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osamusriceballs · 2 years ago

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Kinktober Day 11 <3

Tsukishima x sensory deprivation

Warnings: NSFW, fem reader

Words: ~ 1,1 k

Kinktober Masterlist II -> Next day

"Come on, just let me take off the blindfold."

You sigh and wiggle your wrists in his grasp, only for him to snicker amusedly. "I feel like you don't fully understand the concept of sensory deprivation. The blindfold is essential for this." You can hear him click his tongue at the end of the words, feigning annoyance while he answers. "I know, but isn't it enough that you're chaining my hands to the bed?" As a cue, he wraps the silky tie around your wrists, tight, but far from painful, expertly tying the knot around your hands.

"I don't think so." He squeezes your cheeks, and you try to protest but the words come out as nonsense. "Just be patient for me. Can you do that?" You feel him shift his weight on the bed, his lips now at the shell of your ear when he whispers the words. A shiver runs down your spine and you quickly nod- maybe a bit too eager because he is quick to release a mocking snort.

You hold your breath when you feel his hands on your body, his thumbs rubbing the material of your blouse above your collarbones. Goosebumps form on your skin, his touch warm when his knuckles brush against the swell of your breast as he starts to unbutton the fabric. His hands roam around your stomach, to the cage of your ribs, just barely grazing along the fabric of your bra as soon as he has finished unbuttoning your blouse. Anticipation rushes through you, your body ever so sensitive to all of his touches while you tried to predict where he is going to touch you next. No words are exchanged when you feel him pulling back, leaving the bed for good.

"Kei?" you ask hesitantly, hearing him shuffle around and arranging some things. "Hmm? You good there?"

"Yes- but come back, Kei. Don't make me wait." You know that you sound desperate, but you can stop replaying different scenarios in your mind when you're tied to the bed like this. He clearly enjoys seeing you go crazy with anticipation. A few more moments of him arranging and rearranging stuff that feel like an eternity to you while you can't see, and you feel his weight dipping down the mattress again.

He's close.

You can't see him, but you can feel him. Feel his presence right next to you, his even and deep breaths, his smell- all of your other senses seem to tell you that he's close. Your body jolts when you suddenly feel his breath on your neck, softly breathing against your skin. "You look so pretty like this." A ragged breath escapes your lips at his words, the sudden softness in his tone adding to the intimacy of the moment.

A sudden cold sensation on your bare stomach makes you squirm. You hadn't noticed that his hands have been busied with something else, and when he presses it harder against you, you whine, feeling the cold wetness drip down to your navel. It lingers a few more moments on your skin, causing you to gasp at the freezing sensation, goosebumps forming on your skin already. You hear an almost metallic sound when the coolness disappears and he puts something away.

"Ok. Tell me what that was." His voice sounds teasing, a smirk adorning his lips for sure. "An ice cube," you reply, trying to sound neutral and put together. "Hmm, really good. I think you deserve a little reward for getting this one right." His lips travel down your collarbones, softly sucking and nibbling on your skin, causing your head to fall back and your toes to curl. His fingers hook into the cups of your bra and pull the fabric down, just enough to free your tits. His tongue softly glides over one of your hard buds, swirling and sucking just enough to make you clench your legs. He pulls back way too soon, your other nub aching for attention too. "Can you guess what's this too?" A soft and light sensation meets your neck, moving along your jaw and down your throat.

You wiggle even more in the ties when the tickling sensation doesn't stop, the soft caress going down to your collarbones, sending shivers down your spine when you can't anticipate where he'd touch you next. "And?" He sounds smug at this point, clearly satisfied when he sees how much you squirm.

"A feather." You sound breathless for sure, but it's simply the effect of the feather now tracing along your exposed breast and moving down your stomach. "You're so good at this, darling."

You ball your hands into fists when he brings his lips to your chest again, replacing the feather with his lips and giving your nipple a soft bite. "Kei-" the sensation so unexpected to you that you moan his name, the sound echoing through the room in a way that makes you burn in embarrassment. "Hmm, what is it?" he answers with his lips still attached to your skin, his voice barely a whisper in the room. "Feels good." Your head is thrown back into the pillows, your back arching your chest into his mouth.

"I'm sure it does." He pulls back, much to your disdain. "Are you ready for the next one?" Tsukishma moves further down, your body jolting when his hands open the button of your pants, slowly pulling them down your legs. You shiver when you're basically lying in front of him in your underwear, a hot wave of need rushing through your body when he hooks his fingers in the hem of your panties. Heat rises to your cheeks when he removes your panties as well, not saying anything, instead, you're only met with nerve-wrecking silence.

"Kei? What are you-" a surprised moan leaves your lips when you feel a soft sensation between your legs- his lips without a doubt, pressing kisses to your already wet folds. Your muscles tense and you involuntarily try to reach for his head, only to be restricted by the tie. His tongue licks along your folds, his nose brushing against your clit, and he has you moaning his name with these few touches already already. The wet noises of his kisses fill the room, your breaths uneven when he pushes his tongue unexpectedly in your entrance. "Oh god- Kei- so good-" you whine when he picks up his pace, licking inside of you with no mercy until he has your thighs clenching around his head. "Yeah? What feels good`? Tell me, darling. Can you guess?"

