#not that you cant be religious and wonderful but like im personally not a god fearing individual

[seinfeldyke]

idk why i feel the need to say it but considering how much religious shit theres in my queue rn i just want to make it clear that im not religious. am i obsessed with catholism rn? yes but thats on my religious trauma and adhd.

yeah just want to avoid people feeling like my blog is a religious space in some way. i just love the parallels between jesus/judas and the lesbians on tv. thats all!!!!

[lightgreypurpleteal]

Like believing that all that suffering had to mean something or teach something. But it doesn't.

[kfruityouth]

elijah volkov is so interesting to me because like. i mean obviously there's the whole 'manipulative cult leader who tries to burn our mc on a pyre' shtick but like (until season 2 if he makes a comeback) we don't know what his whole deal is? like what the hell? i don't think he's a bad person. i don't think anyone in chnt is, i think the whole point is that the characters are flawed people with motives, ambitions, goals, and their own moral compass. obviously we can see those flaws more prominently in other characters (like for example jedidiah's treatment of sydney, the lack of communication there, and lucille's... lucille-ness) i do believe that he loved sydney, in his own fucked up way, and believed that burning him on the pyre would actually be 'good' in a way. i don't wanna go and immediately say it's some sort of delusion but it probably was that. like, i wonder if he's filled with the same religious fervour he imposes on others, because iirc in the episode where elijah and sydney have tea he says that the grandfather clock is the only 'safe' way he can view his reflection? which could imply if he looked in a mirror, or reflection in water or a window, he could. be. do. that? and also the whole. y'know. mirror thing in the last episode. but that wouldn't explain his obsession. but then again, maybe it's just that: an unhealthy obsession. back to his motives though, there's so much to take and run with, because, like, he stole from the kids at the camp for one. he refers to the things he took from the kids as 'tithes' which implies he sees himself as above them, which comes back to the whole cult leader thing. but then he just lets sydney take them back? so it was probably just to get his attention. god im overanalysing every little action man i cant believe its come to this i do understand the hate for him though. like the whole point is to hate him, right? cause he was 'toxic'? but by that logic we shouldn't like jedidiah, or even sydney, either, because they're both 'toxic' in their own rights.

but yeah i think he's a cool character. goofy as hell tho (i mean have you seen that drip?) and i hope we get to see him in season 2. anyways i actually have no idea if this makes any sense whatsoever lmk if it doesnt lol end ramble

[windypuddle]

enstars headcanons

ok im going in order but i dont have headcanons for a few characters for sure. so. whatever on we go . just saying in advance these are mostly gender and Autism

fine:

eichi tenshouin: look i cant say anythinf about this guy hes already canonically terminally ill and gay. like what do you want me to do

wataru hibiki: genderfluid. whatever gender fits the performance. shes the moment hes the star theyre the epitome of an actor

tori: boy you are so gnc. princess but not a girl you know

yuzuru: has definitely had impulse thoughts about dying his hair and having a scene phase at 3 am

trickstar

hokuto: bigender. sooooo queer . also autistic

mao: um ritsu braided his hair sometimes when they were younger

ryuseitai:

chiaki: trans guy i have many feelings about this but he leans into the hero thing because its gender affirming. also autism

kanata: no gender only blublublub. likes wearing long skirts. filipino. has like 1 million fish earrings. also autism

tetora: TRANSMASC ‼️💥💪

midori: transfem... also autistic.. she is so important

shinobu: Autism Autism Autism. bonus the detachment from gender that sometimes comes with the autism but he hasnt really thought about it. hes just some guy

alkaloid:

hiiro: transmasc autistic i will die on this hill

aira: my lovely mutuals have convinced me with blasian aira its canon to me now. white french? no. cowards happyele are cowards i tell you. theres such a vast portion of the francophone world that is not white . also transmasc

mayoi: scaredgirl weirdboy core. whatever gender is easier at the moment. she likes being pretty

tatsumi: ok yknow what. fuck it. aroace tatsumi

eden:

nagisa: so much autism. nonbinary guy. religious trauma

ibara: lesbian. not going to elaborate bc thats not my problem ibara is just a lesbian

hiyori: hes just gay idk what to tell you. cisboy gay who is so annoying. when people complain about "gay isn't a personality trait" theyre complaining about him. also chubby

jun: also gay but fans love him for being normal about it. one of his main motivations for working out is being able to princess carry hiyori. hes so polite usually its insane but with eden he doesnt care because he loves them so hes a bit of a bitch

valkyrie:

shu: god is a woman and her name is shu itsuki. transfem and autistic i will Also die on this hill.

mika: transmasc and autistic

2wink:

hinata: men liker but dont ask me about her gender idk

yuuta: i see those slipups in twin peaks girl u are transfem nonbinary i think

crazy:b:

rinne: bigender [wild cheering] also demi aka down bad for niki specifically

niki: tboy swag but hes not really bothered too much about medically transitioning. arospec i think

himeru: Sooooo nonbinary. so so so nonbinary. i like to hc afab nonbinary himeru and mainly got top surgery to more easily pass as kaname but like gahdamn of course you have blue hair and pronouns (they/it/no pronouns)

kohaku: tboy swag . the gender in crazy:b is off the charts

Undead:

rei: 1 million genderqueer and SO gay. has all the problems of an older sister but also the hotness that comes with issues u know.

kaoru: ok. bear with me. aussie. also transfem... like what do you mean you hate men and only hang out with girls. definitely arospec

koga: AUTISM!! weirdgirl to autism boy wonder transmasc swag pipeline

adonis: also autism. he can be gnc. as a treat

akatsuki:

keito: come on man we all know youre gay and insufferable about it

kuro: he should get to have piercings i think

souma: autism boy wonder. while you were busy learning social cues he was studying the blade. also applies to gender norms

ra*bits:

nazuna: boy there is something gender going on with you. weirdboy or maybe a gender cis people have never heard of.

