#not really its just one sentence .
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once you hit adulthood a day will come when you’re suddenly like VEGETABLES 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 and it never goes away
#talks#its not about previously disliking vegetables.#I specified adult just because of the way my body started decomposing and rotting once i went meals without.#also i was just making a joke abt myself getting randomly more into vegetables one day. its really not the kind of one sentence post#that should justify weirdly accusatory assumptions
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I'm curious, how would your Suns design look during more serious situations, such as one of the Spearmaster broadcasts?
something like this
and now for a (slightly long) addendum: i know i depict SRS as jokey and kooky, but when it comes to not shitposting and actual characterization, i have Thoughts and Feelings about them. the entire story, they just want to do what they hope will help the people around them, even though it all ends up horribly, HORRIBLY wrong. that's tragic, and it has my interest. considering the heaviness (and intrigue) of SRS’s storyline, for me to only ever depict them as a goofball be way too shallow of me, and unfaithful to their canon characterization.
so to answer your question: they hold themselves together, of course, but the shame, regret, and embarrassment is still evident.
#i dont wanna get my characterization of srs from other peoples headcanons#but im admittedly a little too preoccupied to sit down and meticulously comb through their dialogue to see what each sentence reveals#my srs personality is usable but its not as detailed and tailored as id like it to be yknow#cause. just. MAN i really need to sit down and obsessively pore over those broadcasts and pearls sometime okay#also not saying that looking at other headcanons is bad. it set me straight way back when on a couple of my own minorly dogshit ones i had-#-when i didnt have a full grasp of the story#but i also just want to come to my own conclusions on srs#UGH. rain world is so good. the horrible events that happen dont happen because of some big bad shallow villain#but just people making bad decisions sometimes. because of concern. because of desperation. because of love. which happens with people.#auuuugh#my art#ask#rainworld#wait why has this been sitting in my drafts for over a week? be free my child. ill schedule this to post in an hour or something
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anyway Dr. WD Gaster being a soft and kind soul makes his character infinitely more interesting to me than him being evil or even just kinda mean. like his passion for his craft lies not in fucked up experiments, but in a genuine love for learning and the opportunity to teach others and do good by his people. he's definitely strange (all scientists are) and kinda intimidating but he's literally the most thoughtful and considerate person ever it's just a little bit hard to tell because of the way he speaks does anyone HEAR me. he's one of the few characters that WOULDN'T benefit from the mad scientist trope.
#hes just a nice old man to me. he LOVES his job and his friends and his people so so so much#and loving the world around you so much that you want to know everything about it is all science is really#he just speaks so matter-of-factly that its hard to find all of that emotion in his words#but the emotion isnt IN his words. its in the pauses in-between#its in the beat of quiet in the middle of his sentences; where he searches for the exact words to describe what hes thinking or feeling#because every experience is worth that much effort. no single thing is insignificant enough to be mindlessly approximated and forgotten.#its in the moment of silence after the player gives up. accepting your choice as it is --#-- but holding you on a dark screen just a moment longer to mourn a world lost to darkness#we always talk about “very very interesting” being one of his calling cards. but “wonderful” is one of his favorites as well.#undertale#deltarune#utdr#wd gaster#dr gaster#gaster#gaster undertale#gaster deltarune#wingdings gaster
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My School President low-key has some of the best color-grading, lighting, and costuming of any GMMTV production. It's not showy, not composed like a painting. It's casual, vibrant, crisp, and character-driven.
Queer, too, but prosaically. Whereas Bad Buddy asserts its queerness by subverting BL tropes, MSP synthesizes queer techniques with those of BL, which shows up in the production. We get queer-associated neons (think the ITSAY series or cinematographer Rath) in one scene and, in the next, sun and candy-coated color as chaste as Cooking Crush. Gay little cardigans over Thai BL staple school uniforms and shorteralls for the beach. The fantasy of gayness and the familiarity of living out actual gay experiences merge, so there's little of the nostalgic vaseline filter on the lens. And there's depth to the blacks and shadows that make the colors stand out more, currents of deeper emotions in a comedic world. The contrast is not gritty. Rather, its clarifying. We get to be close and intimate with these characters, their fears and burgeoning feelings.
The production isn't there to tell the story itself, but to invite us up close to the conversations, faces, and silly dances without getting in the way of the laughs or the love. Clear eyes, full hearts, and such. A high-school comedy-musical with a production that sports its stumbling desire for a rainbow sincerely and unashamed, like the gay theater-kid energy its celebrating.
#They’re not showy like a period piece or anything#Exactly what a high-school musical-comedy should be#There are a lot of great aspects of msp that elevate it beyond its premise and peers#But its production elements don’t get celebrated enough cuz they’re just so casual#msp#my school president#tinngun#and it’s wild that mlmu has the exact same team and absolutely mangled so much lol#thai bl#gmmtv#gemfot#Guntinn#started out as a one sentence post and then edited to be a full meta cuz i really love it that much#gemfourth
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Kudo is actually such a kind, soft-hearted guy that had to toughen up because he cared too much
He looked at AFO's rule, and even though he was weak, he had that glint in his eye that has been referred to as the "will of a hero" to oppose him. A hopeful glint shared with Midoriya, Bakugo, and Hawks
He even parallels Hawks when they talk about that particular look in their eye
From a glimmer in the eye, to which eye is shown, how much of the face, a similar angle of the face, and placement of text questioning the existence of that light,
He stormed to kill Yoichi with Bruce, but couldn't, once he saw the state Yoichi was in. Even knowing he was the enemy, he still reached out his hand and never let go, even when they were running
When Yoichi died, even though they'd only been together for two months, Kudo still cried and froze up.
This is a reaction from a man who repeatedly used lives as a stepping stone for his own goal.
