#but just people making bad decisions sometimes. because of concern. because of desperation. because of love. which happens with people.

[paradoxbeta]

I'm curious, how would your Suns design look during more serious situations, such as one of the Spearmaster broadcasts?

something like this

and now for a (slightly long) addendum: i know i depict SRS as jokey and kooky, but when it comes to not shitposting and actual characterization, i have Thoughts and Feelings about them. the entire story, they just want to do what they hope will help the people around them, even though it all ends up horribly, HORRIBLY wrong. that's tragic, and it has my interest. considering the heaviness (and intrigue) of SRS’s storyline, for me to only ever depict them as a goofball be way too shallow of me, and unfaithful to their canon characterization.

so to answer your question: they hold themselves together, of course, but the shame, regret, and embarrassment is still evident.

[cripplecharacters]

Alright, I'm just gonna bite the bullet. Worst that can happen is I make a fool of myself. I've been working on superhero stories, versions of the same universe since I was in 8th grade and what I want more than anything is to modernize superheroes, create a world where they act for all people's social good and take representation to the highest level I can think of. From your position of expertise, what can I do with the creation of disabled characters that would buck the trend, do some good, and show a good side. The non-prosthetic and non-corrected for disability rep in the genre is basically nil, I have no ideas and nothing to draw on. I guess I just wanna know what disabled audiences might like to see for once in their lives.

Hello!

Disabled superheroes are awesome. There's really few of them but the ones that we do have are often really important to us - you can look at the reactions to Sun-Spider being first introduced to the Spiderverse, back then I couldn't open my fridge without seeing that one panel where she explicitly says she has Ehlers-Danlos.

Here are a few suggestions of what I'd like to see in the superhero genre:

Superheroes with facial differences. Comics love to use us for their ugly disfigured evil villains but not much else unfortunately. I'd kill for a superman type hero who saves people with a smile and a facial difference on his face. Especially for superhero stories that are geared towards kids and teens, we just desperately need something to help with shifting the public perception of people with facial differences from "evil and ugly" to "people that can be awesome". A hero with burn scars, with Treacher Collins syndrome, Bell's palsy, neurofibromatosis... anything.

Superheroes who use disability aids (and still need them when doing their job!). Sun-Spider is an awesome example, she swings from her crutches and has a spider wheelchair. That's cool as hell. But even a less in-your-face aid would be great. A superhero flying above the city with her ankle-foot orthoses visible would go really hard. Also, superheroes who are concerned on how much these things cost and try their best to make sure they're still functional while they save the city.

Heroes with different causes of their disabilities! The vast majority of morally good disabled characters were involved in An Accident or some sort of Attack that disabled them. That's not bad or wrong at all, but I think in media is kind of oversaturated with this specific portrayal when a lot of people have progressive or congenital conditions. We need more stories that show those who were born disabled as heroes equal to those who were born abled and spent most of their lives abled. Superheroes with cerebral palsy, chromosomal disorders, congenital rubella, achondroplasia, all the disabilities that tend to get ignored despite so many people having them. Same for really common chronic illnesses, diabetes or COPD are criminally underrepresented.

Disabled superheroes that aren't saints because of their disability. This is the whole "disabled person can do no wrong" trope that appears sometimes. I'm mentioning it since superheroes are more "perfect" than most characters in other genres, so try to not make it so the disabled ones can do no wrong. Disabled people can still make mistakes that are their fault, make poor decisions, or just simply be angry sometimes.

When there's no active superhero action going on, show the normal human parts of the disabled experience. Depending on the demographic you're writing for it would be different things, but there are some fairly universal concepts like inaccessibility, microaggressions, or just boring things like the prosthetic leg no longer fitting well after the character gained some weight. If your characters are from the US, don't be afraid to mention that their insulin costs are barely affordable with their superhero pay. Show how the common everyday kind of ableism affect them when they're in civilian mode. This will make it much more authentic to disabled readers.

These are my suggestions, and I hope they are helpful. My last advice is to have multiple disabled characters, and in different roles. Maybe a character with late ALS can no longer do superhero fighting, but he can still be a wonderful parent. Maybe the character with Usher syndrome is more interested in the hero than being a hero themselves (disabled heroes in relationships!). Maybe the character with phocomelia can't be a hero yet because she's six, but she can train hard to be one when she's older. Keep it varied, have them come from different life situations and have different goals just like abled characters do.

I hope this helps!

mod Sasza

[flowerandblood]

I don't like many of the authors' decisions here – sometimes their tropes, sometimes their choice of how they present events, dialogues, sometimes their characters, relationships between them or their appearance. It's not a bad thing. I have a right to feel this way.

But I would never tell them about it. Not because I don't have the courage to do it but because it would give them nothing, nothing good. You criticise when someone asks for it – when someone doesn't, then you should keep quiet.

Why? Because perhaps someone does not want this criticism and it's their right too. I, for example, don't care and I don't want to know how much someone dislikes something in my work. I don't need the fake appreciation of others, just as others don't need mine.

If I don't like someone's stories, I just leave them alone. God bless all of them! Write and be happy.

No one here is an oracle or judge, and some people feel that way. If you don't like what the authors are writing and their choices, give them a holy peace or else all you'll achieve is that they'll be discouraged from writing – they'll think: maybe nobody wants to read this after all, look at my characters, maybe it's pointless, maybe everyone thinks about me and my writing this way.

Sowing doubt and passive humiliation is very popular here for some reason and I find it incredibly annoying. People don't know when to shut their mouths and when their private opinion to which they are, after all, entitled hurts others, making them uncomfortable.

Our right to free speech should not cut someone's wings and mock them. This is an expression of disrespect and basic culture.

Not everyone has to want to change, to develop if it is not their profession but a simple hobby.

Anonymity does not make malicious gibberish sound any smarter, and a large audience or reactions under posts does not make anyone entitled to post an opinion in which they criticise works of others for their choices.

"Why do you write with only small letters? It's so annoying. This character would never do this, are you dumb? Aemond would never betray his family! Oh nooo, next Visenya on a big dragon? Why these OC's are so boring? Reader insert is just for you because you are desperate to fuck. Why do your OC is fat? Why do your OC is slim? Why do make your OC look like this, why won't you try something new? Why do you put Alys in your story as a third wheel when she is Aemond's real love interest?"

Shut. The fuck. UUUUUUP. GOD.

You say – you don't agree, don't read, I have a right to my opinion. Well, I say: your right does not absolve you from thinking about the feelings of others.

You are hypocrites. You cry and make a hiatus when someone sends you a nasty anon writing that you write crap, but you devote 2,000 words on your blog to why a certain trope doesn't make sense, why other authors don't have a right to make their OC's look the way they want.

What you write is not private, it's public. Who are you writing it to? Is it an expression of your frustration? Those you write it about can read it. They may feel very, very bad about it, they can think to stop writing at all or make themselves to do something against their will. But that's not your concern anymore, right?

Taking responsibility for your own words only when it's convenient for you is an expression of immaturity and that's what I see in this fandom – most people here are afraid of adulthood and the clash with it. Because in adulthood everything we do has consequences to face.

But it's easier to say that we simply have the right to express our opinion, no matter how hurtful and unfounded it may be.

I want to be clear – I will see anyone reblogging or write this kind of posts – I will block them. Even if I like you, if you are with me for a long time. I don't want to see this kind of toxic behavior on my wall ever again. Enough is enough.

[boyfiejay]

Next door hottie neighbour

PAIRING : nonidol! Sunghoon x gn Reader

GENRE : next door neighbour / hottie, bad boy x good girl (kind of)

Warning : reader is mentioned to be wearing a skirt, sunghoon can come off as too pushy but reader likes it (ig?), sunghoon has a bike🤩

Word Count : 0.8k

Author's note : this active era of sunghoon is making me feel very delusional and i really needed to let it out or i would simply combust, so here it is 😁 it isnt the new year for me yet so here is my last fic of this year. Happy new year to everyone! <3

Suddenly moving away from a place you've grown up at makes you feel very sad. A ton of memories left behind because your mom's boss thought transfering your mom from one branch of her company to the other would just be no hassle at all. Now, you and your dad can never survive without her and so the logical decision was to move away.

And unlike your parents, you were very excited for new things. It was not that they werent excited, but they were a lot more worried than they were excited.

The result of your mom's worries was that you would be going to give your neighbour an apple pie 'to get on their good side' as your mom claims. After her stumbling across the kitchen, getting mad at your dad for forgetting to buy certain stuff and making sure the pie looked absolutely perfect, you were on your way to deliver it to your new neighbour. (i mean youre new here but they're still new people to you..)

