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simpingland · 1 year ago

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'Alone' together// Lucerys Velaryon x fem!reader.

Y/N Celtigar and Luke have been betrothed for years, but the reader is having a hard time finding true friendship on Dragonstone. Some tutoring makes Luke change his mind about his wife to be.

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No one could stand Jace when he was ahead in any of the classes you all shared with the Master. That's why you took every lesson so seriously, just so you could take him down a peg or two. And it could be fun most of the time, but in the long run, you and Jace never quite clicked, causing Rhaena and Luke to stay somewhat aloof from you, preferring the favour of the prince to the favour of a pupil like you.

When everyone heard the news about Lady Celtigar's death, you were only eight. Rhaenyra saw in you a child who longed for her mother as she had longed for her own, and made a pact with your father to take you into her care. He agreed, proposing a marriage in return. It was a good idea, Valyrian blood with Valyrian blood, extending and strengthening houses that moved across the Seven Kingdoms. Unfortunately, though you were the same age as Jace, Baela was also a close child and the idea of her being queen in the future protected Rhaenyra and Jace's reign...so you were promised to Luke.

It could have been worse, they could have promised you Joffrey...or worse...Jace! At least Lucerys, as you found out a few days later, turned out to be a good boy, if a little too childish for your taste. Growing up in Dragonstone had been quicker than anyone expected, but no less hard. The siblings were very close to each other, and they were also very close to their dragons. Rhaena was sweet and pleasant, but there was something about her company that made you feel as if she was there out of obligation. You never had the feeling that you belonged there.

Arguments between the four of you were very common, never worrisome as they were usually the typical ones caused by going on adventures together, by stealing things from each other... although if someone came out crying, it was usually you. You were a studious young woman, always alert and if Rhaenyra found out about all the shenanigans of the group, it was because you told her. They never listened when you justified yourself by saying that lying was not an option for you. At dinners together you were usually the one who was left out of the conversation, even if they were talking about you. If you were lucky and Luke got mad at Jace too, you had the young man sitting next to you as he prattled on about Arrax and how much he hated Jace that day. He never failed to make you laugh. Sadly, that didn't always happen, and it was more common for him to give you the same dirty looks as the rest when you didn't play along.

Rhaenyra already knew about this problem, and she tried to educate you on how being friends with your husband was always the best way to be married. The problem was that you didn't really know how to make friends...because no one understood how you loved them, everything you said or did ended up being used against you. And no matter how much you made up your mind that you shouldn't do anything, you couldn't help but stay at the table with Luke after he failed his geography lesson with the Maester. Jace had already left for his dragon with a victorious smile, and Rhaena accompanied him, the Maester would show her how to feed her little Morning.

Luke was more embarrassed than sad, you could see it in the way he looked down at you as you paced the table with the map.

"Don't you have one of your sewing classes or one of those lame things you like to do?" he asked.

"I don't like boring things...I just like to be quiet. It's different. And no, I can stay and help you."

"No need, thanks..." he tried to concentrate on the map.

"You should learn some trick to memorize the map...a song, a rhyme..."

"That's just stupid." He interrupted you and you instantly stopped wanting to help him. Something must have crossed your eyes because Luke felt bad right away. "Sorry...it's just...Jace will laugh at me if he sees me burst into song if someone asks me to point out the Isles of Tarth."

This made you laugh, and Luke smiled at your reaction. It wasn't very casual to see you laugh genuinely, it was always usually out of politeness or only brought on by the Maester, Rhaenyra, or some guard. Although, if he thought about it, Luke had seen you laugh at times when he had focused more on you than on the dinners.

"It's just a trick, you end up memorising it eventually. Besides, by the time you're Lord of Driftmark you'll have travelled more. It will be easier."

"How do you memorise it?"

"Oh..." you didn't expect that question. Perhaps because the answer was so personal. "I think about my family. Where my grandmothers were born...where my uncle died...where my grandfather won a battle...where my mother was a ward when she was my age..."

It seemed like a sad thing, but it wasn't really sad for you. The maps served you like a history book. You'd always had a head for remembering stories, and it was all because you felt too trapped there, too lonely. You enjoyed visits to the castle, something the others hated, for even the dullest Lord had an anecdote about someone in your family. However, if the Targaryen children wanted to know something about their family, all they had to do was open any history book.

"It's very nice, really, though I think I'd go mad if I used your method." Luke tried to lighten up a bit the turn the conversation seemed about to take.

"Right, I think the simplest thing to do is for us to decorate our own map." You suggested.

"I don't have enough inks to make a nice map."

"I do!"

Luke had to follow you at a quickened pace, even though he was even slightly taller than you, your enthusiasm to show him your full artistic arsenal outweighed physics. You let him into your rooms, where he hadn't been for many years, and he was surprised to see that it was more cluttered than he expected. There were piles of books in every nook and cranny, many open and with notes on their sides. You also had a small desk in front of your balcony. When he looked out, he noticed that you overlooked the beach. It made him tender to know that he could watch you study while he trained with Jace.

The afternoon flew by as Luke decorated a map with colours assigned to houses, animals and creatures. He made trees and mountains, and you taught him to draw castles for important towns. On a thinner piece of paper, you wrote the names of all those places and Luke tried to name the points you pointed out and then you checked it by putting the paper over it. And it didn't take him long to match what he said with what it really was. He was so happy that he even gave you a hug.

From that day on, geography lessons were much more fun for Luke, as he spent more time drawing than memorising, and he showed you all the things he was doing. Jace's concentration would be thrown off by your whispering and giggling. Sometimes you would show him the annotations and drawings you had on your map, and you would have fun imagining an tracing a dragon ride.

He started helping you in Valyrian, Luke's favourite subject. And at dinners he always sat next to you, apart from Rhaena and Jace. Luke always did the talking, for he always had more to tell than you, who spent the whole day engaged in something completely alternative to what the others were doing. Day by day, he would let you feel open enough to give him your opinion on the books you were reading or telling him some childhood stories.

One of the days when Jace and Luke were training, Luke remembered that afternoon, and your little desk overlooking the beach. He stopped to look for you with his eyes, and it took him a while to find your figure, but he did. He couldn't see you clearly, but he could make out that you were leaning on your balcony, concentrating on something, with a pen in your hand.

"It would be good if you were concentrating on something, Lucerys," the older scolded him.

"Sorry, you're right...I'm really getting better though." Luke smiled mischievously at her.

"Only in geography, I'm not going to applaud your need to draw trees in the woods." Jace landed a lazy first punch, pulling Luke's gaze away from yours.

"Hey! Easy!" Luke tried to hit him back, but clearly Jace was better than him.

"Oops, sorry...I didn't remember how much of a pussy you've become since you and Y/N are the best of friends."

It was silly, but the fight that was supposed to be a rehearsal turned into something all too real, and Jace and Luke were soon fighting without swords, using shoves and fists. From a blow that Jace threw disproportionately, Luke felt part of his lower lip split. At the sight of blood, both stopped instantly.

Of course they were brought before Rhaenyra by the guard who at the time was unable to stop them. And you, who could hear all the commotion, went down to check what was going on. Both were dishevelled but only Luke was bleeding.

"I want an explanation, right now!" Rhaenyra looked furious.

"Luke is being unbearable, mother." Jace gave her a terrible look.

"It's you who can't stand to be outdone. You're always the most important." Luke accepted the water-soaked handkerchief you gave him. He let out a small whimper as he felt the sting.

"Maybe it's because I'm the heir to the throne, my education is vital. And you only know how to giggle and be a shitty student."

You couldn't take it anymore, he always used that excuse, that he had to be the best to be a good king. Luke had already confessed to you over dinner that the love and admiration he had for Jace causes him a lot of anxiety, because he felt unfit to rule something as important as Driftmark.

"That doesn't give you any right to hit him..." everyone turned to look at you, and Jace was relieved to find himself back in the same situation where you were making a fool of yourself.

"You weren't there to see it, it would be nice if you stayed out of this for once."

"I didn't do anything wrong, don't talk to me like that." You were getting that high-pitched, agitated voice again that you get when you're feeling overly nervous. Luke could see it, his hand rested on your arm gently.

"It's your fault Luke's an twat now. All you know how to do is be a pain in the ass to everyone, and now you're filling my brother's head with your bullshit."

"What's wrong with you is that you're unbearable and jealous because Baela isn't here to tell you how well you're doing everything."

"And what's wrong with you is that you're such a pain in the ass that your father put you on the first boat that offered to take you off his sight."

"Jace!" Rhaenyra snapped at him. "I command you to stop talking like that. I remember teaching you some manners, didn't I?. Apologize. Right now."

Jace gave a sigh. And with a forced smile, he focused on them both.

"Luke, I'm really sorry I hurt you, maybe I went too far, considering you're also going to spend the rest of your life next to this absolute bore and insufferable woman. It's a big sacrifice on your part."

Jace gave Luke a friendly slap on his shoulder and turned away, forgiving himself. You, on the other hand, had already started to feel the tears forming at the thought of disappearing from your father's sight. It was too delicate of a subject, and you longed for him, Jace had struck another blow too hard.

"Apologize to Y/N, Jace." Luke's voice sounded serious, demanding. Jace turned away.

"By what right are you commanding me around now?"

"I'm your brother, and Y/N will be my wife, your sister-in-law, and we'll all be a family. Show her the respect she deserves, and ask for her forgiveness."

Jace was quiet for a second. Luke's hand moved to reach for your hand and squeezed it, it was cold, but at his touch, it began to warm.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." It was dry, and it was surely not for you, but for Luke. It was still humiliating, and of course, it was you who left that room crying.

You tried to hide your tears from Luke, who was asking you not to leave, but you couldn't even come up with an excuse, you just disappeared from there.

When you didn't show up for dinner, Luke couldn't eat a single bite. Rhaenyra watched as your empty seat provoked something in him that hadn't happened before, he became quiet. Jaxe was also quiet, stressed and recovering from the scold he received from his mother after all that scene. With a nod of his head, Luke had permission to get up and look for you. Your door was open, but inside your room you were hard to find. On the floor, your back against your bed, a candle illuminated one of your maps. You tried to wipe your face a little as Luke sat down next to you.

