#not to completely scrap everything i've done so far but...

[amonsteronmaplestreet]

Hi. My name's Seann. I'm writing this plea for myself, for my girlfriend Natalie, and for our guinea pig Edgar (full name Edgar Allen Pig).

Put simply, we are in debt. And at present, we can't get out of it. One these debts is Natalie's car payment, and if something isn't done about it immediately, we will be in serious danger of losing, well, everything.

Our Story

We moved in together about a year and a half ago. It was an exciting time. We love each other, and we were eagerly looking forward to truly starting our lives together. But a run of truly terrible bad luck started darkening our bright future.

First, and perhaps most dramatic, Natalie was trampled by a horse. She recovered, obviously, but the medical bills from her bruised and cracked ribs were a huge financial strain. Then more medical bills piled up less than just two months later: she was in a car accident. This left her car totaled beyond repair, and she ended up having to get a new one.

With her savings wiped out, we needed to work more to make to make up for it, but here's the catch: we both work with dogs. I'm an attendant at a doggie daycare and Natalie a groomer. The thing about grooming is that you need to utilize your upper body strength to lift up dogs and work with them, and with her injuries Natalie had temporarily slow down her work, which meant less money.

Still, we persisted. I ended up begging for money on Ko-Fi to make up the shortfall, but at last we got our apartment and the day of our move arrived. It was at this point, fate crapped all over us once again: when I walked out to my car that morning, it wouldn't start.

In fact, my car had completely broken down. I ended up unable to repair it. In the end, I had to scrap it and rely on the bus to take me to and from work. I have been doing this ever since we moved, and now a commute that should take twenty minutes takes anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half, and requires me to walk a mile every time, leaving me tired and exhausted every day, with little time left over for anything else.

But we have each other. And we have Edgar. And even though it's been a struggle, we've managed to build a life together.

I love her. I love her so damn much. And it kills me that I don't have the money or resources to support her as much as I feel she deserves. No one ever got rich at a doggie daycare. My other source of income is writing, which is even less stable and less lucrative. I've tried. I've tried so hard. But once more I'm here, begging for the generosity of strangers online.

Our Car

My work is directly on the bus route. Natalie's is not. Her job is out in the more wooded part of our area, where public transportation options are few and far between. I may be able to get by without a car, but she absolutely cannot. Her ability to continue working rests on having one.

Like I said, it's been a struggle. But there's been a light at the end of the tunnel. Recently, the owner of Natalie's shop offered her the entire business. She is now, as of just six days ago, the owner of her own dog grooming salon. I'm so proud of her. This is huge!

But just like when we moved in together, some new problem has arisen.

When it comes to dog grooming, right now's the slow season. Natalie's doing her best, but even her most optimistic guesses don't have the business picking up until 2025. We're barely making rent right now, and we've had to take on some extra debt to get by, and in all the chaos and struggling, she fell behind on her car payments.

Now they're threatening to take the car away.

What We Need

So here we are. I'm going to take on more debt, via my Affirm card, to cover what she owes. Or rather, a chunk of what she owes. I'm close to the limit of what's approved for my account. But if Natalie loses that car, then she can't get to work, and her new business will be done for before it ever had a chance.

Which brings us to this. Which brings us to today.

I chose to set the goal for this campaign at $6000. I do not expect to reach it. There are people out there who need the money far more than we do, and I have nothing to offer to anyone who donates. But we'll take what we can get.

We owe $1400 on the car. That's the priority. If by some miracle we can raise that much, I'll be eternally grateful. The remaining $4600 would then go paying off our debts. My pie-in-the-sky is that we can at least get enough to put a dent in what we owe, and lower our monthly payments to something more manageable. By then, hopefully, business will have picked up, and we can devote ourselves to building our future together.

Writing this has not been easy. I feel like an incredible failure. I've failed in providing security to the one I love, and that's always going to weigh on me.

But if any of you reading this can find it in yourselves to ease our burden, then from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

[flanaganfilm]

I’m curious what the challenges are to working with kids- such as in both Haunting series. All the child actors did a fantastic job but I can imagine it can be harder to direct kids vs adults.

The biggest challenge I've had working with kids is just logistical - they are not permitted to work nearly as many hours as their adult co-stars. And they have strictly regimented breaks between work periods that must be used for school. On projects where a younger actor needs to be in the majority of scenes (like Oculus or Before I Wake) it can create an enormous scheduling puzzle. Also, in a lot of markets they cannot work past a certain hour of night. We call it "pumpkining." So we'll need scramble to get all of their scenes done before they "pumpkin" and have to go home, leaving us with nothing to shoot - but with hours left on our day.

When it comes to the actual acting, I have spent my career being pleasantly surprised (if not downright shocked) by how prepared, professional, and precise they are. I've been very lucky, as well - I have worked with some of the absolute best young actors in the entire business. Jacob Tremblay, Lulu Wilson, Kyliegh Curran, McKenna Grace, Julian Hilliard, Violet McGraw, Annalise Basso, Garrett Ryan, Amelie Smith, Ben Ainsworth, Paxton Singleton - I mean these really are the A-team. Jacob Tremblay was 7 years old when we shot Before I Wake and he had to carry almost the whole movie. Not only did Jake show up completely prepared with his scene work every day (and delivered a heartbreaking performance), he also was prepared for his scene partners - I distinctly remember a few times Thomas Jane forgot his lines, and Jake casually reminded him what they were. That can sometimes create friction with actors on set, but because it was little Jake feeding him the lines, Tom just smiled and thanked him. I was very nervous when we were filming episode 6 of Hill House, which consists of several very long, unbroken takes. The second of these shots was a 10 minute take through Hill House that involved all five of my youngest actors. In that episode, if someone forgot a line, missed a mark, or didn't land in precisely the right place at precisely the right moment, we'd have to scrap everything we'd shot so far and start over. It was insanely difficult. I was very nervous that the kids (the youngest of which was 6) would not be up to the challenge. But when we filmed episode 6 of Hill House, the only actor in the entire cast who ever forgot a line during filming was the seasoned, established Oscar winner. The kids were PERFECT.

I've been very lucky in my career. I think I've worked with some of the absolute best young actors in the business. I have had challenges and intense difficulties with actors on my sets, but each and every one of those difficult people were grownups.

[auguryofjellyfish]

Man can't believe Wada isn't just the sole survivor of the Home Side trio anymore, but he's the sole survivor of the Student Staff, bro must have 2x the survivor's guilt

lies on the floor…yeah...it's worse...

near the end of the 4th trial, when people started giving justifications for why watari makes the most sense as the one who started the fire, ojima said that she knew they had nine-volt batteries, more than that, she could have gotten the idea for using one in the first place by seeing wada tinker with the shake light.

goddamn...why the fuck did he say that?

like, thanks ojima. knowing him wada's definitely believing they died because of him after this...what the hell. it doesn't matter that it wasn't his fault, again. that he had no control over watari's actions, and if she hadn't known about the batteries, she would have easily found another method. it doesn't matter. he got sick, isono gave him protection, she died. he was weak, letting tsuno do everything for him, she died. he was trying to be helpful, to do something for everyone, watari and hama died. you know, wada's curse, everything i touch dies, all my friends are dead har har, it was just a funny meme but now it's realer than ever.

i can't keep anything alive. no matter what i do, or how hard i try. if you were still here, and i was dead, everything would be better. for everyone.

it's wrong to blame yourself for every single thing in your life. it's a cognitive distortion, he's full of them, but he won't talk about this to any other person ever, how is anyone supposed to change his mind? on the other hand...this in particular is not that irrational of him to believe. after all, hiroaki told him to his face that it was his fault isono died. and he took that to heart.

he had only recently rejoined the school staff, and now it's been obliterated. it's beyond survivor's guilt. in his place i would feel like the mere fact of my existence is a curse.

isono, tsuno, and now watari, and hama. the one who was as passionate about manga as him, the one who guarded him when he went to the bathroom, who kept him grounded and supported him during chap 3's trial, the one who read him a bedtime story. hama, the oldest and closest friend he had left.

hama's execution was so fucking brutal. it was beyond cruel. wada couldn't take it anymore. with overflowing anguish, he rushed forward, banging on the execution chamber glass with all his might. when he gets overtaken by emotion like that, it's like he becomes it, he stops thinking, he just acts, without any regards for the consequences. wada can be surprisingly strong under duress, and the KFTI is stingy as hell when kan's not buying tons of gold so...maybe they didn't invest in bulletproof or reinforced glass. maybe, just maybe, before hiroaki pulled him back, wada had done some real damage.

'no significant damage was reported'. maybe he truly had.

what else could he think of and do, if his body and soul get overwhelmed by extreme distress again?

...dude...i'm so scared for wada. anything can happen in chap 5. it's gonna be a wild card chapter. i've seen many interesting theories for who the victim and culprit will be... i've also seen the idea of wada offering himself up as a sacrifice, and... and with how he's been lately, i don't think it's that far-fetched. what's a better thing to do with this sad existence, one that kills everyone who gets close to him, than to give it up for everybody? to take all the love they gave him, all the sacrifices others have made for him, and pay them forward?

he doesn't want to hurt people. he is consumed by guilt and despises himself for any harm he believes he has caused. he thinks his life is completely worthless, even detrimental to others.

and, wada is kind. he's so forgiving. you can rough him up, but then if you offer him just a scrap of kindness, he'll let bygones be bygones. his whole life, he has been waiting, ready to jump at the opportunity to connect with people, to love and be loved.

and he is. he's become an integral part of the group. after everyone who's gone, he still has hiroaki as the person closest to him. he's very, very fond of him, and...if it's either for him, or for everyone...for their sake, i could see him brave the fear, and make the decision to go.

.....but. now that yonekura's outright confirmed that they will be 'returned to their environments'...if the game doesn't end with the killer winning and everyone else perishing... i want him to survive. i want him to live. even after he lost everything, even when they take away his memories, even if there's nothing left for him in his life, goddamn, i don't...i don't want to say goodnight to him. i want masanari to live. please don't go.

[funishment-time]

🔵 Kodaka BlueSky Q&As: Misc DR & Multiple Characters

⚠️ DISCLAIMER: Please be advised! Translations of all Japanese answers derive from a combination of Google Translate and my manager's three-quarters-remembered Japanese. We've tried our best to work out what he's saying, but there will be mistakes here and there. Do not take this as gospel!

To avoid spreading too much misinfo, where we're completely boggled about an answer, we've decided not to even make an attempt. We'll still list the post, but mark it accordingly.