"Your tongue-" you whine when he rewards you with extra attention to your clit, sucking on the sensitive nub and toying with it with his tongue. Your body is burning from his touches already, eager for more, eager for him to fuck you like this-

"You're so good at this." He presses one last kiss to your pussy, and you feel his weight shifting on the mattress, knowing exactly what he will do next when you hear him fumble with his belt.

"I think you deserve another reward."

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nnnn99999 · 6 months ago

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There is so much to talk about when it comes to the FadelStyle dynamics in ep 5. I am so excited for this!

At the sauna once again

Style is back at the sauna and Fadel is coming soon. Before I talk about their interaction in the sauna, I want to talk about the thoughts the two of them are having before they start the interaction.

Fadel is entering this scene with the trauma of his parents' death very fresh in his mind. And also dealing with the realization that his next target is the man responsible for his parents' murder (I have my doubts about that but Fadel doesn't, he has no reason to suspect his adoptive mother could be lying to him). He is hurt, sad, lonely and somewhat vulnerable. And also probably stressed out about the mission because this is the most difficult mission for them yet. Not only because he has to confront his trauma, but also because he has to make a spectacle out of this killing, therefore warranting a public killing. So yeah, he is not in the best mood, but I believe it's mostly because he is reliving the grief of his parents' death.

Style on the other hand is scared out of his mind because he found out not long ago that his boyfriend is a killer. He is still processing this information and the implications this might have on his life. He was also emotionally blackmailed by his bestie to continue dating said killer so that bestie can collect evidence to put his boyfriend in jail. That is a lot to deal with. Adding on the fact that Style has already formed a bond with Fadel makes this such a difficult situation for Style. He doesn't want to betray Fadel because he is already starting to like him, but he is also scared that Fadel might kill him, and he also doesn't want to leave his bestie to deal with this whole situation alone because he is a good friend (yes that was a quip against you Kant, your sad little pretty face is not going to make me forget how fucked up you are for pulling Style into this whole mess). So, at this point Style is scared, jittery and very uncomfortable with close proximity to Fadel, but also unable to break up with him.

Style is so uncomfortable with Fadel that the moment he realizes Fadel is going to sit next to him, he moves away and looks the other way. He is actively trying to avoid any interaction with Fadel. And maybe he expects Fadel to either keep to himself or walk away because so far in their relationship it's Style who was the one chasing and Fadel the one being chased (except the gym scene in ep 4, but that was after they had become boyfriends and Style was too busy being terrified and trying to flee the scene to think deeply about the change in Fadel’s behavior). But the dynamics have changed now. Fadel has stopped being passive. He is initiating interactions between the two instead. He clearly notices Style's discomfort, which is why he scoots closer and confronts Style about his strange behavior. Because this is the second time Style tried to run away from him.

The thigh grab in this part is actually very interesting to me. Fadel grabs Style's thigh mainly to get his attention because Style is looking the other way with seemingly no intention of looking at Fadel anytime soon. But Fadel is also very attracted to Style and grabbing his thigh is a (not so) subtle way of expressing his desire for Style, as well as an attempt to reconnect with Style. Because now Style has this wall built around him and Fadel can sense it. And I think that is such a beautiful shift in their dynamics. All this time it was Fadel who had his guard up and Style was the one trying to reach out and connect to Fadel. Now it's Style who has his guard up and Fadel is the one trying to reach out and connect to Style. The fact that Fadel is actually trying to reach out to Style and initiating the conversation speaks volumes about how much he likes Style already. I also find it interesting that Fadel grabbing Style's thigh like that doesn't really make Style uncomfortable, or at least more uncomfortable than he already is. Style was already frowning before Fadel grabbed his thigh. After Style felt (and heard-that was quite a loud smack) Fadel's hand on his thigh, he just glanced at the hand without changing his expression at all and naturally shifted his gaze to Fadel’s face. He did not dwell on that smack at all. This tells me that Style is okay with having Fadel's hand on his thigh like that. He is not intimidated by this action. His fear of getting killed by his boyfriend does not make him averse to Fadel's touch, which I think speaks volumes about how much Style also likes Fadel already.

Then Fadel directly confronts Style about his strangeness, and Style immediately deflects saying that he's fine, that he is just not used to being boyfriends with Fadel yet since he was the one chasing after Fadel all this time. While Style is clearly trying to hide his fear and discomfort over Fadel being a literal killer, I believe there is quite a bit of honesty in what Style said. Because Style is in fact not used to Fadel approaching him, be it at the gym in ep 4 or now in the sauna. Style is so used to chasing after Fadel and being pushed away by him, that this sudden change in dynamics caught him off guard. Had he not had the truth of Fadel's reality looming over his head, he would have been overjoyed to have Fadel approaching him. However, now he feels so conflicted between enjoying Fadel's attention on him and literally fearing for his life.

