#not really but i’m not risking ANYTHING

[rlimagi]

No Diggity [ Part I ]

Pairings: Paige Bueckers x actress!reader

Genre: one sided enemies to lovers, force proximity, romcom…

Synopsis: in which you are forced to work with the person who’d made it her life mission to get under your skin every single day of the week since you were in Middle School.

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A laugh rolls of your tongue effortlessly as the host, Jimmy Fallon cracks another one of his jokes, the audience laughed along.

“Okay, okay, enough of that!” Jimmy lets out a chuckle. “Let’s move back to you, oh what a great comeback you had. Coming back after so many years behind the scenes, if I’m correct- you took a huge break after entering High School?”

You nod, leaning against the sofa comfortably. “Yeah, I had a deal with my parents. They didn’t really want me to throw my education away, not to mention that they didn’t even want me acting in the first place…but uh, yeah. I spent all four years getting straight A’s, top of the class, valedictorian, you know just to get my parents to let me go back out.”

Jimmy claps along with the crowd. “That’s only very inspirational, education is definitely important, and valedictorian woah!”

“Yeah, I had to work hard for that one.” You chuckle, reminiscing about your no sleep days when you were cramping for exams.

“Speaking of working hard, your new movie!” Jimmy exclaims, bending down to pick a framed poster. “Earnestly has just grossed over 350 Millions dollars in the box office with a budget of only 15 million, now that is absolutely insane!

How does it feel to have your first movie- since entering adulthood, become such a big deal in the box office, and just a big deal overall?”

You shake your head, a grin spreading. “It’s surreal for sure! Honestly, my manager didn’t even want me to take this role. It was from a small and fairly new production company, the team hadn’t worked on any big names yet, but they sent me in the script and I was hooked.”

You pause to take it all in before continuing. “And I’m so glad I took the risk. I had fun like never before, my coworkers are all so talented and good people, it was just overall a positive environment. I ended up having so much fun filming it, and uh people seemed to really love it as much as I do too. No regrets, definitely.”

Jimmy nods, before leaning against his table. “And what do you think plays in the success of the film? Any specific reason?”

You think for a moment. “I think the world is just deprived of romcoms, I mean sure we’ve had a few romcoms here and there but nothing comparable to the 2000s. I think we’re all now in the reminiscing about the past sort of era, Earnestly definitely fills that void.”

“I agree wholeheartedly and I’m not just saying because you’re here, but no new romcoms have filled that place in my heart but then you came in and did your job. Watching you with your scene parter- Jenna Ortega, was insane, you guys had so much chemistry!”

“Thank you, that means a lot.” You smile, shifting in your seat. “And yeah, Jenna she’s great and is literally best friends with everyone on the set. She definitely made my job a lot more easier.”

 “Now, I’m sure roles are rushing to your feet- may we get an idea of what kind of role would you take on next? Another romcom? Or maybe horror, we know you’re a diverse actor.”

“Thank you, but honestly I can’t say anything right now- not because I’m prohibited or anything but uh…I just want it to be a mystery. It’ll be surprising for sure.”

“Awe don’t be such a tease, can’t we get a least a small tiny info on it? I’m sure everyone is dying to know.” Jimmy says and the audience bursts into shouts of agreement with the host.

“Oh wow, the energy.” You laugh before shaking your head. “Alright, I guess I can give you small little hints…umm think, desire, heat, game on.”

“Oh, wow okay. That’s a strong concept, this could go many ways. Romance, thriller, maybe even something like fast and furious- car racing!?”

“Umm, sure…” You give out an unsure smile.

“You don’t look too sure.” Jimmy eyes you suspiciously.

The interview goes on normally and by the end of it, you’re exhausted from all the energy you put into it. You head a great time, but working way too early in the morning makes your body drain out faster than any other time could.

“Please, please, tell me I have nothing left for the day.” You lay your head against the neck rest of the car seat, spreading your legs and arms out like a starfish.

Your manager, also honorary big sister shakes her head. “Nope, you’ve got an WNBA game to attend. Sponsored by the big dog, Nike themselves. Plus, it would benefit you to learn from actual professionals.”

“Please never, ever, say that word ever again.” You groan, cringing at the word she used. Alexandria was such a millennial, it hurts your soul every time she uses phrases cringy phrases unironically.

“You’re such a hater, or should I say an opp?” Alex continues, you are sure she’s just doing it to get a reaction out of you now.

“Oh, so you’re converting to the new gen now? Please, stop. I beg.”

Alex laughs directly at your face before she raises your hands up in surrender. The car ride goes on silently, usually it would be filled with music blasting and you guys would be singing, but whenever you had an early schedule, silent rides is preferred.

You sit on the court side, scanning through the faces of the players as they’re ready to start the match. To be honest, you don’t watch basketball. Not because you don’t respect the game, but more like someone in your past had made you totally avoid it.

So, here you are cluelessly sitting as everyone around you is busying themselves, chattering about the game and what not. Even Alexandrea had left you to talk with the group of girls sitting beside you guys.

“Uh, excuse me?” One of the girls from the group that Alex had been talking to, left her friends and approaches you.

“Hello.” You chuckle, finding the flushing on her face amusing.

“Sorry, to bother you but I’m such a huge fan. You’re literally one of my crushes and gosh, you are so much more beautiful in real life- I’m sorry for rambling on like this but Alex told me to come and say hi.” The teenager rambles on, her face growing more red by the second.

“Awe, thank you! And you’re not bothering me, don’t worry I was getting lonely here. Also, what’s your name?” You grin, gesturing her to sit down with you and the girl almost screeched.

“I’m Angelina, but my friends call me Angie!”

“Well then Angie- can I call you Angie?” You pause, before continuing when the teenager nods her head. “Okay Angie, care to explain how the game works? I don’t really watch basketball.”

"Okay, so this will be a match between the Dallas Wings and the Las Vegas Aces, it's only a preseason game but still is fun to watch.” Angelina pauses to make sure you’re following along, you nod. “Each team starts with five players, but as the game goes on you'll see that some will get benched, so that other players get a chance to play.”

When the game starts, Angelina is still explaining the basics to you and you are grateful. To be frank, you only know they make shots and when it goes in, they score but your knowledge ends there.

You are actively paying attention to the players up until you notices someone familiar, a face that you can’t quite pinpoint to. But then your eyes meet with her, number 5, Bueckers.

Paige fucking Bueckers.

She is blonde now which made it uneasy for you to remember your middle school arch nemesis at first, but she still hold that stupid smug little smirk on her lips that you can recognize anywhere.

Angelina notices your staring and a bigger grin grows on her face. “Ooh, that’s Paige Bueckers you’re looking at- also my wife, but you’re my first wife don’t worry.”

You tear your eyes away from the athlete, your face morphing into a look of disbelief as you look at the younger girl. “You’re like- what 16? How many wives do you have?”

“I’m 17, and too many.” Angelina smiles sheepishly, wavering her hands to brush it off. “Anyways, Paige is from UConn which is literally my dream school-“

“Do you actually want to go there or you just want to because she went there?” You tease, causing the girl to slap your arm.

Angelina glares at you before replying. “I do actually want to, UConn has the best basketball programs and the coaches have been coming to my games. It’s all good.”

“Don’t forget me when you become famous.” You add with a cheeky smile.

Angelina shakes her head, a smile spreading. “Of course not, I’d even make sure to dedicate every single one of my wins to you!”

“You’re too sweet.”

“Thanks! My mother tells me that everyday. Anyway- back to Paige, she’s the most sought after college player in her draft class which is how she got into her team, Dallas got the first pick and Paige was the number one recruit so there’s that.” Angelina rambles on before taking a sip of her drink. “Honestly, I wanted her in the Valkyries but we digress.”

“She sounds like a big deal.” You say, but you are slowly dying inside. You are trying to keep your words to yourself with all the things you have to say about Paige Bueckers.

The same girl who made an enemy out of you in the 6th grade when she threw a basketball at your face and never apologized, the girl who targeted you during dodgeball and made it her life mission to taunt you all through middle school to high school.

Yeah, that Paige Bueckers who you swore you’ll never get to see again after graduation but here you are, five years later sitting in one of her games.

The girl sitting beside you nod in agreement. “She is a big deal, honestly if it weren't for her injury back in college she would've been even bigger. But it's all good because she's going to make history, I'm sure of it."

You watch as the said player gain possession of the ball and dribbles it over to the line, tailed by two other players before she jumps and make the point against the defending of three players.

It was pure art and you can’t even deny it as much as it pains you to.

“That’s my wife!” Angelina jumps out and shouts while you hide your face from the people who looked over.

Fortunately, the Wings lost and the light inside you brightened up a little as you happily sip the last of your drink, getting ready to get home to enjoy the embrace of your bed and your puppy, Jam.

“Awe, I guess this is the end. I’m so glad you allowed me to spend time with you!” Angelina smiles solemnly as she hugs you.

You return the hug and a smile with it. “I had so much fun sitting next to you too and your rambles. Hey, how about we keep contact? I want to make sure you’ll keep your promises.”

“Oh em gee! Yes! Of course, here’s my instagram.” Angelina hands over her phone and after you exchanged contacts, you both went your separate ways.

You are about to leave the court when Alexandrea comes back and pulls you by your shoulder. “Not so fast, kid.”

“You’re like only six years older.” You scoff, crossing your arms. “And why exactly am I not allowed to go and enjoy the comfort of my bed and newborn?”

“Y/n, your dog is not a human child and he is not a newborn. Plus, six years is a lot of years which makes it acceptable for me to call you kid since you act like one, and there’s just someone I’d like you to meet.” Alexandrea snarks back and taps on your shoulder.

“Remember when I told you I arranged for a player to be sort of your mentor since you’ve gotta start learning how to play?”

You eye her suspiciously as you guys start to walk dangerously to close to the players, or more specifically Jersey number 5. “Yeah…?”

“Well, my good friend is on the team- well actually my little sister’s friend but we’re connected so who cares about the details.” Alexandrea waves it off and you start to grow a little on edge as you start to get closer to the player. “You’ll see.”

"Hey, Paige! It's so nice to see you again.” Your manager grins as she and the tall woman dab each other up.

You are completely stone cold, you’re pretty sure your blood had stopped circulating by then. Of course it had to be fucking Paige Bueckers.

"Aye, you too Alex.” Paige grin, before her eyes averted to yours. Instantly there is a spark, a spark of heat igniting that had been lost over the years, a spark of hatred.

You glare at Paige while her lips forms a smirk, a stupid smug smirk that you wish you can punch off.

“Paige, this is Y/n. Y/n, this is Paige. You guys will be working together so I thought it’s better to introduce you guys early on.” Alex informs and you almost want to bang your head on the floor.

No way in hell would you agree if you had known before hand. “What?!?”

Alex’s brows raises at your reaction. “Is there a problem?”

You glare at Alex with a look that says ‘I’ll tell you later.’ And she nods in understanding before looking back at Paige.

“Okay, moving back. Arrangements will be made for you guys to work in the Wing’s court, schedules will be sent to you both in a few days when I and Paige’s manager sort out your free times.”

“Hold on, I just have a question. Why can’t I just work with a coach instead? Wouldn’t it be less of a hassle this way.” You suggest, eyes gleaming in hope that is to be shut down the second your manager slash number one hater opens her mouth.

“Nope, using a coach is not a bad idea but Paige is a good teacher and the whole team is on board with this. Plus, according to the few TikToks I’ve seen, apparently you guys went to the same High School?”

“Yeah, that’s right we shared almost all of our classes together.” Paige says casually as you are trying to ignore her existence.

“Oh, so you guys are friends then. That makes my job much easier.”

“Yeah.”

“Nope.”

You and Paige answers at the same time, causing you both to look at each other but with exact opposite reactions. You glared while she grinned.

Paige waves her hands and sneakingly places her arm on your shoulder, not budging when you try to push her off. “She’s playing, we’re actually the best of friends. Actually, Y/n used to be wild at parties. She was a huge deal in high school, I couldn’t go on a second without hearing her name.”

You roll your eyes, fucking liar. Actually the last bit isn’t a lie, you were popular and threw a bunch of wild parties in High school, but you and Paige were and are not definitely besties. “At least I got straight A’s and became Valedictorian unlike somebody. Paige, have you turned in that assignment from Ms. Bailey from the 6th grade yet?”

Paige scoff, taking her arms off of your shoulder as she places her hand on her chest and faux offense. “Hey, that was years ago and at l passed my classes okay?”

“Yeah, barely.” You say snarkily.

Alex, sensing the animosity gets in between you two. “Okay, ladies I’m sensing some tension here. You both are tired and drained out, how about we call it a day?”

“Hmm, sure.” Paige mumbles, avoiding your eye.

“Finally!” You exclaim, practically flying as you walk away in glee.

Your week went on normally, a few interviews here and there, commercial and magazine shoots, it was all great. Your schedule was packed and you felt happier than ever, well until Friday evening that is.

The day you had to meet up with Paige Bueckers again. You were sick of her face and name already.

“We’re going to work together all month so let’s make a truce, you don’t bother me, I don’t bother you. Deal?”

Paige pretends to think for a moment before shrugging. “Nah, I love watching you getting all worked up over me.”

Your jaw drops. “Wow, somebody’s cocky. I don’t get worked up over you, Bueckers.” You grind your teeth as you walk over the taller woman, placing your finger right into her chest.

Your eye flickers to her lips for a second- since when did she put on lip gloss, and your frown falters for a bit before getting replaced with a softer one. “Your face is just annoying.”

Paige smirks, shaking her head as she dribbles a ball around before shooting it into the net, it goes right through. “Yet, you keep looking at it.”

You hold your tongue back, knowing if not then the words you wanted to say would get you an immediate invite to the cancelled party. “Whatever, let’s just get this over with.”

You reluctantly accept the ball Paige handed over, tapping it up and down before trying to make a shot. It doesn’t go in, in fact it hit the rims and flies straight over to Paige’s head.

“Shit!” You exclaim, running over Paige who is stumbling her steps trying to keep her balance. “I’m so sorry.”

You keep apologizing even as Paige waves her hands around saying that it’s fine, but it really isn’t because blood is flowing from both of her nose and she looks like she’s about to go into a deep, deep slumber any second now.

You walk her over to a seat, stumbling a few times in the process. She is much taller and stronger than you are so it was definitely a struggle to carry a 6’0 athlete anywhere.

“Hey, Paige? Stay awake for me, okay?” You say softly, using your handkerchief to stop the blood from dripping down. It was your favorite thing from since when you’re a baby, but there are more important things right now. “I have to call for the nurse now.”

“No, no- stay…I’m fine.” Paige grips your wrist tight, trying to look normal.

Your eyes softens and it is filled up with guilt. “No, you’re not and it’s my fault. Just don’t be stubborn and let me help you, okay.”

Paige nods obediently, finding no more energy to argue.

You left Paige to call for medical aid, luckily it wasn’t all too bad and Paige would be fine after a few days of rest but you still felt extremely guilty. She’d gotten hurt and had to miss a game because of you.

[devoirre]

── :: 🌊 ︵ . .

I’m starting to roll out my other Octonauts / Puss in Boots related posts slowly since I’ve only ever posted on TikTok; I’ve mostly moved to other platforms because of TikTok constantly being at risk of being banned in my country </3

But yeah, I’ve edited Kwazii into The Last Wish!!

I have so much lore behind Puss and Kwazii (being childhood bestfriends and raised together); I’d love to make a comic of them, especially how The Last Wish goes with Kwazii being in Perrito’s place in my worldbuild— however, I’m disabled (৹ᵒ̴̶̷᷄﹏ᵒ̴̶̷᷅৹) ADHD + social anxiety; and I'm heading to college soon, so I genuinely don’t think I can do anything major like animatics / long comics; maybe just rant posts, writing, sketches, and minicomics

I can’t guarantee these things either though </3 I really only post when I don’t feel anxious to, unless I manage to suck it up and do it anyways

TikTok ;; devoirre

Instagram ;; dev.oirre

BlueSky ;; devoirre

[m4lted-cr3am]

No because the Fiyero thing pisses me off so much. Don’t get me wrong, I like him, but he’s no saint either, plz stop acting like he is 😭

I’ve seen people be like “Aww he became captain of the guard to find her that’s so romantic 🥹” personally if I was Elphaba I would be pissed, bc he really thought joining the people who are out to get (or kill if we’re going off the movie) me was the best way of trying to see me again, bc that puts the both of us at huge risk now, and how much am I gonna trust you if the first thing you do when you see me is point a gun at me?

Another thing was a post I saw on Reddit which was talking about why Elphie didn’t just work within the system, and it brought up some good points about her character and why that wouldn’t work. And then there was a reply talking about how Glinda wouldn’t have worked within the system in response to someone bringing that up in another comment, and I was agreeing with them.

Until they said it was because Fiyero was the one who was secretly working within the system to put a stop to everything. I’m sorry, I might be misremembering things, but when was that ever implied?! Sure, Feldspur’s existence in the movie adds some validity to this, but we won’t know until November. But if we’re talking about the musical, I don’t think there is anything that hints to this being a possibility.

Sorry for the rant, just a long winded way of saying stop making excuses for both Glinda and Fiyero. Let them be flawed.

people who a) act like glinda would have been able to just leave comfortably after becoming a literal political prisoner and b) pretend like that hug with morrible was in any way comfortable for her and not her clearly being repulsed and going along with it for her own safety are the bane of my existence.

also I want to remind you seeing as I’m seeing some bs comparisons again: glinda was known to be elphie’s best friend whereas fiyero pretty much had no involvement. the wizard and morrible did not give a shit about him and he could have chosen to keep looking for elphaba. instead he willingly chooses to become part of the same system you demonise glinda for being a part of.

I don’t even dislike fiyero or f*yeraba (censored so it doesn’t end up in the tag and upset some people) but the way some of you put that man on a pedestal as some innocent angel is so annoying. he is just as complicit as glinda and only chooses elphie a week before glinda also chooses her!

[revelboo]

Omg could we pretty pretty please get more Riptide? He reminds me of Prince Sidon form BOTW if you get that reference.

here's some photos of my boyfriend's off duty service dog as a bribe

Cute!

A New Brain Pt 2

Riptide x Reader

• No one yells back trying to contradict him, but then no one else is around. Does dibs count if another Cybertronian doesn’t witness it? “You’re my witness,” he says as you just stare up at him, eyes wide. “I called dibs.” And you just slowly nod, eyes leaking. But you agreed. That makes it official. Probably. “I’m Riptide,” he adds, shifting you in his palm and you drag yourself slightly like you’re trying to get comfortable. Making him realize that something’s wrong with your legs.

• Stuttering your own name, you risk a glance to confirm that no, you can’t just try and throw yourself out of his hand. Not without breaking your neck. So you offer him a terrified and slightly sick smile. “Where am I?” And how’d you get here? It hurt, felt like being rent apart. You’ve never felt anything like that and you never want to feel it again.

• Turning, he gestures and you shriek, grabbing his servos to make him feel guilty. “Sorry. Sorry about that. This ship is the Lost Light,” he says, gesturing with his other hand. And you’ve got your face pressed against his servos, making a funny little noise. “Sorry,” he adds again. What is that noise? A kind of hitching, wet sound.

• Swallowing against the urge to throw up, you shudder. “Please don’t do that again,” you whisper before your mind latches onto the word ship. Like space ship? Like you’re in space? “Are we in space?” Did this guy beam you up? You really are going to throw up. Eyes closing, your hands start trembling. Maybe you’re dreaming. Or hallucinating. Maybe you’re in a coma doped up on the strong stuff after having an accident? You can’t be in space, though.

• “It’s a space ship,” he says, confused. Where else would a space ship be? ‘No,’ you counter, voices shaking but firm. No? What no? “Yes?” Tries to make himself sound certain, but he has no idea how to respond or deal with your denial. Or that you’re shaking your head at him like you’re refusing to believe him. Maybe he should carry you to the bridge and let you see? Striding with you cupped to his chassis, he lets himself onto the bridge, holding you up to the vista as Rodimus turns in his chair with a frown and stares at you. “I have dibs,” Riptide growls right as you purge all over his hand.

Previous

[nomie-11]

Snowed In

masterlist!

synopsis: after the third snowstorm of the season, you're finally able to repay the woman who has been shoveling your driveway

pairings: vi x reader (no use of y/n)

Shifting awkwardly on your heels, your gloved hands gripped the tray of brownies so tight you knew your knuckles were white. You couldn’t figure out who was shoveling your driveway after it snowed the first and second time you had woken up to a cleared driveway, but this time you woke up early and watched as the woman across the street—dressed in tight thermals that did everything to show off her toned upper body—emerged from her house with a shovel and cleared your driveway. 

Now, you didn’t really have money to spare to pay her. But you did know how to bake and which house she lived in, so here you were, at 7:00 p.m. on a stranger’s doorstep, waiting for her to open the door and take this stupid tray of brownies before you retreated back into the warmth and comfort of your house. 

The door swung open a little faster than you expected, making you jump. You looked up right into the unmistakable face of the woman you’d watch from your window earlier that morning. 

She was just as imposing up close, with those unmistakable pink locks half-tucked under a beanie, a grease-streaked hoodie hanging off one shoulder, and an eyebrow cocked in surprise. She didn’t say anything at first—just stared at you, her eyes flicking between your face and the tray in your hands. 

“You… uh—” You thrust the brownies toward her like a peace offering, voice cracking slightly with nerves. “Thanks. For the driveway. I can’t pay you, but I can bake. So… brownies.”

She blinked, and then her mouth curled into a smirk—sharp, but not unkind. 

“Well, damn,” she said, reaching out to take the tray. Her fingers brushed yours, warm despite the chill in the air. “I thought you were going to yell at me for trespassing.” 

You let out a nervous laugh. “I considered it. But then I remembered I can’t get my car out without your help.” 

Vi laughed—a low, light sound that settled comfortably in your chest. “Smart move.” She looked down at the brownies, eyes crinkling. “These homemade?” 

