#not even mentioning how gay trans men are treated (as only transitioning to be a yaoi boy!!!) or any similar stuff

[pokemon-radical-red]

I got this comment on a post that I made about being a trans man and noticing how we’re perceived by others. This person is blocked now because I don’t want some transphobe on my blog, but I want to talk a little bit about this.

I like how this person’s trying to convince me that I’m wrong while saying that the only people who would be attracted to us are lesbians who are into butch women. But they can’t use those exact words or else we’ll all KNOW that they’re misgendering us. It’s interesting. Let’s play a game! TERF or transandrophobe. (I’m not scrolling through their blog long enough to find out.)

Okay. Let’s pretend that we live in their world, where trans men are not also a porn category (as someone pointed out in a response comment), and get to the deep cuts!

Now maybe this person defines oversexualization in a different way, and frequently commenting on our bodies—especially our chests—is totally cool and normal to them, because I literally have a post talking about the Tik Tok trend of “oh trans man wants me to respect his pronouns but he has HUGE BOOBS!!! haha this is so funny, guys!” You may notice that in this example here, she claims to feel bad, but then immediately turns around and makes a joke about it. Is describing transmascs essentially as our chests not sexualization? Not to mention dehumanizing considering they refer to this person as “a he/they,” instead of a transmasc or a nonbinary person or anything else.

But if that’s not enough sexualization for you, or you think that it isn’t valid to be upset over that, you can look under the cuts for the disgusting descriptions of our bodies from some transphobes. From some of those “ladies who just like butch,” since they’re innocent and aren’t oversexualizing us because “nobody oversexualizes ftm trans folks,” as the person in the screenshot said confidently.

I wanna say trigger warning for disgusting oversexualization of trans men (including trans men who are in their teens!) under the cut, but huh… the commenter said that nobody oversexualizes trans men, so this can’t be right. (On a serious note, please do heed the trigger warning before deciding to open the rest of the post.)

[trans-femme-fag-dyke]

T4T sEggs Cracking

Sex changes when you transition as a t-girl. New realities come into focus. New turn-ons emerge. A world of novel psychological and physiological experiences are added to the mix, or replace it entirely. Hormones and their impact terraform the ecology into a mycelial divine feminine, replete with new pleasure pathways. In short, it is wild and beautiful, feral and oozing with potential.

What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was how transfiguring the experience of T4T sex would be. Not by a mile.

Degrading Glorification

(What follows is a dual narrative, embellished and made whole by my lover’s own description of our tryst, which may I tell you is really fucking hot. Anyone who finds discovery and meaning in the process of writing has my attention and, most likely, my lust).

Just another day on Grindr receiving unsolicited dick pic after dick pic from people who ignore my profile’s clear insistence on T4T only.

While I don’t avail myself of these opportunities, there is something to be said for the euphoria that comes from being seen by cishets as a girl. Even seeing me as an attractive t-girl, if they’re purely fetishizing that tribal identifier, doesn’t hurt. Having spent too many years in the closet as a boy-modular gay, I am immune to the aggression of those advances and treat it more like a research project, tagging each new appendage into its relevant mental taxonomy: thick, thin, black, white, clean, cum-covered, veiny, etc. Back in the day, these advances were perfectly acceptable — direct, to the point, like the hawking of wares in a saturated meat market. I was less interested in what they were attached to as I was in their function. Emotion and personality were cast aside.

As a t-girl, though, there is a crossing of the privilege divide into an East Berlin of fear and insecurity. Too often, and too unpublicized, are the examples of anti-trans violence that it’s simply not the same fuck economy that it used to be. And anyway, my orientation has changed.

Orientation shift in transition is a topic that could command an entire thesis, so I won’t go into it here. Suffice it to say that almost overnight, as the estrogen moved through my body, I lost my interest in gay or straight men. Perhaps because being with a gay guy, although still on the table before secondary sex characteristics set in and I could stealthily navigate those penetrations, would send a dysphoric signal deep into my programming.

I find myself attracted to trans energy mostly.

Grindr is a numbers game in Los Angeles. There’s so much flakiness you become accustomed to being ignored or conversations end abruptly. Not to mention that hooking up here is so governed by travel times which fluctuate wildly throughout the days asymmetrical commuting times, that the whole affair can be a non-started at the outset.

But she responded. Glorious brunette, with long wavy hair, small pursed lips and an aloofness that immediately activated my pathological desire of the emotionally unavailable. What can I say, my mother fucked me up.

She — let’s call her Adeline — lived about 10 minutes away, so in an abundance of well-heeled politeness cut with impatient lust, I went to pick her up.

Cue the usual slightly coy banter as we both worked each other out during the ride. The dissipation of fear which comes with these Grindr “dates” for traps, which always carry a soupçon of terror to them and see us scrambling to etch a last will and testament into our iPhone notes app and share location with friends as it plays out.

I emerged from the bathroom topless.

Oh fuck, she thought, nipple piercings. The most physical symbol of deviance there is.

We started making out on the sofa and immediately some force took a hold of me. I felt like our bodies were fusing inside a blacksmith’s forge. We were glitching like a hacked mainframe, opening up its secrets to Snowden’s deft digital lock-picking. We were like people who hadn’t eaten in days set loose on a Vegas buffet.

I ran my hands over her back and through her hair, interlocking my teeth around her neck and ears. Almost epileptic in spasms of uncontrollable, uncensored I searched for my frontal cortex and managed to articulate that we should move to the bedroom.

My friend S had told me to expect fireworks in my first T4T experience. Their look of both shock and empathetic excitement registered on their FaceTime framed face.

They hinted at the dynamic’s incendiary force with an elliptical smile, leaving me hanging like a teaser trailer.

“I can’t explain it, but there’s just something to that energy, that vibe. I’m so excited for you. Like fucking excited!”

And Jesus fucking christ, they were right. I can see why they held off on the detail. Language fails.

We made our way to the bedroom where I revealed my kink drawer. There’s a cornucopia of debauchery in this unassuming pine wood piece of furniture: masks, paddles, leashes, collars, nipple clamps and floggers.

We negotiated our limits, settling on consensual non-consent. In short, anything goes.

We couldn’t have been more perfectly matched. When she initially shared photos with me on the app she gave a trigger warning around the bruises I’d see. It just so happened that impact play and relishing in the blues, browns, yellows and purples of corporeal graffiti aftermath was something we shared.

“I don’t care if you draw blood,” I assured her.

“Well ok then, you pathetic little slut,” she hissed, “lay the fuck down.”

I hadn’t fully anticipated how rapidly she would turn on the sadistic domme energy and I didn’t question it. I couldn’t.

Mmmmmmmmm, mama’s hungry, I thought as my crotch began to throb.

I don’t need to pull my punches, she thought, I can really indulge this deeper cruelty in me.

“Yes, mistress!” I responded, getting into role as the slut spit dump I’d soon become.

I lay down.

“Open wide, slut,” she ordered as she spat on my face, all the while positioning her mouth over mine and dribbling long translucent threads of drool onto my tongue and down my throat. She lunged for my neck with lupine grace and hunger, digging her teeth in and unleashing eddies of dopamine and oxytocin. I could feel the fledgling bruises on my neck and knew they’d be difficult to hide but at this point she could have pushed a blade into my lungs and I’d have kissed her while the blood bubbled out of my mouth.

These were feelings I had never felt before.

It was like all my shame, low self-esteem, trauma, alienation, anxiety and isolation channeled a lightning strike turning sand into clear shards of luminescent glass.

It felt both individual and collective, all ruptures and salvation of minority stressed gender fuckery, raining down and being soaked up. An effervescent tribal alchemy of ecstatic release.

The power of consensual degradation cannot be underestimated. I took years of being trodden down by things beyond my control. The abuse of my mother, the deprivation of affection, the laundering of all currencies of love through a front of cold calculation. All of this turned to steam through the act of my submitting to it with someone who also made me vibrate with light. All of those times when I had no fucking say in what happened to me, as humanity depriving as it was and violently unfair, I now took back. I resignified it, reclaimed it, decolonized and liberated it.

She attached the leash to my collar and yanked me onto the floor.

“If you’re a good girl, you’ll get a treat.” She said sternly, with the consummate control of a well-etched domme.

Up until now, she’d only really experimented with this role but now, she leapt up into the saddle ready for battle. From where I crouched, lapping up her girl dick with such an eagerness to please, it felt like she’d been doing this all her life.

In the dawn of her 20s, this girl came with a level of sexual confidence and experience that can only be found in trans circles. It’s like our bodies are always searching for each other with odyssean ardor. Simultaneous electrons suspended in tandem states.

I clambered back onto the bed like a dog and she straddled me, our girl dicks entwined in her hand with a vibrator in between. Edging, foreplay, the beautiful mirage of the female orgasm which rises and falls, ebbs and flows, coming into focus then going blurry as the mind and the body speaks in foreign tongues.

It was the kind of sex you never want to end. Constant punishment, submission, bratty deliberate misbehavior, retaliation, good behavior and treats.

“You told me you were going to cum you fucking whore. Well, are you?!” she cursed.

“Fuck my pussy, mistress. I need something in me so I can cum for you.”

One, two, then three fingers entered me as she celebrated my gaping hole.

“I love how loose you are.”

Ugh, I felt so seen. I’ve been trying to make my ass loose for years. It’s been one of my sexual north stars. I want to be able to get entire cities inside me. Until my neo-puzzy arrives, my ass has been my pussy substitute and I’ve wanted her to stretch until my bud becomes labia and turns from circle into that canal like corridor of floral ingress.

It didn’t take long, with my ass full of her hand, and I reached that liquidless trap climax and lay there panting, dripping in spit, sweat, and a sense of sexed gender euphoria I had waited 39 years to feel.

Who knew that in order to feel my most beautiful, it would take this level of degradation.

We languished, dripping in sweat and overtaken by an exhaustion which was held in abeyance by the relentless motor of sex.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to do that again,” I said, with the last remaining energy and breath left in me.

“We might not be able to. I’m probably moving to Berlin in a few weeks,” she responded with a signature level of matter-of-factness and regret.

Afterword

This is a post from Threads that resonated with me.

@aspirationaltea I think this post is me realizing T4T lesbian is the full explanation of my sexuality at least?

That’s how I walked away from the experience with Adeline. Literally and figuratively changed forever. In one fell swoop a single lover had the power to make me feel seen for the first time in my life.

Now of course any first time has the potential to carry the hyperbole of its impact. But the water that slacks the thirst of the desert stranded is the exact same water we all drink. The difference, however, is life saving.

I would usually chalk up an experience without more penetration as fun but not fulfilling. In this scene I had a few fingers inside me for a few minutes. And yet I lost all sense of time and place, sinking into the experience like feet in clittoral sand.

It was pure T4T lesbian sex, as much connection, edging and build as it was a wham bam teleology. The purpose was communion and connection.

T4T sex transfigures and transubstantiates the entire experience into a physical act. Inside every bite, kiss, spit, yank, finger and curse, was a microcosm of the entire experience of trans identity. Eucharist anointed trap fantasy.

Our shared struggles, estrogen shortages, dirty glances turned our way, rejections. Our alignments, the joyful tears t-girls shed over the smallest things as their emotional synapses reinitiate, our first sports bra. Everything is there, unspoken but enacted ritualistically like the world is burning all around us and we carry on regardless. Which is, alas, what it feels like a lot of the time.

