#not the best with words but i think ive conveyed everything i want to say...

[yexuans]

some thoughts regarding yexuan will probably contain spoilers regarding his past and how he is rn

Sometimes I wonder if the reason why yexuan is always emphasising on mc's freedom was due to the fact that he had none. Be it in white city or in empire he was carrying out duties just cause. But I believe he had his happy moments in white city (with mc) for awhile before all the shits that went down and he lost his memories. In empire, it's just a whole story like omg there is just no way anyone is happy there with that environment.

So yeah he's never really had a choice, or he's never seriously considered what he truly wanted to do. If you think about it, he's always doing things for the sake of mc... :') an example would be in the summer story where he would've ended his life along with the sage if he were actually a danger to mc like omg... i always die a little inside when i think about it... im just really happy for him right now after his mist city route where hes "taking a break", hes still in contact tho dont worry but hes just exploring around and finding things that he might want to do, excited to see more of his growth :-)

[somethingstrangeishere]

TW: leprosy

Baldwin IV with his mommy 🥺

She tries to cheer up her precious boy by doing something sweet for him.

"No, my dear, those bandages don't make you any worse! Please stop putting yourself down for how you look...Look, I made a bow for you! You're cute. I love you, Baldwin."

***

I don't know if you've ever had similar thoughts...I just felt like speaking up. Honestly, it's very hard to put my thoughts and convey what I'm feeling (I'm not a writer and also not a native English speaker), and to be completely honest, as I think about it, my heart hurts and my eyes water. So if you read this - thank you, and sorry for taking up your time. If not - well, I've eased my soul one way or another by speaking out.

***

My heart melts at the thought of a warm, understanding and trusting relationship between parents and children, and I also love the dynamics of family relationships. In this context, mother/son. I don't know, and no one knows anymore, about the relationship Baldwin had with his mother, whether they were close, but I'm not relying on historical reference, but on my interpretation and feelings.

For a good loving mother, her child is the best, the most precious, the most loved and desired. But life does not always turn to you and your child in a good way. Some people are unlucky - whether you are a king or a peasant, a sinner or a saint - fate does not care.

How does a mother feel when her son is mortally ill? Put yourself in her shoes. Just try it.

***

You hold your newborn baby in your arms. Here it is, your little bundle of joy, so tiny, so adorable... You want to give him all the best, now your whole world is him, your little angel!

Your son is growing up, taking his first steps, saying his first words. You dream about his future, you love him so much...

Time passes, you live in love and care for him. And you hope that it will always be like this - or as long as possible...

...Now forget about it.

Suddenly you are hit with devastating news - your son has leprosy. It knocks you off your feet, it chokes you, it tramples you into the ground, tears your heart to pieces. At that moment, as soon as you find out, you see nothing in front of you and hear nothing. Your mind is empty, and there is only one thought of your son, your treasure. Doomed, cursed. If there really is a God, why did he let this happen? Why your child? They say leprosy is a curse from God. Why curse an innocent child?!

Pain, despair, anguish. You want to weep, You want to grab your son, hold him close and never let go. You realise he's doomed. But he doesn't realise it yet.

As time goes on, his health gets worse. Your baby does not understand what is happening to him - he is scared, he is confused, he is waiting for your support and comfort. You smile at him, you give him everything you can - but inside your heart is pounding and tearing as if it were breaking your ribs. Every night you're choked with tears. Your son is your flesh and blood, you gave him life, you brought him into this world, you condemned him to this existence...

Time passes, you do your best, but it seems as if God himself has turned away from you. You pray to all the saints, you beg the Virgin Mary - she is a mother too, she must hear, she cannot fail to understand! But nothing changes.

Your son is growing up, and every year his condition gets worse. His skin is covered with leprosy spots. His eyesight is getting worse. He's always tired, he can't live without the help of doctors and medicines. He's rotting alive. People look askance. People judge. People see a monster. All you see is your angel. Every day you swear to love and care for him, swear you won't leave him...

***

A young 16 years old boy wins a battle. How proud you are of him! How weak his body is, but how strong his spirit. But he too has his moments of vulnerability...

...Especially when he fully realises he doesn't have long to live. He seems to accept it - or pretend to accept it...

How do you feel?

How a mother might feel when she realises that she may see her son die? Bury the one she brought into this world. To live to see that moment is something she doesn't want to do.

Thank you if you read to the end! I'm crying right now😭

[imustbenuts]

ouggh could you please elaborate on your criticism of brave Alfonse ...I like hearing your thoughts (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

alright. so this is just a messy sloppy thought vomit essay again im so sorry in advance.

and i am salty overall about this.

in 2 words: traditional conservatism

in many many words:

ALFONSE. OPEN UP YOUR WAY CARVE YOUR OWN PATH WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGGG IF YOU ARE SAYING HE HAS POTENTIAL JUST. FUCKING. COMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU COWARDS! HAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHG learn from your dad's ruling policy yes but don't become your dad and carve for the affection you cannot have jfc

IN MORE WORDS

gustav is. objectively speaking, not a good father in the emotional growth department. I've mentioned and maintained by him looking like an Asian tiger parent from my pov. even if he does lay out proper foundations and maybe good hc adjacent policy for country ruling, his approach of parenting is questionable at best.

I get him operating under pressure and sickness with a limited time left to raise his son in a manner befitting of the throne but like. All sink and no swim? No proper explicit guidance? You can't just be "I want my child to meet expectations and dispense no love", that's just straight up neglect my guy. hes very much the 2 faced proud big important parent person.

realistic, but yuck.

i dont think they even have a father son moment probably ever. Henriette and Gustav have a more functional relationship bc they actually dated and had proper human interaction, but it's likely given cultural asian and high expectations context irl, his kids were treated more like objects and successors. Despite everything he might have felt and expressed behind the scenes. again, the affection is not expressed and conveyed directly enough to his kids, and alfonse being his successor means. alfonse has major daddy issues and anxiety about succeeding the throne.

So now, brave alfonse, having lost this dad and understandably craving for fatherly affection and going through it in the plot, is. you know. in the process of redefining himself. arguably is always, but now, its either he's the successor of, King Gustav the Great II or The Next King of Askr. his role as with many many other of his type are to be a signifier of a new era. thats the whole point of successors!

hes even all "ILL OPEN THE WAY". implying that something before wasnt working out and a new path must be blasted open for a better future. thats the whole theme.

But the effect of Alfonse donning his fathers armor in this case is not respect, it reeks of insecurity! again, does alfonse know his father as Gustav The Person to a reasonable degreee? if by that we mean a neglecful parent but a decent king, okay. but why is there a need to repeat this cycle by wearing from head to toe, from body language to skill 1:1 of his dad. howis this a good thing...

dude. what the hell is intsys doing. do i need to call their parents or what the hell is this conservative traditional filial pathetic nonsense. what the hell happened to all of the other fire emblems who are 5 steps more progressive than this

(granted i do find FE to be very conservative on the whole now that ive stewed in the pot of it all but thats a me thing. it could also be dependant on the writer but idk them well enough to know who does what)

and heres my ideal fucking scenario, right. not very hard. id argue just picking up gustav's mantle OR axe and then working it into a new outfit that is explicit alfonse's would be miles better and what i would want. a signifier that alfonse the character knows himself and wants to walk his own path while honoring the good parts of gustav and discarding the bad.

not this. reanimation method of almost wanting to wear his fathers' skin. as if he cant move on and stand on his feet. as if hes unsure. as if they dont want him to commit (at least not yet bc we gonna milk FEH for as much as we can). despite. all the things that have been happening.

instead of rolling with the punches the armor feels like him not doing that. it might have been an easy alt to decide on, but character wise, i dislike it a lot.

[hinamie]

hi hina what are some of your favorite art styles in manga?

OOOOH i love this ask so much u don't understand,,, first of all ok any1 who knows me knows i am a filthy anime-only fr most of the series I like so there r a few on this list tht i haven't necessarily read in their entirety gomenasorry i'm a fraud i just like the pretty pictures....

also this got longer than anticipated (i lied i anticipated it) but here r a few series whose art i want 2 chew on :D i feel like i've mentioned all of these at least in passing before but fr anyone who wants to read me yell about the specifics....take a shot every time i say the word "love"

tokyo ghoul: *takes an extended drag* all the roads lead back here. listen. ishida sui is a master the man is a god what can i say he is like leonardo da vinci 2 me. he is Better than leonardo da vinci 2 me. the serendipity of me being into tg during a very formative time in my art journey (right when i was making the transition into creating my own content) meant that a lot of tg influence ended up kind of bleeding into my work pun intended. Ishida's way of doing eyes n faces is so unbelievably expressive plus the scratchiness of his lines combined w the soft n rounded way he does facial features... thts not even mentioning his coloured works god theyre entrancing i adORE how everything looks like a mix of watercolour and almost . layered tissue paper?? like it's sharp n translucent n angular but everything looks so soft...how he manages to make something look so sharp but so smudged at the same time is witchcraft it looks like smth out of a dream it looks like coloured ink seeping into fabric it looks like fogged stained glass,,, ishida sui my king u will always be famous 2 me

jjk: this feels like a no-brainer but i have 2 talk about it i'll b hunted for sport if i don't talk about how much of an absolute slut i am fr gege's art style. i wld bet real money tht me getting into jjk was part of what solidified my love for the Sharp Angular look that i tend to implement into my own stuff bc gege does it !! SO well!!!! not only does it make his fight scenes look super dynamic but i Also think it lends really well to all of the character designs like. holds up megumi this boy is triangles on rectangles not a fuckin curve in SIGHT . its not just megumi either!!! his shape language fr the entire fucking cast is to die for i want to rub my face against it like a cat. also ive gushed abt it in regards to yuuji specifically bc i think he's the best example but gege's expressions also are so goddamn GOOD the eyes hold so much emotion...so much anguish n weight n he's so good at conveying that battle-crazed psychopathic thousand yard stare.....nothing but murderous intent behind those eyes n it looks incredible every ! fucking ! time!!!!! i love the way he does eyes so much it's a shame he keeps tearing them out of his character's skulls

toilet-bound hanako-kun: EATS IT EATS IT EATS IT!!!! i own 2 of the artbooks i love the art in this series so MUCH i love the shapes i love the reds n warm tones i love the cutsey proportions meets traditional yokai illustrations n spooky vintage aesthetic,, the art in tbhk is like studio ghibli to me in the way it NAILS visual clutter n making environments/backgrounds look strategically Busy,, the manga covers the illustrations the splash pages...all the official art is so jam packed with detail but somehow it doesn't tip the scale into being Too Much it all looks so intentional and cohesive and the colour choices are all so GOOD i just!!! how do u DO that!!!!!!!! also omg the way they draw eyes n hair. puts it in my mouth it is so. blobby and blocky respectively i love when art styles make the irises Not Quite Round i think it adds so much character :'>

owari no seraph: ons entered my life around the same time as my tg era and didn't have Quite as much of an impact on me as the former so i don't have quite as much to say but HOLY SHIT THE MANGA COVER ART POINTS AT MIKA'S HAIR POINTS AT THE CHAINS ON HIS CAPE DO U SEE THIS SHIT??????????? it's ethereal!!!!!! it's so blended and smooth and detailed but the line weight is still so intact and satisfying to look at :'>> not to mention the colour choices and lighting makes everything look so wintery and cold it feels like a marble church it /feels/ vampirey and i LOVE it

[babeyun]

fallin alone. oh. my. god.

i cant believe the greatest fucking fic of the year dropped on 21st of december, but here we are. impeccable timing 

first of all, i have been waiting for this forever and the fact that i got to finally read it is such a blessing, it was so so so worth the wait, i cant stress this enough

there wasnt a thing that i didnt enjoy while i was reading this masterpiece, the fact that it got my little heart aching but also beating a bit faster is a enough of a proof of how amazing it was!

i loved loved how both, hees and yns, character were in a way equally shining here and the dynamics of their ups and downs in these rough paths of their relationship were written so so well, im speechless.

im so glad, hee figured his shit out, im so happy with how everything turned out, dont even get me fucking started on the whole cold case - this was such great driving force of the fic!! im amazed and endlessly impressed!

the sex scenes hit and felt so natural? i suppose what i mean by that is when i read them they flowed so perfectly into the plot, and my goodness, this hopeless heeseung was very hot to me, the definition of the man that is nothing without his wife, loved to see it

the ending with them falling again and renewing the vows, dare i say my eyes teared up a bit goshhh it was beautiful !!

what can i say, the best fic ive read this year im so serious, made me glad im alive, youre an incredible writer and this was just a pleasure to read, im gonna for sure reread this and probably be in awe as if it was my first time reading it!!! masterpiece!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and also, thank u thank YOU, for sharing this with us on here, it was an honor to be able to read it !!!!  

wishing u all the best sweetheart, happy holidays, stay warm, love youuuuu!!!!!!!

oh my…hello anon.

i’m just gonna let you know right now, i am SOBBING. ugly cry with snot and wailing 😭

thank YOU so much for your incredible patience and your incredibly kind words. i cannot express enough how much your kindness means to me, especially with the year that i’ve had and the things that have impacted me.

i’m glad you enjoyed it! i tried so hard to make them both characters with redeemable qualities and i wanted so badly for both of them to be seen as one but also individuals with their own issues. not everything falls on heeseung but not all of it can fall on y/n, you know?

dude the sex scenes stressed me OUTTTT 😭 i was in my best friend’s face asking “should i change this?” or “what about this? maybe a different position?” i just KNAUR she was sick of my ass fr…but writing their intimate dynamics was very fun, i wanted to convey this idea that heeseung is just like…incredibly attracted to her and kind of addicted to her in a way — and based of this i think i managed to do that!

the fact that you said this fic made you glad you’re alive is such an insane honor. to me this is a fic i’ve been mulling over and using to cope with my own shit, but i’m glad you’re alive, too. shit, i’m glad i’m alive to write it and see it.

thank you for your kind words and kind heart. i hope there are many more people like you in this world, but even just you is enough. have a wonderful holiday season, anonnie. take care 🩷

[sonosvegliato]

asking you because i seriously consider u one of the best writers i have. read? known exists? anyways im asking how much do u plan when u write? ik uve talked abt ur process (v funny i love how ur mind works id love to poke around [affectionately]) but like. how much do u Plan in Advance? ive been sitting on some ideas for a while and im trying to think down to the SLIGHTEST things and im jus v curious as to? how much you think abt urs b4 sitting down2 write?

I am glad you think I am funny because I think I am funny too.

(Haha but for real I literally jumped into the air. Thank you!)

Here is where I get shifty because I am not an artist, I never have been, I have never quite gotten a handle on the patience required to color inside the lines. Likewise...I am not a plotter.

In general, an Idea Arrives, and then I sit down and write. A lot of the time it starts out as a scene I'd like to read, and I write that scene for 20 minutes or two hours, and after that I roll the dice in the air. If I poke around it long enough, I am morally required to construct everything that had to happen to get me to the Inciting Scene. My favorite thing to write is dialogue, and to convey how someone said something/why they said it, then I have to know the characters a little more. Sort of like eavesdropping on a conversation, and then getting to know a stranger from it.

I have never plotted anything start to finish. I normally have an end or something close to the end, a few enticing snippets, and that's my map. I don't finish original work too often, but it's not abandoned, it's just reworked, reworked, reworked. I have a friend that has original work that won a big well known editing/pitch contest and now has her work in the Query Trenches, and if she was the writing FBI she would lock me in jail for disorderly conduct and missing plotting documents. She says I should try to at least write a first draft through and let that be my guide, but I'm like. Nah. I start a story and I keep writing it and backtracking and rewriting and backtracking and rewriting, but theoretically at the end I have a story I'm satisfied with--- and not a draft I thought was bad a quarter of the way in but kept mudslogging through it. It's not losing progress, it's just rerouting yourself the longer way home so you avoid future traffic.

"Kill your darlings" is a very famous piece of writing advice, and when I was starting out I thought it meant, like, literally killing your characters for the Drama. Now I understand it as if there's a scene I really like or really want to include...sometimes she just has to get sidelined. And that's okay. We can harvest her organs for later. Frankenstein that bitch.

Fanfiction is different. It's fun and loose and I entertain myself. Now you will not swell the rout was a bit more thoughtfully done, that is, I spent more time on it than just being awake at midnight because I thought of something funny. It was not plotted. I didn't know the story was there. I missed martial arts, and then happened to listen in on a conversation about the poem "To an Athlete Dying Young" (A.E. Housman). I didn't come up with Now you will not swell the rout as a fully-fleshed story then, I just added onto a snippet (literally the first three little paragraphs) and stuff connected and then two weeks went by in a mad haze and I had 30,000 words or whatever it was. After that, I've spoken previously that in hold the low lintel up (and now WIP#3) had some "plot" which are events in the comics I want to include, but I think that is more worldbuilding/keeping somewhat adjacent to the source material. Everything original is just up in my head or stored in a random line I want to remember to use later.

(Literally my "plot" bookmark in my google doc is Plot hey here’s a good line and then I proceed to write one very good sentence and seven disembodied dialogue fragments that don't belong together at all).

In the spirit of honesty, I wrote the last line of Now you will not swell the rout and that was supposed to be it. But the fic had such a lovely reception, and I really felt like I grew while I wrote it, and like look there was one big glaring unanswered question just sitting there, right, so. Now I have a series. And 100% of the reason I'm not uploading chapter by chapter is because I know I am not a plotter, I know I'll change things, and I really want to take my time with this and use it as experience for my original work.

So that was way more than you probably meant to ask for, but. In sum: no, I don't plan in advance, I just take a stab and commit literary medical malpractice. Some writing books will have whole sections on plotting, and will have you detail your characters' birthdate, favorite song, food, music, what's the name of their first dog, etc. A lot of people have to have that solid basis ("organization" my writer friend calls it, pfft). I know, personally, that if I go down that rabbit hole I will not get anything done. I will get stuck.

So if you are honest with yourself and won't get stuck making the ideal macaroni map, send plotting advice for the rest of us homies out there ✌️

SVEG OUT

[lightlycareless]

hihi!! this is my first time writing an ask to anyone on tumblr you dont need to make a reply to this because this is just things i want to say to you theres this song called mascara by deftones that i came across on tiktok, and theres this one part that goes "you're married... to me." right before the beat drops and the way i literally GASPED because it reminded me of your fic and naoya and y/ns marriage 😭pls give it a listen if you have the time! its good i swear also even though im sure youve received a lot of compliments before, i just want to... genuinely thank you for just existing. youre such a wonderful person, in every one of your posts and replies youre so nice and understanding, and youre the most dedicated writer ive ever seen online. youve really made me so so happy with your writing and fic, and i just want you to know how amazing you are. thank you thank you thank you! i dont even realize when but my life went from "just got to make it to friday" to "just got to make it to the next first it hurts update" LOL anyway i hope everything in life goes well for you. once again, thank you. know that there are always people out there that appreciate you and love you!

Hello!!!

First of all, thank you so much for your lovely words!! Like I still can't believe that after so many chapters after starting my story, I'd be getting the support I've had 😭❤️ and you,,,, ghjagjhagjhagka you saying those wonderful things about me just make it even harder to believe!

🥺 I'm a bit teary eyed, ngl... your words really moved me. 😭 thank you so much.

I'm really happy that my work is something you have been enjoying up until now, and while it might take me a while to get back to each reply/ask, I never forget about them and I appreciate them so so much—it's the least I could do after all this wonderful support! I will do my best to continue with my writing so you can keep enjoying it 😭❤️!!!!!! Hopefully the new chapter will be uploaded soon too 🤭 I also get excited when the update day is near hehe. ahhh!!!

Now, onto your song...

Omg… I listened to it and I immediately went to search for it’s meaning/interpretation because I was wow—if you think about it it’s really dark you know?

But going back to what it made me think about Naoya and Y/N—there's no denying it, the song covers the fact they're forced to be together. (or more like Naoya is forcing her, but he doesn't want to let go either, so...)

Highlighting the fact that no matter what the other does, or much they try to get away or act like it isn't happening, it's all for nothing because the papers are signed and they're officially bound to one another😭

That's not the only thing I got from the song though 👀

I also got the idea that it was kind of Naoya mockingly telling Y/N that she can continue fighting him, denying him, and so on... but it’s too bad because “you're [still] married to me.” jfc.

Or also, it could be referring to her longing for Naoaki and how Naoya is a hindrance to that. Damn. Bless you for sharing this song with me, it really gets the angst inspiration going on. And fortunately for us, there's still more to come in the main fic mwaahahahahahahha

Anyways 😏 thank you so much for sending in this lovely ask!! I went back to it here and there whenever I felt particularly down about my skills, or in general, so you don't know how much this meant for me 🥺❤️ I wish I could assertively express how much I appreciate you, your support, and your words 😭❤️ but I hope a thank you will be able to convey such sentiments.

Have a wonderful day, take care of yourself, and hope to see you soon ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[creepling]

Do you have any writing tips for newer writers? I love how well-written and immersive all of your work is and I would love to know some of your tips/tricks!

oh idk but i'll try the best i can!! it works differently for each writer but this is some things i think benefit me when i write:

thesaurus' and dictionaries are your best friend!! it's like having a calculator for maths, it helps you so much with finding the right word. or if you're repeating a word too much, you can find another that is similar. there are plenty of resources online and they're pretty up to date nowadays.

read read read. i've noticed reading impacts my writing a lot. this doesn't necessarily mean you have to read 24/7 or read specific things. if you read fanfic, you're already on the path for training your brain to like certain styles and pick up on things like pacing, style, etc that work good in fanfiction.

refer to headcanons. i like to view headcanons as a synopsis for what i like to explore in writing. having headcanons written down or in your head can act as inspiration and an idea. if you can flesh it out, go for it!

also, write all your ideas down. the amount of amazing ideas ive had that have never came to writing bc i forgot to write it as a reminder. notes app is helpful for those awkward moments u get an idea, but don't be hesitant, write that shit down!! it could be a masterpiece.

as for writing itself and making it engaging, honestly idk the overall answer. practice some drabbles and blurbs and find out what you specifically like to write. is it the descriptions of characters or scenario? is it action? train of thought? most writers have that one thing they love to write and others are a pain in the arse.

of course all those aspects are important, but if they become a bit of a slob to write don't waste your time on it. keep it short and sweet, get to the point, then spend your time writing the ascepts that make your work shine.

when you start writing, you might think it's shit. you will be your most harshest critic. it's okay to abandon works and move on, but never delete them!! keep all your progress in case you want to go back to it.

depending on what i'm writing for, my use of language tends to adapt with the source material. i don't do it on purpose, it just feels natural. and it benefits your work in being viewed as "authentic".

for example, since i've been writing for johnny, i've noticed my writing using language similar to how southerners speak, or similar to language conveyed in american literature. so if you wanna make your writing immsersive, that's a good technique to have. but don't get hung up on it too much, writing in your voice is just as important!! make yourself heard<33

immsersiveness can get tricky when talking in second person ("you") since it is a generalisation of the audience. try to stear the depths into the canon and have the reader be the witness of it, like they're stepping into the story.

one last point, proofread!! i use grammarly for rough drafts then i keep rereading and rephrasing until my head explodes. it's the worst part about writing, but it has to be done. you'll be itching to post it for people read it, but make sure everything is correct and you're conveying what you're wanting to say so that comes across to the reader. thankfully the fanfic community have betas, so if you're comfortable having a moot read it for pointers, that's a handy thing to have<33

happy writing, anon<33

[sunnyyflowerrs]

HI SUNNY!

for the fic writers ask:

How about 4, 13, 16, 23, 33, 59, 61, and 77 (from fire extinguishers!)

HI LUCKY!! thank you for the ask!!1 <3

4. Where do you find inspiration for new fics? 

hmm mostly i’m just ill abt itafushi and i see them in different situations, in music, in movies, and it’ll just spark stuff! also im a fanfiction warrior so i just have a lot of tropes in my head from stuff i've read

13. What’s a common writing tip that you always almost follow? 

whenever i write there is a little voice in my head that’s whispering “show don’t tell”. it’s the one piece of writing advice I’d heard before i started writing shhshshs so i try to let word choice, actions, and characters show the themes im trying to convey rather than say them directly. key word TRY. 

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing rn? Share one of them. 

tbh not too much. i think the biggest one rn is the angst fic im working on! i dont wanna reveal too much but it might be a main character death fic ... kinda going through itafushi's life pre and post canon! i like how it's turning out so far, but it still has a long way to go before i post

23. Best writing advice for other writers? 

lol ummm i don’t really have much. don’t write when you’re burnt out! if you start hating everything you write, that means you need a BREAK! i think that’s all i got 

33. Do you want to be published one day? 

hmm i havent thought about it much. i love writing, but i dont have any strong ideas for original work yet, so its not coming anytime soon, nor am i at the level to publish any of my work. maybe after i settle down i'll consider it though!

59. Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? If not, would you tell anyone? 

not a single soul. and probably not? idk i just feel like they wouldn’t get it and/or would tell me that i should be working on school/work so it’ll stay between me, ao3, discord, and god for now.

61. Why do you continue writing fics? 

i just love itafushi so much ❤️ i love them, i love their characters, and i love seeing them fall in love over and over.

also ive got a bunch of writing friends now who encourage me to be a better writer and push myself so they’ve been a big inspiration too!

77. Do you have a favorite scene from 🧯?

this is like asking me to choose a favorite child. ok so like, stylistically, i think some of the best writing is around the second fire and the prison fire. but i think like the most satisfying moments for me are reveals in the case - one of my favorite chapters chapter 19 because it all comes together! and also the rhododendrons. felt rlly big brain for that one.

thank you soo much for the ask, sorry its so late <//3

[rarepairnation]

3, 23, 24, 25, 27 and 30? 💕

hi hi ria!! blessings of rain be upon ye...

3. how you feel about your current wip

i am RATTLING the bars of the cage in my brain!!! by that i mean the faramir goes to rivendell au is possibly my favourite best thing ive ever written i am just stuck in the mudpit of the current conversation and i would like to. not be there. but i really do love working on it it feels like gradually assembling a structure around a framework and when i step back and really look at it its just. jrr tolkien and i are having A Conversation. you know? like yes!! i AM transforming the work!! i AM deciding whether he would fucking say that and i do think i am right at least 92% of the time!! ive had the concept of the au in my head for probably 3-4 years at least and i feel like. well i was never really going to feel Ready to write it. and yet i am grabbing it in my hands and doing it anyway and it IS making me a much better writer and i can Feel it. yeah i love it.

and umbar fic/situationship au is just me pushing the bounds of do it weird/do it horny/do it self-indulgent and it is. SO MUCH FUN. i think there has always been a little block in my head stopping me from doing that i mean like everything i write is kind of like. this is specifically created to cater to me. but the panopticon in my head is a crazy thing. but step by step we are defeating it. this is like the next step up from just so long as this thing's loaded which was kind of my first time pushing those bounds and. i mean there are a lot of things about that one that i think i could improve now (this is my REAL answer to that "would you rewrite anything" question from the other ask meme) but it definitely got me here. never underestimate the power of a rarepair to make you WEIRD. (<- abby rarepairnationcore sentences...)

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

what is this a job application? LOL just kidding but i do suck at these. um. atmospheric. character-driven (yes this is two words but it is true). interrogative (i am IN THERE with. either the original text. or the minds of the characters. shakes u like a snow globe WHAT is going on in your head).

24. how do you recharge when you're not feeling creative?

im really bad at this. like actually spectacularly abysmal. i mostly sit around feeling sorry for myself for three to nine months. until i eventually buck up the motivation and executive function to actually (re)consume a piece of media and more often than not it will seize me by the throat and lead me out of the pit. yeah this does usually work best with things ive seen before that will awaken a dormant fixation.

25. besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

going to the grocery store. doing my dishes. LOL ok when i am Not Writing A Novel-Length Fic i knit. one day i will start doing it again i want to make. the extensive sweater vest collection of my dreams. but i already have this repetitive stress injury because i type for eight hours at work and then come home and type for four more and i think if i started knitting again on top of that i would immediately crumble to dust. and um. is that it? that can't be it. i do calligraphy sometimes. WAIT LOL I BIND BOOKS. -> @hexagonspress

27. your favourite part of the writing process

omg ok i'm not sure if this is like my Top Number One Favourite but ive recently started really enjoying drafting out ao3 tags and start/end notes it's really fun to work out what things i want people to notice that i might wanna talk about in the end notes and compressing everything down into tags (to varying extents) is also just a neat way to think about like. what was i trying to capture/convey with the fic. e.g. whether i wanna be really wordy with it and get it all out in there or just have the reader go in pretty much blind.

30. share a fic you're especially proud of

maybe i'll never shut up about TO THE VERY DEAR MEMORY OF [ ] but like...you guys. i love it so much. it's so so experimental because the place in my mind that is wrapped around yancy becket is so....complicated and full of grief and fundamentally altering to my brain chemistry and i can only capture it through the world's craziest extended metaphors but i kind of feel like i pulled it off. it is like truly the tip of the iceberg of a LOT of stuff that is really fundamental to honestly a lot of my? lotr work? i mean the way i think about water metaphors...the fundamental dead brother complex baked into my writer's brain...it's all pacific rim in there. this fic marinated in my head for THREE YEARS. that is the longest from inception to completion that any of my (published) work has existed (unpublished is a whole different story. there's a longfic that i created at the beginning of my freshman year of college and has stuck around into postgrad. i mean. girl). i wrote the poem that each first line of every section is extracted from in my parents' house during covid lockdown. and then it just had to sit and develop and develop until the yancy becket death anniversary this year yanked it forcibly out of my head and into a fully-formed format.

fic writer's asks

[majoringinsarcasm]

Meh

The thing about me is that I would love to make an appointment and ask my doctor hey can you refer me to some screening places so I can see if I have anything and then I go to the place and they do the test

And if they’re like congratulations you do I’d be like sweet I love learning about myself

But if I Don’t have anything and my brain is just Like This I’d be. Sad. Like an explanation for all the stuff I did as a kid and how my brain reacts to things and how I react to stress and all that. Amazing.

But if I’m just Like This naturally and there’s no word or name or diagnosis or theory it’s just How I Am.

And then the whole oh you just want attention oh everyone is blank these days. Is just simply not true. Because people know and see how you treat others and they are way less likely to confide in you about anything.

So yeah I’d like to officially Know yes or no, but I’m afab shaped and have been acting a certain way for y Wes and bottling things up that could just be regular depression which I already know I deal with clinically or less severely like I’ve got that. Which could also just affect everything else but I know I wasn’t Depressed as a child or at least my actions weren’t related to my sadness

Anyway. I feel silly. It’s not something to Want for, ADHD or autism or anything. I feel like this post is “oh I wanna be different so bad please give me the different gene tee hee” but it’s just me as an adult wondering if yeah. Maybe something Is different about me that I wasn’t able to think about as a child and is it too late to find out. After years of Performing Well would I even show anything on the test. How do I convey I think about my feelings more than feel them in a way that’s not trying hard to prove something they may not be true.

I say that as if it’s bad or wrong to be neurodivergent and that’s Not what I mean at all. I’ve always phrased it as “what if something is Wrong with me” growing up which is not meant to be negative. Ive just felt differently from my peers and Wrong was the best word bc again most of these feelings are caused by stress or the depression so Wrong as in other ppl don’t seem to react this way.

Idk man. You’re never too old blah blah but I’d like to know? This doesn’t even go into being black and how my family never talks about this kind of stuff and in the past was actively against the idea of my younger sibling being on any spectrum which is still likely. I’ve been the Good older sibling who talks to ppl and communicates and can fake it and do all the proper things but that’s bc I’ve been copying others from tv and books and other humans. Over a long time. Kid me couldn’t do all this stuff adult me Has to do.

Idk. Lol. I wish I could ask little me how she felt if she noticed anything at all. I’ve got memories and pretty vivid ones at that but asking an adult who’s buried stuff for a long time if they “like parties or prefer to stay at home” or “if they like organizing” feels unhelpful. Bc it’s not a yes or no and it depends on how I feel and how motivated I am.

Anyway I go back to work tomorrow after not being scheduled for a week and my job makes me sad and this is something I’m sad and worried about.