“Yeah. And if you’re allergic to anything, you’re probably fucked.” 

“Risk I’m willing to take,” Vi said, gently taking the tray from your hands. “Wanna come in? It’s freezing and you brought me food. Least I can do is offer some heat in return.” 

You hesitated for just a second, surprised by the offer—and maybe just a little too eager to say yes. 

“Sorry, I’ve got work,” you trailed off, backing away before you could tell yourself to just step into the doorway of her very nice and heated house. “Enjoy the brownies.”

She smiled, a little confused, and yelled a goodbye after you as you hurriedly walked down the path, desperate not to slip on the snow-slick stones. 

—---------------------------------

A few days later, you’re elbow-deep in dish soap when a knock rattles your front door. You peer out the window, half expecting a delivery. But it’s Vi—this time without the beanie, her pink hair pulled back showing off her undercut, and the now-empty brownie tray in her gloved hands. 

You dry off quickly and crack open the door, surprised by how nonchalant she looks, like this is just part of her weekly routine now. 

“Hey,” she says with a lazy half-smile, lifting the tray slightly. “Return delivery. Also, those brownies? Unreal. You got, like, a bakery you’re hiding from me?” 

You laugh, opening the door a little wider to take the tray. “Glad you liked them. No license—just an overachieving sweet tooth.” 

Vi lingers in the doorway a moment, rocking on her heels like she might say more. But then she nods toward the driveway across the street. “Looks like we’re getting more snow later this week.” 

“Oh,” you say, a small grin on your face. “Guess I better buy more sugar.” 

She grins back. “Guess you better.” 

She walks away without another word, tossing a lazy wave over her shoulder. You stand in the doorway longer than necessary, tray clutched in your hands, until the cold finally drives you back inside. 

—-------------------------------

The snow came heavier than expected. 

By the time you’d finished your work and looked out the front window, the whole street was buried in white. Your car was nothing more than a lumpy silhouette, and the walkway you’d salted down earlier was completely useless now. You sighed and shut the curtains, resigning yourself to another day snowed in—maybe two. 

You were mid-way debating what to scavenge from your fridge when the power flickered. Once. Twice. 

Then everything cut out. 

“No,” you whispered into the dim, humming silence. “No, no, no—come on.”

You scrambled for your phone, using its flashlight to dig out the drawer with your emergency candles. Within minutes, you had a small cluster of flickering lights on the kitchen counter, casting just enough glow to make the place feel a little less post-apocalyptic. The house was already getting colder. Fast. 

You were layering up—second hoodie, two pairs of socks—when another knock came at your door. 

This one wasn’t tentative. It was solid. Confident. 

You opened it to find Vi again, this time bundled in a thick coat with a scarf slung loosely around her neck and snowflakes dusting her hair. Her eyebrows lifted at the sight of you, wrapped in mismatched layers like a human burrito. 

“Lights out here too?” she asked, nodding toward your darkened hallway. 

“Yup,” you said. “Heat’s gone too. Pretty sure I’m a popsicle now.” 

She grinned. “Yeah, I thought so. Grid’s down for the whole block. I’ve got a gas heater and some chili on the stove. You wanna ride it out somewhere that isn’t subzero?” 

You blinked. “You’re inviting me over. Again.” 

“Hey, you brought brownies. This is just me returning the favor with beans and central heat,” she said, stepping back and jerking her head in the direction of her house. “C’mon. I won’t bite. Unless you brought more baked goods—because then I might have to.” 

You hesitated, heart thudding a little too fast, not entirely because of the cold. 

“...I’ve got peanut butter cookies in the pantry,” you said. 

She turned on her heel. “That’s a yes, then.” 

You grabbed the cookies, your boots, and your last shred of composure, and followed her across the street. 

The warmth hit you the second you stepped inside her house. It smelled like spice and something savory simmering low and slow on the stove. The lights were out here too, but she’d lit enough candles to make the living room glow soft and gold. Blankets were already piled on the couch, a few cushions tossed down like she’d been halfway to building a fort. 

Vi looked at you over her shoulder as she unzipped her coat. “Make yourself at home. I figured we could suffer together. Or, you know… try not to suffer.” 

You slipped off your boots, cheeks already warm from more than just the sudden temperature change. “You do this for all your neighbors, or am I just special?” 

Vi chuckled as she plucked the cookie container from your hands and popped the lid. “Guess you’ll have to keep baking if you wanna find out.” 

You tried to think of something clever to say, but she was already walking into the kitchen, stealing a cookie on the way and tossing you a wink over her shoulder. 

So, you followed—into the warmth, the flickering light, and whatever this weird little snowstorm relationship was becoming. 

Maybe being snowed in wasn’t so bad after all.

if you enjoyed this one shot, please check out my other series!

also send me requests i beg

[vettedfundraisergaza]

This is really messed up Wallahi

They’ve been going through a genocide for about 600 days

They shouldn’t need a bigger reason than that for support, people in gaza are mixing flour (if they can even find it) with sand or anything else just to have something to eat, the little internet they manage to get is a lifeline they go through so much just to send a message long walks hours of waiting sometimes risking their lives just to get a signal they don’t have money they don’t have job they’re just trying to survive

Islam is currently taking care of his disabled grandfather and mother, who is unfortunately suffering from malignant cancer, and He is unable to give her the right treatment if he can find it

Islam is vetted by el-shab-hussein and nabulsi list N.332

I'm sorry for annoying you but please share Islam's post as much as possible 🙏

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[ivegotyourbackbuddie]

The Wrong Buckley. Part Six of Six. Ao3 Link. Part One. Two. Three. Four. Five. FINISHED

“Your clothes better be-”

Chimney’s words die when he sees Maddie and Eddie in bed, and it’s… quite a sight.

Eddie is cradling a half-empty glass of wine propped up on Maddie’s stomach, eyes tired and damp, the muscles in his face tight as if he’s longing to put his fist through the nearest wall. Maddie is doing her best to comfort him, cradling his head to her chest as she runs a hand through his hair. It’s the exact thing she does whenever she comforts Jee after a particularly bad day or nightmare. Buck’s eyes glance toward the TV.

Chimney asks what Buck is thinking, “Is that Bluey?”

Maddie sighs and pauses the episode. “Apartment hunting went that well?”

Chimney glances toward Buck, obviously conflicted about confronting them when they’re not exactly doing anything too suspicious. Buck glances down at the covers they’re under, wondering if they’re just fast changers and good actors. Or maybe this is Maddie’s way of comforting Eddie after rejecting his booty call.

Either way, he needs to be strong for Chimney. He gets right to the point. “We know about your affair.”

Maddie looks blankly at Buck, then gives Chimney a look of complete disbelief. Eddie rolls his eyes and puts his glass on the side table. “Buck-”

“No!” Buck says, holding his hand up. “Stop with the lies, Eddie. I know. I know about the brunch dates, the secret pictures, the birthday wish, the love confession after your wine night and in the mirror, and the fact you’ve been trying to hide this from me!” He takes a quick glance to his left, Leo coming to mind as he stutters out, “A-And Chimney.”

“The what?” Maddie asks, sounding genuinely baffled.

Buck groans, looking toward Chim for support, only to find him eyeing Buck suspiciously, as if he’s made this all up! Buck widens his eyes at him, trying to get his support, but Chimney crosses his arms and takes a step back, taking in the scene before him as if he’s just a spectator in this whole thing.

Buck takes a deep breath and looks back at the pair staring at him, looking more confused than confronted. But a quick glance at the picture of Jee on the nightstand reminds him why this all matters. “Think of the kids, guys. Jee, my unborn nephew, and Chris–”

“Okay, no one is having an affair,” Maddie says, gesturing to her stomach as if that is an automatic excuse.

Buck shakes his head, staring at his sister, trying to get through to her as he gestures to Eddie. “You’re saying that you’re really not in love with Eddie?” The question sounds a bit more surprised than accusatory.

“Yes, Buck,” Maddie states firmly. “I’m not in love with Eddie because I happen to be in love with Chimney, you know, my husband.”

Chimney’s chest puffs out a little bit at the statement, but Buck ignores him to look at Eddie.

“And you–”

Eddie shakes his head, taking the covers off his sweatpants-clad legs. “We’re not doing this here.”

“Yes, we are,” Buck says through his teeth.

“No, we’re going home. Right now.”

The way he says it sends a jolt of electricity down Buck’s spine that he tries to ignore. “See, you’re avoiding it because you are.”

“I’m not!” Eddie practically yells, arms wide.

Buck points at him angrily. “We have a no lying rule, Edmundo.”

Eddie straightens up, arms crossing as his tone and volume drop, taking a step forward. “We do. And you know why that is? Because I fucked up. I fucked up my kid so bad that he had to flee the state and run eight hundred miles away from me and let my parents play their fucked up version of house that literally made him sick. All because I lied to him.” He points an accusatory finger at him. “I just got him back, and you think I would do something that would risk destroying everything we have now?”

He makes a good point, but Buck knows what he’s seen. “Maybe for Maddie, you would.”

Eddie’s finger curls back into a fist as he takes in a deep breath. He lets his fingers open as he exhales. “Why are you doing this, Buck?”

“Because I’m trying to fix this before it can ruin what we’ve created – what you’ve created – with Chris.” Before Eddie can argue, Buck explains, “I saw the text messages, Eddie. How you’re thankful I don’t know about this, that I was onto you, and how you hate sharing the bed with me.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up. “You went through my messages?”

“You were passed out.”

“And that’s supposed to make it better?”

Buck folds in on himself.

“Dios, Buck,” Eddie breathes out, shaking his head. “You got it all wrong.”

“How?” Buck asks, exasperated. “How can this be anything other than you being in love with Maddie?”

“Because I’m gay,” Eddie chokes out.

Buck’s heart stops.

It takes longer than three minutes and seventeen seconds for it to start again as the whole world comes to a halt.

“Oh my god,” Chimney whispers as if realizing something, reminding Buck that they aren’t the only two in the room.

Buck blinks once, then twice. He shakes his head.

“No, you’re in love with Maddie.”

Eddie stares at him, his brown eyes beyond hurt, but he doesn’t say a word. He just shakes his head and scoffs, a humorless, silent laugh, before he grabs his keys and wallet from the side table, walking past Buck and out of the room.

Buck glances up at Maddie who looks angry on behalf of her friend but disappointed as Buck’s sister. We don’t hurt our friends, Buck can practically hear her say.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out as he turns around, following Eddie, catching up to him quickly as he puts his shoes on by the door.

“Eddie…”

Eddie holds up a finger to him – surprisingly, his pointer finger and not the middle one.

Buck takes the hint and shuts his mouth.

When Eddie is done tying his shoes, he looks right at him. “I’ll see you at the house.”

Buck tries not to focus on the way he says the house instead of our house. “Eddie, you’ve been drinking, let me drive you back.”

“I’ll get an Uber.”

Buck’s jaw tenses, but he takes the hint. He nods once. “Venmo request me the amount.”

Eddie just stares at him.

Buck tests his luck and asks, “Can I wait until it gets here?”

Based on the way Eddie’s eyes try to burn a hole through his head, Buck’s going to take that as a no. He clears his throat. “I’ll, uh, see you at home.” He doesn’t waste time leaving, afraid that it’s Eddie’s turn to maim him, not that he wouldn’t deserve it.

He drives home in silence, not even beginning to process what has happened.

When he gets to the house, he checks Eddie’s location to see if the Uber has picked him up yet, but he finds that he’s already been dropped off somewhere. Bobby’s house.

He wonders if Maddie drove him there.

Buck heads straight to the kitchen and starts baking just about anything that he has the ingredients for when he finally lets himself think of everything that went down with Eddie.

Eddie, who is not straight.

Unless that was just a lie to cover the affair.

Buck shakes his head, and, for the first time since he’s been made aware of this friendship, he takes Eddie at his word.

He goes back to Maddie’s birthday, thinking about the thing Eddie wasn’t ready to tell him that Maddie was pushing him to say. And Maddie, being Buck’s sister, would know how hard Buck would take it if Eddie came out to her first instead of him. She was just delaying the inevitable crash out Buck would have, especially since Eddie had apparently drunkenly come out to her months ago.

He thinks about their messages and how Eddie needed to tell Chris first. How he didn’t want to tell his parents about what Buck thought was an affair when really…

He sighs and puts his head in his flour covered hands. He has to be the worst friend in the entire world to have forced Eddie to come out when he wasn’t ready.

Oh fuck, so that’s what Eddie wanted to talk to him about tonight. So, maybe he was ready, but… that’s no excuse for how it happened. Especially compared to how Buck had come out to him and was met with a hug and reassurance that it would change nothing between them

And now Buck has to live with the fact that when Eddie came out, he told him he wasn’t gay because he was actually in love with his sister.

It’s all a mess.

He glances in the direction of their bedroom, wondering if he really needs to go apartment hunting now. God, he’s going to miss waking up in Eddie’s arms every morning.

Wait. Eddie had panicked about sharing the bed with Buck. He also had to lock himself in the bathroom to get away from massaging Buck. Plus, Maddie had told Eddie not to tell Buck he’s gay, after seeing right through Buck’s poor excuses as to why he couldn’t be in love with Eddie.

It all makes sense now.

Eddie’s gay, but he doesn’t have feelings for him.

It explains why he’s been waiting to tell him. Clearly, it would be hard to continue living in their cozy, domestic world that has teetered on the not-so-platonic side after Eddie came out. They live in each other’s bubble more often than not, and although Buck being bi didn’t change anything… Eddie being gay does.

How hard would it have been for Eddie to explain to Buck that he doesn’t want him to misinterpret his actions, that even though they could be seen as romantic, it would never work out, not because he’s straight, but because he just doesn’t feel that way about Buck?

It all adds another layer to the complexity surrounding Eddie coming out, which, once again, Buck is reminded that he’s added to even more.

He digs around his spice cabinet, trying to find his natural food dyes.

Buck shakes his head and closes it. He’s pretty sure a six-layer rainbow cake would result in a justifiable punch in the face or eviction notice. So, he grabs the bag of flour and stares at it, wondering if he has enough to make a batch of those scones Eddie liked.

It’s going to take more than baked goods to fix this, but Buck has to start somewhere.

At some point mid baking spiral, the front door opens and closes. Buck jumps.

In a few hours, he only managed to get two different trays of muffins, a pan of brownies, and the scones in the oven, and he’s certain that it isn’t enough.

Maybe he should’ve started making bread instead.

Jesus, what he should’ve done is think about what he’s going to say to Eddie.

“I hope you don’t expect me to help clean this up.”

Buck startles again, turning away from the flour covered counter to look at Eddie. He leans against the doorway, arms crossed, face carefully neutral.

Buck wipes his hands against his apron anxiously. “You’re back.”

“Had to make a stop.”

“At Bobby’s,” Buck fills in.

Eddie’s brow furrows, lips pursing as he stares at him. “You’ve been watching my location.” It’s a statement more than a question, so Buck doesn’t try to deny it. Eddie sighs and shakes his head. “Jesus, Buck. My messages and now my location.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” Buck retorts. He may have gone about it wrong, but his heart was in the right place.

“I know,” Eddie replies, surprisingly calm. He takes a few steps into the kitchen, pausing at the table and glancing down at the various bowls. He takes a swipe at the leftover brownie batter and lifts a finger to his mouth, tongue darting out to taste it.

“There’s also muffins and scones in the oven,” Buck says dumbly, mesmerized by the sight.

Eddie glances up at him. “Well, it’s a start.”

Buck frowns. “A start?”

“To your apology.”

“Eddie–”

He holds a hand up to Buck. “I know, Buck. You were trying to do the right thing, you already said that.”

Buck takes a tentative step forward, ducking his head down so it’s level with Eddie. “I’m sorry,” he says sincerely.

Eddie glances away.

Buck feels desperate to get through to him. “I should’ve believed you. I should’ve known better than to assume you would do something to hurt Chris, especially after all the work you’ve done in therapy and with him; I completely undermined all of that. I just saw you and Maddie together, and I panicked. I thought you were replacing me, but I went to the extreme thinking that you were putting Maddie in a role that’s even more important than mine in your life. I- I thought you were going to leave me again, and I couldn’t handle it.”

He takes a step closer, and Eddie looks up at him. “But I never should’ve reacted like that to you coming out. And I can’t believe I have to say this, but I know you wouldn’t lie to me about that. I’m sorry that I wasn’t a safe person for you to come out to, and I proved why.”  He looks away and rubs his hands on his apron again. “And I’m sorry I’m making this about me again, but this doesn’t have to change a thing between us.”

Buck’s not sure what he expects, but it’s not for Eddie to grab one of the dirty bowls, bring it to the sink, and start rinsing it out. He opens the dishwasher and starts loading it with the bowl in his hand and other dishes in the sink. When he runs out, he reaches behind him, hand open toward Buck.

“You don’t have to–”

“Dishes, Buck.”

Buck’s stomach twists, and he immediately begins handing things over. Dishes are never something Eddie does on his own voluntarily unless he needs to think.

Buck would love to know what he’s thinking about, or else he’s going to spiral.

Hell, he’s already spiraled. He might end up spontaneously combusting.

Luckily, there’s two firefighters in the house, right?

Buck gives him five minutes – he keeps track on the oven timer – but right when Buck is about to say something, Eddie stares out the window and asks, “What if I want things to change between us?”

The words make Buck’s blood run cold. He remains frozen until Eddie turns around to gauge his reaction. His nostrils flare involuntarily, and it takes everything in him to make sure the corners of his lips aren’t entirely downturned. He nods. “Yeah, man, of course. I get it. I’ll start looking for apartments.”

To make this easier for Eddie, he makes a beeline for the living room where Eddie left the iPad on the coffee table in front of the couch. He’s about to grab it when Eddie calls out, “Wait, what?”

Buck turns to Eddie standing in the kitchen doorway, eyes wide and frantic. “I’ll get out of your hair. It’s been a long time coming, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable anymore.”

“Uncomfortable?”

Buck nods, resisting the urge to take a step closer to him. “We’ve been closer than ever recently. And now that you’re out, it’s harder to keep doing what we’ve been doing without it coming across as… romantic.” He raises his hands and frantically shakes them, heart racing. “And I’m not saying that just because you’re gay that means that you would have feelings for me, in fact, I know it’s the opposite. But it would be hard to explain that to other people or me, so I’m okay to take a step back. Go back to the way we were before. I wouldn’t want us to confuse Chris or anything.”

During Buck’s whole rant, Eddie grows increasingly more and more serious. By the time Buck is finished, Eddie’s face is carefully blank except for the way his mouth is slightly agape. He takes a deep breath and says, “Evan Buckley, I will never understand the way your brain works. First, Maddie and I, now this?”

Buck feels like he should be a little offended. “I don’t understand.”

Eddie ducks his head and mutters, “Dios.” He glances up at Buck slowly and takes a few steps past the doorway into the dining area. “Bobby said that he wasn’t surprised that you had jumped to such extreme conclusions about me and Maddie. Talked about your fear of abandonment, general impulsivity, and need to fix things. That all combined with the fact that your heart is infuriatingly big and the driving factor behind your decisions leads to things like this happening. And Athena…”

“What did she say?” Buck jumps to ask.

“Buck’s gonna Buck,” Eddie breathes out with a laugh.

Buck feels a shift, but he tries not to let himself think too hard.

It doesn’t work because he immediately goes to a state of slight panic, thinking about the people he loves talking about him behind his back. Except, it’s not entirely a bad thing necessarily since Eddie’s telling him exactly what they said, and it doesn’t sound bad, but–

Before he knows it, Eddie’s right in front of him, hand resting on his shoulder, thumb right above his collarbone.

Buck’s vision comes back into focus, and he takes in the concern in Eddie’s brown eyes. “Buck, I need you to listen very carefully. I wouldn’t hold hands with my other friends when I’m falling asleep, I wouldn’t do something like wake up spooning Hen and beg her to stay a few more minutes, and I wouldn’t prepare a candlelit dinner for Chimney.”

Buck snorts. “Yeah, because they’re not your best friend.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Eddie says, cupping Buck’s head with both hands. “Buck, I can’t believe I’m going to have to spell it out to you.”

The phrasing hits Buck very suddenly, envisioning the open crack of the bathroom door, he’s reminded of the reason he’s here now.

I can’t believe I’m in love with a Buckley.

And if it’s not Maddie, and Eddie’s gay, then… Well, he can’t imagine Phillip Buckley would be all that appealing. Which can only mean…

Buck takes a sudden step back and stares at Eddie, eyes wide and searching.

Eddie’s cheeks are pink.

The way they are around Maddie.

The way they are around Maddie because Eddie’s been talking about him. Just like the server told him.

 “I need to sit down,” he announces before flopping down on the couch.

Eddie, his best friend, is gay. And in love with him.

He tries to go back over everything he’s managed to overlook, and, yeah, maybe the whole bed sharing and cuddling in the morning should’ve been the first sign. And then the almost kiss. And… “Eddie, were you trying to seduce me when you were washing my car?”

Buck doesn’t think it’s possible, but Eddie manages to turn a little redder. “I-I mean. I wouldn’t say that.”

“You totally did,” Buck says, smile growing on his face. His best friend, the one who was flirting with him when he was drunk, and Buck managed to overlook the whole thing with the damn condoms and Eddie wanting to help him undress after promising to be quiet. Buck’s cheeks turn a similar shade of red.

He frowns suddenly and holds out his hand. “Phone.”

Eddie rolls his eyes but gets it out of his pocket, handing it over.

Buck easily unlocks it and opens his and Maddie’s messages, scrolling past the big apology Maddie sent on behalf of Buck for his behavior today, and goes all the way up to the message from Maddie thanking Eddie for telling her something.

He scrolls up only two messages sooner and sees it. Maddie had sent a photo of Buck in the midst of his rant about how he’s not in love with his straight best friend who is a renter, and Eddie had gotten back to her a few hours later.

m so in lovwith him it hruts

???

call me!!!

