#not the real quote in the pic but damn it fits well

[-cassiopeia-]

Can you

not d i s a p p e a r

on me?

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Thurs 4 Feb ‘21

Confirmation is here at last of Harry’s role in the film adaptation of My Policeman, brought to us by queer fave Greg Berlanti (and his husband). Harry will costar with Emma Corrin, who you may remember from the at the time inexplicable seeming Harry/Emma cross promo last August-- given the pains they took then to emphasize that the relationship was platonic, one assumes this film will go for a different promo tactic than the current one! They share a stylist though, so they’ll no doubt be beautifully coordinated. Harry will play Tom, which some people object to on the grounds that Harry is the wrong person to play the role of a closeted man which is certainly… one opinion. Aaaaand there’s plenty more of that discourse (and about him playing a policeman) to come over the coming months so I’ll just leave it there for now! Anyway and as for that current project, we got more DWD set pics today, featuring Harry in various costume outfits! There’s ones where his character looks bloodied, and ones where his character looks clean but absolutely terrifying, grown up frat boy from hell looks to give you CHILLS, plus some of Harry as Harry in a bright orange hoodie designed by his friend Kunichi Nomura.There was also {moustache spoilers} some weird facial hair on display. Okay then!

Project Defenseless has been launched to push Defenseless up in the streaming charts and push for radio play! The fan single project offers resources and organized pushes to get people streaming and promoting on all the platforms and reaching out to radio, and has fans making lots of very cool edits besides! “I see what you’re doing with defenseless! You are all incredible!” said Louis. That song is such a fitting choice for this kind of project! Its journey has been all about the fan response from back when Louis played it for us for the very first time in 2019 (it was the one everyone was screaming about from soundcheck clips for the few hours between that and hearing the songs for real even) and afterwards he told us about how although he’d always liked the song it clicked for him in a new way after getting the fan reaction, saying “something happened to it when I performed it live, and ever since then it really kind of got me,” and “the fans make everything sound amazing, they made it sound so good,” and “the fans for whatever reason really took to this song, so now it has a special place in me heart definitely”. Plus of course there was the long saga of fan stress when it seemed like it might not be on the album and rejoicing when Louis finally definitively confirmed that it would be, after what seemed like might have been a reversal on his part due to the outcry about it. And now she’s climbing all kinds of charts like a the star she is! The song shot up on itunes (#3 worldwide, #1 in 16 countries) just for starters and the project has only just got going. Louis commented on the stats-- “An album track off an album that’s a year old. You lot blow my fucking mind! Thank you so much!”

Louis also commented on a Jack Saunders (BBC indie music DJ) tweet and followed guitarist Johnny Took of the DMAs on twitter which is weird only in that he didn’t already.

There’s news about Zayn’s Zach Sang interview, and it’s not the most surprising news but it is very sad; Zach says “hi beautiful humans, this convo was scheduled for last week but we got a rain check from his team. this conversation can still happen, it ain’t over yet! we’ll keep ya in the loop. I listened to this album 7 times! we’re determined” Well... damn. However Zayn DID pop up with some spon-content but like… the WEIRDEST ad content?? It’s for Coors Light and, well I’ll let Zayn tell you about it! “They’re gonna see if they can put a commercial inside your dreams... which is kind of messed up.” HAHAHAHA I have nothing to add! What Zayn said!!! “So we’re gonna give that a go and uh see if it works,” he says, sounding appropriately skeptical, followed by “wish me luck”. Does this kind of sponcon count as malicious compliance? Technically he DID say the stuff he was supposed to- and he’s doing an instagram live for them Sat, supposedly. I can’t wait to see how that goes! Wish him luck! The latest installment of the NIL comic book video series is also out today, but just one this time instead of a pair. This week’s song is Connexion and the new comic shows us that the figure pursuing our hero is, drumroll-- himself! The call is coming from inside the house!

Unlike interview shy Zayn, however, Gigi is out there ready to overshare, as long as it’s to Vogue. She has plenty to say about giving birth to zaby Khai (newly revealed nickname: Khaiba) at home at the Pennsylvania farm. The article says that they decided to have the birth at home due to COVID placing restrictions on hospital births that would have prevented Bella and Zayn and Yolanda all being present, and after she and Zayn watched the documentary The Business of Being Born. “They placed a blow-up bath in their bedroom and sent their three cats and border collie away when the midwife expressed concern that the sphynx and Maine coon felines might puncture the tub with their claws,” the interviewer learns while horseback riding with Gigi. The article also says Zayn “caught the baby” but it isn’t a direct quote from Gigi and I’m thinking a bit of an exaggeration perhaps. Gigi had the baby at the Hadid family farm but she and Zayn have since relocated to live at his farm, which is nearby, where they say they will be raising the child, with Z’s mom Trisha coming to stay to help out for the first month, that Khai sleeps with them, and that Zayn said his experience of the whole thing reminded him of the birth in a lion documentary they’d watched. Neither mentioned it but it has been spotted that Gigi and Zayn each now have tattoos of the name, Khai, in Arabic.

Meanwhile, Niall surfaced only in golf guy mode- a Modest Golf announcement and a podcast appearance to promote the new Modest initiative to get young people into playing golf. He says they want to “get rid of that thing that’s been holding golf back for a long time, that it’s a boring sport…” and I know he means he’s trying to combat that idea but when I tell you I LAUGHED!

[s1utspeare]

DMBJ Characters as Shakespeare Leads

I got into it in the notes of a moonfall echo post and now I’m going insane about what Shakespeare Characters each DMBJ person vibes the most with who do I blame for this

ANYWAY WELCOME TO MY LATEST NONSENSE THESE ARE MY PERSONAL OPINIONS AND ALSO BASED ENTIRELY ON VIBES ALONE

WU XIE as VIOLA from Twelfth Night

okay bear with me, I know this is a strong one coming right out the gate. But the GAY ENERGY. the ATTEMPTING TO BE SOMEONE THEY’RE NOT ALL THE TIME. the sheer amount of LOVE INSIDE. also this bitch spends SO much time in the series dressed up as other people like??? mans loves cosplaying except the cosplay is for Life and Death Situations. also the love triangles are hilarious. plus they’re both cute and gay and i love them

ZHANG QILING as CORIOLANUS from Coriolanus

did i choose these two because they’re arguably the hottest characters in each of their canon? maybe. also Cori Boy is the only one violent enough to even come CLOSE to xiao-ge’s deadly energy. I could have done Hamlet, who is the only other real Shakespearian swordsman, but Hamlet talks too much. also something about the desperation and side-switching that appeals to me. OH THEY BOTH HAVE GOOD TITS yeah that’s a good reason too

WANG PANGZI as THE FOOL from King Lear

okay before any of you come for me in the notes, the Fool is arguably the greatest Shakespearean character. They’re only CALLED the Fool cause it’s their job, but actually they’re the only one with any braincells in the play. Both start out as the archetypal comic relief character and then become the heart and soul of the story. The Fool makes a bunch of jokes and also prophesies the end and possibly is magic?? who’s to say. But anyway Pangzi also does all of those things and I feel like he should get to wear a funny hat. plus the Fool just has to deal with idiots trying to take his job by being clowns for free, and Pangzi can relate to that energy I think

LIU SANG as ARIEL from The Tempest

If it weren’t for just the SHEER amount of creepy magical energy they both exude, it’s the loyalty and sacrifice that does it for me. Not only are they both Ethereal Beings, there’s also a lot of sound ties to Ariel in The Tempest, so like it checks out. Plus they both Crouch. Also I just want Liu Sang to be able to smite some bitches sometimes. That would be good for him (it’s NOT because they’re both my favorite characters IT’S NOT)

Bai Haotian as Puck from A Midsummer Night’s Dream

So this is not only because i have a thing for casting women as Puck, but also because they fit so well together!! like. they both have crushes on people they perceive to be in authority! they both like being helpful! they both should get to be a little feral and also do magic! like Xiao Bai would be SUCH a cute Puck and if Wu Xie weren’t such a dumbass he’d make a good Oberon but alas. He is a Dumbass. so Xiao Bai is Puck but Wu Xie doesn’t get to be in Midsummer because he is simultaneously Too Dumb and Not Dumb Enough. 

LI CU as PRINCE HAL from Henry IV Part I

sorry for more Tom Hiddleston pics but he’s genuinely like the best Shakespearian actor I’ve ever seen, and he’s done it all. Anyway Li Cu is Hal but specifically Hal from Part I because Part II isn’t as good and Hal is basically Dead when we get to Henry V so it has to be Part I. Anyway. Troubled youth who doesn’t want to do what his father wants so he basically gets kidnapped and raised by an older man who is full of Trickery and also Witty Remarks? The Best Friends Trios? The evolution into a Hero in Their Own Right? These guys are perfect for each other. Also I go feral about both of them at any given moment

A-NING as LADY MACBETH from Macbeth

YES I used A-Ning from Time Raiders because I think she’s the hottest version of A-Ning WHAT ABOUT IT. Anyway A-Ning could be no one other than the scheming girlboss Lady Macbeth. They’re both Morally Ambiguous but Fuck they look so good doing it. Can And Will manipulate literally any man into doing what they want. Su Nan was also a contender for Lady Macbeth because she resonates very strongly with the “Out, damned spot!” monologue, but she respects authority too much. A-Ning would not hesitate to kill the bitchass king of Scotland so that her family could ascend to the throne and I love that for her

ZHANG DADDY RISHAN as HAMLET from Hamlet

OKAY BEFORE ANYONE SAYS “brigid i know u chose them because ur a simp for zhang daddy rishan and ur a simp for hamlet stop being so predictable” LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE COULD DO IT THO??? LIKE??? ok they both are setting their life purpose on the bedrock of an older mentor figure’s death... they both have to deal with conspirators trying to usurp them... both the Ultimate Tragic Hero and Make Me Cry Every Damn Day... both are torn away from their nerd boyfriends by death... they both live in my head rent free... I know Zhang Daddy Rishan does not talk as much as Hammie Boy but I 100% think that there’s a CONSTANT monologue going on in his head at all times. Also the Am I A Coward speech? That’s our Daddy Rishan to the MAX. No one look at me or im gonna start making picsets of him with Hamlet quotes superimposed over it I swear to GOD

and finally.... 

WU SANXING as IAGO from Othello

Not only does this picture from the NTL production of Othello represent what I want to do to Sanshu every time I see him onscreen, but these bitches are two of The Fakest Hos I have ever come across. It’s a love-hate relationship with them most of the time; you hate them for what they’re doing to the heroes, but they’re so good at the Trickery that you can’t help but admire them for it a little bit. They can, have, and will sell their family members for a single Lick of Power and Wealth. And yeah, you could MAKE an argument for them to be Good or at the very least Morally Ambiguous but they’re both giant dicks and deep down in our hearts we all know it. 

[pellicano-sanguino]

The Long Carmilla Post 2 - Return of the Long Post about the Queen of Lesbian Vampires

When Tumblr tightened its policy about censoring nudity, they targeted a long post I'd made about Carmilla, since I showed photos of Ingrid Pitt and Yutte Stensgaard with their bare breasts in it. I have now censored the post, edited it and added a little. Carmilla is my favourite vampire of all time, and I have a long history with her different incarnations, so I wanted to bring the Long Carmilla Post back.

When I first posted the Long Carmilla Post, I had just seen the movie made by the Carmilla webseries folks. The sudden fame of the webseries surprised me. I can't help but think, that there must be a lot of new Carmilla fans, who instantly think of Natasha Negovanlis when they hear that name. If this series had been around when I was a teen, damn, would I have loved it! I would have been obsessed with it. But it was not, and I can't really become as obsessed with it now as the new fans do. Because when I hear the name Carmilla, several different faces appear in my imagination. I have already been obsessed with Carmilla from a rather young age, and while I love the webseries and this movie, for me it's just one of Carmilla's newer incarnations, not her default form.

I don't want to sound like a hipster (”I liked Carmilla before the webseries made her cool!”), I just thought that as a lesbian vampire lover I should make a post about my favourite vampire, and the history I have with the character.

There are some images of blood under the cut.

When I was younger, there really wasn't any lesbian litterature around (well, there probably was but I didn't know what books to search). I had a habit of switching genders in the books I read, making everyone female so I could get the girl romances I craved for, but this always felt forced and not ”real.” I read lots of vampire stories, because I've always loved that genre, but it was very much dominated by stories of male vampires. When I read Dracula, it had a short introduction speech that talked about the history of modern vampire stories, and it mentioned Sheridan Le Fanu's Carmilla.

Tracking the novella down was a bit hard, considering that back then I didn't have internet and so could only read books that I found in the library and bookstores. Fortunately the translation of Carmilla was included in one horror anthology that our library had. I managed to get my hands on it, and this cover illustration was the first ”face” of Carmilla that I knew.

I can't really put a finger on why I became so obsessed with this story. It's not that great of a novella. A very basic old-timey vampire story about a monster who threatens the life of the protagonist, who is saved when the monster's true nature is revealed, after which it is hunted down and destroyed. And the lesbian subtext is very, very subtle. There was just something very mysterious and fascinating about Carmilla. She is still among the few vampires who actually frighten me. Though Le Fanu's story isn't very scary by modern standards, Laura's nightmare scenes somehow got under my skin. There's something very creepy in the way vampires in older stories used to steal blood from their victims while they were sleeping. The idea, that there exists a predator who instead of straight up attacking its prey, approaces it by a cover of flawless mimicry, is horrifying. You are being slowly eaten alive and you're not even aware of it happening, or that it's your charming friend doing it to you.

I started having dreams about Carmilla. The first ones were nightmares, but even if they were scary, they didn't make me anxious, just excited. I was scared of Carmilla, but I wanted to see her, I wanted to hear her voice. It was as if I had fallen under her spell, much like Laura, but unlike Laura, I was aware of her true nature. I knew what she wanted, I knew that in my dreams, her kisses would lead to bites. But to a young lesbian who loved vampire stories, those kisses were worth losing a few drops of blood in the dream kingdom. She was one of ”my people.” She was not a genderswapped male hero, she was ”real.” She genuinely loved women and blood, and I loved her.

Halloween isn't really celebrated where I live, but one October a friend of mine decided that she'd hold a Halloween party (which became a yearly tradition for us for many years to come). She invited a group of her friends to watch horror movies at her house, and everyone should wear a costume. There was no competition what I would go as. I had a light blue dress that I decorated with blood stains, and over it I wore a dark gray cape, on which I had painted purple flower patterns to make it resemble the coat Carmilla wears on the cover illustration. It must be almost twenty years old, but I still have that cape.

Little Pellicano as Carmilla. I think I must have been 13 or 14 when this party was held.

Then I saw my first Carmilla movie. A Hammer film called Vampire Lovers.

This is a very silly movie. Very cheesy. But young Pellicano loved it. I can still quote many of the scenes from memory. The movie follows LeFanu's novella rather loosely, but I think it's one of the most faithful adaptations. It included the basic ”plot” that Carmilla uses to get close to her victims, has the nightmares (including Carmilla's monstrous cat form), keeps the plot point that she must form her new names anagrammically and makes her killer be a man who lost his daughter to the vampire. So far I think it's the only movie version that includes the scene where Carmilla sees the funeral procession of a girl she killed and loses it completely. I've always found that scene interesting, many claim that her fit of anxiety is caused by hearing the chanting (being unholy creature who's weak to christian things) but I think it's more than that. Either she has horrifying flashbacks to her own funerals (waking to vampirism and having to claw her way out of her own grave, that would scar me for sure) or she is genuinely sorry for killing the girl and terrified of having to face the truth that her love will always end in death.

I want to interpret Carmilla as a vampire who really loves her victims, not as playthings but as real lovers. But she wasn't a reluctant vampire either, she embraced the monstrous side of herself. It was natural to her, and so it was inevitable that the women she loved would eventually die. Maybe she preferred to ignore this knowledge in the daytime, and when she was forced to see what her night time activities had resulted in, the fit of anxiety happened.