[1186e]

hi. so like. i fucked up. i fucked up severely. i know i did, and i can take full responsibility for that now. if youre wondering why it took eight months, well, we can leave it at there were complications, number one being i thought you didnt want something like this. from the moment i was clearheaded enough to start writing an apology, the lack of any word from you made me wonder if you really wanted one. and then todds message would ring in my head and tell me it wasnt wanted here at all.

i dont really know how to convey how much i regret everything or how to even apologize correctly but i figure ive got to do this one way or another. i just really dont want to leave off with… whatever the fuck i said in psychosis, i can barely remember. all i have are my assumptions on what i fucked up, but assumptions are what got me here in the first place, so this is about to be Very Unprofessional And Meandering

ok so the first and most obvious thing to apologize for is. the repeated attempts at disappearing. trying to explain why is like trying to untangle a gordian knot. all i can say is im sorry. im sorry it happened and im sorry it kept happening and im sorry i hurt you. i quite literally wasn't thinking. i was reacting to things i did not tell you about in the moment like some kind of wounded animal. there is a lot a lot a lot i kept from you since december 2019 and like. i really regret keeping it all to myself. maybe having told people would have changed something, but thats a what-if no one can do shit about, and it dont matter any more. i think ive left enough ghosts regardless of whether or not i wanted to

with that out of the way i can try to explain it in other ways. one of the things i really want to say here is there was no resentment. this wasnt a "holding grudges and exploding at the last minute" thing. i was never angry. i did not get that across, ever. i cant think of a time in the last 3 years where i was ever actually mad at you. again, i dont think it ever really seemed like that. i want to say again: you never did anything to make me mad or upset. the reality on my side was much more messy and confusing cos i barely know myself at the best of times, and i know ive been mad about plenty of OTHER things, which makes it more confusing to parse. i want to clarify: you did nothing to upset me or make me hold grudges. the last time, the one i remember the most, i did not leave cos you made me mad or upset or insulted or something. this is going in circles now but what im trying to get to is i thought you wanted me gone. it was fear. i thought all of you there couldnt stand me. a simple sentiment that comes from a clusterfuck of extremely confusing circumstances and signals, and a prophetic one. everything seemed to say i wasn't wanted there. i dont know how to word this except that like. it felt like i was treated different? in a way i could never put words to. a feeling of being on thin ice, or seeing how everyone reacted to each other and seeing how they reacted to me and feeling like it was. less. less good. less enthusiastic. i have no clue if it was the depression refusing to let good memories or good things remain in my brain or the other disorder convincing me the good was somehow bad but i felt like i was a minor character to use. a stupid metaphor. every time i wanted to leave or left it was chasing a feeling of 'i have to go now or they'll kick me out, or im on the cusp of making them hate me somehow'.

anyway what im trying to get to here is just this: you did nothing wrong. you couldn't have known this, or anything going on with me, since i didnt tell anyone and i didnt even realize what was happening until i physically got away from some people i was forced to be around irl. and i know this sounds like an excuse or something but i could not exist around them without them reinforcing incredibly bad habits and insecurities. you did the best you could with the scraps i gave anyone. none of this is your fault. i kept. a lot a lot a lot of secrets cos i was scared of telling people. anything i guess. i am a moron and it is my fault cos i thought i could handle everything on my own back then if only i could try harder and the only thing it did was result in confusing everyone around me + breaking down some of the best relationships in my life. one of those was you, in case it isnt clear.

anyway. back to the point. i know now it feels like i was giving you the silent treatment or attempting to punish you for something unless im getting that very wrong. i have only recently been exposed to people talking about how it feels to be on the other end of this also. i didnt think about how it feels to have someone suddenly and without warning pull away from you (obviously) especially when its not only been once but a repeated occurrence. i also know it doesnt make sense to someone thinking normally, but in those delusional (and when i say delusion i mean it with sincerity, not exaggeration or self depreciation), incredibly stressed out moments, the backwards thinking of "if they want me around they'll reach out, if they don't they wont" felt like it was logical. sometimes people run when they want to be followed but how the fuck are you supposed to know that? the insane logic of "if these people really loved me theyd violate the boundary they thought i put up". no part of this makes sense to me anymore but its easy (for me) to trace the disordered thinking into why it did at one point. but its not healthy and its a stupid as fuck thing to try to pull on other people. and its not good cos. the only person who ever followed that logic and approached me when i was isolating was someone who Wanted to isolate me.

and i know it sounds delusional to say someone could do this and do it on a basis where they didnt want to hurt someone (it quite literally is!) but that was. basically the only thought in my head at the time. i thought my presence was an active detriment + i didnt think i would be noticed if i was gone + i thought leaving would make things better for other people + my first instinct when dealing with the. incredibly intense emotions i was going through at the time is self isolation and online that always seems to manifest as freak out and delete everything or try to + i thought i was approaching the point where i was going to be left so my kneejerk reaction was to leave and be hurt on my own terms or at least leave until the feeling passes + L all around. and im taking the leap right now (too late) in trying to trust that this was all just made up in my head and you felt none of this (at the time at least), this was all transference on my part from. this other. honestly really terrible group i was in (i think i complained about them once or twice where you could see, but about other. petty things i could find words for and not. some other things). and from people i talked to everyday constantly trying to convince me of this. i dont think like this anymore. i recently got back into contact with some people i used to be close with years ago who people irl made sure i isolated myself from and the realization that i can be missed and thought about when im not there hit me like running into a brick wall. i know this sounds like. stupid as shit and probably fake but like. i just was convinced of it?

one thing i have to stop and try to explain here is these actions were like. normal to me. no hostile intent behind them. i have friends that do this to me all the time. i have one whos disappeared on me for months at a time who ive been friends with for a decade, who doesnt answer a single message until she suddenly does and is back until she disappears again. i got used to it i guess. i had another friend group who does this all the time, too (that one i just mentioned), so i didnt think anything of it. people have done it to me irl as well so i guess i just. thought you would react like i do and put it out of your mind until it resolved itself (and if you think 'hey this is contrary to the wanting to be followed idea', it is, and its cos im a hypocrite and my brain followed no logic). i thought the reason id fucked up these times myself was i couldnt cut and go as cleanly as they could cos part of me still wanted to just. stay. and play stupid games with you. i didnt realize my absence would be noticed, i thought it would be better for everyone if i was gone for at least a while, i didnt realize the kind of panic and worry that instills in normal people (especially since when id isolate before i ever met you guys it never seemed to), i didnt think it was possible for someone to worry over me, and i didnt know that sort of thing was linked to something traumatic for you specifically. i wish you'd told me earlier. or maybe you did and i fucking forgot, in which case, im sorry for that too, ive been incredibly tunnel visioned on my own situation for. years. and its made me a really. really shitty friend

i dont think i ever like once opened up to you or anyone about. anything? any of this. any of how my brain worked or how i was doing or what was going on. i bitched a lot, more as the situation i was in actively got worse and made me a worse person , but like. i dont think i ever actually had a conversation with any of you about it. and thats my fault. this is like, really stupid to admit after it already happened, but part of me was sure if i did, if i was really honest and you got a look at how fuckt all my problems were, you'd leave.

and i want to say that came out of nowhere but i cant. i had another group of friends, mentioned before, where that also felt normal. there was someone in there who weaseled my bpd diagnosis out of me and then she like. used this as an example of why i was a bad person and couldnt be trusted, cos she had someone who hurt her who had bpd or something, but they let me stay "on thin ice" if she could "mediate those behaviours". this resulted in a lot of very confusing shit i can barely remember aside from the fact it started around the same time we got the kicked outnotice, around september 2020. but one of them i do remember was when id say i cared about someone or drew something for them she accused me of lovebombing people and said "if people really cared about what you were giving theyd give something back, so stop". and every time i tried to google it i felt like i couldnt prove her wrong. so i ended up like. stopping any and all displays of affection to friends. that statement alone ended up reinforcing a terrible ass. transactional view of things that i know i ended up freaking out with you about at least once. and im sorry about that, too. it was beyond ridiculous and theres no excuse for that

anyway if this feels like its not related to anything, one of the things i wanted to apologize for is im not sure if you noticed like. a sudden drop off in my ability to express affection to you or other people but. that was why. and then while i was high and struggling to get my head around something that happened to me in early april that group exploded and she pointed at me and said i was a terrible person. which is about when i came back with the. im not sure if im remembering what i said right but "why do you care" and the. what was the other thing? that it was better without me? i didnt mean it as angry although i can understand now why in that situation itd be interpreted as lashing out. i meant it as a genuine question. i did not get that across. i was struggling to understand why anyone would care about me at all at in that moment and also very out of touch with reality. maybe fuckin (dialogue tags) like an elcor would have helped idk. i dont know why i suddenly messaged you out of the blue like that all i can think of is like. youd made the feeling go away before and i was hoping that could happen again but i had no clue how to approach anyone first of all and secondly thats a ridiculous burden to put on another person and im so sorry for that

i remember something like insisting i wasnt an attentionwhore when youd messaged me before and like i know you must have not had a fucking clue where that came from and i didnt know where to go with an "okay" so i didnt. say anything. and it was a ridiculous outburst cause by like. this terrible thing that happened in april that goes back to march that like. i still dont know how to talk about. but something happened and when i tried to tell people about it i made the mistake of assuming these people liked me and when i tried to come clean about something that had happened to me i got called an attentionwhoring freak and i got dropped in favour of. someone else. and i was trying really really really fucking hard to act normal but i could interact with nothing and do nothing except give my things away and stare at a screen and i didnt know who i could tell and it was your birthday month and i didnt want to make it about me but i fucking. did in the end. ruined that whole thing. im sorry i fucked up april for you and im sorry i never finished that art i said id make for it and im. sorry i never told you anything earlier that could have averted this. the timing was too awful it was too close to. your birthday and we were always doing something in that mmo and it felt like something bad was always happening to you too and. i dont know. i thought it was a space i couldnt take up and that no one wanted me to. i guess it all comes back to the fear again i was too scared to ask if i could tell anyone and i was too scared to. admit anything was happening. even after the point where it was really obvious. if i admitted it i had to admit to myself i didnt have control over what had happened

although from everything that was said to me im assuming i ruined things long ago and no one ever told me. so to the point: im sorry i ruined your life and for being a shitty friend. i'm sorry for being so fucking weird and cagey and unable to explain or communicate anything at all. now that ive been actively trying to trust someone theres nothing i regret more than not being able to do it sooner and all the fuckin. hurt and confusion my lack of trust caused

another thing i want to apologize for is like. the several times id tried to talk to you about something but came off very aggressively. i never realized how weird it was to approach people like that until like. well for one your reactions to it. but until i left the situation i was in irl and got to interact with a Normal Person everyday that was just like. how things happened around me. i didnt realize it wasn't normal, i thought that like, your patience and kindness and understanding in response was abnormal and i didnt know how to respond to that. i mean, it certainly defused me every time. you are like a master of deescalation but im guessing that comes with your job. anyway what i wanted to say here was i'm sorry for always approaching things so aggressively, especially if that was the lashing out. i thought i was learning to communicate better but i wasn't. i certainly wasnt fucking communicating That or Anything that was Happening. and like im sorry for the stress that caused you being faced with sudden aggression like that and trying to figure out what the fuck my problem was

another thing i want to apologize for is the like. idk how to describe this one except for "promoting callouts and cherry picking". i know you already know what im referring to. i dont know why i did this considering it fed back into my paranoia too but the only thing i can think of is considering how fucking shitty my situation was i wanted control over something. and sometimes that was 'look at how terrible these people are'. which is not an excuse for the behaviour, i should have remembered you were also in a shitty situation you had little control over. ever since i got to live away from the toxic sludge dump and got medicated this literally means nothing to me but i know it probably stoked your own paranoia too and im sorry about that. everything i brought up was a ridiculous thing to draw lines over. memories of some of the things id gotten tilted over come back to me sometimes and i put my head in my hands. im sorry for the stress i caused here too!

im trying to think of other stupid ass things ive done and like. i am also sorry for being. so secretive? if you understand. like telling you not to tell people stuff. i think you already know what sort of complexes were making me do that, given how many times ive told people stuff and then had them turn around and make fun of it in a private group. but also i was not dealing w that in a healthy way at all and making some pretty ridiculous demands, like of even keeping something from your twin? even something that innocuous? i want to say im not that stupid but i was the one who asked. and to that end i dont care what you do with this apology or who you share it with im sure theres shit in here that deserves to be made fun of to hell and back.

and that is all i can remember to apologize for, but im assuming to have been cut out like that there must be a shit ton im not remembering. one of the only things i can remember you saying before you left was "you say you wont be an asshole but are" and thats just vague enough it could be literally anything i just brought up, but if its not one of those, and you want an apology for it. you know where to find me on discord i assume im in your block list. also if you just want to like. yell at me. for all of this. you can. its fine. you can do that and then block me again idk and like. thats what i get

and i know this is a whole ass fucking essay and i really really hope this is 'explanation' and not 'excuse'. i dont want any of this to excuse what i did, because i know it was fucking awful and i will never be able to apologize enough for what i put you through. to use one of those cliche apology lines, but like with sincerity, there is no excuse for my behaviour, and none of what happened is your fault. its mine and a result of my fuckups and my insecurities and my twisting myself into knots. you were like unfailingly kind and patient even when i read you or a situation wrong, the only fault here lies with me and my trust issues and the fact i could just not. get myself to believe. and being too zeroed in on what i was going through to consider how i was affecting other people. now that i actually want to be here there are like. so many things i wish i could go back and change. but i cant. i have to live with how i was immature and emotionally reactive and terrified of everything and. everything i fucked up when i thought i would not live long enough to see the consequences. i guess another thing i want to apologize for is theres definitely some times i probably made you feel like you were still at your job dealing with a child lmfao

a lot of this happened cos like. i dont know how to put this (how many times have i written that so far) other than being like. completely unaware of what i am to people and desperate for some kind of indication i was as significant in other peoples lives as they were in mine, which felt fundamentally impossible, but was also something i was just too fucking scared to ever try to ask directly. or i guess it felt like if i had to ask i was being manipulative or forcing you into a situation where you had to give a nice answer cos you didnt want to upset me or something and i didnt. want that. (which i guess ties in again to lack of trust. like not trusting you to give an honest answer. im not sure why) which makes no sense cos in the end the trying to see without asking ends up. more manipulative? i mean thats obvious but the thought somehow never occurs in the moment. and i could not read any of you at all and the feedback loop was an electric chair. or i guess like. i was constantly asking the question 'do you still love me even though im made of flaws' again and again until i got the no that validated my worldview. and i did not reciprocate the care shown to me at any point. i could not love u or anyone in a way that mattered.

i guess what it comes down to is i was a massive cunt and for what. i dont even know anymore. i sit here and the self preservation looks stupid as shit and didnt even preserve my self in the end, and was directed at the wrong fucking people. king of making mountains out of grains of rice on the floor.

i dont like. want to be your friend again or even forgiven. i dont think this works like that i dont think ideserve that. i just want to end things on a less confusing note i guess. i hope this is less confusing. somehow? it is all of my fucking issues irt what lead to this laid bare i guess or at least as bare as i can make it right now and if all you have in response is a "get help and leave me alone freak" itd be deserved

i guess to get to the actual point of all this. im sorry. you deserved better than this. i think i might have made it feel like you were responsible for my emotions or behaviour, which i didnt want to, and you werent. i was responsible for every shitty reaction and thought i had no matter the circumstances, i was the one who could have brought things up and made myself feel better at any point but i never did. and i never knew what i needed in the moment so i asked for stupid things that never helped and only confused people, especially when i didnt realize the scope of what id done and tried to move on asap since lingering on the. memories of the things that instigated whenever this would happen was. a lot.

you met me at the weirdest fucking time in my life and i wish i could have been a good friend instead. im sorry for everything, for not learning how to communicate in time to avert this dumbass self-created tragedy of an ending, for the bad faith takes, for the aggression, for any worry or panic i created. i wish i could make things better or fix things or make amends somehow but like i have no clue how to and i dont think anyone would let me. you have a lot of good people looking out for you! im sure they can help you better than i can. i was the one who pushed this until it broke so it feels like the only thematically fitting thing i can do is disappear right this time.

i dont expect you to look past any of this shit or even respond but like, if you have been at any point, please dont worry. about me trying to contact you again or just about me in general. im not your problem anymore and im in a way better space. i guess one last thing i regret is not being able to leave my situation in time for that to really matter here. i hope untangling the things we wrote together hasnt been too painful for you. im sorry i turned out to be the kind of person who has to try to write a hedge maze of an apology like this. this is like not even an apology anymore its just like a goodbye letter and its taking ages so

i do want to let you know you were unfailingly kind to me and its my fault i floundered and didnt know how to react to that. im sorry i wore out that kindness and patience. im sorry for all the love i was too stupid to know what to do with and forgot about and now can never repay even for the bits i do remember. this was not a relationship i wanted to push until it broke but i did! i thought in the moment i was only hurting myself but i wasnt! it never crossed my mind that someone who is your friend can't stand there and watch you hurt yourself without being hurt in turn. and im sorry that now we both have to deal with the fallout of. me. i hope in some way this makes that easier on you at least. it wasn't your fault, you werent responsible for my behaviour, i won't bother you again, and i realize now that going dfe and not giving anyone a name to block was like, a shitty paranoia inducing thing to do, so here's me giving you one. i hope the damage i did for you doesnt last long + the detox and recovery is. not so bumpy at least

i really dont know how to end this since like. everything ive read about apologies in the past few months (you can laugh at me for looking. none of it helped) says like. tell them how you wont repeat this. i cant tell you that cos there is nothing to repeat cos there is nothing here and nothing to go back to. i guess what i can say is im sorry i made it that way. now i live with someone who doesnt love to trigger those same relationship paranoia spirals. about the best thing to come of this situation, even if it didnt seem like it at the time, was that it was enough of a world-shattering event to make me realize physically i had to get away from where i was or nothing would ever change. i think cos of this, and cos of some things you guys taught me that i can only try applying now, i can be a better friend to people. but not you. i wish i could refund you guys any of the damn money you spent on me

ok so like. this has dragged on forever. both this and the waiting for. so thank you for being in my life for the short period you were. the three years (and a half?) we knew each other were good i think you guys were one of the best parts of those years despite how i acted. i wish id been more grateful and im sorry i wasnt as good a friend to you as you were to me. i hope the rest of december is good to you and i hope the holidays and new years are fun. i fucked up last nye cos i thought you didnt want to spend time with me and was trying to play it off casually, and you deserve better than that, too, so like i hope the one you get this time is better and memorable. i hope the rest of your life is happy and you get back the good you put into the world someday. thank you for taking the time to read this far. alright. goodnight and goodbye

[sneakyscarab]

alrighty, ive now caught up from my backlog of touhous that ive beaten, so the pace from now on is gonna slow down since i need to beat the games first before i write about them. who knows though, if they take as long as this one did maybe i can keep up this pace :P

nina's thoughts on Touhou 12 - Undefined Fantastic Object

so funny story, after Subterranean Animism took me like two weeks to finish, i went into UFO expecting a similar result, but i ended up clearing within a single day. twelve (12) attempts of UFO and i had already got my 1cc! im a bit impressed with myself tbh, but i think i was helped by the gameplay changes in UFO that make it a bit easier.

for starters, real bombs are back baby! no more trading attack power for survivability, full power bombs are here again as a seperate resource. life pieces stick around, but now boss fights only give one out when you defeat their last phase. you would think this makes life pieces incredibly scarce, but theres another entirely new source for them: the titular Undefined Fantastic Objects. some enemies now drop little ufos that fly around the screen that come in one of three colours. when you pick up a ufo it goes into a small tracker in the corner, and when you collect 3 in a row all of one colour, or 1 of each, then a Big UFO spawns on screen. the UFO sticks around for about 10 seconds, slurping up every collectible that shows up onscreen. for each item it grabs, a meter around the ufo fills up and at max it drops an item depending on the colour, and when destroyed it drops another item plus everything it picked up. rainbow ufos drop more small ufos, green gives you a bomb on full meter and a bomb-piece on kill, red gives you a life piece on both, and blue does… something? i don't know. i never saw any items pop out of a blue ufo, and i prioritized blue ufos the least. i can only assume they do something relating to points since those are blue, but i honestly have no idea cause i beat the game before i had to go look anything up about it. once i figured out red guys gave you life i basically hard-focused proc'ing red ufos as much as possible, going for rainbow or green when red wasnt possible. as weird as the ufos are, i have to say their mechanics are conveyed surprisingly well without any real tutorials or even words, just really solid ui design.

the last new addition to the gameplay comes in the playable characters, Sanae is here now! wooo Sanae lets go! obviously Reimu and Marisa are here too, each of them get 2 weapon options so theres still only 6 total. i gave each one a shot, although some of them i literally only played once lol. Reimu has the standard homing shots and needles, Marisa has her illusion lasers but a new secondary weapon that shoots in sort of branching V-shapes, with a couple shots going behind her as well as in front, which i didnt find many uses for in my brief experience with it. illusion laser is the only one of these that i played more than once, as i put most of my focus into Sanae. both of Sanae's movesets are pretty neat, her first one was my weapon of choice for my 1cc attempt. based on Kanako, she shoots out snake beams that fly vertically, and then if they see an enemy to their left or right they take a 90 degree turn, making for an interesting type of homing. her other set, based on Suwako, shoots out frog beams in a wide fan angle, or straight ahead when focused, that explode into lingering AoE damage when they hit a target, which is great at clearing out huge swarms of enemies. i really like how her movesets sorta play off of Reimu's homing shots and Marisa's piercing lasers, but in very different ways compared to the two of them.

for the new characters, my favourite is probably Kogasa. this poor umbrella girl just wants to be scary, but shes inherently too silly-goofy and struggles to do what she as a youkai is Supposed to do. she's trying her best though, and looks adorable while doing it. i believe in you Kogasa!

i wasn't expecting to be a Ichirin & Unzan fan, but they surprised me. Ichirin is basically a stand user, a buddhist monk who controls her partner Unzan, a old man wind spirit with a powerful beard and even more powerful fists. the spell cards involving Unzan are great, seeing his huge angry face show up and throw hands is just hilarious. the best one by far though is their final attack, what i would call the absolute funniest spell card of the entire series so far: Thunderous Yell 「A Scolding from a Traditional Old Man」. if the name alone didn't convince you, the visuals are also hilarious, with two massive Unzan faces appearing on each side of the screen and shooting angry eye lasers at you. just look at it. perfection.

it's become a pattern in these posts that i talk about three new characters, but none of the others in UFO really stood out to me. if i had to pick one id go with Captain Murasa, just cause pirates are cool, but i don't have much more to say about her lol. sorry UFO crew!

anyways i think its about time to wrap this one up. thankfully i kept this one short so we dont have another SA essay situation lol. UFO is pretty fun, if a little bit Too easy with how much free stuff you can get from good ufo management. the story and characters really didn't stand out to me, and with how quickly i finished this one i don't expect it to really stick out much in my brain once i finish the series. if anything from UFO sticks it probably will just be Unzan's laser eyes. can we play that back one more time? thanks.

[03230]

wow. one thing i gathered after reading this fic is that i feel empty. there is a big hole in my chest and i cant explain it but woah

youve been my fav writer for quite some time now but this fic exceeded all my expectations. it was so perfect and so well written and i genuinely kept forgetting that this is a fic and not a published book because what the fuck this is better quality than most of the books on my bookshelf

the worldbuilding was amazing - i know u said u "dont know what youre doing" but MAN this was so good?? kev and mika explaining everything truly put everything together.

I love how u managed to write lighthearted scenes like the jacob jichang fight and incorporate it into such a dark fic, it truly made it less heavy to read. once again i applaud you for writing the fight scenes so well because that shit is HARD.

also may i say listening to lana del rey as i was reading this was definitely both my best and worst decision. Just so u know this fic sounds like lana songs beam LOL ill send the specific songs if you are interested-

I will now write a 5 page review of my favorite parts because i can.

OKAY first of all we have this comedic part I LOVE YOUR HUMOR AHAHA

something about him calling the sword bonnie made me so emo its like ugH they are supposed to be together your honor!!!

ATE DIRT OUT OF JEALOUSY I SEE I SEEEEE

another one that made me snort SNSKAKAK

OKAY THIS PART he said he didnt sleep bc he was in the woods all night AND THEN HE BUSTS OUT THIS??!?!?!? okay loverboy i see u picking herbs the whole night to heal ur crush ok ok

not many thoughts about this one i just like it when men blush

THEIR DYNAMIC!! THE BANTER!!!! once again i love how u can bring lightness even to such a heavy fic

"WHO SAID IT WAS EVER AN INSULT" I AM THROWING UP CRYING STOP yn is his human somebody shut me up-

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭shutup

TGIS WHOLE PART OHGOD BUT ESP THIS like wow rhey really cared more abt the safety of the other one than their own and there was just so much love and emotion displayed in this scene

HE MADE SURE EACH ONE HURT!!,!?!! WHY HAD HE DONE IT- IT WAS ABOUT YOU I AM SHITTING MY PANTS oh my fucking god. So much love. SO much love and care.

"Why were you so far away?" Made my heart fall to my fucking stomach its so?? They are always glued to each other and suddenly she is so far away and he is so confused and and and

"Who was he but a creature of evil?" Do u WANT me to cry?? also the "but fuck, you were so far away." I xant. Stop. STOP.

"HE HADNT THE REASON TO. HE WAS SAFE." I AM SO UPSET AND HEARTBROKEN this is so i actually cant..this whole scene is so heartbreakingly beautiful oh god i have no words im speechless

THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LOVE CONFESSION IVE EVER READ IN A FIC I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABT THIS. he is a demon he doesnt even understand love all he knows is he feels so deeply abt her and he doesnt wanna lose her and i wanna kms

YOU WERE SAFE AND SO WAS HE. no. nonono

ACTUALLY help me i cant. such a beautiful end to such a beautiful fic. There was so much love and pain to this fic. i will be thinking abt this for a long while.

if you published this as a book id tab it and underline quotes and reread this every couple of months i love it that much. i am afraid my words may not convey just how much i love this fic and how much more i admire u after this. You outdid yourself, u truly did, i think this one is mt new fav from you. The scene w the pack house burning and yn being abducted by mika's angel made me go all teary eyed, i was SO immersed into this. This genre definitely suits u (u always do a good job tho!!) and if u ever decide to write anything in this similar style, i am SEATED.

please never stop writing and keep blessing us with amazing work, beam. i will always be your biggest fan :)

𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐑𝐒 — part two (viii – xv)

nonidol!ji changmin x f!reader

your sister's dead, but apparently that's not the most shocking news. maybe she wasn't killed on accident, maybe ji changmin isn't really human, and maybe the monsters were never under the bed but all around you...

▷ genre, warnings. strangers 2 reluctant allies/friends 2 lovers, slow burn, demon/supernatural creatures au, angst, action, murder mystery-ish au, forced proximity trope, suspense, gore, depictions of violence and blood, themes of death and grief, use/description of weaponry, swearing, a slightly unreliable narrator bc she has no idea what's happening, reader's sister is dead, humor bc coping mechanisms, almost drowning, drugged drinks, kidnapping, reader has hair long enough to braid sorry, beheading, mentions of skinning someone, blood drinking, the barest of proofreading and editing, ending might feel super rushed (_ _;)

▷ part word count. 25.1k words / 47.4k - read part one here

a/n: hi again 🧍🏻‍♀️ don't try to read this without the part prior. thanks bye!! don't forget to reblog. also big thanks to @justalildumpling for reading all this thru for me :') one of the biggest reasons why this exists finished.

#8—HELL'S FAVORITE ANGEL.

SOMETHING YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT, funnily enough, was what the Hell did Ji Changmin keep in the trunk of his car?

At one point, you'd mused about a body. And then the musing became too real, and you swept it under the proverbial rug. Now, you had to lift the corner of the rug to let the demon crawl back out. You weren't sure if you were going to grimace or scream.

"I fear this won't just be dirty gym socks in the trunk," you muttered while trailing behind the angel and demon with a frown.

Jacob let out a laugh. "Oh, you'll see. It's a lot cooler than dirty gym socks."

That sparked your interest. "Cooler? Can Changmin even be that?"

Changmin whipped an unappreciative scowl over his shoulder at you to the melody of Jacob's second laugh within thirty seconds. "For your information," he drawled with a huff, "Hell is cooler than Heaven."

"Okay, which part of Hell are we talking about?" Jacob snorted. "Do you still have my blade?"

"Oh, yeah. The human has it."

You rolled your eyes. "Oh, so I'm 'the Human' now? And what do you mean I have—" You stopped short and unsheathed Clyde from your pocket. "You mean Clyde?" You gawked at the switchblade in your hand, then at the angel who peered curiously between you, the blade, and Changmin. The lines between dots were materializing in your horizon. "Wait, so when Changmin said he won this in a poker game?—"

"Yes, that's Jacob's blade," Changmin finished with a rather smug gleam in his eyes.

Jacob tilted his head. "You named it Clyde?"

You pursed your lips slightly, your fingers curling around the weapon. "Yes."

"That's cute."

You smiled. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

Changmin made a noise of indignation and marched onward across the town square to his car.

You and Jacob fell into step beside one another as you followed after the tempestuous hellspawn.

Clyde, in your hands, seemed to warm at the presence of his original owner. You chewed on the inside of your cheek before extending the switchblade out to him. "I think this belongs to you."

Jacob shook his head. "No, no. He won it fair and square, and I see he's given it to you. It's no longer his to bargain."

"What do you mean by that?" You asked.

He chuckled, "Ah, well you see—back when he won the poker game, I was salty enough to challenge him to a sparring match to win the angel blade back from him, but we had to put it on hold for reasons."

"So what's gonna be put up for grabs from the sparring match now?"

He pointed to the trunk of Changmin's car. "You're gonna love this."

Practically jogging over to where Changmin was already stationed behind the trunk of his car, Jacob hurried you along. The lid of the trunk rose unceremoniously as you rounded the back end and you found only a long, black case spanning the width of it.

You made a face. "What is it?" You asked, silently thanking whoever was looking after you for not putting a dead body in the back.

Changmin stood between you and Jacob, seemingly reluctant to lean down and unlock the case.

Your breath hitched in your throat at the sight of what laid inside.

There was a long, slim blade made of a metal similar in looks to obsidian, but you highly doubted Changmin would covet a mortal mineral like this. It seemed to hum, in fact, something you knew no human material could do on its own. There was something about its surface that made it wink in purples and blues.

Changmin gently pried the sword out from its molding and held it by the handle. When it was brought to the light, shadows seemed to swirl and curl around the length like creeping vines up a trellis. "The Bonnie to your Clyde," he said lowly, fondly, even as he brushed the pads of his fingers over the flat side over the foreign characters carved into the material.

"You know what an angel blade is, Yn. Now you've seen a demon blade," Jacob said with a wide grin splitting his face in awe.

You couldn't help but share that sentiment. Thus was cool as fuck. "You're telling me you had a demon blade back here this whole time?" Where was this when you'd almost gotten murdered on a motel bedroom floor?

Changmin was just as careful returning the blade back to its case as he had been taking it out. "Yes, and it's gonna stay back here."

Jacob gave a sprite-like giggle. "Wah, your audacity is appalling. It's just gonna make kicking your butt even more fun."

Well, this should be interesting.

The rules of the match were simple.

"No claws or teeth," said Jacob.

"No wings," Changmin shot back.

It looked like Jacob was about to stick his tongue out at his opponent just then. "No tail!"

From your perch at a safe distance away from the two of them on the inn porch, you called out, "You have a tail?"

Maybe it was a trick of the light, but Changmin almost seemed bashful. "In my demon form," he stammered. "Okay, so no supernatural appendages."

"And no out of realm abilities," Jacob added. "Just plain and simple fisticuffs."

With a large majority of the pack members having cleared out go down to Moonstone Creak, it left the entirety of town center for a showdown between an angel and a demon. The atmosphere reminded you of an old Midwest duel with a pistol per man, and ten-paces-fire mentality. Part of you was sorry you weren't going to see their non-mortal forms, but the more you thought about it, the more you realized that was probably a good thing to keep your dreams clear at night.

