#not in a gay way just.. I haven’t had a friendship like this in so long… maybe never?

[evilsnievil]

my emotional support friend’s boyfriend has been riding the bus for the past few weeks and my friend has been sitting with him instead of me on the rides home and like

I feel no malice or anything against his boyfriend he’s literally so cool but

Those rides home with my friend laughing and talking about whatever were the only thing getting me thru my days and now im just sitting by myself like a loser listening to them giggle and shit a few seats away like😐

[cvpidzcvrse]

Nah, I'm Better.

divider by @cafekitsune

✦A/N: OK! this took longer than expected but LISTEN! I'm here now and probably will be dropping more frequently (hopefully). Reader is also a slut I mean she could talk me through it and I'd let her. But I tried to eat down as much as possible for this fic so the girlies and the gays wouldn't starve. Gojo is driving my dream car, a girl can only imagine.

⋆.ೃ࿔*･Synopsis: You and Satoru have been best friends since elementary school. By the time you both made it to college he’s hated every single partner you’ve ever had. Your recent ex isn’t any different, but he’s doing something about it this time.

⋆.ೃ࿔*･wc: 2,887

⋆.ೃ࿔*Warnings: best friends to lovers, praise, car sex, arguments (ish), cowgirl, choking, handjob, p in v, no protection, finishing inside (practice safe sex)

(the reader is black)

If you had a dollar for every time you and Satoru got mistaken for a couple you’d be rich, not richer than him. He loves it when people mistake him for your boyfriend. It’s the ego boost he doesn’t need. He’s liked you for a while but you always shut him down. Either for another guy or because you see him as just a “friend”. You knew that was a lie, you didn’t want to ruin the friendship between you guys. So to buried your feelings for Satoru and used other men as a distraction. Fuck buddies, friends with benefits, sugar daddies, you name it. Nothing was ever successful; it always ended in heartbreak or fights. Satoru hated that you went for men who were lower than your standard.

He hated that you didn’t go for him. That’s part of the reason why he’s parked outside a fancy restaurant waiting for you to walk out.  

You thought this guy was the one, you’d been talking for a couple weeks, going on dates, even fucked a few times. But no people always have to ruin it, it was fun while it lasted. Mahito was a guy you met off of Tinder. He was nice, sweet, and probably the realest guy you’ve ever met. That was until date number four when he brought up his love for podcasts. Specifically a podcast by the name ‘Fresh and Fit’, you know the podcast that goes around and hates on women for a check. 

What a loser…

After learning that information you left the date immediately. Leaving him with a “Get a life, nigga.” before quickly walking out of the restaurant. The cold drizzle of rain calms your nerves as you heave out a soft sigh. Your eyes meet a familiar and sleek all-black Ford Bronco. An air of comfort travels throughout your body. You haven’t been this excited to see Satoru since…ever. He’s already looking in your direction with his cheeky smile, flashing you his pearly white teeth. He’s always been handsome, your whole life was spent watching girls and even guys swoon over him. You can’t even remember if he accepted any of the advances, you don’t even think he’s had a girlfriend that you know of.

His jagged blue eyes met your dark brown ones and it’s like a firework went off in front of you. Your waist-length knotless braids, glossy plump lips, and warm brown skin have him in a chokehold. The way your honey-glazed skin complimented your outfit made him want to rip it off right there. Luckily his windows are tinted enough to hide his very noticeable lustful gaze, but you felt his eyes burning holes into your head. With a visible frown on your face, you swiftly open the car door. You come face to face with Satoru’s fuck boy grin, you almost melt on the spot.

“When I said ‘call me for emergencies.’ It didn’t include shitty dates.”

You roll your eyes before playfully punching his arm. Satoru speeds out of the parking lot before you can even put your seatbelt on. Your back hits the seat roughly before you send a glare Satoru’s way.

“Chill out, nigga damn. You didn’t even hear how the date went and you’re already mad.”

“I’m mad because you didn’t listen to me. I told you not to trust that fucking loser, now look at where we are.”

You could hear his eyes rolling before you saw it. He’s the leader of the sassy man apocalypse and he never denies it. You grimaced at the undeniable truth that he was right, and you knew it. You cross your arms over your chest and gaze out at the widow districting yourself with the scenery. 

“Hey…look at me.”

His light-hearted voice quickly melted in your ears like honey. He softly gripped your chin and turned your face to his. He analyzed your expression for a moment. Admiring your features, planning your future, imagining his cock inside of you. He’s quickly brought out of his thoughts when you playfully push his hand away. 

“Hands off, this makeup took time.”

He scuffs at your statement before looking back at the busy road. You analyze him for a while, taking in his features. Your thoughts are more innocent than his, and you hope it stays that way. 

“Listen…I’m sorry I didn’t listen. But, niggas man you don’t understand. They’re all so annoying.”

The more you think about your past rendezvous the more it turned into torture. Satoru knew about every failed date. He was always there to be a shoulder to cry on and a dick to ride if you asked him. He knows very well about your tragic love life, he doesn’t remember a successful relationship you’ve been in. He lectured you every time he picked you up from a bad date or situationship ending in ‘So, what are we?’. He wasn’t upset with you, he was more upset that you refused to see his obvious feelings for you. 

“This is just starting to get repetitive. (✧), This is just...nevermind”

He smacked his lips at the end of his statement. A habit he picked up from you after all of the years you two have spent together. His mouth opens to say something else but nothing comes out. He huffs and runs his hand through his hair, he’s frustrated by the current events.

“Don’t get an attitude with me. You think I want to date guys like this?”

Your accusatory tone makes his attention shift slightly from the road. He scans his brain for what to say. He doesn’t want to upset you anymore but he also didn’t want to sugarcoat anything. As a wannabe lover, he wants nothing but the best for you even if it means telling you a harsh reality. 

Your taste in men is shit. 

He doesn’t have enough fingers or toes to list off the amount of guys that hurt you in the past. Nanami was too formal for you, Toji was a bum that leeched off of you, Sukuna was an asshole, and Satoru would’ve killed Suguru if he even attempted to flirt with you. 

“No, you know what I mean. You deserve better than these dumbasses you go after.”

The venom in his voice is very noticeable. Satoru’s carefree nature is cracking under the stress of your love life. Your stubborn nature refuses to let you back down to him, especially when he’s like this. 

“Toru’ I can date and fuck who I want! I don’t need to be lectured by you. I understand that you care, but let me live my life.”

Your response almost sent Satoru out of the car. His eyes twitched in annoyance and his knuckles turned white from gripping the steering wheel. You watch the way his jaw tightened and his muscles flexed. It turned you on, a lot. As much as you hate to admit it, you looove making him mad. It was just the way his relaxed facade melted away when you threw careless sentences at him. His foot softly pressed on the brake when coming to a red light. He slowly shifted his body to face you, if looks could fuck he’d be fucking you right now. Just the thought of him bending you over the center console had your clit aching. 

“Do not say that, I will crash this car right now and kill us both.”

He glanced at you with a smirk trying to lighten the melancholy-stricken mood. You scuff at his childish antics.

“Oh my god, be for real-”

Ring…

Your phone buzzed in your purse, and your soon-to-be lecture got cut short. Your eyes widened when you saw the caller I.D. read ‘Mahito’. You let it ring for a few seconds before finally answering it. 

“Why are you calling me? I told you we were over.”

Satoru's ears perked when he heard the hostility in your voice. There was a snarky voice on the other end and they were loudly throwing a fit. His eyes analyzed your expression and the way your calmness was replaced with annoyance. 

“You don’t think I can do better than you?…You’re one goofy ass nigga, you know that?…Whatever, fuck you!”

You harshly shoved your phone into your purse and groaned. The awkward silence was almost tangible; you would have to cut it with a chainsaw. Mahito’s words circled in your head and it pissed you off more and more. Who does he think he is? You hum slightly when a very filthy idea comes to your mind. 

“Satoru, I need you to take me somewhere.”

｡.｡:∞♡*

“Why the fuck are we here? Please don’t tell me you’re about to do something stupid.”

Satoru’s tone is laced with worry and confusion. He has no clue why he was parked outside of Mahito’s house right now and he didn’t know why you wanted to come here. You give him a cheeky smile before unbuckling your seatbelt and slowly leaning over the center console. You’re incredibly close to Satoru’s face, your nose practically touching his. All you can do is stare sensually into his ice-blue eyes, but the sense of longing is undeniably visible. 

“What are you doing?”

His voice spills out lowly like silk touching your ears. You take in a breath before crashing your lips into his. He’s caught by surprise but that’s quickly replaced with lust. His veiny hands quickly trace every curve on your body and tangle his fingers in your braids. You pull away taking in the wonderful scenery that Satoru was turned into. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is messy. You both stare at each other in awe and affection. It’s like something was unlocked in the middle of this little plan of revenge. 

“Get in the back.”

You nod before watching him walk out and around as you climb in the back. He opens the back door and stares at you for a moment, taking in the way your skirt is hiked up and your shirt tousled around. He quickly gets in and closes the door, basically pouncing on you. His mouth attacks your neck quickly, leaving several bite marks and hickeys. Without breaking the kiss you roughly pushed him onto the car door behind him. He lets out a low groan and rests his hands on your waist. You reach down and fumble with his belt buckle before finally breaking the kiss and using your hands. 

“If you need help you could’ve just asked.”

“Shut up.”

He chokes out a gasp when you take his cock out of his boxers. You wrap your manicured hand around his big cock and slowly massage the length. You trace circles around his tip with your thumb. A low groan settles at the bottom of his throat as silence sighs escape his lips. He unscrewed his eyes to meet the brazen expression on your face. His chuckles and mixed moans are sending you over the edge. You reach down and caress your clit through your panties. Satoru doesn’t fall ignorant of this and quickly grabs your hand to stop the satisfying motion.

“Suck it, I want your mouth.”

He let out a low chuckle as you took his full length into your mouth. You let out a whine as the tip of his cock touched the back of your throat. Satoru’s head flew back in pleasure as his hand rested comfortably on top of your head. He can sense your greed from the way your tongue moves along his tip. He sighed out a moan and softly pushed your head down further. 

“F-fuck…you’re doing so well.”

He stifles a throaty moan with his free hand and laces his hands in your hair. You were quick to grab his wrist and yank his hand away. You trailed soft kisses up the length of his cock, from base to tip. 

“I wanna hear you, pretty boy. Let me hear you.”

Your voice was soothing and soft it probably could’ve put him to sleep if it weren’t for the current circumstances. He melted at your command and quickly left his hand to the side. You tease his leaking tip with your tongue before putting it all in your mouth again. His mouth goes agape as slutty moans spill out and his hands grip your hair tightly. The way your head is bobbing up and down on his cock has his mind going blank. His cock twitches in your mouth before he quickly shoves your head away.

“I don’t want to cum yet. C’mon get on top, ride what’s yours.”

You swiftly straddle his lap and he pushes your panties to the side. You wrap your arms around him as he slowly pushes you on his hard cock. You let a soft moan and tug at Satoru’s hair. He moans in response and pushes you down deeper.

“Shit…fuck me, c’mon.”

His mouth is hovering over your ear and his voice is low and seductive. You slowly start to rock your hips and grind on his cock. After adjusting to his size you messily start bouncing on his cock. Strings of curses spew out of his mouth and his grip on your waist gets tighter. 

“Like this baby? Mmph…you’re so big.”

The constant praise is making the blood rush to his face. He hides his blushing face in your shoulder and leaves several bite marks. The car windows turn foggy and the only thing illuminating the car is the moonlight. Satoru’s moans can probably be heard from blocks away. His hands are under your sweater groping and squeezing your plush breast. His fingers pull and twist at your nipples as your pace gets messy. 

