#not quite the wanting to kms

[iceicewifey]

so um... i found a pose reference that gave me big vanishay vibes, but then i got carried away then tried to turn it into a lore moment for some reason? 😭

i don’t totally like how his arm looks plus i couldn’t get him low enough because the height difference was making it a really awkward angle, but that’s what i get for copying the anime style again... it’s janky but close enough lmao full disclosure vanilla's bangs and face are heavily referenced bc they were giving me the most grief to copy, no thanks to all those damn little LINES. reference + transparent vers. under the cut!

𝚝𝚊𝚐 𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 :: @goblinselfshippr、 @over--heaven、 @spookysinner45、 @little-miss-selfships | join my tag list ᡣ𐭩

can’t find a direct link since i saw it on pinterest (💔) but it’s by mellon_soup!

[ccherrybloom]

Ashtrays & Antihistamines Pt. 1

oc, m, hayfever, wc: 2.8k

Part 2

CW: foul language and allusions to gay sex lol

~~

a.n. + summary: i don't think i've ever posted a snzfic on this blog, but there's a first for everything, right? featuring my lovely little ocs and their stupid dumb little band. i don't normally write them in snzcerions, but...every now and again i can’t help myself and one slips through the cracks lol. This particular one centers around my absolute shithead of an Irishman, Peter, as he deals with a hayfever flare up for the first time in like…twenty years, lol. of course, ever the lucky one, this begins to happen during the band’s first mini-tour. Cue shenanigans. I hope you all enjoy!

~~

“hH’RRSHhiue!” Peter fell into himself with a harsh sneeze, the band’s rundown van jerking sporadically with its driver’s sudden movement. “Goddamnit!”

“Bless.” Geoff offered lazily from the passenger seat as he turned a page of his book, unbothered by the vehicle’s erratic veer. “That’s like the tenth one since we’ve left Dublin.” The bassist pointed out, shooting the guitarist a pointed look from the corner of his eye. “You alright?”

“Fuckin’ hayfever,” Peter answered as he scrubbed his palm aggressively against the underside of his nose, careful not to put too much pressure against his nose rings. He followed it up with a drawn-out sniffle. “I’m fine. Christ.”

“I don’t remember ya being like this before,” Maurice quipped from the back of the van, leaning forward to join in on the conversation. “I mean hell, ya lived in Dublin fer how many years…?”

“Longer than you, Frenchie.” Peter retorted as he thrust a tattooed hand backwards to try and shove the singer away. Maurice easily dodged with a laugh, swatting at Peter’s hand as Geoff instinctively reached out to steady the van as it began to swerve again. “You can piss right off.”

“Look, I’m just sayin’, yer born and bred Irish — who knew all it took was a few months in London for yer own country to turn on ya.”

“I said piss off.”

“Who gives a shit!” Chris suddenly interjected as he pulled his headphones from his ears, a curly lock of the drummer’s dark hair falling between his eyes. “Just keep your bloody eyes on the road! I dunno ‘bout you lot, but I’d like to get there in one piece.”

Maurice backed off with a snicker, hands up in surrender as Peter quickly flipped Chris off in the rear view mirror before returning his full attention to the road.

After Peter and Maurice had both left Dublin for London a few months shy of one another, the four men began to pour almost all of their free time into their passion project, The Undergrounds. Much to their genuine surprise, people seemed to really enjoy their band’s sound and performances, so much so in fact that they’d hit a point where pubs across the UK were beginning to reach out to them, asking the group to come play for their open mic nights, with some even offering payment. With the requests getting further and further away from their homebase in London, the band finally decided to bite the bullet and buy themselves some transportation, namely their shithole of a van lovingly referred to as Van Halen. Despite its old clunkiness, it really did do the trick, and allowed the men to head across the border on their first ever ‘Let’s-Not-Call-It-A-Tour’ Tour. Realistically, with two of the four members being from (or as close to ‘from’ as one could be, in Maurice’s case) Ireland, the band had picked up quite a bit of traction across the small country with the men getting many open mic night requests which they normally had to turn down, much to Peter’s dismay.

