#not that i expected any less from him tbf

[a-swiss-and-a-spaniard]

Grigor Dimitrov, Laver Cup 2024

[orphiclovers]

unpopular epilogue opinion time again. you have been warned

I've been thinking how profoundly unfair the epilogue is from 49% perspective. because he wasn't enough for Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyoung.

He barely gets to speak any lines in (supposedly) his own story, Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint ™, because no one respects him as his own person, just who he isn't. all three of them are given the chance of a 'happily ever after' due to the sacrifice made by another version of themselves (1863!hsy, black coat wearing 1863!yjh and 51% kdj) but yjh and hsy couldn't settle. they just had to be 'greedy' and demand all of him. when kim dokja has never placed that same expectation on them, even when all this time, to kim dokja, yjh and hsy have been the 49% versions of themselves.

take 1863!hsy - who we are told is cooler, smarter and has way more of the 'original' han sooyoung's memories than our han sooyoung. yet kim dokja never thinks of our hsy as lesser or inferior and even tells so to 1863!hsy face (accidentally making her fall in love with him in the process but I digress...)

not to even mention Yoo Joonghyuk - at first he only remembers the first three rounds, and even at the end he doesn't regain all of his memories. you know how much 3 out of 1863 is? 0.16% ! He's less than one percent Yoo Joonghyuk. Less than one precent Secretive Plotter. Yet Kim Dokja chooses him as his companion even with the memories he knows are missing, unconditionally.

but yjh and hsy. can't.

just. urghhhhhh I'm in pain....

(tbf to hsy and yjh- I get it. orpheus turns around in every version of the story etc etc. I think it was the only choice they could have possibly made)

[atlabeth]

all of me | luke castellan

pairing: knight!luke castellan x princess!reader

a/n: sooooooo i know that i said i would work on something else but this hit me and suddenly i could not rest until i wrote something for it so you're getting headcanons since i can't formulate proper thoughts. some of this is dialogue but most of this is pure stream of consciousness. im already kind of obsessed w them ?

wc: 3.7k lollll this got away from me but it was so much fun.

warning(s): parental death, fighting, normal royal stuff. fluff, angst, all that good shit

princess!reader and knight!luke

yeah

and they're childhood friends bc they grew up in the castle together

YEAH

luke is the son of a kingsguard and he wants to be just like his mom 

his father is out of the picture (booo) and his mom never really talks about him but she’s raised luke the best she can

shoutout to may castellan, she was the first female kingsguard! and definitely the first to personally guard the king 

you are the heir to the throne and the only thing you're sure of is that you want luke to be in your life

you basically spent all your time together because he was kinda the only one your parents would approve you hanging out with

most of the crownsguard don't have children and those that do have them live with their spouse outside of the palace, and your parents didn't want you spending time with the children of servants

and luke's mom is your father's closest friend because she's the king's personal knight and so everything’s basically already vetted and they don’t have to worry about you accidentally getting murdered by him 

so you and luke basically spend every moment of your free time together!! 

even when you’re not free tbh 

sometimes you beg your tutor to hold your lessons outside so that you can sneak glimpses at the knights training and luke training alongside them 

whenever he sees you, his face always instantly brightens and he will lose focus in whatever tf he’s doing because he’s only thinking about you now 

and instead of either of you doing what you’re supposed to do, you just spend the whole time making faces at each other and trying to grab the other’s attention 

after his mother tries (and fails) to get him back on track a million times and your tutor realizes that you’re never going to listen to her historical prattles they allow the two of you to talk for “FIVE MINUTES AND NO LONGER MY BOY” and your tutor is all “i ask that you do not delay our lessons any further, your highness” 

and tbf you and luke could notttttt care less. you immediately join up and you start teasing him about his form and how he was holding his sword and he just makes fun of you for having to be a princess

“Your form is horrendous, Luke! How do you expect to beat anyone holding a sword like that?” 

“At least I’ll be on the battlefield one day. You can bore our enemies to sleep with your recounts of Aureldan history.” 

“Oh, I bet I could beat you right now. I’ve got royal blood in my veins.” 

“And I’ve got knight’s blood in mine,” he says. “I’ve at least got a sword. That’s more than you have.”

You huff. “Mother says I have to learn propriety before I even think about picking up a weapon.” 

“Do you want to hold mine?” he asks immediately, his eyes lighting up as he offers it over. “It’s just wood because Mom doesn’t want me to hurt myself, but that means it’s safe for you.” 

you do. obviously. 

You’ve got soft hands, untouched by the world, and the sword feels foreign in their grasp as you realize this is in fact the first time you’ve ever held a weapon. You cut it through the air a few times and Luke is grinning wider than ever 

“I think the role of a warrior princess suits you,” he says.

“It is nice,” you muse as you turn it over in your hands, already growing used to the feeling of it. 

“And you look great with it,” he says. “Powerful.” 

“I’d give myself a splinter before I can do anything with it,” you retort as you hand it back to him. “It’s a nice thought, though.” 

His eyes light up. “You should train with us sometime. My mom is the best at teaching— she’d teach you everything you need to know!”

You glance back at your tutor, who is very clearly eavesdropping, and you sigh as you look back at Luke. “Maybe in a few months.” 

Luke’s mother calls his name and it’s obvious that your time is over. You hug each other and promise to meet up as soon as your responsibilities for the day are over, then go back to your respective duties. 

Your tutor takes you inside because she doesn’t want anymore distractions, and you wave at each other like crazy as you’re walking back into the castle.

so yeah. you’re best friends and you have been since you first met as children, and though it is a battle for your betters to keep you on task if you’re near each other, you just light up when you see each other and it actually helps 

You’re learning dining etiquette and if you get told that you’re using the wrong spoon again, you’re going to lose your mind. 

luke is hurrying through the halls to catch up with his mother and you both catch a glimpse of each other. 

your posture straightens, he stops in his tracks, and you both smile at each other. then luke’s mother calls his name again and he’s on his way again. 

spoons aren’t that bad, you think 

you’re mulling over history books in the library that make you want to fall asleep.

luke just happens to be walking past on the way to his chores, and when he spots you, he yells out your name and waves at you. you wave back, and you both stifle laughs as your tutor shushes you 

suddenly, you’re not feeling so down.

Luke is training on his own out in the yard before dinner and he’s about ready to break his sword over his knee because he can not get this damned move right. 

he hears your voice across the way and sees you, all dressed up and with your parents about to get into a carriage. you’re on your way to a ball, he remembers you telling him earlier, and he finds himself smiling. 

You had been complaining about it, and Luke had told you to just think of the two of you hanging out whenever you were bored. You said you were already planning on it.

His smile widens. He’d be thinking of you too, wondering what it would be like for him to attend with you. Dressed in the same gaudy outfits as the rest of the court, having to go through the same dull niceties that you’d been raised on, listening to stories from other royals he couldn’t care less about. 

Standing beside you as an equal. 