tomoya: That Is The Normalest Girl I've Ever Seen

mitsuru: autism

hajime: girl what is your gender. hes like the narrator of the arch nemesis cynthia post. so poor they cant afford a gender

knights:

tsukasa: autistic and please please please let him be chubby. staring at happyele with my biggest saddest eyes Please let tsukasa be chubby. while you're at it can he wear a skirt. please

leo: ok i give a lot of characters autism because i have autism and i get it but i think leo has adhd

izumi: agender. any pronouns. idk what to tell you he said in next door that he doesnt care about gender only beauty

arashi: only normal one in knights. i love aranee she should get 1 million hours to stress bake if she wants to

ritsu: ah i understand why vampires are gay. occasionally a girl if its funny

switch:

natsume: Diversity win!! the angry witch is transmasc!!! neurodivergent but i think its funnier if i dont specify.

tsumugi: new gender unlocked its pathetic wifeguy. hes every spirit in the fields of punishment and he does it willingly for natsume

sora: wahoo autism ^_^ yippee!!

madara: is cowboy a gender?

feel free to reblog and throw in ur own headcanons i love hearing other fans hcs it is so awesome!!

[ukusreticence]

i told myself to keep myself from ranting about my characters on here, but my brain has decided that this is my sketch and oc blog and i do not care anymore. i am LORE DROPPING EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT PROCESS AND I DO NOT CARE. at the very least its helping me gather my thoughts more by spewing it all out since i dont know how to simply write without some kinda art to accompany it so i have a topic in mind or something. thought process rant under cut, TLDR; side b is a damn mess of a character and such a fun concept to play with that i legit cannot decide on one concept for them

(quick warning, all mentions of "God" are in reference to hazbin hotel and hold no religious significance) personality wise/concept wise, i change side b a LOT, especially in RPs with character ais, which is how i kinda bounce ideas around and develop a solid concept of em. they can range from being an absolutely anxious mess, incredibly friendly and sweet (default), emotionless and empty and a buncha other stuff. Situation stuff wise also varies a lot, like the angel of equilibrium idea is what i consider their "official" story when i actually wrote the massive log of text for side B but like,, Side B has so many fun ideas to play with that it legit just depends on what im in the mood for at this point. like LOGICALLY speaking, if i wanted to put them in a universe with minimal to no interference (what i had in mind when making that lore post), then them simply being a complete bystander character who only observes and seeks understanding of every single damn action and thing is the good idea. they're social and still happy with no risk of collapse is the way i worded it.

however other concepts i've played with is them being solely confined to the void for "research" or "guarding" it with close to no visits to heaven (i actually have a traditional art comic of this one because i wanted to make cosmos and equilibrium like parallels of each other in a way, they still are parallels just not as obvious anymore) along with just ideas of simply being understanding but having to be under constant watch, being less friendly and more confined which would result in a more closed off variant of them.

i LOVE traumatizing my characters and in most situations it's either pre collapse with them being close to collapsing or post collapse side b. By collapse, i mean them being so dang stressed/confined/forced to stick to their current body with no reprieve that they literally physically cannot keep up their angelic disguise.

but like, another fun concept is that since creation they were either forced into an angelic disguise and taught/raised that's the "proper" way to be (lots of trauma involving appearance without knowing why, just general body dysmorphia), or the more fun variant is God deciding to keep this eldritch abomination in line by showing them all of his wonderful and fun and beautiful creations to the point side b gets attached, then proceeding to just casually drop the info that Dirk has the potential to destroy all of it. if you cant tell that last variant makes Side B DEEPLY afraid of themselves along with the normal body hatred thing. Alternatively, they immediately become a completely emotionless shell in hopes of not hurting anyone by becoming too emotional and losing form. But hey, if it works then it works.

Now on the topic of why would God keep an eldritch abomination that could potentially threaten all of reality, my brain tells me its because God hates erasing any of his creations if possible but talking with character ai, it actually came up with the idea that God somehow messed up SO BAD trying to recreate himself out of the literal embodiment of nothing that side b is literally bound to the void and if you erase side b, then the entire void goes with em. Which is so funny to me that i like the idea a lot and might have it only for self indulgence stuff and not placing em in other people's universes. Also my brain interprets the void as like, this whole thing that i might draw a comic of side b explaining since it is their domain. basically its just the start of everything.

rn im kinda like, combining a little of everything to make something im happy with. like,, Cosmos already has a pretty good idea and i ADORE how his personality is right now, but like Void?? damn there's SO MANY fun ideas and concepts i love to do with them that it's hard to settle on one. Side A is something i'm slowly building more and more on but Side B? HO BOY, i have not even settled on a SINGLE ONE.

most i know for certain is that i really do like side b being an absolutely cuddly and affectionate person. emotionless stuff is fun to mess around with once and awhile but overall i like my goob being sweet and loved by everyone. it'll make people seeing them as a monster hit harder too :}

[selamat-linting]

my parents aren't exactly fundamentalist people, but the day to day of living in a culture with a strong eschatological belief was enough to be traumatizing, no matter what religion it is. and im sure this is not just me, most people are just too afraid to even acknowledge how it fucks with them.

take a typical nature phenomenon, like eclipses, stars, black holes, sandstorms, weird animals, or rivers gone red from algae. this thing should have inspired curiosity right? well, in my country, all of the news articles and science videos regarding the subject is filled with people proselytizing, warning others its a sign of the apocalypse. worse when its a disaster like floods or tsunami or heatwaves or even extinction from poaching and environmental destruction. i've had people saying brazenly that climate change isn't man-made but god's punishment because the apocalypse / rapture is coming soon and we have too many LGBT people existing so of course trying to stop it would be a waste of effort, so just pray and prepare for akhirah and abuse others into falling in line.

