#not going to get into the specific discourse of the week except to say that something i feel strongly. is that we get to have different

[trans-axolotl2]

Fuck the DSM. Seriously, fuck the DSM.

The DSM is and always has been used primarily as a method of rationalizing mistreatment of the people it labels as "deviant." When you look at the history of psychiatry, it becomes clear that things like drapetomania, protest psychosis, hysteria, and homosexuality as a disorder were not just thrown into there randomly. Rather, it showcases the power of the DSM: labeling and categorizing ways of being as mental illness opens up new paths of incarceration, social control, and curative violence. I need people to understand that the modern DSM still works like this: these classifications of madness/mental distress/neurodivergence into psychiatric labels encourage society to treat madness/mental distress/neurodivergence with the apparatuses used to eradicate "deviance." Diagnosis is not neutral.

As mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people, we deserve access to more explanatory models of madness/mental illness/ neurodivergence than what the psychiatric language of normalcy and disorder offers us. Whether this looks like rejecting diagnosis, embracing varying cultural understandings of mental experience, or any million different ways of interpreting our bodymind, we deserve the option to move beyond clinical language that tries to convince us not to trust ourselves. We deserve to view ourselves wholly, leaving room for all our experiences of madness/mental illness/neurodivergence--the meaningful, the terrifying, the joyful, the exhausting. We deserve to have our own relationship with our madness, instead of being pushed to view ourselves as an inherent "danger to self or others" simply by existing as crazy.

Here's another truth: I hate the DSM, and I still call myself bipolar, a diagnosis that came to me through psych incarceration. While I wholeheartedly reject the DSM and the system intertwined with it, I simultaneously acknowledge and believe that many of the collections of symptoms that the DSM describes are very, very real ways of living in the world, and that the distress that they can cause are very very real. When I say fuck the DSM, I don't mean "Mental distress, disability, and neurodivergence aren't real." Rather, I mean that the DSM can never hold my experience of what it is like to be bipolar, the meaning I derive from experiencing life with cyclical moods. The DSM can't hold within its pages what it's like to see my mood cycle not as a tragedy or disaster, but instead as an opportunity, a gift, to grow and shift and go back to the same place over and over again, dying in winter and blooming again in spring. The DSM can't hold the fact that even though I experience very, very real distress due to those mood cycles--they're still mine and I claim that as something that matters to me. I call myself bipolar as a shorthand to tell people that I experience many things both extreme high and low, but I do not mean the same thing when I say "bipolar" as a psychiatrist does.

When we build community as mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people, I want us to have room to share, relate, and care for each other in ways that isn't calling to the authority of a fucked up system with strictly defined categories. I don't want us to take those same ways of thinking and rebrand it into advocacy that claims to fight stigma, but really just ends up reinforcing these same ideas about deviance, cure, control, and danger. I dream of the day when psychiatry doesn't loom as a threat in all of our lives, and I think part of that work requires us as mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people to really grapple with and untangle the ways we label and make meaning of our minds.

ok to reblog, if you want to learn more about antipsychiatry/mad studies check out this reading list.

[genderkoolaid]

then don't use transmascs synonymously with "anyone affected by transandromisia" maybe? also just because i'm not aligned with the binary doesn't mean i'm "unaligned"/not aligned with anything. there are more options than masc fem and nothing. you're addrsssing exorsexism so well that you're being exorsexist in your discourse and happily reduce all of it to transmascs, either misgendering or erasing us. no wonder we don't feel save with u.

you're not an Allie to nonbinary people affected by transandromisia let alone nonbinary people as a whole if you call all of us transmasc a ur literally out here using "people who experience transandromisia", people who go on T, people who get top surgery etc all synonymously with "transmascs" all the time and think you're not being exorsexism?? My own community misgenders me for what i do with my fucking body. Totally not transphobic. fully erasing us with your language isn't making space for us at all also afab demigirls and similar experience this too. they hate when people move away from binary womanhood. your heder is funny because your advocacy only care about people who are transmasc. yeah the other week someone was transandromisic towards me and i told them i'm not transmasc and they apologised. definitely bigotry is based on identity! only masca are affected 🤡 literally why do you think there are no "unaligned" or even fem nonbinary people participating in that discourse. it's literally a circlejerk that validates each other and erases anyone not transmasc but with identical experiences. you say you're trying not to be exorsexist but look at 90% of your posts/reblogs. fuckin identity essentialism. that's exactly what lesbians do when they claim that certain things are "lesbian specific" experiences but mspec sapphics experience them too, except yours is misgendering too. yet again, nonbinary people are left to fans for ourselves.

Look, I will try to do better when it comes to language, because I do think what your saying has some merit, but have you considered that you can make criticisms without jumping to "you want nonbinary people dead"? And I don't know the exact identities of everyone who has been involved in discussing transandrophobia but I am pretty certain that isn't true. I know there are unaligned, fem, and otherwise not transmasc/transfem people who have talked about it. I am one of those people. I get that you are angry but this is extremely hostile and it does not need to be for us to have this conversation.

Also, these all could have been one ask. Two asks max.

[olderthannetfic]

I’m kind of surprised that the whole heteronormativity BL discourse turned into me hating femme men and wanting every man to be masc. It’s doubly nuts because the story I described that got the brunt of this was one I made because of a certain masculine gay character trope that I really hated, to the point where my idea of fixing it was to basically make him sensitive and soft and a yuri on ice fan, and bullied for his lack of masculinity. If I find myself hating or feeling negatively about any part of a BL story it’s usually because of the actions of the top/seme character.

If a BL is bad, or I don’t know if it’s good or not, or I think there’s any bad writing moments at all, the top is usually the problem. This rule applies even if I think the top is a great character. This applies even if the bottom is a fucking terrorist who crippled an innocent young woman and tortured her for hours and never once grows as a person the whole story. (to be clear I really like the story i’m talking about and would recommend it, halfway across by dracze, but it’s still insane how the top basically NEEDS to be at the more toxic one in the relationship if the story has any flavor whatsoever). I know there are obviously exceptions, I can’t name a single one at the moment.

None of what i’m saying is a criticism of BL or of masc gay characters, i’m just saying that way too many people jumped to one specific conclusion about me based on my words. I really hope this doesn’t turn into discourse about me hating masc gay men and wanting everyone to be femme or some shit. I’d probably rage quit the internet for a week if that happened.

--

You are the only one who can't let this go. Everyone else forgot about it five minutes after it happened... or would have if your ongoing behavior didn't remind them.

--

As I've explained numerous times, people respond to the subtext and vibe of what a person writes as much as to their literal words. You said a bunch of shit that was laden with buzzwords and dogwhistles from communities with bad attitudes. People picked up on that.

You send lots of lengthy posts that are hard to parse and that come out of nowhere. And no, "you don't have to answer this but..." is not the ass-covering you think it is. I have to at least look at the posts in my inbox to evaluate them before they go in the queue. Normally, I don't mind if the same person sends me lots, and I don't care if they're all super interesting, but yours are particularly self-absorbed, boring, and horribly-written.

They're always phrased like "I think X about media Y". They don't invite discussion. They aren't tied to past conversations on here. They don't show the slightest spark of interest in what others think.

You apparently want eyeballs on your writing, both creative and nonfiction asks, but you're incapable of showing genuine interest in others. If these posts are an attempt to interact rather than to just say words in front of an audience, it sure doesn't show in the final product.

The posts people respond better to are just written better, but they are also more obviously part of a dialogue that treats other readers of my blog as peers, not a spigot dispensing free attention.

--

Why should anyone care why you dislike one BL or another? I get that you're trying to prove something about yourself, but why should anyone care about that either?

You are not the main character in other people's lives.

You're treating this like some need to clear your name, but fundamentally, that's assuming any of this matters to other people. It doesn't outside of refuting a given comment on a given post and then, like I said, forgetting about it five minutes later.

--

Every time you ask a new question, it just demonstrates the same lack of clue as before. For example, you recently asked (in part):

"What would changing my behavior look like? I have full plans to write […]"

It does not matter what comes in place of that ellipsis because no one cares what you do in your own art.

No one ever had an issue with your art because nobody has consumed it. And, to be honest, plenty of people have perfectly fine values for things they do. The fact that you do or don't include problematic thing X or proship stance Y in your own art is not proof of anything.

The issue is in how people talk to others about other people's art.

Endlessly trying to bring up your own work just looks like pointless grandstanding. Meanwhile, the vibe when you chat with others here has not really changed. There's still a strong subtext of unexamined assumptions and desire to make everything about yourself.

It's not about swapping out word X or Y. It's about your overall writing ability and command of subtext, which is poor. Really, really poor.

It's also about moronic statements like:

Like would it have made you mad that I said what I said if I removed those words? Because I didn't even mean them I just didn't think long enough to cut them from the post.

"Ooh, I didn't think".

Then don't fucking speak.

Or, if you do run your mouth without thinking, like most of us do sometimes, expect to suffer the consequences and don't cry like a cowardly little weasel when you do.

--

To be perfectly frank, I spend less time trying to promote my own work on here than you do. On my blog.

And I can actually write.

This constant me, me, me, me bullshit is what makes you seem selfish, self-absorbed, and like you're wasting everyone's time on purpose.

[lunas-a-little-looney]

I'm still new to discovering I have a system (just got over that denial bridge a few weeks ago, and have been struggling mentally since (and before) then), and the system discourse online has been very... distressing? I want to lean into safe communities meant for learning about or exploring (my own) CDD, and find some sort of comraderie.

I don't understand what's happening really - I don't exactly understand endogenic systems, but I also don't understand why people would be anti-endogenic. It just seems... hateful. And purposeless.

I've seen tons of anti-endo posts (before I learned what endo meant) that made me terrified to lean too heavily into traumagen spaces (if they could say this about awful stuff about one group of people, what could they say about me? *it is very much a learned response from trauma, but it is what it is I guess*

I guess the point is to ask if you were ever anti-endo, and what has it been like since you started making pro-endo posts? I know it's silly, but I'm trying to figure all of this out and I'm terrified of receiving hate for refusing to hate someone because of how they identify

Thanks (and sorry for the book lol)

- Host

First I want to say it's not silly at all!! Being a newly discovered system is overwhelming and it's normal to want to have a community of those who understand you. It's also normal to want to avoid being harassed and fakeclaimed. I'm happy you reached out! This reply is going to be kinda long (sorry I tried to keep it short) but I did my best to address all your questions. I hope this helps! And I wish you the best on your new journey of self discovery!!

Second I would strongly recommend that you stay away from syscourse if you can. It's really draining and overwhelming even for us and we have a pretty good handle on our system. As a newly discovered system it's going to be even worse.

Unfortunately I don't have any specific recommendations for cdd focused spaces which accept endos (if anybody knows one put it in the replies!) but I will say that pro endo servers, even if they aren't focused on cdds can still be amazing for finding comradery. There will be other cdd systems there and you might find some endos who you relate to as well. Also if you want my dms are open! I'm just one person (well, not exactly) but I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have and suggest ways to help you figure out your system more!

As for why people are anti endo I think it mainly comes down to two things. First is that they think endos are saying they experience the same thing as cdd systems except without the trauma. Endos do not generally claim this*. Second is that people who've spent significant amounts of their lives under attack sometimes they start to see threats where there aren't any.

