#not many people do which is why it's such an impressive thing for show jay

[penofwildfire]

If the Movie Ninja went through Skybound Jay would wish it all away the second the pirates tried to do anything and Nya would kill Nadakhan with her bare hands I think.

[originalwinnercheesecake]

Guess's on How Sasappis died.

Sasappis is the last ghost for us to learn his death. Sass is very private (undead) person, and we have been given no real/clear hints to his death. His ghost power (To enter into the dreams of the livings) could easily correlate to him being a story teller, and not necisarly "He died in his sleep, after catching a sever fever, that also caused him to have very strange dreams. Note I do not believe that Sass died of a fever. They would have incorporated some sign of it into his character. He would be more tired, feel more cold, possibly have a "unexplainable sweating problem". He also does not have any vibsiable gaping wounds, like Pete, Flower, or Stephanie, so that rules out death by attacker. So the question is how did Sass die

Now he could have died of some kind of sickness, but I do not think it is very likely. For one thing he is implied to have had a sudden death, just days before an important tribal ceremony he was planning/supposed to take part in. Correct me if I am wrong, but wouldn't most sickness take a period of weeks, months, years to do him in. A second thing again he isn't really sickly in the the show. All the cholera ghosts are flushed and still hacking. Issac will sneeze and mention stomach pains. But Sass seems fine, so if he has any kind of sickness then he has been masking it for 500 years. That is really sad.

He also could have could died if he went walk in the woods one night and fell from a cliff or out of a tree... but if that happened well that is kinda anti-climactic for how long we had to wait. I would rate that on the same scale as Thorfinn dying because he went walking with his helmet, through a storm and was struck by lightening. It is just a case of him not being as careful as he should have been. Not nearly an impressive follow up to Alberta or Hetty's more recently revealed deaths.... But you could make it more sad. Sass and his crush Shiki are implied to have died in the same year. Sass says that when they were alive, he was ghosted by Shiki after gifting a freshly killed deer to her family, as a jester of love. What if that was because Shiki actually went missing (i.e. died) shortly after, and Sass went out to search for her?

Another death I have considered was a food related one. A detail of Sass's character is is the most in love with food smells (the closest they can come to eating) of all the ghosts. He hangs out in the kitchen whenever Jay is cooking, consistently begs Sam and Jay to cook more of his favorite smelling food: pepperoni pizza, and I am honestly half expecting him to move into the barn once Jay's restaurant opens... What if Sass's love of food is actually a hint at his death? Maybe he had an allergy and accidentally ate something he was not supposed to? Or, maybe he had diabetes or some other dietary need, a crop or the meat from a particular animal, and Sass died when it was wiped out or disappeared. With so many people in the U.S. having dietary issues, and the countries known love of food, I could see the show choosing to write an episode on dietary importance, and the need for people from all walks of life to have access to healthy food.

My finale theory is one I have actually gotten off Tumblr, from the people who are fans of both the CBS and BBC series. Some people are suggesting Sass got bit by a poison snake or something and died from the poison venom. The puncture marks are small enough for Sass to be able to conceal with his clothing. Apparently something of the similar nature happened to BBC's Kitty? And I actually know a really good way to blend that into Sass's personality and a possible reason for why he became a ghost. Sass as mentioned loves stories and is a gifted story teller. But also as mentioned he is very private person who gets nervous about speaking in front of crowds. A week before the tribes festival Sass's father gave him an eagle's feather, which was believed to help bring confidence and courage. But what if Sass was still nervous/afraid afterwards. What as the days got closer got more more nervous/afraid, until he decided to do something reckless and stupid, to prove to himself that he could be brave. Something like walking through a more dangerous (poison animal infested) part of valley, telling himself "If I can brave this I will have no reason to be afraid of anything anymore". While that would not be the most exciting death, it would be very tragic, and it could set up "Overcoming the fears he had as a living", all of them, as Sass's unfinished business. Essentially, he would need to become a more rounded and confident person. Note that seems to also be Pete's unfinished business. Sass and Pete are roommates, and we have had at least a few really nice episodes exploring their relationship. It would be really cool if that continued to him and Pete having to teach themselves the same thing, but in different ways.

[primewalker]

i want to talk about jay’s voice change

in the first 7 seasons, jay’s voice was lower and a lot of people prefer this voice and get mad that they changed it. but i want to say that i DO NOT BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY ‘CHANGED’ IT!! and here’s why:

i personally think that jay is trans and autistic. with these two things comes a lot to do with the voice. autistic people typically have a naturally higher voice compared to neurotypicals, and when you are both trans AND autistic (like myself) it becomes a huge point of dysphoria.

even if he isn’t trans or autistic tho, it doesn’t exclude that he could have dysphoria around his voice! a lot of cis guys have it, especially in their teen years, thinking that their voice ‘isn’t masculine enough’ because they don’t have as low of a register as other men do

bc of all this it would make sense that jay lowered his voice on purpose in the earlier seasons, especially considering that he was younger and trying to impress everyone (esp nya) constantly. another reason i think he lowered it on purpose is because he still uses that register in the later seasons!

there are many times after the reboot of the show where jay will be very focused on something or trying to come off seriously and drops the pitch of his voice to that lower register again. even in season 2 of Dragons Rising he does it, during the flashback with Nya.

I just think that Jay was able to be more comfortable with his voice after a while and finally stopped trying to hide his naturally higher tone. It’s also not annoying or stupid or anything like a lot of people say and i’m not even going to get into that because it pisses me off.

Lastly, if i recall correctly, Michael Adamthwaite said that he made the choices about Jay’s voice himself, no one told him to changed anything. So I would believe that Michael made the decisions for Jay’s voice based on his own interpretation of the character development arc. which further makes me believe that jay’s current, higher pitched, voice is just genuinely who he is!

whoever doesn’t like his voice, whatever, i always get pissed talking about it because it’s like the main point people use to hate on jay and he’s my favorite character so obviously i’m gonna get mad, but this is just what i think about jay’s voice change

[taddymason]

What do you think about S6 Jay? I've always felt conflicted about his character due to this season, (but that comes from the fact that Skybound is a total mess). I didn't like how he used his wishes to impress Nya so she would date him. It annoyed me that he kept making decisions that wronged his friends because he couldn't let go of the idea she didn't want a relationship with him. I'm conscious this is the consequence of the messy love triangle from season 3, but it would've been nice to see Jay growing up from his relationship with Nya. (And if the writers were so desperate to make Jay and Nya endgame, at least they could've shown us Jay apologizing for everything he did during the season (lying to his friends, not accepting her refusal). They could've shown us Nya bring up the love triangle, and why she went for Cole when she was with Jay. You know, resolve the problems in their relationship and the things each of them did).

But no, they show us Jay making his final wish: "I wish you had taken my hand, and no one ever found that teapot in the first place". That decision feels like he hasn't progressed about his relationship with Nya from the start of the season. At the beginning of Skybound, she clarifies she doesn't want to be with him, so why would Jay wish she had taken his hand? Like, she's dying, and he's still thinking about that moment. What the hell? There were so many ways that scene could've gone, instead of Jay making her do something against her will. (Kind of? I think that depends on the interpretation of each person).

On the other hand, I didn't like how Nya's feelings were handled. One of the main problems her character had to face in season 6 was feeling she wasn't able to choose her destiny. She found out she was destined to be with Jay, and Nadakhan was forcing her to be with him. She literally said she felt that her whole life had been defined by other people, rather than by herself. However, at the end of the season, Jay wishes she had done what she didn't want to do at first.

I don't know, Skybound feels like an amount of missed opportunities for Nya's and Jay's character development.

Oh, skybound. skybound.

This season is a disaster for me and probably the season I feel the most conflicted about.

Overall I think most of the characters this season are pretty ooc. From Cole making sexist jokes for no reason, to Lloyd remaining strangely quiet throughout the EP5 conflict, to Jay throwing his own friends' security out the window to be with Nya. NOT EVEN S3 JAY (which was also a low point) WAS LIKE THIS. Even with all of his insecurities or rivalry with him, as soon as the situation demanded it or Cole was in danger (S3EP9) Jay could focus on what was at stake.

Instead, for some reason during the middle of the season Jay is EXTREMELY desperate to be with Nya to the point that he doesn't even care about his own team.

Look, I don't even mind that they make a season where Jay is an asshole and has to confront the consequences of his actions to learn to be more mature and aware of what he does (most of my fics are like that anyway). Do they want to do a season where Jay lies until his mistakes blow up in his face and where his selfishness is finally tested? I'm on board. If there is something that makes him such an interesting character, it's his flaws. Jay is selfish, he lies very often, he is opportunistic, and that makes his arcs so different from everyone else's.

Now, I hate that this is all solely because of his obsession with Nya. I've said it before but the worst thing about Jaya is when she becomes Jay's only motivation and interest to do everything he does. The season punishes Jay for resorting to wishes, not for continuing to believe that he has the right to be with Nya as if it were a necessity for him. The moral of the season shouldn't be "if you wish something enough, you'll find a way to make it happen" but; you don't need to be with someone else to be happy. Jay doesn't have to depend on Nya for his own happiness, and the season surprisingly never says otherwise.

From start to the ending, Nya remains Jay's final motivation. Literally her final wish is him imposing her will on her again (I know the wish supposedly didn't affect Nya but I think it's a mistake to make a character's wishes remain static from the beginning to the end of history).

so basically the season is a bunch of wasted potential that could have been a really good season to develop both characters. There are good things in S6, I'm not going to deny it. Jay from EP6 onwards has some pretty good moments, like him learning to be a leader, showing that he is a capable and intelligent member who ends up motivating others (Jay inspiring people is a rant for another day). And it's probably the most seriously the show takes his character.

I think the season would be better if it ended up addressing other things as well. There are many hints of Jay feeling worthless, Jay being insecure because he is poor/weak, believing he needs to be with Nya to be happy. And the season doesn't do much with this anyway. So, wouldn't it be better if the season wasn't Jay and Nya getting back together, but rather Jay realizing his own worth as a person? What if Jay resorts to wishes because he doesn't feel valuable as a member of the team? because he starts to believe that Nya is a better blue ninja than him? Or because his powers begin to fail and weaken as he is not maintaining his true potential by allowing himself to be consumed by his own insecurities? There are MANY ways to resolve this conflict without having Nya come back to him as some kind of prize.

...This is spoilers for my Skybound rewrite btw

but yeah, I agree with everything you say, Jay and Nya deserved better this season and I think what affected it the most was making the ending have to be these two getting back together with just ONE episode of them speaking sincerely

Sorry for the long post, Ty for the ask! ^^

[kazosa]

Wildwood Prequel: Tempted

Summary: It's been years since Jensen has visited you in your tiny hometown and you wanted it to be a special visit. However, your boyfriend didn't make it feel very special.

Pairing: female reader x Jensen Ackles

Word count: 15k

Warnings: language and a cussy nickname, fighting, talk of shady dealings, mentions of past abuse

a/n: please remember, this is fiction and not intended to be disrespectful to any real-life people

It had been quite a while since Jensen had visited your tiny town and you wanted to make sure everything was perfect in your apartment before he arrived. He was getting to be a big-shot, in your eyes, and you wanted things to look nice for him, like you assumed he was accustomed.

“Who are you trying to impress? I thought this guy is just a friend?” your boyfriend of several years asked.

“He doesn’t come here very often. I want to give him a nice welcome.”

“Or you could just keep it nice like this all of the time.”

“Or you could not trash my place every time you come over. You know, clean up after yourself, like adults do,” you frisbee threw a game case of his at him.

“Doesn’t your ‘boyfriend’ play video games?” he almost sneered.

“That has nothing to do with anything, Grant. I don’t mind your playing video games. I mind that when you’re here that’s all you do,” you countered.

Grant went to where you kept his games in the tv stand and pulled out a few more, then went back to the door to put on his shoes, saying nothing the whole time.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“I am going to play my video games somewhere else.”

“You’re not going to stay to meet Jay?”

“Nah, I’d just mess it up, right?”

Grant reached for the door but it was already opening. Jensen stood on the other side, looking his typical handsome self so effortlessly. Gray shorts, black band t-shirt, backwards hat, tennis shoes and a ridiculously small suitcase.

“Hey, how ya doin’?” he stuck out his hand, “Jay.”

Grant just looked him up and down before walking away without another word.

“Charming,” he said to you. “Who was that guy?”

“My boyfriend,” you moved so he could step inside. He smelled of your favorite cologne of his.

“Seems like a real winner,” he closed the door.

“Don’t start,” you warned.

“Y|N, I’m not even here 5 minutes and I already don’t like the guy. Why was he talking to you like that?”

“Eavesdropping, really?”

“When I hear a shitty tone…”

You sighed heavily. “I guess he didn’t like me calling him out on how he’s messy when he’s here.”

“So he takes advantage of you?”

“Can we not talk about Grant, please?”

He patted his chest, “C’mere. I haven’t gotten my hug yet.”

You gladly took the hug from Jensen. He wrapped you in a cocoon of his affection and melted away your stress. As always, it had been too long since you’d seen him last and you felt like you had a lot of catching up to do, though you often wrote to one another.

He released you from his bone-crushing embrace and you felt a lot better.

“How was your trip? Did everything go okay? Did you drive from the airport?”

“It’s hard as hell to get here,” he said.

“It’s not a cakewalk to see you either,” you smiled.

“No shit. I’m still surprised you come to so many conventions. I need to come here more. The trip was like all the rest. And yeah, I drove here from the airport. Wait til you see the car.”

“Ooo! What’d you get?”

“I said, ‘wait.’ You need to show me around again. You’ve changed things since I was here last,” he said.

He only knew the obvious, but you were holding onto a secret to surprise him. You did the basic tour of the living, dining and kitchen since they were all one room. New windows and planter boxes with fake plants, because you have a brown thumb. Refinished wood floors throughout. Down the hall to the guest bath which had new fixtures and tile.

You opened the guest room door, “Your room sir.” You stepped into the room and bowed with a flourish.

You waited and watched as he tried to figure out why it was so bright in the room. He scanned the corners before finally looking up.

“Whoa, that’s cool. I’m surprised the landlord let you do that,” he said.

“Well, kinda been keeping a secret from you,” you showed him to your room where he could see two more skylights, “I own the building.”

He looked very confused. “And? What else? How did you save that much money? I know you negotiate the shit out of everything and even if you cut a smokin’ deal on this building…”

“Which I did.”

“...Buildings like this don’t go for under a hundred fifty grand,” he paused, waiting for your response. “Spillit, what’d you do?”

“I wrote a book and sent it to a bunch of publishers hoping someone would publish it and make some money and one publisher did and not only did people buy it, a whole shitload of people bout it and now I’m kinda well off but not filthy rich yet,” you gasped after saying all of that in one breath. “Oh my god, it feels so good to finally tell you that. I’ve been holding onto that since the last time I saw you, but I didn’t want to say anything unless it fell through or the book was a flop, but it wasn’t.”

The gears in Jensen’s head were spinning at max RPM.

“What book?” You took his arm and pulled him around the corner inside your bedroom to where you had your desk set up…and a big goddamned poster hung on the wall.

“That’s my first ever cover art. It hung outside a Barnes & Noble in New York City for two months.”

Jensen studied the enormous poster, “You’ve gotta be shitting me. I’ll be damned.”

“What? Why?!”

“Don’t panic. No shame in the game sweetheart,” he said.

“You sounded like Dean just then.”

“Funny you should say that,” he turned to face you and pointed sideways at the poster. “There were people, that means guys too, who were reading that book on set for a couple months, at least. If I had known it was you, I would have read it, too. Not to mention, I would have had serious cool points.”

“No. God. I’m glad you didn’t read it.”

“Why?”

“It’s basically FULL smut and I would never be able to look anyone in the eye again if I knew they read it,” you felt very hot all of a sudden.

“Oh, you dirty, dirty girl,” he crooned. “Now I really want to know all the shameful things you wrote about.” He spotted a copy on the shelf and reached for it.

“Don’t you dare! I will die right here and you’ll have to resuscitate me.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he teased.

“I had onions with lunch.”

“Sinner.”

“Promise me you will never read anything I write with a romance cover.” He just looked at you. “I mean it, promise me,” you poked his chest.

“Ow! Meanie,” he rubbed his chest.

“I need you to say the words, Jay.”

“I promise,” he said.

You poked his chest again.

“Ah-ha-howww! Okay, bony fingers,” he took a step back, “I promise I won’t read any of your filthy smut, money-making books.”

“Thank you,” you said.

“I’ll just buy the audio book,” he teased, narrowly dodging another bony-finger jab. “Who was your inspiration? Anyone I know?”

“I can’t with you. I’ll be in the living room when you get control of yourself,” you said.

“Sounds like something dom would say.”

“What?”

“What?” Y|N turned back around to walk out and he snickered. “Seriously though, is that supposed to be me?”

“Gerard Butler!” she said and flipped him off.

“Ach, a fine Scottish lad,” he said to himself as he looked around her desk and room. A stack of notebooks. Cup full of pens. Pictures of random things pinned to a cork board. On another wall she had her ridiculous number of convention photos with him and his friends. She had him do funny stuff, but Jared…he might have to have a talk with him.