And then comes another very interesting part. Fadel actually picks up on Style's discomfort despite Style’s best attempts to hide it (is it really his best attempt though considering he has "I am sus" written on his face). And immediately, Fadel gives him an out, an opportunity to break up before he falls deeper (Fadel, honey, who are you kidding? You were already gone the moment you agreed to be boyfriends). But everything about Fadel's body language screams just how much he doesn't want to break up with Style. He says he doesn't mind, he says he doesn't like Style that much, he says he'll get over it. But he is so clearly sulking because Style didn't immediately refute the break up. (I find this so funny. Fadel's sulky little face made me laugh so much. He is such a cutie once you remove the outer layer of grumpiness. It's a pity Style is too busy contemplating whether he should take this out Fadel has given him or not to appreciate the treasure that is sulky Fadel.)

I think the reason Fadel gets so sulky is because he actively sought out Style because he was upset. Fadel wanted comfort and company from Style specifically because Style makes him happy. So seeing Style running away from him makes him unhappy. Fadel is looking straight ahead when he says "I'll get over it" and waits a while for Style to respond. I read this pause as Fadel waiting for Style to say that he doesn't want to break up, because being Fadel's boyfriend is what Style wanted all along isn't it? When Fadel doesn't get a response from Style, he looks at Style again and he sees Style thinking. This is when Fadel gets really upset. His thought process is something along the lines of "Oh so you're actually thinking about breaking up with me? You actually changed your mind about dating me? Seriously? After everything that happened in the woods you are going to abandon me like this? How could you even consider breaking up? I can’t believe this. You know what if you really don’t want me anymore I’ll just leave.” This is the point where Fadel gets up to leave. He is still not angry, just very upset and sulky (and maybe a little sad).

Style’s instinctive reaction to Fadel getting up to leave is to grab his arm and stop him from leaving. Style stops Fadel because Style doesn’t want Fadel to leave, because Style wants to be with Fadel despite being scared of him (although the fear is already fading by this time). This is not Style trying to maintain his relationship with Fadel because of Kant. No, this is Style trying to hold on to Fadel because he actually likes Fadel. This is Style subconsciously feeling that if Fadel leaves now without resolving anything between them he might never come back. This is Style not wanting to lose Fadel despite all the reservations he has about him. If Style had stopped Fadel because of Kant, it would be a deliberate and calculated action on Style’s part. But here Style was clearly lost in thought weighing the pros and cons of dating Fadel and contemplating if he should just take this chance to break up with him. But alas, Style’s heart has betrayed him long before Style could even begin to betray Fadel. Style can’t let Fadel go. He means too much to him already, and at this point Style hasn’t even fully realized it yet. The panic on Style’s face as he looks up at Fadel says it all. And maybe it’s this panic that gives some form of reassurance to Fadel that Style really does want him, and that is why he decides to sit down again and continue the conversation with Style.

(Random intervention to gush about how pretty JoongDunk look here. I mean they are always good looking but they look especially pretty here. Or maybe it's just me finally noticing the true level of their beauty because I've been staring at their faces for so long. It could also be my increasing love for FadelStyle making me feel that they look prettier. Anyway they pretttyyyyy.)

There is a sense of relief in Fadel's face as he sits back down and asks Style if he is sure about this. The relief coming from Style wanting him enough to not let him leave. Then he proceeds to get to the core of the issue as he asks Style if he is scared of him. Fadel looks worried about the prospect of Style being afraid of him, because as I said before he really doesn't want to break up with Style. And he knows if Style is genuinely afraid of him, their relationship will not work out. Style, in response to Fadel, again spits out half-truths while hiding the real reason he is acting weird. Style claims he is not scared of Fadel (he kinda is, but that fear is disappearing very quickly) and that he is just surprised his persistence actually worked on Fadel (this is true, he really couldn't believe it when Fadel agreed to be his boyfriend, and he hasn't really processed the whole thing yet with the new information about Fadel being a hitman hitting him like a truck). The way Style answers makes me feel that while Style is unable to tell Fadel the truth right now, he also doesn't want to outright lie to his face. So he is saying things that are actually true while hiding the real issue.

Also the way Style says it is as if he is trying to reconnect with Fadel by falling into their usual banter, not challenging him exactly, but definitely inviting Fadel to engage with him (I am sorry I can't think of a better way to explain it). And Fadel picks up on that invitation and happily engages with Style. There is this playfulness to Fadel when he says that Style's persistence didn't work actually (it totally did Fadel is a liar) and that they were on trial (this is what Fadel is telling himself and Style to maybe prevent this relationship from getting too serious but both are in too deep at this point so it's actually useless). Fadel somewhat means what he says here, he wants to let Style know that they are not in a serious relationship yet and there is still room to back off for both of them, but it is also very much a challenge thrown at Style intentionally in response to his previous invitation to engage.

