#not that they've ever cared about anyone's opinions of them but oh my GOD

[danthropologie]

Very much agree that if there is a path forward, red bull need to say something. And they need to do it soon. It can't be hanging out there for a month

yeah i mean. ultimately they can kinda just say whatever they want whenever they want and it just is what it is, but as far as optics go, regardless what the decision is, they need to say something quicklyyyyyy because the way they're letting the media decide this for them as they throw one of their most beloved drivers to the wolves..........that's fucking gross. i don't know how the fuck you recover from that

[llocket]

how come people are caring about whitewashing now in genshin?

i am poc!!!!!!! i am south asian!!!!!! i have rights to talk about this and give my opinions on a nation (sumeru) that is 70% based off my culture!!! do NOT come at me!!!!!!!!!!

ive been into genshin since 2.2 or something like that, wayyy before sumeru. when the time sumeru came, i was so incredibly disappointed (still am!!!) with the character designs. everything from the music, landscape and even food was perfect in genshin but the biggest part of the game, the characters, their designs were awful.

ive been speaking about their designs and how bad they are ever since, but barely anyone else actually cares about it. the "caring" only lasted 2 weeks max, and then everyone stopped talking about it. crazy!!!!!

natlan is now coming out soon, and the same people who were defending sumeru's character designs / did not ever speak about them, are now talking about natlan's character designs and their archon, isn't that strange?? how come people are only starting to care now? they act as if it wasn't a huge problem before.

YOU PEOPLE DO NOT ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT WHITEWASHING!!!!!!!!!

more of my yapping below:

if people actually cared about the whitewashing in genshin, they would ALSO point out the whitewashing in sumeru and even inazuma. are you kididng? have you seen nahida? (post abt how she shouldnt be white here) have you taken a look at dori? shes SUCH a weird combination of cultures. she is NOT done right. a lot of inazuma's character designs have issues fromwhat i've heard from other poc in the community; a lot of clothing is very off and incorrect.

I CAN LIST EVERYTHING WRONG WITH SUMERU'S CHARACTERS. but the biggest one i can say is ALL OF THEM HAVE BEEN WHITEWASHED TO DEATH. but literally no one cared!!!!!!!!! well, they did but only for a short amount of time

"oh my god!! they've whitewashed natlan so much" you act like this hasnt been happening for a while now lmao... even in inazuma, a lot of the traditional clothing has been made to fit the western gaze and to "make them hotter"..... you guys can NOT be serious.

people are only caring about natlan because it's hot news. people will stop talking about the whitewashing in natlan after a while, and thats a problem!! it really shows how racist the genshin community is and its so disgusting

if people actually cared about whitewashing, you would have done your boycotting as soon as designs were looking off. not now, but even when the shogun was released. people truly dont care for poc voices

a lot of the player base will silence poc in the community without hesitation... jesus christ you guys are worse than the dsmp fandom with racism 💀💀 you guys dont care about actual racism!!! you only care about your ships!!!! i am done 🙏

anyway. thats my yearly yap of the season... support me i actually take representation presented in media seriously 💞💞💞

[funnyscienceman]

Ok but like WHYY did ubisoft have to insist with the one game a year thing. Why couldnt they let syndicate cook in the oven more. Why do they have THREE queer men in the same game and not do ANYTHING with them!!!

Like yes, yes, i get it, i get wanting to for once make a story in a fun setting where you dont have to think about real life prejudice and hardships and bigotry and just have characters be silly, i love that too. I do! And id be all for that if doing it just didnt waste a potentially banger study of the characters and the setting ;-;

Like god i go back and forth on this constantly. I already love syndicate as it is, i think it's fun and neat and the happy gaming vibes about it is core to its identity, it's just that simultaneous to that, three queer men in the same game!!!

like GOD im still miffed that there are only, like, two or three fics about this, and so far i havent found any discussion or anything of it, but oh my god how different all three of them are from each other. You could do so much just with having any of them in the same room — and they are often enough in the same room (jacob and either ned or roth at a time), but nothing's really done there!

we have roth who sees fcking nothing wrong with getting kids hurt, because he doesnt actually care about anyone or anything, he's just some fucking joker wannabe that yeah, sure, probably has some anger and resentment at society because he's a gay man in his 40s or 50s by now, but jesus fucking christ retaliation against homophobia does not equal rampant needless unproductive violence roth!!!

then we have ned, who — i mean he doesnt ever give his opinion on whether kids deserve any respect or anything but considering in every other department he's pretty much just Some Guy, it'd be fair to assume he also has the extremely average stance of 'dont fcking kill kids and dont blow up buildings for no good reason??' in the grand scheme of the templar-assassin stuff he has just about as much relevance as roth: roth was just the boss of the blighters, ned just finances the fryes by virtue of them working for him. He probably doesnt even know about it, and tbh i dont even know if he'd care??? But like i imagine roth doesnt care in the way of 'as long as you dont get in my way, it's all set dressing,' ned i imagine would be smth like 'are yall fckin serious? are you kidding me rn? i have to skirt around transphobes on a daily basis, now youre telling me there's a secret society on top of that with even worse ideas?? What the fuck???'

like uh, not caring about it as in 'I cant deal with this rn i need a nap'

HE'S JUST AN EXTREMELY REGULAR PERSON (besides the crime lord stuff) IS WHAT IM GETTING AT.

then there's jacob, who's the youngest out of these guys btw, fckin 21 good god he should be at the club not trying to disassemble systemic oppression— ANYWAY

(ned is 27-28 over the course of the game, btw; we dont actually have a solid timeline for anything, just the year, so tbh jacob could've also been 20 and not 21 yet during the game. both he and ned have late birthdays, just a month apart)

so, yknow, being extremely early 20-somethings, both frye twins just take a train to london completely on impulse and dive headfirst into undoing the templars that've had an iron grip over the city for basically as long as they've been alive, yknow, as you do; and throughout the game jacob has to deal with goddamn daddy issues and fighting with his sister and insecurity and trying to be an assassin — and that's a lot for a guy to handle!! Especially one who's still just a couple years out of being a teenager! That's a fucking lot and if the devs are right, then he hasnt even realized that he's bi yet! Not until roth fucking kisses him while jacob's got a knife in his throat for the aforementioned indiscriminate, unproductive violence!

i mean, granted, yeah there were gay undertones during sequence 8, but i have to admit my bias here because i honest to god cannot take those missions seriously. Roth fucking preaches this and that about freedom and whatnot and then im plopped into the mission and it's the most rule-heavy shit ive ever seen in my short life as an assassin's creed player. Like what the hell, those missions were atrocious. Apprently i need to detonate the bombs a specific way, i cant just shoot them from a distance, i have to hold a button crouching down right next to the bombs, and then run the hell away! I have to avoid THIS and THAT while kidnapping xyz! Like there's freddy's apprehend missions and then there's THIS.

at least with ned's missions all you have to do is get the shit and go… i'm still salty that ubisoft cut his questline because they fucking insist on releasing a game a year >:((

my battery's dying. All these guys are different flavors of queer on top of just being pretty different and pretty similar in various ways, and there's just… barely anything about it. Ned especially, since he's just a quest giver whose screentime totals to, like, 2-5 minutes. I just wish they really did more with the setting; not just the queerness and these three specifically, but like, evie, henry, the class conflict — like there are shreds of it, seeds, but there's not much before you kill starrick and credits roll :((

idk. im just gonna refresh ao3 again cjemddjekjx

[stripedstarsblueflags]

i didn't win the wheel: episode 7 (pt. 1)

[they read the intro cards, it's quite cringe]

Logan: "You know what the honor is..." (tries to gesture)

Alex, interrupting: "Because nothing says Tour de France like mad stats."

Logan (after waiting): "...You get to spin that wheel."

Alex: 😊😊

i know, i know, i start every episode out with The Bit. and this could be a paragraph almost identical to the last intro because at first it looks same-old, same-old: logan is describing the activity like he's reading his own death sentence, alex still has not learned how to play to the audience, they both brighten up a little bit on the **iconic** line. but there are some differences. the body language. the way alex is once again posing so awkwardly so he can face logan. the way he looks right at logan immediately, and then the laugh just sort of tumbles out of him and he can't even keep his head up, and the way logan turns to him and his eyes track the movement of alex curling in down and towards him and then he uses the card to gesture and bring alex back in as it's time to start the game

i was rewatching this moment listening to their voices and their laughter when the thought came to me suddenly: "it's like they're taking care of each other." and i didn't even know how to elaborate on that more but it just felt so right that i had to keep examining it and now it've got it. the thing is, they're both struggling at this point. a lot. logan for obvious reasons, but alex too, very much so. silly season is hitting williams hard. there's rumors of antonelli, rumors of sainz, rumors of a mid-season replacement. on top of that, checo's contract is at this point being both ridiculed and questioned because of his failure to meet the goals, and what are people benchmarking him against? not max, his teammate, but logan. because logan can now outqualify him. and that's not "oh my god look at how well logan's doing!" it's "oh my god look at how absolutely dogshit checo's doing" (the general discourse, not my opinion). even when the williams upgrades make an actual improvement, nobody notices or cares because everybody else makes bigger improvements. and while williams doesn't have the worst pr situation on the grid, ever since australia they've needed some serious image management and that hasn't been attended to enough. jv is publicly and aggressively courting carlos, making outrageous claims about How Well They're Doing, and the longer the team goes while pretending the logan situation doesn't exist, the more aggravated the fans get. the team isn't doing anything to address the growing tension, and they don't have the on-track performance to do the work for them, so who's left carrying such a huge portion of the entire team's image? alex. he's walking on a wire to avoid falling into the absolute shitstorm of william's pr while still supporting and representing the team that's given him a second chance. he has to juggle being compared to logan and outperforming his car and people saying he deserves better and his team principal's fumbling and knowing he could have all this resentment and bitterness and jealousy from logan and that's not there. and because he's already created this image of sunshiney cutesy cuddly cat dad, he can't afford to have a single moment of visible anger or frustration, even though that's literally how racing drivers just are. so in many ways he's completely trapped in multiple situations and he doesn't know what logan's thinking or what anyone else is thinking and he's overwhelmed.

and logan doesn't have anything. no team support, no chance at another team, no certainty about literally any event in his future from the next few years to the next few weeks. his last few moments with alex are starting to feel like a consolation prize, starting to feel even more painful because of how aware he is of the time running out. and logan can see past the disoriented rambling and the hyperactivity and the media personality, he knows alex is overwhelmed. and it's not something they feel they can talk about with each other because they're scared of hurting each other, of driving a wedge between them when every goodbye feels like the last. but here's logan, unable to feign interest, unable to give the camera anything to work with because he's tired and he's bitter and he just wants to stop owing these people. but alex is there, kind of looking like he forgot they were filming today, and logan can't do much but he can do this. he can make alex laugh. he can remind alex that it's fun to be silly, you can make something silly out of this stupidity, that it's okay and the resentment at the whole thing doesn't need to be there and that they're going to get through this and they're actually going to have fun. he turns all the way into alex and watches his reaction, eyes him up and down, and his smile gets a little sadder and a little more mature as he lets alex half-fold towards him because "logan that isn't even funny how am i laughing every single time". and it's become this sort of ritual for them. it's literally just A Bit but it's their way of stepping all the way out of formula fuckup life and into just this little bubble of each other and a game. "okay, we're going to let this go now. we're going to forget that it's stupid and we don't want to be their social media guinea pigs and we're both being mistreated yet expected to deliver performances like we're not. we're just going to forget that and we're going to have fun with each other and it's going to be nice because we can do it together." and even with everything that's happening, logan is the one who initiates that. he flicks the switch for both of them. and alex's laugh is amusement, yeah, but it's also just relief– the beautiful dissociative relief of leaving everything behind for just a little bit. it's gotten to the point where alex visibly waits on that cue. he looks fidgety and frustrated and out of it and like a kid who got dragged to his mom's book club until logan starts even the beginning of the sentence and then he looks over and the smile starts to flit across his face and then the channel changes. logan's carrying them both over the threshold.

[the question is about average speed]

Logan (such a dumbass annoying smile): "Can I answer in miles per hour? I'm kidding ha ha HAA 😎😎😎" *smacks table* "Ah that's funny..."

