#not in the “im trying to seem more allo” kind of way. but in the genuine “ive felt it before and but for some reason it's still hard to -

[fabulouslygaybean]

i wish romance wasn't so hard to understand. how the fuck do i even tell these things apart

[justalittleratman]

I'll preface this by saying I don't know a lot about QPRs:

I thought that a QPR was a committed partnership with no sex or romance involved, but you're saying that allo ppl in a QPR can have romantic feelings for each other, just not exclusively? I'm not sure I understand that. Wouldn't a committed relationship between two allo people who feel romantic and sexual attraction to each other functionally be the same as a romantic relationship, but just labeled differently? What does "exclusively romantic" mean? I'm not sure that anyone in a healthy LTR would describe it that way. I certainly wouldn't. Romance is a part of my relationship with my gf sure, but it's not the only or even most important part. Our strong friendship is and has always been the foundation. Romantic feelings fade pretty quickly (I've heard about 1-2 yrs but im not sure how true that is), and sexual attraction fluctuates, so any kind of relationship that is built on that probably isn't going to last. I hope this doesn't come across as rude. I'm genuinely trying to understand. People are free to label their relationships however they want, but in the situation you're describing, it just seems like splitting hairs to me (a 30+ yr old allo lesbian with a lot of relationship experience).

long story short:

there are no "requirements" to fill for you to call your relationship with someone a QPR

the term is fluid, it inherently defies rigidity and is just used by people who feel their bond doesn't fit in the binary "platonic vs romantic" model

queerplatonic doesn't mean queer + platonic, it is not queer people who are in a platonic relationship, instead it "queerifies" what platonic means

basically the whole point is rejecting the divide between romantic partnership and "just" friends

in regards to dnp specifically, again i wasn't posting to speculate if they're in a QPR or not, but rather point out the fact that i found the lack of discussion around the possibility of a QPR interesting since we don't actually *know* how they define their relationship to eachother and the most we've ever gotten was Dan saying "we're best friends, arch enemies, husbands, business partners, partners in crime, soul mates, just mates, who the fuck knows?" , which (to me) gives off huge QPR vibes, so I don't understand why this option is not more talked about

this will be my last post about this because I feel I've said all I wanted about the subject

[bardicbird]

fun ask thing: what r some of your fantasy high hcs cus im missing them and you ALWAYS have good ones

WOO thank u for asking this i love this question -there are rips in gorgugs hoodie from riz biting it while trying to stay calm when they’re spying on someone. gorgug lets him bc i mean its better than him vomiting

-the girls try to have a “girls only” sleepover sometime, just for the teenage tradition of it, but they always end up just calling everyone else to hang out anyways. gorgug likes getting his nails painted :]

-riz gets kind of overwhelmed sometimes at the prospect of being on social media and so as a kind of half compromise half joke they always slightly blur riz out of photos and he becomes to be known as the Cryptid™️ of the bad kids online, and he loves it.

-whenever kristen gets stressed or just needs to do something with her hands, she makes friendship bracelets. this has led to every bad kid wearing at least four at all times, as well as more tied onto their backpacks.

-ayda doesn’t super understand what qualifies as a date and fig has just kinda been like “whenever we’re alone together and you want it to be!” so since ayda doesnt like going on a lot of the traditional sort of dates (bc most are in public places which is. overwhelming) they’ll just hang out together normally as they are and then when they part ways ayda will always go “thank you for the date :]”

-gorgug helps design the album covers and merch for the band bc he likes drawing !

-a lot of aelwyn’s journey to continue her redemption is intertwined with the acceptance of what has changed about her, both physically and mentally. i think a big thing she has to reckon with is having chronic fatigue and pain and sometimes needing to rely on other people because of that. it helps strengthen her bond with adaine as they both learn to live with their respective issues and make sure the other is okay

-boggy and g.a.f hang out together . they are besties.

-jawbone also starts doing sex ed at their school and he makes sure to talk a lil about asexuality and that’s when both riz and adaine are like oh theres a word for that …

-on the rare-ish days where the other bad kids are busy (maybe w their respective partners) adaine and riz will get together to have their annual Bitch About Allos sessions where they just rant to each other about how little sense attraction makes. they go to basrars and get ice cream and it is absolutely cathartic

-kristen seems like the type to start an etsy shop. idk i think she could sell bracelets or maybe like those lesbian-style earrings. i feel like she’d wear some funky earrings sometimes.

[redysetdare]

https://www.tumblr.com/kiwipopping/719602017244528641/im-sorry-but-its-wild-to-me-that-repulsed-ppl?source=share

someone finally said it! there'll be post after post on how all sex-repulsed aces are just sex-negative homophobic puritans who think allosexual gays are dirty for their sexual attraction, and how all romance repulsed aros are also homophobic because we apparently hate gay romance specifically. and these posts will literally be from other aros and aces. these people never get called out for spreading aphobic lies and misinformation, but the moment a repulsed aro/ace talks about their experiences they suddenly get labeled as a community traitor joining the side of homophobes. i'm tired -_-

tbh I have seen more people pushing against this aphobic rhetoric now-a-days as I often seen posts talking about how we shouldn't conflate Sex negative (a political position) with Sex repulsed (a personal position). But yeah, for a long while now there's been an issue with the sex positivity movement not REALLY being sex positive because so many allos can't wrap their head around people having personal issues with sex but not actually having issues with other people having sex. People conflated the idea of "someone not liking sex" to being "person is against sex for everyone and is thus a threat to sex positivity" which unfortunately is bound to happen in any movement of this size. The demonetization of repulsed people is nothing new in the community, as someone who's been IDing as Aro and ace for nearly 10+ years now. A lot of this rhetoric has been here for years, such as the "homophobic" argument which has been thrown at Aces and Aros in general by Allos because they see aro and ace identities as not being queer enough, which comes form the amatonormative idea that everyone should want romance and sex and queer rep HAS to include romance or sex less it be "censoring" it for "the straight" (this rhetoric constantly used against queer rep for younger people as well just because it doesn't include sex.) This rhetoric also takes the form of calling repulsed people "puritans" which is actually a christian fundamentalist religious ideology that people have taken and kind of watered down the meaning of to mean "anyone who might not like sex in the same way as me" which is it's own issue (Funnily enough it's also used against kids in the term "puriteen" because adults got mad that teens were upset at NSFW in spaces meant to be for kids, such as cartoon show tags and the like.)