➡️ AN IMPORTANT NOTE FROM KODAKA BEFORE READING:

First of all, the questions answered here are not official. Everything that is official is what is said within the work. In contrast, this is simply what Kodaka, the creator, thinks, and it is not the correct answer. Use this as a starting point to enjoy the depth of each character, or to say, "That's not right!" and enjoy it with your own interpretation. I think of this as a way of communicating with the characters who live in fiction. This is important, so please spread the word.

💕 FEBRUARY 2024:

Q: Out of all the characters that have appeared so far, who is your favorite visually?

A: As a fan, Haruko from FLCL. Among my own creations...hmmm, Monokubs lol and Enoshima.

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Q: Sorry if this has already been said! I saw a tweet saying that Fukawa Toko's novel "Before the Scent of the Sea Disappears" was made into a short film by Kodaka Kazutaka! Is there anywhere I can see it?

A: I don't have it..! I have the data on my PC, but…lol

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Q: Are you interested in making games in the world of Ultimate Talent Development Plan? I would like to see all the characters together. (Sorry my Japanese is not very good. I am using a translator.)

A: It's too early to tell. I'll continue to make more and more characters.

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Q: I love Ultra Despair Girls, but it's sad that so few people are playing it 😢 Are there plans for a port or remake for the Switch?

A: It's an absolute masterpiece! I'm proud to say that it has the heaviest storyline I've ever written, and the friendship at the end will have you in tears. And it's also pretty fun to take down all the Monokumas in one fell swoop. The controls are a bit rough in some areas, so I'd like to tweak them and re-release it. But maybe that last possibility is impossible in today's world...

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Q: What is your favorite chapter in the Danganronpa series?

A: Hmm, Chapters 1 and 6 of 1, and Chapters 5 and 6 of 2. Maybe Chapters 1, 5 and 6 of 3.

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Q: I love Danganronpa Zero, and I'd like to ask if there were any particular things that you were thinking about when you were writing it.

A: At the time, it was my first novel in about five years, and although I said "I'll do it" lightly, I wasn't good at writing the narrative, and after pushing myself into scrapping it many times, I finally managed to get it done by writing the narrative from the protagonist's point of view.

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Q: I got hooked on the Danganronpa series when I was in elementary school and am now a working adult!! Danganronpa is my favorite work of all time! Of course I played Rain Code too!! I love how Shinigami-chan grows and becomes more human as the story progresses! I wonder if a sequel to Danganronpa is really possible...? I'm also waiting for a sequel to Rain Code I'll keep waiting until I die! I love you!

A: From elementary school to working adult…! Thanks to Danganronpa, you've become a fine adult! Neither sequel is impossible. I'd like to expand more, get results from other new works, and make myself more valuable, and do it when it's best for me.

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Q: Are there any characters that have a secret backstory in any of the Danganronpa works?

A: For the most part, there are still stories that we haven't talked about.

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Q: This may be a question that can't be answered (it may have been asked already), but in the bad ending of Danganronpa, Togami holds a portrait of Fukawa, and there is a child of Togami? Will the truth about that ever come to light?!

A: With the loss of Kirigiri, and the decision to live together within the school, everyone had a change of heart and decided to join hands. Fukawa stopped belittling herself, and Togami stopped being arrogant, and the two started dating, but the next day Fukawa died in an accident. She died after choking on a dumpling, and Togami was confused, believing it was a curse from Celes. As Asahina comforted the depressed boy, things just sort of happened and Togami's child was born. Asahina loves children, and decided that this was her mission and she would give birth to everyone's children. And since that was all there was to do in the boring school life, everyone did it a lot. After that, she gave birth to more than 10 children, and the school flourished.

NOTE: This is the worst thing I have ever read.

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Q: I can't help but wonder about the night that Asahina, Hagakure, Togami, and Fukawa spent in the gym in Chapter 5 of Danganronpa. What were they doing that night?

A: I think they were standing in the dark gymnasium, each at one of the four corners, going around tapping the shoulder of the next person in the corner...

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Q: The "motivation video" that appeared in V3 featured someone important to each character, but it wasn't revealed who was in the motivation video for the characters in the main story. Did you have a set idea in mind of "this character is this person", Mr. Kodaka? Some characters talk about family or special people in Free Time scenarios, but there are also some characters who don't talk about such things, so I'm curious.

A: I had it set at the time, but I've forgotten about it...

NOTE: ugh

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Q: What's your favorite romantic pairing in danganronpa?

A: Monomi and Monokuma.

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Q: I love the scene in Chapter 6 of the original Danganronpa where the mastermind and the scissors girl (I will not reveal her name for now) meet and politely greet each other. Mr. Kodaka, are there any funny or gag scenes from the Danganronpa series or Rain Code that you like?

A: There are heaps of gag scenes and funny scenes, but when I first saw Monokuma and Monomi's comedy routine in 2 with their lines incorporated, I felt something otherworldly that I'd never heard before. We record out of order, so after incorporating it with the game, I was surprised at how otherworldly it was.

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Q: I would like you to publish profiles of Danganronpa Zero characters! Please do so!

A: Let's ask Spikechun! Spikechun reserves all rights! Let's all protest and demand that these profiles be made public!

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Q: In the summary of the materials for Danganronpa 1, there was a detailed description of the non-killers' punishments, but I wonder if those will ever be made into a movie...? I've been dying to see it 🥲

A: It's not exactly a good idea to capture people dying on film…

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Q: Who is the most popular character in Danganronpa? I would be happy if you could tell me one male and one female!

A: My personal opinion is... For guys, it's Shinguji. There are girls who are attracted to weird guys like that. For girls, it's Iruma. There are boys who are attracted to weird girls like that.

NOTE: I believe this is IRL, not in-universe, as Kodaka later answers who has the most friends in-universe, and it's not Miu or Kork.

🍀 MARCH 2024:

Q: Excuse me for asking a question! Who is the strongest drinker among Munakata, Yukizome, and Sakakura? 🥹

A: It's probably Yukizome.

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Q: Among the BGM used in the original, 2, and V3, is there any that you particularly like, Mr. Kodaka? I absolutely love New World Order from the original, DANGANRONPA SUPER MIX from 2, and V3 Discussion - SCRUM - from V3!

A: The punishment music was created first, and it created a Danganronpa atmosphere, or rather a playful yet serious atmosphere, so it has a deeply cryptic vibe.

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Q: I bought Danganronpa again on Steam and had my ex-girlfriend play the whole series, and she got hooked. This may be mentioned in other media, but are there any characters who weren't meant to die but ended up dying?

A: While I was writing, some roles were switched, but I don't think there were many changes to the plot. I think it was Nidai and Kuzuryu who switched roles...

NOTE: His memory is correct. Beta designs show a Fuyuhiko-like character who was meant to the the team manager, and a mafia guy who was a big Nekomaru-ish dude.

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Q: In the Danganronpa series, you get underwear when your bond with a character reaches its maximum, but whose underwear do you like the most, Kodaka?

A: Personally, I'm not interested in underwear. They're dirty.

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Q: I know you didn't write or supervise Danganronpa S at all, Kodaka, but have you played it since its release? And if you did, were there any event conversations that you particularly liked?

A: [From @/genoskissors: "エアプ is slang meaning he knows about the games content, but has not played it himself." Thank you for the correction!]

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Q: [A longer question, found here, that comes down to: "i'm curious how your writing with your world evolved in ways you may not have had planed..."]

A: The scenario changes a lot when I write it. It is live. Try writing it, move the characters around, and it keeps changing. Because the characters are alive.

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Q: Yamada and Celes seem to have been quite close during their school days, but how did they end up like that?

A: "I've gotten better at making royal milk tea."

NOTE: This is probably Hifumi talking.

🥬 APRIL 2024:

Q: Will you ever make a V3 animation? That could be so cool I’d love to see it so much.

A: That is a matter for Spike Chunsoft to decide.

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Q: Who is the character with the most friends in each of the Danganronpa games: the original, 2, and V3?

A: I guess Yamada, Koizumi, and Angie. I'm not sure if I can call Angie a friend, though.

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Q: Chabashira Tenko and I have the same birthday and blood type, so I'd like to know how a character's birthday and blood type are decided. I'm currently studying Japanese.

A: It's decided by fate.

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Q: Tired of answering questions about Danganronpa?

A: I'm not bored. I love Danganronpa. However, I may forget some things, so I don't want to answer carelessly.

🌺 MAY 2024:

Q: I think Harukawa-chan had romantic feelings for Momota-kun, but did Momota-kun see Harukawa-chan as a romantic interest? Or did he just see her as one of his "students," like Saihara-kun?

A: "I didn't realize it at the time, so I wasn't even conscious of it. If I had realized it sooner, things might have been different..."

NOTE: This is probably Kaito talking.

☀️ JUNE 2024:

Q: I feel like there weren't any characters in the original Danganronpa who were definitely able to cook, so who was cooking at breakfast and the like? I'd also like to know if there were any characters who could cook in the original!

A: I think they basically just used pre-cooked food, but I think Fujisaki and Yamada seem like they can cook.

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Q: How did you decide the seating order for the class trial?

A: Intentionally in random order so as not to create any patterns.

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Q: Are there any characters in 1, 2, and V3 who are not virgins? Sorry for the really vulgar question.

A: A rough estimate is a quarter.

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Q: Is it decided how old the characters in works such as Danganronpa and Raincode are? If so, how old are they?

A: Of course, Danganronpa is mostly in their teens. Raincode has a wide range, but even Yakou is in his 30s.

NOTE: This is kind-of hilarious, because I'm pretty sure it's canonically stated Yakou is actually in his late 20s...in something that Kodaka himself wrote. I'll have to go find evidence.

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Q: I'd like to know the recommended menu items at Hanamura Diner!

A: Fresh tonkatsu.

NOTE: Tonkatsu is a fried pork cutlet.

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Q: Were the Love Hotel scenes also supervised by Kodaka-san? When Ouma says that he doesn't care what Saihara does to him, is that what he says to make it possible for him to have anyone in that space under his control?

A: I did supervise it. But I left that to people who are good at that sort of thing and refrained from interfering too much, and I still refrain from doing so now.

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Q: Is there any trick to Tanaka Gundham's chuunibyou dialogue? I'm curious to know how you think of the unique expressions used by Saionji Hiyoko and Iruma Miu.

A: The insults come out super easily, but Tanaka's lines were thought out thoroughly, based on the light novels I've read, so it's exhausting.

NOTE: A "chuunibyou" is a kid, generally 12-13, who believes they have secret powers or a grand backstory. Gundham's a bit old to be a chuuni by Kodaka's own admission in the DR2 artbook, but that was apparently part of the charm (and why it was so difficult to write him). It's spiritual Naruto running.

🎇 JULY 2024:

Q: I'd like to know what underwear your favorite Danganronpa character wears, Kodaka-san.