“Give me your hand…”

His voice is carnal and vibrating in your ear. It makes your clit twitch and your tempo stagger. You untangle your hand from his hair and place your hand in his. He takes two of your fingers and places them in his mouth. He doesn’t break eye contact, he’s just looking at you like a meal waiting to be devoured. He slowly sucks them and swirls his tongue around them. The scene in front of you is so sensual and slow, you’ve never experienced something so intimate before. He slowly pulls your fingers out of his as a saliva trail is the only thing left behind.

“Play with your clit for me. I wanna watch while you bounce on my cock.”

His voice moves like velvet through your body. It’s like he’s talking right to your pussy and she’s answering very loudly. The moment your hand reaches your clit Satoru plunges his cock into you. His thrust gets more violent and his large cock attacks your cervix. Your head dips back in pleasure in the constant assault on your insides. 

He’s starting to unravel like a present. His strokes get messier, sweet liquid spilling everywhere, his moans getting louder and more frequent. His nail prints are embedded on your love handles and your thighs are a wet mess. 

“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. C’mon baby you can do it.”

His pleading sends shivers down your spine. You’ve never seen him so desperate before, it was empowering that your pussy brought him down a few notches. His pussy drunk stare is intoxicating to look at. The way he’s looking at you with his eyes half-lidded with nothing but lust in them. There was something about the way he looked at you; it wasn't just lust. It was like you were a necessity to him, he needed you.

“Mmph…baby I’m ‘bouta cum!”

“Cum for me, you’d make me so proud. Cum on my cock princess.”

Satoru replaced your hand with his and traced circles on your clit. With his hand working its magic and his cock peppering kisses on your cervix sends you crazy. The car is rocking very noticeably but you could care less. Your climax crashes onto you like a ton of bricks. Your juices spill all over his thick cock and coat his length in a slippery mess. His warm and sticky ropes decorate your insides, leaving his pants soaked and a wet ring around the base of his cock.

“That’s it, I’m so proud of you baby.”

 He tenderly pulls out and holds you tight to him, taking in the moment. You rest your forehead on his shoulder, you both desperately trying to catch whatever air is left in your lungs. You hear Satoru chuckle slowly while tracing kisses on your neck. 

“What’s so funny? Did my pussy make you delirious or what?” 

He shakes his head and lifts your head softly and turns it towards the window. While swallowed by lust you didn’t notice Satoru rolled the window down. Mahito is staring in awe and anger; he looks like he is about to explode. Satoru’s chuckle turns into a full-blown cackle as he glances at Mahito, sending him that cheeky smile that you love so much. You join Satoru in his joyous laughter before reaching over and rolling up the window.

“At least my plan worked. Let’s do it again but this time with handcuffs.” 

[taissaswifelowkey]

dreaming

bartender afab reader and anora

it’s difficult to love someone and not being the right person for the other. you’re sure that’s how ani feels or would feel about you. but how are you so sure? can you be so sure?

let’s pretend ivan doesn’t exist here 😜🔥🔥

a/n: i cannot wait anymore and anora is coming out in six days so here’s a drabble. also if you noticed, the title is named after dreaming by blondie which was used in the trailer :) (i’m sorry, im really a fan of movies and their details) proofread but there might be typos, leave feedback if you have any and enjoy reading!!

warnings: uhhh if you know what the movie is about then you know it’s about ani’s job like everyone else in her place of work but nothing is explicitly mentioned. UMMM KISSINGGG?? mentions of legal drinking, swearing, a touch sad, gay yearning but it ends on a really hopeful note, i promise! that’s it really. and self indulgence you already knowww probably an out of character anora, i haven’t seen the movie as yet but that will be corrected soon once it releases in cinemas here ‼️‼️

it starts below the cut 🤠

Loud music was blasting through the speakers. You can still hear the faint noises of laughter and chuckles, slightly distracting you as you were only looking for the laughter of one person.

You swear it’s the only thing you’re looking forward to everytime you tend the bar. Not for the additional tips offered by clients who would pretend to act all innocent and have no idea of what they’re doing. But for her jokes, her gentle smile and her laugh that always sends a strange swirl in your abdomen. For her warm touch whenever you felt like you could handle it. It’s insane how she sends you a visceral yet pleasant shiver throughout your entire body whenever she’d rest her head on your shoulder. Her floral, white musk scent would make you completely feel dizzy. You were once on the rooftop of your tiny flat when it first happened. Ani’s hands were in yours the entire time while you talked and she wouldn’t let go. Maybe the alcohol helped you ignore how much your heart struggled to regain its normal rhythm. And her fragrance didn’t really help your situation. That’s when you knew you were entirely fucked.

You fell for people before. But not for your friends. Especially not your close friends. She was the good thing you had in life among others. Losing her was not something you’d even want to imagine, the thought making you upset. Besides, thinking about different probabilities about her catching on to your crush would always circle back to the same answer. She might be straight and this will leave an awkward gap between your friendship and you won’t be as close anymore, will look back at all the interactions you had before and paint you as a creep. Or she might not be but it will still leave an awkward taint in your relationship. Either way you needed to get over this and get over it quickly.

Blinking back your thoughts as you found yourself spiralling again, you wiped the counter with a cloth, a drunk client haven spilled drinks before while having two girls wrapped around him. You were slightly grateful for your daydreams' interruption. Letting your mind roam about Ani was like a double edged sword.

As you cleaned the surface, a voice catches your attention.

“Finally, I get to have some time for you.”

Your eyebrows rose slightly and you were about to answer the person talking to you when you noticed her playful smile and her eyes.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

It’s also insane how your brain manifests its thoughts and wonderings into reality, her presence seeming to have a powerful hold on you.

“Are you okay? You look like you’re like…drunk. Are you? Look, I wouldn’t tell anyone but doing this is pretty risky. Definitely don’t do it without me next time, though.”

Get yourself together.

“It’s just one of those days where I had to stay up cramming for a test and got three hours of sleep.”

“Oh and I thought those days were over and you’d take your sleep seriously. What happened to you putting aside caffeine and focusing on a good sleep schedule?”

“Left behind me. But it worked for a week in my defence.”

You try to laugh but the highlighter near her eyes, her perfectly applied eyeliner and her lipstick makes all your cells come alive. She’s so damn pretty.

With a disapproving look, she reaches to fix your collar.

“Do I have to babysit you or something? College is already hard as it is. I don’t need you stumbling around me.”

You already do that.

“I wouldn’t mind having an overseer.”

With a wink, you take care of an order for a client approaching the bar, missing her slight chuckle at your tease. It’s a good thing she’s not a mind reader, your brain overplaying the sentence“why the fuck would you that out loud?”

The customer follows her gaze over you but doesn’t pay any mind, sidling over to her.

“Hey…I have enough for two drinks. Or three, if you’d like.”

You visibly hurl at the sight. That was worse than what you said.

Taking a deep breath and focusing on cleaning an already clean glass, you keep a subtle glance on him. His aftershave wafts in the air and leaves an unpleasant overwhelming scent.

You hate how he looks clean, fresh. The way he has a perfect jawline. How his smooth, deep voice, almost makes you wish you could have the same traits as him.

This was getting ridiculous. You’re getting ridiculous.

Throwing the towel over your shoulder, you sigh at the relief of having customers flood the counter. A bachelor’s party. You just go on autopilot, listen to their orders and ignore their vague offensive teenage boy adjacent behaviour.

Ani’s focused on the charming man. At least, she was trying too. Sure, he was funny and looked like a formula one pilot…but was also incredibly bland. For the past thirty minutes it’s been him, him, him. She knows his name but he has no idea about hers, he didn’t even ask any questions.

While he goaded about having a mansion in The Hamptons or who knows where, she trailed back her eyes to you. You felt different. Your overall senses felt different. She didn’t felt the calm radiating energy balancing her bright one anymore. And she wasn’t joking when she asked you if you were off. For the past few weeks you looked downright exhausted. She believes that it’s because of your midterms, but she knows there’s something more to it. You have this sort of signal whenever you’d close yourself off from people. You’d get really silent, almost out of space. Then you would twist the rings you have on your fingers, one of then being a gift she got for you.

Then there were your texts. You weren’t dry or simply answering her texts for the purpose of replying but you would always be late to do so. She knows you’re busy with college and whatnot, but she also knew you well. You were hiding something from her. The dilemma she had to deal with was whether to confront you because you being somewhat closed off felt like losing you. Or should she wait until you talk to her?

Will you?

⋆｡°✩

The guy who talked her ear off didn’t even bother paying for her drinks, just his. Her best friend is acting weird. And on top of that she has a show in ten minutes. She can’t operate with a negative state of mind. And none of what was happening was of help.

She understands you and knows you need your own pace when it comes to handling certain things. But what exactly are you handling? And why were you looking like a kicked puppy but now you’re chatting and chuckling with your coworker. That or you were forcing yourself. Yeah, something is wrong. And she’s tired of this.

Completely ignoring the conversation you’re having, which by the way, must be uninteresting and forced because she knows you only really laugh those warm laugh of yours with hers, she asks if you can soon talk.

She’s still respectful of your working hours. When she could just drag you outside and beg you to tell her what is going on with you.

“My shift is over in five minutes, Ani—”

“I can take over from here. You’ve been practically hosting the patrons on me.”

Your coworker, smiles at you and moves to your position. Good.

And you’re so tired and confused you don’t even process how Ani marches over the bar, gently takes your hand and smiles at the man before leading you through the crowded room of sweating bodies until you reach a private, quieter area.

She steps in the room and mentions for you to do the same. You’re honestly surprised how you didn’t manage to faint.

“I need to know what’s your problem.”

Your eyebrows furrow at her tone, knowing she usually takes it with annoying clients or rude people who feel the need to make comments.

“What problem?”

“With me.”

She won’t waste anytime. Whatever the fuck is happening between you two has to end.

You feel your knees go wobbly so you just sit, trying to calm down your hammering heart.

“I…I have no…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You blurt out in one go, as if taking your time to answer the question might reduce the chance of her picking up on how out of breath you are.

She chuckles dryly, raking her hands through her hair, pacing the room.

Don’t yell. This is not the approach to take here.

“Then why the fuck are you so distant with me?”

She couldn’t control the raised volume of her voice. She quickly regretted it, seeing how you slightly jerked up.

The dim lighting concealed how your eyes were getting bleary and hid her face flushed with anger. Or sadness. Maybe a bit of both. The room felt so stuffy. You looked down at your shoes, finding the colours to be so interesting.

“Did I do something wrong?”

She whispered, barely even audible, like a ghostly breath. You’re sure you wouldn’t have heard her if it weren’t for the utter silence in the room.

And you felt bad. Plain miserable. But hiding the truth was a way to protect the both of you, right? What would she do if she found out that you were crushing, no, fucking fell in love with her and carried on like nothing ever happened—

“Right. I have my answer then. Look, I don’t know what I did wrong but…I want you to know I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I’ll try to be better from now on and so hope that I’m deserving enough of a second chance.”

She sniffs, trying to keep her breathing steady. She couldn’t lose you. Wouldn’t lose you. You’re the best thing in her life. And she hates herself for pushing you away.

She gives you another mental chance at speaking up before moving to leave.

And you let her.

Wiping the few tears she has, she swiftly leaves the room. And when you’re the only one left, you let the tears flow through your face, wanting nothing but to be honest with her, tell her how you feel, relieve yourself from the feeling of carrying what is similar to that of a burden.