the media does not help either. they made cheap infographic shows that are literally just about scaring people about the end of the world. a baby born with a life-threatening disability gets turn into shock fodder for tv because its born with one eye on its forehead. thats evil. do they even think of the effect it will cause for disabled people? of course they dont, in their mind theyre doing good because theyre reminding people that the apocalypse is coming soon and they should repent. i wonder, if someone from 2012 see a one-eyed child, would that kid be safe?

and in terms of personal experience, its horrifying to hear adults say, "yeah dajjal (the anti christ) will show up in your lifetime so you'll see the end of the world" and think that your parents didn't care enough to even think of the implication of bringing you to this world when its so corrupt and rotten. especially when you grow up knowing something is wrong and different with you.

and its not just that. its the end of the world, of course people would constantly talk about it in hushed tones. i've seen predictions shared in facebook or whatsapp groups, talked by kids and adults in sermons and hearsays. it turns people hostile to others with a different religion, or at best, they learn to be apathetic or detach their inherent empathy to other people because they have a different religion so theyre going to hell for eternity. so why fucking bother being tolerant or befriending them? you dont want to commit a grave sin since you wished a non-muslim to go to heaven for their good deeds right?

and when i was a kid, my friends would all have this strategy to prepare for judgement day. creating a culture where kids make up survival scenarios to prevent eternal, senseless torture is bad. and hypocritical when you keep saying god's love and care are boundless and unconditional.

my dad and every preacher i know always say to not be afraid of death, its something to look forward to, because you'll meet god, but you cant kill yourself and you must make sure even if its a natural death you live in the right way so you dont go to hell and be tortured for eternity. i agree death shouldnt be feared, but none of these people are truly unafraid of death. they shaped their entire life to make sure their death is the right one, and they force others to have belief out of a misguided sense of love.

i had an uncle who went far into this religious group, and even if the practices are completely identical to mainstream sunni islam, the man stopped providing for his wife and just pray and pray without doing anything else. believing god would simply take care of everything and even if he didn't, the apocalypse is coming soon! becoming too successful will just distract you from akhirah anyway.

its disgusting. i dont care what any religious/spiritual people on this site says. religion never gave people a sense of gratefulness or wonder or fulfillment. it turn them into incurious, selfish, frightened fucks that are too helpless to even fight for themselves and their home because the world is ending and its an inevitability so why bother? but thats the best case scenario. at worst, the eschatological sentiment turn people raging bigots abusing others so they'd convert or fall in line with cisheteropatriarchy and blame every tragedy to powerless minorities instead of the people in power.

i might have some faith left in me, but i would still advocate for state atheism. because its obvious every dominant religion will be used as a tool for terror and submission.

[bi-as-in-bi-bitch]

hello! how did you know you were bi?

the way I reacted whenever asami sato came on screen was in no way normal enough for me to be straight

nah but seriously:

wow, i have not thought about that in years... its actually pretty hard to pinpoint exactly when, but ill try to go over the main points:

i realized i liked girls in seventh grade, in the middle of a private religious school, while i was thinking about how pretty jenna coleman was in doctor who.

i wa sitting next to my extremely conservative best friend. and i immediately panicked and said to myself "no, we're not doing this."

i repressed myself for a while, kept saying to myself that i liked guys, only guys. i had major crushes on danny phantom and my 6th grade math teacher and this bollywood actor (hrithik roshan in dhoom again)

so i said to myself that i couldnt possibly be gay, i liked guys!

but girls were so freaking pretty. why did my heart race when a cute girl smiled at me? why was i so scared around the girl i really really wanted to be friends with? why couldnt i stop staring at my geography teacher like that?

i honest to god thought i was lying for attention. idk whose attention, its not like i told anyone i was having these feelings.

i kept it so so repressed and convinced myself i was lying to myself.

then i went to high school and met people that were pan, bi, gay. i made an instagram, a tumblr, a wattpad account for my doctor who fics, and i started to learn this whole new vocabulary on how to describe sexuality and gender preferences and whatnot.

i finally came to the realization that i am not gay, i am not straight: i'm bisexual. guys are cute. girls are cute. liking one does not diminish how much i like the other.

i was so happy to have a way to describe myself. but at the same time, i went through a phase of hating myself for liking girls. i felt like i was a weirdo when i took notice of a cute girl. it took me a while to get over it and start accepting that what i am and how i feel is not wrong, im not hurting anyone by having these feelings.

i accepted that i was bisexual when i was 15 years old.

i started coming out to my friends around tenth grade. i remember i was so nervous and my hands were clammy. i said i was bi, and they laughed and patted me on the back. i went on a walk with my best friend and she noticed the pride bracelet i had on, and asked me about it. i remember being so scared when i muttered 'i'm bisexual,' and she immediately got the biggest grin on her face and punched me in the arm (shes not good at physical affection), and told me she was so proud of me and happy that i felt safe enough to come out to her.

coming out to people at my age isnt as big as a deal to me anymore - i go to an arts college, literally every other person is some flavour of queer - but when i was growing up i didn't know that it was something that existed.

im proud of my identity and i wish i could share it with the world. i wanna hang bi flags in my room and wear pins that say 'i'm bi' on them and wear cuffed jeans and flannel shirts and carry a big sword (HUGE part of being bi). but i live in a conservative family, and ik that the older generation (my parents and their siblings) are never gonna understand me, so i cant be fully out, but that doesnt mean i cant be proud. i have stealth bi pins. i made a painting with predominantly pink, blue, and purple colours, and hung it up in my room. i own two plastic swords.

i made this sideblog mainly to rb posts that i wanted to find later, but i wanted to have something with my name on it where i could be blatant about the fact that i find men and women so goddamn attractive. hence, 'bi as in bi bitch' was made.

i wonder if this was helpful at all? i kind of went on a ramble there. is there anything you want me to elaborate on?