At the core of the experience was the abiding sense of safety which comes from being intimate with someone who knows how important it is to cultivate that in as many spaces, few though they may be, as possible.

In addition, the dimension of kink/BDSM brings its own magnetic locus of individuation and resignification. We find submission, abjectification, degradation, and pain paired up with consent, control, compassion, negotiation, communication, and transcendence. We recontextualize experiences which in every other life domain are precursors or consequences of socially aberrant behavior or undesirable hierarchical role playing.

Whether the sub is in control or the dom is, just as with tops and bottoms, is a question for the ages. The person under the thumb, in so allowing it, arguably possesses some power over the person they artificially and consensually elevate to that position. When you have nothing to lose because you have relinquished it, you can only be net positive existentially.

The point is the horizontal socialism of the trans lesbian experience. No one person controls. All are equal and the roleplay is merely an enactment of the end of dominion by external forces.

For what baits the enemy like getting back on your feet or smiling in their face? As blood streams out of your nostrils and you turn to face your captor ready for another beating, you demonstrate an unwavering faith in the ultimate form of the Golden Rule: if your enemy strikes you, turn the other cheek and ask, “Have I been a good girl, Mistress?”

[neomale-tboy]

in my opinion, Fumble/Morven Loh fumbled their/her talk of trans men. to preface: i don't know anything about Fumble aside from it's in the uk.

the reason for the article, the title of the article, and a majority of the first paragraph begins by saying that as queer gender and sexuality takes more of a forefront in the social zeitgeist, trans men are scarcely talked about and she wants to talk about it.

my first problem comes from the last sentence of the first paragraph and the second paragraph. i've seen people talking about transandrophobia say that they're tired of having to disclaim that they don't hate or mean to detract from trans women's struggles. i especially don't like that this disclaimer comes from a cis woman trying to discuss trans men's erasure.

in that same paragraph, she links to another article she wrote. a fine article for what it is (a cis person talking about transphobia). but she cites it as a source in a paragraph about how trans women face worse transphobia as a result of hypervisibility...in an article about trans men's erasure. and the linked article highlights trans women's role within the terf movement and the bathroom debate, making it relevant to the paragraph about trans women in the trans men's article. the bathroom debate, i can get. all i've seen of that is people getting mad at trans women for wanting to use the correct bathroom. i just wish loh talked more about how terfs treat trans people as a whole in thr terf section instead of dedicating it to trans women. this is an article linked in a post about trans men's erasure.

loh then states that she's seen or heard of trans men's erasure in both the queer and mainstream society before saying trans men are men, giving a short paragraph about how the patriarchy makes being trans in general complicated.

she, a cis woman, the gives a paragraph about how fucking easy it is for trans men to pass. how it "just" takes a few years on testosterone and strangers percieve you as a cis man now. she says men are neutral/the default, so people won't question a trans man (who's been on t for a few year)'s gender. then the cis woman adds that trans women are in a constant battle to be seen as women regardless of transition stage...in an article about trans men's erasure.

loh then backtracks, "of course it isn't that easy"...for trans men pre- and 'during' transition, we get confused for butch lesbians and teenage boys. "this is both tedious and painful because many people don't even consider that trans men exist." once more, the cis woman diminishes trans men's issues. our passing is only barely a problem to her because it's just "tedious and painful". she doesn't consider that, similar to the violence she mentions that trans women experience in the article about trans men's erasure, trans men will also recieve repercussions for being trans. to her, it seems, trans men simply have to tell people we're men, and everything is rainbows and trans flags.

she starts off the next section, titled male privilege, by saying that trans men transitioning for the gain of male privilege is a "massive misconception". she asserts that trans men are men who simply happened to be born with female associated genitalia. best thing i think she says: "male privilege works against trans men, not for them...".

in the next paragraph she says "trans men are men" again while advocating that trans men can be of any orientation, not necessarily straight. this is fine, really. she says that we can have attraction to cis gay men, whereas i'd've preferred to hear it the other way around: that cis gay men can be attracted to us. cis validation gives more validity to trans gay men's position as gay men unfortunately. this is an article on trans men's erasure, one in which she acknowledged that that erasure extends to queer communities. but this complaint's a little nit-picky of me.

the article wraps up in a paragraph about general transgender discrimination, where she states that trans people face the highest suicide and homicide rates. considering this is an article about trans men's erasure where she say that trans women face the most discrimination and abuse, i think she really should've highlighted where trans men are the most targeted. because as i've seen in discussions of transandrophobia, there are plently of spots to highlight. she didn't need to give numbers, seen as she didn't for anyone else, but she should've conceptualized our discrimination as more than getting mistaken for a butch lesbian or a teenage boy.

finally, loh gives a list of tips on how to be a trans ally, the first of which being to educate one's self on trans issues, something i view as tone deaf due to my opinion stated in the paragraph above.

in an article precidated on the question "why people arent talking more about trans men?", loh fails to answer her own question. she says that trans men are men, and that cis people/society is accepting of this and our presentations. she never talks about how transphobia affects trans men. hell, she barely, if at all, talks about trans men's erasure! she just reports on what she, a cis woman, thinks trans men are.

i think it's irresponsible how cis people get to speak about trans people like this. how they read up a little on trans issues, and then decide they're qualified to write such an objectively shitty article where once more we are erased and put on the back burner. at the beginning of the article, loh says that times are "(hopefully)" changing. i just don't think she and a lot of other cis people are yet qualified to speak on this change as it affects trans people, especially when it comes to the erasure that they, as cis people, perpetuate.

idk how to tie this off neatly. hope you enjoyed my little analysis i spent over an hour on.

[blubushie]

in my experience, a majority of effeminate men with high pitched voices or stereotypically girly mannerisms are in fact straight, it's just that harmful stereotypes about queer men continue to persist. not to mention the masculinity that gay men (like bears for example) exhude is either overlooked because they are ''straight passing'' or it's demonized even in more progressive communities.

If you go back through my asks tag to about a week ago you'll find a post where I discussed what it was like for me, a very masculine intersex bisexual/gay man, and a very masculine FTM bear at a queer event we showed up to.

Cuz I'll tell you. Weren't fun. He almost left because of how shittily they treated him—especially the younger transmascs—for his masculinity and 100% passing for cis. Both of us was demonised but him, bearded and tall and fat and hairy and balding, got the worst of it by far.

The queer community resents masculinity, end of. Even if you're an FTM you're resented unless you're putting on the uwu softboy aesthetic. This is also why there's so much push to convince transmascs not to go on testosterone—"you'll get hairy" "you'll be ugly" "it'll make you mean". This community hates men and masculinity and DESPERATELY doesn't want trans men to actually transition or look like cis men.

Also babyqueers ignore the fact that like 90% of queer stereotypes are stereotypes put on us a century ago by non-queer people. They need to ask themselves if gay men are by default effeminate or if the only gay men heteronormative society could identify AND PUNISH for being gay were the effeminate types who made it very clear what they were. The cowboy or businessman in a suit or mechanic or what have you, the masculine men, passed for straight so nobody knew they were gay. How are you gonna stereotype something you don't even know exists?

So of course all gays must be effeminate, because those are the only gays the people making those stereotypes SAW AS GAY.

[she-is-ovarit]

Hey, I hope your day is going well. I just wanted to say that I really value your perspective on women-specific issues, especially as it relates to transgender people. I have begun doing my own digging/research into this growing trend and found it concerning and disturbing. I have spent the last chunk of time reading your long posts and opening up some JSTOR resources to read myself. I'd like to read more concrete, primary info about Hirschfeld and Gohr...whatever his last name was. Do you know where I could access that?

Also, if you have any other primary reading, I'd love to take a look at that.

Thank you!! ❤️ (I also sent this in a DM, but then noticed you may not see it)

Hi - my apologies for what was likely a long delay, I have been on hiatus from Tumblr.

To be honest, surfing through research databases is probably your best bet, using their names plus any keywords you're wondering about. There is also a book published that at the very least mentions a bit about Hirschfeld - I haven't read it. It's called "Racism and the making of gay rights".

Malcom Clark seems to have gone down a research path about Hirschfeld. Treat this more as an opinion piece and follow the links: https://malcolmrichardclark.substack.com/p/transing-theholocaust

Something in addition to these men that I have found - even Dr. Hamburger, the sexologist who transitioned the first U.S. man (Christine Jorgeson) and fanned the flames in popularizing transsexual surgeries after he published 400 letters to his medical community (likely without the consent of the patients) by homosexual people asking to transition (and do keep in mind the 1950s was a severely homophobic time period), was also very much a eugenicist. He was also another sexologist performing "sex changes" in Germany.

Chrstine Jorgeson was a homosexual man who disavowed homosexuality due to his patriotism.

"A dual concern to cure the deviant individual and to protect society was echoed in the paper (“Transvestism”) which Jorgensen’s Danish clinicians, Drs. Christian Hamburger, Georg Stürup and Dahl-Iversen, wrote for the Journal of the American Medical Association in 1953. Preben Hertoft and Thorkil Sorensen who have studied the medical files and interviewed psychiatrist Dr. Georg Stürup claim that “the original intention of the medical team was not to change a man into a woman, but to help a man who suffered from his homosexual impulses” (167). Hamburger and his colleagues revealed their anxiety about homosexuality when they commented: “At any rate, from a eugenic point of view it would do no harm if a number of sexually abnormal men were castrated and thus deprived of their sexual libido.”"

This source also explains how the culture changed for the patients seeking these transsexual surgeries, too. Originally the trans patients (overwhelmingly male) still considered themselves as gay men and wanted to be considered as gay men - just simulating the appearance of a woman. It was in the 1960s or so that conservative doctors began pushing that they were never the sex they were born as to begin with because they believed it was the only way that this subset of patients would be able to live "fulfilling heterosexual lives".

https://www.jstor.org/stable/43308827

[masterzmei]

⟨Jon Moxley. Trans male. he/him. 45.⟩ We just saw Zmei Lazarevich entering Haymann’s Distillery. I heard through the grapevine that they are a Sports Writer and Combat Sports Commentator and sometimes go by Koschei the Deathless. Although he is with the media, he can sometimes be envious, demanding, or even belligerent but I’ve also heard some people say that they were (begrudgingly) fatherly, objective and quite disciplined.— Moss. they/them. 23. EST. violence against children (<10)

AESTHETIC | MUSIC | ASK | LONDON FALLING

[sideblog of kingbriar]

STATS

Real name: Zmei Lazarevich [Dead name: Yekaterina]

Code name: Koschei

Alliance: None (could be bought)

Job: former Prizefighter (Heavyweight Boxing champ/No-Gi Grappling & BJJ NAGA champ/etc) and Olympic Boxing Coach, current Sports Writer and Combat Sports Commentator

Age: 45

Physical: 6', 225 lbs

Birthplace: Podolsk, Russia

DOB: December 10, 1978

Star sign: Saggitarius

Gender: Trans Male (he/him)

Sexuality: Demisexual, Biromantic

FC: Jon Moxley

BIOGRAPHY

Second child from a blue collar family on the fringes of Podolsk, both parents worked factory jobs (mother only part time to manage children). Occasionally watched by a neighbor, an unmarried doctor that worked nights and was the first to make some offhand mention of the “mental illness” that led to homosexuality or people believing themselves to be “the wrong gender” and how they were “treated”. He disappeared from his apartment without a trace when Zmei was 10. To this day Zmei thinks about whether that man was gay and trying to help a fellow queer, or was just trying to correct him early.