At least until now, that is.

Peter had noticed something was off after their show in Dublin the night prior. At first he just assumed he strained his voice singing backup vocals — a product of over-excitement from getting to play in his old stomping grounds. But by morning the scratchiness in his throat lingered and was now accompanied by faint itchiness in his nose that forewarned him of worse yet to come. 

By the time the men packed up their gear and filed into the van late that afternoon, the unwelcoming prickle that had been festering in his nose demanded more attention, and his eyes began to itch in a maddening way that he hadn’t experienced since he was a kid back in Belfast. Initially he tried to ignore it, chalking it up as a residual reaction to dust from the old pub, or that it had been awhile since Van Halen had gotten a good clean. But as time slowly passed on their nearly three hour drive to Cork, and the itchiness in his sinuses progressed into full-blown sneezing, the reality of the situation began to dawn on him. He was immediately thrust back to Belfast, memories of summers spent constantly sneezing thanks to the fields near his old home, his eyes watering, his nose running, each summer spent absolutely miserable. He hadn’t had a hayfever flare-up in years, thinking it was something he had thankfully outgrown once his mum had moved them to Dublin, but yet here it was, back to rear its ugly head once more all these years later. The familiar lush scents of the countryside that used to conjure such vivid memories of home were now turning every intake of breath the guitarist took into a gamble. 

The itchiness in Peter’s nose only seemed to increase in urgency as Van Halen bumped its way through the Irish countryside. The landscape blurred past the windows, a mix of greens and greys under a sky that threatened rain.

“Nearly there.” Geoff hummed, taking a peek at the map app on his phone. “About another twenty or so.”

“Thank fuck.” Peter grumbled with a sniffle, his eyes squinting past the relentless itchiness. He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel and pulled his glasses up slightly before slamming his wrist into one eye and scrubbing hard.

“I think we could all do with a pint,” Maurice chimed in, trying to lighten the mood. “Especially you, Peter.” He added, gently poking the man’s shoulder.

Peter managed a weak chuckle in response, his wrist still pressed hard into the corner of his eye. 

“Just keep it steady Pete, yeah?” Chris leaned himself forward and rested his elbows onto his knees, eyes scanning the road ahead. “Not much longer and you can go ahead and drown yourself in whatever local brew you fancy.”

Peter opened his mouth to reply, but the van hit a particularly bumpy patch of road, jolting everyone inside. Instead he just swore under his breath, turning his full focus back towards the road as Cork began to appear on the horizon.

“There she is.” Geoff whistled, pointing ahead. “Welcome to Cork, lads.”

Peter managed to manoeuvre Van Halen expertly through the narrow streets of Cork despite battling his allergic reaction, the van’s tires crunching over cobblestone as he pulled them into the parking lot of their dingy motel.

“Home sweet home.” Maurice hummed as he clapped a hand onto Peter’s shoulder, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as the other two members filed out. “At least fer the next few days.”

Peter leaned back into the driver’s seat and let his eyes drift closed as he exhaled deeply, shutting off the engine. He only cracked an eye back open when he felt Maurice give his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“You alright?” The singer asked, his voice low and expression soft.

“I’m grand, Mur.” Peter grumbled, his voice heavy with sarcasm. The real truth of the matter was that he was miserable, itchy, and absolutely dying for a cigarette — not that he cared to say any of that out loud. 

The guitarist pulled off his glasses to give his watery eyes another scrub before continuing. “Just got a fierce bad dose of this nonsense…This shite best be all said and done before our show or I’ll–hh! hH’ITSHHhiue!”

“See, but that’s what we don’t wantcha doin’, actually.” The blonde teased as he patted the guitarist’s shoulder before the other quickly slapped it away as if he were swatting a mosquito.

