#bc like that post said people will not respond well to that kind of message

[theghostofashton]

.

[pepprs]

misery despair suffering etc etc

[bright-and-burning]

FIC WRITER INTERVIEW

tagged by the beloved darlingsest dearest @vroombeams

How many works do you have on AO3?

12 (10 for f1)

What's your total AO3 word count? 49,323... oh wow. that's. more words than i realized.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

not gonna include non-f1 fics for this lol (but if 8 people wanna go give begging hands knees please kudos to bump it above my old ted lasso fic...)

begging hands knees please (394)

but my tracks are better (341)

dive down deeper still (330)

the light between the lines (308)

relax and catch the manic rhapsody (222)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes absolutelyyyyy i fiend for responding. i guess the first like. mildly successful fic i wrote (said ted lasso fic lol) got a LOOOT of comments, many of which kind of lent themselves to discussion post vibes? like, asking questions, noting foreshadowing, that kind of thing. not sure if that's a ted lasso thing, a multichapter fic in progress thing, a not pwp thing, or just the specific people who got invested in that fic thing, but i was sooo spoiled. got very used to people like picking out their favorite quotes and asking questions and inevitably having like, 4 or 5 comment long threads going back and forth. glorious. all that to say i always respond to comments bc so many of the first comments i got were engaging like that. and now there's less of that kind of comment (though i promise i appreciate all the comments i get!!!) but the habit stuck with me lol

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

that's been posted? none of them. lmfao. actually the three angst-bombs in my docs also have happy endings, i think. well i know for two of them; the third is like, essentially vent fic. so who knows how that ends. not me. it hurts Me too bad to write things that don't end very well. i just can't do it. i gotta put bandaids on the blorbos before the end or i'll die

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

i am the sappiest mf alive . this is like asking me to pick what's heavier, 10 pounds of rocks or 10 pounds of feathers. the light between the lines has the highest end point in comparison to the start point? but yeah. looking at all of these like ok u end in them getting together, u end in them getting together, u end ambiguously but they're cuddling, ur just soppy established relationship fucking nasty. etc etc

Do you write crossovers?

i haven't ever! well not according to what i think of a crossover, which has to heavily involve characters from said other universe, rather than just putting characters in an au. im not opposed but i have no idea what it'd be

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i.... don't think so?? possibly on something long-orphaned from the early days of me writing i guess. but nothing i've noticed.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

fsdjfal yes. what does what kind mean... "dumbasses accidentally stumbling in a little too deep" is probably the blatant theme actually. oh fuck i probably should've added the under negotiated kink tag to my newest fic.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of??? would be baffled honestly if i did

Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no i haven't!! or not in the technical definition of that. a lot of my fic comes out of messaging other people and playing around w ideas collaboratively via kind of chat fic . and then turning that into prose. but that's the closest i've gotten. i'm not opposed tho

What's your all-time favorite ship?

all-time... i have been reading fic since i was like 9 years old . and i am incapable of living anywhere but the present, in terms of taste. so. god. all-time... they all serve such different purposes tho...... if we go on statistics i've posted nearly 30k of landoscar and like 20k of everything else combined so.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

runners au... such a good fucking set of ideas. interweaving stories... unfortunately, i'm not really into maxiel a whole bunch anymore (even tho THEMATICALLY. it would fuck even harder now). and i think i went too hard on world building and lost the spark for writing it. which is super unfortunate. bc i do think it would fuck.

What are your writing strengths?

oh dear fucking god. atmosphere, maybe? ppl compliment that sometimes. paying really strict attention to the like. grounding of what's happening in the physical world???? squeezing in lots of detail without being overbearing, maybe?? (hopefully???)

What are your writing weaknesses?

prior to this month i would've said writing with any kind of speed. and then i wrote an 11k fic in a week and a 3k fic in a day. so im working on it. is it going to sound horribly narcissistic to say i can't think of any. wait that's a lie actually i just needed to think. i feel like my POV characters tend to all sound the same. in general i feel like there's not a whole lot of variety in my fic fjlsdjfals. also probably the aforementioned inability to not put bandaids on the blorbos by the end; i dont think im very good at like deep emotional complexity

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

ehhh. i don't do it. for a lot of the reasons kee said actually jfdlsajf.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

ok so i THOUGHT . it was . ahem. maze runner rpf. which is very funny on its own bc i dont think i ever read the books or watched the movies. i was just really really really into the BTS clips of thomas brodie sangster and . his name is NOT conan obrien. fuck. DYLAN. oh wait that's also a lie i watched the first one with a bunch of 20 year old boys while drinking pink whitney in college . my point still stands; i wrote it like 7 years before i watched the movie. it's still up on ao3 it's just very much so orphaned and also Really Really Really Terrible. and i don't remember the title. i was like 13 ok.

none of which matters bc i recently experienced extreme flashbacks to the fact that i wrote 5sos rpf first. and i was into reading the gay shit (and wanted to get into writing it) but i entered a fic exchange and got a Y/N girlie. so i wrote Y/N fic. for someone else. i think that was posted on wattpad??? i couldn't even tell you which 5sos guy y/n was going on a date with. that was ten years ago 😭

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

soooo many except lando n oscar's voices come so easily to me now that every time i try to write something else im like jesus christ this is so fucking hard and for what. i have a r63 (the BOTH of EM) markoscar fic that would be nice to finish. someday. if i can figure out mark webber's fuckass voice. or that ancient 2019 rookies wip that actually i think was the first thing i ever talked to m @glasscushion about. i want to exploreeeeeeee. but im scared it'll be bad 😔

What's your favorite fic you've written?

the light between the lines for suresies. even when i hate everything i've ever made and want to like, delete my blog and tear down my ao3 and set fire to my laptop. im still proud of it? it's a very weird dichotomy when that feeling hits, lemme tell u. it's just so different from everything else i've ever finished/posted. it accomplishes everything i set out to do w it, and it came together like it already existed in the world, and someone just needed to commit it to paper. it made people CRY. i've never done that before! (well i have but not. in a 'i wrote something cool' way.) there's real growth, and a real world behind it... idk. also some people really liked it and said such nice things abt it that EYE cried. so . <3 (god fucking willing it someday passes that ted lasso fic in kudos. please.)

zero pressure (like so zero pressure it's negative pressure. i've created a vacuum.) tagging @foggieststars @leclercenjoyer @wewentcarracing @userkritaaay @its-all-papaya and @mecachrome <3333

[choccy-milky]

Hi babe, just read what u published about getting hate on Clora from your latest chapter.

I just wanted to say that there’ll always be people that will throw HATE - on your oc - story- decisions u make for your fanfic-story-character. The important thing here is to know where you stand, what u like, how u want your characters-story to be headed. I knoooow for a fact that is jealousy, towards you, your creativity, your imagination, and they just wanna be “cool”.

I’ve followed u for a time now ( and sorry I’ve always wanted to message you saying how awesome u are 🥲 but didn’t have the courage to do so… but this drew the line! ) and how you manage to portray the feelings, story and the character’s personalities is truly unique. U👏KEEP👏DOING👏THAT👏.

In my country we say “take the things from who says them” ( poor translation sorry ) it basically means take the comments and opinions from the people who know about the topic, from people that are important to you, from people you admire, etc. Not from those kind of people who CLEARLY have NO CLUE about the HP plot 😅 which like u said, it revolves about sacrifice and love, or just for the art of hating an -awesome- OC. Like, c’on we’re too old for this hating on one and other 😒.