He turns off the phone and puts it on the coffee table.

A single scroll up, and Buck would’ve known.

Actually, it’s entirely possible he would’ve come up with some excuse to convince himself that message was in no way about him.

“Not the best way for me to have come out for the first time, especially since we’d only talked a few times, but…” Eddie shrugs. When Buck looks at him inquisitively, Eddie explains, “Like we said, we talked a bit when I moved to Texas. She helped with some renovations and answered questions about how you were doing. The deepest talk we had was about my PTSD and her own trauma surrounding the kidnapping.” He gestures toward his phone. “But that was what really got us talking, which was why I didn’t know how to tell you we were close. What was I supposed to say? I drunkenly confessed my love for you to your sister and cried about it to her for hours, and even when I’m sober, I can’t shut up about you, and she was the only person I felt like I could go to?”

It's… a lot. And Buck’s not entirely sure he’s not dreaming or in yet another weird coma dream. So, he asks, “Can you hold my hand?”

Eddie nods and nearly closes the distance between them as he sits next to him on the couch, offering his hand, palm up to Buck in the space between them. Buck takes it quickly, noticing the tremor in his best friend’s hand. He looks up at him, seeing Eddie’s own panic taking over him. But Buck has to be absolutely sure, “You’re in love with me?”

Eddie squeezes his hand, running a thumb over the back of his hand. “Yes, Evan, I’m…” he trails off and scrunches his nose up. “God, is it weird to call you that after…” he makes a vague gesture, spinning his pointer finger around.

“Tommy?” Buck guesses.

Eddie groans, “Please, don’t bring up the ex who you slept with in my house.”

Buck laughs, getting a little cocky as he asks, “Are you jealous?”

“Yes, I’m jealous because I’m in love with you.”

Buck already knew this. He did. He just found out with enough evidence that it’s honestly nearly impossible to dispute.

But hearing the words out of Eddie’s mouth is the final piece of confirmation that he needs.

Eddie’s in love with him.

He sits with it for another moment, but his mind is stuck on one thing. Buck can’t help but ask, “Is that why you threw my mattress out?”

“Yes,” Eddie answers immediately. “You’re lucky I didn’t burn the whole house down.”

Buck laughs, relaxing for the first time that day when Eddie laughs as well, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he drops his head on the back of the couch, his canines on full display, so beautiful.

“I love you,” Buck says suddenly.

Eddie’s laughter dies, but the joy on his face grows. “Yeah?”

Buck nods.

“I had a feeling.”

Buck laughs and knocks his shoulder against him. “Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

“Make me,” Buck says, voice low. He takes a pointer from his Buck 1.0 days and licks his lips to draw Eddie’s eyes to them.

He’s fully expecting Eddie to laugh at the cheesy line, but he seems transfixed by him, eyes lingering on his lips before darting to his eyes, looking over his face as if seeing him for the first time. “Okay,” he whispers, as he lets go of Buck’s hand to drape it over the couch behind Buck, shifting closer. His other hand comes up to cup Buck’s face gently, thumb tracing over the stubble there, and Buck mirrors him only for Eddie’s hand to slowly trace down his neck and cling to his shoulder.

His thumb slots into the spot reserved on Buck just for him, and he finally pulls him in.

Their lips brush together gently before slotting together in a chaste first kiss.

When Buck secretly pictured this moment – before scolding himself for letting himself think that way about his straight best friend – he always imagined it would be something wildly intense and devouring. They had never really done anything in the right order before, so he hadn’t expected their first kiss to feel like a first kiss.

Except, this kiss feels less like a question of what’s to come but instead a confirmation that this is it – each other’s last.

Buck pulls away from the soft kiss first, letting Eddie take the time he needs to fully process this very-

And he’s kissing him again.

Buck’s positively overwhelmed with the fact that Eddie Diaz knows how to kiss, and Buck’s not sure if he’s ever had someone make his toes literally curl from a kiss and steal his breath. He manages a breath when he opens his mouth, which Eddie takes as an invitation to deepen the kiss, and Buck thinks this has to be a coma dream or he’s died and gone to heaven.

He groans when Eddie shifts on the couch and straddles him. Only breaking away for a second to grunt, “Fuck, I’m so gay,” before kissing Buck again.

When Buck has to come up for air, Eddie presses their foreheads together and whispers, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Buck whispers, out of breath.

Eddie pulls back suddenly and reaches behind him, patting at the coffee table, and nearly losing his balance, making Buck steady him as he finally gets what he was looking for. He holds his phone up triumphantly. “I’ve got to tell Maddie about this.”

Buck groans and throws his head back against the couch. “If this is what you two being friends is going to be like, I’m still not going to like it.”

“You don’t want me to be close to my future sister-in-law?”

The question makes Buck's heart hammer in his chest. “You proposing to me, Diaz?”

Eddie glares at the last name but turns an interesting shade of pink.

Buck sits up a little straighter, bringing them closer together.

“Chris has the ring in his room, and I may have gotten Bobby’s blessing today.”

“Yes,” Buck says immediately.

Eddie throws his head back with a laugh. “Buck, I haven’t even asked. Plus, Hen, Karen, and Maddie wanted to help plan something big that was going to be perfect with everyone-”

“I don’t care,” Buck insists. “So, unless you want me to ask first, you have to ask right now.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms, which looks a little funny considering he’s still on top of him. “You want me to explain to Chris that he missed our proposal because you were impatient?”

Buck pouts, especially when Eddie climbs off him.

But then Eddie drops to a knee in front of the couch, and Buck’s heart skips a beat. He takes Buck’s hands and tries and fails not to let his amusement bleed into his exasperation. “Evan Buckley, will you please wait to say yes to my proposal?”

Buck laughs and cradles his head in his hands. “Yes, but only for Chris.” He joins Eddie on his knees to kiss him, but Eddie ends up complaining about them being too old to be kneeling on the hardwood floor.

They stay there for a little while longer anyway.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“So, Buck thought you were having an affair with his sister, but, really, you were just sneaking around with her to talk about how much you were in love with Buck. Then, after he found out that wasn’t what was happening and you came out, he thought you didn’t want to be with him, although you two were sharing a bed and doing everything married couples do. But as soon as he realized you had feelings for him, you two kissed, and then Buck begged you to propose immediately?”

“Yeah, that sounds right,” Eddie replies with a big smile, watching as Buck chats with a slightly ill looking Maddie.

Ravi shakes his head. “So, why did you two break up in the first place?”

Eddie frowns and finally looks at him. “What?”

“Oh, sorry, is that a touchy subject?”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, we never broke up.”

Ravi tilts his head. “So, Buck thought you were cheating on him and suddenly fell out of love with him? Wait, I thought he dated that Tommy guy. Oh, are you in an open relationship?”

“No, Buck and I only started dating recently, monogamously.”

Ravi stares at him like he’s grown a second head. He walks away muttering something about, “I will never understand the whole Buck and Eddie thing…”

Eddie doesn’t blame him, honestly, because sometimes he barely gets it either. He wouldn’t change it for the world, though.

He makes eye contact with Maddie and winks at her. She winces slightly but winks back at him.

Now’s the time.

He looks around Bobby and Athena’s backyard, making sure everyone is there as he pats the inside pocket of his jacket where the small box is sitting. He waits for Maddie to stand up and lead Buck to the middle of the yard, where everyone can see them.

As soon as she stands and carefully guides Buck toward him, Eddie’s heart hammers in his chest. He glances Chris’s way and sees him trying to hide his huge, suspicious grin, but he gives up to give his dad a thumbs up.

There’s a loud gasp behind him and the sound of water hitting the ground, and Eddie’s head whips around, watching as a puddle collects under Maddie’s feet.

Eddie completely throws away his plans as he races over and grabs her hand. “You were having contractions this whole time?”

“I didn’t want to ruin the moment,” Maddie whispers back.

“Whatever moment that is, it can wait until after we get you to the hospital,” Buck says, oblivious as ever.

“No!” Maddie practically yells, getting everyone’s attention in quite a different way than was planned. “Edmundo Diaz, you better get on one knee right now.”

Eddie does just that, digging into his pocket as gracelessly as possible, but Buck doesn’t care based on the way his eyes are already wet.

“Evan Buckley, the first day I met you was… a lot. You immediately hated me, but I knew I would do just about anything to change that. And I did.” He gets a laugh from Buck and a slight groan from Maddie. “We promised that we would always have each other’s backs, and, somehow, through everything, we’ve kept that promise.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie can see Chimney’s about ready to throw Maddie over his shoulder and run her out of there.

“This also means having our family’s backs, which means speeding this up so we can get Maddie to the hospital. But, Buck, I love you, and I will make up for all of this in our vows.” He takes a deep breath and smiles. “But first, I have to ask, will you marry me?”

Buck nods, a few tears streaming down his face, beautiful as ever. “Yes.”

Their family cheers around them as Buck kisses him quickly, slides on the ring, and pulls Eddie to his feet. He turns to his family and announces, “Let’s get Maddie to the hospital! Chris, you’re with us!”

On the way out, Maddie asks Buck and Chimney if they’re okay with Eddie driving her. They both share a look, and Maddie teases, “You two can have a fun Bro Day moment with Chris.”

Buck looks like he would rather get struck by lightning, but Chimney nods and turns to Eddie. “You better take care of my wife,” Chimney says tensely before kissing Maddie. “I’ll see you at the hospital, where I will immediately be stealing you back.”

Buck tosses Eddie the keys to the Jeep and winks. “I’ll see you later, fiancé.”

A very red Eddie quickly gets Maddie in the car and drives carefully to the hospital.

She reaches over and squeezes his knee. “I’m so proud of you.”

The words tug at his heart, and Eddie sniffs a bit as tears sting his eyes again. “Again, thank you for sending me that picture and being there to listen to me pine after your brother. I’m sure it was painful to witness.”

“A little,” Maddie jokes with a giggle. “But it was worth it. Even the part when Buck thought we were in love.”

Eddie laughs loudly and squeezes her hand. “I do love you, entirely platonically though.”

“I love you entirely platonically, too.”

A comfortable silence settles between them until Maddie’s next contraction, which Eddie tries to distract her from by asking, “So, why exactly were magnets banned in your house growing up?”

“Maybe we should save that for our next brunch when I’m not about to have a baby in your car.”

“Right,” Eddie says, luckily approaching the hospital, spotting where Chimney is pacing back and forth around the front entrance with Buck and Chris, who are trying their best to calm him down.

When Maddie gets out of the car, she calls out, “I love you!”

 “I love you, too!” Eddie yells back.

Buck turns back to him, jaw dropped as he gestures to where she’s walking off.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I’m going to find parking.”

“Uh, I’ll go with you,” Buck says.

Chris smiles. “I’ll be in the waiting room, Dads.”

Eddie watches Buck try not to vibrate out of his skin at the comment as he kisses Chris on the head. “We’ll see you soon.”

Buck climbs into the passenger seat, and as soon as Eddie has pulled away, he jokes, “Should I be concerned that you’re confessing your love for my sister right before she has her baby?”

“Is this going to be a thing every time we interact?”

Buck leans across the center console and drops his voice. “I mean, there’s definitely a way to prove me wrong, and part of the solution is right under my seat.”

“Buck!”

“What? It can take a while to have a baby.”

Eddie parks and turns to him. “We are not going to miss the birth of our nephew because you wanted to get it on in the parking lot.”

Buck frowns. “Not even a little makeout session… with my fiancé?”

The words almost have Eddie convinced until Bobby and Athena pull up next to them.

“Sorry, future husband, maybe next time.”

Buck perks up. “Future husband…” he trails off, getting all teary-eyed.

“Future husband,” Eddie says again, leaning across to kiss him one time.

There’s a loud knock on their window, and they look up to find Hen looking at them, unimpressed. “Your sister is having a baby, let’s go.”

They both get out of the car, making their way to the waiting room, hand in hand.

Buck leans in, “What about the supply closet?”

“I swear to god, Buck…”

“It’s actually ‘Future Husband’ to you.”

Eddie glances at him, thumb tracing over the ring as he smiles at his fiancé. “It sure is.”

The two of them settle into the uncomfortable seats, Eddie pulling out his phone to pass the time. He grabs Buck's hand when he sees his knee bouncing.

He can feel Buck watching him out of the corner of his eye, so he pulls up his contact, staring at the contact picture that brought them here before editing the name to “Buck (Future Husband).”

Buck squeezes his hand.

Eddie goes to Maddie’s contact and changes the name to “Maddie (Secret Lover).”

Buck shoves him lightly, rolling his eyes and moving to pull their hands away.

Eddie only holds on tighter, bringing their hands to his mouth to kiss the back of Buck’s.

His phone buzzes, and they both glance at the message from Maddie.

(M) brunch tuesday at my place with your fiancé? 😉

“Isn’t she supposed to be having a baby?” Buck asks.

Eddie laughs.

(E) Can’t wait!

(E) Buck will bake whatever you want.

“I’ll do what now?”

Eddie nudges him and stands up. “Come on, we’ve got to get something Maddie left in the car.”

Hen gives them another put-out look, but Karen winks at him and mouths I’ll watch the kids.

For once, Buck knows exactly what’s happening.

As soon as they’re out the front door, he nearly starts skipping. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Eddie says with a laugh.

And for the first time, Eddie knows this is something Buck-related he definitely won’t be telling Maddie about.

[graceisinthelibrary]

I dare you… to do prompt number 9 “I can’t believe you said that” from drabble list #15.

Tiny personal preference for humour over angst this afternoon, but happy with anything really!

Thank you 🙏

Sorry, this took a while, but here we go...

“You should have known better… A man your age shouldn’t take these kinds of risks.” 

“I can’t believe you said that.” Siegfried blinked and stared at his housekeeper who wasn’t even trying to hide her amusement. Audrey Hall was enjoying herself and she was enjoying herself way too much. 

“Why ever not?” She returned the question, her eyes sparkling with the kind of mischief that would delight him under normal circumstances. In this special case, however, he found himself at the receiving end of her wit, and he didn’t appreciate it. “It’s true,” she added with a twinkle in her eye. 

Siegfried looked down on himself, feeling self-conscious. He was barefooted, missing his left sock and there was a big hole all over his right upper thigh. His torn boxers were peeking out and he was glad the part that undoubtedly identified him as a man was hiding on the other side. Otherwise this moment would be even more embarrassing than it already was.  

“Drop them,” she said, now giggling and at least she did him the favour of turning away. “Was it really Buttercup?” She asked while he was slowly peeling out of his shredded clothes. 

“She was in a bad mood,” Siegfried defended himself. “Bloody monster.” 

“You’re only angry because you couldn’t send in Tris,” she retorted. “But then perhaps he would have been quicker…”  

“I was in the ninth circle of hell, Mrs Hall. Some sympathy wouldn’t go amiss.” Exasperated by the suggestion he had been too slow, too old to be precise, to escape from a vicious creature like the sow, he picked up his trousers. In his estimation they were beyond repair and a mawkish feeling of grief overcame him. His housekeeper was right. He was getting old and if he had waited a second longer before jumping over the fence, he would have to mourn more than just his favourite tweed trousers. 

“You’re alive and in one piece,” she reminded him as she turned to him. “But you should leave a beast like Buttercup to James.” 

“I’m perfectly capable of dealing with a bloody sow!” He barked. 

Audrey grabbed the evidence and stretched her arm through the impressive hole in the trousers’ leg. 

“Looks more like the sow was dealing with you. You could have broken your neck!” She told him and now there was no amused sparkle in her grey eyes and the wrinkles that were now grading her forehead were telling a story of their own. 

His housekeeper was worried and she didn’t appreciate his pig-headed behaviour. 

Aware that his beard couldn’t cover the flush that creeped into his cheeks, he avoided her eyes. He mumbled something like, “It wasn’t that bad,” and looked once again down to his feet. His boots and his left sock were still in Buttercup’s pen. In other words they were lost. Lost because he had been too slow, because his good instinct had vacated him. 

With all the energy he could muster, he turned around. He had to find some proper clothes - and what was left of his dignity. 

“Wait!” She called after him. He stopped and his fingers cramped around the doorframe. Hearing her exasperated sigh and her firm footsteps, he waited for a continuation of her annoying albeit justified rant. But then he felt her arms wrapping around his torso from behind. With her hands placed on his chest and her cheek pressed against his shoulder blade, she held him tightly. 

“I need you, Siegfried Farnon,” she said and her voice was almost husky, almost coy. “I can’t lose you to a bloomin’ sow.”

He looked down to her hands. They felt warm even through the layers of his waistcoat and shirt, he felt her grip and his heart beated faster, as if it wanted to jump straight into her tender hands. The possessive gesture made him breathless. 

Feeling the sudden need to have a look at her face, he turned around. Admiring the aristocratic features of her face, beginning with sharp cheekbones and ending with the dimple on her jaw, he ran his thumbs along her face. “I’ll always come home to you. I may lose my trousers in the process, but no bloody sow will ever stop me.” 

“You’ve got to look after yourself!” She pleaded with him, her lower lip quivering.  

“But you already do that,” he quipped gently. “And you do it so effortlessly.” 

He leaned in to kiss her and her arms flew around his neck. As the kiss deepened and they got lost in each other, Siegfried pressed her against the doorframe. Only too aware that he was only half-dressed he felt how his desire for her grew and that there was no way to hide it. 

Her giggle returned as she pressed both of her hands on his bottom, she licked her lips. “Maybe I were too rash in me judgement.” She squeezed his ass and he felt a familiar twitch that made him blush. “You aren’t over the hill,” she whispered.

“Care to join me upstairs…I think your thesis needs further investigation.” The thought of getting this formidable woman upstairs into their bedroom was taking over his entire being. Buttercup’s vicious chase of him became a distant memory while the vision of her body entangled with his sent shivers through his system. He would outrun a thousand Buttercups to achieve the same result - over and over again. 

[thaltro]

Genuine question; where is the line for how SFW discussions about Nightwatch have to be? Like this is not me asking if we can sexualize characters, just checking if we can openly refer to topics like genitalia. It seems like you’re interested in exploring themes of transness (and by extension biological sex) in this story and you included skeletons having ecto bodies (I assume as a way of implementing a gender binary and gender roles in a species that otherwise has no visual form of sexual dimorphism), which sort of alludes to the existence of a conversation about how sexuality works in this world that could be explored. It’s obvious from the boundaries post that anything graphic and references to specific sexual acts is off limits, but would talking about how the magical equivalent of bottom surgery would work or which parents would opt out of their kid having to take a Sex Ed class be allowed?

Nightwatch is already kinda not fully sfw, I’ll probably have to update my boundaries because of it tbh

No nobody is having sex but there’s a lot of torture, gore, discussions about sexual assault, child abuse, and a big overarching theme of suicide and self harm.

I’ll put warnings and have an advisory for mature themes but it’s already pretty dark I guess.

I’m not gonna show or describe reproductive parts- exploring dream being intersex and trans I don’t really see as nsfw I guess? There is world building for how sex and gender are constructed for monsters. For monsters they have many different common ways of presenting both physically and gender wise- so their idea of gender/sex is much more flexible and fluid then humans.

If a monster was trans then they typically would go through a magical transition, if they have no access to magic they would take injectable artificial magic from a hospital.

But I don’t really see an issue with talking about scientific biology because I put an effort in that lore.

Regarding my current boundaries, atm it is just not having people interact with me sexually. I won’t post sexually explicit content and I don’t want people asking me too. If people do make nsfw (just sex stuff I’m referring to really) of nightwatch (I really doubt it would get that big to even need a statement like this) I’d just want them to keep it in spaces that minors can’t easily find or access- also know the risk that I might see it because I’m like a hawk on all fanart.

I encourage horror art or art that matches the more mature themes- because that’s what nightwatch is I guess. That also goes for discussions on themes in it. If there is any at all lol,,because my expectations for fandom size is low

[fantasticfourthwingimagines]

Exactly What I Want Pairing - Bodhi Durran x Scribe!Reader Summary - When you hear about the Section Leader of Fourth Wing getting attacked, you have to sneak into the Rider's Quadrant to see if he's okay. Word Count - 3.4k Warning - SMUT, language, really fluffy. If you want a song to listen to while reading this, I recommend Shelter by Sleep Token!

In your almost three years at Basgaith, this might be one of the most reckless things you have ever done. Every step echoed with the risk of getting caught, your eyes flickered over your shoulder, waiting for someone to realize that you shouldn’t be here. Scribes weren’t allowed in the Riders’ Quadrant without express permission, much less their sleeping quarters, but you couldn’t wait. You pulled Bodhi’s flight jacket tighter around your frame as a group of Riders passed. They didn’t even spare you a glance. Was wearing a flight jacket all the camouflage you needed? 

Apparently so, because a minute later you were standing at Bodhi’s door, knocking softly, still checking the hallway like someone might sound an alarm. 

Then the door opened, and there he was. 

A breath slipped out, and the tightness in your chest eased. He was okay. 

Bodhi blinked, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing, and then he was beaming. That smile made your heart stutter. You still couldn’t believe that someone like him looked at you like that. There was so much warmth in his eyes, so much affection there that you felt unworthy. “Well,” he said, leaning against the doorframe, “look who’s breaking the rules now.” 

You glanced over your shoulder again, nerves still coiled tight in your stomach. “I - I heard some riders talking about the section leader of the fourth wing - how he got attacked. I had to make sure you were okay.” 

Bodhi’s face softened, and without another word, he pulled you inside. 

As soon as the door clicked shut, he wrapped you in his arms, and you melted. This was what you needed. The steady weight of his chest pressed against yours. The warmth of his skin under your fingertips. You were startled to realize something you hadn’t admitted before: your safe place wasn’t the Archives anymore. It was him. 

“You’re okay?” You mumbled into his chest, your arms wrapping tight around him. 

“Other guy is much worse off, I promise.” He kissed the top of your head. 