“You fuck right off, Murry.” Peter sniffled hard, dragging the backside of his hand beneath his nose. “Just get yer shit and get goin’.”

Maurice did as he was told and hopped out of the van with Peter not far behind as the pair hurriedly began to help the others unload. With the sky steadily darkening the four moved quickly, eager to avoid the potential rain. Luckily the unloading and reloading of Van Halen had become more and more familiar with each passing gig, and it didn’t take them long to have all the necessities laid out beside the van, ready to go.

The motel itself was a shabby vintage looking two-story building, its neon sign flickering with an almost uncertain intermittence as if it were clinging onto its last shred of life.

Maurice and Geoff took the lead, carrying the group’s heavier equipment while Chris and Peter followed suit with their four bags. They bustled their way to the reception desk where they were met with a disinterested looking clerk who simply handed them a single worn key with a faded plastic tag attached.

“Yer in room 107.” He mumbled, barely looking up from his magazine.

“Cheers, mate.” Geoff scoffed as he shot the others an exasperated look and snatched the key. He led the group down the dimly lit hallway, their feet dragging against a carpet that had clearly seen better days. When they reached their room Geoff wasted no time unlocking the door and shoving it open, revealing a tightly packed space with two queen beds, a small television, and a bathroom that looked like it hadn’t been updated in at least two decades.

“Alright, how we doin’ this?” Chris asked as he tossed the bags he had onto the closest bed.

“By drawing straws, of course.” Geoff instructed as he pulled a set of straws he had prepared earlier out of his pocket. “Shortest straw shares with the other shortest straw.”

The others agreed on this being fair enough and drew their straws, quickly comparing them.

“Well, it’s you and me, innit?” Chris said as he held up his short straw next to Peter’s. He gave the other a playful nudge and smirked. “Just don’t go tryin’ nuffin, yeah?”

Peter sniffled thickly and shoved Chris away before pinching his nose between his thumb and forefinger, careful to avoid the rings, and itched it aggressively. “I got enough of ya the first time.” He moved from rubbing his nose to scrubbing his eyes, trying to ignore the way Maurice bristled at the mention of their one-off fling. “Won’t be doin’ that again.” Chris flipped him off and called him a wanker, but he went ahead and ignored that too.

“Hey, Pete,” Geoff called out as he tossed his bag onto the other bed. “Why don’t you take a shower? Might help clear up a bit of that hayfever.”

Peter, who’s eyes had started to glaze over, did his best to nod in the ginger’s general direction. “That’s the best ideee-hha I’ve heard all d—hh! hhUH’DITSHhhiuew! ‘IGKSHhhiueww!” He doubled over hard into cupped hands, his entire body tensing violently with each sneeze before he groaned thickly against his palms. “—all damn day.” He finished on an exhale, voice cracking. “-snf- Jaysus…”

“Bless you.” Geoff offered, a twinge of sympathy in his voice. “You know you really ought to—”

“G’way outta that.” Peter interjected with a dismissive wave of his hand as he trudged his way to the bathroom, eyes half-lidded. “Last thing I need is yer bloody mother hennin’, Geoffrey.” He added before pulling the door closed behind him. 

Flicking the light switch, Peter had to wait a full second before the dull fluorescents sputtered to life, illuminating the unsightly bathroom as he dragged his feet towards the shower. The tiles were cracked and the floor was splotchy, but he didn’t care, he just wanted some relief. 

The pipes whined in protest as he turned on the taps before water began to sputter out from the shower head. The water pressure seemed abysmal at best, and Peter cursed to himself as he leaned his weight against the sink, waiting for the water to warm. As steam steadily started filling the small space, he could feel the tightness in his sinuses ease up slightly, making his nose run. The liquid caught on his septum ring and trailed rapidly down towards his upper lip. Blowing out an annoyed breath, the guitarist took a second to wipe his nose haphazardly against his sleeve before stripping and stepping into the tub, letting the warm water cascade over him with an appreciative sigh.