I know it’s upsetting. BUT: Keep on shining. Keep on giving Clora her vibrant and wonderful personality that u both share. Keep working hard. Keep creating.

I’m sending all my love and support from a remote corner of Earth. 💖🫶

PS. Sorry for the long AF message. Toodaloo!😘

AWW TY BABE SRSLY💖💖💖 im so happy youve been enjoying my art/story/following me for so long!!!😭💖💖

and you're 100000% right, i need to just focus on the positive and people who enjoy my content and who are kind to me and whose opinions i respect 😭💖LIKE YOU!!💖💖and ik people might just then accuse me of surrounding myself in an echo chamber of yes men who just are nice to me bc i cant take criticism BUT HEY!! what else am i supposed to do for my mental health? if you dont like clora or my story/art or w.e else, just block me and curate your feed and move on and dont think about me anymore, the same way im trying to do for my own wellbeing. im lucky enough to have lot of ppl like my art and story but that doesnt mean i signed some agreement to have people be rude to me and i just have to take it with a smile. like naw my guy, i have ANXIETY UP THE WAZOO!! and im allowed to block and delete and respond to stuff like that when it upsets me too ALSO THANK YOU AS WELL @jodiswiftle 💖💖im so happy youre enjoying my fic sm. i got your ask but i hope you dont mind me just addressing it here, bc i dont wanna keep drawing attention to this and keep making separate posts about it/the negativity and i want this to be the last one. but IT REALLY DOES MEAN A LOT, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PASSIONATE RANT OF AFFECTION BAHAHA IT RLY CHEERED ME UP TOO 💖💖🥹

[keiipopped]

My First Scandal🤭

Okay so i wasn’t gonna address this because frankly it’s irrelevant to me but since bitches wanna get on here and post shit and so called ‘call me out’ so fuck it, I’m bored and have time tonight. If youre on enha writing tumblr then you may have seen posts from or about @dramaticalerror who i cant tag cause the bitch blocked me anyway LMAOO. So let me start by saying that if there’s typos its cause i just did my nails and am trying to type fast lmao and haven’t had nails in a hot minute. Anyway. The whole situation is genuinely irrelevant to me but bc people that have never interacted w me a day in their lives have shit to say. Ill say this, First of all, yes i told the bitch to off herself and yes I said I’d whoop her ass if this was irl (CAUSE I WOULD💀) however, this was after so long of conversation and them being rude initially. People I’ve interacted with on multiple platforms including this one as well as in real life can testify to the fact that i am genuinely a sweet person, but i will fight if needed. Last night i was on tumblr and this person came up on the regular enhypen tag which i follow and they were posting to tell people what they were gonna be writing and i ignored it. Then i realized what kind of content they were actually writing and i wanted them to disappear. Anyway i messaged them politely asking that they blocked me so it would basically be like they never existed and they proceeded to respond rudely but this part was not showed in their responses. They later told me i didnt “deserve” it and then that the more i insulted them the more they’d write Niki smuts and tag me in them. Which i stupidly enough earlier deleted the whole chat thread cause i said i was done w the whole thing. but i do have those. Anyway they later posted the chats but only the parts where i got out of hand AND then blocked me ANYWAY like a fucking clown. They also told me I’d eventually write smut which.. i wont? Like. Y’all i swear it was literally like talking to a 8 year old wall.

It’s just funny cause its so easy to tell how immature this person is because of the tags they use like #controversy. Are you serious 💀

Anyways there was so much more that went down in the chat but this is the only important(not) part. Bottom line is the shit they write is disgusting and anyone that disagrees and plans on writing that shit in the future just go ahead and block me.

AND lastly miss me with that “Jungwon and Sunoo didnt get the same defense” because i was fighting bitches when someone literally wrote smut for him the day after his 18th birthday and i wasn’t here when sunoo turned 18. and if you think people waited for Jungwon to turn 19 youre wrong too.

I would tag the mf also but they like i said blocked me anyway. So 🤷🏽‍♀️

[nymph-ette111]

Hello! I’m grateful you wrote my request and this is in no way me complaining, I only want to answer what you said about accuracy and all. I’m well aware than npd is not well researched so I’m putting this more so as a way to give you more insight than complain about your portrayal, I’m chill with it. Sorry for the long message. It’s kinda hard putting this stuff into words, but I want to bc I’ve seen one too many posts about all ppl with npd needing to be ‚separated from the society, put down or castrated to stop their kind from spreading’ so I’m not about to waste an opportunity to put out a different perspective. If you don’t want to publically respond I’m chill with that, this is just some info for you if you wanna know more

I really resonated with the part where you said Toby loves like a dog because that’s also the metaphor I use to explain npd. Bc it kinda feels like you’re a dog, you love like one certainly. It feels like you were raised for cagefights. They taught you when you need to bite to survive and get a pat on the back. Taught you that if you didn’t, things get ugly for you. Taught you that everybody is a threat. You have never been prepared to read emotions because surviving and winning were always synonymous and both consumed your youth too much to genuinely learn social clues. And maybe, now you’re out of that place. And suddenly you’re expected to be a good dog, to love and be soft and kind. But the best you can do is act and frantically look around the room for a sign of a threat, because at this point you expects to be hurt. Sometimes you still bite. You know how to fight for your life but you flinch when someone wants to hug you. You’re mean and bitter at heart because as far as you know anyone could hurt you for any mistake you make. Showing weaknesses is out of the question, so you put on a mask. You need to be the best and to be perfect because you know what happened when you weren’t. You hate yourself for every mistake and see that as a life-or-death threat. You seek patterns to be safe and you learn to respond well to things without knowing why you should perform a certain way. You remember that when you used to make a wrong step, it was hell for you. And it’s hard to make a connection when you fear everybody hurting you. When you can’t grasp why anybody would keep you around if you’re not benefitting them. So you act like you’re great and hope that people believe you enough to think you’re worth having around

When I met my roommate in the school dorms I really liked her. A few weeks into knowing her, she started giving me food and trinkets. And many times, though I acted with all the gratitude that I always had to show and I did all the things you’re supposed to do, I felt lost. Because I wasnt very useful to her. She had no benefit from giving me things. Shamefully, I do admit I sat there alone tearing up at a chocolate bar or two that she left for me because it felt so confusingly nice(?) and I still don’t know why she does it. But of course I know (by observation) that people are uncomfortable when others question things like that. So I don’t, I just try to be useful and hope she decides I’m convenient to have (a ‚pleasure to have in class’ of sorts)

With manipulation it’s hard to say how much of it is true because most of the diagnostics were based off of male case studies and generally when the label of ‚npd’ has been slapped on someone, most things they do are seen as kind of evil. I know I do avoid conflict and use my words to my advantage if I feel threatened, yeah. Just yesterday had a friend getting progressively more heated at me (we have very different opinions on things as it turned out) and I did subtly framed it as ‚I thought you were more mature than that, it’s really childish to blow up on me’ bc I know he feels like the group doesn’t treat him seriously. Is it good? Maybe not, but a threat is a threat and I’m not about find out what he does when he gets really angry lol

As to the ‚look at me, I’m the best’ kind of thing, you have to put yourself first because you’ve been put last by everyone else. In a sense, it really does feel like fighting for your life and then being thrown into a setting where nobody had that growing up so you feel like you need to act like them and count days before everything turns ugly again because it’s hard to believe most people aren’t cruel and dangerous. That’s all you’ve known and all you prepared for

So you have a hard time forming honest connections. You feel like an empty shell and discard your smile as soon as you’re through the door. You’re tired. And you don’t know how to act in this new world. So you still do what you need to survive, despite everyone telling you that it’s not about that anymore