[larnax]

ok so i know i wrote the other post about rewriting throné's story and i put a crossed paths between her and osvald in it but im gonna be real i literally wrote that in 5min and am no longer happy with it so heres a version of it that incorporates the cloudy mirror. if i was gonna do this i would also definitely have to rewrite tem/now partitio's crossed paths if i did this but thats another post

Throné and osvald come across a washed-up corpse on the shore of the brightlands clutching a strange locked box. Throné recovers the box but cant get the lock open, osvald finds it strangely familiar and they agree to work together on trying to find out what it contains. After scrutinizing some townspeople osvald discovers that a scholar recently disappeared who he identifies as an old friend of his who was obsessed with religious relics and remembers that the seal on it means it has something to do with vitalists, a religious sect who believe that vide and aelfric are actually twin gods and that the church of the sacred flame has tried to depose vide in whats essentially a biblical succession battle, but that the scholar would have been the only person who really had the resources or motivation to learn anything else and any information would be in their workshop in montwise. Throné says she honestly cannot tell if theyve gotten their hands on something very valuable or complete junk. Osvald says that’s most of what being a scholar is, and throné jokes that actually being a thief isn’t too different

they arrive in montwise and osvald finds the scholars hidden workshop has been ransacked. They deduce that this happened within a few hours and decide to try and find the culprit. Throné recognizes a blacksnake and is immediately like. Oh… This idiot. She reveals it’s scaracci, a blacksnake who is both lazy and incompetent but treasured by Mother for being so mindlessly loyal that he’ll do literally any job, although he might not… yknow… succeedat it. scaracci is pissed and reveals that he did successfully recover what mother asked him to steal even if he did kinda sorta mess up a little on the job in new delsta, osvald mugs him and recovers the key to the box, which turns out to contain a strange, cloudy mirror. Throné wonders why the hell a blacksnake was tasked with retrieving this and assassinating a weird religious scholar, leading osvald to ask if the blacksnakes have any religious investments she knows of. Throné says that Mothers orphanage is actually officially associated with the Sacred Flame and staffed by nuns(one assumes they’re Just registered as an orphanage and the “running a school for your indentured thief-child-gang” is unofficial), but thieves generally only worship the one god. Osvald is like hmm. You know, my scholar associate was always very interested by aeber, especially the theory that he was originally the god of kindness who was demoted for insisting on sympathizing with and helping criminals condemned by the church. Throné is like ah, like you and i. osvald pauses and then is like…. Yes. Like you and i.

Alternatively if you want to have her already have realized the blacksnakes are connected to vide since it could be completed after her chapter 5, you could have her say that and simply speculate about how the blacksnakes meant to use the mirror, I just think it’s lame to have throné be connected to a completely different god than her patron and not do Anything with that, so he at least gets a mention and also this allows that thing where osvald and throné are both criminals against their will to also be at least said once

how they meant to use the mirror is that ori hired them. Her investigations led her to figuring out that the mirror can be used to change flames of vide to flames of aelfric and vice versa so she wanted it out of the picture completely lest some travelers hypothetically use it to undo a century’s worth of work in about an hour. Hypothetically.

She found this out from harvey which preserves their working relationship and allows the structure of the leadup to their torch to be mostly the same.

[clarabowmp3]

13 fave tracks from TTPD and TTPDTA this hour?

WOOOOO finally formed coherent enough opinions heheh but my top tracks are: (tw 'trauma' dumping, yapping)

HOW DID IT END!!!!!!!!!!! it is genuinely so sad. i so so relate to her subtly sarcastic/bitter tone (come one come all its happening again) and although this track is slightly different from her usual style it has all the bits i love abt her music - simplicity, quiet devestation, layered emotions, intentional lyrics

the black dog - OMGGG never EVER getting over the adrenaline rush of "SCREEEEEAMING" if u couldnt tell im a pretty dramatic and stubborn person LOL and there was this one toxic friendship i clung onto until my fingernails were bloody cuz i was 15 and didnt think i had any other choice (very 'as she was leaving it felt like breathing' vibes) and i think part of why i didnt want to break things off was cuz of how much it hurt me to think of her replacing me with someone who could be a better friend than me + it was familiar like a bad habit

the prophecy - my sister walked in on me tearing up when i first listened to it properly HAHAH stylistically speaking its a very fluid (?) sounding song with a smooth/satisfying rhythm (written/bitten, I like the rhyming) and compelling fantasy/religious imagery but what appealed to me most was the RAWNESS OF THE CHORUS and listen i know everyone hates on the 'dont want money' line but I RELATE SO MUCH TO IT OKAY i cant count the number of times ive distracted myself from my loneliness with my studies/work and tried to convince myself that this is what I want, and as much as i appreciated my perfect grades god was i fucking lonely. so many times i wondered if it was all worth it, and after not having any close irl friends to show for the past 18 years it starts to feel like this is of my own doing/i am fated to be forever lonely. so back to the song - it just hits me rlly hard that YES. DONT WANT MONEY. JUST SOMEONE WHO WANTS MY COMPANY.

loml - ironically i find the change from love to loss the least interesting part AHAHAH i like that this is one of the less wordier songs such that nearly every lyric packs a hell of a punch, none of them are awkward, and she does the delicate shift in the connotations of her lyrics SO so well you can feel her misery and yearning so perfectly. i talk more abt this here

clara bow

peter

I look in people's windows

so long london

florida!!!

