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noowayybroo · 10 months ago

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Leon x ImpliedF!Creature!Reader - little drabble (SFW)

Ok so like imagine if YOU are the bioweapon / demon / creature whatever, but of course you're a little more humanoid... Humanoid enough for Leon to perhaps... catch feelings...? I was minding my business trying to do coursework when this lodged itself in my brain, mostly older Leon. *drools*

Warnings: Reader is described as monstrous, and called names like "princess" and "Beautiful" but it's more of a coping mechanism for Leon. Mentions of violence, fear and death. Mentions of guns and things. Leon is technically there to kill you. (But he can't)

Leon might call you things like pretty, beautiful, princess etc mockingly so sorry it's implied that the reader is female or at least feminine in appearance, but he could also just be mocking you if you are masculine idk. This is just how deliciously I think some of the Leons would react to seeing / being cornered by a creature heheh.

Re2 Leon:

-Could either be before, after or instead of Raccoon City because no amount of zombies and lickers could prepare him for you.

-He does have a weapon: a gun which he shakily holds towards you. He's so soft and pliable he may as well be handing his firearm to you. Certainly not a threat. You're huge and he doesn't know where to aim, at your head, at your chest, maybe at a leg? It's all a blur to him. His head spins.

-His eyes are wide, sweat sticking his fringe to his forehead as he slowly steps back, seconds away from stumbling. Once he presses himself against a cold wall, as cold as he fears he might be in a few minutes, he swallows hard.

-He's babbling, praying. Begging. Hoping that somehow you might understand him, and should you do so, that you'd let him go. You hadn't attacked him yet, so maybe there was a chance.

-You looked so... big. So imposing. He imagined bullets feeling like splinters to your toughened skin. But the way you stood so still, picturesque, almost like a statue, it had him questioning what was going on inside your head.

-Your lack of movement has him pinned, and his breath slowly calms after the initial shock of seeing you. He can see it in your eyes- the calculated cunning. The hunger. He expects you to lunge at him at any second.

-"So this is what mice feel like" he thinks to himself, voice and heartbeat astoundingly loud in his ears, but he dares not say anything aloud. He doesn't want to tempt you... or to infuriate you.

-He would run. Holy shit he wants to run, but one look at your legs and he knows he's toast. So, he decides to stay as still as possible. Maybe if he makes himself look friendly, you'll go easy. You certainly weren't tearing him to shreds... yet.

-After a while of you continuing to stand there, he slowly lowers his gun.

Perhaps staying still and acting docile really did better his chances.

Perhaps that's what you were waiting for.

Re4 Leon:

-Also has his gun trained on you from the get-go, but his eyes are sharper. He scrutinises you, looking for that sweet spot. He's ready to strike and plans on doing so before you can.

-He takes in your form, memorising it. Perhaps he'll be made to fight something like you again. He notes how your eyes follow the barrel of his gun as it slowly drifts its aim between your vital organs. So you're somewhat intelligent.

-You twitch a muscle, and he straightens his aim, demeanour becoming more serious. He's done playing now. Your stillness threw him off for a second. He licks his lips and tenses, staring right down the barrel. But he's not sure what a bullet would even do to you. It might just infuriate you if anything.

-So he wants to see what you can do, because he's seen nothing like you before. He can see those talons of yours, ready to strike at close proximity. If he has any chance of taking you down, he should probably do so from a distance. Lickers taught him that.

-He notes the way your eyes widen just a smidge as he takes one step back. And more when he takes another. But you're not just observant. You're excited. He can see that hunger in your eyes. So that's what you want. A chase.

-He indulges, fighting the sly smile that his own exhilaration leaves on his lips. "Hope you can keep up, big guy!" He calls out to you, already turn-tailing it in the opposite direction.

-You had gone tense all over, almost holding your breath. Excited, thrilled to be able to chase him, and now, he'd finally given you the opportunity. But as he leaves you in the dust, you stay still. You knew you'd catch up easily. It's fun to watch him run. More useful to have him exert himself.

-Actually falls for it, and for a while thinks you won't chase him until he hears heavy, bounding steps after him. Things suddenly got a lot more real, and you're gaining on him fast. He swallows down hard and scans his surroundings, improvising on how to kill, or at least, lose you.

-For now, though, he'll let you enjoy this chase. He's hoping it'll be your last.

Re4 + (umbrellla term cuz Ik nothing abt older leon canon wise):

-Almost sick of life, he takes a minute to eye you up and down with a 'really?' look, as if he's fed up of finding new things that want to kill him. His eyebrow raises in disbelief before his gun does.

"Well... Who do we have here then?" His tone is flat, rhetorical. Underlying, though, there is some curiosity.

-Glares at you, silently, pathetically, willing you not to move. He's fighting back a strange bubbling excitement. He's faced so many weird and cool, deadly creatures just like you, but none have been quite as captivating as you. He could tell you were intelligent by the way you eyed his finger on the trigger. He could see you were strong and likely fast just by looking at you.

-And he hadn't seen claws like that on anything but a licker. In his twisted mind, you were a bit like a licker that left the skin and some of your personality on, and for that he was grateful. He lets out a low chuckle and without hesitation aims his gun straight between your eyes.

-His teeth grit. He's ready to shoot. He's not too happy about it but he might as well get it over and done with. Can he kill you? Doesn't matter. In this line of work, he's gonna shoot first, pay the price later. It hasn't killed him... yet.

-He's gotten sick of killing things, though. It never brought him any joy. (And he's not going to admit that he doesn't think he can beat you) so he thinks he'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Diverting his aim for a split second he fires a warning shot just by you, hoping maybe you'll have second thoughts.

-Instead you flinch, snarling before slowly approaching him. Your heavy steps are loud, as is your low grumble, and he starts to back away cautiously. "Now now, princess, let's talk about this, yeah?" he hums, one arm up in a defensive position. His voice is thick and gravelly, if not a little shaky. He tried to sound tough and dominant, but there was an element of begging. You certainly approved. "I'd hate to make an enemy of something so pretty."

-If you could understand his words, you'd either swoon or become enraged, but that's for you to decide. Really, though, you can tell he's scared. You just have no idea when flirting with the giant creature that's about to tear out your ribcage was ever a good idea.

-Your claws are raised, ready to strike. You wouldn't soon forget the way he swallows thickly, peering up at you through his fringe. At least he had enough respect to look even a little anxious. He takes a few more steps backwards, giving you a side eye while he quickly checks behind him for an escape route, and so as to not trip.

-"Really, beautiful? We can't just talk about this?" A nervous chuckle. Like talking to a brick wall. It's hopeless, he's hopeless, but you can't blame an old man for trying. You just have to take it out on his knees, don't you?

-Tries to line up a good shot, tongue poking out, eyes squinting as he does, but he doesn't like how close your claws are getting, and decides to leg it. You give chase almost instantly, but barely try and keep up. You want to tire him out, and he has no idea just how easy you're going on him.

-"Didn't like my pickup lines, then?" he wheezes as he runs at a pace he believes to be fast enough to keep out of the way of your claws, but not too fast as to tire himself out too quickly. He's getting old.

-He fires some warning shots behind himself towards you. They were meant to hit, really, but his aim was poor. His breath quickly starts running short. Maybe this is the end after all.

"I gotta stop drinking" he grumbles, ducking round a corner.

Living rent free in my head is the concept of Leon x a creature immensely out of his league in terms of power. He could be scared, in awe, trying to kill it, idk idc I just love it PLEASE can someone tell me they like it too?? I'm going insane.

Also just remembered I'm still writing that leon x demon fic. One day, guys, one day. (saying this more for myself) k bye!

#resident evil #leon kennedy #re leon #re4 leon #leon s kennedy #resident evil leon #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy fanfic #resident evil x reader #resident evil 6 #resident evil: degeneration #resident evil 4leon #subby leon

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sustraiii · 1 year ago

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TEAM ZRCN ARC 1 REWRITE - CHAPTER 3

A game night with friends - what could possibly go wrong?

Zelde

Zelde slowly turned the page of her book, doing her best to ignore the voices in the room, and instead focus on the words written on the pages in front of her. She needed to get further into the book than she already was. It was a recommended book for her Remnant History class and she was already further behind than she would have liked due to a few missions that had gone on longer than she had anticipated.

Unfortunately for Zelde, her desire for a quiet night catching up with coursework had been ruined by the arrival of Xanthos and his friends.

She had been reading quietly on her bunk when Xanthos barged in, dragging a foldable table in with him. Behind him came Kinu Matsumoto, Hamnet Kerbel, and Zinnia Winfield, of whom only Zinnia waved hello. Slightly irritated about being interrupted, Zelde had peered over her bunk and demanded to know what was going on. Xanthos cheerfully reminded her that it was his bi-monthly game night, during which he and his friends played lengthy games of Remnant: The Game. Zelde asked if they could play elsewhere, but Xanthos insisted they stay where they were, citing that it was his turn to host and would be bad form if he avoided his turn. Zelde relented after a moment, holding them all to a promise that they would be quiet so she could read in peace.

Unfortunately, that promise was swiftly broken.

Swept up in the excitement of the game, the four of them began loudly cheering and yelling, and Zelde's quiet evening was ruined.

For a while she was able to power through, focusing on the content of her book rather than the voices of Xanthos and his friends. Things took another turn when events in the game got a little heated. Zelde didn't really know what had triggered it, but Hamnet quickly went from mere yelling to jumping to his feet and pointing at his fellow players, accusing them of all manner of things, and complaining about a move Kinu had played. When his blustering was largely ignored, Hamnet waved a hand and promptly left the room declaring he was done for the night.

Zelde watched him go with a raised brow, surprised at how such a game could elicit a response like that. Though she supposed Hamnet had always been hot-headed and prone to bursts of anger such as that. When she had first joined the academy she had found Hamnet quite attractive with his golden curls, dazzling blue eyes, and easy smile. His attitude had quickly shown itself however and her infatuation had quickly faded.

"Yeesh, Kinu, what kind of play was that?" Zinnia asked, turning back in her seat to face the remaining players after watching Hamnet leave. "I've never seen him get that mad before. I think I saw actual smoke coming out of his ears."

"It was called the Sandstorm Gambit," Zelde explained, answering for Kinu. "It is a sequence of moves favoured by fools and gamblers." Her response earned her a curious look from the two girls in the room, and she closed her book, sensing an impending flurry of questions.

"I didn't realise you played," Zinnia noted.

"She doesn't," Xanthos answered with a chuckle. "At least not with me anyway but Zelde knows all the moves and gambits."

"My father used to play semi-professionally," Zelde explained. He had made a decent chunk of money at it before his own father - Zelde's grandfather - had pushed him to settle and start a real career. "When I was a young child, my father taught my brother and I how to play. I have little interest in the game but I recall the moves and gambits quite well."

“You should join us!” Zinnia said, clapping her hands enthusiastically together.

“Yes, please join us,” Kinu said in agreement, her green eyes appraisingly looking Zelde up and down. “It would be interesting to play at least one match against an opponent with a modicum of skill.” She blinked and then looked at Xanthos and Zinnia, before adding in her familiar monotonous tone, “No offence.”

Zelde hesitated for a moment, debating whether or not to decline and continue reading her book. However, after deciding she had lost her place in the book, she shrugged. “Just one game.”

“One game,” Kinu echoed, nodding her head in confirmation. She extended a hand and gestured to the now vacant seat that had briefly been occupied by Hamnet. Zelde placed the book on her bed and hopped off the bunk. She calmly slid into Hamnet’s former seat and waited whilst Zinnia rounded up the action cards and began to reshuffle them, careful to split the kingdom-specific cards into four neat piles. Once the cards were reshuffled, the four players were randomly assigned one of the four kingdoms in the game. Zelde got Vale, Kinu got Atlas, Xanthos got Mistral, and Zinnia got Vacuo.

As was usually the case, the game began slow, with most of the players making small moves to progress their armies and build up their supplies. By ten rounds in, however, things had taken a dramatic turn. Zinnia’s Vacuan army had been halved when Kinu played a Giant Nevermore card and she was further struggling after Xanthos took two cards from her hand on his turn, both of which would have allowed her to repair and replenish her army. Everyone else’s armies seemed to be faring well, though Zelde’s Valean army was beginning to flag. It took another five rounds for Zinnia’s army to be wiped out completely. By that point, Kinu’s Atlesian army was also starting to struggle, having failed to attack the wall of Zelde’s kingdom and then losing a portion of her army to a tornado trap card.

Amazingly, as they hit the twentieth round, Kinu somehow managed to continue to survive. Zelde thought she either was an incredibly talented player or imbued with incredible luck.

Kinu finished her turn by collecting some supplies, before turning to Xanthos so he could begin his turn. Zelde peered over her hand, watching as Xanthos seemed to mull over his cards, going back and forth between which cards he would play.

“First of all, I’m going to play a Resourceful Raider,” Xanthos announced, setting the card atop the play pile. The card allowed him to take a card from one of his opponents' discard piles, and he chose to raid Kinu’s pile, plucking a repair card from the top. Shuffling that into his hand, Xanthos then considered his card again, debating over which card to play for his final move. When he did eventually pick a card, he gave Zelde a sheepish expression before putting it down. “Sorry, Zee.”

The card in question was an Alpha Megoliath, a card notorious for wiping out whole armies due to how hard it was to avoid them. Even Kinu winced when she saw it get played.

“Well, as you know Zelde, you need to roll a fifteen or higher in order to avoid the attack and for me to take the hit instead," Xanthos said.

It was small odds but Zelde remained cool. She grabbed the two ten-sided dice, shook them in her hand, and then dropped them on the table. The first landed on the number eight which meant she needed seven or higher to avoid the attack. Her silver eyes shifted from the first dice to the second and her shoulders sagged slightly when she saw the number. Six. Which meant she had rolled a fourteen, leaving her just one off the number needed to avoid the attack.

With a defeat, Zelde knocked the remainder of her wall down and deposited her last seven cards onto the discard pile. Now that she had been knocked out of the game, Zelde could leave, but she thought it was poor form to leave whilst Kinu and Xanthos were still playing.

Another round went by and it became increasingly likely Xanthos would storm away with the win. Kinu had managed to get a good hit on his wall with her Atlesian Air Support but at this late in the game, it didn't seem like it would help much.

"Well, I hate to say it Kinu, but unless you have some miracle card up your sleeve, I do believe you've lost," Xanthos said smugly, as he played a raider card, allowing him to pilfer the discard pile, before he slapped down a Prowler Pack card to follow.

"Oooh that's a doozy," Zinnia said.

"Hmm, I suppose it seems only fair I should counter with this," Kinu responded, placing down an Atlesian Knight card.

Xanthos groaned. "I thought you'd used those all up!" He complained.

"I have played two throughout this game and one I was forced to discard thanks to Zinnia," Kinu responded. "You should remember there are four available for me to use at my discretion."

Xanthos nodded his head in defeat and moved to grab the two dice. He needed to roll a ten or higher in order to avoid the attack. Unfortunately, it seemed his luck had run out as he proceeded to roll a two and a five. And with his army at only a quarter of its starting strength, his army was swiftly overrun by the Prowler Pack.

"Well, Xanthos, I do believe you just lost," Kinu said, using his earlier words against him. "An unfortunate move to play when your own army was so weak."

"It was my own fault believing you used all those cards up," Xanthos conceded with a laugh. He shook his head. "Damn robots…"

"Well, I will admit that was quite entertaining," Zelde said, once the immediate chatter of Xanthos's loss subsided.

"You should play with us more often," Zinnia suggested. "That's the most fun I've had in the game since Kinu and Hamnet sat one out and we had to get the twins involved."

"The twins?" Zelde asked, raising a brow. It completely slipped her mind that they were referring to Zinnia's teammates until Xanthos clarified for her.

"She means Isolde and Noah," Xanthos explained. And then his eyes moved to Zinnia and he pointed a finger at her playfully. "Don't get ideas about inviting them again, Zin. I don't think I've recovered from the thorough thrashing they gave us."

"Gave you," Zinnia countered with a smirk. "From what I remember I fared quite well."

"Teammate bias," Xanthos offered as an explanation for this thrashing.

Zinnia rolled her eyes. "Uh-huh, sure it was."

"Well, this has been delightful as always, but it is time for me to retire to my own quarters," Kinu said, slowly rising from her chair. "I do believe Hamnet is our next host?"

"Yep," Xanthos responded. "If he'll even play with us again."

As they were beginning to pack away, Zelde lifted her head at the sound of commotion outside her dorm, noting several students heading in the direction of the common room in a hurry.

“What’s that all about?” Zinnia asked.

They would soon get their answer when Kinu’s twin, Nishiki appeared. He had clearly travelled with some speed to get here, as he was panting a little when he stopped. “Oh good, you’re still here,” He said, quickly leaning on the doorframe to catch his breath.

“Nishiki, did something happen?” Kinu asked, stepping around the table to reach her twin. Zelde was certain the only time she ever saw Kinu’s expression change was around her brother.

“Yes, it looks like something happened at the Vytal Festival,” He answered quickly. “The news is still pretty hazy on what happened but it sounded bad. I think you should all come and see.”

One by one they all agreed to go and followed Nishiki back to the common room. Unsurprisingly, the majority of the Atlesian students had all gathered to see what was happening. There were a few party supplies scattered around on the chairs and tables from where students had been watching the matches earlier, and judging by the chatter of those in the room it seemed no one really knew what was happening. Whilst Kinu and Zinnia broke off to find their friends, Xanthos moved towards Neela, and Zelde found herself drifting towards Cordovan. Her red-haired teammate was standing near the back of the room, studying the currently blank screens with a serious expression.

“Any idea what’s going on?” Zelde asked, giving him a little nudge prior to speaking so as not to startle him.

“Not a clue,” Corodovan responded. “They were playing one of the matches and then suddenly they cut the feeds.”

Zelde nodded her head in understanding and before she could ask anything else, the screens flared back into life, revealing they were about to cut to an urgent news bulletin. A hush fell across the room as an elderly news presenter appeared and began to speak. He started with the usual formalities of greeting the audience watching before revealing they were about to cut to some video footage from Vale, quickly warning that some scenes they were about to show might be distressing for some viewers. A few mutters of concern could be heard from the students but everyone remained focused on the screens. What they showed next was shocking; waves of Grimm attacking Vale, interspersed with scenes of civilians fleeing in panic as the city began to burn around them.

The footage quickly got a reaction from the students gathered and Zelde heard shocked gasps and words of disbelief exchanged.

“As you can see from the last moments of footage, it appears as though the festival has been attacked,” The reporter continued once the screen cut back to him. “Whilst we are unable to get any further footage from the area at the moment, we are still receiving up-to-date reports from military officers on the ground in Vale. From what we know, waves of Grimm have been seen approaching the city, and we strongly believe that Beacon Academy has fallen.”

Yet more gasps were heard and a few students were visibly crying and shaken by this news. Zelde herself even reacted strongly to this, subconsciously making a grab for one of his hands for comfort. As she gripped his hand, she was faintly aware of him looking at her from out of the corner of his eye, before he gave her a reassuring squeeze.

Looking back to the screen, the reporter gave a heavy sigh, his shoulders sagged as he uncharacteristically broke character. “The civilian and student casualties are as of yet unknown, though reports indicate it could creep into the hundreds.”

At the mention of casualties, Neela let out an anguished cry, and Zelde turned to see her teammate struggling to keep standing, supported by Xanthos. Quite a few of the students were now yelling and in clear distress. The panic that was settling in was quickly dashed by the sudden arrival of Professor Velour, who had likely been called in to see to the students and potentially settle them down.

Upon seeing the chaos around her, Professor Velour was quick to try and field them out of the common room. “That is enough! Everyone back to their dormitories, now!” She ordered her tone firm but not unkind. When a few of the students moved, she clapped her hands together and started waving them about to get them to move. “Back to your dormitories!” She repeated, finally succeeding in getting the students to file out of the room. “Go, go!”

Moving with the rest of the students, Zelde and Cordovan made it back to their room, though along the way they had somehow lost Xanthos and Neela. In fact, Zelde wasn’t even sure if the two following them.

As they waited for their teammates to join them, Zelde sat down on the lower bunk belonging to Neela, and Cordovan stood at the foldaway table admiring one of the pieces still set up for their earlier game.

“I forgot Xanthos would be playing tonight,” Cordovan mused, turning a piece in his hand before setting it back down. “Who won?”

“Kinu. Technically they never finished the first game properly, but she was the clear victor in the second.”

“There were two games? I could have sworn I saw Hamnet glowering in the common room earlier.”

“Oh you definitely did,” Zelde confirmed. “He lost his temper in the first game and stormed out. I was convinced to join their second game.”

Cordovan smiled faintly. “I’m surprised you didn’t win in that case,” He said earnestly.

“Xanthos played an Alpha Megoliath card,” She explained.

“And that’s bad?”

“Very,” Zelde nodded. Although this line of questioning helped take her mind off of things, Zelde couldn’t help but frown as the thoughts about what was occurring in Vale crept back into her mind. “It all seems so trivial compared to what’s going on in Vale…”

Cordovan looked at her with an understanding expression. “Do you think-”

Before he had the chance to finish his question, the door opened and Xanthos stepped inside.

“Where’s Neela?” Zelde asked, immediately noting their teammate was not behind him.

“Oh, I had to take her to see the nurse,” Xanthos explained, swiftly taking a seat next to Zelde on her bunk. “Professor Velour thought she might need a sedative of sorts. No doubt you saw how she was after the news bulletin.”

“Understandable, of course,” Cordovan said. “Her girlfriend is in Vale currently, as are Team PCAN who are close friends of hers.”

Team PCAN was actually friends with all of them, but their leader and Neela had known each other from childhood.

“I hope they’re alright,” Xanthos said, letting out a soft sigh. “As I was coming back here I heard rumour the CCT is down too, so we likely won’t hear anything for a while either.”

Cordovan sighed and Zelde shook her head. What a terrible situation they found themselves in, but even worse for the people in Vale having to go through it first-hand. Although in bad taste, it made Zelde feel quietly relieved she and her team had been unsuccessful in getting the chance to go to the Vytal Festival. Zelde could only hope that whatever was happening there would be resolved soon and that normality - or as close to it following such a tragedy - would quickly be restored.