You weren't sure what to expect from this.

"Best out of three?" Changmin drawled, shaking the hair out of his eyes.

Jacob brushed his own mane back. "Sure. It won't make much of a difference anyways. Count us off, would you please, Yn-ah?"

You straightened at the sound of your name. "Uhm—yeah, okay. How will each round end?"

"With Jacob's back on the ground."

Jacob's eyebrows flew up, and his smile grew teeth. "Oh, hoo! I see we like talking smack with an audience around. Okay, fine." To you, he said while pushing up the sleeves of his shirt, "Each round ends when the other yields."

You nodded warily. "Okay… ready then?"

The hairs on your arms and the back of your neck stood erect as both of them sunk into position, their facial expressions morphing into twin slates of stone. While they were different creatures, they seemed to share the same predatorial sharpness in their eyes.

You swallowed. "Set—begin."

You were certain that they both agreed to prohibit the use of "out of realm abilities," but the ground rumbled when they pounced at each other. It was fascinating, really, how well they both performed hand to hand combat. Each hit seemed to be just as calculated as the next—one predicting the other's moves.

A complicated dance played out before your eyes and you sat on the porch steps too enraptured—or too nervous—to move. Changmin twisted Jacob's arm behind his back, but the angel was swift to counter and slip out.

You had never seen so much power behind an uppercut; never seen any human force their opponent back so hard that dust kicked up when his heels dug into the ground.

You weren't sure how or when it would end—

Changmin swore as Jacob grappled onto his forearm from behind and swung the demon over his shoulder.

You thought it was over.

Changmin's feet hit the ground though, and on they went.

It was during this drawn-out match that you realized there was probably only one way to really beat an equally matched opponent. They were trying to tire the other one out.

Lost in thought, you all but missed it—the maneuver that Changmin used to suddenly have Jacob pinned to the ground, knees digging into the latter's neck.

"Yield," the demon grunted.

There was a flash of movement, and Changmin swiftly released Jacob from his hold.

He locked eyes with you. "He yielded."

"I didn't think you would let him go if he hadn't," you replied, your thumb running over the butt of the angel blade.

Jacob laid on his back with his face to the sky. "Dude, I think we're finally getting the hang of these mortal bodies."

Changmin smiled, shaking his head, "Yeah, and after how long?" He offered his friend a hand and hauled him to his feet. "I remember when you almost jumped out of a tree and forgot you couldn't just sprout wings."

"Listen," Jacob lamented with a wince, "that was one time. And you said we were racing, and my instinct was to fly."

"Born cheater."

"Born hater."

You raised your hand from the sidelines. "So, one to nil. Shall we continue, boys?"

It seemed once you'd reminded them of their purpose for roughing it in the town square, they were back to focus. This time, both were a little out of breath. You guessed that they were pretty damn close to evenly matched then—there was a balance to the pair with Jacob having grander, stronger movements, and Changmin doling out smaller, agiler maneuvers. They were two sides of the same coin, angel and demon.

The second round always generated a heightened bout of tension compared to the first. For the winner of the prior round, this could be his game point of the match; to the loser, it was his opportunity to get even.

You watched their stances steel over, the backs of their heels firmly on the earth. "Ready—begin."

It started off similar to the first time, Intl a little more calculated. With the stakes rising, it was crucial to make the right hits.

Changmin struck first—he had less to lose. An attempted double kick to the stomach ended with his foot caught in Jacob's grasp. The angel twisted; the demon tumbled, taking his foe to the dirt with him.

On they went, and at times, you couldn't even decide who had the upper hand.

From somewhere to your left, you heard the wood on the porch creak. You turned to find Kevin hopping over the railing and making his way over to you, a blue-colored bandana hanging from his fingers. He offered you a smile. "Hey."

"Hey," you said, scooting over to make room for him on the step. "I thought you were heading the search party?"

"Yeah, I still am," he replied. He wasn't even paying much attention to the duo brawling out in the square, just you. "We were about to leave when I realized that my entire party doesn't know what the pendant smelled like, so I was wondering if I could just clean your pendant off with this to carry the scent?" He gestured with the piece of fabric in his hand. "That way, you won't have to be uncomfortable with a bunch of people coming to smell your necklace," he reasoned while cupping the back of his neck.

"Oh, that's a novel idea."

From out in the dirt and sun, Changmin's eyes caught the two of you on the steps of the inn and got half his face rightly smashed into the ground. It was only a split second, but even a split second was mistake enough.

Jacob pressed him down with his entire body weight, and leaned in close with a grin, "Yield, little Hellspawn."

Changmin groaned, but yielded.

As he had done for Jacob, the angel yanked him up off the ground, spitting dirt out from his mouth and wiping it from his eyes.

"Sorry," Jacob said, not very apologetically.

Changmin grimaced as he stumbled over to the fountain at town center and dunked his face in. He furiously scrubbed the dirt off his face and rinsed his mouth. Yuck.

He pulled himself out of the water, refreshed. Brushing his dampened hair back, he blinked the water out of his eyes to see if Kevin had left yet. He hadn't, actually, and still sat next to you. Something he said made you laugh, but then he was leaving, your gaze following—Changmin noticed the slowness in Kevin's gait, how reluctant he was to leave.

"Hmm, didn't think you'd ever eat dirt again after all these years, but I guess there will always be exceptions," Jacob mused. He stretched out his calves and arms, keeping his muscles alive and perked up for the final round. It was one to one after all.

"I was distracted," Changmin said simply. "He wasn't supposed to be here."

Jacob hadn't been blind to Kevin's presence at the inn steps either. His smile turned sly. "Now why would Kevin being here distract you? Curious, curious."

Changmin raised the collar of his shirt up to dry his face as the two of them strolled back to their sparring ground.

You were currently sending him a look with your head tilted to the side in question. Did he dump you in the fountain? You seemed to ask.

He shook his head, making a motion with his hands about how Jacob won the match. To his opponent, he murmured, "She's getting attached."

"And that's a bad thing?"

His automatic thought was no, you getting attached to these people, this place, was not a bad thing. He remembered your state of being back at the college town and how alone you'd been there. Here, it seemed you had people who would care about you, at least. With so much time spent in the mortal realm, he'd learned just how much humans needed each other.

But then again, you and he had a job to finish. "We have to leave soon."

Jacob adjusted the sleeves of his shirt once again since they fell at some point during the match. "Doesn't mean you can't come back."

He wasn't wrong. You seemed, upon reflection, content here. He passed you a glance, but you took that as a signal to start the match.

Changmin and Jacob dropped into their respective stances and charged when given the word.

As soon as Jacob's back hit the ground, you knew it was over. The last round drew out much longer than the preceding ones, and though they both fought fiercely, it was done with exhaustion sewn between each huffing breath, each reeled punch. A fight like this wasn't worth wasting all that energy on, anyway.

"Bonnie stays with you for now, I suppose," Jacob chuckled as the two of them clasped each other's hands in a show of good sportsmanship. Sweat dripped from their bangs and down the slopes of their noses and sculpted jawlines.

Changmin shook his head, "The sword is permanently going to be called Bonnie, isn't it?"

"You did this to yourself, you know." You walked over to them, hands propped on either side of your hips.

"I did," he agreed with his lips pressed together. The dimple in his cheek still threw you off your rocker. "Well, since I have so much dirt in my hair now—"

"Hey! I have to go switch shirts because of you!" Jacob chortled, motioning to his own white T-shirt stained a dusty brown on his back and front, and more on his pants.

"Ah, you need to shower anyways," Changmin quipped back.

Jacob made a waving gesture over his shoulder as he headed back toward the pack house to take that shower. "Yeah, yeah. I can say the same thing about you, Ji."

While Jacob went in his own direction, you and Changmin trudged back over to the inn so he could clean himself up. You wondered how much he really did need to get cleaned up, since you noted no blood or bruises, but the latter wouldn't show up for another couple hours if there were any.

Wait, was that how demon bruising worked—?

"I can hear your mind racing, Yn," Changmin drawled as he hiked up the stairs next to you.

"Not literally, right? I just have to make sure," you added on at the end when he looked over at you.

He absentmindedly scratched his jaw. "No, not literally. You're just easy to read."

Your expression flattened. "Oh."

"Hm."

"Okay, well you owe me some answers." You amended, folding your arms over your chest, "A lot of them, actually."

The sigh that fell from his lips was a familiar one, and he turned his head over his shoulder to check that there wasn't anyone else around. There wouldn't have been since it was only the two of you staying here, and the auntie who ran the inn was somewhere downstairs. "Let's talk in my room."

"Your room?" You squabbled incredulously. To you, Changmin seemed like the type to like his privacy, especially when he got a room to himself. But you questioned no further and he made no additional comments as the two of you entered the space that was his bedroom.

The room itself was similar to yours, but flipped. The wall on the far left was his room shared with yours, his bed pressed up against the far right. The shutters in here remained closed and angled upward so the sunlight outside could peer through, but only at a faint glow. It was enough to get around, at least. The space was spotless, bed unslept in. The sheets were still tucked tightly into place and his backpack sat in the armchair in the corner.

"You didn't sleep?" You voiced aloud, shutting the door behind you while he made a beeline for his backpack. You knew sleep wasn't a demonic necessity, but even so, sleeping for leisure was still something he indulged in, right?

He dug through its contents for a spare shirt and pants to change into after his shower. "No, I went out last night."

Your head perked up from where you'd settled on the very foot of the bed. "Where?"

"The woods—where else?" As if that were obvious. "The circles of Hell are pretty much dark all the time anyway," he said while passing by you to get to the bathroom door. He dumped his clothing items onto the counter and you heard him rip the shower curtain open. "It was—it was just, you know, like exercise and shit. Nothing important."

You opened your mouth to say something, then closed it, losing your train of thought.

The bathroom door shut, but you could still hear the stream of water running behind it.

Did living like this make him uncomfortable? Was he used to moving from place to place, never making a permanent home?

"Changmin." You raised your voice so he could hear you from through the door and over the water.

A faint, "Yeah?"

"What you said, back there during the advising board meeting, when they asked if there was more of this pendant—" You fingered the stone again. There was no one here to gawk at it. "—you said that this wasn't the only one."

For a moment, he didn't answer, and you thought that perhaps he didn't hear you.

Then, "Your sister, she—she had the other half."

You peered down at the stone in your hand and watched its blood ruby surface pulse. If you were careful, you could just barely make out the duller edge versus the sharper one, no doubt where Sena's half would have been. It hadn't even occurred to you that this was only half the necklace, like a locket.

You asked him the next reasonable question. "Where is it?" It hadn't been in the lockbox, nor had it been on her person when she died or at the funeral. Did he have it?

"I'm not sure actually."

Those four words settled heavily over your shoulders. He didn't know. There had to be some connection with how she died then. Someone took it off her body—

"Is that—" The bathroom door opened. You hadn't even realized he finished and was dressed, "—what we're looking for then? You said we have to go to one of her safe houses to find the thing she messaged you about. Is that the thing? Is whoever was following us earlier—were they after my half?"

Changmin leaned against the bathroom door's frame, freshly rinsed off of dirt and grime and sweat, a new set of clothes on his body. He crossed his arms over his chest with a pensive gaze. "They probably were after your half, yes. I didn't really know what she wanted me to find, to be honest. I thought you would have her half, too, but when you only said you found one pendant in the lockbox, my mind shifted into believing she stashed hers in a safehouse somewhere."

That must have been why he reacted like he did that day… how he wanted you to be sure there wasn't anything else in the box.

He continued, "Sena was the one who poured over ancient texts and researched about this. I gave her context about supernatural things and was the muscle where need arose. She knew everything, and now I'm kind of kicking myself in the head for that." He massaged his jaw. "She mentioned something about an activator of sorts. I can't remember all the details, but it would be in one of her notebooks."

"We just have to find them," you murmured.

You and he locked eyes, and he nodded, a muscle feathering in his jaw. "Yeah."

You fiddled with a spare thread from the duvet cover by your hand. "And about the demons—you know, the lower level ones who have been popping up everywhere?"

"Those are easier beings to summon," he breathed out. "Anyone can summon them through a ritual and they'll do your bidding for the price of a sacrifice. Those are usually the ones people are calling upon with their… Ouija boards and pentagrams and shit." They seemed a lot more vicious than the ones that came with pentagrams, but you couldn't speak from experience.

You shuddered at the memory of those teeth engraved into your mind. If anyone could summon those kinds of demons, then it wouldn't necessarily be a demonic entity after your pendant. More details to consider, you supposed.

A thought occurred to him and you saw it come to the forefront of his mind like a lightbulb turning on. He disappeared back into the bathroom and returned with a little paper cup in his hand. He stirred something inside it with a wooden popsicle stick used for coffee and crafts.

"I, uhm…" He stepped toward you, apprehensively, with the paper cup. "I consulted the resident medic for some of that salve the wolves use for bruising. She didn't have anything on hand for humans, but she told me what herbs I could grab from the woods."

When he was close enough, you could see the greenish paste at the bottom of the cup. Your eyes widened in surprise, uncertain of what to do with all this information.

He stood in front of you, teeth biting down on his lip. "Can I see your neck?" His voice quieted at the end, and he cleared his throat.

You could feel your heart stutter in your chest. "Uhm, yeah. Sure." You carefully swept any stray pieces of hair from your neck and to the other side of your shoulder, tilting your head slightly to give him access to it. You didn't know exactly what this was going to do, but for some reason you trusted that it would help.

He took some of the paste onto the end of the popsicle stick and carefully dabbed it over the places where the demon teeth marks vandalized your skin. It was still purplish in some areas, darkened where the teeth had sunken in the deepest to pierce your esophagus. Shallower places had already begun to sallow, but clearly, it wasn't at a supernatural creature's pace by any means.

When he was finished he stepped back to inspect his handiwork. Neither of you had yet to say anything.

You let your hair fall back into place. "Thanks."

You couldn't read him again; you wish you could. "Yeah," he said.

#9—OUT OF REALM.

THE NIGHTS WERE WARM here in the little town of Moonstone Creak. The air was comfortable and settled so comfortably on your skin. No gooseflesh or raised hair or anything.

You sat on the front steps of the pack house to the sound of music being played in the square before you, and wondered if Sena had ever come across something like this in her travels. If she and Changmin had been business partners, so to speak, she must have come across a myriad of supernatural and divine beings.

A couple days had passed since you and Changmin first got here, and the wolves unfortunately were unable to find the source of your pursuers in the white car, who bore the same scent as the pendant around your neck. You almost forgot that was why you both were here in the first place.

A blur of fur flew past you as two wolf pups scrambled down the steps, one chasing the other's tail, in a game of tag. Seeing mothers hold their infant children between jaws of teeth was becoming less and less of a shock, and you found yourself smiling at the kids playing around in the square, beneath the hanging lanterns.

"This seat taken?" You glanced up to meet Kevin's boyish smile, a white dress shirt and board shorts hanging from his frame.

You welcomed him next to you with a smile. "Busy day?" You asked after having not seen him since he left breakfast this morning.

He gave a sigh, leaning back onto his palms. "A little, but it's always nice to take some of the younger ones out into the woods. It's how they build community and stamina."

The two of you peered out at the town center as those dancing around Lily and Sangyeon with their guitar and keyboard cheered to the end of the song. It was merry and vibrant and full of life; no wonder they lived in this pocket of the world—it was to preserve their serenity, and perhaps even their ways of life.

Kevin turned his head toward you. "What about you? How have you filled your day today?"

"Well," you started with a chuckle, "Haknyeon and Eric and I went down to the creak and they taught me how to snatch a fish out of the water with my bare hands."

His grin widened. "Oh, I see. So dinner tonight was on you?"

You snorted, shaking your head. "I would like to take credit for that massive hunk of salmon, but I could barely get my fish out of the water."

"It comes with practice," he assured you, eyes turned up in amusement. "Plus, Haknyeon and Eric have a bit of an advantage over you."

Ah, that was right. Wolf shifters were, for lack of better phrasing, “built different,” as you liked to say. They were stronger, faster, and more alert, with their five senses heightened to a scale you couldn’t put into words. You imagined that shifting between human and wolf forms took a lot of strength and energy, so it made sense in a way. There were also a few humans living among the wolves here besides yourself who either married into the community or simply moved in after visiting or doing business with the town’s inhabitants. You couldn’t blame them for that either. (A part of you, stewing in the back of your mind, humored the possibility of moving here yourself. It seemed almost too good to be true.)

You and Kevin watched as Jacob joined the fray with Eric in tow, the two of them starting a game of “Simon Says.” A thought occurred to you while you observed the angel; there was something distinctly absent from his silhouette. “Kevin?”

“Hm?”

“Why doesn’t Jacob have wings if he’s an angel?” For the entirety of your stay since you met him, he lacked the white-feathered wings characteristic of an angel. Of course, there was also a lack of halo, too, but you thought Jacob’s radiating warm personality was enough to make up for that loss.

Kevin straightened. “Oh, that’s an easy one—he’s in an energy-conserving form. That’s why you don’t see Changmin with the demon horns or tail and stuff. This human form is the base level of this realm, so it’s the most energy-conserving for them while they’re away from their native realms.”

You didn’t expect that your question would lead to a conversation about the mechanisms of the universe. You blinked, then shot him a look you expected told him exactly how you were feeling. “What?”

“Realms,” he repeated with a chuckle. “We have the mortal plane, which is where we are now; the Heavenly sphere, which is where the hierarchy of angels are; and then the circles of Hell.” He nudged your knee with the back of his hand and gestured for you both to move to the bottom step of the porch so he could draw you a diagram in the dirt. Kevin found a small rock lying by his feet and diagrammed the three realms.

“It looks like that,” he said once he was done. “Think of each as not levels, but more like separate rooms.”

You tilted your head at the drawing. “So Heaven and Hell really are just above and below us?”

“Not… exactly?” He winced. “More like pocket dimensions. That’s why energy conservation works how it does when it comes to bodily forms, rather than how humans usually explain it in physics.”

“Don’t expect me to know anything about that.”

He grinned. “Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure this’ll make a lot more sense—there’s a whole lot less math involved. But then again, maybe human physics and this concept is more similar than I’m making it out to be.”

You lifted your shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “I’d confirm or deny, but science was never really my area of expertise.”

“And what’s that? Your area of expertise,” he asked, dropping the rock back onto the ground and resting his cheek against his fist to turn his attention to you.

“Me? Well, I’m in finance and accounting.” You made a face at how human that sounded compared to the subject of your current conversation. Accounting did not measure up to talks of energy conservation and supernatural pocket dimensions. “It was just… kind of the practical route that I had in mind when going into college.” Practicality had driven so many of your decisions throughout your life. It was for the sake of keeping yours and your sister’s heads above water. Sena had never been afraid of chasing her dreams though, so you figured that you would support her and let her go out to do what she wished. But by the looks of where that got her, should you have done that? You didn’t really know.

Kevin bobbed his head. “Practicality is good,” he said softly. “You know, we just lost one of our bookkeepers in town. We could always use another.”

Warmth bloomed in your chest at the sentiment and you couldn’t ignore the tenderness of his gaze, but maybe you were making things up. Your heart pitter-pattered and the pendant at your collar echoed it. “Good to know.”

His lips curled into that pretty smile of his, and he sat up and waved his hand around. “But, uhm, going back to what we were talking about earlier… because Jacob and Changmin are both far away from their home realm, they need to exert a lot more energy to sustain a form that is less supported in this realm.”

You squinted, pursing your lips. “So like… a supernatural version of home court advantage?”

Now it was Kevin’s turn to pause. “Home court ad—I’m guessing that’s a human thing.”

“Yeah, you don’t have to worry about it,” you dismissed. To be fair, your high school had drilled the concept of home court advantage into your head in order to encourage more people to come to sports outings when your school was hosting. The phrase lived in your head because it was etched there. “Ah, so wait—if, let’s say, Changmin went to the Heavenly sphere…”

“If he had any reason to go there,” Kevin said with an ill-concealed grimace, “pray for him.”

That reply did nothing to reassure you. You swallowed, trying to imagine what would happen should Changmin find himself in Heaven, and if Jacob went to Hell. If this was their supported form one realm away… then what would it be two realms away?

“But don’t worry too much about it,” he added swiftly, “demons don’t usually find a reason to go to the sphere. And if there is a reason, they usually don’t stay long enough to find out how much energy it takes to maintain out of realm bodies.”

“Out of realm—I’ve heard that saying before when Changmin and Jacob were sparring a couple days ago. They both agreed not to use any out of realm abilities.”

He hummed cheerily, nodding. “Mmh, yeah. Out of realm usually just refers to the mortal plane here, and any form or abilities that aren’t ‘supported’ like flight or magic—”

“Magic?”

“That’s just what I’ve heard,” Kevin huffed a laugh. “I hope you never find yourself in any of the circles of Hell, Yn, but if you’re ever down there with Changmin, then ask him to turn a rock into a diamond necklace.”

Your eyebrows flew up to your hairline. “So you’re telling me he’s an alchemist?” You hadn’t even thought about what other things your demon counterpart was capable of besides attacking people and brooding.

“Not quite—”

“Alchemy isn’t really the word I would use to describe it,” came Changmin’s drawl from behind you.

You nearly fell backwards off the stairs if it hadn’t been for Kevin’s arm shooting out to grab your wrist. Your heart hammered against your ribcage as you shot Changmin a dirty look. “You—” you sputtered, trying to get your bearings, “—need to stop doing that!”

He quirked a single brow upward, quietly shoving another forkful of blueberry pancake into his mouth. “Not my fault you didn’t hear me coming.”

“I smelled you coming,” Kevin laughed, the sound brightening at the sound of your snort.

Changmin’s expression flattened. He swallowed his bite and impaled another. “Can I talk to you?” He directed the question to you, nudging you with the toe of his boot.

You and Kevin exchanged glances, but you hoisted yourself up from the porch steps, dusting any dirt from your pants. “Uh, sure. What about? Also, where did you get pancakes from at nine o’clock at night?”

The demon motioned with his chin to start walking in the direction of the inn across the square. “Lily had leftovers,” he said simply.

You hmphed and let it slide.

Since Changmin revealed to you that there was a second half to your pendant, you hadn't shared another long discussion pertaining to the real reason you were on this quest. He would often linger at the edges of crowds here, keeping to himself and the limited number of people he knew. He seemed to avoid interacting with most, and you wondered why that was. He wasn't… that scared of social interaction, was he?

Changmin leaned up against the wall of the inn and you perched across from him with your back to the porch railing. "I've been thinking."

"Is this a good thing?"

You raised your hands in innocence as he scowled at you. He sawed a chunk of pancake in half with the side of his fork before impaling it with the tines. "Sometimes you sound exactly like your sister."

"Sarcasm runs in Ln family blood, what can I say?" You mused. "So you were thinking."

He hummed. "Mmh. Well, I was thinking that—" he cleared his throat, his fingers brushing over his throat. "We've been here for a couple of days and nothing has seemed to crop up. There hasn't really been any immediate dangers and—" He wrinkled his nose, apparently annoyed at something.

You sobered a little. "What is it?"

He knocked the back of his fork against his skull. "You look—happy here. And safe, of course. You're safe here," he finally pushed out. His jaw worked as he speared his last piece of pancake and shoved it into his mouth.

Your eyes widened slightly. You didn't realize he was monitoring your mood like that, but you could agree that you definitely felt safer here than out there. "I… agree?" However, you still didn't know what direction this conversation was heading.

Changmin sighed, his brows creasing in frustration. "Yes, you agree. So, I think the best decision is that I leave you here and I go out and find the second half of the necklace."

What.

"Changmin, you—"

"Just hear me out," he said. "We've already been attacked twice because of that thing, and if we step foot out of these bounds, it's liable to happen again." He wrestled down a swallow. "You're just—better off here."

You idly rubbed the pendant over the fabric of your shirt. "You're serious."

"When am I not serious?"

Did he not trust his ability to keep an eye on you? Or no, it had to be you that was the problem. If you could fend for yourself, he wouldn't have to worry about being attacked all the damn time. His logic had grounds, and though you could breathe easy here, for some reason, letting him go after the second half didn't sit right with you.

You chewed on your bottom lip. "I think we should—"

The world stilled, the music screeched to a halt. The night air filled with the chilling sound of a howl.

You instinctively leaned away from the railing and came to stand beside Changmin, scanning the immediate premises for danger. The hair on your skin stood on its end, heartbeat quickening—

From the far end of town by the conventional entrance, a dark-furred wolf, followed by two others, charged in. You recognized the one at the front as Juyeon from the advising board.

The town center cleared; Lily was already corralling little ones into the pack house, her head on a swivel between Sangyeon and the wolves barreling back into town from the night watch. Kevin and Jacob were swift to join them.

Changmin's expression turned troubled. "Stay here."

"I'll hold your plate," you murmured, taking the plate and fork from him and backing up toward the entrance to the inn. The auntie who owned the establishment appeared at your side, ushering you in so she could lock the doors. This had to be some kind of protocol.

You set the plate and fork on the table in the parlor and pressed your face up against the window to watch the congregation at the town's entrance. From this distance, your sight wasn't nearly good enough to make out their individual expressions, but it didn't look good.

"Auntie?" You asked, fumbling for Clyde in your pocket. "What's going on?"

She peered over from where she was twisting lanterns to the off position. "Intruders," she answered.

You leapt out of your skin when the inn's front door handle was forced open.

Changmin and Kevin's heads whirled about the room until they found you. "We're leaving," Changmin said, already charging toward the stairs. "Pack your things; Kevin's leading us out."

You scrambled after him in the dark. "Changmin. Changmin what the fuck is happening—"

He threw a stern look over his shoulder. "I'll explain in the car," he said before disappearing into his room.

You tossed your hands up into the air and did as you were told. There wasn't much to pack for yourself. You tossed your clothes haphazardly into your backpack, located any other spare items you left in the room, checked the bathroom for anything else. By the time you were done, Changmin was slapping his palm against the door jamb and hustling you out.

Kevin waited for you both in the lobby, his wolf form anxiously pacing the area like he was itching to get out of here. You could hear snarling and hissing and crashes and crackling from outside the door. What were you going to see when you stepped foot out of the inn?

"Let's go," Changmin said, nodding to Kevin, and shoving out into the night.

You lost your breath.

The pack house was on fire.

Wolves brawled against demonic forms, teeth gnashing around necks and snapping them. Black and red blood stained the dirt—they had come for the pendent. And they would take the pack down with them if they had to.

"Yn." A hand hauled you down the porch steps to round the building to Changmin's car.

Horror and panic and everything in between poured into you as you threw yourself into the front seat of Changmin's car. Your eyes, wide as saucers, could not leave the sight of violence happening before you.

You blinked—dark, whirling masses in the sky appeared out of thin air, and out of them spilled more and more creatures of Hell. Their jaws of daggers made you sick to your stomach; what was this? A small army?

Changmin swerved the car after Kevin, who was leading you not through the fray, but behind the inn house and straight into the woods.

You twisted in your seat. "Are they going to be okay?" You whispered, hands shaking as they dropped onto the headrest.

He was quiet for a beat. "They have Jacob."

But was one divine being enough? There were so many of them, oh fuck. And Jacob wasn't at full power, was he?

"They'll—they'll leave when they sense we're no longer there," he added quietly. "I hope."

You hugged the back of your seat, murmuring prayer after prayer. Please be safe. Please be okay.

The road Kevin led you both down was twisted and hazardous with winding paths that sent your shoulder careening into the side of the car and bumps that jostled your organs. Changmin somehow was able to keep up with Kevin without the headlights on and you didn't have the mind to question it.

You sunk into your seat to face forward, eyes glued to the side view mirror. You could see the glow of flames from here, could see how far up into the sky the fire went.

Oh god, this is all your fault. You brought trouble right to their doorstep. It's all your fault. All your—

The car broke out of the woods and into a small clearing with a worn path that led up to another road that hugged the side of a small mountain. This was where Kevin stopped.

Changmin nodded to Kevin in the front windshield.

You jammed your finger against the button in your door to roll your window down. "Kevin," you said.

The wolf trotted over to your door, and you stuck your hand out to meet his head. Your chest ached. "I'm sorry."

He couldn't communicate with you in a way you understood, but you liked to think you got good at reading his eyes. They seemed conflicted—the way they glistened like moonlight with the silver lining the edges, but burned like molten gold when he turned to motion toward the smoke in the distance.

"I'm sorry," you repeated. "Stay safe."

With one last look, he took off back toward his home.

Changmin passed you a glance, eyes softening at the corners, then turned the car up onto the road.

You pulled yourself back into the car and rolled the window up once you couldn't see Kevin's form anymore. Your eyes stared at the front console, brain muddled—you focused on taking deep breaths.

"Are they going to be okay?" You asked again. He had given you an answer before, but—fucking Hell, you were going to be sick—

"They'll be okay," he assured you. One of his hands lifted from the steering wheel and rested on your shoulder.

You broke down, face burying itself into your palms. Sobbing filled the silence of the car with the weight of lead. First, there was Sena. Then, it was whatever the fuck you were doing on this ridiculous task. Now… now, you'd gotten bystanders involved. Good people. They were good people.

You couldn't lose anyone else.

One person was more than you could take—more than you thought you could take.

You lifted your head, dragging the back of your hand across your eyes, your palm over your cheeks. "I want to go home," you whimpered as the back of your head hit the headrest. He had spoken too soon—you weren’t safe anywhere.

His hand was still on your shoulder and it slid down to your forearm, his fingers curling around you in a tentative form of comfort. "I know, sweetheart," he murmured. "I know."

#10—HOLD YOUR BREATH.

"PULL OVER, CHANGMIN."

The demon's head whipped over to you for a second, taking his eyes off the barren highway. There wasn't anyone else around this early in the morning, especially on this road that hugged the coast rather than a more straightforward freeway like the main interstate. "What?"

"Pull over," you repeated.

"We're almost there."

"Please."

He stopped the car.

He just barely put the vehicle in park before you were clambering out and headed in who-knew-what direction.

You heard the driver's side door slam shut as he followed after you. "Yn. Yn, where the Hell do you think you're going?"

"I don't know," you said, wrapping your arms around you. The salty sea air brushed past your clothes and your skin, and it felt nothing like the warmth from Moonstone Creak. The sky before dawn was a white-ish purple with clouds blanketing out where one might see the sun creeping up to its perch. The two of you were on the road for nearly five hours, and you didn't sleep a wink of it.

He caught up with you and grabbed your shoulders to face him. "I know that was a lot of shit to take, but we can't be out here."

"I can't do this anymore," you told him. "I can't risk any more lives, I can't risk mine or yours—I don't want to end up dead in a ditch. I—" You yanked the necklace around your collar and unclasped the chain, the weight falling from your sternum feeling more akin to an empty cage than a freed one.

You ripped out of his hold and stormed across the highway.

"No, no, no—YN. Yn, let's talk about this—"

You were getting rid of all your problems. If they wanted the pendant, then they could fucking have it—

Changmin appeared in front of you, expression stormy. "Don't do it."

"Get out of my way."

"If you lose that necklace, Yn—"

"THEN WHAT?" You practically growled in his face. Your hand fisted around the stone in your palm, and you waved it around wildly. "If I lose it, then what? Changmin, I don't even know what the fuck it does. You haven't told me why it's important. My sister sure as Hell didn't tell me jackshit. What, in the name of all things fucking holy, is so important about this red rock! Why am I risking my life for it?"

Changmin balked and his lips pressed firmly against each other.

Disappointment churned in your stomach. "Why won't you tell me?" You asked him, dropping the stone to hold it by the chain.

His eyes flickered to your movements. "I'll tell you, but just—we can't talk about it out here." He turned slightly and pointed out a building in the distance. It was a lighthouse, and it was erected on the edge of a rocky outcropping that jutted out from the coastline. White-foamed waves crashed against its shore like drums. "You see that? That's the safehouse."

That was the safehouse? "She bought a lighthouse?" Oh dear god, she had not listened to any of your advice about investing.