Alex:

Alex:

Alex a million years later: 😂

ah, we haven't had one of these in a while. logan being a little shit just to annoy alex. alex being so annoyed and then so endeared he basically short-circuits. that was such a stupid joke and even the way he laughed was like "i just made the STUPIDEST joke >:)" it like has the tone of a dad joke but not even that it's just stupid... and he's the only one who laughs. even though it's obviously forced because that's pretty much part of the joke, it's supposed to be so not funny it actually is funny.

and then logan moves on from that and heads straight into thinking-too-hard-about-this mode and alex is processing on internet explorer speed. he laughs first when logan looks over at him with that stupid shit eating "did you hear that STUPID joke i just made" look and then he does the signature blush and look away (seriously we might have heart-eyes piastri and fuck me-eyes leclerc but what about cast-down eyes albon because he literally cannot hold eye contact when he's flustered which is 80% of the time in logan's presence) and then as logan starts musing about the question alex is like– i swear, he's playing logans expression over again in his head. he's tilted in logan's direction, not looking at anything, and i swear to god he's just remember logan's dumb shit-eating smile and thinking about the joke itself and then suddenly he's laughing. and he doesn't mean to and it even sounds unexpected like it's taking the breath out of him and then he literally has to interrupt himself like, "um! sorry!" because it takes him some time to regain his composure. logan crept out of the shadows just long enough to drop a shit joke and now he's huddled back but that moment is sticking way longer in alex's head than it should. bringing himself back to the game and out of his own head/imagination nearly pains him.

(will continue soon but jeez i had a LOT to say!)

ep 7 pt 2

[white-collar-cannibal]

people have posted about this before but my personal definitive Should GL!Niki Have A Gun opinion is literally only if it is a gun so big the recoil causes serious physical damage.

i would characterize any showfall survivor as being caught between the desires to keep themselves and those they care about safe, and to not replicate the same violent actions that traumatized them in the first place — but i also think glniki has the added confoundment of wanting to prove her own capability (both in general and for harm) given how it was denied to her in her portrayals at showfall. in particular i think she would be the one most likely to experience the oh my god i'm continuing the cycle of violence anxiety and respond by leaning in to violence rather than away out of paranoia of seeming overly "nice." is this good for her? very not. but i think it would be interesting i think it would be compelling for her to, yes, have a gun and also to be bad at it, or for it to harm her since it complicates her white-whale quest to never be vulnerable again (not canon but you can get here from there)

her ass is nottt ever using a revolver. small concealable firearms are 100% showfall's go-to and i know they've had this girl do russian roulette before. i don't think this is specific to her; given showfall's scavenger characterization it doesn't make sense for them to use the carousel crew as one-off actors, and i don't expect showfall to be shy w/ gun violence given its role in modern media. if anyone is using a pistol it's glcharlie who i characterize as most sensitized to showfall's whole shit due to being there the longest (child actor theory: personal theory w/ moderate word-of-god canonization/support)

if the gun physically damages you to use it it makes a Statement about the cycle of violence. when you attempt to carve weakness out of your body it harms you. i know writers who use subtext and they're all cowards.

not to be a lesbian but holy shit oh my god could you imagine:

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Like grandfather, like grandson - Chapter 1

First of all, I'd like to wish a very happy new year to you all! New year, new story - don't worry about Thea, we'll keep on following her journey as well, but somehow, after re-watching The Crown last week, I was inspired to something else - and I'm curious for your opinions!

What if… King George VI had not died of cancer in 1952, Princess Elizabeth had not ascended the throne only aged 25, and young Prince Charles of Edinburgh had grown up having his grandfather guiding him through the ways of the world…?

Chapter 1

23rd November, 1972

“Hello, my darling boy!”, his elderly grandfather greeted Charles affectionately as the two of them met, as they've always done ever since the young Prince could remember, on this rainy Thursday at 11.30 am at Buckingham Palace. “Hello grandpa!”, Charles replied, kissing both of his grandfather's cheeks before bowing down to him. “How are you doing? How's your cough?” As if on command, the elderly King was stricken by another, rather rough cough attack which immediately caused his caring grandson to rush to his side and help him getting seated in one of the red chairs on the dining table. “Not too bad, not too bad…”, the King tried to play down his health issues as per usual; he didn't want to raise anyone's concerns and thought he was lucky enough to have recovered from the wretched cancer all of those years ago at all. Though he'd never really got back into his old shape, he was still around and felt very humble and grateful for that. Every year - every day actually - he could spend with his family, his beloved wife and daughters and of course his darling grandson Charles, who was all his pride and joy, was a gift to him, a gift he wanted to enjoy to the full, for himself and his loved ones. He didn't want them to worry about him, he was far more interested in hearing everything his loved ones were up to, and especially the lad of course. “Mama has asked me to forward her and Papa’s very best wishes to you!”, Charles began, as per usual, with a little update on his parents. “Thank you!”, Bertie replied. “Where are they off to again this month��?” Travelling had become so different compared to when he and Elizabeth undertook their first joint overseas visits back in the 1930s, before the war, over the last couple of years, and the young people seemed to do everything at once, the whole Commonwealth within 10 days it seemed, and he had long lost count of the places his eldest daughter and son-in-law were visiting. He was just grateful for their sense of duty and dedication and for their popularity across all realms. “Tuvalu, grandpa.”, Charles explained giggling. “Oh, right.”, The King responded. “Is that where they worship your father as a God?”, he chuckled and Charles shook his head in amusement. “No, grandpa, that would be Vanuatu.” “Oh…”, Bertie said, just as a servant entered the room and brought them drinks.

“Anyway, tell me all of your news, my darling boy!”, the King asked after they had both been served a good glass of wine. “I'll be off to the Navy two weeks from now.”, Charles declared proudly, and his grandfather's eyes lit up immediately. Having served in the Navy himself, of course, he was beyond happy to see the son he never had following his footsteps. But somehow, he felt, there was something on the young Prince’s mind that seemed to dampen his joy. “What’s the matter, my dear?”, the sensitive King asked and gave Charles an especially reassuring and understanding glance. Charles blushed and lowered his eyes, well aware that his grandfather knew him better than anyone else and had, of course, noticed his insecurities at once. “Could it be about a certain girl…?”, Bertie asked carefully, smiling at Charles encouragingly. “Well…”, the Prince stuttered awkwardly, much to his grandfather’s amusement. “Maybe… Um, grandpa, listen, I… I wanted to ask you something…” His grandson’s unusually serious inflexion almost caused the elderly monarch to worry but the twinkle in Charles’ eyes let him know that whatever he was up to right now, it had to be something wonderful. “I… um, you might remember… Camilla Shand…”, he finally stuttered and Bertie frowned his forehead. “Shand? You mean, um… the daughter of… Baron Ashcombe?” “Granddaughter.”, Charles gently corrected him. “Oh, yes, right.” The King cleared his throat. He and Elizabeth used to meet with the young Baron back when he was the heir, and his former wife at some glamorous dinner parties hosted by Mrs Greville back in the golden twenties - back when they were still Duke and Duchess of York and though Sonia and Roland sadly divorced shortly after the war, especially Elizabeth had always stayed close with Sonia as well as her daughter Rosalind who, much to her parents’ regret had married way below her station and became Mrs Shand in 1946. Bertie himself had actually admired her for having chosen love above titles and wealth and he quite liked the lad. Bruce, if he recalled correctly, who maybe couldn’t offer what was considered an aristocratic background, had strongly and bravely defended their country during the awful war and even got imprisoned by the Germans…

Times had changed and if Bertie had learnt one thing from his almost 35 years on the throne, it was that love was stronger than convention. So the Shands, along with many other families, had been frequent guests at several fun Balmoral weekends ever since and Bertie remembered Charles and Anne playing with their two little daughters and son who’s name he sadly couldn’t recall for the moment… “Camilla…”, Charles pronounced it as if it was some kind of a prayer. “Her sister Annabel and her brother Mark.” “Oh, yes, I remember.”, Bertie said, taking a huge sip of his red wine. “And… What’s your question now, darling boy?” “Oh grandpa…”, Charles remarked, chuckling in some awkward kind of embarrassment. “You see… Camilla and I’ve been dating for a couple of months now and… I think… No, I don’t think, I know… I love her. She’s the one, grandpa. My soulmate. The one person in this world who truly understands me, who completes me… She’s warm and funny and loving and… oh, grandpa, I… I just feel like I’m flying! I’ve never felt such bliss and happiness before!”, he gushed and the pure joy in his grandson’s eyes sweetly reminded the elderly King of his own crush on the young Lady Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon who had had the very same effect on him. He had known she was the one almost at once, but it took him quite a while to convince her… It had been worth the wait though, they’d be happily married for 50 years next April and surely everybody agreed that she was the best and most devoted Queen Consort the United Kingdom had ever seen.

“Well, if that’s what you want to ask me, my darling boy…”, he began. “Then of course, you can count on my blessings! Let’s hope your Camilla won’t need as long to say ‘yes’ as your grandmother!”, he chuckled, but couldn’t even think of it any further, as his grandson excitedly jumped up and rushed over to him, hugging him affectionately. “Thank you, grandpa!”, he sobbed. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” “But, Charles, darling… have you already got a ring for you girl?”, the King asked and Chalres looked at him as if he was a ghost. “A… ring… um…”, he stuttered, and  his grandfather burst into laughter. “I’ve told you, my lad!”, Bertie giggled. “You have to impress the ladies! Let’s have a look at our little treasure chamber together and find something fit for a future Queen…”

[satans-codpiece]

Listen man, your writings feel like early comings of Christmas, I gotta do something in return, however small. Still shy af hence anon ask but hey, better than nothing ;-D

Oooooh, NOICE, looking forward to that prequel, whenever (or if?) it comes out 👀 (also my dumbass forgot to mention last time, Ram being flustered about his own dick in EY was adorable I can't-) YEEEES OH MY GOD EXACTLY- More or less everything he's had to endure all boils down to his specific model, so no wonder he was afraid of accidents... now though? Not like he has much else to loose, 99.9% of R-7000s are already gone and his own reputation is beyond repair anyway so what does the opinion of other people matter? He CAN still hurt reader which sucks by itself but he's willing to put up with his fear and I just, I'm done dude who designed this fucking character-

LMAO I defaulted to hanahaki as I assumed the whole unrequited-but-actually-requited-love thing with maybe a dash of a near death experience is an easy gateway for all the piv you could possibly want... Never mind me then, sounds like you had other plans XD And speaking of.... what do the good people of Tumblr have to do to motivate you to finish those last 4 paragraphs and hand it over? 👀 Don't care it ain't smutty I have a Need. Want another questionable anon link to horny Ram art for the motivation or something? wink wink...

PFFFFFFT Yes please, the more employees openly thirsting after Ramattra the higher the chances of new lore??? Maybe???? PLEASE??? WHEN IS THE NEW SET OF PVE MISSIONS COMING OUT I NEED MORE- ... Okay why are these asks so long, AAAAAAaaaaa- I'm sorry for being distracting >.<

fdsf re: Ramattra's dick, I mean!!! Imagine how absurd it is, you kidnap your ex and in HOPES that they'll love you again you BUILD a sex toy for them??? He's so embarrassed about his own neediness honestly.

Yes exactly! When he was bearing the weight of being a peace-advocating member of the Shambali, accidentally hurting anyone would've been such a nightmare for him. It only matters now in that he doesn't want to hurt you, the repercussions on which Reader has pretty outright stated are none since they understand that accidents happen.

Hahaha, honestly I think the reason I didn't finish it was because someone had proposed the original EY prompt in my askbox and that kind of set off a chain of events that meant EVERYTHING got tabled until EY was finished.

BUT I MEAN OH NOOOOO how could I ever continue working on Ramattra fics without the appropriate horny art???? whatever will I do????? *languishes at my keyboard*

GOD I KNOWWWW I hate so, so much that they've backburnered their actual storyline stuff :( Like, I got into OW because of the cool universe and characters, not because it's a FPS or has active esports, you know? So I've been waiting on story stuff for years and then they just had to go and make the BBEG so fucking hot and then only put out THREE FUCKING MISSIONS FKJDGJDKLSG

Supposedly I know the original timeline said new missions would be out "in 2024" so. hey. brightside, yknow?

And you're not distracting at all!!! I'm a terrible writer who thrives only on external motivation so shit like this keeps me active LMAO

[fandomwriterextraordinaire]

I know I'm not...bad at writing.

It's always been my best subject in grade school. I've studied it for my degree. I've made a career in it, writing for others. I've written my own stories and poems since I was old enough to hold a pencil.

But there are days.

Oh, there are days when I just...when my writing sucks. Days when I read sections from books or fanfiction and think...why do I even try? When people far better at the craft than I, far more creative and eloquent, can muscle through the Writer’s Block and insecurities, and actually publish something. Something worthy of praise and acclaim. Because my writing doesn't hold a candle to some 13-year-old's epic Jegulus tale that made me cry and giddily kick my feet in equal measure.

There's this thing me and my friends do, where, if we read something especially good, we send it to each other. Just to appreciate the way someone can take something so mundane and turn it into art. One day, I want someone to come across my writing and send it to their friends because it's so good that others need to see it. But I'm not sure that day will ever happen.

Because the thing is...out of all the words I've scribbled into the margins of notes and typed into shared documents and poured over until I've sent them to contest where they've won...I don't think there's anything I've ever written that hits the soul and sticks. That anyone, not even my closest friends who read my writing like I'm their favorite author, would copy and paste quotes of my words to.