Factories had been shutting down or laying off mass amounts of workers already as the union fought about 8 wars with itself, but shut down quickly after Communism and the Soviet Union officially fell in 1991. The family was left scrambling. Zmei was 13.

Scrappy kid needs money? Prizefighting is easy to fall into with so many laid off, angry men looking for an excuse to beat someone up. Zmei starts spending more time focusing on strength and technique, and blue collar Russians are Riddled with machismo and unattainable ideas of masculinity. This does not help the transness, especially with having to “pose as a boy” for safety. 

Rising tension within his family and himself pushed Zmei to run away at 16 with some badly forged paperwork and a dream to one of the new democratic states. Moldova was still largely disorganized, and he was able to get some better, if still inconsistent refugee documentation, but it used the name Zmei and listed him as male. He bounced around continental europe a bit before landing in the UK at 18 (1996), where he is able to officially start to medically transition in ‘96-97 (T, Reassignment Surgery, etc) with NHS access

Instead of purely doing illegal prizefighting, Zmei discovers unsanctioned death matches on the Indie wrestling circuit (turns out, gender is stored in a Crimson Mask and a broom wrapped in barbed wire), and various coaches try to take this kid with a lot of Survival Skills in for actual training in a range of styles (Boxing, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu/Submission Grappling, etc) to build technique  so he isn’t so reliant on weapons and blood in matches 

After training for a while, he signs up for a beginner NAGA tournament and does much better than expected, which sparks a Deep competitiveness in him. Focusing in on one title, medal or belt at a time, he trains right with single mindedness and deadly focus that gives him a real sense of calm. Winning is  almost addictive, training almost to the breaking point then collecting a new trophy and starting over again, collecting local/national recognition in both boxing and grappling. A lot of his money still comes from being a punk indie wrestler who’s always willing to bleed or do a wild stipulation match for cash and collecting extra from all the people who bet against him.

In 2015, Zmei was competing in a Master Expert Super-Heavyweight No-Gi NAGA championship, and was put into a deadly knee lock for nearly two minutes. He refused to tap, and eventually was able to power out of it when his opponent tried to shift his grip and win the round by pinfall before collapsing. Forcing his way out of the lock had fractured his patella and pieces of his upper tibia, leading to irreparable damage to both ACL and MCL tendons. To this day, Zmei uses a cane when walking/standing for more than a couple minutes, but he DID. NOT. TAP.

Zmei’s more surprised than anything when he’s contacted by the Underdog’s parents about coaching their son for the upcoming Olympics, then realizes he’s accumulated more practice and skill along with titles and credits than he’d realized and after his injury has gained decent renown in British Combat Sports. Besides, it’s boxing, so as long as he can correct Kaan’s footwork, his coaching doesn’t require his knees to be in top shape.

The fallout of the Embezzlement Scheme hits him hard, especially when people start to investigate to see if he was involved at all, and it suddenly looks Very Suspicious that his immigration paperwork doesn't line up after he technically immigrated illegally to avoid persecution for being queer in post-soviet Russia. The fall from grace isn’t pretty, and he’s messily outed to the public.

He handles it as well as he can. Stays in sports, but tries to disappear a bit, facelessly scripting for the anchors who are actually seen on TV and writing weekly sports columns for the paper. But words are hard and he misses his people, misses the rush of a good match and the infectious primal energy of watching someone bleed. On his own time, he starts guest commentating on indie wrestling shows, which slowly leads back to his old home: illegal dark matches in a seedy basement or old warehouse. Seeing himself in a lot of the scrappy kids trying to make a name for themselves, he starts to coach again, then eventually gets tied up in booking; matching up pure boxing/BJJ/etc if fighters want, but reminding fighters that the audience wants/spends more money on bloodsport.

Despite the state of his knee, training with the wide variety fighters in the underground circuits keeps him sharp. If he wanted, he could absolutely kill a man seven different ways with his cane, standing on one leg. He hopes he won’t have to.

OTHER NOTES

Zmei - name comes from dragons in Russian folklore. Sometimes they are male or female, purely multi-headed serpents or humanoid, and generally very mutable. Trans dragon name. 

Mans whole torso is Covered in various scars, especially from barbed wire, glass, thumbtacks, the Forks™️ etc in death matches. He’s a lil too proud of how well his top surgery scars blend in with the rest, esp 20ish years later

Potential Connections: 

 Underdog - Mr. Miyagi type vibe? once and future coach? They find each other again in illegal fights a couple years later and reconnect?

Tower/Combat types - Fights are always open, grinder needs meat and he’s willing to help them beef up 

Gang Leaders - Zmei is many things, but Rich isn’t one. If needed, this old master could be hired by either gang, or even the govt strike team for the right financial compensation.

Doctors - Mans is chronically in pain from something, whether that’s his knee, a back that’s taken too many bumps, etc or just checking in on his dosage of T that he’s been on for about 20 years.

Casino folks/Gamblers - It's a low form of entertainment, but gladiatorial combat is lucrative. Is the Red Rose casino looking for a business deal? Are they trying to shut this gambling den down, or completely neutral to a Neutral party?

[piqued-curiosity]

F1NNST3R is a Twitch streamer who dared his subs to give him enough to money to do "girl month".

He boxed up his "boy" clothes, bought new "girl" clothes, and even went so far as to learn how to do his makeup and grow his hair out so he could look more feminine.

A lot of people misunderstand him as being trans, but he's just a guy having fun with gender. He's just a guy dressing up.

I'm curious what kind of homophobia you see in trans circles, because I don't really see any. And...sex isn't really a thing that exists, in the first place. Like, sure, there's sexual characteristics but it's been shown through various studies and anecdotes that a person will differ from other members of their "sex". For example, F1NNST3R passes really well as a woman (minus his voice), and it pisses off transphobes because they can't tell at a glance what he really is. He has a very feminine body, for what he is.

The same goes in reverse, too. Cis women (those assigned Female at birth and who continue to identify as female into adulthood) are more than capable of being big, burly, and "manly" with the right genetics. Not to mention intersex people...exist? In more ways than just genital oddities, and in ways that aren't readily apparent.

Sex means...nothing, really. There's no noticeable difference in physical or mental capacity based solely on sex, it's moreso related to social conditioning and upbringing (imagine the toy aisles at a supermarket - where do you find the dollhouses, where do you find the science kits?).

There's no reason to assume a "man" in women's sports would fare any better compared to "his" competitors - unless he has outside factors like better training equipment, better personal trainers, and better conditioning. All else being equal, "his" sex makes no true difference.

To say otherwise is to ignore true, proven science. I don't know why you insist on being like this. It's not sexist to call you a cis woman. It isn't tacking anything onto you, and it isn't defining anything about you except that you are the opposite to a trans woman - that is, you are the opposite of a woman who had to transition to be taken seriously as a woman. It's fine if you personally don't like the term, but you can say "Please don't call me that" without making false equivalence.

The patriarchy hurts everyone. Until men can be open about their feelings and stop feeling judged for having emotions besides lust and anger, until they can wear makeup and dresses and long hair without being ridiculed or made fun of, until they can freely choose how to express themselves, they will never not be as much a victim of the patriarchy as you are.

Equal, but different.

I’m curious why you think a man wearing makeup, having long hair, and wearing societally deemed “feminine” clothes is “playing with gender”, and not just a man wearing makeup, having long hair, and wearing certain clothes. As a gender abolitionist I seek to remove gendered standards from everything, not enforce them. I want to see a world where nobody blinks twice at a man doing these things, and where nobody sees it as “feminine” or related to gender in any way.

I’m also curious about how you see no homophobia in trans circles. It’s so abundant it’s ridiculous. For starters, the idea that heterosexuals can become gay. That’s appropriating homosexuality and forcing homosexuals to open our spaces and community to heterosexuals. A big one is “genital preference” discourse, which is progressive conversion therapy that shames homosexuality for being same sex attracted. I, and many other lesbians, have been told we’re transphobic for lacking attraction to the male sex and only being attracted to the female sex. How is that any different than a religious leader telling us we’re sinners for the same? There’s also the “cotton/boxer ceiling” thing, where heterosexual trans people whine about how gay men and lesbians don’t want to sleep with them, and treating our sexuality and sexual boundaries as a problem/barrier/“ceiling” that needs to be overcome. There’s also the fact that many gnc children are being told they’re trans…despite it being a known fact that gender non conformity can be a sign of homosexuality. Or, at least, that’s a stereotype that homophobic parents notice, and then transition their child as a form of conversion therapy. I’ve heard “transition acceptance” stories that are literally just parents saying they’d rather have a trans kid than a gay kid…I assume it’s because with a trans kid, they can pretend their kid is straight. I could honestly go on. Talk to any homosexual in the gender critical sphere, and you’ll find we all have a lot to say about homophobia in trans circles. For most of us, it’s why we left.

Just because somebody can pass as the opposite sex doesn’t mean that sex isn’t real. I can dress a parrot in a convincing rat costume and teach it to squeak and trick everyone into thinking it’s a rat…that doesn’t mean parrots and rats are fake. I can buy a fake bouquet of flowers and convincingly pass them off as real, that doesn’t mean flowers aren’t real.

Your definition of “cis women” is exactly why we don’t want to be called that. I do not “identify” as female. That implies I’m comfortable with the societal roles placed upon me for being female, especially because those who believe in gender associate womanhood with those roles. I am not comfortable with those roles, I did not identify into being female. I just am female. It’s the same thing for sexuality, I hate when people say “identifies as gay”. I don’t identify as gay, I am gay.

Intersex people have repeatedly asked to not be used as pawns in this argument. They have a medical condition (which is dependent on sex. Some conditions are only found in males, some only in females), they aren’t a magical third sex. Claiming they are is like saying “actually, some humans are born as conjoined twins, so we can’t actually say humans are a species with one head, and two arms and legs because some people are born with more”.

You underestimate how important sex is and how much the two differ. I agree that socialisation plays some part, in that a girl might be less likely than a boy to go become a scientist because she was told from a young age that it’s a “man’s job”. But males and females are indeed different, both have strengths and weaknesses that are sex based. I can’t list them all off the top of my head and as I’m currently sick I don’t feel like looking up sources and such, but off the top of my head an example is male and female gymnastics. There are tricks (is that the right word? I’m nowhere near being a gymnast) that men can do that women can’t, and some that women can do that men can’t. I remember seeing videos of men trying women’s gymnastics and vice versa, and despite clearly being skilled gymnasts they couldn’t even figure out how to do the tricks tailored to the other sex’s physical strengths. Because male and female bodies are different and are capable of doing different things.

Search up Lia Thomas. He was ranked very lowly in men’s swimming, somewhere in the triple digits. After joining the women’s team, he shot up to first. Why? It’s not because he magically became a better swimmer overnight. It was because he’s a man, and men are on average stronger and faster than women. If he was really on an equal playing field, he’d have ranked the same on the women’s as he did in the men’s.

That’s the thing about the term cis, though. As a woman, I do not want to be defined in relation to sexist men who think they can transition into being a woman. I do not want to be defined in a way that, to most who believe in gender, means I “identify” as a woman and the roles pushed onto women. Many women have voiced this and we continue to be ignored, because ultimately the trans community is insanely sexist and does not care about what we have to say about anything. They care more about men’s feelings and men’s opinions on womanhood.