Loving her doesn’t feel like one, though. It feels freeing. Weirdly enough it’s like you share the same oxygen, and a part of her cut is sure enough for you to choke.

You look down at the ring she got you from a thrift store, saying that it reminded her of you. Silver. With star design engravings.

“I don’t know why but being with you feels like I’m dreaming.”

Fighting back your nausea, you trace your fingers over the stars, remembering how she held your fingers in hers, linking them together.

You had to tell her the truth. You had to risk telling the truth. She’s deserving of it. And whatever outcome it has, not that you’re thinking of any positive ones, it will be a great relief. Even if it’s painful.

⋆｡°✩

Allowing yourself a minute to take deep breaths and gather your wordings, you slowly left the room, trudging to wait for Ani until she completes her show.

You wait for her near her trailer room, your legs still feeling weak, and slide down the door. Even though you willed your heart to calm down, you still feel this immense pressure on your chest, a slight headache and fatigue from all the overwhelming sensations. You close your eyes and try to rest.

It must not have been that long, because someone is lightly, gently shaking your shoulder. You lift your head from your crossed arms, blinking blearily at the presence of people and lights before your tired gaze lands on her.

Her warm hands are on your cheeks and you feel like you could cry anytime now, even in front of her friends who looks at you like you’re on the verge of a breakdown.

With a silent look, she asks them to leave you, one of them muttering “call me if you need anything.”

She should hate you. She doesn’t even know if she does. But you’re not exactly one of her most favourite people anymore.

That doesn’t mean that seeing you like this makes her feel a sense of victory. If anything it just adds to the shitty mess of emotions she has when it comes to you.

“Ani…”

You softly whispered, trying to get up but she presses down on your shoulders. She picks up bottle of water on the ground and opens it for you.

“Drink.”

Your eyes are puffy and red, your face completely heated. Whatever it is that is happening with you…she wants to help. If you’d let her. If only you’d let her.

Although the water did make you a little clearheaded, you still needed to a bit of space before the same thing happens again.

“Ani, I…this…”

Your head leans back at the door, your eyes closed. She’s never seen you like this. This vulnerable and lost.

She’s grateful that you’re feeling safe…or felt safe enough to be that way around her. If this is the last chance you two have of mending this weird relationship.

“Let’s go outside.”

“But…don’t you have anyone to see after?”

With a wry smile, she stands up and offers you her hand.

“My shift ended as soon as my friends told me you were passed out. Let me get our jackets, okay?”

Right. You would always leave your jackets here. Now you’re worried this would only give valuable reasons of making you look like some weird obsessive.

You wish you had something to drink.

After getting your jackets, you thank her, and walk outside the nightclub, waiting as she waves goodbye to everyone. That’s the thing. Everyone loves her. She could have anyone. Any thoughts of you and her being together for a split second is bounds enough for you to check for signs of delusions.

You lean against the wall, refusing a cigarette when she offers you one.

You don’t want to waste anymore second. The more you wait…the more the dagger will twist in your stomach. Literally. And figuratively. Because you would bleed your love out for that girl.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

You muttered after two minutes, your eyes trained on the sky. It was particularly starry this evening.

Ani confusedly stares at you but says nothing, waiting for you to speak.

Finally speak.

“You didn’t do to say anything hurtful to me, Ani. You never could. I would trust you with my life.”

A pause for breath.

“You apologising when you’re not in the wrong shows how much you care. And you talked about whether you deserved a second chance but that thought never crossed my mind. I’m the one who should apologise and ask you for a second chance. I’ve been acting like a complete jerk these past couple weeks. I’m sorry. That was…that was fucked up on my part.”

You twirl your star ring, and encourage your brain to spill everything that’s it’s been clogging your senses with, spill everything that you’ve been hiding.

“I don’t deserve you at all. I shouldn’t. Not with the way I’ve been feeling—”

“What have you been feeling?”

Her cigarette long finished, she took the opportunity to speak, to finally know what’s the deal between the both of you and if it will ever be resolved. She’ll do it with time and effort, even if you insist that she didn’t do anything wrong. But she won’t do it if you let things go. If you let her go.

You drop your hands and lift your eyes to hers, your ears welling with tears you could hardly make up her frame.

“I’m in love with you.”

To say she felt her guts fell to the ground would have been a complete understatement. She chuckles hesitantly, wondering if this was some kind of sick excuse, and sees nothing but. Her mouth opens and closes, her eyebrows furrowing. While you just wanted to throw up.

“You…what?”

Saying it once was difficult enough but this felt like plunging a knife through your chest.

You’re willing to spill your blood for her if this means saying goodbye. At least she’ll know how much she meant to you.

“I love you, Ani. I don’t know when I realised it but I love you. You’re always there for me, you’re kind and so gentle. You treat me like I’m worth something. And I treasure that. But…I also treasure our relationship and I understand if you think I’m some weirdo who just wanted to be friends with you because I’m attracted to women. Just tell me and I’ll stay away from you, I will get away and—”

“Stop.”

She takes a tired hand to her forehead, lightly pinching it.

Oh you have fucked up so bad—

“Are you fucking with me?”

Your eyes widen at the question before you clear your throat, trying not to cry. You can’t cry.

“No. I…I have feelings for you. I would understand if you think it’s awful.”

“Can you not say that? Why would it be awful?”

“Because you…because you don’t…”

“What, just cause you see me flirting and dating guys doesn’t mean I can’t do the same for girls?”

There’s a soft twinkle in her eyes, the same one you love to find yourself lost in.

“But…but that doesn’t mean you can like me back.”

God, how ridiculous you were.

Do you know the way you made her feel whenever you would hold a sleepover and bring her favourite things to bed just for her? Or offer a drive to and back from her place? And whenever you’d leave your sweater, her favourite sweater, in her reach, don’t you think she wished she could really hold you?

She steps closer to you, moving to wipe your tears away.

“You have no idea, do you?”

Well, to be fair…she was pretty good at hiding it. With you, however, she should have been able to pick up on the signs. Maybe then it might have been quicker.

You close your eyes, refusing to believe that any of this is real and that it’s just a lucid nightmare.

“Look at me, baby.”

She softly whispers, waiting for you to meet her gaze. She presses a kiss on the tip of your nose, loving how absolutely adorable you look.

“I love you. So much. You know when I said that being with you felt like I was dreaming? That’s how I always want to feel. I don’t want us to be apart. Ever. And for that whole thing of me rejecting you? That’s bullshit. You’d still be my best friend in any case.”

You don’t know if you can believe that.

“I would never lie to you.”

She feels her voice breaking with the intensity of emotions she’s feeling. It’s you. Every night, every day, it’s you. You feel more like a dream, really…she would fade into you if you’d allow her to.

“You love me?”

“I love you.”

“Say it again.”

Your voice is hoarse, an effort at trying to hold back your cries. You think you can see Ani’s eyes blearing too, hesitantly reaching up to wipe her tears, just like she did with yours.

“I love you.”

She wastes no time. She doesn’t want to waste anytime.

She presses her forehead against yours, grateful for your touch. The number of times she held those hands, felt them around her waist or shoulders when you’d embrace each other, can’t be at the same level as it is now. Your eyes meet, and you notice the slight darkened hue of her pupils, the sight sending a heat tumbling down your chest.

“Now, you say it.”

“I…I love you, Ani. More than you know.”

She cups your cheeks, her eyes flickering between yours.

“Don’t ever leave me again.”

“I won’t.”

“You promise?”

“I’d swear on my life for you.”

Long seconds are morphed into minutes and you can’t detach yourself from the haze you’re trapped in. Her eyes then lower to your lips before they meet yours again. This time, the painful hammering that you felt in your chest has been replaced by a fluttering sensation.

“Can I kiss you?”

Her question pangs over and over in your mind, mostly because you want to remember everything she said in the exact tone. Thinking she stepped too far, she was about to pull back and apologise when you wrapped your arms around her waist and nodded.

She chuckled, leaning to graze her lips, trailing from your cheek to your ear, tickling the skin.

“Words, baby.”

“Y-yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I want to kiss you.”

“Good.”

She looks between your eyes, slowly leaning in to give you enough time before she captures her lips in yours. It feels like she’s living for the first time again. She’s buzzing from the softness of your lips, how they taste like your chapstick you always carried everywhere with you.

It’s slow, new, almost hesitant. But it still makes her feel warm, on top of her jacket, forgetting the evening winter air surrounding you. You break apart for a quick breath before pulling each other closer again, this time the kiss going from sweet to passionate. She softly tugs your bottom lip with her teeth, making you slightly yelp. She smiles against your lips before you switch positions and gently push her on the wall, breaking apart to kiss her jaw, her neck, careful not to leave any marks, then back to her lips. Everything is mingled. Your tastes, your breaths, your bodies, no one wants to leave anytime soon. Too drunk with desire to do anything about it.

Until you hear remaining dancers leave and you jump. Ani laughs and you join along with her, the sounds creating a blissful harmony.

You wrap your arms around her, pressing her body closer to yours, and take a moment to breathe.

You’re sure you would give your own life if it were to kiss Ani again. It felt as good as it was in your dreams, sweet, loving, and hungry.

“When there’s something you need to tell me, tell me, alright? No more secrets from now on.”

“I will. I promise you. I’m…I’m so sorry again for not saying anything sooner.”

She softly presses kisses all over your face, before tugging on your jacket and pressing her lips against yours.

“Don’t apologise. I understand if you were afraid. I would be, too. I was…even a bit scared if I’m honest with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. But we’re…we’re together now, right?”

You’ve never seen her this way, so uncertain. You promised yourself to never make her feel doubt again. Not like you did before.

“We’re together. I’m your girl, Ani.”

“And I’m yours.”

And one last kiss was shared before you ended up in your home, not knowing the place will morph with memories you’ve created together.

[haztobegood]

This 28th comes with the heaviest of hearts. Over the past few days I've been finding comfort in the many, many ways Liam's memory will live on in the thousands of stories we have, so I wanted to share a few fics I love that feature Liam.

🦕 Hot Zauce by wemadethishome @theeliampayne (NR, <1k, OT5, fluff)

Zayn gets Liam, Niall, Harry, and Louis to try his homemade hot sauce.

🦕 The In-Between by LadyAJ_13 @ladyaj-13 (G, 2K, OT5 friendship, afterlife)

“You wake up in a desert with an angel, a demon and a grim reaper-” “-and the accounts manager!” “-yes, alright Liam, and the accounts manager - and you haven’t realised you’re dead?”

🦕 Hesitate by allwaswell16 @allwaswell16 (E, 2k, Liam/Louis, childhood friends to lovers, college au)

He’d always been in love with Louis. From the time he was old enough to understand attraction, he’d been attracted to Louis, not that he’d been ready to do anything about it at the time. Instead, he’d just supported him like a best friend should. He was there for Louis when he came out to his mom. He was there for Louis when he landed the leading role in the school play. He was there for him when Louis didn’t have a date for the prom. He was there when Louis got his heart broken. And he waited. He’d waited until he couldn’t stand to wait any more. A college au where Liam and Louis went from childhood friends to lovers to exes and back again.

🦕 The Grundy County Drag Show Incident by haztobegood (T, 3k, Liam/Zayn, drag show, gay awakening)

The instrumental opening of Beyoncé’s Halo filled the bar, and the crowd clapped in time to the beat. Holding a wireless mic in her gloved hand, Veronica Stardust owned the stage. She was one of the most vocally talented drag queens in the Midwest. Harry and Louis had seen this act a few times before and were always blown away at the power of her voice. Liam, however, was just experiencing it for the first time. He didn’t know what was yet to come.

