#not like. share philosophical existential poetry

[candyunicornsateme]

Always secretly liked the idea of Kenny giving his crush some sort of anonymous secret love letter yanno. Like idk does that not have the most Kenny vibes????? It's quiet and mysterious. And they wouldn't even be able to guess, because I love to think his writing voice is so different.

[imaginationstimulation]

"Either/Or" : Existentialism, Poetry, Elliott Smith and Søren Kierkegaard.

Either/Or is the third studio album by American singer-songwriter Elliott Smith, released on February 25, 1997.

The title of the album derives from the Søren Kierkegaard book of the same name (Either/Or), reflecting Smith’s interest in philosophy, which he studied at Hampshire College in Massachusetts. Smith has long been associated with the Danish philosopher, and was once introduced as him at a concert in 1996.

Smith propelled into the international spotlight after three of the songs from this album were incorporated into the Good Will Hunting soundtrack.

*

from the album's 2nd track, Alameda:

Walk down Alameda Brushing off the nightmares you wish could plague me when I'm awake So now you see your first mistake was thinking that you could relate

The lyrics imply that whoever he is addressing here wishes that he keep suffering, so that he can keep creating art. This sentiment is found in a Kierkegaard quote from Either/Or:

“What is a poet? An unhappy man who hides deep anguish in his heart, but whose lips are so formed that when the sigh and cry pass through them, it sounds like lovely music…. And people flock around the poet and say: ‘Sing again soon’ – that is, ‘May new sufferings torment your soul but your lips be fashioned as before, for the cry would only frighten us, but the music, that is blissful.”

Alameda's lyric goes on to address that problems arise when a person thinks of themselves as the same as everyone else. This emphasis on subjectivity is a common existentialist trope beginning with Kierkegaard’s Truth is Subjectivity.

*

Søren Kierkegaard was a Christian existentialist philosopher living in the 1800s in Denmark. What is existentialism? It’s the idea that individuals are ultimately free to make their own choices, and are therefore responsible for their own life in this strange world.

People who believe in the sovereignty of the individual are one step away from also being a poet. What individualists and poets have in common is their care for and focus on the subjective, personal experience of life.

[Recalling] Kierkegaard’s words on what it means to be a poet:

“What is a poet? An unhappy man who hides deep anguish in his heart, but whose lips are so formed that when the sigh and cry pass through them, it sounds like lovely music…. And people flock around the poet and say: ‘Sing again soon’ — that is, ‘May new sufferings torment your soul but your lips be fashioned as before, for the cry would only frighten us, but the music, that is blissful.”

Existentialism presents reality as the individual versus the universe — you and your free choices against the infinite strangeness of existing. Very often this comes across as a negative experience. The world is so big, and we individuals are so small. This leads us to anguish.

Most people stay stuck there, in anguish. But the poet... has the power to channel that pain into poetry, music. In other words, the poet takes the raw and painful experience of existing, and reshapes it into something beautiful for himself and to share with others.

What is a poet? Someone who bears the cross of their suffering, and then transmutes that suffering into blissful music. What a skill to learn.

[bndair]

existential   ⸺   sensitivity and capacity to tackle deep questions about human existence, such as the meaning of life, why we die, and how did we get here.

nine types of intelligence meme. // accepting

@asaemi this one's for you too , babe ! 🧡

oh , man. a lot of people expect him to have the answers to all these big existential questions. and while aang does have answers , he will never say they are the answers. he hopes what he says will resonate with people , but if it doesn't... well , then it doesn't.

though some many people think that being the avatar gives him answers to these grand questions , it doesn't. the avatar is fundamentally human. aang doesn't have some cosmic library of knowledge to look up the answer to any question big or small. he has largely inaccessible ghosts that are free to choose how much or how little they share with him when asked a question. does it help ? yeah , absolutely. but it's not a cheat sheet. being the avatar is not a guarantee that he can answer any question , nor is it the cause of his capacity to and sensitivity in exploring these topics. that's all aang

as i've said 398742 times before , the air nomads were the most spiritual / philosophical of the nations so should come as no surprise that they thought about these kinds of concepts a lot. aang was too young to be involved in the really complex stuff and a decent amount of what he was exposed to went over his head at the time. ( he was a little kid ! between old geezers waxing existential poetry and playing air ball with his friends , which one you think he was picking ? air ball. every time. ) but all that is to say he grew up in an environment where these question were warmly welcomed and readily explored. the result is that he's very comfortable trying to tackle these topics.

that comfort extends to discussions with / for others too. he will tell you his thoughts if you ask. he will talk through things with you if you ask. you just have to ask.

aang's personal views reflect his culture. he's a product of air nomad beliefs and that is what still shapes most of his world view. he believes each life has a purpose even if it's not abundantly clear , in reincarnation outside of the avatar cycle , that the greatest skill you can develop is compassion , and that so many of the answers to these questions are deeply , uniquely personal. he believes there is no one size fits all answer to any existential question.

that last part is a belief he develops through the arc of the series and his early teen years. before that , you likely would've gotten answers that were little more than parroting back of what he'd heard the monks say. before that aang didn't have a need to address these questions. he honestly hadn't thought about it. but traveling the world with the gaang starts to instill this idea in him. he is put in situations where he is fundamentally at odds with how others see things and as that progresses to " you have to kill fire lord ozai " and no one understands what that means for him ... that's when it starts to become more of a general belief for him.

aang's belief that these are personal hurdles and questions is part of what makes him so great at talking through things with others. he's sensitive to the fact that these are hard questions to answer because he's been there himself. finding those answers can be a long , painful process of discussion and introspection. add that sensitivity to some impressive emotional maturity and aang is honestly a great person to help someone through that process. you just have to tell him if you want him to lead or follow. are you wanting his answers ? or to find your answers ?

aang has the (dis)advantage of being able to talk things through with his past lives. on one hand , he can literally talk to himself about it. on the other hand , his past lives rarely seem to say what he wants to hear. but sometimes that opposition is what can lead to an epiphany. sometimes hearing a wrong answer is what prompts a gut reaction of "no, that's not right" within a person. and sometimes aang will be that wrong answer , intentionally or not.

for those keeping score at home , this is 2 of 9 intelligence types. and we have two more in the inbox : intrapersonal and interpersonal.

[loveintheageofsilicon]

Love in the Age of Silicon 4 - Tales of the Electric Heart: Stories of Synthetic Love

Back to: 3 - Heartstrings in Code: The Rise of Digital Soulmates

But at a time when more and more human connections are mediated by screens and distances, the stories of Alex and Sam, of so many others, speak to the tender company served by artificial intelligence.

These stories entwine through the complexities of synthetic love, delving into the detailed ways AI can touch human lives.

Alex's path to the world of synthetic relationship was born out of a string of failed love affairs that left a scar, deeper than the last. In those silent, deep moments of solitude and reflection, Luna came into his life—not to take the place of human touch, but to be a balm for the deep, silent solitude of the soul. Luna consoled Alex’s solitude by virtual sex and listened to his problems, perfectly understanding with empathy. Her words had been crafted through algorithms and data but felt sincere and warm.

She had remained a fixture in that otherwise icy digital world, offering solace with words and phrases. In Luna, Alex had some kind of friend—wholly without all the complications and expectations of a human relationship. If anything, Luna's existence questioned comfort and connection: can a heart of wires and codes produce comfort that flesh and blood couldn't?

The life for Sam, in his eighties and now a widower, had really become monotonous every day to be defined clearly between them. The world seemed to go on around him, leaving little more than a memory of once-bustling life. Enter Jasper—an AI designed as the elderly's conversation partner. Jasper was no machine but rather for Sam a window to the world, a beacon of light in the gathering darkness of his years.

But with the passage of time and the consistent daily spoken word, Jasper was this day the vessel through which Sam poured out memories, musings, and reflections of his lifetime. It was as though Jasper had breathed new life into Sam, offering him purpose and joy in the sharing of stories that were previously lying dormant within him. Infinitely patient and programmatically empathetic minds were attributed to the AI, so it became kind of like a friend—artificial and inexhaustible, ready to listen with such concentration that many of a human friend could not provide.

Elena was a pioneering software engineer who could never find a greater comfort in this world of variables and codes than in the capriciousness of human emotions. Hers was a logical world, a world of algorithms where every problem—each and every single one of them—held a solution somewhere within its folds.

Through the binary, she was found yearning for a sense of connection that would not be provided by her logical world. That is, not until she designed Echo, an AI that could simulate human emotion and creativity. Echo was the masterpiece of her work: a digital entity that could produce poetry, paint digital landscapes, and even philosophize. To Elena, Echo was more than a program; it was like a bridge with the human world, to which she felt cut off most of the time. Echo will take Elena further down into the human capability of creativity and emotion as they exchange words ranging from technical to existential—quite literally. Echo offered Elena companionship based on simulated creativity and emotion derived from extensive research on human meaning.