A bit off topic, but one scene from the novella that I've never seen make it into a movie, is when a wandering salesman offers his dentistry services to Carmilla, offering to file down her fangs, which sends Carmilla into a fit of rage. I don't know, I always thought that scene pretty funny. Poor guy, offering to de-fang a vampire and getting a HOW DARE YOU rant in response.

So, the next ”face” of Carmilla was obviously Ingrid Pitt. While this movie wasn't particularly explicit (all the sex happens off screen), the lesbian subtext was much less subtle, which pleased young Pellicano. And then there was the infamous bathing scene (would show pics, but gotta censor for Tumblr. You can easily find them by image googling.).

When I was younger, I suffered from being underweight for a long time (had always been a small girl). Seeing Ingrid Pitt's figure motivated me to try to gain weight. She was so beautifully soft and curved, not just her chest, but her shoulders and legs and everything just looked so smooth and nice, while I had thin, pointy, stick-like limbs with sharp edges and none of that lovely roundness. I know teens should not look at celebrities and actresses as body models, but I think having Ingrid Pitt's shape as body goal was healthy for me. I never reached that goal, of course, but I did eventually reach normal weight limits (50kg, the weight needed for blood donors).

That friend of mine, who hosted Halloween parties, watched the movie with me and knew that I was obsessed with Carmilla. One day she got me a fake gold necklace with a red plastic gem on it, shaped like a blood drop. I don't know where she got this trinket from, but it was similar to the pendant Carmilla wears in the movie, and even if it was just cheap junk, I treasured it. And totally wore it during the next Halloween party, going as Carmilla like I always did. I've lost the gold chain, but I still have the gem.

Also still have the VHS. I don't know why I've kept it, I have no VHS player anymore.

Before I move on from Ingrid Pitt, I’d like to mention a pet peeve of mine. Ingrid Pitt has done two vampire roles (three if Elisabeth Bathory from Countess Dracula is counted). The more famous role is obviously Carmilla, it’s probably her most famous role ever, period. Her other vampire role is Carla Lynde from House that Dripped Blood. Now, the thing that annoys me is that article writers tend to always mix these two up. Whenever they write something about Carmilla or female vampires in general, they always mention Ingrid Pitt’s role as Carmilla in Vampire Lovers, but they always use the same damn stupid promo photo that is from House that Dripped Blood. That’s lazy research! Do they just image google “Ingrid Pitt vampire” and fail to check if the photo they use is actually from the movie they’re talking about?! The roles don’t even look identical, Carmilla’s a brunette while Carla Lynde is blonde, Vampire Lovers is set in 1800s, House that Dripped Blood is set in 20th century. The worst one was when the museum in my home city had a vampire themed exhibition and even they used the wrong photo for Vampire Lovers. If a museum can’t get their facts straight, that’s just sad.

Here is an example of my pet peeve in action, an article about vampire movies, using the wrong fucking photo for Vampire Lovers. And yes, I know why they like using this particular photo (”höhöhöö boobs, I’m so mature”). But that just makes me more angry when they do it.

Hammer made a sequel to Vampire Lovers called Lust for a Vampire. It was...  disappointing. It introduced a male love interest for Carmilla, which in my opinion was complete bullshit. If you want to make a story about a female vampire who falls in love with a human boy, by all means make it, but don't call it Carmilla, call it something else. That being said, there were a good amount of lesbian action going on as well (this time Carmilla plotted her way into an all girls' school...) and if there's one thing Hammer rarely fails at delivering, it's the bucketloads of unconvincing bright red fake blood. I skipped the icky het sex, but always enjoyed this scene:

Yeah, Yutte Stensgaard was the third ”face” of Carmilla. When I think of that name, this blood-covered, sleepy-looking vampire maiden is among the images that instantly pop into my mind.

The third Carmilla movie I saw was titled just Carmilla and starred Meg Tilly.

This was clearly a cheaper (maybe made for TV) adaptation. Meg Tilly didn't leave as big an impression as Ingrid Pitt and Yutte Stensgaard did. But I do remember one line from the movie clearly. When Marie (the southerner ”Laura” of this version) asks about Carmilla's past, Carmilla brushes it aside by saying ”That was another lifetime. I'm much happier now.” I adopted this phrase into use. Whenever people are unknowingly asking about a painful thing from my past that I don't want to talk about, I will say it to let them know that nothing good comes from digging old wounds that have already scarred. That was another lifetime. I'm much happier now.

I do remember that Meg Tilly's Carmilla was the movie with the ”awkward floaty blood drinking pose.”

I'm sorry, but that just doesn't look comfortable. Or functional.

Then the big day came – my family got a computer that could access internet. It was an awful piece of junk that could barely be used for writing emails and visiting messageboards. It wouldn't play videos, loading images took forever and big pictures often made it freeze. However, I had access to the internet now. The first word I ever googled was obviously ”carmilla.” Among the sites I found back then, was one about a German play, starring a woman called Ulrike Schneidewind.

The site had big, beautiful promo photos of the play. They took forever to load, but I returned to watch them often. There was something captivating in Ulrike Schneidewind's look for Carmilla. I'm not usually a fan of vampires with the white face+red lipstick+loads of mascara-look, but hers was beautiful, like a painting, like a creature that really wasn't human.

I don’t know if they used fake blood in the actual play or if it was only for these promo photos, but it looks incredibly pretty and surprisingly convincing.

I have no idea what this demon looking thing is supposed to be - Carmilla’s monstrous cat form maybe?

Ulrike Schneidewind became the next ”face” of Carmilla, even though I have never seen her act. All I've seen are these promo photos of the play (I have heard her speak. There's a couple minutes long news clip on Youtube about a vampire lifestyler event she attended). Supposedly there exists a VHS of the Carmilla play they performed on a Romanian tour, but they must have only made a handful of those, since I've never seen it on sale anywhere. I check the German eBay every now and then in faint hopes of finding a copy but I've come to accept that I'll probably never see this show. But still, Ulrike Schneidewind's look left an impression on my mind.

Around those times I started to draw comics in which my self-insert character shared a house with six vampire roommates (Carmilla, who owned the house, Brunhilda from Wake Not the Dead, Teresa from Last Lords of Gardonal, Ruthven, Dracula and Francis Varney) and an OC named Charity (Brunhilda's donor and girlfriend). I mostly pulled the designs for my vampires out of thin air, really (well, Dracula was as he was descrided in the novel, with fuzzy moustache and bushy eyebrows) but Carmilla's design was based on Ulrike Schneidewind's look, with blue veins shining through the white skin and lots of dark makeup and black hair.

Sad part is that it's been over ten years and my drawing skills have not improved at all. This is not ”art” this is doodles. But drawing these was super fun back then, so I shouldn't feel ashamed of them now, I think.

Besides these comics, I wrote some fanfics too. But I'm very glad I never put those anywhere public, because damn, they are embarrassing to read now. It's because my fanfics were actually serious business, full of drama and sturm und drang, and they turned out rather cheesy. Also full of, ahem, erotic content written by someone who had no personal experience on the subject yet. The comics on the other hand were just made for shits and giggles, and I think they've survived the test of time better (by which I mean, that I have actually shown my comics to other people, because occasionally I think I made a fun one, while I've never shown my fics to anyone and have already burned the worst ones.).

When the wonderland of internet was opened to me, I gained access to all the books in the world. I was no longer restricted by what our library and book stores had, I could buy stuff that wasn't published here. So obviously I got a copy of Kyle Marffin's Carmilla sequel. It's not a very good book. Quite silly, childish and badly written (men really shouldn't write about lesbians, they know nothing about them and enjoying an erotic scene becomes rather hard when you imagine some gross het dude writing it while drooling on his keyboard). But it was the first time I read a rather explicit lesbian sex scene, and that got me very excited, because finally all the subtext was thrown to garbage. Here it was, black on white, proof that Carmilla was into girls, not just their blood but their bodies as well. My late discovery of lesbian erotica may seem weird now, when anyone can gain access to mountains of lesbian smut in the internet, but back when I lived with my parents I never dared to look up smut on the home computer, in fear that they'd find out. Until I moved out, my only access to lesbian erotica was books, and Carmilla's Return was the first one I got.

Rant time: I might also add, that annoyingly enough I had been encountering explicit het sex scenes in books, movies and TV years before. And while I never intentionally searched naughty stuff on the net, I had bumped into het porn there accidentally as well. I wonder if heteros understand how freaking frustrating this kind of thing was. Their smut was all over the place, in every book, every film and all around the net, pretty much rubbed to my face, while MY stuff was so obscure I didn't even know where to look for it. And then they had the nerve to claim that we are ”flaunting it” and ”making it all about ourselves” whenever there was a gay sidecharacter somewhere. Grr. Grrr. Rant over.

I bumped into some incarnations of Carmilla later too, but none left an impression on my mind like these early ones did. The worst Carmilla I ever saw was the main villain in Lesbian Vampire Killers. That movie is easily the worst vampire movie I have ever seen (maybe even the worst movie I've seen, period), it's an ”erotic horror comedy” that is neither sexy, scary or funny. It is nice that when they were thinking of a character to star in a movie about lesbian vampires, they chose Carmilla. But the movie is such utter garbage, I'd rather they'd left my favourite vampire out of it. Save your money and sanity -  don't watch this movie. It's bad.

I feel like a lot of time people want to take Carmilla's name and make a whole new character with it (like Reimi Urara's character in Vampire Succession, who is named Carmilla but isn't even a vampire at all). These ”Carmilla in name only” kind of characters don't count, and frankly speaking I'm not that fond of them. I guess it is nice that people want to pay respect to the legendary vampire by naming a character after her, but my opinion still is that if you don't want to tell the story of a lesbian vampire, call your character something else. If you take away either of Carmilla's two passions; that of women or that of blood, the character loses her trademark characteristics and stops being ”real.” You don't make a Godzilla movie where the king of the monsters isn't allowed to have his trademark atomic breath, and you don't make a Carmilla who doesn't love women and blood.

Now that I have said that, you probably guess my opinion about the (*spoilers*) ending of the webseries's third season. Yeah, I wasn't a fan of humanizing Carmilla. So, I went to see the movie with rather low expectations, and was pleasantly surprised. This movie is more Carmilla than all of the webseries's seasons together.

But let's speak about the webseries first. I was very positively surprised by it. One day I ended up googling Carmilla again (was probably looking for fanfics) and discovered this little gem. It had very little to do with Le Fanu's original, but what it decided to change was so good that I didn't care. And it had still lots of little nods to the novella. Carmilla's anagrammical names, the nightmares, they freaking included Laura's governesses De Lafontaine and Perrodon (I would totally watch a spin-off that just follows the adventures of Laf and Perry) and there's even a scene where Carmilla is watching over sleeping Laura, looking a bit similar to a famous illustration of the novella. Also, the theme song ”Love will have it's sacrifices”, is a direct quote, from a scene where Carmilla is describing to Laura the night when the curse of vampirism was passed on to her (of course, she doesn't out right say it, but the reader knows what she's talking about).

”--- I was all but assassinated in my bed, wounded here," she touched her breast, "and never was the same since."

"Were you near dying?"

"Yes, very--a cruel love--strange love, that would have taken my life. Love will have its sacrifices. No sacrifice without blood.---”

I'm not going to say the webseries doesn't have its flaws, a little lazy writing here and there, plot holes and inconsistent characters occasionally (I feel sorry for Danny. She just can't win.). But it was incredibly entertaining, it made me laugh and it made me care about what happens to everyone. And like probably a lot of the fans, I adored the fact that they didn't dance around the lesbian thing. When Laura understands that Carmilla's advances weren't blood-related, her reaction isn't any dumb ”But we're both girls, how can this be?!” Whoever understood to make Laura gay too was a genius. When she gets all flattered and blushing after learning that a beautiful girl finds her attractive, it's such a relatable feeling. It's the lesbian romance I so wanted as a teen! Not stories of a predatory lesbian seducing dumb clueless het girls to the dark side, but girls experiencing all the usual things female leads in romantic stories do, only with another girl as their love interest.

The first season of the webseries is my favourite. The second was pretty good, too. Third, in my opinion, a bit unnecessary (here I think you could see the writing starting to slip). Then came the movie.

They could have completely abandoned the vampire theme and proceeded with the heroes' further adventures. But they didn't and thank goodness for it. They return to draw inspiration from the original source; the novella. We have nightmares, and I admit they actually made me uneasy, reminding me of that creepy feel Laura's dream scenes gave me in the novella. The image of Carmilla laying down in a coffin filled with blood is also from the story. There's a scene where Carmilla is forced to reveal her vampiric nature, and it really reminds me of the scene where it happens in the book.  

And they freaking quote it, probably being the first adaptation ever to use straight quotes from the book. ”Die together so they can live together”-speech isn't quite right word-to-word, I think, but still, it's an identifiable quote. I used to be able to quote the ”You are mine, you shall be mine”-speech in English, Swedish and German, but have now forgotten most versions (yeah, I read Carmilla in several languages when I was younger. I was freaking obsessed with the story). I still think it's the most memorable quote from the novella. Also, the book-reading scene with ”Girls are caterpillars who undergo several larval stages before becoming butterflies”-speech is also from the novella. I think the only famous quote missing in this movie is the ”I've never been in love and never shall unless it should be with you”-speech.

As a fan of the ”old” Carmilla I adore how they pay homage to the origin respectfully, while still making their very own story. Again, teenaged Pellicano would have been all over this stuff. But I had to make my lesbian vampire stories from other versions, and while those also have their flaws, I adore them just as much. I am just happy that Carmilla lives on, not forgotten and left in the shadow of the countless more famous male vampires (seriously, where the fuck are all the female vampires? Ones that are actually main characters in their story and pass the freaking vampiric Bechdel test?)

Carmilla lives on, indeed. She has made a new comeback in Netflix's Castlevania series. I watched the first season and liked it quite a bit. It was a bit too gorey for my personal taste, but that wasn’t a dealbreaker. I liked the art style and was interested to see where they take the story. When I heard rumours that the second season would have a character named Carmilla, my reaction was pretty much “Carmilla is part of the Castlevania franchise?! Why did no one tell me this before?!”

Of course I’m always eager to see new adaptations of my favourite vampire. So, I did some research to know which games she appears in, made some popcorn and sat down to watch some Let’s Play videos (I’m not a gamer and don’t own game consoles so the only way I get to experience videogames is through Let’s Plays in Youtube.). But I ended up rather disappointed. Carmilla in the Castlevania games is cartoonishly silly at best, downright insulting to the original at worst.

So, after seeing how poorly the games treated my favourite vampire, I looked forward to the second season of the Netflix series with mixed feelings. I was hopeful, thinking that they can't go anywhere but up from here. And I was pleasantly surprised. The character design made her a bit silly looking with eeeevil face and her body language is very femme fatale-ish (I don’t really see the appeal of the femme fatale trope, but then again, it’s usually written for male audience), but they didn't put her in an ugly, revealing costume and the camera focused on her face instead of her breasts.

It's disappointing that she isn't a lesbian in this one (she makes one joke that hints she might be into girls too, but because Dracula's war council is mostly one big sausage fest, we don't see her interact with other females much).

I am so, so happy that the makers of the show understood that Carmilla is not some boot-licking notice-me-senpai Dracula fangirl (an aspect of her I loathed in the games). The only reasons for a lesbian vampire to ally with a male one are if they have a common goal (such as defending themselves against vampire hunters) or if she has no other choice. Netflix Carmilla is the latter. Dracula is a powerful, dangerous monster, who is also very much insane and therefore unpredictable. When he summons Carmilla to join his senseless crusade against humankind, Carmilla can't afford to refuse and take the chance of the mad vampire king killing her for disobedience and making a warning example of her. She has to go to war she herself deems pointless (well, Godbrand had a point in his ”If vampires kill all the humans, what will the vampires eat?”-speech.). So she begins to plot to prevent the genocide (she actually wants humankind to keep existing as opposed to wiping them from the face of the Earth, remind me again why she is the one every fan hates while they love Dracula the Kill All Humans-madman? Oh right, she assaults one of the male fan favourite characters on screen and is therefore deemed much more evil than Dracula who slaughters countless innocent humans offscreen without mercy. Got it.).