"Yes," he said. "Don't ask me why. I don't know the answer to that one, but if we can just get over there…"

You eyed the building. It was a standard cylindrical-shaped tower painted in white with a large glass cap at the top, housing a spotlight to guide ships home. A second, much smaller building the size of a shed was attached to the base, and you could just make out what looked like a chimney on top. Against your boring financial advice, Sena had been a romantic at heart. You wouldn't be surprised if one of her other safehouses was an idyllic cottage in a meadow.

You swallowed your pride, reaching up to reluctantly clasp the necklace back around your throat. Changmin visibly relaxed. "Fine."

The two of you made to turn around and head back to the car, but something in the water below caught your eye. It was a long way down from where you stood, and the jagged, dark cliff face didn't make the drop any more appetizing. The water was a deep, murky shade of gray-blue that screamed a cold, watery grave. You squinted down at the water in search of the glint of something you thought you saw.

Changmin glanced back at you. "What is it?"

When you came up empty-handed, you followed him to the car. "Nothing. I think I'm just tired."

The car was still quiet when Changmin pulled up outside the lighthouse. The building sat on the lower end of the outcropping, surrounded by a field of overgrown grass watered by sea spray and rain. The thrashing of waves was much louder here, like rolling thunder, and they threw themselves up against the shore bedecked in dark rocks, eroded into rough edges to make them appear akin to teeth.

You grabbed your backpack from the backseat as usual, eyes peering up at the lighthouse and trying to drink it in.

So… this was where she had been hiding. At least, some of the time she was away.

Your fingers drummed along your bag strap. What were you going to find inside? The last time you opened one of Sena's locked things, you ended up on the run.

Changmin's hair whipped up in the wind. "I think I can pick the lock," he said.

"She didn't give you a key?"

He began making his way to the front door. "I've only been here a couple of times, but only when she was around. Sena only had one—copy." When he jiggled the doorknob and it drifted open, he stiffened.

You frowned. "Awful lock."

"It wasn't locked," he said. He put his arm out in front of you. "Stay behind me."

That feeling you knew all-too-well—like a spider crawling down your spine—returned. You shoved your hand into the pocket that held your angel blade, slowly creeping in after Changmin.

The first floor of the lighthouse looked as if a tornado blew right through it. The couch cushions were torn off their perches, the rug was thrown aside, the bookshelf devoid of its occupants who lied scattered about the room. You took it all in with wide eyes, gently trekking through on the balls of your feet like you were going through a minefield. The connecting shed was for the kitchen and dining needs, and that too did not look much better. All of the porcelain plates and cups and silverware were in pieces on the stone floors.

Changmin blew out a breath, hands burying into his hair as his eyes wildly searched the area for any signs of who had been here for you. "Shit."

You made your way over to the couch-side table where a small lamp was undressed of its shade and a picture frame left cracked and picture-less. But you recognized the shoddy paint job on the frame from your childhood when you'd painted it in an arts and crafts class in first grade. You felt the picture's loss like an empty void. Whoever had been here took it with them.

Failure burned through you like hot acid. It made your body scream as it incinerated you from the inside out; you would never figure out what your sister was doing or what was going on. Not at this rate.

You set the empty frame down and brushed past Changmin to the front door.

"Yn—"

"I need some air." You didn't wait for his response.

The sun was making a gradual ascent now, turning the sky above you a more aggressive shade of lilac and egg yolk. You rounded the circumference of the lighthouse until you were descending the hill at its back down to the dock. It was a short, wooden platform where you could sit down and breathe in ocean air for a moment.

You lowered yourself by the edge with your feet crossed beneath you upon the sun-soaked planks. In the distance, you heard the cry of a seagull as it made landfall.

For all of the noise the waves made, it was awfully quiet. Disturbingly quiet.

It didn't occur to you right away. You were more focused on the hot tears trailing down your cheeks and the pressure building up in your head to start a killer headache. Goddamn, what were you doing? What did you think you were going to accomplish?

You yanked the chain out of your shirt collar with an angry frown marring your face. "Stupid fucking necklace." This was all its fault—and there you were, blaming an inanimate object for all your troubles.

"What if I just tossed you into the ocean?" You gazed out at the infinite horizon. It would be so easy. Would it not solve all of your problems?

You sighed, rubbing the space between your eyes with the pads of your fingers.

For a moment, you soaked in the air around you, the warmth of the boards beneath your thighs, and the sweet song drifting through your ear. What a beautiful sound the ocean made… it crooned something melancholy to you, luring you closer toward it in wonder. How sad the ocean was… its loneliness resonated with yours… it sang it so in the song.

You were enchanted by it, scooting closer to the edge of the pier to see if you could figure out the source of the serenade.

It's the ocean, something told you. It wasn't coming from a person or a thing, but the entire body of water before you. It heard your pain, could feel your suffering… it wanted you to come into its arms so it could lovingly embrace you.

"Yn. YN? YN!"

The song coaxed you closer to the edge. Almost there, love.

Your legs dangled over the side, eyes glazed over and glassy. The dark waters beneath you were so lovely and lonely. You could keep it company, couldn't you?

"YN, SNAP OUT OF IT."

Don't listen to him. He doesn't understand your pain. But I do.

You murmured. "Who does?"

Come a little closer, pet. I can make the hurt go away.

Thunderous stomps down the hill became muffled in the background. "YN. LN. WAKE. UP."

For a moment, your eyes shuddered. His voice was familiar. You turned your head back to look, and saw Changmin charging toward you with his eyes wide and—

Look at me, the voice demanded.

Something wrapped around your ankle, and you had little time to understand what was happening before you were dragged straight under.

As soon as the water swallowed you, the cold seeped into your bones and snapped you out of whatever trance you had been put under. Panic seized your chest, and you thrashed around, holding your breath, in a desperate attempt to free whatever had your leg trapped in a death grip.

You screamed silently, the surface getting farther and farther away.

You desperately kicked out with your other leg, the sole of your shoes scratching and scraping and chipping away at the hand holding you. You fumbled in your pants pocket, then brandished Clyde. With as much might as you could muster, you stabbed at the appendage wrapped around your ankle.

When you made contact, it retreated instantly. There was a trail of something dark down below, but you couldn't quite tell between it and the bottom of the water.

Running out of air fast, you desperately pumped your legs and clawed your way up towards Changmin swimming toward you. He extended his hand to you, his eyes flickering between you and something behind you—you didn't have time to think about what it was.

Your fingers made purchase with his, and you grabbed onto each other with a mutual vice. He hauled you up to the surface before him, and you gasped for breath, arms bracing onto the wooden deck.

You hacked out sea water and your throat felt like it was closing in on itself. It burned like Hell.

Heart pounding, you lifted your head to find Changmin and—wait. Where was Changmin?

"Changmin?" You whipped your head around, eyes going down into the water. "Fuck."

You gagged from sea water again. Could you stomach going back down? You had to, for fuck's sake. Your demon was down there.

You wielded Clyde tightly in your other hand, took a deep breath, then went back under.

You could now make out the figure who you assumed held you captive earlier. He had Changmin wrapped tightly in his grasp, the demon thrashing in the half-man half-fish's arms. You knew you were probably staring death in the eye, but you continued swimming straight for them.

You and the fish man made eye contact, and he grinned menacingly, the smile tinged with a set of sharp canines. In any other circumstance, you would have thought him beautiful.

Changmin saw you coming and his eyes widened. I just saved you. What are you doing back here?

But he realized something key with your presence reappearing. Changmin's jaw clenched—you didn't realize what was happening until he threw his arms back behind him to grab ahold of his captor's head. His fingers had grown darkened claws, razor sharp, and he gouged his thumbs into the eyes of the siren.

If you could hear screams underwater, it would have rattled your bones.

You watched, frozen, as the siren attempted to thrash around an escape Changmin, but your demon counterpart had too good of a grip on his skull.

You knew what the dark trail was now, and there was so much of it pooling in the water.

When Changmin was satisfied with the limpness of his captor's body, he shook his hands out and the claws disappeared. You didn't know where they went—didn't care, only that they existed in the first place.

He urgently swam up toward you as both of your supply of oxygen dwindled with each passing second.

When you broke the surface a second time, you clung to one of the posts of the dock, body shaking from the icy cold and the chill of witnessing a piece of Changmin's violence first-hand.

Changmin gasped for air and threw his upper body onto the face of the dock, his muscles trembling as he struggled to pull himself out of the water. Both of you were soaked to the bone, clothing and shoes heavy with seawater.

You stuck Clyde into the wood of the pier above you to anchor yourself onto the boards.

The two of you laid there on the dock to regain your breath and strength. Despite Changmin's demon-ness, he was still a creature of land, not water.

The sun had managed to climb up into the sky now, its hot rays piercing through clouds, and yet, all you could feel was the wind.

"You should have stayed…" he managed to say, "...up here."

You rolled into your stomach and braced your palms onto the wood to push yourself up. "You're stupid if you thought I was gonna—let you die." You glanced over at him, eyes finding his fingers—they looked normal again, save for the dark red rimmed beneath his fingernails.

You shuddered.

Changmin squinted his eyes open at you. "Don't ever… do that again."

You could only nod.

For a moment, only the waves and gulls existed between you. You hunched over your legs, dry heaving any more of that stinging salt from your mouth and eyes. Your brain kept rewinding the struggle over and over, repeating the look of pure survival instinct in Changmin's eyes as he mercilessly drove his clawed fingers into the creature's eye sockets.

You heard him stir again, and you asked hoarsely, "How much energy did it take to summon claws?"

After a beat, he replied, "Let's just say, I'm rusty and winded."

You turned your body over so you could face him. His white shirt was drenched all the way through, but you could still see the dark red seeping in places over his ribcage. "Oh my god, you're bleeding."

You reached out to examine him, but he slapped your hand away. "I'm fine," he insisted.

"Let me see," you argued, fixing him with a hard look. When he relented, you gently peeled the fabric away from his skin.

His skin, pale and wet, looked like a watercolor canvas of blues, reds, and purples. Bruises bloomed in splotches and blood made up the rest. You delicately ran your fingers over the bruised areas, hearing him suck in a breath at your touch.

"Does it hurt?"

"I'll survive."

"Don't be an ass. Does it hurt?"

He lifted his arm over his eyes. The scratches there were still an angry red. "...Yes."

"Did he get you anywhere else?"

"No."

Relief soared through you—or, the dispelling of fear from your body—and you racked your brain for a solution. There was nothing you could use down here to heal him to get him up to the…

Who were you kidding? There was something.

You wrenched Clyde out from the board you'd impaled him into and held the sharp end against the plush pad of your thumb. How much human blood did he need to get back on his feet? How much would get him up to the lighthouse, and how much could heal him fully like at the motel—?

He lifted his arm off his eyes. "Don't even think about it."

You met his eyes. "And why not?" Once, a long time ago, you managed to slice your finger open from cutting a lime in your palm rather than against a board like a normal person. If you used just enough force to break the skin—

"I'm not—drinking your blood—" He grunted while attempting to sit up. The stubborn bastard fell onto his back, face screwed up in pain and frustration.

You leaned over him to block the sun from his eyes. "You were saying?"

He narrowed his eyes up at you. "I'm not drinking your blood."

"You've done it before."

"That's because you were dying. You're not dying now, and neither am I."

"Your ribs are broken, aren't they?"

He huffed air out of his nostrils. "Yeah."

Returning to your original plan, you pressed the blade back against your thumb, wincing slightly as it split your skin. Dark red welled into a little pocket, before breaking form and dribbling down your finger. You moved it in front of his mouth, waiting to feel his tongue against it.

Reluctantly, he stuck his tongue out and licked a neat stripe up the length of your finger, all while giving you a stink eye. This isn't my choice, he seemed to say. It didn't matter though. He knew that he needed this, even just a little bit, to get up to the lighthouse and the car.

There could be more sirens, after all.

You pulled your finger away already feeling your skin cells knit themselves back together from his saliva. "Better?"

He licked his lips. "I'm not going to dignify that with an answer."

"Asshole."

"Human."

You snorted, clambering to your knees, and then your feet. You lifted pressure off of your right leg where your ankle ached from being anchored onto. "You say that like it's an insult."

He raised a brow at you, clasping onto your forearm when you offered it. "Take it as you will," he said with a half grunt as you used gravity and momentum to pull his body up.

You threw his arm over your shoulders to begin the trek up the hill. Trying to avoid putting weight on your right foot was a little difficult, but you were determined. Your joints and chest ached and your socks squelched grossly in your shoes.

"Your ankle," he started.

"I'll survive," you repeated his words from earlier. "It's nothing compared to broken ribs." The thought occurred to you that if the siren could break Changmin's ribs with his arms, then… he could have easily shattered the bones in your ankle.

A shiver slithered down your spine. You were thanking every divine being who existed for keeping your ankle intact.

"You know I'm not letting you drive, right?"

He let out a noise of indignation. "I can drive, Yn."

"You're not driving."

You could feel his eyes roll. "Whatever."

#11—THE DRIVER'S SEAT.

IT WAS A MIRACLE THAT both you and Changmin fit into your sister's clothes. There was a decent stash of clothing left in the second floor wardrobe of the lighthouse, and you both dressed in relaxed pants and t-shirts as you recuperated. Once you were cleaned up, for the most part, it was back to the car.

Changmin watched with a pained look on his face as you settled into the driver's seat and began adjusting everything for your personal preference.

"Are you going to seatbelt or should I do that for you?" You asked as you finished checking the side mirrors.

He slowly buckled himself in. "I hope you know how much I despise this."

"You despise a lot of things."

"I can drive, Yn."

"Okay, yeah. I almost died for the third time five hours ago. I don't want to risk my life a fourth time." You shoved the keys into the ignition and twisted the engine to life. Leaning back in the seat, you put the car into reverse to begin taking the vehicle up the road to the mainland. "You said to get onto the interstate and keep following until—"

"Deer Ridge—can you be careful," he hissed, eyes slicing toward your movements, before gritting his teeth at his swollen ribs.

You swatted his micromanaging away. "I am so surprised you have never made this much of a fuss about your car before."

He brooded, eyes never leaving your hands on the wheel. "I should've learned stick shift."

You rolled your eyes. "You're such a baby."

Because the lighthouse was of no use and not safe, you were going to drive yourself and Changmin to the next closest safehouse. It was another five hour drive, give or take a needed food stop at some point because you hadn't eaten since dinner at Moonstone Creak. You were afraid Changmin would use that against you at some point so he could be in the driver's seat again. Stubborn brat.

If he wouldn't drink your blood to rejuvenate, if he wouldn't let you drive when you were clearly the most capacitated, then what the Hell did he want from you?

You followed the road signs and his passive-aggressive mutterings about how to get to the interstate from here. You hadn't driven in a long time, mainly because your apartment was so close to everything you needed, and gas cost an arm and a leg. Maybe that was why Changmin was so prickly about you driving his car… but some things were a necessary evil. He would have to put on his big boy pants and deal with it.

"You know," you said after you'd officially hopped onto the highway. "Now would be a great time to start explaining things about the necklace. Since we were supposed to talk about it at the lighthouse and all."

You heard him push out a breath. One of his hands cupped the side of his body that was battered the most while his other rested on the center console. "Right."

You waited.

He struggled to fit the words into the right places for a decent explanation, nothing seeming quite adequate, but he eventually came up with an answer. "The necklace—" he paused, amending, "I guess I should call it more of an amulet—the amulet is something made of very ancient, powerful magic. It was something forged from a combination of all three realms, and so the energy that it stores within itself is complacent with all three realms.

"I can't remember exactly the mythology that came with the damned thing, but your sister did. She knew all the ins and outs of the legend—she obsessed over it."

"Obsessed over it?" Your eyebrows furrowed

"Yes," he said. "Which is why it's crazy to me she was even able to keep it a secret from you in the first place." Changmin brushed a hand through his hair, shifting in his seat awkwardly. "Anyways, the amulet is kind of like a key. It needs a vessel to be the—the gate or the portal of sorts to activate it, but it would grant the creature who wields it the energy and power to travel through realms as if it were their own."

You checked your mirrors and flicked on the signal to change lanes. "Wait, not to sound like a YA fantasy book protagonist—"

"A what?"

"Human thing," you dismissed airily. "So if someone got their hands on this thing, they could hypothetically conquer whole realms that aren't their own? Hypothetically, of course."

Changmin nodded slowly. "Hypothetically," he drawled. "If that's what they wanted to do. You'd have to have one Hell of an army to do so, and the amulet can't really give power to other people, only the one."

"It's a portable charger for one person's plan of mass destruction?"

He huffed, turning his head to the window, and when you glanced over for a millisecond, you swore he was smiling. "You're so…"

"Funny, clever, charming?" You supplied, the corners of your lips curling upward. You licked your lips, then pursed them in thought. While you were driving and pondering the weapon of otherworldly conquer seated upon your neck, you also kept a look out for any restaurants at nearby exits. Maybe an all-day brunch place with blueberry pancakes… "Changmin?"

"Hm."

"Is there a way to destroy this? To ensure that no one can ever use it?" There had to be some method of self-destruct for something potentially so dangerous. Then again, you weren't an expert on magical artifacts.

Changmin's eyes moved back over to you. "If there is, it'll be somewhere in Sena's notes."

Oh.

The car ride chugged on for another hour or so before you gave up. Your stomach growled its disapproval of going so long without something sustaining, and you marked the billboard of a gas station at the next exit. The car needed to be fed, too, anyway.

It was a standard little pump-and-wash with an option to fill your tank, take your car through the little Soapy Joe's car wash in the back, or both. The gas station building was a camel-colored sandstone with deals on gas station snacks printed in massive, red block letters on bright yellow paper. For the most part, it seemed pretty empty, with only an SUV of a family on a road trip and another sedan with a rather disgruntled looking business man.

You swung the car into the pump station closest to the gas station store's door and began searching for the gas tank button.

"Bottom left, second from the right," Changmin instructed, already clambering out of the car. He suppressed the urge to make a noise as he did so with his still-bruised and battered torso.

"What are you doing?" You asked after locating the button and giving it a push. The muffled pop sound followed right after.

He braced one hand on the roof of his car as he peered back in. "I'm filling up my tank."

You deadpanned. You should have known the stubborn cretin would insist. It was better for you to not fight him if he was gonna be this anal about driving his own car while injured. "I'm getting snacks then."

"Have fun," he muttered, pulling his card out of his bifold. Where did even get money to put on that thing?

You mused upon that thought as you dug around your backpack in the back seat for a couple twenties. You wouldn't need much, just enough so you could indulge a bit.

Ten minutes later, you walked out of the gas stop with a plastic grocery bag in one hand and a blue and red swirled slurpee in the other. It was no 7/11, but goddamn did the sugar hit your system just right. After nearly drowning in sea water, it gave your body the perfect amount of zip.

You found Changmin in the driver's seat (were you surprised? Of course not), with his seat and mirrors adjusted back to how he liked it, and his phone plugged into the USB port in the center console. You clambered into your designated seat with the grace of a car sale balloon because of your sore ankle.

He glanced up from his phone, hand carding through his hair. "Ready?"

"Wait, before we go—" You sorted through your bag of treats and looked for the little, brown paper bag amongst all the other junk. You pulled it out, the bottom beginning to seep through from the grease of the pastry inside. Childlike glee rushed through your veins, and you couldn't tell if that was just the slurpee or the thought of getting him a treat. Beaming, you extended it toward him. "I got you a blueberry muffin."

For a second, Changmin just stared. His eyes widened at the expression on your face, and you couldn't tell why something felt like it had shifted. He glanced at the grease-soaked paper vessel, then back to you, then the bag, then—

"Thanks," he said slowly, grabbing the bag from you and unrolling the top edge to open it up. (If you'd paid attention longer, you would have seen the darkening of his cheekbones. A rare sight.)

"They don't exactly sell blueberry pancakes," you prattled on and decided between a bag of kettle chips or a packet of dried seaweed; you decided on the former and popped the bag open. "So I got the next best thing. And the woman running the store looks like she bakes them fresh. Oh, I saw that it had this crumble on top and thought it had to be a sign it was top notch stuff."

Changmin inspected the muffin, then took a generous bite, cupping beneath it to catch any crumbs. His eyes fluttered shut and he moaned. "Fuck—me. That's so good."

You brightened. "Glad you think so," you chuckled in amusement.

He hummed in reply, already going in for his next bite.

With a car of slightly more content campers, you hit the road. The remainder of the journey would add up to a little more than four hours from here, as long as there weren't any other pitstops made. Hopefully, you would arrive before it got dark and you wouldn't have to deal with another situation like this morning.

The bag of snacks rested at your feet and you had tucked away the chip bag for later. It was concerning how fast your body became accustomed to this seat again, how it knew exactly what way to sit in order to be comfortable.

Changmin glanced over at you just as he made it onto the interstate ramp. "You should get some sleep. It's been… a long day and night."

Right on cue, you yawned. "Do you dream when you sleep—if you sleep?" You asked, instead of heeding his advice.

"Huh? Oh." He used his free hand to adjust the AC coming in through the vents. "I only really sleep if I'm bored, or if I know I'm not under threat, I guess."

You frowned. "Do you not feel safe a majority of the time?"

"It depends," he lifted his shoulder. "When we were at uni, there usually wasn't much threat around, so I slept sometimes. I only sometimes dream though."

You hummed, acknowledging him. "I think it's kind of funny that you're a demon studying anthropology."

His laugh was breathy. "Yeah? A little ironic?"

"What? Did you think it would help you blend in or something?"

He snorted. "No… I mean, it seemed like an interesting topic when I perused the website when applying."

You made a face, eyes staring out at the vast road before you. It was just before a typical afternoon rush hour, so there wasn't much traffic. "How did you even have the credentials to apply and get in?"

"A little white lie never hurt anyone," he said innocently.

You threw him an incredulous look, and a chuckle fell out of his mouth. "Despicable."

"I am a demon."

You fiddled with the hem of your sister's shirt, then reached up to play with the chain and pendant around your neck. You'd become so used to its weight that it felt wrong when it was gone. "Would you ever teach me how to use Bonnie?"

Changmin's hand felt around the middle console blindly until he met the lid of your slurpee. "I'm drinking this."

"Wait, I have an extra straw—"

"What, you don't want my magic spit?"

Your gaze flattened into a deadpan. "Oh, so now it's magic spit?" You watched in melodramatic disgust as he took a generous sip of the sugary drink from your straw. You didn't really mind, of course; you weren't going to finish that thing all on your own. "And you didn't answer my question."

He replaced the cup back into its cupholder. "What's a Bonnie?"

"I hate you."

He let out a loud laugh that made your forced scowl nearly shatter. Who knew a demon could look so pretty when he laughed like that? "I don't even use it, you know that, right?"

"And I haven't the slightest idea why you keep her locked up like that." You shoved the pair of sandals you'd stolen from the lighthouse off so you could fold your legs onto the seat with you. Your finger brushed over the flesh of your ankle, where it was gradually splotching with blueish purple.

It was a familiar scene, that of Changmin taking his eyes off the road the briefest moment to inspect your bruise and frown. Humans are so fragile, he'd said before. The bruises on your neck from the motel had faded by now, thanks to the miracle salve he gave you at Moonstone Creak.

He cursed under his breath. "I forgot to bring the cup of salve from the inn," he sighed.

"That's fine," you murmured. "We were… in a rush." You swallowed, and when you closed your eyes, you could see the pack house in flames. "I hope they're okay."

"Yeah, same."

"Would it have mattered if we stayed?" You asked.

You expected him to simply say that it wouldn't have mattered, because that wasn't our goal. He knew what the wolf shifters were capable of, what Jacob was capable of, but you didn't. You'd seen them in bliss and peace, without the ferocity of what he might have been used to.

He thought about it and confessed, "I'm not sure. They can take care of themselves, but I—" he stumbled over his words, reeling them back in before he could say them out loud.

"You…?"

He shook his head. "It's not important. What's important now is that you—we—got out alive." When you couldn't find anything to say after, he reached over across the console to find your forearm again. His fingers curled around you, like they had when you'd left the woods. "If it makes you, uh, feel better, we can reach out to them. Send them a message once we get to the safehouse."

You nodded, moving your arm so his hand rested in yours and your other hand patted the top of his. "I'd appreciate that."

Changmin's nod was small, and he kept his hand sandwiched between the two of yours.

#12—ALL HER SECRETS.

WHEN YOU DREAMED, your sister was drunk and stumbling across a dark road for help. Your throat lurched with air, but your scream was completely silent as her eyes went wide in the glare of the car lights. A deer in headlights, in a literal sense. It never occurred to you how morbid the saying was until you witnessed it in action.

Her body laid sprawled over the stretch of road as the couple driving scrambled out to check her vitals.

Dead on impact.

You awoke with a start.

Everything was fuzzy and muddled, and you sucked in oxygen through your nostrils, hands reaching up to rub your eyes with the heels of your palms. The place on your thigh where your hands had been resting grew cold at the lack of warmth as Changmin retracted his hand to his own side, putting the car into reverse to back into the driveway.

Cirrus clouds blotched the bruising sky, golden hour long since passed and the highway far out of view. You noted the residential street you faced through the front windshield with the sounds of children biking and drawing chalk masterpieces on sidewalks in the cul de sac down the road. You'd only ever really experienced this kind of tranquility in movies, never for yourself.

Your heartbeat, once erratic from the dream, calmed. (It was crazy how real a dream could feel.)

Changmin shuddered off the headlights and the engine died down. "We're here," he cleared his throat. He cracked his knuckles, one hand cradling the other.

You peered through your side view mirror, only catching part of the house in view. How had she afforded a whole house in the suburbs? Granted, it didn't look as large as the others on the street, but the fact that this was under her name… she hid all of this from you.

"I dreamed about her," you murmured in a voice hoarse from sleep.

He glanced at you. "Sena?"

"Yeah," you hummed. "How she died—or I guess, how I imagined her death to be." You met his gaze, and it seemed like he was searching for something in your face. You reached down to gather your belongings in the gas station grocery bag, then popped the car door open. "So this is the place, huh?"

Changmin shook his hair out of his eyes. "Huh? Oh, yeah. I've only been here once or twice, too, but it's nice."

"How'd she afford this place anyway?"

"I think she found a vampiric sundial for a client." Crazy. Must have been one well-off client.

He hadn't been wrong about the place being nice. It was one of those cookie-cutter houses with white shutters in the windows, a garage big enough for two cars, and a driveway flanked by twin beds of emerald green grass. A little metal mailbox sat at the end of the driveway by the street with a red tab and the house number branded on the side. It was the dictionary definition of suburbia.

Changmin walked right up the front porch and stuck his hand in the potted plant hanging from a hook. Out of it, he withdrew a key, rusted and dirtied, but the perfect fit for the front door. It was a massive change from the lighthouse's situation.

Inside, you didn't expect anything less cozy than what you found. The entryway was confronted by a staircase that led to the second floor, and there was a hallway that led further into the home, and a doorway to the right that went into the living room. You took this all in with wide eyes, your breath held at the sight of unlit candles on tables, quirky baubles beside them, and picture frames—dear god, the picture frames.

You stopped in front of one of them and picked it up. In the dimming light, you traced the lines of your sister's smile and yours right next to hers. You both looked so young in this photo—way more carefree and innocent. You wondered how she had saved all of these photos when you only had them encased in your memory.

Changmin had disappeared up the stairs, most likely heading straight for Sena's room or an office, anywhere that might hold the notebooks you and he had been looking for. The wooden planks creaked slightly under your weight as you climbed the stairs, and you ran your hand along the smooth railing as you went.

"Hey Changmin?" You called out, head swiveling around the upstairs landing to find which doorway he'd disappeared into.

"Yeah?" He asked from somewhere within the furthest doorway. You followed the sound and stuck your head into what looked to be a home office. It was outfitted with a desk and office chair, a few bookshelves, and an armchair in the corner. Changmin brushed his finger along the spines.

You joined him at his side and picked a random one to pull out. "How are your ribs?" You asked him, moving your gas station grocery bag handles to hang on your forearms you flipped through the journal. This one didn't seem to have much; maybe she wanted to start a planner in this and never finished.

His movements paused for a second, then resumed. "My ribs? Oh, they're, uh… they're fine now."

Your face screwed up in incredulity. "That's insane."

"Supernatural regeneration plus human blood," he said like he was explaining one plus one equals two.

"But patching up broken bones?" You replaced the book back in its slot and wandered away from the shelf. The office space was decorated comfortably enough but there were no other personal additions besides the furniture.

You stepped back out into the upstairs loft to search for the bedroom. The master was located on the other side of the office door, and when you opened it up, you were hit by a wave of nostalgia.

That was her. That was what Sena smelled like. And where you knew she always kept a bottle, there sat a glass vial of her favorite perfume on the nightstand table. It was as if it said to you, "Welcome home, Yn. We've been expecting you." Except, you never got to be welcomed here, not by your sister, at least.

It was like going into her locked room at the apartment all over again. There weren't as many things here as there were back at your place, but the subtle things left around reminded you of her, besides the scent lingering. It was uncanny how such a thing could stick around for so long, clinging to the walls, the sheets, the floors, until even the air vents recycled that same smell on its own.

You settled on the edge of the bed and just sat there.

It seemed you were returning to the same questions over and over again. Why had she hid any of this from you?

Changmin appeared in the doorway, his hand bracing the doorway. "Hey."

"Did you find something?" You asked.

He pursed his lips, the miniature mole beneath his bottom lip popping out at you. "Nah, not yet anyway. I just… wanted to, uh, see where you'd gone."

"Oh, I came to find her room, is all." You pressed your hands flat on the comforter to feel the fabric. You didn't quite know what to think. "It's weird knowing she lived here at some point."

"She had her reasons for keeping things a secret," he said quietly while venturing a step into the room.

You exhaled sharply. "Yeah, I figured." At the motel, he had confessed that he and Sena both agreed to keep you out of this business unless necessary. He had sisters, did he not say? It didn't seem too far-fetched to assume that he could sympathize more with Sena than you. "You mentioned once that you have sisters."

He stiffened, and you wondered if you'd crossed a line.

"I do," he replied slowly. "I'm not as close to them as you were with Sena."

Your smile was thin. "Yeah, well, based on the past few weeks, I'm not so sure we were that close."

Conflict flickered across his face, and he crossed the space between the doorway and the bed, and took a seat on the edge adjacent to you. "She talked about you a lot," he said. "Thought the world of you."

Your eyes were pinned to the floor as tears welled up in your eyes and blurred your vision.

"Always talked about her baby sister, and how you were the one with your head screwed on right."

If she could see you now… you were going half mad, but the corners of your lips curled upward at the sentiment. You sniffled, wiping your eyes and cheeks with the side of your hand. "You know," you mused, your voice watery, "for a demon, you're getting good at this empathizing thing."

Changmin's shoulders lowered, his hands laid out over his legs as he chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. It's not as hard as you make it out to be."

"Liar."

"Human."

"You need new insults," you groaned, shoving his shoulder.

His bangs hung in his eyes and you couldn't see his expression quite clearly. "Who said it was ever an insult?"

Changmin let you check the state of his still-slightly-broken torso (liar) as long as you let him examine your bruised ankle. You chalked it up to your demon being a big baby again, but you figured there was no harm and no foul in letting him take a peek. It wasn't like the injury hindered your movement an awful lot anyway.

You hissed as he jabbed at a blossom of purple on your ankle and you tried to retract your leg. He kept a firm enough grasp unfortunately. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"So it does hurt."

"No," you quipped, "you're just a sadist."

The two of you sat on the couch in the living room with a first aid kit opened up on the coffee table and a legal pad next to it. In your lap sat one of Sena's many, many journals propped open to a page that you were scanning for anything that might be of help. Changmin had set aside the journal he was reading to drag your foot into his lap.

The top leaf of paper on the legal pad was impressed with the message you had scrawled out for the wolves of Moonstone Creak, asking about their state of health. Changmin had summoned a sprite (???) from over the fence in the backyard to ferry it over. Apparently, it was the supernatural equivalent of medieval pigeon messaging.

You couldn't even begin to wrap your head around all of it. The point was that he had kept his word, and now, you were keeping yours.