On the way to the house beside yours, you noticed a matte black bike standing in the doorway of said house. And one of the things you're obsessed to is pretty bikes (just anything pretty in general ) and you were definitely going to rant about this to your mom.

You knocked on the door, but what you were not expecting was for a half naked guy around your age to open the door. And he was so handsome.

Despite your face turning a concerning shade of red - because did you mention he had a such a toned torso? - you introduced yourself, "Hi. I just moved next door. My name is ___. Ni-" before you could even finish your sentence, your stupidly handsome neighbour cut you off with a teasing smile, "So you're the pretty girl from yestrday, huh?" he said, probably mentioning you moving your stuff. 

His eyes suddenly shifting lower noticing your ruffled skirt, okay maybe that wasnt a good idea but he wasn't looking at you in a creepy way so it was fine you thought.

Desperately trying to change the topic you said, "My mom made an apple pie and she wanted to share it with our new neighbours." You didn't mention his parents, incase he lived alone and you looked like an idiot. He muttered out a 'thank you' and took the pie from you. The whole atmosphere suddenly turning too awkward to bear.

In hopes of starting a conversation, you said, "Is that bike yours," he nodded, maybe you were also going to give him a lecture on how dangerous it is, "its so cool." Sunghoon was going to sound like such a loser but maybe it was because you are the first girl who had something good to say about his bike (his baby), or maybe the way your eyes twinkled when you looked at the bike and he knew you were being genuine with your compliment. Park Sunghoon wanted to kiss you so bad in that moment.

And he decide he was going to shoot his shot, and not care if he would appear desperate. You were too pretty to regret. 

Reluctantly looking away from your lips he said, "How rude of me. My name is Sunghoon. You're new in this area right? How about we hangout sometime? You know, so i can tell you who to avoid," he said taking a step closer to you, suddenly the distance between you two seeming too small for mere strangers, "and who you should be close to." he said, with that same teasing smile.

You felt like you were in a daze, his naked chest suddenly so close to your red face. You took a step back and realized a little too late that there was no ground beneath your feet. But just in time Sunghoon put his arms around your waist preventing you to fall flat on your ass.

"Careful there, we dont want you injured before the date, do we?" This guy and his smile were going to be the death of you.

"Huh? What... Date?" you asked, bewildered at what was unfolding.

"You heard me. Here-" he said, taking his hands off your waist (finally‼️) and handing you his phone, "put in your number."

Not knowing what to say, you wordlessly put in your number. Well what were you supposed to say? No?? To such a handsome guy?

You gave him back his phone and you saw him putting a little heart beside your name (this one ♡︎).

"See you then." he said, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

As you were walking back home and reached the gate of your house, you curiously looked to see if Sunghoon had went inside. But he was still there, half naked, leaning on the doorframe, holding the pie. With that damn smile.

Your face burning up again (it should be permanently red by now) as you almost ran to your front door.

Moving away wasn't such a hassle, especially if your neighbour was so hot.

Proceed to part 2 ?

[scenetocause]

can i ask about grid boy oscar please?

ofc. grid boy oscar my beloved.

basically: the fia brings gridpeople back as a concept but they're there all season and it's an excuse to put oscar in a skimpy leotard, as well as various situations like having to participate in an FIA litterpicking initiative and endorse synthetic fuel as part of the "grid for good". all of this happens in front of a particularly half-drowned cat lando who's desperately lonely and kind of falling apart. also logan is lando's teammate (bc if no oscar he would have won f3, etc) and they are quite fun to write together.

lando basically falls in love with his hot, slightly awkward grid boy and keeps giving oscar his coat or hoodie and things when he's cold or his umbrella when it's hot and oscar's a bit bemused about it but not arguing because he only took this job to try and make contacts with teams about an engineering internship. except there's this cute, weird driver who keeps asking him to hang out and keep him company at dinner and falling asleep while oscar's sitting on his bed and lando sometimes looks so pathetically needy. oscar has no idea what he could do to help him out but he wants to.

so lando sort of staggers through the season, with oscar as more and more of a support and they're both a little bit lost but helping each other enough and then perhaps they have a lovely little snog when they realise they're going to be separated and oh, maybe they won't be, then.

snippet under the cut

“What do you think about the grid girls - well, grid people?” Lando is not expecting Ted Kravitz to ambush him, Notebook mic in hand, while he was trying to re-do his shoelace under the only bit of rain cover near McLaren’s hospitality in Suzuka.

“Uh.” He blinks, water dripping in front of his eyes. “They’re uh, they’re very nice?”

Ted gives him a look like that’s not the right answer and Lando’s mouth panics before his brain has time to catch up. 

“Nice people, you know. They clearly have lots of passion for Formula 1 and they-” there’s rain running into his mouth, off his hood. Has to pause to swallow and shake his head like a dog. “They’re here, you know, because of that.”

“Oh, right.” Ted nods. “Yes, it’s good for them, isn’t it?”

There’s a note of concern in his voice that says he’s not totally sure what they just had was a coherent conversation but it’s the Notebook so. Whatever. Lando shakes himself again, water spraying, as Ted burbles away from him and he finally gets the sopping wet lace on his team trainers into something approaching a knot that might hold to the car park, at least.

Logan catches up to him with a papaya umbrella halfway there. “Dude. You’re soaked.”

Ok, yeah, Lando probably should have thought about an umbrella himself. He’s a bit out of sorts, lately - Jon used to handle all that sort of thing for him and he’s actually fine coping on his own and it’s ok for Jon to be home for a few races and Lando’s an adult, yeah? He’s leading the team, Logan doing well enough but the points gap between them clear, Lando getting asked about executive-level decisions in the group like he’s one of the real grown ups, lately. 

So he’s doing fine, alright? Just, like, a bit wet. On this particular occasion. Sometimes he’s also thirsty and can’t find his water bottle or hungry and hasn’t remembered there’s a wrap ready in the fridge but he’s basically alright. His back hurts more but he’s fine, it’s only a few races. He can do this.

“Where’s the - team car or whatever, anyway?” Now he’s under the umbrella it’s obvious quite how bad it was, water sluicing off the spokes like it’s out of a tap. 

“I dunno.” Logan sighs, heavily. “I just figured Zak’d probably have another reason to fire me if I let you drown.”

[blade-that-was-broken]

I have a HC that brozone had like stage parents like the kind of parents that only had kids so that they’re kids could do the child star thing and they could live vicariously through their kids success. and also so those kids could make a ton of money that the parents could live off of. Like the parents of the kids on toddlers in tiaras.

We know that JD took on the role of raising his younger brothers and that he saw himself as their main caretaker, but this is contrasted by the fact that his brothers don’t seem to see him as a parental figure and at least in the third movie seem to get annoyed and angry when JD tries to act like an authority figure in there lives. I interpret this as JD raised these kids but the parents were still around they were generally just uninvolved in their kids lives beyond the surface level bare minimum and shirked most of their responsibilities onto JD. In a JD did all the work but the parents took all the credit kind of way that led to JD simultaneously raising Bruce, Floyd and Clay without being a legitimate authority figure to them.

I also think that JD would not get baby branch involved in the band that young if he had a choice in that decision, both as someone who grew up in fame as a child star and knows how stressful and toxic that environment is and as a perfectionist who is very concerned with the bands performances going flawlessly. toddlers are messy and make mistakes and generally I don’t think JD would trust a toddler to perform to his standards and listen to him as a band leader during the performance. JD was stressed about the idea of baby branch being nervous and messing up the performance in the flashback I don’t think he would let him do it at all if it was his choice.

However I think that if brozone had toxic stage parents who decided to make baby branch join the band simply because he’s cute and marketable and would make them money then left all the actual logistics behind that move to JD to figure out that would fit with teenager JDs controlling, protective, and perfectionist character traits. Because people who feel like they truly have control over their lives and actually have the authority to make decisions in their life usually don’t micromanage everything and everyone they delegate. JDs controlling behavior fits more with a teenager who is desperately trying to cling to what little control he has in his life, which is the logistics of managing the band.

Essay over sorry for rambling

No worries! I love a good ramble.

It's not a bad headcanon either. It would make sense.

I don't think I have a specific headcanon for canon Brozone and their parents, probably because I have shifted to aus but it would make sense. Especially with all the dark turns we see when it comes to children stars/actors/singers and their parents.