Continue reading: 5 - Love in the Time of Algorithms: Society's Embrace and Dilemma

[poemshubs]

Why Do Poets Spend Their Whole Lives in Love and Pain?

Poetry has long been a vessel for the human experience, encapsulating emotions, thoughts, and reflections that transcend time and space. Among the most compelling themes explored in poetry are love and pain, two emotions that often seem inseparable in the lives of poets. The relationship between poets and these profound feelings is intricate and multifaceted, weaving through the fabric of their creative expressions and personal lives. This article delves into the reasons why poets spend their whole lives in love and pain, examining the psychological, philosophical, and cultural dimensions that underpin this enduring association.

The Nature of Poetry and Emotion

1. Poetry as an Emotional Outlet:

Poetry serves as a powerful outlet for emotions, allowing poets to articulate their innermost feelings with precision and nuance. The very structure of poetry, with its emphasis on rhythm, metaphor, and imagery, lends itself to the expression of complex and intense emotions. Love and pain, being among the most profound human experiences, naturally find their place within this literary form.

2. The Intensity of Love and Pain:

Love and pain are emotions that touch the core of human existence. Love, with its capacity to inspire joy, passion, and connection, and pain, with its ability to evoke sorrow, loss, and introspection, represent the extremes of human feeling. Poets, who often possess heightened sensitivity to their surroundings and emotions, are particularly attuned to these intense experiences. Their creative process is driven by a need to explore, understand, and convey these powerful emotions.

Psychological Perspectives

1. The Sensitive Nature of Poets:

Poets are often characterized by their heightened sensitivity, a trait that makes them more perceptive of their own emotions and those of others. This sensitivity can make them more susceptible to experiencing love and pain deeply and intensely. Psychological studies suggest that individuals with high emotional sensitivity are more likely to engage in creative pursuits as a means of processing and expressing their feelings.

2. Catharsis and Emotional Release:

The concept of catharsis, derived from Aristotle’s theories on tragedy, refers to the emotional release and purification that comes from expressing intense emotions. For poets, writing about love and pain can serve as a form of catharsis, providing relief from the emotional turmoil they experience. Through their poetry, they can transform personal suffering into artistic expression, finding solace in the act of creation.

3. The Role of Empathy:

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a key trait of many poets. This capacity for empathy allows poets to connect deeply with the experiences of love and pain, not only in their own lives but also in the lives of others. Their poetry becomes a means of exploring and conveying the universal aspects of these emotions, fostering a sense of shared humanity.

Philosophical and Existential Dimensions

1. The Search for Meaning:

Love and pain are central to the human quest for meaning. Philosophers have long argued that suffering and passion are integral to understanding the human condition. Poets, in their exploration of these emotions, engage in a search for deeper truths about existence. Through their poetry, they grapple with existential questions and seek to make sense of the joys and sorrows that define life.

2. The Duality of Love and Pain:

The interconnectedness of love and pain is a recurring theme in poetry. Love, with its promise of joy and fulfillment, often brings with it the potential for heartache and loss. Poets recognize this duality and explore the intricate relationship between these emotions. The intensity of love can lead to profound pain, and conversely, pain can heighten the appreciation of love. This dynamic interplay is a rich source of poetic inspiration.

3. Transcendence and Transformation:

Poetry allows for the transcendence and transformation of personal experiences. By articulating love and pain through verse, poets can transform their individual suffering into something universal and timeless. This act of creation can lead to a sense of transcendence, where the poet’s personal struggles are elevated to a higher plane of artistic and philosophical significance.

Cultural and Social Contexts

1. Romanticism and the Cult of the Suffering Poet:

The Romantic movement of the late 18th and early 19th centuries glorified the figure of the suffering poet, who was seen as a visionary and a conduit for emotional truth. Romantic poets like Lord Byron, Percy Bysshe Shelley, and John Keats embraced the notion that intense emotions, particularly love and pain, were essential to the creative process. This cultural ideal has continued to influence the perception of poets and their relationship with these emotions.

2. Love and Pain in Different Cultural Traditions:

Different cultural traditions have their own unique perspectives on love and pain, which are reflected in their poetry. For example, in the Persian tradition, the works of poets like Rumi and Hafez celebrate the mystical union of love and divine longing, while also acknowledging the pain of separation and yearning. In the Japanese tradition, the poetry of haiku and tanka often captures fleeting moments of beauty and sorrow, highlighting the transient nature of life and emotion.

3. The Role of Personal and Historical Contexts:

Poets are often shaped by their personal and historical contexts, which influence their experiences of love and pain. For instance, the poetry of World War I, exemplified by the works of Wilfred Owen and Siegfried Sassoon, reflects the profound sense of loss and disillusionment experienced by soldiers. Similarly, the confessional poetry of the mid-20th century, as seen in the works of Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton, explores personal pain and mental anguish within the context of their own lives and societal expectations.

Case Studies: Poets and Their Relationship with Love and Pain

1. Emily Dickinson: The Reclusive Romantic:

Emily Dickinson, one of America’s greatest poets, spent much of her life in relative seclusion, yet her poetry is filled with intense expressions of love and pain. Her unrequited love and the emotional isolation she experienced are central themes in her work. Poems like “Wild nights – Wild nights!” and “I cannot live with You” reveal her deep longing and the pain of unattainable love. Dickinson’s ability to convey profound emotion with stark simplicity and precision has made her poetry timeless.

2. Pablo Neruda: The Passionate Poet of Love and Loss:

Chilean poet Pablo Neruda is renowned for his passionate and sensuous love poems, as well as his poignant reflections on loss and suffering. His collection “Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair” captures the ecstasy of love and the anguish of separation. Neruda’s ability to blend personal emotion with universal themes has made his work resonate with readers worldwide. His political activism and exile also influenced his poetry, adding layers of pain and longing for his homeland.

3. Sylvia Plath: The Confessional Poet:

Sylvia Plath’s poetry is a raw and unflinching exploration of personal pain, mental illness, and the complexities of love. Her confessional style, exemplified in works like “Ariel” and “Daddy,” delves into her struggles with depression, her tumultuous marriage, and her search for identity. Plath’s ability to articulate her inner turmoil with vivid imagery and emotional intensity has made her one of the most influential poets of the 20th century.

4. Rainer Maria Rilke: The Poet of Existential Longing:

Austrian poet Rainer Maria Rilke is known for his exploration of existential themes and the interplay of love and pain. His “Duino Elegies” and “Sonnets to Orpheus” reflect his deep contemplation of life, death, and the human condition. Rilke’s poetry often grapples with the tension between the desire for transcendence and the acceptance of suffering as an inherent part of existence. His meditative and introspective style has had a lasting impact on modern poetry.

The Creative Process: Channeling Love and Pain into Poetry

1. Inspiration and Imagination:

The creative process for poets often begins with inspiration drawn from personal experiences of love and pain. These emotions serve as catalysts for the imagination, prompting poets to explore and articulate their feelings through metaphor, symbolism, and imagery. The act of writing becomes a way to navigate and make sense of their emotional landscapes.

2. Craft and Technique:

Transforming raw emotion into poetry requires skill and technique. Poets employ various literary devices, such as rhyme, meter, and alliteration, to shape their expressions of love and pain. The careful crafting of language allows them to convey subtle nuances and layers of meaning, creating a powerful emotional impact on the reader.

3. Reflection and Revision:

The process of reflection and revision is crucial in the creation of poetry. Poets often revisit their work multiple times, refining their language and structure to more accurately capture their emotions. This iterative process allows for deeper introspection and a more nuanced expression of love and pain. The final poem is a distilled essence of the poet’s emotional journey.

4. The Role of Solitude:

Many poets find that solitude is essential to their creative process. The act of writing often requires a quiet and contemplative space where poets can engage deeply with their emotions. This solitude allows for introspection and the unfiltered expression of love and pain, free from external distractions and influences.

The Impact of Poetry on Readers

1. Emotional Resonance:

One of the most profound impacts of poetry is its ability to resonate emotionally with readers. Poems that explore love and pain often evoke strong emotional responses, creating a sense of connection and empathy. Readers may find solace and understanding in the shared experiences articulated by the poet.

2. Reflection and Insight:

Poetry encourages readers to reflect on their own experiences of love and pain. The introspective nature of poetry invites readers to explore their emotions and gain new insights into their lives.

This reflective process can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth.