(There is so much non-verbal communication going on in this entire scene I want to cry because there is no way I could put all of that into words. The change in tones, the eyebrows, the direction of eye movements, every action in fact is contributing to convey what the characters are really feeling vs what they are actually saying.)

You can see Style's switch flipping as he completely forgets everything about Fadel being a killer. Style raising his eyebrow as if to say "Oh really? So you're saying my charm didn't work on you?" and Fadel looking away from Style to the front as if to say "Yep that is exactly what I am saying. What will you do about it?" (Seriously I cry with how much they are saying without uttering a single word) Again, Fadel very intentionally throws a challenge at Style, and Style happily responds to that challenge by squeezing his shoulder, running his hands along his chest and flicking his nipple. Fadel is very much enjoying having Style's hands on his body, and Style is very much enjoying watching Fadel react to his touch. But I don't think Fadel had any intention to actually have sex in the sauna when he challenged Style (and it's not at all because the sauna is a public space, FadelStyle are that couple who are willing to get in on literally anywhere). It was more like Fadel was trying to see how much Style is into him, to make sure that Style does, in fact, still want him. He is so happy and relieved when Style flicks his nipple. And Style, my guy, is so invested in Fadel and his reactions that his hesitations about Fadel being a killer totally flew out the window. Just look at how happy Style is. And also how turned on he is by looking at Fadel being turned on.

Now that Fadel has confirmed that Style is very much into him, he tries to deepen the bond between them by entering Style's world for the first time. That is why he wants to go to the garage. As he says, the restaurant is Fadel's turf and the garage is Style's. What better way to connect to your partner than entering his world and trying to understand it? I don't think Fadel has any ulterior motives here. He genuinely wants to deepen his connection with Style. Style, on the other hand, is jolted out of his carefree state at the mention of the garage. The garage is his home, his world, his safe space. Of course he would hesitate to bring a killer to his world. He doesn't have just himself to worry about, he has his dad and the garage employees to worry about too. He doesn't want to put them in danger. That is why he panics and refuses to go to his garage. Fadel insists, because he genuinely wants to get to know Style and understand him better. And that sincerity reaches Style, which is why he gives in so easily. That last look Style throws at Fadel is so full of hesitation, so full of uncertainty, but also has a hint of hope in it, as if he is silently asking both Fadel and himself "Can I really trust this guy? Can I let him in my world without getting hurt? Can I actually be with him for real?" Meanwhile Fadel is so content sitting next to him because Style agreed to bring him to his world so easily.

(This was FadelStyle's first scene together this episode and Style is already done being scared and they are already falling in love with each other I cry)

At the racing track

Fadel and Style are having so much fun racing against each other. Style, again, seemingly completely forgets all his reservations about Fadel. He is so relaxed and happy, being his competitive obnoxious self. And Fadel is already so used to Style's flamboyant personality, and he plays along with him so well too. Fadel genuinely wants to learn more about Style, he is so focused listening to Style talk about himself. When we as an audience know that Fadel probably did a thorough background check on Style and already knows a lot of what Style is saying. But it's so lovely that Fadel wants to learn more about Style from Style himself. And of course, Style being Style, just has to brag about winning a competition. Actually Style bragging like this to Fadel shows how much he cares about him. The only people Style has bragged like this to are his dad and Kant, that is, the two people closest to him. (My liddol baby Style loves getting praise and validation from the people he loves) And Fadel is so endeared by him.

Fadel revealing that he knew about Style winning the competition was not intentional. To Fadel, there is nothing to worry about revealing this because it was on the internet and it is perfectly normal to look up your partner on the internet. Style, however, is again suddenly reminded of who Fadel is an what he does. That hesitation returns. But interestingly, there is little to no fear. Spending some quality time with Fadel is all it took to diminish his fear of him. Style is truly a brave (and whipped and absolutely crazy) soul. The conversation that follows with Fadel asking Style why he liked him in the first place and Style answering him is so lighthearted, and yet so honest.

Style could have spouted out a bunch of pretty lies in this moment, much like Kant has been doing with Bison all this time. Style could have said that he fell in love at first sight, just like he said in the locker room in episode 2. But he didn't. He told Fadel the truth, even if it's not romantic at all. It can come off as pretty offensive actually. That someone pursued you not because of who you are but because they liked the adrenaline rush they got out of chasing you. But the thing is, Fadel appreciates this honesty from Style so much. His little smiles as he hears Style talking about getting a high out of chasing him is so cute. Fadel can recognize the genuine interest and curiosity Style had about him from his simple explanation. Also, he doesn't mind that Style was not emotionally invested from the start. Because this makes sense. This is what he probably picked up from Style's actions as well. And as someone who has been trying his best to be as honest as he can allow himself to be ever since they started dating, evident in the way he started showing his desire for Style actively, Fadel really appreciates the fact that instead of making grand declarations of love Style chose to speak the crude truth.