Kids... don't often see their older siblings as authority figures, even when they are. They don't always recognize that. Don't get me wrong, sometimes they do but often times they don't really. So I can absolutely see John taking on that role and the others never really seeing it, even when they get older. Absolutely I could see that. Their parents doing what they could to keep appearances but all the real stuff landed on him. It is a tough spot to be in when your siblings don't see you as an authority figure that you are trying to be/need to be.

I could see that too. Even though troll aging/maturing seems wildly unpredictable, strange and weird in comparison to human toddlers, I could see, if this concept was the case, John not wanting him to be involved. Not only because of their parents exploiting them but also the perfectionism thing. It's not that he doesn't love Branch, but well, who trusts a toddler for this type of thing?

If there was toxic stage parents (which I think if they had stage parents they would have to be toxic, there is no way that family ended up the way they did without that if this was the case) I think you would be onto something with Branch being involved. We all know that Rosiepuff said Branch's voice was like an angel's so if she thought that, chances were their parents did too.

JD's whole thing when he left was his frustration and that his brothers were a lot of responsibility and considering he can't be that old, I can understand that. Coupling with the fact that he's probably not seen much as an authority figure in this case, as well as the pressure and strain he was under with that set of types of parents... yikes. Talk about a recipe for disaster.

Losing control for someone who struggles with perfectionism and even just being overwhelmed with reasonability is a nightmare. If this was the case, my only surprise is that there wasn't a blowup sooner. Which in that case, the reason it probably went on for so long is because John is protective. He always has been (I will die on this hill cause there is no way after 20 years of radio silence JD picks himself up and hightails it to try and save his brother that he isn't wildly protective)

[knowltonsrangers]

provenance

TURN!Marquis de Lafayette x reader

[tw//: mentions of not eating, undefined depression, and anxiety ahead. please read at your own discretion.]

Food pushing was the first sign of distress, so he’s noted.

Lack of appetite always seems to be the reasoning, the simple “I’m not hungry,” can suffice, but for only so long. It carries, the concern, into a day, then heavily when it becomes a little less than a full week.

He can only sit and abide by it for so long, until he’s ready to keel over, watching once more as your fork becomes a stick, picking and poking at dinner.

It’s a frustrating thing to look at, because no matter how much he asks, you never have an answer for him.

His nose twitches in discontent, yet he pushes forth, swallowing the anger that fights its way forward. Anger that he cannot help you. Whatever it is, you’ve made it clear you did not want to talk about it.

“Is it alright if…if I go take a walk? I need to clear my head…”

You ask, still staring down at your full plate. You’re only asking because you know if you just got up and left, Lafayette would be at your heels in a moment, wondering why you’d want to go out in the cold, at a rather late hour.

But somehow, something in that sentence brings a smile to his eyes, and he nods happily, standing from his seat.

“Shall we?”

He’s invited himself, no surprise there, yet, you’d feel like something was missing if you gone without him. You haven’t gotten to do this in a long while, and it would be your mind that would become your enemy if you took this trip alone.

“I know you do not wish to talk about it,”

Lafayette had helped you into your coat, insisting on putting your gloves and scarf on. After, he shrugs his own coat on his broad shoulders, black leather gloves to his hands.

You had begun the walk in silence, yet, Gilbert broke it after a handful of moments.

“And you do not have to. I can talk this entire time, if you would like,”

You barely blink before another sentence leaves his lips.

“However, I am so very troubled by this, y/n. I do not like it that you have not eaten, and that beautiful smile has been gone from your face for too long.”

Your hands come to shove in your coat pockets, when you take notice of Lafayette’s hand, dangling just at the perfect height at your side. It’s a subconscious feeling, and you heed it, taking his hand in yours and giving it a squeeze.

To his surprise, yet, he doesn’t question it. It’s the first move you’ve made on your own, and he would rather die than have you pull your hand away.

“Y’know���when you have those obsessive thoughts. That sometimes everything happens for a reason?”

Your voice is hoarse, unable to find anything to look at besides the sidewalk below.

“Mhm, I do.”

“It’s a mantra that I keep saying over and over, yet, I still don’t know if I believe it. Everything has been thrown in my face, and then some, and I think I’m at my breaking point.”

Gilbert’s heart sinks into his stomach, and he slows his stride just a bit, feet shuffling at your words. It’s the first time you have brought this feeling to him, and many times you have expressed it physically, just by body language, this was the first time you have spoken it, verbally.

“Well, think of it this way,”

You sniffle, eyes watery as they slowly move upwards to catch his gaze. To blatant surprise, he’s staring right at you.

“Sometimes, people walk into your life for a good reason, and walk out of it for a good reason. Same with things, places—you must take the good with the bad,”

He exhales, and a puff of cold air comes as he does so.

“If you are at your breaking point, y/n, then do not hesitate to talk about it. Whatever you need, that is why I am here. A ‘good cry’, as you call it, may suffice as well.”

You nod, pulling his hand tighter so you leaned on the upper part of his arm.

“Promise me we’ll work on that?”

Most people, in times of urgent desperation, would make the decision to allow the other to solve it for themselves, with necessary assistance.

Lafayette says ‘we’. He insists on seeing you through this, together, and it wells something else in your chest as you can’t help the smile that comes to your face.

Still staring at the sidewalk though, you wouldn’t see it, the look Gilbert gives you. His heart actually skips a beat, he thinks, just watching your smile that had disappeared for so long.

It’s a huge relief to see it back, and you have no idea what it does to him.

“Thank you.”

You whisper, picking at your coat buttons with your unoccupied hand. Gilbert shakes his head, and mumbles something about ‘anytime’ before he waves his hand dismissively.

“If it’s alright with you,”

You start warily, eyes finally able to move off the ground.

“I’d like to go back, I’d hate to waste dinner,”

He sends you that award-winning smile, nodding happily as you begin to walk back home.

“Of course,”

There’s a lapse of silence.

“Oh, and one more thing, y/n?”

He asks, just when you reach the steps.

“Mhm?”

“I love you,”

Your lips twitch upwards.

“I love you too.”

[spnhunter4life]

Two B

Summary: Dean knows just how to help on a bad day. 

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: I mostly wrote this for myself as something to hopefully help cheer me up on bad days, but I figured there might be some people out there who would appreciate it too, so I decided to go ahead and post it. I wasn’t sure how to tag this since there is no mention of names, so I just decided to tag it as both x reader and x original character. You choose which you’d prefer it to be. Like I said, I mostly wrote this for me, so it’s my preferences in there, but I hope others will enjoy it too. If it helps even one person feel better on a hard day, then it’s worth sharing.

Masterlist

It was four in the afternoon and I was in my room, laying in bed, staring at the wall. The stuffed horse I’d gotten as a young child and still used for comfort on hard days was clutched to my chest. It was one of those days where there was literally nothing wrong – I wasn’t sick, there was nothing currently stressing me out and there wasn’t any sort of incident that would have upset me – but I was just depressed. 

I hated days like this. Days when I desperately wanted to do something, anything, but I couldn’t find anything that sounded worth doing. Sometimes I might manage to think of something to do and feel so relieved, but in the process of starting whatever it was, I would lose all interest in it. I usually ended up laying in bed trying to come up with something to do and getting more and more depressed as I failed. 

I was pointlessly running through a list of movies again, hoping I’d come up with something that would spark my interest, when there was a knock on the door.

“Hey, sweetheart. How’re you doing?” Dean asked, peeking his head in.

I just shrugged, fighting back the tears that threatened to start at his concern.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he said, walking into the room and sitting on the bed next to me. He started running his hand through my hair, a gesture that he knew I enjoyed. “When Sam said he hadn’t seen you, I figured you were having a rough day.”

Dean had been gone when I got up this morning. When I’d woken up feeling down and knowing I was in for a long day, I’d gone in search of him. But his room was empty. And then I’d remembered he had plans to see an old friend who was passing through. 

“One or two?” He asked when I didn’t answer. 

“Two,” I answered, still managing to hold back the tears. Barely.

This was a sort of shorthand we’d developed over the years of knowing each other. It should have been unsurprising, but I’d still been touched beyond words when Dean had suggested this form of communication. He’d noticed a recurring pattern on my bad days.

One meant I wanted to be left alone. I was avoiding people and just needed some time to myself. I’d get over it on my own. It usually meant I had just spent too much time around people and needed to recharge.

Two meant I wanted company. I didn’t want to be left alone. I wanted the comfort of someone else’s presence. Dean is the one I usually wanted on these days. He was also always the one to notice and more than happy to oblige.