"You're missing your favourite dessert..." he tried to get a smile out of you, he couldn't. "I'm sure Jace regrets what he said, he didn't say a single word at dinner."

"He regrets a lot of things I'm sure, but never that he spoke ill of me." You told him without so much as a glance at him.

"That's not true. There may be friction, but we're all family."

"Yeah, but I'm not in it. All I try to do is to be fair, to do the right thing. Your mother is a future queen to me, I must always tell her the truth. And none of the three of you seem to understand the great danger you are in every day..."

"I do understand that you do it for us, but soon she will be like a mother to you too." Luke held your hand.

"I miss my family so much...All I really have from them is just memories I didn't even get to live, few years with my mother... I try to love in the present but then I'm faced with this ignorace against my person.Lucerys, every day I feel this sorrow, this silence...I feel so, so lonely."

Then he understood your great passion for maps. And he suddenly felt like a tremendous idiot. I could have been there for you much earlier. But he was convinced that it was a good time to start.

"I've had dreams too...well, they were really nightmares...about being heir to Driftmark and spending my whole life alone. Jace would be here, Mother at King's Landing, Rhaena married, and everyone else would be dead...and you would be left, as always, locked in your rooms, not wanting to talk to anyone."

At last you looked at him, he too had a sad expression. His lip was split at the bottom. His eyes connected with yours.

"I'm sorry you had that impression of me...you...I actually, genuinely like you. A lot."

You watched as Luke smiled mischievously, like his mother did.

"It'll be the only thing I beat Jace at..." he finally got a laugh out of you. "Maybe, we could feel 'alone' together."

"Sounds like a good idea..."

"And we can go to sleep together, but alone." He continued to joke.

"And have lonely blonde and brunette children..." you continued.

"And sail the ocean alone..."

And in unison you both said "but together!"

At the coincidence, you burst out laughing. And more you laughed when Luke got a stitch of pain in his lip from smiling. His little scream was too funny.

"Hey...don't be mean!" he scolded you with a totally fake frown.

"Oh, my prince, I'm sorry! That wound looks bad..."

"Well, the Maester says nothing that can't be fixed with a kiss on the wound in question."

"Haha! Now I really feel sorry for you if you need a kiss from the Maester..."

"I'm afraid you're out of luck, the sages say only kisses from beautiful, blonde women, lousy with Valyrian but great readers with a strangely amusing laugh."

In that light, Luke had made you happier than you had ever imagined. He might still be a little more childish than you'd like, but it was this that made you laugh during dinners and lessons. This dedication to your could be the beginning of a fun and pleasant future, much closer than your inner child had imagined when you read those love stories in your books.

It was you who reached first, and Luke was the first to close his eyes. A tender kiss on the lips, first on his bottom lip, soft and slow, trying not to hurt him. But above was his upper lip, intact, and there you gave him another kiss, more intense, but just as sweet. And Luke pressed his lips together as hard as he could, letting himself be carried away by your soft lips brushing his. When you broke apart, he saw you blush a little, but you immediately laughed at him, who was much more flushed than you were.

"Actually...if I'm going to be your wife, you didn't have to memorise all those places. I would know them for you." You told him as you walked on your way to the kitchen, ready to dine alone with the leftovers from dinner.

"Right..." Luke led the way, holding your hand. "Although then you would never have realised how much you really like me."

#lucerys velaryon #lucerys strong #prince lucerys #lucerys targaryen #luke velaryon #lucerys velaryon x reader #lucerys velaryon x you #lucerys Velaryon x y/n #lucerys Velaryon fanfic #lucerys velaryon one shot #game of thrones fanfiction #house of the dragon #house of the dragon fanfiction #elliot grihault

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anti-lies · 6 months ago

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Anti-Endo Affirmation: Remember That Endos Expecting You to Read Sources Is Bigotry

You know what is real and that's all that matters. You've heard The Truth from close friends. You've heard it from strangers. You've seen it in Carrds people have linked.

These endos like to push lots of "sources" from "doctors" that contradict what you know is true, but you don't have to trust or read them.

Remember that what so-called sources they provide are often packed with dense and confusing language and you should never feel obligated to read or try to understand them in order to act like an authority on the subject.

Know that you're on the right side no matter what and be confident in that. Your own experiences and beliefs, and those of your friends, are all the sources you need.

And because the language in endo "sources" is so hard to understand and the papers are so long, them expecting you to read those sources is actually bigoty.

Not everyone can read long peer reviewed academic papers. So therefore, they shouldn't have to if they want to act like an authority on them.

Some of us have mental illnesses that make it difficult. Some of us have poor educations for socioeconomic reasons. Some of us may not even be in high school yet so our brains aren't fully developed.

If an endo tells me to read their "sources" to be able to talk about something, I would tell them that expecting me to do that is bigotry. It's ableism, classism, and ageism against us.

Endos are trying to gatekeep our ability to speak as an authority on a topic simply because we lack education and understanding of that topic. And that, I've decided, is wrong.

Remember that The Truth is whatever you make it and whatever you want it to be. Your ability to state The Truth confidently as fact should never ever be deterred by a lack of knowledge or understanding. And to say otherwise is bigotry.

#syscourse #anti endogenic #anti endo #endos fuck off #endos dni #fuck endos #anti endo community #aemogai

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defining-trans · 1 year ago

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I want to be able to explain to the people I come out as trans bigender to on what grounds I believe there's more than men and women in this world, but I always stumble with my words and I do not have a reliable source of info about this stuff, despite I am trans. Any recs?

You shouldn't have to explain "on what grounds" you are bigender. If you feel the need to justify why you identify that way, I promise you're under no obligation to do so.

However.

If, when you say "I'm bigender/trans", people keep demanding to know what bigender means, why you call yourself that, is there even a valid reason for your identity to exist in the first place, etc. I want you to know that the people asking those questions are being deeply inappropriate. While they are allowed to ask follow up questions, they are not entitled to your answers. (You're not a library encyclopedia, they can't just poke and prod you for answers whenever they feel like it.)

When you know that the very slim hope of educating everyone you meet about transness might be the only thing that stands between you and the threat of transphobia, it can be... tempting to prostrate yourself before strangers. But you should know that, as the first and only trans person a lot of these people have probably ever met, you have more control of the situation than you realize--many of them will just follow your lead, accept whatever response you give them (short of indignance and escalating accusations of bigotry).

Aside from basic elaboration (e.g. "I'm bigender/trans. That means I'm both [this gender] and [that gender], and I'd like you to use [insert pronouns] for me.") here are some ways to patiently educate a new acquaintance about your identity:

State your identity (and pronouns, if applicable) in clear and simple terms, like the example above.

Next, establish your boundaries. This can look very different from person to person--one might feel comfortable with saying "Let me know if you have any more questions! I'd be happy to answer them." while another might prefer "I'm not comfortable answering [that/any question], but I can send you an article/study/website that talks about this stuff in depth."

If you've stated you're comfortable answering their questions and they ask something you're not sure how to answer, it's okay to say "I don't know" and leave it at that. But if you'd like to try, start by clarifying what they asked, either by asking a follow up of your own ("wait, what do you mean by [part that confuses you]?") or answering to the best of your ability to see if you've touched on the information they're looking for.

If they ask you an uncomfortable question but seem sincere about it, be gentle but firm: "I appreciate that you're showing interest/trying to understand this better, but that question is a little too personal."

If they ask you an uncomfortable question and seem to derive enjoyment from your discomfort, calmly shut them down: "With all due respect, that's none of your business." / "Do you ask everyone that question? That seems rude."

And finally, if they attempt to pull you into a debate about the validity of your identity, slam on the brakes: "My [name/pronoun preference/gender] isn't up for debate. I don't have to justify myself to you or anyone else, period."

#ask a trans person #coming out advice #trans issues #transgender 101 #bigender #transgender #transphobia #answered #anonymous

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emeraldspiral · 1 year ago

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I feel like some of these takes are low-key designed to isolate children from the vast majority of well-intended adults they could confide in to prevent them from meeting anybody who can tell them when an adult is actually doing something not normal or appropriate.

In fact, I think I recall seeing something on twitter about a mom who found out her daughter had participated in "cancelling" another girl at school, claiming she was a pedo or abuse apologist or something over a ship or a show she liked or some bullshit like that. When the mom looked deeper into it she found out that her daughter and the other girl and their mutual friends were all on discord with an adult who was grooming them into that purity culture BS and convincing them that it was their moral obligation to bully and harass and ostracize people over "gross" content. And all the while, the adult was showing them NSFW stuff they shouldn't have been exposed to, but framing it as "I'm showing it to you so you can see how gross it is for yourself and understand why we need to attack people who make this kind of stuff".

IDK, it might've been a fake "the whole bus clapped" story, but that sort of thing absolutely does happen. In fact, that's pretty typical anti behavior. They are constantly spreading around the content that they think is so disgusting it shouldn't exist so no one can ever see it and getting exposed as the actual groomers they accuse everyone else of being.

Also, given the way gays simply existing and being visible or acknowledged is often equated to grooming, it wouldn't surprise me if homophobia wasn't also a motive in these kinds of takes. Like, people literally ask "Why do drag queens want access to our kids so bad", as if there's something abnormal and inherently predatory about not hating kids and actually enjoying spending time reading to them. But we all know the real reason homophobes don't want drag queens reading to their kids is because they don't want their kids to meet anybody who might make them feel okay about not conforming to heteronormativity. Making out any adult who interacts with kids that aren't their own to be a predator makes it that much easier to scare the queers away from their children so they don't have any positive queer role models or confidants and that much easier to demonize any who push back against drag storytime bans or discrimination in daycare and education.

Sometimes when people on the Internet are like "ADULTS CAN NEVER INTERACT WITH MINORS IT'S CREEPY" I remember how, at 12, back in 1997, I was on the Witchvox forums with people ranging from me to people in at least their 50s, and no one there was ever a creep to me, no one ever made me feel uncomfortable or asked for my personal info, and when I finally broke down after a particularly brutal day of bullying at school and posted about it they were the first adults I'd ever met in my entire life who told me the bullies were the problem and it was okay to be angry about it.

Kids need to interact with adults who will listen to them.

#purity culture #is a cancer

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sysmedsaresexist · 1 year ago

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Ah, it's about me. Great (UwU 🌸) I am the main character.