The words scrawled in your sister's handwriting blurred in your vision, and you glanced up to watch Changmin again. "What are you doing?" You asked, leaning your head against the couch cushion. "You're not… gonna lick my ankle, right?" You scrunched your face up. As much as you appreciated him trying to heal your injury—

"That's not how saliva works," he replied, holding your leg with one hand so he could lean forward and dig around in the first aid kit.

"Oh, I'm sorry I don't know how saliva works."

He arched an eyebrow up at you, and you recognized the silent "Really?" in his expression.

You lowered your eyes back to the journal in your lap and tried to suppress your amusement. "I don't know how you plan to heal a bruise, but usually ice and time are the best—oh shit, that's cold!"

You squealed and attempted to wrench your foot away once again, but he yet again prevailed. He anchored your foot down as he pressed a bandage-looking adhesive around the circumference of your ankle. As the sharp, icy pain gradually diminished, your muscles loosened up.

"Don't ever do that again," you told him with a scowl, successfully pulling away your leg from him (because he let you).

He sent you a flat look. "You'll thank me later. It's a good thing she had some stashed away," he said, flipping the first aid box lid closed and returning to the journal he picked out.

You gave your ankle an experimental roll. The ache had numbed and there was no longer a jab of pain when you moved the joint around. "What is it?"

"Some magical bandage that is specifically for mortal species," he said offhandedly with his eyes glued to the pages. "You have to find a witch apothecary to get them, and even then, they sometimes scam you and jack up the price."

"Huh." There was still much for you to learn, it seemed, but even the supernatural world fell victim to capitalism.

With your foot patched up, the both of you descended into silence to return to your respective journals. There were interesting things scrawled between the lines and the margins. Your sister liked to sketch things, and so you figured out pretty quickly that this journal was used to document supernatural herbs she came across while on her adventures.

You ditched that one to move onto the next. This one seemed like a standard, hard-covered journal with a lilac-colored ribbon used as a bookmark. It wasn't marking any specific page, however, but was only tucked between the cover and the first page. You flipped through the entries, noting the dates—wait.

Wait… these were recent.

"Changmin," you muttered, tapping his shoulder as you scanned the inky scrawls.

Changmin put his notebook down and the two of you converged onto the same couch cushion, your shoulders and thighs pressed together, and the book opened between you.

"Do you recognize when this was?" You asked, pointing out the dates in the top corners. "I remember she told me she was going up north to study abroad during this time."

His forehead creased between his eyebrows. "Yeah… I remember. She was being vague with where she said she was going."

"She didn't tell you?"

"She didn't report to me, if that's what you're asking."

You turned your attention to the diary entries. This particular one was labeled with the third of November, the year before:

A note to self: never choose the Holiday Inn off the I-375. It might literally smell like a dead body in here, and I'm keeping my window open the entire night.

You snorted. Noted.

—drive was long and I don't think Yn expected anything. She had this massive exam today, so I think she was a little preoccupied, but she sent me off as usual. (Fighting Yn!) It's tough keeping this from her, but at the same time… I'm not sure if she would understand.

She's always been in the right headspace—not whatever dream world I've been living in. I don't know why I always invalidate myself when I know this is all real. Maybe it's not?

That's besides the point. I'm supposed to meet the amulet owner in a couple days and there is still a laundry list of things I need to do before that exchange happens.

"The amulet had an owner before her?" You voiced aloud. And what did she mean that you wouldn't understand? Was that why she never told you the truth?

Changmin gave a head bob. "I wouldn't mark it as a ridiculous notion. A lot of magical artifacts sit in basements and get pawned or sold as antiques." He shrugged. "It's not like they come with manuals that say I'm not just a Tiffany lamp; I'm a magic carpet."

You squinted at him. "I never realized how silly you were."

"I'm not silly," he scoffed.

Sure you aren't, you thought. Demons and their tough guy act.

Changmin flipped past the pages, both of you skimming each as you went for any words that jumped off the page.

"Stop," you said, bumping your hand against his. "Go back."

You thought you had seen something… there.

It was dated several weeks after the first entry, and her writing looked more scratchy, more frantic:

I translated one of the passages wrong. The amulet doesn't use the wearer's blood as an activator, it BINDS them to it. The wearer is an amplifier, NOT an activator.

What.

You stopped reading there, digging the pendant out from beneath your shirt collar and watching the red upon the stone wink at you. The blood drained from your face—what did that mean, amplifier?

Next to you, Changmin kept reading on. His eyebrows braided together in concentration as he soaked up all the words on the notebook like a sponge. This was all of the information he hasn't gotten from Sena before, and what she might have wanted to tell him beforehand. At least, that was what you thought. That was what made the most sense.

It's too late for me anyways, I already pricked my finger against it and it sucked it all up. It's been done, was what your sister wrote. I don't know how magic reads blood types or genetic code, if it even does that, but for some reason I'm less scared and more curious.

Things to note: it seems to match my heartbeat. The full amulet should ideally be the shape of an infinity loop—supposedly. It's a little off, but it might be from the wear of time. It's missing a piece though, a middle portion that slides over it like a connector or binder of sorts. Neither half will stay together without it, and without said third piece, the amulet won't work.

I guess my next course of action is to find out who does have the third piece, and to make sure this damn thing will never EVER be used.

Changmin flipped the page, and you began unclasping the chain.

He stopped you, placing a hand over your own with wide eyes. "Woah, what are you doing?"

Your mouth dropped open. "Did you not just read what she said? This is an amplifier, Changmin. I don't know what the Hell that means, but I don't want it on me." No matter how much the emptiness left behind protested, the word "amplifier" made your heart drop.

He protested again, stopping your movement. "Yn—Yn, listen to me. We cannot lose the one piece we have."

Your heart was moving erratically now, the pendant pulsing in perfect time. If it had your sister's blood in it then why did it match yours? "I don't want it on me," you croaked. You fisted the pendant and held it away from your chest. "It matches my heartbeat, Changmin. Do you know how fucking unnerving that is when it's supposed to be my sister's?"

Changmin faltered at this revelation. He blinked. "I—since when did it match your heartbeat?"

"Since the moment I put it on."

His eyes went to the amulet in your hands, and his expression rearranged itself into something you couldn't read—worry, maybe—

He froze.

You just barely picked up on the sound yourself while descending into panic, but it sounded like wheels rolling on the street in front of the house. Both of you peered out the window shutters to the front lawn space as a white colored sedan pulled up along the front curb.

A white sedan.

Changmin's hand tightened on your arm as he assessed the car. The headlights remained on, but the driver had yet to step out and reveal themselves. "You have Clyde?"

"I do, but… what if they're here for the neighbors?" You whispered even as the hair on the back of your neck stood up. Not here, not again. You and Changmin were finally getting answers.

He looked like he was about to counter when the driver's side door opened.

Instead of a big, scary monster or creature, the person who clambered out was quite petite. Then again, you weren't quite sure what to expect. She wore a big, white knit cardigan that hung off her frame, and she had platinum blond hair with dark purple highlights. The car door slammed shut behind her as she trudged up the grassy lawn toward the front door and rang the doorbell.

Changmin seemed just as surprised as you did.

"Girl Scout cookies?" You suggested under your breath. It definitely wasn't Girl Scout cookie season, and the woman didn't seem young enough to still be a Girl Scout. (And usually, Girl Scout sellers came with something to sell. This one just had her car keys and a phone.)

He passed you a look. The muscle in his jaw told you he was still on the offense. "Stay here," he said, then got up and quietly made his way to the front door.

The doorbell rang again, the sound echoing throughout the house loud enough to wake the dead.

Changmin made eye contact with you once more before he began unlocking the door. He pasted on a smile, with one hand on the doorknob to keep the door angled so the woman couldn't see past him, and the other lingering around his middle "Hi, can I help you?"

You didn't even think he had the vocabulary to be polite.

"Oh, uh, hi!" Chirped the visitor. Her voice was bright, but with a raspy quality to it. She neither looked familiar nor sounded familiar. "This is probably really strange, but did you recently move into this house?"

Changmin moved his hand up to his opposing shoulder. "Yeah, actually. My partner and I just moved in. Why do you ask?"

Partner? He meant the strictly-business kind, right?... Right?

You stood up and began making small steps toward him in the entryway. He must have heard you, because you saw his eyes flicker toward you in his peripheral vision, and he stuck his hand out behind the door to swat you away.

Like you were going to listen.

"Ah," said the woman, "I just…" she chuckled, shaking her head. "One of the neighbors texted me about seeing you guys come in earlier today. I used to know the previous owner; we were pretty close, I guess you could say."

His eyes darted to yours for a millisecond. You heard that, too, right?

You approached the door, standing just behind the wall and out of sight.

"Oh, you knew Sena?" Changmin asked.

"Yeah," she answered easily. "She was my ex-fianceé."

#13—NO SUCH THING.

"SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER?" The question nearly had you snorting tea from your nose. Beside you, Changmin had a similar reaction, turning away slightly to catch the water that trickled out of his mouth.

Mika, the woman with the platinum blonde and purple hair, the woman who had shown up at the door, the woman who was Sena's ex-fianceé, widened her eyes in alarm. "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry—is—is that not what you both are? I assumed when he said partner, but I shouldn't have—"

You shook your head, thumping your chest. "Oh, no, no," you said, pretending your voice hadn't gone up four octaves. "It's—it's okay! You just caught us both off guard, is all."

As soon as Mika revealed her identity, you said "screw it all" and practically ripped the door open. Any skepticism was dashed when she recognized you immediately as Sena's little sister—as stupid as it sounded, that was enough proof for you.

You invited her in.

Now, she sat on the armchair adjacent to you and Changmin. Sena's books had been kicked under the couch in the haste to clean up, leaving the first aid kit and legal pad out. To Mika's credit, she didn't comment on either one, just accepting your offer for a drink.

"We're uhm…"

"Kind of together," you said, but it sounded more like a question.

Changmin swallowed. "Uh, ish."

"It's complicated."

You hoped your face hadn't gone too red because it burned like the pits of Hell. Changmin didn't look any better; even his face was brushed in pink.

Mika let out a delicate laugh, lifting her mug of tea to her lips for a sip. "No, I get it. You don't owe me an explanation."

You could have sagged in relief. At least she seemed nice.

"I really appreciate you both letting me into your home," she continued and nursed the mug in her lap. "I know neither of you know me, but I suppose we have one mutual friend."

You nodded. "Yeah no, of course. I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you. Sena…" Hid so much from me. "Sena and I both had pretty different lives." Understatement of the century.

Mika straightened. "Oh, yes! I completely understand. She actually told me that she traveled a lot, and that you're studying—I believe it was accounting?"

You blinked. "Yes, actually."

"That's lovely, by the way," she said pleasantly. "I've never been great at math, so I admire you for that. Definitely not my cup of tea, but good for you."

"When is math anyone's cup of tea?" You mused, and she gave a little laugh of agreement.

This was… unexpectedly nice. But while the moment was sweet, you were divided internally. Sena told Mika about you, but didn't tell you about Mika. Had you done something where she didn't trust you enough to disclose this very important part of her personal life to you? It wasn't like you hid anything from her—you just, well, didn't have anything to hide.

"I didn't realize that Sena even told you about this place," Mika said, gesturing around at the house.

Oh, right. Back to the reality of your current situation. "Heh, yeah," you drawled and scratched the side of your neck. "She wrote all of the details down in her will for me." That seemed like a logical lie to tell.

"I'm surprised you weren't included in the will reading, Mika," Changmin suddenly jumped into the conversation. Your eyes were wide as you whipped your head toward him. His expression was carefully blank, words and movements executed with a lethal casualness. Because that was who he was—lethal. You just couldn't understand why he was putting it on for this lady.

"Changmin," you whispered sharply in reprimand, setting your cup down on the coffee table.

"No, it's okay, Yn," Mika replied good-naturedly. "It's a perfectly reasonable observation. I told her not to include me in her will, if she ever wrote one. I just… I have a lot of material things already, and it sounds kind of corny, but I didn't want anything like that from her—just her and her company." You noted the way she played around with the empty spot on her left ring finger absentmindedly, as if something—a ring—had once sat there.

Your chest warmed. At least you knew your sister was properly loved, as she should have been. A bittersweet sort of sadness wormed into the back of your mind still. "Ah, I see. I wish I would've known how to contact you after…"

"After that, yeah," she nodded. She swallowed, setting her mug on the table and shifting in the armchair. "Same here. Sena never gave me any means to get in touch with you, but I'm sure it was for a certain reason."

"How did you know that Sena was dead?"

You slapped your hand over Changmin's mouth. "I am so sorry about him. You don't have to answer that—"

"I just assumed that Sena had me as one of her emergency contacts, besides you, of course." Mika gestured to you with her expression still light and unbothered. You removed your hand from Changmin's mouth, nodding along. "Somebody contacted me about how her sister identified the body, but that Sena was dead, nonetheless."

That made sense. The morgue had been cold when you stepped foot inside it to confirm it was your sister there. You could imagine what Mika must have felt when authorities contacted her to give her the bad news. It must have been something close to how you felt.

With one hand resting in your lap, the other fiddled with your pendant. You'd forgotten to tuck it away earlier.

Mika's eyes darted toward it after following your hand movement. "Oh, that's an interesting necklace."

You enclosed your fingers around it and straightened. Every time anybody else noticed the amulet, you always felt like a deer in headlights. "It's—it's nothing really. I just—"

"I have one exactly like it."

Your fidgeting slowed. Heartbeat racketing against your chest, you could feel your counterpart tense next to you. "You do?" You stammered.

She bobbed her head. "I'm pretty sure, yes. Sena gave it to me. At first, I wasn't sure exactly what stone it was—I kind of just figured it was something precious, but I knew it had a level of sentimental value to it." Mika smiled, the corners of her lips curling sweetly, eyes misting. "I guess it makes sense that you have the other half."

Of course. Of course Mika had the other half. That was why Sena split the halves of the necklace and gave one half to you. Maybe this was her way of connecting you and Mika together by giving either of you a half of the very important necklace. One question that still remained was why hadn’t Sena mentioned anything to you about Mika or the other half of the necklace? Had she forgotten to write it down in her haste? Perhaps she hadn’t thought she was in danger just yet, and didn’t have a moment before her untimely death to sit down and explain everything in a letter.

“Do you happen to have the other half with you?” You asked her, leaning forward onto your knees. “I’ve been so puzzled as to what it is these past few weeks.” A blatant lie, but you needed to know how much Mika knew. She hadn’t mentioned anything about the dire importance of the necklace yet, but she said “sentimental value.” That wasn’t the same thing. Was it?

Mika pursed her lips and shook her head. “I don’t, unfortunately. It’s at home with my other accessories, but I’d gladly bring it for you to see, maybe over dinner?”

Changmin delivered a swift nudge to your side with his elbow. “Can I talk to you?”

You pressed your lips together. “Sure,” you said, and he immediately stood from the couch to head out into the hallway. You supposed he assumed you were going to follow him. You sent Mika an apologetic look, then trailed after your demon.

You found him waiting for you in the kitchen, leaning against the island with his hands folded over his chest.

“What did you want to talk about?”

He looked at you in earnest and pressed a finger to his lips in a quiet signal. You fixed him with a look, coming to stand beside him. “I don’t think we can trust her,” he murmured to you with his mouth by your ear. He had leaned over so close, you could see the pores on his skin.

The two of you pulled away simultaneously.

You coughed and braced an elbow against the countertop. “Why do you say that?” You asked. You didn’t mean for it to sound so defensive, but you bristled at the thought that you couldn’t trust the one other person who might have more insight into your sister’s life than you or Changmin.

Changmin cocked his head at his tone. “You believe her?”

“She hasn’t given me any reason to not believe her.” You pushed out a breath. If you stepped out of your own head for a moment, it was clear that something was bothering him. Considering he was the one with the supernatural experience and he had yet to be wrong yet, there had to be a good reason for him to not trust Mika. “Okay, why don’t you trust her?”

His eyes roamed over your face—he was doing that thing again—looking for something, but what, you weren’t too sure of. “I…” He sighed, “I realize that this—this is your chance to reconnect with a part of your sister’s past, but she… her presence just doesn’t sit right with me. The timing, her answers… sweetheart, there’s no such thing as coincidence.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek. “So you think she’s here because of the necklace, or something to that effect?”

“Yes, something to that effect,” he said.

“But all of her answers make sense to me. If Sena had both halves of the necklace, giving two halves to two of the people she deemed close to her would make sense. And I think what she said about the will was a little corny, but…” You admitted, “It was a little strange that Sena didn’t mention anything about her in the will.”

Changmin bit his lip. “I know we probably shouldn’t villainize her right off the bat, but there’s something so weird about this, Yn.”

“Okay,” you said, “I don’t fully agree, but let’s say yes to dinner and then go from there, yeah?”

He seemed to be in agreement after that, and the two of you returned to the living room where Mika glanced up from her phone. “Everything okay?”

You nodded. “Oh yeah. No need to worry; just a personal thing,” you said casually and took your seat from before. “You were saying something about dinner, right?”

As Mika told you about a neat, little restaurant nearby themed like a Prohibition-era speakeasy, you absentmindedly reached for your cup of tea on the coffee table. Before your fingers could make contact with the handle, you felt another hand bump yours out of the way. The cup was suddenly not there.

Instead, you glanced over at Changmin as he swept your tea mug up into his grasp. “Sorry, I wanted some. I hope you don’t mind.”

Your expression was quizzical. He must be a lot more comfortable with sharing things with you after he stole half your slurpee in the car ride. “It’s okay. I wasn’t really that thirsty,” you said slowly.

But his gaze wasn’t on you; it was on Mika. His eyes narrowed at her over the rim of the cup, and he drained its contents in one gulp, like a challenge. You would have to ask him about it later.

Mika didn’t look the least bit fazed. She continued on about dinner plans, none the wiser to Changmin’s dagger-sharp eyes. You had to give her credit for sitting there under his gaze without shrinking into herself, because you probably would not have survived.

The remainder of the visit went without a hitch. Mika didn’t say anything else that drew a snarky response from Changmin, and the three of you (really, it was just you and Mika who participated) decided to meet at the restaurant she mentioned the next day for dinner.

“Well, I think I’ve overstayed my welcome,” Mika laughed lightheartedly, and the both of you stood at once.

Changmin stayed on the couch, but you figured it would be fine if you just walked her to the door. You frowned, though, noting the way his eyelids fluttered, like he was trying to keep himself upright. “Nonsense,” you said to her, “it was really nice to meet you, Mika.”

You opened the front door for her, and Mika fitted her shoes back on. “You, as well. And your partner.” Her lips curled up into a sweet smile. “Can’t wait to see you both tomorrow again, and to get to know you better. We have so much to catch up on.”

You nodded. “Yes, definitely. Get back safe, Mika.”

“I will. Thanks, Yn.” She gave a wave before marching down across the front lawn. You lingered by the door to make sure she got into her car okay, and returned her final, little wave through the driver’s side window.

With one hand braced on the side of the open front door, you craned your head around to look at Changmin on the couch. “Hey, you doing okay?” You asked, eyebrows creasing at the way he was hunched over now. “Changmin?”

“I think she—”

You didn’t hear what he said.

From your peripheral vision, you saw something swoop in toward you fast. You couldn’t comprehend what was happening—just the blur of feathers, the scream you let out, and the sound of Changmin yelling your name.

He was so sure that Mika drugged your tea with essence of sloth.

After you and Changmin came back from the kitchen, he’d seen the way the surface of your tea swirled as if something had just been stirred into it. The tea, which had been a mild green color before, looked a shade deeper, with fresh steam rising from it. He recognized those properties so distinctly to that of supernatural essences modeled after the seven deadly sins. He hadn’t even needed to think about it—he just reached for it and drank the entire thing. The worst case scenario was that Mika put enough of the essence in there that Changmin would be slightly affected, but only that much; either way, he would be able to stomach it better than you could. He couldn’t let you consume even a drop of it.

But now that his eyelids were as heavy as lead curtains and his brain felt like cotton, he was thinking it had to be sloth. But even if it was sloth, he wouldn’t have been this affected by it.

It had to be something different. Something he hadn’t taken before, something she knew a demon wouldn’t already have tolerance to.

He tuned into the conversation happening, just as Mika was excusing herself to head home. Good, she would leave and he could sleep this fucking drug off. You would be none the wiser.

“—will. Thanks, Yn.”

Almost gone.

Changmin’s eyelids shuddered closed as he leaned forward onto his knees with his head ducked to his chest. This… whatever the fuck this was, it was hitting him… hitting him… like… like a truck.

A familiar voice—no, more than just familiar—came to him. Your voice reached out to him, a lighthouse guiding his ship through a storm to shore. “Hey, you doing okay? Changmin?”

Could you close the door and come closer? Come over to him and sit next to him again. He gave a rough shake of his head in an attempt to knock some sense into his head. “I think she—”

Your scream sliced him right through the chest, and he jolted. “YN?”

“Changmin! Changmin—”

Everything blurred in his vision as he tried to stand. The floor wobbled beneath him, and he swayed toward the polished wood violently. “YN,” he yelled. Please, please, please—he needed to get to you.

He could barely make out the shapes in his vision: the flurry of gray feathered wings, your legs kicking out as you fought your captor. Changmin’s body lurched toward you, but stumbled pathetically, nearly tripping over the coffee table. Panic seized him by the ribs, but he trudged onward. He… he had to get to you. “YN? YN.”

“Chang—”

He swore.

His knees hit the floor. He would fucking crawl if he had to.

A pair of boots came into his blurred vision. “Well, isn’t this a lovely sight?”

Something in the back of his mind told him to RUN. But he couldn’t. Fucking Hell, he couldn’t even push himself up.

His chin was tilted upward, and he made out the shapes of eyes staring into his soul like a cat to a mouse. “She’ll be alright,” the voice purred. “You have bigger problems now.”

#14—DON'T TRUST ANYONE.

OUT OF FEAR OF FALLING STRAIGHT TO YOUR DEATH, you didn’t struggle in the arms of your angelic captor. Your heart ratcheted around in your ribcage as you dangled from the powerful grasp of one divine being you didn't recognize. His feathered wings, colored a medium gray, would have been beautiful to you if you weren't currently one slip away from splatting to the earth. This angel was nothing like Jacob.

All you could do was wait for doom. Whenever it decided to take you.

You hoped Changmin was okay. You prayed to anybody listening that he was okay; the way he stumbled toward you… the desperation in his voice. You swallowed. Oh god, you hoped he was okay. You couldn't stomach the thought of it—of losing him.

(You hoped you were going to be okay, too.)

The night sky looked akin to a dark void. No stars hung tonight, and you couldn't even see the houses beneath your feet. You screwed your eyes shut—better to not look down.

It wasn't much longer that the angel dove down into the dark mass of clouds and your voice became entrapped in your throat again. When you opened your eyes, there was a large estate coming into view with small lights embedded in the grounds lighting the way like a private airstrip. The angel followed, letting your arms go when your feet were close enough to the ground.

You rolled into the grass—he grabbed you up but the back of your shirt to stand upright.

"Come on," he grunted, "let's go inside."

"What the Hell do you want from me?" You gritted out as he practically dragged you across the lawn and toward the mansion ahead.

Shit, where did he take you? The grounds sprawled around you for what seemed like acres. You didn't have the mind to appreciate the architecture though, if this was your final resting place.

The angel didn't answer your question. Rude.

When he wrestled you into the front foyer, he threw you to the cool, stone floor. Your hands and knees caught the stone with a sharp slap, and you winced, rolling onto your backside.

"Stay here until—" Something embedded itself into the side of his neck. He scrunched his face up in mild annoyance, feeling around for the dart and pulling the needle out. He scoffed at the puny thing, flicking it to the floor.

Somebody leapt out from the front window curtains, screeching like a bat out of Hell. The creature, the person, launched themselves onto the angel's back and reared their armed hand back, before plunging the blade of a knife between his shoulder blades.

Gold-tinted blood arced across the ceiling and walls. You were frozen in horror as you watched Mika cling to the angel's wings and stab him over—and over—and over—and over—

The angel fought well, but the blade—fucking Hell, it had to have been laced with something.

He fell face first into a pool of his blood, dead, you presumed.

You scurried backward, trying to put space between you and the angel corpse. The golden ichor was slowly trickling toward you over the polished floors.

Mika huffed a strand of hair out of her eyes, sweat dampening her forehead. Her entire front and hand was covered in angel blood. She swiped the back of her hand over her forehead, leaving a streak of it there like gruesome war paint.

She smiled at you—you shivered. "Sorry about that," she said, stepping over the corpse unceremoniously. "Had to get rid of him. This one was a pain in the ass to work with anyway." She gave the body a kick in the side, and you flinched.

"What—" you choked, "—who the fuck are you?"

Mika's cheerful disposition was still present in her face. Her eyes still turned into crescent moons when she smiled. She was still the Mika you met less than two hours ago, but also not. Nothing about her softness before brought you any comfort now.

"We just met, Yn, don't you remember?" She walked toward you, and you scrambled away. "Now, don't be like that. We're on the same side." The blade in his grasp glinted gold and silver in the foyer lighting, and she gestured with it. "Oh, this? I put a little something special on it—it's the same thing your demon drank. In this world, we need as many advantages as we can, Yn."

When you had yet to say anything, she sighed, disappointed. "Don't tell me you're not impressed. Your sister was the same way when I showed her the thing I made."

You had one hand behind you, inching toward Clyde in your back pocket. "What… what do you mean? Is Changmin going to be okay?"

"He'll be fine," she dismissed with a flick of her wrist. "Well," she reconsidered. "I don't know if he'll be okay. Depends on the mood of the angels who have him. But that's not our problem."

"If you want the necklace, you can have it."

Mika laughed. "Goody! I was gonna take it from you anyway, but no, that's not the only thing I want."

"What else could you possibly want?"

She towered over you and you stuck your angel blade out between you and her. She raised a brow at the knife, slowly leaning down to be eye level with you. "Your sister really didn't tell you anything, huh?"

You gritted your teeth in frustration.

"Yn, let me tell you a story." Mika settled into the floor in front of you, crisscrossing her legs. Gold clung and dried against her clothes and skin, but it didn't bother her. "Not long ago, I discovered a little thing in my grandfather's attic. It was two halves of a pendant, and when put together, it made the shape of an infinity sign—or something to that effect. I had no idea what it was, but I figured there was no use keeping it around; I didn't need it. I put it on Craigslist and waited.

"Lo and behold, I got a notification from someone interested. Her name—can you guess? I bet you can," Mika mused.

"Sena."

"There you go," she said, leaning back onto her palms with a wistful smile. "Sena and I arranged a time to meet, and the first time I saw her—do you believe in love at first sight? I do. I fell in love with her, and I like to think she did, too."

You attempted to put a stop to the shakiness in your hands. "Where are you going with this?"

"Impatient, are we?" Her eyes narrowed. She drawled, carrying on, "She introduced me to her world and the necklace. This little amulet that my grandfather had tossed in an old jewelry box could conquer worlds, in the right hands. Could you imagine that? Jumping from realm to realm in a supercharged version of yourself without losing energy?"

Your mouth pressed into a thin line. "Dangerous."

"That's the boring answer."

"You're sick."

"I like to say ambitious," she countered. "You're just like your sister. Sena wanted to figure out how to destroy the thing rather than how to use it. Waste of time and talent, if you ask me. She didn't get it."

Mika cocked an eyebrow at you. "She cut her finger on it one day and it drank up her blood like a sponge. It was too late for her to back out then—she was bound to it." She waved a hand in your direction, and you clutched at the necklace. "And now you are, too. Your blood is the closest thing to Sena's, and you're the only one who can make it work."

You felt the blood in your face run cold.

"Don't look so surprised. That's why the demon kept you around."

Your head was spinning. "You're not making sense," you sputtered. Changmin—Changmin wanted to get rid of this as much as you did—but… but he hadn't. He hadn't, had he? "Why should I believe you?"

Mika frowned. "What reason would I have to lie to you?"

"You just murdered someone you worked with—"

"Oh, and you don't think he has?"

Your mouth snapped shut.

She leaned forward a little. "You and I, Yn, would never have to live in fear of the supernatural. The power that lies in your hands now, around your neck?" She started pulling herself to her feet, and you swiftly followed so you wouldn't be on the ground anymore.

You didn't need her to have any more advantage over you.

"It's priceless," Mika said, opening her arms wide. "You know what your little demon was going to do with the finished pieces of the amulet?"

"He was going to destroy the pieces—"

"He was going to take it for himself and use it to get back in his family's good graces," Mika corrected sharply. She took a step toward you, and you took one back. "You never suspected why he was so desperate to make sure you both 'finished what your sister started?'"

Oh god, you were going to be sick. You couldn't believe her—you weren't just going to believe her. Everything was spinning.

He was so insistent.

He was always so damn insistent. And he had never mentioned anything before about destroying the amulet.

The demon that day… it had addressed him as Your Disgrace. Oh God—

"I don't," you forced out, "believe you." Were you a fool? Were you a fool for believing in the goodness of a demon who saved you from death more than once, made sure you were fed and healing and happy and safe? Had you made a grave mistake?

Don't trust anyone.

Why hadn't Sena mentioned anything about Changmin?

"Then you're an idiot," Mika quipped. "Even Sena knew better than you."

"Oh, shut up," you snarled. You backed up all the way into the next room—the kitchen. Yn, look for a way out, damn it.

"He figured it out. That you were linked to it, and you were the ticket to accessing its power and the other pieces." You both came to a stand still. The ichor crusted over like caramelized sugar all over her face and clothes and hands.

"You have the third piece," you said tightly.

She shrugged. "Of course, I do. Money can buy you so many things."

"Clearly, it can't buy you a moral compass."

Mika barked out a laugh. "Oh, you're funny! It's almost a shame you're resisting; I'd hate to pick off another Ln sister."

"What—"

She pounced.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you moved out of the way, barely missing the graze of her knife. You gripped your own in your fist and swung it at her, adrenaline rushing through your veins and urging you to win—because who knew what would happen if you lost.

She came at you again with teeth gnashing and stained in blood that wasn't hers. You'd seen her take down that angel with a wild ruthlessness.

You caught her wrist as the counter dug into your spine, the point of her knife glinting in the kitchen lights.

"It brought me—" she grunted, applying more force down on you, "—no pleasure to do what I did to her, but she wouldn't—listen."

You bit your lip and got one leg free to kick her off you. "Fuck you!" You grabbed the vase behind you and chucked it at her head.

You heard the glass shatter, but hadn't seen the damage done as you made a dash for the front foyer again.

"Not so fast, little Ln—"

Something snagged into the back of your shirt, and you and Mika went tumbling to the stone floor. Your head hit the marble with purpose, a sharp pain piercing through your temple. Your vision blurred for a second and you put your hands out to fight for your fucking life.

"You killed her?" You caught her knife hand again and managed a slice with Clyde to her side as you shoved her onto her back.

"I wasn't—trying to," she grunted.

You yelped as she attempted to claw at your face, your head swerving out of the way just in time. "What the fuck does that even matter?"

"It wasn't my fault she was dumb enough to leave the bar." Mika kneed you off her body and your knife flew. You swore under your breath and she immediately fisted a portion of your hair and yanked you back toward her. "You should've seen the way she stumbled like a baby deer. Your older sister—such determination. That car didn't even see her until it was too late."

With ferocity, you knocked your head back against her face. You heard the satisfying sound of bones crack.

"Fucking Hell—"

You dove for Clyde, your fingers wrapping around the handle just in time to roll out of the way as Mika came down over you for a killing strike. Her knife struck the stone, and she growled at you, dark red oozing from her crooked nose, with one hand cradling her face. The vision of bared teeth and blood sent a shock of fear down your spine.

"You little—" she screeched, licking the blood off her lips and staining her teeth. "I'm going to have so much fun using your blood and bones for the amulet. Don't worry, it won't hurt—me."

You swore as she came at you again without abandon. She brought her knife down, time and time again, trying to catch you at some point.

Your blade sliced across her cheek, but hers caught you in the side. You felt it break skin, and you had little time to mourn over the sting in your stomach before you were rolling out of the way again.

