#not even getting into characters with trauma

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

I once read a fic that had kind a similar/oposit situation

Where character A is in to BDSM and charcetr B thinks that has to do with Trauma

And character A is like yeah I have endured things no one should and it did brake me in ways i can barely put in to words and will most likely never move beyond and it has left me damaged BUT none of that has anything to do with the fact that I like it wenn people hurt me on my terms and frankly it is getting a bit insulting that you do not grant me the ability to know what I want

So like idk

But I propably would let Meg meet someone who is also super promiscous with no strings attatched

And she would come to the conclusion that obviously the other person is like that becasue of the same reasons ans she is

And eventually she makes an offhand comment about that other person obviously having hadto endure some shit and teh other person is realyl suprised becasue nope, they are not traumatized they had a pretty good live they just like doing things this way

Which would then force Meg to at least wonder if she would be like this regardless

Which can be something she chews at for a while, could be even a mini arc where she comes to the realization that while trauma has a hand in the way she goes about it, it isn't teh route cause, it's just how she prefers to do things

It might even be healing for her to realize that she is not broken in that regard ... just different

I dislike the inclusion of a lot of modern Queer Rep Terminology in spec fic (fantasy more than sci fi) on basically aesthetic grounds. But also on to be slightly more principled about it, I feel like forcing the writers to actually describe their characters' identities and sexualities without recourse to a labelled bucket they can just slap and say 'yknow, this!' would be very artistically fruitful.

[felassan]

David Gaider on Fenris, under a cut for length:

"Fenris. Now, DA2 is a story all on its own but I'm not going to go there other than to sum it up as "we had just over a year and a half to make this". It's why I only wrote one follower, Fenris, and although it'll make his fans mad: I probably shouldn't have. Let me explain. The way we'd approach making the followers is brainstorming a list of concepts covering first the array of gameplay classes (and sub-classes) and then making sure they each have some skin in the game when it came to the story's conflicts - ideally having characters on both sides of the major ones. Why? You can't make a player care about the world, but you can make them care about characters who care about the world. It's the easiest way to provide hooks into a conflict, outside of it knocking on the player's door. Heck, it's probably better than that. Players will burn the world for approval. After that, we'd decide things like romances/sexuality. Then the writers would pick who they'd write. I always let my writers pick first. I figured they do their best work when it's something they're inspired to write... and they got so few chances at ownership, I wanted to give it whenever I could It's why I (reluctantly) let Patrick wrest Cole from my grasp in DAI, a character I'd created in Asunder. It's also why I let Jennifer take Anders in DA2, who I'd started in Awakening. In this instance, it meant I was left with the angry elven warrior character who nobody else appeared to want."

"It should have been my first clue that something was up. The second was how the artists had zero clue what to do with him. The art concepts were all over the place - from mages to crows to... well, even weirder. No matter how hard I tried to explain the idea, the artists simply didn't seem to get it Does this mean he was a bad character? Not exactly. Just an idea that probably deserved some re-examining. You can tell when an idea has a certain spark, and part of that is being easy to communicate. Sadly, there wasn't time for any re-examining even if it'd occurred to me. And it didn't, not yet. If it had, if I had time, maybe I'd have re-booted him as a templar. Someone pro-templar rather than anti-mage, who could give a personal hook into Meredith and give the templars some badly-needed humanity. But this falls into the shoulda-woulda-coulda category. I had a follower to write. Quickly. I struggled, at first. It was hard to get away from "Fenris hates everything, all the time". It felt very one-note, and I didn't know where to take him. My third clue, I guess. I also wasn't sure if I was the right person to write a former slave. I did know that couldn't be the center of his story. I did know trauma, however. How it can eat you up. How the hate and resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. How it can infect your relationships. Fenris's trauma isn't my trauma, obviously, but here I dipped into a more personal part of myself than I'd ever done before."

"It gave me the center of his story I was missing, but wow was it uncomfortable. In a good way, maybe. I likely wouldn't have, if I hadn't been so desperate. In a way, I think DA2 had some of our best writing *because* of the timeline. It was raw, with little time to sand down the interesting parts. I wouldn't have done the "Fenris doesn't talk to you for three years" thing if I'd known we were going to cut all the reactivity initially planned for the time jumps. When that call was made, I campaigned to cut the jumps to a year, but there was no time for the revisions it'd need. So, um. Awkward. I used to get asked where the name came from, and I... don't remember? Obviously it's derived from Fenrir, but I don't recall why we picked that. Someone pointed at Fenris the Feared from Joe Abercrombie's books... and I did read them, so maybe the name lodged in my head? Wouldn't be the first time. Casting Fenris turned out to be easy. He was the first time I requested a specific VA and got him. (The other times were Merrill and then Solas, my two "I want these specific Welsh actors, please".) Why? OK, if you must know, I'd played a bit of Final Fantasy XII. I heard Balthier. "Yes, that." 😅 And Gideon Emery was a delight, as it turned out. Consummate professional, and that lovely gravel in his voice... good god. Bite the knuckles. There was a struggle to find the voice at the outset where I did my best not to say "just pls do Balthier" but he found Fenris on his own and it was amazing. Overall, Fenris turned out better than he had any right to, considering the rocky start. He had a lot of soul, a vulnerability forged by pain that struck a chord with a lot of players, and I'm glad. Do I regret anything? Probably having him live in a corpse-filled mansion that would never update. That's a hindsight thing, though, as again the cut to reactivity over the time jumps came late. Outside of that, maybe letting the player give him back to Danarius? Poor shock value and a waste of resources because almost nobody took the option. Good evil options are ones that are tempting to take. And the lyrium tattoos. Interesting concept, but they're probably why you'll never see Fenris in a future DA. He requires a custom body, and the tattoos make that expensive. It's why I put Fenris in my 4th DA novel - the cancelled one. Don't fret, though. He died in it, so this way he lives on. 😉"

[source thread]

User: "Wait wait how does he die in [the cancelled novel]??" David Gaider: "Gloriously, after taking up a cause he didn't believe in at first but then made his own, one that allowed him to rediscover what it meant to be elven." [source] David Gaider: "I’m not sorry about the novel cancellation. I’m the one who cancelled it. I am kinda sad we couldn’t make it work, though. Considering it was after I left the DA team, it would have been my final DA hurrah." [source] David Gaider: "From my perspective, it was kind of "well if you're never going to use him again, let me at least give him a proper send off" and the story required a glorious death... but I get that's not the story his biggest fans would want (which is Hawke + Fenris 4ever), so it's just as well." [source]

User: "You all did some incredible work with such a tight deadline" David Gaider: "I'm of the opinion that even if we'd had only another six months to bake, DA2 would be remembered as a classic and not either a flawed gem or underbaked sequel, depending on who you ask." [source]

[sol-iscus]

❗️Mild arcane spoilers ❗️

Miiight ruffle some feathers.

Not EVEN going to lie, unnecessary ship wars aside, the fan base has developed such a deep love and understanding for these characters (because let’s be honest, there are some pretty intelligent people giving eye opening analyses) that after the finale, it appears that we have a better understanding of them than the actual writers.

We deserved better as the audience after all the hype over the years, all the waiting, even after some episodes got leaked a while ago, most of us remained respectful and waited to see what this season would bring us. The core characters ABSOLUTELY deserved better as well.

It felt as if I was watching all of the characters’ development be erased in real time, or become sidelined and nearly mute after being propped up to appear as if they were going to have a significant arc.

With the amount of episodes we had, it felt like they were trying to cram a bunch of different storylines into one 9 episode season and that left us with annoying plot holes and rushed sequences.

And I’m just gonna say it.

If a certain relationship needed to be sacrificed if it meant that other characters had the proper development they needed and DESERVED, then I would have preferred that much, MUCH more than that undercooked finale.

Don’t. Even. Get me started on that caitvi scene. In the cell? Right after that conversation she had with her sister? Don’t give me that nonsense about how it’s vi reclaiming her power or something. (An actual weird ass statement from Amanda Overton in a Q&A video about how that was Vi reclaiming and working through her trauma in that cell).

No apology? No groveling for forgiveness? That little argument they had lasted like five seconds and didn’t even address the earlier conflict that happened in the show after cait left vi. And before any of you say “cait apologized with her actions”

I don’t care. Two things can be true at once, she can and should have apologized directly as well as displayed that with her actions.