who's afraid of little old me

the smallest man who ever lived

the bolter

fortnight

Special shoutout to I Can Do It With a Broken Heart cuz that song was ME for the prime of my student career and rip to the swifties who cant relate /j but i both cried a lot AND was so productive

[mbat]

ok im gonna be a little critical of religion here so if you dont like that dont read. also im pulling this from the weirdest of places but

earlier i watched a video that was talking a lot about christianity, specifically protestantism and its influences on american culture, how theres this whole thing about how everything you do should only be for god, not your own pleasure or any of that (extreme simplification and paraphrasing), and so all of that was still on my mind basically.

and now im rewatching the steven universe movie. hear me out, we already know the diamonds hold deep authority, theyre practically gods of their kind, i dont think that i need to explain why. and they definitely let that get to their heads, they treated their subjects like things that only existed to serve them and their wants and needs, and their subjects needed to be loyal or else.

and im not going to get into all the ways that could reflect my point, but im just thinking about how spinels story reflects my point.

she was in love with pink diamond, not romantically, but in the way one worships, because she was made to. everything was for pink, about pink, she was excited when pink got what she wanted (her colony) even when pink clearly didnt want her to be a part of it, she would do everything pink wanted of her.

even standing in place unquestioningly for several thousand years, waiting, not moving even when she questioned because surely pink would come back for her?

(but when the rug was pulled out from under her it changed her irreparably.)

and i guess my point is how people will do anything that they think that their god wants, even if it causes them the utmost misery, even when it ruins their whole life, all for that approval, the possibility of a reward. the only difference is that spinel at least knew pink was real, had felt her touch, spoken to her.

theres a lot of reasons im not religious, but that one is a big one that i just cant get over. i cant imagine spending every day of my life wondering if im doing right by someone ive never met, who i have no proof exists, and whos rules arent even agreed upon and only told to me by other humans.

i cant imagine being the person who is told to stand in place for 6,000 years, and i dont move an inch because im hoping for a reward that isnt guaranteed to ever come.

[punkbxt]

Any thoughts on Captain Sisko?

BEST CAPTAIN PERIOD. imo hes one of the most if not THE most dimensional captain. like god how do i put this into words. hes just so hhhh so good but hes not perfect. hes done things that would deffo get him a frown from other captains but he does it because its what he has to do. he isnt on some holier than thou pedestal and he actually does his fucking job instead of hanging out on the “bridge” (i know its different on ds9)

he loves kids and his relationship with jake is the best father son relationship in all of star trek. he shows jake he loves him. he loves sharing his native food with people he cares about. he just hes so fantastic. he cares so much about to people he works with and they all care about him too!!! rhe episode where jake tries to set him up with kassidy and everyone eventually finds out and is rooting for him??? TOP TIER. you know he has a wonderful relationship with these ppl if theyre trying to set him up with a nice lady. not to mention jake was the one doing it too like he was ready and he knew with a lil work that sisko could be ready too to begin a romantic relationship with someone

he treats the people he works with with respect and just has such a good relationship with kira. like he knows starfleet put him on this station because they wanted ‘one of their own’ to be in charge and instead of just stepping all over kira’s terf he compromises with her and they figure shit out and become good friends

he gets thrust this responsibility of being the emmissary and although he doesnt want it and he not once looks down upon bajorans for their religious beliefs. i could talk about this for like forever but id deffo have to do some rewatching of episodes bc my memory sucks ass lmfao

AND HONESTLY??? hes the funniest captain out of all of them. like cmon making quark kiss the scepter??? funniest fucking power trip but in a good way. he speaks his mind and if he doesnt like something he says so “that is the ugliest hat” (i cant remember if thats what he says exactly but yall know what im talking about)

idk man i just in MY personal opinion think hes a lot more relatable than the other captains and thats what makes him the best. also there is just so much more stuff that is great about him but ill leave it at this lol

[marshmallowprotection]

KAITKAITKAIT RGE NEW CHAPTER?? HELLO? I AM FLOORED JGSJAVSHSH---

i reread it like three times , LOT HAS HAPPENED😭😭

reading saeran's thoughts about being the "failed" angel was heart wrenching- especially the part where he thinks that perhaps saeyoung was the purified angel while he just existed out of a mistake and how emotionally isolated(?) he is by other angels just cuz he isnt capable of doing things a normal angel would just AGHDHGS I KOVE THE DETAILS YOU PUT IN YOUR STORY😭💞

and and the plot twist-- KAIT I AM FLOORED--- i remember u said smth like "im excited for the new au that im releasing but im not sure if saeyoung and saeran are ready for that" (i think thats in February?) and i can see WHY 💀😭

He would bring you Gardenia to liven your room and say that it was from someone who admired you secretly.

^^^my favourite line thats part was so cute saeran you absolute cutie of an angel agh 💞💖💗

HAPPY to see polaris calling out on saejoongs bllshit as always, fresh feathers" out here cancelling God as they should ANDAND that price for failure is sheeskgd im scared? but obv im intrigued 😳

i also like like your take around "god made u suffer to get you stronger" and "proving your life should be meaningful in order to live" like YES fr i dislike when thtis is prob the first thing most ppl hear when theyre having a hard time and im guilty of saying that as well in my early years but luckily i realize they r far more better words than those to console other ppl-😔im glad polaris verbalize it well but ofc saejoong's brain probably cant comprehend that level of emotional intelligence-

I'm happy you enjoyed the chapter! It was a 11K, so I imagine that getting all that content at once was overwhelming!

Saeran is a cutiepie in this story. This is a GE Saeran situation where he's got his red hair and gold eyes, so you know he's going to be very sweet to you but also quite the tease. He's known to poke fun at you to make you smile, but he's always sincere about it. He noticed that you, the Reader, liked the Gardenias, so he knew that he needed to bring you some to make your room feel home-y. Count on him to do what's right.