You scrambled to your feet and with a war cry for encouragement, you charged at her, leaping onto her back and sending her crashing back to the floor. You grabbed the back of her head and smashed it against the floor. "You murdered my sister."

Mika screamed, and she used all of her adrenaline to flip you over onto your back. Bloodied and bruised, she drove her elbow into your gut, sending the wind straight out of your lungs. "The only thing I regret—" she said, turning over to face you with half her face drooling with blood and her mouth curled into a wicked smile, "—is that she won't be here to watch me skin you half-alive and use your body parts."

She crushed your knife hand under her knee, and you screamed as the pain made you see white. Mika pinned you beneath her weight with her knife raised high above her like an executioner's axe. "Goodbye, Yn. Just know that you had a choice."

You braced yourself for impact, head turned away and eyes screwed shut. At least you would see your sister soon, right? Was that some reprieve?

But the blow never came.

Your eyes fluttered open just in time to see a sword made of living shadows arc up in the air and slice across Mika's neck. Her eyes went wide for a split second, and you choked in horror as her dismembered head hit the floor with a dull thud.

Her headless body fell listlessly to the side. Dead and rigid.

Her blood was splattered all over your face and the stone floor, and you could taste the iron of it on your tongue. You gagged violently, a gross sob ripping out of your mouth.

Changmin stood over you with his jaw clenched, eyes narrowed like daggers, and Bonnie in his grasp. His limbs trembled, his body covered near head to toe in golden ichor and some dark trails of blood from himself. Gold stained his palms and crusted beneath his fingers, and feathers of varying colors stuck out of his hair dampened in sweat and more blood.

The sword clattered to the ground and you startled.

Relief came crashing over you and you attempted to push yourself off the ground, but crumpled under your near shattered wrist.

"Yn," Changmin breathed, collapsing onto his knees before you and crushing your face to his chest. You fell apart—oh god, it was the breaking of a dam. His grip tightened around you, cheek pressed against the top of your head. "Fuck, I thought I lost you. Hey, we're—shit, we're okay. I got you."

For a moment, you let yourself fall apart against him. All of the fear and adrenaline dissipated into body tremors and tears.

You could feel his grip on you loosen, and you took that as a signal to pull back.

You knew the signs well enough by now—how his eyes drooped and fought to stay open, how he swayed with his world tilting on its axis. "Changmin, how much energy—"

"Had to… had to get to you," he slurred. He crumpled, and you struggled to keep him upright with your one good arm. "I don't—know—I'll be fine."

The last thing he saw before he blacked out was your face, scrunched in worry, haloed by the lights over your head. Yeah, you were safe now, and so was he.

#15—FOUR LETTER WORDS.

JI CHANGMIN CAME TO GROGGY AND LIGHT-HEADED. For a moment, he wasn't sure where he was, because the last thing he could remember was defeathering an angel prick one stupid bird feather at a time. He made sure each one hurt.

Why? Why had he done it? It was—it was for information. Information about what? …it was… it was about—you. He was trying to find where their friend had taken you. You—

His eyes shot open and he jolted upright, a groan escaping him at the way his entire body ached.

He collapsed back against the armchair he sat in and took in the room. He didn't recognize it at all. The drapes were too heavy and embroidered with gold flowers, the floor looked too polished and expensive. The couch sectional adjacent to him was made of leather too soft to be the one from Sena's safehouse.

The room was dimmed slightly with only the lamp next to him providing light.

He smacked his lips together as he recognized the taste on his tongue. It was metallic and thick; he'd tasted it before, could name it blindfolded at this point.

Where were you? You'd dripped blood into his mouth while he was out, hadn't you? He didn't remember drinking it or—

Something rattled when he tried to move his left arm.

He glanced down at his wrist hanging over the side of the armchair to find that he was cuffed to the lamp next to him with a sterling silver necklace. It was made of chunky links, the band twisted in a figure eight with his wrist in one side and the lamp in the other so it would tighten around him every time he tried yanking.

Smart.

He sighed. Great.

The sound of a throat clearing drew his attention away and to the far reaches of the living room. You stood just where the light touched you, one wrist wrapped in something like gauze and Band-Aids littering your face and body.

His chest tugged and lurched painfully at the sight of you. You were so badly hurt when he finally got to you, but he had got to you nonetheless. He had grabbed Bonnie and ran.

"Feeling better?" You asked him.

His voice was scratchy and he coughed. "Y—yeah. Kind of. I'll survive." He could feel his body stitching itself back together. He would definitely survive.

The angel bitches had reignited the pain in his broken ribs before, but it was slowly being mended again. They were all strange sensations.

"You're okay?" He asked, swallowing. He didn't know what he'd do if you weren't. You seemed okay standing so far away. Why had you… why had you chained him to the lamp? Why were you so far away?

Your nod was slow and you braided your arms over your chest. He noticed Bonnie leaning up against the wall next to you and the damned pendant still hanging from your neck. Only there was an extra chain beside it with the second half present too, the halves facing away from each other. "For the most part, yes," you said. "Scrounged up some things around the house to tape myself back together. Mentally and emotionally? That's a little different."

He had heard what Mika said to you right before he lopped her head off. "I can imagine. I'm sorry," he murmured. "I don't regret doing that."

"Beheading her?"

"Yeah, that." And he would do it a thousand times over if it meant you would live.

You glanced down at the floor for a moment. "I need you to be honest with me."

He let out a breath. "Okay."

"Why did the demon who attacked me at my apartment call you Your Disgrace?"

Changmin's blood froze over like the lakes in the seventh circle of Hell. Something akin to panic clawed at him from the inside and up his throat, and every instinct of his was telling him to shut down, reel back the drawbridge, and lock the gates.

But this was… this was you. You asked him to be honest. There was something in the way you looked at him, the careful mask you'd put on, that told him to fight whatever cowardice was trying to shine through.

He wrestled down another swallow. "My family—my father is a Duke of Hell. I'm the youngest of my family, but the only boy—" Changmin's knee bounced up and down to channel his nervous energy toward something else. "—and I didn't want the responsibility of being his heir or to be associated with any of that. I wanted freedom."

He could still remember the day he decided to run away. It was stupid that he thought he wouldn't get caught.

He bit down on his tongue so hard it bled. "Long story short, my sisters saved me from punishment, and my father did the one thing I wanted him to—disown me. I was banished from my home and exiled to the mortal realm." He pursed his lips and made a weak, vague gesture.

It wasn't a history he was proud of. For the first few years, it was all he wanted and more. But family was still family, and sometimes it was impossible to fill certain voids. Even for a demon.

Your voice carried across the room, "Did you ever consider trading the amulet to get back in your family's good graces?"

"How did you—"

"Yes or no."

His shoulder sagged. "Yes."

"Did my sister know?"

"Yes." He hated every single second of this conversation. Every yes he pushed out, he could feel your voice getting colder.

You cocked your head to the side. "Did you know how I related to the function of the amulet?"

"Yes," he said. "But it wasn't until you said it matched your heartbeat at the safehouse."

"And when did you plan to betray me?"

He gripped the arm of his chair. "I didn't—"

"Don't lie," you snarled.

His mouth snapped closed and he moved back like a flinch. His eyes shut for a second, before opening again to fixate on you. "I'm not lying," he drawled. "When I opened Sena's parting letter, I dropped any will to trade that thing to beings like my parents. I swear on my immortal life, Yn, I never intended to betray you at any point."

He didn't know how to get through to you. He didn't know how to convince you. Who was he but a creature of evil? He understood why you wouldn't be able to trust anyone, especially after the events of the past week. You were doing the best that you could… but fuck, you were so far away.

He'd fucked up.

You were quiet for a moment, and he couldn't read you. When he first met you, he thought he could read your thoughts and emotions like an open book. But now, it was near impossible.

"Okay."

A single word. Who knew four letter words could make him feel like this. "Okay?" He echoed, uncertain. Hope was so dangerous a feeling.

You nodded your head, shoulders lifting and dropping with exhaustion. "Okay," you repeated. "I believe you."

"You believe me? Why?" He asked against his better judgment.

You exhaled. "Well, for starters, you could have killed me like Mika tried to. You could have broken through that chain at any point, but you haven't. It's flimsy as Hell."

He glanced down at the silver chain around his wrist and gave it an experimental yank. It hadn't even occurred to him to break free; he hadn't the reason to. He was safe.

"And second," you continued, drawing his attention again, "you haven't given me any reason to not believe you." He didn't want to mistake the tenderness in your gaze now. Maybe he was seeing things. And it made his chest ache. "There have been so many times where you could have done away with me, but you always came back. For me, and not the necklace. I mean—keeping the necklace with me was one thing, but maybe I'm just stupidly convincing myself that you care."

Changmin shook his head in earnest. "It's not stupid." I do care.

You scoffed, raising a brow. "I sound like the dumbest person in the world, trusting a demon."

He hung his head for a moment, fighting for the right words. He grappled with himself, desperate and uselessly unable to describe the way he felt toward you because in demonic culture, this thing—this yank, this gravity he felt toward you—didn't exist. Demons used, stole, purged, devoured, but never whatever this was. This had to be wholly human.

"Yn," he began, feeling your eyes on him again, "I don't know what it is. And I can't describe it in a way that matters or might matter to you. But I'm—I'm… drawn to you." He wished he could shrink under your gaze, to be swallowed by the earth. Dear fuck, the way you pinned him down with that stare like you could see straight into his soul.

Changmin swallowed. "My chest aches, Yn. I don't know what it is, but it aches when I'm around you, and it aches when I'm not. It aches when you laugh, and it aches when you fucking say my name. And I—" He blew out a harsh breath, teeth gnawing on the inside of his cheek as he scavenged for the right words. He wanted it to matter because it had to. He wanted it to matter to you as much as it was coming to matter to him.

"I don't know what it is," he said again uselessly. "But I feel like you could just reach into my ribcage and I would let you. I would let you do whatever you want. Even if you—you wanted to just leave me here. If you would leave content and satisfied, then..." He would watch you go. But he didn't want you to. Please don't leave.

He wondered if he got the message across. He could barely possess half the meaning himself or wrap his head around it.

But he raised his head and watched you limp across the room toward him, his chest stuttering and stumbling the closer you came.

He could see you in the lamplight so much clearer now.

There were scratches all over your body, bandages littering your skin. But your eyes could devour him whole and he would sink forever.

You cupped his face with your good hand, and the organ in his chest flipped. There was a distinct softness to your touch, like the day your hand ghosted over his battered torso on the dock, and the way you tucked your cheek against his shoulder at the motel.

He shuddered, lips trembling.

"I love you, too," you said.

He knew you understood.

You pressed your lips against his, beautiful and perfect. Everything soft and tender he never thought he'd crave for all his life. It all melted into place. You were safe, and so was he.

The passenger side seat dug into your spine and your back molded against it like second nature. The sky was the color of darkened ash sitting at the bottom of a burnt fire pit, and the only light for miles around were the car's headlights. The road was barren, stretching on farther than your eyes could see. The time on the dash read a quarter past three in the morning.

Changmin sat behind the wheel with one hand steering and the other clasped between yours. Your dominant hand was wrapped up in a brace to support your broken wrist bones, and you'd replaced all your bandages with fresh ones. Bonnie was stashed in the back, and Clyde was tucked into your pocket as usual. Neither of you had any more of someone else's blood on your body, but you would feel the effects of the night's events for a while longer.

You were headed back toward Moonstone Creak. It was a place you looked forward to returning to, where Changmin knew you would be safe and happy, and where you knew you could be, too. Once you tied up matters at your old apartment, then matters about moving permanently could be settled.

You were playing it by ear, at this point.

Changmin's thumb ran over the back of your hand, gentle but with purpose. "You should sleep. It's a long way back."

The twin halves of the amulet hung from your neck with an equal, balanced weight. The third piece was tucked into your back pocket. You'd found it stashed among Mika's other accessories in her room. You and Changmin agreed it should be thrown somewhere over the side of a cliff. It needed to be lost and to stay lost.

Maybe you would give the second half to Changmin to wear.

"Why do you like blueberries so much?" You asked him instead of heeding his suggestion, as always. Your mouth opened to yawn, and he passed a sidelong glance at you.

He said, "They were the first thing I ate when I arrived on the mortal plane. They're a reminder of how far I've come."

You turned to him, and he met your gaze for a brief moment. "I didn't expect them to have such sentimental value."

The corner of his mouth curled upward. "That, and they taste good."

You smiled to yourself. "So about Bonnie—"

"I'm not teaching you."

"Asshole."

"Human."

You gave his shoulder a playful shove across the center console and he fought the grin on his face and lost.

He chuckled. "It was never an insult, by the way."

You settled back in your seat and curled your legs up. Brushing your lips against the back of his knuckles, you heard the breath that fell from his lips. "I know," you murmured.

a/n: i realize that you probably have questions... take it as an excuse to come visit my inbox! if you liked this, pls reblog :] thank you so much for reading mwah

[strangelockd]

2022 Reflection

Sorry for this being so late. Ive had a lot of things going on…

I’ve been having fun with this journaling/gardening app. It’s giving me many opportunities to reflect on the positivity and the things I’m grateful for in my life.

As I pause and reflect on my first year of being back on this blog, I’ve realized how much has changed. Not just me, but in how I see things.

It reminded me of my first encounter with Tumblr back in 2012 when The Avengers came out. I’ll never forget the time I first set my eyes on Loki, the sexy god of mischief. I’ll never forget the time I became a fan of something that was more than myself, fast forward to 2023 and here I am with my two loves Loki and Doctor Strange.

How can I forget the reason I chose to come back to Tumblr was of course, for Doctor Strange.

He so much more then a character, he’s the embodiment of inner strength and rising above your demons. He taught me that no matter how damaged you are, you can always bounce back and reclaim your life.

Multiverse of madness destroyed me in a good way to the point that I just had this itch to come back and re-blog pictures of Benedict. Like I was some giddy 13-year-old girl all over again.

Next thing I know my phone is a collection of Doctor Strange in Benedict Cumberbatch photos.😆

Now I found myself in this loving community of writers and creators pushing out stories of my own.

I never thought of myself as a writer, It was never really a hobby of mine, but I found through conveying my thoughts…healing began to happen….

Now Im hopelessly addicted to writing and I don’t think I want to stop 😊

I have some very special people to thank, bc if it wasn’t for these amazing humans. Im not sure were I would be.

@geeky-politics-46 not only is this woman, a bad ass super writer, but she is a bad ass woman warrior. She is the reason I started writing in the first place. She will always be my sinister sister through and through.

@purplefeathersandblackleather you came into my life when I least expected it, but when I needed it the most. I am forever grateful for our conversations that were able to have every day; you keep me grounded.

@lady-harvey for always being so loving and so kind towards me and my work. She never has anything bad to say about anybody. She’s just pure love.

@icytrickster17 how can I forget….easily I can never forget them. Their undying support for everything that I post good or bad I will forever be in debt with their love and support.

@dino-fart for her kind words and continuous support despite her hitting extremely hard times

 @bakerstreethound for proofreading my story, and always being there to support me with my Sherlock ideas

@marvel-writing I just met you. But, we have been unable to not stop chatting between each other. You are a breath of fresh air and the best person share photo of Ben with. 

Anyways as Forest Gump said, “thats all I have to say about that”

Hope I didn’t bore you to much. 😉

[chateautae]

maybe i do | kth. IV

➵ summary :  maybe you love each other, maybe you don’t. when a deal between your fathers leaves you forcefully wedding kim taehyung, arguably seoul’s most powerful CEO, you’re prepared for a loveless marriage of eternal regret and unhappiness. but maybe, it doesn’t turn out that way after all.

↳  part of the high-class series!

➵ pairing : taehyung x reader

➵ genre :  arranged marriage!au, ceo!tae, s2l!au, eventual smut, fluff, angst

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 16k 

➵ warnings : swearing, light angst, loads of teasing, you kick tae once LMAO, sexual tension :o, kissing, heavy making out, straddling, marking, dry humping, light possessiveness, some jealousy, slight exhibitionism (?), mention of a name kink, descriptions of acrophobia (intense fear of heights)

➵ a/n: i’ve returned with another loaded chapter i somehow made angsty, a lil smutty and yet soft? idk what i’m doing anymore i stg taehyung and this trifecta will not leave me alone. as always, feedback is appreciated my loves!

chapter four : “feels like a river’s rushing through my mind”

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“Jimin, we had to leave early because a lot happened last night, okay?” Taehyung tried to reason with his friend over the phone, rubbing his temple tiredly as he leaned back against the kitchen counter.

“What the hell else happened?” Jimin asked on the other end. “You two put on quite the show before you left.”

And there it was, a reminder of that searing kiss you pressed to Taehyung’s lips that still racked his brain, quite frankly all of last night’s events between you two invading his thoughts.  

“A lot. Look, I’m sorry we left early. It was a great gala but we just didn’t have a good night.” Taehyung sighed recalling the fiasco. 

“It’s alright, tell me later.” Jimin softened, suddenly remembering a contributing factor to the terrible night. “But is Y/N okay? Hisung probably scared her.”

“I think she’s okay.” Taehyung stated, wishy-washy about his own answer. “I’m worried... though.” Taehyung took a poignant pause, reflecting on his own feelings as he worked through them, speaking again. “Is it normal, Jimin? To want.. to protect her?”

Taehyung’s friend contemplated the question. “I mean, depends on why you want to. What’s bothering you?”

“... I don’t know. I’m just worried about.. if she’s alright. I know people said things to her and I don’t want her hurt. ” Taehyung asserted, your well-being suddenly beginning to occupy the forefront of his mind. “I think.. I don’t like seeing her hurt, and it makes me want to protect her?”

“Well, I think that’s normal for any human being.” Jimin suggested. “But she’s your wife too, Tae, you’re bound to care about her.”

Taehyung was quick to counter Jimin, but more so seeking his opinion. “Yeah, but it’s just.. do I care because she’s my wife? Or because it’s her?”

“What do you mean?” 

Taehyung sighed, searching for the best way to word his spinning thoughts. “I think I don’t know whether I care because I feel obligated to, or it’s something... else.” 

Jimin paused on the other end of the line, considering his friend’s confession.  

“Taehyung, even if it’s about her, that’s not a bad thing, you know?” Jimin stressed. “It’s not bad to feel something more than an obligation.”

Taehyung considered the statement carefully, understanding Jimin’s point. “I guess...” He acquiesced into the phone, attempting to digest the weight of the words until you suddenly appeared drudging into the kitchen, rubbing at your eyes tiredly.

“I’ll call you back, Jimin.”

Taehyung ended the call after Jimin’s farewell, casting his phone aside as he watched you sluggishly plop down onto a chair by the island.

“Hey, good morning.” Taehyung greeted. 

Your eyes were nearly half-lidded, not even returning his greeting as you instead propped your elbows onto the counter, holding your head in your hands.

“Did you not sleep well?” Taehyung inquired, concerned by your lethargic state.

“I don’t even know. I think I eventually did but I tried sleeping mad, and that’s never good.” You answered honestly, groaning at the sleep still lulling the back of your eyes.

“It’s because of those women, isn’t it?” Taehyung accused bitterly. “Can you please tell me what they said? It’s bothering me too.” He admitted with an irritated tone, bringing his teacup to his lips as he kept recalling your hair from yesterday; most likely wet due to something they did.

And it still pissed him off, even if he didn’t exactly know why.

“I’ll tell you when I’m dead.” You deadpanned, collecting yourself and biting into a kiwi from a bowl of fruits.

You couldn’t help but remember the context of what they conveyed, nodding towards knowing Taehyung for more intimate reasons, and you oddly felt jealousy at the thought. Though you ultimately decided to leave it be, patiently wait for Taehyung himself to open up about his past with women.

Because after all, it wasn’t your business.

“God, why’d the night just have to suck so much?” You complained.

“I have no clue. I swear galas aren’t like that at all. They’re actually usually boring.”

“Well, clearly not this one.” You beamed superficially, assuming a perpetually grumpy mood as you began to pick at food.

Taehyung had done much thinking about the event when you’d both returned to your humble abode, you having shredded everything off your body to immediately sleep while Taehyung dressed down and sat in his office chair to brood.

There was something bugging him. 

“Honestly, I think it all came down to one problem.” Taehyung claimed, leaning forward onto the island to level himself with you, hands clasped against the counter. 

“What problem?” You questioned.

“I think it has to do with the legitimacy of our marriage.” Taehyung suggested. “Hisung only approached me because he thinks our marriage isn’t real, and said others can tell too. That’s not good at all.” Taehyung cautioned, becoming troubled by the realization himself.

You nodded in agreeance, recalling the events from last night. “Actually, I think you’re right. Those girls mentioned our marriage seeming fake too, and how people can apparently tell.” You informed, thinking it was alarming yourself three people had already told you the marriage seemed superficial.

“Really? Did they say anything else? Why they think that?” Taehyung asked eagerly.

You became apprehensive about spilling the details of what was said to you, not wanting to throw another pity party. So you masked some of the vile words and relayed an augmented summary instead. “It was just about the marriage lacking substance. There seems to be no love, so it seems fake.”

Taehyung digested that, rubbing against his lips inquisitively as he reviewed the information. “So the issue is we don’t seem in love?”

“Probably. You can usually tell when two people are in love, and that’s clearly not us.” You’re not sure why your heart felt a little sting at that claim, again painfully remembering you were robbed of ideally falling in love with someone, but now more so at the fact Taehyung and yourself could possibly never achieve that sense of love. 

Taehyung also felt a twinge at your comment, thinking it was a touchy subject, though wasn’t against the idea if it ever auspiciously occurred in the future. 

Could it ever really happen between you two, though?

“You’re right, but is anything we’re doing wrong? We act like a couple, don’t we?” Taehyung added, uncertain of the reason behind people’s suspicions considering how much of a show you two put on in public.

“I mean, maybe it’s not that.” You suggested. “I think it has to do with our statuses.”

“What do you mean?” Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows.

“I’m some runaway heiress, Taehyung, and you’re one of the most powerful CEOs in Seoul. It could easily seem like something’s behind our marriage with that knowledge.” You reasoned, feeling some of the daunting words those women said to you resurfacing, pairing with your mother’s awful insults. “I have an incredibly scandalous reputation compared to you, it can seem fishy. ”

Taehyung painted his face with slight disapproval, not liking what you said. “You’re not just some runaway heiress...” 

“Look, scratch the reason.” You moved on before you could overthink his sentiment. “We just have to appear more couple-like, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So why don’t we try it? We should probably start going on dates, maybe.. I don’t know, you start driving me to work or something, build our public image as a couple.”

Taehyung became intrigued by your idea, accepting the proposal. “You’re right. Maybe we should even spend our lunches together?” He offered his own suggestion. “I visit you and you visit me, say.. once a week? People would always see us at each other’s workplaces so it could deal with the status thing.”

“Yeah, I think that works.” You agreed. “If we lay enough pieces of evidence, people won’t speculate so much.” You figured, feeling good about the proposal yourself.

“We’ll need to plant more evidence than just dates and driving, though.” Taehyung pushed himself off the counter and advised, gesturing towards your device suddenly. “What do you have me saved as in your contacts?” 

You didn’t understand where he was going though followed his instruction, unlocking your phone and displaying Taehyung’s contact on the screen, turning the device towards him.

CEO Kim Taehyung. 

“Why’d you give me such a formal contact name?” Taehyung nearly looked offended, folding his arms as he scrutinized you. 

“Hey, you’re a year older than me. I thought I’d have some respect.” You pouted as you answered, knowing you were right in your action. 

“I don’t do the whole age and honorifics thing.” Taehyung dismissed. “You should have me named as something less boring, more cute.” He proposed as he leaned back against the counter again, watching you in all your morning glory as you pouted grumpily at him. 

You looked soft this way, and even if you were flashing him a testy look, he couldn’t help but find you cute for the umpteenth time. 

You narrowed your eyes at him as you typed in a new contact name, snickering to yourself when you turned your phone back to him. 

Taehyung zeroed in on the screen.

Bread Crust Boy

“That’s cute, right?”

“Yah, you’re so...” Taehyung huffed out before he leaned over and quickly snatched your phone from you, typing in something himself.

“Hey!” You almost propped off your chair and protested before Taehyung finished, flashing the screen to you. 

Taehyung ♡

“There.” He smiled to himself accomplishedly, offering your phone back.

The emoji made you a little shy, never having thought about putting a heart next to his name. “Why the heart?” You grumbled under a rosy blush. 

“It’s cute. I’ll change yours too.” You retrieved your phone and watched Taehyung pull his own out, typing with one hand. 

You realized peering at him do so that even a relatively large phone appeared small in Taehyung’s hand, impressed by his ability to work his phone so deftly.

It made you momentarily think about what his hands could do in other scenarios. 

Taehyung then hummed to himself satisfied and it brought you down to earth, seeing him grin at his screen before he turned his phone to you. 

Y/N ♡

“Now when people see our contacts it’s more realistic.” Taehyung explained, shutting off his phone as you caught sight of the plain wallpaper of his device. 

“On that note, we should probably change our wallpapers. Make them pictures of us.” You suggested with a strawberry in your mouth, thinking this was one of the primary ways of flaunting a relationship.

“But we don’t have any pictures.”

“Sure we do.” You answered distractedly as you swallowed, accessing the camera on your phone suddenly. “Come here.” You gestured for him to come to you, holding out your arm as you remained in your seat.

Taehyung became a little apprehensive, stepping over to you with crossed arms not understanding what you’re doing. He made to your side and you draped an arm around him, pulling him down to your height and he complied by bending, becoming eye-level with you. His expression dropped once he caught sight of your camera app open. 

“Seriously, we’re gonna take a selca?”

You smiled sweetly for the camera as you answered absentmindedly. “Yes we are, say cheese!” You cheered annoyingly, snapping the photo before he could even protest.

You reviewed the photo only to find Taehyung wasn’t even smiling, rather looking at the camera blankly and with crossed arms like he was fed up.

“Taehyung..” You whined. “Can’t you smile? Why is your face always so scary?”

“It’s a habit.” He defended, eyes narrowed.

“Well smile for me. We have to look like a couple, remember?” You tried to encourage, pulling him close to you again and extending your phone for another photo.

You were all about adjusting your position and smiling again until Taehyung spoke up all of a sudden, nearly making you choke.

“You like my smile, don’t you?” His voice was smug as ever, you snapping the photo just as your eyes went wide. You instantly took a trip down memory lane, recalling how you so boldly listed the things you liked about him last night, genuine things and he’d heard it all.

“Wh-what? I just said that for the guys, totally not true.” You sputtered, feigning innocence as you grimaced at the terrible photo you took; your expression surprised with Taehyung smirking devilishly.

“Hmm, sure.” Taehyung played along, though suddenly got all mischievous. “I recall something about my hands and voice too, no?” He began teasing, dropping his voice an octave lower as he ghosted the shell of your ear, arms unfolding so he could wrap his large, warm palms around your waist and pull you snug to his chest.

You shivered at the actions, feeling extremely attacked by nearly all of your favourite aspects of him coming on at once, and you deflected it all speedily.

“H-hey, we have a photo to take. Make it cute, cuddler boy.” You quipped back at him, knowing a clear blush was heating your cheeks while positioning the phone for another photo. 

“Ugh, fine.” Taehyung groaned, ultimately assuming a friendlier smile as he still hugged around your torso, cheek to cheek as you two grinned for the camera.

You snapped the photo and admired it; both of you dressed all homey adding to the domestic feel of the selca while quite intimately close together.

It looked cute though a little too simple, didn’t convey the message you two wanted practically flashing in front of everyone like a neon sign. “This looks too plain, let’s do something cuter.” You suggested into the air, though beamed when another idea dawned on you. “Oh my god, let’s take a Live Photo!”

“What?” Taehyung questioned as he glanced at you. 

“A Live Photo, genius. We’ll smile for the picture at first then do something cute, so when people hold down on it it’ll look all couply!” You were practically jumping out of your seat, explaining like an excited child showing off their favourite toy, and Taehyung found it incredibly adorable.

“Okay, that sounds good.” Taehyung and yourself then settled next to each other again, his arms encasing your waist tighter as you held the phone out.

“Remember, make it cute.” You remarked, feeling his temple against yours as you initiated the Live Photo. 

You both smiled at first, your usual grins until you ended up scrunching your nose, eyes turning into pretty crescents and Taehyung flashed a boxy grin, free hand coming up for a V sign. 

You thought that was the end, concluding the photo already cute enough until Taehyung suddenly turned his head and pressed a kiss to the apple of your cheek, your expression baffled.

The Live Photo caught Taehyung’s kiss though cut off right before your reaction, Taehyung’s soft lips now on your mind. Your own lips turned into an inquisitive pout, doe-eyes looking at him. “What was that for?”

“You said make it cute.” Taehyung casually shrugged, grasping his cup of tea from across the counter and taking a sip, eyeing you as he did so.

You could only sit innocently and break eye contact, timid about the fact that Taehyung just decided to kiss you. The little sound of his mouth leaving it also made something swell in your chest, finding the act too cute for its own good and you seriously needed to do something about your stupid blushing habit.

Why the fuck did he always get you like this?

Taehyung was unbothered as he watched you, your shy self returning to your phone reluctantly and he seriously couldn’t stop from snickering at your reaction.

“I’ll..uh, send it to you.” You offered practically hiding your face into your phone, working away on the device. “Live Photo’s don’t work on home screens, by the way. Unless you don’t care about your home screen.” 

“We should change our home screens. Maybe one of our wedding photos?” Taehyung suggested, his hand hooked onto the back of your chair as he stood next to you.

“That sounds good. We should probably try keeping a wedding photo in each of our offices, the house too. Looks super domestic.” You proposed as you sent the photos to Taehyung’s contact.

“Our photographer sent some to me a few days ago, let’s look.” Taehyung placed his cup down and referred to his phone, bending down beside you and leaning an elbow against the counter to draw closer to you. His one arm was still around your chair and enclosed you, making your chest flutter a little.

You both scrolled through numerous photos, mutually dismissing most of them since they either appeared staged, someone looked too unhappy or they simply turned out unfavourable. You both were nearly giving up until Taehyung landed on a photo taken of you two at the altar, perfectly timed at the moment after you both shared your first kiss. You both were looking almost dreamily into each other’s eyes, in such a genuine manner it reminded you of why your expression appeared so in the first place. 

Taehyung had made his little promise before he kissed you, and quite tenderly at that, dawning the realization Taehyung was actually a kind person, someone considerate enough to ensure your kiss was somehow magical despite the circumstances of your coerced marriage. It’s what made you look at him in earnest, your eyes shimmering brightly at him with a soft smile.

Taehyung found himself smiling at the photo as well, recalling that very moment. He’d thought your lips were so delicate, and sincerely hated seeing you fight so hard to do this for him, with him. So the sudden, emphatic need to make your world a better place, that he at least owed you the care of a real husband dawned on him at that time, smile warm as he looked into your Bambi-like eyes.  

Suffice to say, you both liked the photo, and it was you who spoke up to point it out. “I think this is the best one.”

“Yeah, me too.” Taehyung agreed with a grin as he looked at you, though you were only focused on the photo.

“We should get this printed, plaster it everywhere to be convincing enough.” You brought Taehyung back to reality, addressing the whole purpose of this conversation in the first place. 

Taehyung mentally recollected and lifted himself off the counter. “Yeah, I’ll um.. send it to you for your home screen, get it printed for our offices and the house.”

You nodded as you returned to eating your breakfast, all completely normal and Taehyung couldn’t understand how you could be, thinking a lot just happened in the last 10 minutes that wasn’t exactly average between you both, and yet you were unaffected. 

“How about we go on a date next weekend? I’ll take you somewhere.” Taehyung perked up from his own thoughts. 

“Sure.” You agreed, distracted as you set the Live Photo as your lock screen. 

“Is there anywhere you want to go?” Taehyung watched your distracted self, clicking away at the device and he oddly wished you’d look at him. 

“I’d love anywhere. Do you have a favourite place?” You inquired unexpectedly, catching Taehyung off-guard. 

“Me? My favourite place?” 

“Mhm.” You nodded.

