#not the theater kids on snl though

[rain-shoshana]

Found the full sketch! It’s so good!!

I hope you appreciate the casual johnlock in this 90’s Granada Holmes SNL skit

[destinyc1020]

I think Wonka will do well. There hasn’t been a movie for kids in the theater in a long time. Disney’s Wish came out, but there wasn’t much interest. Let’s see if Wonka will be that family friendly hit.

Is "Wish" already out?? Oh wow.... 🥴 I feel like I didn't really see much fanfare for it... Not like a lot of other Disney film releases. I've been busy though, so maybe I missed a lot of the press for it.

Anyway, Idk how well "Wonka" will do in theaters after Timmy's SNL fiasco 😬, but I'm personally looking forward to it.

At the very least, it should be a fun, light-hearted, family-friendly film for people to go see during the holiday season. 😊

[project1939]

100 Films of 1952 

Film number 99: Actors and Sin 

Release date: May 29th, 1952. 

Studio: United Artists 

Genre: drama/comedy 

Director: Ben Hecht, Lee Garmes 

Producer: Ben Hect 

Actors: Edward G. Robinson, Eddie Albert, Marsha Hunt 

Plot Summary: This is actually two short films back-to-back. The first is Actor’s Blood, a melodrama about a father and daughter’s changing fortunes in the theater, and the second is A Woman of Sin, about a Hollywood agent who discovers the author of a hot new screenplay is a nine-year-old girl. 

My Rating (out of five stars): ** 

Yikes, this one was bad. (Or these two, I suppose, given it is two films in one?) The first film asks the question “What if we merged All About Eve and Sunset Boulevard in the worst possible way?” The second one is essentially a 45-minute joke. “Knock knock!” “Who’s there?” “Stupid!” “Stupid who?” “Hollywood producers are so stupid they would think a screenplay written by a 9-year-old is a masterpiece!” 

The Good: 

Eddie Albert was at least somewhat amusing as the Hollywood agent in the second section. 

Edward G. Robinson. He definitely overacted in a ridiculous melodramatic way, but I think that was probably the direction he was given. In any case, I love him, and his presence on the screen makes me happy, no matter how bad the material is. 

The film did a lot of name dropping of real Hollywood producers- Mayer, Warner, Goldwyn, Selznick, etc, which was kind of fun. The best part, though, was when a character said, “Selznick called,” but the subtitles read “Sweitzer called.”!!? 

The Bad: 

The quality of both films was not very good, and the split format didn’t work for me. The juxtaposition was jarring, and the only thing the two had in common was a seedy cynical look at the entertainment industry. 

The writing was terrible. I expected much better from Ben Hecht. The dialogue was pompous and stilted- it was trying way too hard to sound witty and sophisticated, and it failed. It was cringy. 

Was the first section supposed to be funny? I expected the opening scene of the film to turn out to be a parody, and I was horrified to realize it wasn’t. At least not obviously. I don’t really know how much humor I was supposed to find in it, but it didn’t succeed at either melodrama or dramedy. 

Marsha Hunt as Marcia Tillayou. Tillayou was an awful character with an awful name, and Hunt was pretty awful herself. I kept thinking it was meant to come off like All About Eve, but Hunt was the most inferior Margot Channing you could find. Nothing about her was appealing.  

The transparent predictability of the first film. I called the “murderer” from literally the first scene! 

The characters in the first film were all bland, undeveloped, and uninteresting. 

The second section was essentially a way too long drawn out joke- it might have worked as an SNL skit, but not as a 45 minute film. It was all one note really, and the kid gag got old very fast. 

There were running “jokes” of the Hollywood agent suddenly making out with his secretary that were kind of awkward and gross. 

Fat shaming a kid, really? The agent called a 9-year-old girl “fat” a couple of times. She was literally like a bean pole, for goodness sake! 

I don’t want to heap criticism on a child actor, but the girl who played Daisy in this was not good enough to carry a film of this length. She wasn’t bad, but it would have been funnier with a more skilled actress. But she was also the director/producer/writer’s kid in real life. So yeah. 

The ending of the second film was extremely unfunny. It was just a cringy cap on a cringy film. 

The title. Actors and Sin would be silly enough, but it is technically Actor’s and Sin, given that it’s an abbreviation of Actor’s Blood and A Woman of Sin. But part of my soul will literally die if I actually type Actor’s and Sin without an explanation! 

[hangovercurse]

Live from New York

You’re hosting SNL and get close with one of the cast members

Request: “hi! can you do something about pete where the reader is hosting snl and throughout the week they’re flirting with each other but she’s unsure if they should date and he convinces her? maybe a combo of fluff/angst/smut? it can be whatever :,)”

Pete x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: I told myself I wasn’t going to take that long on this one and then I ended up watching an entire documentary on the making of an SNL episode because I wanted to be as accurate as possible… someone stop me pls

Word Count: 2834

Monday

Despite being a swiftly rising actress, you hated being the enter of attention. You’d always gotten anxious as a kid when a teacher made you stand in front of the class for presentations or during first-day introductions. So being front and center in a room of 30 people who were all there to study and try to impress you was not something you found pleasant.

“Hi, I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” You spoke timidly to the crowded room, people clapping from their spots on the floor or various couches around the room, “it’s great to be here.”

Lorne cleared his throat, “alright, let’s start with you, Anna.”

You looked around the room as a young woman pitched the first sketch of the night, listening intently to her ideas while trying to match faces with the names Lorne had given you earlier. Then your eyes locked with a pair of deep brown ones, the man wearing a soft smile on his face. He radiated gentle energy despite the tattoos you could see running down his arms.

The pitches continued with an air of lightheartedness and fun. You found nearly everything funny, so you couldn’t even begin to imagine how you were going to cut any of the sketch pitches.

After a lull in ideas, Lorne announced that cast members could now pitch ideas for Weekend Update character appearances. The man you’d taken an interest in earlier, who you’d since learned was named Pete Davidson, pitched a new set of characters for you and him.

“You know those weird stoner kids in high school who were always hanging out in the parking lot and acted really weird and mysterious? Those characters who just give really vague answers to anything you ask and act like they’ve seen some shit when they have the most normal home lives.”

You giggled, knowing the exact kinds of kids he was talking about. Colin and Michael also chuckled, writing the idea down with some notes of their own. Soon after that, everyone went back to pitching regular sketches, Jost and Che pitching an unusual number of sketches featuring you and Pete.

After a few long hours, the session wrapped; everyone leaving the office space except for you and Lorne, “so, what did you think?”

You chuckled lightly, “you have some seriously talented people on this show, Mr. Michaels. I don’t understand how you guys write an entire show every week.”

“We all work very hard; I’ll tell you that. Now, talk to me. Anything you really liked or really hated?”

You shrugged, “you’re the comedy mastermind, I know nothing. But I thought that weird kids from high school bit was pretty funny.”

Lorne nodded, “So did Jost and Che it seems. Sometimes the kid has a good idea.” You giggled at his reference to Pete as “the kid.” He sighed, “anything else? I noticed you liked that proposal sketch.”

“Yeah, that one was super funny. I will say, I wasn’t too in love with the dad-teacher one, but I would have no problem with it being done with someone else as the daughter.”

Lorne and you spent the rest of the workday discussing the different sketch ideas that came up and gauging what type of comedy suited you best. Before you left, he introduced you to Donna, your dresser who would be helping you out throughout the week.

Tuesday

After a quick tour of the studio by Donna, you were given a list of cast members and writers who wanted to meet with you to get ideas about sketches. You first stepped into a small room with a desk and futon, Donna introducing you to Chloe Fineman and Celeste Yim.

Chloe smiled brightly at you, “okay, so we were thinking that we could do something where I bring you to a sleepover with some friends that you don’t know. But at some point, you try to go to sleep because you have a soccer tournament in the morning but everyone else is being loud and it turns into this big overdramatic argument.”

You giggled softly, “I love that!”

After writing with them for a while, you were whisked away to room after room, finally landing in Colin Jost and Michael Che’s office, where they were hunched over a computer with Pete.

Colin smiled at you, “hey Y/N, how’s your day been?”

“Busy, how are you guys?”

The men responded with variations of “good,” before Michael spoke, “I know it’s late, so don’t feel obligated to stay longer than you’re comfortable with.”

You shrugged, “what time is it? It doesn’t feel that late.”

Pete laughed, teasing Colin and Michael, “c’mon guys, don’t you know that the young people of New York don’t sleep?”

You giggled in agreement as Colin frowned, “I’m only 38, that’s not that old.”

“I’m only 26, Colin,” you said, laughing at the men.

Michael patted Colin on the shoulder, “Jost, we’re getting old.”

Colin frowned before clearing his throat, “anyways, we had a couple ideas for some sketches with you and Pete, if you’re up for it, and we wanted to hash out your weekend update appearance.”

You smiled and nodded, “yeah, that sounds great.”

The rest of the night (and into the early morning) was spent with the three men, eventually joined by Heidi Gardner and Kyle Mooney to work them into the scripts. A majority of the writing process was simply messing around with various sketch situations until someone found a joke that worked best.

Pete watched you carefully the entire night, doing everything in his power to make you laugh. You had no complaints, doing your best to not openly flirt with him in front of the rest of the cast (and failing quite miserably).

Wednesday

Wednesday was the designated day for the roundtable readthrough. You took a place between Pete and Lorne, who began the reading, “we’ve got 41 sketches so let’s get started.”

The table read was just like any other you’d been through; Lorne wasting no time between sketches to discuss or joke. You struggled with containing your laughter throughout the reading, trying to act professionally. It didn’t help that Pete was making jokes any chance he got, eliciting even more giggles from you.

The three hours seemed to take no time at all as sketch after sketch was read out loud. Every so often you would catch Lorne looking at you with an eyebrow raised, usually after you read one of the sketches with Pete.

After everyone was dismissed, you were led to Lorne’s office with the head writers and producers. There was a large wall covered in sticky notes with each sketch’s name written on one. Lorne turned to you, “what do you think?”

You scanned the wall, listing off some of the sketches that you really liked, though most of them were  great, so you had trouble narrowing them down.

Lorne let out a small laugh, “you guys noticed how she picked out the sketches with Pete in them, too, right?”

Your face went hot, immediately turning to face the ground. Colin and Michael chuckled, “we noticed,” the latter commented.

“There’s nothing wrong with it, Y/N, just wanted to point it out to you.” Lorne teased before turning back to the wall and thinking.

You giggled, “you guys suck.”

As embarrassed as you were, your anxiety was surprisingly low. You had been worried about hosting since you got the invite, but the cast and crew had been nothing but kind to you. Even just being able to make jokes like this with the writers made you feel oddly comforted.

You worked on narrowing down which sketches to keep for rehearsals and which ones were going to get cut immediately, a job that was very easy for Lorne but very difficult for you.

Eventually you got it down to enough sketches that Lorne was satisfied and he sent out the list to the cast. He led you out of his office, “you know, you have a real affinity for comedy,” he told you. “I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about sketch comedy, but from that read through you seem to know what you’re doing.”

You blushed slightly, thanking him, “we’ll see if you’re still saying that on Saturday.”

He chuckled, “have a good night.” You waved at him as you walked towards the exit, running into none other than Pete Davidson.

“Hey, you headed out?”

You smiled, “yeah, just got out of my meeting with Lorne. Did you get a chance to look at the revised sketch schedule?”

Pete nodded, walking with you to the door of the theater, “yeah, I noticed you kept a lot of our sketches in there,” he bumped your shoulder, a playful smirk on his face.

A giggle rolled from your lips, “what can I say? We’re funny together.”

He raised an eyebrow, watching as you flagged down your taxi, “whatever you say.”

“Are you complaining about having to work with me?” You asked, opening the door.

He chuckled, “oh yeah. I am just dreading tomorrow.” Sarcasm laced his words, making you laugh.

“Goodnight, Pete.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

Thursday

Donna ushered you around all day, making sure you were in the rehearsal space when you needed to be and supporting you from the side. This part of the process came naturally to you, as it was the most similar to rehearsing and filming on movie sets.