Maybe it's the depression or the inferiority complex or the litany of other issues I have that would make a therapist cry, but God.

I just wish, sometimes, y'know? Wish that I could have this one thing, that didn't make me hate myself more than I already do.

I'll never be the prettiest or brightest crayon in the box. Never be the kind of person someone will ever wanna bring home to their parents because I'm LOUD and weird. Certifiably insane and unapologetically queer in a way that puts most people off. I'm opinionated and passive aggressive. I can be mean and harsh and fucked up.

I know that loving me is the hardest thing in the world.

So can I not just have this one thing. This one thing that I can be confident and phenomenal at that can make up for the lack of everything else in my life?

Just...these are just some thoughts floating around my head, today. I just wanted to scream into the void, where no one really cares if I do.

Edit: upon reading this through, it's never been more clear to me why I love such angsty characters like Regulus and Sirius Black, Cassius au Belona, Nico di Angelo, Sherlock Holmes, Castiel, Elias Buchard, and all the other hyperfixations y'all've seen me post about. Sad boi poetry indeed.

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

oh jeez the responses to this are already fascinating. "you just can't understand that I know more than you." should have screenshotted it before I blocked because way to prove a point. not just the immediacy and aggression of the paternalistic need to be fully and completely correct but oh my god

when working with communities from a different culture than yours or your organization’s, be clear that you have some learning to do about the communities’ ways of doing; never assume that you or your organization know what’s best for the community in isolation from meaningful relationships with that community

do you live in every community ever on the planet? do you innately understand every single community ever on the planet or even in your own country? do you understand their needs and their troubles? why on earth would you presume you would know best how they should take care of each other? why on earth would you presume you should have a say at all.

friends. you grew up in a white supremacist society. do you think you were immune. do you think your political theories and habits are unaffected? "I want all humans to live in justice, health, and freedom, able to express autonomy over their lives. I shall create justice and autonomy by ignoring everything anyone else says because I know whats best." ????????????????????

your ideas aren't going to get zapped into perfect execution at some point in the future if you force everyone to toe the line perfectly enough right now. they're going to be accepted and abided by or rejected by real living people and you will have to take their opinions into account. it's baffling how uninterested leftists of every variety are in showing our values by literally respecting other perspectives and growing together.

unless that real living person has done something to negate their protection under the tolerance peace treaty (bigotry--the desire to execute those different from you), they deserve a say about decisions that will affect them. and you need to accept that and plan to include them unless you plan at some point to get rid of them.

like let's say we win! ass over heels hope beyond hope we win and politically, everyone is engaging in systems where they take care of each other. hunger is low, access to healthcare is high, we have defeated every singel fucking ism no racism no homophobia no ableism no prejudice no nothing we fucking did it. are you going to execute your neighbor because in his opinion, the process of feeding everyone works better in an anarchist structure rather than the communist structure? if not, why are you doing it now???????

the point that i am making is at its most basic level, anarchists, communists, socialists, whateverists are all thinking and exploring ways to politically and structurally care for each other. each has some great ideas that fit extremely well into various contexts right the fuck now and they would have a far better shot at filling that niche with a little bit of justice if you'd get off your high horse and realize they've got the same goddamn mission you do.

mutual aid groups are anarchist in nature. they work BEST literally better than any other type of organization in disaster relief. cutting edge public policy recommends that the us government not dispurse relief through ngos or businesses but through mutual aid groups and gives a fucking toolkit on how to find or make them. anarchist ideology works fucking excellently for organizing in that context, and we should all fucking hope we've got enough experienced anarchist organizers to be the mutual aid leader in that context. in for-profit businesses, communist shit works best!

this is all tied to the idea that we have to Pick One System To Rule Them All when we do not. in fact i think teamwork makes the dream work, human diversity of thought, culture, and background is our greatest strength, and whatever future future system we end up will be a kaleidoscope of inspiration from a variety of different cultures and political thoughts produced and reproduced by everyone in the community for the shared goal of taking care of each other. we can start that right now. if y'all would like take a deep breath and take the intent and knowledge of someone who has come to different conclusions seriously.

i think more people should ask themselves if they're being a leftist or if they're propagating white supremacist culture with a leftist filter applied.

picking a political ideology isn't like picking a team in a sport or searching for one true answer. you're asking questions about what types of organization in what contexts accomplish our goals, and more than that, you should be asking yourself how to build or encourage those things right now. (in the immediate future, this is feeding people, housing people, and getting them medical care. lots of different ways to do this respectfully and with autonomy)

if you're a staunch communist/socialist/anarchist or any further hyperspecific derivative and you're absolutely convinced that Your Plan is the ONLY path forward, that sounds a lot like paternalism and only one right way.

next time you feel the need to do a leftist infighting, why don't we do a leftist action against white supremacy instead:

-accept that there are many ways to get to the same goal

-work on developing the ability to notice when people do things differently and how those different ways might improve your approach

highly encourage everyone to read the full essay

[skalidra]

I’m a big fan and hoping to trouble you for advice. If writing complex or dysfunctional families, do you ever have readers who get *too* invested? As in, pushing for character bashing and a protagonist to just burn bridges? I’m glad I got an emotional response and ppl resonate with the conflict, but I’m trying for shades of grey here. It’s uncomfortable and I feel like I’ve misrepresented or poorly conveyed the story, and folks who are so avidly invested will be disappointed :(

Yes. Yes oh my god.

So, this is slightly different but this issue is actually the reason that I stopped writing the Jason in Arkham series, and eventually shut down comments on it entirely a few weeks ago.

For those unaware, JiA featured Jason having, as the name implies, a real bad time in Arkham, and no one noticing for too long (for a variety of reasons) so you had a highly traumatized Jason when he did get rescued. (And I was going to go into the recovery, and etc, but...)

People hated Dick in that story. Hated him, and screamed at him in the comments, and were vindictively gleeful about his pain when he realized that he'd messed up, and so on. No one seemed to care why he made the mistakes he did, or about how things looked from any perspective except Jason's, or the explanations of how he (and anyone else, but they didn't get the same vitriol) could have let something so awful happen.

Being the writer, I knew all those explanations, and it felt like every time someone came in looking to crucify Dick, I had to gather up all those reasons and go defend him. It was exhausting. It sucked. Every time I saw an email about a comment on those stories I hoped it wouldn't be yet-another person raging at him. It killed all enjoyment and interest I had in writing that series.

So I shut it down. It's the one thing that I've decided, even though it's not 'done,' that I'll never go back to. And a few weeks ago, after yet-another 'but why did you stop???' comment from yet-another person incapable of reading the numerous answers I'd already given in response to other comments, I finally turned off the comments on those stories entirely. I'll never have to talk about, think about, or engage with that series again, and honestly I'm relieved as fuck about that. I wish I'd done it years ago.

So, ask yourself a few things. (Little bit of guesswork here, because I can only infer what your story is about.)

First, are you enjoying writing the story? (If no, stop. It is not worth it if you're not having fun. Period.)

Is it something you could maybe fix with added tags? A blatant 'Reconciliation' or 'Unhealthy Choices' or something, if that's the way you plan for it to go, or some opposite tags, if not? (At that point, it's their fault for not reading what they were getting into. Rest easy.)

Do the characters' behaviors make sense to you? (It's most important that the story works for you. Everyone has different interpretations and reactions to shades-of-grey situations like that. Sometimes people make shitty choices or fall back into situations that are clearly unhealthy for them from an outside perspective, for a variety of reasons. Sometimes there is no clear 'moral' one in a situation. Sometimes there's no clear cut answer at all. None of these things are unrealistic, even if they may not be what readers 'want' in their specific emotional catharsis.)

If you want to be absolutely sure people understand what kind of story they're reading, you can put it in an author's note, too. People tend to be blind, but at that point they've been warned so like, oh well.

I am personally of the opinion that stories should be for the writer, and everyone else should come in secondary. So, I wouldn't worry about disappointing people, as long as you feel like you've made it relatively clear what kind of story it is. (Fuck people who don't understand. You know, kindly.)

If you still feel like people don't understand, or you're worried that you haven't gotten the balance quite right, maybe read back through what you've posted so far. Take a look from the other side and see if you can figure out where people are getting that intense investment in the outcome from. Maybe there's something small you can edit or add here or there that might help guide people towards that middle ground. Hints of equally messed up behavior on the part of the protagonist, or sweeter/kind scenes to balance out the unhealthy bits of the relationship, or something. Getting that balance can be tricky, definitely.

(I know this is a super uncomfortable thought, but you can also ask people to stop. A 'Hey I know you're invested but this type of comment makes me uncomfortable, please tone it down' could work wonders, even if it can be hard to be confrontational like that. Stating your desires, on your work, is something you are fully within your rights to do.)

At the end of the day, it's your story. What you do with it and how you choose to advertise it are your choice. If people don't like the way it went, they've got a great back button they can use.

(Good luck, Anon. I hope any of that rambling helped. If you want to ask anything else, feel free.)

[honeybunnybeez]

c!Tommy and c!Tubbo x Parental!GN!Reader (PLATONIC) (FLUFF) (HEADCANON)

♡Au setting: Au where the war doesn't exist and everything is fairly normal but relationships are still rather strained.

♡You met Tommy and Tubbo a few years back while helping their fathers with a few errands, and a year after meeting them you were requested to babysit them while their fathers were off on bussiness meetings/adventures. You once asked why their assistants or siblings couldn't take care of them and the answer they gave you was simply, "We need a more... responsible person for this." You had to stop yourself from laughing at the answer.

♡The two of them were really close even before you entered the picture and you found their friendship to be rather ironic considering their fathers hated each other. Though, unlike others who thought the same as you, you didn't judge them or pressure them into thinking too much about it, choosing instead to encourage their bond and in doing so, you were already in their good books.

♡Their interest in you only grew when you started to take care of them. You didn't baby them like other adults but you also didn't push aside their problems like they were just small issues, you listened and had compassion and empathy while you did so. They like how you cared for them when it seemed like not many others, even their own family, did.

♡Your kindness and protectiveness over them didn't make it hard for them to start seeing you as a parental figure in their life, one they can run to if they were feeling down and in need of some sort of comfort. They can trust that you won't push them away or judge their opinions.

♡Tommy tends to be rather open about his feelings around you, dropping his tough guy act to confide in you about things in his life that are affecting him pretty negatively. Besides Tubbo, he also feels rather comfortable crying in front of you, knowing that you'll still see him the same even while he's hugging you and crying his eyes out.

♡Tubbo opens up to you about a lot of things as well. As optimistic as he is, sometimes he asks you if things will be better when his days seems dimmer than others. You and Tommy are always there to remind him that yeah, they will! You two will always be by his side to make it better too, but you also remind him that there's no shame in having bad days either. That sometimes it's okay to not be okay.

(Read more placed because it got rather long)

♡Tommy is the first to slip and call you his parent in front of others, much to his embarrassment. It doesn't help that Tubbo was immediately into the idea, following what Tommy said with a, "CAN WE CALL THEM OUR MOM/DAD/PARENT NOW!?" Thankfully you weren't actually around when the situation occured but word does travel fast and the moment you knew you pulled them into a big hug, struggling to hold back tears while the two of them wondered what they did to get such a reaction. It's only when you mention how happy you are that they're your boys that they finally realize what you now know. They didn't seem to deny it though, just accepting the fact that well, now they're your boys and you're their parent.

♡Oh my god are they clingy, so very clingy. Seriously, you thought that their clinginess from their adolescense was a phase but it wasn't. These two don't like it when you talk to other people, ESPECIALLY IF THE PERSON YOU'RE TALKING TO IS SOMEONE THEY DISLIKE. A very good example of this is Dream, poor man can't get more than a few sentence in before two kids are dragging you away to see something 'random' they found.

♡For some reason, Tommy and Tubbo decided one day that if you're ever going to date anyone, it might as well be someone they genuinely like. When Tommy was younger he used to try to get you to date Wilbur or Techno, but that didn't seem to work, much to his relief once he got older (you became pretty good friends with them though).

♡Nowadays, they seem to be trying to hook you up with Sam, which you two find hilarious. You two decided to humour them and give it a shot. The both of you weren't all that surprised when you two did get along quite well but decided not to jump straight into a relationship, wanting to get to know one another a little more. Tommy and Tubbo beg for a clear answer regarding what you two are but you two have fun giving them unclear answers and frustrating them.

♡You three once found a flower biome not far from where you lived and decided to make a small farm over there. Tubbo was the one who was most excited for the farm since a lot of bees resided there. Sometimes, when you're finished with your farm work, you can find Tommy and Tubbo sleeping under a tree with bees buzzing softly around them, almost watching them with fascination. It's cute enough that you dragged Puffy and Sam all the way to the farm for them to witness it too (pictures were definitely taken and fawned over by the three of you).