I feel like... There's this idea on tumblr that if you can't fit all the nuance of a topic into one post, you just shouldn't make the post, and that's just not helpful for anyone?

There's a lot of people who have no idea what their rights are when it comes to these topics, they've never been in therapy to ask the questions, they've never come close to seeking therapeutic help, and all they have to go on are these horrible, nightmarish posts about how "dangerous" diagnosis is. "Dangerous" seems to be the preferred wording in these conversations. It's scary. Most of these people are young and still in bad situations.

We don't talk about the positives of diagnosis and what that means for access to healthcare and for insurance purposes. We just talk about it being dangerous.

No one is saying that disorders can't be used against people or that people with certain disorders aren't discriminated against, but that's not the whole picture, either, and it's important to talk about possible remedies (legal or otherwise) in these cases.

Knowing your rights and seeing positive experiences are just as important as acknowledging people who have had bad experiences.

I think those with bad experiences should speak up, but there's a very pessimistic feeling to a lot of the posts that a bad experience is the only experience, and that it's not worth it.

Black and white thinking is that it's either all good or all bad.

In the course of all my treatments, I had an okay therapist that was out of her league, I had a supportive doctor that... Did his best, I was sanctioned and hospitalized by a homophobic psychiatrist (my partner got a lawyer involved and I was released and the notes removed from my files), I had an absolutely amazing therapist that specialized in dissociative disorders. I had a terrifying psychiatrist re-diagnose with me Tourette's after asking scary, invasive questions about my sexual thoughts (I legit thought I was about to go to jail, despite knowing my rights).

And yet, in the end, I was given access to all the financial, educational, and support resources I could have ever needed. My files are private and confidential, I'm under no obligation to inform anyone that I don't want to know, and no one has access to those files.

It was a roller coaster of ups and downs and fear and happiness, and for me, personally, it was totally worth it. Every second, even the bad. I've chosen to use my bad experiences to teach others, rather than discourage them altogether.

Not everyone wants or needs a diagnosis, and a diagnosis isn't required for validation. Some are fine being treated off the record, some will never talk about their system, and instead get help for other problems, some struggle more with the interaction and comorbidity of disorders and will have to come out in some capacity.

Pursuing a diagnosis is a very personal decision, and there's many, MANY reasons why someone may or may not seek one-- and every single reason for or against is totally valid and right for you.

Except for the reasons caused by fear mongering and flat out lies.

We're allowed to combat those with positive experiences, and it's not dismissing bad experiences. It's just another side of the conversation that people should be aware of when making their decision.

A lot of you have such a black-and-white worldview that you take anyone else's experiences as a direct attack on your own.

No, a DID diagnosis is not inherently a death sentence - But to say that a DID diagnosis cannot ever affect your ability to adopt, get accepted for a job, or anything else is false.

Yes, even if it's illegal to discriminate against someone on the basis of a disability. It happens anyway.

I have been seeing a lot of people saying "I just don't tell them I have DID and it's fine" - Have you ever considered not all of us are functional enough to have the choice to hide it like that?

I do not have direct personal experience with DID specifically affecting my ability to get work or adopt or get into a good school, because I was diagnosed as an adult and have never been employed or interested in adoption - I am too sick to even leave my bed most days.

I do, however, have direct experience with systemic discrimination on the basis of having an autism diagnosis since the age of 6.

Certain schools would not accept us or would make us move schools because they saw autism and did not want to deal with "a kid like that". Our very first school kept suspending us and sending us home and punishing us and refusing to follow our learning plan and eventually just told our parents to move us elsewhere. This was first grade.

Growing up, our autism diagnosis was what justified abuse, which they called "treatment".

It was also used as a tool to question our ability to do things, communicate, and know what we want.

Our autism diagnosis generally either meant we could not possibly make our own decisions or it was played up for the entertainment and feel-good of neurotypicals.

We ended up in news articles and events occasionally as a little kid. They all focused on our autism. Do you know what a big deal it is to neurotypicals when a kid "like that" can deliver a speech to hundreds of people? You end up being the talk of everyone, you're an inspiring story for "overcoming" this "disease" they called autism.

And yet they still will be cautious accepting you into whatever school you wanted to go to because they doubt your abilities and believe your parents must have faked your writing to sound as cohesive and well-written as it did when you applied. We were gifted in english. But we were autistic.

And then they turn around again and use you as good PR.

Your first introduction anywhere you go is "This is X, they have autism!"

"Look at what good people we are for accepting such a child into our program!"

And then they turn around again and mistreat you for that very thing they will publicly brag about.

They will also see your diagnosis and want to use you for free or reduced labor cost. I do not remember anything about this relating to us, but kmow for a fact this did happen to many of our fellow SPED kids in highschool - They'd have programs to employ autistic youth where they paid you solely in "work experience" and "social skills".

You do not get paid - You get "to learn life skills".

I also know of many programs where, while they technically pay you, they make use of disability laws that allow them to pay disabled people less than minimum wage. "They're all living with their parents anyway because they can't live on their own, so it's basically just like an allowance."

Even moving away from us for a moment, we have known people personally who had their ability to parent their child questioned in court because they had one or more mental health diagnoses on their papers.

Do you see what I'm getting at yet?

No, a DID diagnosis does not automatically mean you will be discriminated against on a systemic level and outcast from society - But to say it is not possible at all is to ignore a very massive and glaring ableism issue that is a very real lived reality for many, many people with DID and other disabilities.

It is not "misinformation", it is often not even "fear-mongering" to point this out.

We live in a shitty world - To tell someone with worries of getting a DID diagnosis that "That won't happen, don't worry!" in regards to discrimination is incredibly misleading.

No, do not say that an official DID diagnosis is some kind of monster that forever seals your fate as to how you'll be treated within society and that nobody should ever get diagnosed unless they plan to stay in an institution for the rest of their life or whatever. That's stupid.

But for the love of god please stop telling people that they will not be discriminated against just because you haven't been. You are brushing the experiences of the rest of us under the rug in doing this.

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scotfroelich · 3 years ago

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The End of Facebook... for me

In the wake of the (fully unsurprising) revelation that Mark Zuckerberg intentionally permitted, throttled back, then re-permitted algorithmic promotion of hate speech for profit, I finally decided to leave. In doing so, I decided to start a list of all the reasons to leave vs. the reasons to stay.

I should have made this list years ago. The negatives so far outweigh the positives that quitting became the only logical solution. Why stay somewhere that's so awful?

The things I won't miss:

People finding literally any reason to disagree or be contrary.

Attention-seeking.

An algorithm that A. devalues attempts at promoting work, even among friends, B. promotes high traffic posts regardless of their content and thereby promotes hate speech, C. makes me see the same ONE post by the same ONE person over and over again instead of literally anything by the more than 1,000 other people I know.

Seeing the "laugh" react on posts about voting rights, LGBTQIA issues, and other very NOT funny topics. These issues aren’t funny, and “laughing” at them says an awful lot more about you than it does about the issue.

The anonymity that encourages people to constantly be at their worst.

Every discussion devolving into an either/or paradigm. No room for nuanced discussion.

People with tragic writing skills telling others "your an idiot."

Doomscrolling

The addiction to staying up too late scrolling for that one post that might make it worth the effort.

Getting added - without permission - to people's vanity projects veiled as well-intentioned social issues groups.

The internal monolog of how regular-ass events would sound as a Facebook post.

The annual reminder that one of my and Sheree's first dates was at what is now a mass shooting site.

Absolutism and cruelty in "education" about important issues. You can't claim to want to change people's minds if you're calling them a piece of shit. Just admit you either want them to have always believed exactly as you do (without giving them the time to learn as you did) or that you'd rather they be dead.

Links to bias-confirming articles where the author assumes everyone else is ignorant of something they just discovered and are very indignant about.

Hot takes

Movie spoilers

Unsolicited advice

Reminders of friends long-dead.

Reminders of friendships long-dead.

Trashing on people's airing of grievances on their own page with a high and mighty "Let people enjoy things." I dunno - maybe, let people vent about shit or just keep scrolling? Would you grab someone's lips in real life and say "Shh" to them? No? Then maybe you're the one who needs to "Shh." Let people express themselves on their own pages. A post is not an invitation to judge someone, just an invitation to share in their experience. Don't want to share in their experience? Unfriend or Unfollow. We shouldn't feel obligated to view everyone's content just because we're "friends."

The assumption that - because we’re connected on Facebook - we’re actually friends.

The impulse to think "Everyone else needs to be as outraged by [this] as I am! To the Facebook machine to prove how aware/woke I am!"

Pearl clutching "OMG, one tiny thing happened - my neighborhood must be going to hell!" posts on suburban citizen pages. Just share data about when your ibuprofen-sponsored kickball league is playing and shut up, please.

Posting about going somewhere and having some well-meaning person say, "Hey, I'll be going there, too! Let's hang out!" No no. If I had wanted to meet up, I would have sent an invite.

Watching people give up their private information to social engineering scams and/or sharing nonsense that's easily debunked with minimal effort.

Dehumanization. Facebook has done to the general populace what military training used to do to soldiers. If you view your “enemies” as less than human it makes them easier to destroy.

False friends. People who sit there and quietly seethe at you for years, never telling you they have a problem with you. Then one day they just snap, berating you and attempting to publicly demoralize and assassinate your character. No one would do that face to face, but Facebook knows how much time those people spend looking at your posts (even though you don't) and keeps promoting your content to them until they can't handle it anymore and just blow up at you. Yeah, I don't need that.

The desire to post random annoyances as grievances. Then you have a whole discussion about something completely unimportant that frequently devolves into a battle involving self-righteous folks saying "Try to see things from others' perspectives!" without a hint of irony that they're refusing to see the event from the perspective of the person whining about it, and people insisting they have a right to be frustrated with that random stupid thing.

The shitheels who turn even the kindest or most innocuous posts into an opportunity to bash an unrelated group. E.g. "owning the libs"

Treating people like shit for asking harmless questions.

Perverts who constantly friend request people (particularly women) who have no interest in them.

People who are mean to my wife because we got married.

Things I will miss:

Sincere birthday messages.

My wife's content (though I'm sure she'll text it to me).

