#not that I'll fall victim to that I just thought that's how this can start for others

[darkdragon768]

I need to draw Wolf Link again. I fucking love this feral beast.

[thegoogoomuckkk]

calling all the monsters pt. 1 -> your man is a downright monster & he isn't afraid to prove it -> choso kamo, kento nanami, satoru gojo +suguru geto

“are you s-sure?” choso gulps. his eyes are laser beams, focused on the beating pulse of your neck, the vein so prominently poking out, begging for his attention. somehow, he pulls his eyes away for long enough to meet yours, questioning, pleading. 

you bring your finger to his lip, pull it down ‘til the tip is sliding across his fang. “don’t you want to, cho?” of course, he does, damn it. but you don’t quite understand how much this is affecting him, how much it’ll affect you. he makes it a rule not to drink from humans: they’re so fragile, so breakable. you’re like a glass sculpture & he wants to both admire you & protect you. if he starts now, he’s not sure he’ll be able to stop. 

“I’m just—I just want this, want it really bad,” he exhales, voice shaky, eyes fluttering from your eyes to your neck, to your eyes again, “I’m sc-scared I'll hurt you.” 

you hum & nod, like you've already considered this possibility, & somehow you still want it. maybe you want it because of said possibility. 

“please,” you murmur, & his movement is instantaneous. it’s quite painful at first, the skin breaking slowly as he sinks his teeth into you, but the pain is replaced by something else. . .something warm & fuzzy & perfect. & it’s just too much, for both of you; he’s so lost already, mind empty of any thoughts other than need, need, need. he’s not even sure what it is exactly that he needs. you, of course. & you’re victim to the pleasure, too, falling almost limp in his nearly crushing hold, allowing him to roll your hips against his in a vacuous action, he’s not even conscious of his grip on your waist. 

your head lolls back, exposing more of your neck to him. the sensation is overwhelming, a heady mix of pain & pleasure that clouds your mind. you can feel the pull of each swallow, the way his throat works against your skin as he drinks deeply.

his fingers dig into your hips, surely leaving bruises, but you can't bring yourself to care. all you can focus on is the building pressure, the tingling warmth spreading through your limbs. you're dizzy, lightheaded, but it feels so good you never want it to stop.

cho makes a low, animalistic sound against your throat. his hips buck up involuntarily, seeking friction. you whimper in response, grinding down to meet him. the dual sensations of his mouth on your neck & the delicious pressure between your legs is driving you mad.

you’re sure you’ve had some sense in your life, but choso is slowly sucking that out of you, & really, you’re fine with that. 

kento nanami is picture perfect: reserved, attractive, & endlessly respectful. you’ve come to expect nothing less of the man. so the state of him, sweat pooling across his forehead & scalp, hands gripping the sheets next to your hand—nails shredding them so beautifully—the animalistic gleam in his eye as he’s bullying his fat cock into you is. . .unexpected, to say the least. you knew, albeit vaguely, that nanami was a werewolf, but it wasn’t something he talked about, obviously not something he was proud of; he was especially sure to keep you in the dark about that aspect of his life. you were so innocent, so small, he could just break you. & break you he does. 

“sorry, m’so, so sorry, can’t stop it, you just—god, you smell so good,” & maybe a more coherent part of your brain would find it odd that he keeps inhaling the side of your neck, but all coherency is lost as he hugs your chest to his, all but humping you into the mattress. 

your breath hitches as nanami's teeth graze your neck, a low growl rumbling in his chest. his hips snap forward relentlessly, driving deeper with each thrust. you're overwhelmed by the raw intensity, so different from his usual composed demeanor.

“just gonna fuck you full—please, take it, take my knot,” & you’re nodding, but that’s not enough for him, he needs you to say it. 

“wan’ you to cum in me, please,” & you’re clawing your pretty nails down his back as he hikes your legs up over his shoulders, hitting you way too deep. “cum inside, please.” he’s sure one of these days, you’ll be the death of him. until then, he can do nothing but fulfill your requests. 

something wild flashes in his eyes at your words. his movements grow more frantic, more primal. you feel the shift in him, muscles rippling beneath his skin as the wolf inside threatens to break free. nanami buries his face in your neck, panting heavily. 

“kento," you gasp, barely able to form words. “I need it.” a growl rumbles deep in his chest, vibrating against your skin. his teeth graze your neck, not quite biting but a clear threat—or promise. the dual nature of man & beast wars within him, & in this moment, the animal is winning.

“mine," he snarls, his voice rough & unfamiliar. “you're—fuck— mine.” his hips snap forward with bruising force, driving deeper than you thought was possible before stopping, allowing you both to reach your high, thick spurts of cum pressing against your cervix, threatening too much, & you cum around his meaty cock as the base of it continues to expand, until you’re sure you’re going to pass out. 

if this was what nanami was really like, you can’t say you’d complain. 

satoru & suguru were friends of yours. when you called they came. 

draping your legs over their shoulders, burying their faces in between your thighs, tongues fighting each other’s as they tried to make you feel good. demons are inherently selfish creatures, but satoru & suguru are anything but selfish when it comes to you. satoru’s a tease & he likes to abuse your poor clit, wrapping his lips around it & sucking until you’re crying. suguru shushing & humming at you, the sound muffled by your dripping cunt that he just can’t seem to pull away from. his tongue slipping in & out of you so easily, his gentle voice sending vibrations through you, hands slipping under your hips as you arch your back, too overwhelmed by their unending stimulation. 

“we just wanna make you feel good, don’t you wanna feel good?” is the shit satoru pulls when you’re squirming away from them, oversensitive & crying.  

your hips bucked uncontrollably as waves of ecstasy washed over you. grasping their hair, you ground yourself shamelessly against their eager mouths. pleasure built rapidly, your hips bucking against their faces. they held you firmly in place, not letting up for a moment. their enthusiasm was intoxicating—you could feel how much they were enjoying this too. their pleased hums vibrated through your core, stoking the fire building low in your belly. they like girls who take what they want, don’t gotta ask for it, we wanna give it to you, pretty girl,” suguru would say, sickeningly sweet. satoru’s fingers joined suguru’s tongue, curling to stroke that perfect spot inside you. the dual stimulation was overwhelming. with a cry of rapture, you came undone, trembling & gushing over their waiting mouths.

"that's it, cum for us," satoru murmured against your folds. the vibrations of his voice sent shivers through you. you were so close now, teetering on the edge. with a particularly skillful swirl of geto's tongue, you tumbled over. waves of bliss crashed over you as you cried out, your release flooding their eager mouths.

demons or not, satoru & suguru tended to be very selfless with their special girl. 

kinda lost the plot with all of these, sorry fam; I don't think kinktober is really my thing, but there's more to come, so hopefully I get better <3 did you like it? -> here's my masterlist -> want something more? ask me for it

[warmblanketwhump]

Idea for you. Let’s say we have 5 characters living in one household. They’re all very close. A brings an illness into the house. B catches it while taking care of them. Then C joins the party. Then finally D catches it as well, leaving E to take care of all of them. They start to feel ill, but power through. By the time the others have recovered, E’s fever is bad, and now they have to take care of the caretaker.

this flu season, everyone got sick.

First to fall was A, who came home from work with a pale face and a raspy voice and went straight to bed. When E went up to see them, they found them huddled in bed, blearily staring at the wall.

“I don’t feel good,” they whimper.

Next, C’s nagging cough deepened. It had started a tickle in their throat, but soon moved all the way down into their chest. C was the active type—always going for runs and spending time outdoors—so E knew they were in trouble when a short walk from room to room left C breathless, and soon, they were bedridden as well.

Then, B started complaining about feeling chilled.

“Aren’t you guys freezing?” They sat at the dinner table with D and E, a blanket clutched round their shoulders as they stare blankly at the meal they’ve barely touched.

“No?”

B runs their hands up and down their arms, then hugs themselves tightly with a shudder. “I just can’t get warm.”

D and E exchange a look before D rests a hand on B’s shoulder. “I’ll get the thermometer.”

In the span of 36 hours, three of them had become bedridden.

At first, it’s a bit of a joke between them all, D and E commiserating as they move between rooms with cough syrup, tissues, blankets, and tea.

“We should open up our own hospital,” E cracks as they

But that all changes four days in when E comes downstairs to see D at the kitchen table, ashen-faced and clutching a mug of tea in their hands.

“D, you look awful.”

D hugs the mug closer to their chest and shudders, coughing weakly. “I’ll manage. It’s just the sniffles.”

Before D can move away, E’s got a palm to their too-warm forehead and a sinking feeling in their chest. “Off to bed with you, D. You’re the next victim.”

D groans, slumping over with their head on the kitchen table. “E, I can’t just leave you.”

“Yes, you can and you will. You’re feverish and pale as death.”

D pulls the blanket tighter, a sheepish look on their face. “I thought…I thought it wouldn’t get me too.”

“No one thinks it will. Bed. Now.”

So that’s how D winds up the fourth victim of the flu, and despite their protests, they were arguably the worst hit. What they tried to pass off as a quick rest turned into a six-hour nap. they woke that evening with a 104 fever, having sweat through their clothes and bedsheets.

“It’s going to be a long night,” E whispers under their breath.

——————-

Two days later, E’s standing in the kitchen, fighting to keep their eyes open as the coffee brews, when they feel it.

A chill, prickling between their shoulder blades before it washes over their whole body.

No. I’m just overworked and sleep deprived.

Generously, E had slept for a combined 3 or 4 hours over the past two nights. It was partially their own fault. They’d been sleeping on the hallway floor so they could be equally close to everyone, which meant they heard every whimper, every cough, every quiet plea for help.

C had been up all night with a body-wracking cough, and B’s fever had spiked twice, which meant two changes into dry pajamas. A seemed to be through the worst of it, but they were still so weak they had to be helped to the bathroom. D woke at 2 in the morning, wracked with chills so violent that E gave into their pleas and helped them take a bath to warm up. After being dried off, they spent the rest of the night clutching a hot water bottle.

After that ordeal, E hadn’t even gone to bed—they’d just collapsed on D’s carpet, tugged the nearest blanket around themselves, and passed out.

Until they were woken by C’s coughing a couple hours later, and it all began again.

I'll just finish these dishes and then go sit by the fire. It's probably just this cold snap getting to me.

But as they wash dish after dish, E finds that each one becomes harder and harder to lift. Even the effort of standing makes their knees shake, and goosebumps prickle on E’s arms for no reason at all.

No. No. I can’t get sick.

By midmorning, it’s clear that something is very wrong. E’s chilled to the bone, despite being layered in thermals, a thick sweater and multiple pairs of socks. They resist the urge to wrap up in their bathrobe—the others will know something is wrong if they have that many visible layers on.

So they take A a glass of water, trying to hide how badly their hands are shaking when they hand it off. A must be thirsty enough they don’t notice as they gulp the glass down, but they frown once they’ve finished.

“E, you’re pretty peaked.”

“Hmm?” E snaps to attention, their focus drifting.

“You just look sorta washed out. Have you been sleeping?”

“I’ve been fine. As much sleep as I can with four patients to take care of,” E snaps. They instantly regret their tone as A flinches, then raises their eyebrows. “Sorry. It’s just…it’s been a lot.”

A props themselves up, wrapping their discarded robe around their shoulders. “E, I promise I’m feeling better. I can sit with D for a while—“

“No way. You couldn’t even walk yesterday.”

“And that was yesterday,” A says, patiently. “Give me an hour. If I don’t feel up to it, I’ll tell you.”

“Fine,” E says, too tired to fight with a suddenly chipper A. “But if you even seem slightly faint, it’s back to bed.”

——————

C is the next patient to raise alarms. Though their hacking cough has rendered them voiceless, they seem to be on the mend—vigorously pointing on things and writing messages on their notepad.

E, you look sick. C stabs the pointed message with their finger for emphasis.

E stifles a groan. “You’re one to talk. Drink your cough medicine.”

C accepts the shot of dark red syrup, but their eyes don’t leave B as they take it.

E meets A in the hallway, and before they can ask, A rattles off a report on B. “Fever’s still holding steady at 101.4. They’re miserable, but they’re not going to die. Gave them a cold washcloth, aspirin, and an extra blanket.”

“That’s….good work, A.”

A rolls their eye. “You’re not the only one who can play nurse.”

D is the final stop—they’re still in the roughest shape, feverish and mumbling incoherently, but A manages to soothe them with a cool hand to the forehead and some soft words. E adds another blanket to D’s bed and forces some more medicine into them, and D’s asleep in three minutes.

All patients accounted for, they leave D to rest. E’s about to tell—no, demand—that A goes back to bed, when a sudden dizzy feeling washes over them, and they grab the doorframe.

“E? You alright?”

“I…..I…” Suddenly, E can’t even form words, they just know they’re freezing, and they’re torn between keeping hold of the wall and wrapping their arms around themselves, get warm get warm get warm, and when they choose neither, their knees buckle and they crumple to the floor.

——————

The first thing E realizes, as A and C help them to sit on their bed, is that their sheets are crisp and clean. When was the last time they’d slept a full night in their bed?

“A, go….go to bed,” E rasps weakly through chattering teeth, huddling on the edge of the bed as A helps them into pajamas. “I’ll manage.”

“E, you can’t even keep your head up. Just let us help you change.”

E shudders weakly as their bare, feverish skin hits the chilly air, and A eases them under the covers, rubbing their back. “There you go. Nice and warm.” E leans into the touch, groaning softly, and they feel a thermometer poke under their tongue.

“103.6.”

E groans, pulling the blankets tighter. “I…I can’t be sick.”

“Hush.” A covers them with another blanket. “You took care of us, now let us take care of you.”

E is too feverish and cold and achy to protest, so they let them.

[fullfriendnerdclutch]

The story originally created by @captainmalewriter and you can find the link in this continuation post by @permanentswaps

You Will Possess Me Pt. 3

Still laying in bed with his post-nut afterglow after flooding Yosef's hole, Mauro decided to clean himself a bit before trying to get his much-needed rest before his night shift at the club

"Don't you want to shower?" asked Mauro as he stands up while Yosef plopped himself back to bed after a quick client call that interrupted his post-nut recharge

"You go first, I'll join you later," Yosef said with a rather malicious smirk that Mauro failed to see as he already turned his back and headed to the bathroom

So, Mauro opened the bathroom door of his apartment and a gust of chilling wind welcomed him. Well, it's just finished raining outside so this might just be a sunset breeze or something, he thought to himself as he stepped in and get himself ready by taking off his sex-stained wifebeater. But when the wind blows started to get icy as the door closes, Mauro started to get real suspicious. Before he can walk back out, a shivering sensation crept through his asshole that caused him to yelp. It's like as if something is possessing him! He groaned in pain as his body slammed the door in surprise, the sharp pain reaches his prostate and even beyond and practically sent him to a state of trembling shock. Rather than subsides, it really jabbed further and in his desperate bid to save himself, he screamed for help to his recent fuck-buddy as he exited the bathroom crawling for help

Yet, when Yosef appeared in the hallway leading to the bathroom witnessing the splayed and pale body of the Latino hunk that just bred him earlier, he just smirked before kneeling himself so he can get closer to Mauro's writhing face

"Oh, I see that he's in your stomach now Maybe stop resisting and just let him in to take full control, that will definitely make the pain go away much quicker,"

Mauro just gritted his teeth, holding on the pleasurable pain as these ectoplasm seemingly hit all the right spot inside of his body but it still feels like he's ripped away from his body, his eyes darting the most sinister look to the grinning Yosef

"The guy squirming inside of you, he's a small man, but his will is so big, this is a losing game for you, Mauro. Plus, he can definitely wear this thick beer can of a cock of yours better. You are not the best custodian of this meaty dick, you know? Hhhh....I'm bored to see you resisting so--" and just like that, Yosef grabbed Mauro's throat to choke him. Mauro went into a full-body seizure as Yosef practically caused him to lose his breath. That also helped the ghost to reach even deeper into Mauro's psyche. Snapping his head left and right trying to wriggle himself free proven to be futile as Yosef straddled himself on top of him to make the choking and pressure even more effective. When Mauro's body violently spasmed from head to toe and his eyes started to roll back to reveal its white sides, the painful groan quickly switched to echoing deep laughter as his eyes snapped back to normal but there's this sinister twinkle that now shines from his eyes.

The takeover is complete. Realizing the position they ended up with, Yosef grinned as he comfortably slid his still-rather-loose hole to swallow the mushroom head of Mauro's cock. Mauro, no longer in control of himself, can only witness his possessor returning Yosef's horniness by sliding even more inches into the horny and possessed ghost whisperer's hole

"You are one crazy motherfucker, you know?" remarked the possessed Mauro, "honestly, still baffled me how a ghost whisperer/exorcist can fall victim to the very thing that they should be able to control,"

"Well, I'm an elusive and very determined spirit, after all," the possessed Yosef said, lying through his gritted teeth on how he actually managed to overtake Yosef's body, "uuunnghhh.....and now, let's seal you in. You can hear him inside you?"

"Yeah, he's here, weak and imprisoned with no ability to do anything except to witness....ungggh....me....fucking....the...shit.....mmmpphhh...out of you,"

"Let's get rid of that noise once and for all then," With a wicked grin, Mauro lifted Yosef to the couch and then proceed to ruthlessly pistoned his veiny brown 8 inchers into Yosef's fitting hole. Both men simply groaned and satisfied their flooding lust through kisses, spits and screams of ecstasy. When Mauro started to convulse as he is close to spurt, Yosef stopped himself short to slide himself back to Mauro's cock. Instead, he delayed Mauro from fulfilling his gratifying lust by grabbing the pulsing meat with his fist. Mauro roared in frustration and tried to force his way to get back to plow Yosef's ass, but Yosef just pinned the horny beast on the floor with his ass hovering mid-air

"Trust me, the best ones cum in waves," Yosef said, pun intended.

As the cock softened and several mililitre of leakage flows out gently to make his mushroom head slick with pre, Yosef comfortably slide himself down once more to the quickly-erect cock which caused Mauro's eyes fluttered in delight. Yosef then decided to stop playing around and slowly bring Mauro to the finish line as he ensured to clench his hole tight. Feeling his new dick getting clenched by his fuckbuddy's boypussy once more, Mauro then decided to take the matter into his own hands by grabbing Yosef's waist and keeping it in place. Yosef, alarmed by the gravity of the brutal fucking Mauro is capable off, flushed with worry as he found himself locked in place. He tried to break free and moaned like a whore as Mauro's cock hit close to his G-spot

"MMMFFFFUUUCKKKK YOU, DON'T YOU DARE GETTING OUT AGAIN NOW," Mauro threatened with a sadistic glee as he can feel that he's close to cumming

Yosef writhed in pain and delight knowing that this one will be one heck of a huge blast. But even before Mauro shot his load, Yosef already spurted like a geyser, his cock untouched but it's shooting cum all over his own torso, Mauro's and even the cushion cover and the mirror behind Mauro's head. It's one heck of a mess, followed by another mess as Mauro eventually released his tremendous load as it flows out from Yosef's gaping hole and stained the cushion beneath their bodies. Alongside the flowing cum, the real Mauro's soul also expelled from his own body and joining the same fate with the real Yosef, it simply fades into irrelevancy as the soul is not necessarily a soul that can move on to the after life but also at the same time having no vessels to claim as home, making it weaker as the time progresses unless he managed to find a body weak enough to be beaten by his soul.

The ghost inside Mauro just chuckled "Ck....he's gone. Phew.....fuck....again, I don't know how the fuck you found out about this whole....breed and freed scheme or whatever you name this, or how you basically manage to utilize his power for our kind's benefit, but this is brilliant. And....hmmmmm, I have a few friends that are eager to get back to live life once more, do you think we can work together to help them? I bet there's a lot of hot guys willing to get involved in a threesome with Mauro and Yosef over here, don't you think?"

Yosef just smiled. That actually sounds like a good plan, a possible thriving business enterprise if he wants to put in some work. But at this point, he's just trying to live in the moment and cherished the opportunity of getting back alive and having his back blown by hot guys that his old life could only dream of. All thanks to that fucking broken cock ring

[cuteandhughesy]

Ceilings | Luke Hughes (part 1/2)

summary: you are a bet for luke and his friends, but that doesn't stop you two from actually falling in love, luke just prays you never find out the truth

21.4K (total)

warnings: NSFW! frenemies to lovers | relationship betting | fake dating | alcohol | college!au | umich!luke | suggestive themes | sexual harassment; unwanted touching and kissing | read at your own discretion.

link to masterlist

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

you wouldn't say you were friends with any player on the university of Michigan hockey team. in fact, you tried to avoid any and all of the boys at any cost. your best friend, ariana, is dating mark estapa, a forward on the wolverines. therefore, it wasn't uncommon for him or a couple of his friends to greet you in passing in school hallways, or make small talk with you at parties.

you're sure it was on your face anytime any of those boys tried to talk with you: you weren't interested. you didn't want to hook up with them, you didn't want to be best friends with them and you sure as hell didn't want to date any of them. hockey players aren't your type.

as long as you've been attending your program at the university of michigan, you've had a crush on matthew johnson. he sat two rows in front of you in your first class, and played on the schools basketball team. he was smart, and kind and so unbelievably good looking, you are positive he is your soulmate (even though you've never really talked to him.)

so yeah, you'd go to these hockey parties and entertain their small talk because matthew was always at the parties, and any chance to get closer to him, you'd take.

part one: the bet

luke watched rutger shiver as he swallowed his shot of tequila, no doubt the warm liquor burning his throat as he drank it. rutger cringed, chugging the rest of his beer as a chaser. he took a moment to pause before smirking in victory, "I told you I could do it without throwing up."

ethan groaned, throwing his head back in defeat before taking a sip of his drink. in their freshman year, a couple seniors taught them how to the play Bet: the drinking game. a game were each player had to bet somebody else in the group something they think that they can't do, and if said person can prove them wrong, they have to take a sip. at first, the group of freshman thought it was boring, but now as sophomores they made it their mission to play at every party, recruiting as many people as possible.