♡Speaking of Puffy and Sam, you three made a children protection squad and once even wore shirts you guys made as a joke. Tommy and Tubbo were incredibly embarrassed to see you three parading around wearing those shirts with everyone knowing exactly who you three were talking about. A part of them deep down were rather happy about it but they've decided that they're taking that secret to their graves lest you three decide to do that again.

♡All in all, the two of them love you very much and will not hesitate to shank a bitch for you, they can feel that way in confidence too, knowing you'll always do the same for them in return. You reassure them constantly that no matter what, you'll always be there for them and really, with the family troubles they have back home, that's really all they want and they're happy you can give them the stability they so desperately need.

A/N: Lord, I am just a straight up sucker for parental content- I just get soft with kids and familial stuff, please don't kill me- I had someone request parental reader for Tommy and Tubbo but I lost it so I am very sorry for that, anon! I hope this makes up for the mistake and I really hope you all enjoyed reading!

(Requests are open and anon is on!)

[sharkface-daydreams]

WOOOO do.... Sarge. Bc ur red and I haven't seen anyone analyze Sarge yet

o7 the brave and illustrious leader of Red Team!!!

Why I like them: Well, what can I say about a guy like Sarge? I mean, besides “good riddance”. Heyyoooo~ ok for real though I love him. He’s completely batshit. He appears to be completely sure of his own nonsense on the surface but I have to wonder if a lot of it is ‘fake it til you make it’ bluster that lets him keep moving forward despite a deeply repressed stash of doubts. Loves blood and violence, and treasures a solid, reliable gun, and is attracted to outrageous displays of power. I can relate so hard. I know he pretends not to care but in reality he gets so very attached so deeply to people and I think that’s very sexy of him. This man desperately needs grandchildren to dote on.

Why I don’t: You know. I don’t know if there’s things I don’t like about him. I tried really hard to think of something but honestly even his flaws are endearing to me.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Ok I guess I got a lot hang on lol Either the one where he figures out Simmons is being held hostage with Doc by Wash and Meta over the radio; the animated scene in 8.3 where he grabs his shotgun back from Wash as he’s flying past *fans self*; and/or the scene where Sarge gives his big speech on the fort after learning the entire red vs blue war was a lie.

Favorite season/movie: The Re: seasons were an excellent time of growth and courage for Red Leader o7

Favorite line: Grif! I told you not to take jumps bigger than my yee-haws!

Favorite outfit: He’s always been the reddest of the red and has never strayed from that bright, fire-engine color. However I do think the Halo 5 models are a little too shiny for my taste but the 3-4 models were just right. 👌

OTP: Sarge and Locus are kinda cute together, as are Sarge and Wash. both old soldier types and they've all had previous actual military experience before whatever we see them doing in RVB

Brotp: I like Sarge and Carolina getting along, and I think he’d be overjoyed with Lina joining red team.

Head Canon: I don’t actually think he’s too much older than everyone else. Maybe like, six or seven years. He just seems old because he’s their Sergeant and has that sort of old-man bearing to him.

Unpopular opinion: I'm gonna be honest with you I don't know what's popular or not. It might be the headcanon above lol

A wish: I would love for him to become a radio announcer or start a podcast or something. I’ve posted about it before but if he didn’t have to worry about the physical acting part, he has a really great speaking voice and a flair for dramatics and I think he'd do wonderfully.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I do not want to think about him being retired and moving away from his family please don’t take them away from him he’ll die

5 words to best describe them: bravado, passion, resilient, RED, determination

My nickname for them: hmm. I think the only silly things I call him are Sardge and Sargento

Ty for letting me gush about Sarge <3

[alison-anonymous]

I Want to Write a Mikayuu Series

Okay.

So um.

If you're reading this, HELLO. All of you long time ONS fans probably don't know me, but I'm Alison and I'm a hardcore Mikayuu, Mitsunoa, Gureshin, etc shipper. I've been in the ONS fandom for almost a year and dear god. The amount of people telling me that Mikayuu is queerbait is just making me really sad 😅 I'm a writer, and I'm the type of person who honestly feels like the author of a series should have the ability to choose how a story ends without influence of their readers. I mean, if it's their story, then it should be their ending, right? However, I also do have some qualms when it comes to how this "love triangle" between Yu, Mika, and Shinoa is being portrayed. This is entirely my personal opinion, but I feel like Shinoa seems to be forcing herself to love Yu. I honestly don't think she cares for him in a romantic way, but more of a very deep-rooted admiration or even envy that she's trying to convince herself to be romantic love. And Yu has said multiple times that he values Mika's life above his own, that he doesn't know what he would do without him if he were to die again (I mean the fact that he suffered seeing his best friend and potential lover die a first time was definitely scarring enough, PLEASE STOP TORTURING OUR POOR BABIES). And it's basically confirmed by now that when Mika said I love you in the manga, it was in the romantic sense. Even though I wish, I hope, I dream, and I pray that Mikayuu will become canon, I honestly can't say for certain what I think will happen. I think it could sway any way, with Mikayuu becoming canon, Yu and Shinoa becoming canon, or it being one of those ambiguous endings where it's heavily implied but nothing actually happens. And in order to make myself feel better when stuff like this happens, I tend to rewrite the entire story with the ending that I would have liked to see ;)

You're probably wondering where the hell this stranger is going with this. Well, I want to write a book. A series, actually.

One that's inspired by Seraph of the End.

Now, if you're interested in hearing me out, then feel free to keep reading. But if not, continue on with your scrolling, no hard feelings. But if you do, and I really hope that you do, give me a chance to explain.

I want to write a series inspired by Seraph of the End called Bloodsucker (working title, obviously). And this series is going to be a reimagination of ONS with an ending that I would have loved to see in the anime and manga. I plan to have three main characters (please keep in mind that I'm going to have name changes): Yuichiro, Mikaela, and a brand new character, Epic.

Now, I would begin this series a bit before the anime and I'm assuming the manga begins. I'd start with introducing our main three characters as they meet in the orphanage (yes, Epic would be a part of this orphanage as well) and how Epic and Yu try to make moves to run away only to be stopped by Mika and Akane.

I plan to include a scene between Epic and Akane where Epic tries to run out in the middle of the night only to be stopped by Akane, and this is what caused Epic to develop a crush on her (Epic is a girl btw). Then I would begin the whole shit with the vampires and how they set the world on fire and shit, but instead of the apocolypse, I'd make it so that most of the adults died in the fire while the kids were taken alive (because young blood is better and whatnot). This includes our little Hyakuya family. The directors would have tried to trade the kids lives for their own, and due to their selfishness, the vamps killed them and took the kids anyway.

This would begin my first story arc: the prewar.

Epic, Akane, Mika, and Yu would all be living under the vampires at this point along with the rest of the kids in their orphanage. I plan to include lots of moments of bonding that heavily imply Epic loves Akane even though she doesn't know it yet and Mika loves Yu, but Yu is fucking oblivious. The four begin to plot their escape, but while Mika and Akane (yes Akane too) are making deals with the vampires to help out with their family, Epic is constantly finding herself getting dragged along to visit Queen Krul. The pink haired vamp has a soft spot for her for some reason and often tells her that Epic and her family are "special" or sum shit. And she's super confused and semi grossed out. But none of the vamps ever dare to hurt her so she thinks it's fine. Then one day they all plot their escape and it's much more planned out and lengthy and less rushed than it is in the anime. Things almost seem to work out until the vampires stop them

And Mika and Akane DIE.

I know. I'm horrid.

Epic is standing here in shock as she watches the love of her life die before her and Mika BEGS for Yu to take Epic and run while they can. So while in the series only Yu survives, he obeys Mika and both him and Epic survive this. They're found by Guren (a new character I haven't come up with yet lol) and Yu is super protective over Epic, not wanting anyone to take the only piece of his family he has left (he's a fucking mess without Mika let's just be honest) and Guren ends up taking them under his wing.

Now we hit the second arc. Still with me?

The War.

Hold onto your hats everyone because this is where shit is about to get complicated. So I do plan to have a bit of a time skip into the current spot where Yu and Epic are attending school with Guren as their father figure and they've become very close. So close that Yu refuses to work with anyone else but her. They end up getting onto Shinoa Squad (obviously going to be completely different in my version) and they get put onto the battlefield. But here's the catch. Well, two catches.

Yu and Epic do have demon weapons. I do plan to try to incorporate that into this. BUT the backstory is different. I plan to make it so that the vampires obviously see the humans as fies. Insignificant things that are more playthings than threats. And they didn't want to have to deal with killing all of them, so they sent demons in their place to handle it. But the humans were able to form deals or "contracts" with the demons and therefore turned the vampires' own secret weapon against them.

Now, catch no. 2

So, Epic, Mika, and Yu aren't seraphs in this. But they are something else. I'm going to try to explain this as simply as I can, but each of them (besides Mika since he doesn't have a demon) have 3 souls inside their body:

Soul 1 is their current soul, the one that identifies as Mika or Epic or Yu.

Soul 2 is their demon soul, like what Asuramaru is to Yu.

And soul 3 is their archangel soul (I might change that name later on).

So I'm just going to come right out and say it. In this series, Epic is the villain.

Yes.

You read that right.

Epic is the villain. But she doesn't know that she is. These Soul 3s were reincarnated into the current bodies of Mika, Epic, and Ari (and I know that's not exactly how it works but screw logic this is just a fucking concept) from their lives centuries ago.

These souls existed way before vampires existed and Epic (or Essie) was very close friends with Yu (or Aytigin). Aytigin was in love with Haru (Mika) but for one reason or another, they couldn't be together. Essie wanted to do something, willing to do anything to make the two of them happy. So she made a deal that brought the vampires into creation so that Haru and Aytigin could be happy. She was willing to sacrifice everything that they stood for so that the two of them could be in love together.

She had good intentions, but of course Haru and Aytigin were furious because now the vampires were turning against the humans and they all basically died. Until they were reborn respectively, but unknowingly.

Now picking back up in the present, Yu and Epic are fighting in one of the main battles and the two are very confused when the vampires make a very deliberate attempt not to hurt Epic. They're unsure as to why, but Guren tells them not to worry about it.

Suspicious bastard.

Anyway, it's revealed finally that MIKA IS ALIVE

BUT HE'S ALSO DEAD

Yes he is a vampire. And Yu falls in love all over again upon seeing him, and after a bunch of struggling, Epic gets kidnapped. At first she gets strangled by Lacus and then she gets kidnapped by Ferid who doesn't kill her surprisingly.

Oh and uh... Ferid is nice in this. He's still a fucking creep, but he's a lot nicer than he is in the series. I plan to make Queen Krul or whoever I turn her into be the villain.

Anyway, they take Epic back to the vampire palace or whatever and Queen Krul and Epic are reunited! And Krul is the one who reveals to Epic exactly who she, Mika, and Yu are and this is what sparks Epic's fall to insanity.

I mean, she's the killer. She's the one who brought them into this world. She's responsible for every death the vampires cause.

I would go crazy too.

So, she manages to escape (partially thanks to Mika) and the two join Yu and the others again and it's revealed a second time exactly what is going on. And while no one actually blames Epic on the Shinoa Squad, that doesn't stop people like Kureto and even herself from blaming.

And this causes her demon to go haywire.

She begins losing her marbles, almost killing her teammates and trying to kill herself, all while the three begin to experience dreams or visions of their Soul 3s.

While all this shit is going on, there's heavy romance between Mika and Yu because these two lovers just got reunited and FUCK did they have glow ups but yes -

Oh. And there is another spark for Epic, even though she doesn't think she's worthy of love.

Okay. I'm just gonna say it.

Lacus falls in love with Epic. Yes. You read that correctly too.

I plan to make the two of them get trapped together at some point and they have to work together to escape. It's during this time that Epic realizes he's not all that bad and has some form of self control and he realizes that she's the most interesting thing he's ever met in this disgusting and boring life and damn do her eyes look pretty-

But yes. She forms a permanent alliance with him that he jokes about as marriage and they meet on other occassions too, but lol yes.

Anyway, blah blah blah, more fall to insanity, the Soul 3s take over their bodies on multiple occasions and there's a lot of bonding and fighting and Epic and Mika somehow manage to get some of the vampires on the human side.

And in the end, Epic and Yu basically sacifice themselves to save the human race and kill Queen Krul. It's a very rough ending I haven't quite perfected yet, but Yu has a moment like he did with the King of Salt. But though he inflicted a lot of damage, it's not enough. So while the team is worried about him, Epic takes this opportunity to fix her and Essie's mistakes.

She allows both Essie and her demon to take control of her body and dies on the battlefield. Queen Krul is eliminated. Most of the vampires are gone. The humans won.

Horray.

Epic is dead.

Kinda. Yu and Mika take her back home and this is the preview to the last arc where everyone's in the hospital and Epic's in a coma. Mika and Yu barely ever leave her side and it's only when Lacus of all people comes to visit that she fucking wakes up.