🦕 Rising to the Occasion by LadyAJ_13 @ladyaj-13 (G, 4k, OT5 friendship, Great British Bake Off)

The camera pans across lush parkland to highlight a white tent, crisp and blinding in the spring sunshine. Four people cross the green lawn, elbows knocking until one is shoved to the side. The camera shot changes, zooming in on the same four figures lined up in cream aprons. “We’re One Direction,” they say, with cheesy grins and almost in unison. “And this is The Great British Stand up to Cancer Bakeoff!”

🦕 I Said It Wrong, But I Meant It Right by lululawrence @lululawrence (NR, 4k, Liam/Nick Grimshaw, genderswapped, firefighter!Liam)

Nick was a bit of a disaster, but she was used to it. Or so she thought. She had never known how much she could struggle just to function until the new fire lady goddess angel person winked at her.

🦕 For One of the Least of These by LadyLondonderry @londonfoginacup (G, 6k, OT5 friendship, witches, roommates)

“Sorry,” says Harry. “The fox has a curse?” He looks back toward the living room, suddenly feeling like at any moment some sinister force is going to come rushing through and attack them. He doesn’t like curses. Even the oven freaks him out a bit. “Correction,” says Niall. “The fox is the curse. He’s human, I can tell.” “Whoa,” says Liam. “You just let a cursed human loose in our house?” “Well I wasn’t going to leave him out there, was I?” Niall asks, looking at Liam like he’s daft again. “It’s freezing out there!” Or, the one where Harry, Liam, Niall and Zayn are witches and Louis is the fox with a curse.

🦕 bad luck to talk on these rides by wordsnnotes @quelsentiment (G, 10k, Liam&Louis, Liam/Zayn, first meetings and awkward conversations)

“So… how did you and Zayn meet exactly?” Louis turned to look at him, and Liam flinched under his somewhat cold stare. “What, Zayn hasn’t told you? I’m offended, I’ll have to have a word with him.” Liam genuinely couldn’t tell if Louis was joking or not. He squirmed a little under the pressure. “No, I mean, he did. Just thought it would be interesting to have your own perspective on it, I guess.” “Why? Are you conducting some kind of investigation? Want to know if our stories match up or something?” Liam nervously chuckled, keeping his eyes on the road. “What? No, of course not.” He shot a glance at Louis, who raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything else, as if waiting for Liam to explain. But what's there to explain? he thought, half panicking. He only wanted to be friendly, goddammit. Or: Liam just started dating Zayn and is desperate to make a good impression on Louis, his best friend. But things are off to an awkward start.

🦕 Singing Harmonies in Neverland's Embrace by zanni_scaramouche @zanniscaramouche (M, 21k, Liam/Harry, famous/not famous, omegaverse)

Two minutes and seventeen seconds. That’s all it took. Liam wasn’t there, he’s only read the reports. He doesn’t know if Harry’s heart sounded the same as it does now, rapid and high strung. If Harry had frozen at the scent of Zayn’s blood. If Harry had screamed, or gasped, or cried. Liam wasn’t there, and he’s determined to make sure he never finds out what Harry does when one of his bodyguards takes a knife to the chest.

🦕 You Don't Have To Be Lonely This Christmas by LadyLondonderry @londonfoginacup (T, 35k, Liam/Zayn, Christmas, library, roommates)

Louis knew that it would happen sooner or later. He was struggling, and his roommates weren’t. It only made sense for them to offer his place in the house to someone else. But now, it’s the first of December, and he has less than a week to find somewhere cheap to stay. At least until after the holidays. Enter: an old friend with an old house and a suspiciously empty bed. Happy Christmas, here’s to many more.

🦕 not even a landslide or riptide could take it all away by we_are_the_same @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed (M, 49k, Liam/Zayn, friends to lovers, hurt/comfort)

When Liam was younger he used to daydream about fame, but right now he wishes he was still fourteen and naive enough to think that the things that people would have to say about him were nice. But he’s not fourteen. He’s twenty eight and for the past decade he’s grown accustomed to being a commodity, being on display. He’s had more media training than he can remember, but no amount of training could have prepared him for what’s been coming at him in the past few hours, for the judgment, the memes and the laughter. For the way that he’s suddenly become theirs now in a way that he’s never been, not even at the height of fame. When Liam gets outed via sextape, his whole world collapses around him. In the midst of all the chaos, an unexpected lifeline appears in the form of a DM from Zayn: If you find yourself needing to escape, go here. Even though they haven’t talked in years, Liam is just desperate enough to go. He doesn’t expect to find himself on a farm in the middle of nowhere, face to face with a man he hasn’t seen in years, but who somehow looks more familiar to him than the face he sees when he looks in the mirror.

🦕 Live a Thousand Lifetimes by Layne Faire (HisDarlin) @laynefaire (E, 58k, Liam/Zayn, exes to lovers, future fix-it fic)

It’s 2025. After secretly writing and producing their first album in ten years, One Direction is weeks away from releasing their first new single and announcing a world tour. With the whirlwind about to begin again, Liam re-evaluates the last ten years - the fame, the money, the people who changed his life forever - and the person who walked away.

🦕 Crawling on Your Shores by juliusschmidt @juliusschmidt (E, 67k, Liam/Harry, strangers to lovers, small towns and aliens)

"You're a mechanic?" Liam nods. Harry gives him another long, appraising look. This time it lingers on his hands. "Your nails are clean." The tips of Liam's fingers tingle. "Got laid off a month ago." "Sorry to hear that." Harry smiles, soft and small. ~ Liam is searching for direction, purpose, connection, and, ultimately, himself. Harry is searching for aliens.

🦕 Influenced. by zita17, zmmf @louisandtheaquarian @zaynmaliksmiddlefinger (E, 353k+ WIP, Liam/Zayn, famous/not famous)

When Louis Tomlinson goes to bed on New Year's Eve, he is *not* prepared to wake up to a job offer that's layered in more NDAs than he's ever seen courtesy of ZAYN, A-list pop star and Louis’ best friend Liam's celebrity crush. But what is Louis even less prepared for? Zayn's Very! Enthusiastic! Influencer! boyfriend Harry Styles. When Harry Styles signs on to become Zayn’s fake boyfriend, he's expecting 12 months of good press and a generous paycheck to help launch his hair and skincare line—he wasn't expecting to fall in love at first sight with the man who'll apparently be following Zayn around All. The. Damn. Time. The Entire Year. A fake dating with a twist, famous/not-famous, enemies to friends to secret lovers au where Larry and Ziam fall in love behind the scenes while Zarry bicker in public.

Part 2 of my favorite Liam fics

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for threatening to get my best friend sectioned?

This actually happened 2 years ago, but last night he made a joke about it that kind of seemed like he might still be mad at me about it. So. Anyway, ages and all are written as they were at the time.

For context, my (18m) mom took guardianship of my friend (17m), called “J”, after his grandfather passed, a few months before this happened.

Not going into specifics, but J has struggled with OCD and an ED for years, and I suspect when he’s an adult he’ll probably get diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder at some point.

(Update from the Present: no dice… yet.)

A close family friend of his passed away and it caused his mental issues (particularly the ED) to get a lot worse really quickly.

Even thought my mom was technically his guardian, she kind of relied on me to keep tabs on him because he’s usually pretty honest with me compared to other people. Like, if he’s not doing well, I have the best chance of finding that out.

So. His family friend dies, he gets worse, I report all of this back to my mom, who starts trying to get some sort of more intensive treatment lined up for him (difficult and time consuming because of where we lived at the time).

My mom tells me not to tell J, because he “talks a big game” about not wanting treatment or whatever and she firmly believes it’ll be easier if he doesn’t have time to stress himself out about it before it happens. Okay. So I don’t tell J.

Somehow, he finds out anyway, and also finds out that I knew and had chosen not to tell him, but doesn’t tell me that he knows. (Convoluted, I know, sorry.)

I pick J up from an after school thing one night, we end up talking about pretty heavy shit in the car for a /long/ time, and after the conversation died, he put a hand on my shoulder, leaned over, and kissed me. And like not a short kiss either. It was like a 3 to 4 second kiss.

Context again, I realized I was gay and that I liked J in a not particularly friend-like way when I was 13. I never told him and never planned on telling him. I told him a lot of things but I intended on growing old and dying with that one kept nice and secret. Even if he was some form of not-straight, which I was 99.99% sure he wasn’t, I didn’t think it was worth jeopardizing my closest friendship with romantic and/or sexual feelings that could at best confuse him or make him uncomfortable or at worst outright disgust him.

Anyway. We don’t talk about it, I end up going to stay for a few days with a guy (20m but not really relevant) I’d been sort of seeing/sleeping with for a couple months because I literally couldn’t be in the same house as J or I would probably implode.

Fast forward a week, I’m picking J up from a hospital 2 towns over because he ran away (? unclear really, haven’t discussed the particulars w him and I wasn’t staying at home at the time) and ended up having to go to the ER.

In the car (best time to talk to someone because they can’t run away), he apologizes for kissing me. I’m thrown off by that, because he hadn’t said anything up to this point and it honestly wasn’t even in the top 5 things I was thinking about.

I asked him why he did it and he just sighed and explained in this tone of voice that, I don’t know how to explain it, but had just the right lack of empathy or affect that I knew he was being 110% honest.

Condensed version: he found out I was reporting everything he told me to my mom (still don’t know how). He was pissed. He was aware he needed more intensive treatment, and he knew my mom was aware. He did not want treatment. He knew I had liked him for years. He knew that I was relatively fragile about it. He knew that if he did something (like kiss me for example) there was a good chance it would break my brain and I would freak out.

He essentially kissed me to decommission me for a few days so he could formulate a plan to run away.

FINALLY we have arrived at the AITA part.

After hearing all this, I tried very hard to come up with something rational to say, but ended up saying (essentially), “You’re fucking insane, and I’m telling my mother you need to be committed.”

I know I wasn’t wrong to be angry. But I also know from past knowledge and experiences that he had a deep fear of being deemed “insane” or unfixable or whatever, and also that he was really afraid of treatment in general.

Idk. I go back and forth on whether or not I was out of line, or needlessly escalating the situation, by threatening him. It was a much bigger threat in his mind than it was in mine, and so even though I know I said it as a reaction to a fucked up situation, there’s still the idea that I blew it completely out of proportion and weaponized his own mental issues against him.

So AITA for threatening my best friend by telling him I was going to get him committed to a long term psychiatric hospital?

What are these acronyms?

[sunflowervoltwentyeight]

Happy 28th! Here is my February 2024 fic rec, organized by word count, from longest to shortest. You can view my other fic recs here. Enjoy!

Remember Me Fondly by kiddle / @bluejeanlouis (73k)

“You’ve told the beginning of the story so many times. I want to hear the end.”Louis laughed, scratching at his chin. “I can’t say I really know when the end happened.”“How about the tour of ninety-five?”“Alright.” Louis took a deep breath. “But it took a few steps to get there. What would you like to know?”Penny cleared her throat.“How did you first meet Harry Styles?” Grunge legends Fearless Doe topped the rock charts in the ‘90s, but they spent the decade kicking Smudge off their heels. From lawsuits to jaw-dropping scandals and a surprising joint world tour, the two bands share a complicated history.

Twenty-five years later, frontmen Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are finally ready to sit down and tell the world their two sides of the same story.

Truth may vary.

I Would Know You From Touch Alone by staybeautiful / @harruandlou (72k)

They had never been face to face before now. They’d never touched, skin to skin, until Harry landed a punch to his face, high on his cheekbone.