Like, ofc I have some personality. I know I like making music and enjoy a quiet evening. I know others tell me I’m fun at parties, funny, charming. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what is me and what is my survival instinct kicking in though. The way I see it, the modern mirror of Narcissus is in other people’s eyes. And I just try to do anything to keep seeing admiration instead of hatred in them

To be fair I feel like that would work (somewhat) with the creeps, because they aren't super well either and someone who can see patterns in their behavior (how they act when something is wrong etc) could work better bc I don't see then opening up and talking about feelings either. Sure, all those things kinda suggest that they could also mentally destroy me if they wanted (but I would let them bc I love them, especially your portrayal of ben 😌😌). Also I heve a feeling BEN is the kind of guy to show you gore videos for fun and talk about tormenting others for funsies so inability to emotionally connect with others would probably make it easier to enjoy yourself around him lmao idk about others probably trauma bonding would work?? Lol

-⭐︎

HELLO?? I FUCKING LOVE THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE THINGS OH MY GOD I'll try to respond to every point in this message because I really like it and thank you for reaching out so often I love when people interact with me :) literally get so excited once I see that little star emoji at the end of requests because I know it's you lol. I mostly based the headcanons off of people on Quora (other than more research on different sites) since it's people with said disorder talking about personal experiences and other people who don't have npds' interaction with people who do have it.

I fucking love when people use the dog metaphors for toby when writing him.

I agree on the point that some creeps would have this, Jeffrey comes to mind, I feel like a lot brush him off as an evil person but I see it as a sort of defense mechanism for him? I can definitely see Jeff relating to this for sure.

IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE MY PORTRAYAL OF BEN X3 and that's so true I literally mentioned it in one of my headcanons like that stinky fucker would show you gore and legit go 'its not even that bad' when you start freaking out. Definitely pops up those videos on your devices randomly. He's so annoying I love him.

One thing I don't like about creepypasta headcanons that revolve around the reader having a personality disorder is the creators make them act so...nice? Like I know that's what people want to read but let's be honest these serial killers never experienced a day of comfort in their lives, I genuinely don't see them being all that nice about it unless it's more of the kinder creeps like Liu or Jane or Nina but even then they'd be awkward about it. The most they'd do is notice (unless you straight up tell them) and that's it. I wouldn't say they would straight up fucking degrade you for having a disorder but I don't see them caring because they're all traumatized, I don't see them sympathizing with reader so yeah that's something that kinda bugs me in creepypasta headcanons.

[a-canceled-stamp]

20 Questions for Writers

Thank you @motleyfam, @crows-murder and @selkienight60 for the tags! ^.^

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

157,488

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly DC, but Star Wars, Marvel, Malevolent (Podcast), Good Omens, and MHA make appearances too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River)

Then Came the Morning

A Leap of Faith

Talk To Me

There Are Softer Oak Trees

5. Do you respond to comments?

I used to respond to every comment fairly quickly but recently I just haven't had the time :(( I appreciate every single comment though, they bring me such joy 🥹

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be cardboard box - the first (sort of) hurt no comfort I've written >:D

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably There Are Softer Oak Trees :)))

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do!!!! Or...I'm giving it a shot at least. Not for DC, but for Malevolent. Might post something real soon :3

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I didn't even know this was a thing before today. That being said, I don't think so??

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would love to collab sometime :3

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I cannot pick one because I don't really have A favorite. But Stucky (Marvel), DinLuke (Star Wars), Merthur (Merlin), SuperBat (DC), TimKon (DC) and Science Girlfriends (Orphan Black) are all ships I enjoy.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Dying Is Easy, Living Is Harder. I have many ideas for it but unfortunately, I'm not obsessed enough about the characters to fulfill them lmao. Also An Unexpected Visit bc similar to the previous one I have a lot of ideas, but I just don't think I am talented enough to actually write those ideas.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've rewritten this answer 10 times, but no version felt right. At one point, I decided I was just gonna skip it. BUT NO. I'm gonna stop worrying about other peepz opinions and just say what I actually believe. And here it is.

I know how to make my writing more immersive with various details like sounds, smells, sensations etc. (and I LOVE doing this. The only issue is I sometimes do it either too much or too little ahdjkhsd)

I am VERY nitpicky. This can seem more like a flaw (and it is), but it has also helped me grow and understand what I like and dislike about my writing. It also means I spend a lot of time editing which makes posting SO much more satisfying (tho sometimes I gotta get those shorter fics out there for the instant serotonin boost lol)

I'm not a huge fan of characters who say/do things that don't make sense considering the genre/plot. Spending more time on this is challenging since I both dislike and SUCK at writing dialogue (why is English so HARD??), but it is also a lot of fun bc I think I am getting better at it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well, that part about being nitpicky is obviously a lie bc I didn't realize question 17 was gone ahdjshdkj. But I was the one who noticed it first among my friends so...maybe? Nope lol

English grammar. I have to double check every time I write a message to online friends to make sure what I've written is actually a sentence that makes sense.The thing is - I think I'm pretty good, but I actually suck. One time, I wrote mold wine instead of mulled wine in a fic. Never living that down. This is I think why it takes me so long to edit lmao.

Being too harsh on myself and not allowing myself to feel proud about my accomplishments/comparing my writing to other people. Yes, compared to other fantastic writers I suck, and it will always be like that. It's something I'm still struggling to accept, but I'm getting there!

Writing quickly. Like shutting off my brain and just writing doesn't work for me. I have to be there and edit every single sentence that I don't like, and I think this is why it takes so long for me to finish the first draft. Def gotta work on this!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hmm. Instinctively, I think it makes more sense to write something like, "Person A said something in a language I didn't understand" than to write in that language. It's more fun that way. And if both the pov character and I don't understand what Person A saying it makes me sympathize with the pov character more.

That being said, if I ever see someone writing in Swedish in a fic, I will be immensely happy (and horrified)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Rise of the Guardians on ffn. The fic is still there and is still hot garbage, but I did have a lot of fun writing it.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

I know what my LEAST favorite one is hjkahdsjk. Nah but for real, I love all my fics for very specific reasons. Like I have a sort of emotional connection with all of them depending on where I was in life, how I was feeling emotionally at the time, etc.

My top 3 would probably be Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River) bc it was the first fic I put a lot of thought and effort into, There Are Softer Oak Trees bc it makes me soft and fuzzy when I think about it, and cardboard box bc the comments made me fkn cackle.

It feels impossible to tag people who haven't been tagged yet but imma go with @miles2g0, @lurkinglurkerwholurks, @they-reap-what-we-sow, @liverobinreaction, and @bonesbuckleup. No pressure ofc!

[romanarose]

WHAT DO?!?

1. Rule number 14 of the internet. Don’t feed the trolls

I have just caught up on all 85 episodes of the Chris Chan documentary and my biggest take away was DONT!!! FEED!!! TROLLS!!! I struggle with this one. When I get rude asks I always want to respond especially if they say something fucking stupid… The ones I respond to are probably only 1/3 of the shit that I get. A lot of times they just want a rise out of us to not give them that. Sending to people or to certain confession pages even if they are nice just feed those trolls and give them fuel to the fire..

2. Does the person attacked want you to say something?

When I was attacked in April, I absolutely appreciated the people coming to my defense, especially sharing alternate viewpoint, especially in the beginning. However, after a day or two, I just wanted it to stop. Relogging post about a person in arguing just serves to give everything traction and arguing, just means we get to read more mean stuff about ourselves. Consider the author first. I am guilty of this where I want to publicly jump to my friend defenses when they are hurting but I have to consider is this being done for them, or to quell my own feelings.