A: Monomi's panties. Diapers.

NOTE: This is how rumors get started, Kaz...

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Q: Do Rain Code and Danganronpa take place in the same world? Do any of your games and works have a shared universe with another? Or are they all separate? 🤔 💭 I'm asking because I just had a dream about Rain Code today!

A: I won't make a clear statement. I am not sure what will happen in the future. Anyway, please spread the Rain Code around the world.

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Q: If Hope's Peak Academy had regular exams, who would have the best overall grades?

A: It would have to be Togami. Kirigiri has clear strengths and weaknesses and doesn't seem like she'd be good at things like art. However, when it comes to multiple choice questions, Komaeda who relies on luck is the strongest, Ouma steals the answers in advance, and Ki-Bo tries hard and is average, but is bad at calculations.

🌭 AUG 2024:

Q: when i played danganronpa there were times where i wondered about how some characters got along with their family, have you written/thought anything about a character's family background that isn't mentioned in the video games?even if it's something small i feel like it would be interesting to read

A: I think, but the fact that I did not put it in writing means that I left it to the player's imagination.

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Q: If Sonia and Fubuki met, who would take the initiative in the conversation?

A: Even though they don't match up at all, they seem like they'd get along really well.

NOTE: Fubuki from Rain Code.

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Q: When all the Danganronpa characters are gathered together, who do you think has the most aura?

A: It must be Ogami. I think everyone would look at her first.

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Q: Thank you so much for making "Danganronpa"!! 😊💓💓 Many fans have a special feeling for the relationship between Komaeda Nagito and Hinata Hajime. Is there a possibility that the two will become lovers in the future?

A: I have no plans to create anything that takes place after Danganronpa 3.

🍁 SEPT 2024:

Q: Are there many undiscovered super-high school level talents outside of Japan?

A: You could make a Danganronpa World War. 150 students are locked in a school, about 10 incidents occur at the same time, class trials are held here and there, and punishments are handed out one after another.

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Q: Are you afraid of bugs, Soda? I'd like to know who among two people can stand bugs and who doesn't like them!

A: Soda is not good with insects that suddenly appear, fly, or move suddenly. Sonia is fine with insects.

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Q: I would like to know Ouma's first words and reaction upon seeing an armed Keebo-kun!

A: “This isn’t like you!”

🎃 OCT 2024:

Q: Hello, Kodaka-san. You're probably tired of questions about the sexual orientation of characters. Komaeda in particular is one of the most talked about characters when it comes to this topic. It's actually a little sad that the fandom cares more about what gender a character is attracted to than who they actually are. This may be weird to ask after writing this much, but I want to ask out of pure curiosity: what do you think about couples in Danganronpa? I don't think any couples have ever actually been confirmed, is that intentional? There's been a lot of discussion about that topic, so I just wanted to know.

A: Like the Asahina ending in Danganronpa, there's the possibility that different people could become couples with different people. That's what makes it interesting.

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Q: Will the V3 characters be made into anime someday?

A: I'm not getting any offers...! I'm sure there are a fair number of people who would watch it...!

🦃 NOV 2024:

Q: I really want to see a world where Danganronpa Kirigiri is made into an anime or manga...

A: I want to see it too...!

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Q: Will Danganronpa 2 be made into an anime? This is something I've always wanted to see

A: I want to see it too...! I want it to be made without my involvement...!

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Q: A question about V3. I've heard a lot of speculation that in V3, the conclusions reached as a result of trials other than Chapter 1 are different (there is fraud on the part of the mastermind), but are there any chapters other than Chapter 1 where something different from the truth is said to be the truth?

A: It might all be a lie

NOTE: The question here might be a bit hard to understand, but it's basically asking if all of V3's culprits were actually culprits. A very peculiar answer.

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Q: I'd like to see a remake of the original Danganronpa with added theories and scrum debates, or a despair arc (school days)! I'd like to see it while the voice actors are still in good health.

A: That's true. But it's boring if it's just a remake. I would do it more like this...

NOTE: Don't quote me, but I believe "this" is what the question asks, i.e. he'd remake the game with added stuff.

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Q: Hello! What are Kuzuryu-kun and Peko-chan's best and worst subjects? I can't help but wonder!

A: Peko is good at everything. Kuzuryu is bad at a lot of things.

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Q: Why was the island in SDR2 named "Jabberwock Island"? I can't think of any other elements from Alice in Wonderland...

A: Yes, that's what inspired me to use the name metaphorically.

🎄 DEC 2024:

Q: What do you eat to come up with a character like Komaeda?

A: Meat buns in Kanai Ward

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Q: I think V3's punishments are similar to the original punishments, including the unused punishments, in many ways, but were you aware of that?

A: I think the second game wasn't that cruel, or rather it was mostly on the lighter side, so I wanted to make this one cruel.

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Q: Although they are both super high school level detectives, what is the difference between Kirigiri-san and Saihara-kun? 

A: Kirigiri is a better detective in terms of career, talent, and family history. 

/////

Q: Are there any good rappers among the characters? If so, who would it be? 

A: Hagakure or Kuwata or Soda or Ouma 

/////

Q: Mr Kodaka, In response to your question on Twitter, I would like to ask. Who have you considered as candidates to be your successor for Danganronpa? Back in 2020, you mentioned Uchikoshi might be a good candidate for being the creative director for Danganronpa. Taro? Hino? Takumi? Hashino? Kamitani?

A: It's a story about young people, so young people are good.

/////

Q: Do you remember that pot of aphrodisiac soup from Despair Arc? How would other characters react if they drank it? 

A: I want to make that doujin game and earn money.

NOTE: A "doujin game" being a kind of fan game. Basically, he's joking that the aphrodisiac soup with other classes is kind of a fan smut idea...but he'd still do it for the money. One way to get TooKyo out of debt, I suppose...

/////

Q: How did the trick in Chapter 5 of SDR2 come about that left many players in despair?

A: Famously, after months of having the planner in charge of the project come up with many ideas, and then losing them all over the place, he suddenly came up with the idea. It was built on his despair.

NOTE: This is another weird one that's hard to translate, but I think he's referring to himself as "the planner in charge of the project," so he's saying that he went through hell trying to figure out how to kill Komaeda.

/////

Q: Are there any characters in Danganronpa who believe in Santa? 

A: Souda, Gonta

[greatbananaboat]

happy progress day! how silco manipulates jinx

i've been working on paralleling ambessa's relationship with caitlyn and silco's relationship with jinx. while i was going through s1 for examples of silco's manipulation of jinx, i found a really great example from the s1e4 scene where we first see silco and jinx interact.

while i do believe that silco genuinely does care for jinx, i think he also uses moments like the following to manipulate her. he's using her as a weapon, and i feel like the "love" he has for her is completely dependent on her usefulness to him.

THIS IS NOT AN ANTI SILCO POST. ANTIS DNI.

i don’t know everything about manipulation tactics, but i do know my father (/silly) so here we go

the first thing silco does is defend jinx. it’s easy to frame this as him being a good father and defending his kid, but i see this a bit differently. silco knows jinx is in the room. he’s not saying this having no idea shes there. defending her makes jinx believe silco is on her side and soothes her fear of abandonment. he uses it to make her more receptive to what he has to say later and gives her the scraps of affection she so desperately needs.

S1E4 00:17:36 --> 00:17:38 There are always mishaps in battle.

he asks for jinx's point of view to make her feel heard. however, the moment she says something that threatens his control over her, he immediately drops any pretense of kindness and adopts a colder demeanor.

00:18:33 --> 00:18:34 I'm asking you.

when she mentions seeing a firelight who reminded her of vi, he's quick to shoot it down, reminding her that vi is gone. he continues to make her feel isolated by removing any hope that her sister is alive. this makes her more dependent on him, because he’s framed himself as the only person who cares for her.

S1E4 00:18:52 --> 00:18:57 Your sister's gone. You know that as well as I do.

he tells her to do better, making her feel that slight sense of inadequacy while not completely shutting down. notice how he's conditioning her to become his perfect weapon by facilitating her isolation from other people and making her feel like he's the only one who loves her. in turn, she'll feel the pressure to earn that love by doing what he wants. 

S1E4 00:19:11 --> 00:19:15 I need to know that I can rely on you.

at the end, when she apologizes and tells him she'll improve, he says "i know". it's placing this expectation on her to do better next time. it's this subtle sort of manipulation that she's not going to recognize, especially when we consider that he's likely been doing this since he took her in as a child.

S1E4 00:19:28 --> 00:19:29 I know.

the way he dismisses her after this feels like sort of a push and pull sort of thing, where he shows her scraps of affection and then pulls them away to make her feel the weight of the expectations he's placing on her. then once she's done something well, he gives her that affection again. we can clearly see how this affects jinx later, pushing her to steal the hextech gemstone from topside to prove her worth. in the end, this plays exactly into what silco wants from her, making her a far deadlier weapon.

S1E4 00:19:46 --> 00:19:51 She'll suffice. You should focus on your gadgetry.

the way silco manipulates jinx is almost exactly how ambessa manipulates caitlyn. he constantly keeps her guessing in this push and pull situation where he gives her the validation she craves and then pulls it away so she'll be desperate to earn it back. considering he's been doing this for years, keeping her isolated and dependent on him to satisfy her need for affection and validation, it's no wonder she struggles to make sense of her world. 

her hallucinations begin to serve as an extension of the things he tells her, as we can see in the scene later in her hideout. she begins to doubt herself, convinced he thinks she's weak. also as a result of what he tells her, she keeps convincing herself there's no way vi is still around, which is why she later asks vi if she's real. silco flips between validating her and preying on her insecurities to keep her off balance and needing to prove her worth to him constantly. jinx's mental health deteriorating is largely exacerbated by silco's presence in her life.

THIS IS NOT AN ANTI SILCO POST. ANTIS DNI.

[kbookblurbs]

Wind and Truth - Brandon Sanderson (Stormlight Archive #5)

4/5 - midseason-finale ass book; he needs to scrap this editor; this book simply never ends

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!! LIKE FIRST LINE!!!

We finally come to the end of the first arc of the Stormlight Archives and they are going to need a new name. Before we dive in, I want to clarify that I did enjoy this book! I think it tackled a series of very hard-to-conclude plotlines in a relatively good way, and I think it sets Sanderson up for success in the latter half of this series. With that said, I'll be splitting this review into four parts:

Kaladin, Szeth, & therapy speak

The Spiritual Realm plot

Azir

Book mechanics

Kaladin, Szeth, & Therapy Speak

Now first of all, anyone who's read anything I've written knows I love Kaladin - he's one of my favorite characters of all time and his journey through depression is one of my favorite parts of this series. That said. I find the whole timeline of this healing to be highly suspect, and his attempts at therapizing embarrassing at best and deeply annoying at worst. What context is there for him to go from literally attempting suicide in the last book to semi-competent therapist in no time at all? Need I remind Sanderson myself that there is no time skip between the end of RoW and WaT?