Louis shoved him off and was pulling his fist back from Harry’s abdomen before he realized his face wasn’t tingling because of the pain.

It pooled out from his cheek, over his face, down his neck and spine. A shiver in the late September night. Heat, sparks - whatever you wanted to fucking call it.

or The Tomlinson and Cox gangs have hated each other for over forty years. Harry Styles, the grandson of Gritty Cox, was freshly back to the city after uni when, on his first night out, he punched the Tomlinson heir in the face. It shouldn’t have mattered, their gangs have done worse to each other. But all it took was one single touch to recognize your soulmate. Louis was adamant that being soulmates changed nothing, not who they were or which family they were loyal to. Or, at least, it shouldn’t have.

A Yuzu Grows in Brooklyn by stylinsoncity / @aliensingucci (66k)

Harry is a recent implant in new york and a young chef opening a restaurant called yuzu. louis, a music teacher and broadway lover, has been around the block for a while. in a city that's so fast-paced, they're slow to catch on to each other.

Ferricadooza! by suspendrs / @suspendrs (65k)

Harry can’t even fathom the idea of surrendering; he’d fight ‘til he died, if he had to, anything to keep from surrendering.

Or, the year is 1963, homosexuality is illegal in the UK, Louis owns a gay bar, and Harry’s an underground boxing champion with an unfortunate enemy.

The Recklessness in Water by LarryOn (50k)

Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He's stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren't bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.

Passing By by Larry_you_know / @larryyouknow (48k)

Sometimes, people are in each other's lives just for the briefest of moments. They meet and then go their separate ways because being vulnerable is scary and it might be easier to not let anybody else in. But some people aren’t meant to be just passing by. Maybe when they open their eyes, they can learn things about themselves they haven’t known before. If they let their hearts speak they will find a way to be together.

Or the one where Harry doesn't even know he's into guys until he meets Louis on a boat trip. There's something more to their friendship but it ain't gonna be smooth sailing.

Rivers 'Til i Reach You by embodied (29k)

Louis can’t begin to understand how he’s always this close and still can’t manage to make Harry his. He stands up and gets another beer.   AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).

You Promised Forever by indierection (amandamoraisa) (21k)

[Harry wants a baby. Louis wanted a baby. Now he's not so sure.]

Of course they've always wanted to have kids, even as young as they were in 2012. But it's only ten years later, when they've been married for already three and One Direction is no longer together, that Harry and Louis will finally get to start their own family. Or at least that's what they thought, because Louis suddenly feels the pressure of fatherhood on his shoulders as he realizes he has to be responsible for another human being; and if that's not terrifying he doesn't know what it is. He is, in fact, having these sudden panic attacks when he thinks too much about the future. Yet, Louis just sucks it up because he's losing his mind, but Harry has already to much on his. Besides, in the end they are fireproof. Aren't they?

The Sunshine Stays by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird (15k)

It's three years after One Direction got back together, and Harry and Louis have just come off a world tour. They're enjoying a much more relaxed schedule the second time around, allowing themselves to bask in married life. Until, one day, Louis surprises Harry on vacation, and there are some surprising consequences.

[fantasiummaximum]

I like Fontryan like anyone else but we are sleeping on how gay Ryan is for Bill McDonough.

In the game it’s mostly just Bill mentioning Ryan and Ryan never mentioning him at all, in the end he even kills Bill on his wall of traitors and assassins. Seeing that, I personally assumed Bill’s & Ryan’s friendship meant a lot more to Bill than it did Ryan.

But in the novel…you see a lot more of their relationship and how…fucking gay it is. If you haven’t read it, please PLEASE DO BECAUSE BIOSHOCK: RAPTURE BY JOHN SHIRLY THOUGH NOT ACCURATE AT TIMES IS STILL AMAZING! SPOILERS AHEAD!

Anyways, Ryan is head over heels in love with Bill lmao-

He sees Bill as he sees himself, a hardworking man trying to strive in this crazy unfair world, legit when they first met, Ryan is all up in Bill’s business and is immediately smitten by him, why? Because Bill is down to earth and is a sensible, honest, hardworking man, he legit had the choice to make Ryan pay a lot more then he did but Bill shared Ryan’s sentiment in a way as he wants to be paid fairly for the work he did and Ryan wants Bill around as I said, he sees Bill as the man we he wants and many others to be.

In the book, Ryan very much likes and even loves Bill’s company, at one point he’s at a party and describes how much of a boredom it is and how he wishes Bill was there, maybe even mentioning his laugh? Either way he says in the book he wants Bill’s presence.

THERE IS MORE EVEN IF ITS TINY! But that requires so much more context that the book provides so if you want more additional Bioshock content, please I recommend the book!

What I’m trying to say is that Bill is Ryan’s awakening if you will.

[nayatarot777]

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pile three •🍍

• pile one • 🍎

this is definitely someone who could be a coworker or someone who you have to work on a creative project with - or you could just both be doing the same thing as each other in the same space. this could also be a classmate if you’re in education. someone who you study with in particular. this may even be someone who you supposedly have a connection with (like a friendship, maybe even a relationship unfortunately), however this person has some type of envy towards your money, your materialism, and/or the work that you do. and i don’t believe that you see this because you’re so focused on your money or the quality of your work. they could talk shit about your ideas - especially anything creative that you propose to a group of people - because i feel like your ideas help to teach other people very valuable methods, skills, or viewpoints, to use and this person seems to be so bothered by the way that a lot of people learn from you. you could be the best out of a group or workplace full of people regarding something. they could also talk shit about your relationship if you’re currently in one. i’m seeing a specific message for someone: if you’re gay (a gay man specifically) and you’re in a gay relationship, this person talks mad shit about that. or if you date someone of a different race or ethnicity to you. just if there’s any major difference between you and your partner, or if your relationship is seen as unconventional in some way. this person could ironically be very quiet (silent or mute even) within whatever community you’re a part of, and very introverted too. this person may usually enjoy being in isolation mode or they have been recently. this next message is actually quite fucked up. if you struggle with mental health issues, then this person talks about that as if you’re just keeping yourself in victim mode - as if what you’re going through isn’t actually real. this person is ignorant as fuck. for a lot of you, they don’t like the fact that you’re gay, they don’t like you dating outside of your race/culture, they feel like you’re doing this mental damage to yourself because their ignorant ass doesn’t understand mental health issues (their own issues nor other people’s, clearly 🙃). and for some of you this person talks shit about how much effort you put into your relationship or friendship with someone. if you’re the one who is usually alone and introverted, this person talks mad shit about this specifically. it might be because they feel like you don’t want to be around them in particular, whether that’s actually the case or not. overall, all of this boils down to them hating the fact that you’ve discovered who you actually are in some way, as well as a skill that you’re highly capable of. i’m seeing a message that this person feels as though they’ve tried to mend the connection that they have with you, but it seems like they haven’t been successful. so this could be someone who you once had a friendship, relationship, or family relationship with that was damaged due to something. and it was most likely due to some bullshit that was said, a backstabbing that this person put you through already (talking mad shit like they are now), or just something said that was extremely painful. if this person feels like you’re being made aware of their shit-talking, then they’re bringing this to a finish. but the amount that they’ve talked shit about is a lot. a lot. this person doesn’t know how to shut tf up and just address issues with you directly. you may feel like it’s impossible to have a successful relationship with this person yourself - and you’re right.

• pile two • 🍉

for some of you in particular, this could be someone who you’ve gotten into a physical fight with before. or perhaps this person has physically attacked you before. this person could be your father or a water sign masculine. this is someone who pretends to have love and care for you but they actually have very sinister reasons for wanting to be connected to you. i’m hearing that this could also be someone who you cussed out, for some of you 😂. this person is talking shit about some type of good luck or good change that you have. this person could have a habit of viewing you as someone who just gets whatever they want or someone who’s ‘spoilt’. because i’m seeing that they’re really mad about any blessings that you have in your life - or any blessings that you experienced receiving in the past. and there’s a lot of anger coming from this person towards all that’s good that is happening in your life. they’re so fucking salty. i’m also seeing them complain about how you’ve ‘switched up’ on them. this is sounding like a deadbeat parent (for a lot of you) that you finally got rid of to build a positive life for yourself. but of course this could be a different person for others of you. this is definitely someone who you’ve put up boundaries with. i’m seeing that they know that you’ve closed out this chapter of your life that involves them - for good. they know that they can’t get back in. and they’re talking shit about the fact that people are generous or kind to you in some way. especially if anyone has helped you out with your finances, or your material or practical life. this is someone who’s always looking for handouts and who’s always looking for things to be given to them (like money) which is probably why they project what they know about themselves onto you. by calling you spoilt or acting like you don’t deserve any help that you get. this person is also someone who pushes everyone away from them due to their angry or harsh demeanour. they’re always in a bad mood and always have something to get riled up about. this is someone who doesn’t help anyone completely out of the kindness of their own heart. or, for some of you, this could be someone who you continue to reject help from sue to knowing about some type of strings attached that comes with this ‘help’. this person is someone who pretends to be friendly and helpful to you, though. they show their face as a friend when they’re really a foe. i’m seeing that they could be trying to learn how to get onto your good side, especially if there’s any conflict that has happened between the both of you before.

• pile three • 🍍

this could be a romantic interest, a twin, a gemini, a mystic (like a tarot reader or practitioner), or someone who’s usually very overwhelmed. you’ve shown a lot of genuine love to this person and that’s the worst thing about this. this person may not be someone who you see often, due to there being some type of unattainable nature to this person - like you can’t actually catch them in person when you’d like to/need to. this could also be someone who prefers to be quiet. regardless, this person is someone who seems to constantly be stuck and caught up in multiple connections with others (whether these are sexual, romantic, friendship connections). and this may be someone who constantly chooses the worst partners or best friends or just the worst close circle for themselves to have. i get the vibe that this is someone who’s extremely attracted to toxicity and non-stable people and situations - although they cry about having too many people to deal with or too much drama with other people 🙄. this person is straight up spreading lies about you. this person is actually intimidated as fuck by you, but they want to see if they can get away with saying some shit behind your back that really isn’t true. and i’m seeing this person hurling verbal bullshit your way behind your back. i hate people like this. people who have so much courage to talk shit and lie behind your back but they wouldn’t dare say any of their bs directly to you smh. they’re talking shit about how you’ve released some fears or anxieties around speaking up for yourself. you seem to be a manifestor who can create the life that you want. and they could be talking shit because you released them and their gossip + drama in order to focus on materialising your wishes and desires for yourself. they’re mad that you didn’t want to stay stuck in the same place as them. this person could also be talking shit about your friends - especially if this is an ex-friend who sees that you have a much better connection and much happier times with others. this person is actually very fearful towards you. towards a lot of power that you hold. especially if you’re a mystic or a witch yourself? and this person has seen you read energy or manipulate energy to manifest things for yourself in the past. that’s probably the biggest reason why they’re afraid of you. yet they talk shit about your power to try to trick themselves into not being afraid of you. doesn’t seem to be working much though.

[chaifootsteps]

Okay sorry I was talking with my mother

1) I hate sir Pentious’s new character. Sure, he’s fun. But oh my gosh, I miss his old character. The way that’s he’s not at all remorseful and just purely wants destruction  and to rule over the pentagram city. But now he’s too goody goody(I haven’t seen the new episode, pls don’t spoil it), and turned WAYYYY to easily over to Charlie’s anti-Christ ass, and wanting to be redeemed. He should have stayed a spy for longer and I would’ve loved to see his dynamic grow with the Vees(especially Vox) and how he worked for them as a spy. His rape scene wasp so uncomfortable and unnecessary, and speaking of that his and cherris relationship should of never of even been thought about. It’s such an awkward thing, as they’re rivals and Cherri has destroyed things that he’s made and insults him.