Then Style proceeds to say that apart from getting a high out of chasing him, Style also likes Fadel's looks and that Fadel is so different from him. The things he said, again, are not romantic at all. In fact, it is pretty superficial. Not once has Style mentioned liking Fadel in his entire speech, even though Fadel's questions were the perfect opportunity for Style to make a confession of some sort. But he didn't. Style chose to continue being honest, to continue saying things he means, instead of saying something that he thinks Fadel might want to hear. And Fadel loves it. He loves that Style is not trying to cater to him, he loves that Style is being so blunt and honest, he loves that Style is unashamedly being himself. Just look at how content he is with Style's answer. His smiles that keep slipping out despite himself tell it all. Fadel is already letting his guard down. And he is doing so purposefully. Fadel wants to have fun with Style and he wants Style to have fun with him. Fadel wants to connect with Style and he wants Style to connect with him. Fadel wants to understand Style and he wants Style to understand him. Fadel wants to love Style and he wants Style to love him, even though he might not be ready to acknowledge this one yet. And Style, my guy, is down so bad for Fadel. The way his eyes follow Fadel and he drives away, my guy wants him so so much. And this is the moment he realizes the depth of his own feelings for the first time. Again, Style says so much at the end of this scene without uttering a single word. The mental journey he goes through as evident by his expressions goes something along the lines of "Oh shit. I'm in so much trouble. I really like him now. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to betray him but like he's a killer. And I can't let Kant be in danger either. How can I even begin to fix this mess? You know what, there is no use thinking about all this now. It is what it is. If I like him then I like him. Let's just get done with this date first. I'll deal with the rest later." And then he drives off after Fadel.

At the garage

(This is my second favorite scene in this episode by the way.)

We see Fadel and Style enter the garage. And immediately I need everyone to look at Style. My man is so chill. He is so relaxed and at ease. Where is the hesitation and fear of having Fadel in his private space that was so pressing at the sauna? Thrown out the window to a faraway blackhole, never to be seen again. I need you to understand what happened here. Style learned that Fadel was a hitman a few days ago and he was scared of him just earlier the same day. Then he had a fun little racing date, had some lighthearted but honest conversations and spent some quality time with his hitman boyfriend. The date made him realize just how much he liked Fadel even though he is so dangerous and does morally questionable things. And so Style promptly decided to just embrace his feelings and roll with it. Style, my precious child, went from being scared of his boyfriend to realizing he likes his boyfriend a lot regardless to completely accepting his feelings for his boyfriend to the point of having none of his previous negative emotions left in the span of less than a day. Style truly is a fearless and decisive soul.

There is something so domestic about the way Style casually does his own thing while Fadel looks around the garage. The conversation flows so naturally between them too. You can tell that both of them are so relaxed and open and at ease with each other here. It's beautiful. I absolutely adore the way Style smiles as he talks about his dad, and the way Fadel is so locked in on everything Style says. I especially love the way Fadel's eyes follow Style as he walks back and forth while saying that he would obviously choose his own man. You can see the gears turning in Fadel's head as he thinks about what Style said and his thoughts eventually landing on "Does this mean he chose me?" The way Fadel grabs Style's waist and falls on his back, resting his chin on his shoulder is so intimate and sweet and full of desire. Style was not expecting a clingy Fadel, but this came as a pleasant surprise to him. Style was smiling before Fadel even said anything. And Fadel saying "And you chose me?" is so so so cute. Style thinks so too as evident by his soft smile during this entire interaction. Fadel is so soft and cute and intimate and clingy and so clearly falling in love as he learns more about Style and starts to understand him better. And Style is so endeared by this version of Fadel that he has never seen before nor expected to see.

Of course Style can clearly see Fadel's desire for him because Fadel is not hiding it anymore. And Style is thriving in this unfiltered and unrestrained attention he is getting from Fadel. Style loves bragging to people he is close to because he loves being the center of attention for people he cares about. So Fadel wrapping himself around Style as he clearly expresses his desire for him is the kind of thing that really gets to Style. And of course Style is down to have sex in the garage. With Fadel, he was ready to have sex in the sauna, in the storage room of a random building, in an abandoned factory/warehouse in the middle of the woods, even in the racing track they were in before coming to the garage. So obviously he has no issues with having sex in his own garage. My point is that Style is not giving in to Fadel in any way. Rather he is enjoying himself way too much. Maybe it's because it's only now that Style realizes that Fadel has really opened a door in his heart for Style. Before this, he was too busy worrying about Fadel's hitman business to properly notice how much Fadel has let down his guard around him. Now that Style is done worrying about that, he finally gets to enjoy Fadel being a cute clingy boyfriend. In the gym scene in episode 4, Fadel was acting in a similar manner but Style was not in the head space to appreciate it. In the sauna earlier this episode, Fadel was trying to be the same but got sidetracked by Style's evasiveness. Now that Style is finally at peace with being with Fadel and actively engaging with him again, you can see how happy he is to see Fadel clinging to him.