The picture that really made him sit down and take notice was the one she had on her bedside table. It was a picture of the two of them when they were kids. He’d come up with his family to visit and they’d gone to a little resort town not far from where Y|N lived and rented a cabin for a week. He’d had the best time. They went out in the lake a lot, either swimming or on jet skis. They rode on a paddle boat, went to a little amusement park, rode bikes all over. Mackenzie and Josh were old enough to not need him or Y|N to look after them and Y|N’s brother was older than both of them, so they could do almost anything they wanted.

The picture was of them on the deck that overlooked the lake, sitting on the deck swing together. By the look of the picture, it was nighttime and Y|N was leaning on him to get in close for the picture. They both looked a little sunburnt and a lot happy.

“I always loved that picture. Great summer vacation,” she said from a few steps inside the doorway.

“Yeah, it was,” he agreed. “And you keep it next to the bed where your boyfriend can see it?” She nodded with a shrug. “You savage.”

“I barely know him in comparison to you,” she said, flopping down on the bed, staring up through the skylight.

Jensen laid down, too, so he could look, with her.

“Fuckface doesn’t know about the book and your money, right?” he asked.

She snorted, “No. I told him I really liked it and bought the poster. Told him the books were an oops. He doesn’t even know I own this building. He just knows I can afford things, so he doesn’t ask questions.”

You both laid there for a minute, watching the clouds float by.

“I bet it looks cool at night,” he said.

“You’ll get to see it from your room just fine,” you didn’t move.

“Don’t marry that guy, Nova,” he said softly.

“Hadn’t planned on it,” you realized.

“He’s not mister right.”

“He’s Mr. Right Now.”

He twisted his head and neck to meet your gaze. “Someday, I’ll settle down with someone, but not him. He has weird feet,” you said. “I don’t want any potential children to get his weird feet.”

He laughed, “I’m glad you have standards.”

“How’s Dee?” you didn’t want to ask.

“Hmm,” he should have seen that coming, “She’s good.”

Please don’t fall for her and marry her, you thought.

“Are you guys getting serious?” you asked.

He thought for a moment, unsure of what to tell Y|N. 

“Yeah, it kind of is… it is. We worked on a movie… I got to know her really well. I really like her, Nova, can you just try to like her, too?”

“For you, I will try.”

After bullshitting and catching up, you were getting hungry and went into the kitchen to get dinner going. The last time you got groceries, there was only one thing you specifically wanted to make for Jensen and had bought the needed ingredients. You pulled out a bowl, cutting board, colander, pot and two knives. Jensen came out of the bathroom and found you making all of the noise in the kitchen.

“Ey, what’re we doin’?” he asked, coming around the corner.

“Making you a home-cooked meal,” you said. Jensen went to one of the stools at the island. “Don’t sit there, you’re helping.”

“Just checking the stability of the stool,” he wiggled it a little. “You should fix that. What do you need me to do?”

“Anyone ever buy your bullshit?”

“All the time.”

“I bet,” you rolled your eyes.

“The trick is, you gotta believe your own bullshit. Really sell it,” he made a fist and slowly pumped it.

“Get out the tomatoes, green onions and garlic,” you told him, shaking your head.

He did as he was told and laid them out on the island.

“Grab the salt, pepper, olive oil, balsamic vinegar and parsley.

You were rinsing off the onions one by one because they always had a little dirt still on them and you were pulling off any wilted pieces. You had the whole process down to a science but you absolutely hated cutting the tomatoes. “You start cleaning the tomatoes.” You put the pot on the stove and used the pot filler to get it to the level you needed and threw some salt in the water. Once the water was heating, you went back to Jensen and the vegetables.

“Start seeding and dicing the tomatoes,” you said.

Jensen just looked at you.

“Seriously? How did Donna let you get away with not helping in the kitchen?” you wanted to know.

“I’m a guest!”

“Guests don’t have a key to my apartment, Jay. If you don’t help, I’m not making this for you again.”

“Pretty confident,” he picked up a knife and tomato.

“Damn right. I guarantee you’ll want me to make this again.”

He shook his head. “Whatever. Do you have any meat to go with this?”

“I don’t eat red meat,” you said.

“You eat hamburgers and meat sauce…”

“Yes, and that is browned. I can’t do it if it’s pink or red.”

It was his turn to look at you in shock. “All the times we’ve eaten together… I never noticed. I don’t know what to think about this.”

“You act like I’m a criminal,” you chopped the onions.

“I’m not sure I even know you.”

“Oh shut up, get on those tomatoes,” you laughed. “I figured we could go to the butcher tomorrow. George doesn’t work in the afternoons.”

“Gotta love small towns,” he was making quick work of the tomatoes. “How do you know the butcher by name if you don’t eat red meat?”

You grinned, “It’s a small town and I’ve lived here all my life. And George is a butcher, that means all meat. Besides, I gotta get my ground beef somewhere.”

For a few moments, you were both quiet while you made dinner. Finally the water came to a boil and you could add the noodles. While you combined the ingredients into a separate bowl, you told Jensen to go to your stereo and put on some music. He chose one of your vinyl albums. The speakers hissed and crackled a moment before it went quiet, then the music began… with a familiar heartbeat. Huey Lewis & the News started with The Heart of Rock & Roll.

Jensen turned to face you, tapping his hand on his chest along with the heartbeat in the song. Ever the showman, Jensen was about to perform for you while you stirred the noodles. He danced around your apartment, singing along the whole time. He flopped down on your couch just as the song ended, only slightly winded.

Finally finished, you drained and cooled the noodles, then put them in the fridge to cool longer. Heart and Soul was already playing.

“Still not ready?” he asked.

“Good lord… are you going to waste away waiting ten minutes longer?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Tough shit, whiner.” You started dancing to show how much you did not give a fuck. You waved your hands for him to get up and dance with you. One thing about being with Jensen was that neither of you ever got embarrassed around the other and you both could be as dorky as you wanted.

Bad is Bad began and the whole vibe changed. He took your hands and did slower movements with you to match the song tempo and danced in an early 60s dance style. You didn’t remember the song having such a sultry feel to it, but dancing with Jensen, and to that song, had you feeling a certain kind of way.

The song wound down and he pulled you close. Your heart was racing and you thought he might kiss you.

“Well! Looks like I got home in time for dinner and a show!” Grant said from the door. “What in the hell is going on here?”

Jensen let go of you and put himself between you and Grant.

“Nothing, man. Just dancing with my friend,” Jensen explained.

“Is that what it was? Because it looked like a scene from Dirty Dancing in here,” Grant’s voice was filled with accusation.

“Have you ever danced with her?” Jensen briefly waited, already knowing the answer. “You should, she’s got good moves.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Grant shoved the taller Jensen.

“She’s a good dancer. I don’t want to have to put you down, pal,” Jensen raised his hands, showing he didn’t want to fight.

“Damnit, Grant, back off!” you told him. “You’re making something out of nothing.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I am,” Grant said, voice dripping with poison. “And to think I was going to apologize for before. How long have you been after Y|N? Have you been fucking her on all of her ‘business trips’? Is that what you did while I was gone today?”

“Grant!”

“You got a lot of nerve, pal,” Jensen tried to keep calm.

“Yeah. I walk into my own apartment and see some guy putting the moves on my girlfriend, but I’ve got a lot of nerve?”

“Dude, she’s not your girlfriend. She’s more like your mom cleaning up after you and allowing you to be in her presence. How much have you mooched off of her? Do you contribute anything to the relationship? You worthless piece of shit.” Jensen was ready.

You moved to the other side of the island as Jensen got the response he was hoping for when Grant threw the first punch. Jensen easily dodged the attempted blow and deflected Grant’s momentum. What Jensen hadn’t anticipated was how scrappy Grant was and he came back at Jensen full force with a tackle, tumbling them both to the floor with a loud thud.

The sounds of fists meeting flesh reached your ears from your side of the island and two of the bar stools toppled in the fray. You turned on the water to cold and aimed the sink sprayer at the floor and opened fire, dousing them both with the icy water.

“That’s enough!” you shouted, banging on the empty pot with your plastic Pampered Chef spoon. Jensen hopped up quickly but Grant couldn’t help getting in one more cheap shot and sucker punched him in the gut.

“I should press charges!” Grant shouted.

“No you fucking won’t,” you snarled. “Give me your key.”

“What? Why?” Grant was utterly clueless.

“You are no longer welcome in my house.” you said as calmly as you could muster.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“Give her the key, fuckface,” Jensen said in a tone that warned not to make him ask again.

“Hand it over, or I can have the cops take it from you,” you said.

“We’re done,” Grant said and put the key on the island.

You rolled your eyes. “I thought I already made that clear. Your face had better not darken my doorway again. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Don’t look in my general direction. You’re dead to me as soon as you walk out the door.”

“Yeah, okay, you talk a big game. You fuck with me, I’ll fuck with you back,” Grant threatened and wiped at the blood on his face.

“Maybe I do talk a big game, but… am I? You have no idea if the rumors about my family are true, do you?” you asked. Seeing the appropriate reaction on his face, you opened the door. “Don’t threaten me. Just get the fuck out.”

Behind you, you could feel Jensen wound tight as a spring waiting for Grant to try something else. You stood out on the landing watching to make sure Grant left the building. When you heard the door latch click into place, you went back inside your apartment.

Jensen had set both of the stools back on their feet and was at the record player when you went back inside. You were just in time to see him flip the vinyl in his hands and carefully place the needle. He surprised you with his choice since it wasn’t the flipside of Huey Lewis.

“Bob Seger, nice choice,” you said, flipping the deadbolt and security latch on the door.

“Let me look at you,” you said, noticing Grant might have landed a blow after all.

You had him sit on one of the barstools where you proceeded to manhandle his face under the pendant light at the island.

“Is it bad?” he asked, hissing when you hit a tender spot.

“No, not really. Looks like a scuff, but we should clean it up so you don’t get cooties from him,” you said.

“Are you going to come at me with a wire brush, or will you be gentle?” he asked.

“Whichever one you want me to do, …opposite.”

He sighed loudly, “Bring the pain, I guess.”

“My brave boy,” you patted his shoulder. “C’mon, I don’t want to haul out the first aid kit out here. And don’t you dare try to make a break for it.”

He followed you to the bathroom and sat on the closed toilet lid. You pulled out the kit from the medicine cabinet and set it on the small counter next to the sink. You pulled out the items you needed and got out a washcloth. Once it was wet you put a lot of liquid soap on the washcloth and held it to Jensen’s cheek.

“What rumors?” he asked.

It took a moment to remember what you’d said earlier to Grant. “Oh, well, my grandpa had a large family and ran a construction business with some of my uncles. So heavy equipment for grading, welding and cutting torches, et cetera. Some not nice guys got into a bad situation and, allegedly, my uncles made the situation go away.”

Jensen looked up at you with eyes wide, “Allegedly?”

“Nothing was proven. Not even enough to arrest anyone.”

His eyes darted around the small room, processing. “Was Sir part of it?”

You snort laughed, “Jensen, you can stop calling my dad ‘Sir’ I think you’ve gotten past that part.”

You took the washcloth from him and rinsed the wound, gently wiping away Grant cooties.

“Answer the question.”

Trying not to actually laugh in his face, you answered, “No, my dad was not part of it. In his family, he’s one of the 3 youngest kids and was about 12 when that ‘situation’ happened. It was an allegation directed at my older uncles.”

“Sure am finding out a lot about you tonight,” he mused. “How come you never told me this before?”

“It’s not something one really goes around talking about, ya know? Sometimes secrets need to stay secrets. And it’s not about me, it’s about my uncles. It’s handy to have that particular card in your back pocket in case an asshole starts throwing punches at my friends.”

He seemed to accept this answer.

“Do you tell your friends about me?” you asked him.

He shook his head slightly, “No, not really. They know about you. They know I’m here visiting you and know you’re important to me, but that’s about it. I only ever tell them about ‘Nova’. They didn’t even put it together about your book. Hell, I didn’t even connect it.” He thought a moment, “I kind of want to keep you protected. Do you tell your friends about me?”

“I’d like to, but… I don’t know… I kinda like to keep you to myself. You’re like the ultimate hidden gem. Even if I did, they wouldn’t believe me. I’ve gone to three conventions now and they just think I’m obsessed with the show. Told ‘em I wanted to see my friend Jensen and they’re just like ‘mhm, okay’ and roll their eyes.” The wound was looking better, it wasn’t deep at all. “This is going to sting.” You didn’t give him a chance to react before you put your hand over his eye and sprayed a couple shots of rubbing alcohol on the wound.

“Mmmmmmotherfucker!” he growled.

“I’m sorry, honey,” you said, and without thinking you leaned down and kissed his forehead.

Awkward silence followed as you cleaned up the first aid kit and rinsed out the washcloth.

“Why do you even have the kit?” he asked.

“Believe it or not, I’m a klutz, or so I’ve been told. …and sometimes Grant needed it.” you explained.

“That’s not comforting.”

You didn’t say anything further about Grant. “The noodles are probably perfect now.”

Being so close to Jensen tended to overwhelm the senses. Even after knowing him so long, you still hadn’t become desensitized. You got out the pasta and ingredients bowl from the fridge. You needed to get yourself together. You only just kicked out Grant, and Jensen was still very much involved with Dee. You didn’t want to do anything stupid that would be the cause of any unhappiness in Jensen’s life, or yours. You dished up the noodles and Jensen joined you from the bathroom. You pushed the pasta bowl at him.

You got your bowl ready then went to the stereo to load up the CD player tray with music you knew you would both like. Your usual favorites were hand and it only took a moment to be happy with your selections. You put the Bob Seger album away then told the CD player to shuffle before returning to the kitchen to pour yourself a drink of your favorite soda.

When Jensen was ready, you had him follow you to your room and the fire escape then led him up to the roof where you had a deck built with a pergola, sun shades, lighting, speakers and a fan. It was your little oasis and it was a great place to watch any weather come in, too. So far, it was breezy, but not windy. By the look of the clouds, you thought it might rain after dark.

“This is great,” Jensen said.

“Yeah, you can see everything up here.”

“So, what’s the plan?”

“Tonight, we’re chillin’ like villains,” you turned on the power to the pergola.

“Dude.”

“I know,” you grinned. You turned on the fan and the speakers which played the music from your CD player. Tomorrow we’ll go to the butcher. We’ll need to stop by The Liquor Store and Sportsman’s to visit my grandma. At some point, we’re having dinner with my parents. Friday is the first full day of the fair, so we can go to the park and check out all of the stuff there. They’ll have a lot of vendors selling all kinds of stuff, there’s a car show, games. Saturday has the parade, more stuff at the park, lots of animals, fair food, crowning of the county princess. The fair itself has at least 3 big rides and one of those potato sack ride things, huuuuuge Ferris Wheel… I’m sure there’s more, but I can’t think of it all right now. You’ll be begging to go back to work to get a break from it all.”

“Gotta love small towns,” he said again, then took a bite of the pasta.

You watched for his reaction.

He looked over at you. 

“Go on, say it. I know you want to,” you smirked, taking a bite.

“Alright,” he took another bite, “This is really good.”

“And?”

He rolled his eyes. “I want the recipe,” he grumbled.

“Thank you.”

The music from the CD player came through the speakers you’d had wired and was a nice background sound for you and Jensen to chat. Though it was after 7 PM, it was still hot as hell and not cooling off at all. You hoped the cold front would come through sooner than later. You bumped up the fan speed and tried to ignore the trickle of sweat running down your back.

It didn’t take long for either of you to finish what you’d put in your dishes. 

“How do you not eat everything you made in one sitting?” he rested a hand on his happy belly.

You laughed, “Sometimes I do. Usually I just make enough for me, though. Wanna go for a drive, or are you too beat? We can get ice cream.”

“You had me at ‘go for a drive’.” he said getting up from the adirondack chair your dad had made. He turned to help you up from yours. 

“Nice chairs,” he noted.

“Thanks, my dad made them for me.”

“No shit? Nice work.” 

You both started walking back toward the fire escape.

“And how is Sir doing?” he asked.

Ever since Jensen first met your dad, he’d had an abundance of terrified respect for him and always referred to him as “Sir.” It may have been due to the fact that your dad was even taller than Jensen and intimidating as hell. 

“Are you ever going to use his actual name?”

“Maybe when he doesn’t scare the shit out of me,” he said, reaching the stairs. “Is this his handiwork, too?” he indicated the metal fire escape.

You nodded. “He didn’t make it, but it’s his design,” you answered. “The last set was pretty old and rusting away.”

“You and your family have quite the skill sets,” he mused.

You didn’t know if he was referring to your uncles’ side-business, or your immediate family. “What do you mean?” you followed him inside the window and to the kitchen.

“Your mom does interior design, crafts all kinds of stuff, and has made some amazing flower arrangements. Your brother is an artist, publishes a comic, and does some crazy hand-lettering. Your dad is a self-taught engineer, woodworker, hella smart, hella scary…” 

“...not sure that’s a skill…”

“And you… you seem to have all of those skills and you write novels, best-selling novels…”

…it’s only one…”

“But I know you. I saw your board. You’re writing another.”

“True, I am… why are you telling me this? You and your family are pretty awesome, too. You can memorize scripts so easily and can do pretty much anything you want… Are we just saying we’re impressed with each other?”

“And you’re athletic,” he nodded.

“You’re athletic. Just because I can do things that resemble sports doesn’t mean I like to sweat. You do that shit for fun, not this girl.”