"alright," rutger rubbed his calloused palms together, scanning the group to pick his next victim. his eyes passed luke's, but then immediately darted back, a smirk overtaking his face. "moosey..." he taunted and luke sighed.

"dude, it hasn't even been a full round since my last turn!" he protested and rutger shrugged.

"anyways!" he started, "it's no secret you have, for lack of a better phrase, trouble with ladies."

mark snickered beside him, and the sound of laughter left luke to elbow him.

rutger continued, "sure, a hookup or so here and there but nothing sticks. I really don't think you have it in you."

luke gave a quizzical look, "what are you saying? am I getting a bet here or are you going to keep babbling about hookups?"

rutger smirked, leaning forward in his elbows slightly, "I bet that you can't make a girl fall in love with you before playoffs start."

luke was taken back. "how am I supposed to accomplish that tonight? that doesn't follow the rules of the game."

"eh, i'll allow the extension for this one. but never mind a shot, lets put something good on it...unless, you don't think you can do it."

"I can," luke says immediately.

"okay," rutger laughs, "If you can make a girl fall in love with you before playoffs, I will....," he pauses with thought.

"how about you let us dye or cut your hair however we want?," ethan proposes.

"I like that," luke agrees. rutger was weird about his hair, so it was the perfect punishment.

"fine," he laughs, "but if you can't do it, you owe me $200."

"deal," luke agrees immediately, "this will be easy."

"not so fast," he said, "first of all, I can't just take your word for it, I need to see this girl truly in love with you, I don't care what you have to do -"

"you definitely gotta hit that though," ethan interrupts, "what if she sees your tiny dick and wants nothing to do with you."

"dude!" dylan duke laughs.

"i agree with ethan, you gotta tap it. oh! and most importantly," rutger says loudly, trying to overpower the sound of his teammates laughing, " I pick the girl."

and for the first time that night luke felt nervous. "seriously?"

"yeah," he said, "in fact..." rutger started scanning the party going on around them and after a minute or two passed, he smirks satisfied. luke felt his stomach twirl in worry. "I have the perfect girl."

ethan, dylan and mark all desperately scan the room, trying to pinpoint who their teammate could've possibly chosen for their tall friend.

rutger shrugged in luke's direction before he said, "...y/n. make y/n fall in love with you before playoffs and you win the bet."

"dude," mark sighs hesitantly, "she's ariana's best friend."

"I know," rutger says, "I also know she isn't particularly fond of us. one time I tried to hook up with her and I swear she almost bit my head off. she is sworn off of all hockey players."

"then why did you pick her?!," luke says, hand thrown in his direction.

"just makes it more interesting. do you think you can do it?" rutger is looking luke straight in the eyes, a raise to his one brow.

"yeah," luke says, "I can do it."

"you're on," he laughs, gesturing across the room were he spotted the girl in question. "go on then."

"what?" luke sputters.

"playoffs are only two and half months away, moose. you better get on it." he sips his drink nonchalantly, "I saw her walk out to the backyard a minute ago."

"okay," luke stands up, wiping his hand down his jeans. "i'll be back later." and before he knew it, he made his way to the backyard, in search of you.

the bonfire was roaring outside, and you could feel the heat on your exposed arms. you sip your drink from the red plastic cup, eyes trained through the smoke from the flames as you watch matthew joke with the basketball team. you sigh, head falling back to rest on the brick wall you were leaning against.

"you're insufferable," ariana laughs, "just go talk to him."

"I can't!" you protest immediately. "he's like...way out of my league."

"I thought he was your soulmate?"

"he is!" you say fast, "so that's why i'll wait until he comes to me. because that means it will be the right time."

ariana gives you a look of disbelief. "okay lover girl," she says. "but I can't be around your love sick eyes right now, I'm going to try and find mark." she says.

"okay," you say, eyes still trained on the bright blonde hair of the basketball player. she twirls a piece of your hair around her finger before you hear her walk away from you, greeting somebody on her way in. you don't register the voice of the recipient to ariana's hello until he's standing next to you.

"hey," luke says.

you glance up at him with furrowed brows. "hi?"

he nods to the fire, "so, who are you checking out over there?"

"what?!" you shout, gathering the attention of people around you. clearing your throat, you start again, repeating what in a much calmer tone. "I'm not checking out anyone."

"okay," he taunts you, hands held up in surrender.

"why are you talking to me?" you ask him harshly, your solo cup held against your chest. the barley cold drink has your erratic heart slowing slightly.

"am I not allowed to talk to you?" he questions with a raise to his brow.

you shake your head,"not when you're asking me...weird questions like that."

"can I not ask my friend questions?"

"oh so we're friends?" you laugh sarcastically, "do you even know my name? I don't even think we've spoke more than 10 words to each other -"

"y/n," he interrupts you, "of course I know your name. it's not like we are strangers." luke finishes with a smirk. he looks down at you with a smug expression, and your annoyance level raises: you kind of want to punch him.

"okay..." you say in suspicion. without much thought, your eyes dance back through the small crowd, landing in the direction of matthew. you clear your throat, "so, luke, what do you want?"

luke smirks at the use of his name, because obviously you were trying to prove a point in also knowing his name- you have to ignore that violent urge once again. "I want to know why you keep checking out matthew johnson - you're not his type."

you look back at luke quickly: shocked that he caught on to your secret crush and angry from him calling you out on it. both emotions are evident in your face as you splutter, wide eyes looking up at him. a moment passes, and you regain your train of thought, "okay...whose type am I then?"

"mine." he says it immediately and you have to blink three times to even register the words coming from his mouth. a beat later, you're laughing right in his face (or chest rather, because you're not that tall). "what's so funny?" he questions, an unpleasant pull to his eyebrows.

your laughter ceases, "did you seriously just say that? luke...cmon."

"i'm being serious," there's an undertone of annoyance in his words. "you're my type."

"okay, lukey," you taunt the nickname, taking a sip of your drink. "i'm flattered, i suppose - but I don't date hockey players."

"you don't date hockey players yet." luke corrects you.

"okay, seriously what do you want?" you drop your free hand to your side, cup still held to your chest. "you're being weird."

"I want to take you out."

"why?" you start, "and if you say i'm your type again i'll seriously pour the rest of my drink over your head."

he laughs, "you wouldn't be able to reach." you don't laugh at his teasing, so luke swallows thickly before continuing. "you seem cool. and you're pretty and mark says you're nice so..."

you squint your eyes quizzically at the tall boy in front of you. "okay..." and for the first time since you two starting talking, luke feels a tiny sliver of hope. he watches you as your eyes once again dart towards the fire- expect this time they're blown wide. luke looks over and is immediately met with the brown eyes of matthew johnson, who's made his way over to stand with you and luke.

"hey!" the blonde says. he pulls luke into a dap up and side hug, slapping a hand against his shoulder. "what's up hughesy."

"not much," luke hums, "how's the season going?" luke takes a step closer towards you without realizing his actions, bicep brushing against your shoulder.

"good, good! nothing like you guys though."

luke chuckles, shrugging. "we try." suddenly, luke felt a small elbow nudge into his side. he looks down at you, the culprit, but you're trying to be discreet, looking in your cup to avoid eye contact from either athlete.

he tries not to roll his eyes at your shyness, clearing his throat and looking back towards the basketball player, "hey, matt, do you know y/n?"

you finally look up and away from your drink. just as you do, you catch the brown eyes of matthew johnson - looking at you. your stomach drops.

"hey," matthew says, "how's it going?"

"hi, i'm - yeah i'm good." you try not to stutter too badly but your nerves get the best of you. you can feel luke wanting to laugh beside you, so you take a deep breath. "i'm great."

matthew nods once at you before turning his attention back to the 6"2 athlete on your right. "anyways man, I thought i'd say hey, i'll talk to you later."

"see ya," luke mutters. you watch matthew walk away from the two of you, that same dreamy look on your face that luke saw from before. he can't help but laugh.

"what's so funny?" you're the one asking the question now, that same annoyce luke had shown you earlier more present than ever.

luke laughs a few more times, and takes a deep breath, "that was the worst thing i've ever watched."

"what?!" you screech, hands falling at your sides. you're pretty sure some of your drinks splashes out of your cup and onto your shoes, but you don't care.

"I think there would be more chemistry between you and a rock than you and matt. just awful."

"what would you know about chemistry?" you retort.

"well you and I clearly have chemistry, that much I do know."

"you and I have no such thing," you gesture wildly between the two of you. "actually, i'm done for tonight. i'll see you later...friend."

luke panicked in that moment, because were you really that hard to crack - but then, it clicked. it was like a lightbulb went off in his mind, flickering before his eyes and waving in front of his face. on opportunity to save himself $200 bucks and show his friends he wasn't just some one night kinda guy.

you don't get too far past him when luke grabs onto your wrist, spinning you back around so you are facing him once more. it's too late to back out now, luke thinks. "I have an idea."

"luke, seriously, let it go." you sigh.

your words fall on deaf ears, "i'll help you." luke says quickly.

you send him a look with raised brows. "help me with..."

"getting matthew to fall in love with you."

you visibly swallow at his offer, your shoulders tensing and face glowing warm. your look of disbelief quickly turns in to one of weary. "why would you do that?"

"because we're friends."

you send him a look.

"i'll show you how to act, how to get his attention, i'll tell you his likes and dislikes, and he will fall for you. you just need some help."

for some odd reason, you find yourself believing luke. you believed his odd plan could work with the right amount of time - but that didn't stop you from feeling hesitant. "okay but...why? what's in it for you?"

"nothing really...just your time and friendship."

you sent him one more look before faltering, "okay...fine." the opportunity to get closer to your crush was not one you wanted to pass up. obviously, luke was close to matt is some capacity, meaning he could actually be of help.

luke smirks. "no more embarrassing yourself." he says and you furrow your brows in confusion.

"I didn't embarrass myself."

"you didn't find that conversation embarrassing in the slightest?" luke asks loudly, disbelief clear in his tone.

your face drops and you give him another deadly look.

"okay, okay, don't kill me," luke mumbles. "let's meet up sometime tomorrow and we can discuss a game plan,"

you nod, "okay, what time?"

"I have practice at 10, and a game at 7. so any time between that," luke tells you.

"my break tomorrow is at 2, if you want we can meet then? I work at the coffee house on campus."

"i know where you work, y/n." he teases. "i'll see you then." he puts his hand out and unbelievably, you shake it.

luke just found his loophole.

part two: the beginning

the coffee house was busy, which wasn't uncommon for a friday afternoon, but this one was just that much more intense, your 45 minute break was supposed to start 10 minutes ago.

"y/n, after this next drink you can go sit down. take a well deserved break," your manager says quickly behind you, hands busy filling another pot with coffee.

"okay," you say, topping off the takeout cup of coffee with the correct amount of creamer before making your way to the pick up counter. "for luke!" you call out. you don't register the name on the drink until luke appears in front of you.

"hey," he says. you notice that luke looks kinda tired and there's a fresh purple bruise on his cheekbone, most likely from the practice he just came from.

"hi," you say breathlessly. luke takes the drink from you and you exit from behind the counter. "sorry, i'm late. it's been really busy." you two find a table near the windows at the back of the cafe and sit down across from one another.

"I can see that," he says, looking around the bustling cafe as he takes his first sip. "good job," he gestures his drink in your direction and you just send him a tight lipped smile.

"so..." you start, "what's first?"

luke nods, as if suddenly remembering why he's here in the first place. "okay, first step and arguably the most important, is to make matthew think you're unavailable...but not uninterested."

your bottom lip is pulled between your teeth and you knaw on it with question. "okay, how do I do that?"

"we have to date." luke says, taking another sip of his hot brew. at first, you think maybe you misheard him, but the sheepish glances he's sending your way is enough for you to know you definitely heard him correctly.

you chuckle, "okay, what do I actually have to do."

"I just told you," he says. luke watches your confused face and he sighs, "if matt thinks you're hooking up with somebody, that means he can't have you. he's a competitor, and he wants what he can't have. he saw us together at the party, so therefore, I am your perfect fake boyfriend."

you give him an apprehensive look,"if this is just some weird scheme so you can like...feel me up-"

"feel you up? who even talks like that?" interrupts luke, "I didn't think you spawned from the 1970s."

"okay!" you interrupt, and you rest your head on your palm. "so when you say unavailable but not uninterested, you mean...?"

"I mean flirt with him. and not that poor excuse of conversation you had last night with him, I mean flirt with him."

"right..." you say hesitantly, "so what does this fake dating entail?"

luke pouts in thought for a moment, but then he leans forward. "well, it needs to be believable, so you can't be all weird," he says.

"you're the one who makes it weird." you retort.

"we will have to pretend that we are like, totally falling for each other, okay? so i'll be giving you hugs, and you'll like, I don't know, touch my hair and put your hand on my chest and shit. and when I do this," he pauses and places his hand over yours that is resting atop the table. you tense, pulling your hand away, "you definitely shouldn't do that." luke says.

"so we have to pretend we are together...all the time?"

"not all the time. just around our friends and well, matt of course."

you begin to nod, but then you sigh. "wait, ariana knows that i'm hopelessly obsessed with matt. she won't believe I forgot about him just like that for...you."

you say with a hint of displeasure and luke smirks, "awe, I love when you talk dirty with me."

you ignore him, "i'll have to tell her about our plan."

"no!" luke says quickly, "you can't."

"why not?"

"because..." he is panicking, "what if...she tells mark and then - you know mark, he can't keep a secret to save his life. matt will find out and then this will be for nothing."

he can see the gears turning in your head but you nod slowly. "okay, that makes sense. it stays a secret."

"our secret," he agrees, holding out his pinky across from you.

you look at his pinky, back to his face and do it once more. "really?"

"pinky promise me baby."

you roll your eyes at the pet name but oblige, wrapping your small finger around his much bigger pinky. "pinky promise...lukey."

he licks his teeth as the two of you unravel fingers. "tomorrow night, there's a basketball game. me and the guys usually go when we have a free night, so this time, you'll be coming with. i'll tell mark to invite ariana too."

"okay," you smile. "you know, I feel like this will work. it feels right."

luke nods, "yeah, it will work." little does she know, he thinks. "i'll put my number in your phone, that way you can text me your address for the game tomorrow."

you slide him your cell, and he quickly does what he said he would, locking your phone and giving it back. "I have to go, I need to sleep and finish homework before my game, but text me!" he's speaking loudly as he's leaving, and you try not to cringe as a couple students look your way - clearly curious about the loud voice.

you open your phone and scroll down to the L names in your contact list and immediately find him saved under: lukey 😍

you roll your eyes.

you

lukey 😍 ? really?

lukey 😍

love it?

lukey 😍

see you tomorrow

later that evening you send him your address and said goodnight. that didn't stop him from asking you a bunch of questions and trying to follow you on every social media platform you had a profile on. you didn't answer, but you woke that next morning and saw he had found you on his own. you sighed, rolling your eyes but following him back.

the evening came quickly, your day packed with classes which took up any free time to leave you anticipating the evening. when you got back home, you only had an hour to shower and change into something presentable for the game.

while you were finishing getting presentable, ariana had asked for your opinion on three different outfits, and even though you liked every single one, she kept changing.

lukey😍

we are out front

"ariana! they are here." you call out, grabbing your belt bag and heading down the stairs of your house.

"coming!" ariana responded, following you down the steps and out the front doors. the two of you nodded goodbye to your third roommate, rosie, and met the guys outside.

luke was outside of the truck already, arms crossed as he waited for the two of you. ariana ran straight passed him, greeting mark through the passenger seat window.

you approached him slowly. "hey," you said and he smiled. "hi," as you got closer he wrapped his arms around you and the feeling of him holding you has you tensing up.

luke can feel your rigid posture and he sighs into the side of your face. "relax," he whispers in your ear, "we are dating, remember? look a bit happier to see me."

his words have you smiling tightly, following suit in wrapping your arms around luke to complete the hug.

"we are in the back," he says. you nod, noticing that ariana was tucked away in the front middle seat between mark and rutger. "okay."

luke opened the door and you see ethan behind the drivers seat on his phone. great, you think, i'm going to be squished between two hockey players. this was your nightmare. you grab the handle to try and haul yourself up into the truck, and you have to ignore the way luke pushes on the back of your thigh to help you in.

you sit down, and luke barely shuts the door before rutger starts driving. you quickly buckle your seatbelt as the vehicle turns off your road.

"so, y/n, you like basketball?" rutger asks. at the question, you can feel ethan's eyes studying the side of your face, waiting for an answer.

although you don't want to participate in small talk with rutger mcgoarty or ethan edwards, you decide to play nice. "it's alright," you hum, "luke said that you guys go often. do you like basketball, rutger?"

he laughs once, one hand spinning the wheel as he makes another turn. "it's alright."

the sharp turn slides your body into luke's side, and you choose to ignore the way you tuck perfectly into his arm. before you can move back over, luke's hand comes down over yours atop your thigh.

on instinct and you pull away from his touch, tucking your hand between your legs. immediately, his foot nudges against yours, and you look up at him with raised brows. luke looks down at his hand again expectantly, flexing his fingers slightly. you sigh, reluctantly grabbing his hand, interlocking your fingers and resting them in your lap. you can feel ethan's eyes on you both again but you ignore him.

the drive is filled with comfortable chatter until you all arrive at the court. rutger drops you all off and then searches the parking lot for a spot to put the truck. ethan, mark and ariana are ahead of you and luke, talking loudly as they made their way to the court.

luke wraps his arm around your shoulders and you flinch. "you have to stop reacting like that when I touch you."

"sorry! i'm not used to you touching me - like at all, I can't help it." you whisper.

"and you have to start smiling at me more, ethan was looking at you weird in the truck." luke whispers back, eyes darting behind himself to see if his teammate has made it inside yet. "you have to look like you like me in front of matthew. when we get in there, you gotta like...touch me and stuff."

you pull a face at the thought and luke sighs, "y/n, you gotta work with me here."

you sigh in deafeat. out of the corner of your eye, you see rutger walk through the double doors, making his way over to where luke and yourself have stopped walking. without thinking too much, you place a hand on luke's arm, smiling up at him as your other hand pushes through his head of curls.

"what's happening?" luke mumbles with furrowed brows, quizzical glances on your bright smile.

through your teeth you mutter, "rutger is watching."

it all makes sense after that, luke thinks. luke smiles immediately and wraps you in a hug, playing into your touches just as his friend reaches the two of you. "you guys ready to head inside?" he asks.

"yeah," you say, "lead the way." you tell him and he smirks, walking in front of the two of you.

the three of you find ariana, mark and ethan quickly, thankfully they got six good seats near the court, which would help your case greatly. you notice behind them are dylan duke and jacob truscott - two more members of the wolverines hockey team.

luke sits first, beside mark, and you now sit between luke and a stranger as rutger moves to sit on the opposite end with ethan, closer to dylan and jacob. the four of them immediately laughing and talking loudly over the busy stands.

the basketball team takes the court for the first half and you spot matthew's head of blonde hair immediately. the fluorescent lights making his straight locks look even silkier than normal. you sigh longingly.

you feel luke's thumb wipe at your lip and you look towards him with wide eyes. "you had a little drool there." he smirks. luke had clearly been watching you as you admired your crush.

"shut up," you say, shoving his chest. "I did not."

"no, but i wouldn't be surprised if you did. stop looking at him like that, it's kind of creepy." he whispers.

"how am I supposed to to look at him then?" you ask.

"I don't know, like you're kinda uninterested but also interested."

"luke that makes no sense." you retort.

"If he looks over here, and you make eye contact, I want you to smile a little bit, but look away right after." he says, "guys like that. it's like you're hard to get."

you look up at him, only to find luke is already looking at you. "right," you whisper.

the busy stands have you practically sitting on luke's seat. you can smell his woodsy cologne as look up at him. before you can think about how good he smells, you look away, back towards the court. his eyes linger on the side of your face for only a moment longer, and then luke looks away.

oddly enough, matt does look over in your direction and you do exactly what luke told you to do - although you felt odd doing it. you just didn't feel like yourself, and it seemed weird. almost like you knew it wasn't the way you and matt were supposed to start your relationship. but then, luke nudged you knowingly and wiggled his eyebrows  when matt nodded in your direction, and everything felt good.

the game ended and michigan won, which the crowd was happy with as they erupted in cheers and celebration, surely talk about an after party floating around in the crowd. rutger mentioned that they always stayed after the game to chat with the players, and you didn't plan on arguing.

"hey, matt, what's up man!" jacob said from beside you. his name has you tensing up in your spot standing between truscott and luke.

you spot matt's blonde hair push through the crowd, smiling briefly as he sees you all. "what's up guys," matt greeted the group of hockey players like every guy does. matt looks happy from the win and his skin was glistening with sweat in a way that had you feeling hot.