Style answering Fadel's "And you chose me?" with "You wanna do it here?" is so wild but also so on brand for them. There should be no doubt in anyone's mind that Fadel is, in fact, proposing sex to Style with his actions and Style is totally into it. Also it's so in character for Style to prompt Fadel to express his desire more clearly. This is what Style wanted from Fadel for so long but Fadel refused to give him. So Fadel being so open is a such a huge leap in their relationship, and Style, being the cheeky little shit that he is, wants more. Lucky for him, Fadel is into Style's cheekiness too. Both Style and Fadel need and want to see the other's desire for themselves. That is one of the reasons that make them so compatible as partners. Also notice how Style is the one who has the upper hand in this situation because Fadel has so willingly and unreservedly handed over the power to him. (Kant honey please take notes, you can satisfy Bison's desire for control like this too; even though Bison prefers ropes, maybe he could feel a similar high Style is feeling.) And Style really is thriving here.

Coming back to the dialogue between the two. Fadel responds to Style's "You wanna do it here?" with a short huff as if to say "Of course I wanna do it here" and then proceeds to say "Don't tell me you've never fantasized about garage sex." To which Style responds with "That's straight out of porn". But Style is not mocking or refuting Fadel. No, he is very much into it actually. Just look at how he never moves his face back even as Fadel leans into him more and more. And that smile on his face. Also the way Fadel closes his eyes and laughs at Style's porn comment is so sweet. It's a helpless "I can't believe I'm actually so attracted to this idiot and all of his nonsense" laugh. But Fadel already knew that, and has somewhat accepted it too. So it doesn't take long for Fadel to say "Well, wanna give it a shot?"

This entire exchange is made entirely of crude dialogue. Literally every single sentence uttered after Fadel leans into Style is referencing sex. And yet, this whole thing is so sweet and intimate and cute. Both Fadel and Style are speaking so softly to each other, their tones low and intimate. Fadel is hugging Style from behind the entire time with his chin resting on Style's shoulder. Style is looking back at Fadel the entire time. Their faces are so close the entire time, and they maintain eye contact throughout the entire exchange. Both of them have such soft and sweet smiles on their faces. Both are so very comfortable being in such close proximity to each other. Their words are crude, yes, but they are both being playful with each other, and both of them are equally in on the joke. And both of them are so very attracted to each other. I find this whole exchange strangely romantic, and it has nothing to do with what they say but everything to do with how they say it. In this moment, they are so in tune with each other. And that is what makes this whole interaction so sweet and lovely.

The following part feels so much like something right out of Style's fantasy, but Fadel is the one taking the initiative. And again, I find the whole thing strangely romantic? Maybe because it shows how much Fadel knows about what Style wants already, and they haven't even known each other that long. The way Fadel turns Style around and leans into him and kisses him is so gentle and full of care. Unlike the previous hook ups, this time is not rushed or urgent at all. Fadel is being so purposeful and tender with Style. And Style is relishing in all the affection he is being showered with. He doesn't even kiss back immediately. He lets Fadel kiss him a few times before responding. He lets Fadel show him how much he wants him, needs him. And the best part is that despite everything that is happening, both of them remain so unhurried and tender. Even when Fadel takes off Style's shirt and throws it away, it is nowhere near as aggressive as the previous times. Both of them are so into each other, so lost in each other, it's so beautiful.

Fadel initiates the roleplay. The dialogue in this part is so cheesy and corny (and straight out of a bad porn apparently, but I wouldn't know that because I have never watched porn, good or bad, so yeah make your own judgement on that). And again, the moment is so sweet and intimate and romantic despite what they are saying, because of how they are saying it. They are almost whispering to each other, their speech so soft and slow. They are looking directly into each other's eyes. Fadel looks so desperate for Style, and Style loves it so much that he can't help but smile. As I said before, the entire time Fadel is the one taking the initiative. But Style is the one in control. To me, it feels like Fadel is somewhat submitting to Style, and that too willingly, and that is why Style is so overjoyed.

(It took me such a long time to write this part because I just can't get over how sweet and romantic this feels to me. Which again makes me feel strange because I don't know if it's meant to feel sweet and romantic. I couldn't stop watching the scene over and over and every time it just felt more and more romantic to me. Which in turn made me emotional and delayed my writing even more.)

Continuing in the garage

We see post coital FadelStyle casually sitting on the floor of the garage, with their shirts half open and their arms touching/almost touching. They look so serene and peaceful. Especially Fadel with his head leaned back and his eyes closed. Since episode 1 we have been going on and on about Fadel needing a break. Finally, in episode 5, we get to see Fadel finally taking a break. And it's so satisfying to see Style silently sitting by him, letting him have a moment to relax. It's so interesting to see how much Style has toned himself down around Fadel, especially when they are alone. Which makes me believe that Style is not as loud and obnoxious and eccentric as he presents himself to be. Maybe exaggerating his natural tendencies is his way of protecting himself and guarding against others. But with Fadel, he doesn't have to do that. He is still a playful, mischeivous, annoying and horny idiot with Fadel. But he is also calm and serious and soft. Style shows Fadel a side of him that he doesn't show anyone else. Fadel is so very special to Style, just like Style is special to Fadel. Because with Style, Fadel can let go and just be. This moment before Style starts speaking is so special to me. It's moments like these that show me how deeply they care about each other, how much they mean to each other already. They are, undoubtedly, falling in love.