Kudo said himself, that victory was life, and defeat was death. He had killed and seen his friends killed over and over, but still cries when it happens again. And to someone he only knew for two months, at that.
Kudo gathered allies under his cause, and they were loyal enough to die for him. Bruce cries (still smiling tho) facing AFO, tried protecting Kudo when he froze up at Yoichi's death, and we see all Kudo's comrades dead in the end. Maybe Bruce was suicidal when he went to face AFO, knowing he'd die, but most of his comrades (and Kudo) were already gone. Their cause was snuffed out, but the will persisted.
Kudo is a bit like Aizawa.
A bit crass and blunt, doesn't like beating around the bush, but he can clearly see what kind of person you are. He's not openly kind, but you know he cares so much, but has also lost too much once. He's seen his friend(s) die, and shouldn't it have been him in that spot? Shouldn't he have died instead, but was forced to continue living for that dead person's sake?
His speech about why we call Abilities "Quirks", recognizing people's intent over raw power is the real power. (Ch 369)
He's blunt and goes straight to the results rather than beat around the bush, but it doesn't mean his heart is frozen and he doesn't care about you. (Ch 408)
He cares so much, and that's why he has to do so much. (His whole Resistance thing, figuring out how Yoichi's Factor works to make sure Yoichi and his will can live on in some way)
He recognizes that Midoriya isn't driven by duty, but that he genuinely adores Quirks too much. (Ch 414) He could look at Midoriya, read that immediately, and even though he looked through his memories, Midoriya's character was his takeaway. Not that Midoriya is an idiot for letting himself be stepped on, or that this kid was bullied, but that Midoriya could see the goodness in others.
Like how Aizawa saw that Midoriya was relying on the reason [It can't be helped] whenever OFA broke his bones and told him he can't always break himself just because he could be fixed (Midoriya's recklessness that showed itself on the first day of school). He called out something that was an underlying, innate belief to Midoriya, that was so normal to the teen, and no one else had brought up as wrong to him.
The first thing they perceive is a person's character.
When Aizawa tied up Midoriya on the first day of school, he wasn't telling him off over his Quirk destroying him being a PR thing or too gruesome for the public. It was out of the fact that his Quirk shouldn't destroy him, because it's dangerous for Midoriya.
Aizawa came off antagonistic, but he was looking out for Midoriya. He didn't want him to keep breaking his whole arm, he didn't want him to get stuck in the mindset that he had to get hurt to use his Quirk, he was looking out for his wellbeing from the start. A kid he didn't know personally until that day.
Kudo did a similar thing. He turned his back, and refused to help, because they were putting their hopes in a delusional boy who would go too far. When the vestiges realized their gathered Abilities and Quirks were letting Midoriya have the freedom to do as he wished, Kudo already knew, only saying "His path is the right one". He could relate to having to run full-sprint to see your goal realized, even if everything opposed him, but didn't want Midoriya to go through that same path alone.
If he were alone, he'd be like Nagant. He had to have comrades to be like Kudo, able to continue and stand for their beliefs, but having comrades to fall back on, or pull him back when it's too much. That's why he follows up in that moment with, "But, if there's something Midoriya does need..."
Kudo and Aizawa could see themselves or their comrades in others, and knew how to approach those character flaws that were normalized to others and said person.
Kudo could see others for who they were, and I think it's this, and his caring nature, that he gathered so many allies with him. He knew when to be blunt, when to show kindness, that the truth hurts but needs to be seen, was actually very logical and witty, and when to step aside and let people do their thing, even if it wasn't the best move (like saving All Might). Because that was what was best for that person.
It's not like people would join someone so wholeheartedly without conviction and being left unseen by that person. So many people were willing to die with and for Kudo, and Bruce believes in him so much.
When All Might's vestige was fading and becoming more solid, Kudo had to look away. They knew it meant All Might was dying in the real world.
Kudo was telling Midoriya not to intervene with Gearshift there. But once he saw All Might genuinely dying out, he couldn't look at him, and kept quiet. He stopped hanging onto battlefield logic of necessity, shut up, let Midoriya do his thing, and it saved All Might. It saved Midoriya from seeing his idol die in front of him, and Kudo didn't have to see another ally die beside him.
The chapter is literally called [We Love You All Might!!]. Even if it's just meant to focus in Bakugo and Midoriya, and only has 2 exclamation marks, it can't discount the world is watching. The vestiges care about All Might too.
When the vestiges come up with the plan to forcibly transfer themselves to deal damage, Kudo volunteers himself as the test dummy. Sure, he backs it with a lot of reason too, but he didn't want anyone else to go first as a test drive
He, with a Gearshift Ability that resembled a manual car, was the test drive. Ha ha pun- *gets shot*
En tried going first. Kudo rejected him, saying he would go first.
"Part ways with Gearshift [me], and you'll be free of the crippling recoil too."
Too. TOO.
KUDO JUST WANTED TO GO AND BE DESTROYED FIRST. HE PUT THE FREEDOM OF RECOIL DOWN AS AN EXTRA BONUS SO THEY'D AGREE WITH HIS CHOICE.
I'd cut the image so it looks better, and I can use Bruce's words elsewhere, but this is an image limit, so,
- Kudo refused to let anyone else go first. This was before giving reasons to convince them he should leave first
- En gives reason to why it can't be Kudo. Kudo just says, "Listen." and reminds them of now.
- Look at Kudo's face when he says that. The guy knows what he's doing when he cuts off En, and would probably be a horrible liar. He might as well be pulling this out of his ass.
He's said "The world will end" "You have to or else" "Five minutes" "You're going to die" a few times in this fight already. DUDE STOPPP
(Terrible liar and a guy who purposely eggs you to torment? What a great friend he would be [yknow, when u make ur friends freak out by being ominous or reminding them of stuff. Like Toast to Lilypichu in a game of Observation Duty])
- "Too."