Snarky takedowns of malignant trolls.

The even half-baked attempts at identifying missing stairs in the theatre community.

Giving the laugh react to well-placed GIFs.

Photos of my friends' trips and daily events.

Reminders of good times had.

Reminders of lessons learned.

#facebook #leavingfacebook

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Saint & Leilani

Saint: How's it going? 🙂 Leilani: it's going as expected Saint: I know how to answer questions without saying anything, remember Saint: you can't fool me Leilani: I was relying on the 😇 thing to do being you pretending you believed me Saint: You'd think so, but the issue lies in if that would require me to leave you in discomfort Saint: which would be nothing but the worst manners Saint: okay, what's one thing that's been okay and what's one thing that I could help make a bit better? Leilani: the kids are extremely adorable in their costumes, I'm in support of that Leilani: & how many of the grown ups decided to go in on this too Leilani: but maybe I was hoping you were that kind of big brother & your other sisters & brothers weren't as young as they are Saint: The majority love an event, that's true Saint: I don't know if it's a genetic thing or a cultural, but it's always been like this Saint: I'm sure the twins would have you know they're very mature for their age Saint: 🤔 how about I introduce you to Mattie? Saint: She's about your age Leilani: 😅 yeah I'm considering taking one of them with me since you already made the offer Leilani: she's Jay's sister, right? Saint: Correct Saint: she's similarly more chilled out too Saint: maybe less adorable than the kids but she shouldn't object to hanging out, kidnap might be a step too far tonight but Leilani: I don't know, it's a good costume, some people would still say adorable Saint: 😅 Saint: a good opener Leilani: thanks, I'll use it Saint: 👍 have fun Saint: let me know what you think, and if I need to get my wings into gear and do more Leilani: [pretend she's been chatting to her for ages because I feel like they'd get on, soz she don't go to your school hun] Leilani: I am now so I guess your wings won't be falling off Saint: [always the way, at least you will have an ally at these functions] Saint: 😁😁😁 Leilani: take a 🍭 Saint: 😏 More counterintuitive than the sticker ⭐ Saint: definitely finding you a new dream before you wreck the 🦷 of every kid in Dublin just to fix them again Saint: very 😈 of you Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: maybe I'll become a vet if Grace agrees to the 🐱 Saint: What about the 🩸? Saint: though you seem to cope with the fake Leilani: oh yeah.... Leilani: I was only thinking about the 😁 parts again Saint: I do hate to be the 🌧 on your parade... Saint: it's pretty adorable how 🌤 you are Leilani: but you do need to step in there before I fully commit & get genuinely 🩸 splattered Saint: I can promise that without feeling I'm giving you unfair expectations Leilani: it'd be awkward if you had to take that costume off on account of being 😈 Saint: it really would Saint: the feathers aren't leaving much to the imagination as is 😬 Saint: no one wants that Leilani: you're not 👶🏽 enough to be running around without clothes Saint: Ahh Saint: so tough being the oldest Saint: suppose I should leave some 🍭 🍬 🍫 for the kids too? Leilani: I can't promise to fix your 🦷 either way Saint: I'll make sure to brush well tonight when I'm defeathering in the privacy of my own room Saint: I like your ears, by the way Leilani: I'll resist the urge to come & watch over you since you're the one who can fly & I'll never be a qualified dentist Leilani: thanks, I keep forgetting they're there so for a moment that was an unusual compliment Saint: I'll send you a picture if you like Saint: for evidence Saint: I'm sure your real ears are lovely too 😂 Leilani: what am I supposed to send you a picture back of, in line with you wanting to work for the government? Leilani: like, I could salute but that's getting into a weird girl guide territory Leilani: & I've never been camping Saint: Oh dear Saint: the less pictures I have of underage girls the better, I think Saint: too young for the scandal yet but best to start as I mean to go on Saint: my family aren't big campers, if you can believe it Saint: but I've been with my grandma, and for this young leaders thing I did last year Leilani: I probably shouldn't fill my phone with pictures of older boy's dazzling teeth either, my mum is very overprotective Leilani: was, I mean Leilani: maybe she'd come back & haunt me Saint: Potentially Saint: though I can try to assure her and you my teeth are not at all predatory, this might not come across as sincere with my pearly whites 😁😬 Leilani: if your teeth are harmless, you might need a dentist sooner than I could become one Saint: 🧛 gotcha Saint: okay, so not harmless, but your neck is safe Leilani: why do they bite their victims somewhere literally everyone can see? Leilani: I'd be more secretive if my goal was to live undetected forever in some moody castle Saint: You can cross vampire off your list too, you're clearly overqualified Saint: I think it's about that sweet, sweet jugular vein but there's plenty of others that are less of a Saint: 'look what I did' Leilani: maybe whoever wrote the 1st 🧛📕 didn't want to commit to going under the clothes Leilani: it was racy stuff already Saint: also potential code for same-sex relationships? Saint: but what wasn't 😅 Leilani: is Dracula gay? Leilani: good for him Saint: I think so? Saint: Unless I'm confusing my classics Leilani: I haven't read it before & I feel like if I do now everyone will think I'm going goth Saint: Not an impression you want to make? Leilani: not really Leilani: 🌤 > 🌧 Saint: we'll keep it secret or off the reading list Leilani: first rule of our new book club? okay Saint: You can think of the 2nd Leilani: there has to be some kind of limit on length, War & Peace is too heavy in every way Saint: which brings us nicely to rule number three then Saint: no Russian literature Leilani: 😅 Saint: but I'll leave it with the rules for now, this is a party after-all Saint: would you like a drink? Leilani: what can you offer me that's 🧃? Saint: [so the pub, 'cos always the pub, probably doesn't have sassy mocktails 'cos not the vibe but he can go make her one] Saint: any major allergies or dislikes I need to know? Leilani: no Leilani: you've got total freedom Saint: I like the sound of that Leilani: what are you drinking? Saint: [probably red wine, you seem the type, not getting crunk] Saint: 🍷 Saint: 🧛 of me Leilani: if you're coming out to me atm you have my unconditional love & support Saint: 😅 Saint: Thank you Saint: unnecessary but appreciated Leilani: oh then you want to do the most with the teeth cleaning for the pics you're sending later Leilani: I'm not 😤 Saint: As much as the before and after would be impressive Saint: you might feel a bit 🤢 Leilani: I've set myself up as way too squeamish here, I don't like the sound of that Leilani: I'm not like 🥀 Saint: it's your story to tell Saint: though I wouldn't accuse you of being a wilting wallflower type, for the record Leilani: please don't accuse me of anything on the record 😅 I'm not a Lolita type either Leilani: I haven't even had a boyfriend yet Saint: I think painting myself as that unreliable of a narrator would really undermine my public persona and the trust I aim to inspire Saint: is that purely because of having a protective mum or did your own thoughts and feelings come into that too? Saint: plus, technically, Nabokov was Russian, I don't know if we can read it? 🤔 Leilani: the behaviour of many boys my age came into it too Leilani: but maybe they'll be different at this school, your sister did say we're uncultured at my old one Saint: I can see that Saint: When did she say that? Leilani: 💬📱 Saint: 😕 Oh Saint: she can be quite Saint: blunt Leilani: it's okay, I know Saint: She doesn't always think before she speaks, which is definitely a bad habit Saint: but I'm sure she didn't mean that to sound so...that Leilani: I'm sure she put more than enough thought into everything she said Saint: I'm sorry Saint: I would talk to her, see why you got off on the wrong foot but I'm not so out of touch to not realize that would potentially do more harm than good Saint: I think she's insecure, for context, she didn't get into the school she wanted to go to Leilani: I know why, but I'm not sure I would've been able to approach it differently, even if I should've Saint: Is it strictly girl's business? Leilani: what does that even mean, St? 🤔 Saint: Well Saint: code for none of my business perhaps Saint: in this instance, at least Leilani: it's not becos you're a boy, it's becos you're her brother Saint: Okay Saint: if it helps, I know how she can be, and it's not because of you, it's a her thing Leilani: it doesn't help but that's more becos you tried to tell me how she could be & I rose to it anyway Saint: I could've been clearer Saint: I didn't want to seem like I was insinuating you couldn't talk to her, or something like that Saint: and I don't want to talk badly about anyone, even if it is at times warranted, she's not, you know Saint: 👿 Leilani: I found out for myself, that's the fairest way Leilani: & I'm sure I overreacted once I was 😤 Saint: I know it would make this easier, if you were to get on Saint: but just know you're under no obligation to Saint: with any of us Saint: if nothing else, I can assure she'll give you a wide berth if she has nothing pleasant to say Leilani: maybe we will in the 2nd attempt Leilani: my moods are all over Saint: Now that is girl stuff, correct? 😏 Saint: it's very possible Leilani: that's getting into weird 🧛 territory Leilani: I meant becos I'm 💣💥 by grief not being a girl Saint: Joke in poor taste at the expense of your hormones Saint: 🤐 Leilani: becos I'm a girl is never an excuse for anything, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie I have read some of Saint: My sincerest apologies Saint: you'll have to educate me Leilani: thank god for book club Leilani: you're fine though, losing my mum isn't an excuse either according to your sister Saint: She really said that? Leilani: yeah but she's just the 1st, I don't think she'll be the only Saint: But that's just Saint: bullshit Leilani: she doesn't think so, she built an entire argument around it Saint: even if you were using it as an excuse, which I see no evidence of Saint: it's a pretty valid one Saint: and it's just so Saint: callous to even suggest that, never mind assert it Leilani: it's about her, I dared to say she shouldn't make fun of Grace & by extension treat all of you badly Saint: That is a sensitive topic for her Saint: but still Saint: THAT is no excuse to behave like that Leilani: she's been looking at me like she's got every reason to be 😤 Leilani: 🙏 we're not face to face 🗨 Saint: I'll distract her Leilani: 😇 Saint: [do so boy, soz to you lol, sure she's being a delight] Leilani: [do the salute you're not gonna send him a picture of lol] Saint: [casually meet eyes over this party moment] Leilani: [what a #mood] Saint: [honestly Venus can leave early anyway we all know why you're here and you probably have somewhere else to be hoeing it up] Leilani: [yeah exactly, as much as I hate that you're like this, we know it's real] Leilani: thanks Saint: no problem Saint: I learnt not to bite a long time ago 🎣 Saint: not that that's on you, but you know what I mean, diplomacy is my friend Leilani: does she know she's helping you in your career goals? Saint: I have to assume not Saint: unless she thinks I need a running mate 😨😅 Leilani: in that costume, it'd be a stretch to 💭 that Saint: Don't even get me started on that Leilani: if you don't want to drop your workout secrets that's your choice Saint: Oh no, I was talking about hers, sorry Saint: she's really gone with the Elle Woods thing...which is just a bit strange Saint: dad's a lawyer so Saint: yeah Leilani: oh... Leilani: an extra dimension has been added Leilani: I thought she was going with Regina George Saint: easy mistake to make Saint: sure she'd say as much if I said anything Leilani: she'd say worse about both of ours probably Saint: she got her 🎁 she should be in a good mood now Leilani: why is she getting 🎁 on your dad's birthday? Saint: Right, you're an only child Saint: when you're