The following conversation is so honest (except Fadel pretending that his burger business is an ultra high risk investment). Style notices Fadel's scar and asks about it. And Fadel chooses to reply that it's an occupational hazard. He could have said anything, but chose to tell the truth. As far as Fadel knows, Style thinks he is a business owner and chef. "How does a chef get a scar on his chest from his work in the kitchen?" That would be the most logical next question. How did he plan to explain that? Did he even think about it? I don't think Fadel thought much about what he was saying. Style asked him a question, so he answered it honestly. He didn't bother to think about what Style's response to that answer will be. And that is so out of character for sensible, calculated, always thinking 5 steps ahead Fadel. Now he feels so at ease with Style, he doesn't even bother to try to guard against him.

With Style, Fadel has never hidden how dangerous he is, and he isn't planning on starting now that they have deepened their relationship. Fadel is being very obvious that he is hiding a secret. Little does Fadel know that Style already knows his secret. Style understands what job made Fadel get that scar, and he understands how dangerous that job is. And yet, here Style is, so enamored by Fadel anyway. Style wants to share everything about himself with Fadel, and he also wants to know everything about Fadel. That is why Style pushes Fadel to open up a little more, to share a little more. Fadel recognizes Style's sincerity and honesty. He knows how significant it is for Style to share not just his safe space but also a piece of himself with Fadel. Ever since they entered the garage, Style hasn't hesitated to talk about the most important people in his life-his parents. So Fadel reciprocates by sharing a piece of himself too. He tells Style about his own parents' death. But he is not ready to share any more than that at this moment. And Style can feel that. Subconsciously, he is so in tune with Fadel that he can understand how far to push, and when to back off. The pure sincerity radiating off of both Fadel and Style is so beautiful to watch.

Style changes the subject to ask if Fadel had a boyfriend/girlfriend before, and Fadel said no. I believe Fadel is telling the truth here. Whoever it was that was dancing with him in the flashback, was not a boyfriend. (My guess is that the dude left before they could become anything serious. I also don't think he is dead, or if he is, Fadel doesn't know that. Fadel thinks he disappeared.) Fadel continues to say he doesn't want to drag anyone down with him. Again, he is being painfully honest about how dangerous his life is. Style again pushes him by asking if being a burger shop owner is really that dangerous. And Fadel replies that he thinks nobody will be willing to risk their life with him. And the way my heart broke in this moment. Because finally, Fadel explicitly stated what I, and Style too probably, already understood in the middle of the woods. Fadel thinks that nobody will love him. Will, not can. Fadel thinks nobody will choose to be with someone like him, that nobody can truly accept him for who he is, all his flaws and darkness included. Fadel doesn't think he can truly show anyone all that he is, because he thinks he will scare them away. Fadel doesn't trust, because he doesn't think there is anyone capable of keeping that trust, because inevitably they will leave him when they see who he truly is.

When Style pushes Fadel even more, asking him what is this risk he is talking about, Fadel finally remembers he has a secret to hide, so he lies. This is the only lie in this entire conversation. Which, again, is crazy considering the magnitude of the secrets the both of them are hiding. Style, however, knows that he is lying. He also understands very well why he has to lie. And Style can't exactly reveal his own secret to Fadel either. So he does the next best thing he can think of. He provides Fadel a safe space in himself, and pushes him to find a way out of his dangerous life, so that he doesn't have to worry about putting the people he loves at risk. And he actually manages to get through to Fadel. You can see Fadel considering the possibility of actually leaving his assassin life behind and starting a new ordinary life, one where he doesn't have to hesitate so much to fall in love.

And then, in comes Kant, ruining the moment, giving Style a scare and pissing off Fadel. The way Fadel takes his time slowly buttoning up his shirt is so funny. Fadel's side eye to Kant when he asks to speak to Style separately is also hilarious. Also it's interesting that Style's first instinct after Kant asks to talk to him is to look at Fadel to see if he minds, just to find Fadel already looking at him. Fadel is not happy about Kant interrupting his alone time with Style.

Style will forever be iconic. Here is Kant, telling him how Bison might be out there murdering his ex. And here is Style, ignoring all that nonsense to focus on the important thing-how much Style likes Fadel despite being scared of him. Please, Style's expression when he tells Kant that he likes Fadel's "rough romantic side" makes me feel like he is fantasizing about Fadel in his head right there with Kant in front of him.

Fadel gives in so fast when Style pulls out the boyfriend card. I can't decide who is more whipped between these two.