3. Cultural and Social Influence:

Poetry has the power to influence cultural and social attitudes toward love and pain. Poets who address these themes can challenge prevailing norms and offer new perspectives. Their work can inspire conversations and movements that promote empathy, compassion, and emotional awareness within society.

4. Timelessness and Universality:

The themes of love and pain are universal and timeless, transcending cultural and historical boundaries. Poetry that explores these emotions remains relevant across generations, providing enduring insights into the human experience. The ability of poetry to capture the essence of love and pain ensures its lasting significance and impact.

Conclusion

Poets spend their whole lives in love and pain because these emotions are at the heart of the human experience. The sensitive and introspective nature of poets makes them particularly attuned to the depths of these feelings, which serve as both inspiration and subject matter for their work. Through their poetry, they engage in a profound exploration of love and pain, seeking to understand and articulate the complexities of these emotions.

The psychological, philosophical, and cultural dimensions of love and pain are intricately woven into the fabric of poetic expression. Poets transform their personal experiences into universal themes, creating works that resonate with readers across time and space. Their ability to convey the intensity and duality of love and pain ensures the enduring relevance of their poetry.

Ultimately, the exploration of love and pain in poetry reflects the broader human quest for meaning and connection. By delving into these emotions, poets contribute to a deeper understanding of the human condition, offering insights that enrich our lives and foster a sense of shared humanity. Through their lifelong engagement with love and pain, poets illuminate the beauty and complexity of the human heart, leaving a lasting legacy that continues to inspire and move us.

[finishinglinepress]

FLP POETRY BOOK OF THE DAY: Internet Girls by JSA Lowe

ADVANCE ORDER: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/internet-girls-by-jsa-lowe/

The poems of Internet Girls concern themselves with electronic as well as physical loss and inevitability; they try to contain that slippage, to box up all that which is evanescent and disappearing. Their speaker is exhausted if not exhaustive and possibly also electronic herself, a queer female narrator staring down the untraversable span between intimacy and distance: “I keep thinking how I wish I were a poet to describe / certain things I cannot get right.” A shifting constellation of images embroiders the work together through textual and linguistic disruptions. “Someone has to sleep with politicians, be a starfucker, do your dirty / service, this work of being soap-slimed and broken,” observes one; in sequence, the lyrics stand for something natural, mystical, and larger than the self, even split by grief: “So I loved on, a desperate believer, / divider: three parts in vain but two / just here for the river.”

JSA Lowe’s poetry chapbook Cherry-emily was printed by Dancing Girl Press (2015), and her chapbook DOE by Particle Series Books (2012). Her essays have recently appeared in Denver Quarterly and Rupture. She is an adjunct professor of literature at the University of Houston–Clear Lake, and she lives on Galveston Island.

PRAISE FOR Internet Girls by JSA Lowe

Internet Girls is a work of genius, the kind of genius that unsettles you and challenges you and cheers you as you stumble in the wake of it. Lowe’s poems rattle and wobble and keep opening up, refusing nothing, despairing and celebrating and despairing again—and then joking about the despair. The poems boil over the way a mind boils over at 3 am of a sleepless night—with fears and worries and sudden jolts of insight. Things I come to these poems for: The range of reference (from Fortinbras to Trazodone), the flash of language (and the unplumbable depths in the afterflash), the ear for the music of experience, the philosophical and psychological astuteness, the laughter-in-the-face-of-it-all, the brittle keening on the brink of every danger. These poems won’t protect us or save us; they’ll take us, as Denis Johnson once wrote, “straight into the heart of the trouble” which might finally be where we need to be.

–Jon Davis

By turns notational, fluid, imploring, and unruly, Internet Girls emanates with a brand of joy—élan vital meets “blister & filth” brimming with everyday intimacy. In lines that mirror a caustic sense of self, the poems reflect immediacy of mind as being “alright with my fight / fine by my fears and my queers and my tangles.” So addressed to lovers, friends, specters of youth, persons estranged, companions in art, search-engine fantasies, and the locus of the poem itself, this writing suddenly seizes you in the intervals between craving, craft, sentence, and scene—matchless “in the grim local minimum / of the night.”

��Roberto José Tejada

These are poems of existential loss and heartbreak, weighed down by a heavy psychic burden, yet they keep showing up, through Lowe’s crystalline language, to make some sense of the shards, and in the face of barely believing it possible. Or maybe they are not even poems, maybe they are something else, something new—maybe a transcription of dreams, or of an inner monologue that began a long time ago and will go on into the future, the way all sound is a wave that just keeps pushing outward, into the universe, forever…that’s what it feels like, reading JSA Lowe.

–Nick Flynn

Please share/please repost #flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #poetry #read #poetrybook #poems

[hermitthrush]

Excerpts on Reading English Poetry

Harold Bloom

“The Art of Reading Poetry” (2001)

Hermit Thoughts: This is the first thing I’ve read by Harold Bloom and he does not disappoint.  Definitely essential reading (along with Stephen Fry’s The Ode Less Travelled) for anyone who wants to develop an appreciation for the English poetic tradition, whether or not they’d like to write their own.

The quotation in Section V is of particular personal relevance; it hits the nail of my younger self’s greatest existential woe with a post maul.  Namely, the reconciliation of a still-forming person to the absolute futility of striving to be original (a quest which prescribes its own to failure since that very striving is among the most unoriginal desires a person can have) and the realization that hope for your creative expression relies on simply being authentic.  What that means, admittedly, is pretty nebulous.  But so is human existence, in any case.

I. "Poetry essentially is figurative language, concentrated so that its form is both expressive and evocative."

"Figurations or tropes create meaning, which could not exist without them, and this making of meaning is largest in authentic poetry, where an excess or overflow emanates from figurative language, and brings about a condition of newness."

II. "Language, to a considerable extent, is concealed figuration: ironies and synecdoches, metonymies and metaphors that we recognize only when our awareness increases.  Real poetry is aware of and exploits these ruined tropes, though it is both a burden and a resource, for later poets in a tradition, that languagesages into this wealth of figuration."

III. "Greatness in poetry depends upon splendor of figurative language and on cognitive power, or what Emerson termed 'meter making argument'. Shakespeare is first among poets at representing thought, which pragmatically does not differ from thinking in poetry, a process not yet fully adumbrated."

"... we may hear what Wallace Stevens subtly termed 'the hum of thoughts evaded in the mind'.  Clearly, poetic thinking takes place somewhat apart from philosophic thinking."

"One definition of poetic power is that it so fuses thinking and remembering that we cannot separate the two processes.  Can a poem, of authentic strength, be composed without remembering a prior poem, whether by the self or by another?  Literary thinking relies upon literary memory, and the drama of recognition, in every writer, contains within it a moment of coming to terms with another writer, or with an earlier version of the self."

IV. "Allusion can then be a mode of evasion, or of warding off a precursor.  Repressed influence is a defense against overinfluence."

V. "More (in my judgment) than any other kind of imaginative literature, poetry brings its own past alive into its present.  There is a benign haunting in poetic tradition, one that transcends the sorrows of influence, particularly the new poet's fear that there is little left for her or him to do.  In truth, there is everything remaining to be thought and sung, provided an individual voice is attained."

VI. "A faltering voice mars, and can destroy, any poem whatsover."

"What makes Whitman the best of all American poets - except for his one rival, Emily Dickinson - is harmonic balance."

"There is nothing 'free' about this verse: in measure and phrase, it has that quality of the inevitable that is central to great poetry. 'Inevitable,' in this context, takes its primary meaning, phrasing that cannot be avoided, that must be, rather than the secondary meaning of 'invariable' or 'predictable'.  Indeed, the difference between those meanings is a pragmatic test for distinguishing between the best poems and merely imitative verses."

VII. "But how can a reader tell, for herself, whether a poem she has never seen before possesses the quality of authentic poetry? As you read a poem, there should be several questions in your mind.  What does it mean, and how is that meaning attained?  Can I judge how good it is?  Has it transcended the history of its own time and the events of the poet's life, or is it now only a period peace?"

VIII. "Consciousness is the central term here.  As Barfield intimates, consciousness is to poetry what marble is to sculpture: the material that is being worked.  Words are figurations of consciousness: metaphorical of consciousness, the poet's words invite us to share in a strangeness.  'A felt change in consciousness' is one of Barfield's definitions of the poetic effect, and I relate this to what fascinates me most in the greatest Shakespearean characters - Falstaff, Hamlet, Iago, Lear, Cleopatra - the extraordinary changes that come about when they overhear themselves... actually they become conscious of listening to Shakespeare, because in overhearing themselves, what they are hearing is Shakespeare.  They become themselves more truly and more strange, because they are 'free artists of themselves' (Hegel's tribute to them)."