"great game man," mark says, ariana tucked into his side.

"thanks, I mean the other team kept giving us too many chances. honestly, it was like playing against a bunch of chicks - bunch of fucking pussies." matt laughs at his own words. the guys around you give a few pity laughs, awkwardly glancing at one another.

you frown slightly. that's not something you ever pictured matt saying - especially in the presence of women. but you don't dwell on, because - not everybody is perfect...right?

"hey, this is my girlfriend ariana," mark says, breaking the awkward tension by introducing his girl to the basketball player, who shakes her hand.

then matt turns to you and - "you are?"

oh. you try not to let your initial smile falter. all joy from matt turning towards you and making eye contact, completely disappears. clearing your throat of emotions, you stick out your hand, "y/n."

"nice to meet you." matt notes.

"you've actually met her before," luke says, arm resting on your shoulders, "at the party a few days ago."

matt looks taken back for a moment, gears clearly turning in his head as he's trying to remember you. "oh, right, my bad." you can tell by the look in his eyes he really doesn't remember you or the interaction: you try not to feel defeated.

"it's okay!" you say quickly and mark's eyes widen at your loud tone. you suprise yourself at the loudness of your voice, and you clear your throat. "by the way, matt, uh, your sweat makes your skin look nice! very glowy."

"what?" jacob mutters, and you fight the urge to face palm at yourself. ariana is giving you a perplexed look and dylan along with rutger look like they are trying to cover a laugh.

nonetheless, matt thanks you, even though it comes out more like a question. "you guys coming to the party tonight?"

you try not to let your shoulders drop in embarrassment and disappointment. this was going terribly.

"yeah, I was thinking we would stop by, we will probably see you there," rutger says.

"awesome! I gotta hit the showers but i'll see you later, nice meeting you girls." he sends a tight lipped smile to you all and jogs away.

you try not to look deafted as your friends all walk infront of you and luke, talking amongst themselves loudly as you all make your way outside.

"you okay?" luke asks quietly at your side, arm brushing against yours with each step you take.

you nod yes once, tucking some hair behind your ear. "i'm actually not feeling up for a party tonight, so i'll just walk home. it's only like 20 minutes probably, so i'll just text you later and we can -"

luke stops walking, "what? no, try like 40 minutes. you're not walking home. i'll drive you after we drop them at the party."

you nod and say nothing more as you both catch up to your friends. the drive to the party was filled with loud conversation and laughter and music- everyone enjoying themselves. expect for you, as you opted to only chime in when needed. the embarrassment of your crush forgetting you, weighing heavy on your mind.

eventually, rutger pulled up to the house hosting the after party and parked the truck.

"hey, man," luke starts when everybody starts unbuckling their seatbelts, climbing out of the vehicle, "y/n isn't feeling well so i'm going to drive her home and then i'll come back with the truck."

"are you okay?" ariana turns in her seat to look at you, eyes dancing over your face to catch any signs of sickness.

"yeah," you nod towards your best friend, "I just need some sleep, I think."

rutger nods, "yeah, sure." he hands luke the keys and you all switch seats. only you and luke are left as you move to sit in the front, as the rest of them head inside the party.

the short drive back to your home was silent. it's only when luke pulls up to the front of your house and parks the truck is when he decides to speak.

"are you sure you're okay?"

sighing, "no, god," your head hits the headrest and slowly rolls until you're looking at luke. "I feel humiliated. I made a fool of myself, luke. why did I bring up his fucking sweat!"

"you didn't make a fool of yourself," luke says quickly, "you tried, just like we talked about. we will work on it, y/n. promise."

"what if i look stupid again?" you feel like crying saying that out loud, but do your best holding back any emotion.

"you've never looked stupid, y/n." luke says quietly, face full of sincerity as he looks at you. you muster up a nod of agreement, eyes bright in the darkness of the truck. "don't think that way, okay?"

"m'kay," you hum.

"did you want me to stay with you for a bit?"

"it's okay," you say and open the door, hopping down and out of rutger's lifted truck. "thanks for driving me home, I appreciate everything you're doing for me."

"it's no problem," luke says, "i'll text you tomorrow so we can talk about next steps, okay? don't let tonight weigh on you too much, this is going to work."

"okay," you whisper through the night air, "goodnight lukey." you send him a small smile after the teasing nickname and he smiles, shaking his head in slight disbelief.

"goodnight."

part three: the flirting

you walked along luke in the park across from campus, your hands tucked in the pockets of your hoodie as the two of you strolled. even though spring was in full bloom, the early morning provided a chill breeze, leaving you to shiver slightly.

the sun had come up only an hour prior, meaning it was just after 7 in the morning. luke had a 9 o'clock practice and you worked right after his practice ended, leaving the two of you only this hour to meet up and get your next steps in order.

"okay," you start, "where do I go from here? the game was quite literally a disaster."

luke nods in agreement, "you had the right idea, but you're trying too hard. it has to feel and look more natural. if you're going to compliment him again, make it a less disturbing experience and say something easy going."

"okay...like what?"

luke stops walking, grabbing your arms and turning your body to face him. "pretend i'm matt, and flirt with me."

"no," you laugh loudly,"i'm not doing that," you calm down and whisper as two girls walk passed you both, your earlier shout gathering their attention.

"yes, you are. just try. give me a compliment." luke insists.

you sigh, "okay, umm...hey, you have really straight teeth."

"that's weird!" luke exclaims, shoulders dropping.

you groan, "I don't know! I don't want to be boring and just, like, say he has nice eyes."

"well you'd be lying because he has shit brown coloured eyes."

"luke." you deadpan, staring up with him with a very much annoyed expression.

"okay, boring is good. it's simple and effective," luke says as you two continue to walk through campus. "alright, for example;" he clears his throat and looks at you all weird so your raise your brows. "wow, y/n i've never noticed how beautiful your smile is."

you squint at him, "that's it?"

"I thought it was pretty good," he defends himself.

"I suppose," you agree.

"next time you see him, tell him you like the way he's styled his hair or something. guys like him would like that." luke thinks.

"I can do that...hopefully he remembers me this time." you mutter.

luke scoffs, "what do you even see in this guy anyways? he's kind of an asshole."

"he's not," you squawk, "he's funny and smart..." you daydream, which has luke rolling his eyes. "and he plays basketball! I love basketball."

"first of all, you know nothing about basketball," luke says and you roll your eyes, "second of all, how would you know? you've only spoken to the guy twice."

"I can just feel it. those two times we talked, I had a good feeling in my stomach. and besides, it shouldn't matter to you."

"it doesn't really," luke says quickly, "all i'm going to say is that if he was a hockey player instead of a basketball player, you would hate everything about him."

you furrow your brows, "well, I don't date hockey players so..."

"it has nothing to do with the sport. matt johnson is literally rutger 2.0. hell, rutger is more tolerable."

"you're wrong." you say.

"am I?" he says.

you gulp because you aren't sure if he actually is wrong.

"but, who am I to judge," luke tucks his hands in his pockets, "we will get you the guy, y/n, if that's what you want."

you hesitate for a moment. "yeah." you say, "that's what I want."

luke swallows and nods slowly, "okay, come by mine after work? the guys are having a couple people over and I think matt is coming."

you agree quickly, "okay, i'll see you later."

he grabs your arm, spinning you back around to face him before you could leave. "what? no kiss goodbye?"

"luke," you gave him a tentative look. he just smirks and leans down, pressing his lips to your cheek delicately, "guess i'll give you one then." he says against your skin and you have to fight your bodies urge to shudder.

"you're such a..." you shake your head in disbelief.

"charmer?" he interrupts with a smirk.

"a dreamer," you correct. "i'll see you after work." you say, leaving him standing on the pathway and making your way back home.

-

you got to the hockey house just after 9 p.m. you finished work around 8:30, and when you got home to change into more appropriate clothing, you had been disappointed when you realized you had left your house key inside, and ariana and rosie weren't home. so, there you were, knocking on the door in your work uniform, covered in milk stains and smelling like old coffee beans.

the front door is pulled open and your face to face with ethan. he looks you over once with furrowed brows, "you don't have to knock."

"oh," you say, "sorry."

"don't apologize," he says, "why are you wearing that?"

"it's my uniform." you respond with hesitation. why is he so odd.

"oh, okay. come in then." he pulls the door open wider and you nod, stepping in the home. you drop your bag by the door and ethan hisses warningly.

"what?" you snap and he holds his hands up in surrender.

"there's some new girls here. if you leave your bag there, chances are something will get stolen." oh, you think, that's kinda sweet.

"right," you respond, picking your bag back up, "thanks."

"moose! your girl is here." ethan shouts through the house, voice barley heard over the booming music. despite his call, he throws an arm around your shoulders, guiding you into the living room.

it feels like all eyes are on you when you enter the makeshift living room space. there's a sectional pushed up against the far wall, and a three seater adjacent to it. there's a rickety coffee table in the middle, and a rough looking lazy boy in the other corner. the tv is playing seinfeld on the only free wall left, and the room smells like whiskey. you try not to scrunch your nose up in disgust.

a chorus of greetings are thrown your way. there's a couple people you don't recognize, but most faces you're familiar with.

you see luke stand up from his seat between dylan and luca fantilli, making his way over to the two of you. "hey," he greets as ethan's arm leaves your shoulders, and luke is pulling you into a hug, which is normal now you suppose. "I texted you."

"my phone died," you say, "and i got locked out of my house, I couldn't even change." you whine briefly, exhaustion clear in your tone.

now luke wishes he didn't bring up this small party, especially since he knew matt wasn't going to be there. he just made that minor detail up about tonight, so that you'd be convinced to show up. luke was worried his friends would put two and two together if you were only around when matt was and that would just ruin the entire plan he'd conjured up.

"what are you wearing?" a girl with dark red hair is sitting beside rutger, and she's looking at you with confused brows. although you're always a girls girl, the tone of the mystery girl has you feeling angry.

"my uniform," you bite back. rutger smirks at your attitude and you feel like elbowing his jaw. "I didn't have the opportunity to change out of it...i'm sure somebody in this house has something I could wear."

"oh," the girl hums, all valley girl and uninterested.

"yeah, you can borrow something of mine." luke says into your hairline, arm still wrapping you in his embrace against his side.

rutger laughs, "thank god, I can smell the old creamer from here."

as you and luke pass behind him, he hits rutger up the back of the head and the action has you smiling to yourself, letting luke pull you up the stairs by your hand and to his bedroom.

his walls were a light gray colour, which you assumed was already painted when the boys moved in. he had a couple hockey related items up on the wall, along with a photograph framed of his family. he had a desk covered in school work, along with a bed in the opposite corner with a nightstand, which was also covered in random items. you looked away embarrassed when you spotted the open box of condoms beside the lamp.

in the time of you slightly snooping around, luke had pulled sweats out of his dresser. "here," he says. you don't have time to register his words before he throws some clothes at your chest. you catch them with a grunt, a sarcastic thank you follows.

luke jumps on his bed, long body sprawled out with his hands gathered behind his head. you look at him and his relaxed demeanour with confusion, "are you going to leave so I can change or..?"

"...no? i've seen naked girls before."

"you've never seen me naked before," you retort harshly.

luke just shrugs and makes no moves to leave you alone. sensing your hesitation, he sighs, "if i run into somebody in the hall, don't you think they'd be confused if my girlfriend made me leave while she changes?"

he makes a good point - so for the sake of your fake relationship, you push your nerves aside.

you grab a throw pillow that was on the floor and toss it at his face. "just...cover your face then."

he laughs and obliges, using the pillow to shield his eyes. you take a moment to make sure he won't make any moves to peek at you, and then you turn your back to him. first, taking off your polo shirt and replacing it with luke's michigan wolverine one. although he's much taller than you, he's not insanely built, so the shirt is baggy but not swimming on you. next goes your slacks, leaving you in your underwear.

"are you wearing blue underwear?" luke's question is muffled from under the pillow. you pause, looking over your shoulder to make sure he was still shut eye. "I can sense the colour blue."

"no," you hum as you pull his sweatpants over your very much blue underwear. in a moment of boldness you say, "i'm not wearing any."

luke removes the pillow from his face in a hurry and you gasp at him. "hey!"

"just was seeing if you were telling the truth." he shrugs like it's no big deal.

"you're lucky I pulled these on before you saw...anything." you curse yourself for lack of a better word.

you can feel the pants slipping down, so you roll them at the waist, even though it does nothing, pant legs are still pooled at the floor, covering your feet. you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirrored closet door and groan. "I look awful."

"what?" you watch as luke's brows draw together in confusion. "what are you even saying?"

"my skin is oily, my hair is dirty and," you pause to sniff the ends, "smells like fucking cappuccino and i'm literally swimming in these clothes. I look and feel like shit."

"you don't," luke says, "girls always look cute in guys clothes so like, don't even start."

you give luke a gentle smile in the mirror, "you think I look cute?"

"you already know my answer..." he whispers. your eyes catch his on the bed, and you body goes slightly limp. the situation becomes very real, very quick, leaving you to clear your throat and run a hand through your hair nervously.

"is matt still coming?" you ask, collecting your clothes off the floor and stuffing them in your bag. "I didn't see him when we were down there."

you hear luke sigh quietly from his spot on the bed, "matt can't make it."

you freeze momentarily, "oh."

"yeah, i'm sorry." he says. luke watches your face falter slightly. you push off the floor and sit down beside him on the bed. he can't read your expression, but then your shoulders deflate and you start to cry.

luke sits up in a hurry. "hey, don't cry. what's wrong?"

"i'm sorry," you huff, wiping your face of tears aggressively, "i don't mean to be so emotional, i'm just- is it weird that i'm relived?" you mumble.

you look over and see his slightly confused expression, mixed with a hint of concern. you sigh, wiping your nose with the back of your hand, "I'm just so tired, and I feel like shit and I look bad, and - and all day I was making myself so anxious. what do I say to him and how do I act around him - god, I feel pathetic." you laugh at yourself, wiping your face again, "and now i'm crying infront of you! a guy who really doesn't care, i'm probably making you uncomfortable."

luke is looking at you all soft and then he places his hand over yours, clearly not worried about any tears or snot from your crying. you don't have the instinct to pull away, and you almost want to interlock your fingers.

"I do care, y/n. i'm sorry. have I been putting too much pressure on you? too much information?"

"no," you say immediately, "you've actually been keeping me from going crazy, I think." you smile at him without teeth and luke feels a pang in his chest.

"let's just stay up here," luke concludes, "we can watch some youtube on my phone."

you nod gently, swinging your legs onto the plush duvet of luke's bed. "no promises I won't fall asleep, i'm so tired."

"I don't mind ," luke says.

you find yourself nodding again, both of adjusting until you're laying down beside one another. your limbs are kept to yourself as you cuddle into his pillow, which surprisingly smelt clean. the sidemen video luke chose was playing for 10 minutes before you fell asleep, your soft snoring alerting him of your new state.

luke smiled softly, admiring the way you looked so peaceful under the glow of his phone screen. he exited the app and opened his camera, snapping a picture of you as you slept, your face illuminated by his lamp. he immediately makes it his lockscreen.

you know, he thinks, in case one of the guys questions why you aren't his lockscreen.

then he grabs your phone, opening the camera before taking a selfie of the both of you: you out cold and him with puckered lips. he can't wait until you yell at him about it.

part four: the secret glances

"can't I just fail instead?" luke groans, tossing his pencil against his textbook before slamming it shut.

"no," you say, re opening the book, "absolutely not."

you two are taking up a table in the back of the schools library: right near a big window that was currently letting in the last bit of daylight.

luke groaned, his head falling back. he stretched his long legs out, unintentionally intertwining his with yours underneath the table.

you sighed at his sulky expression. in passing, luke had mentioned he wasn't understanding some psychology assignment and was just gunna flunk it, but lucky (or unluckily given his expression) for him, you were great at the subject, and offered to meet up after his game to help him out. surprisingly, he agreed. although he wanted to do it at his house, you suggested the roudy environment of his place wasn't the best option.

"we are almost done," you tell him and he lifts his head, looking back at you with a pout. "lukeeee" you whine.

you see the corner of his mouth tug up in a smirk but he fixed his expression immediately. "okay well," he pushed all his books to your side of the table before getting up, dragging his chair around to your side.

he sits back down and turns towards you sweetly. "can you type the rest if I tell you what to say? my fingers are sore."

he's pouting again and you laugh, "you're unbelievable." but you do it anyway, angling his laptop towards yourself - and you don't even make him contribute, which luke was surprised with. you just typed out his conclusion paragraph wordlessly.

it isn't 5 minutes later before you're saving his work. "done." you say, shutting the lid. "you'll just have to spell check everything before you hand it in - which I hope you're capable of."

he scoffs out a laugh, "i'm very capable."

you get a chance to really look at his face, and you can see a black eye forming. his blinks are slow, indicating he's tired, and suddenly you feel bad for making him do this after a game.

"why are you looking at me like that?" he says.

you ignore his question and ask one of your own interest. "how'd you get the black eye?"

"high stick," he says simply.

"does it hurt?" you pout.

"not right now - did at the time." you're still staring so luke smirks, "does it make me look hot or something?"

you snap out of your daze, "what? no."

somebody shushes the two of you somewhere in the library and immediately you slap a hand to your mouth, luke laughing at your expression.

"yeah, y/n, shhh," he teases with a small laugh.

you give him a bewildered look, "did you just shush me? you know what.." you laugh, jumping up and covering his laughing mouth with your hand - he's still laughing, tickling your side which makes you squirm away. it ends up with you both getting shushed again.

you sit back, "okay, I think that's our sign to head out." luke agrees as you start to pack up your school work, admiring the way your side profile looked. you looked so beautiful: the glow of the library lamps made your jaw look softer, your eyes brighter. "let me walk you home."

you look towards him with raised brows. "I think i'll be okay."

"I wasn't asking." he says.

"okay tough guy," you smirk, brushing your fingers across his cheek bone: just under the forming black eye. he gulps and his mouth drops slightly at your soft touch - but you stop too soon, he thinks, grabbing your bag and standing up. "let's go then."

he nods with a smirk, collecting his own bag before following you out of the library, and if he watches the way your ass moves in your leggings - that's nobody's business.

part five: the feelings

your phone buzzed gently on the mattress beside your head. you groan, twisting your eyes shut harder, trying to let sleep take over. it buzzes again. you sigh, rolling away from the phone. and then it's buzzing sporadically, altering you of an incoming call.

who's calling this late, you think. the incoming call ends just as you pick your your cell.

(1) missed call from lukey 😍

(4) unread messages from lukey 😍

     heyyyyyy y/n (1:43 am)

     wha r ya boing rigt nkow? (1:51 am)

     let me in (2:06 am)

     y/n (2:06 am)

you shot up out of bed, because there's no way he was actually outside your door...right? you descend down the stairs and your thoughts are confirmed when you hear sloppy knocking and luke talking outside. you pull open the front door and you are met with hazy eyes and a dopey smile.

"luke? what the fuck are you doing?"

"I wanted to see you," he slurs, leaning his body on the door frame to steady himself.

you cross your arms, suddenly aware you just ran down the stairs and opened the door in your thin t-shirt and small loose shorts. luke didn't even notice though, he was too drunk - too tired. "it's after 2. where have you been?" you question gently.

he shrugs, "some football party but i missed you so I gave my uber your address and told him you were my girlfriend...I even showed him pictures of you, he says you're pretty," it's hard to understand him fully, but you think you got the jist of it.

"alright big guy, want me to drive you home?"

he gives you a bewildered look. "no? can't I stay here with my girlfriend?"

you grab his arm gently, pulling him inside your home. "i'm not actually your girlfriend," you whisper to him. he kicks off his shoes clumsily, tossing his coat to the floor.

"why not?" he frowns, dropping his body weight onto you and you groan out, his slurred question falling on deaf ears.

"okay, let's go upstairs," you say and he nods, wrapping his arm around your shoulders as you guide him upstairs the best you can, even if it takes a couple stumbles to get there.

you shut your bedroom door behind you, blindly moving until you can flick on your bedside lamp, illuminating the room in the a warm glow. you look over to luke, who is lying face down on your bed like a starfish.

"luke, scooch over," you say and he groans, rolling over onto his back. you climb back into bed, tucking yourself underneath the covers while he stays on top.

you are turned towards him with your eyes closed but luke can't find himself to do the same. he delicately runs a finger down the bridge of your nose and you peek one eye open at him. the corner of his lip quirks up and you raise your brow. "you have freckles," he whispers, "i've never noticed."

"that's because i'm usually wearing makeup when you see me...and more clothes." you sigh.

"I like you like this," he says and you ignore the way your heart starts beating a mile a minute. the gentle tone and sincerity of his words have you feeling warm in a way you've never felt before.

"you're drunk." you say after a moment, grabbing his hand that rested on your collarbone and giving it back to him. "get some sleep."

he laughs, grabbing your hand as you try and retract it, sliding his fingers between yours. "I like being your friend, you're actually pretty cool for someone who doesn't like hockey."

you watch as his eyes start to flutter and you have to urge to massage his scalp and rub his back and kiss him. "I like being your friend too," is what you settle for instead, pushing your thoughts deep and deeper until they become nonexistent.