Jensen snickered then started humming Sweat by Inner Circle before eventually softly singing the lyrics. You went to close the window in your bedroom so fuckface wouldn’t try to get in that way, assuming he could get past your dad’s security method he built into the ladder design. You knew the lyrics to Sweat quite well and you didn’t know what to think of Jensen, who was in a “pretty serious” relationship, humming that for you. You had just broken up with Grant.

“Get it together, Y|N,” you told yourself. “He’s not a rebound guy and he’s not hitting on you.”

Once you cleared your head, you met Jensen by the door, which he held open for you, allowing you to pass by him. The two of you went down the stairs and to the back of the building to where Jensen had parked his rental car. It was going to take you forever to get that damn song out of your head…and the meaning…but you made a mental note to use it in your novel.

Outside, you were greeted by a sleek, black Range Rover.

“Holy shit,” you said, gaping at the car. “This was at the airport?!”

“Yeah, I was shocked, too. Hop in,” he hit the unlock button and opened the door for you.

You were quite impressed with the vehicle. Nice interior, quiet ride and very posh. You told Jensen how to get to the place that sold the ice cream and he pointed the car in that direction. You both got the establishment’s version of a Blizzard. Jensen got Reece’s Pieces, and you got your favorite flavor. Ice cream in hand, you had Jensen cruise the main streets, of which, there were three.

Jensen felt the need to walk off the ice cream, so after driving through the park, he stopped at the parking lot outside of the park and near the walking trail.

“I see why you like it here so much,” he said, walking by the river with you. “It’s just…nice.”

“Yeah, it’s really small, but everything I need is within driving distance. Then I can come back here where it’s nice and quiet.”

“Ever think I could tempt you away?”

That’s a loaded question, you thought. “Depends. I’d need a good reason to leave all this,” you waved your hand around. You could hear the irony in your own voice. “Not opposed to it. What’d you have in mind?”

He shrugged. “Just wish you were closer to Texas or LA or Vancouver.”

“Oh, yeah, that would be nice, but I’m good here,” you said. And I don’t want to be tempted by being too close to you.

“Maybe someday,” he said.

“Maybe,” you said. On the surface, your friend asked if you would ever move to Texas, or wherever, to be closer to him. Jensen could ask questions with such subtle nuance that he made you wonder if things were as “good” as he made them seem, with Dee, as he let on. You had other guy friends and none of them talked to you the way Jensen did. The two of you would dance around the line in your relationship, but you were never quite sure where the line was. You supposed the line may be in a different spot for each of you. No matter where the lines laid for either of you, you knew you would not cross it, and if that meant telling Jensen ‘no’, then you would tell him so. He was involved with someone and you were not willing to put either of you in a situation that could get you embarrassed or hurt.

“We should probably head back now. It’s going to be dark soon and the park closes at ten,” you said, stopping.

Jensen reached to take your hand, but you wouldn’t let him take it.

“Jay, people might not know who you are here, but I don’t want to take any chances. There will always be people looking for smoke where there’s no fire.” And I need to protect my heart.

You wondered how it was that you felt like you had a more intimate relationship with Jensen than you had with Grant, and Grant had spent a lot more time with you. You’d only ever kissed Jensen that one time and it was over 9 years ago. ‘Cause he’s my sweet boy, one side of you answered. You’ve got to stop that, he’s with Dee, argued the other side. And the internal argument with yourself continued on like that until you got back to the car, where he went to your side and opened the door for you.

“I’m sorry, I made you uncomfortable,” he stood in your door while you got situated in your seat. 

“I just broke up with fuckface…” you began.

“...rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?”

“Kinda. Shut up. You’re with Dee and you’re serious, right? So if you’re serious, and exclusive with her, then you shouldn’t be trying to flirt with me.”

“Well…what about you? You can’t be doing that to me, either.” “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.” Yet, during the whole walk, you could feel him checking you out and you didn’t hate it. You’d been doing the same thing to him all night. His unmistakable gait was hard not to notice. Nor were his cute little buttocks in his gray shorts, or how his t-shirt was just a tiny bit too small. Gently, he gently closed your door then went to his side and got in.

“Alright, if either of us is with someone, the other is off limits. Agreed?” he asked.

You nodded, “Agreed.”

“Why does it feel like we’re breaking up?” you asked.

“I don’t know.”

“I’m still going to write to you, okay? We can still be friends, right?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out like he’d been holding his breath.

Thankfully, your apartment wasn’t very far away and you were both back inside just a few minutes later.

“Do you think you can still stay ‘til Sunday?” you asked.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he answered. “Want to watch a movie? I’m still on Vancouver time.”

“I actually need to go do some work, but if you need anything I’ll keep my door open,” you stood by the hallway gauging his reaction. “I need to get stuff done before the storm.”

“Smell it on the air?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought I did, too. Okay.” he said and you thought maybe he was trying not to look at you and play it cool. You weren’t about to contradict him. 

He watched her walk down the hall and disappear around the corner to her writing desk. Something dramatic had to happen as soon as he walked in the door earlier that day. That guy she’d called a boyfriend was something else. He didn’t like anything about him. Short. Dark hair and eyes. Beer belly. Didn’t seem too bright. Took advantage of Y|N. 

He hit ‘play’ on a random movie from her collection. Her vinyl selection was top-notch and had been slightly impressed she even had any. She hadn’t mentioned it in her letters at all and they told each other almost everything. Kind of amazing that she had any secrets left.

Then again, she wrote a whole book and he’d had no clue. It had been pretty popular and there had been talk about making it into a movie. How had he never asked her if she ever thought about publishing? He knew she was always writing in her spare time. Had he asked her? She dabbled in fan-fiction, he knew, but no clue about the novel. Then he remembered that she said not to read any with the romance covers. Did that mean she was published in other genres and different pen-names? He wondered if she would, or had, used any of their adventures together in her books. Did she know how bad he wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and make it be their time? He almost had when they were dancing. She looked hot as hell in her green shorts and fitted, black, Rolling Stones shirt. She wasn’t dressed up, or did anything special, she just looked good like she always did. He wished he had kissed her… but Dee… what about Dee? While he was with Y|N he would have a good time. When he went back to Texas, he would see how things went with Dee. She deserved at least that from him.

He ended up not even really watching the movie and was still sitting there after the credits had run. It was the flash of lightning from outside that had snapped him out of the trance he’d been in. He cleaned up after himself, checked that the apartment door was locked and turned off the lights.

Not looking into Y|N’s room, he went into his room to change his clothes and grab his toiletry bag for the bathroom. Once his clothes were changed, teeth were brushed, and skincare routine were completed, he flung the toiletry bag at his open suitcase and flopped onto his bed.

“Holy shit, this is nice,” he whispered. He’d slept in a lot of hotel beds, but this was better by far. It hit his goldilocks zone perfectly. His mind was racing too fast to sleep though.

He got back out of bed and paced around her house. Eventually, he started to feel tired and stopped at her still open door, her light long-since turned out. He could see her lying in bed and fought the urge to go in and lie down with her. …it would be so easy. The only thing that stopped him was the thought of hurting Dee like that. With one last look, he went back to bed and watched the rain fall on the skylight as he drifted off to sleep.

Morning came with a quickness and the sun streamed in through the skylight. He laid there with his arm over his eyes, not quite ready to get up yet. If it weren’t for the smell of bacon and eggs wafting in, he might have laid there all day. Not wanting to miss out on a home-cooked meal, he drug himself out of bed and to the kitchen.

Y|N was standing on her counter with cupboard doors open. She looked cute with her bedhead. It didn’t hurt that he had a good view of her legs at all. Briefly he wondered what it would be like to have her legs wrapped around …

“Oh good, you’re up. I can’t find where I put the coffee maker,” she said.

“No big deal,” he said looking at her still standing on the counter hunched over. He looked away when he realized he was staring, “Isn’t there a bakery close by?”

“Yeah, but I can’t go there looking like this,” she said. “I’m a mess.”

“No, you’re not, you’re fine,” he assured her. She really had no idea how attractive she was. Fuck anyone who didn’t also think so. “I don’t need coffee that bad.”

She hopped down from the counter, “Okay, sorry. I’m sure I’ll find it as soon as you go back to work.”

“Oh no, we’re finding it before then, just not now,” he was eyeing the bacon and eggs. “I didn’t know you can cook.”

“I guess I’m full of surprises this weekend,” she said. “Gotta keep you on your toes.”

“You’d think after this long and about a million letters and phone calls that there wouldn’t be much left to learn.”

“Oh honey, you’ve barely scratched the surface,” she grinned and left the kitchen. He stuck his head around the corner in time to catch sight of her butt in the small shorts she was wearing. He then dished up his breakfast and wondered what else was below the surface that he didn’t know.

When you both finished breakfast and got cleaned up, Jensen finally found the coffee maker and felt a little more human. Then they walked a few blocks over to the butcher shop where Jensen purchased some New York strips that he liked the look of.

“Is it always like this?” he asked.

“Like what? You’re the meat eater, you tell me,” you said using the key to open the building door.

“Not the meat, the weirdly pleasant part,” he answered.

You hadn’t noticed anything unusual in your interactions that morning. “Yeah, I guess so? Aren’t people usually nice to you? I’d think they’d be fawning over you.”

He snorted, “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, everyone knowing who you are. The sneaking pictures. Sometimes people are dicks just to get a rise out of you. It’s exhausting always being ‘on’ in public.”

You stopped at your apartment door to look back at him. Anytime you need to hang out, just let me know. Hell, you have a key, just show up. Or maybe you need a place to go that’s all your own… like build a place on that land you bought forever ago.”

You opened the door and Jensen followed you in flipping over the security latch when the door closed.

“What?” he saw you looking at him. He pointed at the latch, “That? Can’t be too careful.” He put his steaks in the refrigerator. 

“I just appreciate you looking out for me,” you said.

“That’s what friends do,” he said, resting his hands on the island.

“Do friends challenge you to Mario Kart?” you asked.

“Yeah, but we might not be friends afterward,” he was already moving toward the TV.

“Oh really? Why’s that?”

“‘Cause I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“Mhm. Okay. We shall see.”

“Are you mad?” you smirked, walking down the stairs again with him.

He shook his head, “Nope.”

“‘Cause it seems like you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad. I should know better. Were you practicing?”

You laughed, “No, I hardly play it.”

“You have home-console advantage.”

“Wow. Okay. Are you gonna tell me that neither you nor Jared have a Wii in one or both of your trailers?”

He ignored the question. “I want a rematch.”

“So I can beat you again?” you teased.

“That was a fluke.” “Jensen, you’re a sore loser,” you laughed. “C’mon,” you were walking with him to the Liquor Store and were just outside the door, “Let’s see if Gram is working.”

Inside the store there was a small checkout counter to the right with a swinging half door to the back part of the store. The entirety of the store included two very long rows of shelves that were fully stocked with all of the liquors you could ever want and lots of beer cases.

You had no idea what the building had been originally, but you thought maybe you’d heard it had been a law office and that, honestly, felt right. The floors were carpeted. The walls were lined with wood paneling. It had a drop ceiling that trapped the smell of every cigarette smoked inside its walls. Back behind the counter was the “office” which was just a desk with a video feed from the bar next door.

You started looking for your beverage of choice, while Jensen found his. When you were both happy with your choices, you took them to the register, but whoever was working, you assumed it was your grandmother, hadn’t appeared yet. You hit the bell on the counter and called out, “Loretta!”

“I’m coming!’ you heard her call from somewhere in the bowels of the building. When your grandma saw you at the counter, she said, “Oh, Y|N it’s you. Who is this with you?”

Her eyes were almost sparkling as she looked at Jensen. You gave him a quick knowing glance.

“Grandma, this is my very good friend, Jay Wayne. Jay, this is my gram, Loretta,” you introduced them.

“Very nice to meet you, Jay,” she practically cooed. “Did you two find what you wanted?”

“Yeah, these two things please,” you said. “Are you cooking today, too?”

“Yes, I am. Are you two kids going to have lunch here?” You nodded. “Come through here then. Don’t go back out in the heat. I’ll just add the drinks to your food bill. Do you know what you want so I can get fixing it?”

Your grandma pushed open the half-door that kept the customers out of the back open and led you and Jensen through the building to the door that opened into the bar that was attached to the Liquor Store. 

“I think Jay needs to look at a menu, but…” you began.

“What do you recommend, Loretta?” he charmed her.

“Well, I make the chicken, coleslaw and potato salad here, so any of those I can guarantee they’ll be good,” your grandma answered.

“I’ll take some of all, if you don’t mind,” he grinned at her.

“Me, too, just no coleslaw,” you said, unsure if you existed at the moment.

Once she had the order, your grandma got to getting things ready and left you and Jensen to find a seat inside the bar. It was like any other bar you’d ever been in. It had a very long bar, a small stage, plenty of tables and booths. There was neon everywhere and racing memorabilia on all of the walls. Even the floor was in large black and white checkered tiles. You and Jensen found a booth and sat on opposite sides of the table.

“That was disturbing,” you said, pulling out a menu, though you’d looked at it hundreds of times.

“What?” Jensen was also looking at the same simple menu.

“Never once has she let me go through the store.” Jensen barely looked up before going back to the menu.

“So?” he said.

“I am her grandchild and she has never given me special treatment, but as soon as I have a hottie with me, she’s all sweet.”

“Are you jealous of your grandmother?”

“God no. What? No. Just letting you know about my family.”

“She know about your career?” You shook your head. “Why not?”

“‘Cause I don’t want any of them knowing. I don’t want anything to change because they know my secret. If they treat me like this without knowing… It just keeps me humble and I can still see their true colors, ya know?”

“I get that.”

“The thing is, you could be a total, abusive asshole to me, but if she thinks you’re cute, I must have done something to deserve it.”

Jensen put down the menu. “Who did it? Was it fuckface? Say the word and I can finish what he started.”

“It wasn’t Grant,” you said.

“Jim? Braeden? Steve? Doug? Who am I missing here? Andy?” You touched your nose. “Andy?! …that son of a bitch!”

“Jay!” you put your hand over his. “Do you see him here? Have I mentioned him in all of these years?” He was still livid. “It’s taken care of.”

“Like taken care of taken care of?” his voice was still raised.

You gave him a ‘stop it’ look but said, “I don’t know details. I just know my dad and brother were pissed that he’d been harassing me… and stalking me… and the other stuff. I just know Dad and Jarrod went looking for him and Andy never bothered me again.”

Jensen just stared at you for a moment. He knew both your dad and brother which definitely made him wonder what happened to Andy, especially considering the rumors about her uncles.

“Are you fucking with me?” he asked.

You smiled, “Only a little. He’s still alive, but he hasn’t come within 100 yards of me since then. I can only speculate what they did to scare the shit out of him.”

“I’ve only met your brother a couple times, but your dad still scares the shit outta me, so I’m sure Jarrod is equally terrifying,” he mused.

“That’s fair,” you said. “I know of other situations where Jarrod handled things very simply, if not painfully.”

“Alright,” Jensen seemed satisfied that the situation was handled with Andy.

“Are you still that scared of my dad?” you asked.

“What? No! …a little,” he admitted. “I just feel like he can read my mind.”

“Why would that be scary, Jensen? Tell me.” you rested your chin on your folded hands.

“Hi guys, sorry it took so long. ‘Retta just put your orders up a few minutes ago.” the server saved Jensen. “Hey Y|N, how are ya?”

“Hi Chels, we’re not in a big hurry. No worries. This is Jay.”

“Nice to meet you,” she placed napkins and cups of ice water on your table. To Jensen, “You look familiar, have we met?”

“No, I don’t think so,” he answered, taking a drink of the water.

“Don’t be modest, Jay.” Jensen shot you a viscious look. “He does stand-in and stunt work for TV and movies.”

“That must be it,” she said, frazzled. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

She was gone before you could say anything else to her.

“She’s cute,” he said.

You nodded, “Went to school with her. She’s cool as shit.”

“What’s the plan for the rest of the day?” he asked.

“Not much. We can go to the park for the vendors and car show.” you said the next part quietly, “Have dinner with my parents.” Then you went back to normal volume, “Maybe go to the races, or get that rematch of Mario Kart out of the way.”

When you were both finished with your food, Chelsea brought the bill and your bottles from the Liquor Store. Making eye contact with Chelsea, you tipped your head toward Jensen and without missing a beat, she laid the bill on Jensen’s side of the table and gave you a discreet wink as she departed.

Jensen happily paid for both of you and mentioned that your grandma made good potato salad and that he’d also enjoyed the juicy fried chicken. He left Chelsea a good tip, grabbed your liquor purchases and walked you back home.

You never got bored with Jensen. Maybe it was because you packed too much into your visits, but even when you weren’t on a tight timeline, you still just always enjoyed his company. If you ever did get bored, and you didn’t think you did, it was just better, easier, less drab. It was nice having him around. It might have been because you’d known him so long, but you knew it was only part of it because you genuinely loved him.

“Mario Kart has to wait,” you said, reveling in the A/C.

Jensen snorted, “You just don’t want to get beat. I’ll find my groove.”

“I wasn’t scared before and I’m not scared now, Ackles,” you said, confidently. “I will destroy you some other time. We can’t play tonight because my parents are coming over for dinner tonight.”