The language is also just bafflingly modern in a way that nothing in this series has been before, but we'll get to more on that later.

The flip side of this criticism is that Szeth's plotline was easily my favorite of the book. His completed arc might rise to rivaling Kaladin's (thus far) in terms of how much I enjoyed it. His backstory is so tragic (slay for the almost successful military coup though?) and I truly believed he wasn't going to make it through the book until the very last page. His moments with his father, in the past and present, brought me to tears more than once.

The Spiritual Realm Plot

This whole plotline took too long and frankly, it was boring. Watching Shallan slay her demons for the umpteenth time and deal with Formless again and kill her mother again was, and this may be controversial, not a very interesting plot point to me. She's done all this before. I feel that this book, as a whole, gave diminishing returns on her pagetime to character development ratio. I also don't feel that Shallan, with all her everything else, needed a Herald as a mother as another twist, but maybe that will be more relevant in the future. For that reason, and that reason only, I'll bite my tongue on criticizing it unnecessarily

While it was nice to see Renarin and Rlain get together, I have to admit that Renarin's POV didn't add much for me. I think Sanderson could have written the entire plotline for these two from Rlain's perspective and it would've been far more interesting since he is, in my opinion, the more interesting character between the two of them. Renarin's POV does not reveal anything that isn't already clear from other POVs.

I also just wanted more of Ba-Ado-Mishram. She was haunting the story but not present. I understand that's likely for later plot reasons, but it did make this section drag. Dalinar contributed to that but  we don't have time to get into that right now. I was happy he died though (long overdue, in my opinion).

Azir

Adolin #1 character of all time? The only one to save their assigned city and did it with 0 Radiants and the power of friendships? Nobody is doing it like him.

I loved the founding of the Unoathed and, particularly, Yanagawn's development. I'm really hoping that Yanagawn becomes a more important character in next major arc, since he was so sweet here.

I did not love that we spent probably 25% of the book in Azir fighting battles. Contrary to the opinion of Sanderson many fantasy authors, there is an upper limit on how many battles you can include before I get tired of reading them. There's only so many ways you can swing a sword or block a pike etc etc before I'm bored.

Book Mechanics

Overall, I find this concluding book to be much weaker than the other 4 in the series. Whereas it had seemed that the pacing was improving in Oathbreaker and Rhythm of War, here we were back to all over the place. While I liked that he split the plot into each day leading up to the contest, the timeline genuinely made no sense.

Beyond that, this entire book was filled with oddly YA-style prose that has never appeared in the Stormlight Archive until now. I think whoever edited this book must be different from the other four because, in my opinion, it was much too modern, not as tight, and frankly, not as good. And I know this might be controversial, but I did not think Maya calling Adolin a slut was funny. Why would she even use that word? Whore or prostitute would've been acceptable because they've been referenced here before but I found that example and others like it to be jarring.

Conclusion

I liked this book, but it's by a longshot my least favorite in the series. It was too long and frankly, some of the characters didn't even sound like themselves. I know that Sanderson can do better than this, but it leaves me a little wary for the next arc.

There's lots here I didn't cover (Jasnah my beloved, Sigzil! I'm in mourning) but this was already quite long. DMs / ask box are always open if you'd like to chat more.

[carniekisses]

Here's a long post that I really hope Tumblr will not flag as NSFW (please don't flag this), I remember back when I showed off the needlefelt Gomer sculpture I had made, someone asked if I had like a work process to show off for it. And I did not, because I had kept it all confined to a private account. I thought it'd be fun to have something to show for it for this one.

So I've been wanting to make a BJD for at least the past 15 years, back when I was a kid with no money to buy supplies with and also with a worry for symmetry, and also also I wasn't very skilled. It's 2024, and I vaguely know how to use Blender now

I've started this project on April 6th, as I've been documenting this on the above mentioned private account.

Of said model I (much) later ended up only being able to salvage the physical sculpts of the chest and torso parts as I messed up somewhat badly, see down below. I also ended up dropping the 'magnets in hands & feet' concept as it was just redundant, one can simply unhook them off the elastic if they are to swap them out.

At any rate, I 3D printed it all and got to sanding, and painting.

So far so good I guess, really not a fan of how the knee and elbow bean slots were just holes (I fixed that later don't worry)

So This was Not looking good lmao. I used acrylic paint, which was not necessarily the problem, the problem was that I'd applied it with a sponge brush which caused the surface to feel really sandpapery once dry. So don't do that I suppose, bad idea

On top of this, I realized that given the thickness of this doll I absolutely needed double joints in the legs, in order to have decent articulation. You can see in the above pics I *had* sculpted those, but I later fused the knee beans with the shins with apoxy resin, for some reason? I think it was because as I posed the legs the knee beans kept falling *into* the hollowed out shins/thighs, and I got tired of it.

The final blows for this model were me applying some 3D finish resin in a last ditch effort to smooth out the horrible texture, which rendered the pieces extremely shiny and smooth (disgusting), WHICH then prompted me to apply matte varnish to fix that bullshit. It absolutely did not work lmfao, and I have no pictures of that disaster because I became pretty discouraged about having to go back to like square two or three.

Some time passed (months really because I kept getting distracted for many a reason [sanding is so fucking boring, Blender was a mistake, I was feeling overwhelmed, I was too sad/tired to work that day, etc.]), I buckled down and finally retooled the pieces that needed it: everything But the chest and torso parts, off of which I managed to sand the varnish and smooth resin. I had fixed all the double joints too to actually be decently functional this time. The head was completely resculpted to better reflect the character's latest design iteration.

bean slots: Fixed

So after sanding (which was the part I was dreading the entire time, because it's so tedious and also it hurts after a while), I caved and got myself an airbrush to, hopefully, lay paint down good this time.

Very glad I did because the difference is kinda crazy. Please ignore my dirty ass desk, it's what happens when you craft. These pictures are from last week btw.

The blue base and the blush were airsprayed, the finer details like the dark shading and the pinker parts were done with both chalk and just acrylic paint. I miiight remake the eyeballs, or at least add more of a smooth finish. The shine to them is really nice

Here's she with lashes, wearing a shitty little scrap of fabric I cut in 10 minutes for fun (please DON'T flag th), and posing to test out the double joints too, they definitely could be better but they work Fine and I'm okay with that.

As of today I'm waiting for the fibres to deliver, for the wig, I already have the cap done. I guess I can update this when it happens, thanks for reading so far, I hope it was interesting, see you next time.......

[lykegenia]

2024 Writing Roundup

tagged by @juneiper-art - thank you!

words posted: 73,510

additional words written: between all the buffer chapters in my longfics plus a few sundry bits it's at least 30k

grand total of words: just over 100k altogether, I think

fandoms: Dragon Age, The Wayhaven Chronicles, and a backstory short story for one of my DnD characters

highest kudos: Rosemary and Citrus, a Rookanis slow burn retelling of Veilguard that's already grown far past its original scope

highest hit oneshot: He Makes Her Cry (He Doesn't Like It), my first foray into MasonxF!Detective from TWC, set during Book Three

new things I tried: I mostly stick to my habits, though with Rosemary and Citrus I've been posting as I go and trying to stick to a proper schedule, which is unusual for me.

fic I spent the most time on: As The World Falls Down, my AU retelling of Dragon Age Origins in which Alistair was raised by the Couslands instead of going to the templars

fic I spent the least time on: He Makes Her Cry, but only because it's so short compared to the others

favorite thing I wrote: This whole upcoming chapter for As The World Falls Down, really, but here's a sneak preview:

Cautiously, he wended his way through the shadows to Eamon’s office, girded by his imagination and the knowledge that getting caught couldn’t be worse than whatever fate was being decided for him just beyond the door. Even before he rounded the final corner, he caught the timbre of angry male voices spilling out into the hallway, and as he edged closer along the wall so that the squeak of floorboards would not betray him he strained his ears to make out the words. “– told her he sleeps in the kennels, that he gets only scraps from the cook! There is no answer for it.” The voice held a note of familiarity, but one that Alistair could not place over the shock of hearing himself so vehemently defended. “Regardless of where you get your information, this is not a matter within your purview,” came a terse reply – Eamon, in a tone low and deep with disapproval. “That is your concern here?” demanded the first voice. “I made enquiries after what I saw that day. I must say, you kept him well hidden, but that does not excuse you. Had I entrusted one of my children to the care of another, only to find them so poorly mistreated, the person responsible would find themselves very sorry indeed.” “You told me the boy was cared for.” This was a third voice, the second stranger who had ridden into the yard. “You assured me it would be so.” “I have done more for him than any would rightfully expect me to, given the circumstances,” Eamon retorted. “I have even secured him a future in a role worthy of respect –” “You wanted to make a problem disappear and thought the templars would be the easiest way to explain it.” “How dare –” “Enough!” The third voice sounded angry, and weary. “Eamon, I should have been consulted before you spoke with Knight-Captain Renwick.” “Consulted?” the second voice scoffed. “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but –” All three went silent. Too late, Alistair clapped his hand over his mouth. He backed away from the door, the imaginary echo of his gasp ringing in his ears. Whichever way he tried to run, the hallway was too long, he wouldn’t be fast enough to get out of sight before –

favorite thing(s) I read: I've done a lot more reading this year, but I'm limiting it to three:

Kiss Me Moonstruck by @theluckywizard - I'm in love with this Garrett Hawke, who manages to be a famed mercenary at the same time as a complete sap and a passable wit, and the premise of the story happens to tick all of my favourite romance tropes

Attachment Theory by @thee-morrigan - Everything about this Natex F!Detective AU is rich and delicious and the imagery is gorgeous

Sanguine by @effelants - If you want an Alistair whose characterisation is on point, then this is the fic for you. The Changes to the plot of the game keep the story fresh, and the mystery around Moira is a very compelling dive into the lore around magic and spirits

writing goals for 2025: be more consistent with actually writing, try to get my word count up, and actually go back to the longfics I've been neglecting and start posting again

new works:

Patience, And Words, And Waterfalls - TWC, musing on Leah's inability to tell Nate how she feels

Mercies - The battle for Haven, with the feelings starting to show between Cullen and Maighread Trevelyan

He Makes Her Cry

Rosemary and Citrus

Tagging forward to everyone already mentioned, plus @vela-ad-astra @athenasdragon @serenpedac @naiatabris and @lalizah - no pressure!