Moving on to Mel??? We did not nearly have enough time to explore her new abilities as a mage, her armor, and her connection to the black rose. As I said, the storylines this season should have been more refined so we could focus on a central group of characters. They did nothing but hint at her armor from the end of season 1 all the way up until now.

Also maybe I’m hallucinating, but did we ever find out what happened to the firelight’s tree?? That’s one of the main reasons Ekko and Heimerdinger went to the lab isn’t it? HELLO?

Next on my list, Jinx. This girl has suffered to no end.

- Lost her whole family except for Vi.

- Almost died once and was brought back to life.

- Tried to end her life several more times

And you slap us all in the face by writing her off?

“Oh but she may not be GONE gone, look at the glitching at the end!"

I. Don’t. Care. It’s the principle.

I’m sick and tired of seeing characters that struggle with mental health and keep having one bad event after another happen to them, never receiving a proper ending. What messages are the writers sending with this? That death is basically the answer because there’s no hope for them? Cool. That was not an honorable act of self sacrifice, that was plain insulting.

Instead, if they still really wanted to have a Jinx redemption arc and a chance to rekindle her relationship with Vi, having her tap into engineering for the betterment of Zaun would have been the better route.

We should have gotten an extra extended episode since this is last season for the Piltover/Zaun region, and for Jinx and Vi's story. I really want to blame Riot for being greedy and possibly becoming too cocky with the popularity of Arcane that they think anything would suffice because It's Arcane.

[louisferrignojr]

i'm gonna go ahead and say something very controversial but i'm not interested in another "buck feels abandoned" arc re: eddie moving to texas. please be aware this is coming from a person with abandonment issues and easily triggered RSD. i get it.

when i say i want some fucking character development for buck, this is what i mean. it's been 8 seasons. we cannot be doing the same shit over and over again, and yes, as much as 911 has an ongoing theme of "your past catches up to you and triggers you unexpectedly" and "grief and trauma are never fully resolved" which are all good and make for interesting storytelling. i cannot reconcile with the idea that a 33 year old man is gonna feel "abandoned" by his best friend moving back to his hometown to be with his son to repair the relationship he damaged. like that's fucking common sense. of course eddie needs to do this.

like, will buck be sad? sure. your friend moves away. you miss them. you're allowed to sulk a little bit. but as a fucking grown up, you want what's best for them, you want to support them — and we saw it in the episode, he immediately put his baking-to-cope aside to help eddie with his facetime appointment — and the sadness only showed on his face when eddie wasn't looking, because that's what you do when you're a mature adult.

now, with tommy? that's different altogether. that's the person you're wanting to build a future with abruptly ending your relationship and leaving you hanging, wondering what the fuck happened. the fact that he's trying to stop himself from calling tommy is, at the very least, a sign that he has questions he wants answers to, he wants closure, he's open to reconciliation. this breakup would absolutely bring up old wounds of being left behind. not that i trust the show to give us anything meaningful, even if they do get buck and tommy back together — but this is how i see it anyway.

[thousandyearphantombunker]

Unlike Namaari King Magnifico deserved redemption. He might have been narcissistic and a bit of a control freak but he also felt like he was burnt out and underappreciated/misunderstood (imagine hearing "why can't you grant my wish please help me!' and being unable to explain yourself without breaking that person's heart- the frustration irritation and guilt from those reactions would kill me) and people want to help him for selfish reasons. Imagine meeting someone you think could lighten your load of work and become a friend or confidant only for them to tell you they're helping solely for selfish reasons. That's crushing. and he's not wrong that granting everyone's wish is a bad idea- why waste a wish on becoming a talented pianist if you could just practice on your own and get good? Why ask for a wish to become a doctor when you could just study and become one on your own? Are the people here that lazy? What moral questions would you have to face if someone asks for their child's disability to be cured or for them to have their lover return their affections or if they ask to be eternally happy or get rid of bad but needed realities like death? What ills could those wishes cause (this is giving me flashbacks to the 'board of governors' song from Jekyll and Hyde - very important good questions that got ignored by the protagonist but atleast Jekyll faced actual consequences for being a dumb ass and not answering them) And then there are wishes that are outright dangerous- ill intent unto others.

King Magnifico isn't evil he was under stupid amounts of pressure from his duties to his kingdom, his duties as a wizard who had to contend with these questions and all the work he had to do- on top of all that he has trauma specifically related to this stuff. He's got a thankless shitty job but still pushes through until he can't anymore. He was being selfless until the stupid plot picked up and he had his PTSD triggered and out of fear (which the audience sympathized with for obvious reasons) and after the whole book thing he was possessed and didn't have control over his actions. He deserved some consequences for picking up the book but nothing as harsh as the mirror imprisonment. He deserved to have people point out his fears were valid and that granting everyone's wish isn't a good idea and in some cases it's not even his responsibility. Sometimes you have to make your wish come true on your own and ask yourself the heavy questions- he deserved to be portrayed as sympathetic- He's like genie from Aladdin shackled down by his powers and that he was handling that work load alone with zero thanks and all the frustration of people depending on him more! He wasn't planning to do bad the whole movie! The worst thing he did was open an evil book when the pressure finally got to him

the movie should have let him be right in some aspects "okay maybe granting everyone's wish is bad, and maybe we should appreciate your work more but the only way for us to stop relying on you is if you let us grant our wishes on our own, even if you think it'll hurt" and having Asha, her friends and his wife take on more responsibilities. Maybe he has to share half of his magic with them and it weakens him and he's no longer the sole ruler and basically having him have to confront being a control freak. Having to trust others with his power and chill out. Him and Asha having to let others be disappointed angry and ungrateful and not let it bother them but also having to check themselves and their sense of superiority and Magnifico again would have to check if he was being too harsh etc.

King Magnifico wasn't evil. He's was right that granting everyone's wish is bad and dumb. he was in the right. The story should have shown that he was in the right without making him the good guy and had Asha be an actual character with an arc but instead of actually writing that story Disney decided to make him pure evil out of nowhere so you wouldn't think about how terrible the moral was (which would still earn my ire but I digress) but the thing is Magnifico became evil cause he was possessed- so while not totally innocent it instead emphasized the bigger problem with the movie

He genuinely is selfless and because of his trauma believes what he's doing is right- that can work for a villain but you have to be a real good writer to make it work- you have to make his actions more irrational and selfish and cruel inorder for people to recognize him as a villain (as a rule of thumb if your villain isn't doing something irrationally cruel and is fully in the right then you probably fucked up. If your writing a well intentioned extremist- you either have to make their methods insane or their motive- selfless but irrational or something- something has to be wrong with their mindset or rationale and something definitely has to be wrong with their actions) but clearly the writers can't pull that shit off. They made him completely rational and sympathetic on top of it all

And again he was possessed.

He did nothing wrong prior to that.

Not every villain has to be redeemed and have a son story attached. But for fucks sake if anyone deserves better it's him. The problem isn't that every villain is redeemed the problem is that the villains who get redeemed/get to be sympathetic anti heros don't deserve it and the baddies who do deserve better get treated like garbo

I just watched Wish (2023) and it made me realize something kind of sad about Disney’s treatment of villains.

So Disney has a long history of villainy from the OG Evil Queen who is willing to murder a girl just for being pretty to the misguided like Auto thinking he’s protecting humanity in Wall-E. They are mean, jealous, prideful, vain, and many relish in just being the worst of the worst. However every now and then we get a glimpse of more complexity. Zootopia’s Bellwether dealing with years of racism and mistreatment, Gantu trying to stop what he thinks is a monster in Lilo and Stitch, Up’s Muntz being a heroic explorer before paranoia consumed him, etc. The thing that makes me sad about these villains is that not one of them has ever had a chance at redemption or change in Disney’s eyes and nowhere is that sadder to me than their latest villain, King Magnifico.

(Spoilers below)

King Magnifico is the magical founder of a utopian society that accepts people of all races, religions, and backgrounds. Who created this wonderful place after what is heavily implied to be a violent invasion destroyed his homeland when he was but a child. This past trauma led him to study magic and become a powerful sorcerer so that nothing could hurt him or the people he cared about ever again. His magic is a protection that he extends to all who choose to live in the city. The city is vibrant with a colorful community full of artisans, musicians, and dancers. He takes no taxes from them, but does take their one true wish upon joining this society.

When given these wishes it is understood that he will ensure their safety and possibly grant them one day. Something important to note about the physical manifestations of the wishes is that they give off a warm and comforting aura as they represent some of the purest parts of a person’s soul. Magnifico has been surrounding himself with this magical comfort for a very very long time by himself and I don’t think it’s unfair to say he has become addicted to their presence. The wishes are giving him a magical comfort through the kind souls within them, a feeling he could’ve probably also gotten if he had spent more time with his people.

