#not even a big taylor swift fan but she was a whole mood out there

[misha-69innit]

fuck it, draws taylor at the vmas

[taurussbabe]

Bejeweled

a/n: posting two charles fics in one day? Who am I?😲😛 Hope you like it, this one was so much fun to write. Please request more song related fics 🙏

word count: 1.3k

You hated it. You hated how much control he had over your life. You hated how he would always leave after one fight and always blame you for his attitudes. You hated it all and you were done with it. This time, you had fought over how he forgot your birthday. He forgot it and still blamed it on him because you didn’t remind him, and after that, he left, not saying a word, and so did you. You decided you wouldn’t put up with him anymore, so you packet everything you had at his apartment, it was not much anyway, and left him, everything behind.

You also decided you wouldn’t spend your birthday alone, crying over a guy, so you silently thanked the universe because in that moment a friend texted you asking you if you wanted to go out. Not even thinking twice, you immediately said yes.

You searched your whole closet for the perfect dress, and you found it. It was perfect, short, but still decent, all sparkly. You friend had told she and some other friends would come pick you up, and so it was.

You got a call letting you know they were downstairs and headed out the door.

“Hi, happy birthday” you heard your friends chant practically at the same time.

You thanked everyone and got in the car. It wasn’t a big ride and the company was enjoyable, so you didn’t even realize when you got to the club they were bringing you to. It was one of the most luxurious clubs in Monaco, you honestly didn’t know how they’d manage to get in there, but you weren’t in the mood to question that anyway.

“oh my god, don’t freak out, but there are f1 drivers in here” you could hear one of your friends say. You didn’t pay much attention to it, you weren’t a big fan of f1 anyways, you didn’t even know who they were.

One of your friends suggested that you went dancing and that’s you all did. That was until you were thirsty so decided to head to the bar to get a drink. The bar was a bit far from the dance floor, which was good, because there was less noise.

“Tequila please” you asked the bartender

“what’s a lady so pretty doing drinking tequila alone?” you heard a man ask you. You turn around to tell him that it was none of his business, you really weren’t in the mood today, but his friend was quicker that you

“I’m sorry for my friend, he has had a bit to much to drink tonight” he apologized

“it’s okay” you simply answered, but there was something in his eyes, making it impossible form you to look away, until you realized that it was probably weird so you made the almost impossible decision to look away and instead stare at your drink

“I don’t mean to overstep, but are you okay?” he asked softly, taking the seat next to you, his friend long forgotten now, he had an accent, so you could tell, he was definitely not a native English speaker.

“Yeah, I’m fine” you answered softly as well “are you?”

“What?”

“Well, normally, someone who asks if someone is kay, want to be asked that” he let out a chuckle at your answer and you could swear your heart skipped a beat hearing the sound

“I am, but thank you for asking” he looked at you as you drank your tequila “Are you from here?”

“hm, no, I’m just studying here. What about you?”

“Born and raised” the stranger in front in front of you said

“Not to be intrusive, but do you got a man?” he asked

“I don’t” you replied and he smiled

“Good” he said

The conversation kept going for what felt like such short time, you even went back to the dance floor and danced together, but soon enough you found yourself realizing it was later than you thought

“It was nice meeting you stranger” you said but he softly pulls your arm before you could leave

“Look, I usually don’t do this, but do you think that you maybe want to, I don’t know, take this to my apartment, it’s totally okay if you don’t, just-”

“I would love to” you cut him off

You quickly texted your friends saying you were leaving so they wouldn’t be worried

.

You woke up in a bed that wasn’t yours, in a room that also wasn’t yours. You felt an arm draped around your waist and someone’s breathing on your neck.

Panick took over you until memories of last night came rushing back, after the club, you and the mysterious stranger had gone to his apartment

You looked under the duvet, silently praying that you had nay clothes on you, you hadn’t. you blamed alcohol because you would never do something like this normally, you reach for your phone, messages of happy birthday still unread popped up on the notifications.

Silently leaving the bed, you put on your clothes, leaving his room. You looked at the beautiful stranger still sleeping peacefully, and ‘damn, it’s hard to leave this sight’ you thought, but you had to

.

A few weeks had gone by, you were with your friend, who had dragged you to watch the Monaco grand prix, she had extra tickets and insisted you went. Your body might have been there but your mind was thinking about a certain Monegasque you couldn’t stop thinking about, you didn’t even know his name and you ere starting to regret your decision of leaving that room that morning.

“I swear I don’t know how you have access to the most private clubs and have grand prix tickets” one of your friends commented

“I have my ways” the girl answered which made you all laugh

“Who is that?” you asked pointing at the poster in front of you

“Really? I know you didn’t just ask that” one of your friends commented

“Why?”

“That’s Charles Leclerc, y/n, he is Monegasque, this is his home grand prix, Ferrari’s golden boy. How can you not know?” she spoke and realization washed over you, your mystery man was Charles Leclerc, a f1 driver, how did you not recognize him? Maybe because you don’t know any f1 drivers

You watched the whole race very carefully, always spotting his car. And watched as he went on podium from winning, according to your friends this was the first time he had managed to win his home grand prix. You noticed how his face changed when he looked at the people around and saw you, his face immediately showing confusedness. You turn around, not knowing what to do, you didn’t even know how he felt about you leaving in the morning. To him, you were probably just another one-night thing, he probably didn’t even mind you leaving that day.

Your friends had gone to the bathrooms but you didn’t need to, so you stayed outside

“Hey” you heard a voice from behind, the same Monegasque accent from the other night

You turned around to face him “Charles” you said softly, not even intending to do so

“See, now you know my name and I don’t know yours, I don’t think that’s fair”

You chuckle and extended a hand to him “Y/n”

“Very nice to formally meet you Y/n” he accepted your handshake but didn’t fully let go of your hand afterwards “Why did you left that morning?”

“I don’t know, I’m sorry, I was confused” you said apologetically

“I forgive you…If you accept to go on a date with me tonight?”

“Wait, you want to go out ?”

“Yes, I mean, if you want to” he scratched the back of his head “Y/n, you’re the only thing on my mind these last few weeks”

“Well, I’d love to” you said “And for the record, you’ve been on my mind the last weeks too”

A smile grew on his face “So, are you free tonight?” he asked

“Tonight? Shouldn’t you be celebrating you win tonight?”

“And what better way to celebrate? Can I have your number?” he asked reaching for his phone

“Yeah, sure”

One of his crew members called him and he softly kissed your cheek before leaving

Turns out, that was a birthday you would never forget

[writersdare]

All Too Well | Calum Hood

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (she/her)

Summary: It's the first time ever when Calum and Y/N didn't need to be apart, as they were going on tour together. However, things could never just be perfect, could they?

Warning: angst, fluff, a bit of cursing

Word Count: 1 725

Requested: yes

Author’s Note: This was the one I worked really hard to make it softer than it initially was. It'd say it's more of an angst story still, however, not too heavy, and there are sweet moments, too ♡ Inspired by Taylor Swift's short film "All Too Well". I hope you'll like it!

It almost felt like Christmas, when Y/N and Calum took a seat next to each other in the plane. It was the first time when the girl was going on tour with him, and both were very excited.

Cal was really glad they finally managed to go together, they didn’t need to be separated for so long again. 

Y/N could compare it with a miracle, truly. The last month was very stressful, as she had to do a lot at work before getting a remote project. At some point Y/N even doubted she was going to finish everything in time. However, there she was, holding a hand in Calum’s, while he was quietly sleeping on her shoulder. There was no need to be homesick, because Cal’s home was right next to him. And Y/N didn’t need to learn how to live alone again, because she was in the company of a loved one.

Sometimes “too perfect” could bring unexpected problems. It couldn’t all go smoothly. The musician wasn’t exactly a pessimist, but he always agreed with that way of Y/N’s thinking. 

However, Calum didn’t exactly expect his girl to blow up easily only because he didn’t pay much of attention to her after a concert. For Cal it wasn’t a big deal. Once they finished the performance, everyone went to have dinner in their dressing room, not being able to wait for any longer and go to some restaurant nearby. It was a usual evening, chatting with the bandmates and discussing how good the concert was. Y/N was happy that fans were welcoming and active during the whole show, and of course, she could share the joy of her boyfriend, but it still felt slightly uncomfortable. Even though they started dating a while ago, Y/N didn’t know Calum’s friends well. She surely didn’t mind him spending time with them, but the girl hoped for some little reassurance here and there; after all, it was the first time, when she went on tour. Few attempts to join the conversation were interrupted by her own boyfriend, and Y/N’s mood went down completely. Yet, she stayed polite and kept smiling lightly, ignoring unpleasant feelings inside. The girl didn’t ask for much, she only hoped Cal would stop making her feel that dumb, would stop as if reminding her that she didn’t belong there. As if she wasn’t there at all, even when Y/N tried to touch Calum’s palm. She wasn’t begging for attention, the girl only thought that as she came with him, they’d spend more time together. Wasn’t it the point? All of sudden Y/N felt like a mannequin which Cal would look at only when he needed it. 

“You just walked in the room and behaved as if I wasn’t there!”

Y/N tried. She really tired. The girl promised herself she wouldn’t make a scene, she wouldn’t argue, because it was a very wrong place and time. However, Calum brought up the topic himself, saying she was “hell annoying” and looked “weirdly upset.”

“I was fucking tired! Exhausted, Y/N! I didn’t mean anything, I was just hanging out with my friends!” Cal blew up immediately, although by nature he was pretty calm. “I’d look at you if you’d jump around, sing for few hours, Y/N. Would you have powers for anything else after it?” the guy run a hand through his hair and sighed heavily, apparently analysing what he had just said.

Calum used to say he valued words a lot, the musician hated when people would tell things they didn’t actually mean. He never rushed up to answer on the interviews; Cal liked to think first, before saying anything, completely anything. Perhaps, that’s why sudden accusations shocked Y/N that much. If he said it, he probably really meant it, and that was quite upsetting. The girl never even dared to think that Calum wasn’t a hard worker or that his job wasn’t difficult. Of course, it was, and she knew it very well. That’s why Y/N was always there, supporting him no matter what. And yet, she couldn’t get the connection between him acting like a moron during the dinner and blaming her for saying he wasn’t tired. She never even said it.

“You know what? Back off," after a short pause Y/N realised that she was too overwhelmed to continue arguing. These past days were rather exhausting, the trip, so far, was very stressful as there were too many unknown faces, and Cal’s words didn’t exactly make the girl feel any better.

“Y/N…”

“No, Cal, you’re right," she nodded, being dangerously calm.

The girl grabbed a bag and threw a phone in there. Y/N wasn’t going to leave, it’d be too immature of her, but she desperately needed fresh air and time alone at that moment. Lately it was getting harder to breathe, and she finally admitted that she was simply choking. Being busy with tour and job issues the girl didn’t have time to check on herself. For some reason, Calum didn’t see it either, apparently, he was busy working, as well. She knew how it could be, so the girl wasn’t blaming him. At times Cal couldn’t take care even of himself. 

"How would I know? You’re the only one who works hard," Y/N snapped, regretting she took that hell of a project at first place just to be closer to Cal. What for? Surely, emotions were speaking at that moment, and sometimes it was very hard to gain control of them. Suddenly nothing was working anymore, their relationship included.

“I didn’t mean it this way," Calum’s voice became small, too. He gently touched the girl’s wrist with his fingers, and felt a little relief, as Y/N didn’t attempt to break the touch. However, her eyes didn’t give him any hope.

“No, you did.”

“No, I didn’t," he hurried up to deny. "Look, I’m just stressed, I swear I…" her hand slipped through his fingers, and Y/N headed to the exit of the dressing room. "I know you’re… Y/N, c’mon! Don’t do this right now!" Cal outraged. "We’re trying to talk, and you’re running away again!"

"It’s you, who is trying to talk, Calum!" the girl turned around quickly, hoping her body wouldn't betray, and salty tears wouldn’t flow down the cheeks. "You can’t even understand me! I worked as hard as you to get here at first place! I don’t mind you hang out with friends and have a rest after the concerts, but since the day one of the tour you’ve never asked how I was feeling! I don’t even know these people! They are total strangers to me," she finally broke in tears. Cal didn’t dare to touch her and only watched from the distance. "And this evening I only asked for a small reassurance, I wanted to feel that you’re here with me, because I don’t feel damn comfortable here, I need time! And now you make me feel like a total dickhead for asking that, because you are damn tired, because you had a show to perform! Maybe it was a bad idea to come with you at first place. It could have been totally different," she shook the head and looked down, wiping the tears with her fingers quickly.

A storm was attacking inside, Cal wanted to say a lot, but words got stuck in his throat.

"I had no idea," he finally mumbled, feeling rather ashamed. "This tour… is really important to me," the musician continued, even though everything didn’t seem to have any sense once he spoke it out loud. "I was too focused on work, but it doesn’t mean I forgot about you, Y/N," Cal made a step forward and reached out to her uncertainly. The fingertips didn’t touch hers, he was waiting for the girl to do it instead, if she wanted to. Or waiting to give him a sign that he was allowed to.

The girl closed the eyes for a moment and shook the head negatively. She touched a handle of the bag to avoid Calum’s sudden affection. 

"I know it’s hard for both of us," she spoke up quietly. "But we need to learn how to understand each other, and I’m tired of being the only one who is trying to do that. Relationships don’t work this way."

"I know. I fucking know," he lost it, made a step forward and squeezed Y/N in his arms, resting a head on her shoulder. For that Cal had to bend down a little, but it was worth it. "I’m sorry."

A heavy sigh left Y/N’s lips. She looked up on the ceiling, hoping to stop herself from crying again. Just some time ago Calum was behaving like a sick superstar, and now he was asking for forgiveness. Why was it always like a seesaw with him? And why did she still love him?

The girl closed the eyes and tilted her head to touch the top of his with a tip of a nose. Cal smelled with berries – a shampoo she bought him few days before the very first tour. Since that time she was always doing it, and Calum was always taking the black jar with blueberries on the cover with him. Funny, that smell reminded him of her. And to Y/N that smell reminded her of them. Them, being together, happy, in love.

"I love you," she whispered, feeling that sudden wave of affection after a long day and bitter argument that left a small but still a wound on the heart.

"I love you more," he whispered back and hid the face in a crotch of her neck, leaving then a short kiss on her skin. 

The touch was too familiar to give up on everything they went through. Calum knew he needed to keep in mind that the tour was going to be be different, as his girl was there. He needed to give Y/N time, as it wasn’t normal for her as for him, who has been performing since a young age.

"I know I didn’t give you the best tour experience so far," Cal whispered in her ear after a long silence. "But, please, let me try again."

taglist: @dgrangaa, @gracieboogirl

– gifs aren’t mine and belong to the rightful owner, found the 1st one here @uservalentine & the 2nd one here @carriedawayfromhome –

© writersdare | all rights reserved

All stories are original and written by me. Do not copy, trace and post anywhere without permission and credit. The stories are fictional, they do not correspond to reality and written just for fun ♡

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

[denimbex1986]

'Since only recently opting to have a new host each year, the BAFTA Film Awards have had various big names on master of ceremonies duties including Joanna Lumley, Graham Norton, Rebel Wilson and Richard E. Grant. While all popular figures, none managed to get the public reaction of this year’s host: David Tennant.

According to sources at the British Academy, the announcement that David Tennant would be overseeing the U.K.’s biggest night for film on Feb. 18 was met with an overwhelmingly positive response that even they weren’t expecting. Whatever the “Doctor Who” legend’s fanbase may be called (even he says he’s not sure and is “open to suggestions”), they certainly took the news well, and he says he’s “grateful for anyone who thinks it’s a good idea.” But he admits that he’s still somewhat “bewildered” by BAFTA’s decision.

Speaking to Variety ahead of the ceremony, Tennant discusses keeping things friendly on stage, how the interest in what he’s going to wear has matched the excitement about his first “Doctor Who” outfit and why he won’t be aiming any jokes at the biggest name in pop (whether she’s in the room or not).

Are you excited about hosting the BAFTAs?

I am! But I’m a bit bewildered. I don’t know what to expect, if I’m honest with you. The whole thing just feels like one of those experiences you say “yes” to because it would be churlish not to. But what an amazing thing to be asked to do. What a privilege.

What’s your approach going to be when it comes to hosting? Warm and cuddly, nice with a little bit of snark or all-out Ricky Gervais?