little, and you went to birthday parties, did you ever get mad that you weren't getting any gifts or attention? Saint: it's that Leilani: I can't relate Saint: What did you and your mum do for your birthdays as a kid? Leilani: she liked to throw me a party, on theme for whatever I was super into that year Leilani: smaller scale than this but all my friends would be there Saint: Sounds like a good time Leilani: it was Leilani: what did you do? Saint: My birthday is Christmas day Saint: 💔 Leilani: I'm sorry Saint: 😅 It's not really that bad Saint: it would be if you minded Saint: but I still get presents and to see all the family so Leilani: I still feel like I should buy you a 🎁 in the summer Saint: that's when I'd have parties with friends as a kid Leilani: you don't have those parties any more? Saint: Not really my scene now Saint: I'm alright with Vee claiming that kind of attention Saint: I usually get dinner with friends as close to my birthday as we can without all the office parties being out in full force Leilani: 🍷 Leilani: very you Saint: Is that my branding? Leilani: would you like a rebrand? Saint: I'm not 😤 Saint: just curious about your 💭 Leilani: it's very blood of christ 😇🙏 Leilani: so fitting Saint: That wine is very bad though Saint: 😝 Leilani: maybe they don't want to promote 🧛 Leilani: if you drank my blood it probably wouldn't taste nice Saint: Why not? Saint: Not admitting a desire to do so with that Leilani: I don't know becos it's 🩸? Saint: 😂 Saint: Fair point Saint: just wanted to see how you'd put me off yours specifically Leilani: we'd circle back to me being underage Saint: do you think vampires ask for identification first? Leilani: no, but in this case you know how old I am Saint: I'm not going to suck your blood Saint: you have my word Saint: and I invited your here, sort of Saint: you'd have to invite me in Leilani: ignoring that being what someone who was about to drain me would say, you must've been to Grace's house before Saint: Probably? Saint: not as if I'd have much call to be there though Leilani: I'm honoured that you're looking for an invite now Saint: I never said that Leilani: 🤔 Saint: I said you would have to invite me over if I were to go all 🧛 Saint: so you're perfectly safe here and now Leilani: [giving him a look like okay boy] Saint: [little lol like okay fair enough] Leilani: [a smile back, excuse us everyone] Saint: [i'm like who a nosy hoe here 'cos I'd be 👀] Leilani: [well Astrid would just say it and we know she's there LOL] Saint: [truuu but she is an innocent soul so she probably just thinks he's being more friendly than his face usually suggests lol] Leilani: [I like to think the twins know what's up, they're sassy] Saint: [be those cheeky children who embarrass you] Leilani: [definitely & Matilda is probably 👀 on this vibe] Saint: [is cute] Leilani: [love that you're being less serious rn sir] Saint: [it's out of character enough to be a Thing™ like he's not a dick but he doesn't have to go this hard for anyone in the fam like protection, caring mode obvs so it'd be like oh hey] Leilani: [enjoy that fam, I know some of you adults are nosy hoes] Saint: [lol the goss, god bless] Leilani: what did you put in this drink? Saint: What? Saint: Nothing? Leilani: no, I mean like ingredients Leilani: it's nice Saint: Oh Saint: [whatever sassy concoction we've made 'cos you'd have that knowledge even if you don't party that hard 'cos Ruster kid] Leilani: 😄 Saint: you like it? Leilani: it's delicious Saint: 😁👍 Saint: Do I get a sticker now? Leilani: yeah Leilani: & more 🍭🍬🍫 Saint: the kids are gonna hate me Saint: better share or get mobbed Leilani: I could just invite you over to eat what the trick or treaters didn't before we got here, you know Leilani: keep you 😇 Saint: You really want to secure my spot in heaven Saint: My acceptance would hugely depend on what 🍭🍬🍫 was on offer Leilani: [the list of everything Grace bought and we know she's extra so] Leilani: so you see, I'm thinking of my own 😁 Saint: Did she expect the whole of town to show up or? Saint: I better intervene before you look like a 👶/👵 depending on how you think about it Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: I think she's expecting me to eat my feelings Saint: Nice to have the option Saint: perhaps not at the detriment to your 🦷 or 🩸 sugar though Leilani: we'll pretend midnight snacks don't count Saint: No calories after midnight, everyone knows that Leilani: the later it gets, the less there are? Leilani: becos we'll definitely still be here later than that Saint: Might even get to breakfast Saint: what would you have then if calories didn't exist? Leilani: for breakfast? Saint: Yes Leilani: 🥞🍨��🍫🍒 Saint: Well that just sounds 😇😇🤤 Saint: Perhaps we can go make that happen when we finally leave Saint: or will Grace object, take on that protective role fully Leilani: taking advantage of her fear of overstepping isn't very 😇 but it is honest Leilani: & this isn't a date date Saint: Not my intention, though if you think that would be a direct impact then perhaps we shouldn't Leilani: it's okay, it's just breakfast Leilani: the calories don't even count so it can't hurt Saint: It is Saint: I wouldn't want anyone to think differently Leilani: start as you mean to go on, I recall it Saint: I mean Saint: that wouldn't be right, would it Leilani: if people think something else is happening to what is, it's easy enough to set them straight Saint: Why would they even think that Leilani: retro 💭 Leilani: you can't spend time with anyone of the opposite sex unless they're interested in the same or you're interested in them Saint: It's just ridiculous Leilani: yeah, but you are 😇 & the fittest so I can't blame people for thinking I would be Saint: I assume people would think that's the last thing on your mind Saint: but maybe I'm giving too much credit Saint: most conversations seem to end up back to when am I going to get another girlfriend Leilani: that joke you made about my girly hormones works for my age too Leilani: especially becos I haven't had a boyfriend Saint: 🙄 Saint: It isn't the be-all-end-all Saint: trust me Leilani: not a classics 📚 way of thinking Leilani: if this was Russian Lit you'd die for her Saint: that's why their particular brand of melodrama is banned Saint: and 'she' doesn't currently exist, as I said, unless you'd like me to pledge my undying, unwavering love to the idea of women in general Saint: I can knock up a speech now Leilani: sounds like fun Leilani: go ahead Saint: 😅 Leilani: not the answer you wanted? Leilani: if you offer me a speech, I'm gonna say yes Saint: I need some time to write it Saint: I also need to find a pen Leilani: [hands him a pen in a sassy manner because she would have a handbag with this outfit] Saint: [the ultimate cliche of lingering when you take something lol] Leilani: [when you can't keep the sass up cos you gotta smile at him again like...I love to think about everyone watching this] Saint: [obviously we're smiling back and being all bashful like gotta go find some paper] Leilani: [looking in that handbag for something he could write on but there's nothing because she's not that hoe carrying everything but the kitchen sink so a cute 🤷🏾 like soz] Saint: [go find a napkin to write this speech about love and womens on then find her and give it to her and hope no one else reads it 'cos that is pure flirtation if I ever saw it] Leilani: [we're keeping that napkin hens & soz Matty even though we BFFs you're not reading it luv] Leilani: okay, I'd vote for you 🗳 Saint: [not explaining that inside joke hun we have no time sorry] Saint: That's all I really wanted from you, naturally Saint: 😈 Leilani: I'm naturally powerless to do anything but swoon, we've gone full classics now Leilani: you got what you really wanted there Saint: Having you powerless to my every whim and will sounds like another genre than classic to me Saint: unless you'd like to state your case for 50 Shades Leilani: 😅 I need to read it 1st Leilani: so thanks if you're choosing it for book club Saint: Top of my reading list, I just needed the excuse 😏 Leilani: isn't there like a whole series? Leilani: you'd know Saint: I officially decline to add that to my brand, thank you Leilani: I get why, you're angry she wrote out the vampires, obviously Saint: Precisely Saint: What kind of discrimination... Leilani: [a lil irl lol like peeps aren't getting enough of a show with this] Saint: [😍] Leilani: [I hope you're re-reading that napkin or talking to your bff right then cos if you see them 😍 you'll die] Saint: Who's costume do you think would win? Leilani: your dad's Leilani: the birthday boy has to win Saint: just because it's his birthday or Leilani: yeah, Grace's is the best Leilani: I chose it for her Saint: 😅 If you do say so yourself then Leilani: if you're arguing it's becos you want me to hype up yours more Leilani: she looks amazing Saint: I'm simply saying on your 2nd go you and Vee should get on like a house on fire Leilani: 😧 Saint: It's not a bad thing Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: okay, who do you think should win? Saint: You have things in common, is the point Saint: I don't know, the kids are probably the most imaginative Leilani: what things? Saint: 💅💄👗 and thinking you're very good at them Leilani: I think I did a good job at picking her specific outfit tonight Leilani: you don't have to say it like it's a bad thing Saint: I didn't Saint: I specifically said it wasn't Leilani: sure Saint: I'm sorry if that's how you took it Leilani: I'm sorry if that's what I look like to you Saint: What, interested in how they present themselves? Saint: I don't see why you'd apologize for that Leilani: up themselves Saint: I didn't say that Leilani: I don't know how else you expect me to take thinking I'm very good at something Leilani: you didn't even say I was very good at it Saint: Does it matter what I think? Leilani: not if it's that I have an ego the size of your sister's Saint: I meant it as a good thing Saint: I don't know what else to tell you Leilani: I don't know what else to tell you other than that's not how I took it Saint: And I said sorry so that's that Leilani: yeah Saint: Don't think about it, it really didn't mean anything Leilani: I won't cause a big scene about it either way Saint: Just enjoy your evening, okay Leilani: I am Saint: Good 🙂 Saint: that's all anyone wants Leilani: I didn't mean to get all 💣💥 it just upset me, what she said Leilani: so you saying we're alike isn't something I want to hear atm Saint: I understand Saint: that's fine, it was the wrong thing to say Leilani: it isn't fine, she's the one who got to me, not you Leilani: I'm sorry Saint: I was insensitive Saint: I just don't like conflict Saint: but it can't always be straightened out so easily Leilani: I will have a 2nd go when I see her at school Leilani: maybe it'll get straightened out Saint: How are you feeling, about school? Leilani: stressed Saint: I bet Saint: it'd be weird if you weren't Saint: but you seem to be good at making friends so you'll be okay Leilani: but that was before, now I'm not gonna know if they feel sorry for me Leilani: or think they have to be nice to me Saint: Do people have to know? Saint: You need a story why you've moved school, but it doesn't strictly have to be the full truth, or the truth at all Leilani: Venus knows, I'm not having her catch me in a lie Leilani: anyway, it's what happened Leilani: I can't escape it by lying Saint: Fair enough Saint: it is the best policy, after-all Leilani: it wouldn't be fair to my mum to change the story, she can't Saint: That makes sense Saint: disrespectful Saint: well, I think, however unfortunately, that people's sympathy only extends so far Saint: you might lose some, but you will find out who your real friends are with time Leilani: there's that word again Leilani: time Saint: I think it's pretty unavoidable Saint: it sounds worse than usual Saint: but people you think are your friends can turn around and not me Saint: for any reasons, it isn't that this is happening, or going to happen just because of your mum Saint: you know? Saint: It doesn't sound comforting, it isn't Leilani: it is a little bit Saint: People are flaky Saint: you just notice when you could use some of them to not be Leilani: who hurt you? other than the girls you're unwilling to die for, I mean Saint: What? Saint: No, no one Leilani: your friends haven't? Saint: I'm fine 🙂 Leilani: I don't believe in 🙂 Leilani: give me a real one 😁 Saint: [IRL 🙂] Leilani: [IRL 😁] Saint: [looking awayayayay] Leilani: [getting him another 🍷 because you are soz you kicked off] Saint: [just like 'who served you?' 