When you weren’t rehearsing a scene, you were hanging out with Pete. It was strange how easily you got along, your humors aligning almost perfectly. Not to mention he was a huge flirt and was making it more and more obvious with you. You flirted right back, earning looks of amusement from Lorne throughout the day.

The day was a whirlwind, and by the time you were able to go home, you were exhausted. Pete walked you out to the street again, talking about one of the sketches that went wrong earlier until your taxi pulled up. This time he opened the door for you and helped you inside, “see you tomorrow.”

You smiled up at him, “bright and early.”

Friday

After hours of rehearsing, you plopped onto the couch in Pete’s dressing room, where you had found yourself a home over the past few days, “I don’t know how you guys do this every week. I’ve been here for four days and I’m exhausted.”

Pete chuckled, “to be fair, you’re the host. The key is to try and only get one sketch into the show so that you don’t have to do anything during the week.”

You laughed, letting a comfortable silence fall over you. Pete studied you, taking in your tired appearance, “you’re doing great though, being a host. I’ve seen some people come in and try to take control of everything and then no one has fun. You’re really good at just letting the comedy speak for itself. Not many people do that.”

Shrugging, you responded, “I mean, I’m not a comedian, I’m just an actor. You guys come up with everything. I don’t know enough to try and control things around here, I just do what I can to make your visions come to life. I figured that’s what a host should do.”

Pete nodded, “yeah, but again, a lot of people want their SNL episode to look a certain way. You don’t seem to care.”

“I just want to have fun, honestly.”

He smirked, “are you?”

You looked up to him with a smile on your face, “definitely.”

Suddenly the speaker in the room rang out, “Y/N and Pete to main stage 1.”

Groaning, you lifted yourself from the couch, Pete watching you with amusement, “c’mon Ms. Host, we’ve got a show to rehearse.”

Saturday

The day was hectic; filled with rehearsal after rehearsal. Lorne and Donna made sure that you were comfortable all day, but you could feel the stress radiating from every inch of the studio.

Stronger than that, though, was the sense of excitement buzzing around everyone. You were fit into more costumes than you could count, all leading up to the final dress rehearsal of the night in front of the live studio audience.

Dress ran smoothly, but you could see Lorne cutting lines from sketches from stage out of the corner of your eye. Luckily, Pete distracted you from all the anxious energy. “I know Lorne looks like a psychopath, but that’s just what he does. Everything’s fine, don’t stress about it,” he said over dinner.

You chuckled, “thanks. I feel so out of my league this week.”

“I told you, you’re great. Everyone here loves you. I heard Lorne talking about wanting you back as soon as possible.”

Rolling your eyes, you responded, “yeah right, I’m never gonna do anything big enough to get me on this show again.”

Pete laughed, “you could always make guest appearances with me on the Weekend Update.”

“You aren’t sick of me already?” you joked.

After dinner you were paraded around by Donna, who got you into your style for opening monologue. She smiled at you through your dressing room mirror, “how are you feeling?”

You gave her a nervous smile, “terrified, but ready.”

The lady chuckled, “you’ll do great. I’ll be right offstage if you need anything.”

“Thank you, for everything this week.”

She squeezed your shoulders, “don’t mention it, though if you really want to thank me, go ask that Davidson boy out on a date.”

Your eyes went wide, “Donna!”

A chuckle rang out through the room, “what? I say it for your own good.”

She led you through a maze of hallways and tunnels until you were in place to walk onstage, the speaker announcing your name to the audience followed by cheers.

Exactly 90 minutes later you were gathered with the cast on stage, “thank you to Fletcher, Lorne Michaels, this amazing cast and crew, and thank you all for watching. Goodnight everybody!”

You turned to Pete, who was standing beside you and let him pull you in for a hug, “you did it!” he cheered.

You passed around the cast, giving hugs to as many people as you can before Lorne announced, “that’s a wrap on Y/N Y/L/N and Fletcher!”

Everyone cheered, clapping for you and your musical guest before heading to their dressing rooms to change into their night clothes. You went back to your own dressing room, taking a moment to bask in the feeling of accomplishment.

A knock on your door pulled you out of your haze, “come in!”

Pete entered the room, a wide smile on his face, “congrats!” You let him pull you in for another hug, “so I know that there’s supposed to be this big party after the show, but I was wondering if you’d let me take you to dinner instead?”

Your breath got caught in your throat, those words being the last thing you expected to hear from him. Of course, you wanted to say yes because you did, truthfully, really like him. But part of you was hesitant.

You’d dated your fair share of celebrities, and things always ended very publicly and typically poorly. On top of that, you couldn’t help but feel that this might be happening a bit too quick. You started to doubt that he would still have feelings for you in a week since he wouldn’t be around you nearly all the time.

And then there was the issue of your insane work schedules. Having just lived through his, you weren’t sure if you would be able to keep a relationship like that.

“Pete, I think you’re amazing and I really like you, I just-“

Pete nodded his head, cutting you off, “I know we only met like a couple of das ago, but people go on dates with literal strangers all the time.”

You sighed, “it’s not that, Pete, it’s just that…” you paused, searching for words, “things like this tend to be very public with me, and I really don’t want to have a relationship where there’s all this pressure by the media to be perfect.”

He shrugged, “I get that, but it’s just dinner. And we can go somewhere quiet and private, no one has to know. And if things go further then we’ll just keep it on the down low until you’re ready. Trust me, I know what a public relationship is like, I’m not a huge fan either.”

“Yeah, but what about your work schedule. I mean, I’ve only lived in your world for six days and I want to sleep for a month. How do you even hold a relationship on this schedule?”

Pete moved closer to you, fingers grazing your arm, “we can make it work. I promise. Just give me one date, and if it’s not the best first date of your life, you have no further obligations to me.”

You giggled lightly, leaning into his touch, “I’m only saying yes because you’re kinda cute.”

He smiled down at you, eyes twinkling, I’ll take it.”

[waitimcomingtoo]

Story idea: SNL monologue with Tom? Thank you Sam!!

SNL

Synopsis: Tom makes his SNL debut

Masterlist

“Tonight’s host, Tom Holland!”

Upon hearing his cue, Tom emerged from behind the curtains. He unbuttoned his jacket as he walked upstage. Tom waved to the audience and clasped his hands behind his back as he waited for the audiences applause to die down.

“Hello everybody. I’m very grateful to be here hosting Saturday Night Live for the first time. I am also very grateful that disney let me out of their basement.” Tom smiled as the audience laughed, breaking the ice. 

“They have me staying at a hotel just down the road from here.” Tom pointed behind him. “I’ve stayed there before actually. Not inside though. When Spider-Man was out of the MCU for awhile, I had to sleep on the streets and I set up camp right outside that hotel. Yes, I was homeless. Yes, I’m a millionaire. We exist.” Tom sized up the camera before breaking into a smile.

“I’m really excited to be doing comedy tonight. If you’ve seen my films, you know I’m usually crying or running away from something. That’s why when I told my parents that I’d be hosting SNL, my mum asked if my monologue was gonna be four straight minutes of me sobbing. Thanks mum.” Tom winked at the camera as the audience laughed.

“Another person I’d like to thank tonight is my beautiful girlfriend, y/n.” He paused while the audience clapped. “She always told me she’d be there for me no matter what. She left me for Chris Pratt when I was kicked out of the MCU, but she still sends me really supportive texts so it guess it still rings true.” Tom have a fake smile before pretending to break down in tears. “Y/n, please come back baby, I miss you so much. Chris isn’t even that attractive. He only has those abs for like, two months out of the whole year. Mine last for at least three.” Tom held up three fingers and wiped at invisible tears.

“I’m only kidding. Y/n and I have been together for three years. Unfortunately, I promised her I wasn’t gonna talk about her in my monologue, so those three years may be ending tonight. Sorry, darling.” He grimaced at the camera.

“Also here tonight is a fellow brit, Harry Styles.” The audience applauded again. “I don’t know who he is but when I told my girlfriend he was the musical guest, she died. Right there, she just died. She really did. I don’t hold a grudge against Harry or anything. It happens. People die, you guys ever see Avengers Endgame?” Tom pointed at the audience with a wicked smile as the got the joke. “Sorry, sorry. That was a low blow. I’m just really hoping Harry Styles is not backstage seducing my girlfriend right now. He came at the worst time, too. Have you seen how amazing his hair is?” Tom asked and the audience cheered. “I had to shave my head recently for a project I’m working on called Cherry. In response, my girlfriend has stopped calling me by my name. She calls me “Eleven”, “Mad Max fury road”.” Tom listed off and the audience laughed. “The whole title. She calls me the entire title of the movie. And maybe the most hurtful nickname of all, “Gypsy Rose Blanchard”.” Tom pretended to wipe another tear from his eye.

“Something a lot of people don’t know about me is that I’m a trained dancer. When I was little, I took ballet at a place called Nifty Feet.” Tom said and stared at the audience with a tired expression. “There’s no joke about it. The fact that my mother made me be a ballerina when I was seven years old is the joke.” He scowled.

“I was in a movie over the summer called Spider-Man: Far From Home with Jake Gyllenhaal.” Tom said and the audience clapped. “Thank you, thank you. Jake and I became really good friends actually. We started spending a lot of time together and formed a bit of a bromance, minus the “b”.” Tom said with a hand to the aide of his mouth as if he was whispering. “Anyway, my girlfriend started getting a little jealous and said I was spending way more time with Jake Gyllenhaal than I was with her. So one night when I had off the next day, she asks me to hang out. I tell her I’d love to, but I already made plans with Jake. I wasn’t lying either, Jake and I had plans to elope at a nearby church. So she gets all grumpy and I start getting ready, when Jake calls me and cancels our plans. So I go to her with my tail between my legs and I tell her we can hang out. She gets so excited and says we can just chill and watch a movie, and she’ll even let me pick. And for some reason, she got super angry with me when I put on Broke Back Mountain.” Tom shrugged and the audience burst into laughter.

“Hey Tom.” Harry Styles entered from stage right on cue and put an arm around Toms shoulders.

“Harry? What are you doing here?” Tom asked as if he didn’t know Harry was coming.

“Well I was just backstage seducing your girlfriend and I thought I’d come say hello.” Harry smiled at the audience and waved to a few girls.

“He’s kidding.” Tom assured the audience.

“I’m not.” Harry said through his wide smile. He and Tom laughed for a moment.

“For real though, he’s kidding.” Tom said.

“I’m not.” Harry shook his head with that same smile as he clapped Tom on the back.

Tom and Harry looked at each other for a long time, letting awkward silence fill the theater. Finally, they broke into smiles and hugged each other dramatically.

“We have a great show tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Stay tuned for Harry Styles and enjoy the show!” Tom called out before walking off.