I think the BAFTA mood is supportive and friendly. Ricky Gervais is brilliant at what he does, but that wouldn’t be my style. I don’t think I’ve quite got that sort of approach, so I think you just have to kind of be who you are, really. But we’ve got some good material that won’t leave anyone feeling got at.

I imagine you’ve been to a few in your time, but do you enjoy awards ceremonies?

On one level, they’re dazzling and exciting and giddy-making and then the other version is rather dull and rather repetitive. So it’s about trying to edge toward the former rather than the latter. But there are some fantastic films in the running. It’s a competitive year. So I think that will give the awards company itself a bit of pep, because I think it’s quite unpredictable. Very often, by the time you get to this stage of awards season, you kind of know who’s going to win what. But I when I look at the categories, I can’t actually guess many of them. I think they’re all quite wide open. And there’s a lot of incredibly talented people doing incredibly remarkable things in each category. So I think that, more than anything else, actually is the engine to a good awards show.

At the recent Golden Globes ceremony, one of the main talking points from the evening was how host Jo Koy bombed on stage. Did this spark any fear of jokes falling flat or you being met with a silent room?

Not being a comic I feel gives me slight cover. I’m not really expected to be good at any of that stuff. I’m just there to hold it all together. And don’t diss Tay Tay, I think is the lesson to be learned. I live in a house of Taylor Swift fans, so I know better.

The BAFTA stage has often been used as a platform to let off a bit of comic steam about some of the issues of the day, especially politics. Are you going to be using this opportunity to raise any thoughts about the government or current affairs or Scottish independence?

I think it will probably focus on the evening. There’s so much going on in the world that one could talk about. But think it would be probably a hostage to fortune to try and use that platform. Obviously, we live in a world where there’s all sorts of awful things going on and we’re all deeply moved by it. But probably the purpose of an award show at this moment in time is to have a moment away from all that.

Have you managed to watch all of the nominated films?

I made a decision very early on that as the host, I had to remain entirely neutral and not pass comment on any of the films. I’m not talking about any of this. I’m removing myself from it. I don’t want it to look like there’s any sort of favoritism going on. So that’s has been my policy, which I’m going to continue very vigilantly until after the awards show. And then I will post all my opinions about who was robbed.

Yes, you have to be the living embodiment of neutrality on stage.

Exactly. I have to be Switzerland.

Have you settled on an outfit for the evening? Have you got a glam squad and team of stylists hard at work?

I don’t think I’ve ever been in a world where people aren’t quite so interested in what I’m going to be wearing. Maybe when I had to reveal my “Doctor Who” outfit for the first time, that probably had a similar level of interest.'

[jelenamasterpost]

2012

INDEX: purple font signifies importance, whether that be a specific date, quote, etc - I will later release a full index of all important dates and information combing each year of the Jelena timeline, but in the meantime, purple font signifies key information in their story to later come back to.

January 1st:

Selena celebrated NYE by Justin's side at his private party at the Glass House in NYC following his performance on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve:

"He...danced with Selena, showing off, picking her up and swinging her around like it was Dancing With the Stars," a source tells E!

*E! article here (x)

January 2nd:

Selena tweets (a now deleted) photo she posted to her instagram of Justin with a big smile captioned:

“This smile is because of Carly Rae Jepsen.. We have not stopped listening to your song girl!” in response to CRJ’s single “Call Me Maybe”

*tweet here (x)

January 3rd:

Selena was spotted getting gas and McDonalds on way to Justin’s house

*photos here (x)

January 4th:

Justin, Selena, Taylor Swift, JoJo and Francia attend The Laugh Factory in Los Angeles

*photos / article here (x) (x)

January 6th:

Justin and Selena are photographed in Los Cabos, Mexico

*photos here (x)

January 7th:

Photos of Justin and Selena in Los Cabos, Mexico

*photos here (x)

January 9th:

Justin adds photo of him and Selena in Los Cabos, Mexico to instagram captioned:

“2 much fun”

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber)

January 10th:

Selena and Justin are photographed arriving at a restaurant together in Hollywood, California

*full article / photos here (x)

January 13th:

Selena and Justin are spotted by fans while walking with Baylor in Balboa Park, California

*full article / photos here (x)

January 14th:

Selena and Justin are spotted and photographed grocery shopping together with some family members in Encino, CA

*photos here (x)

January 15th:

Selena and Justin are photographed arriving at a friends house for Football Sunday

*full article / photos here (x)

January 16th:

Justin and Selena drive to Disney Land and were spotted walking on streets of Anaheim

*photos here (x)

January 17th:

Justin and Selena attend Disneyland together and are spotted kissing - they also run into Selena’s on-screen mom, actress Maria Canals Barrera, who tweeted a photo of herself with Selena and Justin writing “You never know who you’ll bump into at Disney Land.”

*full article / photos here (x) (x) (x)

January 22nd:

Selena continues her We Own The Night World Tour for the final South American leg of the tour this evening in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

The tour runs through January 22nd-February 11th

Fans spot both Selena and Justin in San Juan and take fan photos with the couple - Alfredo later confirms Justin was indeed in Puerto Rico but that they were flying back to LA the following day

Alfredo Flores:

"Went to dinner tonight in Puerto Rico. Justin ended up eating fish… I wanted him to try something Puerto Rican but he really wanted fish.. LOL what a waste of trying. Selena had a great show though and it was awesome seeing all the fans at the arena. I met so many of you and it was so much fun. Last day tomorrow and then we have to fly back to LA. Enjoying my last moments tomorrow. Te Amo."

*photos here (x) / Wikipedia tour dates (x)

February 2nd:

Selena covers the March issue of Cosmo and mentions Justin a few times in her interview

Talking about Justin:

“I’m just like every 19-year-old girl. If you’re in love, you’re in love to the fullest, and you just want to go to the movies, hang out, and be as normal as possible. I’m fortunate that I’ve found someone who has that philosophy … [Love] is the most powerful thing. When it comes to my family, friends, a relationship … it centers me. You only live once, and I want to be proud of everything that I do and just have fun. I want to be able to say that I had a really fulfilled, fun life.”

Talking about Nick, an ex:

“I was in a relationship previously where I had to hide everything and it wasn’t my choice. I had to go through different exits and take separate cars and do the craziest things, and it just really wasn’t worth it. It was like a year of my life completely wasted.”

February 11th:

Selena officially finishes her We Own The Night World Tour as she performs her final show of her South American leg in Montevideo, Uruguay

She also announced via her official Facebook that her and her band Selena Gomez & The Scene would be taking a prolonged hiatus as she will focusing primarily on acting this year:

This tour has been amazing, Thank you all for all the love and support you have shown me on this tour. Today is the last show but.... I will be back. Love you all.

Just to clear up my last instagram post, my band and I are going our separate ways for a while. This year is all about films and acting and I want my band to play music wherever with whoever. We will be back but, it will be a good while. I love them and I love you guys

*Facebook status here (x)

February 12th:

Justin is photographed picking up Selena from LaGuardia Airport in New York, who just finished her South American tour the night prior

They're later photographed together shopping in H&M and again that evening getting dinner at Thai Bistro in Manhattan posing for fan photos

*photos here (x) / here (x) / and here (x)

February 13th:

Justin and Selena are seen arriving at their New York City hotel on the eve of Valentines Day.

Justin gifted Selena a diamond ring for Valentines Day with the letter "J" on it - she uploaded a photo of her hand and the ring to Instagram with the caption:

"I'm finally home :)"

*E! article / photo of ring here (x)

February 14th:

Justin and Selena spend part of their Valentines Day at Disneyland with his whole family and were photographed carrying around his younger siblings.

*full article / photos here (x)

February 15th:

Justin and Selena are spotted at iHop and Chuck E Cheese in Encino, California

*photos here (x) / and here (x)

February 17th:

Justin and Selena were spotted/filmed while out shopping at The Beverly Centre

Justin and Selena later took to the Malibu oceanfront with his younger siblings and were photographed

*beach photos here (x) beverly centre here footage here (x)

February 18th:

Justin and Selena were photographed out as they took his younger siblings, Jaxon and Jazmyn, for a trip to Japanese spot Benihana in Los Angeles.

Stuart Montalvo, general manager of the restaurant, tells HollywoodLife.com:

“Justin and Selena were here this past Saturday with a group of people. They are really nice and polite. They come here quite often and usually order the same thing: Rocky’s Choice, which is Hibachi steak and chicken breast. Justin’s younger brother and sister were also with them. It was a family affair. Everyone was in a great mood and laughing and having fun. Justin and Selena were very affectionate. They were holding hands when they walked in and when they left. They looked like they are very fond of each other.”

Justin and Selena recruit their friend Ashley Tisdale and crew (including Ashley's boyfriend Martin Johnson from Boys Like Girls, Sammy Droke, Mateo Arias, Logan Henderson, Kendall Schmidt and Carlos Pena) to film themselves lip-synching and dancing to Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe in a home-made video

*photos earlier that day here (x)

February 19th:

Taylor Swift films "dance challenge" with Zac Efron on behalf of Ellen's dare at the premiere of The Lorax, and includes footage from the same day of the premiere dancing up on Justin in the studio and Selena at the event

*full article here (x) (x) *full video here (x)

February 22nd:

Justin and Selena went to UNDER THE GUN tattoo parlor in Hollywood to get Selena her first tattoo. Jordan Sandoval tweeted a picture of Selena and Louie, the tattoo artist who tattooed her.

(he is quoted saying its a heart, but its actually a music symbol and has been long speculated to actually be a disguised "J")

“She got a little heart tattoo at Under The Gun, in Hollywood by Louie Gomez @selenagomez.”

Carly Rae Jepsen and Justin hang out in the studio, upload a photo together and announce they've recorded a song via Twitter

Carly's Tweet:

I finally got to say thank you in person. Ps @/kukharrell @/justinbieber and I may have worked on a little song tonight.

Justin's Tweet:

my first impression of @/carlyraejepsen - kind, talented, and the real deal. this is going to be fun. welcome to the team.

*tattoo parlour photos here (x)

February 23rd:

Justin and Selena are photographed as they stop at The Commons at Calabasas in Calabasas, California - they later stopped for coffee at Starbucks and frozen yogurt at Menchie’s with their entourage, and Justin debuts his dyed brunette hair.

*full article / photos here (x)

February 25th:

Justin and Selena are photographed having lunch together at Sushi Den then again as they head into the Sherman Oaks Galleria to catch an afternoon movie together in Sherman Oaks, Calif.

Justin adds a photo of him and Selena to his Instagram

Later that evening while grabbing dinner they met Richard Reid in an elevator and stopped to pose for a photo with him that Richard ended up posting to his Twitter - after being flooded with questions from Justin fans, he began answering a few, revealing publicly via Twitter that there was boob grabbing (?)

*photos from earlier in the day here (x) Richard Reid photo here (x) Richard Reid tweet here (x)

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A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber)

February 26th:

Justin and Selena are photographed by fans renting movies at a Hollywood Blockbuster

Selena speaks to Access Hollywood about her new diamond studded ring in the shape of a "J" from Justin and whether or not its an engagement ring. When asked to show off the jewelry, she suddenly came down with a sudden case of stage fright:

“No, no — that’s like almost a friendship ring, it’s just for fun.”

“No! You’ll see it in pictures!”

“I get nervous.” she added with a laugh.

*blockbuster photos here (x) / AccessHollywood article here (x)

February 27th:

Selena officially begins filming Spring Breakers in St. Petersburg Florida alongside Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson

February 29th:

Justin films his appearance for The Ellen DeGeneres Show (that airs the following day) to reveal that the first single from his upcoming album, Believe, was called Boyfriend and would be released March 26th - while filming, he's surprised and gifted an electric car from his manager Scooter Braun for his birthday

*full article here (x)

March 1st:

Selena adds photo to instgram for Justin’s birthday captioned:

Happy birthday to my best friend in the whole world!!! Have a great birthday baby!

March 2nd:

Selena is photographed leaving a medical clinic after getting bloodwork while still in St. Petersburg Florida

She's later seen arriving into LAX, having flown in for Justin's birthday party

Justin’s birthday party is this evening and Carly Rae Jepsen performs - Selena, their mutual agent Nick Styne, Jaden Smith, Ashley Tisdale, Ryan Good, Tori Kelly, Alfredo, Ashley Cook and Samantha Droke are also in attendance

*Medical Clinic article here (x) / DailyMail article here (x) / JustJared photos (x)

March 5th:

Its been reported that Justin is buying a $10.8million property in the Hollywood Hills to set up for himself and Selena

*DailyMail article here (x)

March 11th:

Justin flies down to Florida and takes Selena, Ashley Benson and her boyfriend Ryan Good, Justin's mom and his grandparents for a fishing trip excursion.

They are later spotted by fans at Gratzzi Italian Grille and Cracker Barrel before ending up back at their hotel.

Justin tweeted:

"great day fishing. time with grandpa doing the simple things in life. great day."

"Show the ones you love you love them. Take the time to make sure they know,"

*DailyMail article here (x) more photos here (x)

March 12th:

Justin visits Selena on the set of Spring Breakers

Later that evening, they meet up for dinner and drinks at a sports bar with Ashley Benson and Ryan Good in St. Petersburg Florida and have their first public fight - shortly after arriving Justin stormed out of the bar, followed by Selena chasing after him to their car.

“Justin’s security team drove the battling couple down the street to an alley where they had a ‘private conversation.’ After settling their dispute, they went back to the bar and continued boozing it up. By the time they left it was clear that the underage couple appeared to have had too much alcohol to drink.”

They were later photographed leaving the restaurant seeming to have made amends, but were reported to have been intoxicated.

*full article detailing fight here (x) *justin visiting set photos here (x)

March 13th:

Justin is photographed arriving back into LAX from Florida

March 15th:

Selena, Justin and her family are photographed leaving Cedars Sinai Medical Office Towers in Los Angeles California - Selena had a bandage around her arm where it looked like she had blood taken.

Upon getting in the car, Justin laid down in the seat so he wouldn't be seen by the camera.

*full article here (x)

March 16th:

Justin is photographed at Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre waiting outside in his vehicle and allegedly is there with Selena - she was also there the day before getting blood work

*full article / photos here (x)

March 26th:

Justin does a radio interview with Ryan Seacrest on KIIS-FM explained how he tries to stay busy while Selena is away filming her movie:

“I work all day, it keeps me occupied.”

March 30th:

Justin sits down with Complex and talks about Selena and growing up in the game:

Complex: Obviously, you and Selena are fodder for the gossip blogs everyday. How hard is it to keep your relationship private?

JB: It’s so hard, because everyone’s got a camera-phone, and now everyone wants to get their picture on the blogs. So they’ll send anything that they have to the blogs. So you don’t really get any privacy. If I want to go out to eat, if I’m in L.A., I just have to expect that there’s going to be someone there. That’s the only thing that I don’t like.

Complex: Is it tough for you guys? A lot of people like, hate it. Do you guys hate it, or is it like, “This comes with the territory, we’ve got to deal with it, it sucks?”

JB: I’m kind of both. I don’t like it, but I understand it. I’ll be covering my face or something, and the comment that pisses me off so much is, “Oh, get over it, Justin. You’re famous. People are going to take your picture. Just suck it up. You’re rich. You’re making a lot of money. Suck it up. This is one of the things that you have to do.” I’m like, “Yo I just got off an eight-hour flight. I’m tired. My eyes have bags under them. I’m not trying to take pictures.” I’m not going to come to your house, wake you up out of a deep sleep and start snapping your picture, no matter how you look right now. It doesn’t matter. When I get off a flight, I’m not trying to sit there and let them take pictures of me. I’m tired. I’m scratching my eyes. I just don’t like taking pictures in general.

Complex: There’s been high profile couples in history: Justin and Britney, Jay and Beyoncé. Jay and Beyoncé kind of kept it private. Everyone knew they were together, but they kept it quiet. Even with the kid, they kept it so under wraps. Do you learn anything from those relationships? And do you guys talk about that?

JB: Yeah. I mean, for me, it’s like, there’s no way to hide it completely, because then it would be unfair for us. Then, we’re not even able to have a relationship. It’s like, “You take this car, and I’ll take this car, and then we’ll meet up at the spot. Then, you go in this door, I’ll go in this door. We’ll end up crossing ways. You get back in this car. We’ll cross over, do a James Bond. You go through the kitchen. I’ll go through the back area. Then we’ll meet in the dressing room and see each other.” At that point, it’s like, it’s not even a relationship. You’re just hiding from everyone. That’s unfair and unhealthy, man.