#team zrcn fic #team ZRCN #Zelde Sewick #Xanthos Ravindra #Cordovan Radcliff #Neela Oxford #zinnia winfield #kinu matsumoto #hamnet kerbel #ametrine velour #zrcn rewrite

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kouros-herc · 2 years ago

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In Translation - Oneshot

For the task: The Language Of Love. 5 Times Herc didn’t feel he could use his love language, plus 1 time he did.

Aquata [ @aquata-the-champ ]

Q was doing that thing again, where she got antsy about something and started prowling round the gym instead of sitting down and actually taking her coffee break in the breakroom. She only did it when she couldn’t quite bear sitting on her own and nobody else was in there, and instead she flitted in and out of his vision, never quite committing to saying whatever it was that was bothering her. Herc kept glancing up at her from the desk. He knew better than to ask, at least not right now. It was probably Principal Prickly or something, or maybe one of her sisters had accidentally said something that upset her or, well there could be a thousand different reasons.

Everything in his chest was telling him he should stand up, and go and rest his hands on her shoulders, maybe give them a squeeze, and tell her to take a breath. He could be her earthing wire, rooting her to the ground and letting her stand in his shadow for a second until she could feel calmer again. But he knew she’d probably punch him in the stomach for that, which would help nobody.

Instead, when she came back after her next class, there was a coffee and a blueberry muffin from Hatter’s waiting for her at the desk.

Herc sipped his tea quietly as she took it, and leant against the wall.

Ken [ @kenneth-carson ]

Herc was staring at the chicken he was frying off. It looked absolutely nothing like the picture on the recipe card, but it did smell good, which honestly was a miracle enough in itself that he was lost in it as the door opened and shut again.

Ken, his new roommate came into the kitchen.

After a moment, Herc remembered where he’d been. “Hey! How’d it go?” He turned over his shoulder, feeling guilty about the row of tupperware containers that was taking up most of the counter space as he tried to sort out his meal-prep for the week.

Ken beamed. “I got the job!”

“Aaaaaaaay!” Hercules beamed back at him. “Congratulations!” That was great news! Concierge at The Hauntley Inn, that was a pretty cool job, and Ken had seemed really enthusiastic about it when he’d talked about it earlier. Plus it was good to know that his friendly new roomie wasn’t going to up and disappear in a matter of weeks. Hercules was getting used to having him, and his rollerblades on the shoe rack.

For a second he turned, as if to wrap Ken in a hug, then faltered. He barely knew Ken, and though he seemed really friendly... was he a hugger? He seemed like the type, and Hercules was really happy for him but... what if he wasn’t a hugger? What if he thought Herc was being way too comfortable for someone who had only been his roomie for a couple of weeks?

Hercules held his hand up, instead, and Ken slapped it in an enthusiastic high-five.

“That’s amazing dude, well done! So how’d it go, tell me all about it?” Herc tried to pour all of those congratulations into his voice instead.

Merida [ @heart-of-dunbroch ]

Merida was sitting in the breakroom, her feet up on the coffee table and notes strewn everywhere. He had recognised them as the training manual for her qualification, but hadn’t said anything when he came in to make his cup of tea to go with his lunch. He watched with a frown as she kneaded so fiercely at her forehead he half expected to hear a yelp of pain. Not that she would, Merida would never, he knew.

But he could practically see the stress rising off her like steam. It had been there a lot lately, it seemed. He didn’t know if it was just trying to do the coursework for her qualification, or whether there was something else going on that she hadn’t told him about.

Maybe if it was someone else, he’d have laid his hand gently on her shoulder and asked her to talk to him, but here he knew that was a recipe for getting judo-flipped over the sofa and probably smashing the coffee table to pieces.

He scooped the teabag from his mug, and blew on the hot dark liquid once. Merida groaned under her breath at something.

When she looked up, Hercules was setting his mug down on the other side of the coffee table. “Hey,” he nodded. “What’s this?”

“Fookin’ health and safety liability bollocks-” she vented the pressure release valve. “It’s all bloody stupid! And it won’t go in!”

“Here-” Herc leaned forward and picked up one of the sheets lying abandoned on the table. “I’ll quiz you, you’ll have remembered more than you think. Ok, so-”

Boo [ @boointhenight ]

Kicking off his shoes as he stepped inside, Herc paused for half a moment. The TV was still playing, which meant Mary was probably still here. Ken had given him the heads up that she was coming over, which would be nice, except... when he’d seen her earlier that day at the gym she’d had dark circles under her eyes, and had been stalking about as if she was ready to snap. Not her usual self at all.

Marking season, was all she had said on the matter when he asked. She seemed so resigned to it, he’d wanted to wrap his arms around her, and be the solid ground that she could stand on for a second to catch her breath. She’d rushed off to go and get to class before he’d even had the chance to talk himself out of it.

“Hey-” he stuck his head around the living room door, “I’m making a drink did you want anyth-”

His voice trailed off as he saw her, lying flat on the sofa, one arm trailing down to the floor, her chest rising and falling as she slept, whatever horror film was playing still playing out some chase scene in the background.

Creeping softly, Herc collected the glass from the floor near her hand, and set it safely on the coffee table, before he padded off to his room. He returned, and shook out the spare blanket his Mama had insisted he had, one his grandmother had made that felt like home. He laid it gently over her sleeping form, then knelt.

Paper was strewn all over the floor.

She’d probably been marking when she fell asleep, but the pages were a mess. He glanced at the student number in the top corner, comparing pages... yeah. These were all in the wrong order now...

Settling himself on the floor, the ginger began to match the pages together, making sure each essay had stayed with its other parts, and that they pages followed the right numbers. Mary gave a soft huff in her sleep behind him.

Bruce [ @brucewhite ]

The silence hung terribly between them. Bruce seemed as if he could barely meet Hercules’ eyes. The guilt was still there, shining in them. Hercules’ chest felt like it was about to cave in.

All he could feel was the loneliness of it all. It was one thing when he had thought Bruce was here thousands of miles from home and the people he knew, but to be separated from your people? Your pod? Your entire culture? It made his heart physically ache with pain. And Bruce had to carry this alone, all of it. How long had he been carrying this on his own? And all of his struggles? All of that pain and loneliness?

Like a wave it washed over him - he flinched forwards ready to go to Bruce. To wrap his arms around him and hold him close and reassure him that it was ok, that he was still Bruce, that he still accepted him, that he ... he might not have his pod here but he still had his friend.

But Herc’s feet remained where they were, rooted to the floor.

Were mermaids huggers? He didn’t know. And what if Bruce hadn’t forgiven himself for the incident at the lake yet? Would having Hercules hugging him simply making him feel panicked, make him worried about doing something.

“I’m so sorry, Bruce-” he said instead. “I can’t imagine how that feels, being so far from your pod like that, I just-” he broke off shaking his head. “I’m really happy you told me, ok? If you ever need to talk about this, I swear, I’m here... I know it’s not the same but, I’m here for you.”

Plus

Michael [ @the-dashing-darling ]

“Oh c’mooooooooooon-” Michael howled when Hercules shook his head. “How was that not in it sounded like it was in!!!!” The younger man spun around on his heels and watched where the basketball was now bouncing away into the corner of the sports hall.

He had bet that he could make the shot throwing the ball back over his head, not that Herc had bet against him, but now the two were locked in this process of trying to make it happen.

“You were just, just like, a little tiny bit too far left-” he pinched his fingers together to show how close it had been. “You need to aim like that far more to your- wait... my right-” he corrected himself. “And that should be it.”

Michael took the next ball, that Hercules handed him, his brow furrowed in concentration. He took a few deep breaths to try and centre himself, then practiced the movement again, going through the motions of lifting his hands and throwing the ball over his head. He looked questioningly at Herc, his co-pilot.

“Should be good, you got this,” Herc nodded.

Michael nodded, then hurled the ball.

“NO! COME OOOON!” Hercules howled as the ball hit the rim and bounced off. “Rim?!!! Ok, ok, ok, it just needs that angle but like a tiny tiny bit further and we’re there-” he was practically bouncing from foot to foot as he handed Michael the next ball. Last ball before they’d have to go and collect all the unsuccessful ones.

Michael closed his eyes. It was all very dramatic. He practiced the movement a few times again, before lowering his hands. Opening his eyes, he nodded at Herc, then whipped the ball back over his head and -

“YES!!!!” Herc cheered as it sailed through the hoop. “NOTHING BUT NET BABY!” Michael spun immediately, seeing the ball bouncing away.

“For real? For real?”

“Yeaaaaah!” Herc wrapped his arms around his friend, who began to whoop.

“Hell yeah!” Michael yelled, bouncing up and down and throwing his arms up in the air, hugging Herc too. The pair of them, thumping each other’s backs, danced in a mad circle as they hugged.

#as literally always when I thought about inflicting feels I forgot that actually I am just inflicting all the feels on ME and not you all #one-shot #this is just an ode to him loving his friends so much #also like... I know that these days he and Ken probably WOULD hug #and he has other friends like Eilonwy and Simba who would be huggers but of his closest people far too many are not huggy people #and as always sincere apologies for borrowing your characters all and hope I didn't butcher anything too much #swyntask

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alexistudies · 2 years ago

Text

my first six months at purdue by @alexistudies

introduction/background

my first 6 months at purdue have been some of the most academically challenging months of my life since early in my undergraduate studies. if you're wondering why i am at purdue, it's because i am doing a post-baccalaureate research program. think of a master's program but 1) without the degree, 2) only one year long, and 3) fully funded - meaning courses & fees are covered and i get a decent paycheck every month. i chose to pursue this route instead of a master's program because i wanted to have a smooth transition from my undergrad discipline to this, and to confirm that pursuing biomedical engineering is truly something i want to do. moreover, all my master's program offers provided little to no funding so this also made the most financial sense.

research: what type of research i do + why its been an uphill battle

the lab i decided to join focuses on neural engineering using electrophysiology in mice to investigate ways of creating artificial sensation for neural prosthesis, while also looking at things like sensory encoding and deep brain stimulation for neurodevelopmental disorder treatment. because our work is in vivo, this means we learn how to do neurosurgeries of implanting electrodes in mice, then stimulation and recording while they're awake (and sometimes asleep depending on the project). this has been challenging to say the least because the surgeries require a lot of skill, tactfulness, and patience. plus, animals are unpredictable.

i joined my lab in july, started getting trained on the surgeries in august and began practicing in september. these surgeries require a certain level of skill and technique that i just haven't acquired yet, but we're trying! due to my struggles of surgeries being unsuccessful, some mice dying, etc... i haven't collected any data yet. however, i can tell that after winter break, i should be able to restart surgeries and collect data .. which would be GREAT since i'm presenting at a conference in February (probably)

grad school

despite the struggles with actual experiments and such, this has been great preparation for graduate school becauuuse we all know graduate school is a marathon and not a sprint. i was successful in submitting all my PhD and fellowship applications and i can't wait to see how things turn out. i've already had 1 interview event, and i've been notified of 3 others. things are looking up.

outside of the literal applications, i have taken 2 light graduate level classes on sci-comm and using citation management software. recently switched from mendeley to zotero and i can't say i'm mad about it. additionally, i'll be taking a more meaty course in the spring called Neural Systems. i'm looking forward to it content wise, i'm just hoping i can handle the coursework on top of interviews and research obligations. my planner will be my savior.

highlights

living on my own! super exciting and enlightening. very freeing. oh and seeing snow REALLY fall for the first time!

finding some cool coffee shops around campus

experiencing a campus with a lot of school pride and culture... you can't beat that. my undergrad institution was a commuter school catering to a different population, so that vibe wasn't present. this is a nice 180

presenting at ABRCMS

other struggles

rebuilding a support group here. i have my partner, my lab, and 1 or 2 friends but i'm really hoping to meet more people next semester. this will be crucial if i decide to stay here for my PhD

not having a car. whew its rough but we're making moves to get a vehicle soon. no later than August 2023

solid 7/10 if you ask me, but lets check back in after winter is over lol

#alexi does purdue #alexistudies #studyblr #studyspo #smartspo #studying #genspen #heygen #sprouht studies #morningkou #stemblr #scienceblr #collegeblr #uniblr #future gradblr

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lqfiles · 6 months ago

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hiii thank u for your kind words :( yesterday i fell asleep hoping u would answer cause i really like reading ur responses so i fell asleep at like 2am and i have volleyball practice at 9AM on saturdays, so i was SO sleepy i put my alarm in the calculator 😐😐😐😐 not funny did not laugh, anyways R didn’t go to volleyball practice and hasn’t talked to J yet, she does speak to me so i guess me yelling at her didnf psis her off as much as i thought it would, M never texts in our gc 😒😒 but its okay we love her, A talks to me too, its just between J and R that things are kinda… tense.

aw thank u so much :( im sorry if i don’t know how to take compliments bc i dont personally think im cute, but hearing u say it so many times makes it easier for me to be confident about it 🫶🏻🫶🏻 so thanks! i do find you to be really cute (and VERY funny) too !!!

also 2 week long holiday??? THATS GREAT im really happy for you!! how are you doing w school? any test or projects you’re working on? i still don’t understand this whole college thing… is it something u do during junior and senior year? or after you graduate?

also jisung is my bf and all but chenji overrated asf imo… people will focus on popular ships and turn their head away from a duo like markmin… i personally really like jaemin and hyuck’s dynamic too but anyways o did vote for markmin !! at least lqfiles appreciates them 🙏🏻

ps why does everyone think yn and mark are having sex??? 🤔

- 🐣 anon again…

HELLOOO i’m so happy to see you’re active here omg i hope you’re studying tho, DONT SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON HERE

i’m sorry if my response was late i normally only reply when it’s 11 pm here because i post at 12 😣 i also never knew you did volleyball WTFFF that’s so cool, i wish i was talented in a sport.. i mean i can skate well but that isn’t rlly a sport. IM HAPPY THAT IT DOESNT SEEM TO BE TOO BAD WITH YOUR FRUENDS tho i hope those other two will come around and stop making things so awkward 😭

LOLLL i’m sorry if me calling you cute bothers you btw it’s just that i always awe at your messages so i instinctively call you cute </3 i’m so you tho because i truly don’t know how to take compliments either, i always get shy, especially when it’s irl lmao but thabk you for thinking i’m cute and funny IM VERY HAPPY RN!!!!:D

school is almost finishing and i just submitted my last coursework for the school year so rn my class is just kinda doing anything! idk about other colleges but since i go to college in the UK we don’t do junior stuff and all, instead we have levels and (level 1,2,3) and here you can apply based on how good your grades are (if they were really good you can immediately start in level 3, if not you start lower) i’m currently doing level 3 year 1 (level 3 has two years over here) but i’m still figuring out if i wanna do this next year or just apply for an apprenticeship (basically getting education while also getting work experience)

CHENJI ARE CUTE BUT SO OVERRATED LIKE they barely interact and if they do it’s so little (imo) i’m more of a markmin girl because of the way mark treats jaemin, like jaemin is the same age as 00 so he treats them like friends but with mark he literally becomes a baby and it’s so cute i fucking love it IM SUCH A HUGE MARKMINIST YOU DONT GET IT, ITS MY BRAND, i should do a dream pair ranking tbh. THANO YOU FOR VOTING MARKMIN i think they lost regardless because they went against chenji (WHICH ISNT FAIR….) i love a bit of nahyuck too, not my fave pair but they’re funny tgt!!

I WISH I LJEW WHY EVERYONE THINKS SO guys pls if they were i would insinuate it more but laughing around and her asking to hang and her directly saying they only kiss.. COME ON…

#asks.#from 🐣 anon #( pay the price )

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aviewfrommercury · 11 months ago

Text

The day started like many others at around 5pm. The birds were singing (though few of them remembered the words) and many people weren't dead. There was nothing to foreshadow the events that would occur.

I had elected to spend that particular day empirically determining how many eggs I could stack on top of each other without them falling. My initial results suggested an upper-limit of zero, which, in what may or may not have been a coincidence, was also how many eggs I had.

But before I could figure out how to implement a double-blind trial, my housemate kicked down my bedroom door, ran in, opened my window, jumped out of my window, closed my window, kicked in my window, jumped into my bedroom, and collapsed into a panting heap in front of me.

Normally I would have bitten off one of his ears for bothering me without acquiring written permission at least a fortnight in advance, but the holiday season had put me in an unusually generous mood, and I instead decided to settle for merely putting a venomous scorpion in his pillow.

But my inner-debate on precisely how venomous it should be was put to pause when I saw the wild-eyed look on his face, and as he caught his breath he said "You have to help me!"

I replied "I don't 'have' to do anything, but tell me what you want so I know how much I'll enjoy not doing it."

"You don't understand! They're coming! They want me!"

"Who are? Who do?"

"The-" His voice fell to a whisper. "The Hot Singles!"

"what"

"They're in my area! They w-want me!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I was looking up stuff for my coursework, and I saw an ad that said hot singles within 20 miles from me wanted me, and I ignored it, but the next one said 18 miles, the third one said they were in the county, and the fourth said they were in my city! They're getting closer!"

"Why don't you just change the location on your VPN? Throw them off your location."

"I'm not using a VPN!", he wailed.

"Dude!"

"Damn my hubris!" He sank to his knees, beating his hands on his head.

"Welp. Sounds like you're screwed. Do you think you'd have time to pick up some eggs first?"

"You have to help me!"

"I really don't."

"Who'll pay my share of the rent?"

This was a good point.

I called for a house meeting. The household assembled, minus one of our housemates who was a cat. With everyone else present, the two of us began brainstorming. I brought out the whiteboard, and wrote "HOT SINGLES" at the top.

"Right." I began, "We need to act fast. We don't know how much time we have. The first step is to know our enemy. What do we know about the Hot Singles?"

"Well," my housemate said thoughtfully, "they're Hot."

I underlined "HOT". "Good. Anything else?"

"They're Single."

I underlined the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES".

"And... They're Hot."

I double-underlined "HOT". For good measure, I double-underlined "SINGLE" as well.

"Oh, and there must be at least two of them. Since it they're 'Hot Singles', not just 'Hot Single'.

I underlined the the second 'S' in "HOT SINGLES".

I took a step back and looked at the board. At the top was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. After taking a moment to admire my handiwork, I had an idea.

"What's the exact opposite of Hot Singles?"

"Horseradish."

"Precisely." I added "HORSERADISH" to the bottom of the board. "If we had an electric fence," I wrote down "ELECTRIC FENCE", near "HORSERADISH", and added a plus sign between them "we could coat it in horseradish to create a secure perimeter. If we had horseradish."

"What if we gave a radish to a horse?"

"Sounds like it would work." I added two arrows away from "HORSERADISH", pointing to a drawing of a horse and a drawing of a radish. "And if we had an extension cord, we could plug the fence into the mains. If we had a fence." I drew two arrows pointing away "ELECTRIC FENCE", to a drawing of an extension cord, and a drawing of a fence.

I took a step back again to take everything in. At the top of the board was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse, and from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, and from "FENCE" to a drawing of a fence.

Before I could spend too long admiring my craftsmanship, my housemate spotted a crucial vulnerability in our plan, and said "Wait. What if the horse eats the radish?"

"Shit. Good catch." I added a little thought-bubble to the horse, and drew its mouth taking a bite out of the radish inside. "Maybe... We could... Coat the radish in horseradish?" I drew an arrow away pointing at the radish, and wrote "HORSERADISH?" at the other end.

"Do horses dislike horseradish?"

"If we get the kind that's made from horses, the horse won't want to eat it. That would be cannibalism."

"What if it's a Cannibal Horse?"

"We'll need to make sure it's not a Cannibal Horse." I drew an arrow pointing towards the drawing of the horse, and at the other end, drew a cannibal horse. Then I circled the cannibal horse in in red, and drew a diagonal line through it.

Again, I took a step back to get an overview of the situation. At the top of the board was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse (with a thought-bubble coming out of its head, showing it eating a radish), and one from that horse to a drawing of a cannibal horse, which had a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it. There was another arrow going from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. That drawing had an arrow pointing at it, with "HORSERADISH" written at the other end. There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, and from "FENCE" to a drawing of a fence.

As I was admiring my artwork, I realised the images might be ambiguous to some people, so under the drawing of the fence, I wrote "FENCE". Under the drawing of the extension cord, I wrote "EXTENSION CORD". Under the drawing of the radish, I wrote "RADISH". Under the drawing of the horse, I wrote "HORSE". Under the drawing of the cannibal horse, I wrote "CANNIBAL HORSE". For clarity, where I had written "HORSE" under the drawing of the horse, I added "(NOT CANNIBAL)" afterwards. I added a small arrow pointing at that note, to and at the other end of that arrow, wrote a note saying "Find word meaning 'Not a cannibal'?".

Then I realised the board could be more accessible. So I took some Blu-Tak™, and under the words "HOT SINGLES" at the top, I added two dots, then a dot with one above it and another to its right, then a dot with another to its top-left and another to its bottom-left. Then a horizontal line of two dots, with one above the right dot, and one below the left dot. After a small space, I added two more dots, a two-dot vertical-line with a dot above and to the right of the top-dot, a vertical-line with a space and then a dot above the right-dot, a vertical line of three dots, a dot with a dot below and to the right of it, and another 2-dot vertical line with a dot above and to the right. Then, I added two Blu-Tack™ lines under the dots, although one of the lines stopped before reaching the final trio of dots.

Where it said "HORSERADISH" at the bottom, I added a few more dots, then ran out of Blu-Tack™.

I added a note in the corner of the board that said "Shopping list: Blu-Tack™. Eggs."

To make sure none of the labels were misinterpreted, I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" in blue, below the braille under the word "HORSERADISH" at the bottom, and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_Fence" below "ELECTRIC FENCE". Then I noticed that that was actually the wrong article, so I crossed it out and wrote "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_fence" below it. Then I added "Whiteboard eraser" to the shopping list. Then I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse" below the word "HORSE", and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish" below the word "RADISH". Next to the second instance of the word "HORSERADISH", I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" again. Then, I opened the the article on radishes, to check that my drawing was accurate. I crossed out the link, and was about to re-write it in purple, before I realised I didn't have a purple pen. So instead I rewrote it in blue, then wrote over the blue in red. Then I added "Purple whiteboard pen" to the shopping list. Then, below the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". Then, I drew a small arrow pointing at the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", and at the other end wrote a small note saying "Possible band name?". I added a small arrow pointing at that, and a note at the other end saying "Probably taken." Underneath the word "FENCE", I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence", and underneath the words "EXTENSION CORD", I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extension_cord".