These systems have debilitating mental illnesses that are criminally misunderstood and romanticized. For them being a system is intrinsically linked with being deeply traumatized, they are not separate. So when they see a community of people claim to have systems but not trauma, they get upset. They feel like that's not possible, because it isn't possible to be a system like *theirs* without trauma. They get frustrated because they think people just want the "quirky" parts of their disorder without the painful ones. That's why they always say endos are faking did, because they can't imagine a system that doesn't have a cdd. They think endos are just people who want to feel special so they claim to have system. Once endos started becoming a part of the community, anti endos felt invaded because now there's a bunch of systems who don't have cdds in the space they thought was for them (keep in mind cdd focused spaces still exist, its just that the plural community as a whole isn't 100% focused on us anymore).

Once they feel invaded, they feel like they need to defend their community and they do that by harassing and fakeclaiming endos. Then they act like psychology is on their side (it isn't) and after that it's just increasing amounts of digging their heels in.

I think it mostly comes down to the misconception that endos claim to have did without the disorder part, and then in trying to defend themselves they turn off critical thinking and just do whatever they can to get rid of the perceived threat.

*There is a world of difference between the experiences of most endos and most cdd systems but it's not black and white. At this point the term "endo" just means anybody who is not completely traumagenic which includes mixed origin systems. Also, some endogenic systems develop cdds after being exposed to trauma, the only difference is that they were plural beforehand so they're still endogenic. There's others too. The main point is that the plural experience is incredibly personal and doesn't fit well into boxes, categorization is useful and it's important that people understand that in general there are real and big differences between endogenic plurality and cdds but there's no hard lines here.

[mallowstep]

Hii! Previous shipping discourse anon here after doing some Thinking(tm). I think the problem that people see in proshippers is not that it *is* dark or deals with sensitive topics, but that's its weirdly...fetish-y? Like, there's a specific breed of anti that I don't like that's that's kaeluc antis(basically, sworn bros v adopted bros)(because their entire argument is a bit sinophobic) but there are ppl who will go out of their way to make them adopted bros anyway so. You can Tell it's a fetish

Oh man I vaguely remember when we were talking about kaeluc on here. Still know Nothing about it but I remember it (for some reason) came up.

…or I read about it on another blog?

Whatever. More to the point.

I’m a strong defender of “it’s cool to like dark fiction just because you enjoy it.” I don’t think anyone needs a justification. We don’t demand people explain why they like watching action movies with blood and death, do we?

But also I know exactly what you mean. Like. Eurgh. I am way too tired to explain my very complex thoughts about human sexuality. But for one thing, adopted siblings falling in love is like. A really old trope. Do I like it? No. Is it a thing? For some reason! (S/o to Cassandra Claire for letting me accidentally read her weird incest fantasy books.) But okay, I think I can say…

There are people who write things purely for porn purposes. I try not to judge those too much, with a few exceptions, mostly what I referenced earlier.

Then there are people exploring themes etc. Which is like. That’s what I do. Actually it’s funny that you used that example because one of my fic ideas includes the line “Why do I want to call you my brother when we’re having sex?” (It’s a joke in context, but explaining that context is beyond the point.) So like yeah they are generally speaking fine in my book.

And then there’s the middle ground where things get murky. It’s clearly not someone just writing something for the purposes of getting off, but it’s also not a sincere exploration. It’s…yeah, it’s something else.

I’m too tired to really wrap this up. Lemme try anyway.

I think a lot of people…okay, this goes back in part to media literacy, but there’s also some current cultural factors here, but a lot of people struggle to separate their intrinsic disgust from actual risk. It’s like — there was a spider living in my bathroom for a while. It kind of terrified me at first but the spider is just chilling. The spider is not an actual harm to me.

And as an author, sometimes I just want to make people feel revulsed and disgusted. God knows I’m familiar enough with the feeling.

Okay I am literally falling asleep as I type. Hopefully this makes sense? I am so exhausted, it’s been a Rough Ass Week in ya boy.

Maybe like. In reference to my previous comment on Lolita, I want people to understand the disgust they feel in response is part of the stories. Stories are meant to be felt. Sometimes horror is part of the feeling.

Oh my god I cannot keep my eyes open why did I think this was a good idea.

I really don’t have a label in the discourse. I don’t care what I am labeled as, so as long as it doesn’t involve misinformation.

K that’s all for tonight but I’ll check my inbox for you in the morning nonnie

[pebblysand]

okay, i'm going on a rant and i might make enemies but honestly this has been brewing inside me for weeks and i can't hold it in anymore.

i've seen a lot of content lately (and this is no one in particular, just a general trend) of people getting mad when fanfic writers 1) try to monetise their craft and 2) try to link their ko-fi/patreon/what-have-you to ao3. the general consensus seems to be that this endangers ao3 as a platform, that these "gen z-s" who aren't scarred by anne rice don't know the risks they're taking, that everyone will get sued, etc.

now, for the record, i do not put my own ko-fi in my a/n-s because a) i do want to respect the rules and, b) i don't really need to make money from ff, but:

i wish people would mind their own fucking business sometimes. if someone wants to take the risk to monetise their work because they need to, then that is their risk to take, not yours. stop acting as though Money Is The Devil. money allows people to put a roof over their heads and food on the table. i've always found it sort of ironic that ao3 keeps lamenting every year about their struggles re:staff turnover and lack of diversity when only very fortunate people with a lot of time on their hands can actually afford to dedicate hundreds of hours of their time to allow them to function. not everyone can afford to work/do art for free. and, sure, we can all agree capitalism is bad but also that is the world we live in. you want to change it? revolt. have a revolution. don't report people to a fucking website.

this is tied to my first point but when it comes to links on ao3 specifically, just because AO3 has been the best site so far, doesn't mean it cannot be questioned ever. for the record, i love ao3. i think it's a great website. it's a fantastic idea. but, after spending an evening looking through their public accounting (yeah, i'm ✨fun✨ like that), i have loads of questions about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they seem to be hoarding year on year and refusing to reinvest to "keep it safe". ao3 as a website are extremely risk-averse in their functioning. that is their ethos. and, it can be a good thing (i'm not denying that) but that can also be a bad thing. we should at least be allowed to publicly debate certain decisions without being called "traitors" who want to bring the website down. it's healthy to debate.

for the love of jesus, mary, joseph and all of the people of jerusalem, stop telling people that if they make money off fanfic they will get sued and die. first of all, the legality of the monetisation of fanfiction is a lot more complicated than tumblr discourse makes it out to be. i don't want to go into too much detail because i have a life but know that: just because you monetise, doesn't mean you will get sued (and lose). at the same time, just because you do not monetise doesn't mean you won't. since these people love quoting anne rice as an example, i will say this: the people who got cease and desist letters, as far as i know, were not monetising. that is because monetisation is one of four factors related to the fair use exception, not The Only One. this is me making an educated guess here but i suppose that when they refuse to monetise, ao3 is actually just protecting itself and its users (again, that ngo, risk-averse strategy). they are not only leveraging that in a potential fair use argument, they are also taking a gamble that the lack of monetisation will discourage lawsuits. this may come as a shock but very few sane people sue each other for no money. it is thus safer not to monetise fanfiction, but not safe. making people believe in that dichotomy is misleading.

building on the above, i think the misunderstanding here comes from the fact that ao3 has become so mainstream and has outdone itself so much that the use of it has superseded its primary purpose. ao3 sees itself as an archive first and foremost, not as a reading tool/content host. its purpose is the safekeeping of History, which is why it's so risk-averse. but, that might not be what we need anymore as a collective. i don't know. but the idea that AO3 is going to get sued and disappear immediately if people start profiting from fanfic is flimsy at best. ff.net runs ads and monetises, so do tumblr and wattpad. they're fine. yes, it is a more difficult position to defend, but not an impossible one. tumblr even lets you put your fanfiction behind a paywall if you want, and the money transits through them. sure, that means that their terms of service push the responsibility onto you to respect copyright laws and defend yourself if you get sued (it's obviously a very different business model) but it is a thing. the fear-mongering about the doomsday of ao3 if anyone at all sought to question their system is ridiculous.

which brings me to my next point: stop blaming this on gen z. who allegedly don't remember what it was like "before," when we all swam in a sea of cease and desist letters and fanfiction websites were collapsing left, right and centre. this is not the first time i make this point online but why are we, millennials, turning into our parents, questioning young people's capacity for intelligent reasoning? even if the above was a realistic picture of the 00s, it was twenty years ago. times have changed. fanfiction has become democratised. we do not know what would happen if people started earning money off fanfiction. we don't know that they would get sued. if they did get sued, we don't even know what would actually happen because very few fic-like cases have been litigated. so let's just step back and let people do what they want.

lastly, a lot of people seem to think that bringing money into fanfic (even the smallest amount) would ruin their enjoyment of it, and would ruin the whole medium altogether. i understand this, i feel it sometimes myself. but, that's sort of a me problem, isn't it? we are projecting our own issues about how we feel money would decrease our enjoyment of fanfic onto other people. but that's for them, not us, to decide. to each their own.

and, bonus point: this is HP specific but if you are one of those people who only buys merch off etsy creators because you don't want JKR to profit and then scream at fanfic creators for trying to monetise, you are making literally no logical sense.

which is all to say: the conversation about the monetisation of fanfiction is a fascinating one, and a very complicated and nuanced one. there is no black and white. i have doubts myself and i have been thinking about these things for a long time. i do still feel very uneasy about the idea of the exploitation of someone else's property by another without their consent. it's tough. but i think it's important to sometimes get off our high horses and see both sides of a story, and feed intelligent discourse, not fear-mongering.

#rantover, thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[shrimpmandan]

I think it's interesting how pre-2022 or so when the average person heard "paraphiliac" they'd picture objectums and/or dendrophiles (writing this unlocked the staggering memory of watching a guy reacting to wikipedia's paraphilia list like cringe compilation style), while now everyone associates it exclusively with pedo/necro/zoophilia and reacts with hatred to the most general mentions of it... I don't actually know why this happened but I'm not a fan

I think it really is just because paraphilia discourse picked up steam in the last couple of years, and a lot of people who do have potentially harmful paraphilias just say they're a paraphiliac as a way of keeping themselves safe. Hell, it's what I do. Being specific would just result in targeted harassment, so it's best to be vague so that people can't use that information to hurt me. And of course, what naturally happened is people began to assume that anyone calling themselves a paraphile in a broad sense was trying to hide something in that vein.

That, and it's not like people ever really liked paraphiliacs to begin with. BDSM is still highly stigmatized, a lot of other unusual fetishes (feet, inflation, feederism, piss/scat, etc. etc.) are pointed at as being "cringy" or "perverted", and that's not even touching on the few paraphilias that sometimes result in criminal behavior, like (nonconsensual) exhibitionism, voyeurism, and frotteurism, and of course pedo/zoo/necrophilia. A lot of people will just assume that because you have a fantasy, that it means you intend on acting on it, when in reality that really isn't the case. It's just that there's far more coverage on offending paraphiliacs (especially regarding the big three) because most would not out themselves publicly in their right mind. Which of course means most paraphiliacs are only outed when they're caught actually doing something heinous, such as looking at CSEM or defiling a corpse. This makes the ratio of offending vs. non-offending paraphiles feel signifcantly higher than it actually is.

