#not in a bad way just in an aging way. in a ‘life goes on and so must I’ way
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fix these broken pieces | choi seung-hyun (t.o.p)


・❥・ summary: seunghyun had all but pushed everyone out, isolating himself so when he goes live on instagram and you manage to catch it, you know he needs someone. ・❥・word count: 1.9k ・❥・warnings: huh, nothing really. just sadness. ・❥・ authors note: yes, hi. this is based off that one insta live. we all know the one. they'll probably be a part two bc i'm a sucker and need to heal him. okay, thank you <3
Choi Seunghyun was a man of many talents even if one of those talents including being exceptionally good at shutting people out. Life hadn’t always been easy for him – the last couple of years especially. He was one of those people that would put the people around him first before he took care of himself. All he wanted was for the people around him to be happy, often forgetting about his own happiness in the process. He would often go out of his way to make people laugh and smile telling himself that it made him feel better. It didn’t, really. Seunghyun had always believed he was destined to be lonely, to be lost in his dark thoughts with no form of escape. He had accepted that at a young age — he was fine with it. What he really needed was a guiding light, someone to lead him out of the darkness and show him the love and care that he deserved. For a while, that had been you.
Back before Seunghyun had debuted, the two of you had dated. High school sweethearts, if you will. Falling in love with him had been the easiest thing you’d done. He was charming, kind, always looking out for you — how couldn’t you fall for him? You had been together for three years — Seunghyun would always say they were the best three years of his life — before the breakup happened. It wasn’t bad although it had been heartbreaking for both of you. Once Seunghyun had been accepted at YG, he thought it was best that you broke up. His train of thought was that he was going to be busy, he wouldn’t have enough time to give you the love you deserved. So, you agreed. It was the best thing. That didn’t mean it hurt any less. Seunghyun was your first everything… including heartbreak. It got easier with time and during that time, you had become the best of friends. The kind of friends that told each other everything whether it was how their day had gone or even their dating life. It wasn’t awkward, they just wanted the best for each other.
Unfortunately, life had a funny way of constantly bringing Seunghyun down. No matter how hard he tried to be happy, something always seemed to happen to disrupt that. After everything that had happened, the last few years had been the worst. He had been doing better, or so everyone thought.
When he started shutting people out, you knew that was his coping mechanism, he did it to protect the people around him. But, when he started shutting you out, that was when you knew something was incredibly wrong. Through all his hardships, he never pushed you away. You had always been his rock, the person he could trust with all of his secrets and feelings but this time? No. He had pushed you away and locked you out with the rest. He’d reply to your texts sparingly, ignore every phone call – it made your heart clench to think he was struggling and couldn’t even trust you.
The day had been as boring as any other. Most of it you had spent running errands, making sure your home was clean in case anyone decided to drop by. Were you hoping that Seunghyun would show up asking you to help him? Definitely but you knew that wasn’t going to happen. That man hated asking for help. As your thoughts drifted to your best friend, a notification pinged out on your phone.
choi_seung_hyun_tttop started a live video
It was instantly you pressed on the notification, the face of your best friend popping onto the screen. He looked sad but he was trying his best to put on a front – you knew him too well. As he spoke, you listened carefully. It broke your heart to hear him say that he would never do a comeback because people were evil. Music was his passion, his life; it was what kept him going and the thought that he had been bullied so much that he didn't even want to make a comeback was devastating. The fact people were so cruel they had bullied him out of the one thing he loved, it made your blood boil.
It was the second the words ‘I’m not good. I’m not good actually’ came out of his mouth when you sprang into action. There was absolutely no way you were letting him sit on Instagram live feeling that way. So, you scrolled to ‘Find My Friends’ to track down his location. Seunghyun had insisted a few years ago to add each other when you had a date with a guy that he had deemed ‘sketchy’ just in case anything happened. Neither of you had removed the other since then. Thank God you hadn’t otherwise you’d just have to sit here helpless while your best friend spiralled on the internet alone.
The restaurant he was at wasn’t too far away from your place meaning the drive barely took five minutes. All the while you kept the video up on your phone, listening and feeling your heart break when you heard him say ‘I’m always alone’. He wasn’t. As long as you were around, he would never be alone. This man, this beautiful man, was worth more to you than anything else in the world and you would do whatever it took to make him feel loved and cared for. Even after all these years, he still had your heart. It would forever remain his.
Walking into the restaurant, your eyes scanned around the place trying to locate him. You couldn’t see him so you walked up to a guy with a name tag reading ‘Steve’. He seemed friendly enough, carrying a tray with him as he walked away from one of the tables. Must be a waiter, you thought. That was good. Maybe he had seen Seunghyun.
“Sorry to bother you, Steve… but, uh, you wouldn’t happen to have seen this guy, would you?” You held up your phone, showing Seunghyun’s face – his live was still ongoing.
“Oh, the handsome man with the glasses? Yes! He’s in the corner by the windows.” Steve pointed you in the direction. With a mumbled thank you, you headed in the direction that he had pointed you in.
Lo and behold, there sat Seunghyun with his hood up, speaking into his phone. For a moment you stood and watched. On the outside, to anyone who didn’t know him, he’d seem fine but you could see the light gone from his eyes, the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes. He had been dealt such bad cards in this life, it was unfair.
“Your face looks very scary,” you heard Seunghyun’s voice reading out a comment. He took a moment to contemplate then spoke in the softest, confused voice you’d ever heard. “What do you mean?”
That was it.
You’d had enough.
Marching over there, you grabbed the phone out of his hands immediately turning the live off. He looked up at you, brows furrowed together in confusion. “What are you doing here?”
“Saving you,” you replied simply. You took the seat next to him, placing his phone facing down on the table.
“How did you know where I was?”
“Find My Friends. You made me put you in there that time I had a date with Mark because you thought he was a weirdo.”
“He was a weirdo.”
You rolled your eyes but immediately your features turned soft, your hand gently resting on his thigh. “Are you okay?”
He refused to look you in the eyes instead focusing on the food in front of him. He couldn’t lie to you. If there was one person in the world he could never hide his true feelings from, it was you. That was why he’d decided to distance himself from you this time, too. In his eyes, you deserved to be happy and all he would do was drag you down with his problems. What he didn’t know was that he could never drag you down. All you wanted was to help him, make him see in himself what you saw in him.
“Seunghyun, look at me.” You gently lifted your free hand up to tilt his chin towards you and that’s when you saw it. The tears in his eyes. If your heart wasn’t already broken, it was in a million pieces now. Seeing him this hurt, the pain so prominent as he tried to blink back the tears, it made you want to cry. “Oh, baby.”
Without even thinking about it, you wrapped your arms around him. Seunghyun immediately hid his face in the crook of your neck, letting the tears fall. All you could do was hold him, your fingers gently running through his hair to soothe him. Maybe this was what he needed. He had been holding it in for so long that finally seeing you had made him break. The one person that could always get through to him no matter how high he built his walls up. You would always come in, knocking them right down. He didn’t deserve you, that’s what he thought anyway.
It was a good ten minutes later when he finally lifted his head up. You smiled sadly at him, taking in his puffy eyes and his messy hair. “Always said you were a pretty crier.”
“Shutup,” he mumbled. No venom behind it whatsoever.
A quiet silence fell between you until you broke it. “It’s okay to not be okay, you know? After everything you’ve been through and the way people have treated you, I wouldn’t expect you to be okay. What I need you to do, though, is stop trying to push me away. You can’t get rid of me that easily, Choi Seunghyun. Whatever difficulties you’re facing, you don’t have to face them alone. I’ll be here right by your side like I have been since we were teenagers.”
You took his hand in yours, lacing your fingers together. His eyes briefly glanced down to your hands then back up to meet your eyes. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to bring you down with me.”
“Seunghyun, you could never bring me down. I love you, you idiot. I want to help you through the tough times. I want to be that person you can depend on.”
“You are that person. I just…” he trailed off, his deep voice almost breaking as he spoke. “I feel like I’m never going to be okay.”
You give his hand a gentle squeeze, your voice soft as you spoke to him trying to reassure him the best you could. “You will be. Eventually. It’ll take time but I’ll be here every step of the way for you, okay?”
Seunghyun wrapped his arms around you, tugging you towards him and almost into his lap. He held you tightly like he was anchoring himself down. If that’s what he needed you to be then you’d be it. You rubbed his back softly, this time burying your head into him. “I’m going to need you to get me a list of names of those people who were saying mean stuff about you on that live, by the way. I know people who can deal with them.”
That made him chuckle. It wasn’t a full chuckle – it wasn’t a true Seunghyun laugh but you’d get there. Day by day. No matter how long it would take.
taglist (ask to be added!): @ldydeath @infinetlyforgotten @justsisse @come-as-you-are-111 @sherrayyyyy @loveesiren @fleabagspurplewife @gdinthehouseee
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so uhm imma just be writting down stuff cause yes (PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMENT)
My principal 2 ideas
how this could start is either way patrol goes bad or a Mission with the JL or both combined and everyone is mad at Bruce because yes his paranoia IS a problem but they all could have reacted better beacause THEY KNOW BETTER, Bruce has dedicated his life to try and teach them better than what he knew himself and also had TRIED to keep them out of the "Heroism" beacuse i need to do the reminder that most of them were the ones that started as vigilantes and not Bruce pushing them into that.
his children (imma go more in deep here cause this is the rout i will probably go for):
Dick started because dude has enraged cause his parents died and wanted to track down their killer, and B trained him so he (dick) didnt get killed. Jason was happy being robing cause "it gave him magic" (IT DID, but when a ray of sunshine is to bright the world destroys it)
Tim didn't even wanted to be robin in the first place, i mean ofc he wanted but the baby had many issues, so he looked for Dick and quite literally asked him to "pls be robin again, bat is angy and bein mean to people" by mean i meant HES PUTTING PEOPLE INTO EMERGENCY CARE, eventually i think Dick and Bruce got into troble with BANE and fucking alfred gave the robin suit to an UNTRAINED child and told him "Yo go save them chum" and Tim in his rational mind went to save 2 vigilantes as a child and untrained (alfred IS also the problem),
yes, i havent forgot that Tim did kinda blackmailed Bruce and half-"man-handle" him into self and kind of mental health in some comics, Bruce didn't wanted Tim to be Robin because he still couldn't forget Jason's death wich still haunted him and still does. then Tim almost fckin dies and he needs to stay in bed rest and then
Stephanie is Robin for like a while and then she wither quits or Bruce fires her i think, and she comes back as Batgirl and the Spoiler
Cassandra is literally there by choice, she says it in the comics "Im Batman's Daughter By choice" also she's a trained assasin, she wants to be there, she wants to help and She does not kill.
Duke is Adopted cause of his parents situation (they are jokerized) and he's a meta (also the only bat that does patrols at Daytime) and he was the lider of the ROBINS club, bro literally had a mini gang of people calling themself's Robins to help Batman (i havent read stuff in a while so FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME)
Barbara was there from the start and even before Dick in some characterizations (or shes as old as Bruce, as she sould be) Girl has gotten DE-aged so many times just to be shipped, GIRL DESERVES BETTER, so she should be older than him atleast by 7 years plssss, and when she started as Batgirl she didn't even worked for bruce.
then there is Maps (Mia "Maps" Mizoguchi) WHICH I will make her appear in the story (she's a student from Gotham Academy, she's also the founder of the "Detective's club") "Her journey as Robin is explored through various comics, including Batman: Black and White. Batman's perspective on Maps' role is officially revealed in The Brave and the Bold #12. Maps isn't just any sidekick; she's a named Robin in Batman's eyes as of 2024." -Google chrome and me cause i read the comic
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it resolves in everyone (exept some) snapping at Bruce and making him for the first time in a LONG time think about throw in the Cowl, yes. imma make it so gutrenching angst and also very fluffy, because Bruce has started to go once a month to a therapy session with Dinah either in person or bya Zoom or somtheing like that and its been doing okay, and the thing is those sessions are just a follow up from the previous stuff he was doing cause in Tim made him go to therapy at first (cause of Jasons death and Bruce's other issues) and this event is just gonna make Bruce just go to france to have a very well needed stayacion.
and well everyone is worried asf beacuse BRUCE WAYNE has dissapeared
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS MONDAY AND HE HASN'T FELL INTO A FOUNTAIN?!
what do you mean he isn't there for the WEEKLY meeting with his workers were he's there just praising how well they work (he has never NOT come)
what do you mean he isnt there for FAMILY DINNER?
what do you mean he is not there for the JL obligatory meet up
what do you mean he isn't on a crazy Yacht party
what do you mean he isn't there when scarecrow gases gotham again? (even tho they can do it perfectly)
what do you mean he isn't at the kent farm like he usually does when he's stressed and he need that pie from Ma' kent
What do you mean he isn't with clark or louis?
What do you mean he isn't with oliver queen doing stupid stuff
What are you in when the Bat-kids (Damian) call the LOA (The League of Assasins) asking if casually they have Bruce (Damian calls Talia to ask if she got her "Beloved" with her)
What do you mean even Ra's Al Ghul is taken aback with the news that his Daughter gave him
Why are the Gotham Villians being nicer???? (B isnt there and they are worried kinda)
What do you mean Bruce Wayne is spotted in DISNEYLAND PARIS with a GROW UP normal child on his shoulder and smiling brighter than a thousand suns with pure and entire Happyness looking at that kid as if it was his entire world??
What do you mean he looks happier without them (he isn't but he really needs a fucking break)
#tired bruce wayne#bruce wayne is trying#bruce wayne is a good dad#bruce wayne is a good father#batman#bruce wayne#neglected reader#dick grayson is a menace#dick grayson#dick grayson is a good brother#dick grayson is a ray of sunshine#jason todd#jason todd is a good brother#jason todd is a little shit#jason todd is a nerd#damian wayne#tim drake is a menace#tim drake is joker junior#tim drake is red robin#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#duke thomas#Alfred Pennyworth is not so good#talia al ghul#tw neglect#emotional neglect#Ladybug reader??#Magical Girl coded#Everyone needs a hug#Bruce Wayne goes to therapy
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hey ! i was wondering if you had any thoughts on dissociative identity disorder or more specifically the "theory of structural dissociation" that says DID is 'caused' by going through heavy dissociation-causing trauma before the ages of ~9, (that number might be different depending on who you ask, i've seen 6--12 as well) which causes a fractured sense of self due to not having an integrated personality until ~9+ and experiencing disruptions to the development/integration due to the trauma+dissociation/amnesia. the whole theory feels a little silly to me, but it seems to be the only largely accepted one? how do we know a personality is integrated around age 9, what even is a 'personality' in this context–how do we measure/define that, what is considered integrated vs not integrated, etc. there's just a lot that seems to rely on assumptions and norms and doesnt make sense to me. and almost all of it falls apart when you consider the 'culturally normal' forms of multiplicity that cannot be diagnosed bc they are typical within a culture or community, but multiplicity is still being experience regardless. ie: if meeting the TOSD's terms is the way multiplicity is developed according to clinical perspective, how do ppl in cultures where multiplicity is a norm develop it? what abt ppl who develop multiplicity later in life, after the age of supposed identity/personality integration?(in the DID community, they largely just say these people aren't real or are incorrect about what they think theyre experiencing or have experienced–often a trauma history is superimposed on the subject and told 'you DO have trauma, you just can't remember it bc of your condition). the theory only (and barely) seems to make sense in a vaccum. yet the DID community seems really strict about adhereing to this theory. my thought is that its a very 'validating' (see, my trauma is bad enough, it was *so* bad and occured at *such* a young age that it literally fractured my entire psyche/sense of self/personality/whatever--proof!) theory so many who have been through complex trauma cling to it as some sort of evidence of their hardships and validation of their reactions, and any other theories feel 'invalidating.' i think DID (and more broadly all multiplicity) has long been a highly stigmatized and debated condition in psych circles, it is way outside the norm of what is considered allowable or even sometimes possible, and this has caused the definition and cause of the condition to become stricter and narrower to rationalize and 'corral' it in a sense, which is validating and ?possibly helpful? to the ones who can meet that criteria, but fails and punishes those who cannot but may still be living with some kind of multiplicity. ntm the founders of the theory all have a bit of controversy for patient abuse, i think that's relevant but often goes dismissed. i'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject and the broader treatment and discussions of multiplicity from a psych abolition perspective.
sorry for any typos/grammar errors!
so in terms of professional discourse i think what we see more accurately is that definitions of 'dissociative' (not really a defined term itself lol) conditions were broader and tended to get described under different diagnostic umbrellas (including sometimes hysteria) before the schizophrenia diagnosis was reframed in biomedical terms in the early 20thc. then schizophrenia is redefined and widened in a few ways throughout the century, and many psychiatrists turn out to really prefer dxing schizophrenia, which is like a professional concept that comes from them, over dxing (old terms for) DID, which has long been associated with sideshow and medical demonstrations like hypnosis, & is depicted as sensational and splshy in pop culture and often learned about that way.
in the 90s there was a brief boom in anglo medical literature about DID but in truth i would not say it has ever been an uncontroversial dx among The Professionals. generally more of the psychiatric field thinks this is iatrogenic/culture-bound performance-interpretation of distress than thinks it is a traumagenic disease and i think that has largely always been true & will probably always be true as long as they are working off professional diagnostic schemata that have other, more 'scientised' descriptions of 'dissociative' presentations to funnel patients into. you see you can certainly get psychiatrists to challenge their own field but they have to believe that they're excising a diseased little local bit in order to legitimate the whole. they try to do this when anyone mentions the chemical imbalance theory too and they act like they all obviously already know it's bunk and they weren't just personally hawking it to you five seconds ago because they do Science doncha know.
as far as DID itself yeah i basically agree with what you've said about multiplicity. i wouldn't exempt this dx from anything i've said re: psych in general. there's nothing magically more pre-discursive or pre-social about it.
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thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:
the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)
it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.
"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)
as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.
that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.
#tl;dr the demon is a metaphor about dissociation and trauma and it's doing its job thematically fucking pitch perfectly that way the end#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#this mission is like ds9 the wire in terms of episodes you really can examine from a thousand different angles#and find something new and soulcrushingly sad every time. exactly my kind of episode in other words#whenever people say there's nothing to him but coffee and spite jokes some small part of me goes 'oh I'm so incredibly sorry!#it must be really hard and so impractical to go through life without being able to read :'( get better soon'#is that very nice of me. perhaps not. is the writing here *perfect*? of course not. but some people are also dedicated to being#wilfully blind (presumably b/c they would have preferred to see something else?? idk man)#lucanis' reaction to taash going 'I'm sorry I'm such a bad crow :'('... he could NEVER do what caterina did with him no matter what#you just can't use him like that. he needs the clean family/enemy/contract distinction or you just break him!!!#caterina literally what are you thinking. every day I ask myself this. (probably 'the only other option that keeps the seat in the family#is illario. so that's right out of course' lmao)#god forbid it happen anytime soon if it should happen b/c there's Stuff that needs working through first lol but he'd be such a soft dad
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So it's Kirk's birthday but Spock has to work so Bones shows up at the door in these skintight hoochie cowboy pants with a bottle of really strong illegal liquor and hands Kirk a little pouch and Kirk's first question is whether the pouch contains Klingon aphrodisiacs like that's a perfectly normal thing Bones sometimes brings over and I'm not supposed to ship McKirk?
