#not paraphrasing

[the-siphonophore]

This woman is a bloodhound

My housemate smells my lunch from ACROSS THE HOUSE and texts me

"what are you eating?"

"Quesadilla..?"

"I think I'll make myself one, smells good, it smells good"

Like it's not that weird it just feels quietly deranged am I losing my mind??

[parasitoidism]

(fandombrained person trying to express their observation that a female character has more than one personality trait) she's like a girlboss but she's also a girlfailure sometimes

[lotus-pear]

charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️

[mohntilyet]

"for the chance to be by your side i would storm the black city itself. never doubt it" "let me make a promise to you here. i dream you will say yes" "tell me this ends with me asleep in your arms, and i will kill any god you ask" can we hear it for the antivans!!!!!!!! can we PLEASE hear it for the antivans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[princema-k]

arent u tired of being of being nice..... dont u wanna go Apeshitt

(quote in no.3 courtesy of tearay1073's comment on this vid)

[here-comes-the-moose]

Wrecker: We should send Echo. Everyone likes Echo.

Hunter: Not everyone.

Crosshair, loading his rifle: Who doesn’t like Echo? I want names and locations.

[benevolenterrancy]

I'm on chpt20 and I want to study SQQ like a bug. My man is flushed, hair down, robes literally falling off his shoulders, LBH on his lap playing with his hair and kissing him... and he finally cottons on to the fact that maybe this isn't how you have a platonic and important discussion. Enforces it for all of five seconds at which point LBH starts massaging his waist and SQQ is back to being like "yeah this is fine and normal". Amazing. Can't believe he insults the IQ of SQH's characters.

[tojisun]

saw this post before my ass accidentally refreshed the goddamn feed BUT BUT—

someone said her man would grunt in her ears and say something like, “c’mon baby, fuck me back.”

and when she says, “s’too big :((” her mans apparently replies with, “well, s’all yours so take it all.”

I SCREWCHED??? ITS SO KYLE IM GONNA CRY

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

coming home from the green day concert last night, i told my brother "you know, i respect billie joe a lot for keeping up with the culture. the guy's a family man in his fifty's, but he's still wearing eyeliner and jumping around on stage and writing songs about hating america and kissing boys. i really respect him for trying to keep punk faggot culture alive." and my brother was quiet for a second, then he said "i don't think i've ever heard someone use 'punk faggot' as a compliment before"

[revvethasmythh]

Dorian saying, "We live with the fear of death every day, but you get one taste of it and you want to abandon your family and run?" was cunty as hell, actually, and i love him

[tragedy-machine]

Cameo week highlights so far, payneland edition:

- if Edwin and Charles could choose their afterlife it would be each other

- puppy debacle of 06 was Charles bringing in a ghost puppy that turned out not to be a normal one (maybe a hell hound??)

- if they weren't detectives Edwin would go into smth editorial and Charles would go into fighting

- IF they went on a date, Charles would want to take Edwin to do smth outdoorsy that they don't usually do e.g. doing something sporty

- they would want to take the other on vacation to the Maldives and to Scotland (guess who chose which lol)

- Charles uses physical touch as reassurance, and feels reassured by Edwin's praise like "excellent job today, Charles", Edwin takes care of Charles by fixing up his clothes

- Charles likes how intelligent, competent and organized Edwin is, Edwin likes how protective and brave Charles is

[mossy-cobble-slab]

Zedaph: So, have you been practicing your sheepy knowledge every day since you were last on the show?

Mumbo: I've been thinking a lot about sheep and I've been very paranoid of sheep. I've been acknowledging their eyelines. Every time I pass a sheep I've been checking if it's looking at me.

Zedaph: So this show has given you a deep sense of paranoia, is what you're telling me?

Mumbo: Yeah, no. I'm in a bad place.

[greatgoddyke]

ur afraid of being corny but i was born on the cob

[demonic0angel]

Things that happened at Thanksgiving today, but I make it DPxDC

Damian: … Richard? What are you doing?

Dick: *standing on the lawn and staring into the distance* I’ve been watching Danny try and struggle to park for the past fifteen minutes.

Damian: Oh. *also stops to watch* Have you seen Danielle and Jasmine come in?

Dick: Tbh, no. I’ve been watching Danny this entire time. And oh— oh! He stopped. Ooh, he turned around. He’s leaving. Damn, he gave up entirely and decided to park on the grass. Oh, he ran over Alfred’s bushes.

Damian:

Dick:

Damian: He won’t make it past the gates without Alfred sniping him.

Dick: Damn, you’re right.

————

Damian: *after Jason did something* what do you think you’re doing, Todd?

Jason: Lol, your mom

Damian: Actually, my mom only used you for her own goals. In fact, your mom abandoned you. Twice.

Jason:

Dick: Now, Damian, that’s not—

Damian: People who have had their mothers die in front of them should not speak.