2) speaking of Cherri, she offered Angel drugs(which seems like it’s a normal thing for them as she’s so causal about it) when she knew he was there at the hotel that’s for redemption, but also she was so rude to Angel when he was trying to get Nifty out of the cleaning closet??? She’s a much better friend in the pilot and in the addict music video. She’s showing actual friendship and concern for Angel, nothing like she does now.

3) Alastor. Sure, I like his moments, but he’s so painfully edgy it’s not that good. His radio sound effects are good, I miss the old effects that he had in the pilot and his old voice actor, but of course viv is a “it’s my way or the high-way” gal and she dumped all of the previous cast. He’s nearly completely different now, claiming that Charlie is like his daughter(I swear to god he better be manipulative to her in that moment), when in the pilot he openly mocked her and what she was trying to do. He seems way to open about his emotions and wanting r help Charlie, using a TV(???) and playing along when what she wants to do. He also seems to much like an attention whore, which could be a good character trait if he wasn’t the way he is now. Also he’s too touchy touchy with everyone, especially Charlie.

4) Angel dust is not as interesting now as he was to me in the pilot. Now he’s just a porn star who gets raped and abused and is going to be redeemed. I’d love to see his old character traits(from before the pilot and during, such as mafia, insane, violent, ect), rather than just “oh he’s a gay sex spider who sometimes does violence but he’s such a good person now for finding love and refusing drugs!!!! :3”.

5) Husk’s new voice. I see the appeal of his new one, but his old voice actor just hit different. Make that skinny 1970s gambler man sound like he smokes 5 packs a day. Also I can’t stop thinking about the cat from Coraline.

6) almost everything about vaggie. Her design, her actions, and her backstory. It’s cool that she’s a fallen Angel but oh my gosh!! Don’t reveal that in the first season!! Slow burn that shit!! And why did she do quickly realize that he’s murdering ‘innocent souls’?? They’re in hell for a reason, she didn’t have to think that just because it was a kid it was innocent of any crimes it did. They revealed it too soon, it would have been a good twist for season 2.

7) vivziepop seemingly mocks Christianity and I had to look up how Saint Peter looked like, AND SHE WHITE-WASHED HIM SO BAD. HE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE HE SHOULD, AND HES SUCH A COMPLEX PEROSN FROM THE BIBLE AND AND SHORTENED HIS CHARACTER SO BADLY.

Anyways, my TED talk is over. Thank you

Thanks for your TED Talk, Anon. It was an excellent talk.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  dartlekey! @dartlekey has 11 fics in the Stranger Things Fandom and 9 of them are in the Steddie tag!.

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @dartlekey:

If you were church (I'd get on my knees)

RUSH! (T4T REMIX)

At a medium pace

With great power

"I read the "with great power" series not long after I got into the Steddie fandom and was instantly like "I need to raid this author's other fics" and subscribed to them. No regrets for that choice!!" -- Anonymous

Below the cut, @dartlekey answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

For me, Steddie hits that sweet spot of strong characterization but woefully underexplored details, both for the individual characters but also their dynamic with each other in canon. That makes their relationship the ideal writer's sandbox - since they're both so fluid, you can explore the characters through each other, showcasing many different and even conflicting facets of each other while still retaining their original characters and behaviors. Either of them can be rich or poor, famous or an everyguy, Gay or Bisexual, Dom or Sub, Top or Bottom, Trans in any direction - the details are up to you! 

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love a good slowburn friends-to-lovers fic. It needs to be a specific kind for me though - I'm not much one for prolonged pining, but I love it when the friendship is explored in such depth that the next step feels like an inevitability. Watching that deep platonic affection turn not-so-platonic, that's the good shit. 

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

My specialty as a writer, I think, is crack treated seriously, or crack with a twist. Usually the first question that sparks one of my fics is “If X happened, would that be hilarious or what?” and then the second is “But if it was because of Y, would that be fucked up or what?” I think you can see it best in If you were church I'd get on my knees (what if Steve was a stripper at Eddie's stag party BUT it was actually a social commentary on queerness and sexuality in the face of religious oppression), but it's in At a medium pace too (what if Eddie couldn't move his arms because of injury so Steve “has” to jerk him off, but it's actually about how growing up queer can warp your perspective on healthy sexuality) , or even in Don't look back (What if Eddie had to dom Steve for plot reasons, but it's all body horror and trauma and spiraling codependency). 

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

I don’t think I could name one all-time favorite, because what I enjoy most about fanfic is that different writers bring different character interpretations, storytelling styles and plot ideas to the table, which I find incomparable. I have enjoyed many of the well-known classics, of course (pukner I owe you my life--), but let me use this chance to give a shout-out to some less well-known masterpieces! My top three underrated fics are Three Days on the Red Planet by CaptainHoney/@grandmastattoo on tumblr (retro scifi, gritty but humorous hopepunk, every single fic of theirs is a certified banger but I love this one the most for some reason!!), Love dirty men alike by wrenowich (chef au, an ode to kitchen culture in all its griminess, I love a detailed backstory plus Steddie being wonderfully weird about each other), and That’s just wasteland, baby! by fastcardotmp3 (post-s4 apocalypse survival, sweet and aching and tired and yet hopeful, made me cry in the best way). 

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

One that's pretty unique to the steddie fandom, or perhaps general stranger things fandom, is “if canon event x had happened differently/hadn't happened at all/had happened to a different person, how would the rest of canon change?” I still need to work out a lot of details in my head, so that's all I'll say for now, but it's something I'm very interested in exploring.

What is your writing process like?

Much to the horror of fic writers everywhere, I don't do first drafts, I just write out everything in detail, scene by scene in chronological order. I edit as I go, and consider the many-numbered, often unplanned writing breaks an important part of my process - when I let the written portion sit for a while and the unwritten ideas percolate in my brain for a bit, I often end up with new plot points or solutions for problems I've been having! And when that inspiration strikes, I can write anywhere - on the train, during lunch break at work, in the vegetable aisle of the grocery store… I have gdocs on my phone and I use it liberally; I'd say I write at least 80% of any given fic on my phone. 

Do you have any writing quirks?

Apart from the hot mess I just described, I'd say it's that I never use Beta readers. I'll occasionally ask friends to help with specific details if I need an expert on certain subject matter, but I've found I get very grumpy and fussy if someone pokes at my plot (even if or rather especially if they’re right lol), and I don't want to subject anyone to that. 

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

For oneshots or series comprised of single-chapter fics I like posting as soon as I'm done, but for multi-chapter works I've recently found that starting to post only after I've finished most (if not all) chapters beforehand improves the quality of the story! Since I tend to integrate new ideas or shift around plot points a lot while writing, I often end up in completely different places than my original concept, so if an early chapter isn't posted yet I can retroactively edit it to add foreshadowing or tone-match the end of the work, remove loose threads and suchlike. Don't look back is a good example of how this has worked out for me; comparatively It don't bite (Yes it do) - which I wrote and posted chapter by chapter - is tonally all over the place. 

Which fic are you most proud of?

Naturally I love all my babies, but I consider Don't look back my magnum opus - both because it is the longest fic I've ever written (13 chapters and 90.000 words in total, that's practically a novel!) and because it's the most plot-rich, labor-intensive, and overall serious in tone. I even worked in subplots about the rest of the cast, so it almost reads like its own season. I wrote it for last year's Steddie Bigbang, which means there's also a gorgeous accompanying artwork by @the-chilly-kat. 

How did you get the idea for With great power?

At the time I'd seen a few marvel AUs floating past me on the tumblr timeline, usually with Steve as Spiderman and Eddie as the human component of Venom, and having just recently seen the Venom movie depicting the rich relationship between Eddie Brock and the symbiote, it surprised me that most left the symbiote as its own character, and not substituted one of the ST main cast. The symbiotic relationship of Stobin immediately came to mind, though I also still loved the idea of Steve as Spidey - then I remembered that in the Toby McGuire movies, the two are not mutually exclusive, and it all spiraled from there. Eddie as Deadpool just made sense - immortal wild-card with a dubious moral code but a heart of gold? Obviously! Plus Spideypool is, of course, a classic ship. 

When writing With great power, what was something you didn’t expect?

I actually got several curious comments about the sex toy Steve uses in Because the night - a grindable or grinder, which is a flat-ish silicone structure, usually ribbed in an interesting way, that one can grind against to get off (as the name suggests). I thought it was pretty common, but apparently it's not very well known!

What inspired  RUSH! (T4T REMIX)?

Oh, it's my time to gush! Because the idea for the first work actually came about from a late night conversation I had with the beautiful, amazing, wonderful @maikaartwork, back when we were, how should I say, in the courting stage? Seeing as we met through the Steddie fandom, I decided to write Baby Said basically to seduce them - and I am happy to say it worked, as we've been dating for over eight months now and are planning to move in together next year! Both works from RUSH! - T4T REMIX (and the secret new WIP, shh) are thus somewhat inspired by our conversations and our t4t relationship, but also by the many interesting and different trans people I've met over the years, and trans solidarity and relationships in general.

What was your favorite part to write from At a medium pace?

The small-talk in between position changes - no, really! I love a mindless marathon-fuck story as much as the next person, but there's something very sweet and intimate about those little breaks in sex, the pass the lube, move your leg a bit, what's for dinner later of it all. That's where you see that emotional connection - there's no admission of crushes or big love confessions in this fic because it's right there in the details.

How do/did you feel writing RUSH! (T4T REMIX)?

Honestly, it's just really really fun and self-indulgent. The Steddie dynamic in it is so bitchy, all the bickering makes me laugh even as I'm writing it. It's also just really fun to write about the trans experience in a way that is curious and loving, and reflects all the very different and yet similar ways people experience living in a body that defies expectation. I've loved all my fellow trans people sounding off in the comments about their own transition experiences, it's wonderful to have such a fantastic community!

What was the most difficult part of writing If you were church (I'd get on my knees)?

Curiously enough, not the many religious trauma bits! Much like Eddie in the fic, I'm only church-freak adjacent - I grew up in a non-religious household but with extended family that were extremely catholic, so the odd juxtaposition of being occasionally close to but definitely not involved in what is pretty much cult behavior inspired much of this fic. The most functionally difficult part to write was actually the wedding - as an aro-spec & trans relationship anarchist, church weddings have never been relevant to me, so I had very little idea what actually goes into one! Very little of the research I conducted on the topic actually made it into the fic, but hey, the more you know. 

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

People keep asking me that, and I never know what to answer! If I had to pick one, though, maybe the last few paragraphs of Don't look back - where you can see the tragedy coming, but there's no way of stopping it, because it was always going to end this way. And then Eddie's last words before the end of the fic call back to the title as well as the general theme of the fic - it just all comes together for such a crescendo of an ending. 

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Yes, actually! Coming soon in the SteddieBang'24, me and my lovely artist @hawkinsleather have been working hard on a 20k post-s4 fic called A glimpse of your canvas, which is about closeted transfemme!Eddie, women's solidarity, and Steve's very confusing no-good trip to the gay bar. Both With great power and RUSH! (T4T REMIX) have another WIP pending which I'll eventually finish (I promise, I'm just easily distracted!!), and for those who are still mad about Don't look back’s open ending, I'm almost done with the sequel, which features a lot of bad decisions by all characters involved, the healing power of community, and a bit of accidental child acquisition. 