#and then bones goes and does the most bisexual chair sprawl i have ever seen in my life#when kirk is done pouting about being older and needing glasses bones is going to give him his real present#bones is a bit older than kirk and he's about to remind him six ways to sunday that age is just a number#i just picture spock calling bones and saying “i have to go to space tonight can you please go show our guy a good time for his birthday?#also i got him a rare book from that antique place he likes”#and bones responds with “dammit spock you know he won't even be able to see the damn book because he needs glasses so bad#and besides i thought we had agreed on giving him a sandwich tonight”#and spock answers “i'm afraid it will just have to be an open-faced sandwich tonight doctor#but i promise to make it up to you both next time. have fun.#oh and if you wanted to bring some more of those klingon aphrodisiacs from last time i'm sure he'd be into it”#and bones grumbles something about being the backbone of this fucking polycule#but secretly he loves being needed and saving the day with both his medical experience (with the glasses) and his perfect dick#star trek twok#mckirk#mcspirk#bones mccoy#james t kirk
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I don’t know if i’ll ever get over how todd just kept living. like obviously to 16 year old todd, neil was his closest friend and everything. but to 40 year old todd? neil was a school friend. and of course he still cares about neil but his life grows to be so much else. He doesn’t think of neil the way he does at 16 forever, he moves forward. He will never know 40 year old neil. He can’t grow old with 70 year old neil. Neil is forever 16, that I can understand. but todd is Not. todd gets older.
#I don’t think this is worded well but every time I remind myself of this fact I am crushed all over again#he carries his old best friend with him forever but just as his view of himself changes with age#his view of neil probably does as well#not in a bad way just in an aging way. in a ‘life goes on and so must I’ way#i’m 99% sure I read a fic like this back in 2021 but I didn’t use bookmarks at the time and I have no clue how to find it#dps#dead poets society#todd anderson#neil perry#for the record I think they’re boyfriends i just don’t think that’s uniquely relevant to this post
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The way my father and aunt are both religious but in a total opposite way is insane
#its very easy to not know or to forget my father is catholic#you cannot not see how catholic my aunt is#there are crosses everywhere in her house its insane#not in a bad way im just amazed two people raised by the same parents and who dont have a big age gap have so different view on religiob#*religion#also my dad believes in evolution while last year i had to be confronted facetoface with my aunt with the fact she doesnt believe we and#chimpanzees are cousin species#bc you know. adam and eve god created us perfectly theres no way we're cousins with monkeys and all#it had been.. surprising and totally unexpected#also my own cousin has voiced the fact she finds interracial couples and gay couples disgusting and not normal so yay /sarc#how can my dad and aunt think so differently. what the actual f#my dad isnt the best but hes decent and is a great & kind man above all. my aunt is nice too but wtf is going on with my cousin#going back on the first topic: my dad rarely goes to church meanwhile my aunt goes every week and learnt to play organ she's very active in#church life - again just stating how my dad and aunt are different. not judging it just surprises me
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i know people just die and statistically the longer you live the more people you know will die but often I feel like it’s just me, constantly losing people, like no one else recognizes how monumentally crushing it is to lose someone, even if they were only on the periphery of your life. it just makes me feel so alone like is no one else seeing this?? is no one else feeling all this??
#my friends dad just died and he’s not like. the closest person in my life or anything#but he’s a person I knew and who watched us grow up and who cared for the same ppl I care for#it feels like every week another person is gone forever and I am thrust back into the same deep grief of losing the most important ppl#it feels kind of like in rwrb when they describe feeling the worst possible feeling at a young age#and it drills a hole down in your heart and whenever anything bad happens after that it doesn’t stop at the floor#it goes all the way down to the bottom#ivy speaks
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I find another reason of why M's familial attitude and treatment towards me are impacting me so deeply much is the fact— taking this in now— that while I had a dismissive and emotionally distant father who pulled the abandonment card when I was thirteen, my mother is never as truly caring and understanding as he is.
#🗯#🧧#I think it's insane that it's someone who I don't even talk to outside workplace and haven't exchanged as many personal conversations yet#that actually makes me want to do better things for myself and my / our life than my very own mother#who I knew throughout my entire life while she doesn't know even a quarter of personal things about me#for an example I have kleptomania so I tend to steal a lot of things#due to my mother belittling / guilttripping me for wanting to buy what I'd like to have as I often experience financial guilt 'cause of her#but on Friday of last week when we had a ' life is hard ' conversation#he had told me along the line about how people would cheat with getting money by robbery stealing etc etc#and he said something like it's important I have to work hard so I won't fall into that kind of future where I lose everything#and it genuinely made me reflect on my kleptomania and thought of trying not to steal more often#vs. my mom would only make me feel worst with the guilt#saying I'd go to jail and I'd embarrass ourselves having people we know learn this and mock at us#and telling me stories of some people going to jail while having to spend so much money for stealing#like my mother never asks me how I'm doing and when she sees I'm sad / upset she'll always make me feel bad about it in some way#it's one of the reasons why I'm so deeply affected by how M treats me 'cause I never truly get to have that real care and support from her#M is an Asian immigrant just like her - likely in the same age group too - yet he has more kindness and emotional awareness than her#and I don't get it. I just wish my parents - at least my mother can be like M.#I think M knows my relationship with her isn't fully positive when I told him certain personal details between myself and her#that had him see that I'd get stressed out about but honestly I hope one day#he can see me as one of his kids while acknowledging our dynamic is something special - for a lack of better description#I just remembered before making this post that tomorrow is Family Day and. man. I'm so sad#I hope tomorrow goes by fast...
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(kinda gets 18+ in tags srry. i never know how/where to talk abt it) and honestly it's never like i can pull up and talk about like, emotional abuse either. or like atmospheric triggers and shit. because talking about any of that is hard. but it's specifically fucking impossible to ever talk about sexual trauma to anybody ever, which is fucked because like... i'm trying and i'm doing good at it, i'm proud of myself, but it's so like. idk. when something dominates your entire life for an incredible critical five years of your life and entirely transforms how you approach anything it's like... i don't actually know how to express any of this at all. and i guess it's sometimes hard for people to get it. i dunno.
#neg#ask to tag#ok ill go to bed after this one its just like#thankfully im in a friend group that like. gets it#but even still ive never verbally clearly acknowledged thats what the anecdotes are about#and i mean its an open secret bc this one thing like. hit the fan. and my friends knew abt it#EVERYONE knew. and i realized only after that that it was like... actually a really bad thing maybe nobody should have known.#it's like that a lot. everyone sees it everyone knows it but it's kinda just me sweeping up the consequences#im very much a public vivisection case study of how like. nightmare sex explorations can go i guess#and maybe that's why i appeal to like anything in media talking about sex ever in a way thats kinda complicated#because like. yeah. i mean i lost any chance of getting to experience anything like that#i don't know. i have a really difficult time with processing this shit#which is crazy because like. idk if i ever said. but i think that was something nearly every alter in my head-#had in common. like not 2 of the 6 others. but the other 4 it was like at least somewhere a theme#which elt crazy. like so much for differentiation. but like. what else is there#i want to scream at ppl that this was my life this is all i fucking understood for ages#that i didnt realize it was bad until i saw what could be good#but you dont say that shit to people and im too fucking scared to say anything to my best friends so like#clearly nobody will know. n i just kinda have to live w that#that i can never have sex. and i can never really understand what goes on with it. that certain terms fly over my head#that i have to like latch on vice grip into fiction for it. because it never makes sense out of my own mouth#seriously if i need to tag this tell me i just dont know what the fuck to say
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all i want for christmas is you! a gojo satoru fic

pairing ⸺ bf!gojo x reader
summary ⸺ after a well needed rest from the kids, you and your boyfriend focus on baking christmas cookies for your pta responsibilities. however, it ends up taking a naughty twist when satoru finds out the surprise you've planned out for him.
warnings ⸺ FLUFF, smut in the form of fingering and p i v sex, reader has a vagina, fem reader implied, some jealousy, but mostly crack, pta cookie baking for megumi, very domestic, not edited, “good girl,” teasing, use of pet names like “baby,” gojo is a warning in himself
a/n hbd to my husband and loml 😚😚 i hope you guys enjoy this it kind of made me realize only long fics heal my soul but this is anticipation of holidays :33
general masterlist
You sometimes did not know what to do with Satoru.
When he told you to come over to make Christmas cookies that are part of his PTA commitments for Megumi, you really didn’t expect him to come out of his room with that sweater on. It’s an ugly sweater—so he’s got the holiday spirit nailed down—that has printed “BIG PACKAGE JUST FOR YOU.” Below it, a cartoon Santa stood pantsless, strategically holding a neatly wrapped gift box over his crotch.
You give him a look as he comes out to join you in the kitchen. “Please don’t tell me you wore that in front of Tsumiki and Megumi.”
He has the gall to look offended as he puts on his even stupider “Your opinion wasn’t on the recipe” apron. “Of course, what kind of father do you think I am?”
You sigh, moving to put in the last of the dry ingredients. “I saw Megumi watching Breaking Bad on his iPad last week.”
“What?” he gasps dramatically as he pauses while moving for the fridge. “I swear I downloaded Youtube Kids!”
Look, Satoru is a good dad. Foster-dad. Whatever. He’s been taking care of Megumi and Tsumiki for ages now, ever since that incident happened, and he’s been doing his best. But, unfortunately, his adult life and burdens and responsibilities cause him sometimes to be a absent father. He makes up for it—goes shopping with Tsumiki for her clothes, spends quality time with Megumi.
One thing he’d never miss, however, are those PTA meetings.
He is the PTA mom final boss. No matter what event is being held, he’s going to go all out. You don’t miss the smirk he gives to Karen everytime he brings an even bigger cookie platter for Megumi’s homeroom than she did for her son Sam’s, nor the sassy pursed lips as he donates artist-grade markers from Michael’s instead of Mia’s cheap ones from Walmart.
Yea, he is just petty like that, but it’s always the moms whose sons have gotten into fights with Megumi that he outdoes everytime. You know better than to question his peculiar form of revenge.
“I think that means he found a way to break through the parental controls. He’s definitely your kid,” you reply with a bit of mirth in your voice. Then, you quickly move to intercept Satoru���s journey to get the eggs as soon as you notice a miniscule movement of his. You were not about to let Satoru force another trip to Whole Foods with the clumsiness you’re all too familiar with in your five years of dating.
Grabbing the eggs before he can, you turn around to find him staring at you, a dazzled look on his face.
“What?” you ask, already smirking. The view of the outfit you’d worn today had been obscured by the apron when he first came in, but when you moved to get the eggs in front of him, he definitely got a view of your ass in your tiny red skirt and fuzzy, festive top.
“Why the hell are you wearing a sexy Mrs. Claus outfit?”
“I was thinking we’d watch Christmas movies and chill today after the cookies!” you exclaim, just as Satoru interrupts with, “We’re baking cookies for children, you freak.”
The room went dead silent.
Your cheerful smile dropped instantly. Meanwhile, Satoru’s face lit up like he’s just won the lottery, full of pure glee.
Both of you shout at the same time, “What?”
You slam the eggs down onto the counter with just enough force to make him flinch, narrowing your eyes at him. “Excuse me? Did you just call me a freak?”
“I didn’t mean it like that!” he yelped, backpedaling so fast you were surprised he didn’t trip over his own feet. “It’s just—” He gestured wildly at you. “—that outfit is… is…”
“Is what?” you demand, crossing your arms and daring him to dig himself deeper.
“Babe,” he starts to whine, apologetic like a wet dog and padding his way back over to you while pulling you in for a back hug. “It’s hot, okay? Don’t get me wrong, it’s driving me crazy. I’m trying to focus on cookies, and you’re over here looking like every Christmas fantasy I didn’t know I had.”
“Get off me,” you grumble, shooting him a glare as you try to shake him off. “You are not touching these cookies. Sit on the couch.”
He yelps as you slap his hand. “Babe, but I’ll just be reinforcing the patriarchy if I let you stay and do all the work in the kitchen.” Then, he moves closer to your ear like the chronically online loser he is and whispers, “6’ 3’’ btw.”
“Go away!” you shriek, waving him off. This process would indeed be two times faster if Satoru was on his couch. There wasn’t any rush, but you’d really appreciate getting to the dicking-down part of tonight after much appreciated privacy from the kids for the first time in forever. You take a mental note to thank Yuji’s grandpa and Nobara’s grandmother with extra cookies for the sleepover as you shoo your boyfriend to the couch.
You get back to work on the wet ingredients by cracking the eggs, but not before you hear a “I’ll be reflecting on the systematic oppression women face in the workforce.”
Pulling off the oven mitts on your hands, you wash your hand but not without sneaking a peek over the kitchen counter. You were locked in on the cookies, paying no mind to Satoru’s existential bemoaning, and now that you’re done, you can’t wait for the fun part of tonight.
After waiting a few minutes and checking and rechecking the cookies to make sure they’re done, you set them aside to cool and make sure to turn off the oven. Tonight, you were determined to get that big fucking package Santa owed you, and your boyfriend was going to be the one to deliver it.
As you walk out, you know the strat you’re going to use: innocently suggest a Christmas movie to watch, snuggle close to him, and he’ll fall into the trap you set for him like a bear towards honey. You know your boyfriend all too well, and today, you were feeling coy.
He’s stretched out on the couch, scrolling on his phone, his posture as awful as ever. But the second he hears your footsteps, his head snaps up. His eyes immediately dart to the movement of your bare legs, lingering on the tiny red skirt you’re still wearing, before slowly traveling back up to your chest. Wow. He really wasn’t making this difficult.
You plop down next to him while grabbing the remote, pulling up Netflix. “What movie should we watch today?”
He blinks, clearly distracted. “We’re watching a movie?”
The Princess Switch catches in the side of your eye as you scroll through the options. Without looking at him, you answer, “Yes? What else were we going to do?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” he drawls, his voice already dipping into that teasing tone you know so well. “Maybe something that doesn’t involve Vanessa Hudgens playing herself two times.”
You roll your eyes, nudging his shoulder with your own. “Don’t knock it till you try it, Mr. Holiday Spirit.”
His gaze doesn’t leave you, though, and when you finally glance at him, his expression has shifted. He’s not teasing anymore. His eyes are a little darker, his lips twitching like he’s holding back a grin. “What?” you ask, already smirking.
“Nothing,” he says, his voice lower now. “Just... you look really good in that outfit.”
Your cheeks heat, but you play it off with a laugh. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Satoru.”
“Won’t it?” he murmurs, leaning a little closer, his hand brushing against your knee. The heat of his palm lingers even after he pulls it away, and you feel your heart skip a beat.
You’re about to respond—something witty, something to keep the banter going—but then his hand moves again, this time resting firmly on your thigh. “You’re really going to make me sit through a Christmas movie when you look like that?” he asks, his voice a low rumble.
Your breath hitches, and you can’t help the way your body reacts, leaning just a fraction closer to him. “What would you rather do?” you challenge, your voice softer now.
His gaze dips to your lips, and that’s all the invitation he needs. In a second, he’s closing the distance, his mouth pressing against yours in a kiss that’s anything but sweet. It’s hungry and demanding, like he’s been waiting for this all day, and when his hand slides higher up your thigh, you realize you’ve completely forgotten about the movie and the preview playing. Satoru, clearly a little annoyed judging by the pout on his face, moves to close the preview featuring Vanessa Hudgens’ obnoxious British accent and then the room is silent except for the wet sounds of your sloppy kissing.
When you’ve both made out for a while—now with you on his lap—you both pull back with fastened breaths, looking at each other’s glistening lips. Finally, from Satoru comes out a, “That. I wanted to do that.”
Maybe it’s the attention whore in you always looking to rile up Satoru and get his affection, but you couldn’t refrain from blurting out a “Are you sure you wanted to do this with me, or would Linda have sufficed?”
At the scrunch of Satoru’s nose, his face practically spells out a Who the fuck is Linda? “You know, the one that gets really friendly with you when I’m going to the bathroom at those PTA meetings.”
Satoru sometimes did not know what to do with you.
Here he is, trying to make out with you when you’re looking like that, makeup done perfectly and looking beautiful as always. He hasn’t gotten laid with you in a hot minute, and here you are, picking at him. He has no fucking clue who Linda is, but what he does know is that you’re really cute when you get jealous. “Yeah?” he teases, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face, his fingers lingering against your cheek. His grin is maddeningly smug, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement. “Linda sounds nice. Should I call her up?”
Your jaw drops, but the sharp retort forming in your head is lost when his hand slides from your cheek to your neck, his thumb brushing lightly along your jawline. He leans closer, his breath warm against your skin. “You know,” he continues, his voice a low murmur, “if you’re jealous, you could just say so.”
“I’m not jealous,” you shoot back, your voice unconvincing even to yourself. You shift under his gaze, trying to keep up the façade, but it’s hard when his lips hover so close to yours.
Satoru’s grin widens. “No? Then why are you bringing up some imaginary PTA Linda when I’m clearly only interested in you?” His lips press against the corner of your mouth, a slow, deliberate kiss that makes your breath catch.
“You’re clearly only interested in being annoying,” you quip, but the words lack their usual bite as his hand slips lower, trailing down your side until it rests on your bare thigh. His touch is firm, possessive, and it sends a shiver through you.
“Annoying?” he echoes, his tone mock-offended. “That’s a big word for someone who just ruined a perfectly good makeout session to talk about Linda.”
You glare at him, but the effect is ruined when his thumb begins tracing lazy circles on your thigh. “I didn’t ruin anything,” you argue weakly.
“Didn’t you?” He dips his head, his lips brushing against the sensitive spot just below your ear. “Because now, instead of kissing you like I want to, I’m stuck reassuring you that Linda doesn’t stand a chance against my very sexy, very jealous girlfriend.”
You can’t help the laugh that escapes you, but it turns into a soft gasp as his teeth graze your skin, his tongue soothing the faint sting. “You’re insufferable,” you mutter, but your hands betray you, tangling in his hair and tugging him closer.
“Mm, but you like it,” he murmurs, his lips trailing down your neck. His free hand slides higher, skimming under the hem of your skirt, his fingers teasing against the soft skin of your hip. “Admit it.”
“Shut up,” you manage, though your voice is breathless now. He’s too close, his scent overwhelming, his touch setting your nerves on fire. When his hand tightens on your thigh and he pulls you closer, you give in, letting him capture your lips in a kiss that’s all desperation.
Linda, whoever she may be, is long forgotten as Satoru kisses you like he’s trying to make up for every second you’ve spent apart. His hands roam, his touch firm and confident, and when he pulls back just enough to murmur against your lips, “You’re all I want,” you believe him completely.
A breathless “Satoru” leaves your lips as he gently–but hurriedly–lowers you down to lay on the couch while he bends over you, inching down the hem of your top to bury his head in your tits. “Oh my god,” he groaned. “I missed my girls.” He starts to leaves rough kisses, an occasional bite and suck, and then stops. Takes in a deep breath. “Wow, you smell good babe.”
You look at him, flustered. “Stop smelling my tits, oh my god.” For good measure, you grab his hair to bury his face against your breasts once more.
“No,” smooch, “it’s,” smooch, “smelling good. Like the new holiday scents from Bath and Body Works.” He then abandons your chest to kiss his way down your body, sliding your skirt down as he kisses around the edge of your panties. “I’ve missed her, too.”
Despite yourself, you moan, spreading your legs to give him full access. He takes it enthusiastically, giving you a little kiss in your middle. Then, his eyes don’t leave yours as he uses his teeth to pull your panties down, slowly and sultry. Your pussy leaks even more, and the motherfucker notices, because there’s a faint smirk on his face as he hones back in your wetness, running his fingers to spread your slick. “Wow, my girl must have been sooo pent up,” he croons, eyes not leaving your hole and the way it clenched every time he spoke. “My good girl is soo desperate.”
Without missing a beat, you sneakily reply, “Don’t call me that, that’s so corny oh my god—-“ You’re interrupted with your own gasp as he enters a finger in. When he finally curls it, hitting your g-spot dead on, you suck in your breath. You really missed this.