It's kind of disheartening to say the least that in recent years so much animosity towards Repulsed folk has come from infighting within our own community. But I think it's important to not solely blame our community for it. a lot of people who get up and arms against repulsed folk have their reasons to, I mean gatekeeping unfortunately happens in parts of our community, usually by repulsed folks who try and say Demi, grey, favorable, etc. all don't count as Ace or Aro because they still feel/want sexual or romantic relationships. I for one have had someone come into my own posts trying to tell me that the "asexual community has been infiltrated by allo people" in reference to demi and grey folk, which i blocked immediately. But this kind of rhetoric causes people to become very very defensive at anyone that could possibly be invalidating them, which means when Repulsed people make a post talking about their experience in the community that seemingly contradicts the experience a favorable person has had, it is a common emotion to feel angry because to them "that's not true" for them it's been the other way around where THEY feel as if they don't belong because they've been targetted by gatekeepers. So to them, a lot of repulsed people complaining seems like "not a big deal" because they believe that we have spaces for us and are catered to within the community. forgetting that society at large hates repulsed folks on mass because we don't partake in sex or romance.

I think it just comes from a fundamental misunderstanding of each others experiences in the end. To some favorable people, repulsed people are a majority in the community and constantly being catered to + the fact that there are some aspecs and allos who question their identity and so they feel the need to defend it by adding "not all aspecs!" and "Aspecs can X Y and Z" without realizing that such language isn't as inclusive as they may think. People seem to forget that there are no spaces that are made for repulsed people. We are constantly bombarded with romance and sex in everything in life from music, to ads, to tv shows and movies, books, and online spaces. there is really nothing made FOR US. Most places that are sex free are made for KIDS which is alienating for sex repulsed ADULTS. and spaces without romance are usually for PRESCHOOLERS... which again, alienating for romance repulsed ADULTS.

I think the internet has definitely made it harder for people to realize that not everything includes them. Like, a sex repulsed person talking about their experience should not be followed up by "but some of us like sex. stop being sex negative!" Repulsed people should not have to be like "btw sex favorable ppl aren't bad this isn't about them"

people have been taking personal feelings about a subject as a personal attack on their identity, which it just doesn't need to be. People need to learn that some posts aren't geared towards them. Repulsed people NEED a space to express themselves without being told to shut up. Repulsed people NEED posts about them that don't get derailed to be about favorable people all because some ppl are worried that they are being excluded in a post not about them. Repulsed people NEED the ability to express repulsion without it being taken as a personal attack against favorable people.

Sorry for the wall of text, this ask just left open for a bit more conversation. I'm glad I am not the only one frustrated by this but also I didn't feel comfortable just posting a agreement response because I do not want to come off as being dismissive of the nuance that is really causing this to happen within the community. (or to be demonizing one part of our community like some do to us. i guess I am just willing to give benefit of the doubt to some people who may not be so nice to me.)

Either way I'm glad my post has resonated with you and maybe with more of us speaking out on this treatment we can actually start to create a space where repulsed and favorable people can coexist and both feel safe in, instead of constantly fighting each other. We are a community, after all. We should be supporting each other. not pushing each other away.

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

hello! i just wanted to tell u that i was going through your 'im the cis, heterosexual aromantic man' post an i just wanted to say that im really glad you made that post, and it resonated with me in a way that a lot of other posts abur aromanticism dont. im a trans bisexual man, so i dont get accused of not being lgbtqi+ the way you do, but there is this idea that aromantic people are just 'using' other people for sex. ive heard some aro/ace people say they felt 'broken', and ive never felt like that, but what i HAVE felt is the feeling you mentioned that other people will feel manipulated or abused if i wait too long to come out to them about being aro. allos are able to date casually without it being seen as 'tricking' people when they find that they arent interested in them romantically, but people who's lives arent centered around romance or who dont pursue long term romance as a goal are manipulative, sex addicts or sluts for doing the same thing.

the double standard obligation for disclosure is something that a lot of trans people can relate too as well. the way you just cant disclose this evil thing about yourself soon enough in relationships for it to not be seen as you trying to deceive the other person. you need to tell your partners that you're trans, you need to tell them that you're aromantic, you need to warn them before they become interested in you.

i know you dont need any validation from internet strangers, but you're absolutely queer, and you being openly queer in the way that you are (at least online) has made other queer people like me feel more comfortable with this not often talked about aspect of their queerness. sorry if im bothering you by the way, i know you had the replies and reblogs turned off for a reason and im not trying to breach any of those bounderies by saying this. im not really making this ask intending to get a response, i just kind of wanted to express my appreciation for that post and dming you out the blue about it seemed weird.

UNGH but I get it man. I know transness can already be seen as a "dirty little secret" aspect of someone's life, that can only feel more difficult to navigate when there's an intention, or even a desire, to enter a sexual relationship.

And, yeah, don't worry about talking to me about that post, I turned reblogs off cause of the people calling me ugly lmao. You're good.

[basil-does-arttt]

i understand your dante/lady post is supposed to be about the complexity of their relationship that cannot be defined as ‘just friends’ and more-than-friends-not-quite-lovers thing but as an aro person it kind of grates that being friends is ‘just’ that because we’re once again putting relationships on a hierarchy with friendship not important enough to be considered deep and profound when that’s not the case at all.

this isn’t quite a criticism it’s just an rhetoric aro ppl are sick of hearing and something to think about if you’re tying it into an aroace dante headcanon. for a lot of aro people the ‘something deep and irreplaceable’ that allos ‘can’t describe’ is friendship

that said i’ll take this time to say i do love your art and the way you draw trish :)

I understand what you're saying there anon

I wasnt trying to make it seem like friendship as a relationship cant be that deep and important, in fact i feel quite the opposite, and im sorry i came across that way.

That kind of deep and unexplainable bond, to me at least, that i described is friendship, i guess the way i described it came across differently to my intention with the post.

With Lady/Dante i do view them as purely friends, i personally couldnt see them any other way, i was meaning that the depth of their friendship is something more than just a buddy Dante hangs out with and works with from time-to-time, if that makes sense. Its something i experience with my own friends IRL.

Again, my bad. Thanks for letting me know :'D

[softness-and-shattering]

Said it in tags but yknow what it deserves its own the post. Bear with me a second, this might seem scattered but theresna throughline.

The difference between, as we paint things, cishet allo perisex etc men, and women

Or etc men and lesbians

Etc men and queers

What really boils down to toxicity compared to its healthy counterpart

I just reblogged an example of butch protectiveness. What makes it different from toxic protectiveness. What makes queer chivalry feel comforting and and cishet etc chivalry feel sexist and condescending. You see the pattern Im talking about?