“Okay. Good. A or B?”

“B,” I told him even though it was unnecessary. He knew I wouldn’t have needed the shorthand if it was an A day. 

A meant that I was just feeling a little down and would appreciate him being with me. I would tell him what I wanted to do on these days. 

B meant I wasn’t up for decision making. I wanted to do something, but I needed him to pick for me. I’d be willing to do anything as long as I didn’t have to be the one to make the decision. It meant I either just didn’t know what to do – as was usually the case – or if I did have an idea, I wasn’t willing to voice it.

I wasn’t good about letting them know my thoughts on things on a good day. I usually left decisions like where to eat or what movie to watch to the boys, even if I had an opinion. On a day like today? Well, there was a reason we developed the shorthand. Because I didn’t like to talk much on these days either, and without the simple one word answers, I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to tell him what I needed from him. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he soothed as a tear managed to escape. “I’m sorry I was gone today.”

I wiped the tear away but didn’t say anything, unable to without risking falling into uncontrollable sobbing.

“Did you eat anything today?” He asked. 

I shook my head. Figuring out what food I wanted to eat was as painful a process as trying to find something to do. So I just didn’t eat.

“Okay,” he sighed, undoubtedly not surprised by the news, but still not happy about it. “I’m going to get you something to eat. I want you to get How To Train Your Dragon ready to go while I’m gone.”

It was one of my favorite movies. I’d considered watching it several times today and rejected the idea each time. But Dean was here now, and I was relieved to have a direction to go in. I nodded and sat up. Before he left, he wrapped his arms around me and pressed a lingering kiss to the top of my head. I hugged him back, loving the safety and comfort I felt in his arms. I never wanted to let go. 

He started to pull away a couple minutes later and I hugged him tighter.

“I’ll be right back,” he assured me. 

I wanted to tell him to stay, that I didn’t need food. But I was actually really hungry and I knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer. And I knew he would sit with me when he got back. 

Sighing, I got up and started looking through the handful of movies I owned. I quickly found How To Train Your Dragon and put it in the DVD player. I skipped through all the ads until I got to the menu screen and then just listened to the music as I waited for Dean.

He came back a few minutes later with a sandwich, a bag of chips, and a glass of water on a tray.

“Here you go, sweetheart,” he said.

He set the tray on my lap and then stretched out beside me, putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his side. It made eating a little more difficult, but I didn’t care. I needed the closeness.

Dean took the remote from my hands and pressed play. I took a deep, contented breath and relaxed for the first time that day. It felt like my head had been held underwater and finally I was let up for breath. Dean just had a way of making everything better.

As we watched the movie, I ate the food Dean had brought me. The sandwich tasted so good, much better than it would have if I’d made it myself. I grabbed a handful of chips and set them on my plate before offering the bag to Dean. He accepted, but only ate a few before setting the bag on the floor, out of the way. Noting the empty plate, he set that on the floor too. I snuggled closer into his side and settled in to enjoy the movie.

“Thanks, Dean,” I said when it was over.

“No problem,” he replied. “You know I’m happy to do it. Now, Sam texted and said he made pizza. I’m going to go get some. Why don’t you put on that movie with your pretty boy captain while I’m gone,” he instructed.

I smiled, both at his pretending he couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of the movie – a title that was extremely easy to remember even if he didn’t like it, which he did – and the fact that he was calling Steve a pretty boy. If I was feeling better, I might have been tempted to make a comment about how Dean was much prettier.

Instead, I just asked, “Which one?”

“Uh… the first one,” he decided. Then he stood up, grabbed the dishes and chips from my earlier meal, and left to get his own food. I searched my shelf for Captain America: The First Avenger. 

Dean came back before I had made it to the menu, bringing a whole pizza with him.

“Hungry?” I asked.

He smiled at the little bit of teasing.

“Just wanted to make sure there was plenty if you wanted some,” he told me.

“I’m ok. Thanks,” I said.

“You might change your mind later,” he replied. He settled himself on the bed again, holding his arm up in invitation. I leaned into him.

“C’mon,” Dean said when we’d finished that movie too, standing and heading for the door. 

“Where are we going?” I asked as I followed.

“Outside. It’ll be good for you to stretch your legs and get some fresh air,” he said, snatching a blanket off the back of a chair as we walked by. “And we can watch the sunset. I know you love that.”

It was beautiful out. The temperature was perfect, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and the sun was just starting to set. We walked a few laps around the bunker before Dean stopped us on the west side and spread the blanket he’d been carrying out in the grass.

We sat beside each other, legs stretched out in front of us, leaning back on our hands. We probably sat there for an hour, just watching the sky change colors. It was a gorgeous sunset, full of vibrant pinks and purples.

“How are you doing?” Dean asked when the colors faded and the sky started turning dark. I was getting a little chilly as the temperature slowly dropped for the night. But I knew that’s not what he meant.

“I’m ok,” I told him. And I meant it. I was feeling a lot better. Dean always made things better. 

“Good. I’m glad,” he said, standing up and offering me his hand. I took it and let him pull me to my feet. He reached down for the blanket and shook the grass off before wrapping it around me.

“What do you say we go watch Winter Soldier?” He asked. I smiled.

Even though I was feeling better, I wasn’t quite ready to let him go. I was feeling a little clingy and snuggling with him through another movie sounded perfect.

“Okay,” I agreed. 

Back in my room, we started our third movie of the night and I thoroughly enjoyed the way Dean tucked me into his side and ran his hand up and down my arm. About halfway through the movie I noticed my eyes drifting shut. I hated to miss the movie, but I realized I was exhausted. So I didn’t fight it. I fell asleep curled up against Dean, feeling safe and warm and loved.

[bluemoondust]

✧General Yandere Headcanons✧ — Gym Leader Grusha

Ao3 Request: I'd love to see Grusha headcannons. He already lost his career to his injury, he wouldn't want to lose his darling too.

Warning(s): Possessive Behavior, Overprotective Behavior, Gaslighting/Manipulation, Talk of Near Death Experience (Not with Darling), Attempted Murder

Grusha never really thought he'd feel this way after his perception of the world changed that one fateful day. Life really seemed to enjoy taking a turn on him, huh? He initially thought it was a simple crush that he may grow out of sooner or later. He kinda hoped it did. Don't take it offensively, he absolutely adores you as of now, but Grusha wasn't fully on board when he realized that these feelings weren't so innocent. It's just that he truly believed life wanted to screw with him again when he pinpointed his yandere traits. Are you for real? We can't have nice things apparently...

So he tries to suppress the feelings and even avoid you. He's got gym work to do, maybe he can hang out another time. Grusha puts the excuse that his position as a Gym Leader is crucial since it's what he has left. Sigh, don't look at him like that. This will only last until things pass on and he moves forward from this. Surprise, surprise. It didn't. This makes Grusha frustrated and now he has to deal with what he's feeling, giving him some time to actually put thought into it. A horrible decision that'll get you in the end, honestly.

The whole reason why Grusha couldn't allow himself to gain further feelings for you is because of fear. He is afraid of having something/someone that would truly make him happy again (like back then...) only for the world to take that away. Now that he's thought this through, Grusha has come to the conclusion that he's had enough. You've become someone he wants to desperately hold dearly. So, he is going to do whatever it takes to prevent losing you. He can't allow for anything to happen like last time.

So Grusha is an overprotective and possessive yandere to put it simply. He's automatically on you whenever you're visiting Glaseado Mountain, since, duh, it gets dangerous out there in the cold and you could get injured. Or worse. You don't immediately see anything wrong with his concern/warnings since he is right, there's no arguing with him on that subject. It would only get concerning if he suddenly prevented you from going anywhere else in the mountains unless he's supervising you. He's careful with his actions, but there are times where he kind of treats you like you don't know any better. Force of habit, really. I mean, you can't get too ahead of yourself in life, darling, or else the fall will only just hurt even more.

As for his more possessive traits, Grusha gets...passive aggressive with certain people. Rivals annoy him to no end but the possibility of you choosing someone else over him scares him. So, he's just projecting onto those people with his comments. You at first believe it's just sarcasm or that Grusha is in a bad mood, but if you decide to read into it, you'll be able to tell. Catching him mid comment is frustrating to deal with as he comes up with an excuse. For some reason, you always end up being the one falsely accusing him of being too judgmental. However it's fine, he always forgives you.