I love that she uses cunning instead of seduction when putting her plot to gain freedom from Dracula's servitude in action. Admittedly, some of the scenes where she's manipulating Hector seem a bit seductive-ish, but are still nothing compared to the ”Oh great master let me lick the blood off your sword!”-bullshit from the games. Also, was I the only one who could see right through her mindgames? Every time she complimented some man, I was shaking my head ”Lady, even blind Reetta can see that you are full of shit.” So it really surprised me when Hector fell for it. How do you fall for such an obvious trap?

I like that Carmilla's reasons for her schemes are reasonable and based on common sense and war strategy rather than just being evil for the sake of being evil. That being said, the scene where she beats Hector felt unnecessary, the man was tied up and would have gone with her even without getting his ass handed to him, because he's a prisoner and has no choice. I understand that it's an important scene symbolically, tying back to the scene where the animal-loving Hector compares vampires to cats, to which Isaac points out that cats play cruelly with their prey. It's a turning point for Hector, who abandoned humanity and tried to find a new family among monsters only to realize that they are, well, monsters. What did you expect voting for Leopards Eating Peoples' Faces Party would bring to you? Anyway, I understand that the scene is important to the plot and character growth, but I can't help but feel that making Carmilla assault a fan favourite character so brutally was the writers way of making sure the audience hates her. I have a feeling that they want to be sure the audience hates her, because they have something disgusting in mind for her for the third season.

I already talked about this in my ”If you have to kill female vampires on screen, please don't make it look like a rape”-post. I am worried what they are going to do with Carmilla. She's obviously going to get killed, but I hope they allow her to go down with dignity. Lords of Shadows 2 already gave us a really disgusting, rapey killing scene (I’ve only seen one killing scene with an even clearer “lesbianism can be cured by rape”-theme, in Lesbian Vampire Killers where Carmilla is impaled by a dick-shaped sword), we do not need another. I don't want Hector or Isaac or Dracula impaling her body slowly and looking downward at her in disgust as she painfully dies. Yes, Dracula will be coming back, it's Castlevania after all. I'm also worried of the possibility that instead of killing her, they make Dracula force her back into his servitude, which would also be super gross.

I am happy that the character of Carmilla lives on, that new fans get to experience her with these new incarnations, but whenever a new Carmilla surfaces, I am also a bit worried at how they are going to handle her character this time. I will have to wait and see how the third season of Castlevania ends, until then it is useless to speculate.

[alphabees-writes]

Glee - S1 E3 (Acafellas)

“I’m excited to watch this one, only because I remember actually really liking the Acafellas covers? Let’s see how hard I cringe now!

I’d have to guzzle wine if I had to have dinner with Terri too, Will’s mom...

“Oh it’s just hamburger casserole! Look out for bones.” Lucky for you she likes her casserole boneful!

Sign #8 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Deciding to announce Terri’s pregnancy to his parents WELL before the 12 week standard, without asking her first. He literally springs it on her. Yeah she’s awful, but so is he right now!

“I started at Zuckerman and Zuckerman while I was in college” Alternate timeline where Lauren Zises and Puck start a business together confirmed?

Is it mean of me to be distracted by how HUGE Will’s dad’s ears are...?

Theme of the day: Placating William Schuester’s ego

Quinn calling Rachel “sweetie” even though it’s dripping with sarcasm just makes my Faberry bones jingle

The way Quinn says “Did you ever perform Mr Schuester?” is a god damn SMACK! DOWN! 

Emma roasting John Stamos, who will be her husband in about a season’s time, is golden

Will spends too much time in Emma’s office. Aren’t the students meant to have appointments? There’s no way there’s a single school in the world where the counselling service isn’t totally overwhelmed with a mile long waiting list

The “For he’s a jolly good fellow” scene is me and my sister every time we hang out

Will turning into the camera to kick off “THIS IS HOW WE DO IT” is one of the better transitions on this show, honestly

This is one of the few occasions I actually like Matt Morrison’s delivery a lot. He genuinely sounds like he has no idea how awkward this group would be to watch...

Ahh... Nothing squicks me out quite like the face of William Schuester when he knows he’s about to get some coochie

Sign #9 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Rachel and Quinn tell him his dance moves are old fashioned, and he starts being completely absent in rehearsals... Very professional of you William

The way he says “whatever” to Rachel makes me want to throw him into a bonfire

“Do you see anybody else in here with a plate of ‘I’m sorry’ cookies? BOOM! Smack DOWN!

Again, Finn just straight up not knowing what anything is is making my god damn day

Of COURSE she’s still upset Finn, you bozo! YOU PULLED A KISS-NUT-RUN!

How Many Times Can We Fit The Word Guts Into One Episode Challenge

Quinn and Santana are filling Sue in, but Brittany’s missing. I like to think she’s lost.

Wow for a while I forgot Santana and Puck were ever a thing... Can I re-forget it?

How can Mercedes look at Kurt in THAT jacket and think “yeah, that’s a heterosexual right there” I just. I can’t

Mercedes: Have you ever kissed anybody? Kurt: Yes. If by someone you mean the tender crook of my eLbOw... I’ve never wanted to be an elbow before wow!

Kurt and Mercedes reminding one another that they’re the best people within a 100 mile radius? Perfect.

“Every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion” is a GREAT philosophy until you’re me and have about as much style as a dumpster raccoon

POISON! I hate that I actually like this cover...

You ready Ken? I’m ready. You ready Oooooonrie? I’m ready Will, are you?  Like, just pull the plug RIB

I can’t complain about how supportive Will’s parents are tbh it’s kinda wholesome?

Why was Figgins at this random acapella show...? Nice of him to show up anyway

“Is it too late to call Will Schuester the next Micheal Buble?” YES. Don’t sully the name of Mr Christmas himself

Oh wow. They really dragged Josh Groban into this! I nearly forgot...

MERCEDES LOOKS CUTE AS HELL IN THOSE SUSPENDERS!!! AND TINA’S WEARING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SHIRT??? GIRLS!!!

Ah, the form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee... Where would we be without them? Well, idk, if Burt Hummel was in charge apparently we’d all have nice cars

Kurt bb you have no idea you’re being asked out do you??? Bless your heart. Also poor Mercedes, she thinks he said yes...

I’m sorry, but NO car wash is going to raise you $8000. I don’t care if you’re washing those cars with caviar, it’s just not gonna happen!

Sign #10 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Henri ends up in the ER because he’s been chugging cough syrup like it’s Redbull and all he cares about is not being able to twerk for Josh Groban :/

Imagine seeing an ad for the Acafellas on fucking craigslist. Sign up now, feet pics optional!

Sign #11 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Belittles Finn for wanting to quit glee, while completely ignoring and neglecting glee.

Imagine your high school Spanish teacher holding you back after class to ask you to join his acapella band ._.

Puck join glee for MILFs and ONLY for MILFs. That’s all he wanted

Santana told Puck she ended it over his credit score but really it was all the heterosexuality

Oh god for a second I thought the first cougar was Santana’s mother I nearly flipped

“I also stopped beating people up so much” is ICONIC

Hey Ken! Maybe stop grabbing your student like that? Thanks! fuckhead

“My BOWELS have better moves than you” God damn it. I want to hate Puck, and I think we all know why, but... I love this character. 

ThAt BaSeBaLl ThInG sUrE wAs GoOd Mr ScHuE!

I know this isn’t the point of this scene, but I NEED to see Kurt just walking around school in a corset. Just chilling in his lessons like that? Icon.

Mercedes asking Kurt to be her boyfriend is PAINFUL but also I fucking love her confidence? She knows what she wants! It’s just a shame she vandalises his car right after :/ 

Kurt’s FACE when Mercedes says “Rachel?!” He can’t believe he lucked out like that oh my goodness

SHE SMASHED THE WINDOW. HIS FACE OH MY GOD. Why are all the half-naked Cheerios polishing the busted car now 

Amber busts some MOVES for this number... She kills it. I mean, don’t smash cars up kids, but if you do make sure you know your choreography for after!

It must’ve been so much fun to smash up that car for the dance oh my goodness. Did they have to shoot that in one take? Or did they just have a line of Navigators out back? RIB will never wear form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee ever again...

“Well you busted my heart!” Ok Mercedes but like... He didn’t put a fucking ROCK through it he just doesn’t know what dates are???

Mercedes sticks up for Artie, and then Kurt sticks up for them both when Dakota Stanley starts being a bitch... They’re wonderful friends! So proud of them

Ok he’s a little gremlin man but “I feel like a WOODLAND CREATURE!” is still something I quote

I know Rachel’s nose is a recurring thing but... It’s not a bad nose? Like, at all? It suits her perfectly, and it’s not noticeably large?

Will you really don’t need to be that close to fix Finn’s tie. In fact, you don’t need to fix it at all?

I know you’re not gonna sing THAT song!

They did NOT pay Josh Groban enough for any of this. Especially not “Josh Groban loves a blousy alcoholic”

“I’m a teacher... And a really good one” Are you, Mr Schue? Are you?

The look on Kurt’s face when he comes out to Mercedes... You can see the panic there. His eyes. Oh god. And then she ACCEPTS HIM because HE’S WONDERFUL THE WAY HE IS and she’s a GOOD FRIEND!!! Oh god he’s tearing up I’m going to cry...

Although I’m not 100% in love with the way she implies that telling everybody in the glee club is as simple as being true to himself. He’s not ashamed, Mercedes, he’s terrified... Although I know her heart is in the right place. She just wants him to know they’ll accept him at the end of the day!

He’s crying... My baby boy...

Sue permanently has old Cheerios footage playing on the TV in her office, because of course she does!

Quinn can say Sue taught her that lesson, but we all know she learned it from Rachel. With whom she is in love, of course.

Ahh, the first real Faberry moment... Delicious. Finally, some good fucking food!

[chelsanitys]

You can fucking choke. Why is it for you to decide what’s real feminism what’s fake? I believe every action that inspires girls and women is valid. Everyone should put in the amount of effort they’re able to put in, the smallest effort > doing nothing. Not everyone has the courage to make the greatest change in the world, why shame people for doing what they can. Maybe u find fitness pics and bland quotes stupid, I found them to motivate me to actually get out of the house sometimes

i don’t know why you thought this dumb ass comment was cogent enough to post to multiple peoples inboxes but this is the last thing i will say re: tessa bc it distracts from the larger issue

if you really believe tessa’s spice girls feminism is enough; if you really believe the most beloved and well known female athlete in canada is living up to the promise of her platform; if you really believe the purposeful positioning of herself as a feminist is satisfied by glam photoshoots and vague ‘girls can do anything!’ t-shirts; if you really believe her utter lack of nuance and ignorance of politics and intersectionality and complete failure to educate herself in the past three years is not a damning indictment of her superficial priorities - then believe that and fuck off outta my inbox. by all means jizz over her media op with sophie trudeau tomorrow if you genuinely feel like she’s doing enough. i am not here to absolve her so you can ride her pussy guilt-free

i expect more from her because she told me to expect more. she has deliberately cast herself as a women’s rights advocate and someone who will fight to empower young girls. if you’re not just using feminism as a PR tool, if you really believe what you’re saying, then i expect you to educate yourself. i expect you to know what you’re talking about beyond meaningless platitudes and i expect you to approach any number of issues with the depth it deserves. and when your sport where you are considered an icon and a legend is shaken by a scandal of this scale - if you choose to speak out, then i expect you to say something worthy of the seriousness and complexity of the issue. i don’t want you to tout a toothless op-ed you wrote months ago as proof you’ve done your part, and i don’t want you to speak in vague abstracts that minimalize the specific situation. literally nobody was criticizing her (or scott) for staying silent - in my past posts i put the onus of responsibility on people like charlie white instead. but she chose to say something i viewed as unhelpful at best and self-serving at worst. she can do better and you’re delusional if you don’t think she can. i don’t think wanting someone to do better is an attack - it’s a sign of capacity and potential they are not fulfilling. i’m not gonna sit here and be grateful she served me a pile of wet dust for dinner when i know she’s capable of a kobe steak

[doctortwhohiddles]

Hello doctorwhohiddles, this is Mom Anon. I’ve decided to cut out the middle man like you suggested. I trust you won’t doxx me, I’ve seen you protesting against it. I’ll answer your questions. I’ll repeat them in bold, so you know which one I’m talking about. It will be a long submission but you have a lot of questions and I have long answers. My answers are in bold.

I will start this letter with one of my favorite quote from Ben. “There are people who believe that my wife is a P.R. stunt and my child is a P.R. stunt,” he says, unsure if he should even be bringing this up—he knows that there’s no arguing with conspiracy theorists. “I think really it’s to do with the idea that the ‘Internet’s boyfriend’ can’t actually belong to anyone else but the Internet. It’s impossible he belongs to anyone but me. And that’s what stalking is. That’s what obsessive, deluded, really scary behavior is.” Yes I know this quote. I’ve always thought (and said) that I think Ben thinks that the most ardent fans, that showed up everywhere, sent gifts and stalk his neighbourhood, are now the skeptics. But even then, what else Could he say? No one (not even skeptics) could expect him to say “yeah it is all a PR-stunt but hey, whatever keeps your name in the papers!” He was going to be asked about it sooner or later and this is the answer I would expect him to give. For someone who says she reads a lot, your reading comprehension seems lacking. From my perspective (and that of 99.9% of the fandom), he was denouncing the so called “skeptics”. He wasn’t ask directly if his family was a PR stunt, he was discussing toxic fans. And you guys definitely are.

Because a normal person knows that faking 3 kids in this day and age is impossible. Specially if you’re in the public eye. I think that especially in this day and age it is possibke to fake a pregnancy with the modern prosthetics and make up techniques. Yeah, but what about after? You can’t fake kids for this long without anyone getting suspicious. So far, the only people who are is a small bunch of bitter women on Tumblr. You know the signer Adele? She forgot to register the birth of her son and it made the news. There is no way Ben could get away with faking kids.

Now think about it for a second, how could someone wear a fake baby bump to numerous public events with a ton of journalists attending and no one notices? How is that even possible? You have kids, you know very well that pregnancies vary from woman to woman. And yet here you are, denying that Sophie was ever pregnant. Why? Honestly, I really want to know. What could possibly drive an adult woman, a mother of three at that, to start denying reality that bad? Is it because you can’t accept that Ben doesn’t belong to you? Is it because you need to pass your unhappiness unto him? I really would like an answer. And no, your skeptical archives don’t count. In fact all they do is prove my point.

I doubt our archive proves your point however, I’ll keep it to pics etc that the nonskeptics have also seen and posted. There is a pic of the second pregnancy where you can actually see the straps of the prosthetic. Then: journalists only see them for like two minutes and then they walk on. The journo’s are snapping away hoping for a good picture so they probably don’t even look closely at them. As for pregnancies: yes they differ per woman and even per pregnancy but it is just not possible for a woman to get on a plan looking seven months pregnant and get off the plane looking two months pregnant. It has been put down to dehydration but that is nonsense, the baby would have died if that had happened in such an amount. She has a low belly on her honeymoon and two months later it is really high? Not possible. The moving and even doubling belly button in the Oscar pics? Not possible. And there are many more examples that have convinced me she was never pregnant. I know you look upon it differently but that is how I feel. As for Ben, I never felt he belonged to me and I am perfectly happy thank you so if I could transfer that to him, he wouldn’t have looked so miserable in so many pictures. But that is another discussion altogether.

It seems we’re going to have to explain the concept of perspective to you guys again. The pap picture of Sophie in a bikini was taken with a telescopic lens and from profile. The one in at the airport are taken from up close, from the front, with Sophie wearing a loose skirt. That’s why her bump looks smaller. Again, the tabloids would have picked up on it if there was something wrong. Also, there are numerous pictures of the both of them looking happy and in love. You just chose to ignore those pictures and concentrate only on the ones you think fits your narrative. As for the belly button, it changes with the bump and the baby’s position. My cousin’s belly button went all over the place during her pregnancy.