It still tickled you, to no end, to see the flash of terror in Jensen’s eyes, though fleeting, at the mention of your father.

“What a treat,” he blurted out.

“Man, you are good,” you marveled. “I almost didn’t see you flinch that time.” Jensen pretended like he didn’t know what you meant. “He’s not that scary.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re his baby girl.”

“I guarantee, if you get his steak just right, you’re in.”

Before the big event, you and Jensen went to the park to do some vendor shopping and went to the car show that was being put on. You’d gotten to see some really cool antiques, muscle cars (no Impala), and some modern muscle. It was quite a popular event and not a single person recognized Jensen, that you were aware of. You’d spent much of the afternoon walking around the fair festivities and were back at your apartment just in time to start getting food ready for dinner, because your parents would be over in an hour to eat.

An hour later, at six on the dot, your parents arrived and you breathed a sigh of relief when your dad offered his hand to Jensen in greeting. Everything was cordial as usual. Jensen was just about to go to the roof to start grilling, but he’d waited for your parents to arrive before going up. Surprisingly, your dad followed Jensen out. 

Your mom sat on one of the island bar stools while you worked on the rest of the meal. She looked around your apartment.

She leaned forward and quietly asked, “Is Grant here?”

“No ma’am,” you answered, checking on the pasta.

She took a sip of her tea. “Oh, how come?”

You turned to look at her knowing full-well she already knew. “I told him to get the hell out and never darken my door again.”

“Oh, thank God. You know I never liked him.”

“I didn’t, actually, but it doesn’t matter.”

“When did this happen?” she was almost gleeful.

“Thursday. He was being a dick to Jay. They got into it right here,” you told her.

“So that’s why Jensen has that on his cheek?”

You nodded.

“And how was Grant?”

“No idea,” you shrugged. “Jay landed more than a few.”

“Good,” your mom said and you started the alfredo sauce. “When are you and Jensen going to get together?”

“Mother!”

“What? He adores you, and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way.”

It hurt being called out like that and it made your stomach tie up in knots. “I just broke up with Grant. Like him or not, we were together for four years. I’m gonna need a minute to put that away. Not to mention Jay has a girlfriend and they’re ‘pretty serious’, I guess, plus she’s in the business too and got close on a movie and I have my work and it’s just not something either of us wants right now. Can we talk about something else please?”

“Speaking of work… are you working on another book? Are you going to be traveling to Pennsylvania again? How was the the last shut down? I’m still not sure I like you doing that stuff, but at least you get to travel.”

“It’s not glamorous. I don’t get out much. Mostly I’m just working. The only thing that really changes is the location,” you stirred the alfredo. “I have ideas for a couple books. I’m actually almost done with the first draft for one still in research and plotting phase for the other.”

“Have a muse in mind?” your mother was being awfully cheeky.

You put the spoon down and looked her dead in the eye, “George Clooney.”

Jensen was trying to be cool. Sir had followed him up to the roof and was sitting in the chairs he’d built for (Y/N). He sat there with his legs crossed, smoking in the shade while Jensen fired up the grill. As if the summer sun weren’t already hot enough, he felt himself beginning to sweat under the scrutiny Sir was laying on him. There was no avoiding it, he went to sit while the grill came to temperature.

Sir didn’t say anything but he extended a very weathered, but still massive, hand over, holding out his cigarettes to him.

“No, thank you, sir. Gave it up a few years back.”

“Jensen, you can call me…” tucking the pack into his breast pocket.

“No, sir, I can’t. I have the utmost respect for you and your family. Not to mention my mother would have my hide.”

“How are your folks?”

They chatted in small talk for a while letting the grill get nice and hot. When an adequate amount of time passed, Jensen got up to check the thermometer.

“Do you know how to grill a good steak?” (Y/N)’s dad asked, looking over Jensen’s shoulder.

“I like to think I do. How do you take yours, medium rare?”

(Y/N) had tipped him. Her dad nodded. “My specialty.” He used another tip she’d given him, “How are your Vikings lining up for next season?”

“Oh, well…” he began and the two b.s.’d until the steaks and chicken were both ready. Chicken went on first for the ladies. 

“I still can’t get (Y/N) to try my steak. Says she doesn’t ‘do red meat’ but eats hamburgers and chicken for days though,” he shook his head.

“Her mother is the same way,” her dad chuckled.

Your parents stayed longer that night than they had in years. Dinner had gone well. Lots of talking going on and you felt a good time was had by all.

“You must have done a good job with the steak,” you said to Jensen, handing him one of the pots to rinse and dry.

“Gotta say, I feel like king shit right now.”

“I’m glad he didn’t throw you off the roof.”

“No shit. I legit had the same thought while I was up there with him.” He paused for a moment to dry another dish. “How bad did they hate fuckface?”

“Honestly, I didn’t know they did until tonight. My mom actually was giddy with relief.”

“I think you dodged a bullet.”

“Mmm. Probably.”

“You gonna work tonight?” he asked.

You nodded, “Yeah, I’ve gotta try to get as much out of my head as I can. It helps to keep me from spiraling.”

He turned his head to look at you. “Are you spiraling?”

“No, but I might.”

“Okay if I hang out in your room? Can you still work?”

You nodded. “It’s amazing what I can ignore. Your company is always welcome.”

Jensen was down for that. He cleaned up the kitchen with you. Then when that was done, you got all of your things together for your writing desk. Jensen looked at your writing supplies. 

“You need a gallon of water…” he said.

“It’s thirty-two ounces.”

“900 pens.”

“I have a current favorite.”

“And just as many notebooks.”

“Yes. I may not use all of them but I need them close. It’s a process. Some have notes, references, character descriptions…”

“When do you use the computer?”

“When I’m ready to do my first edit. It helps for continuity, adding bits, deleting others. Fixing grammar, stuff like that.”

“Seems like a lot of work.”

“It is, but it’s what works for me. Writing on paper is cathartic and I get a good flow going this way.”

“So what are you doing tonight?”

“I am going to be writing down new ideas, words for one, transcribing and editing for the other.”

“You have more than one book going?”

“Yep.”

“And you can keep track of them all?”

“That’s what all of the notebooks are for, color coding and corkboard.”

“Right… I’m gonna snoop around, cool? Okay, great.”

He didn’t wait for an answer, he just immediately went to your closet and opened the door and started looking around.

“I’m gonna get rid of all of fuckface’s shit.”

“Go for it,” you sat down at your desk to get started. “If you make a mess, you will clean it up.”

He raised a hand to acknowledge he heard you and got right to going through everything. Grant’s clothes were landing in a heap outside the closet door.

“Not much in here,” he was still rifling through the clothes bar and your dresser.

“Hey, stay out of the top drawer.”

“Too late. Not even any lacy bits.”

“Okay. Keep comments like that to yourself, thank you.”

“If you got it, flaunt it.”

“I don’t have it.”

“Yes, you do,” he reached for a box up on the shelf.

You sat in stunned silence for a moment then completely dropped it as him just being nice. He dug through the box and, not finding anything, put it back on the shelf.

“I’m gonna get a garbage bag for this shit,” he said and went to the kitchen like he hadn’t just said what he said.

You thought maybe you should help go through things but you didn’t even want to look at any reminders. When he came back, with garbage bag in tow, he grabbed the clothes, and shoved them, unceremoniously inside.

Jensen saw you watching. “He’s lucky I don’t pour bleach in here.”

“I didn’t say anything,” you raised your hands in surrender. “And I see nothing.”

He tapped his temple then pointed at you. “Understood.”

Over the next hour, while you worked, Jensen went through every place Grant would have put anything and collected the found items. Along the way, things “accidentally” crashed to the floor, but the pieces all made it into the bag for Grant’s later collection. Occasionally, you would hear “oops” after something fell.

“Hey,” he stuck his head around the corner. “I need you.”

You followed him out to the living room. “Which of these games are yours?”

You looked at the Xbox games and sorted through them. There were a few movies you added to the bag, also. It felt good to purge them. Eventually you got back to work and Jensen went back to snooping and found your photo album. He took it to your bed, got comfy and began looking through the pages.

Some of the pictures were ones he’d never seen before. They were a chronicle of her life from when she was a baby, all the way up to the last time he saw her, last year, at the upfronts in New York. Cute baby too, he thought. He liked looking through the photos. It made him feel closer to her somehow. He flipped slowly through the pages and saw people he didn’t recognize in the older pictures. He wanted to ask her about them but she was typing away on her computer, and didn’t want to ruin her flow.

When he got to the middle of the thick album, that was when he got to the years when they first got to know one another. There were pictures from that first meeting in Texas, the one where she walked right into him and stole his heart. As much as he enjoyed that first meeting, it was the ones where they stayed at a cabin for summer vacations. He’d always told himself that they were just friends. There was a closeness between them that he couldn’t describe.

When your eyes started to give up on you, and the beginnings of a headache, you decided to call it a night. For half a second, you’d forgotten about Jensen. He’d been so quiet and now you understood why. Jensen was lying on your bed with your old photo album next to him. Crawling onto your bed, you grabbed the album and slid it to the edge of the bed with you. It was still open to the page that had pictures of the two of you at the cabin.

“My sweet boy,” you thought.

You closed the album and set it aside. Turning back to Jensen you briefly debated whether or not to wake him, or to go sleep in the spare room. Looking at the clock, you decided that it wasn’t worth trying to sleep in his room. After all, it was a king bed and you were both adults. If either of you couldn’t behave, there were bigger issues to deal with.

You turned off the lights and changed out of your clothes and into your night shirt in the dark. Jensen laid on his back and appeared to be sleeping soundly above the covers. Despite it being hot as hell outside, even at night, it was almost chilly in your apartment with the A/C running. You thought to look for a blanket for him and used the moonlight to navigate your room and grabbed a blanket you had made, hoping it would be long enough.

You carried the blanket to where he laid and unfolded it before laying it over him. After covering his feet, you moved your way up his body making sure he was covered. He surprised you when he stirred and said, “You’re beautiful” and rolled onto his side. Stunned, it took you a moment to realize he must have been dreaming of Dee and went to your side of the bed to go to sleep.

He laid there knowing he shouldn’t look, but it wasn’t every day that a woman got undressed in front of him; let alone one he cared about so deeply. His eyes were only open a slit and there were no lights on, but the bright moonlight did him a favor and let him see just enough to be dangerous. He did everything he could to remain calm until the nightshirt slipped over her nearly naked body. She went to the closet and he breathed a sigh of relief until she bent over and could see the perfect shape of her backside. (Y/N) came back with a blanket and tucked him in. When she got close to his chest, he pretended to still be sleeping and rolled onto his side telling her she’s beautiful.

He was so torn about what to do. He cared for Dee, he really did. They got along great, he liked her a lot. She was a really great friend and they had a lot of fun together. He knew he would be happy with her… he even bought a ring. Nova, though… she was his absolute solace. He was never less than his best self when he was with her.

She needed time to get back to her normal self after being with Grant. She wasn’t happy. He could tell in her letters that Grant was not right for her. He was dragging her down, dampening her spirit. She deserved someone who would lift her up; someone who could be devoted to her. As much as he may have wanted that to be himself, he also knew that he couldn’t just drop everything, not even for (Y/N).

When morning came, Jensen was still lying in bed with you, sleeping peacefully. His long lashes lying softly on his cheeks. Normally, you stayed on your side of the bed, even when Grant was with you. When you woke up, you were lying more towards the middle and Jensen was mere inches away. It would be nothing to reach out and touch him. Instead you rolled away to the side of the bed and opted for a cold shower.

Turning on the water, you went through the motions to get your body clean and think about what your next steps should be. Only, you realized, you’d been going through the motions for the last few years. The only thing you’d care about was writing your stories and the escape they gave you, which brought you to wonder why you needed the escape. Then you thought about all of the smutty romance you wrote about and wondered if you were just protecting your wants and desires into your books. Jensen gave you crap about the inspiration for those books, and you thought you were telling the truth about it being Gerard Butler, but you weren’t even sure of that either. When it came down to it, all you were actually sure of was that you liked writing. Not just the scenes themselves, but the whole process. Grant never really understood your need to create. He hadn’t even asked you about it. All he ever talked about was himself. As long as he was happy, that was all he cared about…

“Hey, you curing cancer in there?”

Jensen called through the door, grabbing your attention. Had you even washed your hair?

“Just searching for world peace.”

“Well hurry up and find it, I got breakfast waiting.”

Thankfully, with it being Saturday, it meant your day would be very busy and you wouldn’t be so overwhelmed with difficult emotions. The first activity of the day was the parade. Jensen was okay with going down to street level and be amongst the people. Your apartment overlooked Main Street and was a great vantage point. Instead, the two of you went down and met up with friends of yours.

“Who’s your friend?” Kim asked.

You looked at Jensen in his ball cap and sunglasses. He stood to your right and slightly behind you. He looked back at you and shrugged, game to see what would happen.

“This is famous TV actor, Jensen Ackles,” you told her, then turned to Jensen. “Jay, this is Kim. We went to high school together.”

“Hey, how’s it going? Jay Wayne.”

“Hi, nice to meet you, Jay.” Kim gave you a look that said to quit playing around. “What do you do for work and how did you meet (Y/N)?”

“I’m actually a stunt-double on TV and stand in. Met (Y/N) at summer camp years ago.”

“Oh, how cool.”

She was about to start asking more questions, but you cut her off. “Oh, I think my parents finally arrived. Talk to you later, Kim. C’mon, Jay.” You grabbed his arm and pulled him away and walked towards the corner and across the street to the pharmacy.

“You weren’t kidding. Right from the start, she didn’t buy it.”

“Dude, I know. And it’s not like I’m a chronic liar.”

“I know, you’re actually really bad at it.”

“Thank you?” you said with a chuckle.

“It’s a good thing. I always know where I stand with you. And, it makes it really easy to tell when you do lie.”

You and Jensen walked all over downtown and the park to check out all of the special vendors and deals that only came around once a year. After grabbing lunch from the VFW, you were ready for a break and went back to your apartment and laid down for a couple hours. You didn’t know what Jensen was doing but he wasn’t in the room with you, which you felt was for the best.

The alarm you’d set woke you up and you got up to brush out your hair in your bathroom. Jensen had found the acoustic you’d bought for Fuckface Grant and was strumming a familiar song. Reaching for the door knob of your bedroom, you paused recognizing the song as he began to sing.

“Saying ‘I love you’ is not the words I want to hear from you. It’s not that I want you, not to say but if you only knew… how easy, it would be to show me how you feel. More than words is all you have to do to make it real, then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me ‘cause I’d already know.”

Of all the songs he could have played… The lyrics hit you hard and your hand dropped away from the handle as you listened to each word he sang. Did he even know what he was doing to you? How could he? He was playing and singing softly. You put your back against the door, not wanting to let him see you fall to pieces as you slid to the floor. You clasped your hands over your  mouth and tried not to cry out as the tears fell out of your eyes. 

He moved on to other songs that also tore at your heart but they hadn’t stung nearly as bad. Whatever it was that had pulled the plug on your emotional dam, whether it was the lyrics, or Jensen’s voice, you weren’t quite sure, but it had released the flood and it took you a while to let it all out and compose yourself. Dragging yourself off the floor, you went back to your bathroom to splash cold water on your face in hopes of maybe calming down enough to go out in the living room where he was still softly playing songs. Of course, there was no hope of him not noticing.

“What happened?” he asked, putting the guitar down and getting up as soon as he saw you were not okay.

“I’m okay. I just needed a good cry, I guess.”

“C’mon, bring it in,” he said stepping toward you with arms out stretched. 

You took a step back and held a hand up for him to stop. “No, I really don’t want to be touched right now.”

He looked at you in a way that made your heart hurt more.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Just… I don’t know, just be gentle on me, okay? I’m feeling a little raw and just… raw.”

“Fair enough.”

“Just give me a few minutes then we can go down to the fair.”

“He doesn’t deserve you shedding a single tear over him, Nova.” He thought you were crying over Grant.

“I know, it’s just hard to let go.”

An hour later, you were sitting in the grandstands at their fairgrounds watching figure 8 races which led into the demolition derby. A few of your older cousins showed up and sat with you and Jensen. You introduced him as Jay, and as usual with your family, they grilled him and wanted to know everything about him. There was something in your dad’s family’s DNA that was determined to embarrass you at every turn. To his credit, Jensen took it like a champ and answered their questions without divulging too much of the truth.

After the races were done, you and Jensen left the grandstands and got some gumbo from one of the local vendors. You found a picnic table to sit at while you ate.

“Is your family always like that?” he asked.

You nodded, “Pretty much.”

“It makes a lot of sense now.”

“How so?”

“You don’t pull punches and almost always say what you’re thinking.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“No. No ‘supposing’. You know I’m right,” he turned his hat backward to eat. 

“And look what it got me,” you felt miserable. “You have a bruised cheek because I chose to be with someone who never chose to be with me.” You pointed two tables over to your right.

Jensen’s head turned to look for what had caught your attention. You couldn’t bring yourself to look that direction again and took a bite of the cornbread that you had been soaking in the gumbo. When Jensen started to rise, you put your hand on his to stop him. Slowly, he sat back down again. You could almost see the red rising in his skin.

“I love that you want to go over there, but don’t,” you said.

When Jensen turned back to you, the rage he felt showed in his eyes and you could see the white all the way around his now, very dark, green eyes.