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Given the chance of this platform, I would like to notify my readers that I'm a terrible procrastinator when it comes to replying to comments, but I read and cherish every one of them - and repeat commenters, I see you, I love you, I am chewing on your arm like a dog with a bone!! I would also like to thank the steddie fandom in general for giving me the hottest partner known to man or God, and for the many friendships I've been so fortunate to build here. Talk about transformative works, am I right? <3 

Thank you to our author, @dartlekey, and our anonymous nominator! See more of dartlekey's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[wellofdean]

Today’s debate going on in your asks is really making me feel validated. I have always read Dean as bisexual, even the very first time I watched the show in 2011? 12? It was so important to me as a, at that time, closeted bisexual myself. Because as you said, bisexuals can “play it straight.” We often need to so that we’re not attacked by straights and the LGBT+ community alike for “pretending” to “actually” swing one way or the other. Dean, of course, felt attacked by a completely different community, the straight, heavily macho hunter community, but both the text and subtext was clearly there.

Coming from a family that does not accept queerness of any kind, I completely identified with Dean and his, as Sam called out, over-compensating, his overwhelming demonstration of masculinity, his softness with children and women who did not display matching overwhelming femininity, his blustering when teased about such things. Dean also had to constantly defend himself in other respects. In his here-and-there school days, for example, he fought with others about how his dad was a hero, how he wasn’t a freak. Additionally, Sam was and always would be his first priority. His happiness and personal feelings were never not on the back burner. Sam came first. The mission came second. The victims third. His own health and wellness was so buried on the ladder of priorities it may as well have been the unnoticed rusty nail on a random rung.

All of which coincides with my high school experience. School came first. Then my part-time job. Then building friendships and pursuing that teenage “normalcy.” Then maintaining/appeasing family… Who cared about my personal inclinations? I certainly didn’t haven’t time to. Besides, that’s what your twenties are for, when you have the time, freedom, and maturity to explore while making smart, cautious choices while entering new communities and relationships.

Dean, however, didn’t have that time, freedom, or maturity. Yes, he grew up too hard too fast, but in a way that skipped over the development of interpersonal skills. He went straight from 5 to 45 under the ever-present, threatening and abusive command of his homophobic father. There was no other possible outcome for him other than a deeply closeted bisexual. And it’s always present, in his flirting with cops like the “Blue Steel” mugshot, in his dynamic with Victor Henriksen, in his flirting for Charlie, in his “gay thing” with Aaron (was that his name? It’s been a while).

Jensen plays Dean so, so well with so much depth and understanding and nuance. And at this point, the fandom at large just frustrates me (rather than infuriates as it did ten years ago when I was far more invested) in its denial and/or debate regarding his bisexuality because to me it’s perfectly clear.

Thanks for this ask, and from one invisible bisexual to another, I feel you. The story means a lot to me, too, and for similar reasons. I really relate to Dean in a lot of ways, and it makes me so sad when people say it's queerbaiting and homophobic, because I think not understanding your own heart, living for years outside of your own truth, and not getting over your bullshit until it's too late and having to live with the grief of that are quintessential bi experiences for A LOT of people. Dean makes me feel seen, and I wish such huge swathes of the fandom would just...watch it again and see that it's deeply queer -- it's just not the story they told themselves in their own heads.

[davilasinfiltro]

Badboyhalo gets advice from Reddit

Bad panics after Skeppy releases Best Friend and decides to ask for relationship advice on Reddit because he doesn’t know who else to turn to

979 words

r/relationship_advice u/throwaway132166922

My (M29) best friend (M23) made a song about me and I don’t know how to feel about it.

I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I’m so paranoid about anyone finding out who I am but I frequent this subreddit a lot and can't find anyone who is in the same situation as me. I also don’t know who I can even talk to about this since we have a lot of mutual friends. If this gets too much traction I’m deleting it quickly, here goes nothing >_<

Here’s the context, me and my friend have known each other online for a while and have been friends for around 4 years (my friends poke fun that we have our ‘anniversary’ memorized but I digress.) We’ve half heartedly been making plans to meetup for the past few years. What can I say? I don’t like leaving the house and never really had the urge to meet any of my online friends. I’d argue that you could have a meaningful relationship with someone and never meet them irl. Anyways, I never took these conversations too seriously. I would always say I’m not ready yet, it’s too close to the holidays, who’s going to take care of my dog? The one time we did have concrete plans I was sick with covid and I had a long recovery. And we just never followed up with a reschedule.

I never knew how much this affected my friend until he wrote this sort of… rap and produced it with one of our mutual friends. He insults me, saying I have a massive ego, I’m a psycho, it’s my fault I made him ‘feel blue,’ and immediately backtracks and compliments me. There’s another lyric that says I’m pushing him away and if I’m hiding something? This part I have to quote verbatim because it’s the part I understand the least,

“I can’t really say my true intentions

It’s all just miscommunication

Please don’t take it the wrong way

I love you dude and I hope we’re okay”

And that’s how it ends. Meanwhile, I had no clue my friend was having this type of conflicting feelings about me. Or how much us meeting up meant to him. Yeah maybe we’d go from talking every day to messaging each other only semi frequently but that’s just the evolution of a friendship right? We were both getting busier as our respective careers became more time-consuming but that’s nobody’s fault, is it? I know I should apologize to him for never taking his requests for us to meetup too seriously but I think there’s something else under the surface.

Does he want to confess to me? I keep going back to that lyric, “I can’t really say my true intentions.” He’s pretty much ripped his heart out on this song but there’s /one/ thing he can’t say to me? Does it have to do with him wanting to preserve our friendship, that it’ll be strained in some way if he confesses? I don’t know what gives him that impression, a lot of our friends are lgbt+. Heck, a lot of them make jokes that we like each other already. Anyways, there shouldn’t be anything deterring him from confessing if that’s what he is trying to do. Or not trying to do.

Any advice is appreciated. I still haven’t said anything to him directly since he made that song.

u/amycat1203

Whatever you two have going on is gayer than any gay person I know irl

-> Reply u/throwaway132166922

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that -_-

u/justadudelmao

This is too outrageous to be fake, so I’m trying to take this seriously. It sounds like y’all have some shit to talk out in person. If the next message you send him isn’t a confirmation for a plane ticket you’re the problem

-> Reply u/throwaway132166922

If I travel to him it won’t be by plane, I have a phobia. But you’re right :/ I need to make it up to him soon if this is how he feels about us not meeting up

u/matchmakingismypassion

Maybe he has reason to believe you wouldn’t want him to confess to you. How do you react to the jokes your friends make about you together? Do you even reciprocate any possible romantic feelings to him?

->Reply u/throwaway132166922

It’s complicated, early on in our friendship he’d flirt with me as a troll and I’d always politely turn him down. I’ve known about him for so long, even before he was 18. I wasn’t comfortable indulging in this kind of joke. So even if he was 19 when he made these comments, he felt too young for me. He grew out of it and eventually we were inseparable as best friends, to the point that our mutual friends would tease us. Both of us would casually deny anything to our friends but honestly, I wouldn’t mind dating him if he made the first move. But you understand why I can’t make the first move, right?

->Reply u/matchmakingismypassion

To me it sounds like he shouldn’t make the first move either if all he’s ever heard from you is rejection. Especially if you can’t even make the effort to meetup, something he obviously wants from you. He made the song as a plea to start an open dialogue, and that starts with you bud.

u/skephalofan141414

EVERYONE. THIS STORY IS FAKE. This is some guy pretending to be Badboyhalo about the song Skeppy made called “Best Friend” on youtube. You’re a weirdo trying to karma farm off of a story that isn’t yours to tell

->Reply u/thisteaishotaf

Who??? Link please???

->Reply u/skephalofan141414

https://youtu.be/skDch34PtEM?si=Usxbm6LXisq9xWCD

->Reply u/thisteaishotaf

Why the fuck would his friend post this on a minecraft channel LMAO

[ari-but-unhinged]

Art for Toritsuka/Hairo fic where I explored what was meant to be a crack ship and is now one of my favourite (??) ships in Saiki k- PLEASE HEAR ME OUT

(A long rant ensues so, if you don’t want that then that’s all good and you don’t have to click, but if you’re interested, then welcome to my rant about a rare pair i love!)

Of course, I started out by simply laughing at the “I hate men” line Toritsuka said about Hairo and thinking writing a crack taken seriously fic would be funny and it would be a nice break before I started this other fic I have planned that is going to be an even bigger endeavour with Saiki k x Danganronpa. What I didn’t see happening was for this Torihai fic to completely take over my brain space and end up with a fic just shy of 20,000 words.

This may not seem like a lot, but I usually only write fics in 1,000-2,000s so this is a lot for me, especially since I’m a slow writer/editor so it takes me a while.

Part of the reason I love these two together is because of the inherent dynamic of Hairo’s inspirational preachiness and how it doesn’t work on Toritsuka, and how it might be refreshing for Hairo to have someone who challenges him (and not in the fake way Teruhashi does, with Toritsuka being very upfront and honest about it). Toritsuka also, because he’s so upfront about his feelings, helps Hairo to express certain emotions like annoyance/sadness that he wouldn’t normally express outwardly. Something else too is that Toritsuka tends to be very physically affectionate, and I don’t know that Hairo is used to that (I haven’t seen any examples of him being physically affectionate in any other way than a bro way) so that could be refreshing as well. Also, also, Toritsuka is Hairo’s gym buddy who was reluctantly dragged along that day Saiki was trying to avoid everyone and no one can change my mind lol (this, in Hairo’s mind, forms a bond between them that can never be broken and he will never stop reminding Toritsuka of this when they hang out).

I just think their dynamic can be playful/fun because they’re both real with each other if that makes sense?

On Toritsuka’s side of things, he doesn’t have a lot of friends and the friends he does have he either doesn’t have any chemistry with or hate him (Saiki lol), so I think it’d be nice for him to have someone who is extremely caring/attentive to his friends and clearly cares deeply about them and shows it often. Because of this, Hairo shows interest in Toritsuka’s life, and for someone who probably hasn’t had many friends, that would mean a lot. Also the fact that Hairo cares so much for Toritsuka sets an example as to how to be a good friend/human would behave and could help him grow as a person (which are always the best friendships/relationships when they grow together rather than staying stagnant and dragging each other down). Being more caring of others and allow him to develop his interpersonal relationships with more than just ghosts, instead with real humans.

Also, I’ve taken to calling them the “errand boys” because it’s a great prompt to force two people who are polar opposites and would never interact to hang out/do an activity together, so I thought it fit them perfectly.

In the fic I changed a few things from canon (sexualities obviously- Tori is bi/queer and Hairo is gay. Although quick side-tangent- I’ve written Tori/Kaidou, Tori/Akechi, and now Tori/Hairo and all three of them either are Asexual or are often headcanonned as ace by the community/me and I just find it very funny that the horniest character is continuously shipped with them. I only realized I did this after I first started writing the fic.)

- Hairo explicitly has psychic powers (it’s something they can bond over and it’s something that plays off of Hairo’s emotions. Cue a lot of blushing not only because of embarrassment but also actual literal heat rushing to his face.)

- Hairo was raised by a single parent (His family is never mentioned so I just made one up)

- Personal headcanon, but I feel like Toritsuka might occasionally pretend to not see spirits in order to avoid getting approached.

- Toritsuka’s backstory has been slightly altered and has a lot more angst to an already pretty sad backstory (it’s played for laughs, but imagine how that would’ve felt for him :( he realized he lost two people he loved in a matter of minutes. Also, he’s a child when this happens so that’s even sadder. I honestly wonder if they died somewhere in the house or he was just there and his guardians didn’t know, like??? How???)

