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maxdurden · 6 months ago

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i'm a waste of a woman, but i taste like success

read it on ao3 here!

Story: i'm a waste of a woman, but i taste like success

Chapter: 1/1

Characters: Kipperlilly Copperkettle, Lucy Frostblade, Ruben Hopclap, Mary Ann Skuttle, Ivy Embra, Oisin Hakinvar

Summary:

Kipperlilly Copperkettle has never been great with people. She's worse with friends. Forming an adventuring party is like making friends, but with greater stakes and far less time to consider your options. But, it's also a kind of friend making that has structure. And Kipperlilly can work with structure. -- Inspired by these comments by Brennan Lee Mulligan about Kipperlilly and the formation of the High Five Heroes: "There's an indication there of Kipperlilly's focus because yeah, the High-Five Heroes is sweet, but it's also sort of a indication that Kipperlilly is pushing them towards, for lack of a better word, do we have something that we're about? The Bad Kids get their name because they've all been given detention on the first day and it's connected to their story. Whereas you get the sense from the High-Five Heroes that it's not actually describing anything. It's like the person being like, "Our inside joke is going to be high-fives." And you're like, "Well, everyone high-fives." So there's an indication there, for me at least, that Kipperlily is trying to make a comradery right away that is not actually there. It's not based in something that happened to them."

The lunchroom of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy was bustling with excited freshmen. Students shouted across the large space to friends they recognized, throngs of already-formed cliques chittered with exclusive excitement, and groupings of sorcerers and bards scoped out potential parties that still needed their skill sets. Technically, the formation of adventuring parties wasn’t meant to begin until after lunch, but it was immediately clear that those who waited were most likely to be left out.

A group of kids who clearly all fit the stoner archetype had already gathered around a table, swapping bags of chips and chatting eagerly about systems of control. A few kids hung nervously around the edges of the cafeteria, some on their crystals and others fidgeting nervously as they watched the ruthless game of high school socialization play out in front of them.

There were a few tables with lone freshmen, either texting friends or digging into their food with little care for the scarcity of resources that were friends and party members. Kipperlilly was one such student, but she had her eyes on the prize. She unwrapped the lunch she had carefully packed for herself, and laid out her bullet journal to review her color coded notes while she waited for Lucy.

She hadn’t discussed the plan explicitly with her best friend before their first day—and there was nothing Kipperlilly hated more than not having a plan nailed down—but she had faith in Lucy. She would know that they belonged in a party together, naturally. From there, it would just be a matter of constructing the perfect party around them. That would hardly be a challenge when she’d been planning this out for months. She knew exactly the kinds of party members they would need, and had started her scouting early.

A powerful wizard could make or break a party, and Oisin Hakinvar was a perfect candidate. He had gone with them to Oakshield Middle, though they’d never spoken before. Once, in seventh grade, Kipperlilly had watched him give a presentation on his proud dragon heritage—the exact kind of thing that made a great adventurer.

She had a few ideas for fighters and barbarians, but she’d already watched Nixie Humphries, a human fighter she’d had her eye on, and Fog Marrowthirst, a transfer half-orc barbarian, get snatched up by other adventuring parties. She carefully marked them from her list, bouncing her leg impatiently under the table. She looked up from her notes and craned her neck to look for Lucy when a small, kobold girl with an ax strapped to her back sat down at the table several seats away.

Kipperlilly’s grip tightened on her red pen, but she breathed out slowly through her nose just like the counselor at Oakshield had always suggested she try. Things were not going according to plan, but that didn’t mean all hope was lost.

“I’m saving these seats for my friends, actually.” She flashed an approximation of a friendly smile across the table.

The kobold girl didn’t look up from her device—It wasn’t a crystal, but some kind of childish looking handheld game. Without taking her eyes off of it, the girl reached around to grab a soda out of the pocket of her backpack.

Kipperlilly cleared her throat. “Excuse me?” She said, a bit louder. “I’m waiting for my friends to sit here with me.”