In all honesty, yeah, this makes him a little more selfish but he could care less. Life has this funny thing of just taking and taking, which Grusha is fed up with. So now it's his turn to take. Back then, he was too weak willed to push himself back up again. Not anymore. Forgive him, but Grusha is just bitter and taking that out on others. Which explains why he throws passive aggressive comments towards rivals and spouts how you don't know better sometimes. One of the things he doesn't want to appear is clingy around you because of this need to keep you around. It'd be so uncool...seeing him all needy for your presence and attention.

Is he a danger? To others, if given the chance, yeah. Grusha would be a-okay if any rival would be put off by his sarcasm and cynical/pessimistic attitude, but if they're persistent...it gets annoying really fast. The worse thing the person can do is confront him, shout at him even, and that determines what Grusha must do. Sigh, it seems like this person needs a reminder of how cruel the world can be.

You don't hear from them again as you're only informed that they had gotten themselves into an accident, leading to hypothermia and asphyxiation...they can't seem to remember how it even happened (apparently hypothermia has chances of memory loss/amnesia, depending on how severe it is). Grusha mentions that they must of been hit by an avalanche or something. He gives his regards, pointing out how these things happen due to how dangerous the mountains are. This honestly gives more weight to what he has been telling you since the beginning. You really can't be too careful, darling.

[theerurishipper]

What Marinette did at the end of season 5 is dangerous lesson to internalize to young children because if people are dissecting and going deeply in depth with s5 episodes like Derision and the final two parter episode and mind you these are adults or at least pass the age intended for this show demographic how are young kids living similar lives to adrian or chloe going to be affected? Kids brats or not react differently the whole good victim mentality narrative in this show is disgusting when it comes to the topic of akumas and how it relates to mental health. Like if there is a chloe or adrien child watching this show I feel horrible for them because what hope or closure do they really get from this show what lesson imparted in this show is actually being taught in goodwill like did the producers or whoever behind it not see how bad the messaging with their abuse apologist is how are parents not complaining or at the very least concerned?

I was whirl-winded by the finale in of itself and what I got was Marinette essentially following through with the villains plan and keeping it from her love interest while simultaneously gaslighting about his father decisions and making the parent abuser a hero and his victim Adrien in awe.

If adults are trying to rationalize or do whatever they can to scrap whatever integrity left in Marinette character decisions making theories to salvage the wreckage done in the finale two-parter how are children or middle-schoolers rationalizing this because I deeply sincerely hope they don't ever internalize anything from this show the message they impart especially in one of the episodes revolving from Chloe Father especially and the leak episodes they eventually had to scrap because of the backlash is so damn bad.

Like forget the potential what if or canons or annoyance the fandom didn't get their wants with this show because ultimately the show is for kids not them what lesson do we learn here?

I am actually worried. This is a magical girl cartoon aren't the lesson they're supposed to invoke about to teach love and their is hope to change like Digimon for instance they had a character named Ken and Daiki encouraging him and his belief in the mc made him changed so much into a better person. But no, instead Marinette being like Chloe can never change there is no hope from her mouth makes me want to wrangle the writers and people behind it I hope they aren't parents because wtf? Who behind the decisions there for children to consume this sort of trash messaging in forgiving abuse apologist like Gabe.

She's supposed to be a role model but no instead Astruc uses her as a tool to spout whatever grievances he has with the fandom onto the show and characters inside it especially Chloe. I really don't recommend a show like MLB to anyone honestly unless they are aware of this show dumb messaging and people buying into it.

Exactly. It's so obvious that Marinette just ended up becoming a mouthpiece for the writers to spout their own opinions towards the end, like having her go on numerous anti-Chloe tirades. And I'm not saying that Chloe doesn't deserve to be called out, but it's done so unnaturally, and it feels like the writers are just desperate to get us to hate her without acknowledging any of the character depth they gave her.

And I'm not a Chloe stan or anything, and I do think that it's okay to show that sometimes, people can't change and that victims of abuse can become abusers themselves. But we didn't get that. We got the show telling us, in no uncertain terms, that Chloe is bad because she's evil inside and not because of abuse that we see on screen, and that her father who enabled her and taught her how to be this way is a victim and is more redeemable than her. The fuck is this???

And it just gets worse, because Chloe is evil inside and irredeemable and deserves more abuse as her comeuppance, but the magical terrorist/child abuser gets off scott-free? Gabriel Agreste gets what he wanted and dies happy and content while leaving behind a favorable legacy? What the fuck?

So yeah. I feel bad for the abused children who are watching this show, who are being told that their abuse doesn't matter, that they are just being overly sensitive/are evil inside, and only deserve more abuse. What a wonderfully horrible message.

Thank you for your ask!

[theresnosafeharbor4myships]

Fandom: Person of Interest, Careese Title: Not Alone

A/N: This takes place after the events of s1e19 Flesh and Blood. Carter can't seem to sit still after John safely returns Taylor to her, and she wants to see him.

Regardless of the fact that Elias sat behind bars and HR had slunk back into the woodwork, adrenaline kept Carter on edge hours after her work day ended. Taylor slept soundly, the full day of decompressing having worn him out, but she couldn’t help checking in on him every so often amidst straightening the couch cushions, loading the dishwasher, wiping down the already clean kitchen counters, folding the clothes she’d had to put on a de-wrinkle cycle, and pacing around the house like a trapped feral cat waiting for release. She couldn’t help it; her mind wouldn’t quiet.

She’d stood her ground, refusing to give up the dons for the life of her son. She felt the guilt and failure of that; how could she not? What kind of mother wouldn’t do anything, give up anything or anyone, for her child? But Elias had never acted impulsively, which she knew bought her some time. And more than that, she’d trusted John to get Taylor back. He’d confirmed her beliefs and strengthened her conviction of doing what was right by agreeing that she couldn’t let Elias have the dons and promising she wouldn’t have to make a decision—a non-decision, really—between the two. She hadn’t been alone, no matter what Elias thought. Despite her constant refusal to answer his calls, John had saved her life yet again, then swooped in and snatched her son out of the grasp of the most notorious crime boss in Manhattan. The man was a walking miracle, as far as it concerned her. 

She let the refrain bounce around her tired but wired brain: I’m not alone, I’m not alone. She knew now she couldn’t go it alone, even if she sometimes hated John’s methods. It was those very methods that had allowed her to hug her son this morning, had her still breathing fresh air. Her job was too dangerous, her son too precious, her life always on the line. And John had a knack for rescuing people, even helping her protect the dons they both knew deserved the chair for their heinous crimes, because, as much as he had to take lives at times, he valued them too, desperate to give people a second chance, to do what was right. The end justifying the means.

He’d saved her in more ways than one, giving her that bag full of weapons without her asking so she could better protect herself against Elias and HR. Brought her son to her, alive and unharmed—and him a new fan of the “badass” she worked with. The desperation in his voice as he’d promised to get Taylor back, the conviction in his tone, had wrapped her heart in both anguish and hope.

She suddenly felt frantic to see him. She’d missed him, she could admit to herself. She’d had good reason for her anger and frustration and ignoring his calls, but it hadn’t stopped her from wanting to talk to or help him.

I need to see you, she texted him before she changed her mind. It was a bad idea, she knew, inviting John over here when she felt this agitated and wired. But she couldn’t care at the moment. After everything they’d been through, she needed him near right now.

She continued cleaning and pacing and checking on Taylor, some of her frenetic energy finally wearing off, until, about twenty minutes later, a quiet knock sounded on her back door and relief flooded her. She nearly ran to open it and instantly stepped back as John barged in, almost running her over. 

“You and Taylor okay, Carter?” he asked tensely, eyes alert as he glanced around the quiet apartment behind her. 

When she didn’t answer, his gaze settled on her, and she launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck as he caught her in his embrace. He was solid and strong and knew the toll of what they’d just been through. More than that, she trusted him. With her life and that of her son. 

“Hey,” he murmured gently against her hair.

Her eyes closed tightly against the thoughts of how differently today could have turned out, and she held on to him instead, borrowed his strength, took the solace he offered. She could feel his breathing, slow and steady, the muscular wall of him a comfort she reveled in, one arm around her waist, the other around her back with a hand at her nape as he held her.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For saving me. For bringing Taylor back to me.”

“I’d give my life to protect you, Joss. You and Taylor.” His voice came softly, filled with promise and emotion, and the words reverberated through her like a siren song. She slowly pulled away to look at him, this guardian angel of hers, and the air shifted around them, full of tension and longing. It suddenly felt hard to breathe. 