You stayed quiet for a moment, letting his touch reassure you. He didn’t seem to mind, his hand moving up and down your back, grounding you. Finally, you managed to speak the words that you had been thinking about for weeks. “I feel helpless Bodhi.” 

He pulled back, and caught your gaze. “What do you mean?” 

You bit your lip. “You’re constantly putting your life at risk, trying your best to help the helpless, and I love that about you so much.” Your hand slid up over his chest, over the steady beat of his heart. “Meanwhile I’m stuck in the Archives helping cover up lies that are undermining everything you’re trying to do. I hate it.” Your fingers curled in his shirt, holding on like it was the only way to keep from breaking. 

Bodhi’s hand slid lower along your back, pulling you more firmly against him. “You’re doing everything you can.” He tried to reassure you. 

“I’m doing nothing! You could get yourself killed at any moment, and I can’t stop it. I’m not even helping.” Your fingers brushed over the purple bruise on his jaw, frowning at the sight. 

Bodhi caught your hand and held it to his cheek, leaning into the touch. “I swear to you, the moment there’s something you can do I’ll bring you into it, but right now-”

“There’s nothing,” you finished for him, the bitterness slipping through before you could stop it. 

Bodhi turned into your palm, his eyes slipping closed as he pressed a kiss there. “No, there’s something you can do, but you’re already doing it.” 

What? Your brow furrowed as you tried to figure out what he was talking about, but your mind kept coming up blank. You weren’t doing anything to help the rebellion, or revolution as they preferred to call it. “I’m not doing anything, Bodhi, that’s the problem.” You reminded him. 

He shook his head, giving you another one of those smiles that made your knees go weak every time. “You’re giving me something to fight for. A reason to try and make this place better instead of burning it to the ground for what they’ve done. For what they’re still doing.” He brushed his thumb across your hand.

If you didn’t already love this man with every piece of yourself, this might’ve sealed it. You couldn’t think of a single thing you had done to deserve him, or the devotion in his voice. But you had him, and if you had anything to say about it, you were never letting him go. “How do you always know what to say?” You asked, unable to stop the smile tugging at your lips. 

“Unlike my cousin,” he said, pulling your arm around his shoulders so he could nuzzle into your neck, “I find being honest is what helps you get and keep the girl.” Then he pressed a soft kiss to your skin. 

Your eyes fluttered shut, a soft sound escaping your lips. “It’s definitely one of the reasons I love you so much.” You whispered. 

His arms tightened around you, a pleased hum rising from his chest. “I love when you say that.” He murmured against your skin, his lips trailing to a sensitive spot on your neck that had your fingers digging into his skin. 

It took you a moment to respond, your thoughts hazy beneath the warmth of his mouth. “That I love you?” 

“Mhmm.” Bodhi’s lips wandered lower, brushing the edge of his flight jacket. “Love being reminded that the person I love . . . loves me back.” 

The realization hit you all at once. You were wasting time. You’d spent so long being nervous that you weren’t going to be good at it, or that you’d do something wrong, and it would ruin what the two of you had, but . . . you loved him, and Bodhi loved you. That wasn’t going to change.

There was only one more thing left to trust him with. 

Your fingers slipped into his curls as you drew in a breath. “Bodhi?”

“Mhmm?” He said, still far too focused on the excellent work he was doing with his lips. 

“I’m ready.” You said before you could overthink it. 

He stilled, and you knew he understood what you meant. Bodhi pulled back enough to meet your eyes, searching for even a flicker of doubt. “Are you sure? You know I’ll wait as long as you need to.” 

You smiled, soft and certain. “I know. That’s why I’m ready.” 

Bodhi’s eyes warmed with affection - and mischief. “Then I guess this is the part where I start taking off your clothes,” he said, voice low, “but I’ve got a bit of a problem.” 

A flicker of uncertainty tightened in your chest. Did he . . . not want to take off your clothes? “What?” 

Bodhi’s arms slid down from your waist, and you bit your lip as they landed on your ass. “I really fucking love how you look in my flight jacket.” 

Whatever flicker of insecurity you felt vanished. You shook your head at him with a smile, and pushed him backwards until he was sitting on his bed. His hands stayed on your ass, but you slipped the jacket off, your shirt following moments later. 

He swallowed hard, his eyes tracing every inch of exposed skin as if to memorize it. Shivers danced down your spine as he pulled you between his thighs. “Okay I changed my mind.” He breathed. “You’re fucking gorgeous without my flight jacket.” 

A little laugh left your lips that turned to a gasp as Bodhi grabbed you and pulled you onto his bed, rolling so he was on top of you. He braced himself on his elbows, and reached out to brush some hair from your face. “Are you sure about this?” He asked again, quieter this time. 

“I’m sure.” You said without a second of doubt. “I want you, Bodhi. All of you.” You meant it. Every piece of him that he was willing to give, you wanted it. In return, you’d give him everything you had. He’d earned that. He had earned your heart, your trust, and your love.

Something in your eyes made him smile, and he leaned down to kiss your cheek, lowering his body to press against yours. “You’re going to tell me if I need to stop, right?” 

You nodded, but based on previous experience, you didn’t think you were going to have to do that. 

His lips left a trail from your cheek across your jaw, then down the length of your throat. 

You closed your eyes, surrendering to the heat blooming beneath every place he touched until he stopped at the band around your breasts. “Can I?” You heard him ask. 

“Yes,” you breathed, wanting nothing more in that moment than for him to remove the band, and put those soft, full lips on you. 

Bodhi didn’t hesitate, sliding it up and off of you, then immediately bringing his mouth around your nipple.

Pleasure sparked down your spine, and you arched into him, your fingers sliding up to tangle in his thick, dark hair, attempting to hold him there. You let out a whimper as his other hand reached up to play with your neglected breast. Gods it felt so good. Bodhi knew exactly what to do to set your whole body on fire, and instead of the anxiety you were afraid you were going to feel, all you wanted was more. “Please take your shirt off.” You murmured, surprising yourself. 

Bodhi sat up, seemingly surprised as well, but grinned down at you as he slipped his shirt off over his head, tossing it in the room somewhere behind him. 

You’d seen him shirtless, but somehow your brain forgot how stunning he was each time. Your hands roamed over the hard lines of his chest, down the ridges of his abs, marveling at how his muscles tensed beneath your touch. His skin was smooth, sun-warmed, but here and there, your fingers brushed over scars. 

You wanted to kiss every single one. 

His hand found yours right at the edge of his pants. He held it, and laced his fingers through yours. “You’ve got to stop looking at me like that.” 

“Why?” You asked, bringing your gaze back up to him. 

He lifted your joined hands to his lips, kissing your knuckles before pinning your hand beside you. “Because I want to take my time with you.” He said, voice husky as he pressed a kiss low on your stomach. “And that look . . . it’s about three seconds from making me lose every shred of self-control I’ve got.” 

You slipped your hands back in his hair, giving him a soft smile. “I can’t help the way I look at you.” 

Bodhi’s lips trailed further down your stomach, stopping above your waistband where his hands took over, sliding your pants and underwear right down your hips and to the floor somewhere behind you. “Guess I’ll just have to make it where you can’t keep your eyes open.” He said, slipping your legs over his shoulders. 

“What do you mean - oh. Oh!” Your hips arched off the bed as his tongue slid up your slit and his lips wrapped around your clit. 

Bodhi had gone down on you, several times in fact, but there was something different this time. Maybe it was that you both knew what this was leading to, or maybe he’d been holding back on you. Either way, the man’s tongue moved with no hesitations and an expert technique that had you making noises that you were only slightly embarrassed by. By the time he slid two fingers inside of you, he was having to hold you down with an arm to your hips. Then he curled his fingers and you practically yanked his hair out. “Bodhi!” 

You could feel him chuckle against you for a moment, pressing a quick kiss to your inner thigh before his lips and tongue went back to work. 

Gods you’d never felt an orgasm build up so fast, but the tension in your lower stomach was undeniable. You were dangling over the precipice, seconds from exploding. “Bodhi, I’m about to-” Your words cut off with a loud moan as he curled his fingers once again, but you held on, right at the edge of intense pleasure. 

Bodhi pulled his mouth off you, but kept his fingers thrusting in and out of you at a lazy pace. “Let go baby.” He said, and you whined as he pressed a few soft kisses to your thighs. “I’ve got you.” He promised, and without another word, brought his mouth back around you, pressing his tongue right against your clit with the perfect amount of pressure. 

You went stumbling straight over the cliff, your eyes closed as warmth flooded your whole body. You couldn’t think; you barely remembered to breathe as white hot pleasure exploded in a wave that took you under. 

Bodhi worked you through it, only pulling off of you when your breathing had returned to normal. “I’m never going to get sick of this view.” He murmured as he kissed his way back up your body. 

“And I’m never going to get sick of you doing that.” You murmured, slipping your hands around his neck and into his hair. He pressed a brief, sweet kiss against your lips. “Mhmm, now take off the rest of your clothes.” 

He chuckled, but reached down to unbutton and slide off his pants and underwear. “You’re being demanding tonight. I think I like it.” 

You usually weren’t, due to your lack of experience, but being with Bodhi put you at such an ease that you felt safe to ask for what you wanted. At the realization, a soft smile formed on your face. “I guess I’m just tired of waiting to find out what it feels like to have you inside of me.” 

His smile was affectionate as he settled back between your thighs. He rested on his palms, keeping his weight off of you, biting his lip as he looked down at you. “This is your last chance to back out if you don’t want this, because once I’m inside you, I don’t think I’m going to be able to stop.” He admitted. 

You knew he would though, if you asked him too, but you couldn’t imagine a single situation where you would want him too. “I want you. All of you.” You slid your hand down his chest and gripped him, brushing your thumb across the head of his cock and spreading the wetness you found there. 

His whole body tensed at your touch, and he leaned down to meet your lips in a sweet kiss as he lowered his hips against yours. 

You guided him right where you wanted him, then let go, letting him be in charge of the pace as he slid inside of you. Your hands slid up to his shoulders, digging into the skin as he continued to push. Gods he felt incredible. It was like he was made to fit perfectly inside your body. Every new inch he pressed in had your heart rate skyrocketing until he bottomed out. You’d never felt so full, and a moan left your lips as Bodhi began pressing kisses against your neck. 

“You okay, baby?” He asked between kisses, his hand rubbing soothing circles into your hip. 

“Mhmm, you feel so good.” You told him, arching your hips up into him and letting out another moan at the friction it created. 

“You feel even better than I imagined.” Bodhi murmured against your skin, and let out a groan as you rolled your hips against him. “Gods.” He slid partially out of you, then back in, this time meeting your lips with a kiss when he did. 

It was slow and sexy, and when you parted your lips, his tongue moved in time with his hips, heightening the pleasure coursing through your body. The sensations were overwhelming and beautiful. You’d never experienced anything so intense. You’d also never had sex with someone you loved before either though. You felt like it made this moment a million times better. 

He slid his hand down from your hip to your thigh, hiking it up around his hip. As soon as he did, he was hitting a new angle, deeper, and you cried out his name in surprise. It didn’t make him pause, in fact he sped up his pace, rocking into you even faster as you lifted your other leg to join the first around his hips. 

The way he moved inside you built pleasure faster than you would have ever thought possible. Everything about this moment seemed to amplify it; the way Bodhi had looked into your eyes with nothing but love and desire, the sounds your bodies made every time they met, the dark, smoky scent that clung to his skin, the taste of yourself on his tongue, the way every drag of his cock gave the perfect friction for you. 

When he pulled away, your lips followed him, wanting more, but he trailed his lips across your skin. “You’re so fucking perfect. I’m not going to last as long as I want to.” Bodhi admitted. 

Thank Dunne, because you knew you weren’t going to be able to last much longer either. He felt too damn good. “It’s okay,” you panted, still breathless from his kiss. “We’ve got time.” You told him, brushing one of your hands through his hair so you could see his beautiful face better. 

At least you prayed that you did. 

The words made Bodhi lean down and kiss you again, capturing your gasp as he thrust into you hard, sending a stab of pleasure through you so intense that you clenched around him. “Fuck, love you so much.” He groaned against your lips, his hand tightening around you hard enough you were sure it was going to leave a bruise. 

“I love you too, Bod-Bodhi!” If anyone was outside his door, they definitely heard you yell his name, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care as his lips traveled to your breast and he sucked your nipple into his mouth. Oh gods it was too much. It felt so good it overwhelmed all your senses, and all you could focus on was the heat rising in your stomach. You could feel yourself teetering right over the edge of an abyss of pleasure, and desperate for it, you started moving your hips in time with his as best you could, clenching down on him every time he thrust inside you. 

He made the sexiest groan you’d ever heard in your life, and let his teeth scrape across your nipple with a hard thrust that hit a spot inside of you that sent you over the edge. 

You called out his name as it consumed you, your hands tightening into fists into his hair, and you felt yourself pulse around him. You had no thoughts, no feelings except how damn good this felt. 

When the feeling finally started to dim, you heard Bodhi cursing, still thrusting into you, once, twice, and then letting out a grunt as he released inside of you, the tension in his body slowly leaving as he eased himself down on top of you. 

Gods, why had you waited so long to do this with him? One of the dumbest decisions of your life. You let your fists unclench, your fingers sliding into his soft hair as your breathing evened out. A satisfied smile curved your lips as Bodhi began pressing featherlight kisses along your neck. 

“You know,” Bodhi murmured against your skin, “I think we have a problem.” 

You frowned, confused. A problem? After that? You’d never felt more amazing in your life. “What?” You asked cautiously. 

He looked up, catching your expression, and gave you a smile so adorable it nearly knocked the breath out of you. “I don’t think I can go a full day without this now.” You giggled as he gripped your hips and rolled you on top of him, his grin full of playful mischief. “I think my limit’s more like twelve hours. Maybe less.” 

“You’re ridiculous, Bodhi Durran.” You said, grinning as you leaned down to nip at his bottom lip. 

“For you?” He said, voice low and smug. “Absolutely.”

[sinnisterlight]

𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙥𝙞𝙩𝙮 by bts

wc: 2,313 emotional yearning with a side of emotionally constipated caleb please!

Caleb had always been like this. So oblivious it was almost a talent. Back in high school, girls would fall head over heels for him, and he wouldn’t even notice. Not a clue! And yet—he’d look at me with this softness, this quiet kind of attention that felt different. Obvious. Painfully obvious. To everyone but him. And somehow, it never changed. Years passed, and he’s still the same—still looking at me like that, still not realizing what it means.

Which brings us to today.

We were in his apartment in Skyhaven—Caleb, Gideon, and me—just hanging out, doing nothing and everything at once. Caleb had been buzzing around like usual, pouring tea for us like he’d been raised in a royal court, fussing over whether we were too cold or too warm, and teasing me about how I always stole his side of the couch. It was the kind of domestic comfort that made it really hard to remember we weren’t a couple.

Gideon, for once, was quiet. Watching. His eyes kept darting between me and Caleb, and I could almost hear the gears turning in his head. I knew that look. He was about to start some nonsense.

But then Caleb stood up and grabbed his jacket.

— I’m just gonna run to the store real quick, to make us dinner, shouldn’t take long. You two behave.

He gave us a grin and ruffled my hair—again with the hair—before heading to the door.

— Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, — he called over his shoulder.

The second the door clicked shut, I let out a long, dramatic sigh and sank down into a crouch, burying my face in my hands.

— How can he be so stupid!? — I groaned into my palms, muffled but loud enough for Gideon to hear.

I heard a low chuckle above me.

— I’ve been asking myself that for years.

I looked up at him, completely exasperated.

— It’s so obvious! I mean, you see it, right?

— Please, I’m not blind. The way you two act? I thought you were already dating until, like, ten minutes ago.

— Exactly! — I stood up, throwing my hands in the air. — He looks at me like I hung the stars, but he’ll never admit it. Never cross that line. He’s so sure we’re just friends.

Gideon leaned back on the couch, arms crossed, smirking.

— Honestly, I thought he was being subtle on purpose. You know, some kind of long game.

— Oh no. There is no game. That man genuinely believes “platonic cuddling” is a thing.

Gideon raised an eyebrow. — He cuddles you?

I narrowed my eyes. — He calls it “keeping me warm” and then drapes himself over me like a human blanket.

Gideon whistled, clearly amused. — Damn. He really is a lost cause.

— I’ve dropped every hint in the galaxy, and nothing. I could wear a shirt that says “I like you, idiot” and he’d probably say “nice shirt” and move on.

Gideon tilted his head, thoughtful. Then he smiled. That mischievous Gideon smile that always meant trouble.

— Well... what if we gave him a little push?

I folded my arms, suspicious. — What kind of push?

He grinned.

— Let’s see how he likes it if I start acting like he does with you. All the little touches, the inside jokes, the laughs. Let’s see if it finally hits him.

I blinked. — You want to pretend we’re each other?

— Not completely. Just... mirror the energy. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

I narrowed my eyes, then slowly, a wicked grin formed on my face.

— You’re evil.

— I prefer “brilliant.”

— Alright, but we keep it subtle. I’m not risking an actual scandal.

— Subtle is my middle name.

(Which was a lie, but I let it slide.)

And so, we waited.

ᯓ★

When Caleb came back, he pushed the door open with the ease of someone who lived in a constant state of mild chaos. One hand full of grocery bags, the other already reaching to close the door with his foot.

— I’m back—wow, what did I miss? You two look suspicious.

I was sitting closer to Gideon than usual. Not by much, just enough to make Caleb blink. Gideon was mid-laugh, and my hand was resting casually on his arm as if we were sharing some ridiculous inside joke.

— Oh, nothing, — I said, way too casually, as I leaned into Gideon’s shoulder just enough to make Caleb’s brow twitch. — We were just talking about that show I’m obsessed with. Turns out Gideon watches it too!

— You watch Starflame Eclipse: Rebirth? — Caleb asked, raising an eyebrow at Gideon as he carried the bags into the kitchen.

Gideon shrugged. — Guilty. Huge fan of the whole space-opera-messy-romance genre.

— I thought you said it was "galactic soap with laser guns." — Caleb peered at him from behind the kitchen counter.

— It is, — Gideon grinned. — But I love it.

I nodded enthusiastically, turning to Gideon with dramatic passion in my eyes. — Finally! Someone who gets it! The character arcs, the betrayal, the outfits—!

— The emotional damage, — Gideon added, dead serious. — The emotional damage, — I echoed, grabbing his hand in a mock solemn pact of pain.

Caleb dropped a spoon.

Just a spoon, but I heard it. And the silence that followed felt heavier than it should have.

He emerged from the kitchen with two mugs of tea, one for me and one for Gideon, his expression unreadable. Still that same polite calm, but I could see it—the micro-glitches in his routine.

He handed Gideon his mug first.

That never happened.

— So... when did you two start bonding over this? — he asked, walking around the couch to sit across from us, his voice light but edged with something else.

I tilted my head innocently. — Just now. It was fate.

Gideon took a sip of tea. — She was ranting about Episode 19 and I said “yeah, that scene wrecked me” and it was over.

I leaned into Gideon again, giving Caleb a sweet, almost teasing smile. — Honestly, I feel so seen.

Caleb nodded slowly, his gaze flicking between us. — Yeah. That’s... great. Glad you finally found someone who understands your weird obsession.

There it was. The smallest frown. The barely-there shift in tone. A flash of something he didn’t recognize in himself.

I bit back a smile. Step one: successful confusion.

Then Gideon turned it up a notch. He bumped my knee with his, then looked at me and said, completely deadpan: — Want to rewatch that scene later? I’ve got tissues ready.

— You know the way to my heart, — I sighed dramatically, hand over chest.

Caleb inhaled slowly and stood up, stretching as if he just so happened to need a moment. — I’ll uh... be in the kitchen. Yell if you need anything.

He walked away, but not before shooting one last look over his shoulder. His eyes flicked to where my hand still rested lightly on Gideon’s knee.

Gideon waited until he was out of earshot before whispering:

— He totally noticed.

I grinned, wickedly pleased. — Told you.

And so, Operation Make-Caleb-Feel-It had officially begun.

ᯓ★

Gideon leaned in slightly when Caleb disappeared toward the back of the apartment again, pretending to inspect a cereal box or something equally unimportant.

— You should go grab some napkins or something, — he said under his breath, far too casual. — Y’know… kitchen’s probably missing you.

I shot him a look, but he was already grinning.

— You’re enjoying this way too much.

— Can you blame me? This is the best kind of drama—other people’s.

I sighed, stood up, and made a show of stretching.

— I’ll go get some napkins, I guess, — I said just loud enough for Caleb to hear.

I found him in the kitchen, leaning over the counter, reorganizing grocery bags like he was prepping for war. He was a little too focused on flattening a tea box.

— Need help? — I asked, already opening the drawer where I knew he kept the napkins.

— You? — he said without looking up. — I thought you’d be too busy bonding with your new soul-twin over space soap operas and dramatic kisses.

I froze for a second, napkin in hand. Was that… jealousy?

— Wow, — I said, raising an eyebrow. — That’s a very specific summary.

He finally turned, leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed. His posture was relaxed, but his eyes… they were trying to read me.

— Just saying. You two looked pretty cozy. I didn’t know you liked Gideon that much.

— We’re getting along, that’s all. He’s funny. Easy to talk to. You know that.

— Sure. A pause. — Just… didn’t know you two were that close.

The way he said it—it wasn’t sharp. It wasn’t cold. But it lingered. Like something he didn’t understand and didn’t quite like.

I shrugged, placing the napkins on the island.

— I mean, I thought you’d be happy. I’m finally making friends in Skyhaven.

— I am happy, — he said immediately. But something in his voice didn’t match.

— It’s just... you’ve always been mine, you know?

Silence.

I blinked.

So did he.

— Wait— I mean, not mine mine. Not like that— I just meant—like—my person. You’ve always been... around. With me. You get it, right?

He looked at me with that face. The one he used when he’d pass me his jacket without asking. When he’d wait up just so I wouldn’t walk home alone. When he’d remember things I said once, a long time ago, and pretend it wasn’t a big deal.