Gender and sexuality arent actually the defining factors here. We use them as shorthand. Cishet etc people are capable of healthy dynamics and queer folks are capable of toxic dynamics.

Im not saying there isnt a correlation, queerness often breaks down cis etc. ideas and ideals and reforms them in healthier ways.

The difference is respect of autonomy and agency.

Why does it sometimes feel gross to women when a guy is protective but good when a butch is protective? The first has sexist history and implications. That because youre a woman you must be weaker, more fragile, incompetent, and the implications make one angry. With a butch, thats not there. They just see you as YOU, protect you because they care about you as an individual.

Difference between someone giving their kid sex ed including consent including what to do if youre uncomfortable, its cold out do you want a jacket, and you better be back by midnight i have a gun take your pepper spray wear this huge jacket. The difference isnt gender or sexuality or lifestyle, the difference is do you assume your kid is competent and equip them to make good safe choices, or do you try lock them away threaten their dates makes them dress covered up because theyre your fragile sweet helpless girl and you think threats or isolation and control is all that will keep them safe.

Men, cishets,[ insert population to hate on here] might be culturally programmed to behave a certain way, may benefit themselves behaving a certain way (eg upholding the patriarchy which is something people of any age and gender can do), but crucially, its not inherent theyre not stuck that way. People can learn and unlearn and grow.

On the other hand, someones queer identity doesnt inherently make them safe. Theres so much lateral violence just on this app. Thats also people buying into normalcy in an attempt for protection, becoming cops for normalcy. And its not the fault of aces or bis or trans fems or trans mascs or whoever the target is this month, every group has people trying to sell out to Big Normal in exchange for being allowed to live and maybe even thrive. Cultural power is real.

Thats my point. Certain groups of people are more likely to have rethought and relearned attitudes we ALL absorbed and are exposed to every day about who we're supposed to shame and which boxes we're supposed to fit and how badly we should hurt ourselves and each other to "get ahead".

Nothing is inherent to anyone of any identity. [X identity group*] are not a lost cause of awful people. We kind of all start out as awful people. We're all capable of growth. There is hope. Its so much work, but if hope isnt worth working for than what is?

*bi group I mean I gender or sexuality or disability (im looking at yall casually demonizing people with narcissism and schizophrenia and many other experiences). Something inherent to a person doesnt say anything about their morality or their choices.

Eg incels are pretty awful people by definition BUT its possible to become not-an-incel, to change ones mind, to leave a cult or a movement. Might be extraordinarily difficult but its possible. To be on that incel path and willingly going further down it, thats a kind of moral choice.

[toh-tagteam-au]

Is Hunter still going to be aroace in your au?

EDIT: I’m going to be sticking with Aro Hunter going forward, and I appreciate all the replies to this post! I’m keeping this up for personal reference, but just a heads up I’m no longer unsure. 

Original answer below:

----

Im glad you asked this because I've been wanting to make a separate post about this since Labyrinth Runners but I kept chickening out. Apologies for the wall of text in advance.

Full disclosure + some context before I get into it: I really like keeping Tag Team as close to canon as I possibly can. It's why towards the beginning of development I kept certain plot points open ended. I'm lucky that I didn't have to retcon any comic parts that were already posted pre-season 2b (the next few updates would have been ruined by some of the reveals in Hollow Mind, so I'm kind of glad I waited).

I never really expected Hunter to get into a relationship/hint at attraction at all back when it was season 2a, so I was comfortable having him be aroace since the chances of it being conflicting with canon were slim. I was in the group of people who were like "there's no way his character arc would have that much time/it would be rushed/wouldn't make sense if it did happen" etc. Plus, I'm aro myself. I was kind of excited to do a storyline that sort of reflected my own experiences with attraction and lack thereof. And I liked the ships that fandom brought forward, but I wasn't expecting them to move past the crack-ship category. So again, I felt secure in my canon-compliant-ness of Hunter's aro-ness.

But season 2b introduced the REALLY INTERESTING concept of Hunter and Willow actually being canon somehow. Or at least Hunter being attracted to her in some way. I was fascinated. Their actual canon dynamic is GREAT!! Teen soldier who was introduced as a hard-ass gets blushy at a school girl who can and would kick his shit in and is implied to not even think of him romantically yet. Not to mention the whole narrative catharsis at seeing a clone of Caleb, notorious husband of a witch, also falling for a girl. I love it SO MUCH!

So that brings me to an unfortunate choice I was sort of hoping you guys would help me with?

On one hand, I love Hunter and Willow. I love that they're implied to be a potential thing and that they'll have more dev in season 3. Their dynamic is my jam and it makes so much literary sense that they'd have chemistry, not to mention it just brings out the best in both of their developments in canon (Willow being a nervous shy girl with no self esteem turning into someone who can and will kick the emperor's ass to save her friends, Hunter being a heavily abused high ranking child solider turning into a blushy mess in front of a strong girl). I just love it. Nothing about his sexuality has come up in-comic so far, so I wouldn't have to retcon anything to make that a thing in TT.

On the other hand,,, I've already said that TT!Hunter is aro on this blog. I've sort of built up/mentioned this pseudo-romance arc he was going to have around the Grom episode. A lot of you seemed super excited about him being aro back when I first mentioned it, and I don't want to disappoint you guys and fake you out by being "surprise!!! he's allo!!!" I guess I could have him be Demiromantic or just ace to keep that vibe of aspec, but I don't want it to feel like a consolation prize either.

So it's this unfortunate back and forth between me really liking Willow and Hunter/wanting to keep things as canon as possible, versus sticking to what I've said out-of-universe in the past. I kind of get the sense that both options have their own baggage – I'm unsure if the aro hunter vs hun//tlow discourse is as intense as my dash makes it out to be since I try to avoid it and I generally like both options, but choosing one kind of feels like I have to choose a side. So I wanted to ask you guys what you think/want to see.

Feel free to reply to this post, say ur opinions in the tags, or send me asks on what you think. I probably won't respond to all of them, but I'll definitely read them all and take them into account.