“Jay…” you waited for the rage to settle, not letting go of his balled up fist. Eventually the tension released and you let go.

“He’s not worth getting mad over,” you said, calmly, surprising even yourself.

Jensen took a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking again. “He’s disgusting,” he said of fuck face, “she can’t be more than 20.”

“Jay, he’s not my problem. Don’t even engage, he’ll just drag you down,” you stirred your gumbo, disappointed in the soupiness of it. Instead, you decided it was a good thing since you felt a little sick at the sight of fuckface with someone new already. Not to mention, they were behaving like teenagers with their overt PDA.

You rested your head on your right hand to block them out of your peripheral vision and dabbed the cornbread into the gumbo hoping the cornbread might help calm your stomach.

“You okay?”

You nodded. “Yeah, just not very hungry all of a sudden.”

“Wanna do something else?”

“Skeeball?”

He smirked, “Cuz you beat me at that game.”

You grinned, “You forgot to say ‘all the time’. I beat you at skeeball all the time.”

“I’m still not convinced you don’t cheat,” he grumbled.

“Is there something that would convince you, or is it only the ass-whooping I deal out the only thing?”

“Not even so much as a pity win for me,” he took a few bites.

You sipped your soda. “That would not be good sportsmanship.”

“Alright, I’m done,” he collected both of your dishes and disposed of them. “Let’s go find a game where I can whoop your ass.”

“Mhm. Okay. Let’s see,” you said. “Glutton for punishment.”

Jensen spent a lot of money on tickets for what turned out to be very little return… for him. Eventually, he found a shooting game he wanted to try and you backed out of to let him have his moment to shine. Not surprisingly, when you weren’t up against him he did really well and cleared all of the targets.

“So are you just always letting me win?” you asked as he gleefully handed over more money to keep playing.

“Hell no. I just do better with an audience,” he said, picking up the small air rifle. I just want to impress you, he thought.

When Jensen had shot enough targets, it was time to pick out a prize.

“Lady’s choice,” he deferred to you.

“I’ll take the tiger stuffie,” you said.

The carnival worker handed you the toy. “Got a few more credits left. Want anything from here?”

You looked where he indicated and selected a ring-pop in your favorite flavor. “I love these things. Thank you!”

The carnie wished you a good night and immediately began calling for more players.

“How’s your stomach?” he asked, looking at the Scrambler.

“Good enough,” you told him, but your anxiety kicked in when you got in the small line.

It was getting late and had gotten dark. Most of the people with little kids had left, but the fair was still bustling with people.

“What’s the matter?” he asked. “You have a look on your face.”

“I don’t want to crush you.”

It was his turn to give you a look. He had no idea what you meant.

“How would you do that?”

The emotional turmoil was threatening to bubble up again but it came in the form of tears and you could barely whisper, “Because I’m so big.”

He grasped your shoulders and leaned down to look you in the eyes. “I don’t know what, or who, made you feel that way, but you are not, you hear me? You are absolutely perfect just the way you are, no matter what. I swear, if that douche canoe made you feel like you aren’t the most beautiful person he’s ever been lucky enough to be with, say the word and I’ll go kill him now.”

He hadn’t, but you weren’t about to tell Jensen that. There were times, like this time, that Jensen was a lot like his character, Dean, and you knew, without a doubt, that he would follow through with his threat if you gave the okay. Truthfully, your body image issues had been with you even before you met Jensen.

“No, it’s not his fault. This is all me,” you whispered.

“Do you want to go?”

“No,” you shook your head. “Let’s ride, I don’t want to ruin the last night you’re here.”

“Not possible,” he said, matter of fact. “Any day with you is a good day, and don’t you forget it.” And if I die because of your body on top of mine, then I would die a happy man. An image of her nearly naked silhouette flashed into his mind and his imagination placed her in several very pleasing positions. He could see everything perfectly as…

“Jay, you coming?”

He looked up suddenly and snapped back to reality. He followed her to their car. They ended up riding the Scrambler and Tilt-a-Whirl several times and Jensen had loved every second of it. You were getting tired again. You’d stopped the rides for a while to watch the live band.

“We have to ride the Ferris Wheel before we go,” you insisted.

“Yeah, we do. Been eyeing it all night.” Which was true, but only because he wasn’t sure if it was too high or not. He was okay with being up high, but if he looked down, that was another story.

For you, the Ferris Wheel was the best part of the rides at the fair. It was a little scary, but that was what made it great, too. When it was your turn, you eagerly took your spot on the seat. Jensen wedged himself into the corner of the seat.

“Do I smell bad?” you teased. He didn’t look scared, but he wasn’t excited like you were either. The lap bar locked into place and you slid over next to Jensen and snaked your arm through his. “Just wait til you see the view.”

Eventually, the wheel paused with the car at the top and she elbowed his side to get his attention.

“Look,” she whispered. 

He was looking, but not at the view.

“The lights on the water and look at the houses,” she said, looking at her hometown with wonder.

“Yeah,” he noticed the curve of her ear and the way she tucked her hair behind it, her hair sweeping against her neck. He thought he could just use his finger to brush it aside and kiss her neck… “The view is pretty amazing,” he eventually said, turning his admiring gaze away from her.

The Ferris Wheel started and they took several rotations before it began to slow down to let off riders. The fair had an unofficial shut down time and you and Jensen were lucky enough to be on the last ride. You made sure you had your tiger stuffie and you walked with Jensen back to his car and went home.

“Nova?” he said stepping inside your apartment with you.

“Hmmm?”

“Promise me something?”

“What?”

“Don’t live your whole life here. I know you travel, and that’s great but you deserve more than what this town offers.”

“I thought you like it here?”

“I do, I just… want more for you.”

“Maybe this is all I need. Maybe what I need is to be exactly where I am. This is who I am. I don’t need a spotlight shone on me.”

“Well, I thought you wanted more.”

“If I am meant to have something, it will come to me. I just told my boyfriend of four years to fuck off and he already has a new piece. Maybe you’re right. Maybe what I need is to get as far a-fucking-way from here as possible.”

“Now you’re talking. Austin? Vancouver? L.A.?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Where then?”

“Australia.”

“Whoa, hold on now. You’re going to the extreme, aren’t you? Two seconds ago, you were fine with living here forever and now you’re leaving the hemisphere?”

“I’ve always wanted to go and I have the means. My life here is a fucking joke. I have no love-life, no life, and no prospects. Something has to change and this is the perfect solution! And, it will be great material for a book. How can I write effectively if I don’t have experiences?!” A brief, devastating, revelation had hit you like a freight train and you needed to act on it before it slipped away. You realized you’d only been living for the time you spent with Jensen and not for yourself and it needed to change immediately or you would be stuck, forever, in the same rut.

That hadn’t gone at all how he thought it would. All he wanted was for (Y/N) to get out of her town and experience life somewhere else, like Vancouver…

“My friend, Christie, lives in Sydney. I should call her…” you were eager to get going.

“Can we talk about this a little more? It seems a little drastic.”

“No.” You shut him down. “I don’t want you trying to talk me out of it. I do need a change, Jensen, and not one that revolves around you. I have two lives. The one where I’m with you and the one where I’m not. The one where I’m not, fucking sucks, so I’m going to fix it. It’s still not our time, Jay, so I’m not going to sit around and wait for it.”

Jensen looked angry, but you were ready to go toe to toe with him if you had to.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” he said.

“I don’t want to fight with you!”

“Good.”

“Good!”

“Alright! Now what?”

“I don’t fucking know!”

“We good?”

“Yeah? I kinda wanna punch you,” you said, “but, yeah.”

“Good, I don’t want to go back to work and have any bad blood between us.”

You thought you were good. You didn’t think either of you had done or said anything you couldn’t come back from.

“No. I think we’re good. Just don’t try to run my life, I already have a mother,” you gave him a pointed look.

“I’m sorry. I overstepped…. Do you want to stay up with me or are you going to bed?”

Your eyes went to the digital clock on the stove, 2:47. “What time do you need to go?”

“Airport opens at 5. I have, literally, the first flight out at 5:45. Figured I’d try to be there when it opens. Load up at 4? I still have to return the car.

“I’ll stay up,” you yawned. 

He smirked. “Sure you will.”

“I will!”

“I believe that you want to,” he grinned, “execution tends to be lacking.”

“Not all of us can sleep at the drop of a hat.”

“It’s a gift,” he quipped. “You’d think you would be good at it, too.” He said moving towards the suede sectional in the living room. “Especially doing shift work.”

“Another great reason to get the hell out of dodge. I hate doing shift work. I should be a supervisor by now. I’m gonna have a lot of loose ends to tie up… Maybe I can get supervisor work overseas.”

“Definitely worth looking into.”

You sat on the couch facing each other, within arms reach. You rested your head on your hand that was on the back of the couch while you talked with Jensen.

(Y/N) was fading fast. Each blink of her eyes was a little slower than the last. He started humming a song and her head settled down onto her arm, fully asleep. He checked the clock and had just enough time to take a quick shower and get his things together before he needed to head out to the airport.

When he was showered and packed, he went back to the living room. (Y/N) was still sleeping, so he carefully picked her up and carried her to her bed.

“Oh no, I fell asleep,” she mumbled.

He chuckled, “It’s alright. I know you tried.” He laid her down and made sure everything was in place so she would find it. He covered her with a blanket because even in the middle of summer, her apartment was as cold as a meat locker. He leaned down, pushed back the hair on her forehead to kiss it. 

“Until next time, best pen pal ever,” he said softly.

“I love you, sweet boy,” she mumbled, still more asleep than awake.

When you woke a few hours later, a pang of deep sadness hit you because Jensen was gone again. However, the excitement of a new adventure helped you not dive head first into the depression pool. You rolled over in your bed and were going to pull the pillow he’d used, only there was a crystal star sitting on top of it, including a note he’d written.

Setting aside the Swarovski star, you opened the folded piece of paper addressed to you.

“(Y/N), I want nothing but the best for you and I hope you find it. If you get lost along the way, I will always be here to help you find your way.” – Jensen. P.S. You better write me from your new address as soon as you get settled.”

[mlobsters]

supernatural s13x22 exodus (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad buckner)

well, mom gets a hug. that's something i guess. no time for extended you're-actually-alive-reunions with lucifer smarming around in the background.

this trying to be i dunno, spookyish discordant atmospheric music is not hitting for me. it just feels wildly out of sync with the tone of the scene. i wonder who made iiiit. oh look, it's jay gruska. i seriously don't look it up until i have a ~vibe~ and i'm vaguely impressed with my consistent reactions to the two composers. i'm pretty much never rockin with jay. sorry, my dude.

LUCIFER Don’t say he’s nothing like me. I’m the only one who understands him. This power he has? I’m powerful, dangerous, ruthless. In the...best sense, though. DEAN No. Kill him. LUCIFER (chuckles) He can’t. He’s not strong enough. GABRIEL Dean… DEAN (turns on Gabriel) You’ve got the blade. JACK (quietly) Stop it. DEAN He’s the devil. Kill him. JACK (shouting) Stop it!

in the land of not-a-show, this seems very reasonable. we have the means and opportunity to FINALLY fucking kill this guy, who has done unspeakably awful things to more than one person present. who they've been trying to take out for a long ass time. but, being that it's this show, yeah. of course it's not that simple. i think they had a general plan to kill him after they used him for the nexus excursion, yes? but them believing he'd still be captured and subdued until then was a bit of a stretch :p also, jack wasn't around for that convo and i suppose he might have some thoughts and feelings around cutting down bio dad right away

CAS In case your innate evil overwhelms this new found team spirit, you won’t mind wearing these then, will you. You’re not at full power. They should hold you.

LOL good one. is he not at full power because he was drained, juiced up, then used some of that juice to resurrect sam? (was also thinking about how like, cas stole someone's grace at one point. a bad someone, right? is it that different? why didn't gabriel just go that route? not actually socially acceptable? whatever. we needed to include lucifer)

jfc nic shut up

thank you, everyone, for that long ass hug. i'm not crying, no, i'm fine

i know the wiki has hugs and lengths (which amuses me to no end), i wouldn't be surprised if that was one of the longer ones. ahbl 29 seconds i think is an outlier being that sam is dead through most of it 😞 what a statement. excluding ahbl pt 1, top 3! lol

other thing he did, which he does regularly? when he's affectionate, that turn to the side like he's checking who's around or avoiding eye contact while he got a little mushy.

he does it before hugging a lot too, like the avoiding eye contact and pulling someone in. definitely with charlie, not sure actually who all he does it with, if everyone at one point or another? anyway. he doesn't instigate a ton of hugs. i'm not under the influence, i swear, i'm just extra... *waves hands*

jack having a little montage o'guilt with xfiles sounds rapid fire (they use it periodically now but i don't recall so many of them in one scene like this. i had to search for "shoe" on the wiki because my blog search is perpetually fucked and all i could remember of the scene was sam finding a shoe lol)

so like, the solution is all the au people come back with her through the nexus, right? so this is a moot conversation? but. dean's reaction to her "i know what you went through to come find me" was so right. like, understatement of the century and in fact i DON'T think you know what they did. and (show logic aside) sam died and only isn't still dead due to a fluke/luck.

interesting to see the production draft script has her saying sorry and that she's grateful, which didn't make it to screen

granted, i think they were doing the getting back to the nexus project for jack too, and i imagine they would have made the same efforts and paid the same prices. but anyway. feels like dean is always waiting for the other shoe to drop with mary, reinforced with her needing space business before, so understandably he's immediately reacting defensively and maybe a little childishly (do they need-need mary? probably not. but it's also reasonable and understandable to want your almost entirely absent mother [which she had no control over] once you got her back)

another thing i like about pellegrino's lucifer, the hair! it just is almost always unkempt in not a cool way, more the disaster been sleeping on it weird way. which my hair also is often in some degree of.

DEAN We have been mopping up the world for years. Years. We have been knocked down. We have been possessed. We’ve lost friends. We’ve lost family. We’ve lost each other. And we never walk away, ever. And sometimes, we should’ve, because not every fight everywhere can be won. It just can’t. Right? (turning to Sam) Tell her.

never (permanently) walk away. ignoring the nonsensical amelia aberration? 🤪 i don't really understand dean's logic. we never walk away, but sometimes we should have, so mary should walk away? doesn't seem like the best sell

SAM I think Mom made up her mind. DEAN See? Wait. What? SAM Mom doesn’t want to leave these people. So let’s take ‘em with us. MARY They’ll never leave their home. They’ll never leave their cause. SAM I’m not saying abandon the fight. I’m saying we get them somewhere safe, then we all figure out a way to take down Michael. Then once we do, they can come back and save their world. MARY You’d do that for them? DEAN Well, we got...what, nine busting out? What’s a few more. How many are we talking? MARY Twenty-five.

(don't know what that 9 number is referring to either, oh right, charlie and ketch? lol) sammy's plan seems very. pie in the sky and not something these other world people would necessary go for but mary's down so sure why not

LUCIFER Well, I mean, yes, I have done things that I am not entirely proud of. I have led the occasional soul to ruin. This is true. But, Jack, it’s because humans are so messed up. They’re -- they’re so willing to be led. JACK My mother was human. LUCIFER Awesome lady. Incorruptible. Not like that. You know, great kisser. And, uh, lost my virginity to her.

pointing to my very disgruntled thoughts about this in 12x08. we're going to regularly make allusions to lucifer raping sam via hallucifer and i think also when sam was stuck with him in 11x09 before cas sprung luci but then lucifer in the president vessel supposedly had never had sex. ok. i prefer to believe that rape isn't part of the torture package, but they make it real hard sometimes. but the show is gonna tell us that was the first time lucifer had sex. being generous and dumb, maybe he believes in the rehymenation like dean. or some particulars of being in a human vessel. as opposed to whatever it is exactly getting tortured in hell. soul in vessel-ish shape? because it wasn't dean's shiny glowing light of a soul on the rack, it was his person. i've been thinking about this off and on since we knew generally what a soul was supposed to look like

jack interviewing lucifer, the quote unquote father of lies, to whatever, determine if he wants to have anything to do with him? well. how could this go wrong?

DEAN I told you no talking! And I told you no listening. JACK Dean, he’s in chains. DEAN His mouth isn’t. Shoulda gagged him. JACK No, I need to know about my powers, my family. CAS Jack, we are your family. We’ve been protecting you. We’ve been honoring your mother’s wishes. We’re your family. SAM Jack, you have no idea who Lucifer really is. JACK And I never will unless I talk to him.

like yes obviously, going this route is going to make anyone shut down and not listen to what you have to say (acting like john winchester basically), especially someone who is framed as being a kid. HOWEVER! couldn't we just say that lucifer spent a year which is equivalent to whatever in dog hell years torturing sam. our sam, that's standing right there. your sam, who you're including as a father figure.

MARY (amused) Jack isn’t going to the dark side. He’ll see Lucifer’s true nature. And he’ll see through his own eyes and not yours.

like she's trying to impart some parenting wisdom - which this is surely applicable to regular real life parenting! but i don't think it's applicable to the situation at hand. being that the grown ass adults with a lot of life experience and big bad demons etc etc have been fooled by lucifer time and time again. at least he should be aware of the actual harm lucifer has done to everyone present that they've personally experienced. and maybe he does know? i'm thinking WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS. for this half baked plot shit.

lucifer cutting off gabriel from telling him about the (oops not actual) murdering of himself would indicate to me he doesn't know so, yeah. whatever man. i gotta fucking finish this episode! i started yesterday but just yammered on too much and then it was midnight.