3. Is the person saying the thing your friend or mutual?

Consider dming them. Especially if it’s a mater if something being factually incorrect. we all have been victims of misinformation at one point in time and I have believed things that were false about others so I appreciate a private correction. If it is a matter of opinion, it may be harder, like debate on if dark fiction is valid. However, keeping it private is best .

4. Consider the size of the issue.

Are dozens and dozens of blogs talking about it? If so, maybe your voice isn’t needed and you could reblog posts or dm support. Maybe you have a viewpoint that is helpful. Is it one small blog with 2 notes saying it? It’s probably best to move on and let it die.

Again, consider the person being victimized.

For me, the outpouring of love and public posts meant the world to me. Especially seeing blogs I followed but weren’t mutuals with or blogs I didn’t know at all come to my defense, but that’s me as a person. And that was just at the start. When I realized the fucking scale of what was happening I just wanted to stop.

I’m learning other people don’t always want support the way we want, kinda like love languages.

So, what can you do?

DO

Dm or send an ask depending how well you know them.

DONT

Be upset they don’t respond. They are likely receiving a lot of messages and although they certainly appreciate kind words, these sorts of things can be very draining and they might not have the mental energy to respond.

DO

Continue to support their works with comments reblogs, fanart or fiction or funny edits. Something not related to drama that shows you love them and publically support them.

DONT

Make the comment or whatever related ti the drama or mention it in anyway the Creator does not want to look back on the nice things overtime and be reminded of the bad things

DONT tell people every little thing being said!

I 💯 appreciated those who notified me something was said and it was BAD bc it’s a blog I never would have seen and it warranted being notified. However, if someone was sending me screenshots of every reblog and comment I’d be upset. Once the person is aware of an issue, unless asked to get info please don’t.

Feel free to add more to this! This is just what I’ve learned from my own experience and from listening to others.

I know this is a very trying time for the fandom if you need to leave or step back 100% support you. This is not fun for you anymore then you gotta do what’s best for yourself



[butch-reidentified]

hello hello my lovely Tumblr gals!

I've been waiting to post about this until it was like, a forreal sure thing, but I'm SO excited I gotta share the news 🤩

soooo as most of you already know, my wife & I both have serious chronic health conditions, which come with severe chronic pain as well as all the other wonderful symptoms. We have been struggling to maintain a life of working full time, doing things we enjoy to keep ourselves sane, taking care of our 6 pets, and also getting chores/errands/tasks done like keeping the house clean, grocery shopping and cooking instead of frozen meals and doordash, etc. A couple weeks ago, I posted an ad on a roommate seeking page to "rent" out our spare bedroom. Except instead of money, the majority of the rent would be "paid" by helping us out with those sorts of tasks to help us live as close to a normal life as possible. I created a scaled system where the more assistance = the more the reduction in rent, with a very low cap on the money side of the rent bc we really don't want to take advantage of anyone or profit off renting out a room, so just enough to cover the basic costs. The goal was to find a mutually beneficial arrangement with someone who needed a place to live without paying the current horrifying rental prices of South FL, and was able bodied and capable of helping us out a bit (on their own schedule, around their other work/obligations).

I posted it pretty impulsively when I had the idea, thinking not many people would see it or respond to it, just sort of putting feelers out to see if there was any interest in that kind of arrangement. I specified female only (and of course got multiple messages from men). First thing the next morning, a woman who looks about my age sends me a message. She and her gf have been urgently looking for housing since the plans they had made had fallen through last minute, after they were already packed and everything with their lease ending at the end of February.

She was 100% good vibes right away. We messaged for a couple hours straight, just got talking, and intermittently throughout the day. It turned out there were so many strange coincidences between us, it was uncanny. And talking to her felt like talking to a close friend of many years, not a total stranger. That first day I talked to her, really good things happened to me the rest of the day. Solutions to problems that had been causing me stress for weeks or months fell into my lap. I'm not spiritual or superstitious or anything for the most part, but sometimes the universe is just screaming in your face that something is right.

We kept texting, and planned a video chat "wine date" to discuss the arrangement and get to know each other better. We talked for hours, past 2am, and it felt so natural. Never an awkward moment. We have very similar couple dynamics, we like the same lifestyle and hobbies, we have the exact same sense of humor and communication style, the first woman I had talked to and I go by the same nickname, their dog and one of our dogs are very similar breed mixes and born almost exactly just 1 month apart... I could go on. I mean we even buy the same brand of vapes 😅 They're clean freaks who enjoy cleaning together, and one of them is super into cooking and likes to keep an herb and vegetable garden (we have a huge backyard and have been longing for a garden for ages). I looked up their post in the group, which was posted weeks before mine, and they were a perfect match. We were looking for the exact same things in a roommate.

The decision was made that first video chat night (there have been more since). They were abso-fucking-lutely going to be our new roomies. I wrote up a unique lease, month to month like we both were looking for, and had it looked over by a lawyer, who said we're good to go. My wife and I have been gushing about them to all our friends and our parents. We've been calling it a "couples crush" 😂 I told them that, and they excitedly admitted they've been doing the same thing. My wife and I have also been so much happier and more productive and active since all this started.

These absolute angels have even offered to help us get the house clean from where it's at now instead of us rushing to deep clean before they arrive. They seem genuinely empathetic and like they want to help 😭 And we feel the same way about their housing and financial situation. We own the home, which means there's an inherent power dynamic when renting out a room, so I worked hard to talk to them and create a lease that would equalize as much as possible. My wife and I emphatically expressed that we want them to feel like it's fully their home - we remember from renting in the past how it can sometimes not feel like your home. For me, renting was damaging to my mental health. All the rules and restrictions made me feel unable to create a safe-feeling home environment. We don't want to put any restrictions on them when it comes to pets, drilling into walls, painting the room, re-landscaping the backyard, whatever. We also told them they're always welcome to give us feedback, communicate totally honestly with us about any of their needs, complaints, changes they want to the lease, etc.

Soooo with all that said... they're moving in on Friday! We are all counting the days. We already know we're gonna have a ton of fun together. We even agreed to have "family dinners" sitting together at the table a couple times a week 🙈 We are all just so dorky it's beautiful.

And! I accidentally said "gyns" referring to them in a message 😅 so I had to explain that, and they were SUPER interested and want us to teach them about radical feminism. Like??? We couldn't have created a more perfect roommate situation in a mad scientist's lab. I've been working on trusting my gut recently, as it never seems to lead me astray, and every instinct I have says this is Good.

[bluegekk0]

Alr, Anon from prior, Allow me to elaborate.

1:

The reason I questioned PK and WL breaking up was because it seemed "Out of place", for lack of better word, It didn't seem like they were going to break up, WL still loves PK, and PK (in this au at least) seems patient enough to help someone find better ways to grieve, so it doesn't make sense (from my pov, obviously), for him to leave someone over something as simple as how she handles the death of her children, If you really wanted a good, in character reason for them to break up on good terms, you could also just say her mental instability became too much for him, and he left her bc he didn't want to play doctor anymore.

2:

I did not know you intended this au to be a comfort space, Mostly because the whole "He went into sleep, Got beat up by his kid, and his wife left him" thing doesn't make it obvious, so sorry.

and 3:

did not intend him to be a joke character?