😏 bants 'cos he's not even old enough yet either] Leilani: [we just loling because this is a fam function and everyone knows it's for him but asking if she can try it, to which I say don't do it gal wine is gross] Saint: [offering it but warning her it's an acquired taste 'cos truly] Leilani: [taking a sip and her face would be ICONIC because ew, just don't spit it back into his glass babe] Saint: [loling and asking if she wants another mocktail instead] Leilani: [a hard yes because need that taste out of our mouth] Saint: [go get that boy] Leilani: you should've written a speech about why you like drinking 🍷 Saint: A toast would be more fitting Leilani: shorter & easier too Saint: and more warmly received Saint: especially by this crowd Leilani: 😅 Leilani: [gives him the pen back like there you go then] Saint: [swap that for her drink and get to 🤔] Leilani: [take a sip so he can see your happy face when you taste it compared to a second ago] Saint: How am I meant to argue with that? Leilani: I'm not doing your work for you, St Saint: 🥺😏 Leilani: maybe you could compare it to a girl, that was a very good speech Leilani: [re-reads it] Saint: Acidic...bitter...goes straight to your head and stays there 'til the next day Leilani: disgusting, leaves a horrible taste in your mouth Leilani: makes you say things you maybe don't mean Saint: might get half the room to raise their glasses Saint: if they're feeling brave Leilani: if they're feeling 💔 Saint: Yes, that too Leilani: there must be some reasons why you drink it, other than frustrated vampirism Saint: the 💔 obviously Leilani: you said you were 🙂 fine Saint: Philosophical 💔💭 Leilani: what does that mean? Saint: I'm just theorizing on it Saint: no personal experience worth noting Leilani: ... Saint: We don't need to bring the party down with my non-issues Leilani: no announcements, just me Saint: Alright Saint: but only because you don't want to be treated different, not because I think it's important or a big deal or anything at all Saint: I did have a girlfriend, 'til quite recently Saint: but no one here knows that she cheated on me, and that's why I ended things Saint: with one of my friends Leilani: how 🍷 of her Leilani: are they together now? Saint: I'm not sure Saint: Guess I'll see at School Leilani: how long were you with her? Saint: About 2 months shy of a year Leilani: that's horrible, that she didn't end it properly Saint: Yeah Saint: we were really alike Saint: I thought Leilani: we're both dreading school, I wish that was more comforting Saint: I don't want to complain, like it's anywhere near the same Leilani: it doesn't have to be the same to be something we can talk about Saint: I know Saint: it's just Saint: I already feel stupid without complaining to you Leilani: she did something stupid, you don't have to feel like that Saint: I do though, we're a close group Saint: they're both in all my classes pretty much Saint: then I think that the rest of them had to know Saint: so, what does that mean for all of those relationships too Leilani: you won't know what it means until you know whether they were keeping it from you or not Leilani: but you get to decide what happens next with those friendships either way Saint: People pick sides, and even if they already haven't Saint: it won't be the same Leilani: maybe it shouldn't Leilani: if they've picked his side or hers, you deserve different than that Saint: It's my last year Saint: bit late for all that anyway Leilani: if you go into it with that attitude, yeah Leilani: you wouldn't say it's too late for me Saint: You have time, and reason to make it work Leilani: you too Leilani: we haven't known each other long, claiming you need years is a stretch Saint: This is different Saint: I don't know how to explain it Leilani: join a club with me or something, we'll make new friends together Saint: 😅 What kind of club? Leilani: I don't know Leilani: obviously not the Russian Lit appreciation society Saint: Maybe they'll have an anti-appreciation society Leilani: 😅 it'd be popular & so would we Saint: You will be Leilani: there must be genuine clubs you are interested in 🤔💭 & I'll sign up too Saint: I have lots of extra-curriculars Saint: but there's probably a few left out there I haven't tried Leilani: great Saint: What do you want to do? Saint: Sports, music, etc... Leilani: my only demand is no swimming Saint: The chlorine? Leilani: the cap I'd have to wear Leilani: not cute Saint: 😂 Saint: [and IRL] Leilani: hey! I'm serious Saint: Okay, no swimming Saint: we have a pool anyway Leilani: oh, good idea, throwing a party would be a good way to meet people Leilani: 💅💄👙 instead Saint: Hold on, who said anything about a party Leilani: me Leilani: just then Saint: It's a bit Leilani: ... Saint: You do know my sister lives at my house too, right? Leilani: she told me she's back & forth to Paris, can't we do it when she's 🛫? Saint: Not as much as she wishes Saint: I mean, I suppose you could Saint: long as you don't post it all over socials and trash the place Leilani: we could Leilani: the point is, you're there too Saint: A pool party full of underage girls? Saint: I don't know if that's the right direction to be going in Leilani: the 2nd point is, they won't all be underage or girls Saint: Well as mentioned, I don't exactly have a lot of older boys to invite Leilani: that's why we join a club 1st Saint: How many steps does this plan have then? Leilani: I don't know Leilani: it depends how those go Saint: You're funny Saint: And I don't mean that in any way but the words I'm saying, for the record Leilani: I'll be proud becos your laughter is transformative Leilani: it makes you look & me feel really different Saint: Those are some pretty persuasive words Saint: maybe you should write the speeches Leilani: I'll add speech writer to my vision board when I get back Saint: You could do it for me Saint: if that wasn't such a 🥱 prospect Leilani: I think it could be fun Leilani: but what's my cut? Saint: Paying staff is part of a MPs fabled expenses Saint: we can make that wage up as we go along Saint: as long as people don't think I'm favouring you for any reason beyond your 🖋🗯 Leilani: [bats her eyelashes at him in an OTT manner like who would ever think that] Leilani: 😅😅 Saint: [😏] Saint: you'd get to live in London, if you wanted Leilani: who wouldn't want to live in London? Saint: It certainly has its charms Leilani: 🛍🌃💃 Saint: Those are some Leilani: add yours then Saint: 🏛 🛥 ⛪️🚇 🕌 🚖 🕍 🎭 ☕️ 🍷 🍽 Leilani: I was with you until 🍷 Leilani: still, you can show me around before I start work Saint: It's a deal Saint: maybe you'll like white, or rose Leilani: let's see Leilani: [goes off to get wine like] Saint: It takes time Saint: to acquire the taste Leilani: to kill your tastebuds Leilani: [imagine the scene of her with a glass of wine in each hand taking a sip from each and making different but as ICONIC faces of disgust, we're giving them to Matty, fill your boots gal] Saint: How many 👎s? Leilani: as many as poss Saint: 😅😅 Saint: Stick to juice Saint: apart from being bad for your 😁 and the possibility of a sugar high Saint: better option all 'round providing you brush Leilani: is this where you ask for photographic proof back? Saint: 🤔 Saint: I think I trust your dedication to pearly whites Leilani: thanks Saint: You seem...disappointed? Leilani: do I? Leilani: trust is nice, I'm not 😤 Saint: Good Saint: you can send me evidence if you want Saint: maybe your breakfast 'gram, if it lives up to the expectations Leilani: aren't you gonna be there? Saint: Didn't we decide that might not be a good idea right now Leilani: I've only had 3 sips of wine & I don't remember agreeing so Leilani: no? Saint: I don't want my eyes scratched out 💅 Saint: you did a good job on the 😱 factor on her Leilani: I don't have my 🐱 yet Leilani: you can be scared then Saint: You are a 🐱 Saint: so had I better come or else Leilani: if we share the 🥞 you'll be helping curb my chances of a sugar rush & cavities Saint: So that's the for argument Leilani: yeah & I'll keep being funny Saint: You're meant to do against now 😏 Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: the risk of your own sugar rush & cavities Saint: 😂 Saint: I would hate for you to think I'm scared of a little sugar Leilani: 🧄 & 🌤 right? Leilani: or maybe underage girls & unreliable narrators Saint: I'm the unreliable narrator underage girls are scared of Saint: except I'm not, obviously Saint: I'll take vampire rumours over that any day Leilani: at least that means you won't take some other girl for breakfast on the morning of my 16th birthday Saint: That would be very cinematic Saint: but also very rude Leilani: 💔😿 Saint: You'll have to tell me when it is so I can keep it free, avoid the 👿 Leilani: [her birthday whenever we decide that is] Saint: It's in the diary Leilani: 📱 or 📖? Saint: I have both Saint: but I'm not quite that nerdy that I've brought my paper one to a party Leilani: I was just 💔😿 that you borrowed a pen from someone else Saint: Okay, so that's pretty 🤓 Leilani: excuse you, it's not my fault I don't have 20:20 vision Leilani: 🕶🖤 Saint: You aren't that blind or I'd have noticed by now Leilani: I'm wearing contacts Saint: I mean 🕶 is a bit of an exaggeration Leilani: it's a cute emoji, I'm sorry Leilani: & 🤓 is not good teeth representation for me Saint: [actual lol] Saint: Okay, you can have it Leilani: [actual 😍] Leilani: thanks boss Saint: [try not to 😳] Leilani: [use your skin tone to save yourself boy] Saint: wait 'til the tour to decide if you accept Leilani: becos what happens on tour stays on tour or? Saint: depends how much evidence you collect 📸 Leilani: you're the 😇 Saint: Allegedly Leilani: it's your own promo Leilani: meaning you could also convince me you're 😈 Saint: I don't see the benefit in that Leilani: [a LOOK like] Saint: I'm not going to convince you of anything 😈 with just words Leilani: I definitely don't remember making it a words only rule Saint: 🤐🤔 Leilani: ... Saint: [miming both again but we're smiling] Leilani: would you like to dance? in classic 📚 it's totally scandalous Saint: As long as we leave appropriate room for God Leilani: I think if I was fully playing by my god's rules you'd have to be in the next room Leilani: & I'd be wearing 🧕🏾 instead of ears Saint: That would make your outfit very confusing Leilani: this outfit is too tight to be islam approved Saint: [show up to dance like lemme take a closer look] Leilani: [we're having a moment & all I can think about is Grace peeping] Saint: [peeping in a costume which just makes it more amusing some reason] Leilani: [it's happening but I am gonna cockblock this before it goes too hard by saying she starts crying because she can't wait to tell her mum about this & realises she can't #beentheregal] Saint: [oh baby] Leilani: [so then we embarrassed & have to go outside cos there's always peeps in the toilets at any party/fam function] Saint: [at least as Grace is peeping she can follow you and deal 'cos we're gonna assume that isn't what you want him to do] Leilani: [when you wanna go home because mortified especially since he hasn't followed so you think he's mortified but you also don't because you were and are having fun which is the whole reason we cried like #ohjoy thank god Venus is not here] Saint: [we're in actuality worried like oh we shouldn't have done that/any of this lowkey] Leilani: [lowkey outside for ages until Grace is probably freezing to death so we're back but NOT looking at him because dying] Saint: [the awks, go make yourself busy boy] Leilani: [when you're avoiding him but you don't want him to avoid you] Saint: [a mood, at least it is your dad's bday so you can make it look not blatant] Leilani: [maybe this is a good place to end the convo, like it's rude to them but legit] Saint: [agreed, like, can't really come back from this tonight, you will be going home soon gal and breakfast is not happening today] Leilani: [it'll be a hilarious awks but good starting point for the next convo we do like yeah soz I sobbed on you sir]