*full Complex article here (x)

March 31st:

Justin and Selena both attend The Kids Choice Awards though walk the red carpet separately - Justin gets slimed during the ceremony and they both win awards

(note to self: Selena seems a bit high during interviews backstage)

April 4th:

Selena and Justin are photographed having a Subway picnic overlooking the city at Griffith Park in Los Angeles.

*full article / photos here (x)

April 5th:

Justin and Selena held hands as they headed to Panera Bread for lunch in Glendale, California

*DailyMail article / photos here (x)

April 6th:

Justin and Selena were photographed getting food at the Chick-fil-A drive-thru

*full article / photos here (x)

April 7th:

Justin and Selena were spotted by fans at a grocery store and posed for photos

*photos here (x)

April 9th:

Justin, Selena and Alfredo are spotted/photographed by fans while going to watch American Reunions in theatres

*photos here (x)

April 11th:

Seventeen Magazine releases their May issue with Justin on the cover and ask about Selena during his interview:

Seventeen: Everyone is so interested in your personal life, especially your relationship with Selena. A lot of your fans don’t approve…

Justin: Everyone has haters, so you always have to deal with the negativity and be positive about it. I don’t think it’s nice; I’d rather they be nice, but at the end of the day I don’t let it affect me.

Seventeen: You’ve planned some amazing dates for Selena - who taught you to be so romantic?

Justin: I’m just trying to make her happy, that’s all. I think it’s important to make all woman feel like they’re princesses because every girl is a princess, I’m serious.

Seventeen: Will.I.am said he thinks it’s important for people to experience heartbreak so they’ll have something to sing about. What do you think?

Justin: I haven’t gone through it so I don’t really know what it’s about. I don’t think anyone wants to have heartbreak. I haven’t been in that deep a place yet, but I’m still looking. I’m still learning every day.

Seventeen: Would you and Selena ever record music together?

Justin: Yeah. I love her music, so maybe we could collaborate.

*full article here (x)

April 12:

Justin, Selena and Alfredo are photographed snowboarding at Big Bear Ski Resort in Big Bear Lake, California

*photos here (x)

April 14th:

Justin and Selena go to Jupiter, Florida for the weekend to celebrate the wedding of one of Justin’s friends and check into The Inn at Admiral’s Cove

They later attend Allison Kaye's wedding

*full article here (x)

April 17th:

Justin and Selena attend Lakers game together after both separately appearing on DWTS and American Idol, and publicly share an intimate kiss when put on the spot via the events Kiss Cam

April 19th:

During an interview with The Insider to promote her new perfume line, Selena is put to the test to correctly guess Justin's perfume through a sniff-test:

"The Insider's Brooke Anderson lined up three unlabeled fragrances for Selena, which included Justin's Someday perfume, challenging her to pick out his scent from the trio.

"I'm such a bad girlfriend," Selena sheepishly muttered when she confused Someday for Paris.

Selena revealed that Justin is impressed with her concoction and went on to explain why his opinion carried so much weight when she was creating the scent for her perfume, not only as a fellow perfumer, but also as a guy, citing "romantic" reasons."

*full video here (x)

April 20th:

Selena debuts a new additional music video for Hit The Lights

Selena appears on On Air with Ryan Seacrest and opens up about her Kiss Cam at the Lakers game earlier this week, and Justin’s upcoming debut with Taylor Swift.

Asked about the Kiss Cam, Selena called it "the most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to me, probably."

“They were showing these little elderly couples, and it was so cute. Then all of a sudden we’re both looking up and we come on the screen and it’s like … it was so awkward. It was so weird. I mean you have to kiss, right?”

"They wrote a song together and it’s beautiful - it’s amazing - I don’t know if it will make the album, but if not I’m sure they’ll release it at some point, because it’s a really great record. It’s kind of like … it’s Taylor and Justin combined. So it’s a little bit of an upbeat song, but it’s very acoustic.”

*full video interview here (x) / *full RadarOnline article here (x)

April 21st:

Selena visits Justin on set for his music video “Boyfriend” and the two are photographed hugging/kissing/being affectionate

*full article / photos here (x)

April 27th:

UsWeekly releases a special edition of their magazine featuring Justin and exclusive photos/interviews titled Inside My World: Justin Bieber. He's questioned about Selena during his interview and mentions recently gifting her a diamond bracelet:

UsWeekly: At least you get quality time with Selena. What do you love about her?

Justin: I dunno! She just carries herself in a very elegant way. And my family loves her, which is usually hard because my mom’s really picky. My mom wants, you know, a good Christian girl with good manners.

UsWeekly: Do you understand girls better now?

Justin: Well, every girl is different, so they are hard to figure out. Like, the way most men work is the same. But each woman works differently. It’s like I can’t figure them out! But I do know girls like you to tell them you love them and that they’re all beautiful all the time. So I do that a lot with any girl I’m with. I tell them that as much as possible.

UsWeekly: Most romantic gift you’ve ever given?

Justin: I’m not saying to who- but I gave a girl an expensive diamond bracelet recently. It was so pretty, I knew she’d love it!

UsWeekly: Would you and Selena ever do a duet?Yeah. I think she’s very talented.

Justin: That would be very cool. We have nothing planned- but I’m not opposed to it!

*full interview here (x)

May 16th:

Justin featured in GQ magazine/interview:

"I keep my guard up a lot," the singer says in the latest issue of GQ.

"Because you know, you can’t trust anyone in this business. That’s what’s sad. You can’t trust anybody. I learned the hard way.”

May 18th:

The Hollywood Gossip reports that Justin and Selena may have broken up after Justin cryptically tweets/deletes:

“thank u for the time i had with you but i have to move on now..”

*full article here (x)

May 20th:

Justin attends Billboard Music Awards solo in Las Vegas

May 20th:

Justin sits down with Sunday Times for an interview and reveals when news of his “love child” with Mariah Yeater broke, Selena called him right away. Justin also revealed that he wrote a song dedicated to Selena titled 'Be Alright.'

“She was like, ‘Do you see what they’re saying on the internet?’ I was like ‘Yeah.’ She was, like, ‘So…’ I was, like ‘No, it’s not true’. ‘Okay, thank you, bye!’ That was it, she trusts me."

“I’m going to call my girlfriend.” So he does, reaching Selena on the Florida set of her new film Spring Breakers.

“Whats up baby? I can’t stop thinking about you… I said I can’t stop thinking about you. That’s all. Yes, so, um, I gotta do this interview but I just wanted to call and hear your voice really quickly… Okay, I love you. Okay bye.”

Skype and FaceTime keep them connected, he says.

“Ten years ago, or even five years, long distance relationships were much harder. Now you see each other anytime you want!”

May 25th:

Justin and Selena reunite as he picks her up from the LAX airport

*full article (x) / photos (x)

May 26th:

Selena and Justin are photographed out for a lunch date at Benihana in Sherman Oaks. Afterwards the two snuck out the back door hand-in-hand. Selena then went her own way as she cruised to a nearby 76 gas station in Encino to fill her Ford Escape

*photos here (x)

May 27th:

Selena and Justin were strolling an outdoor mall in Calabasas when paparazzi began harassing them as they were trying to leave. According to witnesses (and photos taken) this photographer was so aggressive that he even blocked Justin's car, and was said to be rudely harassing Selena "about the herpes (coldsore) on her lip" while trying to capture a photo of her. After they began harassing Selena, Justin got out of his car and went to smack the camera from his hands and him and the photographer both fell off the curb.

The photographer was taken away by ambulance AND filed a police report that named Justin as the culprit. The Los Angles County Sheriff's office is investigating and say they will talk to Justin.

One of the girls who supposedly was there shared this:

"long story short; the paps were blocking his car and wouldnt move, he got mad after asking them to move, justin tried to knock their camera, the pap and justin both fell off the curb, he lost his shoe and hat while fighting him, selena and justin left and came back because selena lost her phone, and the paps would not get out of her face, and then they left and now the paps are trying to get money from the whole thing"

Another girl that was allegedly there as a witness had nearly the exact same story as above, except in addition she added the paparazzi were rudely asking Selena "about the herpes on her lip," and that's when and why Justin knocked his camera.

*full video to story above here (x)

May 28th:

Selena attends producer Joel Silver‘s Memorial Day party in Malibu

Selena and Justin have dinner date

*full article / photos here (x)

May 30th:

Detectives want to interview Justin and Selena after a photographer claims he was attacked by Justin at a Calabasas shopping mall Sunday, but authorities continue to seek additional witnesses.

In a statement released Tuesday, the Sheriff's Department said the investigation was continuing and that detectives "are planning to interview Mr. Bieber." Law enforcement sources said Selena is among the witnesses detectives would like to talk to. Detectives are investigating claims by the photographer that Justin struck him after he snapped photographs of Selena at the Commons at Calabasas Shopping Center.

The photographer complained of pain and was taken by the Los Angeles County Fire Department to a hospital, where he was treated and released, officials said. The sources, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing, stressed that the probe was in its early stages.

*source here (x)

June 7th:

Selena’s photoshoot and interview for her Elle cover is released where she briefly mentions Justin renting out LA's Staples Center for a private screening of Titanic:

"If I'll share anything with you, it's that he really is a hopeless romantic. I had just mentioned it in the car - all I said is that I really want to see Titanic again, and then."

June 11th:

Justin joined Selena's mom and step-dad at the Right to Laugh event hosted by the Alliance for Children's Rights at the Avalon in Hollywood. Selena's mom Mandy, a huge supporter of the organization, purchased an entire table to support the cause, and invited Justin to accompany her family.

"Selena and Justin sat side-by-side," a source tells PEOPLE.

"They were laughing and smiling the whole evening. They were being very low-key and gracious as to not take away any attention from the cause."

June 15th:

Justin officially releases his third studio album Believe and many of the album's songs are inspired by Selena and their relationship, including Be Alright, a song about their long distance relationship, that Justin wrote by himself:

Across the ocean, across the sea

Startin' to forget the way you look at me now

Over the mountains, across the sky

Need to see your face and need to look in your eyes

Through the storm and, through the clouds

Bumps on the road and upside down now

I know it's hard baby, to sleep at night

Don't you worry

Selena is referenced by name in the song Beauty & A Beat during Nicki Minaj's rap:

“Justin Bieber / You know I'm gonna hit 'em with the ether / Buns out, wiener/ But I gotta keep an eye out for Selener”

*Be Alright audio here (x)

June 15th:

Selena arrives into Toronto Pearson International airport and Justin is photographed picking her up.

*photos here (x) / (x)

June 16th:

Selena and Justin are photographed boarding a helicopter to fly them into his hometown Stratford Ontario where Justin later sang Baby on steps of the Avon Theatre

*full articles (x)

June 17th:

Justin and Selena both attend Much Music Video Awards ceremony in Toronto, Canada where Justin was performing and Selena was presenting - they walked the red carpet separately and didn't pose for any photos together

*photos here (x)

June 25th:

Justin and Selena have dinner date at Geoffrey’s in Malibu and are later seen departing in Justin’s "party bus"

*photos here (x)

June 26th:

Justin and Selena attend Katy Perry’s “Part of Me” documentary premiere at Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles - Justin skipped the red carpet

Later that evening Justin and Selena arrive at the Bootsy Bellows lounge with Katy Perry and Robert Pattinson in West Hollywood for the after party and headed to a private room in the back of the lounge:

“Justin and Selena shared a table with friends,” a spywitness tells JustJared.com of the after-party.

“They were very affectionate the whole night, holding hands and sharing kisses. Katy and Amber Heard, and Shannon Woodward spent a good portion of the night sitting and chatting with them. Everyone was laughing and having a great time, taking pictures with each other and snacking on mini-cupcakes.”

*full article / photos here (x)

June 28th:

Justin cut short a pre-taped interview with U.S. radio show Mojo in the Morning after the host compared him to Justin Timberlake and quizzed him about a potential romance between his mother and One Direction's Harry Styles.

Thomas Carballo, the host of the show, was in the middle of a phone chat with Justin when he (rightfully so) took offence at his line of questioning - and hung up.

The 10-minute interview got off to a bad start when Carballo told Justin he thought he was Timberlake the first time he heard him.

Justin said, "That's funny because our voices sound nothing alike... Saying I sound like somebody else is definitely not a compliment."

Justin eased up when talking about his new song Maria, which was inspired by the woman who falsely claimed he was the father of her baby last year, but he lost his cool when Carballo got personal and asked if he was worried about Harry Styles falling for his mum.

The DJ said, "Do you worry about Harry around your mum, since he likes older women?"

Clearly upset, Justin then mumbled something about Carballo's mother and, as the radio presenter explained his mum was dead, Justin had already hung up the phone.

A record company representative then tried to convince the DJ that Justin's phone had cut off, explaining, "I can't get him. He's in a really s**tty area."

She later revealed Justin was "really upset" with the questions, adding, "He probably won't be calling back."

*source here (x)

June 30th:

Justin and Selena enjoy a walk around Lake Balboa in Van Nuys, California, stopped at an ice cream truck with Alfredo and stopped by Bronco Burrito for some lunch.

*full article / photos here (x)

[honeypiehotchner]

intelligence & issues (Hotch x Reader) -- chapter seventeen

Another smut chapter babes, so it’s 18+ only! xx.

Listen to “False God” by Taylor Swift while reading this (if you want) <3

Warnings: SMUT lmao, choking, oral (fem receiving), Daddy kink, wall sex, multiple orgasms, I think that’s it?

Previous chapter || Fic Masterlist

Chapter Seventeen: We might just get away with it, the altar is my hips

You go with Emily to the next evening’s group meeting. It’s entirely uneventful, partly because the meeting was sparse in numbers tonight. Lina said sometimes that happens in the evenings, too. It ebbs and flows.

Still, your somber mood has lingered. Everything feels different than before, and you hate it. You want to go back a few weeks, back to the basement of your childhood home. You want to ignore your head and let your heart guide you.

But you don’t have a time machine.

So, you choose -- for once in your life -- to live in the present.

Emily offers you a supportive smile as she disappears to her room, leaving you in the hotel hallway, right outside Hotch’s door.

All you need to do is knock.

Just a simple, small action, yet it takes you two minutes to find the courage to complete.

The knock echoes all throughout the hall, ringing in your ears, vibrating from your knuckles to your elbow.

Some shuffling is heard from the other side, the deadbolt sliding out of place, and then the door swings open.

Aaron isn’t in his suit anymore. He’s in sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looks different. Normal. Cozy. Like someone you could spend your whole life with.

That’s what your heart wants. You know it. Even if it’s too early to know, you know.

“Can we talk?” You ask, but Aaron is already ushering you inside before you get the first word out of your mouth.

Once the door closes, it’s like the words won’t stop spilling from your lips.

“I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gonna say it, but...I want you. I know it’s wrong, and I know you’re my boss, and I don’t care. About any of it, I just know that I want you. But…” You pause, swallowing thickly. “I understand if that’s not what you want. It’s a two-way street, so I’m not trying to force anything that isn’t there. And I know I’m not exactly the...most ideal person, I guess, I mean, I was-- I come with a lot and I get it if that would just be too much on top of the whole being my boss and being older thing. I know I should’ve said all this last night, but I was scared. And I just can’t get you out of my head, Aaron, I’ve tried, and it’s not working, and I just wanted you to know that-- how I feel, in case it’s...just me.”

Aaron says nothing this time. His hands are gentle when he holds your face, and your eyes slip closed. Your heart sings, thank God.

His lips brush yours. Slow, soft, sweet. Everything at once. You feel it: an apology for all that’s happened, all he’s done, all he’s said. It’s asking for forgiveness in a kiss.

“I want you too,” he says, forehead pressed to yours. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to say that, but--”

“A year,” you answer, smiling shyly. “I’ve waited a year. The first case I went on.”

“Then I’ve waited longer,” he murmurs, thumbs brushing your cheeks as he smiles. “I knew there was something about you that first day you walked in my office.”

“Really?” He has too many clothes on right now. Way too many.

“Really,” he nods, kissing you again. “I want you, all of you. Right now.”

“Right now,” you echo, fingers already reaching for the hem of his shirt, your sentiments the exact same.

It’s a trade off from there. His shirt, then yours. His pants, then yours. His underwear, then yours.

You’re already wrapping your hand around his length, ready to feel him, but he pushes you away. You break the kiss to show him your confusion, but he’s smiling softly.

“Tonight is about you,” he whispers. “Go lay down.”