Could have fooled me, It seems like the only content that is posted for the au to establish any kind of storyline is either indulgent palegrimm stuff, Memes, Or somewhat descriptive images.

In short, While I hold no blame on you for what you choose to post, this is what happens when one claims something to be serious, but doesn't necessarily treat something like it is serious.

Also, I don't intend the tone nor theme of this to be harsh, Passive aggressive, or criticizing, I just had greatly subverted expectations that somewhat annoyed me, and I enjoy writing long messages, So it wasn't difficult to make.

alright. i tried to be as nice as possible, i really did. when i said i don't appreciate those kinds of comments, it was not an invitation to continue to nitpick my au. you have problems with the way i write my character, that's fair. that does not mean i will explain every single issue you have with it or change it to your liking

i will be blunt. this au was not made for you. this is something personal for me. is it perfect? no. i'm not claiming it to be. it's not meant to be perfect. maybe it does not make sense. i'm not a good writer, it's inevitable that it will have holes. i do this for fun, and i share it because people like to see it. i do not want to "establish a storyline" in a sophisticated manner that is coherent and professional. i'm simply sharing art and ramblings about the characters i love that mean a lot to me. if you're looking for a well written narrative that always takes itself seriously, you're in the wrong place. you are free to scroll past my stuff. you are free to block my blog if it bothers you. i won't hold it against you

this is the last time i will respond to this. i do not wish to turn this into a drama and a bigger deal than it is. let's be respectful to each other and just move on with our lives. i make silly posts about my au, you have your own expectations that were not met by said posts. it happens. life goes on

[dreaming-of-mossballs]

hii so I'm like a super ultra silent reader of your content bc I am deathly afraid of my liked posts showing up on my friends' feeds. but I had to somehow let you know that even though you seem to be having some sort of burnout and unhappiness with your writing, as someone who's very very picky about what writing I even enjoy, your writing style and skill is definitely some of my favorite on the app at all. I totally understand being unhappy with your own work since I'm an artist too (albeit a visual artist so, not quite the same here but the idea applies), and I can relate to being unsatisfied with whatever it is you're putting out there. but basically, I just wanted to let you know from an outside view, your writing is extremely eloquent and well-put-together and organized. you can tell your writing is created with a lot of thought and time put into it, which is why it's so easy to enjoy. and side note, I LITERALLY haven't been able to stop thinking of your last post since I read it yesterday which almost never happens 😭. honestly even though there's like 5 gepard fans on here so he gets practically no content from anyone, I'd still prefer to have your writing carrying the "fanclub" of sorts over a large crop of posts from lots of people that isnt very well-done or thought about. I know you said this recent post may be your last one for a bit, so please, PLEASE take your time with whatever's next!! your stuff is always very much worth the wait ❤️ and please do take care of yourself and don't push yourself too hard.

(by the way, you totally don't need to post this on your profile or respond to it at all, I just wanted to send in some kind of message about it since as I mentioned, my paranoia prevents me from interacting with your posts directly 😞)

CRYINGB UGLY SOBBING OMGOMGOMG

It surprises me when people say I don’t need to respond because I can’t keep such a nice note to myself 😭 but I do the same thing when I’m sending asks so I totally get it (I’d get this tattooed on my forehead if no one stopped me)

i had NO IDEA I had a super ultra silent reader so this was an absolute joy to get. There was a post I saw earlier about how in fandoms, it’s either you talking with a small group of friends or your door is open and people come in and listen to you ramble. I’m definitely the latter. I’m so fortunate to have so many people invested in my story lol, because like most things I write, they start off as daydreams in bed. I’ve never written one out before, but I’m SO GLAD I DID.

And honestly, if I were to release something the quality I wanted it to be, it would take ages of rereading and refining. Unfortunately im not a very gifted writer, but all the practice I’ve gotten due to being obsessed with gepard has helped me a bit. I just have to remember that haha

Some less coherent thoughts

ITS EASY TO UNDERSTAND???? YAY IM SO HAPPY AHHHHHHHH

i actually based my style off the wings of fire series, i don’t know if y’all are familiar with it, but the introspective humor was so fun to me as a child. (Also I love using Chekhov’s gun as a crutch I’m sorry guys) it also stemmed from the worry that readers wouldn’t be able to visualize what I was picturing, so that ended up in a LOT of describing scenes early on. With no metaphors so it was just like. (Y/N) set the cup down, (Y/N) put the laundry in the washer, etc. hahaha it makes me laugh looking back on it

it also makes me absolutely kicking my feet giddy that it’s invaded your brain. I love giving people brain worms and inflicting emotional damage on them. And gepard ALWAYS shares posts with other Hsr men like. The absolute middle child treatment. But I’m glad I’m doing my part to bring something to the table that’s different than the usual 1k words he gets sandwiched in between five other people.

it makes me so so happy you think my writing is organized and well thought out, because I do put a lot of thought into it!

I’ve run out of words to say but i might come back to this to ramble pfft

i hope that fic gives you a good supply of serotonin for days to come 🩵🩵

[horizon-verizon]

Rhaenyra’s seclusion and grief over Luke’s death and her absence from her own war council is blamed for Rhaenys flying to Rook’s Nest alone and getting killed. The narrative even accentuates how detrimental Rhaenyra’s absence might have been to her own war efforts in having Corlys blame her for Rhaenys’ death, and again in having Jace recruit dragonseeds to increase the Blacks’s draconic power at a time when one of their dragonriders is indisposed. I don’t get why Martin uses a mother’s grief so often as a convenient plot device to force passivity, silence and absence on his female characters to fit the requirements of the plot, why it’s always the women who break down, rend their garments and retreat from public life, whereas men react to similar tragedies with anger, pursuit of vengeance and singular political focus.

*EDITED POST* (4/5/24)

I think it's important to identify when it is the maester or GRRM creating which messages to what audiences when it comes to Fire and Blood specifically. Because this is a frame narrative with an unreliable narrator. We have to remember that Gyldayn--a maester who's taking 100yr old anecdotes from people with their own conflicting agendas or inheritances of information--is both writing in hindsight of the effects of the Dance and is of the mind, like many others, that female rulership is bad. F&B is supposed to paint female rulership as bad.

BUT...

A)

You: "The narrative even accentuates how detrimental Rhaenyra’s absence might have been to her own war efforts in having Corlys blame her for Rhaenys’ death, and again in having Jace recruit dragonseeds to increase the Blacks’s draconic power at a time when one of their dragonriders is indisposed."

Watsonian Answer

Rhaenyra was recovering from a stillbirth (Visenya). She'd be putting her body more at risk than is good for the faction, because she is the very reason they are fighting. It's her claim, her future as their Queen.

And she herself is not the warrior-kind of person. Princess Rhaenys & Queen Visenya is more that. Plus, as I wrote HERE about Aegon II, her, and Alexander the Great, it is a huge risk for the leader of an army or whatever to go into a fight themselves.

Rhaenyra had never been trained to defend herself like most noble boys and men in Westeros. She isn't a warrior. Yes, the more battle-experienced a leader is, the more trust you could put into their ability to survive and even attack/defend their soldiers/subjects in a battle. Thus the lower the risk to self. But we need to acknowledge that not every person, man or woman, is going to be able to do that.

Going back to Rook's Rest, it was a trap, too, for her or any person she sent. Cole engineered or headed the plan by including Aegon-Sunfyre to Aemond-Vhagar. If Rhaenyra had gone, she definitely wouldn't have lived and the blacks could have banded beside Jace but it would be even harder to justify to some people doing so since they swore to her. And she herself cannot actively reaffirm and support her son's claims (with them being suspected bastards) if she is dead and cannot go on to rule and make some measure for them while alive/ruling. Rhaenys was way more experienced and assumedly more of a warrior, yet she does brutally.