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phynali · 2 years ago

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I absolutely think you're right that vocational training has become less common (to the extent where certain trades are in high demand because there are so few trained in them) and there has been this major push toward university education. University has been framed as essential for economic and social mobility, and has acted as a legitimate barrier for advancement for a lot of people, which is an issue. A person shouldn't need to go to university to have autonomy, respect, and mobility at their job. And like you said -- a lot of jobs ask for a degree that really don't need one and don't make sense to require one, which is compounding the issue.

I definitely see it in Australia, and in Canada (but less where I was from, admittedly, which had a greater trades focus than most places), this push for everyone to get a university education, regardless of whether that really makes sense for their wants and circumstances or the job requirements. And I've seen it put a lot of pressure on universities themselves to teach vocational skills and act more like job training than universities are largely equipped to. It's a weird predicament and it does mean you get a ton of students who are in school because they have to be, not because they have a strong intrinsic motivation.

And while I think education is great and having an educated population is a good thing, it sort of simultaneously means that the education they're getting isn't maybe what they were seeking or won't give them the hard skills they need, and yet isn't necessarily translating to the actual development of soft skills like critical thinking and communication etc, not as much as a university education was in theory designed to promise.

The way I often describe it is that in a fair society, everyone should have an opportunity to go to university and it should be free/inexpensive to do so, but no one should feel obligated to in order to have a decent life.

I've taught the same couple classes for a few years, and each term the percent/volume of questions about the assignments has gone up, based on the same (or more!) starting info in the outlines and rubrics. Students are so focused on getting The Right Answer and doing things Right that they don't trust their own judgement and ask a ton of questions to make sure they're doing things right or want an excruciating level of detail.

And honestly? It's exhausting and a little frustrating.

I want students to succeed and feel confident in themselves, but I also don't want to be holding the hand of whole ass adults and telling them which specific passages in the textbook are the most critical to focus on and that yes they're on the right track with that analysis or that it's fine to interpret as they've done or that yes when we say apply the concepts from class those are the concepts we mean and yes when we say make a critical judgment we do expect you to apply critical thinking and evidence and that's exactly what it says in the assignment outline and -

I know it comes from a place of anxiety and it's how they're trained so I don't put this frustration back on the student but as an educator, it feels like a certain amount of bullshit to be teaching graduate level classes with the same degree of hand holding I would have sought as a student in *maybe* my first term of uni but realistically only sought early to midway through high school, if that.

The kids (and many of the adults) aren't all right, y'all. And the burn out and burden this places on everyone else in the system is just as much of a problem.

#i genuinely feel like post secondary education is in this growing pain / transition / existential crisis #promulgated by the corporatization if education and by capitalism #and by propping education up as a class barrier and using it as a promsie of upward social mobility #which is then undermined by the cost and the new entry level expectation of a degree #you need a degree to do basic data entry yet meanwhile most tech companies don't ask for one bc your skills (not studies) are your asset #anyway i have a lot of thoughts about where these issues are from and how they're spiralling still #but tbh i would honestly love to see a stronger return and emphasis to vocational schools and training #i think it suits so many learners and is so societally undervalued #but i digress #phyn rambles #education systems #thank queue for coming

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yuwhala · 6 years ago

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I've been thinking a lot lately about this issue because Imane's season is finally out (and every clip so far is amazing). I've not watched Sana season when it aired because I needed time to accept that it was the final season and stuff. So, after watching it and loving every moments of it, I was quite taken aback seeing that it was for most people the worse season of OG. I've red the many critics made about why some stuffs were really not ok, and I do understand why people were quite angry at the show. Season 4 has had many flaws and reading about them hurted me because I loved it so much but it would be insulting not to point out the things that were not ok. I think the main thing that bothers me quite a lot is Isack telling Sana she has the obligation to educate everyone. I think that was not what Julie wanted to say but it still is the outcome of what we understood of this dialogue. Anyway, there is one thing I've red (I'm sorry, I don't remember where I red that or from whom it was) that I did not totally agree with : the fact that Yousef was not Muslim anymore was not realistic. Some people pointed out that it was created for drama purpose only and that it was not something that could have happened like that because Muslim people talk about stuff (I'm paraphrasing and I'm quite sure the original post said it way better than me). I used to be a catholic girl. I was baptised and did three big catholic events that catholic people do when they're teenagers (sorry I don't know what it's called in english). But like I said, I used to. When I turned 16, because I was growing up and learning things about life and all, I realised that I couldn't believe in a book and a religion that said stuff I was really against. I know I know, catholic people do not agree on every issue either. And I'm not saying that what I did is what religious people should do at all. Or that you can't have your own opinion and still be religious. But I was just growing up and I decided I was not catholic. I didn't even suffer a major shocking event like Yousef did (aka seeing his friend wanting to kill himself because he believed the quran said he shouldn't exist. AGAIN I'm not saying that's what the book said, I'm saying this is what Even thought it said). I know religions are not the same, and the way you practice your religion is up to yourself and I truly respect people that believe in something and can put so much faith in it. But I do understand why Yousef could have had doubts. But perhaps it's not believable because he is Muslim and that's not how things work when you're Muslim. This is not me saying that the people who thought it was unbelievable that Yousef could have doubts in his faith are wrong. But something so shocking happened in his life, when he was a teenager, at the age where you're growing up and question yourself and everything that's around you. And he decided it was hard for him to be a part of a religion. Also, Elias and his friends are still Muslims, even after what happened. It's nice to show that not everyone is the same and that doesn't make you better or worse. More than it being believable or not, I think it was needed that he was not Muslim because thanks to that we got the cockroach talk and many other talks about spirituality, religion, faith and beliefs. And I think that it was beautiful and I loved the fact that we never truly get answers for who was right between Sana and Yousef and they both respected the other beliefs without being insulting. And Sana's words really impressed me because as a non believer of any god, she made me see why people can believe in it. I know I might have an ethnocentric point of view right now, and this is why I'm posting it right here so you can feel free to reply to me and explain me why you don't agree. But at the same time if you think I'm insulting just tell me and I will delete this rant.

#skam #skam france #just a rant that I'm already regretting but I needed to write about it

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caesar-is-hollow · 3 years ago

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Day 4: Your opinion on a recent news story

I really don't deal with the news that often. I have enough problems of my own without taking on everything else too. I would be in constant panic (slightly more than usual)

But I thought I would go ahead and do this one because I kinda feel obligated to.

I've been a practicing witch on and off for the past 10 years. I've only recently gotten really serious about it for the last 3. I don't know everything, by any means, but I feel confident enough to at least stop calling myself a 'baby witch'. (Yuck. Don't do this. Don't infantilize yourself. Witch-In-Training or Apprentice is so much better!)