“Oh, really?” He giggles, clearly amused by you trying to rile him up. “If my baby doesn’t like being called a good girl then why is she clenching so hard on my—“ thrust— “fingers?”
And suddenly the feminist in you leaves as his big, thick fingers ram into you faster than ever, and you start squealing like the slut you are for your incredibly hot boyfriend who’s equally as much of a slut for you, judging based on the rock hard erection against your thigh. Take that, Linda.
You’re in a daze of pleasure, too fucked out to notice Gojo wrenching down his sweats to pull out his throbbing cock, to pump it to full mast. It’s only when he rips his finger away from your cavern that you start to whimper, clawing at his arms to continue fingering you.
And he starts cooing, giving you a small kiss on your cheek as he aligns his dick with your pussy. “I know baby, I know,” and he groans as the soft, wet heat of your pussy grips on him hard as he pushes in. It’s not long before he starts thrusting, wiping your tears while driving in even faster. “Wow, good fucking pussy.”
“Satoru,” you whine, but you don’t even know for what. You were close enough when he was fingering you, but now you’re steadily approaching your climax. But Satoru, who’s attuned to what your body needs, readjusts himself to go even deeper.
It’s when you gasp loudly that a glint lights up in his eyes. “That’s the spot, isn’t it?” He drives into that spot like a jackhammer, savoring in your little squeals and moans of his name, until finally, he feels you climax.
“Oh my god,” you says breathlessly as your orgasm takes over you, convulsing while Satoru doesn’t let up, continuing his pace until his hips become more sloppy. After a few off rhythm thrusts, he comes in you, collapsing on top of you.
He’s breathing heavily from exertion, and you run your nails on his back and hair gently. You both bask in the glow of your orgasm. Of course, that is until Satoru perks his head up. “Do you think I can eat that kid Martin’s cookie? Megumi told me he doesn’t like him and that he’s annoying—-OWWW, what was that for?”
#aashi writes#gojo x reader#Gojo smut#gojo x you#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#gojo Satoru x you#gojo Satoru x reader#gojo Satoru smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk#jjk fic#jujutsu kaisen#gojo Satoru#gojo
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The JJK men as your boyfriend: their likes
Gojo - Likes being the first thing you see in the morning
You’re deep in sleep, snoozing life away, when you feel something tickle your nose. Heavy eyes opening ever so slightly, a frown grazes your lips. Satoru’s holding a feather in front of your face. Lying on his side with his head propped up by his arm, you almost resist the urge to shove him off the bed.
“Morning, pretty lady.”
He’s got a shit-eating grin. The kind that tells you he’s been doing this for a while, anticipating, with little patience, your reaction and boy oh boy are you living up to it.
“What the fuck, Toru?” You croak. “Why?”
Shrugging, he tickles your nose one more time before you snatch the feather and throw it in his face. It just skims his skin ever so slightly and you both watch the damn thing flutter so gracefully down onto the sheets. His grin widens. “You were snoring and I’ve been up for ages so I wanted to wake you, duh.”
“Why the fucking feather? Why not just call out my name like a normal person?”
A peck lands on your nose and you wrinkle it. He pouts.
“Because it’s sensual and intimate.”
Well, that answers none of your questions. Despite yourself, you nuzzle against his chest, thumping your forehead against his heart. In turn, he wraps a solid arm around you. “I was having a good dream.”
“Yeah? I had a good dream too. Tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine; whoever had the lamer dream cooks breakfast,” he mutters against your hair. “And just to warn you, baby, my dream had dragons.”
Rolling your eyes, you fire back, “Dragons are so lame. My dream had unicorns and aliens.”
“Unicorns and aliens? Well then, I should get started on the eggs, shouldn’t I?”
Geto - Likes to have you with him wherever he goes
“Are you sure I should be here?”
A cult-meeting’s in progress and you’re sat, rather comfortably, on Suguru’s lap. All eyes are on you. You feel the heat of every stare and glare, and you can do nothing but take it. They don’t want you here. They think you’re a distraction, a pretty little thing, sure, but also a symbol of mockery to their cause. You grimace.
Your boyfriend, on the other hand, seems to think all is well. His chin rests on top of your head and he holds you in place the way one holds a cat firmly in their arms — he even pets you here and there like you’re genuinely soothing him.
“Of course,” he reassures you. “You can be wherever you want to be and no one can say a thing about it. Isn’t that right?”
The hall is filled with a cacophony of agreements from every follower; none of them would ever want to get on his bad side, after all. And you won’t lie: it is quite nice to be involved.
Nothing could ever feel wrong when he’s holding you so good. Warm, firm and smelling like home, there really isn’t anywhere you’d rather be than by him, or rather on him. He lays a kiss on your shoulder and cheek sporadically through the duration of the meeting, whenever he needs a reminder of what he’s doing this all for and what he’ll get to reward himself with after.
“Thank you, pretty girl,” he whispers in your ear.
Leaning into his embrace, head resting on his shoulder, you smile, even as everyone can do nothing but watch. Sometimes you needed to remind Suguru that your love is unconditional, that he needn’t work for it, that by virtue of him being who he is, you love him more than anything. You’re more than happy to remind him as often as he needs, of course, but one can’t help but wish he would always know and never doubt it.
Choso - Likes being praised
Staring at you with wide, expectant eyes, your boyfriend fiddles with a lock of his hair. “I threw out the trash.”
You look up from your book to spare him a glance. “Oh?”
“Yeah! And I also cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed the carpet.”
“That’s nice.”
Hearing, rather than seeing, his heart plummet to the ground and rest six feet under, you know he’s about to start hyperventilating. Choso has a penchant for overreacting; a sad scene appears on TV and he’s sobbing, someone bumps into you and he’s rolling his sleeves, and when you don’t reward him?
Oh, he’s already thinking of what boxes to put his things in.
Clearing his throat, he tries again and, with a much more transparently hurt tone, wonders, “Did I do something to upset you?”
“Hmm?” You flick to the next page. “Not really.”
Then, sensing you’re not going to cave any time soon, he gets up and gathers a broom. He’s brushing the floor with much more gusto, exaggerated movements and grunts of exhaustion. You suppose you really shouldn’t be so mean, but he makes it so easy — the man wears his heart on his sleeve.
A devastated expression meets your gaze over the book and you sigh. “Alright, alright. Thank you for working so hard, Cho. You’ve done a great job and I’m proud of you. Come and give me a kiss.”
The broom falls with a thud and then you’re being pinned to the sofa by a heavy body. He kisses your face all over, missing your lips much more often than he’d like but he’s laughing against your skin. You laugh too, book set aside carefully.
“Can I show you the little swan I folded out of a towel? I named it after you!”
Yeah, this time he’s looking for much more than a kiss. Clever boy.
Toji - Likes to be alone with you
“Let’s get outta here already,” he growls.
The big guy’s been bothering you since you two got to the bar. He moaned about how crowded it is, how dim the lights are, and how ‘these pricks’ are ‘dumb as hell’ and he hopes ‘they get ran over.’
You’ve smacked him so many times, warning him to ‘shut the fuck up,’ that your hand is actually hurting. Each time, he would just roll his eyes and then grab the back of your head, smashing his lips onto yours, shoving his tongue inside to get a taste of you, and then letting go to gulp a whole pint of beer.
“Toji, we’ve been here twenty minutes.”
He shoots you a look that says, ‘So?’
Hands wandering, you shake out of his grip and embrace a friend. For ten minutes, you leave him leaning against a wall with a dark air about him, intimidating the other patrons so much so that, when passing him, they leave a wide berth and speed-walk.
You sigh. He’s being really well-behaved and you know it’s because he knows how much you’ve been looking forward to catching up with friends from all over town. So, he grips his glass, threatening to shatter the damn thing, and keeps his mouth shut.
But you also feel restless. You too want to go home.
Strolling up to your man, he opens his arms out and you slot into him like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Then, pecking his prickly chin, you concede, “Okay, Toji baby, let’s go home.”
You’re picked up and snatched away into the cold of the night faster than you, or anyone else in the bar, can process.
“About fucking time, ma. God, had me wanting to blow my head out.”
He takes you home, stripping you of your filthy outside clothes and throws you onto the bed, climbing up your naked body, laying kisses here and there, and then…slumps on top of you. The deep, satisfied groan that comes from him vibrates against your ribcage and you don’t bother telling him off for stealing your breath.
“That’s more like it,” he whispers against your neck. “Good to be home.”
Nanami - Likes pampering you (he gets husband status automatically)
Lying down on the sofa with a cold face mask, watching TV and eating popcorn on a Friday night with your hunk of a husband is what life is all about.
You’ve got your feet on his lap and he’s massaging the hell out of them. He’s got the hands of an angel, you swear. “Oh, God, Ken. That’s perfect. Ngh! Yes, right there, oh! Uh, yes, yes, yessss, so good. So so sooooo good.”
He chuckles. Glasses off and wet hair pushed back, he’s the poster picture of a house-husband, especially with the matching face mask and pyjamas on him. Continuing his ministrations, he warns, “Sweetheart, I’m glad I have the potential to quit my day job and be a masseuse, but you really should hold off on those pornographic sounds.”
“Behave, Kento. I’m trying to watch my show.”
Pressing hard on a particular knot, you gasp. His innocent smile is too cute to get mad at. And when he playfully scolds, “It’s you who should behave, honey.”
“Ah! Ow, Ken!”
The bastard’s bitten your big toe. He actually bit you. Pulling your feet away from him and his rumbling laughter, you sit criss-crossed on the sofa, protesting against him.
“Oh, sweetheart. Don’t be mad at me. I just couldn’t help myself,” he confesses in between chuckles. Hands reach for you, manoeuvring you with expert skill and wondrous strength onto his lap. From here, he massages your shoulders instead, thumb rubbing out the tension in your shoulder blades. “Instead of this show, why don’t we lay down some towels on the bed and have a full body massage, hmm? I’ll get the candles — the ones you like. How does that sound, darling?”
Your husband isn’t just sexy; he’s a sweet-talker. “Won’t you be tired from all this massaging? I think I should be massaging you, if anything.”
With your hand in his, he lifts it and lays a gentle kiss on the cold band on your finger. Sincerity lacing every word, he promises, “Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy. So be a good wife and let me spoil you.”
Sukuna - Likes enabling you
“And then she shoved me! She actually shoved me. Can you believe that?”
The King hums, fingers playing with a lock of your hair.
“She’s got an ugly soul, Kuna. Mark my words. That woman is gonna end up in the bad place and even the devil will turn his nose up at her.”
You’re in the garden, head laid on his lap as you both lounge on a wooden bench he had built for you after you complained about needing a place to sit. For, what seems to be, hours now, you’ve been complaining about some girl you know.
“Like, who does she think she is? Seriously. She’s deranged.” It’s petty drama, you know that, and so does he, but the anger in your face and in your movements suggests otherwise. But even though you’re making a fuss over practically nothing, he doesn’t interrupt. “I should totally throw her over a building.”
“You should.”
“Yeah and then sh— what?”
Disbelief sparkling in your eyes, you question him silently. He shrugs, lightly tugging your hair and says, “You should throw that wench out of a building. Throw her out of a window on our estate, if it pleases you.”
You forgot who you’re speaking to; you should have known better than to assume he’d say something remotely normal. One could even say he’s joking, but you know he’s not. Nothing about the bloodlust swirling in those compelling eyes could ever be taken as a joke.
Sighing, your animated arms fall onto your torso. “No, Sukuna. I can’t just do that. Don’t be silly. Sure, she was horrible, but she’s not that bad. Maybe she was having a terrible day.”
“Be that as it may, I think it would do you wonders to alleviate your anger the way I do: with revenge of the most violent kind. You need not defenestrate her. You can stab her till the light leaves her eyes or you can operate a vehicle that will trample all over her — oh, that is a good one; you can really feel the crunching of bones.”
Sitting up, you peck him on his cheek, smiling at his bewildered expression. “You’re insane but so cute, y’know?”
He frowns.
“I am not insane.”
#Jjk x reader#jjk fic#Jjk fluff#Gojo x reader#Gojo fluff#Geto x reader#Geto fluff#Choso x reader#Choso fluff#Toji x reader#Toji fluff#Nanami x reader#Nanami fluff#Sukuna x reader#Sukuna fluff#jjk oneshot#gojo fic#gojo onehot#geto fic#geto oneshot#choso fic#choso oneshot#toji fic#toji oneshot#nanami oneshot#nanami fic#Sukuna fic#sukuna oneshot#jjk crack
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raw
lando norris
tags: smut/pwp, unprotected/unsafe sex, half-assed pull out method, doggy style, back shots, friends-to-lovers, best friend!lando
lando had to be dreaming. the type of dream he didn't want to wake-up from. he would much rather be here than anywhere else right now. especially as you crossed your arms, letting the mclaren logo stretch across your pretty tits.
the tits that lando had been eyeing for years now. you were his best friend since childhood and now you were in your hotel room for the evening after silverstone with a single request for the grand prix's winner.
fuck me. and fuck me raw. lando had to be dreaming.
you uncrossed your arms and leaned back on the bed with your arms stretched behind you. you gazed up at him. the face of your best friend, the one who knew you better than anyone else. and after years of skirting around the issue, you finally found your words and asked him. and he looked you dumbfounded.
"you? me?" he said as he tried to process your words. you felt a tightness in your chest at the anxiety that was eating you up inside. you didn't know what to say or do.
"am i speaking french, lando? i want to have sex with you, it's about time we resolve this tension. it's been going on for over ten years." you said as you maintained eye contact with him. you felt a little bad for not being the most romantic.
it was hard for you to admit. your entire life you stood firm on the fact that men and women could be friends without any complications! and while you still felt that, you also found yourself with complicated feelings for lando. so, with all the bravery you could muster, you asked for sex.
he shifted from one foot to another, "i don't know how to respond... i mean i do. i just don't wanna sound like a pervert." he chuckled nervously and you only grew warmer in your face.
"do you want me, norris?"
he took his hands out of the pockets of his joggers and cupped his barely hidden erection. he gave you a gentle smile as he said, "i do. i do want you, you've been the subject of my fantasies for a long, long time." and started to take his shirt off.
you did the same, slowly revealing more skin to one another. you felt excitement race up you and you couldn't help yourself. you rubbed your thighs together and felt your pulse pick up.
"lando."
"i know, babe. i know." he chuckled as he got into bed with you. he got his boxers off before he was completely nude, his hands trailed across your body in a manner that left you excited all over.
if your friends knew what you two were doing tonight, hell even your own families, you knew that there would be exchanging high-fives and possibly money over bets made ages ago.
"may i?" he asked as he leaned in closer.
you leaned in to meet the distance and kissed him on the lips. soft as you imagined and his hands only held onto you in a way that made you shudder under him. you moaned into the kiss as he rubbed up against you.
"you tell me if anything goes wrong, okay? don't hide from me." he said, "one thing i hate when it comes to sex, no communication. i want to make my best friend feel good."
you looped your arms around his neck and pressed your chest against his, "i have a feel after tonight we're not going to be best friends."
lando replied, "well, you'll always be my best friend. you'll just also be my girlfriend." then winked before he went in for another kiss. it grew heated and his touches grew more bold.
you looked at him and he smiled down at you. he cupped your cheek while you held him close. it felt right to be this way, to be so close. you kissed him once more and he exhaled deeply against your lips. you two fit perfectly together, just as you always did.
"you want it raw?"
"yes."
"i'll pull out, alright? gotta play it a little safe." he kissed the apple of your cheek before you ended up on your stomach. he hiked you hips up letting your back curve as he pressed himself against you. now on his knees and his cock at full attention.
you looked amazing, beyond amazing. a certain type of beautiful that when lando sank into you wet cunt, he felt the race of excitement through his body. he held onto your hips and carefully inched himself into you. he moaned a little louder, the feeling was intense, there was nothing else he could compare it to you. you were unlike anyone else he had ever slept with. it was different because you two were so close, you shared everything. now you were sharing a night of heated passion.
he admired your backside as he rocked against you. his hand trailed down your back and he loomed over you. you felt amazing, you left a certain want in the back of his throat as he moved against you. lifelong friends, partners through and through. now lovers in bed together, moving together in a heated ecstasy. you both wanted each other, it was painfully obvious.
"you feel amazing." he said softly, "really amazing."
"glad i have a glowing review from lando norris." you chuckled lightly as you held onto the covers under you, your back arched a little more as he hit all the right spots, "can i put that on my tinder profile?"
he pushed you further down onto the bed by the shoulders and moved against you faster, "no way. because you're not going on tinder." he kissed the center of your back as he held you, "because you're my girl now. how does that sound? no more lackluster tinder dates and finally being with the guy you had a crush on for years." then laid another sweet kiss on your heated skin.
you felt the stimulation, your brain felt a little hazy. you moaned a little bit and tensed up for a moment. you panted, "fucking hell, lando. always a way with words." you looked over your shoulder at him as he thrusted against you, "got us into trouble and out of trouble over the words."
he gave you a wicked grin and replied, "oh yeah, and you love it," then pressed into you further. hands on your hips once more as he worked himself against you. the pleasure was zaps in his blood and the feeling was immense.
this was his best friend, and maybe years of pining left him feeling desperate for you. he spent years trying to find you in other people. turned out the whole time he just could have had you. and that made him feel a flutter of love in his chest.
"you feel amazing." he said softly, "better than i could ever imagine. you spoil me, honey." he chuckled lowly as he kissed the shell of your ear as he continued to move against you a little faster.
"fuck, lando." you exhaled deeply, paired with a soft whine as his cock hit against all the right areas. it felt good, better than you could imagine yourself. you knew a younger you would be blushing at the idea that you finally got with lando. having sex in a spacious hotel room and letting him just have his way with you. you fit together quite well, it didn't hurt that you were soaked in the process.
achy for sex. achy for him. you were needy for the sexual pleasure between the two of you. like two magnets drawn together no matter the distance. you were his best friend, and now his lover. his girl.
you moaned a little louder as the pleasure started to reach its peak inside of you. you held onto the covers under you and arched your back a little further. you cursed into the covers and the sight of you was beautiful. to come completely apart under his touch.
"beautiful." he said softly.
"fuck, lando." you shuddered and was met with a hard pat on your behind. the feeling of his hands on you, "you better fucking pull out or i'm gonna kill you."
"of course, of course.' he cooed, "save the kids for after marriage." his tone was cheeky and your pussy clenched around him. he chuckled and leaned up against your ear, "cute." and you whined.
his quickened his pace and he felt the hunger for you in his core. he couldn't believe it. part of him believed that he got hit in the head on the track and this was a fantasy of his. but, hey, if he was currently in the hospital with a goose egg on his head from being hit and this was what his rattled brain could come up with. then who was he to deny it. especially when you felt so good under him.
you tensed up around him once more and gasped against the covers. your eyes squeezed shut as you let out such a sweet moan. you shuddered as you felt yourself reach your orgasm, "fuck." even swears sounded heavenly on your lips.
he remembered trading pokemon cards with you, the time you watched him kart and cheered the loudest out of everyone. the times together, the totally platonic sleepovers. everything, fuck. to have you now, not as a friend but as a lover. that was everything to him.
you climaxed and it only pushed lando further. he pushed right up into you and made you near scream from the sensation. you two moved against each other roughly. but lando had to keep a sense of control or else he was going to finish inside of you.
"that's it. baby, that's it. fucking perfect for me.' his voice heavy with lust and it made your head throb. your cursed into the covers and lando fucked you harder, "next time i'm gonna make you finish twice. burn out your brain." he kissed your cheek, "perfect girl deserves all the orgasms she wants."
"flirt." you whined, face shoved into the covers, which only made lando laugh.