- Bruce's trust in him, but knowing when to pull Kudo back from going too far
Also, when he's transferred, he smiles to Midoriya. He knows he's about to die again, but the last thing he does for Midoriya is
1) Take away the recoil of his existence as a Factor on the boy
2) Reassure him that it's okay, so it doesn't weigh on his conscience
Even if only in thought, STILL!
KUDO LOOKED SO PROUD OF MIDORIYA!
I bet Kudo is suuuch a sentimental fool
> [Be me and watch your new friend die]
> [I have Yoichi's Factor]
> [It's like I carry his will now]
> [Have a glint of opposition in my eye that drives the Demon Lord and my comrades (Bruce) crazy]
> [Hey Bruce, let's figure out how it transfers]
> [Bruce's common sense VS my rabid ideas]
> [I win]
> [Bruce was unwilling the whole time and still ends up with the Factor]
> [The Factor is named One For All, after something in Yoichi's favorite comic book series]
> [We pass it on to the future to carry forward]
> [Even as everyone else and me dies, I make sure Yoichi and his will are safe from his Demon Lord brother that locked him up]
> [Decades later, my sweet vaulted friend reminds me of when we met]
> [I turn around and give my whole-hearted support to believe in some 15-year old boy because Yoichi believes in him too]
SEN - TIM - ENT - AL!
When Shinomori was stolen by AFO, Shinomori pushed everyone away before they could really notice the invader. Kudo called out for him.
Everyone is in shock, but I don't think it's a mistake that the text bubble calling out for Shinomori is pointing from Kudo.
All For One made it through and is ready to steal them, but the first thing Kudo did was call out for the one at the very front.
[On the post I made that mentions Shinomori pushing everyone away] What if Kudo wasn't pushed away? What if this was him at the front, realizing the danger and turning around, but being unable to do anything for Shinomori when he saw?
Like Bruce, Kudo communicates. He doesn't expect you to just follow or understand him. He actually lays it out and makes sure you keep up.
He explains
- the transfer of vestiges, and why he should go first
- his Quirk
- why Quirks are Quirks
- reports to Midoriya what's happening and what's next
- to Yoichi why they couldn't trust in a delusional boy. In a way that wasn't Bruce's roundabout "we lived in a terrible era and a leader gathered us"
When En panics, he barks at En to keep up. By barking at him, rather than any other way he could've used his tone, it shuts up En in his frantic babbling. Kudo also lets Vestige Might put in his thoughts to understand better, and uses it.
Eye reflection. Kudo can really see people for who they are, and understands others, and himself.
I can't repeat the pics cuz image limit, but look at previous panels here. For example, Kudo saying Yoichi's will lives in him, and when AFO reflected in his eyes
It's something I learned from Re:Zero. When a person in reflected in one's eye, something something that person can see the true core of you, of what you really are underneath everything. The eyes are the window and mirror [glass] of the soul. I finally see the true you.
AFO never reflected anyone.
But Kudo reflected AFO when the man accidentally killed Yoichi. He saw that AFO wasn't seeing anything, so later, Kudo smiled and mocked AFO at his own death.
"Yoichi?"
"He's gone."
"You killed him, Demon Lord."
And AFO hated that reminder.
Kudo was reminding him of what the truth was. Kudo saw it himself, and AFO blocked it out from the get-go. Kudo already knew what AFO was, what he was seeing, what he was doing to himself by blaming Kudo instead of himself.
And then, Kudo's eyes reflected his own hand when he realized Yoichi's Factor was in him.
Kudo clearly saw himself, and in himself, Yoichi. Nothing distorted it. It really was a clear mirror.
He really perceived Yoichi's will was living on, and was right. Otherwise, his eyes wouldn't have shown it.
Kudo was right about AFO. It's even implied back when he and Bruce had their backs turned; Kudo knew what AFO's real goal was. That was back when AFO preached unity and division under him.
Kudo could always see right through AFO. He really understood people from the start. And he never tried making up truths to justify what he was seeing, facing it head-on.
Kudo's lying about the world being black and white.
Kudo and Bruce saw the world as black and white. This was mentioned in the void.
Kudo also says, "Victory meant life. Defeat meant death."
But it's the Resistance. It's when Japan and the world was at their lowest. The world wasn't black and white; there's lots of gray.
Kudo and Bruce would've seen this. Kudo even admits that there's gray, just not directly.
Kudo says Yoichi knows, how he killed and trampled so many lives, to get back at AFO. He knows it wasn't right, or an amazing choice. Later, he says that when your back is against the wall, you have to make callous judgements. These hint at gray moments.
Kudo and Bruce have faced and been in the gray. But it's too hard to make the right choices, and there are times there is no right answer.
Historically, soldiers would convince themselves the enemy were monsters. They wouldn't be able to fight and kill them otherwise. They wouldn't be able to live with themselves without believing in this so badly.
Kudo and Bruce had to have been the same way. They were Meta Humans [Monsters] in a time they were viewed as diseased humans. The monsters were real. And they had a Demon Lord. Kudo and Bruce literally dressed up as soldiers.
Even if they were monsters to society, being Meta, Kudo and Bruce were still human. They knew this. The ones who tried believing in only black and white were inhabitants of the gray itself.
But they have to protect themselves. Kudo is so adamant that the world is only black and white, because he can't stand the gray. What it makes him do, what it means, that he's too weak to do anything.
Yoichi is an example of that gray area. The mortal enemy's younger brother, was actually locked up and sickly. He's just a comic book nerd. And it humanized the other side Kudo opposed so vehemently.