[aro-culture-is]

(not aro culture! i would like to ask for advice, if that's possible. also so sorry if this is long!)

i was looking at some of the asks, and it had me thinking. the way i experience attraction is a little... uncommon? i haven't seen many people mention experiencing it, if any. i've been trying to figure out my romantic orientation, but it's been hard.

so i've been wanting to date people... but i don't know if this is my desire to be close to them and in a kindof relationship with them or not? it's been for some people in specific too, which makes me believe it isn't cupioromantic. whenever i hear about crushes, i hear it's thinking about them all day. i hear its feeling nervous or suddenly behaving differently than you would to others. that jazz. i have no idea if thats allo dumbassery (/lh) or not since i dont experience what i hear described. it seems romantic, but is it really when i dont experience what is described to be 'crushes'?

i dont experience what they describe a crush to be like... but i do experience feeling affectionate/attracted to them and wanting to date them. but then why doesnt it feel like crushes do?

im also not romance repulsed either... and fine with the idea of romance. but i wonder if i am a romance favorable aro with some other kind of attraction or not? it's difficult

if any of you are able to answer this then thank you! (i know theres probably a lot of asks so i will wait a while for it anyway)

(i am so sorry this has taken so long, the ask box just... spat this back out after presumably having eaten it when it was sent.... last year...)

honestly, i feel like you or anyone who feels like you have a lot of possible options for labels, and that's where i'm going to base this discussion since i think checking out the communities around those labels will provide better insight. that said, I also want to emphasize:

you have no obligation to solely relate to the aro or alloro communities.

first of all: our buddy, our pal, our good ol' "what the fuck is this anyways" companion, quoiromantic! the distinction between platonic and romantic isn't clear cut for everyone, and that's okay. this is an aro-spec identity.

secondly: have you heard of alterous attraction, or queerplatonic attraction? if not, looking into how people describe that, and considering if queerplatonic relationships sound more like what you're considering. these relationships can take many forms and are inherently defined by the people in the relationship rather than cultural/social norms that can influence romo relationships.

thirdly: grayromantic, aroflux, frayromantic, bellusromantic, cupioromantic, and lithromantic are all some other labels to look into.

Consider that for some grayro people, this identity can be a comfortable label for what feels like a watered-down romantic attraction. If you think it's possible you have some fluctuating levels of attraction, maybe aroflux or similar labels can provide a home for you!

i include frayro because while it's opposite term, demiromantic, is a more known identity, frayro isn't talked about a whole lot. if you think you find someone romantically attractive when you don't know them, but get to know them / think about getting to know them and lose that attraction, frayro may be something worth considering.

bellusromantic can help to explain the desire to do "romantic" things with others, while not necessarily experiencing romantic attraction to them. cupioromantic - not feeling romantic attraction but wanting a romantic relationship - could also be a possibility. lastly, lithromantic describes feeling romantic attraction but not wanting it reciprocated and/or losing attraction if it is reciprocated.

this is mostly a terminology dump, but i hope even if i'm far too late for the original asker, this can help others!

[shadow-bouquet]

alright bout to drop a lil truth bomb for all the allos/hypersexuals out there:

being asexual/aromantic does not prevent you from having a libido, enjoying physical closeness or smooches etc

being asexual does not prevent you from being in a relationship, either with or without sex involved

being asexual does not entitle you to be the object of sexual objectification! if anything me not reciprocating means u should probably just hook up with someone on tinder/grindr/etc and stop bullying an asexual

being asexual/aromantic is not “being aloof” and i honestly find the whole “uninterested = attractive” trait to be incredibly toxic. If i seem uninterested, especially after the 50th time you ask; im probably not interested, and thats exactly why i act that way

being asexual/aromantic is not something to be changed by “meeting the right person” or can be “talked out of”. And especially miss me with that hurt puppy shit like its some attack on u. nah chief i dont wanna date/smush. not specifically u. i dont want that at all, with anyone

being asexual/aromantic is not a hard and fast specific rule! u can be whichever way you want to be and still identify on the asexual spectrum. there are many terms out there which you may find suit you, and of course above all its most important to be and feel like yourself! if (especially an allo) tells you “you cant be ace/aro and also XYZ” theyre probably spouting nonsense like a tea kettle left too long on the boil.

asexual does not mean: you literally feel nothing down there, although it can for some! (as it does for me personally)

for aromantics, i know i brought this up earlier and to be honest if you’re having trouble here please let me, or someone else you know help out: if someone is pressuring you into a relationship, and its not something you can safely reciprocate and they keep going on about how much they love you, and they might be confusing you about platonic love compared to romantic and you’re confused? chances are, a serious, classical sense “relationship” is NOT what you are looking for, and theyre trying to gaslight or manipulate you. personally ive had people try to “win” a relationship with me like im some kind of forbidden prize, which is super gross. please do, again, reach out if you feel pressured into something you dont want to do; be it romantic, sexual, anything.

also, can we mention that being aromantic does not stop you being affectionate? i like to cuddle, i like to smooch, i like to make the people around me comfy and happy. does that mean i want to be in a “relationship”? no. I don’t feel that sort of “desire” or craving or “need”. But i do enjoy being in a QPR (queer platonic relationship, essentially a friendship+ where u are a little more affectionate while still maintaining safe and healthy boundaries and communications) as well as flirting or just being cute!

also any sort of affectionate behaviour is NOT “leading someone on” or “being untrue” or hurtful. you are simply being yourself and to say that what is quite literally your romantic orientation is wrong is a horrible horrible thing. its something that ace and aro people have to deal with incredibly often because affection automatically meaning sex or romantic correlation is such a prevalent idea in our society. but that doesnt make it okay.

being ace and/or aro is not a mental illness nor invalid. simple as that. we exist, and we’re not mentally ill for having these orientations.

make sure u have ace friends to talk about this with! this post might help, but its also important to have friends who u can validate when things arent okay with and also feel safe around. feel free to reach out to your local ace/aro friend or equally just respond or shoot me a message! i always love meeting new friends esp in the asexual and aromantic circles.

that being said, hope u live ur best life and have a wonderful day! pls help where u can even as an ally and be respectful and helpful :)

[smol-grey-tea]

I was gonna write the romo attraction thing today but honestly i dont feel like doing it bc im just rlly upset about smth that im sure a lot of ppl can relate to

So my irl friend groups are very... well they dont know much about these kinds of things, i had to be a walking encyclopaedia for them about my identities like nb stuff bc they didn't bother to just... look it up.

When i told them i was trans they would say "omg are you actually trans?? I have a trans best friend!!" Yikes

Instead they would ask me to explain it. Which is fine, i kinda hate having to explain for the 5th time that no, using the correct terms and pronouns is not a fucking burden, and that yes, dysphoria is awful and wont just magically go away.

and when i tell them to yk, not use pronouns for me and just use my name instead, not 1 person did that. They just... misgendered me and used she/her when i explicitly told them that it makes me dysphoric. I then told them to use coo/coos/cooself instead bc i quite like it, but they still didnt use it.