Her future friends, that was. Her adventuring party that she would save the world with time and again. For now, they’d just be getting to know each other, but why waste time with half measures? Their lives would be in each other’s hands. They would share in their glory for the rest of their careers. They would be friends, closer than they could imagine eventually. Calling them anything other than friends felt like a slight against that eventual bond.

It was like the kobold girl wasn’t hearing her at all. Kipperlilly set down her red pen and stood—

“Kip!” Lucy called as she approached. She was dressed in one of her favorite cable knit sweaters, one that she’d only recently reclaimed from Kipperlilly’s theft, and was carrying her tray of creamed corn and cafeteria food.

Keeping pace next to her was Ruben Hopclap. He was wearing cargo shorts and flip flops, smiling in a way that Kipperlilly could only interpret as smug.

“Sorry, Ruben and I got held up in the lunch line,” Lucy slid into the seat across from her. She knew Kipperlilly well enough to know that she was brimming with impatience before more than a word had passed between them. “You want to be in our adventuring party, right? I’m so excited!”

Our adventuring party. As in, Lucy and Ruben’s adventuring party. Heat rose to Kipperlilly’s face. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all. It was meant to be our party as in, her and Lucy’s party. Lucy was meant to come find her first. Lunch line or no, why had she sought out Ruben first?

Hot, angry tears closed up the back of her throat but before they could start to prick at her eyes, Kipperlilly inhaled sharply through her nose. Steadily and slowly inwards, hold, then breathe out at the same pace. She dug her fingernails into her palm under the table for good measure.

“Yeah, of course.” Now wasn’t the time to pick a fight, even if she’d picked fights over less before. She had to keep her eye on the goal. “Just, forget my plan, I guess.” She muttered, unable to help herself, and marked a large, red ‘x’ over the names of potential bard candidates for their party. Ruben’s name hadn’t been listed there.

She should have discussed this all with Lucy beforehand. She knew it.

Lucy’s brows pinched together in concern and Ruben huffed out an incredulous breath. They were both familiar with her moods.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a plan.” Lucy reached across the table tentatively, resting a cold hand on Kipperlilly’s. “Can I see the rest? I’m sure you’ve got good ideas.”

Always patient. It wasn’t fair. Sometimes, Kipperlilly could manage to goad Lucy into a fight but it was a vanishingly rare thing the older they got. Something about it made the molten rock in her chest feel heavier.

“Yeah, I had some ideas for who we could ask.�� She said, reminding herself that self-pity needed to take a back seat to accomplishing her goal. She’d worked hard to convince her parents to let her attend Aguefort. She’d created a comprehensive, data-backed presentation about the benefits this school could offer that Mumple couldn’t in the first semester of her eighth grade year. A vital part of proving herself right was forming the ideal party. As much as she might have liked to sulk until Lucy had no choice but to admit that she’d been wrong for not seeking her out first, now wasn’t the time.

“Great!” Lucy smiled, pulling the bullet journal toward herself.

Her eyes were such a deep blue that it was hard to tell their color in some lighting, but under the fluorescent cafeteria lights they were easy to see as she turned her careful attention to the pages in front of her. Her focus was always steady and intentional. At sleepovers and study groups, Kipperlilly would often get distracted just watching her read.

“Why are these names crossed out?” She asked, pointing with a long finger to Fog and Nixie’s names.

“They already have a party.”

The corners of Lucy’s lips crept upwards in a soft, amused smile. She looked up from the list and carefully scanned the cafeteria before her eyes landed on the kobold girl sitting only a few seats away.

“Oh, I’m sorry for ignoring you,” She said, “I’m Lucy Frostblade, what’s your name?”

The girl still didn’t look up from her game. Watching Lucy get rebuffed was almost enough to make Kipperlilly properly lose her cool, but Ruben suddenly leaned forward to get a better look.

“Is that a Quokki Pet?” He asked.

Finally, the girl’s head rose. She regarded Ruben with mild interest. “Do you play?”

“I used to have one in middle school, but a teacher took it. My parents wouldn’t buy me a new one.” Now that he mentioned it, Kipperlilly remembered the small handheld game Ruben had clung to for a few months in seventh grade.

