a while to see if Grace would wake up with another nightmare.

Settling sideways in his lap, Y/n draped on arm across the back of his shoulders, laying her other hand absently on the center of his chest, “I didn’t mean to hurt you when I said what I did,” she sighed, absently tapping her thumb in time with his heartbeat.

“I know,” their positioning afforded Andy the opportunity to nuzzle his head in the crook of her neck, and in response, Y/n moved her hand on his shoulder to thread her fingers soothingly through his hair, “But it was the wake up call I needed,” he said in a hum, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of her chest, just below the hollow of her throat.

When he felt her kiss his hair, Andy closed his eyes for a moment, soaking up the moment; the warmth of her arms around him, the weight of her in his and her breath in his hair. They hadn’t been like that in so long, yet it still felt completely natural to make her embrace his safe place. There wasn’t another person he trusted so completely with the parts of himself that he usually kept heavily guarded; the private thoughts, the parts that were scary and vulnerable,

And the part of him that was scared to be vulnerable.

“If it makes you feel better,” she kissed his head again, “You saying that your family is more important than your job is probably the hottest thing you’ve ever done.”

As the mood shifted, Andy chuckled and lifted his head again. “Really?” Matching her alight gaze, he playfully furrowed his brows, “Cause I know how to cook and I work out,” he offered pointedly.

“Oh, I am well aware,” Y/n giggled softly, “But you were so hot this evening that if you took me upstairs right now, we could do things we haven’t done since our honeymoon.”

His jaw slackened and Andy’s thoughts were so muddled with the memory of the things they’d done in their suite during those three weeks in Costa Rica- and the anticipation of doing some of them again- that he could hardly register the fact that she’d referred to their honeymoon as if they were still married. “Right now?” He barely strung the words together and his grip on her waist had tightened while he’d already slid an arm under her thighs, ready to scoop her up with a moment’s notice.

“Right. Now.”

That was all he needed; within a minute, Andy was on his feet with Y/n secured in his arms. “This is shaping up to be a very merry Christmas,” he teased and Y/n tired to suppress a laugh as he took her up the stairs, eager to continue living in their little fantasy.

Tagging: @royalwritersoftheuniverses @patzammit @what-is-your-plan-today @talesofadragon @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @funfickgirl22 @@pono-pura-vida @mdpplgtz03 @shipheart @marvelmenwhore @itschrismasevans @findthebeautyinbreakdowns @bemysugarbean @wintasssoldier @elrw24 @imyourbratzdoll @chasingsnowintheshadows @sarahdonald87

#chris evans #chris evans x you #chris evans x reader #andy barber #andy barber x reader #andy barber x you #cevans #chris evans fanfic #the holiday arrangement

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swordmaid · 2 months ago

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im trying to hurry and get to act 2 but the underdark is so big sobs and shri’iia’s time down there is such an important arc for her story bc that’s rlly when the cult indoctrinations starts to fall apart…! and that’s when she fully realised that she’s been abandoned and she’s all alone now and she can’t return to the world she knows anymore. and the underdark is one of the places she’s been wanting to go back to the moment she was dropped off in the surface bc it’s her home…! except it’s not anymore, and she has such a terrible time down there and by the end, she chooses to perform her first selfless paladin feat (freeing the enslaved gnomes), chooses to pursue the oathbreaker path and this new freedom, and leave lolth behind. I also think that’s the last time she’s in the underdark like ever, in her life, bc going back down there is dangerous esp now that she’s forsaken lolth.

but anyway, I want to get to act 2 bc that’s when she actually explores this new freedom and her new oath…! she’s free now and all the consequences are hers to bear but what does that mean exactly? if paladin talents derived from their own self will and belief to their oath, how would that affect her when she isn’t even sure about her new oath yet? and how far would she go for it? I think act 2 shri’iia is in a significantly weaker state than she was before just because her own beliefs aren’t fully realised, and I think that’s when she practices more martial skills (picks up the halberd) since her smites aren’t so powerful and constant. and I like the idea that’s the time when she’s actively choosing to do the more good, selfless deeds - things that she’s been taught to reject and scorn at but now they are things she’s actively trying to do - just bc she’s exploring this new freedom and how it feels to her. and it’s difficult too bc she is so used to having someone or something dictate her every decision, and she’s so used to always seek for their approval, but now she only has to rely on herself - the self that’s lost to her bc in her pursuit of trying to become lolth’s ideal, she’s chosen to forsake her own individuality in favour of accepting to be whatever lolth or her matriarch wanted her to be. but act 2 is definitely a transformative period for shri’iia. I also think that’s the time where she’s learning how to be kinder and to give more grace to people just because she has a better support system now than before, and she’s actually seeing kindness now compared to before where that very concept is nonexistent. there are times where she’ll slip up ofc and she unintentionally hurts someone she cares about, or she does something cruel without even considering how cruel it is, and it’s so important to me that she does make those mistakes and she learns from them. it’s a learning period for her!!!

and if act 2 is about the exploration of her oath then act 3 is about the exploration of her own self…!! and it’s also the part where she turns half illithid and her face turns into something different - she doesn’t have the red eyes of lolth’s children anymore, and she loses the beauty that drows are known to have (and she was once proud of tbh). like act 3 is such an interesting time for her too, it’s def a bit more personal, and in the end it’s either she becomes a more fully realised version of herself or she rejects the whole experience and regresses back to lolth bc she was her home but that’s for another time 🤭🤭🤭

#honestly it’s so hard doing yves playthrough or someone else’s just bc shri’iia’s is SAUR good to me 🤤🤤🤭🤭#like this is tailored to me DUH but I enjoy it smmmmmm after the Nere fight and she finally acknowledges the oathbreaker knight #after how many nights of ignoring him I’m always cheering hooting and hollering 🤤🤤🤭🤭#cunty bob oathbreaker shri’iia…!!!!! the start of her being a decent person..!!! except she chooses to destroy the crèche and kill all the #kids in there so. it’s a slippery road ok.#oc: shri’iia.

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endious · 1 year ago

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UMM I NEED TO SEE HOW YOU PORTRAY LIU PLS AND THANK YOU

imma be real with you im in love with the idea of what liu COULD be but have never cared to actually look into his story or whatever SO ? we are going based off vibes my twisted mind has created. whether it makes sense or not or isnt “liu” or whatever I DONT CARE ! i havent put any dedication or thought into any character besides jeff LMFAO so i am struggling to grasp my idea of liu’s character. i’ll def work on it though in the future methinks

liu has aggressive moments with you. he doesnt exactly mean to be so rough but its so damn difficult when you refuse to talk to him or when you stare for too long at the stitches and scars on his face. stop staring at him like that. stop it. stop.

it’s a red blur for him when he becomes someone he “isnt”. your cries, begs for forgiveness and apologies falling from your lips breaks his heart after he’s calmed down and all that’s left is broken objects, his knuckles bare and bloody and your body trembling on the floor and shaking with sobs as you tell him you’re sorry over and over like a broken record. it hurts liu to see you like that, it wasnt him that did it.. it couldn’t be him. liu wasnt like that. that had to be someone else— sully is who he called his bursts of anger. maybe he really did become a totally different person when provoked like his brother would claim way back in the past. maybe he really did morph into a monster from time to time but it was not liu and dont you ever try to say it was. just nod your head and agree to whatever he says because its best that way. things always go smoothly when you obey and comply and he’s happy when you do so why dont you just stay that way.

liu tries to hold you often at night and gets irritated when you tense up or try to pull away from his eerily warm touch. “it’s just me. why are you so scared?..” it takes a lot to run his patience out too. he wants to give you multiple chances to fix your mistakes and he wont immediately bash your head into the closest object like jeff would. liu likes to claim he is very caring, just like mom always was towards him. he’s trapped in his own sick fantasy of living a happy life with you to the point where he will ramble to you about all of his thoughts and ideas and plans for you to the point where it makes your skin crawl over some of the things he’s said. one time he mentioned wanting to cut a piece of your hair off so he could smell it and be reminded of you when he’s not with you. another time he said he wanted to slice off some of your skin and keep it forever so it’s like you’re always with him when he has to leave. and another time he whispered how badly he wanted to cut your stomach open, pull your guts out and crawl inside of you. it’s insane the terrible things he’s said and thought were surely “romantic” but only left you sleepless and fearful for your life.

liu plays this pretend dream on loop and it’s best if you go along with it. accept his “love”, accept his thoughtful “gifts”, accept and thank him for keeping you “protected” from the bad men that want to take you from him. you’ll start spiraling too along with him. as much as you fight it and try to stay determined on keeping your sanity, it’s difficult when a man that pretends to be sane and shows you twisted acts of affection starts to make your mind slip a little deeper into that darkness with each passing day chained up in a bedroom of a unfamiliar home. and how giddy he feels when you start to give in to his touches and words. but if you tried to get away? if you managed to escape his tight grip on your life? you’re a dead fucking girl because liu will cry and scream in agony for days before anger boils over in his veins and it wont be liu who finds you, oh no it will be sully who begins his mission of retrieving the lost little lamb who led herself astray in the dangerous dense woods.

#— cadie answers #— nonnies #is this good ? fuck no LMFAO im actually so sorry for any liu whores </3 #i never read his “backstory” or whatever and i dont even read liu fics to get a grasp of him SO IM SORRY #this is so bad i will work on his character in the back of my mind sometimes LFMAO i hope this is fine someone please tell me if this is ba #or if its actually fine i need a liu fucker to let me know LMFAODOQODOOWDI

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everybodyshusband · 1 year ago

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Ok so I'm not really back to normal but I'm gonna ignore my tummy for a couple minutes in favour of talking to you because I've been dying to send another ask after your wonderful responses!!!

I'll send it in sort of bullet points bc idek if anything I'm saying is even coherent and this might be easier for you to understand? (Or it might not, I'm sorry) In my brain everything makes sense but then sometimes when I say it out loud or write it it's like "what the hell is she saying rn?" So here I go:

- that bit you wrote about swiss and Copia with the soap and swiss stops swearing even when not regressed... oh, it has my heart... Poor baby, I hope Copia makes it up to him with lots of cuddles! I can imagine them laying in bed, Swiss with his head on Copia's chest, as Copia kisses his forehead/hair/nose/whatever he can reach, and promises it's never going to happen again over and over until swiss believes him and eventually falls asleep... (He even drools a little in his sleep, but don't tell him shhhh)

- I understood what you meant about the part I thought I didn't understand in the rain fic! Ugh every time I read that fic I just wanna give him the biggest hug my poor baby... Their dynamic in that fic is so "it's rotten work" 'not to me, not if it's you' I'm screaming and sobbing about it 😭🥹😍

- I will literally always enable you to ramble about any of your fics! Anything! I'm interested!!! I promise!!!! Anything you want to bring up??? Guess what!? I'm all ears!!! Always!!

-not gonna lie I felt pretty shitty all day bc of my tummy (and still do) but your super sweet responses and thinking about sending you an ask kept me a bit motivated (and distracted from the fact that tomorrow is Monday and I gotta work 😭) so thank you!

- I wanted to ask if there's a specific fic that's close to your heart or one that you like a bit more or one you wish got more attention? Because I'll get my greedy lil paws all over it in like 2 seconds flat and start discussing it... I think I've read everything you've posted but I wanna hear your thoughts on your own stuff too!! 💓💓💕💗💗💖💖💗

You're probably sleeping rn and you'll probably see this tomorrow so I hope you slept well and the day ahead is good to you! 🩷

ooh, my darling anon, i've been hoarding this and all your other asks for much, much too long, i am so, so sorry !!! please know i love and appreciate each and every one of your kind words, even if it takes me a very long time to respond 💙

under the cut because of length, haha :'D

i hope that by now your tummy has settled down a bit, i'm sorry this bout of stomach issues seemed to hit you so hard :0 (oh, and don't worry ! your asks always make perfect sense, my friend !!)

don't worry, after the incident, copia makes sure to give soooo much extra love and care to swiss. that ghoul is not escaping those cuddles from copia without plentiful doses of extra love and chaste forehead, cheek and nose kisses, haha !! copia is so very willing to reassure swiss that he's safe and that it won't happen again, you're right (and you're also very right in that swiss drools right onto copia's papal vestments, but not to worry, the stain comes out ...eventually)

ah !! i'm glad it's making more sense now :D i have a chronic case of the "does not write the things in his head into the actual fic" haha !! i agree that rainy deserves all the hugs in the world, it's a very icky headspace for the poor little guy to be in and he deserves so many hugs for doing his best to navigate it. whether or not he accepts the hugs though is another story entirely...

again, i hope your tummy is feeling better by now. or maybe it's been long enough that you've cycled around into another rough patch ? ooh, i hope not. but either way, i'm sending you so many good tummy vibes, hehe <3 (and maybe you'll take solace in the fact that as i'm answering this, tomorrow is a wednesday rather than a monday ?)

ooooh, that's difficult, haha !! the rain fic you mentioned before is the one that's closest to my heart at the moment, i think. but i'm also quite attached to my most recent ficlet with regressed aeon and zephyr because oh my goodness, i love their dynamic and i want to explore it as much as i can, hello ?!? and then on the complete other side of the spectrum i'm very proud of this t4t raindrop filth, haha !! i think because they're all my newest works i haven't had the time to build up an "ew, what was i thinking !??!" response to them, so i'm still feeling very good about these three. and by the looks of it, other people seem to like them as well, which is a nice bonus :)

thank you very much again for your lovely asks, anon 💙 they make me smile and brighten my day every single time i look at them !! i hope life has been treating you well, my dear, and i hope that you have a wonderful day/night depending on where you are in the world 💙

#ask box #husband rambles #🐝 anon

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newyrife · 1 year ago

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What does love mean to a teenage girl like me?