"glad you finally picked up on it, after fifteen years as friends." he thrusted into you a few more times before he pulled himself out and rapidly jerked off his cock against your back. it wasn't the same as the what of your cunt, but it would have to do. his pants were heavy as he said, "that's it, baby. fuck, look at you. you have driven me crazy my entire life. no one else can compare to you."
you laid there panting, your core swamped with wetness and your back curved to let him paint your back with his cum. you whined when you felt the splash of his cum against your backside.
"fuck." his voice was guttural, his breathing heavy and his eyes near rolled back into his head as he came across your hot skin. he felt sparks in his brain and could barely form a coherent thought as he came.
when it was all said and done, he rested fully on his heels, his cock limp between his legs. he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and exhaled deeply.
you laid there, not wanting to get cum all over the sheets. as the temperature in the room cooled, you lifted your head a little and said, "lando... can you help me clean up?"
and your best friend turned lover woke back up from his sexual trance and said, "oh, of course! yeah!" then quickly went to find a towel in the bathroom.
you knew you'd had to have a conversation about what you were now. but with butterflies in your stomach you knew you wouldn't be walking out of your hotel room without a lando as your boyfriend <3
#bunny writes#reader insert#formula 1#formula one imagine#f1 smut#formula one smut#formula one fanfiction#f1 x reader#formula one#lando norris x reader#lando norris fanfic#lando norris imagine#lando norris#lando norris smut#ln4 smut#ln4 imagine#ln4 x reader#ln4 fic#ln4 mcl#ln4
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GOOD FOR THE HEART
country! vi x reader fluff, angst, smut (18+), slow(?)burn, wc. 13.6k
synopsis: an intimate bond forms between an ill farmer's daughter, desperate for a taste of the outside world, and the helpful part-timing cowgirl at the farm. OR vi wants you bad, and what better way to get to know you than sneak you around town?
content warnings: illness, NOT read over, foul language, smut so mdni/18+, fingering r!receiving, controlling parent, health worries, fainting, slight insecurity, emotional rollercoaster but a fun one!!
soundtrack: my girl (the temptations) | our love (curtis harding + jazmine sullivan) | | we’ll never have sex (leith ross) | pillow (malcolm todd) | close to you (carpenters) | not a lot, just forever (adrianne lenker) | cool about it (boygenius) | pancakes for dinner (lizzy mcalpine)(this sounds sm like vi to me) | kiss me (sixpence none the richer) | i bet on losing dogs (mitski) aftercare (listen post-fic): force of nature (lizzy mcalpine)
Vi could strip naked right here, right now.
And with her well known spontaneous personality, she would. Especially under the hundred degree heat that preys upon her and forces the girl’s freckled skin to glisten. But a: she’s with her siblings (enough said), and b: she’s working outdoors at the Laurier’s farm. Meaning only a handful of yards away, tucked in that blue, yellow, and white idyllic house covered with blooming botanical life, stands Mr. Laurier’s orphic daughter.
That’s all Violet’s ever heard about you, from children playing on the street to adults roaming the town shops. Ever since her adoptive father suggested she take this summer job before she goes back to focusing on her college work. Ever since her siblings and family friend jumped to tag along after Mr. Laurier decided ‘the more the merrier’.
All that’s been filling Violet Lane's ears is information about you, or, the lack thereof. How you’re always locked up in that big residence. How you used to roam the town just like any other little rascal until five years ago, at the age of thirteen, when something out of her knowledge occurred. How stunning you look in a sundress. She tried to block that one out.
“Why is it that Mylo’s drivin’ the tractor and not me?” Powder complains, pulling her clenched hand from the bag of chicken feed and tossing it on the ground for the horde to gobble.
“Last time you tried to drive something I started praying.” Ekko throws out. His bun shaped hair bobbles as he finally pulls that one stubborn carrot from the ground and places it in the basket.
“Besides Pow,” Violet starts, lifting a heavy brown box onto her shoulder and cradling it with just one arm. “You’re doin’ fine taking care of the animals. Mylo would be scaring them to death.” The pink haired girl sighed out, looking around.
Her gaze landed on the decorated porch, and she pursued. Vi set the last of the boxes down with a soft grunt before straightening her back and lifting her arms, clasped at the fingers, over her head to get a well-deserved stretch.
The worker’s completely regretting her chosen position as the door swings open, and she looks heaven right in the eyes.
You stand there in a white lace sundress covered in a juicy red pattern of cherries, a smile sweet enough to give a sugar high plastered on your stunning face. Vi’s gaze flickers down to your feet covered by red country boots. Above those are your soft looking hands holding a gift basket. When she’s done examining you, her blue-gray eyes trail their way back to yours– and it’s like whiplash. Once again, she’s blinded by those pearly whites and the tasty perfume radiating off of you. God help me, is the only phrase filling her mind because damn you’re ethereal.
“Hi there, cowgirl.” You’re going to send Vi into cardiac arrest with just your voice. Thankfully, she realizes she needs to respond, and quickly wipes the dopey grin (that she wasn’t aware she had) off of her face.
It’s not like everything is peaches and cream on your end. The girl’s tight white t-shirt is grasping onto her glistening biceps, her pretty bright eyes and the freckles that decorate her nose make her look blessed by the sun, and seeing such a beautiful yet handsome woman in a cowboy hat is doing foreign things to your stomach. ‘Wow’, is all your wandering mind formulates.
“Hi there, miss Laurier,” she copies you in her lower voice, and you notice the slit on her lip as it curls up into a soft smirk. You shake your head at her words with a polite smile, insisting she call you by your name, which you offer up. She repeats it once perfectly, claiming it ‘rolls right off the tongue’, and you crack a smile.
“My father informed me that you’re the new help around here for the summer, so I decided to bake somethin’ for the five of you.” You’re sticking out the basket, decorated with a pink bow on top, for Vi to take. She does and quickly takes a peek inside. Five snickerdoodle cookies and one large cherry pie. You do stay on theme, and so, it starts.
“Thank you, cherry.” she cracks a smile that sends a shock down your body, and gently tips her hat.
Fourteen searing days pass on that farm, days filled with laughter, hard work, and the smell of life from the surrounding plants.
But not for you.
For each of those fourteen days, for the past one thousand eight hundred and twenty-five days, you’ve sat sideways in your window with your back against one side and your legs propped up on the wood. You read, journaled, book pressed flowers (that you had to sneak out front to get), took much needed resting breaks, tended to your pet lamb Daisy, and watched Footloose. Your sock-covered feet subtly shuffled side to side as if you were mimicking their dance moves in your head.
Vi watched as you sat there all those days in your open window. Half of your body out in the fresh air and half cooped back up inside like the past five years of your life. It was as if you yearned to experience life completely outside the window, but you couldn’t. And so, you completed your daily activities the furthest away you could get.
Until your eighteenth birthday came along.
“Lord, can you focus instead of stalking your ‘cherry’,” Ekko mimics the pinkett’s voice with the last two words, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.
“Bet she wants to pop her cherry.” Mylo snickers at his own joke, earning a slap to the nape from Claggor.
“Last warning Mylo. Don’t talk about her like that.” she replies firmly, furrowed brows making a little scowl.
Claggor shakes his head softly, letting the tension between his siblings diffuse before speaking. “You know, you should do something other than just stare at her all day. It’s getting sad.”
“Like?” the cowgirl responds with crossed arms.
“Ask her to hang out, obviously.” Powder pipes up, petting a sheep as she prepares to guide it inside the barn. “She’s always lookin’ so lonely. Swear the only time she smiled this past week was when you complimented her on those blackberry muffins she baked us.”
“You know she’s not supposed to come out, Laurier said so. Pretty sure that’s why she stays upstairs, can’t even come out on the porch when we’re here no more.” Violet huffs.
“You think he thinks we’re a bad influence on her?” Ekko ask in confusion. Because truth be told, no one knew why you stayed locked up in that bright house, like a princess trapped in a tower. People knew better than to ask your father, and of course, they couldn’t get to you. Maybe it was time for someone to be your knight in shining armor.
“Doesn’t matter, he’s not even here right now.” Mylo insists.
So, after a long back and forth conversation of weighing the possibilities, Violet’s shoved over to the shrubs in front of your second story window. You notice her when she’s there (you’ve been sneaking glances at her every so often), shifting your position so that you can look down on her as she calls out your name.
“Afternoon, cowgirl,” you coo, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.
“Hey there, angel,” she simply replies with that signature smile, and your hands clench the frame you’re leaning on a bit tighter. “We’re done with the chores for today.”
“Oh. Well, get home safely.” you hum, eyes dropping in what Vi hopes is discontent, because her next words will cheer you right up.
“Actually, we’re not headed home just yet. The five of us are headed out into the woods over there for a little.. chat." The glowing sunlight illuminates her face as she nods her head to Mylo, who’s allowing the brown paper bag to peek out of his backpack and into your vision. Alcohol. “Would you wanna come with us? Won’t take up too much of your time, I promise.” she asks with a cool voice but a pounding, fearful heart.
No.
Or at least, that’s what you were supposed to say. It’s what you’d normally say. As much as your ill heart ached to connect with others, as much as you wanted to venture out of your home, as much as this strawberry-haired helper made you want to explore new things you’d only ever seen in movies, your answer always had to be no.
But, unbeknownst to the others, today was your birthday. You had cautiously lived another year, and instead of feeling fulfilled, you only wonder how many you have left.
You wanted to live, not survive.
You stared in contemplation before backing up, shutting the window and rushing out of the girl’s sight.
Vi dropped her head down to the shrubs in front of her. It’s over. She blew it.
“You scared her!” Ekko teased, making the girl whip her head around to show an angry stare. But the displeased expression faded faster than it formed when the creaking of that back door met her ears, and Powder gasped in joy and disbelief.
“Lead the way.”
The walk along the trail of the woods to a more secluded area with cut wood stumps as seats was anything but quiet. Powder was talking your ear off about everything mechanic she worked on, treating you like you were from the middle ages rather than just sheltered. Claggor and Mylo were leading, causing the group numerous wrong turns and unplanned ‘shortcuts’ (they’d gotten lost along the way). Vi walked with Ekko on her left, quietly pumping her up and giving her the confidence she’d need to ‘make her move’.
But despite the various noises, she couldn’t hear anything. Because strolling to her right was you, the girl she’s been infatuated with since first glance. She’s trying to be discreet, examining the way your hair falls, your scent, the way you press your lips together in thought before answering a question. It took the platinum blonde boy next to her elbowing her side before she came back to the real world.
“I call first sip,” Powder squeaks, to which Violet scoffs, making a quip about how she’s only sixteen and scolding anyone who attempts to offer her the bottle. The bluenette brings up the fact that the others aren’t even the legal drinking age either, but it’s shut down because ‘an adult is an adult’.
“We’ll bring a juice box for you next time.” Mylo smirks, taking a long drag from the bag before offering it out to you.
Despite the soft urge, you shake your head, because you know your limits. Your heart’s limits. Despite the fact that you’re ignoring the sweatiness of your palms and feeble limbs.
Mylo hums. “Two juice boxes, then.”
“Mylo–” Vi scolds, finally coming out of her trance.
But her anger is cut short at the sound of a hearty chuckle coming from your mouth. And it’s the first time Vi’s ever heard you laugh. Genuinely laugh. It’s enough to bring stars to her already-bright eyes.
The conversation continues as the sun and clouds pass by. Eventually, the others are in a heated debate about the best character in some film you’ve never heard of, leaving you and Violet to shyly shift your attention towards each other.
“I’m glad you came. I noticed you.. don’t get out much?” Her tone is the gentlest it’s ever been.
“I’m glad you invited me.” You easily avert her indirect question. It eats you alive, the want to tell her everything about you. How you have a “bad heart” as your father gently put it, and now you live your days mundanely so as to not risk triggering anything fatal. But the desire to live just one day in normalcy is stronger, and so you change topics.
“You have very big muscles. I like them. Is that why you do most of the lifting things rather than herding cattle and such, like other cowgirls?”
Vi feels her cheeks get toasty at the compliment and your almost-awkward forwardness. But you can’t help it, you’ve hardly had conversations with anyone but your father the past few years, let alone a handsome girl so close in age. It doesn’t matter much though, because Vi loves it.
“Not a real cowgirl. I’m only good for lifting what others can’t.” She chuckles a bit. “I just happen to own a horse— and I wear the hat of course… maybe the belt’s a little cowgirl-like too, but that’s all.”
You smirk because that makes her a cowgirl in your book, but you politely hum and say nothing.
The girl shifts her position to turn towards you more, and you swear your heart stops when one of her manspread knees leans against your crossed ones and makes no attempt to move. She examines your behavior, and when she sees the ghost of a smile on your lips, she leans on her opened legs slightly to get more comfortable.
“So what do y’ do in that big house all day, angel? Must get lonely.”
These nicknames are doing terribly good things to you.
You hum. She’s completely correct, but the last thing you want is for her to pity you. “Bake a lot, shop in the catalogs, watch movies, write in my books.” You shrug. “Oh, and I take care of my Daisy girl.” A smile graces your perfect lips.
“That your dog? Never seen her around,” she asked with questioning brows.
“No,” you giggle, sending Vi into heaven. So beautiful. “It’s my lamb.”
A beat passes before she responds, a glint in her eye. “So I should be calling you Bo Peep?” she jokes.
You laugh, knocking your knees against hers in playful scolding. Simple words, simple touches, a simple gathering that may be day to day life for anyone else in the town. But for you, this was the best thing to happen in years.
“Daisy’s a sweet name, matches her sweetheart of an owner.” she compliments you, and you graze your hand over your heart because you can’t decipher why it’s speeding up. “We sound real rugged compared to you. Our dog’s name is Rusty. Powder ch–”
“Hey!”
A deep, raspy voice calls out from behind you. A few of you whip your heads around to see the source of the noise, whereas others stand out of shock as the man comes into your sight. “What are y’all doing on my property? Get over here!” He’s moving quickly towards the group, and Ekko’s the first to move his feet.
“Time to go,” Vi says hastily, standing. Without thinking, she takes your hands and pulls you to a stand. “You a good runner?”
No. I don’t know. I haven’t had anywhere to run in years.
That’s what you should’ve said, but as stated earlier, a life of normalcy for today. And so, you lie.
“Sure– yes, yes.”
Vi nods at that, tightening her grasp on one of your hands as she rushes to exit along with the others. Your hands stay intertwined as the pair of you dash through the greenery, avoiding unfriendly hanging branches, jumping over logs, and ducking under leaves.
You’re terrified. The same glistening sweat that forms in your clammy hands makes another appearance on your forehead. A prickle crawls its way up your throat, and suddenly you’re hacking into your elbow as the cowgirl guides you close to her body while you near the edge of the woods. Your little red problem pounds against your chest as if it’s begging you to stop, to give up before it does, but you can’t.
The man moves quickly, but he’s no match for adolescents of the countryside. By the time you reach the fields of your farm, he’s nowhere to be found.
Powder’s hollering and cheers of victory sound broken, doubling and distilled, coupled with a soft ringing sound and pressure around your head that only grows the longer you stand. The only thing you can hear clearly is your quick panting. That deep red blood is draining from your head and blazing heat is left in its place.
A blurry and distant Violet comes into your impaired vision, and you feel the soft sensation of her cupping your face with worried hands. “Cherry?”
Your mind’s swirling with thousands of sensations, and your terrified breaths grow increasingly shallow until you can’t fight to stay awake any longer, falling into the arms of Vi. There’s yelling, someone scooping you up into their protective arms, orders being thrown around as you’re rushed towards the house, then silence. Complete and utter silence.
The female lead is on your screen twirling and rolling her hips with glee for the third time this week, and you wonder if you'll get a chance to dance like that.
It’d been three days since you fainted after running from the farmer down the trail, three days since you’ve seen Violet (or any of the farm helpers), and three days since you’ve felt that inexplicable warmth in the pit of your stomach.
While you rendered unconscious, Vi and the others scrambled to get your limp body inside. They laid you out on your bed, arguing about whether or not to call for help, because they had no clue what was wrong with you.
Of course, you woke up a couple minutes later as you always do. You were confused and terrified, but strictly instructed to rest by the friends who promised they’d stay until your father arrived. Fatigued even more than normal, you complied.
When your father arrived home an hour later, he stumbled upon Powder placing an ice pack on your sleeping head, Claggor and Mylo pacing the room in worry, Ekko attempting to research what exactly would have caused your current state, and Violet looking sick to her stomach as she cradled your soft hands in her rough ones; praying to whoever’s up there that you’d be fine.
Needless to say, once they’d confessed to leaving for the woods and running back (leaving out every bit alcohol related), he’d been beyond furious, placing you on total lockdown for recovery and demanding the helpers avoid the farm for a couple of days. After you’d gotten your medication in you and recovered after a full day of rest, he chewed you out too. ‘You know I’m just trying to keep you safe.’
But you didn’t want safe anymore, you wanted life.
And Violet walked right through your front door. Literally.
The pinkette runs a hand through her fluffy hair before securing the cowboy hat back on her head. Her eyes are searching the house for the kitchen when they land on you, and a wave of relief washes over her.
“Hi, angel.”
Your heart speeds up, and this time, you don’t need to question it.
“Hi Violet,” you coo shyly, standing from your comfy position on the couch and making your way over to her, hands clasped behind your back.
She wastes no time cradling your face in her calloused fingers, the pair of your soft breaths filling the silence as the girl looks over you, finishing her personal assessment before swiping a thumb across your cheek in gentle comfort.
“I was so worried about you,” the whisper fell from her lips without shame.
“I’m fine, really.” you speak in the same tone, leaning into her sweet hand.
“No, you’re not.” That catches you off guard. “When your father saw what happened he panicked, said something about your heart and thought you were…” she let your mind fill the blank with a glint of pain in her blue-gray eyes. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?”
Your eyes drop to the floor, and before you have time to think about it, you speak. “I’m sick. The bad kind of sick that doesn’t just go away after a couple days.” you can’t look her in the eyes as you speak, just placing a finger to your chest. “I have a ‘bad heart’, as my father puts it. Don’t have a lot of energy, can’t do much without getting too overwhelmed, dizzy spells and such..”
You expect to see a crack in Vi’s sweet eyes, a sign of distaste, of regret for caring about a broken girl, but her gaze only softens and a tender hand moves a piece of hair from your face.
“That why you’re cooped up in here?” she asks, even though she knows the answer. You nod.
It’s silent for some time, and the two of you enjoy the other’s presence in such a milestone moment.
“I have somethin’ for the five of you,” you finally speak, pulling from her affectionate grasp. She nods, wiping the worry she feels in the pit of her stomach away so that she can be there for you. You stroll into the kitchen with the cowgirl behind you, opening and rummaging around the fridge as she takes a needed seat at the marble island.
She looks over your attire. A big bright red sweater hangs off your shoulders that covers your shorts, and a white bow in your hair that brings a smile back to her face.
You turn back around, setting down a tiffany blue cupcake platter and perfectly made white-frosted cupcakes with a purple design in the middle. You then pull out some tupperware, transferring cupcakes into it as Vi speaks.
“They’re Violets,” she says in surprise and you giggle, only nodding your head.
Marry me she thinks, before coming up with something more plausible to say. “Is this what you’re studying in college? You're gonna be a chef or somethin’ angel?”
You pause before barely shaking your head. “Not goin’ to college this year.. my father says I need a gap year before ‘making any big decisions’,” you scoff, because the truth is he just can’t let you go. “Worries me though. He won’t go out and buy me any textbooks or anything, I’m gonna go stupid.” you whine.
Vi presses her lips together, clearly sharing your discontent with the situation.
“Well, I know you’ll do great when you go. There’s already a strong brain in that pretty head of yours,” she grins.
A smile forms against your will as you look up at the girl.
“You think I’m pretty, Violet?’