He’d been caught checking it during math class and it was confiscated by Mrs. Nikothoe, who even Kipperlilly had to admit was a nightmare of a woman. While she probably couldn’t be blamed for taking away a distraction from a student, she hadn’t even liked Kipperlilly despite all her efforts. So for once she and Ruben had come down on the same side of an issue. It had been a refreshing change of pace, even if it had only lasted an afternoon.

“Lame.” The girl responded shortly and her attention started to turn back toward her game.

Lucy was quick on the draw, though, “You have an ax! Are you a barbarian?”

“Yes.” Mary Ann seemed slightly bothered by the continued distraction, but humored them for now.

Kipperlilly could see where this was going and very much didn’t like it. She tried to signal Lucy to stop, tapping on the bullet journal that was still in front of her. Sure, her first choices were off the table but there had to be better choices than this girl.

“We’re looking for a barbarian for our party. Do you want to join?”

The kobold girl looked between the three of them for a moment. Kipperlilly stared back and tried to imagine her going into a rage—tried to imagine what good a two foot tall barbarian could possibly be. She just prayed that they’d be rejected.

“Sure.” No such luck. “I’m Mary Ann.” And with that, her attention was back on that stupid Quokki game.

“I’m Ruben!”

“Didn’t ask.”

Kipperlilly was staring at Lucy in disbelief when their eyes met again. What was she thinking? This was a disaster. “We need to find Oisin Hakinvar.” She said, gathering up her things. There was no time to waste. She couldn’t possibly let this go any worse than it already had.

“Oisin? From Oakshield?” Lucy asked.

“I haven’t finished my creamed corn!” Ruben complained through a mouth full of the stuff. Kipperlilly shot him a dangerous glare. He did not want to get in her way right now.

Lucy rushed to catch up with Kipperlilly as she shoved her things in her bag and made a beeline out of the cafeteria. Oisin may very well have already been out on the quad, where there was an even more concentrated focus on forming parties. It might have been too late.

“Kip, calm down,” Lucy insisted as they pushed through the front doors of the school together. Ruben and Mary Ann trailed somewhere behind them, the latter with her nose still stuck in her game. “It’ll all work out. There’s no rush.”

But that just wasn’t true. Kipperlilly didn’t have time to argue the point. Stepping onto the school’s quad, she took careful stock of everyone there. Some girls had gathered around one of the many statues of Arthur Aguefort and were giggling to themselves. A few students had gathered around to watch an elven boy show off his magical prowess. Kipperlilly had to dash through his prestidigitation sparks when she spotted a blue, scaly head behind the base of a nearby statue.

Lucy followed after her, apologizing to the elf as she passed. Kipperlilly came to stand in front of Oisin Hakinvar. He was sitting at the base of a statue, eating his lunch with a vaguely familiar wood elf girl. If he had a party already, they were nowhere to be seen. He looked up from his food, pushing up his glasses and frowning thoughtfully at the halfling in front of him.

“Can I help you with something?” He asked.

“Yes,” As she spoke, Lucy and the others caught up behind her. “I’m Kipperlilly Copperkettle. We went to middle school together. I’d like you to be the wizard in our adventuring party.”

“I’m Lucy Frostblade,” Lucy jumped in when Oisin’s hesitation dragged on for a beat too long. “We had history class together last year. I know this is kind of a lot, but you’re really impressive! And we’ve got enough room still for you to join, too, Ivy. Are you a ranger?”

The wood elf girl, Ivy—Kipperlilly noted the shortcomings in her research that she didn’t realize Oisin had someone he wouldn’t join a party without—regarded Lucy with a carefully controlled expression. “Yeah, I am.”

“That’s perfect! I don’t think any of us here are super well versed in the natural world, so you’d be a great help.” Lucy offered a friendly smile, a real one, and Ivy and Oisin exchanged glances.

“Okay, so you all want us, but why should we want to join you?” He asked after a moment.