When you're a teenage girl, you can be searching for a romantic experience. Someone is only looking to have fun or show off their boyfriend. But for some reason, as they leave the memories behind, they will realize what love really means.

I wouldn't say that I have much experience with love. But in order to understand, you don't need more love; instead, you just need to wake up from your dream. People are selfish. You could believe the word "selfish" is too solid but it is true. And for other people (like me), you only consider how you are feeling while not considering the other person with whom you are speaking, which makes them feel emotionally drained. You might not understand what I'm saying, so allow me to share my love story.

I met him through a dating app. I was enjoying my conversation with him as we discussed our favorite moments and shared ours. On the other hand, I also met someone and we hit it off. It would be wonderful for me to prevent a long distance relationship because the second one lives in the same city as me and the first one is difficult for me to visit. I break up with him and move on to the second person, but after a while I realize I don't like him as much as the first, so I go back to him and end the relationship. I spoke with him while we were on the phone. We are making fun of one other, and it's a wonderful moment. All of a sudden, I did something that would ruin my love story. This might be considered cheating on him. I discussed a trip with the other guy without telling my boyfriend about it. He is aware of this, therefore we argue over it. He always held himself at fault. He claims that the reason I spoke to others is because he is not good enough. I regret hearing him say this to me. He already has a broken heart and no longer believes anything I say. Despite the fact that I am telling the truth, he refuses to believe me.I accept him and allow him to leave.

Love can give you positive emotions like fulfillment, contentment, and more, but it can also give you negative ones. This is another reason I left him and started taking care of my emotional needs. Sometimes, when you're depressed, you'll think negatively and that could make other people feel the same way. it is undesirable. I believe the greatest method to get rid of this is to first learn to love yourself through stress reduction because this love problem can also make you angry.

If you are unsure of how to relieve stress, I suggest engaging in a calming activity like getting a massage, taking a bath, listening to your favorite music, or engaging in a favorite hobby. I didn't mean to imply that you can't be sad when I told you not to be stressed. But if you're sad, you need to make sure you won't be sad over it again since it's pointless to keep sobbing about the same issue. Instead, you should fight for yourself.

You can become a better person through love. Love has taught me how to communicate, feel, and trust. It's challenging to maintain and deal with trust. When trust is broken, it can grow to be the same, but not always. I also discover how others feel. I believe I need to learn more about how to handle people's emotions because it can be complicated and varies from person to person. Therefore, the simplest solution is to communicate with and understand one another. This can result in major disagreements, but it will be resolved, so trust me, you just need to speak out and be sure of what's on your mind.

P.S. I need more time to practice writing because I'm not very good at it. I apologize if this blog is difficult to understand or causes misunderstandings; it is for school work. and love which are difficult to speak about. I appreciate all comments.

NUCHAYADA THUTAKIT (New) no.19

#BusinessEnglish IEP

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ofhorrorxgurl · 1 year ago

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Story Time

When I was VERY small kid, Watching SpongeBob is one of my favorite shows ever since I had surgery as a baby, Watching SpongeBob is like a Comfort Series for laughs.

As I get older, my very first comfort character SpongeBob came back to my mind when I was feeling very depressed today. I remembered all the funny adventures he went on and the silly things he used to say. I could almost hear his voice in my head, saying, "I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready!"

I smiled as I reminisced about the times I would watch SpongeBob SquarePants and laugh at all the silly jokes. I even remembered singing along to the theme song, "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"

My mind drifted to all the other characters in the show, the ones who always ended up getting into trouble. I thought about Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, and Plankton. I could almost hear them talking to each other in my head, and I smiled at the thought of them all together.

I thought back to the times when I watched SpongeBob and his friends when I was feeling down. He always made me feel better, and I was grateful for that. I was so thankful for the comfort he brought me as a child.

As the memories of SpongeBob flooded my mind, I knew that I was going to be okay. I could feel a warmth come over me, and I knew that I was going to make it through this difficult time. I was thankful for my childhood companion, SpongeBob SquarePants, and all the joy he had brought me.

As a child, I often felt overwhelmed by my emotions. When I would get too overwhelmed, I would seek comfort in a certain cartoon character - SpongeBob SquarePants. I found his optimistic attitude and bubbly personality soothing and calming. I would often talk to him in my head, telling him about my worries and fears. On the days I was particularly upset, I would curl up on the sofa with a blanket and watch SpongeBob episodes.

Now this. This is what happens when I Feel Sad.

I remember one particular time when I was sobbing uncontrollably after Going Live On this App called ZEPETO. I felt so Broken and Sad, but then, I remembered SpongeBob. I picked up my pillow and hugged it tightly, imagining that it was SpongeBob. I imagined him talking to me, telling me that everything would be alright. His voice was so comforting and reassuring that it made me feel a bit better.

I have continued to find comfort in SpongeBob throughout my life. Whenever I am feeling down, I know I can find solace in my beloved SpongeBob. He has been a faithful companion and a source of comfort for me for many years.

When I was a child, I had a rough time. I was bullied relentlessly by my peers and had trouble making friends. I felt alone and had no one to turn to. That's when I discovered SpongeBob. I was drawn to his kind and gentle personality. I felt like he understood me and accepted me for who I was. We would have long conversations about my day and my troubles. I would tell him about the kids who made fun of me and he'd tell me to keep my chin up and that it would all be okay. Whenever I was feeling down, I'd put on a SpongeBob movie and I'd feel better. He was my first real comfort character and I always knew I could count on him to make me feel better.

Sometimes, When I feel Very Sad because of how Terrible my Life is. Laugher is the best medicine to watch SpongeBob.

For me it’s different, I get too Embarrassed when My Mom put on the show when she needs comfort too, but me?

Yes. I Love him as much as my family but when I feel very very sad, I’ll always watch SpongeBob to cheer up after a long cry.

#spongebob #comfort character #tw depressing thoughts #sad

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lanasblood · 1 year ago

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I apologize for being late to the party, but I wanted to take my time to comment on this stunning piece of writing, I said I’ll come back, and here I am 🥴

I've actually read it twice already, that's how much I adore it. already after the first read, I noticed subtle changes within myself — I found myself unconsciously watching lo'ak edits (I know, shocker) and reading lo'ak headcanons, which sparked my interest in him overall

I must admit, I made the "mistake" of reading part 2 before part 1. I know, dumb, but surprisingly it worked out. honestly, I'm not sure if I would have delved into the story if it were the other way around. it's not that part 1 isn't good (it definitely is, I love how in love they are and just how possessive lo'ak is), but because I rarely come across lo'ak x reader works that attract my interest. when I encountered all the emotional turmoil in part 2 (what a captivating and dramatic start with him sobbing at his mother’s thighs), I simply couldn't resist continuing to read.

his heart further broke at the fact that you, yet again, slipped through his fingers. It seemed as if the whole universe was against the two of you. but, the universe be damned. lo’ak was going to get you back no matter what it took. He’d burn down villages for you, destroy planets for you. de’d do anything for you.

that’s what i’m talking about. and the writing, just wow!! 😍

the strained relationship between neytiri and lo'ak reveals a fascinating perspective. their argument was soo real. while jake's indifference aligns with the movie's perspective, neytiri's reaction delves deeper into her personal struggles. I like to think, she harbors more self-hatred than hatred towards lo'ak for engaging in the same behavior she once did by falling in love with a human. this hypocrisy unveils the psychological aspect at play. also I had to think of hermann hesse's quote, "if you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. what isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us," which resonates strongly here. neytiri's reaction reflects a deeper understanding of the situation; by projecting her everlasting inner conflict onto lo'ak, she attempts to distance herself from her own choices and protect him from potential pain because let’s be real where is the possibility that eywa will gift us the same as she did jake? it’s her motherly instinct to keep her child from harm (of the heart). I think you depicted it beautifully, and that is at least my interpretation of it, please correct me if I overlooked anything.

like she too hadn’t fallen in love with a tawtute. no matter how long jake stayed on the planet and mingled with the natives, he would always be a human at heart. It’s hard to break out of old habits and it seemed as if their father began to fall back into his sky people ways as of recent.

that’s such an important detail. it doesn’t just seem hypocritical, it is hypocritical. and maybe, just maybe, (I'm 100% sure) jake beginning to fall back into his human ways triggered neytiri’s reaction even more.

also, I love all the little details you put in, e.g. by being there for lo'ak and providing comfort, neteyam is showing that he understands and accepts his brother's feelings during this difficult time, and in contrast to their mother’s harsh reaction, it implies that he has the emotional capacity to love and support his younger brother, despite their differing perspectives on relationships with humans. (I will not comment on the you-know-what-scene)

even though I’m not a fan of miscommunication tropes, it fits the story well, it feels real, and tbh same, the reader’s thoughts and feelings are very relatable. her thinking he’s with tsireya, and him thinking she’s with spider... would you look at the irony 😂 plus, lovesick puppy lo’ak is the cutest thing ever!!

my heart only beats for you. my lungs only breathe for you. my body and soul only long for you. everything is only ever for you, ma yawne. I hold so much love for you that it hurts.

my heartttttttt </3 oh my, the writing, the emotional connection, it's too much 🥺♥️

really, your writing has truly shifted my perspective on lo'ak. not only do I see him as the charming golden child's younger, funnier, more extroverted brother, but I now perceive him as someone who is capable to love and be loved deeply; a perfect romantic partner, even. I am grateful to you (or at least I believe I should be, my inner neteyam girly isn’t quite sure yet) for opening my eyes to this new understanding. your writing is beautiful!! also i cannot wait to read the other stories from your masterlist <3

Tidal Wave

part one | part two

pairing: lo’ak x fem!human!reader

genre: angst, more angst, comfort (from tsireya to lo’ak + from spider to reader + from kiri to reader), & fluff (at the very end)

word count: 14.4k+ (holy fuck)

warning(s): suggestive content, crying, yelling, familial arguments, secrets are spilled (😬), neytiri + lo’ak arguing, mentions of violence + self inflicted injury (reader rubs skin raw), mention of incident at ta’unui clan, slightest lo’ak x tsireya, reader having self-deprecating thoughts, lo’ak being lovesick for reader, mention of lo’ak being sad, major character death, sprinkle of miscommunication / misinterpretation of actions, blood, slightest spider x reader, kiri + reader are bffs!, heartbreak?, cursing, & mentions of having little appetite

taglist: @bewbz2110 @httpjiikook @aonungsmate @cheyehc @ihave500hubbiez @heart-an0n @omnifanfic @toomuchtime02 @bigdikzaddy @anxietydrogz @myh3artttt @ancientbeing10 @yourusername1 @dearstell @goodiesinthecloset21 @iwannahaveaprettyaesthetic @thatonegirlwiththebeanie367 @arminsgfloll @optimisticblazetrash @liyahsocorro @universal-s1ut @amortencjja @sweetirilly @blushhpeachh @alohastitch0626 @btsiguess-kpop @ithinkimaslutforharry @zootymcnooty @zeeader @reallysparklychaos @zeida @coffeehurricanes @manumanulau @pumpararapam @ipang @willowcxmilee @audigay @sagaonpandora

word bank: sa’nok — mother, sempul — father, eywa / great mother — goddess deity that the na’vi believe in, tawtute — human; sky person, ikran — four winged creature used for hunting + flying, kehe — no, palulukan — thanator, sìlpeytsyìp — little hope (idk if it’s an accurate translation since i just put the words hope + little together), tulkun — whale like creatures, ilu — sea creature used for hunting + riding, yawne — beloved, & nga yawne lu oer — i love you

songs that i drew inspo from: a match into water by pierce the veil, gilded lily (sped up version) by cults, mr. forgettable by david kushner, & reflections by the neighbourhood

note: huge shoutout to @neteyamslovrr for helping me proofread this! ilysm baby 😭🫶🏼🤍 mentions of readers birthday takes place around 3-4 months after her & spider were kidnapped (so reader, kiri, spider, & lo’ak are aged up to 17-18). i imagined the events of atwow happening over a couple of months due to the fact that ronal is more visibly pregnant towards the end than when we first see her. so, just for clarification :)

Lo’ak had begged his parents the morning after to save you.

He pleaded and begged, getting on his knees as he sobbed into his Sa’nok’s thigh, covering it in his warm tears and snot. But, Jake’s answer stayed persistent: “They are strong kids, son. They will be alright,”. Of course, Jake wasn’t aware that Lo’ak and his other siblings heard what he had to say about you and Spider the night before during he and Neytiri’s heated discussion.