Kudo says victory is life and defeat is death. And Yoichi asked why he reached out to him then. He reminded Kudo of that gray area, and Kudo opened up.
Kudo might avoid the gray area because it's a matter of the heart and a moral dilemma, but it's what makes him human. When there's no right answer in the battlefield, he decides on his feelings instead.
He wishes the world was black and white, because it'd be so easy. But it's not.
Yoichi reminded him of how entering that gray area led to OFA ("when you reached out your hand to me"), and it had been the best choice in the end. The gray area is real, and Kudo's left a bare man with only his emotions when he's there.
Kudo is actually really kind and understanding. He's too soft for his own good. Thanks if you made it this far, I hope it makes sense (tag and image limit)
#KUDO IS UNDERRATED NEEDS MORE CONTENT RECOGNITION HES THE KINDEST WITTLE BOY EVER#my thoughts#i think ppl who write resistance stuff should also consider that not everything was black and white#there will be moral arguments where you cant decide. and the resistance has faced those sorts of things where There Is No Right Answer.#kudo is really kind tho. exactly because he cares so much he does all these things and tries to harden himself#but like exoskeletons work - its only an armor to protect the soft squishy insides and keep them from drying out#i woke up and had to put this stuff down#me: *picks up a sentence note in my fic notes* *puts it down here and elaborates*#the line was in relation to putting down stuff about the vestiges to remember dynamics#[Kudo is the kindest despite appearances]#kudo seems like he would be fiercely protective over ppl he cares about. exactly because hes seen so many of his comrades die over and over#kudo#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#spoilers#ofa#one for all#bruce#bruce is the meme of “*chuckles* I'm in danger” and its just. Kudo w/ his new crazy idea chasing him down with Gearshift and Yoichis Factor#hikage shinomori#en tayutai#yoichi shigaraki#ive been thinking he was kind for a long time but never elaborated why. if u look at his actions words and thoughts it all makes sense#theres underlying kindness in there. he wants to be kind but the world would scorch him if he didnt have a stick up his ass#also adding on to the prev tag of kudo and fiercely protective- because in their times comrades were everything. otherwise you were alone#the world sucks resources are limited and youre a diseased human [Meta]. but you have someone willing to walk with you.#also about the [Kudo is the kindest] note among the vestiges- i dont think any of the other vestiges would do what kudo did#calmly volunteering himself rather than it being in panic. extending a hand and saving what shouldve been his mortal enemy. yknow
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Their kids are so cute omg i'm gonna dir of adorableness
lewis: then die LMFAOO NO BUT FRR THANK UU IM GLAD U THINK SO🥹🥹💖💖💖all the love for them (esp lewis) gave me the idea to draw him deflecting all the attention so ty for giving me the excuse to post it....we luv our aloof distant boi🥰
its funny bc i was JUST talking about this recently, but i dont like pet names at all BAHAH, hence why seb and clora dont call each other anything, not even nicknames.... seb calls her the light/princess/a bird sometimes as playful and teasing jokes, but doesnt actually address her like that. and clora always calls sebastian by his full name as well, bc i was basing her dialogue/my writing off the game dialogue...bc for as close as anne and ominis are to seb, both of THEM call him sebastian in full, so maybe it was a victorian thing that nicknames werent really common? plus clora's so proper that it just feels like its in her personality to always call seb "sebastian"... i feel like if she ever DID call him "seb" he'd do a double take and be like ...HUH? who are you???......are you polyjuiced? LMAO. i do imagine seb calling clora "love" when they get older tho (not in hogwarts) bc i like how simple it is, and imagining him saying stuff like 'careful, love' makes me🫠🫠🫠🫠
aw TYY💖💖 honestly i didnt give the victorian setting TOO much thought, other than making clora more modest/not used to wearing trousers etc. like the actual victorian courting process was that youd ALWAYS be chaperoned by at least 1 other person and you wouldnt be able to kiss or anything, so the fact that our mcs are in a co-ed school with free reign already ruins that, so i wouldnt worry too much about it. a lot of it you can just wave off with the excuse that wizard society is more advanced than muggle society, which is true anyway LOL. i just kept the parts that i thought were fun/made it feel victorian ENOUGH but got rid of the stuff that was too annoying (one big example being the amount of clothing they wear....i said it in the notes for one of my chapters, but i wasnt about to make seb go through like 5 different layers just to touch cloras titty LMFAO) and no i didnt have 1 specific website i used, id just google "blank in victorian times" and look through all the articles and resources i could on that subject, and take little bits of it. SO YEA i wouldnt worry about it too much, just take what you want if you think it could enrich your story, and leave stuff out if its annoying to deal with BHAHA. and GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WRITING!!💖💖
BAHAHA yeah sebs bark was defs bigger than his bite when it came to actually having kids/getting clora pregnant LOL. he defs loves the pregnancy part, but i feel like seeing her go through the actual labour was super hard on him/made him feel guilty bc he hates to see her in pain, let alone bc of HIM. not to mention that i imagine he would still work even once they have kids, so to leave clora with like 6 kids by herself isnt something he would have wanted to do LOL. once both lewis and celeste are in hogwarts tho i actually imagine seb and clora still doing curse breaking as well (albeit less dangerous jobs/not as far away) BUT YES having a third kid that looks like seb and is sassy like anne would be SO CUTEEE...a happy accident is a good idea too, tho i kinda like the idea of it being cloras idea.....like, she gets baby fever again now that the kids are kinda growing up and sebs like no i dont wanna put u through that again... but obvs seb wouldnt be able to resist if clora was begging seb to put a baby in her LMFAOOO its already as good as done at that point😇😇 AND THANK YOU, and im glad you liked it!!!🥹💖💖💖