Then i gave up and told them to use they/them since it doesnt make me dysphoric even tho i lowkey hate it. They still misgender me but said "they'll try to get used to it". Its not that hard guys what the actual fuck???

Anyway, i was actually going to talk about aspec stuff. So i only told one of them that i was demiromantic demisexual, and they said "wtf is that" which yk is not a nice way to react to someone coming out, but i have thick skin so i just explained it bc again they couldnt bother to search it, and they said "ok ig" and changed the subject when i wanted to explain my attraction???? I've never had anyone that i could talk to about my complicated feelings with being aspec and just when i thought i could i was shut down.

I thought it was over and done with, until they started to... ignore my fucking identity??? Which i would say is way more important and personal to me than my bisexuality??? They never did any of that bs with my bisexuality probably bc they were pansexual themself, but jfc is it that hard to not make jokes about me being horny or having a crush or joking about setting me up on blind dates??? It legit made me so uncomfortable and i have no idea what to say.

Bc remember, they didnt exactly respect my pronouns and kept using gendered terms to refer to me even more after i came out??? I swear it feels like its on purpose every time they called me a girl but whatever

Istg they forgot that im demi bc they keep making these jokes and ignoring that i dont feel sexual or romantic attraction like that and keep acting as if i want to date ppl or fuck them when i say they look pretty??? I spent way too fucking long mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual for ppl to once again reinforce this idea and im done with it. Please for the love of god stop it.

I said i liked wilbur and thought he was rlly cute and they then proceeded to, you guessed it, act like im in love with him or that i want to fuck him. First of all, hes a real person on the internet that i do not know, 2nd of all, fucking eww, and 3rd of all, hes a whole ass adult and we r both in high school. Yikes again.

Ofc i didnt tell them these things and just said that i dont like him that way and just thought he was pretty and nothing else. They completely ignored this and thought i was just embarrassed or smth or that i was in denial. Yikes again again.

So yeah. The only lesson i learned is to never come out as aspec to anyone irl ever again. Tbh i kinda want to tell them that im not bi and that i dont feel any kind of attraction. It would be a lie but christ i wish they would stop. They can validate my bisexuality but not my nb or aspec identities? I knew that queer sexualities were more normalized now which is awesome but why cant they do that for trans ppl or aspecs? Why does it have to stop there?

Sorry for venting like this but i thought this might be relatable for yall. Ive never had the experience of feeling "broken" bc of any of my identities, im very confident in them. I just wish other ppl other than my online friends would feel the same.

Also sorry for delaying the romo attraction thingy i just rlly dont feel like it rn. Idk when i will write it but hopefully if i feel better i will finish it today

There's no pressure to write it up dude it's cool :) whenever you're ready ❤

And those ppl do not sound like good friends- idk exactly how old you are but ik I'm older, and I can tell you for certain that you will find better friends one day. It's guaranteed :) they don't deserve your friendship and I am glad to validate and help you in any way you need ❤❤

Yee I've never felt broken either! I think an element of that is that I thought I was allo for a very long time? But on the other hand I was bullied in my childhood for not having attraction so idk why that hasn't manifested into a phobia of romance but eh I'm better off this way whether it makes sense or not.

It makes me happy as well cuz a lot of ppl in the community seem very pessimistic abt how we're treated but it's nice to know that not all of us feel broken cuz the 2 of us are living examples of that :)

But unfortunately yeah, your experiences above are things many ppl can relate to. I'm sure almost everyone can remember a time where they came out to someone and weren't met with good responses,,

Let this be a reminder that this is not right and we deserve more support for something so personal. Even if you don't understand someone's identity that doesn't give you the right to dismiss or ignore them. Our identities are very important and personal to us and supporting them is basic respect.

[tadcoopers-throneroom]

Madelena x Gareth (i have a lot of thoughts about this and madelena being arospec and how they communicate about what makes them most comfortable since they're both relationship novices so if you have anything like that you want to add please, please do)

some reason this didnt show up on my phone and since this is a bit more serious then the others I will drop the ask game angle (if this is for the ask game I reblogged) And I’m arospec, so I do have a lot of feelings. And some might be similiar to yours. So Im going to state my thoughts as a demi aro before headcannons.

In general minus the aroness before hand I love this couple because villain x villain is my jam. Just is the trope is amazing.

But Madelena had a whole song number about how she doesn’t feel love and then became good with love is a special kind of infuriating.  Like I do headcannon her as demi aro, mainly with how it’s written it seems like a demi aro experience.  I just had my first crush at age 22,  so it’s not crazy to me that a demi aro who spent a lot of time pretending to be someone she’s not and never really having a friend before Gareth for her not to feel romantic feelings for anyone before Gareth gave her ears and pretty much without directly saying it tells her he understands.  But again having a potential redemption arc with an arospec coded character get saved by romance isn’t ideal. Also the way the song is presented made it seem that she doesn’t feel love because evil is also not good.

And it’s kind of the reason of me not having any hope of any good demi aro representation to come before I die.  Because well most of it will probably be accidental and have the person be saved by the power of love. So in short I love this couple but get why some people might hate it. 

Okay headcannon time

Well from my experience, Madelena is going is to get a crush on Gareth and it’s going to be a bit scary for her.

Like it might be a bit less scary for her then me because my body is made of anxiety but there is still a risk.

Like Gareth is her first friend and she is feeling emotions she never felt before but can’t tell anyone without confessing to Gareth.  And while I HC Gareth as allo , he probably has some concerns about having feelings about Madelena. First off he probably doesn’t want to deal with romantic feelings at all, not dating for him and also isn’t thrilled at the prospect of having feelings for Richard’s wife.  So he has to deal with that. So I feel like the beginning of these feelings they weren’t exactly communicating their emotions.  Just ignore it and it will go away.

But Gareth realizes it isn’t going away so he has to deal with it and I think he would probably lead to him being more vocal with his emotions.  Like he has a feeling and it needs to be fixed. And confessing them seems to be the more direct route, whether it leads to him dating Madelena or not.  

I feel like them communicating could be a problem at first.  I think Gareth would be the more open but I don’t think he would like to be vunreable and Madeleana this is the probably the first time she could be vunerable with someone. But I think they could read each other well which helped them at least until they did start talking about their feelings.