That, and of course, criminal behavior of all types is sensationalized. People will go on for weeks about this YouTuber or celebrity admitting to fucking their dog or whatever, because it's good drama. It's basically free money to talk about it, AND you can warn others about a potentially dangerous person. But it still has the unfortunate side effect of dragging other paraphiliacs down with them, because things like animal and child abuse are especially topics that trigger a lot of strong emotions, and so of course people are going to react viscerally if you come off like you're trying to excuse or sympathize with the behavior even the slightest bit. Comparatively, a YouTuber/celebrity being outed as liking feet or inflation is far less likely to get a reaction, because even if it's considered "weird", at least it's not something potentially or tangibly harmful. Exceptions made, of course, for people like Dan Schneider who involved underage persons in his fetish. Sexual abuse is a sensationalist topic. That's why grooming allegations get hundreds of thousands to millions of clicks. That's why the guy who gets outed as being a kid diddler or a cat fucker gets far more negative traffic than the guy who admits to having a piss fetish. That's why paraphilias in general are far more associated with criminal behavior than they are with "fetishists in general".

It's also difficult to talk about how paraphiliacs are treated at all because you'll either have bad actors trying to force themselves into communities that they aren't apart of, or other people misconstruing them as doing that. For example, the times certain pedophiles and zoophiles tried to worm their way into the LGBT community have basically destroyed any conversation you can have about how paraphiliacs of all stripes are sexually oppressed and stigmatized. Or how some people will hear about how paraphiliacs are subject to ableism and take that as somehow comparing disabled or mentally ill people to abusers. This is such an inherently sensitive subject that requires a lot of tact to discuss, and the unfortunate reality is that a lot of people simply don't want to hear it, or the conversation was made infinitely more difficult by genuine apologists and bad actors trying to hide behind paraphilia advocacy as a way of receiving encouragement to abuse and even access to potential victims.

Hell, something interesting I've noticed is the few times I've accidentally stumbled across zoophilia/bestiality forums, wherein anti-contact zoos were basically treated like "pick-mes" trying to appeal to broader society. It's fascinating, and many paraphiliacs (particularly pedos and zoos) tend to not even act maliciously. They genuinely believe the objects of their affection can consent, or that they aren't doing any harm, and so they're forced to maximize their cognitive dissonance and surround themselves with yesmen in order to avoid confronting the harm they've caused. It's... genuinely pretty sad, I think, and is a lot more harrowing than the "these people are just evil and are hurting these vulnerable people/creatures for selfish reasons!" narrative that dominates most outside perspectives of paraphiliacs and sexual abusers.

So between sensationalization, demonization, and flat-out misinformation: of course pedos/zoos/necros are singled out. Those three paraphilias are among very few that are absolutely never consensual, and many people object to just thinking about them because the idea of a child, animal, or deceased love one being violated brings up a lot of visceral emotions. Other paraphilias are easier to justify; "kink is just two consenting adults, why are you so pressed about it?", whereas people are far less likely to jump to the defense of even things like lolicon/shotacon and fictional bestiality or necrophilia porn, because of just how deeply stigmatized they are even in theory. Even when it doesn't harm anyone, it's still seen as decrepit and dangerous, because Westerners especially are conditioned to gauge pretty much everyone by how much of a "potential threat" they could be-- whether this be due to someone's mental illness, race, gender, or any other amount of uncontrollable factors that inevitably lead to you being profiled as being a dangerous person or not.

Anyways I'm genuinely sorry about just how fucking rambly this is. I know there's big blocks of text and it's not really cohesive, but hey, I can barely focus and this gave me something to respond to that I like talking about. I really appreciate this ask in particular, as it's something I enjoy talking about which is why I started sperging about it C:

[oldmanbayou]

getting through a cold spell with chickens

Wow, the discourse on chicken facebook has gotten heated this week! We're getting 2-day cold spell starting early tomorrow morning and the temperature is supposed to dip down to -15 degrees with a record breaking windchill of up to -50 degrees. YIKES. There's a mix of people, mostly newbies, who are unsure if they should bring their chickens inside or give them supplemental heat during this cold spell, and then there's the other extreme: the grizzly tough love old-timer types who say they've never lost a chicken to cold in their 800 years of chickenkeeping, they'll do just fine, and they have to go off on their lecture: "You stupid fools! You'll just kill them if you bring them inside! They can't survive the drastic temperature shifts! Rarrr!!" Seemingly few middle-ground folks, but I suppose that’s the internet. 

For my own personal flock, I've always taken the side of the second group with the old folks, and have found myself in many irritating arguments with people who don't even have chickens but feel a need to call me cruel for refusing to provide heat in the coop or refusing to bring them indoors during cold spells. My chickens are cold hardy as fuck, why on earth would I ever risk burning their coop down or pampering them to death with heat when they were bred specifically for the cold?! And truth be told, they've always done just dandy even on the coldest days. They cope far better with winter cold spells than they do with summer heat waves. (I would like to be perfectly clear though -- I do not judge or fault people who do use heat in their coop. People have their reasons and their own unique circumstances that differ from my own. The reason why this discussion gets so heated in the chicken community is because is NO correct one-size-fits-all answer to this dilemma.)

But this upcoming cold spell is exceptional...While it’s teetering on extreme even for Massachusetts and it might be a record for my birds, we do always get some freak cold spell like this every year and it’s not exactly new to them. And they are pretty well protected from the asinine windchill in their coop. Nonetheless, despite having a few winters now with the hens and having a decent enough understanding of the types of weather extremes they’re capable of enduring, I'm finding myself agreeing with the newbs this time around and vehemently disagreeing with the veterans. 

Do the old folks not know how to do math? Or maybe they haven't gone outside in few months and don't realize it's been fucking March? Cold hardy breeds first need to acclimate to winter before they achieve their cold hardiness points in the winter. They cannot just suddenly have a heavy dose of extreme winter and expect to be as hardy as ever. It was 45 degrees out this afternoon, and has been in the 40s for virtually this entire winter. My fucking hydrangeas have had leaves on them and my mother’s daffodils are blooming. Even people as old as time have NEVER experienced a winter quite like this. You would think the ladies would be well acclimated to winter by February, but no. Doubtful. This year they are acclimated to...40s. Spring. Would the old folks feel concerned if it dropped to -15 degrees in say, September? Just because they’ve survived harsh winter weather before? Let’s not make the mistake that so many chickenkeepers in the midwest made when it was -30 in late fall. My feed was just flooded with gnarly pictures of frostbite that week and grief over dead chickens. We've had a few days here and there where it was in the 30s. That's genuinely the coldest it's been. We've had more days in the 50s than the 30s this winter! It’s been so unseasonably warm that I’ve had a winter layer for the first time ever. Very few nights, possibly none even, have dropped below 20. Going from 45 degrees to say, hypothetically, a 65 degree home for a couple of days (and this is rather generous for a New England home, I think most of us suffer with the thermostat on 55 just to keep the pipes from bursting) -- That's a 20 degree difference. They're perfectly capable of coping with that. But going from 45 degrees to fucking -15?! 60 degree difference. Last I checked, 60 > 20. Shouldn't these old timers who are soooo concerned about other people killing their chickens with temperature shifts in their homes, shouldn’t they be concerned about their chickens dying of shock in this cold?!

So anyway, I’m probably not going to bring them inside, but I am swallowing my pride and resorting to a panel heater in their coop for the first time. JUST to get them through this wicked cold spell. The temperature is going to swing straight back up to 45 on Sunday and stay in the 40s again until the end of time. A panel heater is NOT like a heat lamp (another thing the olds like to wail about any time someone mentions heat for the coop) -- the fire risk is extremely minimal/almost nonexistent as it doesn’t get nearly hot enough to be a concern. It’s just designed to provide radiant heat. It will bring the coop up by 5-10 degrees depending on setting, and the hens need to be near it to even feel the heat so the risk of shocking them is pretty nonexistent even if the power were to go out suddenly.  It sort of feels like an electric blanket to touch. I would not spoil them with this throughout the winter as you really do need to give them some tough love so they can achieve winter hardiness. But, it being February...I’m not really concerned about prepping them for winter at this stage. They’re as prepped as they’re going to get, which unfortunately, I don’t imagine is very impressive...

Whatever happens, whomever is right or wrong, if that even matters....I just really hope my feed isn’t flooded with gross frostbite pictures again in a few days....

[polyjuicedpadfoot]

I posted 448 times in 2022

That's 448 more posts than 2021!

149 posts created (33%)

299 posts reblogged (67%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fuckboyregulus

@squintclover

@elder-millennial-trash

@carlav-blogs

@theresthesnitch

I tagged 343 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#sirius black - 109 posts

#remus lupin - 89 posts

#wolfstar - 88 posts

#em answers - 63 posts

#harry potter fanart - 49 posts

#regulus black - 41 posts

#james potter - 38 posts

#love bomb - 37 posts

#anonymous love bomber - 33 posts

#em writes - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 70 characters

#and to get over my post concert depression after seeing them last week

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Golden Goal

Gift recipient: @siriuslythatbitch​

Pairing: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: ~30k

Description: When Remus gets selected to play on Team Canada in the 2022 Winter Olympics, nothing can bring him down...nothing except being forced to play with his old teammate, Sirius Black, once again. Thrown together on the same team, Remus tries to navigate his past with Sirius while refusing to believe that he's changed...but oh, how Sirius has changed.

Read it here!

40 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

#4

So I have a Greek Mythology AU square on my Wolfstar Bingo card and I’m not sure if I need someone to talk me into Achilles and Patroclus Wolfstar edition or talk me out of it...

48 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

#3

Learning to Trust Again

Gift recipient: @carlav-blogs

Pairing: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: ~30k

Description: Thirteen years after Sirius' life changed forever, he's learned to survive, he's learned to manage and he's learned to raise Harry. Now, going back to Hogwarts to teach while Harry goes back for his third year, Sirius finds his life changing once again, throwing him back into the past with no idea how to deal with it all over again.

Read it here!

53 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#2

WHY IS MY WORD DOCUMENT UNDERLINING MY SWEARS AND SAYING “This language may be offensive to your reader.” BABES A MAN IS GETTING RAILED HERE! SIRIUS SAYING THE WORD FUCK IS NOTHING!

(does anyone know to turn it off??)

85 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Marauders Fandom Discourse

Hi, just some food for thought about what I’ve been seeing spread across the fandom as of late.

The first thing I would like to point out has to do with choosing which content you consume. AO3 does this thing where is asks your consent AFTER you click on a fic if said fic is rated mature or explicit. A message will pop up that says “This work could have adult content. If you proceed you have agreed that you are willing to see such content.” If you agree, you need to understand what you’re reading, what you’re about to see, is ENTIRELY ON YOU. Not only have you decided to click on a fic with that rating, but you have ALSO consented AGAIN to what you’re about to read. You chose that, don’t go blaming it on anybody else because you agreed.

Now, if you have this feature turned off, this means you have given AO3 blanket consent to show you any fic with this rating. Again YOU have given your CONSENT and therefore anything you read under these two ratings may contain adult content and if you have something against that, there are plenty of fics with teen and up or general ratings.

Secondly, AO3 has set up specific archive warnings for some of the more general topics that some consumers decide to avoid. These include major character death, underage, graphic descriptions of violence, and rape/non-con. If you have a problem or feel uncomfortable reading a fic with any of these tags, this needs to be the first thing you check when clicking on a fic. If the author has tagged the fic correctly, it is on YOU to decide whether or not you want to read a fic with whatever warning is present.

Thirdly, an author uses additional tags to warn a reader exactly what to expect when they’re deciding whether or not to read a fic. If the fic is tagged correctly, and YOU decide not to read the tags and something that was tagged pops up that you don’t like, that is on YOU. The author has done everything they could have by tagging the fic, after that, it is up to you to know your limits of what you want to and do not want to read. Some authors will go as far to put content warnings at the beginning of each chapter for their readers, if you ignore these as well, this is on you.