Therefore, Corlys blaming Rhaenyra for not going out to risk herself is actually him being pretty misogynistic. There is no room made for her by him due to his grief yes, but also bc there is a belief that women are not fit for battle, never should lead, and should be kept out of said activities (because of the belief that they are physically just too weak/weaker than men and their bodies are "preoccupied" with childbirth and pregnancy makes them unable to respond as well to the demands of the unpredictability of battle). If that makes it easier for him to attack and blame her, he feels more justified to do that.

Same for child "rearing", or really for noble women's "observance of rearing".

Semi Watsonian, Semi-Doylist Answer

The text--written by a maester, who are mostly already misogynist themselves--does look at Rhaenyra side-eyed for not performing as a man/non-recovering birther could and the maesters really highlight Corlys' anger. I would attribute that to maesters not giving consideration to Rhaenyra's body (when her body has already lost "desirability" from her weight gain of successive childbirths, so they switch to and in the context of battle/"function") and choosing to keep their eyes shut about Aegon nearly dying at Rook's Rest (thus the reason why kings/queens/leaders are more often kept out of the thick of the fighting).

As always, when it comes to Fire and Blood's Dance accounts' unreliable narrator and less reliable sources, the readers are entrusted with recognizing inconsistencies and interpreting why/how those exist.

The Sowing (Doylist)

"The narrative even accentuates how detrimental Rhaenyra’s absence might have been...again in having Jace recruit dragonseeds to increase the Blacks’s draconic power at a time when one of their dragonriders is indisposed."

As for Jace being the one to suggest new dragonriders, using what I say above, I think that there is a sort of shift GRRM is making between Rhaenyra's authority to the promise of Jace and in doing so he's debilitating Rhaenyra.

Or it could, again, be Gyldayn not crediting her for something she did suggest they do?!

Let's say she didn't: Yes, this is obviously a depiction of a young man stepping up and helping his family/own claim, practicing adulthood sadly during wartime. This makes this heartwarming, but, as I and you note, it comes from Rhaenyra being pulled out of commission through her grief. This could have been written differently. Why not have them work together, Rhaenyra be the one to send Rhaena and Joffrey to the Vale and have her make Corlys the Queen's Hand? Jacaerys be the ones to send for Daemon's Pentoshi friends for his youngest brothers Viserys and Aegon?

Rhaenyra maybe having had the idea of the Red Sowing from Luke's death because she retreated for a bit and come back out with this idea? Gyldayn and most masters or contemporary men may not understand how she could have had such an idea, but we the audience could figure that she was locked away with her thoughts and it may have occurred to her to do this from her years-long struggles at court for her sons bc of the paternity suspicion. So she seeks revenge through the irony of having bastard offspring on her side fighting for her...aside from the needed extra riders. That would have been a great way for her to seek out revenge actively without actually fighting herself. A sort of subversion of both our (those who keep saying she should have gone, ugh) and those around her's expectations of a woman leading a side/house into war (not just battle, war).

But maybe Rhaenyra was the one to encourage to encourage her son to at least go to the Starks if not wholesale tell him what to do?! Again, this book was in-world written to disparage and discourage belief in female rulership. Gyldayn could have searched for information in the wrong place or he could have not thought about pursuing an important piece of infor bc he fet it wasn't important for his intent.

B)

You: "I don’t get why Martin uses a mother’s grief so often as a convenient plot device to force passivity, silence and absence on his female characters to fit the requirements of the plot, why it’s always the women who break down, rend their garments and retreat from public life, whereas men react to similar tragedies with anger, pursuit of vengeance and singular political focus."

I think it's partly from how men vs women, girls vs boys, have different lives of mobility and relationships to how they may use their bodies in a militaristic society. (Scroll Down to "Medieval/Westerosi Noble Male Vs. Female Mobility" of this post).

But AGAIN, Gyldayn is trying to "show" us that female ruler = bad ruler. HE could very well be the one to push forward this narrative element of women being too "emotional" to lead. the "plot" you mention could very well be just propaganda and/or loss of necessary information.

Let's take it at face value, again, anyway, jic: Westerosi women and girls grow up discouraged & punished for being vengeful, active in politics, or even just angry. Female rage is not as "useful" or acceptable to Westerosi aristocracy as male rage and revenge, as men are entrusted with military authority and power. And men are guided into compartmentalizing their vulnerabilities and grief into action. So while women do get angry, and do go on revenge missions (Lady Stoneheart and Barbra Dustin), they are going to also be more likely than men to sit in their grief and not "channel" that grief or anger into an immediate attack. There is also that with women, their access to learning how to politically maneuver others depends on their families' willingness to teach them. Finally, not every woman/girl is going to observe critical faults in her society in neglect of women and then respond to that by being an auto-didact (Arya vs Sansa; Elizabeth I vs Mary I). Girls/women are diversely human in that way.

However, IF THIS IS REALLY just GRRM, you have a point to point out that GRRM debilitates some of his main-or-Targ women with their extreme emotions a little more than he really needs to.

There is a story from Italy of a noble woman I can't remember the name of who responded to some siegers' threats to her son with "Do whatever you want with him, I have the means of having more children!", lifting towards her skirt or gesturing to her crotch. While mothers love their kids, they are also their own persons who are given or can develop a sense of ambition and desire to consolidate power/legacies/cultural memories for themselves as well. The two shouldn't be more mutually exclusive for them. For anyone, but in patriarchal societies, women are expected to be more self-sacrificing as they become the designated "nurturers" and domestic organizers of a household in some shape or form. However, the closest thing to a woman doing something like this in the ASoIaF world is Agnes Blackwood (AWoIaF -- "The Seven Kingdoms" -- "The Riverlands"):

When they become leaders, this woman was head of her household/city at the time. Whether legend or reality, it presents the reverse of the woman rejecting a male invader's sexual advances and desires to overpower/"merge" with her house (Agnes Blackwood and the ward of Arlan III) for his own domination and legacy with a woman using her reproductive capabilities as a means to assert her own authority/credibility. As she, instead of him, can "continue" her house independently. And doing it while locked in the event of battle, a site we modern readers would not expect coming into this sort of world new.

I'd have liked more instances of this happening in the ASoIaF world, and that GRRM doesn't allow for this more often shows how much he is creating a tale of female subjugation versus actually trying to be just politically mindful of women in history. Sprinkle in a few more success stories and reduce the amount of times extreme emotion is used to dramatically raise the emotional stakes.

I noticed that the Sand Snakes and Arianne Martell are all sort of stopped once Doran finally decides to let them in on his plans to restore the Targaryen monarchy. I just remembered this. I took this to mean that Arianne and the Snakes, since Doran wasn't being an idiot by excluding them anymore and actually promising them their revenge, was a good thing. I'll have to reread to make sure.