It doesn’t look like he ever really got the chance to commune with his people properly because somehow the society kicked off on his wish granting abilities. People had to give him their wishes if they wanted them granted and eventually the ones that he couldn’t grant in good conscience or out of fear started adding up so he began locking them away. Keeping them safe so no harm came to the people. The rare occasions that anyone else interacts with these wishes is during wish granting ceremonies that the people are borderline rabid for. With good reason, it is their souls they’re thirsting for after all even if they don’t really know it.

However, Magnifico clearly doesn’t see it that way. He sees it as he’s given these people a wonderful safe haven from the horrors of the outside world where they can be whoever they want to be, do what they want to do, make what they want to make, and still all they see in him is a tool to fastpass to something else they want even more than the peace he’s given them.

This is clearly shown early on, before any of his evil behavior starts to take root, in relation to his assistants. We get a expo dump after the first song telling us that Asha wants to become one of his assistant to increase the odds of her grandfather’s wish being granted as there is a correlation between past assistants and having wishes granted. Something important here is that there have clearly been many assistants, suggesting that it’s a revolving door position without really explaining why. Who would want to keep finding assistants over and over again, when really you should find someone who could do the job long term right? Well we get to find out the likely reason when Asha steps up for the role.

When Asha comes to interview for his assistant position he sees she is nervous, he tries to calm her down, and he even manages to relate to her through fond memories of her kindly father who he clearly knew. After seeing her true resolve to do good he decides to trust her with something few people in the entire kingdom get to see, the vault of wishes. To which Asha doesn’t even hesitate to ask, after politely being told not to prior, if he’ll grant her grandfather’s wish.

Magnifico is blatantly stricken by her request, sadly remarking that most people at least wait a few months before doing so a.k.a pretend to be interested in helping him rather than trying to use him to grant a wish. This is likely why the assistant job is a revolving door. Magnifico tries to find someone who he thinks will truly and selflessly fulfill the role only to discover time and again that people are just using it to get direct access to him to ask for a wish. Then he can’t trust their true intentions anymore and moves them along.

After Asha makes her request he does take the time to look at her grandfather’s wish but dismisses it as too dangerous because it is the vague desire to inspire the next generation. Clearly we as the audience know that her grandfather means to inspire them to do good, but we have to remember Magnifico has seen the worst of society. He has seen the darkest wishes and desires of mankind and survived them. He brushes Asha off telling her she’s too young to understand, which is honestly true. She’s lived her entire life cloistered in peace and comfort thanks to him and the rules he has made. She has never had to know war, strife, or hardship thanks to him, yet she doubts his decision without understanding the trauma that guides it. This is what I believe pushes Magnifico into his villain arc, something that I don’t think we’ve ever really witnessed in a Disney movie.

Usually a villain already is the villain by the time the film rolls around, even the twist villains. Lotso had already been deliberately sentencing other toys to torture. Prince Hans was already planning to murder his way to a throne. Evelyn was already plotting her revenge. Magnifico wasn’t though. He was the hero. He had saved his wife and a whole city’s worth of people from whatever drove them from the mainlands. He wasn’t physically abusing/mistreating people like Gaston even if he was vainly basking in their adoration.

When Asha pushes him on the wishes he pulls back from her, identifying her in his mind as a threat and treats her as one. He dismisses her and tells her that her family’s wishes will never be granted by him, but he will still keep them safe as he has been doing. Essentially meaning nothing will change for her from what it has been. You know a happy loving existence of complete acceptance and wholesome family life or as Asha interprets it, a fate worse than death.

His interaction with Asha triggers him, as she’s pushed at the flaws in his reasoning for holding onto the wishes. The flaws are true, but his mind is clouded by fear of a lack of control, likely stemming from the horrors he witnessed in his childhood when he had no control. He also likely has a bit of an addiction to the warm fuzzies that the wishes give on top of his fears. While he’s ruminating on that some massive wave of magic blows through the kingdom and messes with the thing he’s already stressed beyond reason about, the wishes.

Magnifico frantically searches for any answer, even considering a dangerous tome of forbidden magic that he knows is trouble before his wife manages to talk him down.

The fact that he could even be talked down rather than ignoring her outright shows that Magnifico does have good in him. He’s just reacting out of a genuine panic. His panic is only worsened by huge mob continuing to beg him for wishes in exchange for doing what should be the selfless act of defending their kingdom from what is essentially perceived as an attack. Not having any faith left in his people he turns back to the evil book to give him the key to stopping this perceived attack.

Just to be clear King Magnifico goes to the big bad evil book not to gain more power for funsies, but to try to find a way to stop a perceived threat. Everything he does from this point on, such as threatening his wife, can no longer be fairly tied to him, because as the movie repeatedly tells us he is under the EVIL book’s influence. His wife even looks through the same book to try and see if there is a way to break the sway she knows it has over him, but says she can’t because the EVIL book said no.

Yada yada yada and Magnifico is sealed inside a magic mirror and smugly told to rot in the dungeon by his previously loving wife.

Seriously?! What the heck?! This guy was the perfect candidate for rehabilitation. He wasn’t flawless, but he wasn’t a murderous psycho like most of the other Disney villains. Disney loves to preach kindness, acceptance, and good will with their heroes, but never does it allow the message of change.

I was shocked going back through the catalogue and slowly realizing none of their villains, regardless of how tragic their origins are, are ever truly allowed a second chance. The hero may offer it, but the baddy never is truly expected to change or reform. Which is honestly super messed up to me. People make mistakes. Some can be small/insignificant, but some are big and do hurt people sometimes. That doesn’t mean they can’t change for the better.

Now I’m not saying every villain is redeemable or good, it’s just a bit surprising that for all the messages of kindness and acceptance we haven’t really gotten forgiveness in 100 years. Seeing the “bad guy’s punishment” just deeply bothered me this time. Probably because so much of the bad that Magnifico does is clearly a trauma response and as a punishment for not acting appropriately to said response he gets sentenced to eternity is magical cell.

[dykedvonte]

I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?

What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.

[ombiblombi]

P.AI.nter is SUCH an interesting character to me... he's probably become one of my all time favorites, as I haven't fixated on a character this hard since since...TMC. It physically hurts to think about it in the best way possible-

That being said, I have SO MANY THOUGHTS to say about 'em... so I'm going to dump them here.

First and formost, it's so interesting that P.AI.nter has such a wide array of emotions when it comes to attacking and interacting with the Expendables. At first it's strange, like "WTF?? You're trying to kill me and you just yelled how I was boring, wdym you're sorry??" But... knowing his lore and backstory, it makes so much sense.

P.AI.nters creator was gunned down on accident by Urbanshade, which upon the discovery of P.AI.nter, then decided to trap him in a harddrive and make it mine whats essenically crypto at the Hadal Site- For years, it's stuck mining for the company unwillingly, unable to draw the lanscapes it loved. For fucks sake, P.AI.nter tried to FRY HIS CIRCUTS just to get out. He's desprate, miserable and lonely, and just wants to escape- Any way possible.

And so when Sebastian comes reeks his havoc on the site and finds it, P.AI.nter is incredibly trusting of him to get them both out. Maybe alittle too trusting, but whats he got left to loose? They've both been used by the company and want nothing more to leave, leave and never return. So when Sebastian connects it to the servers- to the Navi-Path & Turrets and tells him to stop the Expendables, P.AI.nter does.

However.

This is self preservation down here. P.AI.nter of course, is rightfully angry at times. I mean- The same company that killed it's creator before his very (nonexistant) eyes, trapped it down here, and even sucked the joy he has from creating art away is now actively getting in the way of the freedom he yearns for. But at the same time... this isn't something done that it entirely wants to be doing. Like I said. This is self preservation. And his actions, and even your deaths weigh heavy. Theres a voiceline, and its delievered so well- Of P.AI.nter pleading for the player to wake up and apologizing profusely if it kills you.

That line sparked this whole theory in the first place.

Your death, reminds it of his creator.

Isn't it ironic how it's now manning the very same weapon that killed the one who brought him sentience in the first place? That he's now the one at fault? Thats gotta be on the back of his mind each and every time it leads an expendable to their demise.

This isn't personal.

He doesn't know who you are.

But it still hurts.