Finally, a general rule across all fandoms, the Marauders one included, is don’t like, don’t consume. If there is a tag, a warning, a trope, a ship, any fucking thing you don’t like in the fic, just don’t read it. Don’t go out of your way to tell the author you didn’t like something that you knew ahead of time would be in the fic. They warned you, you ignored it, it’s on you now. People use fandoms and create content for many different reasons. For some it’s to escape their mind, for some it brings comfort, for some it’s just a bit of fun, etc, etc. Don’t go harping on people for creating something you don’t like, especially if you knew you wouldn’t like it and are now just going out of your way to make them feel bad.

The general message of this post is don’t be a fucking asshole. It is entirely up to you what you consume and how you navigate your own time through the fandom. You curate your own experience and it is no one’s obligation to tend to your own personal desires.

There has been a specific instance that most people are upset about but if you reference my points about, you will realize that the author a) rated the fic correctly, b) added proper archive warnings, c) thoroughly tagged the fic in question. Everyone who is complaining had everything they needed to know before going in and therefore should not be upset when they got exactly what was set up for them.

Now I realize that there are a lot more minors in the fandom that have joined in the past few years, so this is a reminder to anyone who may have missed the message. This fandom wasn’t built off of tiktok and minors, the majority, if not all, the fics you are consuming at the moment were and are written by adults. If this bothers you, write your own fic or find some friends around your own age writing fics and read those. But DO NOT come at the people who built this fandom before you were born and DO NOT disrespect authors when they create this content for free without asking anything in return.

I would just like to say that if you continue this treatment and bully all the creators out of the fandom, I better not see anyone complaining when no more content is being created because of the fear of being cancelled for no goddamn reason.

272 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[justmoonythings]

I never considered my coming out experience to be fortunate. I never thought I would look back one day and say “I was so lucky” But the last couple days have taught me that I was in fact lucky to have come out 8 years ago, and not today. Because seeing how some people treat questioning people, treat the lgbtq community as a secret club you don’t get to go in unless you fit a certain type, and can show for a specific experience you get shunned and kicked out and treated like garbage... I am lucky. Seeing the discourse happening on here, on twitter, anywhere really, made me realize that I would have not wanted to come out today. And not because I consider myself big or important enough to get hate, but because I came out back then, because I had a massive community backing me up for my experience and my choice and my lack of labels and my inability to be true to myself before I was ready.

I came out at the delicate age of 13. I knew I liked the same gender back then. I knew it then and I know it now. And nothing has changed except the labels I don’t wear anymore.

I was raised into religion. Into christianity to be exact. And I was raised protestant. I was raised by going to church once or even twice a week and when I found my sexuality to be NOT STRAIGHT I was at church four to five days of the week.

The first time I heard about homosexuality was through the F-word. My mother refused to address them any differently. My brothers bullied other boys for “appearing gay” and my little sister once told me the thought of two girls or two guys kissing made her want to throw up.

But I still told someone about my assumed sexuality, because I had people online who supported me in a way that I cannot express. They were here when needed and made sure that the lgbt space I learned about was a safe one that accepted everyone who did not consider themselves straight.

From my first girl crush, who I don’t talk to anymore, but still follow on instagram, to a guy I met through fanfics that told me about himself and his boyfriend. People called him a predator because he was older than me, but he has never made me feel anything but safe. He was the one who gave me my first online nickname, and was someone who taught a lot about bi-sexuality. I never met him. I don’t have contact to him anymore. I wouldn’t even know how to reach out to him at this point, but he was a big influence on my life as it is now.

And knowing how I cried myself to sleep for years because of me being queer, and the fight I had with my mother when I came out, and the fact that she still refuses to accpet my sexuality, stings. And I would have never in a million years considered this fortunate.

But here I am, at 22, witnessing as another 22 year old gets ripped to shreds because he does not have the “lgbt experience” or because he doesn’t fit your stencil of a “lgbt person”

Seeing someone my age get ripped apart like this over something that should be supported and celebrated, makes my heart ache. I know this would have ruined me at 13. I know if this is what I had witnessed at 13, I would have prayed to God every single night to make me not gay. 

I would have promised and tried my best to be as straight as can be.

So please, when you sit down and consider hating on someone for their sexual orientation, always remember: They might not see it, but your followers, who rely on safety, they will. They will see it, and read it and they will take it to heart. And you can ruin lives that way. 

And I wanna welcome Dream and everyone who is questioning or unlabled to the LGBTQ communtiy, you are valid and loved just the way you are. Your experience cannot be wrong and I hope you remember that labels are not a necessity.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The White House has a plan for Big Tech

This week, the White House released its long-anticipated plan for addressing monopoly in the tech sector. Fixing Big Tech is important, because a free, fair and open internet is a necessary precondition for organizing all our other fights about human rights, equity, labor, the climate, and racial and gender justice.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2022/09/08/readout-of-white-house-listening-session-on-tech-platform-accountability/

The White House plan is a mixed bag. They set out six action points, each of them amorphous enough that they could all be summarized as “the devil is in the details” — that is, depending on how these are handled, they could be great, or terrible.

But one point stands out as especially fraught, controversial and dangerous: a vague promise of “fundamental reforms to Section 230,” which is incorrectly characterized as “special legal protections for large tech platforms.”

I’m going to go through all six of the points below and describe how they could go right, or wrong, and in the end I’ll get into more detail on 230 — it’s one of the worst-understood areas of internet law, a favored punching bag of the right and the left, and getting this one wrong could deliver permanent dominance to Big Tech platforms.

1. “Promote competition in the technology sector”: This covers both meat-and-potatoes trustbusting (breakups, merger scrutiny) and modern, tech-specific tactics, like interoperability mandates and bans on self preferencing. This is generally great stuff, but there are three important pitfalls to avoid:

i. Interop mandates that expose users to risk through hasty action. The EU’s Digital Markets Act unwisely kicked off by mandating interop in messaging tools on an unrealistically short timeline. Maintaining the security of encrypted messengers is extremely important; failures in messaging encryption are a source of existential risk to human rights workers, journalists and marginalized people all around the world. Recall that Jamal Khashoggi was lured to his slaughter by the Saudi government after they broke into his peers’ encrypted messages using a cyberweapon produced by the NSO Group.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2022/04/eu-digital-markets-acts-interoperability-rule-addresses-important-need-raises

ii. Must-carry rules that force platforms to carry speech. Big online platforms have become our new public square, except that they aren’t public — they’re private. Their choices about which speech to block and which speech to carry are enormously consequential for our civics and politics. But rules that allow regulators to force providers to carry speech they disagree with set a dangerous precedent. Even if you think that the Biden admin’s compelled speech will be fine (say, a rule requiring warnings alongside vaccine disinformation), imagine how this power will be handled by President Marjorie Taylor Green’s administration.

The platforms’ moderation choices are a danger because the platforms dominate our discourse. Allowing the platforms to corner the market for online speech has profound First Amendment implications:

https://locusmag.com/2020/01/cory-doctorow-inaction-is-a-form-of-action/

But the answer isn’t to turn the platforms into an arm of the state — it’s to make their moderation choices less consequential for all of us, by devolving control over community norms to the communities themselves:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/07/right-or-left-you-should-be-worried-about-big-tech-censorship

iii. Self-preferencing bans are very hard to administer. If Apple puts its own weather app at the top of the app-store listings, or if Google shows you an infobox with its weather prediction at the top of a search, that might feel like self-preferencing. But maybe Apple really believes that it has the best weather app. There isn’t an objective standard for “best weather app.” Unless you’ve got a front-row seat for the wall of Plato’s Cave, distinguishing self-preferencing from good-faith curation is often impossible.

That’s not to say that we should tolerate self-preferencing, nor is it to say that we can’t ever detect and punish self-preferencing. Sometimes, tech companies actually document the fact that they’re self-preferencing, as Google did when its engineers emailed their bosses to complain about being forced to put Google’s inferior results ahead of rivals:

https://blog.yelp.com/news/yelp-testifying-in-google-antitrust-hearing/

But we can’t rely on Big Tech tripping over its own dick every time it does a bit of nefarious self-preferencing. The real remedy for self-preferencing is “structural separation”: banning platform operators from competing with platform users. Referees shouldn’t own one of the teams on the field, period.

https://locusmag.com/2022/03/cory-doctorow-vertically-challenged/

2. “Provide robust federal protections for Americans’ privacy.” A no-brainer. The US needs a federal privacy law, with a private right of action that allows individuals (and human rights groups) to sue firms that violate it, rather than waiting for a prosecutor to take up their cause. Do it.

I’m entirely unsympathetic to the argument that “targeted ads” are better than “untargetted ads” because they are “more relevant” to users. Users fucking hate targeted ads. Ad-blockers are the largest boycott in human history. When users are given the change to opt out of targeted ads, they do so in such overwhelming numbers that the holdouts are likely to be people who accidentally clicked the wrong button:

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2021/05/96-of-us-users-opt-out-of-app-tracking-in-ios-14-5-analytics-find/

3. “Protect our kids by putting in place even stronger privacy and online protections for them, including prioritizing safety by design standards and practices for online platforms, products, and services.”

Sounds good. As a dad, I like the idea. But there’s so many ways it can go wrong. California’s version of this rule was so vaguely worded that it’s effectively impossible to comply with.

https://www.techdirt.com/2022/09/06/techdirt-podcast-episode-328-the-problems-with-the-california-kids-code/

It’s not just that this could result in kids being banned from using any online service — it’s also that all online services might institute invasive verification procedures (like requiring and storing — and, inevitably, leaking — government IDs to prove that none of their users are kids).

But the difficulties here don’t mean we have to be nihilists. We can demand that platforms that target kids — that market themselves as services for children — eschew advertising, minimize data collection, and take other steps to protect kids from commercial predation.

5. “Increase transparency about platform’s algorithms and content moderation decisions.” Opponents of this one will claim that telling people how you moderate is a gift to trolls and griefers. I’m unsympathetic to the idea that there is “security through obscurity”:

https://doctorow.medium.com/como-is-infosec-307f87004563

There’s a lot of room for debate about how the “civil justice” system of big platforms should operate. One thing is clear: automated judgments about user speech can’t be balanced by human review. The former happens at scale and near-instantaneously. The latter will either be deliberative and too slow to matter, or rapid and too quick to make sense of nuance.

One intriguing idea is to structure content moderation review as a “systemic” matter, which can address “immoderation” (the content that isn’t moderated) as well as moderation. Note that no one has tried this yet, so while it sounds great, it’s also a gamble:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/03/12/move-slow-and-fix-things/#second-wave

6. “Stop discriminatory algorithmic decision-making.” This one is also maddeningly vague. If they’re talking about ensuring that machine learning classifiers don’t discriminate on the basis of speech, it’s going to be very hard to make work. Remember, algorithmic moderation often operates on the context of speech as much as the content — if a bunch of seemingly coordinated users all post something that seems like harassment all at once, that speech might get labelled or suppressed or deleted. The exact same speech, posted by one person, once, might be left alone.

But there’s another kind of algorithmic discrimination, whose most obvious case is the algorithms that target predatory financial products to Black users, or exclude women and racial minorities from being shown good jobs on employment sites. This is illegal — and we don’t need new laws to prosecute it. But we do need new enforcement powers and resources for existing regulators to tackle it.

All right, that’s the five least controversial points in the White House plan. But I left out point IV: “Remove special legal protections for large tech platforms.”