Luke’s young, but he already doesn’t care for nobles and their court. But he thinks he would wear any amount of uncomfortable suits and listen to any number of dull proposals for you. 

for the rest of the night, he trains better than he thinks he ever has. 

and of course, you break the rules together. GOD HELP YOUR CHARGES YOU ALWAYS BREAK THE RULES TOGETHER 

your tutor cannot count how many times you’ve slipped out of lessons and she’s found you in the halls talking with luke, him smiling brighter than she’s ever seen as he listens to you go on and on and on 

your mother cannot count all the times you’ve talked about what you and luke did that day instead of describing to her any of the history or arithmetic you were supposed to be learning 

May always keeps watch over her son, but she’s been known to turn a blind eye when Luke thinks he’s being sneaky to go off and see you. 

and of course, sometimes you actually hang out when you’re allowed to hang out lol 

you’ve run around every bit of the palace grounds together, you ride horses together (with parental supervision of course), and once you’re a bit older, you’re actually allowed to practice with luke and the rest of the knights! 

typically, it’s a shorter session with May teaching the two of you, and typically, it ends with both of you ready to die because you’re just kids and even though Luke is a prodigy, you are sooooo bad at swordfighting. it’s honestly not even funny how bad you are at it the first couple of lessons 

But May just pats you on the shoulder and promises to work with you until you’re as good as her. 

(luke pouts and says he wants to be better than you. you forget that you’re holding a sword and just start complaining at each other) 

(“you CAN’T be better than me luke I’m the princess”) (“YES I CAN MY MOM’S THE GREATEST KNIGHT EVER”) (“SHE PROTECTS MY DAD WHICH MEANS I CAN BE THE BEST EVER”) (“THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE”) (“YES IT DOES”) (“NO IT DOESN’T”) (“I’M YOUR PRINCESS YES IT DOES”) 

(the lesson ends when May has to pry you two apart) 

but we haven’t gotten to the knight part. 

because it’s a bit sad. 

what happens to may in pjo canon is awful but 

May Castellan dies when you and Luke are sixteen. A month after your birthday, in fact. Four months after Luke’s. 

(he’s always held those three months over you, especially as you get older.) 

(it doesn’t seem to matter as much now.)  

rumor has it throughout the kingdom that she slowly went insane and then fully lost it, ultimately dying in an attack against the king during a ball that turned out to be a set-up. 

the only one who knows what really happened that night is your father as he was the only other person there at her death that still lives, but he refuses to talk about it, only saying that “Head of the Kingsguard May Castellan died a hero and shall be remembered as such”. 

Luke… does not take it well 

besides the king, he obviously spent the most time with his mother and it was obvious to anyone that she loved him with all her heart and wanted him to follow whatever dreams he may have had 

she’s given a knight’s funeral and you are beside Luke the entire time, holding his hand or him leaning against you as you listen to eulogies or even just sitting next to each other because your presence is enough for him. it doesn’t matter what—you’re always connected in some way, and no one says a single thing. 

he needs you, and you need him. it’s as simple as that. and no one dares to correct the princess when she’s icier than they’ve ever seen her.

You put on that front to protect Luke—you don’t want anyone bothering him, and you don’t want him to have to worry about you at a time like this. 

Because you know he would. He always does. 

When Luke gives his speech, barely able to hold back tears, he looks at you the entire time. he doesn’t tell you, but you’re the only reason he’s able to get through the day. 

Luke becomes a ward of the royal family. 

There’s no chance you’re letting him leave, and Luke doesn’t want to go either. The memories of his mother all around are painful, but he takes some small comfort that she’ll live on in Aurelda forever. 

Your parents have no objection to it—he grew up in the palace anyways, and he can practically provide for himself. You wouldn’t have let them say no. 

You’re thankful beyond words that Luke is still here. Because everything feels like a mess, and things are a little more manageable with him by your side. 

Someone tried to kill your father. They killed Luke’s mother instead. Both of you are broken in different ways.

Obviously, this sparks the beginnings of war both in Aurelda and in Luke’s entire being. 

but that’s a topic for another day. 

May’s death changes your relationship. 

She was his mother, obviously, but you were close to her as well. you could never forget every time she ruffled your hair and complimented your sword fighting, or every time she would acknowledge you in the midst of a crowd with a smile and a nod, or every time she would act like a mother and not a knight. 

she had the best hugs in the entire kingdom. 

But her death changes your relationship because Luke changes. 

He’s angrier. His edges have all sharpened, honed by his own spirit. He softens when he’s around you, but to the outside eye he’s impenetrable. He thinks you’re the only one that understands him. 

Others pity him, fear him, are jealous of him. 

You treat him the way you always have. Like your best friend. 

That’s all he needs. 

And so Luke throws himself into his training, vowing to become the youngest kingsguard in Aureldan history to honor his mother’s memory. He wasn’t able to save his mother, and he needs to become strong enough to protect the ones he loves from anything. 

(You don’t know it, but he thinks of you every time he closes his eyes and sees the night his mother died. He’s in the place of his mother and you’re in your father’s position, and Luke knows that he would sacrifice himself for you every single time.) 

So you don’t have as much time for each other anymore. Luke is on his kingsguard mission, and you’re starting to come into your own as the Crown Princess of Aurelda. 

You can’t sneak out of lessons anymore to go talk with Luke, because you’re starting to learn about the nuances of politics. 

Luke can’t let you interrupt his training, because he’s on a warpath and he won’t be stopped before he reaches his goal. 

You can’t neglect your responsibilities because they’re more than just etiquette or history lessons. War is going to come to Aurelda sooner or later, and you’ve got to be ready when it does.

You’re only sixteen, but neither of you are children anymore.  

But you’re still best friends. Nothing can change that—it’s just changed the way you show it. 

You take your morning walks with your mother past the training grounds, and Luke always smiles at you and salutes no matter what. You bow your head in a very refined, princess-y nod, and you continue on. 

Luke makes sure he’s always the one that gets to deliver news to you, even going so far as to make deals with other servants and messengers just to make sure he gets to see you at least once a day. 

Most of the time, you end up seeing each other at night. Just happening to end up in the kitchens at the same time for a midnight snack that results in hours of talking with each other. Bringing Luke to your balcony to look at the stars together. 

Even some midnight training has occurred together, though you always end up a sweaty mess and having to make a bath for yourself because you can’t alert your servants. Luke says he likes you best when you have that vicious glint in your eye while you’re training with him. 

Luke still has horrific dreams, and though he weathered them on his own for a while, one night he finds himself outside your door. When you open it, seeing his haunted eyes and disheveled appearance, you let him in immediately.

It’s not the first time you’ve slept in the same bed after nightmares, and you know it won’t be the last. 

(You spent the whole week together after his mother’s death. Not even your parents could complain when they saw the change in both of you.)  

And Luke does it. He completes his training, having become one of the fiercest and youngest warriors Aurelda has ever seen. Traditionally, knights are older, but an exception was made for Luke—he’s got the Castellan name and a childhood spent with the greatest knights in the kingdom to back him up.

You’re the first person he tells when he finds out, and your scream of pure joy must have echoed throughout the entire castle. You hug him tighter than he’s ever been hugged before, and for just a moment, in your embrace, he feels like you’re both kids again. 

Weeks from his eighteenth birthday, your father knights Luke Castellan in an official ceremony. 

Not just as a member of the kingsguard, though—he is sworn in as a knight, and as your personal bodyguard. 

Your father didn’t tell you beforehand, and you thank a childhood of courtly influence to keep the shock off your face. One hand tightens ever so slightly into a fist, and you let it out just as quickly. 

You can’t see Luke’s expression, kneeling and head turned downward. You would pay all the gold in the kingdom to know what he was thinking. 

“Sir Luke Castellan.” Your father’s voice booms through the hall, and a shiver even goes down your spine. “Do you swear to serve Aurelda as her loyal knight, through war and peace, through riches and debt?”