It really annoys me when people in the community call P.AI.nter two faced, or god forbid, do the shitty thing of saying in a derogatory manner that he's bipolar or such as a "joke". Thats just disrespectful to both the character and folks who do have it. It's just plain rude. People do something similar for Sebastian, saying that oh, they're ruining his character by making him mean and snarky and whatnot. I know this happens in every fandom out there, and that this rant is fruitless, but... people need to understand that characters like P.AI.nter and Sebastian have reasons behind their actions and have existing trauma that if you take a moment to look at, you can go "Wowie! Thats a complex character! Everything makes so much sense now, like a puzzle peice I can see traces of in their character in almost every aspect!" Rather than doing awful things like I brought up at the start. But... I digress. I know this rant wont change much so. I hope y'all enjoyed my mini character analysis

Anyway this video has all of P.AI.nters voicelines if 'ya wanna go have a listen after this :] also I got plenty more thoughts about P.AI.nter and Sebastian if anyone wants to know!

[ambrosia-vinca]

Trying to put my thoughts in as uncontroversial a way as I possibly can (this is fandom so hopeless endeavor probably). I love Neve. I think she and Lucanis are cute and I like their banter, especially because we learn more about the both of them during their conversation (a bit about their childhoods for instance). No, I don't think “Lucanis loves Neve more” or “Lucanis loves Rook more” are justified takes.

But. Regarding Rook x Lucanis vs Neve x Lucanis. I think the thing that bothers me is that Lucanis feels like a completely different character with a different character arc depending on who he's in a relationship with, with no justification as to why that is.

In his romance arc with Rook, there's a big gap in the middle where he runs away because his own fears and trauma get too much, and he only comes around after Rook has literally been inside his head to break through his mental locks. They don't engage romantically at all otherwise after their almost kiss.

In his romance arc with Neve, he's receptive to her flirting always, and they have little dates and candlelit dinners. He doesn't seem to have a big mental block or to run away from her, he's mostly just being fumbling/shy and awkward. And it's never really justified or said why there's such a difference? Both couples end up being treated as a long-term serious thing. In a unhardened path, it can be argued that since Rook as a friend unlocks his mental prison, it enables him to go after Neve. But in a hardened path? He can't romance Rook because of his resentment/lack of trust, which is entirely justified for the kind of character he is, but does someone help him through his mental prison then? Does Neve go there at some point and help him out? I don't think it's ever mentioned (but maybe I missed things so entirely open to be corrected if I'm wrong. The mental prison thing seemed such a big/central thing for his character arc in this game so...)

Possibly a hot take but I think the comparison between relationships would have felt less jarring to me if there had been hints about Lucanis having the same character arc with Neve (running away, then coming back around after he starts getting his shit together). His romance arc with Neve feels like what Lucanis probably would have acted like before the Ossuary, cute and awkward without the mental prison/trauma thing that blocks him in a Rook romance, even though he's in the same situation, or even possibly worse if Treviso gets destroyed and blighted. I think it would have helped (for me anyway) if on top of the little scenes you get where he's cutely trying to woo Neve by making her coffee and dessert, you got another scene where he's having a bad time thinking he can't risk a relationship (since Rook is the therapist friend by default).

Then again, maybe I missed things? Idk if I've seen all the LucanisxNeve content the game has.

[jaypelt]

Normally I'm the sorta person that puts things in the tags, but it's difficult to deliver the thoughts I want without it just running on too long. I'm personally not in the position to make sweeping judgements of how *audiences* prefer shows, as I've kinda tapped out of that whole thing and pay less attention to takes on media. Although expecting instant trauma and emotion sounds ridiculous. - In the Fullmetal Alchemist manga they don't even show the big Human Transmutation Moment until like... 23 chapters in. It's just dripfed up to that point. - You don't understand all of the specifics as to why Mr. Harrier Du Bois drunk himself into amnesia until you piece it all together from experience throughout the whole game. Culminating in Dolores Dei on the last day. - Kurapika's ice cold demeanor is as disturbing as it is because you've seen how much kinder he can be, and how far he's fallen since earlier in the story. It's not simply the things that happen to him either, but the actions he DECIDES to take. All of these examples present characters who clearly wear some kind of Big Shit on their sleeves, yet it isn't all given to you immediately. And with proper leadup to their emotional moments. Granted, they come from media outside of strictly western TV shows, but I think the lack of patience from both writers and the audience can represent themselves in any media. The goal is to make you *feel bad*, or feel at least feel *something*. And the idea is that this makes a story or character more compelling. How do you hook an audience? You hit em where it hurts. And sometimes it feels as if there's a certain gut punch feeling they're looking for. But there needs to be something of substance to actually CARE about. You need to build up your characters, your world, your story, before you start making people feel something. Especially in the case of characters, you need to establish who they actually ARE and what they care about. It doesn't always have to be the trauma. And trauma can take many, many forms. Negligence, despondence, listlessness, etc. The way they respond to it is often informed by the kind of person they are, even if that part of them may irrevocably change afterwards. Some may not even realize they've experienced it to begin with and are unaware of how it has shaped them. Characters are the beating heart of any story. Any good one is more than just all the trauma you can load them up with. Your plot can be mid as fuck, yet people cherish it anyway because the characters are good. Which, by god, can take form in more ways placing them in cold drop dramatic moments or delving into their backstory from the get-go. And every story needs a little time to breathe. Space out the big moments, build up to them when appropriate. Too much is emotionally exhausting at best, and feels insulting or manipulative at worst.

Man is it just me or are a lot of TV shows nowadays are written to have big emotional episodes in scenes with very little build up.

[youareatragedy]

As much as I hate Feyre, I genuinely sometimes feel bad for how SJM uses her. SJM never seems to take mental health issues seriously in her books, and I think she made Feyre’s character worse in ACOMAF by making her look even more foolish. I can’t believe someone who went to all that effort for Tamlin would just trust and believe Rhysand to that degree in such a short time. And yeah yeah people heal from trauma differently, but this is the same guy who literally degraded her in front of all of Prythian, humiliated her, and taunted the person she thought was the love of her life for months.

SJM made Feyre seem so easily manipulated and childish—not even naive, just childish. And then, the moment she becomes fake 'High Lady' she’s somehow both self righteous and constantly bragging about her "powerful family” at every opportunity like she’s above everyone and everyone should bow to her husband. After the war, she opens a painting studio but still doesn’t care about the lives of the females in her court outside of Velaris. This.. all of this while being mad at Tamlin for doing something basic like collecting taxes—something a functioning government has to do.

I honestly don’t get what SJM is trying to do with Feyre. Time and time again, she clearly makes Feyre her self-insert. Is she admitting that the only feminism that matters is white feminism? That the moment SJM married her husband (who she claims is Rhys), she lost her agency and he became her handler? Is this a cry for help? I just don’t get it.

So yeah, sometimes I feel bad for Feyre. She’s so SO young, and her husband is 500 years older than her—we should hold him waaayyy more accountable for every shitty thing Feysand does. But the mystery of Feyre’s bad character progression always makes me wonder: did SJM do it on purpose, or does she truly just not see the problem? (I’m leaning towards the latter because her fans—a lot of them—also can’t see what the problem is with Feysand and the IC.)

[pauleentology]

lets talk about...

Ashlyn Banner 💚

Ashlyn Banner's character isn't limited to a typical antisocial introvert who hates people. She's so much more than that. She, like everyone else in the SBG group, has trauma and pain of her own, that wasn't brought about by the phantom realm.

Let's firstly talk about her introversion. Ashlyn has built walls and defenses around herself that have gotten so high nobody even dared to climb them. She didn't do this just because she didn't like people and having to interact with them, because deep down, she takes shame in her sensitivity. Her tinnitus and hyperacusis aren't just physical conditions for her, but a reminder of her fragility. The world is a cacophony of sounds that continue to overwhelm her senses, highlighting her internal chaos. She longs for peace but finds herself in an endless battle against the very sounds of life. She didn't want people to portray her as weak or sensitive, so she's built this entire cold front to distract everybody from the fact that she's just like everybody else. The irony in that though is that her very defenses end up pushing away the people that might understand her pain.

She's a clueless, troubled, socially-deprived teenager. It's only natural we expect her to not know what to say every time she speaks with someone, which sometimes ends up in her just blurting out whatever comes to her mind, often having her come off as abrasive and painfully straightforward. But she never means to be rude, she just doesn't know how to sugarcoat her words or soften her sharp tongue.