She responds quickly, like the words spilled out of her heart rather than being formulated in her head. “I think you’re gorgeous. Whoever’s up there took their time making you.”
Comfortable silence ensues as the room’s filled with pounding hearts and warm faces of passion. Finally, you finish packing up Vi’s cupcakes and place the box in front of her. She thanks you, looking to the side in thought before an idea flickers across her face.
The girl rises, lifting the hat from her head and leaning over the marble to place it atop your surprised head. She doesn’t wait for your reaction as she picks up the cupcake box and a wooden crate from the ground (what she should’ve been doing in the first place). “Keep that safe for me until tomorrow, cherry.”
“But isn’t tomorrow your day off?” you ask, flicking the front of the hat so it’s above your eyes.
“Yeah. I’m coming to see you tomorrow.”
The sun couldn’t set and rise fast enough.
You waited in so much anticipation that you woke up an hour earlier, practically shoved your father out of the house with his breakfast, and spent any extra time at a mirror fixing an out of place hair or switching your outfit for the fifth time.
You don’t know why you do– why you care so much. But before you can think too hard on it, the sound of someone pulling into your driveway blesses your ears and there’s six soft knocks at the front door.
And so it starts with you and Vi seated on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. Your backs lean against the lower portion of the soft matter, and Vi pulls out a book. Four books, to be exact. One for each core subject.
You furrowed your brows in confusion, looking from the pile of literature to the fluffy haired girl.
“I was thinkin’ I'd bring some textbooks to you since you can’t get ‘em yourself. I’m in my second year now so I won’t be needin’ these ones anymore.” She somehow speaks with both suave confidence and warm-faced fear in unison. “We could make it a thing, y’know. Preparing for classes together.”
“Yes!” You speak with starstruck orbs.
Violet laughed with relief, because if she had to be completely honest, that wasn’t the only reason she was here. She didn’t need this time to prepare, maybe a quick refresh before the year started, but she definitely didn’t need to be studying during summer. But if it gave her a chance to connect with you, she’d study until her brain burst.
The helpers’ off days were Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So that’s when Violet would pack her books, hop in her truck, and haul ass to your farm. Each session was the same. You’d start out in comfortable silence reading your separate texts and answering questions or jotting notes down, then Violet would make a stupid joke about a picture in the book or get sidetracked by your bookshelf of dvds in front of her, and minutes later the room would be filled with fits of laughter, fuzzy brains, and your books completely discarded.
“‘Dirty dancing’? Damn cherry, your father know you watch this stuff?” Vi grins, sliding the movie case back into its spot along the brown wooden shelf.
“It’s not that kinda movie, Violet. It’s like.. set in the sixties.” you huff, holding back a smile at her playful words. The pinkette takes her seat next to you on the couch, manspread legs and a cunning smirk just inches away from your face.
“And what exactly is ‘one of those movies’, doll?” she teases.
You scoff.
“I’m sheltered, not stupid.” you play, a soft hand coming up to push against the girl’s arm.
Something flickers across the pinkette’s face before suddenly, she’s on top of you.
You’re pushed onto your back against the plush couch as pure muscle weighs above you, powerful hands swirl at your waist before your laughter fills her ears and your hand shoots out to grab at one of her arms. The pair of you struggle for power, pushing back and forth, twisting bodies, and yelling out competitive quips.
Finally, you smush the palm of your hand against Violet’s face, momentarily stunning her before the stronger girl grabs both of your wrists and pins them right above your head.
Soft panting and awestruck eyes decorate the both of you. The air is tighter, every inch of your body is suddenly aware of your positions, and no words are exchanged as you savor the feeling of her touch. God you feel weak, but you don’t know whether to place the reasoning on Violet or your heart.
Violet’s about to lose it, because with the way your sweet eyes are trailing up her body to her face, her heart is clear.
She wants– no, craves you. Bad.
It’s quiet for a moment longer before Vi clears her throat, reluctantly letting go of your wrists while moving back to stand.
“We deserve a study break.” the cowgirl hums, crouching and examining the lower levels of the bookshelf.
“We haven’t even been studying,” you throw back and fix your skirt while sitting up. Vi finds the record she’s been searching for, pulls it from its sleeve, and adjusts the player.
“Okay smart ass, we deserve a break.” she grins and the stylus hits the circular item.
A soft, sensual song makes its way through the air. It’s older, a woman singing softly about her lover’s perfection, and you warm at the thought of a special someone fantasizing about you to the tune.
Vi stands in the middle of the spacious room, and when you don’t move she waves her arm. “C’mere.”
You stand (a little quicker than you should’ve), and make your way over. She wastes no time, gently moving one of your hands to her shoulder and intertwining fingers with your other. As for your free hand, she tenderly places it on your waist, looking for any discomfort in your face. All she’s met with is big eyes of wonder and god, she’s screwed.
“Just follow my lead.” she’s speaking sensually under the music, thumb rubbing at your waist.
“Oh please, I could dance circles around you.” you quip.
“I’m sure you could, doll. But it’s a slow dance, so we work together.” Your bodies move closer as she speaks, making you smile and lose the sassy attitude for a moment. Just a moment.
Angelic vocals encase the two of you. There are only sounds of that and gentle side steps before you speak once more.
“Did you know it was my birthday?” You stare straight into her eyes.
“Wait, what?”
“The day we went to the woods. Is that why you asked me to come? Because it was my birthday?” you tilt your head.
She blinks twice before huffing a laugh. “No, I didn’t know. This mean I made you faint and get in trouble with your pops as a present?”
You smile to yourself at the coincidence, holding her hand a bit tighter.
“Have you danced with someone like this before?” she asks.
You shake your head before pausing. “Well, once with my mother, but I was very little.”
Vi’s eyes soften a bit more. “Is she..?”
You nod. “It happened when I was eleven. She had the same problem as me, that’s why he’s so protective.” Your voice is soft as you refer to your father. “I understand him, I really do, but I’m just so tired of being separate from the world.”
The girl can only nod, the hand around your waist snakes around to your back and pulls closer until your bodies are almost plush against each other.
“Thank you for trusting me with that,” she whispers. And suddenly, there’s soft giggles. You’re laughing because the tough, suave cowgirl you know can be such a sap.
Your laughter dies down and you shake your head before placing it between the crook of Vi’s neck, softening into your sappy cowgirl. “Talk to me about something good,” you hum.
“I’m takin’ you out on a date Friday.”
Your eyes widen and you pull your head back to look her in the eyes.
She stammers and mentally groans because you’re the only one who could ever make Violet Lane stammer. “Well– if you say yes.”
No.
That’s what you’re supposed to say, and what you should say. Not because of your father’s influence, not for your safety, but because you’re afraid. Afraid of the trouble you could get Vi into, of dealing with the unknown, but most importantly you were afraid of hurting her.
While you aren’t bedridden, your life is fragile, and the thought of being a burden to Vi was heavy and present. How long could she stand you until she got tired of your neediness? How long until she’s tired of hearing about all the things you can’t do? She’s spontaneous, reckless, fun, and you thought she deserves to end up with someone just like that. Someone you’re not.
But right now, you want her, and she needs you, so you give her what you can.
“Of course,” you agree with a genuine, toothy smile, and the pinkette sighs of relief.
The song finally comes to a stop.
For the first time, you’re glad your father works all day long, because there’s no way you could sneak someone as loud as Powder around your house.
Her squeals of embarrassment and your laughter echo from the kitchen throughout every room of your home. Your canvases and paints are neglected as you point an accusatory finger at a message on her screen. A message from ‘Ekko <3’.
“I knew it! The way you talk to each other– ‘Oh Ekko! You’re just so smart,’” you mock her, making the girl’s face change colors faster than you’ve ever seen.
“I do not say things like that!” She yells back, making you giggle harder. “And we aren’t dating.”
“Why not?” you whine. You clasp your hands as if a plea is about to fall from your lips when a ding rings throughout the room. You look down and gasp. A message from ‘Lux <3’.
You pause, eyes flickering to the girl. “Do you have everyone saved with a heart?”
She shakes her head.
“Just those two?”
She nods.
“Oh, this is just like the movies!” Your laughter repeats like a loop. The girl groans at you and moves her phone to the other end of the marble countertop. “I’m kidding– awhh, Powder!”
She shakes her head. “This conversation is all the way over.”
It takes a moment for your giggles to die down, and soon you’re nudging the bluenette’s shoulder with yours gently. “You’ll make the right decision, just don’t waste time overthinking it. Follow your heart.”
She raises her eyebrows, picking up her paintbrush. “I could give you the same advice.”
You scoff out a laugh, gaze landing on your taunting medications in the corner of a counter. “My heart is fighting itself. Wants two different things at once. Certainly can’t have both.”
“Then follow your mental heart, not your physical one.”
You pause, brows furrowing as you look at her with suspicious eyes. “Did Violet..”
Powder shakes her head before you can finish. “No. She can keep a secret, especially for you. I connected the dots on my own,” she shrugs, swiping an electric blue line across the clean canvas. “Y’know, the meds, how protective your father is. Once, on one of your bad days, I looked through a window and saw you sitting down a third of the way up the stairs looking all dizzy and breathless. You fainting just tied it all together,” she hums.
You burn holes into the ground with your utterly ashamed gaze.
“I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, but you should live the life you want rather than being trapped in one you yearn to escape. And you can count on that big baby to protect you.” You let out a little laugh, nodding at the younger girl’s sweet words.
“Oh yeah, she wanted me to give you this. Dummy forgot it yesterday.”
Powder sets the brush down and rummages around her tote bag that lays on the counter, pulling out a tiny black velvet box and handing it to you before turning back to her self-proclaimed masterpiece.
Your heart swells in the best way possible, and you flick open the little clasp to reveal a thick golden ring with two red dots and a green leaf in the middle. It’s accompanied by a small white note with bright red writing.
‘Happy birthday, cherry.’
“I knew they were together!”
You stare out of the windows of Vi’s truck into the town square. Your gaze is fixed on Miss Medarda and Mister Talis, who are sitting suspiciously close to each other on a bench near one of the decorative fountains.
Vi fixes her dark brown hat as a laugh escapes her. “No way, he’s always chatting up this guy– one of the professors at U.P.” Vi refers to her college, and it takes you a second to understand.
“His hand was on her thigh, Violet. That was pure romance.”
Vi pauses, seemingly focused on the road ahead, but the lightbulb look behind her eyes that appears makes you think otherwise. “Yeah, yeah, we’ll see who’s right.” she jokes after remembering she hadn’t responded.
Vibrant sunlight hits almost every inch of the truck and illuminates the town that passes by as the pinkette turns down a road surrounded by greenery. You spin the gifted ring on your finger once, then twice, out of nervousness. It’d been years since you left your house for anything but the doctor’s, let alone a date. A thousand and one possibilities whirled through your mind, but were quickly flushed out at the sound of Vi’s voice.
“I see you got your gift,” she smiles, eyes flicking away from the road down to your ring and back. “I like how it looks on you.”
She was skilled at putting up a flirtatious and unbothered front, because on the inside you had her absolutely melting. Out of all ten options, you chose to secure her gift on your left ring finger.
You’ll be the death of her, no doubt.
“It’s perfect,” you look over to her with hearts in your eyes. “Thanks, cowgirl.”
She nods, eyes flickering back down before she takes her right hand off of the wheel and down to thumb the end of your shorts. “I like these too, real damn pretty.”
You giggle, and somehow the swarm of butterflies in your gut doubles in size, because instead of returning to the wheel, the girl’s hand is delicately placed onto your inner thigh. Her calloused hands gently cup your skin, and she’s grateful you can’t read minds because she’s terrified of your potential reaction.
You can’t fight the smile that crawls its way onto your warm face. The only thought that runs through your mind is how this is even better than the movies.
“Well I hope I’m dressed well enough for whatever we’re doing today. Wish you woulda told me.” You finally reply, softening under her touch. You swear you hear her let out a little sigh of relief.
“That’d ruin the surprise. I’ve gotta wow you.” she sends you a wink and your laughter fills the car with joy.
It doesn’t take long until you’re pulling into the driveway of Violet’s house. It’s beautiful, all brown and white with flowers out front that Powder planted herself, high school graduation yard signs, and fresh open space. Still, a panicked look sets on your face.
“Wait, wait, Vander’s gonna see me– he’ll tell my dad,” you stammer.
Vi cuts the engine, gently taking a hold of your chin to redirect your gaze as she speaks reassuringly. “Hey, hey. He’s not here you worrywart, won’t be home until late tonight.” Your eyes soften and you sigh. “Besides,” she starts, “we’re going over there.”
Just past the house is a matching white and brown barn-esque building. Stables.
“She’s so big!” you yell with awestruck eyes as Vi pulls the red roan out of the stables by the lead. “What’s her name? When’d you get her? Wow I’ve never seen one of these up close, mama was afraid of ‘em and my father doesn’t ride.” You speak at rapid fire making Violet snicker.
“Slow down,” she instructs, standing between you and the hairy beauty. The girl takes your hand, placing it on the horse’s shoulder, giving you the okay to pet. “Her name’s Gunner, she was my fifteenth birthday present, and I can’t imagine your pops getting anywhere near a horse.” You playfully hit her with your unoccupied hand.
“Gunner,” you whisper, “badass.”
Vi chuckles, because swearing sounds so foreign to you.
“You ready?” She asks, slipping her black riding helmet on your head.
“Wait, what?”
“You think I brought you here just to stare at her?” she smirks, completely mesmerized by your face while tightening the straps of the protective gear. “We’ll go slow this time, I promise. Okay?”
The promise of this happening again makes your heart flutter, and all of the gears in your brain stop spinning before you respond, “Okay.”
She helps you onto Gunner, patting the small of your back before hopping up right behind you. Her warm arms snake around your waist and grab hold of the reins in her hands. Her muscular front is smushed against your back, her head placed inches to the right of yours.
“Now, gently squeeze his middle with your calves,” she instructs.
You obey, and the red roan begins its walk. It’s slow, peaceful, but such a new experience to you that a sweet gasp of surprise falls from your lips.
The two of you sit in silence, appreciating the comfort of each others’ presence and warm golden light shining upon you as the beauty of nature captures you. In the green pasture of Vi’s fields, you feel like you’re breathing for the first time in five long years.
Gunner simply walks for a few minutes as you point out pretty flowers that you pass and Violet mentally compiles a bouquet for you. Vi’s talking about her years as a kid in this field. When she’d lost (and found) her favorite toy bunny out here, or dared Mylo to walk through the vast field at the dead of night. Suddenly you’re begging to see some baby photos.
It’s at this moment that everything’s easy. Vi’s admiring everything about you with eyes of love when–
Gunner’s neigh sounds like a shriek of terror when three birds zip past, spooking the roan into a 180 and bolt away before Vi can make it out of her trance.
You yelp from the sudden change in speed, almost slipping off of the animal, but Vi’s there to keep you securely fastened against her as she takes control of it. Just as fast as it changed, Gunner’s speed slows to a stop. You can feel just how tense Vi is as she speaks.
“Shit. I’m so sorry, doll. She gets spooked so easily and– god, I’m sorry for scarin’ you.”
It’s silent for a moment. The scariest moment of the pink haired girl’s life, because she can’t see your twinkling grin that spreads from ear to ear before you laugh.
“That was so cool!” you beam, leaning forward to pat at the horse. “Not so badass though, huh?”
After a few more apologies and you repeatedly telling Vi that it was fine, you two decided it was best to turn in for the day.
You sigh, sitting against the short wooden fence. “I wanna rest for a minute, that okay?” ‘I need to take a rest, I don’t have any energy’ is what you actually mean, but you choose not to worry her.
She wastes no time plopping down onto the grass next to you, eyes raising to the baby blue sky. She gives you a few moments of silence, sneaking glances at your face every so often, before speaking.
“Powder and Claggor were talking about how awesome it’d be if we took you to a Seraphine concert. Think you’d like her music a lot.” she hums, smiling to herself.
“And one day, I'm gonna take you line dancing so we can settle our little debate once and for all.” Her grinning face is inches away from you and her overpowering scent of amber and musk ensues.
“Oh really?” Your voice is soft as your head turns, looking Violet up and down with half-lidded eyes. “I think..”
You quickly mount Vi’s lap, pushing the girl onto her back and pinning those muscular arms right beside her head with both of your hands. You’re both all giggles and grunts, and even though there’s no way you’d stand a chance against her in a real tussle, she lets you win.
You lay there, one atop the other in a field of colors. The tension is so thick that not even a knife could cut it, and your grip softens when tender hands reach up to cup your face, a thumb stroking your cheek. The sun, her hands, her sparkling blue eyes, and the love radiating between the two of you has you all but melting. You’re leaning down, inching closer each second, and just before Vi’s dreams come true, you stop.
You pull back with newly glossy eyes, dismounting the girl while whispering apologies that get lodged in your throat. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
You want nothing more than to connect your lips and hearts, but you were so afraid. How long until she resents you? How long until it’s over? You’d grown accustomed to heartaches, but never heartbreak.
But Violet craves you more than plants crave water, she needs you more than the Earth needs the sun. You just don’t know it.
“Hey,” she whispers, sitting up and holding your chin as if routine. “Look at me, angel.”
You comply with built up tears that threaten to stain your cheeks.
“You don’t have to apologize for something like that,” she consoles, never looking away from your softened eyes. “We can go as slow or as fast as you want, okay?”
You wipe your tears with the side of your hand, choking out your words. “I just– I don’t want to disappoint you.” I don’t want you to hate me once I’m gone.
“Disappoint me?” She stiffles out a laugh. “You don’t know how bad I want you. But I’ll wait until the end of time if you ask me to, hell, I’d lasso the moon and bring it down if you wanted.”
That makes you sniffle and let out a breathy laugh, bringing Violet some relief. The girl slowly inches forward to make sure you’re completely okay with it before placing a warmhearted kiss to your forehead. It’s quick and simple, but causes an eruption of butterflies in your gut. Soon, your troubles are forgotten.
“Let’s get you home, yeah?”
“What’d I say about keeping this door open?” Vi raises a brow, leaning against the doorframe as she stares at an unbothered Powder who’s doing her mascara, and a flustered Ekko.
“Must’ve been the wind.” Powder mutters.
“She wouldn’t listen!” He raises his hands in innocence from his position on a neon pink beanbag.
It’s silent before the three burst out in laughter, and Vi’s shaking her head as they catch their breath.
“Hurry up though, we’re gonna be late to Laurier’s.”
“Not today, Vi.” Vander’s voice bellows from behind her, making her turn her head with furrowed brows. “He gave the five of you a day off.”
A smile graces Ekko’s lips and Powder is whooping in the back, but Vi’s lips drop into a subtle frown.
“Awhh,” Powder coos, “poor Vi doesn’t get to see her girlfriend today, how ever will she live?”
The teens snicker, but the pinkette notices the uneasy look on his face, the one where he has something to say but just can’t spit it out. “What?”
The burly man runs a hand across his beard with a sigh.
“His daughter.” The entire room pauses. “She's terribly ill today, bedridden. He’s staying home to watch over her so there’s no need for far–”
Vander doesn’t get to finish his explanation, because Vi’s pulling the keys from her pocket and rushing past him towards the front door.
It takes almost running three red lights and a long, torturous talk with your father about being able to speak to you just for an hour, but at your bedroom door stands Vi, taking off her hat to look at you with big worried eyes. “Cherry,” she calls out.
You feel absolutely horrendous.
Your breaths are shallow, your ankles feel swollen beyond belief (you thanked god Violet couldn’t see them from under the blanket), and your eyelids weighed a thousand pounds, threatening to drop from fatigue.
“What’s going on? What can I do?” she asks, wasting no time walking over to your pretty bed and taking a seat right next to you.