I'll add gratuitous sexual violence that then draws out those extreme emotions to be used so a woman is more indisposed to meet a problem. There is a post by joannalannister that points out:

There is little criticism that GRRM lays down in the text about rape, unlike the anti-war sentiment. And people can argue for him that because rape is apart of war and he is writing anti-war novels then rape is wrapped up in that but GRRM doesn’t just write about rape in the context of war. Rape happens in the marriage bed, rape happens to children and women being sold into sex slavery, rape happens to women who are kidnapped for the spoils or men, or taken because of “Lord’s Right”. Rape happens with words, and looks, and touches. It happens to women of status or small folks. In ASOIAF, rape is something that just happens, period. End of discussion. And the thing that always bothered me the most about it was the way GRRM throws it into scenes and situations just to make whatever is happening that much more fucked up. As if rape is going to be that one thing that’ll make it more disgusting without really taking responsibility for what you’re putting the characters through or the reader.  Sure, GRRM probably thinks rape is a bad thing, but it really doesn’t shock me that GRRM’s response to the criticism of rape in GOT was “well, that’s how it happened in history”. Because from the way he writes the books, that seems to be the only depth.  

One thing I disagree with this take is that GRRM is anti-war, the implication that he's anti-war unconditionally. No, he isn't. HE thinks war is necessary in the most extreme of circumstances or it's inevitable when it comes for you, when the other side insists on your destruction. This includes the Others. Or, like with Nymeria who went to war several times to give her people safety, wo do what I described at safety.

Anyway, he also decides to disappear his female (esp Targ) characters through traumatic and violent disconnections from lovers/husbands.

With Aelora, it's very possible that she was sexually assaulted by the Hawk, the Pig, and the Rat. Before that, she went "mad with grief" over somehow causing her brother's death. Funny how she is another female Targ heir who loses herself and the chance to become queen almost simultaneously. Her becoming a prospective Queen in her own right and it coming from her killing her brother-husband's/the last heir --who happened to be male--looks to have motivated someone(s) to target her and begin a rebellion against the crown. Thematically, this mimics the Dance at a smaller scale, but those rebellious men who attacked Aelora used the Dance as a precedent against female rulers.

Hopefully and not likely, she was not sexually assaulted, but we might never know for sure.

Funny enough, women with "opportunities" to rule magically crumble or are attacked and can't build defenses quickly or sufficiently enough to counteract it. With Gael, we get a girl who seemed to never become her own person, was either assaulted/seduced by a man in court/council OR as the official story goes was abandoned by a lower-classed lover and lost her child.

I comment on GRRM's writing for Rhaenyra HERE where I explain GRRM's writing for Rhaenyra and express my distaste for his decision to make her so overly passive and disengaged before I considered that maybe it is more GYLDAYN's perspective of "female ruler=bad ruler" and F&B being unconscious-conscious propaganda for that idea. I don't put it so eloquently and succinctly as you, anon partly because I tried to address the misogyny the askers used to criticize Rhaenyra, thinking that she was responsible for proving to misogynists that she should rule.

[determinate-negation]

It wasn’t just one post before, I remember reading a couple other things after that one but it looks like they’re gone now. Can’t remember exactly what they said but again it really is just the sort of trustafrian-esque superior intellectual posturing pretentious inaccessible flex of it all. You may be from an oppressed group but no offense literally ALL of it is so SO deeply and incredibly white, privileged, and out of touch. That’s what I mean by a “somewhat” cold take. It’s not that you’re all wrong and never was, but I read the first post and others after it and it’s kind of like okay can we just collectively like get a grip plz?? Regarding the leftist spheres thing I mentioned and beyond. Those kind of sentiments are what reminded me of the post that I originally pasted into the msg. Bc like I said it wasn’t an exact match but just some of it and mainly the sentiment of it. The sentiment that you know better, when really it came across more as a retaliation over something you feel left out over amongst fellow queer folks. It was never just about pointing out history and it seems a bit delusional to claim that tbh!! You seem perfectly nice and smart but if I hear another white nyc upper middle class academia type queer claim to be a dialectician or some other shit I will start sawing my limbs off like fr. If you wanted to point out historical realities and show everyone how smart you are with how much you’ve read and everything you know then please for the love of god just do that what’s the point of the hoops you’re jumping through to get there. What I think is “corny” is publically attacking another random queer person’s mostly harmless post about what they feel in bdsm as a means to your end, whatever end you feel that is idk. It’s not about being overly positive and forcing it through that funnel. Bc obviously history is not always positive and sex is NOT always positive. But if someone oppressed feels positive about their kink/bdsm related stuff, even if you personally feel it’s misguided, sex can be a very emotionally wrought and difficult thing for everyone so it’s the fact that you felt necessary to criticize them for that. Idk like everyone has some level of illusion regardless of the denial of that or not so what’s the fucking point of it all? Truly idk yeah it’s just all so bizarre feeling to me! Like what do you do when you have to meet and interact with other real queer folks, poor people, the “uneducated” etc. outside of your lower east side insufferable bubble?? Do you explode? Do you school them into the revolution? Lmao you seem sweet and cool and all just a bit unreachable in a very played out and tired way so yeah idk I was trying to like word everything “respectfully” or professionally or whatever bc that’s what you do but it doesn’t really matter bc when it gets down to it that’s what it is it’s the pretension and everything else that comes with that but idk I’m sure you get that so please don’t think I’m just trying to hate on u!! I originally messaged to open the dialogue so I’m glad you responded and made the space for that. It’s just frustrating to witness as someone who is not even close to rich, highly educated, well traveled well read living in a fairly accessible city etc bc I was simply not given those same privileges or opportunities to be…

this is crazy you literally asked me for recommendations on stuff to read, if me listing stuff i recommend and explaining my train of thought is showing off how much i read and being pretentious idk what to even say. why are you telling me to get a grip

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

✨✨✨✨✨ANGEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ✨✨✨✨✨

Okay hiii ~~ I’m dumping all these thoughts on you so be prepared 🤭

So like I said in my last message, I’ve been a very dark place recently where everything seems like it’s constantly hitting, but after asking for your advice, I took it to heart and really followed if, finding it really did help taking it one tiny step at a time with the simplest things. Life is still throwing every little shit it can find at me, but I’m dealing with it much much better, and I feel like I owe you some thanks to that, so again, I don’t think I can ever tell you how much I appreciate you and enjoy your presence!! I never got to respond to it, but I read your post recently and felt like this was more important to respond first.

Two, I’m so saddened to hear you’re feeling a bit lost about the writing and fandom. I haven’t been on much trying to focus on my self so I don’t know much, but when I do check in every now and then, it does seem… quiet? I hope and think it’ll liven up the closer it comes to June. But regardless of that—

I ADORE YOUR WRITING. Your writing is some of the most thought-provoking, emotional pieces I’ve read, and it truly shows and reflects just how much heart and soul you put into it. I’ll be honest, there’s some times when I can’t read certain fics of yours because I’m not mentally in the right headspace for some, but— to me— it just reflects on how great and impactful your writing is!!! Idk if u remember, and this was when I newly started following you so I was like extra super nervous and shy lol, but the person that requested the jealous Ettore was me. I think I remember sending an anon back and thanking you bc I was impressed and thankful you accepted it, but also I was so shy my hands were shaking the entire time so it was a bit blurry lol. I remember literally fangirling and gushing to my two friends (one who doesn’t even care about Ewan lmao) about how I was so impressed and blown away by it!! Your Ettore series had me hooked (AND IM STILL NOT OVER HOW IT ENDED— I WILL NEVER RECOVER. I will sue you for my emotional damages 🥺)! The Aemond one where after a toxic relationship, the reader tries to escape and he doesn’t let her literally made me want to wallow in the despair. And the Michael Gavey one where I basically wrote an essay of how much I loved it is still one I think about way too much for it to be healthy— plus it’s given me some really crazy dreams 🤭 Those are just my top three! Much to say, I adore your writing. I adore the commitment and dedication you give and feed us. And most importantly, I adore you. Although selfishly I hope you continue, I hope you know no matter what you ever decide to do, I’ll always support and follow. I am a la loyal after all 🤭😂

In all seriousness, I hope life is treating you well, and i hope you’re being kind to yourself. I’m sending all my love and support!! Please stay safe and healthy. Much much much love to you, Ange 🩶🩶🩶

-Hannah Montana anon.