Outside of the bathroom Geoff and Maurice were seated on each side of their shared bed as they sorted through their bags.

“Think he’ll live?” Maurice asked as he pulled out his plastic toiletry bag, setting it to the side.

Geoff gave a small shrug in return, glancing towards the bathroom door. “I reckon it could go either way with that dumb git.”

Maurice snorted at this, but his knit brow betrayed his feigned air of nonchalance. “Just hope the shower helps, I s’ppose. Don’t think we can really afford to have him down fer the count.”

Chris, already sprawled out on the other bed, headphones back on, piped up. “Eh, he’ll be alright. Just needs to wash off whatever’s settin’ ‘im off. It’s no big, yeah? You French people are wound too tight.”

Maurice rolled his eyes at this but chose to ignore the drummer’s comment. “I just don’t want anythin’ to screw this up for us.” He murmured as his eyes fell onto the bathroom door. “That’s all.”

“hh-Hh! hH’dDZTShiueww!” Peter sneezed loudly and openly, his head snapping downwards as the shower’s stream continued to steadily pelt against his tattooed back. He blinked hard, eyes bleary as the need to sneeze lingered in his nose like an unwelcome houseguest. Instinctively he brought up a hand to hover over the lower half of his face as his breathing began to come out in shuddering, shallow gasps. “hah…Ha’TdSHhhiuew!” This one bent him double and he swore immediately afterwards, more than a little frustrated as he blew his nose harshly into his hand. Had his hayfever always been this maddening? He couldn’t remember. It had been a long time since he’d had a flare-up, probably pushing two decades at least. The thought that it had come back now during the band’s first tour just pissed him off further.

Sighing, Peter turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, reaching out for one of the worn threadbare towels from the hotel rack. He dried himself off quickly before wrapping the towel dangerously loose around his waist – the only member who had yet to see his dick was Geoffrey, and the guitarist couldn’t give less of a shit if today was the day that changed.

Wiping a hand across the fogged bathroom mirror, Peter allowed himself a moment to peer at his reflection as he dragged a hand through his damp, dark hair and threw on his glasses. His green eyes were still red-rimmed and watery, his nose and cheeks were decorated with a soft dusting of pink…he looked pathetic, but at least the shower was helping him breathe a little easier.

Residual steam billowed out into the cooler room as Peter made his way out of the bathroom, catching the eye of Maurice.

“Peter,” The singer looked up from his bag and offered the dark-haired man a small smile, taking in the other’s lean frame. “How ye fairin’?” 

“Bit better, I’d say.” Peter hummed, though a small sniffle still escaped him as he wandered over to his bag, making Maurice frown.

“Reckon you’re up for a drink?” Geoff asked, not looking up from his phone. “We were thinking of checking out this pub nearby. Interested?”

Peter mulled it over for a moment, turning his back on the others before dropping his towel and pulling on a pair of boxer-briefs. “Yeah, g’wan then.” He finally affirmed, clearing his throat against a fist as he fished an old t-shirt from his bag. “Pint’ll do me some good.”

“Are ya sure?” The singer asked, chewing on his lip nervously as Peter wiggled into a pair of jeans. “If yer not feelin’ up for it–”

“Sod off, Maurice, will you?” Chris suddenly retaliated as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. “Actin’ like you’re his bloody mum or somefin’ just cos you’re shaggin’. Prat.”

Peter couldn’t help but snort as Maurice glared daggers at Chris, his face turning a delightful shade of crimson. The fact that he and Maurice slept together on occasion wasn’t exactly a secret – their initial one-night stand was how the two had met in the first place, after all – but it wasn’t something that was often discussed amongst the group. Peter personally didn’t care, but Maurice clearly did.