"I knew you would," he smirks with his eyes closed and not a minute after his breathing slows and his hand goes limp, signalling he's entered a deep drunken sleep.

you use your free hand a turn the lamp off, the room consumed by darkness once again. you close your eyes and for the first time in a long time you don't think about matt.

you are woken up that morning by a deep groan. at first you freeze, confused on why a manly noise would be heard in your bed. you open one eye and see luke and then the night comes back to you.

luke groans again, hand covering his eyes to protect them from the stream of sunlight coming through your widow.

"luke?" you whisper.

he opens his eyes just barley, turning his head only to find you staring at him with the softest look he's ever seen. "hey," his voice is raspy. for a moment he takes in his surrounding with a confused expression, but slowly his memories come back and he groans once more. "sorry about last night."

"that's okay," you say. "I work in an hour but you don't have to leave. are you hungry? I could make you something greasy?" he's looking at you like a deer in headlights because how the hell are you so kind.

"yeah, okay," luke says, sitting up against your headboard. "but only if you let me walk you to work."

you hold the covers tight to your chest, sitting up with him. "are you sure you're not too hungover?" you tease.

he laughs softly, "i'm never too hungover for you." you roll your eyes and he feels satisfied with your reaction. "okay, go downstairs while I change, i'm pretty sure you can see everything through this damn shirt."

luke raises his brows and his signature smirk is back. "show me and I can tell you if that's true."

you giggle, like an actual giggle, and push his shoulder. "just...go downstairs, i'll be right down."

"okay fine," he smiles, leaving you alone to get changed. his phone buzzes twice in his pocket and he pulls out his cell.

rutger

dude where the hell did you end up ? 😂

luke

y/n's

rutger

ouuuu moose 🫣

rutger

don't get too attached - remember what this is dude

luke

nah i'm good

luke sighs and pockets his phone. he was kinda screwed.

part six: the party

a couple of weeks passed since luke fell asleep drunk in your bed. that next morning after you made breakfast, luke had walked you to work like he said, kissing your cheek before you went inside, which was just...rude. after that, every couple days you and luke would meet up whenever your schedules aligned to discuss your plan. he continued to give you tips and ideas to land with matt, and you think they were working. matt started small talk with you in every morning class, and he even complimented you once.

although things with matt were progressing, it didn't feel as you thought it may. when he spoke to you, you didn't get butterflies like expected and when he looked at you, you didn't feel warm. often in class, his opinions weren't ones to be proud of - and his comments and remarks gave you something like an ick.

but, you think of all the work you and luke have put into this damn relationship hunt and you have to push those feelings away and plaster on a smile.

the party you were currently standing in the middle of, was hosted at one of the basketball players fraternity: the captain, you're pretty sure. well, matt was the one who invited you...kind of. it happened after class the previous day. you had been walking out with dylan duke, two of you discussing the homework you planned on finishing before luke got back home to 'steal you away' - in the words of dylan - and matt had just pushed between you and interrupted.

before dylan could say anything, matt had just straight up asked if you were coming. which, no you obviously weren't planning on going unless the guys were going. then matt notices it was dylan you were with and he completely switches personalities. eventually, dylan shared that the team was planning on stopping in and that you'd probably be going as well.

then, before matt walked away, he sent you a smirk. it was happening, you think, all the hard work you've forced yourself through and you force yourself to get excited.

"hey! you made it." matt's deep voice snaps you out of your own head and his hand clamps on your shoulder.

you wipe your hands down the front of your black mini skirt and send him a closed mouth smile. the month of may had finally started to feel like may, so you immediately took the opportunity to wear a summery outfit. "I did, yeah," you smile, letting matt give you a brief side hug.

you're not sure where his sudden touchiness came from but you ignore it.

"you want a drink?" he asks and you nod once.

"yeah, sure, lead the way." he brings you over to the open kitchen, and pours you some mystery liquor in a red cup. you thank him, trying not to cringe at the first sip, your tastebuds attacked by the amount of vodka. "so," matt says, "how are you feeling about almost being done the year?"

you nod, "yeah, i'm excited. ready for a break," you laugh and matt laughs gently with you.

"I hear that. is luke nervous about playoffs starting soon?"

"I think he's okay," you say, because you actually have no idea. he's never mentioned anything like that when you've been around but you kind of wished he did. the urge to ditch matt and make

luke tell you every doubt and worry he's ever had overcomes your body - but you stay put.

"nice," matt hums, eyes leaving your figure to look out into the bustling party. then, his brows raise and he lets out a low whistle, "isn't that luke over there?"

you look over in the direction matt was referring to, and see a taller blonde girl talking to your fake boyfriend. you nod, swallowing your spit harshly as you watch them interact. the girl was so beautiful, with long tan legs, and honey coloured hair, shiny teeth and perfect skin. she was your complete opposite. "are you guys having problems, or something?" matt asks, eyes dancing over your unreadable expression. "shit, that's girls a rocket - that's tough, kid."

you knaw on your lip to try and stop from lashing out at matt's tone. "ummm, yeah. we are fighting. looks like he's found someone to peek his interest," you laugh awkwardly but your eyes don't leave luke's tall figure from across the room.

luke smiles at something the girl says and your heart stops momentarily.

"fuck, maybe you should do the same," matt says, and your head snaps over in his direction.

"yeah, maybe."

he smirks at you, "hey, wanna come upstairs with me? I have a question about our next assignment. I heard you and dylan talking about it the other day, and you're like nerdy so i figured you'd have the answers."

your face falls. of course there's an actual reason why matt was seeking your attention. he needed help with a fucking word problem because his stupid pea brain couldn't handle thinking - you stop your own thoughts and take a deep breath.

you plaster on a smile, "sure."

matt doesn't sense your attitude and just smirks again. then, he leads you both up the stairs near the back of the house, his hand hovering the small of your back as you walk infront of him.

rutger was watching you and matt interact in the kitchen from his spot in the living room with an amused smirk on his lips. he watched as your eyes flashed with real jealousy as luke and the blonde girl, named sam, flirt. or rather, sam flirt and luke just responding occasionally.

as rutger watches you admire his teammate from across the party, he really thinks luke is doing it. you are falling for him. he didn't think luke had it in him, and just when rutger was about to say something teasing to luke, he watches matt lead you upstairs to the bedrooms - the basketball player almost touching you. rutger sees the look on your face and he's pushing away from the wall and over to his teammate.

rutger grabbed luke's shoulder harshly, "dude why is matthew johnson leading your girl upstairs?"

luke's eyes have never moved faster, and he catches a glimpse of your face before you're gone behind the wall and luke's stomach plummets. something wasn't right.

"what part of the assignment did you need help with?" you ask once you walk into what is assumingely, matt's bedroom. the idea of being in his bedroom isn't all that exciting, and it smells like boy in the worst way.

you place your cup down on his desk just as matt shuts the bedroom door behind you two, the click of the latch echoing throughout the room.

you spin on your heels so you can face matt again, and as you do, you find him much closer than you thought he'd be. your eyes widen, and you take a step back. unfortunately, his desk is in your way, and you bump into the wood.

"sorry," he laughs breathlessly at your reaction, he takes another step closer to you and your stomach drops.

"you just, scared me. you were closer than expected." you laugh once breathlessly, wringing your hands out in front of you. "so the assignment?"

you freeze as matt reaches out, tucking a piece of your loose hair behind your ear. "i don't actually need help with the assignment," he mumbles with a laugh, his fingers moving across your collarbone, "i'm pretty sure my grade is higher than yours," he chimes, hand grabbing onto your bicep to pull you even closer.

you chest bumps against his and you feel yourself flushing warm with panick. you try and tug your arm away, but he's too strong. you should shout, be loud...but you can only whimper, "what are you doing?"

he gives you a look, brows furrowing as if he can't understand why you'd be confused at his actions. "i'm helping you peek your interest, obviously," his fingers dig deeper into your muscle, the hand that was once on your collarbone comes up to hold your face tightly. "luke doesn't know what he's got - with me, it'll be good" matt tells you.

"no. let me go." your voice struggles to be louder than a whisper. "stop," you plead, but he shushes you, lips attaching themselves to your neck.

"matt, please." you whimper, tears falling down your cheeks but he doesn't listen to your obvious distress, continuing to touch you in a way you never once gave him the impression of wanting.

the door knob behind him jiggles, trying to be pried open. you cry harder. the door knob continued to move, altering you that somebody was trying to get in.

you need to scream, your brain tells you. this is a chance to let somebody save you from something horrible. but your voice feels lost - body feels numb. you should've never come up to the room, you think. and suddenly, you feel stupid for allowing yourself to be in this situation. you're frozen as matt continues to ignore your earlier pleas.

"y/n?!" the voice is muffled through the door as somebody calls out to you. it takes your body a moment to react but you feel yourself come to. your brain catching up as you recognize the voice behind the door.

with that, you find your voice again. "luke!" you cry out and it isn't a moment later the door is busted open, revealing rutger and the man who called out for you. matthew jumps off you in shock.

one look at your pale face and matt's close proximity, the puzzle pieces are pieced together.

immediately luke rushes forward, grabbing matthew by the collar of his shirt, pushing him up against the wall roughly, rattling the pictures that hung.

rutger rushes towards you, checking over your face for any injuries. it's all happening too fast, and you didn't even notice when you started to cry, but now you are full on sobbing, watching luke grab onto matthew.

you close your eyes once he begins to shout, holding onto your own arms.

"if you ever touch her, look at her or even think of my girlfriend ever again, it will be the last thing you ever do. consider yourself done with anything to do with her or your future at this school - you piece of shit."

rutger moves forward, pulling luke's hands off of matthew, "let's go." he says. "he's not worth your words - he's a fucking joke."

luke is breathing heavily, anger still evident as he releases the collar of matt's shirt. just as he begins to turn away from the basketball player, luke pauses, faces matt again, pulls his fist back and hits matthew square in the jaw. "never again!" luke says once more, looking down at matthew who fell to the floor from the force of the punch.

people start to make their way up the stairs and towards the door from the commotion. curses and gasps echo through your ears as party goers take in the sight. you feel so embarrassed - not with luke hitting someone but rather in yourself for being in the situation.

luke turns his body fully away from matt and sees your tear stained face, still pale and delicate. his heart breaks and stomach falls, and he rushes towards you. something that sounds like a coo passes his lips quietly, his eyes softening and he pulls you under his arm. "i've got you, it's okay."

you're still crying as luke leads you away from the room and curious party people, walking you both swiftly down the stairs. rutger is a few feet behind you, making sure everybody knows what a terrible person their star basketball player is.

"did you drive?" luke asks gently as you exit the house.

the fresh air has you shaking, "no, I ubered."

"want us to bring you home?" rutger pipes up from behind you and luke. you nod softly, body still quivering. luke squeezes you tighter.

the ride back to your place was silent, even rutger didn't make any moves to speak, which was out of character. not even a joke or quip could break the tense silence after the serious incident. the only sounds are the tires against pavement and the song playing quietly on the radio.

thankfully, luke chooses to sit with you in the backseat. he doesn't push you into talking or explaining what happened before he showed up and you're so thankful for that. instead, he lets you hold onto his arm tightly and sniffle into his shoulder.

the tires squeak with a stop not long after, signalling your arrival back home.

"thanks for the ride," you say quietly. luke watches your sad eyes and still shaking hands and he sits up a little straighter. he places his hand on rutgers shoulder, "hey, do you mind waiting for a minute, i'm gunna walk her inside."

"of course, moose." rutger says. he sends you one more gentle glance before luke is ushering you both out the backseat to make the short journey up the stairs to your home.

the house is quiet when you two get inside as your roommates are out for the night, leaving you and luke alone. with that in mind, as soon as the door shuts behind him, you really start to cry. you turn your body to look at him and immediately luke's somber frown deepens, and he wraps you in a proper hug. "i'm so sorry that happened." he whispers into your hair.

"I feel so stupid," you sob.

luke pulls back slightly and looks down at your teary face, "why? you're not stupid."

you sniffle, "I really thought he was a good guy, you saw it anytime we talked - that look on my face. i've wasted your time, all the help you've given me, how could I not know this would happen? these past few days he's not given me any good signs and i shouldnt of gone to the party - or upstairs, and...this is my fault."

luke gently holds your face, and his touch subsided your cries momentarily. "you are not stupid and it is not your fault. what happened tonight was awful and that shouldn't of gone down. i'm sorry baby." neither of you blink at the pet name - it was just normal now. all of this between the two of you was normal now. "you didn't waste my time, i've never had more fun with anybody than i've had spending time with you. I don't even care that it had to do with matthew," his name is said in disgust, "because it turned into more than that."

"you promise?" you're looking at him how you always did but luke has never felt the feeling he currently had swirling in his chest and stomach. "I promise."

you smile slightly and you think if this was under any other circumstance you would've kissed him but instead you say, "can you stay the night? rutger can stay too if he wants."

"of course i'll stay." he says in confidence.

you and luke fall asleep in your bed soon after, rutgers snoring can barley be heard from his spot on the couch. as you're dozing off, you can't help but think maybe hockey players aren't so bad after all.

link to playlist

[morganitering]

Because I'm the Weakest II: The Women Who Never Won

Pairings/character dynamics: Satosugu, Shoko and reader, Nanami and reader, implied shoko x utahime

Contains and warnings: DARK FIC/DEAD DOVE fem!reader, Suicidal ideation, rape aftermath, referenced rape (not written out in this chap), depression, alcohol abuse, misogyny & sexism, internalized sexism, sexual harassment on minors done by minors, victim blaming (thoughts), self harm, angst, hurt & comfort, I call noncon with the official word for it

Word count: ~9,6k

Summary: There's certain desperation when you try to keep your head above water. You were drowning and all you wanted to do was to forget, the weight on your shoulders unbearable. Despite the cards you were dealt with you found yourself among allies as the web of untold memories started to unfold.

A/N: Hey! Yall waited long for this, sorry about that. I have no idea how to tag this but I'll just do it somehow, bc this is a tricky chapter. Here yall get to dive deeper in the stuff that has gone down before the events that took place in 1st chap and get a hug from Shoko. This is hopefully the last installment of this. Read the tags carefully as always and make informed decisions based on that and take care of yourself. Shit can get heavy, but I'm trying to do this in good taste.

Read on ao3 part I

Shoko Ieiri had worked a long time with people who suffered. She had seen it all, limbs cut off, even the toughest of sorcerers reduced to crying messes as they practically had their innards falling to the floor. There’s something utterly horrifying watching a patient, no – a friend scream in pain when even her skills were not enough. Funerals came and went, the white sheet thrown over the deceased on the operation table in the same routine way she’d change her linens. Nothing really shocked her. 

That’s what she liked to think. 

Your visits have been more frequent. It started with bruises and sprained ankles. Then it was broken bones that soon turned to puncture wounds, your clothes sticky with deep red and dirt. When she asked about it, you laughed it off saying it’s nothing, just a silly little mishap, “I was too reckless in the heat of the moment.”  But your eyes were empty, your words hollow like a dead tree. Of course Shoko did her job, without asking too much. You’re an adult and you’ll speak about it if you want to, right? Her job was to keep you alive. Your job was to exorcise curses. 

Shoko and you had been close too, hanging out with the two men, but at some point in high school she had withdrawn from the group. Gojo and Geto had tried to keep in touch with her in adulthood, inviting her as well to spend time together as the four of them, but she had always declined, smoothly changing their relationship to acquaintances at best. She heard enough of the despicable men from you. The only times she was in direct contact with Gojo and Geto was work related and god how she hoped that it would stay that way. She’ll play that pretend game almost happily. 

Shoko closed the office door the day turning to evening, sundown coloring the city in hues of orange and yellow. She held onto her little black purse, thankfully it was friday. A man stood on the long corridor, standing upright as if he did not belong here. He looked indifferent, almost bored.

“Nanami.” 

“Ieiri.” 

They greeted each other with a curt nod. 

“So what brings you here? You seem healthy enough,” Shoko asked as they walked to the open parking lot, only a few cars in sight. The warm summer sun caressed her cheeks, wind making her long hair flow in waves.

“I think she’s going through something,” Nanami stated as a matter of fact talking about you. He and you had gone on missions together, but something about you wasn’t right. He had seen the way you clutch your weapon, throw yourself at the enemy recklessly almost as if you had a death wish. It’s like you waited for your end. 

“No shit.” Shoko chuckled amused. It was as clear as a day if you just had eyes on yourself. “Why do you care?” 

“I’ve seen enough people spiral to know where it leads. You’re a healer, can’t you help?” His voice was thoughtful, not betraying a hint of emotions. 

“I can’t help a person who doesn’t want it,” Shoko said. “But I’ll try to figure something out.” 

“And that is enough. Thank you.” 

***

You hated meetings and rarely took part in them if you could avoid them. You had not met Gojo or Geto after the unfortunate night. If there were some work related things where there was a possibility to meet either of the men, you requested to be part of them remotely or that someone would just forward the key points. But after doing this for a few months Yaga had sent you a passive-aggressive email writing that it is absolutely mandatory for you to show yourself at least once in a while. You didn’t bother to answer him with anything other than a polite see you there.

Honestly you were tired. Your whole body ached in overexertion. Sleep escaped from you, ran a marathon around the block never stopping at your house, and every time you seemed to catch a break, hazy images you rather forbid being real filled your vision. Your eyebags told a story of exhaustion, your body shrinking in every possible way away. You went to see a doctor, not Shoko, just some normal practitioner from the private sector that you ended up paying yourself sick for. 

The doctor gave you pills to help you with sleep. He asked you if you were stressed or going through some sorts of crisis. You answered with a diligent no and explained that you’ve always had issues with sleep, but you were otherwise okay. He looked at you, raising his eyebrow in suspicion, the glasses on his head hung on his nose by a thread. He decided to believe you as he wrote the prescription, but insisted you took home pamphlets about depression and crisis hotlines. 

You tried the pills. You did fall asleep, but only after a panic attack wrecked through your body as the effect of the medication forced you into a deep slumber. The pills made you feel your pulse in your whole body. “It’s a quite strong product, previously used to treat psychosis, but nowadays it’s for patients with severe insomnia. Take it one hour before sleep. The effect might be really sudden.”  

When you woke up you decided to throw them away. It’s better to not to sleep if it meant that you’d go free from the horrors of the night you had experienced. 

The huge meeting table sprawled out horizontally and was able to sit around fifteen people in it. It had several small electric outlets for computers and tablets. Light poured in from the big windows, the blinds only halfway done. You stared at the weird scribbling on the white board that Principal Yaga was wiping furiously, muttering things about how students shouldn’t be let in this room under any circumstance since they can’t differentiate which markers are okay to use on it. 

You exchanged pleasantries with him. The room was devoid of people since you were too early. You swung your leather bag on the back of the upholstered office chair and sat yourself down.

Shoko walked in and her face lit up a little bit when she saw you sitting there. It was subtle, you thought that you were maybe the only one who could differentiate that expression from her. She sat next to you, a faint hint of neroli wrapping you to its calming aroma. 

Next came Meimei and then Utahime who came running to you two giving a happy hug to Shoko. They were so cute together, you thought to yourself as you fidgeted with your slightly too big shoes, constantly removing them and pushing them back to your feet. People don’t usually like small talk, but nonetheless the group chatted with each other. They had to, because it’s polite and you were coworkers. You thought that small talk was easy. The script of it was burnt to your brains for the rest of your life. You get to keep people at an arm's length and keep up appearances, so what’s there not to like? 

A familiar blonde man stood in the doorway. You checked your phone for the time. Only five minutes before the official start. Yuki also appeared after Nanami.  

“Hello,” he said and nodded at you as he sat himself next to you. Your whole body stiffened around him. It was hard to look him in the eyes and even harder to work missions with.

It was ten minutes past the official time when the meeting was supposed to start. 

“Sorry we are late.” Two men marched in the room with confident strides and took their place in front of you facing you, that was sitting in between Nanami and Shoko, Utahime next to the doctor. Suguru sat down next to Yuki leaving a space for Satoru who had Meimei next to him. 

Hearing Suguru’s voice made your skin crawl. 

“It’s fine,” Yaga said and looked over his shoulder to look at the white screen he had pulled down earlier with only a blue screen reflecting on the fabric. “I can’t seem to get this work anyway,” he mumbled. 

“Do you need help?” Suguru walked over to the man struggling over his laptop. “Have you checked the HDMI-cable?” 

“Of course I have, I just don’t understand why it won't work. We have Ijichi remote today,” he muttered partially to himself.  

“Let me.” 

You sat fidgeting on your chair focusing on everything else than the two men and their presence that suffocated you. If you were a candle they’d be snuffing you out but not properly, no, that would be too kind. They’d always let enough air in so that you’d never be completely put out. 

“Hello to you girls.. and Nanami,” Satoru flashed a playful grin at the four of you. Your head jerked involuntarily to look at the man. Thank god he has a habit of covering his eyes, but somehow that made him even worse. 

“Hello. How are you?” Nanami nodded politely. 

“I’m well. Hopefully the work isn’t stressing you out too much.” Satoru’s smile widened. 

“Speaking of work, I’ve heard that you and her have started doing missions together,” Satoru nudged his head towards you as he spoke directly to Nanami. “I actually green lighted the idea of sorcerers working more together. It’s good to practice teamwork and I put in good words for the two of you, since you compliment each other with the techniques you have. ” Satoru moved his head to look your way as he drew out his words in a way that you’d be sure to catch the dual meaning.