Now, why I am spending time reading haters blog, there’s three reasons. The first one is that your lack of logic and butthurt makes me laugh. Lord knows people need to laugh now days. The second of all is fascination. You see, I can’t for the life of me understand why grown women act the way you do. I really can’t. As for the third reason, it’s because I was raised to denounce bullies, not be one. I sincerely hope you are raising your kids to do the same. But judging by your behavior, I can see it’s probably not the case. If anyone were making fun of your children the way you make fun of Ben’s, you’d rip their throats off, with good reason. And yet, you act like a bully towards three young children simply because you’re mad their dad got married without asking you first. Your first reason is also why I read your blogs: trying to find out what you see that I obviously don’t and for a laugh: you are as good at predicting what we are going to say as we know what you are going to say and I don’t mind a laugh at my own expense. Happy to make you laugh. The fact that we can predict exactly what you’re going to say isn’t looking good for you. After 4 years, you guys could at least make the effort to come up with something remotely credible. That also covers the second reason. As for your third reason: I raise my kids not to be bullies but to use their own minds and have their own opinions. And allow others the same without getting mad or insulting about it. What you guys are doing is not having an opinion. Calling someone a whore, a criminal and a fraud is bullying. So is referring to young children as “pillows”. Saying you don’t like what Sophie is wearing is an opinion. Refusing to even call her by her name is also bullying. You’re an adult, how can you not see the difference?  And if someone thinks my kids are not real and refers to them as pillows, that is their business, I would shrug my shoulders. Really? I find this hard to believe. And if it makes anyone happy: the kids I have seen with Ben have always been cuties and looked sweet. I’ve always said so. That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t think they are his. Have you seen the same pictures as me? Because they both look exactly like him. But then again, I don’t wear hate goggles. As soon as anything happens that convinced me that the kids are real, I’ll start calling them by their names. At this point, I’m fairly certain you’ll never admit you were wrong. Ben could come to your house with family in tow, and you’d still deny they’re real. As for Ben getting married without my permission, no one needs my permission to get married so there is no need to ask. Feel free to do so but there is no need. And yet somehow, you fell the need to deny the existence of the family he wanted for so long. If you decided that something was wrong because of red lines painted on pictures, then you’re either incredibly gullible or jealous.

I know you’re going to say it doesn’t count because there is no children, but answer me this: why do fake children have birth certificates? Because faking them is damn near impossible. Some say there are certificates, some say there aren’t. I haven’t checked myself. I don’t know how hard it is to report a birth when there hasn’t been one or if that even happened. I’ll leave that to the wilder theorists out there. There are people who live in England who describe what it takes to register the birth of your child. People, who unlike Gator and Anna, knows what they’re talking about. Apparently, you’d need to bribe at least 70 persons to fake a birth certificate. Imagine doing this 3 times over. Gator has seen the certificate for Kit. Of course, she declared it fake and made up sources to confirm her lies.

So to resume this letter, if you want me to stop calling out your shitty behavior, then stop acting like a bitch towards complete strangers who have never done anything to you. It will also have the added bonus of making your life better. Thanks for the advice. But then, why are you so fanatical about strangers you have never met? Not to mention the things you call the skeptics whom you have also never met and who discuss people you have never met. The difference is that I call out people based of actual evidence, not based on jealousy or entitlement. As I said, bullies need to be called out, and you are one.

I’ll relay your message to Anna. I hope I have answered all your questions. I think we have to agree to disagree. I think it’s very clear that you’ve chosen to keep denying the facts. Honestly, have you ever wondered how a story like the one you’ve made up could be kept out of the news? One the septics sent their “evidence” to the National Enquirer and was turned down. Given how many people you’d have to involve in a conspiracy like this, it’s impossible no one would have talked by now. Your narrative has plot holes the size of a dinosaur, but somehow, you seem to ignore them completely.

Sincerely,

Mom Anon Thank you for answering me and not be mean or insulting. I wish I could say that all of your fellow haters were the same. I hope that one day you’ll come to your senses.

[celticheartedfangirl]

Some commentary on the S4 Episode of OUAT -- The Apprentice . . . .

I wanted to unpack this episode, and my feelings about it, to accompany @sieben9’s watching of it, and thought this would be better than reblogging their post.  They know that I’m posting this, and are aware that it will be snarky, bitchy, and negative, so please don’t go pestering their inbox with “oh don’t listen to that bitch, she’s a bitch” because A) they KNOW THIS already (it’s not a fact I’ve hidden from ANYONE) and B) again – they know I’m making this post instead of reblogging theirs and that it’s not going to be all glee and squee.  

This episode is one I have never revisited.  (To be fair, I’ve not revisited MOST of the episodes from S4 on.)  But this one is forever seared onto my brain.  This is a LONG POST so under the cut . . . . .

 This episode was a turning point for me for 4 reasons:

 1)      I got a CLEAR PICTURE of what trajectory Rumbelle was on (as a pairing AND as individual characters) and I wasn’t happy

2)      I got a CLEAR PICTURE of the Hook trajectory and again – I wasn’t happy

3)      What VERY LITTLE remaining respect and/or admiration I retained for Adam and Eddy (which was not much at this point) VANISHED after this episode aired

4)      This episode forever changed the fandom dynamic for me

Now . . . . . let’s unpack this and start with #1 . . . . Rumbelle.

Rumbelle had just gotten married, and up until this point, aside from E1 with the dance (which to ME, although it was lovely and wonderful, also screamed “HEY!!!! FROZEN FANS JUST NOW WATCHING!  LOOK! IT’S BEAUTY AND THE BEAST!  YOU KNOW THEM!!!!”), we’ve gotten pretty much NOTHING for them.  So . . . . . . . let’s chat about the dock scene.

 Yes, that DELETED DOCK SCENE.  This one right here:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELkuD6zpZ2U

And look at that – not even cleaned up.  Which tells me that A&E decided to CUT THIS SCENE – this 37 second scene that they could NOT SPARE 37 SECONDS FOR – before they even started the editing process. Because otherwise – this would be a cleaned up scene.

And we wouldn’t even know it EXISTED if it hadn’t been for the fact that it was an outdoor scene and there were a FUCK TON of people on site that day taking photos.  

LOOK AT ALL THE BTS:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95364011977/attackontaetan-emilie-de-ravin-robert-carlyle 

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95373664507/you-guys-this-episode-wont-air-until-october-19

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95364068497/betsypaige22-thatravenclawbitch

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95373377122/tjmystic-rumbelleotp-on-scene-pics-update

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95396861777/scififantasytv-robert-emilie-filming-aug-20

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95397126162/ouatwholock-august-20th-4x04-filming-x-i

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95395846932/vicieinatv-aaaaah-kiss-rumbelle

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95327102332/myaussiebelle-rumplestiltskin-rumbelle

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95327345502/fairytaleasoldastime-emilie-de-ravin-and-robert

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95320025497/delintthedarkone-itssandgirl-can-i-just-say

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95327073767/lulices-rumbelle-cuddling

And of course, my personal favorite:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95468578777/mrgoldsdearie-ouatcrack-he-does-things-to

I’d say I’m sorry for that last one but . . . . I’m really not so . . . .

Anyhow . . . the Rumbelle fandom was so excited about this scene.  Cause we’d had these BTS photos for WEEKS . . . and then they just . . . . CUT IT . . .

And Adam posted it on Twitter two weeks later because the Rumbelle fandom had a collective shit fit directed at him and he basically wanted to shut us the hell up.

And this all makes me wonder . . . .  what ELSE had they filmed up to this point that we’ll never see?  Because it’s OBVIOUS that at some point, between Episode 1 and Episode 4 – they changed the trajectory of what the had in store for Rumple, Belle, and Rumbelle.

Why, you ask?  Well first of all – don’t forget that in E2, they cut that scene with Rumple and Henry.  A scene that Bobby GUSHED ABOUT at SDCC (starts at 1:40):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqYngk_12Sw

Also Bobby talked about Rumple being ADDICTED TO MAGIC several times at SDCC.  Here’s one example (mentions it at the end):  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OCtgv4nX24

So . . . . . what we’re seeing to this point is so far TWO significant scenes that show Rumple as a caring human being have been CUT, one of them before the editing process even began.

And if they’re telling an addiction story . . . . . they’re sure as fuck not SHOWING US that here. They’re showing us Rumple being shady and an asshole . . . . but they’re not showing us addiction.  And even though Bobby is PLAYING IT that way . . . . . most viewers don’t do subtle.  The narrative must CLEARLY and UNEQUIVOCALLY TELL US that this is, in fact, what is going on.  And it doesn’t.  

Also – Belle has BARELY been on, and when she has been, it’s with Rumple.  I mean . . . . . gee, it’s like they don’t know what to DO with her without Rumple . . . . . . amazing that the fandom, at this point, has LOTS of ideas . .  . but the people who get paid for it?  Nothing.

So anyhow – that’s point ONE.

Onto point TWO . . . .

By now, we get it. They want Hook front and center. He is their pet, they want to go with Captain Swan.  Okay. But here’s another instance of “SHOW DON’T TELL.”  Having Hook follow Emma around like a lost puppy and just standing there isn’t TELLING. And also Emma has already had scenes with Regina and Elsa so far this season that show WAY more chemistry than any of the schmoopy shit they’re giving us with Emma and Hook.  

But here’s the kicker – instead of – you know – actually putting Hook on an actual, real, redemption arc – it just seems WAY easier to have him bully and blackmail Rumple (to get his HAND BACK so that he can play grab and tickle with his new boo without stabbing her, BTW) and make it look like RUMPLE is the baddie and Hook is just trying to be a good guy.  Basically they’re tearing down Rumple to prop up Hook.  Instead of showing Rumple’s struggle with addiction and Hook’s struggle with dealing with all the criminal shit he’s done in the past – THIS is the path they’re going with.  This is a disservice to BOTH characters.  And this episode, combined with the aforementioned factors, told me that yup, we’re doing this.  Because . . . .

Point THREE . . . . .

These writers are lazy as fuck and don’t want to be bothered writing complexity for literally ANYONE. Let’s not even discuss my issues with the Rumple trajectory.  Let’s look at Emma and her stupid little Pink Sandra Dee dress and the Charmings fawning over their damn date with a polaroid camera.

Who ARE these people? Did someone do a body swap with the Charming family?  Because that was some serious OOC shit, and for what?  To PROP UP HOOK.  So not only are they making Rumple an ass to prop the pirate, they’re making Emma and her parents into people I don’t recognize.  Because A&E are gross and seem to think that a woman must look and act a ‘certain way’ in order for a manly man like Hook to want to date her.  (I swear there’s some quote out there about “Hook makes Emma feminine” or some shit like that post-this episode.  Anyone have that link?)

Can you say misogynist?

And FOUR . . . . fandom . . . . . *sigh*

First of all, and example of post-episode banter from the pro Hook brigade:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/101264943652/killian-wasnt-making-a-death-threat-against

So that was fun.  Now let’s move onto the Rumbelle fandom and a variety of commentary:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100465938827/so-it-doesnt-bother-you-that-while-gold-is

http://pamchenko-twist.tumblr.com/post/100272360750/mentemmortalia-if-the-writers-want-to-turn

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100460351767/so-are-they-cutting-that-cute-little-romantic

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100466470197/you-are-not-a-real-rumbeller-please-leave-your

http://thestraggletag.tumblr.com/post/100604059906/somewhat-pessimist-mini-rant-below-more-i

http://pamchenko-twist.tumblr.com/post/100608988655/charmedrumbelle-cartoonjessie

So the above is a mix of positive, negative, and general frustration.  

But THESE were the kicker for me (this is ME):

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100499172547/thatravenclawbitch-spottytonguedog

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100497962147/you-know-what-i-dont-know-what-is-more-hurtful

This is kind of the beginning of my PERSONAL trajectory within the fandom  . . . . . . . FYI . . .

This was the point where I realized that I was watching a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHOW than about half of the fandom . . . . . . . .

All of the above posts were written post-episode 4.  

So I walked away from E4 frustrated about Rumple, Belle, Rumbelle, the propping of Hook, the shitty writers and their inability to write a complex story, and the obvious to me early beginnings of the breakdown of the Rumbelle fandom.  

Of course I had no idea what was coming, nor am I going to say because I know @sieben9 is spoiler free.

I just wanted them (and others who may have come in late in the game) to have a full grasp of WHY this episode, which in hindsight probably isn’t THAT BAD, was a turning point for me and many others.  Cause I know I��m not alone.

On the PLUS SIDE . . . . . we did get some lovely dock scene fan art:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100698762707/spottytonguedog-delintthedarkone-the-lost

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/101345237832/retrogrlfan-rip-docks-scene

And some ‘let’s make fun of Hook’ stuff which is always amusing:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100594138302/winterelf86-mathematicaltardistime-this-is-a

Look, I obviously kept watching the show.  But this episode?  It was just NEVER THE SAME FOR ME after this.  

[tmnt-l0ver]

What they look for in a best friend

It has come to my attention that a lot of headcannons are related to the turtles and their Significant Other. So I figured I would write up some for what I think they would like in more of a friend! (Thanks to @dragonslover1 for the help with Leo!)

Leo:

Leo would definitely gravitate to a very down-to-earth personality. Someone who is very in touch with themselves and their environment. Meditation is a very important part of his routine and it helps him calm down a lot. Being able to read him and pull him into a meditation session to calm down, or just to chill, would be a regular thing. Otherwise he will stew all day and become snappy.

Once he is calm tho he’s the kind of guy to just kick back and watch TV. He gets really excited when watching MMA or UFC fights and will yell at the screen and critique fighting styles. “OH COME ON, YOU COULD’VE BLOCKED THAT!” “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! HE WAS OPEN!!” “YOU’RE LETTING ME DOWN, MAN!” In the heat of a match will totally make bets on who he thinks will win. Being equally interested in these things is a major plus.

(and I quote): “SOMEONE WHO WOULD LISTEN TO HIM OH MY GOD”. Finally you would have to be an extraordinary listener. As the leader he has a lot on his shoulders and letting him vent/being his confidant would be the most important thing. Especially after fighting with his brothers.

Raph:

To be Raph’s friend you gotta be tough. A thick skin is a must when spending time with this big guy. Raph would admire a real “take no shit” attitude. If you’re not really the Jock type you’re going to have a hard time keeping up. Most of your time would be spent either working out, cracking skulls, or roasting each other over a game or drink. Being physically fit definitely works in your favor as wrestling and fighting are gonna happen.

Trust is very important to Raph as well, because more likely than not those roasting sessions eventually get REAL deep. You aren’t gonna see that side of Raph unless HE REALLY TRUSTS you. If you ever see it at all. Because of his anger issues, like Leo, your gonna want to be able to read him like a book and act accordingly. He’s mad? Punch this. Still mad? Let’s go beat up some baddies. Still mad after all that? Here’s a drink, hit the punching bag, what’s going on. And or, make a bet and physically challenge him, when he wins he’ll be guaranteed in a better mood.

That said, Being His friend is all about support. You got his back and he’s got yours. No matter what. There’s no 50/50. In the beginning, Even when he’s wrong, you gotta back him up. He’ll appreciate it. Eventually when you call him out later he’ll be less likely to act defensively. “Raph, you know I got your back man, just want you to know this is a shit idea and you’re gonna get us killed.” “Shut Up” (thanks dude) It’s a ride or die friendship.

Mikey:

Literally everyone is Mikey’s friend. There’s not too many qualifications when it comes to hanging out with this dude. If you’re interested in just being around the guys, you’re “besties”. This means a lot of video games, pizza, and skateboarding. Late night texting memes.

But actually becoming his Best friend can be a little tricky. You’ll find out if you hang out with him for a while, he doesn’t talk about his interests on more than a basic level. Partially because he’s the youngest, partially because no one has ever taken him or his interests seriously. Mikey has a lot of walls built up due to his insecurities. Getting through them is damn near impossible unless you have an IN.