( “The kids know everything! They know where we live! Spider knows our whole operation. We are not safe as long as they have those two. They both can lead him right here! We are no longer safe staying here.” )

Lo’ak knew that neither you or Spider would ever give up the location of High Camp or of the Sully family. The both of you were loyal to a fault. Perhaps too loyal for your own good. It hurt to hear that his own Sempul would ever think that you would betray the family you grew to think of as your own. Lo’ak knew you better than anyone else.

Having to leave the Omatikaya and not even attempt to save you made Lo’ak resent his parents, his heart completely breaking into two as he got farther and farther from his home and essentially you. It was days before he had spoken to his parents after arriving at Awa’atlu, but it wasn’t like his parents sought out to speak to him either.

The more time he spent on the island, the more time he found himself yearning to have you by his side. To experience all of this with you. There was a constant hole in his chest that never left, deepening every time he thought of you. He had no way of knowing if you were being tortured at the current moment or even alive. He didn’t trust the RDA to keep you alive, especially once they saw how loyal you were to Jake and his family, disposing of you like you were nothing. You are everything to Lo’ak and it pained him to not know how you were doing or what was happening to you during your time in the enemy’s hands.

He could only pray to Eywa every night to keep you safe and spare you, fully aware that if she answered his call, she’d need something in return. And he was fully prepared to pay the price with his own life.

———

The torture they put you through was something you’d never would wish upon your greatest enemy.

They had ceased the torture on Spider, the orders being given to them by Quaritch. So, Ardmore turned to you and inflicted all kinds of pain and continuous torture onto you. The human boy begged Quaritch to put a stop to this, demanding him to let you go. But no matter how much Spider pleaded with the man or how many times he went over it with Ardmore, the woman didn’t budge. She was insistent on getting something out of you. But all she really got was memories and flashes of a tall Na’vi teen boy and nothing else. Things that were useless to her, so she punished you every time.

The first time you arrived at their base, their doctors had pulled you aside and assessed you. They deemed that you had multiple fractured ribs and a mild concussion, ordering Ardmore to let you heal before she decided to do anything. She agreed to it at first since she had Spider to get information out of, but once Quaritch told her that he was off limits and was going to comply with him and his team, she began to drag you out to the interrogation room and leave you in there for hours until you passed out.

It was the same routine for weeks. Wake up, get dragged to the interrogation room, receive endless amounts of torture for hours, pass out, repeat. Days began to blur together, not knowing where one began and the next stopped. It was all the same.

The first time you realized you had been in the RDA’s grasp for too long was the night Spider had snuck into your room and gently sang happy birthday to you. It must’ve been months then. Your seventeenth birthday was celebrated nearly a year before being taken hostage by Quaritch. Ardmore had deemed it best to separate Spider and you from each other, breaking down both of your support systems. That night, as you and the boy silently cried into the dark of your room, you lost all hope that Lo’ak was coming back for you.

It hurt too much to think about. But you knew, you knew that eventually, it was never going to work out. You were too different. Something was bound to happen sooner or later, ripping the two of you from each other and essentially ending the relationship you had with one another. You loved Lo’ak dearly but you knew that your love was never in the cards. It was something taboo, forbidden. You only hoped that Lo’ak was able to find comfort within someone else during this time. For you doubted that you’d ever see each other again. He needed someone like him. Not you.

———

Lo’ak had done everything he could to keep his mind off of you.

He needed to keep his mind off of you if he didn’t want to break down in the middle of the beach twenty-four-seven. So, he often spent more time training with Tsireya and got into meaningless fights whenever he could, angering his parents to no end. It worked at times, but often not, his mind always wandered back to you. Always.

“Lo’ak, what are you doing?” A soft voice asked, pulling the boy away from his never ending thoughts of the one person he desired to see.

“Moping,” he mumbled, crossed legged on the shoreline as he picked at the soft sand beneath him.

“I can tell,” she replied, taking a seat next to him. The boy next to her looked like a wounded puppy, ears drawn back as his tail laid limp beside him. Plus, he had a frown painted onto his face as he blankly stared at the sand below. “What is bothering you?” She asked, calmness etched into her voice.

Lo’ak hadn’t told her, or any other Metkayina for that matter, about you and the kind of relationship you shared. Sure he mentioned you and Spider and what happened before he and his family left to seek uturu from the reef people. But he never gave anyone the idea that he was in love with you. He didn’t know how any of them would react.

“Is it about the humans you mentioned earlier?” She added, filling in the silence that was growing between them as Lo’ak didn’t answer her previous question.

The boy only hummed, poking his fingers into the damp sand. He really didn’t want to talk to Tsireya about this. It risked the chance of his Sa’nok hearing or a stranger eavesdropping and telling everyone else in the village about how much he cared for a tawtute. It also hurt to talk about you. Because he knew once he started, he was never going to stop.

“I am sorry that they were taken. I know they meant a lot to you and your siblings,” Tsireya commented, truly feeling sorry for the young boy. She could tell that Lo’ak deeply cared for the humans and she couldn’t imagine losing someone that close to her like that.

A shrug from Lo’ak was his only response to the girl’s comfort, tears beginning to prick his eyes as he began to crave your touch and soothing lips against his. He began to forget what it was like to have your hands and lips on his own skin, making the hole in his chest increase in size.

“What were their names again?” She delicately asked, genuinely curious. Foreign things always interested the girl and she had never seen a tawtute before. So, befriending people that have, made her want to ask all of the questions she’s been dying to ask. The girl knew that her chance of meeting a human was extremely low before the Sully’s arrival, but that still didn’t stop her from wondering.

A small smile etched itself onto the corners of Lo’ak’s lips as he thought about you. Your name was probably his favorite thing to utter. It becoming a prayer during the darkest hours of the night, with you being the only one to answer his mumbled words. You were Lo’ak’s salvation and he never hesitated to remind you.

“(Y/N) and Spider,” he replied, fingers now fiddling with the anklet around his foot. You had made it for him for his fifteenth birthday. The poor boy had been so flustered while trying to tie it around his ankle that the woven material kept slipping through his fingers. You offered your help with a giggle, your soft fingertips causing fire to erupt against his skin as they trailed from his ankle bone to his calf in a teasing manner. If Lo’ak closed his eyes and tried hard enough, he could still feel the tingly sensation your fingers left behind in their wake.

“Those are…interesting names,” Tsireya giggled, testing out their names on her tongue, attempting to enunciate every letter and vowel to the best of her ability. “Humans have such weird names,” she comments, reflecting back on the time she briefly met Norm and Max when they came to visit after Kiri’s seizure.

Lo’ak only hummed in response, smile still on his face as he recalled all the memories he has of you. He missed you so much. He felt empty without you. He felt as if he had half a soul with you gone. His whole being ached to be with you, touch you, love you.

The Metkayina girl noticed Lo’ak’s almost blissful smile on his face, copying his actions. She could only assume that one of you meant more to him than the other. That the other held a special place in his heart. “Which one is it?” She asked, not trying to sound like she was prying. That was the last thing she wanted to do. She was just curious.

Lo’ak’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, “What do you mean?”.

“Which one has you wrapped around their finger?”.

The question itself made Lo’ak blush, bottom lip going in between his teeth in an attempt to stop an even wider smile from making its way onto his face. Damn, he thought, she can read me like a book. You got to be more subtle man.

The boy gave her his answer, tail perking up and swaying to and from at the mention of your name, his body betraying him at trying to hide his affection for you.

“Can you tell me about her?” Tsireya asked, enthralled at how just the mere mention of your name influenced such actions from the Omatikaya boy.

Lo’ak didn’t need to be asked twice before he began to talk about you, barely taking any breaths in between each word he uttered. If only his Mother and Father could see how much love Lo’ak held for you. If only.

———

“Ready kid?”.

You’d rather throw yourself off the highest floating mountain than go with Quaritch and his team on their mission to hunt down Jake and his family. But, alas, you had to go. You had to go unless you wanted to continue to be tortured by the old blonde Captain. You hated that woman with everything you had in you.

Quaritch had promptly requested Ardmore to cease her torturous treatment on you, stating that he finally got a lead on where the Sully’s might be and that you were crucial to the plan he and his team were putting together. He needed you to go with them and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. He saw how Jake’s son had reacted when he was teasing the boy about you. The boy cared for you and Quaritch was going to use it as leverage somehow.

“Don’t have much of a choice, do I?” You replied, eyes narrowing at the man in front of you. You absolutely did not want to go wherever they were going, but you didn’t want to stay behind and be tortured to death. So, you took the lesser of two evils (if you could even call it that).

Quaritch chuckled at your response, shaking his head, motioning you to follow after him. The man had taken a liking to you, much like he did with Spider. You weren’t afraid to express how much you disliked the man nor did you hesitate to express your distaste for the whole situation he put you in. He liked your bluntness and admired your loyalty to the Na’vi, even if it was a major inconvenience for him and his team.

You had only ridden on an ikran a handful of times before, Lo’ak only being able to convince you with his little pout and big pleading eyes. You never were a fan of heights and having to spend Eywa knows how long on an ikran to the next base Quaritch was heading to made you want to cry. At least with Lo’ak, you knew that he’d always catch you if you began to slip. But with Quaritch, you were confident he wouldn’t give two shits if you slipped off the flying creature.

“I am not getting on an ikran with you,” you commented, hands on hips as you approached the RDA Avatar soldiers and their ikrans. You were very surprised that the whole group managed to, successfully, claim an ikran within only months of being on Pandora whereas native Na’vi trained their whole lives for this. It all left a bitter taste in your mouth when you thought about it.

“You’re not, sweetheart,” Quaritch answers, turning back towards you once he reached his bonded companion.

The ikran was probably the most beautiful you’ve seen, even with your limited experience with the creatures. The whole body of the animal was a deep navy blue, streaks of gold and orange decorating its wings. The animal itself was gorgeous. It was ironic how someone so evil and ugly had managed to tame something so beautiful.

“Spider’s riding with me. You’ll ride with Z-Dog,” he continued, clicking his tongue towards the tall Avatar woman, gently petting his ikran as he did so.

Your eyes were torn from the navy creature in front of you to the woman. Your blood went cold as you made eye contact, her hard stare boring into your eyes as she robotically chewed at the gum in her mouth. Great, you thought, I’m definitely going to die.

“We don’t have all day, kid,” Quaritch commented, already mounted on his ikran as Spider sat in front of him, eyes worriedly scanning your figure as you stood there frozen in place.

Your eyes then drifted from the woman to her bonded companion behind her, its face gently nuzzling into her side affectionately. Your heart clenched at the sight of the animal. It looked almost identical to that of your boyfriend's ikran. Lo’ak’s was an almost dark blue, gold swirling around its neck and wings. His companion shared many similarities to the one of his Father, the only difference being the black patch on his protruding lower jaw. Memories of when Lo’ak took you out for rides on his ikran flooded your mind, making the hole in your chest double in size.

“Let’s go,” the woman said, snatching your forearm in her grip as she placed you onto the creature, placing herself behind you as she made tshaleyu with the animal. The winged creature chirped in delight at the sensation and shrieked once it readied itself to take flight, wings twitching.

You braced yourself for the ride, both hands tightening around one of the ikrans queues, thighs tensing in anticipation. The rides you had with Lo’ak were much more smoother and gentler. Lo’ak made sure to put emphasis on how he dismounted from the ground, trying to make it as smooth as possible for you. His bonded animal always complied, never rushing when he pushed off the ground and into the skies above. You found yourself missing that process as you desperately tried not to slip off the poor animal as it ascended into the blue sky. It was rough, to say the least.

Once you reached an appropriate enough altitude, Z-Dog steadied and leveled out her ikran, halting the rough turbulence you experienced moments prior. The creature chirped once again, smoothly gliding through the wind.

You always loved the feeling you got whenever you were up in the sky with Lo’ak despite your anxiety regarding heights. He always made sure that you were okay throughout the ride as well as before and after the fact. But with the stranger you were assigned to, you found yourself wanting to hurl in anxiousness. You only hoped that this was going to be a quick and fast flight to wherever the hell you were heading to.

———

The minute you stepped into the small room the tulkun hunters had allowed you to occupy during your stay, you fell to your knees. Sobs racked your body as your mind replayed the scenes that you witnessed only minutes prior. Arriving at the Ta’unui village. The gathering of their people like they were sheep to slaughter. Quaritch threatening the Tsahik and Olo’eyktan of the clan. Lyle shooting and killing a sea creature on his Colonel’s order. The burning of the peoples homes. The killing of a Mother tulkun. It all kept replaying in your head, even when you moved to the even smaller shower.

You tried so hard to rid of the memories in your head, of the smell on your skin, of the guilt you felt. You rubbed at your skin until it was raw and hot and bleeding. The permanent reminder of just what your race is capable of slamming to the forefront of your mind. It all felt wrong. It feels wrong being here. Feels wrong to live on Pandora where its native species had to experience the pain and constant attempts of colonization from a different species. It all felt like you were contributing to whatever Quaritch had in mind. Even if he didn’t tell you any details, you still chose to come along. Maybe staying behind with Captain Ardmore would’ve been a better option. After all, it wouldn’t have mattered if you were alive or not at the end of it for you already felt dead inside. Nothing and no one would be able to bring you comfort from what you just saw and gone through.