I think the moment when they truly start talking about insecurities is would be when Gareth tries to do something romantic and kind of failed.  And he admits he has no idea what he is doing and Madelena would confess the same thing.  And that is when they started to try and be more open.  Mainly to help each other through their inexperience.  

 Though as far as him being Madelena’s first crush and Gareth finding out.  That would be amzing to see.  I think Gareth would be a bit proud of the fact that he is her only crush she has ever had and a bit confused on how.  Like he  avoided crushes like the plauge as a child and still got them.  How did she imagine to go through her entire life without one?  And maybe Richard or Sid find out about demi aros in the enchanted forest and for some reason tell Gareth.  Or maybe when hunting for Madelena he stops at the bar and hears that term or gray aro and it just clicks.

[calypsolemon]

reconciling the past with my demisexuality - crossposted from twitter

original thread here

(image is a screenshot of my twitter which reads: “I was going to make an art for #AceWeek but honestly, I'm way too low on energy. So I'm just gonna talk about it instead: This year I discovered I wasn't just ace, but demisexual. and it's been a little wild feeling emotions I've literally never felt my whole life-”)

“I feel like I suddenly understand a lot of feelings allos have expressed that were absolute nonsense to me before. At the same time, there's still a lot of things I feel like I will still never "get", like being attracted to someone you've never even talked to before lol. 

“But furthermore, it's played a little hell while trying to reconcile this new information with experiences from my past, specifically when I look back at my childhood/teenage fears surrounding future relationships and sex. 

“I have vivid memories of stressing over my future relationships as a teen. I knew I always wanted to have a partner eventually - I stressed at the thought of being lonley - but I assumed I was locked in to being the girlfriend (and eventual wife) of a cis heterosexual man. 

“I also assumed that sex was the great consummator of relationships. I was aware I didn't feel attraction in that way, even as early as 13/14, and I was terrified I would end up in a relationship with someone I really loved, but they wouldn't believe I loved them back, bc of that.

“like some sort of catch 22, the thought of a partner who wouldn't find my lack of sexual attraction abhorrent didn't even cross my mind. My only two options seemed to resign myself to being single, or lie about my discomfort and let partners think I liked sex when I didn't.

“since the latter part absolutely terrified me, I tended towards the former. Which really, wasn't very hard at the time. There weren't exactly a lot of men around me that I wanted to date, and my family didn't exactly want me to be interacting with boys at my age anyways.

“but I still felt the ever-looming pressure that I would have to date *eventually*. That I could only hide behind maturity and focus on school and keeping myself for jesus for so long before people would go from respecting my decision, to judging it.

“I was really lucky to have discovered the term asexual so early, to be honest. It felt like someone reached straight into my anxious thoughts and yanked me out, and told me I didn't have to live with those dreaded expectations anymore. That I could just live for myself.

“It was so reassuring, that for the next six years of my life, one of the only identity labels that stayed consistent throughout my queer self-discovery was, asexual. And there was really no reason to change that. Up until this year.

“I should clarify, discovering my demisexuality hasn't been a bad experience. If anything, it was just sort of an "oh, alright" moment. I kind of just... realized that I felt completely differently towards the person I was with now, than any other person I had ever been with.

“And I'm pretty much ok with that. At this point in my life, I'm secure enough in my identity that a little change hasn't rocked the boat too much. And my partner is literally the most understanding and patient person I've ever met when it comes to these matters, which helps ; ;

“but i occasionally find myself looking back at the teenage version of myself, who was terrified of this sort of outcome. Who wanted more than anything to escape the idea of having to sexually engage with a romantic partner. Am I betraying them?

“I like to think not. there's a lot of factors at play here that I couldn't even imagine back then. Like me being nonbinary, and dating a queer partner. Or my partner being perfectly ok with my asexuality before I even realized I was demi at all.

“I guess at the end of the day, it doesn't matter too much what I felt back then, since that person is gone, and I'm existing as I am now, and I'm happy. It's not even like I've entirely dropped the ace label (im effectively ace in every other aspect of my life after all)

“...I guess I really just wanted to share my experience with asexuality growing up before the week was over, and talk a bit about my demisexual experience now, since its new to me, and I think these stories are important to share.” 

an important thread for ace week that I didn’t want to just leave on twitter. I decided against just screenshotting it all because I’d have to caption it anyways, and the formatting would be hell. I hope its useful or interesting for somebody.

[unleashed-salt]

To clarify

Hi im [insert nickname i havent picked yet that wont lead people to finding my main as im hoplessly new and not open about being aroace] and i suffer from the Need To Overexplain Myself So That I Will Never Be Misunderstood Despite Having No Followers lmao

When i say something along the line of "im aro and get fucking lonely sometimes" im specefically venting to people i see both online and irl that seems to think im 100% fine with being alone and left out of things and be left behind as friends leave for romantic partners as some sort of permanent third wheel. Like ive said it before i dont experince alterous attraction (im slightly romance repulsed as well), honestly idk where i even classify, but i get lonely very easily (but guess what im also an introvert, which yes means i also need alone time and space these two things dosent cancell each other out ffs). Ive always struggled with making new friends im very aware i just dont get what i need from casual friends and anqiuatances and that i viscerally crave some form of deeper emotional connection with people yet I DONT EXPERIENCE QPR AND ALTEROUS ATTRACTION and that fucks with me in so many hurtful ways. Partially why i dident id as aro for so long was this deep fear that i would never be truly happy in my relations with other people and that i was to easily attention starved to be aro. And when i do try to deepen friendships i feel like im constately stepping over a line beacuse what i want Is What A Large Part Of Society Tell Me Is Wrong And Wierd. Also for the record im not american, or english for that matter i come from a rather closed of culture where unconventional socializing can be very fuckin hard. Things are so easy in the sense that if youre allo theres all these systems set up for you, dating has like a million apps. But hell am i gonna do? Go to the "serious friendship bar"? And then i hear shit like "it gets harder making friends as you grow older" i feel no hope for my future, all my highschool and college friends will leave eventually and theres nothing i can do about it. i cant even imagine it. Ive never in my life ever meet another irl aro (and then aros arent all the same what i want isent what others always want) , hell sometimes i wonder if there even are any in my country. I attend pride and all i see is ace flags and nothing else. And sure i can read a million posts on how "friendships can be as deep as you like" and yeah i agree 100% but actually finding someone else that think that is not as easy honestly makes most of these posts just useless to me on bad days.