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona @sunrise-shawn  @foreverxholland @writing-for-hours-on-end @lavender-writer @captainmandeestudent17 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @theolwebshooter @autumnlyholland @andreasworlsboring101 @guksmyfav @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @ho-ho-holland @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention @m19friend @justcallmehitgirl @iamanerdot @averyfosterthoughts @jackiehollanderr @tiny-friggin-human @celestial-skylines

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

i saw in your bio your pronouns are “she/her probs” if you wouldn’t mind could you elaborate on that? you 100% don’t have to bc at the end of the day it’s none of my business but i’ve been thinking a lot about my own gender identity recently and your pronouns caught my eye

okay so basically, when i was born the doctor wasn’t there, he was helping out the teenage girl next door, and my mom had done it a bunch of times already so it was kinda no big deal? so there was no one there to be like “it’s a girl!” and i’ve been chasing that high ever since.

i was the youngest of too many, growing up on street with only little boys and my parents were never home so we’d basically be out and about until like 11pm trying to decide which god from the greek mythos was our secret parent and never once was i a girl with them we just didn’t have gender it didn’t exist

my two older sisters were extremely close whereas my two older brothers were hated each other and I was close with both of them individually so i never interacted with my sisters bc they were always hanging out together

when i started being a woman in middle school (my mom said I had to :/ ) i didn’t do it right and the first question i got asked was “are you a boy or are you a lesbian?”

i was so obsessed with looking like my older brother i kept my hair super super long and to this day he hasn’t cut it he keeps it in a man bun but i cut mine short directly after high school so i could go to an hwc like the fucking lesbian i am

the first girl i dated had four fingers in total on both her hands, not counting thumbs, and we fell in love play wrestling and like, physically rough housing, like i had with the little boys on my street growing up. she plays the viola to this day i think

when i first saw my now ex-boyfriend my first thought was, he’s either a lesbian or he’s trans, and to this day he’s identified as every label on the lgbtqa spectrum which is funny to me

i like the way i look in a binder but maybe that’s just cause i hate my body and want to punish it?

growing up i played a bunch of sports bc the commutes were the only guaranteed time alone i had with my dad and it was on a softball field in sixth grade that i realized i was a lesbian while looking at the short stop. her sister was a lesbian but the girl i liked was very straight :/

every dress i buy makes me look like an ethereal woodland goddess except for the one i bought that makes me look like a witch, and i look objectively gorgeous in them all except i dont wanna be pretty i want girls to jump out of their boots when they see me so i can catch them in my big strong arms and carry them home

once this kid i had a crush on and i watched the carmilla movie together. they were dating someone and i was pretty sure i was in love with them and when the sex scene came on i did not kiss them which i am both proud of and deeply regret

we also watched the miseducation of cameron post together with similar results

my grandfather carried around a pocket knife around with him everywhere bc he wanted to be useful, i carry around a backpack with a playing deck, a phone charger, a portable charger, a charger for my portable charger, a bar, bandaids, hand sanitizer, pen, pencil, notepad, pencil sharpener, a candle, a flashlight, a compass, matches, a book, lip stuff, pads, tampons, advil, neosporin, and a knife.

my dad has a big leather jacket i steal from him constantly and it’s big and brown and i keep an acorn in the pocket of it like i’m a stardew valley character who might need a nature snack. it’s very good for hiding in and definitely conceals my body

whenever i go shopping with my sisters they always try and dress me up as femininely as possible, despite neither of them being feminine in the slightest. whenever i go shopping with my brother i always empty my wallet. so i dont go shopping.

once i explained this problem to a close friend and he dropped off four shirts and those are pretty much the only thing i wear now. i found one pair of jeans that fit and i just wash those when they get dirty and hope low rise comes back into fashion eventually cause high rise hurts my belly

over time my friend group and family (extended family) has become increasingly trans allowing me to explore my gender for what it is, i don’t feel as though i always need to present anything bc often they’re too tired or in chronic pain to present anything either. in truth, my name is not gus, but it’s one i’m considering going by offline and that a few friends call me. i have warned my fam that i might change my name and pronouns and they were all like :/// okay sweetie, but not they/them okay? the grammar would be a nightmare which like. i’ll take it. they accepted me being a theater kid when i thought i was a theater kid, i’ll give ‘em a break on this one

this snl sketch is a very good thing that was made, my sister is one of those women at the beginning, she’s extremely fashion minded and so smart and aesthetic. the line ‘as a child you were humiliated in a kohls fitting room where your mother said something so harmful it seared off the top layer of your brain”

it was actually my mother’s room where i had been called fat one too many times by my brother and went to her and asked if i was. she said i could stand to lose a few.

my mother really struggled to lose her own baby weight as she had me late in life and with so many kids financial woes didn’t really ease out until i was maybe 7? 8? i didn’t realize at the time but she was looking at her reflection in one of the big mirrors she had in her room and even if she was talking to me she wasn’t talking to me, you know?

my mom did eventually lose the weight and got really in shape, like insanely in shape, she can now outrun god and dead lift satan on the days where her knee isn’t bothering her.

what else what else.

this poem:

“the tomboy grew up and she never went tame and she never found boys or makeup or nothing – nothing wrong with the girls who did but also it’s not inevitable, this progression womanhood rejected you, because where are the grownup tomboys? there’s no room for the rough-and-tumble girls to become rough-and-tumble foulmouthed broad-shouldered women. it’s alright to play at, daughter, they told you, but you have to grow up, and you were confused because you were playing at nothing the tomboy grew up, nonetheless. and instead of wrestling with friends she wrestled with herself for a while. but despite what they said, here she is, still rough, still wild. don’t believe the lies, daughter. grow as you need to. allow yourself to be pruned only to become stronger. grow bold and proud, daughter, like the trees that give you shelter, tomboy, wild girl. love the girls you dream of being strong for and the friends who bear you up when the storms shake your roots. there is value in the crabapple trees, wild daughter, even if the orchard-keeper turns up his nose. know this always, daughter: i love you exactly as you are, and however you need to be” by @sailorshadow

for julia in nebraska by addrienne rich

my friend got me that shirt during quarantine and i got the haircut a few weeks later

on the subject of rita mae brown who wrote ruby fruit jungle, i read the book while overseas in two days, didn’t look up the entire time, and was one of the first gay books i read. one of the things i loved about it was how the speaker was so unapologetically herself. how it ends on a note of bitter strength and triumphant defeat. i reread it while in georgia last year and found i had outgrown it. you might find some comfort in it, idk, just watch out bc there is some terf stuff in it? it aint perfect so just keep an eye out for that, it doesn’t ruin the book i don’t think, there’s other good stuff in it.

here’s some pictures of men:

growing up i was also surrounded by picture books, my grandmother was a children’s book librarian, and here are a couple of important figures:

then how to catch an elephant by amy schwartz but in particular this page:

and i’m sure i’m forgetting things but here’s my gender euphoria playlist:

i’m sure there’s stuff i’m not thinking of but i think that’s the gist of it? if you have any questions feel free to ask

ope! i almost forgot a couple of other important things:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hq27hcPTzDo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENxbcvUXfnM

hope this helps you on your journey!!!!!!

[madeofitzits]

In honor of the impending return of Brooklyn 99, here are 99 reasons that...

1. He was precocious enough to know, at 5 years old, that he wanted to change his name (x)

 2. He has a bunch of nicknames: Sandy Amberg, Young Sandwich, etc. but the most endearing one is 'Droidy', his family's name for him (x) 

3. He is still super close friends with people he's known since: Elementary School (Chelsea Peretti) (x)...

4. Junior High/High School (Kiv and Jorm) (x) 

5. … Summer Camp (Irene Neuwirth) (x)

7.  ...and Film School (Chester Tam) (x)

8. Before he met Joanna, he dated other famous ladies but - out of respect - he never discussed it/them (x) 

9. He loves turtles and tortoises. When he was a kid, he had a pet turtle that he named 'Squirt' because the first time he held it, it peed on him. His Mom, Margie, accidentally killed Squirt when Andy was at Summer camp... (x)

10. … Maybe this is why, when shooting 'Popstar', Andy fell hard for Maximus (Conner 4 Real's turtle). He says they "had a good thing going" and that he wanted to adopt him. In the end, he decided against it because there are a bunch of coyotes in his neighborhood and he was worried the little guy wouldn't be safe. (Popstar: DVD Commentary)

11. Speaking of his Mom, despite being a super private person, he appeared on 'Finding your Roots' so that he could help her track down her birth family (x)

12. When he succeeded he cried (although we never got to see it on camera) (x)

13. That's because, like all good boys, he loves his Mama which is why - as part of the same episode - he said "My mom is basically the kindest person I know… and many people would corroborate that" (x)

14. Andy's Sisters, Hannie (Johanna) and Darrow, used to make him wear diapers and put his hair in pigtails until he was 5 years old. He says he didn't mind because he just liked that they were paying attention to him (x)

15. That's why he sees his identity in comedy as being 'America's kid brother'. When he was young, he would annoy his sisters until they laughed and he claims to have been replicating that approach to entertainment ever since

16. Although a bunch of his characters have 'Daddy Issues', Andy definitely doesn't. He's super close with his Papa (Joe) and has said "he's a good man" and "the best Dad in the world" (x) 

17. Joe was Andy's youth soccer coach and in one scene in 'Hot Rod', Joe's favorite photograph can be seen in the background. It shows a very young Andy posing with a soccer ball, after "scoring the winning goal against Mersey" (x)

18. He's been a loyal Golden State Warriors fan since he was a little kid, living in Oakland (then Berkeley) and, in 2010, he correctly predicted that they would "win a Championship in my lifetime" (x) 

19. The proceeds from his Umami Burger ('The Samburger') went to a deafness early detection program in Berkeley. This cause is close to his heart because Margie uses hearing aids and used to work in the special needs program, teaching deaf kids (x)

20. He, Kiv, and Jorm have made multiple donations to their old school district, including $250 000 to its theater program (x)

21. On the subject of The Lonely Island; Andy always goes out of his way to make sure that everyone knows how much he owes to his buddies. For instance, he told Marc Maron, during his WTF appearance, that "I get a lot of credit for what Kiv and Jorm have done" (x)

22. He makes this face when he knows he’s said something naughty…

(Gif credit: @andrewsambags)

23. During his 'Wild Horses' appearance, he said that he can't watch scary movies because they freak him out too much. He told 'Complex' that he's still scared of 'The Shining' (x)...

24. … Similarly, when he was at UC Santa Cruz he worked at the Del Mar movie theater and he had a hard time coping with screenings of 'Species 2' (x)

25. He fell in love with Joanna, the moment he met her, when she greeted him by addressing him as 'Steve the C**t' (x)

 26. He listened to 'Ys', everyday for a year, before he and Joanna started dating (x)

27. He bought the original portrait that was used as the basis of the cover art for 'Ys' and gave it to Joanna as a Christmas present, so that she could hang it in her music room (x)

 28. He loves birds and goes hiking and birding with Joanna (x)

 29. Every new comment he makes about Joanna becomes an instant contender for 'most beautiful thing a person has ever said about their spouse' (x)

30. For example, he readily admits that Jake's iconic heart eyes are the result of him thinking about his amazing wife (x)

31. There are many stories about how incredibly romantic Andy and Joanna's wedding was and Jorm has said that it featured "the most magical vows I've ever heard" (x)

32. The Newsombergs now live in Charlie Chaplin's old house (x)

33. On the Emmys Red Carpet (2015), the year he hosted, they took a momentary break from posing for the world's press to whisper 'I love you' to each other (x)

34. At last year's Vanity Fair party, Andy carried Joanna's purse for her so she could grab a snack (x)

35. He was a semi-permanent fixture in the audience for her recent run of shows for the 'Strings/Keys Incident' tour, even officially confirming his status as the 'President of her Fan Club' (x)

36. He used his Golden Globes monologue to call out the government for framing and murdering the Black Panthers (x)

37. On the Carpet for the Guy's Choice Awards, he called the event "a ridiculous farce", adding that "men already have it so easy - it's insane that there's a show that celebrates them". That makes sense when you consider that he, Kiv and Jorm have made an entire career out of parodying toxic masculinity (x)

38. He once said that only "idiot-ass men" think that women aren't funny (x)

39. He’s been wearing glasses since 7th Grade and he has the most heartbreakingly cute habit of nudging them up his nose, (especially when he wears his Sol Moscot frames) (x)...