I’m not even going to entertain that last bit about men being victims of the patriarchy just as much as women are because they can’t express their feelings or partake in traditional femininity. That’s absolutely delusional and ridiculous. I and every other women wish that was all we had to deal with, because it’s not even a fraction of the pain inflicted on women. To think it’s equal, is to show how ignorant you are on how women are treated in this world. Even if it was equal—which is most certainly is not—,it’s not my problem. Men created the problem, they can fix it if they’re so inclined.

[erigold13261]

How did Zimelu and Neon J realize they were trans? (I find it inspiring how those more “masculine” characters are Trans!)

Actually! All my 1010 are trans! I don't know if you knew that or JUST wanted Zimelu and Neon J, but I'm gonna talk about them all because I can! >:3c

Will put under a read more because it is pretty long. Also there is some transphobia mentioned, mainly vague with Neon but turns into a lot of internalized transphobia with Haym and Purl-hew.

Neon: I would say that Neon didn't realize he was trans until he was mid teens or early adulthood. He honestly thought he was a broken woman who liked both men and women. He did not know the term bisexual at the time (which he used for a while before identifying as pansexual), so he kinda said he as both gay and straight with his friends (he would never tell his parents he liked women when they saw him as a girl).

It wasn't until mid teens that he started experimenting with clothing and his appearance when out with friends that he started to realize he would rather be a guy. He always thought he was weird, but he thought it was just because of his sexuality and not his gender. Once he figured out he was trans (even if he didn't use that terminology at the time) his friends supported him and helped him look like a guy when they went out partying.

Unfortunately one of these partying led to a pretty bad accident that only Neon survived (one of the friends went into a coma but the other 2 died) and so, basically being an adult and having no other support system, Neon left home to go and find someone to help him transition to be a man and would soon join the navy and meet his future ex-wife.

He does not reveal he is trans for a very long time. His medical doctor in the navy was either a friend or a robot he got to swore not to tell anyone (which would later become Rin), so his trans identity was very well hidden except from his closest sailor buddies and at the time wife. Not even 1010 knew he was trans for a very long time after a few of them, or at least Zimelu, came out as trans (Rin has no knowledge of the war time and knowing Neon's transness).

Zimelu: It took a lot longer for Zimelu to figure out she was trans. As a doll/kid she never really questioned being a boy, and during the war she never even had a gender assigned to her. So once the MK1 model rolled around, all Zimelu ever knew and was treated as was being a boy.

Because of this she never questioned her gender identity. If anything, she questioned the "bad boy" role she was put into for 1010 because she never really liked breaking rules or being really mean, but she did it because she thought that is best for the group.

The only time she started questioning whether she was a boy or girl was after the Rock Revolution, and only when she started hanging out with Mayday. There were times before hand, with fashion shoots or helping Eve, that 1010 were put in experimental outfits, but never something very feminine so Zimelu never really got that moment of realization.

That is not until hanging out with Mayday and jokingly the two switched clothes for some reason, either a dare or just to do something stupid for fun. But it was wearing a very feminine outfit and seeing herself in the mirror with her hair down that made Zimelu stop laughing and joking around to just stare at herself in amazement. May and Haym were very worried at the sudden tone shift, but Zuke knew that look in Zimelu's eyes.

She ended up playing it off quickly and tried to go back to normal, but now there was a nagging thought in the back of her head that something was not right. Over time Zuke would try to casually bring the idea of being trans up, which made Zimelu uncomfortable because she thought if she was trans she would be decommissioned or rejected by her family, so she would always shut him down when in private or try to turn the conversation to something else when in public.

Purl notices how Zimelu is acting around Zuke and confronts him, Zimelu sees this, and the truth comes out between the three that Zimelu wants to be a girl and all her fears and insecurities come out with it. In the end, after some reassurance from Zuke and Purl, Zimelu comes out as trans to the family and is immediately accepted by Neon and the rest of the fam.

-And now for the other 1010 members. I'll try to be less detailed with the rest so not to make this super long, but we know I like to talk lol.

Rin: I would say Rin just never cared for its gender. Rin would just play the part of son/medical bot/leader/boy just because it was told that is what it is.

Honestly I think Rin has the most tame story of finding out its gender. It really was just some troll online trying to make Rin, or any 1010/robot, feel like shit by calling them an "it" which Rin just took and was like "Okay sure, I'll go by it" just to really stick it to an asshole online.

I kinda see this as like when people do something ironically and then it becomes a part of who they are. This is literally what happened with Rin lol. It really did just go by He/It for a while and after some time grew really attached to the It/Its label and made that its primary pronouns. Still sometimes going by he/him, but very much Rin's primary pronouns are It/Its.

Rin is probably still experimenting with labels. I had it as genderqueer, but it might also be agender. For the most part Rin is very casual about its gender and does not care all that much if people misgender it, but is also super happy when people use the correct pronoun for it.

Haym: Haym also had a really easy way of finding out his gender. Literally he transitioned without even knowing he was a guy. By that, I mean that when he was a doll/kid, he was a little girl, but then when made into an MK1 model, he was now seen and treated like a guy.

Like, as a little girl, Haym very much tried doing more stereotypical "boy" things like playing in the dirt or building stuff, instead of playing with dolls and putting on pretty dresses. "Tried" being a key word here. Martha, Neon J's ex-wife, really tried to enforce gendered roles onto young 1010, forcing Haym into more "girly" things (along with forcing Zimelu to do "boy" things even though Zimelu never truly tried to do too many "girly" things).

Haym was always upset and annoyed at this, but more so that he couldn't play the way he wanted to play and not as much as being denied his identity that he didn't even realize he had.

Once he became an MK1 though, and almost everybody was treating him like a guy, he was just super happy with who he was. He never even realized until Zimelu came out as trans, that he was technically trans himself. He still had in his code that he was a girl, but because he was treated like a guy and felt like a guy, he just ignored and forgot about that part of his code.

He embraced being trans, but also kinda realizes he does not have the same experience as his siblings who had to actually work to figure themselves out. He feels like he has some kind of privilege over them since he didn't have to suffer any real dysphoria or stigmatization over the years. It sometimes makes him feel guilty and not deserving of the trans label just because he was able to pass for so long as the gender he identified with.

I feel like he will never tell any of his family, friends, or lovers this though, and it will be a guilt he keeps to himself forever.

Eloni: Eloni is genderfluid. I actually do not have as much story for them as I do for everyone else. She would probably have been one of the later ones to come out as trans, probably second to last with Purl being the last to come out.

Because of this, I feel like Eloni was probably experimenting with labels in private with the fam. So one day Eloni would request to be called by just she/her pronouns, or would wear androgynous clothing. None of this would be done in public for fear and anxiety of having a label forced onto him by public perception.

In the end Eloni is just super confused on what they should have as a label because everything seems to fit well. Dress like a boy? Feels good! Dress like a girl? Awesome! Use neutral pronouns? Totally! Use either or both gendered pronouns? Yes please! Nothing seemed to bother Eloni to the point they wondered if they even were trans because to him, if everything felt the same does that mean I am all or nothing?

In the end though, I would say that either the Sayu Crew, or Purl and Rin showed Eloni the genderfluid label and that is the one Eloni chose to go by and later revealed to the public.

Purl-hew: Saved Purl for last because I feel they will be a lot lol.

Purl was like Rin for a while, just playing the role assigned to them. They were the good little girl for their parents. They were an emotionless machine built for war. A cool and mysterious boy for the public eye.

Purl followed all the rules, did everything that was asked of them, and yet they were never happy. No matter how they changed their personality, how they acted, how they presented, they were miserable and hated themself.

Purl spent years wonder what is wrong with them, why they couldn't just stop and be what they were made to be. But that was the problem. Purl was built to be a girl, then forced to be a boy. Living both sides of the coin like Haym, but instead of being happy with the change, it left them more and more empty.

They questioned if they were broken, or if life was always supposed to be so dull and full of self hatred. Even before the revolution Purl was wondering what was wrong with them, how could they feel like nothing all the time.

Purl honestly thought they were some kind of spoiled kid for not ever being happy. They knew what it was like to be a girl and a boy, knew what it was like to not have basic necessities and yet to have everything they ever wanted, knew what it was like to be in war and peace, knew what it meant to be extremely busy and extremely bored. And yet they have no idea what it meant to feel nothing about yourself.

Purl already had some problems expression emotions, so figuring out they were nonbinary was not going to happen for a very long time. And even when they did, they denied themself of that label.

Purl saw their whole family go from being cisgender and straight to very queer in the matter of a few months to maybe a year or two. Everything was changing and the public eye was on all of them. Once everyone came out except for Purl, there were jokes among fans that Purl was the only "normal one" or that it was a matter of time before Purl came out as some random identity.

They hated this. Purl absolutely hated having the public watching their every move, and because they were watched they thought they had to actually live up to that "normal" role. Purl was going to pretend to be fully cisgender and straight. They were going to ignore the fact they were created as a girl, or that they liked masculine presenting people, and pretend to be the cishet one of the group for the fans.

This really took a toll on Purl's mental health. They were so miserable that they would isolate themself for days when not doing work for 1010. Already they felt isolated from the family for not being able to express emotions, and now they believed had to hide their own identity so the public would not turn on 1010.

It felt like everything and everyone was against Purl. Even when one of their siblings would try to reach out, which was honestly not often since they thought this behaviour was normal for Purl, Purl would just push them away and act like everything was okay when it truly wasn't.

The only reason Purl ever came out as nonbinary was because of DK West and Ex-Jay. Spending time away from family, in situations that were not in the public eye, is what allowed Purl to express themself finally. It also helped that in Purl's mind, if West or any member of Ex-Jay tried to out them, they could lie and say that West/Ex-Jay are making it up, then Purl could cut them out of their life.

It was an easy out to Purl that finally let them have a safe space to embrace their queer aspects of themself. Even if Purl was ready at a drop of a hat to cut out that safe space if there was even a chance of being outed, it was something. Purl was not longer entirely alone in life, and soon would come out publicly as nonbinary and using only they/them pronouns.

Even as they came out, they would only dress in masculine or androgynous clothes. It wasn't until like a year or two later that they were able to reconnect with their feminine side, which was something they were trying to kill because of childhood trauma. But now Purl can confidently wear a dress or makeup or whatever while not feeling like they are a woman. Or a suit and not feel like a guy.

Honestly, I feel like if it was not for the Rock Revolution, none of 1010 would be happy. Maybe Haym would be the only one as he was lucky enough to get the gender he wanted when becoming MK-units, and MAYBE Rin would have figured out it was agender/genderqueer, but absolutely not would Eloni, Zimelu, or Purl been able to figure out who they were. Especially not Purl.

[kalina-c]

Fun fact, no one has ever said femboys are bad! At least as far as I've seen when looking closely at what has actually been said. Even in the middle of the most heated Bridget discourse, when I scrutinize the mentions in question like 70% of them are just mocking transphobia, not even mentioning femboys by name, and the rest of them are pushing back on "feminine amabs are not allowed to be trans and girl" more than they're pushing back against a gender identity that describes Ky Kiske in the same game and a lot of trans girls before their transition.

I've talked to multiple cis boy femboys, and without exception every single one of them has expressed that trans girls are the chill and most affirming, least pushy community of and towards femboys. There's simply no real movement in reality to demand that all femboys be trans girls or whatever.

(Like, being femboy for a little while as a treat is a trans girl mood ever, and the literal only way that femboy even works at all as a halfway station and vehicle for trans girls to figure out that they're girl is if there's no pressure to be a girl at all, you are totally a boy, you can totally (re)claim your masculinity at any time. Demanding that all femboys be trans would have the opposite effect of making for more trans girls, it would scare off specifically trans girls and no one else from being femboy because then they would think there's impossible standards of femboy they don't meet as an amab completely disassociated from boy/masculinity and in a deep depressive funk that they can't be girl/feminine.)