Despite her introversion, Ashlyn is more than capable of asserting herself when needed, and her bluntness is merely a defense mechanism for her to navigate her complex emotions even she herself doesn't completely understand. She's unfamiliar to the social construct of friendship, and avoids it as much as she can.

So when Ben and Aiden come into her life all the sudden, she's prompted to confront her fears of social interaction. After getting entangled in the supernatural events of the phantom realm with the others, she began to slowly soften and get attached to them, eventually trusting them with her life, and they begin to trust her with theirs. This puts her under the impression that she's responsible for their safety, and is obligated to protect them. She takes the lead, and protects them all with her life, just like she would her family.

Everytime they were together, she always felt some underlying guilt for their predicament. She always felt responsible in some way, and she vowed to take the lead from there. If she felt responsible, she thought it best she would take responsibility, and be the reason they were safe. She was the only one who didn't understand that she was allowed to show them her own vulnerabilities and hurt. She thought nobody else would understand if she just broke down into tears, that everybody expected her to be perfect as the leader. If there was anything she was scared to death of, it would be fucking everything up.

Her guilt that was already eating her up inside only got worse when Tyler died. She hated seeing her friends like that, seeing Taylor absolutely inconsolable for Tyler's state in the hospital, to see everybody else worried and shaking, she thought everybody blamed her, and even she blamed herself. To think that if she'd just taken a safer route, or driven a bit more carefully, or if she'd just listened to Taylor's pleas, none of this would've happened. She saw everything as her fault. If she had just been better, Tyler wouldn't have died.

Imagine how strong she must've been to be the one to get Tyler off that tree that night. To inject into him the sedative, having to use all her strength to stop herself from trembling in those moments— the slightest slip-up could compromise any chance they had of saving Tyler.

In the hospital, all she needed was comfort, which Aiden unexpectedly provided her. It wasn't meant as a romantic act, it was just basic human decency. A tap on the hand and the light squeeze of her palm was enough to break her. She never expected that of Aiden, and Aiden never expected that of himself. They only reacted like that because— well, what could you expect from two clueless teenagers? Their development is amazing excluding romantic interests, and they aged beautifully as characters.

Having to drag Aiden's limp body to safety at the school, after witnessing him die just after Tyler did— all under her care, that was already too much to bear. Seeing Aiden look like that just before waking back up to his seizing body, she was completely frozen. Overwhelmed. If she had just reacted faster, or had kept them closer, maybe she would've been able to save Aiden in time. But no. She fucked up, again, and the guilt she felt for it crushed her. If she had just been better, none of this would have happened.

She always felt responsible for their safety, and always blamed herself for things even she had no control over. She thought everybody expected the best of her at all times, and she'd be letting them down if she were to just cry or crumble where she stood. She's a character who'd choose to go back to the past and fix all her mistakes. The new her wouldn't have traded them for the world, and if she were given the chance to go back, she wouldn't even dare to change being friends with them, she'd just keep them even closer, and make sure none of those bad things happened again. She would do it all again if it meant they'd be safer.

[bay7let]

I hate that everyone just constantly forgets what Kai went through/the trauma he has.

People constantly forget that Kai literally raised Nya Of course hes going to be better at cooking, stealing, sewing and treating wounds, even just handling situations. He was 5 when his parents left. 5!! Nya was 3. Thats a baby taking care of his little sister. Kai may act like a child sometimes but that is quite literally because he never even had a childhood.

Speaking of people not talking about his trauma i dont think the other ninjas even really know? Like he offhandedly mentions it once or twice, but we literally never get to see him talk to someone about it and that hurts because that must have been hard.

And everyone constantly saying how selfish he is??? Like no he is not. My guy raised Nya then practically raised Lloyd as well (everyone did lol but i feel like Kai was most helpful/protective of him) Literally the only reason he became a ninja was because he needed to save Nya. And he was a bit selfish at times but it's mainly because he saw himself as a burden to the team because he thinks he isn't as useful as the other ninjas, plus part of his entire arc was him learning he didnt need to be selfish because he was just as good as the other ninjas. Selfish isn’t the word im looking for but im not sure what i am looking for lol. But that is one of the main reasons he wanted so bad to become the green ninja. He wanted to be validated because his entire life he was looking after Nya or helping others, putting others before himself. Becoming the green ninja would have validated all that he went through because he would finally be recognized for helping people.

Wu even says that Kai pays the price for Wu’s mistakes in season 11 (i think its episode 11 or 12 i don’t remember). Kai is constantly self sacrificing (or attempting to) to save others. (Except season 8 episode 10 when for some reason Kai doesnt want to give up his powers to save Lloyd? Which does not make sense because he was always the one to give up anything and everything to keep Lloyd safe, best shown in season 5) (while on the topic of weird character choices for Kai why did they make him suck at negotiating? Cause he was a blacksmith woth a shop he ran on his own, of course he is going to be good at negotiating. Unless customers were scamming him all the time)

I hate that people just straight up ignore his trauma, and make him out to be some dumb guy. Of course hes not going to be book smart because he literally did not go to school (did Nya even go for that matter?) but he was constantly finding ways for them to survive while he and Nya were on the streets. Hes not books smart but he is very street smart.

Sorry about the giant ass rant but i hate that his character get so misunderstood

[q8qwertyuiop8p]

Many of them did dislike Vander, the people who saw him as weak and left him for Silco, such as Sevika, were not at all powerful at the time. "Everyone else" is the people of the Lanes, which is just a small area in Zaun.

All Vander did to keep the enforcers out of the Lanes was try make a deal that he would keep his people away from topside. He was perfectly fine with his kids stealing, but when they stole from Piltover rather than their own people, that's when he suddenly drew the line.

Silco didn't submit to Piltover to keep out enforcers- he drove them out, using Marcus and his goons, to the point even the council knew the enforcers didn't want to venture there anymore.

I'm not sure what you mean younger zaunites we're more motivated, we see more younger Zaunites in act one because our characters are younger. In season two we see that the Zaunites are still very motivated despite what Silco did.

Vander spent around the same time as leader as Silco did, his mark isn't apparent because he did practically nothing to change the status quo.

Silco was not as much an exploitive tyrant as Piltover. Piltover did what they did for greed. Silco did what he did for independence. He was more than willing to give up shimmer, what he got his wealth and power from, as part of Jayce's deal.

I don't see how young kids stealing and nearly getting shot and killed by enforcers is so much better than young kids working in a factory. Considering a wealthy chembaron who loves her son very much had her kid work there I don't think the conditions were as bad as you are imagining.

The meeting hall is a disgusting display, and it isn't Silco's, but the chembarons who care only about money and power. Silco hated the chembaron's greed, hence the speech and reminding them where they came from.

I know what the mural depicts, all I said was that I believe it is a firelight mural. Though it's pretty ironic because Jinx is not bringing peace to Zaun at all, she is literally the one who started the war.

At the end of the day neither Silco nor Vander were totally great or totally bad leaders, they were too blinded by their traumas to make the best decisions. Either way, its not likely either of them are going to be so quickly forgotten.

"Wow Silco's not on that mural!" " Zaun really hated him!"

It's literally a firelight mural... of course they are going to paint Jinx with her "real" father because the firelights hated Silco and loved Vander.

But you know who the zaunites didn't like? Vander. Vander did absolutely nothing for them, he was enabling oppression, turning a blind eye to the enforcers and the suffering of Zaun, and they were absolutely sick of it. That's why Zaun turned its back on him and embraced Silco.

Silco was by no means a perfect leader either, he brought horrible suffering to the Zaunites himself, especially those who were most impoverished. But Silco also did a lot of good for the undercity. If it weren't for him, Zaun would not have shimmer to treat all sorts of ailments, to keep people alive long enough to recieve care and prosthetics. If it weren't for him, they would not have the shimmer they need to fuel devices like Sevika and Smeech's prosthetics. It is because of Silco that little Zaun has an army of shimmer beasts and weapons to fight for freedom and defend itself from the cat. Shimmer gave Zaun a new product that wasn't under Piltover's control with which it could strengthen its economy, and we see the industries of Zaun florish under Silco. As we see illustrated in the ending of episode one, it is only through shimmer and the sacrifice that comes with it that Zaun can turn the tables on its oppressor, and I don't think the Zaunites, especially Jinx, Sevika, an the others leading this fight, will forget so soon.