I knew the plot twist was going to get my Readers! I'm chuckling about it, honestly. I've had some feedback from readers who didn't think this was coming but I always add little hints that you have to look out for. Saeran and Saeyoung definitely weren't ready for this, and they aren't ready for what's coming next... neither are Polaris or Gardenia for that matter. Watch out, Readers.

Polaris is a headstrong Reader. They've got an attitude. They believe in good and being lawful, but that doesn't mean they're not prepared to say what needs to be said. They believe in their convictions, and I am sure that many people can relate to that. You want your voice to be heard! But, God heard Polaris clearly today... they made a deal for this fact, but I hope you keep an eye out for where the bet will go. I can't say how the bet with God will go... even Polaris isn't sure where it's going.

I wonder if they'll tell Luciel about the deal.

I think the one thing about this fic that personally rings home to me is that it gives me an outlet for my religious trauma. I wasn't raised in a church or anything, they simply assumed that I would believe in the Christian God without having any context or understanding. So, I've had a really detached perspective from the start. I've got a lot of not-so-great experiences beyond that that I won't get into because of the violent homophobia that people spout.

But, I think what burns me at my core the most is when people say those things. You aren't "learning through suffering". You don't have to pull yourself up in the midst of the worst suffering you've ever had in your life because God just decided you needed to suffer to learn something. You are already strong. You've survived Hell and there's no karmic reason for it. Sometimes bad things happen, and it just fucking sucks, but God didn't cause that and you survived that by your hands. Be proud of yourself for holding your head up, and know that it's not because some God decided to make you suffer.

Trust me, I'm disabled and I've had many people tell me such tone-deaf comments thinking that they were being sympathetic to my condition through their faith. I don't appreciate someone telling me that I suffered because God decided that I had a lesson to learn or that this happened because God knew I could "handle it". I don't mind if someone offers to pray for me, but it's overstepping when you've got people making comments that burn your ass.

You don't suffer because some cosmic being made it happen. It just happens, and there's no reason why. Bad things happen to good people and to bad people, there's no pattern or reason. You'll notice this pattern through the story with Gardenia and Saeran, honestly. Gardenia is a human that still struggles with their health now and again, and Saeran is an angel with his own disabilities.

Your life is meaningful already.

You don't need to move mountains.

Be yourself. That's all you need.

[karamazovdmitri]

What Russian movies would you recommend?

oh my god where to even start!! i really love soviet cinema so this is most of what i will suggest probably (im kind of meh on most recent mainstream russian cinema, even tho it has great pieces of guilty pleasure movies lmao) alright so settle in well okay lets start with the classics: andrei tarkovsky is my favorite filmmaker, literally anything and everything by him (just dont watch nostalghia first, but i highly recommend the mirror, stalker, solaris if you like SF, or hell even andrei rublev if thats your jam bc personally it is and i LOVED), very contemplative and slow movies though, like. you will need patience to get through his stuff, but personally i always say it feels like someone recorded a dream and you're watching that. it feels really oniric and its like you dont exactly grasp it all and when you try to explain it you cant really but good god its good

then! i will recommend one of my all-time favorite movies, and i mean it, of ALL times, the ascent by larisa shepitko. its about two soldiers during wwii who are sent off to find food, and its one of those war movies that arent really war movies you know but they are about it, and moreso, they're about like Humanity™? anyway one of the most haunting, beautiful and devastating movies i've seen ever. just beautiful in the cinematography, in the acting, in just everything honestly, its raw and profoundly human and also if youre like me and youre all about that religious symbolism? youre in for a... sad sad treat, but a treat nonetheless. it really like. got me deep like i didnt know what to do with myself after watching it but its a masterpiece 10000% (also while im there... also watch larisa sheptiko's other movie, wings)

now another classic is of course the cranes are flying, everyone knows but i need to reiterate it really lives up to the hype... just. some of the most beautiful cinnamon tography ive seen ever. like ill be honest even if i love cinematography in general i rarely go look up a cinematographer specifically but for this movie i HAD to bc some camera shots are INSANE. just one of the most gorgeous movies ive seen ever

if we're still going about aesthetic bc why not... if you liked hamlet by shakespeare, you HAVE to see the 1964 Hamlet movie its sooo gorgeous and such a good adaptation in my opinion like i just think this movie understands EVERYTHING about the essence of the play

now the next one i wouldnt necessarily put on the same scale as the others but good god is it a good watch, and its ballad of a soldier yes its another classic idc the soviet classics arent classics for nothing. this one is a really nice watch. just felt..... really nice and once again war movie thats not really showing you the war itself, i dig this hardcore

okay also ! not soviet lmfao but HUGE mention to alexander sokurov, you probably know of russian ark, if you dont, its not only a fucking prowess of cinematography, its basically one single continous shot for the entire movie and not like. a fake one like 1917 -tho dont get me wrong, loved what 1917 did-, like its deadass. press record, do the entire fucking movie, press stop. its INSANE and its BEAUTIFUL and im in love with sokurov's style, not as well known but i also loved francofonia, tho its a lot more experimental imo and is more documentary than movie, but also not documentary per se, i guess an essay of sorts, kind of confusing but i enjoyed it

i could not do this without of course mentioning one of my comfort movies™, which is я шагаю по мосве (translated as different things, like walking the streets of moscow or i walk around moscow) just a short and really sweet and light movie about . life i guess. LMAO its vague but theres really no real plot in there just a good time and very genuine and also has one of my favorite final scenes ever quick special mentions: courier, which was not my favorite but a really good movie still and it gets me bc its 1980s russia aka my jam, crime and punishment 1970 IF youve read C&P bc umm its an entire vibe, and remember when i said modern russian cinema guilty pleasure? okay well i rewatched движение вверх recently and like. it still slaps. if youre wondering (???) i need you to know i havent watched a zvyaginstev movie since i was like 16 so i dont have a concrete opinion on his stuff lmao)

sorry i wrote like SO fucking much but jaksfbajfbajsfh i hope this can provide you with some stuff of interests and btw a lot of these movies can be found with russian film hub, which basically like searches youtube and whatnot for you since mosfilm are actually pretty cool and do put their movies online

