#not sure if this is coherent or helpful

[gently-decaying-flowers]

something on anon-- it feels like my life will start at 18 and I've been lying to my therapist that I'm doing better than I am

sorry for the depressing ask 😬

hey

anon

look at me

i feel the same, genuinely, like you're trapped until you turn 18. being honest and real, you're gonna be you at 18. you're going to have all your baggage and experience and hurt at 18. just with legal adulthood and more responsibilities.

so maybe if your therapist can help you feel better and help heal any healing you can NOW, you can really live at 18 feeling a bit better than you will if you don't let yourself get the help you can

[fluffylord]

I have an uncontrollable urge to touch that fluff.

[ofbardsandmen]

nothing ever excites me more than a spontaneous genshin, or more particularly, mondstadt discovery. i sat diluc upon the barbatos statue as a nice spot to go afk on without being interrupted by repetitive idle animations and voicelines (sorry diluc, this is nothing personal). my volume was turned up more than regularly by accident, and my in-game music was off despite how much i like the original game soundtrack. aNYHOW- i was about to go afk when i heard some strange noises that i didn't recall hearing in mondt before. it made me pause and turn my volume up even more. in the video above, it's kind of hard to discern the brief sounds over the noise of the wind up on the statue and in mondstadt in general, but when the wind dies down a little, you can distinctly hear voices of people, and what shocked me the most – neighs of horses. i have no clue whether it is just me discovering this only now, after 4 years of playing this godforsaken game and clearly not having paid enough attention to mondstadt's sfx before, but i still felt the need to share this terribly interesting tidbit in case there's other clueless mondstadt enthusiasts like me.

[trainingdummyrabbit]

which character ya wanna post about? (invitation to go off)

ouuHGUHUGHHG ive been rotating this around for hours bc ive redirected myself like 5 times since u sent it but ithink i got it i got it this time. i wanna talk abt porccubus. ok gimme a minute gimme a minute

so like. i know theyre technically the same thing, across lobcorp/ruina, but i really really wanna dissect the weird contrast it has going on there. (though, isuppose, their "same"ness is kinda up in the air re:abnos, considering there was a librarian snippet abt child of the galaxy being more "vicious", but wwwwwweh [waves hands around])

so like. the thing about lobcorp porccubus is that its just. an odd fucking creature. like yeah obviously, but its about the way its perception seems to weave around it. its core themes, that of pleasure and euphoria, uncontainable and uncontrollable, would imply that its something impulsive, stimulation-seeking, something that is driven wholly by desire and would be difficult to pin down. however, the way that its logs and flavor text are written give off a much more... subdued vibe, for lack of better words to describe it.

it is the source of that elation, yes, but everything in the way it holds itself is so withdrawn. it simply floats there, yes, but there is little to no mention of it making any moves of its own (which, now that i recheck its info log, is also mentioned plaintext!) and its in-work flavor text seems to speak with the tone of someone Studying it, Speaking about it, rather than observations of its movements or descriptions of its mindset. its all very distant. speaking in third person to someone who is listening. ...right?

which is to say: whats wrong with this dog. its story implies direct exploitation yet it just… it Just. its some strange little animal. its not malevolent and trying to kill people for fun. but it also isnt all sad like petals plucked from a daisy. it just Is. it has almost the same sort of feel as some sort of object. and yet it is clearly alive. does it have a will? it must; as abnormalities Do. so what is it? it functions by its own rules and just kinda Goes Here. does it want? does it need?

porccubus itself acts more like a Service or Trade than an actual creature. you walk in and interact with it, and it knows what to do in response. game of trust - it does a little song and dance as is its nature, yet doesnt seem to desire much more.

which also brings me to the shackle-- the little necklace around its neck. it speaks about how it was chained up, for whatever reason, and yet nobody seems to have any idea why. and porccubus... just doesnt seem to mind it. never mentions it. its such a particular type of indifference. (i suppose another good question is what is it shackled to?) and even further still... what does it mean that the ego gift it grants Is that necklace?

lc!porccubus as a creature is laced with restraint. both in a literal sense, And in an internal sense. pleasure and euphoria, yet it is definitively restrained. it cannot reach out first. it does not act on its own, but rather waits for something else to reach out First. even when it breaches, it (according to what im reading,) simply... waits. waits for an approach. (you Must approach it. it has to be a Choice.) theres something very Aimless about it, mechanical almost. i cant really sum it up in any way other than That Is An Animal.