“I do,” Luke says. 

“Do you swear to protect the Crown Princess of Aurelda—” your father says your entire title, and for the fifth time you wonder how many middle names a princess needs, “—my daughter—with everything you have in you, until your dying breath?” 

Your breathing stills for the slightest moment. 

Luke doesn’t flinch. “I do.” 

The thought of Luke dying for you is unimaginable. It’s something you’d never ask of him—you don’t think you could live in a world without him anyways. You know it’s what knights are expected to do—for king and country, my life for yours—but that’s for any member of the royal family—any member of the court. 

Luke is assigned solely to your protection. 

And he doesn’t even falter when he bonds his life to yours. 

As soon as the ceremony is over and Aurelda has gained three new knights, you’re on your way to Luke. You don’t care if anyone else wants to talk with the princess, you don’t care if your parents need to tell you something—royal propriety be damned, you need to talk to Luke.

He doesn’t look surprised when you march up to him, but there’s already a different air about him. 

Maybe it’s because in these past couple of years he’s absolutely shot up in height, maybe it’s because his insane training regimen has toned every part of him, maybe it’s because he’s done what no one else has done before, or maybe it’s just because he actually accomplished his goal. 

But when he smiles at you, that crooked slant to his lips that always meant mischief when you were younger, it’s enough to make that train of thought immediately shut down. 

“Princess,” he greets. “I think we’re going to be spending a lot more time together, these days.” 

“Yeah,” you say, the warpath you’d intended to be on fading away almost immediately with his words (and that goddamned smile that will certainly be the death of you someday.) “Maybe this is our way to make up on all that lost time.” 

“...I’d like that,” Luke says. 

“Can I hug you?” you ask wryly. “Or is that unbecoming of a brand new knight?” 

“I don’t think anyone will tell the princess she is doing something wrong,” Luke says. 

So you do. You hug him, and he immediately wraps his arms around you, and you hate that you had any doubt that he would. You’ve always felt safe in his embrace even since you were children, and now that he’s four times as strong and much taller, you feel it more than ever. 

He truly does look the part of a perfect knight. You remember the days of wooden sword fights and afternoons by the lake, wondering what your future awaited, but sure you would be together no matter what. 

You feel like you’ve aged a century since then.

“I’m proud of you, you know,” you say as you pull away. “You’re incredible. I mean— you always have been, but this… It’s everything you’ve ever wanted. So I’m proud of you.” 

Luke brushes his curls out of his face with a gauntleted hand, his smile turning a bit more genuine. “It means the world, princess. You are… one of the main reasons that I even made it up here. So I have you to thank.” 

You feel your cheeks heat. “I haven’t done anything.” 

“You’ve been you,” he refutes. “You’ve stood by my side through everything, and you’ve always been there when I need you no matter what. You’ve done everything.” 

You’re thankful for the sheer sleeves of your gown, because now your entire body feels warm. And maybe that’s why you practically blurt the question out, but it’s been burning in your mind since the moment it happened. 

“Did you know?” 

He frowns. “Know what?” 

“That you would become my personal guard,” you said. “You’ve wanted to be a part of the kingsguard since you were a child, and now…” 

“Princess,” Luke says, “I asked your father for the honor.” 

That throws you off. “What?”

“Do you think he would entrust your wellbeing to just anyone?” he asks. “It’s part of the reason I’ve been training so hard—I wanted to prove to him that I was worthy of the position.” 

“Luke—” you start, but he shakes his head.  

“War is coming to Aurelda whether we like it or not,” he says. “All I want is for you to be safe. This way, I can ensure it.” 

“You said you would die for me,” you say. “You vowed it.” 

“That is generally how knighthood works, yes—” 

“Luke,” you interrupt forcefully. “I don’t want you to die for me.” 

“The goal is for nobody to die,” he says wryly. 

You cross your arms. “You know what I mean.” 

“Your safety is my number one concern, princess,” he says. “That’s all you need to know.” 

You stare at him. He stares back. 

You win, because Luke sighs and shakes his head. “We don’t have to worry about that at the moment. Right now, you have to get back to change before you sit in on an advisor’s meeting with the king and queen.” 

You frown. “How do you know?” 

“I’m your guard,” Luke says. “It’s my job to know.” 

“You were just sworn in!” you protest. 

“And I am always prepared,” he remarks. Luke holds his hand out in a gesture towards the door. “After you, princess.” 

You shake your head as you start walking. You hear Luke’s footsteps start soon after, much heavier than yours in full armor as opposed to your ceremonial dress. “You are ridiculous.” 

“Which is also my job,” Luke muses.

and so luke becomes a knight, but not just any knight.

your knight.

good luck handling that crush on him you've harbored since childhood now.

[lukolabrainrot]

What do you think is the story with JD?

It looks like he is Ns bf, but that does not make sense on so many levels.

To say he is there to distract from something else going on e.g. a relationship of LN does not make an awful lot of sense either. Honestly, apart from the fandom nobody would care, especially not in the industry, whether they are together or not. And she could have just gone to NY alone of L and here were not ready to be out yet.

What are your thoughts on JDs role in this saga?

Ok here is where I am at with everything after the last week and a half...

First let me lay out what we got from L/N last week:

L/N obviously agreed to the post with L at her place as she's getting ready with a ring on his ring finger (they are both smart and know the fandom, they knew we would notice). People can argue all they want about those hands... I've stared at L's hands a LOT this year! Those are L's hands in the pic with N getting ready. Period.

N now has her claddagh on the left hand, which signifies marriage or engagement if worn in the traditional manner (which N appears to do with this claddagh). It's not on the ring finger, but has moved to the left hand, which is significant.

There was a video circulating early last week that included a small clip of a voice of a man that MAYYY have been L in the audience while N was presenting at the Glamour Awards.

L shared the October 3rd Polin meme with Xx (indicating he's a lot more online than we think and knows what we are talking about)

Less than 24 hrs later we get the Brb story at the Heathrow Airport with the two sets of carry-on luggage and two cups. L DOES NOT POST STUFF LIKE THIS LATELY. It was a TOTAL change in behavior.

L/N 100% coordinated those travel posts to indicate they're going to NY together on a "vacation" around her award and the BRB was a tease about SOMETHING and it appears to be related to him and N based on the coordinated posts.

Now here are my next points:

L/N have given us a lot of crumbs before, but last week was VERY obvious and intentional... so it made significant implications that something was planned on the NY trip, and we all had expectations that we would see L with N.

But THEN... all we have seen is N with JD (who tbf we've seen her with at various points throughout the summer).

N was BIG MAD about the hand holding video coming out and had her team ON IT with scrubbing and untagging the video.

Douglas is the only other person other than N who has said anything criticizing the fan for sharing the video.

So I will say this...

I'm VERY confused about how JD plays into this story... I don't actually think they are dating because of everything else that has signaled L/N are currently together (ESPECIALLY the rings and the very obvious clues last week). However, the hand holding video is not exactly a great look (and N and her team are normally soooo good at avoiding this stuff). It seems like a rookie mistake from N and her team, which just seems odd to me 🤔

I'm not sure why L/N implied they took this NY trip together (which I think they did and I feel very confident that L is somewhere in NY with N) if L/N WEREN'T planning to be seen together on the trip. The trip might not be done yet, so maybe they have something planned AFTER the Time event, but it's just weird to me 🤔 I have some theories on what might be going on BTS with L/N that might be complicating the situation, but I am going to hold on to those rn. But even with my theories, it doesn't make any sense to me why they don't just go public atp, especially since they have been teasing about it, PARTICULARLY last week 🤔

Lastly, I'm soooooo tired of the teasing! AND it's time for L to BRB now. Come on back Lukey...