Okay. Are you still with me? Now come with me to the final arc.

The Post-War.

No my friend. It doesn't end there. Because Mika and Lacus are still vamps and life still sucks and I drank too much coffee this morning.

No it's not over yet.

So flash forward a couple years and Kureto and Crew are working as the heads of this city. Stuff is being rebuilt, people are settling down in homes, Lacus and some of the other "good" vampires find jobs, and Mika, Yu, and Epic get a house together (in case I didn't mention before, Epic is pansexual. She loved Akane dearly and I plan to include scenes where she sees her in her mind and dreams like Mikayuu so she's never truly gone, but she falls for Lacus too when he's not being a sadistic asshole). Things are going strangely when

BAM. Epic and Yu come up with a cure for vampirism.

How, you may ask? I don't fucking know, I haven't read about it in the manga yet but before we come up with an idea for it, imma say they came up with it through a spell. They share their findings with Guren and soon all vampires are being cured, most notably Mika, Lacus, and even Rene.

BUT and there's always a but, Kureto passes a new law claiming all vampires to be property. That any vampire or previous vampire or even vampire supporter/owner that tries to disobey these new laws is to be killed immediately. Now Epic and Yu are in jeopardy because their ex-vampires are in danger (Epic and Lacus have been hanging out a lot more and he's proven himself to be a decent guy. Contrary to popular belief, I headcanon him as not really knowing what to do when he actually cares about someone since he's been a heartless vamp for so long. So when he turns to Mika and begrudgingly asks him for LOVE ADVICE of all fucking things, Mika is ready to die). So basically, Mika and Lacus end up getting locked up along with the other ex-vamps (including Ferid which was a pain in the ass) and did I forget to mention that there's a proposal?

Oh yeah, Yu proposes to Mika and the blond still has yet to give him an actual answer because poor baby is still having a hard time accepting that Yu can love a "monster" like him.

But anyways, now Epic and Yu are furious and SHINOA SQUAD IS BACK IN BUSINESS. With the help of Guren and Shinya and everyone, they form a sort of rebellion and blah blah blah they manage to get Mika and Lacus and everyone out and blah blah blah they all get separated and Lacus begins to get INSANELY protective of Epic and ends up confessing his feelings to her before he nearly dies and blah blah blah did I forget to mention that I'm making Mitsunnoa and Kimizuki x Yoichi canon and blah blah blah.

Epic kisses Lacus as an instinct. Lacus kisses her again. Mika accepts Yu's proposal then almost dies AGAIN. I kill off some characters for emotional tugs and after a ton of more fighting and revenge and psychological breakings later, Kureto is killed. And Guren (or someone else haven't decided yet) is the new head of their city.

Epic, Mika, and Yu finally let Akane and the kids go. There's a lot of Shinoa Squad bonding but this is a summary so I haven't included much besides the main three. Epic and Lacus becomes canon. Mika and Yu get married. Guren and Shinya get married. Shinoa gets pregnant.

And everyone gets the FUCKING HAPPY ENDING THAT THEY ALL FUCKING DESERVE BECAUSE FUCK

I do plan to be slightly ruthless like the creator and include a lot of heartbreaking scenes, but it's going to be much different than ONS but I still want it to hold on to some core relationships.

I just want them to be happy. And I just want to make other people happy because fuck I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY

So. Yeah.

That's Bloodsucker...

So my question to you is... if I wrote this shit.

If I sat down and typed about 30 books roughly inspired by Seraph of the End and Mikayuu and Mitsunnoa and shit...

Would anyone read it?

♡ a.a.

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

[blissfulsaturn]

Story time:

I don't know if anyone cares or wants to read this, but I'm gonna tell y'all when and why did i start believing in Charmie. So buckle up, who ever is reading this.

I've been a part of a lot of fandoms and they were usually about movies/TV shows/actors/actresses. I've always been a shipper of characters and not actors, I'd search their pictures by their character's names, read and write fanfics about the characters, i did everything that involved just their characters. Example : i used to ship Stiles and Derek from Teen Wolf, just them, not Dylan O'Brien or Tyler Hoechlin, same thing with the Maze runner, i shipped Newt and Thomas, and now Thomas Brodie Sanger and Dylan O' Brien (oh Dylan...lol) etc.

And then i saw Call me by your name, and i was shipping (still do) Elio and Oliver, but there was something more to it, i couldn't wrap my finger around it, something was missing, like it wasn't enough that it was just them. So i went online and watched all the interviews with Timothée and Armie.

Honestly, something you need to know about me, i was never involved in a private life of a celebrity or knew all this PR, Hollywood, fake relationships shit until i came here on Tumblr. So when i watched the interviews i was like "Aww they're such good friends, they're really close if they talk like that and touch each other like that, if they compliment each other like that etc", because i was like "You can't ship two actors, are you insane?? Armie's happily married with two kids, his wife looks good (on photoshopped pics, i never zoomed in her eyes and jaw), and Timmy's definitely straight and all that bs."

So time goes by, and I'm still shipping just Elio and Oliver, and Armie and Timothée like bros and good friends (that rolled around naked on bed, and made out for 10+ minutes).

And then TIFF happened and that was a breaking point for me. Even before TIFF when Timmy showed up after being a ghost for 6 months, and he showed up for Armie Hammer. That kind of spiked in my book, that was the first time i gave myself a permission to believe there's more to it than just friends. And then the TIFF hug and everything that happened at TIFF.

So i joined Tumblr and realized i wasn't the only one with that opinion, it was good but still wasn't enough for me. Now, I've seen Charmie being spread around and never really took it seriously, like i saw them as nothing but friends. But that hug, that hug was...everything to me. I'd think of Armie being married and then the hug, I'd think Timmy's probably straight, and then the hug. The TIFF hug undid all the doubts i had of them being just friends.

Then SSIFF happened and the rumor about Tim going to dinner with LRD and then his eyes, those sad eyes, he wasn't sick, we've seen him being sick, it wasn't the same. No, those eyes were pure sadness and anxiety, and i remember seeing him like that and all I wanted to do is fly over to Spain to hug him for whatever reason.

Fast forward to the first Central Park picture of Tim and Lily.

That's when i got very suspicious. Okay, they were at TIFF and SSIFF, there was no interaction, that rumor of them going to the same dinner was just a rumor until the black and white picture came out months later (where Timmy looked like he was holding some sort of guard), how come this relationship just sparked out of nowhere? (Lily was on the set for 2 weeks, no time to fall in love) Then Mud happened, then those pictures from the rain, then those from Central Park, and all the gossips and rumors and made up stories...everything was so suspicious to me. So i log onto Tumblr again and saw all the theories and i tried to develop my very own.

If Charmie was just a fantasy, and it was made up by couple of people on the internet, then it shouldn't bother anybody, because it was just a fantasy, and this relationship began so close to the TIFF hug that got me thinking "What if it's not just a fantasy but something real, and they're covering something up?". Because, let's face it, not in a millions of years would I ever put Timmy and Lily together in a relationship. He was Tim, and she was very problematic (from family to drugs, lbr). It got me to question either Timmy and his choice of women, or his PR team (I learned that here). But Timmy went on being his perky self and this relationship just stunk to the core.

And from that point on, everything was smooth sailing.

Maybe I've gotten far into something I shouldn't have, but the point is, the reason why i started to believe in Charmie is because of the fake relationship. It was too close to them being publicly affectionate and too far from thinking Tim would really fall for a woman like that. I'm sure Lily's okay in a closed room alone, but in public, i don't like her very much and it has nothing to do with Tim, or me being a jealous person that wants Tim all for myself (he's not my type), i wouldn't follow someone like her and her insights in the world. Simple as that.

After that, i turned the film around and realized that they've probably been "together" since CMBYN promo or so. The fact that "friendship" like Tim's and Armie's had to be covered by a fake girlfriend and a wife that was rather a control freak, then i got my thoughts straight.

Now i know what we say about Tim and Lily, and Armie and Liz, they could all be legit and really in love and happy, but...i just don't see it. And i know what we say about Tim and Armie could be false, or it could be true, we're just speculating, but my God, when all the pieces are put together, when all the videos of them gawking at each other, their body language, their eyes and compliments, just them being them...it's hard to see them as just friends and co-stars. They went through something when they were filming CMBYN, and I seriously doubt they stopped at that. I think this movie awoke something in both of them and they deepened the bond and it got them where they are now.

So, thank you PR teams for making me believe in Charmie, you did a shitty job and each time you screw up a bit, I believe in them even more, because the more you try to cover something up, the more real it gets for me. And it's not just them, it's the entire picture, this is very simple and people with logical thinking can see it also.

Conclusion : I am a Charmie, i love and support both Armie and Timmy separately and together, i don't like Lily and i think Liz is very...something. No hate, this is just my opinion on all this.