“(Y/N)?” A familiar voice asked, it cracking from the amount of emotion the owner felt.

“Spider,” you whispered, curling in on yourself as you saw his figure standing in your doorway, tears streaming down his face.

The boy made his way to your bed, laying on it, facing you on his side. Not a word was uttered between you two, not needing any to communicate the type of comfort you both seeked from each other. And you stayed like that, facing each other and grasping onto each other's hands for comfort as you unknowingly fell asleep, slumber welcoming you into its embrace. But even your dreams weren’t a safe place. You dreamt of fire, of blood, and of death the whole night.

Maybe Neytiri was right. You should’ve never befriended the Sully children. You should’ve stuck to your own kind.

———

The second Lo’ak heard that a boy and a girl had been with Quaritch and his team during their attack on a nearby village, he began to ready his ilu for the trip. For getting you back.

The boy had paced back and forth from the edge of the mauri to his swimming companion, bending down to slip on the various of saddles the animal needed for riding. The creature chirped up at him every time Lo’ak bent down, seemingly encouraging him as he did so.

“What are you doing?” A voice asked, confusion laced in their tone. Lo’ak knew who it was before they even spoke. His Sa’nok had a bad habit of sneaking up on everyone, being too quiet for her own good. The hairs on the back of his head always stood up on end whenever he felt his Mothers presence behind him, alerting him of the potential rage he was going to face from the woman.

“To save them,” Lo’ak mumbled, too focused on saddling the right equipment on his companion, fiddling with the straps as he tightened them. The boy knew that his parents never really cared for either of your well-beings, it being evident in their body language and actions whenever he or Kiri talked about the things they did with the pair of you that particular day. If they weren’t willing to save you, then Lo’ak would take it upon himself to. He finally knew where you were after months of not knowing and he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to have you in his arms again.

A growl emitted itself from his Mothers lips, her hand coming out to grip her son's bicep into her grasp, “Kehe!”.

Neytiri didn’t know why her son was so infatuated with you, a tawtute. She was always against her children from befriending you and Spider, glaring at your figures everytime you walked by at High Camp. Her son seemed to be closer with you than Spider. The fact always bothered her, making her skin crawl with anger. Angry that you were occupying her son's time when he could be doing other things, meeting other people, and talking to other appropriate women of the clan.

“You will not,” she continued, scowl painted onto her face as she glared down at her son. She knew that if Lo’ak were to continue with his plan and make it to wherever you were, that Quaritch wouldn’t hesitate to shoot or take him prisoner. She couldn’t have that. Neytiri needed all of her children within eyesight so she could look over them and make sure that they were safe. She wouldn’t be able to do that if her son went to you.

Lo’ak growled back at his Mother, ripping his arm out from her tight grip. The boy had his mind made up and nobody was going to stop him. He needed to get to you. He needed you.

“I will. Why do you even care? You haven’t bothered to talk to me the whole time here. The only time you talk to me is to yell or scold me for doing yet another thing wrong,” Lo’ak hissed out, teeth tightly clenched. “(Y/N) and Spider care about me more than you ever have!” He added, whole body shaking in anger.

Neytiri gasped at her sons exclaimation, lightly hissing at him, “How dare you think that? I love you, Lo’ak. But they, they do not! They are demons! They aren’t capable of such things as love.”

Lo’ak’s ears drew back to press up against his skull and his lips drew up to show off his pointed fangs, a very loud hiss escaping from between his teeth. The hiss sounded almost roar-like, drawing attention from inside the Sully mauri, ears and tails perking up in interest.

Another gasp escaped from Neytiri’s throat. Her son had never hissed at her like that. Sure he had hissed at her playfully when he was younger or out of annoyance whenever she tried to get him to open up to her. But he had never hissed at her so…possessively. The only time she had heard a roar like this was when her husband was fighting off Quaritch during the Great Battle and he threatened everything he worked so hard to build during his time in the Avatar program.

“They do! She loves me. She’s capable of it and so much more. But you are too stubborn and stuck in your ways to see her the way I do. She cares for me, loves me. That I know,” Lo’ak grumbled out, fangs seeming to get even longer as he brewed in his anger. “I see her and she sees me. Something you and Dad never do,” he finished, turning away from his Mother as he reached out to grab the final thing he needed for his ride to you.

“What do you mean, Lo’ak?” Neytiri asked, anger laced in her voice. She knew what he was insinuating, but she needed to hear it come from his mouth. To confirm her suspicions. To confirm or deny what she had been thinking for years.

“I mean that she is mine. She is the only thing that I was ever able to have. I see her. She has taken me heart, body, and soul,” he slightly hisses out, not daring to look at his Mother as he spoke. He knew that once the confession of his sins slipped from his lips, there was no telling what his Mother would do. He didn’t want to be in the crossfire once she decided to act upon whatever she was feeling, her not being a top priority in his life at the moment. You were the priority and he’d be damned if anyone stopped him from getting to you.

“No,” Neytiri whispers, “You did not. Tell me you didn’t!”.

There were many things that his Mother could be referring to, but he was pretty sure he knew what she was hinting at. It was something that he had planned on doing with you once he properly courted you and way further into the future. But, nothing ever goes according to plan in Lo’ak’s life. The first time you guys had engaged in such an act was months before you were taken hostage. You had never been to the Tree of Souls, it being nearly impossible for you to get to without proper assistance. Lo’ak had decided to take you to it as a surprise on your weekly date night. The two of you had been dating for a while but never went as far as kissing or wondering hands against skin. It all happened so fast. One minute Lo’ak was describing the connection to you, how it all worked and the next, you were under him squirming and calling out his name in pleasure. He knew that once such an act was done, he’d be tied to you forever. That in the eyes of the Great Mother you two were mates and forever bound to one another’s souls. After that, the two of you often found yourselves engaging to be together. Lo’ak felt as if it was another way he could feel connected to you without being able to perform tshaleyu. He never took the act for granted and always put your pleasure before his, worshiping every inch of your body before you could do the same to him.

Her sons silence was Neytiri’s answer resulting in her loudly hissing at her youngest son, almost matching Lo’ak’s moments prior. That was the final straw to have Jake interfere between his arguing son and wife.

“You gave yourself to her? To a demon? Agh! Shame! You have brought shame upon this family and yourself. You tainted yourself with a human. Someone who can’t give you a future!” She yelled out, angry tears running down the expanse of her cheeks. Intercourse before mating wasn’t something that was taboo in the Omatikaya culture, but it was expected of the Olo’eyktan and his family to save themselves before then, demonstrating their loyalty to the people and their future spouse. So to hear her son, the second born of the Olo’eyktan, engage in such an intimate act with a human nonetheless, made her want to pluck his eyes out from the sockets that held them.

“Woah! Woah! Hey!” Jake said, jumping in between his son and wife before either of them could jump at each other's throat. His front faced Neytiri while his back faced his son. “Hey! What’s going on?” He gently asked, bringing his wife’s face into his hands as he tried to get her to focus his attention on him and not Lo’ak.

“Your son has mated with a demon!” She spat out, disgust interlaced in her tone. The way she felt towards the situation was evident enough on her face. Her lips were drawn back to flash her fangs and her nose was scrunched as if she just smelt a pile of Palulukan dung.

Jake froze at the words his wife spat, eyes darting to his son behind him. Although he froze at the words, he wasn’t surprised. He had a feeling that you and Lo’ak were more than just friends. He often caught his son gently rubbing at the marks you left on his skin during dinner, a smirk dancing across his youngests lips. Jake’s not stupid. He was Lo’ak’s age once and understood the urges he faced. But, he was human then and the Na’vi have a completely different way of thinking and going about things like this.

Jake didn’t question Lo’ak about whether or not what Neytiri said was true, already knowing the answer. He only sighed in response and tried to coax his wife to calm down.

“Go back in the house, son. Now,” Jake demanded, shooting him a look that told him he wasn’t taking a no for an answer.

Lo’ak wanted to argue and continue with his plan on rescuing you, but he knew that his pleading would be worthless, especially after his confession. So, he begrudgingly desaddled his ilu and made his way into the pod, ignoring the looks of his siblings as he made his way to his side of the house, throwing something against the woven wall before settling down in the corner. Tears left his eyes as he sat there. He was frustrated. All he wanted to do was see and hold you, but it seemed as if Eywa wasn’t on his side once again.

Why Great Mother? Why do you do this to me?

His heart further broke at the fact that you, yet again, slipped through his fingers. It seemed as if the whole universe was against the two of you. But, the universe be damned. Lo’ak was going to get you back no matter what it took. He’d burn down villages for you, destroy planets for you. He’d do anything for you.

———

“They found out?” A soft voice asks, pulling Lo’ak out from his zoning out episode.

He only hummed in response, eyes puffy from all the crying he did that night. His Mother screamed and cried at him after she talked to Jake, calling him what everyone else does, a disappointment. He desperately tried to get her to understand how he felt about you and how much he cared for you. He wouldn’t fall in love with just anyone, so you had to be very special to be the one to hold his heart.

Neteyam had been the one to comfort him that night as Jake and Kiri consoled Neytiri, trying to get her to calm down so she didn’t disturb any other Metkayina trying to sleep or seek shelter from the storm. It had been the first time in years that Neteyam had held Lo’ak in his arms, turning him away from the sight of their Sa’nok as the elder practically held the younger in his lap. Neteyam felt bad that their Mother was acting like this. Like she too hadn’t fallen in love with a tawtute. No matter how long Jake stayed on the planet and mingled with the natives, he would always be a human at heart. It’s hard to break out of old habits and it seemed as if their Father began to fall back into his sky people ways as of recent.

( “It’s okay, tsmukan,” Neteyam had whispered, Lo’ak barely hearing over the dramatic wails of his Mother. The boy had long been done with his crying, just blankly staring at the anklet wrapped around his foot. The last remaining thing he had of you.

“She doesn’t understand,” the older brother continued, stroking Lo’ak’s braids with such a gentleness, he thought for a second that it was you who was holding him. He only ever experienced such a gentle touch with you. It felt wrong that it wasn’t. That it was coming from his brother and not you.

“She does not,” Lo’ak confirmed, burying himself further into his brothers body, actively seeking his warmth to combat the shaking of his own body. “She never will,” he continued, eyes hardened to a glare as he stared at the intricately woven floor. She will never understand, he thought to himself, anger and sadness erupting in his chest. )

“A lot of the people heard your Mother last night,” Tsireya spoke up, sitting next to the dark blue boy. She felt bad for the teen. To be in love with someone you could never have must be heart wrenching. “I am sorry she acted the way she did. I hope she soon comes to the realization that you do truly love her,” she continued, trying to offer up the best comfort she could.

“I don’t think my Dad cared. Probably already knew before I told them. But,” he croaked out, voice coming out coarse as a result from his crying the night prior, “He didn’t do anything to stop Mom from saying those things about her, about me.”.

Having his Father allow his wife to continually insult his lover and him had made Lo’ak bitter. How come he wasn’t able to defend the one he loved but it was alright for Neytiri to throw such hurtful words to her own son? It all seemed hypocritical, backwards.

Tsireya frowned at Lo’ak’s words. She truly felt bad for him. She didn’t think that it was fair for his own Mother to react that harshly to the news. Didn’t she too fall in love with a human? It didn’t make sense to her.

“Oh, Lo’ak, I’m so sorry,” she whispered out, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder in hopes to comfort him.

Nothing about this situation was ideal. Lo’ak wasn’t able to go and rescue you from the clutches of the RDA. Neytiri had scolded and reprimanded her youngest son for being in love, calling him all sorts of colorful names in the process. Jake hadn’t done anything to prevent his wife from her onslaught of scowls and hisses towards their son. The whole clan now probably knew about how Lo’ak was a sky demon lover. And Tsireya is the one comforting the boy when it should be his own family that we’re bringing him solace. It all became a mess so fast, everything crumbling down towards the ground within seconds.

Lo’ak only hummed in response to Tsireya’s sympathetic tone, too tired to give her an actual response. His eyes were bloodshot from all the tears he’s expelled over night. Lo’ak’s face was practically swollen from how hard he cried last night. He looked like a complete mess.

Eywa had to be punishing him for something for the deity that he grew up hearing about wouldn’t have allowed any of this to happen. Was it really that bad that Lo’ak loved you? That he loved a human? Surely the Great Mother held all of her children dear to her heart. So, why was she letting this happen? What was the bigger picture? What was the reason? Lo’ak wanted to know the answers to these questions so he could figure out why it was so wrong to love you when it felt so right to.

———

Pain spread throughout your lower back and hip, becoming warm as the nerve endings communicated with each other and the crushed blood cells came to the surface of your delicate skin. The minute Spider hijacked the ship and the vehicle surged forward, your body made harsh contact with the metal table in the middle of the room and the floor once it crashed amongst the jagged rocks.

“(Y/N)! You okay?” The human boy yelled out, scrambling up to his feet to get to your position against the floor.