Dick:

Damian: *pointing at Tim* And you! You may have had two parents at one point, but they definitely don’t consider you as their child! That’s why you had to stay with your neighbors so long! You’re an inconvenience!

Tim:

Stephanie: Hey now—

Damian: I don’t even want to hear you. Does your mother know you go out and fight crime? Does she even care?

Stephanie:

Damian: *looking at Cass* You too, Cassandra! But mommy issues wouldn’t be the least of your problems with your daddy issues as well!

Cass:

Damian: *turning around to Danny* And I didn’t forget about you, Fenton! No wonder you fit right in, your abandonment issues, raging teenage angst, and appearance makes you just at home, doesn’t it?!

Danny:

Tim: …. What about Jazz?

Jazz: *who’s been silent the entire time*

Damian:

Jazz:

Everybody else:

Damian: No, she’s a guest here. Why would I do that?

————

Dani: Pfft— Tim, Tim, can I— *can’t breathe from laughing too hard* can I touch your hair? It just looks so soft! *still laughing*

Tim: …?

Jazz and Danny: *also laughing their guts out*

Dani: *tries to reach for Tim but she keeps laughing and can’t focus on asking him* Your hair looks so soft— keheheh! C-Can I touch it??

Dani: *eventually swipes her finger under Tim’s nose and falls off of her chair from cackling so loud*

Tim: …..

Jason: *also bursting out in laughter* YOUR FACE!! BWAHAHAHAH

*Dani then proceeded to do this four more separate times with other people*

————

Dick: You know how Harley is back together with the Joker?

Dan: Yeah?

Dick: He cheated on Harley again.

Danny: *whirling around, flabbergasted* HUH?!

————

Dick: *carrying several bottles* Alright! Time for alcohol!

Jazz: Uhhh, Dick? Damian is right there—

Dick: He’s getting drunk tonight too!!

Everyone: ????

Damian: Yes! Alcoholism! *takes a plastic cup and takes a big gulp*

Dan: *looking at the bottle* This says sparkling apple cider?

Dick: Shhhh, just watch the show.

————

*dramatic screaming from other room*

Bruce: ….? What’s that?

Dick: Is that Jason? He sounds like he’s in pain

Bruce: *standing up* is he okay? Does he need help? Should I go and help him?! What’s happening—

Tim: Jason is playing ping pong with Dan and Danny. And losing really badly while Jazz is watching.

Bruce:

Dick:

Tim:

Bruce: oh.

[bubbarnes]

“... at the end of the trailer, I think I am a bit of both Bucky Barnes and The Winter Soldier, you know? maybe I don't kill them first.”

[lauriemarch]

and at the end of the day, people will still hate women.

because beyonce is a terrible songwriter who has a good body and nothing more and she's really nothing compared to olivia rodrigo, that stuck-up bitch who steals other people's music, but taylor swift is an old, bitter nothing who clearly hates other girls. and sabrina carpenter deserves to die because she followed her heart, not her brain, and that's exactly why zendaya will never be good enough for tom holland. don't forget about kylie jenner, who's stealing precious timothee's innocence away and dating her is like committing arthouse cinema suicide, or how we said the same thing about miley cyrus and her disgusting profanity, think of the children, poor liam hemsworth, trapped in a marriage with such a horrible woman. lana del rey was hot until she was big and she made trailerpark sexy until her ass got a little too fat. and ariana grande, talentless homewrecker, and selena gomez, jealous and unreasonable, and hailey bieber, even more boring than the blood drying on the knives you are so quick to pull. sophie turner is a bad mom and megan thee stallion deserved whatever was coming to her.

and amidst all of this, we still don't know these women. we cannot fathom the pain of having a public divorce, one where people choose sides and hurl insults at you until the battery on their phone dies. we don't watch them chase after sweet-cheeked children in tucked-away backyards or play board games with their best friends while their chests heave in laughter. we don't know their marriages and we don't know their solitudes. we don't watch them unravel themselves, time and time again, preparing for the battle that we have made of their lives. they can never make a mistake. they can never cry. they can never be who they believe themselves to be.

and we take all of this and we go to work, we ride the bus, we go grocery shopping, we walk in dappled sunlight, and we let ourselves shrivel. i compare myself to every body i see and i comfort in the fact that i can still encircle my wrists with my fingers. food turns to dust in my mouth when i think about the fact that taylor swift thinks she's fat and people still hate sabrina carpenter for sticking by joshua bassett's side when he almost died, for God's sake, and now the people on my twitter feed are saying GUTS is the worst album they've ever heard. i liked it, the tiny voice in my head cries out. she wrote songs that made me feel noticed. they're calling the song i relate to the most a total skip.

so i close the app. i try not to think about the endless profiles screaming about how much they hate a nineteen/thirty-two/thirty-eight/twenty-three/twenty-six/forty-two year old. i try not to think about how much they would hate me, if they knew anything at all.