@the-kcm-muggleborn AWWW ur right thats so pretty.....ty for showing me!!🥹and im glad it make you think of clora...SHE WOULD APPROVE OF THESE STUDIES👌⭐🌙
#ask#LMAO actually that pet name ask reminds me that i did have clora call seb 'sallow' after she glamoured herself to be a boy#and seb just kinda blanked and stared at her LMAO#now im laughing imagining clora calling sebastian 'seb' and 'sallow' for an entire day he'd lose his mind LMFAOO like who are you#pls stop#also it doesnt help that i dont rly like any variation of nicknames for the name clora LMAO#like clo?....ra??? lor?? i could do the classic just adding an s at the end to make it clors but that looks weird#i also feel like im the only person thats not crazy about 'darling' either idk......'love' is the only thing i REALLY like#it just feels elegant and mature and loving but also casual? in a way#i think its the casualness of love that makes it the only one i like...bc pet names as a whole are usually too embarrassing for me#but a quick 'love' added to a sentence is JUST the right amount for me🤌
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for some reason I've started the epic quest to try translating the Iliad as so many have done before me (I've translated 20 lines which is a lot with only a dictionary but very little in the long run)
but page 1 i saw a funny epitheton ornans in chriseis's speech. he says:
"sons of atreus and other greeks with good greaves..." (greave = shin armor)
like, how stupidly funny is that? bro is coming to free his daughter but nooo he must mention the shin armor of the greeks first. peak flattery. I will be using this
I'll be making more posts about the weird shit i find in translation but i thought that description was just so funny
#iliad#briseis#achilles#patroclus#agamemnon#tagamemnon#diomedes#homeric epics#homer#on another note#homer uses a lot of dual forms#which are a bit rarer in usual ancient greek#in the beginning of the first book#i think to specifically emphasize agamenon and achilles#and its really cool to be able to read that emphasis#idk just something i noticed#he also uses it referring to the atreides a few sentences later#but it really presses on the individual importance of these characters#because he literally says “these TWO and no one else”#i wonder if he does this while discussing patroclus and achilles together...#we'll see
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「いかないで」
arataka reigen/reader angst and fluff
vent
× × ×
You're leaving again.
'It's just a short trip,' you'd assured him. 'I'll be back in a week.' 'I'll be back before you know it.' 'I'll be safe.' 'I won't die.'
He knows you'll be alright. He knows you'll be safe. He knows you'll be back in a week. He knows you won't die, but he can't— he can't get those horrible, horrible thoughts of you dying in unimaginably terrible ways out of his head. He knows you'll be okay, but he can't stop thinking about why, how, you might not be.
The two of you sit on those cold airport chairs, the metal chilling his skin. He holds your hand in a bruising grip, his knuckles white. He breathes hard, struggling to keep himself from crying. He shouldn't cry. He shouldn't cry.
Your suitcase sits in front of you as you scroll mindlessly on your phone, not paying attention to him. It's so cold. The steel of the chair is so cold. The air-conditioning is so cold. Why are you so cold to him right now?
Your hand is warm. Your thumb caressing the back of his hand is nice. You're nice. You're warm. You shouldn't leave. Why do you need to leave? Don't go.
He hears the words of the airport attendant over the speaker, announcing that the last flight of the day was prepared to be boarded. He panics, a tremor coming to his hands, his eyes growing wet and glassy with tears. He blinks them away before you can see.
You switch off your phone. You get up and off the chair, taking your luggage in a hand and beginning to walk off. His hand slips from yours, and he scrambles to follow.
He's too slow. He's too slow to follow you.
He stares at you as you walk. He stares as that god forsaken bag rolls across the smooth marble floors, making a sound so grating and horrid it makes him want to rip his ears from his head.
He shouldn't cry. He wants to stop you. He wants you to stay. He wants to say those words, he really, really wants to say those words.
'Don't go.'
As the doors slide shut, hiding you from view, he can't hold it in anymore.
He falls to his knees, burying his head in his hands. He cries, he sobs, he begs you to stay, knowing that you aren't here anymore, knowing you can't hear him.
He knows you'll be back. He knows you'll be fine. He knows you won't die. He knows you'll be safe. He knows you'll be fine when you come back. He knows when you'll come back.
Do you not like him? Do you hate him? Why do you have to leave?
He knows why. He can't come along. He wishes, he begs to whatever god is merciful, but none of them listen.
You're leaving again.
He knows he shouldn't cry. He really, really shouldn't cry, but he still, so selfishly, wants to say those words to you.
'Don't go.'
It's so cold. Why is it so cold? Why is the airport so empty? Why is it so dark?
Why can't you stay?
He dries his eyes, leaving the airport. The night is cold, silent, as if judging him. He's being so childish, crying and worrying over a week-long separation. He shouldn't cry.
The floor seems to swim and shift underneath his feet, as if trying to knock him to the ground. The night is falling apart. His vision is blurry. His head hurts. His hands shake. His knees tremble.
He boards the bus, sitting down on the cold plastic seats. He shouldn't cry. He shouldn't cry.
He checks his messages excessively, looking at your empty chat for hours, staring at the illuminated words on the bright screen.
'I'll be back soon!'
He imagines watching you lying down in a hospital bed. He imagines watching you pass on. He imagines your funeral. He imagines your gravestone. He imagines feeling the rough stone underneath his fingertips as he caresses it. He imagines bringing flowers to your grave. He imagines bringing your favourite food to your grave. He imagines crying at your grave. He imagines his tears wetting the soil. He imagines how lonely he'll be without you.
That night, he cries himself to sleep.
× × ×
You look so happy in those pictures you send him.
You're smiling. You're laughing. You're grinning.
You're so much more attractive than usual. You're so much more pretty than usual. Your eyes sparkle so much more than usual. Your hair is so much more shiny than usual. Your smile is so much more radiant than usual.