The wall flashed a few times showing the computer screen and it’s default wallpaper for only a moment and after that went back to blue. 

“An idea that I actually can get behind,” Nanami said agreeably. 

Your eye twitched. 

“Really? That was your doing?” You barely hid the anger of your voice. One more push and you’d pour your life savings on an amoral hitman, not that you’d believe that anyone could finish him off. It was a thought just for you so you could at least think about being mean in your own petty way. 

“Not a fan of working in groups of two? How about in groups of three?” 

“You fucking piece of-” 

“Okay I think it’s working now,” Yaga put his hands together straightening himself properly. Suguru walked over to Satoru, slightly shaking his head before he sat down. You heard Utahime’s quiet “okayy..” whispered in the awkward silence. 

“Unfortunately principal Gakuganji wasn’t able to make it today, he’s sick or something.”

You heard Gojo scoff audibly. 

“Try to respect him.” Yaga shot a glare in the young teacher’s way. 

“Ijichi and Nitta have gathered data about the hotspots of cursed activity,” he continued and opened up the window to teams only to be greeted by a tired looking black haired man in a suit. The background behind him was red, it looked like some type of wallpaper and small paintings covered the walls. You reckoned it was a hotel room. Or a motel, you really could not tell. 

“Ijichi, do you hear me? Would you like to take over?” Yaga’s voice boomed louder as if he wasn’t already near his computer. 

The grainy picture of the tired man smiling uncomfortably stayed still a little too long to be taken as a real time reaction to Yaga’s question. 

“I hear you. Sorry, the connection here is a bit bad.” Ijichi’s voice echoed in the office room. The picture of a slideshow appeared on the wall, making Ijichi’s face smaller. 

The map of Tokyo loomed on the wall as everyone stared at it intensely, more or less dozing off. Some parts of it had big red circles on them and Ijichi explained the way these places were having exceptionally heavy activity. He reckoned that partially the rise in activity tied to the sorcerers working more missions together leaving less people available. Ijichi also showed statistics comparing the effectiveness of sorcerers based in Tokyo and Kyoto. 

You were about to lose your mind, your body still pumping adrenaline after the conversation with Gojo. Everyone else seemed to be bored, oblivious to your struggle. Satoru had yawned at least three times in the last ten minutes, Shoko and Utahime were both interested in their nails. Even Suguru looked tired and he was pretty good at hiding his thoughts. The only ones who did not look outwardly dead inside were Yaga and Nanami. 

“Thank you Ijichi for your hard work,” Yaga said and Ijichi nodded smiling. The pop up of the slideshow vanished from the screen leaving Ijichi’s face in a huge resolution looming onto the wall. 

“We are going to take in account the effects of pairing up sorcerers. I’m not entirely in charge of how long this trial will take,” Yaga said. “Ieiri has this trial affected the health care aspect in any way?” 

Shoko cleared her throat tapping open the ipad in front of her, her nails making a satisfying click click sound. 

“The injuries have lessened,” she started. That’s good, you thought. “But the severity has increased,” she said with a serious face.

“Why is that?” Principal scrunched his eyebrows together. 

“In my professional opinion it is due to people being more brazen when having a partner. This can be seen especially in lower grade sorcerers, who are prone to believing that they are invincible when someone backs them up.” Everyone had turned to look at the doctor who played with her hair idly as she spoke. 

“And the second grade and up?”

“It happens less. But there are some, even first grade sorcerers, who are accident prone,” Shoko said and quickly looked at you, not long enough for others to pick up on that she was speaking about you.

Gojo’s phone rang in the middle of the conference. He left the room with an apology and never came back. Relief and anger ignited in you playing tug of war in your heart as your eyes followed him bitterly.

“I think this is all. I’ll send everyone the upcoming jobs, but if no one has anything to say, I think we can conclude this meeting here,” Yaga said, the choir of thank yous and goodbyes filling the room. 

You stretched yourself, happy to be on your feet again. 

“Hey, can we talk?” Nanami tried to get your attention. 

You stood in the room that was quickly emptying out of people. Shoko awkwardly hung around in a small distance from you and Nanami, trying to pretend that she wasn’t listening to your conversation. 

“I don’t entirely understand the conversation between you and Gojo, but if I have somehow disrespected you I offer my deepest apologies.” Nanami’s voice was soft. Your heart ached as you realized how bad your words must have appeared to him. 

“I’m so sorry. It’s not about you. You’ve done nothing..” You trailed off as you saw the tall curse eating man walk outside with a sly smile on his lips.

“That’s a relief but if I may be so blunt, I have a hunch that there is something bothering you,” Nanami said. 

You looked at him and chewed your lower lip nervously. This was all their fault. If they had not done what they did, you would not be in this position. The least they could have done is to keep the names of people you know out of their mouths. 

“I’m sorry to leave you hanging like this, but can we finish this conversation later?” You  hurried past him, only hearing Nanami mumble the word ‘sure’ like a kicked puppy and you said goodbye to Shoko agreeing on staying in touch with her.

The corridor was almost empty as you walked through the school building frantically searching for that bastard of a man. Your footsteps echoed on the wood as you arrived at a not so well known exit of the building. Geto stood in front of the dual doors, half heartedly pushing it open as he furiously wrote something on his phone. 

You yelled out his name, but he did not bother to react to you. You closed in on the man that was still standing back towards you. Anger surged in you as adrenaline made you braver than what you normally would be. You were supposed to just grab the ends of his hair that were sprawled across his back, but in the heat of the moment your impulse control had another lapse as you kept on raising your hand. A fist closed around the bun that had been carefully crafted on his scalp and you dug your fingers around the hair tie and then yanked, hard. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” He turned around stepping out of the doorway letting it close properly with a thump and he closed the distance between you for good. His eyes shot daggers at you. 

“You did not pay attention to me.” You shook your hand out of the spare strands that were stuck on your palm and offered the small hair tie back to him. 

“Well you got it now,” he hissed. “You can keep that as a souvenir. I don’t want anything that a filthy bitch like you has touched,” he said, the calm composure nowhere in sight. 

A filthy bitch? Really? Then maybe you should break up with Satoru if this is your deal breaker.. That’s what you wanted to say, but you held back your tongue. 

Geto took a deep breath, calming himself down, slipping on the mask that you were more used to seeing. He put his phone back in his pocket.

“What do you want?” 

“You told me,” you started, tears threatening to flow over. “You told me that I can just leave and do whatever I want. Why do you keep tormenting me? Why do you let Gojo do what he does?” Your voice broke as you started crying openly. You hated it, it made you weak. No. You were weak. 

“Firstly, I’m not his guardian. He can do what he wants.” He sounded like a smartass. 

“Second of all, never. And I repeat. Never, lay a hand on me ever again, especially on my hair.” You rolled your eyes. 

Of course it was the hair that ticked him off completely. It was his crown, the only thing he had ever been able to take care of besides Satoru. Suguru loved to flaunt himself as the calm one, the kind one, but the exterior had always had some cracks in it. No amount of paint was able to hide the rotten wall behind it. 

“I can forgive your outburst at Satoru’s, but now that you’re in your right mind, you won’t get second chances.” 

“I don’t want ‘second chances’. I want you to leave me the fuck alone so I can do my job,” you yelled at him. 

“Lower your voice. Or do you want to air out all the dirty laundry for everyone?” Geto hushed you. 

“It’s not my ‘laundry’, it’s fucking yours!” You roared and tears fell down your cheeks blurring your vision. Your face felt hot as it got wrapped in the wrath of your words. 

Geto did not answer you, instead he chose to stare you down, not moving at all as if he was a statue. He looked like a child throwing a tantrum when things did not go his way, his face contorting to a sneer that could challenge any rich spoiled brat. You panted and wiped your face with the rough backside of your palm. 

“Move.”

“Ladies first,” he snickered childishly and kicked open the heavy door with his foot as he stepped slightly to the side. God this man hangs out too much with Gojo. 

As you left the school grounds barely holding your breakdown away, there was one figure in the corridors hugging the wall near the exit, clutching onto her purse. 

***

SHOKO’S MEMORIES, 2006

“Truth or dare?” Satoru asked, popping the pink bubblegum in the air, sucking the sticky material back in his mouth to chew on loudly. 

“Truth,” Shoko said, placing another cigarette in her mouth. She smoked especially heavily when she was drinking. 

Satoru had managed to bring a whole six pack of beer to the picnic whereas Suguru had found a travel size vodka bottle from his parents. Shoko had brought a package of different berries and salty crackers with her. 

“If you could have any technique in the world, which one would you have?” Satoru asked. He looked at the clear blue sky and the way the summer breeze pushed on the white clouds. 

Shoko played with the corner of the blanket as she thought deeply about his question. She stared at the shoes she had placed on the grass and the manicure on her toes that Utahime had insisted on putting on her. 

“I think I’d keep this one,” she smiled wistfully. 

“Really? You wouldn’t want my powers?” Satoru looked at her tilting his head to the side. He spat out the chewing gum and placed it on the plastic lid that belonged to the packaging of berries. He did not like it when things ran out of flavor, always searching for something more. 

“No. I don’t envy you at all. I just want a happy life and that’s all” Shoko answered his gaze, with a gentle smile. “Besides, I like the way I am and I suppose I can help people like this,” she added. 

Satoru hummed. He was clearly dissatisfied with the answer. 

He did not exactly know why. 

“Satoru, that's sad. You should ask something fun,” Suguru pointed out and took a sip from the beer can. 

The three of them sat on a grassy hill that had a pretty decent view of the city and the park below it. Shoko leaned against the huge tree behind her back. The cicadas were performing their own concert with the hum of motorways working as their orchestra.  

“You figure out better questions then,” Satoru pouted, but wasn’t actually hurt. 

“Isn’t it my turn to ask though?” 

Shoko looked in the distance watching closely how a woman jogged with her shiba inu, her ponytail swishing in the same rhythm as the chord of her headphones. Both men nodded slightly out of sync. 

“Satoru truth or dare?” 

“Truth.” 

“Who’s the hottest person you know?” Her eyes twinkled teasingly. 

“Waka Inoue of course. She’s sexy as hell!” Satoru slapped his hand on his heart as if he was saluting. 

“Really? You still have a crush on her?” Suguru questioned. It was his turn to pout. “Am I not enough?” 

“Baby you’re plenty, but you can’t replace a huge rack,” Satoru’s voice was steady as if he was talking about the most important thing in the whole world. 

“I can’t argue with that.” Suguru sighed defeatedly, his shoulders slumping down dramatically. 

“Ugh. I shouldn’t have asked that. Both of you are so weird and gross about women,” Shoko grimaced regretting her decisions and lifted the cigarette to her mouth as if to cover the bad taste of Satoru’s words. 

The man in sunglasses ignored the criticizing words. “Suguru. Truth or dare?” 

“Dare.” 

“I dare you to share this,” Satoru lifted up a huge strawberry. “Like in Lady and the Tramp with Shoko,” he referred to the scene where the two dogs shared a spaghetti meal, eventually kissing. 

“That’s too small!” Shoko protested immediately, shaking her head. The idea of doing that with Suguru made her feel iffy. 

“I’m game if she is,” Suguru said and offered his palm to Satoru who plopped the berry in his hands. 

Shoko had a nervous giggle come out of her. 

“C’mon, it’s just a game. You can always let go after like one bite. This is truth or dare afterall,” Satoru coaxed. 

“Fine. But I won’t kiss you, not even a peck.” Shoko established her own rule and rolled her eyes. She put out the cigarette on the grass and left the butt there. 

“We’ll see about that,” Suguru laughed and picked at the stem that got thrown over next to the chewed up gum. 

He awkwardly came closer to the young female student and placed the bigger end between his lips. He looked silly, the red end peeking out of his mouth. Suguru attempted at mouthing the words ‘come closer’, but neither Satoru or Shoko understood his words but the context clue carried the point to Shoko. 

She got on her knees sitting on top of her legs and straightened herself out. Suguru was way taller than her, even when he sat. Her face approached Suguru’s who had a pink tint on his cheeks from the alcohol he had drank.  

She opened her mouth and barely bit down on the smaller end, her tongue touching the bumpy texture of the strawberry. 

“Ready. Set. Go!” Satoru exclaimed, motioning finger guns happily. His gaze was completely glued on his two friends. 

Suguru closed his eyes and he started to carefully nibble, closing dangerously on Shoko’s lips. She bit quickly, not really tasting anything and began to pull away in hopes of Suguru calling it quits too. 

Unfortunately she wasn’t fast enough. The last bits of strawberry fell down on Shoko’s lap when Suguru pressed his lips against hers, a faint red trail dripping on her chin. She didn’t move and her eyes widened in shock. Shoko didn’t know what to do so she just held her hands on her lap. 

Suguru pet gently behind the girl’s head kissing her motionless lips. His hand trailed down to her neck and all the way to her shoulder. Shoko felt the sweet taste in her mouth mixing with the alcohol, stranger’s saliva and nicotine as Suguru dragged his hand to the mound of her breast. The warmth emanating from his palm was enough to bring her back to reality and Shoko pushed the bigger guy off of her. 

“Why did you do that?” she snapped and crossed her arms. 

“Oh don’t get angry now. Have a drink and chill out.” Satoru sighed. He shuffled awkwardly and placed the almost empty tote bag on his lap and grabbed a new beer can from there. Shoko narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but did not want to make room for any weird thoughts that would imply even weirder things. “It’s just a joke.” 

“This is not the first time you take jokes too far.”

Shoko looked away from the two boys, disappointment turning into an ache in her heart and wiped her chin clean from the strawberry. She slipped on the ballerinas laying on the ground. 

“Seriously? You’re leaving because of this?” Suguru tilted his head, his voice defensive.

Shoko threw her cigarettes and lighter in her own purse checking the blanket for other stuff she had. 

“Yeah, I am. I’m not having fun anymore.” Her voice was cold as she was attempting to hide the nervous tremble in her body and almost jumped up throwing the bag on her shoulder. She turned around, once again crossing her hands against her chest as if to protect herself and started walking.

“Hey! Don’t you want your blanket with you?” Satoru yelled after her. The two guys sat on the quilt completely bamboozled. 

“Keep it! I don’t need it!” 

She didn’t eat strawberries for the rest of the summer. 

***

“Hey you really should sing this one!” Shoko laughed as she scrolled through the song list.

“Whaat? No that’s not even funny,” you laughed and slapped her arm gently. 

“Is it really not? Or are you just a bore?” Shoko taunted getting ready to put the song on.

“Can we sing something from this?” You pointed at the category called 2000’s hits. 

“I’ll pick something at random and you’re just going to deal with it,” Shoko laughed clearly tipsy too after the multiple drinks you both had drank. 

The disco ball was spinning around the small room painting the walls in hues of blue, red and green. Nanami sat on the couch nursing his whiskey as he stared off into space. The upbeat music filled the room, bass shaking the ground underneath your feet.

It was the first time going out after the events at Gojo’s house. Shoko had basically begged you to come with her to get shit faced complaining that she really needed someone to rant with. You told her that Utahime was right there and would probably love to listen to her, but she claimed that the woman from Kyoto had other plans for the weekend.

After arriving at the karaoke bar you had been taken back after seeing the stoic blonde man at the venue. You weighed the option of immediately leaving in your head, but your conscience did not allow you to do so, after leaving him so rudely hanging in the meeting. When the three of you had gotten your own private room you decided to immediately order shots and drinks with the only goal of getting absolutely black out drunk tonight despite having Nanami there. 

It was honestly rare to see him after work as he had preferred to keep his distance. He was wearing the same clothing he always wore, dress shirt ironed, necktie perfectly hanging against his chest as if he was on the clock. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he were to whip out a cursed tool onto the bar table. 

You clutched onto the microphone singing unevenly as you danced to the beat, half of the syllables disappearing to you being out of breath. Shoko cackled, almost folding over as she kept slapping her thigh eyes watering. She had drunk a few drinks less than you and she had been exceptionally happy even before drinking. Truthfully Shoko was quite a heavy drinker and she definitely should not have been as wasted as what she appeared to be. 

Nanami stared at the both of you, raising the whiskey glass to his lips after checking his wrist watch. 

“Come here! Sing with us!” You yelled to the mic only getting a slightly alarmed expression out of him as he shook his head.

“I think I’m okay with watching you two perform,” he said. 

You pouted but kept on singing, your concentration skills nonexistent. You did not notice the way Shoko glared at him, nudging her head towards you as she pointed the microphone in her hand towards him. 

Nanami cleared his throat under the threatening gaze and clumsily got up. 

“Oh my god! Nanamiii!” You screamed the noise so high pitched that even the speakers were unable to handle it and you could see how Nanami cringed at the sound. 

Shoko squinted her eyes and mouthed the word sing to Nanami. Shoko was not going to deal with you alone. 

The combination of the pop song and Nanami’s voice made you giggle as you hurrayed him happily. He was not a bad singer by any means, but his voice did not fit the song choice. You wondered to yourself, why had you not gotten shitfaced earlier when you had all the good reasons to. 

Shoko decided to take a small break sitting on the spot where Nanami had been earlier and inspected the brown liquid swishing in the glass. She stole a sip from it when Nanami wasn’t watching, not really caring about the fact that it wasn’t her drink.

You grabbed your drink from the table and drank from it and you kept on singing happily, almost jumping around. Nanami looked at you with a terrified expression when you moved side to side with the drink spilling on your hand, but you did not notice the wetness of it. 

“Hey, put that down before you drop the glass,” Nanami said and gently tried to take the glass from you.

“No, I want to keep this,” a pout formed on your face but you still did what he told and turned around swiftly to place the drink on the counter. Your vision was blurry, the lights slightly too bright and you lost your balance tipping over the glass that was already safely on the table. You felt yourself starting to fall but a strong arm snaked around your waist to stabilize you. 

The world felt like it was stopping when the arm around you changed into a tight rope that pressed around your ribcage. The karaoke room changed inch by inch to a vast room with a wall made of windows with a night view of the streets of Tokyo. The shattered drink turned into a broken light bulb on the floor. You felt a hot breath on your skin, but your body had gotten cold. It was as if you had been dunked into ice water, all the earlier excitement completely vanished. The disco ball spun around casting blue lights on the white haired man’s face that ogled you like a piece of meat. The imagery was so vivid and real in your mind that you reacted on instinct, elbowing the man behind you. 

The rope vanished around you as the windows melted to the concrete floor, the shadows of city lights turned back to the tacky illumination of the disco ball. You felt the remnants of cursed energy fizzing out like a soda can as your eyes landed on Nanami, who was slightly hunched over holding onto his side the pain making him grimace. You had no idea how much force you had actually used, but probably quite a lot judging by the way Nanami was reacting. 

Shoko stood there completely still, eyes filled to the brim with worry and confusion. Her lips were ajar and she gulped down wanting to say something, but she did not know what. 

“My apologies. I didn't mean to touch you inappropriately,” Nanami managed to say. The music track played in the background, but it felt empty without a drunken voice guiding it. He was lucky to have good reflexes, instinctually protecting himself from the blow, otherwise Shoko would have had a patient off the clock. 

“Uh,” Your mouth gaped at him hopelessly. He had done nothing wrong. 

“I’ll go for a cigarette,” you blurted out and left the room hurriedly. The long hallway stretched in front of your eyes as you looked at the numbers on karaoke booths, only muted colors flashing through the slightly translucent doors. You leaned on the wall as you dragged your feet forward arriving at the front desk that thanked you for your time, but you did not pay attention to them and turned to your left to stare at the steep stairway.

The steps were made out of wood with a black paint that had started to chip away and the walls were pure red, too bright and intense for your eyes. You focused on the door in front of you and barely saw the red walls around it as they got covered by a dark cloud, your way of seeing more animalistic than human.The only thing in your mind was the need to get some fresh air as emotions threw you around like a shipwreck at the sea. 

You pushed the door open and walked over to a bicycle stand choosing an empty spot where you plopped yourself on. You rocked yourself back and forth as you cried and gripped onto your skin painfully hoping that at least the physical sensation would put an end to your suffering. You started to be more aware of the familiar banging against your skull. 

The door of the karaoke bar opened as Shoko walked outside, her face now serious, resembling more the woman she was at work than the friend giggling at drunk people's jokes. 

“Hey. You forgot this inside.” She handed you your bag.

You wanted to answer something but you could not as the words got stuck to your throat. Your world flashed back and forth between sensations that you weren’t supposed to feel in this moment. The guilt and sadness ate you alive, nipping away from your vitals the more you tried to push them down. 

Shoko placed a cigarette between her lips and lit it up and offered it to you. You took it gladly off her hands inhaling the sweet smoke, but you almost ended up suffocating on it as your nose was too stuffed to handle it. Even the menthol taste was unable to help you with this issue. Shoko opened the green box once more to get herself a smoke as well. 

She took a drag out of it and watched your shuddering figure. 

“I saw you in the hallway with Geto. Something happened at Gojo’s right?”

You lifted your head up mascara running on your cheeks. Had you not been in such a bad state her words would have shocked you. 

“I can’t help you if you don’t want my help.” Shoko crouched down to your level. You stared at her face as she left out a puff of smoke that trailed around her face, the dark eye bags now more visible than ever. 

You choked on your tears once more, now openly wailing on the pavement your fingers digging into the soft flesh of your arm. You dragged your nails across yourself leaving pink trails behind it, the soft tingle covering the areas you had just clawed at. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” you cried, your words hard to decipher as your breath hitched. “I can’t keep on doing this. It’s all my fault. I’m so stupid,” you screamed snot falling onto your shirt. 