You know how Republicans are unleashing all manner of anti-trans rhetoric like how transness is "grooming"? All that rhetoric has been cited verbatim by "femboy defenders" (ie people who refuse to let trans girls be trans and a girl) and it's the exact same tone in which they knee-jerk accuse trans people of wanting to erase femboys. I put that "defenders" part in scare quotes because I have literally gotten the following reactions in my mentions for saying femboys are boys and good:

Ky Kiske is not feminine at all, he is the most masculine manly man in manly history.

Venti from Genshin Impact is not feminine at all, he is the most masculine manly man in manly history.

Ash Crimson is a minor side character and has never been a primary character (a lie, he was literally the main protagonist of KOF in his debut games), and besides which you can't mistake him for a cis woman so he doesn't count as feminine enough.

So yeah, like, I've seen a lot of false accusation that trans people hate femboys and want to force them to be girl; which accusations expressed in exactly the same mode as anti-trans Republican rhetoric (and often from the self-same individuals who believe that verbatim Republican rhetoric for real). But I've never actually seen any real people really deny femboys the right to be cis men for real. Like, how in the hell is it the cisn't side that is supposedly against a little gender fuckery, as a treat. (tw for book title: f slur, reclaimed) The gays literally wrote an entire book about how it's the Bridget denial attitude that won't let feminine men be men.

Look, I’m gonna play devils advocate

Bridget is Trans, that’s cool and canon, i like seeing characters like myself represented, and I love Bridget, and people who don’t accept that are stupid

But why does every argument devolve into “Femboys are bad?” I legit don’t understand the problem with femboys, can someone please explain???

[transfaguette]

Hello, I apologise if you've already received questions like this, but can you explain why you would say that transmisandry/androphobia is distinct from misogyny? I am a very masculine woman who often does things associated with transmasculinity — I exclusively wear men's clothing, I bind my chest (although I have been doing so less frequently since I have started becoming much more physically active), I often pack, I go by an unambiguously masculine name, which I have legally changed from my very feminine birth name, I have asked my friends to refer to me using he/him pronouns, I wince at almost all gendered language in reference to me. I am also dysphoric. But I still identify myself as a woman and with other women, which results in an enormous volume of what I would describe as misogynistic and lesbophobic abuse directed towards me (I'm bisexual, but as I mostly date women and am involved in lesbian community people often treat me like I'm functionally lesbian). However, I've come to notice that the hate targeting me lines up almost completely with what people describe as transmisandry.

For instance, people often act as though I am inherently dangerous due to my masculinity, and expect me to be (sometimes violently) misogynistic, although I'm female and openly feminist. Very often people say I'm objectifying or debasing other women when I mention my attraction to them, as if my attraction to someone automatically degrades her due to association with me. Something I've found stranger is that when I talk about my attraction to men, people become even more hostile. Reactions range from people saying that no man in his right mind could be attracted to an ugly dyke/gross tranny/confused girl like me, which confuses me to no end, especially as other women have been forced to perform heterosexual attraction for social credit/capital. Stranger still, a subset of gay men, mainly cissexual but some transsexuals as well, will become infuriated if I mention desire towards men, accusing me of "poorly aping" gay male desire and saying that I'm just trying to play out a fetishistic fantasy. Which confuses and angers me in equal parts.

All this to say, what do you mean by transmisandry? I feel I've experienced the hate you name transmisandry due to being a masculine woman. I haven't medically transitioned, but I have a lesbian friend who would identify as female-to-male and a dyke woman only, not any other form of woman, though not as a trans man, or transmasculine. This friend uses she and he pronouns, takes testosterone, and has had a double mastectomy/top surgery. She has faced an immense amount of medical abuse, compounded by her disability and her chronic illness. She has also described the medical field's ill treatment of her as misogyny, but what she has told me of her experience I have heard many transmascs describe as transandrophobia. I also know another woman who transitioned and then detransitioned. She has had her legal name changed to a very masculine one (she now goes by a middle ground between her old, feminine, and newer, masculine names.) She has been on testosterone for years, has had a hysterectomy, and BSO. The sex marker on her legal identification also now reads male. She has said that she feels that she faces more difficulty due to being a trans man now that she no longer sees herself as one, more than she faced whilst actively identifying as transmasculine. I can assume the experiences of many others are very different, but this cusp of transmasculine/butch woman experience has been very instrumental to my life, and also very common and well-understood in the lesbian circles that I run in.

Would you please explain your view? Of course you shouldn't feel obliged to answer any anonymous message, particularly one as long as this. But if you'd like to share, I'd be very interested in your answer. ☺️

When I talk about transandrophobia, I talk about it from the perspective of a trans man, how it impacts trans men, etc., because that's my experience and what impacts me the most. But the term is not exclusive to trans men or necessarily even people who identify as transmasculine. It is not separate from misogyny, it's a complimentary concept. You could simply describe you and your friends experiences as misogyny if you wanted to, but you could absolutely also use transandrophobia, too, if you wanted to be more specific. The point is not and has never been that it is exclusive to one group or another- bigots do not care what labels we attach to ourselves. The point of transandrophobia, to me at least, is to discuss the oppression of people whose masculinity diverges from that of acceptable masculinity as dictated by our society. Which yes, is largely an experience shared by trans men and transmasculine people, but also absolutely encompasses butches and other people on the cusp. It's actually an experience I relate to a lot.

I hope that clears it up. Apologies if I missed anything or misread- I don't do well with large walls of texts.

[walrus150915]

Nimona has affected me on levels I didn't expect. Honestly, when I first saw the ad, I thought it would be a fun little gay movie. And oh well...

First of all, representation is wonderful. Like, should I even say that? Let's start with Nimona herself - I never liked the non-human queer allegory because of quite weird implications but it works just so well with Nimona! She's charming and she's not ashamed of her powers, she just wants understanding. There was nothing wrong with her to begin with, only people's treatment of her has been wrong.

Ballister and Ambrosius. What a treat for me as an Asian bisexual guy! Not only are they cute when they don't traumatize each other, but they are just so... So normal? In a way that they are treated as normal people by the narrative which is very rare within gay media. They don't have problems in their relationship because they are both men; no, their problems are much deeper than that. And that is beautiful. Props to ND Stevenson for not going with the Bury Your Gays trope in the first place haha!

Then we got themes and GOD did it HURTTT. I can see how this could hit much harder for queer people with religious trauma (with Gloreth being a Christ figure, with the realm being a Christian-supremacist state) but I gladly didn't experience it. Nimona as a character is for everybody who's been ostracized for their differences, but especially for queer trans kids. Something which feels so good about Nimona being proud of her abilities and being hurt due to outside rejection, not her inner identity doubt. She's Nimona and she knows it. Should I even mention how metal it is of Nimona to acknowledge the beef within LGBTQ community, specifically between cis queers and trans folks? To acknowledge how people in power weaponize minorities against each other only to get rid of those they were using once they reach their goal? (*looks at TERFs and LGB without the T bullshit this world has going on*)

Finally, I adore how Nimona embraces minority rage. The way Nimona made me realize that yes, there is no point in being a "comfortable" minority, because privileged groups won't like you no matter how hard you try. You can't be a good gay, a good trans for these people. To them you are bad because you are gay and because you are trans. End of the story. So what's the point of trying to fit in, to put up with their bullshit? I used to think like Ballister did, but Nimona said her words and made me think. So I'm. More punk-ish now thanks to Nimona, in a sense. This reveal was straight up life-changing.

Nimona hit me so hard especially because I'm a transgender bi boy in Russia. Nimona came out a few days after the law which forbid medical transition was surpassed and the new "anti-LGBT" law was made. Now it's legal to kill us. Now it's legal to put a person in jail for the fact of their existence. I was... Not in a good mental state, as I had hopes for transition once I was independent, but now it's possible only if I move to another country. Or if we take down the government idk. But yeah, Nimona uplifted me. She was my source of comfort. I've never felt such emotional closeness to a movie.

For a movie made for all the monster girls out there, it did a great job at making one monster boy feel better. Just. I want to say thanks to everybody who made Nimona. Thanks to ND Stevenson. This is such a raw, beautiful queer story. Words cannot describe the impact it had on me and the way I perceive the world.

Simply a metal movie.

I am currently writing a paper about the way that the Nimona Movie affected queer people. I was hoping that you could comment or reblog with your experience watching Nimona. Thanks so much!

[caffeineandsociety]

If there is such a thing as a universal AFAB experience, it is being told constantly - even in queer spaces - that it's not your turn to have your issues heard. It is being told constantly that your problems aren't serious, or aren't real, or aren't what you say they are. It's being told over and over and over again that you're overreacting, and that other people have bigger problems so you need to sit down and wait. It is having violence against you downplayed with "but did you die?" in some hat or another.

Scared at the loss of abortion rights? Well, just stop having so much sex then, slut! It's not a REAL problem! Frustrated that you're being obsessively micromanaged by dress codes while your male classmates or coworkers aren't? Ugh, first world problems, don't you know that there are countries where women are still treated like property? You ARE being treated like property? Well why don't you just leave him or call the cops, you hysterical clown? You clearly just want something to complain about! Assaulted because some guy wouldn't take "I'm a lesbian" for an answer? Well you must have been very rude!

No problem you ever face is REAL and SERIOUS to anyone but you. To the rest of the world you're just a child LARPing at having problems for attention, trying to take away from people with REAL struggles. Even if one of these problems is acknowledged as systemic, "well, did it happen to YOU personally? It did? Well you clearly didn't get the worst of it, you're alive, stop complaining!"

And if you transition? Suddenly it starts coming from "feminists" too. If you're a trans man? Well, if you go stealth you might get paid almost as much as a cis man, so corrective rape and medical gatekeeping are part of a privilege, they're not real violence. If you're nonbinary? Cool cool we'll play along with your little game acknowledge you but we need to know your REAL gender what you were assigned at birth so we can tell whether you're a scary predatory man or an annoying frivolous baby girl looking for attention by stealing a narrative from real oppressed people properly assess your privileges!

There's a subset of "trans-inclusive" "feminists" absolutely frothing at the mouth for someone to treat the same way cis men treat them - but if you call them out on it, they turn on the fucking crocodile tears and start crying about how DARE you accuse them of being sexists they're FEMINISTS and you're not a WOMAN so YOU'RE just a misogynist and they will PROVE they're better and more progressive people than you by violently ripping away every piece of support you have.

They're so thorough, in fact, that simply by mentioning how they treat trans men, some of you are probably assuming I mean to imply that they treat trans women any better. I do not. I am well aware that these are the very same people who uplift trans women as flawless powerful queens and goddesses until they set one toe out of line and suddenly they're predators - no, no, it's not because they're trans women, it's because they openly indulge in a children's cartoon on the same blogs where they make sex jokes, so OBVIOUSLY they're PEDOPHILES.

But I'm tired of only being able to discuss my problems under that framework. I'm tired of not being allowed to discuss my problems in isolation. Other marginalized people are allowed to, but me? Hell, AFAB queer people in general? Lesbian issues, if not framed in terms of how the same issues affect gay men, get treated as divisive and seen as a likely sign of radfem nonsense - not because they inherently are, but because those vile communities are damned near the only ones that allow it. Discussing transmasc issues, and not framing them as lesser collateral damage to transmisogyny, is seen as denying that transmisogyny exists.