[horde-princess]

this is kinda personal but like

i CANT stop thinking about how noelle draws self portraits with a hole in her body... it was the very first comic in the memoir so right away she establishes this imagery as something related to her spirituality

and it comes back again and again, associated with a lot of different moments of growth and pain. particularly interesting is how she’ll draw fire (somewhat symbolic of bipolar disorder) coming from the hole—idk if she was suggesting that religious trauma triggered the symptoms exactly but at least that it exacerbated them to an oppressive level

but this is the comic that really gets to me. she’s talking to her younger self, it’s towards the end of the book after describing all the growth shes experienced over the past few years and its the last major appearance of this imagery

i know i talk about “religious trauma” all the time but i used to have a hard time taking it seriously / really thinking of it as TRAUMA because idk i was raised to believe people who chose to leave christianity were just sinners. so they deserved to be unhappy. of course they’re unhappy because

growing up in church = youre CONDITIONED to believe that everyone has a god-shaped hole in their chest and no empty “earthly pleasure” could ever satisfy it. you’re conditioned to constantly every hour of the day be thinking about mortality and the afterlife, and the meaning of life, and you become convinced you know all the answers, and you build. your. entire. existence. around. that. (no wonder religion is so intoxicating)

so when you finally decide to leave a religion you were raised in it really does feel like this!! like you’re walking around with a hole in your chest. even after noelle spent almost a decade figuring out how to go through life without religion, she draws this comic thats just like “i dont know if this empty void inside me will ever go away. ive learned to live with it, though, and to redefine what love and happiness mean to me, and i think, maybe, that can be enough.”

and thats honestly so healing to me like.. just seeing someone say thats valid, that the wounds from that kind of indoctrination are deep and fundamental to your humanity and, you know, maybe you’re hoping time will eventually heal them, but you’re not sure, and its hard to see an ending... but whether or not they heal completely one day you will keep going, you will learn for the first time how to find beauty in this world, and youll find reasons to live, and you’ll be ok. 

just seeing someone take it seriously for once instead of being like “FUCK religion man” or “you can be gay and christian!” like... theres a grey middle area you can exist in thats hard to explain and people often trivialize it but. i love how noelle expresses it. it really is a hole in you that you just kinda learn to live with. ALSO this is a huge part of adoras story!!!!! redefining her own reasons for existing. which is why i relate to her so much and ill defend the writing of her character with my dying breath lkdfj

but yeah i dont feel weird about acknowledging i have “religious trauma” anymore. like ive realized its actually a very real thing that affects peoples mental health .. thats a baby step i guess haha. but she-ra has been a big part of it recently and im forever thankful.

anyway WHEN is noelle gonna drop this secret subscription service to her personal comics 😭😭 sir we are WAITINGGG

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

��nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 19

it’s 2021 now!! time for more transformers 

we start off w/a flashback showing tyrest retrieving ultra magnus’s body from the ship - and we get a look at magnus’s spark, which is the green color of a 0.1%er [eyes emoji]

tyrest punching magnus..... grrrrr leave my dad alone bastard man

‘the divided self’ what a good title 

rodimus is like listen man this is a lot for my poor thot brain to take in

in flashback land, we see tyrest immediately launch into a crazy person spiel about how he can and will edit the law as he sees fit to conform to the situation, because that doesn't seem like a blatant abuse of power or a huge conflict of interest or anything 

oooh the screen in the corner that says ‘thought warfare,’ I see that

oof, poor magnus. its gotta be rough to hear your boss rant about how bad at your job you are....especially bc this is right after overlord called magnus a joke and nearly killed him

its especially brutal bc as magnus says, his job is his life 

augh, I love the panel where the armor is falling off around minimus, and then the one where he’s holding the ultra magnus head...poetic 

its fascinating that there was an ‘original’ magnus who was an actual guy, and then tyrest chose to make him into this legacy symbol - I'm assuming the OG magnus had no say in this, and probably didn't even know that he was gonna become this lawman legacy figure

I do wanna know though - obviously everyone thought that ultra magnus was one dude, but how did the different guys wearing the armor deal w/that? like, did minimus have people coming up to him like ‘hey ultra magnus old buddy! remember when we fought those guys in that one place? good times!’ like, do they have to study up on the lives of the past armor wearers to prepare for the role of ultra magnus?

augh poor minimus, of course he’s been wondering about what happened with overlord after he was KO’d

oof, drift...I feel like minimus looks surprised and a little skeptical at the idea that drift was the one behind the entire overlord thing - which is interesting bc as we saw at the beginning of the story, he doesn't exactly trust drift, but it’s still pretty far-fetched that one person orchestrated the entire thing

tailgate :(

the concept of a load-bearer is SUPER cool, I love it so much

it also puts a much-needed limit on things - as in, there IS a limit to how much weight/mass a normal cybertronian frame can carry, which is why you don't see everybody upgrading to be Massive - bc they actually CANT

oof, the worst part is that tyrest is RIGHT, minimus essentially DID have a nervous breakdown after the war ended bc of the rigid way he views the world

mental health support is clearly in shambles for cybertronians, yikes. they literally have 1 therapist for their entire race, and he’s not even licensed anymore due to hipaa violations. what a mess

the ‘attention deflectors’ thing is so cool and clever and also a great explanation as to why ratchet or anyone else never said ‘hey wait a minute, you're actually a much smaller dude in a trench coat’ 