BOBBY Now about that. Mary said you wanna take a bunch of our people back to this Other Earth? DEAN Yeah. Yeah, that’s the idea. BOBBY Well, no offense, but that may be the dumbest friggin’ idea in a landfill of dumb ideas.

say it, bobby

sam's gonna give a rousing speech to get the people to come around though, right. and now ketch and charlie get to be tortured. so both ketch and rowena are all about the redemption arc life

i'm real tired of this episode lol.

GABRIEL Dad saw that your evil was like the first few cells of cancer...that it would spread like the disease unless He cut it out. That is why He locked you up, to stop the cancer. But it was too late then. And guess what? It’s too late for you now.

excuse me what. he's crying? what even

great, au!cas misha doing another accent. as a... nazi? seriously checked out at this point

sure. like that whole wound tending thing the first time they were there. weird vibes man, are we supposed to ship it

AW-CASTIEL Don’t think that you are better than me. Well, we are the same. CAS Yes. We are.

cathartic

this like. militaryish music as they ride off in the bus is.... oof. not great. ditto for the music with this goofy fucking jumping through the nexus proceedings

and now gabriel's gonna get into a knife fight with this basically impossible to win against michael, good idea. and sam and dean are just gonna hang back and watch him die

well, at least sam got to trap lucifer there with michael? 🤷 surely that won't go bad!

gives me the heebiejeebies all those people in there

CAS What about Lucifer? DEAN Sam handled it.

heaven forbid we actually kill him. wonder how they're gonna have jack react to this

and hey last minute mushy music during the toast by bobby to sam and dean. welcome to the family. mhm

and of course lucifer immediately plotting with michael

[someone-you-do-not-know]

Howdy 📯 You got a minute to talk about nonsense with me? (it's fun, I promise :D)

For some reason, I got a feeling that you've already been asked this, but I shall ask you nonetheless

/You can imagine us both on a talk show, if you want/

Birds

Do you have a favorite birb? (Or any favorite animal for the matter?)

What inspired you ✨ to create Birdbrains? Specifically, Gilbert's au character. Because I know that that guy has always been associated with birds, but in the same time he only has Gilbird in canon. And you need to do a lot of research for every chapter to be able to portray a believable ornithologist. You captured his persona perfectly ✨ 👌, I had a friend who liked ornithology and they're always spraying people with random bird facts, it's so funny 😂

Speaking of which, is it hard to do research? There's so many details you put into these, it's so impressive

Was there any moment when you for a reason decided to just come up with your own fact? Were there many? 😈 or not?

Your bits are hilarious, how much time does it take to come up with a joke?

And lastly, what is your favorite bird fact? 🐦

Thank you for answering, here's some sweets 🍭🍬🍫 :)

I think you're severely overestimating my popularity, no one's asked me these questions before.

I do have a favourite bird! And a favourite animal too! My favourite bird is a raven! And my favourite animal is a bat – not any specific kind of bat, but the very concept of them! I also really like snakes. I am perfectly aware those are all... edgier animals, but when I was in third grade, we had to do a project on our favourite animal, and I didn't want to do a cat or a dog (or a horse), so I settled on a bat. Maybe I was always a little edgy?

Look at the pretty raven, it's so clever and pretty.

Just as I wrote in the tags for the first part of Birdbrains, I really did look at a duck for a little too long. Then I thought about the Bad Friends Trio and how they're always portrayed as these cool guys who everyone likes... And Gilbird... And then it clicked. I was struck by the insane thought "wouldn't it be funny if the BFT were bird watchers?" Then I of course had to have spamano, and I always liked prucan – how to make them connected? platonic romerica and North American bros, of course. Why they would meet? Well, hunting and birdwatching take place in the same areas... And in some odd 20 minutes after looking at a duck, the outline for Anatinae was formed in my brain. The Gilbird – Gilbert connection is what carries this entirely, that and the fact that Gilbert is actually not awesome, he's a losernerd who's not afraid to show it, and that makes him awesome. I'm SO glad you say I captured the ornithology spirit, because I don't actually know any bird watchers or ornithologists. 🥲

The research is part of why I haven't managed to write the next part (fruk being idiots who are hard to write is the other reason). For every single main part of birdbrains, I read through the wikipedia page for the chosen bird, spend time to figure out the subfamily for the bird, research symbolism and actual bird behaviour of the bird in question... It's a lot. For most, I've had 4-5 dedicated pages open for research purposes. While writing Cyanocoracinae, Youtube even began recommending me videos of blue jays, because I had watched a few videos to learn what their calls sounded like. It's a stupidly large amount of research – and bald eagles have no excuse for how hard it was to find their subfamily. Subfamilies are apparently a little bit of a strange label in the first place, but at this point all main parts has to end with -nae, because I think it has a nice ring to it.

So far, I don't think I've come up with my own facts. Misunderstood things, grossly simplified the difference between ravens and crows, and taken symbolism, jokes, and metaphors way too seriously – sure. Pheasant bashing is purely based on how fucking dumb all the pheasants I've ever seen are. Those birds want to die. But I try to stay true to reality, in case there's an ornithologist Hetalian out there. I don't want them to get mad at me for not knowing my stuff. XD

The jokes though. I'm glad you think they're funny! The jokes aren't that hard to come up with. Most are puns, after all, and some of them I think of while researching. Generally, I just go with whatever would be sillier. I live off of the silly.

My favourite bird fact is a bit hard, because there's so many in my head at this point. But last year when I went to Jungfraujoch in Switzerland, I learned about the alpine chough (there's just something about black corvids), and how it nests at a higher altitude than any other bird. Their eggs have adapted to this low oxygen atmosphere, and has a smaller loss of water too. Not to sound like Gilbert, but they're really cool.

Thank you for the candy! <3

[adultswim2021]

Moral Orel #33: “Innocence” | October 17, 2008 - 12:15AM | S03E03

Season three’s objective is to unpack the events of Nature as well as Clay’s abusive nature. This strips Orel of his Innocence. Hey, that’s the name of this episode. 

Was never that big on this one, as it feels like it’s half comedy show/half math problem. A little more interested in answering the question of what the heck was going on at the end of Grounded than it is in being very funny.

Embarrassingly, this lead me to spending most of the time I allocated towards writing this write-up to me sussing out a roughly story-chronological order for the episodes of Moral Orel. As far as I can tell, nobody has really done a scene-by-scene breakdown timeline kinda thing. I didn’t do that. I just listed the episodes and shuffled the order so they’d be less scrambled. It won’t be part of this write-up, because I only like doing things that are a waste of time, and including it would make it technically not. 

Okay, so this episode takes place immediately after the School Pageant, which they say was “4 weeks and 1 day ago”. The main, most useful takeaway that I realized here was that the accepted running order of the show is mostly represented on HBOMax, but I think Orel’s Movie Premiere ought to trade places with School Pageant. Apparently they were supposed to air that way but didn’t. School Pageant is the last season two episode to take place before Nature, and some of season three is set in between. Nature parts one and two weigh heaviest on this season, but School Pageant is a pretty close second.

In this one, the adults have a meeting without Orel, after Reverend Putty has the apocalyptic realization that god is mad at Moralton, in part because of the “God I Hate You Jesus” song featured in said School Pageant. There were also the many catastrophes that were brought on by Orel, perhaps acting as a tool of God’s. The parents vow to delay their smiting by not giving Orel anymore advice. Orel, champing at the bit for adultlike sageness, gets pushed from adult to adult, who offer little nuggets here and there after being browbeat by a wisdom-hungry Orel. This causes him to cobble together one of his more disgusting outings (as seen at the beginning of Grounded), which actually did air before this, but I covered it when it aired as part of the April Fools’ stealth premieres. 

I get why airing Grounded, a heavier episode that dives a little further into Clay’s abusiveness, after Nature despite it taking place afterwards makes sense. This makes less sense, but it’s ultimately a playful exercise that I’m not terribly mad at. The disastrous moment in time when all of Moralton tried to stop giving Orel advice and failed to thwart a terrible misunderstanding from happening anyway is a decent idea. I just think it gets to a point where it’s just spinning it’s wheels and is just marching adequately towards its conclusion which we already saw. 

There is a little bit of foreshadowing for Orel’s teacher, who is seen cutting out a news clipping about a rapist. This is touched on in the upcoming “Alone”, and was meant to pay off in an episode called “Raped”, an unproduced episode that had it’s script leaked. Also worth noting: Jay Johnston is not in this episode, but his characters are, voiced by different people. Scott Adsit voices Coach Stopframe, and David Herman voices Principal Flakey. This is maybe the biggest bummer of the season. I didn’t look that hard, so I did not find a source for this, but I was always under the impression that Jay Johnston similarly didn’t like the direction the show was going in and blew off recording for it. Perhaps he was busy planning a fateful trip to our nation’s capital. Heh, that would be cool :D 

44 NIGHTS OF OREL

I'm gonna keep using this picture. It is just too nice not to. These episodes aired before tonight’s episode:

Grounded (official premiere; originally aired stealthily as part of an April Fools stunt)

Loyalty (literally just for the “omelet facemask” joke which is called back in School Pageant)

School Pageant (takes place before Innocence). Innocence (This one!)

[whoseafraidofliloleme]

I like everyone of your smaus but i think my favorite would be unexpected partners...

I generally like stories that are (kind of) slice-of-life but that can easily be boring, but what i like about your stories is that there are quirks that makes them more interesting and easier to read... By that i mean quirks of the characters like how annoyingly blindsided or mean jungwon, jay, and hiyyih were or how much of a simp y/ns siblings and friends are towards her

I also like that in alot of your works are y/ns or ocs that are independent or are actually able to look out for themselves and take care of their friends and that they have something they're good at and actually likeable

Another thing would be that you have a good general sense of what would make a story or synopsis interesting.. like although you have a lot of discontinued (?) smaus id think its because you can generally tell whether there is an actual idea or goal to that story and decide to either change something up to make it more interesting or to drop it and create a new one... And i think its impressive how you can make up a lot of stories

And i also really like how you sometimes add the things we mention or the 'what-if' scenarios we say

The only thing that bothers me would probably be that sometimes the profile pic and the names or the one who's supposed to say it are different... It's just cause it usually pay attention to the profile pic rather than the name and it can sometimes get confusing for me

Of course these are just my opinions, and i know its not much of a constructive criticism rather just me saying what i like abt your works... But i still wanted to share them with you :]

-😾 (i actually forgot whether or not I used 😾 as my anon thingy already or this is the first time I've done it)

Hi 😾,

Honestly I can't remember if this is the first time you've used it or not 😂. This might be the first time you've used it 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Aw thank you for liking all my smaus, that means everything to me honestly.

When I was writing Unexpected Partners, I didn't expect it to blow up the way it did. But I think the idea that you have to love yourself before loving someone else is very universal and it resonated with readers which was great.

YBWM, I really did want to show the character growth, how they went from people who had so much prejudice against each other to friends or in ynwons case lovers.

I just love making different characters simps for yn 😂, that's my favourite thing to do honestly.

I love that you've noticed that, it's something I love doing, independent YN's is important and making sure each yn is different to others. The only similarity is that all my YN's are swifties 😂. I tried with YBWM for a bad girl type yn but I think she ended up being more endearing than anything else 😂.

Yeah when I think abt it, I do have a lot of discontinued smaus 😂, I think i get the ideas then get too excited and start posting about it before I've thought it through. Or Ive got it thought out but I don't think too far into how I want the story to go.

Going into my process here, I get the idea and I write that down, most of the times the idea is linked to a member so that's the summary and pairing sorted, then I figure out the characters, friends groups, then the profiles and all are made.

Generally I have a vague idea of where I want to go with the story and that's kinda why so many stories have been discontinued, because I've gotten to the third or something chapter and I don't know where the story goes from there so it gets discontinued.

I like having more than one story at once cause I like having different ideas to work on. Just focusing on one smau seems boring to me 😂. Like if I'm struggling on the next chapter for one smau, I can jump and go to another story until I get an idea for the one I was struggling on.

Oh I love adding reader ideas, most of the time they are better than what I originally planned or like with Call It What You Want, where yn made what I thought was a offhand comment but everyone was quite shocked that she'd say something like that and so that got me thinking and I addressed it in the next chapter which I hadn't planned to do but it worked out nicely and readers appreciated that I did that.

Adding What If scenarios is my favourite thing to do. I love how just one choice/convo can change the trajectory of a whole story. What If scenarios fascinate me and I'd love to write a whole choose your adventure type smau, I think that would be so much fun. A lot of work on my side but I think it would be worth it.... And now I'm thinking of how a good idea to do a choose your adventure smau 😂😂..

Ah I see and hear what your saying. I hate not taking full responsibility but it's really not my fault, it's the app I use 😂. Memi Message that glitches on me 😭, it confuses me too cause I'm like this isnt the person whose meant to be talking 😂. I don't know how to solve this but worry not, it annoys me immensely and I'm trying to find a way that it happens less or atleast doesn't happen when I take screenshots.

Thank you so much for taking the time to send this ask. I love a long ask so I've had lots of fun answering this. I hope you carry on reading and enjoying my smaus and any fics I write. I would not be adverse to more asks but that's up to you.

I hope you have a amazing day/night wherever you are 🫰🏽🫶🏽.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

425 of 2022

L is for the way you look at me… The kind of person you’re first attracted to.

I don’t pay much attention to looks, except for eyes. Personality is what matters to me more, as I don’t fall for people at first sight. You’re gonna win my heart (or be very likely to) if you’re kind, caring, fairly intelligent, respectful and overall a genuine person.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nope, I’m a realist.

How do you show someone you are interested?

I become an idiot lol. I avoid looking at them because every time I do, I start blushing. XD I may get talkative, too.

Is there such thing as a perfect relationship?

I believe everyone has their own idea of perfection, and that so-called “universal perfection” doesn’t exist.

How do you know when someone thinks you’re attractive?

I don’t. I’m oblivious to that body language stuff.

How do you know it’s right?

I just don’t.

Could you date someone who has been only your friend for a long time?

I’ve only dated like that. The fact people fall for strangers is utterly baffling to me.

What do you wear to attract the opposite sex?

Lmao I’m gay. XD I don’t dress to impress others and I really don’t care if the opposite sex is attracted to me or not. I am not attracted to women in any other way than platonic, so why would I try to impress them with my looks?

What makes someone sexy?

Their brains. And kindness.

Are you uncomfortable staring into someone’s eyes who likes you?

More if I like them.

Do you come across as confident, sexy, friendly, subtle, or innocent?

Probably friendly, and it’s okay. I don’t even want to be seen as sexy in any way.

When someone catches your eye, do you try to make eye contact or avoid it?

Avoid it, if it’s accidental. But when I’m talking with someone, it’s no problem.

Your favorite colors of eyes in the opposite sex:

I don’t care about the opposite sex.

What makes you sexy?

Hopefully nothing.

O is for the only one I see… Describe your significant other or crush.

Shorter than me, hazel eyes, dark hair going grey, slightly overweight, doesn’t care what people think about him, blunt but caring. And not afraid of hard work.

When are you the most happy in a relationship?

When I know I can count on my husband and he knows he can count on me, too.

Do you believe in soul mates? Have you found yours?

I do and yes, I have.

How many people have broken your heart?

One.

Would you ever cheat or have you ever cheated?

No and no.

Have you ever loved someone who didn’t love you back?

Yeah, happened. Falling for straight guys lol.

Have you ever given someone your entire heart?

Yeah, my ex Nielsje and my husband. I don’t regret.

What kind of things do you do to show someone you are theirs?

I’m there for them.

Is there ever a happily ever after?

Looks like there is.

Do you want to grow old with someone or be single?

Since the marriage happened, I want things to stay this way.

Are you a hopeless romantic?

Not at all.

What’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for you?

He stayed with me overnight just to listen to me.

What are you like when you’re in love?

Over the moon happy.

Describe your dream person.

I think I did it already.

V is very, very extraordinary… What has been the weirdest date you’ve ever been on?

Can’t think of anything.

And the very best?

Either Oostende or the Irish pub, or the Netherlands.

What’s the most money a boyfriend or girlfriend has spent on you?

He bought me beer, he always does when we go out. I like it that way.

And the most you’ve spent on them?

I buy food for us both. He pays the bills. It’s enough.

Which one of your relationships was the shortest?

Jay, six months. Strange to think we’ve been friends for years prior that.

Which was the longest?

My husband, over 4 years.

Are you friends with any of your exes?

Yes, with Nielsje. I still love him on a way.

Do you wish you were back together with any of your exes?

No, the past is the past. I’m gllad to have a wonderful friend, though.

Do you ever have dreams about your exes?

No, never.

If you want to get married, what age?

I’m married already.

Are you open or closed because of past hurt?

I rarely talk about it.

What is your philosophy on love?

There are many types of love, much more than just romantic.

Who do you secretly yearn for?

No one, and the one I have I don’t need to yearn for.

E is even more than anyone that you adore… The reason you love your significant other or crush.

He’s my best friend ever.

Would you change yourself for someone you loved?

No. You either love me for who I am or you don’t love me at all, the only change I’d consider is personal growth to become a better person.