Here, the White House is talking about Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, AKA “The 26 Words That Made the Internet.”

https://www.cornellpress.cornell.edu/book/9781501714412/the-twenty-six-words-that-created-the-internet/

CDA230 is a rule that says that if a user’s speech violates federal law, legal responsibility for that speech falls on the speaker, not the intermediary that brought you that speech. It’s a rule that makes hosting user speech possible, period. It’s how we get Facebook and Twitter, sure — but also how we get blog comments, Mastodon instances, and other independent platforms.

It’s also how we get the infrastructure that makes it possible for individuals, nonprofits, private groups and co-ops to create their own speech forums. CDA230 means that a hosting company doesn’t need to review all its customers’ users’ speech before hosting them (imagine if every web-page had to be vetted by your host before you could make it live — and then every change also had to go through legal review).

This is important in a competitive market, but it’s even more important in our current, monopolized world, where getting kicked off of a platform might doom a speech forum (and again, if you’re comfortable with this being used to nuke forums that the politicians you agree with get rid of, imagine which forums President DeSantis will target).

Any gun on the mantlepiece in Act I is sure to go off by Act III. If we hand any aggrieved party the right to remove speech without a trial, we can be sure that this facility will be abused by the worst people in the worst ways.

We know this because we’ve got decades of experience with the “notice-and-takedown” system for copyright enforcement, which allows anyone claiming to be a rightsholder to get almost anything taken down from almost anywhere, irrespective of whether a copyright infringement took place.

To see that in action, check out Eliminalia, which uses fraudulent copyright takedowns to launder the reputations of dictators, torturers, murderers and rapists, getting news articles and personal accounts of their victims and survivors removed from the internet:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/23/reputation-laundry/#dark-ops

In Germany, Sony Music is attempting to force Quad9, a public DNS provider, to block the records of websites whose users have allegedly posted links to other websites where infringing copies of Sony’s copyrighted works can be found:

https://quad9.net/news/blog/an-update-to-the-quad9-and-sony-music-german-court-injunction-august-2022/

Sony is a serial abuser of its ability to moderate speech; the company routinely and wantonly deletes independent musicians’ performances of classical compositions by falsely claiming that they violate Sony’s copyrights — in other words, Sony is a music pirate on an unimaginable scale:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/05/22/crisis-for-thee-not-me/#filternet

Our evidence for what a post-CDA230 internet would look like isn’t limited to the copyright wars — for a more recent, more direct look at what happens when you make intermediaries responsible for their users’ speech, look at the aftermath of SESTA/FOSTA.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2018/03/how-congress-censored-internet

SESTA/FOSTA is a (nominal) anti-sex-trafficking rule that creates criminal liability for companies whose services are used in connection with the heinous crime of sex trafficking. The immediate impact of SESTA/FOSTA was the mass, internet-wide removal of sites that sex workers used to keep themselves safe.

SESTA/FOSTA pushed sex workers back onto the streets, deprived them of the forums where they shared information about dangerous clients, and created a renaissance in pimping, as sex workers were forced to turn to third parties for their protection.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/02/fosta-already-leading-censorship-we-are-seeking-reinstatement-our-lawsuit

Curbing CDA230 is especially dangerous in light of the calls for a “fairness doctrine” for online platforms. One of the activities that CDA230 protects is moderation, allowing online hosts to remove harassing, hateful, threatening or otherwise odious speech without worrying that this requires that they remove every such instance.

This allows moderators to distinguish between a racist who calls another user by a slur, and a user who says, “Can you believe that racist called me :slur:?” Before 230 was enacted, courts took the position that once a service moderated any speech, it took on the duty to moderate all speech, creating the perverse incentive to ignore bad speech.

Some say that CDA230 protects Big Tech platforms only to the extent that it protects all online speech forums, including independent ones. But this is wrong. CDA230 protects small platforms more than it protects large ones — because large ones are better situated to hire the armies of lawyers and moderators to pore over and comma-fuck everything their users post.

That’s why Mark Zuckerberg supports eliminating CDA230. As he is fond of pointing out, Facebook’s budget for human moderators exceeds Twitter’s total revenue. He understands that if you need to be as big as Facebook to compete with Facebook that:

a) No company will ever compete with Facebook, and

b) No government will ever make Facebook any smaller.

It’s not just Zuck that hates 230 — it’s also Donald Trump. Trump understands that removing legal protections for intermediaries will make them less able to stand up to rich and powerful people who can hire vicious attack lawyers who pride themselves on suppressing speech:

https://www.thedailybeast.com/60-minutes-boss-hired-law-firm-over-metoo-story/

Trump loves the kinds of lawyers who kept #MeToo at bay for decades, not just by threatening the survivors of abuse, but by scaring anyone who might host their testimony into removing it.

The fact that Zuck and Trump think killing CDA230 is a great idea should at least give its progressive opponents a moment’s pause.

https://www.theregister.com/2022/09/09/biden_tech_reform_section230/

[Image ID: The logo for the White House, superimposed over a Matrix 'code waterfall' effect.]

[lorata]

All of this Joseph discourse makes me wonder: what personal characteristics does he (and other ex-Centre and PK families) respect? Joseph has this whole Thing of wanting Alec not to ask questions, but I've always read him as being disappointed that Alec folds instead of pushing back -- it's like he wants Alec to stand his ground, except not in a way that compromises his status as an authority figure, because abusive parent.

you're 100% on the ball here, Joseph does not want his authority in question because in his head this is a direct line to questioning the Capitol and getting black-bagged but he also doesn't respect pushovers either, and this sort of ... duelling desires in his head lead to the unfortunate Catch-22 that Alec finds himself in

the sad thing is Joseph is specifically a terrible parent for Alec, and like yes Creed suffers under the incredible pressure he's raised under but for the most part he's OK, the Joseph Mode of Parenting works for him. other people might be like uhhhh dude when he calls it "strict but fair" but Creed means it! which is the same reason he doesn't realize Alec had a vastly different experience as a kid.

the problem is (not to shift fandoms, but) kinda like with Thor and Loki, trying to use the same method on both kids when the younger one has drastically different emotional requirements and not listening when they try to tell you what they need

the ironic thing is that there IS a way to push back without compromising Joseph's parental authority and I know this because Electra manages it in the AU where the Sewards adopt her (why? how? don't worry about it that's not relevant right now)

(context for the scene: other kids started picking on Petra after noticing Selene didn't like her and Electra had a talk with her)

Unlike Selene, Electra is never bullheadedly optimistic enough to assume she’s gotten away with anything. When a week passes and nothing comes of it, the only thing that happens is a gradual increase in the dread that follows Electra around every day. She starts adding an extra minute to each of her nightly calisthenics in the hopes that tiring out her body will make her mind be quiet, but it doesn’t work. Instead she lies there, muscles twitching and body limp, while her mind spins and crafts increasingly elaborate disaster scenarios.

She knows it’s coming. She sees it happening on the playground, Selene and her little band of followers, knows she’ll be testing the boundaries of her newly-aware powers. Electra only wishes they’d get it over with.

Unlike Selene, Electra is never bullheadedly optimistic enough to assume she’s gotten away with anything. When a week passes and nothing comes of it, the only thing that happens is a gradual increase in the dread that follows Electra around every day. She starts adding an extra minute to each of her nightly calisthenics in the hopes that tiring out her body will make her mind be quiet, but it doesn’t work. Instead she lies there, muscles twitching and body limp, while her mind spins and crafts increasingly elaborate disaster scenarios.

She knows it’s coming. She sees it happening on the playground, Selene and her little band of followers, knows she’ll be testing the boundaries of her newly-aware powers. Electra only wishes they’d get it over with.

When Dad comes to see her before dinner one night while Electra is doing homework, she’s almost relieved. “Electra,” he says, almost conversational, except Dad never comes up to chat and oh boy, here it comes.

Electra puts down her pencil and waits for it, except he doesn’t say anything. He just stands there, his head cocked to one side a little bit, eyes alert and watchful, and oh no. Electra’s heart takes a plummet toward her stomach, because he’s Peacekeeping her. He’s not going to read her the charges, this is do you know why I stopped you today citizen, and if Electra knows what’s good for her she won’t waste his time.

This sort of tactic wouldn’t work on Selene, Electra can’t help thinking, not a little wryly. Give Alec the opportunity to confess and his own internal guilt will cause him to invent an entirely imagined wrongdoing, but Selene could be standing there with the pieces of a smashed vase hidden behind her back and she’d only smile sunnily and say the wind must have blown the window open.

An odd flicker of defiance runs through her, and Electra sits up straight. “Dad,” she says, lifting her chin.

Dad presses his mouth thin, but it’s not the way he does when he’s angry, more like he’s trying not to let himself make a different kind of face. “Electra, I was talking with Paul, and he had a call from Selene’s principal today. You wouldn’t happen to have given her advice on how to — how should I put this — organize a school gang, would you?”

Electra groans and lets her head drop onto her desk. “That’s not what it was supposed to be about at all!”

Dad lets out a delicate-sounding cough. “Why don’t we take a walk and you can tell me what happened.”

Turns out Electra is too agitated for a walk, she keeps trying to murder every pine cone they come across, so after she stomps on the fifth one in a row Dad laughs and suggests sparring instead. That works out much better, and Dad doesn’t try to talk to her until Electra has stopped flinging herself at him and trying to take him out at the knees.

She explains the whole thing while ducking and darting in for quick blows, and Dad at least doesn’t scold or laugh, so there’s that. “I didn’t mean to encourage her to start a gang,” Electra bursts out finally. “I just — I wanted her to understand that her words have power.”

Dad pauses, catching her fist before it hits him in the ribs. “Well,” he says with quiet dignity, “she certainly got the message.”

Electra shoots him a betrayed look for half a second, then lashes out and kicks him hard in the kneecap. His leg buckles, and before he can catch himself, Electra wrenches her hand free, dashes around behind him and jumps onto his back, locking her wrists below his chin and her legs around his waist.

“You said!” Electra screeches, yanking back as Dad struggles to find his footing. One hand hits the ground and she counts that as a victory, singing hard and triumphant in her head. “We have privilege and our words have power and we always have to be aware of what we say and who we influence! You said! I was trying to do the right thing!”

Just like that Dad flips her over, and somehow Electra is on her back with Dad’s hands on her arms, pinning her to the ground. “You’re right, I did say that,” Dad says, a little breathless, and his eyes crinkle at the corners. “And you very much tried to do the right thing. You only forgot one crucial element, that’s all.”

Electra glares at him for a second, breathing hard, but Dad’s hands are strong and steady and there’s a hint of a smile on his face, and the last of the anger fizzles and dissolves. “Selene,” she says, letting her head fall back against the ground in defeat. “I forgot Selene.”

“Precisely,” Dad says, chuckling. He lets her up, then pulls her in for a one-armed hug and even presses a quick kiss to her forehead. “It’s not your fault, Electra. More formidable forces than you have been brought low by the powers of that girl.”

Electra sighs. “At least she listened,” she says. “She isn’t bullying Petra anymore, and she does understand why she shouldn’t, not just because I said so. So I did something right, at least.”

This time Dad laughs outright. “Don’t worry, her father can handle her. And frankly, if that administration can’t handle a little bit of playground dictatorship, they have no business running a school in the central Program district. Come on inside and let’s get ready for dinner.”

They stand up and brush the grass off their clothes, and Electra glances at him. “I’m sorry I choked you.”

That makes Dad stop, and he gives her a hard look, one eyebrow raised. “Are you?”

Electra freezes, wets her lips. “… No.”