[stay-mon-army]

Anything For You, Darling

Word Count: 3,410 words

Warnings: depression, anxiety

Pairing: OPLA!Sanji x reader

Note: This is completely self-indulgent but I hope that other people will enjoy this like I enjoyed making it. Also, I am OBSESSED with OPLA so please please interact, give me ideas/requests, suggest me fics, anything. I've found a new hyperfixation with this (specifically Sanji and Zoro) so this might be something I write a lot rn!

Living life on the Going Merry was a content existence to say the least. You didn’t often have to worry about being bored; something was always happening to keep you entertained. You rarely had to worry about food; Sanji was never far away with a new dish he wanted someone to try (you just had to get there before Luffy). You didn’t have to worry about if you were even going in the right direction; somehow Nami knew exactly where to go based on those very confusing scraps of paper she calls maps.

Life was arguably great. You couldn’t ask for more. But no matter how good life was, how many times your stomach hurt from laughing along with the crew, how many times you smiled at the happy family you had collected for yourself, something always felt a little off. You weren’t unhappy, you just felt… disquieted in your bones? Sometimes you felt as pessimistic as Usopp when you thought about your feelings. You couldn’t ever just feel good without something in your brain interrupting and whispering sad thoughts into your mind.

That’s why you liked spending so much time with Sanji – he doesn’t let you stay in your mind for very long. He isn’t quite as chatty as Luffy, who never seems to stop talking if someone is within earshot, but he keeps a good conversation and you can’t lie, the compliments and the food are pretty hard to beat.

You often spent your free hours curled up on a bar stool in the kitchen, watching Sanji chop up vegetables and prepare whatever the next meal is while you talk about everything and nothing at the same time. Even when the conversation lulls and you settle into silence with the chef, you never get that disquieting feeling like you do when you’re alone. Just listening to the bubbling of a boiling pot of water or the soft whish of the knife against the cutting board is enough to sooth your rushing thoughts into a calm river that passes you by.

You enjoyed the playful bantering and flirting with Sanji, the way he sometimes lets you sneak a taste of whatever he’s cooking before it’s completely done, the way you can just enjoy the swaying of the ship and the scents permeating the air.

However, unbeknownst to you, some of the straw hats noticed your connection with the blond chef. One morning, as you stepped from your room and stretched under the beating sun shining onto the deck, Nami slides over, standing beside you with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Good morning, Nami! How did you sleep?” You smile, stretching out the tiredness from your arms. She smiles back at you, beginning to wander slowly to the railing away from the others milling about on the deck.

“Good, thank you. I wanted to talk to you for a minute, if you don’t mind.” She nods her head towards the rail and you follow along, intrigued by the lilt in her tone.

“Of course, what’s up?” You sidle over beside her, leaning against the rail and closing your eyes against the spray that tickles the skin on your nose and cheeks.

She rests her elbows beside yours and looks over at you, her orange hair blowing behind her with the wind.

“I’ve noticed you spend a lot of time with Sanji. What’s going on there?” You furrow your brows, not sure you’re understanding what she’s insinuating.

“We’re really good friends. I like spending time with him. It’s better than being alone, or dealing with Luffy’s rants.” You joke, chuckling to yourself. You love your captain but sometimes he really was a chatter box.

Nami doesn’t seem to accept your dismissal of her question, turning to face you, one arm leaning against the rail while her other hand comes to lay against her jean-clad hip. “Come on, the way you two are always flirting with each other? You know, he’s stopped flirting with me since you’ve started spending so much time in the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong, the pet names never stop, but he hasn’t been so… forward. Not that I’m complaining, it’s about time he got the hint.” She smirks at you as she says this, as though you’re supposed to know what that all means.

“I’m not sure what that has to do with me. I like to joke around with him too; that’s all it is. Jokes. I mean, no way there’s anything actually there, he flirts with everyone. I mean, he still flirts with the women in towns when we dock. That’s just how he is.” Nami doesn’t look convinced but you shrug her off. “Listen, Nami, I just like spending time with him. If something were to happen, that would be between Sanji and I. For now, I would appreciate you taking me for my word. We’re friends, he makes me feel safe, there doesn’t have to be anything else out of it.”

She puts her hands up, smiling at you sadly. “I’m sorry if I overstepped. I would just make sure he was aware of that, if I were you. You wouldn’t want to lead him on and hurt his feelings.”

With that, she waved and wandered off towards the map room. You sink against the railing, closing your eyes against the sinking feeling filling your gut again. Were you being too nice to Sanji? Nami said he wasn’t flirting with her as often; was it really because of you? You didn’t think that you were giving him the wrong idea; you never crossed any lines, as far as you could tell. Sure, Sanji was clingy – he liked hugs and touching your hands and arms, he would sometimes feed you little scraps of food like fruit as he’s working, you both often flirted with each other, you both called each other pet names, and you always sit next to him at dinner.

But were those necessarily bad things? Was Sanji thinking it meant something more? You thought you both understood you were friends.

Did you want more?

The thought stopped you in your tracks, your eyes snapping open as you stared into the ocean.

No, of course not. You were just friends, that’s all it was. He was nice to you, you got along so well and you didn’t want the relationship to change in any way – you had no intention of turning this into anything more. At least for now…

You run a hand over your face, groaning softly to yourself. You shouldn’t let what Nami said bother you so much. You shake your body out one last time, hoping to rid yourself of both the tightness from your rest and the stress of what Nami mentioned.

You continue with your morning routine, going to the bathroom to relieve yourself and freshen up a little before heading towards the kitchen. Nothing was going to stop you from seeing your favorite blond.

You step through the door and are instantly met with the sweet scent of maple and berries. Sanji turns towards the door when he hears its resounding squeak, a smile instantly lighting up his face as he spots you.

“Good morning, darling! I hope you slept well. I made pancakes for breakfast today, with an assortment of fruit.” He gently pushes forwards a plate, decorated beautifully with an array of colors from the fruits topping the cakes.

“Thank you, Ji. You always know exactly what to cook to make the day a little better.” You smile, sliding into your respective seat. You pull the plate closer to you, lifting the fork and knife he has set out before you. Just as you raise the fork to begin eating, you notice that Sanji is staring at you.

You pause, looking up at the man with a raised eyebrow. He always liked hearing whether you enjoyed the newest dish (he really really loved praise) but he had never been so brazen about watching you eat before. “Can I help you, sweetie?” You ask, smiling at the way his face seems to melt at the pet name, nearly turning him to jelly before your very eyes. He really was just a big softie, at the end of the day.

“You just seem off this morning, my love. I wanted to make sure you were alright. I apologize if I’ve caused any offense.” He says, wiping his hands on a towel before tossing it over his shoulder.

“I seem off?” You chuckle awkwardly, hoping that you don’t radiate the problems running through your head. You didn’t want to worry him – he was always so kind and good to you, the last thing you wanted was to mar him with the darkness in your brain that you spent so much time around him to avoid. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I simply mean that you seem a little more subdued is all. Again, I meant no offense. I just hope your meal will cheer you up from whatever is dampening my sweet (y/n)’s demeanor this morning.” He turns away as he says this, as though it doesn’t really matter either way what happens with you, but you know that’s just how he “keeps his cool”.

Sanji’s entire existence wraps around his ability to put on an air of confidence and poise, as though nothing can truly touch him or hurt him, when you are well aware that he feels much more deeply than he lets on. You don’t think that any of the other straw hats noticed this about the chef, but after spending so much time with him, you knew that he simply wore his heart on his rolled up sleeve – there, but only if you have the attention and the compassion to look that close.

You don’t respond, simply beginning to dig into the food placed before you. Unsurprisingly, it’s everything you could have asked for, and more. Somehow, in record time, Sanji seemed to memorize your palate, knowing exactly what things you liked, what you disliked, what you couldn’t stomach to eat, what ratios of flavors brought you the most joy. You didn’t think he paid that much attention, since he was always working while you talked and he never watched you eat, but without a doubt, Sanji knew exactly what you needed at any moment to satisfy your cravings.

You hum as you eat, vocalizing your enjoyment so that Sanji knows he did well, despite the fact he hasn’t turned back to look at you. When you finally finish your meal, you rise from the bar, collecting your dishes and heading to the sink to wash. You had the unspoken job of cleaning the dishes after Sanji. He hated that you did it, claiming that he could totally clean up after himself. But you felt bad, spending all your time in the kitchen with him but watching him do all the work. So, you resolved to cleaning the dishes to help out.

You quickly wash your dishes, scrubbing away the sticky, sugary mess that the syrup and fruits made on the plate. As you turn to grab something to dry the plate off with, you nearly stumble into Sanji’s outstretched hand holding out a dish towel for you. You take it, smiling up at him gratefully. He winks at you before turning back to whatever he was doing at the stove.

You dry off the plate, put it back in its respective spot, and settle yourself back onto your bar stool. As you rest your arms against the counter, putting your chin against your palms, you watch the way that Sanji flits about the kitchen. He seems to be doing a million things at once, from cutting up food for prep to mixing up what looks like some kind of dipping sauce to stirring a boiling broth. You can’t imagine thinking about all of those things at once without burning or ruining something.

Your mind slowly drifts to the way he looks so calm and serene doing it all. His face stays in a gentle smile, as though there isn’t anywhere he would rather be than here. He practically dances around from place to place, light on his toes and seemingly high in spirits. His hands are graceful as he quickly slides the knife to slice whatever ingredient he needs next; his chest rising and falling so slowly, you wonder if he’s breathing. His effortlessness never seizes to amaze you.

“I know I’m fascinating, but I would love to know what has you so enthralled by my movements today, mon cherie. If there’s something wrong, please don’t let it fester. Spill your heart to me, my love.” He leans his arms against the counter, his head tilted to look at you with softened eyes, as though you might run away at any moment. As if you would ever run away from him.

“I don’t know.” You mumble, not wanting to get into it with him, but the way he looks at you, with those seemingly all-knowing eyes, you can’t help but crumble. “Fine, I just- I talked with Nami this morning, and she mentioned some things that got me thinking. Which isn’t always good for me, because sometimes my brain doesn’t like me and it says mean things to me. So I try not to think, which usually being here with you makes it easier, but because of the conversation today, it makes it worse, but I don’t want to not be with you, because I don’t want you to worry and I do like spending time with you, so I didn’t want to change our routine, but the routine is what’s making me think, so now I’m just in this spiral.”

You sigh at the end, flopping against the table so your head rests against your forearms and you don’t have to look at Sanji, who you know is probably looking at you like a lunatic. After a moment, you hear the sound of his shoes scuffing against the floor and you freeze, for fear that he was leaving, like so many other people you had scared away. Instead, the sound grows closer and you soon feel a gentle hand resting against your side, guiding you up from the counter and towards his body.