Have a great day, sorry for the long post, here's some Charmie love.❤️

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: bitch you better have hidden all MY baby pics!!! Janis: obvs my number 1 priority Grace: mhmmmmmm don't be letting that boy see me looking like that Grace: as if our house isn't cringe enough Janis: what, a child? Janis: still got those chubby cheeks, cutie Grace: ew don't even Grace: I learned how to contour for good reason thank you Janis: mhmmmmmm Janis: curse this family and its DNA Janis: [sends her all the baby Grace pics we don't have] Grace: STOP Janis: 😂 Janis: n'awh Grace: you're so annoying it's no wonder you're their new fave Grace: so who's more 😍😍 for him, mum or dad? Janis: bit rude to their old fave Janis: giving you a place to bunk, have some manners Janis: 🤔 hmm, it's close Janis: probably the mother, chatting about some art project he has to do so Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: like if you're not gonna offer to do it for him, hush babes Janis: the idea of her coming at me with a 📷 got me like Janis: [suitably grumpy child pic] Grace: 😂😂😂😂 Grace: does he have to use 📷? she could just get one of her old 🎨 out Janis: oh yes, 'cos the idea of posing for a portrait thrills me more Janis: I think it can be any medium, it's his thing Grace: you only have to sit there tho Janis: not trying to spend any more time here with them tho Grace: 👌👌 true Janis: strictly dinner kinda deal Grace: I'm so sure dad made soooo many courses anyway Janis: I told him to be chill Janis: so naturally he hasn't Grace: ugh Grace: do not miss his dinner time check ins Janis: its only been a couple of days Janis: wouldn't get comfortable not missing anything Grace: UM can you not remind me that I have to come back Grace: so rude Janis: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: cute that you miss me tho hun 💜 Janis: like I'll be here hun Grace: you invited him there 🤞🤞 that you EVER see him again Janis: no I didn't Janis: I wanted them off my back, that's the plan Janis: now and I can leave and they won't freak Grace: he's still meeting them Janis: ? Janis: he'll get over it, it's one night Grace: !!! & 😱😱😱 Grace: it's mum & dad how long do they even need to make you wanna die Janis: it's more funny when you don't care Janis: worry about yourself Grace: I'm fine thanks so much Janis: were you waiting to talk about yourself Janis: 'cos go ahead Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: never stopped you before Grace: excuse you Janis: hm? Grace: really nice catching up, babes Janis: hm Grace: see you soon or not Janis: toodles Grace: 💜👋💜 Janis: call off your bitch, will you Grace: ??? Janis: who do you think Janis: why does she even watch my stories Grace: idk or why you think I haven't already told her to get over it Janis: fuck's sake Grace: why do you even care if she watches your stories? literally everyone is rn Janis: I don't care if she watches but tell her not to message me Grace: I obvs will but she obvs isn't gonna listen to me Janis: if she doesn't she's getting a slap Grace: LOL Grace: you know who her dad is, you can't Janis: no I don't Janis: though she'd like to think everyone does Grace: OMG just block her Grace: you wanted mum and dad OFF your back Grace: literally why bring him to dinner to start more drama Janis: they don't like her either Janis: it's not drama Grace: Duh she'll cause it if you hit her Janis: then she better shut up then hadn't she Grace: what's she even saying? Janis: does it matter Grace: if you want me to message her after days of not Grace: like I'm gonna just hit her up without knowing anything Grace: I'd look mental Janis: you know what Janis: forget it Janis: god forbid you inconvenience yourself however slightly Grace: OMG just tell me Janis: it shouldn't fucking matter Janis: let her tell you since you're so keen to side with her already Grace: I can't even take sides if I don't know anything Janis: I'll sort it myself Grace: by fighting her Grace: for god's sake Janis: and what Janis: your approach has worked so well? Grace: okay so it's all my fault Janis: thanks but that admission don't really help Grace: STOP Grace: & just talk to me Janis: why Janis: so you can act like she's not your best friend Janis: that you don't know that she's been like this to me for years Grace: you're my sister Grace: I can give you a million secrets you can use Grace: tell me how bad it is first Janis: I ain't interesting in playing your little games Grace: so what do you want me to do? Grace: I'm literally saying I'll be on your side Janis: You brought her, you get her to go away Grace: okay Janis: good Grace: for you, sure Janis: how do you always make yourself the victim Grace: how do you have the nerve to ask me to do something & still act like a bitch Grace: you said it, she's my best friend Grace: this isn't gonna backfire on you Janis: She's already fucking me over, it doesn't need to backfire Janis: and it's no one's fault but you're own that she's your friend Janis: don't expect sympathy Grace: you think she can't do worse than a few DM's Grace: oh honey Janis: I'm not scared of her, get a grip, for fuck's sake Grace: so happy for you Grace: you know what, handle it yourself Grace: hit her, do whatever Janis: yeah no shit Janis: you've not done anything about her a day in your life Grace: yeah cos it's so easy Janis: poor you Grace: don't talk to me Janis: make your mind up jesus Grace: go away Grace: I'm so done with you & this Janis: get the fuck over yourself Janis: you were buzzing at the chance for more petty mean girl bullshit with her Janis: do something with your life and she might give a shit again, you're not using me for your in Grace: I wanted to help you Grace: until you reminded me why that's THE WORST idea ever Janis: you never help anyone Janis: saying you're nice and helpful but then never doing it 'cos everyone else is THE WORST Janis: don't make it true Grace: oh please Grace: I've never said I'm nice or helpful Janis: oh please, you do constantly Janis: you can't take responsibility for shit, it's me, it's her, it's your shitty exes, yeah? Janis: maybe it's you, Grace, you're the common denominator Grace: okay thanks Grace: you're really helpful Janis: I don't want to help you Janis: let's be clear Grace: Great, so shut up Janis: no Janis: this is your fucking fault, you should get an nth of the bullshit I get Grace: me and Mia aren't the same person Grace: if I had any control over her I'd have used it way before now Janis: you think you're any better? Janis: at least she's upfront about it Janis: got some balls Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: you really are pathetic Grace: wow Janis: what Grace: if that's the best you can do, it's obvs why you wanted me to deal with her Janis: working with the material I'm given Janis: which is fuck all really, isn't it Janis: but no, you're known for your acerbic wit and silversharp tongue Janis: my mistake, please tell her off like you've never managed before Grace: are you like done yet or not? Janis: nope Janis: you actually thought I would ever come to you for help Janis: when have I ever needed you Grace: well you actually did so Grace: how awks Janis: It's actually awkward that you think me venting to you so you know what you started is a genuine cry for help Janis: your thing, can't take that from you Grace: if it's my thing I know the difference between venting & asking surely but go off babes Janis: Diego has less miscommunication in his life than you Grace: 👏 Janis: Genuinely Janis: you should really get help at school Janis: some kind of delay there Grace: yay we're back to how stupid I am Grace: been a min Janis: N'awh, not stupid Janis: probably a syndrome Janis: bet it's got a name, have a google Grace: 💜 Janis: let us know, get everyone to start talking really slowly at you and all Grace: I'm fine with none of you talking to me Grace: thanks though Janis: yeah Janis: that's why the only place you have to go is your sisters Janis: you've got no one but them so I'd get back on the 💜 train Janis: who the fuck would have you that ain't bound by bloodties and duty Grace: way ahead of you, babes Janis: stop slagging them off then as if you and me have a thing in common Grace: stop policing what I say Janis: say something worth hearing Grace: to you, no thanks Janis: to who Janis: already pointed out you have no one if you ain't got Mia Grace: obvs to no one then duh Janis: obvious for two reasons then Grace: sure Janis: 💔 Grace: yeah Janis: kiss and make up because everyone is sick of it Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: Serious Grace: Chill, I'm sure she'll be my date to the vow renewal Grace: are you done with dad I need a q & a? Janis: what Grace: it's a simple question, hun Grace: literally need to talk catering so like are you done or not Janis: what are you talking about Grace: Rio and Buster being the most extra couple ever Grace: like hello? did mum and dad not fill you in Janis: you better be fucking joking Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: if you send one more emoji I'll shove that phone down your throat Janis: are you serious Grace: like I'd make up a 2nd wedding Grace: get a grip Janis: this is bullshit, obviously not Grace: they're already married, babes, they have a kid, you're kinda too late to object Janis: fuck off as if you support it Janis: no one does, no one wants to go to that that's why they had to do it alone Grace: exactly, they could care less if I do or not Janis: well no one cares what you think Janis: it's irrelevant Janis: the point is, why have another wedding no one wants Janis: this is the last thing anyone needs Grace: cos they are holding their breath waiting for your RSVP or opinion I'm sure Grace: he asked & she said yes, that's how it works Janis: shut the fuck up Janis: this is the most selfish thing I've ever Janis: she's so full of shit Janis: it won't be happening Grace: it literally is happening though Janis: no it isn't Janis: not when she gets called out on what a hypocritical lying cunt she is Janis: see how much you feel like celebrating then Grace: as much as this fam ever does Grace: one big party 24 7 Janis: nah, fat chance Janis: they've not destroyed enough they wanna rub everyone's face in it, don't think so Janis: 3 lives they utterly fucked, there's no celebrating that Grace: not the way they see it Grace: & it's how they see it that matters to them so Janis: It's easy enough to change their mind Janis: fuck's sake Grace: How? Janis: not going to be you that does it so what's it to you Janis: roll over quicker than anyone asks, you Grace: it won't be you either Grace: he'd have to tell her to call it off for her to listen Janis: like fuck it won't Janis: someone has to say it Janis: she was here last time and she ain't no more Grace: & what did it change? Grace: they did it then & they'll do it now Janis: You're a quitter, I'm not asking you to get on board Janis: she's gonna listen Grace: If any of us told you to stop seeing Jimmy, you wouldn't Grace: they love each other, get over it Janis: and she ain't me Janis: if she cares even a degree of what she fakes Janis: she won't want another death on her hands Janis: it's not hard when what they're doing is sick and wrong Grace: stop it Janis: nah, like fuck Janis: if you cared about those kids like you fake, you'd want them taken off them Janis: the shit they're going to get Janis: and you cry every day about your shit life Janis: he should know better, his parents being what they were Grace: None of us want any of this Grace: but it's too late Janis: it's always too late with you Janis: no you can't do anything 'cos you're fucking weak and you need them all Janis: I don't need any of you, you can all rot Grace: Janis, don't Janis: fuck this shit Janis: fuck you Janis: fucking catering are you out your fucking mind Janis: over my dead body Grace: Stop saying that Grace: OMG Janis: You act like she was the crazy one Janis: she did the only thing that made any sense Janis: getting away from this toxic fucking family anyway she could Janis: you aren't even a real person and it's their fault and you do nothing about it Grace: Please don't fucking go Janis: Why would I stay Janis: why would you Janis: they have no right to miss her, none of them Janis: they all gave her reasons to get so far out her head that she'd fucking Janis: fuck Rio, fuck mum and fuck dad Grace: I can't do this on my own Janis: We've never been together Janis: you'd pick them every time Janis: you'd help her plan her bullshit wedding that's about nothing but showing off how much she gives a fuck about no one but him Grace: Give me something to do that isn't leave or kill myself Grace: I'm going mental here Janis: you should hit up Ollie, see if he's about it Janis: can be just like her Janis: she's doing just fine Grace: There's worse things to be than like her Janis: there's nothing worse Grace: at least she's happy Janis: she will be until one of hers dies Janis: then she'll be broken and pathetic like mum and dad Janis: and she doesn't have the excuse of not knowing better Janis: she helped kill Edie and then thought of ways she could make that situation even worse Janis: she's worse than them and has the nerve to act like what, some kind of mother figure doing her best for all of us Grace: She cared about Edie & she cares about us Janis: not enough to do the right thing Janis: they never do Grace: it wouldn't have saved her Grace: you know that Janis: that makes it alright then Janis: if mum did it first Janis: break her some more Janis: damage already done Janis: too late Janis: you're so fucking brainwashed and what do you get from it Janis: are you happy Gracie Janis: 'cos you're fucking collateral Grace: of course I'm not Janis: then stop drinking the kool-aid and telling me how good it tastes Grace: Rio's trying to help me, she's the only one who is Janis: yeah her saviour complex done everyone real well Janis: Junior's life isn't fucked at all because she had to live it for him Grace: I'm just saying I'm not gonna walk away from her cos Edie would want me to Grace: Junior's life is fucked cos he has shit taste in men & goes along with what everyone else wants Janis: This family loved to surround itself with dead girls it was trying to help Janis: and you're happy to be one of 'em Janis: don't pretend you want other options Grace: I don't wanna die Janis: 🤞 she has a baby for you that she won't give you then Janis: you're never gonna be the one 'helping' Janis: you aren't her or mum Janis: that is your role if you don't get out the fucking show, Grace Grace: we've established I'm not helpful, babes Janis: we've established you aren't a person Janis: even this, you can't be real Janis: what the fuck will it take Grace: you don't want real from me Grace: you literally never have Janis: you've never offered Janis: and I ain't waiting around for you Grace: Every time I try & talk to you, you shut me down Grace: you obvs aren't waiting for anything from me Janis: When have you ever tried to talk about something that matters Janis: I'm not talking to you about hair when people are fucking dying Grace: when have you ever let me Grace: you're a bitch way before then Janis: why would I be nice to that Janis: You don't like me, I'm not begging you either Grace: nothing that matters to me matters to you Janis: the colour of your fucking lip doesn't matter period Grace: that isn't real Janis: You've never been real Janis: you don't give me a fucking chance Grace: I can't be real with you cos you just make fun of everything that I say or feel or do Janis: and you and your friend don't Janis: nah, everything I do hasn't been fucking wrong to you since before we got our periods Grace: I've never backed her up on anything she said Grace: I don't call you stupid or ugly or any of the shit you call me Janis: you just call be a bitch and annoying and weird Janis: so if all of that's fake, everything you roll your