40. ... and of rubbing his eyes under them (x)

41. He barely ever wears glasses for roles but he also avoids contacts (because he doesn't like touching his eyeballs) which means he's almost always 'acting blind' (x)

42. He has worn his glasses in character a few times - as 'himself' ('Lady Dynamite'), as 'Paul' ('I Think You Should Leave') and during a very small number of SNL sketches (e.g. during his one appearance in a 'Gilly' with Kristen Wiig) (x) 

43. He can't tolerate glare and when that makes him squint it's a sight that's too cute for words (x)

44. He owns about six outfits and has been rotating them for well over a decade (x) 

45. He barely ever breaks during shooting/while performing, so when he does it's aggressively adorable. (x), (x)

46. He's a grown ass man who persuades people to come with him to the bathroom because if he goes by himself he'll get lonely (x)

47. He didn't announce he was leaving SNL, until after his last appearance, selflessly choosing not to detract from Kirsten Wiig's huge and emotional send-off (x) 

48. He undertook a quest to smell like Lorne Michaels (x) 

49. He's ageing like a fine wine (x)

50. To protect their daughter's privacy, Andy and Joanna never announced that they were expecting. They've never released their little girl's name or date of birth and most news outlets still report that they became parents in August 2017 (even though that's inaccurate) (x)

51. Although he's careful not to talk about his daughter often, sometimes he can't keep from gushing about her. For example, when asked about his first year of fatherhood he said: "It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just like a beautiful, incredible dream. It has surpassed every expectation I ever had. It’s definitely been very blissful" (x)

52. After their daughter was born, Andy and Joanna spent the first 40 days at home with her (in a practice known as 'confinement'). He's described it as being "a really special time". (x) 

53. Andy is famously mild-mannered but, when asked about what triggers his 'Dad claws', he admitted that if anyone attempted to touch his daughter, without permission, he'd "probably sock them hard in the face"…

54. ...Characteristically, he went on to add that he hopes that never happens, since he hasn't been in a fight since 6th Grade (x)

55. Cyndi Lauper was his first celebrity crush and he plays her record ('She's so unusual') for his daughter all the time. (x)

56. His is the very definition of a precious laugh (x)...

57. It's made even more wonderful by the way it makes his voice go high-pitched (x)

58.  … and the way it causes his eyebrow to rise involuntarily  

59. It's impossible not to smile at his impression of his Mom (x)

60. And laugh at his impression of John Mulaney (x)

61. He was so convinced he wouldn't win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, that he didn't prepare a speech. Instead, as he explained to David Letterman, he "just went… and started drinking". The resulting list of improvised 'thank yous' was perfect in every way (x)

62. As producers, Andy, Kiv and Jorm have given life to some amazing projects ('Alone Together', 'Brigsby Bear', 'I Think You Should Leave')...

63. … and gone out of their way to support women in comedy ('Party Over Here', 'PEN15') (x)

64. As well as being a comedy legend, he's a super-talented dramatic actor, who gave the performance of a lifetime in 'Celeste and Jesse Forever' but, after the movie wrapped, and it was time to do press for it, he was straight back to goofing around (x) 

65. His lip bite should be illegal (x)

66. Even though he wears the same vanishingly small number of outfits, over and over, he has a vast collection of the most excellent socks (x)

67. He always gives 'editing notes' during his own interviews (x)

68. He has a super sweet and sincere way of thanking interviewers when they compliment him (x)

69. He adjusts his hoodie constantly (x)

70. The two most perfect Jake laughs in b99 are actually real Andy laughs 'https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W38A_xuXaeg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sVm9nYrTWRQ

71. Virtually everyone who has ever worked with Andy has talked about what a wonderful person he is. This explains why so many of them have been involved with more than one of his projects (x)

72. It's not only his colleagues who talk about what a delight he is (x), (x)

73. This lovestruck fool wore his own wife's merch when he went out to dinner (x)

74. No one else uses the word 'dinky' quite like Andy (x). The same goes for 'snacky' (see point 70)

75. He does this with his tongue (x)

76. He still likes to play soccer but his eyesight is so bad that he has to keep his glasses on for it

77. When he lets his gorgeous floofy hair grow a little it sits perfectly over the arms of his glasses (x)

78. He gifted the world with Jakey's little curl (x)

79. At the James Franco Roast, he couldn't bring himself to be mean to anyone except himself (and Jeff Ross, a little!) (x)

80. In fact, he's always been willing to laugh at himself (x) and he still is (x)

81. He changes b99 scripts to make them more feminist (x)

82. Despite their humble insistence that they just benefited from 'good timing', the reality is that Andy, Kiv and Jorm (along with Chris Parnell) revolutionized digital media, when 'Lazy Sunday' popularized YouTube, increasing its traffic by 85% overnight (x)

83. He once attended the Vanity Fair party because his Mom told him to (x)

84. He has an amazing way of subtly but firmly shutting down inappropriate questions, like when this interviewer suggested that Holt being gay was something that could have been played for laughs https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=idQsYQfkR5o

85. He auditioned for SNL at the same time as Bill Hader. Hader thought he'd blown it because Andy had a bunch of props and Bill had none. In the meantime, Andy thought he'd blown it when he saw Hader and realized 'this guy doesn't need any props' (x) 

86. His bromance with Seth Meyers is one for the ages (x)

87. Every single second of this video is proof of why Andy, Kiv and Jorm deserve the world (x)

88. He once dragged Mulaney up on stage for SNL Goodnights, even though writers weren't allowed to join in (x)

89. He has a hilarious phobia of pooping anywhere except his own bathroom (x) 

90. His beautiful, beautiful, face: His smile (radiant), his eyes (caramel - hella disarming), his ears (adorably asymmetrical), his nose (perfect), His chin (the dimple… *swoon*), his jaw (could cut glass), The 'Sambeard' (another amazing layer of pretty) (x)

91. His body: His butt (x), his thighs, (x) his soft lil tummy (The ‘Sambelly’) (x), his hands. (x), his arms (x), his hips…

(Gif credit: @amystiago /@badpostandy on Twitter)

92. All signs point to the fact that, like Jake, Andy uses his glasses case as a wallet (x) 

93. Jake's "cool-cool-cool-cool-cool-cool" is an irl Andy-ism that the writers worked into b99 scripts. What's even better is that Joanna does it, too (x)

94. He has a really good arm and is low key competitive, which is super hot https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e32K_nBDy3Q

95. He's one half of the cutest Red Carpet pose of all time (x)

96. He barely ever seems to get mad but if angry Jake is anything to go by, maybe he should... (x)

97. He's a huge nerd, who geeks out over GOT, LOTR, 'Star Wars', 'Alien(s)' and anything relating to time travel (x), (x)

98. He has a gorgeous speaking voice, especially when he’s tired or a little sick. (Bonus points for any time he uses the word ‘correct’. See point 30) (x) 

99. He’s still so committed to his b99 fans and fam, even after all this time and is as excited as the rest of us that...

[babbushka]

Good morning!

From the ADCU asks, I’d love to hear 22, 27 for Flip and the runner up look lol, 28, 36, and 49.

Shannon my queen love you :) 

22. Do you have a celebrity look-a-like?

I don’t know! I think that’s something other folks would better know than me. A lot of people say that they think I look like Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks at certain angles, but that might just be because we’re both blonde lol. 

27. What is your favourite Adam  Flip look?

Look at this absolute whore with his leg up like that, i hate him i have to go [redacted] his [redacted] immediately ugh 

Runner up fav look:

This whoooole vibe lmao why is he just the most cranky dude in the world smh he needs some milk 

28. What’s your favourite SNL sketch?

Fuck this one is hard because there’s so many good ones of his but I think honestly Career Day is the one I watch more often. I can pretty much quote his entire monologue about what an oil baron does from memory. 

I’m also incredibly partial to the Medieval Times one, because I constantly quote “He charges you $110 for chicken and potato and does not give you the dignity of a fork??”

36. Can you watch Adam sing in movies with a straight face?

NO BECAUSE HE CAN’T SING. I will maintain this until the day I die. I unfortunately was a theater kid for many a year. I took singing lessons, I visited a vocal coach, I know what technically good singing is and the man can’t do it. I love him so much, he tries very hard, but he cannot hold a tune. He does his best though I just think he should...stick to acting. 

Annette is going to be such a shitshow I cannot wait lmao! 

49. What’s a line you LOVE to read/write in fics?

This is true of any and all fandom, whether I write it or read it, or even just when it exists in media outside of fan made content: 

That moment where the character goes “Oh.” And then realizes that they’re actually in love, and it shifts to, “Oh.” 

The realization, the culmination of all the pining, the slow burn finally coming to a head, the yearning!!! It appeals to my more romantic side every goddamn time lol!

[andyridgeley]

Questions about films from the Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein podcast...Jason Sudeikis edition...cause I was bored

First movie you remember seeing? it was probably horrible bosses, i remember growing up with him on SNL but i think the first movie i’d have seen him in was horrible bosses and i definitely went to see it in theaters *chef’s kiss*

Scariest film? this ones funny cause he’s not done any “horror movies” right so i’ll go with...movie 43 cause that’s just one of the worst films ever made right like..cmon now what were they thinkin. completely disconnected terrible skits whew, only funny thing is his bad party store batman costume.

Funniest film? it’s probably we’re the millers, there’s just, something so fucking hilarious about that film to me, watched it when it came out and i watch it everytime i see it playing on tv and it still holds up for me. i think the premise is funny at the start and just all the actors are *chef’s kiss* anytime you add kathryn hahn to the mix ya got me am i right.

Movie that made you cry the most? it was probably kodachrome something about a parent and child having been fighting for most of their lives and rarely talk and then they try to slowly reconnect when the parent is about to pass away...that gets to me. and i think this movie does that trope pretty well.

Film you loved as a kid and think is shit now? drinking buddies, ok i don’t think it’s shit now at all, but i watched it when it came out and absolutely loved it. like it was one of my absolute favorite movies. and on my rewatch it just didn’t hit the same? i’m not sure why? it was still good, again it’s not shit, but i just didn’t connect with it the way i connected with it when i first watched it.

Film people hate but you love? a good old fashioned orgy, it wasn’t THE BEST but fuck it, it was so much better than i’d thought it would be.

Film people love but you hate? race, listen i liked it!!! i liked this one!!! and i thought it was perfectly fine!!! but it just...could’ve been...so much better. it just jumped all over the place for me and sudeikis was GreatTM in it but it just missed the mark, had a great look but substance was Lacking, but it’s like...a really well-rated film? wild?

Worst film? it’s hall pass i wanna burn it, burn it with fire. it’s such a shit film i hated rewatching it, hated the first time i saw it, hate when it randomly enters my mind. it’s so BAD and the funny bit is is that he’s in another film called permission that is essentially a very similar premise but SO MUCH BETTER

Film that means something special to you? (like you watched with a girlfriend or first film you watched in cinemas or something  sentimental) unfortunately i don’t really have a good answer for this one, and that stinks, because i usually do have strong connections with films but i just haven’t had a connection like this with any of his particular films. i might go with the campaign because i remember seeing this in theaters with my dad and we both enjoyed it. also, just, i’ll mention ted lasso here because that’s his work that means the most to me.

Film you relate to the most? even though he’s not in it much, it’s booksmart!! i definitely relate to the two main characters who are trying their best to get into good schools and get good grades and sure they’re quite close themselves but they’ve ignored the rest of their classmates, wish i would’ve gone to a blow out party before i went to college.

Sexiest film? sleeping with other people, definitely. and not just because the sex scenes are...surprisingly actually sexy it’s cause of everything in that movie. you’ve got a happily married couple that’s been together for over a decade, sexy. you’ve got characters working on themselves and you see them grow naturally throughout the movie, Sexy. you’ve got a lot of great romantic and platonic friendship moments in the movie like Ultimate Sexy.

Best film (not your personal favorite, aliens come to earth and you have to explain movies to them, what film are you showing them)? colossal for sure. i’m showing aliens this one and being like this is how you slowly reveal characters and how you work on a budget and come up with something completely unique and creative and engaging for your audiences to enjoy.

Favorite film? honestly it’s gotta be we’re the millers, and i think i’d put it here just based on the fact that this is the one movie of his i could watch and rewatch...and have... and never get tired of it.

What one film would you take to heaven with you (doesn't have to be any from the list)? i’m between 3 for this question...but...i think i’d have to go with sleeping with other people. it’s my favorite rom com and i think it’d be the most enjoyable to watch again and again...but i don’t know...maybe i should bring we’re the millers...i’ll have to think about this for the next 17 hours and get back to you.

[surveyhoursss]

98.

Prep

I shop at Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle, or Aerospatiale.

I am/was a cheerleader.

I'm pretty ditzy.

I wear pink 24/7.

My looks are very important to me.

I can't live without my cell phone.

My hair is always straight.

I say 'like' and 'omigod' a lot.

I laugh 24/7.

I have a million friends.

I always hang at the mall or movies.

I'll only date popular guys.

I listen to rap & pop music.

I have at least one designer bag.

My myspace pics are of me making a kissy face or are mirror pics

It takes me at least an hour to get ready for school in the mornings.

Uggs + Miniskirts = Love

I don't have a job

I wear lots of makeup. (wouldn’t call it lots, though)

I can be stuck up or snobby sometimes.

I flirt with any guy, as long as he's cute.

Total = 5

EMO

I cry a lot.