You turn yourself into the embrace, surprised at how gently he cradles your body against his, one hand resting against your back, the other coming to cup your head against his chest. He holds you as though he expects you to break, and you nearly rip yourself from his grasp at the thought that he must be pitying you. How horribly morbid and depressing you must have sounded, saying how “mean” your thoughts are, as though it wasn’t your own problem to deal with. Telling him was selfish and would surely make him see you completely differently from how he saw you before.

“You know I’m here for you, whatever you need. Whether that be a place to hide out from your thoughts, or a talking companion to wander through those feelings, or simply a nice meal, I’m always here to help you feel better.” He presses his lips against the top of your head and you pull away softly, not wanted to offend him, but needing to say something more.

“That’s another problem.” You sigh, rubbing a hand over your face as the Frenchman furrows his brows at you. “Nami made it seem like I’m leading you on by treating you like this. That spending time with you and flirting with you and all these things are going to make you think something else about me. And I don’t want that to happen. Too many times have I cared for someone, shared my time and joy with that person, felt that we couldn’t be closer or better friends, and then something goes wrong and somehow it’s always my fault. Sometimes, the person starts to like me more than I like them or more than I’m willing to admit and if I don’t continue to act a certain way or give them a certain experience with our relationship or act a certain way, they leave. Or sometimes, people begin to think I act weird or they begin to get annoyed by certain behaviors and then they distance themselves and they leave. Sometimes I’m mean to them because I hold them to a high standard because I love them so I want to have good times with them and that’s stressful and they leave. Sometimes I try to act how I think they want me to act and that makes them leave. Sometimes I’m too clingy and people become afraid I’m too attached and they leave. There’s always something, but in the end everyone leaves. But you…”

You take a deep breath, looking at the way Sanji is silently crying, tears falling from his eyes, but he doesn’t move or say a word, only watching you, waiting for you to spill your heart to him.

“You make me so damn happy. You are kind and gentle and you listen to me and you notice little things before I have to even mention them to you. You seem to know everything I’m thinking before I have to say it, you can read my body language and you’re willing to do anything for me if I ask or even just think it and I’m so so afraid I’ll mess everything up and I’ll lose you too. Because god damn it, if I lose one more person who means so much to me, I might just burst. I might not come back from it all and I really really need you to understand that the way you quiet my brain and make me feel so normal and calm is something I just can’t lose. You are the one person I think can truly understand me and I love you so much for that, but I’m so afraid that any little step will send you pushing me away.”

Sanji shakes his head, reaching his hands out for you again, and you can’t stop him from pulling you into his embrace. His tears fall against the top of your head and you quickly realize you were crying too because your tears soak into his shirt and stick it against your face. You just stay like that for a while, letting him hold you, his lips resting against your head to give small kisses to your scalp.

Finally he releases you enough to pull you back, looking down at you with sad, sweet eyes.

“I will never leave you. Until the ends of the earth, until the sun dies, until you push me away, I will never leave you. I see you, (y/n), I see what you go through, the pain your brain puts you through, the horrible memories I know plague your every waking movement. I can see through it all because I go through it every day. And I know that you see me, just as well. We are open books to each other, my love, and there’s nothing we can do except cherish each other and protect each other. I know what Nami said to you.”

You take a breath, about to explain everything to him, put he shushes you, placing his hand against your cheek.

“You have nothing to explain, sweetheart. I am here for you, however you need me. And I can only hope that I can get a sliver of the same in return. But until you tell me otherwise, I will be your partner through think and thin. I am at your disposal as friend, confidante, chef, anything, as long as you continue to smile and make me smile. Do you understand?”

You sob again, pulling the blond chef against you this time, arms wrapping around his neck to pull him flush against you. You thank him, repeatedly, over and over, like a mantra, until he pulls away to wipe your tears from your face.

“Anything for you, darling. Now, let me finish cooking lunch.” He steps back around to the other side of the counter, sliding you a small plate of crackers you hadn’t noticed before, winking at you, before turning back to the stove.

You nibble happily on one of the salty crackers, resting your elbows against the counter as you watched his back. He truly was the only one who understood you.

[jellybean1927]

Martyn was a pirate. He said it multiple times, it shouldn't be a surprise. It was always likely that his past would catch up with him. He knew it would.

He was walking down to the dock where his Captain was working on the La Sangria. He hadn't seen him since this morning, so he figured he'd go check on him. He pushed past the busy crowds of the harbor, rats coming off their ships, tourists snapping photos, sketchy shopkeepers selling their wares from stalls. The usual hustle bustle of the Paris harbor. The ships that carried rats were large, made from either wood that mimicked a human ship or large cardboard boxes with multiple floors and scraps from the junkyard. Flags were flown from some of their masts, usually those of other countries, but there was one that caused him to freeze in his step.

A flag with a silhouette of a large bird.

A heron.

He never wanted to see that flag again as long as he lived. He's screwed these pirates over so many times, whether accidentally or on purpose. He knew they'd vowed revenge on him and the rest of the Kestrels for what they've done. He and the rest of the Kestrels decided it would be safer for them to split up and go into hiding, be harder to be found that way. That's one of the reasons why he ended up in that half a tennis ball in the first place, trying to escape those damn herons. They'd stop at nothing to get their revenge, even if it meant taking the lives of innocents.

He prayed they didn't know he was there, that they had just stopped in town for supplies and were heading off right after. He spotted two of them heading back to the ship and ducked behind some barrels before they could spot him.

"Are you sure he's even here? This doesn't seem like the type of place he'd be in, especially not some classy hotel. Why don't we ask around a pub if they'd seen him?"

"Oh, he's here, alright. My connection has never failed me yet. We'll just have to wait until tomorrow night to grab him."

"Damn, Nibblewood. He'll find out we're here, and then we'll never be able to find him. You know what he's like."

"Tomorrow night, lad. He won't even know we're coming."

Their voices began to fade away as they walked away. Martyn waited a few minutes to make sure they were gone before jumping up and running to the La Sangria.

He had to leave. They'd kill everyone on board, his new friends, his Captain. He can't put them in danger like that. He'd leave a note, hide it somewhere on the La Sangria, with just enough information of why he had to leave but not the whole story. The less they know, the better. Then he'll make sure they're off, make sure the engine to the Ratmobile was started, and they've made their way to London. Yeah, he'll wave goodbye from the pier and run off before he can see the heartbroken looks on his friends faces, on his Captain's face. He'll lead the herons away. He'll mess with them, lead them as far away as he could. He'll lose them, cover his tracks, then head to Mauritius.

It was a good thing he knew where they were headed. He'd have a hard time finding them otherwise.

There was the thought... that he had... of heading all the way to Mauritius, leaving that night instead of tomorrow morning. That he'll go all the way to Mauritius with his Captain and... if the herons follow... he'll leave then. He'd slip into his Captain's room at night, after everything was ready to go, press a kiss to his head and place a note on the pillow beside him. He'd make sure he was safe, surrounded by the people who love him, and he'll leave. He'll do everything the can to protect him, his Captain, his King.

"Lieutenant! There you are! I was wondering when you planned on joining me!"

Those beautiful blue eyes filled with such joy and completely unaware of the heartbreak Martyn was about to afflict on him.

Ren hopped off the ship and onto the dock. He came over to him and grabbed his hand.

"Come on, Lieutenant. I want to show the improvements I've made to the La Sangria," he said, in his usually dramatic voice.

Martyn allowed himself to laugh, hoping to put his mind at ease, even just for a moment. Maybe even to keep his Captain from finding out somethings wrong.

"Lead the way, Captain."

(My take on Martyn's rats 2 finale. I'm not a big fan of the datastream thing, even though it's pretty neat, but I want an eventual happy ending for Rats! Treebark. Is that too much to ask)

[braindeathaoe]

🌧️Spots of Grey🌧️ (02/04/25)

"Every fiber of your being sings with rejection."

To quickly address the date on this post: Weekly updates have been premeditatively scheduled for a month now, so it won't hurt to use the real dates they've been written. You know to expect them every Monday at 12AM EST.

~How many outcomes should exist?~

It's a question that has loomed over me at every turn, despite the answer being absurdly elementary. The only possibilities that exist are the ones introduced—trying to account for any ideas that haven't yet been conceived is nothing but a waste of time and energy. Still, so many hours of careful thought and experimentation are required to create an end result that I can be proud of. It would be too simple to write up a full script on a whim, add a few choices here and there and then dump a half-assed product on you. This game and I deserve far more than that, as well as you. There's a story inside me that is thrashing, kicking, screaming its wishes to be something special. I'm in love with it so badly, I'm willing to forfeit all of my other dreams to give it the best chance possible.

~What is the correct medium?~

ChoiceScript won't always be the program Brain Death is written in, that's for sure. Twine might be the software I turn to after this build, but with that I'll need to determine which format to use in tandem. Hell, maybe I'll throw caution to the wind and learn 3d modeling. Time will tell, so long as my heart continues to beat and my love keeps blooming. I should hate every moment of this after months of failure, rinsing and switching and repeating the process of writing and deleting and rewriting. Yet somehow each time, I feel a bit closer. I want to breathe life into my characters and create an environment equal parts immersive and interesting; to give the choice to engage in meaningful conversations that fit like a perfect glove. How do you appear, what is your identity, and which parts were you born with? How does the past align with the present? When did the change become visible? Have you changed, or are you the same? You should be seen as you are, treated in accordance with the views of the people around you. How will their mood shape their words? In what ways will they perceive you? Will those perceptions be altered or strengthened with your actions? And what about your own?

~Simultaneously overwhelming and thrilling...~

Only a genius could efficiently figure out the answers to all these questions, while also deciding on the wordings of choices, the outcomes, consequences etc. I'm the furthest thing from a genius. I'm a mentally disabled high-school dropout, whose every project to date has either come out half-baked or scrapped entirely before release. My 24th birthday is coming up in a couple months, too. All in all, these past few days, I've thrown a lot of my work to the abyss and shuffled events to hopefully make transitions more fluid. Currently, Chapter 1 is slated to be called Happy Unity, and will likely be around 10k words when it is complete. Including the Prologue, the first demo will maybe be around 10k to 15k words including code. (Feels weird for it to still be so up in the air after everything, but as I've said in an earlier post, I tried really hard to make the old intro work for a really long time. It didn't reflect my vision well enough.) Act I will be the shortest Act in the game (the 1st of 4), including only the Prologue and Chapter 1. Act II's demo build will possibly be made in Twine. As of now, what's in the game is almost 10k with code, but some text is set to be replaced or taken away completely. (Update 06/04): I've just finished penning a summarized script for Chapter 1—as well as a sheet for a new central character—and while I think there're some minor kinks to be worked out, it looks promising. In just a few days, I'll probably hunker down and begin writing everything down in ChoiceScript. I'd wanted this to be done in July for lore-sake, but if it's done sooner I will upload it then and there. Don't get your hopes up, though.