“Then don’t apologize,” Dad says. “Own your anger, and your actions. If you regret the outcome, don’t make a mockery of your good word, do something about it.”

Electra takes a minute to consider, and Dad gives her time. “I’m not sorry I choked you, but I shouldn’t have done it,” Electra says finally. “It was immature and I know better. I’ll do all the cleanup after dinner tonight.”

This time Dad smiles at her, warm and genuine. “Much better,” he says. “Now let’s get inside before we make everyone wait for dinner.”

Electra beams at him, and Dad ruffles her hair, and they head into the house together.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 324: Is There a Force Field Around Him??

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal was all “please tell Midoriya that I spent a concerningly small amount of money upgrading U.A. into a wacky physics-defying funtime grid so as to make the final battle much more confusing for everyone.” Present Day!Mic (or Present!Mic, if you will) and Jeanist were all “if only somebody could deescalate this dangerously unhinged mob, we’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas.” Ochako was all “LISTEN UP PEOPLE.” The mob was all, “god??” Ochako was all, “NO, IT’S ME, OCHAKO. I’M REALLY HIGH UP ON THIS BUILDING AND THE VISIBILITY IS LOW DUE TO THE RAIN, SO I CAN SEE HOW YOU MIGHT MAKE THAT MISTAKE. ANYWAYS, DEKU WAS OUT THERE RISKING HIS LIFE FOR YOU CLOWNS EVEN THOUGH HE’S JUST A KID, SO I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD ALL REMEMBER HOW TO BE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS, THANKS.” Let’s see if her Big Scolding Energy has any impact.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so I have this speech planned out, and it’s really good, but it also only really needs about 6 to 8 pages, but I’m gonna see if I can stretch it out to 17 pages so I can kill time before we get to the next volume cliffhanger two weeks from now.” Anyway but it really is a good speech though. There are feels, and tears, and more talk about how Deku is so in need of a shower that just looking at him requires a tetanus booster, and more feels, and more tears, and bonus ship drama, and an iconic callback to the very first chapter which reframes the entire series in a new context in a totally epic and moving way, and it’s all very good. Except that Horikoshi is determined to never let anyone actually give this kid a hug. Who hurt you, dude.

omg we are opening on a callback to chapter 212, a.k.a. the chapter with by far the cutest flashback that doesn’t involve any baby Todorokis

baby Ochako is lethally cute. she could literally murder someone with her cuteness. I just want to scoop her up and play airplane with her until she accidentally activates her quirk while we’re spinning around and we both helicopter up into the air never to be seen again

“a child’s insistence” huh well that’s all well and good, but I sure hope this doesn’t mean we’re going to drag out the whole “sternly lecture the obnoxious citizens” plot for another whole chapter. no offense but I think we’re good

so page 2 is just continuing the whole happy/worried faces monologue, which of course is very important to Ochako’s character as it provides the context for why “who protects the heroes” ended up becoming her thing. and this is making me think we actually are in for a whole second chapter of this sob. when will my boy finally get to rest

OH MY GOD SUDDENLY THESE PEOPLE HAVE EYES IMAGINE THAT

HORIKOSHI: [reaches for a box of tissues while tearfully penning an homage to his beloved Spider-Man 2, specifically the train scene where the crowd sees Peter without his mask and they suddenly realize just how young he is]

HORIKOSHI’S HOMAGE SCENE: “COME TO THINK OF IT, I GUESS IT WAS KIND OF MEAN FOR US TO PICK ON THIS TEN YEAR OLD KID WHO WEIGHS 75 POUNDS AND LOOKS LIKE HE LOST A FIGHT WITH SATAN’S MOLDY OLD BASEMENT”

lol at this one guy who can feel the mood of the crowd shifting and is all “WAIT, NO, I WANTED TO KEEP BEING AN ASSHOLE DAMMIT”

as many pointed out last week, this man is wearing an All Might shirt. that’s some fantastic irony there

-- SDKFJWIGKS

“LITTLE GIRL, I HOPE YOU’RE NOT SUGGESTING THAT WE SHOULD ALL BE WALKING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A SOVIET-ERA BUS STOP.” heh. last week I said I was ashamed of BnHA being my favorite manga. that was a lie, actually

(ETA: in the original Japanese Ochako’s next two lines are basically “the only ones covered in mud will be us heroes!” followed by “please give us some time to get rid of the mud”, with that second line basically being the single funniest thing I’ve ever read rdslkjl. Ochako thank you so much for supporting my running gags. “YEAH WE KNOW HE’S DIRTY. WE ARE GONNA TRY AND CLEAN HIM UP, BUT IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, I’M JUST SAYING. I MEAN LOOK AT HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE AN ASBESTOS COSPLAY.”)

doesn’t the megaphone kind of look ever so slightly like an axe that she’s wielding maniacally here

easy there Lizzie Borden

also that’s a really bold claim to make there. and not one she necessarily should have to make, either. but as we all know, there’s nothing that shounen manga likes more than having its heroes bravely hoist heavy burdens of responsibility like good self-sacrificing citizens

p.s. lowkey loving how Kacchan is positioned here standing slightly behind Deku. not presuming to stand in front of him all overprotectively (because he would hate if anyone ever did that to him), and kind of being unobtrusive and letting others take center stage -- but still being close enough to Deku that he can catch him if he stumbles or passes out again

(ETA: or maybe not lmao.

DEKU: [falls to his knees]

KACCHAN: [glancing up from his phone a few minutes later] “someone just sent me the stupidest meme about milk crates -- oh. uh. you good...?”

really, son. “the burdens you can’t carry, we’ll carry them for you. ...later, I mean. right now it’s late, and we’re all cold and wet.”)

also lowkey loving this OchaTsu moment here

I was going back and binging Ochako chapters this past week for reasons, and I gotta say it really stuck out to me just how often these two are paired with each other. they do everything together. it’s a really sweet friendship that often goes unappreciated but it’s very cute

meanwhile, not to be outdone by the OchaTsu, Iida is staring at Ochako with open admiration talking about how she’s fighting too. it’s been so long since we’ve had any IidaRaka you guys. I was starving and I didn’t even know it

oh my lord IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING

THE LIGHT IS BACK. he finally looks like him again. what a cathartic fucking moment omg

ffklkdw

“I KNOW YOU ARE ALL SCARED, BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, WE DEFINITELY CANNOT GUARANTEE YOUR SAFETY AND WE ARE ALL SCARED TOO!” good pep talk there kiddo

BUT, jokes aside, truth be told this is the exact right approach to take imo, and something that’s long overdue. I’ve said this before, but this new generation of heroes is shaping up to be much more transparent than the All Might generation. they’re basically abandoning the almighty, untouchable Superman “heroes as gods” concept in favor of the more nuanced “heroes as people” concept instead. and that’s a good thing. seeing their heroes as humans, with human limitations and weaknesses and flaws, will hopefully not only lead to more scrutiny and accountability, but also more awareness of how hard some of them are working and how much they’re sacrificing. that’s something All Might never quite grasped back at the start of the series -- that the weak, vulnerable, injured him could be just as inspiring as the mighty, invincible him -- perhaps even more so. there’s a power in seeing otherwise ordinary people show extraordinary bravery and compassion. it inspires others to try and do the same

SSDLHK AIZAWA SIGHTING AAHHHHHH

so he was still back at the hospital this whole time?? smdh at this disrespect. that feeling when your sexy self-insert character’s powers of rationality are too strong, and so you have to nerf him so that he doesn’t ruin your Deku Angst arc twice over by (1) immediately talking some sense into Deku and making him come home Right This Instant Young Man, and (2) not allowing him to leave U.A. in the first fucking place. excuse me, you want to do WHAT now, Midoriya?? that’s it, go to your room

also living for Katsuki and Hawks’s soft expressions. Shouto’s too, although his is tinier and harder to see. and Jeanist’s 12-foot-long neck. imagine Jeanist’s head with Mic’s hair. maybe Jeanist had a mohawk back in the day and that’s why U.A.’s doors are so big now

speaking of soft faces, Enji’s is also excellent

what could this random close-up possibly imply?? hell if I know. but Horikoshi truly fears no discourse and that’s what I love about him

OMGGGG

“smh my child is so dumb.” poor Ochadad. your child is cute af count your blessings

SDOFFHSMH

I’m telling you guys. lethally, catastrophically cute

this speech is still ongoing lol. Horikoshi you’re doing so good but I think we get the point now my dude. you gotta learn how to transition out of these things

UNEXPECTED TOGA WHAT

“there we go” Horikoshi says, crossing off the last line on his list of Ochako ships. “that’s all of ‘em”

poor Ochako is just repeating the same “LET HIM REST, PLEASE, WITH EVERYONE’S COOPERATION, IF YOU DON’T MIND, WE APPRECIATE IT” talking points over and over again hoping someone will throw her a bone and acknowledge her already. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HER

literally they’re all just staring up at her silently omg. work with me people!!

now she’s saying it for the 56th time but more dramatically all of a sudden

they got so dramatic that for a minute I thought she had suddenly leaped off the building or something

look, not to rush you or anything Horikoshi, but I’m starting to get the feeling that this is yet another one of those “the volume is ending soon so I need to either hurry things up or slow things down in order to make sure we end it on my perfect cliffhanger ending” chapters where you go to ridiculous lengths to drag things out much to the exasperation of your week-to-week readers

(ETA: ftr, volume 31 ended on chapter 306, and I’m predicting that vol. 32 will end with chapter 316 (a.k.a. “you’re next!” [explodes]). I’m guessing vol. 33 will follow suit and likely end on chapter 326, so keep your eyes peeled for a big cliffhanger in two weeks’ time. Deku’s dad?? All Might in peril?? U.A. traitor at long fucking last?? we shall see.)

is Deku straight up falling in love with Ochako right on the spot lol what is happening

I know I just said that I enjoy when Horikoshi gives zero fucks about discourse, but shipping discourse is a whole different beast lol. I hope he’s prepared

(ETA: and for the record, I have no interest in shipping discourse either, as always. and I think this scene can be interpreted as platonic, tbh, with the context being that Ochako was literally introduced as someone who was willing to help him so casually without a second thought, and now here she is saving him again.

I don’t think it really fully hit Deku until this moment how much he needed saving. like I said in another meta somewhere, selflessness is basically just selfishness on behalf of others. and Deku is selfless to a fault, but that’s okay, and it doesn’t mean he needs to change -- he just needs friends who are willing to be be selfish on his behalf in turn. and I think the full emotion of what it means to have friends like that just hit him at last. everything his friends have done for him, how much he needed it and didn’t even realize, and how grateful he is. anyways what a terrible day for rain.)

-- son of a --

is he apologizing?? or pleading?? please tell me that’s not the case, because what the actual fuck. Deku you beautiful precious radiant selfless child, this is the exact opposite of how this should be. all these motherfuckers should be on their knees apologizing to you

DEKU WHY

I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS FREAKING BOMBARDMENT OF EMOTIONS GODDAMIT. OUT HERE ARMED WITH YOUR FREAKING TREBUCHET OF FEELS TO LAUNCH AT ME UNPROVOKED. WHAT’S WITH THAT

FREAKING CHRIST. THIS BOY IS CRYING HIS EYES OUT AND HORIKOSHI IS JUST ZOOMING IN WITH THE CAMERA, LIKE CAN WE JUST CUT HIM A BREAK ALREADY. ENOUGH OF THIS. HE’S SO YOUNG AND HE TRIES SO HARD AND I JUST NEED HIM TO FEEL SAFE, HORIKOSHI PLEASE CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME THAT ALREADY WHAT IS THE FREAKING HOLD UP!!