...which brings a very interesting contrast between It and its Ruina counterpart. in the library, its much more Jubilant. it speaks, for one, which is something i straight up didnt know it did for a while. the way that it presents itself outwardly is much more outspoken-- inviting, wanting someone to engage, trying to persuade that first step. it yearns! pet it! it wants to share what it has to give, but it still wants that hand of yours offered to it First. its happy! its happy! come be happy with it!! dance with it, play with it! its demeanor is so much more forward, more present... more conscious.

and crucially... that shackle is no longer tied about its neck. rather, it dangles loose from the end of its tail, almost like an accessory rather than something granted/given to it. does this represent the release of former ties? it certainly acts more free than it did before-- whatever was holding it back, is it gone now? is its shift in demeanor the jubilant frolicking of that which has never been able to soar? is this what allows its nature of wishing to share that elation to shine through? much like a dog chained to a stake, finally being set loose in an open field.

in an unspoken turn of events, porccubus seems to focus on Release. release of ties, release of inhibitions, release of that which had been holding you back. it wants nothing more than to give what it is experiencing to those which are weighed down by things that keep them unhappy. and yet, it does nothing to truly alleviate what those woes are, simply covering them up with a layer of unrelenting sweetness.

..............which of course, brings me to angela. yeah yall thought i could go an essay without her?? lol. lmao.

on the floor realization centered around her staunch desire to live, it almost seems to stick out like a sore thumb. with all of the withdrawn mourning and wishing that the rest of the phases share, pleasure is an odd slap in the face, almost. but... it really does make it hit that much harder-- Especially with that which was expanded upon above. the imagery of unshackling yourself from that which held you down, allowing yourself to feel things you never were able to-- never were Allowed to. is that not what she stands for, here?

its reaching towards an open door, trying to grasp to any amount of Living that you can reach-- you deserve that much, at least. at the Very least. you Have to be allowed something. but not only is it that desire, but its also the Ignorance. the understanding that no matter what you mask it with, all that baggage still remains. chasing those short, intense bursts of happiness-- everything else still continues to eat away at what's underneath. and yet, theres still a consciousness to that. even further than that, a commitment.

who cares what becomes of you because of this? this happiness-- this which you were never allowed to so much as dream of-- is right within your grasp. and to taste it for even the smallest of moments, the briefest amount of time-- that makes it worth it. it was all worth it. nothing matters more than this complete devotion to sensation. it doesnt matter if it tears you apart from the inside, this is what you were always looking for. this is what you deserve. and youll do anything to hold onto it.

in some odd way, it really is about rotting.

in conclusion,

[nibbelraz]

shang qinghua deserves to be a) squeezed like a stress ball and b) a god who kind of but not really lost control

And now I want to talk about how cool it would be if like uh uh the system and sqh were having custody battles over who has more control over the world and obviously its the system the system is really wierd and thats an entire discussion but qinghua is the author and that's really really important to me he should write stuff into existence I think but also last week I had an idea that went like uh sqh loses more and more power as he changes things, so when he's transmigrated in as a baby he loses a lot of 'power' unintentionally and then when mobei comes in there's a thing and when sy comes in he literally just loses it all and he knows this inst really his story anymore

Aahahaha it's 2am I'm gonna stop yammering now good luck on your future endeavors

Mobei is always squeezing Shang Qinghua like a stress ball but affectionately

I, on the other hand, squeeze him and shake him around like a chew toy

Your idea tho!!!! I'm very interested in that!!!

CUSTODY BATTLE OF POWERS a fitting description

It's kinda like, yeah he was a God of that world because he wrote it out and can change anything on a whim.