A groan was your only answer, pulling yourself up the best you could before the soldiers and ship crew could grab you. You could feel the bruises already forming on your soft skin, heat spreading throughout the areas.

“Get them off the ship!” A voice demanded, catching your attention. Your heart dropped to your stomach upon hearing the words. They were going to take you somewhere farther from Lo’ak once more. Although you hadn’t gone down with Spider to see him and the others being held hostage at the front of the ship, you still didn’t want to be taken somewhere else where you most likely wouldn’t be able to see him again.

Hands wrapped themselves around your biceps, roughly pulling you up from where you kneeled, guiding you to the exit.

“Let go of me!” You hissed, ripping your arms from out of the strangers grip just in time to catch the mask being thrown at you by another.

“Put it on,” they demanded, putting on their own mask before looking at you as you put yours on, a scowl on your face as you did so.

The same person pushed you forward in front of them, urging you to walk forwards and down the metal stairs. You desperately wanted to push whoever was in front of you down the stairs and run towards wherever they were keeping Lo’ak and the rest. You only wanted to see him and make sure that he was okay. That he was still breathing.

“Make sure it’s tight,” a man commented, tugging on the side of your mask.

“She’s fine, dumbass,” Spider spat, pushing the man’s hand away from your masked face, putting himself between the man and you.

The man before you both scoffed and continued forward, leading the two of you somewhere on the ship where they kept their smaller boats.

Spider could sense your apprehension, grabbing your hand as the group of you continued to walk along the metal surface of the ship, shaking his head down at you as he dragged you besides him. He knew what you wanted to do, he wanted to do the same, but he knew that if you gave into that urge, they wouldn’t hesitate to shoot either of you on the spot. He needed to keep you safe not just for Lo’ak’s sake but for himself too. You were his lifeline throughout this whole awful experience. Your presence itself helped him in more ways than one whenever he felt himself start to slip through the cracks while with Quaritch and Ardmore. If the two of you were going to make it out this afternoon, he needed you safe and alive.

Another man had exclaimed for the group to hurry up before the last of the boats left without them, getting cut off at the end of his sentence with a sharp exhale and groan as his body was thrown up against the wall of the ship.

Two large blue bodies had dropped down from above, pushing and punching the human men surrounding you and Spider, effectively killing them as they jumped from body to body.

“Lo’ak,” you whispered out, Spider pulling your back into his chest, away from Neteyam and Lo’ak, being wary of their size and strength.

A smile painted itself across your lips once the familiar amber eyes you dearly missed made contact with your colorful ones, time seemingly coming to a halt as the both of you took in each other's presence.

Lo’ak seemed to have filled out a bit, his biceps and thighs much larger than they were the last time you saw them. His hair was pulled back, showing off his sharpened jawline and defined shoulders and collarbones. Back in the forest, he rarely ever had his hair up, preferring it down so your fingers could have easy access to them whenever you wanted to run your smaller hands through the braids. His midsection seemed slimmer and tighter, displaying his developing abs along his stomach. Lo’ak seemed more confident in his physique as he stood there in front of you. You could practically feel it oozing off of him. The reef clan must’ve prioritized his training during his stay, you concluded.

As you gawked at the significant changes to your boyfriend's physical body, he too had his eyes glued to your figure.

Although much hadn’t changed, you still looked beautiful as ever. You had your hair down, different from your typical braid or usual hairstyle. You deemed having your hair out of your face more practical during your time in the forest. It just made everything easier as you explored and ran about. Due to Ardmore’s negligence to your physical needs, you figured it was easier to have your hair down most of the time, having no energy to do it yourself when she gave you a break from her torturous pursuits. Your hair had gotten longer during your time away from each other, inches longer than it previously was. It framed your face beautifully Lo’ak thought, smiling at you.

But before either of you could run to each other and embrace, a soldier had begun to stir and get up, a gun clutched in his grasp.

Lo’ak whipped his head towards the noise, bringing up the gun in his right hand up without thinking, finger squeezing the trigger as multiple rounds of bullets penetrated the human in front of him. The man slumped back, falling dead to the floor.

The air then became tense, the moment processing in everyone’s head for a second. Then, Neteyam had gently grabbed Lo’ak’s forearm and urged him forward, walking backwards as Spider pushed you in front of him, following the Na’vi boy.

The two boys in front of you had effortlessly jumped down from the top of the stairs to the ground below, swiftly standing up from their crouch afterwards. Sensing your hesitation, Lo’ak wrapped his free arm around your waist and followed after his brother and Spider, holding you close to his side as he jumped down from the height. He only let go of your waist once you regained your bearings.

“Hello, ma sìlpeytsyìp,” Lo’ak whispers, free hand going up to your bare neck, softly grazing his thumb against the delicate skin.

“Hello, Lo’ak,” you whisper back, a smile on your face as you gazed at your lover. Oh how you wished you didn’t need this stupid mask so you could capture his lips with yours.

You missed the boy in front of you so much. It was hard to endure all those months away from each other. He consumed every single thought you had. So to have him in front of you, alive and breathing and not a figment of your imagination, made you want to crawl into his large arms and stay there forever.

Your small moment was interrupted by Spider, him exclaiming a thank you so much man as he turned towards the Na’vi teens.

Lo’ak had tore his eyes away from yours, staring at Spider as he thanked him and Neteyam for saving both of your asses back there. The blue boy smiled at his friend, going to express his welcome but his smile dropped as he saw the same Avatar soldiers from that night come into view, aiming their guns towards the group of teens.

As Lo’ak perked up to shoot at the familiar fake Avatars, Neteyam pulled him back just as quickly, ushering him and the lot of you to run and dodge the bullets as they fired and ricocheted off the railings and other obstacles between you and them.

“Go! Go!” Neteyam exclaimed, pushing the three of you towards a corner by the moonpool, snatching Lo’ak’s gun with a give me that!.

The older Na’vi began to shoot back at the soldiers shooting at you four, shouting at all of you to hurry and jump into the water beneath the opening in front of you. Before you could process Neteyam’s words, Lo’ak took you into his arms and rushed towards the moonpool, jumping over the railing and into the water. Cool water splashed against your body and sealed mask, making you involuntarily hold your breath as a reflex.

Upon breaching the surface, you exhaled the air you held, realizing that there was no need for you to hold it.

“That was insane cuz!” Lo’ak exclaimed, high-fiving Spider as he hollered back an excited hell yeah!. His arm around you had slipped from its grasp in order to hand out the high-five he gave Spider.

The three of you just narrowly escaped death and Lo’ak was hollering in delight from the adrenaline rush. Well, you thought, at least the sea didn’t change that about him.

The hairs on your skin stood on end once you heard the gurgle of Neteyam’s first gasp of breath after following you and the boys, diving into the water. Your body instinctively knew that something bad was bound to happen and you could only pray to Eywa that this wasn’t happening.

Everyone’s world stopped on its axis once Neteyam announced that he’d been shot, struggling to keep himself upright in the water. It was as if his own acknowledgment of being shot stripped him of his refined swimming skills, limbs not being able to keep up with the blood loss and shock of the event.

You were the first one by the boys side after the words fell from his lips, trying to help keep him afloat in the water. “It’s okay, Teyam,” you whispered, head barely above the water's surface as you kept the boy upright, “You’ll be okay.”.

You knew that your words were only empty promises. That realistically, Neteyam wasn’t going to make it. No amount of comforting whispers were going to cover up that fact or bring the boy some kind of solace from death's icy grip.

“Here! Get him up on here,” an unfamiliar voice exclaimed, drawing your attention from Neteyam to the owner.

A beautiful Na’vi girl had broke the surface of the water with a strange creature by her side. She gestured for you and the rest to get Neteyam up onto the animal so you could transport him somewhere where he could be helped.

The strange girls eyes fell on you, making your stomach drop and breath hitch in your throat. She must be of the clan that harbored the Sully family, you thought to yourself as you studied her much lighter blue skin and enchanting ocean blue eyes. Really pretty too.

“C’mon bro,” Lo’ak stuttered out, taking Neteyam out from your grip and into his, swimming towards the girl and her creature.

Spider had pulled you out from your stupor, tugging on your hand as he swam the both of you towards the group, grabbing the side of the creatures saddle as it readied itself to surge forward in the water. The boys hand had let go of your hand and went to grab your waist, pulling you flush to his side in preparation for the resistance of the water once the creature got the okay to take off. Your own hands wrapped themselves around Spider’s neck, muscles in your arms tightening in preparation as well.

Once Lo’ak situated Neteyam onto the creature behind him, he urged the animal to go forward through the bond, it hurriedly gliding through the water as it pushed against the current and new added weight on all sides.

You knew that once the five of you left the scene and headed towards somewhere else, everything was going to change. That it was all downhill from here.

———

Your hands were caked in blood. In Neteyam’s blood.

The red substance ran up your wrists and stopped at your mid forearm. The skin that was covered in it felt like it was on fire. It burned.

Your small hands that were desperately trying to slow down the blood pouring out of the boys chest were replaced by Lo’ak’s, his bigger body pushing you out of the way once Jake noticed your useless efforts and demanded his second son to replace your hands with his.

Tears spewed out from your waterline, falling down your cheeks and gathering at the bottom of your mask. Your throat burned from your suppression of sobs, desperately trying to escape from your sealed lips. You didn’t feel worthy crying and sobbing over the fatally injured boy in front of you. It was your fault he was shot. Indirectly or not, if Neteyam and Lo’ak didn’t come back for you and Spider, then he’d be fine and not bleeding out in front of his family. He wouldn't be laid dying in front of you.

You felt familiar, calloused hands wrapped themselves around your frame, bringing your body into their own.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Spider lowly whispered, bringing your face into his neck as you let out a quiet sob, leaning into his embrace. He knew that you were on the brink of breaking down and knew that you were keeping it in so as to not disturb the Sully family in their growing mourning. He saw the way Lo’ak pushed his way between you and Neteyam’s dying body, replacing your hands with his own against his brothers open chest. He knew that no one else around you would comfort you in the way that you needed, so he scurried to your side and brought you into his arms for the comfort that you craved.

You’ve never seen someone die. You’ve never seen someone die right in front of you. Your brain was scrambling to gather itself and process what was happening. But it was as if your brain couldn’t gather all the working pieces it needed and abandoned you in your own body, leaving you to pick up the pieces yourself and try to process what was happening.

Your body began to shiver as shock and adrenaline coursed through your veins, making your quiet sobs even harder to contain and actually keep silent.

The minute your ears picked up on Neytiri’s high pitched wails and screams, you knew that Neteyam had taken his last breath and finally joined Eywa in his afterlife. From that moment on, everything went by in a flash.

Neytiri, Jake, and Spider had left back towards the ship for a reason your ears didn’t pick up on, still ringing in the aftershocks of Neytiri’s screams. The Na’vi woman left on her ikran, it screeching as she made tshaleyu. The both of them took off in a blur from the speed of the animals ascent. Spider left you with a gentle kiss on the forehead and a promise that he’ll come back, smoothing down your damp hair before following after Jake. And Lo’ak. He only spared you a small glance before telling the reef Na’vi girl to stay with Neteyam’s body, gently patting her cheek before he hurried off to follow his Father and Spider.

Even though your mind struggled to process and piece together what just happened, it was still able to process the soft touch Lo’ak bestowed upon the girl in front of you and the sympathetic look he gave her before he left. How she reached out for him as he walked away and the look on her face as she watched. Oh.

Your heart broke at the realization. Lo’ak finally found someone that was suitable for him. Someone that was able to give him the future he deserved. Someone that was able to give him everything you couldn’t. And more tears fell from your eyes, heart crying out at the heartbreak.

Neytiri was right. You should’ve stayed with your own kind.

———

You didn’t stay long for Neteyam’s funeral. As soon as it ended, you treaded your way out of the water and walked somewhere secluded.

It was too much being there. It was hard watching Jake and Neytiri place their eldest son down onto the orange glowing tendrils. It was hard watching him be absorbed by them, disappearing into the glowing mass. Guilt riddled your consciousness, yelling at you that you shouldn’t be there. That it was your fault that he was with Eywa now. That you took away Jake and Neytiri’s firstborn son from their grasp too soon. You felt that your presence itself was a reminder as to why Neteyam was no longer breathing.

So, you sat yourself in a secluded area on the small island, situating yourself between the large rocks that perfectly hid your smaller frame. You didn’t want anyone disturbing you, especially Lo’ak. You didn’t think you’d be able to face him again after tonight.

“You suck at sneaking away, you know that right?” A soft voice spoke out, making you jump in response from its abrupt reveal. You had been sitting in silence for a couple of minutes before you were interrupted.

Turning your head, you saw Kiri standing there, face still painted in the white substance her Mother lathered onto her face before attending her elder brother's funeral. She held a small smile in your presence, leaning down to properly sit by your side.

You only hum and nod your head in response, turning your gaze back towards the lapping waves against the soft sand of the shoreline. You felt unworthy of the girl's presence. Like you shouldn’t stare at her for too long or else Eywa would strike you down with lightning for it. Unworthy of still being her friend even after what had occurred hours prior.