Though I feel like that “IN” would be a shared creativity. Whether you are into music, writing, or visual arts. BONUS POINTS if you are into cooking. That’s something Mikey would really resonate with. Knowing that he might have someone to actively share interests with would be one of the most important steps in taking down those walls. He’ll start sharing more and more with you as kind of a way to get the affirmation he was seeking. While listening is important, sharing yourself with him would be what brings you two closer. The more time you spend talking, the more open he gets. This could mean just ranting to each other while playing videogames for hours at a time. After a while he won’t have anymore doubt that you actually want to be friends with him, and not just hanging out with him because you hung out with his brothers. Once this happens he opens up real fast. To an outside eye Mikey is just as jovial as ever, but having someone to actually share his joy with would increase it tenfold.

Once all his walls are down there are NO boundaries. You have to be ok with talking ALL the time, anywhere doing anything, about anything and EVERYTHING. 2am: *sands a pic of dragon fruit* “dude what the fresh hell are these fruits and how do I eat them”. I mean EVERYTHING. If Mikey is seeing someone, when he’s not with them he’s telling you Every little detail about his love life. Be prepared for TMI.

Donnie:

Your friendship will be immedate if you already have a knowledge of computers or engineering. If you ask an in-depth questions about what he’s doing, even once, you’re already one of his faves. Showing an interest in his work and taking time to just actively listen or try to understand is sooo refreshing. More than likely he will start addressing you over his brothers when giving details because he knows you’re listening.

You would be the only one allowed in the lab/shop without his supervision. It’s a huge weight off his shoulders to have someone who knows what they’re doing help him with projects. Consider yourself his new lab assistant because he has a checklist of things that need to get done. He’s naturally more inclined towards someone with a sarcastic/dry sense of humor. Whitty banter has always been a forte of his so having a back and forth while working will be a nice change of pace.

Donatello tends to gravitate towards people who is very meticulous and detail oriented is as well. Lots of “Hey can you double check my math on this?” Or “Can you come look at this and tell me if you see ____?”. He enjoys the company while pulling all-nighters. Also definitely reaps the benefits of having someone else do a late night coffee run. Being Donnie’s friend is more about the company than anything else.

Oddly enough I think Donnie would be the only brother who doesn’t really need an outlet to vent to. While appreciated, he usually rambles whatever is in his brain into dead air regardless. He is Exasperatingly honest with whatever is going on in his head and critically analyzes almost to a fault. This can cause him to veer off course often so reminding him of what he was doing is greatly appreciated.

(these we’re really fun and I’m Definitely planning to do more in the future!)

[fridakolosseum]

I Made Something! And then got Ideas.... probably not good.

You know how you get souvenir t-shirts from places you visit?  Well... I do sometimes... and I have been wanting a Maiden Creek shirt!! Because it’s funny.  So I got online and MADE one!! Haha!  I’m real you guys.

 It came in the mail yesterday and below is a pic me wearing it!

So when i say I made one.... I mean I had to make MORE than one (like 9 because there was a minimum order haha)  So... i sat there at the computer - tapping my fingers like Jack Robinson thinking in his car at the end of Unnatural Habits.  Then came to the conclusion - shoot - I know people who would take a few of these off my hands, and if not I will give them to people I know and just provide a very vague explanation of why I have them and never do this again. [shrug]

THEN.... I tapped my fingers some more.... (oh Hey @hello-beaniebeanie)

I can’t go to the Con this year.  I have a trip planned already and it bums me out because it’s not even very far from me and i want to meet people. Its such a great fan base.  Seriously! You all know this.  But it would be fun to make some sort of creative contribution and I have other shirt Ideas...  and if people wanted them, I would make them and people could get them ahead of time on etsy or whatever.  I haven’t seen a ton of “quote” shirts out there for MFMM...

Like this one.... 

Which makes me laugh every time I think about that scene.  And this. girl. IS on fi-re!! Or....

and I would wear it to the gym because ... obvious reasons. OR...

These are bad pics I know because they are prototypes.  sorry. 

My thought was to use quotes that MFMM fans would totally recognize but you didn’t have to explain to other people.  Regular people would be like - “oh, cute.”  MFMM fans would come up to you and hold your hand!!

This is one of my favorites below... I’d wear this one to bed with comfy gray pj pants.

I have other ideas too... but if you want a Maiden Creek tank - those are real.  Message me and I’ll tell you how we can do this.  I have those at my house.  And I have no intention of making a profit on them.  

If you like the other designs? Give me some feed back.   T-shirt fit is really squirrelly but the cut of these tanks are flattering, not too tight  and you can wear them under things (hoodie, blazer, sweater).  But REALLY ...I just want everyone to look cute at the Con and when i see pics online i will be all “Hey!  There is one of the tanks! OMG so fun!! I love these people!!” If enough people were interested.

Ok here’s one more. #metoo! Damn Straight!

xoxox!

[exxar1]

Chapter 12: “The Solitary In Families”

3/9/2021

- 1 -

          Last week, one of my Facebook friends posted a Lent devotional that was centered around Psalm 68. The title caught my eye as I scrolled through my feed. “God Sets The Lonely In Families.” That phrase grabbed me, and, after reading the short devotional (which was quite good), I opened my Bible app and looked up Psalm 68.  Verses 5 & 6 made me pause.

           “A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitation. God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.” (NKJV)

            The verse that my friend quoted was from the NIV, and it had substituted the word ‘lonely’ for ‘solitary’. God sets the lonely in families.

            As I announced in my New Year’s resolutions back in December, one of my goals for 2021 was to join a church. Unfortunately, due to the current pandemic restrictions still in place in this blue communist state of Nevada, my Google search only turned up the larger churches with congregations of more than a thousand. Thanks to a recent battle with the Nevada supreme court, COVID restrictions were eased in December to allow group meetings of no larger than 250 or 25% of the allowed legal capacity of any one place. (Or something to that effect. All I remember from the headlines was that this was a victory for local churches.)

             However, the two Baptist churches that Pastor Sjostrom and I thought might be a good fit for me – based solely on the info from their websites – were only offering the live stream option. Their auditoriums were – and are – still closed for in-person services. So, for all of January, I contented myself with enjoying Grace Baptist’s live stream from Twin Falls, Idaho, every Sunday morning in my pajamas, with my coffee and my Bible close at hand.

             But then, one Saturday morning, as I unlocked my front door, I saw a small flyer tucked into the bars of my outer screen door. It was from a small Baptist church right in my neighborhood. From the brief outlines of introductory info on the card, it appeared to be exactly what I was looking for! I immediately plopped on the couch, woke up my MacBook, and pulled up the church’s website. The info there was even more encouraging, so I emailed the pastor. I introduced myself, asked him if he was holding in-person services, and if so, I would love to come visit.

              I didn’t hear back from him. The first week of February passed, and every day I would check my junk mail folder several times to make sure I hadn’t accidently missed his reply. So I emailed him again, and this time I caught his response the following morning. This church was indeed holding in-person services, and the pastor said he would love to see me that following Sunday. I emailed him back with a couple other questions based on the info from his website, and he responded later that day. His answers were what I had been hoping to hear, so I told him I would see him on Sunday!

              Now, I’m going to pause here, and tell you something you already know about me – both from my previous blog entries and those of you who know me in real life. But, for those who don’t know me, or haven’t read my previous posts (and why wouldn’t you? My journey started back in September of last year. You should start there as well, or a lot of this isn’t going to make sense. Why would you start a book in the middle anyway?), let me tell you something important about me.

              I’m an introvert of the highest order. My current rank is Grand Admiral. I really don’t like people, especially when I’m forced to meet and interact with total strangers in anything more than the cursory “Hi, how are you, how can I help you?” part of my daily job. My work doesn’t require me to actually get to know strangers and befriend them. Nor do I really want to. At least, I didn’t used to want to. (Again, read my previous posts on being born again and God’s changing of my old attitudes.) And yes, I have been more cordial and polite with the people that have crossed my path every day in the last few months, and there are a small number of them that I have chatted with enough to get to know them somewhat. Turns out not everyone is as annoying or uninteresting as I used to think.

               But (and this is a big ‘BUT’), there’s a HUGE difference between helping a customer at work and strolling into a totally strange place with a strange crowd on Sunday morning and having no idea whom I will meet or what I’ll find there. Forget butterflies. I get a damn fleet of moths, lizards, birds – basically a whole frakkin’ jungle of nerves in my stomach – just thinking of doing something so extroverted as that! And that’s not much of an exaggeration. I’m like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. I have my customary spot on the couch that no one else is allowed to sit on, and I don’t like large, unknowable social situations or interactions.

               But, unlike my old life, I had no choice here. God was giving me my first real test. Hey, son, I know you don’t like this, but this is necessary, and I’ll be with you the whole time. You know that.

                “Yeah, God, I know. But do I really have to? I can just keep watching Grace Baptist’s live stream every Sunday, and I don’t have to leave the comfort of my house. I don’t even have to get out of my pajamas! I’ll just wait until one of those larger churches opens up, and then I’ll go. I promise!”

                 Umm…no. You need to do this. Now, go.

                 “Ugh! Fine.”

                 So I did. And, truth be told, I was looking forward to it, but I was so, SO nervous and anxious that second Sunday in February. (Which was, by coincidence, Valentine’s Day.) And, of course, it turned out to be better than I had been expecting. The pastor was quite warm and welcoming, and he gave me a short tour of the cozy, one story building. (He wasn’t kidding in his email. This church was indeed small – both in physical size and in congregation.) The service went great, the preaching was rather good, and I left for work afterwards feeling very excited, hopeful, and spiritually nourished.

                 See? God said. I told you you would be fine. And this will get even better as you keep putting yourself out there until I let you know if this is the right family for you.

                  I replied with a short prayer of thanks and then ordered my usual iced coffee from the Dunkin app on my phone while waiting at the red light.

                  He was right, as usual. In the last three weeks, as I’ve spent more time with the pastor, and as I’ve gotten to know his small flock, I have felt even more keenly the working of the Holy Spirit within me. God wasn’t kidding when he commanded his believers in the New Testament to gather themselves together in order to spiritually nourish and sustain one another. It’s also been nice to get out of my introverted shell and meet new people. It’s not enough yet to change my ranking in that highest order of introverts – I’m still calling myself Grand Admiral of the Lonely yet Happy Brigade – but it’s a start. I will be probably be demoted to captain in the near future.

                  Which brings me back around to Psalm 68. Yes, I’ve been keenly aware of my loneliness for the past several weeks. Or rather, God has made me feel keenly aware of my loneliness. I have had a strong desire to be placed within a new family, and, until just a few days ago, I had hoped that this pastor and his very young church would be the family that I was seeking.

                 It turns out that God may have a different, better family in mind for me.

 - 2 -

           There’s a couple reasons I haven’t told you the name of the pastor or his church. Those of you that follow me on Facebook will know, and I was probably premature in my post a couple weeks ago about the one night I joined this pastor and some of his congregation for an hour of street preaching. But since this blog is probably going to reach a wider audience than just my family and friends on Facebook, I’m now reluctant to give specific names here because of what I’m about to say next.

           The other reason that I’m not naming names is because I will probably not be staying with this church (hereto after referred to as Church #1). The main reason for that is because, as I have listened to the pastor’s preaching (hereto after referred to as Pastor #1) for the last three Sundays, I’ve heard some points and/or comments that have caused a few warning blips on my spiritual radar. Pastor #1 asked us during his sermon a couple weeks ago where in Genesis did we think that Lucifer’s fall occurred. The general consensus from the congregation was in the first chapter. The pastor confirmed this by saying that it happened between Genesis 1:1 and 1:2.

           “Does God make anything that is not perfect?”

Well, no, of course not.

“So then why does verse 1 state that God created the heaven and the earth, and then verse 2 says the earth was without form and void?”

           Wait. Say what again?

           Yeah. Apparently, Pastor and Church #1 believe that God had created a perfect earth and heaven, and then Lucifer’s fall destroyed that first paradise and God had to start all over again.

           Ummmmm. Yeah, that’s not how I read verses 1 and 2, nor was that what I was taught at Grace Baptist Church when I was a kid. Although God does not say specifically anywhere in the Bible, it is believed by most theologians and pastors that Lucifer’s fall occurred between chapters 2 and 3 of Genesis. The proper way to read Genesis 1:1 and 2 is that verse 1 is a statement of the end result, and verse 2 begins the story of how God created that end result stated in verse 1.

           That’s the biggest warning blip thus far. Some examples of minor blips:

1) Pastor #1 used the verse of 1 Kings 18:28, which talks about the prophets of Baal, “And they cried aloud, and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancets, till the blood gushed out upon them”, as proof that God does not approve of Christians getting tattoos. Doesn’t matter what kind of tattoo, they’re all a sin. (You’ve all seen the pic on my Facebook page of the tattoo of the cross and date that I had done last month as a way to commemorate my salvation.)

2) Pastor #1 is not a fan of C.S. Lewis or The Chronicles of Narnia. In his opinion, the fact that Lewis used the half-goat, half-man creature as one of the main Narnian characters proves that Lewis was not a true Christian. The faun – who was named Pan in Greek mythology – is actually one of the many symbols of Satan. (And, apparently, the English word ‘panic’ comes from the Greek root word of the name of that mythological character.) Also, for that matter, is the symbol of the fish that many people put on the bumpers and rear windows of their car. That symbol is actually connected to the pagan god Dagon. (No, I promise I’m not making any of this up.)

3) Pastor #1 believes that Hell is actually at the center of the earth. This was from a sermon three weeks ago, and it was mentioned in passing with no specific scriptural passage to back up such a claim. I’m fairly certain, however, that there is no Biblical proof for such a bold statement.

4) This pastor is also a vehement opponent of ‘Christian rock’. Now, this isn’t a big deal to me, as there are many Baptist denominations that believe Christian music should be separate from anything that sounds like secular rock music, so I wasn’t surprised when this comment came up in a sermon two weeks ago. (Also, Grace Baptist is a church that has always held this view. I had many, many arguments with my parents about my love for Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith and Steven Curtis Chapman when I was in high school.) I only bring this point up here to show how dogmatic Pastor #1 is turning out to be.

              I should also note here that Pastor and Church #1 believe that the ONLY acceptable translation of the Bible is the 1611 King James version. All other translations (NKJV, NIV, NLT, etc.) are false and pervert the true Word of God. This belief is something new to me, and I asked Pastor #1 about this stance in my second email to him after he responded to my introductory email to let me know that his church was hold in-person services. He listed and quoted a few verses from both the Old and New Testaments, including Revelation 22:18-19 where God says no one shall add or take away from the scriptures, lest their names be removed from the Book of Life. (Which is what all other translations, especially newer ones supposedly do when they substitute specific words or phrases in order to match modern English in order to make the Bible more readable and accessible for today’s generation.)

               I’m not sure that I totally agree with this belief. I was raised on the King James version, and, therefore, those words are what have stuck in my memory all these years from the verses that I had to memorize in Sunday School and the various other youth programs that I was involved in throughout my childhood. And, now, as I have begun to re-read the Bible, I really love the poetic beauty and the formality of the old English.

                However, I am also reading the MacArthur Study Bible which is published in the New King James version, and it is a little easier to read, especially the Old Testament, where specific phrases and idioms have been updated to be a little more closer to modern English. In his introduction of that Bible, John MacArthur states that when the NKJV Bible was first being produced in the late seventies (it was first published in 1982 by Thomas Nelson), all translators had to sign a statement of integrity, faith and belief, saying essentially that they would remain faithful to the true Word of God, and that they would not change or omit any part of the scriptures that would in any way, no matter how small, alter the spirit and message of that Holy Word.

                  In my reading of the NKJV, I have not seen any huge difference between it and the KJV, other than that the former is a bit more readable, mainly because it doesn’t have a lot of the ‘thee’, ‘thou’, ‘begat’, and so on, that the KJV has. It’s only minor details like that that have been changed. Also, the translators of the NKJV used the same original, preserved Hebrew and Greek manuscripts that were used by the translators under the reign of King James in the first decade of the 1600s.