I go to local shows.

I wear black everyday (typically I always have something black on)

I write sad poetry.

I play an acoustic guitar.

My favorite bands include: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, or Panic! at the Disco.

I think about suicide or death often.

People have told me to cheer up.

I cry when I see dead animals.

My myspace/Facebook pics are black or white or angled.

I wear many band shirts.

No one understands me.

I don't talk too often.

I look down when I walk.

I wear black eyeliner.

I have an ex I still cry over.

My hair is black

My hair covers one of my eyes.

I always say 'life sucks'.

Total: 4

NERD

I have straight A's.

I wear glasses.

I always do my homework and study.

Lord of the Rings was a massive achievement.

Computer games.

I'm 'teachers pet'.

I've never had a real boyfriend/girlfriend.

I have a bedtime.

I use an asthma inhaler.

I carry a calculator with me.

I bring my lunch to school.

I always follow the rules.

I'm shy around the opposite sex.

I'm always on the computer.

I've never had beer or cigarettes.

I always answer every question in class right.

I correct people's grammar.

I read a lot.

School is very important to me.

I always stump people.

Total: 8

REBEL

I always speak my mind.

I have 0% of school spirit.

F*ck you, I won't do what you tell me!

I stand up for what I think is right.

On spirit days at school, I wear the rival's colors.

Whenever people are doing something, I do the complete opposite.

I won't listen to authority figures.

I always break the rules.

I refuse to compromise.

I'm always arguing with people.

I love debate.

I always do what's unexpected of me.

I don't give a sh*t what people think of me.

If I watch a cruddy movie in theaters, right after it's over, I'll say 'that sucked'.

I'm not afraid to contradict others.

I only respect my own beliefs.

If I don't want to do something, I won't do it, no matter what.

I laugh at compromising people.

I cheer on the rival's sport team to stand out.

Rules were meant to be broken.

Total: 1

JOCK

I'm on one or more sport teams.

I always wear my varsity jacket.

I've won awards for my athletic ability.

I will only date popular girls/guys.

School Spirit

I'm going to a college for sports

I watch sports on TV all the time

I'm muscular.

I play sports or exercise at least 3 hours a day.

Go Team!

I'm a chick/dude magnet.

I eat a lot.

I'm egotistical.

I'm too focused on sports to make really good grades.

I sit at the jock lunch table.

All I talk about with my friends is sports.

I go to lots of sports games.

I'm very athletic

I wear sport inspired clothing.

play at least 3 different sports.

Total: 4

COMEDIAN

I'm funny.

I'm always making jokes.

I interrupt class by making people laugh.

I like to entertain people.

I worship Kevin Smith.

I watch comedies more than anything.

I also watch SNL and Mad TV a lot

I'm sarcastic.

I've been told I'm hilarious.

I always imitate people.

I pull lots of pranks.

I always make sarcastic remarks after everything.

I have to prove myself by being funny.

People expect me to make jokes, always.

I have a lot of pressure to make everyone laugh.

If I don't make jokes, people ask me what's wrong.

Jim Carrey is my idol.

I mostly get along with everybody.

At pep rallies, I'm the one acting crazy and silly.

My teachers or parents tell me I need to focus more on work and less on joking around.

Total: 3

SHY

I don't have a lot of friends.

I don't talk too much.

It's not that I'm snobby, I just get nervous when talking to people.

When people say my name, others say 'who?'

I'm pretty sure mostly no one knows who I am.

People have told me I need to talk more.

I only talk when other people talk to me first

I look down when I walk.

I avoid social gatherings, such as games, dances, or parties.

People have tried to help me be more outgoing, but it never works.

I always plan to talk to more people, but I never do.

I sit in the back of the classroom.

I never participate in class discussions.

I hide behind people to avoid being seen sometimes.

I could never be a cashier, talking to strangers.

I talk quietly.

People have called me shy or quiet.

I usually let others decide for me.

If someone is talking about my favorite book or movie in front of me, I don't join in the conversation.

Total: 12

GOTHIC

I wear black.

I don't like to be seen.

I'm very, very pale.

I only listen to metal or emo-ish music. (neither of these is goth, mallgoths XD)

I love creepy, weird movies.

I love gothic cartoons and drawings.

I don't like people.

I only go out during the night.

I have black fingernails.

I wear a long black coat.

I also wear big black boots.

'The Crow' is one of my favorite movies.

I only date other Goths.

I love black humor.

I love pain.

People think I'm crazy.

I don't talk to anyone who isn't as deep as me.

I love to scare people

I laugh at teenyboppers.

People are scared of me.

Total: 3

WEIRDO

I talk to myself.

I say really random things all the time/have to say it out loud.

I fidget a lot.

I still use a wheeled backpack.

People laugh at me.

I walk really funny.

I have a very different sense of style.

I talk in a robot voice often.

I'll stop whatever I'm doing, and break out in a crazy dance if the mood strikes.

I debate stuff with myself.

I hear voices.

I'm obsessed with aliens and the other planets.

I have a fascination with robots and machinery.

I use really big words no one understands, and they give me weird looks.

I say random lines of babbling that make sense to no one but me.

I dart my eyes from side to side.

I always pretend I'm a robot or other weird non-human thing.

People have no idea why I think the way I do.

I have some very unusual, extraordinary talents.

When people ask me if I like something that's trendy, I pretend to be scared or confused.

Total: 3

ANTISOCIAL

I hate/dislike most people.

I prefer to be alone.

When people talk to me, I just give them a death glare.

Actually, most people don't talk to me.

People are freaking idiots and I wish they'd all die.

I live in my room, writing in my diary. On the computer...

I go out my way to avoid everyone.

I never greet anyone.

I despise people who talk too loudly.

I want people to think I'm a freak.

I never talk.

I can't wait to get off this earth.

I always sit by myself at lunch or anywhere else.

I listen to music on full blast on my ipod/mp4 player/headphones to block out the world.

I don't know why I am the way I am.

People have said I'm antisocial.

I use drugs or alcohol to escape the loneliness.

Why bother when people don't like you anyways?

I occupy myself so it won't look like I'm a loner.

I just don't get along with anyone.

Total: 1

SKATER

I skateboard to everywhere.

If I'm not skateboarding, I carry it with me.

I shop at Pacsun.

I'm obsessed with Tony Hawk.

Oh yeah, and Bam Margera.

I always play skateboarding video games.

I have shaggy hair.

I wear baggy pants.

I wear only skater shoes.

I always wear hoodies. (well, much of the time)

I hang at skate parks 24/7.

I'm always learning new board tricks.

Forget school, I want to be a professional skateboarder.

I've been skateboarding for over 4 years.

I hang with other skaters.

I've been hurt while skateboarding.

I've been in a skateboarding competition.

I wear vans.

Tony Hawks games win.

I've met some of my closest friends at skate parks.

Total: 0

GANGSTER/HOOD

I say 'yo'.

I also say 'fo shizzle'.

I wear extremely baggy pants.

Mah chainz hang low.

I hang with my homies, biotches, and Hoe's

I'm a thug.

I only listen to rap music.

50 Cent is my idol.

I don't give a frick about school.

I steal/have stolen before (as a child lol)

I freestyle.

I breakdance.

Gold chainz is tha way to go, biotch.

I'm white but I act black.

All my heroes are dead rappers.

Tupac is still alive.

I party with all my nigs.

I wear a sideways baseball cap.

I wear hoodies.

I wear converse with the tongue flipped out.

Total: 2

BULLY

I always steal people's lunch money.

Geeks are afraid of me.

I get in trouble all the time.

I steal people's stuff to be an a**hole.

People have called me a bully.

I have beat someone up before.

I'm always looking for a fight.

I pick on people smaller than me.

I push people out of the way when I'm walking.

I've never been in a relationship before.

People are afraid of me.

People know not to mess with me.

I'm taller than most people my age.

I pick on people for the fun of it.

I make fun of everything anyone else likes.

If anyone crosses my path, they're dead.

People know not to try and stick up for themselves when I'm around.

I'm one of the strongest kids in school.

Even some authority figures are afraid of me.

People get out of my way when I'm walking.

Total: 0

GAMER

I own at least 2 different video game consoles.

I love Final Fantasy.

DDR & Guitar Hero

I've missed school before because I was trying to beat a video game.

I'm always trying to beat high scores on games.

I even play a lot of computer games.

I play at least 3 hours of video games a day.

My thumbs are sore often.

I spend all my money on new video games.

My boyfriend/girlfriend has to be into video games.

All I talk about is video games.

I've been in a video game competition before

I pay over 30$ a month in online games.

I have bought more than 5 accessories for my console

I know about more than 10 cheats and mods in the game I play most.

I have played at least a complete week in the game I like most.

I wouldn't know what to do in an afternoon without electricity.

My parents often tell the internet is broken or simply disconnect it so I don't spend whole weekends and holidays playing.

I have more than one online account on the same game.

Total: 2

GIRLY

I have long hair.

I wear make up every day.

I carry a purse.

I have to get someone else to come kill a spider.

I paint my nails.

I use perfume.

I keep my nails clean/shaped

I shower regularly

I used to or still do Dance, Gymnastics, or Cheer/Pom

I like to accessorize

I like flowers.

I don't like to be outdoors.

I'm more like my mother than my father.

I like hanging out with girls than boys.

I like going to the mall/shopping.

I watch my weight/ count calories.

I plan outfits ahead of time

People say I have a soft/sweet voice.

I dream about and am already planning my wedding day

I watch dramatic shows on tv, soap operas, reality TV, etc.

Total: 9

BOYISH

I have short hair.

I hate doing laundry.

I like war type video games.

I like playing or watching sports.

People say I have a deep voice.

I'm more like my dad than my mom.

I beat up or tease my younger siblings or friends.

I act tough, it doesn't matter what's going on inside me.

There's only two emotions.

I shower only when I start to notice I stink

I think about the opposite sex a lot.

My room isn't neat.

I bite my nails instead of using scissors/clippers.

My clothes don't match sometimes, but I don't notice or care

I like to play rough with dogs.

I like the movies 300, Transformers, The Dark Knight.

The best way to get the opposite sex to like you is to act like a jerk.

I don't read

I don't ask for help even if I need it.

Total: 3

scored highest on: Shy lmao

[rins-reviewz]

Palmer (2021) R 3.9/5 $$$

Decided to jump back into some reviews this year, starting off with a Justin Timberlake movie. Some of you are probably like seriously Ryan? Justin Timberlake?  Yes you are correct, this man is a phenomenal actor. From SNL, to the hit movie In Time (Movie where time is on your wrist or something pretty cool concept) I cannot even lie I had some nsync cassette tapes. (I was a kid so do not act like I went out and purchased them), but easy listening while my mom drove around.  Let’s get to this movie though in the paragraph below. 

The movie starts off pretty solid, I will say i had to quickly adjust as I jumped into this with no knowledge of this movie thinking it was going to be some slick action flick. It was more so a drama, and it was pretty good once I figured out JT was not going to be shooting his way through this movie. I was certain it was going to be some sort of action flick as it starts with JT’s character named “Palmer” is just getting out of prison for some unknown reason, and was immediately looking for a job. Unable to find a job Parker heads to the bar, and hooks up in a crazy sex scene with this random blonde chick without saying much at all.  Pretty crazy because I have been told I look like JT and pretty sure that is not how it works at all, but whatever it is a movie.  Palmer then wakes up to his grandmother looking at him as he strolls through the yard from the neighbors house (girl from the bar).  There is a short looking kid with grandma, and she is real persistent on getting to church on time.  We find out Palmers first name is Eddie, but prefers Palmer, and the Kid’s name is Sam.   Sam right away mentions that Palmer had a sleepover with his mom and they didn't wear pajamas. This is all kinda setting up the movie and that is why I am going into detail.  Palmer his grandmother and Sam are all at church and Sam gets slapped on head foreshadowing that he's frequently bullied.  This is confirmed as Palmer talks with two Cops outside of the Church, and Sam is playing with some girls in the field, The cops are familiar with Palmer telling him to stay out of trouble, also seems like a real close knit town, Hate the phrase but it is what it is. The Cops are related (father and son) and Palmer is under close watch from my understanding. He heads off into town for groceries for grandma, and is turned down on a job again, also sees the neighbor girl he was with, and another man leaving her house. Sam is in front yard looking upset.  At this point I am starting to notice the movie is not Action based and Sam and Palmer are going to have a connection. 