I took a step back and reviewed the board. At the top was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. Beneath "HOT SINGLES" were two dots of Blu-Tack™, then a dot with one above it and another to its right, then a dot with another to its top-left and another to its bottom-left. Then a horizontal line of two dots, with one above the right dot, and one below the left dot. A small space, two more dots, a two-dot vertical-line with a dot above and to the right of the top-dot, a vertical-line with a space and then a dot above the right-dot, a vertical line of three dots, a dot with a dot below and to the right of it, and another 2-dot vertical line with a dot above and to the right. There were two lines of Blu-Tak™ under the dots, but one line stopped before the final trio of dots. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". Underneath that, "HOR" was written in braille in Blu-Tak™. Below that braille, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_Fence". The latter was crossed out, and had "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_fence" written below it. There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse (with a thought-bubble coming out of its head, showing it eating a radish), and one from that horse to a drawing of a cannibal horse, which had a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it. Below the drawing of the horse, it said "HORSE (NOT CANNIBAL)", pointed at by a small arrow that at the other end had a note saying "Find word meaning 'Not a cannibal'?". When I looked at that, I added "Dictionary" to the shopping list. Below the caption under the picture of the horse, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". Below the drawing of the cannibal horse, it said "CANNIBAL HORSE", and below that it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". There was a small arrow pointing at the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", and at the other end a small note saying "Possible band name?", with a small arrow pointing at that, and a note at the other end saying "Probably taken." There was another arrow going from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. That drawing had an arrow pointing at it, with "HORSERADISH" written at the other end. Underneath "RADISH", it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish", written in blue and crossed out, then written again in red, which had been written over itself in blue, to approximate the colour purple. Next to the "HORSERADISH" note, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, which had "EXTENSION CORD", written below it, and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extension_cord" below that. From "FENCE" there was an arrow to a drawing of a fence, with "FENCE" written under it, and ""https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence" written below that. In the corner, a small note said "Shopping list", and under it was written "Blu-Tack™, Eggs, Whiteboard eraser. Purple whiteboard pen. Dictionary".

As I stood in awe of my artistic vision, my housemate said "What if one of the Hot Singles is a cannibal horse? It didn't say that that none of them were cannibals. Or horses."

"Damn." I replied "That is kinda hot." And added" "And it might explain why those ones are single." without elaborating.

I drew a dashed line from "HOT SINGLES", down to the drawing of the cannibal horse, ending it with an arrow head, and added a few question marks around the line.

"So then", I said after a pause. "If some of the Hot Singles might be cannibal horses, we need to make sure we have a way of keeping them away from the horseradish. If they eat it, it would undermine our entire perimeter defence system."

"How are we going to do that?", my housemate asked.

"Let's brainstorm." I said. I pulled out a second whiteboard, next to the first, and wrote "HOT SINGLES" at the top.

"Right." I began, "We need to act fast. We don't know how much time we have. The first step is to know our enemy. What do we know about the Hot Singles?"

"Well," my housemate said thoughtfully, "they're Hot."

I underlined "HOT", on the second whiteboard. "Good. Anything else?"

"They're Single."

I underlined the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES", on the second whiteboard..

"And... They're Hot."

I double-underlined "HOT", on the second whiteboard.. For good measure, I double-underlined "SINGLE", on the second whiteboard. as well.

"Oh, and there must be at least two of them. Since it they're 'Hot Singles', not just 'Hot Single'.

I underlined the the second 'S' in "HOT SINGLES", on the second whiteboard.

I took a step back, and went over our progress so far. There were two whiteboards. At the top of the first was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. Beneath "HOT SINGLES" were two dots of Blu-Tack™, then a dot with one above it and another to its right, then a dot with another to its top-left and another to its bottom-left. Then a horizontal line of two dots, with one above the right dot, and one below the left dot. A small space, two more dots, a two-dot vertical-line with a dot above and to the right of the top-dot, a vertical-line with a space and then a dot above the right-dot, a vertical line of three dots, a dot with a dot below and to the right of it, and another 2-dot vertical line with a dot above and to the right. There were two lines of Blu-Tak™ under the dots, but one line stopped before the final trio of dots. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". Underneath that, "HOR" was written in braille in Blu-Tak™. Below that braille, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_Fence". The latter was crossed out, and had "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_fence" written below it. There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse (with a thought-bubble coming out of its head, showing it eating a radish), and one from that horse to a drawing of a cannibal horse, which had a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it. There was an arrow pointing at the drawing, with a dashed trail surrounded by question-marks, leading back to the words "HOT SINGLES" at the top. Below the drawing of the horse, it said "HORSE (NOT CANNIBAL)", pointed at by a small arrow that at the other end had a note saying "Find word meaning 'Not a cannibal'?". Below the caption under the picture of the horse, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". Below the drawing of the cannibal horse, it said "CANNIBAL HORSE", and below that it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". There was a small arrow pointing at the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", and at the other end a small note saying "Possible band name?", with a small arrow pointing at that, and a note at the other end saying "Probably taken." There was another arrow going from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. That drawing had an arrow pointing at it, with "HORSERADISH" written at the other end. Underneath "RADISH", it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish", written in blue and crossed out, then written again in red, which had been written over itself in blue, to approximate the colour purple. Next to the "HORSERADISH" note, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, which had "EXTENSION CORD", written below it, and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extension_cord" below that. From "FENCE" there was an arrow to a drawing of a fence, with "FENCE" written under it, and ""https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence" written below that. In the corner, a small note said "Shopping list", and under it was written "Blu-Tack™, Eggs, Whiteboard eraser. Purple Whiteboard pen. Dictionary". At the top of the second whiteboard was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. After taking a moment to be thankful for this glimpse at the divine , I had an idea.

"What's the exact opposite of Hot Singles?"

"Horseradish."

"Precisely." I added "HORSERADISH" to the bottom of the second board. "If we had an electric fence," I wrote down "ELECTRIC FENCE", near "HORSERADISH", and added a plus sign between them "we could coat it in horseradish to create a secure perimeter. If we had horseradish."

"What if we gave a radish to a horse?"

Again, I took a step back to look at things from every angle. There were two whiteboards. At the top of the first was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. Beneath "HOT SINGLES" were two dots of Blu-Tack™, then a dot with one above it and another to its right, then a dot with another to its top-left and another to its bottom-left. Then a horizontal line of two dots, with one above the right dot, and one below the left dot. A small space, two more dots, a two-dot vertical-line with a dot above and to the right of the top-dot, a vertical-line with a space and then a dot above the right-dot, a vertical line of three dots, a dot with a dot below and to the right of it, and another 2-dot vertical line with a dot above and to the right. There were two lines of Blu-Tak™ under the dots, but one line stopped before the final trio of dots. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". Underneath that, "HOR" was written in braille in Blu-Tak™. Below that braille, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_Fence". The latter was crossed out, and had "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_fence" written below it. There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse (with a thought-bubble coming out of its head, showing it eating a radish), and one from that horse to a drawing of a cannibal horse, which had a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it. There was an arrow pointing at the drawing, with a dashed trail surrounded by question-marks, leading back to the words "HOT SINGLES" at the top. Below the drawing of the horse, it said "HORSE (NOT CANNIBAL)", pointed at by a small arrow that at the other end had a note saying "Find word meaning 'Not a cannibal'?". Below the caption under the picture of the horse, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". Below the drawing of the cannibal horse, it said "CANNIBAL HORSE", and below that it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". There was a small arrow pointing at the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", and at the other end a small note saying "Possible band name?", with a small arrow pointing at that, and a note at the other end saying "Probably taken." There was another arrow going from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. That drawing had an arrow pointing at it, with "HORSERADISH" written at the other end. Underneath "RADISH", it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish", written in blue and crossed out, then written again in red, which had been written over itself in blue, to approximate the colour purple. Next to the "HORSERADISH" note, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, which had "EXTENSION CORD", written below it, and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extension_cord" below that. From "FENCE" there was an arrow to a drawing of a fence, with "FENCE" written under it, and ""https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence" written below that. In the corner, a small note said "Shopping list", and under it was written "Blu-Tack™, Eggs, Purple Whiteboard pen. Whiteboard eraser. Dictionary". At the top of the second board was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse, and from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, and from "FENCE" to a drawing of a fence.

Before I could spend too long admiring my craftsmanship, my housemate spotted a crucial vulnerability in our plan, and said "Wait. What if the horse eats the radish?"

"Shit. Good catch." I added a little thought-bubble to the horse on the second board, and drew i's mouth taking a bite out of the radish inside. "Maybe... We could... Coat the radish in horseradish?" I drew an arrow away pointing at the radish, and wrote "HORSERADISH?" at the other end.

"Do horses dislike horseradish?"

"If we get the kind that's made from horses, the horse won't want to eat it. That would be cannibalism."

"What if it's a Cannibal Horse?"

Yet again, I took a step back to check if there was anything I had missed. Again, I took a step back to look at things from every angle. There were two whiteboards. At the top of the first was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. Beneath "HOT SINGLES"were two dots of Blu-Tack™, then a dot with one above it and another to its right, then a dot with another to its top-left and another to its bottom-left. Then a horizontal line of two dots, with one above the right dot, and one below the left dot. A small space, two more dots, a two-dot vertical-line with a dot above and to the right of the top-dot, a vertical-line with a space and then a dot above the right-dot, a vertical line of three dots, a dot with a dot below and to the right of it, and another 2-dot vertical line with a dot above and to the right. There were two lines of Blu-Tak™ under the dots, but one line stopped before the final trio of dots. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". Underneath that, "HOR" was written in braille in Blu-Tak™. Below that braille, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_Fence". The latter was crossed out, and had "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_fence" written below it. There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse (with a thought-bubble coming out of its head, showing it eating a radish), and one from that horse to a drawing of a cannibal horse, which had a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it. There was an arrow pointing at the drawing, with a dashed trail surrounded by question-marks, leading back to the words "HOT SINGLES" at the top. Below the drawing of the horse, it said "HORSE (NOT CANNIBAL)", pointed at by a small arrow that at the other end had a note saying "Find word meaning 'Not a cannibal'?". Below the caption under the picture of the horse, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". Below the drawing of the cannibal horse, it said "CANNIBAL HORSE", and below that it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". There was a small arrow pointing at the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", and at the other end a small note saying "Possible band name?", with a small arrow pointing at that, and a note at the other end saying "Probably taken." There was another arrow going from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. That drawing had an arrow pointing at it, with "HORSERADISH" written at the other end. Underneath "RADISH", it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish", written in blue and crossed out, then written again in red, which had been written over itself in blue, to approximate the colour purple. Next to the "HORSERADISH" note, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, which had "EXTENSION CORD", written below it, and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extension_cord" below that. From "FENCE" there was an arrow to a drawing of a fence, with "FENCE" written under it, and ""https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence" written below that. In the corner, a small note said "Shopping list", and under it was written "Blu-Tack™, Eggs, Purple Whiteboard pen. Whiteboard eraser. Dictionary".

At the top of the second board was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse (with a thought-bubble coming out of its head, showing it eating a radish), and one from that horse to a drawing of a cannibal horse, which had a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it. There was another arrow going from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. That drawing had an arrow pointing at it, with "HORSERADISH" written at the other end. There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, and from "FENCE" to a drawing of a fence.

As I was struck by the singular nature of my unbridled talent, I realised the images on the second board might be ambiguous to some people, so under the drawing of the fence, I wrote "FENCE". Under the drawing of the extension cord, I wrote "EXTENSION CORD". Under the drawing of the radish, I wrote "RADISH". Under the drawing of the horse, I wrote "HORSE". Under the drawing of the cannibal horse, I wrote "CANNIBAL HORSE". For clarity, where I had written "HORSE" under the drawing of the horse, I added "(NOT CANNIBAL)" afterwards. I added a small arrow pointing at that note, to and at the other end of that arrow, wrote a note saying "Find word meaning 'Not a cannibal'?".

Then I realised the second board could be more accessible. But I was already out of Blu-Tack™. Where it said "Blu-Tack™" on the shopping-list on the first board, I added a little "x2".

To make sure none of the labels on the second board were misinterpreted, I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" in blue, below the braille under the word "HORSERADISH" at the bottom, and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_fence" below "ELECTRIC FENCE". Then I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse" below the word "HORSE", and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish"below the word "RADISH". Then I wrote over that URL again in red. Next to the second instance of the word "HORSERADISH", I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" again. Then, below the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". Then, I drew a small arrow pointing at the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", and at the other end wrote a small note saying "Possible band name?". I added a small arrow pointing at that, and a note at the other end saying "Probably taken." Underneath the word "FENCE", I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence", and underneath the words "EXTENSION CORD", I added "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extension_cord".

I took a step back and really let everything sink in. At the top of the first board was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. Beneath "HOT SINGLES" were two dots of Blu-Tack™, then a dot with one above it and another to its right, then a dot with another to its top-left and another to its bottom-left. Then a horizontal line of two dots, with one above the right dot, and one below the left dot. A small space, two more dots, a two-dot vertical-line with a dot above and to the right of the top-dot, a vertical-line with a space and then a dot above the right-dot, a vertical line of three dots, a dot with a dot below and to the right of it, and another 2-dot vertical line with a dot above and to the right. There were two lines of Blu-Tak™ under the dots, but one line stopped before the final trio of dots. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". Underneath that, "HOR" was written in braille in Blu-Tak™. Below that braille, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_Fence". The latter was crossed out, and had "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_fence" written below it. There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse (with a thought-bubble coming out of its head, showing it eating a radish), and one from that horse to a drawing of a cannibal horse, which had a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it. Below the drawing of the horse, it said "HORSE (NOT CANNIBAL)", pointed at by a small arrow that at the other end had a note saying "Find word meaning 'Not a cannibal'?". Below the caption under the picture of the horse, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". Below the drawing of the cannibal horse, it said "CANNIBAL HORSE", and below that it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". There was a small arrow pointing at the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", and at the other end a small note saying "Possible band name?", with a small arrow pointing at that, and a note at the other end saying "Probably taken." There was another arrow going from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. That drawing had an arrow pointing at it, with "HORSERADISH" written at the other end. Underneath "RADISH", it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish", written in blue and crossed out, then written again in red, which had been written over itself in blue, to approximate the colour purple. Next to the "HORSERADISH" note, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, which had "EXTENSION CORD", written below it, and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extension_cord" below that. From "FENCE" there was an arrow to a drawing of a fence, with "FENCE" written under it, and ""https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence" written below that. In the corner, a small note said "Shopping list", and under it was written "Blu-Tack™ x2, Eggs, Purple Whiteboard pen. Whiteboard eraser. Dictionary".

At the top of the second board was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". Underneath that, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_fence" written below it. There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse (with a thought-bubble coming out of its head, showing it eating a radish), and one from that horse to a drawing of a cannibal horse, which had a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it. Below the drawing of the horse, it said "HORSE (NOT CANNIBAL)", pointed at by a small arrow that at the other end had a note saying "Find word meaning 'Not a cannibal'?". Below the caption under the picture of the horse, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". Below the drawing of the cannibal horse, it said "CANNIBAL HORSE", and below that it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". There was a small arrow pointing at the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", and at the other end a small note saying "Possible band name?", with a small arrow pointing at that, and a note at the other end saying "Probably taken." There was another arrow going from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. That drawing had an arrow pointing at it, with "HORSERADISH" written at the other end. Underneath "RADISH", it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish", written in red, which had been written over itself in blue, to approximate the colour purple. Next to the "HORSERADISH" note, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, which had "EXTENSION CORD", written below it, and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extension_cord" below that. From "FENCE" there was an arrow to a drawing of a fence, with "FENCE" written under it, and ""https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence" written below that.

As I stood cradled within the focal point of the convergence of past, present and future, my soul the catalyst of the culmination of all things, my housemate said "What if one of the Hot Singles is a cannibal horse? It didn't say that that none of them were cannibals. Or horses."

"Damn." I replied "That is kinda hot." And added" "And it might explain why those ones are single." without elaborating.

I drew a dashed line from "HOT SINGLES" on the second board, down to the drawing of the cannibal horse, ending it with an arrow head, and added a few question marks around the line.

"How are we going to do that?", my housemate asked.

"I don't know." I said. "I only have two whiteboards."

"Shit." My housemate said.

"Yeah." I replied.

I added "Whiteboard" to the shopping list on the corner of the first board.

"Okay" I said. "Let's look at this another way. We know our enemy. But do we know our selves?" I added pinned photos of each of us to the side of the first board, and labeled them "SELVES".

"What?"

"It's The Art of War. You have to know your enemy, and know yourself."

"Is it?"

"Pretty sure it is. Hold on, lemme check."

I put the pens down, dug up Sun Tzu's The Art of War, and gave it a look.

After a while, my housemate asked "Did you learn anything?"

I said "Yeah. Three things."

"What?"

"One: Archaeologists think it's really cool when you dig up the original manuscript of Sun Tzu's The Art of War."

"Two: They don't like it when you steal it."

"Three: I can't read 5th Century Classical Chinese."

I added "English-5th Century Classical Chinese dictionary" to the shopping list on the first board. Although there wasn't enough space, so I actually had to add it above the words "shopping list", rather than below.

He thought for a moment. "Could you get a version in modern Chinese?"

"I can't read modern Chinese either."

"Then why did you think you might be able to read 5th Century Classical Chinese?"

"Because they're totally different languages! Just because you can or can't read one, doesn't mean you can or can't read the other!"

"Geez, okay. So the book's a bust, then?"

"Maybe not", I smiled.

"Oh?"

I held up an MP3 player with a flourish and said "Audiobook!"

"Great!"

But I didn't want go get the earbuds gross so I cleaned out my ears first. Then, I had a listen.

When I was done, I returned the situation room.

"Well?" my housemate looked expectant.

"I learnt one thing."

"You don't understand spoken 5th Century Classical Chinese either?"

"No. Well, maybe. I mean, what I learnt was that the narrator's accent was so thick, I really couldn't tell whether or not I could understand the language she was speaking in." I looked at the MP3 player. "Bit of a questionable choice for an audiobook there, gotta be honest."

"Well, while you were doing that, I had an idea of my own."

"Yeah?"

"So, you know how the door to your room was kicked down, and your window kicked in?"

"I do remember this, yes."

"I was thinking, that creates a pretty major weak-spot in the house security."

"I guess it does."

"But I worked out a solution."

"Go on."

"If I kick down and in all the doors and windows, respectively, no possible entrance will be weaker than any other, so there'll be no weak-spots!"

"That would explain why all the doors and windows have been kicked down and in, respectively."

"Actually, I didn't actually do it. I don't know how that happened."

"Ah."

I looked around.

I added "Doors" and "Windows" above the shopping-list on the first board.

I took a step back and went over everything we had so far.

At the top of the first board was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. Beneath "HOT SINGLES" were two dots of Blu-Tack™, then a dot with one above it and another to its right, then a dot with another to its top-left and another to its bottom-left. Then a horizontal line of two dots, with one above the right dot, and one below the left dot. A small space, two more dots, a two-dot vertical-line with a dot above and to the right of the top-dot, a vertical-line with a space and then a dot above the right-dot, a vertical line of three dots, a dot with a dot below and to the right of it, and another 2-dot vertical line with a dot above and to the right. There were two lines of Blu-Tak™ under the dots, but one line stopped before the final trio of dots. Photos of us were pinned at the side of the board, labelled "SELVES". The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". Underneath that, "HOR" was written in braille in Blu-Tak™. Below that braille, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_Fence". The latter was crossed out, and had "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_fence" written below it. There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse (with a thought-bubble coming out of its head, showing it eating a radish), and one from that horse to a drawing of a cannibal horse, which had a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it. Below the drawing of the horse, it said "HORSE (NOT CANNIBAL)", pointed at by a small arrow that at the other end had a note saying "Find word meaning 'Not a cannibal'?". Below the caption under the picture of the horse, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". Below the drawing of the cannibal horse, it said "CANNIBAL HORSE", and below that it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". There was a small arrow pointing at the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", and at the other end a small note saying "Possible band name?", with a small arrow pointing at that, and a note at the other end saying "Probably taken." There was another arrow going from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. That drawing had an arrow pointing at it, with "HORSERADISH" written at the other end. Underneath "RADISH", it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish", written in blue and crossed out, then written again in red, which had been written over itself in blue, to approximate the colour purple. Next to the "HORSERADISH" note, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, which had "EXTENSION CORD", written below it, and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extension_cord" below that. From "FENCE" there was an arrow to a drawing of a fence, with "FENCE" written under it, and ""https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence" written below that. In the corner, a small lit said "Doors, Windows" "English-5th Century Classical Chinese dictionary", "Shopping list", "Blu-Tack™ x2, Eggs, Purple Whiteboard pen. Whiteboard eraser. Dictionary. Whiteboard".

At the top of the second board was written "HOT SINGLES". "HOT" was underlined twice, and so was the "SINGLE" in "SINGLES". The second "S" in "SINGLES" was underlined once. Some birds had started building a nest on the corner of the board. The bottom of the board said "HORSERADISH + ELECTRIC FENCE". Underneath that, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_fence" written below it. There was an arrow pointing from "HORSE" to a drawing of a horse (with a thought-bubble coming out of its head, showing it eating a radish), and one from that horse to a drawing of a cannibal horse, which had a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it. Below the drawing of the horse, it said "HORSE (NOT CANNIBAL)", pointed at by a small arrow that at the other end had a note saying "Find word meaning 'Not a cannibal'?". Below the caption under the picture of the horse, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". Below the drawing of the cannibal horse, it said "CANNIBAL HORSE", and below that it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannibalism" and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse". There was a small arrow pointing at the words "CANNIBAL HORSE", and at the other end a small note saying "Possible band name?", with a small arrow pointing at that, and a note at the other end saying "Probably taken." There was another arrow going from "RADISH" to a drawing of a radish. That drawing had an arrow pointing at it, with "HORSERADISH" written at the other end. Underneath "RADISH", it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish", written in red, which had been written over itself in blue, to approximate the colour purple. Next to the "HORSERADISH" note, it said "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horseradish" There was also an arrow pointing from "ELECTRIC" to a drawing of an extension cord, which had "EXTENSION CORD", written below it, and "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extension_cord" below that. From "FENCE" there was an arrow to a drawing of a fence, with "FENCE" written under it, and ""https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence" written below that.