I'm tired of discussions of my own struggles having to come with disclaimers that I Know My Place, because you all still think of me as a caricature of a woman - a screeching harpy whining about non-issues, a permanent baby with a massive victim complex, too weak to protect myself from mild discomfort so I must spin it as the end of the world for attention - and blend that with the Born This Way narrative and blame it on me being an entitled man.

Unity should not mean "you must frame your issues in terms of how they affect us, while we barely pay you lip service in discussing ours."

So, when will it be our turn?

When will you admit that you're just as prone to bioessentialist misogyny as anyone else?

[entity9silvergen]

I recently asked reddit for some LGBT history from countries other than the US. Here’s what I got:

Germany

The Weimar Republic was surprisingly accepting of "alternative lifestyles."

During the Weimar Republic, Germany had a pretty active LGBTQ scene, with some major films and songs being produced, despite it still being illegal at the time. However, there was also a push to decriminalize homosexual behavior which sadly wasn't passed as the Nazis came to power.

This was based of two factors: after WW1 the authoritarian culture of Prussia sorta received a long overdue pushback. People were kinda sick of it, especially since these losers led them into a seemingly pointless war to begin with. Second: A LOT of men died in WW1 - and the army did not exactly prefer LGBT people. So with a lot of regular folks dead, the percentages of the total populace was sorta shifted. This also pushed the women's rights movements at the time for a similar reason.

Magnus Hirschfeld was helping trans people transition, crossdressers get crossdressing 'licenses', and generally advocating for and helping the LGBT community in the early 1900s in Germany. Nazis ended up raiding and burning down his research institute.

Hirschfeld was a gay polyamorous man. He was one of the first advocates for trans and gay rights but his work was destroyed by the Nazis.

The institute he headed even did the first modern gender affirming surgeries. The institute was destroyed and many people who were there (including the first known person to undergo complete MtF surgery) were killed by the nazis and the place was little more than bombed out ruins at the end of the war.

More information on the institute

Pre Nazi interwar Germany (Weimar Republic)  was pretty open when it came to not only sexuality, but also gender identity. The Nazis put a stop to that & tried to destroy any & all research into either, but, for a brief moment, it was there.

Russia

Pretty sure all Russian LGBT history was erased before we even had a written language, but Russia almost got gay marriage legalized in the first soviet constitution (didn’t happen bc Stalin)

The early soviet period (pre-Stalin) is sometimes called “the first sexual revolution” as opposed to America’s “sexual Revolution” of the 60’s. Broad women’s suffrage, female employment and education, parental leave, advancement of GSM rights & decriminalization of abortion. This unfortunately did not stand the test of time & reactionary sentiment.

Additional Source

UK/ Britain/ England 

The lead singer of Judas Priest is gay. The commenter’s father thought it was kinda funny because it didn’t match with his biker aesthetic, but the commenter doesn’t think he considered how much leather he wears on a daily basis

Hell bent for Leather was a track off Killing Machine. It was written by lead guitarist Glenn Tipton (who is straight), but it's fun to find alternative meanings in Priest songs. A second commenter likes to pretend a lot of the lyrics Halford sings are gayer than they actually are.

A couple people mentioned how uncomfortable it was seeing Ru Paul interact with British drag queens because he barely knows anything about British culture.

Ru Paul got angry that a British drag queen hasn’t seen the Golden Girls because “it’s gay culture” and then not five minutes later someone had to explain to him who Alan Turing was.

Alan Turing, who was an incredibly noteworthy figure (He made the Enigma codebreaker machine, which broke the code that was used by Nazis during the war and basically sped up the war by a significant margin. He also set the foundations for artificial intelligence, one achievement he was named for: the Turing Test), was homosexual and prosecuted multiple times because of it

Shakespeare was probably bisexual (some of his sonnets had homoerotic subtext/were sent to a younger man). Plus, Hamlet is gay as fuck. 

Sonnet 46 was very gay. Here’s a link!

King James 1st was corrupt and used his position to promote his gay lover to higher positions than he should've gotten. 

The 13 year old king James 6th of Scotland and 1st of England fell in love with a 37 year old catholic Franco Scottish man. The king gave the older man so much free shit that other lords started getting salty and his lover ended up converting to Presbyterianism out of loyalty to his young lover. He also fell in love with a man who ''was noted for his handsome appearance as well as his limited intelligence.'' 

Clearly James was into himbos, and women too.

He had a secret tunnel connecting his bedroom to George Villiers’s bedroom.

His relationship with Villiers was basically common knowledge and a source of much amusement and mockery. He also once said that his relationship with Villiers was equivalent to the relationship that Christ had with John the Baptist

Much more recently, there's obviously JKR and the banning of puberty blockers and Margaret Thatcher opposing LGBTQ+ rights by passing a law meaning you couldn't 'promote homosexuality'. 

Prince Philip was a racist twat (and probably a huge homophobe knowing him).

Gay marriage only became legal in 2014.

The Wolfenden Report was published in 1957, and it recommended the decriminalization of homosexual acts between consenting adults. It was a huge topic of public debate, and ultimately led to the Sexual Offences act of 1967, which legalized sexual acts between consenting men aged 21 or over in England and Wales (sexual acts between women were never explicitly criminalized). Scotland decriminalized sex between men in 1980, and Northern Ireland in 1982. 

For a totally batshit real-life bit of gay history, check out the show A Very English Scandal. It's about a politician, Jeremy Thorpe, who put a hit out on his former lover who was threatening to go public with the fact they had had a relationship. 

Austria

Gay marriage was legalized in Austria about 3 years ago. The worst thing is that it'd have staid illegal if the Supreme Court wouldn't have jumped in and declare it to be unconstitutional.

Austria did have something called "partnership" which was where gay couples could officially register with the state as couples but not receive any of the benefits of married het people

They still have super backwards Transphobic laws requiring for example "real life experience" to get even diagnosed. Basically you're forced to be and live as feminine/masc as possible and a doctor them judges if you're femme or masc enough. It's torture

Australia had widespread, over 60% approval of gay marriage for well over a decade before the government legalized it. The governments were actually going against the people for a very long time by denying it.

Taiwan/ Hong Kong/ Mainland China

When Taiwan recently legalized gay marriage, their official statement was something along the lines that they were casting off Western-imposed values and returning to their own traditional values and the entire western lgbt community ridiculed them in a "if that's what you need to tell yourself" sort of way but it's actually the truth. 

Prior to western colonization, the Imperial Chinese attitude toward sexuality was not dissimilar to Greco-Roman attitudes in that a man must marry a woman to beget legitimate heirs but whatever else he does on the side is his own business. It wasn't until Victorian colonizers came along and imposed homophobic attitudes on China that China started treating gays like abominations. In Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Mainland China, as indeed most of the world, homophobia is a western value imposed by colonizers.

Bonus history: there is an actual saying in Arabic that was in widespread use across the Middle East and North Africa for thousands of years from classical antiquity until European colonization. The saying goes "Women are for babies, [young men] are for fun."

The commenter specifies that this means “college-aged twinks,” not children

Another commenter speculates about when homophobia arose in China and how. They also add that in Rome, bottoms were stigmatized. 

There’s a story of Emperor Ai of the Han dynasty & him cutting off his sleeve for his boyfriend

There is also a god worshipped in Taiwan, the Rabbit God Tu'er Shen, whose domain is managing love and sex between same-sex attracted people. He is meant to be the incarnation of a soldier from the 17th century, who fell in love with an imperial inspector and spied on him bathing, and was tortured and killed by that official because he was offended by the spying. A villager from the soldier's hometown dreamed that Tu'er Shen appeared to him and said that because his crime had been love, he had been appointed to manage the affairs of gay people. The villagers erected a secret temple to the soldier, and people have been praying to him ever since.

South Africa

South Africa became the first nation in the world to explicitly prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation in its constitution. It was also first country in Africa to legalize same sex marriage in 2006. What really set them back for so long was apartheid.

There is some speculation that that Shaka Zulu was gay since he never took any wives

South Africa's post Apartheid constitution was the first in the world to outlaw discrimination based on sexual orientation in 1996.

South Africa was also the 5th country in the world and only country in Africa to legalize same sex marriage in 2005.

Even before that the Constitutional Court ruled that sexual orientation was not relevant when deciding child custody in 2002.

Transgender folks have been allowed to change their sex in the population registry since 2003.

Conversion therapy is not illegal yet and public opinion still needs some work.

Spain

In Spain gay marriage was legalized in 2005, now they are considered one of de gay-friendliest countries in the world. The commenter is a lesbian and has never been closeted or directly experienced discrimination for being a lesbian.

In July 2005, Spain became the third country in the world to explicitly legalize gay marriage, after a thirty-year struggle following the fall of Franco's dictatorship, during which most activism was carried clandestinely (as it was illegal).

From 2007 onwards, Spanish [binary] trans people can legally correct the name and sex fields of their IDs and currently, there's a push for a law that would allow for legal recognition of non-binary Spaniards.

Despite the dictatorship in the 60s, there were cinemas that specialized in gay meet ups. Trans women also had ways to get passports so they could go to the US for surgery.

Ireland

In Northern Ireland, same sex marriage only became legal in 2020 and the leader of the most popular party is homophobic transphobic racist and sexist af. In fact, the majority of the party are but some of the quotes from the biggest party leader are depressing.

Same-sex marriage was only legalized in Ireland in 2015. Homosexuality was decriminalized in 1993. 

When Ireland legalized same sex marriage by popular vote in 2015, it was still something you got horribly bullied for in schools if you were out. Queer people got an apology from the Taoiseach in 2018, for the suffering and discrimination we faced from the State prior to the legalization of homosexuality.

In the case of trans rights, in 2015 the Gender Recognition Act was signed into law. It allows legal gender changes without the requirement of medical intervention or assessment by the state as long as you are over the age of 18. 

Ireland has fines and jail time for anyone found guilty of attempting conversation therapy. 

Ireland has seen a lot of progress in LGBT rights in the last 6 years but even up to the 2000s, citizens left their family members and friends to rot for being LGBT+. It still happens all over the country, especially in circles that are still fanatically Catholic. As the Catholic Church has lost the iron grip on the country, people have become more accepting of the LGBT+.

India

The Kamasutra(ancient text on sexuality etc.) has an entire chapter dedicated to homosexuality

The Arthashastra, a 2nd century BCE Indian treatise on statecraft, mentions a wide variety of sexual practices which, whether performed with a man or a woman, were sought to be punished with the lowest grade of fine. While homosexual intercourse was not sanctioned, it was treated as a very minor offence, and several kinds of heterosexual intercourse were punished more severely.

Sex between non-virgin women incurred a small fine, while homosexual intercourse between men could be made up for merely with a bath with one's clothes on, and a penance of "eating the five products of the cow and keeping a one-night fast"

Milk, curd (cheese), ghi (clarified butter), urine, and dung are the five products of a cow

The commenter adds that this is not a terrible punishment.

The Mughal Empire mandated a common set of punishments for homosexuality, which could include 50 lashes for a slave, 100 for a free infidel, or death by stoning for a Muslim

On 6 September 2018 the Supreme Court of India invalidated part of Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code making homosexuality legal in India

Prior to the British colonization of India homosexuality was not all that looked down upon when compared to what happened when the British took over and instituted anti gay laws.