Style really is the perfect match for Fadel. He says he hopes Fadel isn't the jealous type, but his body language and expressions scream that he would be absolutely delighted if Fadel is in fact the jealous type. He is so attracted to Fadel when he shows glimpses of his dangerous side. He is so obviously turned on by Fadel threatening and manhandling him that Fadel can't even keep a straight face and ends up showing his amusement. To be able to be attracted to a hitman when he threatens you, knowing well that he is fully capable of following through with all of his very dangerous threats, Style really is something else.

The double date

FadelStyle are that shameless couple who don't care about the time, place or people when flirting with each other. The comment about sizes at the table, the dancing together on the bowling alley, the butt grabs in public-I truly feel sorry for the random strangers who just wanted to go bowl and had to witness all this shameless flirting.

In the double date, it is pretty noticeable how Style amps up his personality in front KantBison, but when he is alone with Fadel again, knowing that KantBison are too busy singing together to pay attention to him, Style tones himself down again. (Food for thought for later.)

Fadel and Style have yet another painfully honest conversation about how Fadel cannot trust anyone to the fullest. When Style asks what he has to do to gain Fadel's full trust, he is actually being sincere and earnest. Because Style really wants to be Fadel's safe space, the one Fadel can trust completely, the one Fadel can allow himself to love. Fadel, however, has his doubts about Style, because let's be real, Style has not really tried to hide the fact that he too is keeping secrets. But also Fadel's life so far has proven to him that there is nobody out there who will love him for who he is. He doesn't believe Style will be able to accept him, so he doesn't dare to bare himself fully in front of Style, therefore, he cannot trust Style completely just yet. And Style doesn't try to claim that he is deserving of Fadel's trust, because at the moment, he does not deserve Fadel's complete trust and he knows that. As long as both of them are hiding their secrets from each other, they cannot be in love fully. But both of them are halfway there, and both are very aware of it, and both are so desperately trying to be honest with each other as much as possible. It's heartbreakingly beautiful. All Style can do right now is offer Fadel his sincerity and honesty as much as he can, and be the light in Fadel's life that brings some brightness in Fadel's dark and gloomy world.

In Style's bedroom

(This is definitely my favorite scene in the entire series so far.)

The scene opens with Fadel resting on Style's bed. He has been drinking nonstop the entire night, maybe in hopes of lowering his guards a little more. He is just waiting there, waiting to accept whatever Style is willing to give him. This time Style is the one in charge, Style is the one taking the initiative, Style is the one deciding where and how this will go. And Style is more than ready to shower Fadel with every bit of affection he has for him. Fadel makes himself so vulnerable for Style, and Style makes himself equally vulnerable for Fadel. Style unhurriedly takes off his top, and even more unhurriedly climbs on top of Fadel. And then with so much love and care and sincerity and intimacy in his voice, admits for the first time that Fadel does scare him sometimes, but he also makes him so safe at other times. But the the thing is, by this point, any fear Style had for Fadel is all but gone. Maybe there is a hint of fear somewhere within, but it's so negligible. Style may not fully realize it himself, but he is not afraid of Fadel anymore. Style has seen a shadow of the real Fadel, the one Fadel is trying so desperately to show Style, to make Style realize how scary he really is. But Fadel doesn't know that when Style says he will like Fadel no matter who he is, he really means it. Because Style already knows. The part that Fadel thinks will scare Style away, Style already knows, and he is still here, perched on top of him, uttering reassuring words to make Fadel believe just how much he likes him. Because Fadel doesn't know that Style knows, he leaves a path open for Style. He gives him the choice to leave him if he can't accept who Fadel is. Because Fadel likes Style so much, he can't bear to let him go, but he also can't bear to drag Style into his dangerous world.

The issue between FadelStyle has always been not being able to be completely honest with each other despite wanting to oh so desperately. And as a result not being able to build complete trust with each other. For two people who want to be as sincere to each other as possible, hiding these secrets has been very difficult, and thus become the main obstacle in their relationship. And as two people who really value honesty, the guilt from hiding these secrets from the other makes them feel like they are not deserving of the other's trust. So when Style promises to one day become deserving of Fadel's complete trust, it is so much more significant than a promise of love could ever be. For them, the love is already there, waiting to bloom. It's just waiting for the trust to come nourish it. Style kissing Fadel's scar and saying he hopes Fadel doesn't get a new scar broke my heart because Style is the only one capable of giving Fadel a scar so much more deep and painful than the one on his chest. And Style knows that. He knows the power he holds over Fadel. That is why he tries his best to show Fadel just how much he adores him and tries to reassure him that no matter what happens, Style will be there for him. Receiving such love and tenderness and passion from Style, how can Fadel not be overwhelmed?

(When Style looked up at Fadel to see his reaction after kissing his tattoo, I died.)

#thk #fadelstyle meta #my dear people i bring to you this behemoth that definitely would've been longer had i not rushed to finish this today #but i just had to get this out before i watch ep 6 #so there is no conclusion and i'm not sure if it makes sense because i couldn't be patient enough to check #but it's done and it's out so i'll go watch ep 6 now byeeeeeeee #there will definitely be follow up for this because there is so much i skipped

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