Would you give up a dream for someone you loved?

No. You knew what you were taking.

Would you quit a job for someone you loved?

No. I love my job way too much.

The thing you love about relationships:

Having someone to just be with.

The thing you love about being single:

No grumpy men around.

The person who’s on your mind right now:

My husband and why is he playing that game tonight.

[ausetkmt]

I'd say some of y'all have been missing the hints for a while cause the newsmedia is still breadcrumbing.. dot dot dot. Yeah Take Dat,

She is her sister’s mother, a member of the Illuminati, and now, apparently, two years older than she says she is. What is it about the queen of pop that makes her such a magnet for speculation?

Every great singer has one great conspiracy theory hovering over them: Elvis is still alive, Dolly Parton has no ribs and Marc Bolan once did that thing with a ... [that’s enough – ed].

But Beyoncé has loads.

The latest comes from her former “Dadager”, Matthew Knowles, who said in a radio interview that Beyoncé is “the exact same age” as Pink. Which would make her a few years older than she claims to be (36, and not 34). Controversial if true, but more likely a 63-year-old man misremembering the facts.

But that hasn’t stopped the global Beyoncé conspiracy industry from cranking into gear, adding it to the daft rumours that surrounded her pregnancy (she had a secret surrogate! Her baby bump was a cheap cloth prosthetic that tragically folded in on itself!); her sister is her daughter!; and her membership of the Illuminati (look at the unwavering evidence: she’s sacrificed in the Crazy In Love video! She did the illuminati symbol during the Super Bowl!).

Beyoncé is catnip for messageboard-lurking conspiracy theorists because, in the age of the accessible celebrity, she is so guarded about what ends up in the public domain.

On the surface, she appears to be fairly forthcoming about what she lets people know. A cursory look at her Instagram, a scan of the lyrics on the album Beyoncé, or a viewing of her documentary Life Is But A Dream, suggest a level of transparency. But on closer inspection, she very rarely lets anything personal slip.

Early this year she made the cover of Vogue’s September issue, without actually doing the requisite accompanying interview. More recently she was on the cover of Flaunt magazine where, sans interview, she deigned to give them a handwritten word association instead (example: “Overpopulated – my hair closet”). A New York Times piece from May summed up her frosty relationship with the media thus: “Beyoncé, a representative explained, has not answered any direct questions for more than a year.” Which makes her interview with the free, smallscale British magazine Beat this week all the more impressive a coup. (She revealed that she has “extra tomato sauce and jalapeños” on her pizza.)

The full story of her persona control may lie in the room that GQ writer Amy Wallace uncovered during her 2013 cover story. This archive room featured, according to Wallace, “every existing photograph of her ... every interview she’s ever done, every video of every show she’s ever performed; every diary entry she’s ever recorded, every fingernail of every Destiny’s Child member ever ...” OK, that last bit was a lie, but you get the idea.

As her surprise winter album drop of 2013 proved, Beyoncé, who has been famous for more than half her life, doesn’t need to play by the media’s or anyone’s rules. Not so great for editors, but brilliant fodder for the armchair soldiers devoted to uncovering the New World Order, lyric by lyric.

orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-

Beyoncé is many things to many people – muse, icon, trailblazer, Sasha Fierce – but there’s one label that she may not be so quick to claim: Illuminati. The pop goddess has been dogged with rumored links to the super-secret society for years, with conspiracy theorists pointing to her and husband Jay-Z as the reigning king and queen of the centuries-old organization.

But how did the Lemonade singer come to be associated with the Illuminati in the first place? And who or what are the Illuminati anyway? And, perhaps most importantly – why does it matter if she is, in fact, a reigning member of the secret society? Good questions, not-so-easy answers.

Queen Bey’s affiliation with the Illuminati actually stems from her relationship with husband Jay-Z, who has been linked to the powerful secret society since the late 1990s. As Hova rose to success with a string of platinum albums, starting with 1996’s Reasonable Doubt and spanning In My Lifetime, Vol. 1, Vol. 2… Hard Knock Life and Vol. 3… Life and Times of S. Carter, conspiracy theorists began to speculate that the music mogul’s powers extended beyond mere talent and bravado; in their eyes, Jay-Z was actually a member of the Illuminati, an exclusive group made up of the intellectual and political elite, which literally runs the world.

Add to that the fact that the signature hand sign for Jay Z’s Roc Nation involves holding both palms up in a triangle formation – believed to be a nod to the triangle symbol that represents the Illuminati – and it starts to become clear how and why theorists see hints of the couple’s membership everywhere. Beyoncé’s stunning 2013 Super Bowl performance, for instance, gave conspiracy theorists whiplash when she flashed the Roc Nation hand symbol at halftime, a move theorists pointed to as evidence of her allegiance to the Illuminati.

Theorists also point to Beyoncé’s music videos, which are notoriously rife with symbolism, as hints at the singer’s double-life as the Queen of the Illuminati. Her Grammy-nominated (but notably not-winning) 2008 music video for “Single Ladies” has drawn particular interest from theorists, with some claiming that messages can be heard when the song is played in reverse.

The far reaches of the Internet even link Beyoncé’s rise to fame with R&B singer Aaliyah’s untimely 2001 death, with theorists claiming that Aaliyah was killed because she had tried to get out from under the Illuminati’s control. According to that narrative, Aaliyah was meant to be the rightful queen of the music industry, but after her death, Beyoncé stepped in to take her place.

Beyoncé and Jay-Z aren’t the only hit-makers who are suspected of being members of the elusive Illuminati either; Whitney Houston, Justin Bieber, Bono, Eminem, Nicki Minaj, Lil Wayne and Dr. Dre are among those believed to be among the chosen ones as well, using their collective powers to lead the New World Order.

(click the title pic to continue to the end of this article from RS)

So Is Beyonce Practicing Magic ?

Beyoncé Shows Her True Colors

[sammygems]

so like, all the Auradon Kids and VK in Disney's Descendants deserve better, except for Mal, because fuck Mal. here's (in my opinions) for why:

Auradon Kids Who Deserve Better

Ben - he deserves better then Mal. Their relationship started because she drugged him, and yes, the spell wore off and wasn't there the majority of their relationship, but that's such a bad start to a relationship. Also, Mal sucks, she runs away from her problems when it becomes too much for her (which yes, stress is difficult, but you don't just run away when things get hard. try talking to someone, take a break, there are so many other ways of dealing with it before running away). Overall Ben deserves a better girlfriend, wife, and queen.

Doug - i guess more screentime/attention from the fandom. he's a good boyfriend to Evie and he loves and supports her. give him more credit god dangit

Chad - THIS BOY NEEDS SOME THERAPY AFTER THE 3RD MOVIE

Lonnie - She deserves to not be fucking whitewashed as fuck. Like, she's the daughter of Fa Mulan and Li Shang, yet her name is fucking LONNIE?? Give her an actual chinese name, good god.

Jane - Now, I love Jane, but she deserved better writing, especially her relationship with Carlos.

Audrey - OH BOY WHERE DO I START?! This girl deserves so much better. Ben did her wrong, Mal did her wrong, her family's disappointment in her for loosing the crown as future queen. I loved that she was the villain of the 3rd movie, but she still deserves so much better. Some of the people in the Descendants fandom hate her for sometimes really dumb reasons too. Btw, her treatment of Chad in the 3rd movie is not ok, I will never say she was in the right for how she threated him.

VKs Who Deserve Better

Jay - He deserves more to his character & screen time in the movies. By the third movie, he was basically turned into a glorified side character.

Carlos - BETTER WRITING. Again, his relationship with Jane mainly deserved better writing, but by the third movie, he also deserved more screentime. Like Jay, he was kinda turned into a glorified side character. Also, Rest In Peace Cameron Boyce, you were gone far too soon.

Gil - I can't really say much for Gil, but I guess a better name??? WHY IS HE NAMED GIL??? HIS FATHER IS GASTON

Dizzy Tremaine - My girl deserved more screentime in the 3rd movie. She's a cute character and I really think she deserves some more attention in the actual movies.

Celia Facilier - Queen of being hyped up as an important character, only to do basically nothing. Also, WHY DID MAL DECIDE "yes, Celia is troubled", we barely were showed anything to get the impression that she was actually troubled.

Harry Hook - Um, hmmm, maybe for that dumbass fanfic backstory of him and Mal being in a relationship?? Like, guys who believe that, IT'S NOT CANON. Also his clear and obvious relationship with Uma needs and deserves to be accepted as canon because IT IS.

Uma - This girl deserves so much better from the fandom. She's a good character, she cares about the other isle kids. Mal sucks and she deserved a better childhood friend then Mal. Also her relationship with Harry needs to be accepted.

Evie - MY GIRL EVIE. She deserves a better best friend then Mal, Mal threated her like shit, both by bullying her AND after becoming friends, still being rude to her. In the 1st movie, when they first arrive at Auradon, Mal makes Evie feel bad for actually being excited to be in Auradon. In the 2nd, Evie is scared of going back to the Isle, but chooses to because Mal is there and she doesn't want to leave Ben alone, only for Mal to be a bitch when Evie shows up. Then in the 3rd, Mal lies to her about the "closing the Isle for good" thing, when she KNOWS Evie wants to help the kids on the Isle. Also, in the first movie, Audrey telling her that Evie isn't a princess was just kinda unnecessary. She deserves so much better.

[soulmate-game]

It was never that Jason wanted anyone to hurt. Contrary to popular belief, he’s not that much of a jackass. He didn’t want everyone to be hurt just for the sake of seeing them in pain. It was never about that. He didn’t expect Tim or later Damian to be hurt or even bothered much at all by the news of his death. They weren’t involved, Damian had been thousands of miles away with his mom still.

But Mari had scoured everywhere for him, not understanding why they couldn’t lock in his coordinates because if she could just figure out where he was then Kaalki could get them all there in a split second. And Bruce and Dick had shown up right as the building went up in flames. Mari has finally managed to make a portal to the right place, popping into the warehouse with the Turtle activated right as the bomb went off... only to realize too late that the Shelter she called had come short of protecting Jason by only a foot and a half.

She had worried about Batman fighting her over that fact. Maybe blaming her for not getting close enough, for not protecting him well enough even though she had literally had less than a second to react. But he understood more than she realized. He had been in the business longer than her, he knew the feeling of doing everything you physically could and yet still falling just barely short. So he didn’t fight her. He just took in her unharmed self, the little circle around her that was free of rubble, and the tears streaming silently down her face as she looked at Jason’s beat and battered body.

He walked out of there carrying Jason in his arms, and quietly sent Nightwing back to carry Marinette out as well. He had a feeling she wouldn’t be very steady on her feet, and there was a lot of dangerous rubble around. He didn’t want any more injuries today. This was... already too much.

And that was the thing Jason had a problem with years later. After his resurrection, when he came back and found Batman and Nightwing in mostly working order. Not changed much from what he could see as they were when he last saw them as Robin.

They had all gone through shit. They had all been at that warehouse, they had all been psychologically put through the wringer (though Jason’s wringer was noticeably spiked and came with a crowbar free of charge). And it wasn’t entirely about Jason being upset that he didn’t mean that much to Bruce and Dick (though that was a nagging thought that interrupted his attempts at sleep many nights).

If they all went through the same agonizing thing. They all went through the explosion at that warehouse in different ways. They were all tortured by the joker, albeit in different ways. All four of them experienced merely different flavors of panic and agony during the whole ordeal that killed him.

So why was Jason the only one that wasn’t okay? Of course, that was before he found Marinette. To him, if Dick and Bruce were okay (they weren’t, but they looked like it from what he could see) then Mari probably was too. Which meant he was the only one still damaged. And how was that fair? Because he was the only one whose heart stopped? And whose fault was that? Whose fault was it that he was the only one out of the four people involved in the same traumatic experience that was still wrecked by it? His mother. Joker. Himself. Bruce. Bruce was the only logical choice, because he was the only choice left that Jason could act on. He was the only choice left for Jason to take his anger out on.

Just the thought of the Joker still made him freeze up, some days. Joker was his boogeyman and even if given the chance, he didn’t know if he could pull the trigger on his own. His brain was traitorous like that. And his mother was dead. And the shit he was going through was exactly the reason he wanted to take his anger out on somebody else in the first place, so it wouldn’t make sense to add to that. So Bruce. It had to be Bruce’s fault by default, right?

And then he found Marinette. And his realizations were made, and talks were had, and after all those discussions and after the beginning of the three of them healing, Jason showed up at Dick’s door. Motorcycle helmet under his arm, and a box of goodies from Marinette as a peace offering.

Because now that he knew that none of them had made it out of that Warehouse as the same person, that all of them had died a little on that day and still had to piece themselves back together, he couldn’t ignore that Dick was also there. Dick, “Boy Wonder” Grayson, who might explode in anger when he felt wronged but otherwise dealt with everything he could with a smile.

The same Grayson that had notoriously hard to tell when he was dealing with something. The same Grayson who was always there for others to open up to, but rarely opened up to anyone himself. The Grayson who, like the old Marinette, preferred to hide all of his mental trauma and struggles with smiles and favors and jokes and sarcasm.

“Hey,” Jason gave Dick a lopsided smile, his other brother still staring with wide eyes. Jason hadn’t visited him at all since he came back, Dick was under the impression that he still hated all of them. “I brought some eclairs and croissants from Mari. She included savory ones too because we both know you’re still probably eating nothing but cereal and ice cream—“

“Jay,” Dick breathed, still not quite believing what he was seeing. Jason wasn’t angry, he wasn’t Red Hood, he was voluntarily visiting him. And being a self-conscious, emotionally vulnerable Jason that he hadn’t seen in... hadn’t seen since...

“I think we should talk, Dick,” Jason finally managed to whisper. “Hell knows our damn family is horrible at communication.”

Our family.

Dick swallowed a lump in his throat, pushing down the intrusive thoughts. Jason still thought of him as family. He had all but lost hope on that front.

“Yeah, come on in.”

[halfcarrotikemen]

Oh! These are very interesting points! Thank you for adding them. I guess I had these impressions because I was thinking in Japanese by default even when watching the English dub (so my brain kept repeating their Japanese lines whenever the characters speak; I know the voicelines by heart, I’ve been rewatching the show for too many times lol). I kinda see your points now if I try to think from an English speaker perspective.

Anyway, Vash also has these different “modes”, as you mentioned, in Japanese; I have zero complaints with either versions, they’re both amazing! It’s like reading English translation of Murakami Haruki books by Jay Rubin (weirdly specific example but I can’t think of anything else haha). But if I were to stretch it a little, it’s very subtle but to me English Vash exaggerates his “funny mode” more and Japanese Vash emphasizes his “serious mode” more. Also it’s easier for me to recognize that Vash is always trying to make himself look soft and harmless in Japanese (e.g., he changed his first person pronoun into “boku” [a softer pronoun to refer to oneself, usually for male-presenting characters] at some point, I remember he used “ore” when the twins were in Rem’s care [also on that note Tristamp Vash deliberately uses softer way of speaking than ‘98 Vash]). English Vash also does try to make himself softer and look more harmless but it’s not as apparent as the Japanese version to me as a Japanese speaker.

Wolfwood sounds exactly like you described in Japanese, immature and not very educated. Some Japanese fans even call Tristamp Wolfwood the “kusogaki” (shitty brat) version of Wolfwoods lol. His accent also adds some kind of… “countryside” vibe or something like… “he came from somewhere far” feeling (most people in the capital city speak standard Japanese). I was thinking if English speakers don’t… how do you put it… have specific interests(?) towards characters accents? Like, Kansai accent is like one big category of characters’ selling point in Japan (I have a friend who’s a big fan of Kansai characters and never heard of Trigun before; they were not interested but I showed them Wolfwood and they immediately started watching lol). I’m not gonna lie I’m also a bit biased because a lot of my favorite characters also speak in Kansai dialect.

Now that you mention it about Meryl, yes, she does sound like someone who’s trying too hard to sound like a grown-up in the dub. She sounds like she’s trying her best to look more put together than she actually feels. Japanese version Meryl doesn’t even try to sound like an adult, that’s why she sounds more innocent and immature to me than the English version.

On its own, I like Nai’s English VA’s acting, he did a great job. I just don’t like how he sounds so… dismissive and kinda rude? towards Vash. This is also my biased view because I resonate a lot with Nai’s personality and it feels a little uncomfortable for me (who also loves Vash very much) when Nai’s being harsh to Vash. In Japanese he is still very scary, but he never actively uses harsh words just to make it hurt. In English, Nai feels more like just a terrifying villain rather than specifically Vash’s evil big brother, which is how I view him by default. And I think how he always refers to the dependent plants as “kanojotachi” is one of the ways of him trying to convince himself that he is doing the right thing, to justify his abuse.

It’s really interesting how you can have different impressions of a character based on what language you’re speaking by default. I’m no expert in languages (heck I speak four languages but the more languages I learn the more I feel like I’m getting dumber in all of them lol), but it’s always a great interest to me. I love when people analyze the use of different languages in media.