I love tailgate knowing all the stuff about the autobot code bc of magnus...my BOY

and THATS why minimus was asking about skids specifically earlier!

oh minimus, please don't put so much stock in tyrest being stable and resonable...

aaaand there's skids and swerve! brainstorm says it best - ‘because something unexpected hasn't happened for at least nine seconds.’ lmao ily brainstorm 

finally checking in w/whirl and cyclonus - god I love that. whirl asking cyclonus how many cons he killed and cyc is like psh I wasn't keeping count....................ok it was six

hhhhh cyclonus IS looking for a cure for tailgate, even though he told tg that there wasn’t anything to hope for....excuse me as I go be emo 

and now we flash over to the unethical medical conduct hell zone, where pharma is being weird and horny and ratchet is appropriately horrified 

I seriously love how unhinged pharma looks, the art & colors do such a good job conveying his feral energy 

ratchet has some massive dick energy for taunting pharma when he’s currently just a head and pharma has dual chainsaws for hands 

ugh, I love whirls speech about anger...and I feel like he really does see cyclonus as a peer, despite cyclonus wanting to kill him, which is why he tells cyclonus all of this 

I fuckgin love that cyclonus’s reaction to very suddenly getting stabbed thru the abdomen is to just glance down at the sword, looking mildly inconvenienced 

back over to ratchet - and at first its like oh wow I can’t believe pharma was stupid enough to let ratchet goad him into this contest....but then you see first aid and ambulon and its like UH OH this is gonna be BAD

the idea that getting sliced in half is no big deal for a cybertronian is wild

‘you're gonna let doctor djd cut us in half?’ yeahhhh that's an appropriate reaction, yikes

FUCKING LENGTHWAYS GOD

pharma you piece of shit

poor ambulon :( :( :( that's fucking brutal. amazing panel but....jesus

and like, to further my point from last issue’s liveblog - the fact that this very gore-y panel is okay, but swearing isn't...that's really funny honestly. I guess robo-gore is acceptable, while I'm guessing regular ole run of the mill human gore wouldn't be

then back to cyclonus, who is still looking only vaguely put out by the sword stuck right thru him

and then cyclonus just pulls it right out, which is a very bad idea for humans but probably not as big of a deal for big near-immortal alien robots

circle of light stuck in capitalistic urban hellscape cubicals 

poor skids, being asked to stand trial while having no idea what his crime is due to Big Amnesia 

OH SHITTTT I totally forgot that getaway shows up here

that is super clever though, with chromedome confusing the name ‘getaway’ with the concept ‘needing to escape’

cant believe tyrest is really dumb enough to tell minimus all his evil plans

BUT that means its time for some very important forged vs constructed cold lore

jro spelling ‘program’ as ‘programme’ made me remember when he said that he considers everyone on the lost light to be british, which is perhaps the least valid thing he’s ever said vhbghjsdbfjkhasbjk

the idea that they used the matrix - which is portrayed as kind of a holy object - in reproductive experiments is really interesting

AUGHHHHH this is all so good and interesting...im really fascinated w/this particular brand of like, alien robot racism/constructism/whatever you wanna call it - I feel like it does such a good job as a plot device, where many other ‘fantasy racism’ concepts from other franchises fail, bc there's not really a ‘human metaphor’ being used here (as far as I know/can tell) - as in, this isn't a thinly veiled metaphor for something that happened/could happen in human history

in fact, this type of bigotry (or w/e you wanna call it) isn't something that is even really possible in humans - I guess if there was a stigma against being born via ivf or something...? but there isn't, so there's no obvious real-world equivalent, which I take as a sign of good writing and worldbuilding - it makes the cybertronians feel more Real, bc of course they would have their own types of bigotry based off of completely different things than humans 

additionally - and this is crucial - tyrest is wrong: there’s no like, inherent moral corruption in cold constructed bots. there's no difference at all, other than method of construction. fantasy racism plotlines often flounder here, with the oppressors having a ‘valid reason’ for oppressing the oppressed, but tyrest is just operated on religious zealot bs and some biased science

like, dude, did you ever think that maybe there are other reasons why your trials only condemned cold constructed bots? like, maybe the trial itself was biased? or societal conditions were to blame? correlation is not causation, my dude, especially when the conclusion is ‘cold constructed bots are inherently SINNERS’ lmao 

like, tyrest rlly said ‘FUCK separation of church and state,’ huh

anyways I just think the whole cold construction vs forged thing is really interesting and well-done, and serves as a good precursor to the more fleshed-out functionism stuff we see later 

so tyrest is clearly off his rockers w/the whole drilling thing - dude, you accidentally gave yourself a lobotomy, okay - but I find it kinda funny that he’s right about a lot of that stuff he said at the end, about primus and the guiding hand and stuff being real 

cyclonus saying ‘tailgate and the others’...I see you, man, I see you

also cyclonus looks fine now??? didn't he just get stabbed??? 

ah, tyrest sprinkling a little light genocide onto his plan to find salvation. nice, dude!

MINIMUS NOOOOOOOOO

‘fully deserved’ SHUT UP BIIIIITCH

poor minimus is taking a lot of Ls this arc, geez

oof, great issue! again, as usual....I loved the lore we got this issue, its so interesting...and some good character stuff too. I love minimus, I feel like he’s gonna be my fav this readthru; my first read my fav was brainstorm, second readthru was whirl, and I feel like its minimus/magnus this time. I just love his character arc...

hype af for more B)