woodland-sys

[woodland-sys]

[woodland-sys]

I don't feel like transitioning has made me happier. It's been about 4 years since I started hrt. I feel like all I've done is open myself up to a whole new world of trauma and other mental issues. It's just so much extra work all the time and I've experienced so many awful things because of it.

I spend so much mental energy terrified of whether I pass, whether I'm sufficiently attractive, whether I ate too much, whether I need to purge, and so much more. I'm so burnt out just from the act of living and I don't ever feel like I got to be a girl.

I don't know why because I'm lucky enough to be able to go stealth. In my day to day life people just think I'm cis. I don't know why I feel like my transition was a complete failure. I don't know why I never get to feel gender euphoria. All I feel is that I stepped out of one cage and into another. The only difference is that when I'm in the new cage people seem to think I have value more, at least as a sex object.

Not that I ever get to experience that anyway since I'm so ashamed of my body that I can barely go outside. But in theory I think I'm attractive so at least there's that. Of course maybe people just tell me that to make me feel better. It's actually the more likely outcome. I think people can see the desperation on my face and they don't want to upset me. I always look like I'm on the verge of slitting my wrists so I get why they'd want to avoid that. Nobody wants that on their conscience.

The best I can hope is that somebody will see how vulnerable I am and want to use that to get things from me. Even though I'm ugly I can at least be pliable enough to be worth something to somebody. It's written all over my face so maybe it's just a matter of time before somebody like that gets to me. I hope it happens soon. I want to have value very badly and it's my only chance to actually be anything worthwhile.

[woodland-sys]

if i was trapped in the time loop i would do the correct sequence of actions to break out of the time loop on my first try, thus resulting in me unaware of there being a time loop in the first place

[woodland-sys]

When it’s all over, I’ll let you know

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I’m crying my beautiful husband has wrapped the most limp wristed pathetic sickly blunt in the world

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in pain from laughing at this fucking video

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keep up the good work you guys inshallah the stress gets to be too much :)

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disability advocacy went wrong when it became about inspiration porn and “differently abled” and savants. its incredible that that guy with no legs did a triathlon but your sister with no legs will not and she doesnt need prosthetics or five hour training days to deserve respect and compassion and accommodations. its incredible that that autistic guy can look at a city from a helicopter for an hour and then draw the entire detailed skyline from memory when he lands but your autistic friend cannot and they dont need to have a special Autism Power to deserve respect and compassion and accommodations. 

activism framed around “we are just as CAPABLE” means that when people genuinely are less capable they are left behind. activism framed around “we are just as WORTHY” is fundamental to radical compassion.

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chavis mármol, "untitled destruction project," 2024, nine-ton quarry stone replica of colossal olmec head dropped on blue tesla model 3

[woodland-sys]

there's something incestuous about seasoning tofu with soy sauce

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i beg to sniffer

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environmental storytelling

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projecting on characters is awesome [recognizes myself through the other] what the fuck is this shit

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Being like. Post-suicidal is so strange. Like hiiiii everybody im new I spent a good chunk of my life languishing and have like 3 or 4 lived experiences. But now I'm ready to fuck and party or whatever. Can we be friends. Im so happy to be here. Can we be friends

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no, i dont lose hyperfixations. theyre just moved to a different, slightly less used, shelf in my brain.

[woodland-sys]

due to personal reasons *screams in the middle of a forest*

[woodland-sys]