So there you go. I don't have ANY idea what their plan was with the coordinated travel stories. I also have NO idea what role JD plays in all this... I don't think they're dating though. And I hope L follows up on his BRB story ASAP, and it's 100% obvious he's with N... we shall see... it's all very confusing tbh 🤷‍♀️

[asilentsongbird]

ever thought about a love triangle between yan childe and yan neuvillette 🫣?????? imagine y/n being married to neuvillette—and tbf i think being married to him would be miserable…considering the circumstances (it’s less a marriage and more like eternal imprisonment), so the thought of betraying neuvillette gives you some semblance of control. it’s just, no one expected you to betray him with the 11th fatui harbinger…

I LOVE this for the simple fact that I think y/n would not understand how peaceful life is with Neuvillette until Childe takes them on.

Neuvillette is old. He's lived hundreds of years and he's insanely powerful and well liked. Sure, marriage to him is like a prison sentence, you're never leaving him, but at least he lets you wander the city and have hobbies. He's patient.

Childe though, Childe knows just enough to put on a prince charming persona and convince you that there's more out there. Sure, more means being his wife and being his pretty little thing, but you already do that with Neuvillette, surely it can't be any more difficult, right?

Childe convinces you to leave with him, to escape late at night when the timing is perfect. A bit of hope rises in you at the thought of being free, but Childe isn't going to take you to Mondstadt, the nation of freedom.

Life with him ends up being nothing like you dreamed it would be. Everything about Childe stays the same, but any agency you had before has vanished into thin air. He doesn't let you out of whatever apartment he's got set up for you on his latest mission. Childe is convinced that all of your thoughts should be about him, him, him.

It's harder to escape Childe than it ever was to leave Neuvillette. You should feel ashamed as you manage to make your way back to Fontaine, though you consider going to Mondstadt to truly gain your freedom.

But at least with Neuvillette, you have protection from a Harbinger. With Neuvillette, if you're found by him you're most likely just going to get a lecture and a light punishment.

With Childe, if he finds you, you're certain that you'll never see the light of day again.

[armagg0n]

a take on Frankenstein for some reason

There's far more nuance to both Victor and the creature than anyone tends to give either character credit for. The creature isn't evil but also not misunderstood, he's a hyper-intelligent child forced to find his own way in a world that time and time again violently rejects him. The fist time he visits a town they stone him on sight. Of course he resents humanity, and Victor's rejection of him is a final straw. He comes to his own naïve conclusions, and having been shown violence time and time again, finds it natural when something detestable comes before him. So when he finds a child baring his neglectful fathers name, the rage he feels compels him to murder.

That is objectively wrong yes, but you cannot expect anything less from the child who has only been taught hatred and violence.

The creature is like a dog that has been taught to bite without warning because it's never had any other choice. That makes it understandable, tragic but not entirely justified.

equally Victor isn't evil either, people get on his back for not speaking up during Justine's trail (tbf what was he supposed to say? "my big magic monster is the true culprit, no I have no proof of that or even that he exists, just trust me bro") (we even see how poorly that goes when he tells the Sherriff later on in the book), but I attribute that to the fact that Victor was an extremely haunted and prideful person who believed it was up to him to solve his mess (it kinda is but not he way he tries to) because "surely nobody else could!" He's also fairly stupid. Scientifically he's a genius, obviously. But he also makes almost every wrong decision possible and rarely considers the consequences of his actions (He also believes the creature is planning to kill him when it's so unbelievably obvious that he intends to kill Elizabeth). He decides to try and deal with the problem he's caused on his own, but fails so many times that he eventually dies and the creature solves the issue of his existence himself. Victor was more of a deadbeat, a narcissist and a moron than a villain.

Because Frankenstein is not a story with true villains, just bad people

[entering--hyperspace]

Gw2 Oc

Leonard Echowatcher is a Charr who grew disillusioned with the militaritic setting he was born in after being raised within Ascalon. The countless lives lost in a struggle against immortal enemies, and the physical reminder of how those in power doom many to restless deaths inspired him to study Necromancy, so that he may ease troubled spirits and urge them into the next cycle of life.

Leo knows change only comes to those with the strength to turn it's wheel, thus does he work within the system, becoming the change he so desperately wants for his people. Doing so, however, has put him on a path following the Commander, and getting swept up in the constant whirlwind of dangers threatening Tyria...

Extra Info:

Leo's entire character can be easily parsed when you know about how exactly he views Ascalon, which is where he primarily grew up.

I couldn't not make a charr, which is a highly militaritic culture, who is so reluctant to engage in "giving however many lives for victory" without acknowledging that a physical scar of how war is extremely corrupt and punishes all, is literally a charr starting area. Like Ik it might seem as me trying to make a completely contrasting charr (which tbf am) but i Swear it makes sense and is warranted...its all very facinating to me.

Ascalon is a living reminder that those in power fighting wars with grander meaning are all lost upon the common soldier. A king denied the grace of death in his blind rage and doomed his people to eternal hatred. Never evolving never given the chance to start anew.

It's a horrifying spit on the natural cycle of life, this is how Leo views it, it was his main drive to become a necromancer believing that if he understood the connection between life, death, the mists, he could greater understand how to possibly rid the foefire curse other than the obvious. Actually this little paragraph from my ship thinkpiece words it pretty well:

"Leo, on the other hand, was a coiled snake ready to strike. He had ambitions of his own, he grew tired of constant death, reckless fighting. Spirits lamented over lost opportunity, of being playthings in wars fought by higher powers. He grew up in a land that was a physical cautionary tell of how single individuals could ruin the very souls and doom entire nations. Souls that cant rest, souls that cant return. It was Ascalon that inspired him to become a necromancer, to commune with spirits, to treat the dead with reverance, and thus respecting life before its final march. It did outcast him from his warband, save for a single individual."

This leads into his reluctance to "Fall in line" blindly following the teachings of the charr taught to him in the farhar. He does so out of necessity, not out of any love or faith in such beliefs. Whenever possible he takes the harder road, doing things his way, less casualties, respect for life itself. Death is the natural end of all life, but what he hates is needless death, war is a terrible scar left on the soul itself.

So, he bites his tongue, he observes, he trains. What do higher ranked officers like to hear, how do you cheat lines and cut corners. The intracacies of charr politics of blood, skill, and carefully placed words. He would not Kill for it, not in the way he was expected to. He required the patience of a saint to see this all through in a way that stayed true to his beliefs. The personal story of his warband unraveling after they die fighting in Ascalon, his legionnaire granting him the favor of fighting against him in an arena to prove his worth all provide just the right amount of forward momentum he needed, as well as a reminder why he wants this change so badly in the first place.

It makes sense why he tends to keep to his own, why he is so defiant and stubborn. I review him as a reluctant "hero" that cannot escape the path he was put on. He has to be change because nobody else will do it if not him, he cannot leave his duties behind, even if he wants to. He makes personal sacrifices for this all the time. Above all of this, he is kind in a gentle, quiet way. In the same way a cave providing shelter from a storm is gentle. He is grounded, stabilized by his ideals with the patience needed to continue to weather any opposition, after all its his empathy, his bleeding heart for those he should have considered mindless ghosts the reason hes even here in the first place....