Finally, I had a realisation. "I've got it. To defeat our enemy, we must know our enemy. To know our enemy, we must become our enemy!"

"We're going to be Hot Singles? Because I was-"

"No, look." I pulled one the computers into the room, and began typing something up.

"I am a plural of Hot Singles who may or may not include one or more cannibal horses, looking for my match(es) ;)". I looked at it. It seemed like I was forgetting something.

Then I added "P.S. please bring eggs."

My housemate's eyes lit up as I finished. "That's it!" he said "If the Hot Singles stop being Single-"

"Their power will be nulliified." I concluded. "Now I guess we just need enough replies in time before-" And then a swarm of Hot Singles burst in through one of the windows and pulled my screaming housemate limb from limb.

Someone eventually responded to our ad, and I had to explain that the Hot Singles had moved on, but I also mentioned that I was looking for a new housemate, and they were good with rent and brought eggs, so all in all everything worked out great for nearly everyone.

The moral of the story is use a VPN or something.

Also, I crossed "Eggs" off of the shopping list.

Then I took a step back. There were two whiteboards. The first one said

#Hot Singles in your area #This is definitely the best thing I've ever written #eggs

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disasterlesbianeldritchhorrors · 3 years ago

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the true purpose of this blog will be an in-depth writeup of that one vocaloid album from 2013 i am convinced is about the last great time war. everything else is set dressing

#incidental travelogue #last great time war #can’t do it yet for a variety of reasons #not least of which is that there is coursework i really should be doing instead #but Someday you will all know why nothing on earth makes me go so hard as the last bars of haiboku no shounen

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archived-kin · 4 years ago

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you go to a devildom zoo and a penguin attempts to seduce you (the brothers are not happy)

note from kin: this was meant to be out way sooner but covid-19 and a whole lot of catch-up coursework said no to that idea >:(

anyway formatting on mobile is actual ass so let me know if this ends up unreadable!

enjoy, darlings!

fandom: obey me!

character(s): gn!reader, lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub, belphegor, diavolo (mentioned briefly)

pairing(s): demon brothers/reader, penguin/reader (one-sided), a bat also very briefly tries to seduce you

warning(s): reader really loves deadly creatures which i know isn't really a warning but just as a heads up for those who can't relate i guess??? also this is ended up WAY longer than i intended lmao

genre: fluff (but also crack)

oh the pure joy you felt when you found out that there are zoos in the devildom

zoos full of sphinxes, chimeras, hydras, krakens, manticores, basilisks and griffins, but zoos nonetheless

in fact, you’d argue that the fact that the zoos here are full of potentially lethal legendary beasts is even COOLER

so, naturally, you begged lucifer to let you go to one

his response?

“absolutely not, you could be killed.”

well now that’s just unfair

there are so many things down here in the devildom that could kill you! the heat, the food, the dragons just wandering around in the skies, your fellow students at rad, belphie, not sleeping enough, the stupidly narrow staircases, lucifer himself! in fact, you’d argue that lucifer has already come close to killing you more times than any of those creatures at the zoo

unfortunately that was entirely was the wrong thing to say because now lucifer’s gone all broody on you

you just KNOW he’s gonna spend all of next week either drowning himself in work or sulking in the music room if you don’t cheer him up quickly

so you guess it’s time to pull out the puppy eyes and hope that they work

spoiler alert: they do. you also end up being stuck in lucifer’s arms for about five hours afterwards as he cuddles out all of his negative thoughts, but that’s not a bad thing, so you’re not complaining

the next day, however, you are BACK on your bullshit

and you are back with a vengeance!

you are getting a trip to that zoo whether lucifer likes it or not and you will not rest until you succeed

your first idea is to go to diavolo for help because.... he’s diavolo and lucifer would listen to that demon before anyone, including himself

unfortunately that doesn’t work because diavolo is out on a business trip to the human world with barbatos

(which means your butler buddy, who could probably have helped you make your case, is also out of the picture)

you suppose that you could try getting simeon in on the scheme but you’re pretty sure he’d end up making it worse with his insatiable penchant for teasing lucifer

your final solution?

cry

and it worked a treat too!

lucifer is just a sucker for his human and he doesn’t like seeing them sad okay :((

he finally agrees to let you go to the big zoo just north of RAD since it’s directly under diavolo’s jurisdiction, but he also makes you promise that you’ll take at least one brother with you

(he’s hoping you’ll choose him)

but then you uno reverse card him!

jokes on you, lucifer, your human wants a family day out!!

lucifer would be lying if his heart didn’t swell slightly when you proclaimed you wanted all the brothers to come with you so that you could all spend the day together having fun

although you may have just made a mistake because now lucifer is going to do everything in his power to make sure the day goes perfectly, and if that means smiting the rude demon in line in front of you, then what about it?

(luckily you stop him from the killing someone before you’re even inside, but it was a close call)

the moment the eight of you step into the zoo satan whisks you off to look at the devildom equivalent of big cats

which means the sphinxes and manticores first, then the giant fire-breathing tigers

he’s planning to have a nice heart-to-heart conversation with you while the two of you stroll along the exhibit, but then you both get distracted by how cool the animals are

so the two of you just end up dragging each other back and forth to look at one creature after another

not the romantic scene satan initially had in mind, but he’d be lying if he said this wasn’t also absolutely perfect

holding your hand while you talk enthusiastically about how majestically that manticore leapt thirty feet into the air with your entire face lighting up like the most beautiful lantern in the world? stunning. outstanding. he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

meanwhile, back at the entrance, levi is sulking, mammon is fuming, beel is already stuffing himself with overpriced food stall delicacies, belphie has crawled under a bench to nap while he waits for you to come back, asmo is taking pictures with the extra long-legged flamingo billboard, and lucifer is so preoccupied with trying to figure out just how the hell the walking system here works that he hasn’t even noticed that you and satan have just disappeared into the void

in the end the remaining brothers split off into pairs, all agreeing that whoever is the first to find you and satan will get to have some one-on-one time with you next

and, drumroll please, that lucky pair turns out to be... beel and belphie!

(really they have an unfair advantage though since beel can smell out anyone he knows from a mile away)

meanwhile satan has just spent just about all of the grimm he brought with him on a hideously overpriced plush version of the manticore you were so fascinated with

but the smile on your face when he gives it to you?? the LIGHT that exudes from you when you declare that the plush’s name is now greenie because it has green eyes just like his?? worth it. absolutely worth it.

but uh oh, the moment is soon to be gone, because guess who’s here?

beel and belphie can’t let satan have all your attention! beel is a little more forgiving, but belphie is going to make sure he’s the first to get a kiss today, anti-lucifer club alliance be damned!

he’s not going to admit that of course. instead, he’s going to very subtly hip-bump satan out of the way so that he can hold your hand instead (beel can have the other hand, but if he tries to pull you away, he’s getting what-for.)

normally satan would be pretty miffed by this, but hey, he’s in a good mood right now and he doesn’t want to spoil the day by getting pissy, so he lets the twins get away with it. younger sibling privilege, am I right?

belphie wants to take you to his particular favourite exhibit here, the giant carnivorous cattle with horns the size of chair legs

beel, on the other hand, suggests that maybe you don’t want to see a gargantuan mammal tear apart a giant piece of meat that may or may not have been sourced from a human graveyard (the giant carnivorous cattle are picky, okay? at least they’re not murdering people for the meat)

you, however, are absolutely fearless

besides, what harm can a giant carnivorous cattle with horns the side of chair legs do to you when it’s being kept behind six inches of hellfire trench, with three of the devildom’s most powerful demons close by to swoop in to your rescue?

beel begrudgingly agrees to go see the giant carnivorous cattle, but makes you promise to stay slightly behind him so that he can jump to defend you should they get out of hand

your big strong demon standing in front of you, protecting you as you get to look at a super cool and also deadly creature? you are absolutely on board with this.

(satan is slightly concerned by your willingness to go near creatures that could tear you to pieces in a second, but if he gets to see you smile like that again then... well, what can he say, he’s a simp)

so off you go!

the giant carnivorous cattle are AWESOME. you get to watch a trio of them eat what appears to be an entire car in, like, two seconds, tops, and they don’t even look bothered by the metal disappearing down their massive gullets.

(you ask belphie in an undertone why the cattle are eating cars if they’re carnivorous. his response is that even giant carnivorous cattle need their minerals, so the zookeepers feed them a bunch of the metal stuff you get in human scrapyards.)

(sounds like an RSPCA violation to you...)

you’re practically tumbling over the fence as you lean forward to get a proper look at them and their adorable tiny wings, so belphie ends up having to pull you back

just as he does it, however, he has a very bright idea

so instead of gently tugging you back as he’d originally planned, he practically yanks you into him, conveniently slipping your hand out of beel’s in the process

listen, it’s not that belphie resents letting beel hold hands with you at the same time as him. a demon’s just gotta get his hugs sometimes, alright?

of course you’re a little miffed about being so violently yoinked, so you’re about to turn around and give belphie a piece of your mind, but then he pulls you close to him and nuzzles his nose into your hair

how are you supposed to scold him for that???

he seems so content and he’s even doing that adorable little purring thing demons do when they’re happy that he never does in public

you can’t just pull out of his arms! it’s probably illegal!!!!!

belphie gets a pass for being cute this time. only this time. no more.

(as an aside, this sort of thing happens at least once a day because belphie’s a whiny little baby who can’t go twelve hours without your love)

anyway now beel looks a little downtrodden which you are not having

your solution? wait until belphie lets go of you on his own and then you can give beel a hug of his own.

unfortunately belphie doesn’t seem interested in separating from you

luckily you don’t end up having to deal with that, because then satan steps in

partially because he feels bad for beel and also partially because okay that’s enough touching now, know your boundaries

which means it’s BEEL’S TURN TO SHINE

does this demon want you to die? because that is what’s going to happen if he keeps being so friggin sweet

first of all he buys you a bunch of treats from the nearby food stalls with his own money and offers every single one to you

is he on drugs? is that what’s happening here? what happened to the avatar of gluttony who ate first and asked questions later???

of course you aren’t going to be so cruel as to take every single one of the treats he’s offering when you can physically hear his stomach rumble as he holds them out to you

instead, you take a handful or so and tell him to eat the rest himself because he deserves it

beel almost tears up he’s so happy he loves you so much in that moment

some may say he’s being dramatic but beel says that every moment with you is a treasure and he has every right to be emotional

belphie is a teensy bit pissed that satan simp-policed him when he’s just as whipped but it’s beel so... he’ll stay down

satan, meanwhile, starts snapping pictures of you at every opportunity, most of them candids, to save to the album he has dedicated especially to you, and also to send to the brothers’ group chat to brag

asmo responds to each one with even more heart emojis than the last, levi always has some kind of jealous comment to make, lucifer stays silent (satan knows he’s saving the photos to his own gallery to gaze affectionately at later though), and mammon just keeps sending angry stickers and then quickly adding that they’re not aimed at you but at satan for having the audacity

anyway, the four of you end up leaving the giant carnivorous cow exhibit after spending a few minutes just sitting together on one of the giant benches while you and beel (mostly beel) eat the giant pile of food he purchased

(beel’s not evil so he offers satan and belphie some obviously, but he makes it clear that you’re getting first pick)

beel’s about to ask where you want to head next when

here comes trouble

and make it double

asmo and levi are IN the building (zoo)

levi, having gotten so antsy waiting for you to show up, disregards all subtlety and basically throws himself right at you, scoops you up, and takes off

leaving behind your poor manticore plush, a stunned satan, beel, belphie, and asmo, who immediately starts running after the two of you, shouting ‘hey, that isn’t fair!’

satan, belphie and beel are left to exchange disbelieving looks and attempt to follow

(don't worry about greenie, satan picks him up and vows to keep him safe until he meets up with you again)

meanwhile you are being quite literally swept off your feet

“levi. levi stop i can walk. levi i’m coming to aquarium with you. you don’t need to pull me. levi i’m getting a little dizzy over here. levi please”

luckily you are saved from your impending doom (because, realistically, there is no way mr hasn’t-exercised-in-several-millennia can carry someone halfway across the biggest zoo in all three realms without tripping) by asmo

now, asmo does not like exercise. it makes him all hot and sweaty (and not in the sexy way) and it’s just... not it. however, because it’s you, he will make an exception just this once.

so he grits his teeth, pins back his long-ass fringe with a cute butterfly clip, and runs for it

normally jealous-mode levi will not stop for anything, but a running asmo in the right situation is even more terrifying than a quiet angry lucifer, and a quiet angry lucifer normally means multiple people are getting burnt alive

so what does levi do? naturally, he stops in his tracks, lets out a scream of such a high frequency that he disturbs a flock of deathseye hawks nesting in a tree nearby, and almost drops you on your head

asmo immediately stops running, takes a moment to dab off any sweat on his forehead with his dainty little pink handkerchief, and lets his hair back down

because he is not exercising for a second longer than he has to

anyway, now that you’re not being torpedo’d halfway across the world, you can finally take a second to breathe and actually ask levi what he wants

he goes pink and stares shame-facedly at the ground and refuses to say a word, especially with avatar of lust ‘i like teasing my brothers to the point where it might be sexual harassment’ asmodeus Right There behind you

but you want your purple boy to be honest!! which means it is puppy dog eyes time again

finally, staring determinedly off to the side, levi mumbles, “you promised we’d go see the fish...”

oh your poor heart

you’re inclined to start pressing kisses all over his face, but you just know he will immediately blow up on the spot if you do in such a public area, so you settle on giving him a subtle hug and reassuring him that yes, you will go see the fish with him

now, asmo’s a hoe for attention, we all know that, but even he has his moments

so, making you promise to go see the birds of arcadia with him later, he departs with a wave and a very sneaky kiss planted on your cheek to let you and levi have your time together

thanks asmo

so off you and levi go!

the aquarium FUCKS

sorry that was too strong

the aquarium is GORGEOUS

it’s got this beautiful deep blue-green ambient lighting, and there are enormous tanks for the giant sharks that essentially make up the walls and ceiling

and there are SO MANY FISH!

rainbow fish, neon pink fish, fish with tiny markings that make them look like they have moustaches, fish with scales that change colour every five seconds, glow-in-the-dark fish, fish the size of a small car

literally any kind of fish you can imagine? they HAVE THEM

you’re almost too distracted to notice levi tugging aggressively on your sleeve

when you do, though, he quickly ushers you over into the tunnel exhibit, where the dolphins live

devildom dolphins look pretty similar to regular human dolphins, except they live in what’s essentially hydrochloric acid and are pitch black in colour with bright purple eyes

you’re pretty confused as to why levi wanted to drag you in here so quickly - you’d have thought he’d go for the goldfish, or the venomous water serpents, or even the special hydra exhibit they’ve got for a limited time

but then levi pulls you over to the very edge, taps his fingers lightly on the glass, and... starts clicking and chirruping?

you’re about to very concernedly ask if he’s feeling alright when something amazing happens

the giant male with scars all over it who, according to one of the signs along the tunnel, spends most of his time skulking as far away from the glass as possible and will eat any demon who comes too close, swims over to him

then, wearing the gentlest little smile, levi turns to you and tells you to say hello to captain

you almost yell out of sheer excitement, but you manage to collect yourself

instead, what comes out is an aggressively whispered:

"hello!! hi, captain!! it's lovely to meet you!! i love you!!!!"

and captain loves you too!!!!!

he swims right up to you and butts his nose against the glass

well you can't not immediately press your face against the glass as well so it looks like you're bumping noses with him can you???

so you do exactly that

all the while going "hello!! hello!! you're such a pretty boy!! what a handsome boy!!"

levi almost cries because you are just too perfect

you love captain? and captain loves you too? he seriously has to hold himself back from dropping to one knee and proposing right then and there

after taking a moment to get his heart to calm down, he translates what you're saying to captain, who immediately starts clicking back

and guess what??? captain says you're the prettiest!!!!!!!!! you’re the handsomest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now you're going to cry

you and levi spend ages in that tunnel together, just talking to captain and holding hands and exchanging little kisses now and then

levi is so in his element here in the aquarium that he isn't even as nervous and stuttery with his affection as usual

it's almost jarring, but are you complaining? absolutely not

when and levi emerge from the aquarium, both a little giddy and still enthusiastically talking about all the other creatures you said hi to after captain (who you are most definitely coming back to visit sometime), asmo is waiting outside so impatiently that he's getting a lot of irritated looks for his aggressive foot-tapping

levi wants to go see the reptiles now, but then asmo plays the 'i let you get away with having alone time, now let me have mine, bitch’ card

and to be honest levi's pretty sure that even self-proclaimed romance expert asmo can't top the mini-aquarium date you've just had with him, sooooo...

buying you a little keychain replica of captain just to get a final one over his brother, he bids you goodbye and goes off to the reptile house on his own, pulling on his headphones on his way so that he won't accidentally end up talking to some stranger again

it is now asmo's time to shine!!!

and so off the two of you head off to the birds of arcadia exhibit

however, it seems that asmo doesn’t have much interest in the birds themselves apart from for taking pictures with them for his devilgram

the birds are beautiful indeed, but guess what else is also beautiful? here is a short and concise list:

1. holding asmo’s hand

2. giving asmo kisses

3. receiving kisses from asmo

4. giving asmo hugs

5. receiving hugs from asmo

6. cuddling with asmo

7. sleeping with asmo (in the literal sense)

8. sleeping with asmo (in the not so litera—)

this has been a short and concise list of things that are very beautiful and you should absolutely do right this second (not ghost-written by asmodeus, avatar of lust, not at all)

anyway, it’s kind of hard to concentrate on that adorable neon striped pecker sitting close by to you when asmo is draping himself all over you like a damn scarf

it’s cute! it’s cute. but.... the birds...... you want to see the birds.........

in the end the two of you settle on a compromise: asmo will let you have some time to just look at the pretty birds as long as you keep holding his hand, and then the two of you will go and get matching face paint together

asmo’s kinda pouty about it at first, but he quickly changes his mind when he sees how enamoured you are by the birds

you really are too cute!! he just wants to scoop you up and cover you with kisses, but he’s already promised to leave that for when you aren’t in the middle of a busy public space

(he definitely isn’t the slightest bit jealous of them because he wants to be the only beautiful thing that you look at like that. he knows he’s prettier than those birds.)

(but, like... he’s still gonna puff up his chest a bit when he catches one edging just a bit too close to you. he may be the avatar of lust, but he does have his moments of jealousy as well… even if they’re at blooming birds.)

finally, when you’ve decided that you’ve had your fill of gorgeous birds, asmo immediately pulls you off to the face-painting booth

all the designs the demons managing it have come up with are pretty beautiful, so he’s not bothered about which one to get as long as you two are matching

which means you get to choose!!!!

at first he thinks you’ll ask for the super popular one that imitates the feather pattern of the most popular bird of arcadia, the lesser spotted spectra

but then you turn to look at him, think for a moment, turn back to the demon doing the painting, and ask if they do custom designs

asmo can only watch on, confused, as you and the demon whisper conspiratorially back and forth for five minutes

then the demon has started painting, and the cheeky little grin on your face is making him a little worried that you’ve deliberately asked for a really stupid design just to mess with him

but then, as the strokes and colours all come together, he realises something that might make him a little teary eyed. just a little bit.

the design you’ve asked for just so happens to be the gorgeous, swirling pattern of the avatar of lust’s pact mark

and it’s not just that, either. he takes a closer look and realises that the little flowers added around the edges are his favourite kind of rose as well

and THEN the demon doing the painting turns to him and tells him with a smirk that, by your suggestion, the paint he’s using has been enchanted so that it goes rainbow when you kiss the person who’s wearing it

oh, he really should have had more faith in you! this is even better than anything he could come up with!!!

(he takes about a million photos of you while he’s waiting for his own turn and sends at least a quarter of them to the group chat)

asmo is practically vibrating with excitement as he sits there getting his own face painted

and if you think he doesn’t drag you off to some secluded corner for a good half an hour just pressing little kisses all over your face and giggling when he pulls away and your face paint has gone all the colours of the rainbow, you are severely wrong

of course, he wants kisses as well. this is a give-and-take system and he wants just as much as he gives!!!

unfortunately, there is one disadvantage to spending so much time just canoodling

the others haven’t heard from you or asmo in a good hour and they are beginning to PANIC

mammon in particular is practically shooting off the walls and just constantly spamming you with ‘WHERE ARE YOU’ and ‘COME BACK’ messages

asmo doesn’t want you to go but he’s also kind of running off a high right now so he decides it’s okay and sends you off you find mammon with a cheery wave (and a love struck sigh once you’re out of earshot)

you find mammon just walking in circles in the communal area outside the cannibalistic not-zebras exhibit

he almost bursts into tears when you come up to him and tap him on the shoulder because it feels like he hasn’t seen you for what feels like hours and hours and he just,,, he missed you okay

after five minutes of him just furiously rubbing his eyes and refusing to admit why, he gathers himself and asks you what you want to go see

you have to think for a good long while because, while you’ve been to plenty of zoos in the human world and know by now the sorts of animals most of them have, devildom creature species are unpredictable

you could jokingly say ‘hyper-aware empathetic goose’ and they’d probably have one

but then you have a look around you and see the big map

and what is the first thing you see on that map?

‘vampiric venomous bats’

oh fuck yeah

mammon is a little concerned because the vvbs are known to randomly swoop down and attack the people who walk into their exhibit

he knows you can protect yourself!! but when you’re being swarmed by a horde of more than fifty giant bat creatures with enormous teeth full of venom that can kill you in seconds, there’s really not much you can do

and there is no expressing the amount of absolute misery that would descend on him if he let you get hurt

so instead, you make a compromise and decide to go to scheduled talk on the vvbs in ten minutes instead

normally mammon finds these zoo talks boring as all hell, but heck, if he gets to hold your hand for a whole forty five minutes without having to make an excuse to do so, he’s down

so off you go to the talk!

you’re having the absolute time of your life as the keeper shows you one of the more lethargic bats and describes exactly how it paralyses its prey with high frequency screeches and then kills it with a single bite to the neck

mammon, on the other hand, is honestly kind of spooked

that bat may be half-asleep, but it’s got the eyes of a murderer

so what if he shuffles a little closer to you every time the bat moves?? it’s not like he’s scared of it or anything! no way!