“My... favourite place?” Taehyung reiterated to himself, never having been inquired of such a thing before and didn’t know how to answer. “I don’t.. think anyone’s ever asked me that.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows to yourself, eyes still glued to centering your lockscreen properly. “Really? Well, now I have. I’ll go anywhere you like. You’re in charge, Mr. Kim.” You gave Taehyung the wheel. 

Taehyung sincerely tried not to feel affected by you addressing him as Mr. Kim, though felt himself tensing at the term more than he should’ve anyway, mind wandering places. 

What would you sound like if you said that in another scenario?

Taehyung ticked his head to the side reprimanding himself, audibly taking a breath and clearing his scandalous thoughts. He then returned to his other intoxicating thoughts; where he’d realized he was seldom asked questions about himself, and you seemed to be the only person who ever did. 

“Alright, then. I’ll think of a date for us.” Taehyung affirmed. “We should enact all this right off the bat, by the way. I’ll drive you to work from now on starting Monday, and I’ll come by at your lunch hour.”

“Sounds good. Though are you sure about dropping me off every morning?” You looked up at him beside you, knowing it was your own suggestion though only threw it out there for the sake of the conversation, considering later Taehyung had a more demanding career than you. “Don’t you start earlier than me?”

“I’m the CEO of my company, I can start whenever I want.” Taehyung shrugged, unbothered.

“Alright, Monday it is.” You smiled at him with a thumbs up, eyes flashing to your phone screen once again when a notification popped up.

Something occurred to you at the same time, though, speaking up when it tickled your brain. “Do you do pet names, by the way? I think we’ll seem 100x more convincing if we call each other by them.” You threw the suggestion out there, trying to remain calm though became anxiety-ridden gauging his reaction. He didn’t answer right away, rather remained standing in silence and you assumed this may have been too intimate. 

You grimaced at your mistake, retracting the idea. “Um, if you’re uncomfortable with that we don’t-”

“Jagiya.” 

“What?” 

“I do pet names. I always planned to call my wife Jagiya.” Taehyung confessed, tone casual next to you and you suddenly became aware he was still holding the back of your chair, his proximity apparent as ever. 

“I like Jagiya, it’s pretty.“ You admitted.

“What about you?” He asked.

You became shy about exposing yourself, deciding instead to make this amusing. “Guess.” 

“Hmm, babe?” 

“Taehyung, everyone likes babe and baby. Those are a no-brainer.” 

“I was just making sure.” Taehyung countered. “What about honey?” 

“No, too 70′s.” 

“Darling?” 

“You wanna go 50′s, now?” 

“Umm.. Princess?” And that’s when your cheeks immediately heated, freezing on spot and feeling your heart leap even if it was just for a second, hoping Taehyung wasn’t paying attention to you. 

Though his next words proved you wrong. 

“Wait, you like princess?” Your chest fluttered at his reiteration of the term, this one pet name having always been your weakness. 

“No, I don’t.” You grumbled, hiding your hot face in your hands so he wouldn’t be able to see you, though Taehyung was always about teasing. 

You felt him bend down next to you, speaking smugly into your ear with a purposefully lowered tone. “Don’t lie to me, princess.” 

“Shut up, Taehyung.” You huffed. “I know you like it when I address you formally.” You retorted back, now daring to stare him square in the face with narrowed eyes, and watched as he slightly sputtered. “What? I never said that.” 

“Please, I can tell you have a name kink, especially with your titles. It’s obvious.” You teased him, stating it so matter-of-factly it had Taehyung quipping back in seconds. 

“No I don’t, there’s no proof.” He tried to deny convincingly, standing up and folding his arms as he looked away from you. 

“Oh really, Mr. Kim?” Your tone suddenly became sultry as you reached out for his forearm, and you couldn’t help but become alighted by the feel of his veins underneath his skin. 

Taehyung visibly tensed, his eyes almost alarmed as he glanced at you touching his arm, rebutting as a distraction. “Yes, Mrs. Kim. I don’t feel anything.” 

“Are you sure, Chairman Kim? I think you’re lying.” You then slid your hand up to his bicep, smoothing him over as you continued to tease smugly. It only made Taehyung’s jaw lock harder, physically reacting to your every addressment and it had you nearly cackling. 

Though Taehyung knew how to fight back. He suddenly became bold and positioned his hands on either side of your seat, leaning over and drawing his face so near your own your breath hitched dangerously. “I think you’re the one lying, Princess.” His tone scarily dropped an octave. ”I know you like it when I call you that.”

The coldest shiver ran down your spine, sucking in a breath. He stared deviously into your eyes with his deep voice hanging in the air, breath fanning your face, and you turned away from his scrutiny before it could affect you deeply. 

“What? I never said that.” You held your head up high as you diverted your eyes and copied him, causing Taehyung to bite back a smile at your little act.

He found himself enjoying this more than he should’ve, both of you nearly on the same wavelength of energy and it was genuinely amusing. 

Taehyung couldn’t suppress the feeling of eagerness that now overtook him considering your newer, more engaging arrangements. Maybe in near anticipation of being able to spend real time with you, even take you out on a date and explore a new level of intimacy paired your already thrilling chemistry in mind.

It made Taehyung smile at first, though ultimately fade upon further thought. 

He suddenly remembered how unaffected you seemed earlier by the idea of your new couple-like tactics, and felt discouraged even more recalling this marriage has only ever been something fake to you in the first place. It caused him to squash any thought of that something else he’d mention to Jimin earlier, translating to him ultimately burying his exhilaration deep down to avoid developing anything at all.

Little to Taehyung’s knowledge, though, was that you were bubbling with eager excitement all the same underneath, only deflated by thinking this didn’t mean as much to Taehyung as it did to you.

Monday had arrived, and it was time to entirely transform the way you interact with Taehyung. It had all began with his promise of dripping you off at work, climbing into his Mercedes and discussing details about your lunch date for later that day. 

It would be relatively normal, though with some flashing each other kind smiles and make-believe loving gazes in case a camera decided to follow you two. 

Your day progressed as usual at work, casual co-workers continuing to ask you for the details of your married life with Taehyung, and only providing the polished ones Taehyung and yourself had agreed upon. You never dressed anything up too fancily without his consent, knowing one misplaced piece of evidence in your story could debunk the entire marriage. 

It was bordering your lunch hour now, awaiting a text from Taehyung as you collected the things you needed. You were shuffling around in your purse to confirm your wallet when your phone screen brightened. 

Taehyung ♡  : i’m here 

You picked up your device. 

You : i’m coming :)

You fixed your purse onto your shoulder as you met Taehyung in front of your building, leaning against his Mercedes adorning an Alexander McQueen suit, hands tucked in his pockets. The expensive outfit hugged his body snug, displaying the perfectly carved proportions of his masculine curves, internally gawking at the sight. 

His hair was set handsomely to reveal some forehead, the dark locks falling above his eyebrows flawlessly. His strong brows were lightly quirked with boredom, the action harmless in nature though the image was lethal. He truly appeared as the epitome of a Greek God, the manner in which he rolled his tongue on the inside of his cheek as he waited beyond sexy.

And you seriously wondered how you even breathed properly in his presence. 

He caught sight of you and his face lightened up, addressing you right away. “Hey, wife.” 

“Really, that’s how you’re gonna greet me?” You chastised him as you settled in front.

“Calling you wife makes sense cause we’re in our honeymoon phase.” Taehyung rebutted you. “Just get in, Princess.” He emphasized snarkily as he pulled your car door open, expecting you like a gentleman. 

You rolled your eyes, almost brushing past him normally until you decided to lay a hand on him, seductively dragging it across his chest as you walked by, voice submissive as hell. “Anything you want, Mr. Kim.” 

Taehyung felt something shoot through him, something dangerous and he wet his lips with his tongue, scoffing at your audacity. He shut your door shortly after you climbed in and began his drive to your lunch venue. 

He’d decided on an Italian café, choosing a table on the third floor in order to view the scenery of the city. The lunch progressed as normally as it could between you two, asking questions here and there that were too general for a married couple, though funnily befitting for you both. 

“So you’re CEO and Chairman of the board of directors, right?” You inquired, having done enough research on him and finding the two roles sitting comfortably under his notorious name. 

“Mhm.” Taehyung nodded, taking a sip of water. “My father stepped down as CEO when I was 21. He held both positions and didn’t trust anyone taking over except me.” 

“Wow, you’ve only been running the company for only 4 years and it’s reached this status? That’s... impressive.” You sounded it out yourself, genuinely taken by Taehyung’s success in such a short amount of years. 

“You know how much the company’s success has grown ever since I took over?” 

“I mean, it’s under any article that talks about you. You’ve done a lot for a 25-year-old.” You complimented him, biting into an egg, 

“Thanks.” 

“Why’d your father make you marry so young, by the way?” You questioned out of sheer curiosity, having found both your ages quite young to be bound to matrimony. 

“My father thinks I’m too invested in the company for my age. He wanted me to marry now to..” Taehyung stopped himself, not exactly wanting to spill the details behind his life since it bared a flaw of his, quickly changing the sentence. “..uphold our name. My father married young as well, it’s common in the Kim family.” Taehyung saved his answer; it wasn’t exactly a lie anyway, just not the right truth.  

“Ohh.” You nodded understandingly. 

“What about you? Aren’t you young as well?” Taehyung redirected the question to you. 

“Yeah, but it was mainly for my family too, especially my father. I owe him a lot, the least I could do was listen to him for once by marrying you.” You felt a pang of hurt plague you, remembering your mother’s words of how much you ruined your family. “I’ve also been on my own for a long time, so I don’t feel so young anymore.” 

“Fair point, I can relate.” Taehyung agreed, finding a correlation in both your lifestyles having forced your sudden maturation, amicable about having that in common with you. 

It wasn’t hard to relate Taehyung the more you talked to him, surprisingly finding yourself enjoying your time with him. You were more similar than you expected, and it dawned a new sort of appreciation for him. It was like this entire marriage would seem easier than you thought, especially with a great partner like Taehyung.

That was.. until it came time to pay for the meal. 

“And there’s your bill, I’ll come by in a short while.” The waiter smiled at you both before making their exit, scurrying off to another table. 

You weren’t really paying attention to Taehyung, and maybe that’s what made you believe grasping the bill would be easy. That’s exactly why you unsuspectingly jut out for the bill, suddenly feeling Taehyung’s hand also clamp down on the small black book. 

You both instantly shot a look to each other, eyebrows furrowed in incredulousness. 

“What are you doing?” Taehyung scolded. 

“I’m trying to pay the bill? What are you doing?” 

“I’m trying to pay the bill. You don’t have to pay.” Taehyung tried pulling the bill in his direction, though you kept your hand firmly placed. 

“And you who said that, President Moon? Move your hand.” You attempted to grasp the bill harder but Taehyung’s long fingers and somehow Godly grip became iron at this point. 

“I said it, now move your hand.” Taehyung stressed, eyes trying to discourage you though you remained as stubborn as ever. 

It then became a constant battle of pulling the bill in either’s direction, continuing for an almost laughable amount of time before the waiter returned, both of you composing yourselves at their presence. 

“Are we ready to go?” 

“Yes.” You and Taehyung both answered, snapping a scrutinizing look to each other. 

“Alright, then. Is there a card in the book?” 

“Mine.” Again Taehyung and you answered at the same time, both of you becoming irritated with each other and sending death glares enough for the waiter to feel displaced. 

“So.. whose card will it be?” 

“Mine, here you-” Taehyung almost responded completely until you sharply kicked him in the shin underneath the table, Taehyung biting down on his lip to contain his reaction and hand faltering from offering his card. 

“There you go, thank you so much.” You beamed at the waiter as you passed your card, bowing respectfully before leaving you both alone. 

Taehyung was still reeling from you kicking him, speaking to you in a hushed hiss. “What the fuck was that for? You’re wearing heels!” He bent down to rub at his possible wound, wincing at the sting. 

“Pay for me like that again and it’ll be harder next time. You’re already taking me on a date this weekend.” You hmph’d at him as you crossed your arms, feeling slightly sorry for kicking him so hard though you tried to justify it by remembering he deserved it. 

“For fuck’s sake, what am I gonna do with you?” Taehyung asked rhetorically, scoffing as he found himself between scolding you but also cracking up at the situation. 

Nobody has ever dared kick him, let alone tell him off. 

Nobody but you.

“My shin still hurts, you know.” 

“Taehyung, I didn’t even hit you that hard. Stop complaining.” 

“Well, clearly it was. I guarantee there’s a bruise.” 

“Then we’ll treat it, yeah?” You and Taehyung bickered down the hallway as he offered to walk you back to your office, claiming he should be able to see where his wife works for ‘informational purposes’. 

Whatever it was, you let him tag along. 

“Maybe if you didn’t hit me so hard.” Taehyung was really just trying to pull on your leg at this point, maybe even trying to elicit your sincere apology just so he could see you cutely beg him for forgiveness. 

He wouldn’t admit that aloud, though. 

“Look, my office is right there.” You pointed to the door just at the end of the hallway. “You’ve successfully walked me back, you can go now.” You softened a bit, grateful he’d taken his time to actually accompany you back to your office. 

“Nope. I should see your office too, don’t you think?” Taehyung wasn’t even sure why he was so adamant on not leaving yet, just found himself interested in exploring your life. 

“Fine, I’ll show you.” You sighed, walking in front of him to open your door. 

Taehyung was welcomed by a small, though cute office. You had wall-to-ceiling windows against one side of the room though was cut off by the unfortunate width of the smaller room. The view was large enough though to look out at the hint of Seoul’s skyline, not as high as his own though it was substantial. 

The office actually seemed to reflect you in many ways; the warm, pastel colours, a gigantic smart board clearly for designing, little personal touches that screamed you. Not to mention the scattered equipment and supplies needed for the workings of an architect sprawled across your desk, reminding him of the way your things were frantically moved into your studio back home. 

He smiled, liking the way you’ve managed to transform the rather quaint office into something welcoming, cute, almost relaxing. “It’s really.. warm in here.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I get cold easily so I turn the heat-.” 

“No, no. Not like that.” He clarified. “The room, it feels warm as in.. comforting. It’s nice.” Taehyung couldn’t help but draw comparisons between the room’s feel and you, flashing back to when you so easily calmed him down at Jimin’s gala a few days ago. 

The way your delicate hands soothed him, even kept him from hitting Hisung; it all continued to occupy his thoughts in a way he couldn’t quite word. 

The only thing he could accurately describe was gratitude. Gratitude that you were so warm in that situation, so comforting and could so pacifyingly aid him in a time of need. It was fucking poetic. 

“Oh, thanks.” You smiled at his compliment, almost shying away as you watched him admire your office. It felt scary to have a big-shot CEO visit your office knowing his is 100x better, the compliment definitely refreshing. 

You didn’t even realize you were admiring Taehyung admiring your office until someone knocked on you ajar door, turning around to see it was your co-worker Alex with some papers in hand. 

“Hey, Y/N, sorry to interrupt but could I borrow you for a second?” He gestured to the hallway outside, and you immediately followed the request knowing it was work-related. “Oh, of course.” 

Alex then stepped out, not having noticed Taehyung was in your office. It would’ve been okay, but Taehyung already didn’t like hearing your name uttered by some strange man, whirling around at just the lower register of a male voice. 

He furrowed his eyebrows as he watched you leave, you mouthing to him you’ll be back in a just second. You were just outside the room anyway, so you knew it wouldn’t be long. 

Though Taehyung didn’t know that, and he again found himself eavesdropping knowing it was a bad habit of his. 

“Did you get the proposal Mary sent to you?” Alex asked. 

“I.. uh, did she send it Friday?” 

“Yup, to everyone. She wanted us to review it this weekend before the briefing today.” Alex informed, though he found you drawing a blank. “Don’t tell me you forgot.” 

“Ah, fuck.” You swore as you remembered Friday, having left early and most likely missed the entire memo about the proposal. Not to mention the grand shit show that occurred that day and had kept you in such a sour mood you never considered work. “Honestly I did. I was so busy that day.” 

“You’re so lucky we’re friends, Y/N. Here,” Alex offered you a set of notes, your eyes scanning over them quickly. “It’s a summarized version. I knew you’d miss it since you left early on Friday, so it’s enough you’ll survive Mary’s nagging.” 

“No way, did you seriously do this for me?” You were baffled, flipping through the document to see it seriously detailed the right amount of information, and wasn’t just fluff. 

“Of course, why wouldn’t I? Can’t have her chewing your head off about it.” You and Alex laughed, recalling Mary was quite the eccentric character, and often grew angry over the smallest of details. 

“Seriously, Alex. You saved my life. Thank you so much.” You beamed, genuine gratitude in your voice. 

“No problem, I could tell you were busy when you left so early. Someone had to be your knight and shining armour.” Alex quipped, nudging you and you chuckled a little. 

“Oh please, I’m so sorry I made you do all this extra work.” 

“Don’t sweat it, it’s what friends are for.” Alex then suddenly reached a hand out and gripped your upper arm, nearly gazing into your eyes and his tone was coated with such sincerity you could feel it in the air. “I’ll always be there when you need help, Y/N. I mean it, in anyway I can.” 

You digested his words. “Thanks, Alex. I’ll make sure I summarize Mary’s proposal for you on our next project!” 

“We’ll see about that. I never want you to be doing more work than you should.” Alex chastised, hinting towards your slight workaholic tendencies and you felt like you were caught red-handed. 

“Ah, we’ll see. I’m gonna get going, I’ll see you around!” You chimed, stepping towards your office as Alex called back, walking away. “For sure!” 

You waltzed back in after shutting the door behind you, still replaying Alex’s sentiment of actually doing this amount of work for you as you placed the documents on your desk, lingering for a second until you completely forgot there was someone else in the room. 

You didn’t even remember him being here until you felt that same looming aura nearly demanding it be known, and you almost responded to it, before his deep, weighty voice sounded from across the room. 

“So, who’s Alex?” 

You turned around in lightspeed, remembering Taehyung was here. He’d assumed a leaned position against the wall with folded arms, his stare intimidating as he studied you standing in front of your desk. 

“Huh?”

“Who’s Alex?” Taehyung reiterated with a curt tone, though didn’t seem entirely angry. 

“He’s just a co-worker, Taehyung.”

“A co-worker who can’t see your married?” He scoffed, suddenly finding himself vexed. 

“Taehyung, it’s nothing like that.” You tried assuring, though Taehyung didn’t budge. 

“He did that extra work for you, doesn’t seem like nothing to me.” He countered, annoyance leaking into his tone as he kept his hard gaze set on you. 

“Oh c’mon, Taehyung. He was just being nice. Don’t tell me you’re getting jealous.” 

“Jealous? Couldn’t be me.” Taehyung denied. “I just don’t understand why you’re not wearing your wedding ring.” He suddenly pointed out with a scarily leveled tone, and at this point it became alarming. He was being too calm for the context of his words, making you apprehensive. 

You wanted to physically smack your forehead at his observation though, forgetting you’d left it behind by accident. “Fuck, Tae, I swear it was a mistake. I just forgot it on my vanity after I took a shower this morning.” 

Taehyung slightly softened at you using his nickname, and seeing you didn’t purposely leave it off. Though he was still annoyed by the situation more than he liked, grumbling to you. “You should always be wearing your ring. People should know you’re married.”

“Taehyung, I would never purposely leave the ring off. Besides, people can get the hint just by the way I act.” You knew you gave the correct signals to veer needy men away, becoming confused why Taehyung was so adamant about the wedding ring. 

“I always want to see it on you regardless. I could tell just now by the way he was talking to you it was more than being a co-worker, the ring would’ve made a difference.” Taehyung was less harsh now, though still held a resentful manner of speech whenever he mentioned Alex. 

“It wouldn’t have, he’s acted like that even before I wore the ring.” 

“So he acts however he wants regardless of whether you’re married or not?” Taehyung became even more annoyed. “Who’s this guy? Where’s his office?” Taehyung was just about leaving the room before your voice called him back. 

“Taehyung! Oh my God, there’s nothing going on. He knows who you are.” 

“He knows who I am but still had the audacity to touch you? What a brave fucking man we have here.” Taehyung joked to negate this burning feeling simmering inside him, scoffing to himself. You attempt to lighten the mood with a harmless chuckle. “Taehyung, you’re acting like he kissed me better than you or something. Don’t get so mad.”

“Oh, so he’s kissed you?” Taehyung didn’t know why that one sentence pissed him off so much, but his tone naturally grew more snippy than he planned and it gave him away.

“No, Taehyung, I was joking.” You stressed, arms crossed as you looked at him from across the room. “It’s not like you’d kiss me for more than a show, anyway.”

“Who the hell said I wouldn’t kiss you for more than that?” 

“Me.” You deadpanned. “It’s all just for show. You wouldn’t kiss me to claim me, and you wouldn’t even kiss me if someone dared you to.”  

“I can kiss you for a lot more than just a show, especially when it involves a guy who can’t remember you’re married.” 

“Oh, please. I dare you, Bread Crust Boy.” You became bold, rolling your eyes as you exchanged looking at him for sifting through your papers unbothered, not expecting anything from Taehyung, “I’d like to see you try. You know, maybe Alex is a better kisser, maybe I should find it out.” You continued on a rant, frustrated he was getting so worked up over nothing. 

“Or maybe I should go looking in my department for other guys to lock lips with only to see you still wouldn’t-” You were then cut off by Taehyung suddenly inches before you, grabbing your face and colliding his lips against yours in a single breath. 

You barely had time to react, eyes widening at first though registering the feel of Taehyung’s lips against yours, ultimately relaxing into his kiss. Your hands came up to hold his that held you, mouthing at him just as much as he mouthed you. 

His lips were so soft, oh so soft and full, it was difficult to not take the plushy flesh between your teeth. You felt sparks fly within your stomach as it felt like he was kissing you with intent, to prove a point, evident in the way his large palms completely engulfed your cheeks and were pulling you onto his lips.  

Taehyung continued to open his mouth to swallow more of yours, not even realizing the sheer power of his kiss had somehow walked you both back against a wall. 

Your back suddenly contacted the cold paint and your breath hitched, feeling his mouth swallow any exclamation you’d make, the feeling of his body crowding you against the wall utterly divine. His tongue swiped the bottom of your lip patiently as you gushed in a place you shouldn’t, almost requesting access and when you opened your mouth, Taehyung was more than happy to slither his tongue inside. 

You tasted him then, the sweet sensation so good you let out a light moan, fingertips digging into the back of his rough hands. 

Taehyung’s body jolted when he hears you moan for the first time.

Your grip on his veiny hands become harder the more he worked his lips against yours, constantly mouthing at you like you were fresh water and you only reciprocated the same desire back. 

The kiss was intoxicating, becoming utterly otherworldly until Taehyung suddenly tore his mouth from you, leaving you flustered and oddly, disappointed.

You were both only left breathing hard, eyes staring into each other’s in shock as you huffed and puffed together. Taehyung then licked his lips and broke eye contact with you, clearly trying to register what in the world just happened. He collected himself in a split second, returning a more serious look as he cleared his throat. 

“Like I said.. I can kiss you for more than just a show.” He made his point,  retracting his hands from your face as he began walking towards your door. No rush or haste, rather calm, too calm as he stepped away from you. 

You were still trying to quell your racing heart as you watched him grasp the door handle, pulling it open by just a crack before speaking, his broad back to you. 

“Always wear my ring. And if I see that co-worker touch you again, I’ll make sure the way I kiss you is definitely to claim you, and nobody has to dare me.”

And with that, he left with a hard slam of your door. 

Two weeks. 

Two weeks have progressed, and you still haven’t been able to erase that fucking kiss from your mind. You knew it was the result of your own teasing, though were completely unaware Taehyung was the type of man who did not like his ability being questioned, and if you ever did so you’d be in more trouble than you bargained for. 

But you’d gone and done it anyway, your punishment being your inability to forget his mouth against yours for 14 whole days. 

And it was utterly dangerous. 

Not only did it occupy your mind as a singular thought, but also invited multiple ones of what more he could do, what more he was capable of with those deft hands and muscles of his, often sending you over the precipice. You found your mind wandering more than it ever has, now regarding everything about him in a new light that was leaving you tearing your hair out. 

His lap wasn’t just a lap anymore, it was now a seat you were sometimes itching to sit in just to know what it feels like. His arms weren’t just limbs, rather strong muscles you wish would hold you, wrap around you. His lips weren’t just a part of his face, rather ravenous, plushy pillows you wanted not just against your own mouth, but on your neck, your collarbone, your skin, anywhere else on your body that had you igniting at just the salacious thought. 

And it was agonizing, had you physically needy and trying your damn hardest to now ignore anything remotely hot or attractive about him. 

But alas, that was the most difficult thing to do on planet Earth, because all of Taehyung was hot and attractive. 

Ignoring him was not easy at all, because avoiding how incredibly tempting Kim Taehyung is, especially when he lives in the same damn house and sleeps in the same bed as you, also not to mention, is your husband?

Call Tom Cruise, because it was mission fucking impossible. 

It was even more difficult now considering your new farce as a couple, needing to be closer, more intimate with him as you two continued on with your lunch dates and car rides. 

And each riveting time you were subjected to seeing him manspread as he kept a firm hand on his steering wheel, seat himself across from you at restaurants in his impeccable, sexy winter fashion and hair always, always set to perfection.

It especially didn’t help seeing him all the fucking time, viewing him in all his glory, in his natural element as you picked up on the smallest of things about him. You noticed he held this sense of innate mindfulness for you, recognizing the way he’d walk on the side of the street with the traffic, placed your one mug you frequented for your coffee on the counter every morning, left more of your favourite fruit, kiwi behind in the fruit bowl during breakfast.   

Absolutely none of that rather sweet stuff slipped your attention, but then came the stuff that made you quite shamelessly rub your thighs together whenever you saw him. You noticed he had enough muscle that indicated he lifted weights, sometimes pondering what he looks like when he works out.  

You didn’t even want to begin on whenever he worked at home, living completely normally, innocently and yet he was spitting image of Adonis every fucking day.

He would often adorn glasses and dress down enough to be void of his suit jacket, shirt sleeves folded up with a few buttons on his chest undone, and that silky hair of his sexily mussed as he’d run his slender fingers through them in concentration. 

And oh, what you would fucking give to have your hands in that hair, card through the dark strands, maybe tug at the tresses as his face is nestled right between your—

“Ouch!” The shower’s hot water suddenly burned your skin, the steam clouding up the marble walls as you lowered the temperature, water running down your body as you got ready for your date with Taehyung tonight. 

Another punch to your mental gut was that this was Taehyung’s shower.

You both had at least agreed on using different showers in order to keep some privacy between you two, knowing it would’ve been too intimate to share a bathroom in general terms. This led to you using the bathroom of the room next door while Taehyung used the bathroom of originally, what was his own room. You’d already had an argument over who would use which bathroom since Taehyung insisted the largest bathroom in the house (his), should belong to you. Though you ultimately kept shutting him down to the point in which he acquiesced, and you settled on the second largest bathroom in the house because he still insisted on at least that. 

Today Taehyung was working in his study, and claimed that one of his housekeepers reported there was a more apparent draft of winter’s cold air leaking into your bathroom, the window’s seal possibly weakened. Knowing you get cold easily, Taehyung became precautionary and convinced you to use his bathroom instead to get ready for today. 

You didn’t know how he felt about that, and concluded he felt no particular way since after you two shared your quite steamy kiss, he’s been completely normal. Even when it came down to acting more like a couple, he was relatively average and like himself, nuanced and composed. It would make your heart sink a little, thinking after all a dumb kiss wouldn’t mean much to him considering Taehyung has been with other, probably hotter women before you. 

That aside, here you were, using his high-end shower to no avail at actually understanding how to use it. He’d supplied the instruction of simply turning the handle for temperature and such, and cautioned not to press any of the other settings next to it. 

You’re not exactly sure why, but you had a hunch it had to do with the extra jets on the sides of his shower, concluding you should obey him since you’d probably get yourself in a mess otherwise.

You’re seriously unsure why it was always so hard using someone else’s shower, though everyone eventually felt victim to the struggle one way or another. 

And sadly, a part of that everyone was you today. 

You were shampooing your hair, humming mindlessly to yourself when your mind wandered for the 57th time since Taehyung kissed you, when you suddenly felt a sting in the corner of your eyes, blinking a few times until it quickly spread throughout your entire eye painfully. You attempted running your eye under water to quell the sting though began feeling it in your other eye too, causing both to temporarily lose sight while you blinked incessantly in discomfort; and that’s when you realized you’re the biggest idiot on Earth. 

You’d gotten fucking shampoo in your eyes. 

You began panicking considering you’re a hypochondriac who was always sensitive about your eyes, and so your hands speedily came up to try rubbing the stinging solution out of them.

Though had completely forgotten there was even more shampoo in your hands from washing your hair, only making the situation worse. 

Great fucking going, Y/N!

It utterly stung to open your eyes anymore, and began writhing in the shower haphazardly, whining at how utterly stupid you are and trying to soothe some of the pain under the running water. It almost worked until you suddenly hit your lower back against the handle of the shower, feeling some sort of nozzle shift and ultimately spell the doom of your next 10 minutes. 

Out of no where, hard jet streams of pressurized water came bursting out at nearly all directions of the shower, and considering your shorter self, while Taehyung was much taller, you were completely engulfed in the bouts water. 

The streams were harsh and felt like knives against your skin, coming out so strongly you were only left exclaiming and trying to cover them with your hands completely frantic and panicking. Nothing worked with water spraying in all directions, unable to view the adjustment of the settings at all and it seemed only someone’s help could save you at this point, screaming the first thing that came to your mind. 

“Taehyung! Taehyung!” You called out urgently, water continuing to practically beat you with it forcefully spraying all around you, and that’s when you knew you were never going to shower in Taehyung’s bathroom ever again. 

“Oh my fucking God, TAEHYUNG!” You screamed louder, more severity in your voice while aimlessly trying reaching for the shower handle though couldn’t find it for the life of you. 

“I need help, Taehyung!” There was a shrill in your tone with so much necessity, it wasn’t long before Taehyung came bursting through the door seconds after, slamming it open and filled with emergency like someone was dying. 

“What?! Y/N, what’s wrong?! Are you okay!?” 

“Taehyung! The jet streams turned on and I can’t see, I CAN’T SEE!” You were shouting as though you were in a horror film, unable to see Taehyung though knowing the shower door was separating you both. 

“What happened? I told you not to touch any of the other settings!” 

“I’m sorry, I turned it on by accident, just please turn it off, Taehyung, it fucking hurts, please!” You were begging, voice grave and Taehyung could tell this was real fear he was hearing from you. 

“Okay, I’m coming! But you have to let me open the shower door.” Taehyung abandoned all care and stepped towards his shower, worried like hell hearing you continuously exclaim in either pain or complaint. 

“I will! Just for the love of God turn this fucking shower off!” You stressed, trying to rub your eyes again though it was only causing the solution to spread further in your eyes, the jet streams blocking your vision. 

Taehyung took a breath to calm himself down before sliding the shower door open, ultimately unable to see your body though averted his eyes from you nonetheless. He disregarded the fact that he was getting his own clothes wet, the jet streams spraying on him as he reached over for the handle of the shower and finally turned it off. 

He quickly subtracted himself from the shower, grabbing his bathrobe from the back of his door. He automatically looked away from the direction of the shower when he turned around, only stepping close to hold the robe out along his wingspan. 

You still couldn’t open your eyes though, the shampoo continuing to burn until you registered the water was finally turned off. 

“Taehyung, don’t look at me or I swear to God I’ll kill you!” You managed to get out, suddenly realizing there was nothing to hide your naked body before him.

“I’m not even looking, Y/N. Don’t worry, just come to me.” Taehyung instructed, knowing your wet, naked body was just before his eyes, and trying his damn hardest to not lose his mind over it. It was utterly distracting with the knowledge your bare skin was dripping with water, clouding his thoughts about what more he could see, though kept himself strictly in check. He continued to avert his line of sight, held the robe high enough so he couldn’t see below your shoulders. 

“Taehyung, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to come to you?” You held your arms over your body to conceal yourself with shut eyes, scandalized by how candid this all was. 