Still confused, you nod, turning to crawl onto the bed and lie down. You prop yourself up on your elbows, though, watching him as he kneels on the end of the bed. His hands wrap around your ankles, causing a surprised yelp to leave your lips when he pulls you closer to him.

“What are you doing?” You ask through a laugh, letting your legs go limp as he hooks your left over his shoulder. He places his hands on your ass, wrapping around your hips to pull you closer to him.

He doesn’t answer your question -- not verbally. Instead, he dips his head to pepper kisses along the innermost portion of your thighs, dangerously close to where you want him.

“Aaron,” you gasp, your arms giving out when he nips at the skin a little too close to your lips, causing you to collapse onto the bed.

He lifts his head, feigning innocence. “What?” His thumbs stroke circles on your hips. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” You cry. “Don’t stop!”

“That’s not how good girls speak to their Daddy,” he replies seriously, raising an eyebrow at you.

Oh shit.

“Apologize,” he orders, fingers kneading the flesh of your ass. “Don’t make me ask twice.”

“I’m sorry,” you blurt. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” you let the name tumble from your lips with ease, noticing the way his face darkens with pleasure. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

“That’s a big promise to make, sweetheart,” he coos, leaning his head on your thigh. “Are you sure you’ll be able to keep it?”

You nod vigorously.

“Use your words.”

Jesus Christ. “Yes, yes I promise.”

“Good girl,” he murmurs, peppering kisses around your hips, stomach, thighs. “Lie back,” he whispers. “You can hold onto my hair, okay?”

You nod again, then remembering his previous instruction, you add, “Okay.”

“Now,” he breathes, hot air fanning over your pussy. “We are in a hotel,” he murmurs, lips brushing your clit as he speaks, and you try not to whimper. “So Daddy’s gonna need you to be quiet. Can you do that?”

“Mhm,” you hum, hands fisting the sheets, using all of your willpower not to buck your hips into his mouth. “Please.”

“Since you asked so nicely,” he chuckles, finally lowering his head.

You’ve never done this before, and that thought did cross your mind, but you didn’t want to tell Aaron because you didn’t want him to get nervous. But now, when his tongue strokes you, you realize you probably should’ve said something.

The pleasure is pure electricity. His tongue is masterful and warm, opening you up for him instantly. Your hips raise off the bed on their own accord, chasing the pleasure only he can give you.

Your hands leave the sheets to twist in his hair, nails scratching his scalp, and he groans, pulling you closer, burying himself. Aaron would choose to stay here for hours if you would let him, and judging by the noises you’re making, he thinks you would.

“Aaron,” you gasp, feeling your stomach tightening already, but he only dives deeper. “Daddy,” you choke out, eyes rolling back as he pulls you closer.

He focuses on your clit, and within seconds, you’re cumming, crying out as the pleasure overtakes your body. He lets you push his head down, chasing the last few waves, before your body gives out, and you sink back into the mattress.

Aaron relishes in your aftershocks, stopping once your hands slide from his head, going limp by your sides.

Pressing one last kiss to your hip, he crawls up next to you, pressing a soothing kiss to your lips. “Hey,” he murmurs, pulling back, but your eyes are still closed. “Look at me.”

You obey instantly, opening your eyes as a dazed smile crosses your lips.

“There she is,” he smiles too, kissing your nose. “You okay?”

“More than,” you breathe, body warm and buzzing all over. “I need you.”

“You have me,” Aaron replies easily.

“No, I mean,” you pause, raising one leg to hook it over his back, pulling him back toward your core. “I need you. To fuck me. Right now.”

“To fuck you?” He teases. “You have been a good girl, haven’t you?”

You nod. “Please.”

“Well,” he shrugs, settling over your hips. “Since you’ve been so good for me.”

Before he can align himself, you’re stopping him. Aaron looks at you, eyebrows furrowed, wondering why you’re biting your lip and trying not to smile.

“Use your words,” he reminds you. “What do you want?”

“Against the wall,” you blurt, squeezing his biceps. “Fuck me against the wall.”

Nothing will ever come close to the way his lips split into a grin, and without a second thought, he stands, gathering you into his arms.

He carries you to the wall, pressing your back into the space where you stood just the night before. Only this time, you’re facing him, legs circling his hips, ankles hooked together.

Aaron lines his cockhead up with your core, watching your eyes as he slides inside of you, until his hips are pressed against yours.

He starts to move, but you grip his arms tightly, so he stops. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just...don’t move,” you groan, leaning your head forward onto his shoulder. “You feel good,” you murmur.

“What?”

“You feel so good,” you say again, a little louder this time. “Oh my God.” He fills you differently this way, and it’s addictive already.

Aaron chuckles lowly, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. “You feel good, too, sweetheart,” he whispers. “You feel so good wrapped around me.”

That makes your walls flutter, and Aaron groans, fingers tightening their grip on your ass. So, naturally, you do it again. And again.

“Little girl,” he warns. “Don’t tease me.”

“Sorry, sir,” you grin into his neck, but the smile is wiped right off your lips as he begins thrusting.

He’s deeper than he was last night, and the thought only makes your walls flutter once more, drawing him in more. The action causes his hips to falter, and one hand leaves your ass to press into the wall for added support.

“Good girl,” he growls, moving his hand from the wall to grip the back of your neck.

You feel it when it happens, the wave of pleasure and wetness, your walls fluttering harsher than before. And you’re damn sure he felt it too, because he has to stop entirely, catching his breath.

“Look at me,” he orders, gently. And when you lift your head, meeting his eyes, he raises an eyebrow. “Do you want me to choke you? Use your words.”

“Yes,” you nod.

“Yes, what?” He asks, fingers already wrapping around your throat, but not applying pressure.

“Yes, sir,” you break off into a moan as he begins rocking his hips, his fingers squeezing ever so slightly on the sides of your throat. Your eyes and head roll back as the pleasure begins to build.

“Are you going to cum already?” He sneers, chuckling darkly when you try to nod. “My dirty girl. You only needed my hand around your throat, hm?”

“Yeah,” you whine, gasping when he changes angles, fucking into you harder, hitting your sweet spot every time.

“Come on,” he growls, shifting his grip on your hips. “Cum for me. Let me feel it.”

He knows the perfect time to apply more pressure to your neck, and as soon as he does, you crash.

He’s closer than he was letting on, because all it takes is a few more thrusts before he’s spilling inside of you. A smaller orgasm blossoms when you feel the warmth spread through your core, a dazed smile settling over your lips at the feeling.

Taking his hand away from your neck, Aaron moves it to cup your jaw as he kisses you, coaxing you down from your high.

You lazily hook your arms around his neck, moaning into the kiss as you push your hips forward, effectively burying him even deeper inside of you.

“Two orgasms and you’re still not satisfied?” He inquires, moving to pepper kisses down your neck, nipping here and there, but not leaving any marks.

“Oh, I’m-- I’m very satisfied,” you murmur, your head rolling to one side. “So satisfied.”

You’re not drunk at all, yet you sound like it. Aaron chuckles, slipping out of you, and carefully setting you down on your feet. But, as usual, your knees are trembling, so he has to help you stand.

“Shower?” You ask, tilting your head up to look at him through your lashes.

He nods. How could he ever say no to you? “Of course.” And on that note, he scoops you into his arms bridal style.

You’re a mess of giggles as he carries you to the bathroom, carefully setting you down on the toilet. As soon as the shower turns on, you begin peeing, and Aaron pays no mind.

It’s strange, you think. How the two of you act. Like you’ve always been this way. Like this is just how it is.

Once the shower is the right temperature, Aaron helps you inside, and last night is repeated.

Only this time, when you step out of the shower, and Aaron wraps you in a towel, you don’t run. Instead, you brush your hair in front of the mirror while Aaron goes to find a t-shirt for you to wear.

And when he returns with it, you drop your towel and lift your arms, allowing him to slide it over your head. He loves the fact that it swallows you whole, and you do too. (It’s kind of hot, really.)

“You’re not gonna make me sleep on the couch, are you?” You tease, crawling into the bed.

“Of course not,” he replies seriously, climbing in next to you. “You’re staying right here.” He pulls you closer by an arm around your waist, and you gladly fall into his chest.

In between kisses, you murmur, “I’m staying,” just so he hears it from you, in your voice. So he knows. You’re right here. You’re not leaving tonight. Or ever, if you can help it.

Before things can venture into heated territory again, Aaron stops, settling back into the pillows. You get comfortable in the curve of his arm, wrapping yourself around his middle while your head rests on his chest. The perfect pillow.

And just like last night, reality begins to creep in.

“Aaron,” you murmur. “We should talk.”

“I know,” he whispers. “Do you want to talk about it tonight?”

You think for a moment, and then you shake your head. “No. Can we just stay like this?”

He pulls you closer, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Of course.”

Content with that answer, you turn and bury your head into his chest, hugging him tighter, like if you don’t he’ll fade away.

“Hey Y/N,” he says quietly, lips brushing against your hair. “They weren’t just dinners.”

You smile into his skin, nodding. “I know.”

He leans over and turns off the lamp, the room falling into darkness. And the both of you sleep soundly for the first time in days.

Next chapter

[in-superbloom]

did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)

right where you left me: prologue

pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)

warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!

author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)

another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3

credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.

i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚

@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤

i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡

let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡

word count: 4.1k

☆☆☆

Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.

Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.

Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.

Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.

As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).

When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.

Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.

Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?

The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).

Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.

She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.

Alright, someone's in a mood.

Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.

“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.

Still, no reaction.

That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.

When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.

Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.

“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”

Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.

“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.

Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.

“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.

Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.

A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.

“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.

“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.

Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.

While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.

This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?

She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.

The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.

She knows what's wrong with it now.

It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.

Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?

☆ ☆ ☆

Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.

The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.

“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.

That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.

It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.

That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.

As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.

While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.

So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.

Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.

He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.

Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.

He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.

Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.

Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.

Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.

A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.

“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.

Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.

“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.

“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”

Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.

“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”

“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.

“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.

“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”

“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.

“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”

Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.

Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?

Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.

God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.

Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.

Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.

Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.

[path-of-my-childhood]

How Aaron Dessner and Taylor Swift Stripped Down Her Sound on ‘Folklore’

By: Jon Blistein for Rolling Stone Date: July 24th 2020

At the beginning of March, the National’s Aaron Dessner traveled back to the United States from Paris, where he’d been living with his family, to shack up at Sonic Ranch Studio in Tornillo, Texas to work on the next Big Red Machine album with Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon. Those plans - obviously - soon shifted, as the reality of the COVID-19 pandemic set in. Dessner and his family were able to relocate to their home in upstate New York as lockdown orders went into effect, and the musician soon settled into a groove of homeschooling his kids and able to focus fully on music in a way he hadn’t in a while, due to the National’s regularly rigorous touring schedule.

In the middle of what Dessner describes as one of the most productive moments of his career, Taylor Swift called. A longtime and avowed fan of the National, Swift asked if Dessner wanted to try collaborating on a few songs remotely. He said of course, and asked if she was looking for anything in particular. He noted that he had plenty of material at the ready, but acknowledged he’d been in a more experimental mood, due to the Big Red Machine sessions; not to mention, Dessner added, he’d never really ventured into the pop world Swift has dominated for well over a decade. She told him to send everything he had.

“I think she was interested in the emotions that she feels in some of the music that I’ve made,” Dessner tells Rolling Stone.” So I just sent her a folder of things I’d done recently and was excited about. Hours after, she sent back a fully written version of ‘Cardigan.’ It was like a lightning bolt struck the house.”

Over the next few months, Dessner and Swift crafted the bulk of Swift’s eighth studio album, Folklore. Dessner spoke with Rolling Stone about working with Swift, their instant chemistry, how the album developed under a thick cloud of secrecy and more.

When Taylor first reached out, did she have a specific vision in mind for the album? She was a bit cryptic. I didn’t know that we were actually working on a record for quite a while. It just seemed that she was seeking me out to collaborate. And then we were both feeling very inspired by it. Once there were six or seven songs that we had written over a couple of weeks, she said, “Hey can we talk?” Then she said, ‘This is what I’m imagining,’ and started to tell me about the concept of Folklore. Then she mentioned that she’d written some songs at an earlier stage with Jack [Antonoff], and they felt like they really fit together with what we were doing. It was a very inspiring, exhilarating collaborative process that was almost entirely remote. Very sort of warp speed, but also something about it felt like we were going toe-to-toe and in a good pocket.

After “Cardigan,” how did these songs develop and do you think she pushed you in any new directions as a songwriter? When you’re working with someone new, it takes a second to understand their instincts and range. It’s not really conscious. She wrote “Cardigan,” and then “Seven,” then “Peace.” They kind of set a road map, because “Cardigan” was this kind of experimental ballad, the closest thing to a pop song on the record, but it’s not really. It’s this emotional thing, but it has some strange sounds in it. “Seven” is this kind of nostalgic, emotional folk song. Even before she sang to it, I felt this nostalgia, wistful feeling in it, and I think that’s what she gravitated towards. And “Peace,” that just showed me the incredible versatility that she had. That song is just three harmonized bass lines and a pulse. I love to play bass like that - play one line then harmonize another, and another, which is a behavior I stole from Justin Vernon, because he’s done that on other things we’ve done together. And actually, that’s his pulse, he sent me that pulse and said, “Do something with this.” But when she wrote that song, which kind of reminds me of a Joni Mitchell song over a harmonized bassline and a pulse, that was kind of like, “Woah, anything can happen here.” That’s not easy to do. 

So, in the morning I would wake up and try to be productive. “Mad Woman” is one I wrote shortly after that, in terms of sound world, felt very related to “Cardigan” and “Seven.” I do have a way of playing piano where it’s very melodic and emotional, but then often it’s great if whoever’s singing doesn’t sing exactly what’s in the piano melody, but maybe it’s connected in some way. There was just some chemistry happening with her and how she was relating to those ideas.

“Epiphany” was something she had an idea for, and then I imagined these glacial, Icelandic sounds with distended chords and this almost classical feeling. That was another one where we wrote it and conceived it together. She just has a very instinctive and sharp musical mind, and she was able to compose so closely to what I was presenting. What I was doing was clicking for her. It was exhilarating for us, and it was surreal - we were shocked by it, to be honest [Laughs]. I think the warmth, humanity and raw energy of her vocals, and her writing on this record, from the very first voice memos - it was all there.

Do you think that chemistry might’ve had something to do with her being a National fan, and you being a fan of her music? We met Taylor at Saturday Night Live in 2014, or whenever that was that we played and Lena Dunham was hosting. We got to meet her, and that was our first brush with a bona fide pop star. But then she came to see us play in Brooklyn last summer and was there in a crazy rainstorm, like torrential downpour, and watched the whole show and stayed for a long time afterwards, talking to me and my brother. She was incredibly charming and humble. That’s the nice thing about her, and a lot of people I’ve met that have that kind of celebrity. It’s great when you can just tune it out and be normal people and chat, and that’s how that felt. So, we knew that she was a big fan, and we really got into the 1989 album. Our Icelandic collaborator, Ragnar Kjartansson, is a crazy Swiftie. So we’ve kind of lived vicariously through him. I’ve always been astonished by how masterful she is in her craft. I’ve always listened to her albums and put them in this rarefied category, like, “How did she do that? How does anybody do that? How do you make ‘Blank Space?’” There was an element that was intimidating at first, where it just took me a second to be like… Not because I think her music is better than what we’ve done, but it’s just a different world.

Were there particular songs, albums or artists the two of you discussed as reference points for this album? “Betty,” which is a song she wrote with William Bowery, she was interested in sort of early Bob Dylan, like Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan, I think. “Epiphany,” early on, felt like some weird Kate Bush-meets-Peter Gabriel thing. I think we talked a little about those things, but not a lot. Actually, I think she really trusted me as far as my instincts to where the music would ultimately go, and also the mixing process.  We really wanted to keep her voice as human, and kind of the opposite of plastic, as possible. That was a bit of a battle. Because everything in pop music tends to be very carved out, a smiley face, and as pushed as possible so that it translates to the radio or wherever you hear it. That can also happen with a National song - like if you changed how these things are mixed, they wouldn’t feel like the same song. And she was really trusting and heard it herself. She would make those calls herself, also.

You mentioned William Bowery - who is he? He’s a songwriter, and actually because of social distancing, I’ve never met him. He actually wrote the original idea for “Exile,” and then Taylor took it and ran with it. I don’t actually know to be totally honest.