(please hold him or he may cry)

but then... DISASTER strikes

the keeper looks out across her bright-eyed audience, listening attentively to her explanation of how the vvb detects prey through the slightest vibrations in the air... and asks if there are any volunteers who want to hold it

everyone goes quiet. they’re all looking at the floor and avoiding eye contact like students who don’t want to be picked to answer a question in class. they may be demons, but even they know danger when they see it.

except...

mammon is just commenting to himself in amusement about how quiet everyone’s gotten when he looks to the side and practically feels his heart freeze

your hand has flown straight up into the air, and before he can pull it down, the keeper has called on you

mammon may be just as terrified of that bat as everyone else, but he isn’t going to let you go near that thing without him to protect you

the keeper looks a little befuddled as to why one of the most powerful demons in the devildom is following you up to the front like a very attached duckling, but luckily she goes along with it

first she gives you a super thick dragonhide glove to wear, just in case the bat gets violent

then she attaches the little lead around one of the bat’s feet to the end of the glove, so that even if it tries to attack an uncovered spot on your body, it’ll just get pulled back

(meanwhile, mammon, standing just behind you, is just barely holding back from bursting into demon form and wrapping himself around you to protect you)

and so, as you watch in anticipation and mammon in terror, the keeper slowly moves the bat from her arm to yours

at first it just kind of sits there and blinks and... doesn’t really do much

the keeper, however, seems very happy about this

“it means she already trusts you!!!”

and she tells you to try a simple little trick

“just flick your wrist up and she should swing down to hang from your hand!”

mammon is very pointedly whispering to you that that’s enough, you’ve held the bat, come on let’s get out of here

but you are determined to continue putting your life in danger, it seems, because you do exactly what the keeper says

and it works!!!

piki, which you have learned is the name of this particular bat, lets out a quiet squeak and drops to hang from one of the enormous fingers of your glove

you immediately go ‘wooAAAAAAAAAH’

mammon almost bites his tongue in half because of how on edge he is, but it turns out that he doesn’t need to be

because the bat turns to you, blinks once, and suddenly puffs up around the neck

you panic a little at first, but the keeper seems incredibly excited

“she’s displaying!!!!!!! she likes you!!!!!!!!!!! she sees you as a potential mate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

okay mammon is not having any of that

he is not about to be upstaged by a goddamn bat

and so the instant the bat and glove is removed from you, he grabs you by the hand and charges right out of that room, shouting something about it being urgent

leaving poor piki the vampiric venomous bat squeaking sadly because her new crush is gone

sad :(

now mammon is buying you a giant plush to make up for dragging you away like that

happy! :)

and you KNOW this means a great deal because mammon does not part with his money very easily. in fact, most of the time, one would have to physically threaten him into buying something for them

and the fact that mammon bought you a ridiculously expensive enormous plush that probably dug a pretty big hole in his savings without you even asking??? your heart basically melts on the spot

now you definitely can’t get angry at him for pulling you away so suddenly

so instead the two of you go to see the giant narwhals

you’re fascinated, but mammon is too distracted to even look at the narwhals

he just keeps staring at you looking so happy hugging the giant plush he bought for you so close to yourself with this giant dopey grin on his face

(s i m p)

he’s shaken out of his infatuated daze when he hears a camera shutter directly behind him

at first he whips around ready to fight because he’s expecting levi or asmo, but then he looks up slightly and comes face to face with none other than his beloved older brother

lucifer doesn’t even try to hide the tiny grin on his face as he very slowly raises his phone and takes a photo of mammon’s half shocked and half irritated face

mammon is so dumbfounded by how much kinder lucifer looks when he smiles like that. he doesn’t even recover in time to tell you who’s just showed up - you end up noticing by yourself

you should have given lucifer a bit of warning because the moment you turn around and and greet him with such a bright and happy smile on his face he is DECEASED

all you and mammon see is his cheeks going pink but let me tell you this man is screeching like a trapped possum on the inside

lucifer may act like he’s a Big Important Unfeeling Demon but everyone else knows that this man would quite literally bring you the moon if you asked (he probably wouldn’t be able to pull down the entire moon, but damn him if he isn’t going to try)

he has to stay silent for a moment because he knows that if he speaks his voice is going to crack and mammon absolutely would NOT let him forget that for the rest of his long life

once he’s managed to get his puddle of a heart back to a state where he can speak without sounding like the physical embodiment of being smitten, he’s quick to offer to take you to the nearby penguin exhibit

he’s paid attention to the messages he’s been receiving periodically from the other brothers throughout the day about the things you’ve been getting up to with them, and he has seen a pattern in the sort of creatures you like the best

that pattern is: the more deadly, the better, with bonus points if it still looks cute

and lucifer has been to this zoo enough times to know most of the best exhibits pretty well (especially since diavolo’s taste in deadly creatures is very similar to yours, so he knows that any of the demon prince’s favourites will probably end up pretty high in your list as well)

therefore he knows that the devildom’s penguins are about two and a half meters tall, with millions of retractable fangs in their beaks and venom sacs in their necks that they can spray so violently and quickly that they’ve become known as ‘venom machine guns’

and you are ALL ABOUT THAT

you’re so excited by the concept of these penguins that you don’t think twice before tucking your arm into lucifer’s outstretched one and following him off to the exhibit

leaving mammon pouting furiously behind the two of you

now, while the avatar of greed doesn’t dare to directly interfere with his older brother, he most certainly dares to inconvenience him

what does that mean? it means that mammon is immediately whipping out his DDD and shooting a quick message to the group chat specifically made without lucifer to let everyone know what’s going down

and, within ten minutes, every single one of the other brothers are heading right for the penguin exhibit as well

lucifer is in the middle of listening to you excitedly talk about piki the bat when he feels something hit him in the back

he turns to see, with great dismay, that the six other brothers have started following behind the two of you, and have begun taking turns throwing things at him. satan doesn’t stop even when he realises that he’s been spotted.

lucifer feels a vein pop in his cheek when satan manages to nail him right in the middle of the forehead with a screwed-up ball of paper

unfortunately for lucifer (and fortunately for the other six brothers), you quickly take notice of the group following behind you

the avatar of pride can only watch in dismay as you call out for the others to come join you to see the penguins

well, obviously, the others are coming now that you’re inviting them over!!

asmo immediately jumps to give you a little kiss on the nose just so he can see your face light up in all the colours of the rainbow again

(which earns several surprised noises from the other brothers since, while they knew from the pictures from asmo that the two of you had gotten your faces painted, they didn’t know the paint did that)

belphie subtly shuffles up behind you to give you a little prize figurine he spent way too long trying to win on one of the zoo’s mini claw-machine games, while beel attempts to find a stealthy way of sneaking the bag of treats he’s carefully sourced for you into your pockets, but ends up giving up on that and just hands you the bag instead

levi is still on a bit of a high from the mini aquarium date, so his face immediately goes fifty shades of red when he sees you, but instead of running off like he usually does when he’s flustered, he just offers you the WIDEST smile

satan is a little disheartened when he realises just how much bigger the plushie mammon got for you is than greenie... but who cares!! greenie is small and cute!! he most definitely isn’t puffing up slightly like an indignant owl when he sees you hug that plushie to yourself like it’s the softest thing in the world!! no sir!!!!!!

mammon is being kinda whiny about lucifer barging in and ruining your one and one time together, but then satan reminds him that they’ve all just interrupted lucifer’s one on one time with you before it could even really begin, and also points out (a little saltily) that, judging by the giant plushie in your arms, he’s already spent more than enough time with you

(luckily mammon isn’t exactly perceptive so he doesn’t pick up on it or else satan would be in for one hell of a teasing)

you, meanwhile, don’t miss the way that lucifer not so subtly presses himself closer to you as the eight of you are walking to see the penguins

so close that your arms are physically touching

it’s not like lucifer to be this clingy (well, clingy by his standards, anyway), but you aren’t going to bring it up considering that he would probably immediately move away out of ~pride~ if you did

unfortunately the other brothers don’t need you to point out lucifer’s behaviour to immediately start attempting to sabotage him

by the time you all get to the penguin exhibit, you’re surrounded completely by all seven of them, and they appear to be executing a genuine attempt to crush you if the pressure on all sides is anything to go off of

looking on the bright side of things, though, the penguins are SO CUTE

sure, they’re about nine feet tall with beaks full of millions of tiny serrated teeth and very toxic-looking feet-claws. but they’re ADORABLE

you love them so much!!!!!! but now the brothers are being big MEANIES and aren’t letting you get close to the fence

“those penguins can shoot venom up to twenty feet, we’re not taking any chances” so WHAT you just want to see the goddamn penguins!!!!!!!! you’ve survived countless near-death experiences down here, you can manage a bit of venom!

eventually your very pointed complaining finally gets most of them to relent (asmo is still against it, but majority vote says you get to get closer to the penguins, so HA) and you are allowed to go right up to barrier that separates the attraction from the spectators

you’re absolutely delighted, but the brothers quickly realise that their concerns about this whole thing were not unfounded

because that fucking penguin over there is totally giving you the googly eyes

levi is the first to notice - as the general of hell’s navy, he has a natural connection to all animals of the seas, even the ones that are only semi aquatic

satan notices soon after him - he’s been to plenty of ‘taming dangerous creatures’ club meetings, and he knows how to recognise attraction in animals

you yourself are pretty clueless until you suddenly notice that one of the flock is now sliding beak-first on its belly towards you

levi silently hopes you’ll be scared into leaving, but instead you just lean right up to the barrier (lucifer hurriedly grabs you by the arm before you fall over it) and whisper-shriek “hi baby!!!!!!!!!!!”

oh the brothers did not like that at all

but the penguin seems absolutely THRILLED

you’re pretty sure you see its eyes light up. like physically light up, not in the metaphorical sense - its eyes glow

(do devildom penguins understand human/demon speech?? you could swear from the penguin’s reaction to your greeting that they do, but when you ask satan about it later, he just scowls and shakes his head, proclaiming that devildom penguins have ‘a brain smaller than a tangerine and the motor function of a slightly bent paper clip’)

(damn satan you didn’t have to do the penguins like that)

anyway, this penguin, now thoroughly convinced that you are its destiny, hops to its feet, nods its head several times, then proceeds to start making the weirdest noise at you

you don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like a laser beam has been combined with a motorbike combined with a vacuum cleaner combined with levi when his favourite idol group releases a new song combined with that godawful screeching violin satan has been playing on repeat for two weeks just to annoy lucifer combined with, i don’t know, a turbo-charged printer or something. and then the whole thing’s been shoved through a dubstep filter.

it’s such a rattling sound that asmo, mammon, levi and belphie clap their hands to their ears, beel frowns so hard his entire face squishes inwards, satan recoils so far backwards that he’s about two feet further away from you than he was at first, and even lucifer actually physically flinches

(short break for a personal headcanon of mine but hear me out here: this man probably listens to nothing but full professional orchestra classical all day. he absolutely has that thing where his ears are sensitive to poorly played notes or just harsh grating sounds in general. you know, like how lan wangji and lan xichen in mdzs are physically repulsed by the sound of bad music? yeah that)

you wince slightly, but the pain in your eardrums is overpowered by your thrill about the fact that this penguin is actually talking to you

you smile wide and reply, leaning right up to the banister, “hello!! hi!! it's nice to meet you too!!”

if the penguin was happy before then it’s absolutely over the MOON now

it makes the weird honking sound again, nodding its head furiously at you, all the while shuffling closer and closer to the barrier

you are positively delighted by this development, but each of the demon brothers seem to be taking the penguin’s approach as a personal threat both to them and to you

beel’s expression is steadily scrunching up more and more in displeasure as each second passes, asmo’s glare could probably boil the penguin alive, and you’re pretty sure you just heard levi hiss at it

you turn around to try to tell them off for getting jealous over a penguin out of all things, but they are just not listening to reason

the penguin meanwhile is desperately trying to get your attention back by nodding even more frantically and honking so loudly that lucifer actually reels back a little

you try to turn back to it but then belphie decides that he’s going to shove his way right between you and the barrier and block the penguin’s line of sight

the penguin immediately sets up an extremely loud complaint, but belphie refuses to give it any rope at all

at this point the other brothers begin catching onto what he’s doing

mostly because of his weird twin telepathy thing, beel is the first to join belphie’s quest, with his giant frame being substantially more effective as a barrier, while asmo and satan work together to not-so-subtly start ushering the entire group backwards and away from the penguin

you’re attempting to protest, but lucifer is practically shouting over you about how interesting and fun you’ll find the giant giraffe exhibit, which just so happens to be on the other side of the zoo

the penguin is positively screeching at this point, but a moment later is suddenly goes silent. for a moment you’re afraid that one of the brothers have lost their nerve and actually killed it, but then you manage to spot it sliding away again around beel’s massive shoulder

turns out that, though his brothers don’t seem to care about his status and power placement at all, the avatar of greed’s glare is enough to silence even the most passionate of penguins

while the brothers exchange triumphant looks as they lead you away from the penguin exhibit, though, you’re more than a little upset by this whole ordeal.

the disrespect? abundant. the lack of sympathy? rampant. the audacity? sheer.

you make your displeasure very clear by scrunching up your face, crossing your arms, and refusing to respond to any of the brothers when they try to ask you something

goddammit, it was supposed to be a good thing that they saved you from the so obviously dangerous penguin, but now you’ve got them feeling bad

in the end, though, you still can’t stay mad at your boys for long

they all apologise (well, all of them except lucifer, whose pride will forever be his downfall, and belphie, who genuinely doesn’t think he’s done anything particularly wrong), and you can’t bring yourself to keep dampening the mood

so, with a short scolding that’s really little more than a light slap to the wrist to remind the boys that you don’t need to be protected from everything like some sort of delicate glass case despite how much they might think that’s the case, you’re back to your previous happy self

thank fuck

the rest of the day goes smoothly! the eight of you do indeed go to see the giant giraffes, which you actually get to feed, and beel somehow manages to knock down an entire row of rigged carnival targets to get you a pretty wooden carving of a super cool dragon

(you’re still not entirely sure how that happened but it was probably the sheer willpower)

you convince all of the brothers to take about three hundred photos with you in the cheesy green screen safari booths (it was mostly levi, lucifer and belphie who needed convincing, since beel and satan weren’t too fussed about it either way, and mammon and asmo were downright thrilled to do so)

lucifer buys the whole group matching keychains, despite the fact that they were pretty basic wood-and-plastic affairs but still cost a good fifty grimm each

(you’ve noticed that he seems to like doing that, considering the harrison porter keychain you’ve still got from that trip up to the human world back during the whole body swap fiasco)

he gets himself a fire-breathing peacock, mammon gets a gold-hoarding crow, levi gets a sea serpent, satan gets a good old regular cat, asmo gets a lesser spotted spectra, beel gets a manticore (since they’re known to eat more than three times their body mass on good days), belphie gets a giant carnivorous cow, and he begrudgingly lets you pick out the giant penguin design - as an apology for his actions earlier.

(you don’t fail to notice the slightly irritated looks levi and satan in turn both send the keychain as you tuck it safely into your pocket)

all in all

a lovely day out

10/10 would do again

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encyclopika · 2 years ago

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Abdhdh hi! I really want to go into marine biology, but it seems like there’s so little information out there about which specific programs or degrees take you in which direction (for ex. many programs I see are more environmentally focused and I’m more interested in sharks and cephalopods etc) do you have any tips on what path(s) to take and college programs/degrees to look into?

Hello! I got a similar question from @fish-themed-shitposter on my other ask, and I figure addressing you both would be the best so I don't miss anything. They're questions was: "It's my dream job, but I've heard the field is pretty competitive. Any advice before I go into highschool? What secondary education should I be aiming for?"

If you're passionate about learning and willing to make the commitment to work hard, that's the first thing you need. I'm not sure which countries you both are from, so I can only speak from my experiences in the USA. And, unfortunately, there is no "one-size-fits-all" approach to doing this. If you have a particular subject you're into, ie: sharks, use that as a jumping point and source of willpower to persevere. Honestly, allowing that interest to expand is my advice. For example:

My original dream was to go out and study sharks, but that is *so hard* to do. Everyone wants to focus on the big, charismatic megafauna. Oh you like sharks, and dolphins, and seals, and turtles? Get in line. XD Slowly, I expanded my interests into all fish and marine invertebrates, which eventually lead me into fisheries. Through fisheries work, yeah, I don't get to see and tag and study exclusively sharks - unfortunately, my biggest project right now focuses on the Striped Bass. But! There is always potential to see and deal with sharks, and that is definitely good enough for me. Try to generalize your dream so you have more options and paths that you would be comfortable and happy to do. Be flexible. Maybe instead of cephalopods, you're into their coral reef habitats? Maybe you're passionate about conserving them in associated fisheries? I'd recommend doing some reading in Google Scholar when you have time. Type in your passion animal, and look at what's being done for them in the field. Maybe you'll see something that sparks your interest even more.

If you're going into high school, and you're very sure about your goals to join the marine bio field, then maybe one day during this summer when you've got nothing going on, start searching on Google for colleges/universities that have great biology majors and marine science classes. Go nuts. Look at the University of Hawaii - who gives a damn? Just get a feeling for it. Make a dream list of the ones you would love to apply to, and look at what courses they require you take to complete the degree you'd pick. Then, make sure you take similar classes in high school. For instance!

Any sort of biology coursework is going to include Math, Chemistry, Physics, and Statistics - all things I hated - but they absolutely have been relevant in my career. As were "intro to bio" courses that covered the meat and potatoes of bio - cell bio, ecology, and physiology. Take those introductions in high school so that, when you get into college, you're not starting on the first floor. Use high school like pre-college. College is insanely expensive and I hope they eliminate student debt for you guys, but in the meantime, you don't want to have to pay for the same class twice. Those foundational classes that will feel like a slog and make you question your career decisions, will take up at least the first two years of your undergraduate career, alongside the "classes that make you a well-rounded person hopefully", like history, english, and foreign language courses that may be required (and you can absolutely just take them at your local community college for cheap - check out how transferring credits works). Again, look at what the school wants you to do to get that degree. See if any of those classes overlap with another major or minor (I did this with my Environmental Studies minor - it's worth doing if the only difference is like, one class that might be fun, but irrelevant. I took a class about Primate Conservation, but it ended up giving me a lot of conservation perspective anyway, so they're worth it). And yeah, look for courses that are just plain fun and up your alley - you'll never know how that fits into your life. I took a class about King Arthur, and I LOVED it. The professor was a riot! Maybe it made me a better writer? Being a good writer helped me land my current job, because grant writing is important. Who tf knows?

Then look at the courses that are actually relevant to you - the marine bio, the fish ecology, the invertebrate zoology, whatever - they offer and what they entail and how that fits into your goals. If you're into cephalopods, you probably want to go somewhere that offers courses that focus on invertebrates in whatever capacity. Also keep in mind that you should also pick a type of bio you are into, as well. I was always into ecology (how ecosystems work is fascinating!) and that leads into conservation, which, put together with fish, equals a job in Fisheries Management and research on commercially important species, fishing gear, and the industry. Go down the rabbit hole and see what you come up with.

Look at the faculty of the bio and/or marine bio departments. Each one is not going to just be a teacher, they are also the head Principle Investigator (PI) - the head scientist, if you will - of their own lab, usually. See what they're researching right now. Look at what they have researched already - chances are, they have a passion animal or topic that they have zeroed in on, and if that matches yours, you should bang on their door and ask when you can volunteer to help around the lab when you're accepted at their university/college. Perhaps see if there is undergraduate research credits you can take on and get your feet wet doing real science on an "easy" project the PI has for an undergrad. And remember, just because the PI's interests match yours, doesn't mean other PIs won't be better suited for you. Some of them are actually assholes, and you shouldn't stay in a lab run by an asshole because you're desperate. In undergrad, any experience in a lab is a good thing, even if you're the poor bucket-cleaning shmuck. Someone's gotta clean those buckets! It's important! Oh, and read their scientific journal articles and get a feel for exactly what they do - it's flattering for them and shows your commitment when you've done that homework.

Internship opportunities and organizations that focus on your passions are places you want to apply to and get real job experience, whether that's over the summer, or you work it in between classes. Maybe you're into marine mammals? Volunteer with the local marine mammal and sea turtle rescue/rehab place. Maybe you love talking nonstop about the ocean and everything - look into educational jobs at aquariums, zoos, and other non-profits that do education or kids camps outdoors.

You do not absolutely need to have an even higher degree (master's, phD) in order to be in this field. There are plenty of places looking for technicians with a bachelor's to do grunt field work and there's nothing shameful about being the one doing it if you love it. A master's may open doors for you that include a little more research, you may be able to write grants, or be put in charge of the grunts in the field. A PhD may land you work with a university or big lab doing important research. Who knows? You go as far as you can. Life will get in the way. Do not sacrifice happiness in other spaces in your life because this is your dream. If you keep at it, it should come in whatever capacity. I refused to leave New York, so my job search was extremely limited but...I wanted to be with my now-husband. Life happens!

And my best advice of all? Don't give up. One bad grade isn't going to ruin everything. Pick yourself up and keep trying. When I earned my Master's, I had to get a job at Walgreen's to make money while I waited for opportunities to open up. It was degrading af. But you don't give up. You get on the internet everyday and apply to jobs, programs, state tests - throw as much shit at the wall and something is bound to stick (you'll learn that in your stats classes! XD).

Don't give up. But accept when and if your interests change. It could happen. You could wake up late for Physics again and say "ya know what? Fuck it. Time to switch to the Business major" and that's totally valid. Don't stick with something just because young you thought you loved it. This is really hard to do.

Anyway, if you make strides, I'd love to hear all about it. I am proud of you for even going for it. Feel free to message me anytime. ^__^/

#marine biology #I am sorry this is so long #but I said I didn't wanna leave anything out!#make your dreams a reality #change your goals when they don't suit you anymore #study hard

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kass-storycorner · 3 years ago

Text

An unpleasant surprise

I should definitely do my coursework instead of writing this fic, however the idea just came into my head and I couldn’t focus until I wrote this down. Writing this took waaaay longer than I anticpiated and it was way more spontanious... so it’s not proof read or anything, still hope you’ll enjoy it.