“Why can’t you see? I already turned the water off.”

“I got shampoo in my eyes, okay! It’s still burning for fuck’s sake!” You whined, shaking your leg incessantly to try and manage the pain. 

“What? You got shampoo in your eyes? How much of a genius are you?” 

“Just help me, okay! It really hurts.” You nearly wailed, and Taehyung sighed heavily thinking about what the absolute hell he was going to do with you.

“Okay, okay. Look, just step out the shower, I’m holding out my robe and I’m going to wrap you in it.” Taehyung directed with a calming tone, drawing himself closer to the shower door for you.

“But I can’t see!” 

“It doesn’t matter! I’m standing right in front of you with a robe, just come out, Y/N.” He cautioned, you pouting about being unable to see until you ultimately gave in, the sting in your eyes still burning as you took a tentative step out, arms covering the intimate parts of your body. 

“Don’t look at me, please.” You pleaded with embarrassment, foot meeting the bathroom floor. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not looking. Just come a little closer and I’ll put my robe around you.” Taehyung tried to quell your worries, peering only at your face. 

You then stepped further out, becoming cold until you suddenly felt Taehyung wrapping his warm, fluffy bathrobe around your smaller body, engulfing you in his arms. You sniffled as you nuzzled into his hard chest, the feeling of him warmly hugging around you all too comforting, if it weren’t for the remaining sting in your eyes from the shampoo. 

“Do your eyes still hurt? Can you open them?” 

You looked up at him with closed eyes, trying to pull them ajar though it only made you continuously wince, Taehyung speaking up. 

“Okay, don’t open your eyes. I’m going to wash them out.” Taehyung secured the robe around you, wrapping it tighter around your body as he tied it, the expanse of his broader shoulders causing the robe to slightly slide down you smaller ones. 

He then lead you towards his large, high-end bathtub, sitting you against the edge as he knelt down on one knee in front of you. “I’m gonna lean your head back against the edge of the tub, and use some water to rinse your eyes out, okay?” Taehyung warned as he reached over for his handheld spray, leaning you against the tub as you complied. 

“Okay.” 

The back of your neck then met the edge, Taehyung holding your cheek to maintain your position as he pressed against the spray’s button, allowing the water to softly contact your eyes and wash out the shampoo solution. 

“Is it too cold?”

“No, it’s fine.” 

“Alright, try opening your eyes slowly so we can get water in them.” 

You nodded and did exactly so, fluttering your eyes open occasionally as the cold water began soothing the sting in your eyes. You let Taehyung treat you just like this, carefully spraying until you could eventually open them properly. 

You cautioned him you were okay and Taehyung stopped, placing the spray  back as he gently grabbed your sides and lifted you up on the edge of tub, still propped on one knee as your heights evened out. 

He looked at your slightly reddened, bloodshot eyes, jutting out his hand to move a piece of your wet hair from your face. He seemed to be looking at you for the sole purpose of looking again, and it was a poignant moment before you said anything. 

“I’m sorry.” You solemnly apologized, your eyesight falling to the ground catching his white button-up nearly drenched from the torso up, his hair damp.

Taehyung chuckled, hands faltering to grip your arms instead as he regarded you. “What for? Because you can’t shower properly?” His little laugh was music to your eyes, glad you were able to make him to do so. 

“Hey, it’s not my fault you have such a complicated shower.” You just about hid your face into Taehyung’s robe, cheeks heating up in complete embarrassment. 

“I told you not to touch anything.” 

“I got shampoo in my eyes!” You protested. “I started freaking out and pressed something by accident.” You pouted at your own stupidity, crossing your arms. 

“You’re like a baby, you know that?” Taehyung teased, cocking an eyebrow as he registered the robe was almost hilariously too big for you, sweater paws coming out as you folded your arms and he found it adorable.

“Shut up, you like taking care of this baby.” You hmph’d as you looked away from him, completely embarrassed by him having to save you from some stupid shower mishap. 

Taehyung chuckled again, clearly amused by the way your cheeks so easily gave you away. “You’re not wrong there.” He laughed, though came to the unfortunate realization of something. 

“We don’t have to go on today’s date if you don’t feel like it.” Taehyung felt a twinge of disappointment saying that, though wanted to consider you may not want to go anymore seeing your red eyes. 

“No, no.” You instantly denied him, having been excited about the date for an entire week and you weren’t going to pass up that opportunity. “It’s okay, Taehyung. I want to go.” 

Taehyung’s faced lightened up, rubbing the pads of his thumbs against your arms. “Alright, then. You can get ready and we’ll go anytime.” 

“Yeah, of course.” You then looked at his white shirt soaked, sticking to his body and revealing skin you seriously did not have the capacity to say sane enough about. 

You absentmindedly reached out to touch the ends of his wet hair, apologizing. “I-I’m sorry you’re all wet cause of me.” You stated guiltily, lips falling into just about a pout and Taehyung could never get over the affect it had on him. 

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll just change my shirt.” He brushed you off, getting up from his kneeled position as you protested, “Wait.”  

He halted, you standing up as his eyes fell back to you. You’d grabbed a small towel by the edge of the bathtub, swinging it over his head and tippy-toeing to lightly dry his wet hair. 

He looked at you with near puppy eyes, confused until it turned into a grateful grin. “Thanks.” He said, smiling a welcome back and letting him dry his own hair. “Remember to wear something warm today, by the way.” He reminded you,  turning around and making towards the door after you responded with an okay. 

He then exited, leaving you wrapped up in his gigantic robe and constantly thinking about how damn much he was becoming a part of your life. 

Taehyung was holding your hand in front of the entrance, smiling widely next to you as he tried gauging your reaction. Your lips were tucked away behind a white scarf, adorning a grey, plaid coat and black knee-high boots as you looked on in wonderment, taken by where Taehyung chose for your first date. 

“This is it.” Taehyung gestured, you trying to register just how gorgeous it was. 

It was a winter-themed amusement park, absolutely stunning in having set up the usual rides though with a winter wonderland theme; the polar express as an interactive attraction, Christmas lights anywhere you looked and even a Ferris wheel that looked nearly like a gigantic reef. 

“This... is your favourite place?” You gawked, sight flashing to every bright and festive embellishment that added to the park’s charm, Taehyung falling victim to admiring the way the lights reflected in your big, doe-eyes. 

“Mhm. Let’s go.” Taehyung led you with a smile on his face he didn’t remember having. 

It took no time for you to automatically love what he chose for you both, adoring the place as you two sauntered around care-free, your arm hooked around his as he detailed the attractions and the park for you.

It didn’t take much for either of you to be dragged onto rides as well, both of you mutually wanting to visit every amusing thing the park had to offer and bubbling with excitement anytime you waited in line. Your conversations were light-hearted as usual, teasing here and there while talking about the most useless, though somehow entertaining things. 

You both eventually found shelter inside a sweet shop, nabbing a table near the window in order to see the lights and rides shining outside. Taehyung was just opposite of you, both of sipping away at milkshakes. 

“This place is... beautiful. I can see why it’s your favourite.” You commented, eyes catching sight of an attraction whizzing by as you brought your straw to your lips. 

“Yeah, it’s nice.” Taehyung piggy-backed, following your line of sight and also watching. There was a moment of silence as both your visions wandered off, your light voice breaking it. 

“Tell me.” You said, confusing Taehyung. 

“Tell you what?” 

“Why it’s your favourite. Tell me... anything about you, if you want to.” You voiced softly, almost hesitantly as your gaze locked with Taehyung, admiring him in his brown, plaid winter coat with a white turtleneck underneath, hair set to fall delicately over his forehead though curl above his eyes. He looked far too handsome for your heart not to flutter, the slight colour in his face as a result of the cold only making him glow more handsomely, finding him nothing short of a work of art. 

“I came across it 2 years ago trying to sign a deal.” He placed his milkshake down. “I thought it would be a smart considering amusement parks are moving towards more technological enhancements for rides and attractions. I ended up signing a larger park, though, not this one.” Taehyung casually relayed as he crossed one of his legs, seated suavely as he looked out at the park. 

“What the hell? I didn’t mean the business side of it, genius, I wanna know why you like it.” 

“I just told you? I found it.” 

“No, you tea drinker. There’s clearly something you like about it enough to bring me here.” You deadpanned, leaning over the table to talk to him more convincingly. “You can tell me, what do you like about it?” 

Taehyung began spinning with his inner turmoil again, unsure how someone is so invested in knowing anything about him. Ever since his young age he was raised and trained to really only care about the betterment of a business, consider the most optimal ways to achieve success as a Kim so he could ultimately bring pride to their name. He rarely explored anything outside that concept, and even less was ever questioned about it. 

That’s what usually tied his tongue as well, whenever it came to revealing anything about himself. He was always so rooted in keeping it all hidden, uncertain if he’d ever spill such details about himself to anyone. 

Though with you, there was something different. There was always something different about you, and so he found himself leaning against the table to speak earnestly to you. 

“I.. like winter.” Taehyung started, not really making eye contact. “I’ve always liked snow. I think it’s cause I was born in December.” 

“December 30th, right?” 

“Yeah, so it’s natural I like the holidays as well. I guess that’s why I like this place so much, it’s everything good about winter in one place.” Taehyung shrugged, relaying more than he ever really has to anyone. “I like amusement parks, too. So there’s that.” Taehyung added with a light smile, taking a sip of his milkshake. 

“That’s nice. I love winter, too.” You agreed with him. “I think snow is pretty, but I also like when you stay inside with people. It’s always so warm that way.”

“Really? With your anemic ass that always cold?” 

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes, though there was a smile tugging at your lips. “That’s precisely why I like it. You get to be close and warm with people.” 

“Fair point. I’ve always liked that too.. warmth.” Taehyung doesn’t know why there was something lingering behind that sentence, especially when he should’ve been talking about warmth as an objective concept. However, he couldn’t help but compare you to warmth, remembering his observation from the first time he met you. 

You were just really warm. 

“What else is there to know about the mysterious Mr. Kim?” You twinkled your fingers for effect, gauging his answer. “How would he describe himself?” 

“As the best CEO in Seoul.” Taehyung leaned back in his chair and draped his arms over the back, attempting to appear cool with a smirk but you weren’t buying it. 

“Oh my God, could you not associate yourself with your job for like, two seconds? I meant you, Taehyung, as in Kim Taehyung, not CEO Kim.” You stressed, feigning disappointment in him as you watched the gears shift in his head. 

He was oddly shocked at his first, eventually pursing his lips in thought, carefully considering what to say before he answered. 

“I guess I’m a little.. reclusive.” Taehyung admitted. “I’m a people person, but I also like being on my own, where I can recharge. People usually misunderstand me, think I’m emotionless with an intimidating stare, but I just don’t know how to express myself all the time. I can’t always put it into words, so nobody exactly.. understands, or tries to.” Taehyung revealed candidly, almost thinking it was too much until you digested the information attentively, positively. 

“I get that. Especially in the business world where everyone judges really easily.” You spoke from experience, remembering this was one of the many reasons you hated the lifestyle so much, especially when you were of familial status. 

“Yeah, not the nicest .” Taehyung agreed. 

“Is that why you like art and photography?” You suddenly asked, Taehyung snapping his vision to you impressed. “Pardon?” 

“I mean, I like designing because it lets me express myself. I was thinking maybe it’s the same for you.” 

Taehyung sincerely thought in a moment like this he’s never met someone like you. He felt utter appreciation in seconds, gratitude that someone actually understood him for once in his life. Someone had just genuinely seen him, not the CEO, Chairman Kim others saw, but Kim Taehyung. 

He was beyond happy. 

“Yeah, actually. Art has always been.. a fascination of mine. Photography is more personal, I feel like I capture my feelings in time.” Taehyung gestured as he created a frame with his hands, capturing the bustling scene outside the window. “I feel a lot of things when I take photos, so they’re like a manifestation of how I see the world through my eyes, my own lens.” 

Taehyung was being so sentimental you actually thought he could see the stars in your eyes, adoring the way a genuine smile constantly tugged at his lips as he talked, and it made you grateful he had something that brought him such joy. 

“That’s beautiful, Taehyung. Really beautiful.” You complimented. 

Taehyung chuckled a little shy, addressing you. “What about Mrs. Kim?” 

“What about her?” 

“Tell me about her life, how she ended up here.” Taehyung took a sip of his milkshake again, setting it down as his attention fixated on you.  

“You know most of it.” You began. “I’ve come to hate business ever since my father’s start-up. He became successful, but then I hated the idea of depending him, like my success would somehow always be linked to his name, so I abandoned my role in his company and now everybody hates me.” You beamed sarcastically, taking a small sip from your milkshake as your eyes focused on nothing in particular. 

“That’s a lie, how could someone hate you?” 

You scoffed, “You clearly haven’t met my mother.” 

Taehyung then flashed back to your disastrous conversation with her, remembering the words said to you along with the wound on your check, grimacing at how much it still pissed him off. 

“If I can ask, has your relationship always been that way? With your mother?” Taehyung asked out of curiosity. 

“Pretty much. She hates me for not being the heiress I should be. Compared to my brother Yoongi, I’m pretty much a disappointment. I ran away for selfish reasons, and I’m... a burden.” It began to hurt to talk, trying to smile to lighten up the sting buzzing in your chest, though you stopped before anything became too grave. “I’m just kind of.. worthless, I guess.”

“I don’t think so.” Taehyung defended. “I think it takes guts to do what you did, it makes you courageous, if anything, not worthless.” 

His words made you look at him, his eyes filled with something assuring, comforting and it automatically soothed you more than it should’ve. 

“Thanks.” A small smile found your face, beginning a new topic to get away from this miserable one. “What was your life like, before we got married?” You asked, this one questioned having itched at you ever since the gala. “Have you ever been in love?” 

Taehyung didn’t react to your question really, only drew his index finger to his lips in thought, lightly shaking his head when came to an assured conclusion. “No, never been in love.” 

“Really? You’ve never dated?” 

“I have, just nothing serious.” He answered simply, your mind chasing for him to reveal more about his past with women until you reprimanded your nosey thoughts.  

“What about you?” 

“Me?” You pointed at yourself. 

“No, the waiter.” Taehyung deadpanned. “Of course I mean you.”

You flashed him a narrow-eyed look before sighing, sipping your milkshake dispiritedly. “You’ve already met him.” 

“I have?” Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows, leaning onto the table again. 

“Mhm, think hard.” You waited for him to get it, knowing he’s intelligent enough. 

Taehyung then connected the dots like he usually did, tone inquisitive. “Kiseok?” 

You nodded. “Our dads are friends from SNU so I’ve known him all my life. I fell in love somewhere...” Your words faded, heart breaking at just the memory of your tiresome, tragic relationship with him. “But I don’t think he did. He would say so, but it was always a lie. I was just some fun for him to have, I guess.” Your eyes faltered and rather watched yourself fiddle with your own fingers, trying to manage the pain that came with admitting something you tried to avoid for a long time. 

Taehyung could see the hurt on your face, knowing this was something difficult for you to share and he hated ever asking the question. His heart softened, filled with a twinge of pain seeing you try to smile again. He also filled with anger at the fact that he didn’t clock Kiseok like he should’ve, though he digressed for your sake. 

“You’re more than that, you know?” Taehyung’s dulcet voice pulled you out of your haunting thoughts, weary eyes looking at him as he continued. “You don’t deserve that, Y/N.” Taehyung said, gentle eyes set on you. “You don’t deserve the terrible things that have happened to you.” 

You’re not sure why Taehyung’s statement resonated with you so much, nearly sending you to the brink of tears with the amount of earnest in his words. You could only feel sheer gratitude for someone having finally said that to you, especially after how much you’ve endured on your own. 

You’d spent too long silently fighting your battles, constantly forcing yourself to push through whatever hell you experienced without rest, and most certainly without help. It was hard, extremely hard to have been alone all this time, so hearing Taehyung tell you that, his look as warm as ever, and you were completely moved. 

Taehyung’s lips then curved into a little reassuring smile, looking into your eyes with compassion as you locked with his gaze. A moment passed before he suddenly rose from his seat, stepping towards you and extending his hand. “C’mon, let’s take you to my favourite place.” He cocked his head towards the exit, expression tender as he held his large palm out for you. 

You smiled up at him, taking his hand delicately as you left your seat, chest filled with incessant butterflies you had no way of getting rid of, and didn’t know if you exactly wanted to. 

“For fuck’s sake, when did it get so cold?!” You hissed, jogging in your place in line with Taehyung to keep yourself warm. 

“Don’t worry, we’re next in line.”

It still didn’t take away from the fact that you were freezing your ass off,  muttering frustrated as you tried warming up your hands. “Doesn’t make it any less cold, genius.” You retorted, stepping faster in your place for more warmth. “You wouldn’t know since you’re a furnace. 

“Jheez, just come here, you icicle.” Taehyung grumbled as he suddenly pulled you towards him, wrapping his arms around you from behind and tugging your back to his chest, chin resting on top of your head. 

“T-Taehyung, what are you doing?” Your eyes practically blew out, hands instinctively falling around him holding your waist.  

“Keeping you warm.” Taehyung stated simply, until he suddenly dipped his face into the crook of your neck, speaking lowly by your ear. “Princess can’t be cold, now can she?” 

Your heart was beyond fluttering at this point, nearly hiding your face in your hands at the feeling of Taehyung’s strong arms wrapped snug around you, acting mischievous in front of everyone watching. 

You were only focused on the feeling of Taehyung hugging you from behind when you suddenly caught an extremely good-looking pair of women ogling at him, stealing your attention. 

Scratch that, now that you looked, nearly everyone around you gawking at Taehyung and yourself very evidently, clearly admiring his Godly looks or high-status reputation and it instantly left you either jealous, insecure or both. It didn’t help that every woman who saw him and gave you a dirty look was someone incredibly hot, causing you to flash back to the women who spoke so casually about spending the night with Taehyung, and little to your knowledge just how many nights, with how many women. 

It made you possessive, jealous that everyone was most likely considering how much better he could’ve looked with someone else, someone hotter, someone prettier. Insecurity was surely there, though now you severely felt the stubborn emotion of wanting to prove a point to everyone, and even more so to Taehyung. 

Just like when you kissed him at the gala, you couldn’t help but think that maybe sometimes Taehyung could also contemplate he wants a better wife; a sexier one, a smarter one, a prettier one, and it’s what caused you to grab his tie arbitrarily and kiss him so boldly that night. Even if he’s always been relatively nice to you, maybe you really were a disappointment in areas that turn him off. 

Especially in the sexy one. 

You knew you could be sexy, but it just took the right amount of trust and knowing a guy to really become engaged with him in that way, and Taehyung has always been a bit of a stranger to you. 

These are the thoughts that occupied your mind as you two found your seat in one of the Ferris Wheel cars, sitting across from Taehyung as the ride began to move. More of the amusement park came into view, and Taehyung became taken by the lights brightening the dark night. You would’ve said the same, watching as the attractions below became smaller, smaller and smaller until one thing you’d forgotten before getting on this ride suddenly occurred to you. 

Your extreme fear of heights. 

You were trying to remain calm until the car had reached the highest point of the Ferris Wheel and abruptly halted, sending the car to scarily move. You thought it only stopped in place to permit more people onto the ride, though an announcement sounding just after your wishful thinking confirmed it would be much longer than you expected. 

“Some technical difficulties has stopped the ride, we’ll proceed normally in 10 minutes.” 

And this was when you went into overdrive. The ground suddenly became too far away, the dark of the night making everything only half visible to you and the height entirely dreadful. Panic began to flood your chest, leg bouncing incessantly as you gripped the edge of your seat hard, trying to swallow your fear down your throat. 

You thought Taehyung wasn’t paying attention to you, though he spoke up suddenly noticing your change in behaviour. “Hey, are you okay?” 

“N-no.” You decided to admit honestly for your own good as you swallowed hard. “I-I don’t really like heights.” You hated that you always manifested tears in your eyes whenever panic overtook you, trying to dry them so as to not alarm Taehyung, though he became concerned all the same. 

“You sure you just don’t like them? You seem terrified.” 

“Okay, I lied. I’m really fucking scared of heights.” You declared near tears, trying to hold them back as you looked at the ground beneath you and could only think about what would happen if you fell. 

“Really? So if I just..” Taehyung then teasingly reached for the width of the car, about to move it as a joke until you cried out in a frantic shrill, utterly horrified. 

“Taehyung, stop!” You nearly shrieked. “I’m serious, please don’t move it, please” Your tears betrayed you and one dared to fall, shaking in fear, wanting to curl up into a ball just to escape the suffocating feeling of panic in your chest. 

“Oh shit, you’re actually acrophobic.” Taehyung realized he’d made a mistake, grimacing at his now stupid joke. 

“You think!”

“Okay, okay. Come here, come to me.” Taehyung then leaned over and held out his arms, the car small enough so that he was substantially reaching for you. 

You were apprehensive, though slowly hooked onto his forearms securely, standing up with deer-like legs as you stepped tentatively into his arms, Taehyung pulling you next to him in a single breath. You plopped down beside Taehyung and rapidly wrapped your arms around his torso, nuzzling yourself close to him in fear when your weight on his side of the car made it move. 

You clutched onto him for dear life, on the verge of crying at how high you two were. “Why is it so high, why are we so high?” You asked rhetorically in a fearful mantra, voice breaking as you bordered on more tears. 

You were tensing in utter terror until you felt Taehyung’s comforting arms find purchase around you, hugging you to him. He held you near, rubbing at your arm pacifyingly as he leaned you into him. “It’s alright, Y/N. I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t mean to do that.” He apologized in earnest, registering you had a serious phobia and could tell just by the way you were fearfully shaking in his hold. 

You didn’t respond, him only feeling you continue to shake as you clung to him hard, figure telling of intense fear. “Hey, try talking to me.” Taehyung offered, knowing you two would unfortunately be stuck here for a while. “Is there something on your mind? Talk to me.” 

You tried to focus on his words and less on your fear, remembering there in fact was something on your mind, bringing it up as a distraction. 

“There is, actually, but.. I don’t know if I should say it.”

“You can tell me anything.” Taehyung encouraged. 

You thought the question over before you considered suppressing it. “D-do you think our relationship needs to be more sexy?” You grimaced at yourself for asking, feeling Taehyung tense underneath you and thought you’ve really done it now, preparing for some sort of rejection.  

Until Taehyung responded. 

“What do you mean?” His tone was oddly too leveled. 

 “I just.. um, thought maybe people don’t believe our relationship cause we’re not.. sexy enough.” 

“Why.. do you think that?” Taehyung sounded it out himself, growing alert by the context of the conversation, while you were adamant on proving a point. 

“Well, maybe people like my co-worker get too comfortable cause they don’t see the sexy side of our relationship.” 

“And how would we fix that?” Taehyung knew his question opened the door for something more, more discovery, more exploration and he thought he may have taken it too far. Though when you lifted yourself from off his side, looking into his eyes in earnest, he thought he may not have made a mistake after all. 

Taehyung swallowed, looking into your expectants, doe eyes as you looked at him innocently; until you flashed a glance at his welcoming thighs deliciously manspreading. You tried to remain calm about it, taking a deep breath and going all in, tentatively bring your hands to his chest and hook one of your legs over him. 

You bravely straddled Taehyung’s lap in a single moment, settling above his crotch as you peered at him with an unreadable expression. 

You didn’t know you could be so bold yourself, but kept replaying you may be depriving Taehyung of something you’ve been wanting all this time, too, and so you took your leap of faith.

Taehyung froze, eyes wide as his hands naturally fell around your hips sitting on him, and he couldn’t help but grow weak at the innocent look in your eyes though your body doing the contrary. He only watched as your sight lingered on his soft lips, his own hands canvasing up to grip your sides with an emotion he could only label as want, eyes filled with anticipation.

“We can fix it... like this.” You spoke, hand sliding up to grab Taehyung’s jaw. You didn’t think, mind blank as you leaned forward and pressed your mouth against Taehyung’s in a single second. Taehyung didn’t even have time to feel surprised, in shock for an instant before he began relishing in the familiar sensation of your lips, warm palms smoothing over your sides. 

You slid closer to his body, feeling your chest push against his own as you deepened the kiss, already slow and searing in nature though now with a hint of lust, a hint of desire that leaked into the way you began grinding your body against his, needing more. Taehyung gladly accepted that, opening his mouth to let his tongue tentatively take action, adoring the taste of you in all its glory. 

He tongue swiped your bottom lip, loving the wet feeling and you opened right up for his taking, all-consuming and head-spinning. 

You snuck your hands up into his hair, tugging at the tresses lightly and Taehyung groaned satisfyingly into your mouth, revving your engine carnally. You became more impatient for friction, something to quell the continuous bouts of arousal shooting through your body, and so you began moving yourself over his welcoming crotch. You felt him twitch underneath you, beginning to rock himself along with your smaller body, pushing his hips up into you that yearned for more, yearned for more of him. 

Your mouths began moving more harshly the more time passed, full on making out as you moved more urgently against him, the hint of his length grazing you sensitized area lighting you on fire. He caught your bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled away from you, tugging on the flesh as he breathed for much needed air, moaning as your foreheads found each other. 

“Y/N.. do you want me to touch you?” He breathed hard, trying to compose himself before you chimed in, clasping the nape of his neck as you whispered into his ear.

“Touch me, Taehyung.” You breathed hotly. “I’m yours, aren’t I?” You catered to his tendency to be possessive, loving it yourself as you felt your veins buzz with electricity. 

Taehyung instantly felt ignited, his cock jolting at just the feeling of you straddling him and he dragged his tongue along the inside of his cheek, smirking. 

“Anything you want, Princess.” 

The heat of Taehyung’s stare then turned dark, smoothing his large palms over your thighs until he met the meat of your ass underneath your jacket, hands cupping around as he pushed you down right above his growing length. He wasted no time in colliding his lips with yours again, continuously moving you over himself in a grinding motion that had you reciprocating, moaning with him as arousal began dripping you both.

This time his tongue openly licked into your mouth and you let him in completely, darting your tongue out to tangle with his passionately. The kiss was growing sloppy, both of you getting high off practically dry humping each other, your hands mercilessly feeling up his taut chest as he moved a large palm behind your back, arching you into him. 

Taehyung then suddenly came off your lips and began kissing the side of your mouth, trailing down to your jaw while you reeled at the feeling of his searing lips against your skin. He laid hot kisses all the way down until he reached the junction of your neck, finding a sweet spot and began sucking at it with need, working his mouth against your soft skin to imprint you with his desire. 

His teeth occasionally grazed your skin, Taehyung licking over the bites for an apparent mark and the sound of your moan each time. He didn’t care who saw his dark hickeys, in fact, he wanted everyone to see. Especially men who can’t fucking understand you’re married. Taehyung didn’t know he could be so possessive, so adamant of something being his unless it came to you. 

For some odd, unknown reason, he found himself wanting you to him, wanted to be the only one who gets to have you; maybe it’s because he’s never felt this way before, or has never felt so emphatically about it. But it constantly ate at his brain, thinking of the men that got to kiss you just like this, got to have you sit on their lap just like this. 

And he fucking hated it. 

Hated that the one time you gave your heart to a man he treated you so horribly, hated that the same man was the reason you were so apprehensive when it even came to sex or anything alike, remembering the night your marriage was supposed to be consummated. 

But what he mostly hated was knowing you’re right in front of him while he craves you, right before his eyes and his wife in every sense of the word, though felt as though he could never truly have you, never truly within his grasp as your stranger of a husband, a physical boundary between you two he should never cross, and it was just sickening. 

Though now the line was crossed, and all Taehyung could feel in this moment was his sheer desire, his incessant, passionate desire for you and it was growing exponentially. That kiss from last week sent his mind spiraling, thinking he was absolutely stupid for having so boldly kissed you though kept remembering the way you teased his ability. The way you questioned his wanting to kiss you for more than just the farce you two were putting on, thinking you were so entirely wrong about it. 

He wanted to kiss you all the fucking time. 

So Taehyung channeled it into his work now, having been completely surprised by your bold act though giving in because it was you. He knew this was his indication things could be taken further with you, to another level he’d imagined on occasion and that was all now seemingly possible.

It’s what made Taehyung leave such dark marks, feeling you up all over your body and finally able to touch where he knows is simply beautiful. He knew your body was gorgeous, quite frankly all of you was. He’d seen it when you slept with him every night in just a cami and shorts, he’d seen it in the red dress that hugged your every curve and wanted to tear it off your body, and he’d seen it with your little shower mishap just earlier today. 

And it made his mind wander, wander dangerous places he didn’t think accessible. 

But here he was, you grinding against his clothed, semi-hard dick while he sucked hickeys onto your pretty neck in a fairly public place, and it alighted something he’d kept suppressed the entire time he’s known you. 

Taehyung was getting completely lost, almost animalistic in his kissing until you let out the prettiest moan he’s ever heard, his name at the end of it and he couldn’t help but grow fucking harder. 

“Taehyung.” You breathed out, his name seeming so natural to roll of your tongue, hugging his head into your neck and you couldn’t help but gush at the fact that his face was stuffed into you. You moaned again at the prospect, knowing you had Kim Taehyung’s lips sucking hickeys onto you and you were wetter than you should’ve been. 

“Taehyung.” 

“Fuck, don’t do that. It does shit to me, princess.” Taehyung breathed out frustrated, knowing you’d hit the nail right on the head when you’d teased him about having a name kink, because he most certainly did. 

You moaned again until you needed a break, winded when you suddenly grabbed his face off your neck and made him look into your eyes, his lips swollen pink from the kissing and it only made him appear more delectable. You couldn’t even think of anything to say, only gazed at him as he gazed at you, feeling mutually confused about what’s happening though loving it all the same. 

Taehyung couldn’t get over the way your eyes shone as they reflected the lights below, semi-wanting to have brought you here just to see the way your eyes would light up in the dark. He also couldn’t grasp how you seemed like the most innocent thing on Earth but could so boldly straddle and make out with him in this moment, losing his mind at the prospect there was still so much to you he had yet to discover. 

You began gliding your thumbs across Taehyung’s skin, finding him simply the most gorgeous human you’ve ever seen, the moonlight always finding a way to emphasize that fact.

You couldn’t think of anything to say right now, the sentimental moment lingering in a way you never really wanted to end. You didn’t want to ruin it with questions or statements that meant too much either, simply smiling at him as a settlement, eyes glistening in a way that conveyed how you felt instead. 

How despite your fear of heights there was a sense of security you felt in his arms, how he managed to always quell your troubles, the way he looked at you as though there’s something more behind his eyes, more than just the mystery he showed everyone else. 

So all you could do was bring his lips to yours for a sweet, delicate kiss. A kiss so slow it was searing, a kiss so tender it made him smile against your lips in a way that had your heart leaping hurdles. It was progressing again, both of groaning into the kiss until another announcement sounded initiating the continuation of the ride. 

You disconnected from him as the Ferris Wheel car began to move, quirking your eyebrow smugly as you swung your leg off to unstraddle him, plopping down beside him. 

“We should make things sexier like that.” You casually said, folding your arms and suddenly the height of the Ferris Wheel didn’t feel so scary, looking off at the attractions below you two. “You know, as more evidence.”

Taehyung was only left flabbergasted, having thought he should’ve cherished the moment more because one second you were in his lap, and now suddenly it was empty. He scoffed to himself as he looked down and realized you’d gotten him hard, abandoning him just on the cusp of finishing him off. 

Taehyung bit his lip as he peered down at you and caught sight of his purple marks on your delicate neck, completely turned on by the arousing contrast in ways that left him wanting more, responding to your earlier remark. 

“Yeah, we fucking should.” 

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a/n : funny tidbit if you want to know but the shower thing actually did happen to me LMAO, i’d gotten a new showerhead and when i was trying to figure out the settings i ended up turning on the strongest jet stream that hit my face so hard i got shampoo in my eyes, i literally had to fight the water to eventually turn it off and it hurt like a BITCH. i had no hero like tae but it was literally straight out of a cartoon, it was so fucking hilarious i just HAD to write it, and yes you’re allowed to think i’m a dumb bitch 😭

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