The Hijra (literally means third gender) were seen as normal and have been accepted since long before Christ, as evidenced by the Karma Sutra. The British took videos of them to take back to demonstrate how the Desi were “barbaric”.

Bonsia

In Bosnia, there was a one pride parade that ended with religious extremists ruining it and the police not doing anything. It was supposed to be 5 maybe 3 days long but ended in like 1 or 2.

The Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe mapped out the entire night sky with only his eyes. It laid the foundations of many later scientists, such as Isaac Newton. He was a very rich nobleman, so much so that he owned 1% of Denmark's money. He had a pet dwarf that apparently could see the future, which sounds pretty gay. He was also part of the Elefant Ordning, which consisted of rich and strong Danish men.

Philippines 

Despite many attempts to legalize same-sex marriage, the Philippines still didn't budge. Being gay in itself is legal, but same-sex marriage still isn't.

Philippines ,the most Catholic Country in Southeast Asia, has held the largest Pride Parade in Southeast Asia.

Serbia

Serbia didn't have history from about 16th century to 1800's when the 1st revolt happened and failed till 1813's... Then yet another in 1830's for semi independence from Turks, and full in 1836

During the last lingering Ottoman rule over autonomous Serbia, Serbia was one of the very first few countries to have legal mostly everything... it then got removed with like 3 constitution changes and then it didn't move forward for a looong time

Switzerland

Would you have thought that small, conservative Switzerland was a center of the international gay community during the mid-20th century? The magazine "Der Kreis"- the circle - was the only queer magazine in the world that kept publishing during WWII. It was edited in Zurich and distributed internationally, which often meant illegal smuggling, even into nazi Germany. The magazine's annual ball was attended by hundreds of gay men from all over Europe each year. The whole thing was kept strictly secret from the public, though it was known and tolerated by the police.

The Kreis club disbanded in 1967, as repressions grew heavier after a number of murders in the scene had caught the public's attention. By then, other European and American groups took its place, publishing their own magazines.

They made a movie about it.

More info about Der Kreis

As of today, Switzerland doesn't allow gay marriage. A country-wide referendum will be held this fall on gay marriage.

The commenter speculates that gay marriage will be legalized.

A few people expressed surprise that Switerland is socially conservative and several people explained that women’s right to vote was only place in the 70s.

There’s a movie about it

Turkey

A Muslim Persian (born in modern day Turkey) philosopher/mysticist named Mewlana who is known for his sayings on acceptance and love for one another was gay! He had exchanged letters with his instructor Shams and wrote homoerotic poems to him! In Turkey this is ignored by many due to the country's stance on homosexuality

More information

Norway

The commenter’s hometown and the neighboring town arranged their first pride parade/event in 2017, which is a big deal for a small place and one of the local priests went livid and went straight to the newspaper and social media to condemn it. A local rapper wrote a short and to the point article in the newspaper calling him out for all kinds of things which was a great read. Then to top it off, the priest arranged for a "Jesus Parade" in protest to be held the day before the pride parade. Only like five people walked in it, not including the priest of course because he happened to be on vacation in Spain that week. The pride parade itself was a success though! It's become an annual event. Covid has put some breaks on it though, but they're making a documentary this year about the pride celebrations.

Hungary

Hungary has no same sex marriage or transition rights

Police are unkind to protestors

During “commie times,” being queer was illegal so queer people went to the gulag

Belgium

Same sex marriage was legalized in Belgium in 2003 (right after the NL who were the first in the world). The commenter says that same-sex marriage has always felt possible and she is confused about other countries’ actions.

Poland

Polish president on public assembly: 'LGBT is not people, this is ideology'.

Denmark

WHO took their sweet time declassifying being transgender as a mental illness, so Denmark got sick of waiting and became the first country to stop classifying it as an illness.

Australia

In Australia same-sex marriage wasn't legal until 2017.

Portugal

Portugal is know for having one of the most (if not THE most) peaceful revolutions in history back in the 60's, with only 4 deaths total.

Canada

Operation Soap.

Mexico

To learn more, watch Dance of the 41 on Netflix.

Netherlands

NL was one of the first countries to legalize gay marriage in 2001

Sweden

In Sweden they used to classify Homosexuality as a disease during the 20th century so in protest people would call in too gay to work.

New Zealand

When same sex marriage was legalized, the parliament broke into song.

The song

Other

Homosexuality is illegal in 73 countries, some by death or life in prison.

Only one country in Asia has legalized same-sex marriage: Taiwan

FNAF is older than same-sex marriage in the US

Condor Operation

I think this is some important stuff so please reblog so more people can see! And, if you would like to add to or correct anything here, feel free to do so!

[hellomynameisbisexual]

“QUEER”

First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.

“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.

If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.

I am bisexual.

This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:

Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.

I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.

Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).

#1: Finding My Place

Or, not being queer enough

I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?

I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.

This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:

“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.

But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?

#2: Myths and Misconceptions

Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.

Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.

Infidelity

All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.

As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.

But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.

This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.

Other Queer Myths

The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.

This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.

#3: Erasure

Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.

Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.

Monosexuality & The Gender Binary

Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.

The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.

Bierasure

Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.

Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.

My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.

If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:

Erasure Kills

Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.

Conclusion

Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.

Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.

If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.

So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?

It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.

[ghost0loxer]

Imagine, a gender fluid teenager like myself has a favourite/feel-good film and that film is “Just One of the Guys,”from the mid 80s.

Picture this: theatre class, we watch “She’s The Man”, a dreamworks film from the 2000s. And yet, the social justice issues within the film are glaringly obvious to today’s society. Don’t get me wrong, it can be a funny film in a group setting - but then there are scenes that are just uncomfortable. Now, we discussed these themes in class, but I just can’t help but think about the film that came before it. Yes, StM (she’s the mans) is a modern day adaption of Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night” but I was thinking about the modern day adaption before StM, “Just One of the Guys” from the mid 80s.

I love this film. For multiple reasons, which I hope to discuss.

Number one, our main character. Terry Griffith is stubborn. If she thinks something is right, she won’t let anyone say no or get in her way. Now in some cases, this is great. It’s definitely a shift in the usual romantic comedy female lead (especially for the 80s). But it’s one of her biggest flaws. In the beginning, Terry doesn’t win a contest for a part-time job at the Sun Tribune. She believes her article was amazing, but she speaks with her English teacher and he gives it to her straight. “You don’t have what it takes to be a reporter.” Her article is boring; it’s about the nutritional value of the lunch menu in the school cafeteria, of course it’s boring. But the words her teacher tells her has her convinced it’s because she’s a woman. Thus, she leaves school for two weeks and transfers as a buy to another school who are holding the same competition. Once she gives her article, she is told almost the same thing, but this time, she’s given proper feedback to improve it. Of course, there was some irony with this scene between Terry and the teacher. “Just because you’re guy, doesn’t mean you can’t be sensitive or light.” Thing is, she doesn’t give up, she strives to fix it and finds a new angle. I love her determination, I love the way she doesn’t let others push her around. Furthermore, her transition to a man. In StM, Viola as a guy is made to be cringey and comedic, you watch and think, there’s no way a guy would do that. But Terry, having grown up with a younger brother and is actually smart, manages to nail the role. Sure, she has slip-ups, but she stays afloat and she’s not being over the top. She’s chill and convincing, yet you as the audience can tell she’s trying to appear masculine. Her lines are witty and she’s sharp. Someone has something to say, she’ll be able to backtrack and answer with a joke or sarcasm quickly. I like smart characters.

Another point, the way women are written in this film. A lot of women in this film are treated like shit, but it’s probably a realistic depiction of the 80s. Everyone is talking about dating and sex, it seems to be the only topic the women in this film speak about, unless they are Terry. Terry seems to be the only character in this film whose main goal is not romance or sex. She strives to be a reporter, she wants to prove herself, and she rejects the advances upon her frequently. Whether it’s the boys asking her on dates in halls, or her own boyfriend attempting to seduce her when her parents aren’t home, she doesn’t put them above herself, yet she still lets them down easily, unless they become more pushy (case in point, her boyfriend, Kevin, in the beginning). She can stand up for herself, but she’s not the only one. Her best friend, Denise is one of the many women looking for love, nevertheless, she holds standards. I will admit, I didn’t like Denise’s acting in the beginning; she’s not a great character, but even she manages to reject men’s advances constantly. She’s not afraid to say it bluntly and she expresses her true emotions when certain guys try to ask her out. She tells it to them straight, and I respect her for that (despite her lack of empathy for some). Terry’s brother is constantly hitting on Denise, but she stands her ground. She doesn’t hit him or curse him out, she spins words around him and always lead back to the key word “no.”

This is my third, and maybe final point, (because I’m not great at writing but I’m starting to get tired) the way they handle sexual orientation. It seems if you’re going to make a film about a cross-dressing woman who falls in love with a man, you have to discuss sexuality and this film is not afraid to. That was my biggest beef with StM, when Viola confessed her love to Duke, the made it blatantly clear that it was “weird” and “unusual”; the editing and music cuts. It was done for comedic purposes, but in that moment, it just made me cringe. Even when the principal marched onto the field during the big match to expose Sebastian as “the woman he was all along,” he used a big megaphone and said to the whole crowd this man is in fact a girl. If it were to happen in the real world, and this character was a trans male, that would be traumatizing and so so insensitive. I couldn’t help thinking the way they handled the reveal in StM was poor and shitty.

But with JOotG (just one of the guys)? It’s done respectfully. Throughout the film, Buddy, Terry’s younger, sex-obsessed brother (I have thoughts on this character), often refers to Terry as a transvestite or sexually confused. They make references about her dating other women and jokes. It’s not treated like taboo, but just something people normally talk about, and as a questioning kid when I first watched the film, I really needed that. Although it was used for jokes, the fact that it wasn’t treated like a silent topic made me think more of it and discover who I was; it was media like this that made me accept myself.

Even with the reveal. Kevin, Terry’s boyfriend (or ex boyfriend by the end), stomps up to Terry after she’s wrestled with the school bully and was dumped into the waves at prom. Rick, who’s been Terry’s friend (and is the male lead) throughout her time at his high school, immediately questions who Kevin is and he responds with a harsh and sure “Terry’s boyfriend.” Of course, that doesn’t expose Terry as female, but makes Rick assume she’s a homosexual. But instead of calling her weird or replying negatively, he answers Kevin’s question calmly and says he’s just a friend. There is no prejudice, no disgust, Rick is shocked, but that’s expected. Furthermore, this reveal not only does not alienate homosexuality, it puts the center of focus on the main characters rather than have the whole audience/prom witness this exchange. Sure, the rest of the school is watching but the camera never pans over to them, and even then, Terry drags Rick away from the crowds to a secluded area to explain more.

Even once they’re secluded, Rick doesn’t yell at her or is homophobic. He just says “I understand, you’re gay.” As we know, Terry is not in fact gay and she reveals this to him in a similar fashion as StM, at least it’s not flashing a whole crowd. But the thing that hits me, is the fact that it’s not used as a joke or for comedy. Throughout the film, they’ve mentioned homosexuality and being transgender, but it was used as a light-hearted joke (nothing insulting or derogatory). In this moment, it’s not a joke, and it’s the bare minimum for a emotional scene like this, but it always hits me.

Of course, Rick gets justifiably mad that he’s been deceived and he storms off. Terry’s flaw catches up to her here, as she kisses him in front of the prom guests, stubborn to make him realize how much she cares. ( I didn’t agree with this action to be frank, I cringed ). The crowd gasps and it’s the usual reaction to a homosexual kiss and Rick just pulls back, says “It’s alright everyone, he’s got tits,” and leaves with Deborah.