If this made you interested in reading the fic which this is all about, I’ll link it at the end, but if you were just here for the rant, that’s cool too! I’m obsessed with these two because they’re adorable and I must spread the gospel of Torihai.

Link to original fic-

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i incorporate an old friend’s oc into my oc’s backstory?

hi!! this is a more lighthearted AITA- i’m basically just gauging proper oc etiquette bc i have no clue if this would be rude.

i (18X) am a d&d player. have been for a long time! i started at 13, with a huge group of my friends. we didn’t get to play much bc there were so many of us, but it was a blast and i ended up loving my character, natphi (a classic tiefling bard) so much that she eventually became a standalone oc for me.

in-game, natphi entered the party alongside her friend, luca (a half-elf ranger), who was played by another one of my friends (18 or 19 X now, 13 at the time). we were baby gays, and natphi and luca had a really fun sort of will-they-or-won’t-they wlw best-friendship. it was a great dynamic, and we both loved drawing them together and discussing them and even rping how they first met over discord. it was a blast, and eventually natphi’s friendship with and pining over luca became an important part of her story and character to me.

however, by this point luca’s player and i were going to different schools and had dropped several friends in that group due to standard teen drama, so it was hard to keep in touch. we stopped talking a couple of years ago with no hard feelings- just a classic drifting apart over time.

natphi is still one of my most beloved ocs (we’ve been through a lot together) and i still daydream about her friendship and such with luca. it gets difficult when i want to draw her in any meaningful way, though. luca isn’t my character, and if i drew her and posted it i would absolutely link back to her creator’s instagram, but it feels really odd to make and post art of the oc of someone you don’t talk to anymore. i can’t go and ask them if they mind, because once again, we haven’t spoken in years.

i’ve been chewing on this dilemma for a bit, but an idea came to me as i started preparing to make natphi a character sheet for a oneshot i’m doing soon: i could make natphi’s relationship with luca a part of her backstory and come up with some tragic separation of them. it would work great with natphi’s current backstory and deepen her character motivations, so there’s no problems there. however, i still feel really iffy using a now-stranger’s character with mine, even if i were to only refer to luca as more of a vague ghost than a full character. part of me feels like i’m “copying” her and just changing bits and pieces so she doesn’t look exactly the same. technically, nobody would actually be able to tell unless i told them, but i’d still feel like an ass for doing it if it’s “cheating,” for lack of a better word. however, i also know i’m a chronic overthinker, so i’m asking all of you instead: would i be TA for this??? i genuinely have no idea. thanks in advance for the input! ^^

What are these acronyms?

[anauro]

textbooks and blowjobs? 👀

Hi nonnie 🖤

Story as above but a different snippet for you 🔥

Regulus moaned into the long-desired Barty’s touch, as he, equally eager, ran his palm down Barty’s length, pressing hard against his girth. Barty undressed him first, but Regulus wasn’t far behind –he just wanted to tease Barty as much as he could in the process.

So far they haven’t broken the kiss, but the moment Barty wrapped his hand around Regulus, he jerked back abruptly with a shocked whimper escaping his lips.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Regulus asked immediately, letting go of Barty’s boxers that he was halfway through pulling down.

Barty shook his head. “No, n–nothing. It just… feels a bit weird.”

Regulus raised up his eyebrows questioningly. Weird? He didn’t have much real life experience with penises, but he always assumed his was normal, or at least not lacking in any major way.

But before he had a chance to ask for clarification, Barty shook his head again. “I don’t mean your dick is weird, I mean the whole thing.”

If that was supposed to reassure Regulus, it certainly didn’t. Ice cold dread coursed through his vein, as he realised Barty might have changed his mind just now and he will have to go back to his room with blue balls and, much worse, a ruined friendship.

“I mean the angles are all wrong,” Barty added, when Regulus looked at him with what must have been utter dread. “Like, I’m not used to holding a dick from this side– it feels weird!”

“Oh,” Regulus exhaled, not even realising he was holding his breath. A wave of relief washed over him and he allowed its tide to spill a small smile onto his face. “You just gotta pronate your arm a bit and– wait, hang on, am I the first dick you touched?”

Now it was Barty’s turn to look surprised, all whilst not letting go of Regulus. “Yes,” Barty said simply. “You’re the first gay experience, kissing and all.”

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - just RELAX BL, you're stressing me out

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top. However, I've put quite a few on hold for travel reasons.

Oct 2023 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 10 of 12 - Boyfriends are cute boyfriends. Reconciliation with daddy and then major brother drama. How exciting. Gah but that closing scene, these two are such great actors! 

Naughty Babe (Sat YT) ep 8 fin - A perfectly serviceable final episode. I did love the red Chinese-style wedding to go with the “hia.” Also, just a little Thai 'poke poke poke' at China. 

Final thoughts?

This is a nice addendum to Cutie Pie, but it’s relatively incomprehensible even if you’ve watched that previous installment. I can’t imagine it will make any sense at all if you haven’t. Frankly, the most impressive thing about this show was the makeup team. MaxNat give excellent chemistry, all the high heat is well done, and the friendships are adorable, even if the story is nonsensical. It’s fine, I’m relieved it was only 8 eps. I enjoyed it for the pair but I will probably never rewatch. A weak 8/10

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Lucky Love ep 9 of 24 -Heartbroken (drunk) gay boy meets (fights) sister’s new chef. I love the femme bestie. Adorbs. This one seems pretty good actually. I like all the shots of Bangkok’s actual traffic. POV is a bit of a sad sack tho. 

Absolute Zero (Thai Weds iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - There is something clever about this narrative in the way that they are each each other’s first and second loves, but also age gap kinda creepy (Thailand maybe leave this one for Japan?)

Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 8 of 10 eps - So much whiny gay drama babies. However, it also manages to be painfully slow, through the simple act of having 90% of the show be boys sitting around staring at their phones. Then it suddenly got way higher heat than I expected. Honestly, this could’ve ended at 8 sps. I don’t see how extending the show is going to improve it in any way.

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 11 of 12 (not a BL but I'm watching it anyway) - I don’t have faith in any couple. One of my favorite things about this show is watching how many boys Mark can kiss. I know everyone is focusing on Neo, but seriously baby boy got game. Meanwhile Boston’s dick must be made of self-lubing steal pipe; I remain entirely uninterested is TopMew; Mew’s fam demonstrate why a gay boy should never take advice from straight women; and the slut-shaming agenda continues. NO SINGING. No character in this show is happy when Boeing turns up, but the rest of us trash-loving muckrakers are thrilled.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

If It’s With You AKA Even If I Fall In Love With You AKA Kimi to nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo’ (Japan Gaga) ep 3 of 5 - Oh it is so cute and so sweet and so aching. I really did not want the confession to happen, even though I knew it had to. There is an element of torture to this one that only Japan can execute with such precise softness.

You Are Mine (Taiwan Fri Viki) eps 7 of 10 - I remain charmed. But while the me of 2018 would have thought this one of the best BLs ever, the me of now is finding it a bit dated and nostalgic.

Bon Appetit (Korea Weds iQIYI) 7-8fin - Romance between an office worker and the man from his past next door who cooks well. It was a very sweet and cute tale of food as love in the All the Liquors family of KBL. I’m not wild about it, I did enjoy it, I was happy to have it show up on my dash, but ultimately it will simply become one of the KBL crowd. 8/10 

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 10 of 13(?) - another one where they are separated for most of the show. Although the sides are giving win. 

Bump Up Business (Korea Gaga) 1-2 of 8 - from Idol Romance staring OnlyOneOf's Nine & Mill, this released as a movie in July in SK but is now being recut/reissued as a series. Love story between a trainee who is about to debut and a celebrity plagued by scandal. After that OmegaX Shoulder bullshizz business I am very wary of this show, but this pair is already better cast.

Out of the mouths of OnlyOneOf (!!!) babes...

As to the show? I don’t know. I mean I love the idea, am nervous about Korea (with that bubble) doing a meta critique of the BL industry, with K-pop idols, using an existing group. It just seems like there’s a lot of mines in this small field, and it could go horribly horribly wrong. I am enjoying it, but also anxious the whole time I’m watching it for culture/market reasons. That said, I did pretty much ask for this exact show. So I can't complain, now can I?  

Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 5 of ? - I honestly don’t entirely understand what is going on. But it all seems to be the Psychotic Pretty Kitty’s fault. Oo caught in the act of drug-induced cheating - DRAMA. Dung should cut his losses and leave - cute doctor husband or not. Lovely kiss from the sides. I gotta say, this cast is hella pretty. I’m not mad that this team is kind of turning into GMMTV Vietnam.

It's Airing But...

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 8 of 12 - I will try to watch 8-12 and do a series review when I get back in November but... not sure I will be able to. Fingers crossed.

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 8fin - completed, my final thoughts in Nov.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until it completes its run.

I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan Tues Netflix-Japan & ????) - in classic JBL fashion, I Cannot Reach You could not be reached. 

Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine? AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan cinema release in-country only) - This one is a movie from Japan so in customary fashion who tf knows when (or if) it will get international distribution. Salaryman Ayumu Koiwai just can't tear his eyes away from the strong, muscular man as he checks on the stocks of the vending machine in his office.

One Room Angel (Japan Gaga) - Yukinori, a convenience store clerk was accidentally stabbed by a thug and nearly died. He returns home to find an angel waiting for him. The drama is an adaptation based on Harada’s manga of the same name (which I did not like). With only five episodes and a good chance this won’t end happily, I am going to wait and let you tell me how it goes. Binge it when it is complete if it's safe.

In Case You Missed It

GMMTV posted their initial 2024 line up, here's my round up of the BLs. It includes 2 JBL adaptations, 2 KBL adaptations (that they aren't admitting to) and vampires. If you want to know how I did on the predictions that's here and the answer is: very badly indeed.

I am watching the Y Journey: Stay Like a Local series. But they are essentially tourist board long-form advertisements. I enjoy the promo aspect with regards to the food. And seeing some of my favorite pairs do interesting other things is kinda fun. But the whole thing feels disingenuous when gay marriage is still not legal and it’s essentially the Thai government (making these ads) who is stopping that from happening. I have a similar feeling to iQIYI as a content provider. It’s not queerbaiting in the original sense of the term, but it’s pretty gross to use gay for advertising with a nationalistic propaganda agenda, when being gay is still not legal in your country. Yes I struggle to reconcile myself with this on the regular, and it’s an ongoing hypocritical struggle for my tiny withered tired old heart.

All that said, this week's installment, He’s Not Happy, did make me want to rewatch Make a Wish. There’s no kissing in this series but JudoFluke kiss beautifully, so If you haven’t seen Make a Wish, it’s very good and I recommend tracking it down.

Next Week Looks Like This

Upcoming October BL

10/26 My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thai iQIYI) 8 eps - nerd retreats from the world into an online game and makes friends with a little group, they meat in real life, one of them is hot, they fall in love, hottie turns out to be a gangster. Trailer

10/31 SHADOW (Thai Gaga) - this is a horror BL featuring ghosts and other paranormal elements in a high school setting. I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all). It features Singto (who did paranormal BL He's Coming to Me) opposite Fluke N (who's done a couple horror's before). Also Fiat. Dan suffers from sleep paralysis, and in his dreams he sees a shadow that suffocates him. It gets worse when he transfers schools.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

We stan consent and talking about sex during sex. Thank you Venus in the Sky.

I guess Ray's getting his 3some? Only Friends

Dangerous Romance hitting up some old school tropes.

Naughty Babe giving us our beloved domesticity and tiny gay families. @heretherebedork you happy?

(Last week)