She found him attractive, had since she’d peered up at him in that diner, but standing this close to him, smelling the faint scent of his cologne, seeing the question—and desire?—in his piercing gaze, feeling the strength of him as he held her, his biceps tensing under her hands, it all overwhelmed her. 

His gaze flicked from her eyes to her lips, and she moved towards him again, slowly this time, rising up on tip toes to kiss him as he bent his head to meet her. His lips were still cool from the night air, but he set her aflame as his mouth moved with hers, not demanding or aggressive, but tentative and slow and so sensual it nearly drove her mad.

He was so opposite of her, his gentleness in stark contrast to the pent up agitation that had fueled her only moments ago, his rogue tendencies versus her need for by-the-book actions, his light coloring against her brown skin, his towering height and her average stature, his emotions held in check, hers often on her face. His slow and sultry kisses when she wanted to devour him.

She needed more, wanted more, and she slid her arms back around his neck as he cinched his arms around her waist, holding her more firmly against him and altogether differently this time. His tongue met hers, and she couldn’t stop the moan that escaped her. 

As a man of few words, John’s responsive groan into her mouth spoke volumes, sending a pleasant shiver down her spine, and it ached a few moments later when he eased away from her.  The temperature in the room had increased—or maybe it was just her—but she felt a blush on her cheeks. 

“When I texted, I just wanted to...see you, to thank you,” she felt compelled to explain. “I didn’t intend…” She left the sentence hanging, unsure what else to say. She’d never imagined she’d end up kissing him. 

“There’s no payment required, Joss,” he assured her in that slow, controlled, teasing manner of his, his face a mask once again.

How did he remain so unaffected while an inferno raged within her? He was offering her an exit, a way to simply blame this indiscretion on the emotions of the day, but it was so much more than that. All they’d dealt with the past 24 hours acted as the catalyst, but this pull between them had started from the moment they met and she’d seen something more beneath the grubby exterior of a homeless man. He hid behind a different costume now, albeit a much more charismatic one, but her fascination with him had only grown. She needed him to know it. 

She stared at him intently, refusing to take the out or look away from him. “That’s not what this is, John,” she stated matter-of-factly. “Not for me.”

He peered at her for a few moments without saying anything, and she saw him swallow hard, sensing an internal war behind those beguiling eyes. Her heart beat wildly in her chest. What the hell had gotten into her, upsetting the delicate balance they’d only just reestablished? 

Suddenly, his expression softened, and he brushed her hair back over one shoulder before cupping her cheek. He kissed her gently, lingering just enough to tease her into wanting more before he pulled away.

“If I’d have known you’d kiss me for saving your life, I could’ve come over the first time,” he quipped.

She tried not to smile, his sardonic humor chasing her apprehension away. “I’d have arrested you back then.”

His eyebrows rose, and he gave her a small, flirty smile.

She huffed a laugh. “Shut up and kiss me.”

“I didn’t say anything,” he stated in mock defense.

“Why would you, when there’s so many better things you can do with your mouth?” 

“You’re so right, Detective,” he drawled, an amused glint in his eyes. And he started them by kissing her again.

Also on Ao3 here

[misccy27]

I want to talk about something that happens in Thanks to Them that has been haunting me lately.

Nobody wants to talk about it (and I know why and I'll get to that) but I want to talk about it anyway so just here me out.

I like the fact that Hunter locks Flapjack up in Thanks to Them.

I don't mean that I like that he does it. I just mean that I like that it happened.

Because Hunter was so, so brainwashed before Hollow Mind. It's hard to remember sometimes because of how much he changes after Hollow Mind, but.

Hunter was extremely isolated growing up. He was raised in a cult by the manipulative sadist his life was centered around. That is going to have some lingering effects.

Hunter is very good at adapting to changes in his environment and mirroring the behaviors of those around him. But no matter how good his intentions are and how much he's trying, it just isn't possible for him to unlearn his entire belief system overnight. Like, that was his entire life.

And it's one thing to learn that Belos is and always has been evil. But it's an entirely separate task to then have to go through any given belief that he grew up with and internalized, recognize the problem(s) with that belief, and replace it with something healthier. And that's essentially all of his beliefs that he has to do this with.

And he is doing it! Hunter is doing a great job. But it's going to be a patchwork process of observing his friends' behaviors and the healthier relationships adults are modeling for him. (This is one thing that therapy could help with; consciously recognizing and addressing problematic beliefs before he inadvertently acts on them).

But some things just won't come up, at least not within the first few months.

Which brings me back to the scene in Thanks to Them.

It gets to me so much. Because it is one of the very few less sympathetic ways that the show allows Hunter's lingering abuse symptoms to manifest. But they included it, and there are so many things that could be said about it. For example:

It has parallels to Any Sport in a Storm,

where Hunter locks up his friends because he wants them to join the Emperor's Coven.

It also has parallels to Eclipse Lake,

where Belos tries to keep Hunter isolated in the castle with the excuse of keeping him safe.

There are other things that could be discussed. Other things that I desperately wanted to see with this scene. For example, I really wanted one of Hunter's friends to see this happening and to tell Hunter, hey, this isn't okay. Because Hunter is very stubborn pre-HM, but HM really rips the rug out from under him on everything, so I just want to see how he reacts to people he now trusts telling him that he's doing something wrong. Would he defer to them immediately? Does he have trouble trusting his own judgment now? Would he feel guilty about doing something bad? Would he feel worse about not knowing that it was bad when he did it?

But we'll never know, because no one catches Hunter doing this. We also don't get to see Flapjack getting out of the cage. I'm assuming Hunter is the one who let Flapjack out after him and Luz don't find any evidence of Belos, but we don't actually see him make that decision. Flapjack is just... not in the cage a few scenes later.

Which means that this scene serves no function in the plot. It doesn't actually change the way things play out. It is only here to inform us that, yes, Hunter does indeed still have some concerning misconceptions about the way the world works and how he should treat his loved ones.

Which, fine. Great. I understand the Shortening, I get it, I will happily take my crumbs. Except:

The narrative proves Hunter right.

And that, I'm guessing, is the reason that no one likes to talk about this scene.

Because Flapjack is brutally murdered like 20 minutes after this scene takes place.

He is murdered by Belos using Hunter's own hand. It is just. The worst-case scenario.

So the order of events is: Hunter locks Flapjack up, and he thinks he is doing the right thing because he is doing it to keep Flapjack safe. Flapjack is then out of the cage just in time to be murdered.

And again, this scene could have been removed entirely without affecting the plot at all. But since it did stay in, with the events playing out the way that they did, what actually happens is that the narrative reinforces Hunter's problematic behavior. You were right, Hunter! Guess you should have locked that cage up tighter, you sad child!

So, yeah, I do love the scene for confirming that Hunter didn't just instantaneously unlearn everything. But I hate it in the context of the narrative. And if it were up to me, I would have kept this scene in and removed the plot of Flapjack getting murdered, for a variety of reasons. But that's a different topic.

Anyway, I don't expect this scene to become relevant again in the finale. I think it's just another dropped thread. But if it does come up again, then at this point I will accept nothing less than a frame-by-frame recreation of Zuko locking up Mai in the Boiling Rock but with huntlow. No one calls him out on it, the narrative reinforces it, it is actually a good thing this time because Hunter's now a ✨hero✨

[kelpiemomma]

Thinking about Khan and how he doesn't wake up from nightmares the way people might expect. He doesn't explode from them, swinging and breathing flame in defense. He doesn't wake up screaming.

He wakes up silent. And it's only if you're paying attention that you'll know he's awake. His eyes might open - but with his poor vision, it's not like he can truly see where he's at - and he might draw in a sudden breath. But it's the fact that he stops breathing that's the Sign. It's the way he suddenly goes quiet. Not that he snores or sleeps loudly anyway, but there is one less person making noise in the night.

Ingo isn't often awake when this happens. Very rarely, in fact, because Khan has nightmares almost every night. It's nothing new. Most of the time he will breathe, eventually, and take in the scents of his surroundings. He will realize where he is and use it to ground himself. And if he can't, then he will get up and find something to do until he can pass out from exhaustion and wake up better.

But it happens a handful of times. Ingo is awake when Khan comes to. And sometimes he doesn't realize it, doesn't realize Khan is awake until Ingo himself is returning to bed and looks down as he passes Khan's cot to see his green eyes open and staring at nothing.

But this time he realizes. He's awake, for no real reason, just sitting and listening to the world around him. Akari is snoring after a long day of survey work, Khan is sprawled out on his cot, the nocturnal pokemon are calling to each other in the distance… It's peaceful. Ingo rests with his head on one hand, eyes shut and enjoying it while he can.