So to round things off sometimes id just whis it was aknowledged with all these posetivety posts floating around just how being aro fucks you up when youre like me and how you can crave this kind human companionship youre pretty sure youll never actually get beacuse theres nowhere to seek it (also i still dont experince qp attraction even with these feelings, sometimes i feel like even the aro relationships that come up is something i cant use). Beacuse "you can totally have qpr's! (some other form of platonic partnership)" posts, wont take the hurt away and just makes me feel more alone tbh. And im not attacking posetivety, its great to have, but sometimes it feels like it kinda overshadows everything else and also i know this wont apply to all aros and thats okey, please tell me if i overgenralize im only speaking of my own experinces in this.

(for the record im not an english native speaker if i get something wrong or just word things in an hard to read way i apologize and feel free to correct me)

[thegeminisage]

merlin thots about the s5 opening episodes.......

here’s your courtesy cut

one of my favorite things about s5 so far is how very nicely arthur and merlin have both 1. grown up and 2. grown into each other...they still give each other shit 24/7 but it’s a lot more companionable and comfortable now than it ever has been. furthermore, both of them exhibit the use of MULTIPLE braincells even at the SAME TIME. they work very well together as a team even in the heat of battle (we did see shades of this near the end of s4), despite merlin being kind of useless at physical combat when he couldn’t rely on his magic for a boost. they can have entire conversations without a word and they’re just INCREDIBLY synchronized. the whole #vibe has really gotten a level up

timeline-wise, it’s been roughly a decade since season 1. in s1 they said the purge began 20 years ago (upon arthur’s birth), and shortly after, he had a coming of age ceremony - 21′s an important number, so in season 1 arthur began as being 20 and turned 21 before the end. season 2 = 22. gap year for s2-s3 = 23. season 3 = 24. s3-s4 gap year = 25. season 4 = 26. 3 gap years betweeen s4-s5 = 27, 28, 29. season 5 = 30. i don’t know how long it was in real life between seasons 4 and 5 (definitely not three years), but i really do feel like they’ve both aged SO much and they absolutely act like people who have known each other for a decade.

gwen as queen is AMAZINGNGLSDKJGHDSLFG she’s SO PRETTY i love her SO MUCH. love that she has her own serving girl now! this is what she deserves

the round table is good too altho it looks a bit too big for that room. it’s amazing though like...FUCK uther pendragon arthur has come SO FAR

merlin being nice to the new girl is very charming. makes him seem older and w-w-WISER (love that word) by comparison

also love that merlin gets to ride a horse while some of the footsoldiers walk. that’s #status. that’s *** ******

pretty sure i had a stroke during merlin’s vision of arthur’s death. the whole thing was done SO well - they go from the battlefield and arthur’s incredibly dirty face as he very realistically looks like he’s falling down and dying and then cut to a very alive and present arthur asking what’s wrong. you can really FEEL the whiplash, and also the dread settles in nice and deep, at least it does if you’re me and you’ve read spoilers, like, “only you can keep arthur safe” BUT I KNOW HE DOESN’T I KNOW HE CAN’T I KNOW HE FAILS and merlin might as well know it too because he looks ready to CRY and thru the rest of this 2-parter opening he acts like he thinks arthur may drop dead at any moment

i feel like i read somewhere once that actors don’t like to eat during a scene unless absolutely necessary because when you do 30 takes of something you get very full very quickly and some even go so far as to have a spit bucket just out of sight so that they can just get rid of it without having to eat any more. which makes it absolutely bananas to me that so often in merlin the characters are not only eating but eating very quickly as though they really have been roughing it in the wilderness all day & are absolutely famished...they don’t have to show them eating so often BUT THEY DO

arthur getting merlin into a tight spot by insisting he perform, planning on laughing at his failure? funny. merlin ACTUALLY USING MAGIC TO TEACH HIMSELF TO JUGGLE so that he could watch arthur’s jaw hit the floor? PRICELESS. i wonder how long it took him to do that, he definitely wasn’t using a body double

merlin is acting so bleak and dire in these episodes that even mr no-empathy himself asks him whats wrong, multiple times. they’re doing a VERY good job at really driving home the fact that arthur’s time is running short and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. merlin’s so sick with dread he’s making ME sick with dread. arthur’s here and being his normal dumbass self but the distance between them feels HUGE during the moments merlin is thinking about arthur’s impending doom

arthur all “i cant believe u can juggle i didnt even know you could catch” and then throwing the boots at merlin only for merlin to NOT CATCH THEM and arthur goes “see explain that” and merlin goes “wish i could” and i D I E 

because he’s KNOWN HIM FOR A DECADE and he still can’t explain the magic and at this point it must feel like to him that he never, ever will UUUUUGH it’s funny how they can feel so close to each other one second and like THIS the next i am DYING

the little conversation they have when they make camp the next night is the same. the sad music plays, merlin keeps looking at arthur like it might be the last time he sees him, and arthur keeps insisting on asking merlin what’s wrong and trying to make him feel better...they’re really for real friends!!! they’re so serious and grown up!!!!!

ive lost count of how many times either merlin or arthur has been nearly dead and had to get hauled around by the other one

also of how many times merlin used his magic in a way that should have been obvious to bystanders and wasn’t

“if morgana doesnt kill you i will" “threatening a king is treason merlin” “what about threatening an ASS” listen. look me in the eyes. this is TOP TIER banter

remember how in the early seasons they’d bend over backwards to leave plausible deniability when expressing affection? like “we’d be good friends if you weren’t a prince” or “you’re not wise or anything but yeah you’re wise” or whatever dumb toxic masculinity bullshit...those days are OVER with. merlin speaks DIRECTLY from the heart. “i’m worried about you” and “i swear i’ll protect you or die at your side” he is not fucking around even a little bit. this fool is in love

they were ALMOST cuddling when they slept together under that overhang

the two of them trapped in that net was PRICELESS. in the early seasons i got a little tired of the frequent slapstick/juvenile humor and wished the series was a bit more serious but now that they’re here i cling to every shred of levity with my whole heart

i was SO relieved to realize gwen wasn’t actually planning on killing that poor girl - i kept saying the entire time it was very out of character for her, no way could she be that cruel

arthur: “you wanna kill me fine but my last request is for you not to kill merlin” merlin: “you wanna kill arthur fine but you’re gonna have to go through me” arthur: “for fucks sake”

merlin: i never do as i’m told! that’s *** ******

i dont care if mordred DID save their lives i NEVER wanted to see him less i am so full of dread