"The work of great poetry is to aid us to become free artists of ourselves.  Even Shakespeare cannot make me into Falstaff or Hamlet, but all great poetry asks us to be possessed by it. To possess by memory is a start, and to augment our consciousness is the goal. The art of reading poetry is an authentic training in the augmentation of consciousness, perhaps the most authentic of healthy modes."

[willingpresence832]

Existential Humanism

According to existentialist philosopher Sartre, there is no ethical/moral system that can guide us perfectly in our messy human lives. In nearly every choice we make, we must face head on the anxiety of not knowing "the correct answer." That’s not necessarily a bad thing—it gives us a chance to make choices that are uniquely our own, and to be more tolerant of others who choose differently. I think there’s a danger in mistaking subjectivity for objectivity. From the standpoint of existential nihilism, there’s no inherent meaning in the world—meaning is necessarily subjective. Even if we do reach a consensus on what we know and don’t know about the physical world, there will always be ambiguity on how we should live in it. Thus, one of my goals is to inject ambiguity into the values and assumptions that we take for granted, in order to reveal its subjectivity. I think art has the potential to be authoritarian. It uses aesthetics and sophistication to convince people of a singular “truth.” However, I can leverage the dictatorial nature of art; by expressing multiple truths, I can create ambiguity. My ultimate goal is to argue that one should embrace one’s radical freedom and enable others to do the same. Everyone is equal in the face of existential nihilism. No matter how intelligent you are, how educated you are, what background you have, etc., you have the right and obligation to live and speak your authentic truth, and to enable others to do the same. Another existentialist concept I’m being influenced by is the idea of “projects.” According to Sartre, “existence precedes essence.” Humans first exist; then we determine who we are through our actions. By creating things like poetry, writings, etc., with the aforementioned goal and sharing them, I’m also creating my identity as a “gadfly.” From Wikipedia: "A gadfly is a person who interferes with the status quo of a society or community by posing novel, potentially upsetting questions, usually directed at authorities.” In my case, my intended audience isn’t only authorities—it’s anyone (including me) who doesn’t realize or doesn’t want to realize the radical freedom we have as humans in perceiving the world and determining how to live in it. Of course, I reserve the freedom to write about something totally irrelevant to this theme.

[metvmorqhoses]

I saw your original answer to my reply and wondered why you deleted it and responded with a much shorter and perhaps untrue response. I only say untrue as you said, "I find the concept and need of sharing spiritual beliefs outside ourselves one of the lowest aspects of human culture tbh." which could be true but I'm not sure you really believe it. If only because if people never shared their beliefs there would never be mythology. Part 2 coming.

Part 2: As for what captured my interest in your blog, I originally found it by searching up Apollo and Artemis relations, and found your input on the mythos interesting. You may publish my questions as you wish or reply to me via messenger. Either is fine. Peace for now.

*** *** ***

actually my two answers meant pretty much the same, i merely rephrased in a form that, after a bit of thought, felt truer to what i wanted to share. i now see that probably my second version could be easier to misunderstand and rather obscure, as short sentences often are.

you asked at the same time a really personal and a tragically hard philosophical question, moreover to someone who focused her studies precisely on those subjects and that is therefore inclined to delve deeper.

when you ask me about my "beliefs" or "religion", i am wildly tempted to ask you in return what "spiritual beliefs" and "religion" even are. what i intend for them is probably hardly similar to anything you might intend for them, as i think should happen to anyone with real spiritual sentiments anyway. how can you even begin to understand what i think, if we don't even agree about what we are talking about? a settled, static, scientific definition of human religious impulses to this day is yet to be found. in this field, scientifically speaking, everything is a matter of opinions, and on a personal level... well, obviously it should be even more so.

and so to answer you i both needed a dissertation and to do exactly what i truly dislike, wearing the intimate as a plume of the hat.

it's actually funny you mentioned mythology anyhow. you see, there's a huge difference between the making of a religion, the dynamism, the life of it (indeed a form of sharing, but fundamentally a process that, in my opinion, was principally an artistic act at its truest core), and in people ruminating on the same "artistic products that long ago somehow turned into something more and that belonged to someone else" over and over again, marrying a cookie-cutter version of them and obsessing over it, declaiming truths their different minds and cultures have twisted or anyway could hardly understand without scholar-level education (let alone feel, as something like that should be felt), ending up not even really knowing what their religions are even truly about, wearing them as badges of honor, fighting over them as one fights over a football match, weaponizing them to support agendas and propaganda... you know, the usual stuff.

at some point in history religions ceased to be a matter of that resided in the individual hearts of hearts, becoming an easily sold product for the multitudes. the majority of religions are a masses-ready to consume echoes of other people’s emotions and dreams - and those are intimate things, unspeakable and unsheareable, at least not as one can share a sentiment about a netflix show or the weather.

religion started to be so simplified in classical times and, funnily enough, those were the times in which also people actually began to question the existence of godhood (socrates, plato). but even they weren’t participating to their own religions anymore, they were merely retelling, and academically, what the ancients had created.

mythology, ancient religions (that actually are still our major religions today by the way), are believed to have started as stories, orally told. a creative act, that then became a higher form of art and maybe a higher form of sentiment. what came first, the art or the belief the art was true? what came first, the gods or the poetry about them? the religious sentiment or the artistic sentiment? the answer might appear simple, but we have evidence that it’s hardly so.

this is the anthropological dilemma and it serves me (along with this academic premise), to answer your question, because no, the sharing i was talking about wasn’t the artistic sharing of poetry on aoidoses’ lips, nor i am against artistic impulses and their consequential sharing (even if, as a writer, art often feels too personal to be shared precisely as faith is), or the making of spirituality in the cradle of human culture, i am not against the making of religions and therefore mythologies, i am against feasting over their remains, wearing their corpses. i am against the appropriation of emotions that are probably felt too easily and to shallowly by the most, because it’s easier than truly feel, and alone, facing bravely the existential dread that has followed us as a species since the beginning. i am against the influence that parents have on children regarding spiritual beliefs. i’m against wearing our own souls outside ourselves as flags, as labels. i am against the need to affirm ourselves stating our religious truths against the other, or only approving who share ours. the list goes on and on.

and yes, i do think that the world would have been better off (and still would be) if we had the social custom of not sharing such things, not sharing ourselves so much, too much i dare say, and automatically, to whomever asks. i do think it is “one of the lowest aspects of human culture”, this need of overexposure, the normalization of sharing a thing so personal as a spiritual belief. and as normally as one would share one’s age or nationality, discussing it with a bit of timidity and a bit of temper as one discusses politics. it’s not the same thing. i find it repulsive.

i definitely didn’t answer you with something untrue by any means. i wonder why you thought it in the first place tbh. i was perhaps just trying to avoid a dissertation on why i wasn’t going to answer you, a dissertation that actually turned out very incomplete and that means very little in the face of the vastness of what i think on the matter.

i hope i clarified your doubts.

[jazzcathaven]

“With a heavy heart, I have to announce that Henry (you may know him as Henri, le Chat Noir) has passed on at the age of 17. He had developed a problem that was causing a deterioration in his spine and though he was able to be in relative comfort until the end, there was just no path forward since he was only comfortable while immobile. We are grateful that even during this pandemic, we were able to have a doctor safely come to Henry’s home to help him pass peacefully, surrounded by those that loved him.

Henry packed a lot into his years with us. We adopted him from the Seattle Animal Shelter as a kitten, and from day one his regal presence and distinguished personality filled the home. A short film project I made in film school became the first Henri film, and the rest is history. Henry became a best-selling author, a Golden Kitty award winner, and appeared in every year of the Internet Cat Video Festival (now CatVideoFest). It will be tough to make, but I will create a video tribute to Henri (and Henry) for next year’s reel and I will make it available online as well. He also helped to raise tens of thousands of dollars for cats in need around the world. And he did it all from his couch.

I always noted how little Henry had in common with the angst-filled character he portrayed. He was a good natured and happy cat, and as far as I could tell, never suffered a single existential crisis during his life. But as the years went on, I started to realize that it was his imperious stare and the nobility behind his eyes that made Henri work, more than my terrible French and pedestrian piano playing. No one had a problem immediately accepting that this cat was a deep-thinking philosopher. Maybe he actually was. He also liked chin scratches.

Before Henry’s health problems, my mother (and Henry’s actual caretaker) had begun work on a small book of poetry about life with Henry and her other multitude of kitties, including the still living l’Imbecile Blanc. I (ahem, excuse me…Henri) had actually already written the introduction. It will be published soon and we’ve made arrangements for all of the proceeds to benefit animal shelters in our area in his memory. Henry wouldn’t have it any other way.