I was honestly looking for action, but I stayed for the movie regardless. For some reason I got hooked on to the connection of Palmer and Sam, and I was somewhat curious to find out what he was in jail for so long for. (I picked up that he was in jail for 12 years from the little caption, so for those reading I guess I lied about going in blind, I saw he was in jail for 12 years and I was sold)

When Palmer returns from the grocery store, Sam is in the kitchen with grandma, and she explains Sam stays there sometimes when the mom goes away (Drug benders, not really sure what else she is doing but she disappears for some time.)  Sam is playing with barbies, and has a lot of feminine traits, Palmer is very disgusted by this during the first half of this 2 hour movie.  Even though it is two hours, I do not mind the length as it had a pretty captivating storyline.  Palmer gets a job at Sam’s school as the janitor, and has a little bit of affection for the teacher. It was pretty hard for him to get this job as it took convincing and helped that he was at church with the Principal of the school. He also was a QB quarterback at LSU for a few years and was apparently really good, they don't mention more, until later. Palmer hits the bar with his old friends (who also greeted him as he was coming out of prison).  His old friends are still a$$holes and they are really annoying in the bar confronting Palmers Janitor boss. Palmer tells his friends to calm down then goes home.  Grandma Dies, and it kinda becomes a Palmer and Sam movie now. 

Palmer becomes extremely understanding of Sam and his behavior and how he has a love for a lot of things that girls like.  Sam is a very strong kid, and throughout the movie he is bullied, and remains strong through the whole endeavors.  Palmer and the Teacher get into a little bit of a relationship. This movie really has it all, I do not wan to get into too too much, but a certain bully scene provokes Palmer and he ends up handling some business. (Little bit of action here)  Everyone constantly questioning if Palmer has changed, he certainly has, and learns a lot through his experience with Sam.  He wanted to give Sam up when grandma died, but changed his mind after a cigarette.  This movie has some predictable plot lines, but the story is very wholesome.  

(SUMMARY)

Overall, This movie was a pretty good watch.  Justin Timberlake is really a good actor better then some will give credit.  I put him in my top 20 for sure as an actor. Hopefully we see more JT movies down the road.  Very nice drama movie, and it seems like it was kinda perfectly timed with how genders are viewed and really might help people who struggle with seeing this.  Personally I feel anyone can do whatever they would like and nobody should be able to tell anyone for any reason what they can and cannot like.  Everyone is free to do as they chose and live how they live.  Stopping someone from happiness is wrong and should be condemned. I would recommend this movie if your flipping through the channels I do know if I would have saw it in theaters.  Give it a shot its not horrible. 

[nancywheelxr]

What do you think a rom com with Ritchie and Eddie would look like?

Oh my goodness, okay, I actually have two ideas?

The first is a teen rom-com set in modern times because I don’t wanna deal with period-typical homophobia of the 80s and the Losers are all friends like in canon and Ben and Bev are probably a subplot happening in the background. It’s a typical very cliché friends-to-lovers plot, where Richie and Eddie have been friends since forever, but it’s Senior Year and while Richie isn’t out yet, it feels like he’s missing his last chance to say anything to Eddie.

Bev is the only one who knows because she guessed it in Junior Year, and she keeps telling him to just go for it, and ask Eddie to prom. The movie would be mostly following the Losers as they all pile up in Eddie’s mom’s minivan to check out some nearby colleges and Richie and Eddie just,,,, pining. So much mutual pining during the whole trip. Someone, maybe Mike, insists on either photographing everything or recording everything for posteriority. 

There are lots of misadventures in the minivan, they probably run out of gas at some point, or can’t find a cheap hotel to stay the night, get kicked out of diners and one time probably a club. 

When prom comes around, Richie hasn’t worked up the nerve to ask Eddie out yet, but Bev gives him the standard bff pep talk and points out it’s Senior goddamn Year, it’s the perfect time of taking chances, and she shows him Mike’s recordings of the trip and it’s just,,,, it’s so clear Eddie is as much in love with Richie. So cue in Richie running to find Eddie because his a dramatic bitch and they bicker about something stupid before Richie finally blurts out a confession.

Again, cue in the cheesy kissing scene in the middle of prom.

*

In the second one, they would be adults. Eddie is recently divorced and in LA for some job conference or training or something like that and Richie is a stand-up comedian doing pretty well, actually, but while they used to be friends as kids, they haven’t talked in years.

They run into each other in a coffee shop, totally by accident, and Richie invites Eddie to his show that night. At first, Eddie has no intention on actually going, too awkward to revisit his past like that and he doesn’t even know Richie anymore, for gods sake, it’s been almost ten years, and there’s no point, since he’s going back to New York in a week. Then, it cuts back to Eddie in his hotel room, alone, looking at the ticket, at Richie’s name, and we have a flashback to them as kids, goofing around with the rest of the Losers, maybe ending with the hammock scene but through Eddie’s eyes, and the light just frames Richie ina dream-like vibe, letting us know Eddie had been very much crushing on his best friend at the time.

So, obviously, Eddie does the first impulsive thing in years and goes to the show. Richie sees him in the audience and actually gives him a shout out not to leave before they could talk, and Eddie blushes and scowls at the attention, but stays until Richie is done. And it’s actually funnier than Eddie thought it would be? He tells Richie as much and they bicker and just like that they’re back-- it’s like no time has passed. They both changed so much since high school, but it feels like they, Eddie-and-Richie, haven’t changed.

They go out that night and the idea is to go to a bar and get absolutely wasted but Richie is hungry and Eddie is not touching some street food with a ten-foot-pole so they end up in an empty McDonalds after midnight at the other side of town because Richie is banned from both Wendy’s and the McDonalds near the  theater and Eddie got them kicked out of the Burger King nearby. 

And they just. Talk. They catch up and laugh and talk about nothing at all before Richie offers to take Eddie back to his hotel since it’s like four in the morning and Eddie has a work thing in the morning.

The movie goes on to show them relearning everything about each other, but Eddie hasn’t mentioned yet he’s going back to New York soon, and he actually doesn’t want to go back, wants to stay here in stupid insanitary LA with stupid Richie Tozier like he’s thirteen and stupidly in love again.

Richie invites him to a party, maybe at some famous comedian so we would get a cameo like Keanu Reeves in Always Be My Maybe, and Eddie goes, and Richie is super nervous because hello??? This could actually be his big break??? it’s his opportunity to make connections and shit????? Cue in Eddie fixing his tie for him because he keeps messing it up and Richie is freaking out, so Eddie like, has this big speech about how much Richie can do this, he’s talented, he’s funny, and even though he’s annoying as fuck and drives Eddie crazy, he’s got this.

So, of course, Richie kisses him mid-sentence.

But, of course, Eddie has to go back to New York, so once he sees Richie’s doing his thing and schmoozing and just fine, he leaves the party early, goes to pack his stuff. His flight is like, the next morning or something for added angst. He leaves Richie a voicemail saying goodbye from the airport and we have yet another flashback scene but it’s of the night before Eddie is leaving for college and Richie’s pissed they’re gonna be states away, but he throws rocks at Eddie’s window until Eddie lets him in and they don’t talk about it, Eddie just makes space for him on the bed. Richie’s gone in the morning.

Fast forward three months later and Eddie hasn’t heard back from Richie, so he tries to move on, again, goddamn it, he can’t believe this is the second time he’s trying to get over Richie.

Eddie is waiting for his coffee, and there is a line, so he’s checking his watch and watching traffic out the window, when someone taps him on the shoulder. He whirls around ready to glare them to hell but it’s not just anyone. It’s Richie.

Richie is there, in New York, grinning at Eddie and Eddie is like what the fuck what when uh what when

Turns out, the party went more than fine, Richie scored an audition on SNL, and while he was absolutely pissed at Eddie for leaving like that, he’s also too in love to hold a grudge. He hadn’t wanted to say anything in case the whole SNL thing fell through, but it’s official now, Richie’s got a place here already, he’s staying in New York.

And, you know, they live happily ever after.

*

Anyway, anon, I’m sorry for going overboard but I love romcoms and I also love talking movies hypothetical movie scripts, and you don’t understand, five more minutes and I’m gonna have the soundtrack for the second one.

[thezachrogers]

The Best and Worst Films of 2019.

We are THREE days away from the Academy Awards and I know this is way overdue, but I made the deadline and have brought the films to watch and avoid that came out last year. We will be counting down from the films that were best all the way down to the worst.

2019 was the best year for film in a long time and I will go down saying I LOVED my top 26, I liked 27-65 and I only disliked/hated four films I saw last year. Overall an excellent year of endings to series, a great year for original films, and we are in for one of the most competitive Academy Awards yet. So here it is, counting down from best to worst, the 69 films I saw in 2019:

Avengers: Endgame - NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+ nominated for 1 Oscar, one of the best films I have ever seen in my life and my current all time favorite comic book film. 

Ford v Ferrari - nominated for 4 Oscars including Best Picture. Wow, wow, wow; what a movie, see this movie ASAP. Hands down the BEST performance of Matt Damon’s career, a definite snub for Best Actor, directed by 2017′s Logan’s James Mangold.

Jojo Rabbit - nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Supporting Actress, this film gives you all the feels. Border lining on the edge of offensive, this story is about a little boy growing up in the Nazi Regime learning that everything he loves about Nazi Germany and what he believes about Jews just doesn’t add up. 

Marriage Story NETFLIX ORIGINAL - nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Supporting Actress, this cast brings it in this tragic story of marriage and divorce. I’m rooting for my boy Kylo Ren Sunday Night even though I know Joaquin Phoenix is going to win as the Clown Prince of Crime.

Bombshell - nominated for 3 Oscars including Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress (GO MARGOT ROBBIE), this is based on the true story of Roger Ailes’s firing at Fox News due to Gretchen Carlson’s accusations. Robbie gives the performance of her career and Charlize Theron plays a very convincing Megyn Kelly starting the “Me Too” movement.

The Two Popes - NETFLIX ORIGINAL nominated for 3 Oscars including Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor. This true story and Netflix original is about Anthony Hopkins portrays Pope Benedict leaving the position and asks the now Pope Francis (Jonathan Pryce) to fill his shoes.

Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood - Nominated for 10 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor (guaranteed win), and Best Original Screenplay, Quentin Tarantino’s masterpiece is LOOSELY based on 60s Hollywood during the time of the Manson Family murders.

The Irishman - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Nominated for 10 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, and Two Best Supporting Actor Nominees, Scorsese brought it in this four hour Netflix Orginal.

1917 - Nominated for 10 Oscars including guaranteed Best Picture and guaranteed Best Director, 1917 takes place in real time and is shown in two takes. Brilliant cinematography and direction, this is one to see in theaters.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - Oscar Nominated for Best Supporting Actor, this movie brought me to tears. I grew up with Mr. Rogers and Tom Hanks absolutely kills it in this role.

The King NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Parasite - Nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture and Best Director. This Korean Film has the craziest plot I have ever seen in a movie. See it. You will be blown away.

Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker - Nominated for 3 Oscars including Best Score this was quite the underwhelming finale compared to Endgame, I mean a 42 year buildup and it just did not hit home like it should have. Now they ended the big three’s (Luke, Han, and Leia) arcs very well and FREAKING KYLO REN has become my all-time favorite character. We all need to thank Adam Driver for carrying this trilogy on his back as Rey, Finn, and Poe’s arcs where just meh. I do believe JJ did everything he could do with what he was given with The Last Jedi. All the fan service was amazing and very appreciated like bringing back Wedge, Lando, Han, Young Luke, Young Leia, Red 5, and Palpatine back for last ride. I will be in line at Target at 7am to pick up their exclusive packaged Ultra 4K Bluray and yes, I’ve already started the paperwork on financing the Best Buy exclusive complete Skywalker saga (I’m not joking).

El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Honey Boy PRIME ORIGINAL - 2019 was the comeback of Shia LaBeouf’s career. This movie was written by him and loosely based on his life. LaBeouf plays his father and brings the best performance of his career.