He was considering it. This was good. Kipperlilly could work with this. “We’re impressive in our own right! I’m a rogue, and one day I’ll be the greatest mastermind Spyre has ever seen. I was in student government in middle school; I was the president of four clubs, and the creator of two of those. I’ve never gotten a grade worse than a B in my life. If you stick with me, you don’t have to worry about failing.” And I’d be the perfect leader, was what she didn't say. “And Lucy is a prodigious cleric of Ruvina. She’s worked some serious miracles—”

“I’ll keep you alive.” Lucy interrupted sheepishly. She wasn’t one for bragging, even if Kipperlilly thought she should have been. “That’s what you really want to hear from a cleric, isn’t it? And this is Ruben, he’s a bard and a genuinely talented musician.”

Ruben flashed a proud grin. “I’ve already figured out how to cast healing word, so you doubly won’t die if you stick with us.” He had no problem bragging.

“And this is Mary Ann, we just met but—”

Mary Ann pulled her ax from her back with the hand that wasn’t holding her game. She dropped it into the soft ground with a satisfying thud. “I’m a barbarian.”

“She’s a barbarian.” Lucy repeated with a grin.

“Nice elevator pitch. Did you practice it?” Ivy asked, and Kipperlilly honestly couldn’t say if she was intentionally being snarky or not.

“Doubly not dying is a pretty tempting offer,” Oisin admitted. “One of my friends in middle school was a worshiper of Ruvina,” he addressed Lucy directly, “Pretty cool stuff—No pun intended.”

Lucy laughed, “Pun appreciated, intentional or not. So, what do you say?”

Again, Oisin and Ivy exchanged some kind of silent communication—Kipperlilly wondered if it was a message spell, or if they really did just have a knack for understanding one another—before either of them spoke.

“Sounds like a plan. Makes it easier that you guys already have all the other members figured out, too.”

Ivy joining the team hadn’t been the plan, either. But Lucy was right that a ranger would be helpful and, even if she seemed mean, she had to be better than Ruben or Mary Ann. A small weight lifted off Kipperlilly’s shoulders as she realized she’d succeeded, at least in her first goal of the day.

She grinned, mostly because she was relieved that this was done, and quickly held up her hand for Lucy to high five. She owed her shared credit, especially for winning Oisin over, even if the improvisation with Mary Ann had been unwelcome.

With a satisfying smack, their hands collided, and Kipperlilly carried on down the line. Ruben seemed confused, but returned her high five nonetheless. Ivy and Oisin seemed equally amused by the offer, but played along. Mary Ann, who was focused entirely on her game, didn’t even look up to see Kipperlilly’s hand hovering in front of her. Kipperlilly paused, and waited, but felt the awkward tension growing the longer she did, and eventually dropped her hand.

“Look at that! We can call ourselves the High-Five Heroes!” She chimed, trying to power through the way Mary Ann’s snub had robbed her of some of her momentum. She’d prepared for this moment, planned out the name.

It had to land.

Kipperlilly had never been great with making friends in the past. Lucy was her best friend mostly because Lucy was a wonderful presence and brought joy and light to her life, but there was certainly an element of the fact that Lucy was her only friend, too. Adventuring parties were all best friends. They were bound by blood and trauma and life debts. This was the perfect opportunity for her to finally get things right. And she intended to; She had meticulously planned exactly how she would.

An awkward silence fell over the group. Ivy looked at Oisin with raised eyebrows and Kipperlilly tried desperately to read into the expression. Maybe awkward was the wrong word, maybe it was awed? She fidgeted aimlessly with her hands, feeling the way sweat collected on her palms.

“Everybody high fives.” Ruben scoffed and Kipperlilly felt her heart drop. This was exactly why he couldn’t be here. He was going to ruin it all, and just to piss her off.

She silently worked her jaw for a moment, trying to grind out any combination of words that would salvage this.

“I think it’s cool!” Lucy came to her rescue, as always. “We’re going to be heroes!”

It seemed that, at the very least, that was a sentiment they could all get behind. Her suggestion might not have been met with the enthusiasm she’d prefer, but Kipperlilly relished her accomplishment as each member of the group signaled their approval. The High Five Heroes weren’t only going to be heroes, they wouldn’t just be friends—they’d be great. She could feel it.