The idea/prompt: character is secretly in love with you, but won’t tell you because you are already in a relationship with someone else. Character however finds out that your partner is cheating on you – this is how they would react/act upon finding it out

Word count: 3637 Words (I’m sorry)

Character: Kaeya x gn!reader (in this it’s still very platonic and one sided love) Genre: Angst (?), Hurt, Comfort, even a bit of humour but maybe not, idk haha

Content warnings: cheating, threats, mention of blood and a major injury, mentioning of Dilucs and Kaeyas past, but nothing to explicit (tried to avoid the major spoilers)

Format: The first part / backstory is written in bullet points, but at the end you’ll find a fic written in the normal text format

He just wanted to drown his sorrows in peace at the Angel’s Share, but no. He had to be witness to that disgusting display of infidelity of your (hopefully soon to be ex-) boyfriend

Kaeya has known you for several years now, both of you started around the same time in the Knights of Favonius. The early years of your training were some of the most fun times Kaeya had- thinking about it always made him smile. Both of you were known from the beginning as rule benders, mostly breakers, within the Knights and if it weren’t for the influence of Kaeyas adoptive family none of you both would’ve gotten that many chances to stay until each of you proved their own worth without familiar ties.

However, in the last few years you both grew a bit more distant. Kaeya blamed himself entirely for it, after Crepus death he knew he should not have any emotional ties to anyone in Mondstadt, at first he ruined the relationship with his brother by telling him the truth. He then just tried to avoid you more and more, which wasn’t easy, because after Diluc quit his position as a Cavalry Captain Kaeya rose up to his position – only to have you as his subordinate.

It was not until you were on a mission with Kaeya that went horribly wrong, that Kaeya realised his feelings for you never were platonic, he was in love with you since the early days of training.You are his first love.

That mission was more of a secretive one, a few months after Diluc had left Mond and Crepus died, and one of the first bigger outings Kaeya had to lead as a Cavalry Captain. And the first mission without his brother by his side. The dragon Ursa resurfaced and continued to cause harm to the people of Mond, so Grand Master Varka gave Kaeya the responsibility to find that Dragons lair.

Instead of finding the hiding spot of Ursa, Kaeyas troop stumbled into a hiding spot of the, at that point not known as, Abyss order. That was the last time Kaeya went into a mission without information he himself collected and checked, because looking back it was so obviously a trap. How did he not notice it back then?

The fight was brutal and exhausting – somehow it was a miracle that the only Knight dangerously wounded was you. At least that is what the other Knights who were on that mission too would say, thankful that the worst they had to suffer from back then were a few scars at most. Hearing anyone talk about it enraged Kaeya, though he would never show it. It was because you were the most skilled fighter in that troop, even without a Vision Kaeya was sure that at your peak back then you could’ve bested him even now. But because of one of his mistakes, he did not care to watch his own back, maybe because he knew you would protect him, it was you who was injured and not him.

In that moment, seeing you unconscious on the floor laying in your own blood because you protected him, Kaeya understood his feelings for you.

After bringing you back safely to Mondstadt, and you thankfully not dying because of the injuries, Kaeya became even more distant. At first he wished to be able to tell you his true feelings after you’ve woken up, but he just couldn’t. When the healers and doctors gave the news that the injury was so severe that you would never be able to fight again, or even walk down the streets of Mond without being in pain – Kaeya thought the guilt of keeping that secret from Diluc and Crepus for years was unbearable, but the guilt he felt from being responsible for this? It pained him even more.

You stayed in the Knights, taking over administrative tasks and helping every other department of the Knights in the best ways you possibly could.

What surprised Kaeya is that you were never bitter about it. You never said it was Kaeyas fault, even went out of your way to constantly reassure him after you got the news that he shouldn’t blame himself for it (until this day he refuses to listen to you). Your smile and laughter didn’t stop after it, which he never could understand.

How were you able to be so happy and kind when your dream of leading your own troop just – vanished. To travel around Teyvat, see the world. When you weren’t able to do the things, you loved on your own, like going to Windrise to pick some of your favourite flowers.

Somehow, Kaeya thought, it was because of that guy. He never liked your boyfriend to begin with, but Kaeya thought maybe it was his jealousy that clouded his judgement.

He came into your life shortly after the incident and Kaeya remembered the first time he saw you two together – holding hands, you looked so smitten and the way you laughed when he leaned down to whisper something into your ear. After seeing that Kaeya knew he could never have something like this in his life. Not if its not with you.

Kaeya didn’t spend much time with you outside of the Knights anymore, though he would always have a conversation with you when you came up to him or he had to visit your office. Whenever he saw you outside of the Knights, you were always with your boyfriend, sometimes stopping and having a quick chat with Kaeya. Sometimes he wished you would stop being so nice to him.

Now seeing that disgusting piece of shit of a boyfriend sit in the corner of the Angel’s Share, with his hands all over some young thing made Kaeyas blood boil.

How dared he, the man who should be so lucky to have you, have his eyes and hands on another woman.

Also it’s a good thing that Diluc is not at Angel’s Share today, he was also a close friend of you back in the day and even though the friendship with Diluc didn’t survive his three years absence, Diluc would definitely throw that bastard out

Kaeya was astounded by the audacity your boyfriend had. He never had a high opinion of him but seeing that man openly flirt and make out with a woman that was not you, so obvious for everyone to see… in a bar that was frequently visited by your colleagues and friends. If it weren’t for the fact that he was cheating on you Kaeya could maybe muster up some respect for a man who had so clearly a death wish. Eyeing him from the corner of his eye, Kaeya kept observing that situation. How the hands that always held yours in public were touching all over the body of that unknown woman. How the mouth that told you sweet nothings over and over, told you that he loved you, was occupied with kissing the neck of another woman. That whole display just filled Kaeya with disgust. The loud giggles of that woman in his lap filled the Tavern and that was the moment Kaeya decided he had enough. Calmy, he finished his drink, stood up from the bar and made his way over to the table. “You surely don’t mind if I join you two”, Kaeya said in a nonchalant manner, sitting down opposite to the couple. “Oh, Sir Kaeya!”, the young woman giggled, clearly intoxicated, and embarrassed by the way Kaeya eyed the two. Quickly they both shifted, so the woman sat now besides your boyfriend. The way the cheater looked at Kaeya, it was quite amusing. A mix of fear, shock and uneasiness filled the eyes of him. It filled Kaeya with a weird sense of pride, knowing that being caught by him was something that scared him. “Seemed like you two had quite some fun back here”, Kaeya smugly started his interrogation. It was not unusual for Kaeya to use the Angel’s Share as his interrogation room – the casual setting and the alcohol made it so much easier sometimes for people to spill all their secrets. Especially when Kaeya could just be so charming. What Kaeya interested the most was if this was the first offense of the cheater or if that behaviour was a more… regular occurrence. It was at least for him the first time he caught that man red handed. Getting some information out of the girl was quite easy, she was so eager to tell the Cavalry Captain all about the two. Though from what Kaeya gathered the whole thing between her and your boyfriend was quite fresh. “You two really seem like a fitting pair”, Kaeya replied after a long ramble of that woman on how she was just so in love with your boyfriend. His voice sweet and smooth as silk, not showing how the anger inside him grew. It was just not fair, not fair to you. “Hey,” Kaeya began and eyed the empty glasses on the table, looking then back at the woman. “How about another round of drinks, it’s on me. Would you be so kind and go to Charles and order a few?”, again his voice was charming as ever. “No, no, Sir Kaeya, that’s too kind, but another drink won’t be necessary. It is quite late; don’t you think flower? We should get going”, the cheater chimed in and Kaeya nearly lost his cool when he heard him call the woman ‘flower’. Whenever Kaeya met you and him on his patrols around Mondstadt he always heard him call you ‘flower’. Fucking bastard, is all Kaeya could think before the voice of the woman protested the cheaters concerns. “Nooo, just one more round. How can you turn down Sir Kaeya, love? Just one more, please”, she looked at him with pleading eyes and he just sighted. “Fine”, he said and with that the woman was on her way to the bar. Kaeya now hoped that Charles would keep her occupied long enough so he could find out everything he wants to know from that cheater. His eye shifted from the woman who made her way to the bar to your boyfriend who sat directly across Kaeya. Now completely alone and vulnerable, for his shield left his side. The tension in the air seemed to be unbearable, Kaeya could see how uncomfortable the silence and his curious glance made the cheater. But Kaeya knew – sometimes saying nothing says it all. Helplessly your boyfriend looked over to the bar only to see that the woman he was with was now totally engrossed in a conversation with Charles. After a few minutes, that might have felt like hours to that cheater, he broke the silence. “So,” he tried to start a conversation, clearly not knowing that he fell right into Kaeyas trap. “What gives us the honour to be invited by the Cavalry Captain?”. “Oh, I think you might be smart enough to come up with an answer yourself,” Kaeya replied, keeping up a smile. Though the look in Kaeyas eye was just as cold as the top of Dragonspine, causing the other man to shiver. “As much as it honours me that you think of me this highly, I sadly have no idea what would make the renowned Sir Kaeya sit down at my table tonight.” “Oh, so this is how you want have this conversation”, now his voice was just as cold as his look. “I don’t understand what you mean.” ‘Bullshit’, Kaeya thought. “I’ve been just curious about that woman that just sat so prominently on your lap earlier this evening, she seems to be not the same I saw you hold hands with earlier this day.” “As nice at it is that the Cavalry Captain seems concerned for me, it isn’t one of the Knights duties to pry into the lives of citizens, now, is it?” Oh, how confident the cheater now sounded, thinking he was winning that conversation. Kaeya couldn’t deny that the entire situation made him furious and that he handled it a bit differently than he usually would if he were to talk with drunk treasure hoarders. “Oh, we’re awfully bold now, are we? Believe me the Knights don’t care about your infidelity, though I guess a certain one might find it awfully interesting to know how you spend your nights.” There was a short moment of silences between the two men, the tension just rising. “Well, they wouldn’t believe you. But if you want to go and be a telltale go, I won’t stop you”, the man gave as an answer. His words did not fit his body language – bold words, but his body was tense and Kaeya could see the fear behind the eyes of the man. But it was not fear of losing you, no he seemed to be quite confident that this would not happen. Kaeya said nothing, he just looked at that man, piercing him with his ice cold look. “You see”, he continued, “I wouldn’t be sitting here in Angle’s Share with that lovely company if I thought they might believe the words of any low-rank Knight coming in their office, believing their lies. Quite sad what pranks some people want to play on them, don’t you think?” Slowly, but surely, Kaeya understood that this tonight was definitely not the first offense of that man. And he now understood why most of the Knights here tonight just looked away from the scene, not batting an eye at what was going on. Kaeya could kick himself in the ass, how did he not notice the behaviour of that rodent before him earlier? If he was so open about cheating on you that even most of the other Knights knew, how come that he did not? “And I think its just so sad, that one of the people they hold in such high regards would join in on those baseless accusations, don’t you think Sir Kaeya? I mean it would be so disappointing for them to find out that you tell them such a lie, only because you just don’t like me.” If Kaeya wasn’t a Knight, if he weren’t Kaeya right now, if he hadn’t to uphold a certain image… the floor of the Tavern would be painted with the blood of this absolute bastard. Oh, how Kaeya wished he could lose his cool. “If you say it like that, then I guess I won’t tell them a word,” Kaeya replied. “I’m glad you understand”, the cheater smiled, the fear in his eyes now subsided and he seemed to relax a bit. At that Kaeya just leaned forward, his look cold and his voice even colder. “You are telling them.” The man just scoffed, looking confused at Kaeya. “Why should I?” Kaeya now coming closer, his voice more threatening than before. “Do you really want to find out, if you don’t?”. Kaeya leaned back, smiling and at that moment the woman came back with the drinks. The face of the man was just pale as snow, the fear back in his eyes. “Oh, thank you dear”, Kaeya said when she places his drink before him, and he took a sip. If your boyfriend is smarter than he seemed to be after fooling around with that woman in public, it would do him good to do as Kaeya said.

Dealing with the pain in your leg was something you were used to now for a few years, but the pain in your heart today… you somehow would prefer a broken leg over your shattered heart. Your eyes were fixated on the documents before you, though trough the tears in your eyes you could barley make out what they said. What they were even for. How could you ignore it for so long, that he cheated. That he fooled around with any woman in Mondstadt willing to be with him. This sleezy asshole. The tears fell down on the paper, you couldn’t care right now what important piece of documents you ruined with your tears. How, how, how??? Why were you so stupid to believe him when he always said that all the people that came to you with their concerns must have been mistaken. Why did you believe him over and over again. You couldn’t stop thinking about how the first person coming to you was Outrider Amber, so nervous to even say anything. How you just laughed her worries away, saying she definitely was mistaken. How after Amber again and again told you how sure she was. Had you just listened to her. Then maybe you wouldn’t feel so humiliated. If you just hadn’t listened to that damn liar. In that moment you heard a knock on the door. Quickly you wiped your tears away with your sleeves, clearing your throat. “Come in,” you said, though you were shocked at how hoarse you sounded. Stepping into your office was Kaeya, but when he saw your red eyes and tear stained face, he quickly closed the door behind him. “Are you alright?”, he asked in such a soft and kind voice. Since you woke up in the infirmary all those years ago you hadn’t heard him talk in that voice. You couldn’t help it, it made you immediately tear up again. Throwing your head into your hands you just couldn’t stop the uncontrollably sobs that took over you. You didn’t even notice that Kaeya was kneeling beside your chair until he felt his hand on your back. “Hey,” you heard him say, again in this soft voice. “It’s alright, let it out.” And you did. For a while you just sat there, crying and sobbing until you ran empty. The whole time Kaeya was on your side, saying nothing. He was just there and somehow, even after you two grew apart in the past years, after all that happened – Crepus death, Dilucs disappearance and return, your injury. Even after all it did not feel awkward to just cry and look for comfort at his side. After all, you still were friends. Slowly you calmed down, looking up to him. “I was so stupid, Kaeya. So many people came to me, told me what they saw, who he was and I- I just ignored it. I ignored it all, my feelings and-“, you felt the lump in your throat, making you stop speaking. It was just too much. “You’re not stupid,” he said, taking you in his arms. It felt so good to just melt into the hug. Just trying to forget the pain for a few seconds, slipping back into the familiarity of Kaeya you haven’t felt in such a long time.

Kaeya on the other hand couldn’t stop asking himself if what he’s doing here was alright. Was it okay to comfort you, he asked. If he hadn’t basically threatened your, obviously now, ex-boyfriend last night to tell you the truth, he might have been met with your bright smile today and not that painful expression. But it was the right thing to do, you deserved to know. You deserved for that guy to tell you, although he should have told you the truth out of his own free will. Not because Kaeya got involved. “Thank you”, he heard you mumble into his chest. “For what?” he asked, both of you now parting from the hug. “For just… for being here. And for being a friend”, you answered, again wiping tears away. Kaeya couldn’t help himself and chuckled at that statement. A friend, yeah. That is what he was and what he must be fine with. However, he didn’t really expect you to view him as one, after all that happened and how much he tried to avoid you in the past. “Well, I have been an awful friend the last years, haven’t I?”. Your eyes shot up, looking directly into his eye. “No, what makes you think that?”. You genuinely looked surprised at his statement. “Well,” he gestured towards your leg. Before he could even say anything, he felt your hands cup his face and looking at him sternly. “Kaeya Alberich, how often do I have to tell you this. What happened to my leg is not your fault, please stop taking blame for it. It was my choice to join you on that mission.” For a short while you both just looked into each other’s eyes until Kaeya couldn’t stand it anymore, a sigh leaving him, and he looked away. “How come that I want to comfort you and you just end up telling me something I just can’t seem to learn.” He stood up and then he saw it. You smiled at him. A sad smile, but a smile, nonetheless. “One day you’ll hopefully learn it”, you said. “Now, to make up for this”, pointing at your leg, trying to joke, “and for threatening a Mondstadt citizen, I think you should get me something from Good Hunter.” Kaeya was surprised. How did you know? He couldn’t even ask you, you already gave him the answer to the question that was so clearly written all over his face. “He literally begged me, after telling me the truth and breaking up with me, that I made sure you wouldn’t hurt him.” Now Kaeya gave out a small laugh, partially because he felt a bit embarrassed by you knowing, but also the thought of that arrogant asshole being so afraid of him amused Kaeya. “And, what did you tell him”, he asked, now back with his more playful tone. “Mmmmmh, I told him I’ll think about it.”

#genshin impact fan fiction #genshin #genshin fan fiction #kaeya x reader #kaeya fanfiction #genshin angst #kaeya angst #genshin hurt #genshin comfort #how do you tag fan fiction help #reader insert #gender-neutral reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin x reader #angst #hurt #comfort #kaeya alberich

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poetrusicperry · 3 years ago

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the poets and their first summer jobs

i’ve seen some discourse about how rich all the boys/their families are, and of course there would be like very little reason for them to work, but i couldn’t help wondering who would do what for their first jobs (summer jobs bc they couldn’t work while they’re at school). andddd that led me to writing this lol

neil: so neil would have like absolutely zero time for a job between all his normal coursework/extracurriculars and his summer classes (”you know me, always taking on too much”), but i guarantee you he would still take the time to get a job and have his own money to do with whatever he chose. mr. perry wouldn’t care much because it showed neil “taking initiative” or whatever. neil would likely work at a diner as either a bus boy or a waiter. he’s super personable, so he’d always strike up conversations with people sitting at the counter, and he’d get loads of tips bc he’s cute (: he’d bring his summer school work with him to do during lulls in business, which his boss didn’t mind because it’s neil and everyone knows how responsible he is. the poets would come visit him pretty much every day (to eat, see neil, and escape the heat in the air conditioning), likely taking up a whole booth, and making an absolute mess of the area. charlie would be making spitballs, aiming at cameron and knox every time (earning a “charlie, knock it off, i told you three times already! so mature of you, really.” from cameron) and meeks/pitts would try to see how many straws they could connect to make “ultra straw.” todd would come hang out at the counter when neil was closing, admiring his pretty bf as he worked (’: neil would always make todd a chocolate milkshake with whipped cream and rainbow jimmies on the house, claiming, “we have to empty out the ice cream machine anyway” (but really he’d take the cost out of his paycheck, just wanting to make todd happy). his boss would hire him back every summer, loving how much business neil drove in (even if the poets made a mess every time they hung out and ate) and absolutely adoring how much effort neil put into what anyone else would seemingly call a “meaningless” job.

todd: you can’t tell me that todd wouldn’t look forward to working. especially during the summers, it would get him out of the house and away from his parents judging his every move. being the shy introvert he is, he’d likely do things like mowing lawns or gardening for people around his neighborhood. minimal interactions, but still decent pay (as all the people in his neighborhood were likely super rich and could afford to pay him well). the poets’ parents would hire him, after much convincing from their sons (”todd’s just trying to make some money, dad. please?”) and todd would appreciate this more than they ever knew. he’d become super familiar with flower types and he’d become a lot more nurturing after taking care of plants and grass for multiple summers. he’d keep a little journal or notebook with drawings or sketches of the flowers he’d taken care of, complete with descriptions and magazine/newspaper clippings from his mom’s better homes and garden subscription (a lot of his poetry would become nature-related as well). it would be his late night project, or something he’d do if he couldn't sleep (which was pretty common for todd). he’d call neil on the phone some nights and just gush about all kinds of flowers or tell neil how he accidentally got stung by a bee and cried about it because he knew the bee would die (all the while, neil would be listening so intently, taking note about which flowers were todd’s favorites for future use (’: the calls would have to be pretty planned, bc if neil wasn’t working, he was doing school work, or his parents were keeping an annoyingly close watch on him. but sometimes neil would call him impromptu and that made todd just the happiest little camper ever). todd’s nails would be really short (he’d cut them really often because he doesn’t like the feeling of dirt under his nails), which means he couldn’t bite his nails anymore, causing him to pick up a new anxious habit of biting the inside of his bottom lip ): overall, though, todd would like his job, and even find pleasure in being surrounded by little flowers all day. also if/when neil ever got the chance, he’d absolutely tag along to see his sweaty boyfriend in action (come on, neil would go absolutely nuts for todd in a cutoff shirt, 5″ inseam shorts, and converse mowing a lawn looking all manly and tough).

charlie: obviously, charlie wouldn’t need to work because of his financial situation, but his mom would 110% make him get a job just so he wouldn’t be around the house causing trouble/bothering his siblings for fun (”i’m hosting a lot of book club meetings for the country club this summer, i can’t have you putting spiders in the ladies’ hats again, charles”). similar to neil, mr. charlie dalton would work his summers at an ice cream/custard stand. he’d have to wear a white, short sleeve button up, a red and white striped apron, and one of those white, rectangular hats (his least favorite part HAHA, stating, “my hair is one of my best features and this just takes it all away. it’s unfair.”). the poets would visit often, both for ice cream, but primarily to give him a hard time about his uniform (”i’ll give you twenty bucks to wear this on our first day of classes” meeks would tease, completely gobsmacked when charlie showed up to their first chemistry class in his uniform, earning lots of demerits, but also twenty dollars). charlie would hate it at first, but obviously he’d adjust, being the extroverted/personable person, not taking himself too seriously and being one of the best ice cream slingers anyone had ever seen. he’d give the cute girls (and boys) extra scoops of ice cream for free, winking as he handed them their orders. like neil’s boss, charlie’s boss was even more thankful for charlie’s presence because they’d likely be raking in at least triple the income they would in a summer without him. he’d become a sundae expert, spending many dead poets meeting making them for his friends while they read poems and stories. that being said, he’d come to hate eating ice cream, publishing an article in welton’s honor demanding that they remove ice cream from their dessert menu (yes, almost exactly like the “girls at welton” prank, but he’d make the call collect this time. mr. nolan would be fed up to the point where he wouldn’t even punish charlie physically, just suspend him from rowing [which charlie wouldn’t mind at all HAHA]).

meeks & pitts: after their hi-fi success and the fact that they are seemingly inseparable, they both sought out jobs at the local radio station where they were hired as interns/assistants, running errands and picking up coffee or lunch for the station. but sometimes, when they worked pretty late, the night shift dj would let them pick the records and show them how everything worked (: after nights like that, meeks and pitts would go to one of their houses and add modifications to their hi-fi radio, staying up all night modifying and researching (by the end of the summer, they had made another hi-fi (portable) and their og hi-fi would have been morphed into a huge nationally reaching radio that they keep in the cave (since it would be disallowed in their room at welton). another job that the two of them would have would be answering calls for the station about song requests. with this knowledge, charlie and the other poets would hang out at someone’s house, calling and requesting the same songs over and over and over again. their biggest task for the summer would be organizing the shelves with all the records into alphabetical order (”duh, we should go by first name, meeks. which other way would it be” pitts would argue, only to find out that after they had spent about three weeks alphabetizing by first name, they were supposed to go by last name. “now who’s the idiot?” meeks would jeer, beginning to pull the records off the shelves). they’d also learn a lot about music from their night shift coworker, which would help in their quest to woo some ladies the following school year.

cameron: cameron liked spending his summers doing research projects for fun and just reading a whole lot, so you can imagine his displeasure at when his parents asked him to get a job (presumably to help with paying for his schooling). while upset about it, he wouldn’t complain, and took it on the chin, understanding the reasoning. he’d apply to a couple places, but ultimately end up as a grocery store cashier/stock boy. much like charlie, he’d have the same kind of uniform, but with a green apron instead. he’d spend most of his shift ringing people up at the register, being friendly and personable (something no one ever really realized about him !!). the poets’ moms would always see him and choose his register on purpose, using it as a chance to catch up or tell him to tell his parents that “the overstreets say hello!” or “mrs. anderson says hi!” pitts, meeks, and charlie would utilize cameron’s position at the supermarket to buy nudie magazines unembarrassed/slightly illegally HAHA (”come on, cameron! it’s not like you won’t be included in seeing them next year, too. we bring them to the meetings, you know that!” charlie would say, leaving cameron at a loss, reluctantly scanning the magazines and bagging them as pitts and meeks sniggered). charlie would wave, blow him a kiss, and wink as they left, “love you, richardddd.” sure enough, the magazines would make an appearance during the following school year and cameron was glad he had decided to let them buy the magazines lol.

knox: out of all the poets, i feel like our knoxious would be the least inclined to work (yes, even less inclined than charlie). his parents wouldn’t even make him get a job because he simply didn’t need to, but to everyone’s surprise, he would volunteer at the animal shelter. the poets would later find out that it was a great way to meet girls (which is why he did it lmfao so they endlessly goaded him about it). charlie would visit often, and even took a rescue puppy home, much to charlie’s younger sister’s delight. charlie even wanted to start volunteering at the shelter to also meet girls, but he was too busy at the ice cream stand (plus, he had really grown to like it there so he didn’t want to leave). another effect of volunteering made knox super interested in zoology and animals, which brought out a newer, more nurturing/caring side to him, and who knows, maybe he’d go vegetarian somehow. he’d want to pursue a career in animal science or becoming a veterinarian, but mr. overstreet was hellbent on knox taking over the firm, so it seemed like a pipe dream. knox would continue to volunteer at the animal shelter, well into his career as a lawyer, and would even go to veterinary school in his 30s (when he was a nationally famous, established lawyer) to get certification to work with animals in a broader way (:

hope you guys liked these. it was pretty fun to write, and i'd pay such good money to see neil, charlie, and cameron in their uniforms (and todd, but that’s neither here nor there). happy thursday !! let me know what you guys think of these <3(:

#dead poets society #dead poets in nyc #dps #dps headcanons #neil perry #todd anderson #anderperry #neil and todd #charlie dalton #richard cameron #steven meeks #gerard pitts #dark academia #headcanon #angelina writes

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elumish · 3 years ago

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do you have advice for choosing between a PhD vs staying in industry as a recent grad?