In true romantic comedy fashion, life moves on. Terry gets the job at the Sun-Tribune after writing her article about posing as a guy and everyone who was longing for love in the beginning has found it, except Terry. The ending, however, is Rick coming back for her after a couple (days? Weeks? Idk all I know is it’s summer by the time he comes back, how much space between prom and summer?) and they kiss, go on a date and all is good.

Now after writing this long ass post, I’ve come to realize the main reason I like this film. Sure, Terry is a good character (not morally sometimes, but she’s interesting to watch), the way women are presented also is good, but my main source of affection for this film (in comparison to StM) is the way they handle the switching of genders. I’m gender fluid, I don’t always like being a woman or a man, I switch almost daily and half the time can’t decide if I want to grow out my hair or cut it. Seeing Terry, originally a woman, manage to convince people she was a guy made me wish I could do it too. It made me realize, I don’t always like being a woman. I want to be a guy sometimes, and I want that to be accepted. It was media like this, like Ouran High School Host Club, like Bare: A Pop Opera, that made me understand my gender and sexuality. (Even media that didn’t have any relation to LGBTQ+ helped).

When I first heard of “She’s the Man”, I had hoped it would be like these pieces of media. And it wasn’t. It was an alright film, but made me feel disappointed and somewhat let down. And that’s why I just prefer Just One of the Guys. Maybe it wouldn’t float in today’s political climate, maybe I’m wrong for seeing these points as reasons it’s one of my favorites, but its still better than StM and is one of my favourite films.

[pinkchaosart]

On transphobia towards our Sisters (not just our cis-ters)

(TW: talk of transphobia, misogyny, gender and sex-based violence)

So I went and took a look at the post by @persistentlyfem that’s causing a major fuss, and I thought I’d address it as a lesbian femme myself. I see a lot of the common talking points that get thrown around and I’m seeing some truly toxic replies being thrown in her direction. Eight years ago I might have agreed with the replies, but I think it’s more useful to engage those talking points and maybe we can meet with some kind of understanding.

Now I want to get a few things out of the way first. Persistentlyfem says, if not in the main post then elsewhere on her blog, that she doesn’t identify as a radfem (radical feminist), so I won’t assume that she is one. I will however address the points she raises as being part of the trans-exclusionist radical feminist ideology, as that’s where the ideas seem to have come from.

One of the biggest misunderstanding between radical feminists and liberal feminists is the concept of gender vs. sex and their importance when speaking of identities. TERF ideology is rooted in second-wave feminism of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, which was a necessary step in the feminist school of thought and is the reason we have a lot of our modern rights. Most people who are trans-exclusionary would describe themselves as gender-critical, but in my opinion, I believe that being exclusionary towards trans women is rooted in the resistance to third-wave feminist ideas of individualism and diversity. But we’ll hold that thought for now.

The ideal of radical feminism is to liberate women by tearing down the concept of gender, abolishing it all together. The ideal of liberal feminism is to create equality by creating safe and inclusive spaces for everyone, regardless of gender, via social and legal reform. Basically the main difference between the two schools of thought is one seeks to destroy gender as a construct and the other seeks to expand it to be more inclusive. It’s important to note that being a radical feminist does not automatically mean that you must be trans-exclusionary.

So I’d like to talk about some specific talking points. I took a little stroll down Persistentlyfem’s blog to see what her experience has been and so that I can understand where she’s coming from. Normally I wouldn’t engage in this kind of conversation because I’m disabled so I have very little energy to spare, but as a fellow butch-attracted femme, I thought it might be useful to respond to her  thoughts. I won’t respond to all the points in her recent post, but I will try to talk about the core ideas.

I see that she’s concerned with misogyny in LGBTQ2S+ spaces. I agree it’s widespread, often in ways that are covert. I see it in how butches treat femmes, how gay men talk about women, and how we speak to fellow gay women who disagree with our opinions. And, If I understand correctly, it’s that internalized misogyny that she believes is responsible for trans women believing they should be included in women-only spaces. I argue that it’s quite the opposite, and that it’s actually misogyny that keeps trans-women from being fully accepted.

What I mean is that I find the argument for “female-only spaces” (assigned female at birth, cisgendered women) quite reductive. It implies that there is only one way to be a woman and it reduces us to our genitalia. I don’t think anyone would say they’re a woman because they have a vagina and mean it fully (maybe you would, I don’t really know you). They would also say that their experiences shape them as a woman as well. And I agree, what makes a woman involves quite a lot of factors, and no two women’s experiences are the same. Persistentlyfem has argued that trans women are raised and socialized as male, but I disagree. Setting aside that trans women aren’t a monolith and have completely different socializations between individuals, I would agree that most trans women are treated as male growing up, but for the most part, it doesn’t quite….fit them. More accurately I would say our culture attempts to socialize them as men.

When I think back to my own experience growing up, I, like a lot of girls, had a “not like other girls” period. Internalized misogyny, great right? Because the socialization of “girl” didn’t quite right, the definition being narrow and rigid. Based on stereotypes. So I found my femininity later in my teens. I argue that this is something that most women go through in some way or another. We find our socialization as women uncomfortable and constraining. Not quite right.

As I said, you can’t speak of trans women as a monolith, but from the stories and dialogue I’ve been involved in, countless stories sound exactly like that. Being socialized into a Gender Box that doesn’t suit you is like watching a video in a language you don’t speak. Internalized misogyny is a universal experience between girls growing up, cis and trans, and it is internalized misogyny that keeps trans women from accepting who they truly are. In fact, for them to run away from woman as their identity would inherently be internalized misogyny.

The idea that trans ideology is based in “regressive stereotypes about ‘boys and girls’” isn’t wholly incorrect. I think we all agree that gender is a social construct. But that doesn’t make my identity as a women more valid than someone who transitioned later in life. It doesn’t follow that a trans’ person’s gender is less real than a cis person’s gender. And while we live in our culture and our current society, gender is something that we interact with on a daily basis, which makes it real in a very real sense. We could argue whether it should be that way, but the situation is currently that gender is an important construct in our culture. Not to mention, the thought that all trans people fall in a strict “man” or “woman” binary is incorrect as there are plenty of people that embody other gender identities. Indeed, there are many wonderful trans people that we could argue are the radfem ideal of aegender and/or non binary.

Now the idea that “lesbians and straight men like vaginas. Gays and straight women like penises” is a bit of a stretch. Again, I think a statement like this is pretty oversimplified, but I don’t think that you’re inherently wrong. Generally speaking, sure. Although, again, I’ve met plenty of straight women dating trans men, and there are plenty of straight men that date trans women. But the inherent flaw in this argument isn’t that you’re wrong, but that it implies that attraction equals validity. Am I a woman because a man is attracted to my vagina? No. Am I less of a woman if men aren’t attracted to me? Again, no. My gender isn’t contingent on other’s attraction to me, and that is the same for trans individuals. I think this kind of argument comes from the pressure that is sometimes felt within our community, that if you’re not open to dating trans people then you’re inherently transphobic. I am not going to get into that argument, as this is a whole other can of worms. But what I am going to say is that nobody is going to force you to date a trans person. You don’t have to date someone if you don’t want to. You don’t have to tell everyone why you don’t want to date them, you can just politely decline. 

I’m going to be blatantly honest: I am predominantly attract to butch women and afab non binary masculine people. I have never dated someone who was amab, and generally speaking I don’t find myself attracted to them. But that doesn’t mean I think that trans women aren’t women just because I generally don’t find myself attracted to them. 

On top of this I’m going to agree with you: sex based oppression does exist. So does gender-based oppression. I know I have experienced bullying in my own time based on my own gender, my ability, my weight, all that good stuff. Maybe some of it was based around embarrassing period episodes (which I would file under sex-based bullying). But misogyny is not just sex-based, it is also inherently gendered. And if we know anything about trans women, it’s that they are overly targeted with violence based on their gender. Especially if they’re BIPOC. And it’s because their gender is feminine that they’re perceived as being targets; is that not the epitome of misogyny? To hate a person because they’re not perceived as the patriarchal male ideal?

Something else I would like to talk about is the concept that trans women are inherently misogynistic. I would argue that every woman, regardless of what they were assigned at birth, carries internalized misogyny. Cis women, however, have years to grapple with it before becoming women. Trans women tend to not have as much time to unlearn internalized misogyny before they become women. That doesn’t invalidate them as women, it just means that we should be more supportive of them, not less. All of this trans-exclusionary rhetoric only serves to increase their self-hatred and I argue that that kind of talk is a contributing factor to the poor mental health we see in the trans community. Instead of supporting some of the people with the greatest insight into the patriarchy, trans-exclusionists push women away and inflict them with even more gendered violence and gender-based discrimination. 

The other thing I want to address is the idea that trans women transitioning is rooted in homophobia. Which seems to make sense if you think of trans women being only attracted to men. The idea that a man decides to be a woman because he can’t deal with being gay doesn’t make a lot of sense, though. Homophobia tends to be rooted in misogyny too, a fear of being less of a man. So it doesn’t follow that the solution would be to “become a woman” much like the solution to put out a fire isn’t to light more things on fire. Piggybacking off of this point, a lot of trans exclusionists will accuse trans women of being predators. In fact, often, they’ll hold these two ideas at the same time. But the reality is that, if a man wants to prey on women, he doesn’t need to become a woman. The sign on the bathroom door isn’t actually a deterrent if a man wants to follow a woman in. And again, it’s a counter-intuitive idea, that a man who wants to prey on women would go through all the legal hurdles, all the social stigma, even some medical treatments just to gain access to women’s only spaces. Besides the fact that this type of behaviour is a myth created by conservative right-wing christian groups to stir up fear, it doesn’t happen and assault is still illegal regardless of what your gender marker is. 

I am not going to address anything about surgery or hormones. Those points are only ever brought up as enforcing points, they’re not the main issues. Most of the rhetoric is based in fear-mongering conservative right-wing christian groups drum up and it is, again, a whole other topic that requires nuance that most people don’t acknowledge.

The main point I see Persistantlyfem talk about, and something we can agree on, is the misogyny in LGBTQ2S+ spaces. We all like to think that, somehow through our journeys of discovering our true selves, we shed the misogyny along the way, that our spaces are truly accepting of all genders and presentations. That’s not the case. Misogyny is still a problem in every letter of our community and it will be for a long time. We see it when butches treat femmes as “high maintenance” or like property, we see it in how gay men talk about female bodies. We see it the self-hatred trans people of all gender identities feel towards themselves. We see it when lesbians reject bisexual women. 

Throwing around “terf” helps nobody. Calling each other stupid and pretentious is not useful. I know this is a painful topic to many on both sides, but the infighting in the queer community is toxic and needs to come down from a boil if we’re going to make any progress. Most people that sling insults are younger and therefor are more hot-headed. I used to be too, and still can be sometimes but like I said, limited energy means that you tend to focus it more consciously and I hope that this time I’ve spent here can help.

@Persistantlyfem, I see that you were hurt, and I respect and honour your experiences. I suspect that some of those that hurt you were trans women. I understand, I’ve had trans partners hurt me as well. But those experiences don’t allow us to revoke someone else’s right to their own interpretation of themselves. And I’m sorry about all of the toxicity you’ve experienced in these last few weeks, you don’t deserve it. I hope that we can have a conversation in a respectable way, worthy of two adult gays who’ve been through a lot.