But once you're actually a part of that world, well it's a little hard to change it since you're living in it.

I'm really interested in Shang Qinghua slowly but surely realizing he's not really in his own story. Yeah he wrote it yeah he made the character but when does the line between "I wrote this character" and "theyre an in depth person with feelings and lives and to me they were only written in a second but here they're actually someone " blur

He spent his whole second life clinging to everything to live and worrying about that characters future and using everyone around him to save himself

When did he really see these people as...people

A one off character becoming his friend

A minor character dying to advance the plot, does he see the grief? Does he say they're characters to help digest what he's done? He never meant for any of this to be real, so how does he handle it?

Does he finally see everyone as real, or does he simply become a character as well?

[hecatesbroom]

"I've become much more comfortable with my sexuality because of Blanche" um. EXCUSE ME DOROTHY??

[spinnysocks]

kiburi x ushari but specifically doomed kiburi x ushari. more than anyone else in the army they believe with full sincerity that scar's plan HAS to work because they can't succeed without him

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Hi! I was hoping you might be able to help me since you watch a lot of the interviews and stuff with FK.

How much like The Heart Killers novel is the show going to be? Did the author get to read the script and go off of that or was it just the basic plot? I seem to remember them talking about it but I can't find it and I'm genuinely worried.

Hello anon.

So, I’m pretty confident in saying that the THK novel is based on the full screenplay/script rather than vice versa (or just basic plot).

P’Jojo and P’Aof discussed with their friends when they reacted to the pilot trailer - where they mentioned they actually received the idea of the plot (or maybe even a bare script?) 2 years ago. At that time, the plot was more serious 🧐. And both were not keen to pursue it. But within 2 yrs and beyond, they have revise the screenplay to the point where we are at.

After that, they (GMMTV) approached the author to adopt it into a novel (I guess for business and consumerism purposes? To sell as merch). She mentioned in this tweet as well as explain more during the recent BookExpo official launch - where she initially declined to do the adaptation of the screenplay to novel. However, when she received the script and saw Khaotung was one of the main character, she immediately accepted it.

So, if anything - we will need to wonder how much we are seeing on screen will be in the novel (and how much did the author changed/diverted from the screenplay- cause we all know sometimes it may not be exactly the same).

As for how much of the novel we will be seeing on screen? - my guess it’s going to be pretty close but how much we are explicitly going to see them….🫣🫣🫣 (well, I guess there is a reason why the show will be on IQiYI).

I’m going to assume you are asking about the NC scenes (specifically the BDSM, rope-play etc.) because the basic plot of Kant/Style getting close to the brothers to get information won’t change per se - there are already Thai fans on Twitter who spoiled it a little bit that the book is spicy (and I mean SPICY - there is flogging, pain play etc) - I think the word this specific Thai fan said “I need to go bath myself in holy water” 😂 (this fan has kindly been doing English translation for inter-fans and put it up on Wattpad to read). Plus, I’m sure I saw a flogger on Kant’s chest during that unholy scene in the official trailer….

Also, I took a sneak peek of the prologue the fan translated - pretty much Kant description was a dead ringer of our lovely First 🤣 (185cm, dark brown large sparkling eyes)…so, safe to say - the author definitely used the boys and script as the based of her novel adaptation.

04/11/2024

[arundolyn]

ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode

[impulsive-fantasylander]

Nah nah cus I am still thinking about how in my future au at some point c!Tommy is going to look older than Ghostbur while the latter will stay looking the same as when c!Wilbur died. Fuck... this shit hurts actually.