Hmm. Okay I am maybe not the best person to ask because my current state is "both". As of right now I'm working full time while doing a remote PhD at a British university. But here's my thoughts in general:

PhD programs differ a lot between countries. At least in the social sciences, which is where I am, PhD programs in the US are basically all full time, with 2-3 years of coursework requirements, which means you either work or you pursue a PhD. In general, you will get funding through your program, including a stipend, and there will be a corresponding work requirement--generally TAing, though it could be a research assistantship.

In some cases, you don't get money, or you aren't guaranteed money, which means that you could have to do a year or more not only without a stipend but having to pay tuition. I think this is more common in the social sciences than, say, the hard sciences, but don't quote me on that. That was the situation I ended up in, and I wasn't going to pay for a PhD on my own with no job, so I got a job instead.

As I understand it, British universities are much less likely to give money, and it's especially hard for international students to get money, but tuition is also a lot cheaper, and some British universities allow for part-time study (which is what I'm doing). This is possible in part because British PhDs don't involve coursework--they're only research.

I'm at a job where they give me tuition assistance, which in my case is actually covering basically my full (part-time) tuition costs, which means it's way preferable from a financial standpoint to stay in my job while doing my PhD. But it's hard, and frankly right now I'm scrambling a little bit because I'm kind of behind where I should be.

There's also the question of why you want to get a PhD. I love research, and I also may want to go into academia in the future, which is a lot easier to do if you have a PhD. But you have to really want it, or you have to be in a field where you absolutely need it.

Tl;dr: consider 1) can you get money to get a PhD, and if not, can you afford it? 2) is getting a PhD something you really want to do? Because it's not really something you will enjoy trying on a whim; and 3) will the program you're considering suit your needs (coursework vs just research, full time vs part time), or is there a better option for you (a masters, a professional certification, doing research on your own)?

#elumish blogs #academia

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midnightkens · 3 years ago

Text

To Know

The first time Natasha has the thought, she’s seven years old.

The dress is stuffy; the collar feels like a weight around her neck and Mama scowls when Natasha reaches up to tug at it. “For God’s sake, bambina,” she sighs. “Can you give it a rest? You can take it off in a few hours. You know what your father will say if he catches you playing with it again.”

At seven years old, Natasha already knows many things. She can create circuit boards, mentally solve equations that send adults running for their calculators. Yes, she knows many things, but the first thing she ever learned? Howard Stark isn’t a good father. As far as she’s concerned, Jarvis is her father. Natasha knows better than to say all of that. Instead she allows her gaze to wander around the room, taking in the sights of all the other girls in dresses and the boys in their suits.

“I wish I could be a boy,” Natasha tells Mama. “They get to wear suits and I have to wear this dumb dress.”

Mama laughs, and Natasha’s heart soars, though she’s not quite sure why her mother is laughing. She doesn’t laugh much, but it’s one of Natasha’s favorite sounds. “Don’t be silly, sweetie,” Mama says, readjusting her hair bow. “You’re such a pretty little lady.”

Pretty little lady. The words leave Natasha feeling nauseous, and for the first time in a long time, she can’t figure out why.

At eight and a half years old, Natasha cuts her own hair. It’s short, a mop on her head, and when Mama shrieks that she looks like a boy and what have you done to your beautiful hair? Natasha grins in satisfaction. Jarvis fixes it and gives her a soft smile. Jarvis doesn’t care that Natasha prefers jeans and t-shirts over dresses, doesn’t care that she cut off her long, curly hair. He loves her just as she is.

When he takes her to the full length mirror to take a look, Natasha’s heart flutters happily and she can hardly contain the rush of excitement. Yeah, she thinks. This is right.

Natasha gets detention for refusing to wear a skirt when she’s eleven years old. Pants are more comfortable, she insists. The boys get to wear them!

Dad shouts at her over the phone, hisses that she’ll never be a boy. Natasha aches for the ground to swallow her up, drag her down to the endless void where she doesn’t have to be anything. The words rise in her throat, I’m not a girl, I’m not a girl! But they die as quickly as they rise. At eleven years old, Natasha knows many things. She’s in high school at eleven years old, nearly on her way to college coursework. Natasha doesn’t know how she knows this, but it’s the most important fact that resides in her brain.

Natasha Stark is not a girl.

Her body is wrong. When her voice should begin to deepen it remains high pitched, a soprano note that Jarvis and Ana gush over and that she wishes desperately did not exist. Her body begins to grow and change in ways that Ana had told her it would, but Natasha had just snorted and not paid attention to any of it. Her body begins to curve and her chest begins to grow and she bleeds. Natasha spends more time locked in her bedroom, absorbed in her robots so that no one can look at her and her horrible body. Her dainty, feminine, wrong body.

Jarvis and Ana whisper about her. They’re worried. Whenever they ask her about it, Natasha comes up with an excuse. I miss Mama and wish she would come home. Dad was being a jerk again.

Rich families are cutthroat. If Natasha doesn’t conform, behave exactly how they all want her to, she’ll be an outcast. She’ll be sent away to one of those horrible camps a girl at school was talking about and Dad would make Jarvis and Ana stop talking to her.

Keeping Jarvis and Ana was almost worth all of the wrongness.

Almost.

That same year, Natasha comes across the word transgender in a book she’s reading. It’s not often that she has to look something up. On a Thursday afternoon, after days of contemplation, she makes the trek down to her school’s library. The other students giggle when they spot her, Natasha the freak, and she sneers at them before turning to the card catalog. It takes what feels like hours to find what she’s looking for. LGBT 306.76. She follows the numbers, dives deep into the nonfiction section and frowns. It’s a small section, but she’ll make do. There she spots a book, She's not there : a life in two genders. Natasha pulls it off the shelf, reads about this person who everyone assumes to be a girl but really is a boy. There he defines the word Natasha saw, the word transgender: a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.

It comes in waves, the realizations and relief and all of it. Everyone around her thinks that Natasha’s a girl, but something inside of her screams wrong! That’s wrong! She’s never had a word for it. And there are more people just like her? Natasha takes the book to a table and reads feverishly, taking notes.

She’ll never be able to do anything about it, but the more she reads, the more Natasha’s convinced of it. She’s transgender. Not wrong or horrible or broken.

Transgender. Natasha has more research to do.

She’s thirteen and alone in her room, staring at herself in the mirror. Mama says that she’s turning into a beautiful young woman, albeit not as proper as she would like. The last bit is always said with a tiny smile, so Natasha knows that Mama is joking. Mostly. And dear old Dad? Well, that bastard isn’t even around, so what does he know?

The bruises on her ribs scream in agony, but Natasha swallows down a hiss of pain. Howard isn’t here, but she refuses to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he could break her someday. She may be broken, but at least she has Jarvis and Ana.

Jarvis and Ana, who teach her how to cook. Jarvis and Ana who don’t hit or shout when she burns banana bread and nearly starts a fire, who laugh with her and choose her.

Ana bought her these clothes, these jeans and a black t-shirt that’s just a bit too big on her petite frame and brand new Chuck Taylors. Alone in her bedroom, Natasha pulls her hair back grinning at the sight in front of her. She doesn’t see Natasha, or a pretty little lady or a proper young woman. The image in front of her is young, and a bit too earnest, and dammit, Natasha, why are you crying?

The image in front of her is a boy. He looks about two years younger than her, but she can work with it. Weak, fragile Natasha is gone. In her place stands a boy, an exuberant, funny, genius of a boy. The boy and Natasha reach out; their fingers touch, and Natasha feels more at home than she has since she was eight and a half, her waist-length hair clumps on the floor.

Natasha knows what her name should have been. Mama told her years and years ago, and it felt like it was hers. Anthony. Anthony Edward Stark. “Anthony.” Natasha whispers the name, crossing that line at last. After this there’s no going back. No more Natasha and dresses and bows and heels and skirts. There will only be Anthony and his jeans and t-shirts and sneakers, Anthony and his deep voice and his rightness.

Anthony moves his fingers away from the mirror, lets go of his long hair and the illusion shatters. In front of him stands a girl, a weak, broken girl in boy’s clothing. Who is he thinking? He can’t be Anthony. His mother would never speak to him again; Howard would toss him out on the streets. He’d be all alone. He wouldn’t even have Jarvis and Ana.

He’ll call himself Anthony, he decides. Or maybe even Tony. Anthony’s too posh, too formal, everything Howard loves and all things he hates. Yes, Tony. Tony sounds good, sounds right. He’ll answer to Natasha and wear the frilly dresses and play the part of a nice young woman. The thought sends waves of nausea so fierce that his knees buckle, but Tony can do it. He’s going off to MIT next year. Just one more year and he can be free.

Tony doesn’t last a year. Before his fourteenth birthday he’s in jeans and t-shirts, long hair pulled into a ponytail or braid. Howard hates it, tells him he looks like a rat and a slob, but what does he know? Mama’s away on longer and longer trips, which means longer stretches where he doesn’t have to wear those horrible dresses. Everyone still calls him Natasha, and he bites back a snarl and an My fucking name is Tony every time, but he manages. The masculine clothes don’t ease all of it, but they help.

MIT is a godsend. For the first time in his life, Tony is free to create his robots, live out from under Howard’s thumb, and finally be himself. The media hounds him, but for the first time in his life Tony doesn’t care. He cuts his hair again and rumors about him being a butch lesbian circulate and he just laughs. If only they knew.

There is just one thing wrong, other than himself. He’s younger than everyone else, smarter and he doesn’t know when to shut up. It’s nothing that Tony isn’t used to. He survived boarding school, and he’ll survive this too.

Then he meets Rhodey.

At first, they’re Jim and Natasha. Jim is older than Tony by two years, but they’re in the same year. They share the same general education class, Sociology 101, and they get paired together for a project. They both have single dorms, but two months later, Tony has practically moved into his room.

Jim is now Rhodey, but Tony is still Natasha. He yearns to tell him, stops and starts, the words dying in his throat. In a short amount of time, Tony’s become attached and anyone to whom he attaches himself winds up leaving. Tony’s too loud, too smart, he stays up too late and hyperfocuses on his robots. Rhodey doesn’t care about all of that, but Rhodey will definitely care if Tony tells him I’m not a girl, don’t call me Natasha, please call me Tony. Tony can practically see Rhodey recoil in disgust, shove him away and kick him out of his dorm.

Tony can’t, won’t, risk that.

Howard pays for an off campus apartment next year. Tony and Rhodey live in their own apartment, almost in their own little world. Howard doesn’t know that Rhodey’s living with him. Tony had mentioned it, but Howard had just grunted, not even paying attention.

It’s better that way.

Tony only binds his chest when Rhodey isn’t home. He knows he’s not supposed to wrap with ace bandages, but he has nothing else and he’s desperate. What he doesn’t count on his Rhodey coming home early, seeing Tony in the living room with nothing but his jeans and an ace bandage binding his breasts.

For a long moment, they just stare at each other, neither speaking. Then Rhodey opens his mouth and Tony bolts, locking his bedroom door behind him.

Goddammit.

Tony waits anxiously for a few days, almost begging Rhodey to say something and get the conversation over with, but he never does. Rhodey is good like that. Everyone else thinks Tony is weird, but Rhodey loves him for who he is, not in spite of it as so many people think. That much Tony knows to be true. But if Rhodey knew this about him, then Rhodey wouldn’t love him anymore.

Rhodey is everything. He’s friendship and love, late nights and delirious mornings, comfort and safety, and Tony aches desperately to hold onto him. They sit together in the living room, Rhodey doing homework and Tony fiddling with DUM-E’s arm. Rhodey is calm, but Tony is so tense that he can hardly stand it, and before he knows it the words, “Why won’t you call me a freak?” slip from his mouth. Rhodey looks up at him in surprise and Tony continues. “You walked in on me and you haven’t said a word! Go on! Call me disgusting! Call me a freak! Just get it over with. Dammit, Jim, why can’t you just get it over with and stop stringing me along?”

Rhodey sighs and shoves his textbook away. “I haven’t said anything because I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

“Bullshit,” Tony hisses. “I’m a fucking freak and you know it! Everyone else already thinks it, so go on, have at it. Tell me something I don’t fucking know.”

Rhodey raises an eyebrow. “Are you done?” Tony’s face flushes with rage, but before he can retort, Rhodey’s up and crossing the room, standing right in front of him. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think it was a big deal. Nat, you stay up for three days at a time. You leave circuit boards and wires all over and forget to do your laundry. You’re loud and funny and one of the kindest people I know. This? The, what is it called, binding? It’s not even the weirdest or worst thing I’ve caught you doing.”

Tony deflates and stares at his friend for a moment. It’s not often that he’s speechless, and judging by Rhodey’s smirk, he must be thinking the same thing. “I guess you’re right,” he says slowly. “You really don’t think it’s weird?”

“Cross my heart.”

Rhodey doesn’t think he’s weird. Rhodey doesn’t want to toss him away, discard and abandon him like the trash so many other people believe he is. Tony doesn’t deserve Rhodey, doesn’t deserve his kindness, love, or friendship. But with Rhodey, he feels the safest. If Rhodey doesn’t think he’s weird for binding, maybe he won’t care about the other stuff? Tony’s heart hammers in his chest, his palms sweat and he sits on the floor. Rhodey sits across from him, reaches out and squeezes his hand.

“Rhodey, I have to tell you something.”

Rhodey waits patiently while Tony collects himself. Tony’s never said the words out loud before. Saying them feels like the end of a chapter, one more piece of Natasha gone. The idea of saying goodbye to Natasha is exciting, exhilarating, freeing. Tony takes a deep breath and looks into Rhodey’s eyes.

“I’m transgender.”

** Rhodey has questions, of course, he does, but he holds onto Tony tightly as he explains everything. How he never felt like a girl, how he doesn’t know how he knows, but he knows that he’s a boy. He’s a boy and he wants to die every time someone calls him Natasha, how he wants to burn every dress and makeup palette he owns, how he feels like himself in masculine jeans and t-shirts and suits.

And then Rhodey does something that shocks him. It’s a question. A simple one, really.

“What’s your name?”

And for the first time he gets to respond, “My name is Tony.” Everything falls into place, and Tony sighs, leaning into his friend. Rhodey pulls him all the closer and Tony affirms, “My name is Tony.”

“Okay, Tony,” Rhodey says with a wide grin. “It’s nice to meet you.”

A few days later, Tony unlocks the door to the apartment and kicks off his shoes. Midterms suck, and he thinks he might actually eat dinner and go to bed early tonight. He stumbles into the kitchen, eyebrows raising curiously at the package on the table. There’s a note on top of the brown wrapping.

Tones,

Sorry if this is weird, but I just wanted to do something for you. I did research and everything says not to bind with ace bandages, so I got this for you. Let me know if it doesn’t fit.

And I know I didn’t say this before, and I should have, but thanks for trusting me.

--Rhodey

Tony opens the package and gasps when he sees what’s inside. He’s heard of these, but with Howard snooping through his credit card statements, it’s never been safe enough to buy one. The binder is lighter than he expected, but it feels like he’s touching gold. Tony rushes to his bedroom and puts it on, relieved when it actually fits. Then again, Rhodey knows everything about him. This is no exception. He puts his t-shirt back on, messes with his hair and looks at himself in the mirror. For the first time, he doesn’t see a girl pretending to be a boy. He sees himself, Tony Stark, and tears well dangerously in his eyes as he reaches up to touch his reflection. He’s still not exactly where he wants to be, he won’t be until he turns eighteen and can transition without Howard’s input, but the binder helps ease an ache inside of him, the ache that screams you’re wrong!

Tony doesn’t feel wrong, not with the binder, not with Rhodey calling him Tony and using masculine pronouns. No, for the first time in his entire life, Tony feels just right.

#trans tony stark #deadnaming tw #misgendering tw #marvel fanfic #mcu fanfic #mcu fanfiction #tony stark #brief mention of child abuse

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make-me-imagine · 4 years ago

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🕷️ 13 Days of Halloween: Day 11

- The three times I tried to scare you, and the one time I succeeded -

Prompt: ‘Jump- scare’ Request: Reader is constantly trying to scare Derek but always fails

Requested by: Anonymous

Pairing: Derek Hale x Reader

Gender: Neutral Triggers: None Words: 2,552

Genre: Humor + Little Fluff (subtle flirting/crushing + a confession of sorts)

Notes: I hope you like the route I decided to go with it! Reader is suggested as 18+ in this.

As you sat with the pack in Derek’s loft, Lydia planned her families annual Halloween party. “So, this year we are doing a haunted house theme and we need some scares to take place throughout the night. So. What are some things that scare you?”

“Spiders” Scott suggested

“Sharks?” Kira spoke up from next to him.

“Clowns” you and Stiles said at the same time, sharing a look of agreement.

“The ever imminent demise of our world”

You all turned your heads at the suggestion, finding Peter sitting on a nearby couch reading a book, unbothered, as if what he said was a part of every day conversation.

“oookay” Lydia said, hint of confusion in her voice before turning to Derek “What about you Derek?”

Derek looked from his uncle to Lydia “Nothing”

You and Stiles both chuckled “Yeah right -” Stiles began “there’s nothing that scares you?”

Derek looked at him “Nothing you could use at a Halloween party”

You frowned at him “Nothing?”

He met your eyes, seeing a hint of challenge in your gaze “Nothing.”

“I don’t believe you” you challenged “I bet there is something. Probably something embarrassing.” you smirked at the suggestion.

Derek smiled lightly at you “You couldn’t find anything to scare me with”

“Is that a challenge?” you asked with a smirk as Stiles and Scott let out quiet ‘oohs’ making Derek roll his eyes before he looked back at you.

Walking closer he bent down, staring directly in your eyes “Try it”

You smiled at him as Lydia rolled her eyes and cleared her throat “If you two are done flirting, can we discuss my party now?”

Derek straightened up before walking out of the room, no comment against Lydia’s accusal of flirting. He knew that was what he was doing, sort of, but he wasn’t sure you did.

As you all continued to talk over the party, you had thoughts running in the back of your mind, thinking of ways you could scare Derek, while hopefully embarrassing him as well.

The First Time

You decided to try something classic at first, something stupid. Sometimes it was the simplest solution that solved a problem. Sneaking quietly into the loft, mask behind your back, you looked around before listening for any noise.

Hoping that if Derek heard you come in, he might think you were Peter, as he came and went as he pleased. Hearing movement as Derek made his way down the stairs. You hid under the staircase as you put on the mask.

The mask was a werewolf mask, of course, but this one was alarming similar to what werewolves actually look like. As Derek walked down the staircase, you saw him looking around the loft.

As he stepped off the last step you popped out with a no so convincing roar or sorts. Derek stepped back, but made no face or noise of alarm. Seeing that he stared blankly at you you sighed yanking off the mask “Nothing huh?”

He rose his brow as he smirked “Definitely not that” he said as he turned to walk towards the kitchen “Besides, how could you surprise me if I already knew you were here?”

“I thought you might think I was Peter” you admitted as you followed him, disappointed.

He chuckled as he opened and closed the fridge. Turning around, water in hand, he stared at you for a moment “You don’t smell like Peter”

You hesitated as you stared at him “What..do I smell like?” you asked, genuinely curious, having not thought of it before.