You shake your pillow-elevated head, laying on your side to face her with a soft smile. “Can’t do anything, it’s just a bad day.” You reach a hand out to grab her calloused one and intertwine your fingers. “Just glad you’re here.”
“How’d you get past my father?” you whisper, relaxing into the soft matter.
Vi huffs out a laugh, readjusting to lay down as she speaks. “Convinced him that I’m extremely knowledgeable in this area because I’m studying to be in the medical field. So he thought it’d be fine if I watched over you while he feeds the cattle.”
You giggle with a teasing look. “Oh yeah, what have you learned?”
“Cherries are good for the heart,” she says all ‘matter of fact’ like. “They have potassium and antioxidants to reduce inflammation.”
“I should be the one calling you cherry, then.” You hum. You don’t know how much it means to Vi to hear that she’s ‘good for you’.
It’s quiet again, and you spend time shamelessly looking over every inch of the girl’s face, landing on her powder-blue orbs. “You know, your children would have some beautiful eyes.”
“And yours would be beautiful all around,” there’s not a trace of doubt in her voice. “What would you name them?” She asks and throws out silly names as you look around in thought, “Batman? Lice? Maddie?”
“How is Maddie as bad as those names?”
“I just don’t like it!”
Your giggles fill the room before you shake your intertwined hand. “Maybe either.. Josie or Clementine? They sound.. warm. Safe.”
Vi nods, pulling you closer into her chest and draping an arm over you that cradles your back, “Josie it is.”
Your ears burn as you nuzzle into her. “And we’ll live in a big pretty house in the city, surrounded by noise and culture and life.” You wished so badly.
“We?” Vi asks.
“Me, Josie… and you.” You look up at her with the last of your body’s strength. “If you’ll join us.”
That spark in Violet’s stomach has grown to a full fire heating her body. Her dream girl’s lying in her arms, talking her ears off about their hypothetical future together, all while looking up at her with pupils blown wide as if she’s your knight in shining armor.
“Of course,” she agrees, “but we’ll have to bring Rusty and Gunner along.”
You snicker with a nod. “Sounds perfect.”
There’s a glint in the girl’s eyes as she trails her hand up your back to the soft skin of your face. “A pretty house, an adorable daughter, my rascal animals,” you let out a weak laugh, “and my pretty girl to share it all with.”
Your heart skips a beat. “Yours?” you tease.
“Yeah, mine.”
She’s tracing meaningless patterns on your neck with one hand while tucking a piece of hair behind your ear with the other. And god, whatever this feeling is it’s too good, too sweet, too sensual. Your waiting lips are slightly agape in awe, and it doesn’t take long before Vi whispers, “Can I?”
This time, ‘yes’ is the only word that pops into your brain and slips from your mouth as Vi’s lips crash into yours.
Her lips are melting into yours with so much intensity that it’s hard to keep up. You let her take the lead while your scents, minds, and tongues mix together in a bundle of passion. Her grip around you never loosens. Fingers thread through your hair, and her slightly chapped lips dread leaving yours, because your kisses are the air she needs to breathe.
A whine falls from you when she reluctantly pulls away from your sweet mouth, placing four chaste kisses on your cheeks, nose, and forehead.
“You need to rest,” she coos, peppering your forehead with another (much needed) kiss, and keeping the close proximity as her arms wrap around you. There’s no argument, because the adrenaline rush from her kiss is wearing off and that wave of exhaustion snakes its way back.
There you lay, bodies intertwined and souls tying as the sound of Vi’s healthy heartbeat lulls you to sleep.
Once you’re out, you stay sound asleep as Vi hesitantly leaves your bed.
You stay sound asleep as she trots downstairs where your father places weights of guilt upon her, claiming he knows you two have been sneaking around, and it’s her fault you’re in this current state.
You stay sound asleep as he demands she doesn’t return to the farm, permanently.
With every inch of your worn down heart, you hate Violet Lane.
And while deep down you know that’s not the slightest bit true, you still act like it.
When you woke up the next day, the birds singing and a beaming face as you skipped downstairs to hug your father good morning, the last thing you expected was to hear the all too confusing news that Vi had quit. Along with the rest of her siblings and friend just an hour after.
Unfortunately, you were none the wiser, and slowly sulked up the stairs and sank into your bed where you cried yourself back to sleep.
For the first couple days, it didn’t make sense. The way she looked at you with those big puppy dog eyes, her tender care, the ways she spoke to and about you, it all seemed so real. It had to be real.
On day three, you decided that acting was just one of her many skills.
By day four, you had it figured out, or so you thought. Vi was a flirtatious asshole who wanted nothing more than some street credit for kissing the untouchable, locked up, sick princess right under her overbearing father’s nose. Coming to and believing such a conclusion felt like a stab in the side, and the knife only twisted when you factored in the fact that the others must’ve known about this, which is why they left alongside her.
You thought you’d become accustomed to all of the heart pains in the world, but you were wrong.
Tears fell from your eyes like a waterfall until they grew dry, your baking pans yearned to be used but were shoved away into a cabinet, and what hurt the most was knowing your father was right for keeping you locked up all these years. You weren’t free, but you were safe.
Finally, on day five, you’re engulfed by the plush matter of your couch when there’s six knocks at the door and someone’s calling out for you: “Cherry?”
You scoff at her audacity.
When you storm over and yank open the door with the meanest glare Vi’s ever seen from the prettiest girl she knows, you’re met with Ekko leaning against your white picket fence with his arms crossed, Powder standing next to him with a worried face, Claggor and Mylo relaxed against Vi’s bright red truck, and said truck-driver right in front of you looking absolutely sick.
And you slam the door right in her backstabbing face.
“Seriously?” Vi huffs out, earning a stifled laugh and whistle from Mylo.
“Go away, Violet.” You yell through the door, voice the sternest she’s ever heard.
“Fuck no. What’s going on?”
“Why don’t you tell me?” you counter, back pressed against your barrier. “You got all that you wanted from me, and then you quit and disappear from my life. So why are you back, huh?”
You’re lucky you’re packed with pent up anger, because tears are bubbling in the corners of your eyes and yelling is the only thing keeping them from spilling over.
“What?” the pinkette's completely taken aback, because she has no clue what you’re on about.
“That’s not–” she sighs, lowering her voice before speaking. “I’ll never get enough of you. I’d take a thousand kisses and so, so much more if you’d let me, but that’s not why I see you, angel.”
Your eyes soften and hurt brows furrow because damn, she’s a good actress.
“And I didn’t quit. That afternoon when you fell asleep, your old man practically dragged me out of your house and fired me. Said I caused your symptoms to worsen. I thought I’d lay low for a few days– and believe me when I say these were the hardest days of my life, but I didn’t want to get you in any trouble.”
Your bottom lip is bitten red until you finally cave, creeping the door open just enough to show your face.
“You promise?” you ask, and Violet’s heart is aching.
“Cross my heart.” she replies.
That’s all it takes for you to swing the door open and jump into her arms. She stumbles back in surprise before applying the same force, arms wrapping around your waist as she melts into yours cradling her neck.
You’re sniffling, taking deep breaths before you speak. “Really thought you left me,” you croak out.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” she teases, placing a tender kiss on your forehead as you giggle and blink away tears.
“Now go get changed, we’re going out,” a grin tugs at the corner of her lips when your happy eyes make contact with hers. You blink, an idea flashing across your face, before pulling her inside by the wrist, yelling “just a minute!” to the others, before hastily shutting the door.
Violet’s eyes graze over every last atom of your body as your hips sway in front of her, babbling with Powder about who knows what, because she hasn’t been focused since you dragged her into your bedroom ‘innocently’ needing help with your outfit.
She stood in your doorway curiously, thinking she’d only be there for a second, maybe you’d never been to a rodeo and needed advice.
That was, until you paused at your walk in closet, a cheeky smirk on your lips that Vi desperately wanted to taste as you nod your head towards the bed. “Sit.”
And she obeyed, manspread legs at the edge of your bed as you walk infront of her with a few items on white hangers. All frills, lace, denim skirts and shorts, and Vi’s reasonably concluded she died and went to heaven.
“I could wear..” you shift the hangers around, “this with this skirt, or maybe these shorts and.. ooh, these boots match my panties.” You get a rise out of seeing the usually suave girl short circuit at the words that bless her ears. Definitely in heaven.
But Vi came to the realization that she was, in fact, alive. Because her heart truly stopped beating when she helped you settle on your pieces, threw her a sugary sweet “thanks, Vi,” did a casual 180, and stuck your ass out to drag your skirt down painfully slow.
Oh, those boots do match your panties.
Now here you stand in a lacy red top, denim shorts that have her thanking god for your creation, and matching cherry red cowgirl boots that graced her eyes the first day you met.
Neverending chatter fills your ears from other attendees, the overwhelming scent of kettle popcorn from a nearby booth stuffs your nostrils, and you see Ekko nudge at Vi, saying something that you can’t hear over the bluenette beside you talking your ear off about the stunning horses she sees.
Suddenly, Vi’s walking up to you and smushing her hat onto your head with her famous smirk. “Keep it safe for me, doll?”
You nod mindlessly, a hand coming up to fix its position on your head.
“Where ya goin’?” Powder calls out to the platinum blonde boy who’s ushering Vi to hurry up.
“Our annual face off,” he throws her a wink, and the girl’s rolling her eyes with a playful scoff.
Before you can even ask, she’s locking arms with you and dragging you along to an even more crowded area. There’s various groups of people surrounding a blocked off area containing a big, black, circular inflatable mat. And directly in the middle is a mischievous brown mechanical bull.
“Are they..” and your question is deemed useless when Ekko mounts the hairy machine, pumping his hands up in motion for the crowd to whoop and holler. Of course, they do.
Ekko does good, to say the least.
One hand grips the bull while the other is thrown up into the air as the machine thrashes him and his white locs every which way. The intensity increases as it tauntingly speeds up, thrashing harder, and spinning recklessly. Finally, he’s bucked off, rolling to a stand and flashing his pearly whites as the crowd cheers.
A giggle falls from your mouth as your hip nudges Powder who’s in complete awe, and she warms in embarrassment.
Vi and Ekko fake tension, sending joking competitive glares as they switch places. Now it’s the pink haired cowgirl that’s mounting the mechanical animal.
You never thought you’d be admiring this sort of thing, but Violet’s never fails to twist your stomach in knots.
With a hand gripping the bull and the other resting on the back of her head, she bucks her hips back and forth to counter the thrashing machine. She’s focused, her sculpted muscles flexing as she holds on tight, but a cocky smile is plastered on her face with teeth biting down on her rosy lips.
Surrounding girls (including yourself) are wooing at the sight.
Vi makes it through the most chaotic shakes and spins as the bull finally comes to a controlled stop, and you’re cheering louder than you ever thought you could.
“Woo! Hell yeah!” you cry out. The girl’s cheesing harder than ever when she hears your support, and the smile lasts all the way over to a fake booing Ekko who rolls his eyes and slips her a twenty dollar bill from his pocket.
You and Powder unlock arms to move over to the riders. A chuckle of amusement spills from you, and you’re securing Violet’s hat back over her fluffy hair. “That was real impressive, cowgirl.”
“Yeah?” she coos.
“Yeah.” The atmosphere grows heavier, each of your eyes searching the other’s like there’s treasure to find. But your little staring contest as Claggor speaks.
“Earth to lovebirds,” he hums politely. “You coming?”
You’re quick to nod, but Vi gently holds your wrist, making you pause. “Actually, I wanted to show cherry around some more. Catch up later?” She asks, but she’s already pulling you away before Claggor nods in agreement and the group goes in the opposite direction as you.
You speed up, feet coming into step with the girl who’s needily pulling you. Her silent prayers are answered when she spots a more secluded area behind a building and some fences.
“Vi,” you snicker, cheeks warming in nervousness, “what are we doing?”
She hums through half lidded orbs, hands finding their place on your hips and hastily pushing you against the wall that covers the two of you from the eyes of others. You’re looking up at her with the sweetest glint in your eyes and it’s driving her absolutely mad.
“You said I was real impressive, right?” Her voice is smoother, breathier.
Ohh.
You tilt your head, teeth chewing on your abused bottom lip before you mutter. “That’s right.. think you deserve a reward, huh?”
“Exactly what I was thinkin’, sweetheart.”
The newfound nickname is sending a shiver up your spine that transforms into a blazing warmth when Vi’s lips fit into yours like puzzle pieces. This time, messy limbs are thrown over each other. Your hand travels from her hands that are cradling your heated face, down to her abs (making her shiver as you scrape your nails across), to tangle in what pink locks aren’t captured by her hat.
A strong hand makes its way around your waist, pulling you dangerously closer to rub against her body. God, she’s good at this.
“Vi..” you’re finally able to whisper as she trails kisses along your jaw and down to your neck. You can feel her smirk against the area where she peppers you with affection.
And it’s perfect.
Not just the way she’s kissing you, or the fact that you’re kissing at all. It’s the environment, the feelings, the friendships that you’ve made with the others, the fact that for today, you’re living a normal life. It’s the fact that for a moment, you can cheer on your friends in a competition, you can lock arms with a friend and woo over others, you can get lost in passionate kisses with a girl and not have another care in the world.
You wished it could stay this way forever.
You lose all sense of shame, letting a soft grunt slip from your lips at the feeling of teeth and a ‘pop’ on your neck. It’s only a matter of seconds before both of your eyes widen and Vi’s pulling back with a crooked smile on her face.
“Did you..”
She wordlessly eyes the red-purple love bite forming on the back-side of your neck, just below your ear.
“Violet!” you drag out with a whine, sending her into a soft fit of laughter. She feels guilty, but you’re just too cute.
You have a love-hate relationship with the neon lights that are beaming throughout the spacious room that brings more noise than you’ve heard in the past five years– maybe more than your entire life.
On one hand, the flashing colors are starting to give you a major headache. On the other, the red glow that decorates Violet’s face as she grins down at you has your insides doing summersaults.
Nevermind. You love the lights.
“C’mon y’all,” Powder calls out with a chipper expression. Ekko’s standing properly in line and his blue haired companion, who’s already freestyling, spins out of control and squeals up a storm.
“You ready?” Vi’s words kiss your ear as she holds both of your hands, pulling you out to the dance floor.
“Are you?”
Your sass has her laughing, and she brings her tongue out to wet her bottom lip. “Follow my lead, cherry.”
And for a few moments, you do. All of the surrounding crowd dances the same to the upbeat, fast-paced country song that pierces your ears, so you replicate Vi’s mixed steps and cute little head tilts with her hand on that chocolate hat.
But then the song changes, it’s more passion filled and fiery. All it takes is Powder spinning out of line and shamelessly making her own moves before you’re formulating the steps in your head. From movies you watched religiously to mindlessly shuffling your own feet late at night, you danced for the little girl who longed to have fun, who longed to be free.
You’re clicking the heels of your boots against the ground, moving your hips as fluid as water, and bringing your hands up just for them to slide down your sides with a heart-stopping smile tugging at your lips.
Violet’s in awe, because her girl’s fearless and full of smiles, and she couldn’t be happier for you.
And there’s no doubt in her mind that this is the only girl she’ll ever want, need, crave.
She whistles, looking up and down with the most amused expression you’ve ever encountered. “Jesus, alright you win, doll.”
“Yeah?” The tease comes out a bit breathless, but you play it off as dancing too wildly.
You look at the pink haired beauty through thick lashes. Inching dangerously closer as you sway, Violet’s hands have a powerful hold on your soft waist. You stumble over your feet once, then twice, and she notices.
“Slow down there cowgirl,” she chuckles, but her gaze is tender under the carefree mask. “You alright?”
It’s unbearably toasty in the room, and you feel two times hotter with each passing second. But you don’t want it to end, so you wave her off, throwing out an “I’m good!”
But you’re not, and it’s evident on your face when the small ‘headache’ turns to tight pressure smothering your scalp, and you’re losing your balance as you search for an exit.
“I just need some air,” you mumble, turning your head. The room shifted under your feet, vision blurring in a haze. You took three measly steps forward, and on your fourth, you crumbled.
Your body gives out under you, and Vi’s right there to catch you when it does. Her arms snake around your waist to hold you up before she lifts you in her arms with big eyes and wavering lips.
“Shit. Ekko, come here! Powder, go get Mylo and Claggor.”
The five haul ass to Vi’s truck, the pinkette tossing her keys to Ekko as he and Mylo hop in the front. She, Claggor, and Powder take seats in the bed of the truck. When you finally come to, your back is laid against Vi’s worrisome chest, and you get the fresh air you were looking for from the speed Ekko’s driving to get you home.
But when you pull into the driveway of your home, there’s already a car waiting for you, and there stands your father with his arms crossed and pure fury in his eyes.
And you’re in so much fucking trouble.
The others attempt to plead your case, in good ways and in bad, as the man scolds everyone in sight.
“Mister, we just went out to dance.”
“She’s not a child you know, you can’t keep her cooped up here forever.”
“Please just understand.”
Everything goes in one ear and out the other, because in the chaos silently sits you and Violet. You’re still breathless, and this headache is gonna last longer than you want it to, but you relax into the warmth of Vi for one last time.
You pull back, ignoring the spike of pain that flashes across your brain, and turn to the girl with a tight lipped smile. “I’m sorry, you guys should just go.”
She looks pained, like she wants to say something, she wants to help. But she nods, placing a chaste kiss to your temple just as you’re sliding out of the truck bed and over to your father. He hastily drags you inside while you bid farewell to your moping knights.
With every inch of your worn down heart, you love Violet Lane.
And you’re not an idiot, you’re sure she loves you too.
That’s what makes coming to a conclusion impossible on almost every level.
Your physical heart says this is the most idiotic decision you’ve made in your entire life. You’ve had worse symptoms than normal, you’re putting yourself in danger in the name of ‘fun’, and the thought that’s lingering in the back of everyone’s mind is one you can’t ignore: just how long will you make it?
Your mental heart says this is the best thing you’ve ever done. You’re happy, you’re in love, you have real friends, and you’re finally starting to see the point in living. Not just from a tv screen or the books your father supplies, but through your own eyes and experiences. And even though your father seemed overbearing, you know he’s afraid. He’s taken on all of the worry and stress so that you don’t have to. If you wanted something to change, you had to take the leap yourself. But you’re not sure you can.
There’s six knocks at the door, and you stay seated in your position on the couch. “It’s open,” you call out.
The clack of familiar boots enter the room, and a wave of musk and amber suffocate you when Vi walks past you to sit at your side.
It’s silent. Not your comfortable, daydream filled state of silence that Vi could watch you in forever. It’s awkward, strangulating silence, and she can’t take it.
“Yesterday was..”
“...amazing.” “A mistake.”
You speak at the same time, eyes flickering at each other's response.
“What are you talking about?” Vi asks, setting her textbooks down. You don’t miss the newfound waver in the back of her voice.
You don’t respond. You don’t want to go through with this conversation.
“..Is this about the hickey?” she flashes a strained smile, “I’m sorry if he saw it, doll. Reall–”
“This isn’t a joke, Violet.” you finally speak, eyes strictly trained down on your fiddling hands in your lap. The tears are bubbling at your eyelids and that itchy, sore feeling is crawling its way up your throat.
“Then what is it about? You and your dad? Look, I can talk to him, I’ll make things right.” Her voice is increasingly wavered, desperate, scared.
“Our–” you inhale a shaky breath, “– this, us, whatever we are is an inconvenience. An inconvenience to my father, an inconvenience to my health, an inconvenience to you.” Your voice breaks with the last word. “I’m a burden Violet, face it.”
You can’t see it with the tears blurring your vision, but Vi’s shaking her head in horror. “No. No, what are you going on about? You aren–”
“God just face it, Vi. All you wanted was to love a girl and you got a defective one.” You spit the words out like they sting on your tongue. “Soon, you’ll be annoyed by everything I can’t do and bored of everything I can.”