“I do not blame you, (Y/N),” she spoke up, large amber eyes glued to the side of your face. “None of us do. It was not your doing for what happened that night. You were not the one with the gun,” she continued, her blue five-fingered hand coming to rest up against your shoulder in comfort.

Growing up, Kiri always knew what you were feeling by just seeing the expression on your face. It was a bit weird growing up. She knew what you felt even before you could process it yourself. But, oftentimes, you were grateful for someone like Kiri. For someone who knew you so deeply that they didn’t need words to confirm how you felt. She just knew.

Kiri did truly mean the words she spoke. She did not think that Neteyam’s death was yours nor Spiders' doing. You two were just kids who were taken hostage and desperately needed saving. You are just kids. Your whole lives were a cause of an unfortunate event but that doesn’t mean that everything bad that happens to her family and to the other natives of Pandora were solely you and Spider's fault. The two of you shouldn’t carry that heavy burden.

“But, if Lo’ak and Neteyam didn’t come after us – ” you sputtered, tears already welling in your waterline as your throat began to tighten with emotion.

The Na’vi girl knew where you were coming from. What your thought process was and how you felt. A perk of being one of your good friends she supposed.

“But nothing, (Y/N),” she cut you off, voice firm and absolute. There was no way you were going to change her mind about the situation at hand. It wasn’t your fault. Period.

“Neteyam and Lo’ak chose to come after you and Spider. They both knew of the consequences that came with following after you. No one except Quaritch and his men are to blame,” she said with finality, not needing you to further intrude on what she said. No matter how hard you’d try to convince her that it was your fault, she wouldn’t believe you. Her mind had already been made up and you weren’t the one to blame.

Only more tears began to gather and spill from your eyes at your friend's words. It was nice to hear that she, and most likely everyone else, didn’t blame you for what happened. But it didn’t help ease the guilt you felt. Nothing could aid in the guilt you felt deep within. Perhaps with time it would go away, but even then, you highly doubted that.

“Lo’ak still loves you if that is what’s causing this worry,” Kiri whispered out, only loud enough for you to hear just in case anyone else was wandering around.

During their stay at Awa’atlu, Kiri could tell that your absence had deeply disturbed her younger brother. It was evident in everything he did. Lo’ak always had a frown on his face and found excuses to pick fights with Ao’nung and his gang of friends. It was like he didn’t have a reason to behave accordingly or live anymore. Like his sense of self was lost when you were taken by Quaritch and his soldiers. He desperately missed you and she could tell that the only thing he wanted to do was get you back and have you in his arms once again.

Your stomach turned in knots and your heart stopped at Kiri’s comment. Did he really? What about the girl that helped you that night?

“I – I’m not too sure about that. What about the girl?” You asked, face damp with tears. You saw how Lo’ak treated her that night. How he gently put his hand on her cheek and how she reached out for him with a call of his name before leaving the both of you on that rock with Neteyam’s body. How he barely spared you a glance before leaving.

You were confident that he had finally found the one the Great Mother had destined him to be with. You knew that your time together was limited, the clock starting the minute you confessed your feelings to the teen boy. It broke your heart seeing him act that way with her but you knew that he’d eventually come to his senses about you and want to pursue a Na’vi who could actually give him the future he deserved. If anything, you were pleased that he found someone like him. He would no longer be held back by you.

“What? What girl? What are you talking about?” Kiri asked, shock and concern laced within her voice. She knew that Lo’ak was too in love with you to look at anyone else the way he looked at you. So your words confused her immensely. Why did you think he no longer saw you?

The blue girl ransacked her brain for the girl you were insinuating Lo’ak was into. She kept drawing blanks, until her mind settled onto the one person that was a great comfort to Lo’ak during their stay.

“You mean Tsireya?” She asked, a barely audible giggle coming out of her mouth.

To be frank, Kiri found the situation a little funny. Lo’ak was such a lovesick puppy for you that he often refused to talk to anyone who wasn’t you. He continuously asked about you before the two of you got together, always bothering Kiri as she made her way back from the lab. He also handmade many jewelry pieces for you, even if he sucked at it and needed Tuk’s help. Why would you think his affections would change that fast?

“She’s pretty,” you hum, eyes still glued on the moving waves in the distance. Really pretty. “She’s good for him, Ri. She’d be able to give him the future he deserves. Plus, Neytiri would actually like her. It was never in the cards for us,” you finished, voice now eerily calm and void of the sadness you expressed earlier.

Kiri’s mouth fell agape at your words, eyes widening to the size of yovo fruit. What the fuck?

“(Y/N), you cannot mean that. Tsireya and Lo’ak are only friends. That’s all,” she began, trying her best to save you from your overwhelming thoughts before they consumed you whole. “He still loves you. Please believe that,” she pleaded.

You finally tore your gaze from the water and up towards the glowing amber orbs of your friend. “He left me there, Kiri. All alone with no goodbye. Barely even glanced my way before he followed after Spider and Jake,” you confessed, heart breaking all over again at the memory. It was hours before they all returned to the rock. Spider was the only one to comfort you as Lo’ak was too busy with Tsireya. The rest of the family barely even spared you a glance as they pulled each other into an embrace.

Oh, Kiri thought, ears pinning to the sides of her head. Did she interpret Lo’ak and Tsireya’s body language wrong? Were they more than friends?

Neither of you uttered another word, sitting peacefully side by side as the two of you listened to the soothing sound of the lapping waves against the shore. A war was occurring within your head and walls were built to protect you from the oncoming grenades you were sure would be thrown at you by your lover once he confessed that he was no longer in love with you. If you could even call him yours anymore.

From afar, the subject of your conversation was watching the two of you converse. He so desperately wanted to run to you and gather you into his arms and keep you there forever. But, he knew that you were no longer his. He saw how Spider treated you so gently. How he placed a kiss on the crown of your head before scurrying away to lead Jake to the ship. How he was the first one to comfort you when they arrived, beating him in embracing you and soothing you as you sobbed against his bleeding chest. And even though his heart was breaking at the possibility of you no longer loving him, he only wanted you to be happy and if that was with Spider, then he’d let you go.

———

Days had passed since your conversation with Kiri. She had never left your side since, wanting to be there for you as you navigated your grief and heartbreak. Your words still stunned the poor girl. She was sure that you were wrong but she would admit that it was awfully suspicious the amount of times she saw Lo’ak and Tsireya together. And always seeing them together, especially after you pointed it out, didn’t help. Kiri was so sure of her brothers love for you that she nearly laughed in your face once those words left your mouth. But, she too began to doubt the affections her younger brother held for you.

Kiri often spent most of her time around you, but during the times she wasn’t able to, Tuktirey had no problem keeping you company.

“No! You’re doing it wrong,” Tuk exclaimed, groaning over your lack of weaving skills.

The young girl had been attempting to teach you the new way of weaving she had learned during her time on the island. She was so excited to show you what she had learned over the months that she nearly crushed your smaller, human body in a tight hug upon hearing your agreement. The young girl profusely apologized when she heard your panicked wheeze against her collarbone, quickly getting to work after.

“I’m sorry, TukTuk. Weaving’s never really been my thing,” you apologize, gently smiling at the child next to you. She was so excited to show you how to weave the Metkayina way, her eyes practically glowed in excitement once you agreed.

“It’s not your fault, (Y/N). I struggled with it too for some time. It just takes practice,” she responded, a large gummy smile directed your way. “Plus, that just means I can make you more!” She added, trying to lift up your dampened mood.

It seemed as if everything bothered you these days. Like everything was a reminder as to why you’d never be good enough for the secondborn Omatikaya prince. A reminder of the things you couldn’t give Lo’ak. Of the things you couldn’t do to please your mate. Weaving was a huge part of the Omatikaya culture, allowing one to express their gratitude and affection towards their intended. Something that you lacked severe skill in. Sure you could make a few bracelets here and there but it was nothing compared to those of the native Omatikaya who put so much effort into their weaving, going as far as making their own unique weave pattern for their beloved. Even though you wanted to refuse Tuktirey’s plea, for it was another painful reminder that you could never have Lo’ak, you still accepted it and endured the emotional turmoil you experienced. You wouldn’t allow your own feelings to stump Tuk’s happiness and eagerness to share with you something new she learned.

“You can make me as many as you want, Tuk,” you replied, a small smile gracing your lips as you gently patted her head, ruffling her hair in the process. The young girl shrieked at your action, pushing your hand away from her freshly braided hair, giggling afterwards.

You desperately missed moments like these during your captivity. You missed playing around with the Sully children and hearing Tuk’s high pitched giggle as she ran away from your hands as you reached out to tickle her. You missed Kiri’s wise words as she spoke about whatever came to mind. You missed Lo’ak’s comforting embrace as he enveloped you into his arms whenever you needed it. You missed Neteyam’s kind nature, helping you out whenever you found yourself falling behind. You’d always miss Neteyam, his absence another reminder as to why you would never be enough for the one you loved.

A loud cough from the doorway of the marui pod broke you and Tuk out of your giggling fit, both of you whipping your heads to the figure standing in front of the opening. Your heart dropped at who was in front of you.

“Mom!” Tuktirey squealed, jumping up to her feet and towards her sa’nok.

You could tell that Neytiri wasn’t excited about your presence, her hardened glare never leaving your face even as she bent down to embrace her youngest child. Over the course of the days following Neteyam’s funeral, Neytiri was colder towards you and Spider. She rarely ever let her children see you and often fought with Jake on this matter. She always argued about the same thing. How you and Spider weren’t good for her children. How the both of you deserved to be with your people. How you bring nothing but pain to this family. That if Jake never took the both of you in, they wouldn’t be in the position. You heard most of what she was yelling about almost every night, your shared guilt with Spider growing evermore.

“I…uh…I think I should get going Tuk. I just remembered that Kiri wanted to show me around somewhere,” you awkwardly said, smiling at the young girl before quickly heading out, barely giving her enough time to say her goodbyes to you.

You sped walk out from the Sully’s pod and onto the soft sand of Awa’atlu. You knew that you were no longer welcomed in Neytiri’s presence and you respected her wishes by excusing yourself and making your way out. It was the least you could do considering all that she went through.

Hours passed by with you sitting in the same place Kiri found you days prior, just thinking. Something that you found yourself doing way too often. It was hard to get out of your head and even harder for others to help you out of it. Most days, Spider wasn’t even able to help you with your problem and he almost always was able to save you from your own mind. Today was no exception regarding getting yourself stuck in your head and going around in circles.

“(Y/N)?” A soft voice asked, effectively pulling you out from your stupor.

Your eyes shifted from where they were glued to onto the person standing next to you, making your whole body tense and stomach churn in anxiety. Tsireya.

The light blue Na’vi girl stood in front of you with a look of concern etched on her face. Her skin was covered in a thin line of droplets, a clear sign she had just came back from a swim. You wondered if she felt bad for you and approached you out of pity. If Lo’ak had told her about your past together and if she was approaching you to inform you about their new union. If she was here to tell you about what her and the other Metkayina thought of you, preparing yourself for harsh insults and words.

“Are you okay?” She asks, sitting on her knees as she leaned forward a bit, big blue eyes practically staring into your soul.

Your eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. You were usually very careful in how your body reacted whenever you got stuck in thought. Always giving yourself time to release the tension in your body and relax before returning back to the thought you put on pause. So you were very confused as to why Tsireya was concerned with if you were okay or not.

“You just…seemed lost in thought.” She says, hands gently folding together in her lap. “I’ve noticed that your hair,” she points to your eyebrows, “come together when you’re thinking. Lo’ak does the same thing.”.

Your heart sped up at the mention of Lo’ak’s name, only for it to drop again once you realize who’s talking to you. Keep yourself in check (Y/N), you thought to yourself, you’re in the prescence of Lo’ak’s mate. Of course she knows things like that about him. You shouldn’t act like this.

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine!” You reply, a half assed smile creeping up on your lips, not quite reaching your eyes like it usually does. There was no way in hell that you’d tell Tsireya what was going on inside your head. That wasn’t a burden she needed on her shoulders.

The girl didn’t look too convinced at your response but didn’t push it further. She only nodded and continued to look at you, big eyes studying your human features. Tsireya had rarely seen you around and when she did, it was very brief before you disappeared out of sight again. So she couldn’t help but look at you as you sat there. You were very pretty, she noted. No wonder Lo’ak fell so helplessly in love with her, she thought. Your beauty was something Tsireya had never seen before.

“Tsireya!” A gruff and deep voice shouted, catching the girls attention as she turned her back towards the voice. It was her Father.

“Oh. I’m sorry (Y/N), but I have to go. I do hope you feel better soon,” she quickly said before walking away, her tail swinging gently from side to side as she strides away.

The whole encounter you had with the girl made you even more confused and sad. She was so nice to you. She gave you no reason to hate her. But you couldn’t help but feel it as she left you there, longing for the life you could never have.

———

“You’re being so sulky,” Spider murmured, arms crossed as he watched you stare at your food in front of you.