Anywho this is just some quick insight into who he is. Obviously he goes through changes from personal story into end of dragons but im very slowly working through that so im not putting any of it here in case I change things...I like this guy a lot

[honeyandthunderstorms]

Fic Writer Interview! 💗

tagged by: @beensinning (this was so fun!! thanks for the tag, sinn <333)

How many works do you have on AO3?

altogether, I have 33 works… but 21 of them are actually available on my ao3 page, whereas my 12 F1 fics are on anon 😅

What's your total AO3 word count?

351,826 — more than I expected, but also less than what I was expecting out of 33 works. tbf I write more one-shots than I do actual long fics

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

closer I get, can you resist? (1,857)

[redacted] (1,206)

[redacted] (1,100)

darlin’, I will give up everything (828)

[redacted] (819)

redacted fics are for my old fandom (icemav, if you will)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I reallllllly try to. if I don't respond right away, I usually do it sooner or later. on long fics, I tend to reply if I get them instantly when I update or I try to respond right before I upload a new chapter. I super love reading comments and interacting with them because a lot of great ideas form in the comments and a lot of my willpower to write comes from praise lmao. so I figure why not get back to the people taking their time to let me know I've done a good job?

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

okayyyyy, the angstiest ending I've ever written is between can you see right through me? or from my 2020-2021 fandom (the magicians) — hard choice fr but my Daniel/Charles (endgame lestappen) is pretty damn angsty

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

another old fandom fic (top gun). it ended in a marriage proposal (I let @beensinning read this one hehe)

Do you write crossovers?

I'm with @beensinning. do AUs count? bc my bridgerton fic is basically a fusion, but also not? or does it only count as a crossover when other people in the fandom appear? if I'm talking nonsense, just ignore me lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

yesssssss. i once had someone comment and say I had several spelling mistakes — come to find out its bc I was using the American-spelling of English words (I am American oops), but when I asked what spelling errors I had, they came back and corrected my grammar bc they were wrong about my spelling so they had to find something else wrong 😭

also in a lestappen fic (I can take the upper hand and touch your body), I was just playing with a different narrative basically (bc it's fanfic… reminder. FICTION. a place where you can change the narrative to fit your story) & someone started hating on Max in my comments bc I made Charles the “bad guy”. I didn't. I just made him emotional bc of the Spain GP weekend. aka clipping lando, the reprimand, max and Lando gossiping in front of cameras. I just changed the narrative to fit where Charles’ mind was at. instead of the slight collision between Lando and Charles being an accident, I made it where it was hinted he just saw red and then yea. anywayssss, I do not condone hating one or the other. end of story. how do you find enjoyment reading a ship when you hate one of them??? I don't get it.

also I'm pretty sure this comment didn't mean any harm, but in my bridgerton fic (darlin’, I will give up everything) where omegas wear dresses bc I'm playing with the inherrant sexism in women and omegas while also aiding in my feminization kink, someone asked why I couldn't just put Charles in his baggy jeans… lol anyway, it made me mad so I'm counting it.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

oh boy, do I ever. I will write just about any kind of smut unless I don't find a certain kink enjoyable, but I also don't yuck other people’s yums 🤷🏼‍♀️ my fav smut is def breeding kink and feminization kink if y'all couldn't tell though 😌

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of? I think I would actually have an anxiety attack over that if it happened though lol

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have had someone ask, but I do not think they ever went through with it? I never got a message/comment back or a ‘inspired by’ notif on ao3 so I just assumed it never happened

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but I love bouncing ideas off of other people. usually, if someone has really inspired me, I always gift them the fic on ao3 because it's my present to them to bring alive some of their ideas 🥹

What's your all-time favourite ship?

my otp is icemav (missing my old fandom heavy lately), BUT lestappen are becoming my will tomkive so there's that. which is sooooo funny to me bc I came into this fandom liking piarles more… which I still love them, but lestappen have taken over my brainrot

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

its a longfic for my old fandom and I severely hate that I never finished it bc so many people loved it… I got burnt out so bad and had to take a step back. I just don't know if I will ever come back to it, but I would love to finish it if I ever get the urge to. maybe one day 😔

What are your writing strengths?

I answered this recently in an ask, I think? it was character building and how they interact with other characters. I feel I’m really good at showing how people react to others and conveying their moods.

What are your writing weaknesses?

commas. I suck at knowing where commas go 😭 this is why I tag ‘grammarly is my best friend’ in fics bc it IS. it is so dear to me.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'm a native English speaker so I can't speak for people who speak other languages, but I don't mind reading it. on the other hand, I do write it, but I try not to write full conversations and instead just add a word here or there 😭 I know some French because I took it for 2 years but a lot of it is rapidly fading from my mind so I know next to nothing atp. forgive me everyone if I'm butchering things in my fics 😔

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

one direction back in 2012 (I was 12) 😎 I was writing one direction x OFC LMAO

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

oh god um??? I guess I'd like to write a sebchal or choscar fic one of these days 👀

What's your favourite fic you've written?

hands down, closer I get, can you resist? I love it sm. I've put sm of my soul into that fic that it feels like my child. it was the first fic I've written in a while where I'm just going with the flow and having fun

no-pressure tags <33 : @sediciii @formulaocean @mothlau @usedtobetam @carbonmono

[consolecadet]

big complaining. please do not give me advice on any of this unless 1) we already talk AND 2) you get my consent first

Virtually everything for me right now is in some state of "it is terrible rn but I just need to hold on for a few more weeks/months" and it just. I don't have a lot of grip strength with which to hold on rn.

My tennis elbow hurts more since I started OT, or perhaps I am just more aware of it. Either way it's really bothering me and making me sad

I recently developed eczema or something like that, because of course I did, and the second I stopped steroid cream it came back just as itchy and weepy, despite aggressive moisturizing. I cannot see a dermatologist until November but I have vague hope in the form of a different steroid cream I may try in one week

The three-day low-residue diet my dietician had me try backfired horribly after I stopped it and now I'm even more scared to eat, like, beans and/or onions

I have been having trouble accessing medical supplies that I can technically get by without but really shouldn't. Dealing with it requires making tons of phone calls and/or driving to a bunch of different pharmacies, something I have no time or energy to do rn

I'm in a BMW situation and cannot resume trying to sell it until it is resolved, though it's not a big deal because I am borrowing my sister's car and will buy it from her once I have sold the BMW

Reviewing KC's edits to Latent Defects is tiring and emotionally challenging (though I'm way less upset and dramatic about it than I thought it would be)

I keep spiraling about things like the election, genocide, and the climate

Covid cases have once again risen in my area and I am nervous about that because I've socialized a lot IRL recently and don't know if I was careful enough

I agreed to do an art project with a friend that I think will be really cool, but am worried will hurt my forearm too much and/or cause extra stress which I have little capacity for rn

I am having trouble keeping in touch with friends bc the first thing to go when I get stressed is The Ability to Message People. I also have a newish local friend who messages me a lot more than I am used to and I'm worried I'm making him feel sad and uncared for bc I am so slow to respond and don't message him first very often