“You don’t see me actin’ like a bloody bellend even though I’ve also sucked his–”

“Ça commence à bien faire!” Maurice shot up suddenly from the bed, cutting Chris off as his native tongue spilled rapidly from his mouth. “Fer the love of God, no more, thank you!” 

The singer hurriedly made a beeline for the hotel room door, grabbing his coat as he rushed past the others, his face absolutely aghast as the others snickered. “Just…hurry up, then! Christ, I need a feckin’ drink…”

“I think we all do.” Geoff huffed as Maurice stepped into the hall. “C’mon, lads. Let’s go.”

[alechans-cutetickles]

🇮🇹:Perfavore fattemi felice cioe pk far parte della communita dell solletico essendo minore FA SCHIFO?! CIOE MI SI SPEZZA IL CUORE QUANDO UN BLOG DI SL DICE "MINORS DNI" MA PK ODIATE I MINORI?!?! (Ho 14 anni)

🇺🇸:pls cheer me up like why be in the tickle community has a minor IT'S SUCK LIKE..MY HEART GET BROKED WHEN A TK BLOG SAY "MINORS DNI" WHY U ALL HATE MINORI!?!? (I'm 14)

[alukaforyou]

omg stop wait i am obsessed w this acne studios musubi bag noooo

[faaun]

lmao looking at her insta highlights was a mistake

[karinn2279]

back to smoking pack a day. why can’t I fucking quit.

[loyletomycapo]

//

[acridid-s]

I swear to fucking god, if they don't hire some new employees soon, and if that one coworker doesn't come back to help out already, I will lose my fucking mind.

[catbureau]

This may be my most controversial take on here but honestly I don’t think it’s anti-feminist if a woman goes on here and bitches about how much she hates her job. A lot of people hate their job and want to quit. That’s just the facts. Talk to any man and you’ll find that a lot of them would also love to retire early and immerse themselves in hobbies. We shouldn’t have to pretend to love working the same jobs men hate just to justify being allowed to have them.

[bawnjourno]

the sun is out, the sky is blue, and i am having a fucking rotten mental time to the point that i don’t feel like i even deserve to feel better

[widevibratobitch]

.

[wintersettled]

i am once again thinking about the hilichurl rogue :(

the first time i fought it was actually yesterday after climbing a mountain in fontaine cause i wanted to see what it was and the drops really reminded me of neanderthal flower burials + how both neanderthals and hilichurls are/have been seen as primitive beings despite tons of evidence to the contrary (ignoring what we know about khaenri'ah since the curse of the wild seems to cause them to be catatonic for a period of time).

theres tons of literature on how neanderthals actually appear to be similar to homo sapiens and have higher mental functioning as evidenced through their tools, their presumed social structures (taking care of injured/disabled neanderthals rather than abandoning them as would be thought of beings focused only on survival), but most notably for this the evidence of "flower burials" at Shanidar.

Basically, two neanderthals were found buried in primarily medicinal flowers (indicating their possible role in their group). I believe there were 11(?) other neanderthals found there who appeared to have been crushed by rockfall whos ages (if my memory is correct) were from around 7 to mid 40s. The reason i bring this up is because of one of the flowers found at Shanidar: Achillea/Yarrows. I find these flowers to be fairly similar in appearance of the petals (excluding size) to the hilichurl rogues drops

Now, each drops description:

A Flower Yet to Bloom "a wildflower that a hilichurl rogue treasured. it was plucked before it could bloom. the hilichurl takes nothing with it in its sojourn across the wilderness save this flower."

Treasured Flower "a wild flower that a hilichurl picked bereft of any special qualities. flowers can be used as gifts or offerings to express ones feelings in many cultures"

for this description in specific i would actually like to quote Ralph S Solecki's "The Implications of the Shanidar Cave Neanderthal Flower Burial"

"Under normal circumstances, today, in many cultures, flowers and death go together, as one can see a funeral corteges and burials. The association of flowers as tokens of esteem, respect, or for the joy of looking at [...]. According to the Encyclopaedia Britannica, 'the flower has been a universal symbol of beauty in the civilizations of the world. Confucius included its cultivation among the arts that were essential to a man of culture.' We pride ourselves thinking that we know a lot about Neanderthal man, but the association of flowers with Neanderthals adds a whole new dimension to our knowledge of him, and his humanistic nature."