eyes at because I just don't get it, just admit, you don't want to be real with me Janis: never fucking have, pretending it's 'cos I don't wear heels has always been an excuse Grace: You are a bitch and I do find you annoying and weird Grace: & you don't get me or any of the things that are hard for me cos they aren't for you Janis: that makes it alright then, you can say whatever you like to me because you perceieve yourself as life's victim and it's all fine for me Grace: we have different problems Grace: I'm not saying your life is perfect, I'm not that stupid Janis: just better than yours so why should you even try to be nice Janis: landed you with a great crowd, that Grace: you think you're better than me Grace: you literally always have Janis: no, you think I'm better than you Janis: and I didn't tear myself down so you could use me to build yourself up Janis: you aren't her and I'm not you Janis: why do you think you fell into that kind of relationship Grace: you are better than me & it makes it really hard to be around you, okay Janis: thanks Grace: it's not like any of this is how I want it Janis: how can you sit here and expect sympathy Janis: when I'm the one who's left with no one Janis: you can deal with the shit and have friends and have them, I can't do that Grace: you think I'm dealing? LOL Janis: deal with theirs Janis: and they'll love you for it Janis: none of them are gonna call you a doormat, just me Janis: 'cos they need a yes man Grace: well maybe I wouldn't be here if they did call me out ever Grace: at least you tell me the truth Janis: well maybe it gets exhausting being the only one telling the truth Janis: do you think she liked having to have every conversation be a confrontation Janis: do you think I Grace: it's exhausting being fake too if you were thinking about swapping Janis: like I said, you've got plenty of company Janis: they all are Grace: Yeah but I'm the only one getting told to see a therapist Grace: like I'd know where to start Janis: told you Janis: love a dead girl Janis: breeding and 'fixing' people when they've got no business is this family's shared hobby Janis: reason they ain't try to section me, section her Janis: take your shoelaces, where's the fun in actually doing something Janis: say you will, fucking say you have, did Janis: but never actually do Grace: they couldn't section you, you're not mental Grace: her either Janis: give her a case when I say I'll top myself if she goes ahead with this wedding, won't I Grace: No Grace: if being angry was all it takes half this fam would be gone Grace: & the wedding wouldn't happen cos he's the worst for it Janis: they should be, that's the fucking problem Janis: seperate cells, all of 'em Janis: and yeah, he's a cunt Grace: You don't have long if you really wanna stop it Janis: yeah? Grace: they are rushing but obvs won't tell me why Grace: maybe they think people will try and stop them idk Janis: Brazil one probably wasn't even legal Janis: why should I care about their kids really Janis: why should I try and help any of them Grace: they're just babies, they didn't ask for any of this Janis: maybe not but maybe those two deserve for those kids to grow and turn 'round and tell them how much they hate them for doing this Janis: fuck it, I can't think straight Janis: maybe that's enough, maybe I just won't go, I'll be gone Grace: you'll come back though, right? Janis: can't think about that Janis: I should be happy right now Janis: but no Janis: can't Grace: you can be happy Janis: how can I Janis: it never stops it never goes away Grace: idk just worry about yourself like you always say to me Grace: forget about them Janis: can't do that when you're here Grace: forget about me Janis: no I mean Janis: I can't be here, I can't be anywhere near any of you and be happy Janis: and one reason to stay doesn't outweight all the reasons to go Grace: you're saying you're gonna leave him, aren't you Janis: this isn't fair on him Grace: it wouldn't be fair to do that Grace: on you either Janis: I know that, all he needs is someone who can stay Janis: I can't do it Grace: he loves you so he needs you Grace: you love him Janis: yes Grace: he'd go with you if you asked him Janis: the kids can't come Grace: why do they need to? he's got a dad, right? Janis: no Janis: they need him Janis: and he needs them Grace: oh Janis: it's not easy Janis: even if it feels easier than staying Janis: it's still so fucking hard Grace: I love you & if you only listen to one thing I ever say then Grace: you're really gonna regret it if you fuck things up with him Janis: I know Janis: but I should have never have let him in Grace: but you have now Grace: not to be that it's too late bitch again Grace: but like Janis: bad things happened to him too Janis: happen Grace: so don't hurt him Janis: that's all I ever do Grace: no Grace: that's faker than anything I've ever Grace: shut up Janis: I don't want to Janis: she didn't either, I don't think Janis: it's just Janis: seems like the only way to end it all, all the suffering Grace: nobody wants to, I don't think even Mia wants that, way deep down Janis: you can't end other people's, only your own Janis: but causing it means you're having some effect, right Grace: she had so much love in her, that's how she could do it, hurt people that deep Grace: so do you Grace: but you don't have to be like her Janis: I don't know what the alternative is Janis: like I said, it feels like someone HAS to be saying these things Grace: I think it's this Grace: trying Grace: being honest means being honest about like everything Janis: it's hard to do both Janis: that's the problem Janis: how can you tell Rio she's a hypocritical bitch that has ultimately put herself first and tell her she still held it down all those times we needed her to Grace: I know, babes, trust Grace: cos they can both be true Grace: I hate you & I love you Grace: nothing's just a or just b Janis: I guess the thing is, they get the rest from everyone else Janis: like you said Janis: you wouldn't be here if I didn't tell you the bad shit Janis: no one would Grace: you can still be the call out queen Grace: if he's the only person who sees the real you, maybe that's okay Grace: maybe its like that anyway Janis: it feels wrong Janis: we didn't always hate each other Janis: all of us Grace: I didn't always hate myself Grace: it's just Grace: things happen Janis: too many things have Janis: that shouldn't have Grace: Yeah exactly so don't make yourself unhappy Grace: there's been so much of it Janis: she died for nothing Janis: if more and more keeps happening Janis: just makes it more true Grace: she died for nothing anyway Grace: she was 16 Janis: and if I act like it, it's a problem Janis: but Rio gets to openly ruin more kids and we're meant to be happy Janis: I refuse, I won't do it Grace: she's just trying to be happy Grace: like you want to be Janis: no Janis: you don't get to try at the expense of a helpless fucking kid Janis: that you made Janis: that's not how it works, this is what I'm saying Janis: we aren't doing this again and pretending that that's alright Grace: I'm not saying don't tell her what you think Janis: how could she Janis: twice Grace: I don't know Grace: I don't know how she could fall in love with him or any of it Janis: it's not love Grace: she thinks it is, & she let it happen Grace: I don't understand that Janis: she's selfish or it's trauma-bonding Janis: she can have either Janis: but she won't admit it regardless Grace: of course she won't Grace: so just let it go Janis: no Janis: there's consequences to the shit you do Grace: they're her consequences to deal with Janis: and one of them is that I hate her and I'm not going to let her forget that Edie died hating her too Janis: it's not enough to yet again put it on some kids Janis: say hey, wait to see how bad the bullying gets and the doubt and all of it Janis: then turn around and say why the fuck did you two do this Janis: they hurt people Janis: and they still are Janis: they should care Grace: I think they do Grace: but idk if that's enough or not Grace: or what'll happen to those babies or any of us Janis: it isn't enough Janis: they aren't Grace: what I know is if you keep hating like Edie did it'll hurt you like it hurt her Grace: you have to stop Janis: we should be hurting Janis: she shouldn't be happy Janis: none of us should Grace: we are Grace: that doesn't mean you have to ruin everything for yourself Grace: that you can't ever be happy Janis: I'm not ruining anything Janis: it's ruined Janis: nothing has changed Janis: so no, we shouldn't be happy Grace: Edie literally wanted you to be Grace: & we were 12 so much has changed Janis: like what Grace: like you letting someone in Grace: being happy even if you think you shouldn't Grace: we're talking now that wouldn't have ever happened Grace: if you hate me more than you did 4 years ago that's still change, babes Grace: you can't stand still for her Janis: I'm not going to pretend we're blessed to live to make more mistakes Grace: do better like everyone says they are gonna but don't Janis: no thanks Janis: I'm not righting all this family has done wrong Janis: that's what they think they can do Janis: Rio and Buster, and they've already failed Grace: I'm not even talking about them though Grace: just do better for you Grace: stay with him, feel something idk Janis: I don't know if I can Grace: I can't answer that for you Grace: do you wanna try or not? Janis: It's not that simple Grace: with that attitude no Janis: no, it just isn't Janis: you haven't been in love, have you? Grace: no Janis: well it's like Janis: sometimes what you want, and even what they think they want, might not be what's right for them Janis: and if you really loved them Janis: you'd want what was best for them, wouldn't you Grace: you are what's best for him though Grace: I've seen you together, wayyyy more than I wanted to Grace: & I lowkey stalked him before that so Janis: lowkey is debatable Grace: thank you for focusing in on the right thing OMG Janis: I'm not trying to be a cunt for once right now but you know Janis: I don't think you can say what's best for him Janis: me either, really Janis: idk Janis: I wish I did know then I'd just do it Grace: so let him say it Grace: be there to give him the chance like Janis: that's not me Janis: I can't be the one getting left Grace: & he can? Janis: no Grace: so do you love him enough to let him really hurt you or not Janis: its all stupid anyway Janis: we only just met Grace: I don't think that's the point, babes Janis: it is, even some of yours lasted longer than this and you weren't in love with them Grace: hello I'm fake Grace: & a hoe Janis: I didn't intend to be real Grace: he can't do fake that's not your fault hun Grace: his face is a dead giveaway like literally always Janis: you can take hints then Janis: just ignore 'em Janis: good to know Grace: I'm not brain damaged Grace: you just wish I were Janis: why would I want that Janis: sounds dead irritating, if anything Grace: cos otherwise I'm just stupid Grace: no excusing that Janis: you're not you're just infuriating Grace: cute but yeah I am Janis: nothing cute about it Janis: it's ugly all the shit you pretend Grace: duh it suits me then Janis: yeah yeah Grace: yeah we can pretend that's why no one wants me instead of what the truth is Janis: what's the truth then Grace: that I am just ugly Grace: so my personality might as well be Janis: nah Janis: truth is, you don't wanna die, like you said Janis: if that's what it takes for you to survive Grace: I'm too scared, like I am of a lot of things Grace: but like I also said, things change Janis: it's scary Grace: if I ever do it get mum's old oujia board out & I'll let you know what happens next Grace: like a liveblog Janis: oh great Janis: here's me thinking I'd get some peace and quiet, like Grace: EW what if heaven's like a really amazing nightclub vibe & they don't let me in Janis: what do you wanna go to heaven for Janis: it's like here without all the interesting bits Janis: at least hell is offering a bit of something new Grace: UM cos I'm not into bdsm unless the boy's like really fit Janis: you'll be fine then Janis: Lucifer is famously too hot for heaven, like Grace: oh yeah I totally forgot Janis: grand scheme of bible teachings, probably encouraged to be a bit quiet on that one Janis: black nan be buzzing Grace: catch me sinning really hard from now until I kms so he's into me Grace: sorry nan Janis: really gonna try and be his favourite sinner Janis: 😏 Grace: You'll love it cos I promised Rio no boys & she'll be really 😠😠😠 Grace: 💜me perdoe, irmã eu tenho que pecar💜 Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna point out that there are 7 other sins Janis: and those are just the deadly ones, like Grace: yeah but like Grace: it's the one that'll get his attention easiest Grace: boys are so quick to get jealous Janis: the devil has and always will be a gentleman, babe Janis: not a fuckboy Janis: rethink the tactic probs Grace: excuse me that gluttony & sloth aren't moods for an attractive corpse Janis: hello it's your soul you're taking Janis: not a zombie fuckfest Grace: UM I still need all my exes devastated at my funeral thanks Grace: don't let anyone touch my hair though or I will haunt you Janis: ha your plastic weave gonna be there long after the rest of you is dust Janis: as for your exes Janis: got to think numbers Grace: RUDE Janis: alright for you to say, you won't be handing out sausage rolls to however many identical unimpressed looking white boys Grace: neither will you Grace: a glance to check I'm in there & you can go, babes Janis: oh please Janis: can't make me go to this farce of a wedding but doubt I'm getting out of a funeral that easy Grace: I'll literally write in my will so bye bitch Janis: cute you think the dead's wishes are getting honoured around here Janis: whether she wanted us to be miserable or happy, we're all doing shit regardless Janis: can't say she wanted us to muddle through ad infinitum Grace: she still died we can't just move on ASAP Janis: why it's better to be team miserable Janis: a case can be argued even if we aren't committing enough Grace: I'm sure your bf will be down his face is always 😒 Janis: you fancy him not me Grace: ew Janis: mhmm Grace: you can go ahead and put that wayyyyy into past tense thanks so much Janis: 😏 Janis: convincing Grace: I literally only wanted to hook up with him Grace: not gonna do that now so Janis: that's all you do with any boy so Grace: duh Grace: he's only special to you Grace: no boy is to me Janis: don't be gay Janis: x2 Grace: don't be homophobic Grace: it's gross & retro Janis: whatever Janis: every gay I know is a twat Janis: tell me it ain't related Grace: same tbh Grace: 🤔🤔 Janis: doesn't help they're related to me and all but when I'm right, I'm right Grace: you don't know any others? Janis: dunno anyone do I Janis: if you cunts are boring, not like the ones at school are any better craic Grace: idk who you hang with now bitch Janis: 🙄 Janis: yeah decided I want loads of mates Grace: you got a bf so who knows Janis: told you that was a mistake Janis: accident, whatever Janis: not a habit Grace: you could be making friends by mistake Grace: obvs so likeable Janis: I'd rather not Grace: 👌 Janis: every twat's the same 'round here Grace: true Janis: nah no more people Janis: undecided what I'm doing as is Grace: it's a mood Janis: bollock Janis: you hate being alone, famously Grace: duh but idk what I'm doing Janis: hiding at Rio's rn Grace: thanks Grace: not what I meant tho Janis: then you'll have to be more specific Grace: whatever Grace: how are there no parties tonight??! ugh Janis: probably for the best Grace: it's really not Grace: school's gonna start soon Janis: astute Janis: you check the calendar Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: do you know of any I don't? Janis: wouldn't tell you if I did Grace: that's so rude Janis: forgot