The Report PRIME ORIGINAL 

Spider-Man: Far From Home

They Shall Not Grow Old NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO

Uncut Gems - Snubbed by the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards, the Safdie brothers deliver a masterpiece and the performance of Adam Sandler’s career.

Togo - DISNEY+ ORIGINAL

Frozen II - Nominated for Best Original Song, if it doesn’t win, lets riot.

Knives Out - Nominated for Best Original Screenplay, this Rian Johnson directed film was snubbed from every other category due to everyone remaining pissed off about The Last Jedi.

Toy Story 4 - NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+ Nominated for Best Animated Film and Best Original Song, another underwhelming finale (that no one asked for, because we already got it with Toy Story 3), I still loved this movie and it is well deserved for best animated film but not more deserving than the snubbed Frozen sequel.

Little Women - Nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Actress, and Best Supporting Actress, Florence Pugh and the rest of the cast delivered in this reboot and this was a film I thoroughly enjoyed at home.

Richard Jewell - Nominated for Best Supporting Actress

The Peanut Butter Falcon

The Farewell

Harriet - Nominated for 2 Oscars including Best Actress

Klaus - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Nominated for Best Animated Film

Dolemite Is My Name - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Eddie Murphy’s triumphant comeback delivers. Definite snub, this is not the last we will see of Eddie in the coming months with Coming 2 America and Eddie’s much anticipated standup special

Missing Link - NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU Nominated for Best Animated Film

Joker - Leading the Oscars with 11 Nominations including Best Picture, Best Actor (guaranteed win), Best Director, Best Cinematography (Guaranteed win), Best Score (guaranteed win); Joaquin Phoenix delivers a career-defining performance (that still does not touch Heath Ledger’s) in a quite underwhelming plot with beautiful cinematography and a masterful score, this movie is turning the tides for the comic-book film genre.

Late Night PRIME ORIGINAL

John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO

Shazam! NOW AVAILABLE ON DC UNIVERSE

Fighting With My Family NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Long Shot NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Doctor Sleep

Hustlers

Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened NETFLIX ORIGINAL

The Highwaymen NETFLIX ORIGINAL

The Laundromat NETFLIX ORIGINAL

The Aeronauts PRIME ORIGINAL 

Always Be My Maybe NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil - Nominated for Best Hair and Makeup

Chasing Happiness PRIME ORIGINAL

Good Boys

Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw

Aladdin NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+

Captain Marvel NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+

The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO AND HULU

Isn’t It Romantic NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Detective Pikachu NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO AND HULU

Lady and the Tramp DISNEY+ ORIGINAL

MIB: International NOW AVAILABE ON HULU

6 Underground NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Noelle DISNEY+ ORIGINAL

Ad Astra - Nominated for Best Sound

The Lion King - NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+ Nominated for Best Special Effects

It Chapter Two

Ready or Not

The Lighthouse - Nominated for Best Cinematography

Dumbo NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+

Little NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Happy Death Day 2U NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Triple Frontier NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Another gem from Netflix, Zac Efron gives the acting performance of his career as Ted Bundy.

Glass NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU - The final film in the Unbreakable trilogy that no one asked for...yet we didn’t know we wanted. This film was highly anticipated for a sad (yes, tears) ending to same great characters. Glass does not hold a candle to Unbreakable, nor Glass, but it is still loads of fun.

Dark Phoenix - They say they save the best for last...well it X-Men’s case, they don’t. This film was a polished turd with great acting from McAvoy and Sophie Turner. 

Murder Mystery - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Oh look, another movie where Adam Sandler went on vacation with his buddies and said “lets get Netflix to pay for a Eurotrip by making a movie,” and then you get Netflix’s Murder Mystery. Looks like they will be paying for another vacation with 2021′s Murder Mystery 2. No, I am not kidding.

Wine Country NETFLIX ORIGINAL- This film had literally all the SNL power women except for Kristen Wiig...I wonder why? JK, horrible...no wonder it went straight to Netflix

Us NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU - The worst and most overrated movie of the year. I was so excited, I went to the theater opening night. What a disappointing follow up to Get Out and a complete waste of time. Do not watch this movie.

[televinita]

Little Women (2019): Thoughts

REQUIRED READING: the prequel post about my background going in to this film.

SNAPSHOT VERSION: Though I have some casting qualms, and may adjust my opinions after I reread the book, mostly I think this is everything my heart has needed since the magic of the ‘94 movie was broken for me. My heart is very full.

FULL VERSION: Twice as long as the prequel post (a.k.a. 1800 words), starts below.

I did not expect LW to be the first Unexpected Comeback Fandom of 2020 (or a comeback fandom ever, really), but here I am, having spent every day since I saw this film mooning about this story and looking up different editions and supplemental books in the library catalog, so I'd better process how I feel about it while the memories are relatively fresh.

Most of my thoughts are on casting rather than specific scenes because like I said, I can’t remember the book super well, so I’d like to get my movie memories to fade so that the book can surprise me. Also because I think I will have a more in-depth post about them when I watch the film a 2nd time, whether that’s in theaters or on DVD. But here’s what I’ve got for now.

ON CASTING

In no particular order --

* Emma Watson is very pretty but it is so hard to take her seriously as an actress. She's just Emma Watson, Famous For Being In Harry Potter and Getting Hired For Other Big Name Projects. I feel like she's so consciously acting all the time. She made a not-terrible Meg, I guess? No worse than she made a Belle. But it was roughly as hilarious watching her try to be a mother now as it was watching her try to be a mother in the last Harry Potter movie. To the point that I just kept hearing the "Damn! I'm SO maternal!" song playing as her theme in the background at all times. * I realized 6 days prior to seeing the movie that Florence Pugh is recognizable because she's in Midsommar and honestly, that just ruined everything for me. I didn't even see that film, I just know it's gross and I would hate it and while she is not tainted forever like the 50 Shades actors, she is definitely too tainted for Little Women. Also I could not stop thinking about how I associate Amy with being very dainty and prim and Florence, while perfectly lovely, is not. * Laura Dern was kind of strangely modern and kooky for Marmee, but I love her as an actress and I loved that she was just like "HELLO STRANGE NEIGHBOR BOY, COME BE MY FIFTH CHILD." So I was OK with that. * ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH BOB ODENKIRK. What kind of anachronistic garbage. What crack were you on, because it was obviously not the good stuff. "Did I stumble into an SNL parody??" I wondered more than once. * Meryl Streep as Aunt March was AMAZING. Ten Oscars. * Beth consistently looked younger than Amy, so that was weird. She was okay but kind of childlike, and failed to make Beth my favorite like she is in the book. * JO! Saoirse Ronan is by far my favorite actress in this set, but I didn't think she was right for Jo going in. "Jo's not a redhead!" I said, indignantly stamping my foot, because my childhood-era love for this novel reigns defensively supreme like for no other classic besides Black Beauty. (another 1994 classic they should remake soon, even though I love that version. Just saying.)

But damned if she did not COMPLETELY embody every essence of Jo there is and make Jo my favorite character this time. Truly, nobody except Meryl Streep so thoroughly matched my expectations for their character. Ten Oscars, part II. Or at least the one she is actually nominated for. If Jo loses to ScarJo I will riot. * John was nice. I feel like he was exactly what he was supposed to be, which is to say kind of plain and milquetoast but perfect for Meg. I don't actually remember him existing in the novel, so that was an interesting game of "how important is this guy?" until suddenly Meg was getting married and I realized I did, in fact, have a very dim memory of a wedding from the book. I think I will like their romance more the second time around, though. * Mr. Laurence was VERY EXCELLENT. IDK why I know the actor, even after looking him up, but I liked him in this role a lot. His grandfatherly quasi-adoption of Beth was so sweet. * As for Professor Bhaer...UGH. I hated him on sight and my brain wouldn't even let me recognize who he was for like 3 scenes, I was just like, "who is this random boarding lodger and why are we focusing on that weirdo." I mean, he's objectively handsome? But he did not do it for me. He lacked the gravitas I expect from this character and his thick accent scraped my ears and drove me insane (update from the future: his accent is also driving me insane in the book, where I have peeked in at a few chapters as incentive to reread. whyyyyyyy). * LAURIE: maybe it's been too long since I read the book, but never could I ever have imagined I'd want to use the term "fuckboy" to describe Laurie. It wasn't even Ski Chalet's face so much as it was that in all present-day scenes (post-rejection), he is such an insufferable, melodramatic, pouting trash heap that I didn't want him to marry any of them at that point. (Also YOU STILL DIDN'T MAKE ME UNDERSTAND WHY HE GOES FOR AMY, so good job.**) However, I took especial delight in paying attention to all the cuddly platonic friend cuddling he heaped on Jo growing up, in focus or in the background, and I loved it...kind of a lot? The ship radar made noise. That noise is getting louder by the day, smoothing away his faults. He may have permanently taken up residence in my mind's eye as the new Laurie. ...this is the worst. Make it cease. (**update from the future, I am peeking at the book and it looks like it's a lot easier to understand both in text and when you're inside Laurie's head. He is still clearly sulking his way through Europe, but in a way it's easier to recover from. Also, I don’t have time to unpack this but as I finish the edits on this post I started 5 days ago, I’m starting to think I could not only ship Laurie/Amy, but believe in it from the start.) ACTUAL PLOT AND FILM QUALITY

+ The shifting between past and present was very jarring right off the bat, but after that I think it worked.

+ I loved the attic play rehearsals so much

+ I am so glad Jo’s shorn hair is both fleeting and as hideous as it should look, and not Pixie Cut Chic (Childhood Me wailed at that part reading the book)

+ I remember hardly anything about the book's Part II / Good Wives, so basically everything in their adult lives was news to me. Amy and Aunt March go to Europe? Jo goes to live by herself in New York? Meg marries a relative pauper? Any of this could be true to the book or just made up as an alternate idea to explore, and I would be none the wiser. That made it more fun. (NOBODY SPOIL ME ON WHAT'S TRUE)

+ It did not occur to me until just now that the part where Jo publishes her version of Little Women is not in the book (right?), but that was beautifully done.

+ The house interiors were breathtaking. It's not like I don't regularly watch period pieces, but this time there was just something about seeing an old house, like the ones I am often in for estate sales, decorated the way I always imagine seeing when I enter those homes, that kind of made me tear up. + The outside shots were pretty too + Jo made me cry with her I'm so LONELY! speech, rude. (I went into this movie thinking I was 100% on board to finally read Alcott’s sequels for their Jo/Professor content, and now I'm like 'ah damn it is gonna be the season for the Jo/Laurie AU novel, isn't it.')

+ A strike against Beth and/or the actress playing her: I did not cry about her death (in my defense I was busy crying about Jo's pain).

+ I did NOT remember precisely how Laurie & Amy got married, so even though I knew it happened eventually, I felt that sucker punch to the gut reveal just about as hard as Jo did. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR WIFE.

+ My mom said she’d heard this movie was lauded as being super feminist, which rarely goes well for me, but I thought it felt like really authentic "married women literally were not allowed to control their own income and it sucked" 19th century feminism, and not someone using their 21st century voice to claim this is how people would have REALLY talked if The Patriarchy Of Historical Record hadn't silenced/suppressed it. Nothing rankled me. I’m very confused by the people who think it says Jo is queer and/or didn’t end up with the Professor, but if that’s what you see then I guess it’s a win/win situation for all of us. + LOVED the closing montage. + Basically, at all times that I wasn't annoyed by the casting, I was feeling the same magic I did while reading the book and/or while watching the 1994 movie as a child. I can’t think of any parts I really hated.

IN CONCLUSION

Part of me is honestly kind of sad I didn't reread the book before watching this movie, because even though I usually prefer to go movie first and then get the Expanded Edition that is the book, in this case I wish I'd taken my last chance to properly visualize everything in my head on my own -- since I’ve mostly forgotten the ‘94 film -- before the new movie washed it away forever. This is one of the rare times I would have liked to hope and guess what would be shown vs. cut, and be able to anticipate the thrill of seeing the page come to life.