Wanderer's Blooming Flower "a blooming wild flower that a hilichurl rogue treasured, bereft of any special qualities. the eternal outlander asks not for reward, but only to see their deeds come to fruition"

TLDR (abstract lol); hilichurl rogue drops remind me of the neanderthal flower burials found at shanidar

below the cutoff are some sources if you want to do further reading on neanderthals

(im not an anthropologist or even studying it btw but here are some articles on neanderthals i used for a bibliography on neanderthal spirituality in an anth class last winter in case you want to read up on it, theyre formatted in SAA kinda)

Appenzeller, Tim

     2013    Neanderthal Culture: Old Masters. Nature 497:302-304. 

Hochadel, Oliver

     2020    The Flower People of Shanidar: Telling a New Tale of Neanderthal Brothers. In 

Narratives and Comparisons, edited by Martin Carrier, Rebecca Mertens, and Carsen Reinhardt, pp. 99-122. Bielefeld University Press, Bielefeld. https://doi.org/10.14361/9783839454152-005

Mitchell, Mary Shirley

    2021   Geoarchaeological Methods and the Intentionality of Neanderthal Burial. Furthering

Perspectives 11:29-41. https://mountainscholar.org/bitstream/handle/10217/233626/JOUF_FurtheringPerspectives_vol10.pdf?sequence=1#page=29

Morris-Kay, Gillian M. 

    2010    The Evolution of Human Artistic Creativity. Journal of Anatomy 216:158-176. 

Pomeroy, Emma, Paul Bennett, Chris O. Hunt, Tim Reynolds, Lucy Farr, and Marine Frouin

    2020      New Neanderthal Remains Associated with the ‘Flower Burial’ at Shanidar

Cave. Antiquity 94:11-26. http://dx.doi.org/10.15184/aqy.2019.207

[zalimaaa]

applying to work for an exam board is kinda like the most self-betrayal thing i have ever done but money . i guess

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

[mistninja]

Im going to murder my professor shes genuinely making me want to quit this class altogether and fail and even quit uni

[yther]

Two (or was it 3?) years ago I spent "christmas" and the next week in the same pair of clothes on a bed with no sheet or blanket and I used a trash bag when I was too cold. I weighed 20lbs less but I had muscle still. I wish I knew then what I knew now. I would go back to absolute hopelessness and scarcity if I could save myself from the people I'd meet or the person I was with.

But mostly, I regret that I gave up, I thought I had nothing more to lose when in reality I had my whole life, still. I had my life. I had a FUCKTON more health, even though I clearly took it for granted. And as much as I feel like I did back then, that I have nothing at all to lose, I have learned It can always get worse! AlWAYS!

Suicide is not reliable, brain damage sucks. So... Shit really really sucks this year and I promised myself that I wouldn't endure another, but I should break that promise..? I should find a way to survive. But I am so tired and hurt and angry. So confused.

I miss humanity. I miss... so much and I'll never understand what has been done to me or taken from me (at least to the full extent). I need to find my way back to some community, somewhere somehow. I need to fight this vicious isolation and recover from the harassment and violation. I need to "fight" - I'm not sure what that means anymore. I need to survive, and that itself is a fight I'm losing.

I don't see any path forward, but I know there is one..? I also know I have been terrorized and traumatized for so long I can barely speak coherently irl. I didn't sleep or eat and terror as an energy source has a hell of a price. I don't trust myself to think. Really think and make important decisions. I desperately need that ability but I'm only getting more exhausted and malnourished and broken and afraid..

Survival is resistance but <forever blinking cursor>