GIGANTIC FOX LADY!!!

GIGANTIC FOX LADY PLEASE BE MY HUGGER BY PROXY!! SERIOUSLY GIRL IF YOU JUST HOLD YOUR UMBRELLA OVER HIM OR SOMETHING AND DON’T GO THE EXTRA MILE I’M ABOUT TO LODGE AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT. THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS NOW

!!!!

A KOUTA IS GOOD TOO!!! oh my god if Kouta hugs him I will seriously 100% straight up cry. go on and test me

FOR THE LOVE OF --

is this man expressly forbidden from drawing hugs in his contract or something. DO YOU DO IT JUST TO SPITE ME?? this is tyranny, sir

AND I KNOW, THIS PAGE ACTUALLY CHALLENGED THE VERY PREMISE OF THE SERIES ITSELF, AND HERE I AM COMPLAINING ABOUT HUGS, OR THE LACK THEREOF. “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes.” and just like that, he waves a polite middle finger at all of the Strongest Greatest Chosen One shounen protags of old, in favor of something much less conventional, much more interesting, and much more suited to Deku’s character. because if that one sentence doesn’t just sum up Deku to a T. he gladly relinquishes his Greatest Hero status in favor of acknowledging the hero in everyone. what a class act. that’s my protagonist

I love this kid so fucking much I swear. only just PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. GIVE HIM HIS HUG

[calebwittebane]

its impossible to talk about being a survivor of incest with anyone except other survivors of it and by that i mean youll still find lots of people among them with 0 compassion who project their internalized victim-blaming and self-loathing onto others as a coping mechanism. its impossible to have any kind of constructive discourse about it openly because everyones so focused on loudly projecting their personal opinion on What Should Be Done and how disgusted they are and whatever cospiracy theory is trending this time. everyone wants to punish offenders and no one wants to listen to survivors, because its easier to sound like a tough guy being Hard On The Bad People than it is to show empathy and listen even if its difficult and contradicts what youve been made to believe. the preferable state of things for the general public is Never Talk About It. shooting squad for the messenger. to say that the legal system is no help is such an understatement, most of us dont even begin to think about bringing it into the situation in the first place. we're too busy surviving and being so fucking alone and made to feel absolutely crazy 24/7 and understanding that if you even try to open up a little too much youll be shunned by people you thought you could trust. in the end youre just left apologizing to people for being such a bummer all the time. or you try not to be and you feel like a wild animal performing for an audience that would have you put down if you stopped being entertaining. everyone and their mother seems to have an opinion on what youve been through and topics related to it like its a pineapple on pizza type debate. like they dont have to know anything, like theres nothing to know. to them its so simple: some people are bad and do bad things and what matters is punishing those bad people and what also matters is their potential future victims we have successfully protected by doing so. it doesnt matter that most of those bad people are made up, and the real specific ones that are brought up dont even constitute 1% of the actual offenders. and what especially doesn't matter is the existing victims. especially the adult victims. the adult victims who cant get a job, who are unstable, who dont even know how to talk about their experiences, who aren't able to just valiantly hide everything and then go to therapy once a week and cry their eyes out. the adult victims who want to talk about their experiences but no one wants them to. the adult victims you cant hold and pity and lament how small and defenseless they are, because to see the smallness and defenselessness youd have to look past the grown adult in front of you and this just doesnt have the pathos. this is just a pathetic weirdo who needs to grow up. a pathetic weirdo whos so joyless and potentially dangerous for being critical of the construct of The Family, who just wants to be miserable, who has ideas and thought processes and experiences no one wants to hear about. whos probably making it all up anyway. i mean they didn't talk about it for so long. they spent painful decades sleepwalking through life and pushing everything into a small dusty corner of their mind and cut themselves into smaller pieces every day all so they could avoid ruining everyones fun, everyones family photos, everyones memories, everyones day, everyones mood. they made it up for attention.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: Fic snippet proposed by @myakkoh​ (tumblr) or BlueSapphire718 (ao3):

“I’m what?” Lan Qiren squawks, since this is the first time he’s heard anything about this. “Sworn brothers with me,” Wen Ruohan drawls. “A memorable night, really.” Lan Qiren stares. “What.” “What’s wrong?” Wen Ruohan sneers. “Can’t speak properly to Da-ge?” “You,” Lan Qiren says, “cannot be Da-ge. It sounds wrong.” “Oh?” “You, are two generations older than me. I am only sixteen.” “All the better,” Wen Ruohan says smoothly.

------------------------------------------------

Spilled Pearls

A/N: If Tedious Joys is the story of LQR's relationship with Sect Leader Nie and how WRH impacts that, then this is the story of LQR's relationship with WRH and how Sect Leader Nie impacts that.

Please note the tagging on Ao3 for all warnings, including as to tone

- Chapter 1 - ao3 -

Lan Qiren was running to catch up, because he was always running to catch up.

He’d only been allowed to join this particular night-hunt because of Lao Nie’s interference – his brother hadn’t wanted him there, specifically because Lan Qiren was slow and overly fixated on details and not all that handy with a sword – and he was determined not to fall behind. But he was slow, as always, and tired more easily than the others, and then he got distracted and realized a considerable distance had opened up between him and the rest of the group.

He ran to catch up –

He tripped.

He was going to fall flat on his face, he realized as he pitched forward, throwing his hands up in front of his face to try to blunt the pain since humiliation was already a given. He probably wasn’t far enough behind for them not to see this, and then his brother would turn his face away and sigh, aggravated, his shoulders slumping in disappointment at how Lan Qiren had lost him and their sect face all over again.

Lan Qiren was so bound up in his gloomy thoughts that it took him a moment to realize that he had not, in fact, hit the ground.

Someone had caught him.

Even now, they were holding him by the shoulder, keeping him from falling the rest of the way down with a single hand; the posture was awkward, and must be uncomfortable for them.

Lan Qiren straightened himself up immediately and dropped into a deep salute. “Thank you for your help –”

He looked up.

“…Sect Leader Wen,” he finished weakly.

He stared briefly up into red eyes before averting his gaze. He’d thought it was Lao Nie who’d come back to help him, and out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw the familiar Nie colors turning back to the group – perhaps he had come, and was now leaving, since help wasn’t necessary any longer.

He hadn’t expected it to be Wen Ruohan, an ancient monster two generations his elder despite his deceptively youthful face – he hadn’t even realized that Wen Ruohan had decided to tag along on this night-hunt, though of course once he thought about it, it seemed perfectly reasonable. He, like all the other sect leaders, was here for the discussion conference, and a small forest town in the vicinity of the Cloud Recesses did not offer much in the way of other entertainment for outsiders. Why shouldn’t he come along on the night-hunt?

“It’s no matter,” Wen Ruohan said, and it probably wasn’t, for him. Someone with his level of cultivation could hold a kid like Lan Qiren up for a week without noticing the strain. “Did you get distracted by something back there?”

“Small blue flowers,” Lan Qiren said. “Typically associated with certain healing herbs, none of which are native to this area, and growing under an oak of all things; I was wondering if the placement had been deliberate and, if so, by whom and for what purpose. Not to mention when, since those aren’t perennial herbs; they have a longer growing cycle that requires certain meteorological conditions –”

“Aren’t we hunting serpent demons today?” Wen Ruohan asked, and Lan Qiren flinched.

They were, of course. And serpent demons wouldn’t exactly take the time to go plant healing herbs in a wild patch, so it had been a totally pointless diversion.

As usual.

“I got distracted,” Lan Qiren mumbled, his earlier enthusiasm squashed. “I’d say it won’t happen again, but it probably will, and do not lie is a rule.”

Wen Ruohan gave an amused huff. “Ah yes, the famous Lan sect rules. Do you often follow them?”

“Always!”

A hum. “I see. Well, the others have gotten rather far ahead, and I hear the sound of fighting – they must have already found the serpent demons, and will no doubt finish them off by the time we catch up.”

So he’d missed it. Lan Qiren’s shoulders drooped in disappointment.

“Why don’t you show me your flowers, instead?”

Lan Qiren looked up. Wen Ruohan was smiling.

“If you’re sure,” he said cautiously, but Wen Ruohan shrugged and nodded, and, well, Lan Qiren was supposed to be making friends with the members of the other sects, wasn’t he? Maybe no one had been thinking about the Wen sect, especially since Wen Ruohan’s last set of children had all died – someone had broken the prohibition on gossip in Lan Qiren’s presence and suggested that Wen Ruohan had something to do with that, rather than it being just bad luck, and that he’d done it because he thought he was a real immortal and therefore could always start anew, but the idea was so appalling that it surely couldn’t be true – but there wasn’t any real reason to exempt his sect or even him, either. Friends were friends, weren’t they? “It’s this way. Follow me.”

Wen Ruohan put his hands behind his back and followed Lan Qiren back towards the tree he’d found, his every motion slow and stately as if he were walking in a garden rather than the forest. Lan Qiren found himself mildly jealous.

To distract himself – envying others was against the rules! – he started explaining about the flowers he’d recognized and the types of herbs he thought the plant might be, citing the treatises he’d read about their usual spread and growing patterns and the uses for each one. Somewhere along the line he got distracted, though, because Wen Ruohan mentioned something about the Lan sect rules again, except he got it wrong; there was no rule against excessive verbosity, only against frivolous speech, and while there was a positive rule that counseled speaking meagerly, that was explicitly meant to avoid words that could bring harm and therefore did not apply to intellectual discussions.

Delighted as always to talk about his favorite subject, Lan Qiren promptly launched into an explanation as to the history of the debate as to whether there should be an affirmative prohibition against excessive speech, the various points on either side, the historical texts on the subject, the storied history of the rules regarding the need for an exchange of ideas in furthering education balanced against the exhortation not to take words lightly…

“Look at me,” Wen Ruohan said, and Lan Qiren obeyed at once. Wen Ruohan was his elder, although not of his sect, and by this point Lan Qiren was used to elders disapproving of how his flickering gaze tended not to settle on people and his preference to look at things through his peripheral vision, and of being ordered to meet their gaze.

Wen Ruohan’s eyes were red, as he’d noticed before, and his gaze was heavy and thoughtful, somehow ponderous. It felt almost like pressure against his skin or maybe his mind.

Maybe I should change subjects or be quiet, Lan Qiren thought to himself, the thought coming to him almost involuntarily, but then he realized that if he did, Wen Ruohan wouldn’t hear about the three-day conference that had been held in his great-grandparents’ generation that specifically focused on the rules that related to speech. And that would be an awful shame, wouldn’t it?

So he kept going.

He kept up the eye contact, though. The elders didn’t always like that, either – when he did hold someone’s gaze, he would stare too directly and too long, not knowing when it was appropriate to turn away, but he figured Wen Ruohan would simply tell him. He’d reminded him about the eye contact earlier, hadn’t he?

“How old are you?” Wen Ruohan suddenly asked, just as Lan Qiren was taking a deep breath, having finished explaining the conference and about to launch into a discourse on the follow-up texts that had been written in the immediate aftermath.

Lan Qiren blinked, distracted by the apparent non sequitur. “Thirteen,” he said.

Wen Ruohan hummed thoughtfully. “Thirteen. Interesting.”

“Is it?” Lan Qiren asked, bemused. “I think it’s a rather boring age. I’m old enough for more chores, but not old enough to have free access to the library or go on night-hunts on my own.”