In the game Convergence, which takes place after Zaun's independence, we still see Silco's symbol plastered in the undercity. His symbol remains on the assembly building in the season two trailer. Silco even seems to have a cult-like following; the eye has a strange significance in Zaun, we see Zaunites making offerings of eyeballs to a turtle-like diety that is covered in jars of eyes and has Silco's symbol inscribed on its praying hands. The Zaunites know Sevika and Jinx were loyal to Silco. It would be in their best interest to paint Silco as a hero and his death a tragedy executed by Piltover.

Bonus: I don't understand why people make such a big deal over Silco employing children in the shimmer factory like he invented child labor or something. Child labor has been a thing in Zaun at least since Piltover has been oppressing it. Silco and Vander worked in dangerous conditions in the mines as children. Ekko worked for Benzo as a child. Vander's kids steal from people to make a living, they aren't doing much better. Silco didn't get rid of child labor but he did ensure the profit from it went towards the Undercity rather than the greedy hands of Piltover.

[cr4zy-cycl0n3]

Yo! I'm doing a Heroes of Olympus rewrite!

I'm not a huge fan of how some scenes go in canon and how the characters esp the gods are handled in Hoo, and after reading one too many rewrite/AU fics, I've decided fuck it, imma make my own.

I'm changing quite a few things, like:

- making Piper's memories not be tampered with and as a result be way closer to Leo (credit to Heroes of Juno by @queenjunothegreat for this idea!)

- MOTHERLY HERA/JUNO WHO PSEUDO-ADOPTS JASON FTW also parental Lupa but that'll be more apparent in a Jason prequel/sequel(depends on how I wanna format it) I’ll write after TLH is done

- slowburn valgrace instead of comphet jiper

- Leo and Piper QPR(+Jason when Piper stops being his #1 opp). Jasipereo ftw babyyy

- the whole series is just gonna have a good deal of focus on the Lost Trio. I'm not gonna shaft anyone ofc but my favorite punching bags characters are just gonna get extra love :3

- Jason's gonna be considerably more feral cuz CMON MAN WAS RAISED BY WOLVES(this is more prominent in the later books cuz in TLH he was alr feral, going at 2 giants with his BARE ASS HANDS)

- Jason has more bite cuz DAMMIT HE DESERVES TO BE ANGRY/BITTER AND CLAP BACK. HIS LIFE IS SHIT, LET MY BRO BE MAD

- more exploration into Jason's character cuz man was shafted so hard :(

- exploration of characters' powers in general, def buffing the Big Three kids to be as strong as Percy cuz holy cow he's OP. I love Percy and his OP-ness, but the other Big Three kids should be just as OP

- Zeus is the God of Justice, which we don't see much of in PJO's characterization of him, but Jupiter is Roman and hence is much more strict in the RRverse, so consequently I think his domain of law and order is more central to Jupiter than his greek counterpart, so I'd like to explore Jason having powers related to that and being an absolute powerhouse when it comes to debates and politics despite hating them

- characterizing the Gods differently from canon as I'm a Hellenist and writing them as they are in canon makes me like. Kinda uncomfortable. I will be using mythic literalism as that is what PJO/HoO's based on and I'm not rewriting the very foundations of the series, so they will still have committed the things they did in mythology, though I'm keeping them largely unaltered from the Og greek mythos and unsanitized as this isn't intended for a young audience like PJO is. Their behavior won't be exactly like their depictions in myths nor how they actually are irl, it's a mix of both(Ex: Zeus has still done heinous shit so he won't be as great as he is irl, but he isn't supremely petty and bitchy like he is in PJO.). This uhh. Will probably mean that PJO events would go differently which would influence HOO but if I think about that too much I'm gonna wanna do a PJO rewrite too and akbhdhd so just imagine that everything that goes on in PJO goes as canon (for now at least) for some reason or another.

- Octavian and Jason are were best friends cuz I said so. This change is inspired by To Storm and Fire(a Heroes of Olympus rewrite) which I am in LOVE with. The antagonistic side characters(like Drew and Octavian) got very little development or character exploration so l'm definitely giving them that in my rewrite!

- The Seven feel and are much closer together

- delving more into the sevens' trauma pre-camp, might also do a one/two shot for each of them. Jason’s a given cuz I’m writing a whole ass fic or even series dedicated to his past, Leo and Piper definitely, probably also Hazel and Annabeth, not sure on Percy and Frank cuz for Frank I’m def going into the trauma that comes with growing up in an Asian household but don’t have too many ideas on how to execute that, and for Percy I don’t have all that many ideas in general outside of the little we know in PJO(I used to think we knew a lot but honestly, we really don’t? Like we know Poseidon left, Sally had to work a lot, Gabe sucks, and he got kicked out of 6 six schools in 6 years and the reasons, but we don’t have any concrete details. There might be more in HoH, I haven’t read it yet so lmk if there is). Open to any ideas for this!

- camp is. Tense. It's been only a few months since the war, grief is still fresh, and Jason being tall, blonde, and blue-eyed with a scar ain't helping 💀 some people think Silena was a hero, others think she was a villain, some people sympathized with Luke, others despised him, there's a lotta differing views.

I have loads more ideas that I won't get into here cuz the post'll get way too long, but l'd love to hear what you guys think! What scenes/characterizations should I change? What topics would you like to see handled differently? What should I add? I'm open to any and all suggestions!

Currently outlining TLH, will start posting it on my ao3 once I have the first chapter and 4-5 buffer ones written so I'll prolly start posting it in a month or two? Idk, depends on my workload irl and if I get hit by writer’s block. Maybe less, maybe more, who knows. I'll be writing a bunch of shorter stories for specific moments, time between books, and namely a prequel/tih sequel focusing on Jason's past and who he was before Hera wiped his memory. Open to any suggestions for additional works too. Feel free to drop any questions and suggestions bout the rewrite here or in my ask box!

[venomwrites]

The second time CaitVi makes love

Warning: Spoilers for everything.

She stops responding to Vi. 

Every time she hears the name the voice fades into her sister screaming. One of the fancy doctors who come to examine her call it a trauma response. He says things like time and tries to hand her a bottle of white pills which she checks into the fireplace. It floods the room with acidic smoke that sets off one of the fancy alarms hidden everywhere. She can’t believe they were going to make her swallow those. 

Pilties can be so fucking weird. 

Everyone around her calls her Violet seamlessly. Thankfully they drop the ‘Miss’ just as quickly as the ‘Vi’. She’s not sure who she is anymore but ‘Miss Violet’ sounds like a cartoon character. Like one of the fancy ladies that come by in the first few days with armfuls of flowers and wish Caitlyn—and only Caitlyn—a speedy recovery. She hears one of them talk about how brave she is to have fought so many monsters. 

She doesn’t listen after that. 

When you stop using a muscle it atrophies. She blows out some part of her throat on that ledge. The less fancy doctors who triage her say she shouldn’t try to talk. She doesn’t. She has nothing to say. She knows if she opens her mouth she’s going to tell them—no beg them—to take her back to the ledge. To let her go the same way they went. Her entire life has been about getting back her family. She came so fucking close. All she had to do was fall with them and she couldn’t even manage that. 

“Good morning, Violet.” 

Caitlyn’s voice is soft when it pulls her. Everything, every fucking thing she’s willing to do, Caitlyn gets done. It makes her head spin. Care has always been a matter of money and resources. Usually when there are none. But Caitlyn doesn’t care. She would think it was because of money, but then she remembers this is the same woman who traded her one weapon for a potion to save her life. The money helps but she’s pretty sure this is just Caitlyn. 

Caitlyn’s a shadow in her peripheral for a long time. She’s so patient, so anticipatory, she can see why she’s a sniper. Caitlyn brings doctors to the house to examine whatever part of her she’ll allow. None of them push her to do anything. If they aren’t there one day, they are back the next and the day after. Until she pulls her shit together enough to let them poke at her shoulder or press a ball into her mangled fingers to build strength. 

She doesn’t know what that strength is for. 

She doesn’t know what’s changed today. But when Caitlyn greets her in the morning she manages to look up. Surprise makes Caitlyn’s eyes go wide. Or the eye she can see anyway. The corners her lips curl up but one looks normal. The other doesn’t go up as far. Before she can stop herself she’s on her feet. Caitlyn’s smile falls as she quickly steps forward as though to help and then stops herself. When she thinks about it, she can’t remember the last time anyone who wasn’t a doctor touched her. 

“You’re hurt,” she blurts out. 