He didn’t say it. But he did it. Always.

— Yeah, — I said softly. — I get it.

Our eyes held for a beat too long.

Then he cleared his throat, breaking the moment.

— Anyway. I got that tea you like.

He handed it to me like nothing had just happened. Like he hadn’t casually dropped an emotional grenade.

I took it, my fingers brushing his, and smiled. — Thanks.

From the living room, Gideon called out, — Are the napkins made of silk or what?

Caleb smiled, too. Still unaware of why his chest suddenly felt tight.

I left the kitchen with the napkins in hand, my thoughts a mess of Caleb's voice echoing in my head — you’ve always been mine — and the way he’d said it like it meant nothing when it meant everything.

I handed the napkins to Gideon and gave him a look that probably said more than it should.

— I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick, — I said, more distracted than I meant to.

Gideon raised an eyebrow but nodded, tossing me a silent “good luck with your feelings” look as I slipped down the hall.

The moment the bathroom door clicked shut, Caleb stepped back into the room. He carried two bowls with chips, one in each hand — his usual distraction tactic.

Gideon didn’t look up at first, just accepted one of the bowls when Caleb handed it over.

— Thanks, Captain. You survived napkin duty?

— Barely, — Caleb muttered, settling onto the couch.

A moment passed in silence. Then:

— She seems… comfortable with you. Lately.

Gideon smirked, not bothering to look subtle about it.

— Comfortable? Is that your word for it?

Caleb frowned slightly, eyes flickering toward the hallway as if he could see through walls.

— Just... she’s different around you. And you’re different with her.

— Maybe she just finally realized I’m charming as hell. He took a long sip of his tea. — Why? Bother you?

Caleb scoffed, too quick.

— No. Just noticing. That’s all.

Gideon leaned back, eyeing him over the rim of his mug. — Huh. And here I thought you’d be relieved she had someone else watching over her for once.

That hit something.

Caleb shifted slightly, brows knitting.

— What’s that supposed to mean?

Gideon tilted his head, considering. Then, lightly:

— It means you’ve been acting like her personal guardian angel since forever, but the moment someone else steps in — someone she laughs with, someone she leans on — you start asking questions.

Caleb didn’t answer. Not right away.

Gideon leaned forward a bit, tone softer but still teasing:

— You’re not jealous, are you?

Caleb’s eyes narrowed, defensive out of instinct more than certainty.

— Of course not.

Gideon raised both hands in surrender.

— Alright, alright. Just checking. A pause. — I mean, I’d get it. If I were in your shoes… and I saw her with someone else, I might start realizing a few things.

Caleb stared at him. Not angry. Just… lost in thought.

And that was new.

Very new.

ᯓ★

By the time I came back from the bathroom, they were both pretending like they hadn’t just paused the world in my absence.

Caleb was back on the couch, legs sprawled in that effortless way of his, tea mug balanced on his knee like he didn’t have a single intrusive thought in his life. Gideon, on the other hand, was biting the rim of his cup and definitely not making eye contact with me.

— Took you long enough, — Caleb said without looking up.

— There was a line, — I answered, settling next to Gideon. Or trying to.

But just as I was about to sit down beside him, Caleb shifted—very subtly, but deliberately—patting the empty spot between him and the armrest.

— Hey. Come sit here. It’s your show, isn’t it?

He wasn’t even looking at me when he said it. Just kept his eyes on the screen, casual. Too casual.

I blinked.

Gideon blinked.

I slowly turned to look at him, already halfway onto the cushion next to him.

Gideon, still mid-sip, caught my expression and followed my gaze to Caleb’s hand, still tapping the space next to him like I hadn’t just made a perfectly reasonable choice to sit anywhere else.

Then he saw Caleb’s face — calm, steady, but with the tiniest twitch at the corner of his mouth — and that was it.

Gideon choked on his tea.

— You good? — I asked, concerned.

— Peachy, — he wheezed, coughing into his sleeve and turning slightly away, clearly fighting for his life not to burst out laughing.

I hesitated, then stood back up slowly and walked over to Caleb, who, by now, had finally looked up at me with the most innocent pair of eyes I’d ever seen on a man who’d just marked his territory with a cushion.

He tilted his head.

— You are obsessed with episode 19, aren’t you? Thought you’d want the best seat.

I narrowed my eyes.

— I was fine where I was.

He shrugged, eyes sparkling with something dangerous.

— I wasn’t.

Gideon made a noise that might have been another cough or might have been a muffled laughing into his hoodie sound. Hard to tell.

I sat down slowly, still watching Caleb.

He didn’t even try to hide the smile that curled at the corner of his mouth.

And for the first time in a long time…

…I wasn’t sure if I was the one playing games anymore.

We’d barely made it ten minutes into the episode when I felt it — Caleb shifting just slightly closer to me. Not enough to make it obvious, but enough that I noticed the way our arms nearly touched. The way his shoulder leaned just a little toward mine whenever he laughed at a scene.

He wasn’t usually this... still. Or quiet. Caleb was always commenting, always gesturing, always doing. But tonight, he seemed content to just be there, next to me. Eyes flickering to mine every now and then like he was checking to see if I noticed.

I did.

Gideon, sitting to the side with his mug now cold, was watching both the screen and us. Less focused on the drama playing out in episode 19, and much more focused on the slow, subtle drama playing out right in front of him.

When Caleb reached for the blanket draped over the back of the couch and, without asking, gently placed it over my legs like it was the most normal thing in the world, I didn’t say anything.

But Gideon choked for the second time that night.

— You okay? — Caleb asked, turning toward him without moving the rest of his body, like even his attention had a radius now, limited to whoever was within touching distance.

— Yeah, I just… remembered I have to be up early. — Gideon stood abruptly, leaving his mug on the table. — Super early. Painfully early. In fact, I’m late for being early.

I raised an eyebrow.

— You’re spending the night.

— Not anymore. I wouldn’t want to, uh... interrupt your soap-based bonding ritual. Besides—he flashed Caleb a grin—seems like you’ve got things under control.

Caleb looked mildly confused, which only made Gideon smile wider.

— Anyway. Goodnight, lovebirds.

And with that, he grabbed his jacket and keys, and was out the door before either of us could stop him.

The door clicked shut behind him.

Silence.

I turned back to the screen, pretending my heart wasn’t pounding in my ears. Caleb stayed quiet for a beat longer before murmuring:

— He’s acting weird tonight.

I didn’t dare look at him when I said:

— You think so?

He hummed.

— You’re not cold, are you? — Not really. But he still tugged the blanket up, brushing his hand against mine and letting it stay there for just a second too long.

Then he shifted again.

Not closer this time — actually, a little farther. He leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling with a loud, dramatic sigh that came out of nowhere.

— I don’t get it.

I blinked.

— Get what?

He stayed like that, eyes still pointed upwards, like the answers were written on the ceiling tiles.

— You and Gideon.

Oh. So that’s what this was.

I stayed quiet, because something in his voice told me this wasn’t a casual question.

— You barely know him, but suddenly you’re watching shows together and laughing at everything he says, and going to the kitchen for, what, serviettes together like it’s some kind of secret mission—

— Are you... jealous?

The words slipped out of me before I could stop them. Not teasing. Not light. Just… honest.

His head snapped toward me so fast I half expected whiplash.

— What? No. No. I just think—he’s not as funny as you pretend he is, that’s all.

I raised an eyebrow.

— Caleb.

— And he always acts like he knows everything about you, but he doesn’t. Not really. He just met you. He doesn’t know that you always skip the opening theme if you’re sad, or that you pretend to hate rom-coms but always rewatch the same three when you’re sick. He doesn’t know you freeze when you're anxious or that you bite the inside of your cheek when you’re holding back something. He doesn’t know—

He stopped. Too late.

The room went quiet again, but this time it felt loaded. Breathing felt different.

I turned toward him slowly.

— You notice those things?

He blinked. Then looked down at his hands like they’d just betrayed him in a court of law.

— Of course I do, — he muttered, softer. — I’ve always noticed.

My throat felt tight.

— Then why do you always act like you don’t?

He rubbed the back of his neck, as if trying to physically erase the words out of the air.

— Because if I let myself act like I do— he hesitated, then looked at me, finally, really looked. — I wouldn’t know how to stop.

I stared at him.

He wasn’t joking.

He wasn’t playing dumb.

He looked… terrified.

My heart ached. Ached in that stubborn, beautiful way only he could make it ache.

And still, he managed to sound defensive when he added:

— And maybe I didn’t like the way he looked at you.

— Why?

— Because you looked back.

Silence again.

And then—

— What if I told you, I only did it to make you jealous?

His jaw clenched, and he sat up a little straighter.

— I’d say you succeeded.

— And if I told you it wasn’t just to tease you?

That finally made him pause.

He stared at me like he was trying to figure out if he was dreaming. Then, voice hoarse:

— Then I’d ask what it meant.

I swallowed.

— You already know what it means.

He leaned in, slow and unsure, like he was waiting for a trap to spring.

— Say it anyway.

So I did.

And this time, he didn’t move away.

Caleb's breath caught, his eyes flickering between mine like he was trying to decide whether to keep holding back or just... let go.

I could feel the weight of it — the years of quiet feelings he’d buried, the distance he’d kept, the way he had always tried to pretend like none of this mattered.

But it did. And I needed him to know it.

I reached out, hesitating for a moment, before placing my hand on his chest. His heartbeat was strong, steady, and it made the room feel warmer, closer.

— Caleb... — I whispered, almost as if the word itself was enough to pull him back from whatever distant place he had been hiding in.

He swallowed, his eyes still wide, and his lips parted like he had something to say. But nothing came out.

And that was when I realized.

He wasn’t going to move.

So, I did.

I closed the distance between us in one slow, almost deliberate motion, until the air between us was too thin to hold anything back. I leaned in, and my breath mingled with his, the warmth of his lips so close, yet still an eternity away.

— I don’t want you to pretend anymore, Caleb, — I murmured, my voice barely a whisper. — I want you to feel what I feel.

And then, with all the courage I could muster, I pressed my lips against his.

It was soft at first, just a gentle meeting of lips, as if he couldn’t quite believe it was real. His hands came up to cradle my face, pulling me in closer, deepening the kiss as his uncertainty melted away.

I could feel him smile against my lips, and it made my heart flutter.

When we finally pulled away, his forehead rested against mine, and he was breathing heavily, like he’d just run a race.

— You’re sure? — he asked, his voice rough and vulnerable, something I rarely heard from him.

I nodded, a soft laugh escaping me.

— I’ve been sure for a long time, Caleb.

And then, as if on cue, his puppy eyes returned — soft, warm, full of something sweet and terrifying all at once. He smiled, his thumb gently brushing over my cheek.

— I’m a mess, aren’t I? — he said, and I couldn’t help but laugh softly.

— Just a little, — I teased, my hand reaching for his, holding it tightly.

He chuckled, shaking his head as if he couldn’t quite believe everything that was happening.

— So, what now? — he asked, still with that hint of uncertainty in his voice.

I smiled, tracing a line down his arm, feeling his muscles tense under my touch.

— Now? Now, we just… see where this goes. Together.

He grinned, his eyes lighting up in a way I hadn’t seen before.

— Together, huh? That sounds pretty good.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt like everything was excatly where it was meant to be.

[zu-is-here]

Hey!! I love your dark cream comics so much (I’m insane for cream and your story) Sorry if this is a bit long and confusing and random, but this has been in my brain for a while.

So what was Cross’s reasoning for wanting Dream to be the one to have their child, knowing Dream is still physically weak and not ready for this? Was Cross aware that Dream was still weakened, and wanted Dream to be the carrier anyway? Or did Dream convince Cross that he was ok, making Cross unaware of his condition? I also saw that Nightmare was quite concerned that Dream was planning to have a child, knowing his brother is still damaged from the curse. Did Cross and Dream ever have a conversation laying out the risks of Dream carrying a child? I don’t think Cross would knowingly put Dream in danger. I wonder what made Cross want to take that risk with Dream (or not knowingly?)/what conversations they might have had about this topic.

ahh sorry for the wall of text, hehe

I hope you have a great day :3

Hii!╰(*´︶`*)╯I'm really flattered to hear it, thank you so much for your interest and questions! <3 Gonna explain in order and detail to make it all clear, but the short answers to your ask will be purple (•̀ᴗ•́)و☆

CREAM COMIC

Cross originally desired to have a family again after losing his home and everyone from XTale, and he was determined to make it happen with Dream.

We can see him acting as the leader in their couple, who takes first steps — and takes responsibility for both (which is healthy but contradicts Dream's views of being equal partners). Cross didn't see himself as a follower.

DARK CREAM

Dream's corruption dramatically changes their hierarchy within the pair, makes Dream the bad leader and shows Cross that his partner can be more than just a follower (albeit in a rather crude manner).

Sure, this was not the best scenario in Dream's condition, so Cross again takes the initiative and leads (even by risking) in order to save Dream.

POST DARK CREAM

Cross' success only strengthens his role, while Dream's weak condition makes him more vulnerable, so Cross leads as a caregiver by helping him heal and recover, teaching him new things, etc.

This doesn't openly contradict Dream's views: it is no longer in his principles to fight for power, so he does accept his weak position and Cross' care. That's why there was no talk or conflict at first.

Thought they don't come to the decision to have a child right away: first, they wander in search of a safe place to settle down, then there's a process of Dream's recovery, and only then, when both of them seem to be ready to go on, does Cross carefully talk about a baby. He didn't have a "reason" for Dream to carry his child, he just didn't see himself in this role.

Dream and Nightmare were the only ones to understand that pregnancy could worsen Dream's health due to a weakened soul.

Cross was unaware of the residual risks: Dream didn't tell him anything because he wanted to make Cross' dream come true and make him happy in gratitude for everything he had done for Dream.

If Dream were the one carrying a child, there would be risks if not more than just risks, but fortunately (and unfortunately for Cross), nature is smart and chose a more suitable soul.

[mypoptartburnt]

YOU'RE BACK!!! Really feel like a pet when they're owner comes home rn LMAO, happy to know you got my siren ask, was worried it didn't go through. How have you been the last few days? Like 2 days ago Suguru brain worms hit like a semitruck the moment I woke up, almost sent an ask about it yesterday lol (TW for discussion of miscarriages and abortions) I cant stop thinking about your Suguru with a pregnant darling, whether it be his or someone before him. More specifically you cant convince me that he would let you keep it. I really think he would never allow his darling to carry a baby to term. It would just be to big of a risk to him. Pregnant women are even more fragile than normal and he already treats us like we're made of glass. The idea that you could die from not just the birth alone would have him against it. Let alone all the other awful things, like morning sickness getting so bad you may need to get hospitalized, Pre-eclampsia, or any other significant complication. What if miscarried anyways and you blamed yourself for it? If you wouldn't go get an abortion I think he'd intentionally cause a miscarriage. He'd obviously have everything ready so the risks would be minimal. He'd be heartbroken knowing you were so excited but he wont allow you to risk your physical or mental health for a pregnancy. If you really desire to be a mother when you're ready, you can adopt or get a surrogate. He'd reassure you there isn't anything wrong with not wanting to risk another miscarrage and the heartbreak that would come with again. -🫧 Anon

BUBBLES OUR MINDS ARE ACTUALLY SYNCED BECAUSE I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SCENARIO A WHOLE LOT ACTUALLY you are at my level of suguru brain rot derangement and i’m so here for it :D

here’s the thing he sees you and ONLY you as his baby, he sees the baby in your tummy as a parasite he’s insane like that.

this man was on his knees thanking whoever it is in the sky that you miscarried (in his head ofc) he was so relieved that the source of so much pain and discomfort for you is gone.

despite this it absolutely breaks his heart seeing how devastated you are and all the self-blame and he is do sweet and attentive towards you, he lets you cry and scream and throw things as much as you need. he knows very well that this is extremely painful and traumatic for you and he’s more than willing to provide all the outlets you need to express that.

he starts giving you skin to skin a lot more as he sees the calming affect it has on you, in general he starts treating you more and more like a baby. because that’s exactly what he sees you as. he slowly babies you more and more until you’re completely dependent on him. that’s how it was supposed to be in the first place. you are the baby here, babies can’t have babies the very thought makes him want to throw up.

[rae-lune]

mid-story line tag!

(10 lines from the middle of 10 fics & tagging 10 people)

ty for the tags my game queens @shoopsthereitis @lifeisabitch-butimcute!!

The Sound of the Unlocking

He needed something to levy the tension. He needed to scream; he needed to punch something; he needed to get off. It was only that, every time he came lately, it was to thoughts of scarred hands and freckles and curls the colour of wet sand. So when Remus had leaned over to pluck a fallen leaf out of Sirius’ hair, when his nose had grazed Sirius’ cheek, when his breath had hitched at the look on Sirius’ face when he’d pulled back just enough to see it—Sirius had taken his due. He closed the centimetres between them frantically, a gasping crash of lips and teeth and tongue that had Remus backed up against the tree behind him almost instantly. Sirius pinned him there with his hips, with his hands clutched into Remus’ hair, with the tilt of Remus’ head to an angle that had let Sirius devour.

Time Was Runnin’ Wild (Still Don’t Know What I Was Waitin’ For)

“Nah,” James said easily. “You two always find your way back to each other.” Remus scrunched his nose in disbelief, but didn’t say anything. He couldn’t speak past the lump in his throat, past the hope that had sprouted where his heart was, weaving itself into his ribs. James gently untangled their hands where Remus had been clutching them tightly together. “You really are horribly sweaty, Moony. I think I’ll pop back over to my bed, don’t fancy waking up drenched in a couple hours, no offence. As long as you’re alright?” “Yes, mum. Go, I’m fine. Just knackered. Someone’s been keeping me up,” Remus said with a pointed look, one brow arched.

when I think about you, I think about love

“I think I could take Lyall though,” Sirius muses, decidedly cheeky, after he rolls the window back up. The car is cool from the blast of twilight, though Remus isn’t sure if it’s chilliness or electric charge infusing the air and covering him in goose pimples all over. Remus risks looking away from the road to glance at Sirius, who isn’t bothering to hide his amused grin. His cheeks are flushed from his sojourn out the window, his curls are wind-wild, and Remus has to swallow down the urge to brush fingers across pink cheekbone, to tuck hair behind seashell ear. He decides it’s all Sirius, everywhere. “Yeah, okay. Sure.”

the magic fabric of our dreaming

He gives the Fat Lady the password (Whippersnapper) and practically skids into the common room. His breath catches in his throat when he sees him: sitting on his favourite window’s ledge, one leg bent up with his forearm resting against his thigh, holding a book in both hands. He’s sitting in a beam of sunlight, eyes closed, face turned up towards the sun, temple resting against the windowpane, lips turned up into a tiny soft smile. He’s changed into one of his favourite jumpers, the maroon one with a little hole in its stretched collar, and Sirius knows there’s another tiny hole in the left armpit from all the times he’s taken it to wear himself. It’s all so quintessentially Remus that his heart squeezes painfully in his chest; this is the image of him that Sirius’ mind conjures when he hears his name. He desperately wishes he had a camera so he could capture it for perpetuity. Remus opens his eyes as Sirius approaches. “Hey,” he says, his smile broadening. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have class?”

Scatter My Atoms

When the afternoon sun starts to sink, casting shadows and fractals around the room, Sirius realises he’s managed it. His chest still feels lighter, like the hope that had grown barbs and made a home in his ribcage lessened its hold, if just for a day. Fuck it, he thinks. I can handle it. He opens Instagram and immediately, Remus’ profile photo with a pink circle appears on the top of his screen. Adrenaline courses through him, butterflies starting to tickle up his throat. He taps. His jaw drops. Remus posted a photo of a train station, but it’s not just any station. It’s fucking Paddington. In London. He checks the time stamp—it’s from two hours ago. His fingers are flying before his brain can catch up.

In silence, wide-eyed

They’d only had eleven days of breathing new life into the air before Sirius had fucked it up, before Remus had left, before Sirius had started to feel the rot seep slowly out from his chest, the threat of irrevocable disintegration threatening to carve him open. In the inky darkness on the streets of Islington, knife-sharp rain whips against his cheeks and sluices down his skin. He’s numb, soaked to the bone, yet they still sing for Remus. He sticks out his wand and waits for the tell-tale rumble of the Knight Bus. “Where to?” the conductor asks when he pulls up to Sirius. As he stands alone, disinherited and disgraced, he thinks of home. “Wales,” he says.

unposted drafts/wips

those golden years of yesterday (James F. Potter’s Summer of Gay Panic™)

Take me through the darkness to the break of the day The sky darkens like a bruise out of the studio’s floor-to-ceiling windows. James can’t see the moon, but he knows it’s up there somewhere, knows its ascent means Sirius will be stepping out for his evening smoke only to bask in its glow and think of a certain lanky boy. He wonders if Regulus will join him tonight, if they’ll talk about the moon and why Sirius has such a soft spot for it. He wonders what it will take for Regulus, closed off and jagged and exquisite, to become soft again. James throws the clay, surprised to realise he might like to find out.

Mesomerism

It was clear McGonagall presumed he’d be doing a mastery in Defence. Seeing as Harry presumed he’d skate through the year doing as little as possible, he arrives at Hogwarts empty-handed of anything except his wand, his clothes, and his few remaining personal belongings. If he’d been in the habit of feeling anything at all, he’d have known this was a mistake. “Mr Potter,” McGonagall calls, voice crisply cutting through the buzz of arrival in the Great Hall, “with me, please.” “But—” Harry gazes longingly at the dozens of puddings that’ve just appeared on each table, eyes catching on a particularly tantalising treacle tart.