Is TikTok a wealth of knowledge for witchcraft tips and tricks? Yes. Does that mean everything is up for grabs? Absolutely not. Here's the thing: you have to do your own research. Besides TikTok. New witches don't want to hear that, but it's true. What may work in someone else's craft may not work for yours. And the user you got that love spell from may not know what the fuck they're doing either.

Not all witchcraft is for everyone. Appropriation is extremely prevalent in the witchcraft community. Generally, if you are not a minority, you shouldn't speak over those who are. That goes for literally everything, not just witchcraft.

If you want more information about appropriation in witchcraft, I highly suggest Chaotic Witch Aunt on YouTube and TikTok. I don't really have the mental energy to go into all that right now.

The point I'm trying to make is that you need to know where things come from. All the ingredients to a spell have a purpose there. Even the day of the week or phase of the moon is important. You can't just throw some shit in a jar without knowing what you're fucking doing.

I know it's exciting to jump right in when you first get started, but having the basics down first is incredibly important. Even further than that, you should know what YOUR craft looks like. There's a billion ways to practice and it helps to know what your beliefs are and what magic means to you.

Going back to knowing the origins of what you're working with, there are a lot of foundational sources from the 70s-90s that don't even apply to now because of how sexist and problematic they are. Does that mean you can't learn from them? No, but it's always important to cross-reference. And if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

A lot of witchcraft study is based on morality. You'll often hear talk of 'white magic' and 'black magic', the good and evil. On top of this being an inherently racist representation, it's also a load of shit. Apart from serial killers, how many people are "pure evil"? Same goes the other way. Most people are morally gray. Like most things, it's a fucking spectrum, not one or the other.

You'll find a lot of this type of thinking in anything pre-90's. There was a huge witchcraft boom then due to pop culture (Buffy, The Craft, etc.) but unfortunately a lot of this stuff wasn't totally accurate. It can still be a good base to start from, but don't take it as gospel. I myself started with Silver Ravenwolf books, and now I've challenged a lot of the ideas I got from her writing.

You never stop learning. Ever.

The most important thing is to not be too hard on someone who is trying to learn. It's our job to help educate, not shame someone for trying. Witchcraft is powerful and amazing and I've had a lot of wonderful experiences from it. I would never want to take that from anyone.

Hell, if anyone has any questions, I would be glad to help answer them or provide sources for further reading.

And if that was too heavy, here's a Sweeney Todd-esque game coming out that I might have to get.

#witchcraft #witchy #witchtok #appropriation #misinformation #video games #blog challenge

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davidwindsor97 · 4 years ago

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For a while, I've been an asset to the U.S. Government. Since then they have continually asked what it is I want for my service. Since I am apart of a group of Missionaries that doesn't believe in payment due to service it has become complex to perceive what it is I do want. It comes the time to put into detail what it is I desire:

I want to reclaim my real full name, David Windsor. Of course, I want my blood to accept me. But at the moment it is irrelevant. I have an obligation to a people I can seriously relate to. People who if I was in the same position would gladly do the same. Maybe some of them wouldn't but why should that make the difference?

My circumstances have really been unnecessarily shameful. All I've wanted is to explore my identity and yet people offer secrecy. What I've noticed is in every branch of this United States Government there are those of advocacy and heresy. No sector of the organization feels solely the same for me. To consider such a thing would put everyone in the same bubble of thought. Such a form of segregation is something the Enemy holds in high regard. Which is why I shall remain intentionally ignorant of such practices.

I had the money and the means to get to Israel. But some fools froze my accounts impulsively and just plain extemporaneously as if I am some sort of terror threat. When I risk my life for there sakes they decide to paint me as an enemy. The kind of enemy destined for execution by there spiteful hands. What is logic? Simply put I am a Christian who is not swayed by their sinful indulgences.

I don't want a new identity or a new life. I want to accept the identity I've always had and enjoyed the life of which so many fools attempted to control. If my enemies face me like men instead of hiding like children and grow courage in the midst of numbers then I'll be ready. Why fear the wrath of man when I know the wrath of God is exact? Nothing could be swifter. So when I see these Barbie spies hiding every time I call them out I laugh. Because it reminds me of Adam and Eve. Didn't they try and hide from there mistakes? I too have tried to hide from my sins. The sin of deception, of arrogance, of selfishness, of lust, and there's probably more that I'm just not ready to accept. But that is the point, isn't it? We are all sinful people trying to make amends for our mistakes. But the only true way to do such a thing is to accept Christ as your savior. No government could give you a better chance than the Holy Trinity.

Another aspect that just bothers me is there constant attempt to find a code in everything I do. I was looking out this pleasant window expressing part of the Houston downtown area and people act as if I'm scouting out a sniper. My survival is based on a number of factors. But when God tells you you are safe their's no reason to doubt it. Relaxation is something I'm fond of. You just add anxiety when you anticipate something that isn't there.

They've made silent offers to go to school in the states. But frankly, this school system sucks. Elementary, Middle, High, and a bit of college. What did I learn? Absolutely nothing. Every useful skill I learned when I left the states or experienced extremities in the states. A school setting makes me want to regurgitate. Ergo, I would rather throw up than set foot in a ridiculous system. The education I required no money but all commitment. Sure some skills I acquired through favors and some coin. But the most important lessons were learned through earned respect. There's no way a school teacher respects every student. But when you first earn that mentor's respect thereby gaining the important lessons that are when you gain more than any college could give you.

That's not to say you can't gain a wealth of knowledge from any known education system. I've just learned more from the unknown ones.

I'll most likely come back to the U.S. to eventually pursue the arts. But that is not my main objective. I don't have scores to settle but relationships to build. No matter the high or the low that is all that matters. Perhaps the U.S will offer some resources for my journey other than the mud some of them (not all of them) have thrown on my face. But I really am fine either way. Here I can anticipate being treated like I have leprosy. So if I get nothing it would be by no means surprising. Plus they have the audacity to act as if they saved me. When really they're like a dad who decided to stop by after 22 years of abandonment while the mother (the Missionaries and other great heroes) has been protecting and guiding me from day one. And this mama bear hasn't taken any breaks. Even when a lot of them have. I have no doubt some of them relished the thought of my enemies killing me. But I am untouchable by God's grace not by any pitiful physical "mercy".

I am just so sick of feeling like I'm in a prison of misunderstanding. Despite my continual transparency. I'm transparent, not translucent.

There have been times where if they would have told me we're protecting you I would have to ask: how can you protect me from yourself?

Because if I didn't have my license and social a lot of them would have killed me by now. Does that mean they represent the entirety of the U.S. Government? Hell no! People like that are just examples of a load of cowards who can't accept how wrong they are because they're too busy bolstering up their egos. Honestly, I'm surprised they still have a job. How can you rely on someone who's more interested in saving their own asses then the guy next to them?

Oh, and do these pricks get pissed when I call them out on their bullocks. Then they try to act as they care about me. If I was a corpse on the street you would take a selfie, you sick demented morons! But have I, throughout this entire process, had a reason to anticipate death? By Gods Grace: no.

Their mistake is a heavy reliance on fear. I am referring to the cowards of course. Such people are a form of the slaver. They wish to keep their informants in fear so they can do anything they can to take advantage of them. To make the person bend over as they relish in their sadistic pleasures. Such people are the inevitable viruses of any system. Just because a car is dirty doesn't mean it can't be cleaned. Yes, I've given a wealth of information and exposed a wealth of criminals. But that doesn't mean I'm for free. Money has never been an object of concern for me. I've thrived with or without it. Its freedom I will continually seek. No amount of money, no occupation could be worth more than that to me.

Why should anyone fear my expression? Has it ever been a crime to express oneself honestly? Since I don't fear who I am I've officially accepted that cameras will follow me in some way. It seems my reputation has finally landed in the states. But at this point I quite like it. Just as long as personal space is constant. After all, I don't want to be treated like a slave again. A lot of people have called me a weirdo or just been confused by my actions as if I have to fit a certain mold. But I realized when I read the biographies of celebrities they were treated the same way. So I guess I could look at it as a good sign. I do think the photos and videos of me would be fun to watch in certain cases and just a plain invasion of privacy in others.

Despite these neanderthal's, I know a lot of them to care about me. But sympathy or apathy doesn't change that I need to go to Israel. Do I give a damn if my enemies know my destination or not? Of course not and I shouldn't have to mention why. There fear their of overt caution is just evidence of the fact that they have very little understanding of what they're dealing with. But the Missionaries do. And whether they help us or not makes no difference. We will still pursue the mission objective. As we always have and always will.

Yes, the Missionaries could get me there in a matter of days. But the relationship between the U.S and the Creed of Christians (Missionaries) needs to have a solid structure. Its clear to me now the whole purpose of coming back to the US to spill the beans was so I could be free to go where I please. Which thanks to my training is exactly where I'm supposed to go. I definitely can't dispute if it wasn't for the scrutiny of law enforcement and the constant surveillance (for a time) I wouldn't have had the chance to tear away from the fake family. So yeah that tearing away from that toxic mold couldn't have happened without them. It has been freaking cool working with them. Especially when I drove to LA. It was so composed. Every maneuver was a different thrill. And watching my enemies flee in fear wouldn't have been so satisfactory if it wasn't for my exposure induced by there surveillance. Recently the cowards tried to drug me which I can't help but laugh at. If my calculations are correct this is the second time they've attempted this. Even the Russians stopped drugging me because I learned how to fight through it. When it comes to any drugs as long as you physically exert yourself it is plausible to shatter that barrier between you and your capability.

One of the big mistakes some of them have made is thinking I am in some way going to be some sort of Edward Snowden ergo a boy who thinks he could run the country better by pointing out the flaws but totally ignoring his own hypocrisy by sleeping with a Judas of a Government. Look everyone can agree mistakes were made on both sides. As long as we remain transparent and not look for ways to annoy each other we really shouldn't have any problems. Yeah, I've been pissed off at the stupidity that has come my way, but that doesn't change the warm hearts I've come across as well.

Wither they be military, investigative, or a mixture of the two it's not hard to see that the people advocating for me within the U.S. Government and abroad are by no means few in number. This is why it is of the utmost importance for us to work together to put a stop to these extremists by any means necessary.

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