why you've got a pity sofabed atm or what babe Grace: that wasn't a party & I wasn't gonna invite him to be my date tonight Janis: makes no odds, and dates a pretty loose term for 'you can frig me off in a random's lounge whilst their parents are out' as well Grace: it is shorter to type though so Janis: ha Janis: hilarious Grace: no just why I used it Janis: stick to babysitting Grace: I'm going out it'll just have to be somewhere else Janis: not doing this again Janis: got things i need to do now thanks to this awful fucking news Grace: not stopping you Janis: yeah right Grace: literally can't Janis: if you didn't want stopping, you wouldn't fucking tell me Janis: not after last time Janis: but I'm telling you, I ain't gonna be in any state so leave it out Grace: excuse me if for someone with no friends you have a lot of party invites Janis: called being likeable Janis: try it Grace: obvs & I obvs can't Janis: you don't try very hard Grace: LOL Grace: like I said, being fake is exhausting too babes Janis: well stop Janis: that's why no one likes you Janis: you're too much it weird everyone out Grace: I literally just said I can't Grace: but thanks Janis: how hard is it to shut your mouth for 5 minutes Grace: for you very Grace: so like idk why you're telling me to Janis: cos like idk I'm trying to help you! Grace: no you're not Grace: you're trying to get me to shut up cos you have so much to do Grace: you can just go Janis: sadly not Janis: waiting Grace: feel free to wait in silence Janis: why would I do that Grace: why not Grace: so easy Janis: nah Janis: I'm likeable, dying to hear what I've got to say Janis: too likeable to be off my phone rn so you'll have to deal with it Grace: 💜 Janis: I mean it, make sure one of them is sober Janis: I've got plans here Grace: I don't need you Grace: do what you want Janis: blatantly untrue Janis: made a massive twat of yourself last time Janis: which was, by the way, 2 days ago Janis: consider you have a problem Grace: & I'm so sure I will again but like it's my problem Janis: not though is it Janis: you checked out this entire convo Janis: affects all of us Grace: read back your own responses where everything is shit & we all deserve to suffer & nothing matters Janis: so sit and think about what you've done all alone Janis: that is suffering Grace: no thanks Janis: cool just ruin my night Janis: again Grace: it's not about you Janis: yeah it is Grace: no Janis: yep Janis: already ruined one plan so tah Janis: have to carry out this one after Grace: 👌👌 Janis: in a bit, cunt Grace: 👋 Janis: you really aren't subtle Janis: you know how easily I could forward this all to Rio, like Janis: think on Grace: then do it Grace: you love telling on me it's your thing now Janis: it is funny Janis: acting out doesn't really work if you keep telling before you do it Janis: not your thing by a long stretch Grace: I'm going out it's not a dramatic storm out Janis: yeah to get fingered 'cos you hate your ugly, stupid self, by your own admission Janis: so casual Janis: so not why the therapists are being booked Grace: literally so done talking to you now Grace: this convo has gone on forever Janis: it's cool it's forwarded Janis: 4G is amazing, idk where the fuck I am Janis: still, so fast Grace: wow Grace: I'll be impressed later like Janis: won't have the time Janis: though the drive back to mum and dad's is a fair while, yeah, you could use that time to really reflect Grace: I'll obvs make it for you, babes Janis: obvs Janis: fucking sad Grace: 💔 Janis: bet that felt like a moment Grace: mhmm Janis: n'awh Grace: yeah Janis: if you don't get some standards, honestly Grace: that's really working for you, yeah? Grace: it won't be any easier when he hates you than when he loves you, you know that Grace: get a grip Janis: like you'd know the first thing about it Grace: like you do either Grace: duh why you're terrified Janis: love a bit of projection Grace: okay sure Janis: not the one that freaks out when boys touch her Grace: so Grace: you're still gonna be alone anyway Janis: and? Grace: it doesn't matter if you push him away & if I'm getting pushed away by whatever lad Grace: even if you wanna use things I've said against me rn Janis: and you're the one that can't stand being alone Grace: oh sure keep pretending you love that but I'm so fake Janis: if I was fazed, I would've done something about it before now, what with how likeable I am to boys and girls Janis: no begging from my end Grace: you love him you literally admitted it Grace: stop Janis: and that matters because Grace: he loves you too Grace: you can't act like that doesn't matter Janis: sure can Janis: don't push me Grace: You're so stupid Janis: awh Janis: you are if you think there's any salvaging already Janis: like I could stick around with all that you threw at me Grace: me? Janis: yes, you Grace: how are you so delusional actually Janis: you couldn't want to tell me all about the stupid wedding Janis: you didn't have to Janis: mum and dad didn't for a fucking reason clearly Grace: you pushed me like you always do Janis: nah Janis: you dropped that like it was nothing Grace: you were being horrible for no reason like you always are Janis: the reason is you and your self-confessed shit personality but sure Janis: if it makes you feel better about the whole thing Grace: the reason was Mia but sure blame me again Janis: give a shit about Mia Janis: it was the wedding and you know it Janis: and you knew it and that's the only reason you said it Grace: I can't take it back now Janis: yeah well me either Grace: I didn't mean to just drop it on you like that Janis: whatever Janis: you want some attention, have at it 'cos I'm about to undo tonight Grace: why can't you stop Janis: why would I Grace: that's obvious Grace: undo whatever you've done to him instead Janis: how Janis: how the fuck do you reckon I can do that Grace: however he needs you to Grace: grow the fuck up & be sorry & try Janis: go to hell Janis: you're so fucked Janis: you care more about him than you do me what the hell is wrong with you Grace: I care about you Grace: for god's sake Janis: that's why you ain't once asked where I am or who I'm waiting for Janis: stop fucking talking about him Grace: cos I'm really scared what the answer is Grace: don't you understand that Janis: well it ain't Drew so my odds of leaving unmolested are slightly up Janis: though not his type, I don't reckon Grace: Every time you do this I freak out that it'll be the last time Grace: you won't come back cos either you don't want to or you can't Grace: if he's the only reason for you to stay then of course I want you to be with him Grace: I'm not sorry for that Janis: Well I can try for you but I don't think going catatonic and then bolting off is much of a turn-on Janis: 'specially not Janis: nah Janis: she kept this up for ages, good times, eh Grace: Talk to him Janis: gonna need to take this shit first Grace: Please don't Grace: I'm sorry for everything I've said and done literally ever okay Janis: yeah Janis: know you are Grace: Janis Janis: sorry alright Janis: and I never sent nothing to Rio so you can go Grace: I'll come to you Grace: wherever Grace: you don't have to Janis: I really meant it when I said idk where I am Grace: we can figure that out Grace: & I'll tell him it's all my fault, whatever you want Grace: he knows what a nightmare I am Janis: it's my fault Janis: this would've happened at some point yeah Grace: it's me, I'll fix it Grace: just give me a landmark to aim at first Janis: he was from Janis: Ballyfermot, yeah Janis: even worse than Tallaght, I remember she said Janis: don't come here I just need to Janis: aim back Grace: I can't just sit here like 🤞🤞 Grace: that's all this fam ever does Janis: shit Janis: this was really stupid he was horrible Grace: are you okay??? Janis: okay, I'll put my location on but I'll start moving, just meet me halfway Janis: one of Edie's old dealers/boyfriends Janis: said she had the right idea, yeah Grace: I can't even with that Grace: I'm in a car now so just move Janis: who is it Grace: just me obvs Grace: I'm not getting any of them involved Grace: I have an app for a reason like Janis: right no Janis: good Janis: just don't tell your uber driver I'm packing Grace: duh Grace: what are you gonna do with it though? Janis: can't just chuck it Janis: what if a dog eat it Janis: or a little kid Janis: kinda looked like some weird sour sweet you know Grace: find a really really gross bin Janis: or, could keep it and take it when he won't speak to me eh Grace: that's not funny Janis: I know Grace: I can't even breathe rn Janis: told you I couldn't pick you up Janis: tweaked driving is probably marginally better than drunk but still Grace: if he did something to you, you literally have to tell me Janis: he didn't, I swear Janis: he was just Janis: chatting about how he missed her and I wanted to ram his meth teeth down his throat Janis: bet he barely remembers her name Grace: that's horrible Grace: fuck Janis: he looked so old Janis: but I'm thinking it was just the drugs taking their toll, no way did she Janis: I hope not Grace: I don't wanna think about it but like Janis: I wanted to mug him, like Janis: show I ain't no hypocrite Janis: but I couldn't Grace: you can't do this again ever Janis: I don't wanna make promises I can't keep Janis: but like Janis: I don't even wanna take it, it smells and looks so Janis: toxic Grace: I will literally kill you if you die Janis: I don't know how much longer I can do this Janis: 4 years and I Grace: stop Grace: I'll help you Grace: I mean it, I'll do whatever you want Janis: I'm just so angry all the time Janis: and mean Grace: you can shout at me rn if you wanna, I'm already crying Grace: this driver has seen some shit Janis: people should be nice to you Janis: sorry your friends are dicks Grace: I should be nice to people Janis: fucking state of us Grace: idk how to be different Grace: it's been so long, before Edie even Grace: literally who am I? Janis: me either Janis: if I give up being angry Janis: give up her Janis: what have I got Grace: you never have to give her up Janis: I think I do a bit Janis: she couldn't make herself happy, I can't do it for myself and her Grace: she'd want you to be happy, I was so serious Grace: she was coming to see you Janis: us Grace: no Grace: she hated me & it was totally mutual Janis: but she loved you and that was too Janis: can't not Grace: if anything she was coming to ruin whatever tween celebrations I had planned cos that'd make you happy Janis: I can't remember anything about that day Grace: me either Grace: how can it not feel real when it's the realest thing that ever happened Janis: how did we find out Janis: who told us Janis: I don't know, genuinely Janis: not like when I pretend I've forgotten things Grace: I feel like it was dad but maybe I've made that up Grace: cos of after Grace: idk Grace: we should know that, shouldn't we? Janis: yeah Janis: that's the problem, right Janis: 9 kids, to tell Janis: sort of thing you want to do one on one but then some would know before ithers and how Janis: how would you do that 9 times Janis: he must've just, Janis: it must've just came out Grace: how would you even do it once Grace: I can't talk about anything ever Grace: literally not an exaggeration Janis: I told Jimmy she ran away for good Janis: not that she's dead, that we know where she's gone Grace: you don't owe him the story if you don't wanna tell it, babes Grace: everyone knows so much of our business Janis: their mum Janis: they don't know where she is Grace: like she just left? Janis: I think so Grace: how old was he? Grace: that's so sad Janis: I don't know, I don't ask he's just Janis: we've both said some stuff Janis: but Bobby is 6 so Grace: you wanna talk, can't relate but Janis: sometimes it feels almost right, like he'd get it Grace: yeah Grace: A lad once said to me 'you don't fuck like you've got a dead sister' like word for word that's what he said Grace: what does that even mean, you know Janis: people are so fucking weird Janis: does he mean you weren't sobbing at the time or that you weren't giving it your all like you've seen death so you know life now Grace: I didn't ask for clarification Grace: I just threw up and left Grace: but like it'd be nice if someone understood it, maybe Janis: nicer than that doesn't take much but Janis: maybe it's worse Janis: and maybe I'm a dick for comparing Grace: but maybe he wants someone to understand too Grace: it's really lonely getting left all the time Janis: Grace Grace: ?? Janis: are you sure you don't want him Grace: EW Janis: you'd be much nicer Grace: no I wouldn't Janis: well you wouldn't run Grace: yeah I would Grace: just not like physically cos 👠 Janis: if he fucks Mia I'll cry I think Janis: then kill her Grace: he would never!!! Grace: he hates her and she's livid about it Grace: like same but I'm relieved Janis: it's only been a few hours right Janis: maybe I can Janis: oh God, I'll have to explain the entire Buster and Rio saga if I even want to explain tonight Grace: I'll drop you off if I ever get there Janis: hope your driver isn't the kidnap kind Grace: Don't that would be the perfect end to my evening Grace: he lives by nan & grandad, right? maybe I'll go there Janis: k but you'll have to share the bed if he won't let me in Grace: lowkey would have to give you the bed cos it's my fault so 🤞🤞 he does Grace: so over sofas OMG Janis: should make Saint swap you Janis: he'd fall for it Grace: my back hurts so much okay I haven't done yoga since I was like 8 Janis: should join mother on the lawn Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: mhmmm LIVING for any direct comparisons between me & her Janis: defs gonna slutshame her into dressing her age Grace: ughhhh Grace: how could you ever sit him down for dinner with them Janis: you know, take the piss out of them relentlessly behind their back Janis: feel him up a bit under the table, standard Grace: thanks for that mental 📷 I didn't want or need, hun Janis: soz Grace: he's hot but like you're also there so Grace: awks Janis: I won't take offense Janis: though my ego is wounded Grace: nbd I just haven't been a hoe for a while & that's obvs everything I am rn Janis: didn't you Janis: fair boy Grace: the one who left or the one who you kept blowing up my phone every sec I was with Grace: cos either way no Janis: oh Janis: well, doubt you're missing much on either score Grace: I know exactly what I'm missing with my ex thanks Grace: & I don't hook up with 19 year olds who lie to me Janis: not good Grace: like you said, this town is full of the same kind of people Janis: how is it so crap Janis: with some lads Janis: like Grace: they don't care Grace: I've spent hours memorising every clip they like but there's no getting any of the same back Janis: relatable but still Janis: felt more getting a checkup at the drs Grace: you have to put it in for most of them cos they don't even understand the layout but they'll still ask you if it was good Grace: imagine being that confident Janis: I am Janis: but not gay Janis: soz ladies Grace: 💔 Janis: don't you 💔 weirdo Grace: it's for the one hot white boy you stole by being hetero so Janis: I offered and you ew'd Janis: let the record show Grace: shut up Janis: he's probably so single now Grace: STOP Grace: it's been like a hour or something Janis: I ran away Janis: he's gonna be so Grace: Babe Grace: just make him understand Janis: no pressure Grace: well duh Grace: there's a reason I don't let boys that close to me Janis: you're saying it like I don't know Janis: not my first rodeo Janis: it just happened Grace: you know what you did, that's more than any ex I've ever had Janis: well Janis: done now Grace: Yeah Janis: should I wait or tell him I'm alright now on here Grace: I'd wanna know you were okay but you know him Grace: is it better to just show up? Janis: I think he'd wanna know too but like Janis: ugh fuck it Janis: wish me luck Grace: obvs