So I finally found a way to watch tristamp in English dub (I only ever watched the series in Japanese). I haven’t done any deeper thoughts and analysis, and I’m only halfway through the series but here’s my impression so far:

- I love English dub Vash, especially his gibberish noises, such a chaotic dumbass (affectionate), and although some of his jokes and mannerism didn’t translate as well as I hoped, they did a very good job. They deserved two dozen donuts. (although if you hold me at gunpoint and ask me to choose English or Japanese Vash I will choose the Japanese version with a thin margin because I have personal bias towards Matsuoka Yoshitsugu [he’s from where I live lol, and I’m a big fan])

- I’m also in love with how they play Legato and Roberto, especially Legato, I was surprised by the lack of the feeling out of place (Is that the right word? sorry my brain suddenly stopped working in English) that you usually have when you hear a show dubbed in another language you’re not used to hearing. So smooth. And they nailed the drunkle speech with Roberto.

- I honestly was disappointed with the lack of accent in Wolfwood’s speech (maybe I just didn’t hear it correctly? Idk) because he speaks in heavy Kansai dialect in Japanese, even when he was a child (also casting Hosoya Yoshimasa really emphasized the accent). A huge missed opportunity on the English dub, in my opinion. I was expecting Wolfwood with a heavy Southern accent or something. And on that note they also missed the chance to add some dialect for the worm hunters on episode 4.

- English dub Meryl feels mature and a lot more pulled together to me compared to the Japanese version, which sounds very pristine and innocent until she starts learning about the world. It makes her a little… out of place for me who’s used to Meryl speaking in a very polite formal Japanese to everyone (even when she’s yelling in rage or when she’s cursing people). I think it suits Meryl from ‘98 anime more than tristamp Meryl. Probably because you can’t really translate her distinct way of speaking accurately, it’s not anyone’s fault, just a matter of different language. But I guess I like the Japanese version better for Meryl. I just love the way she speaks, shame there’s no English equivalent to her speech style.

- I don’t like English dub Nai. I’m 100% going with the Japanese version in this. Not the performance, though, I know translations are really hard and I do think the English VA did a great job, but as someone who’s used to how Nai speak in Japanese, the dub just… didn’t feel right. In Japanese Nai speaks in a relatively rougher manner compared to Vash (in how he chooses his words, also the subtle but different way he talks to humans and to Vash) didn’t show as much in the English dub. And his pretentious speech that sounds like some people from the church near my house doesn’t get carried to the English dub, I guess. In English he just sounds like a scary villain to me, while in Japanese I can feel his emotions and (warped) love towards Vash just from his words. I saw someone pointing out that Nai refers to the dependent plants with feminine pronouns, and it’s even more prominent and emphasized in the Japanese version. They’re not wrong. Maybe in English it can come across as a bit misogynistic(?), I don’t know, but I like how he does this in Japanese, because to me it feels like he’s always trying to refer to them as “persons” and not “things”, although his treatment towards them is contradictory.

This ended up longer than I expected but overall I enjoyed the English dub and I love analyzing different languages. I wanna know how it feels for people who know absolutely zero Japanese watching the series in English dub and in Japanese with English subtitles. I know that there were differences in the subtitles and the dub but for me I can’t compare English sub and dub because I’d just go with my Japanese interpretation if I watch the subbed version (or I’d rather just ditch the subtitle altogether because sometimes it’s making my brain confused when I speak both languages).

Also to people who write Trigun fanfics in English, where do you base the character speech from? I don’t know how to translate Japanese dialects, so Wolfwood, for example, is very difficult for me to write in English.

[emiewritesthings]

doctor, doctor - jay halstead

jay halstead x fem!reader

summary: in which y/n takes it into her own hands to look after a sick jay 

a/n: i’m not gonna lie i think this is one of my fav things i’ve ever written, i would really appreciate some feedback and p.s the beginning of it is based on that scene from brooklyn 99 :)

masterlist

“okay, it’s 10 o’clock, meaning halstead is officially an hour late to work,” y/n announced as she appeared from the break room with a mug of poorly made coffee. looking around, she had immediately distracted everyone in the room with her playful smile. “okay let’s do this, theories!” she encouraged, taking a sip with excitement, but immediately regretting it as s he spat it back in the mug and abandoned it on adam’s desk as she leant against it.

“uh, he forgot to set his alarm?” antonio suggested, willing to play along with the little game that y/n had created. however clearly his answer didn’t suffice as y/n scrunched up her nose and shook her head in disappointment.

“you are a detective in a unit that just last week rescued 5 people kidnapped and used as chess pieces in a human sized version of the game and the best you could come up with is he forgot to set his alarm? pfft, disappointing, dawson. who’s willing to take this seriously?” she scoffed, brushing his idea off with a simple roll of the eyes as the group laughed at her ridiculousness. 

“maybe he has been murdered by a gang looking for revenge.” adam piped up, earning a sudden and rather forceful slap on the back as y/n cheered. her eyes looking over at antonio as she gestured towards the less experienced detective.

“yes, that’s what i’m talking about. bit dark, ruzek, but better than dawson’s,” y/n hummed, adam clearly pleased with the praise he had received by the pretty detective. “any one else wanna shot?” she offered it out into the room, suddenly the sound of rolling wheels on the chair had everyone turn to face al who was munching on a ham sandwich.

“he walked into the middle of a drug ring, slept with the kingpins daughter and is now having limbs removed, one by the hour.” suddenly an eery silence fell in the bullpen as al suddenly disappeared back to his desk and everyone was left with an image that she was sure was burned on the inside of everyones mind.

“uh, okay, someone might want to arrange a psych check for olinsky asap,” y/n mumbled, pointing in the direction where he had once been and looking around as if checking that she hadn’t been the only one to hear al’s suggestion. “anyways, all of you are wrong. clearly he has joined a motorbike gang and now makes his money on the road striking off names on the government’s hit list.” 

just as the room erupted into discussion about how idiotic this conversation was, as well as their ideas, the sound of footsteps caught y/n’s attention as she arrived at her desk. however as he reached the floor, the reason for his absence was clear.

“woah, you look like death.” adam chuckled, it immediately being silenced as jay sent a deadly glare his way. with his skin paler than normal with undertones of green, a layer of sweat draped over his forehead. jay flashed as smile at y/n as he passed, reaching his desk and collapsing on his chair with a wince. 

as everyone went back to what they were doing, y/n found herself straying her eyes away from her computer screen for longer and longer periods of time until she found herself by his side with a sickly sweet grin, pun intended. 

“i don’t wanna hear it, y/l/n.” jay mumbled, massaging his temples with his fingers hoping it would somehow sooth his pounding skull. whilst usually he had every minute of his day just to hear the woman chat away about whatever crossed her mind, he had found himself in quite the state since last night, leaving him restless and irritable.

“believe it or not, i just wanted to make sure you were alright,” y/n’s entire demeanour crumbled as she melted at the soft features of his face that came with being so vulnerable. but from the look in jay’s eyes, it was clear he didn’t 100% believe her excuse. “and to ask what the hell you think you are doing here? you are sick jay, you need to rest.” 

it was very rare that jay found himself ill. in the years that y/n had been working by the man’s side, she could count on one hand the times she had seen him with so much as a cough. in fact she had called him captain immune system for a period of time when she realised he was pretty much indestructible. y/n couldn’t deny the concern bubbling in her gut seeing him so weak.

“i’m fine,” with her eyes slitted in a look that practically shouted ‘bullshit’, jay continued. “i promise, it’s just a little cold. nothing serious, i think i’ll survive.” he joked dryly, finding it incredibly hard to look away from y/n for her eyes were filled with a warmth that he knew was an expression usually saved for those she cared deeply about. 

“yeah well, you need to take care of yourself, jay, i’m being serious. chicago can cope if you just have one day off, get your energy back.” 

y/n was reminded of the times she had the exact same words spoken to her by the exact person that didn’t seem to want to take them onboard. every time she had so much as a sniffle he would be straight over with some soup that his mother used to swear by and the name of a box set that he would put on for the two of them to watch as he sat stroking her hair in order to try and convince her body to rest. neither of them had anyone else to take care of them, so had taken it upon themselves to be that person for the other. 

“now, i’m gonna go tell voight that i’m taking you home before you infect this whole office.” before he could object, she had already ran (not literally but jay was impressed by her speed walking) to her boss’ office. knocking on the door, with a sweet smile and a sea of words running off her tongue so quickly that voight had to agree just to shut her up, y/n returned by his side. “come on, germ face, your carriage awaits.” 

“you know i love it when you talk dirty to me, y/l/n.” winking at her, y/n giggled as she supported him back down the stairs and out of the station. the two chatted away, y/n explaining how she thought al was secretly a sociopath and jay filing her in on the newest instalment of his apartment block drama until they pulled up in front of jay’s apartment building. 

as they walked through the door, jay’s arm resting around y/n’s shoulders as he struggled to find strength, they managed to reach the sofa before y/n’s body gave up. both of them letting out large breathes before looking at each other and falling into laughter. 

“you hungry, i could try making your mom’s soup?” y/n asked, as she pushed herself up to look down at the man. her hair falling down around her face and tickling jay’s skin. “i’m sure it won’t be as good as her’s but i’m willing to give it a try.” 

the way she was sat with the large window gleaming light behind her, y/n almost looked like an angel. her eyes and smile were wide, with her beauty wrapping its hands around jay’s neck squeezing until his head felt light and he nearly reached up to touch her porcelain skin. but jay had noticed the sensation way before he was blocked up with a cold.

“yeah, uh, that sounds nice.” jay agreed with a minimal amount of sass, but y/n didn’t seem to notice as she moved off the cushions and towards the kitchen. she had pretty much memorised the recipe when jay had finally given it to her on her birthday after offering to pay for it multiple times. whizzing around the kitchen, she was too busy to notice the tired eyes admiring her from afar. 

jay wished his mom was alive to see the woman that she would have loved. all the times he had brought girls back to his family when he was younger didn’t add up to an ounce of the beauty and power that y/n held in her middle finger. the way she bit back at his wit, but also had the ability to spot when he was upset from the other side of the city. she was everything her mother wanted in a daughter in law, everything she wanted for her little boy. 

“okay, give me your honest opinion. i can take it i promise.” y/n sudden appeared with a tray that held a large bowl of the semi-thick orange liquid, a glass of water and a couple pills. approaching jay, she carefully helped him up from where he laid and placed it onto his lap. “actually that was a complete lie, do not tell me the truth. i may just cry.” 

“why thank you, nurse y/l/n.” he teased.

“it’s doctor actually.” she quipped back.

jay chuckled lowly, as he grabbed the spoon and took a large spoonful to his mouth. feeling the slight sting of his tongue at the heat, it was only when the flavours hit that he was suddenly transported to an earlier time in his life. a simpler time. only this time there was y/n by his side. 

“the verdict?” she prompted, taking a seat besides him, pulling her knees up to her chest. 

“not sure whether i want to tell you, don’t think you’ll fit in this room if your ego grows any bigger.” y/n grinned as she leaned over to press a kiss against his shoulder. jay closed his eyes at the contact, feeling the ache in his body freeze for a moment as it registered the tingling sensation. “all jokes aside, it really is good.” 

“i’m glad, your mother was a smart woman.” she nodded, leaning forward to turn tv on. jay continued to spoon the soup into his mouth, as y/n chose a show that they both had started together and had refused to watch another minute without the other. y/n leaned back making herself comfortable, having already texted voight telling him that she would most likely need the entire day off, and getting the go ahead, she had no plans other than being by jay’s side for the next however many hours. 

it was sometime in the early evening and the tv continued to emit light, but neither jay nor y/n was paying any attention to the drama. jay, with his head on y/n lap, was leaning into her touch as her short, thin fingers ran through the dark strands that sprouted from his scalp. his body wrapped in a blanket that y/n had grabbed from his room, he felt completely at peace. 

“you know what, i think you are more bearable when you are at death’s door.” y/n joked quietly, as the forest green eyes were exposed back to her own. jay groaned in annoyance, realising that there was no sweet y/n without the sharped tongue y/n. a trait he adored, but at his own expense. 

“and to think i was starting to think you had gone soft on me, y/l/n.” he hummed, wishing he could forever have her giggle on repeat wherever he went, for the sound made goosebumps run down his neck and down his arms, like some kind of magic that only y/n possessed. 

“as much as i love you, i can’t risk my bad ass reputation for you.” 

although jay was sure it was just part of her banter, the moment the ‘i love you’ fell off her tongue, he found himself wide awake, unable to push past the feeling in his gut as it looped over again and again in his mind. y/n could see the conflict in his face, as he glanced up at her with something she had never noticed before. 

“you mean it?” he asked. 

“mean what?” confused, her fingers fell from his hair, making jay regret ever opening his mouth.

“do you really, you know, love me?” he knew he had committed too far to try and retreat. maybe he could blame it on the fact he couldn’t think straight, although she was like a lie detector that wouldn’t let such a bogus excuse pass. y/n blinked down at him, watching as he sat up to look at her with a hunger that needed to be addressed. swallowing the lump in her throat, y/n nodded.

“of course, you are one of my best friends, jay.” it was true, but it wasn’t the full truth, both of them knew that.

“i didn’t realise we had started lying to one another,” jay’s eyes were soft, as he reached to place his hand against her cheek, smiling as she slowly leaned into it. closing her eyes, she tried to find what direction she was looking for, but didn’t dare take the first step. without even thinking, jay jutted forward and captured her lips before they could form a single syllable. 

gently, but passionately, jay and y/n moved their lips against the others. the feeling was ever-growing as the kiss deepened and deepened until they had no choice to pull back, deprived of their ability to breath. as jay’s eyes came back into view, y/n, for the first time in her life, had lost the ability to form a sentence. 

“we just...” she began but it ran off quickly. jay chuckled.

“we did.”

the two sat in silence, examining the other one’s face until y/n found herself moving forward until she was sat in his lap, legs wrapped around his waist as she pressed her lips against his. just like before their bodies and minds were set ablaze with desire and what had remained unspoken for what felt like forever. jay had nearly completely forgotten about the illness that had put him in the care of the woman that he craved more than anything else the world had to offer. 

as their lips parted ways, suddenly the air had thinned and everything felt... normal. jay’s lips were unable to break out of the large grin mould that y/n had put them in, which was soon mirrored by the young woman. a small giggle escaping her lips.

“if i get whatever it is you have, i expect the exact same treatment.” 

“only for you, doctor y/l/n.”

[radioactive-earthshine]

In your opinion what are the must read issues of Impulse?

This was harder than it needed to be because it almost got to the point of being which issues are skippable because the fair majority of the series is amazing and reveals something interesting about Bart or his friends/family and almost all issues have just fantastic character interactions. But I slimmed my list down to a reasonable collection that I personally enjoyed and re-read frequently. #1-27 - the entirety of Waid's run. Focuses on Bart's acclimating and sets the foundations down for his series. There is a distinct tone in this run that is absent from the rest of the series which makes this part of his books unique and important. If you read nothing else of Impulse at least read these issues. #28 - introduces Cissie. This issue shows us the duality between Max's mentoring of Bart and his own brand of toughness vs. Bonnie's "mentoring" of her own daughter. #29 - this issue has A LOT in it. It is the one where Helen stands up for Bart and we see Max fail at communicating with an autistic coded child, also Preston is "shot" and it sets things up for a few issues as a main plot point. As a single issue I love it because it shows us VERY BLATANTLY that Bart does, in fact, despite what the narrator says, PLAN and think carefully when he needs to when people are in danger. It is also one of the few instances when he is shown thinking not using pictograms. #44 - Max is shot. This issue is the start of one of the main plot points of the legendary Mercury Falling story. #47 - Superboy and Superman guest star as Bart ponders his role as a hero and why shouldn't they as heroes just do more. Also we see that "Evil Eye" Wilfred Parker is not all that he appears and is having some doubt about if he is really set on doing the sorts of things he "needs to do" to be in a real gang.

#48 - The one where The Riddler shows up and Bart just foils him at every turn. Also Dr. Morlo and Max Mercury bicker like an old married couple throughout. #49 - This is the issue where Evil Eye gets sent to a "Reform School" that instead turned out to be a nightmare where he and the other kids sent there were being maliciously abused. This issue got to me because Bart went to many people he trusted an no one took him seriously.... until AFTER he left them. WTF? Wally makes a guest appearance as his father is the one who is running the reform the school. #50 - Cross over with Batman. Bart impresses Bruce as he helps him foil The Joker. It's just a fun issue. #51 -#53 - Thad Thawne's introduction, however in #51 it is just his narration that you are introduced to. #54 - Bart goes on a camping trip with his friends and once again we learn more about Evil Eye not being entirely what he claims to be. It's a bit of an emotional gut punch.

#58 - The issue in which Bart gets sick from the ring Thad punctured him with, ties into Mercury Falling. #62-#67 - The entire Mercury Falling arc plus the epilogue. Mandatory. The rest of the series enters its final chapters and the story telling is less episodic as stories are typically stretched over 3-4 issues instead to focus on events. It's harder to narrow down single issues as almost all issues are important. The chances are if you have read everything prior you're going to read the last arch. However the ones that stick out the most to me are; #77-81 - Bart's saga of dealing with PTSD due to having his scout die among other traumatic events such as losing Carol to time. :C #84-87 - Bart's transition into Jay's life as Max disappears along with the Bedlam incident. I like these as they expose Bart's longing for family as he deals with being shuffled around. #89 - The final issue. Really the whole series is amazing and I 10/10 recommend reading all of it but the above issues are ones that I personally just go back to frequently.