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

[everybodyshusband]

I can't help but wonder, how do you imagine the other ghouls reacting to a regressed Rain, Dew and Phantom sh-ing? And if so, (specifically Dew) do they accept the help or try to fight it?

ohhhh i also have so, so many thoughts about this, thank you for the ask, dear anon !!! (although to be honest, most of my thoughts are just unintelligible mess of Thought Soup that i can't put into words but i'll do my absolute best !!)

under the cut once again. cw for blood, discussions/descriptions of self-harm (numerous methods) in relation to regressed ghouls, INCLUDING GHOULS SELF HARMING WHILE REGRESSED

as i said in my original post, i think phantom and rain are much more easily distracted from their negative thoughts once they're regressed. that's not to say that neither of them have acted on these thoughts before, but it definitely happens less often with those two than it does with dewdrop. or... maybe not less often, but definitely more subtly.

for instance, when phantom is "big" enough in their regression to be able to talk (or at least, nod and shake their head to communicate their wants and needs), they have a tendency to refuse food because they know it will make their stomach hurt after a while. this is quickly picked up by the other ghouls because phantom never usually has any issues with food, so it's a sure sign that their regressed headspace is an upset one. in these events, the pack make sure to swaddle them up nice and tightly in their favourite nicely textured blanket and cuddle them so gently, whispering words of reassurance and love as they fall asleep. they're fairly accepting of the coddling and the help provided by their pack, but that may be because they're just so little that they can't do anything about it. the pack get worried about phantom when they're like this, naturally, but they know phantom's danger levels are fairly low when regressed; there are much bigger dangers to their health when they're in a regular headspace compared to going a few hours without a snack.

(obviously their sporadic refusal of food has the potential to turn into a bigger issue than it is currently, and the pack know that and are keeping an eye out as best as they all can. at the moment though, it's never progressed to anything worse than phantom refusing the cut up fruit cirrus and mountain offer them every few hours)

rain is a little bit more obvious in their self harm than phantom is. they do their best to hide it, but their regression makes it hard to be as subtle as they'd like. don't get it twisted though, sometimes they can be quite sneaky (they're a water ghoul with a very low body temperature; if they snuggle up with dew (or swiss) long enough when he's purposefully cranking his internal body heat up to warm rain up, they can get some pretty serious burns, and they don't even have to lift a finger to cause the pain) but most of the time they're almost incapable of being subtle about it. whether its a slip of the mouth when they're chatting away to aether, telling him that "my legs really hurt from earlier," or "wow, cirrus, i really don't feel good after drinking every single drop of that funny, burning liquid from the pretty bottle." after confessing what they've done to one of the ghouls, they're instantly bundled up in someone's arm to keep them from wandering off and doing themselves any more damage. depending on what they've done, they'll be cleaned up and gently and painlessly as possible (cutting/hitting themselves), or given a somewhat stern talking to about not drinking or eating anything unless one of their pack has given it to them (alcohol/drug consumption). whether they accept the help gratefully or try to resist it depends entirely on the complexities of their headspace. some days the pain/worry/stress that self harming causes to their regressed self is enough that they'll accept any help offered to them easily, and they want nothing more than to be looked after and loved by their packmates. but some days they're very reluctant; they don't believe they deserve the help their pack wants to give them, so they do their best to hide away and isolate to avoid being taken care of (the only downside to this is that they have the same hiding place every time, so it's very easy for the other ghouls to find a freaked out regressed rain).

and dew... my favourite little guy... oh, how i love to make him suffer :) i've actually talked about little dew, his relation with self harm, and the other ghouls' reaction to it in length with @cirrus-ghoulette, so WOW, am i excited for this opportunity to spill forth my thoughts, haha !! thank you once again, anon ! (a lot of our discussions have been centred around dew being in constant residence at the abbey's infirmary due to chronic illness things, so most of my thoughts revolve around that, for some context !!)

dewdrop does his best to fumble around with his collection of blades in a coordinated enough manner to be able to carve some damage into himself while he's regressed. over his time in the infirmary under omega's watchful eye, dew gets progressively better at hiding his self harm from omega (because he knows that omega won't hesitate to place him under intense observation if he thinks dew is in serious danger, and dew Does Not Want That), and that includes when he's regressed. he's been known to mess around with his blades under the blankets while omega's been talking to him and keep a relatively neutral face, even as he cuts little slices into his skin (he can never manage to cut very deep when he's regressed), and the only thing that gives him away are the little splotches of blood that stain his sheets. eventually, omega learns dew's quirks and mannerisms that let him know that dew is self harming while regressed and he puts measures into place to stop that from happening as much as possible.