We’ve been trying to track him down, he doesn’t have much of an internet presence. Yeah, I don’t fully know him, other than he wrote “Betty” and “Exile” with her. But you know she’s a very collaborative person, so it was probably some songwriter.

So it’s not an alias for anyone? No, no, no. I mean, I don’t know - she didn’t tell me there was a “Cardigan” video until literally it came out, and I wrote the song with her [laughs]. So I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure he’s an actual songwriter. She enjoys little mysteries.

With the National, you and your brother write the music, Matt Berninger adds the lyrics, and then you fuse it - was it a similar process on Folklore? Taylor is very collaborative in that sense that, whenever she sent a voice memo, she would send all the lyrics and then ask me what I thought. And sometimes we would debate certain lines, although generally she’s obviously a strong writer. So she would ask me if I liked one line, and she would give me alternate lines and I would give her my opinion. And then when she was actually tracking vocals, I would sometimes suggest things or miss things, but she definitely has a lot of respect for the collaborative process and wants whoever she’s writing with to feel deeply included in that process. It was nice, and was a back and forth, for sure. And she would sometimes have ideas about the production if she didn’t like something, especially. She would, in a tactful way, bring that up. I appreciated that, too, since I wanted to try to turn over every leaf, take risks and sometimes get it wrong. That always takes a second, to get over and then you start again.

You mentioned earlier that once you had six, seven songs, she was able to describe a concept behind the album. I’m curious what that conversation was like. She would always explain what each song was about to me, even before she articulated the Folklore concept. And I could tell early on that they were these narrative songs, often told from a different… not in the first person. So there are different characters in the songs that appear in others. You may have a character in “Betty” that’s also related to one in “Cardigan,” for example. And I think that was, in her mind, very, very important. It doesn’t seem like, for this record at least, that she was inspired to write something until she really knew what it was about. And I think I’m used to a more - at least lately - impressionistic and experimental world of making stuff without really knowing what it is. But this was more direct, in that sense. That was really helpful, to know what it was about and it would guide some of the choices we were making.

Every time she would send something, she would narrate a little bit, like how it fit, or what it was about. And then when she told me about Folklore as a concept, it made so much sense. Like “The Last Great American Dynasty,” for example, this kind of narrative song that then becomes personal at the end - it flips and she enters the song. These are kind of these folkloric, almost mythical tales that are woven in of childhood, lost love, and different sentiments across the record. It was binding it all together and I think it’s personal, but also through the guise of other people, friends and loved ones.

You were working in secret - how did that affect the process? Was that a difficult burden? It was. I was humbled and honored and grateful for the opportunity and for the crazy sort of alchemy we were having. But it was hard not to be able to talk openly with my usual collaborators, even my brother at first. I didn’t know if I could really tell him, because we normally… Ultimately, he helped me quite a bit, he orchestrated songs. But we always help each other. But eventually, we figured out how to do it. Towards the end of the process, I said to Taylor, ‘I really feel that I need to try a few experiment and try to elevate a few moments on the record because we have time, and we’ve really done a ton of work here, and it all sounds great, but I think we can go even further.’ And then she said, ‘Well what does that mean?’ And I explained how that would work, and the way that we work. Our process is very community-oriented, and we have long-time collaborators that we have a good understanding with. So I was able to say, to my friends, ‘This is a song I’m working on, I can’t send it to you with the vocals, and I can’t tell you what it is, but I can explain what I’m imagining.’ And the same with my brother, he knows my music so well that that was very easy for him to just take things that we were working on, add to that, and do his kind of work. So it was all remote and everyone was in their corner and we were shipping things around. It was incredibly fast because of that, because you didn’t have eight people needing to come to the studio. You had eight people working simultaneously - one in France and one in L.A. and one in Brooklyn. This is how it went, and it was fun. We got there.

When were you able to tell everyone who contributed that this was the Taylor Swift record, what was their reaction? You can imagine. I think they realized it was something big because [of] the confidentiality, and they were like, ‘It could only be a few things.’ I couldn’t tell them until, basically, when she announced it. Just in the moments after she announced it, I basically told everyone. I was like, ‘By the way…’ And they were thrilled. Everyone’s thrilled. Nobody seemed mad, everyone was thrilled and honored. Even Justin Vernon had not heard anything else except “Exile,” even though the pulse of that song “Peace,” he gave that song to me. It was important to have it be a surprise, and you know how it can be with someone in her position, with all the speculation, and she’s always under a lot of pressure like that. So it was really important to the creative freedom she was feeling that this remained a secret, so she could just do what we were doing.

Being such longtime friends and collaborators with Justin, what was it like hearing “Exile” for the first time? His voice and Taylor’s together? He’s so versatile and has such a crazy range, and puts so much emotion… Every time he sings when I’m in his presence, my head just kind of hits the back of the wall. That’s the same on this song. William Bowery and Taylor wrote that song together, got it to a certain point, then I sort of interpreted it and developed a recording of it, and then Taylor tracked both the male and female parts. And then we sent it to Justin and he re-did obviously the male parts and changed a few things and also added his own: He wrote the “step right out” part of the bridge, and Taylor re-sang to that. You feel like, in a weird way, you’re watching two of the greatest songwriters and vocalists of our generation collaborating. I was facilitating it and making it happen, and playing all the music. But it was definitely a “Wow.” I was just a fan at that point, seeing it happen.

Are there any moments that really stick out to you as particularly pivotal in shaping the sound of this record? The initial response. When we first connected, and I sent a folder of music and Taylor wrote “Cardigan,” and she said, “This is abnormal. Why do you have all these songs that are so emotional and so moving to me? This feels fated.” And then she just dove into it and embraced this emotional current. And I hope that’s what people take out of it: The humanity in her writing and melodies. It’s a different side to her. She could have been every bit as successful just making these kinds of songs, but it’s so great that she’s also made everything that she’s ever made, and this is a really interesting shift, and an emotional one. It also opens other doors, because now it’s kind of like she can go wherever she wants, creatively. The pressure to make a certain kind of… bop - or whatever you want to call it - is not there really anymore. And I think that’s really liberating, and I hope her fans and the world are excited by that because I am. It’s really special.

[shipppphappens]

Zoey's extraordinary GoodBye

To make it short: I love that episode. Best episode of the whole show. What can I say more about it?

A LOT! And I will, but I can't say anything about something I didn't like cause there had been nothing. No single moment. It was a perfect whatever final.

I think Danny Michael Davis is so loveable. He is so strange but has a good heart and proofs that so often this season. It is obvious he replaces Joan in that season, but Noah Weisberg gave him so much live and character that he isn't just a replacement, he is a well deserved part of that show. My favorite moment with him from that episode was when he told Zoey that he choose Max over her.

Tobin and Mackenzie are so cute together. The foot cuddle, their speak to the crew or theire  makeout in the chair. Just cute. And her fears about working together could break them up shows just how much she likes Tobin. And Leifs smiling face when they annonced theire relationship was very nice.

I also love David this season so much and his worries about his mom were just so funny.

The scene with Emily and Maggie was so nice. I like their relationship. And I think it is totally understandable for Maggie to go on with her life and maybe get a new partner. This is a huge step from the beginning of the season. Even Rogar was kind of creepy. Maybe he is a serial killer?

And I loved Maggies speach to Max. West Coast Mom - I am crying. Max is a part of that family. That he invited Maggie, David and Emily says a lot about how connected they are. Hope we will see more of that.

The next cute couple is Mo and Perry. Nothing can Perry stop to win Mo back. Not even Danny Michael Davis doing fire violations. I am really want to know if Mo told him to do this. In my head canon he did and DMD does him that favour. The duett was wonderful. I like it so much, I love the version of that song. And it was so nice to see how his kids running through Mo's Apartment and throwing that fox in the air. I hope we will see more of that in the next season.

I also love what a good friend Mo is to Zoey and Max. All his work for the party and his speak. This was such a wonderful friendship the whole season and this was just the highlight, with that wonderful speach.

And he is always there for Zoey which is great. Loved the scene when Zoey came to him to tell she wants to tell Max how she feels. The comparison between Perry's kids and Zoey - so hilerious. Alex Newell was killing the whole scene. When he was snippy about the dream and Mitch fix Zoey in one night or his disbelieve Zoey want to go alone after all the time he was there for her. Just loved it, love Mo and his big heart.

What next...

Zoey and Simon? Ok, let's talk about that. It is not so easy cause it was a relief that Simon broke up with Zoey. I know that there are a lot of pissed people out there, but it is like Zoey said, Simon and Zoey were never meant to be. This isn't their story, had never been and had been never told that way. But I like how they handled that moment. The talk at the pier was really nice and I wish Simon all the best. He had a passion inside he can use for his projects and I think he is on a good way doing great things in the world. I loved the happy Simon from the beginning of the season.

The music from that episode is amazing. No song I didn't like. Never been a fan of Taylor Swift but the ZeP version of "Shake it off" is so great an so full of live.

And I love the song that Mitch sang for Zoey so much. I loved how they danced, how happy Zoey had been, how she finaly realized she should live with less fear. This whole scene gave me just a good feeling. It was bittersweet beautiful and it is my all time favorite Mitch and Zoey scene. I also loved theire talk. I was hoping the whole time Mitch will help Zoey to realize that she and Max belong to each other and find the courage to tell him. I thought they will use the video from episode one but this was better in so many ways. But they had this circle to the first episode that season by using Mitch related songs to come to the Max and Zoey moments. They even use the same way of cut. Also the colour of their clothes matching to last dance when Mitch died. I love how they use stuff like that.

From here on I go in chronologically way:

Zoey's sadness at the beginning of the episode was also bittersweet. It is so nice to see how Max going away affected her. Even Simon can't change her mood. The first talk with Mo had been a start to finaly think and talk about what she should really do. And her writting Max name on the cookie just say everything about her heart. I am not really sure if it was a mistake to put things on pause, but how they handled it was a huge, big mistake.

Max put the dummy in his suitcase was like Max name on the cookie. They are both so in love with each other. And I feel sorry for Rose, but I am happy she is smart enough not to push Max.

Maybe it slipped out not on purpose, but Zoey really want's to tell Max she is available. His face was priceless. And her comes the next piece from the puzzle for Rose.

It was really sweet that Zoey wanted that party special for Max and her speach was just perfect. I liked the part with the big apple is sweeter now most. That this speach end up at the kitchen made it even better. I understand that Zoey is pissed but she should know that it wasn't because he felt sorry for her because of her mom. I am happy she find out and Zoey sees again how perfect Max is for her. And would have been to easy to say all the things now, they said at the end, but the looks in their eyes said more then 1000 words.

Zoey's fear of loss isn't something new, it is her theme throughout the whole show. Explained more in the episode before and climaxed in her dream with Mitch. She is to afraid of loosing Max and even they won't break up some day, she could loose him anyway, like she lost Mitch. I think it is beautiful, but I am happy she take that jump and is finally able to tell him.

Her talk to Mo, her enthusiasm, her crazy babbling about a plan (don't do drugs in Roses backbag) and she goes without thinks through, just doing - perfect.

When she heared Max (perfectly) singing about he loves a woman and she thinks he is singing about Rose - also perect. And this is why: this isn't just the way how we get that wonderfull ending, no. Zoey is learning a lesson. If you don't know the context you can't know what is in other peoples head. It is the 2nd time in that episode she realized she can't know everything just because of her powers. And I think it is a great gesture to just let him go and to be happy with Rose cause she thinks he loves her. She doesn't try to change his mind and to get what she wants, she accepted his choice. This shows how much she loves him cause loving someone isn't always fighting, sometimes it is just doing what is right.

Her relationsship advice to Mackenzie was so nice and shows how much she learned and grow during the last months. And Iove her fumbling with the ring - the ring, who is with her the whole season, even when she and Max are fighting, when she is with Simon, when everything seems lost, she keeps the ring Max gave her. And it is such a nice circle to close the season, when Max said to her it wouldn't make her invissible. They are talking about superpowers. A thing Zoey allready has, feeling alone with it and Max also struggles not to can hear her thoughts. I think it is a great twist that Max can now also hear heartsong and it doesn't came out of the blue. When I think about it, it makes so much sense. Max's heartsongs are always kind of special. They were more touchy than others, except for Mitch's but they are all 3 connected to each other. And it brings so many possibilities for a 3rd season.

And save the best for the last: CLARKEMAN ENDGAME!!!!

The love you could see in both eyes, what they said, their bodylanguage, it was just perfect. I am so over the moon and I am so in love with Zoey's heartsong. She looked so happy and in love. And I am so happy and in love with that episode, that show, that season, these characters, the music.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

[princess-mei]

Mei 美美 Qin – Character Sheet

it’s like everything you say is a sweet revelation / all i wanna do is get into your head / yeah we could stay alone, you and me and this temptation / sipping on your lips, hanging on by a thread, baby

late night watching television / but how’d we get in this position / it’s way too soon, i know this isn’t love (no) / but i need to tell you something

i really really really really really really like you / and i want you, do you want me, do you want me too?

Archetype — The Explorer Birthday — July 9th, 2002 Zodiac Sign — Year of the Horse, Rising Leo, Sun in Cancer, Moon in Cancer MBTI — ENFP Enneagram — 2, the Helper Temperament — Sanguine Hogwarts House — Gryffindor Moral Alignment — Chaotic Good Primary Vice — Lust Primary Virtue — Charity Element — Water/Fire (she’s a Water Horse, so she definitely identifies with that but in Western tradition she is Fire.)

Overview:

Mother — Tanya Qin Father — Peng Qin Mother’s Occupation — Editor-in-Chief of the San Francisco Chronicle Father’s Occupation — financial diviner Family Finances — wealthy Birth Order — middle Brothers —  none Sisters — Ting-Ting (Gemma Chan, May 13, 1993), Su (January 22, 2003) Other Close Family — close to their mother’s side, father’s side lives in China, but they’ve taken trips to see them once or twice. do not have any cousins/aunts/uncles, but close to their grandparents. Best Friend — Daisy Zanetti, they grew up together. Met in school and were thick as thieves right away. Daisy is a half-fairy, so they both understood the whole “half” background thing. Other Friends — Lots and lots of friends~ Enemies — There was probably like one Mean Girl that Mei was always antagonizing and who was always antagonizing her. Pets — None. Home Life During Childhood — Relatively happy. Has nice, loving parents. Did a lot of Family Activities, since that was important. Mother was busy a lot with work, but her father was around a lot and Ting-Ting was always around (until she went to school.) Town or City Name(s) — San Francisco, CA What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — Posters everywhere! Very personalized and customized. Lots of reds and golds. Probably had like one of those net things around her bed. Always very messy, because Mei starts a project and then just jumps to the next. Lots of natural light too probably. Any Sports or Clubs — Dance and Gymnastics. Mei has kept up with both of these throughout the year. Does both ballet and hip hop. Her favorite gymnastics is rhythmics. Favorite Toy or Game — She wouldn’t consider it a toy or game, of course, but loves doing tarot and tea readings. Also enjoys a good board game, is very competitive though. Schooling — Public school. Favorite Subject — Physical Education ?? Maybe literature. Art classes… Popular or Loner — Decently popular. She wasn’t one of the people that everyone knew but she had a wide circle of friends. Important Experiences or Events — Discovering she had divination skills. Deciding her specialization. Moving to Swynlake! Nationality — American Culture — Chinese-American Religion and beliefs — Spiritual, borrowing from a spread of Taoism, Buddhism, Chinese folklore, and Confucianism.

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim — Cheng Xiao Complexion — Fair-skinned Hair Colour — Naturally a dark brown, but she dyes it a lot! Eye Colour — Dark brown. Height — 5’6 Build — Athletic, but slim. Tattoos — None. Piercings — Ears. Common Hairstyle — Likes to braid it or put it in two buns. Does a lot of half-up/half-down hairstyles. Clothing Style — Chic and trendy, lots of colors and patterns. Mannerisms — Very bouncy, doesn’t sit still much. Twirls her hair around her finger a lot. Usual Expression —

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — Pretty healthy! I’m sure this is due to Ting-Ting constantly balancing her Yin-Yang Physical Ailments — None. Neurological Conditions — None. Allergies — None! Grooming Habits — Rather good. Takes a lot of care with her appearance. Always makes sure to moisturize and exfoliate and change out of sweaty clothes. Sleeping Habits — Average. Eating Habits — Eats a lot because Su is constantly making things, but can forget meals if she is distracted or concentrating. Exercise Habits —  Exercises a lot! Does all sorts of things like pilates and swimming and jogging. Emotional Stability — I give her a 7/10, she loses points for being a stubborn, unreasonable teenager and for her temper, but otherwise is pretty even-keeled. Body Temperature — Average. Sociability — Very social! Loves surrounding herself with people. Addictions — Love? Drug Use — None, we will see. Alcohol Use — Has gone to parties where she’s drank before, but not often.