All he did was smirk before walking past and back towards the stairs “Don’t forget to close the door tight when you leave”

You glared at him as he disappeared up the stairs, ‘Oh I’ll get you’ you thought to yourself as you left.

The Second Time

Sitting on the couch, your mind was filled with anticipation as you waited for Derek to come back from the store.

Lydia, Stiles and Scott sat around the loft talking and going over coursework. Looking at what Stiles was doing you smiled “I thought you said you finished all your homework”

He looked up at you with disdain “They assigned more”

You chuckled “Yeah, teacher’s will do that. I’m glad I just don’t have to deal with it anymore”

As the loft door slid open, you saw Derek, making the anticipation build as he walked into the loft, his eyes grazing over all of his uninvited guests, hesitating on your for a second.

Looking up, you meet his eyes as he passes before he looks at the others “Why is it you guys always come here, don’t you have homes?”

“We like it here Derek, you should be flattered” Stiles muttered as he tapped his pencil against his chin.

You could practically feel Derek roll his eyes as he went into the kitchen. You watched him from your peripheral as he moved around, waiting for the moment he would open the cabinet. Seeing him reach for it, you looked up completely.

As he opened the cabinet, a large hand sprung out, paired with a loud automated scream. You cursed to yourself as you saw that Derek reacted in no way, apart from a small flinching blink. The others however all jumped and gasped at the sudden noise, all turning to look at what caused it.

Derek paused before turning and looking at you expectantly, the others followed his gaze, landing on your disappointed frown. You shrugged “Well at least I scared someone” you said as you looked at the others.

Derek smiled at the comment before grabbing and removing the hand. Walking over to you, he tossed it on the couch next to you, a cocky smile on his face as he passed. You stuck out your tongue at him, making him chuckled lightly.

The Third Time

"So Derek, how do you feel about scary movies, huh?” you asked as you flicked through the options on the screen.

“They’ve never bothered me” Derek replied, knowing exactly what you were doing.

“What was the last movie that scared you?” Scott asked as he settled on the couch with Kira.

“There haven’t been any”

“Oh bullshit!” Stiles called as he made popcorn in the kitchen.

Derek rolled his eyes “They’re just movies, why would I get scared?”

You looked at him “Seriously? Not even one? What about suspenseful ones that make your heart beat so fast you can’t breath right?”

Derek smiled at you before shaking his head, making you sigh as you plopped down on the couch next to him, continuing to look through movies, ignoring the burning gaze of Derek’s eyes as he looked at you.

After picking a movie you knew was full of unexpected jump-scares and suspense, you all settled down after having turned off all the lights. You were still sitting next to Derek. Close enough that if he jumped in his skin you’d feel it. But also close enough that you felt kind of nervous. Knowing his stupid werewolf senses could probably pick up on it, you hoped he’d just think it was from the movie.

About halfway through the movie, you had slouched down, pillow hiding part of your face. You had failed to notice whether or not Derek jumped at the sudden scares. Mostly because you were too busy doing it yourself.

But you’d occasionally look over at him, seeing that he’d have an amused smile on his face or look disinterested. Which more of less told you what you needed to know, so you gave up, focusing on the movie instead.

Derek admitted to himself that the movie was quite intense, but he refused to show any fear. Mostly because he liked annoying you. But his mind was also preoccupied by how close you were, and how you would instinctively hide your face or get closer to him every time you got scared.

By the end of he movie you were exhausted from the pure adrenaline the movie gave you “That wasn’t that bad” Derek commented, his voice closer to your ear than you were expecting. Looking up, you see him staring at you, now meeting your eyes. At this moment you realized that throughout the course of the movie, you had ended up practically on top of him. You also now realized that at some point, he had laid is arm across the back of your shoulders.

You stared silently at him for a moment before speaking quietly “How did that not scare you at all?”

Smiling lightly at you, your heart skipped a beat. “I was distracted”

Knowing his comment was directed at the fact that you were practically in his lap now, you hesitated to speak. Luckily being distracted by the fact that Lydia flipped on the lights.

You, Scott and Stiles all let out startled groans as you hid your eyes from the sudden harsh light. Hearing Derek chuckle from next to you, you didn’t look at him as you felt him get up from beside you, even as you felt his hand grip your waist for a second as he did so.

The One time I succeeded

Entering a small cleared out space in the woods you looked around, Derek stopped, looking at some tracks on the ground. It was the evening before Halloween, and you and Derek were in the woods, the others in the pack were split up around town. Some form of Supernatural creature showed up in town and you were all trying to figure out if it was dangerous. So the pack had split up into groups to try and find it.

Derek stared off towards the direction of the tracks before looking back at you “I’m going to go follow the tracks for a while, see where they end up, you stay here”

“Why?”

He pointed towards the direction of the tracks “The woods are really dense that way, and there’s rocky cliffs”

You nodded your head, knowing you probably wouldn’t be able to keep up “So I’ll stay here then?”

He nodded as he stood, taking one last look at you as he followed the tracks, noting in his mind where you were, and how dark the sky was getting.

After a few moments of looking around, you noted some claw marks on a nearby tree. Touching them, you wondered if the creature caused them. Looking towards the direction that Derek went, you hoped he would be careful.

Not long passed before you started to get antsy, not just because Derek hadn’t returned, or the fact that evening was coming quickly, but also because you really needed to pee. Looking into the woods for Derek for a moment, you groaned in frustration before deciding to find a bushy area you could have some privacy in.

As Derek made his way back to where you were, having found nothing, he stopped, his hearing picking up on the distant sound of something big running nearby, not too far from where you were waiting. Realizing this, he began running back to you, not wanting you to get ambushed.

As you finished your ‘business’ you began walking back to where you had been waiting for Derek, having wondered off quite a ways to find some dense brush. Suddenly hearing something running you stopped, your breath hitching in your throat. Moving to hide behind a tree, your hand gripped the weapon you had holstered at your hip. Your only form of protection.

Looking towards the sound of the noise, you heart jumped in your chest as you realize what it is, feeling a mixture of fear and relief. It was a large Californian Grizzly Bear.

You remained quiet as it ran past, not wanting to draw it’s attention. You wondered just where it was running too, or rather, what it was running from. Waiting for a few more moments you began your way back to the clearing.

As Derek broke through the brush into the clearing his heart sank when he saw you were gone. He could still smell your scent which meant you had been here recently. His heart was pumping loudly in his own body, he struggled to focus on his hearing to listen for you nearby. Trying to catch his breath he looked around, for any movement, especially in the direction of the running he heard before.

Entering the clearing, you saw Derek, looking off into the trees, you could tell he had been running. You wondered if he had been chasing something, maybe the bear? Walking up behind him you watched where he was looking.

Just as he began to turn towards you, you called out his name “Derek?”

With the sudden voice, and failure for Derek to sense you, he spun around, shock evident on his face as you startled him. You jumped back slightly due to his reaction, pausing for a moment ‘Did I just scare him?’

He sighed out before he took a step towards you “Where were you?” he asked, voice relieved and exasperated.

You pointed back behind you “I had to pee, hold on - “ you pointed at him “I just scared you”

He ignored your comment “You need to be careful, there was something big-”

“A bear” you cut him off, seeing his confusion you pointed in the direction of where the bear went “Big brown bear, ran off that way, I saw it” Derek sighed in relief, watching as you smiled, pointing at him “I scared you”

Derek, realizing what you were saying, and that you were right rolled his eyes “That doesn’t count” he turned away “Let’s go, there’s nothing here”

“Oh no Derek, you can’t just push it aside, I jump-scared you! That counts!”

He turned back to you “The only reason I was scared was because I was worried about you getting hurt, I thought that bear was a monster and that it got to you” he answered honestly, somewhat surprised at his own words.

You hesitated “Oh. So. That’s what scares you? Me getting hurt?”

“Loosing you” he corrected as he adjusted his stance as he stared at you for a moment “It’s the only thing that scares me”

Turning he began walking, trying to ignore the fact that he more-or-less just confessed to you.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you remained frozen in your spot for a moment, before you moved to catch up with him. “I’m still going to tell the others that I scared you!” you called out.

Derek stopped in his tracks, knowing you were trying to make it less awkward for him. Turning back to you, he sees the smile on your face as you stop moving as well. Walking up to you he stared into your eyes “As long as you don’t tell them what else I said”

You smiled at the softness in his voice, somewhat mesmerized by the way he was staring at you “Deal” you said.

He smiled, his eyes glancing down to your lips momentarily before he took a step away looking back at you “Come on, it’s getting dark”

You smiled as you walked after him, amused that you finally scared him, surprised that you found his weak spot; and flattered by the fact that his weak spot was you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Why can I never resit making something without fluff and/or pining and confessions??

If you’d like to be added to a taglist let me know!

Reblogs are highly appreciated! As are likes and comments! :)

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selfwriting-sugarquills · 4 years ago

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70 Fred Weasley headcanons in celebration of 700 followers:

(plus an extra one, for the heck of it lmao)

You guys, thank you so much for 700 followers! I appreciate every single one of you and writing for the twins has been such a blast so far, much to the thanks of all of you <3

Find the 70 George Headcanons: Here

Fred has always been really good at sleight of hand stuff, as a kid, he could do card tricks with ease, steal baked goods from his mother’s kitchen and later on since his allowance wasn’t exactly anything to brag about, he’d steal sweets from honeydukes' on Hogsmeade trips, with the help of George, he’s not proud of it but in his defence, he was a stupid teenage boy at the time.

Fred is incredibly competitive and will hold onto anything you challenge him to for way longer than you might think. He’s definitely the type to “race you” anytime you’re headed to herbology, care against magical creatures or Hogsmeade together.

As the man himself said in the deathly hallows, Fred doesn’t like the idea of a big grandiose wedding ceremony, he’d prefer something more low-key and simple, where the focus is more on having fun and celebrating instead of neat seating plans and meticulously chosen decorations. Some flowers and booze will do, he’ll provide the fireworks - In essence, he only needs his S/O and the rest he couldn’t care less about.

George may be better at cooking, but Fred makes a damn good pancake and he will forever pride himself on that.

Fred is the more jealous, overprotective twin. He’s aware of this and tries his best not to let it go to his head but he can’t help it.

Fred snores, I’m pretty sure it’s canon that both twins snore, but Fred is louder and, as mentioned in my last headcanon post, a very heavy sleeper meaning it’s more difficult to get him to wake up so he can stop, your best shot is trying (and probably failing) to turn him over.

Fred is also a very restless sleeper, he’ll toss and turn, and occasionally dream about quidditch. I’m saying you might want to be aware that he might confuse you for a bludger in his sleep, don’t worry though, he’ll always apologise profusely and make it up to you with a lot of kisses (and maybe a bit more than that, if you’re keen ;))

Fred has an extensive caffeine addiction, which is unfortunate cause he’s quite hyper already but he can’t function properly until he gets his coffee in the morning, and then again in between lessons/at lunch and then again late in the afternoon. Sometimes, if he needed to write an essay that was due, he’d drink coffee at like nine pm. He knows he won’t be able to sleep because of it, please, Y/n, he’s accepted his fate.

I personally always imagined the twins as having ADHD, idk why it just fits their characters. Fred is for sure the more outwardly fidgety and intrusive, this gets less and less with age, as it does for a lot of ADHD people, his inability to focus remains the same though.

Fred loves being outside, he’s the first of the Weasley siblings to suggest a game of quidditch or just going outside for walks, hide and seek in the woods near their house. He absolutely loves taking his dates on walks in parks or at the beach and when he has kids he plays with them in their yard, building snowmen etc.

Fred probably suggests at some point that the whole family should go camping, and he’s actually really fun to camp with. He’ll tell the best scary stories by the campfire.

In regards to children, Fred wants a lot of kids. Like at least three but would be willing to have more if his s/o wants to. He just really likes the dynamic of a large family since that’s what he’s used to.

Fred’s favourite flavour of sweets is anything sour, the sourer the better, because of this he can handle it really well and he loves handing people some of his ridiculously sour candy and watching them squirm.

He also really likes spicy food, he’s a bit of a daredevil so don’t challenge him to eat anything because he will eat a whole chilli and nearly die.

You know he’d be really casual about it too, lol, like sweating and crying but just leaning on the counter like “*pant* what? hot? no not at all *deeeeep breath* I can ha-aw-rdly taste it!”

One thing about Fred is that he’s oddly squeamish, like seeing his brother’s ear blown off isn’t so bad (if you don’t take into account the emotional trauma that is), but a needle for a blood sample or a vaccine? oooh, he’s gonna need a big juice box and a cookie and his s/o’s hand to hold if he’s gonna make it through. He also has a thing about leeches. One time at Hogwarts they were mentioned in a lesson and he thought he was going to faint the entire time.

Fred’s broken five bones over the years, four are from quidditch: his left arm and two ribs, and then the other arm from trying to do an elaborate stunt on the stairs in the burrow and falling down two flights.

Fred loves to sing karaoke (because I cannot get that damn clip of James singing karaoke out of my head) though he particularly enjoys doing a very poor job on purpose.

Fred is such a good liar that on several occasions he’s given presentations in school and gotten good marks for them despite having bullshat his way through the entire thing.

Like seriously, he’s that guy in the group project who only looks at the slides like five minutes before the presentation and then just turns on a full charming newscaster voice on the professor to the point of them being genuinely convinced (albeit a little confused) that what Fred’s saying is true.

This is also why Fred loves playing card games like poker: he’s really good at bluffing.

Speaking of poker-face, he’s really quite good at teasing in public (if you’re into that sort of thing *wink*) because no matter the dirty deeds he might get up to under a table, his face remains as regular as always (safe for a little smirk to his lover every now and then)

Fred always wanted to learn an instrument, he thought it’d make him cooler when he was a teenager, as an adult, he just really wants to recreate that clip of the trombone-playing dad with the sunglasses, or maybe serenade some cows with jazz or something.

Fred was never a big fan of the uniform thing, so he always tried to make it his own, whether that be tying the tie differently, or having his sleeves rolled up; it’s not much but you gotta take what you can get when you’re literally dressed the same as everyone else.

Fred might make fun of his dad’s interest in muggle things but secretly he loves it too. He has spent a lot of hours in the shed with Arthur, assuring everyone that it was just to have some quality time with his dad but he would still pay close attention when Arthur explained things to him.

Fred had a whole business of selling candy from Honeydukes’ and joke products from Zonko’s to second and first years before he and George started dabbling with their own products, he could get you a butterbeer too but it’ll cost you an extra three galleons.

Fred really likes glitter, George has a thing for lace, anything that glitters on his s/o makes Fred weak. If you want to get your way just put on some glittery eyeshadow or lipgloss and watch him spin.

Since he loves things that glitter and gleam he loves buying his s/o jewellery, he loves seeing them wearing them as little tokens of their relationship.

Did someone say slight possession kink? oops not me

Fred is incredible with numbers, this is pretty much canon and has been explored but I’m just amazed at this boy’s wit AND intellect. I have a slight headcanon that if he ever goes on a proper first date with someone where a bill is involved, he impresses his date by calculating the tip after just a glance.

Even if Fred has a longstanding reputation of not caring about school, when he has kids he does want to help them with any coursework over the summer and Christmas breaks, he’ll even study up on his old books just to be able to help out in any classes he didn’t take/didn’t pay attention in.

Fred would, in general, be an amazing father. He’s goofy and playful most of the time, though he’s serious and incredibly caring whenever his kids are in a bad mood or have problems. He knows that he’s not the most outwardly emotional of the twins but he makes sure his kids know they can always talk to him about anything.

Fred is incredibly messy. His room is usually a cry for help and he only cleans it when it gets to the point where it distracts him from focusing on work.

No worries though, his S/O doesn’t have to do all the housework for him, he’ll do it. He just needs to be reminded that he needs to every once in a while.

Fred has a really bad temper, he doesn’t know where he gets it from but he tends to get angry easier than George, though Fred is better at letting it out so it doesn’t continue to bother him.

His bad temper does mean that he used to brawl more with siblings as a kid, and it wasn’t unusual to see him with scrapes and bruises as a kid, much to Molly’s dismay. Fred didn’t mind though, he thought it made him look tough.

Fred is more likely to get caught sneaking around because of his brash nature, he tends to forget just how quiet you have to be to avoid Mrs Norris in the corridors.

Fred is certainly not an early bird but his favourite time of day is, in fact, the morning when the sun’s coming up. He only knows this because of Wood’s ridiculously early quidditch practices but there’s something about the way the world looks when it’s bathed in soft golden light that just hits different to Fred.

Fred is a great team player, as much as he seems like he’s more selfish than George, if it’s regarding a team activity (like quidditch or a battle of sorts) he’ll completely lose all focus on himself and only try to ensure other’s safety and victory. This is also why he plays as a beater, he’s not afraid of getting hit at all when he’s focused on getting the bludgers away from his teammates.

So if his s/o ever needs it, he’ll be there to help with anything: Needs to take a day off from work to take care of his sick s/o? no problem. Needs to stay up with his small child because his s/o is exhausted and needs rest? On it. Something as small as carrying groceries or books, making a cup of tea when the other is busy or doing the dishes is all on the list of things that Fred will happily do for his s/o, and often without having to be asked, he’ll just do it.

Fred’s boggart is seeing his family members and/or his s/o hurt beyond what he can save. Essentially his worst fear is being helpless when he needs it most.

One of those times was when George lost his ear. The first night when George was lying practically unconscious on the couch with blood everywhere was the worst night of Fred’s life, he truly felt so anxious and helpless and angry that he vomited and ended up passing out next to the couch after staying up till sunrise watching his brother like a hawk.

He didn’t just sleepwalk when he was younger, he also often experienced nightmares, it’s only George, Molly and Arthur who remembers anything about this.

They got less and less the older he got and he assumed that he’d never be bothered by them again until after the second wizarding war and the battle of Hogwarts.

I don’t like to headcanon that he dies cause he didn’t and that’s final lol. I do, however, headcanon that Fred still gets hurt, since everyone in the explosion beside him seemed to sustain minor injuries, I just think that to even out with George losing his ear, he hurts his leg and needs a lot of retraining/a walking stick. I think that’d be a more fair/unfair ending for Fred who’s always full of energy having to have to adjust to living slowly for a little while (not permanently, I couldn’t do that to my boy).

The boy has anxiety sometimes, ok. (just let me project for a second)

He didn’t know how much tension he usually holds in his body until he drank alcohol for the first time and felt his entire body loosen up and was like “huh this is new.”

He doesn’t use alcohol to deal with it though, he prefers just talking to George about whenever he feels is stressing him out and that helps. A massage from his s/o to loosen him up doesn’t hurt either.

Fred prefers to talk to his dad about his problems more than he prefers to talk to Molly, generally.

His favourite body parts on his s/o: Shoulders, hips, hands.

He loves to kiss, just in general, but he also loves kissing his s/o’s nose, forehead, neck, shoulder, etc. as little gestures of affection.

He def. has a bit of a size kink, he loves being taller than his s/o.

If Fred could have any pet he wanted, he’d probably want a dog, the bigger the better. He doesn’t think he has the time for a pet though.

It was his idea to start breeding pygmy puffs, it’s the closest he’ll get to having a pet.

I don’t know why but I feel like when Fred and his s/o are expecting and his s/o goes into labour he just panics. loses it, drops the binkie as we say in Denmark: Freaks the fuck out, if you will. He’s definitely the pacing and wringing his hands together type, though he probably tries his best to keep himself composed and chill during the whole thing whilst simultaneously hyperventilating.

Fred doesn’t cry often but he sure as hell wept with pride when he held all his kids for the first time.

Despite the notion that the twins often slip in a joke version of a sweet treat or something similar amongst the snacks at parties, Fred is strongly against tampering with drinks. He knows the connotations it holds and he doesn’t want anyone to be afraid they’d put something in it. If he wants you to test out their truth serum or a love potion, he’ll just ask you flat out and if you don’t want to, he’s not going to continue asking.

Most of the detentions Fred has gotten from Snape come from times he’s spoken back to him when Snape’s been giving another student a rough time. He doesn’t regret it one bit.

If you ask Fred what his proudest accomplishment is, he’ll probably say that it’s having had enough restraint to not punch Umbridge in the face every time he saw her.

On the note of Umbridge. It wasn’t her detentions with him that got his blood boiling, it was when she punished little kids (a la Nigel) for doing practically nothing, he understands that to an extent and by comparison, setting off a bunch of fireworks inside a building would harbour a harsher punishment, but making twelve-year-olds bleed for running in the halls or playing music or just doing things that twelve-year-olds will inevitably do, is something Fred doesn’t understand. That year pretty much any kid younger than him, or anyone who was too afraid to stand up for themselves, became Fred and George’s little siblings, and they’re very protective older brothers. Umbridge can vouch for that.

He struggles with a lot of insecurity in his relationships, he always puts on a front of being extra funny and outgoing when he’s in a new relationship because he’s secretly afraid that the way he is isn’t good enough and that eventually, his s/o will see through him and leave because they don’t like the softer, more serious side of him.

Fred is the godfather of all of George’s kids but is also the godparent of Hugo, Lily and Lucy.

Fred loves business meetings, he sees them as a good challenge to practice his smooth talk.

Fred spent his first salary from the shop on the most expensive bottle of champagne he could find and a new suit.

Fred tried to get into whiskey, feeling like it’d make him a cool business owner type of man, so, with his second salary, he went out and bought a fancy-schmancy bottle of whiskey and the whole getup with a bottle and some cool glasses, and then invited Lee over to try it with him and George.

They did not like it. Fred thought it tasted like what he imagined gasoline tastes like so they mostly used it as decorations, not having the heart to mix it with something.

Fred doesn’t necessarily like PDA, it depends on what you mean. He likes being secretive. Pulling his s/o into an empty classroom, nook, hallway, secret pathway etc where anyone could wander in at any time and snogging her senseless is one of his favourite things to do.

Fred knows how good he looks in his quidditch uniform and will absolutely use it against his s/o. (they’re gonna get spicy from here on so read with caution if you're in public)

Fred prefers giving more than receiving oral.

He has a lot of energy, did you not think that would rub off (no pun intended) on his sex drive? He can go pretty much any time and place, and typically last at least two rounds.

Also, his favourite position is having you on top. Okay, I'm gonna stop now.

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