KC's summer break is about to end, which means I am about to start having to get up earlier, which realistically means I am going to lose a lot of sleep while I once again struggle to adjust. Also means I'm gonna spend a lot more time driving again

The project I am managing is a MESS, we pushed the launch back, and I feel like it's my fault for 1) not knowing how to manage a project, 2) not asking for nearly enough help, and 3) being kind of mentally absent due to being itchy, in pain, and very cranky for basically the whole project. Though tbf multiple of my coworkers have been sick for chunks of it and also not able to pitch in as much as we expected. Also once we launch, then I have to help manage an online community, which, yikes

I would like a raise to offset the gigantic medical bills I seem to get stuck with every year, but I also fucked up something else at work recently, the one account I managed fired us, and worse yet I absolutely know that the company I work for is barely scraping by and cannot afford to give me a raise regardless of whether my boss wants to. I should probably look for another job but 1) I like these people 2) I have no energy or time rn and 3) much fewer companies are fully remote these days and I cannot physically handle commuting and working in an office

yeah

[rogerbarel]

tell me more about nora (pls)

I will try to provide a reasonable amount of information! 🫡 I don't actually know what constitutes "reasonable," though, so this will probably be an infodump.

Also thank you for being the reason I finally finished her damn portrait. Idk how shading hair works and I'm not finding out today.

This is Miss Lenore "Nora" Langley, and she's a proud problem.

Nora is 22, 5', and has been a robin for the entirety of the two years she's lived in London.

She's the youngest of four children. Both of her elder sisters married before 24, but no one expects Nora to snag a man anytime soon. They historically find her offputting and aggressive.

Her parents named her after Edgar Allen Poe's Lenore just 'cause they thought the name was pretty, but she hates it. She'd never want to be a helpless, pitiable, dead type of beautiful. If you push the subject, she'll say she doesn't think she can be that sort of beautiful that makes people want to rescue or mourn her. She doesn't have the face or the temperament for it.

She has a complex about being seen as "fragile" from years of people having very strong reactions--from fear to contempt to anger--to her tendency to cry easily at any strong emotion. Even when she can't help but cry, she tries to keep herself in motion because she's afraid of being helpless. She manages to keep it on the down low during her first few days with Crown since she thinks crying is antithetical to her survival here, but she cracks once during a brief hostage incident (Roger's secret event story) and then kinda loses it for an evening after a brush with Alfons's power. Oops, cat's outta the bag!

Nora is happy to be helpful to people who are kind to her and others (she's got soft spots for Liam and Ellis and spends a lot of time with them), and she puts a lot of effort into getting to know interesting people on her work routes, but she's also vindictive and selfish and doesn't care much about being a bad person herself. She's also kind of just a tsundere who can be friendly with most people who aren't Roger or Alfons.

And tbf she's still....... friendly..... -ish with Roger. He makes her mad as hell with his incessant teasing (and she KNOWS he's deliberately trying to make her mad/compete with him BUT SHE CAN'T STOP), but she also thinks he's funny, opts to spend the most time with him, and notices him looking out for her in his weird, "I'm totally just doing this for my own benefit" way. Every time he calls her his dog, she insists that he's the perverted, untrained mutt who can't keep his paws to himself. Unfortunately, she's also laughing while she tries to smack him with his research folders. In other words... she's down bad. Down abysmal. Will NOT admit it until he admits that love is REAL and she was RIGHT and NOT ONLY THAT, but he's ALSO IN LOVE AND OBSESSED WITH HER AND WORSHIPS HER BECAUSE SHE'S THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO HIS LIFE AND SHE'S A PURE MAIDEN WHO DESERVES NOTHING LESS. And also because she can't bear the thought of Roger only playing with her for "fun" when she's just miserably, miserably in love.

Uhhhhh other notes:

- (cw for attempted assault in this paragraph) Has a scar between her breasts from an Incident during her early time as a robin. As of the beginning of the game, only the doctor who treated her knows. Through a stroke of luck, she managed to leave the attacker in worse condition.

- Finds the idea of fate boring at best, infuriating at worst.

- Collects interesting acquaintances on her work routes like they're Pokémon. Sometimes loses track of time yappin'. Would love to go to one of Will's Mad Tea Parties.

- Probably delivered mail to Oscar Wilde once. Probably thinks he's a prick. Would be mad to find out his writing is actually good.

- She developed resting smug bitch face specifically to rid herself of resting about-to-cry face.

- Her associated animal is the Luzon Bleeding Heart dove! That's why she has her scar and her red ribbon.

- Roger often compares the default MC to a corgi, but Nora is more like an angry pomeranian.

- Virgin. Thinking about finding God again because every day this shameless whore tempts her, but she CANNOT admit she wants it and thus lose to him.

- Her sanpaku is very important!! It's her charm point imo! I specifically made her the opposite of what I imagined a "cute, endearing crier" to be because I thought that made Roger getting horny about it funnier.

- Has a scowl that can rival Jude's.

... That wasn't a reasonable amount at all. Sighs. I knew it would be like this. I'm so sorry. I just love her. So much. 😭

[gayleviticus]

there's a song we sing at church sometimes called 'come all ye unfaithful' and i kind of hate it, not cus of anything in the song itself, which is fine (though not musically my taste) but it just kinda feels ironic against this christian culture of like. 'we're all broken and nobody's perfect and we should be open about that, but also the ways in which you express that imperfection is very restricted.'

like. idk. it feels like just another way of co-opting the discourse a lot. it's OK to not be OK, but only in very specific and prescribed contexts, and we have to make sure you extract some kind of theologised Gospel message from it in the end.

people can't just be struggling, it has to be like, 'oh this struggling is an opportunity for you to realise that you don't have to be perfect for God's grace is sufficient.' it's not that i don't think theology and faith can speak to these times, but it feels like an approach that is always trying to load more onto people. it rejects the easy answers of ignoring people's brokenness only to immediately invent new easy answers like 'we're all sinners' 'God's grace is enough'. idk. hard to put into words.

the psalms in general feel like they have an honesty this church culture often doesnt, but i particularly like psalm 89, because it starts as any other psalm praising God for his goodness, power, his covenant with David. "His line shall continue forever, and his throne endure before me like the sun. It shall be established forever like the moon, an enduring witness in the skies."

and then suddenly - it shifts: "But now you have spurned and rejected him; you are full of wrath against your anointed." It's almost like the psalmist's set a trap for God - buttering him up with all the usual praise and flattery and then turning the tables. If you made this promise, LORD, why have you betrayed us? Why have you abandoned us?

But at the same time, this very thing shows a depth of faith. If the psalmist had truly lost their faith in God, why appeal to his promises? Why appeal to the sense of goodness, or justice, or integrity of someone you think is fundamentally wicked - or non-existent? It's the psalmist's faith in God's love that pushes them to call God out for this seeming betrayal.

Other psalms (and the Prophets) often blame this betrayal on the sinfulness of Israel, and there's certainly a place for that. But Psalm 89 doesn't - and I think it's important not to read it through that lens. The Psalms give us language for our relationship with God, and it models for us how to feel broken and angry with God.

The psalmist here is still reverent - being angry with someone you love does not justify abuse - but they don't hold back in their criticism. "You have renounced the covenant with your servant; you have defiled his crown in the dust."