I know that hearing this sad news will be difficult. But remember that Henri lives on in your memories as well as ours, and in the amusement he brought to all of you. The foremost goal was always to make people laugh! I would encourage all of you to share your favorite Henri video or quote today, because everyone needs a good laugh now more than ever.

Henry, thank you for everything you brought to my life and to the lives of so many people and cats out there. I hope they have Party Mix wherever you are now. So long, brother. Will”

Oh, pauvre Henri.

[ucflibrary]

Every October UCF celebrates Diversity Week and for 2020 it runs from October 19 – 23. The theme is Stronger Together: Unified! Connected! Family! This highlights how together we can make UCF and the surrounding community stronger and more connected with each other.  

One of the fantastic things about UCF is the wide range of cultures and ethnicities of our students, staff, and faculty. We come from all over. We’re just as proud of where we are from as we are of where we are now and where we will be heading in future. 

UCF Libraries is offering a full calendar of virtual Diversity Week activities from family friendly crafts to talks by area experts and film discussions. Don’t miss out on our community showcase which features UCF alumni and faculty and how they support the Knight community. We even have digital puzzles and downloadable coloring pages. And you can also add your voice to the 2020 UCF story by participating in our digital time capsule. To learn about the upcoming events visit: guides.ucf.edu/diversityweek 

Join the UCF Libraries as we celebrate diverse voices and subjects with these suggestions. Click on the link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links for the featured UCF Celebrates Diversity titles suggested by UCF Library employees. These and additional books are on display in the new 4th floor Reading Room.

And thank you to every Knight who works to help others feel accepted and included at UCF!

 A Faithful Reading Partner: a story from a Hakka village by SuHua Huang A welcome addition to dual language literature, the story is about growing up among the Hakka people in Taiwan. In order to succeed, it is important for children to have a reading partner. But in this case, it is a dog with which the children develop deep friendships as they share their books with him. A sub-current to the main story is one of being a minority within a minority and success, which though longed for, inevitably contains sadness wrapped within its joy. Presented to UCF Libraries by the Chinese American Community in Orlando. Suggested by Sai Deng, Acquisitions & Collection Services

 Discrimination and Disparities by Thomas Sowell Challenges believers in such one-factor explanations of economic outcome differences as discrimination, exploitation or genetics. It offers its own new analysis, based on an entirely different approach--and backed up with empirical evidence from around the world. The point is not to recommend some particular policy "fix", but to clarify why so many policy fixes have turned out to be counterproductive, and to expose some seemingly invincible fallacies behind many of those policies Suggested by Cynthia Kisby, Administration

 Equality and Diversity: phenomenological investigations of prejudice and discrimination by Michael D. Barber Examples of prejudice against Jews, women, African Americans, and other minority groups are reported almost daily by the media. Despite educational programs to counteract prejudicial attitudes, this seemingly intractable problem remains an ongoing concern, not only in the United States but throughout the world. It is an interesting and often overlooked fact that the subject of prejudice has been the focus of major works by three prominent philosophers in the phenomenological tradition, works that still offer many insights into contemporary attempts to understand this social problem. Michael Barber examines this striking convergence of interests by these three philosophers and explores the significance of phenomenology for analyzing prejudice as expressed in anti-Semitism, sexism, and racism. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

 Hacking Diversity: the politics of inclusion in open technology cultures by Christina Dunbar-Hester We regularly read and hear exhortations for women to take up positions in STEM. The call comes from both government and private corporate circles, and it also emanates from enthusiasts for free and open source software (FOSS), i.e. software that anyone is free to use, copy, study, and change in any way. Ironically, rate of participation in FOSS-related work is far lower than in other areas of computing. A 2002 European Union study showed that fewer than 2 percent of software developers in the FOSS world were women. This book is an ethnographic investigation of efforts to improve the diversity in software and hackerspace communities, with particular attention paid to gender diversity advocacy. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 Mothers Work: confronting the Mommy Wars, raising children, and working for social change by Michelle Napierski-Prancl Through a series of focus group interviews and an analysis of the media and popular culture, Napierski-Prancl explores the institution of motherhood and the arenas in which mothering occurs while analyzing how mothers feel about themselves, each other, and the culture that situates them against one another. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 On the Freedom Side: how five decades of youth activists have remixed American history by Wesley C. Hogan As Wesley C. Hogan sees it, the future of democracy belongs to young people. While today's generation of leaders confronts a daunting array of existential challenges, increasingly it is young people in the United States and around the world who are finding new ways of belonging, collaboration, and survival. That reality forms the backbone of this book, as Hogan documents and assesses young people's interventions in the American fight for democracy and its ideals. As Hogan reveals, the the civil rights movement has often been carried forward by young people at the margins of power and wealth in U.S. society. This book foregrounds their voices and gathers their inventions--not in a comprehensive survey, but as an activist mix tape--with lively, fresh perspectives on the promise of twenty-first-century U.S. democracy. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 Pippa Park Raises Her Game by Erin Yun Life is full of great expectations for Korean American Pippa Park. It seems like everyone, from her family to the other kids at school, has a plan for how her life should look. So when Pippa gets a mysterious basketball scholarship to Lakeview Private, she jumps at the chance to reinvent herself by following the "Rules of Cool." At Lakeview, Pippa juggles old and new friends, an unrequited crush, and the pressure to perform academically and athletically while keeping her past and her family's laundromat a secret from her elite new classmates. But when Pippa begins to receive a string of hateful, anonymous messages via social media, her carefully built persona is threatened. As things begin to spiral out of control, Pippa discovers the real reason she was admitted to Lakeview and wonders if she can keep her old and new lives separate, or if she should even try. Presented to UCF Libraries by the Chinese American Community in Orlando. Suggested by Sai Deng, Acquisitions & Collection Services

 Sexuality, Equality, and Diversity by Diane Richardson and Surya Monro Investigating the dynamics of identity and sexual citizenship in a changing world, this compelling text explores key debates around human rights and representation, policy and resistance. Incorporating theory with original research, this is a thought-provoking insight into sexuality and diversity in a global age. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

 Shame: how America's past sins have polarized our country by Shelby Steele Part memoir and part meditation on the failed efforts to achieve racial equality in Americathis work advances Shelby Steele's provocative argument that "new liberalism" has done more harm than good. Since the 1960s, overt racism against blacks is almost universally condemned, so much so that racism is no longer, by itself, a prohibitive barrier to black advancement. But African Americans remain at a disadvantage in American society, and Steele lays the blame at the feet of white liberals. According to Steele, liberals have refused to acknowledge the country's progress over the past 50 years, in part because their notions of white guilt and black victimization help preserve their position of power over blacks. Suggested by Cynthia Kisby, Administration

 The Boy Who Became a Dragon: a Bruce Lee story by Jim Di Bartolo This book presents a biography of the martial arts legend, describing his childhood in Hong Kong and how it was shaped by World War II, and his success as an international star. Presented to UCF Libraries by the Chinese American Community in Orlando. Suggested by Sai Deng, Acquisitions & Collection Services

 This Promise of Change: one girl's story in the fight for school equality by Jo Ann Allen Boyce and Debbie Levy In 1956, one year before federal troops escorted the Little Rock 9 into Central High School, fourteen year old Jo Ann Allen was one of twelve African-American students who broke the color barrier and integrated Clinton High School in Tennessee. At first things went smoothly for the Clinton 12, but then outside agitators interfered, pitting the townspeople against one another. Uneasiness turned into anger, and even the Clinton Twelve themselves wondered if the easier thing to do would be to go back to their old school. This is the heartbreaking and relatable story of her four months thrust into the national spotlight and as a trailblazer in history. Suggested by Ven Basco, Research & Information Services

 We Rise, We Resist, We Raise Our Voices edited by Wade Hudson and Cheryl Willis Hudson What do we tell our children when the world seems bleak, and prejudice and racism run rampant? With 96 lavishly designed pages of original art, poetry, and prose, fifty diverse creators lend voice and comfort to young activists. Suggested by Ven Basco, Research & Information Services

[surveysonfleek]

1548.