Caitlyn’s stares at her in shock. Tears flood the eye she can see. Quickly Caitlyn turns around and mumbles something to herself. Some instruction she’s been given by one of the fancy doctors. They hover around here enough, though she never bothers with what they do when she ignores them long enough to get them to leave. 

“Yes,” Caitlyn says, plastering on a fake ass smile, “but I’m better now.”

“Liar,” she says and it really does fucking hurt to talk, “your eye.” 

“Gone,” Caitlyn says simply. Like she didn’t loose a fucking eye. How long did that take? It occurs to her that she has no idea what day it is. How long has it been since they fell? “I’m fine,” she says, “really. Would you like some tea?” 

When she first dragged Caitlyn home and tea was produced, she had no idea it was the solution to everything to the Kirammans. It appears after every doctors appointment, every nightmare. She can barely go to the bathroom without someone shoving a cup under her nose. 

She likes the dark ones the best. Even though sometimes they make her feel like crying. They smell like a fancier version of what Vander would drink on late nights. Fancier and stronger. Strong enough to make her shove her nose in the cup and inhale. Maybe if she breathes in hard enough she can will him back. 

The cup Caitlyn shoves at her isn’t that. It’s sharper and green. Caitlyn stares at her so she takes a sip. It’s familiar but she can’t place how. Caitlyn must have given it to her before. There’s something sweet in it that feels so good on her throat. She could care less about the taste when it seems to coat her throat like that. 

“Thanks,” she tries out and the word sounds something like her. Caitlyn inclines her head and lets out a shaky breath, “how long?”

“Four months,” Caitlyn says. 

It’s been four months. She went seven years without seeing her sister. Seven fucking years. But she had hope. There was a chance. It’s been four months and she will never see her again. Her stomach churns at the thought. Caitlyn is immediately there, one hand reaching for the fancy ottoman in front of her. Like she has no idea where it is even though this is her fucking house. 

“Was there—a memorial?” She asks. Did she miss it? 

“A public one,” Caitlyn says, “for the fallen. We thought we could do something for them when you’re ready.” 

Of course they weren’t included. Jinx helped but they didn’t save the world. And that thing that used to be Vander didn’t save anyone. But Jinx saved her. She sacrificed herself so she could live. She knows that counts for nothing compared to all the heroes out there, but the unfairness of it makes her chest twist. Caitlyn’s hand hovers for a moment before it settles on her shoulder. 

“Ekko took what he could find back,” Caitlyn continues, “he said to let him know when you were ready.” 

She’s never going to be ready. 

They are already on the wall. She is too. All five of them clustered together like it should be. But now they are gone and she is sitting here still breathing. Unable to even die right. She thought she was used to loneliness. She thought she even knew what it was to be hopeless. All of those were just light versions of the yawning hole in her chest. The only grounding thing is Caitlyn’s hand on her shoulder. 

Caitlyn is still here. 

She reaches out and Caitlyn immediately covers her hand, bringing it to her cheek. Caitlyn’s skin is smooth and warm and wet. Caintlyn’s been crying. She forces herself to take in the shadow under her eyes, the hollowness of her cheek. Caitlyn’s been worried and not taking care of herself. She wonders if it’s been worry about her. Given how relieved she looks, she thinks it might have been. 

“Sorry,” she says.

“Don’t apologize,” Caitlyn says, “for anything. Violet I’m so sorry.”

The words burn but she’s not a coward. Not in this moment. She cups the back of Caitlyn’s neck. Caitlyn leans forward and she tries to be gentle when she rests her forehead against hers. Caitlyn leans into the touch and lets out a shuddering breath. 

She was going to roll. Sister’s sacrifice be damned. She was. 

But Caitlyn. 

Caitlyn. 

“I couldn’t—“ she forces out.

“I know,” Caitlyn says, “Vi—“

The name slips out and burns across her skin. But it’s not her sister screaming it. It’s Caitlyn. Screaming and begging her to take her hand. To come back to her. To please, please come back. It would be so easy to roll over and fall. But she’s never done anything easy. So she lurches to her feet and staggers towards the sound of Caitlyn screaming. Their hands lock and Caitlyn pulls her back with a pained yell, right before the metal gives. 

Now she’s in Caitlyn’s arms and she doesn’t know how she’s supposed to reconcile that with wanting so badly to fall. 

“It hurts,” she forces out and Caitlyn makes a pained sound.

“I know,” she says. She does, “I know. It won’t always feel like this.” 

Caitlyn’s fingers dig into the base of her neck. When she matches Caitlyn’s next exhale, she realizes how tight they are. It’s several breaths before she can relax them at all. Four months. Four months and a lifetime more. She tells herself it’s another impossibly big goon. All she has to do is set her jaw and drive through. But driving through has always been for a purpose. If she’s strong enough, hits hard enough, she can get back to her family. 

But Caitlyn holds her there. 

And she lets her. 

She talks more, though not a lot. Most days she meets Caitlyn for all the meals. Some days they exist on tea and flat gold biscuits. One day the biscuits have chocolate on them. It’s creamier than any chocolate Vi has every tasted. She eats because if she doesn’t, they will get her nutrients through bags and tubes. But the chocolate explodes on her tongue and she reaches for another without thinking. 

“You’ve been holding out on me, Cupcake,” she says at Catilyn’s surprised face. 

“I have not!” Caitlyn objects, “I didn’t know you liked them.” 

It’s the most normal she’s felt in months. She can’t say she belongs here, but it feels damn close with Caitlyn looking indignant over her manners. The thought of doing something just to make her blush more crosses her mind. And for a moment, everything seems alright. Her mind doesn’t drag to the ledge immediately. To her sister staring up at her as she knocks out the gem. As she falls. 

Caitlyn’s thumb against her lip rips her attention back to the present. 

Their contact has been more frequent. To the point where stretches without brushing against Caitlyn’s hands or shoulders make her fingers twitch. But there’s been no contact like this. It catches her off guard and it seems to do the same with Caitlyn. Her eyes widen in surprise but when Caitlyn goes to pull he hand back, she catches her wrist and holds her hand there. Caitlyn doesn’t pull back.

She brushes her lips against Caitlyn’s hand. 

Caitlyn lets out a shuddering breath that stirs something in her. She tastes the chocolate from her lip that decorates Caitlyn’s thumb. Caitlyn’s fingers curl against her cheek, blunt nails against her skin. She remembers them digging into her back, clutching at her hair, clutching at her hand and screaming not to let go. To stay, stay with her. The screaming echoing in her ears makes her try to turn away but Caitlyn is suddenly on the same chair, her other hand on her cheek. 

“I keep hearing them,” she confesses, “I keep hearing you,” Caitlyn’s thumbs brush over her cheekbones, “I keep choosing--“ she forces her eyes open to look at Caitlyn, “it’s always you.” 

She doesn’t understand. All she ever wanted fell down that shaft. And every time, every time she thinks of Caitlyn. Thinks of all the blue haired soldiers she pulled off the field who made her heart seize. The ones who weren’t her but could have been. She thinks of how it would feel for Caitlyn to find her body at the bottom of the shaft. She thinks of the scream that always catches in her throat when Powder says she’s gone. She fell down a well. 

So she lets the scream out and stays on the ledge. 

“I don’t want to fall.”

“I won’t let you,” Caitlyn swears, her fingers sliding around her ears, cupping the back of her skull, “I won’t,” she says in the voice that moves mountains, “stay with me.” 

She nods against Caitlyn’s forehead. She is trying. Gods is she trying. Caitlyn is asking her to fight. Her partner is asking her to fight. Her will feels as atrophied as her muscles but she shoves at it with everything she can. She focuses on Caitlyn. Not the screaming one who pulls  her back. The one in front of her who has their foreheads pressed together so tightly she can feel the strap of her eyepatch digging into her skin. Who has given her the one thing she’s never had. A soft landing. 

She tastes tears on Caitlyn’s lips when she crushes their mouths together. Caitlyn gasps around her lips and she pulls the same breath into her lungs. It feels like the first breath she’s taken since the ledge. Maybe since the last time she kissed her. Caitlyn tries to follow but it’s only a moment before her lips turn greedy against hers. Something in her sings at Caitlyn doing something for herself after months. 

“Here,” she mutters into her skin. 

“Yes,” Caitlyn breathes. 

Her fingers hesitate at the patch straps. Caitlyn presses her fingers to it in silent permission, her other eye still closed. She guides it off carefully. There’s no eye left. Gold lines fan out around the skin. She brushes a finger against them and Caitlyn’s breath catches, her hips jerking. Silco’s mismatched eyes flutter though the back of her mind and she shoves the thought away. Instead she brushes her lips against the gold on Caitlyn’s skin.