Maine

Sirius sighs, content. He feels settled for the first time in hours. So settled, he’d almost forgotten his uncharacteristic sprint through London until James levels him with a raised brow and a, “Are you quite well?” “Oh, you know,” he says casually, sipping his coffee and savouring the bitter burn as it warms him from the inside on the way down. “Just heard from Remus this morning.” James does an honest-to-god spit-take, showering himself and the table in coffee as he splutters incoherently. “What?” he manages to rasp after some ridiculous pounding on his chest.

untitled kevjean brainrot (aftg) (tw: torture)

Hands. So many hands, everywhere—on his ankles and shins, on his wrists and shoulders. So many hands touch him until he is a butterfly on a corkboard. Pinned down and stabbed through. A pretty thing to be ripped apart. He doesn’t think his body has ever been his alone. Someone starts to hum where he can’t see them. He’s aware enough to know the tune doesn’t belong here, not in the way he does. Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes A hand tightens around his shin, just under his knee. A knife slices through skin. Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes He can’t tell if he has any of those, anymore.

np tagging @chericheribaby @itsjaywalkers @veganbutterchicken @fruityindividual @languagelessonswolfstar @residentrookie @m00neroni @pissmotif @severedreamerfox @kaaaaaaarf :~) mwah!

[molotovstrafficconeaddiction]

TOUGALICIOUS 

DISCLAIMER!!!

(I DO NOT LIKE TOUGA AS A PERSON AND DO NOT CONDONE ANYTHING HE HAS DONE)

This is a parody RGU (specifically touga) version of the song "karkalicious", which was based off "fergalicious" which means these lyrics HAVE been altered by me BUT I DIDN'T write the original song or karkalicious. This text contain mildly suggestive lyrics, but nothing too bad. I have sensored it as well, but read at your own risk! :)

Four, three, two, fork you 

Listen up y’all, this shirt is ironic  Saionji’s beats are best for girls hooked on angst and chronic  (Chronic playboy syndrome?) 

Tougalicious definition makes Kozue loco  She wants to know the secrets she can’t taste in my photo  Dyin’ just to know the flavor  I ain't doin’ her no favors  No reasons why I tease  Her blush just comes and goes like seasons 

I’m Tougalicious (so delicious)  No, I don’t do kiss faces  And if you read those fanfics  Half that shirt is capricious  I blow kisses (mwah!)  Don’t matter if we’re just more gays  Girls be lining down the aisle for a chance with me  (Four, three, two, fork you) 

So delicious (super sweet — haha, not)  So delicious (forkin’ playboy beachhhh)  So delicious (even Shiori wants a piece o’ me)  I’m Tougalicious (l-l-l-like Anthy, Anthy) 

Tougalicious def—  Tougalicious def—  (Gosh dammit, Saionji, stop forkin’ with my mic) 

Tougalicious definition makes the fandom crazy  Girls always squealin’,  Cutesy pet names like “Kiryuu-senpai,” baby  I’m the T to the O, U, the G, the A  And the majority of pairings better include me, hey 

I’m Tougalicious (so delicious)  My aura stays malicious  All the council’s gettin’ nervous ‘cause I’m playin’ so capricious  Nanami’s my witness (whistle!)  Bet that ship rails  And he’ll be needin’ all the towels ‘cause I’ma make him sweat pails  (Four, three, two, fork you) 

So delicious (super sweet)  So delicious (forkin’ playboy beachhhh)  So delicious (even Miki wants a piece o’ me)  I’m Tougalicious 

(Now you background extras, hold the fork up, check it out) 

Baby, baby, baby  If you really want me  Honey, get some patience  Maybe then you’ll be my bride  I’ll be tasty, tasty  I’ll be raced with roses  It’s so tasty, tasty  It’ll make you crazy 

T to the O, to the U G A — forkin’ touga  T to the A, to the S T E Y — forkin’ tasty  D to the E, to the L I C I O U S  To the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the 

I’ll just spell it out for you! 

All the time I turn around, girls gather ‘round  Always sniffin’ at me, wanna guess the 

Color of my rose  I just wanna say it now  I’m so tired of all the drama  Little forkers, I just don’t care 

You should know  I never come off as  Just a little insecure, although  I keep on repeatin’ how the 

Revolution’s forkin’ awesome  But I’m tryin’ to tell — it’s a secret I don’t wanna tell  Utena says I smell 

Delicious (so delicious)  No, I don’t do kiss faces  And if you read those fanfics  Half that shirt is capricious  I blow kisses (mwah!)  Don’t matter if we’re just a**holes  Girls be lining down the aisle for a chance with me 

Four, three, two, fork you  My body stays vicious  Miki’s feelin’ nervous ‘cause I’m just so ambiguous  Juri’s my witness (meow!)  I’ll even let her first ship sail  Just watch that kitten be the first to lose the forkin’ veil 

So delicious (Utena, see)  So delicious (you can trust me)  So delicious (I’ll help you be)  I’m Tougalicious, l-l-like Anthy, Anthy (Utena, Utena)  It’s so delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)  So delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)  So delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)  I’m Tougalicious (say I’m meant for Anthy, Anthy) 

T to the O, to the U G A — forkin’ touga  T to the A, to the S T E Y — forkin’ tasty  T to the O, to the U G A — forkin’ touga  To the D, to the E, to the L I C I O U S  D to the E, to the L I C I O U S  To the D, to the E, to the, L I C I O U S  To the D, to the E, to the L I C I O U S  To the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the 

Now, wait just a motherforkin’ second! 

Do I seriously gotta spell this shirt  ‘Til the end of the forkin’ series? 

I mean, whoever wrote the original  Never had access to spellcheck, I guess 

‘Cause T-A-S-T-E-Y does not spell tasty  Was this idiotic duelist illiterate, or what? 

What do you mean duelist rap artists  Are the only ones brave enough to write  Their own grammatical car wrecks and call it music?  What the fork even is Saionji doing? 

He doesn’t throw down sickfics anymore? 

Fork this shirt, I quit. 

[ladyloveandjustice]

Finally posted part 2 of this last night just in time for me to probably not have time to write fanfic anymore. a03 link.

Chapter Two

“Are you sure you’re doing all right?” Souko asked.

Natsume Takashi nodded and smiled brightly, but it didn’t reassure Souko all that much. He looked pale and a bit peaky, and his nostrils were red and chapped. “Thanks for meeting up again. I’m sorry about the other day.”

“You really think I, of all people, would blame you for getting sick?” Souko chuckled.

It had been, quite frankly, hilarious when she came to meet Natsume at the park and no one showed up. She’d wondered if Reiko was taking revenge on her from the afterlife, but this time she wasn't at all worried that Natsume had ditched her. She’d foolishly forgotten her phone at home, and after fifteen minutes of waiting, she was prepared to head back and see if he had contacted her. She rose from the park bench, only see the shaggy haired boy she recognized as Natsume’s friend barrelling toward her.

He skidded to a stop in front of her, doubled over and panting. “S-sorry…” he wheezed.

“Is something wrong?” A shock of worry ran through Souko.

The boy—Tanuma, if she recalled correctly—shook his head. “No…Natsume just…wanted to…”

 “Catch your breath first,” Souko said gesturing to the park bench. Tanuma nodded and sat down, his chest still heaving. After a couple minutes his breathing slowed.

  “Sorry,” he said again. “I’m just here to tell you that Natsume got sick and can’t come.”

 “Is it serious?” Souko asked urgently.

  Tanuma shook his head again. “No, no, it’s just a bit of a fever from exhaustion and some…other stuff. His usual. He was actually going to come here to tell you after you didn’t answer, but I convinced him to let me do it.”

 “He gets sick a lot?” Souko chewed on her lip in worry. When she’d told Kana about the pattern of premature death in his family, she had been just as concerned as Souko. Her wife had started insisting she should offer to give the boy a check-up, and when Souko reminded her she was retired and her former practice was miles away, she’d started grumbling.

“He does, but I’m the same way, it’s just our constitution,” Tanuma said hastily. “It’s rarely anything major but…” Tanuma’s mouth twisted a bit. “He does push himself too hard.”

Souko nodded. “I get sick a lot myself, so I understand. I’d never want him to risk his health just to come meet me…though I suppose that’s pretty hypocritical of me to say, I did that all the time when I was his age. I’m sorry you had to run all the way here. Did he think I’d be angry?”

 “Not really, he was just anxious. Even though he left a message, he thought he was…dredging up bad memories or something like that. Did you…” Tanuma trailed off, his mouth tight.

He still seemed a tense around her, Souko noted, and she couldn’t figure out why.

"Did I do something? You seem a little on guard. Especially when we first met.”

Tanuma’s eyes widened. “Oh! No, you didn’t do anything.” He flushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry for back then. When I first saw you sitting next to him, Natsume was rubbing his eyes and looked..kind of overwhelmed, so I thought you might be…” he trailed off again, probably wanting to protect Natsume’s privacy.

“…one of the relatives who treated him badly?” She asked softly.

“Oh.” His brow crinkled. “He told you?”

“I figured it out from how he was talking about them. Or rather, what he considered to be a normal way to treat a child.”

“That’s basically how anyone who knows him has to figure it out,” Tanuma sighed.

“Has he run into them a lot?”

“No, just a couple times.  He’ll actually go up and talk to them because he wants to ask about Reiko.”

That’s brave. Souko thought. He takes after his grandmother there too. “They don’t do anything to him, do they?”

“Not…yelling or any of that. But the way they talk to him is horrible.” Tanuma’s hand balled into fists. “And I can tell it hurts him. Sorry, I probably sound overprotective. It’s not any of my business, really. I just wanted to explain…I’m being selfish, Natsume wouldn’t want me to talk about this.”

“It’s fine, don’t beat yourself up,” she said quickly. He still wasn’t meeting her eyes. “You… still seem tense, though. Is there anything else you need cleared up?

“It’s nothing to do with you. I just get worried.” Tanuma sighed, shaking his head.

You can tell me,” she said simply.

He hesitated for a second. “Again, this isn’t my business….” His hands twisted together in his lap. “But…I know you’ve been talking about Reiko’s past. And well, I’m worried you might know something…bad. And uh, the fallout it might have on Natsume.”

“Something bad that she did, or something bad that happened to her?”

“Something that happened, mostly. Not that I’m think you shouldn’t tell him, I know Natsume would want to the truth, but…”

“I’ve already told him everything I know about Reiko,” she assured him. “I only knew her for a little while.”

“Oh.” Tanuma’s shoulders slumped in relief, and for the first time, he smiled slightly. “That’s good to know. Thank you.”

She could see the weight of his caring, how carefully he carried it, how he had to struggle not to let it drag him down. He was much like Natsume in that way. She wanted to say they were too young for that kind of burden, but she and Reiko had been the same, hadn’t they?

She’d worried about her so much, about her bruises and cuts, about how she was always tense and on guard even as she slept, the way her eyes would snap open and look frantically around when she woke. Reiko had never cried out, but Souko had felt her having nightmares sometimes, just from the way she’d always draw in her knees and ball up her fists, coiling herself tightly, like she was retreating into a shell. Sometimes she gnashed her teeth.

Looking back, Souko wished she’d had the courage to reach over and shake Reiko awake, to ask if everything was okay. But instead she just carried the weight of Reiko’s fears without knowing what they were. Maybe Reiko had felt the same, when Souko had forced a smile through another dizzy spell or failed to mention she’d been at the hospital earlier that day.

Natsume, on the other hand, apparently confided in Tanuma. Even though they clearly had their struggles, she was a little childishly jealous they were even able to voice their worries at such a young age.

But it was also a relief. Another confirmation that Natsume had the help she hadn’t been able to give Reiko.

When Tanuma and Souko parted, he was far more cheerful, and he told her that Natsume would meet her the next day. And indeed, the boy had arrived. Finally, he was going to show her this mysterious…something.

“Would you be willing to go on a walk with me?” Natsume asked. “There’s something my grandmother would have wanted you to see. But we’ll have to go through the forest you two used to meet in to get there, and I think the hike will take 20 minutes, so I understand if you don’t want to...”

Souko swallowed. She’d been avoiding that forest this whole trip. She hadn’t been sure she could stand up to the painful memories. But it was different with Natsume Takashi by her side. When she looked at him, she felt like she owed Reiko this, somehow. That this was a journey they’d both always been meant to take.

So she forced herself to adopt a teasing tone. “Are you thinking I’m too old and frail to handle a little hike, Natsume?”

“No, I wasn’t saying—”

“Because I can’t turn down a challenge. Especially not from Reiko’s grandson.”

Natsume noticed her grin and gave a tiny smile of his own. “Then consider it a challenge.”

The terrain of the path was harder on her knees than she remembered. She did have to take things slow—The power of modern medicine had made her childhood illness manageable, but it had never truly left her. She was able to be much more active than she once was, she couldn’t overdo it.

She was glad for her slow pace for once though, she could see Natsume didn’t feel his best either, he walking carefully.  His cat, funnily enough, seemed to realize this too, it started off the journey riding on his shoulder, but then jumped down as soon as Natsume showed visible strain. It fixed him with a glare that was so human-like and uncanny Souko felt a weird prickle on her neck.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” she asked.

Natsume nodded. Souko would have pressed more, but she saw that he was having no problem navigating the path. He seemed at home in the woods, just like Reiko had.

“You really are so much like your grandmother. I feel like I’m constantly seeing new similarities.”

Natsume stopped, looking curiously at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just uh… they don’t usually say that. I mean, other than us looking alike, of course. Usually they tell me about how different we are.”

Souko’s eyebrows drew together. “What do they say is different?”

Natsume looked slightly embarrassed and gave a little shrug. “I’m not… strong and tough like she was, generally. I’m kind of soft.”

Souko snorted, which seemed to startle Natsume. “Excuse me, who said that? Sounds like a rude old ass!” If they were old enough to know Reiko, they should be old enough to know better!

Natsume’s eyes widened, then he got a mischievous smile. “You’re right about that. It’s mainly this cranky old man I know. He loves to complain. He’s a glutton and freeloader”.

The cat suddenly hissed at Natsume, batting at his ankle. Natsume nudged him away with his foot without even looking down.

But Souko couldn’t even focus on the odd scene, not when her blood was boiling. It was absolutely ridiculous for anyone to think this boy wasn’t strong when he’d been through so much and was still trying so hard.

 “Well, there’s no reason to listen to someone like that!” She snapped. “Macho nonsense. Reiko was “soft” deep down herself.  She wouldn’t have looked after me if she wasn’t. You seem like a gentle boy, but that’s not the same as being weak, Actually, you have to be strong to show that kind of gentleness…to…to let you guard down and believe in people, when so many…!”

 She trailed off, flustered, seeing that Natsume was walking more slowly, chewing his lip and looking down. A flush spreading up his neck and face and his arms were crossed over his body like he wanted to hold his cat, (who now seemed to be glaring at her).

She was overwhelming him. There was so much else she wanted to say, like how it was the hardest, bravest thin to reach out to others in a world that could be so cruel, that Reiko might have envied him for the very things he thought made him “less tough”, that she hoped Reiko been able to let her guard down and show that same gentleness inside her before the end…but it was too much for him, she could see that. Besides, it wasn’t like she really knew how Reiko would have felt. She just knew what she wished for her.

“Natsume,”” she said again. He looked up at her. “You are strong. That’s all I wanted to say.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled, but she could tell he didn’t believe her. That was fine. Kana had once said a similar thing to her, when she’d apologized to her for crying too much, and she hadn’t believed it then either. But she’d realized that Kana was right eventually, and he would realize the same someday.

They walked in silence for a while, until they made it to the clearing she remembered so well.

It looked as if no time had passed. Staring at the rock and hearing the wind whistle through the trees, it was like a part of herself had never really left here. A little piece of her had kept waiting for Reiko, longing to see her, to apologize, to explain.

But it was over now. She knew she could never see Reiko again. There was no reason to keep waiting.

“Are you all right?” Natsume muttered. He was looking at the clearing like it was something haunted and empty. He seemed to understand its significance, somehow.

“I’m fi—” she instinctively said, but then realized it was bit hypocritical to hide her feelings after giving Natsume such a dramatic speech. “It’s sad but…this is where I met her. That’s the one thing I’ll never regret.”

She walked forward, brushing her fingers against the broad stone that had harbored her, the place where Reiko had slept by her side, where they had talked, where she’d driven Reiko away. It was warm in the summer sun. It almost felt alive.

Thank you,” she thought.“…And goodbye.”

She turned around and faced Natsume, eyes full of tears. “Let’s march on, shall we?”

Natsume glanced around, then nodded at her.

After they left the clearing and returned to the forest path, Souko started to hear strange rustling noises. She frowned at the thicket, wondering if an animal was following them.

“Do you want to take a break?” Natsume asked abruptly.

She wasn’t too winded, but a break was a good idea for Natsume’s sake. He looked tired. She sat down on a tree stump, and gestured at Natsume to join her. His eyes were darting around though, and he shifting a bit. “I need to…”

Suddenly the cat took off, and Natsume looked relieved. “I better go catch Sensei. I’ll be right back. Please wait here!”

He crashed through the thicket and disappeared before Souko could even reply. She jumped up in alarm. If there really was some sort of animal out there, it might attack the boy. She took off after him.

Natsume was much faster than he looked, and he could navigate the forest much better than her. The trees were dense, and she took a while to wend through him. But then she heard Natsume’s voice in the distance. More alarm shot through her. Had it been a person following them? Someone after Natsume? He didn’t sound scared, but…

She rushed forward, and soon saw Natsume through the trees, standing in a clearing. She was about to call out to him, but then she noticed something. No one else was in the clearing. Natsume was talking to the air.

“—understand wanting to see her, but you’re making so much noise that even she can hear.”

Natsume paused for a few seconds and then smiled. “I told you it was really her!”

Another pause. Souko’s heart beat rapidly.

“Really? Why did you think that?” Natsume titled his head. A few more seconds and then, “Oh. I think waiting probably just got painful. Or she moved or got busy…it could have been a lot of things.”

Another pause, and the boy’s face turned almost unbearably gentle. “Yeah. I’m glad too.”

Souko just stood there, her mouth dry, her mind whirring.

She remembered how both the boy and Reiko sometimes seemed to be looking at something that wasn’t there. She remembered that last afternoon she'd spent with Reiko, the heaviness on her shoulders and the chill on her neck. Reiko had suddenly shouted…she’d thought it was at her. But when she was sick in bed after, she’d started to wonder about that. She couldn’t stop thinking that Reiko’s eyes had been fixed on something behind her. Reiko, who’d always acted like she needed to protect Souko from something. Reiko, who’d was always so tense and alert. Reiko, who’d seemed like she lived in a different world sometimes…

It was such an impossible thing to believe, but she could feel the truth of it in her bones. Reiko and her grandson both saw and heard things normal people couldn’t. And whatever it was they saw, one of them was right here, speaking with Natsume.

It was apparently friendly, though. And it was…asking about her? It knew her? Had it watched her when she was a child? She shivered, rubbing her arms. Creepy but…at least Natsume seemed to trust it. And it wasn’t like this invisible thing could have introduced itself to her.

She was burning with curiosity now. She wanted to burst through the brush and ask Natsume who the hell this was and if it had known Reiko too and a million other questions. She took a step forward, but then she froze.

“Natsume Reiko is crazy. She hurts kids out of nowhere, she gets angry and yells at nothing, she’s a total delinquent. If you see her, stay away!"

“…It wasn’t their fault. I was a difficult child.”

Both Reiko and her grandson had spent their lives being hurt and ostracized because of what they saw and who they were. Souko was sure when they were younger, they’d told people about what they saw. But their honesty had just been repaid with rejection, anger, and mockery. That was why Reiko had kept it a secret. That was why Natsume had hid it from her. It was something painful to them, and something they couldn’t trust many people with.

She’d never earned that trust with Reiko. Maybe if things had gone differently, she could have. But she’d slammed those doors shut by believing in those silly rumors.

She hadn’t earned Natsume’s trust either. If she burst in there saying she’d discovered his secret, it might unsettle him. Even if she assured him she believed him, he might pull away, just like Reiko had.

He deserved to tell her on his terms. Maybe one day he would trust her enough to share this with her. But for now...

Natsume was still talking to the air and Souko thought she heard another voice too, a cranky middle-aged man telling Natsume to hurry up. As much as she wanted to listen in and figure out where that voice was coming from (she had a strong suspicion), she made herself turn away. Each step away was painful, but she wasn’t going to hurt another Natsume, no matter what.

As she walked back, she thought about Reiko’s cuts and bruises again…there had been a wound Reiko had passed off as a dog bite one time, though it hadn’t looked like one…the chill inside Souko deepened. Reiko had died young. So had Natsume’s parents. What if it wasn’t illness? When she met Natsume, he’d tumbled out of those woods, his arm jerking like something had grabbed it. He had bruises just like Reiko…those things hurt him too. Had they killed Reiko? Would they kill him as well?

And even if it was true, what could she even do about it? Her hands balled into fists, her nails digging into her palms. Nothing. She couldn’t do anything, not when she couldn’t even see or touch these things.

Maybe this was another reason Reiko had never told her.

Was there anyone who could help this boy? Whatever had grabbed him back when she met him had let go after all…there’s been that rush of air…something must have protected him. (She remembered the cat coming out of the woods…hmmm.) And he was talking to that one back there like it was a friend. They weren’t all bad, clearly. So maybe some of them were looking out for him?

 But what about humans? Did he have anyone who knew, anyone who could help? She recalled Tanuma and Taki. The way he’d said ‘the usual’ when they’d asked about the bruise, in a tone like they should know what he was talking about. And Tanuma…he’d been a strangely surprised when she said Reiko wasn’t sickly.

The memory of her last time with Reiko came back again, the suffocating feeling, the weight on her shoulders, the cold sweat…that had all been because of those things Reiko saw. No wonder Natsume got sick all the time. If Tanuma knew about that, it would be a shock that Reiko had been so healthy.

So Natsume, at least, had found people he trusted enough to tell. People who believed him. That was something. She smiled to herself, but there was a bittersweet taste in her mouth. She hoped Reiko had found the same thing before the end. Maybe she’d even met someone else who could see the and felt a little less alone. Whether it was Natsume’s grandfather, or someone else, she really wanted that for her.