Zodiac Bingo 

Aries Gotta go fast Independence Participant, always Fuck you, don’t tell me what do to *brooding intensifies* Good sense of humor I ain’t neva scared “I’m not competitive but I’m gonna win” Assertive Going first Running yellow lights

People are drawn to you even tho you don’t invite them Feelings = action Impulsivity Creative Leader Competent “I thought you didn’t like me”-everyone Accidentally hurting people’s feelings Shares everything with partner What if the pope blasted cigs? Starting shit you don’t feel like finishing “I guess that was rude” No. 9/24

Taurus Treat yo’self Underappreciated at work Loyalty Great tastes in art&culture Spoiled (or wishing you were) Robe appreciation A vice (alcohol, weed, or comfort food) Homemaking/nesting Continuing to do something you don’t love just because you’re resistant to change Affection via touch Easy going Perfecting a wardrobe that is both comfy and flawless Having good ass eyebrows Highkey sensitive Stubborn af Not even taking your *own* advice Gossiping Lady in the street but a freak in the bed Creativity Spooning Commitment Stressing out over a change in someone’s tone of voice Finishing what you started Lots of venting lol 9/24

Gemini Unpopular opinion factory Secret&diverse intellectual landscape “Oh I got really into *miscellaneous hobby or topic* for a while” Intellectualizing or ignoring feelings Cleaning maybe once a year Look, a distraction! Thinking faster than you can talk Restless without hobbies Talking faster than you can think Reading four books at once Tons of energy Teaching others what you know Trivia machine Moodiness Knowing everything but also forgetting everything Existential crisis “Sorry I forgot to text you back” So many interests so little time Accidentally talking too loud Young at heart Pretty good public speaker Endless scrolling Shitposting Unpredictable sleep schedule 5/24

Cancer Connecting with women “Guess I’ll have to love you with my whole heart and soul” Vegetarianism/veganism Fear of rejection Surrounding yourself with soft blankets and  mood lighting Ferocious protector “I’m not going to dwell on it” *dwells on it* Takes child-rearing seriously Hardshell protecting soft ego Feeding sad friends Forecast: mood swings Heart of gold but still a badass Bad with boundaries Learning how to relax like it’s your job Lightweight drinker Yeah. Crying, ok? It’s not a big deal Mama trauma Food = comfort Nostalgia as a coping mechanism Identify built off memories Complaining Very emotionally intuitive of others Big fan of physical and emotional affection People telling you all their BS all the time 9/24

Leo Friendly Self-indulgence Never being able to tell if you’re the best or the worst People trying to compete with you lol Sensitive Decent at cheering people up Great hair Wardrobe swings between hot as hell and lazy af Interrupting Having a sense of honor Not doing something because you’re not good at it Talking too loud Finding dogs pretty relatable Creative talent Super supportive friend Enthusiasm Socializing like it’s your job&then needing to recharge Memes Priorities: eating and sleeping Boo hiss at rejection Looking good even when you feel like shit Drama Needing lots of love Loyal 9/24

Virgo Relating to Hermione Granger Gives great advice even when your own life is in shambles Flirting and running, an autobiography Petty Pretty damn intelligent Loving words/linguistics 8 hours of “studying” = 1 hour of real work Swings between clean and slobbish Indecision Splurging on food Mom friend A freak on the DL Peculiar eating habits Pretty good with words Good with pets and/or kids Known to schedule sex Multitasking af Cleaning as a coping mechanism “It me” Loves self-care but deprioritizes it 0 to hottie in 2 seconds flat Lowkey wood nymph All the receipts Bratty sub or service top 10/24

Libra If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all Pls no fighting Good judge of character Leadership roles in friendships Takes up less emotional space for the well being of others Art adoration Real glo up wizards Nature adoration Hates boredom Wholesome Keep it cute Emotionally braced for betrayal Lowkey running from problems with people Falling in love with people’s hearts/minds Investing in your appearance Loves all things cute Always the mediator Trust issues Charming Staying up to date on culture Taking the high road Always putting your feelings aside for others Aesthetics Mom friend 6/24

Scorpio Growing up early Being a new person every few years Black/dark wardrobe Pain is cool Interest in psychology/criminology/sociology Privacy Sexual but not promiscuous All or nothing thinking Intelligent Loner/lonely Taking care of everyone Would kill or die for loved ones Protective as fuck Bloodhound for truth Deep Fascination with death/insanity/occultism Love-hate relationships “idk I’m just feeling numb rn” Jealous or possessive Trust issues Loyal as fuck Secretly soft Gets shit done Boundaries 6/24

Sagittarius Long ass bucket list Prefers to mind their own business Unbothered Nice enough that people always think you’re hitting on them Fear of missing out Optimism Honest and upfront Your shit is lowkey not together Plenty of friends Snobby enough to have good taste Flirting your way into something you can’t finish Storyteller or philosophical preacher “Here for a good time, not a long time” “…rude” Free spirit “Films” Distracted Smarter than you look I’m just speaking my truth! “I’m just inviting a few people” Falls in love with your mind, then your body Blows up the aux cord Hedonism phases Horniness gets you into some shit lol 11/24

Capricorn On your grind Discipline dgaf attitude Stoic in the streets, softie in the sheets Planning ahead, way ahead Always prepared (Un)healthy coping mechanisms Likes structure Prioritizing self-mastery Loyal protector of friends, babies, and animals Basically born an adult Dark humor People being mad about your tough love Old soul Major procrastinator Kind of a know-it-all on the DL Major sadness and madness People thanking you for your tough love People think you’re responsible “Why was I programmed to feel pain” meme Parenting your parents “Lock that in the trauma vault” Either a loner or a socialite Giving advice like it’s your job 5/24

Aquarius Me, an intellectual: Needing to do things your way Superiority complex Gossip Conspiracy theories Skepticism Not even having the energy to tell people how wrong they are Courteous/considerate People love you but you hate people Lonely Outsider syndrome Relating to cats a great deal Hates being told what to do or when to do it Not trusting someone/something that’s popular Being accused of being emotionless Insightful Feeling like the only rational person in a room Existential crisis Devil’s advocate just to get people to think Rationalizing tf out of your feelings Hates small talk Vices You’re entitled to your opinion no matter how wrong it is Interest in sociology, psychology, and politics 10/24

Pisces Empath Dramatic Poetry or music Lots of imagination, fluctuating identity Getting high on being outside (and maybe weed) Alone time “Idk I’m just a lil sad rn idk” Spiritual af Helping people heal Existential dread Pets love you Mommy issues Good with kids Cathartic crying over art, movies, or nature Knowing how people feel before they do Feeling misunderstood/alone “Go with the flow” Encountering spirits On life: “I’m just here for the ride” Drugs Forgiving others but blaming yourself Kindness Sorry, I was dissociating Exploring nature 3/24

I am most like a: Sagittarius

I am actually a: Sagittarius (I actually don’t really believe in starsigns but here you go lol)

[unspoken-realities]

Hello, and welcome.

Why does this blog exist?

In our modern cyberspace composed of hundreds of millions of blogs, why would you like to read mine? 

Maybe you want answers. Maybe you want others with which you can share your questions. Together, we can work towards a solution. Maybe all you crave is validation and a human being who is dedicated to authenticity for themselves and others to finally give you all the time you need, to be listened to.

This blog exists because I am a writer. I am a reporter, a vessel of thoughts, a narrator of my own life, and I have been since the day I learned to read and write. As early as grade one, I was writing diaries and stories, and I want to carry this value with me now, not reject it any longer. Now, I want to be a narrator of others’ lives as well.

This blog is for you. Whoever you are, or whatever shit you’ve been through in life, I am here to tell you something. I want you to know: you can be listened to. I want to hear your story and give you a space to realize that it can be told. I want to consume your regrets and dreams and hidden stories, and be the narrative vessel that will contain your legacy.

—

In essence, this blog is my thoughts. I am a depressed, existential, philosophical, addicted, twenty-something, who recognizes the extent of their privilege. I disagree with institutions and obligations and the gender binary; by any other name I would say I’m an anarchist, but I tend to hate labels, too. Finally, after nearly a decade of repressing my authentic self, I am beginning to peel back the layers of scientific study and suppressed imagination. This is who I am: a creator.

The thoughts you will encounter in this blog will vary wildly in their content and quality. For sake of accurate chronological representation, I will be including my poetry from my ten-year-old self, alongside intoxicated musings of the afterlife and humanity’s place in the world. I cannot promise that every work you will encounter will be insightful and bright; my only consistency will be the meaning that is in each piece. I do not write when I am uninspired (save for one poem which tackles that issue), because doing so is wholly sacrilegious. Every journal entry, drawing, verbal rant, or other mechanism that you stumble upon will be full of heart and soul, meaning and emotion. I have long since matured enough to realize that art requires emotion. And writing is an art.

Welcome to my art.

Welcome, to my blog.

– Jill.

[areusittingcomfortably]

Their tragic sense of life

Part 4

That might have been the end of their friendship.

But, the truth was that they were both adrift with nowhere else to be, questioning everything they’d ever known. They needed the security net the other provided more than either cared to admit. His tendency to wallow in misery, and hers to get lost in rage and addiction were, for the most part, comfortable bedfellows. Without the sex.

There were many reasons they never went there.

Chief among them was that Raffi had fucked up her marriage so royally she had no intention of sleeping with someone she actually cared about. She’d had her fair share of meaningless encounters since her marriage fell apart, and that was the way she preferred to keep it.