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — Interrupting people, bouncing from topic to topic, meddling in things that she shouldn’t, talking back, being a general nuisance. Good Habits — Very kind, very caring. Wants to take care of all her people. Strong moral compass. Best Characteristic — Her certainty. Worst Characteristic — Her stubbornness. Worst Memory — Being told she would have to move to Swynlake. Best Memory — When her father told her that he was proud of her for completing her studies for being a sorcerer and accepting an apprenticeship. Proud of — Her magic, her family history, her looks, her sporting ability. Embarrassed by — Not much, probably the fact she isn’t very good at school. Driving Style — Probably was just learning how to drive. A speed demon, but surprisingly a good driver. Strong Points — Her moral center and her big heart. Temperament — Can be explosive, but general soft and sweet. Attitude — Generally positive. Weakness — Not knowing what she wants. Fears — Not knowing what she’s going to do with her life. Phobias — Anything unlucky, though I wouldn’t call it a phobia, more of a cautious regard. Secrets — None really? She doesn’t keep much from people. She’s very “This Is Who I am. Fight Me.” Regrets — Having to leave Swynlake. Feels Vulnerable When — People are angry or upset with her, she’s not following her heart. Pet Peeves — Being told she’s wrong, lol. Conflicts — Duty to Family v Duty to Heart Motivation — Following her heart. Short Term Goals and Hopes — Make friends and something out of her life in Swynlake. Long Term Goals and Hopes — Figure out what she wants to do with her life. Sexuality — As-is she is straight, but this can change. Day or Night Person — Day Introvert or Extrovert — Extrovert. Optimist or Pessimist — Optimist except she can be really sour when things don’t go her way.

Likes and Styles:

Music — Oh, gosh–where to start? Mei loves love songs, of course. Big fan of Elton John, Elvis Presley, Celine Dion, etc etc. She also loves modern stuff, of course. Taylor Swift, Carly Rae Jepsen, Ed Sheeran…if she’s really feeling it some Florence and the Machine. Loves KPop too. I’ll let Lauryl tell me who she stans. (Is that the phrase I feel like there is a phrase.) Anyway, anything that is love related, she’ll give it a listen. Books — Doesn’t actually like reading that much, tbh. Doesn’t hold her interest. Magazines — Do people read magazines anymore? Does Buzzfeed count as a magazine? Probably giggles over Cosmopolitan. Foods — Sweets! Chocolate is her favorite, but she likes licorice a lot too. Is one of those weird people that likes black licorice. Also, loves a good rice pudding. That’s probably her favorite dessert. She also loves chicken, any kind of chicken–she doesn’t care what you put it in or what you put on it. Isn’t much of a picky eater. Actually really enjoys being adventurous with her food. Drinks — Green tea, green tea, green tea! Mei loves tea, especially iced. She also surprisingly likes salt soda water–she goes back and forth on sweet and savory. Sometimes, she just really wants salt soda water because it is just crisp and refreshing and wakes her back-up and reorients her yin-yang when she needs it. Animals — Elephants! Mei loves elephants. She’s that girl that has like elephant shirts and an elephant backpack and an elephant stuffed animal probably. They have such a high emotional capacity and Mei really respects them for this. They are also just so cute with their floppy ears and their soft, sweet eyes! Loves birds too as most of them are symbols of good luck and good tidings–besides owls, which are harbingers of death. Sports — Gymnastics and dance. Social Issues — Magick Rights is the biggest one. Also feminism. Also all the “main” issues. Favorite Saying — “Better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness” - Chinese Proverb Color — Golds, yellows, reds, blues are her favourites. She loves gold because it is a Classy color. Most of her jewelry is gold. She loves yellow because it is bright and happy! Red is lucky in Chinese culture and it always reminds her of times like New Year’s! Also, it is the color of passion and love. Blues she likes because they are calming and gentle.  These are her lucky colors. She also loves pink, even though it is technically a color that she should avoid. Really hates white, because she doesn’t like what a blank slate it is. Also, hates brown because it is an icky boring color. As you can see, she has a lot of Opinions on colors. Clothing —Chic and trendy, lots of colors and patterns. Jewelry — Loves it! Wears mostly gold. Probably has a few staple pieces but then exchanges things depending on her mood. Websites — Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter etc etc TV Shows — CW shows and K/Cdramas Movies — All the great love classics: Gone with the Wind, the Titanic, When Harry Met Sally, Roman Holiday, all of Audrey Hepburn probably, the Notebook, Singing in the Rain…I could go on and on. She loves movies that tug at the heart strings and are full of that wild, amazing, passionate kind of love. They always make her swoon and if she is choosing a movie for movie night, you know it’s gonna be a romantic tearjerker. Though, she also likes romcoms. Doesn’t like action movies or horror movies or anything too intense, they freak her out Greatest Want — To figure out what to do with her life. Greatest Need — To grow up and learn things aren’t all about her, lmao.

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — A three bedroom apartment with Ting-Ting and Su. Household furnishings — Rather plain at the moment, but will probably grow cozy as they settle in. Favorite Possession — Her pseudogrimoire where she writes down all the signs and stuff that she sees and puzzles out the meaning to. Most Cherished Possession — Her wand, which is a fan that was her mother’s, her mother gave it to her and her father and Ting-Ting help her imbibe it with magic. Neighborhood — Tortuga Place Married Before — No Significant Other Before — Non-serious boyfriends and Serious crushes Children — She iS a child Relationship with Family — Very close with her dad, even though he’s always yelling at her and being disappointed in her. They have a lot in common and she loves him. Her and her mother also get along more or less, she’s less stringent than her dad. Ting-Ting and her probably have the most contentious relationship, but even that hasn’t been that bad really. Mostly Mei being a nosy, annoying little sister. It will get more intense now that Ting-Ting is the authority figure and Mei is pissed about their situation. Su and Mei get along more or less well, they annoy each other, as sisters are wont to do, but Mei would def consider Su one of her best friends. Car — None. Career — Student Dream Career — She doesn’t know !! Dream Life — Married, with children, though she doesn’t know what she wants out of a career. Love Life — Nonexistant, which pisses her off. Talents or Skills — Excellent gymnast and very good with her magic. Intelligence Level — Decently intelligent, has street smarts, tbh. Very sharp in conversation. Finances — Wealthy

[superbatson]

tagged by @madisonrooney ! (god this is probably the first tag game in a while i've actually completed, i feel like there are a bunch i either have unfinished in my drafts or i just never got to and forgot about, i should fix that 😅)

1. Favorite Song at the Moment

lost by maroon 5

i've been a big ol' maroon 5 fan for as long as i could remember (since i was like 5, coincidentally) and the voice obviously just amplified that so i listened to their latest album and it's so good and this is my absolute favorite song from it. i hope it becomes their next single, it's really really good.

2. A Song You Associate With Your Favorite Ship

shelter by finneas

i have a lot of favorite ships so this question is not specific enough for me but i am still on aotd brainrot (hahahaha get it? brainrot? bc zombies?) so i am applying this to vandieter which i literally made a whole playlist for, the first song on which is shelter by finneas. it's not the first song i added to the playlist, interestingly enough, but it's the one i feel best applies to them ("give me shelter from the storm" makes me think of them both hiding out in the vault when the bomb goes off) so that's why i'm using it as my answer. perhaps i'll share the full playlist when i feel comfortable enough (and get a good cover photo).

3. A Song That Could Be About You

in my blood by shawn mendes

do i need to explain this one? i have GAD (general anxiety disorder) so this song is a mood and a half for, like, basically my daily struggle. i mean obviously it applies mostly to those bad episodes of anxiety but it's rare for me to go a whole day without feeling at least some sort of mild form of anxiety. so yeah, the chorus lyrics hit deep.

4. A Song You Think is Overrated

drivers license by olivia rodrigo

stealing this one from amanda bc i honestly agree, i do Not get the hype around this song. and i'm a fan of hsmtmts so i was happy to see olivia finally getting some recognition but i feel like it was almost Too Much for what's kind of a mediocre song. not to mention the rumored drama with josh bassett and sabrina carpenter and i'm also a big josh fan so that made me not care for the song either. like i guess i kinda felt protective of him, in a way. it was also mostly swifties who were hyping olivia and i hate taylor swift so there's that too. (i'll admit olivia's third single, "good for u", isn't bad, i do actually like it, but my overall interest in her career is at an all time low and there's speculation she may leave hsmtmts after this season which i would not mind, tbh.)

5. A Song That Reminds You Of A Good Memory

till i forget about you by big time rush

so this is a random throwback story. honestly the details are kinda fuzzy now, but basically i remember there was like a day in 7th grade where btr had a new song premiering on the radio and obviously i couldn't listen to it until i got home from school (i didn't have a smartphone till college), so as soon as i got home, i raced to my computer (i don't even think it was mine, i think it was my sister's laptop, technically, but i borrowed it bc i could and i dunno, maybe she wasn't home?) to go to youtube to look up a recording of the song (remember those days, when songs weren't just instantly available on streaming?) and i found one that was a lyric video so i put it on and yeah. obviously had a great time listening to the song bc i instantly fell in love and i think i was dancing in my seat to it before it was even over and yeah. it was just a good time in my life bc i had a favorite band and i was finally well-adjusted to middle school life but i was still a kid so i still had kid interests and little responsibility and i miss it.

6. The Last Song You Listened To

this is heaven by nick jonas

i was, uh,,,,,, listening to my vandieter playlist 🤐

7. A Song That Makes You Laugh

locked out of heaven by bruno mars

so this also has a tiny story/context. i forget how it started but basically whenever i hear this song on the radio when i'm in the car with my mom, she imitates those little background grunt sounds and it always makes me laugh. like it's basically turned into a routine where i'll sing bruno's part and then point to her as her cue to do the grunts. it's fun and it always makes me smile and laugh and think of her if i ever hear the song on my own.

8. A Song You Want Your Mutuals To Listen To

seize the power by yonaka

i know this looks like a bizarre, random, and totally out of left field answer and it is bc i discovered the song via an alternative edm playlist but i also discovered it around the time i watched aotd and i kinda wanted to add it to my movie playlist but it didn't really fit so yeah. basically the badass girl power energy of the song kinda gave me lily vibes but the playlist for aotd is more general so it didn't really fit but i still firmly view this as a lily song but i recommend it whether you've watched aotd or not bc it slaps.

i tag: @favoriteliar @bluetrainer @scoobycool9

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

Are you currently wearing anything red?

my red nail polish

Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today?

nope

What would you say is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever tasted?

not a fan of christmas pudding but would I say its the most disgusting thing ever? hmmm probs not maybe I need to try more foods and get back to you

What was the last food you got a random craving for?

toast, but that is a daily occurrence

Has anyone/anything made you angry recently?

yes.... I arranged to stay with my friend for a weekend to which she announces that she has also arranged for another one of her friends to stay. So instead of telling her friend that she’s busy, this friend is gonna crash and it made me angry because I wanted to spend the weekend with her, I don’t mind meeting her friends but now they’re gonna be there 24/7. I made my peace with it now

Who did you last go to the cinema with?

probs the same friend mentioned above haha

What was the last song that got stuck in your head?

Little Big Town - Better Man

When was the last time you listened to it?

the other day

Who was the last person to say something thought-provoking?

my friend questioned our group if we think we’re fat phobic so we had an open discussion about it and it got us thinking

On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day?

who knows

How old were they?

probs 22 or 23

What did you/are you having for dinner tonight?

I had steak, yum

Is your best friend in a relationship?

I have a few close friends, some are dating and some aren’t, tis a mixture

How old were you 5 years ago?

17

What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at?

dancing, hehe

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’?

probs Cara :)

What colour are that person’s eyes?

brown

Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating.

CUCUMBER FOREVER

What is your favourite Studio Ghibli film?

hmm haven’t seen many Studio Ghibli films but Howl’s Moving Castle was a rollercoaster, note to self: watch more Studio Ghibli creations

Do you have a favourite hair accessory? What does it look like?

yes and no, I love using sunglasses or normal glasses to push my hair back so its both a hair accessory and isn’t

What’s your favourite type of insect?

one that leaves me alone

What’s your LEAST favourite type of insect?

slugs

Who was the last person you Facebook messaged?

Laura!

What’s his/her favourite food?

I do not know haha

Did you have a good day yesterday? What did you do?

hmmm it was a stressful day, my dad and brother were driving up to join us for my grandad’s 90th over the weekend but they broke down on the M1 and took the car back to home in a lorry. mum was stressed and I was sad that we wouldn’t have use of our car to travel back in 

When was the last time you went to a fancy dress party?

have I ever? maybe when I was like 10

Who/what did you dress as?

witch?

What genre was the last film you watched? Did you like it?

FANTASY - I re watched Narnia Prince Caspian and oh wow 

Have you made a sandwich today? What did you put on it?

nope I had a salad

Do you remember the last time you overheard part of a random conversation?

nope, I do like to eavesdrop but can never remember what I hear

Did it make you feel awkward?

nah, I doubt it

What were you doing at 10 o'clock this morning?

showering

How many vowels are there in your first name?

3

What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you?

Taylor Swift - right where you left me. It reminds me of my last relationship and it’s literally just ONE moment it reminds me of because the song is about the narrator being left at the restaurant and I can just vividly see the moment when my partner and I went for korean bbq. He didn’t leave me at the restaurant and I don’t know why the song would remind me of that moment besides it being at a restaurant. Crazy how taylor works her magic

What flavour was the last cupcake you ate?

tomorrow evening I’ll be able to tell you because we have cupcakes for my Grandad’s 90th :)

When was the last time you complimented a stranger?

in a pandemic? pfffttt hardly spoken to anyone let alone a stranger

What’s your favourite milkshake flavour?

nutella and oreo

Have you had an interesting or amusing dream recently?

nope they’re all stressful and weird

Do you know how old your favourite actor is?

27

Is there anything worrying you right now?

yes

If so, have you talked to anyone about it?

I want to but I just can’t bring myself to

Is there anything you desperately want, that you can’t have?

bread

When will you next see your best friend?

a couple weeks time but we keep in touch every day

Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight?

read

What’s the age difference between your parents?

5 years

You can only have one flavour of ice-cream for the rest of your life. Which do you choose?

chocolate always

Are there any foods you’ve been craving, or eating a lot of, just recently?

I always crave yoghurt so situation normal there

When was the last time you wanted to do something, but didn’t do it?

I wanted to drive my dad and brother back from the station

Why did you choose not to do it?

I knew it would cause a fight with my mum so I let it go

When was the last time you ate an apple?

within the last week for sure

What’s the nicest thing your best friend has ever said to you?

it’s not something they say once it’s more that they keep coming back to say more nice things :)

Have you ever experienced a hangover?

yep

What was the last food or drink that you tried for the first time?

blood orange gin

Did you like it?

yes

What do your friends think of the person you’re currently interested in?

I’m not interested in anyone rn

Name one of your favourite foods, that starts with the letter ’S’

sausage!!!!

The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do?

waited for my parents in the car whilst our parents went food shopping

Who was the last blue-eyed person you spoke to?

padre

Is there a person you’d like to speak to right now?

I hope to get a response from Rena soon but I can wait

Why that person, specifically?

She has organised a party and I need more details haha

When you woke up this morning, what was on your mind?

It is spider season :/

At this moment, what are you most looking forward to?

CAKE (for my grandad’s 90th bday) and ofc seeing the extended family

Do you have any scented candles in your home? What scent(s)?

I do, sea salt, bergamot & another one from & other stories

Are you planning any special outings with family or friends?

YES my grandad’s bday dinner is tomorrow

Who were the last 3 males you talked to?

my padra, mon frere and Yao

Do you ever wear lipstick? What colour(s) do you prefer?

either nudes or deep reds, difficult to not look like a clown in the latter, that is always the fear

If you have a pet, when did you last pet him/her?

I don’t :(

Do you have a favourite Celine Dion song?

nope

Name one of your favourite foods, that starts with the letter ‘C’

chicken!

Does the person you love/like have a car? What colour is it?