He stares at the pictures for hours.
He dreads the cold nights. He dreads the lonely mornings. He misses you.
He doesn't go to work all week. He stays at home, sitting in his cold, cold room, the blankets and coats and sweaters and scarves doing nothing. He's so cold without you. Why did you have to leave? You're so warm, and he's so cold. Why did you have to leave?
He doesn't eat, he barely sleeps, just staring at those pictures you sent him. Staring at your happy face, staring at your beaming smile. Staring at you.
Why are you so happy without him? Why don't you seem to miss him? What did he do wrong? Do you not love him? Why do you hate him?
He misses you. He loves you so, so much. He wants you to come back.
He counts the minutes. He counts the hours. He counts every minute you don't message him, and he counts every minute that you do. He counts every minute you call him, and he counts every minute you don't.
Seven more days. Six more days.
He misses you.
Five more days. Four more days.
He misses you.
Three more days. Two more days.
He misses you.
One more day.
He misses you.
× × ×
It's the last day. He's ecstatic, a wide, dopey grin plastered on his face as he quickly showers the first time that week and changes into something presentable. It's all for you.
He runs to the bus when you message that you're reaching soon. He sprints, almost falling over, scrambling up the bus's stairs and settling, shaking, into a cold plastic seat. He's still so, so cold without you. You're so warm, and he's going to be able to feel your heat again.
He stumbles out of the bus, almost falling over as he runs as fast as he can into the cold airport, almost slipping on the cold, smooth marble floors. He sits in the cold metal chair, waiting impatiently. He checks his messages obsessively, watching that live location thing you'd sent him. He watches as your little icon glides slowly across the path. It feels like it goes on forever.
You finally arrive.
He scrambles out of his seat, sprinting towards the doors as they slide open and you slip through. He runs into you, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing, squeezing so hard it pushes the air out of your lungs and leaves purple bruises on your skin.
He holds the back of your head in a tight, crushing hand, running his fingers through your hair. He buries his face in your hair, breathing in your shampoo. He's breathing heavily, and his breathing quickens further when you give a tight hug in return, burying your face into the crook of his neck.
He's shaking, you notice. His grip is tight, crushing, bruising, and he doesn't let go for a long, long time.
When he finally does, though, he lets out a long, slow sigh, his grip loosening a little as he puts some distance in between the two of you, just enough for him to look at your face. He cradles your cheek, his expression calm, calmer than you've ever seen it before.
"I missed you," he says simply, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone. You wrap your fingers around his wrist, pressing his palm to your face as you smile at him. "I missed you too."
Those words make him feel good, make him feel better than he's ever felt. You missed him. You missed him even though you were having so much fun. You still love him.
Your eyes light up.
"I got you a gift," you say excitedly, rummaging through your bag. You pull out a small box, about the size of your palm. He takes it from you almost immediately, ripping the cover off.
It's a bracelet. A small, silver one, elegant chain wrapping around winding branches. Gemstones line the sparkling metal. He struggles to get it on, his fingers shaky and his movements fast, almost frantic.
You laugh in amusement. "You like it?"
He envelops you in a crushing hug again, muttering and mumbling as his grip tightens around you. "I love it," you hear, barely intelligible. "I love you. Oh, I love you..."
He releases you from the suffocating hug, his hands on the small of your back.
"Can we go for ramen now?" He asks, almost begs. He's starving, not having eaten a proper meal for a week. "Please? Anata?"
Your heart flutters at the sound of him using that pet name for you. It's so, so rare to hear him calling you anything other than your name. You don't mind it, of course, but this is a... Pleasant surprise.
You smile. "Of course."
His dopey grin widens as he takes your hand in a bruising grip, leading you out of the airport and to his favourite ramen shop.
He's warm.
#vent#Spotify#im gonna vent in the tags <3 really feeling this one boys#ive never related to a song this much. i havent even experienced romantic attraction before#it feels so stupid. i feel so stupid#theres so many things going on in my life and i cant#i cant keep track of any of them.#i get plenty of love. i have good friends. i have a good mum and a cool dad.#why cant i accept their love?#its so perfect. its so perfect. my life is perfect; flawless. why cant i see that?#why do i want to die?#...#it really breaks me how simple that sentence is.#「いかないで。」#no kanji. no fancy pronouns. nothing.#like a child.#reigen arataka#arataka reigen#angst#reigen x reader#arataka reigen x reader#reigen arataka x reader#did anyone leave? no. im just lonely
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hi!!
my word for the out-of-context WIP game is "factory" ! curious to see :)
oh boy. max my guy i TRIED i really did...but the answer is absolutely nothing im sorry lol i checked literally every draft i had and the best i can offer you is 'fact' or 'satisfactory'... im a fantasy writer i have apparently never once described industrialisation (oh no new writing idea unlocked i love that period of european history ngl...)
but in the spirit of the game, i've decided i'll share a poem containing the word 'fact', because im relatively fond of it. yep this is gonna 1,000% be unrelated to factories it is in fact about organised religion!