However, seeing it was the impetus I needed to finally take my childhood copy off the shelf (and thank heavens I have it, because the library request is backed up 3 or 4 deep for every copy), and it took all of 5 minutes to get instantly sucked into chapter 1 and feel such rapturous joy and familiarity that I consciously cut myself off and decided I am going to journal out my feelings after each chapter on this reread. So that’s something!

[mashitandsmashit]

America’s Got Talent: Season 14 - Auditions 5

9: Lamont Landers. Okay, I think I‘m reaching my breaking point with Simon’s little “Stop! Redo!” tendencies...again! I mean, last year I threatened to kill puppies, but I didn’t actually have the heart to do it...This time, I think I’m just gonna sort out a deal on Simon’s life with Death...It might cost me my immortal soul, but it will be worth it! But seriously, we didn’t need all this manufactured drama...The guy’s singing was good, unique even! But it just wasn’t worth the trouble of making him find a new song, having him come back later, and even stopping the SECOND song to let him start over! I mean, why bother? The guy seems like quite the arrogant jerk anyway...And if Simon’s offering you a second chance, why the hell would you not want to take it!? Ugh...My brain hurts thinking about this guy any longer...

8: Emanne Beasha. I think she was a very good opera singer for her age, but so were several other girls from previous seasons! And for god’s sake, there are tons of arias to choose from, why don’t some of these opera singers take advantage of that!? This is why they aren’t as popular on AGT anymore...

7: Sideshow Opera. ANOTHER pet peeve I’m developing is acts that say they’re going to do one thing, but then switch partway through to something completely different! “I play piano! BUT WAIT! I’m actually a dancer!” “I play the flute! BUT WAIT! I’m actually a stripper!” You can surprise us about the nature of the act all you want, but stop straight-up lying about it! That being said, this was pretty entertaining! Throwing knives with your feet is pretty new, and the man’s performance (not really the singing, but everything else) added a layer of humor to it...This is looking like potential cannon fodder to me, but for now, I was amused...

6: Trigger Happy. I went ahead and wrote about this on AGT’s TV Tropes page: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Series/AmericasGotTalent It’s under “Never Trust a Trailer”. All I have to say is...Well-played, AGT...Well-played...I guess now we have to wait two more weeks for the REAL Golden Buzzer...I’m gonna be disappointed, aren’t I...? Because I won’t lie, while this is clearly not an act to be taken seriously, I was about ready to accept him, because he entertained me! It reminds me a lot of that SNL sketch with Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze (may they both rest in peace) with this man in the role of the former...All it was missing was “Working for the Weekend”, but the nerdy contortionist that I seem to keep bringing up each week already used that...Also, what’s with all of these chubby dancers coming on the show with no shoes on, stripping down to skimpy bikinis and trying to give themselves the Golden Buzzer!? Is he and Yuriyan Retriever in cahoots!? Either way, he was funny and entertaining...Julie TOTALLY should have given him the GB! (That was...mostly a joke...)

5: IDEGO. So here’s another of those acts that’s more of a cool presentation than a legitimate performance art...Nonetheless, it does have more to offer than Oskar and Gaspar did, and can make for a fun show (especially if it means watching the judges make fools of themselves in a virtual world). But this would work better as a presentation at a science convention or a TED Talks, not really a talent competition...These conflicting feelings make it only fitting to put this entry smack dab in the middle of the list...

4: Lukas & Falco. It’s interesting how one dog with one trainer is suddenly more engaging to watch than a whole family training a bunch of dogs! Hell, once upon a time, pet acts were kinda dead on arrival...But regardless, this was engaging to watch, and had some pretty solid tricks! And I don’t know what’s cuter, the dog, or the guy’s German accent...Okay, the dog, but still...

3: Izzy and Easton. A lot of dance duos have come on the show...Many of them were children...Some were definitely better than others...But this might be the best performance from this type of act I’ve seen to date! And it’s interesting how they’re tackling such a mature subject at such a young age! It’s like they’re an adult duo trapped in kids’ bodies! (Or maybe their parents put them up to it...)

2: Verba. Interesting how the two acts that got previewed for this episode both involved a story of somebody going to war...I guess it’s because Fourth of July is coming up...We’ve seen a lot of acts of this kind by now, and they do tend to always have this kind of story...Though usually it’s the man who dies while at war, not the woman getting stuffed into the proverbial fridge (more TV Tropes lingo). I also liked the solid transitions and the fact that they seemed to switch between creating stuff behind the screen, and in front of it! That’s something new! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t getting tired of these kinds of acts, but if they can give us something new and unique (which they did), then I say no harm in milking it a little further...

1: Ndlovu Youth Choir. Now, I’m not gonna take away Terry’s Golden Buzzer pick from last week or anything; He clearly got an attachment with them...But if you think DETROIT has it bad...Anyway, yeah, I loved this...The song, the vocals, the dancing, all infectious! I don’t know what it is about big, epic African music, but it seems to make everything better, even a simple video game like “Civilization IV”. That being said, I’ll see a dozen of their shows before paying to see “The Lion King” remake in theaters this summer (though I’ll probably have to rent it sooner or later just to see how much they copied and pasted the original...To be fair, the original ripped off “Kimba the White Lion”.) I look forward to seeing them bless the rains down in Africa again!

Not a bad show...Probably a little better than Week 3...Still frustrating at parts...To be honest, Death was a pretty funny character, though mostly during the packages...I’ll be sure to make connections with him; We could get along on so many things, and put together one HELL of a show! (See what I did there?)

So yeah, I guess we have one more audition in two weeks (after watching a clip-show of previous ones next week). All I can say is, whoever Julie picks as her GB (assuming she picks anyone at all), it BETTER be worth the wait...and fake-outs!

[mobscene-london]

BASIC INFORMATION:

NAME: John ‘Jack’ Katz. AGE: 35. PLACE OF BIRTH: New York City, New York, United States. AFFILIATION: Neutral. OCCUPATION: A-list movie actor, and stand-up comedian.     FACE CLAIM: Robert Sheehan. AVAILABILITY: TAKEN.

            BIOGRAPHY:

Jack was born to a first-generation Irish immigrant and a Jewish man whose family had been established for a very, very long time out on Long Island. His parents met, fell in love, and started their family in the city that never sleeps, until it was their baby boy and not their late nights partying that was keeping them up all night. They adored city life too much to leave it, they just needed a city that went at a different pace, and found their home in Washington, D.C., where Jack took his first steps just a few blocks from the White House. His father started work as a corporate lawyer and his mother started working for a non-profit, first as a volunteer and then working her way up to an intern, paid secretary, and higher and higher over the years.

From a young age, Jack always had creative talents. He got distracted during T-ball and would start fantastical conversations with other students, and found infinite humor in how upset his coach got over it. He was signed up for art lessons, but rarely drew or painted the pictures he was asked to by the teacher. His artistic talent was obvious from a young age, but he grew tired of lessons before long and his parents settled for just giving him piles of coloring books, sketchbooks, and art kits. A couple years into elementary school, they started to grow concerned with the familiar teacher’s notes of “Jack is a wonderful student, but we wish he would speak up more.” A new job offer for Mr. Katz brought the family out to Chicago, and Jack’s parents decided it might be a chance for their quiet son to try out his artistic skills in a different arena.

Jack was signed up for the school play without being asked, but in hindsight, it’s the best thing that ever happened to him. Something about being on a stage was so different than being in a normal conversation, and it was as if he was a completely different person who was completely detached from the real world. Because he signed up late and was still only in second grade, he was just in ensemble. Five minutes into his first performance, his parents were nearly crying with joy as they watched their shy little boy strutting confidently around the stage and were so pleased to see him part of a small crowd of kids after and chattering away with them.

Joining drama didn’t miraculously change Jack’s entire disposition. Off-stage, he was still very shy, and as a result, many of his friends throughout the years were only met through school and community theater. He didn’t mind at all, finding comfort and support in a group of people who all seemed to understand the way it seemed like a little switch went on once someone was on stage. When he was fifteen and this time it was his mother who was offered a position back in New York City at her non-profit’s headquarters, Jack was heartbroken to leave his close-knit group of friends. Especially right before the school’s performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream where he was to play Puck.

It was a hard adjustment to move back to the city that his parents kept calling home but that he didn’t recognize at all. He spent many afternoons sneaking into the movies and watching the latest released comedies and dramas. With no play to focus on, he became a lot more interested in television and film acting, and informed his parents he wanted to start signing up for auditions. Nothing big, just as an extra for films in New York. Their one rule was that he couldn’t miss school for it, but by the time he reached seventeen, he barely attended any of his afternoon classes. Far more often than not he didn’t get the gig, but those few times in two years that he did were enough to boost his confidence that he started sending out more and more audition tapes and dedicating all his time to it.

For his eighteenth birthday, Jack’s dad took him to see a comedian they both liked. The comedian was dry, just like Jack and his mother, but it never occurred to him that his sarcastic observations of the world could be used to entertain until that night. It was like an epiphany, and he went home that night with his audition planner now filled with random words and phrases he wanted to piece together into a comedy set. He found an open mic comedy place that was supposedly good for beginners and went back three weeks in a row despite his hands shaking (unnatural for him on stage) and getting booed off every single time before he finished.

It took another few audience rejections for Jack to finally find his groove when he realized it didn’t have to be him up on stage, it could be a character. A sharp, dry, critical character with a penchant for using the microphone, stand, and stool as physical comedy props to add to his sets. His parents tried to ground him when they found out he’d been missing so much school and hadn’t sent out college applications in time, but he was so certain he was on the right path that he didn’t care. He stayed home and wrote and wrote, and took videos testing out material, or tested it out in front of his family. His parents always tried to act uninterested, but it could only last so long before they cracked.

Over the course of a year, Jack worked his way through the comedy clubs in the city. He stopped sending out audition tapes or attending casting calls and focused all his time on comedy. He got and lost three day jobs in the course of the year, but all that mattered was he had just enough in his bank account to get into the clubs and pay whatever fees might be necessary. Eventually, he was the one getting paid to perform, and introduced to people whose names he now worshipped despite not knowing three years before. One night, when he was drunk on too many beers other people bought him after his set and just about ready to stumble home, someone mentioned a name that was perhaps the most effective sobering agent he could’ve asked for. The executive producer of Saturday Night Live wanted to speak with him.

Jack sweated his way through the audition and thought he was finished, but it turned out to be just the beginning. He was thrown into the mix, gaining recognition and exposure he never imagined he’d have at such a young age. Three years went by in a hilarious, stressful, anxiety-ridden, often drunk haze, with non-stop work during the live season and dozens of small roles in comedic movies and stand-up gigs scheduled during the off-season. He made a new friend and connection in the business every week it seemed. He had major backlash over a joke from a set that went viral, but it was more loved than it was hated so his manager said it was a good thing. The fact he got a manager was perhaps the most shocking thing of all to him.

At the end of his third season with SNL, Jack was offered the opportunity for a major role in a former cast mate’s film that was getting huge buzz even before the casting was finalized. It wasn’t his manager’s prodding but his friends’ and family’s that made him choose the movie, which meant not returning to SNL for the next season. He made his final appearance, said his good-byes, and then jetted off with his younger brother and a couple friends to travel for a month before arriving in London for filming. While filming, Jack fell in love with the city. He finally understood how his parents could call New York City their home. Since he’d technically still been living with his parents, at twenty-two he bought his first flat in Hackney Wick.

For the past five years, Jack has been switching between brief stand-up tours around the United States and Europe and starring in a couple other major comedic films and TV shows and that one indie drama his manager didn’t want him to do. He still remains based in London, though technically also has an apartment in New York City where his brother and a friend live but he crashes at when he’s in the States.

Though it has been a fast five years, Jack is aware of when he’s reached his limit and won’t be afraid to go on a “hiatus” for a month or two to travel, maybe take some community art classes, and just relax. He’s also developed a bit of a habit and reputation for skipping awards shows. He likes to make up excuses that he was just sick, but in reality, he feels too uncomfortable at them and prefers to just show up at the after party that allows the most casual attire after watching the awards from his flat. 

          SOCIAL CONNECTIONS:

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single. FAMILY: Daniel Katz (younger brother)