And then one sound disappears.

He doesn't realize it's Khan at first, spends a moment trying to figure out what's missing. Akari is still snoring. The pokemon are still calling. Khan sleeps quietly enough that Ingo has, on occasion, put his hand under his nose or over his mouth to ensure he's still breathing. And it's that, knowing how quietly Khan sleeps, that makes ingo realize that Khan's breathing is what missing. That Khan is making no noise at all.

Ingo gets up and goes over to check, because Khan may be a prickly bastard but by now he's Ingo's prickly bastard like Akari is Ingo's daughter, he's part of the family. And sure enough Khan is awake. Eyes open wide. Staring at nothing. Ingo is ready to return to his seat when he realizes Khan is- not breathing. There's a tension to him that is abnormal, despite his nightmares.

So Ingo stays, sits down by Khan's side, and gently touches his hand. Too much touch too fast will wind up with fists flying towards him, so he takes it slow. Khan's hand is a fist. Ingo asks if he's alright, but there's no response. Khan's chest hitches, his breath sporadic for a moment, before a sound like a whine makes its way out of his throat.

And that- is so out of the norm that Ingo is now concerned. He puts a hand on Khan's arm, on his neck, as he leans over to look in the other man's face. Maybe it's the light of the night, but Khan's eyes seem… Shiny.

And this is a bad one. It doesn't take a genius to know that this is far from average. That whatever Khan has just dreamt of has truly, deeply affected him. Ingo pulls him up, pulls him into a seated position, and directs Khan's face to his own neck. Scent is Khan's strong suit, after all, and the best way to help him realize where he's at. Ingo ignores how his shirt gets a little damp- tells himself, for Khan's sake, that Khan is just drooling.

And Khan does what he never does and wraps his arms around Ingo. There's a desperation there, something terrified, and Ingo knows that this isn't something he can do on his own.

"Do you want me to wake Akari up?" He asks, because it never hurts to offer a choice.

"She's asleep." Khan says, which isn't an answer. His voice is hoarse and shakey. Ingo makes the decision for him, then, and extracates himself from Khan. Khan's hands follow him, reaching out, and Ingo is grateful for the first time his home is so small because he can hold onto Khan's one hand while he uses the other to shake his daughter awake.

Akari's snores vanish and she opens one eye halfway, confused. "Dad?" She asks. Her voice is low and thick with sleep. "Whassups?"

"Khan needs our presence. Would you mind joining us?" He says. And it's not the whole truth, but Akari wakes up more. Khan does not, ever, need anything from them. He's like a stray animal, coming to them when he chooses, but fully able and willing to survive on his own. And maybe now he still doesn't need them. If Ingo hadn't been awake, Khan would have laid there until he decided what to do. But Khan isn't making choices for himself, and Ingo knows he needs grounding.

Akari stands and Ingo helps guide her over to where Khan is still sitting. He's turned now, his legs thrown over the side of the cot as he hunches over and stares at the ground. One hand is still in Ingo's.

Akari reaches out, touches his shoulder, and that whine breaks from Khan's throat again. He leans towards Akari, rests his head against her, and then drags her onto his lap. She wraps her arms around his neck because he is gripping her so, so tightly, holding her like she's his saving grace, like if he lets her go the world will end. His shoulders shudder.

Ingo sits next to them, sliding Akari's legs over his own, and leans into Khan's side. He wraps one arm around Khan and is surprised when Khan returns the gesture, releasing Akari with one arm to pull Ingo into his reach. He is not just holding them but clinging. Ingo wonders, but doesn't ask, what he had dreamed about to make him so desperate. Ingo turns into Khan, places his legs over the man's but under his daughter's, and leans into the hold. After a moment, Khan turns his head to shove his nose into Ingo's neck once more. Akari is pressed between them, still holding onto Khan as if her hug will fix him, and Ingo knows they will both stay here as long as Khan needs them, wants them, to.

[hummingbird-games]

Dev Diaries

October 1, 2023

My goodness, it's the first devlog post-Crushed release!! How did that happen???

And where the heck has 2023 gone?!?! 🙃

Okay, pausing--for like four seconds--on the sillies, I've got some updates for y'all, so have a seat and get comfy.

Crushed updated build is out!!!

Now with the rest of the partial voice acting!!!

It was a super fun experience with the VA and I giggled a lot to hear the words I wrote spoken into existence. I think the next project I work on with voice work will also be partial. However, I can't imagine doing a whole game with full voice work. I can feel the mental break down from that possibility making its descent....

The postmortem was longer than I anticipated it to be, so it shall be posted separately (and with a read more for your scrolling needs) sometime! I go into (more) details on my inspiration and the process from hesitant idea, to jam entry, to a full-blown game, and all the heartbreak and burnout and catharsis in between!

You can also search 'gamedev rambles' or 'crushed vn' where I've already blabbed about Development Tingz LOL.

2. The HBG Twitter account has been nuked.

Yeah. Apologies if this is how you're finding out about it. I honestly have no idea where my audience is located as y'all are a quiet (but supportive) bunch. But for me as a player, it hurts because many of my peers are only on or are most active on Twitter.

However, me and the bird app have been at odds for a while so I guess it was just a matter of time... 🥲

3. Game Jam Gemini Mode

Alright, time to get serious-serious. (HA!)

While I was Fighting The Good Fight concerning getting Crushed up before the summer ended, I started dropping hints about the next project I wanted to work on with Yuri Jam (and Once Upon A Time jam) coming up.

Well. After giving it some thought, forcing myself to pause long enough to breathe, catching up on personal reading and other things, and again, giving it more thought: nope.

I could ignore this decision which I hate and push on anyway, but the consequences are not ones I want to deal with, nor will I be physically able to handle. (Yes, this is a direct reference to my health lol).

My plan about this time was to start reaching out to people and create a team--given that I banged out a script at lighting speed just so I knew what roles I needed and was prepared. I'm still not sure where that burst of frenzied energy came from, but it's gone now.

And then in between making Crushed live and getting the first voiced update done, I started to feel really weird. Like "Hello, Anxiety My Old Friend" weird. And I kept berating myself for dragging my feet, especially as Yuri Jam (and OUAT) are so 'chill' and 'easy-going' and why was I still freaking out? What was wrong with me???

Anyway, once the last voiced update went live, it hit me how utterly exhausted I was. Still am(?) So it's insane to think I was somehow going to have enough energy to lead a whole ass team to create one more project before the year ends. Even if said project was under 5k words.

Even as I write this saying I'm done, a part of me keeping scheming up ways to make it work.

But I wouldn't be doing it for the right reasons anyway (i.e. feeling like I should participate in more jams because every other developer is and I'm a bad indie dev if I don't, and feeling this desperation to prove I can tell other kinds of stories. ahahahaha)

A L S O I am broke 😂 And money talks louder than anything else!! This was the year--and continues to be the year-- of medical expenses and emergencies so like...gotta recover from that too.

The Knight Dance (my short Yuri idea) shall return, but next year at the earliest. And who knows? It might benefit from me not working on it now. Or that's what I'm telling myself so my brain will chill.

4. Tackling Ko-fi

I keep saying I'm going to start putting content on ko-fi, or posts, or something, and I keep proving to be a liar. That ends soon!

I've been playing around with the idea of adding both content for subs and one-time donators as well as free content, these things all exclusive to ko-fi. So there's an incentive to you guys to visit and an incentive for me to keep up with it.

There's a lot to the world of HSD/Crushed that just didn't make it into the games, and probably won't for a while, and then there are drabbles and longer stories that would be fun to write and share for anyone who's curious.

Okay!!!

In conclusion!!!

Go play Crushed!! Go support some game Kickstarters!! Go support a Pateron/Ko-fi of your fave creator!! Go replay some games!!

And watch this space for the Crushed postmortem and my yearly games & demos wrap up!!

And maaaaaaaybe catch me on the sideblog where I embody the cringe gamer girl I truly am???

~ Gemini

[miss-writes-a-lot]

The Base History of Suzume Takami

So I got back into MHA again with Season 6 making its appearance on cable t.v., and that led to me falling into a dabihawks obsession. And like many people who have squeezed these two together, I chose to ignore canon for the most part, pretend what happened in the latest chapter didn't happen, and instead gave them a child and a sort of not realistic idealistic-ish fluff life.

And so here we are.