I’m sure Timothee Chalamet does not sure what colour

Have you ever received a compliment on anything you’re wearing?

yes

Have you had any caffeinated beverages today?

nope

What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time?

blood orange gin 

Did you like it?

yes

Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind?

so much

The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you?

older

When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused?

mum wanted me to not have so much smoothie but I wanted the smoothie haha

What’s your favourite feature of the person you’re currently interested in?

nobody right now but I always notice a nice smile and kind eyes

How many people have you hugged today?

loads! twas my grandad’s 90th bday - we had the whole family come to celebrate

Do you have a favourite hair colour or eye colour on your preferred sex?

I don’t

Do you remember the first CD you ever bought?

it was probably taylor swift’s 1989 album. If it was the first CD I ever bought I dont know but I sure remember buying multiple copies of 1989 to get the polaroid collection

Is there anyone on your mind atm?

not in particular

The last song you listened to - does it remind you of anyone?

nope

Is your birth year an odd or even number?

odd

Have you eaten any of your favourite foods today?

CAKE!

What did you have for lunch yesterday?

fish finger salad!! I hope I’m never too old for fish fingers

Who was the last person you Facebook messaged?

Laura

How many different towns/cities have you lived in?

4

What are your parents’ middle names?

Steven & Anne

Are your eyes the same colour as your sibling’s?

nope

How many pets do you have? Would you like any more?

I don’t have any! we used to have bunnies and I would love some more again

Do you prefer still or sparkling drinks?

depends on the mood

Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm?

Little Big Town’s Better Man is on repeat rn

Did you have a strange or interesting dream last night?

nope

Which friend do you confide in most?

I kinda tell the world my problems hehe

Who was the first male you talked to today? What colour are his eyes?

either my dad or brother, dad has blue eyes, brother has brown

Are you wearing any accessories in your hair? Describe them.

nope

When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong?

I caught this WEIRD bug that would just make me feel awful all of a sudden and then drained my energy. It was unlike anything I’ve ever felt it made me miss the normal cold

If given the chance, would you change anything that’s happened today?

the food came later than expected so I would change how much breakfast I had

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person?

nope

Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you?

It fits my name

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift?

nope

Have you received any compliments about your appearance today?

yes! my auntie said I looked like a doll and how much I’ve grown since we last saw each other!

Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?

nope

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you text messaged?

probably

What colour is your shampoo bottle?

pink

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged?

she is wonderful but I am not attracted to her in that way haha

Do you have any ice-cream in your freezer? What flavour is it?

chocolate & raspberry 

Have you spoken to any of your neighbours today?

nope

[atendersun-archived]

❣️ yeets this @ ur gay ass ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻 lay it on me 😌

SEND ME ❣️ + A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU… / Accepting

Who is the little spoon?

Although it is admittedly more Muu than it is Hannah, there are also variables to consider. Since Muu is typically the more emotionally fragile and somber of the two while he works things out within himself, he finds himself being held more than he holds her. In the event it is her who needs the added consoling, or it just feels like he hasn't been in the position of big spoon in a while, that tends to be when he takes over. Other times he just really wants to cling onto her back more than he wishes for her to do it to him because he finds it equally as comforting as it finds it amusing to be a bit of a koala in those circumstances.

Who sings in the shower?

Muu. Out of any song it could possibly be, his latest is White Woman's Instagram by Bo Burnham. He's having a one man concert all by himself, so don't judge.

Who plays pranks on the other?

Both of them; however, Hannah is definitely better at getting results with hers whereas Muu is typically discovered very early on by not being as thoughtful and observant as he might think he is.

Who is the one who listens to pop music?

Both of them. Muu, though, even as his diverse as his music taste is, tends to listen to a lot of basic pop music made by performers that Hannah typically doesn't based on the fact that their morals don't align with her own. Muu, for example, is a big fan of Taylor Swift of all people due to her mainly romantic based lyrics. Hannah on the other hand wouldn't dare to stoop to that level of music taste when she could be supporting someone much better with her time and money instead.

Who brings the other a random cup of joe?

Hannah. If Muu's doing it, it is definitely a homemade version of someone he saw someone ordering from Starbucks on Tiktok. Most of which are overly sugary and in need of some further adjustments as he attempts to make the entire thing as close to vegan as he can manage, but the thought is there. Hannah on the other hand does it with the purpose of just being considerate and domestic along with the process of prepping the two of them for the day, or by trying to just get a smile out of Muu in general, so she would do it with more consistently and care than he might.

Who picks the cheesy movies for date night?

Both. They can be a little limited in content they can mutually watch together as certain topics for either partner are a must to be avoided, and that usually requires a lot of prior made effort and research, so romantic comedies, or comedies in general, are usually a much safer bet than a drama or horror film would be. Plus they tend to be so hilariously mushy that they have fun repeating the most laughable yet cringy lines to one another for their own amusement.

Who is more likely to feed the other in public?

Hannah. I can guarantee this woman has caught herself going as far as cutting food up for him out of familiarity of taking care of Lucy, as well as himself even from the time they were only teens. She is a doting wife to be, and this man has no qualms about being seen eating from a fork she holds out for him. On the flipside, if it is something he has personally made by hand to expand his cooking skills in an organic and plant based direction, you can bet he is right there to feed her a bite in order to gain feedback on his work. Don't think she gets off too easy. Especially when they do end up moving onto the next step of having a baby together, and needs someone to assist in taste testing the homemade baby food he plans on making.

Who gives the other random little compliments?

Hannah. This woman just breathes out positive affirmations, and Muu is right there to receive them every time.

Who is always stealing food from the other’s plate?

Hannah. Muu is very particular about what he eats on behalf of cutting out all meat and as dairy for sensory and health reasons, so he doesn't really pick from other people's plates to maintain that. If she eats French fries around him, he's definitely stealing a couple though.

Who is more likely to let the other borrow their car?

Neither since Muu can't drive and really has no ambition to learn since driving gives him an incredible amount of anxiety. He has no problems with managing his own way to places via the public transportation system, or by bike.

Who makes the list before they go grocery shopping?

They are both very practical in writing their own lists to follow for when they grocery shop for their own reasons, and yet both are equally as guilty of putting in snacks they didn't anticipate buying simply because it sounds good. Worse even when Lucy, and someday Daisy, is out shopping with them, because what babies want, babies get. That is at least what Muu holds himself to no matter how many times Lucy has to remind him of how old she is.

Who makes sure the other takes their meds when sick?

Hannah. Same way with making sure enough rest and hydration is being considered as well. Her immune system is also better than his is on account of him working in education and catching germs quite often, and because of her being what she is in general. He's also quite the baby when ill. Definitely has this man asked her to make him some soup that then had to be fed to him because he was supposedly too tired and sickly to move his arm to do it himself.

Who watches sports and has to teach the other the rules?

Muu. He may have gotten a tad bit too invested into Women's basketball after a player in the sport showed up on his fyp on Tiktok. His initial reasons for taking up watching the sport as a whole was just to support her career, and to admire tall, beautiful women that could either carry him, or beat him up with their muscular limbs, but eventually he managed to pick up more about the rules of the sport with each watch. He's attempted to then share that knowledge with Hannah, who just listens on account of just wanting to hear him talk about what he enjoys.

Who pulls the other to their feet for a dance in the living room?

Muu. The man definitely loves his music. Hannah, however, is the one more likely to pull him in for hugs, such as comforting him when he is sad, as well as to bring him in close to her to present the mood of intimacy. These two have maybe managed to turn playful dances or attempt at wrestling with one another into full on sexual intercourse s couple of times. Neither is really sorry.

Who has to keep reminding the other to hurry or they’ll be late?

Muu. By God, if he is told a time that they will be leaving at, she had better bet that they really be out the door at least a couple minutes prior to that earlier discussed time, because he can not stand to not follow through with those things. It is a habit tied to him being autistic that will prove to be the most fun when they try and get out to places as parents with a baby.

Who is the one most likely to get a tattoo with the other’s name?

Neither would really go as far as to get each other's names permanently tattooed on them, but they' definitely consider something more along the lines of a symbol, or quote that best describes their relationship. Muu has considered the idea that they split the phrase "You are never too much for someone who can't get enough of you" into "You are never too much" and "Someone can't get enough of you" into a couple's tattoo idea. He already decided he'd get his on his side since he just likes the appeal of them. Actually he'd probably get a couple of them. Another one he'd want is of the wire robot in the Save Me by Gotye music video while she gets the other once, since, even today, that song still reminds him so much of how she has been there for him over the years that he can't help but think of her every time he hears it

[bananaofswifts]

At the beginning of March, the National’s Aaron Dessner traveled back to the United States from Paris, where he’d been living with his family, to shack up at Sonic Ranch Studio in Tornillo, Texas to work on the next Big Red Machine album with Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon. Those plans — obviously — soon shifted, as the reality of the COVID-19 pandemic set in. Dessner and his family were able to relocate to their home in upstate New York as lockdown orders went into effect, and the musician soon settled into a groove of homeschooling his kids and focusing fully on music in a way he hadn’t in a while, due to the National’s regularly rigorous touring schedule. 

In the middle of what Dessner describes as one of the most productive moments of his career, Taylor Swift called. 

A longtime and avowed fan of the National, Swift asked if Dessner wanted to try collaborating on a few songs remotely. He said of course, and asked if she was looking for anything in particular. He noted that he had plenty of material at the ready, but acknowledged he’d been in a more experimental mood, due to the Big Red Machine sessions; not to mention, Dessner added, he’d never really ventured into the pop world Swift has dominated for well over a decade. She told him to send everything he had. 

“I think she was interested in the emotions that she feels in some of the music that I’ve made,” Dessner tells Rolling Stone.” So I just sent her a folder of things I’d done recently and was excited about. Hours after, she sent back a fully written version of ‘Cardigan.’ It was like a lightning bolt struck the house.” 

Over the next few months, Dessner and Swift crafted the bulk of Swift’s eighth studio album, Folklore, which was released today, July 24th, after being announced the day before. Folklore is yet another mesmerizing musical move from Swift — a shift in sound, style and palette towards a vaster indie sound (à la, of course, the National) that still feels distinctly Swift-ian, as if she’s been making music like this her whole career. Lyrically, too, the record finds Swift playing with character and myth in new ways that — befitting the album’s title — recall the great American folk tradition. 

Dessner wasn’t the album’s only collaborator; Swift wrote several songs with regular producer Jack Antonoff, as well as songwriter named William Bowery, who doesn’t seem to have much of an internet footprint. Vernon also contributed to two songs, singing on one of the album’s many stunners, “Exile,” while Dessner’s brother and National bandmate, Bryce Dessner, helped orchestrate it with a mix of musicians scattered around the globe (none of whom even knew what they were playing on when they recorded their parts).

Dessner spoke with Rolling Stone about working with Swift, their instant chemistry, how the album developed under a thick cloud of secrecy and more.

When Taylor first reached out, did she have a specific vision in mind for the album? 
She was a bit cryptic. I didn’t know that we were actually working on a record for quite a while. It just seemed that she was seeking me out to collaborate. And then we were both feeling very inspired by it. Once there were six or seven songs that we had written over a couple of weeks, she said, “Hey can we talk?” Then she said, ‘This is what I’m imagining,’ and started to tell me about the concept of Folklore. Then she mentioned that she’d written some songs at an earlier stage with Jack [Antonoff], and they felt like they really fit together with what we were doing. It was a very inspiring, exhilarating collaborative process that was almost entirely remote. Very sort of warp speed, but also something about it felt like we were going toe-to-toe and in a good pocket. 

After “Cardigan,” how did these songs develop and do you think she pushed you in any new directions as a songwriter? 
When you’re working with someone new, it takes a second to understand their instincts and range. It’s not really conscious. She wrote “Cardigan,” and then “Seven,” then “Peace.” They kind of set a road map, because “Cardigan” was this kind of experimental ballad, the closest thing to a pop song on the record, but it’s not really. It’s this emotional thing, but it has some strange sounds in it. “Seven” is this kind of nostalgic, emotional folk song. Even before she sang to it, I felt this nostalgia, wistful feeling in it, and I think that’s what she gravitated towards. And “Peace,” that just showed me the incredible versatility that she had. That song is just three harmonized bass lines and a pulse. I love to play bass like that — play one line then harmonize another, and another, which is a behavior I stole from Justin Vernon, because he’s done that on other things we’ve done together. And actually, that’s his pulse, he sent me that pulse and said, “Do something with this.” But when she wrote that song, which kind of reminds me of a Joni Mitchell song over a harmonized bassline and a pulse, that was kind of like, “Woah, anything can happen here.” That’s not easy to do.

So, in the morning I would wake up and try to be productive. “Mad Woman” is one I wrote shortly after that, in terms of sound world, felt very related to “Cardigan” and “Seven.” I do have a way of playing piano where it’s very melodic and emotional, but then often it’s great if whoever’s singing doesn’t sing exactly what’s in the piano melody, but maybe it’s connected in some way. There was just some chemistry happening with her and how she was relating to those ideas.

“Epiphany” was something she had an idea for, and then I imagined these glacial, Icelandic sounds with distended chords and this almost classical feeling. That was another one where we wrote it and conceived it together. She just has a very instinctive and sharp musical mind, and she was able to compose so closely to what I was presenting. What I was doing was clicking for her. It was exhilarating for us, and it was surreal — we were shocked by it, to be honest [Laughs]. I think the warmth, humanity and raw energy of her vocals, and her writing on this record, from the very first voice memos — it was all there. 

Do you think that chemistry might’ve had something to do with her being a National fan, and you being a fan of her music? 
We met Taylor at Saturday Night Live in 2014, or whenever that was that we played and Lena Dunham was hosting. We got to meet her, and that was our first brush with a bona fide pop star. But then she came to see us play in Brooklyn last summer and was there in a crazy rainstorm, like torrential downpour, and watched the whole show and stayed for a long time afterwards, talking to me and my brother. She was incredibly charming and humble. That’s the nice thing about her, and a lot of people I’ve met that have that kind of celebrity. It’s great when you can just tune it out and be normal people and chat, and that’s how that felt. So, we knew that she was a big fan, and we really got into the 1989 album. Our Icelandic collaborator, Ragnar Kjartansson, is a crazy Swiftie. So we’ve kind of lived vicariously through him. I’ve always been astonished by how masterful she is in her craft. I’ve always listened to her albums and put them in this rarefied category, like, “How did she do that? How does anybody do that? How do you make ‘Blank Space?’” There was an element that was intimidating at first, where it just took me a second to be like… Not because I think her music is better than what we’ve done, but it’s just a different world. 

Were there particular songs, albums or artists the two of you discussed as reference points for this album?
“Betty,” which is a song she wrote with William Bowery, she was interested in sort of early Bob Dylan, like Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan, I think. “Epiphany,” early on, felt like some weird Kate Bush-meets-Peter Gabriel thing. I think we talked a little about those things, but not a lot. Actually, I think she really trusted me as far as my instincts to where the music would ultimately go, and also the mixing process.  We really wanted to keep her voice as human, and kind of the opposite of plastic, as possible. That was a bit of a battle. Because everything in pop music tends to be very carved out, a smiley face, and as pushed as possible so that it translates to the radio or wherever you hear it. That can also happen with a National song — like if you changed how these things are mixed, they wouldn’t feel like the same song. And she was really trusting and heard it herself. She would make those calls herself, also. 

You mentioned William Bowery — who is he?
He’s a songwriter, and actually because of social distancing, I’ve never met him. He actually wrote the original idea for “Exile,” and then Taylor took it and ran with it. I don’t actually know to be totally honest. 

We’ve been trying to track him down, he doesn’t have much of an internet presence.
Yeah, I don’t fully know him, other than he wrote “Betty” and “Exile” with her. But you know she’s a very collaborative person, so it was probably some songwriter. 

So it’s not an alias for anyone?
No, no, no. I mean, I don’t know — she didn’t tell me there was a “Cardigan” video until literally it came out, and I wrote the song with her [laughs]. So I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure he’s an actual songwriter. She enjoys little mysteries. 

“These are kind of these folkloric, almost mythical tales that are woven in of childhood, lost love, and different sentiments across the record.”