“Maybe we’re just not…” you can’t continue as silent tears transform into quiet little sobs.
Vi’s heart aches as she kneels down on the floor in front of you, examining your now puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. She wants nothing more than to kiss the pain away, but first she has to fix that worrisome little mind of yours.
One hand intertwines with your anxious ones, and the other reaches up as rough fingers delicately hold your chin, a soft thumb rubs back and forth against your cheek. She whispers out your name with a voice that’s holding back sadness of her own. When you’re finally ready to look at her, she smiles delicately.
“You don’t know how bad I want you. But I’ll wait until the end of time if you ask me to. I’d lasso the moon and bring it down for you if you asked.” You recognize her sweet words from your first date, and you’re weakly melting into the palm of her hand that’s sliding to cup your face.
“I meant it then, and I mean it now,” she whispers. “I will never be annoyed by what you can or can’t do– god, I'd sit here and talk to you about slugs all day everyday if that’s what you really wanted.” That has you scoffing, fighting back a smile at her silly words.
“Love isn’t about the activities you can or can’t do, it’s about a connection, our connection, and what we do with it. So, you can get rid of me if this is all true and that’s what you really want, but I will never stop loving you.” She’s speaking so sweetly, and before she even finishes her sentence you’ve made up your mind.
“You’re good for my heart, cherry.”
Those are the last words she can get out before you’re throwing yourself forward and locking lips with the love of your life.
It starts off slow, soft, an apology for the rollercoaster of emotions and blunder of nonsense you put yourselves through. Then, Vi’s hands are cupping your face and the back of your head while yours are thrown around her neck. It’s needier, sloppier, and her tongue slipping into your mouth shows it’s moved from an apology to ‘let me make you feel better’.
You hum into the kisses with pleasure, but you wanted more. Needed more. Without hesitation, you slip a hand under Vi’s tight t-shirt, running a hand up and down her abs.
The action sends a shiver down her spine, and you gasp in surprise when the sculpted girl wraps your legs around her waist and lifts you into her arms.
You’re giggling as she walks up the stairs and into your bedroom. Your litter smooches down her jaw and to that neglected neck, mimicking what she’s done for you. Vi slips a hand under the back of your shirt, making you hum into her neck at the warmth.
Pop.
A devilish grin graces your angelic face when you pull back, eyes flickering from Violet’s to the bruise on her neck.
The girl grins, catching your mouth in a wet kiss. “You’re asking for more, y’know,” she warns, and her lustful eyes are turning your brain to mush.
“Good. I want more. Need you all over me,”
Your confident words are canceled out by a sweet gasp that leaves you when Vi bucks her hips.
“You’ve gotta say it then,” she orders.
“Say.. what?”
She chuckles. “Tell me what you want, baby.”
You swear there’s a pool of slick in your underwear.
“Want you to fuck me till I cum, please please please,” you beg, hiding in the crook of her neck.
“Fuck,” is all she can choke out, because she’s never wanted wanted a girl this fucking much. Your begging is all she needs to hear before she’s stripping you out of your top, unclasping your pretty bra with one hand, and flipping you over onto your back.
You’re throwing your head back with a soft moan, running a hand through her pink strands while Vi latches onto one of your rock hard nipples. Her hand trails down your abdomen and to your pretty little skirt. The fabric slides down your legs and off your delicate ankles, and the girl’s gawking at your panties.
“Vi, please please,” you moan in impatience.
She lets out a cruel chuckle, fingertips pulling down the fabric that’s completely drenched by your arousal.
Holy fuck.
She’s moving faster now, pulling her shirt over her head, and you don’t have a chance to drool over her bare muscles as she sits against the headboard of the bed and pulls you back by your hips into her lap.
Your back’s pressed against her chest, and she pulls your legs apart making cool air attacking your lips. One arm hooks under your knee and holds tight, making sure you stay perfectly spread for her.
“Suck,” she whispers, and two of her calloused fingers are shoved in your mouth. You swirl your tongue around the nubs, letting drool pool around them as Vi looks down at you like she wants to ravish you.
“Wanted to touch you like this for so long.”
Her fingers are dragging out of your mouth and down to your sensitive slit to your swollen clit. You’re already messily bucking your hips against her as she pushes soft circles against your bundle of nerves.
She relishes in the way your eyes roll back before she decides she’s done being a tease, sinking her wet fingers into you three full knuckles deep.
“Violet– holy fuck yesyesyes,” you whine, quickly closing your legs at the newfound pleasure. But Vi’s pulling them right back apart as she pumps into you faster.
She peppers kisses on your temple, whispering sweet nothings about how you’re ‘so damn pretty’ and she’s been dying to see your ‘fucked out face’.
“Yeah, oh fuuck.” you squirm under her control, a knot of passion and pleasure building in your gut.
“Yeah? Yeah, baby?” She speaks breathily. The way she’s mocking you and the depth her fingers are reaching is sending you right over the edge. Your toes curl while writhing pleasure shoots through your body, and all you can see is stars.
“Fuck fuck, I’m– hah,”
Vi’s shushing you softly, keeping her speed and strength as your cunt tightens around her fingers.
Your moans are like angels blessing your ears as you cum, gushing on her skilled fingers.
The only noises in the room are your exhausted pants, the slick of your cunt as Vi pulls her fingers out terribly slow, and the bed shifting under the absence and reappearance of pure muscle.
Except this time, the pinkette’s knelt in front of the bed.
She pulls you to the edge by the soft skin of your thighs, and piercing blue eyes joined by a warm pink tongue threaten to have you wheel-chair bound by morning.
“Let me clean you up, angel.”
Despite being near nothing but muscle, Vi’s bare body is incredibly comfortable.
“And he made a giant splotch of paint on the wall with his ass.”
You gasp, choking out a little giggle of shock as Vi tells you stories of her childhood, specifically all the stupid situations they got themselves into. The just-right bath water is engulfing your intertwined bodies. Vi’s fingers are threading through your hair as your head rests on her shoulder. Your body sits in between her legs, and your arms lazily drape around her waist.
“How mad was Vander?” you ask.
“He just… laughed. I’ve never really seen him mad, just disappointed at times.” She shrugs. “He knows kids make stupid mistakes, learn, and grow.”
You hum, nuzzling further into her. “I hope I’m that calm when I’m a mom,”
You pause.
“If I’m a mom.”
That strikes right through Violet’s swollen heart, and she shakes her head, holding you a little closer.
“You’re gonna be perfect.” She reassures. “Josie.. Gunner.. Rusty, Daisy, and our big beautiful city house are going to be so lucky to have you. I’m so lucky to have you. Never gettin’ rid of me.
You smile against her skin, placing a loving kiss.
“Even if it takes ages for my pops to understand?” you mutter.
“I don’t care if it takes a millennium.” she states confidently, a tender kiss graces your forehead before she looks you in the eyes.
“I love you, cherry.”
And this time, you’re done holding back.
“I love you, Violet.”
Your fingers, hearts, and lips intertwined as you share your most passionate kiss yet, one of the many for years to come.
Five years, to be exact.
And five years later, as the blood refuses to circulate throughout your body and your heart ceases to beat, you die in Violet's arms.
Through her sobs and shattered heart, she can only smile at the fact that all the way until your death, she helped you truly live.
silknspice
#vi x reader#vi arcane#arcane fanfic#arcane#vi fanfic#vi smut#wlw#sapphic#vi imagines#arcane vi x reader#vi league of legends
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cardinal concept
yandere platonic batfam with a resurrected reader
a/n: because as much as i love neglected reader, dead (then alive again) reader just has so much potential

the dynamic duo, batman and robin. bruce wayne and dick grayson. then, you came along; a result of bruce’s irresponsible coupling with a young woman he’d long since forgotten about. you grow up in the nastier parts of gotham with your mother, where you’re forces to grow up faster and become more mature, until she has an accident.
after you’re mother’s untimely death, you find yourself under his care. bruce is hesitant and unsure, he’s already struggled with raising dick. he doesn’t want to fail you too. he dances around telling about batman until you happen upon the batcave, at your insistence and a few instances of you following them, he relents and lets you join.
suddenly, it’s batman, robin, and cardinal.
bruce is initially unsure what to do with you, even after you become cardinal. unlike with dick, who needed to become robin lest he go down a darker road, you’re only cardinal because of him. it draws out an agonizing guilt, causing bruce to practically coddle you. but you’re emotionally intelligent, in a way bruce isn’t, you’re able to communicate with soft words and gentle reasoning instead of shouting matches and tearful pouting like your brother. you’re his angel, his sweet, understanding angel. it reminds him of his own mother. you’re kind, empathetic disposition is everything bruce needs in his life. because yes, to him, your brother needs his guidance. but bruce needs yours.
as for dick his relationship is with you as simple as this: he’s the big brother and you’re the little sibling. you can fight and argue, but you two always make up and head off to snuggle or play. you’re bond grows stronger the more time you spend on patrol— having each other’s back, getting into trouble with batman— or at school— although you’re in a younger grade, you still see your big brother at school and go to him when you have problems— or at home— snuggled up, watching a movie and eating snacks provided by alfred— you two are extremely close.
you’re little of family of four— including alfred, of course— is tight-knit. you fight and argue but always make up and you’re always there for each other.
until dick becomes nightwing and a scruffy teen named jason todd joins you. as close as you are with your older brother and father, you bond with him far quicker. maybe it’s because of how close you are in age, or maybe it’s because of your shared past experiences.
the family dynamics shift and change, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. dick grows more distant, going off with the titans. but that’s to be expected, he’s grown up now. you still visit him, of course. and he still pops by to see you. bruce, you notice, softens, almost. he’s grown accustomed to parenthood. jason is your favourite change, though. a sibling close in age, but still younger, so can justify (playfully) bossing him around. your family isn’t perfect, but it’s yours and you love it.
then, jason and bruce start fighting. dick goes off world. a fight with bane leaves you injured and out of commission. it’s just a rough patch, you tell yourself. until, suddenly, jason’s birth mother contacts him. something’s off about it. you want to tell your dad, however, jason is adamant you shouldn’t. reluctantly, you don’t, opting to go along with him just in case.
your gut, as it turns out, was right. you’re injured and unable to do much as the joker captures you and jason. you’re helpless to watch as your brother, your sweet baby brother, is beaten mercilessly with a crowbar. your voice is hoarse from screaming during your own beating and your body is sore, but despite it all, you still rasp out pleas to let your brother go. one child will be effective enough. the joker can spare one. of course, in his cruelty, he doesn’t.
you’re left aching, battered, and bruised. the ticking of the bomb serves as the count to your death. jason, brave jason, tries to gather enough strength to get up. and maybe, just maybe, he could escape if he weren’t focused on trying to save you. he won’t listen to your pleas for him to go, to leave you behind. he’s adamant upon accompanying you to your doom.
you hear the final ticks. with all the strength you have left, you move towards him. you cannot save yourself. you cannot save him. all you can do is die beside him. pressing your forehead to his, the last thing you see is your little brother’s face before the final tick sounds and the ensuing explosion consumes you.
and that’s the end of it, your journey, your life. you’re buried alongside your brother in a sombre ceremony, your uniform cased in glass as a memorial to bruce’s failures. he becomes angrier, loses himself. he’s lost two of his children and is fighting with his only remaining one. dick, is utterly furious, with himself and bruce. he blames bruce. for letting his precious siblings die, for starting them all of this heroic crusade. he blames himself for not being there, for being distant with you and jason.
alas, time marches forwards and batman needs a new robin, in the form of one tim drake. he’s a clever kid, one way too smart for his own good. one you used to babysit while his rich parents were away to earn some extra cash. it wasn’t right, leaving him with no one his age to play with. so, when you could, you’d come over. you’d soothe his loneliness. and for that, he’s forever grateful.
your influence continues beyond your death. for you life has impacted so many. barbara gordan, for example, who viewed you akin to a little sister. who fought alongside you as batgirl. you were loved by many as (Y/N) Wayne. your friends and family still hold candles for you. even as they accept your lose, they never stop fully grieving for you and the lost potential brimming inside you. then, there are those who you impacted as cardinal. as a hero, you saved numerous lives, including that of one stephanie brown, who will forever feel indebted to you and strives to become just like you.
the justice league, who knew you as one of the first sidekicks, who functioned like extended family, mourn deeply for your loss and offer sympathies to your father and brother. they will remember you and your tenacity, carrying on their pursuit of justice with you in mind. certainly villains, such as poison ivy and even harley quinn, are enraged with the joker. while you could occasionally be a pain, you were their favourite kiddie hero. and of course the likes of selina kyle and talia al ghul, your father’s paramours, women who became like family to you.
cardinal will be forever immortalized in the hearts of heroes and villains alike, your legacy of compassion and kindness living on in memories transformed into stories, your death a testament to sacrifice and love and heroism— except, that isn’t how it ends, is it? no. your story doesn’t end with your death, it’s how it begins.
and your real story begins by waking in the constricting confined of your casket, bursting out with inhuman strength, fueled by the adrenaline boost, and digging your way out of your grave, the cool mud giving way to harsh ground until you break through the service. that night, that stormy gotham eve, is the day you are reborn.
you flee then wander the streets of gotham until you regain your mind. you remember, you remember everything and you, you don’t want to go back. not to your family, not to your friends, not the life you once knew. you were given a new life. and this life, you would live for yourself.
sans your old attachments, you live encumbered, untroubled by past woes. yet, you seem to forget your festering memory, the mark you’ve left on people. you forget that while you may be willing to leave your old life behind, they aren’t as willing to let you go. especially when they learn you’re within reach.
#platonic yandere#yandere platonic#yandere batfam#yandere drabble#yandere imagine#yandere x reader#yandere batman#yandere dc#yandere batboys#yandere batboys x reader#yandere jason todd#yandere jason todd x reader#yandere dick grayson#yandere dick grayson x reader#yandere bruce wayne#yandere bruce wayne x reader#yandere nightwing#yandere red hood#yandere robin#yandere damian wayne#yandere tim drake#yandere batfamily
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𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐓 | Joel Miller x reader

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summary | You end up in the backseat of Joel's car, for a few reasons.
author's note | a sequel to drive. sorry the insistent posting, a girl's head is full of words and ideas and they gotta go somewhere. unbeta'd but i went through this five times, i pray there's no typos.
content warning | 18+ MDNI, no outbreak au, girthy age gap (early 20s, late 50s), car troubles, silent yearning, internal conflict, still sad hot grieving dads gone wild, is this real love or a mid-life crisis, teasing, daddy kink, degradation, unprotected piv, eating from the back, the slightest hint of ass play, all of this is definitely bad for his knees, joel is a gentleman first always
word count — 5k
Joel hands you the keys to his car without a single hesitation.
Your eyes widen, still rousing from your sound sleep in an unfamiliar home, an unconventional way to spend your night as you’re standing in front of the man who made you come without a single touch on his behalf.
The shame never surfaces, replaced with a strong surge of confidence.
“Are you sure?”
“Can you drive stick?”
You nod, closing your fingers around the keys placed in your palm.
“I’m sure,” he responds with ease, hair wet from a fresh shower and combed back, dressed in a fresh set of clothes while you’re still stuck in your clothes from the night prior.
You would be lying if you said it didn’t give you a distinct feeling of exhilaration, shaking with a subtle excitement as he follows you closely to his car, slightly hesitant as you adjust yourself in the driver’s side until you’re comfortable, his hand curling around the open window to close the door.
With the early drive, it was clear open roads and the quiet hum of nature, and Joel’s wordless encouragement to enjoy yourself, only driving recklessly enough that it makes your heart race for a moment before you’re reminding yourself that it isn’t your car—as fun as the joy ride is.
“How often do you let strangers drive your car?” you ask as your drive has tripped over the halfway mark and transitioned into more busy streets.
“Strangers? Never,” he tells you, “Pretty girl like you? Also never…well, ‘til now.”
“Careful,” you warn him playfully, patting the steering wheel gently, “I might come back for her,”
“Just her?” There’s a hint of something unrecognizable in his tone, not able to put your finger on it, but you turn to him briefly, a kind smile on your face, utterly relaxed.
“Just her,” you jest, hardly meaning the words, knowing the chances of ever seeing Joel again were slim to none and frankly, you were settled with that fact.
He’d given you a night, healed what had been ruined, and didn’t judge you once.
Joel would be a fond memory, though one you would revisit often.
–
You're engrossingly aware of the watchful eyes as the engine roars into the parking lot of your dorms, slowly and simmering to a low roar as you turn off the ignition and pass the keys into his waiting hand before you reach for the handle, a noise of disapproval coming from Joel’s throat.
You bite your lip to subdue the smile as he exits the car and swiftly jogs to your side, opening the door and lending a hand to help you out, Joel nods politely as you laugh despite your efforts.
“Somethin’ funny?” he asks curiously, leaning gently against the open door.
“It’s just, so…gentlemanly,” And nothing you were used to, always settling for less—it wasn’t what you deserved, you knew that, but your pickings were slim and frankly, it sucked, “—I’m being rude, sorry—thank you.”
Joel goes silent for a moment, his gaze watchful as you shift from foot to foot and adjust your bag and wrinkled clothes, meeting his eyes briefly again with a smile that breathes nervousness.
How the hell was he supposed to admit he wanted more of you?
Fuck it, he was going for it.
“I’m picking you up next weekend,” Joel asserts, your eyes widening with genuine curiosity.
“I’m–oh—okay?” you agree like it was instinct, “I guess I can shift around some plans?”
Not that you had any.
“Perfect,” His charm is unmatched and your initial reaction is to laugh, mostly out of disbelief but there’s a hint of joy in your face as you look at him, “I’m gonna kiss you now, alright?”
You clear your throat habitually and nod, a shaky jerk of your head as the entire world fades away, his palm curving around the side of your neck as he leans into you, a gentle press of your lips.
It was respectful, quick, the moment leaving you before you can even recollect it was happening, eagerly chasing his lips as he parts from you.
“So, now you touch me?”
Joel chuckles lowly, feeling his lips brush yours as he nods.
“S’not how I wanna, but I’ll settle.” The words make you want to melt away, “Next weekend, Saturday. Six in the evenin’, I’ll be waiting here.”
"Six in the evening," you repeat, the words tasting sweet on your lips where Joel’s had just been, laying your words on thick as your fingers drag down his chest. "Is that all, daddy?"
Joel makes a noise, unintelligible but his eyebrow twitches in amusement.
“Cut the shit,” he warns, his thumb and pointer finger rubbing over the tip of your chin as he taps it admonishingly, “Can you give me your number?”
Caught up in the moment, you had nearly forgotten.
“Fuck—yeah, I guess that is a good idea, isn’t it?”
A quick exchange and Joel is on his way, disappearing from view and leaving you with the nothing but wistful feelings inside and judgemental eyes at your back.
And the week crawls by, each day stretching into eternity as Saturday approaches.
You find yourself checking your phone more than usual, a small smile forming whenever Joel's name appears on your screen with some mundane question or comment that somehow feels significant.
As easy as asking how your day was or the wish of a hopeful good one, filling a void that you didn’t realize you were missing, waking up with the expectant text and falling asleep with the promise of hearing from him the next morning.
It’s not supposed to feel this way, especially not with a man like Joel.
He’s troubled, clearly clouded by life. Older, wiser, more experienced.
This was undoubtedly a mid-life crisis, but you couldn’t even feel offended.
It felt fucking amazing, the obvious need in his eyes as he watched your fingers play between your legs, how lustful he looked—it was bound to drive you insane if you let it.
-
Saturday finally arrives, and you spend an embarrassing amount of time deciding what to wear.