Wen Ruohan chuckled. His voice was very deep. “I was more commenting on your strength of mind, which is remarkable for your age. I do not recall the age itself,” he said, his tone a little dry. He was ancient, so it was reasonable for him to forget having been thirteen. “Has anyone ever told you about the ways in which cultivation can be used to influence the thoughts and will of others?”

Lan Qiren thought about it. “I think so? There’s a text that says that weak-willed cultivators can be swayed through external pressure wielded by a stronger person’s cultivation, and the larger the power gap between the cultivators, the more effective the influence can be…I don’t remember which text it was, though. I could look up the citation for you when we return –”

“No need. I am not in search of sources.”

Wen Ruohan probably had his own library full of sources, Lan Qiren reflected, and nodded.

“Oh, we’re here,” he said, noticing, and pointed to the flowers. “See, like I told you earlier, it has the characteristic qualities of –”

“Qiren!”

Lan Qiren flinched.

That was his brother’s voice, and he didn’t sound happy.

“Sect Leader Wen,” his brother said, striding into the clearing where they were standing and saluting in a somewhat perfunctory fashion. “I appreciate you taking the time to watch over my younger brother – please forgive him for any impertinence or insult –”

Lan Qiren’s shoulders were up by his ears and his whole face was red with shame. He hated how his brother apologized for him before he even checked whether Lan Qiren had even done anything; it was embarrassing that his brother always thought so little of him.

Maybe he wasn’t talented the way his brother was, but he wasn’t that bad, he didn’t think.

“Think nothing of it, Qingheng-jun,” Wen Ruohan was saying in return. “We were merely spending some time together. I assume the serpent demons have been taken care of?”

“Yes, they have,” Lan Qiren’s brother said. “There’s some debate regarding the disposition of the corpses, if you’d like to join in – forgive us both, but I have to take my brother back to make sure he doesn’t miss curfew.”

Curfew wasn’t for another two shichen, so Lan Qiren had no idea what his brother was talking about, but he obediently saluted Wen Ruohan and followed his brother away.

The moment they were out of view, his brother reached out and grabbed him by the wrist, squeezing far too tightly, and tugged meaningfully, glaring when Lan Qiren opened his mouth to protest.

Lan Qiren didn’t understand what his brother was trying to convey.

“Xiongzhang,” Lan Qiren started to say, and felt his lips abruptly seal together – it was the muting spell. He could break it, of course, being a member of the Lan sect as well, but his brother was his elder; he should wait patiently until he removed it. Still, he was a little indignant that his brother felt the need to use it on him. He didn’t even know what he’d done wrong!

(The glare, he thought. The glare must have been a secret message to not speak, and he’d missed it.)

His brother didn’t say anything as they got on their swords, and he didn’t let go of Lan Qiren’s wrist, either, tugging him along as if he thought Lan Qiren was stupid enough to get lost on the way home. A feeling of shame, the sensation of having made some terrible error and not having realized it again, settled in Lan Qiren’s belly and steadily got worse and worse as they traveled.

It wasn’t until they were back at the inn that was housing everyone during the night-hunt that his brother released his hand.

“You shouldn’t let yourself be alone with Sect Leader Wen,” he said, which surprised Lan Qiren – he’d expected his brother to jump straight into listing out all the ways Lan Qiren had embarrassed him at the night-hunt. He hadn’t been expecting his brother to say something like that at all.

“Why not?” he asked, and his brother glared at him. “You didn’t want to babysit me, and I was falling behind. He wanted to see the flowers –”

“He was humoring you,” his brother interrupted. “Everyone always humors you, but no one actually ever cares about whatever nonsense you’re rambling on about this week. Don’t you know that especially powerful cultivators can affect the mind of the weak-willed?”

Lan Qiren blinked. What a strange coincidence, both his brother and Sect Leader Wen mentioning the exact same thing. “Yes,” he said. “I know. In fact –”

“I don’t want to hear another one of your stupid citations,” his brother said, cutting him off, and making Lan Qiren feel stupid and resentful again – he hadn’t even been about to cite anything! “Anyone who’s ever met you can figure out that you’re little better than a half-wit, all right? Wen Ruohan is a petty person, capable of anything, even only on a whim. Don’t spend time alone with him. Consider it another rule.”

“You don’t have the authority to make rules!”

“Do not disrespect your elders,” his brother snapped, and Lan Qiren bowed his head, acknowledging the point. “Now do me a favor and stay here until the conference is over – I should be back with the rest of them, acting in Father’s place as the sects divide up the spoils. I can’t believe I’m here taking care of you again instead.”

Lan Qiren wrung his hands together. He hadn’t intended anything like that. “Xiongzhang –”

“Have I made myself clear?”

“…yes, xiongzhang.”

“Good.” His brother was on his sword and flying back towards the forest before Lan Qiren could even blink. He hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye.

Lan Qiren supposed he didn’t have to. It wasn’t like Lan Qiren was going anywhere.

At least, not yet. He was already thirteen – less than ten years and he’d be advanced enough to go anywhere he liked, to be a traveling musician and cultivator the way he’d always planned. He’d be able to help people and spend time with anyone he liked, or not spend time with anyone at all if he didn’t feel like it, and there would be nothing his brother could do to stop him.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

ahdflksjaklf;jsls ok buddies - I hate talking about 14x13: Lebanon, but it has relevancy in the “John Winchester is a villain and cannot and should not be redeemed” discourse as well as being a crucial piece of finale denialist lore so I Have Been Thinking About It Too Much.

As you may recall, the Occult Object of the Week - the pearl - in Lebanon is supposed to grant Dean’s “heart’s desire.” Dean and Sam are Very Sure this means expelling Michael (the Dean Winchester Must Be Saved installment of season 14) (honestly that premise always seemed a little slim to me, I was hoping for Dean’s heart’s desire to be Cas, on Dean’s car, naked, covered in bees). 

Instead they summon Dad of the Year, which at first feels infuriating.  However after discussion with my earworms, I Have Fixed It (and also turned it into a grenade to launch at 15x20.)

Finale denialists and John Winchester derogatorians ASSEMBLE! and let’s discuss after the cut.

I’ve written in depth about Dean’s struggles with the cycle of abuse, so I won’t go too far into it here, but if you want to revisit any of that meta this is a good place to begin.  This post hinges on the same theory - that Dean’s true freedom is established in his release from that cycle - that is the logical outcome of any hero’s journey for him, and where he would finally be able to accept happiness and love.  This logically would also make release from the cycle of abuse and the feelings of self-hatred Dean struggles with his “heart’s desire” for purposes of the pearl.  When it comes to emotions, we also know Dean doesn’t deal with them well.  He punches things instead.  So odds are, Dean hasn’t really worked through these feelings.  

Dean also mentions when John returns that “it was what [Dean] wanted since he was 4″ - when they lost Mary, right before John became obsessed with revenge.  Season 12 Mary canonically remembers John as a “good dad,” so we can draw a line from that to the abuse really starting shortly after her death.  This is also corroborated by Dean himself:

DEAN: You know when you died, it changed Dad. 

(A visual of the John Mary remembers) (just my excuse to put pictures of Matt Cohen on your dash) (I shouldn’t need an excuse) (Matt Cohen hi you are on Tumblr please don’t read any of this I’m embarrassed).

So what Dean has is pre-Mary’s-death John and post-Mary’s-death John, post-Mary’s-death John being the one whose abuse created Dean’s own damaged persona.  Dean thinks the fix is to stop things on the front end (he is ignoring any process-centered solution, he just wants it to never have happened, he is in denial that he has to work through this and just wants it to be erased, etc etc etc).  

***also keep in mind that going back in time to change things on the front end as a “fix it” is a storyline SPN repeats regularly***

***and it always ends up being impossible to do*** 

Ok so for Dean, his damage/anger/brutal nature/darkness is always linked to John, and this cycle “began” for Dean once their family was torn apart by Mary’s death.  So the fix is his “blood family” together.  That’s his heart’s desire in Lebanon because Dean hasn’t really worked through any of his emotions, and it’s his very Dean way of fixing it - “oh if my family gets put back together I will be put back together too.”

***speaking of quick fixes, I’d like to note that any case in SPN that is referred to as a “milk run”  inevitably becomes complicated and messy***

***continuing the thematics of there’s no such thing as a quick fix***

This is no different.  Stopping the cycle by simply erasing it from the narrative erases anything else that happened along the way during the journey.  It erases this Mary (who they know as a person by this point and not just the mom on a pedestal) 

and (most importantly) it erases this Cas (the episode specifically replaces Cas with one who Doesn’t Know Dean).

We Emphasize This Of Course In The Dialogue In Case You Missed It

DEAN Cas, you know us. ALTERNATE CAS I don’t know you.

***Simply erasing the origin of Dean’s trauma erases all of Dean’s growth.  It erases this family that Dean is so proud to tell John he has now. It erases everything he has already overcome despite how hard it was to achieve it.

So, John goes back.  In that way, the pearl does give Dean his heart’s desire - his realization that this is not about a quick fix, it is about the journey to the good, and all you gain and become along the way (kind of similar to “Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it" eh?).  it’s the process.  It’s every moment along the way.  It’s the people who help him get there.

And then he starts the healing journey by taking control of his own life, by owning his feelings instead of displacing the blame, by recognizing he is NOT guided solely by the actions of his father and this cycle:

DEAN

And for the longest time, I blamed Dad. I mean, hell, I blamed Mom, too, you know? I was angry. But say we could send Dad back knowing everything. Why stop there? Why not send him even further back and let some other poor sons of bitches save the world? But here’s the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Well, maybe. But I gotta be honest – I don’t know who that Dean Winchester is.

And the episode fucking ends with Cas, the Cas Who Knows Them coming into the bunker and asking them what happened, calling each of them by name just to emphasize again That He Knows Them, because Cas knowing Dean, and Cas being Dean’s family is the cornerstone of what Dean’s heart desires.

[CAS walks in from the door at the top of the stairs. SAM, DEAN and MARY walk out from the library to see him.]

CAS Mary, Sam, Dean. What happened?

So yeah, it took 14 damn seasons but Lebanon is where Dean realizes he can be defined by more than the acts of his father.  (That’s why it’s so terrifying for Dean when Chuck snatches back any control he gained in Season 15.  Because for Dean, Chuck is just John Winchester Controls My Every Action all over again, except he’s God which makes it even worse.) 

That’s also why the final blow to Chuck is not Dean killing him. 

The last stage in the journey that begins here with Dean’s “I’m good with who I am” - [I’m still bad and dark and damaged but I’m good with it]

is Dean’s “that’s not who I am.” [the most caring man on Earth; the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know]

Thats equally why 15x18 is so brilliant, 15x19 is at least acceptable, and 15x20 simply does. not. work.

Dean Winchester’s perfect heaven cannot possibly center on the blood family.  It does not have John Winchester and Mary, husband and wife, who took away his own free will.  It is THIS FAMILY.  The found family.  Cas and Jack and Sam and the Mary that was resurrected.  Dean’s entire character arc supports this journey, and to have it culminate in something that is so established in the season prior to this one as something Dean knows he no longer wants is maddening.

I’m even more mad now because I just remembered that the most prominent picture above Dying Sam’s bed was the blood family portrait from this episode; almost like they wanted us to remember this particular stupid lesson.  This show is so stupid when it could have been so so so very good.

***I want to say thanks again to all of you who read my spiraling if you got this far.  It’s therapeutic for me to do it, but it makes it all the better that people actually read it.  Seeing you in my notes MAKES my entire day****