With the National, you and your brother write the music, Matt Berninger adds the lyrics, and then you fuse it — was it a similar process on Folklore?
Taylor is very collaborative in that sense that, whenever she sent a voice memo, she would send all the lyrics and then ask me what I thought. And sometimes we would debate certain lines, although generally she’s obviously a strong writer. So she would ask me if I liked one line, and she would give me alternate lines and I would give her my opinion. And then when she was actually tracking vocals, I would sometimes suggest things or miss things, but she definitely has a lot of respect for the collaborative process and wants whoever she’s writing with to feel deeply included in that process. It was nice, and was a back and forth, for sure. And she would sometimes have ideas about the production if she didn’t like something, especially. She would, in a tactful way, bring that up. I appreciated that, too, since I wanted to try to turn over every leaf, take risks and sometimes get it wrong. That always takes a second, to get over and then you start again. 

You mentioned earlier that once you had six, seven songs, she was able to describe a concept behind the album. I’m curious what that conversation was like. 
She would always explain what each song was about to me, even before she articulated the Folklore concept. And I could tell early on that they were these narrative songs, often told from a different… not in the first person. So there are different characters in the songs that appear in others. You may have a character in “Betty” that’s also related to one in “Cardigan,” for example. And I think that was, in her mind, very, very important. It doesn’t seem like, for this record at least, that she was inspired to write something until she really knew what it was about. And I think I’m used to a more — at least lately — impressionistic and experimental world of making stuff without really knowing what it is. But this was more direct, in that sense. That was really helpful, to know what it was about and it would guide some of the choices we were making. 

Every time she would send something, she would narrate a little bit, like how it fit, or what it was about. And then when she told me about Folklore as a concept, it made so much sense. Like “The Last Great American Dynasty,” for example, this kind of narrative song that then becomes personal at the end — it flips and she enters the song. These are kind of these folkloric, almost mythical tales that are woven in of childhood, lost love, and different sentiments across the record. It was binding it all together and I think it’s personal, but also through the guise of other people, friends and loved ones.

You were working in secret — how did that affect the process? Was that a difficult burden?
It was. I was humbled and honored and grateful for the opportunity and for the crazy sort of alchemy we were having. But it was hard not to be able to talk openly with my usual collaborators, even my brother at first. I didn’t know if I could really tell him, because we normally… Ultimately, he helped me quite a bit, he orchestrated songs. But we always help each other. But eventually, we figured out how to do it. Towards the end of the process, I said to Taylor, ‘I really feel that I need to try a few experiment and try to elevate a few moments on the record because we have time, and we’ve really done a ton of work here, and it all sounds great, but I think we can go even further.’ And then she said, ‘Well what does that mean?’ And I explained how that would work, and the way that we work. Our process is very community-oriented, and we have long-time collaborators that we have a good understanding with. So I was able to say, to my friends, ‘This is a song I’m working on, I can’t send it to you with the vocals, and I can’t tell you what it is, but I can explain what I’m imagining.’ And the same with my brother, he knows my music so well that that was very easy for him to just take things that we were working on, add to that, and do his kind of work. So it was all remote and everyone was in their corner and we were shipping things around. It was incredibly fast because of that, because you didn’t have eight people needing to come to the studio. You had eight people working simultaneously — one in France and one in L.A. and one in Brooklyn. This is how it went, and it was fun. We got there. 

When were you able to tell everyone who contributed that this was the Taylor Swift record, what was their reaction?
You can imagine. I think they realized it was something big because [of] the confidentiality, and they were like, ‘It could only be a few things.’ I couldn’t tell them until, basically, when she announced it. Just in the moments after she announced it, I basically told everyone. I was like, ‘By the way…’ And they were thrilled. Everyone’s thrilled. Nobody seemed mad, everyone was thrilled and honored. Even Justin Vernon had not heard anything else except “Exile,” even though the pulse of that song “Peace,” he gave that song to me. It was important to have it be a surprise, and you know how it can be with someone in her position, with all the speculation, and she’s always under a lot of pressure like that. So it was really important to the creative freedom she was feeling that this remained a secret, so she could just do what we were doing. 

Being such longtime friends and collaborators with Justin, what was it like hearing “Exile” for the first time? His voice and Taylor’s together? 
He’s so versatile and has such a crazy range, and puts so much emotion… Every time he sings when I’m in his presence, my head just kind of hits the back of the wall. That’s the same on this song. William Bowery and Taylor wrote that song together, got it to a certain point, then I sort of interpreted it and developed a recording of it, and then Taylor tracked both the male and female parts. And then we sent it to Justin and he re-did obviously the male parts and changed a few things and also added his own: He wrote the “step right out” part of the bridge, and Taylor re-sang to that. You feel like, in a weird way, you’re watching two of the greatest songwriters and vocalists of our generation collaborating. I was facilitating it and making it happen, and playing all the music. But it was definitely a “Wow.” I was just a fan at that point, seeing it happen. 

Are there any moments that really stick out to you as particularly pivotal in shaping the sound of this record? 
The initial response. When we first connected, and I sent a folder of music and Taylor wrote “Cardigan,” and she said, “This is abnormal. Why do you have all these songs that are so emotional and so moving to me? This feels fated.” And then she just dove into it and embraced this emotional current. And I hope that’s what people take out of it: The humanity in her writing and melodies. It’s a different side to her. She could have been every bit as successful just making these kinds of songs, but it’s so great that she’s also made everything that she’s ever made, and this is a really interesting shift, and an emotional one. It also opens other doors, because now it’s kind of like she can go wherever she wants, creatively. The pressure to make a certain kind of… bop — or whatever you want to call it — is not there really anymore. And I think that’s really liberating, and I hope her fans and the world are excited by that because I am. It’s really special. 

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

All my thoughts surrounding the Evermore album so far

For the first time in forever, I went into an album refusing to write down any notes or whatever about how I felt upon the first listen and really just let it sink in. Even when ranking the songs, I did it by gut feeling and refused to elaborate. But being over 24 hours and a dozen listens in and basically having the same opinions and thoughts, I felt it was time to put out everything I feel so far.

Basically this post is going to go over not only my thoughts on and relationship to the songs of Evermore, but how I feel about it as an album and specifically a sister album to Folklore. So I hope you enjoy it.

What I think of Evermore as a whole/it’s relationship with Folklore:

Truth be told Evermore is currently quite low on my Taylor album rankings. This isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy it and definitely is not me saying I didn’t like any of the songs. But the environment of an album and ability to get something out of listening to the songs all together and in order that you could not otherwise get is important to me to the point it’s my favourite thing about listening to albums. And right now? Outside of Tis The Damn Season and Dorothea, it’s just not there for me. In many ways, that has made Evermore very similar to Speak Now and Lover vibe wise to me in that it feels like an array of great songs as opposed to a perfect album experience like RED, Reputation and even Fearless feels to me. So while I could absolutely see myself listening to most of the songs on this album for years to come, I’ve already found myself listening to the album itself out of order and focusing on my favourite tracks more.

I would also argue that the only reason Evermore is a ‘sister album’ to Folklore is because it’s by Taylor Swift. And that may sound weird, but hear me out. The fact of the matter is that the only ways in which this album and Folklore are more ‘sisterly’ towards each other than other albums is because they are similar production wise and both are at least partially based on the stories of others. I could name you an array of artists whose albums share these same qualities yet are not seen as sibling albums. And honestly, right now it feels like the only reason these two albums are being seen as sisters is because they have come from someone who has been expected to change sounds, vibes and everything else every ‘era’ because she has admitted in the past that she has a fear of people getting sick of her. In my honest opinion, Reputation and Lover feel more like sister albums to me than Folklore and Evermore. This is not to say that Evermore is a lesser album for not being a sister project to Folklore, it’s just not something a connection I’m feeling right now.

What I’m about to say next may sound like it contradicts with what I just said but as it is a personal connection and not objective, I feel like it doesn’t. For me personally, Folklore was predominately an album that opened up and described my trauma relating to losing my whole family while Evermore feels more like a recovery album. So on a personal level, they are other sides of the same coin and while that makes them sister albums to an extent, to me it was not the extent Taylor meant because obviously these songs were not written with me and my personal issues in mind.

With that in mind, if we’re going to compare Folklore and Evermore like many people have, I feel as if Folklore is the stronger album but Evermore has stronger songs. Basically as a full experience I prefer Folklore, but the songs I like off of Evermore I love more than the ones I like off of Folklore. At this point, I will also say I think I love the production of Evermore more than Folklore, but I can also see that being a mood based thing.

What I think of each individual song:

Willow: I’m going to be honest, I do not see the hype for this song. Like objectively it’s not a bad song, but there’s just not really anything drawing me back to it. While clever, the 90s line also threw me off a bit and feels kinda out of place with the rest of the song giving ancient/mythical vibes to be honest. It seems to be a hot take at the moment, but I also found myself bored with the music video and didn’t seem to love the fact that it is a continuation of Cardigan as much as everyone else. I did however appreciate the love interest being from an Asian background during a time when they are on the receiving end of racial villification. I will say I think the first chorus is the strongest part of the song.

Champagne Problems: I feel like this is going to be the song that is most consistently among my favourites for this album. While most of my other favourites are the deep cuts or bops that I need to be in the right mood for, Champagne Problems feels like a good mix that I can listen to any time. It’s also kinda been a blessing for me because the man I love told me upon listening to it that my fear of marriage and actions around that lately have made him worry that we’re going to end up like that which has really made me reflect today on the fact that my fear of not being good enough to keep him isn’t going to be fixed by holding him at arm’s length, it can only be fixed by working to be the better person I think he deserves. In terms of Taylor, I’ve heard some of you think that Tom proposed while they were together and that the ring in the LWYMMD video is actually reference to him and I’mma be real, if that’s the case, damn right she should have said no because they were together what, 2 or so months??? In saying that, as a general sister piece to Getaway Car in that they’re both about realising you don’t love the person you’re with as much as they love you, it’s a nice comparison and I could see it.

Gold Rush: Taylor girl, please go to therapy about not feeling good enough for your man and insecurities that he’s gonna leave you for someone else. You are absolutely good enough. Honestly, all up I feel like this song is the definition of good. It’s not something I’d seek out to listen to but it’s not something I’d skip if it came on. The production is definitely the highlight of the song for me.

Tis The Damn Season: This song really hits hard for someone still living in her childhood house in her hometown huh? I’ve seen a lot of people relate this song back to The 1, and to be honest, they both remind me of the same platonic relationship I once had and things I wish we had said to each other, so I can see that. Look in all honesty, this is just one of those songs where I cannot pinpoint what makes it so good because it’s everything. The production, the lyrics, the emotion; it all works together to make it an amazing song. When considering the album as a whole, I think Tis The Damn Season and Dorothea are the strongest sign of creating an environment and emotion given that they are songs about the same relationship.

Tolerate It: I get why this is track five, and much like Mirrorball off of Folklore, had it come out in 2018 or beforehand, it would have owned my soul and been my favourite song off of this album forever. But nearly everyone who has ever made me feel this way was purged out of my life no later than 2018 so I feel so far removed from it. While I understand the artistic choice for the second half of the song to be wordy and faster paced to the point of feeling offbeat because that’s how it comes off when you’re thinking of all the ways you can defend yourself and/or leave, I personally prefer the first half of the song far more than the second half due to its flow. Had I enjoyed the second half as much as the first, I think this would have been a tied favourite from the album. I’ve seen Swifties say this is a Tayvin and/or John/Taylor song and yeah to be honest, I feel that. I also love the intepretations surrounding it being a queer person and a queerphobic family member.

No Body No Crime: Upon first listen, this was an automatic tied favourite of mine. But, while I’ll still say it is, listening to it on repeat today made me feel like it’s something I need to listen to sparingly or it’ll get overplayed fast, much like Betty did on Folklore for me personally. This is another song I really don’t have much to say about because I love it all and it’s a bop. As a more general note, I will say that I agree with people that I wish Taylor’s vocal collaborations with women included them actually having a verse rather than feeling like backup singers for Taylor. But for what we got, I think Haim added a lot to this song with their ‘He did it’ sounding like Este’s ghost reassuring Taylor he killed her and Danielle’s ‘she was with me dude’ adding a lot of atmosphere to the song. In my mind, Este’s husband wasn’t planning to leave/kill her or move his mistress in but accidentally killed Este as she tried to leave him. Either way though, it’s a great song and I can definitely see why it’s a fan favourite.

Happiness: This was my other tied favourite upon my first listen. When thinking of Taylor, I tend to agree with people that this song is probably about Scott and recoving from leaving Big Machine. When considering what it means to me... well it’s complicated. Truly, I want to reach a point where this is what I think of my family. I hope someday I can get there. But for now, it is another self love song; as if I am talking to my pre and/or newly traumatised teenaged self at age 25. This probably sounds weird but I also love that it’s my favourite while being the longest track (so far, obviously we don’t know about bonus tracks) of the album because there’s something so special to me about Taylor’s longer tracks.

Dorothea: A cute song. That’s really all I can say. Again, I love it’s connection with Tis The Damn Season and it makes me smile thinking about that platonic relationship these songs remind me of. Really just in general this song makes me happy and is probably the one I could see myself randomly singing around the house the most.

Coney Island: Honestly I like the idea/message behind this song more than I like the song itself. Like the idea of not appreciating something until its too late reasonates with me and again, is something I wish the ex friend Dorothea reminds me of would tell me they feel, but obviously I cannot change that. I’ve seen posts about how the bridge of this song was inspired by John, Jake, Harry and Calvin, but to be honest, in general this song feels very purely Tayvin to me, but like from Calvin’s (or at least what Taylor hopes is his) point of view. All up, I think the production of this song is its strong point and the reason that while it’s still not one of my favourites, it’s somewhat grown on me.

Ivy: Another hot take? This is another song that I just haven’t been able to get into. Like I like the idea that it’s the ‘tough’ parts of Invisible String where you have to take the leaps not knowing where you’ll end up, but yeah, I don’t know, it just wasn’t something that has caught my attention yet.

Cowboy Like Me: This song is a vibe. Like it’s the type of song I could see myself putting on while just wanting to chill or do something else at the same time, but I don’t feel like it’s something I’m going to opt to listen to on its own that much. Basically it’s as middle of the road track for me as they come. I will say however that ‘Now you hang off my lips like the gardens of Babylon’ has lived in my mind rent free all day.

Long Story Short: This song is so fun. I love that barring Folklore, I could see it being on any of Taylor’s albums since Fearless. It also reminds me of another non-Taylor song, but I can’t think of what and that has been bugging me all day. I saw a lot of people saying that they’re over Taylor talking about 2016, and personally while it’s not my favourite topic either, she’s free to write about whatever she wants and honestly? I feel like her more upbeat, funner sounding songs like this one have boded better with me when she first releases them ever since Lover so I’m glad she released it. Anyway, like I said, it’s another cute fun song that I can see myself dancing to in my room for a while yet and that makes me so happy.

Majorie: I’m gonna be honest, I feel like this is a song you have to relate to to love, and I do not relate to it. Like I think had my family shit not gone down, I would have cried to this thinking of my recently deceased grandfather because I felt the closest to him out of any family member as a kid, but yeah, that’s not how things are now and so I don’t have the emotional attachment to this song. I can however see myself getting it when my mother dies to be honest. But for now, it’s a sweet song and I get why people love it.

Closure: Remember how I said Happiness is how I wish I felt about my family? Closure is how I actually feel about them. To be honest, the fact that everyone seems to have this as their least favourite song from the album shocks me because I think it’s one of the most relatable. I’m also surprised so many of you feel like this is about Karlie given the sounds at the beginning and end sound like (Big) Machines and the second verse and bridge scream Scott to me. All up, I genuinely really like this song and feel like it’s the one with the most experimentation that works for the track despite the lyrical simplicity to be honest.

Evermore: Lyrically, this is my favourite track from the album. Production wise? ... well Taylor’s part is amazing. This is another song where artistically I appreciate how jaggered Justin’s voice makes the song because it works contextually at that part, but it’s a bit much for me in terms of wanting to have the song on repeat. Though it wouldn’t have had the same jaggered hence artistic feel, I do wish Justin had used his lower register because I feel like it would have suited the replayability of the song more. Regardless, it is another self recovery/reflection song for me and definitely one of my favourite (and perhaps the most socially relevant given how 2020 was for most people) closers from Taylor... though she always knocks those out of the park.

Final Thoughts:

Though not being my favourite overall album from Taylor, Evermore is a solid album with amazing songs. It is also an album I can see being a grower and/or mood based album. So with two songs still coming, I’m not about to rule it out as being something I won’t love more in the future. This is especially the when I know that even if I don’t get the environment I usually love from it, Evermore has so many amazing songs I can see myself listening to for years to come.