Souko reached the spot where Natsume had left her. She still felt a little lightheaded. She leaned against the tree, panting.

“Sorry for making you wait!” She heard the boy’s voice and jerked her head up. He’d emerged from the trees and was wearing a polite smile, but it fell away when he saw Souko’s face.  “Are you okay?” He asked for what felt like the hundredth time today. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Souko said with a tight smile, swallowing down everything she wanted to say. Sweat was still beading down her forehead, and her hands were still shaking a little, and of course Natsume had picked up on that. “It’s nothing. Hot flash.”

“Oh,” said Natsume in the tone of someone who’d heard the phrase before but had no idea what it meant and was too polite to ask. “Should we…” he hesitated.

“And I lose the competition? Not on your life.” She forced a laugh. “I’m fine.”

Natsume looked unsure but nodded.

She tried to make small talk with Natsume to keep what she’d seen out of her head. However, every time the roly-poly cat glanced at her, she couldn’t stop speculating about that eerily intelligent gaze.

A cranky old man, a glutton and a freeloader…

God, it was going to be hard to get used to all this.

Natsume was still looking at her with concern, and she couldn’t add to a child’s burden. It was infuriating, knowing she couldn’t help but…she breathed in about out slowly. Be an adult. She heard Kana’s voice stern voice, always there to ground her when she’d been freaking out about all the things that could happen to their daughter (or granddaughter, now). Focus on what you can do. Focus on being there for the kid right now.

“How much longer until we reach this special place you’re showing me?” she said in an attempt at a jovial voice.

“We’re almost there,” Natsume said as they emerged from the woods. He pointed at a tall grassy hill. “Just one uphill climb.”

“Our final challenge, eh?”

Embarrassingly, she did almost slip on the climb up, and Natsume had to grab her hand. She was panting by the time they reached the top.

But all distress was forgotten when she saw the field of brilliant blue flowers.

"This is what my grandmother wanted to you to see,” Natsume said quietly. “She wanted to take you here.”

A lump was growing in Souko’s throat and hot tears burned her eyes. “She…she did?”

She’d never seen flowers this shade of blue. It was like the sky was stretching out below her.

As she made her way down the hill, the memory tore through her.

“It’s azure. Just like your name.”

Reiko.

She let the tears flow, not trying to stop them. Natsume didn’t say anything. He just sat down with her, and they watched the flowers sway in the wind.

Reiko must have been listening when Souko talked about planting flowers. Maybe that was where she’d gotten the idea. You were always so much more tender than you let on, Reiko.

She wondered if the being Natsume had been talking to was here with them right now. It had to be the one who told Natsume that Reiko had wanted to take her here. Had Reiko told the creature that directly?

She felt so raw and exposed. She wanted to be angry at this thing for intruding, but Natsume wouldn’t have known about all this without it, and neither would she.

She lost herself in the endless azure, breathing in the sweet scent. There was a world somewhere where she and Reiko had gone here together. What would have changed between them?

When she closed her eyes, she could see it. Her teasingly putting a flower in Reiko’s hair, Reiko gruffly pushing her away, plucking the flower out of her hair and putting it behind Souko's ear instead. Souko carefully weaving a flower crown, telling Reiko how to do it, Reiko shaking her head but still watching Souko with care in her eyes. Their fingers brushing together. Souko blushing shyly, feeling Reiko's hesitancy as she took her hand...

The visions were so clear, Souko wondered if she’d nodded off for a second. But when she looked over at Natsume, still sitting there, he showed no reaction. He just tilted his head at her. “Is everything okay? Do you like the flowers?”

“It’s wonderful,” Souko told him in a rough, wrecked voice. She reached down, plucking one, cradling it in her palm.

“I’m glad.” Natsume’s smile was blinding. “I told you I wanted to show you something. It’s about my grandmother too.”

Natsume reached into his back. He scanned around, eyes narrowed. as if looking for someone who might overhear. Then he took out a scuffed old green notebook. He held it gingerly, as if it were precious cargo.

“This is…this is a notebook of my grandmother’s. She kept it because she wanted to continue the game she played with you. When she met someone, she would challenge them to a game, and if she won, they’d give their name and she’d…well…”

Souko read the label. “Natsume’s Book of Friends”.

“She wrote the names in here?”

“Yes.”

Souko snorted, startling Natsume. “That’s…so ridiculously, wonderfully Reiko. I bet she won every game.”

“She did,” Natsume laughed. “A lot of them got pretty frustrated about that.”

“Did…she stay in touch with the people who gave her their names?” Souko already knew the answer but she asked anyway.

Natsume’s smile fell. “No. She never went back to see them a second time,”

Souko swallowed. Because she thought I never came back for her. Because she didn’t want to be hurt again. She just made a good memory, and left before she could get attached.

Natsume seemed to know what she was thinking. “It’s not your fault. Honestly, without you, I don’t know if she would have even reached out in the first place. I think she…wanted to keep you with her, in some way. So she carried on the game you played.”

Souko nodded tightly. She reached out and touched the book. It was surprisingly sturdy, considering how torn and dirty it was. She could tell Natsume had tried to clean it up, but Reiko really must have put this book through hell. Reiko had always been pretty sloppy. Though, looking more closely, some of the tears on the cover seemed…no, she was being paranoid.

She realized she was brushing her fingers against the notebook tenderly and snatched her hand back. Natsume didn’t look judgemental though, his expression was soft.

“I can’t show you the inside, sorry. It wouldn’t be fair to those whose names are in there. I owe them their privacy. Also, please don’t tell anyone about it, I know my grandmother would want it to be private.”

“I won’t,” she promised, trying not to laugh. He was so damn responsible. He was acting like this book was solemn burden he carried…an then she realized it with a start. It probably wasn’t human names in this book. The “friends” Reiko had made…they were probably those creatures only she and he could see.

She bit the inside of her cheek. What did it mean, to be carrying those names? Was it different than knowing a human’s name?

“I wanted to show it to you, though,” Natsume continued. “Because it means a lot to me. It’s the only thing I have left of my grandmother”

Meaning his relatives had gotten rid of everything else Reiko had left behind. A wave of fury crested inside her. She’d never been a violent person, but if she ever met one of these people, that might change.

Natsume seemed to notice the tension, so she forced herself to relax. “Keep talking,” she said brightly, perhaps a little too much so.

Natsume nodded. “I…I’ve been seeking out the names in this book. And I’ve met so many important people because of it.” There was only a millisecond’s hesitation before “people”, but Souko had been listening for it, so she caught it. “Friends I could never replace. Some of them so…some of them I can’t even imagine what my life would be like without them anymore.” Again, because she was looking for it, she saw his eyes flick ever so briefly to his cat, who was frolicking in the flowers.

A pretty definite confirmation of her suspicions, but Souko barely cared. Her heart was squeezing tighter at every word Natsume said, and she thought it might burst.

“You stay in touch with Reiko’s friends, don’t you? You get to know them in a way she couldn’t.”

“Some of them,” Natsume said. “For some of them, it goes less well but...either way, I learn so much about Reiko through them. It’s as if I actually know her, sometimes. And if it weren’t for this…I wouldn’t have been able to meet her. And so many others.” He swallowed. “It sounds dramatic to say it, but this book changed everything for me. My whole life. And it would never have existed if it weren’t for you. So...thank you so much for connecting me with my grandmother. Thank you for giving me something irreplaceable.”

His cheeks were bright red. It must have been hard for him to say all that. Souko didn’t know what to say in response. Her chest was so tight, and so many feelings were warring inside her.

“I-I didn’t really do anything, though.”

“You cared about her. You talked to her and you wanted to be with her. That means a lot. For all we know, you might have been the first person who ever did. It definitely wasn’t something she experienced a lot.”

It was surprisingly blunt for him, and it was a punch in the gut. But Natsume wasn’t done. “I think part of her must have known that. That’s why she couldn’t let that memory go. And that was why she left something behind for me.”

Another lump in her throat. This boy was determined to make her cry at least 20 times today. She swallowed it down though. “Fine, you’re so insistent, I’ll take all the credit,” she said teasingly. “You really owe me, kid.”

 Natsume looked like he wanted to roll his eyes but seemed to stop himself at the last minute. Souko wished he could feel comfortable enough around her to fully be himself. But that was probably always a slow process with him.

“More seriously, I think you’re the one who changed your life, Natsume, but I’m glad Reiko could help. It means a lot to me to know she’s still” She looked across the endless blue. “She… changed my life too. When I first met my wife, Kana, there were a lot of nasty rumors about her at our university.”

 “Watch out for her” “She’s scary and violent” “She’ll try to turn girls against their boyfriends because she’s jealous that she can’t get one” “I even heard she does things to girls” “I heard she got a girl kicked out of college and disowned by her parents”. In hindsight, it was clear where all this fear had come from, but she had been too naïve to put the pieces together back then.

“If it had been the younger me,” Souko continued, “The one who was easily swayed by rumors, I would have stayed away. But because of Reiko, I knew I needed to form my own opinion. So I sat down beside the girl with kind eyes and asked to be lab partners. And by the end of that lab, I was in love.”

Reiko had taught her to reach out, to stay, while Souko had just taught Reiko to move on more quickly. It was a bitter thing. But Reiko had touched so many lives. Maybe one of them had convinced her it was okay to stay too.

She and Natsume sat watching the flowers for a long time in comfortable silence, as Natsume’s cat continued to chase grasshoppers in an adorable frenzy. Souko ended up dozing off, and when she jerked awake, twilight was dying the sky a faint purple.

She thought she heard Natsume murmuring to someone, but he stopped immediately upon seeing her wake. The cat was curled on his lap now.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” she yawned. Her back was aching fiercely.

“Don’t be sorry,” Natsume said. “I slept a little too. Did you have a good rest?”

“…Yes.” It would have been nice to say she dreamed about Reiko, that they got to see each other one last time, that she got to say goodbye. But if she had, she didn’t remember it. Still, she was content.

“Thank you,” she told Natsume, her voice cracking. “For showing me all this.”

“Not at all. I always wanted to go here myself.”

The boy truly didn’t realize what he’d done for her. She wished she could repay him. Especially now that she knew the horrors he was dealing with. But she was helpless, all over again.

Focus on what you can do. Kana’s voice echoed again.

“Natsume,” she said. “Would you like to come to a dinner with my family before we go? They’d love to meet you, and I’d love to give you some good food as payback for all you’ve done.”

“Oh, you don’t have to pay me back for anything!” Natsume flushed. “I couldn’t—”

“You can invite Taki and Tanuma too. Even the kitty’s welcome, I can make shrimp for him.”

The cat’s eyes went wide, and he started yowling, wiggling in Natsume’s grip.

“Sensei,” Natsume scolded. “I’m sure Tanuma and Taki would love to come, but all the trouble—”

“Natsume,” she said gently. “You said you’ve made a lot of friends through Reiko. I know it’s presumptuous, but if you want, I’d love to be one of them. My family would adore you, and I’d like it if this wasn’t the last time we saw each other. But if you’re uncomfortable with it, I won’t--”

“No, no,” Natsume shook his head vehemently. “I’d like that too. I’d like to keep in touch. I’ll ask Tanuma and Taki. Thank you.”

“Great,” Souko said with a laugh.

She took one last look at the field of beauteous blue.

She'd always wish she could have done more for Reiko. But at least they’d changed each other a little bit…and that small change had led to the birth of something new and irreplaceable. In her case, it was meeting the love of her life. In Reiko’s case, it was Natsume Takashi, holding that book she had left behind like a lifeline, making connections to those she abandoned, finding happiness and acceptance after being denied it for so long.

It was worth it, wasn’t it, Reiko?

She noticed she was still holding the little flower she'd plucked. She chuckled softly and put it behind her ear. Then she and Natsume Takashi started the long walk home.

A Million Almosts- a Natsume Yuujinchou Fanfic

Here's the first part of the little fic about an older Souko and her feelings about Reiko I've been writing. It might be a while before I have time to do the second part, so, I thought I might as well post it and try not to put too much pressure on myself.

I've finally put it on ao3! The link to the fic is here.

---

It was such a long time ago. Why can’t I just forget about her?

When Kana suggested a family trip to the pastoral paradise Souko had recovered her health in as a teenager, Souko had agreed happily. And they were having a lovely time. Her granddaughter loved running through the unspoiled nature, screaming her little head off. Her daughter was taking so many pictures that Souko wondered how she had any storage left on her phone. And her wife was just soaking it all in, asking Souko all kinds of questions about the time she’d spent here.

She should just be relaxing and having fun. It was silly how her stomach turned whenever she caught a glimpse of that forest, how she couldn’t bring herself to walk there with her family even though it looked as beautiful as ever, how she was so afraid of strolling to the next town over.

Why was Natsume Reiko still haunting her like this?

Of course, Kana noticed Souko’s sighs and frowns. Souko could never hide it from her when anything was wrong. “It’s been bothering you, hasn’t it?”

Souko flushed, ashamed. “I’m so sorry. It shouldn’t matter anymore. I just…I just want to know if she’s okay. I want to hope that her life got better after…me.”

 Was it hurting Kana, knowing this was something she still worried about? How could she even be thinking of the past, instead of focusing on her wonderful present? Why was this regret as sharp and biting as ever?

But Kana simply took her hand, rubbing gentle circles on her palm with her thumb. “Souko, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s natural to think about your first love, and it’s natural to want her to be happy. Did you think I’d be jealous? Honestly!”

Souko shook her head, eyes burning. “I know. It’s silly. I know you better than that.”

“I remember how relieved I felt I saw Emi again with that big grin on her face! I’d never judge you for wanting the same. You should go. You might not find anything, but either way, you’ll know you tried, and it will be a load off your mind.” Kana cupped Souko's cheek, gently wiping her tears.

Souko put her hand over Kana’s and leaned forward, kissing her deeply.

So here she was, strolling through Reiko’s hometown, her nerves jangling. Now that she was here, she wondered what she should even do. The chances Reiko still lived here were very slim, and the chances of Souko just running into her on the street were even slimmer. Should she go around and just ask random people her age about Reiko? What had she been thinking, honestly?

She remembered how lost and clueless she’d been when she first walked through this town as a child, trying desperately to find Reiko. Apparently she hadn’t changed much.

She was about to turn around and leave when a boy suddenly tumbled out of nearby grove of trees. He pitched forward as if he’d been shoved, fell head over heels down the grassy slope, and finally skidded to stop when he reached the sidewalk in front of her, knees and palms hitting the concrete. He hunched over, panting. Then suddenly his arm shot straight up in the air, and he cried out, jerking his arm like he was tugging on something. There was a gust of cold wind, one that made Souko shudder, and the boy dropped his arm. His whole body seemed to relax, but his breathing was still shallow and strained. He glanced over his shoulder.

The people in front of Souko had halted, and she could see people across the street staring too. A man in front of her asked if the boy was okay, and he nodded. Souko heard the boy mumble "I’m sorry.”  The man walked away quickly, giving the boy a ridiculously wide berth, even though the kid hadn’t moved from the ground and was clearly not actually okay. His head was bowed and he was shaking slightly.

Souko rushed forward, dropping to her knees. Her back protested at this, but she ignored it. “Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need to go to the hospital? I can help.”

“Thank you, but I’m fine.” The boy looked up at her and Souko felt like she'd been hit by a truck.

Golden eyes with curious cat-like pupils. Soft, fine hair framing delicate features. A perfect, carefully practiced smile. An ugly bruise on the forehead, and she could almost hear her voice saying “Don’t worry about it.”

“R-Reiko!” She gasped. She scrambled to her feet, stumbling backwards. The phantom of her first love had appeared, gleaming in the sunlight, looking just as she had the day she met her. What on earth was going on?

The boy blinked at her, stunned, and she came back to herself. No, of course it wasn’t Reiko. This was just a child who looked painfully like her. As impossible as it seemed, that was all it was.

She ran her trembling fingers through her hair, trying to appear calm.

“Sorry about that, you just looked like someone I used to—"

But the boy’s eyes widened and he looked up at her intently.

“You knew my grandmother?”

“Grand…mother?” she said faintly.

The boy’s expression had transformed from practiced politeness to something raw and eager. “My name is Natsume Takashi. Natsume Reiko was my grandmother. Did you know her?”

“Oh…” Souko breathed. A grandson. Of course. Reiko had grown old just as she had, and had a family now, just like she did. A combination of nostalgia and excitement rushed through her. That meant Reiko had people she loved, surely. Just like Souko had always hoped, Reiko wasn’t alone anymore. Maybe she was even happy.

 She couldn’t imagine Reiko as a grandmother, but she wanted to see it, wanted to see Reiko with her grandson, gray in her hair and a twinkle in her eyes.

She smiled at Natsume Takashi. “It’s very nice to meet you. My name is Morinaga Souko. I did know your grandmother briefly, back when we were teenagers. It was a long time ago though, she probably doesn’t remember me—”

Natsume Takashi let out a loud gasp, jumping to his feet so suddenly that Souko stumbled back again. “You’re Souko?! You’re really Souko?!”

“Er, yes?”

The boy’s face split into the widest smile Souko had ever seen. It was almost blinding, that smile, so different from polite one he’d worn earlier.

It reminded Souko of the first time Reiko had truly smiled at her, right after she gave her the blue candy.  It had been so warm, so dazzling, such a contrast to that empty, bland one she usually sported, the one that didn’t even reach her eyes.

That smile is the best thing I’ve ever seen, she’d thought at the time. I want to make her smile like that until it’s as natural as breathing to her, until she never needs to fake a smile again. I want to see that smile for the rest of my life.

She imagined, she hoped, that Natsume Takashi had learned his smile from Reiko. That she grinned at him like that all the time.

“I can’t believe it! I’ve always hoped I’d meet you one day!” The boy was practically vibrating with excitement, for some reason.

“I…I’m sorry, I don’t understand. You’ve heard about me?”

Just then, she was interrupted by a grumpy meow. The strangest cat she’d ever seen was stalking out of the grove of trees and down the grassy slope. Its head was enormous, almost the size of his bowling ball shaped body. She had no idea how that head wasn’t snapping his little neck—if it had one at all.

Natsume Takashi didn’t seem bothered by its appearance. “Nyanko-sensei!” he called out to it. Was that seriously what he’d named the cat? “Nyanko-sensei, look! It’s Souko! Can you believe it!”

The cat made a grumbling sound like it was actually conversing with the boy, and Souko couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing.

Natsume Takashi flushed. “Ah, sorry. That must have seemed strange…”

“I like talking to my cat too, don’t worry. But it’s like yours actually answers back! How cute.” Souko wiped her eyes, and a genuine smile returned to the boy’s face.

The cat reached the boy, and it climbed up on him and settled onto his shoulder, making her laugh more. But then the cat gave her a long look, its unsettling pitch black eyes staring a hole through her. She shivered slightly, and Natsume Takashi lightly bopped that cat on the head. “Sensei, you’re making Souko uncomfortable.”

Then he flushed again. “Oh, sorry! I-I shouldn’t be calling you that. I apologize for being disrespectful, Ms. Morinaga, I—”

“Souko’s just fine,” she told him. He looked disbelieving at this. “I mean it, you can call me Souko, your grandmother did. And what do you like to be called?”

“Oh, uh, people usually just call me Natsume. I understand if that’s confusing for you though, with my grandmother—”

“No, Natsume’s just fine. But could you tell me how you know who I am, Natsume? Did…” Did Reiko tell you about me? She wanted to ask, but then she got a tap on her shoulder.

“Have you not noticed all the people moving around you two? You’re blocking the sidewalk.” The woman’s tone was extremely nasty, a little over-the-top for the situation.

Natsume looked mortified and immediately started apologizing, but Souko simply turned back to talk to him. “There’s a park near here, I think. Would you mind if we went there to talk?”

“Of course not! I’d really like to talk to you.”

As Natsume nodded eagerly, Souko noticed that the bruise wasn’t the only injury he was sporting, he had some cuts on his arm, long thin scratches, and his nose was bleeding slightly. His palms were scrape, and she imagined his knees were too. “We can also treat your injuries…I have some ointment and other supplies with me.” Her granddaughter was prone to mishaps, so she’d taken to keeping some medicine and band-aids in her bag.

Natsume’s cheeks turned a faint pink “It’s really fine. Don’t worry about it!”

Souko’s heart squeezed. He sounded so like Reiko. She’d always said the same thing when she’d arrived with random cuts and bruises. Like she was so used to such a thing it wasn’t even worth thinking about.

So Souko said what she’d wished she said back then. “Let me worry all I want. I just want to help you out.”

The boy looked a little surprised, but he nodded. The woman behind them cleared her throat, apparently incapable of walking around them, so Souko and Natsume got moving.

As she walked beside the boy, she couldn’t help but notice more similarities to Reiko. Little things she still remembered even after all these years. Like Reiko, this boy was incredibly alert. Not in a jittery way, he carried himself calmly just like she had, but whenever there was the smallest noise, his eyes would quickly flit in that direction. He’d scan around him, like he expected something to jump out at any minute. When they entered the park, he stared at an empty spot of grass for several seconds, even though there was nothing there, just as his grandmother had often done. He slipped into a casual protective stance, one she only recognized because she’d studied Reiko so intently in her youth. He shifted his weight, subtly shielding her, shoulders tense and eyes hard.

She’d always swooned when Reiko did this, but now she just felt annoyed that this teenager thought he needed to protect an adult from…whatever. She was getting up there, yes, but she wasn’t helpless. But she forced down her irritation. Maybe like Reiko, he wasn’t used to adults looking after him.

She sat Natsume down on a park bench, and he finally seemed to relax. She tended to him immediately, taking out her supplies. He looked sheepish, but submitted gracefully. She dabbed a little ointment on his bruise, cleaned his cuts, and put on band-aids on him. “I’m hope you don’t mind the dinosaur pattern. My granddaughter loves them”.