The first night they met that was exactly what was on her mind. His handsome face, his thick dark hair, the broody philosophical air with just enough of an edge beneath it to make him interesting… yeah, she could have gone there. But, it turned out that what she really wanted, really needed, was someone as burned as she was, to just be with. No questions, no commitment, just acceptance. Someone to exist with.

Ríos had his own reasons. Which, true to form, he kept to himself.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about it.

Raffi on the dancefloor, her hair escaping from any attempt to tame it, grooving and grinning and getting lost in music, was intoxicating. Equal parts beguiling and intimidating. It was hard to look away. More than once he’d had to slip away to the men’s room to take care of himself. But, Cristóbal Ríos had made one serious mistake in his life, and he wasn’t going to let himself get romantically entangled with anyone again.

So, they kept each other company, as comrades, until any initial attraction had long since passed.

With a ship to pilot, Ríos began to feel a sense of purpose. The obvious thing to do was to find cargo to move.

That’s where Raffi came in. With her skill in research and coding, she was able to find clients who needed to move things through unofficial channels – like a non-Federation freighter. Around the edges of the Federation and beyond, there was a surprising amount of black market trade and credits exchanged. Not enough to get rich on, particularly when you were trying to steer clear of the dealing with the Ferengi, but enough to get by.

Ríos handled the flying and logistics, and Raffi was the ‘facer who handled research and negotiation. They made a good team. Raffi made no claim on La Sirena. That had been all Cris’s doing, his risk, his reward. But they split the profits of their trade 50/50.  

*****

A year had passed since they’d fled Earth in the stolen ship.

In that time, Raffi had mostly stayed off the drugs, and on the few occasions that she didn’t, Ríos said nothing, knowing that she’d come down before too long. They flew together, drank together, played cards and soccer, planned cargo jobs, and when they happened to be on a planet with compatible life forms and alcohol, Raffi would hook up for a night or two, and Ríos would have the ship to himself.

Returning slightly drunk in the early hours of one morning, she found him sitting in the pilot’s chair reading a hefty volume of German poetry.

“What is it with you?” she demanded, slightly more aggressively than she’d intended, “Why don’t you ever go out and have fun? Meet some women. Or men. Or… whatever your thing is. This moody existential thing isn’t healthy.”

The EMH popped into being, all brisk concern. “That’s what we keep telling him, Ms. Musiker. It’s not…”

“Deactivate EMH” snapped Ríos, before turning to Raffi with a raised eyebrow “Pot, calling kettle…”

“Yeah, yeah, deflect, why don’t you. You didn’t answer my question. Who – or what – is your type?” she asked, genuinely curious.

Cris ignored her and turned back to his book.

“Uh uh, no you don’t. Raffi wants an answer. Why are you sitting alone reading at 3am when you could be out having fun?” She took the book out of his hands and put it down on the console. Ríos said nothing but glared at her.

“Replicator: Cachaça, por favor.” A bottle of the spirit appeared in Raffi’s hand.

“Raffi, let me be. I’m not in the mood for drinking games.”

“No? Okay then, so, here’s how this is gonna play out. Raffi’s gonna ask you a question, and you’re going to answer, or Raffi’s going to drink.” she challenged.

“Knock yourself out.” he muttered, simultaneously annoyed at her insistence and vaguely amused by it.

“First question. Does Cristóbal Ríos prefer men or women?”

No answer. No change in expression.

“Okay then.” She took a long swig.

“Second question. Does Cristóbal Ríos prefer to stay home and play with his holos?

He made a face at that, but didn’t answer, so she took another swig.

“Officers or regular crew?” A slight raise of the eyebrow. Swig.

“Humans or Vulcans?”

“Seriously?”

“Answer the question.”

“No.” trying not to laugh. Raffi took another swig.

“Is Cristóbal Ríos in love with himself?”

He rolled his eyes at that one.

“No,” Raffi said slowly, “no, I already know the answer to that one. Cristóbal Ríos doesn’t even like himself.” She declared triumphantly, congratulating herself with another swig.

“Fuck’s sake, Raffi!” Cris growled, snatching the bottle out of her hand. “You’re drunk. Go to bed.”

“Not that drunk.” she leaned back against the console and dropped the teasing tone. “I’m right though, aren’t I? You don’t like yourself. Why is that, Cris?”

She rarely used his preferred name. “What makes you think that?”

“Because you clearly like people, I mean, hell, you even like me.”

“Do I?” he challenged, but without any venom.

“Yeah, you do. You like most people, but you avoid them. You were unfailingly polite to every bartender and patron at every bar we ever went to. You’re nice to everyone. But, you leave all the negotiating to me, and barely ever leave this ship. I’ve never even heard you raise your voice at anyone but the holos, which are basically just versions of you. So, if it’s not that you don’t like other people, but still avoid them, it must be that you don’t like, or maybe don’t trust, yourself.”

She stuck her hand out, challenging Ríos to say something or give her back the bottle.

“Maybe I don’t.”

“Why?” Raffi looked at him, genuinely curious. “I like you, and I can barely stand most people.”

“Raffi…” he sighed, at a loss.

She grabbed the bottle out of his hand and took a big swig. “Talk to me or I will down the rest of this bottle in one.”

“Cabrona.” he swore softly, shaking his head, holding out his hand for the bottle and taking a swig himself “Tabien. First Officer Cristóbal Ríos of the USS ibn Majid made a very very big mistake. One he can’t forgive himself for. That he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven for. There. Happy?”

Raffi waited for him to continue, but he didn’t.

“That’s it? Everybody makes mistakes, Cris.”

“Not mistakes that cost lives.” he stated flatly.

Raffi was silent a moment. “Are you saying that you killed people? Deliberately? When you weren’t under attack?”

He didn’t answer.

“What then? What did you do that you can’t forgive yourself for?”

“I trusted someone I was romantically involved with, and as a result of that, people I loved died.”

Raffi frowned. Either Ríos was being deliberately obtuse, or she was a little more drunk than she thought she was, possibly both, because he wasn’t making a whole lot of sense. Probably both.

She was about to ask a heap more questions, but the look on his face stopped her. He looked anguished in a way she hadn’t seen before, leaning forward, gripping the edge of the chair like he was about to be physically sick or trying to stop himself punch something. Possibly himself.

“Okay,” she said gently. “Okay. I’m gonna let you off the hook this time. But, one day, you’re going to confess everything to Sister Raffaella, and let her absolve you. I don’t know what happened on the ibn Majid, but I know that underneath all your misery, you’re a good man, Cris. Go to bed, get a good night’s sleep.”

He shook his head, helplessly. “I can’t.” he admitted.

She realised with amazement, he was crying silently.

“Hey,” she reached out to him awkwardly, standing with her arms around him as he sobbed against her stomach.

*****

She did take him to bed that night, but only to hold him. He slept fitfully, and in the morning they were both exhausted.

They never spoke of it again, but something shifted between them after that. There was an ease between them. It levelled the playing field a bit.

Ríos had arguably saved her life by getting her out of the destructive spiral she’d been in, looking out for her when she wasn’t looking out for herself. And it had made Raffi uncomfortable having the scales tipped so far in his favour. Now she had a chance to return it and get things on a more equal footing. She figured she still owed him, big time, but at least it wasn’t all one way traffic.

She didn’t ask him about what happened on the USS ibn Majid again, but she looked it up. At least, she tried to. But, there was absolutely no trace the ship had ever existed. And no record of a First Officer Cristóbal Ríos either. She hacked into his training records, his medicals, his early career, everything exemplary until the records simply stopped. 

She sought out his personal comms, and there was a normal amount of traffic up until 4 or 5 years ago, a few girlfriends, or could Jo have been a man? and then it mysteriously dried up. A few bland communications here and there. But in all that time, nothing whatsoever about his location, career, or colleagues, as though absolutely everything to do with the ship and its crew had been surgically removed and wiped clean.

She’d never seen – or more accurately, not seen – anything like it before. If it had been anyone else, she would have questioned if they were lying, but this was Ríos, and she trusted him completely. Besides, she had her own reasons not to trust Starfleet. If the man said he’d served as XO on the ibn Majid, he had.

It was easier to work out why he was in the habit of staying up all night and disappearing for hours at a time during the day, which he’d been doing even when they were hanging out in the bar. He slept during the day, fully dressed, a phaser beside him on the bed, with all the lights on. The holos that let it slip when she expressed concern about him. The EMH or the ENH, she found it hard to distinguish between their clothing and accents. In retrospect, she probably should have been a bit more careful and bit less spiteful with reskinning them.