i can’t BELIEVE morgana also has a pet dragon. she and merlin could have been the BEST foils and i’m STAYING mad about it. she was actually so good in this episode - way less full of evil smirks - that i briefly rejoined the morgana defense squad and got REAL pissed when mordred eventually shanked her, ESPECIALLY after she was so happy she was nearly crying to see him again. WHAT IS IT WITH THAT KID AND STABBING PEOPLE KNOCK IT OFF

the snowy environments in this episode were soooo good. the scenery was just...top fucking tier and it’s nice to see them somewhere other than the same old places. also like NO allo but arthur looks really nice just wandering around through a bunch of fucking snowbanks with dirt all over his face

arthur and merlin’s little ploy to steal that dagger by arthur faking a collapse was SO GOOD. they’re SO IN SYNC. i was THRILLED. better still: he winked when he was done. he used like FIVE WHOLE BRAIN CELLS AT ONCE and he was ALMOST as proud of himself as i am proud of him. what a guy, that arthur pendragon

their escape was really good too. the nonverbal communication? top tier! they just give each other little looks and then proceed to wreck the whole scene. doubly funny when the slaver is like WHO SPILLED THAT STUFF and arthur just kind of jerks his head over at merlin. snitches get stitches, YOUR HIGHNESS

i barely felt one whole emotion for sefa or her dad but him dying was like. sad. this show is sad. why the fuck am i watching it. i hate character death. they were hugging

arthur seemed like he was having just the time of his LIFE sneaking into that big ol tower of doom. dude was all cute little quips and smiles. popped his head outta that lil minecart like a kid at christmas

i love also that you give percival nothing but a single sword and in short order he goes about liberating all the slaves, killing all the slavers, and then reappropriating their swords to a better cause. he’s a one-man army. i was SO impressed. and he really looked like he was having fun too

merlin seeing that lil baby dragon again was SO fucked up and sad. why can’t it TALK :(((

also lmao “merlin you cant be that stupid” “no i am if you dont believe me watch” and merlin bolts and arthur sighs with SO much longsuffering and says “im going after him”

the light in morgana’s eyes when she talks about wanting to have arthur’s head and then her stabbing him over and over without actually killing him...she’s batshit insane. rip

i do like that arthur sort of TRIED to talk her around...it’s the first time he’s really gotten to speak with her since the end of season 3 when he found out who she was

on a final note, though, i am less than thrilled with the knighting of mordred...how is it arthur can KNOW who he is, that he’s a druid, and can do magic, and LET HIM INTO THE KNIGHTS, and still have sorcery be outlawed in camelot?? it doesnt make any SENSE

[aro-culture-is]

im starting to think I might be aro but I'm not sure... was wondering if you and your followers can give me some advice? i currently identify as genderfluid & queer. im 25 y/o and have never had a single partner, never been in love, never kissed anyone, ever. I've had many opportunities to, its just that i never felt romantically attracted to any of the people who have liked me (a few cis guys, a lesbian, and a trans guy). I definitely have had sexual desire for others, though. I did had a few romantic crushes on girls through my life but I think I might have forced myself to have them, if that's possible? The idea of romantic love has always fascinated me and I'm a sucker for cheesy romantic stories and stuff with lots of angsty longing and like, I WANT to feel that too. So bad. But I'm starting to think I literally can't? Does this sound like I could be aro? Or can I not really know until I've at least tried to have a romantic relationship with someone? Right now I just kind of feel like I'm broken because I want one but it just feels impossible.

[empty paragraph in case tumblr eats it]

hi!

so right off the bat i’m going to say: i am an internet stranger and I cannot decide your identity for you. that said, you definitely sound like you’re aro.

"never been in love", "i never felt romantically attracted to any of the people who have liked me", “I did had a few romantic crushes on girls through my life but I think I might have forced myself to have them, if that's possible?”, “Right now I just kind of feel like I'm broken because I want one but it just feels impossible”

everything i’ve quoted there is a STRONG sign that alone would make me suspect that you’re aro, but especially the first and last one. a lot of aro ppl “choose” a crush or try to force themselves to feel like they have a crush, and if you think you might have, that’s very much possible.

On a much sadder and more serious note, while I don’t see it quite as strongly with current teens, myself and a lot of a-spec people identified as broken before we knew there was a term and that we were allowed to use it and even feel pride in that. It’s so very easy to listen to society telling us that it’s normal to have crushes and decide not having them must be a problem with us. I knew in 7th grade that I didn’t seem attracted to boys or girls (and knew no nonbinary people aside from myself) and just as deeply “knew” that I must be broken. I’d strongly recommend following aro blogs - seeing representation helps most, in my experience.

that said, here’s some bonus comments which I think are relevant:

I definitely have had sexual desire for others

Strongly recommend that you should look into the term “allo aro” (a shortening of allosexual aro”

The idea of romantic love has always fascinated me and I'm a sucker for cheesy romantic stories and stuff with lots of angsty longing and like, I WANT to feel that too. So bad. / Right now I just kind of feel like I'm broken because I want one but it just feels impossible

a LOT of aros who have submitted to this blog have felt or do feel this way, I suspect. I personally never felt this way so I don’t feel super comfortable providing details on it, but I do notice a common theme of this being a comment from questioning / newly discovered aros who are still coming to terms with things.

That said, there are also some aro folks who do still chose to date/”partner”, both in the traditional romantic sense and in other ways, like in queerplatonic relationships (qprs) and other arrangements, and those can be long-term committed relationships. iirc at least one person has commented before on being a happily married aro person. If you still want a relationship even as an aro, there is a precedent. You won’t be alone even then.

can I not really know until I've at least tried to have a romantic relationship with someone?

there will be people who will tell you this. the venn diagram between those people and the people who will tell you that you cannot be aro because you have dated is a circle. (they never intend to believe you - just to find any excuse not to.)

if it gives you reassurance, you can enter a relationship where your identity as questioning aro is a known factor - but there is NO obligation to do so and i at least would consider it a bad idea to enter a relationship where this isn’t known. I would also caution about “curers” who take that as a challenge and may not express such, and who will take you being in a relationship with them / staying in that relationship for some arbitrary amount of time only known to them as a sign that they’ve “cured” you of being aromantic / aro-spec. In full disclosure, I have no idea how common that is but it is also my only dating experience and a very 0/10 one at that.

I hope that this (wall of text oops) helps! If you’re still not sure, I’d recommend looking through my “am i aro” tag, as on this post, to see me answering similar questions.

- mod kee