Anyway. Idk. that's a bit of a digression, but i think in some ways it would be less frustrating if churches dropped the whole pretence of 'yes, we love being open and honest about our brokenness' if really there are still very specific socially-acceptable ways of expressing that brokenness. (and tbf, part of this may be itself an expectation that people should be open about it with everyone - I think there are ways to process and express struggles openly in a community of trust, but said community of trust will not always be your church or pastor or small group ig)

[just-finished-watching]

Dangal

Finished Watching: 4/1/2024

Genre: Action, Biography, Drama, Sports

Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟/5 (4/5, a little biased tbf)

Expectations: I didn't have any expectations going in. Why? Because I've already watched the film before. It's been a while, but I watched it back when it came out in theaters in 2016. However, it's been a while since I watched it, so my memory of the movie was a bit fuzzy, and this rewatch fixed that. I noticed many more details that I previously didn't and I think I got out of my watching slump, which is always a plus.

Not a Favorite

Summary: Mavir Singh Phogat is an ex-national wrestling champion who had to long give up on his dream of winning a gold medal for his country as his family could not afford it. He dreams that his son will win one instead, but he has four daughters back to back. As they grow up, he slowly distances himself from wrestling, but when his two oldest daughters, Geeta & Babita, start showing promise, he trains them, much to their dismay.

Thoughts (*SPOILERS*):

Like I said, I've watched this film before, but OH MY GOD!!! I love Bollywood so much and this film reminds me why. Obviously, this isn't stereotypical Bollywood with lots of romance and drama. However, the tension in many of the scenes had me sitting on the edge of my seat. And of course, I was vibing to the music. Did I think it was too often? Probably for somebody who is not used to films with music. But these are the types of movies I grew up with so I was enjoying it to the max.

Did I love the characters? (Should I even call them characters?) Yes! Were they also a tad bit dramatic? Even more so. The villain in the second half of the film, the training coach, was almost comically villainous. I actually almost laughed when he locked the father in the closet because Geeta was listening to him. Like??? He still sucked at coaching, the fact he still has a job is crazyyy even in the film's world.

Now I am not a huge wrestling fan. The closest you will see me watch wrestling is from all the fighting webcomics I read. So I can't really confirm how accurately the movie portrays wrestling. However, I can attest to how it stays exciting. It makes me want to watch more wrestling matches (I won't, but it made me want to!).

Would I recommend this to anybody? Abso-fucking-lutely. Anybody who wants to try a Bollywood film out, but doesn't really get excited by the idea of a classic rom-com and wants something a little more wholesome? Try this one, I beg. Aamir Khan really did eat this film up, and I actually don't expect anything less from the man. In fact, try more Aamir Khan films if you want to watch Bollywood. They always get me.

[forkaround]

BL Awards: Catch Me Sobbing Category

Sad things are just as important as the not-sad things and thus...

Scene that has me sobbing for whatever reason.

(BL Awards: At the end of an amazing year of absolute chaos in the world of BL. I come to you with my favorite moments of the year divided into categories that would not make it into any respectable Award show. But this is Tumblr. You know what you signed up for.)

Parpai reading from Sky's journal (Love in the Air)

I don't want to discuss the ethics of this and mileage varies for every other person. But this had me sobbing to the point my mother yelled at me for crying over fictional characters. It's how both of them are hurting. It's about Sky not wanting to open up. It's about Pai being confused and hanging over Sky's words. Pai doesn't know what happened, to Sky in the past and to Sky now and he can't accept that Sky would say all those things. Fort and Peat were acting. Truly in their Oscars bag. I remember holding my breath as if I was underwater throughout this scene. Uff.

Sky not crying and Pai crying in his stead (Love in the Air)

(I can't find a gif for the specific line.)

Who knew that not crying was worse than crying? This scene knocked me off the face of the earth. They are both reeling and the emotional intelligence Prapai shows here, god, another writer, another actor could have made this so much worse than it was. But in Mame and FortPeat's hands this was beautiful. It's gentle, it's mature, it's taking care of Sky before Pai can go around smacking people/taking revenge. But that was not the goal of this story. Revenge tel lene gaya. (revenge goes to buy oil. kinda like revenge go to hell.) This is about grace, this is about healing. I have never seen a narrative like this dealt with such gentleness and keeping the characters 'not-broken'. idk how to explain this. Gun gets everything that is coming to him but in this moment it's not about him. It's about SKY.

GAP: Mon being confused by Sam and crying

Something less intense. I feel for both our girlies. Sam is constantly going hot and cold and that is so taxing for everyone around her especially Mon, who has loved her since she was a kid. tbf Sam doesn't know this. And Sam is herself so tragic. Never expressing who she is and what she wants leaving for those around her to interpret her intentions. As much as I feel for her though, I can't see her as a decent boss.

Triage: Tin goes into a coma and Tol is reading to him

I did not expect this to hurt me as much as it did. I can't quantify even now why I love this show so much. But after the POV switch something about this show just fit. I was going to be so mad if they ended up unhappy. I was barely starting to get comfortable with BLs and their happy endings. And then this hit. It didn't end unhappy but I sure thought it would. (Also the clock tower kiss is just something else)

The Eclipse: Every AkkAyan scene towards the end

There are so many gifs/scenes where this boy is crying. First must have had quite the month crying over and over each episode. He is so stuck in his circumstances, in his own head about what's right and wrong. Brittle things. And you see that with how he is caught in between Chadok and Ayan.

ChadokDika story

Dika didn't deserve it. That's it. (tbf Chadok didn't deserve it either.)

(There's many different ways to kill the one you love / slowest way is never loving them enough)

180 Degrees Longitude Passes Between Us

Literally everyone is hurting on this show and hurting everyone else. And it all just HURTS. I can't fully put a bad guy/good guy label on any of them. It's so complexly human. So simply human. So beautifully human and so pathetically human. Seeing my own family in this show didn't help. Mol can't move on from her past. Inn can't see the future. Waan can't live in the present. Them always being on a different wavelength keeps hurting and I think some part of them recognizes this. The ending doesn't help. It's realistic. It's hard. And it hurts. This show is just:

The surety that no matter how much it hurts it would end happy help enjoy the angst so much better. I didn't have to worry someone might end up dead or they might not end up together. (there are exceptions to this, as you can see)

[transhawks]

Crying, sobbing, shaking like I flipped my shit when Hawks was all "Lmao yeah, they just let me go after like a day- and now I'm running around gathering intel like I totally didn't just almost die or anything" when people less injured than him weren't discharged yet. I thought Hori was just shrugging everything off to get on with the plot and use Hawks as narrator but no....it's because he's fuckign BATS im telling ya the guy woke up in a hospital bed like a man possessed and in his delirious high as fuck off morphine state, got seized by his workaholic perfectionism and paranoia and manhandled Jeanist into bringing him back to Gunga, like he CAN'T BREATHE ON HIS OWN, can't speak for shit. He passes out so frequently in Jeanist's car that Jeans thinks he died because where Hawks should be rn is on a ventilator, but because his screws are loose, he's on his hands and knees scrubbing at Twice's blood and hauling his dead body around and Jeanist is probs thinking "wtf Hawks those burns are still fresh, don't put your whole back into scrubbing." OP, you say nothing will surprise you but I sure do hope Hori somehow manages to shock you anyways, because I BET your reaction to that would be top tier comedy, I'm gonna be here like Dabi going LOL XD at your expressions like he does for Endy. I already AM. THANK YOU. And tbf, none of us expected how crazy Hawks would turn out to be when we first got introduced to him. Idk if any of this was on Hori's to do list...Hawks looked like such a simple guy, his story existed because Hori wanted to show the "other side" as "a little bit bad" we have interview evidence from 2018, the whole Nagant plotline didn't exist back then, ig he could've changed some things to make him more unhinged. I'm looking forward to that quiz update! also RE: your friend making jokes about Hawks having Twice's body and great now you've got me thinking about yandere Hawks putting Twice in a cryogenic chamber to preserve his body, why let the earth reclaim such a good man, it's his form of kindness for killing him, and also maximum security so nobody can steal him back. Can't risk grave robbers y'know? Where tf IS his body, freaking hell Hawks now I'm questioning you more than I was before! There goes the entire "burial with flowers and regret" scenario, screw you pigeon. He's making ME insane, but somehow he's still my favorite character, top 3 with Bakugou and Dabi.