“Vi,” Caitlyn moans her nickname into her ear and the thaw in her chest burns hotter. 

“Again,” she whispers against Caitlyn’s neck, half plea half demand. 

“Vi,” she repeats, “Vi, please.”

It feels like coming home. When Caitlyn’s under her like this, everything ceases to exist. Her world narrows until the only thing in it is the woman in front of her. Or underneath her. Nothing else matters. Only Caitlyn. It caries like a current. Like a promise. Everything has changed so much. She has changed. But that feeling still lives in her chest. Buried, frozen, but it is there. Caitlyn drags it to the surface with every sweep of her fingers and gasp of her name. She doesn’t know what this is, if this is love. If this has a name. 

She just knows right now it’s the only thing that makes sense. 

Later she inspects the new marks that litter Caitlyn’s body. The narrow line on her gut is the one that stands out. The others are mostly surgical but this one, this one is from a lethal shot. Someone wanted her to die slowly and painfully. Caitlyn has her own ledge. They all do. Caitlyn meets her questioning look as she thumbs the scar. 

“This before or after the eye?”

“Before,” Caitlyn says, “the eye was a—a calculated move.”

“It’s your fucking eye,” she points out. There’s a note of pride in Caitlyn’s voice. The kind of pride that comes with winning a battle, “that’s pretty badass, Cupcake,” she says. 

“I have a prosthetic,” Caitlyn says. She is still focusing on the gut wound, “if this makes you uncomfortable—“

“Why would it do that?” Caitlyn shrugs, “who said it makes them uncomfortable,” she asks, looking around as though the offending party might be in the room with them. 

“No-one,” Caitlyn assures her, pushing her fingers through her hair, “but you—“

“I don’t care,” she says. Caitlyn tilts her head, “I don’t fucking care,” she repeats, emphasizing the words like she did in the cell. She touches the gold lines, “what about these?”

“I needed to find you,” Caitlyn says. Like that makes sense. She blows out a breath and pushes herself up to her elbow, “I had Mel stop the bleeding.” 

When Caitlyn parts her eyelid the socket is laced with gold. She vaguely remembers the gold dressed counselor. Now with a lot more gold on her. She was there on the ledge. There during the fight. Gold light spills from her hands into a thousand different shapes. Caitlyn had her put that light in her eye. All so she could get to her. Caitlyn’s gives her a puzzled look. It’s been so long since she smiled but she feels her lips tug. 

“So you went from one tiny leg scar to getting your wounds magically cauterized to find me?” She says. 

Even though she’s naked under her, now Caitlyn goes cherry red. 

“Oh—“ Caitlyn starts. 

“That’s hot, Cupcake,” she cuts in. 

Caitlyn looks up at her and the burning thaw is back. It’s hot and it’s humbling. She’s spent her whole life chasing. Begging. Desperate for the ghosts to stay so things can go back to when they made sense. But everything keeps falling away. Except, except Caitlyn. Caitlyn shoves gold in her wounds and charges up stairs when she shouldn’t be walking. She’s seen Caitlyn climb. She sucked at it when she had two eyes. Several times she stopped and went pale at the manageable height. But none of that stopped her. She didn’t even know she was alive and Caitlyn did all of that on the chance she might be. 

“I think I was waiting for you,” she tries. Caitlyn drags her fingers through her hair. It feels nice, “no I was, I kept thinking of you finding me.”

“Thank you for waiting,” Caitlyn says. 

She thinks of the months it’s been. Of Caitlyn’s endless patience. Pulling her back time and time again. She thinks of the cell and Caitlyn’s smile. Not all the guards were needed back then but Caitlyn sent them away. For her. She’s always been the one to fight. It’s who she is. But for the first time it feels like she hasn’t been fighting alone. Like if her strength fails, the entire world isn’t going to fall away. 

For the first time, there’s someone to pick up the slack in the way she needs. 

“Can you get a message Ekko later?” She asks. Caitlyn’s fingers pause.

“Yes,” Caitlyn says, “it’s alright if you’re not ready.“

“I’m never going to be ready,” she admits, “but I need to,” she looks up at Caitlyn’s eye, “will you come with me?”

She knows it’s an ask. Despite the fragile whatever between them, Caitlyn spent so much time hunting her. But Jinx’s words echo in her ears. Be happy. Don’t worry about me. Even with everything her mind she saw that clearly. Salt stings her eyes. Even as she turns into Caitlyn’s skin and tries to ground herself, the gentle words echo in her head. 

Caitlyn’s warm pulls away momentarily. Only Caitlyn’s hand on her head keeps her from protesting. Then Caitlyn is behind her, folding herself around her. She’s safe and warm and home. Caitlyn slots their bodies together until there’s no space between them, even as she curls up. Caitlyn follows and bands her arms around her. 

“Of course I’ll be with you,” she swears, “stay here with me, Vi.”

So she folds her arms over Caitlyns and laces their fingers together.

And again she chooses to stay. 

[incorrectfatui]

okay, more HCs. This one is only Scara, so things might get a lil dark- I'm not normal about him. anywho: Scaramouche: -autistic. I am going to say this about every Harbinger, bc it's the truth. -most traumatized mfer in all of Teyvat. Seriously. someone give this guy a licensed therapist. -as Kabukimono, he's tried to eat several non edible items. This one is inspired by that one researcher who made up a story about him eating a humans arm. The image of little Scara munching on various dangerous items is so cute -related to the above: he still does it sometimes, to fuck with people. Dottore thinks its great. Pierro had to stop him from getting Kuni to eat a delusion. -Eyes (& markings) always glow at least slightly, even if he's not using his powers. Its not really noticeable in the day, but at night you can see it pretty well -hates Pantalone. Not bc he's jealous of him hanging out with Dottore or something (if anything, Pantalone gets jealous), but just because he is an ass. -Went to the Abyss again for a long time, just after Arlecchino became a Harbinger, and kind of forgot that Crucy was replaced. Came back and was like "who the FUCK- oh right". Why? because I think its funny -In general, has a better relationship with most of the female Harbingers than the male ones. -a little self indulgent, but I like to think that he was able to float a lil with electro as well. We see Raiden and Ei do it, and I think it'd be cute if he was able to as well, if to a lesser degree. -has used almost every element at some point, testing delusions with Dotty. Mostly bc I can't really imagine all those researchers just throwing 4 extra elements at shouki no kami and being like "figure it out" -speaking of delusions: I think he didn't use one. His electro is inert and I dont think he used another element. I see people headcanoning his delusion as Anemo, and I get it, but I don't like it all that much -SPEAKING of his electro being inert to his body- I refuse to believe he lost electro completely. The whole "oh he used up his divinity" is lazy. He can still connect to Irminsul, which he only learned while ascending, but he cant use electro anymore, something that he's had since birth? Bullshit. I understand him not using it, but I think it'd be more impactful if that was a voluntary choice. I'd really like to see him recover it over the course of the story -I think Youkai like him. Obviously this excludes Yae Miko, but I think as Kabukimono it wouldn't be strange to see him being followed by some Tanuki or the lesser Kitsune. I would really like to see him interact with the Youkai Children from that one Inazuma event, I think it'd be really cute. -I like seeing people write about him and Kujou Sara, both romantic, platonic and as enemies. The two of them are very similar in some aspects, and then radically different in others. I think it'd be really interesting to see Kujou Sara confronted with her own trauma being reflected onto Ei. I guess this is mostly because I just really like Sara and I want my favs to interact xD -more of a theory, but I think Pierro and Dottore, (will) remember him. He has a lot of foreshadowing in his voiceline about Pierro & Dotty, and other things. He's very clearly endgame/lore relevant, with his story not even being finished. -not a HC, but I wanted to mention it: I'm still stuck in Inversion of Genesis on my main account. I never played past it. I did the Fontaine and Natlan quests for friends/watched them online, but I'm still in IoG on my main, because I never fully decided on a name -last one bc character limit: I really like to imagine him interacting with Neuvilette. I think there could be a lot of interesting discussions had here- Neuvi would absolutely dissaprove of his attempt to overthrow Nahida, but at the same time I think he would, to some degree, understand his obsession with the gnosis. No, the gnosis/authority doesn't belong to Scara (or Ei, for that matter), but I think if you told Neuvi that Scara was quite literally created to hold it, he'd understand, to a degree.