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the true colours of the divine
i think religion is more beautiful from the outside looking in peeking through stained glass windows, a door left ajar
without the heavy hand of the mundane, the every day the acceptance of faith as fact, scripture as truth, i can see it
thousands of people, looking up at the heavens, prayers rising through the air like smoke words echoing empty off marble
to see this belief as a choice, made in the face of the unknown, millions of people made one their nature compelling their faith
to know a mere few books have connected centuries to know of people holding hands differences bent to bonds of belief
it says something, perhaps about people - what we are, dreamers, lonely, looking for reasons, a purpose to hold
i am grateful for my own lack of faith, granting me vision of the spirit of people, not gods i see the human colours of the divine
#writers on tumblr#writeblr#an attempt at an ask response#but not really#this is SO unrelated#but i did my best#and this poem is kinda cute! i quite like this one#one of those times being an atheist makes me like religion conceptually#obligatory psa this is not intended to undermine the sanctity of anyones religion#just say how interesting it can look from the outside#re humanity and human nature and divinity#max please forgive me for altering the ask sm#edit ive realised im supposed to write a new sentence if i don't have a word#but l don't know where i would start unless one day i write an 1800s piece#max if i do u will be the first to know#obligatory reminder that the ip for this is mine pls only share with credit!#caitlin's original writing#caitlin writes and yaps abt it#caitlin rambles miscellaneous#yes thats like all of my tags what abt it im rambling its in the blog name
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#this question brought to you by: me writing 'thats all she ever seems to be in this body' and then going 'wait no wait no thats not right'#like. okay. if i say. she wants his body. im clearly talking abt two different..........physicalities lets say#she wants his body bc its unlike hers#but thats sort of like comparable to if yuo met future you and theyve been on hormones for years like#you want their body but thats still one and the same body you get me#or even just like. when youre 50 and you wish you had your 20 yo body or smth like that#you know what i mean?#its the same body it just changed#but if i phrase a phrase like 'in this body'. then it seems im separating them out#like this body is smth different from previous regenerations body#which. id ont think it is. i think its all the same body#but anyway. not sure what the exact difference here is that im putting my finger on#or Not putting my finger on#sticking my fingers IN#might just be semantics#but like. dont semantics matter sometimes#when words mean things#who knows#anyway swapping out 'body' in that initial sentence i wrote with 'regeneration' baaareeelyyy seems to solve the problem too#like i can get away with it. but its cheating. im not REALLY getting away with it#im still i think almost making the same claim i dont believe in re the bodies#anyway#can literally solve the problem by replacing 'body' in that sentence with 'lately'#fairly sure that fixes it#but not 100%
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Bpd green...I see a vision...reds avoidant personality would be hell on earth for him but it's okay. They can work it out.
But for awhile after their reunion I know green woke up every day convinced red was going to walk off into the mountains again. Also just endless guilt about being mean to red when they were younger so he way over compensates now and it feels weird and forced for both of them.
Red has long forgiven green and wouldn't just leave again but unfortunately he doesn't actually like speaking out about how he's feeling so he seems sort of distant which makes green spiral a little.
Red isn't avoidant/closed off bc he thinks green won't care/doesn't trust him to confide in him but green probably sees it that way for awhile. He just has 0 experience with actually talking about your feelings instead of staying silent about how he feels and then leaving to live on a mountain to avoid any stress factors.
It's okay. Theyll figure it out. Being reunited after years of one of you living alone on a mountain and the other drowning in guilt over it will have your conflict resolution skill be a little rusty.
#when green leaves the house he brings his phone wallet keys and The Guilt#do you see the vision. sorry for making green miserable. but its necessary for character development#the plot. the plot of thd giant story ive been writing one sentence of once a month#red does trust and forgive green he really does but in my world him leaving to live on a mountain alone is. well.#yet. not leaving yet. even though red is fr about not disappearing on him. but green isnt convinced at first.#in canon it couldve just been to focus on training. but if we interpret it as a response to stress/anxiety then#his ability to handle stress and resolve conflicts doesnt seem that well developed. he was a kid and is still young so its ok. he'll learn#green is just very afraid of red leaving again. he's convinced he'll mess up somehow and theyll go back to having no contact#red can tell but he doesn't really know how to reassure him other than to tell him hes not leaving. but green sees an asterisk that says Ye#this is all early relationship#they figure it out...being in a messy friendship turned rivals turned friends who like each other is very difficult#trainer red#green oak#blue oak#reguri#pokemon headcanons
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Tw eyestrain
This is for the draw this in your style by @ricky-tiki-tah ^^
I wanted to do this wayyyy earlier but i was busy with stuff
Hope ya like it ^^
#markiplier#tw blood#the host#toust does art#dude ive had such trouble with the line art like it just looked OFF man#but its looking good now#acctualy im really proud of this one#aside from the blood#like it acctualy looks like mark finaly#anyway yea i struggled with the blood and i still dont like how it looks but oh well#anyway the stuff wasnt anything serious just preparations for an event at my village and then vacation and then stuff with me going to my-#-first year at university/college#idk the difference in them honestly in czech its just one word#oh yea im studying to become an english teacher!#super excited coz english is one of my favorite things in the world#which is why im bumed about the floods and the semester having to start a week later coz people arent able to get to school coz everything-#-is under water#oh yea the whole weekend it was POURING here in the whole country#were fine where i live atm but the rest of the republic is like sheeeesh#anyway im done yapping#id be surprised if anyone read it til here#u know that one post that is like:#the post: one sentence#the tags: so it all started in 2003-#this is that lol#anyway enjoy our boi host imma head out#bye ^^
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2023 reads // twitter thread
To Shape A Dragon’s Breath
YA fantasy
a young Indigenous girl finds & bonds with a dragon hatchling - the first time in many generations for her people - and is required to go to the coloniser’s dragon academy in their mainland city, to learn how to raise her dragon and the science of its magic
historical inspired setting on the cusp of industrial revolution with steampunk vibes
bi polyamorous MC, Black lesbian SC, nonverbal autistic SC