💧Please, Hydrate.💧

[zombeebunnie]

Trembling Essence:💙Background + poll results💙

Hello hello and welcome new followers! :]

Firstly I just want to say a very big thank you to everyone that participated in the poll I did last week, I was really surprised but happy with the results and responses! This will help me a lot moving forward! :,] If you missed it and would like to say which route you preferred feel free to comment!

Anywho, this week mainly focused on art practicing again but I did work on the game and managed to get my bearings even more!

Here is the new background for the start of the game:

This took a long time to draw up since I sketched out the background instead of looking at references this time. Once I got a basic idea of how I wanted it to look it felt.. too empty and flat. At first I couldn't figure out why until I added more shrubbery and grass. After that I started adding the trees and then added a few more to give it depth and adjusted some of the coloring. So far the immersive symbolism I'm going for is slowly coming together! Since it just finished raining where you're located I tried to give the background the illusion of looking tolerably humid but slowly getting colder over time with a hint of decay in the distance. This is a better look of the dreary foreboding atmosphere compared to the "fairy-forest" from last week. >:,] It took a while but I also added a parallax effect here and optimized the images to save space. I kept getting an error when it came to the middle ground so I had to find and fix the problem which delayed things. I don't have a video to show it in action but maybe next time. I do want it to be known again that these automatically happen and don't follow the cursor. :,,]

Here's a sneak peek of the new choices you can do when you're in this area now. >;]

This part required a lot of brainstorming before I figured out how I wanted the explorative part to go. This was originally going to go a different way completely but a particular day caused me to just scrap it and start everything over. I have a very solid idea on how I want all of this to go better than ever so I can't wait to show some of the new areas! I didn't expect this background to take as long as it did to draw up but hopefully next week I'll have more done!

Progress doodle layout:

Since certain endings are being changed I thought it would be cool to animate a progress layout to visually show how everything is going! It shouldn't take too long to finish this section up since I already have a foundation laid out.

Noah's sprite sheet update:

As far as Noah sprite sheets goes, it's still in sketch mode and I haven't messed with them yet since I've been practicing. :,,]

There are some old drawing prompts I wrote down and sketches that I'm still doodling up behind the scenes so hopefully I can get to them at some point with some attached lore. :,]

Q&A / Ask box is still open:

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask here please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I would really like to hear from you guys!

Thank you to those who have sent in asks after everything got reset! I'll try to get to them when I can along with the ones that come to mind that got deleted. I just need time to answer since I like to respond with doodles/drawings as practice. :]

Overall that's everything I have to share so far, thank you guys for your continued encouragement and support through all of this, I wholeheartedly appreciate it! :,,]

[ambitionsource]

If magical madness, character development, and quirky questing is the game, then Arcana & Ambitions is the name. Welcome to a new fantastical alternate universe inspired by Dungeons & Dragons, where our favorite ensemble cast is preparing to face challenges -- and capers -- unlike anything they've confronted before. This story world has everything: hard-fought found family, themes and motifs, Charlie-centric religious allegory (I'm not saying he's A&A's Jesus / Moses / etc., but... I'm not not saying that?), tragic nuanced but hopeful RL backstory, magic as a metaphor for queer identity...

Also, Mr. Puff is a 12-foot tall dragon. Did I mention that part?

So much lore to unravel, epic legends to share... and this is just the beginning. Prepare your satchel and grab your lute, friends and vagabonds alike, because the adventure starts now. Welcome to the world of A&A, created for Meg as part of AMBITION Secret Snowflake 2024.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

CREATOR NOTE: Happiest new year, Meg! So... um... here's the thing. As you know, I have been all over the place these past few months. Life crazy, brain melty. So I told myself upfront I wasn't going to write something this year. But then, after a helpful and very fun brainstorm conversation with Lena (@dunsbar I owe you several life debts), I got this idea. I figured I'd make some notes, make these little trading cards, boom done. Cute idea, incorporates the blorbos and their complex dynamics (platonic, romantic, and otherwise), features fantasy and D&D which you love, so slam dunk. Only then... I got inspired. And then I got very inspired. And suddenly I had buckets worth of lore and several campaign ideas and a whole overarching plot for the entire "series" of A&A and there was just absolutely zero way for me to comprehensively complete all of that in, you know, a month or so. To say I overwhelmed myself would be an understatement.But this AU was also always intended to be a living document of sorts, in the spirit of D&D, where we could grow and play in the narrative together. So despite the fact that my proofs aren't completed and I've written like 5K words of scraps here and there nowhere near a coherent reading experience (though rest assured, I will share them with you), please accept this gift as a long-term investment. This is a promise, from me to you, that I will continue to sketch out this story world and play in the story sandbox with you -- and the rest of AAAGC, of course -- for many moons to come. This is my destiny, and hopefully yours, if you'll join me as a recruit. Thank you for opening your heart to the world of AMBITION, to my silly, story-weaving (sometimes out of control) brain, and gracing me with your friendship. Here is to many more campaigns to come. 💜🐉 Love, Maggie (And maybe someday I'll finally learn how to actually DM. This is a good starting point, right? AMBITION truly solves everything).

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Like any good D&D-type universe, there will be several quests to embark upon, but every journey has to start somewhere. For A&A, that's OBLIVION.

(And of course, there's music. Follow the playlist on Spotify!)

Synopsis and general description proceeds under the cut.

In this whirlwind first campaign, we follow Charlemagne "Charlie" Gardner, a human from the humble, pious fishing town of Haverfort. He'll be quick to tell you he's a very normal guy, fully content to live out the rest of his days as a quiet monk in the order of Charles Magnes studying the ancient texts. At least, that was the plan, until one little detail derails everything -- he has sorcerer blood in his veins, and thus magic at his fingertips, which chooses to present itself at the most inopportune time. In a community where use of magic is seen as sinful and strictly frowned upon, Charlie finds himself exiled before he can blink, even despite his insistence that he has no intent to use this new power. As far as he's concerned, it doesn't exist.

Charlie can problem solve though, so he crafts a new plan as his ostracism begins. He'll travel across the continent of Yew Nork in search of his older sister, Bridgit, who mysteriously also disappeared from home around her 20th orbit. If he can find her and bring her home, he figures, maybe they'll both be allowed to rejoin their town. Only one problem: the world out there beyond Haverfort is big, and full of curiosities and dangers Charlie has never even thought of facing before.

Not to mention it's lonely wandering on your own. Very, very lonely.

Lucky for him, it won't be long before he encounters new recruits to join his campaign. First there's Schippy, the seemingly average wild mutt-like critter whom Charlie elects to share some food with and immediately earns his devotion in response. Then he meets Dylan Orlando, a lively half-elf bard from Green Witch Village who is happy to partake in a little adventure (and more than eager to make a new friend). A trip through the vast canopy of the Brook Lynne Forest introduces Asher, a (reluctant) young tiefling druid who perpetually wears a pair of goggles he tinkered together himself, who only agrees to go along with them to Grand Central East marketplace to run an errand for his pixie friend, Jade Green. Once that's done, they'll go their separate ways again...

But things are only about to get wilder, with several compilations arising once they get to market. For one, Charlie's powers keep acting up the more he tries to suppress them, basically giving himself shock therapy on accident; Asher doesn't seem much better about his own tiefling abilities, which he's so scared of he also avoids using his druid powers (like being able to turn into a phoenix -- Bird Bones -- which is pretty damn cool if he'd actually use it). They're being tailed by this shadowy figure apparently known as Snapback, who seems intent to murder Charlie once he's done having a little fun with him (which hex knows why, but perhaps the ghostly shade woman who helps them out of a sticky situation in Tekkie Hollow can shed some light despite being surrounded by the darkness...)

There's the fact that Charlie has been having strange dreams, corresponding with a beautiful (who said that), bold figure compelling him to embrace his abilities who, oh yeah, apparently turns out to be a patron deity, AKA a literal god. Or what about the looming threat of Hell's Cauldron in the distant west, where the daemons of the dark world lurk and are certainly putting their mischievous fingers on the scale in what started as a small hike for a reunion that has now spiraled into a matter of gods and gravity far beyond Charlie's comprehension? Don't forget the worried whispers of The Oblivion, a monstrous force that has been terrorizing the continent in the west for well over a year and leaves utter ruin in its wake?

But like any epic saga with themes and motifs, the truth is never as simple as it seems... and we're about to start peeling back the layers in Ambition & Arcana Part 1: OBLIVION.

[meatball-headache]

Our little sprout is doing well! Haven't found the Great Tree yet, but here he is with all his friends! It takes 3 seconds to move one square. Send help, my computer is on fire.

He's level 25—not in this screenshot, though—so he's tied with my highest-ever level, Urdru. I don't think he has as many turns, though, and I have no idea what his score is until it's game over. Urdru had about 117,000 turns and some 200k points. Urdru never went to Bethesda, though, so I'm ahead there. In fact, I think I've passed the Great Tree progress-wise—I haven't achieved anything in Bethesda, technically, but I think I've gone deeper. I got to I think 12 strata deep, then I wanted to take a break so I left. Presumably, the way will stay clear for me when I return, I've never seen anything respawn, so.

Needless to say, our little weed man is my favorite character so far. He's adorable, for one, but he's also been very successful and is suspiciously powerful. Everything I've done has been a combination of hiding in my Force Bubble, and spamming Burgeoning until everything dies. I picked up Domination in case I could use it for shenanigans, but I also had the choice of Flaming Ray... kinda think I should've grabbed that so I could carve a path through the jungle... but, oh well.

Speaking of jungle, I guess it's time I got out of the kiddie pool. So far, all I've done besides the main quests is explore ruins in the nice, "safe" salt dunes and marshes. Very low-level stuff, obviously dangerous when you're a bab, but at my level, largely trivial—yet nonetheless occasionally full of scrap, cells, and books! That's how I play games, I fiddle around at the beginning until it's completely trivial and pointless... then I hang around some more before getting bored and starting over. Meatball "Calm Lands" Headache, they call me. (They don't.)