Post Scriptum:: this was insanely long and completely manic-produced, I am so so sorry !! ✨

I am so glad that my advice has helped a little and things are starting to improve for you. I hope they continue to get better!

I had no idea your were my jealous Ettore anon! I had so much fun writing that, thank you for sending it! And thank you for the kind words, they truly mean a lot. You have never been anything but kind and supportive to me, and I hope you realise how appreciated it is!

I've no plans to deactivate this blog. I enjoy reading other people's fics, and looking at all the pretty gifs. I just need to do something for myself that makes me feel better about my own creative output. I've no idea what that is yet, but I will figure it out!

Thank you for taking the time to check in. I hope the rest of your week is a good one. Sending so much love to you! xoxo

[teethcake]

Hi~ I just wanted to pop in and say that I think you're a-OK to post whatever you'd like! Even if it's different that how you used to, I'm sure you'll not only learn quick, but be welcomed back with wide arms! I think it's awesome you are researching to try and not offend others, but I don't think you need to be toooo hard on yourself - I believe most people will know you have no ill-intentions :) No need to respond to this, just wanted to reach out to you! Take your time with your return!

<:,,] I want to apologize for being soo absent/ here and there but I cannot express how appreciative I am of the support still. I want to make sure things are not only okay to post but make sure they're fun too! Tbh.. its just Jeff's burn scars. Not only do I want to make them appropriate but I want to learn as I continue to draw him and so on. I do however want and hope people correct me if I happen make a mistake. I dont want to back down from something I did and want to learn! Just like the LJ "creator" thing back when I first started posting Creepypasta again! It taught me and I appreciate it! I want to have fun and spread my interests with you all after all! I'm majorly derailing from the path. Anon, thank you sooo much for such kind words and reassuring me on everything I said in a post I made a while ago. I am glad you reached out, I been posting again (slowly) on here and twitter and its been... well.. I guess anxious? Im not gonna dive into it, i'm learning to post for fun again and its been going okay <:'] scary a little bit.. but fun! Thank you anon and thank you to tbh, everyone bc I still see some people say words of support T__T it means a lot. I feel like I dont deserve it tbh, let alone people still liking my things still. Ive grown a lot so its like T__T omg.. so thank you anon and I hope whoever sent this can read this too and know i'm grateful for the message <:']

[compassionatereminders]

i don't know what i should do but i distanced myself from some people (mentally too) bc I've been overwhelmed with trauma and getting tired of even speaking of it.. so I just say things are fine. I used to speak to one person whom we always shared thoughts with, understood me and what not, that was until their mental health got bad so I didn't really want to speak on my stuff to overwhelm ofc and offered support. we don't speak daily but we reply to each others messages whenever we can which became the norm.

the person did come across someone and got along with. they started dating within a few weeks and moved together. its been over a year they are and seems very happy. now, i already have some issues with people leaving or some kind of change occurring, which i noticed slowly, on top of that I can admit I feel toxic, in the sense of jealously. for context, ive never been in a relationship or anything. do I want to? Ofcourse. I think I deserve to be feeling loved. It never really bothered me until last year, its like my life was crumbling down and everyone was getting what they wanted, happiness, wishing I could as well.

ive never dealt with this emotion of jealously before, i just for some reason never cared and got on, but for some reason it hitting me more, maybe bc I'm slowly giving up on many things, even finding love.

this person has been someone who i would share my mind with (it was reciprocal) but ofc bc of things i couldn't anymore. I guess I couldn't share it with anyone so it felt bottled up, however I did share before of a friend who got in a relationship and doesn't even put effort in friendships.

anyways, once they got into one we still spoke. but I noticed a difference, they wasn't sharing much of themselves nor partner in the sense of i dont know much of a person he is, just a general overlook. idk I felt we used to speak on these things a lot when they was single so I felt weird how I dont know much of him as I thought. their replies began to get shorter, the time frame of replying back was a month later. we used to do that when times were hard for us, understanding and generally had long messages to send. but as I said, things were far short. So idk a month to send something little was a bit weird.

i also have this fear of friends sharing your personal information with their partners which make me super uncomfortable. I've had it happen before and its just a no. idk, I guess that stops me from sharing anything now bc maybe theyd do the same.

i guess I did notice a shift and whenever I do, I always distance myself. It is what it is. I feel incredibly alone and I feel like a negative person to be around with bc of these feelings I have inside. And I can see theyre happy and I dont want to make then feel uncomfortable with how I am feeling.

I sent a message at one point, addressing my mental health only. I wasn't fit to even speak, it was be unfair if I didn't respond at all so I said how things are quite rough so I won't speak for a while, it wasn't a goodbye but just I dont have the energy for things anymore. They respected how I felt and hoped things went well for me.

Its been 6 months and I haven't spoken to them. They posted on social media which I wished them happy birthdays and so, as they did for me. They say they pray for me things go good and I become happy. Which I appreciate. Normally I always wish them new years First, like every year but last year I did not. Partly bc I felt super depressed and also bc I dislike how I am always the one who says things first. After ages, they did wish me a happy new years message which was nice for once not being first too. However this year nothing so far, and I'm contemplating whether I should shoot a message right now.

It did make me feel a way when they kept mentioning, "so anything happening in ur love life?" Its like no, there never has. I guess I felt like things were being shoved in me so whenever I responded I would just be trutjful and say I dont see it happening and I'm okay with that. Which would say wait for ur time itll come. I understand when people say that but as a person who's been alone all my life that message doesn't help at all. It feels tiring to hear this constantly, I've waited for 25 years, I've waited enough, so please. I guess these little things made me feel bitter about them too, once I felt like it was shoved lowkey in my face I can't remember what exactly but like oh haha I dont have to worry about that now I have someone or something, which irked me. So yeah.

I have always appreciated having them in my life, our only form of contact is texting since we met online. We have been together some rough shit and have were there for each another too, also happy times too. But idk I guess I noticed a difference and it just made me step back.

I do feel sad bc I liked speaking with them, but I guess every since someone they came across they've just become private. And i guess I don't have much to speak about then. I'd rather not trauma dump bc I'm sick of my own shit too, but I just don't know what to do . I even thought maybe we should keep in contact here and there (not regularly as we used to) but I don't know what to do. I feel conflicted.

Okay I'm just gonna be completely honest with you, with the risk that it'll be a bit tough to hear. Because what I read is that YOU chose to distance yourself, YOU stopped sharing your life with this person, and then YOU said YOU didn't want to talk to them and didn't get back in touch. And now you're using the fact that the relationship didn't work out as proof that no one will ever actually care about you. And that's bullshit. And I get that there's trauma, and jealousy and insecurities and that you are not in this pattern on purpose, but what seems to be happening here is that YOU took a step back for whatever reasons, and then you used the fact that the relationship changed accordingly to you keeping your distance and asking for a break as proof that no one actually cares and no one ever will. And I have been there, and I have been in similar patterns. But it's bullshit. And it's toxic. Because this is not a story of a friend betraying you. This is a story of you sabotaging a friendship and then using the fact that it didn't last as proof of your insecurities. And that's something YOU need to work on if you want to feel better.