“So fucking stupid!” You impulsively pressed the cigarette butt against your thigh melting the cloth away the stinging pain shocking you as your skin shed its layers against the fire. 

You had no shame in your breakdown, frankly you did not even recognize the others that looked in your way speaking with hushed voices around you, as they tightened the grip on their partners hands. “That girl really needs to lay off the drinks,” someone had said loudly. Shoko had wanted to immediately pounce, but she held herself together. She knew that you needed her more. 

“Don’t hurt yourself, when you want to hurt someone else,” her voice was just a whisper. “Can I touch you?” She asked not wanting to trigger you further. You nodded. 

Shoko pulled you into a tight hug and you buried your face on her chest, holding onto her like it was the last thing keeping you afloat. You seeked comfort in her presence. 

“I want to die.” You gripped onto her tighter. “I’m so weak.”

Shoko stroked your hair, her own eyes watering as she listened to you wordlessly. She felt your pain almost just as viscerally as you were experiencing them now.  

“No matter… no matter what I do. I can’t escape them. I just want to be gone. I want to-”

Shoko shushed you and slipped her free hand into her pocket, digging out her phone. Almost ten minutes had gone by. She awkwardly opened her chat with Nanami trying to inform the man who was probably still sitting in their booth waiting for the two of you to come back. 

A male voice disturbed the two of you. “Is everything okay?” 

Shoko pressed her hand on your shoulder pushing herself up from the ground, she whispered to you to stay put, not that you really were in any condition to go anywhere. 

“Good that you’re here. I was just about to text you. Can you get us a taxi?”

“Of course,” he said and opened the app punching in your address that Shoko forwarded to him. He looked so much older and out of place in the busy street. 

This was the kind hearted and lovely Nanami that had forgiven you immediately, after you had punched him in the gut because you were fucked up in the head. The kind hearted and lovely Nanami that you couldn’t look in the eyes, because of a certain man whose name you felt like acid on the tip of your tongue. The thoughts in your head brought fresh tears to your eyes. You dangerously sailed in the deep waters of suicidal ideation, your tired hands opening the forbidden door.  

“It’s going to arrive in five minutes,” Nanami hummed. 

“I think you should go. I’ll handle this,” Shoko said, her voice full of pity. “I’ll keep you posted.”

Nanami nodded in agreement. 

“For what it’s worth, take care of yourself too.” Nanami’s words were carefully chosen, anticipating that you weren’t the only one who needed a hug. 

***

SHOKO’S MEMORIES, YEAR 2006

The beach was filled with people who enjoyed the way the sun spoiled them with its warmth. Shoko was sitting on a towel next to Mei Mei who applied generous amounts of sunscreen on her hand. They sat underneath a parasol that had been propped in the sand, covering them both from the direct sun. The brown haired girl watched as Utahime excitedly threw herself to the water. She had given up on trying to get Shoko and Mei Mei in the water as well. 

“Mei Mei, don’t you have a lot of experience with boys?” Shoko almost whispered and hugged her legs. Her beach shawl swayed when the breeze decided to start playing with the huge piece of cloth. 

“Are you trying to imply something?” Her voice was low and melodic but not at all accusatory. 

“No, nothing like that. I just wanted to ask you something.” Shoko shook her head flustered. “Is it normal for a guy to kiss a girl without asking?” 

Mei Mei burst into laughter. This was the question Shoko was getting all worked up for? 

“Shoko,” Mei Mei’s eyes glimmered softly when she said the younger girl’s name with gentleness that reminded her of a mother tugging a child into bed. “I did not take you for being this innocent,” she teased. 

“I’m not innocent,” the brown haired girl huffed with the unexpected blush decorating her cheeks.

“Did someone do that to you?” Mei Mei tilted her head curiously and offered the sunscreen bottle to Shoko who happily took it to her hands.

“If I tell you, will you promise that you won’t tell anyone?”

“If I’m honest, I don’t think I care enough to tattle. You got me curious now. Tell me,” she hummed as a smile curled on her lips. 

“Well uh.. Suguru kind of kissed me when we were playing truth or dare with Satoru,” Shoko explained . She ran her hand between the warm sand, the grainy texture giving her something else to think about. “It was a stupid dare on Satoru’s part. Dunno why I accepted it.” 

Shoko added that she did not want to kiss him under any circumstances but the boy had managed to go over her boundary with ease. 

“That’s it?” Mei Mei asked, raising her eyebrow. She was almost bewildered at how tame the story was. 

“Yeah.” 

The blue haired woman scoffed.

“Guys think that girls like it when they take control and in a certain sense they are right. Maybe they got their eyes on you? Although, I did think that Suguru and Satoru were..” Mei Mei’s voice trailed off as she thought. “It doesn’t matter.” She concluded. 

“If I were you. I’d go along with it.” Mei Mei suggested. 

“No way. I don’t like them like that. Besides that’s not what I asked for your opinion on.” 

“And?” Mei Mei turned her gaze on Shoko, her eyes hardening as she intensely stared at the younger girl. “Those two men are our generation’s strongest and you’re going to complain that one of them gave you a little kiss?” 

Mei Mei’s melodic voice dropped lower as she showed her true feelings of distaste towards Shoko’s views. 

“If I were you,” she started again, her voice tough and bitter. “I’d be securing my spot by their side and not planning to bring forth meaningless accusations over a game of truth or dare.” 

Shoko was at loss with the things that were being said to her. Now that she thought about it, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to speak with Mei Mei. 

“I did not say I was going to tell anyone,” her voice was squeaky like a little girl’s. 

“But you thought about that right?” Shoko did not deny nor confirm the accusation.

Mei Mei’s face softened. “Shoko, you’re a smart girl. You should know better than to get shaken by two boys, especially when you so eagerly lead them on.“ 

“..I don’t lead them on.”

“Then stop meeting them in your spare time. If you do that, guys will think that you’re willing. You’re not a kid anymore, they do notice that you’re a woman now.” 

She stayed quiet, Mei Mei’s words burning on her skin worse than the summer heat. She did not want guys thinking about her that way. She simply wanted to be their friend and the idea of boys and girls being unable to do that because of bodily differences made Shoko shudder. 

“You want to help your friends, right?” Mei Mei asked when Utahime got out of the water. 

Shoko nodded. 

“Then become a doctor. That’s the best you can do to others with the technique you have.” Her words were probably meant to be comforting, but they made Shoko’s heart sink to the bottom of the ocean. 

“Shookoo!” Utahime ran towards the two girls sitting on the beach towels. 

“Are you willing to swim now?” Sand and water droplets clung onto her radiant skin that the younger girl admired silently. Shoko felt her heart skip a few times in her chest when Utahime offered her hand to her. 

“Sure.” The shy smile stretched on Shoko’s lips. 

“I’ll stay here. But you guys have fun.” Mei Mei announced as she opened the book next to her the pages slightly crumpled up. 

Shoko did not really register Mei Mei’s voice anymore. She grabbed Utahime’s hand and the world slowly faded away around them. 

****

Shoko went through the bathroom nimbly avoiding piles of clothing or takeout bags as she looked through your bathroom cupboard. She found a bag of half used cotton pads and a micelar water from the mess.

The taxi drive had felt like eternity. Your tears had dried before settling in the car and numbness had taken over. Shoko helped you to your bed and said that she’d come back soon, closing the door behind her giving you some space to change into something more comfortable. 

The door opened. Shoko looked at you and sat on the bed. You were using a pillow as a support for your back. The night lamp’s warm color casted shadows around your puffy face. The woman shook the bottle in her hand and poured liquid on the white cotton pad and tilted your face towards hers. 

She pressed the pad on your eyelid carefully letting the mixture soak through the heaps of makeup on your face. You sniffled sadly before speaking. 

“I can do this on my own too.” 

“I want to do this,” her voice was soft as she spoke the makeup remover leaving your skin slightly cold. You simply nodded and admired the way her hair framed her face. 

“You know I’ve had my own bad experiences too,” Shoko said, her face turning to a slight frown. Her mind was sailing in memories that she had given up on trying to understand. 

You were at a loss of words. You wanted to pry, but it felt invasive. 

“With them? Really?” You heard yourself asking as you danced on the line of impropriety.

“Yeah,” Shoko hummed, “but we shouldn’t have this conversation yet. Maybe in the morning, but not now,” she tried to make her voice sound brighter, feel brighter as if it would fix everything. 

“Okay,” you said. Maybe she’s right about this. Shoko discarded the dirty cotton pad, simply placing it on the bedside table. It was at its limits the whole thing turned into the color of your foundation with the small black streaks of your mascara on it, or what was left from it. 

She held onto your face gently for a moment too long even after she was done. You opened your eyes to really look at her. She looked so sad and.. young? Yes young was the right word. She looked like a woman robbed out of something sacred. She had been so happy, so easy to excite in her youth, but now all she seemed to carry was baggage. 

Your drunken mind wanted to close the distance, but something held you back. Maybe it was all the answers that were still being withheld by her, maybe it was the understanding that it’s not the right time yet. 

“Can you stay the night?” you whispered. Shoko breathed in and opened her mouth to say something, but you were faster. “Please? Th-there’s some clothes you can borrow in my closet.” 

She stayed quiet and you waited patiently.

“I’ll stay.” 

You smiled weakly at her and muttered a gentle thank you. She shuffled up from the bed and walked over the closet you had pointed for her. You turned your back to her when you heard the rustling of clothing that she ended up piling up neatly on one of the spare chairs in your bedroom. 

You fluffed up the pillow next to you and lifted up the blanket when she climbed in. You turned your back to her as you lay down on your side. Your hand searched the light switch and then the room was pitch black. 

Shoko awkwardly came closer to you till your back was against hers and she played with your hair idly in the silence. The touch was friendly, your body slumping in relaxation almost immediately. It was nice to have someone there. You had gotten so used to being afraid of the nights. 

“Good night,” she said, her voice hoarse. 

“Night.” 

***

You woke up alone with no trace of the woman in your room. She had gotten up earlier than you and dressed up back to the clothes she had in the bar. You hugged your plush blanket, almost burying your whole face underneath it, not ready to face the day.

Your head hurt and you felt nauseous. How is Shoko even able to do things? You wondered to yourself.

The faint knock on the bedroom door disrupted your thoughts as the door opened slightly. 

“I made a sandwich for you and found some painkillers, if you want any,” she said and you heard her steps further away again. 

You groaned and threw the blanket away from your body, the cold greeting you roughly. 

Your kitchen had gotten miraculously cleaner, the multiple empty beer cans piled in a bag and the dishwasher hummed quietly. You stared at the brown table in front of you that had two sandwiches and glasses of water on it, hunger long gone from your body. 

“You really should drink less.” Shoko picked up another empty can from the counter just to place it in the bag.

“Like you’re the one to talk.” You sat on the chair with its legs squeaking against the floor with your rough treatment. 

You grabbed the pill bottle and rattled out two tablets that you threw in your mouth and drank barely enough water to chase them down. 

“What do you remember?” Shoko asked and sat in front of you. She wasn’t feeling very hungry either. 

“I remember punching Nanami and the talk we had before we fell asleep,” you mumbled, playing with the edges of the slightly crusty lettuce between your sandwich. You had meant to use it on a salad a few days ago, but you were too tired to cook for yourself. Even the simple things were hard. “What did I tell you?”

“Nothing. You were just crying.”

Oh. So it was like that. 

“They assaulted me.” Your face was stern, emotions hidden behind a wall. The words felt weird. It was the first time you had actually said it out loud.

Shoko’s face widened from shock. 

“They what?” 

“Don’t make me repeat it,” you hissed. 

“Sorry, I won’t.” 

The silence felt unbearable and you stuffed your face full of bread just to do something. 

“They did something similar when we were still in school.” Shoko ripped the hangnail painfully from her skin and pressed on the miniscule wound with one of her fingers. 

You chewed the sandwich aggressively without tasting anything, the texture turning to mush in your mouth. 

“Why didn’t you warn me?” Your words were way more accusatory than what you wanted. 

Shoko turned her head to the side looking hurt by your sudden outburst. Her eyebrows scrunched together in pain as she looked for the perfect words, but there were none. 

“You admired them. I didn’t want to take that away from you, and when I realized that I probably should have said..”

“Bullshit, Shoko. It’s been ten years. I deserved to know, you could have-”

“Stop blaming me for their shit!” she yelled. Shoko never yells. 

You fell quiet. You reined in your anger, its hands still attempting to reach out to anything it could latch on. She was right. It’s not her burden to bear, but you still couldn’t help but feel powerless, when there could have theoretically been someone who could have told you to not go there. 

“Sorry,” you simply said just to drop the topic. Shoko sighed defeatedly and pushed her head briefly against her hands. She understood the anger, she really did. 

“They drugged me and then raped me together. I don’t remember a lot from it. I fought back – well attempted to,” your voice shook as you spoke. 

The brown haired woman simply looked at you with silent empathy. 

“Did you at least get one good punch in?” 

Your lips curled into a downhearted smile. The memory of your feeble fight playing in your mind, the weakness and despair of it all, a futile attempt of a prey to preserve their life just one moment longer. 

“Not a single one,” you laughed hollowly as one tear rolled on your cheek and your lips trembled. “But I did rip some hair out of Geto at the school,” you tried to brighten your voice and be brave. 

Shoko’s eyes watered and she answered your smile with her own. 

“Good.” 

The almost happy expression faded from your face. Everything hurt, never had you ever thought to be in a situation like this where you were exchanging devastation with your friend like gifts on christmas. 

“Why did you stay? Even Nanami left for a while, you could have done the same.” Your question was gentler this time. 

Shoko pondered for a minute, not sure of her answer either. 

“Because this is the only way I could help. I had you and Utahime and I didn’t want to leave you two behind. Besides what else was I supposed to do? I’ve been given a technique that can save many if I choose right. Had I left a lot more could have died because I wasn’t here — all because of what two men did,” she tried to put her thoughts together. 

“There’s a reason why Utahime doesn’t like Gojo,” Shoko blurted out and played with her hair. 

You took a careful sip of water as if you were trying to carefully dissect the different flavors of Shoko’s words. 

“What do you mean? Did they do something to her as well?” 

“No. I just mean that women know, you know? I think it’s in our blood to recognize danger. That’s one of the reasons she despises him. But this is just my thought, not an universal truth,” Shoko wondered out loud. 

She breathed in once again as if the words she was about to speak were too painful. 

“I think sometimes us women have to carry the atrocities of men. There’s no rhyme or reason why they do certain things. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I never went through what you did, but I can’t say that I’m surprised,” she mused. “I’m sorry though. What you went through. It’s not right.”

Her brown eyes stared at you expectantly. You chewed on your lip nervously and tapped the empty plate with your nail, the small tinkle sound working as a metronome. 

“No, it’s not,” you huffed. But it feels like it’s my fault. If I had not gone there, if I had not idolized them – loved them even. This wouldn’t have ended this way. It was easier to leave those words in your head. 

“So what now?” You looked at Shoko, your eyes pleading, asking for answers, guidance, anything she would be able to provide to you. You knew there was nothing clear cut Shoko could say, but god how you wished that someone would know what to do. 

Shoko shook her head in defeat as if telling you that she wasn’t able to point you on the right track like that. 

“Whatever you want. You can stay or go, but you don’t have to carry it alone,” Shoko said, her face gentle. You could still draw out the remnants of the young girl from the year two thousand and six on her features. The lines were almost faded but they were still there. 

You found kinship in her even if neither of you had shared the full story of what had happened. You weren’t there yet and you weren’t ready. Instead the two of you skirted around words unspoken finding solace of at least having someone who could understand. It was up to the both of you what to make out of the confessions of the past. 

[partycatty]

I have to do anon bc like I have gotten soooo addicted to your dark star johnny like.. they are so good i need 15 of those lil fuckers. You just write so good oml you ATE!!!!!

you want more? i give you more!

dark star!johnny cage > i found you

a continuation of i'll find you, johnny knew you couldn't have gotten too far... and he's not happy when he finds you.

warnings: yandere johnny, abusive relationship, lots of freaky and sick and twisted themes

notes: y'all can't stay away from jobby cag, can ya...? me neither.

[ masterlist ]

• weeks had passed since you made your grand escape, and johnny would scrape through every possible source of evidence he could think of. security cameras, tracking devices, bank statements... all of it came up to nothing.

• you were driving him mad with the loss, needing someone to talk to, someone to nod and smile and sit pretty while obeying like a good pet. johnny needed that, he needed a toy to dress up and manage. being left alone with his thoughts was no good, and every paparazzi barrage would end in a public outburst, one that the masses accredited to desperation to find his poor missing partner.

• checking into hotels with fake names, you bounced across cities in hopes that you don't leave a large enough trail behind you. this all came crashing down when, as you walked down the street in your casual clothes, a long, outstretched arm pointed to you.

• "aren't you...?" the stranger is baffled, eyes wide and mouth agape as your features are taken in and properly familiarized with the same face plastered on every social media: johnny's missing beau!

• the question turns heads, draws attention and pulls out phones, recording and snapping your figure as you desperately pulled at the locked door of a convenience store. you had hoped that you wouldn't be recognized, but it seemed to be inevitable with how aggressive johnny was with his sob story. you were missing, poor, dazed and confused according to the world, not a victim looking for freedom.

• it's not long before johnny catches wind of your spotting, several states over in a place he'd never dare touch with his pompous fingers. he figured you better than that, better than conforming with... the common folk. granted, the common folk were his source of income, but to him they were no more than that. well... that, and an ego-booster.

• late at night, you toss and turn in your hotel room, the warmth of the comforter offering you no reassurance that something was horribly off. your suspicions were confirmed when a tapping at the window draws you of your pathetic attempt at sleep.

• "love~" your heart stops at the horrifically familiar voice, the drawl that makes your stomach flip and sleep become a distant concept.

• you fall silent, hoping maybe he'd give up, think he got the wrong room. "don't be stupid," he continues, tapping again. "everyone knows you're here, doll. come on out! we've all been very worried for you."

• it's then that you hear the shutter of cameras and a muffled commotion of people. paparazzi. he brought a damn parade with him, shaming you into emerging from the den of safety. shielding his intentions with a crowd that worships the sight of two of you together.

• after a few moments, the doorknob jiggles with an eagerness that startles you, making you wish for only a moment you can that you had purchased a self defense item before leaving. the door swings open, and johnny stands, one hand on his hip and the other dangling the key.

• "i went ahead and told the front desk about our little disagreement," he hums, lip twitching. "got a key no problem. i missed you bad, pretty thing."

• "get the fuck out," you hiss through your teeth, eyeing the paparazzi behind him starting to clutter around the doorway. "walk away."

• "no," his voice is beyond sure, his tone childlike, as if you had told him it was bedtime. "i don't want to. and frankly, i don't care what you want. you're unwell, aren't you? c'mere, i'll be good, you know i only bite if you ask real nice."

• you were pinned, the thought of making yourself out to be an insane freak sickening you. there was no way around it, johnny had you cornered to smile and wave, strained grins and clenched fists as he guides you into his car. the paparazzi flash and flicker in your eyes, blinding your path.

• 'johnny's love has been found!' the news reads, gossip articles and news anchors alike are catching up the population on the a-lister's drama, explaining the story from a side that's foggy with deception. you were saved, back in his strong arms, and trapped once again in his grasp. this time, he had no intention of letting you go.

• as soon as the door closes shut, johnny backs you against the wall, your head slamming.

• "you dumb, stupid girl," he growls into your face, breath hot and face scrunched. "wasting my damn time, you like doing that, don't'cha? what, you didn't miss me even a little bit, don't lie to me now."

• "not in the slightest," you try and be strong, but his large form overtakes yours and makes your knees weak. "you're... you're mean to me."

• "mean?" he laughs a gross cackle, looking away for a moment. "i'm only mean because you make me. you like it when i put you in your place, that's why you act like a brat."

• he grabs your face, slamming your head against the wall again, this time with more force. your jaw hurts as his grip squeezes the fat of your cheeks, squishing your face with his fingers. "you test me, you know that? i should've put up more cameras... yeah... maybe that's my plan. i'll call the guy tomorrow, get rid of those blind spots... bathroom included."

• he leans in for a kiss and you pull away, as far as you're able considering your constraints. his frown deepens.

• "i love you," he purrs, a wicked grin stretching his face. "i loved you enough to find you. you should be thanking me."

• "i'm sorry," you dryly reply, eyes darting between his.

• johnny's grip changes, moving from your face to your wrists, pinning them above your head in one swift motion. his smile pulling at his features and glittering deviously.

• "you're not sorry, you'd do it again if i give you the chance," he suggests, shaking his head. the tip of his nose brushes yours. "you're not leaving my sight, not anymore, sweetheart. love you too much for that."

• johnny leans into your neck, running his nose up the length of your skin. he breathes deep, peppering kisses in a path that leads to your stomach. he drops to his knees.

• "i missed you real bad, honest," he insists, his eyes big and watery. "i'm nothing without you, you know. you're my girl. i need you just as bad as you need me. i can't... i can't let you go. not again. i'm not me without you."

• his fingers dig into your hips, squeezing with a sick mix of affection and hunger.

• "i've got you," he breathes, slowly rising. "and you're staying."