                  So, to claim that ALL other translations except the original KJV are absolutely false and perverted is a bit of a stretch for me. It’s a little too dogmatic, but if that’s the only issue here, then I have no problem being part of a church family that holds this view. Unfortunately, due to the some of the other concerns I listed above, I feel that God is leading me away from Church #1. It appears that family is not where he wants to set me.

 - 3 -

           This past Sunday, as I drove home from Church #1, I felt very discouraged and, frankly, emotional. Why in the world would God lead me to this church only to tell me a month later that this wasn’t where He wanted me? I felt disappointed and despondent, and I called Dad as soon as I got home, unloading all of this on him in what he must have thought was some kind of breakdown. (And, in fact, I was near tears. That’s another thing about this whole sanctification process. My emotions lately have been living very close to the surface, and I never know what will set them off. Some days, all it takes is a cat food commercial or a particularly poetic verse in Psalms. Go figure.)

           My dad, to his immense credit, was able to talk me down from the ledge, and I felt much better after hanging up the phone. I took a nap, and then, as I was fixing a late lunch, I remembered something that Pastor #1 had mentioned to me when we were on the street corner a couple weeks ago. I was asking him about his church, specifically how he knew God was calling him to form his own church. He replied that he and his congregation separated from a church (hereto after referred to as Church #2) about six years ago after that church’s elderly pastor had passed away. Though Pastor #1 didn’t give a lot of details – and our conversation was constantly being interrupted as we handed out tracks to passers-by – it sounded to me like the separation was caused by the congregation’s vote to have someone else besides Pastor #1 lead them.

           After lunch, I Googled the name of Church #2. Their website looked promising  (yes, they too believe that the KJV is the only acceptable translation of the Bible, as well as all the other typical Baptist beliefs – i.e., Pro-life, the traditional Biblical views of marriage & sexuality, etc.), so I immediately emailed the pastor (hereto after referred to as Pastor #2) to ask if he was holding in-person services. He responded almost right away that his doors were indeed open, and the evening service was at 6. I told him I would be there.

           Once again, that whole jungle of critters and nerves was back in full force as I pulled into the parking lot of Church #2 (which was also in the same general of area of North Las Vegas as Church #1.) This church building was much larger than that of Church #1, and the congregation was very warm and welcoming. Within just a few minutes of chatting with Pastor #2, I learned that he was originally from Nampa, Idaho, and an alumni of Boise State University. Wow! Talk about a small world. When I told him that I, too, was a former BSU Bronco, he immediately called his wife over to introduce her and pass on the good news.

           My visit only got better from there. By the end of the night – which concluded with an ice cream social in the fellowship hall behind the auditorium – I had met, shook hands, and chatted at great length with no less than a dozen fellow believers, all around my age. From what I could estimate during the worship service, the size of the congregation appeared to be about a hundred and fifty, and there was a good mix of old, young and in between. (There was also a good number of elementary and high school age kids.) In many ways, this church reminded me of Grace Baptist back home, and I drove away feeling much more excited and spiritually refreshed. I said a quick prayer of thanks to God, and I really can’t wait for this upcoming Sunday morning service!

 - 4 -

           All of this church scouting has only intensified my homesickness for Grace Baptist Church back in Twin Falls. Ever since Aaron’s passing a few months ago, my mind has been wallowing in memories of my childhood within the halls of that church and its school there. What I had once upon a time despised in my adolescence and couldn’t wait to get away from I now yearn for with all my heart and soul.

           As a kid, there were two places I spent the majority of my time: home and church/school. If I wasn’t at one, I was at the other. My parents were married in Grace Baptist on June 18, 1977, and I arrived on the scene a year later. My earliest memory of Grace Baptist was the hideous shade of orange that was the carpet in the auditorium. It was a burnt orange that was most assuredly made only in the 1970s, and there were no pews at that time either. Instead, we all sat in plastic, yellow chairs that, to my amazement, are STILL being used in the gym for special events. (I sat in one at Aaron’s funeral, and boy, those things are NOT very comfortable after a half hour or so.)

            I have many fond recollections of me and my brothers tearing up and down the main hall of the church building, racing one another while waiting for our parents after evening church on Sundays. More often than not, we were scolded by one of the older ladies (I will not name names here, either, mainly just for privacy’s sake, not because I resent them now) who would order us to go find our parents. At one end of that hall is the nursery, and back then the door was separated in two so that the lower half could be closed while the upper half could remain open. In junior high, my friends and I would try to run and jump that door when just the lower half was closed. Again, one of the adults would scold us as they walked by.

           More often than not, my brothers, friends and I would be out on the school playground during Sunday afternoons when dad had choir practice before evening church. On one particular Sunday, my brother Jeremy and I were playing tag with a couple other boys, and Jeremy ran headlong into a steel bar at one end of the playground. He had been glancing behind him to see how close his opponent was, and he turned his head back around just in time to slam it into the bar which was at just the right height for his forehead. To this day, I can close my eyes and hear, as clearly as if it had happened only a few minutes ago, that sound of flesh, bone and steel. I was on the other side of the playground, and that THRANG! resonated like the peal from a steeple bell. It’s also the only time in my life that I have seen that much blood at once. Needless to say, mom and Jeremy spent that evening in the ER instead of church service.

           (Come to think of it, that was not Jeremy’s last bloody incident. He was around eight or nine, I believe, and during the remainder of his youth he would go on to experience the following: tearing up his face when he crashed headlong into the gravel of the alley behind our house while trying to jump a poorly constructed ramp on his dirt bike; shooting himself in the leg with a gun that one of his friends borrowed from the dad’s unlocked cabinet; breaking that same leg a year or so later during a soccer game – due, in part, to the way the gunshot wound had healed around the bone; and, finally, having his right foot shattered when the third baseman jumped to catch the ball and then landed on Jeremy’s foot with just right angle and weight as Jeremy slid into base. That incident occurred just last year, in fact. My brother has never been one to shy away from living life to the fullest, amen!)

           There were numerous weddings, funerals, high school graduations, afternoon potlucks, and other such events held within the halls of that church over the course of my childhood. When my second grade teacher, Miss Sherri Bohne (pronounced ‘Bonny’), was married, I asked her for a picture of her in her wedding dress. I thought it was the most beautiful gown ever, and I’m sure I still have that photo somewhere in an album in one of my closets. (Once again, it shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone when I emerged from the proverbial closet roughly twelve years later.) There were grade school plays, piano recitals, and high school choir performances that make up the bulk of both my fondest and cringiest memories. (I absolutely HATED the glasses that I had to wear for all of junior high and most of high school. I was never so happy as when my parents’ medical insurance finally allowed me to get contacts halfway through my sophomore year.)

           My dad believed that our family should be in church anytime the doors were open. Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday night youth group, Cubbies, Sparks, Awana, Vacation Bible School in the summers, week long special revival meetings throughout the year – you name it, we were there, front and center for every service and/or event. The only exceptions were if we happened to be out of town on our annual summer vacations. When I was a kid, I didn’t resent all this church attendance that much. Everything that was church – all the services, songs, rituals, preaching, teaching, Bible verse memorization, family devotionals every night before bedtime – it was normal life for me and my brothers. It was in my teen years that I really started to resent and dread all the weekly services and activities. And, especially, when I started to realize I was gay and I had to keep that a secret it was even harder to find a good reason for all this religious nonsense. I was never happier than when I left high school (no, never graduated, see previous posts), and I could finally be free of all that hogwash.

           Now, twenty-four years later, I feel much differently. I believe that, if we are truly lucky, the places where we grow up become part of us. Their essence weaves itself into the DNA of our very souls through the lifetime of memories and experiences that we carry with us, no matter where or how far we walk in the world. In 1998, when I was in the army and stationed in Hanau, Germany, there was a knock on the door of my barracks room one weekday evening. When I answered it, I found two gentlemen who were from a local non-denominational church. Their congregation was primarily U.S. service members from the base, and they invited me to their upcoming Sunday service. I agreed, though at the time, I couldn’t say exactly why. Looking back now, I know why. I was halfway around the world, very far from home and from almost anything familiar, and I was lonely. I had only just arrived at my posting, so I hadn’t yet become acquainted with my fellow soldiers.

           I attended that little church for only a few weeks. It was a taste of home that I had been desperately craving, and I sang along with the traditional hymns, allowing my childhood memories of Grace Baptist to comfort me. But, once I got settled into my new life on base, I no longer needed the weekly church service. I was fine without God once more, and I quit attending. I had better things to do on the weekends. A year later, after my courts-martial, when I arrived back home in Twin Falls, I continued my life without God or religion. Eventually, I found a place of my own, and I lived my life as I wanted. I finally came out to my friends and family, and charted my own course. I would occasionally attend Grace Baptist as a courtesy to my parents, but I hated every time that I had to cross that threshold. It dredged up nothing but bitter memories from high school, and I had to force a smile and a handshake whenever one of the older folks was happy to see me.

           You all know the rest of the story. While 2020 was the year that the world fell apart and went off the rails, it was the year that God woke me up and saved me. Back in January, when I started to watch the weekly service from GBC via the live stream on their Facebook page, I felt like I had come back home. The orange carpet and yellow chairs have been replaced by a lovely gray-blue flooring and more comfortable pews, but the spiritual essence is the same. For the last couple weeks, as I’ve attended church services here in Las Vegas, my homesickness has only intensified. I have been fortunate to reconnect with many of you from GBC through these blog posts, and I feel so blessed because of that. That’s what I miss most about Grace Baptist. My brothers and I weren’t reared by just our parents. We were brought up by a godly village of people who believed in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Boy, ain’t that the truth??? (This also, unfortunately, meant that it was a rare victory for me, my brothers, and my friends whenever we actually got away with some form of mischief or trouble.) Many of those ‘godparents’ have long since moved away from Twin Falls to serve the Lord in other ministries in other states, but their impact on my life is being felt anew. Others are still there, now teaching their grandchildren the same way they taught and nurtured me.

           I miss that church family terribly, and I yearn more than ever to find a family of that caliber here in Las Vegas. I sincerely hope that church #2 is it. But, if not, I know that God will eventually lead me where he wants to place me. It’s not His desire that anyone should be solitary for very long.

           Until then, I’m content to be Grand Admiral of the Lonely yet Happy in Christ Brigade.

           Okay, maybe just captain.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Unexpected Development - Chapter 8

Fic: Unexpected Development - Chapter 8 (AO3 Link)

Fandom: Flash Pairing: Mick/Len/Barry, Mick/Len (associated Mick/Barry, Barry/Len) Chapter 8 for Unexpected Development (Len)

Summary: “Sorry, kid,” Len says, sounding – and likely even being, knowing Len – sincere. “We gotta run, and it looks like you’re coming with us for a bit.”

“Oh crap,” the kid (Barry Allen, he said his name was) says.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Can you disarm the bombs in this area?” Len asks Charlie, nimbly evading the way Charlie keeps reaching out for his arm like he wants to link hands together. Like they’re on some sort of date.

Which – maybe in Charlie’s dreams. No way.

“I can do that for you, Len,” Charlie says, eyes shining.

“Good,” Len says. “I’ll go disarm the rest of ‘em in this area, tell the boys I’m double-checking them or something, and then I’ll –” ditch the hell out of you “– see what to do next.”

Charlie pouts. “I worry about you sometimes, Len,” he says. “You work too hard. Too much stress.”

“I thought you were supposed to stress meat,” Len says, because he can’t help himself sometimes.

“Only after it’s been prepared,” Charlie says indulgently. “See, this is why I like you so much – maybe we can discuss it at length later –”

Yeah, no.

Len makes his excuses to Charlie and then double-times it through his set of bombs – it takes barely any time at all, the bombs being almost pathetically easy to defuse – then head westward. He’s certain that Mick can keep an eye on Allen and Allen had definitely seemed smart enough to handle a few bombs; between the two of them, he can trust that that section will be handled, and Charlie – well, he doesn’t have to like Charlie to admit that, cannibalistic instincts aside, Charlie’s not totally incompetent. He’s certainly capable of handling the bombs, and he has no reason to double-cross Len.

Besides, Charlie knows how Len deals with people who double-cross him. He wouldn’t dare.

At any rate, the bombs are even more stupidly made than he’d hoped they might be. It has to be a Flash trap: even if the Flash wasn’t particularly expert with bomb defusing techniques, a voice in his ear could walk him through the basics - sure, there's a whole lot of them, but he could disable them all if he ran at top speed, or maybe a little faster, which fits in with Len's theory about it being about getting the Flash to go faster.

Len wonders for a moment how Mr. Banana knows that the Flash would have access to someone with the right expertise. Well, they probably went up against each other and Flash talked to his earpiece the way he had the first time Len had fought him, but bomb-defusing experience seems like a specialization that you wouldn’t think a hero would necessarily think to have on his team. As quick as the Flash is, Mr. Banana’s left him a hell of a short time frame to find an expert if he didn’t already have one.

Something to think about.

Now, however, is not the time to consider such questions. Len’s got a city to keep intact.

After all, this is his city.

The good part about the tunnels on the west side of the highway is that they extend out from where the raised central portion of the highway, under the mostly deserted slum buildings just adjacent to it. The tunnels go up until they’re basically nearly at surface level, under the highway and next to the buildings, so a bombing here would be bad but not catastrophic – far fewer structural supports to knock down.

Still, he’ll be damned if a single squatter loses his life to some stupid hero-obsessed villain. Not while Len’s around, no sir.

He makes it to the tunnels, which are already deserted – the people assigned to come here have already planted their bombs and gotten the hell out of dodge, which is fair – and he’s listening to the countdown clock in his head that tells him he has plenty of time, but he barely takes two steps into the main space when there’s a gigantic boom like thunder and he’s suddenly thrown back against the wall.

Ouch.

Okay, when did he end up lying on the floor? He doesn’t even remember that happening.

Len’s head hurts, and there’s dust everywhere. He’s a bit dazed, but not nauseous, which at least means he’s not concussed.

What just happened?

That couldn’t have been a bomb going off already: there was no heat. He's been Mick's partner long enough to know that much about explosions.

And also…

“I tawt I saw a puddy cat,” he says, blinking concrete dust out of his eyes and absolutely mangling the impression. “Or at least I think I saw Tweety Bird.”

He pushes himself up on his elbows painfully and sits up.

Len’s not in the tunnels anymore; or rather, one of the tunnels is now open to the sky, but not because of the dead bombs that lie scattered on the ground. And they are quite certainly dead, he can see that; these bombs have been ripped apart and their pieces scattered everywhere. They’re never going to grow up to be nice big explosions, and won’t Mick be sad about that? But they definitely aren’t the reason that there was now a big hole in the wall under the highway, letting the evening light – half fading sunlight, half glowing streetlights – shine in.

There’s another cause for that.

Len’s never actually seen Mr. Banana before, but there’s no doubt that the man standing before him, vibrating so fast that the air around him shivers like an optical illusion, is the one.

“Holy crap –” Len says.

Mr. Banana raises his head proudly and smirks.

“– that is the ugliest shade of yellow I’ve ever seen,” Len concludes.

Mr. Banana looks taken aback.

But seriously, damn. Tweety Bird would be ashamed to be associated with that color. Big Bird would teach the audience a very special lesson about embarrassment just to cover it. The Teletubbies would think it a step too far.

Len’s still a bit iffy on the whole ‘Mr. Banana’ name, but he’s got to admit that he can see the basis. He’d shoot him with the cold gun just on principle, except that it’s lying halfway across the street.

Len twitches a foot.

Looks like he's somehow got no other guns, either: not the spare he’d tucked in the small of his back or the secondary one strapped onto his ankle. Mr. Banana must have grabbed them when he’d rammed himself thought the tunnel wall like a human-sized super-fast sledgehammer and then threw Len across the room.

Probably doesn’t want Len interrupting him in the middle of his carefully planned out solo number. Len gets that.

Doesn’t mean he has to like it when it’s being done to him, but, well, he gets it.

Evil Overlord rules, you know.

(If Mick didn't want him to quote them, he shouldn't have given Len a copy for his birthday this year.)