That's just how I roll? And, really, it's an idiotic and bizarre way to play. You know aversion to ever doing the story in any game—XIV, as always, the exception. Take No Man's Sky. Big new update just came out, right? There's a new class of stars, and you have to do a new quest to get to them. The new quest depends on you having finished the regular story quests. Y'know, the quests they added like six years ago. The quests I... never even started? Hell, my character doesn't even have the hazmat gauntlet, I only play the expeditions, really. Or, GTA 6 is on the horizon, whereas I have a thousand hours in GTA 5... Online. Never touched the actual story in the actual game, which is wild, because even in the regular game, there's a zillion non-MSQ things to do to keep you occupied forever. The best example, though, is Greedfall. As soon as I got through the opening, I ran off to explore the open world and searched every zone top to bottom, visiting all these places where I couldn't do anything, empty villages—presumably it'll be populated by NPCs when I get the story this far—and places with too-high-level enemies that I tried to beat anyway. By the time I had completely explored the entire world, overleveled myself a bunch, and seen what the game had to offer... I was bored, and didn't bother to do the story.

My point being about Qud, of course. I've got over 300 hours in the game now—I remember seeing a review that said it took them 80 hours to beat the game, and their phrasing suggested this was a long time. I remember reading reviews for FF6 back in the day, where they gave it a perfect score, but docked it for replay value—because how many times can you replay a game that takes 60 hours? Meanwhile, I'm seeing that and thinking, oh man, a nice big thick juicy game! Xenogears and Bloodborne took me 90 hours; Dark Souls III took me 120; Elden Ring took 350. And that's to say nothing of FFXIV, LOTRO, Warframe, GTAO, and more, and more...

So... am I going to push forward in Bethesda and finally advance the game? Am I going to begin exploring the jungle and start finding out what kind of interesting, exotic things are out there? Or am I going to continue acting like the sprout that I am, and fiddle around in the lowest-level starting areas, and tell myself something like "I want to find all the ruins before moving on!" or something stupid like that?

What it is, is, I think, I want to find one game that will satisfy me permanently. Impossible, I know, but still—I want a game that I can play forever. When I find something I like, I want to just go in circles with it, keep it and hold it, I want everything to be the same forever. Moving forward would change things. If I beat the game, then I won't have it anymore. If I go to the next dungeon, then the myriad possibilities that represents, the wondering and fascination and curiosity at what lies ahead, that all evaporates and becomes known, and done. Then I'd need a new game.

...which is of course healthier. Just sitting in the dark and playing one game forever isn't going to benefit me any. But, I'm really liking this game. So why not indulge? If I like it, I'd like anything I do, whether puttering around at the beginning, or pressing onward and finding new things. And boredom happens on its own regardless of what I do. So, does it matter what I do, how I play? I don't know. Feelings are as complicated as it gets, and I've mulled over this nonsense since I was no years old.

Meh. I'm having fun.

[bingebuddie]

Here... We... Go...

Hi all,

Well, so far, 2024 has sucked for me... but anyway...

I've been feeling pretty out of sorts mentally, and depending on where my head is at, I've been bouncing back and forth between Fics and my Wes and Cole novel.

I am going on a writing retreat May 4-12th... so... expect some major movement...

I wanted to provide a few updates on where I am with my Fics and other works.

Sideways:

Published updates here have been slower than I wanted or anticipated. This has nothing to do with the story, as I have this outlined for Arcs 6-10... Yes, up to Arc 10.

My personal life has gotten in the way a lot over the last few months and has just eaten up my time to write.

Now, Arc 6 will lead right into Arc 7 and 7 into 8. You will want to throw some stuff at me for some of the wtf moments and having to wait between arcs... but it's all coming. Anyone new to the series has had the benefit of reading five fully finished-out arcs that took me about a year to write. Have some patience with me. It will be worth it.

Arc 6, Into The Unknown, has multiple chapters drafted. I just need to clean up some edits from my beta, and they will be posted. May is going to be a big month for this arc.

This is a pivotal point in the series. It spans Chapters 37-48, making it the longest arc so far. This installment will delve into the Seals' backstory, their connection with Buck and Eddie, and much more. It’s a substantial piece of the puzzle that you won't want to miss.

This one does have some heavy moments...

This does end with a cliffhanger... But I promise, it's not our boys directly you are left wondering about...

Arc 7—Strong—Eddie will need his friends and family like never before. This is a heavy Diaz family arc. The outline is eight Chapters.

This also ends in a cliffhanger and that promise I made above... does not apply here.... insert evil laugh...

Arc 8 Genesis—This is the big one. It all comes together here, and it is the part I am most excited to write. It is also the longest, with an outline of 16 chapters. You will find out more about Genesis in Arc 6.

This arc will change all of their lives and the status quo as we know it. Grab your seats and tissues. The previous title for this was Unleashed...

Arc 9 - Experience/Circles - Tentative Title - No tease, as it will spoil what's to come...

Arc 10 - My All - googles Mariah Carey ...

Sideways isn't going anywhere...

Shifted:

Volume 1: Nevermore

This was originally planned to be 30 chapters. I have 20 published right now. The rest of this is outlined, and chapters 21-25 are written and ready to be published. I haven't posted these because Chapter 25 ends on a massive cliffhanger, and I don't want to leave you all hanging. I will be finishing this... after Arc 6 of Sideways ...

I have a plan for the second arc... but that's all the way behind everything else on my docket...

Impossible:

If you have read this one, I have yet to post the last chapter...

This has an MCD, and while I was writing this, I lost a friend. It was hard to finish. I have finished the outline, and this will be completed soon.

Run:

This is on hold. I have too much else to focus on. Consider this on hiatus until I say otherwise. It might even be scrapped... will see...

Would You Mind:

This one was a lot of fun... The wrap-up/epilogue is done; it's with my beta...

Lap Dancing Eddie will return... in Sideways...

I Don't Want To Be Your Freind:

As of today, 7 of 11 chapters are posted. This is all outlined. I have drafts of chapters 8-11 done. Going to beta and will be posting soon...

I started this leading up to Season 7; it was my mind dealing with all the rumors and leaks... In my mind and my group chat, I was calling this my Anti Tommy and Marisol fic...

This got way out of hand and became a monster of a fic...

Now... on to what else I have brewing...

Future Shock - 3 Part Series - Magic/BAMF/Mayhem/Found Family/Soul Mates/Redux/Ryan Throw's The Timeline Into A Blender and Tada...

As It Is - 2030 and the 118 have been a fractured team since the lawsuit. When members of the team start to be picked off one by one, Hen, Chim, and Bobby, have no one to turn to until friends and family return in their most desperate hour.

As It Was - Details what led to the fracturing of the 118. A retelling of Season 2 and part of season 3...

As It Was Always Meant To Be - Now reunited, will the 118 be able to rally around each other, or will their painful past be too much to overcome.

This has a loose outline and it's very large ...

Depressed, Devasted, and Destroyed aka Something To Hold On To:

I keep calling this Triple D or DDD... This is a pure angst fest... major whump... like I'm mad at myself for the whump here ... seriously...

This has an outline...

Relationship Goals—In an effort to rebuild their friendship after their recent relationships crash and burn, Buck and Eddie join a local hockey team along with some of Buck's old seal friends. This was pure fan service to myself and a way to get Buck, Eddie, Wes, and Cole to play hockey and not have to do it on Sideways. This currently sits around 60 pages.

Stolen - A stolen kiss changes everything between Buck and Eddie... This angst fest is somehow incredibly soft... This is about 35 pages right now...

The Ties That Bind - Buck breakdown fic... This might get scrapped and merged into DDD from above...

All I Want for Christmas - Think Scrooged Vs. It's A Wonderful Life Vs 911... This won't be posted until holiday time...

The Wes and Cole novel is still moving along... it's my refuge when the show does something stupid...

I should probably get to writing... it's not like I have nothing to do....

[snek-panini]

I've got another completed Binderary book to show off today. Back in 2021 I bound my first book, a copy of E.M. Forster's The Machine Stops. I made a post about it last year that you can read right here, if you want. As a first bind, it had a number of issues that I've since learned how to avoid and I've wanted for a while to revisit it and give it a more competent treatment. So one of my Binderary projects was a rebind.

The cover that you see up above is dark green book cloth around the edges with green-and-white printed scrapbook paper in the center, and silver foil htv for the title. Both pieces are scraps from other binds, which is a trick I like to pull with smaller books like this one. It's a legal quarto, far more appropriate for a short piece than the folio size I chose the first time around.

Have a look under the cut for more photos!

I chose mitered corners for the book cloth because it's an effective work-around for using up scraps because you don't need one continuous piece of material for them. I haven't seen anyone else doing them this way, and though I've done a handful like this all of them have been fic. One of the reasons I do public domain binds is so that I have... I guess decoy books? Sometimes people want to see what I do and I'm not always comfortable either explaining the concept of fanfic to them or answering questions about why there's so much queer sex in it. And I want to show off my mitered corners without that risk, so. Here we are. I like to think that Forster, a gay man, might think it was funny that I was using his story in particular to do this.

Other improvements over my original edition: No more paper spine! Title on the spine! Endbands! Though it's still too skinny for handmade ones, and too skinny for a ribbon. Can't have everything, I guess.

The endpapers are this bold scrapbook paper print. Feels very vintage. I never would have chosen them if I hadn't had the cloth borders; they would've been way too bold if I'd used that printed cover paper on its own. The title page was repurposed from another project. I had actually made it as an alternative option for you're like a tattoo, but the recipient preferred another design. I agree with their choice, and it feels more appropriate for this story about a lonely dying world that for their sexy sweet modern fic. I'm glad I got to use it for something though.

More improvements! Drop capitals! Page headers! No more page numbers on pages where I don't want them! This was a full re-typeset since it's for a different size paper. Hilariously, it's almost the same page count as the other edition, because I also reduced the text size. The original was in 12pt Times New Roman, this one's 10pt Baskerville. But it looks so much better.

Lest we succumb to hubris, the book gods send us the occasional disaster. It is frustrating but in a funny way that my new and improved, highly-polished bind of the same story had one. And an entirely new-to-me one at that. Somehow when I was casing this in, I got the back endpaper way too far into the hinge, creating an ugly ridge at the crease and a strip of naked board at the for edge. I case with PVA, which dries quickly, and I live in a desert, which exacerbates the problem. There was no peeling up and re-laying; it was not possible without totally destroying the endpaper, and I didn't want to do that. So I used a strip of thin faux leather to cover and reinforce the hinge, and a strip of the same book cloth at the fore edge to cover the bare board. Both were scraps, too small to be of much use in another cover, which is fitting considering how much of the rest of this book is also scraps. It honestly doesn't look half bad, in my opinion. Unconventional, but a lot of things about hobby bookbinding are.

And that's The Machine Stops! It was very nearly exactly four years ago that I bound it the first time. Bindaversary, and well as Binderary? I'm very glad I did it, it was totally worth it to have something I can show off now that my skills have improved.