[letteredlettered]

Hi! I was rereading By the Grace for like the 45397th time (it is incredible, by the way), and I have wondered ever since the first time i came across it - what does the title mean, and how did you decide on it?

I'm so glad you like this fic, thank you.

The fic starts with the line, "Grace is given for that which cannot be forgiven." It sounds like a quote from something, but it's not; I just made it up.

The title has to do with the definition of the word "grace." I'll use Mirriam Webster's second definition:

a. approval, favor (eg stayed in his good graces) b. archaic: mercy, pardon c. a special favor: privilege d. disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency e. a temporary exemption : reprieve

Another definition is religious, but means kind of the same thing, in a way, it's about the favor God shows to humanity, even though humanity doesn't deserve it.

I don't know much about religion or which religions deal with the concept of grace, but I wanted to deal specifically with the idea of mercy, pardon, or clemency.

Draco Malfoy held fascist ideology; beyond that, he believed in genocide and eugenics. Even if later he didn't believe in those things, he aided and abetted people who worked for the cause of genocide. He tried to kill people. He mind controlled innocent bystanders. On top of that he was a bully; he bullied people for being poor and being orphans and for having blood he thought was unclean. He hurt them emotionally, mentally, and physically, and he did that specifically to Harry.

Draco Malfoy was a young person when he did these things. Even if he was not, he was still a human being. Human beings should be stopped from killing people and committing genocide, but I also think that because they are humans, we should try to understand them; we should still treat them as humans. And if someone like that is committed to living a different life, committed to stop hurting people and start helping people, I think they deserve a chance to do that, as long as they're not trying to hurt people again.

But the victims of these people don't need to forgive them. They are not the ones who need to give those people a second chance. They deserve to hate people who hurt them, to hold it against them. In many circumstances, they deserve to never see those people again, never see signs of that persecution and abuse. It is the job of society to make a place for folks who have done bad things and want to change, but it is not the job of victims.

But that doesn't mean that victims cannot forgive their torturers. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they feel forced to, to "be a good person," and I think that's wrong; I think that's unfair; I think that victims who have been hurt deserve to move on. But sometimes victims do it because it helps them heal. Sometimes it helps them feel fulfilled. Sometimes forgiving someone who hurt them can help to love other people in their lives better.

But the fic By the Grace is about more than forgiveness. It's not just about forgiving someone who hurt you like that, but growing to love them, growing to love them in a deep and intimate way. And that's something that can never happen because someone "deserves" it. It's not also something that happens just to let go of a grudge and live a fulfilling life.

It's something that happens through something bigger than forgiveness, something divine in nature, whether you're religious or not. It's something that happens through a force that I think is bigger and kinder and stronger than the emotions we have in day to day life, than the way we allow ourselves to be in day to day life. It's like heroism or profound self-sacrifice. It's love.

It's grace.

That's what Harry Potter has to feel, I think, if he's going to fall in love with Draco Malfoy, and that's what I wanted to write about.

[fuckingstrange]

Automotive

——————————————————————————————————————

WARNINGS: PWP/Porn without plot, Thigh riding(?), making out, automotive (car sex), non-beta read, term used for reader's genitals is "groin"

WORDS: 382

PAIRING: Spencer Reid x gn!reader

——————————————————————————————————————

a/n: I AM NOT STARTING KINKTOBER OFF WITH A MISS!!! THIS IS RUSHED, AND IT SUCKS, BUT HERE IT IS!!

——————————————————————————————————————

Getting assigned to a stake-out with Reid was harder than you thought it would be. Mainly because, when the both of you get bored, you kind of.. indulge. You wanted to let somebody else volunteer, not only because you just wanted to get back to the hotel and fuck Spencer to sleep on this delightfully eery fall night, but because this was the one part of town that the team was told to be weary about as technical tourists.

That's how it lead to the both of you crawling into the back seat, gleefully accepting the distraction of Reid's tounge getting shoved into the back of your throat. He straddles your thigh, hand planted on the car seat just beside your head.

His knee bumps into your groin each time his hips grind down into your thigh, his moans almost shameless as the car rocks side to side from the force of his movements.

You know you should be paying attention to the house of the potential victim to try and catch the Unsub, but, the way he mewls when you reach out to start palming him is much less boring to pay attention to.

Groaning, you grind the heel of your palm into him, hearing him whine into your mouth. You can feel a wet spot growing where his tip presses against, enticing your middle finger to dip low and press against it. The way his hips buck and the way he moans out is almost pathetic.

His noises are loud. You'd be surprised if everybody from one end of the scarily unlit block to the other couldn't hear him, huffing and puffing, moaning and groaning.

“Fuck, fuck, I'm s-o- so close,” Spencer warns, rutting himself down into your palm, his head drops onto your shoulder.

“Then cum, Spencer,” You grunt, pressing your thigh up against him at the same time you squeeze him.

His teeth dig into your shoulder, daring to draw blood from the harshness of his bite when trying to muffle the loud whine he lets out as he cums. He completely soaks through his briefs, the pure amount much more than you'd expect he'd be able to produce. His hips continue to move against your hand to work him through the high, some of the sticky substance transferring to your palm.

Once Spencer's satisfied, he leans up, sitting back on his knees. He glances down at the semen stain, grimacing at the feeling of it. You sit up and reach behind the back seat, feeling around for his go-bag he never took to the hotel earlier.

“You change, I'll make sure the Unsub hasn't shown up.” You order, kissing his cheek before wiggling out from beneath him, sliding out of the car and wiping your hands off on your pants.

Spencer glances out the window at you, his pale skin showing like a ghost through a wall in the tinted glass as you walk up the sketchy pathway to the run-down house of the potential victim, leaving him to change and admire from afar.

KINKTOBER LIST: Automotive (#1)

——————————————————————————————————————

——————————————————————————————————————

a/n: I'm trying to do new things for kinktober soooooo (also accepting ideas for extra fics! Please! Tell me to write something I haven't before!)

[honeytonedhottie]

lets talk manifestation⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍭

this post is intended to inform you about the law of assumption, kind of like a master post if its something that you'd like to get into. i've talked about the loa countless times and i'll continue to do so to encourage u all to apply the law and live the life of ur dreams ✨

if u already know about the law, this post will serve as a reminder that manifesting is EASY and that you know how to do it. its easy peasy! if u wanna know more about manifesting, join my google class 💕

WHAT IS MANIFESTATION ;

manifestations is the law of the UNIVERSE. its our nature and we've been doing it infinitely. we are always manifesting. ur inner world translates to ur outer world. manifestation is controlling (disciplining urself) ur thoughts so that u can control your reality, and you DO control your reality subconsciously. but its just what u think -> what u experience. MANIFESTATION = CURATING UR WORLD.

WHERE DOES DISCIPLINE COME IN ;

if u dont take the time to curate ur thoughts then ur world is just gonna be running on autopilot based on what you've been conditioned to believe. you're always selecting experiences based on what u focus on.

for example if ur constantly complaining, ur reality will just give u more things to complain about because thats what ur focusing on. whats in ur mind translates to ur reality.

HOW TO MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU ;

shifting ur thoughts and thinking only what u want to experience. u select new experiences through ur mind. from my experience what i KNOW works is affirming and thats universal. so if u love affirming then good for you, but its all about finding what u can do better. for me its affirming, for some people its visualization just do you.

a helpful analogy to make things a little clearer is to imagine ur mind as a printer and whatever u feed the printer is whats going to be expressed into ur reality. YOU are the one feeding the printer meaning that you are in control.

what u need to do to start applying the law of assumption is decide. decide that ur not going to be a victim in ur own reality and stand on ur decision. for the first couple of days/or weeks you'll still be experiencing ur old beliefs because they were so ingrained in you.

but instead of falling back into old patterns you'll respond differently to ur 3D circumstances. by not reacting to unfavorable circumstances your not re-selecting that experience.

[perseas-wellyboots]

The Luke Castellan problem in PJO books and Fandom

I just finished rereading the pjo series for the dozenth time and I have so many thoughts about Luke and how the fandom woobified him.

Like no Luke did not have the right idea and executed it in the wrong way. He wasn't a misguided victim, although there is no doubt Kronos manipulated him. But him being manipulated does not absolve him of his wrongdoings. Hurt people can still hurt people, you can be abused and still become an abuser.

Most of Fandom's idea of Luke being a 'hero' because he did the right thing in the end is extremely doozy like ok he killed himself to stop Kronos but that does not absolve him the blame of killing innocent people.

While Luke's main goal was the destruction of Gods, that was not because he wanted the demigods to have better lives. He actively killed demigods.

In the Sea of Monsters, when Percy, Annabeth and Tyson snuck into Princess Andromeda; they saw 12 year olds being trained how to kill a 'dummy in camp half blood tshirts'. He was actively exploiting children and manipulating them into killing other children and saw nothing wrong with it.

He only considered deflecting from Kronos when he found out that he was going to be possessed by him.

He only worked and cared for him, he was so lost into power and revenge that HE became a monster.

"Oh but he cared for Thalia and Annabeth!!" I'll get into that later too

I think Luke's fatal flaw contrary to the opinion of fandom is The Urge to Prove Himself.

He had one conversation with Hermes which made him angry and bitter and Thalia even notes that after that conversation Luke got into more and more fights with monsters like he had something to prove which Annabeth didnt seem to see as a problem since he was her hero. They got into more skirmishes because of his recklessness, fighting more monsters since Luke wanted to pick a fight with each one he came across.

(Conversation from PJO, The Last Olympian)

His fatal flaw being to Prove Himself would explain why he took the failure of his quest so hard that the night he returned from the quest was the same night Kronos started speaking to him for the first time. It didn't help that when he returned from his failed quest, the campers treated him with pity.

He wanted to pull Olympus down stone by stone because He failed his quest that he didn't want to do because it was already done by Hercules once. 🥴

His endgame has nothing to do with wanting to help ANYBODY. He wanted to take down gods because he had a grudge against them and wanted to Prove that he could do it. Everything else comes secondary if it fits his agenda.

This is one of the reasons why it bothers me so much when people say that Luke had the right idea or that Percy would have joined Kronos if Sally had died like you fundamentally misunderstood the character of Percy if you think he would have joined Kronos.

He talks about "driving humanity back into caves, all except the strongest - who would serve him" THIS IS LITERALLY FASCISM???

(According to Merriam-Webster, Fascism is a political philosophy, movement, or regime that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression)

Now onto the topic of Thalia, Annabeth and Luke

First of all, I absolutely hate that 'Thalia and Luke had a thing before she got turned into a tree bit' because Thalia was 12 and Luke was 14 when they met and Thalia was 15 and Luke was 20-21ish when they meet again in TTC ugh hate that.

Now TTC, where to begin, here I used to believe Luke had already bathed in river Styx as there are some narrations where Percy notes that Luke looked worse and like his scar was reopened and would certainly explain how he survived the cliff fall but on my rereading I realised that Thalia and Luke fought when Percy was holding the sky and Thalia injured Luke so nvm then.

It is however in this book that Luke began to realise Kronos's plan for him as it is implied by the General and he starts to fear for his life.

Mind you, what did Luke think would happen if Thalia did agree to join Kronos when he knew Kronos was looking for a host of body...

Luke is many things, he is cunning, manipulative, a great swordsman but what he is not is stupid. If Thalia would have agreed then Kronos would have used Thalia as a vessel 😬

And oh boy the can of worms that is Luke and Annabeth. I've seen many Luke fans/apologists deny that there is no canon evidence of Luke being romantically interested in Annabeth BUT THERE IS?? they refuse to believe and call Annabeth an unreliable narrator because otherwise their uwu white boy would be a Pedophile. Even if he wasn't a Pedo, he manipulated Annabeth so many times to make her sympathise with her and use her emotions against her.

(excerpts from various books: TLO, TLO, BoTL, MoA annabeth's pov)

^ Annabeth was 15 almost 16 or already 16 I believe when Luke asked her to run away with him in a romantic sense and he was 21-22.

also another evidence adding to the theory of his fatal flaw having proving himself.

Now, onto the topic of CHB and Luke:

Luke being hesitant to attack camp half blood in BotL has less to do with him suddenly growing a spine (as some fans suggest) and more to do with the inevitable possession.

When Kronos informs that he will himself lead the attack, Luke advises to use Hyperion instead because he knows for Kronos to attack it in person, he would finally possess Luke.

(first one is from TTC, the other two from BoTL)

One of the last things I wanna talk about is Silena Beauregard & Luke and Luke's portrayal in the new Percy Jackson series:

Luke was 17 when Kronos started speaking to him and 19 when he left the camp. Silena was 17-18 when she died which makes her 13-14 when Luke left the camp in TLT and 11-12 when Kronos first started talking to him. Adult Luke charmed an underage girl, and promised her that she was helping the demigods and then when she tried to stop, he started blackmailing her. [excerpts from TLO]

According to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children UK, Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. The relationship a groomer builds can take different forms. This could be: a romantic relationship, as a mentor, an authority figure, a dominant and persistent figure. They might use blackmail to make a child feel guilt and shame or introduce the idea of 'secrets' to control, frighten and intimidate.

So canonically, Book!Luke is a fascist groomer pedophile.

Now on the new Disney+ Percy Jackson show, it seems that Rick Riordan is subtly rewriting the character of Luke and removing the more problematic aspect of him (pedophile and grooming). Let me explain why I think that:

Even though in TLT the book, Luke describes Annabeth as his little sister we know how well that lasted but I don't think they are keeping Annabeth's crush on him on the show from what I've seen (though I could be wrong).

Secondly, the casting of Dior Goodjohn as Clarisse puts Clarisse on the same age range as Luke, maybe a year or two younger but in the first book Clarisse was 13-14 and she was 17 in TLO, so they have aged her up. It is my assumption that they will also age Silena by casting a 17-19 yr old actress as her.

And they have made Luke far more sympathetic in the show than the books (him not calling a hellhound during capture the flag and no pit scorpions in the finale), but we wouldn't know how sympathetic or villainous they are making him until season 2 comes out. Charlie Bushnell gives an excellent performance imo

Though this again reflects the double standards it comes to PJO, they have given much grace and praise for the changes made to Luke's character and little to no complaint for ageing up Clarisse but the hate Walker and especially Leah are given is so cruel. Leah has been so much racially targeted though I think she's an excellent Annabeth, just something to think about.

Also, before I forget-

We don't give enough flack to Rick Riordan for writing two weird age dynamics without recognising as grooming and pedophilic nature. (Lukabeth and Caleo/Capercy)

The characters are never made to realise (especially Annabeth) that an older person having feelings for them as a minor is not a normal behaviour.

Especially in regards to Calypso who may take the form of a 15 year old but is actually more than 4612 (according to the riordan wiki) and her having a crush on 14 year old Percy and 15-16 yr old Leo Valdez, not to mention how rudely she treated Leo. Also her cursing Annabeth because Percy left her. Not only is it plain nasty but she's never called out. Its actually so disgusting🤕.

Anyways this turned into a long rant but I would love to read your opinions, especially on Luke's fatal flaw.

I know for some people it may seem like I'm too hard on him but this is just my opinion.

IMO I have no problem if you like a morally bad or gray person, an antihero or a villain as long as their bad deeds aren't swept under the rug and pretend they never happened or glorify their good deeds.

I actually think villian's bad things make them more interesting.

Luke is an antagonist and a villain of the PJO series and a part of being a villain is that some people are going to hate you and that's ok.

Me personally, I was never a fan of his and that's ok.

I know some people are going to bring up the fact that Percy in MoA sympathises but the PJO characters are complicated and Luke was very skilled at making others think of his reason to destroy the Gods the way they would sympathise the most and we see that multiple times.

[g4yforethan]

rescue

pairing: leon kennedy x gn reader

summary: leon saves reader from escaping raccoon city and falls for them

warnings: cursing, pure fluff, kissing!

a/n: been obsessed with resident evil for a while now so i just wanted to do this for my re fanss ;)) also ik the pics i chose are from re4 just go with it.

you were in your apartment folding laundry in the living room. the tv was turned on as re-runs of tv shows played in the background. all of a sudden, “BREAKING NEWS” displayed over your television screen. as you got closer to the tv, you heard screams and bangs coming from your complex. “we interrupt this broadcast as Raccoon City has fallen victim to a mysterious virus spreading throughout the city. We advise all residents to take shelter and gather resources in case of evacuation.” the broadcast lost signal and the screen was now black.

you were terrified by this news as you lived alone and had little to no knowledge about what to do in a situation like this. then, a bang on your door startled you and almost caused you to have a heart attack. “who’s there??” you shouted out the most cliche horror movie question but there was no response. you got closer to the door, tip-toeing all the way to your peephole. you looked through and saw a man standing there but he didn’t look like a man. his skin was pale as a ghost and he was missing his right arm. you gasped and ran towards your window to escape.

when you got to the front of your apartment complex , you ran left towards a gas station hoping that someone would be able to help. once you got there, it was pitch black and there didn’t seem to be anyone inside. you walked around before hearing screams coming from the backroom. gunshots go off as you run to take cover. all of a sudden, a man runs out and grabs you. "IT'S NOT SAFE HERE LET'S GO!" he screamed as he pushed outside towards his car. you went inside and finally got a good look of him. even in the situation, you noticed how attractive he was but tried not to focus too much on that. "thank you so much. i'm so confused! what is happening?!" you asked him as he drove out of the gas station and onto the road. "i could ask you the same thing! listen it's my first day on the job and this shit happens. i must have great luck i guess."he rolled his eyes and tried to find a safe place for you both.

"the news reporter said something about a virus but i always thought a virus would just mean a cold or something not FUCKING zombies!" you screamed as you still tried to grasp what was happening. the man could tell you were shaking from anxiety and pulled over. "hey hey it's okay. whatever happens i'll make sure we both get out of here safe and sound. it's my job." you smiled at him and felt your heart rate go down. "thanks for that. it was sweet. what's your name?" "Leon. Leon S. Kennedy. yours?" "y/n. you have a cute name leon." you noticed leon started to blush and put his hand on your shoulder. "if we make it out of here alive, can i take you out on a date?"

you were taken back by what he said. one because you two had just met and second you were both in the middle of a life or death situation. "umm yeah sure i would love to." you both smiled at each other as leon turned to the road and found an exit out of raccoon city. after a while, he found a motel that was vacant and the two of you went inside to rest. "how about we just stay here for the night and get some rest?" he asked you as he took off his shirt and pants and went into bed. "i mean yeah sure if that's okay." the two of you laid in bed as leon kissed your forehead and wrapped his arms around you. "i'm so glad i met you tonight. we're gonna be okay i promise. just get some rest y/n." he reassured you with another kiss on your shoulder. you turned and kissed him on the lips. "thank you leon. so after all of this is over, where are we going for our first date?"

[innominaterifter]

You can fall madly in love with someone and let them into your heart, but the Worm was there before and will remain forever.

Or

How the Worm saved my friend from a dangerous man.

I'll tell you the story. My friend really loves Worm (who doesn't?) and its sequel Ward. She especially likes Victoria Dallon, aka Antares. It's funny that my friend's name is also Victoria (however, this could also have influenced the emergence of a feeling of kinship with the character).

Some time ago, my friend started to communicate less often, started skipping workouts, and I asked her if everything was okay.

She said that everything was fine. She just had a crush on a guy and was trying to spend more time with him. It was weird because it was so different from her usual attitude towards training (she hadn't had this with her other crushes). We talked a little more, and I found her general behavior strange and out of character.

I made the assumption that if nothing had changed in her life except for the appearance of this person, then he was the reason for the change in her behavior. I decided to observe the development of events, maintaining contact and not expressing my suspicions so as not to cause rejection.

I managed to learn more about this guy and even keep an eye on him at a meeting with a friend and mutual acquaintances. Overall, I had enough red flags to confidently identify his behavior as abusive and dangerous.

I decided to talk to my friend about it. I made a list of red flags that I noticed in him and uncharacteristic behavior patterns in her. I also prepared a list of red flags that are characteristic of abusive behavior and signs of the abuser's influence on the victim's behavior. And I highlighted the points that matched in both lists (and there were a lot of them!).

I was confident that I had crafted my message well. I had made a point of eliminating anything that could be perceived as bias or attacks on him. There was no bias in the message, no insults to this person, and no subjective interpretations. There were only and exclusively facts and a list of abusive behaviors for cross comparison.

Well...

I clearly didn't expect such a reaction from her. There were a lot of emotions, a lot of resentment, a lot of hurtful words addressed to me and the desire to stop communicating with me expressed at the end.

I didn't have time to answer before she blocked me. And literally, 5 minutes later, a message came from her boyfriend, where he wrote that he didn't want me to communicate with his girlfriend, that I was toxic, paranoid, and generally crazy. Well, and some other very personal things that I said to my friend, but not to him.

This hit me hard. I felt total injustice, ingratitude and betrayal towards myself. I won't describe my thoughts here, but besides everything else, there was strong anger and a desire to hurt both him and her in return. But then the skills of self-observation and self-control kicked in, I exhaled and took a break.

As a result, I decided to try to reach my friend again. But even just contacting her turned out to be a difficult task: she banned me everywhere, didn’t come to training, and I didn’t want to pass it on through a third party, as this could cause even more rejection on her part.

I knew where she lived and could have just approached her on the street. But I figured that might be perceived as stalking, which would certainly not endear her to my words.