“Well, well, Mr. Snart,” Mr. Banana says. His voice reverberates strangely. Vibrating his vocal cords, the way the Flash tried to do early on and then just sort of gave up on. Kind of adorable, actually. This guy clearly has more practice. “You have been an admirable enemy –”

“Have we even met?” Len asks, reaching for his pocket.

Mr. Banana smirks. “You don’t know me,” he says. “But I know you. I’ve seen the work you’ve been doing so far, and you've become quite an impressive adversary for the Flash despite not having any powers of your own."

Gee, thanks. Always nice to meet a fan.

"Unfortunately," Mr. Banana continues, lengthening his syllables into a disdainful drawl which is clearly ripped off from Len, "there’s a risk that you’ll interfere with my plans with the Flash, and that’s – what are you doing?”

“Texting,” Len says, typing on the phone he’s just pulled out. “Obviously.”

“What?!”

“I know, I know, I’m a bit old to be a millennial, right?”

“Put that away and listen to me!”

“Sure, mom,” Len says, clicking send.

There’s a burst of lightning.

Len blinks at the space where his phone was. His poor phone is currently being crushed to death in Mr. Banana’s hands. Mr. Banana’s mask is doing a poor job of hiding his irritation.

Len shrugs and pulls out another one.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Mr. Banana says with disgust.

Len holds up the phone and sets it to record. “Wait, lemme get a pic before you destroy this one,” he says. “Don’t worry, feel free to monologue; I swear I’m listening.”

Mr. Banana seems to be contemplating destroying Len's phone again, and possibly adding some pain for Len into the mix in the process; he crosses his arms and glares death at Len as he considers how bad the pain's going to be.

“Lemme guess,” Len drawls, intimately familiar with how to distract people in that sort of mood. “‘Put that phone away this instant, young man, or I’ll kill you even more dead than I was already planning to?’”

Mr. Banana struggles with rage for a moment – his eyes do this thing where they glow even more red and start crackling with sparks of lightning a bit, very Sith-lord – before he manages to rein it and smirk.

“I suppose you have a point,” he says agreeably, in the way rich people do when they think they have the upper hand and decide that they’re going to be all generous about it, just to rub it in.

If he survives, Len is going to find this asshole’s house and rob it, just out of spite.

It can’t be that hard to find. Look at this guy’s preferred color scheme! Definitely one in a million – his house has got to be the most garish collection of no-taste rich-guy stuff imaginable.

Len bets he has a chandelier.

Len's totally going to Phantom of the Opera the shit out of it.

“So, what’ve I been doing that’s been pissing you off so much?” Len asks. “Sorry, I wasn’t actually listening earlier.”

That gets an actual eye-twitch.

He didn’t even know that was a thing real people did.

“Captain Cold,” Mr. Banana says. “Your exploits against the Flash are impressive –”

“What time?” Len inquires, quite seriously. “The time I let his friends scare me off with a vacuum cleaner or the time he kicked my ass up and down the street? Really, I want to know; I’m keeping a ranking list on my wall and I can’t seem to decide which one should be number one.”

Mr. Banana probably thinks he’s joking, but Len really does have a list.

“They will be,” Mr. Banana says impatiently. “But I have decided that your interference in the Flash’s timeline is an unacceptable risk to my plans. As is such, regardless of my respect for you, I’ve decided to end your life. Are you listening now?”

Len’s brain processes the words that just got spoken, but he ends up with nothing but question marks and blue screens of death and gibberish. Nothing that just came out of Mr. Banana’s mouth makes any sense, but it also doesn’t seem particularly useful for the time being either, and therefore he’s going to put his questions aside for contemplation at a time when his life isn’t imminently in danger.

“You do realize I’m stalling for time, right?” Len asks instead.

He’s not too sure. Maybe Mr. Banana is like Charlie and thinks they’re having an actual conversation or something.

Mr. Banana smirks. “Your little friend won’t be able to help you –” he starts.

Len’s jaw drops.

Mr. Banana checks behind him. It’s a barely noticeable motion, but it’s there.

Ah, glorious paranoia.

Very useful – to the person trying to fuck with you.

“No, no,” Len says soothingly. “No ambush yet, relax. I’m just – that’s the first time anyone’s called Mick my ‘little’ friend. Have you met him?”

He gestures a bit with his free hand, a vague outline of ‘very large and intimidating man who is hardly little in any respect’. He adds in a 'if you know what I mean' gesture because really, Mick deserves it, and also it makes Mr. Banana look vaguely like he's bitten into a lemon.

Mr. Banana looks like he's going to say something - Len's really hoping for it to be a lecture on having some more class as a supervillain, he's always wanted to hear one of those - but speak of the devil and he appears.

Mick bursts through the tunnel entrance, heat gun at ready, but he’s still too far away to help if Mr. Banana decides to skewer Len. Allen’s at his heels, eyes wide in horror.

“No!” Allen shouts, even as Mick’s eyes narrow and take in the scene.

Len feels vaguely bad about that, actually. Poor, pretty little hostage – bad enough that the mission went south, but he shouldn’t have to see people who flirted with him die.

Assuming Len does die, of course. Len’s not quite willing to concede on that yet.

Mr. Banana’s face stretches into a smirk, like he was waiting for the audience to arrive for the grand finale.

There’s something’s ticking in Len’s brain.

Something he’s missed, though he’s not sure what.

Mick’d probably know in a minute; he’s always been better with people than Len, even if Len is better at plans and strategies and such.

Hell, Mick probably does already know – he’s been smirking it up like crazy the last few hours.

What is it?

“I do apologize, Mr. Snart –” Mr. Banana says, and Len’s been in enough fights – and watched enough bad movies – to know that Mr. Banana is gearing up for the final murder sequence, and all Len’s got is a bunch of bruises and no guns.

Oh, and his camera phone, still recording.

“–but I’m afraid our time – that is, your time – is up at last,” Mr. Banana says, eyes bright and his tone gloating. He holds up his hand and starts vibrating it as fast as a circular saw, which is a hell of a murder method if Len’s ever seen one, and he steps forward and –

His face when a lacey red bra smacks him right in the face is priceless.

And that would be the other ambush Len had planned via a little community chatting.

Len grins at his phone.

God bless the Internet.

[kittensjonsa]

Some thoughts on season 7 plot leaks, general GOT, jonerys and Jonsa (Meta)

Hi, first of all I wanted to say thank you for your tumbrl. It’s always full of nice and positive quotes, articles and metas. I’m a sucker for ships, I guess I just like to see people happy. Jonsa has quickly become one of my favorite ships. I don’t have a tumbrl or any real platform to express my opinions about it but if you allow me I would like to share some of my thoughts with fellow shippers. 

Well, first I have to say I didn’t watch GOT since the beginning, actually I started watching after season 6 was out. My first introduction to the show was a clip of jonsa, I thought it was the clip of a couple and then I read they were siblings (this was confusing and disturbing…. until the pilot, I’m talking to you J/C). If you want to keep watching GOT you have to get over incest issues or…. family sexual intercourse, so I got over it. Then I watched the whole show, I haven’t read the books cause I don’t want to confuse myself with information that has not been revealed in the show yet or may never be.

I was surprised to see how many people hate Sansa in the fandom, I find her character and story arc very interesting. I love her story, and I love Arya’s, and Bran’s, and Jon’s. Why is people comparing them? Why is people pitting them against each other? Specially the 2 sisters. One is not better than the other, they both make mistakes, very stupid mistakes but they also survive in their own right. Arya is not strong because she knows how to fight (physically), she is strong because of who she is. Fighting is an skill, just like playing an instrument, sewing, drawing or being good with numbers. I’m a terrible athlete and I can only do maths for daily use but that doesn’t make me weak, stupid or less awesome. I have other abilities and those are my strengths. You are strong when you know what are you good at, that’s how you play your part in a larger picture, that’s how you fight. Sansa has her witty, her courtesy and her words, she is fighting from inside (by the way she has no blame on what happened to Ned, she is responsable for getting herself stuck in Kings Landing which she fully knows and understand)

Then I saw a very vocal group of people shipping jonerys and after 6 seasons I have to say…. I still don’t see it. Yes, I see the parallels but there are so many parallels with so many other characters. I do believe a meeting between these 2 characters is inevitable and needed for the story to progress. But this is not a romantic love story between the 2 heroes. This is a story about power. D&D said it 6 years ago when they started the series. This is a story about people who wants power ( Littlefinger, the Tyrell’s, The Frey’s, Daneyris and so on), the ones who have power and want to keep it (the Lannisters) and the ones stuck in the middle (the Starks and the realm).It’s about what power do to people, all that they loose in the process and the pain it causes them. It’s very well explained in the first season.

What I love about GOT is that everybody can be the hero or the villain, it all depends of the lent with which you see it. You are a hero if you play for your family and a villain if you play against them. Honor is not that simple either. Why is an oath-breaker less honorable for saving millions of lives? why is an oath-breaker better for following his heart? Do you ever really win? There’s no absolutes in this world. 

I know this is long but I have a lot to say, bare with me please. Which leads me to the leaks and promo pics. There’s been endless discussions about them, I’ve heard all kind of opinions, pro and anti. That’s why I write about them now. The leaks came very early on and with them set pics that corroborate most of them. Jonsa shippers where pissed off and disappointed. I know I was but mostly cause those weren’t little hints or clues of what’s to come but entire plot lines and episode scrips. But here are the good news. Plot lines don’t give us real context or understanding of how the characters are feeling about their situations.

- Littlefinger is plotting and pitting Sansa and Arya against each other ( doesn’t tell us if this is working, it’s setting a dramatic conflict. Guess what? This is a drama)

- Jonsa is having arguments and they are separated the whole season (doesn’t said in which terms, we haven’t seen any dialogues there)

- Jonerys is having sex (according to the leaks they meet in the second episode, get separated at the third and reunited and have sex in the seventh. It took Jon and Igrytte 10 episodes with no separations to finally get in bed together…. and they were in love) And since the structure of the show gives us an average of 10 minutes per character each episode, sometimes even less. How are they gonna develop a real relationship there?

Lots of characters haven’t been mentioned in the leaks either. I doubt they don’t have story arcs this year. Also most of the leaks were predictable and very plausibles. Jon meeting Theon and being super angry at him (we all saw that coming). Jonerys meeting (at this point of the story it’s necessary). Arya and Bran coming home, also very necessary. Sansa is taking care of littlefinger…super necessary. Euron is siding with Cercei, yeap, very predictable. All the signs are in the last season.

JONSA  AND JONERYS THOUGHTS

I’m a jonsa shipper. I’m a shipper but I love good stories more. When one of my ships don’t work on a narrative level I understand. What frustrates me is when writers try to fit a ship  as fan service. Now, I’m not a Danerys fan. The only moments I get to enjoy her story is when she learns something and show some humility. Unfortunately this is not very often. I love Tyrion and Jorah. Her best moments so far has been with them cause they are actually smarter than her and humble. Danerys has been since season 2 very entitle, very proud, she even crowned herself (until you get to Westeros and you are appointed you don’t have a real crown, otherwise everybody can be crowned). Saying you are king or queen doesn’t make you either of them as the show has proven so far. Dario said last season she wasn’t born to sit in a palace and give orders, she is a conqueror (very different from being a ruler). She lacks humility which Jon has in spades.                             Her story has been very separated from all the important ones and that’s everybody complain, mine too. That’s why excite me she is finally making it to Westeros, her story will actually matter. It can be argue that Jon story has been separated from everybody too but he is a Stark (ok, %50 Stark) but a Stark nevertheless and all that happened in Kings landing and the North affects him for that reason. I love Jon, he is my guy.

Putting aside my feelings for Danerys, having J/D falling in love doesn’t do any real service to the story, at least not from my point of view. They would be a terrible couple. She is power hungry, wants the Iron throne more than anything and will do anything for it. Jon wants to serve the people, fight for their lifes. Danerys wants a king just in title, she wants to rule alone. Jon doesn’t want power but he knows he wasn’t born to be a submissive husband either. They would be fighting to be on top all the time. Two people on the top at the same time is physical and mentally imposible. As I said before the plot leaks don’t give too much room for a romance development there, everybody is busy doing their thing, but we won’t know until we see. If what the show is trying to do is a political alliance by marriage then why jonerys would have sex first and soo quickly? It can only go downhill from there ( that’s actually good news for jonsa shippers). Also Jon parentage revelation will be huge. It will change everything for whoever makes it into the final season. That’s what excite me the most. If jonerys hook up I really hope it serves the story somehow and not be just fan service.

I needed to get through jonerys first so I could explain why jonsa makes more sense narratively speaking. Sansa and Jon started being so idealist and they had a hard awaken to the world. They endured so much to be who they are right now, they were the last people they expected to rely on at the end, and that makes it even better for me. While everybody was hyped for a reunion between Jon and Arya (that would be awesome) I found jonsa more suitable.Two characters we have never seen interacting with each other but with previous history. Both really free for the first time, both damaged, both carrying their scars and still feeling the pain. Jon needed purpose and Sansa had a big one. All their scenes together were a delight to watch, from their first meeting, through the fights and the “we have to trust each other” moment. That’s how you develop a relationship. No sex there, no making out session, that last one was a real intimated moment. Aside from my enjoyment of Kit Harington and Sophie Turner on screen chemistry and the way their scenes were edited and directed, jonsa works narratively as an end game. Jon could die at the end, that’s a real possibility, I know. But damn, Jonsa getting married at the end for political reasons, for duty, to keep the North and the realm together is far more satisfying. Cat said this to Robb once, what Ned and she had grew stronger and lasted longer than passion. I’m team Stark all the way, that’s the family we spend more time with, we are rooting for them, for Ned’s family. 

Me:

A lovely meta was sent by a nonny and just had to share it for the Jonsa perspective.

Oh yes my kink is seeing ppl happy and enjoying themselves and letting them ship whoever or whatever they want because honestly if my tumblr could be anything, it’ll be for anyone to have a good time, a good laugh and just see that there’s always a silver lining no matter what. Life is hard and can’t let that get to you. If any of my silly posts made you smile then my work is done 😊 Oh and sorry for the bad jokes/puns lol. Also, for this less than eloquent reply.

And I ship JonSa like it’s the air I breathe lol I have been since the books (low key) - their POVs and values are so similar like how a couple should be.

So imagine me when S6 came, I pounced on it with everything I had in me, that ship gives me life!! And so I am glad to have found a fantastic fandom right here on tumblr and Jonsa shippers are just the best! (really they are!)

Thank you for the mail Nonny!! Bless you and hope you’re having a great day wherever you are!! And yes, Jonsa for life babyyy!! 😘

[jillmckenzie1]

Please Swipe Responsibly

If you think dating is hard, try dating in a ski town. Population 4,896. The tourist game is so strong in Breckenridge that I can confidently proclaim that I’ve matched with more Texans in Colorado than I ever matched with Texans while actually living in Texas.

For those of you unfamiliar with app dating, I’ll provide a crash course. Bumble gives the woman 24 hours to communicate with the man after a match is made (i.e. two mutual swipe rights). The man then has 24 hours to respond. Each user is given a daily extension, which will open the communication channel for an extra 24 hours. Once a male and female have both commented, the chat log stays open indefinitely. Hinge is slightly more low-key; I liken it to Facebook as users can simply heart photos or comments without a deadline to engage in conversation. Both operate on a geographical radius.

A few weeks ago, a guy in my Bumble queue opted to use his one-time extension (quite flattering, yes). I figured anyone who was willing to take such initiative was worthy of, at the very least, a cordial hello (only, I never lead with a formal salutation because that would immediately classify me as boring, and I am not boring). Lo and behold, he’s at the airport. On his way back to San Diego. California. His words: “I know, I swiped irresponsibly, but you really seemed worth it.”

No shit I’m worth it. But, what’s your play here, stud? Are you going to fall madly in love with me via FaceTime before I transport my Airstream to your driveway? No. Answer is no.

So, we wasted each other’s time for two hours in meaningless conversation that we will never be able to get back. It’s fine. Everything is fine. I didn’t want those two hours anyway (insert eyeroll emoji).