the easiest way to prevent dew from harming is to take away his blades, but he'll always question it when he's regressed. he'll ask omega in the softest, smallest, most heartbroken voice where his "sharp fings" are when the quintessence ghoul comes in to give him a checkup, insisting that his skin feels all tingly and the only way he can stop it from feeling like this is to make himself hurt. every time this happens, omega has to gently explain that he's taken the blades away to keep dew safe because he was hurting himself, which makes dew quite distressed; he knows he's hurting himself when he does this, but when he's regressed, he doesn't always acknowledge/understand the magnitude of it until someone else puts it into words for him. he asks for his blades back every single time and omega has to insist that "no, dove. he can't give them back, he's got to keep dew nice and safe, okay?"

there are absolutely times when dew refuses to accept omega's help until he's literally kicking and screaming with tears running down his cheeks as he sobs about his meggy being so mean and nasty to him. but as much as i love putting dew through pain, i also think that regressing can also have that aspect of safeness for him. if omega offers dew help, he might not accept it right away, but if omega nudges dew in the right way, he'll practically beg to sit cuddled up on omega's lap with a plushie in his arms and a pacifier in his mouth, sleepily watching an episode of a kids tv show. and because primarily, regression dew's way of keeping himself safe (despite the fact that it's not usually a conscious decision), he's able to find comfort in that safer headspace if someone else is there to help and guide him, and move away from the one that tells him he needs to self harm.

[twilightakiishi]

i need to smoke a joint with togame

[faraskyetruther]

Miles being told he’s an anomaly probably not only added to the self-doubt that likely still remained after the spider people in Into the Spiderverse judged he wasn’t ready to be spider-man yet but also to the inherent self-doubt that must exist in replacing Peter Parker. Because if you think about it Blonde Peter Parker with his grad school education and wife represents that image of the perfect white picket fence America. But as an afro-latino teenager Miles isn’t representative of that version of America and can never truly be a like for like replacement of Peter Parker (which is something he appears to be trying to do in the first film with buying the costume, until of course he gets his own suit). And it feels significant thag Miles initially feels unable to live up to the legacy of that Peter Parker.

And already besides the whole spider-man thing, there’s already an increased sense of a similar feeling of not belonging in moving into a more white dominated school which from the glimpses we get of Brooklyn Middle is much whiter than Miles’ old school. And it’s kind of touched on in the first film where Miles talks about the lottery and his father has to remind him he took the entrance exam to and has as much a right to be there (it’s not completely accurate but it’s along the right lines) which links to that sense of otherness and isolation.

So basically what I’m thinking is how Miles being othered by the other spider people links to that feeling of ethnic minorities being othered and being made to felt like they don’t belong in America. Like there’s that scene in Across the Spiderverse where the guidance councillor says Miles can use the fact that he comes from an immigrant family in his college essay, and Rio reminds her that they are Puerto Rican and are still Americans.

Admittedly I may be overly deeping it but in a way it really feels like that way Miles reacts to being isolated by the other spider people in their creation of spider society without him is influenced by a greater sense of isolation in his school society and the US society as a whole. As ultimately spider-man can be considered to be an American hero yet people in the country may not even consider Miles Morales to truly represent that white picket perfection that they believe is at the centre of what makes America America

[bitegore]

getting mental healthcare is really cool, its like asking someone to take a sledgehammer to your self-interest and then saying thank you after because it makes your life moderately easier even though you have to deal with this shit now

[simcardiac-arrested]

Needed a warm up, remembered how I saw this little guy for the first time and literally screamed

She is so ever to me, I think she should cause so many problems on purpose

i just opened tumblr and saw this and i am being so serious when i say this made my organs turn to mush and make me pace around the house for a good 3 minutes just to start having coherent thoughts