Moreover, it turned out that her boyfriend now lives with her, and she practically never appears anywhere without his accompaniment.

I considered the option of targeting him instead of her but decided to leave it as Plan B.

I decided to leave a message for her in one of the places she visited on her own, without that guy. One of those places was a cafe she went to when she needed to work on her laptop. She had mentioned that cafe in a conversation once, and I decided to check if she still went there. As it turned out, she did. But now that guy was coming there with her and coming back for her when she needed to leave.

I decided to give her a note through the barista and asked they to do it only when she was alone, without her boyfriend. The barista looked at me and asked only one question: "Is it that bad?" I answered: "I'm sure it is, but I think she can handle it. She's really smart and strong."

I thought for a long time about what to write in the note. It was actually a difficult question because what seemed to me to be the ideal and logical choice did not work. Moreover, it caused rejection and a break in contacts.

I was also sure that her boyfriend had done his best to destroy her connections with her friends, creating a prejudice against any criticism that anyone might say about him and the destructiveness of their relationship.

Thus, any message from me, any of my arguments, thoughts, and attempts will initially be perceived by her as coming from a hostile object. So what should I do in this situation? Well, I had an idea.

To get past these defense protocols, I needed to reach out through something that wasn't marked as hostile to her. Something she loved, liked, and trusted. Something that made her feel warm inside.

At the same time, something that would help her to turn to those qualities of hers that she needs in this situation: reason, analysis, and logic.

And I knew what it could be.

I composed the message based on this. The message was not long; I was afraid that she might stop reading as soon as she realized that it was from me. So I had to compress the whole meaning into just a couple of lines so that they would have time to penetrate her mind at a glance. Such a nam-shub, you know.

Also, when I handed the note to the barista, I dressed differently than usual so that my friend wouldn’t immediately understand who the note was from if she asked the barista who gave it to them.

I am not a fan of strict style, I almost never wear it, and that is why I decided to use it in this situation. I have one black suit with a white dress shirt and a black tie.

To make my hair less noticeable, I pulled it up into a ponytail and used contact lenses instead of glasses. When I looked at myself in the mirror before heading out, I realized that this look needed one important detail to be complete. I'll be honest, I was giggling while adding this detail.

I came to the cafe, had that conversation with the barista that I mentioned above, left a note, and left the establishment. I had an idea to stay and watch from the side, but firstly, I didn’t know when exactly my friend would be there, and secondly, there was a risk that she would see me and recognize me. And hanging around on the street, staring at the cafe window - that’s a bit too much, don’t you think?

So I left, crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

Four days have passed since then, and guess what? Today my friend called me! Her voice sounded muffled and nervous, but how happy I was to hear her!

She said a little, literally it was "Um, hi, it's me... I know I was rude to you, and I'm really sorry, but... maybe we could meet and talk? There's really some shit going on."

Of course I said yes, we will see each other soon and I hope everything will be ok.

P.S. What was in the note? Literally, these lines:

“Follow the protocols,” he said.  “You’re compromised.  You know you just interacted with a strong Master.  Your team’s at stake.  Master stranger protocols.”

— Ward, Gleaming – 9.3

Vicky, you are actually in contact with a strong Master. Use the protocols, please. I am available at any time."

[thoraeth]

Black Hole Hunger [1/3] | All Might x reader

words: 1300 TW & Tags: gn!reader, no use of y/n, small might, slow burn, ANGST, fluff, happy ending, night terrors - implied att3mpt3d su1c1d3 and implied s3x in the following parts. Summary: As a victim of a villain attack, you demand compensation for what you've lost and All Might is the only one willing to help. Soon you'll find out that you're not the only one struggling with starting anew.

[Part 2] [Ao3]

“It's not gonna be alright!” you scream. 

“I lost my job, I lost my house…I own nothing but these ripped clothes now. Can you even imagine how it feels?”

An embarrassed silence falls on the UA’s infirmary. The heroes and the students all look away as the news gets broadcasted on a monitor above.

“This morning, a school for quirkless children was attacked by a solo villain and razed to the ground. Thanks to the intervention of a group of UA students, the kids are all safe with their parents. The casualties among the staff, however, are reported to be significant.”

After your outburst, the tall, scrawny man in front of you lowers his blonde head. 

You're used to seeing him everywhere on TV, but meeting the great All Might in the flesh has turned out to be…disheartening. 

Dark eyes sunken in his sharp face, he’s just a shadow of his former self, a skeleton in an elegant suit. Even his signature smile is gone. 

“There are no words to express how deeply sorry we are. We failed you.” he mutters.

“Oh, you did. That's why I'm sure Mr. Principal here will be generous enough to help a civilian out.” You look down to the mouse in the tweed vest, as you spit out your bitter words. “I need a job and a room. I'll work hard and I promise, I’ll be out of here in a month.”

“Impossible.” The mouse sighs, “Only students and professors can stay in the dorms.”

“Well, I could be a professor…temporarily. Teaching to quirkless people shouldn't preclude me from applying, right?” Your eyes narrow. “There must be actual lessons here, other than flamboyant costumes 101.”

Mr. Principal scratches his tiny nose and, after some thinking, he states aloud: “A guest lecturer. Yes, that might be interesting. Unfortunately, dear, I can’t help with the housing issue as I won't risk our student’s safety.”

“I insist. I don’t even know where to go for the night.”

“Could you please consider my hospitality, then?” All heads turn towards All Might. 

“I mean, I live here now and my old apartment has been empty for quite some time…I'd be glad to help. ”

”You really think that’s a good idea?” A black haired professor puffs from the back.

You recognise Eraserhead coming forward. As he argues with All Might, though, you get lost in thoughts about the offer.

The man must be rich. He’s the most famous hero in the world and owns one of the highest towers in the whole country… what he calls an apartment will most likely be a luxury residence.

You wonder at your own reasoning for a second: you never cared about these things before. You’re just a high school professor who loves being around students and colleagues, always smiling, caring. But the place where you've felt at home for so long has gone and god knows what’s gonna become of you now. 

Bitter and angry, you conclude that you deserve to figure things out in a free private pool rather than a shoebox for rent.

“I'll take your generous offer, thank you.”

A week has passed and you’re sipping on your instant noodles, still wondering what happened to that private pool. “I should have expected it.” you smirk behind the cup.

All Might’s apartment is plain and empty; more than decent but definitely far from luxurious. The place is so lifeless, actually, that he's probably hardly used it at all.

You put your dinner down and walk through the short corridor, yawning. A brief stop to change into your pajamas -a humongous sweatshirt forgotten at the bottom of a drawer- and you leave the bedroom for the dusty office where your scribbled notes await to be rehearsed. 

It's already dark outside when the jingling of keys echoes through the main room.

“Good evening.” A gentle voice calls as the door slowly opens “May I-?”

The number one hero freezes in the entryway, surprised.

His house is wrapped in a cozy darkness where glowing shapes fluctuate freely: lights and shadows woven into intricate connections, shifting into abstract shapes of humans, animals, landscapes.

“Oh! Good evening Mr. All Might.” 

As you spring to your feet, the darkness disappears and the ceiling light blinds you both a little.

“That was beautiful. I thought you said you have no quirk, though.”

“I said I taught the quirkless, sir. It’s my teaching method: showing while telling.”

“I’m sure the kids love it.” The blonde man smiles fondly. “Do you need anything? I was in the neighborhood with a friend, I thought to check if everything was all right here.” 

He goes sitting at the kitchen table.

“I have everything I need, thank you. I'm working hard for the lecture and I’ve almost found a place.” 

“You can stay as long as you want, I’m more than happy to help.”

“I just don't wanna be a dead weight. If all goes well, I could move out by the end of the week, so fingers crossed!”

His sunken blue eyes stare at the cup of tea you've set in front of him. “That's…that's great news.”

The conversation moves to the clichés all teachers love the most: the dumbest things their students did, how much they hate paperwork, why coffee from the teacher’s lounge tastes so bad. Chatting with him is lovely and he seems like a genuinely good person. 

“How sweet. I’m kinda sorry I yelled at him.” you think as he's rambling about a particularly angry freshman.

But a weird feeling is making its way through your mind. It's like…All Might doesn't want to leave. 

Noticing your casual glances at the watch on his wrist, the hero looks away. “It’s getting late, uh? I sure have bored you enough for the night, I should go back to the dorms.”

“On the other side of the city? By the time you get there it’ll be time for class…You could stay for the night.”

Suddenly flustered, he stutters about how inappropriate it would be, what a burden he would be.

“This is your house, remember?” You chuckle. “A house that has two separate rooms. The only issue I see here is that I may snore.”

“I'll use the office then, thank you for your concern.”

You just stare back at him, nodding slowly: is that man even for real? Thanking you for letting him stay in his own house? 

Still puzzled, you wish him good night and head for the corridor.

“Mh, that sweatshirt looks somewhat familiar.” He whispers, causing you to trip over your own feet, red-faced. 

When morning comes, though, you sit at the kitchen table, staring into space. 

Last night was hell.

His half-broken words brought you to stand outside the office door at 4am, wondering what cursed dreams were haunting the hero. Then, he must have woken up and paced around the office for the rest of the night, ‘cause the muffled thumps continued until sunrise.

“So much for living large.” You think, burying your face in your hands. “He’s spent his whole life watching over people and trauma is what he’s left with.”

The towering figure of All Might appears in the corridor, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Goodmorning.” He says cheerfully. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, thank you.” you lie.

The hero’s struggling with his loose tie when his phone rings loudly. He picks up and a flat voice crackles full volume:

“Toshinori, are you… Kids will be practicing…”

You can't help but smile softly as he waves towards you and runs out the apartment.

“Toshinori.” you whisper under your breath “Is that his real name?” 

The flutter in your chest fades quickly, it's not like you'll ever dare call him that.

[rea-grimm]

Until we meet again - Corpse groom cook

You shed a tear on the text in the newspaper, which under the water turned from your eyes into an unreadable stain. More and more tears began to fall on the newspaper, sliding down your cheeks and from there into the newspaper. 

News coo brought you the new copy you bought a while ago. Thanks to the newspaper at sea, you were able to keep some sort of track of what was going on where, and what it said today nearly broke your heart. 

You read about how Mihawk, during his hunt for Don Krieg, destroyed a very famous restaurant called the Baratie. That was the unexpected price of their conflict. 

The fall of the restaurant brought with it a lot of casualties, both from customers who didn't have time to evacuate and employees. There was a list of names of fallen victims that you immediately ran your eyes over. You were looking for one particular name that interested you the most.

As soon as your eyes fell on that name, you felt your eyes begin to moisten, and that was the moment when you remembered the promise you had made with that name, and when your tears began to dissolve the text in the newspaper. 

A few years ago, you were very close to Sanji. You were working as a waitress in Baratie, waiting for an opportunity to fulfil your dream. You wanted to see the world and sail the seas other than East Blue. Like Sanji, you wanted to find All Blue, but when you suggested it to the chef, he wasn't having it. 

You hoped that one day it would happen that Sanji would set out on a journey together and you would find All Blue together. But when the opportunity presented itself, you booked a boat for the two of them.

You wanted to tell him the news and you expected him to go with you while he had a surprise for you too. Sanji had booked the best balcony for the two of you for dinner that night, where you had a spectacular view of the sunset, and he prepared a more luxurious meal than normal, a table adorned with candlesticks and a small vase of roses.

The food was already served and you were about to sit down when he stopped you with a question. You nodded in agreement, expecting something ordinary. You didn't expect Sanji to reach into his pocket and pull out a small box before getting down on one knee. 

With that he asked you to marry him and if you would be the one to find All Blue with him. You were touched by this and most wanted to say your yes, but you still wanted to tell him your news. 

"I would love to. I've got a boat arranged, we can go together. It will be our start together," you replied excitedly, taking his hand. 

You saw a hesitant look cross Sanji's face. If he could, he would have come with you right away, but according to him, the restaurant and especially Zeff needed him. He felt like he still owed him. 

What was supposed to be your romantic dinner full of joy and excitement turned into a strange silence between the two of you, as you both realized, that this was the moment when your paths were supposed to part. Before this dinner, you had spoken to Zeff, and today was the end of your work commitment at the restaurant. 

After a moment, Sanji finally stood up, the box of rings still in his hands. He took your hand and placed the ring in your palm.

"Sanji," you said in a weak voice, rather uncomprehendingly. Sanji shook his head to keep you from saying anything. 

"I want you to keep my ring and I'll keep yours. It will be our promise for the future. You mean more to me than you know and I'm not going to give you up just like that. Therefore, when we meet again, you will give it back to me and tell me your answer right away," he said, closing your palm with the ring. 

Up until now, you thought you would keep your promise. Even though you were far away from him, you still had the ring hidden on a chain resting around your neck. 

You wiped the tears from your eyes and held the ring with one hand as if to connect with what Sanji was supposed to be carrying. You kept hoping it wasn't true.

After all, they wrote that many bodies were buried by the sea and many were not found. You hoped that Sanji might have been an exception, but you had the impression that it was just wishful thinking. 

It took you some time, as you were an awful long way from the site of the sinking of the Baratie and the location of the grave and memorial to the victims and one of the finest restaurants in the world. 

The sky was dark and even the land around looked like it was mourning the loss. You stood at the memorial and paused at the cross with Sani's name on it. You closed your eyes and again you felt the tears stinging your eyes. 

You tried to push them back and bent over the grave. You took the ring off your neck and hung it on a small cross. 

"I'm sorry it turned out this way. I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise... that I couldn't give you my yes..." you said weakly. Your words were barely audible over the strong wind and rough seas. 

Suddenly everything around you went quiet. The wind stopped blowing and the sea seemed to calm down. No birds were singing and only the faint rustling of leaves, which eventually died down too. The temperature dropped slightly until a chill ran down your spine. It was as silent as the grave.

"Y/N?" came a familiar voice. You immediately turned around and couldn't believe your eyes. Standing right in front of you was the Sanji you thought had died. 

"Sanji?" You asked as if you still didn't believe your eyes. "You're not dead?" You asked with a husk in your voice before throwing yourself into his arms. You were so glad he was still here. 

The cook was surprised at first, but then he hugged you back and rested his chin on your head. However, he didn't answer your question. He just said he was glad to see you again. 

As you clung to him, you got the impression that something was wrong. You got the impression that you didn't feel his classic warmth, but rather a coldness coming off him despite all his clothes. Plus, with your head on his chest, you couldn't hear his heartbeat. Nor did the breath from his nose or mouth ruffle your hair. 

You pulled away from him slightly and looked into his face. You noticed that even his skin was a lighter shade than before. 

"What happened to you?" You finally asked, as it was all strange and you couldn't put your finger on it. 

"I knew I wouldn't hold anything back from you," he sighed in resignation. He wanted to avoid it since he wasn't sure of everything himself yet. "Truth be told, I didn't survive," he finally admitted, looking you in the eye.

"But, you're standing here with me... That's impossible..." you said and let it go. Sure you've heard of zombies, but it was the fault of the man with the demon fruit. 

"I don't really understand it myself, but I know I died. The fight between Don Krieg and Mihawk was brutal and unstoppable. The next thing I know, I was digging through my own grave..." he explained, and to make you believe him, he let go of you and took a step back. 

Only now did you notice that his hands were covered with gloves. You'd never seen him wearing gloves before. His hands as a cook were his pride and joy. 

"Just don't be scared," he said before lighting a cigarette. He took a drag from it before removing his gloves, revealing one completely bony hand. The other hand was still in normal condition. 

That alone made you wide-eyed when you realized that wasn't all. Sanji lifted his hand and brushed back the hair that covered his eye, where there was now an empty hole.

After that, he undid a few more buttons from his shirt, revealing his chest, with a chunk of flesh and skin missing and all you could see were his clean ribs. 

"But how?" You asked, your eyes darting between his bony parts and his eyes. 

"I'm not sure myself, but believe me, even being like this now hasn't changed my feelings for you. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you and our dream of finding All Blue," he said, pulling a ring from his breast pocket.

After that, he still confessed to you that he sailed with Luffy and the others when he had the feeling or the urge to come back here. Something inside him urged him to return to his grave site and to his surprise he found you there. In his words, it was simply fate. 

You had a lot to say to each other and since Luffy's ship was docked nearby, he invited you aboard. Like him, you wanted to spend more time with him and catch up on what had happened in the meantime. 

Everyone on board immediately accepted you and before you could even look around, Luffy invited you to join his crew. 

That same evening, Sanji invited you to dinner, setting up a private table away from every one, with privacy for just the two of you. It felt a little like a deja vu, the last time you saw him. 

Dinner was peaceful, and you had a pleasant conversation and a good laugh as you told stories of your travels. You had no idea how much you missed this. Sure, your travels were fine, and you didn't miss anything, but, no one else could replace this. 

Sanji asked you that same night if you wanted to join him and Luffy's pirates. He took your hand and asked if you would go All blue together. This time you accepted and said yes. That night you finally exchanged the rings you had been wearing for so long.

Sanji Masterlist

[ilivingonmyway]

Something, something, some headcanons about the Ninja team that I have this is in alphabetical order. Part II here!

Cole

• Being the Earth Elemental, he knows several types of rocks, earth and minerals, as each one has a different structure that can interfere and/or contribute to a task/fight.

• Even though he hated dancing for a long time, he still practiced some steps from different dance styles, because some of them were very similar to moves that could be used in battle he did it in secret thought.

• For a long time he always acted a little distant from the other team members, but he was still there to support them if they needed it.

• He's a mama's boy, and he loved seeing Lilly and Lou dancing together.

• It was his grandfather who chose his name. He was bedridden, but he held on until Lilly gave birth to the baby, and when Grandfather saw the little one he cried, because he knew he wouldn't survive to see the child growing up, So, Lilly asked him to name him, as if it were an "I'll always be here" gesture from grandfather to grandson.

• His favorite game is the one where there's a bunch of food falling from the sky and you have to catch it, he's already broken a record 3 times in this game.

Jay

• He's the fastest and most elastic/flexible on the team. This guy's ability to put his thigh behind his head is insane, you DON'T want to be his partner in stretching exercises.

• He knows the Kyusho-Jitsu. This is a technique/type of fight used to stun/paralyze the opponent by striking pressure points (Curiosity, this is the technique that inspired Ty Lee's Chi Blocking technique from ATLA). He uses this on normal criminals, like thieves, assassins, and smuggling gangs, that way they don't get hurt. However, he also use it on Krypytarium criminals, but with the addition of a mild shock to ensure the criminal is rendered unconscious.

• Edna taught him how to cook, so he has the ability to make really good food. Although he prefers to make roasts and stews.

• Jay is a sleepwalker. Not daily, but during really bad lightning storms. Master Wu often found him sleeping on the highest point of the Monastery after the storm. Once, the Ninjas tried to keep him inside the room during the storm. They locked the door and windows and kept watch. But somehow, Jay still managed to get out of the room and get into the storm. No one ever found out how he did this.

• This one I got from Lloyd’s Guide To Surviving The Merge, a lovely fanfiction of @omgjayaaa, I really loved that one He's a medic. He knows how to treat illnesses, injuries, concussions, etc. It started out more as a hobby. Check out medical books from the local library and spend hours reading and applying the teachings on the Monastery's training dummies (sometimes Zane was the victim) just as a "strange diversion" (Kai's words). However, one day, there was a training accident and Cole dislocated his arm, while everyone was worried trying to call the hospital, in an incredible act not to mention strange of calm, Jay grabbed Cole's arm and relocated it back into place, then he borrowed some materials that were in his room and made a sling for the Earth Elemental's arm. No one ever forgot that day, because while Jay was "Just another normal day" the others were staring at him like "What the fuck was that?"

• I also got this from a Ninjago chat fanfic, also from @omgjayaaa He is a natural with children. You can't say otherwise, that this super sensitive and humorous man doesn't have a natural ability to calm/entertain/do anything involving children. And he really enjoys that, being able to make a baby stop crying and go to sleep or helping a child that got lost from the parents. Your honor, this man has everything it takes to be a good father and you're not going to change my mind.

Kai

• He hates super spicy food, being the Fire Elemental doesn't mean his taste buds are pepper/wasabi approved. He just likes a small amount in his food. Ironically, spicy food can kind of serve as fuel for the fire, so the hotter the pepper is, the more heat the fire emanates from it. Although he hates this ability.

• He's not very good at reading/writing, he left school very early to take care of Nya and the Blacksmith, so he lost most of his literacy skills. However, he took some lessons from Wu, so he didn't feel so out of place.

• In fact, his natural hair is like his mother's, but it's as untamable as his father's, which is why he uses so much hair gel. Like, you can't say that wavy and stubborn hair is not hard to care.

• He's that kind of person who sings in the shower, he often forgets that there are people in the Monastery and starts singing so loud that you can hear it from the training yard.

• He and Jay, often in secret, hang out together. Where? Karaoke. Kai sings and Jay plays the guitar, sometimes they change roles Kai prefers to play the bass. It's a lot of fun for both of them, but they don't want to let others find out, because they know none of them, especially Nya, would let it go.

• As much as many people think otherwise, of the RGB siblings, Kai is the most "stable". Not because he wants to, but because he is Nya and Lloyd's support. He feels very embarrassed when the papers change.

• He is super attentive to people close to him, especially Lloyd, who is the youngest on the team. However, now with the addition of Wyldfyre, Sora and Arin in DR, he is as protective as he was with Lloyd.