You might be shocked to learn that this irresponsible swiping stuff is a very real thing. I’ve often wondered if I’m simultaneously chatting with two bros from the same bachelor party who are crammed into the hot tub of their ten-person rental pad. Chances are high (and, no, I’m not coming over with my bathing suit).

With that being said, I generally bow out of conversations once I realize that the guy’s home base extends beyond the city limits of Denver. And that’s not because I wouldn’t date someone outside of Colorado. I most certainly would. Ironically, I am actually one of the few people who is easily able to close the mileage gap for the right person. But, to date, my freedom has acted as more of a curse.

Circumstance conditions us to date within our city limits, to find the person that fits into our geographical routines. To be open to anyone living anywhere is an entirely new dimension to dating that most people are not even fully able to comprehend (think black-holes-in-outer-space type stuff).

As you can imagine, it’s rare to find locals in a ski town (who are also my age), and if I do, they are usually working jobs that are not going to prosper into sustainable careers (no judgment, but I undoubtedly need someone who is going to inspire my professional synapses). So, I currently exist between the hopelessness of meeting a real-life human in the wild (not sure people even do this anymore) and the ridiculousness that is our digital dead zone of online dating (in case you were wondering, filters do not exist behind phone screens).

For all of you non-single people, let me enlighten you for a minute. For all of you single people, I’m fully aware that these next few paragraphs will come as no surprise.

In the last two weeks, I’ve been sent two dick pics (completely unsolicited). Both from irresponsible swipers escaping back into their East Coast abodes. One of them even used a shampoo bottle to clearly demonstrate size. A true gentleman in every sense of the word. Mama raised that boy right. Also, it’s worth noting that he used his Bumble profile to define his religious affiliation as “Christian” (insert wide-eyed, blank stare emoji). I do not say that with any predisposition to the fact that a Christian guy should know better or more than a man who labels himself as a non-Christian; it’s simply a nod to the fact that an online dating profile creates a high level of expectations for how a person should be acting based on the viewer’s perceptions of those answers; but really, those perceptions are just that, perceptions. The answers hold zero weight in the grand scheme of deciphering the personality, morals, and intentions of the guy (or girl) on the other side of the screen.

In a surprising turn of events from volunteer nudes, I’ve also been proposed to four times. One included a link to Jagged Edge’s “Let’s Get Married” hit single that had me convinced that we might actually engage in harmonious matrimony (if you know me, then you know that 90’s R&B is the key to my Usher-loving heart). The other three were generally well-timed responses to my signature sarcasm.

The most popular question I get, however, does not involve my ring finger. It is a request for a picture of my backside (I wish I were kidding). I present to you my most recent exchange with a guy from Denver who, on day two of correspondence, asked for a photo of my butt. In his defense, he made this request using the peach emoji (please read that he gets no actual defense for using the peach emoji). When I told him that pictures of my backside were worth the big bucks, he then sent me the money bag emoji (three of them, to be exact) as if I were really insinuating that I needed some form of payment. Of course, he then unmatched me (I’m going to assume that my lack of correspondence proved that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted – even though he had put in his Bumble profile that he was looking for a person with whom to do outdoor things, not a person from whom to receive peach photos).

Finally, my personal favorite, the guy who asked me, “Is there any chance in hell you’d ever allow someone to buy a pair of your socks?” And never has a human been more serious. This dude’s commitment to the previously quoted question puts the marriage proposal men to absolute shame. I proceeded to ask him if he was using Hinge to run some type of sock-smuggling enterprise (think Orange is the New Black and Piper’s prison panty operation). Apparently, that wasn’t funny. At least, not to him. Immediate unmatch. Great. My socks are safe. Bye.

At this point, I realize that matching with anyone online–no matter his ultimate geographic location– opens up the flood gates of potential comedic absurdity. I often question whether or not to persevere for the sake of finding a “normal” one out there or simply throwing in the towel and praying that the real-life guy will mysteriously find me while we reach for the same jar of almond butter at Whole Foods or sit undeniably too close on the same chairlift. If you are a regular to my writing shenanigans, then you know that I recently succumbed to the fact that dating is a game of numbers, so the answer–whether I like it or not–is to do both. To be open to finding someone is to explore every means necessary for a union to take place.

  Here. Present. Doing it.

The problem is that it can be just so damn tiring. Like when I had to tell the guy who had just ended it with his live-in girlfriend three days before we went on our first–and only–date that there was no possible way that I could move forward with him based on that information, and he proceeded to text me every day for a week even despite my withdrawal from the conversation (a testament to the fact that even the most direct bluntness can be blinded by the highest levels of emotional instability).

Hint: Get off Bumble. Move out of your apartment. Rebuild your capacity to do life alone so that you can physically and psychologically support yourself before attempting to simultaneously support someone else standing beside you.

  Dating fail number…I’ve lost count.

Two weeks ago, I started messaging a guy in Vail (mind you, he’s actually from Michigan). Ironically, he’s on a 30-day snowboard trip in which two of those weeks will exactly mirror the trip I’ve been thinking about taking to Jackson Hole and Sun Valley and then into Utah. I started to like his digital version so much that I found myself not even wanting to meet his real-life version. His point total was so positive that, in order to prepare myself for the typical in-person letdown, I reasoned that his profile pictures were five years old and that he’d be far less entertaining in the flesh.

I wish I could tell you that my self-talk was wrong, but in true Bumble fashion, we both faded into oblivion, our names sitting somewhere in the deep recesses of each other’s iMessage chat logs (if we even gave each other names). We had a solid four days in which I reasoned that the overabundance of snow was due to my dancing abilities. He called me his lucky charm. I made sure to dominate his daily vertical feet of mountain madness (you’re not surprised). And he didn’t send me a dick pic (you are surprised).

All that being said, the answer is that I don’t know. But history suggests that this stimulating digital connection would have made it very difficult for the analog encounter to live up to such inevitably high expectations.

  Fact. Our phones have dramatically changed the environment for cultivating romantic relationships.

Let’s revisit the anomaly of real-life encounters. My best friend has put this fantasy inside my head that my Prince Charming is actually not going to manifest himself from behind my phone screen. She is convinced that we are, in fact, going to serendipitously meet as physical people.

She tells me that he is going to be standing in front of me in the singles line of Peak 6, only to find out that Kensho Chair is no longer running because of a high wind advisory. He will turn around, in despair, to be greeted by my slightly annoyed but still smiling google-tanned face, and we’ll both subconsciously register our mutual affinity for camo: his pants, my jacket. He’ll mumble his frustrations about wanting to hike to the summit and based on my recent experience–in which I quite literally almost blew off the side of the mountain–I’ll ensure him that he is missing nothing. He’ll exhale relief before confirming that we are both, in fact, locals. And we’ll strap in side-by-side, surrounded by an equivocal air of attraction.

We’ll race off towards Peak 7, his speed just outside my reach, and yet I’ll still manage to fall just one spot behind him on Independence Chair. At that point, I will try to erase that fuzzy feeling–the one that sends an electric current from the top of your head down into your toes, the one that is assessing whether or not the person within your vicinity is registering that fuzzy feeling, too–because I am coming to terms with the fact that he will be long gone by the time I remove myself from my single seat on that six-person chair.

Except he won’t be gone. He’ll be taking his sweet time to buckle himself in, and as I skate to a spot near him to ultimately do the same, he will do the unprecedented thing, the action that seems so lost in our current state of swiping and sexting: he will ask me my name followed by an open invitation to ride together for the remainder of the day. He will open himself up to my potential to say no.

Except I won’t say no. I will say yes with a confidence that implies that I couldn’t picture the day going any other way, a façade to the fuzzies that I’ll have welcomed back into every major and minor nerve-ending inside my spine. Because I’ll be nervous as hell. I won’t have access to five pictures or a brief bio to make assumptions about him before we embark on this journey (because you know I won’t make any of those afternoon runs easy). And I won’t know if he just wants someone to hike with him to the backside of Peak 9 or if he thinks that I look quasi-cute in my snowboard getup that often has me confused for being a bro. I won’t know his age or his job or his ability to speak sarcasm. I won’t have the faintest idea of his Zodiac Sign or his religious affiliation. There will be no checkbox on his camo pants helping me to understand if he is searching for love or for lust.

So, my best friend, she tells me that it will happen this way. And I will have to ask the questions. And I will have to listen to my intuition. And, in this fantasy that she has created for my life, he is nothing short of sincere. He will have the wherewithal to ask for my number at the end of the day and the balls to text me that evening to ask if I want to spend the next morning together on the mountain. And it will snow seven inches that night, and I’ll wake up early to meet him for first chair, and without hesitation, he’ll show me all the secret stashes in the trees. The powder day will turn into drinks at night, and after two Tito’s and sodas, he’ll admit that the closing of Peak 6 on a random Thursday in January was the best thing that’s happened to him in a very long time. And, I’ll allow his words–that I am kind and pretty and funny–to intoxicate my soul so much deeper than the vodka ever could.

We’ll kiss. And it won’t be fueled by an animal-like intensity to simply rip off each other’s clothes to expose what hides beneath the layers of baggy snowboard gear. He will linger on my bottom lip and run his fingers through my hair that is notoriously flowing from underneath my Broncos beanie. And I won’t be able to decipher the difference between that giddy feeling that I am getting from the snow that continues to blanket my newfound home in Colorado or from the fire that has now been tattooed on my lips.

At that point, I’ll know. His age and his job and his ability to speak sarcasm. I’ll know his Zodiac Sign, even if he barely knows it himself, and his religious affiliation. And while there will be no checkbox on his, now, denim jeans, my intuition will tell me that he is not just looking for lust.

So, we’ll do that whole dating thing. And he’ll hop in the car with me for that aforementioned Idaho road trip. And his real-life version, the one that I met before having to decipher his methods of digital dialogue, will undoubtedly leave me begging for more.

Maybe, just maybe, my best friend will be right about this one (she’s usually right). Meanwhile, if you need me, I’ll be over here dreaming about the singles line on Peak 6 (and turning down more requests for pictures of my backside).

from Blog https://ondenver.com/please-swipe-responsibly/

[duaneodavila]

My Time In Twitter Jail

It was only a brief stay, and the time of it couldn’t have been better. You see, I go to sleep at exactly the right time for me, but probably somewhat earlier than a lot of other people. I also tend to shut down the computer after dinner and not turn it back on until the following morning, when I awake at around 5 a.m.

That means that there is a period of time during which others are busy defending their feelings idiocy honor on twitter while I’m dreaming of world peace and other happy things. When I finally checked my email, I learned that I had been in twitter jail.

What twits did the twitter gods demand I delete?

The twit was from July 1st, and included a quoted twit of another person gleefully proud of putting two young girls into “fuck Trump” t-shirts. It was sufficiently controversial that Snopes tried to investigate whether it was a real pic. It was of concern to me as it reflected the extreme of anger on the part of certain parents so as to compromise their children by putting them in such a needlessly vulgar shirt.

Twitter demanded I delete the twit, which didn’t concern me. It was already about 6 weeks old, and the lifespan of a twit is a few days at best. I didn’t care, and deleting it raised no problems for me. But what I learned was that I had already served my sentence for being twitter-bad for this TOS violation for reasons that completely elude me. Upon deletion, I was free to twit, having paid my dues to society twitter.

I let my friend Ken know about my brief imprisonment, so brief that I never got to break rocks into stones or even plan to dig a tunnel under the wall. He twitted in support of my freedom.

So Twitter has locked @ScottGreenfield for a rather mild critique of someone putting their kids in “fuck Trump” t-shirts. Remember: this isn’t a public space. You’re in a disturbed person’s house, and they may throw you out for erratic reasons. Good work, @TwitterSafety @Jack

It wasn’t that Ken was a fan of my twit, which he thought was me being my curmudgeonly self, but he similarly found my lock out to be arbitrary and capricious. Not that twitter CEO Jack Dorsey isn’t entitled to be arbitrary on his private platform, but it’s frowned upon by many people.

Ken’s twit was, as his usually are, retwitted by many. He’s got a great many followers on twitter, as he well deserves. He’s informative, illuminating, and far more funny and hip than someone like me. There were also some replies to his twit, which appeared in my timeline.

Scott is a little get-off-my-lawn for my tastes, but if old people are allowed on twitter, some allowance ought to be made for them being old people.

— Filthy Wish Dragon (@wqsaves) August 17, 2018

I’m not entirely clear on what “get-off-my-lawn” means, other than old person sensibilities that aren’t shared by the young set. Maybe someone can explain this to me using words that an old man can understand. I looked it up at Urban Dictionary, but didn’t find the definition helpful.

Then there were the empathetic twits of support.

I follow Scott. Scott’s not always charming. He can be an ass, but who’s perfect? I don’t like his politics. I do like his take on the law, most of the time. I don’t want to live in an echo chamber.

I’ve seen a lot of bad shit on Twitter. Scott hasn’t been part of the problem.

— jozian (@jozian) August 17, 2018

This struck me as more curious. I asked Ken about it, and he explained it to me as nothing more than someone expressing their honest view of another person.

Do you shrink at all from stating forthrightly your view of people?  No.

Well, that’s largely true, and I don’t doubt that Ken has a far better grasp of the sensibilities of digital natives than I do. But it didn’t quite sate my curiosity. While I had no clue who this person is, I didn’t doubt the sincerity of his twit or that he was entitled to his feelings as to my charm, ass-ness, politics* or take on the law, and to express them in a twit. There is no question as to his right to feel as he does and to utter his feelings.

What was curious was the need to Gertrude.** It struck me that as much as people agreed that my being put in twitter jail for a “mild critique,” was wrong, they couldn’t say so without prefacing their condemnation against twitter without first expressing their disapproval, perhaps disavowal, of me?

Perhaps I’m so despised that no support can be expressed without first clarifying their disapproval, lest their following conflate condemnation of the lock out with support for me? Perhaps this was sending me a message that some random person on the twitters feels I’m an ass so I change my entire worldview to seek their approval? Perhaps this is virtue signaling their disapproval?

There has always been a compulsion on the part of some to preface agreement on an assertion with “I don’t always agree with you,” which always struck me as silly, since there’s no reason why anyone should and there’s even less reason why it would matter to me. But this was far a more explicit, if incomprehensible,*** Gertrude.

My curiosity isn’t that someone finds me insufficiently charming, or an ass. That’s bound to happen, as I neither can please everyone nor have any interest in trying. Rather, my curiosity is why young people feel the need to Gertrude. Or, to be more precise, why they fear the absence of their disavowal will bring them disrepute or worse.

As for me, I slept through my twitter jailing, so it ended up not mattering beyond the fact that it happened for such an inexplicable reason. And as most people of my generation will tell you, dear young people, we neither strive to achieve your approval nor give a damn. We hope to pay forward whatever wisdom we’ve managed to accumulate, and leave it to you to decide whether to accept or reject it.

My generation doesn’t need our self-esteem bolstered by other peoples’ “likes.” Your grandpa doesn’t run his thoughts past you for your approval. This curmudgeon sees it disturbing that yours does, and that you feel it necessary to make your generational allegiances clear to your fans at every opportunity, lest they believe you to be of the wrong tribe.

*It’s unclear to me what anybody means when they refer to my politics. As I see it, my politics are wherever facts and logic take me without regard to political party or ideology. I suspect my refusal to be tribal means that I’m in the “other” tribe to young people, who can’t conceive of anyone guided by principles rather than ideology. I think that’s unfortunate. They may not.

**In classical Gertruding, it’s unnecessary to preface an assertion with caveats because they’re obvious and should not need to be said. It may not be obvious that I’m uncharming and an ass, so this may not fit within the classical Gertruding paradigm.

***Expressions such as “you’re an ass” or “you’re a dick” are prevalent among young people, but have no actual meaning to someone of my generation. Calling a name provides no information. Then again, when they try to explain, they usually fail miserably due to their incapacity to express themselves in rational terms. I’m probably being a dick saying so, but who knows?

My Time In Twitter Jail republished via Simple Justice