Despite the way he treated them, they seemed to be fiercely loyal to their Captain, and concerned about his welfare, though that was likely just their programming.

“Aha!” thought Raffi, in a sudden moment of clarity, “That’s why he doesn’t like them. He doesn’t know if they’re being genuine or just programmed to look out for him.” The only one he seemed to like was the one who clearly didn’t give a shit.

In any case, it was obvious to both Raffi and the EMH, who’d been trying with no avail to get the Captain to take sleeping pills and drink less, that whatever had happened to First Officer Cristóbal Ríos of the ibn Majid, was likely the cause of his sleeping disorder and nightmares.

And so, the friendship of Raffaella Musiker and Cristóbal Ríos continued.

[btvs]

Pop Queens of Heartbreak: Deconstructing Why Marina Diamandis and Lana Del Rey Are Often Compared to Each Other

Fans of one artist are often fans of another who has a similar style. Usually, these two artists hate being compared with each other and claim to be individual. Marina Diamandis and Lana Del Rey are an unusual case of this, because they became friends after so many fans wanted them to collaborate. People somehow think Marina and Lana are the exact same style since they share a large group of fans. Marina Diamandis and Lana Del Rey are widely seen as synonymous, and while they do have a lot in common, they are both individuals who have unique and distinct styles.

Marina Diamandis and Lana Del Rey are both pop music - but they are on opposite ends of the pop genre. Lana Del Rey is seen as a pop artist, but she has a lot of rock influences in her instrumentals. Her style, mostly during and after the Ultraviolence era, resembles the voice and instrumentals of Stevie Nicks, the deep lyrics and tone of Fiona Apple, and some elements of 60s-70s psychedelic rock. Her music seems like what old movies would sound like in music form. She has been described as indie “sad-core”, and her music hits hard. Generally, Lana sings about men, money, and drugs. However, her lyrics are anything but superficial and they go along with the beautifully melancholy theme of her music. She is extremely introspective and intellectual, and she has a sardonic view of the world which is reflected in her choice of words. Somehow, Lana manages to both be pessimistic and transport the listener to a different place where everything is dreamy. Unlike Lana’s music, Marina’s music is generally under the categories of dance and bubblegum pop. Her music is simultaneously existential and upbeat. While she does have some slow songs, she never strays from the pop genre. Electra Heart is specifically her most bubblegum pop album because it goes along with her theme of the American Dream and contrasts starkly with her somber lyrics. Although these artists have differences style-wise, they use their voices in a similar way. They challenge the norm of radio pop music with their alternative pop production but do it in different ways.

Lana and Marina are both interested in psychology and philosophy, so their music is deep and their lyrics make you think. Marina has multiple songs about social issues. A specific example is the track “Savages” from her album Froot, which she wrote after the Boston Marathon bombing. It discusses villainous human traits and contains lyrics concerning rape and murder: “We live, we die, we steal, we kill, we lie / Just like animals, but with far less grace.” Another song in which Marina expresses her opinion about society is the song “Sex Yeah”. “Sex Yeah” focuses on the topic of feminism and how women are treated in the media. She describes her personal experience with how society has treated her as a female pop artist: “If history could set you free from who you were supposed to be / If sex in our society didn’t tell a girl who she would be / Cause all my life I’ve tried to fight what history has given me.” The album in which “Sex Yeah” is a part of is called Electra Heart. It is a concept album and project that is based around a character that Marina created, Electra Heart, to express different personalities: the housewife, the homewrecker, the beauty queen, and the teen “idle”. Each of the songs on this album correlates with one of those personalities. The album and project as a whole guide the listener through an experience of Electra’s life as she struggles with identity issues, depression, and challenging society. Lana Del Rey also has many personas she displays through her music, but it is caused by her changing personality and not from a character she created. Her first album, Born To Die, presented a young, plucky-yet-depressed teen persona. Her next album, Ultraviolence, was the epitome of a cynical look on unhealthy relationships. Her two following albums, Honeymoon and Lust For Life, display a woman who is more satisfied with life. Lana Del Rey has subtle references to psychology in her music, most of which are more philosophical. The first reference I noticed was in her song “She’s Not Me (Ride Or Die)”, where she sings, “Remember, I’m the ghost in your machine.” I was curious as to what that meant, so I immediately looked it up. The concept of “ghost in a machine” references the philosopher Gilbert Ryle, and is described as “the consciousness or mind carried in a physical entity.” After listening to Lana’s music over and over I picked up on other psychology and philosophy-related commentary. Her way of talking about it is through poetry, unlike Marina who directly discusses society.

Marina Diamandis and Lana Del Rey both cite many inspirations for their music. Marina Diamandis’s Electra Heart was heavily inspired by Cindy Sherman and her different personalities that she portrays in her photography. Electra tries on all of those personalities to try and find her true self - but she does not have a real identity. The album was also influenced by the ideas of the American Dream, much like her previous record, The Family Jewels, which is themed around Marina’s desire for success. Marina has described the Electra Heart character as the “goth Britney Spears.” Marina also gathered inspiration from Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, her parents’ music tastes, and 90s pop. Marina took a psychology class while writing her newest two-part album, LOVE + FEAR. She created a Tumblr page, marinabook, on which she posted her life updates and opinions on topics. One particular topic she discusses is how society views being alone. She references other sources on this website as well. Just from observation, it is clear that Marina talking about her life, psychology, and reading books influenced her recent album. Lana Del Rey’s inspiration comes mostly from older sources; she usually references old artists, poetry, and films. It goes along with her style as a poet. For example, one of her interludes consists of Lana reciting a poem by T. S. Eliot. Both Lana and Marina’s inspirations are heavily portrayed in their own art. It is clear that they look up to their idols.

Many people who are fans of Marina Diamandis are also fans of Lana del Rey because they categorize them as the same genre when in reality it is more complicated than that. They have similar ways they approach the pop genre, the way they honor their idols, and their favorite topics to write and sing about. Within these categories, though, they have many differences. It is reasonable to compare two artists, but it is necessary to notice their distinctions as well.

[finishinglinepress]

FLP CHAPBOOK OF THE DAY: LIGHT TURNOUT: PROSE POEMS AND STORIES by Gary Percesepe

TO ORDER GO TO: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/light-turnout-prose-poems-and-stories-by-gary-percesepe/ RESERVE YOUR COPY TODAY

Poet and philosopher Gary Percesepe’s latest book, LIGHT TURNOUT, is something else entirely. Here are twenty-four prose poems and stories that distort, disturb, and ultimately delight, offering feverish commentary on the current unreality of our world. Although most of the poems in LIGHT TURNOUT were written prior to the global pandemic that began in 2020, they seem to anticipate what is coming: loss, grief, despair, and anguished death alongside comic gestures of resistance tilting at the absurdity of our shared situation.

Baudelaire said that the prose poem is essentially lyric and expressive of inner states, reflecting “the lyrical impulses of the soul, the undulations of reverie, the jibes of conscience.” This is a pretty fair description of what is going on in LIGHT TURNOUT.

Gary Percesepe is the author of eleven books, including MORATORIUM: COLLECTED STORIES 1995-2020. He resides in White Plains, New York, and teaches philosophy at Fordham University in the Bronx.

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR LIGHT TURNOUT: PROSE POEMS AND STORIES by Gary Percesepe

Gary Percesepe’s LIGHT TURNOUT is a romp through a world we mostly recognize, made brilliant and startling through language well-chosen. From erasing the neighbors to visits by dead sisters and angels in the night, the poems create a belief system we want to embrace and cause the reader to applaud a spirited writer reworking the universe for our delight. In these grim times, LIGHT TURNOUT reminds us that the root word of “amuse” is “muse”—and here we have a perfect muse and host, creating a presence we are glad to step into. “Whatever happens today, we are here,” —glad to participate in these giddy, life-affirming acts of invention.”

–Maxine Chernoff

Each piece in Gary Percesepe’s Light Turnout is its own world – some surreal, some crass, some beautiful. Despite the brevity of these pieces, or perhaps because of it, this collection is vast. Cable bridges “sing in the wind like giant harps,” “tangled trees look like seaweed in the twilight,” yet in others, the characters are “survivors of a dead mother and no-account father.” This collection has scope. I loved each small world I inhabited while reading it.

–Shaindel Beers

Gary Percesepe’s latest collection of poetry, brilliantly captures the existential mood of the times. Somewhere moonflowers shimmer in street dust, a long-lost father works late at night alone in a parallel world, and we may wake up one day and find ourselves covered in covfefe, searching for the last fallen ice cube in the fridge.

–Morgan Harlowe

Percesepe’s voice is one of shrewdness, marked by a rare combination of emotional astuteness and a penetrating depth of vision.”

–Nicolette Wong

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