#To Shape A Dragon’s Breath#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is really really good i loved it!#the chapter titles are all like snippets of a story. or like sentence fragments that match up. which is cool#it is definitely more about being indigenous in a coloniser institution than Dragon School - not Super dragon heavy if you want that#I suspect the subsequent books will get into that when she gets big enough to ride and stuff#t’s also def YA! i’ve seen a few ppl assume it’s adult and be like its very young :( but like. I mean its perfectly reasonable for a 15yo m#definitely a Lot of racism and colonialism which is not fun to read! though it's still through a YA lens. there was def a part of me that#was imagining consequences of the narrative as if it were an adult novel#on that line of thought - at the end a lot of it is kind of solved by them going to the king and he's is like. oh no racism is happening?#that's bad i'll deal with those people! which felt like. a little simplistic. but maybe the easiest way to end the narrative for book 1 -#I don't think the author ACTUALLY is going to portray the king as a Good Guy throughout the series - it just felt conveniently like -#a simple YA solution to some very big and complex elements? if that makes sense? (but again - it is YA so it's allowed I suppose!)#some of the worldbuilding (like all the science learning) is probably setup for next books - we don’t really see any practical application#the romances are also subtle and not Overbearing In Book One which i like - leave some space for the series!#also her getting fanmail from a 10yo mixed race girl who looks up to her 🥺#anyway. i really loved it!#oh also it reminded me a little of leviathan. i guess just the steampunk/time period/european culture....#To Shape A Dragon's Breath
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Man I really wish I didnt feel bad abt sharing Leo lore outside of tumblr. It is what it is
#id love to feel okay talking abt him in servers or when chatting w others but i have the like#well hes not the commander so he'll be considered inherently less interesting to others and also he isnt Cool Enough in general#tumblr is fine bc im really just talking to myself and people fan choose to interact so i dont feel bad abt it#but I cannot imagine trying to talk about him literally anywhere else bc im like well nobody wants to listen to That#but its okay Like I dont need to its genuinely fine it can just be a little wacky when im sitting there like oh#im sure am the only one who hasnt participated in the talk abt their own oc....#I made an off hand comment about Shipping rytlock and leo in vc and nearly walked into the ocean#things to work on......#Me: Okay even tho it was a short sentence that was way too much information abt ur canon time to never say anything ever again
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Being a Cahir fan from the time before the show came out is so weird cause-
That's. That's litteraly a completely different character.
#each time i see cahir on screen i go 'look how they masacred my boy'#so to get out of the way the biggest differences#he wasnt anyone special in the nilfgaard or its army#hes just some son of a noble made officer that just so happened to be unknowingly responsibe for the most important mission of the war#and he didnt know ciri that long#in books he literally just 1) grabbed ciri 2) brought her out of the burning cintra 3) helped her wash up from the soot and grime#he didnt even exchange with her a single word because out of shock he straight up forgot how and when he woke up she was gone#and then he didn't see her for next five years#the fact that he even found her at all is multiple times described as one step away from a miracle#after failing to bring ciri and insulting the emperor in anger he was straight up inprisoned for few years and was supposed to be hanged#which he wasnt only because he was the only person alive that even knew how ciri looked and they needed him to find her#and then he was sent on a basically sucide mission which was equivalent of ozai sending zuko to find and capture the avatar#everyone knew it was a death sentence either from hands of the empire or people guarding the girl#also he didnt stop the scotiael on thanned#ciri killed all of them leaving cahir as the last of them#then when she tried to kill him she irreperably damaged his hand when he tried to stop her sword and then he begged her to not kill him#when asked for one reason why he reveals that he was the one to bring her out of the burning cintra and while doing so he closes his eyes#(of which ciri doesnt have any recollection besides nightmares about a black knight with wings on his helmet on horseback screaming)#((which is also one of the major plot points of this book and the next ones))#after a while of not being struck he opens his eyes and ciri is gone by then and he passes out from relief and/or the blood loss#and only by then other group of scotiael came to him#after failing once again he is literally sent back in the casket (still alive just trapped in it for convinience) to be executed#the only reason he lives on is because geralt later on accidentally finds him and then frees him#then he has lots of character building that i wont spoil anymore that is straigh up not possible with how the show went on#im just really disappointed#cahir mawr dyffryn aep ceallach#the witcher#the witcher books#the witcher netflix#also in books hes described (by geralt nonetheless) as being less than 25 years old/10 years older than ciri during 'babtism of fire'
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ok ill just say this i was one of the “girls” salò shit was being done to in ms like straight up movie style psychological torture type bullying and tbf i dont tend to use the phrase “female camraderie” in general or esp about myself since im a man now. but if you asked me if I’ve experienced it i would say yes for instance in the countless intimate hushed conversation in bedrooms ive had with cis, straight women (same type of girl that was torturing me in ms) bonding over shared madness inducing experiences such as being in extremely abusive relationships with men. So i wouldnt jump the gun on that one. But whatever
#i get that being a type of person who got excluded from ‘’’’girl bonding’’’’ growing up bc of being not white /transfem / gnc/ whatever can#lead towards resentment i think thats perfectly logical and justified. but imo 99% of any types of feminist and or lgbt#for lack of a better word infighting comes from all parties (with their wide variety of individual ‘positioning’ across various social/#political/bodily ‘fault lines’ kind of. naturalizing their lived experience into some kind of axiom#without considering that very often someone who does not have XYZ trait/situation may have been victimized in very different but equally#real ways. most straightforward ex of this imo is the whole bi vs lesbian infighting in the quote unquote queer female community#but anyway . i see very often - not just online but also and especially offline - people being extremely cogent and lucid in analyzing#their own positioning and situations. but then painting people in different ones by the most generic reductive sweeping overgeneralizations#and its like. okay. maybe just give some thought to the fact that everyone else livs lives as complex and intricate as yours. thats all#PS i went on a tangent and forgot to say to be extremely clear. i absolutely did not have access to ‘girl space’ for the entirety of my#life until age like 17 to 21. and even then i was tenuously tolerated as some kind of inoffensive creature that was nonetheless still made#of different matter than the ‘real’ girls#idk. dont really have an end to that sentence i guess
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