You wanted something casual but alluring, something that says you didn't try too hard. It was the same giddiness that approached with any first date you had, hopeful despite the amount of times you’ve been disappointed. You settle on an outfit that feels right against your skin, something that gives you confidence. And truthfully, easily accessible.
If there was one thing for certain, you were determined to get his hands on you.
Joel arrives two minutes before the hour, hearing him halfway down the block and biting away the amused expression as he pulls to a stop at the stairs that led up to your dorm building, windows rolled down and watching as he reached over the console to open your door from inside, the force of his fingers pushing it open as you quickly take a seat, his arm leaning over your lap to yank the door closed, smelling of a subtle cologne, familiar to the first night you had met him.
"Hi," you say, a little breathless despite your attempt to seem casual.
His eyes catch yours, and there's that smile again—the one that makes your stomach flutter in a way that's both thrilling and terrifying. It's the kind of smile that makes you feel seen, genuinely, rather than the men who look straight through you.
"Hi yourself," Joel replies, his voice low and warm. He doesn't immediately pull away from the car door, his proximity making the small space between you pulsate with tension, "You look nice."
As he shifts the car into drive, his forearm flexes, and you catch yourself staring at the veins mapped beneath his skin, wondering how they'd feel under your fingertips.
The thought sends heat crawling up your neck, aware of his eyes as they trade between the road and you, exploring the exposed skin of your neck and thighs, hands tucked between your legs for warmth but the edges of your skirt rolling up your thigh, looking enticingly indecent.
Joel would get through this date before touching you if it killed him.
But, even you can feel his resolve weakening with each passing minute.
It was unfinished business.
“So, where are you taking me?” you ask curiously, talking gently over the low hum of the radio as he reaches for the dial to lower the volume at the sound of your voice, “Or was this just a ruse to get me alone again?”
Your tongue catches between your teeth in a delicious smirk that makes his insides stir, shaking his head as he neck strains with the turn of his head, your chest presses against the pressure of the seatbelt as you shift in your seat, spreading your legs apart to sit straight, hands curling over the edge of the leather.
The long, winding road you were going down felt like it was stretching on for an eternity, blanketed by trees and overgrown foliage, lit by the headlights of Joel’s car and the quickly setting sun, casting an ominous shadow of his features as he finally chuckles, relieving the tension.
“Those boys never treat you right, do they?” He can see how they’ve tainted your perspective, settling for whatever satiated the moment, even if the sex was lousy and the food was cheap.
“All a girl wants is a nice meal and an orgasm, is that too much to ask for?”
The words flow so innocently Joel has to grip the steering wheel to resist the urge to slide his hand between your thighs and discover just how bad that want is.
As you come around the bend, there’s a strange rattle to the engine that catches both of your attention and a look of disdain and annoyance on Joel's face as he regrettably pulls off to the side of the road.
“She’s out to get me,” Joel swears, the car stalling as he safely pulls off into a shaded area.
“Does this happen a lot?” You ask, feeling a tinge of disappointment at the date going ary, knowing it would be just your luck.
“Only when it’s an inconvenience it feels like,” Joel admits, “S’probably an easy fix, though. Pop the hood for me, sweetheart?”
Joel exits the car and heads toward the trunk, grabbing a few supplies as you reach over the driver’s side and pull the lever, leaving him to catch the sight of your ass in the air as you peer over your shoulder, receiving a dangerous look of warning before he laughs.
“Can I help at all?” You ask innocently, suddenly appearing to pop your head out of the passenger window as he peers around at the sound of your voice.
“You like gettin’ dirty?” Joel asks, not inclined to order you to stay in the car if you were genuinely eager to lend a hand, responding with an enthusiastic nod that has plenty of unaddressed double meanings, not enough time to address them at the moment.
"I'm not afraid of a little grease," you say, stepping out of the car.
The evening air is cool against your skin, a welcome relief from the car's stuffy interior.
Joel's already got the hood propped open, his sleeves rolled up to reveal forearms corded with muscle. You find yourself studying the way his hands move with practiced confidence over the engine, the slight furrow of concentration in his brow. It was all so natural.
"Hand me that wrench?" he asks, pointing to the small toolbox he's placed on the ground.
You crouch beside it, fingers hovering over several tools, fidgeting until you find the correct tool and stand to hand it over, replacing it with the flashlight he offered silently.
“Oh, such a prestigious honor,” you say jokingly, clicking the flashlight with your thumb as you smirk, shining the light over the spot his hands were working at.
“Just hold it steady,” he orders casually, surveying the area until he finds the culprit, or at least what he thinks it could be.
“Yes, sir,” you agree playfully, body pressing against his own purposefully as you invade his space.
Unphased, he effortlessly removes the spark plugs and gives them a quick wipe down with a rag, only appeasing the car enough for the night—hopefully, at least.
He silently reaches for the flashlight and trades the appropriate tool and spark plug into your hand, waiting expectantly with watchful eyes. You hesitate, turning the spark plug over in your palm. It's heavier than it looks, coated in a film of oil that makes your fingers slick.
"You want me to...?" your voice trails off, uncertainty creeping in.
"Put it back where it belongs," Joel says, a hint of amusement coloring his tone. "Don't worry, can't mess it up too bad with me watchin' you."
His confidence is contagious.
You lean in, the scent of motor oil and his subtle cologne mingling in a strangely intoxicating way. Your hands aren't as steady as his, but you manage to position the spark plug correctly, glancing up for approval. It shouldn’t surprise you that his eyes have trailed, the skirt showing a peek of your ass as your bare thighs pressed against the cool metal of his front bumper.
"Now twist it in, gentle but firm," he instructs, his voice dropping lower, eyes locked on the site of your soft thighs and the peek of your panties and your carelessness that you were exposing yourself to him currently, dutiful to your destined task at hand, working through the motion with ease as his voice comes through again, “yeah—just like that, sweetheart.”
"Like this?" you ask, voice deliberately innocent as you twist the spark plug into place, making sure your movements are slow and deliberate. The position is awkward, forcing you to bend further over the engine, your skirt riding up another dangerous inch, shirt following as he glances at the peek of your spine and curses under his breath, gripping a flashlight that was no longer pointed at the engine.
Joel clears his throat, stepping closer under the pretense of supervision.
Your fingers work the spark plug into place with growing confidence, twisting until you feel the satisfying resistance of a proper fit.
"There," you announce, unable to keep the pride from your voice. "How'd I do?"
Your smile is beaming as Joel shuts the hood, peering up at his pensive face as you hear the sound of metal against metal as the flashlight rests against the car, his hand smoothing over your backside to fix your skirt back into place, tongue poking at the inside of your cheek with the gesture.
He was touching you and he hadn’t fully realized it or that he’d broken his own rule.
You don’t dare speak, afraid he might recoil.
"Perfect," he says, his hand lingering just a moment too long against the fabric of your skirt, like he’s trying to convince himself to let you go, "You're a natural."
The compliment heats your skin, though you know it's just a spark plug—nothing complicated.
Still, there's something about the approval in his eyes that makes your stomach flutter.
Aside from that, the feeling of the grease on your fingers is slightly unpleasant, something that Joel notices in your face as he nods toward the backseat, “I’ve got a clean rag in the back, go on and grab it while I start ‘er up,”
You nod and follow his order, hearing the tell-tale roar of the engine and noise of delight from Joel as you lean into the backseat and search the seat for the fabric before coming up blank, squinting to search the dark floorboard as you hand slips, tumbling down with a yelp as Joel is quick to turn the car off, pushing out of the driver’s side and suddenly his hands are at your hips, his knee fitting in beside your thigh as he pulls you back, unable to hold back the laugh at your own clumsiness.
Another touch, the feeling of him crowding behind you sends your mind reeling.
“I can’t fucking find it,” you say with a dramatic sigh, pushing back against his groin from where you’re crouched, acting completely innocent as you blindly pat around for the rag, “Joel, do you see it?”
His hands tighten at your hips, a moment of tension settling between you as your body pressed against his. The innocent search for a rag suddenly feels like anything but—his fingertips are against your hips, squeezing into the flesh and you’re feeling particularly coy.
"It's, uh..." Joel clears his throat, his voice dropping to that gravelly tone that makes your skin prickle with awareness. His hands are warm, one reaching past you to feel on the floor for the fabric, "should be right there under the seat."
You feel him shift behind you, the hard press of denim against the back of your thighs as he stretches to retrieve the rag, fumbling until his fingers catch. The car suddenly feels impossibly small, the air thick with something unspoken.
"Got it," he murmurs, but he doesn't immediately move away.
Sure enough, the blue fabric contracts brightly in the dark, resting in his palm.
He doesn't immediately hand it to you, though.
Instead, he slowly pulls you both upright, your back still to his front, the two of you half-standing in the open doorway of the car, your eyes fixed on your hands as you wipe them clean of any grease or oil, ignorant to the internal battle happening in Joel’s mind as he hovers behind you.
You lean more of your weight to one side, hip cocking out slightly as you lean down momentarily to toss the dirtied rag away, fumbling hastily with your skirt to readjust your clothes.
Joel shifts behind you, and you can feel the tension in his body—restraint barely contained.
His hand returns to your hip, this time with purpose, thumb tracing small circles against the exposed skin where your shirt has ridden up still.
"You're doing that on purpose," he says, voice low and rough against your ear.
It's not a question.
You turn your head slightly, just enough to catch his gaze from the corner of your eye. "Doing what on purpose?"
His jaw is tight, eyes darker than usual as they flick from your face to where his hands rest on your body.
“What is it, Joel?” you ask with innocent curiosity, though you know exactly where his words would land, his actions speaking for themselves, “What’s bothering you?”
“Don’t play clueless, sweetheart,” Joel retorts, “ain’t becoming of you,”
“Last I checked, you barely know me,” you respond with a similar bite, turning to face him now, chest to chest, “frankly, the whole saint act isn’t very attractive when all I have to do is get on my knees and beg for daddy—I mean, should I?”
He’s pensive, neck pulsing as he swallows and you shrug, “Whatever—you’re bandaging up my knees then—”
You start to sink slightly, but his hand catching around the expanse of your throat stills you, gasp slipping from your lips as it pushes the air out, eyes locked with his own, his tone taunting, “Yeah,” he nods slightly, eyes squinting as he deciphers your suddenly meek expression, “you gonna let me fuck you out here? S’fuckin’ pathetic, can’t let me treat you like a lady? Take you on a nice date first?”
“Tell me you don’t want to,” you reply softly, choked up with the pressure on your neck, slackening slightly as you land softly against the side of the car, both of your crowded by the open car door, “like you haven’t been touching me all night, what happened to your rules?”
“Different touches, kiddo,” he smoothly corrects and you nod mockingly, a smile slowly morphing on your face, hand move slowly to palm him over the front of his jeans, hard as fucking rock and warm, fingers curling over the thick waistband with a grin that continues to grow, a semblance of wonder on your face.
“Like this?” you ask, squeezing at his cock and his hand leaves your neck, arms bracketing your head as they curl around the frame of the roof behind your back, watching the careful ascent of your hand as it slides underneath his shirt, curling around his abdomen and your blunt nails digging into the skin, earning a soft grunt, “Or, like that?”
You let the moment linger, trailing touches.
“Fuck me out here,” you plead into his mouth, hand back on his jeans and working them open with deft fingers. You don’t give him time to protest before your palm is under the fabric of his briefs, skin to skin and touching him how you know he wants but won’t ask.
He shifts, breath short and hot. “You’re a piece of work, you know that?” His voice is low, a rumble against your cheek as he leans in closer, like he might kiss you or devour you whole.
Both would be fine.
His mouth crashes into yours, and it’s all teeth and heat, hands mapping your body with a kind of frenzy. “Goddamn,” he mutters roughly, like it’s a revelation. “You’re gonna be the fuckin’ death of me.”
You smile wickedly, arching into his touch, “How do you want me, daddy?”
“Get your ass in the backseat, hands in—,” you move accordingly, giggling at his forceful touch as you lean inside, stopped short of your knee touching the seat as he keeps you upright, fingers curling around the damp, sticky fabric of your panties, glistening as he shifts your skirt up, “and—fuck, there’s my goddamn meal.”
You giggle airly, moving your legs as he drags the fabric down and doesn’t give you any time to react before he’s spearing you open with his tongue, growling into your cunt as he presses you forward, raw hunger in every movement. His grip on your thighs is almost bruising, but you crave it, tangling your fingers in his hair as you reach for him from behind, dragging him closer still.
“Fuck,” he groans into you, voice vibrating through every nerve, “ain’t nobody out here to hear you—wanted this so bad and you’re quiet as a mouse,”
It isn’t purposeful, your moans are soft but genuine, eyes drifting shut as he licks through your pussy, feeling the gentle graze of his tongue over your clit as his fingers dig into your flesh tighter.
“Talk to me, baby,” he encourages, a gentle slap to your ass as he squeezes your cheeks and surprises you with a gentle bite to follow the sting before he’s diving back into your cunt, two fingers alongside his expert tongue, “how’s it feel?”
“So good, daddy—oh, fu—” Two fingers, fully engulfed, walls squeezing tight around him and you’re surprised by the sting of it, thick digits a precursor to his even thicker cock, desperate to have him inside of you, “s—so good, I want you to—tofuckme right h—here, please—please?”
The words spill out, moaning as his fingers curl against a particular spot deep inside of you, vision blurring as your teeth bite into your forearm. It’s overwhelming—too much and not enough. You push back against his face, finding leverage in the chaos of limbs and fabric until his name is spilling from your mouth, coming with a weak moan as he licks through your slick, the deft sound of his jeans shuffling down his hips as he’s pushing you further inside the backseat, ass still raised as one of his knees settle into the cushion.
He moves his mouth up your body, leaving a trail of kisses, hot and wet, sucking at the skin just above the waistline of your skirt before straightening up enough to pull it off you completely.
The car cocooned with heat and want, both of you desperate to touch now that Joel’s resolve has disappeared, encouraged by your unabashed need, he’s still finding himself hesitant.
“Don’t worry,” you quell, reaching for the hand tight at your thigh, turning your head back to catch sight of him, his eyes roaming the expanse of your body “I’m clean—safe, it’s not like you have to worry about—”
“M’not,” he chuckles slightly, “I’ve been outta commission for a while—just...wonderin’ if you’re sure about this, don’t want you think I’m just preyin’ on you—”
You shrug, indifferent but your laugh is breathless, high with anticipation and impatience. “I’m preying on you, Joel,” you say. “Now please—”
The words hang between you, a palpable plea that dissolves his resistance and has him settling into you from behind, the weight and press of his hips and hands a burning promise.
He pushes forward slowly at first, teasing your entrance with shallow nudges, driving you wild until there isn't any more space between your bodies and he’s fully sheathed inside of you.
“Oh, fuck,” you gasp, every inch of him thick and pulsing as pleasure overtakes the sting from earlier, Joel makes a choked noise as if to return the sentiment.
“Christ,” he groans through gritted teeth, both hands finding leverage at your hips as he thrusts into you hard and fast, setting a dizzying pace.
It makes your brain melt, any rational thought disappearing as you moan lewdly into the cushion of his backseat, shifting with every sharp thrust, fingertips pressing into the interior of the other door to meet Joel’s eager, forceful thrusts as you push back.
“Fuck, you’re tight, honey,” he mutters, the words a low rasp in your ear as his rhythm grows more frantic, desperate. His grip tightens on you, pulling you closer with each stroke until it feels like your bodies might combine.
You writhe beneath him, desperate for more— the friction, the heat, the way he fills you completely, satisfyingly so. “Don’t stop, daddy,” you plead, and it’s not even a coherent thought anymore, just a raw need that spills out between gasps and broken, pathetic whimpers.
He makes a sound halfway between a grunt and a laugh as he obliges, hips snapping against yours as he pistons into you with an urgency that leaves you breathless. It’s brutal but perfect, the windows fogging up around you as the car rocks under the force of him.
His voice is distant as he speaks, but somehow entirely overwhelming, “Knew you wore this for a reason,” His grip on the fabric of your skirt is tight, pushed out of the way to get a clear view of your cunt as it sucks him in, “beggin’ daddy to look up your skirt, weren’t ya?”
You nod weakly, gasping as he thrusts into you pointedly, somehow more forceful, “You’re makin’ it real hard to be a gentleman ‘round you, baby—use your fuckin’ words.”
“Yes, f—yes, I was,” you whine softly, his thumb grazing over your puckered hole, a soft test of your limits.
“Was what?” he growls, voice thick with hunger. He grips your hips even harder, angling up to hit the sensitive spot that makes your vision blur with each stroke.
The sensation is overwhelming, bordering on too much but just as it nears, Joel yanks you back from the edge and pulls out, swiftly guiding you onto your back, squeezing into the backseat with you enough that he can easily slot himself back between your legs and push inside, this time slow and deliberate.
“I wanted—to, oh—to t—tease you, daddy,” you admit, “I’m s—sorry.”
Joel chuckles at that, a satisfied nod as he guides your hand up around the back of his neck, his hand finding the small of your back and angling you up slightly, “You’re gonna look at me when I’m fuckin’ you senseless,” Joel demands against your mouth before sealing it with a feverish kiss.
You feel weightless as he pounds into you, gripping tight at the back of his neck as your lips part, moaning into his mouth as he swallows up your cries with his tongue, “This what you want?” Joel breathes, his warm breath mingling with yours. “You want daddy to fuck you until you cry?”
You nod frantically, clenching down around his cock in response.
“Let me fuckin’ hear it,” he orders, his own grunts becoming more frequent, restraint waning.
“Yes—yes, daddy, please,” you say softly, weak as the sensation of his fingers fit between your body, his fingers dragging over your clit and circling the sensitive bundle of nerves with a practiced precision that you’ve never felt before.
“Then fuckin’ take it, baby” he growls, grinding against you with a relentless rhythm that has you seeing stars, eyes prickling with tears as your orgasm crests unexpectedly, your voice pitching high as you cry out Joel’s name. He groans as you tighten around him, his thrusts jerky, close to losing it completely.
“Fuck,” he hisses, and you watch his eyes roll back, jaw going slack as he comes hot and thick inside of you. He groans deep in his chest, slamming into you one last time before collapsing against you, bodies slick with sweat.
His breath is hot against your neck, and he gives a final shudder before pulling back slightly, still buried inside you. There’s a beat of silence as you both catch your breath before you’re giggling softly against his ear where he’s slumped against you and he huffs a weak chuckle of his own, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple.
“Shit,” Joel mutters, voice teasing but edged with something real, something raw that makes your heart skip a little too fast under your ribs as he pulls out of you, a devastating loss. “I think you’re tryin’ to kill my old ass,”
You shrug once more, “A beautiful way to go, don’t you think?”
His hand is gentle now as he nods with a smile, skimming down the side of your body as his eyes meet yours, “I hope you’re still hungry,”
“Starving,” you respond in a sultry tone as Joel makes a face, amused but unimpressed by your antics, “Yes—I am,” You try again, clearing your throat, “hungry.”
“Like I said, a piece of work,” he laughs, shaking his head at you, and you feel that warmth blooming in your chest again, “c’mon—get in the front.”
You scramble slightly, watching as he readjusted his jeans and you search for your discarded underwear, luckily finding it with little issue as it was tucked between the crack of the seat.
“Can…I drive the rest of the way?” you ask sheepishly and Joel’s eyes crinkle at the edges with a subtle grin before he’s tossing you the keys.
“Careful with her, probably gonna have to give her a tune up over the weekend,” he tells you, fixing the button on his jeans.
“Need any help?” you ask eagerly, walking backwards toward the driver’s side.
“From you?” he asks in a teasing tone, “Of course, sweetheart."
#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller smut#the last of us#the last of us fic#pedro pascal#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfiction#my writing#fic: drive#fic: in the backseat
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