Norm and Max had cooked dinner nearly two hours ago and you were the only one who hadn’t finished your plate. You didn’t have much of an appetite these days either. You were too occupied with thinking or trying to avoid Lo’ak at all costs to properly eat. You knew it wasn’t something you should be doing but you found yourself doing it anyway.

“You haven’t even talked to him! You don’t know if it’s true or not,” he continued, sick of seeing both you and Lo’ak moping around and avoiding each other at every turn. He’s told the both of you multiple times to just talk about it but the both of you were too stubborn for your own good.

You ignored Spider’s comment, rolling your eyes at the boy besides you. You really didn’t need him meddling in your business.

Your silence was Spider’s last straw as he slammed his hands against the metal table, surprising you and making you jump back at the action. Your plate shifted and jumped in its place, the fork clattering onto the floor.

“Fine. If neither of you want to talk this out on your own, then I’ll do it for you,” he exclaimed, jumping up from his seat and hauling you up from yours by your arm.

“Are you fucking crazy?” You screamed, trying to pry Spider’s fingers off of your bicep.

He only scoffed at your response and shook his head, leading you to the entrance of the lab that sat in the secluded parts of the island, tossing you a mask before shoving you out of the metal lab and out into the Pandora air.

Shortly after the events with Quaritch and the tulkun hunters, Norm and Max had decided that it would be best if they put one of their smaller labs on Awa’atlu for the two of you. It was definitely smaller than the lab you lived in at High Camp, but you didn’t complain. At least you had somewhere to go and hide whenever you didn’t want to see Lo’ak that particular day.

“You fucker!” You shouted, banging the flat of your palm up against the glass of the door. Spider only ignored your calls from the inside, eating your untouched food. You groaned in frustration as you watched the boy simply devour your cold food.

Rustling of leaves were heard from your right, making your heart stop in its confines in anxiety. Your breath hitched in your throat as you slowly turned your head to see who or what caused the noise, especially this late at night. Your stomach dropped to the floor once you saw those familiar amber eyes peek out from behind a shrub.

“Lo’ak?” You whispered, not trusting your voice at the moment.

Upon hearing your voice, the culprit perked up, completely revealing themselves to you.

“Yawne?” He asked, unsure if he should move closer to you or stay where he was. Lo’ak had been craving to be in your presence ever since his brothers funeral. He only wanted you in his arms again and even though he had you back, he didn’t completely have you.

The two of you stood there, in front of each other for a while, neither of you daring to move closer or speak up first.

It was strange to see you after not having seen you for months. You looked the same but didn’t at the same time. Lo’ak didn’t know how he didn’t notice the first time he saw you on that ship. You looked more mature. Like you had seen or experienced something you shouldn’t have.

“How are you?” Lo’ak asks, finally breaking the awkward silence between the two of you.

You internally scoffed at that question, shaking your head as you did so. Yeah, I’m totally fine. Leaving me with your dead brother for hours didn’t do anything to me at all.

“Fine,” you answer, beginning to try to open the lab door with all your might, shaking the lock. Spider must’ve locked it from the inside or something, you thought, promising yourself that you would choke the boy out once you got back into the lab.

Lo’ak flinched at your rough voice and repetitive shaking of the door, ears drawing downwards as he watched. He’s never seen you act so violent before. Never seen you so desperate to get back into the lab. Usually, back in the forest, you’d do anything and everything to stay out of the lab for as long as you could. So to see you act the opposite made Lo’ak frown, especially since it was because he was out with you.

“Yawne,” Lo’ak tried again, taking a step closer to you before quickly drawing back as you scowled at him to stay where he was. “What is wrong? Talk to me, please,” the boy pleaded, tail falling limp between his legs.

“I told you. Nothing. Nothing is wrong,” you replied, eyes never leaving the stupid handle of the door you were trying to pry open.

Lo’ak knew you were lying. Something was most definitely wrong. He could see it in your eyes. How badly you wanted to share whatever was bothering you but something withheld you from uttering the words. It made him ever the more desperate to get you to talk to him.

The boy knew that showing up at the lab unannounced wasn’t going to get you to talk to him, especially since he too was also ignoring your existence. That he’d have to try harder in order to get you to speak with him.

“Yawne –”.

“Stop! Stop calling me that! I am not your yawne!” You shouted, ceasing your prying of the locked metal door. Hearing that term come out of his mouth made you want to cry. It made you want to scream, kick, and hit him for calling you that when you knew that he called another it. He had Tsireya to be his yawne. That was no longer a title you held.

Confusion and hurt spread itself across Lo’ak’s face, brows furrowing together in confusion. What did you mean? Why were you no longer his beloved?

“Why? Why not?” He shouted back, anger quickly arising within the teen boy. “What have I done to make you angry with me?” He asked, ears drawing further downward and pressing harder against the side of his skull.

You wanted to pull at your hair in frustration and anger. You just wanted to go inside and pass out before having to face the Sully family again. You wanted Lo’ak to leave you alone in your heartbreak. To stop haunting your dreams. To stop reminding you of the life you longed to have with him.

“Nothing and everything, Lo’ak!” You screamed, finally fed up, “You have done nothing and yet have done everything to upset me. First, you leave me with Neteyam for hours. You left me alone with the body of someone who I loved. You left me alone in my grieving. I had to wash away the blood and grime from his body as you did what? Fight Quaritch? Get Spider nearly killed? Then…then you touched her so lovingly. So gently. When you barely even spared me a glance. You comforted her and hugged her so tight to yourself that I couldn’t tell where you started and she ended.”.

“I only wanted you to comfort me. To hold me as I cried. But you were too busy with her. And I understand, Lo’ak. I do. As much as it pains me to realize and say it. I know that you and Tsireya are together, a thing. It’s as obvious as the mask that I need. And it’s okay. Really. I knew that whatever this was, it wasn’t going to last. I am human and you deserve so much more than what I can give you. I cannot give you children, make the bond with you, or even be properly considered one of the People. You deserve someone who could give you that. Give you everything and more. I mean, Tsireya is Tsakarem for crying out loud! She is much more suited to be your mate than I am, Lo’ak.”.

By the time you were finished with your speech, your chest was rising up and down dramatically, trying to gulp down air as quickly as the mask would let you. You knew that once you expressed your feelings and how you felt, it would change everything. So in order to ignore Lo’ak’s intense gaze and to prevent yourself from succumbing to the need to cry, you began your attempts at trying to open up the locked door or at least trying to get someone’s attention so they’d save you.

Your hands began to hit the door again, switching to messing with the door handle after a couple of beats pass with no one coming to your rescue.

“I confessed.” Lo’ak blurted out, desperation covered his face. His ears were fully up in alert, twitching at the sound of your hands stopping against the hard metal of the lab.

You stopped your movements, standing on the stairs of the lab in shock, trying to process the words that just came out of the boy's mouth. Confessed? What did he mean by confessed?

He needed you to know that what you were saying wasn’t true. That he wasn’t seeing Tsireya and that he’ll never see her in that light as he sees you. That his heart only held love for you and no one else. That your entire being consumed him heart, body, and soul.

“I told my Mother about us. About our relationship. About how much I love you. About how much I adore and see you. About that night at the Tree of Souls. I told her everything,” he rambled, tears clinging to his waterline as he tried to hurriedly blink them away. “She wasn’t happy about it, obviously. But, I didn’t care. I still don’t. Tsireya and I have never and will never be a thing. My heart only beats for you. My lungs only breathe for you. My body and soul only long for you. Everything is only ever for you, ma yawne. I hold so much love for you that it hurts. Did you know that the afternoon I heard of a young boy and girl being held captive at the Ta’unui clan, I almost immediately took off on my ilu to get you back? That I fought with my Sa’nok over you? That’s when I told her. Everyone heard and I don’t care that they did. I would scream out my love for you on the highest floating mountain if you asked me to. I’d do anything for you, (Y/N). Please, please believe that.”.

Lo’ak took in deep breaths once he finished his speech, desperately trying to fill his lungs with air after depriving them of it. He hoped that what he said was enough to get you to see how he felt about you, how he still felt about you. And if you didn’t, then he’d try again and again and again until he ran out of air to breathe. He needed you in his life. He didn’t care that you couldn’t bare him children or make tshaleyu with him. All he needed was you and that would be enough for all of his lifetimes.

“Lo’ak,” you croaked out, hot tears running down your cheeks and gathering at the bottom of your mask. You had no idea that he felt that strongly for you. Sure he mentioned some things from time to time but he never seemed this serious about it. You could feel the emotions of his words as they hit you square in the face.

“I don’t care if you can’t carry my children or that you can’t make the bond with me. I don’t. I only care that you’re in my life and that you love me just as much. You have been such a big part of my life for so long that I can’t imagine you not in it. Nga yawne lu oer,” Lo’ak finally finishes, kneeling on his two knees to get to your height, gently taking your softer hands in his rougher one’s.

All of the doubts you had about yourself and the relationship you had with the boy in front of you vanished the moment he touched you. Like everything else disappeared and it was only you two in the world.

“I am so sorry if it seemed like I had any interest in Tsireya, my love,” Lo’ak whispered, bringing your hands up to his lips as he pecked them with a kiss, “To be honest, I thought Spider and you were a thing as well.”.

At his confession, you bursted out laughing, not being able to hold in your reaction to the ridiculous thought.

“I know, I know,” Lo’ak tsked, shaking his head, “I had asked Spider about it and he had the same exact reaction. He wouldn’t shut up about it either, telling me how ridiculous I was for thinking such a thing. As well as how much of an idiot I was too.”.

“Well,” you hummed, taking your hands out of your boyfriends and placed them onto his blue cheeks, “I guess we’re both idiots then.”.

Lo’ak chuckled at your response, shaking his head as he finally brought you into his arms, immediately burying his head into the crook of your neck as he got a sniff of your dearly missed scent. Your arms wrapped themselves around his neck as he held you close, almost completely enveloping you in his body.

“I’m sorry for assuming,” you speak up, fingers running through Lo’ak’s braids. You felt bad for immediately assuming Lo’ak would move on that fast and get with Tsireya. You knew it wasn’t something he’d do but your overwhelming insecurities took over.

The Na’vi boy only hums, burying his head farther into your neck. “It’s okay,” he said, “I did the same. Nothing to stress about now. I got you back and that’s all that matters”.

The two of you sat there for what felt like only minutes but was hours in reality. The sun had begun to poke through the horizon, sunrise vastly approaching.

“Wanna go inside? We could spend the morning sleeping and cuddling if you want,” you suggest, eyelids getting droopy as your lack of last nights sleep began to catch up with you. You shifted your head so it laid on Lo’ak’s shoulder, yawning as you did so.

Your lover only nodded in agreement, delicately moving into the small lab and removing your mask from your face, placing a kiss on your forehead as you began to snore in Lo’ak’s arms. He smiled down at you before making his way to your established room, content with how the night turned out.

As he gently laid you in the soft bed and tucked the both of you in, he knew that he’d gladly spend the rest of his life with you so as long as you pleased. That there was no one else but you that he truly saw himself with. The teen would do anything for you, no matter what it entailed.

#lana's recommendations #everyone read this #avatar rec's #lo'ak rec's #lo'ak te suli tsyeyk'itan

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oddaodd · 3 years ago

Text

· I Don't Go In For Sweets ·

Request: by a lovely anon "set after the events of season 3. Tommy can't handle the company, he's still grieving and he has to be there for Charlie so Polly tells him she knows a girl from a good family to get married He ends up agreeing (aunt Pol can be very persuasive) but even though he's married, this new girl isn't considered as a wife. He doesn't really make any effort but his "wife" understands, he's a widowed father who lost his first wife only a year ago. However since they are...in this, she wants to make her time as enjoyable as possible for the both of them and for Charlie too. But no matter what Tommy makes it a point of honor to not let her in, to not let her replace Grace so he ignores her, he works more, tries to spend as little as possible in the house. Reader stays patient, it will be alright and Charlie is making her quite busy anyway. One night, Tommy comes home completely drunk and maybe a bit high too, he can't even make it to his office. Thankfully Reader is still awake, she takes care of him and Tommy just...melts at how gentle Reader is, he may be able to keep his distant while sober but it's much harder in his state. He admits to her how he's been feeling and all. Ever since that night, something changed, Tommy feels some comfort, some solace being around her, she accepts him wholly, even his flaws, the bad side of his business and she tries to provide some sort of safe place for when it gets too hard." (I edited the request because it was very long, but I kept all essential parts in there)

Author’s note: I loved loved loved writing this and it ended up being SUPER long, but I’m very happy with how it turned out. As always, I hope you like it and have the loveliest of days!

Warnings: season 3 SPOILERS sort of, but not really, still read at your own risk. Arranged marriage, mentions of alcohol and drugs, angst.

“Thomas, you may not be able to see it, but you’re breaking apart” Polly spoke with a sigh as she lit a cigarette after everyone was dismissed from a family meeting.

Everyone had left Tommy’s office in arrow house rather gaily after receiving their fair compensations for partaking in the whole Russian ordeal, all except Polly, who remained where she sat, wishing for a word with her nephew

Tommy merely scoffed at her concern before lighting his own cigarette and taking a puff “I’ll be alright”

“And Charlie?” Pol pressed knowing Tommy’s mourning was not only affecting him, but Charlie as well. “What about him?”