Quick disclaimer: this is simply for fun. Opinions/headcanons on certain characters are completely my own, so if you have one different to mine than that's fine. So

I have been planning on doing a 'Base history' for a different oc, but after the said becoming obsessed with MHA and dabihawks, she kind of took over my mind and a bit of my time. With that being the case, here's the base history/character profile of my dabihawks daughter, Suzume Takami

So I came up with Suzume after hanging out with my friend at a vintage clothing fair that was happening at a mall I used to frequent. I was already deep into my dabihawks and MHA fixation and there was just something about this one outfit I saw and an animatic I was playing on repeat spurred me into creating an alternative style/fairy grunge-ish character for them with a bit of a tech wear vigilante costume with the only name coming to mind being "Punk Hazard" (which I'm keeping because I like it).

After some searching for a proper name for like, 30 minutes, I settled on Suzume and then started working on a bio and art soon after. This that bio and art is at the end.

Here we go:

Name: Suzume Takami-Todoroki Aiuchi

Name Meaning: Suzume → Sparrow

Aiuchi → Love Inside

Vigilante Name: Punk Hazard

Age: 16

Quirk: Heated Glass —> Suzume can superheat and manipulate glass to her will (a la Cinder Fall Style).

Height: 5'9

Eye color: blue/gold gradient heterochromia (?)

Hair color: Ombre → Dark brown (dyed) blonde (traditionally)

Sexuality: Pansexual (with an AFAB lean)

Personality Snapshot: Mostly cool and fun-loving, almost to the point where you would never know she was a super anxious kid back there. Does her best to be a nice person. Adventurous and reckless. Fiercely protective over those she cares about and even sometimes strangers. Excitable. Hates sitting still. Very affectionate. Strong willed. Determined. Goofy. Kinda bad at lying.

Favorite foods: yogurt covered pretzels, chicken katsu sandwiches, microwave pizza

Favorite kind of music: rock and alternative

Hobbies: plays bass guitar/acoustic guitar, sings sometimes, cooking, glass blowing, writes sheet music, partying, exploring, climbing on shit.

(Short) Bio: Suzume Takami-Todoroki, born to the former villain Dabi and Number 2 Hero Hawks, has spent a majority of her life trying to be as normal and unbothered as possible. Her fathers, concerned for what could happen to her if anyone ever found out that they ever had her in the first place, hid her under the name Suzume Aiuchi up until she was 12-years-old when she was unceremoniously forced to come out by the public, leaving her in this point in her life where she felt like she had to make a decision on which path to follow – hero or villain?

She chose neither.

Instead, Suzume attends a normal high school with little to no interest in participating in any hero courses as to fall into either of the two boxes society wants to force her into. That is until a certain incident at a club (that she snuck out to go to) that she considers forging a new path for herself in order to protect the ones she loves and maybe – just maybe – finally bring the reform that's been desperately needed in this superhuman society.

Notable Relationships:

→Hawks/Keigo Takami & Dabi/Touya Todoroki

Suzume is quite close with her fathers. As a child, she spent most of her time with Touya given Keigo's hectic hero life and the fact that it was difficult for Touya to be out without someone recognizing him as the villain Dabi, but that doesn't mean either of them were ever super absent from her life. In fact, anytime Keigo came home, he'd make it his mission to spend as much time with her as possible. She loves them both dearly and would do anything for them, but she has some complex feelings surrounding her slightly turbulent childhood in that she feels bad for feeling upset about certain situations that happened as well as the general situation of being the daughter of a very notorious A-rank villain and a hero with blood on his hands. They never made her feel this way, but she doesn't voice her issues because she doesn't want to discredit their efforts in giving her a better life than they had.

→The Todoroki Family

Suzume has a pretty good relationship with most of the Todoroki Family, being very close with her cousins (wink wink) and her uncle Shouto who babysat her on short notice whenever he could, but does not have much of a relationship with Endeavor/Enji Todoroki. Touya made it very clear that he did not want Suzume anywhere near him and swore up and down that he would never see her to the point where he didn't even know she existed until a random encounter at the supermarket brought them together, but even then she did not have much contact with him. In short, her current opinion of him is negative. She sees him as the reason her dad (Dabi) fell down the path he did and she just hates how he was to his family. Anytime they cross paths, she avoids them as much as possible.

→ Aimi Aikuchi/Cupid

Aimi Aikuchi has been Suzume's best friend since childhood. She stuck up for her after her true identity was revealed, coming to her defense anytime someone tried to start shit. She's the lead singer/bassist of their yet to be named band and a lovecore themed hero in training by the name of Cupid. They are nearly inseparable, being basically glue at the hip. They support each other despite their different career choices and oftentimes help each other out whenever they happen to be in battle together. They are each other's day ones and will always be.

→ Reina Nanami

Reina is Suzume's quirkless other best friend whom she ends school with. She is a bit louder and rebellious than Suzume, often being the one to drag the trio into trouble. She loves partying, often putting in front of school and any other important activity that demands her attention. She feels insecure being quirkless and sometimes expresses a bit of jealousy that her two best friends are super powered but she is very loyal to the both of them. She plays keyboard and sometimes the drums in her band and was actually the one who suggested Suzume pick up an instrument since she loves music so much.

→ Ghost

(Currently under development) Ghost is a mysterious young hero that Suzume meets one night as Punk Hazard and she falls head over heels for. Ghost is very flirtatious with Suzume whenever they meet. Currently, neither of them know much about each other (mostly because their story – specifically Ghost's– is underdeveloped).

That's all I have for now! If you're interested in learning more about Suzume, feel free to comment, maybe send an ask? If not, that's cool. I'll just leave you with some concept art and final designs for our girl down below. Thanks for stopping by!

[annbourbon]

The terrifying concept of Eugenics for me at least is being self aware that YES, I was thinking like this for a long time.

And that I have to be glad of not being able to put into action my "best ideas" because I lack of power and money. That's when you see how the road to hell is plagued with good intentions.

Because I truly believed and part of me still believes that some people should not reproduce themselves in order to be happier. Or that teenagers need to be under chemics and insert on them microchips to be able to explore without consequences. Then again that would make it so easy for people who are into human trafficking or rapists to do bad stuff and get away with it more than what it already does. And it's really something that sickens me.

So as soon as eugenics entered in my vocabulary, I had a huge shock and had to revaluate everything in my mind: What gives me the right to decide over someone else's life? No, better like: What gives me the right to even think I know better than them? They are the ones living inside their own bodies. Their own minds. If I was like this, then I wouldn't be better than those who decide over who marries who just because they don't follow a certain idea, religion or sexual preference.

Then I wouldn't be different from the people who have decided to not allow for women to ger an abortion. Or better than those who had slaves, or denied permission for people to get educated.

See, the idea of eugenics for me it's really terrifying because of how easy it is to convince other people that is "for the greater good" or "for you to be well" and then remembering all those things media has done to brainwash society to make sure it fits the narrative. Because whatever reason someone else has for their body, it is enough for it to be valid. Because it is them deciding over their own. And what it concerns me it's that on the other extreme of this, is suicide. Who is also being manipulated as part of eugenics.

And how, why is eugenics still relevant, perhaps now more than ever? Because of all those trends and labels that have been online for a while now. Bambi eyes, siren eyes, BBL, waist that are covered by paper sheets because of its size. Chubby, skinny. And let's not even dive into plastic surgeries, or gen alpha obsession over Sephora and peelings.

No, it's not only gen Alpha. It's every generation that still, today in XXI century believes that they are ugly or unworthy of love because they do not fit certain standards. The idea that bullying and suicide rates are so high even now because of that same thing. And because we have never as consumers stopped to think about what we are feeding our brain with. That's why I keep insisting so much on people to not turn their brains off. Never. And to always strive to be a better version of yourself.

Because the worse thing of all is that it starts with simple things, things we consider to be innocent. That's why the more I see of this world the less I want to participate in it when things like saying hello to your uncle or being polite to a stranger in middle of the road can actually make a lot of damage to your psyche and survival. Or quite the contrary, because cooperation can also do wonders with a society.

So this is what Fit or Die stands for. It stands with how easy it is for people, everyone actually. To turn a beautiful idea, like love, beauty, or the need to belong, into something terrible that creates nothing but pain. With how difficult it is to completely erradicate it too. What I really strive for it's to create an accurate idea of how difficult it is sometimes to fit in this society. Hopefully I'll be able to recreate everything I have in mind and have a well developed, rounded idea. But right now I'm feeling an insane amount of pressure and I feel desperate to finish this off too. So it's a mix. I haven't give up, I'll keep working on it♡