i barely have anything to say im gonna go lose my mind to hawk cryogenically freezing Jin

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

I love how well thought out your posts are about SW so I wanted to ask for your thoughts about Ashoka's assignment to Anakin. I'm not sure if it is canon or fanon that Obi-Wan requested Ashoka for his next Padawan but Yoda interfered and assigned her to Anakin instead, but something always bothered me about that. I'm not actually sure what bothers me because I recognize that the Skywalker-Tano duo worked well together. Maybe it is how Yoda blindsided both Jedi who were currently in an active warzone but that could have easily been solved with a quick holocall. Idk, what are your thoughts on the situation? Sorry if you have already addressed this.

Thank you <3

Hmm. I haven't put a lot of thought into it I must admit- my first instinct here is to go out-of-universe and say that quite possibly Ahsoka was Anakin's padawan because that made for a more interesting story. A lot of tcw operates on a principle of putting the fave into a situation, and springing a padawan on Anakin was certainly putting him in a situation. And her. Not that her being Obi Wan's padawan wouldn't have generated an interesting dynamic too but.......... I can see the appeal. And the springing it on them too- I should think about it from an in-universe but again, my first thought is just.... well it was funny. And tbf Yoda does have a sense of humor.

I can see how it's objectively sort of shitty to get a surprise 14 year old in the middle of warzone, but then there's the whole kid media angle.

On a less meta level.... it's interesting to know that padawan's can be assigned, under certain circumstances. It doesn't seem ideal, but idk. But I am sort of assuming that when a knight takes their vows teaching is one of the duties they are willingly taking on. If so while he might have expected a longer gap and may not have been entirely ready, this would have been something he expected to do at some point, not a responsibility foisted upon him completely unwillingly. And.... they did get a choice, in the movie. There was an opportunity to back out, and they both chose not to take it.

I seem to remember Obi Wan's role being ambiguous? Obi Wan said he wanted a padawan to Anakin and said he was expecting one, and certainly acted surprised when she claimed to be there for Anakin, but he was also teasing Anakin about getting one a minute ago and by the end of it Anakin was voicing suspicions that this was a scheme Obi Wan was in on. Which is neither confirmed nor denied. That's what I remember, anyway. So, not quite canon, not quite fanon?

(one of my points of speculation is that whatever his feelings his responsibilities were a little too much during the war for an apprentice, while Anakin's lower rank allowed him a little more time and attention. Do we see any of the council members with padawans during the war? I don't think we do)

I think I did at one point make a post speculating about why Anakin might have been chosen for her and I'm gonna find it again :D

[cumulohimbus]

Life Updates

This last weekend I went to a Pride fest a little over an hour away, and wild things ensued.

1. I ran into some friends I met at my local pride this last summer, and even though it took a second for us to recognize each other, it was phenomenal to see them. I ended up staying the night at their place (I'll get to why in a sec).

2. I ran into people I went to Catholic elementary/middle school with. They were running an art booth. It was cool to reconnect with people I'd shared a formative childhood experience with and not be the only one who ended up queer.

3. I ran into my now retired therapist, the one who helped me pursue an autism eval and who wrote the pivotal letter that allowed me to get top surgery. I gave him a hug. I'd only ever interacted with him virtually and he is much taller in person. He seems like he's happy and doing well.

4. I didn't see any furries about so I took it upon myself to don my mascot head, just to gauge the reaction. A lot of people came up to me and got pictures with me, including a mom and her kid who really loves furries. I don't even consider myself a furry; like, I don't participate in the community at all anymore. I just think my fursuit head turned out vvv cute, and I didn't spend around 2 years making it from scratch for it to just collect dust in a closet somewhere. It made me really happy that other people also thought it was cute. It was nice being Spark for a while.

5. I went to a drag show with my friends from the local Pride. We were in the front row. It was so cool to see professionals performing.

6. My friends and I went to an after party at a club. I'd never been to a club before and didn't know what to expect. It wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be until the end when the establishment closed and the cops were outside directing folks. While there I ran into someone I was in the Arts Magnet Program with in high school; they were there for their sister-in-law. They told me that whenever I'm ready, other former classmates would probably like to hear from me, and that they'd probably be more accepting of me than I realize.

I didn't achieve my goal of being kissed, but that's okay. I fell in love with my friends in more ways than I care to admit. Nothing more will come of it than friendship, and that's okay too. That's what I needed tbh. I realized the full extent of my loneliness and how badly I need friends right now. I didn't know how bad it was and now that I do, hopefully I can do something about it. I cried a lot, probably because I was more drunk than I've been in years. My friends let me stay at their apartment so I didn't have to sleep in my car.

7. The next day we went to a garden and saw lots of pretty plants and fountains, including the biggest, bluest Larkspurs I've ever seen in person before!!

8. I cried for approximately half of my drive back home. I probably should have pulled over, but I was running on less than an hour of sleep, and I had grad school homework I needed to finish before midnight, so I pushed through. I realized goodbyes have been getting harder. A couple of weekends ago when I visited college friends for the weekend, I cried for a long time on my drive home then too. It seems it didn't take long of being off T for my tear ducts to function again. Something else is wrong with me though, I shouldn't be crying so much over goodbyes; I have my suspicions. I'm sure a particular goodbye that happened more recently isn't helping, but mostly I think I just feel alienated from people like me where I live currently.

I need to get a new vehicle soon so I can travel more. I want to go on dates, both casual and serious, in the near future. I want to kiss and be kissed, if just to feel like I'm alive. I wish I wasn't a terrified kid in a 25 year old's body. I feel like I can't be taken seriously when it comes to romance because of the ways my trauma has broken me into the person I am today (tbf, being transmasc means I look like a 14 year old boy, so that doesn't help the whole maturity thing either).

I'm coming to terms with how much grief I carry with me everyday. I think that's the most alienating part of it all; I think that's where all the loneliness comes from.

Sadness aside, I really like grad school so far. It doesn't feel hard yet because it's all stuff that interests me. I also got a really nice scholarship package for my first year and that's pretty cool. I'll finally feel alright ordering the print copies of my book, Fidelity to share with friends/family. The sequel, Autonomy, is currently in the works. They're both basically zines that ended up being lengthier than initially intended, and they include a mix of poetry, prose, and photography. I know I don't really have a following here, but if it just so happens that you read all the way to this sentence, if you'd like a free pdf of Fidelity, hmu, I'd be happy to send one your way.

Be kind to yourselves, and stay curious,

-Lark