“I don’t mind,” Natsume laughed. His laugh was easy and light, another thing he shared with Reiko. Souko handed him some tissues, which he obediently pressed to his nose. She sat down next to him, and finally finished asking the question that had been burning this whole time. “How do you know my name, Natsume? Did your grandmother tell you about me?”

Natsume’s eyes lowered. “Not exactly. I…have something sad to tell you about Reiko.”

Souko’s heart sank. She somehow knew exactly what he was going to say. “Go ahead.”

“She…my grandmother passed away”.

Souko sucked in a deep breath. Her eyes burned. She couldn’t cry about this, it  would be silly to cry over this, she’d only known Reiko for a short time, so many years ago. But she’d always hoped that she’d be able to apologize to her one day. That she’d be able to see Reiko’s happiness and Reiko could see hers.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. Was it recent?” She hoped he didn’t notice that her voice was shaking. But the pity in his eyes told her he did.

“No. My grandmother died before I was born.”

Souko sucked air through her teeth. “How…how old?”

Natsume looked at her miserably. “I don’t know exactly, I’m sorry. I think it was probably somewhere in her mid-to-late twenties. Though it could be early thirties.”

“Mid to late—” Souko couldn’t help it, tears were falling fast down her face now. So young! So young! It wasn’t fair at all. Reiko hadn’t gotten to meet her grandchild. Reiko hadn’t been able to see her child grow up. She’s hardly had time to enjoy being an adult… Why did Souko get that joy, and Reiko didn’t?

Natsume dug around in his pocket and handed her his handkerchief. She was surprised at a teenage boy carrying one, but she took it and dabbed her eyes. Natsume looked at her sorrowfully.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be. Thank you for caring about her so much.” He said softly.

“But, if you never met her, who told you about me?”

Natsume hesitated. “It was…a friend of hers. I’ve been going around trying to find out more about my grandmother, talking to people who knew her. She told him what happened, and he told me.”

That was surprising. She wondered if Reiko had told him about her bitterly, angrily. She wondered if Reiko’s friend and her grandson knew how completely she’d failed Reiko. But even if that was the case, she was just glad Reiko'd had a friend to talk to.

“I need to tell you something else,” Natsume said, his voice suddenly urgent. She raised her eyebrows.

“What is it?”

“Reiko wanted to see you again. She came back to the forest the next day, and she waited the day after too. But then she assumed you weren’t coming back, and she never went back to that forest again".

Souko’s mouth fell open.

 “She…she did?” Souko squeaked. She felt like her heart was going to burst and rip a hole right through her. She clutched a shaking hand to her chest. “I-I wanted to see her again too, I wanted to apologize so badly, but I got sick. I was in bed for two days, but I did come on the third day, I swear I did.”

Natsume nodded, like he’d already known that, which was strange. But then he said, “When I heard the story, I thought it might be something like that. Reiko…she tended to assume the worst.”

Her tears were falling thick and fast now. She was absolutely soaking the kid’s handkerchief. “You’re sweet to say that, but It was my fault, if I hadn’t said what I said…All this time, I assumed it must have hurt her so much she didn’t want to see me again, it hadn’t even occurred to me that we’d missed each other.”

“You couldn’t have known. And Reiko didn’t begrudge you either, I’m very sure of that. It wasn’t your fault you got sick. I’m guessing you came as soon as you could.”

“I couldn’t even walk far without collapsing the first two days…I dragged myself there as soon as I could, and I waited every day for two months…” She started laughing uncontrollable, hiccuping so hard it hurt her throat. “God, it’s so incredibly stupid, isn’t it? An utterly ridiculous misunderstanding!”

“Did I upset you by telling you this?” Natsume said. He was looking over her face anxiously, like he could unlock a way to fix her distress if he concentrated hard enough.

“No, no, I want to know the truth.” Souko sniffled. Now that the shock was wearing off, a strange warmth was filling her. “Reiko really didn’t hate me? She still…wanted to be friends?”

“She cared about you a lot,” Natsume said softly. “I think if she’d learned the truth, she’d have felt just as distressed. But neither of you were really at fault. It was just bad luck…and Reiko just gave up too quickly. It wasn’t about you. She was just too used to being rejected.”

It honestly didn’t feel real, learning Reiko hadn’t hated her for saying that thoughtless, awful thing. That despite the stupid gossip she’d believed too readily and parroted so cruelly, Reiko had still wanted to see her. Reiko had cared. If they hadn’t missed each other, Reiko would have heard out her apology, and maybe even forgiven her…

Even after all these years, that comment had been one of her biggest regrets. She’d relived it over and over again in her mind, agonizing, wishing she could go back and change it. And Reiko’s grandson…her sweet grandson had lessened the weight of it all.

She wiped at her eyes one more time, trying to pull herself together.

“Thank you, Natsume. It means a lot that you told me this. Is it..is it all right if I ask you a little more about your grandmother?”

“Of course!” Natsume’s eyes lit up again.

Natsume’s cat—what was it, Nyanko-senpai?—had been watching them this whole time, almost as if he were listening to the conversation. But now he yawned, and settled down into Natsume’s lap.

“Is she related to you through your mother, or your father?” Normally she’d include “or are you blood related at all?” as her own daughter had been adopted, but this boy looked far too much like Reiko, it was obviously genetic.

“My mother,” Natsume said.

Souko wondered if Reiko’s daughter looked as similar to Reiko as this boy did.

“Would it be all right if I asked how Reiko died? You don’t have to answer if that’s too much.” But she longed to know. She hoped it had been something quick, something painless. She hoped it hadn’t been a drawn out, painful illness. And if it was, she hoped Reiko had spent that time with her family, getting all the goodbyes and love she needed.

Natsume’s face fell again, and he started fiddling with the sleeve of his hoodie. She was about to apologize for asking, but Natsume said, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how she died.”

“Your mother didn’t tell you?”

“My mother died soon after I was born. My father died when I was young too, so I couldn’t ask him if Mom told him anything.” 

The boy spoke matter of factly, in the tone of someone used to saying this. Souko’s mouth went dry. Her chest ached.

Not only had Reiko died young, but her daughter had too? And her grandson had lost both his parents? It was awful, truly awful. If both mother and daughter had died young, was it something genetic? An illness? Would it happen to Natsume Takashi too?

She didn’t want it to happen, not to boy who radiated kindness the way Reiko always had, but who didn’t mask it like Reiko tried (and usually failed) to do, who was full of obvious love for the grandmother he’d never met. Who carried such a terrible burden, but still looked at her with gentle eyes and comforted her about her small tragedy.

 She was seized by a sudden desire to protect him, to rush him to the best doctors in the world, to fight anything that would dare hurt him. She knew Reiko would have felt the same.

But she controlled herself, wadding her shirt in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, trying not to let how upset she was bleed into her voice.

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.“

She paused, her desire to ask more questions battling with her desire not to poke at this boy’s tender spots. He seemed to notice, because he said, "It’s really fine. Please ask any question you want.”

She nodded. “…Do you know anything about your grandfather?”

She said it far too awkwardly. It wasn’t that she felt jealous exactly…it’s just she wanted to know Reiko had been happy with him, the way she was so happy with Kana. She wanted Reiko to have gotten the love she’d deserved. She couldn’t help but imagine what could have been, and she wanted to be sure whoever this man was, he’d given her a better life than she could have…

“I don’t know my grandfather either. No one knows who he was. He wasn’t around after my mother was born. Reiko raised my mother on her own.”

Her insides went cold. Her hands started to shake.

“He left her alone?” The pure ice in her voice startled Natsume.

“I mean, we don’t know that for sure!” Natsume said hastily. “Something could have happened to him. I’ve been looking for information on him too. And uh, I haven’t been able to find much, but I’ve found some things indicating that he might have been in a…dangerous position? Possibly a dangerous profession? I can’t say much more, but it seems complicated. So he might not have…abandoned her. I’m hoping he didn’t.”

Oh, he better have died or something else like that. Because if he didn’t, I’ll kill him myself. But knowing she shouldn’t tell this poor kid about her plans to murder his grandfather, she kept her voice neutral as best she could and said, “I hope so too.”

She couldn’t imagine anyone having Reiko in her arms and not treasuring her, she couldn’t imagine anyone leaving her behind…well, maybe she couldn’t talk, as she’d abandoned Reiko too, hadn’t she? She should have tried harder to find her and apologize to her. She’d only gone into town to look for her that one time. It wasn’t like she could claim she hadn’t hurt her, that she would have made her happy.

But still, what kind of garbage man would leave someone as wonderful as Reiko? Leave her alone with no help raising the child he was equally responsible for! Why was it that Reiko had to endure abandonment, to care for her child alone, to die so young, while Souko was surrounded by love, had a wonderful family, owned a thriving flower shop—she felt like she’d somehow sucked all the happiness out of Reiko’s life, and stolen it for herself.

“Are you okay?” Natsume asked tremulously.

She forced a smile. “Yes. So, I take it there’s nobody else you can ask about your grandfather or her passing?”

“A few of my relatives might know, but I wasn’t in a position to ask them.” He smiled a bit ruefully.

Not in a position to ask? What the hell did that mean?

He seemed to notice her confusion and clarified. “I was passed around by relatives a lot when I was younger before I settled here. They generally didn’t like me asking questions or talking about…” he stopped, looking a little pained, and Souko’s heart broke for him all over again.

Reiko had never said anything, but Souko had sort of picked up she’d lived with relatives or perhaps even strangers who didn’t like her. Maybe she’d noticed the signs because she’d been dealing with the same thing. It wasn’t that her relatives had been cruel to her, they’d just been…not very interested, and sometimes exasperated. It was always made clear to her that they were doing her dad a huge favor by letting her convalesce with them, and she had better be grateful.

So she’d bent over backwards to please them, doing all the chores she could, anxiously trying not to make them feel burdened or frustrated. But no matter how she tried, it never seemed to work, so she’d gone to the forest to be alone at times.

Had Natsume Takashi’s relatives been the same way? What kind of monsters would refuse to answer the questions of an orphan who was trying to know the family he never got to meet? And “passed around”—so none of them wanted to give this sweet, thoughtful boy who’d been through so much a stable home?

“Your relatives should feel ashamed,” she said fiercely. “They should have answered your questions. You deserved the answers.”

Natsume looked briefly startled and then shook his head. “It wasn’t like they were bad people. I was just a very difficult child, and it troubled my guardians, so that made it hard to talk.”

The cat made a small “hmmph” noise, and Souko barely restrained herself from doing the same.

She suddenly realized who else Natsume Takashi reminded her of. Natsume was reminiscent of someone who wasn’t like Reiko at all. The way he apologized so quickly, for things that weren’t even his fault, the way he was always looking at her carefully, looking for any hint of sadness, anger, discomfort, and reorienting himself to make her comfortable, the way he made excuses for people that hurt him. He’d likely spent his life apologizing for existing, pushing down any unpleasant emotion, and blaming himself for the cruelty of others.

He was just like her when she’d been younger.

She could see the pain etched on his face when he talked about these relatives. The pain that was probably etched on her face, the same pain she’d seen in Reiko’s face.

What had they done to him? Anger flowed like molten lava inside her. Reiko would have never stood for someone treating her grandson like this. How dare they.

Natsume, of course, seemed to notice her anger and immediately tried to soothe her. “Like I said, the Fujiwaras- my foster family- are extremely kind. They’ve truly made me feel welcomed and cared for. I… don’t think I could ever repay them.”

Souko let herself relax a little. It was true he seemed happy. He had far more confidence than she’d had as a child, and he was calm and content. He may be eager to please, but he wasn’t desperate. And she could tell he really meant it about his foster family too. The affection in his voice was almost overwhelming.

She hoped Reiko had been able to find that kind of refuge. Even though it seemed more and more unlikely with every thing she learned.

“I’m glad to hear that, Natsume. You deserve it. And a child repays a parent by finding their own happiness. That’s all I want for my daughter, and I’m sure it’s all they want for you.”

Natsume grinned. “You’re very kind. I’m glad I could tell you what my grandmother wasn’t able to. I’ve always wanted to do that, ever since I heard the story.”

Now it was Souko’s turn to fidget awkwardly. “Well, thank you for finding it out and telling me. I can tell you really care about her, even if you never met. Going around researching her like this is a big commitment. Is it just because she’s your family or…?”

Natsume rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I…well, I found out she lived in this town and…well, we’ve got some similarities. Um, I think both of us lost our parents and lived with someone else. And you’ve probably noticed I’m a little…” He ducked his head, face going red as a tomato. “…strange.”

There was a slight shame in his tone she didn’t like. “All the best people are,” she told him firmly.

He let out a surprised laugh at this, and looked her in the eye again. “Thanks. It’s just, I know people felt the same way about Reiko, though. That people…said things about her.”

Myself included, Souko though ruefully.

“And well…I’ve found people who accept me. People who truly make me feel like I belong. I want to know she had that too. I want to know that, in the end, she was happy. I shouldn’t get to have all the happiness for myself.”

Hearing her own thoughts echoed back at her was startling. She and this boy truly had too much in common. But hearing him say it unlocked something in her. “You deserve your happiness. Reiko would want that for you, I’m sure of it.”

Natsume gave her a very gentle look and nodded. “You too.”

She looked away. So he’d noticed their similarities as well.

“It’s actually kind of selfish,” Natsume assured her, like it would be deeply wrong if she thought too well of him. “I think sometimes I wish for her happy ending because that means…well, all this will last for me too.”

“That’s normal,” she reassured him. “It’s normal to want that.”

He nodded slightly, rubbing his eyes.

She leaned back one the bench, feeling almost dizzy with all this information, and burdened by her guilt about digging so deep into this boy’s past. “I’m sorry, I know all those questions must have been overwhelming.”

“Not at all,” Natsume said hastily, before Souko could continue. “I’m glad you want to know so much about her. But um, could I ask you some questions too?”

Souko blinked. “Of course.”

Natsume ducked his head shyly, petting his cat.

“Well, since I saw—heard the story, I’ve always wanted to know if you were doing well.”

She’d expected a question about Reiko. Why was he interested in her? “Yes, I am. I’m very happy. I still get sick somewhat easily, but my health has improved a lot since I was a child.”

“I’m glad,” Natsume said, his eyes shining. “Can I ask what made you come back here?”

“Oh, I decided to take a trip with my wife and our daughter and granddaughter.”

She braced herself. The chance he’d turn disgusted and hostile was sizeable, especially in a small rural town like this. Even in Tokyo, it was a risk, and she’d endured responses like “I mean she’s not your real wife, you know. Even if you got married overseas, it doesn’t count here. Those little certificates you get from Shibuya and other places aren’t real marriages either, you know.”  And then there were the obnoxious comments where she had to force a smile and fend off with a light-hearted comeback. (“Wow, I would have never thought you were a lesbian by looking at you!” “Yes, sadly we don’t come with manufacturing labels.”). And even among those progressive enough not to say things like that, there was that moment of shock and awkwardness to contend with.

But there wasn’t even a flicker of surprise across Natsume’s face, it was like he’d already known this about her. “That’s great! I bet you have a wonderful family.”

“I do,” she said, still reeling a bit. Was she just really obvious when talking about Reiko? Or had Reiko…known? And somehow that had come across in when she told her story?

Well, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was this boy’s acceptance made her feel a little bit like Reiko would have accepted her. Even if Reiko had turned out to be straight (Souko was still unclear whether she was, she knew sleeping with a man didn’t confirm anything, she’d done that once herself, and her own wife was bisexual) perhaps she wouldn’t have shunned Souko.

“You seem so much more confident now too. According to Reiko's friend, you were a little shy back then.”

 “I was definitely a shrinking violet compared to her,” Souko chuckled. “But, I became an adult, I had to fend for myself and I learned some confidence. My wife bought out a lot of my confidence too. She’s just as competitive as I am, so I had to keep up with her”.

Natsume smiled, “So you still like to play games? Like you did with Reiko?”

“Sort of. I save the games like the pebble throwing one for my granddaughter,“ She laughed. “But after Reiko beat me when we were kids, I really sharpened my skills, so I still  play that a lot. Kana is absolutely obsessed with beating me. I keep telling her it’s never going to happen. Just like I’ll never be able to run as fast as she does."

With a pang, she realized that it would have been fun to have a rematch with Reiko. But now she never would.

Natsume had that tender, wistful look about him again. “Souko, I want to show you something la—”

“Natsume!”

The boy whipped his head around and then waved to two teenagers in the distance. A tall boy with shaggy hair and a girl with a shoulder length bob were walking up the park path, and they made a beeline for Natsume. As they approached, Souko noticed the shaggy-haired boy was squinting at her suspiciously for some reason, his eyes flicking tensely between her and Natsume.

“Taki! Tanuma!” Natsume said happily. “What are you doing here?”

“We were on our way to meet you! We’re doing a study group, remember?” the girl named Taki replied.

“But I thought that was later—” Natsume checked his watch and groaned “Agh, I didn’t realize what time it was.”

“Who is this, Natsume?” the boy called Tanuma said urgently. He was still looking at her with suspicion.

“Oh, this is Morinaga Souko! She was a friend of my grandmother’s!”

Natsume saying she’d been Reiko’s friend made her flush a bit. It was nice to hear, but it also didn’t exactly feel like the truth. But if Reiko hadn’t been a friend, what was she to Souko?

Souko was derailed from that train of thought by a little squeal from Taki. The cat immediately jumped off Natsume’s lap and ran for the hills with surprising speed considering it’s stubby legs and rotund body.

But instead of looking at the cat, Taki clapped her hands excitedly, beaming at Natsume and then Souko. Tanuma and Natsume looked flabbergasted by this, as if they’d just seen Taki throw away 100 million yen.

“A friend of your grandmother’s! Natsume, that’s so wonderful.”

Natsume smiled shyly. Taki turned to Souko now, and with a quick bow she said “My name is Taki Tooru. It’s nice to meet you.”

Souko responded likewise, still a bit taken aback by the girl’s enthusiasm.

“I lost my own grandfather, so I always treasure when someone can share memories and stories about him,” Taki explained. “Natsume, I’m so glad you can talk to someone who remembers her!”

Natsume shifted with embarrassment, but that soft sincere smile remained.  “Thank you. I’m really glad too, that Souko was willing to talk to her about me”.

Tanuma had stopped glaring at Souko, and now was looking at Natsume with such deep fondness that it was a little bit overwhelming to watch. Most of the tension had left his body too, though he still seemed slightly on guard.

“Natsume, you’re the one who’s been helping me out,” Souko told him. “It means a lot to me that you told me what happened to Reiko, and how she really felt. It’s wonderful to know she has such a caring grandson. It sounds like you have something to do with your friends, but if there’s anything I can do for you, let me know.”

Taki actually clasped her hands at this. “Thank you!” she said at the same time Natsume did. Tanuma unsuccessfully hid his laughter behind his hand. Natsume’s lip trembled like he wanted to start chuckling too, though he forced a stoic expression. Taki looked chagrined, but Souko patted her hand.

“I can tell you’re a wonderful friend, Taki.” Her eyes flicked over to Tanuma, wondering if she should say it was nice to meet him considering they hadn’t spoken, but before she could decide, he gave his own polite bow. “I’m Tanuma Kaname. Sorry I didn’t introduce myself sooner.”

“That’s all right. Nice to meet you, Tanuma. You can both call me Souko.”

Natsune rose from the bench, looking a bit trepidacious. “Um, Souko, how long will you be staying around here?”

“Another week.”

“Would you mind…would you mind meeting up one more time? I want to talk a little more. There’s a few more things I want to tell you about Reiko…and something I wanted to show you.”

“I’d love to!” Souko said and his face lit up.

They exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet in two days. Tanuma and Taki told Natsume they could skip the study session if he wanted to talk more to Souko, but he shook his head. “I need to get ready,” he said cryptically.

Souko waved goodbye as the three kids left. As they walked away, she heard Tanuma whisper “what happened?” as he looked worriedly at Natsume’s bruised face. Natsume said, “the usual” with a wave of his hand.

 Tanuma didn’t look any more satisfied with Natsume’s flippant answer than she would have been, and Natsume seemed to realize this, continuing “Souko patched me up, actually.”

  “She seemed so nice!” Taki said, still elated. “A friend of your grandmother’s! How long did that know each other?”

A friend, she thought as the kids’ voices grew distant, as they walked further and further away. It had been nice to hear Natsume say it, and it was nice to hear Taki say it…even if it wasn’t exactly true.

She and Reiko were an almost. Almost friends. Almost understanding each other. Almost two girls who fit their broken pieces together. There were a million almosts, a million things Reiko could have been to Souko—almost confidants, almost lovers… almost Souko’s first rejection, her first heartbreak, the first time that confessing her feelings cost her a friendship….or she was almost Souko’s first kiss, first time, first awkward teenage romance. There were so many lives they could have led, so many paths they could have gone down.

But they’d both taken their own paths instead. And on Souko’s, she had her granddaughter waiting, waving a stick with chubby fingers, demanding to see which of them could throw the farthest. She had her daughter, who would complain about Souko coming back so late and remind her they were all going to a drive-in movie, and there was Kana, ready to listen to Souko’s story, ready to crow she was definitely going to win at Shogi this time, ready to cuddle close to Souko and ask for comfort when she inevitably lost.  She had her flower shop, the young girl she was training to take it over, her art, and her garden…

She could only hope Reiko had experienced something just as wonderful on her path. At least she could take solace that a little piece of Reiko was living on, in the eyes and heart of Nastume Takashi.

She wondered what the boy was going to show her.

---

And that's it for now! I hope the conversation wasn't too tedious, I was just caught up in thinking what Souko's reactions might be to all the tragic details of Reiko's (and by extension Natsume's) life. It would be tough to have all that dumped on you at once. I could dither over it more, but it's a fanfic, I'm not gonna burn myself out over it.

Hoping to do a very short part two and then finish up the whole thing with part three. I'll just see how people respond to it I guess!

Ao3 link refuses to insert, but again, you can find it here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63207607