“He’s fine” He said before turning around to look through the window, ignoring his Aunt’s heavy stare.

“You take too much after your mother” she sighed half angry half sad “she too loved pretending everything was alright and I don’t need to remind you where that lead her”

Tommy sighed deeply, he knew he could fool anyone. Anyone but Polly. “We’ll manage”

“Consider my offer” Polly said standing up and making her way to the door “Y/n is a good girl from a good family” she persuaded before leaving the room.

Tommy sighed at his Aunt’s words, he wasn’t ready to get married again even when he knew the woman he would be marrying was a nice one. He felt like he was spitting on Grace’s grave and he hated himself for even considering the prospect, but he knew a mother figure would be good for Charlie.

He spent the rest of the day pondering about Polly’s suggestion and remembering his own childhood in the shadow of the absent tortured presence that his mother had been. It didn’t take him long to decide he didn’t want that for Charlie, so that same night he phoned Polly.

“I’ll do it” was all he said before hanging up. There was no need for more words, Polly would know exactly what he meant.

Exactly a week later, Tom was standing in the altar of a church that was significantly smaller than the one from his first wedding. The fact that everything about this wedding was so obscenely different from his first did soothe his guilt a bit. And as he stood there he couldn’t keep his mind from traveling to the days leading up to his wedding to Grace. She had made sure everything was perfect and had made an effort to invite every single relative she could think of. She remembered her rambling on an on about fabrics, insisting that everything ought to be perfect when he in all honestly couldn’t care less, he just wanted to marry her.

All his thoughts vanished away with a poof when Y/n came into sight. And what a sight she was. She had insisted on doing her own makeup and on pinning flowers to her hair to compliment her headpiece and her elegant, yet simple white dress flowed almost mystically as her father gave her away. She had never imagined she would be marrying someone she didn’t know, but she wanted to look her best for getting married is not something people do everyday.

When she stood in the altar, she offered her to be husband a smile which he did not return, instead turning his attention to the priest before them. She mirrored his actions, her heart beating violently under her chest as the priest began speaking.

It all felt like a blur, she could swear it had only been a second since her father had given her away and yet, the priest had already uttered the dreaded “you may now kiss the bride”

Tommy barely brushed his lips against hers and soon the sound of everyone clapping invaded her ears. They had a small party afterwards in Y/n’s former house. Her parents had invited pretty much all of their acquaintances while tommy had only invited his close relatives.

When night fell Tommy was more than ready to leave “Are you ready to go?” was one of the few sentences he uttered to his now wife that night.

She again offered him a smile before saying “yeah just let me say goodbye”

The drive to arrow house was tense, although Y/n didn’t know Thomas very well she would tell he was unhappy. She wondered about what to say to him, but couldn’t come up with anything good enough and soon enough they were pulling over in front of Tommy’s stately home.

“Charlie must already be asleep, but I'll introduce you tomorrow” he said opening Y/n’s door for her.

“It’s alright” she said looking at him, not quite knowing what to do next.

“Your parents sent some of your belongings, I've already asked the maids to take them up to your-our room” he said

“Thank you, Thomas” she smiled as she walked into the big house not yet feeling close enough to him to call him Tommy.

His name falling from her lips caused an echo of bittersweet emotions to stir inside him but he masked it perfectly well as she introduced Y/n to the maids that went to the door to take their coats.

“Frances here will show you the way to the room” he said after having made introductions.

“This way, Mrs” Frances politely said.

Y/n began following her but stopped when she didn’t hear Tommy’s footsteps behind her own.

“Are you not coming?” she asked turning to look at him.

“Maybe in a bit” was all he said before he walked away down one of the many spacious hallways of the house.

After Y/n made herself comfortable in the room and changed into her nightgown she took the time to peek around the room like one always does when one is a strange place. After familiarizing herself with it she laid down in the big bed. She was nervous, she knew what happened on wedding nights. A small chuckle stopped at her lips when she recalled the stories her close already married girlfriends told her. If she hadn’t married a complete stranger she too would be looking forward to it.

Her thoughts ended up luring her to sleep after a while despite her nerves and the night went by in a ridiculously fast flash. The next morning she woke up alone and after getting ready she made her way downstairs. Tommy and Charlie were already in the dining room when she entered it.

“good morning” she said

Charlie immediately turned his attention to her, his eyes widening while his dad merely glanced at her while he muttered a “Good morning “ of his own.

Y/n sat down next to Tommy while he cleared his throat “charles, this is Y/n. We got married yesterday so she’ll be living with us from now on”

Charlie merely nodded in understanding before playing around with his food.

A tense air flooded breakfast until Tommy stood up, having barely touched his food and spoke turning to look at Y/n “I have to go now, if you need anything feel free to ask Frances”

“Alright” Y/n replied feeling a bit disappointed, she would love to get to know him, but she already knew it was going to be difficult.

“I have to go too” Charlie announced in a timid voice, interrupting Y/n’s thoughts. Despite her disappointment she understood, maybe he was just shy and his dad just reticent. They had lost a wife and a mother after all.

The first few days after that, Charlie avoided her nearly as much as his father did and Y/n remained in lonely patience until one night Charlie’s cries interrupted her focus on the book that she had just bought. She rushed to his room and called out his name as she entered not knowing if the boy would be comfortable with her or not.

“What is it?” she asked worried as she knelt by his bed.

“I miss my mum” the boy confessed looking at her with teary eyes as he clutched his blanket.

Y/n felt her heart give a small ache at his confession and in an attempt to comfort him she spoke “She’s not really gone, you know?”

“She’s dead” the boy sobbed.

“but people who die, don’t leave us. Not really anyhow” she said hesitantly rubbing his arm. “just because we cant see them doesn’t mean they are not here”

“I miss seeing her” he continued.

“Oh but you can still see her”

“how”

“before you go to bed just think about her, then she’ll visit you in your dreams” Y/n spoke as if she was telling a fairy tale.

“really?” the boy’s eyes widened.

“really” Y/n confirmed “But you have to think really really hard”

“I’ll try” Charlie said having calmed down a bit.

“very well” Y/n said as she stood up, but Charlie’s voice stopped her.

“can you stay till I fall asleep?”

After that night, Charlie hardly left Y/n’s side and she felt much better with his company for she was sure if he wasn’t there keeping her on her toes all day she would fall into a depressive chasm induced by her husband’s absence.

On the rare moments he was home she tried to strike up conversation with him over breakfast or late at night when he came home and she was burdened by insomnia. But Tommy only humored her with a few short responses before excusing himself or turning to face the other side of the bed.

It wasn’t only the fact that he avoided her as much as he could, but he also made it a priority to exclude her at all times. She was never invited into family meetings or night’s at The Garrison so she thought it was a miracle when tommy didn’t oppose to her planning Charlie’s birthday party.

She invited only Tommy’s family which instantly warmed up to her, noticing what a good influence she was and Polly wanted to slap Thomas for the way he had been acting throughout his marriage to Y/n. Almost feeling guilty for getting her into this mess.

When the party ended Tommy shut himself in his office like he often did when he was at home and though he had never given Y/n a reason to believe she was welcome in there of all places, she found herself allowing herself in after putting Charlie to bed.

Tommy looked up as she entered and let out a sigh before turning his attention back to some papers he had been reading.

“I noticed you didn’t have any” she commented not letting his sigh deflate her as she laid a plate with a slice of homemade chocolate cake on his desk. “it’s really good if I may say so myself” she mused sitting down in a chair opposite to his as she dug in with a fork in her own slice.

“I don’t go in for sweets” he stated.

“Not even chocolate?” Y/n tried, but tommy didn’t answer, instead he just shook his head.

“I still think you should try it, it’s not overly sweet, and…”

“is there anything you need?” he interrupted bluntly a bit harsher than he would’ve liked.

His tone caught her off guard and when she couldn’t come up with an answer tommy again turned his attention back to his papers.

“I wish you could let me in” She softly confessed after a few tense seconds.

“Well I wish we hadn’t married but I guess things don’t always go the way we want them to go”

Tommy knew he had crossed a line by the silence that again settled into the room. He looked up at Y/n with her parted lips and misty eyes. They exchanged glances for a second but instead of allowing him to see her like that any longer, she stood up setting her plate on his desk and walked away, only allowing a few tears to drop by when she was out of the room and his sight.

After that she stopped trying to get closer to him. He still loved his late wife and she understood, people in grief never mean what they say after all, but his words stung nonetheless.

She stopped trying to wait for him at night to see if he had gotten home alright and during breakfast she only uttered polite good mornings.

One night however, Y/n was yanked out of a peaceful sleep by a loud crash. She was on her feet in no time and after checking into Charlie’s room to see if he was alright she cautiously ventured downstairs. A few incoherent mumbles filled her ears before her husband came into sight, fumbling with his coat to get it off.

“need help?” she asked earning his attention.

“I’m fine” he said finally taking it off but as he went to take a step to begin walking the floor under him moved and he lost his balance, his knees crashing loudly against the wooden floor.

Y/n offered him a hand and helped him up. He smelled of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands were shaky, consequence of the snow, no doubt. “let’s get you upstairs”

“I can do it on me own” he slurred letting go of her hand.

“stop being so stubborn” she derided, snaking one of her arms around his waist as she helped him upstairs.

Y/n helped him into bed, tookoff his shoes and went to the bathroom to fetch a small towel and some cold water.

She dampened the towel with the cold water before dabing it gently on Tommy’s forehead. His eyes never leaving her face as she did so, making her grow a bit nervous. She continued, trying her best to ignore it until she felt his hand softly caressing her cheek.

“You are beautiful” he rasped.

“Stop it, Thomas” she said feeling her cheeks grow red when she felt a bit sad that he had to be completely drunk to compliment her.

Even in his drunken state he seemed to notice he was making her uncomfortable so he held his tongue until Y/n laid in bed next to him after turning on the lights.

“I’m sorry” he interrupted the silence “For the way I’ve been acting” the whiskey and cocaine making him more vulnerable and open “I guess I was afraid that if I let you in then she would disappear”

He didn’t expect her to answer, but then her voice came in a soft exhausted tone“ I don’t intend to replace her. You don’t need to act all defensive and secretive. Even if it’s not what you wanted, we are married.”

“I Know” was all he said.

Y/n expected him to withdraw more from her after showing himself that vulnerable to her that night but she was wrong. He began arriving home earlier, sometimes even asking if he could come along on the walks she and Charlie so much adored going on. And Y/n finally felt her marriage was going somewhere maybe it wasn’t based on love yet, but it was something.

One day she was at the stables while Charlie was taking a nap. She had always adored horses.

“I didn’t know you liked horses” came Tommy’s smooth voice causing her to jump.

“You never asked” she smiled petting a black horse as he walked closer to her.

“We could go out for a ride, I’m sure Charlie wouldn’t mind letting you borrow his horse” Tommy offered as he too began to pet the horse, his fingers brushing against Y/n’s for a brief second.

“I’d love to, but I am afraid I don’t know how to ride, Tommy” she said, panicking for a second after having called him that. But she rested assured as soon as he spoke again.

“Well that can be fixed” he said opening the door of the stall and guiding the horse outside.

“You mean now?” Y/n asked with a laugh.

“Got something better to do?” he asked walking out of the stable with the horse. Y/n observed tommy as he prepared the horse. She had never seen him so gentle and calm before and she only realized she had been staring when Tommy directed his attention to her to ask her if she was ready.

“I think so” she said going to stand next to the horse wondering how the hell to climb up. But before she had any more time to think she felt Tommy’s hands on her waist giving her a push that allowed her to pull herself up on the animal. It was a good thing she had chosen to wear slacks that day, she thought.

“Goodness this is high” she said nervously looking down at Tommy when he began guiding the horse to move in a slow walk.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall” he promised repressing a mirthful tone at her nervousness.

He guided the horse with her around the property in the crisp evening air and Y/n allowed herself to relax with every step the horse took. Tommy’s presence made her feel safe and protected and she found it increasingly harder to look away from his figure. She wondered if he could feel her eyes on him.

When the sky began turning soft shades of purple and orange the pair returned to the stables. When the time came from Y/n to come down from the horse, tommy helped her again. Y/n began to love the feeling of him touching her and when her feet touched the ground in front of Thomas, he didn’t remove his hands from her waist right away and instead fixed his blue eyes on her, not wanting to stop looking at her.

She too fixed her eyes on Tommy as she felt a silent gasp in the base of her throat. That was the way she would’ve liked him to look at her on their wedding day. Tommy then leaned in, almost as if he were asking for permission before he tenderly pressed his lips to Y/n’s.

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @peakyxtommy @nyotamalfoy @writeroutoftime @babylooneytoonz @slytherinicequeen @lilymurphy03

#tommy shelby request #tommy shelby #tommy shelby angst #tommy shelby fluff #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby one shot #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby request #thomas shelby one shot #thomas shelby fluff #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby angst #peaky blinders angst #peaky blinders request #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders one shot #peaky blinder one shot #peaky blinder imagine

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