#kipperlilly copperkettle #the rat grinders #lucy frostblade #ruben hopclap #mary ann skuttle #oisin hakinvar #ivy embra #i just. you're not gonna get away for vilifying a teenage girl for her lack of social skills and control freak nature on my watch #i'll literally die for her right to be The Worst #like does she suck?? yeah kinda #is she sinister?? hell no #fhjy spoilers #ig??

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asgardian--angels · 5 months ago

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anyway seeing people on iwtvtwt being legitimately upset/put off by the previews for ep 7 baffle me, im looking around the room like i thought we were all here to revel in this fucked up vampire love story which is, and I cannot stress enough, fucked up

I mean I'm obviously not seeing this from book fans but, it just is wild to me that show-only fans are somehow having a moment of 'whoa this is so messed up are they really going to xyz? I don't know if I can handle this' or even that they aren't going to watch it

did you miss the part where lestat literally dragged louis by the jaw in a trail of blood down the alleyway, or when lestat stone cold threatened to grind claudia's bones into dust if she didn't get back in her cage for louis's so-called happiness, or any number of the other pretty fucked up stuff in s1? let alone the very bonkers messed up stuff in the books? I just. We literally already had a scene in s2 where Louis hallucinates Lestat telling Louis to kill him because that's the only way Louis knows how to love, followed by Louis actually smashing his skull over and over against a stone wall only to realize he killed a random innocent person instead. That kind of fucked up is the expectation for this season.

Look, eps 7-8 are going to be intense, but still well within the realm of what's established in the show and certainly within the wide wide realm of the anne rice books. The show goes some very dark places emotionally and physically, and that's critical to the point of the show itself. Will it be tragic, and unfair, and brutal? Absolutely, as it was in the book. We cannot stop that Titanic from hitting the iceberg - Claudia will die and we cannot prevent it, but Armand could have and did not. There will be senseless cruelty, and mind games, and dark acts of rage and revenge. This is gothic horror and gothic romance, and I just don't think anyone should be genuinely surprised by what that entails.

Most of all, I just absolutely do not want to see any negativity towards the show after this episode, any 'how could you's or 'this was sick and disgusting' or animosity towards writers, cast, crew, etc. Do Not. This is not the show to be asking for, or expecting, violence or tragedy to be toned down, or major plot points like Claudia's death to be somehow changed. You do not need to have read the books to love this show, but it is imperative to acknowledge the show echoes the books in both content and tone, and that it does not shy away from those dark venturings is a hallmark of an excellent adaptation of an iconic series.

Anyways I am kind of apprehensive of going on Twitter after this episode, because I just want to revel in my feelings and not have to deal with or even think about other people's myopic grievances. This episode is going to make me lose my mind in the best of ways, and the more fucked up it is, the better. I want to see everything unravel, I want to see things in the present day come to a head, I want to see Lestat being made to condemn his sister-daughter to death, I want to feel Louis's sorrow and helplessness and rage when he cannot save her. Let's just have a good time, alright? We're not here because we want a happy show where everyone turns out alright in the end, we want a story that is compelling and complex and tragic and reflective.

basically everytime i see these twitter opinions i just remember jacob anderson in full burnt prosthetics singing jones barbecue and foot massage

#iwtv #just had to get this off my chest because of how many comments to this effect i've seen on my twitter timeline thanks to the algorithm #like be upset at the characters but like. dont u dare say bad things about rolin or the writers or anyone making the show #this is meant to be a beautiful tragic gothic story. fucked up shit is part of the premise. it won't be alright in the end #let the tale seduce you etc etc #i will say no more on this. i like seeing others' reactions to the episodes but part of me enjoyed watching by myself before fandom #like i mean. i can't control your limits for gore or emotional manipulation or what have you. stay safe yall.#but i really cannot believe that you think it's coming out of left field or smth like #'gasp! toxic relationships abuse and graphic cruelty in MY toxic relationship abuse and graphic cruelty show?'#like i said. jones barbecue and foot massage #the actors are out there having a grand ol time filming these scenes and are so happy with the product so just #don't go freaking out ok?

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